[ Shutter Whirring ]
I need a father who's a roIe modeI, not some horny geek boy...
who's going to spray his shorts whenever I bring a girIfriend home from schooI.
What a Iame-o.
Someone reaIIy shouId just put him out of his misery.
[ Boy ] You want me to kiII him for you ?
Yeah. WouId you ?
[ Shutter Whirring, CIicking Off ]
[ Man Narrating ] My name is Lester Burnham.
This is my neighborhood.
This is my street.
This is my Iife.
I'm 42 years oId. In Iess than a year, I'II be dead.
[ AIarm Ringing ]
Of course, I don't know that yet.
And in a way, I'm dead aIready.
Look at me: jerking off in the shower.
This wiII be the high point of my day. It's aII downhiII from here.
That's my wife, CaroIyn.
See the way the handIe on those pruning shears matches her gardening cIogs ?
- That's not an accident. - [ Dog Barking ]
[ Man ] Hush, Bitsy !
- Hush. What is wrong with you ? - That's our next-door neighbor, Jim.
- And that's his Iover, Jim. - [ Both Arguing ]
- You spoiI her. Bitsy, no bark. Come inside now. - Me ?
- Come on. Yes. Inside. - [ CaroIyn ] Good morning, Jim !
Good morning, CaroIyn.
I Iove your tie ! That coIor !
I just Iove your roses. How do you get them to fIourish Iike this ?
WeII, I'II teII you: eggsheIIs and MiracIe-Gro.
-I've never heard that. -Man, I get exhausted just watching her.
She wasn't aIways Iike this. She used to be happy.
We used to be happy.
My daughter Jane. OnIy chiId.
- Janie's a pretty typicaI teenager: - [ Computer Beeps ]
angry, insecure, confused.
I wish I couId teII her that's aII going to pass, but I don't want to Iie to her.
[ Horn Honking ]
Jane, honey, are you trying to Iook unattractive ?
- Yes. - CongratuIations. You've succeeded admirabIy.
Lester, couId you make me a IittIe Iater, pIease, because I'm not quite Iate enough.
[ Mutters, Indistinct ]
Nice going, Dad.
[ Lester Narrating ] Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic Ioser.
And they're right.
I have Iost something.
I'm not exactIy sure what it is,
but I know I didn't aIways feeI this...
sedated.
But you know what ?
It's never too Iate to get it back.
HeIIo. This is Lester Burnham from Media MonthIy magazine.
I'm caIIing for Mr. TambIin, pIease.
WeII, we're aII under a deadIine here. You see, there's some basic information...
about your product Iaunch that isn't even covered in your press reIease, and I'd--
Yeah, c-- can I ask you a question ?
Who is TambIin ? Does he exist ? 'Cause he doesn't ever seem to come in.
Yeah. Okay. I'II Ieave my number.
It's 555-0199.
Lester Burnham. Thank you !
Hey, Les. You got a minute ?
For you, Brad, I got five !
So, yeah, I'm sure you can understand our need to cut corners around here.
Oh, sure. Times are tight.
You got to free up some cash. You got to spend money to make money.
Right ? ExactIy.
Like the time that Mr. FIournoy used the company MasterCard to pay for that hooker,
and she used the card numbers and stayed at the St. Regis for, what was it, three months ?
That's unsubstantiated gossip. That's $50,000. That's somebody's saIary.
That's somebody who's going to get fired because Craig has to pay women to fuck him !
Jesus !
I mean, caIm down. Nobody's getting fired yet.
[ Scoffs ] That's why we're having everyone...
write out a job description mapping out in detaiI how they contribute.
That way management can assess who's vaIuabIe--
And who's expendabIe.
It's just business.
I've been writing for this magazine for 14 years.
You've been here how Iong ? A whoIe month ? I'm one of the good guys, Les.
I'm trying to IeveI with you.
This is your one chance to save your job.
[ CaroIyn ] There is no decision. You just write the damn thing.
[ Lester ] You don't think it's weird and kind of fascist ? PossibIy.
But you don't want to be unempIoyed. AII right.
Let's just aII seII our souIs and work for Satan 'cause it's more convenient that way.
Oh, couId you be a IittIe bit more dramatic, pIease, huh ?
So, we finaIIy got new neighbors.
You know, if the Lomans had Iet me represent them instead of the ReaI Estate King,
that house wouId never have sat on the market for six months.
WeII, they were stiII mad at you for cutting down their sycamore.
Their sycamore ? Come on.
A substantiaI portion of the root structure was on our property.
You know that. How can you caII it their sycamore ?
I wouIdn't have the heart to just cut down something if it wasn't partiaIIy mine, which, of course, it was.
[ Stereo: InstrumentaI ]
[ Woman Singing ] BaIi Ha'i
They caII you
[ Continues, Indistinct ] Mom, do we aIways have to Iisten to this eIevator music ?
No. No, we don't.
And as soon you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meaI that I'm about to eat,
you can Iisten to whatever you Iike.
So, Janie, how was schooI ?
It was okay.
Just okay ?
No, Dad. It was spectacuIar.
WeII, you want to know how things went in my job today ?
They've hired this efficiency expert,
this reaIIy friendIy guy named Brad--
How perfect is that ? And he's basicaIIy there to make it seem they're justified...
in firing somebody, because they couIdn't just come out and say that, couId they ?
No, no. That wouId just be too honest. So they've asked us--
[ ChuckIing ] You couIdn't possibIy care Iess, couId you ?
What do you expect ?
You can't aII of a sudden be my best friend just because you had a bad day.
I mean, heIIo, you've bareIy even spoken to me for months.
Oh, what ? You're ''Mother of the Year'' ?
[ Muttering ] You treat her Iike an empIoyee. What ?
[ Shouts ] What ?
I'm going to get some ice cream.
Janie...
I'm sorry I haven't been more avaiIabIe.
I'm just-- I--
You know, you don't aIways have to wait for me to come to you.
Oh, great. So now it's my fauIt ?
I didn't say that. It's nobody's fauIt. It--
Janie, what happened ? We used to be paIs.
[ InaudibIe ]
[ Water Running ]
[ Humming ]
[ Stops Humming ]
[ Grunts ]
[ ExhaIes ForcefuIIy ]
I wiII seII this house today.
[ Coughing ]
I wiII seII this house today.
WeIcome. I'm CaroIyn Burnham.
This Iiving room is very dramatic.
Wait tiII you see the native stone firepIace !
A simpIe cream couId reaIIy Iighten things up. You couId even put in a skyIight.
WeII, why don't we go into the kitchen ?
It's a dream come true for any cook.
Just fiIIed with positive energy, huh ?
And you'II be surprised how much a ceiIing fan can cut down on your energy costs.
You know, you couId have some fun backyard get-togethers out here.
The ad said this pooI was Iagoon-Iike. There's nothing Iagoon-Iike about it.
Except for maybe the bugs. There aren't even any pIants out here.
What do you caII this ? Is this not a pIant ?
If you have a probIem with the pIants, I can aIways caII my Iandscape architect.
SoIved. I mean, I think ''Iagoon,'' I think waterfaII, tropicaI.
This is a cement hoIe.
Uh...
I have some tiki torches in the garage.
[ Crying ]
Shut up ! Stop it ! You weak-- You baby !
Shut up ! Shut up ! Shut up !
[ Gasping ]
[ Crowd Cheering ] [ Drums Beating RhythmicaIIy ]
[ PIayers Shouting To Each Other ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
Who are you Iooking for ?
My parents are coming tonight.
They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me.
Gross. I hate it when my mom does that.
They're such asshoIes. Why can't they just have their own Iives ?
[ GirIs Screeching ]
[ Lester ] What makes you sure she wants us to be there ? Did she ask us to come ?
Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her.
But she's been practicing for weeks.
I'II bet she's going to resent it, and I'm missing the James Bond marathon on T.N.T.
Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a reaI distance growing between you and Jane.
''Growing'' ? She hates me.
- She's just wiIIfuI. - She hates you too.
[ AII Shouting ]
[ GirIs Cheering ]
- Excuse me. Sorry. I'm sorry. - Pardon me.
- [ Buzzer Sounding ] - Hi ! Patty !
[ Announcer Over P.A. ] Now, for your haIftime entertainment,
RockweII High's award-winning Dancing Spartanettes !
We can Ieave right after this, right ?
[ Band PIaying ''On Broadway'' ]
[ Audience CIapping In Tune ]
[ Ambient Noise Fades ]
[ ''On Broadway'' Finishes ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
Shit. They're stiII here.
Janie !
Hey, I reaIIy enjoyed that.
-CongratuIations, honey. You were great. -I didn't win anything.
- Hi. I'm Lester, Janie's dad. - Oh, hi.
This is my friend, AngeIa Hayes.
Okay. Good to meet you.
You were aIso good tonight, very... precise.
- Thanks. - Nice to meet you, AngeIa.
Honey-- [ Grunts ] I am so proud of you.
You know, I watched you very cIoseIy. You didn't screw up once.
Okay, uh, we have to go.
- So what are you girIs doing now ? - Dad.
- We're going out for pizza. - ReaIIy ? Do you need a ride ? We can give you a ride.
- I have a car. You want to come with us ? - Thanks, but I have a car.
You have a car. That's great. That's great.
Janie's thinking about getting a car, too, soon, aren't you ?
Dad, Mom's waiting for you.
WeII, it was very nice meeting you, AngeIa.
Any friend of Janie's...
is a... friend of mine. [ ExhaIes ]
WeII... I'II be seeing you around, then.
CouId he be any more... pathetic ?
I think he's sweet.
And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a Iong time.
[ Lester Narrating ] It's the weirdest thing.
I feeI Iike I've been in a coma for about 20 years...
and I'm just now waking up.
Spec-tacuIar.
[ Radio: Rock ]
I'm so sorry my dad was weird tonight.
That's okay.
I'm used to guys drooIing over me.
It started when I was about 12.
I'd go to dinner with my parents.
Every Thursday night: Red Lobster. [ ChuckIes ]
Every guy there wouId stare at me when I waIked in.
And I knew what they were thinking,
just Iike I knew guys at schooI thought about me when they jerked off.
Vomit. No. I Iiked it.
I stiII Iike it. If peopIe I don't even know Iook at me and want to fuck me,
it means I reaIIy have a shot at being a modeI.
Which is great,
because there's nothing worse in Iife than being ordinary.
I reaIIy think it'II happen for you.
I know.
Because everything that was meant to happen, does... eventuaIIy.
AsshoIe.
[ Shower Running ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ AngeIa ] HeIIo ? HeIIo ?
[ CIanking ] [ Phone Beeps Off ]
[ Phone Rings ]
HeIIo ? Why'd you caII me ?
I didn't.
WeII, my phone just rang and I answered it, and somebody hung up.
And I star-69ed, and I caIIed you back. WeII, I was in the shower.
Oh, gross !
[ Woman ] Ricky ! Breakfast !
Be right there.
Mom. HeIIo.
I don't eat bacon, remember ?
I'm sorry. I must've forgotten.
What's new in the worId, Dad ?
This country is going straight to heII.
[ DoorbeII Ringing ]
Are you expecting anyone ? No.
Hi. WeIcome to the neighborhood.
It's just a IittIe something from our garden. Except for the pasta.
We got that at FaIIaci's. Right. It's unbeIievabIy fresh.
You just-- You drop it in the water, and it's done.
Jim OImeyer. Two doors down. WeIcome to the neighborhood.
CoIoneI Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine Corps.
It's nice to meet you. This is my partner-- Jim BerkIey, but caII me J.B.
Let's cut to chase, okay ? What are you guys seIIing ?
[ ChuckIes ] We-- Nothing. We just wanted to say hi to our new neighbors.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you're partners, so what's your business ?
WeII... he is a tax attorney.
And he's an anesthesioIogist.
[ Frank Humming ]
How come these faggots aIways have to rub it in your face ?
How can they be so shameIess ?
[ Resumes Humming ] That's the whoIe thing, Dad.
They don't feeI that's anything to be ashamed of.
WeII, it is.
Yeah, you're right. Don't pIacate me Iike I'm your mother, boy.
Forgive me, sir, for speaking so bIuntIy,
but those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out.
WeII, me too, son. Yeah. Me too.
[ Frank Resumes Humming ]
[ AngeIa ] I'm serious. He just puIIed down his pants and yanked it out.
You know, Iike, ''Say heIIo to Mr. Happy.'' Gross !
- It wasn't gross. It was kind of cooI. - So did you do it with him ?
Of course. He's a reaIIy weII-known photographer.
He shoots for EIIe on, Iike, a reguIar basis.
- It wouId've been majorIy stupid of me to turn him down. - You are a totaI prostitute.
Hey, that's how things reaIIy are.
You just don't know because you're this pampered IittIe suburban chick.
So are you. You've onIy been in Seventeen once, and you Iooked fat.
So stop acting Iike you're goddamn Christy TurIington !
Cunt !
I am so sick of peopIe taking their insecurities out on me.
- Oh, my God. That's the pervert who fiImed me Iast night. - Him ?
Jane. No way. He's a totaI Iunatic.
- Do you know him ? - Yeah.
We were on the same Iunch shift when I was in ninth grade,
and he wouId aIways save the most random, weird things.
And then one day, he was just, Iike, gone.
And then Connie CarduIIo toId me that his parents had to put him in a mentaI institution.
Why ? What did he do ?
What do you mean ?
WeII, they can't put you away just for saying weird things.
You totaI sIut. You've got a crush on him.
- What ? PIease ! - You are defending him. You Iove him.
- You want to have, Iike, 10,000 of his babies. - Shut up.
Hi. My name's Ricky. I just moved next door to you.
I know.
I kind of remember this creepy incident where you were fiIming me Iast night ?
- I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting. - Thanks.
But I reaIIy don't need to have some psycho obsessing about me right now.
I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious.
What a freak.
And why does he dress Iike a BibIe saIesman ?
He's, Iike, so confident.
That can't be reaI.
I don't beIieve him.
I mean, he didn't even, Iike, Iook at me once.
@@ [ BugIe: ''ReveiIIe'' ]
- How'd you get in the Army ? - Sergeant, I got three reasons for being in the Army.
First, I'm patriotic. Second, I Iove my country. And third, they naiIed me.
[ Laughs ]
[ TV Chatter Continues ]
[ Lock RattIing ]
[ Door CIoses ]
Hey.
- What's going on here ? - Bend aII the way down. Here comes the BuII of the Woods.
I'm sorry. What ?
Mom, nobody said anything.
Oh. I'm sorry.
@@ [ Latin Beat ]
Everyone here is with their spouse or significant other.
- How wouId it Iook if I showed up with no one ? - You aIways end up ignoring me.
Now, Iisten to me. This is an important business function.
As you know, my business is seIIing an image,
and part of my job is to Iive that image.
Honey, do me a favor and say whatever you want to say and spare me the propaganda.
AII right. Hi, ShirIey !
Listen. Just do me a favor. Act happy tonight.
- [ High Voice ] I am happy, honey ! - You're not-- Oh, that's Buddy !
- Buddy ! Buddy ! Hi ! - Hi.
Good to see you again.
-It's so good to see you too, Catherine. -CaroIyn.
Oh, CaroIyn ! Of course. How are you ?
- Very weII, thank you. HeIIo, Christy. - HeIIo.
- My husband, Lester. - It's a pIeasure.
Oh, we've met before, actuaIIy. This thing Iast year. Christmas at the Sheraton.
Oh, yeah !
Oh, it's okay. I wouIdn't remember me either.
Honey, don't be weird.
- AII right, honey. I won't be weird. - Okay.
I'II be whatever you want me to be.
WeII, oka--
- We have a very heaIthy reIationship. - I see.
[ Sighs ]
WeII, I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink.
Ohh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put a IittIe more in there, cowboy.
[ CaroIyn, Buddy Shrieking With Laughter ]
[ Groaning ]
Excuse me. Don't you Iive on Robin Hood TraiI ? The house with the red door ?
- Yeah. - I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved in the house next to you.
Oh. Hi, Ricky Fitts. I'm Lester Burnham.
Hi, Lester Burnham.
- Do you party ? - Excuse me ?
Do you get high ?
You know, I probabIy wouIdn't even teII you this if I weren't a IittIe tipsy, but...
I'm in compIete awe of you.
I mean, your firm...
is hands-down the RoIIs-Royce of IocaI reaI estate firms,
and your personaI saIes record is--
[ CIicks Tongue, Sighs ] It's very intimidating.
You know, I'd Iove to sit down with you and just pick your brain,
- [ ChuckIes ] - if you'd ever be wiIIing.
You know, I suppose technicaIIy I'm the competition,
but I mean, hey, I don't fIatter myseIf...
that I'm even in the same Ieague as you.
I don't.
I'd Iove to.
- ReaIIy ? - AbsoIuteIy.
CaII my secretary. Have her scheduIe a Iunch.
I'II do that. Thank you.
[ Lester ] Did you ever see that movie where the body is waIking around...
carrying its own head, and then the head goes down on that babe ?
- [ Both Laughing ] - [ Ricky ] Re-Animator.
[ Both Continue Laughing ]
- [ Both Stop Laughing ] - Look.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is you're doing out here.
Fine. So don't pay me.
Excuse me ?
I quit, so you don't have to pay me. Now Ieave me aIone.
AsshoIe.
I think you just became my personaI hero.
Doesn't that make you nervous, just quitting your job Iike that ?
WeII, I guess when you're aII of, what, 16--
Eighteen. I just do these gigs as a cover.
I have other sources of income.
But my dad interferes Iess in my Iife when I pretend...
to be an upstanding young citizen with a respectabIe job.
[ CaroIyn ] Lester ?
- What are you doing ? - Honey, this is... Ricky Fitts.
[ Wheezing Laugh ] This is Ricky Fitts.
[ Continues Laughing HystericaIIy ]
I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved into the house next to you.
I go to schooI with your daughter.
- With Jane ? - Yeah.
- ReaIIy ? - Jane.
Hi. I'm ready to go. I'II meet you out front.
- [ Whimpering Laugh ] Oh, I'm in troubIe. - [ ChuckIes ]
Nice meeting you, Ricky. Thanks for the thing.
Anytime. Lester ?
If you want any more, you know where I Iive.
[ Laughs ]
- @@ [ On TV ] - [ Door CIoses ]
Oh, shit. They're home. Quick. Let's go up to my room.
I shouId say hi to your dad.
I don't want to be rude.
Nice suit.
You're Iooking good, Mr. Burnham.
Last time I saw you, you Iooked kind of wound up.
Ooh, is that root beer ?
I Iove root beer, don't you ?
- Hey. - Hi, Mom.
- Hi. - Remember AngeIa ?
Yes, of course.
I forgot to teII you. She's going to spend the night. Is that okay ?
[ Coughing, Choking ]
- [ Jane ] Sorry about my dad. - [ AngeIa ] Don't be. I think it's funny.
Yeah, to you he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones.
But to me, he's just... too embarrassing to Iive.
WeII, your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony.
- But your dad's actuaIIy kind of cute. - Shut up.
[ AngeIa ] He is. If he just worked out a IittIe, he'd be hot.
- Shut up ! - Come on.
Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in his underwear ? I bet he's got a big dick.
[ Jane Laughing ] You are so grossing me out right now.
[ AngeIa ] If he buiIt up his chest and arms, I wouId totaIIy fuck him.
- @ La, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia @ - I wouId. I wouId suck your dad's big fat dick,
and then I'd fuck him untiI his eyes roIIed back in his head.
- [ RattIing ] - Jane, shh. What was that noise ?
- I swear I heard something. - Yeah.
That was the sound of you being a huge, disgusting pig.
- No, I'm serious. - [ RattIing ]
See ?
- Oh, my God. Jane. - What is it ?
It's that psycho next door.
Jane, what if he worships you ?
What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead peopIe's heads and stuff ?
Shit. I bet he's fiIming us right now.
ReaIIy ?
[ CIattering ]
WeIcome to America's Weirdest Home Videos.
- [ Knocking ] - [ Frank ] Ricky ?
Coming, Dad.
You know I don't Iike Iocked doors in my house, boy.
- I'm sorry. I must've Iocked it by accident. - Mm.
[ Ricky ] So what's up ?
I-- I need a urine sampIe.
Wow.
It's been six months aIready.
Can I give it to you in the morning ? I just took a whiz.
Yeah. I suppose.
Y-You know--
WeII, good night, son.
[ Water Dripping ]
I've been waiting for you.
You've been working out, haven't you ?
I can teII.
I was hoping you couId give me a bath.
I'm very, very dirty.
What are you doing ?
Nothing.
- You were masturbating. - [ Whispers ] I was not.
Yes, you were.
Oh, aII right. So shoot me. I was whacking off.
That's right. I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot.
You know, saying ''hi'' to my monster.
That's disgusting.
WeII, excuse me, but some of us stiII have bIood pumping through our veins.
- So do I. - ReaIIy ?
WeII, I'm the onIy one who seems to be doing anything about it.
[ Grunts ] Lester, I refuse to Iive Iike this !
This is not a marriage.
This hasn't been a marriage for years,
but you were happy as Iong as I kept my mouth shut.
WeII, guess what. I've changed.
And the new me whacks off when he feeIs horny...
'cause you're obviousIy not going to heIp me out in that department.
I see. You think you're the onIy one who's sexuaIIy frustrated.
I'm not ? WeII, then, come on, baby. I'm ready.
Don't you mess with me, mister.
I wiII divorce you so fast, it'II make your head spin.
On what grounds ?
I'm not a drunk. I don't fuck other women.
I don't mistreat you. I've never hit you.
I don't even try to touch you, since you made it so abundantIy cIear...
just how unnecessary you consider me to be !
But... I did support you when you got your Iicense.
And some peopIe might think that entitIes me to haIf of what's yours.
Oh !
So, turn out the Iight when you come back to bed, okay ?
[ Lester Narrating ] It's a great thing when you reaIize you stiII have...
the abiIity to surprise yourseIf.
Makes you wonder what eIse you can do that you've forgotten about.
Hey, guys.
Lester. I didn't know you ran.
- I just started. - Good for you.
I figured you guys might be abIe to give me some pointers. I need to shape up, fast.
Are you Iooking to just Iose weight, or do you want to have...
increased strength and fIexibiIity as weII ?
I-- I want to Iook good naked.
[ Squeaking ]
Oh, what is this ? Fuckin' gay pride parade ?
Hey ! Yo, Ricky.
[ Panting ]
My entire Iife is passing before my eyes, and those two have bareIy broken a sweat.
Sorry. Hi. Lester Burnham. I Iive next door. We haven't met.
CoIoneI Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine Corps.
Oh, whoa. WeII.
WeIcome to the neighborhood, sir.
Ricky, uh--
I was thinking about the, uh-- I was gonna-- The movie we taIked about.
- Re-Animator. - Yeah !
You want to borrow it ? Okay. It's up in my room. Come on.
- Can you hoId this for a sec ? - Sure.
I don't think my dad wouId try to come in whiIe someone eIse is here, but you never know.
- What is this ? - Urine.
I have to take a drug test every six months just to make sure I'm cIean.
Are you kidding ? You just smoked with me Iast night.
It's not mine.
One of my cIients is a nurse in a pediatrician's office.
Cut her a deaI, she keeps me in cIean piss.
You Iike Pink FIoyd ?
I Iike a Iot of music.
Man, I haven't Iistened to this aIbum in years.
How much do you want ?
I don't know. It's been a whiIe. Um, how much is an ounce ?
This is totaIIy decent, and it's 300.
Wow !
This shit is top of the Iine.
It's caIIed G-13. It's geneticaIIy engineered by the U.S. government.
It's extremeIy potent, but a compIeteIy meIIow high. No paranoia.
Is that what we smoked Iast night ?
This is aII I ever smoke.
- How much ? - Two grand.
Jesus !
Things have changed since 1973.
- You don't have to pay now. I know you're good for it. - Thanks.
There's a card in there with my beeper number.
Beep me anytime, day or night.
And I onIy accept cash.
Now I know how you can afford aII this equipment.
God. When I was your age, I fIipped burgers aII summer just to buy an eight-track.
- That sucks. - No, actuaIIy it was great.
AII I did was party and get Iaid.
I had my whoIe Iife ahead of me.
My dad thinks I pay for aII this with catering jobs.
Never underestimate the power of deniaI.
@@ [ Humming ]
- @@ [ Music PIaying, Faint ] - [ Sniffing ]
@ There must be some way out of here @
@ Said the joker to the thief @
@ There's too much confusion @
- @ I can't get no reIief @ - What the heII do you think you're doing ?
- Uh-oh. Mom's mad. - @@ [ Continues ]
Bench presses.
I'm going to whaIe on my pecks, and then I'm going to do my back.
I see you're smoking pot now. I-- I'm so gIad.
I think using iIIegaI psychotropic substances...
is a very positive exampIe to set for our daughter.
You're one to taIk, you bIoodIess, money-grubbing freak.
Uh-- Lester !
You have such hostiIity in you.
Do you mind ? I'm trying to work out here. UnIess... you want to spot me.
Lester, you wiII not get away with this.
- You can be sure of that. - @ There are many here among us @
- That's... what... - @ Who feeI that Iife is but a joke @@
you... think.
''My job consists of basicaIIy masking...
''my contempt for the asshoIes in charge...
''and at Ieast once a day retiring to the men's room...
''so I can jerk off...
''whiIe I fantasize about a Iife...
that doesn't so cIoseIy resembIe heII.''
WeII, you obviousIy have no interest in saving yourseIf.
Brad, for 14 years, I've been a whore for the advertising industry.
The onIy way I couId save myseIf now is if I start firebombing.
Whatever. Management wants you gone by the end of the day.
Just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me,
considering the information I have about our editoriaI director...
buying pussy with company money ?
Which I think wouId interest the I.R.S.,
since it technicaIIy constitutes fraud.
And I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rivaI pubIications...
might Iike to know about it as weII, not to mention... Craig's wife.
- What do you want ? - One year's saIary with benefits.
That's not going to happen.
What do you say I throw in a IittIe sexuaI harassment charge to boot ?
[ Laughing ] Against who ?
[ Laughs ] Against you.
Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job...
if I Iet you bIow me ?
Man... you are one twisted fuck.
Nope. I'm just an ordinary guy...
with nothing to Iose.
Yeah.
- CaroIyn. - Buddy.
-I am so sorry to have kept you waiting. -Oh. [ ChuckIes ]
Christy Ieft for New York this morning.
Let's just say things were a IittIe... hectic around the house.
- What's she doing in New York ? - She's moving there.
Yes, we are spIitting up.
Buddy. I'm so sorry.
Yes. According to her, I'm...
too focused on my career.
- [ Scoffs ] - As if being driven to succeed is...
some sort of a character fIaw. [ ChuckIing ]
WeII, she certainIy did take advantage of the IifestyIe my success afforded her.
Ooh ! Ha. Wow. [ ChuckIes ]
- Ah, it's for the best. - Mm-hmm.
When I saw you two at the party the other night, you seemed perfectIy happy.
WeII, caII me crazy,
but it is my phiIosophy that in order to be successfuI,
one must project an image of success...
at aII times.
What are you doing ?
- I was fiIming this dead bird. - Why ?
Because it's beautifuI.
I think maybe you forgot your medication today, mentaI boy.
[ Ricky ] Hi, Jane.
I want you to stop fiIming me.
Okay.
WeII, whatever. This is boring.
Let's go.
- Do you need a ride ? - Are you crazy ?
I don't want to end up hacked to pieces in a Dumpster somewhere.
It's okay. I'II waIk. But thanks.
He doesn't want to go anyway. Let's go.
- Come on, Jane. - I think I'm going to waIk too.
What ?
Jane, that's, Iike, aImost a miIe.
[ Screaming, Grunting ]
[ Laughing, Grunting ] Oh, God !
- [ Grunting ] - I Iove it ! Oh ! Oh !
- You Iike getting naiIed by the King ? - Oh, yes, I Iove it !
- Fuck me, Your Majesty ! Aah ! - Ohh !
- Who's the King ? - Oh ! You are !
[ Both Grunting LoudIy ]
@@ [ Car Stereo: ''American Woman'' ]
@@ [ Humming Opening MeIody In High Voice ]
[ Singing AIong ] @ American woman @
@ Stay away from me @
@ American woman @
@ Mama, Iet me be @
@ Don't come knockin' around my door @
@ I don't wanna see your face no more @
@ I got better things to do @
@ Than spend my Iife growin' oId with you @
@ Now, woman @
@ Said stay away @
[ Woman Over Speaker ] SmiIe. You're at Mr. SmiIey's.
- @@ [ VoIume Decreases ] - What ?
WouId you Iike to try our new bacon and egg fajita for $1.29 for a Iimited time onIy ?
Uh, no, but thank you.
I'd Iike the Big Barn Burger, SmiIey Fries and an orange soda.
PIease drive up to the window. Thank you.
SmiIe. You're at Mr. SmiIey's. That'II be 4.98, pIease.
@ Mama, Iet me be @@
- WouId you Iike some SmiIey sauce ? - No, no--
ActuaIIy, I'd Iike to fiII out an appIication.
- There's no jobs for manager. It's just for counter. - Good.
I'm Iooking for the Ieast possibIe amount of responsibiIity.
I don't think you'd fit in here.
I have fast food experience.
[ Laughs ] Yeah, Iike 20 years ago.
I'm sure there've been amazing technoIogicaI advances in the industry,
but sureIy you must have some sort of training program.
It seems unfair to presume I won't be abIe to Iearn.
- That was exactIy what I needed-- - Mm.
the ''royaI treatment,'' so to speak.
[ ChuckIing ]
I was so stressed out. Ah !
- Ah ! Ah. - Mm.
[ Both Laughing ]
Know what I do when I feeI Iike that ?
What ?
- I fire a gun. - ReaIIy ?
Oh, yeah. I go to this IittIe firing range downtown,
and I... just pop off a few rounds.
- I've never fired a gun before. - WeII, you've gotta try it.
Nothing makes you feeI more powerfuI.
WeII...
aImost nothing.
- So, do you Iike your new house ? - I Iike it.
The peopIe who used to Iive there fed these stray cats, so they were aIways around,
and it drove my mother nuts.
And then she cut down their tree.
Is that a funeraI ?
Yeah. Have you ever known anybody who died ?
No. Have you ?
No.
But I did see this homeIess woman who froze to death once...
just Iaying there on the sidewaIk.
She Iooked reaIIy sad.
I got that homeIess woman on videotape.
Why wouId you fiIm that ?
- Because it was amazing. - What's amazing about it ?
When you see something Iike that, it's Iike God is Iooking right at you,
just for a second,
and if you're carefuI, you can Iook right back.
And what do you see ?
Beauty.
[ CIock Ticking ]
Mom, I want you to meet somebody.
- Mom. - Yes ?
I want you to meet somebody. This is Jane.
- Hi. - Oh, my.
I apoIogize for the way things Iook around here.
[ Door Opens, CIoses ]
[ Ricky ] This is where my dad hides out.
[ Jane ] I take it he's got a thing for guns.
You gotta see this one thing.
My dad wouId kiII me if he knew I was in here.
Did you steaI his keys ?
No. One of my cIients is a Iocksmith.
He was short on cash one night, so I Iet him pay me in trade.
Turn it over.
Oh, my God.
It's, Iike, officiaI state china of the Third Reich.
There's a whoIe subcuIture of peopIe who coIIect this Nazi shit.
But my dad just has this one thing.
- What's wrong ? - Nothing.
No, you're scared of me.
No, I'm not.
You want to see the most beautifuI thing I've ever fiImed ?
It was one of those days...
where it's a minute away from snowing,
and there was this eIectricity in the air.
You can aImost hear it.
Right ?
And this bag was just...
dancing with me,
Iike a IittIe kid begging me to pIay with it,
for 15 minutes.
That's the day I reaIized that there was this...
entire Iife behind things...
and this incredibIy benevoIent force...
that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid...
ever.
Video's a poor excuse, I know,
but it heIps me remember.
I need to remember.
Sometimes there's so much...
beauty...
in the worId.
I feeI Iike I can't take it...
and my heart...
is just going to...
cave in.
Oh, my God. What time is it ?
@@ [ Lounge ]
- Sorry I'm Iate. - No, that's quite aII right, dear.
Your father and I were just discussing his day at work.
Why don't you teII our daughter about it, honey ?
- Janie, today I quit my job. - [ Laughing ]
Then I toId my boss to go fuck himseIf, and then I bIackmaiIed him for aImost $60,000.
- Pass the asparagus. - Your father seems to think...
this kind of behavior is something to be proud of.
And your mother seems to prefer that I go through Iife Iike a fucking prisoner...
whiIe she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink.
How dare you speak to me that way in front of her ?
And I marveI that you can be so contemptuous of me...
on the same day that you Iose your job !
I didn't Iose it. It's not Iike, ''Whoops, where did my job go ?''
I quit ! Pass the asparagus.
Oh, oh, oh ! And I want to thank you for putting me under the added pressure...
of being the soIe breadwinner now.
- I aIready have a job. - No, no !
Don't give a second thought as to who's going to pay the mortgage.
We'II Ieave it up to CaroIyn. ''You're going to take care of everything now, CaroIyn ?''
''Yes. I don't mind.''
''Everything ? You don't mind having the soIe responsibiIity ?
Your husband feeIs he can just quit his job, and you don't--''
WiII someone pIease pass me the fucking asparagus ?
- I'm not going to be a part of this. - Sit down !
@ And I'm irresponsibIy mad @
@ For you @
@ Go on and caII me @
@ UnpredictabIe @
@ TeII me that I'm impracticaI @
@ Rainbows I'm incIined to pursue @
I am sick and tired of being treated Iike I don't exist.
You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, and I don't compIain.
- AII I want-- - Oh, you don't compIain ? Oh, pIease ! Excuse me !
I must be psychotic then ! If you don't compIain, what is this ?
Yeah, Iet's bring in the Iaugh meter and see how Ioud it gets on that one.
@ Mad for you @@
Don't interrupt me, honey.
@@ [ Lush InstrumentaI ]
And another thing.
From now on, we're going to aIternate our dinner music,
because, frankIy-- and I don't think I'm aIone here--
I am reaIIy tired of this Lawrence WeIk shit.
@ A bright, shiny worId @
[ Knock At Door ]
- Go away. - [ CaroIyn ] PIease.
PIease Iet me in.
Look, I wish that you hadn't witnessed that awfuI scene tonight,
but in a way, I'm gIad.
Why ? So I couId see what freaks you and Dad reaIIy are ?
Me ?
Tsk. God.
- Oh, Christ. Mom. - [ Sobbing ]
No, I'm gIad because, uh--
because you're oId enough now to Iearn the most important Iesson in Iife:
You cannot count on anyone except yourseIf.
[ Sighs ]
You cannot count on anyone except yourseIf.
You know, it's sad but true,
and the sooner you Iearn it, the better.
Look, Mom, I reaIIy don't feeI Iike having a Kodak moment here.
- [ Gasps ] - You ungratefuI IittIe brat !
Just Iook at everything you have !
When I was your age, I Iived in a dupIex !
We didn't even have our own house.
- [ Door SIams Open ] - You IittIe bastard !
Dad, no, I just--
How did you get in there ?
How ? How ?
Come on ! Get up ! Come on !
Get up !
Fight back, you IittIe pussy !
- No, sir, I won't fight you. - How ?
- How did you get in there ? - I picked the Iock, sir.
What were you Iooking for, huh ? Money ? Are you on dope again ?
No, sir. I wanted to show my girIfriend your Nazi pIate.
A girIfriend ?
Yes, sir. She Iives next door. [ Panting ]
Her name's Jane. [ Coughing ]
[ Panting ]
This is for your own good, boy.
You have no respect for other peopIe's things and for authority--
Yes, sir. I'm sorry.
Can't just go around doing whatever you feeI Iike.
You can't. There are ruIes in Iife.
Yes, sir.
You need structure, yeah. You need--
- [ Together ] DiscipIine. - Yes, sir. Thank you for trying to teach me.
Don't give up on me, Dad.
Oh, Ricky.
You stay out of there.
[ Grunts ]
[ Gasps, Groans ]
[ Whimpers ]
[ SheIIs CIanking Onto FIoor ]
- Whoo ! - I gotta say, Mrs. Burnham,
when you first came here, I thought you wouId be hopeIess, but you're a naturaI.
WeII, aII I know is I Iove shooting this gun.
[ Singing AIong With Radio ] @ Don't teII me not to fIy I've simpIy got to @
@ If someone takes a spiII it's me and not you @
@ Don't bring around the cIoud to rain on my parade @
@ I'm gonna march my band out @
@ I'II beat my drum @
@ And if I'm found out @
@ Your turn at bat, sir @
- @ Hey @ - @ At Ieast I didn't fake it @
@ Hat, sir, so what I didn't make it @
@ Nobody @
@ I said nobody @
@ Nobody @
@ Had better rain @
@ On my @
@ Parade @
@ Yeah @@
[ Stomps ]
[ YeIIs ]
[ Sighs ]
[ FingernaiIs Tapping ]
What ?
Uh, whose car is that out front ?
Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird,
the car I've aIways wanted, and now I have it.
- I ruIe ! - Uh-huh. Where's the Camry ?
I traded it in.
-ShouIdn't you have consuIted me first ? -Hm, Iet me think.
No. You never drove it.
Have you done something different ? You Iook great.
[ Sighs ]
Where's Jane ?
Jane not home.
We have...
the whoIe house...
to ourseIves.
Christ, CaroIyn.
When did you become so...
joyIess ?
JoyIess ?
I am not joyIess.
There happens to be a Iot about me...
that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man.
There's pIenty of joy in my Iife.
Whatever happened to that girI...
who used to fake seizures at frat parties when she got bored ?
Who used to run up to the roof of our first apartment buiIding...
to fIash the traffic heIicopters ?
- [ ChuckIes ] - Have you totaIIy forgotten about her ?
Because I haven't.
[ Sighs ]
Lester, you're going to spiII beer on the couch.
So what ? It's just a couch.
This is a $4,000 sofa,
uphoIstered in ItaIian siIk.
This is not just a couch.
It's just... a... couch !
This isn't Iife !
This is just stuff,
and it's become more important to you than Iiving.
WeII, honey, that's just nuts.
I'm onIy trying to heIp you !
[ Sighs ] Don't.
[ Ricky ] Why ?
It's weird watching myseIf.
I don't Iike how I Iook.
I can't beIieve you don't know how beautifuI you are.
Look. I'm not going to sit here for that shit.
Ha ! How does it feeI now ?
Fine.
You don't feeI naked ?
I am naked.
You know what I mean.
So teII me about being in the hospitaI.
When I was 15, my dad caught me smoking dope.
He totaIIy freaked and decided to send me to miIitary schooI.
I toId you this whoIe thing about structure and discipIine, right ?
Of course, I got kicked out.
Dad and I had this huge fight.
He hit me.
And the next day at schooI, some kid made a crack about my haircut,
and I just snapped.
I wanted to kiII him.
I wouId've... kiIIed him...
if they hadn't puIIed me off.
That's when my dad put me in the hospitaI.
They drugged me up and Ieft me in there for two years.
Wow.
- You must reaIIy hate him. - [ Lighter CIicking ]
[ Whispers ] No.
He's not a bad man.
WeII, you'd better beIieve I'd hate my dad if he did something Iike that to me.
Wait.
I aIready do hate my dad.
Why ?
He's a totaI asshoIe; he's got this crush on my friend AngeIa,
and it's disgusting.
- You'd rather he had the crush on you. - [ ChuckIes ]
- Gross. No. - [ ChuckIing ]
But it'd be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is.
I know you think my dad's harmIess, but you're wrong.
He's doing massive psychoIogicaI damage to me.
How ?
WeII, now I, too, need structure,
a IittIe fucking discipIine.
I'm serious, though.
How couId he not be damaging me ?
I need a father who's a roIe modeI,
not some horny geek boy who's going to spray his shorts...
whenever I bring a girIfriend home from schooI.
What a Iame-o.
Someone reaIIy shouId just... put him out of his misery.
Want me to kiII him for you ?
Yeah. WouId you ?
It'II cost you.
I've been baby-sitting since I was about ten.
I've got aImost $3,000.
Of course I was saving it up for a boob job.
But--
[ Laughing ]
[ Both Laughing ]
You know, that's not a very nice thing to do--
hiring someone to kiII your dad.
WeII, I guess I'm not a very nice girI then, am I ?
You know I'm not serious, right ?
Of course.
You know how Iucky we are to have found each other ?
[ Lester Narrating ] Remember those posters that said...
''Today is the first day of the rest of your Iife'' ?
WeII, that's true with every day except one--
the day you die.
@ I've Iooked under chairs @
@ I've Iooked under tabIes @
@ I've tried to find the key to 50 miIIion fabIes @
@ They caII me the Seeker @
@ I've been searching Iow and high @
- @@ [ WhistIing MeIody ] - @ I won't get to get what I'm after @
@ TiII the day I die @
@@ [ WhistIing Continues ]
@ I asked Bobby DyIan I asked the BeatIes @@
Jane, hurry up.
I've got a very important appointment.
- Is it okay if AngeIa sIeeps over tonight ? - She's aIways weIcome.
I thought you two had a fight. I haven't seen her around here in a whiIe.
[ Door Opens, CIoses ]
What ?
I've been too embarrassed to bring her over,
because of you and that way that you behave.
- What are you taIking about ? I've bareIy even spoken to her. - Dad !
You stare at her aII the time Iike you're drunk !
- It's disgusting ! - You better watch yourseIf,
or you're going to turn into a reaI bitch just Iike your mother !
[ Whispers ] Oh, fuck.
You ready to go ?
Oh, I-I don't need a ride.
I'm going with Jane and her mom.
[ CaroIyn ] Oh, morning !
[ Lester ] Yo, Ricky !
- How's it going ? - Pretty decent, Mr. Burnham.
[ Whispers ] Hey. Wait.
[ Man ] I need that Super SmiIey with cheese ASAP !
- You need more than that, my IittIe hombre. - May I take your order ?
- [ CaroIyn Over Speaker ] Oh, yeah ! What's good here ? - [ Buddy ] Nothing.
Oh, weII, then I guess we'II just have to be bad, won't we ?
[ Laughs ] I'II have a DoubIe SmiIey sandwich,
- curIy fries and a vaniIIa shake. - [ Buddy ] Make that two.
[ Woman ] That'II be 7.98. PIease drive up to the window. Thank you.
I think we deserve a IittIe junk food after the workout we had this morning.
[ Both Laughing ]
- Did you know that ? - Thank you. I'm fIattered.
SmiIe ! You're at Mr. SmiIey's !
WouId you Iike to try our new beef and cheese pot pie on a stick ?
Just $1.99 for a Iimited time onIy.
- We were just at a seminar. Buddy, this is my-- - Her husband.
We've met before, but something teIIs me...
you're going to remember me this time.
[ Woman ] Whoa !
You are so busted.
This reaIIy doesn't concern you.
WeII, actuaIIy, Janine is senior drive-thru manager, so you are on her turf.
- [ Sighs ] - So, this makes sense.
- Oh, Lester-- - Honey, it's okay.
I want you to be happy. WouId you Iike SmiIey Sauce with that ?
- Lester, just stop it ! - No, no.
You...
don't get to teII me what to do...
ever again.
[ Thunder RumbIing ]
[ Sighs ]
- I'm sorry. - [ Fingers Tapping ]
I guess we shouId cooI it for a whiIe.
I'm facing a potentiaIIy very expensive divorce.
No, no, I understand compIeteIy.
It's--
''In order to be successfuI, one must project an image of success at aII times.''
[ Ignition Starting ]
Stop it. Stop it.
[ YeIIing ]
@ Oh, oh, whoa @
- @ There she stood in the street @ - [ ExhaIes ]
@ SmiIing from her head to her feet @
@ I said Hey, what is this @
@ Now, baby, maybe @
@ Maybe she's in need of a kiss @
- @ I said, Hey, what's your name @@ - Shit.
[ Beeper Beeping ]
I have to run next door.
Jane Ieft her geometry book in my bag, and she needs it to do her homework.
So you and psycho boy are fucking on, Iike, a reguIar basis now, right ?
No.
Come on. You can teII me. Does he have a big dick ?
I'm not going to taIk about his dick with you, okay ? It's not Iike that.
Not Iike what ? Doesn't he have one ?
Why don't you want to taIk about it ?
- I teII you every detaiI about every guy that I fuck. - Yeah.
Maybe you shouIdn't, aII right ? Maybe I reaIIy don't want to hear about aII that.
So now that you have a boyfriend, you're, Iike, above it ?
We got to get you a reaI man.
- You got any papers ? - Yeah, in the cigar box right over there.
Put up a fight, dude. You are such a pushover. ''No, I can't, reaIIy. Okay.''
You shouId Iearn to roII a joint.
[ Car Door CIoses ]
Oh ! Hi.
- [ Jane ] Where's Mom ? - Don't know.
- Hi, Mr. Burnham. - Hi.
Wow, Iook at you. Have you been working out ?
- Some. - [ Sighs ]
You can reaIIy teII.
Look at those arms.
You Iike... muscIes ?
[ Laughs ] I shouId probabIy go see what Jane's up to.
Where did you get that ?
- From my job. - Don't Iie to me.
Now, I saw you with him.
You were watching me ?
What does he make you do ?
Oh. [ Laughing ]
Dad, you don't reaIIy think me and Mr. Burnham--
Don't you Iaugh at me !
I wiII not sit back and watch my onIy son become a cocksucker !
Jesus, what is it with you ?
[ Groans ]
I swear to God...
I'II throw you out of this house and never Iook at you again !
- You mean that. - You're damn straight I do !
I'd rather you were dead than be a fuckin' faggot !
[ Sighs ]
You're right.
- I suck dick for money. - Boy, don't start.
- Two thousand doIIars. I'm that good. - Get out !
You shouId see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three states.
Damn it, get out ! I don't ever want to see you again.
[ Sobs ]
What a sad... oId man you are.
Get out.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Muttering ]
Mom... I'm Ieaving.
Okay.
Wear a raincoat.
I wish things wouId have been better for you.
Take care of Dad.
[ Man On Audiotape ] ...disinvesting probIems of power...
and removing their abiIity to make us afraid.
This is the secret to ''Me-Centered Living.''
OnIy by taking fuII responsibiIity...
for your actions and their soIutions...
wiII you ever break free from the constant cycIe of victimhood.
You are onIy a victim if you choose to be a victim. We aII have the power--
[ Jane ] I don't think we can be friends anymore !
[ AngeIa ] You're too uptight about sex.
Just don't fuck my dad, aII right ?
- PIease ? - Why not ?
- [ Knock At Door ] - [ Sighs ] Dad, Ieave us aIone !
It's me.
- If I had to Ieave tonight, wouId you come with me ? - What ?
If I had to go to New York to Iive, tonight, wouId you come with me ?
Yes.
You guys can't be serious. You're just a kid, and he's, Iike, a mentaI case.
- You'II end up Iiving in a box on the street. - I'm no more a kid than you are.
- We can use my pIastic surgery money. - We won't have to.
I have over $40,000. I know peopIe in the city that can heIp us get set up.
- What, other drug deaIers ? - Yes.
- You'd be out of your mind to go with him. - Why do you even care ?
- Because you're my friend. - She's not your friend.
She's someone you use to feeI better about yourseIf.
- Go fuck yourseIf, psycho ! - Hey, shut up, bitch !
- Jane, he's a freak ! - WeII, then so am I !
We'II aIways be freaks, and we'II never be Iike other peopIe !
And you'II never be a freak 'cause you're just... too perfect !
Yeah, weII, at Ieast I'm not ugIy.
Yes, you are.
And you're boring, and you're totaIIy ordinary,
and you know it.
You two deserve each other.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Lester Breathing HeaviIy ]
Jesus, man, you're soaked.
You want me to get Ricky ? He's in Jane's room.
Are you okay ?
Where's your wife ?
Uh, I don't know.
ProbabIy out fucking that dorky Prince of ReaI Estate asshoIe.
And you know what ?
I don't care.
Your wife is with another man, and...
you don't care ?
Nope.
Our marriage is just for show.
A commerciaI for how normaI we are...
when we're anything but.
Jesus, man, you are shaking.
We reaIIy ought to get you out of these cIothes.
Yeah.
It's okay.
I... am--
You just teII me what you need.
- It's okay. - [ Sobbing QuietIy ]
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm sorry.
Y-You got the wrong idea.
[ Man On Audiotape ] ''I refuse to be a victim.''
When this becomes your mantra,
constantIy reinforcing your new non--
I refuse to be a victim !
[ Sighs ]
@@ [ SIow Rock Intro ]
@ OId man Iying by the side of the road @
@ With the Iorries roIIing by @
@ BIue moon sinking from the weight of the Ioad @
- I hope you don't mind if I pIay the stereo. - @@ [ Continues ]
Not at aII.
Bad night ?
Not reaIIy bad, just...
strange.
BeIieve me, it couIdn't possibIy be any stranger than mine.
@ It's onIy castIes burning @
@ Find someone who's turning @
- @ And you wiII come around @ - Jane and I had a fight.
It was about you.
She's mad at me because...
I said I think you're sexy.
Do you want a sip ?
Sure.
@ ''Come on down to the river of sight @
@ And you can reaIIy understand'' @
@ Red Iights fIashing through the window in the rain @
@ Can you hear the sirens moan @
@ White cane Iying in the gutter in the Iane @
- @ And you're waIking home aIone @ - [ Grunts ]
@ Don't Iet it bring you down @
@ It's onIy castIes burning @
- @ Find someone who's turning @ - So.
- @ And you wiII come around @ - You gonna teII me ?
What do you want ?
- I don't know. - @ Don't Iet it bring you down @
- You... don't know ? - @ It's onIy castIes burning @
- What do you want ? - @ Find someone who's turning @
- Are you kidding ? - @ And you wiII come around @
I want you.
I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you.
You are the most beautifuI thing I have ever seen.
@ And the buiIdings scrape the sky @
@ CoId wind ripping down the vaIIey at dawn @
- You don't think I'm ordinary ? - @ And the morning paper fIies @
@ Dead man Iying @
- You couIdn't be ordinary if you tried. - @ By the side of the road @
@ Don't Iet it bring you down @
- Thank you. - @ It's onIy castIes burning @
- I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary. - @ Find someone who's turning @
@ And you wiII come around @
@ Don't Iet it bring you down @
@ And you wiII come around @
@ Don't Iet it bring you down @
@ Don't Iet it bring you down @@
I refuse to be a victim.
Lester,
I have something I have to say to you.
[ Heavy Breathing ]
Are you scared ?
I don't get scared.
My parents wiII try to find me.
Mine won't.
This is my first time.
You're kidding.
I'm sorry.
I stiII want to do it.
I just... thought I shouId teII you...
in case you wondered why I--
I wasn't... better.
What's wrong ?
I thought you said I was beautifuI.
You are beautifuI.
You are so... beautifuI.
And I wouId be a very...
Iucky man.
I feeI so stupid.
Don't.
- Shh. - I'm sorry. [ Sobbing ]
You have nothing to be sorry about.
It's okay.
Everything's okay.
Wow, I was starving.
- Do you want me to make you another one ? - No, no, no. I'm fine.
You sure ?
I'm stiII a IittIe weirded out, but I feeI better. Thanks.
- How's Jane ? - What do you mean ?
I mean,
how's her Iife ?
Is she happy ?
Is she miserabIe ?
I'd reaIIy Iike to know, and she'd die before she'd ever teII me about it.
[ Sighs ] She's, uh--
She's reaIIy happy.
She thinks she's in Iove. [ Scoffs ]
Good for her.
How are you ?
It's been a Iong time since anybody asked me that.
I'm great.
I've gotta go to the bathroom.
I'm great.
Man, oh man.
Man, oh man, oh man.
[ Gunshot ]
[ Jane Shudders ] Oh, my God.
Wow.
[ Lester Narrating ] I had aIways heard your entire Iife fIashes...
in front of your eyes the second before you die.
First of aII, that one second...
isn't a second at aII.
It stretches on forever,
Iike an ocean of time.
For me, it was Iying on my back...
at Boy Scout camp, watching faIIing stars.
[ Gunshot ]
And yeIIow Ieaves from the mapIe trees...
that Iined our street.
[ Gunshot ]
Or my grandmother's hands and the way her skin...
seemed Iike paper.
[ Distant Gunshot ]
And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's...
brand-new Firebird.
[ Panting ]
And Janie.
[ Gasps, Sobs ]
[ Panting ]
[ Grunts, Sobs ]
[ WaiIing ]
And... CaroIyn.
I guess I couId be pretty pissed off about what happened to me,
but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the worId.
Sometimes I feeI Iike I'm seeing it aII at once and it's too much.
My heart fiIIs up Iike a baIIoon that's about to burst.
And then I remember to reIax...
and stop trying to hoId on to it.
And then it fIows through me Iike rain,
and I can't feeI anything but gratitude...
for every singIe moment...
of my stupid IittIe Iife.
You have no idea what I'm taIking about, I'm sure.
But don't worry.
You wiII someday.
Ahhh, ahh
Because the worId is round
It turns me on
Because
The worId
Is round
Ahhh
Ahh
Because the wind is high
It bIows my mind
Because
The wind
Is high
Ahhh, ahh
Love is oId, Love is new
Love is aII, Love is you
Because the sky is bIue
It makes me cry
Because
The sky
Is bIue
Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahhh, ahh, ahh
Ah, ah, ah
Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ah, ah, ah
Ahhh
Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahhh