1 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,200 Narrator: There was a time, a time before cable, 2 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,080 when the local anchorman reigned supreme, 3 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,040 when people believed everything they heard on TV. 4 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:07,160 This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. 5 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:13,640 And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest. 6 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,760 His name was Ron Burgundy. 7 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,920 He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. 8 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:25,320 He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr, 9 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,240 and suits so fine 10 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,760 they made Sinatra look like a hobo. 11 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:35,800 In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls. 12 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,240 Mmm. I look good. 13 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:44,240 I mean, really good. 14 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:48,960 Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look! 15 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:55,080 ( vocalizing ) 16 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,600 Mm, ehh, mm. 17 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,240 Ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this. 18 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,880 How now brown cow. How now brown cow. 19 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,400 How now brown cow. 20 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,040 How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? 21 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,240 Maybe don't wear a bra next time. 22 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,760 No, I was talking to you. No, not her. 23 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,160 I don't know her name. What is it? 24 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,680 Lanolin? 25 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,520 La-lanolin? Like sheep's wool? 26 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,680 Unique New York. 27 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,560 Unique New York. 28 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,560 Mm, I love Scotch. 29 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,040 I love Scotch. Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch. 30 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,560 Here it goes down. 31 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,040 Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm. 32 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,320 The arsonist has oddly shaped feet. 33 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,320 How much time? 30? 30 seconds? 34 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,600 - Man: You are on. - I'm on right now? 35 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,440 I don't believe you. 36 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,400 - # Doo doo doo. # - Ron! 37 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,520 Oh, come on. Audrey. 38 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,360 I look like hell. I got bags under my eyes. 39 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,480 What's that? If you were a man, 40 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,400 I'd punch you right in the mouth. 41 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,360 That's bush. Bush league. 42 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,720 The human torch was denied a bank loan. 43 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,480 You hear me? Audrey, look at me! 44 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:16,880 I'm sorry. 45 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,680 All right? I'm sorry. 46 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,080 Ha ha! Ha ha ha ho! 47 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,680 Ha ha ho. 48 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,200 Ha oh! 49 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,240 ( Ron yelling ) 50 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,560 All right, we're on. 51 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,560 Ready, Phil. 52 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,400 We're on in five, four... 53 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,600 Narrator: When the clock struck 6:00, 54 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,560 it meant one thing for Ron Burgundy 55 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,040 and his news team: Go time. 56 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:41,240 Announcer: Channel 4 News, 57 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,240 Announcer: Channel 4 News, 58 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,120 with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor 59 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,880 Ron Burgundy. 60 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,640 Champ Kind, sports. 61 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:50,880 Ooh! Hoo-hoo! 62 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,520 Brick Tamland, weather. 63 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,720 And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana. 64 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,000 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 65 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,480 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, 66 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,880 and this is what's happening in your world tonight. 67 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,360 A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital 68 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,720 after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs 69 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,440 in an abandoned pool. 70 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:27,120 Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up! Ron Burgundy's on! 71 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,080 Authorities are still uncertain as to why the man 72 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,640 - was loitering... - Ron Burgundy. 73 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,720 Oh, my gosh! She said her first words! 74 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,760 Right now it's 82' in our fair city, 75 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:41,680 and compare that to 48' in the upper Northwest 76 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,680 and 38' in the Middle East. 77 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,120 Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday, 78 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,560 one lucky cameraman happened to catch 79 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,200 an unusual aquatic daredevil. 80 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,840 What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive. 81 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,640 His name is Nutty the Squirrel, 82 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,760 and he's three years old. 83 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,160 How 'bout that? ( laughing ) 84 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,040 That squirrel can water-ski. 85 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,600 - Man, that's hilarious. - Yeah, that's good. 86 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,280 For all of us here at News Center 4, 87 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:16,800 I'm Ron Burgundy. 88 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,680 You stay classy, San Diego. 89 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:23,160 All: You stay classy, San Diego. 90 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,280 Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month. 91 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,480 We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic. 92 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,640 - Super-duper, gang! - Yeah! Yeah! 93 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,720 Super-duper! That's nice! 94 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,360 Way to go! Neat-o, gang. 95 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,080 - Brian: Yes! - Ron: Boy, Ed. 96 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,320 That is good news. I gotta be honest. 97 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,120 - Congrats, congrats. - That is good news! 98 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,760 - Brian: All right! - Stick around. 99 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,000 Make sure these guys don't party too much. 100 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,760 - They don't really ever listen to me. - Just get it done. 101 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:48,880 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 102 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,760 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 103 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,120 I've just been handed an urgent 104 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,120 and horrifying news story. 105 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,120 I need all of you to stop what you're doing 106 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,560 and listen. 107 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,840 Cannonball! 108 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,600 ( cheering ) 109 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,680 Narrator: Yes, these fellas were a real news team. 110 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,400 Burgundy, of course, was the foundation, the rock. 111 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:19,560 But each member brought their own special something to the equation. 112 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,800 People call me the Bri-man. 113 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,200 I'm the stylish one of the group. 114 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,240 I know what you're asking yourself, 115 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:29,560 and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis. 116 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,560 It's called the Octagon. 117 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,560 But I also nicknamed my testes. 118 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,560 My left one is James Westfall, 119 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,240 and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. 120 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,960 You ladies play your cards right, you might get to meet the whole gang. 121 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,240 Bang, boom, they were showing lasers 122 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,680 every Friday night. 123 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,120 Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun. 124 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,960 You know, get a couple of cocktails in me, 125 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,080 start a fire in someone's kitchen. 126 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,640 Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. 127 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,640 Anyway, I've become kind of famous 128 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,680 for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!" 129 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,960 As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate... 130 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,920 and whammy!" 131 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,280 Whammy! 132 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,480 ( sniffs ) 133 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,920 I'm Brick Tamland. 134 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,480 People seem to like me because I am polite 135 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,360 and I'm rarely late. 136 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,360 I like to eat ice cream, 137 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,600 and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. 138 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,920 Years later, a doctor will tell me 139 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,720 that I have an lQ of 48 140 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,800 and am what some people call 141 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,840 "mentally retarded." 142 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,440 Ron: Hello! 143 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,160 - Whoo! Marco! - Polo! 144 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,440 - Brian. - You having a good time? 145 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,880 - I'm having a great time. - That makes two of us. 146 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,640 You've gotta meet this girl. 147 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,840 She used to be a Charger cheerleader, but she broke her pelvis. 148 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,200 Sherri, meet Ron Burgundy. 149 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,360 - Hey, Ron. - Hello. 150 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,720 - I've got a big story for you. - Mm-hmm. 151 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,520 And it's right here. 152 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,360 Well, hello. 153 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,400 You pointed to your boobies. 154 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,520 Oh, my God, you did! 155 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,680 - Ron Burgundy? - Yes? 156 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,200 I have had a crush on you since I was a little girl. 157 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,840 Let's go somewhere. 158 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,040 I'm telling you, it don't get no better than this. 159 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,760 We've been coming to the same party for 12 years, 160 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,880 and in no way is that depressing. 161 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,560 Ahh. 162 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,760 # Gonna make our own lightning # 163 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,280 # Yeah, she got the way to move me, Cherry # 164 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,320 # She got the way to groove me # 165 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,600 # Cherry, baby # 166 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,240 # She got the way to move me # 167 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,440 # She got the way to groove me... # 168 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,040 By the beard of Zeus! 169 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,040 Excuse me. 170 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,600 Ron, where you going? What, are you crazy? Ron! 171 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,520 If you're coming down the baseline, you gotta take home plate from me! 172 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,040 So there I go, head first, boom! 173 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,320 I've lost her. 174 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,840 Ohh. 175 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,320 Hello. 176 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,320 Hello. 177 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,880 Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh, 178 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,880 I saw you from across the party, and, uh, 179 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,560 I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. 180 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,520 You have... 181 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,040 an absolutely breathtaking... 182 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,480 heinie. 183 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,880 I mean, that thing is good. 184 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,160 I want to be friends with it. 185 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,480 Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. 186 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,520 Now, if you'll excuse me. 187 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,720 Do you know who I am? 188 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,520 No, I can't say that I do. 189 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:18,480 I don't know how to put this, 190 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,680 but I'm kind of a big deal. 191 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,160 Really? 192 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,360 People know me. 193 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,360 I've very happy for you. 194 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,880 I'm very important. 195 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,720 I have... 196 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,960 many leather-bound books, 197 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,440 and my apartment 198 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,880 smells of rich mahogany. 199 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,720 I-- I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too. 200 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,200 He comes over on occasion. 201 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,560 That's stupid. 202 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:52,120 No, no, that's... very exciting. 203 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,280 Listen, can l-- 204 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,440 can I start over again? 205 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,440 Sure. 206 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,560 I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there. 207 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,480 If you like it, you can take it. 208 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,120 If you don't, send it right back. 209 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,200 Mm-hmm. 210 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,200 I wanna be on you. 211 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,040 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 212 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,560 I-- 213 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,960 I wanna be on you. 214 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,720 ( humming ) 215 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,000 Yoo-hoo! ( clears throat ) 216 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,040 Baxter! 217 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,640 Papa's home. 218 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,760 There he is. There's my little man. 219 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,080 - You're okay? - ( barking ) 220 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,440 Of course I met a lady tonight. 221 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,320 ( growls ) 222 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,520 This one was different. I have to be honest. 223 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,040 Quite different. 224 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,760 - ( barking ) - What-- 225 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,120 I'm lonely? I'm not lonely! 226 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,600 I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego. 227 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,760 Wow. 228 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,720 You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter. 229 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,520 - ( growls ) - You're so wise. 230 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,400 You're like a miniature Buddha 231 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,160 covered in hair. 232 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,360 - ( barks ) - Come again? 233 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,280 ( barking ) 234 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,240 You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. 235 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,320 - ( barks ) - Huh? 236 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,200 - ( growling ) - You pooped in the refrigerator? 237 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,240 - ( sneezes ) - And you ate a whole wheel of cheese? 238 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,160 How'd you do that? 239 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,640 I'm not even mad. That's amazing. 240 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:45,240 ( laughing ) I forgive you. 241 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,040 What do you say we get you in your pj's and hit the hay? 242 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,920 Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on. 243 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,880 ( snoring ) 244 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,200 Oh, that was one crazy party. 245 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,000 I am hung over. 246 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,720 Tell me about it. 247 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,920 I woke up this morning 248 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,080 and I shit a squirrel. 249 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,880 I mean it. Literally. 250 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,480 Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. 251 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,680 So I got this shit-covered squirrel 252 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,520 down there in the office. 253 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,960 Don't know what to name it. 254 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,840 I'm sorry, Champ. 255 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,720 I think I ate your chocolate squirrel. 256 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,160 All right, guys. Let's focus up. 257 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,720 Morning, everyone. 258 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,480 Here are the stories we're going to be chasing today. 259 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,160 It looks like Ling Wong, 260 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,120 the rare panda at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant. 261 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,800 This is a big one. 262 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,680 This could be the big story of the summer. 263 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,520 Network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage. 264 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,280 And speaking of network, word on the street is 265 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,320 they're looking for a new anchor. 266 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,320 - So, Ron... - Huh? Network? 267 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,840 Are they here? 268 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,760 A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining 269 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,600 about a lack of diversity on the news team. 270 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,240 What in the hell's diversity? 271 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,600 ( clears throat ) Well, I could be wrong, 272 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,120 but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship 273 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,520 that was used during the Civil War era. 274 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,200 I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned 275 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,400 about the lack of an old wooden ship, 276 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,720 but nice try. 277 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,360 Diversity means that times are changing, 278 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,640 and with that in mind-- 279 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,640 - Ron, are you paying attention? - Nope. 280 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,800 - This concerns all of us. - Okay. 281 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,600 Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition 282 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,800 to the KVWN News Team, 283 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,480 directly from WYPN 284 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,680 in Asheville, North Carolina, 285 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,720 Ms. Veronica Corningstone. 286 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,720 - # Who's that lady? # - Hello. 287 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,240 - # Who's that lady... # - Hello, everyone. 288 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,720 - Oh! - I just want you all to know 289 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,960 that I look forward to contributing 290 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,160 to this news station's already sterling reputation. 291 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,200 I mean, come on, Ed! It's bullcrap! 292 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,600 Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies. 293 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,040 They rev my engine, but they don't belong in the newsroom! 294 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,400 It is anchorman, not anchorlady! 295 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,960 - And that is a scientific fact! - Brian: Uh-huh. 296 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,160 I don't know what we're yelling about! 297 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,040 Ron, what do you think? 298 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,080 She-- sh-- it's terrible! 299 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,080 She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon! 300 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,360 Mm-hmm. 301 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,320 Loud noises! 302 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:55,120 All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime. 303 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,720 I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. 304 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,520 Bears can smell the menstruation. 305 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,120 Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? 306 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,080 Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy. 307 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,640 I will say one thing for her, Ed, 308 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,800 she does have a nice, big old behind. 309 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,040 I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt 310 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,720 and just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch! 311 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,320 - Ah-whoo! - Stop it! Oh, Jeez. 312 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,200 ( barking, howling ) 313 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,480 Look at the full-moon butt! ( yapping ) 314 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,480 Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ! 315 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,120 Mr. Harken, I was just wondering 316 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,160 if you knew when my office would be ready. 317 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,240 Well, that might take some time. 318 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,560 For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen? 319 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,720 You can use my office! Then afterwards maybe we can go to lunch! 320 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,520 Lower your voice, Ron. 321 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,520 Mm-hmm! 322 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,640 All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken. 323 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,560 I'll go get my desk set up. 324 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,360 ( neck cracking ) 325 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,160 Oh, she is a saucy mama! I mean, I would... 326 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,920 ( Champ continues, indistinct ) 327 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,320 ( Veronica sighs ) Here we go again. 328 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,360 Every station it's the same. 329 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,960 Women ask me how I put up with it. 330 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,600 Well, the truth is, I don't really have a choice. 331 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,520 This is definitely a man's world. 332 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,800 But while they're laughing and grab-assing, 333 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,480 I'm chasing down leads 334 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,200 and practicing my nonregional diction. 335 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,200 Because the only way to win is to be the best. 336 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,920 The very best. 337 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,960 Ron: Touchy situation. 338 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,440 I think the best thing to do with this Corningstone, 339 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,120 to keep her in line, is bed her quick. 340 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,560 Oh, that behind is driving me loco! 341 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,080 I'm like a night wolf. ( howling ) 342 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,560 Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy! 343 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,160 - She's got feelings, too. - Oh, my God! 344 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,680 Listen to Burgundy. 345 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,760 He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch. 346 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,760 You sound like a gay. 347 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,240 ( laughing ) 348 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,800 Hey! Come on! 349 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,680 It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right? 350 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,320 As far as I'm concerned, Corningstone's fair game. 351 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,000 Huh? Let the games begin! 352 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,200 Hi-ohhh! 353 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,680 There he is. There he is. 354 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,680 I'm very aroused. 355 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,160 ( Champ laughing ) What's this? 356 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,480 Well, well, well. 357 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,280 Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team. 358 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,400 Hello, Wes Mantooth. 359 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,240 Hello, Evening News Team. 360 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,760 Nice clothes, gentlemen. 361 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,480 I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale. 362 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,960 ( laughs ) 363 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,160 Am I right? Look at these guys. 364 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,080 Hey, where did you get those clothes? 365 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,120 At the toilet store? 366 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,880 What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy? 367 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,360 You're about to get a serious beat-down. 368 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,800 I will smash your face into a car windshield 369 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,040 and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, 370 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:14,560 out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again! 371 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,440 Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? 372 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,000 - Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! - Ron: Hey. 373 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,680 Leave the mothers out of this, all right? 374 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,160 It's unnecessary. 375 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,600 Besides, I'm sure Wes here 376 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:36,080 is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again. 377 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,920 Ooh! 378 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,400 That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy. 379 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,560 You know those rating systems are flawed. 380 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,800 They don't take into account houses that have 381 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,440 more than two television sets and other things of that nature. 382 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,800 I guess I have to take you at your word, 383 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,320 Number Two. 384 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,040 ( laughing ) 385 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,800 You have a great day, fellas. 386 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,560 We'll see you around the bend. 387 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,520 Son of a bitch! 388 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,680 Brian: Excusez-moi, Numero Two. 389 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,400 Hey, Burgundy. 390 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,920 You know those sample audiences aren't big enough! 391 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,480 Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, Burgundy! I'm coming after you! 392 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:24,120 I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you! 393 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,280 You can't say one word? 394 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,400 Even the guy who can't think says something! 395 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,080 You guys just stand there? Come on! 396 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,440 Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase. 397 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,280 I have no idea where 398 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,160 he would have gotten ahold of German pornography. 399 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,320 But you and l are mature adults. 400 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,680 We've both seen our share of pornographic materials. 401 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,200 Oh, you never have? 402 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,920 Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have l. 403 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,240 I was just speaking in generalities. 404 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:59,640 I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye. 405 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,640 Ed, she insisted on coming in. 406 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,320 Mr. Harken, sir, 407 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:07,320 I will not have my first story at this news station 408 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,320 be about a cat fashion show. 409 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,960 Miss Corningstone, ma'am, 410 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,200 you will do the stories to which you are assigned. 411 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,120 Mr. Harken, I am a damn good journalist, 412 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:21,360 and this cat show thing is grade-A baloney. 413 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,360 It is not baloney. Now, go do your job, missy! 414 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,640 It is baloney! 415 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,480 Hey, Ron, 416 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,920 I'm gonna take a run at the new girl. 417 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,000 Let the games begin. ( howls ) 418 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,200 Oh, Champ, Champ, we're not really gonna actually do that. 419 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,440 - We were just flapping our gums. - Oh, yeah. 420 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,760 You kill me, Burgundy. 421 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,880 Let me just grab this. Oh, sorry about that. 422 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,120 - Whammy. - Hmm. 423 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,480 - Uh, Champ? - Yeah. 424 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,080 You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you? 425 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,840 What can I say? I like the way you're put together. 426 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,520 What do you say we go out on a date? 427 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,040 Have some chicken, maybe some sex. 428 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,720 You know, see what happens? 429 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,640 Oh, let me get this over here. 430 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,000 - ( groans ) - Sorry. 431 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,400 Oh, there it is. 432 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,640 I'll give this little cookie an hour 433 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,720 before we're doing the no-pants dance. 434 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,040 - ( chuckles ) - Time to musk up. 435 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,280 Ron: Wow. 436 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,160 It never ceases to amaze me. 437 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,400 What cologne you gonna go with? 438 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,000 London Gentleman, or-- 439 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,200 wait. No, no, no. Hold on. 440 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,920 Blackbeard's Delight. 441 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,680 No, she gets a special cologne. 442 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,640 It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. 443 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:49,640 - ( snarling ) - It's illegal in nine countries. 444 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,160 Yep, it's made with bits of real panther. 445 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:55,000 - So you know it's good. - It's quite pungent. 446 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,320 Oh yeah. 447 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,360 It's a formidable scent. 448 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,520 It stings the nostrils. 449 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,440 - In a good way. - Yep. 450 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,280 I'll be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline. 451 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,720 They've done studies, you know. 452 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:12,520 60% of the time, it works every time. 453 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,480 That doesn't make sense. 454 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,960 Well... 455 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,400 Iet's go see if we can make this little kitty purr. 456 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,160 ( snarls ) 457 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,120 Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way. 458 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,520 My God. 459 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,560 ( sniffs ) What is that smell? 460 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:36,840 - ( man coughs ) - Oh! 461 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,080 That's the smell of desire, milady. 462 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,200 God, no, it smells like-- 463 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,560 Iike a used diaper filled with lndian food. 464 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,560 Oh! Excuse me. 465 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,560 Desire smells like that to some people. 466 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,440 What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair! 467 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,640 - ( groaning ) - ( retching ) 468 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,840 - ( woman shrieks ) - ( man yelling ) 469 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,960 It smells like Bigfoot's dick! 470 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,960 - ( woman screams ) - Oh. 471 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,880 Man: Oh, hell, that's rank! 472 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,320 ( fire alarm ringing ) 473 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:07,320 Oh, what's that smell? 474 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,040 This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier. 475 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:16,520 Yeah. 476 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,200 It's very distracting. 477 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,080 - When we get to the pet shop-- - Cough! 478 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:22,640 Look over here. 479 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,600 Excuse me, Veronica. 480 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,360 Yes, what is it, Brick? 481 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,360 I would like to extend to you 482 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,560 an invitation to the pants party. 483 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:33,880 Excuse me? 484 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,720 The party. The pants-- 485 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,560 With the pants. Party with pants? 486 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:40,960 Brick, are you saying 487 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,560 that there's a party in your pants and I'm invited? 488 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,200 That's it. 489 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,120 Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick? 490 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,040 No-- yes, he did. 491 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:54,760 Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants. 492 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,440 Very well. Ian? 493 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,480 Would you like to go to a party in my pants? 494 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,320 No, Brick. 495 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,360 All right. Let's go! 496 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,680 - All right, now... - ( loud crash ) 497 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,840 I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster. 498 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,960 A real ice queen. 499 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,320 Mm. I just burned my tongue. 500 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:19,600 The only way to bag a classy lady 501 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,480 is to give her two tickets to the gun show... 502 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,480 and see if she likes the goods. 503 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,600 ( Ron grunts ) 504 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,640 1,001. 505 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,640 1,002. ( grunts ) 506 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,880 - Uh, Mr. Burgundy? - 1,003. 507 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,280 Helen said that you needed to see me? 508 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,640 Oh, Miss Corningstone. 509 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,680 ( grunts ) I wasn't expecting company. 510 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,840 ( grunting ) 511 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,120 Just doing my workout. 512 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,040 Tuesday's arms and back. 513 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,320 - You asked me to come by, sir. - Oh, did l? 514 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:56,800 Yes. 515 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,640 ( grunting ) 516 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,920 Oh, it's the deep burn! 517 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,040 Oh, it's so deep. ( grunts ) 518 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,120 I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. 519 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,800 I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over 1,000. 520 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,800 You have your ubulus muscle 521 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,640 that connects to the upper dorsinus. 522 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,960 It's boring, but it's part of my life. 523 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,800 I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind. 524 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,160 Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you. 525 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,880 You are pathetic. 526 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,440 This has to be the feeblest 527 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,040 pickup attempt that I have ever encountered. 528 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:35,000 I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you. 529 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,400 Wait a minute! I-- pickup attempt? 530 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:38,880 I'm offended. 531 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,360 I have little time to get to the gym, 532 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,960 so I have to sculpt my guns at the office. 533 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,920 Oh, stop calling your arms "guns." 534 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,920 Look. 535 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,160 My plan was to ask you 536 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,840 if I could squire you about town 537 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,480 as one professional helping another professional, 538 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,560 because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city. 539 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,000 - Really? - Yes. 540 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,600 But now I am too hurt. 541 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,320 And shocked and offended 542 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:10,680 and-- and hurt. 543 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,600 I could do that. 544 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:13,840 Really? 545 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,760 Well, yes. 546 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,760 As a journalist, I should get to know 547 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,720 the city that I'm covering. 548 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,760 - But this is not a date. - No, of course not. 549 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,480 - Strictly professional. - Wonderful. 550 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,880 - Hmm. - Great. 551 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,160 Shall I pick you up 552 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,600 8:00? 553 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:36,360 Mm, 9:00. 554 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,080 ( clears throat ) 555 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,560 Downstairs? 556 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,560 Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection. 557 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,600 Really? ( laughs ) 558 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,560 Yes, I do. Um... 559 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,280 I'm sorry, it's the-- 560 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,720 - it's the pleats. - Mm. 561 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,000 It's actually an optical illusion. 562 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,000 It's the pattern on the pants. 563 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,440 It's not flattering in the crotchal region. 564 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,520 I'm actually taking them back right now. 565 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,560 Taking them back to the pants store. 566 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,840 Oh, this is awkward. 567 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,600 I'm gonna walk-- 568 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,320 I'm gonna walk this situation off 569 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,240 and I will see you later. Nothing to look at. 570 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,280 Go back to work, everyone. 571 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,280 Don't act like you're not impressed. 572 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:21,920 Don't look at me right now. 573 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,760 I'm walking around the office. 574 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,760 My new walk. 575 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,480 I have a situation right now I'm trying to walk off. 576 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,320 Frame up two. 577 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,320 - Let's go to Brian Fantana live... - Gimme a tighter one on two. 578 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,720 ...with a Channel 4 News exclusive. 579 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,080 Brian? 580 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,480 Panda watch. The mood is tense. 581 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,160 I have been on some serious, serious reports, 582 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,800 but nothing like this. 583 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,880 I-- l-- Ching-- King is inside now. 584 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,960 I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't. 585 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,760 He's a live bear. He will literally rip your face off." 586 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,800 Hey! You're making me look stupid! 587 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,720 Get out here! Panda jerk! 588 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,400 Great story. Compelling and rich. 589 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,320 ( theme music plays ) 590 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,680 That's gonna do it for all of us at Channel 4 News. 591 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,000 You stay classy, San Diego. 592 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,040 I'm Ron Burgundy? 593 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,960 Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter? 594 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,320 For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, 595 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:20,720 Burgundy will read. 596 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,280 Oh, God, this is a mistake. 597 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,200 This is a mistake. 598 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,360 He's very cute. Very cute. No, he's not. He's hairy. 599 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,800 There she is! Veronica! 600 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,320 My little China doll. 601 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,240 I am full of it tonight. 602 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,760 Oh, silly. Hi. 603 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,880 You look ravishing. 604 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,920 It truly is beauty and the beast. 605 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,400 ( chuckles ) 606 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,320 I might add a handsome beast at that. 607 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,080 Are you ready for our rendezvous? 608 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,760 It's not a date. 609 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,400 No, strictly professional. 610 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,000 Doesn't mean we can't have fun. 611 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,760 - Shall we? - Yes. 612 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,440 San Diego. 613 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,440 Mm! Drink it in. 614 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,440 It always goes down smooth. 615 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,680 ( both chuckle ) 616 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,680 What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy. 617 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,120 I know. I love this city. It's a-- 618 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:20,800 it's a fact. 619 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,160 It's the greatest city in the history of mankind. 620 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,800 ( laughs ) 621 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,240 Discovered by the Germans in 1904. 622 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,440 They named it San Diago, 623 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,520 which of course in German means a whale's vagina. 624 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,680 N-- no, there's no way that's correct. 625 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,960 I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you. 626 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,760 Oh. 627 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,480 I don't know what it means. 628 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,480 I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. 629 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,880 Scholars maintain that the translation was lost 630 00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,880 hundreds of years ago. 631 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,320 Doesn't it mean Saint Diego? 632 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,240 No. No. 633 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,800 No, that's-- that's what it means. 634 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:10,160 Really. 635 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,720 Well, agree to disagree. 636 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,000 May I take your order? 637 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,440 Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet 638 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,360 with a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese. 639 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,280 Very good. 640 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,200 A Manhattan, and kick the vermouth 641 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,360 in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots. 642 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,200 - Certainly. - Thank you, Scott. 643 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,240 Thank you. 644 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,880 Wow. Quite a drink order. 645 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,120 Oh, well, when in Rome. ( chuckles ) 646 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:42,680 Yes? 647 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,600 Please, go on. 648 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:48,120 Uh, do as the Romans do? 649 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:49,880 It's an old expression. 650 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,120 Oh! I've never heard of it. 651 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,920 - Oh. - It's wonderful, though. 652 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,200 ( chuckling ) Mr. Burgundy. 653 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,640 - Tino! How are you? - So good to see you. 654 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,320 You're looking fantastic. 655 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,320 Tino, Veronica. 656 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,960 Veronica. What a pretty girlfriend. 657 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,960 - Drinks are on Tino tonight. - No, no, no. 658 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,480 We're work associates. I work at the station. 659 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,640 - I'm a journalist. - Oh, okay. This is a good guy. 660 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,800 Tino's the finest club owner in the city. 661 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,400 - My best friend, right? - Yes. 662 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,560 Yes, we have a saying in my country about people like him. 663 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,120 "The coyote of the desert 664 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,400 always likes to eat the heart of the young, 665 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,120 where the blood drips down to children for breakfast, lunch and dinner, 666 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,960 - only the ribs will be broken in two." - Tino. 667 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,760 Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy, we will be honored 668 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,560 if you will play "yazz" flute for us. 669 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,400 - I can't. - Please. 670 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,680 - ( sighs ) - You play jazz flute? 671 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:42,840 - I dabble. - Oh. 672 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,000 Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute? 673 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:49,280 - Man: Get it goin', Ronnie! - Tino: Yes! Please. 674 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,520 You, on stage now. 675 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,320 Okay, I guess I can play a little ditty. 676 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,120 - Honestly, I'm-- - Come on. 677 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,800 - Give him a hand. - I'm not prepared. Not at all. 678 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,680 - Yeah! - This is a surprise, I'll tell you. 679 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,080 ( chuckles ) 680 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,760 Guys, "East Harlem Shakedown," E flat? 681 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,360 Keep the cymbals splashy, 682 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,560 and, Jay, let's take the bass line for a walk. 683 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,200 ( sputtering ) Hold on. 684 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,080 I'm not hearing it right. Hold on. 685 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,520 ( playing ) 686 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,480 We got it now. It's all right. 687 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,080 Woman: Fire up, Ronnie! 688 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,800 Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you. Hope you got your griddles. 689 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,560 ( grunts ) 690 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,040 ( grunts ) 691 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,920 That's baby-makin' music, that's what that is. 692 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,360 - Let's go! - ( microphone feedback ) 693 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,040 ( gasps ) 694 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,280 ( plays "Aqualung" riff ) 695 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,360 Hey, Aqualung! 696 00:34:46,240 --> 00:34:48,800 ( cheering ) 697 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,000 Thank you. 698 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:51,960 Thank you! 699 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,520 ( laughing ) 700 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:01,120 You were amazing. 701 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,960 Mm. Thank you. 702 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,160 Where did you learn to play like that? 703 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:06,880 Well, jazz flute 704 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,960 has always been a small passion of mine. 705 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,960 So what other passions do you have, Mr. Burgundy? 706 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:17,760 Well, I have one great passion that-- 707 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:22,280 that lives deep within my loins, like a-- 708 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,360 Iike a flaming golden hawk: 709 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,480 To one day become a network anchor. 710 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,640 Well, believe it or not, 711 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,640 we share the same dream. 712 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,680 I too want to be an network anchor. 713 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,680 God, you are so beautiful. 714 00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:45,000 - ( upholstery squeaks ) - ( Veronica pants ) 715 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,400 We really should be going. 716 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,520 I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker. 717 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,200 Wait. 718 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,360 What if, just for tonight, we weren't coworkers? 719 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,120 We were co-people? 720 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,200 - I don't-- - Shh. 721 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,640 You be a woman. 722 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,040 I'll be a man. 723 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,560 That's all. 724 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,320 Oh. 725 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,520 You continue to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy. 726 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,040 ( moaning ) 727 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,480 Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady. 728 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,040 ( moaning ) 729 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,080 ( both moaning ) 730 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,920 Oh, mi corazón es en fuego! 731 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,240 Julio, fuego, fuego, fuego! 732 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,600 Wait, stop. Stop talking like that. 733 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,120 - I can't understand you. - Sorry. 734 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,760 ( barks ) 735 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,560 Take me to Pleasure Town! 736 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,600 - Oh, we're going there! - Oh! 737 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,880 # Love is like candy on a shelf # 738 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:19,320 # You want to taste and help yourself... # 739 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,880 I friggin' love you! 740 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,920 I friggin' love you back! 741 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,440 # Help yourself, take a few # 742 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,360 # That's what I want you to do... # 743 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,360 Look! The most glorious rainbow ever! 744 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,160 Oh, do me on it! 745 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,240 # Just say the word and they are yours... # 746 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:41,200 - ( horses whinny ) - Whee! 747 00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:46,120 # In my heart your smile has opened up the door # 748 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:50,080 # The greatest wealth that exists in the world. # 749 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,200 Mmm. 750 00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:54,280 Well done, sir. 751 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,760 ( both sigh ) 752 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,520 Tip of the cap to you as well, Miss Corningstone. 753 00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:03,760 ( snickers ) 754 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,760 ( growls ) 755 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,760 I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr. Burgundy. 756 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,320 Mm. 757 00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,800 But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional. 758 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,800 - Right. - Hmm. 759 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,640 When in Rome. 760 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,000 Yeah. 761 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,920 That, uh, expression 762 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,440 doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about. 763 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,520 - Oh, I'm-- - What I was saying. 764 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,560 I still don't quite understand what it means. 765 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,800 Oh, no. You'll find it. 766 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,160 ( both chuckle ) 767 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,200 No, I was saying that, 768 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,320 if we continue seeing each other, 769 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:44,080 that we should keep it relatively quiet around the station. 770 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:45,840 Absolutely, 771 00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,600 my wild love tigress. 772 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,840 ( both growl ) 773 00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:54,000 Tasteful discretion is the name of the game. 774 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,240 Mm-hmm. 775 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,400 Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, 776 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,640 and now we are in love! 777 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,880 Did I say that loud? 778 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,160 Yeah, you pretty much yelled it. 779 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,280 Well, I can't help it. 780 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:13,840 It's fantastic! 781 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,000 - What's it like, Ron? - The intimate times? 782 00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,520 Outta sight, my man! 783 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,320 No. The other thing. 784 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,880 Love. 785 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,560 Yeah. What is that? 786 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:32,440 Well, it's tough to explain. 787 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,320 - I think I was in love once. - Really, what was her name? 788 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:37,720 I don't remember. 789 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,760 That's not a good start, but keep going. 790 00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:42,800 She was Brazilian. 791 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,320 Or Chinese, or something weird. 792 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,320 I met her in the bathroom of a K-mart, 793 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,520 and we made out for hours. 794 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,920 Then we parted ways, never to see each other again. 795 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,440 I'm pretty sure that's not love. 796 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:57,840 Damn it! 797 00:39:57,880 --> 00:39:59,840 I love... 798 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:02,920 carpet. 799 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,840 I love desk. 800 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,680 Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them? 801 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,520 I love lamp. 802 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:17,320 Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it? 803 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:21,040 I love lamp! I love lamp. 804 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,280 You really want to know what love is? 805 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,600 - Yeah. - Yes, tell us. 806 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,400 More than anything in the world. 807 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,520 Well, it's really quite simple. 808 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,160 It's kind of like... 809 00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:39,840 # Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight # 810 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:43,320 # Gonna grab some afternoon delight # 811 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,360 # My motto's always been "When it's right, it's right" # 812 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,920 # Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night # 813 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:56,160 # When everything's a little clearer in the light of day # 814 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,560 # And we know the night # 815 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,960 # Is always gonna be there anyway? # 816 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,880 # Thinkin' of you's working up my appetite # 817 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,640 # Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight # 818 00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,680 # Rubbin' sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite # 819 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:15,160 # And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting # 820 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,080 # Sky rockets in flight # 821 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,040 - # Boo! # - # Afternoon delight... # 822 00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,800 - Whoop! - You guys have it, I think. 823 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,040 # Afternoon delight. # 824 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:30,000 I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy. 825 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,240 Sounds like you have mental problems, man. 826 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,000 - Yeah, you got mental problems, man. - Yeah, he really does. 827 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:36,200 Man. 828 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:39,040 # Afternoon delight. # 829 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,360 - Wanna make a phone call. - Freshen this up. 830 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,480 Oh, look out. Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus. 831 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,520 He's ready to do battle in the arena 832 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,360 against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined. 833 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,240 ( laughing ) 834 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,800 I'm getting some great stuff, Miss Corningstone. 835 00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,040 Shut up. 836 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,880 Oh, I hate cats. 837 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,520 Let's just do my sign-off and get outta here. 838 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,400 It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack. 839 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:17,600 Just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat. 840 00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,120 I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News. 841 00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:24,760 That was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone. 842 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,440 She's really great. 843 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,680 I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating 844 00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:32,440 and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom. 845 00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,240 - ( theme music plays ) - Uh... 846 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,960 That's gonna do it for all of us here at 6:00. 847 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,680 For the Channel 4 News Team, I'm Ron Burgundy. 848 00:42:39,720 --> 00:42:41,680 You stay classy, San Diego. 849 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,800 Man: All clear. 850 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,840 Ron: Uh-oh. 851 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,640 I might be in trouble on that one. 852 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:53,520 I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air. 853 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:57,240 Mmm! Mmm. That is good fondue. 854 00:42:57,280 --> 00:43:00,600 Don't you get it, Ron? I wanna be an anchor. 855 00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,120 That is never gonna happen if everyone in San Diego 856 00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,160 thinks that I'm your bimbo gal pal. 857 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,160 I don't know what to say. 858 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,760 I just-- I got excited. 859 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:14,000 I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain. 860 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:17,240 But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera. 861 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:18,720 ( sighs ) Look. 862 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,720 I report the news. That's what I do. 863 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:25,160 And today's top story, in Ron Burgundy's world, 864 00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,440 read something like this: 865 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,920 I love Veronica Corningstone. 866 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:35,960 Oh, Ron. 867 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,480 Ron: This is nice, gang, sittin' here. 868 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,920 - Brian: Oh, yeah. - Ron: Brown baggin' it. 869 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,400 The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00. 870 00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,440 Oh! Almost forgot. 871 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,800 I won't be able to make it, fellas. 872 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,200 Veronica and I are trying this new fad called, 873 00:43:55,240 --> 00:43:57,080 uh, jogging. 874 00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:00,600 I believe it's jogging or yogging. It might be a soft "J." 875 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,320 I'm not sure, but apparently you just run 876 00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,520 for an extended period of time. 877 00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:08,080 - It's supposed to be wild. - So Ron's not coming? 878 00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:09,720 No, Ron's coming. 879 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,800 It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month. 880 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:14,720 I realize that. 881 00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:18,400 Sometimes you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, "When in Rome." 882 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:20,560 The bottom line is, 883 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,600 you've been spending a lot of time with this lady. 884 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:27,560 You're a member of the Channel 4 News Team. 885 00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:30,040 - That's a given. - We need you. 886 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,520 Hell, I need you. 887 00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,040 I'm a mess without ya. 888 00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,520 I miss you so damn much. 889 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:42,280 I miss being with you. 890 00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,960 I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. 891 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,960 ( anguished laugh ) 892 00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:51,400 ( chuckles ) 893 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,600 I miss-- I miss your scent. 894 00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,280 ( sniffing ) I miss your musk. 895 00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,360 - ( clears throat ) - When this all gets sorted out, 896 00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,440 I think you and me should get an apartment together. 897 00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,920 Just take it easy, Champ. 898 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,400 Why don't you stop talking for a while? 899 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,640 Maybe sit the next couple of plays out. 900 00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,200 You know what I mean? 901 00:45:15,240 --> 00:45:17,200 Yeah, I'm gonna quit sayin' things 902 00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:19,600 when they crop up in the ol' skull, huh? 903 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,560 See what it's like when you're not here? 904 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,600 You're our leader. Look what you're doing to the group. 905 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,000 Champ's been a mess. Brick can't sleep at night. 906 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,200 - ( chuckles ) - Here's the thing, 907 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,040 I don't trust this chick. 908 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,800 We need you around, and she is just using you. 909 00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,000 Everyone, just relax. All right? 910 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:41,120 Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women. 911 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,280 Okay, and Veronica Corningstone, she's just-- 912 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,120 she's just dying to quit her job 913 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,000 so that she can take care of me and have babies. 914 00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:52,520 ( door opening, closing ) 915 00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,200 Hey, gang. 916 00:45:57,240 --> 00:45:59,760 Papa's home. 917 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,160 Oh, honey. 918 00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,720 I am so glad you're home. 919 00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:08,200 My alabaster doll. 920 00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:09,840 Gentlemen. 921 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,800 You look great. 922 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,480 No eye contact! 923 00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,120 ( laughs ) 924 00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,360 Oh, darling. 925 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,520 I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys 926 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,800 and preparing dinner in the nude. 927 00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:26,600 Oh, let's make whoopie. 928 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:30,120 And then I'm going to go drinking with the news team for two days. 929 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,760 Wonderful. Wonderful! 930 00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,800 Ow! 931 00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:36,960 Bite it! Bite it! 932 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:40,080 - Oh, yes! - Oh, yeah! 933 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,480 You are a bad boy. 934 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,960 I'm bad. I need to go to the principal's office. 935 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,800 I love my life. 936 00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,080 I don't know, Ron. 937 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,320 Guess what. I do. 938 00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,760 I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married 939 00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,160 on top of a mountain. 940 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,280 And there's going to be flutes playing 941 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:04,200 and trombones and flowers 942 00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:06,800 and garlands of fresh herbs. 943 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:11,400 And we will dance till the sun rises. 944 00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:14,240 And then our children will form a family band. 945 00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,240 And we will tour the countryside, 946 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:17,920 and you won't be invited! 947 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,960 I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head. 948 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,400 ( wheezing laugh ) 949 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,640 Good. Good one! 950 00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:33,560 Oh, okay. I understand. 951 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,520 You have a nice day, sir. Bye. 952 00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:39,320 Um, I could come back later, Mr. Harken. 953 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:40,760 No, no, no. 954 00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,480 It's just parent stuff. 955 00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,160 It seems that our youngest, Chris, was 956 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,000 on something called acid 957 00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,640 and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd. 958 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,760 - Mm. - You know how kids are. 959 00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,640 Oh. Right. 960 00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:56,320 Anyhoo, what can I do you for? 961 00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:57,680 Well, Mr. Harken, 962 00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,720 I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist 963 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:02,760 and that I deserve the opportunity 964 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,920 to take on more challenging stories. 965 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,120 Well, ask and you shall receive. 966 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:10,400 Ah, yes, this just came across my desk. 967 00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,880 Here is a story of a 103-year-old woman 968 00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:16,720 who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meat loaf. 969 00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,880 Ooh, now that's a hot lead. 970 00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:22,240 Narrator: It was very hard for Veronica. 971 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,920 But she was a pro and hung tough. 972 00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,320 But soon, with a simple act of littering, 973 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,880 everyone's life would change forever. 974 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:32,640 Ron: # La la la la la. # 975 00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:32,760 ( humming ) 976 00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:34,880 ( humming ) 977 00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,600 # Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman # 978 00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:41,600 # I'll take you to foggy London Town # 979 00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:43,080 # Because you are what? # 980 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,920 # My little gentleman. # 981 00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,880 This burrito is delicious, but it is filling. 982 00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,240 - ( tires screeching ) - Ron: Whoa! 983 00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,080 Antony and Cleopatra! 984 00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,000 ( groaning ) 985 00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,320 ( groaning continues ) 986 00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,640 Goddamn son of-- 987 00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:06,560 What the hell, bro'? 988 00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:08,880 Hello, neighbor. 989 00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,120 Did you just throw a burrito out your window? 990 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:12,320 I believe I did. 991 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,320 Are you high or something? Did you see what happened? 992 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,200 I did. That was a terrific spill. That's quite a raspberry. 993 00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:20,920 That's my chopper you just thrashed, Broseph. 994 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,520 Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right? 995 00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:27,960 I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass! 996 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,000 If you want to throw down, fine. 997 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:33,480 I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you. 998 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,800 You destroyed the only thing I love. 999 00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,960 All right? There it is. What do you love? 1000 00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,080 I love poetry. 1001 00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,400 And a glass of Scotch. 1002 00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,200 And, of course, my friend Baxter here. 1003 00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:48,960 Well, guess what. Now this is happenin'. 1004 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,000 Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing? 1005 00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:57,200 - ( splashes ) - That's how I roll. 1006 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,200 Baxter! ( gasps ) 1007 00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:05,080 No...! 1008 00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,120 - Where the hell is he? - He'll be here. 1009 00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,640 - I thought he was Mr. Dependable. - It's not like Ron. 1010 00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:17,320 I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm front, he's useless. 1011 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,160 - Excuse me, gentlemen. - Oh. Hello. 1012 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,560 Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on. 1013 00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,960 You and I have had this discussion a million times. 1014 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,720 There's never been a woman anchor. 1015 00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:28,240 Mr. Harken, 1016 00:50:28,240 --> 00:50:31,240 - this city needs its news. - Oh. 1017 00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,400 You're gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts? 1018 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:35,880 Exquisite breasts? 1019 00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:40,320 I am gonna go on, and if you want to stop me, bring it on. 1020 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,480 Because I am good at three things: 1021 00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:44,800 fighting, screwing and reading the news. 1022 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:48,560 I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? 1023 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,120 Uh-- 1024 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:53,400 Screwing? 1025 00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,240 ( grunts ) 1026 00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:00,240 I will be in makeup. 1027 00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:03,800 Jesus, she's terrifying! 1028 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:07,280 - Fantana. - ( wailing ) 1029 00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:09,680 Ron, are you okay? 1030 00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,800 The man punted Baxter! 1031 00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,880 - ( wailing ) - Calm down. 1032 00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,640 Breathe, Ron, breathe. 1033 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,160 The man that loved the motorcycle! 1034 00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:20,000 What did the bad man do? 1035 00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:24,200 The motorcycle on the bridge! I hit him with a burrito! 1036 00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:25,520 - Ron! - He took him! 1037 00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:28,880 He took him with his foot and he kicked him! 1038 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:30,360 That's what he did! 1039 00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:31,680 Someone punted him? 1040 00:51:31,720 --> 00:51:34,440 No, wait. Wait. Let me say something. 1041 00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:39,880 Let me say something. ( wailing ) 1042 00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:42,880 - What? - ( wailing ) 1043 00:51:45,720 --> 00:51:48,840 I-- I don't-- I didn't understand one word you said. 1044 00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,240 Ron, are you okay? Ron? 1045 00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:53,280 ( wailing ) 1046 00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:59,880 Ron. Where are you? 1047 00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:03,560 I'm in a glass case of emotion! 1048 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,600 He's gonna put Corningstone on. 1049 00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,160 He's gonna put Corningstone on! 1050 00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:12,280 I've got to do the news! 1051 00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:22,080 ( Ed snickers ) 1052 00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:23,200 ( clears throat ) 1053 00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,840 You're not Ron. 1054 00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:32,400 We're on in 10. Good luck, lady. 1055 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,160 Ready the announce. 1056 00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,280 ( clears throat ) 1057 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:40,600 - Power. - Roll in. 1058 00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:42,600 Power. Power. 1059 00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,120 One slip, 1060 00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,640 and you're gone. Whammy. 1061 00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,040 Announcer: And your reporter in the field, 1062 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,400 Brian Fantana. 1063 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,320 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 1064 00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,120 ( clears throat ) 1065 00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:02,720 Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight. 1066 00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:06,600 I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1067 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,120 Tonight's top story: 1068 00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,600 - Okay, we're off and running. - Three armed men 1069 00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:14,360 wearing ski masks made off with over $20,000 from an area bank 1070 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,400 in a daring early morning robbery. 1071 00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:22,880 Hey! 1072 00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:26,080 And the winner of the frog-leaping contest was Hoppy, 1073 00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:29,040 with a jump of seven feet, 10 inches. 1074 00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:30,920 Hmm. 1075 00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:35,120 I used to date a guy named Hoppy down in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too. 1076 00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:37,080 ( laughing ) 1077 00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,360 That will do it for us at 6:00. 1078 00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,960 From all of us here at Channel 4 News, 1079 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,160 I'm Veronica Corningstone, 1080 00:53:44,240 --> 00:53:47,360 and thanks for stopping by, San Diego. 1081 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:48,680 - ( applause ) - All clear! 1082 00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:51,520 Yes! Yes! 1083 00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:54,840 Lady! Lady! 1084 00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:57,720 Not bad, Miss Corningstone. Not bad at all. 1085 00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,880 Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good. 1086 00:53:59,920 --> 00:54:02,880 - That felt really good. - I liked your sign-off line, too. 1087 00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,880 You did? It just came through me. It was so organic. 1088 00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,720 Veronica: Thank you. 1089 00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:09,480 ( grunting ) 1090 00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,480 Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling! 1091 00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:14,160 I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God. 1092 00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:16,080 I have something magnificent to tell you. 1093 00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,600 I'm here. We can do the news now. 1094 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,480 It's all right, everyone! We can do the news. 1095 00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:24,320 Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go! 1096 00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:27,440 Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you. 1097 00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:28,840 What? 1098 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:30,920 Sweetheart, we were so worried about you, 1099 00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:33,800 and we waited as long as we could, but-- 1100 00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:37,840 Darling, I did the news, and I nailed it. I nailed it. 1101 00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:42,440 Wait, wait! Veronica, please, tell me this is some kind 1102 00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,000 of sick, tasteless joke. 1103 00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:47,360 You weren't here. Why are you being this way? 1104 00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,360 Why can't you be proud of me 1105 00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,160 as a peer and as my gentleman lover? 1106 00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:53,680 Oh, Jeez. 1107 00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:56,560 I can't believe you did this to me! 1108 00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:58,560 You read my news! 1109 00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,640 I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. 1110 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,240 I told you that. 1111 00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,680 I thought you were kidding! 1112 00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,680 I thought it was a joke! 1113 00:55:07,720 --> 00:55:10,000 I even wrote it down in my diary! 1114 00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:13,320 "Veronica had a very funny joke today." 1115 00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,320 I laughed at it later that night! 1116 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:17,720 I can't believe that I cared for you. 1117 00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:19,720 Get out! Just go! 1118 00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:22,560 We are through! Through! 1119 00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,560 Because of your actions, you scorpion woman! 1120 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,440 You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. 1121 00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:30,600 You have broken my heart. 1122 00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:36,640 Narrator: From there on out, 1123 00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:39,240 things just got worse for Ron Burgundy. 1124 00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,280 Corningstone was a star, 1125 00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,240 and everything started to move awfully fast 1126 00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:46,920 - after her big break. - Where's lan? Ian! 1127 00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,400 Ed: All right, I got a call from network. 1128 00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,800 It looks like our broadcast last night 1129 00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:54,880 received a two-point ratings boost, 1130 00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:57,360 and the decision has been passed down 1131 00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:00,200 to make Veronica our co-anchor. 1132 00:56:00,240 --> 00:56:02,240 - What? - No. No! 1133 00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:04,360 No! 1134 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,040 - No! - No! 1135 00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:07,520 - No! - This is wonderful. 1136 00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:11,040 Ed, come here, you big silly man. You big silly man. 1137 00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,040 - We did it. - What is this, amateur hour? 1138 00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:20,080 - That's great. - Thank you. 1139 00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:22,040 - # Sunshine, go away today... # - Damn it! 1140 00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:26,440 # I don't feel much like dancing # 1141 00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:29,640 # Some man's gone, he's trying to run my life # 1142 00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:33,840 # Don't know what he's asking # 1143 00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:39,440 # When he tells me I better get in line # 1144 00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:43,120 # I can't hear what he's sayin' # 1145 00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:47,080 # When I grow up I'm gonna make it mine # 1146 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,240 # These ain't dues... # 1147 00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,080 What Brian didn't tell you 1148 00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:53,080 was that those were not real pirates. 1149 00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,600 - They looked convincing, though. - Oh, yes. 1150 00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:58,240 Well, for all of us here at Channel 4 News, 1151 00:56:58,280 --> 00:56:59,600 I'm Ron Burgundy. 1152 00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:01,600 You stay classy, San Diego. 1153 00:57:01,640 --> 00:57:03,680 And thanks for stopping by. 1154 00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:05,720 But mainly stay classy. 1155 00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,520 - Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy. 1156 00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,360 - Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy. 1157 00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:13,000 - Ron Burgundy. - ( clears throat ) 1158 00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:18,400 You are a real hooker, and I'm gonna slap you in public. 1159 00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,080 ( chuckles ) 1160 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,360 You have way too much pubic hair. 1161 00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,320 Actually, that's a point of pride. 1162 00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,160 I'm very proud of my mane of pubic hair, so thank you. 1163 00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,880 You have man boobs. ( chuckling ) 1164 00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,280 You've got a dirty, whorish mouth. 1165 00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,000 I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. 1166 00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:45,240 - A straight shot. - Ooh, ow. 1167 00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,240 Right to the baby-maker. 1168 00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:50,400 Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys. 1169 00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:52,520 Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for. 1170 00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:54,760 I can't work with this woman. It's terrible. 1171 00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:59,360 - ( phone ringing ) - It's ringing. 1172 00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:02,560 Veronica Corningstone. 1173 00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,600 Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin 1174 00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:07,960 from the network. You've just been promoted. 1175 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,120 You're gonna need to move to Moscow. 1176 00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:11,920 Start cleaning up your desk. 1177 00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,280 See you in the morning. We'll pick you up in a van. 1178 00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:15,920 What did you say your name was? 1179 00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,160 Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important. 1180 00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:19,680 Start cleaning your desk, 1181 00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,200 and we'll pick you up in the morning. 1182 00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,520 Tell her she might want to get a coat. 1183 00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:27,200 Hold on. Veronica? What was it? 1184 00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:28,720 Champ: Tell her to get a coat. 1185 00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:31,920 Also, I don't know if you know Moscow. It's pretty cold. 1186 00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,480 You might want to buy a coat. 1187 00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:35,800 Are you and Champ having a good time, Ron? 1188 00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:36,920 Are we what? 1189 00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,160 I can see you, Ron. 1190 00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:40,560 What? 1191 00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:43,560 I can see you. 1192 00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:46,000 Okay. Bye-bye. 1193 00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:47,960 - What happened? - She knew it was me. 1194 00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,360 Announcer: You're watching Channel 4 News 1195 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:56,720 with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor 1196 00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:58,800 Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee. 1197 00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,160 Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1198 00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:05,200 Tits McGee is on vacation. 1199 00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:10,600 And I'm Tits-- I'm Ron Burgundy. 1200 00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:12,040 ( clears throat ) 1201 00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,200 ( phone rings ) 1202 00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:16,760 - Veronica Corningstone. - This is your doctor. 1203 00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:20,000 I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. 1204 00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,240 You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news. 1205 00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:25,800 - Who is this? - This is Dr. Chim. 1206 00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:29,280 - Dr. Chim Richalds. - Ron, is this you? 1207 00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:31,560 - ( laughing ) - I'm a professional doctor. 1208 00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:34,160 You saw me. You don't remember. 1209 00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:37,200 - We-- you should move. - ( Champ laughing ) 1210 00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,440 - Get out of the business. - This is pathetic. 1211 00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:41,560 You're pathetic. 1212 00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:43,240 What'd she say? 1213 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,720 She-- I don't-- I think she bought it. 1214 00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:48,200 Champ: She's looking this way. 1215 00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:51,360 - Oh, uh-oh. Whoa! - Here she comes. 1216 00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:58,040 Ron: I'll tell you what, it's just not working. 1217 00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,440 She's making us look like a bunch of fools. 1218 01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:03,520 - Ellen, where's the party? - ( sighs ) 1219 01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,320 Children, grow up. 1220 01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,360 Son of a bee sting. 1221 01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:12,520 She's turning the entire office against us. 1222 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,200 - This is grim. Real grim. - What are we gonna do? 1223 01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,480 There's only one thing a man can do 1224 01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:21,480 when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk. 1225 01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,720 Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys? 1226 01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:26,400 No. Buy new suits. 1227 01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:28,160 All: Yea! 1228 01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:30,360 # That girl # 1229 01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:35,080 # I'm gonna make her mine if it takes all night # 1230 01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:36,640 # Can you dig it? Can you dig it? # 1231 01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,360 # Can you dig it? Can you dig it? # 1232 01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:38,480 Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes. 1233 01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:41,520 Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes. 1234 01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:43,960 Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut. 1235 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,280 Fantastic. 1236 01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,840 - Is it a shortcut or not? - Okay. 1237 01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:50,920 Jeez. 1238 01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:53,640 ( bell jingles ) 1239 01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,520 Hey. 1240 01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:59,160 Uh-oh. Here comes trouble. 1241 01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:01,560 ( hooting, laughing ) 1242 01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:04,280 Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh? 1243 01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:05,760 ( wolf whistle, catcalls ) 1244 01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:08,760 You boys walkin' around and talkin' things through? 1245 01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:10,440 Keep a tight perimeter. 1246 01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:14,520 Yes, sirree. 1247 01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:16,920 Well, well, well. 1248 01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,560 Ron Burgundy 1249 01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:22,520 and the Channel 4 News Team. 1250 01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:24,520 Where's your mommy? 1251 01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:27,000 You back off, Evening News Team. 1252 01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,000 You know, I understand that, uh, 1253 01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:36,600 they had to bring a female in. 1254 01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:39,240 Change your diapers. 1255 01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:41,800 Wipe the dribble away from your bubblin' lips. 1256 01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,400 Rub Vaseline all over your heinie 1257 01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:48,720 and tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's. 1258 01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:50,640 ( laughing ) 1259 01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:52,880 He said "heinie"! 1260 01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:54,600 Brick, get back over here! 1261 01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,040 Heinie! 1262 01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,080 Does she tuck you in, Ronnie? 1263 01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:01,600 Give you a little kiss on your forehead? 1264 01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,480 Tell you everything's gonna be okay? 1265 01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,800 I've had enough of you, Mantooth. 1266 01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:08,800 This is gonna end right here, right now. 1267 01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,640 Let's dance, dickweed. 1268 01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:12,800 You wanna dance, Ronnie? 1269 01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:17,840 I wanna polka. 1270 01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:28,960 Come get a taste. 1271 01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:34,720 Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade? 1272 01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:36,600 I don't know. 1273 01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,800 All right. Let's do this! 1274 01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:43,840 Hey! 1275 01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:48,760 If you're gonna have a fight, 1276 01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:51,200 then don't forget Channel 2 News with me, 1277 01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:53,480 Iead anchor Frank Vitchard. 1278 01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:56,800 You dirtbags have been in third place for five years. 1279 01:02:56,840 --> 01:03:00,680 Yeah? Well, you're about to be in dead place. 1280 01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:10,400 Not so fast, you ingrates! 1281 01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:13,560 Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive 1282 01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,200 to kick some ass. 1283 01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:17,440 No commercials! No mercy! 1284 01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,280 ( yelling ) 1285 01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:25,880 ( rattling ) 1286 01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:32,680 Cómo están, pinches! 1287 01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:34,800 Spanish Language News is here. 1288 01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:36,200 Tonight's top story: 1289 01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:39,680 The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood. 1290 01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:41,520 Hyah! Hyah! 1291 01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:44,160 ( whooping ) 1292 01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:51,440 Well looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest. 1293 01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:02,080 Now, before we do this, let's go over the ground rules. 1294 01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:04,280 ( snarling ) 1295 01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,560 Rule number one: 1296 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:09,320 No touching of the hair or face. 1297 01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:11,520 Of course. 1298 01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:13,760 And that's it! 1299 01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:16,000 Now let's do this! 1300 01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:26,720 - Begin! - ( shouting ) 1301 01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:34,760 ( screaming ) 1302 01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,920 - ( screams ) - ( chuckles ) 1303 01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:06,840 I'm gonna straight-up murder your ass! 1304 01:05:06,880 --> 01:05:08,920 - Blade! - Here you go, mate! 1305 01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:11,040 Ahh! God! 1306 01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:13,680 Oh! I did not see that coming! 1307 01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:19,400 Oh! Aaah! 1308 01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,680 - Now I'll be number one. - No, you won't! 1309 01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:27,680 - ( sirens wailing ) - Policía! 1310 01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:44,080 Boy, that escalated quickly. 1311 01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:47,080 I mean, that really got out of hand fast. 1312 01:05:47,120 --> 01:05:49,720 - It jumped up a notch. - It did, didn't it? 1313 01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:52,160 Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart. 1314 01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:55,760 I saw that. Brick killed a guy. 1315 01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:58,000 - Did you throw a trident? - Yeah. 1316 01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:01,400 There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident. 1317 01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:03,720 I've been meaning to talk to you about that. 1318 01:06:03,760 --> 01:06:06,600 Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. 1319 01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:10,800 Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. 1320 01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:12,320 I'm proud of you fellas. 1321 01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:14,080 You kept your head on a swivel. 1322 01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:17,120 That's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cockfight. 1323 01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:19,920 Can you believe Mantooth and the Channel 9 Evening News Team? 1324 01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:22,440 "Where's your mommy? Someone's gotta change your diapers." 1325 01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:25,160 This Corningstone business is really hurting our rep. 1326 01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:27,200 I know exactly what you mean, Brian. 1327 01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:29,680 Every newsman in this city's laughing at us. 1328 01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:33,480 - And I don't like it. - I don't like the put-downs. 1329 01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:35,280 We're gonna do something about it. 1330 01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:37,920 It is time to put an end to this! 1331 01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:41,280 Last time I looked, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name? 1332 01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:42,880 - Brian Fantana. - Champ Kind. 1333 01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:44,560 - Brian Fantana. - No, you're Brick. 1334 01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:45,760 - Brian. - I'm Brian. 1335 01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:47,360 Veronica. 1336 01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:50,720 Ron on TV: And I've shown you, old man! 1337 01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:53,920 Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead. 1338 01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:55,720 Ron's using the machine 1339 01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:58,520 to play his local Emmy acceptance speech from last year. 1340 01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:00,400 I tried to ask her out on a date. 1341 01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:04,160 Turn the music off! I'm still talking! 1342 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:06,720 - This is ridiculous! - I don't remember doing it. 1343 01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:09,000 - Excuse me. - What are you doing? 1344 01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:12,360 I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story. 1345 01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:14,440 I'm using the tape. 1346 01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,560 I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape. 1347 01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:18,200 We are watching history. 1348 01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:20,800 Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, 1349 01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:24,360 and I would like to be able to do my job. 1350 01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:26,600 Big deal! I am very professional! 1351 01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:29,160 Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby. 1352 01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:32,960 I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman! 1353 01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,840 You are not a man. You are a big fat joke! 1354 01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:37,800 I'm a man who discovered the wheel 1355 01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:41,120 and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. 1356 01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,880 That's what kind of man I am. 1357 01:07:42,920 --> 01:07:45,600 You're just a woman with a small brain. 1358 01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:49,480 With a brain a third the size of us. It's science. 1359 01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:52,440 I will have you know that I have more talent 1360 01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:54,880 and more intelligence in my little finger 1361 01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:57,400 than you do in your entire body, sir! 1362 01:07:57,440 --> 01:07:59,920 You are a smelly pirate hooker! 1363 01:07:59,960 --> 01:08:02,240 You look like a blueberry. 1364 01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:05,360 Why don't you go back to your home on Whore lsland? 1365 01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:08,680 Well, you have bad hair. 1366 01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:10,960 ( onlookers gasp ) 1367 01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:12,960 What did you say? 1368 01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:14,800 I said 1369 01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:16,520 your hair 1370 01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:19,320 Iooks stupid. 1371 01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:23,880 ( screaming ) 1372 01:08:26,200 --> 01:08:29,480 - Let 'em work it out! - It's between the two of them! 1373 01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:41,960 ( screaming ) 1374 01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:44,520 They're just talking. Just talking. 1375 01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:47,040 - I hate you! - I hate you more! 1376 01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:53,200 ( screaming ) 1377 01:08:57,080 --> 01:08:58,720 ( Veronica yells ) 1378 01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:00,280 Ow! 1379 01:09:00,320 --> 01:09:02,880 - ( screaming ) - Shut up! Shut up! 1380 01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:08,360 All right, stop! 1381 01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:10,360 Stop what you're doing right now! 1382 01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:13,400 I will not have my newsroom be divided. 1383 01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:17,280 Ah! Knights of Columbus, that hurts! 1384 01:09:19,480 --> 01:09:21,440 Veronica: I was like, "Who is that guy?" 1385 01:09:21,480 --> 01:09:25,240 ( laughing ) 1386 01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:28,280 I just can't believe what Ron did to you. 1387 01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,760 It is so awful. 1388 01:09:30,800 --> 01:09:32,800 Yes. 1389 01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:36,040 Have you ever thought about fighting fire 1390 01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:38,440 with fire? 1391 01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:41,440 What do you mean? 1392 01:09:41,480 --> 01:09:45,560 I have some information that you can choose to use or not use. 1393 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,000 Up to you. 1394 01:09:47,040 --> 01:09:49,280 Ron Burgundy 1395 01:09:49,320 --> 01:09:52,760 will read anything that is put on that Teleprompter. 1396 01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:54,800 And when I say anything, 1397 01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:57,280 I mean an-y-thing. 1398 01:10:06,040 --> 01:10:07,280 Arnold, cue one. 1399 01:10:07,320 --> 01:10:09,400 After the FotoMat was destroyed, 1400 01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:12,200 the bear scampered back into the woods. 1401 01:10:12,240 --> 01:10:15,160 Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints. 1402 01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:16,520 - Oh. - ( chuckles ) 1403 01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:20,120 From the entire Channel 4 News Team, 1404 01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:21,880 I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1405 01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:23,280 And I'm Ron Burgundy. 1406 01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:25,920 Go fuck yourself, San Diego. 1407 01:10:27,040 --> 01:10:28,400 ( shrieks ) 1408 01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:30,720 - ( cup clatters ) - ( gasps ) 1409 01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:34,400 What in the name-- 1410 01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,400 No! 1411 01:10:36,440 --> 01:10:38,680 Nobody talks about my city that way! 1412 01:10:38,720 --> 01:10:40,800 Ron Burgundy's ass is grass! 1413 01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:43,520 ( humming ) 1414 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:46,520 Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast. 1415 01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:48,920 Really good. Everyone on the floor as well. 1416 01:10:48,960 --> 01:10:50,960 Really a lot of hustle. I liked it. 1417 01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:54,200 - ( phone ringing ) - Dump out! Dump out! 1418 01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:56,360 ( humming ) Hello, Edward. 1419 01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:59,200 - Ron, I've got to fire you. - I've got to fire you. 1420 01:10:59,240 --> 01:11:01,240 Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed. 1421 01:11:01,280 --> 01:11:04,360 Do you even know what you just said? 1422 01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:07,640 ( gasps ) Great Odin's raven! 1423 01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:09,680 Are you happy, Ron? 1424 01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:12,680 Veronica. She put that in the Teleprompter. 1425 01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:16,960 You're probably right, but this is bad, Ron. Real bad. 1426 01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:19,040 My hands are tied. I-- 1427 01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:20,840 I gotta fire you. 1428 01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:23,360 Ed, let's hold on. Let's count to 10. 1429 01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:27,120 That's a rash decision. Is this about something else? 1430 01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:31,520 Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego-ites. 1431 01:11:31,560 --> 01:11:34,040 San Diego-ins. San Diego-uns. 1432 01:11:34,080 --> 01:11:36,400 - San Dieg-ons. - San Diegans. 1433 01:11:36,440 --> 01:11:38,640 San Diegans out in front of the station. 1434 01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:40,440 They want Ron's blood. 1435 01:11:40,480 --> 01:11:41,880 They want to hurt you. 1436 01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:45,200 Why did you say that? Why? 1437 01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:47,720 ( sobbing ) Why, Ron? Why? 1438 01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,120 You're my hero, Ron. 1439 01:11:50,120 --> 01:11:51,520 Garth, l-- 1440 01:11:51,560 --> 01:11:55,520 And you come out with stink like that poop! 1441 01:11:55,560 --> 01:12:00,360 You poop mouth! Get all the poop out of your mouth! 1442 01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:04,280 If I were to give you money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain? 1443 01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:07,480 I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you! 1444 01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:16,680 Ron? Ron! I never wanted it to be like this. 1445 01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:20,160 I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy? 1446 01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:23,880 No, Ron, I'm not! It was supposed to be a joke. 1447 01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:26,520 I mean, it's still kind of funny. 1448 01:12:26,560 --> 01:12:27,960 But it's not. 1449 01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:30,160 I have nothing left! Nothing! 1450 01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:32,400 I've been reduced to rubble! 1451 01:12:32,440 --> 01:12:35,680 Don't you know I would never say the word fuck? 1452 01:12:35,720 --> 01:12:38,280 I would never fucking ever fucking say that! 1453 01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:39,960 Ever! 1454 01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:42,280 Let's go. These people are about to pull you apart. 1455 01:12:42,320 --> 01:12:46,400 I'm sorry. Get your hands off him, you bastards! 1456 01:12:46,480 --> 01:12:48,480 Don't you know I would never say fuck? 1457 01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,640 - Fuck! - Move. 1458 01:12:50,680 --> 01:12:53,960 No! No! 1459 01:13:06,520 --> 01:13:08,880 Mr. Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself. 1460 01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:11,840 - Please, l-- - You're an awful man! 1461 01:13:11,880 --> 01:13:15,720 You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr. Burgundy! 1462 01:13:17,680 --> 01:13:19,480 Narrator: Bob Dylan once wrote, 1463 01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:21,520 "The times, they are a-changin'." 1464 01:13:21,560 --> 01:13:24,000 Ron Burgundy had never heard that song. 1465 01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:28,080 So when he fell, he fell hard. 1466 01:13:31,400 --> 01:13:35,520 Announcer: It's Channel 4 News at 6:00! 1467 01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:37,160 Good evening, San Diego. 1468 01:13:37,200 --> 01:13:40,800 I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone. 1469 01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:43,920 Tonight's top story: an ultrasound of Ling Wong, 1470 01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:46,160 the most famous panda in the world, 1471 01:13:46,200 --> 01:13:49,000 shows that her baby is doing quite well. 1472 01:13:49,040 --> 01:13:52,120 - No! - ( ringing ) 1473 01:13:57,280 --> 01:13:59,480 Ron Burgundy, stay classy. ( clears throat ) 1474 01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:01,840 Hello, this is Ron. 1475 01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:03,080 Hello. 1476 01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:05,920 Who's there? I'm talking. Hello. 1477 01:14:05,960 --> 01:14:07,640 Who is this? 1478 01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:10,280 Baxter, is that you? 1479 01:14:10,320 --> 01:14:11,720 Baxter! 1480 01:14:11,760 --> 01:14:13,720 Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee. 1481 01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:16,840 Is this Wilt Chamberlain? 1482 01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:19,960 Have the courage to say something. Hello! 1483 01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:23,400 Hello! 1484 01:14:26,280 --> 01:14:27,840 ( yells ) 1485 01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:33,200 Oh, Tino, thank you for letting me come in here. 1486 01:14:33,240 --> 01:14:35,080 I'm glad I can still get a good meal. 1487 01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:39,360 Yeah sure. Here you are, the chef made this special for you. 1488 01:14:41,760 --> 01:14:44,120 You eat that for the way you talk about my city. 1489 01:14:44,160 --> 01:14:46,080 I will not eat that. 1490 01:14:46,120 --> 01:14:48,120 You're going to eat that cat poo. 1491 01:14:48,160 --> 01:14:50,200 I will not eat cat poop. 1492 01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:53,480 - You will eat cat poo. - Ron Burgundy says no! 1493 01:14:53,520 --> 01:14:56,120 You make a fool of me and everyone here. 1494 01:14:56,160 --> 01:14:58,720 You put that cat poo in your mouth. 1495 01:14:58,760 --> 01:15:01,240 - No! - Yes! 1496 01:15:01,280 --> 01:15:04,000 - No! - Sí! 1497 01:15:04,040 --> 01:15:07,080 - I will not eat cat poop. - You will do it immediately! 1498 01:15:07,120 --> 01:15:08,960 - No! - You will! 1499 01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:12,200 - Fine, I'll try to eat one-- - Get in there. 1500 01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,200 If I take one bite will you get me a steak? 1501 01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:17,080 If I take one bite of shit will you bring me a steak? 1502 01:15:17,120 --> 01:15:18,560 I'll think about it. 1503 01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:20,600 Yeah, get in there. 1504 01:15:20,640 --> 01:15:23,280 - Yeah, start with the end. - I am so hungry. 1505 01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:26,480 - There. - Oh God! 1506 01:15:26,520 --> 01:15:30,160 A steak. A big steak for him, please. 1507 01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:32,920 No! I had one bite. 1508 01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:35,160 - That's not enough. - Son of a bitch. 1509 01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:37,480 - You like this? - ( Ron crying ) 1510 01:15:37,480 --> 01:15:39,480 Oh, don't cry. Don't cry. 1511 01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:41,640 He's not crying. He's not crying. 1512 01:15:41,680 --> 01:15:45,000 - Don't cry in my-- - I'll eat the shit. I don't care. 1513 01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:47,840 I'll eat the entire hunk of shit. 1514 01:15:47,880 --> 01:15:49,680 Okay, just finish it up. 1515 01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:51,160 Don't you feel better now? 1516 01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:55,880 Hey, you watch yourself, mister. 1517 01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:58,640 Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah. 1518 01:15:58,680 --> 01:16:00,040 You smell. 1519 01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:03,160 ( groaning ) 1520 01:16:03,200 --> 01:16:06,520 Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron. 1521 01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:08,040 Fellas! 1522 01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:10,560 Harken said he'd fire us if we talked to you. 1523 01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:14,000 - What? - I'm sorry. 1524 01:16:14,040 --> 01:16:16,400 I-- Brian! 1525 01:16:16,440 --> 01:16:18,560 - It's Ronnie! - Ron! 1526 01:16:18,600 --> 01:16:20,680 - Champ! - Ron! 1527 01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:22,720 Champ, come on. Come on! 1528 01:16:22,760 --> 01:16:24,160 Go, Brick. 1529 01:16:24,160 --> 01:16:26,360 My sweet Brick. 1530 01:16:26,400 --> 01:16:29,440 Brick, come hug me. I know you want to. 1531 01:16:31,040 --> 01:16:34,320 Ron: I am completely miserable, San Diego! 1532 01:16:37,640 --> 01:16:39,640 It's so damn hot! 1533 01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:44,520 Milk was a bad choice! 1534 01:16:51,880 --> 01:16:53,840 Yes, yes. Chris, listen to me. 1535 01:16:53,880 --> 01:16:57,160 Put down the gun and let the marching band go. 1536 01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:59,640 - We'll play it off as a prank. - ( phone ringing ) 1537 01:16:59,680 --> 01:17:02,480 We'll straighten it out later. I'm getting another call. 1538 01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:04,480 Ed Harken. 1539 01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:06,600 What? Oh, my God! 1540 01:17:06,640 --> 01:17:11,280 Listen, everybody, Ling Wong the panda is giving birth! 1541 01:17:11,320 --> 01:17:14,320 Get Corningstone over there right away! 1542 01:17:14,360 --> 01:17:16,360 The network is picking up the feed. 1543 01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:19,400 I want a shot of that panda being born! 1544 01:17:26,120 --> 01:17:28,600 This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News Los Angeles, 1545 01:17:28,640 --> 01:17:30,280 reporting from the San Diego Zoo. 1546 01:17:30,320 --> 01:17:32,000 And this is the moment 1547 01:17:32,040 --> 01:17:34,600 the entire world has been waiting for. 1548 01:17:34,640 --> 01:17:37,880 I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda, 1549 01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:40,960 but if I had to guess, I'd say female. 1550 01:17:41,040 --> 01:17:43,280 - Excuse me. Press. - Hey, lady, watch it. 1551 01:17:43,320 --> 01:17:45,800 Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you. What do you got? 1552 01:17:45,880 --> 01:17:48,160 Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain. 1553 01:17:48,200 --> 01:17:50,240 Veronica: Oh, damn it. 1554 01:17:50,280 --> 01:17:54,760 Go over there and see if you can get a shot. I'll go this way. 1555 01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:57,840 Hey, lady, why don't you go fetch me a sandwich? 1556 01:17:57,880 --> 01:18:00,480 - ( laughing ) - Okay, I'll go get your sandwich. 1557 01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:03,680 Then I'll show you the ratings where you're number two to a woman. 1558 01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:06,560 Ouch. Don't lose any more hair over it. 1559 01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:09,920 - Whatever. - We're live, Mr. Mantooth. 1560 01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:13,840 Good afternoon, San Diego. 1561 01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:16,520 We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda. 1562 01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:19,320 # Sky rockets in flight # 1563 01:18:20,400 --> 01:18:24,760 # Afternoon delight # 1564 01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,240 # Af-- # ( raspberry ) 1565 01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:30,480 # I make fart noises with my mouth # 1566 01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:31,840 ( raspberry ) 1567 01:18:31,880 --> 01:18:34,120 - # And I like to cut-- # - Hey, nut job! 1568 01:18:34,160 --> 01:18:35,680 Quit the singin'! 1569 01:18:35,760 --> 01:18:37,800 Creeping out all the regulars. 1570 01:18:37,840 --> 01:18:41,960 I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song! 1571 01:18:42,000 --> 01:18:45,080 Look, drunkie, you been coming in here every day, 1572 01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:47,240 stinking up the joint with your craziness. 1573 01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:49,280 Now, what the hell is wrong with you? 1574 01:18:49,320 --> 01:18:51,280 I got no heart! 1575 01:18:51,320 --> 01:18:53,640 Because a she-devil stole it! 1576 01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:56,240 You know what the worst part about it is? 1577 01:18:58,320 --> 01:19:00,320 She's better than me! 1578 01:19:01,920 --> 01:19:03,880 She's better than me. 1579 01:19:05,160 --> 01:19:07,120 You know, times are changing. 1580 01:19:08,360 --> 01:19:10,680 Ladies can do stuff now. 1581 01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:13,520 You're gonna have to learn how to deal with that. 1582 01:19:13,560 --> 01:19:16,040 What? Were you saying something? 1583 01:19:16,080 --> 01:19:18,400 Look, I don't speak Spanish. 1584 01:19:18,400 --> 01:19:20,480 Ah. 1585 01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:31,040 Scotty. 1586 01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:33,640 Scotty, I have the shot. 1587 01:19:33,720 --> 01:19:35,680 Scotty. Scotty! 1588 01:19:35,720 --> 01:19:37,720 ( clear throat ) Hey, uh, 1589 01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:40,720 that is some fantastic shot you got there. 1590 01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:44,160 The kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news. 1591 01:19:44,160 --> 01:19:47,600 - Oh, well, we hope. - We at public television, 1592 01:19:47,600 --> 01:19:52,040 we're really down with the woman's lib thing. 1593 01:19:52,080 --> 01:19:54,400 That is so refreshing to me. 1594 01:19:54,440 --> 01:19:56,920 Because the struggle I've-- ( screams ) 1595 01:20:00,160 --> 01:20:03,480 - Howie, we have the shot. - ( Veronica grunts ) 1596 01:20:03,480 --> 01:20:05,480 Up a little. Up, up. 1597 01:20:05,520 --> 01:20:07,640 Oh. You son of a bitch! 1598 01:20:07,680 --> 01:20:09,640 Shh! 1599 01:20:09,720 --> 01:20:11,800 Don't want to wake up your friends. 1600 01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:13,520 ( Veronica groaning ) 1601 01:20:13,560 --> 01:20:16,320 ( grunts, shrieks ) 1602 01:20:17,920 --> 01:20:20,520 ( snoring ) 1603 01:20:22,760 --> 01:20:24,040 ( hushed ) Help! 1604 01:20:24,080 --> 01:20:26,680 - Simply vanished. - How do you lose your lead anchor? 1605 01:20:26,720 --> 01:20:29,200 - I can't find Corningstone. - Where the hell is she? 1606 01:20:29,240 --> 01:20:31,240 - No one's seen her. - I can't believe this. 1607 01:20:31,240 --> 01:20:34,760 Every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this. 1608 01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:37,840 I've got no damn lead anchor! 1609 01:20:37,880 --> 01:20:40,360 Damn it! Get me a phone. 1610 01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,720 I can't believe I'm about to do this. 1611 01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:44,320 ( phone rings ) 1612 01:20:45,600 --> 01:20:47,400 Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining. 1613 01:20:47,440 --> 01:20:50,400 - Is there an anchorman there? - Hold on. 1614 01:20:50,440 --> 01:20:53,160 This is killing me. I'd rather slit my throat. 1615 01:20:53,200 --> 01:20:55,800 - Hello? - Hello? 1616 01:20:55,840 --> 01:20:57,800 - Is this Ron? - Who is this? 1617 01:20:57,840 --> 01:20:59,840 - It's me. Ed. - Who? 1618 01:20:59,840 --> 01:21:02,360 - Ed Harken. - I don't know a Ned. 1619 01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:04,680 - Ed Harken! - Ed! 1620 01:21:04,720 --> 01:21:07,000 - Ed, hello. - Listen, Ron. 1621 01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:10,880 Corningstone disappeared in the midst of the biggest story of the year. 1622 01:21:10,880 --> 01:21:12,960 We need you down here right away. 1623 01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:14,640 Wait, Ed. 1624 01:21:14,680 --> 01:21:17,880 Does this mean you're asking me to report the news again? 1625 01:21:19,560 --> 01:21:21,560 - Yes. - Ed! 1626 01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:23,720 That's wonderful! Thank you! 1627 01:21:23,760 --> 01:21:26,160 Ed, hold on. I want to say a few words. 1628 01:21:26,200 --> 01:21:29,480 - You have always been a good friend! - Right. 1629 01:21:29,520 --> 01:21:31,000 - Always! - Right. 1630 01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:33,560 ( blubbering ) 1631 01:21:33,600 --> 01:21:36,080 Get down here as quickly as you can. 1632 01:21:36,120 --> 01:21:38,120 Ed, I'll be down there. 1633 01:21:39,280 --> 01:21:41,920 And I'm going to look good. 1634 01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:55,040 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy. 1635 01:21:55,080 --> 01:21:57,440 Damn! That dude cleans up good! 1636 01:21:57,480 --> 01:22:01,680 If I'm gonna do this, I'll need my news team at my side. 1637 01:22:01,720 --> 01:22:04,200 ( breathing deep ) 1638 01:22:04,200 --> 01:22:06,360 ( resounding ) 1639 01:22:09,400 --> 01:22:11,400 Ron: News team! 1640 01:22:11,440 --> 01:22:14,000 Assemble! 1641 01:22:15,040 --> 01:22:16,960 ( horn echoing ) 1642 01:22:21,120 --> 01:22:24,680 News team, assemble! 1643 01:22:24,720 --> 01:22:26,520 ( echoing ) 1644 01:22:26,560 --> 01:22:28,440 Hey, Ron. 1645 01:22:28,480 --> 01:22:30,120 What's up? 1646 01:22:30,160 --> 01:22:31,640 Oh. 1647 01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,920 Hi. Didn't see you there. 1648 01:22:33,960 --> 01:22:37,360 We've been here literally the entire time you have. 1649 01:22:37,400 --> 01:22:40,240 I'm a little embarrassed. 1650 01:22:40,280 --> 01:22:42,400 ( sighs ) Look. 1651 01:22:42,440 --> 01:22:46,720 I just got the call from Harken. He wants me back. 1652 01:22:46,760 --> 01:22:49,040 But I can't do this without my news team. 1653 01:22:49,080 --> 01:22:50,720 I don't know, Ron. 1654 01:22:50,760 --> 01:22:53,480 That was half a lifetime ago. We're different people now. 1655 01:22:53,520 --> 01:22:55,480 When you left, the hurt was so deep. 1656 01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:58,080 I don't know if I can go through that again. 1657 01:22:58,120 --> 01:23:00,120 Think about what you're asking. 1658 01:23:00,160 --> 01:23:02,120 ( babbles ) Man. 1659 01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:03,800 Gentlemen, 1660 01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:07,520 there was a time 1661 01:23:07,560 --> 01:23:10,560 when you called me your lead anchor. 1662 01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:15,960 Will you follow me again? 1663 01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:20,040 I'm gettin' too old for this shit. 1664 01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:22,080 To the news van! 1665 01:23:22,080 --> 01:23:24,800 - To the news van! - Okay! 1666 01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:36,800 Ahh! 1667 01:23:36,840 --> 01:23:38,960 Well, I'll be. Ron Burgundy. 1668 01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:40,720 He's back! 1669 01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:43,720 Gentlemen, let's try to get in a good position for the story. 1670 01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:45,680 - How does the hair look? - Magnificent. 1671 01:23:45,720 --> 01:23:47,840 Champ: You have hair like an angel. 1672 01:23:47,880 --> 01:23:50,800 Oh, whoa, whoa. Network talent scout. 1673 01:23:50,840 --> 01:23:54,280 - Champ: This is a hot one. - Ron: I'm actually nervous. 1674 01:23:54,280 --> 01:23:56,360 - Let's go get 'em. - ( Veronica whimpering ) 1675 01:23:56,400 --> 01:23:58,280 Wait! Did you just hear something? 1676 01:23:58,320 --> 01:24:01,080 - ( growling ) - Help. 1677 01:24:01,120 --> 01:24:03,560 - Ron, help! - Veronica! 1678 01:24:03,600 --> 01:24:05,800 - Are you okay? - Shh! 1679 01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:07,480 How did you get down there? 1680 01:24:07,520 --> 01:24:09,520 Just go get someone. Please. 1681 01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:11,960 Hold on. Hold on! 1682 01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:13,600 ( growling ) 1683 01:24:15,160 --> 01:24:16,920 We've got to do something. 1684 01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:19,400 Whoa, Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but-- 1685 01:24:19,440 --> 01:24:21,800 There's a network talent scout over there. 1686 01:24:21,840 --> 01:24:23,920 This is a tough decision. 1687 01:24:23,960 --> 01:24:26,600 So much to think about. 1688 01:24:26,640 --> 01:24:29,080 Basically the biggest story of my career, 1689 01:24:29,120 --> 01:24:32,920 Iaunching me to a level I've never known before, 1690 01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:34,440 or saving the woman 1691 01:24:34,480 --> 01:24:37,760 I used to have familiar relations with. 1692 01:24:37,800 --> 01:24:40,520 This is hard! 1693 01:24:40,560 --> 01:24:43,120 I am in a pickle! 1694 01:24:43,160 --> 01:24:45,560 Ron, I know it sounds harsh, 1695 01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:48,080 but God does not want her to live. 1696 01:24:48,120 --> 01:24:50,160 No. Hold on. 1697 01:24:51,520 --> 01:24:53,520 It's clear now. 1698 01:24:55,600 --> 01:24:57,600 We go into the bear pit. 1699 01:24:59,040 --> 01:25:00,000 Ron, don't. 1700 01:25:00,080 --> 01:25:01,800 ( yelling ) 1701 01:25:03,080 --> 01:25:05,200 ( grunts ) Oh! 1702 01:25:05,240 --> 01:25:07,280 ( growling ) 1703 01:25:07,320 --> 01:25:10,280 I immediately regret this decision. 1704 01:25:10,320 --> 01:25:12,840 What are you doing? Why didn't you get help? 1705 01:25:12,880 --> 01:25:15,280 Ron: These bears are massive! 1706 01:25:15,320 --> 01:25:17,960 They looked a lot smaller from up there. 1707 01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:20,840 Fan out. Let's go find Harken. 1708 01:25:20,880 --> 01:25:23,520 Stay calm. 1709 01:25:25,560 --> 01:25:28,880 It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla. 1710 01:25:28,920 --> 01:25:31,000 - Oh, Ron. - Yes, yes. 1711 01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:33,200 In case we die here today, 1712 01:25:33,240 --> 01:25:36,080 there's something that you should know. 1713 01:25:36,120 --> 01:25:39,160 That dirty trick with the Teleprompter, it wasn't-- 1714 01:25:39,200 --> 01:25:42,640 Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it? 1715 01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:45,080 It was Wes Mantooth. 1716 01:25:45,120 --> 01:25:48,040 - Oh, I should have known. - No, no. 1717 01:25:48,080 --> 01:25:50,400 - No, I did it. - You bitch! 1718 01:25:50,440 --> 01:25:53,520 - Shh! - ( bellowing ) 1719 01:25:54,720 --> 01:25:57,000 You woke the bears. Why did you do that? 1720 01:25:58,520 --> 01:26:00,080 ( screaming ) 1721 01:26:00,120 --> 01:26:03,720 There's somebody in the bear pit! 1722 01:26:03,760 --> 01:26:06,240 ( roaring ) 1723 01:26:06,280 --> 01:26:09,160 It took my impending death 1724 01:26:09,200 --> 01:26:11,840 for me to realize how much I need you. 1725 01:26:11,880 --> 01:26:14,240 Oh, Ron. 1726 01:26:17,520 --> 01:26:19,520 Those bears are gonna hurt them! 1727 01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:22,360 News team, let's hunt. 1728 01:26:23,800 --> 01:26:25,320 News team! 1729 01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:30,280 All: Bear fight! 1730 01:26:33,240 --> 01:26:35,800 Come on. Come on! 1731 01:26:38,640 --> 01:26:42,280 ( screaming ) 1732 01:26:42,320 --> 01:26:43,680 Damn! 1733 01:26:43,720 --> 01:26:45,720 Hit 'em in the uvula! 1734 01:26:46,720 --> 01:26:48,080 Hey, Ron! 1735 01:26:48,120 --> 01:26:50,080 I'm riding a furry tractor! 1736 01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:53,520 The bears have descended on the news team 1737 01:26:53,560 --> 01:26:55,160 and it's not going well. 1738 01:26:55,200 --> 01:26:58,240 Clearly, after today, I will no longer-- 1739 01:26:58,280 --> 01:27:00,920 Come on! Oh, God! 1740 01:27:00,960 --> 01:27:03,400 It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous! 1741 01:27:03,400 --> 01:27:05,040 ( growling ) 1742 01:27:05,080 --> 01:27:06,480 Oh, no. 1743 01:27:06,520 --> 01:27:09,600 We woke up the mama. 1744 01:27:09,640 --> 01:27:12,160 ( roaring ) 1745 01:27:12,200 --> 01:27:13,680 Oh, God! 1746 01:27:15,160 --> 01:27:17,600 I don't wanna die. 1747 01:27:17,640 --> 01:27:19,280 ( barking ) 1748 01:27:23,320 --> 01:27:27,480 - Ron: Baxter! - ( barking ) 1749 01:28:02,040 --> 01:28:03,640 ( onlookers gasping ) 1750 01:28:03,680 --> 01:28:05,680 ( cheering ) 1751 01:28:05,720 --> 01:28:08,200 Veronica: Look! They're following their mother! 1752 01:28:08,200 --> 01:28:09,560 Ron: It's instinct. 1753 01:28:09,600 --> 01:28:11,880 Oh, Baxter! 1754 01:28:11,920 --> 01:28:16,280 Oh! Oh, Baxter, you're still alive! 1755 01:28:16,320 --> 01:28:19,720 Oh, I'm so happy! 1756 01:28:19,760 --> 01:28:23,400 I'm so happy! You are alive! 1757 01:28:23,440 --> 01:28:26,040 I'm so happy! 1758 01:28:26,120 --> 01:28:29,280 ( crying ) 1759 01:28:32,400 --> 01:28:33,880 I will lick you! 1760 01:28:33,920 --> 01:28:37,000 I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy. 1761 01:28:37,040 --> 01:28:39,080 Oh. Ohhh! 1762 01:28:39,120 --> 01:28:42,200 Boy, he really likes that dog. 1763 01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:44,640 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1764 01:28:44,680 --> 01:28:47,080 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1765 01:28:47,120 --> 01:28:49,720 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1766 01:28:49,760 --> 01:28:52,040 Hi, Ron. 1767 01:28:52,080 --> 01:28:55,240 It's always a long fall from the top, isn't it? 1768 01:28:55,280 --> 01:28:56,680 Easy, Wes. 1769 01:28:56,680 --> 01:29:00,120 I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time. 1770 01:29:00,160 --> 01:29:02,520 - All right. - Deep down in my stomach, 1771 01:29:02,560 --> 01:29:04,240 with every inch of me, 1772 01:29:04,280 --> 01:29:07,080 I pure, straight 1773 01:29:07,120 --> 01:29:08,680 hate you! 1774 01:29:10,160 --> 01:29:12,560 ( onlookers gasp ) 1775 01:29:13,920 --> 01:29:16,280 But, God damn it, do I respect you! 1776 01:29:17,400 --> 01:29:19,400 ( onlookers sigh ) 1777 01:29:24,960 --> 01:29:27,960 ( cheering ) 1778 01:29:29,320 --> 01:29:30,800 Thank you, 1779 01:29:30,840 --> 01:29:32,320 brother. 1780 01:29:34,520 --> 01:29:37,760 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1781 01:29:37,800 --> 01:29:40,240 Today we spell redemption 1782 01:29:40,280 --> 01:29:42,280 R-O-N. 1783 01:29:42,320 --> 01:29:45,160 Burgundy! Burgundy! 1784 01:29:45,160 --> 01:29:47,000 Woman: Ron, you're my hero! 1785 01:29:47,040 --> 01:29:50,840 Ron, I think you've got a story to report. 1786 01:29:52,920 --> 01:29:54,400 Are you sure, Ed? 1787 01:29:55,440 --> 01:29:57,320 Do it. 1788 01:29:57,360 --> 01:29:59,960 It's the story you were born to tell. 1789 01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:07,480 San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em. 1790 01:30:07,520 --> 01:30:09,040 Make way! 1791 01:30:09,120 --> 01:30:12,120 Ron Burgundy's about to report on pandas! 1792 01:30:14,600 --> 01:30:16,160 Count me down. Three. 1793 01:30:16,200 --> 01:30:18,240 Scotty: You're live, Mr. Burgundy. 1794 01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:20,280 This is Ron Burgundy, 1795 01:30:20,320 --> 01:30:24,200 proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. 1796 01:30:24,200 --> 01:30:28,040 Today's story is one of the more remarkable things 1797 01:30:28,080 --> 01:30:31,200 ever to happen to San Diago 1798 01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:32,960 or even the world. 1799 01:30:33,000 --> 01:30:35,960 But in order to properly retell it, 1800 01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:38,320 I'm going to need some help 1801 01:30:38,360 --> 01:30:40,680 from my co-anchor, 1802 01:30:41,920 --> 01:30:43,960 Miss Veronica Corningstone. 1803 01:30:44,000 --> 01:30:46,080 ( onlookers cheering ) 1804 01:30:46,120 --> 01:30:48,800 - High-pressure system-- - No, no, no, no, Brick. 1805 01:30:48,840 --> 01:30:50,920 - High-pressure system-- - Go stand over there. 1806 01:30:50,960 --> 01:30:53,600 ( cheering, applause ) 1807 01:30:54,880 --> 01:30:56,280 Oh, Ron. 1808 01:30:56,320 --> 01:30:58,680 Ron, there are literally thousands of men 1809 01:30:58,720 --> 01:31:00,320 that I should be with instead, 1810 01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:03,440 but I am 72% sure that I love you. 1811 01:31:07,480 --> 01:31:10,640 ( cheering ) 1812 01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:13,880 Narrator: Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy. 1813 01:31:13,920 --> 01:31:16,600 Yes! Ron! 1814 01:31:16,640 --> 01:31:20,280 - As for the news team: - Stop it! Ron! 1815 01:31:20,320 --> 01:31:23,760 Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL, 1816 01:31:23,760 --> 01:31:26,320 but was later fired after being accused 1817 01:31:26,360 --> 01:31:30,040 of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw. 1818 01:31:30,080 --> 01:31:32,080 Excuse me. 1819 01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:34,680 Is that Sex Panther you're wearing? 1820 01:31:34,720 --> 01:31:36,960 ( howls ) 1821 01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:39,520 Brian Fantana went on to have great success 1822 01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:42,080 as the host of the hit reality TV show 1823 01:31:42,120 --> 01:31:44,960 "lntercourse lsland" on the Fox Network. 1824 01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:47,720 Anyone seen Brick? 1825 01:31:47,760 --> 01:31:49,760 - Brick? - Don't! That tickles! 1826 01:31:49,800 --> 01:31:53,000 No, that tickles me! Come on! 1827 01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:56,000 Brick Tamland is married with 1 1 children 1828 01:31:56,040 --> 01:31:58,280 and is one of the top political advisors 1829 01:31:58,320 --> 01:32:00,000 to the Bush White House. 1830 01:32:00,040 --> 01:32:02,760 I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you! 1831 01:32:02,800 --> 01:32:04,920 ( cheering continues ) 1832 01:32:13,280 --> 01:32:16,440 And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long. 1833 01:32:20,360 --> 01:32:22,480 I chose them as my replacement, 1834 01:32:22,520 --> 01:32:25,960 and they became the first mixed-gender network news team, 1835 01:32:26,000 --> 01:32:28,280 and they're still doing it today. 1836 01:32:28,320 --> 01:32:31,400 From all of us here at the World News Center, 1837 01:32:31,440 --> 01:32:33,160 I'm Veronica Corningstone. 1838 01:32:33,200 --> 01:32:35,040 And I'm Ron Burgundy. 1839 01:32:35,080 --> 01:32:37,720 You stay classy, planet Earth. 1840 01:32:41,000 --> 01:32:44,920 # Carry on, my wayward son # 1841 01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:49,000 # There'll be peace when you are done # 1842 01:32:49,040 --> 01:32:53,280 # Lay your weary head to rest # 1843 01:32:53,320 --> 01:32:55,440 # Don't you cry no more... # 1844 01:32:55,480 --> 01:32:58,720 Oh! Great Odin's raven! 1845 01:32:58,760 --> 01:33:02,240 Oh! By the hammer of Thor! 1846 01:33:02,280 --> 01:33:05,920 Oh! Saint Damien's beard! 1847 01:33:05,960 --> 01:33:08,480 Sweet grandmother's spatula! 1848 01:33:08,520 --> 01:33:11,320 Oh! Hot pot of coffee! 1849 01:33:11,360 --> 01:33:14,800 Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe! 1850 01:33:17,440 --> 01:33:20,320 I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. 1851 01:33:20,360 --> 01:33:22,320 In the back of the head. 1852 01:33:22,360 --> 01:33:24,840 - I'm sorry. - ( crew laughing ) 1853 01:33:26,360 --> 01:33:28,600 You're not very bright. You know that, right? 1854 01:33:28,640 --> 01:33:30,320 You're actually quite a dullard. 1855 01:33:30,360 --> 01:33:32,720 Everyone here knows it. 1856 01:33:32,760 --> 01:33:36,920 If I'm a dullard, you're the, uh, the dull-- 1857 01:33:36,960 --> 01:33:40,160 Oh! Can't think of anything to say, can you? 1858 01:33:40,200 --> 01:33:43,200 Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say. 1859 01:33:43,200 --> 01:33:45,280 Like, you're a dirty bitch. 1860 01:33:48,160 --> 01:33:50,520 Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison-- 1861 01:33:50,560 --> 01:33:52,600 ( laughs ) Oh, my God! 1862 01:33:52,640 --> 01:33:56,080 ( crew laughing ) 1863 01:33:57,080 --> 01:34:00,280 I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava. 1864 01:34:00,320 --> 01:34:02,720 I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation. 1865 01:34:02,760 --> 01:34:07,200 It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said. 1866 01:34:07,240 --> 01:34:08,800 My stomach's itchy. 1867 01:34:08,840 --> 01:34:10,040 I pooped a hammer. 1868 01:34:10,080 --> 01:34:12,240 I pooped a tape recorder. 1869 01:34:12,280 --> 01:34:14,320 I pooped a Cornish game hen. 1870 01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,880 Uh... 1871 01:34:18,920 --> 01:34:20,920 ( laughs ) Nope. 1872 01:34:21,960 --> 01:34:23,960 You do not take a tone with me, 1873 01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:27,240 'cause I will give you a rap right on the Jack Johnson! 1874 01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:28,760 - Okay. - Yes. 1875 01:34:28,800 --> 01:34:30,560 Now this is happenin'. 1876 01:34:30,600 --> 01:34:32,240 What are you doing? 1877 01:34:32,280 --> 01:34:34,360 - Hah! - What are you doing? 1878 01:34:34,400 --> 01:34:35,800 What are you-- 1879 01:34:40,760 --> 01:34:41,920 Action. 1880 01:34:41,960 --> 01:34:44,040 We'll go back to doing what I do best-- 1881 01:34:44,080 --> 01:34:46,840 I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off. 1882 01:34:46,880 --> 01:34:48,800 When do we get started? 1883 01:34:48,840 --> 01:34:50,560 When do we get started? 1884 01:34:50,600 --> 01:34:52,600 - That's my line. - When do we get started? 1885 01:34:52,640 --> 01:34:54,600 You say, "Whenever you like." 1886 01:34:54,640 --> 01:34:56,280 - Whenever you like. - ( laughs ) 1887 01:34:56,320 --> 01:34:58,360 Keep it rollin'. This is good stuff. 1888 01:34:59,400 --> 01:35:02,240 ...an area bank in a daring... 1889 01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:05,480 Probably not the same one. Probably not the same guy. 1890 01:35:13,280 --> 01:35:15,280 Ron: Brick, before I let you go, 1891 01:35:15,320 --> 01:35:17,880 are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer? 1892 01:35:17,920 --> 01:35:19,880 No, too many people died last year. 1893 01:35:19,920 --> 01:35:22,160 So we're not gonna do-- ( laughs ) 1894 01:35:22,200 --> 01:35:23,920 Sorry. Sorry. 1895 01:35:24,960 --> 01:35:28,240 They named it San Diego. 1896 01:35:28,280 --> 01:35:32,000 Which in German means, "a whale's vagina." 1897 01:35:32,040 --> 01:35:34,760 ( laughing ) 1898 01:35:38,600 --> 01:35:41,120 This is the most ridiculous thing ever. 1899 01:36:02,240 --> 01:36:05,840 # Carry on, my wayward son # 1900 01:36:05,880 --> 01:36:09,640 # There'll be peace when you are done # 1901 01:36:09,680 --> 01:36:13,360 # Lay your weary head to rest # 1902 01:36:13,400 --> 01:36:14,480 # Don't you cry # 1903 01:36:14,520 --> 01:36:17,520 # Don't you cry no more # 1904 01:36:32,720 --> 01:36:34,680 ( all laughing ) 1905 01:36:34,720 --> 01:36:36,960 Way to handle him. That was nice. 1906 01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:38,840 It sure is good to be number one. 1907 01:36:38,880 --> 01:36:41,560 It sure beats the hell out of number two. 1908 01:36:42,960 --> 01:36:45,320 We are laughing! 1909 01:36:45,360 --> 01:36:47,720 And we are very good friends. 1910 01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:50,720 Good buddies sharing a special moment. 1911 01:36:50,760 --> 01:36:53,560 Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it happen. 1912 01:36:53,600 --> 01:36:56,640 We're laughing, enjoying our friendship. 1913 01:36:56,680 --> 01:37:00,160 And someday we'll look back on this with much fondness. 1914 01:37:01,240 --> 01:37:04,360 Yeah. ( sighs ) 1915 01:37:04,400 --> 01:37:05,920 ( laughs ) 1916 01:37:07,640 --> 01:37:09,000 Yeah.