1 00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:05,526 [ Vocalizing ] 2 00:02:41,225 --> 00:02:42,954 [ Tires Screeching ] 3 00:02:58,443 --> 00:03:01,003 [ Chattering, Laughing ] 4 00:03:01,079 --> 00:03:04,879 [ Man On P.A. System ] The seminar will begin in five minutes. 5 00:03:04,949 --> 00:03:07,747 It will be in room "C." 6 00:03:07,819 --> 00:03:11,550 [ Man ] So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat? 7 00:03:11,622 --> 00:03:14,989 I don't know. I love Chow Yun Fat. 8 00:03:15,059 --> 00:03:17,254 - I just don't see him playing Madman. - Awesome. 9 00:03:17,328 --> 00:03:19,728 Thank you. 10 00:03:19,797 --> 00:03:22,425 [ Chattering ] 11 00:03:25,103 --> 00:03:29,369 Could you sign it: "To a really big fan"? 12 00:03:31,209 --> 00:03:33,177 Uh, you bet. 13 00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:35,735 I love this book, man. This shit is awesome! 14 00:03:35,813 --> 00:03:37,747 I wish I was like these guys. Gettin' stoned, 15 00:03:37,815 --> 00:03:41,376 talkin' all raw about chicks and fightin' supervillains! 16 00:03:41,452 --> 00:03:45,388 I love these guys! You know what. They're like Bill and Ted... 17 00:03:45,456 --> 00:03:47,549 meet Cheech and Chong! 18 00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:49,752 Yeah. I kind of like to think of them... 19 00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:52,387 as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladimir and Estragon. 20 00:03:52,463 --> 00:03:55,398 Yes! Who? 21 00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:59,896 So, do you, like, draw this or something? 22 00:03:59,971 --> 00:04:02,667 [ Sighs ] 23 00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:05,368 I ink it, and I'm also the colorist. The guy next to me draws it. 24 00:04:05,443 --> 00:04:07,911 But we both came up with the characters. Next! 25 00:04:07,979 --> 00:04:09,412 What does that mean, you "ink it"? 26 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,313 Well, it means that Holden draws the pictures in pencil. 27 00:04:12,383 --> 00:04:15,284 And then he gives it to me to go over in ink. Next! 28 00:04:15,353 --> 00:04:17,583 So, basically, you just trace. 29 00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:21,955 It's, uh, it's not tracing, all right? 30 00:04:22,026 --> 00:04:24,927 I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. 31 00:04:24,996 --> 00:04:27,829 Only then does the drawing truly take shape. 32 00:04:27,899 --> 00:04:33,166 No, no, no. You go over what he draws with a pen, all right? That's tracing. 33 00:04:33,237 --> 00:04:36,104 Not really. Next. 34 00:04:38,209 --> 00:04:41,042 Hey, man, let me ask you somethin'. 35 00:04:41,112 --> 00:04:44,479 Somebody draws something and then you draw the exact same thing, 36 00:04:44,549 --> 00:04:48,110 like, right on top of it without going outside the original designated art. 37 00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:50,154 What do you call that? 38 00:04:50,221 --> 00:04:52,815 - I don't know, man. Tracing? - See? 39 00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:54,414 You want your book signed or what? 40 00:04:54,492 --> 00:04:56,619 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 41 00:04:56,694 --> 00:05:00,960 Don't get all testy just because you got a problem with your station in life. 42 00:05:01,032 --> 00:05:02,363 Oh, I'm secure with what I do. 43 00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:05,527 Then just say it. You're a tracer. 44 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:06,831 How should I sign this? 45 00:05:06,904 --> 00:05:08,838 I don't want you to sign it, man. 46 00:05:08,906 --> 00:05:11,170 I want the guy who draws Bluntman & Chronic to sign it. 47 00:05:11,242 --> 00:05:14,837 - You're just the tracer. - Tell him, little shaver. 48 00:05:14,912 --> 00:05:18,814 - Who do I sign it to? - [ Crashing ] 49 00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:21,283 [ Shouting Indistinctly ] You fuckin' tracer! 50 00:05:21,352 --> 00:05:25,152 I'll trace a chalk line around your dead fuckin' body, you fuck! 51 00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:27,157 Would you get him outta here? 52 00:05:27,225 --> 00:05:31,924 Hey, wait a second! He jumped me! You fuckin' tracer! 53 00:05:31,996 --> 00:05:34,260 Your mother's a tracer! 54 00:05:34,332 --> 00:05:36,300 Can I explain the audience principle to you? 55 00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,301 If you assault and accost them, then we have no audience. 56 00:05:38,369 --> 00:05:42,032 He started it, fuckin' cock-knocker! 57 00:05:42,106 --> 00:05:46,167 He's lucky I didn't put my pen through his thorax! 58 00:05:46,244 --> 00:05:50,180 Need I remind you? Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay? 59 00:05:50,248 --> 00:05:53,513 [ Man On P.A. ] The Word's Up: Minority Voices in Comics panel discussion... 60 00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:56,747 - All right. - is about to begin in room "F." 61 00:05:56,921 --> 00:06:00,687 For years in this industry... 62 00:06:00,758 --> 00:06:03,852 whenever an African-American character, hero or villain, 63 00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:08,194 was introduced, usually, by white artists and writers, 64 00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:11,326 they got slapped with racist names... 65 00:06:11,402 --> 00:06:13,836 that singled them out as Negroes. 66 00:06:16,307 --> 00:06:19,208 Now, my book-- 67 00:06:19,277 --> 00:06:22,212 White Hatin' Coon-- 68 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,373 don't have none of that bullshit. 69 00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:27,474 The hero's name is Maleekwa, a descendant from the black tribe... 70 00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:30,544 that established the first society on the planet, 71 00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:33,681 while you European motherfuckers were still hidin' in caves and shit, 72 00:06:33,758 --> 00:06:36,124 all terrified of the sun. 73 00:06:36,193 --> 00:06:40,926 He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to, 74 00:06:40,998 --> 00:06:45,492 'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens is comin' home to roost, y'all. 75 00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:49,734 The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in comics and sci-fi fantasy. 76 00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:54,710 We keepin' it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary. 77 00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:58,146 Ah, come on! That's a bunch of horseshit! 78 00:06:58,215 --> 00:07:00,945 Lando Calrissian was a black guy, you know. 79 00:07:01,018 --> 00:07:03,452 He got to fly the Millennium Falcon. What's the matter with you? 80 00:07:03,521 --> 00:07:06,149 - Who said that? - I did. 81 00:07:06,223 --> 00:07:10,557 Lando Calrissian is a positive role model in science-fiction fantasy. 82 00:07:10,628 --> 00:07:13,654 Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom nigger! 83 00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:16,791 Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. 84 00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:22,203 Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down... 85 00:07:22,273 --> 00:07:25,299 even in a galaxy far, far away. 86 00:07:25,376 --> 00:07:29,278 Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker-- 87 00:07:29,347 --> 00:07:31,338 Nazi poster boy-- blond hair, blue eyes-- 88 00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:33,349 and then you got Darth Vader. 89 00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:36,011 The blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian guy. 90 00:07:36,087 --> 00:07:39,682 - What's a Nubian? - Shut the fuck up! 91 00:07:41,859 --> 00:07:45,192 Now, Vader, he's a spiritual brother, you know. 92 00:07:45,262 --> 00:07:47,492 Down with the force and all that good shit. 93 00:07:47,565 --> 00:07:50,830 Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber, 94 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:53,233 and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe. 95 00:07:53,304 --> 00:07:56,205 Gets a whole Klan of whites together. 96 00:07:56,273 --> 00:07:59,333 And they gonna bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. 97 00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:01,344 Now, what the fuck do you call that? 98 00:08:01,412 --> 00:08:04,711 - Intergalactic civil war? - Gentrification! 99 00:08:06,584 --> 00:08:10,213 They gonna drive out the black element... 100 00:08:10,287 --> 00:08:13,381 to make the galaxy "safe" for white folks. 101 00:08:13,457 --> 00:08:17,086 And Jedi's the most insulting installment! 102 00:08:17,161 --> 00:08:20,756 Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied... 103 00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:25,928 when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man. 104 00:08:26,003 --> 00:08:30,531 They're tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white! 105 00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,204 Well, isn't that true? 106 00:08:37,948 --> 00:08:39,882 - [ Audience Screaming ] - [ Microphone Whining ] 107 00:08:43,654 --> 00:08:44,848 - Black rage! - [ Gunshot ] 108 00:08:44,922 --> 00:08:47,049 Black rage! I'll kill any white folks... 109 00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:51,720 I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on! 110 00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:19,917 "What's a Nubian?" Bitch, you almost made me laugh. 111 00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:22,720 Man, what about you? You didn't tell me you were gonna scream, "Black rage!" 112 00:09:22,793 --> 00:09:24,727 I nearly pissed myself. 113 00:09:24,795 --> 00:09:26,729 How do you manage to get away with this all the time? 114 00:09:26,797 --> 00:09:29,357 I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now? 115 00:09:29,433 --> 00:09:33,301 - Wrong coast. - Well, this here, she full of blanks. 116 00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:38,808 And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts of legal clearances before I go on. 117 00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:40,935 So your publisher actually condones these theatrics? 118 00:09:41,011 --> 00:09:45,448 Condones? Honey, they insist. I need to sell the image to sell the book. 119 00:09:45,516 --> 00:09:47,711 Would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle... 120 00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:51,619 if they found out the book was written by a, a--you know. 121 00:09:51,689 --> 00:09:54,214 - Faggot? - When you say it, it sounds so sexy. 122 00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:59,319 Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim, but not your catcher, all right? 123 00:09:59,396 --> 00:10:02,923 Hooper, how come you sound like Minister Farrakhan when you're onstage... 124 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,992 and the king of pop when you're not? 125 00:10:06,070 --> 00:10:08,004 Look out, boys! This kitten has a whip! 126 00:10:08,072 --> 00:10:10,006 [ Alyssa ] Always before I get to speak, you dick. 127 00:10:10,074 --> 00:10:12,133 - [ Laughs ] - I swear! Jesus! 128 00:10:12,209 --> 00:10:15,076 The next con I attend, and they ask me to be on the minority panel, 129 00:10:15,146 --> 00:10:18,980 if I see your name anywhere near that list, I'm passing! 130 00:10:19,049 --> 00:10:23,145 Holden, Banky, this pile of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones. 131 00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:25,188 She does that book, Idiosyncratic Routine. 132 00:10:25,256 --> 00:10:31,092 Oh, I've read your book. It's cute. Chick stuff, but cute. What? 133 00:10:31,162 --> 00:10:33,545 Sorry about him. He's, uh, he's dealing with being an inker. 134 00:10:33,678 --> 00:10:36,169 Oh. You trace. 135 00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:41,618 I really like your book. I'm surprised we never met at any other cons before. 136 00:10:41,686 --> 00:10:44,211 Yeah, well, lose the dick or change the skin tone, 137 00:10:44,289 --> 00:10:47,281 and we can get to know each other on panel after panel. 138 00:10:47,359 --> 00:10:51,728 These boys do Bluntman & Chronic, which outsells both of our books put together. 139 00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:55,232 Hence, they're never on the panel with the likes of us. 140 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:56,995 They slummin' it right now. 141 00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:00,363 I promised Alyssa I'd buy her a post-rave drink. 142 00:11:00,438 --> 00:11:02,736 Do the Garden Staters have to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel, 143 00:11:02,807 --> 00:11:05,605 or can you stay for a round in the big, scary city? 144 00:11:05,677 --> 00:11:07,770 - We're gonna go-- - We'll take-- 145 00:11:10,382 --> 00:11:13,044 [ Sighs ] We'll go. 146 00:11:15,787 --> 00:11:17,721 [ Banky ] Archie. All right? 147 00:11:17,789 --> 00:11:21,350 Archie and the Riverdale gang were a pure and fun-lovin' bunch. 148 00:11:21,426 --> 00:11:25,328 You can't find dysfunction in those comics. They were flat-out wholesome. 149 00:11:25,397 --> 00:11:28,230 - Archie and Jughead were lovers. - Shut the fuck up! 150 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:32,600 It's true. Archie was the bitch, and Jughead was the butch. 151 00:11:32,671 --> 00:11:36,198 That's why Jughead wears that crown-lookin' hat all the time. 152 00:11:36,274 --> 00:11:39,334 He the king of Queen Archie's world. 153 00:11:39,411 --> 00:11:41,345 Man, I feel a hate crime comin' on. 154 00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:43,745 Well, you know, he does have a point. 155 00:11:43,815 --> 00:11:45,908 I mean, Archie never did quite settle on Betty or Veronica. 156 00:11:45,984 --> 00:11:49,010 'Cause he wanted them both at the same time, you assholes! 157 00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:52,454 He didn't choose one, because he was trying to get them into a three-way. 158 00:11:52,524 --> 00:11:55,891 - Here. - What? 159 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,919 I want you to go down to the corner store and buy yourself a clue. 160 00:11:59,998 --> 00:12:02,398 - Go on. - Eat it, Urkel. 161 00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:05,561 Uh! I done told you to watch it with that Urkel shit. 162 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:08,697 Face it, girl. Archie's a sister. 163 00:12:11,443 --> 00:12:15,573 - That's it. You! - Moi? 164 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:19,515 Yeah, you. You are marching back across the street with me, 165 00:12:19,584 --> 00:12:22,280 and we're gonna pick up a shitload of Archie books. 166 00:12:22,354 --> 00:12:25,255 And I'm going to prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt... 167 00:12:25,323 --> 00:12:27,848 that Archie is all about pussy. 168 00:12:27,926 --> 00:12:29,826 - Come on! - [ Laughs ] 169 00:12:29,894 --> 00:12:32,158 This boy is conflicted. 170 00:12:33,631 --> 00:12:36,122 I shall play mother therapist for him. 171 00:12:36,201 --> 00:12:39,432 You two sit tight. We shall return promptly. 172 00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:45,174 Is he always like that? 173 00:12:45,243 --> 00:12:48,508 Who, him? Yeah. Ever since the third grade. 174 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:51,572 This, uh, this nun was teaching us about the Blessed Trinity, you know? 175 00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:54,675 She was going on and on about the three persons in one God thing. 176 00:12:54,753 --> 00:12:56,778 Father, Son, the Holy Spirit. 177 00:12:56,855 --> 00:13:00,518 Banky just goes ballistic on her. They got in this huge fight. 178 00:13:00,592 --> 00:13:04,187 An eight-year-old kid? How bad could it have been? 179 00:13:04,262 --> 00:13:07,288 Well, have you ever seen a nun call a small child a "fucking cunt-rag"? 180 00:13:07,365 --> 00:13:10,357 It wasn't pretty. Shit like that's bound to happen... 181 00:13:10,435 --> 00:13:13,404 when you make a kid wear a matching tie and slacks every day. 182 00:13:13,471 --> 00:13:17,840 Right. And your parochial school misadventures? 183 00:13:17,909 --> 00:13:21,675 Oh, mostly limited to wine-tasting prior to mass. 184 00:13:21,746 --> 00:13:24,271 Turned me into a grade school alcoholic altar boy though. 185 00:13:24,349 --> 00:13:26,476 Can't tell you how many mornings after serious benders... 186 00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:28,917 I'd wake up next to strange priests. 187 00:13:28,987 --> 00:13:31,820 - Aren't you the sharp wit? - Sharp? No. 188 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,882 I'm just a fan of clergy-molestation humor. 189 00:13:34,959 --> 00:13:39,987 Probably why the extended family quit inviting me to first communion parties. 190 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:44,793 - Tsk. - You play darts? 191 00:13:44,869 --> 00:13:49,465 Uh, not professionally. You know, only in bars. 192 00:13:49,541 --> 00:13:51,736 [ Alyssa ] I don't know. 193 00:13:51,810 --> 00:13:55,803 Maybe I should just sign one of those exclusive deals like you guys. 194 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,814 Your new book seems to be selling like mad. 195 00:13:57,882 --> 00:14:02,615 Well, it all goes back to somethin' my grandmother told me when I was a kid. 196 00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:06,987 "Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in dick and fart jokes." 197 00:14:07,058 --> 00:14:09,390 - She was a churchgoer. - Oh! 198 00:14:09,461 --> 00:14:13,454 The cry from the heart of a real artist trapped in commercial hell, 199 00:14:13,531 --> 00:14:15,965 pitying his good fortune. 200 00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:19,401 I'm sure you can dry your eyes on all those fat checks you rake in. 201 00:14:19,471 --> 00:14:23,567 Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I detect a note of bitter envy in there? 202 00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:26,508 No, I'm happy my stuff gets read at all. 203 00:14:26,578 --> 00:14:28,773 There's very little market for hearts and flowers... 204 00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:32,977 in this spandex-clad, big pecs, big tits, big guns field. 205 00:14:33,051 --> 00:14:36,145 If I sell two issues, I feel like John Grisham. 206 00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:38,189 Well, it's all about marketing. 207 00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:43,284 Over- or under-weight guys that don't get laid. They're our bread and butter. 208 00:14:43,361 --> 00:14:46,592 People like those two outside should be yours. 209 00:14:46,664 --> 00:14:49,599 And sadly, there are more of our core audience. 210 00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:53,262 Kind of gives you a charge though. See two people like that in love. 211 00:14:53,338 --> 00:14:55,636 And all over Banky's car, no less. 212 00:14:55,707 --> 00:14:58,403 You know, that car's seeing more action right now than it's seen in years. 213 00:14:58,476 --> 00:15:03,140 - Bubbly guy like that? It's hard to figure out why. - Yeah. 214 00:15:03,214 --> 00:15:06,342 You gotta respect that kind of display of affection. You know what I mean? 215 00:15:06,417 --> 00:15:08,977 Sure, it's crazy. It's rude. It's self-absorbed. 216 00:15:09,053 --> 00:15:12,284 But, uh, you know, it's love. 217 00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:15,326 - It's not love. - Oh, says you. 218 00:15:15,393 --> 00:15:18,385 That out there? That's fleeting. 219 00:15:18,463 --> 00:15:21,591 - Fleeting? - Mm-hmm. Well, I gotta split. 220 00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:25,295 It was really nice meeting you. Good luck with your book. 221 00:15:25,370 --> 00:15:30,205 Tell Hooper I'll call him later. And... tell your friend to calm down. 222 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,314 [ Hooper ] Shut up already. 223 00:15:38,383 --> 00:15:41,113 You shut up! You're insane. 224 00:15:41,185 --> 00:15:43,949 Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee! 225 00:15:44,022 --> 00:15:47,480 Deny, deny, deny. 226 00:15:47,559 --> 00:15:51,552 - Where's Alyssa? - She left, said she'd call you later. 227 00:15:51,629 --> 00:15:54,291 Look, he's just offering to help Archie with his fuckin' homework! 228 00:15:54,365 --> 00:15:56,663 Read between the lines, bitch. 229 00:15:56,734 --> 00:16:00,033 Fuck this. Let's go. Traffic. 230 00:16:00,104 --> 00:16:02,664 - Holden! - What? 231 00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:06,836 - Let's go! - See that dent in the hood of your car? 232 00:16:06,911 --> 00:16:08,708 Son of a bitch! 233 00:16:13,151 --> 00:16:16,211 Let me guess. You like her. 234 00:16:16,287 --> 00:16:18,687 - Who? - Miss Alyssa Jones. 235 00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:25,256 - She's all right. - As long as that's all. 236 00:16:25,396 --> 00:16:27,694 [ Rap, Indistinct ] 237 00:16:49,754 --> 00:16:52,689 This is one of the best streetlights you've ever drawn. 238 00:16:52,757 --> 00:16:54,884 It's the one from across the street from the post office. 239 00:16:54,959 --> 00:16:57,723 - Looks just like it. - Thanks. 240 00:16:57,795 --> 00:17:01,231 So, uh, what do you want to do tonight? 241 00:17:01,299 --> 00:17:04,700 I don't know. Get a pizza. Watch Degrassi Junior High. 242 00:17:04,769 --> 00:17:07,499 You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama. 243 00:17:07,572 --> 00:17:10,200 I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot." 244 00:17:10,274 --> 00:17:14,506 - [ Phone Rings, Beeps ] - Bank Holdup. 245 00:17:14,579 --> 00:17:19,778 Hooper here. Listen, I know how you 'burb fiends hate the city, 246 00:17:19,851 --> 00:17:23,252 but there's a club shindig goin' down tonight I think you'd really get into. 247 00:17:23,321 --> 00:17:27,155 - Where is it? - Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep. 248 00:17:27,225 --> 00:17:30,388 Oh, I don't know, Hoop. 249 00:17:30,461 --> 00:17:33,294 We're prepping the next issue. We got that stupid meeting in the morning. 250 00:17:33,364 --> 00:17:36,299 - I told her you wouldn't be interested. - Told who? 251 00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:39,331 Alyssa. 252 00:17:39,404 --> 00:17:41,372 Alyssa from last night Alyssa? 253 00:17:41,439 --> 00:17:43,771 How do you begin and end a question with the same word like that? 254 00:17:43,841 --> 00:17:46,776 You got skill. Yes, that one! 255 00:17:46,844 --> 00:17:49,278 She asked me to invite you. Now, here's the part where you say-- 256 00:17:49,347 --> 00:17:54,717 - I'll be there. - Thought so. 10:00. Later. 257 00:17:54,786 --> 00:18:00,019 - Who was that? - Hooper. He invited me to a club. 258 00:18:00,091 --> 00:18:03,720 Man, when's that faggot gonna learn? You like chicks. 259 00:18:03,795 --> 00:18:06,855 - Not that kind of club. - So when we leavin'? 260 00:18:06,931 --> 00:18:11,061 We? You can't go. He's hookin' me up with Alyssa. 261 00:18:11,135 --> 00:18:14,536 - And? - And I don't want you messing it up. 262 00:18:14,605 --> 00:18:17,972 I care about your shit. Maybe I'll hook up myself. 263 00:18:18,042 --> 00:18:20,340 I told you. It's not that kind of club. 264 00:18:21,446 --> 00:18:24,506 How does one man get to be so funny? 265 00:18:24,582 --> 00:18:28,985 Look, how you gonna get home when I hook up, huh? 266 00:18:29,053 --> 00:18:33,456 - Like that'll happen. - Let me explain, my witless chum. 267 00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:35,856 The other night, we two, Alyssa and I, 268 00:18:35,927 --> 00:18:38,361 we, uh, well, we shared a moment. 269 00:18:38,429 --> 00:18:41,694 - Oh, you had a moment. - No. 270 00:18:41,766 --> 00:18:44,496 We shared a moment, all right? 271 00:18:44,569 --> 00:18:50,007 And in that moment, one thing was made abundantly clear. 272 00:18:50,074 --> 00:18:53,510 This girl loves me, my friend. 273 00:18:53,578 --> 00:18:57,309 Loves me. You know what I'm sayin'? 274 00:18:57,381 --> 00:18:59,872 [ Humming ] Ah, who's your daddy now 275 00:18:59,951 --> 00:19:02,215 Come on. Mmm. [ Humming ] 276 00:19:02,286 --> 00:19:04,220 - Ah - Shut up! 277 00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:08,088 It's your birthday It's your birthday 278 00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:12,595 Go, Sheila, it's your birthday Go, Sheila, it's your birthday 279 00:19:12,663 --> 00:19:15,928 All right. Bring on the free hootch. 280 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,595 Free? I didn't invite your tired ass. So, where's your better half? 281 00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:22,764 Takin' a piss. The guy's got a bladder like an infant. 282 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,638 That's funny. He says you're hung like an infant. 283 00:19:25,710 --> 00:19:28,406 Does his mother tell him everything? 284 00:19:28,479 --> 00:19:31,209 - Hey! - What'd you do, fall in love? 285 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:33,302 - Where is she? - Over there. 286 00:19:33,435 --> 00:19:38,463 Look at her in her net shirt. Been dancin' for an hour. Hasn't stopped yet. 287 00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:41,532 She ain't no Deney Terrio, I'll say that. 288 00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:45,546 Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday, call my mother. All right? 289 00:19:45,614 --> 00:19:49,277 Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's somethin' you should know. 290 00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:52,013 - She got a boyfriend? - Well, no. 291 00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:56,387 Then what's to know, my friend? [ Grunts ] What's to know? 292 00:19:56,458 --> 00:19:59,188 [ Rap, Indistinct ] 293 00:20:05,768 --> 00:20:08,635 Hey, lady! You fucked up my cabbage patch! 294 00:20:08,704 --> 00:20:13,232 Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman himself, or should I call you Chronic? 295 00:20:13,308 --> 00:20:17,438 Call me flattered. I heard you sent me the invite to this little soiree. 296 00:20:17,513 --> 00:20:21,176 From a former hometown girl to Mr. Hometown himself. 297 00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,878 - You're saying you're from the 'burbs? - Middletown, New Jersey 298 00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:27,251 - Get outta here! I'm from Highlands! - I know. Hooper told me. 299 00:20:27,322 --> 00:20:29,256 How is it that we never ran into one another? 300 00:20:29,324 --> 00:20:31,258 - Did you graduate from Hudson? - Yeah, '88. 301 00:20:31,326 --> 00:20:34,386 - I went to North. - What a small fuckin' world. 302 00:20:34,463 --> 00:20:36,761 - So you know the tri-town area? - Quiz me. 303 00:20:36,832 --> 00:20:38,823 - Miller Hill? - I wrote my name on the wall. 304 00:20:38,901 --> 00:20:41,563 - Sandy Hook? - Lost my virginity there. 305 00:20:41,637 --> 00:20:44,970 - This is so cool. The mall? - Eton preppy or Menlo Park? 306 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,305 Oh, no. Here's the big test. Quick Stop? 307 00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:51,278 My best friend fucked a dead guy in the bathroom. 308 00:20:51,346 --> 00:20:54,440 - You know that girl? - I did, before she was committed. 309 00:20:57,186 --> 00:21:00,485 There's a lot of chicks in this place. 310 00:21:00,556 --> 00:21:04,617 Chicks? You're such a man. 311 00:21:04,693 --> 00:21:07,662 You know what this is? This is fate. 312 00:21:07,729 --> 00:21:11,893 No, this is "The Rog." [ Laughs ] 313 00:21:11,967 --> 00:21:14,527 I'm talking about us meeting. What are the chances? 314 00:21:14,603 --> 00:21:18,300 Pretty slim. I haven't been back to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral. 315 00:21:18,373 --> 00:21:21,274 - The Quick Stop girl died? - Uh-uh. Another girl. 316 00:21:21,343 --> 00:21:23,903 - Julie Dwyer. She died in the-- - The YMCA pool! Damn! 317 00:21:23,979 --> 00:21:26,243 - You knew her too? - So well. 318 00:21:26,315 --> 00:21:29,716 Wow! One friend in the asylum, the other friend in the grave. 319 00:21:29,785 --> 00:21:32,720 - You're a dangerous person to know. - Ah, but I can tap. 320 00:21:32,788 --> 00:21:34,779 [ Shoes Tapping ] 321 00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:37,724 - That's the Buffalo two-step. - Yeah, well, it's very solid. 322 00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:40,660 That's what six years of tap lessons yields. 323 00:21:40,729 --> 00:21:44,062 Two towns away from each other for years, we had to meet in New York. 324 00:21:44,133 --> 00:21:47,660 Could have been worse. Could have not met at all. 325 00:21:47,736 --> 00:21:49,931 [ Cheering, Applause ] 326 00:21:53,275 --> 00:21:56,142 Okay, we're back. 327 00:21:56,211 --> 00:21:58,304 Thank you. Thank you. 328 00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:01,406 So, a long time ago, we used to have this bass player, 329 00:22:01,483 --> 00:22:04,816 who took off one day to draw funny books or something. 330 00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:07,981 Maybe you've heard of her stuff? Idiosyncratic Routine? 331 00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:13,724 But what a lot of people don't know... 332 00:22:13,795 --> 00:22:16,730 is that she used to harbor these delusions that she could sing, 333 00:22:16,798 --> 00:22:20,825 and she used to subject us to throaty renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes. 334 00:22:20,903 --> 00:22:23,201 [ Crowd Laughing ] 335 00:22:23,272 --> 00:22:26,799 So, she's here tonight, and I think if we all beg her... 336 00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,537 or maybe offer her some "X," 337 00:22:29,611 --> 00:22:32,171 she'll come up here and treat us to some of her vocal stylings. 338 00:22:32,247 --> 00:22:34,181 What do ya say, Alyssa? 339 00:22:34,249 --> 00:22:37,218 - Yeah! - [ Crowd Cheering ] 340 00:22:37,286 --> 00:22:40,915 Oh, she's shy! 341 00:22:40,989 --> 00:22:43,856 Get up here and sing, bitch! 342 00:22:43,926 --> 00:22:47,726 All right! Go. Go up there. 343 00:22:47,796 --> 00:22:49,730 Whoo! 344 00:22:49,798 --> 00:22:54,098 Whoo! Yea! [ Laughs ] 345 00:22:54,169 --> 00:22:58,697 What am I doing here? This is so fucking gay. 346 00:23:02,411 --> 00:23:06,279 She is such a cunt. 347 00:23:06,348 --> 00:23:10,284 You guys know the one I wanna do, right? 348 00:23:10,352 --> 00:23:13,480 All right. I should dedicate this, right? 349 00:23:15,224 --> 00:23:19,558 This is for that someone special out there. 350 00:23:19,628 --> 00:23:22,062 Ready? 351 00:23:22,130 --> 00:23:26,760 I'm feelin' awful 352 00:23:26,835 --> 00:23:30,202 But all alone 353 00:23:30,272 --> 00:23:34,766 Just missin' someone 354 00:23:34,843 --> 00:23:38,574 I don't even know 355 00:23:38,647 --> 00:23:42,276 But until I find him 356 00:23:42,351 --> 00:23:46,253 I'll wait patiently 357 00:23:46,321 --> 00:23:51,088 Just feelin' nothin' 358 00:23:51,159 --> 00:23:53,957 Inside of me 359 00:23:54,029 --> 00:23:57,931 And where are you, baby 360 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,935 Where can you be 361 00:24:01,003 --> 00:24:05,736 Why aren't you here 362 00:24:05,807 --> 00:24:08,833 Lovin' me 363 00:24:08,910 --> 00:24:12,607 'Cause I want to kiss you 364 00:24:12,681 --> 00:24:16,708 And make you feel right 365 00:24:16,785 --> 00:24:20,312 I want to lay with you 366 00:24:20,389 --> 00:24:23,654 All through the night 367 00:24:23,725 --> 00:24:27,491 And I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain 368 00:24:27,562 --> 00:24:31,123 I wanna weep at the sound of your name 369 00:24:31,199 --> 00:24:34,691 Come make me laugh or come make me cry 370 00:24:34,770 --> 00:24:41,676 Just make me feel alive 371 00:24:41,743 --> 00:24:45,440 And so I'll wait 372 00:24:45,514 --> 00:24:49,075 For that glorious day 373 00:24:49,151 --> 00:24:52,314 When the one I dream of 374 00:24:52,387 --> 00:24:56,881 Comes my way 375 00:24:56,958 --> 00:25:00,450 And when our lips touch 376 00:25:00,529 --> 00:25:04,295 So tenderly 377 00:25:04,366 --> 00:25:08,632 I know I'll feel somethin' 378 00:25:08,704 --> 00:25:14,472 Inside of me 379 00:25:14,543 --> 00:25:18,809 I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain 380 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,407 I wanna weep at the sound of your name 381 00:25:22,484 --> 00:25:25,851 Come make me laugh or come make me cry 382 00:25:25,921 --> 00:25:30,153 Just make me feel 383 00:25:30,225 --> 00:25:33,524 Alive 384 00:25:36,231 --> 00:25:39,223 Yeah! Whoo! 385 00:25:42,571 --> 00:25:45,540 Whoo! 386 00:25:50,812 --> 00:25:54,339 [ Band Resumes ] 387 00:26:30,986 --> 00:26:32,920 Hot! 388 00:26:37,058 --> 00:26:41,859 Now, that, my friend, is a shared moment. 389 00:26:57,921 --> 00:26:59,684 - What? - It's rude. 390 00:26:59,757 --> 00:27:03,454 When are we gonna get a chance to see this shit live without payin' for it? 391 00:27:05,262 --> 00:27:09,961 - Sorry. It's just new to him. - Oh, and you're an old hand at this? 392 00:27:10,033 --> 00:27:15,096 No, no, I should apologize. I don't normally get all mushy in public, 393 00:27:15,172 --> 00:27:18,198 but it's been a while since I've seen Kim here. 394 00:27:18,275 --> 00:27:20,641 You know what? I wanna dance. 395 00:27:20,711 --> 00:27:23,043 Go ahead. I'll watch from here. 396 00:27:23,113 --> 00:27:25,775 No! I wanna dance with you! 397 00:27:25,849 --> 00:27:30,309 Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and work up the desire to fuck you later. 398 00:27:32,055 --> 00:27:34,819 Please! 399 00:27:39,730 --> 00:27:40,662 Yes? 400 00:27:40,731 --> 00:27:43,063 You said "fuck." She said "fuck." 401 00:27:43,133 --> 00:27:45,465 You said "fuck" to that girl. You said that you'd fuck her. 402 00:27:45,536 --> 00:27:48,266 - And? - How can a girl fuck another girl? 403 00:27:48,338 --> 00:27:50,272 Were you talking about strap-ons or something? 404 00:27:50,340 --> 00:27:52,274 - Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up? - What? 405 00:27:52,342 --> 00:27:53,741 It's okay. 406 00:27:53,811 --> 00:27:56,609 I don't know how many times I can apologize for him. 407 00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,241 No, Banky, I've never used a strap-on. 408 00:28:00,317 --> 00:28:02,251 Then what's with saying "fuck"? 409 00:28:02,319 --> 00:28:06,949 Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or modify the term "fuck" with "fist"? 410 00:28:07,024 --> 00:28:11,188 Let me ask you a question. Can men fuck each other? 411 00:28:11,261 --> 00:28:15,254 - You asking for my permission? - In your estimation. 412 00:28:15,332 --> 00:28:17,357 Sure. 413 00:28:17,434 --> 00:28:20,892 So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. 414 00:28:20,971 --> 00:28:23,872 You're used to the more traditional definition. 415 00:28:23,941 --> 00:28:27,638 You, inside some girl you've duped, jackhammerin' away, 416 00:28:27,711 --> 00:28:29,679 not noticing that bored look in her eyes. 417 00:28:29,746 --> 00:28:34,342 Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, all right? 418 00:28:34,418 --> 00:28:37,876 Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky. 419 00:28:37,955 --> 00:28:42,392 For me, it describes any sex when it's not totally about love. 420 00:28:42,459 --> 00:28:45,360 I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her. 421 00:28:45,429 --> 00:28:47,363 I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with. 422 00:28:47,431 --> 00:28:49,524 Some of them I downright loathe. 423 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,001 Aha, but I'll bet it's different with the ones you do love. 424 00:28:53,070 --> 00:28:55,004 Like, you'll go down on 'em longer. 425 00:28:55,072 --> 00:28:56,664 - Here we go. - I don't do that. 426 00:28:56,740 --> 00:28:59,937 - What? - I stopped. It got to be frustrating. 427 00:29:00,010 --> 00:29:03,639 As stupid as you usually come off during this little diatribe of yours, 428 00:29:03,714 --> 00:29:05,807 you're gonna come off ten times as stupid on this occasion. 429 00:29:05,883 --> 00:29:08,852 I lost my tolerance for the baggage that comes with eating girls out. 430 00:29:08,919 --> 00:29:10,853 What's the big deal? 431 00:29:10,921 --> 00:29:13,685 If you say the smell, so help me, I will slug you. 432 00:29:13,757 --> 00:29:15,782 Not the smell. The smell is good. 433 00:29:15,859 --> 00:29:18,521 I'm talkin' about not being able to do it properly. 434 00:29:18,595 --> 00:29:20,529 My mother brought me up to believe... 435 00:29:20,597 --> 00:29:23,327 if I can't do something right, I shouldn't do it at all. 436 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,927 Of course, my father told me she gave lousy head, but that's beside the point. 437 00:29:27,004 --> 00:29:30,440 Well, at least you blame yourself for your sexual inadequacies. 438 00:29:30,507 --> 00:29:32,737 No. I blame them. 439 00:29:32,809 --> 00:29:37,542 Chicks never help you out. They never tell you what to do, right? 440 00:29:37,614 --> 00:29:41,243 And most of them are all self-conscious about the smell factor. 441 00:29:41,318 --> 00:29:45,778 And, so, most of the time, they just lay there frozen like a deer in headlights. 442 00:29:45,856 --> 00:29:48,484 I mean, not for nothin', but when a chick goes down on me, 443 00:29:48,559 --> 00:29:51,653 I let her know where to go and what the status is. 444 00:29:51,728 --> 00:29:55,755 You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel. 445 00:29:55,832 --> 00:29:57,959 Constant updates. 446 00:29:58,035 --> 00:30:00,196 - You are such an idiot. - [ Growls ] 447 00:30:00,270 --> 00:30:03,728 No, no, he's got a point. I mean, that's how I was in high school. 448 00:30:03,807 --> 00:30:07,436 You know, all nervous and inhibited about being eaten out. 449 00:30:07,511 --> 00:30:10,969 But by the time I got to college, that all changed. 450 00:30:11,048 --> 00:30:13,141 I've loosened up. 451 00:30:13,216 --> 00:30:15,741 I was like one of those guys at the airport with those big flashlights, 452 00:30:15,819 --> 00:30:19,755 wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em that way, tellin' 'em when to stop. 453 00:30:19,823 --> 00:30:23,281 And that's all I'm sayin'. It would be different if chicks helped out. 454 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,794 You know, pointed a guy in the right direction. 455 00:30:25,862 --> 00:30:31,300 There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time and no chance for permanent injuries. 456 00:30:31,368 --> 00:30:33,302 Permanent injuries? 457 00:30:33,370 --> 00:30:36,965 Sure. You wanna see somethin' permanent? 458 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,167 - See that? - Uh-huh. 459 00:30:39,242 --> 00:30:42,006 I got that from Nina Rollins, sophomore year. 460 00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:44,013 I'm goin' down on her, right? 461 00:30:44,081 --> 00:30:46,311 - [ Moaning ] - Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her. 462 00:30:46,383 --> 00:30:51,787 She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks my tooth and sends it down my throat. 463 00:30:51,855 --> 00:30:54,824 I had to get a crown for the stub. 464 00:30:56,159 --> 00:30:59,287 I got that beat. I got that beat. 465 00:30:59,363 --> 00:31:04,232 Junior year, I'm goin' down on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room. 466 00:31:04,301 --> 00:31:09,500 I'm totally drunk, and in the middle of it, I fall asleep right in her lap. 467 00:31:09,573 --> 00:31:11,507 She got so mad, she digs her heel into my back. 468 00:31:11,575 --> 00:31:15,875 - Ow! - Right there. That's permanent. 469 00:31:15,946 --> 00:31:19,643 All right. All right. See this? 470 00:31:21,718 --> 00:31:24,186 That's the farthest I can move my neck to the right. 471 00:31:24,254 --> 00:31:28,384 Again, sophomore year, I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining. 472 00:31:28,458 --> 00:31:32,258 And for six months, I'm goin' down on her. Not a damn thing's happening. 473 00:31:32,329 --> 00:31:36,026 So, one night, I change a position or vary my lapping speed, 474 00:31:36,099 --> 00:31:40,297 and suddenly it's a whole new world. 475 00:31:40,370 --> 00:31:43,339 She's movin' around, convulsing, breathing heavy, 476 00:31:43,407 --> 00:31:46,035 and her legs are pressed up against my ears so tightly... 477 00:31:46,109 --> 00:31:50,011 that I don't hear her father come into the room. 478 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,174 He grabs my hair and pulls me way back, hard. 479 00:31:57,954 --> 00:32:01,082 Senior year, spring formal. 480 00:32:01,158 --> 00:32:04,093 I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt in her brother's car. 481 00:32:04,161 --> 00:32:08,621 She's layin' across the backseat. I'm half hangin' out, knees on the ground. 482 00:32:08,699 --> 00:32:13,568 She's flailin' around, and she-- she knocks the parking brake off. 483 00:32:13,637 --> 00:32:18,040 The car starts rolling down the hill. 484 00:32:18,108 --> 00:32:21,271 And my left knee is cut up to shit... 485 00:32:21,344 --> 00:32:26,941 like a kiddy's scissors class cut it up for paper dolls! 486 00:32:30,153 --> 00:32:34,419 [ Laughing Continues ] 487 00:32:42,165 --> 00:32:44,133 Whoa! Hey! Look at the time. 488 00:32:44,201 --> 00:32:46,135 We gotta-- We gotta beat that traffic, huh? 489 00:32:46,203 --> 00:32:48,433 What traffic? It's 1:30 in the morning. 490 00:32:48,505 --> 00:32:52,032 And rush hour starts in six hours. Let's go. 491 00:32:52,109 --> 00:32:56,409 Uh, thanks for inviting us out. It was educational. 492 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,414 Come on. 493 00:33:03,587 --> 00:33:05,521 Since you like chicks, right, 494 00:33:05,589 --> 00:33:08,251 you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time? 495 00:33:17,534 --> 00:33:19,468 [ Holden ] Look, here's the deal. 496 00:33:19,536 --> 00:33:21,936 When we get in there, don't be a complete Potzer, like last night. 497 00:33:22,005 --> 00:33:23,973 This is business now, okay? 498 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:28,374 Oh, why are you in such a bad mood? Still dwelling on that dyke? 499 00:33:28,445 --> 00:33:30,572 - Hey, knock it off, will you? - What'd I tell you? 500 00:33:30,647 --> 00:33:33,172 She just needs the right guy. 501 00:33:33,250 --> 00:33:38,085 All every woman really wants is some serious deep-dicking. 502 00:33:38,155 --> 00:33:41,682 - [ Phone Ringing ] - Sorry. 503 00:33:43,260 --> 00:33:46,195 See, that's why I can't buy lesbians. 504 00:33:46,263 --> 00:33:48,458 Everyone needs dick. 505 00:33:48,532 --> 00:33:51,160 See, I can buy fags, a bunch of guys that need dick. 506 00:33:51,234 --> 00:33:54,101 You know, just plain need it. That I get. 507 00:33:54,171 --> 00:33:58,005 Dykes? Bullshit posturing. 508 00:33:58,074 --> 00:34:00,440 But, live and let live, I guess. 509 00:34:00,510 --> 00:34:03,343 I'm sure the gay community appreciates your support. 510 00:34:03,413 --> 00:34:07,349 We'd like to start off by saying that it is a real pleasure to finally meet you. 511 00:34:07,417 --> 00:34:09,681 Absolute pleasure. 512 00:34:09,753 --> 00:34:12,620 One of the reasons we started this whole thing was to finally meet the guys... 513 00:34:12,689 --> 00:34:15,055 that do Bluntman & Chronic. 514 00:34:15,125 --> 00:34:17,059 - [ Together ] Snootchie bootchies! - Huh? 515 00:34:17,127 --> 00:34:20,494 Which now brings us to our proposal. 516 00:34:20,564 --> 00:34:23,260 Look, fellas, the days of Butt-Head are over. 517 00:34:23,333 --> 00:34:27,997 We're interested in doing 12 half-hour Bluntman & Chronic cartoons. 518 00:34:28,071 --> 00:34:30,638 What do you say? 519 00:34:30,771 --> 00:34:33,239 Are we in business? 520 00:34:36,811 --> 00:34:38,938 - [ Knocking Gently ] - [ TV ] The boy wonder. 521 00:34:39,013 --> 00:34:43,746 [ TV ] Batman and Robin, the dynamic duo against crime and corruption. 522 00:34:43,818 --> 00:34:46,719 Yeah, hi. Somebody told me they make comic books here, 523 00:34:46,787 --> 00:34:50,416 which is so weird, because I have this great idea for a story. 524 00:34:50,491 --> 00:34:53,688 It's about a guy who comes to this club and-- [ Whistles ] 525 00:34:53,761 --> 00:34:55,854 hightails it when he finds out-- 526 00:34:55,930 --> 00:34:57,522 Ready for this? 527 00:34:59,767 --> 00:35:02,565 This girl is gay. 528 00:35:04,705 --> 00:35:08,766 Any interest in a story like that? 529 00:35:08,843 --> 00:35:10,970 - An animated series? - Twelve episodes. 530 00:35:11,045 --> 00:35:14,446 - Well, that's great, isn't it? - Banky seems to think so. 531 00:35:14,515 --> 00:35:17,040 - But you don't. - Well, I-- 532 00:35:17,118 --> 00:35:20,110 I don't know if that's the perception I want people to have of our work. 533 00:35:20,187 --> 00:35:22,280 I know this sounds pretentious as hell, but... 534 00:35:22,356 --> 00:35:24,483 I'd like to think of us as artists, you know? 535 00:35:24,558 --> 00:35:27,584 I'd like to get back to doing something more personal, like our first book. 536 00:35:27,661 --> 00:35:31,097 Well, when are you gonna do that? 537 00:35:31,165 --> 00:35:34,566 When we have something personal to say. 538 00:35:34,635 --> 00:35:37,126 I weirded you out the other night. 539 00:35:37,204 --> 00:35:39,968 Uh, no, not really. 540 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,032 - Oh, come on! - Well, it's just-- 541 00:35:43,110 --> 00:35:45,340 I'd never seen that kind of thing up close and personal before. 542 00:35:45,413 --> 00:35:47,381 It just took a while to process. 543 00:35:47,448 --> 00:35:49,473 You wanna talk about it? 544 00:35:49,550 --> 00:35:51,643 If you want to. 545 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,517 I like you, Holden. 546 00:35:54,588 --> 00:35:56,886 I haven't liked a man in a long time. 547 00:35:56,957 --> 00:36:01,621 And it's not because I'm a man-hater or something like that. 548 00:36:01,695 --> 00:36:05,324 It's just been some time since I've been exposed to a man that didn't... 549 00:36:05,399 --> 00:36:08,926 immediately live into a stereotype of some sort. 550 00:36:09,003 --> 00:36:11,631 And I want you to feel comfortable with me, 551 00:36:11,705 --> 00:36:14,697 because I'd really like us to be friends. 552 00:36:14,775 --> 00:36:18,176 So if there's anything you wanna know, it's okay to ask me. 553 00:36:18,245 --> 00:36:21,476 - Okay. - Okay. 554 00:36:21,549 --> 00:36:24,848 Okay. Why girls? 555 00:36:26,554 --> 00:36:29,751 - Why men? - Well, because that's the standard. 556 00:36:29,824 --> 00:36:32,850 If that's the only reason you're attracted to women-- 557 00:36:32,927 --> 00:36:34,986 No, it's more than that. 558 00:36:35,062 --> 00:36:37,189 So you've never been curious about men? 559 00:36:37,264 --> 00:36:41,701 Curious? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw, but-- 560 00:36:41,769 --> 00:36:43,999 - [ Laughs ] You know what I mean. - No. 561 00:36:44,071 --> 00:36:46,005 - Why not? - No interest. 562 00:36:46,073 --> 00:36:48,837 - Because? - Girls feel right. 563 00:36:48,909 --> 00:36:53,209 Well, that's how I feel. You know, I've never really been attracted to men. 564 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,841 - Well, so, you're still a virgin then? - No. 565 00:36:56,917 --> 00:36:58,851 But you've only been with girls. 566 00:36:58,919 --> 00:37:00,853 So you're saying a person is a virgin... 567 00:37:00,921 --> 00:37:03,890 until they've had intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. 568 00:37:03,958 --> 00:37:06,290 Isn't that the standard definition? 569 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,487 Again with your standards. 570 00:37:08,562 --> 00:37:11,963 I think virginity is lost when you make love for the first time. 571 00:37:12,032 --> 00:37:14,830 - With a member of the opposite sex. - Why? Why only then? 572 00:37:14,902 --> 00:37:17,837 Because that's the standard. What do you want me to tell ya? 573 00:37:17,905 --> 00:37:22,171 So if a virgin is raped, then she's still a virgin? 574 00:37:22,243 --> 00:37:24,734 - No, of course not. - But rape is not the standard. 575 00:37:24,812 --> 00:37:28,077 So she's had sex, but not the standard idea of sex. 576 00:37:28,148 --> 00:37:30,981 Hence, according to your definition, she'd still be a virgin. 577 00:37:31,051 --> 00:37:33,849 - Okay, fine, I'll revise. - Uh-huh. 578 00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:37,015 [ Clears Throat ] Virginity is lost when the hymen is broken. 579 00:37:37,091 --> 00:37:40,322 - Then I lost my virginity at ten. - Really? 580 00:37:40,394 --> 00:37:43,989 'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post when I was ten, and it broke my hymen. 581 00:37:44,064 --> 00:37:47,124 Okay. Second revision. 582 00:37:47,201 --> 00:37:49,829 Virginity is lost through penetration. 583 00:37:49,904 --> 00:37:52,270 Physical penetration or emotional. 584 00:37:52,339 --> 00:37:54,273 - Emotional penetration? - Mmm. 585 00:37:54,341 --> 00:37:57,435 I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree when we were in high school. 586 00:37:57,511 --> 00:37:58,603 Physical penetration. 587 00:37:58,679 --> 00:38:01,341 - We had sex. - Yeah, but not real sex. 588 00:38:03,350 --> 00:38:06,444 I move to have that remark stricken from the record, 589 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,616 on account of it makes you come off as completely naive and infantile. 590 00:38:10,691 --> 00:38:13,888 Well, where's the penetration in lesbian sex? I-- 591 00:38:13,961 --> 00:38:18,523 A finger? I've had my finger up my ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex. 592 00:38:20,601 --> 00:38:22,535 Observe. 593 00:38:25,606 --> 00:38:30,373 You're kidding me! How? 594 00:38:30,444 --> 00:38:33,140 Our bodies are built to pass a child, for Christ's sake. 595 00:38:33,213 --> 00:38:35,704 Yeah, but I mean-- Jesus! Doesn't that hurt? 596 00:38:35,783 --> 00:38:39,082 - Sure, but in that good way. - Oh. 597 00:38:39,153 --> 00:38:43,214 And it's only a once-in-a-while thing reserved for really special occasions. 598 00:38:43,290 --> 00:38:47,386 - How about not-so-special occasions? - Tongue only. 599 00:38:47,461 --> 00:38:50,726 Well, but see-- Come on. That's what I'm sayin'. 600 00:38:50,798 --> 00:38:54,063 It's like, how can that be enough? How big can a tongue really get? 601 00:38:58,038 --> 00:38:59,972 My God. 602 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:04,807 [ Laughs ] Let's go. 603 00:39:07,214 --> 00:39:09,512 Come on. Come on. 604 00:39:09,583 --> 00:39:12,074 You're really gonna have to give me a minute, I think. 605 00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:15,017 [ Holden ] Would you stop futzing with your fuckin' bag? We're late already. 606 00:39:15,089 --> 00:39:17,250 - [ Banky ] I have to get something. - Look, man, we miss this train, 607 00:39:17,324 --> 00:39:20,885 I'm gonna shitcan you and just hire Charles Schulz. 