{1148}{1182}Okay, you ready for this?
{1184}{1231}As ever.|Let's do it.
{1233}{1306}Let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
{1350}{1424}Who wrote the phrase "No man is an island"?
{1458}{1523}John Donne? John Milton?
{1540}{1579}John F. Kennedy?
{1590}{1640}Jon Bon Jovi?
{1654}{1708}Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.
{1731}{1810}And, if I may say so,|a complete load of bollocks.
{1837}{1898}In my opinion, all men are islands.
{1931}{2002}And what's more, now's the time to be one.
{2004}{2048}This is an island age.
{2052}{2124}A hundred years ago,|you had to depend on other people.
{2127}{2199}No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos...
{2200}{2241}...or home espresso makers.
{2243}{2289}Actually, they didn't have anything cool.
{2291}{2315}Whereas now, you see...
{2317}{2378}...you can make yourself a little island paradise.
{2380}{2448}With the right supplies and the right attitude...
{2450}{2520}...you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet...
{2522}{2580}...for young Swedish tourists.
{2582}{2658}Hi, it's Kristina.|I haven't heard from you.
{2662}{2754}I had a great time last weekend.|So give me a call, okay? 'Bye.
{2756}{2856}And I like to think that perhaps|I am that kind of island.
{2863}{2924}I like to think I'm pretty cool.
{2941}{2992}I like to think I'm Ibiza.
{3190}{3259}There were people who had|a good time in life.
{3261}{3333}I was beginning to realize I wasn't one of them.
{3335}{3378}I just didn't fit.
{3380}{3424}I didn't fit at my old school.
{3426}{3493}I definitely didn't fit at my new one.
{3523}{3595}I heard that some kids|got taught by their parents at home.
{3597}{3658}Mum couldn't do that,|unless I paid her to teach me.
{3661}{3736}Because it was just her and me.|And she went to work.
{3739}{3785}She made400 a week.
{3787}{3839}Where was I gonna get that kind of money from?
{3841}{3914}Maybe if I was like that movie kid,|Haley Joel Osment...
{3916}{3956}...I could pay her that much.
{3958}{4018}But if that meant being good at drama, forget it.
{4020}{4050}I was crap at drama.
{4053}{4109}'Cause I hated standing up in front of people.
{4111}{4174}So, basically, I had to go to school.
{4526}{4591}The sad fact is that,|like any island dweller...
{4593}{4685}...from time to time I had to visit the mainland.
{4888}{4966}This is lmogene.|You can hold her if you like.
{4968}{5058}That's.... Well, okay.
{5103}{5185}Yeah. Got her. Lovely.
{5222}{5330}Yeah, she's delightful, isn't she?
{5343}{5386}I know. Isn't she?
{5472}{5521}To tell the truth,|I'm being crap with her.
{5523}{5577}You better take her back.
{5623}{5697}She could've been yours|if you got your act together.
{5699}{5749}Just think of that, yeah.
{5758}{5847}So, the place is looking really nice.
{5851}{5898}Barney, Barney, Barney.
{5900}{5953}Say hello to Will, Barney.
{5973}{6024}Here we go. It's the Antichrist.
{6026}{6087}Hello, Barney. How are you?
{6131}{6181}-He's lovely.|-Yeah.
{6201}{6279}And what about you, Will?|Any desire for a family of your own yet?
{6281}{6323}I'd rather eat Barney's nappies.
{6326}{6380}Not really. I'm sort of all right as I am.
{6382}{6420}Please, Will.
{6423}{6485}What does that mean? "Please" what?
{6487}{6518}Look at yourself.
{6520}{6603}You're 38 and you've never had a job...
{6605}{6677}...or a relationship|that lasted longer than two months.
{6679}{6720}I wouldn't exactly say you were okay.
{6722}{6802}I mean, I would say you were a disaster.
{6813}{6886}I mean, what is the point of your life?
{6892}{6918}Bloody hell.
{6920}{6985}You're right.|There's probably no point to my life...
{6986}{7040}...but thank you for bringing it up.
{7058}{7168}The reason we wanted you to come here today|was we wanted to ask you...
{7206}{7280}...how would you like to be|lmogene's godfather?
{7322}{7369}Seriously?|Seriously.
{7403}{7466}Listen, I'm really, really touched.
{7469}{7519}But you must be joking.
{7540}{7619}I couldn't possibly think|of a worse godfather for Imogene.
{7621}{7683}You know me.|I'll drop her at her christening.
{7685}{7789}I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th,|when I'll take her out and get her drunk...
{7791}{7872}...and possibly, let's face it,|you know, try and shag her.
{7931}{8009}I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice.
{8011}{8086}We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.
{8090}{8161}No. No. You've always had that wrong.
{8163}{8205}I really am this shallow.
{8259}{8309}Here we are.
{8331}{8425}You know you don't have to walk me|to school anymore now, Mum.
{8427}{8471}I know the way now.
{8478}{8547}But what if I like walking you to school?
{8675}{8704}Right.
{8726}{8755}Who are you?
{8757}{8783}I'm me.
{8785}{8830}And what are you not?
{8834}{8856}A sheep.
{8858}{8909}Right. And what does a sheep go?
{9158}{9184}Marcus?
{9263}{9301}I love you.
{9335}{9361}Look.
{9380}{9412}I love you, too.
{9624}{9670}"I love you, Marcus!"
{9758}{9785}"Love you!"
{9807}{9843}Look at him!
{9948}{10007}While I couldn't accept the offer...
{10010}{10056}...to become their child's godfather...
{10060}{10174}...I did allow them to set me up with Angie,|a rather beautiful coworker of Christine's.
{10178}{10263}They had, however, being them,|neglected to tell me one thing.
{10276}{10348}There's something you don't know about me.
{10366}{10394}Yeah?
{10426}{10500}Something exciting?
{10554}{10593}I think so, yes.
{10622}{10670}I have a 3-year-old boy.
{10717}{10812}I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor,|push over the table and run.
{10817}{10881}Brilliant. I love kids.
{10903}{10987}Yeah. I like messing about with them.
{10990}{11031}Doing kid things.
{11037}{11111}I'd have been disappointed|if you didn't have a child.
{11114}{11158}Why do you say that?
{11163}{11201}God knows.
{11212}{11286}Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning.
{11299}{11420}Because I love kids so much. They're so lovely.
{11448}{11523}What in God's name are you saying,|you idiot?
{11540}{11600}She can't be buying this rubbish.
{11673}{11719}But she did buy my rubbish.
{11722}{11808}And for the next few weeks|I was suddenly Will the Good Guy.
{11810}{11882}Her kid took to me,|mainly because on our first meeting...
{11884}{11966}...I took him to the zoo|and held him upside down by his ankles.
{11968}{12029}I wish relationships|with proper humans were that easy.
{12031}{12073}You know, you are brilliant.
{12075}{12130}I came to realize that with single mums...
{12133}{12184}...particularly ones who'd been badly treated...
{12186}{12323}...and eventually abandoned by the father|of their children, you became by comparison....
{12325}{12379}You are a wonderful person.
{12385}{12448}No, I'm not.
{12452}{12512}But it was hard|to be wonderful all the time.
{12514}{12625}Eventually I began to wonder whether|Angie was exactly what I was looking for.
{12629}{12738}For instance, she was late for the new IMAX|movie because the babysitter hadn't turned up.
{12740}{12792}I'm so sorry.|It's all right.
{12795}{12823}That pissed me off.
{12825}{12850}-You okay?|-Yes.
{12857}{12901}And there were deeper problems.
{12903}{13003}She couldn't stay at my place,|and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite or cable.
{13005}{13110}So we were always stuck watching some crap|made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia.
{13113}{13176}I'm afraid there's nothing|we can do.
{13178}{13258}Godl Nol Please, please, nol
{13272}{13313}I was going to have to end it.
{13315}{13355}But having been Will the Good Guy...
{13357}{13472}...I didn't relish going back to my role of Will|the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole.
{13474}{13501}I'm sorry?
{13506}{13577}You're breaking up with me? You...
{13579}{13638}...self-centered bastard.
{13651}{13744}I can't believe I've wasted all this time with you!
{13751}{13855}You useless, superficial loser.
{14003}{14028}Will....
{14030}{14075}Then something magical happened.
{14077}{14107}I'm sorry.
{14138}{14223}I'm not sure this is working out. It's not you.
{14242}{14327}You've been great. It's me.
{14350}{14435}Well, my situation with Louie and his dad.
{14441}{14536}I'm not ready to launch into a relationship|with anybody new.
{14722}{14771}Yeah.
{14781}{14817}I'm so sorry.
{14894}{14941}I think I understand.
{14956}{15034}You're a wonderful man, Will.
{15105}{15193}I'd never watched a woman|cry without feeling responsible before.
{15196}{15278}She even wanted me to forgive her.|It felt amazing.
{15280}{15375}Listen, you don't have anything|to feel sorry about. Really.
{15390}{15480}So that was the end of Angie,|but the beginning of a whole new thing.
{15482}{15507}Single mums.
{15509}{15568}Why hadn't anyone told me about them before?
{15570}{15666}Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage|and a guilt-free parting.
{15668}{15772}There must be thousands, just waiting|for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with.
{15774}{15846}Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums.
{15919}{15963}Can I have Cocoa Puffs?
{15967}{16007}No, it's not Sunday.
{16009}{16085}The crying had started again.|And it scared me...
{16120}{16159}...'cause now it was in the mornings.
{16163}{16210}She'd never done that before.
{16287}{16357}I couldn't figure it out. Nobody was dead.
{16367}{16469}She had a job as a music therapist,|which is kind of a teacher for sick kids.
{16476}{16534}So there was enough money|for food and everything.
{16536}{16578}Should I get my own breakfast?
{16580}{16622}No, I'm doing it.
{16830}{16902}So, you looking forward to school today?
{16985}{17032}Today, you'll need to effect...
{17035}{17105}...the decimal point when you multiply it by 10...
{17107}{17163}...100 and 1000.
{17212}{17279}"Nothing to do but frown
{17288}{17411}"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"
{17523}{17576}Thank you very much, Marcus.
{17834}{17870}Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark.
{17872}{17956}-Are you going to Computer Club later?|-I don't know. Marcus....
{17977}{18032}Madonna! Go on, give us a song!
{18034}{18070}You'd like that, wouldn't you?
{18072}{18118}Spice Girls or something. Three of them.
{18120}{18152}Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls.
{18242}{18289}You made me lose my football.
{18318}{18419}Marcus, we don't really want you|hanging around with us anymore.
{18427}{18481}-Why not?|-Well, it's because of them.
{18484}{18538}-They've got nothing to do with me.|-Yes, they do.
{18540}{18624}We never had trouble with them|before we started hanging out with you.
{18627}{18683}Now we get it every single day.
{18690}{18746}Besides, everyone thinks you're weird.
{18749}{18790}Only a bit, though.
{18848}{18877}Okay.
{18943}{18970}'Bye.
{19133}{19161}There you have it.
{19168}{19266}I was having a shit time at home|and a shit time at school.
{19355}{19425}It was fine deciding|single mums were the future...
{19427}{19499}...but the frustrating truth was|I didn't have their numbers.
{19501}{19555}-Hi, Dad.|-Hey.
{19629}{19672}Where did they hang out?
{20206}{20272}I'm a single father,|I have a 2-year-old boy.
{20274}{20327}I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
{20329}{20382}I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
{20386}{20451}I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
{20468}{20493}SPAT.
{20498}{20530}This was exciting.
{20533}{20598}A potential gold mine of single mums.
{20600}{20674}I could see the beautiful creatures now,|getting roaring drunk...
{20676}{20747}...forgetting their troubles,|ready to rock and roll.
{20749}{20807}That was when|I was 7 months pregnant.
{20809}{20914}By the time I had the baby,|he was in Majorca with another woman.
{20936}{21022}Not even the one|he cheated on me with the first time.
{21034}{21116}Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.
{21145}{21194}He said I'd got too fat.
{21231}{21289}Mine was shagging his secretary.
{21304}{21341}Such a cliche.
{21351}{21421}I'll tell you one thing: Men are bastards.
{21428}{21455}After about 10 minutes...
{21457}{21536}...I wanted to cut my own penis off|with a kitchen knife.
{21610}{21636}Me.
{21638}{21659}Yes.
{21708}{21759}I have a 2-year-old. Ned.
{21857}{21932}He's got blue eyes|and sort of sandy-colored hair...
{21934}{21987}...and he's about 2'3".
{22026}{22070}And his mum left.
{22082}{22145}-Really?|-Yeah.
{22160}{22241}Yeah, I mean,|obviously it was a very big shock...
{22247}{22305}...because we were so happy, you know?
{22307}{22393}Sandra's neurology practice|was just up and running...
{22409}{22518}...and then one day her bags were packed,|and my best friend was waiting outside...
{22520}{22555}...in his Ferrari.
{22558}{22598}Yeah. You know, the Modena?
{22600}{22722}The one with the supercharged engine,|where you can see it through the back window?
{22755}{22832}-You got dumped then?|-Yeah.
{22936}{23002}May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?
{23057}{23111}Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
{23123}{23145}Suzie.
{23153}{23182}Suzie.
{23196}{23255}She doesn't see much of him, no.
{23264}{23316}How does he cope with that?
{23322}{23361}He's a very good little boy.
{23365}{23418}Very, very brave.
{23420}{23476}They've got amazing resources, don't they?
{23478}{23541}Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.
{23543}{23653}He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms|around my neck, and he said:
{23659}{23703}"You hang in there, Dad."
{23716}{23774}God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old!
{23803}{23831}Is it?
{23892}{23962}Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special.
{23964}{24035}Sometimes I think, you know,|he's the one taking care of me.
{24037}{24098}Teaching me the ways of the world.
{24152}{24184}Sorry.
{24286}{24308}Thank you.
{24310}{24385}My God, what a performancel|I was even fooling myself.
{24523}{24578}There you go. You okay?
{24580}{24613}Yeah. Perfect, thanks.
{24615}{24651}-Trust me?|-Of course.
{24653}{24718}By the end of the evening,|I had a date lined up.
{24720}{24768}Single parents alone together!
{24770}{24873}Single parents alone togetherl|All for one and one for alll
{24929}{25026}The problem was I also had|an imaginary 2-year-old son.
{25764}{25862}The date was a SPAT picnic in Regent's Park,|with everyone bringing their kids.
{25875}{25909}Sadly, Ned couldn't be there.
{25911}{25975}His mum had come|and picked him up at the last second.
{25977}{26015}-What a shame.|-Yeah.
{26018}{26046}I'm sorry.
{26050}{26129}-Got it.|-This is Megan, by the way.
{26135}{26168}Hello, Megan.
{26171}{26191}Yeah.
{26193}{26251}A friend of mine from SPAT|isn't feeling so great...
{26253}{26318}...so I said that we'd take her kid|to the picnic, too.
{26321}{26370}-ls that all right?|-Yeah.
{26372}{26431}The more the merrier. Right.
{26433}{26476}Come on, slowcoach!
{26558}{26595}I hated that SPATlot.
{26597}{26725}Mum's friend Suzie was fine, but now there|was that wally who wanted to get off with her.
{26727}{26774}Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus.
{26785}{26816}Hi there.
{26855}{26879}Right.
{26881}{27002}Pile in, everyone.|Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat.
{27042}{27085}What a shame he can't come.
{27095}{27139}So, what do you do?
{27158}{27180}Me?
{27210}{27295}There were too many lies|to keep track of so I told the truth.
{27298}{27380}-Nothing.|-Well, before then.
{27396}{27462}-What do you mean, before I did nothing?|-Yeah.
{27466}{27510}I did nothing.
{27526}{27585}You've never worked?
{27590}{27700}I've done the odd day here and there, but, no.
{27736}{27773}Crazy, isn't it?
{27783}{27807}It's....
{27911}{27936}Brilliant.
{27969}{28034}My God, I was going to have to tell her.
{28036}{28151}What happened, in fact,|was that my dad wrote a song...
{28153}{28246}...in 1958, and it's quite a famous song...
{28249}{28330}...and I basically live off the royalties of that.
{28332}{28365}You know Michael Jackson?
{28367}{28412}He makes a 1,000,000 a minute.
{28414}{28468}That's 60,000,000 an hour.
{28470}{28513}I don't make a1,000,000 a minute.
{28516}{28559}-Nothing like, sadly.|-How much then?
{28561}{28588}Marcus!
{28591}{28686}I was beginning to wonder|if we'd be stuck with this weird kid all day.
{28689}{28739}So, what's this song then?
{28757}{28832}If you can live off it, we must've heard of it.
{28839}{28893}It's Santa's Super Sleigh.
{28895}{28948}God, please don't sing it.
{28954}{29084}"Look who's coming round the bend|It's Santa and his reindeer friends
{29086}{29202}"With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey,|It's Santa's super sleigh"
{29226}{29281}I expect people do that all the time.
{29293}{29348}No, I think you two are the first.
{29350}{29445}Sorry. I don't understand.|How does that make you money?
{29457}{29506}Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent?
{29508}{29592}They should, but you can't|always catch the little bastards.
{29594}{29670}So, how often do you look after him?|Marcus.
{29672}{29722}Every once in a while.
{29741}{29797}His mum's a little off-color sometimes.
{29799}{29858}You call it off-color, I call it nuts.
{29861}{29943}She's not nuts, Marcus.|She just needs a weekend taking it easy.
{29945}{30038}We'll have a nice picnic, and when|you get home, she'll be all rested up.
{30040}{30108}My God! What the hell is that?
{30110}{30153}My mum's homemade bread.
{30198}{30251}It looks pretty good.
{30253}{30304}No, it isn't. It's healthy.
{31241}{31291}You miss him, don't you?
{31337}{31358}Who?
{31414}{31439}Ned!
{31458}{31483}Yeah.
{31500}{31553}Yeah, very much.
{31555}{31596}He'd have loved this.
{31665}{31710}I think I killed a duck.
{31797}{31844}I was only trying to feed it.
{31863}{31920}What's that floating|in the water next to it?
{31922}{31968}Is that your mum's bread?
{31973}{32058}You didn't have to throw the whole loaf.|That would've killed me.
{32075}{32155}You the one who was throwing|bloody great loaves at the ducks?
{32159}{32229}Yeah, he was, but I've stopped him now.
{32231}{32289}You know, boys will be boys, and all that.
{32291}{32314}So he killed it.
{32316}{32391}No. Sorry, I misunderstood you.|The duck was dead already.
{32393}{32460}He was throwing bread|to try and sink the body...
{32462}{32522}...because Megan here was getting upset.
{32584}{32659}Marcus wouldn't kill a duck.|Would you, Marcus?
{32661}{32754}No. I love ducks. They're my|second favorite animal after dolphins.
{32756}{32822}They can kill sharks with their noses.
{32879}{32937}I'll have to wade in and get it.
{32945}{33020}Listen, I hope it's not some sort of epidemic.
{33054}{33125}I think we beat the rap there, mate.
{33142}{33183}Yeah. Well.
{33248}{33278}Marcus?
{33410}{33437}Mum.
{33687}{33791}That day, the Dead Duck Day,|was when it all began.
{33809}{33911}That bloke Will just followed us in|and I didn't tell him not to.
{33915}{34017}Afterwards, I realized that there was no way|I could have been nervous just then...
{34019}{34114}...because just then I didn't know|there was anything to be nervous about.
{34116}{34187}But then I put the key in the lock,|opened the door....
{34189}{34218}Are you decent?
{34232}{34292}And a new part of my life started.
{34294}{34322}Bangl
{34461}{34497}Jesus Christ.
{34501}{34525}Oh, my God.
{34546}{34620}-Will, call an ambulance.|-Marcus, where's the phone?
{34645}{34698}Where's the phone, mate?
{35098}{35147}It was horrible. Horrible.
{35164}{35244}But driving fast behind the ambulance|was fantastic.
{35264}{35289}She's conscious.
{35296}{35343}She was okay in the ambulance.
{35345}{35381}She was asking after you, Marcus.
{35383}{35426}That's nice of her.
{35453}{35543}Listen, you know this has|nothing to do with you, don't you?
{35558}{35623}I mean, you're not the reason that she....
{35630}{35721}You're not the reason that she's here.|Isn't that right, Will?
{35781}{35835}Yeah, that's right.
{35872}{35915}I'll go get you some water.
{35920}{35993}-I can get that.|-No, you're okay.
{36178}{36222}Your mum's going to be okay.
{36224}{36257}Yeah, I suppose.
{36272}{36335}That's not the point, though, is it?
{36337}{36411}Right, you mean you're afraid|she might try again?
{36413}{36459}Just shut up, all right?
{36502}{36553}There you go, warm and flat.
{36558}{36594}Are you with Fiona Brewer?
{36597}{36630}Yes, I'm her friend Suzie.
{36632}{36699}This is Marcus and Will.
{36701}{36765}She's recovering well,|but we'll keep her overnight.
{36768}{36885}I'm going to get a consent form for Ms. Brewer|so the boy can stay with you two tonight.
{36892}{36920}Right.
{36981}{37032}So, my place or yours?
{37045}{37073}Sorry.
{37392}{37418}Okay.
{37420}{37484}-I should get back to Ned, I think.|-I'll take that.
{37486}{37518}All right.
{37520}{37570}All in all, this was very interesting.
{37573}{37623}So I'll call.
{37625}{37685}But I wouldn't want to do it every night.
{37687}{37713}See you soon.
{37715}{37789}The thing is,|a person's life is like a TV show.
{37793}{37848}I was the star of The Will Show.
{37851}{37927}And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama.
{37931}{37992}Guests came and went, but I was the regular.
{37994}{38052}It came down to me, and me alone.
{38063}{38135}If Marcus' mum|couldn't manage her own show...
{38137}{38234}...if her ratings were falling,|it was sad, but that was her problem.
{38237}{38359}Ultimately, the whole single-mum plot line|was a bit complicated for me.
{40582}{40653}I got the letter. Thanks.
{40726}{40801}Oh, my God. I'd forgotten.
{40830}{40863}You forgot?
{40865}{40904}You forgot a suicide letter?
{40906}{40988}I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did I?
{41091}{41163}Did you read the part|where I said I'd always love you?
{41165}{41238}It's a bit hard for you|to love me when you're dead, isn't it?
{41240}{41273}I'm sorry.
{41449}{41546}I can understand why you're angry, Marcus.
{41677}{41757}I don't feel the same as I did yesterday,|if that's any help.
{41759}{41782}What?
{41793}{41837}It's all just gone away? All that?
{41849}{41874}No, but...
{41906}{41984}...at the moment, I feel better.
{41993}{42038}"At the moment" is no good to me.
{42041}{42129}I can see you feel better at the moment.|You just put the kettle on.
{42131}{42229}But what happens when you finish your tea?|What happens when I go back to school?
{42231}{42315}-I can't be here to watch you all the time.|-I know.
{42346}{42439}We have to look after each other. The two of us.
{42461}{42554}Suddenly I realized|two people isn't enough.
{42565}{42595}You need a backup.
{42597}{42676}If you're only two people,|and someone drops off the edge...
{42678}{42715}...then you're on your own.
{42717}{42758}Two isn't a large enough number.
{42760}{42807}You need three, at least.
{42816}{42880}-Three what?|-Nothing.
{42893}{42935}But I'd had a great idea.
{42962}{43048}The important thing in island living|is to be your own activities director.
{43050}{43117}I find the key is to think of a day|as units of time...
{43118}{43200}...each unit consisting|of no more than 30 minutes.
{43202}{43259}Full hours can be a little bit intimidating...
{43262}{43320}...and most activities take about half an hour.
{43322}{43364}Taking a bath: One unit.
{43378}{43411}Watching Countdown:
{43413}{43446}Okay....
{43454}{43481}One unit.
{43503}{43552}Web-based research:
{43592}{43616}Two units.
{43618}{43702}Exercising: Three units.
{43723}{43790}Having my hair carefully disheveled: Four units.
{43792}{43844}It's amazing how the day fills up.
{43847}{43897}I often wonder, to be absolutely honest...
{43899}{43963}...if I'd ever really have time for a job.
{43985}{44034}How do people cram them in?
{44164}{44196}Yeah, Will here.
{44203}{44254}It's Marcus.|Pardon?
{44258}{44288}It's Marcus.
{44290}{44318}Marcus?
{44335}{44392}Marcus. Hi.
{44417}{44461}How'd you get my number?
{44466}{44489}From Suzie.
{44491}{44561}I thought you'd like to take me out for the day|on Saturday.
{44563}{44608}And why did you think that, Marcus?
{44610}{44651}Suzie said we hit it off.
{44654}{44696}Did she?|Yeah.
{44699}{44769}-And you said, "See you soon."|-I said what?
{44771}{44795}"See you soon."
{44799}{44888}The night you dropped us off. Remember?|You said, "See you soon."
{44892}{44987}This is soon, all right, Marcus.
{44994}{45072}The thing is, mate,|my life is kind of hectic at the moment.
{45074}{45124}Why? I thought you did nothing.
{45150}{45245}I've got Ned and stuff to look after.
{45254}{45338}Matter of fact, I should be on the way|to preschool right now.
{45340}{45370}What's that noise?
{45372}{45410}That's a lawn mower.
{45412}{45478}So, you know, just time-wise it's not....
{45516}{45592}Tell you what, just hold the line one sec.
{45594}{45638}Hold on, one sec. Thanks.
{45640}{45689}But then I thought, "Why not?"
{45691}{45757}Why shouldn't I take|the poor little sod out for a meal?
{45759}{45838}I could be Uncle Will.|Cool Uncle Will, King of the Kids.
{45877}{45925}Okay, Marcus. You're on.
{45927}{45975}I'll come if you take my mum, too.
{45977}{46073}She has no money, so we'll have to go|somewhere cheap or you'll have to treat us.
{46075}{46133}Listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.
{46135}{46207}Why should I? We're poor.|You're rich. You pay.
{46209}{46253}Bring your little boy, I don't mind.
{46255}{46288}That's really big of you.
{46290}{46340}Fine. Come round at 12:30 or something.
{46342}{46372}Remember where we live?
{46374}{46478}Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road,|Islington, London, N12SF.
{46480}{46518}England, the world, the universe.
{46520}{46583}Yeah.|Marcus?
{46705}{46782}So, Fiona, how are you?
{46815}{46925}-I mean, how are you feeling?|-My stomach's fine.
{46951}{46980}Great.
{47012}{47075}I must still be a bit barmy, though.
{47077}{47152}This kind of thing doesn't go away overnight,|does it?
{47175}{47200}No.
{47262}{47361}If Mum was going to get Will to marry|her, she'd have to quit making jokes.
{47364}{47390}At least she looked good.
{47392}{47433}I had her put on that nice hairy jumper...
{47436}{47507}...and the earrings she got from her friend|that went to Zimbabwe.
{47511}{47565}The kid seemed to think|this was a date.
{47567}{47622}As for his mum, she was clearly insane...
{47624}{47700}...and appeared to be wearing|some kind of Yeti costume.
{47702}{47779}This had better be quick.|We were definitely not ordering starters.
{47781}{47820}I'll start with the artichoke, please.
{47822}{47897}Then I'll have a mushroom omelet with fries|and a Coke.
{47900}{47971}-I'll have the vegetable platter.|-We're vegetarians.
{47978}{48003}I'd never have guessed.
{48005}{48062}Steak sandwich, please, mate. Thanks.
{48155}{48202}This was going really well.
{48204}{48301}I wondered if we were going to move into|Will's place or move into someplace new.
{48353}{48455}"I heard he sang a good song
{48471}{48543}"I heard he had a style"
{48584}{48650}I knew, of course,|the song couldn't last forever...
{48652}{48714}...that I'd soon be at home, tucked up in bed.
{48716}{48775}I knew it, but I couldn't feel it.
{48811}{48890}"And there he was, this young boy"
{48897}{48974}I must've been insane.|All I'd wanted was a date with Suzie.
{48977}{49011}This was my punishment.
{49013}{49116}"Strumming my pain with his fingers"
{49153}{49220}The worst part was|when they closed their eyes.
{49224}{49293}"Killing me softly with his song
{49295}{49338}"Killing me softly"
{49355}{49396}Come sing with us, Will.
{49407}{49469}I should really get going. Thanks.
{49508}{49576}That's the problem with charity.|You must mean it.
{49578}{49620}You have to mean things to help people.
{49622}{49712}Like the time I volunteered|to help out at a soup kitchen...
{49714}{49771}...and very nearly made it.
{49773}{49822}Or the time at Amnesty International.
{49824}{49917}Did you know in Burma you get seven years|in prison for telling jokes?
{49919}{50004}Next time you laugh, think of Pa Pa Lay,|the Burmese standup comedian.
{50006}{50079}We're at a crucial stage|in our struggle for human rights...
{50081}{50149}...which have been grossly abused|by the ruling junta.
{50151}{50189}We need your support more than ever.
{50191}{50237}Together we can make a difference....
{50239}{50318}You're kidding.|And what's your boyfriend say about that?
{50326}{50403}Wait a minute.|You say you haven't got a boyfriend?
{50405}{50467}Talk about human rights violations.
{50593}{50654}Is that right? You're in the bath now?
{50686}{50738}You have to mean things to help people.
{50740}{50782}Fiona meant Killing Me Softly.
{50784}{50894}Killing Me Softly meant something to her|and look where she ended up.
{50941}{51039}Me, I didn't mean anything, about anything,|to anyone.
{51046}{51134}I knew that guaranteed me|a long, depression-free life.
{51837}{51918}Yet over the next few days,|I did have a strange feeling.
{51920}{51983}Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind.
{51986}{52028}And I didn't like it.
{52352}{52407}You don't have a kid, do you?
{52439}{52460}What?
{52462}{52517}You don't have a kid, do you?
{52519}{52568}Of course I do! What are you on about?
{52570}{52596}No, you don't.
{52598}{52676}I've been watching you,|and you don't have a kid.
{52712}{52783}What is it to you, anyway?|Nothing.
{52789}{52889}Except you've been lying to me,|my mum and my mum's friend.
{52906}{52943}-Can I come in?|-No.
{52945}{52972}Why?
{52974}{52998}'Cause I'm busy.
{53004}{53103}-What are you doing?|-I'm watching TV.
{53125}{53182}I could watch it with you, if you like.
{53185}{53217}That's very nice of you...
{53219}{53273}...but I usually manage on my own, thanks.
{53344}{53398}Don't you have homework to do, or something?
{53400}{53447}-Want to help?|-No, that's not what I meant.
{53449}{53502}I meant, why don't you go home|and do your homework?
{53504}{53542}I'll do you a deal.
{53543}{53646}I won't tell anyone you don't have a kid|if you go out with my mum.
{53747}{53806}You'd want your mum|to go out with someone like me?
{53809}{53843}You're not too bad.
{53845}{53922}I mean, you told lies,|but apart from that you seem okay.
{53942}{54007}And she's sad. I think she'd like a boyfriend.
{54039}{54087}I can't just go out with someone...
{54089}{54170}...because you want me to.|I'd have to like the person, as well.
{54174}{54261}-What's wrong with her?|-Nothing's wrong with her, it's just the system.
{54263}{54332}That's how it....|I'm not talking about this with you.
{54334}{54365}Just go.
{54367}{54413}Okay. But I'll be back.
{54415}{54463}I'm really scared!
{54502}{54592}That's the best I could come up with,|"I'm scared."
{54598}{54672}But as a matter of fact, I was.
{56261}{56298}Okay, that's it. Tim, goodbye.
{56304}{56356}-Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye.|-Goodbye.
{56358}{56451}And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye.
{56665}{56709}Thanks. See you.
{57085}{57155}Hello, everybody.|Welcome to the game of Countdown.
{57157}{57233}You remember yesterday, Carol,|I revealed to a grateful nation...
{57235}{57279}...that our guest, Tom O'Connell--
{57281}{57352}Yes.|He, like all of us, changes for each show.
{57354}{57387}But he is such a--
{57474}{57512}HOST 1: Is that right?|HOST 2: Yeah.
{57514}{57590}Another term for Hosta, I think.
{57598}{57622}Yes, well.
{57624}{57727}Named after Heinrich Christian Funck,|who also invented disco dancing.
{57798}{57854}Yes. I've got all his audios.
{58767}{58862}Mum, did you always know|I was going to be a vegetarian?
{58877}{58907}Yeah, of course I did.
{58911}{58996}I didn't decide on the spur of the moment|'cause we ran out of sausages.
{58998}{59055}Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian?
{59058}{59102}What, when you were born?
{59107}{59160}I do the cooking and I don't want to cook meat.
{59162}{59222}You have to eat what I eat.
{59253}{59316}But you don't let me go to McDonald's, either.
{59329}{59390}Is this premature teenage rebellion?
{59405}{59461}I can't stop you from going to McDonald's.
{59463}{59526}I'd just be disappointed if you did.
{59597}{59675}Don't worry, Mum.|I won't go to McDonald's.
{59763}{59869}After a few visits, Will seemed to think|he had to ask me serious questions.
{59871}{59969}But I knew he really wanted to watch|Warrior Princess.
{59971}{60016}So, how's it going at home then?
{60018}{60082}-You mean my mum?|-Yeah.
{60092}{60141}She's all right, thanks.
{60219}{60278}I mean, you know, she's....
{60318}{60408}Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that.
{60501}{60551}Does it still bother you, then?
{60577}{60612}Does it bother me?
{60657}{60695}Are you decent?
{60804}{60844}Every single day.
{60849}{60908}That's why I come here, instead of going home.
{60912}{60976}A bit. When I think about it.
{61038}{61079}Fucking hell.
{61159}{61250}I don't know why he swore like that,|but it made me feel better.
{61273}{61358}It made me feel like I wasn't being pathetic|to get so scared.
{61442}{61513}I wouldn't make the mistake of asking|about Fiona again.
{61515}{61558}Marcus was clearly screwed up about it...
{61560}{61654}...and unfortunately I couldn't think|of anything to say that'd be of any value.
{61656}{61719}Next time he could talk to Suzie,|or a counselor...
{61722}{61796}...or anybody capable|of something more than an obscenity.
{61798}{61851}Shit! It can't be.
{61930}{61981}November-the-sodding-19.
{61983}{62084}Six weeks before Christmas|and already they were playing the bloody thing.
{62099}{62127}Dad?
{62314}{62361}What was your dad like?
{62380}{62416}A bit sad, really.
{62429}{62516}You know, he wrote one crap song|that turned out to be a massive hit...
{62518}{62609}...and then spent the rest of his life|trying to write a better one.
{62611}{62658}Do you ever want to write songs like him?
{62660}{62713}Is that what the guitar's for?
{62749}{62775}No.
{62808}{62868}So, that's just there to look cool.
{62884}{62906}Yeah.
{62994}{63050}I like Santa's Super Sleigh.
{63458}{63532}Madonna! Come here!|We've got something.
{63539}{63596}He's getting away, look!|Hurry up!
{63600}{63685}On Pet Rescue today,|the clever stoat keeps everyone...
{63687}{63742}...on their toes in Somerset.
{64360}{64393}Hey!
{64398}{64445}What are you doing?|Who are you?
{64447}{64475}Who am I?
{64479}{64578}Bugger off, that's who I am! Go on, piss off!
{64626}{64663}Who were they, then?
{64665}{64697}Who?
{64699}{64724}What do you mean, "Who?"
{64726}{64795}The ones|trying to embed sweets into your skull.
{64798}{64823}Oh, them.
{64825}{64919}They're just a couple of older kids.|They started following me after school.
{64921}{64961}Does this happen often?
{64963}{65028}They never chucked sweets before,|they just thought of that.
{65030}{65115}I'm not talking about the sweets.|The kids trying to kill you.
{65117}{65173}Yeah, they give me a hard time.
{65178}{65262}You know, about my hair,|and my clothes and singing and stuff.
{65265}{65300}And what? And singing?
{65334}{65402}Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing.
{65421}{65460}That's not a brilliant idea, is it?
{65462}{65559}I said I did it without noticing, didn't I?|It just happens!
{65568}{65658}I'm not going to do it on purpose, am I?|I'm not stupid, you know.
{65661}{65761}My advice is to keep out of people's way.|Try to make yourself invisible.
{65763}{65797}How can I be invisible?
{65799}{65854}One machine in your kitchen|is an invisible machine?
{65856}{65897}I don't think so.
{65950}{66019}I just try not to think of it, that's all.
{66048}{66131}It happens, and I wish it didn't,|but that's life, isn't it?
{66184}{66245}There's nothing I can do about it.
{66327}{66353}No.
{66398}{66473}There is something we can do about it, Marcus.
{66491}{66529}You're coming with me.
{66531}{66617}I was worried he was going to take me|to the headmistress' office.
{66654}{66700}But instead he took me shopping.
{66702}{66731}I don't get it.
{66733}{66773}We're starting with your feet.
{66775}{66871}I can't make you invisible,|but I can make you blend in with the crowd.
{66891}{66974}I don't know how to tie them.|They've got these funny strappy things.
{66976}{67006}It's called Velcro.
{67008}{67066}It's a revolutionary new technology.
{67131}{67206}For Christ's sake. It's not hard.
{67262}{67309}All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard.
{67312}{67382}-Everything all right?|-Yeah, thanks.
{67416}{67483}Pretty trendy, your old man, isn't he?
{67567}{67616}There. You think you look cool, don't you?
{67618}{67646}Don't know.
{67651}{67743}-Do you think I look cool?|-Yeah, Marcus.
{67768}{67836}-I think you look cool.|-Yeah.
{67899}{67977}That's it, you got the walk. That's really cool.
{68014}{68091}Brilliant. High five. Yeah.
{68101}{68177}I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary|rush of well-being.
{68179}{68247}So this is what people meant by a natural high.
{68249}{68303}And it only cost60.
{68305}{68377}I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy.
{68381}{68433}And there wasn't anything in it for me at all.
{68435}{68485}I didn't even want to shag his mum.
{68755}{68821}Marcus! What happened to your shoes?
{68827}{68867}They stole them.
{69109}{69157}Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?
{69159}{69213}I could see I had to tell the truth.
{69215}{69287}The problem was,|the truth would lead to a lot more questions.
{69290}{69327}They were nice ones.
{69329}{69386}They were just ordinary brown lace-ups.
{69388}{69464}No, they weren't. They were cool new trainers.
{69468}{69524}Where did you get cool new trainers?
{69526}{69568}She had loads more questions.
{69570}{69613}Will bought them for me.
{69653}{69677}Will?
{69706}{69769}-The guy who took us to lunch?|-Yeah.
{69778}{69825}He's sort of become my friend.
{69838}{69879}He's sort of become your friend?
{69881}{69941}She kept repeating|the last thing I said.
{69943}{69983}Except she shouted it.
{69990}{70045}I go round to his place after school.
{70047}{70111}You go round to his place after school!
{70113}{70204}-You see, he doesn't really have a kid.|-He doesn't really have a kid?
{70206}{70257}Can I play computer games now?
{70263}{70288}Where does he live?
{70291}{70358}He's not there at the moment.|He's out to dinner.
{70408}{70480}Christine had asked me to dinner|for a pep talk.
{70483}{70564}You will end up childless and alone.
{70566}{70615}Both fingers crossed, yeah.
{70661}{70697}You must have a lot of courage.
{70699}{70747}Why is that, Christine?
{70763}{70846}Most people need something in their lives|to keep them afloat...
{70849}{70920}...and you have absolutely nothing.
{70939}{70985}Doesn't that scare you?
{71002}{71049}Do you know what you want?
{71087}{71125}Yes, I do. I'll have the steak--
{71127}{71212}What the hell are these little|after-school tea parties about?
{71224}{71271}Hi. Sorry? What did you say?
{71273}{71372}I was just wondering why a single,|childless man would want to hang out...
{71374}{71433}...with a 12-year-old boy every day?
{71437}{71509}You didn't tell your mum|that you've been coming round?
{71512}{71569}-I think I forgot.|-Tell me what?
{71585}{71628}What are you doing with my son?
{71632}{71687}Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here?
{71689}{71743}-I'm not suggesting anything.|-I think you are.
{71745}{71831}You were suggesting that|I've been interfering with your son.
{71833}{71940}I'm simply asking you|why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat.
{71942}{72002}-My God!|-Oh, my God!
{72024}{72096}What do you have to say for yourself?
{72111}{72139}Well?
{72141}{72183}Don't "well" me!
{72185}{72224}Don't "well" me about this!
{72226}{72291}He comes over uninvited every night!|Do you know why?
{72293}{72385}He's having the shit bullied out of him at school!|And you haven't got a clue.
{72388}{72437}You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter!
{72439}{72525}He's been taken to pieces every day of the week,|you daft, fucking hippie!
{72527}{72592}I think you're being a bit melodramatic.|Marcus is fine.
{72594}{72693}Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't.|It should be the other way around.
{72695}{72741}You haven't had much contact with kids.
{72743}{72809}I used to be a bloody kid!|I went to a bloody school.
{72811}{72894}I know when kids can't settle down|and when kids are miserable!
{72896}{72983}Look at him, for Christ's sake!|Don't accuse me of being melodramatic.
{72985}{73069}-This coming from a woman who tried to--|-Cowabunga!
{73098}{73163}-What's the matter with you?|-Nothing.
{73168}{73206}I just felt like a shout.
{73208}{73238}Jesus, what a family.
{73242}{73325}Will, you're disturbing the other customers.
{73327}{73365}It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done.
{73367}{73429}-Okay, so, you're not....|-What?
{73450}{73501}No, I'm not! No, I'm not.
{73517}{73557}Listen, don't worry about it.
{73560}{73612}I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay?
{73614}{73671}I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly.
{73673}{73715}Go on. Bugger off.
{73775}{73801}Sorry.
{74026}{74061}So that's it, is it?
{74063}{74130}You're just out of his life, like that.
{74134}{74154}Excuse me?
{74156}{74210}Let's say you're right and I'm wrong.
{74212}{74258}Let's say there's this whole world...
{74260}{74344}...that I don't understand,|and somehow, miraculously, you do.
{74346}{74397}What are you going to do about it?
{74399}{74470}I'm not going to do anything.|He's none of my business.
{74472}{74537}-You're a selfish bastard.|-That's what I tell him.
{74539}{74626}-He always puts himself first.|-But I'm on my own.
{74636}{74659}It's just me.
{74661}{74727}I'm not putting myself first.|There's nobody else.
{74729}{74753}Yes, there is!
{74757}{74814}There's Marcus. You're involved now.
{74816}{74869}He keeps coming around your bloody house.
{74871}{74930}You've come into his life for a reason.
{74932}{74971}You can't just shut him out.
{74973}{75048}You can't shut life out. "No man is an island."
{75050}{75097}-She's right, you know.|-Yeah, she is.
{75099}{75135}No, she's not! She's wrong!
{75137}{75183}Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island!
{75185}{75219}I'm bloody lbiza!
{75253}{75302}What are you talking about?
{75320}{75378}Do you want to come over for Christmas?
{75441}{75519}No, Marcus, I do not want|to come over for bloody Christmas.
{75524}{75625}I do not want to spend Christmas|with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn.
{75665}{75719}I'd always thought|what you did with Christmas...
{75721}{75801}...was sort of a statement about|where you stood in life.
{75814}{75894}I was going to spend this Christmas|the way I usually did.
{75900}{75974}Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned.
{76281}{76359}Before you came,|I was all alone.
{76370}{76415}It is bad to be alone.
{76426}{76499}Alone, bad.
{76518}{76565}Friend, good.
{76578}{76658}Friend, goodl
{76701}{76738}Now come here.
{76749}{76824}The good news was it wasn't|just me and Fiona and Marcus.
{76826}{76892}The bad news was, well....
{76897}{76988}So, you're Marcus' dad.
{76999}{77132}Yeah, I guess so.|And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey.
{77224}{77259}And Lindsey's mum.
{77336}{77371}Hi there.
{77583}{77652}-Thanks, Dad.|-That's okay.
{77664}{77703}I had to hand it to the kid.
{77705}{77787}He could be enthusiastic|about some truly crap present.
{77799}{77860}Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum.
{77880}{77910}Isn't that cool, Will?
{77912}{77975}Yeah, that'll come in handy.
{77978}{78028}I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect."
{78030}{78147}Maybe you can perform at that school concert.|Get a pop group together. Make some friends.
{78161}{78195}Maybe, Mum.
{78244}{78339}When you sing,|it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.
{78366}{78401}Thanks, Mum.
{78520}{78584}This one's from me.
{78767}{78836}Brilliant! What is it?
{78843}{78878}It's a CD, Marcus.
{78889}{78956}By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them.
{78958}{79012}And what kind of music is Mystikal?
{79019}{79089}It's sort of world music.
{79106}{79144}"Shake Ya Ass."
{79154}{79197}Slash rap type thing.
{79219}{79264}Shake Ya Ass?
{79266}{79298}Is he Moroccan?
{79300}{79347}I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player.
{79349}{79373}It's great anyway.
{79375}{79482}I know you haven't got a CD player,|so, I got you one of them as well.
{79489}{79536}What a lucky boy.
{79567}{79599}Look, Mum.
{79611}{79675}-Open yours, Will.|-All right. Thanks a lot.
{79795}{79862}-Marcus, is this a joke?|-Yeah.
{79902}{79932}It's not bad.
{79942}{80013}Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late!
{80019}{80067}-Have I missed anything?|-No, come on in.
{80069}{80131}-Merry Christmas.|-Merry Christmas!
{80149}{80184}Hey!
{80217}{80258}Long time no see.
{80297}{80325}Where's Megan?
{80327}{80433}At her dad's. Where's Ned?|At his mum's for Christmas?
{80603}{80628}Yeah.
{80631}{80709}No. I should probably go, shouldn't I?
{80719}{80811}You could go pose as Santa,|try and shag some carol singers.
{80813}{80860}Are you a professional Santa?
{80862}{80892}How lovely!
{80894}{80953}Right. That's it. I'm off.
{80957}{80998}Thank you very much. It was great.
{81000}{81064}Suzie has every right to express her anger.
{81067}{81105}Yes, and she's expressed it.
{81107}{81162}Now I have a right to bugger off.
{81164}{81214}Thanks a lot. 'Bye.
{81216}{81244}Wait!
{81257}{81300}He's my friend. I invited him.
{81302}{81350}I should be able to tell him when to go home.
{81352}{81409}I haven't told Will to go, Marcus.
{81411}{81489}Suzie's angry and has every right to be,|and she's telling him so.
{81491}{81518}She's right, Marcus.
{81521}{81564}Just leave it, okay?
{81580}{81637}All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks.
{81640}{81700}God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares?
{81702}{81751}Kids at school do worse than that every day!
{81753}{81823}The point is, Marcus,|Will left school a long time ago.
{81825}{81879}He should've grown out|of making people up by now.
{81881}{81937}-That's for sure.|-lt's not fair to gang up on him.
{81939}{81980}He's been better behaved since then.
{81984}{82110}He bought me trainers, he lets me go round|to his house and he knows what kids need.
{82112}{82185}What?|Expensive footwear and obscene music?
{82187}{82261}If there's something you really need|then we can talk about it.
{82263}{82350}No, we can't. It's not a discussion,|it's an argument, and you always win.
{82352}{82423}-Why not just tell me what to do?|-I want you to think for yourself!
{82425}{82486}I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay!
{82488}{82548}He's not the only one|who ever did anything wrong!
{82550}{82603}Remember how we met? Remember why?|Because you--
{82605}{82716}Because you threw a loaf of bread|at a duck's head and killed it, basically.
{82823}{82878}Excuse me? What's this about a duck?
{82880}{82939}Are we having duck? Delicious!
{83002}{83051}Of course we were not having duck.
{83053}{83124}Instead we had nut loaf with parsnip gravy.
{83167}{83234}As I sat there, I had a strange feeling.
{83252}{83297}I was enjoying myself.
{83314}{83376}I'd never really enjoyed Christmas before.
{83380}{83435}My mother used to make me sing|Santa's Super Sleigh...
{83437}{83496}...in front of my inebriated uncles and aunts...
{83499}{83556}...just to get at my dad, I think.
{83565}{83653}But Christmas at Marcus',|I'm ashamed to say it, gave me...
{83655}{83697}...a warm, fuzzy feeling.
{83708}{83792}I held that feeling responsible|for the strange events that followed.
{83886}{83950}First of all, Marcus got a crush on a girl.
{83952}{84002}Hello.|Piss off.
{84048}{84144}And then, even stranger, so did I.
{84171}{84209}It was all Marcus' fault, really...
{84211}{84314}...because once you open your door|to one person, anyone can come in.
{84332}{84383}On New Year's Eve, I met Rachel.
{84385}{84450}She was interesting, smart and attractive.
{84453}{84539}And for about five minutes,|I had her convinced that I was, too.
{84541}{84592}...things like political events.
{84595}{84615}Okay.
{84617}{84652}You in television?
{84660}{84741}Am I in television? No.
{84743}{84795}-Everyone else is in television.|-Yeah.
{84797}{84825}I watch television.
{84827}{84901}Right, right.|So you're more in front of it than in it.
{84903}{84950}-ln it, yeah.|-Yes, I get it, yeah.
{84952}{84982}It was torture.
{84985}{85090}For five minutes I realized what life would be like|if I were, in any way, interesting.
{85092}{85177}If I had anything to say for myself,|if I did anything.
{85180}{85221}But I didn't do anything.
{85237}{85334}And in about 30 seconds she'd know|and she'd be gone like a shot.
{85339}{85398}So what do you do?
{85452}{85536}I'm sort of taking a bit of time off at the moment.
{85538}{85596}-Sounds good, yeah.|-Yeah.
{85616}{85659}Time off from what?
{85672}{85822}To be absolutely honest,|time off from time off, in fact.
{85826}{85943}The interesting thing about me is|I don't actually do anything.
{86021}{86091}-You don't do anything?|-Actually, no.
{86153}{86212}-Nothing.|-Nope.
{86230}{86254}Wow.
{86287}{86314}That's....
{86352}{86390}Now, Rachel, darling.
{86420}{86496}East Coast or West Coast rap?
{86499}{86529}I have absolutely no....
{86531}{86632}There. She was gone.|There was no more to say.
{86654}{86710}All rap music sounds exactly the same to me.
{86712}{86735}Or was there?
{86737}{86828}I tell you what. I know a 12-year-old|who'd kill you for saying that.
{86830}{86872}-Really?|-Yes.
{86874}{86938}-So do l, come to that.|-Yeah?
{86947}{87012}-Yeah. What's yours called?|-Mine?
{87052}{87136}He's called Marcus.
{87162}{87222}Mine's Ali. Alistair.
{87236}{87273}And there it was.
{87275}{87348}It wasn't a lie.|It was 100 percent her assumption.
{87361}{87415}Well, 50 percent, at the very least.
{87486}{87577}I was in fantasyland again.|But this time it was different.
{87585}{87709}SPAT was for fun. This was serious.|I acted in self-defense.
{87910}{87960}We arranged to get our lads together.
{87963}{88034}Which means|we arranged for us to get together.
{88040}{88102}Single parents, alone together.
{88136}{88188}Happy New Year!
{88214}{88260}I was in deep trouble.
{88298}{88371}And there was only one person|who could help me out.
{88609}{88722}"Shake ya ass, but watch ya self|Shake ya ass, show me what you workin' with
{88726}{88770}"Shake ya ass, watch ya self
{88821}{88917}-"Show me what you workin' with"|-What did you just say to me?
{88945}{89019}You heard me, squitty little shitty|snot-nosed bastard!
{89021}{89047}Sorry.
{89052}{89109}I was singing along to this song by Mystikal.
{89113}{89146}It's a rap.
{89149}{89185}You like rap?
{89190}{89211}A little.
{89213}{89291}It's by black people, mostly.|They're angry most of the time.
{89293}{89352}But sometimes they just want to have sex.
{89381}{89409}You taking a piss?
{89411}{89453}'Cause if you are, you'll get a slap.
{89456}{89491}I'm not taking a piss.
{89493}{89560}I don't even know how to take a piss.
{89570}{89621}-What's your name?|-Marcus.
{89681}{89714}I'm Ellie.
{89721}{89761}Hi, Ellie. Nice to meet you.
{89763}{89871}Not so fast. I'm not ready for physical contact.|Next thing you know, we'll be having sex.
{89873}{89920}And where will that get us?
{89924}{90000}And stop telling strangers to shake their ass.
{90020}{90068}Okay, Ellie. See you!
{90327}{90363}Hello, mate.
{90390}{90451}Listen, I need your help.
{90508}{90563}Why did you tell this lady I was your son?
{90565}{90595}No, I didn't tell her.
{90598}{90668}I told you,|she just got the wrong end of the stick.
{90670}{90702}So just tell her.
{90704}{90754}-No. Can't do that.|-Why not?
{90756}{90860}We're really going around in circles here.|Just accept the facts, okay?
{90865}{90901}You're my son.
{90903}{90950}I'll tell her, if you like. I don't mind.
{90952}{91009}That's very kind of you, Marcus, but no.
{91011}{91066}-Why not?|-For Christ's sake!
{91068}{91156}She's got a rare disease|and if she believes something that's not right...
{91158}{91264}...then hears the truth, her brain will boil|in her head and she'll die, okay?
{91277}{91323}That's a load of shit.
{91342}{91433}I'm really interested in this woman.
{91440}{91494}What do you mean, interested?
{91504}{91548}What's so interesting about her?
{91550}{91593}Okay, Marcus, here.
{91602}{91670}Here's my last scrap of dignity. Enjoy it.
{91679}{91737}I want to go out with her. Okay?
{91739}{91797}I'd like her to be my girlfriend. There, I said it.
{91799}{91862}Brilliant! Why didn't you just say that?
{91873}{91918}I don't know.
{91927}{92003}I was embarrassed or something,|'cause this is a bit new for me.
{92005}{92067}I just met her, her name's Rachel. She's sort of--
{92069}{92112}There's this girl at school. Ellie.
{92115}{92159}I kind of want her to be my girlfriend.
{92162}{92204}I'm not exactly sure.
{92209}{92248}I've been meaning to ask you.
{92250}{92346}What's the difference between|a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?
{92348}{92432}Well, I don't know.
{92443}{92499}Do you want to touch her?
{92501}{92531}Is that so important?
{92533}{92573}Yeah, you've heard about sex, right?
{92575}{92614}It is kind of a big deal.
{92616}{92665}I know. I'm not stupid.
{92681}{92740}I just can't believe there's nothing more to it.
{92742}{92842}I mean, like, I want to be with her more.|I want to be with her all the time.
{92844}{92913}And I want to tell her things|I don't even tell you or Mum.
{92915}{92975}And I don't want her to have another boyfriend.
{92977}{93026}If I could have all those things...
{93028}{93108}...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.
{93128}{93177}Well, you'll learn, Marcus.
{93186}{93238}You won't feel like that forever.
{93339}{93380}Okay, how do I look?
{93383}{93426}Good. How do I look?
{93479}{93551}Just be as normal as you can, okay?
{93575}{93616}Good advice for Marcus.
{93618}{93659}I wish I could have followed it.
{93661}{93703}I'm sorry it's such a mess.
{93705}{93754}That's where I work.
{93796}{93859}My mouth was dry|and my palms sweating.
{93861}{93921}I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.
{93924}{93990}...manage to tidy up. Ali?
{93992}{94062}All I could do was stand there,|grinning like an idiot.
{94064}{94133}-Should we just go upstairs?|-Sure. Okay.
{94199}{94226}Ali.
{94235}{94259}Marcus.
{94283}{94307}Marcus.
{94327}{94352}Ali.
{94378}{94446}You're in my year at school.
{94453}{94519}Really? Yeah, I think I've seen you around.
{94521}{94542}Great!
{94544}{94598}Then you guys'll have a lot to talk about.
{94600}{94644}Will, this is Ali.
{94650}{94690}Ali, this is Will.
{94698}{94757}-All right.|-All right.
{94796}{94875}Do you guys want to hang up here for a while?
{94899}{94949}-Yeah, sounds good, right?|-Yeah. Okay.
{94951}{94996}For a moment, I loved him.
{94998}{95033}Really loved him.
{95035}{95089}You can show him|your new computer games.
{95092}{95137}Good. Okay, catch you later.
{95139}{95188}Let's leave them to it.
{95410}{95479}If your dad goes out with my mum,|then you're dead.
{95481}{95516}Really dead.
{95529}{95603}-Don't worry. He's all right.|-I don't care if he's all right!
{95607}{95651}I don't want him going out with my mum!
{95655}{95743}I don't want to see him|or you around here ever again, okay?
{95745}{95790}I'm not really sure it's up to me.
{95792}{95866}Well, it better be! Or you're going to die.
{95868}{95962}I was getting the feeling|that maybe this kid Ali was a serial killer.
{95964}{96038}Can I have a go on your computer?|What games you got?
{96042}{96083}Are you listening to me?
{96095}{96172}Yeah, it's just that I can't really|do much at the moment, can I?
{96174}{96251}I mean, Will, that's my dad...
{96279}{96348}...he likes your mum,|and I think she's keen on him.
{96350}{96389}She's not keen on him!
{96393}{96437}She's only keen on me!
{96489}{96530}One amazing thing about Rachel...
{96534}{96623}...was that I wanted to kiss her every time|she said something interesting.
{96635}{96676}Which was all the time.
{96683}{96752}It was sexy. It was weird.
{96779}{96863}RACHEL: I use Bristol boards, India ink and....
{96893}{96927}Am I boring you?
{96933}{96968}No, no. No.
{97001}{97050}-What?|-Nothing.
{97059}{97121}It's just you looked like Marcus just then.
{97146}{97167}Did I?
{97169}{97252}I think it's sweet how much|he seems to take after you...
{97258}{97332}...and the way he dresses like you, as well.
{97346}{97434}I don't think I dress like Marcus, really.
{97521}{97546}Marcus?
{97638}{97712}Wait! Hang on. Hang on.|Come on, we're going back.
{97714}{97775}-He's off his head.|-No, he's not.
{97778}{97879}He said he'd cut me up into little pieces|and hide me under the floorboards.
{97884}{97952}-He did?|-No.
{97954}{97999}But I'm sure he's capable of it.
{98001}{98050}It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise.
{98052}{98129}Marcus, Ali has something to say to you.
{98187}{98221}Doesn't he?
{98257}{98290}Sorry, Marcus.
{98321}{98377}I didn't mean to say those things.
{98391}{98423}It's okay, Ali.
{98469}{98528}Ali finds all this very difficult.
{98538}{98588}Yeah, so does Marcus.
{98637}{98677}Don't you, mate?
{98693}{98741}You know, I mean, divorced parents...
{98743}{98821}...and not knowing|how to feel about new people.
{98869}{98947}Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel.
{98955}{99021}Ali didn't get along|with the last bloke I went out with.
{99025}{99077}-He was a liar!|-All right, darling.
{99099}{99151}He wasn't 100 percent good news.
{99163}{99256}-I'm not saying that you and I are.|-That's okay.
{99262}{99320}He fancies you. He told me.
{99401}{99458}-Thanks a lot, mate.|-Oh, dear.
{99460}{99496}Cheers, mate.
{99581}{99641}Don't look so worried, sweetheart.
{99686}{99707}Ellie!
{99710}{99769}-Marcus? What, are you stalking me?|-No.
{99771}{99823}Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity.
{99825}{99903}Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did l, sexy?
{99947}{99999}All I'm saying is, you know, watch out.
{100001}{100098}It just looks a bit more like owner and pet|than boyfriend and girlfriend.
{100100}{100143}At least I'm honest.
{100147}{100172}What does that mean?
{100174}{100230}It's just that you and Rachel....
{100252}{100321}What? What does that mean?
{100331}{100406}I don't know,|I think there's a problem with you and Rachel.
{100408}{100500}I mean, like, you want to be with her|but she thinks you have a son.
{100505}{100530}And you don't.
{100532}{100581}If you're going to be with someone...
{100583}{100646}...shouldn't you tell them things like that?
{100665}{100690}No.
{100698}{100758}I mean, you know, like the truth.
{100797}{100839}What's wrong with you?
{100857}{100931}But later that night,|when I was on my own...
{100937}{101013}...I remembered the deal|Marcus was prepared to strike.
{101043}{101099}Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel.
{101113}{101183}But at this moment, if I had the choice...
{101192}{101274}...I'd settle for the less and the more|that Marcus wanted.
{101291}{101346}Jesus, was I turning into Marcus?
{101348}{101408}Would he be buying me shoes soon?
{101437}{101516}I took his advice and told Rachel the truth.
{101541}{101591}Or very nearly the truth.
{101594}{101661}That I wasn't Marcus' natural father.
{101690}{101731}And that is not natural seaweed.
{101735}{101828}The problem was, once I told the truth,|I knew there'd be more questions.
{101832}{101893}I don't get it. If you're not his natural father...
{101895}{101995}...and you don't live with him,|then how is he your son?
{102005}{102032}Yeah, I see.
{102039}{102118}It must look very confusing from the outside.
{102120}{102178}Tell me how it is on the inside.
{102194}{102258}It's just one of those long, boring stories.
{102260}{102318}Look, do you want to move on to wine?
{102321}{102368}You want some Chinese rice wine, miss?
{102370}{102494}You would like to try,|I suspect, the Panang Paneng.
{102525}{102546}Yeah?
{102561}{102588}No.
{102630}{102686}Tell me about your relationship with Ali.
{102688}{102777}-ls that as complicated as mine and Marcus'?|-No.
{102779}{102868}I slept with his father,|and then nine months later I gave birth.
{102870}{102895}Pretty straight forward.
{102897}{102955}Yeah. I envy you that.
{102985}{103088}I'm really sorry to harp on about this|but I haven't got it all worked out yet.
{103090}{103195}You are Marcus' stepfather,|but you don't live with him or with his mother.
{103248}{103317}No, you see, wait.
{103589}{103658}I never said he was my son.
{103666}{103686}Did I?
{103688}{103766}The words "I have a son called Marcus,"|never escaped my lips.
{103768}{103822}It's what you chose to believe.
{103824}{103867}Yeah. Right.
{103876}{103928}It's me that's the fantasist.
{103932}{104023}I wanted to believe that you had a son,|so I let my imagination run riot.
{104025}{104077}Obviously I played a part, I can see that.
{104080}{104170}No! Not at all.|I met you and I thought, "Cute guy.
{104172}{104251}"God, if only he had a son.|A geeky, teenage kid, if possible."
{104253}{104322}Then you turned up at my house|with Marcus, and bingo!
{104324}{104433}Now I made this crazy link|'cause of some deep psychological need in me.
{104454}{104519}You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.
{104549}{104601}It could have happened to anyone.
{104681}{104804}The first time I met you|I thought you were a bit blank.
{104864}{104919}But then you changed my mind.
{104955}{105000}Maybe I was right.
{105012}{105057}-Rachel, listen.|-Yes?
{105314}{105363}I'm sorry, you're right.
{105453}{105556}I am a blank.
{105595}{105690}I'm really nothing.
{105796}{105884}I don't know what the hell I was thinking of,|I'm sorry.
{106392}{106416}'Bye, Ellie.
{106420}{106459}Marcus! My man!
{106487}{106511}Bye, Marcus!
{106513}{106553}See you, Marcus!
{107015}{107042}Mum?
{107650}{107768}So, if z = 17, does x > 2?
{107777}{107810}Marcus?
{107846}{107900}I didn't know what the answer was.
{107902}{107954}I didn't know what "x" equaled.
{107956}{108012}And I didn't know how to help my mum.
{108254}{108293}And then I realized.
{108295}{108363}There was something she said|I could do for her.
{108365}{108480}-I'm thinking of singing at the school concert.|-You? At the rock concert?
{108498}{108580}I don't think that would be|a very good idea, Marcus.
{108582}{108615}Will you accompany me?
{108618}{108664}All I've got is a tambourine.
{108679}{108759}No, I'm sorry. It's suicide.
{108796}{108856}I mean, they'll crucify you.
{109452}{109494}Mum's at it again.
{109573}{109644}-At what? Sorry.|-What do you mean, what?
{109670}{109699}The crying.
{109701}{109762}She sits in the house all day, crying.
{109765}{109824}She does it in the mornings, too.
{109896}{110006}It's as bad now as it was|before the Dead Duck Day.
{110143}{110212}Marcus, I'm sorry, mate...
{110268}{110312}...l'm a bit busy at the moment.
{110314}{110387}You're busy? Doing what?
{110444}{110504}-Didn't you hear me?|-I heard you.
{110508}{110587}-What do you want me to do about it?|-I don't know.
{110589}{110651}-You could talk to her.|-Yeah? And what would I say?
{110653}{110705}-I don't know!|-Why would she listen to me?
{110707}{110747}Who am I to her?
{110764}{110807}-I'm nobody.|-You're not nobody.
{110809}{110865}-You're--|-Who? Who do you think I am?
{110892}{110925}Who do you think you are?
{110927}{111022}You come here uninvited,|you disrupt my life, you screw things up.
{111036}{111097}What do you want from me?|This isn't my problem.
{111099}{111167}I'm not your family, mate. I'm not.|I'm not your uncle.
{111169}{111199}I'm not your big brother.
{111201}{111284}We've established pretty firmly|that I'm not your father, either, am I?
{111286}{111307}But....
{111309}{111341}I'll tell you what I am.
{111343}{111450}I'm the guy who's really good at|choosing trainers or records, okay?
{111452}{111515}That's it. I can't help you with real things.
{111519}{111601}I can't help you with anything|that means anything.
{111658}{111699}You could try.
{111928}{111958}You're right.
{111975}{112011}You can't help me.
{112014}{112047}How could you?
{112049}{112114}You're a stupid person who watches TV all day...
{112116}{112140}...and buys things.
{112142}{112250}You don't give a shit about anybody,|and nobody gives a shit about you!
{112986}{113061}Mum said my singing brought|sunshine and happiness...
{113063}{113097}...into her life.
{113103}{113181}So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over.
{113897}{113924}Look, Mum.
{114948}{115072}My life is made up of units of time.|Buying CDs: Two units.
{115113}{115176}Eating lunch: Three units.
{115228}{115307}Exercising: Two units.
{115365}{115429}All in all, I had a very full life.
{115664}{115764}It's just that it didn't mean anything.
{116077}{116214}"Look who's coming|round the bend"
{116411}{116510}The fact was there was only one thing|that meant something to me:
{116799}{116889}Marcus. He was the only thing|that meant something to me.
{116901}{116973}And Fiona was the only thing|that meant something to him.
{116975}{117033}And she was about to fall off the edge.
{117483}{117535}Single parents alone together!
{117537}{117585}Single parents alone together!
{117587}{117692}Single parents alone together!|All for one and one for all!
{117748}{117824}-Fiona!|-Will, we haven't seen you for a while.
{117827}{117860}How's Ned?
{117873}{117978}Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist.
{118006}{118041}Yeah, I made him up.
{118043}{118077}-You made him up?|-Yeah.
{118079}{118140}-To meet women.|-You're sick.
{118163}{118218}-Fiona, I've got to talk to you.|-Go ahead.
{118220}{118288}No, you know, properly talk to you, privately.
{118290}{118364}No, this is a circle of truth.
{118366}{118452}Whatever you have to say,|you can say it in front of everybody.
{118476}{118580}Okay. Please don't try|and commit suicide again.
{118644}{118722}I can't believe you just said that.|That is my private experience.
{118725}{118790}Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not.
{118792}{118830}Marcus is worried about you.
{118832}{118882}I'm worried because he's worried about you.
{118884}{118959}Will, I don't have plans to commit suicide.
{118961}{118985}You don't?
{118987}{119027}Not at the moment, no.
{119046}{119103}Great. Great!
{119105}{119156}Good.
{119158}{119227}You know I'm not attracted to you, right?
{119268}{119349}What are you on about?|No. What are you, nuts?
{119367}{119420}Right. Wrong word completely.
{119426}{119546}But that's something that|we should, you know, talk about a bit.
{119548}{119604}The crying in the morning thing, the depression.
{119607}{119662}Let's get that fixed.
{119664}{119738}That's what men think, isn't it?|What?
{119752}{119826}That unless you've got the answer,|unless you can say:
{119827}{119927}"I know a bloke in the Essex Road who|can fix that," then there's no point bothering.
{119929}{119953}No.
{119987}{120031}Well, yeah, okay. I would.
{120033}{120106}I'd love to know the name of the bloke|in the Essex Road...
{120108}{120162}...because I've got a feeling I'd be useless.
{120166}{120213}Will, you're not useless.
{120244}{120326}You're here. And that matters.
{120349}{120379}Right.
{120381}{120438}-Now, can we.... Do you mind?|-What?
{120445}{120529}-Marcus is singing at the school concert.|-Marcus is singing?
{120533}{120566}-Yeah, singing.|-At school?
{120568}{120607}It's a pop concert. He's so excited.
{120609}{120686}-I want to get there on time.|-Wait, wait. What's he singing?
{120688}{120794}"Killing me softly with his song
{120802}{120862}"Telling my whole life"
{120915}{121006}-What time does this thing start?|-What have you got against Marcus singing?
{121008}{121115}You know the dream where you're at school|without your trousers on and everyone laughs?
{121119}{121194}-What's the connection?|-That will be Marcus, but for real.
{121196}{121261}If he sings that song in front of those kids...
{121264}{121318}...you can just write him off until university.
{121320}{121397}If he reaches university,|'cause he's going to get torn to shreds.
{121399}{121462}You cannot stop someone|from expressing themselves.
{121464}{121557}He's not expressing himself!|He's expressing you, okay?
{121592}{121618}Oh, God.
{121645}{121730}What? Jesus Christ.
{121737}{121825}You're right. Will, am I a bad mother?
{121835}{121944}No, you're not a bad mother.|You're just a barking lunatic.
{121949}{121989}No, I am. I am a bad mother.
{121991}{122072}I've let things slide|and I haven't been noticing properly.
{122074}{122134}He's a special, very special boy.
{122136}{122196}And he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it!
{122198}{122267}Please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.
{122943}{122999}Okay, you park it.|What?
{124149}{124175}Hi.
{124206}{124239}What are you doing here?
{124241}{124285}That's Ali up there.
{124426}{124517}He's talented.
{125110}{125234}Now that was the Def Penalty Kru|with Murder Fo' Life.
{125251}{125324}Our next big act is Marcus Brewer...
{125326}{125407}...singing Roberta Flack's beloved|Killing Me Softly.
{125469}{125556}He'll be accompanied by Simon Cosgrove|on the recorder.
{125613}{125651}Marcus, I can't do this.
{125653}{125719}-That lot's going to shit all over us.|-But you said....
{125721}{125809}I'm sorry. Here's your 5 back.
{125865}{125903}Any moment now.
{126245}{126307}Come on, Marcus, you wally!
{126409}{126435}Wait! Wait!
{126437}{126495}Excuse me. What is going on here?
{126499}{126586}Nothing. Everything's under control.|I'm just his voice coach.
{126591}{126627}What are you doing here?
{126629}{126736}I heard you were about to commit social suicide,|so I dropped by.
{126738}{126779}-My accompanist left!|-Brilliant.
{126782}{126826}-You don't have to do it.|-I can't do that.
{126828}{126897}Yeah, you can.|Just tell them: Artistic differences.
{126899}{126961}You can't work without him.|He had a drug problem.
{126963}{127018}My mum wants me to sing it.|It'll make her happy.
{127020}{127144}Look, mate, nothing you do|can make your mum happy, all right?
{127156}{127245}Not in the long term.|She has to do that for herself.
{127247}{127334}-Get over here right now!|-Just bugger off, will you!
{127337}{127421}What I'm saying is, the important thing is|to make yourself feel happy.
{127423}{127517}I've tried just making myself happy.|She's tried making herself happy.
{127521}{127584}It doesn't work.|You need other people to make you happy.
{127587}{127618}But that's just it.
{127620}{127720}If other people can make you happy|then they can also make you unhappy.
{127722}{127809}What, you think those people out there|are going to make you happy?
{127811}{127856}Hang on. Wait. Marcus, don't.
{127858}{127913}Marcus! Bollocks.
{128334}{128375}Come on, Britney!
{128379}{128431}Yeah, give us a song, then.
{128603}{128645}This is for my mum.
{128787}{128890}"I heard he sang a good song
{128915}{129001}"I heard he had a style
{129036}{129128}"And so I came to see him
{129132}{129220}"to listen for a while
{129262}{129358}"And there he was this young boy
{129378}{129467}"a stranger to my eyes"
{129470}{129514}You're rubbish, mate!
{129649}{129765}"Strumming my pain with his fingers
{129834}{129934}"Singing my life with his words
{130261}{130348}"Killing me softly with his song
{130352}{130393}"Killing me softly"
{130398}{130455}Who the hell is that?
{130469}{130577}"Telling my whole life with his words
{130580}{130729}"Killing me softly with his song
{130832}{130913}"I felt all flushed with fever
{130915}{131003}"embarrassed by the crowd
{131007}{131138}"I felt he found my letters|and read each one out loud
{131183}{131270}"I prayed that he would finish
{131282}{131352}"but he just kept right on
{131354}{131445}"Strumming my pain with his fingers
{131448}{131520}"Singing my life with his words
{131535}{131560}"Killing me softly"
{131563}{131598}Give it a rest.
{131605}{131694}"Killing me softly with his song
{131696}{131828}"Telling my whole life with his words|Killing me softly
{131876}{131943}"With his song
{132104}{132158}"He sang as if he knew me"
{132160}{132182}Will.
{132184}{132243}"In all my dark despair"
{132245}{132270}We're finished.
{132272}{132387}"And then he looked right through me|as if I wasn't there"
{132389}{132424}Will, come on.
{132560}{132595}Will, we're finished.
{132805}{132883}So there I was,|killing them softly with my song.
{132887}{132966}Or rather, being killed.|And not that softly, either.
{132972}{133034}I was singing with my eyes closed.
{133044}{133077}Was I frightened?
{133080}{133119}I was petrified.
{133130}{133176}This was definitely not island living.
{133180}{133269}"Killing me softly
{133281}{133360}"With his song"
{133589}{133635}Thank you, Finsbury.
{133670}{133734}I'd like to introduce|one or two members of the band.
{133736}{133803}Marcus Brewer on vocals and tambourine.
{133865}{133906}And that's about it.
{133908}{133964}Let's get off quick. Get off.
{133982}{134072}Marcus, thank you. For the song.
{134084}{134110}You were terrific.
{134112}{134148}-You think so?|-Yeah.
{134183}{134244}As a matter of fact, I think we should celebrate.
{134246}{134274}Okay.
{134286}{134375}How about McDonald's?
{134383}{134431}-McDonald's?|-Yeah.
{134433}{134468}Thanks, Mum, but it's okay.
{134470}{134532}No, really. I want to go to McDonald's.
{134534}{134575}You know, I'm not really hungry.
{134577}{134671}Come on. Are you telling me|you couldn't murder a Big Mac?
{134673}{134700}Mum!
{134741}{134787}Okay, another time.
{134856}{134881}Any time.
{134944}{135009}I'll be around a while, you know.
{135214}{135311}By the following Christmas|things were back to normal.
{135340}{135371}Before you came--
{135378}{135458}Every man is an island.|And I stand by that.
{135501}{135610}But clearly, some men are part of island chains.
{135638}{135717}Below the surface of the ocean|they're actually connected.
{135720}{135785}So you're going to marry my mum, then?
{135794}{135821}Don't know.
{135823}{135850}Why?
{135861}{135895}You think she's up for it?
{135897}{135958}-I used to want him to marry my mum.|-You serious?
{135962}{136042}Yeah. But that was when she was depressed|and I was desperate.
{136044}{136089}Thanks, mate. Cheers.
{136096}{136177}How do you use this blender-thing?|You don't.
{136185}{136248}I used to think two wasn't enough.|Christ.
{136250}{136295}Now there were loads of people.
{136297}{136352}And that was great. Mostly.
{136396}{136484}Are you two lazy bastards|gonna get up and help, or what?
{136518}{136588}So how do you know Will?
{136590}{136684}We volunteered together|at Amnesty International a couple years ago.
{136686}{136767}Yeah, that's right.|How is the Burmese situation, Tom? Better?
{136769}{136803}I mean good?
{136819}{136893}Yeah, and he called me up|out of the blue for Christmas lunch.
{136895}{136932}So, here I am.
{136934}{136966}Really?
{137159}{137221}So, listen, what's the deal|with you and Ellie now?
{137223}{137305}Is she your girlfriend?
{137309}{137351}Are you insane?
{137404}{137459}Where did you get those trainers?
{137461}{137527}-Why? What's wrong with them?|-Nothing.
{137531}{137559}What?
{137576}{137643}By the way,|I do think you and Rachel have a shot.
{137646}{137720}-I mean, if you don't screw it up.|-Thank you.
{137783}{137829}I'd created a monster.
{137836}{137884}Or maybe he created me.
{137953}{138021}I don't know|what Will was so upset about.
{138038}{138126}All I meant was|I don't think couples are the future.
{138135}{138203}You need more than that. You need backup.
{138219}{138295}The way I saw it,|Will and I both had backup now.
{138349}{138428}It's like that thing he told me Jon Bon Jovi said:
{138431}{138476}"No man is an island."