608 00:39:20,961 --> 00:39:24,260 Oh, my God. Who are you? Larry Fucking Flynt? 609 00:39:24,331 --> 00:39:26,959 - What are you gonna do with all those? - Read the articles. 610 00:39:27,034 --> 00:39:30,902 What do you think I'm gonna do with 'em? They're stroke books, stupid. 611 00:39:30,971 --> 00:39:33,963 You got, like, 30 books in there. We're only gonna be gone for two days. 612 00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,874 Variety is the spice of life. I like a wide selection. 613 00:39:36,944 --> 00:39:39,208 Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups. 614 00:39:39,279 --> 00:39:41,577 Sometimes I like 'em arty and airbrushed. 615 00:39:41,649 --> 00:39:43,913 Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night. 616 00:39:43,984 --> 00:39:46,384 - Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. - [ Beeping ] 617 00:39:46,453 --> 00:39:48,387 Sometimes a steamy letter will do. 618 00:39:48,455 --> 00:39:51,390 Sometimes, not often, but sometimes... 619 00:39:51,458 --> 00:39:55,724 I like the idea of a chick with a horse. 620 00:39:55,796 --> 00:39:58,287 Go get our tickets. I gotta call Alyssa. 621 00:39:58,365 --> 00:40:01,129 - His master's voice. - Put that stuff away! 622 00:40:10,444 --> 00:40:12,378 Hi. 623 00:40:19,420 --> 00:40:24,255 [ Coins Clattering ] 624 00:40:29,630 --> 00:40:34,067 [ Alyssa ] One minute, five seconds. Ah, you are such my bitch. 625 00:40:34,134 --> 00:40:36,068 What's up? I'm about to get on a train. 626 00:40:36,136 --> 00:40:39,333 - Oh! Why? - Last-minute invite to the Boston Con. 627 00:40:39,406 --> 00:40:43,240 - Shit. - What? 628 00:40:43,310 --> 00:40:45,972 Well, my sister's at my parents', and I was gonna go see her. 629 00:40:46,046 --> 00:40:47,980 - The one that wrote the book? - Yeah. 630 00:40:48,048 --> 00:40:52,610 But I was stayin' all weekend. I wanted to hang out with you. This sucks. 631 00:40:52,686 --> 00:40:56,918 You know, um, both of us don't have to go. 632 00:40:56,990 --> 00:40:58,958 - Really? - Yeah. Banky can do this by himself. 633 00:40:59,026 --> 00:41:02,223 I mean, you know, it's not like we're on a panel. It's just a signing appearance. 634 00:41:02,296 --> 00:41:05,060 If you come pick me up, I'll be your best friend. 635 00:41:05,132 --> 00:41:07,362 Where's your apartment? 636 00:41:07,434 --> 00:41:11,370 And then Black Beauty couldn't take it any longer, 637 00:41:11,438 --> 00:41:16,899 and he finally did some of his own mounting. 638 00:41:16,977 --> 00:41:18,945 What are you doing? 639 00:41:19,012 --> 00:41:21,173 I think I want kids of my own one day. They're fun. 640 00:41:21,248 --> 00:41:24,615 Listen to me. I'm not going. You're gonna have to do this one by yourself. 641 00:41:24,685 --> 00:41:26,676 - What? Why? - Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend. 642 00:41:26,754 --> 00:41:29,188 I'm gonna hang out with her. You don't need me for this. 643 00:41:29,256 --> 00:41:32,248 Look, I'll take the bags. You can, uh, keep the filth. 644 00:41:32,326 --> 00:41:34,260 I'll pick you up at 9:00 Sunday night. 645 00:41:34,328 --> 00:41:37,195 Don't forget to plug the annual, and don't mention the TV show, okay? 646 00:41:37,264 --> 00:41:39,755 Call me if you get bored. 647 00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:41,801 [ Man ] All aboard! 648 00:41:44,404 --> 00:41:46,668 Explain this again. 649 00:41:46,740 --> 00:41:49,208 How could you have grown up on the shore and never played skee-ball? 650 00:41:49,276 --> 00:41:51,267 What did you do with your youth? 651 00:41:51,345 --> 00:41:53,779 Stayed out late, smoked pot, screwed around. 652 00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:55,940 Not your grade school years, your high school years. 653 00:41:56,016 --> 00:41:59,543 - This looks complicated. - Jesus. Potzer, uh-- 654 00:41:59,620 --> 00:42:02,248 - The premise is very basic, okay? - Uh-huh. 655 00:42:02,322 --> 00:42:05,450 You roll the ball up the rampart in an effort to pop it into the score circle. 656 00:42:05,526 --> 00:42:07,084 The higher the score, the more prize tickets you get. 657 00:42:07,161 --> 00:42:09,129 Well, what do you do with the prize tickets? 658 00:42:09,196 --> 00:42:11,630 You trade them in for prizes, 659 00:42:11,698 --> 00:42:14,792 which are not worth nearly as much as you've paid to play the game. 660 00:42:14,868 --> 00:42:18,167 - Well, what's the point? - It's fun. 661 00:42:18,238 --> 00:42:21,071 And you question my lifestyle. 662 00:42:21,141 --> 00:42:24,338 - [ Coat Clatters On Floor ] - Observe. 663 00:42:30,004 --> 00:42:31,801 See? It's just that simple. 664 00:42:31,873 --> 00:42:34,535 Well, why not just walk up there and put it in the 50 every time-- 665 00:42:34,609 --> 00:42:38,773 - Well, where's the skill in that? - Oh, this is a skill. 666 00:42:38,846 --> 00:42:41,178 I'm sorry. I had no idea. 667 00:42:41,249 --> 00:42:43,183 Just toss one. 668 00:42:46,087 --> 00:42:48,021 [ Ball Thuds, Man Groans ] 669 00:42:48,089 --> 00:42:52,822 Uh, I'm sorry there, man. She's a little new at this. 670 00:42:52,894 --> 00:42:55,362 Thanks. Thanks a lot. 671 00:42:55,430 --> 00:42:58,058 Underhand, okay? Throw it underhand. 672 00:42:58,132 --> 00:43:00,657 And this is where you take straight chicks on dates. 673 00:43:00,735 --> 00:43:02,669 This place is like Spanish fly. 674 00:43:02,737 --> 00:43:05,103 This will probably be the first time I don't score afterward. 675 00:43:05,173 --> 00:43:08,108 I don't know. I'm starting to get a tingle in my bottom. 676 00:43:11,446 --> 00:43:13,277 - Ten. - Very nice. 677 00:43:13,348 --> 00:43:15,282 - So, what'd you do last night? - Got laid. 678 00:43:15,350 --> 00:43:18,080 [ Machine Clattering ] 679 00:43:19,687 --> 00:43:23,054 Some more of that, uh, skill you were tellin' me about? 680 00:43:23,124 --> 00:43:26,719 I never will regret this 681 00:43:26,794 --> 00:43:29,319 I never will, never will Never will regret this 682 00:43:29,397 --> 00:43:31,331 Never will regret this 683 00:43:31,399 --> 00:43:35,927 I never will, never will Never will regret this 684 00:43:44,579 --> 00:43:48,948 Well, give us today and I'm not scared to say 685 00:43:49,017 --> 00:43:51,884 I'm afraid 686 00:43:51,953 --> 00:43:54,615 Yes, I have a couple of hesitations 687 00:43:54,689 --> 00:43:56,987 And I'll open the door 688 00:43:57,058 --> 00:44:01,392 And I wonder if she might come in 689 00:44:01,462 --> 00:44:06,764 And do you really need an invitation now 690 00:44:06,834 --> 00:44:10,930 'Cause I think I'm feeling really something today 691 00:44:11,005 --> 00:44:15,237 Yes, I think I feel a little spark, hey 692 00:44:15,309 --> 00:44:18,278 [ Alyssa ] Are you sure that control is working, Banky? 693 00:44:18,346 --> 00:44:21,782 I thought you lived in the city. 694 00:44:21,849 --> 00:44:23,783 It's like the umpteenth time I've seen ya here. 695 00:44:23,851 --> 00:44:27,184 Isn't that grounds for the little pink mafia to throw you outta their club? 696 00:44:27,255 --> 00:44:29,120 Hey! That's the last time. 697 00:44:29,190 --> 00:44:32,956 I think I feel a little spark, hey 698 00:44:33,027 --> 00:44:36,394 A little jump start Never will forget this 699 00:44:36,464 --> 00:44:39,399 I never will, never will Never will forget this 700 00:44:39,467 --> 00:44:41,799 Never will forget this 701 00:44:41,869 --> 00:44:44,599 I never will, never will Never will forget this 702 00:44:44,672 --> 00:44:46,867 Never will forget this 703 00:44:46,941 --> 00:44:49,671 I never will, never will Never will forget this 704 00:44:49,744 --> 00:44:51,939 Never will forget this 705 00:44:52,013 --> 00:44:54,277 I never will, never will Never will forget this 706 00:44:57,852 --> 00:45:00,252 [ Sighs ] 707 00:45:00,321 --> 00:45:03,688 - [ Video Game Beeps ] - Wow. How bad do you suck? 708 00:45:03,758 --> 00:45:07,785 - [ Video Game Beeps ] - How was your pseudo date? 709 00:45:07,862 --> 00:45:09,955 - Leave it alone. - That chick bugs me. 710 00:45:10,031 --> 00:45:13,592 - No, everyone bugs you. - Get off! 711 00:45:13,668 --> 00:45:17,229 - [ Video Game Whirring ] - Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that? 712 00:45:17,305 --> 00:45:21,799 Your dyke-courting ass just got me scored on. 713 00:45:21,876 --> 00:45:24,709 You know, you should watch that, man. 714 00:45:24,779 --> 00:45:27,577 If you're gonna get so bent outta shape while playing the game-- 715 00:45:27,648 --> 00:45:30,674 so much so that you feel the need to curse the TV-- 716 00:45:30,752 --> 00:45:33,050 try not to gay bash it, all right? 717 00:45:33,121 --> 00:45:35,316 You're not that kind of guy. 718 00:45:35,389 --> 00:45:40,190 And don't call her a dyke. She's a lesbian. Okay? 719 00:45:47,034 --> 00:45:50,128 What the fuck is goin' on here? 720 00:45:50,204 --> 00:45:52,502 - I'm starting a new page? - Not with this shit! With you! 721 00:45:52,573 --> 00:45:54,541 What the fuck is goin' on with you and that girl? 722 00:45:54,609 --> 00:45:57,772 - We're just friends! - She's programming you! 723 00:45:57,845 --> 00:45:59,779 I beg your pardon? Programming? 724 00:45:59,847 --> 00:46:02,338 Yeah, and apparently you don't even fuckin' realize it. 725 00:46:02,416 --> 00:46:05,146 What does it matter if I refer to her as a dyke? 726 00:46:05,219 --> 00:46:08,882 Or if I call the Whalers faggots in the privacy of my own office... 727 00:46:08,956 --> 00:46:11,823 far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world? 728 00:46:11,893 --> 00:46:15,522 Look, man, it's passive-aggressive gay bashing. 729 00:46:15,596 --> 00:46:17,621 And I know you're not really prejudiced at heart. 730 00:46:17,698 --> 00:46:23,603 I think you should find some other way to express your anger is all I'm saying. 731 00:46:25,473 --> 00:46:27,407 [ Sighs ] 732 00:46:36,017 --> 00:46:38,577 [ Sighs ] What are you doing? 733 00:46:38,653 --> 00:46:44,387 Just bear with me here. I want to put you through this little exercise. 734 00:46:51,899 --> 00:46:55,995 All right, now, see this? This is a four-way road, okay? 735 00:46:56,070 --> 00:47:00,564 And dead in the center is a crisp, new hundred-dollar bill. 736 00:47:00,641 --> 00:47:04,668 Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people. Okay? You following? 737 00:47:04,745 --> 00:47:06,679 - Yeah. - Good. 738 00:47:06,747 --> 00:47:09,910 Over here we have a male-affectionate, easy-to-get-along-with, 739 00:47:09,984 --> 00:47:12,782 nonpolitical-agenda lesbian. 740 00:47:12,854 --> 00:47:16,813 Down here we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, 741 00:47:16,891 --> 00:47:20,349 agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. 742 00:47:20,428 --> 00:47:25,263 Over here we got Santa Claus, and up here, the Easter Bunny. 743 00:47:25,333 --> 00:47:29,929 Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first? 744 00:47:30,004 --> 00:47:31,938 - What is this supposed to prove? - No, I'm serious. 745 00:47:32,006 --> 00:47:35,032 This is a serious exercise. It's like an S.A.T. question. 746 00:47:35,109 --> 00:47:38,203 Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first? 747 00:47:38,279 --> 00:47:41,146 The male-friendly lesbian? The man-hating dyke? 748 00:47:41,215 --> 00:47:43,149 Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? 749 00:47:43,217 --> 00:47:45,947 - The man-hating dyke. - Good. 750 00:47:46,020 --> 00:47:47,954 - Why? - I don't know. 751 00:47:48,022 --> 00:47:51,958 Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination! 752 00:47:52,026 --> 00:47:55,086 I don't need this. I'll be hiding from your fuckin' shit in my room. 753 00:47:55,162 --> 00:47:57,824 - What? - What is it about this girl, man? 754 00:47:57,899 --> 00:48:00,663 You know you have no shot at getting her into bed! 755 00:48:00,735 --> 00:48:03,169 Why do you bother wasting time with her? 756 00:48:03,237 --> 00:48:06,206 - Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil. - Right. 757 00:48:06,274 --> 00:48:10,836 Most persistent traveler on the road. That's not the path of least resistance. 758 00:48:10,912 --> 00:48:13,346 Everything's gotta be a fuckin' challenge for you. 759 00:48:13,414 --> 00:48:15,780 And this little relationship with that bitch... 760 00:48:15,850 --> 00:48:18,876 is a prime example of your fucking condition. 761 00:48:18,953 --> 00:48:21,251 Well, I don't need a magic eight ball to look into your future. 762 00:48:21,322 --> 00:48:26,123 You want a forecast? Here. Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa? 763 00:48:26,193 --> 00:48:29,162 Oh, what a shock. Not fucking likely. 764 00:48:29,230 --> 00:48:33,257 This relationship is affecting you, our work and our friendship. 765 00:48:33,334 --> 00:48:36,861 The time's gonna come when I throw down the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her." 766 00:48:36,938 --> 00:48:38,906 - Then what are you gonna say? - I say you should let this one go! 767 00:48:38,973 --> 00:48:42,841 No. What would you say? Would you trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship... 768 00:48:42,910 --> 00:48:45,174 because you've got some idiotic notion... 769 00:48:45,246 --> 00:48:48,682 that this chick would even let you sniff her panties, let alone fuck her? 770 00:48:48,749 --> 00:48:51,946 Look, fuckin' asshole, I'm telling you, okay? Let it go! 771 00:48:52,019 --> 00:48:53,953 What the fuck, man? 772 00:48:54,021 --> 00:48:56,012 What the fuck makes this bitch all that important? 773 00:48:56,090 --> 00:48:59,287 'Cause I'm fuckin' in love with her, man, okay? 774 00:49:05,599 --> 00:49:07,533 [ Whispers ] Fuck. 775 00:49:13,107 --> 00:49:17,510 - Well, I thought it was love - Thought it was love 776 00:49:17,578 --> 00:49:19,739 'Cause my heart-- 777 00:49:19,814 --> 00:49:23,944 [ Continues, Indistinct ] 778 00:49:24,018 --> 00:49:26,748 Wish you were the one being pursued for the cartoon. 779 00:49:26,821 --> 00:49:28,413 Oh, really? 780 00:49:28,489 --> 00:49:32,619 Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and pick up a check every once in a while. 781 00:49:32,693 --> 00:49:34,627 We're leaving? 782 00:49:34,695 --> 00:49:37,630 Well, it's not like this is a bed and breakfast. 783 00:49:37,698 --> 00:49:40,531 I've got a little business to conduct. 784 00:49:46,140 --> 00:49:50,372 Hello there. Let me ask you a question. 785 00:49:50,444 --> 00:49:54,847 Are you an authorized deal maker in this establishment? 786 00:49:54,915 --> 00:49:57,884 Do you have the power to negotiate? 787 00:49:57,952 --> 00:50:00,887 You wanna haggle over the price of your French dip? 788 00:50:00,955 --> 00:50:06,291 No, I wanna haggle over the price of fine art. 789 00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:09,454 - What do you mean? - There. By the kitchen. 790 00:50:09,530 --> 00:50:12,795 See? That painting. 791 00:50:12,867 --> 00:50:17,270 - What about it? - The price tag says 75. 792 00:50:17,338 --> 00:50:20,501 - So? - Tell me you're kidding. 793 00:50:20,574 --> 00:50:25,068 - I'll give you 50. - [ Scoffs ] 794 00:50:29,050 --> 00:50:34,337 Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski down off the wall, please? 795 00:50:34,470 --> 00:50:37,132 My new Dyksiezski. 796 00:50:37,206 --> 00:50:41,074 - Where are you gonna hang it? - I'm not. You are. 797 00:50:41,144 --> 00:50:43,078 Oh? You want me to hang it for you? 798 00:50:43,146 --> 00:50:45,080 You better hope it doesn't get out to the girl nation... 799 00:50:45,148 --> 00:50:47,082 you needed a man to help you hang a picture. 800 00:50:47,150 --> 00:50:50,984 No, no, no. You're going to hang it in your house. 801 00:50:51,054 --> 00:50:54,490 - Yeah, right. - I'm serious. 802 00:50:59,128 --> 00:51:02,757 - Why? - Because it's captured the moment. 803 00:51:02,832 --> 00:51:05,665 It'll be a constant reminder, not just of tonight, 804 00:51:05,735 --> 00:51:10,399 but of our introduction, of the building of our friendship, everything. 805 00:51:10,473 --> 00:51:14,967 Make no mistake about it, my friend, it is a gift from me to you, 806 00:51:15,044 --> 00:51:18,309 so you'll always remember us. 807 00:51:26,355 --> 00:51:29,483 [ Keys Jingle, Engine Off ] 808 00:51:31,060 --> 00:51:32,994 Why are we stopping? 809 00:51:33,062 --> 00:51:36,293 - Because I can't take this. - Can't take what? 810 00:51:36,365 --> 00:51:38,993 I love you. 811 00:51:39,068 --> 00:51:41,662 [ Thunderclap ] 812 00:51:46,142 --> 00:51:48,303 You love me? 813 00:51:48,377 --> 00:51:52,143 I love you and not, not in a friendly way. 814 00:51:52,215 --> 00:51:54,376 Although, I think we're great friends. 815 00:51:54,450 --> 00:51:57,817 And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way. 816 00:51:57,887 --> 00:51:59,980 Although, I'm sure that's what you'll call it. 817 00:52:00,056 --> 00:52:03,514 I love you. Very-- 818 00:52:03,593 --> 00:52:06,926 Very simple. Very truly. 819 00:52:06,996 --> 00:52:11,797 You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. 820 00:52:11,868 --> 00:52:13,859 And I know that you think of me as just a friend, 821 00:52:13,936 --> 00:52:16,404 and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option... 822 00:52:16,472 --> 00:52:18,337 you would ever consider, 823 00:52:18,407 --> 00:52:23,310 but-- [ Sighs ] I had to say it. 824 00:52:23,379 --> 00:52:25,370 I just-- I can't take this anymore. 825 00:52:25,448 --> 00:52:28,474 I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. 826 00:52:28,551 --> 00:52:30,917 I can't-- I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-- 827 00:52:30,987 --> 00:52:34,047 that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. 828 00:52:34,123 --> 00:52:39,823 I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. 829 00:52:39,896 --> 00:52:45,357 And I know this will probably queer our friendship-- no pun intended-- 830 00:52:45,434 --> 00:52:51,066 [ Sighs ] but I had to say it. 831 00:52:51,140 --> 00:52:54,576 'Cause I've never felt this way before. 832 00:52:54,644 --> 00:53:00,048 And I don't care. I like who I am because of it. 833 00:53:00,116 --> 00:53:03,517 And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, 834 00:53:03,586 --> 00:53:06,749 then that hurts me. 835 00:53:06,822 --> 00:53:09,290 But, God, I just-- I couldn't allow another day to go by... 836 00:53:09,358 --> 00:53:13,260 without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, 837 00:53:13,329 --> 00:53:18,858 which, by the look on your face, is to be the inevitable... 838 00:53:18,935 --> 00:53:21,665 shoot down. 839 00:53:21,737 --> 00:53:27,004 And, you know, I'll accept that. 840 00:53:27,076 --> 00:53:30,910 But I know-- I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment. 841 00:53:30,980 --> 00:53:34,643 And if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. 842 00:53:34,717 --> 00:53:36,651 And all I ask, please, is that you just-- 843 00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:42,157 you just not dismiss that and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. 844 00:53:43,526 --> 00:53:45,460 Ah. 845 00:53:46,762 --> 00:53:49,060 [ Sighs ] Alyssa. 846 00:53:49,131 --> 00:53:54,660 There isn't another soul on this fucking planet... 847 00:53:54,737 --> 00:53:59,106 who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you. 848 00:53:59,175 --> 00:54:03,271 And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau, 849 00:54:03,346 --> 00:54:05,405 because it is there between you and me. 850 00:54:05,481 --> 00:54:09,281 You can't deny that. 851 00:54:17,727 --> 00:54:20,855 Even if, you know-- 852 00:54:24,433 --> 00:54:28,392 Even if we never talk again after tonight, 853 00:54:28,471 --> 00:54:32,931 please know that I am forever changed... 854 00:54:33,009 --> 00:54:37,412 because of who you are and what you've meant to me, 855 00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:41,576 which, while I do appreciate it, 856 00:54:41,651 --> 00:54:47,180 I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. 857 00:55:02,038 --> 00:55:05,098 [ Whispers ] Oh, God. 858 00:55:05,174 --> 00:55:08,610 Was it something I said? 859 00:55:08,678 --> 00:55:11,579 [ Whispers ] Fuck. 860 00:55:13,549 --> 00:55:16,450 [ Thunder Rumbling ] 861 00:55:16,519 --> 00:55:19,215 - What are you doing? - Get in the car and get outta here! 862 00:55:19,288 --> 00:55:21,518 - You're gonna hitch to New York? - Yep! 863 00:55:21,590 --> 00:55:24,787 - Aren't you at least gonna comment? - Here's my comment: Fuck you! 864 00:55:24,860 --> 00:55:26,828 - Why? - That was so unfair. 865 00:55:26,896 --> 00:55:28,261 You know how unfair that was. 866 00:55:28,331 --> 00:55:30,265 What? It's unfair that I'm in love with you? 867 00:55:30,333 --> 00:55:32,801 No, it's unfortunate that you're in love with me. 868 00:55:32,868 --> 00:55:36,304 It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need to unburden your soul about it. 869 00:55:36,372 --> 00:55:39,637 Do you remember for one fucking second who I am? 870 00:55:39,709 --> 00:55:42,041 So? I mean, you know, people change. 871 00:55:42,111 --> 00:55:44,045 Oh! Oh! It's that simple! 872 00:55:44,113 --> 00:55:46,911 You fall in love with me and want a romantic relationship. 873 00:55:46,982 --> 00:55:48,916 Nothing changes for you... 874 00:55:48,984 --> 00:55:51,475 with the exception of feeling hunky-dory all the time. 875 00:55:51,554 --> 00:55:55,490 But what about me, Holden? It's not that simple! 876 00:55:55,558 --> 00:55:57,958 I just can't get into a relationship with you... 877 00:55:58,027 --> 00:56:01,155 without throwing my whole fucking world into upheaval. 878 00:56:01,230 --> 00:56:05,462 That's every relationship. There's always gonna be a period of adjustment. 879 00:56:05,534 --> 00:56:08,094 Period of adjustment? 880 00:56:08,170 --> 00:56:12,504 There's no period of adjustment, Holden! I am fucking gay! 881 00:56:12,575 --> 00:56:14,600 That's who I am! 882 00:56:14,677 --> 00:56:20,582 You assume I can turn all that around because you've got a fucking crush? 883 00:56:22,651 --> 00:56:24,585 If this is a crush, 884 00:56:24,653 --> 00:56:28,350 I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened. 885 00:56:28,424 --> 00:56:30,892 Go home, Holden. 886 00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,690 [ Thunder Rumbling ] 887 00:57:03,392 --> 00:57:05,326 [ Cries ] 888 00:57:16,705 --> 00:57:19,265 [ Thunder Rumbling ] 889 00:57:55,816 --> 00:58:00,014 [ Radio Announcer ] You're back with Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review. 890 00:58:00,087 --> 00:58:04,023 As always behind us we got wacky-- [ Radio Continues, Indistinct ] 891 00:58:20,674 --> 00:58:22,642 [ Door Slams ] 892 00:58:22,710 --> 00:58:25,440 I take it that's not good. 893 00:58:25,512 --> 00:58:29,039 [ Sighs ] Stay here. 894 00:58:29,116 --> 00:58:32,711 Be right back. [ Groans ] 895 00:58:51,872 --> 00:58:55,000 Catholic schoolgirls. 896 00:58:55,075 --> 00:59:00,138 The uniform's what does it for me. 897 00:59:00,214 --> 00:59:04,048 I wish I'd went with more Catholic schoolgirls when I was a kid. 898 00:59:04,118 --> 00:59:09,647 As it stands, I have no "And then she unzipped her jumper" stories. 899 00:59:10,724 --> 00:59:14,023 You seemed weirded-out back there. 900 00:59:14,094 --> 00:59:18,656 - That's my couch you were fucking on. - Sorry. 901 00:59:18,732 --> 00:59:22,031 I wanted to watch some TV. Hard to do when your best friend is... 902 00:59:22,102 --> 00:59:26,198 wrapped around a naked rug-muncher on your couch. 903 00:59:26,273 --> 00:59:28,798 She had boxers on. 904 00:59:32,346 --> 00:59:36,783 - [ Sighs ] This is all gonna end badly. - You don't know that. 905 00:59:36,850 --> 00:59:40,513 I know you. You're way too conservative for that girl. 906 00:59:40,587 --> 00:59:45,115 She's been around and seen things we've only read about in books. 907 00:59:45,192 --> 00:59:48,958 We have read about them, so we're prepared. 908 00:59:49,029 --> 00:59:52,294 There's no "we" here. 909 00:59:54,034 --> 00:59:56,559 You're gonna have to go through this alone. 910 00:59:56,637 --> 00:59:58,605 It's one thing to read about shit, 911 00:59:58,672 --> 01:00:02,802 something different when you're forced to deal with it on a regular basis. 912 01:00:02,876 --> 01:00:06,676 When you are walking in a mall and your heads turn at a nice-looking chick, 913 01:00:06,747 --> 01:00:09,807 it's gonna eat you up inside. 914 01:00:09,883 --> 01:00:14,445 You'll spend most of your time wondering when the other shoe's gonna drop. 915 01:00:14,521 --> 01:00:18,548 'Cause for you this isn't about cool, weird sex stuff. 916 01:00:18,625 --> 01:00:20,889 It's about love. 917 01:00:20,961 --> 01:00:24,089 Maybe it is for her as well. 918 01:00:24,164 --> 01:00:27,395 Somehow I doubt it. 919 01:00:27,468 --> 01:00:30,301 Everybody's not out to get someone in life, Bank. 920 01:00:30,370 --> 01:00:34,238 Everybody has an agenda, all right? Everyone. 921 01:00:34,308 --> 01:00:35,935 Yourself? 922 01:00:36,009 --> 01:00:38,944 - My agenda is to watch your back. - To what end? 923 01:00:39,012 --> 01:00:41,947 To insure that all this time we've spent together, building something, 924 01:00:42,015 --> 01:00:43,107 wasn't wasted. 925 01:00:43,183 --> 01:00:47,244 Oh, she's not gonna ruin the comic. 926 01:00:49,723 --> 01:00:52,351 I wasn't talkin' about the comic. 927 01:00:54,361 --> 01:00:57,159 [ Sighing ] I'm gonna go get a bagel. 928 01:00:57,231 --> 01:01:00,928 Clean off my fucking couch so I can watch TV. 929 01:01:04,004 --> 01:01:05,972 [ Sighs ] 930 01:01:11,845 --> 01:01:14,006 From what I understand, when you sign with a publisher... 931 01:01:14,081 --> 01:01:16,879 someone else does all this work for you, and you just sit back and collect. 932 01:01:16,950 --> 01:01:20,317 And miss these late-night cram sessions with my nearest and dearest? 933 01:01:20,387 --> 01:01:22,787 - Never. - I don't know what she's bitching about. 934 01:01:22,856 --> 01:01:25,450 All she's done since we got here is pound Merlot. 935 01:01:25,526 --> 01:01:26,618 Yeah, you're a real help. 936 01:01:26,693 --> 01:01:29,355 I'd like to know why we're here at all... 937 01:01:29,429 --> 01:01:31,363 when we haven't seen Princess Funny Book in a month. 938 01:01:31,431 --> 01:01:36,368 - Yeah. Who you shackin' up with? - "Shacking up with"? Please. 939 01:01:38,105 --> 01:01:40,335 [ Giggling ] I'm so in love! 940 01:01:40,407 --> 01:01:42,637 [ All ] Ohh! 941 01:01:42,709 --> 01:01:47,078 I know, I know. I feel like such a goon, but I can't help it. 942 01:01:47,147 --> 01:01:50,082 - We have such a great time together. - Who is it? 943 01:01:50,150 --> 01:01:52,084 Someone you guys don't know. 944 01:01:52,152 --> 01:01:54,143 That chick you left the restaurant with that night. 945 01:01:54,221 --> 01:01:56,155 They're not from around here. 946 01:01:56,223 --> 01:01:58,157 Don't even tell me you met her down the shore. 947 01:01:58,225 --> 01:02:00,887 Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel Jersey dyke. 948 01:02:00,961 --> 01:02:03,486 - With huge hair and acid-washed jeans. - [ Laughs ] 949 01:02:03,564 --> 01:02:07,591 For your information, they don't have big hair or wear acid-wash. 950 01:02:07,668 --> 01:02:09,659 They're from my hometown. 951 01:02:14,441 --> 01:02:16,602 Why are you playing the pronoun game? 952 01:02:16,677 --> 01:02:20,408 - What are you talking about? I'm not. - You are. 953 01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:25,850 I met "someone." "We" have a great time. "They're" from my hometown. 954 01:02:25,919 --> 01:02:28,114 Doesn't this tube of wonderful have a name? 955 01:02:35,329 --> 01:02:37,559 Holden. 956 01:02:52,145 --> 01:02:54,238 [ Sighs ] Well... 957 01:02:57,084 --> 01:02:59,052 here's to the both of you. 958 01:03:02,723 --> 01:03:05,248 Another one bites the dust. 959 01:03:14,001 --> 01:03:16,435 Can I ask you a question? 960 01:03:16,503 --> 01:03:20,234 Don't even tell me you want to do it again. 961 01:03:22,509 --> 01:03:26,946 Why me? You know? Why now? 962 01:03:27,014 --> 01:03:30,506 Well, because you were givin' me that look and I got all wet. 963 01:03:30,584 --> 01:03:32,779 You know what I mean. 964 01:03:32,853 --> 01:03:35,344 Why not you? 965 01:03:35,422 --> 01:03:40,553 Well, I'm a guy. I mean... you're attracted to girls. 966 01:03:40,627 --> 01:03:43,152 I see you've been taking notes. 967 01:03:43,230 --> 01:03:46,427 Historically, yes. That's true. 968 01:03:46,500 --> 01:03:49,298 Then why this? 969 01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:57,173 Well, I've given that a lot of thought, you know. 970 01:03:57,244 --> 01:04:00,213 Now that I'm being ostracized by my friends, 971 01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,214 I've had plenty of time to think about it. 972 01:04:02,282 --> 01:04:05,683 And what I've come up with is really simple. 973 01:04:07,087 --> 01:04:10,420 I came to this on my own terms. 974 01:04:10,490 --> 01:04:13,391 You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught: 975 01:04:13,460 --> 01:04:17,328 Men and women should be together, it's the natural way, 976 01:04:17,397 --> 01:04:19,331 that kind of thing. 977 01:04:19,399 --> 01:04:23,631 I'm not with you because of what family, society, life... 978 01:04:23,704 --> 01:04:27,196 tried to instill in me from day one. 979 01:04:29,209 --> 01:04:31,507 The way the world is, 980 01:04:31,578 --> 01:04:36,606 how seldom it is that you meet that one person who... 981 01:04:36,683 --> 01:04:39,243 just gets you. 982 01:04:39,319 --> 01:04:41,719 It's so rare. 983 01:04:41,788 --> 01:04:44,882 My parents didn't really have it. 984 01:04:44,958 --> 01:04:50,419 There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. 985 01:04:50,497 --> 01:04:54,661 And to cut oneself off from finding that person-- 986 01:04:54,735 --> 01:04:59,069 to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility... 987 01:04:59,139 --> 01:05:02,836 of finding that one person within your own gender-- 988 01:05:02,909 --> 01:05:05,036 that just seemed stupid to me. 989 01:05:05,112 --> 01:05:07,945 So I didn't. 990 01:05:08,014 --> 01:05:11,245 But then you came along. 991 01:05:11,318 --> 01:05:15,277 You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy. 992 01:05:15,355 --> 01:05:17,789 [ Chuckling ] Still am. 993 01:05:17,858 --> 01:05:22,955 And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, 994 01:05:23,029 --> 01:05:25,827 because you were a guy. 995 01:05:25,899 --> 01:05:30,734 Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: 996 01:05:30,804 --> 01:05:35,104 To not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd... 997 01:05:35,175 --> 01:05:37,541 complement me so completely. 998 01:05:41,848 --> 01:05:44,942 So, here we are. 999 01:05:45,018 --> 01:05:47,384 I was thorough when I looked for you. 1000 01:05:49,470 --> 01:05:53,099 And I feel justified lying in your arms... 1001 01:05:53,174 --> 01:05:56,871 'cause I got here on my own terms, 1002 01:05:56,945 --> 01:06:01,712 and I have no question there was someplace I didn't look. 1003 01:06:01,783 --> 01:06:04,513 For me that makes all the difference. 1004 01:06:20,735 --> 01:06:23,829 Can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep-dicking? 1005 01:06:23,905 --> 01:06:28,001 [ Laughing ] 1006 01:06:30,712 --> 01:06:33,306 - Move! - Stop! 1007 01:06:46,194 --> 01:06:49,095 - What? - Check out page 48. 1008 01:07:01,275 --> 01:07:04,210 - So? - Did you see the nickname? 1009 01:07:06,614 --> 01:07:09,344 - "Finger Cuffs." - And? 1010 01:07:09,417 --> 01:07:13,854 - Weird nickname. What's your point? - Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"? 1011 01:07:13,921 --> 01:07:17,186 - No. I suppose you do. - I do. 1012 01:07:19,761 --> 01:07:24,357 Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson and went to North our senior year? 1013 01:07:24,432 --> 01:07:26,366 Yeah. 1014 01:07:26,434 --> 01:07:29,597 Well, asshole, I ran into him at the stores the other day. 1015 01:07:29,671 --> 01:07:32,139 God, it's been ages since I've seen him. 1016 01:07:32,206 --> 01:07:35,698 - Mentioned you were dating Alyssa. - Did you? 1017 01:07:35,777 --> 01:07:38,007 Yeah. Funny thing is, you know what he said? 1018 01:07:38,079 --> 01:07:42,846 Shit, I know Alyssa Jones. I mean, I know Alyssa Jones. 1019 01:07:42,917 --> 01:07:47,013 Me and Rick Derris used to hang around her house after school... 1020 01:07:47,088 --> 01:07:49,716 and shit, 'cause her parents were, like, never home and shit, right? 1021 01:07:49,791 --> 01:07:52,521 But one day Rick whips it out and starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit, 1022 01:07:52,593 --> 01:07:54,754 chasin' her around the living room; I was dyin'. 1023 01:07:54,829 --> 01:07:57,525 You know what the crazy bitch did? She fuckin' drops to her knees... 1024 01:07:57,598 --> 01:08:00,465 and starts suckin' him off right in front of me, like I wasn't even there. 1025 01:08:00,535 --> 01:08:02,833 I almost died. But that's not the fucked-up part. 1026 01:08:02,904 --> 01:08:06,863 The fucked-up part was Rick, right in the middle of it, pointin' at her, 1027 01:08:06,941 --> 01:08:09,273 and he says "Cohee," just like that, "Cohee." 1028 01:08:09,343 --> 01:08:11,277 So I'm like, "Yo, I'll give it a shot." 1029 01:08:11,345 --> 01:08:14,143 I start pullin' her pants down and shit, all slow 'cause I figure any second... 1030 01:08:14,215 --> 01:08:16,342 she's gonna turn around and belt me in the mouth, right? 1031 01:08:16,417 --> 01:08:19,909 But she's all into it, man! She don't try to stop me or nothin'! 1032 01:08:19,987 --> 01:08:22,820 She's all wet and I just start goin' to work, you know what I'm sayin'? 1033 01:08:22,890 --> 01:08:25,723 Me and Rick are goin' to town on this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it, 1034 01:08:25,793 --> 01:08:27,727 all moaning and shit. 1035 01:08:27,795 --> 01:08:29,660 It was fucked-up. So Rick came up with the nickname. 1036 01:08:29,731 --> 01:08:34,327 That day she had us locked in from both sides like Chinese finger cuffs. 1037 01:08:34,402 --> 01:08:35,664 He's full of shit. 1038 01:08:35,737 --> 01:08:38,672 Cohee's a lot of things, but an exaggerator he's not. 1039 01:08:38,740 --> 01:08:40,799 - The dude's Catholic. - She's never even been with a guy. 1040 01:08:40,875 --> 01:08:44,072 That's what she says. But I say her on her hands and knees... 1041 01:08:44,145 --> 01:08:47,410 getting filled out like an application constitutes "being with a guy." 1042 01:08:47,482 --> 01:08:50,474 Look, man. Cohee Lundin is pulling your chain, okay? 1043 01:08:50,551 --> 01:08:53,645 The fact you even believe him makes you look like a complete fuckin' idiot. 1044 01:08:53,721 --> 01:08:55,985 I'm getting your back, asshole! 1045 01:08:56,057 --> 01:08:58,651 People don't forget shit like "Finger Cuffs." 1046 01:08:58,726 --> 01:09:02,287 What if it got out that she's queer as well? How's that gonna make you look? 1047 01:09:02,363 --> 01:09:05,696 - Well, I give a shit what people think. - Fuck! 1048 01:09:05,767 --> 01:09:08,895 All right. What if she's carrying a disease? 1049 01:09:08,970 --> 01:09:10,938 - Fuck you! - What? 1050 01:09:11,005 --> 01:09:14,168 Oh, it's not possible that she's all crudded-up? 1051 01:09:14,242 --> 01:09:17,769 Cohee I can vouch for is clean. The dude never got laid in high school. 1052 01:09:17,845 --> 01:09:20,678 But Derris? He's an arch-fucking-bushman! 1053 01:09:20,748 --> 01:09:24,479 Name me one chick in our senior class that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake! 1054 01:09:24,552 --> 01:09:27,783 Let it go, okay? I'm telling you, she's never even been with a guy, 1055 01:09:27,855 --> 01:09:29,880 much less these two fuckin' zeroes. 1056 01:09:29,957 --> 01:09:33,586 And the bitch could be a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak! 1057 01:09:33,661 --> 01:09:37,597 Would you let it go, okay? I'm fuckin' tired of this shit! 1058 01:09:37,665 --> 01:09:42,659 She's my goddamn girlfriend! Show a little fuckin' respect! 1059 01:09:42,737 --> 01:09:45,934 And I swear to God, if I ever hear you so much as fucking mention... 1060 01:09:46,007 --> 01:09:51,035 Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put your fucking teeth down your throat! 1061 01:09:54,015 --> 01:09:56,848 Maybe I'll put your fuckin' teeth down your throat. 1062 01:09:56,918 --> 01:09:59,478 Yeah, maybe. 1063 01:10:00,555 --> 01:10:03,319 [ Footsteps Down Stairs ] 1064 01:10:04,392 --> 01:10:07,088 I've been workin' out, ya know! 1065 01:10:08,162 --> 01:10:11,290 You better be ready to make that deal. 1066 01:10:13,534 --> 01:10:16,469 So, where's that bitch partner of yours been? 1067 01:10:16,537 --> 01:10:17,765 Sulking. 1068 01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:19,864 He's having a real problem with this Alyssa thing. 1069 01:10:19,941 --> 01:10:24,207 I think it's more like Banky's having a real problem with all things not hetero, 1070 01:10:24,278 --> 01:10:27,145 and I'm just another paradigm of said aberration. 1071 01:10:27,215 --> 01:10:32,448 - Banky does not hate gays. - But he is a bit homophobic. 1072 01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:36,081 This latest episode between you and Miss Thing has tapped into that. 1073 01:10:36,157 --> 01:10:40,651 In his warped perception, he lost you to the "dark side," which is she. 1074 01:10:40,728 --> 01:10:42,662 You make it sound like me and him were dating. 1075 01:10:42,730 --> 01:10:44,061 Don't kid yourself. 1076 01:10:44,131 --> 01:10:47,100 That boy loves you in a way that he ain't ready to deal with. 1077 01:10:49,103 --> 01:10:51,037 [ Clears Throat ] 1078 01:10:51,105 --> 01:10:56,338 - He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa. - Uh-uh, honey! 1079 01:10:56,410 --> 01:11:02,315 And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury uncovered about your lady fair? 1080 01:11:02,383 --> 01:11:05,113 [ Whispering ] He heard some bullshit story that she took on two guys. 1081 01:11:05,186 --> 01:11:07,245 Really? 1082 01:11:07,321 --> 01:11:11,280 Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree if he wants to split you up, isn't he? 1083 01:11:11,359 --> 01:11:13,793 He's not gonna make you see the error of your ways... 1084 01:11:13,861 --> 01:11:15,954 by pointing out how truly gay she's not. 1085 01:11:16,030 --> 01:11:18,863 - This one? - I have it. 1086 01:11:18,933 --> 01:11:23,996 - Actually, it has kinda gotten to me. - How so? 1087 01:11:24,071 --> 01:11:26,562 Well, Banky's got a pretty good bullshit detector. 1088 01:11:26,641 --> 01:11:28,973 - He's not known for misinformation. - So what if it is true? 1089 01:11:29,043 --> 01:11:31,603 - Would that bother you? - Sex with multiple partners? 1090 01:11:31,679 --> 01:11:33,613 - [ Gasps ] - At the same time? 1091 01:11:33,681 --> 01:11:35,615 Ah! Ooh! 1092 01:11:35,683 --> 01:11:38,311 Thanks for being so comforting. I appreciate it. 1093 01:11:38,386 --> 01:11:40,320 So, what do you care? 1094 01:11:40,388 --> 01:11:42,583 That's just it, you know? I shouldn't care. 1095 01:11:42,657 --> 01:11:44,591 - But it just-- It gets to me. - Look, 1096 01:11:44,659 --> 01:11:47,457 the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't think she's been in the middle... 1097 01:11:47,528 --> 01:11:49,928 of an all-girl group grope? 1098 01:11:52,667 --> 01:11:56,159 You see, that doesn't bother me, right? But just the thought of her with guys-- 1099 01:11:56,237 --> 01:11:59,866 Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't drop 50 stories in my opinion of you... 1100 01:11:59,941 --> 01:12:03,001 by falling prey to that latest of trendy beasts. 1101 01:12:03,077 --> 01:12:05,136 - Which is? - Lesbian chic. 1102 01:12:05,212 --> 01:12:09,546 It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl nowadays. People think it's cute. 1103 01:12:09,617 --> 01:12:13,018 Got this fool picture of lipstick lesbians in their heads, 1104 01:12:13,087 --> 01:12:17,148 like they all resemble Alyssa, while most of 'em look more like you. 1105 01:12:17,224 --> 01:12:20,125 Do I detect a little intersubculture cattiness here? 1106 01:12:20,194 --> 01:12:22,526 Gay or straight, ugly's still ugly. 1107 01:12:22,596 --> 01:12:25,224 - And most of those boys are scary. - [ Laughs ] 1108 01:12:25,299 --> 01:12:27,233 I thought you fags were all super-supportive of one another. 1109 01:12:27,301 --> 01:12:29,166 Screw that all-for-one shit. 1110 01:12:29,236 --> 01:12:31,864 I gotta deal with bein' a minority in the minority of the minority, 1111 01:12:31,939 --> 01:12:34,100 and nobody's supportin' my ass. 1112 01:12:34,175 --> 01:12:37,508 While the whole of society's fawning over girls-on-girls, 1113 01:12:37,578 --> 01:12:39,512 here I sit, a reviled gay man. 1114 01:12:39,580 --> 01:12:42,014 And to top that off, I'm a gay black man, 1115 01:12:42,083 --> 01:12:44,017 notoriously, the most swishy of the bunch. 1116 01:12:44,085 --> 01:12:46,076 - Three strikes-- - Hey, hey! There's a line. 1117 01:12:46,153 --> 01:12:49,088 - [ Boy ] Are you Hooper X? - [ Rap Over Stereo ] 1118 01:12:52,326 --> 01:12:56,456 - Salaam alaykem, little brother. - Could you sign my comic? 1119 01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:03,095 Hey. You see that man right there? 1120 01:13:04,438 --> 01:13:08,169 He the devil. Understand? 1121 01:13:08,242 --> 01:13:11,177 Never take your eye off the Man. 1122 01:13:17,585 --> 01:13:20,918 - Fight the power, little G. - Word is bond. 1123 01:13:20,988 --> 01:13:23,252 Word is bond. 1124 01:13:27,528 --> 01:13:29,986 Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect. 1125 01:13:29,986 --> 01:13:30,816 Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect. 1126 01:13:30,887 --> 01:13:34,220 What is it about gay men that terrifies the rest of the world? 1127 01:13:34,290 --> 01:13:36,224 [ Sighs ] 1128 01:13:36,292 --> 01:13:40,058 - As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past, - Um-hm. 1129 01:13:40,129 --> 01:13:44,065 maybe what's troubling you is that your fragile fantasy might not be true. 1130 01:13:44,133 --> 01:13:47,398 - What does that mean? - Holden, don't even try to come off... 1131 01:13:47,470 --> 01:13:49,563 like you don't know what I'm sayin'. 1132 01:13:49,639 --> 01:13:54,338 Men need to believe that they're Marco-fuckin'-Polo when it comes to sex. 1133 01:13:54,410 --> 01:13:57,072 Like they're the only ones who've ever explored new territory. 1134 01:13:57,146 --> 01:13:59,740 And it's hard not to let 'em believe it. 1135 01:13:59,816 --> 01:14:02,182 - I let my boys run with it for a while. - [ Scoffs ] 1136 01:14:02,252 --> 01:14:04,948 Feed 'em some of that "I've never done this before" bullshit... 1137 01:14:05,021 --> 01:14:07,455 and let them labor under the delusion that they're rockin' my world... 1138 01:14:07,523 --> 01:14:10,390 until I can't stand 'em no more, then I hit 'em with the truth. 1139 01:14:10,460 --> 01:14:12,394 It's a sick game. 1140 01:14:12,462 --> 01:14:14,396 The world would be a better place... 1141 01:14:14,464 --> 01:14:16,489 if people would just accept there's nothin' new under the sun, 1142 01:14:16,566 --> 01:14:18,500 and anything you can do with a person... 1143 01:14:18,568 --> 01:14:21,469 has probably been done long before you got there. 1144 01:14:21,537 --> 01:14:24,973 - Hey, I can accept that. - Honey, that almost sounded convincing. 1145 01:14:25,041 --> 01:14:29,774 Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl about her past point-blank. 1146 01:14:29,846 --> 01:14:32,781 Get it out of the way before it gets too big for both of y'all to move. 1147 01:14:32,849 --> 01:14:34,783 Ooh! Yanni! 1148 01:14:38,187 --> 01:14:42,749 - [ Spectators Cheering ] - [ Organ Playing ] 1149 01:14:47,630 --> 01:14:51,191 - [ Crowd Shouts and Cheers ] - [ Alyssa ] Boo! Boo! 1150 01:14:54,203 --> 01:14:56,671 Since most of these people are rooting for the home team, 1151 01:14:56,739 --> 01:14:58,673 I'm going to cheer for the visitors. 1152 01:14:58,741 --> 01:15:01,005 I'm a big visitors fan. 1153 01:15:01,077 --> 01:15:04,638 Especially the kind that make coffee for you in the morning before they go. 1154 01:15:06,649 --> 01:15:09,812 That was a joke. Bah-dum-bah. 1155 01:15:09,886 --> 01:15:12,946 A little wacky wordplay. [ Giggles ] 1156 01:15:13,022 --> 01:15:15,752 Wha-What do you mean, "visitors"? 1157 01:15:15,825 --> 01:15:17,816 Was I being too obscure? 1158 01:15:17,894 --> 01:15:23,059 The kind that, until recently, had no dicks and would stay the night. 1159 01:15:24,334 --> 01:15:28,293 So, uh, that was until recently, right? 1160 01:15:28,371 --> 01:15:30,430 Uh, yeah. 1161 01:15:36,346 --> 01:15:40,442 Hey! Foul! Foul! He was traveling or something. 1162 01:15:40,516 --> 01:15:44,816 So, nobody but me has spent the night at your place since we got together? 1163 01:15:44,887 --> 01:15:46,821 Somethin' on your mind, Holden? 1164 01:15:46,889 --> 01:15:51,292 - Just wondering. - If I've been faithful or something? 1165 01:15:51,361 --> 01:15:54,797 I was just asking. 1166 01:15:54,864 --> 01:15:58,163 Oh, sweetie. 1167 01:15:58,234 --> 01:16:01,635 I only have eyes for you. 1168 01:16:06,209 --> 01:16:10,976 If you don't start usin' that whistle, I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass! 1169 01:16:11,047 --> 01:16:12,981 Right? 1170 01:16:14,484 --> 01:16:17,476 What's uh-- What's with "Finger Cuffs"? 1171 01:16:31,100 --> 01:16:33,034 "Finger Cuffs"? 1172 01:16:33,102 --> 01:16:37,971 In your senior yearbook your nickname was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean? 1173 01:16:38,040 --> 01:16:40,736 - It was? - Yeah. 1174 01:16:40,810 --> 01:16:44,507 Shit. Damned if I can remember. 1175 01:16:44,580 --> 01:16:47,777 I'd look it up, but I threw all that shit out years ago. 1176 01:16:47,850 --> 01:16:50,717 - Where'd you see a North yearbook? - Do you know a Rick Derris? 1177 01:16:52,889 --> 01:16:55,790 - Rick Derris? - Yeah. 1178 01:16:55,858 --> 01:16:57,985 [ Pulse Beating ] 1179 01:16:58,060 --> 01:17:01,086 Sure. We used to hang out in high school. 1180 01:17:01,164 --> 01:17:03,530 Punch him in the fuckin' neck, number 12! 1181 01:17:03,599 --> 01:17:06,830 Come on. Come on! 1182 01:17:06,903 --> 01:17:09,337 Did you guys, like, date or something? 1183 01:17:09,405 --> 01:17:13,671 Date Rick Derris? No, no. We just hung out a lot. 1184 01:17:13,743 --> 01:17:16,177 Just-Just you and Rick. 1185 01:17:16,245 --> 01:17:20,272 No. Me, Rick and, um-- 1186 01:17:20,349 --> 01:17:22,544 God, what was his name? 1187 01:17:22,618 --> 01:17:24,916 Um-- What was his name? 1188 01:17:24,987 --> 01:17:27,455 - What was his name? - Cohee. 1189 01:17:27,523 --> 01:17:29,787 - Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin! - [ Pulse Continues ] 1190 01:17:29,859 --> 01:17:32,089 God, I haven't thought about that name in years. 1191 01:17:35,331 --> 01:17:38,823 Those guys used to come over to my house almost every day after school. 1192 01:17:38,901 --> 01:17:43,031 They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, 1193 01:17:43,105 --> 01:17:45,198 raid the fridge. 1194 01:17:45,274 --> 01:17:48,368 They really took advantage of my parents' never being home. 1195 01:17:51,848 --> 01:17:53,782 This one day, 1196 01:17:53,850 --> 01:17:57,809 Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it. 1197 01:17:57,887 --> 01:18:00,048 Right in front of Cohee, man. I couldn't believe it. 1198 01:18:03,493 --> 01:18:06,462 Rick pulled his dick out? Really? 1199 01:18:06,529 --> 01:18:09,089 - [ Laughing ] - What did you do? 1200 01:18:09,165 --> 01:18:11,793 [ Loudly ] I blew him while Cohee fucked me! 1201 01:18:13,236 --> 01:18:16,797 [ Pulse Stops, Crowd Cheering ] 1202 01:18:16,873 --> 01:18:20,001 - Excuse me? - That's what you wanted to hear. 1203 01:18:20,076 --> 01:18:25,104 That's what this little cross-examination of your is all about? 1204 01:18:25,181 --> 01:18:27,649 Well, next time try not to make it so obvious, all right? 1205 01:18:27,717 --> 01:18:32,120 There's subtler ways of badgering a witness. Am I right? 1206 01:18:32,188 --> 01:18:35,453 Geez, man. Even I knew what you were gettin' at. 1207 01:18:35,525 --> 01:18:38,961 If you wanted background information on me, all you had to do was ask. 1208 01:18:39,028 --> 01:18:40,996 I would have gladly volunteered it. 1209 01:18:41,063 --> 01:18:43,588 You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot. 1210 01:18:49,739 --> 01:18:51,673 Told ya these were good seats. 1211 01:19:01,450 --> 01:19:04,351 Hey. Hey! 1212 01:19:06,389 --> 01:19:08,687 - Hey, would you wait a minute? - Get the fuck off me! 1213 01:19:08,758 --> 01:19:12,854 - So it's true, right? - Is that what you wanna hear? 1214 01:19:12,929 --> 01:19:14,863 Yeah, Holden, it's true. 1215 01:19:14,931 --> 01:19:18,890 In fact, everything you heard or dug up on me is probably true. 1216 01:19:18,968 --> 01:19:21,368 Yeah, I took on two guys at once! 1217 01:19:21,437 --> 01:19:24,895 [ Sobbing ] You wanna hear some gems you might not have unearthed? 1218 01:19:24,974 --> 01:19:28,034 I took a 26-year-old guy to my senior prom... 1219 01:19:28,110 --> 01:19:32,513 and left to have sex with him and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo. 1220 01:19:32,582 --> 01:19:37,645 How about in college when I let Shannon Hamilton videotape us having sex, 1221 01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:42,350 only to find out he broadcast it on the campus cable station. 1222 01:19:42,425 --> 01:19:47,385 They're all true. Didn't you know? I am the queen of suburban legend! 1223 01:19:47,463 --> 01:19:49,693 Did you somehow fuckin' fail to mention this to me? 1224 01:19:49,765 --> 01:19:52,029 What the fuck's wrong with you? How could you do all those things? 1225 01:19:52,101 --> 01:19:53,625 Easily! 1226 01:19:53,703 --> 01:19:58,572 Some I did out of stupidity, some I did out of what I thought was love. 1227 01:19:58,641 --> 01:20:01,667 But good or bad, they are my choices, 1228 01:20:01,744 --> 01:20:04,804 and I am not making apologies for them now! 1229 01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:08,247 Not to you, or not to anyone! 1230 01:20:08,317 --> 01:20:13,186 And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me about it, in public, no less? 1231 01:20:13,255 --> 01:20:16,816 Who the fuck do you think you are, you judgmental prick? 1232 01:20:16,892 --> 01:20:19,156 How the fuck am I supposed to feel about all this? 1233 01:20:19,228 --> 01:20:21,389 How are you supposed to feel about it? 1234 01:20:21,464 --> 01:20:25,298 Feel whatever the fuck you want to about it, all right? 1235 01:20:25,368 --> 01:20:29,702 The only thing that matters is how you feel about me. 1236 01:20:31,607 --> 01:20:33,837 - I don't know how I feel about you now. - Why? Why? 1237 01:20:33,909 --> 01:20:36,605 - Because I had some sex? - Some sex? 1238 01:20:36,679 --> 01:20:41,207 Yes, Holden. That's all it was, some sex. 1239 01:20:41,283 --> 01:20:43,615 Most of it stupid high school sex. 1240 01:20:43,686 --> 01:20:46,154 Like you never had sex in high school. 1241 01:20:46,222 --> 01:20:50,522 There is a world of fucking difference between typical high school sex... 1242 01:20:50,593 --> 01:20:54,461 and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys at the same time! 1243 01:20:54,530 --> 01:20:58,830 - They fuckin' used you. - No! I used them! 1244 01:20:58,901 --> 01:21:03,235 You don't think I would have let it happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you? 1245 01:21:03,305 --> 01:21:07,401 I was an experimental girl, for Christ's sake! 1246 01:21:07,476 --> 01:21:11,776 Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, 1247 01:21:11,847 --> 01:21:15,681 but, unlike you, I was not given a fucking map at birth. 1248 01:21:15,751 --> 01:21:17,946 So I tried it all. 1249 01:21:18,020 --> 01:21:23,219 That is until we-- that's you and I-- got together. 1250 01:21:23,292 --> 01:21:26,284 And suddenly I was sated. 1251 01:21:26,362 --> 01:21:29,923 Can't you take some fucking comfort in that? 1252 01:21:29,999 --> 01:21:33,992 [ Sobbing ] You turned out to be all I was looking for, 1253 01:21:34,070 --> 01:21:38,439 the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle. 1254 01:21:38,507 --> 01:21:40,941 [ Sobbing ] 1255 01:21:43,045 --> 01:21:47,641 Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you were the only guy I'd ever been with. 1256 01:21:47,717 --> 01:21:50,777 I should have been more honest. 1257 01:21:50,853 --> 01:21:55,051 But it just didn't-- It seemed to make you feel special in a way... 1258 01:21:55,124 --> 01:22:01,029 that me telling you over and over how incredible you are wouldn't get across. 1259 01:22:02,098 --> 01:22:05,124 Holden, I'm sorry. 1260 01:22:05,201 --> 01:22:07,192 Just don't do that. 1261 01:22:10,473 --> 01:22:15,501 Do you mean to tell me that, while you have zero problem... 1262 01:22:15,578 --> 01:22:18,547 with me sleeping with half the women in New York City, 1263 01:22:18,614 --> 01:22:22,072 you have some sort of half-assed, mealy-mouthed objection... 1264 01:22:22,151 --> 01:22:25,848 to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago? 1265 01:22:25,921 --> 01:22:29,186 What the fuck is your problem? 1266 01:22:30,693 --> 01:22:33,253 I want us to be something that we can't be. 1267 01:22:33,329 --> 01:22:35,263 And what's that? 1268 01:22:35,331 --> 01:22:37,765 A normal couple. 1269 01:22:39,635 --> 01:22:43,594 So why don't you give your little voice a rest 1270 01:22:43,672 --> 01:22:46,766 - [ Screaming ] Fuck! - Come on up inside my bed 1271 01:22:46,842 --> 01:22:50,539 And just pretend you need me 1272 01:22:52,281 --> 01:22:56,826 You don't have to lie about what you know 1273 01:22:56,959 --> 01:23:02,556 Even though I've been sufferin' 1274 01:23:04,267 --> 01:23:08,226 And I don't need to be your only one 1275 01:23:08,304 --> 01:23:11,296 I don't need your comforting 1276 01:23:11,374 --> 01:23:15,572 I just need you with me 1277 01:23:17,080 --> 01:23:21,540 Stay, stay, stay with me 1278 01:23:21,617 --> 01:23:26,077 Stay, stay with me 1279 01:23:27,657 --> 01:23:29,557 Stay and don't you ever roll away from me 1280 01:23:29,625 --> 01:23:31,092 The girl? 1281 01:23:33,496 --> 01:23:35,430 Stay 1282 01:23:35,498 --> 01:23:39,798 Stay with me 1283 01:23:39,869 --> 01:23:41,837 Oh, and did she ever 1284 01:23:48,644 --> 01:23:52,080 Well, look at this morose motherfucker right here. 1285 01:23:55,218 --> 01:23:58,710 Smells like someone shit in his cereal. Nooch. 1286 01:23:58,788 --> 01:24:01,188 What took you guys so long? What are you, at the mall again? 1287 01:24:01,257 --> 01:24:05,717 Bitch, don't even start, all right? We stopped that shit years ago. 1288 01:24:05,795 --> 01:24:07,729 Toss the salad. 1289 01:24:07,797 --> 01:24:10,231 [ Groans ] 1290 01:24:13,669 --> 01:24:16,729 Damn, this likeness rights shit is more profitable than sellin' smoke. 1291 01:24:18,341 --> 01:24:20,809 How did a dirt merchant like you ever learn about likeness rights? 1292 01:24:20,877 --> 01:24:24,369 We deal to a lot of lawyers. You know what I'm sayin'? 1293 01:24:24,447 --> 01:24:28,110 Speaking of which-- A little signin' bonus and shit? 1294 01:24:28,184 --> 01:24:33,986 No, I'll pass. Did you guys take a look at the issue? 1295 01:24:34,056 --> 01:24:36,616 Yeah. 1296 01:24:36,692 --> 01:24:40,924 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1297 01:24:40,997 --> 01:24:43,124 You need to throw some pussy in that book, man. 1298 01:24:43,199 --> 01:24:46,032 Like, throw some supervillain with big fuckin' tits... 1299 01:24:46,102 --> 01:24:48,969 that shoot milk or somethin', and I'll just, like, suck her dry... 1300 01:24:49,038 --> 01:24:51,666 and bust some moves on her. 1301 01:24:55,611 --> 01:24:58,978 Then she has to fuck me. I mean, fuck us. 1302 01:24:59,048 --> 01:25:01,608 I'll see what I can do. 1303 01:25:03,586 --> 01:25:07,522 - All right, boys. What'll it be? - I'm all set, thanks. 1304 01:25:07,590 --> 01:25:11,754 Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up a toasted bagel with cream cheese. 1305 01:25:11,827 --> 01:25:16,890 You want one too? Make that two, and kiss my grits. Nooch. 1306 01:25:18,634 --> 01:25:22,297 Did you ever watch that show, Alice? That show was funny as hell, man. 1307 01:25:22,371 --> 01:25:26,865 So why the long face, horse? Banky on the rag? 1308 01:25:26,943 --> 01:25:30,174 I'm just, uh-- I'm just havin' a little girl trouble. 1309 01:25:30,246 --> 01:25:32,806 Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot. 1310 01:25:32,882 --> 01:25:36,511 No. I'm just, uh-- 1311 01:25:37,954 --> 01:25:40,149 I'm just at a point where I don't really know what to do. 1312 01:25:40,223 --> 01:25:43,954 Kick her to the fuckin' curb. Girls get to be too much trouble. 1313 01:25:44,026 --> 01:25:47,189 There's always the band... of the hand. 1314 01:25:48,731 --> 01:25:51,564 Can't do it, G. I'm in love. 1315 01:25:51,634 --> 01:25:55,695 Nah, there ain't no such thing. You got to boil it down to the essentials. 1316 01:25:55,771 --> 01:26:00,538 It's like Cube says: Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money 1317 01:26:02,211 --> 01:26:05,669 Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed. Advice from the 'hood. 1318 01:26:05,748 --> 01:26:10,412 - So who is this girl? - Oh, I don't think you know her. 1319 01:26:11,654 --> 01:26:14,487 Come on, man. I'm people who know people. 1320 01:26:14,557 --> 01:26:16,491 You sound like Barbra Streisand. 1321 01:26:16,559 --> 01:26:19,323 Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch playin' her greatest hits tape... 1322 01:26:19,395 --> 01:26:21,329 in my ear all the time. 1323 01:26:21,397 --> 01:26:25,629 You gotta see it. When she starts singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," 1324 01:26:25,701 --> 01:26:28,829 this faggot starts cryin' like a little girl with a skinned knee and shit. 1325 01:26:28,904 --> 01:26:32,772 Big fuckin' softie. So what's the skirt's name? 1326 01:26:32,842 --> 01:26:35,242 I'm tellin' ya, man. You don't know the girl. 1327 01:26:35,311 --> 01:26:39,611 I ain't playin', man. Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio. 1328 01:26:41,317 --> 01:26:43,251 Alyssa Jones. 1329 01:26:45,521 --> 01:26:48,422 Holy fuckin' shit. Finger Cuffs? 1330 01:26:48,491 --> 01:26:53,155 You're dating Finger Cuffs, you silly son of a bitch? 1331 01:26:53,229 --> 01:26:55,424 Wait a second. I thought she was all gay and shit. 1332 01:26:55,498 --> 01:26:58,399 She was, or she is. I don't know. 1333 01:26:58,467 --> 01:27:01,561 And you're dating her. Man, you're a lucky fuck. 1334 01:27:01,637 --> 01:27:03,571 She ever bring bitches to bed with you? 1335 01:27:03,639 --> 01:27:05,834 Get a little of that Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on? 1336 01:27:05,908 --> 01:27:08,433 Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about, baby. Right? 1337 01:27:08,511 --> 01:27:12,379 What's up? Yeah. So four tits and what? 1338 01:27:12,448 --> 01:27:16,145 - No, man. It's not like that. - What's it like, then? 1339 01:27:16,218 --> 01:27:20,086 Right now? I don't know. 1340 01:27:20,156 --> 01:27:23,148 I love her, you know? But, uh, she has a past. 1341 01:27:23,225 --> 01:27:27,127 I'll say. Stuffin' two guys, eatin' chicks out and shit. 1342 01:27:27,196 --> 01:27:29,494 You know, I heard one time she had this dog-- 1343 01:27:29,565 --> 01:27:32,762 Eat your fuckin' bagel already and shut up. 1344 01:27:32,835 --> 01:27:36,771 Look at this touchy motherfucker right here. 1345 01:27:36,839 --> 01:27:39,307 So if you're all in love and shit, what's the problem? 1346 01:27:39,375 --> 01:27:43,038 The problem is stupid shit like that. 1347 01:27:43,112 --> 01:27:44,943 It was bad enough when it was just girls, you know? 1348 01:27:45,014 --> 01:27:48,950 You throw guys into the mix-- two guys at once, no less-- 1349 01:27:49,018 --> 01:27:52,112 All that experience, you know? What am I supposed to think? 1350 01:27:52,188 --> 01:27:57,125 Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead, 'cause now she'll be all true and blue. 1351 01:27:57,193 --> 01:28:02,028 Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin' for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass. 1352 01:28:02,098 --> 01:28:05,295 Settling for my boring ass. That's comforting. Thanks, Jay. 1353 01:28:05,368 --> 01:28:10,362 - That's what I'm here for. - I'm just havin' a problem with it. 1354 01:28:10,439 --> 01:28:14,637 It's like I can't get these visuals out of my head of her doing all this shit. 1355 01:28:14,710 --> 01:28:19,113 And I don't know why I can't let it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl. 1356 01:28:19,181 --> 01:28:23,208 - I look at her, I see kids, grandkids-- - You're scarin' me. 1357 01:28:23,285 --> 01:28:25,913 Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself 'cause I think so much of this girl... 1358 01:28:25,988 --> 01:28:29,014 that I can't get stupid shit like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head. 1359 01:28:30,659 --> 01:28:34,390 [ Sighs ] I don't know. I don't know what I'm doin'. 1360 01:28:37,933 --> 01:28:39,867 Chasin' Amy. 1361 01:28:41,704 --> 01:28:44,867 What? What did you say? 1362 01:28:44,940 --> 01:28:46,999 [ Spits ] 1363 01:28:47,076 --> 01:28:50,239 - You're chasing Amy. - What do you look so shocked for, man? 1364 01:28:50,312 --> 01:28:54,271 Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks 'cause he don't say anything... 1365 01:28:54,350 --> 01:28:57,012 it'll have some huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth. 1366 01:28:57,086 --> 01:28:59,020 Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? 1367 01:28:59,088 --> 01:29:03,525 Always yap-yap-yapping all the time. Give me a fuckin' headache. 1368 01:29:03,592 --> 01:29:06,425 I went through somethin' like what you're talkin' about a couple years ago. 1369 01:29:06,495 --> 01:29:08,793 - This chick named Amy. - When? 1370 01:29:10,199 --> 01:29:12,429 A couple of years ago. 1371 01:29:12,501 --> 01:29:14,696 What, she live in Canada or something? Why don't I remember this? 1372 01:29:14,770 --> 01:29:16,738 Bitch, what you don't know about me... 1373 01:29:16,806 --> 01:29:18,740 I could just about squeeze in the Grand-fucking-Canyon. 1374 01:29:18,808 --> 01:29:23,211 Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas? Huh? 1375 01:29:23,279 --> 01:29:27,010 Bet you didn't even know that shit, did you? 1376 01:29:27,082 --> 01:29:29,915 Just tell your fuckin' story so we can get out of here and smoke this. 1377 01:29:31,687 --> 01:29:36,556 So there's me and Amy. And we're inseparable. Just big-time in love. 1378 01:29:36,625 --> 01:29:39,560 Then four months down the road the idiot gear kicks in, 1379 01:29:39,628 --> 01:29:43,086 and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. 1380 01:29:43,165 --> 01:29:46,566 But you know how it is: You don't want to know, but you just have to know. 1381 01:29:46,635 --> 01:29:48,569 Stupid guy bullshit. 1382 01:29:48,637 --> 01:29:51,128 So, anyway, she starts tellin' me about him. 1383 01:29:51,207 --> 01:29:55,507 They fell in love, went out for a couple of years, lived together. 1384 01:29:55,578 --> 01:29:59,480 Her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay. 1385 01:29:59,548 --> 01:30:02,574 But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: 1386 01:30:02,651 --> 01:30:05,950 It seems that a couple of times, while they were goin' out, 1387 01:30:06,021 --> 01:30:08,319 he brought some people to bed with them. 1388 01:30:08,390 --> 01:30:10,756 Menage-a-trois, I believe it's called. 1389 01:30:10,826 --> 01:30:14,318 Now this just blows my mind, right? I'm not used to this sort of thing. 1390 01:30:14,396 --> 01:30:18,765 - I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes. - Saint Shithead. 1391 01:30:18,834 --> 01:30:20,768 Do somethin'. 1392 01:30:20,836 --> 01:30:24,101 So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blastin' her. 1393 01:30:24,173 --> 01:30:26,937 I don't know how to deal with what I'm feelin', so I figure the best way is... 1394 01:30:27,009 --> 01:30:30,001 if call her "slut," right, and tell her she was used. 1395 01:30:30,079 --> 01:30:33,139 I'm out for blood. I really want to hurt this girl. 1396 01:30:33,215 --> 01:30:37,083 "What the fuck is your problem?" And she's just calmly trying to tell me, 1397 01:30:37,152 --> 01:30:41,088 "It was that time, that place," and she doesn't think she should apologize... 1398 01:30:41,156 --> 01:30:43,249 because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. 1399 01:30:43,325 --> 01:30:48,126 I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in the eye and tell her it's over. I walk. 1400 01:30:49,920 --> 01:30:52,013 Fuckin' A. 1401 01:30:52,089 --> 01:30:54,819 No, idiot. It was a mistake. 1402 01:30:54,892 --> 01:30:56,951 I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. 1403 01:30:57,028 --> 01:31:00,794 You know, at that moment I felt small, like I'd lacked experience, 1404 01:31:00,865 --> 01:31:05,393 like I'd never be on her level, never be enough for her or something like that. 1405 01:31:05,469 --> 01:31:08,905 But what I did not get, she didn't care. 1406 01:31:08,973 --> 01:31:13,535 She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore, she was lookin' for me, for the Bob. 1407 01:31:13,611 --> 01:31:18,810 But by the time I figured this all out, it's too late, man. She moved on. 1408 01:31:18,883 --> 01:31:22,717 All I had to show for it was foolish pride which then gave way to regret. 1409 01:31:24,321 --> 01:31:28,655 She was the girl. I know that now. 1410 01:31:28,726 --> 01:31:31,524 But... 1411 01:31:33,097 --> 01:31:35,622 I pushed her away. 1412 01:31:41,639 --> 01:31:45,939 So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy. 1413 01:31:48,012 --> 01:31:49,980 So to speak. 1414 01:31:50,047 --> 01:31:54,814 Enough of this fuckin' melodrama. My advice? Forget her, dude. 1415 01:31:54,885 --> 01:31:59,288 There's one bitch in the world, one bitch with many faces. 1416 01:31:59,356 --> 01:32:03,884 Get up, tons of fun. We gotta book. 1417 01:32:03,961 --> 01:32:07,692 - Catchin' a bus to Chi-town. - Why? What's there? 1418 01:32:07,765 --> 01:32:11,496 Business, yo. How many more of those fat envelopes we get comin' to us? 1419 01:32:11,569 --> 01:32:14,402 Uh, I don't know. 1420 01:32:14,472 --> 01:32:16,940 I don't know how much longer the book's gonna be around. 1421 01:32:17,007 --> 01:32:20,101 Yeah, good. I'll be glad as shit when it's gone. 1422 01:32:20,177 --> 01:32:24,341 There's a million people who'd love to see themself in a comic book. 1423 01:32:24,415 --> 01:32:27,145 But that ain't like us at all, all slapsticky and shit, 1424 01:32:27,218 --> 01:32:28,879 runnin' around like a couple of dickheads. 1425 01:32:28,953 --> 01:32:31,854 Sayin'-- What's that shit he got us sayin'? 1426 01:32:31,922 --> 01:32:35,255 Oh, um... "snootchie-bootchies." 1427 01:32:35,326 --> 01:32:40,730 "Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck talks like that? That is baby talk. 1428 01:32:42,466 --> 01:32:45,663 It's a big world, G. We're bound to run into you again. 1429 01:32:45,736 --> 01:32:49,604 - Till then, keep your unit on ya. - I'll try. 1430 01:32:49,673 --> 01:32:53,131 No, no, no, no, no. Do or do not. There is no try-- 1431 01:32:53,210 --> 01:32:57,510 Knock that shit off! We got a bus to catch. 1432 01:32:57,581 --> 01:33:01,540 Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for? 1433 01:33:01,619 --> 01:33:03,519 - Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck. 1434 01:33:52,803 --> 01:33:54,771 Okay. 1435 01:33:54,838 --> 01:33:59,400 You guys are probably wondering why I asked you here at the same time... 1436 01:33:59,476 --> 01:34:03,207 knowing that we have shit to settle between us separately. 1437 01:34:03,280 --> 01:34:06,545 I just figured you wanted to kill two birds with one stone. 1438 01:34:06,617 --> 01:34:09,450 You know, by telling her to fuck off with me here... 1439 01:34:09,520 --> 01:34:11,988 so you wouldn't have to go through the story again later on. 1440 01:34:12,056 --> 01:34:15,457 - Fuck you. - Not even if you let me videotape it. 1441 01:34:15,526 --> 01:34:18,518 Okay, enough. All right? 1442 01:34:19,930 --> 01:34:22,956 Enough. [ Sighs ] 1443 01:34:23,033 --> 01:34:26,992 Now, I've been going over and over and over this whole thing, 1444 01:34:27,071 --> 01:34:29,699 and I've dissected it a thousand different ways. 1445 01:34:29,773 --> 01:34:33,470 Banky, there's tension between you and I for the first time in our lives. 1446 01:34:33,544 --> 01:34:38,311 You hate me dating Alyssa and you want me to sign off on this cartoon thing. 1447 01:34:38,382 --> 01:34:40,543 How perceptive. 1448 01:34:40,618 --> 01:34:44,850 Alyssa, 1449 01:34:44,922 --> 01:34:46,981 you and I have hit a wall... 1450 01:34:47,057 --> 01:34:51,517 'cause I don't know how to deal with your, uh, your past, I guess. 1451 01:34:51,595 --> 01:34:53,529 That's a nice way of putting it. 1452 01:34:53,597 --> 01:34:55,588 I'd have said "the whole double stuff" thing. 1453 01:35:02,172 --> 01:35:05,767 I'm only gonna tell you this once: Shut up. 1454 01:35:08,178 --> 01:35:10,112 Now, [ Sighs ] 1455 01:35:10,180 --> 01:35:14,241 I know I'm to blame one way or another on both accounts. 1456 01:35:14,318 --> 01:35:18,277 Alyssa, with you because... I feel inadequate, 1457 01:35:18,355 --> 01:35:21,586 because you've had such a big life and so much experience, 1458 01:35:21,659 --> 01:35:24,389 and my life's been pretty small in comparison. 1459 01:35:24,461 --> 01:35:27,658 - That doesn't matter to me. - Please. 1460 01:35:27,731 --> 01:35:31,030 I have to get through this, okay? 1461 01:35:31,101 --> 01:35:35,868 Banky, I know why you're having such a hard time with me and Alyssa. 1462 01:35:35,939 --> 01:35:38,874 It's something that's been obvious forever and I guess-- 1463 01:35:38,942 --> 01:35:42,105 I guess I just didn't acknowledge it. 1464 01:35:43,681 --> 01:35:45,615 You're in love with me. 1465 01:35:47,885 --> 01:35:49,819 What? 1466 01:35:49,887 --> 01:35:54,688 You're attracted to me. Just as, in a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you. 1467 01:35:54,758 --> 01:35:57,454 It makes sense. We've been together so long, we have so much in common. 1468 01:35:57,528 --> 01:36:00,463 Well, I gotta get goin'. 1469 01:36:00,531 --> 01:36:03,091 I gotta catch the last few minutes of Little House. 1470 01:36:11,675 --> 01:36:14,337 It's somethin' you're gonna have to deal with, Bank. 1471 01:36:15,813 --> 01:36:18,043 And that would explain your jealousy of Alyssa, 1472 01:36:18,115 --> 01:36:20,777 your homophobia, your sense of humor-- 1473 01:36:20,851 --> 01:36:23,615 Jesus, just 'cause a guy's got a predilection toward dick jokes-- 1474 01:36:23,687 --> 01:36:26,383 Bank. Stop. 1475 01:36:26,457 --> 01:36:29,483 Deal with it. You'll feel much better. 1476 01:36:31,862 --> 01:36:34,092 [ Holden ] Okay. 1477 01:36:39,136 --> 01:36:43,038 Now, you guys are probably asking yourselves the same question... 1478 01:36:43,107 --> 01:36:47,066 that I've been going over and over in my head the past few weeks: 1479 01:36:47,144 --> 01:36:49,078 What does one have to do with the other? 1480 01:36:49,146 --> 01:36:50,374 Don't. 1481 01:36:50,447 --> 01:36:54,008 And when I did some serious soul-searching, 1482 01:36:54,084 --> 01:36:56,348 it came to me from outta nowhere. 1483 01:36:56,420 --> 01:37:01,517 And it all made sense. And a calm came over me. 1484 01:37:01,592 --> 01:37:04,652 I know what we have to do. 1485 01:37:04,728 --> 01:37:08,994 And then you, Banky, you, Alyssa, and I-- 1486 01:37:09,066 --> 01:37:14,003 all of us-- can finally be... all right. 1487 01:37:14,071 --> 01:37:16,301 Please don't say it. 1488 01:37:18,909 --> 01:37:21,844 We've all gotta have sex together. 1489 01:37:31,155 --> 01:37:33,089 I mean, look, don't you see? 1490 01:37:33,157 --> 01:37:36,888 That would take care of everything. 1491 01:37:36,960 --> 01:37:39,986 Alyssa, with you, I won't feel too inadequate or conservative anymore, 1492 01:37:40,063 --> 01:37:43,260 because I'll have done something on a par with all your experience. 1493 01:37:43,333 --> 01:37:48,032 And it will be with you, which will make it that much more powerful. 1494 01:37:48,105 --> 01:37:50,039 Banky, you can take that leap... 1495 01:37:50,107 --> 01:37:52,439 that everyone else but you sees you should take. 1496 01:37:52,509 --> 01:37:55,876 And it'll be with me, your best friend for years. 1497 01:37:55,946 --> 01:37:57,914 We've been everything to each other but intimates, 1498 01:37:57,981 --> 01:38:00,575 and now we'll have been through that together too. 1499 01:38:00,651 --> 01:38:03,415 And it won't be a total leap for you because a woman will be involved. 1500 01:38:03,487 --> 01:38:07,583 And when it's over, all that hostility you feel toward Alyssa will be gone... 1501 01:38:07,658 --> 01:38:10,456 because you'll have shared in something beautiful with the woman I love. 1502 01:38:10,527 --> 01:38:13,257 It'll be cathartic. 1503 01:38:13,330 --> 01:38:16,231 This will keep us together. 1504 01:38:19,703 --> 01:38:21,637 [ Exhales ] 1505 01:38:25,876 --> 01:38:28,310 What do ya say? 1506 01:38:34,229 --> 01:38:36,163 [ Exhales ] 1507 01:38:42,805 --> 01:38:44,739 Sure. 1508 01:39:00,622 --> 01:39:03,591 You know I need this. 1509 01:39:03,659 --> 01:39:06,253 You know it'll help. 1510 01:39:06,328 --> 01:39:08,660 No. 1511 01:39:08,730 --> 01:39:10,891 [ Sighs ] Thank Christ. 1512 01:39:13,502 --> 01:39:15,800 Sorry. 1513 01:39:21,710 --> 01:39:25,669 No? I thought you'd be into this. 1514 01:39:25,747 --> 01:39:30,150 You did? What does that say about me? 1515 01:39:30,219 --> 01:39:33,313 Sweetheart, you've done stuff like this before. 1516 01:39:33,388 --> 01:39:35,322 This should be no big deal for you. 1517 01:39:35,390 --> 01:39:39,759 You don't want this. You really don't want this. 1518 01:39:39,828 --> 01:39:45,528 No, I do want this. This has to happen. Can't you see that? 1519 01:39:45,601 --> 01:39:50,197 I mean, how can you not? No? What does that say about me? 1520 01:39:50,272 --> 01:39:52,604 You can take it from two guys whose names you can hardly remember, 1521 01:39:52,674 --> 01:39:56,872 but I ask you to share an experience about intimacy, and you say no? 1522 01:39:56,945 --> 01:40:01,439 - I can't. - Baby, yes, you can. 1523 01:40:01,517 --> 01:40:05,749 I'll be there. And when it's over we'll be the strongest we've ever been... 1524 01:40:05,821 --> 01:40:07,755 'cause we'll have been through this together. 1525 01:40:07,823 --> 01:40:11,816 Then we'll be on the same level and there'll be nothing we can't accomplish. 1526 01:40:11,894 --> 01:40:15,022 [ Crying ] Oh, Holden. 1527 01:40:17,366 --> 01:40:19,527 That time is over for me. 1528 01:40:19,601 --> 01:40:21,535 I've been there and I've done it... 1529 01:40:21,603 --> 01:40:25,505 and I didn't find what I was looking for in any of it. 1530 01:40:25,574 --> 01:40:29,510 I found that it you. In us. 1531 01:40:29,578 --> 01:40:33,241 Doing this won't help you forget about the things you're hung up on. 1532 01:40:33,315 --> 01:40:37,718 - It'll create more. - No. I've thought about all that. 1533 01:40:37,786 --> 01:40:40,755 Yes, it will! 1534 01:40:43,592 --> 01:40:47,790 [ Sobs ] Maybe you'll see me differently from then on. 1535 01:40:47,863 --> 01:40:53,062 Maybe you'll despise me for going along with it once you're in the moment. 1536 01:40:53,135 --> 01:40:55,069 Maybe I'll moan differently, 1537 01:40:55,137 --> 01:40:59,039 and then you'll resent Banky and become suspicious of us. 1538 01:40:59,107 --> 01:41:02,099 Or you'll alienate him because of it. 1539 01:41:02,177 --> 01:41:07,843 You'll grow to blame and hate me for the deterioration of your friendship. 1540 01:41:07,916 --> 01:41:11,147 Or what if-- and God, I sincerely doubt it-- 1541 01:41:11,219 --> 01:41:15,383 but what if I saw something in Banky that I've never seen before, 1542 01:41:15,457 --> 01:41:19,587 you know, and I fell in love with him and left you? 1543 01:41:20,662 --> 01:41:24,792 I've been down roads like this before. 1544 01:41:24,866 --> 01:41:26,800 Many times. 1545 01:41:29,838 --> 01:41:34,400 I know you feel doing this will broaden your horizons... 1546 01:41:34,476 --> 01:41:37,775 and give you experience. 1547 01:41:37,846 --> 01:41:42,681 But I've had those experiences, on my own. 1548 01:41:42,751 --> 01:41:46,312 And I can't accompany you on yours. 1549 01:41:46,388 --> 01:41:48,948 I'm past that now. 1550 01:41:52,127 --> 01:41:54,561 [ Sighing ] 1551 01:41:54,630 --> 01:41:58,157 Or maybe I just love you too much. 1552 01:41:58,233 --> 01:42:03,694 And I feel hurt and let down that you would want to share me with anyone. 1553 01:42:04,806 --> 01:42:08,173 Because I would never want to share you. 1554 01:42:14,116 --> 01:42:16,084 [ Sniffling ] 1555 01:42:20,288 --> 01:42:23,052 Regardless, 1556 01:42:23,125 --> 01:42:25,958 I can't be a part of this. 1557 01:42:26,028 --> 01:42:30,522 Or you. Not anymore. 1558 01:42:32,668 --> 01:42:36,764 [ Sighs ] I love you. 1559 01:42:36,838 --> 01:42:39,306 I always will. 1560 01:42:39,374 --> 01:42:42,309 Know that. 1561 01:42:48,850 --> 01:42:52,013 But I'm not your fucking whore. 1562 01:42:57,059 --> 01:42:58,993 He's yours again. 1563 01:43:02,531 --> 01:43:04,897 [ Footsteps Retreating ] 1564 01:43:38,233 --> 01:43:40,167 [ Sighs ] 1565 01:43:45,807 --> 01:43:48,833 [ Woman's Voice Over P.A., Crowd Chattering ] 1566 01:43:57,619 --> 01:43:59,553 A blast from the past. 1567 01:43:59,621 --> 01:44:02,385 Do you know how much it's going for these days? $110. 1568 01:44:02,457 --> 01:44:04,448 You sign it, it'll push that up even higher. 1569 01:44:04,526 --> 01:44:07,256 You sell it I want a kickback. 1570 01:44:07,329 --> 01:44:08,762 I don't know if it's true, 1571 01:44:08,830 --> 01:44:10,957 but I heard once there was going to be an animated series? 1572 01:44:11,032 --> 01:44:13,296 - There was going to be. - What happened? 1573 01:44:13,368 --> 01:44:16,394 You're lookin' at it. No Chronic, no cartoon. 1574 01:44:16,471 --> 01:44:19,804 - That would have been awesome! - Tell me about it. 1575 01:44:19,875 --> 01:44:22,639 So is that what happened with you and Holden McNeil? 1576 01:44:22,711 --> 01:44:25,236 You got into a fight over the rights or something? 1577 01:44:25,313 --> 01:44:28,612 - It was more complicated than that. - Whatever happened to that guy? 1578 01:44:28,683 --> 01:44:31,481 I don't know. Quit the biz, I guess. 1579 01:44:31,553 --> 01:44:33,544 So, you guys don't talk anymore? 1580 01:44:33,622 --> 01:44:37,581 No. Not really. 1581 01:44:37,659 --> 01:44:41,993 Yeah. That happened to me once. Me and this guy started a comic club. 1582 01:44:42,063 --> 01:44:47,091 And we got into a fight over who looked better in bare legs, Electra or Robin. 1583 01:44:47,169 --> 01:44:52,903 Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck out on my own, kinda like Nomad. 1584 01:44:52,974 --> 01:44:56,637 I'm rambling on now. What I meant to say is... 1585 01:44:56,711 --> 01:44:59,407 that you probably shouldn't have killed off Chronic. 1586 01:44:59,481 --> 01:45:03,884 Guess not. Some doors just shouldn't be opened. 1587 01:45:03,952 --> 01:45:06,648 Oh, like the door to death in Baby Dave's Winter Special, 1588 01:45:06,721 --> 01:45:08,655 which you did on your own. 1589 01:45:08,723 --> 01:45:12,955 See? You don't need that McNeil guy, anyway. You do great work on your own. 1590 01:45:13,028 --> 01:45:17,124 Look at your line work. Look at all the detail in this douche bag on page 18. 1591 01:45:17,199 --> 01:45:18,962 Look at how you draw a fart. 1592 01:45:19,034 --> 01:45:22,367 And tell me you're not better off without Holden McNeil. 1593 01:45:22,437 --> 01:45:25,031 I mean, you were just carrying that guy like a brown-bag lunch, 1594 01:45:25,106 --> 01:45:27,040 you know what I'm saying? 1595 01:45:27,108 --> 01:45:30,874 - You're so right. - Yeah, well, the true fans always are. 1596 01:45:30,946 --> 01:45:35,940 Well, keep up the good work, man. Love those dick jokes. Love 'em. 1597 01:45:38,286 --> 01:45:40,220 See ya. 1598 01:45:42,724 --> 01:45:44,658 Yeah. 1599 01:45:46,962 --> 01:45:48,896 Bye. 1600 01:46:00,642 --> 01:46:02,837 Okay. Who's next? 1601 01:46:04,613 --> 01:46:06,547 Hi. 1602 01:46:12,754 --> 01:46:15,655 Thanks for readin' it. 1603 01:46:15,724 --> 01:46:18,716 I can't believe this place. These people are so weird. 1604 01:46:18,793 --> 01:46:20,727 You wanted to come. 1605 01:46:20,795 --> 01:46:23,127 God, I can't believe you call these people contemporaries. 1606 01:46:23,198 --> 01:46:25,758 Look at this guy over here with the pointy ears? What's that? 1607 01:46:25,834 --> 01:46:27,768 - He's a Vulcan. - A what? 1608 01:46:27,836 --> 01:46:30,202 - A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer. - [ Laughs ] 1609 01:46:30,272 --> 01:46:32,763 Why don't you take a walk and get us something to drink? 1610 01:46:32,841 --> 01:46:34,274 Okay, I will. 1611 01:46:53,132 --> 01:46:55,157 Um, this isn't one of mine. 1612 01:46:55,234 --> 01:46:57,168 It's mine. 1613 01:46:58,804 --> 01:47:00,999 I saved you a copy. 1614 01:47:04,276 --> 01:47:06,210 Hi. 1615 01:47:06,278 --> 01:47:08,212 Hi. 1616 01:47:08,280 --> 01:47:10,612 How've you been? 1617 01:47:10,683 --> 01:47:15,120 Uh, good. Really good. Yourself? 1618 01:47:15,187 --> 01:47:17,121 Good. 1619 01:47:23,829 --> 01:47:27,424 The new issue's selling like crazy, for some reason. 1620 01:47:27,499 --> 01:47:31,230 Yeah, well, it's because it's really good. I liked it a lot. 1621 01:47:31,303 --> 01:47:33,237 Thank you. 1622 01:47:35,841 --> 01:47:38,537 I haven't even seen this yet. Did it just come out? 1623 01:47:38,611 --> 01:47:42,138 Uh, oh, about a month ago. I did a really small run. 1624 01:47:42,214 --> 01:47:44,307 Self-financed, only about 500 issues. 1625 01:47:44,383 --> 01:47:47,045 Will I enjoy it? 1626 01:47:48,253 --> 01:47:50,744 You might. It's familiar subject matter. 1627 01:48:08,273 --> 01:48:12,073 Looks like a very personal story. 1628 01:48:15,214 --> 01:48:19,310 [ Sighs ] I finally had something personal to say. 1629 01:48:24,323 --> 01:48:27,850 Well, I'm gonna go. I don't wanna hold up your line here. 1630 01:48:27,926 --> 01:48:30,486 Yeah. 1631 01:48:30,562 --> 01:48:34,498 I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw this nun call a small child a cunt-rag. 1632 01:48:34,566 --> 01:48:36,500 [ Chuckles ] 1633 01:48:42,941 --> 01:48:45,341 You know, read that, if you have a minute. 1634 01:48:45,411 --> 01:48:47,879 I will. 1635 01:48:51,617 --> 01:48:56,520 If you get the chance, call me. I'd like to hear your thoughts, or... whatever. 1636 01:48:56,588 --> 01:48:59,352 Okay. 1637 01:49:00,926 --> 01:49:02,860 Okay. 1638 01:49:05,197 --> 01:49:07,324 It was really nice seeing you again. 1639 01:49:07,399 --> 01:49:10,630 It was really nice to see you too. 1640 01:49:24,149 --> 01:49:27,448 - Who was that? - Huh? 1641 01:49:27,519 --> 01:49:29,384 Who was that? 1642 01:49:39,298 --> 01:49:43,394 Oh, just some guy I knew. 1643 01:49:56,715 --> 01:50:00,515 Next. So, what do you want to do tonight? 1644 01:50:01,820 --> 01:50:07,315 I was tappin' my foot on a Friday night 1645 01:50:07,392 --> 01:50:12,352 To my favorite band I was pushed aside 1646 01:50:12,431 --> 01:50:17,368 I said hey, don't push me No, no, no one pushes me 1647 01:50:17,436 --> 01:50:22,373 When I was face to face with a woman I admired 1648 01:50:22,441 --> 01:50:24,864 And she gave me this look 1649 01:50:24,997 --> 01:50:27,329 I could not believe 1650 01:50:27,400 --> 01:50:32,531 And the cold stare remained I wanted to leave 1651 01:50:34,941 --> 01:50:40,208 Yeah, I do believe anger is offset by sorrow 1652 01:50:40,279 --> 01:50:45,080 But you destroy today you might regret tomorrow 1653 01:50:45,151 --> 01:50:47,779 When you're young and defensive 1654 01:50:47,854 --> 01:50:50,186 It comes off offensive 1655 01:50:50,256 --> 01:50:55,159 And it's hard to repay the tolerance that you borrowed 1656 01:50:55,228 --> 01:51:00,393 The lasting relationship sinks right off the pier 1657 01:51:00,466 --> 01:51:05,062 Who wears the pants It's faded but clear 1658 01:51:07,573 --> 01:51:12,010 She's your girlfriend and she ain't too fond of me 1659 01:51:12,078 --> 01:51:17,778 I guess if that's the way it was meant to be 1660 01:51:17,850 --> 01:51:22,753 There we were just we three 1661 01:51:22,822 --> 01:51:26,485 You, your girlfriend and me 1662 01:51:49,582 --> 01:51:54,519 I've known you forever You two just met 1663 01:51:54,587 --> 01:51:59,149 So easily amused how fast we forget 1664 01:51:59,225 --> 01:52:04,356 Ain't my jealousy my self-righteous greed 1665 01:52:04,430 --> 01:52:09,197 She's a bit like a book I'm too farsighted to read 1666 01:52:09,268 --> 01:52:14,262 And I wish you the best but sometimes feel the need 1667 01:52:14,340 --> 01:52:18,538 To say Remember me 1668 01:52:21,047 --> 01:52:26,451 Yeah, she's your girlfriend as far as we can see 1669 01:52:26,519 --> 01:52:31,422 Does she look at you the way she looks at me 1670 01:52:31,490 --> 01:52:36,587 And here we are just we three 1671 01:52:36,662 --> 01:52:41,156 You, your girlfriend and me 1672 01:52:43,469 --> 01:52:48,304 She's your girlfriend it's gettin' harder to see 1673 01:52:48,374 --> 01:52:53,175 Better just take her home Better just let her be 1674 01:52:53,246 --> 01:52:58,445 When she walks out that door you come looking for me 1675 01:53:12,565 --> 01:53:15,090 [ Jay ] Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for? 1676 01:53:15,167 --> 01:53:17,761 - [ Silent Bob ] Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck.