1 00:00:15,062 --> 00:00:16,927 I wouldn't want to live his life... 2 00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:18,794 'cause he hasn't been happy all of his life. 3 00:00:18,832 --> 00:00:21,960 All I think is, if you can find work, stay healthy... 4 00:00:22,002 --> 00:00:24,698 find somebody to share it with, you're the ultimate success. 5 00:00:24,738 --> 00:00:26,603 He's had some of the pieces of the puzzle... 6 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,039 but not all of them. 7 00:00:29,509 --> 00:00:31,977 BURGER: "I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear..." 8 00:00:32,012 --> 00:00:34,640 REAGAN: I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear... 9 00:00:34,681 --> 00:00:36,740 BURGER: "That I will faithfully execute the office... 10 00:00:36,783 --> 00:00:39,183 "of President of the United States." 11 00:00:39,219 --> 00:00:41,278 That I will faithfully execute the office... 12 00:00:41,321 --> 00:00:43,312 [ Tone blares ] 13 00:00:45,092 --> 00:00:47,083 [ Cartoon music playing ] 14 00:00:49,563 --> 00:00:54,023 BARRIS: When you're young, your potential is infinite. 15 00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:57,036 You might do anything, really. 16 00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:59,504 You might be Einstein... 17 00:00:59,539 --> 00:01:03,236 you might be DiMaggio. 18 00:01:03,276 --> 00:01:06,268 Then you get to an age when what you might be... 19 00:01:06,313 --> 00:01:09,180 gives way to what you have been. 20 00:01:09,216 --> 00:01:11,116 You weren't Einstein. 21 00:01:11,151 --> 00:01:13,984 You weren't anything. 22 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:16,318 That's a bad moment. 23 00:01:28,702 --> 00:01:30,363 [ Knock on door ] 24 00:01:35,642 --> 00:01:38,304 Chuck, it's Pen. 25 00:01:38,345 --> 00:01:40,006 [ Peephole opens ] 26 00:01:40,046 --> 00:01:43,880 CHUCK: Hey! Jesus. How'd you find me? 27 00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:46,750 You wrote me your last letter on hotel stationery. 28 00:01:46,787 --> 00:01:51,281 CHUCK: Oh. It's great to see you, Pen. 29 00:01:51,324 --> 00:01:54,088 You look-- you look beautiful. 30 00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:55,958 PENNY: This place is scary. 31 00:01:55,996 --> 00:02:00,831 CHUCK: Yeah. The human psyche. 32 00:02:00,867 --> 00:02:03,734 PENNY: I came to take you back to California with me. 33 00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:05,237 CHUCK Uh, no... 34 00:02:05,272 --> 00:02:08,207 PENNY: It's a lonely state without you. 35 00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:10,232 CHUCK: I'm home, Red. 36 00:02:17,918 --> 00:02:22,446 I can't wait forever for you to marry me. 37 00:02:22,489 --> 00:02:28,086 Well, apparently, I can, but I really don't want to. 38 00:02:30,831 --> 00:02:32,321 CHUCK: Uh... 39 00:02:35,702 --> 00:02:38,227 PENNY, CRYING: I love you so much. 40 00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:46,775 PENNY: You don't understand. 41 00:02:46,813 --> 00:02:48,747 I don't even know why. 42 00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:51,114 CHUCK: Oh, Penny... 43 00:02:51,151 --> 00:02:54,348 Penny, Penny, Penny. [ Laughs ] 44 00:02:57,557 --> 00:02:59,548 [ Sighs ] 45 00:03:01,795 --> 00:03:04,593 [ Slow piano music playing ] 46 00:03:04,631 --> 00:03:07,623 [ Chuck closes peephole ] 47 00:03:12,372 --> 00:03:16,741 CHUCK: Listen, I gotta go, OK? I'm kind of busy right now. OK? 48 00:03:17,878 --> 00:03:20,039 BARRIS: It was 1981... 49 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,312 and I had holed myself up in this New York hotel... 50 00:03:24,351 --> 00:03:26,182 the Phoenix Hotel... 51 00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:30,019 terrified of everything, ashamed of my life. 52 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,054 Until, finally, I realized my salvation... 53 00:03:37,097 --> 00:03:40,294 might be in recording my wasted life unflinchingly. 54 00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:41,630 [ Typing ] 55 00:03:41,668 --> 00:03:45,729 Maybe it would serve as a cautionary tale... 56 00:03:45,772 --> 00:03:49,435 and maybe it would help me understand why. 57 00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:52,468 When I was 11, I had an experience... 58 00:03:52,512 --> 00:03:55,345 with my sister's friend Tuvia... 59 00:03:55,382 --> 00:03:57,077 that left an indelible impression. 60 00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:58,641 - Hey. - What? 61 00:03:58,685 --> 00:04:00,676 - Tuvia. - What?! 62 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,654 You want to lick it? 63 00:04:02,689 --> 00:04:05,715 [ Scoffs ] No. Why should I? 64 00:04:05,759 --> 00:04:08,125 Well, for one thing, it tastes like strawberry. 65 00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:10,391 My sister tells me you love strawberries. 66 00:04:10,430 --> 00:04:13,058 Yeah, well, I hate strawberries. 67 00:04:13,099 --> 00:04:14,293 CHUCK: No, I'm serious. 68 00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:16,495 It tastes exactly like a strawberry lollipop. 69 00:04:16,536 --> 00:04:17,969 TUVIA: Look, I know that's not true. 70 00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:21,030 - Well, I bet you it does. - I bet you it doesn't. 71 00:04:21,074 --> 00:04:23,235 CHUCK: I'll bet you a dollar. 72 00:04:25,645 --> 00:04:28,910 BARRIS: Tuvia... my first love. 73 00:04:28,949 --> 00:04:30,280 [ Typing ] 74 00:04:30,317 --> 00:04:33,081 Perhaps my whole life turned at that point. 75 00:04:33,119 --> 00:04:35,713 The repulsiveness of my sex confirmed... 76 00:04:35,755 --> 00:04:39,953 by the taste buds of a ripening pubescent girl. 77 00:04:39,993 --> 00:04:41,722 What are you doing? 78 00:04:41,761 --> 00:04:42,921 Get off me! 79 00:04:42,963 --> 00:04:44,430 And so I found myself... 80 00:04:44,464 --> 00:04:47,262 in a downward spiral of debauchery... 81 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,131 endlessly chasing pussy. 82 00:04:49,169 --> 00:04:50,830 [ Doo wop music playing ] 83 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,304 [ Loud kissing ] 84 00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:56,503 My only focus in life to get laid, to get blown... 85 00:04:56,543 --> 00:04:58,272 trying to fool myself into believing... 86 00:04:58,311 --> 00:04:59,710 that given the right combination... 87 00:04:59,746 --> 00:05:01,145 of circumstances and deception... 88 00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:03,206 maybe the Tuvias of the world... 89 00:05:03,249 --> 00:05:05,911 could desire me the way I desired them. 90 00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:07,283 [ Thwack ] 91 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,982 I only wanted to be loved. 92 00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:12,548 [ Moans softly ] 93 00:05:16,096 --> 00:05:17,256 CHUCK: No... 94 00:05:17,297 --> 00:05:18,491 [ Sobbing ] 95 00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:21,659 Won't you tell me why 96 00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:23,635 I love 97 00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:24,898 [ Zips pants ] 98 00:05:24,938 --> 00:05:26,838 That girly so 99 00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:28,170 [ Kissing ] 100 00:05:28,208 --> 00:05:32,167 She doesn't want me 101 00:05:32,212 --> 00:05:34,646 BARRIS: The constant inarticulate rage... 102 00:05:34,681 --> 00:05:38,481 led to bar fight after bar fight. 103 00:05:41,187 --> 00:05:43,178 [ Faint laughter ] 104 00:05:46,626 --> 00:05:48,389 TV ANNOUNCER: New York is a city of people... 105 00:05:48,428 --> 00:05:50,225 the only state in the union to stretch... 106 00:05:50,263 --> 00:05:52,663 from the Atlantic Ocean to the Great Lakes. 107 00:05:52,699 --> 00:05:55,190 Directly across the avenue is-- you're right again. 108 00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:56,702 BARRIS: I had heard that television... 109 00:05:56,736 --> 00:05:58,533 was an industry with a future... 110 00:05:58,571 --> 00:06:01,802 so I packed up and moved from Philly to Manhattan. 111 00:06:01,841 --> 00:06:03,632 [ NBC theme plays ] 112 00:06:03,677 --> 00:06:07,204 TOUR GUIDE: We began making commercial broadcasts in 1941. 113 00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:08,839 and in 1953... 114 00:06:08,882 --> 00:06:12,113 NBC made the first ever color telecast by a network... 115 00:06:12,152 --> 00:06:13,949 during "The Colgate Comedy Hour." 116 00:06:13,987 --> 00:06:15,784 Now we'll have a look at the studio... 117 00:06:15,822 --> 00:06:17,722 where they produce "The Today Show"... 118 00:06:17,757 --> 00:06:21,591 which NBC began broadcasting in 1952. 119 00:06:21,628 --> 00:06:22,993 CHUCK: Excuse me, miss. 120 00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:25,224 Do you know where I could apply for an NBC page? 121 00:06:25,265 --> 00:06:27,233 TOUR GUIDE: Such as "The Perry Como Show"... 122 00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:30,430 which you can tune into on Saturdays at 7:30. 123 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,028 "The Nat King Cole Show"... 124 00:06:32,072 --> 00:06:34,973 which you won't want to miss, on Tuesdays at 8 P.M. 125 00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,999 And hold on one second. 126 00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:41,470 OK. And my personal favorite... 127 00:06:41,514 --> 00:06:44,176 "The Lux Show" starring Rosemary Clooney... 128 00:06:44,217 --> 00:06:46,344 CHUCK: ...which you can enjoy every Thursday at 10:00. 129 00:06:46,386 --> 00:06:48,013 And of course, "The Steve Allen Show"... 130 00:06:48,054 --> 00:06:49,919 which delights us every Sunday at 8:00. 131 00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:51,924 You may also be interested to know that Steve Allen... 132 00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:54,950 actually got his start in entertainment as an NBC page. 133 00:06:54,994 --> 00:06:56,689 Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll follow me... 134 00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:58,493 MARY-ANN: Raymond, in accounting? 135 00:06:58,531 --> 00:07:00,158 He's kind of cute, huh? 136 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,828 WOMAN: Cute is all well and good, Mary-Ann... 137 00:07:02,869 --> 00:07:06,430 but what you want is a man who's going places-- 138 00:07:06,473 --> 00:07:10,034 A go-getter on the management fast track. 139 00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:11,634 MARY-ANN: What about Mr.Waters? 140 00:07:11,678 --> 00:07:15,170 CHUCK: Yeah, management training application, please. 141 00:07:15,215 --> 00:07:17,308 How many people have applied for this so far? 142 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:20,581 WOMAN: Let's see. Including you? About 2,000. 143 00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:23,054 - For how many positions? - Five. 144 00:07:25,225 --> 00:07:26,715 [ Bell dings ] 145 00:07:28,294 --> 00:07:29,784 Thanks, ma'am. 146 00:07:35,969 --> 00:07:37,960 BARRIS: Sometimes, as a younger man... 147 00:07:38,004 --> 00:07:40,199 I stretched the truth to get what I wanted. 148 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,434 GEORGIA: Tell me again! 149 00:07:41,474 --> 00:07:42,998 CHUCK: Head of network sales at 30. 150 00:07:43,042 --> 00:07:45,374 Head of the entire network by 40! 151 00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:48,073 I love you, Mr. Chuck Barris... 152 00:07:48,114 --> 00:07:50,878 management trainee. 153 00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:52,578 [ Both moaning ] 154 00:07:54,587 --> 00:07:56,054 BARRIS: Life was sweet... 155 00:07:56,089 --> 00:07:57,317 CHUCK: Uhh! 156 00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:02,287 For a minute. 157 00:08:02,328 --> 00:08:04,558 WOMAN ON TV: Everything's either madly exciting... 158 00:08:04,597 --> 00:08:07,691 or madly interesting. 159 00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:11,135 I hope Sally never bothers herself with you. 160 00:08:13,439 --> 00:08:15,805 [ Turns on faucet ] 161 00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:21,812 I got fired today. 162 00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:24,009 Fired? 163 00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:26,644 Yeah, fired. 164 00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:29,348 GEORGIA: Fired? 165 00:08:30,690 --> 00:08:32,817 What the fuck did you get fired for? 166 00:08:32,859 --> 00:08:34,827 CHUCK: I don't know. Efficiency cutbacks. 167 00:08:34,861 --> 00:08:37,489 Some bullshit. Look, it's gonna be fine. 168 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:43,868 I'm pregnant. 169 00:08:49,042 --> 00:08:52,341 So, I figured, I'm gonna skip town. 170 00:08:52,378 --> 00:08:54,471 I intend to be important, you know? 171 00:08:54,514 --> 00:08:58,143 I can't be saddled with this. Pbbt! 172 00:08:58,184 --> 00:09:02,245 But then I remembered something Carlyle said. 173 00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:07,419 "Do the duty which lies nearest thee." 174 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,859 So you see-- 175 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:11,056 MAN: Who's Carlyle? 176 00:09:13,199 --> 00:09:17,135 Dear God. Why do I even bother? 177 00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:19,798 Fuck you, you condescending prick. 178 00:09:21,975 --> 00:09:24,239 Pregnant? 179 00:09:24,277 --> 00:09:26,370 Yeah, pregnant. 180 00:09:26,412 --> 00:09:28,073 Fuck you. 181 00:09:28,114 --> 00:09:29,979 What the fuck did you get pregnant for? 182 00:09:30,016 --> 00:09:31,244 Fuck you. 183 00:09:31,284 --> 00:09:33,684 What do you mean, what the fuck did I get pregnant for? 184 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,348 You got me fucking pregnant, you fuck! 185 00:09:36,389 --> 00:09:37,356 Well, fuck you! 186 00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,357 Fuck you. 187 00:09:38,391 --> 00:09:40,985 - Fuckin'... - Fuck you. 188 00:09:41,027 --> 00:09:42,221 Fuck! 189 00:09:42,262 --> 00:09:44,230 Fuck you. 190 00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,624 [ Dramatic music playing on television ] 191 00:09:52,338 --> 00:09:54,670 GEORGIA: Looks like I was just late. 192 00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:03,440 Oh, yes, we had a great time. 193 00:10:03,483 --> 00:10:06,884 The crew loved him and loved the show, you know? 194 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,547 Because it was crazy. 195 00:10:08,588 --> 00:10:11,648 And we could do anything we wanted to, sort of, 196 00:10:11,691 --> 00:10:14,751 and, uh, yeah, they liked him very much. 197 00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:16,284 He was a good guy. 198 00:10:16,329 --> 00:10:19,765 Even though he's a prick, he's a good guy, too. 199 00:10:19,799 --> 00:10:21,994 DICK CLARK: "What is labeled a dream faculty. 200 00:10:22,035 --> 00:10:25,061 "Wouldn't school be wonderful if we had a faculty like this?" 201 00:10:25,104 --> 00:10:26,435 You read it, all right? 202 00:10:26,472 --> 00:10:29,600 GIRL: "Principal Sal Mineo. Vice Principal Tony Perkins..." 203 00:10:29,642 --> 00:10:31,337 CLARK: Couldn't you see going to a school... 204 00:10:31,377 --> 00:10:34,005 where Sal Mineo is the principal? 205 00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:36,948 BARRIS: In '61, I had become a minor suit at ABC. 206 00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:38,974 It was during the music payola scandal... 207 00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:41,452 so my job was to commute to Philly every day... 208 00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:43,921 to the "American Bandstand" tapings... 209 00:10:43,957 --> 00:10:45,686 to keep an eye on Dick Clark. 210 00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:47,625 CLARK: One more lady's choice of the afternoon to go... 211 00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,321 and suppose we make it this one. OK? 212 00:10:50,663 --> 00:10:51,857 BARRIS: On weekends... 213 00:10:51,898 --> 00:10:53,832 I used to hang around amusement parks... 214 00:10:53,866 --> 00:10:56,835 because that's where the young girls were. 215 00:10:56,869 --> 00:11:00,805 I wrote a song about my experiences. 216 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,637 When you stop at the top of a Ferris wheel... 217 00:11:02,675 --> 00:11:05,235 I got it to Freddy "Boom Boom" Cannon... 218 00:11:05,278 --> 00:11:07,439 through my friendship with Dick Clark. 219 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,040 Dick really wanted to help me out. 220 00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,311 CHUCK: Hi. 221 00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:13,876 - What? - Hi. 222 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,080 Oh. 223 00:11:15,121 --> 00:11:17,248 I wrote this song. 224 00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:18,621 Huh. 225 00:11:18,658 --> 00:11:23,027 It's number three on the pop charts. See? 226 00:11:23,062 --> 00:11:25,656 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 227 00:11:27,133 --> 00:11:30,000 I believe there's a great future in television. 228 00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:31,196 Uh-huh? 229 00:11:31,237 --> 00:11:34,832 So I'm gonna take my royalties and create a pilot. 230 00:11:34,874 --> 00:11:37,843 A pilot's what they call a test TV show. 231 00:11:37,877 --> 00:11:39,538 I work in TV. 232 00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:41,945 Yeah? What's your name? I'm Chuck. 233 00:11:41,981 --> 00:11:43,642 - Debbie. - Debbie. 234 00:11:43,683 --> 00:11:45,241 CHUCK: So, you live in Philly? 235 00:11:45,284 --> 00:11:46,808 DEBBIE: No, I live in Manhattan. 236 00:11:46,853 --> 00:11:48,218 CHUCK: It's gonna be a game show. 237 00:11:48,254 --> 00:11:50,279 I believe there's a great future in game shows. 238 00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:51,620 DEBBIE: Oh, that's good. 239 00:11:51,657 --> 00:11:55,388 CHUCK: Yeah. Everyone loves game shows, right? 240 00:11:55,428 --> 00:11:56,793 DEBBIE: I don't know. 241 00:11:56,829 --> 00:11:58,126 CHUCK: Well, they do. 242 00:11:58,164 --> 00:11:59,597 DEBBIE: Well, that's great, then. 243 00:11:59,632 --> 00:12:01,657 CHUCK: Ha ha ha. I'm on my way. 244 00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:04,101 [ Sighs ] 245 00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,976 PENNY: Hello. 246 00:12:17,016 --> 00:12:18,347 Hi. 247 00:12:18,384 --> 00:12:21,148 [ Breathes in ] 248 00:12:21,187 --> 00:12:24,520 CHUCK: Uh... don't be alarmed. I'm here with Debbie. 249 00:12:24,557 --> 00:12:27,526 Yeah, I figured that. Hungry? 250 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,858 Um, no, thanks. 251 00:12:29,896 --> 00:12:31,261 PENNY: Thirsty? 252 00:12:31,297 --> 00:12:35,597 Sure, if you have a beer or... 253 00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:45,267 How was sex with Debbie? I always wanted to know. 254 00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:48,872 It was good. Fine. Thanks for asking. 255 00:12:48,915 --> 00:12:51,076 No problem. 256 00:12:51,117 --> 00:12:53,381 I just got fucked by this drummer cat, 257 00:12:53,419 --> 00:12:55,478 a real righteous Negro hipster. 258 00:12:55,521 --> 00:12:57,113 Heh. Interesting. 259 00:12:57,156 --> 00:12:58,953 I'm into the brotherhood of man. 260 00:12:58,991 --> 00:13:01,084 I fucked an Oriental last week. 261 00:13:01,127 --> 00:13:03,687 - What are you? - Jew. 262 00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:06,027 I had one of those once, but he was Sephardic. 263 00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:08,056 [ Mispronounces ] You look Ashke-nazi. 264 00:13:08,101 --> 00:13:10,797 - Ashkenazi. - Right, Ashke-nazi. 265 00:13:10,837 --> 00:13:13,863 I haven't had one of those yet. 266 00:13:13,906 --> 00:13:15,874 You're romantic. 267 00:13:15,908 --> 00:13:17,637 Yeah. I just don't get into all the bullshit... 268 00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:19,577 between cats and chicks. 269 00:13:19,612 --> 00:13:21,876 - I know what you mean. - You know what I mean? 270 00:13:21,914 --> 00:13:23,575 Besides, you just give your heart to one cat... 271 00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:24,810 and you get hurt. 272 00:13:24,851 --> 00:13:26,341 Don't I know it? 273 00:13:31,057 --> 00:13:33,423 PENNY: We could ball if you want. 274 00:13:34,494 --> 00:13:36,428 [ Both laugh ] 275 00:13:36,462 --> 00:13:37,759 CHUCK: Whoa-ho-ho. 276 00:13:39,132 --> 00:13:40,429 That would be good. 277 00:13:40,466 --> 00:13:43,731 Yeah, but... ha ha ha! 278 00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:47,068 I'm here with Debbie. It doesn't seem right. 279 00:13:47,106 --> 00:13:48,437 [ Laughing ] 280 00:13:52,979 --> 00:13:55,311 That's true. I didn't think of that. 281 00:13:57,116 --> 00:14:00,108 Well, I'm going to bed. It was nice meeting you. 282 00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:02,121 Hey, what's your name? 283 00:14:03,923 --> 00:14:06,187 I'm Penny. 284 00:14:06,225 --> 00:14:07,624 I'm Chuck. 285 00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:09,423 - Chuck Barris. - Yeah. 286 00:14:09,462 --> 00:14:11,089 Yeah, you wrote that Palisades song. 287 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:13,598 - I really like that song. - Oh, thanks. 288 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:15,362 Yeah, it's real sentimental bullshit. 289 00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:17,801 CHUCK: Oh, right. 290 00:14:17,837 --> 00:14:19,828 [ "Palisades Park" playing ] 291 00:14:23,609 --> 00:14:26,339 Last night I took a walk after dark 292 00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:29,177 A swingin' place called Palisades Park 293 00:14:29,215 --> 00:14:33,174 To have some fun and see what I could see 294 00:14:33,219 --> 00:14:35,050 That's where the girls are 295 00:14:35,087 --> 00:14:37,783 I took a ride on the shoot-the-chute 296 00:14:37,823 --> 00:14:40,724 That girl I sat beside was awful cute 297 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:45,060 After it stopped, she was holding hands with me 298 00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:47,258 My heart was flyin' up 299 00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:49,268 Like a rocket ship 300 00:14:49,302 --> 00:14:52,066 Down, like a roller coaster 301 00:14:52,104 --> 00:14:54,470 Back, like a loop-the-loop 302 00:14:54,507 --> 00:14:57,999 And around, like a merry-go-round 303 00:14:58,044 --> 00:15:00,877 We ate and ate at a hot dog stand 304 00:15:00,913 --> 00:15:03,746 We danced around to a rockin' band 305 00:15:03,783 --> 00:15:07,446 And when I could, I gave that girl a hug 306 00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:09,454 In the Tunnel of Love 307 00:15:09,488 --> 00:15:11,888 You'll never know how great a kiss can feel 308 00:15:11,924 --> 00:15:14,722 When you stop at the top of a Ferris wheel 309 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,728 When I fell in love 310 00:15:16,762 --> 00:15:19,822 Down at Palisades Park 311 00:15:19,865 --> 00:15:21,730 Whoa-oh-oh-oh 312 00:15:21,767 --> 00:15:23,735 [ People at park scream ] 313 00:15:23,769 --> 00:15:25,760 [ Song fades out ] 314 00:15:29,308 --> 00:15:31,076 PENNY: Last night in my dream... 315 00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:34,045 this ape and I are sitting staring at each other... 316 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,674 and it was, like, across time and evolution. 317 00:15:36,716 --> 00:15:38,513 And then he started talking... 318 00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:40,985 but in a language I didn't really understand. 319 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,853 [ Laughs ] Swiss, maybe. 320 00:15:43,889 --> 00:15:48,849 And then he tuned into Perry Como, real square. 321 00:15:48,894 --> 00:15:51,021 - What's wrong with you? - Nothing. 322 00:15:51,063 --> 00:15:52,655 PENNY: You know, just because we fucked... 323 00:15:52,698 --> 00:15:54,256 doesn't mean there are strings now. 324 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:55,562 CHUCK: [ Laughs ] OK. 325 00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:57,330 PENNY: I just wanted to tell you about my dream. 326 00:15:57,370 --> 00:16:00,134 Nothing more complicated than that. Don't panic. 327 00:16:00,172 --> 00:16:03,164 I'm just not used to all this dating bullshit. 328 00:16:03,209 --> 00:16:04,437 Now we're a couple. 329 00:16:04,477 --> 00:16:06,968 Now I'm obliged to give a shit what you say. 330 00:16:07,013 --> 00:16:09,743 PENNY: Don't worry. I'm not into those games. 331 00:16:09,782 --> 00:16:13,183 So anyway, the monkey turns into Perry Como... 332 00:16:13,219 --> 00:16:14,413 and I say-- 333 00:16:14,453 --> 00:16:16,045 - Holy fuck. - What? 334 00:16:16,088 --> 00:16:17,988 CHUCK: Holy, holy fuck. 335 00:16:18,024 --> 00:16:21,619 You just gave me an idea for a show. Fuck! 336 00:16:21,661 --> 00:16:23,185 PENNY: A show about monkeys? 337 00:16:23,229 --> 00:16:25,129 CHUCK: No, about people. 338 00:16:25,164 --> 00:16:27,291 About sex, about romance, 339 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,769 about the bullshit of dating. 340 00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:33,294 I call it "The Dating Game"... 341 00:16:33,339 --> 00:16:36,365 and that's what it's about, Mr.Goldberg. 342 00:16:36,409 --> 00:16:39,845 A pretty girl asks three handsome guys, 343 00:16:39,879 --> 00:16:42,575 who she can't see, silly questions... 344 00:16:42,615 --> 00:16:44,583 and based on their answers... 345 00:16:44,617 --> 00:16:48,280 she picks one to date, and we pay for the date. 346 00:16:48,321 --> 00:16:50,016 That's it. That's the show. 347 00:16:55,194 --> 00:16:58,425 CHUCK: Aah! Aah! Aah! 348 00:16:58,464 --> 00:17:00,989 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 349 00:17:01,033 --> 00:17:03,331 - Hot damn! - What, what, what? 350 00:17:03,369 --> 00:17:04,631 - They bought it! - Yeah! 351 00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:06,331 CHUCK: They bought it! 352 00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:09,808 They're giving me 7,500 fuckin' dollars to make a pilot! 353 00:17:09,842 --> 00:17:12,037 PENNY: We gotta go celebrate! Let's go roller skating! 354 00:17:12,078 --> 00:17:13,477 CHUCK: I can't! I got a date! 355 00:17:13,512 --> 00:17:15,036 PENNY: OK, cool. Will you call me after? 356 00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:17,879 - OK! - OK! Bye! Mwah! 357 00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:19,908 [ Upbeat music playing ] 358 00:17:41,207 --> 00:17:42,640 [ No audio ] 359 00:18:10,136 --> 00:18:11,831 BARRIS: I figured I was in. 360 00:18:11,871 --> 00:18:14,032 All I had to do was get the pilot made... 361 00:18:14,073 --> 00:18:15,267 [ Camera clicks ] 362 00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:17,434 and I'd be a millionaire. 363 00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:20,104 Everyone would love me. 364 00:18:20,146 --> 00:18:23,809 Was anyone ever so young? 365 00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:25,316 - No. - No. 366 00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:26,511 - No. - No. 367 00:18:26,552 --> 00:18:29,783 - No. - All right. Lose it. 368 00:18:29,822 --> 00:18:32,256 BARRIS: ABC didn't like "The Dating Game." 369 00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:34,521 They did like a show called "Hootenanny." 370 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,551 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I like this one. 371 00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:39,689 CHUCK: Well, he led an amazingly long life. 372 00:18:39,732 --> 00:18:41,723 BARRIS: Hooten-fuckin'-nanny. 373 00:18:46,005 --> 00:18:47,302 PENNY: What do they know? 374 00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:50,001 That's long for a dog. 375 00:18:51,911 --> 00:18:54,209 I don't know. Probably about 70 to you and me. 376 00:18:59,452 --> 00:19:01,215 [ Sighs ] Uh-huh. 377 00:19:02,555 --> 00:19:05,888 It's nine years to every one of ours. 378 00:19:05,925 --> 00:19:08,416 [ Thump ] PENNY: Ha ha ha! 379 00:19:08,461 --> 00:19:10,452 [ Bag rustles ] 380 00:19:12,031 --> 00:19:13,328 CHUCK: Yeah. 381 00:19:13,365 --> 00:19:14,696 [ Penny laughing ] 382 00:19:16,969 --> 00:19:18,266 Uh-huh. 383 00:19:18,304 --> 00:19:20,966 I'm sorry about your show. 384 00:19:21,006 --> 00:19:24,965 What? How long has he been dead? 385 00:19:25,010 --> 00:19:26,978 Jesus, Phoebe, that's-- 386 00:19:27,012 --> 00:19:28,536 Yeah. No, I'll hold on. 387 00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:30,549 - Is that your mom? - My sister. 388 00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:34,713 Come here. Oh, yeah. I got you these. 389 00:19:34,753 --> 00:19:36,084 Listen, Pen, I'm not-- 390 00:19:36,121 --> 00:19:38,487 I want to tell you something. I talked to a psychic today. 391 00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:40,492 - A what? - A psychic. 392 00:19:40,526 --> 00:19:43,495 And she said that you are gonna be very successful. 393 00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:46,327 - Oh, really? - Very successful. 394 00:19:46,365 --> 00:19:49,892 - Tarot cards? - Tea leaves. 395 00:19:49,935 --> 00:19:52,836 Say that again, Phoebe. I missed it. 396 00:19:52,872 --> 00:19:57,468 Tuvia? No, why would I have seen her? 397 00:19:57,510 --> 00:20:00,911 - She did? - Who's Tuvia? 398 00:20:00,946 --> 00:20:04,040 - To Manhattan? - Who's Tuvia? 399 00:20:05,518 --> 00:20:06,712 Yeah. 400 00:20:09,588 --> 00:20:10,782 CHUCK: Uh-huh. 401 00:20:14,026 --> 00:20:15,186 Oh, your niece. 402 00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:17,821 CHUCK: Divorced? Really? 403 00:20:17,863 --> 00:20:20,127 I didn't know she got married. 404 00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,360 Yes? 405 00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:26,833 Hi, Tuvia. 406 00:20:29,675 --> 00:20:32,701 Well, if it isn't Strawberry Dick Barris. 407 00:20:32,745 --> 00:20:35,305 - What do you want? - Ha ha ha! 408 00:20:35,347 --> 00:20:38,339 I'm back in town for a while, and I thought maybe-- 409 00:20:38,384 --> 00:20:39,908 TUVIA: Jesus, you gotta be kidding. 410 00:20:39,952 --> 00:20:41,351 CHUCK: We could go out and get an ice cream cone. 411 00:20:41,387 --> 00:20:43,753 He's so convincing when he's-- Heh heh-- 412 00:20:43,789 --> 00:20:45,222 when he's talkin' with you... 413 00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:47,487 he could convince you of anything, you know? 414 00:20:47,526 --> 00:20:49,494 He's one of the very few guys... 415 00:20:49,528 --> 00:20:53,328 I'd like to have on my side in a street fight. 416 00:20:53,365 --> 00:20:55,526 CHUCK: You wanna fight, you big pile of shit? 417 00:20:55,568 --> 00:20:56,830 [ Thud ] 418 00:20:56,869 --> 00:20:58,860 [ Grunting and shouting ] 419 00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:10,546 You're a pretty angry young fella. 420 00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:12,574 Can't fight worth a damn, though. 421 00:21:12,618 --> 00:21:14,085 CHUCK: Hey, screw off, queer. 422 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:15,814 Don't think I haven't seen you watching me... 423 00:21:15,854 --> 00:21:17,287 in that bar for a week now. 424 00:21:17,323 --> 00:21:19,223 Kind of a loner, I'd say. 425 00:21:19,258 --> 00:21:21,692 Fairly bright, a tad antisocial. 426 00:21:21,727 --> 00:21:24,252 Mad at the world. Can I buy you lunch? 427 00:21:24,296 --> 00:21:27,754 [ Sighs ] Look, there's a schoolyard half a block down. 428 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,735 Why don't you go trollin' there? 429 00:21:30,769 --> 00:21:32,930 JIM: I can teach you at least 30 different ways... 430 00:21:32,972 --> 00:21:35,600 to kill a man with a single blow, Mr.Barris. 431 00:21:35,641 --> 00:21:37,302 It might help in future bar fights. 432 00:21:37,343 --> 00:21:39,937 Just a thought. 433 00:21:39,979 --> 00:21:43,107 Oh, and there's money in it, good money. 434 00:21:44,316 --> 00:21:46,807 CHUCK: I figure if I can keep afloat... 435 00:21:46,852 --> 00:21:49,150 until I come up with the next game show idea... 436 00:21:49,188 --> 00:21:51,213 then all would be copacetic. 437 00:21:51,256 --> 00:21:53,656 That sounds great, Chuck. 438 00:21:53,692 --> 00:21:56,024 I've never known a television producer before. 439 00:21:56,061 --> 00:21:57,460 I'm impressed. 440 00:21:57,496 --> 00:21:59,464 [ Chuckles ] Yeah. OK. 441 00:21:59,498 --> 00:22:01,932 What's this money and a deal you were talking about? 442 00:22:01,967 --> 00:22:04,367 JIM: I work for a government agency. 443 00:22:04,403 --> 00:22:06,963 We're always looking for good, enthusiastic men... 444 00:22:07,006 --> 00:22:09,338 to help us carry out our directives. 445 00:22:15,614 --> 00:22:18,606 What kind of work? What government agency? 446 00:22:19,952 --> 00:22:22,853 Problem-solving work. 447 00:22:22,888 --> 00:22:24,788 The Office of Diplomatic Security. 448 00:22:24,823 --> 00:22:28,418 [ Laughs ] Office of what? I never heard of it. 449 00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:30,860 Is that the fuckin' CIA or something? 450 00:22:30,896 --> 00:22:33,456 Ha ha ha ha ha! 451 00:22:33,499 --> 00:22:35,831 JIM: Please be discreet, Mr.Barris. 452 00:22:48,881 --> 00:22:50,314 [ Whispers ] Jesus. 453 00:22:50,349 --> 00:22:52,408 Is this the fuckin' CIA? 454 00:22:54,186 --> 00:22:56,154 Yeah. Hell, I'll be a spy. 455 00:22:56,188 --> 00:22:58,713 Where do I sign up? Are you fuckin' with me? 456 00:22:58,757 --> 00:23:00,088 You're fuckin' with me, aren't you? 457 00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:01,820 JIM: Hardly. 458 00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:03,828 And you wouldn't be working for the company. 459 00:23:03,862 --> 00:23:06,660 You'd be an independent contract agent. 460 00:23:06,699 --> 00:23:07,996 Independent. 461 00:23:08,033 --> 00:23:10,297 No official tie to any agency. 462 00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:13,361 Understand? 463 00:23:16,475 --> 00:23:17,942 Why me? 464 00:23:19,445 --> 00:23:21,879 Well, as you know, I've been watching you. 465 00:23:21,914 --> 00:23:23,472 For quite some time, actually. 466 00:23:23,515 --> 00:23:26,040 I've only let you know about it for the last week. 467 00:23:26,085 --> 00:23:31,216 I'm happy to report you fit our profile, Mr.Barris. 468 00:23:31,256 --> 00:23:33,087 Are you interested in the work? 469 00:23:36,028 --> 00:23:37,325 What's the profile? 470 00:23:37,362 --> 00:23:41,594 JIM: Are you interested in the work, Mr.Barris? 471 00:23:41,633 --> 00:23:44,158 Yeah, sure. I wanna be a secret agent. 472 00:23:44,203 --> 00:23:45,761 A contract agent, whatever. 473 00:23:45,804 --> 00:23:48,102 Get to fuck beautiful Eastern European women-- 474 00:23:48,140 --> 00:23:50,574 What we do is very serious, Mr.Barris. 475 00:23:50,609 --> 00:23:53,601 It's essential in quelling the rise of communism... 476 00:23:53,645 --> 00:23:56,136 and allowing democracy to get its rightful foothold... 477 00:23:56,181 --> 00:23:58,172 around the globe. 478 00:23:58,217 --> 00:24:00,344 You understand? 479 00:24:02,020 --> 00:24:04,045 Uh... sure. 480 00:24:04,089 --> 00:24:05,454 Yeah, uh... 481 00:24:05,491 --> 00:24:08,324 Yeah, OK. That's good. 482 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,691 [ Clears throat ] 483 00:24:23,142 --> 00:24:26,305 INSTRUCTOR: There are several efficient methods... 484 00:24:26,345 --> 00:24:28,142 for killing a man... 485 00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:30,080 were you to find yourself without a weapon. 486 00:24:30,115 --> 00:24:33,278 The edge of your hand... 487 00:24:33,318 --> 00:24:35,752 against your adversary's Adam's apple. 488 00:24:35,788 --> 00:24:38,188 This will crush his windpipe... 489 00:24:38,223 --> 00:24:40,987 causing strangulation... 490 00:24:41,026 --> 00:24:42,425 and death. 491 00:24:45,430 --> 00:24:46,920 Hyuhh! 492 00:24:46,965 --> 00:24:48,455 [ Man gagging ] 493 00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:49,990 Shit! 494 00:24:51,703 --> 00:24:53,864 I need another volunteer. 495 00:24:53,906 --> 00:24:55,771 [ Man gasping ] 496 00:24:55,808 --> 00:24:58,174 You're training me to be a killer. 497 00:24:58,210 --> 00:25:00,303 See, Chuck? I knew you were fairly bright. 498 00:25:00,345 --> 00:25:03,803 I'm not killin' people. My future's in television. 499 00:25:03,849 --> 00:25:07,182 You're 32 years old, and you've achieved nothing. 500 00:25:07,219 --> 00:25:09,983 Jesus Christ was dead and alive again by 33. 501 00:25:10,022 --> 00:25:11,284 You better get crackin'. 502 00:25:11,323 --> 00:25:13,348 - I have ideas for shows. - Good. 503 00:25:13,392 --> 00:25:15,917 Why don't you spend another six months developing them... 504 00:25:15,961 --> 00:25:17,258 while you're staring out the window... 505 00:25:17,296 --> 00:25:20,163 waiting for Larry Goldberg to call? 506 00:25:20,199 --> 00:25:21,530 How do you know all this? 507 00:25:21,567 --> 00:25:23,762 I know everything about you, Chuck. 508 00:25:23,802 --> 00:25:25,633 I know which hand you jerk off with. 509 00:25:25,671 --> 00:25:29,300 Left. Leave in the morning, if you want. 510 00:25:29,341 --> 00:25:32,538 I'm here to tell you, this is honest work for good pay. 511 00:25:32,578 --> 00:25:34,136 You're making the world safer... 512 00:25:34,179 --> 00:25:36,170 and your country will be grateful. 513 00:25:37,616 --> 00:25:39,982 It'll toughen you up. 514 00:25:40,018 --> 00:25:42,509 CHUCK: Wait a second! 515 00:25:42,554 --> 00:25:45,022 Hey, we gotta talk about this. 516 00:25:45,057 --> 00:25:49,494 BARRIS: And there it was, my defining moment. 517 00:25:49,528 --> 00:25:52,122 I wasn't just gonna work for the CIA. 518 00:25:52,164 --> 00:25:54,655 I was gonna kill for them. 519 00:25:56,602 --> 00:25:58,866 Call it patriotism. 520 00:25:58,904 --> 00:26:00,531 [ Gunfire ] 521 00:26:00,572 --> 00:26:02,506 [ Dramatic music playing ] 522 00:26:39,945 --> 00:26:41,640 Glycerine is, of course... 523 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,979 the best known nitrating agent. 524 00:26:45,017 --> 00:26:50,045 Keep in mind, though, that nitro... glycerine... 525 00:26:50,088 --> 00:26:52,113 is extremely unstable. 526 00:26:54,259 --> 00:26:56,750 A slight tap... 527 00:26:56,795 --> 00:27:00,697 a one-degree change in temperature... 528 00:27:00,732 --> 00:27:03,326 and it'll blow up in your hands. 529 00:27:06,972 --> 00:27:09,099 So, let's mix us up a batch! 530 00:27:09,141 --> 00:27:12,372 Everybody take your 75-milliliter beaker... 531 00:27:12,411 --> 00:27:14,402 and fill it up to the 13-milliliter level... 532 00:27:14,446 --> 00:27:17,313 with red-hot fumin' nitric acid, 533 00:27:17,349 --> 00:27:19,340 98% concentration. 534 00:27:22,988 --> 00:27:24,615 The field phone-- 535 00:27:24,656 --> 00:27:27,386 used as an instrument of interrogation... 536 00:27:27,426 --> 00:27:28,916 or torture. 537 00:27:30,662 --> 00:27:32,493 [ Electricity crackles ] 538 00:27:33,765 --> 00:27:37,360 Attaching firmly to the genitalia. 539 00:27:37,402 --> 00:27:39,768 [ Fizzing and popping ] 540 00:27:39,805 --> 00:27:41,796 Hey, Ivan! 541 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,240 Are you now, or have you ever been... 542 00:27:44,276 --> 00:27:45,743 a member of the Communist Party? 543 00:27:45,777 --> 00:27:49,235 What's your Aunt Tillie's recipe for vodka cookies? 544 00:27:49,281 --> 00:27:51,442 [ Laughs ] 545 00:28:00,792 --> 00:28:02,623 All right, Jack. 546 00:28:02,661 --> 00:28:04,322 Take care, Lee. 547 00:28:25,317 --> 00:28:26,978 [ Starts engine ] 548 00:28:30,155 --> 00:28:32,680 I know a lot about him that you are not gonna know. 549 00:28:32,724 --> 00:28:34,123 I can't tell you. 550 00:28:34,159 --> 00:28:35,717 Yeah. 551 00:28:35,761 --> 00:28:40,061 I know some things about him that are very distressing... 552 00:28:40,098 --> 00:28:41,861 and, um... 553 00:28:41,900 --> 00:28:45,165 and you wouldn't want to know them about him. 554 00:28:45,203 --> 00:28:47,865 [ Music playing ] 555 00:28:58,250 --> 00:29:00,514 CHUCK: So, what did this guy Renda do, anyway? 556 00:29:00,552 --> 00:29:02,452 It's your job to follow directives... 557 00:29:02,487 --> 00:29:03,920 not question their validity. 558 00:29:03,955 --> 00:29:07,391 CHUCK: Uh... oh. Por favor, uh, senor-- 559 00:29:07,426 --> 00:29:08,654 No hablo ingles. 560 00:29:08,693 --> 00:29:10,854 Ra-blah-blah los bloteros? 561 00:29:10,896 --> 00:29:12,227 [ Speaks Spanish ] 562 00:29:12,264 --> 00:29:14,960 Ra-blah-blah la minjares? 563 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,558 Hermano, help me, please. 564 00:29:16,601 --> 00:29:19,661 - Sennor, no habla ingles. - No, no, no, no. 565 00:29:19,704 --> 00:29:21,501 BENITEZ: Can I be of some assistance? 566 00:29:21,540 --> 00:29:22,734 JIM: He's a bad guy. 567 00:29:22,774 --> 00:29:26,175 He's one of the bad guys. 568 00:29:26,211 --> 00:29:27,906 Bad for the U.S., right, Jim? 569 00:29:27,946 --> 00:29:30,676 Not bad in an absolute sense, just bad for the U.S. 570 00:29:30,715 --> 00:29:32,182 Don't fuckin' dance with me. 571 00:29:32,217 --> 00:29:34,515 Renda's bad for the Tea and Biscuit Company. 572 00:29:34,553 --> 00:29:35,952 He's bad for me personally. 573 00:29:35,987 --> 00:29:38,751 You work for me. Renda's bad for me. 574 00:29:38,790 --> 00:29:41,020 You're now officially a patriotic citizen... 575 00:29:41,059 --> 00:29:42,890 of the United States of Jim Byrd. 576 00:29:42,928 --> 00:29:45,897 There's no backing out now. We've let you in on everything. 577 00:29:45,931 --> 00:29:47,660 You don't play, you don't leave. 578 00:29:47,699 --> 00:29:51,499 Understand that? You don't play, you don't leave. 579 00:29:55,173 --> 00:29:57,368 JIM: I like you. I do. 580 00:29:57,409 --> 00:29:59,206 And you're gonna do fine tomorrow... 581 00:29:59,244 --> 00:30:01,474 and we're gonna become good friends. 582 00:30:07,119 --> 00:30:08,848 You can have a nice little career... 583 00:30:08,887 --> 00:30:11,481 but you have to grow up. There's a war on. 584 00:30:18,530 --> 00:30:19,997 [ Starts engine ] 585 00:30:32,744 --> 00:30:34,405 [ Insects buzzing ] 586 00:30:38,316 --> 00:30:40,477 [ "Star Spangled Banner" playing ] 587 00:30:54,466 --> 00:30:56,832 JIM: Beautiful country, isn't it? 588 00:30:56,868 --> 00:30:59,496 CHUCK: Yeah. 589 00:30:59,538 --> 00:31:03,201 You did us proud today, Chuck. 590 00:31:03,241 --> 00:31:06,904 Renda was a bad guy. He really was. 591 00:31:11,616 --> 00:31:13,607 [ Chuck vomiting ] 592 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,686 Chuck, is that you? 593 00:31:17,722 --> 00:31:20,885 Jesus Christ, Pen! You scared the shit out of me. 594 00:31:20,926 --> 00:31:22,257 - Were you throwing up? - What are you doing here? 595 00:31:22,294 --> 00:31:23,591 I've been crashing here for a while. 596 00:31:23,628 --> 00:31:25,721 I've been waiting for you. Where you been? 597 00:31:25,764 --> 00:31:27,698 Mexico. I was just on a little vacation. 598 00:31:27,732 --> 00:31:29,927 You didn't drink the water, did you? 599 00:31:29,968 --> 00:31:32,198 - Yeah. - You're not supposed to. 600 00:31:32,237 --> 00:31:33,499 That's Montessori's revenge. 601 00:31:33,538 --> 00:31:35,165 - Montezuma's. - Right. 602 00:31:35,207 --> 00:31:37,072 You can't even open your eyes or your mouth... 603 00:31:37,108 --> 00:31:38,803 when you take a shower there. 604 00:31:38,843 --> 00:31:41,471 Why is our water so good, and their water is poisoned? 605 00:31:41,513 --> 00:31:44,539 - It's in the same ocean. - I don't know. 606 00:31:44,583 --> 00:31:47,017 - Oh! - Huh. 607 00:31:47,052 --> 00:31:50,647 Um... I'm a hippie now. 608 00:31:50,689 --> 00:31:52,020 [ Both laugh ] 609 00:31:52,057 --> 00:31:53,957 Wow. Great. 610 00:31:53,992 --> 00:31:56,187 I've been to San Francisco, and it's amazing there. 611 00:31:56,228 --> 00:31:58,560 [ Snaps fingers ] Everybody loves everybody... 612 00:31:58,597 --> 00:31:59,825 and there's so many colors. 613 00:31:59,864 --> 00:32:01,593 And we're gonna change the world. 614 00:32:01,633 --> 00:32:03,658 [ Snaps fingers ] 615 00:32:03,702 --> 00:32:06,193 Will you come back there and be my old man with me? 616 00:32:06,238 --> 00:32:09,139 Ha ha! Well, not that old. 617 00:32:09,174 --> 00:32:11,005 Penny, I'm a little tired now, so maybe-- 618 00:32:11,042 --> 00:32:13,340 Oh, wait, wait. I got to play you this song. 619 00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:21,141 [ "Sunshine Superman" playing ] 620 00:32:34,266 --> 00:32:36,757 DONOVAN: Sunshine came softly 621 00:32:36,801 --> 00:32:39,770 Through my window today... 622 00:32:39,804 --> 00:32:43,240 CHUCK: Penny, what did you do to my wall? 623 00:32:43,275 --> 00:32:46,733 Some guy called, Gold bird. 624 00:32:46,778 --> 00:32:49,110 Gold bird. Larry Goldberg? 625 00:32:49,147 --> 00:32:51,547 You're kidding me! 626 00:32:51,583 --> 00:32:55,679 Hi. This is Chuck Barris retuning for Larry Goldberg. 627 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,052 - Hi, Chuck. - Mr.Goldberg. 628 00:32:58,089 --> 00:33:00,023 I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you right away. 629 00:33:00,058 --> 00:33:02,219 I was out of town. I was on vacation in Mexico. 630 00:33:02,260 --> 00:33:03,591 Good for you. 631 00:33:03,628 --> 00:33:05,653 Listen, I'm sitting here and going through things... 632 00:33:05,697 --> 00:33:08,029 and I have a hole in my daytime schedule. 633 00:33:08,066 --> 00:33:10,159 I think it might be right for you and your baby. 634 00:33:10,201 --> 00:33:11,668 My baby, Mr.Goldberg? 635 00:33:11,703 --> 00:33:15,070 Chuck, "Dating Game." Isn't that your baby? 636 00:33:15,106 --> 00:33:17,404 - Yes, sir, it is. - You still interested? 637 00:33:17,442 --> 00:33:19,103 Yes, sir. Very interested, sir. 638 00:33:19,144 --> 00:33:20,941 I've got six weeks to get this on the air. 639 00:33:20,979 --> 00:33:22,913 Is that doable for you and your people? 640 00:33:22,947 --> 00:33:27,145 My people? Six weeks? Sure, yeah. 641 00:33:27,185 --> 00:33:29,779 Give me a call when you get to L.A., Chuck. 642 00:33:31,256 --> 00:33:34,453 Oh, goddamn. 643 00:33:34,492 --> 00:33:38,929 Hot dog. Fucking shit. Piss. 644 00:33:38,963 --> 00:33:41,022 PENNY: Who's Larry Goldberg? 645 00:33:41,066 --> 00:33:43,500 [ Stomach gurgles ] 646 00:33:43,535 --> 00:33:45,526 [ Applause ] 647 00:33:46,971 --> 00:33:48,768 Bachelor number one... 648 00:33:48,807 --> 00:33:51,901 what would I like most about you? 649 00:33:51,943 --> 00:33:54,411 I'm very romantic... 650 00:33:54,446 --> 00:33:56,971 and I'd send you flowers every day. 651 00:33:57,015 --> 00:33:59,006 BACHELORETTE: Aw, that's so sweet. 652 00:33:59,050 --> 00:34:03,487 Bachelor number three, what would I like most about you? 653 00:34:03,521 --> 00:34:05,284 My big cock. 654 00:34:05,323 --> 00:34:07,848 [ Laughter ] 655 00:34:07,892 --> 00:34:11,123 [ Light applause ] 656 00:34:11,162 --> 00:34:13,289 [ Laughs ] 657 00:34:13,331 --> 00:34:15,356 BACHELORETTE: Bachelor number one... 658 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,630 what nationality are you? 659 00:34:17,669 --> 00:34:20,832 BACHELOR NUMBER ONE: Um... my daddy is Welsh... 660 00:34:20,872 --> 00:34:22,430 my mama's Hungarian... 661 00:34:22,474 --> 00:34:26,342 so I guess that makes me well-hung. 662 00:34:26,378 --> 00:34:29,040 [ Laughter ] 663 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,913 Bachelor number two... 664 00:34:31,950 --> 00:34:33,508 I play the trombone. 665 00:34:33,551 --> 00:34:37,453 If I blew you, what would you sound like? 666 00:34:37,489 --> 00:34:39,218 BACHELOR NUMBER TWO: What would I sound like? 667 00:34:39,257 --> 00:34:40,815 [ Laughs ] 668 00:34:40,859 --> 00:34:44,693 All right. Ooh. 669 00:34:44,729 --> 00:34:49,826 Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. 670 00:34:49,868 --> 00:34:53,065 Ooh. Ooh. 671 00:34:53,104 --> 00:34:55,971 Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. 672 00:34:56,007 --> 00:34:58,373 Ooh. 673 00:34:58,410 --> 00:35:01,607 That's nice. Don't stop. Oh. 674 00:35:01,646 --> 00:35:03,637 [ Imitates trombone ] 675 00:35:07,852 --> 00:35:09,683 Blow it, baby. 676 00:35:09,721 --> 00:35:12,554 [ Imitates trombone playing shakily ] 677 00:35:15,460 --> 00:35:16,859 [ Shoes squeak ] 678 00:35:16,895 --> 00:35:18,863 CHUCK: Heh heh. 679 00:35:18,897 --> 00:35:23,129 Chuck, quite frankly, these episodes are unairable. 680 00:35:23,168 --> 00:35:26,365 CHUCK: Look, Larry, the show's spontaneous. 681 00:35:26,404 --> 00:35:29,066 It's unscripted. That's its charm. 682 00:35:29,107 --> 00:35:30,904 I can't help what people say. 683 00:35:30,942 --> 00:35:33,638 HANK: Be that as it may, we can't have black men... 684 00:35:33,678 --> 00:35:35,839 getting blow jobs on national television! 685 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,745 The point is not that he's black, Hank. 686 00:35:37,782 --> 00:35:39,181 HANK: Well, I know that. 687 00:35:39,217 --> 00:35:41,242 GOLDBERG: Chuck, that's it. We can't air this stuff. 688 00:35:41,286 --> 00:35:43,982 If you can't retain your spontaneity on the show... 689 00:35:44,022 --> 00:35:45,887 without this lewd conduct, it's over. 690 00:35:45,924 --> 00:35:47,949 It's finished. You're history. 691 00:35:47,992 --> 00:35:50,552 Now, fix this fucking thing, or we got a problem. 692 00:35:54,098 --> 00:35:57,033 Hi, folks. Before we begin taping today... 693 00:35:57,068 --> 00:35:59,366 I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Peter Jenks... 694 00:35:59,404 --> 00:36:01,668 of the Federal Communications Commission. 695 00:36:01,706 --> 00:36:02,900 OK? 696 00:36:07,011 --> 00:36:08,410 Thank you, Mr.Barris. 697 00:36:22,961 --> 00:36:28,524 I don't know if any of you are aware of this... 698 00:36:30,502 --> 00:36:32,527 but it's a federal offense... 699 00:36:32,570 --> 00:36:35,130 to make lascivious remarks... 700 00:36:35,173 --> 00:36:38,074 on a television network broadcast. 701 00:36:41,779 --> 00:36:43,440 The penalty... 702 00:36:46,618 --> 00:36:48,449 for this disgusting... 703 00:36:51,823 --> 00:36:56,226 un-American... behavior... 704 00:36:56,261 --> 00:36:59,321 is one year in prison... 705 00:36:59,364 --> 00:37:02,094 or a $10,000 fine... 706 00:37:02,133 --> 00:37:03,896 or both! 707 00:37:06,738 --> 00:37:09,036 Anyone... 708 00:37:09,073 --> 00:37:13,134 making a sick subversive remark tonight... 709 00:37:13,177 --> 00:37:15,270 will be arrested immediately. 710 00:37:15,313 --> 00:37:17,008 I, then, will personally escort... 711 00:37:17,048 --> 00:37:18,640 the offender to federal prison... 712 00:37:18,683 --> 00:37:21,584 for booking under edict number 364... 713 00:37:21,619 --> 00:37:25,077 of the Broadcasting Act of 1963. 714 00:37:25,123 --> 00:37:29,890 And it's a long drive to that prison, baby. 715 00:37:29,928 --> 00:37:32,829 Just you and me. 716 00:37:32,864 --> 00:37:35,424 No witnesses! 717 00:37:52,350 --> 00:37:54,318 CHUCK: OK, have fun, everybody. 718 00:37:54,352 --> 00:37:55,785 All right. 719 00:37:55,853 --> 00:37:58,788 They gave everybody jackets with their names on them... 720 00:37:58,823 --> 00:38:01,951 and when we got number one ratings on Saturday nights... 721 00:38:01,993 --> 00:38:03,654 everybody got a gold plaque. 722 00:38:03,695 --> 00:38:06,186 And so, he was a good boss... 723 00:38:06,230 --> 00:38:08,061 and obviously had the common touch... 724 00:38:08,099 --> 00:38:11,398 because he really knew what people wanted to watch. 725 00:38:11,436 --> 00:38:14,462 BARRIS: We aired and became a big hit. 726 00:38:14,505 --> 00:38:16,473 A phenomenon, really. 727 00:38:16,507 --> 00:38:19,203 CHUCK: Hey, baby. 728 00:38:19,243 --> 00:38:21,473 [ Sighs ] I got a story to tell you. 729 00:38:21,512 --> 00:38:23,241 - Asshole. - I know, I know. 730 00:38:23,281 --> 00:38:26,250 Uhh. I got a little story for you. 731 00:38:26,284 --> 00:38:27,478 LORETTA: I'm busy. We're in the middle... 732 00:38:27,518 --> 00:38:28,917 of a bachelorette crisis out there. 733 00:38:28,953 --> 00:38:30,477 CHUCK: Sit down, relax. 734 00:38:30,521 --> 00:38:33,081 Take a load off. Make yourself at home. 735 00:38:33,124 --> 00:38:34,523 I just got a call from the network. 736 00:38:34,559 --> 00:38:36,254 - You want a drink? - You got any weed? 737 00:38:36,294 --> 00:38:39,058 CHUCK: I wish. No, no weed. 738 00:38:39,097 --> 00:38:40,394 Then I'll have a drink. 739 00:38:40,431 --> 00:38:41,398 [ Chuck sighs ] 740 00:38:41,432 --> 00:38:42,797 LORETTA: Bad news? 741 00:38:42,834 --> 00:38:45,268 "The Tammy Grimes Show" is being pulled from Saturday night. 742 00:38:45,303 --> 00:38:48,500 - Oh, not Tammy. - Ha ha ha ha. 743 00:38:48,539 --> 00:38:50,097 They want me to put a prime-time version... 744 00:38:50,141 --> 00:38:52,006 of "The Dating Game" on in its place. 745 00:38:54,012 --> 00:38:56,310 - That's fucking great. - Yeah, it's great... 746 00:38:56,347 --> 00:38:57,974 but they say the day-time version is not hot enough. 747 00:38:58,016 --> 00:38:59,916 They want me to make it more exciting for night-time. 748 00:38:59,951 --> 00:39:01,885 I got 48 hours. 749 00:39:03,488 --> 00:39:05,251 LORETTA: What have you got? 750 00:39:05,289 --> 00:39:07,120 [ Sighs ] 751 00:39:07,158 --> 00:39:09,820 I don't have a clue. I got nothing. Bupkus. 752 00:39:09,861 --> 00:39:12,989 This is a big deal, Loretta. My big break. 753 00:39:13,031 --> 00:39:16,831 I know. [ Exhales ] 754 00:39:17,969 --> 00:39:20,904 - Don't blow it. - Oh, thanks for the help. 755 00:39:25,543 --> 00:39:27,534 [ Sighs ] 756 00:39:28,980 --> 00:39:30,971 [ Slow jazz music playing ] 757 00:39:43,061 --> 00:39:44,688 JIM: Let me ask you something, Chuck. 758 00:39:44,729 --> 00:39:47,562 Jesus. What the-- What are you doing here? 759 00:39:47,598 --> 00:39:48,963 JIM: I've been put in charge... 760 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,991 of a fairly large wet operation... 761 00:39:51,035 --> 00:39:53,333 and I could use your help. 762 00:39:53,371 --> 00:39:54,668 [ Scoffs ] 763 00:39:57,108 --> 00:39:58,803 Have you noticed, Jim? I got a TV show on the air. 764 00:39:58,843 --> 00:40:00,572 I don't need to kill people for hire anymore. 765 00:40:00,611 --> 00:40:03,671 I know you don't need to, but you like to. 766 00:40:03,715 --> 00:40:05,148 Bullshit. 767 00:40:05,183 --> 00:40:08,516 Think of it as a hobby, something you do to relax. 768 00:40:08,553 --> 00:40:11,522 You can be an assassination enthusiast, 769 00:40:11,556 --> 00:40:12,648 a murder bug. 770 00:40:12,690 --> 00:40:14,351 I got important things to think about here. 771 00:40:14,392 --> 00:40:15,654 I don't have time to fuck around with you. 772 00:40:15,693 --> 00:40:17,718 This is serious work we're talking about, Chuck, 773 00:40:17,762 --> 00:40:19,923 serious work. 774 00:40:19,964 --> 00:40:22,364 How about I help you out with your little show... 775 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,027 you help me out with my little operation? 776 00:40:24,068 --> 00:40:25,831 Tit for tat. That's the kind of guy I am. 777 00:40:25,870 --> 00:40:28,202 Oh, yeah. You're a piece of work. 778 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,934 I've seen this "Dating Game" of yours, Chuck... 779 00:40:29,974 --> 00:40:31,271 and I do have a thought. 780 00:40:31,309 --> 00:40:34,210 What, now you're a big television producer? 781 00:40:34,245 --> 00:40:36,645 JIM: I'm John Q. Public when it comes to TV... 782 00:40:36,681 --> 00:40:39,912 and that should make my opinion of value to you. 783 00:40:39,951 --> 00:40:43,011 CHUCK: All right, let's hear it, then. 784 00:40:43,054 --> 00:40:45,352 JIM: What do you have? Some couple gets sent... 785 00:40:45,389 --> 00:40:47,880 to some second-rate shit-can restaurant... 786 00:40:47,925 --> 00:40:49,586 setting you back 50 bucks? 787 00:40:49,627 --> 00:40:50,992 That's not too exciting a prize... 788 00:40:51,028 --> 00:40:53,792 for us vicarious living boobs out in TV land. 789 00:40:53,831 --> 00:40:56,265 - What's your point? - Up the stakes, Chuck. 790 00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:58,131 Send them to some exotic locale-- 791 00:40:58,169 --> 00:41:01,832 Europe, Southeast Asia, for example. 792 00:41:03,241 --> 00:41:04,606 The network's not going to let me send... 793 00:41:04,642 --> 00:41:06,405 two unmarried kids on vacation together. 794 00:41:06,444 --> 00:41:08,435 JIM: Send them with a chaperone. 795 00:41:11,482 --> 00:41:12,949 CHUCK: That's-- 796 00:41:17,622 --> 00:41:18,782 That's not half bad. 797 00:41:18,823 --> 00:41:20,450 JIM: I'm telling you. 798 00:41:20,491 --> 00:41:23,324 Sometimes you could be the chaperone. 799 00:41:23,361 --> 00:41:25,693 Say we have a job for you in Austria. 800 00:41:25,730 --> 00:41:28,665 You, a successful television producer... 801 00:41:28,699 --> 00:41:29,996 chaperones a young couple. 802 00:41:30,034 --> 00:41:32,696 While there, you take care of some company business. 803 00:41:32,737 --> 00:41:34,204 It's a perfect cover. 804 00:41:34,238 --> 00:41:37,537 TV producer by day, CIA operative at night. 805 00:41:37,575 --> 00:41:38,701 I got money, Jim. 806 00:41:38,743 --> 00:41:41,439 I don't have to kill people for money anymore. 807 00:41:41,479 --> 00:41:43,310 Chuck, when I said you fit the profile... 808 00:41:43,347 --> 00:41:46,248 very little of that meant you needed the money. 809 00:41:46,284 --> 00:41:50,118 You liked it with Renda. I saw it in your eyes. 810 00:41:50,154 --> 00:41:52,486 You liked it, but you botched it. 811 00:41:55,159 --> 00:41:57,821 You could be a great warrior, Chuck. 812 00:41:57,862 --> 00:41:59,853 BACHELORETTE: Bachelor number three... 813 00:41:59,897 --> 00:42:01,626 if we were fixed up on a date... 814 00:42:01,666 --> 00:42:02,758 and I ignored you... 815 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,995 DIRECTOR: This guy's never been on a date. 816 00:42:05,036 --> 00:42:07,095 [ Snaps fingers ] Ready, four. Take four. 817 00:42:07,138 --> 00:42:09,333 Well. I'm not used to being ignored... 818 00:42:09,373 --> 00:42:11,466 but I would-- I'd give you your space. 819 00:42:11,509 --> 00:42:14,205 The only date this guy's had is with his right hand. 820 00:42:14,245 --> 00:42:16,611 [ Both laugh ] 821 00:42:16,647 --> 00:42:18,012 Ready, one. Take one. 822 00:42:18,049 --> 00:42:20,244 [ Audience laughing ] 823 00:42:20,284 --> 00:42:23,879 Bachelor number three, what if I pick you... 824 00:42:23,921 --> 00:42:26,549 DIRECTOR: God, she's going for the three. 825 00:42:26,591 --> 00:42:28,218 Ready, four. Take four. [ Snaps fingers ] 826 00:42:28,259 --> 00:42:30,227 The only way that you could be ugly... 827 00:42:30,261 --> 00:42:33,355 is by what you say or do. 828 00:42:33,397 --> 00:42:34,955 I don't know. From where I'm sitting... 829 00:42:34,999 --> 00:42:35,966 I think you're beautiful. 830 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,331 DIRECTOR: I can't believe it. 831 00:42:37,368 --> 00:42:38,801 BACHELORETTE: Bachelor number three... 832 00:42:38,836 --> 00:42:40,565 can you please tell me what a girl is like... 833 00:42:40,605 --> 00:42:42,232 who has never been on a date before... 834 00:42:42,273 --> 00:42:44,935 and how you can tell? 835 00:42:44,976 --> 00:42:49,675 Well... I'll ask her what she likes to do... 836 00:42:49,714 --> 00:42:52,945 and if she doesn't know what she likes to do... 837 00:42:52,984 --> 00:42:55,077 then I'll know she hasn't done it yet. 838 00:42:55,119 --> 00:42:56,177 [ Applause ] 839 00:42:56,220 --> 00:42:59,212 [ Game show music playing ] 840 00:43:08,532 --> 00:43:10,591 BACHELOR NUMBER THREE: Why don't you talk to her? 841 00:43:10,635 --> 00:43:15,231 You can do that. She's real shy. 842 00:43:15,273 --> 00:43:17,969 You have to tell her. That's your job. 843 00:43:18,009 --> 00:43:20,876 Tell her that I think she's real pretty... 844 00:43:20,912 --> 00:43:24,404 and I want to be her boyfriend. 845 00:43:24,448 --> 00:43:26,382 I'm shy, too. 846 00:43:26,417 --> 00:43:28,351 You got to tell her that, Chuck. 847 00:43:28,386 --> 00:43:29,819 I used to skate when I was young. 848 00:43:29,854 --> 00:43:32,118 I told her that. She didn't even look at me. 849 00:43:32,156 --> 00:43:34,750 You got to talk to her, Chuck. It's your job. 850 00:43:34,792 --> 00:43:38,660 She picked me, not those other guys. 851 00:43:38,696 --> 00:43:40,459 You're the chaperone, Chuck. 852 00:43:44,802 --> 00:43:46,269 She called me gay. 853 00:43:46,304 --> 00:43:49,637 I'm not gay. You got to tell her that. 854 00:43:49,674 --> 00:43:51,869 You're not doing your job very well. 855 00:43:51,909 --> 00:43:53,467 I mean, I know it takes time... 856 00:43:53,511 --> 00:43:54,876 for people to get to know each other... 857 00:43:54,912 --> 00:43:57,437 but this is ridiculous. 858 00:43:57,481 --> 00:44:00,473 They thought he was... 859 00:44:00,518 --> 00:44:02,645 They sort of walked a straight line... 860 00:44:02,687 --> 00:44:04,712 because they used to talk about him... 861 00:44:04,755 --> 00:44:07,121 saying, you know, "This guy, he can turn on you." 862 00:44:07,158 --> 00:44:09,353 You know, and I never saw that side... 863 00:44:09,393 --> 00:44:12,920 but a lot of the crew thought he could turn on them. 864 00:44:12,964 --> 00:44:14,932 Chuck? 865 00:44:17,401 --> 00:44:18,925 [ Slow jazz music playing ] 866 00:44:18,970 --> 00:44:22,838 JIM: Helsinki is wonderful this time of year. 867 00:44:22,873 --> 00:44:26,172 Especially the snow. 868 00:44:26,210 --> 00:44:28,644 It affords one solitude... 869 00:44:28,679 --> 00:44:30,943 even in a city full of people. 870 00:44:44,195 --> 00:44:48,188 Excuse me. Is this seat taken? 871 00:44:48,232 --> 00:44:49,699 By you. 872 00:44:53,671 --> 00:44:56,367 [ Sighs ] 873 00:44:56,407 --> 00:45:00,138 Helsinki is wonderful this time of year, isn't it? 874 00:45:00,177 --> 00:45:01,906 Yes, it is. 875 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:12,021 Oh, I'm sorry. Um... 876 00:45:21,532 --> 00:45:22,931 Excuse me. 877 00:45:35,479 --> 00:45:39,540 Helsinki is wonderful this time of year, isn't it? 878 00:45:39,583 --> 00:45:42,950 Especially the snow. It affords one solitude... 879 00:45:42,987 --> 00:45:44,852 even in a city full of people. 880 00:45:44,889 --> 00:45:46,379 Hey... 881 00:45:48,793 --> 00:45:50,852 I'm Chuck. Ahem. 882 00:45:50,895 --> 00:45:53,728 So I gathered. 883 00:45:53,764 --> 00:45:55,288 CHUCK: And you are? 884 00:45:57,268 --> 00:45:58,929 Here you are, Chuck. 885 00:46:01,472 --> 00:46:03,531 At least give me a made-up name, 886 00:46:03,574 --> 00:46:06,168 something for me to cry out... 887 00:46:06,210 --> 00:46:09,077 during those dark nights of the soul. 888 00:46:12,616 --> 00:46:15,050 Cry out, "Olivia." 889 00:46:16,220 --> 00:46:18,552 That's "Twelfth Night." 890 00:46:18,589 --> 00:46:20,887 Very good, Chuck. 891 00:46:20,925 --> 00:46:23,860 I'm pleasantly surprised. 892 00:46:23,894 --> 00:46:27,386 You're not like the other murderers. 893 00:46:37,942 --> 00:46:39,933 [ Dramatic music playing ] 894 00:46:43,514 --> 00:46:45,641 MAN: Here. 895 00:46:45,683 --> 00:46:47,048 CHUCK: Do you have it? 896 00:46:47,084 --> 00:46:49,951 - Do you have it? - Oh, sorry. 897 00:46:55,459 --> 00:46:56,926 CHUCK: Don't worry. We're not going to cheat you. 898 00:46:56,961 --> 00:46:58,895 MAN: Yeah, just the same. 899 00:46:58,929 --> 00:47:01,124 - Unh! - Sorry about your teeth. 900 00:47:01,165 --> 00:47:02,132 [ Fires with silencer ] 901 00:47:02,166 --> 00:47:03,633 [ Body falls ] 902 00:47:03,667 --> 00:47:05,658 [ Fires with silencer ] 903 00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,240 Chuck? 904 00:47:21,852 --> 00:47:23,410 Chuck? 905 00:47:47,845 --> 00:47:50,473 [ Music fades ] 906 00:47:50,514 --> 00:47:52,505 [ Exhaling, whistling ] 907 00:47:57,521 --> 00:47:59,386 [ Hums ] 908 00:47:59,423 --> 00:48:02,415 [ Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" playing ] 909 00:48:06,297 --> 00:48:07,889 CHUCK: Olivia? 910 00:48:12,536 --> 00:48:15,903 It's Patricia, actually. 911 00:48:15,940 --> 00:48:18,306 PATRICIA: So, then I spent a year in Operation Chaos... 912 00:48:18,342 --> 00:48:20,276 inside the anti-war movement... 913 00:48:20,311 --> 00:48:23,610 nudging it towards violence to discredit it. 914 00:48:23,647 --> 00:48:24,875 That was fun. 915 00:48:24,915 --> 00:48:28,351 CHUCK: It sounds fun. 916 00:48:28,385 --> 00:48:32,754 So, tell me, Patricia, why did you come here tonight? 917 00:48:34,058 --> 00:48:35,491 Ahem. 918 00:48:35,526 --> 00:48:38,051 I don't know. 919 00:48:38,095 --> 00:48:42,225 You're kind of cute in a homely sort of way, and... 920 00:48:44,635 --> 00:48:46,796 It's lonely when the civilian you're fucking... 921 00:48:46,837 --> 00:48:49,499 calls out the name on your fake passport. 922 00:48:49,540 --> 00:48:51,701 CHUCK: All the information I have about myself... 923 00:48:51,742 --> 00:48:54,768 is from forged documents. 924 00:48:57,514 --> 00:48:58,947 Nabokov. 925 00:49:18,569 --> 00:49:19,627 [ Glass shatters ] 926 00:49:19,670 --> 00:49:21,661 [ Objects clatter ] 927 00:49:31,982 --> 00:49:33,313 Wait, wait. 928 00:49:33,350 --> 00:49:36,410 I got to go into the bathroom and take care of something. 929 00:49:38,188 --> 00:49:40,247 Leave the microfilm in, baby. 930 00:49:41,558 --> 00:49:43,321 [ Upbeat music playing ] 931 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,918 Hoo! 932 00:49:47,364 --> 00:49:49,161 Huhh! 933 00:49:49,199 --> 00:49:50,223 Chuck! 934 00:49:50,267 --> 00:49:51,427 Hey! 935 00:49:53,871 --> 00:49:57,671 Do you know when my episode is going to air? 936 00:49:57,708 --> 00:50:01,439 OK. See you, Chuck. Bye. 937 00:50:01,478 --> 00:50:03,309 JIM: Chuck, this is Simon Oliver. 938 00:50:03,347 --> 00:50:06,077 Everything go OK? You don't look too good. 939 00:50:06,116 --> 00:50:09,483 Mr.Barris, do not ever again jeopardize one of my missions... 940 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:12,353 by having a game show contestant standing around as a witness. 941 00:50:12,389 --> 00:50:14,357 - Is that understood? - You're welcome, pal. 942 00:50:14,391 --> 00:50:15,756 Do I make myself clear? 943 00:50:15,793 --> 00:50:17,727 Fuck you. They're my contestants. 944 00:50:17,761 --> 00:50:19,558 You are a bloody amateur. 945 00:50:19,596 --> 00:50:21,188 - You're a faggot. - Chuck. 946 00:50:21,231 --> 00:50:23,324 OLIVER: Tell me, Mr.Barris. 947 00:50:23,367 --> 00:50:25,096 Are you in possession of my microfilm? 948 00:50:25,135 --> 00:50:27,194 - Yeah, I got it. - Let's have it, then. 949 00:50:27,237 --> 00:50:30,070 It's up my ass, Oliver. Why don't you get it? 950 00:50:30,107 --> 00:50:31,904 What is this shit? 951 00:50:31,942 --> 00:50:35,673 I deserve a little appreciation for my efforts here, Jim. 952 00:50:35,713 --> 00:50:39,274 SIMON: What do you think Patricia Watson was? 953 00:50:43,821 --> 00:50:46,153 Prick. 954 00:50:46,190 --> 00:50:47,657 EUBANKS: Really? OK. 955 00:50:47,691 --> 00:50:49,716 He said he dated none of them. That's right. 956 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,250 [ Applause ] 957 00:50:53,864 --> 00:50:57,732 - Sandra? - Um, six of them. 958 00:50:57,768 --> 00:51:00,202 LORETTA: Well, if it isn't the hit man. 959 00:51:00,237 --> 00:51:03,934 - What? - The hit man. 960 00:51:03,974 --> 00:51:06,204 ALL: Surprise! 961 00:51:06,243 --> 00:51:08,575 [ Cheering ] 962 00:51:08,612 --> 00:51:10,546 ABC's going to pick up "The Newlywed Game"! 963 00:51:10,581 --> 00:51:11,548 Day-time and prime-time! 964 00:51:11,582 --> 00:51:12,947 You're kidding me! Oh, my God! 965 00:51:12,983 --> 00:51:16,111 That's sensational. You mean it? Fantastic! 966 00:51:16,153 --> 00:51:17,620 Whoo! 967 00:51:17,654 --> 00:51:20,384 EUBANKS: OK, here's the last of our five-point questions. 968 00:51:20,424 --> 00:51:22,483 Girls, tell me where, specifically... 969 00:51:22,526 --> 00:51:26,826 is the weirdest place that you personally, girls... 970 00:51:26,864 --> 00:51:30,300 have ever gotten the urge to make whoopee. 971 00:51:30,334 --> 00:51:34,065 The weirdest place, Olga? 972 00:51:34,104 --> 00:51:35,867 OLGA: Um... 973 00:51:35,906 --> 00:51:37,897 [ Audience laughs ] 974 00:51:39,476 --> 00:51:40,875 EUBANKS: Yes, Olga? 975 00:51:42,446 --> 00:51:44,243 In the ass? 976 00:51:44,281 --> 00:51:46,249 [ Audience laughs ] 977 00:51:46,283 --> 00:51:48,911 No, no, no. No, the-- 978 00:51:48,952 --> 00:51:50,180 HUSBAND: It's still there. 979 00:51:50,220 --> 00:51:51,710 EUBANKS: No, no. What I'm talking about... 980 00:51:51,755 --> 00:51:55,088 is the weirdest location, the weirdest place. Yeah. 981 00:51:55,125 --> 00:51:57,616 OLGA: I don't know. 982 00:51:57,661 --> 00:52:00,027 [ Audience laughing ] 983 00:52:02,166 --> 00:52:03,360 Oh! 984 00:52:04,401 --> 00:52:08,064 EUBANKS: Olga... 985 00:52:08,105 --> 00:52:10,335 Olga, the word is the location or place. 986 00:52:10,374 --> 00:52:11,636 You know what I mean? 987 00:52:11,708 --> 00:52:13,437 ESQUIVEL: Mucha muchacha 988 00:52:13,477 --> 00:52:15,775 Mucha muchacha 989 00:52:15,813 --> 00:52:18,008 Mucha muchacha 990 00:52:18,048 --> 00:52:20,312 Mucha muchacha 991 00:52:20,350 --> 00:52:22,477 Mucha muchacha 992 00:52:22,519 --> 00:52:24,714 Mucha muchacha 993 00:52:24,755 --> 00:52:27,155 Mucha muchacha 994 00:52:27,191 --> 00:52:29,716 Ba ba ba ba baile 995 00:52:38,769 --> 00:52:41,067 Ba 996 00:52:41,104 --> 00:52:43,334 Ah 997 00:52:43,373 --> 00:52:45,534 Ah 998 00:52:45,576 --> 00:52:48,170 Ba ba ba ba ba-ba-ba 999 00:52:48,212 --> 00:52:50,180 Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa 1000 00:52:50,214 --> 00:52:52,614 Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa 1001 00:52:52,649 --> 00:52:54,640 Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa 1002 00:52:54,685 --> 00:52:57,176 Ra pa ra pa ba ra pa 1003 00:52:57,221 --> 00:52:59,621 Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa 1004 00:52:59,656 --> 00:53:01,647 Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa 1005 00:53:01,692 --> 00:53:03,057 [ Music fades ] 1006 00:53:03,093 --> 00:53:04,583 BARRIS: I liked Penny. 1007 00:53:04,628 --> 00:53:07,188 I even loved her, in my way. 1008 00:53:07,231 --> 00:53:09,961 But the idea of tying myself down... 1009 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:13,299 for the rest of my life... 1010 00:53:13,337 --> 00:53:16,397 I remember my parents' marriage. 1011 00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,271 We need a new icebox. 1012 00:53:18,308 --> 00:53:20,299 [ Radio playing faintly ] 1013 00:53:24,281 --> 00:53:26,772 [ "The Newlywed Game" theme plays ] 1014 00:53:34,191 --> 00:53:36,182 [ Applause ] 1015 00:53:41,932 --> 00:53:43,957 AUDIENCE: Ooh... 1016 00:53:45,903 --> 00:53:47,234 BARRIS: "The Newlywed Game"... 1017 00:53:47,271 --> 00:53:49,762 was based on my theory that almost any American... 1018 00:53:49,806 --> 00:53:52,798 would sell out their spouse for a washer, dryer, 1019 00:53:52,843 --> 00:53:55,209 or a lawn mower you can ride on. 1020 00:53:55,245 --> 00:53:59,682 Such was my respect for that most holy of unions. 1021 00:54:00,918 --> 00:54:03,409 - "Interpet." - Interpret. 1022 00:54:03,453 --> 00:54:06,718 Oh. Do you have an extra "R" I can borrow? 1023 00:54:06,757 --> 00:54:08,315 I'm not going to give you a letter. 1024 00:54:08,358 --> 00:54:10,417 You're lucky I don't make you forfeit a turn. 1025 00:54:10,460 --> 00:54:12,621 Oh, OK. 1026 00:54:12,663 --> 00:54:14,187 You look cute today, Pen. 1027 00:54:14,231 --> 00:54:17,826 I always look cute. Don't distract me. 1028 00:54:17,868 --> 00:54:20,837 [ Blows ] 1029 00:54:20,871 --> 00:54:22,202 What was I going to say? 1030 00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,605 I don't know. What were you going to say? 1031 00:54:24,641 --> 00:54:26,632 [ Music playing faintly ] 1032 00:54:29,479 --> 00:54:32,505 I think we should get married... 1033 00:54:32,549 --> 00:54:34,676 because we've known each other forever... 1034 00:54:34,718 --> 00:54:37,243 and we've fucked each other forever. 1035 00:54:37,287 --> 00:54:41,053 And you think I'm cute, you just said. 1036 00:54:41,091 --> 00:54:43,719 And you always come to me when you're in trouble... 1037 00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:46,194 and I'm nothing like your mother-- 1038 00:54:46,229 --> 00:54:48,220 What does that mean? What is that? 1039 00:54:50,367 --> 00:54:53,200 I'm just kidding. 1040 00:54:53,236 --> 00:54:55,329 Don't ask me to marry you again, OK? 1041 00:54:55,372 --> 00:54:58,307 I don't use a knife 1042 00:54:58,342 --> 00:55:00,276 Don't need a gun 1043 00:55:01,511 --> 00:55:03,604 BARRIS: I couldn't breathe. 1044 00:55:03,647 --> 00:55:05,672 I was drowning. 1045 00:55:05,716 --> 00:55:09,152 And what the fuck did my mother have to do with it? 1046 00:55:09,186 --> 00:55:11,416 So I made a call. 1047 00:55:15,926 --> 00:55:17,917 [ Water running ] 1048 00:55:19,363 --> 00:55:21,354 [ Turns off water ] 1049 00:55:28,839 --> 00:55:30,830 [ Door opens, closes ] 1050 00:55:32,976 --> 00:55:35,444 JIM: Over here, strawberry dick. 1051 00:55:39,783 --> 00:55:41,774 [ Enters stall ] 1052 00:55:43,387 --> 00:55:44,820 CHUCK: How do you know those things? 1053 00:55:44,855 --> 00:55:47,323 JIM: We know what she actually thought it tasted like. 1054 00:55:47,357 --> 00:55:49,325 CHUCK: Really? I could never find that out. 1055 00:55:49,359 --> 00:55:52,556 JIM: That's on a need-to-know basis. 1056 00:55:52,596 --> 00:55:54,461 What can I do for you? 1057 00:55:54,498 --> 00:55:56,466 CHUCK: I really need something, Jim. 1058 00:55:56,500 --> 00:55:58,468 I need something for my head. 1059 00:56:03,106 --> 00:56:04,903 JIM: I got something for your head. 1060 00:56:08,078 --> 00:56:09,705 LANGE: And you're going on your date... 1061 00:56:09,746 --> 00:56:13,773 to fabulous West Berlin, Germany. 1062 00:56:13,817 --> 00:56:16,308 [ "The Dating Game" theme plays ] 1063 00:56:20,490 --> 00:56:22,481 [ Applause ] 1064 00:56:33,170 --> 00:56:35,570 [ Music fades ] 1065 00:56:35,639 --> 00:56:36,867 [ Accordion music playing ] 1066 00:56:36,907 --> 00:56:39,000 The name's Hans Colbert. 1067 00:56:39,042 --> 00:56:41,033 Other side of the wall. 1068 00:56:41,078 --> 00:56:43,171 We don't like him very much. 1069 00:56:43,213 --> 00:56:45,943 You'll be working with a kraut named Keeler. 1070 00:56:45,982 --> 00:56:47,813 He's been tailing Colbert for a month. 1071 00:56:47,851 --> 00:56:49,876 Knows the routine. Keeler's a drunk... 1072 00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,980 so stay sober and take charge. 1073 00:56:53,023 --> 00:56:55,890 It's done and done. 1074 00:56:55,926 --> 00:56:58,554 [ Dramatic music playing ] 1075 00:56:58,595 --> 00:57:01,086 Kill for me, baby. 1076 00:57:11,875 --> 00:57:14,537 [ Rumbling ] 1077 00:57:14,578 --> 00:57:16,569 [ Electricity crackles ] 1078 00:57:24,955 --> 00:57:26,946 [ Coughs ] 1079 00:57:40,070 --> 00:57:42,061 [ Click ] 1080 00:58:11,935 --> 00:58:13,926 [ Keeler writing ] 1081 00:58:18,675 --> 00:58:20,666 [ Writing ] 1082 00:58:32,889 --> 00:58:34,914 What are you writing, Sieg? 1083 00:58:38,929 --> 00:58:41,796 Just keeping track of anything that happens in the... 1084 00:58:41,832 --> 00:58:43,823 [ Speaking German ] 1085 00:58:48,672 --> 00:58:50,833 Ah. 1086 00:58:50,874 --> 00:58:52,865 [ Continues writing ] 1087 00:59:00,984 --> 00:59:02,975 [ Accordion music playing ] 1088 00:59:07,157 --> 00:59:08,419 MAN: Ja. 1089 00:59:08,458 --> 00:59:09,891 CHUCK: That's him. 1090 00:59:12,262 --> 00:59:14,389 Too many people. 1091 00:59:18,101 --> 00:59:20,092 [ Laughing ] 1092 00:59:23,073 --> 00:59:25,064 [ Music stops ] 1093 00:59:29,246 --> 00:59:31,407 [ Keeler whistles faintly ] 1094 00:59:38,588 --> 00:59:41,386 Chuck. Chuck. 1095 00:59:41,424 --> 00:59:44,518 - All right. - Take the camera. 1096 00:59:44,561 --> 00:59:46,426 What is this? 1097 00:59:46,463 --> 00:59:47,657 Aah! 1098 00:59:48,765 --> 00:59:49,891 What the-- 1099 00:59:53,470 --> 00:59:56,064 [ Muffled yells ] 1100 00:59:56,106 --> 00:59:58,666 - Take a picture. - Take a what? 1101 00:59:58,708 --> 00:59:59,902 Take a picture. 1102 01:00:01,945 --> 01:00:04,675 Picture. Come on. 1103 01:00:04,714 --> 01:00:06,409 Take a picture. 1104 01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,715 Danke schon. 1105 01:01:32,535 --> 01:01:35,936 He would disappear for a week or so at a time... 1106 01:01:35,972 --> 01:01:37,940 and his secretary would just say he's out of town. 1107 01:01:37,974 --> 01:01:39,942 We didn't know where he went, so... 1108 01:01:39,976 --> 01:01:42,444 I don't know whether it's true or not. 1109 01:01:42,479 --> 01:01:44,276 I--I couldn't say. 1110 01:02:02,932 --> 01:02:05,560 BARRIS: The only reason the KGB didn't kill me... 1111 01:02:05,602 --> 01:02:07,331 was they needed me... 1112 01:02:07,370 --> 01:02:09,895 to trade for one of their Russian agents. 1113 01:02:22,419 --> 01:02:25,388 I promised myself if I got out of this... 1114 01:02:25,422 --> 01:02:27,913 I'd live my life differently. 1115 01:02:27,957 --> 01:02:32,087 I'd throw myself into work, into life. 1116 01:02:32,128 --> 01:02:36,963 Penny. I needed to see Penny again. 1117 01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:40,265 And tell Byrd I'm out... for good. 1118 01:02:42,305 --> 01:02:45,968 If I could just make it past this one last man... 1119 01:02:46,009 --> 01:02:49,843 this one... last... 1120 01:03:07,664 --> 01:03:10,132 I don't know what was worse... 1121 01:03:10,166 --> 01:03:14,603 that I was duped by that fat fucking bachelor... 1122 01:03:14,637 --> 01:03:18,266 or that it took seven of us to replace him. 1123 01:03:18,308 --> 01:03:20,299 [ Goat bleating ] 1124 01:03:25,648 --> 01:03:27,275 You're still in one piece? 1125 01:03:27,317 --> 01:03:29,046 CHUCK: Where the fuck you been? 1126 01:03:29,085 --> 01:03:30,416 Did you have a nice flight? 1127 01:03:30,453 --> 01:03:33,251 Fuck you! Where you been? I got one contact, Jim... 1128 01:03:33,289 --> 01:03:35,257 and it's you, and if you disappear, I got no one. 1129 01:03:35,291 --> 01:03:36,315 You understand? 1130 01:03:36,359 --> 01:03:37,826 [ Loud music ] 1131 01:03:37,861 --> 01:03:40,830 I tip my hat to the new constitution 1132 01:03:40,864 --> 01:03:44,322 Take a bow for a new revolution 1133 01:03:44,367 --> 01:03:47,768 Smile and grin at the change all around me 1134 01:03:47,804 --> 01:03:51,433 Pick up my guitar and play 1135 01:03:51,474 --> 01:03:54,705 Just like yesterday 1136 01:03:54,744 --> 01:03:58,373 Then I get on my knees and pray 1137 01:04:01,918 --> 01:04:05,149 We don't get fooled again 1138 01:04:05,188 --> 01:04:06,621 No, no 1139 01:04:09,325 --> 01:04:11,725 If I had a hammer 1140 01:04:11,761 --> 01:04:15,026 I'd a-hammer in the morning 1141 01:04:15,064 --> 01:04:17,225 I'd a-hammer in the evening 1142 01:04:17,267 --> 01:04:20,896 - She's good, huh? - She's very good. Very good. 1143 01:04:20,937 --> 01:04:22,370 That's great. 1144 01:04:22,405 --> 01:04:23,838 That's fine. Thank you so much. 1145 01:04:23,873 --> 01:04:25,636 But I can sing the whole song. 1146 01:04:25,675 --> 01:04:27,074 That was wonderful. Great. 1147 01:04:27,110 --> 01:04:28,907 That was enough. That was fine. 1148 01:04:28,945 --> 01:04:31,812 All right. Bring in the next thing. 1149 01:04:31,848 --> 01:04:34,078 Christ, there's gotta be somebody in America... 1150 01:04:34,117 --> 01:04:37,086 with some talent. Hi! 1151 01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:40,817 FEMALE EXECUTIVE: Now. I saw her in a little club. 1152 01:04:40,857 --> 01:04:42,586 You're gonna love her. 1153 01:04:42,625 --> 01:04:44,388 [ Playing guitar ] 1154 01:04:46,863 --> 01:04:49,764 [ Singing atonally ] If I had a hammer 1155 01:04:49,799 --> 01:04:53,132 I'd hammer in the morning 1156 01:04:53,169 --> 01:04:56,434 I'd hammer in the evening 1157 01:04:56,472 --> 01:04:59,532 All over this land 1158 01:04:59,576 --> 01:05:03,239 I'd hammer out danger 1159 01:05:03,279 --> 01:05:06,214 I'd hammer out a warning 1160 01:05:06,249 --> 01:05:09,685 I'd hammer out love between 1161 01:05:09,719 --> 01:05:12,210 My brothers and my sisters 1162 01:05:12,255 --> 01:05:15,884 All over this land 1163 01:05:15,925 --> 01:05:17,358 [ Gunshot ] 1164 01:05:18,394 --> 01:05:20,919 [ Bell tolls ] 1165 01:05:20,964 --> 01:05:23,990 All over this land 1166 01:05:24,033 --> 01:05:26,729 [ Gong clangs ] 1167 01:05:26,769 --> 01:05:28,066 If I were a... 1168 01:05:28,104 --> 01:05:31,596 - Oh, no, thank you. - That's great. Fantastic! 1169 01:05:34,110 --> 01:05:36,738 That was great. We'll be in touch. 1170 01:05:36,779 --> 01:05:38,076 Thank you. Thank you. 1171 01:05:38,114 --> 01:05:40,105 We've been going about this all wrong. 1172 01:05:40,149 --> 01:05:42,242 Rather than killing ourselves trying to find good acts... 1173 01:05:42,285 --> 01:05:44,253 we just put bad ones and kill them! 1174 01:05:44,287 --> 01:05:46,050 Chuck, honestly, this-- and I know you like them-- 1175 01:05:46,089 --> 01:05:47,249 this is torture. 1176 01:05:47,290 --> 01:05:49,690 No, no, no. We kill 'em before they're through. 1177 01:05:49,726 --> 01:05:51,694 As soon as it gets unbearable... 1178 01:05:51,728 --> 01:05:53,218 we kill 'em-- dead! 1179 01:05:54,764 --> 01:05:56,356 [ "The Gong Show" theme plays ] 1180 01:05:56,399 --> 01:05:59,095 Ladies and gentlemen, this act-- 1181 01:05:59,135 --> 01:06:02,366 Ah! Oh, this is so good! I love this, man. 1182 01:06:02,405 --> 01:06:06,034 This next act answers the age-old question: 1183 01:06:06,075 --> 01:06:09,738 If you wear a cellophane-- if you-- 1184 01:06:09,779 --> 01:06:10,871 Whish! OK. 1185 01:06:10,913 --> 01:06:12,210 [ Audience laughs ] 1186 01:06:12,248 --> 01:06:16,184 If you wear-- ha ha-- a cellophane suit... 1187 01:06:16,219 --> 01:06:19,711 can people clearly see you're nuts? 1188 01:06:19,756 --> 01:06:22,725 I don't know. A little humor, folks. 1189 01:06:22,759 --> 01:06:25,353 All the way from Pacoima... 1190 01:06:25,395 --> 01:06:27,420 Mick Donnelly! 1191 01:06:27,463 --> 01:06:29,226 [ Cheers and applause ] 1192 01:06:29,265 --> 01:06:31,825 [ Music plays ] 1193 01:06:31,868 --> 01:06:35,395 [ Off-key ] Raindrops keep falling on my head 1194 01:06:35,438 --> 01:06:36,996 Just like the guy 1195 01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:40,168 Whose feet are too big for his bed 1196 01:06:40,209 --> 01:06:42,803 Nothin' seems to fit those 1197 01:06:42,845 --> 01:06:44,813 Raindrops are fallin' on my head 1198 01:06:44,847 --> 01:06:47,077 They keep fallin' 1199 01:06:47,116 --> 01:06:51,746 So I just did me some talkin' to the sun 1200 01:06:51,788 --> 01:06:53,813 And I said I didn't like 1201 01:06:53,856 --> 01:06:56,324 The way he got things done 1202 01:06:56,359 --> 01:06:59,487 Sleepin' on the job, those... 1203 01:06:59,529 --> 01:07:02,191 BARRIS: Who could have known there were so many Americans... 1204 01:07:02,231 --> 01:07:05,257 just waiting for the opportunity to get on TV... 1205 01:07:05,301 --> 01:07:08,202 and make an ass out of themselves? 1206 01:07:08,237 --> 01:07:09,864 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 1207 01:07:09,906 --> 01:07:11,874 But that doesn't mean my eyes 1208 01:07:11,908 --> 01:07:13,808 Will soon be turnin' red 1209 01:07:13,843 --> 01:07:15,333 [ Audience booing ] 1210 01:07:15,378 --> 01:07:17,209 Cryin's not for me, 'cause 1211 01:07:17,246 --> 01:07:21,376 I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin' 1212 01:07:21,417 --> 01:07:23,112 Because I'm-- 1213 01:07:23,152 --> 01:07:25,677 [ Gong ] 1214 01:07:25,722 --> 01:07:30,386 We'll be back with more stuff... 1215 01:07:30,426 --> 01:07:32,485 right after this message. 1216 01:07:35,998 --> 01:07:38,091 You know what the sad part about it is-- 1217 01:07:38,134 --> 01:07:39,601 Barris has a reputation... 1218 01:07:39,635 --> 01:07:41,603 for lowering the bar of television... 1219 01:07:41,637 --> 01:07:43,571 and the standards and all... 1220 01:07:43,606 --> 01:07:45,904 but he had a great feel for what people wanted... 1221 01:07:45,942 --> 01:07:48,137 and he couldn't take the criticism. 1222 01:07:48,177 --> 01:07:51,772 BARRIS: Things started to evolve pretty quickly. 1223 01:07:51,814 --> 01:07:54,146 The show was gaining momentum... 1224 01:07:54,183 --> 01:07:58,119 and I was becoming the one thing I didn't expect... 1225 01:07:58,154 --> 01:07:59,712 famous. 1226 01:07:59,756 --> 01:08:02,384 - You're Chuck Barris, right? - Yeah. 1227 01:08:02,425 --> 01:08:04,325 "The Gong Show." I love that show. 1228 01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:05,884 Thanks. 1229 01:09:06,155 --> 01:09:07,383 WOMAN: Hi. 1230 01:09:07,423 --> 01:09:08,981 Hi. 1231 01:09:09,025 --> 01:09:11,653 I thought that was you. 1232 01:09:11,694 --> 01:09:14,595 Yeah... it's me. 1233 01:09:14,630 --> 01:09:16,894 [ Woman laughs ] 1234 01:09:16,933 --> 01:09:20,391 Well, I'm glad to meet you. I've seen "The Gong Show." 1235 01:09:20,436 --> 01:09:22,336 Oh. Yeah, well... 1236 01:09:23,639 --> 01:09:25,937 I think you're the most insidious, despicable force... 1237 01:09:25,975 --> 01:09:27,636 in entertainment today. 1238 01:09:30,012 --> 01:09:32,412 How dare you subject the rest of the world... 1239 01:09:32,448 --> 01:09:35,110 to your loathsome views of humanity? 1240 01:09:35,151 --> 01:09:37,016 Yeah... I don't think it's that loathsome. 1241 01:09:37,053 --> 01:09:39,044 What is it, then? 1242 01:09:39,088 --> 01:09:40,715 To mock some poor lonely people... 1243 01:09:40,756 --> 01:09:43,554 who are just craving a little attention in their lives... 1244 01:09:43,593 --> 01:09:45,458 to destroy them? 1245 01:09:45,495 --> 01:09:47,656 I mean, they're still people. 1246 01:09:47,697 --> 01:09:50,632 They still deserve a little respect and compassion. 1247 01:09:52,535 --> 01:09:54,127 Who the hell are you... 1248 01:09:54,170 --> 01:09:56,035 and what the fuck have you ever done... 1249 01:09:56,072 --> 01:09:58,700 to elevate yourself among the pathetic masses? 1250 01:10:00,276 --> 01:10:03,143 Oh, that's right. You created "The Dating Game." 1251 01:10:03,179 --> 01:10:04,544 Wow. 1252 01:10:06,148 --> 01:10:08,810 That's right up there with the Sistine Chapel. 1253 01:10:08,851 --> 01:10:10,284 [ Drink spills ] 1254 01:10:12,989 --> 01:10:15,253 Ladies and gentlemen... 1255 01:10:15,291 --> 01:10:17,759 it wouldn't surprise me to see this next act-- 1256 01:10:17,793 --> 01:10:19,090 [ Upbeat music begins ] 1257 01:10:19,128 --> 01:10:20,595 MAN: Whoo! 1258 01:10:20,630 --> 01:10:22,427 That means... 1259 01:10:22,465 --> 01:10:27,129 it's Gene Gene, the Dancing Machine... 1260 01:10:27,169 --> 01:10:30,297 and just in time! 1261 01:10:30,339 --> 01:10:32,432 [ Gene's dancing music plays ] 1262 01:10:53,195 --> 01:10:54,662 FEMALE CRITIC: He represents more... 1263 01:10:54,697 --> 01:10:56,858 than just the decline of quality television. 1264 01:10:56,899 --> 01:10:59,424 In my opinion, Chuck Barris will do more harm... 1265 01:10:59,468 --> 01:11:02,494 to our society than people seem to realize. 1266 01:11:02,538 --> 01:11:04,301 LORETTA: Line one's for you, Chuck. 1267 01:11:04,340 --> 01:11:06,069 - Who is it? - Some guy. 1268 01:11:06,108 --> 01:11:09,077 He says he's a friend of yours from Berlin. 1269 01:11:23,759 --> 01:11:24,885 Hello. 1270 01:11:24,927 --> 01:11:26,758 Very gutsy, my neighbor. 1271 01:11:26,796 --> 01:11:29,924 I guess you heard about Oliver. 1272 01:11:29,966 --> 01:11:31,763 Someone changed sides. 1273 01:11:31,801 --> 01:11:33,632 [ Car door opens, street noises ] 1274 01:11:33,669 --> 01:11:34,966 What was so urgent? 1275 01:11:35,004 --> 01:11:36,471 [ Car door closes ] 1276 01:11:37,640 --> 01:11:39,437 [ Street noises ] 1277 01:11:39,475 --> 01:11:41,568 KEELER: I was wondering, you wanna grab a bite? 1278 01:11:41,611 --> 01:11:43,272 I'm in town for a day. 1279 01:11:43,312 --> 01:11:45,803 BARRIS: Now, assassins don't fraternize. 1280 01:11:45,848 --> 01:11:47,611 That Keeler was calling me... 1281 01:11:47,650 --> 01:11:49,618 could mean it was my turn to get hit. 1282 01:11:49,652 --> 01:11:53,816 I would take him somewhere where I knew I would be safe. 1283 01:11:55,992 --> 01:11:57,619 How's show biz? 1284 01:11:57,660 --> 01:11:59,457 Well, it's hit and miss. 1285 01:11:59,495 --> 01:12:02,396 I got a new show called "Operation: Entertainment"... 1286 01:12:02,431 --> 01:12:04,899 which I believe is really, really gonna kill. 1287 01:12:04,934 --> 01:12:07,732 It's sort of a Bob Hope visiting the troops thing... 1288 01:12:07,770 --> 01:12:09,260 but it's weekly. 1289 01:12:09,305 --> 01:12:11,432 Instead of Bob Hope, it's like Flip Wilson... 1290 01:12:11,474 --> 01:12:13,738 Chuck. Tch. 1291 01:12:13,776 --> 01:12:16,404 Why do you do what you do? 1292 01:12:16,445 --> 01:12:17,639 Hmm? 1293 01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:22,310 I like to think that I bring joy and laughter... 1294 01:12:22,351 --> 01:12:23,909 to millions of people. 1295 01:12:23,953 --> 01:12:25,921 It's a very important thing, I think... 1296 01:12:25,955 --> 01:12:27,252 in these difficult times. 1297 01:12:27,289 --> 01:12:30,417 I'm not saying the show is as good as it can be yet... 1298 01:12:30,459 --> 01:12:31,585 but, uh... 1299 01:12:31,627 --> 01:12:33,254 KEELER: No, no. 1300 01:12:33,295 --> 01:12:36,628 Why do we do what we do? 1301 01:12:38,200 --> 01:12:40,464 Hmm? [ Laughs ] Come on. 1302 01:12:41,737 --> 01:12:45,173 I got my feet wet in World War II. 1303 01:12:45,207 --> 01:12:48,233 Germany. 1304 01:12:48,277 --> 01:12:52,441 The pleasure of killing was exhilarating. 1305 01:12:52,481 --> 01:12:54,745 Later in life, I... 1306 01:12:54,784 --> 01:12:59,448 couldn't find a place to fill that void... 1307 01:12:59,488 --> 01:13:02,889 to get that same rush of energy. 1308 01:13:02,925 --> 01:13:05,291 So I started up my own business. 1309 01:13:05,327 --> 01:13:08,728 MAN: Gentlemen, are you ready to order? 1310 01:13:08,764 --> 01:13:11,130 I'll have a green salad, no dressing. 1311 01:13:11,167 --> 01:13:12,691 And for you, sir? 1312 01:13:12,735 --> 01:13:14,760 Can I get a steak? Rare. 1313 01:13:14,804 --> 01:13:16,135 Thank you. 1314 01:13:18,641 --> 01:13:20,939 Let me read you something. 1315 01:13:22,044 --> 01:13:25,411 "Whatsoever your hand finds to do... 1316 01:13:25,448 --> 01:13:27,439 "do it gladly... 1317 01:13:27,483 --> 01:13:31,442 "because there is no work, love, knowledge... 1318 01:13:31,487 --> 01:13:33,580 "or wisdom in the grave." 1319 01:13:33,622 --> 01:13:35,783 Who is that, Carlyle? 1320 01:13:35,825 --> 01:13:40,125 No, it's the Old Testament. 1321 01:13:41,864 --> 01:13:43,331 It's God. 1322 01:13:43,365 --> 01:13:45,595 It's amazing you should quote him. 1323 01:13:45,634 --> 01:13:47,124 He's my hero. 1324 01:13:47,169 --> 01:13:49,467 [ Both laugh ] 1325 01:13:51,474 --> 01:13:57,003 Killing my first man... 1326 01:13:57,046 --> 01:14:00,413 was like making love to my first woman. 1327 01:14:01,917 --> 01:14:06,286 I remember every little detail... 1328 01:14:06,322 --> 01:14:08,950 the smell of his hair... 1329 01:14:08,991 --> 01:14:11,551 ice on the window... 1330 01:14:11,594 --> 01:14:13,585 wallpaper. 1331 01:14:15,197 --> 01:14:18,724 It's like entering a different time zone. 1332 01:14:18,768 --> 01:14:21,896 You're becoming an outsider... 1333 01:14:21,937 --> 01:14:24,405 isolating yourself. 1334 01:14:24,440 --> 01:14:26,908 You're condemned. 1335 01:14:28,177 --> 01:14:29,508 CHUCK: Condemned? 1336 01:14:29,545 --> 01:14:32,571 KEELER: You have become... 1337 01:14:32,615 --> 01:14:36,574 their sadness, and... 1338 01:14:36,619 --> 01:14:39,247 live in a different state of mind. 1339 01:14:43,859 --> 01:14:46,089 Ladies and gentlemen... 1340 01:14:46,128 --> 01:14:48,494 the host of "The Gong Show"... 1341 01:14:48,531 --> 01:14:49,930 [ Chuckles ] 1342 01:14:49,965 --> 01:14:51,227 Chuck Barris. 1343 01:14:51,267 --> 01:14:53,667 It's good to see you, Sieg. 1344 01:14:53,702 --> 01:14:56,398 KEELER: Yeah. It'll be all right. 1345 01:14:58,140 --> 01:14:59,471 It'll be all right. 1346 01:14:59,508 --> 01:15:01,169 WOMAN: Happy birthday 1347 01:15:01,210 --> 01:15:02,541 KEELER: I think. 1348 01:15:02,578 --> 01:15:04,375 To you 1349 01:15:04,413 --> 01:15:06,813 Happy birthday 1350 01:15:06,849 --> 01:15:09,841 Dear Chuckie 1351 01:15:09,885 --> 01:15:12,319 Happy birthday 1352 01:15:12,354 --> 01:15:14,549 To you 1353 01:15:20,396 --> 01:15:22,830 Is that right? 1354 01:15:22,865 --> 01:15:26,460 Yeah. That's real good. 1355 01:15:26,502 --> 01:15:28,265 That's real good. 1356 01:15:28,304 --> 01:15:30,940 So what's wrong, Chuck? Are you OK? 1357 01:15:30,940 --> 01:15:32,032 So what's wrong, Chuck? Are you OK? 1358 01:15:32,074 --> 01:15:34,167 Yeah, I'm OK. 1359 01:15:34,210 --> 01:15:38,544 A guy I know killed himself last night. 1360 01:15:48,557 --> 01:15:50,684 A guy I know killed himself. 1361 01:15:57,933 --> 01:16:00,766 - Who was he? - You don't know him. 1362 01:16:00,803 --> 01:16:03,533 He's a stagehand. 1363 01:16:05,574 --> 01:16:07,166 Why did he do it? 1364 01:16:09,945 --> 01:16:12,539 He didn't like his work anymore. 1365 01:16:12,581 --> 01:16:14,708 - Thanks. - Thanks. 1366 01:16:14,750 --> 01:16:17,344 Is being a stagehand really, really bad? 1367 01:16:17,386 --> 01:16:19,445 Yeah, it's pretty bad. 1368 01:16:34,770 --> 01:16:36,032 Hello? 1369 01:16:36,071 --> 01:16:39,370 You were supposed to meet me at the Palm two hours ago. 1370 01:16:39,408 --> 01:16:41,569 - Oh, fuck, I forgot. - You forgot. Really? 1371 01:16:41,610 --> 01:16:44,408 - Keeler's dead. Did you know? - Yeah, I heard. 1372 01:16:44,446 --> 01:16:47,244 - What did you hear? - I heard he took himself out. 1373 01:16:47,283 --> 01:16:49,183 Is that right? Did Byrd tell you that? 1374 01:16:49,218 --> 01:16:51,914 He said he was depressed. I was gonna tell you, but-- Hey! 1375 01:16:51,954 --> 01:16:53,216 Who is this? 1376 01:16:53,255 --> 01:16:54,916 I don't get stood up. Do you understand? 1377 01:16:54,957 --> 01:16:56,015 Fun! Excuse me. 1378 01:16:56,058 --> 01:16:57,525 [ Both laugh ] 1379 01:16:57,559 --> 01:17:02,121 So glad-- Penny. Patricia. How'd you find me? 1380 01:17:02,164 --> 01:17:04,962 Are you serious? This is what I do for a living. 1381 01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:06,558 What does she mean? 1382 01:17:06,602 --> 01:17:08,365 You're dead in my book, strawberry dick. 1383 01:17:08,404 --> 01:17:11,498 - Strawberry dick? - I'll see you around. 1384 01:17:11,540 --> 01:17:15,032 Nice to meet you, Penny. I've heard a lot about you. 1385 01:17:15,077 --> 01:17:18,240 Why don't you stay for a cocktail? 1386 01:17:18,280 --> 01:17:19,508 Penny-- 1387 01:17:19,548 --> 01:17:23,040 And-- and... you know, man... 1388 01:17:23,085 --> 01:17:26,885 I'm giving you one more chance. Get it? 1389 01:17:26,922 --> 01:17:29,720 [ Sighs ] Fuck. 1390 01:17:29,758 --> 01:17:31,055 [ Audience applauds ] 1391 01:17:31,093 --> 01:17:32,458 MAN: Thank you. ladies and gentlemen. 1392 01:17:32,494 --> 01:17:34,894 [ Plays intro to "Fools Rush In" ] 1393 01:17:38,500 --> 01:17:45,929 [ Off-key ] Wise men say 1394 01:17:45,975 --> 01:17:48,739 Only fools 1395 01:17:48,777 --> 01:17:54,477 Rush in 1396 01:17:54,516 --> 01:18:00,614 But I can't help 1397 01:18:00,656 --> 01:18:04,524 Falling in love 1398 01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:11,022 With you 1399 01:18:11,066 --> 01:18:18,268 Take my hand 1400 01:18:18,307 --> 01:18:22,801 Take my whole life 1401 01:18:22,845 --> 01:18:26,872 Too 1402 01:18:26,915 --> 01:18:32,945 For I can't help 1403 01:18:32,988 --> 01:18:37,186 Falling in love 1404 01:18:37,226 --> 01:18:42,755 With you 1405 01:18:42,798 --> 01:18:49,067 For I can't help 1406 01:18:49,104 --> 01:18:53,905 Falling in love 1407 01:18:53,942 --> 01:18:57,742 With 1408 01:18:57,780 --> 01:19:03,184 You 1409 01:19:03,218 --> 01:19:04,412 [ Weak applause ] 1410 01:19:04,453 --> 01:19:05,920 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 1411 01:19:09,058 --> 01:19:11,526 LORETTA, OVER INTERCOM: Line one for you, Chuck. 1412 01:19:13,062 --> 01:19:15,223 Thanks. 1413 01:19:15,264 --> 01:19:16,526 Yeah? 1414 01:19:16,565 --> 01:19:18,192 JIM: Keeler didn't kill himself. 1415 01:19:18,233 --> 01:19:20,224 He was murdered. Watch your back. 1416 01:19:20,269 --> 01:19:22,499 [ Hangs up ] 1417 01:19:22,538 --> 01:19:25,564 You can come in now, Mr.Flexner. 1418 01:19:25,607 --> 01:19:26,574 Chuck! 1419 01:19:26,608 --> 01:19:28,041 [ Chuck hangs up phone ] 1420 01:19:28,077 --> 01:19:31,877 - Great to see ya. - What's up, Rod? 1421 01:19:31,914 --> 01:19:33,381 [ Chuckles ] 1422 01:19:33,415 --> 01:19:36,873 Well... Chuck, may I sit? 1423 01:19:36,919 --> 01:19:38,580 Hey, how's that redhead? 1424 01:19:38,620 --> 01:19:42,181 She's good, you know. Keeps... 1425 01:19:42,224 --> 01:19:45,125 Well, Chuck, the thing is, we have to talk. 1426 01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:46,957 What's up, Rod? 1427 01:19:46,995 --> 01:19:49,395 Well, the thing is... 1428 01:19:49,431 --> 01:19:52,400 some of your old shows aren't doing so well... 1429 01:19:52,434 --> 01:19:56,530 in the old ratings war. Ha ha ha! 1430 01:19:56,572 --> 01:20:00,668 So... I've been put in the unfortunate position... 1431 01:20:00,709 --> 01:20:02,574 of having to inform you... 1432 01:20:02,611 --> 01:20:05,876 that the network is canceling these shows. 1433 01:20:09,184 --> 01:20:10,845 Now, don't shoot me, Chuck. 1434 01:20:12,287 --> 01:20:14,380 I'm just the messenger. 1435 01:20:20,596 --> 01:20:21,756 Psshh. 1436 01:20:24,833 --> 01:20:28,030 Aargh! [ Chuckles ] 1437 01:20:28,070 --> 01:20:29,594 [ Sighs ] 1438 01:20:29,638 --> 01:20:33,631 This really is the hardest part of the job for me. 1439 01:20:35,244 --> 01:20:36,905 CHUCK: They killed my babies... 1440 01:20:36,945 --> 01:20:38,173 just like that. 1441 01:20:38,213 --> 01:20:40,044 I pushed them into the world... 1442 01:20:40,082 --> 01:20:43,415 through the birth canal of my imagination... 1443 01:20:43,452 --> 01:20:46,319 lovingly... tenderly. 1444 01:20:46,355 --> 01:20:50,291 Where's the humanity of these people? Huh? 1445 01:20:50,325 --> 01:20:52,953 - Fuck 'em. - Fuck 'em. 1446 01:20:52,995 --> 01:20:54,963 They're fucking bastards anyway. 1447 01:20:54,997 --> 01:20:57,727 Yeah. What am I gonna do now? 1448 01:20:59,835 --> 01:21:01,826 WOMAN: Oh, baby. 1449 01:21:01,870 --> 01:21:05,431 Oh, yeah. Feels so good. 1450 01:21:20,022 --> 01:21:23,549 [ Woman moans softly ] 1451 01:21:27,029 --> 01:21:28,428 Chuck? 1452 01:21:32,467 --> 01:21:33,661 PENNY: Chuck? 1453 01:21:33,702 --> 01:21:35,135 Fuck! Fuck! 1454 01:21:35,170 --> 01:21:37,638 Penny, fuck! 1455 01:21:53,822 --> 01:21:56,689 I came here to tell you I sold a painting. 1456 01:21:56,725 --> 01:21:58,659 That's great. 1457 01:22:01,096 --> 01:22:03,155 What's she doing here? 1458 01:22:03,198 --> 01:22:04,927 CHUCK: She's, uh... 1459 01:22:06,768 --> 01:22:10,067 PENNY: This is our house. 1460 01:22:10,105 --> 01:22:14,735 It's one thing to go elsewhere for your pussy needs. 1461 01:22:14,776 --> 01:22:17,438 But this is our house. 1462 01:22:17,479 --> 01:22:19,071 It's my house, Pen. 1463 01:22:19,114 --> 01:22:20,638 It's our house. 1464 01:22:23,018 --> 01:22:25,919 I found it with you. I decorated it with you. 1465 01:22:25,954 --> 01:22:28,286 I spent six fucking months... 1466 01:22:28,323 --> 01:22:31,224 waiting for the fucking plumber to fucking come. 1467 01:22:37,065 --> 01:22:38,794 CHUCK: I'm sorry. 1468 01:22:41,470 --> 01:22:43,802 You're such an asshole. 1469 01:23:00,088 --> 01:23:01,419 [ Starts engine ] 1470 01:23:28,216 --> 01:23:31,413 No, I'm not saying that. That's not what I'm saying. 1471 01:23:31,453 --> 01:23:33,421 PENNY: Then what are you saying, Chuck? 1472 01:23:33,455 --> 01:23:34,945 [ Sniffles ] 1473 01:23:35,991 --> 01:23:38,983 [ Crying ] Do you want me around or not? 1474 01:23:39,027 --> 01:23:41,427 Do you even like me? 1475 01:23:41,463 --> 01:23:43,431 Of course I like you. 1476 01:23:43,465 --> 01:23:44,932 Penny... 1477 01:23:44,966 --> 01:23:47,594 - How much? - What? 1478 01:23:47,636 --> 01:23:51,128 I need to know how much you like me. 1479 01:23:51,173 --> 01:23:53,573 I don't know what that means. 1480 01:23:53,608 --> 01:23:57,942 How much? How can I rate a person in that way? 1481 01:23:57,979 --> 01:24:00,470 You could if you felt it. 1482 01:24:00,515 --> 01:24:02,608 If you felt it, it would be easy. 1483 01:24:02,651 --> 01:24:04,380 You would just... 1484 01:24:04,419 --> 01:24:05,886 [ Exhales ] 1485 01:24:05,921 --> 01:24:09,550 spread your arms as wide as they would go... 1486 01:24:09,591 --> 01:24:12,059 and say, "This much, Penny." 1487 01:24:21,336 --> 01:24:23,566 [ Whispering ] Everything-- 1488 01:24:23,605 --> 01:24:25,835 Everything's complicated, Pen. 1489 01:24:25,874 --> 01:24:28,968 You know, nothing's black and white like that. 1490 01:24:35,584 --> 01:24:37,484 Do you want me around or not? 1491 01:24:37,519 --> 01:24:40,955 Because if you don't, it's OK. Just tell me. 1492 01:24:40,989 --> 01:24:42,456 Hey, hey... 1493 01:24:45,627 --> 01:24:49,757 I love you, Penny, in my way. 1494 01:24:55,237 --> 01:24:59,765 Maybe not in that crazy head-over-heels thing... 1495 01:24:59,808 --> 01:25:02,106 but what is that anyway? 1496 01:25:02,144 --> 01:25:05,045 Romantic love... 1497 01:25:05,080 --> 01:25:07,776 isn't that just an illusion? 1498 01:25:11,386 --> 01:25:14,480 You just said you loved me, right? 1499 01:25:16,925 --> 01:25:17,949 [ Sniffles ] 1500 01:25:29,171 --> 01:25:32,231 [ Music fades in ] 1501 01:25:32,274 --> 01:25:35,471 Just like yesterday 1502 01:25:35,510 --> 01:25:39,640 And I'll get on my knees and pray 1503 01:25:43,051 --> 01:25:44,075 We don't-- 1504 01:25:44,119 --> 01:25:45,211 [ Turns off music ] 1505 01:25:58,366 --> 01:25:59,765 JIM: Hi, Chuck. 1506 01:25:59,801 --> 01:26:01,701 Hey, Jim, what do you want? 1507 01:26:01,736 --> 01:26:03,863 - How's work? - Great. 1508 01:26:03,905 --> 01:26:05,532 Any new game show ideas? 1509 01:26:05,574 --> 01:26:08,168 Dozens. Why are you here, Jim? 1510 01:26:08,210 --> 01:26:12,146 We need you to find the mole and take him out. 1511 01:26:16,184 --> 01:26:17,651 Yeah. 1512 01:26:17,686 --> 01:26:19,916 [ Laughs ] 1513 01:26:19,955 --> 01:26:23,391 Yeah... I'm done killing people. 1514 01:26:23,425 --> 01:26:25,893 I just want to entertain people. 1515 01:26:25,927 --> 01:26:27,554 I'm out. 1516 01:26:28,797 --> 01:26:30,697 No, you're not. 1517 01:26:35,403 --> 01:26:37,394 Hey, I got an idea. 1518 01:26:37,439 --> 01:26:40,067 If you want him so bad... 1519 01:26:40,108 --> 01:26:41,905 why don't you do it? 1520 01:26:41,943 --> 01:26:43,911 Why don't you kill the mole? 1521 01:26:43,945 --> 01:26:46,175 Any problem with killing, Jim? 1522 01:26:47,682 --> 01:26:50,446 I just don't fit the profile. 1523 01:26:50,485 --> 01:26:53,283 What fucking profile? There is no fucking profile. 1524 01:26:53,321 --> 01:26:54,481 OK. There's no profile. 1525 01:26:54,523 --> 01:26:57,185 - There's no profile. - OK. 1526 01:27:00,595 --> 01:27:02,722 You had a twin sister, stillborn... 1527 01:27:02,764 --> 01:27:04,857 strangled by your umbilical cord. 1528 01:27:04,900 --> 01:27:07,460 Your first hit. 1529 01:27:07,502 --> 01:27:09,367 Your mother always wanted a daughter. 1530 01:27:09,404 --> 01:27:11,429 She blamed you for your sister's death... 1531 01:27:11,473 --> 01:27:13,168 so until your sister Phoebe was born... 1532 01:27:13,208 --> 01:27:15,574 she raised you as a girl. 1533 01:27:15,610 --> 01:27:17,043 What else? 1534 01:27:17,078 --> 01:27:19,740 Your father, the dentist. 1535 01:27:19,781 --> 01:27:23,182 Not really your father. 1536 01:27:23,218 --> 01:27:26,881 Your real father was a man named Edmond James Windsor. 1537 01:27:26,922 --> 01:27:29,049 Among other things, he was a serial killer... 1538 01:27:29,090 --> 01:27:30,955 a fact your mother didn't know... 1539 01:27:30,992 --> 01:27:33,893 when she had an affair with him in 1928. 1540 01:27:33,929 --> 01:27:36,227 - That's ridiculous. - Is it? 1541 01:27:36,264 --> 01:27:37,891 That's insane. 1542 01:27:37,933 --> 01:27:41,198 Windsor died in the electric chair in 1939. 1543 01:27:42,804 --> 01:27:45,432 I'm trying to think of what more I can tell you... 1544 01:27:45,473 --> 01:27:47,464 but you have me at a bit of a disadvantage, Chuck. 1545 01:27:47,509 --> 01:27:49,875 I don't have your files in front of me. 1546 01:27:58,453 --> 01:27:59,852 Come on, Jim. 1547 01:28:05,961 --> 01:28:07,485 I'm out. 1548 01:28:14,903 --> 01:28:18,703 As long as the mole's alive, you're a dead man. 1549 01:28:18,740 --> 01:28:21,641 How do I know it's not you? 1550 01:28:21,676 --> 01:28:24,167 You're a fairly bright guy. 1551 01:28:25,747 --> 01:28:27,874 You'll figure it out. 1552 01:28:54,643 --> 01:28:56,577 [ Ominous chords ] 1553 01:29:49,898 --> 01:29:53,732 [ No audio ] 1554 01:30:06,347 --> 01:30:09,373 [ No audio ] 1555 01:30:09,417 --> 01:30:12,875 [ Ominous music continues ] 1556 01:30:26,634 --> 01:30:29,467 [ Bagpipe music fades in ] 1557 01:30:33,775 --> 01:30:36,335 - Hey, Chuck. I-- - Take it off. 1558 01:30:36,377 --> 01:30:38,607 Who are you? What's your name? 1559 01:30:38,646 --> 01:30:40,443 [ Gong ] 1560 01:30:42,150 --> 01:30:43,981 [ Audience applauds ] 1561 01:30:44,018 --> 01:30:47,510 [ Incidental game show music ] 1562 01:30:50,058 --> 01:30:54,859 Yeah... that's the way it goes on TV. 1563 01:30:54,896 --> 01:30:58,457 CHUCK: Get off the stage. Go back to Scotland! 1564 01:30:58,500 --> 01:31:02,231 Get yourself a Guinness and some Lucky Charms. 1565 01:31:02,270 --> 01:31:05,467 All right. Ladies and gentlemen... 1566 01:31:05,507 --> 01:31:07,998 the prince of puns... 1567 01:31:08,042 --> 01:31:10,237 the wizard of whoopee! 1568 01:31:10,278 --> 01:31:11,677 [ Applause ] 1569 01:31:11,713 --> 01:31:14,079 The Unknown Comic! 1570 01:31:14,115 --> 01:31:16,083 Hey, Chuckie, baby! 1571 01:31:16,117 --> 01:31:18,244 Hey, Chuckie, baby, I got a joke for you. 1572 01:31:18,286 --> 01:31:19,753 - A joke. - What? 1573 01:31:19,788 --> 01:31:20,914 What's the difference between toilet paper... 1574 01:31:20,955 --> 01:31:21,922 and a shower curtain? 1575 01:31:21,956 --> 01:31:24,322 - I don't know. What? - Here's the guy! 1576 01:31:24,359 --> 01:31:27,453 - Get off the stage. - No, it's my turn, Chuckie. 1577 01:31:27,495 --> 01:31:30,521 - Get off the stage. - You're fucking crazy, man. 1578 01:31:30,565 --> 01:31:32,556 Get the fuck out of here. 1579 01:31:32,600 --> 01:31:35,330 Ladies and gentlemen... 1580 01:31:35,370 --> 01:31:39,170 our next act-- Ha ha! 1581 01:31:39,207 --> 01:31:40,731 First came... 1582 01:31:43,444 --> 01:31:46,777 To us... all the way... 1583 01:31:48,650 --> 01:31:51,141 Um... ha ha... 1584 01:31:51,186 --> 01:31:54,781 Lord. Crazy on coast-to-coast. 1585 01:31:57,158 --> 01:31:58,625 Come on. 1586 01:32:02,664 --> 01:32:04,928 You like the way Mommy looks? 1587 01:32:04,966 --> 01:32:06,524 Yes. 1588 01:32:06,568 --> 01:32:10,334 I bet you'd like to be a mommy some day, wouldn't you? 1589 01:32:10,371 --> 01:32:11,633 Come here, you. 1590 01:32:11,673 --> 01:32:14,164 [ Renda crying out ] 1591 01:32:18,947 --> 01:32:21,438 CHUCK: Sorry about your teeth. 1592 01:32:31,392 --> 01:32:34,589 MOTHER: ...birthday to you 1593 01:32:34,629 --> 01:32:39,066 Happy birthday to you 1594 01:32:39,100 --> 01:32:43,332 Happy birthday, dear Chuckie 1595 01:32:43,371 --> 01:32:45,862 Happy birthday to-- 1596 01:32:58,019 --> 01:33:01,216 Come on. Take me away now. 1597 01:33:01,256 --> 01:33:03,747 Take me away. 1598 01:33:03,791 --> 01:33:06,692 What are you waitin' for? 1599 01:33:06,728 --> 01:33:09,424 Come on. Come on. 1600 01:33:09,464 --> 01:33:11,728 Come on. 1601 01:33:13,134 --> 01:33:16,900 I see you. I know who you are. 1602 01:33:16,938 --> 01:33:18,496 What are you looking at? 1603 01:33:18,539 --> 01:33:21,406 [ Music starts ] 1604 01:33:21,442 --> 01:33:23,876 SINGERS: If I had a hammer 1605 01:33:23,912 --> 01:33:26,847 I'd a-hammer in the mornin' 1606 01:33:26,881 --> 01:33:29,509 I'd a-hammer in the evenin' 1607 01:33:29,550 --> 01:33:32,144 All over this land 1608 01:33:32,186 --> 01:33:34,916 I'd a-hammer out danger 1609 01:33:34,956 --> 01:33:37,424 I'd a-hammer out a warnin' 1610 01:33:37,458 --> 01:33:39,255 I'd a-hammer out love 1611 01:33:39,294 --> 01:33:41,421 Between my brothers and my sisters 1612 01:33:41,462 --> 01:33:43,760 All over 1613 01:33:43,798 --> 01:33:46,665 This land 1614 01:33:46,701 --> 01:33:48,498 Ooh ooh ooh 1615 01:33:48,536 --> 01:33:51,232 If I had a bell 1616 01:33:51,272 --> 01:33:53,900 I'd a-ring it in the mornin' 1617 01:33:53,942 --> 01:33:56,672 I'd a-ring it in the evenin' 1618 01:33:56,711 --> 01:33:59,111 All over this land 1619 01:33:59,147 --> 01:34:01,945 I'd ring out danger 1620 01:34:01,983 --> 01:34:04,417 I'd ring out a warning 1621 01:34:04,452 --> 01:34:05,817 I'd ring out 1622 01:34:05,853 --> 01:34:08,583 Love between my brothers and my sisters 1623 01:34:08,623 --> 01:34:10,716 All over 1624 01:34:10,758 --> 01:34:13,556 This land 1625 01:34:13,594 --> 01:34:15,425 Ooh 1626 01:34:15,463 --> 01:34:18,057 If I had a song 1627 01:34:18,099 --> 01:34:20,829 I'd sing it in the morning 1628 01:34:20,868 --> 01:34:23,496 I'd sing it in the evenin' 1629 01:34:23,538 --> 01:34:25,904 All over this land 1630 01:34:25,940 --> 01:34:28,670 I'd sing out danger 1631 01:34:28,710 --> 01:34:31,076 I'd sing out a warning 1632 01:34:31,112 --> 01:34:33,080 I'd sing out love 1633 01:34:33,114 --> 01:34:35,412 Between my brothers and my sisters 1634 01:34:35,450 --> 01:34:37,543 All over 1635 01:34:37,585 --> 01:34:39,721 This land 1636 01:34:39,721 --> 01:34:40,050 This land 1637 01:34:42,056 --> 01:34:43,921 BARRIS: Dear Penny... 1638 01:34:43,958 --> 01:34:48,588 this is just a note to say that I'm sorry... 1639 01:34:48,629 --> 01:34:51,097 for all of it. 1640 01:34:51,132 --> 01:34:54,067 You were the best part of my life... 1641 01:34:54,102 --> 01:34:56,900 and I couldn't see it. 1642 01:34:56,938 --> 01:34:59,270 I'm not asking for another chance... 1643 01:35:00,708 --> 01:35:03,074 just for your forgiveness. 1644 01:35:04,645 --> 01:35:06,272 Love. Chuck. 1645 01:35:16,257 --> 01:35:17,849 [ Knock on door ] 1646 01:35:25,900 --> 01:35:27,868 Well... 1647 01:35:27,902 --> 01:35:30,234 look who comes out of hiding. 1648 01:35:31,606 --> 01:35:33,597 CHUCK: I started thinking, Trish, you're the only woman... 1649 01:35:33,641 --> 01:35:36,735 in the world who really-- who really knows me. 1650 01:35:36,778 --> 01:35:39,747 I know I screwed you over in the past... 1651 01:35:39,781 --> 01:35:42,079 and I'm sorry. I... 1652 01:35:42,116 --> 01:35:44,778 [ Piano concerto plays ] 1653 01:35:46,054 --> 01:35:48,284 I just want you to know that... 1654 01:35:52,460 --> 01:35:54,621 I hate myself for how-- 1655 01:35:54,662 --> 01:35:58,928 Goddamn, I hate myself for how I lived, Trish. 1656 01:36:00,368 --> 01:36:03,064 PATRICIA: Nietzsche says whoever despises oneself... 1657 01:36:03,104 --> 01:36:06,437 still respects oneself as one who despises. 1658 01:36:07,775 --> 01:36:09,766 CHUCK: Shit, I never thought of that. 1659 01:36:09,811 --> 01:36:13,042 I can't even despise myself with any insight. 1660 01:36:13,081 --> 01:36:15,709 The insane asylums are filled with people... 1661 01:36:15,750 --> 01:36:18,184 who think they're Jesus or Satan. 1662 01:36:18,219 --> 01:36:21,188 Very few have delusions of being... 1663 01:36:21,222 --> 01:36:25,022 a guy down the block who works for an insurance company. 1664 01:36:27,428 --> 01:36:29,123 All right. 1665 01:36:30,832 --> 01:36:33,460 What is this stuff? 1666 01:36:33,501 --> 01:36:35,401 I wanted to be a writer once. 1667 01:36:35,436 --> 01:36:37,370 I wanted to write something... 1668 01:36:37,405 --> 01:36:39,896 that someday some lesser person would quote... 1669 01:36:39,941 --> 01:36:41,465 but I never did. 1670 01:36:41,509 --> 01:36:44,205 I'm the lesser person, Trish. 1671 01:36:44,245 --> 01:36:46,145 I never say anything meaningful... 1672 01:36:46,180 --> 01:36:48,808 that wasn't said by somebody else first. 1673 01:36:48,850 --> 01:36:51,910 I am disposable. 1674 01:36:51,953 --> 01:36:55,150 I disposed of people, and I'm disposable. 1675 01:36:59,026 --> 01:37:03,190 I've been thinking about you a lot lately, Chuck. 1676 01:37:03,231 --> 01:37:06,223 - Oh, yeah? - Mmm. 1677 01:37:06,267 --> 01:37:08,201 I've missed you. 1678 01:37:08,236 --> 01:37:10,431 You could have fooled me. 1679 01:37:10,471 --> 01:37:12,336 Well, I've mellowed. 1680 01:37:12,373 --> 01:37:14,398 [ Chuckles ] 1681 01:37:14,442 --> 01:37:16,103 Boston is a beautiful city. 1682 01:37:16,144 --> 01:37:20,740 We could start over here, normal life together. 1683 01:37:20,781 --> 01:37:23,113 Sell insurance. 1684 01:37:23,151 --> 01:37:24,618 [ Laughs ] 1685 01:37:24,652 --> 01:37:28,383 Yeah! That sounds good. That sounds right. 1686 01:37:31,492 --> 01:37:32,857 Look at that. 1687 01:37:32,894 --> 01:37:36,125 I could lean to love that skyline. 1688 01:37:37,765 --> 01:37:40,427 Did you see I got your picture framed? 1689 01:37:40,468 --> 01:37:41,935 Oh, yeah? Where? 1690 01:37:41,969 --> 01:37:44,870 - Look. - Oh, hot dog! 1691 01:37:47,441 --> 01:37:48,806 To life. 1692 01:37:50,811 --> 01:37:52,244 To life. 1693 01:38:03,424 --> 01:38:07,121 You devil. Isn't that sweet? 1694 01:38:07,161 --> 01:38:08,560 Oh... 1695 01:38:10,398 --> 01:38:14,232 Hey, what about splitting our time in New York? 1696 01:38:16,837 --> 01:38:19,032 Fuck. I just bit-- 1697 01:38:19,073 --> 01:38:21,541 It's just a-- [ Gags ] 1698 01:38:21,576 --> 01:38:24,101 [ Gagging ] 1699 01:38:35,256 --> 01:38:37,383 [ Gasping, grunting ] 1700 01:38:37,425 --> 01:38:39,256 PATRICIA: No, that's too quick. 1701 01:38:39,293 --> 01:38:43,229 You're supposed to get to the bathroom and throw up first. 1702 01:38:43,264 --> 01:38:45,824 God, Chuck, you should have seen Oliver's face. 1703 01:38:45,866 --> 01:38:49,597 It was just... well... if I do say so myself. 1704 01:38:49,637 --> 01:38:52,071 I got a nice snapshot of it, actually. 1705 01:38:52,106 --> 01:38:53,471 Mmm... 1706 01:38:53,507 --> 01:38:54,997 You know, Keeler was easy. 1707 01:38:55,042 --> 01:38:59,570 Traveled halfway around the world for a night with me. 1708 01:38:59,614 --> 01:39:01,104 Hmm... 1709 01:39:01,148 --> 01:39:02,581 [ Chuck panting ] 1710 01:39:02,617 --> 01:39:06,053 OK... Let's see... 1711 01:39:06,087 --> 01:39:09,955 [ Grunts ] Chuck, you've put on weight. 1712 01:39:11,959 --> 01:39:14,189 Come on. 1713 01:39:14,228 --> 01:39:15,786 I nearly blew it with Byrd. 1714 01:39:15,830 --> 01:39:19,561 Never farm out a job that you should do yourself. 1715 01:39:19,600 --> 01:39:23,536 Do you want a laugh? He thought you were the mole. 1716 01:39:23,571 --> 01:39:26,904 He was going to kill you. What an idiot. 1717 01:39:28,342 --> 01:39:31,869 "I'm not at all the person you and I took me for." 1718 01:39:31,912 --> 01:39:33,880 Hmm. Sounds like an epitaph. 1719 01:39:33,914 --> 01:39:36,144 Your handwriting, too. 1720 01:39:36,183 --> 01:39:38,708 You see, Chuck, I save everything. 1721 01:39:38,753 --> 01:39:41,313 All of your lovely notes. Mmm. 1722 01:39:41,355 --> 01:39:43,585 [ Labored breathing ] 1723 01:39:43,624 --> 01:39:45,489 You know what? 1724 01:39:46,994 --> 01:39:49,224 I like Carlyle best, too. 1725 01:39:49,263 --> 01:39:51,254 I really do. Yeah. 1726 01:39:51,299 --> 01:39:53,563 Say hi to the boys when you see 'em. 1727 01:39:59,740 --> 01:40:02,140 Ooh... 1728 01:40:02,176 --> 01:40:03,575 Oh... 1729 01:40:59,834 --> 01:41:01,802 To life. [ Clink ] 1730 01:41:06,907 --> 01:41:09,899 [ Piano concerto continues ] 1731 01:41:11,312 --> 01:41:14,281 [ No audio ] 1732 01:41:59,760 --> 01:42:03,218 BARRIS: My name is Charles Hirsch Barris. 1733 01:42:03,264 --> 01:42:05,459 I have written pop songs. 1734 01:42:05,499 --> 01:42:09,230 I have been a television producer. 1735 01:42:09,270 --> 01:42:12,728 I am responsible for polluting the air waves... 1736 01:42:12,773 --> 01:42:17,142 with mind-numbing, puerile entertainment. 1737 01:42:17,178 --> 01:42:21,740 In addition, I have murdered 33 human beings. 1738 01:42:43,270 --> 01:42:45,761 JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: We have come here today... 1739 01:42:45,806 --> 01:42:49,469 to join Penny Pacino and Chuck Barris... 1740 01:42:49,510 --> 01:42:51,444 in holy matrimony. 1741 01:42:51,479 --> 01:42:53,947 You all know Chuck Barris... 1742 01:42:53,981 --> 01:42:57,883 creator of "The Dating Game," "The Newlywed Game," 1743 01:42:57,918 --> 01:42:59,681 "The Family Game," 1744 01:42:59,720 --> 01:43:04,214 "The Game Game," "Dream Girl of 1968," 1745 01:43:04,258 --> 01:43:06,556 "Operation: Entertainment," 1746 01:43:06,594 --> 01:43:10,826 "How's Your Mother-in-law," and many others. 1747 01:43:10,865 --> 01:43:14,164 Chuck Barris, who most recently brought us such hits... 1748 01:43:14,201 --> 01:43:15,862 as "The Rah-Rah Show," 1749 01:43:15,903 --> 01:43:19,566 "The $1.98 Beauty Show," 1750 01:43:19,607 --> 01:43:21,939 "The Gong Show." 1751 01:43:21,976 --> 01:43:24,774 Oh! Chuck Barris... 1752 01:43:24,812 --> 01:43:27,645 who I'm sure will be back soon... 1753 01:43:27,681 --> 01:43:32,744 with even more shows that will stimulate and educate... 1754 01:43:32,786 --> 01:43:35,812 and keep us on the edge of our seats. 1755 01:43:35,856 --> 01:43:38,791 [ Bell tolls ] 1756 01:43:43,597 --> 01:43:45,360 [ Cheering ] 1757 01:44:08,055 --> 01:44:09,579 MAN: Whoo! 1758 01:44:09,623 --> 01:44:11,818 Congratulations! 1759 01:44:11,859 --> 01:44:12,883 Hey... 1760 01:44:12,927 --> 01:44:14,918 Oh, thanks, thanks. 1761 01:44:14,962 --> 01:44:16,190 Thanks. 1762 01:44:16,230 --> 01:44:21,429 [ Bell tolls ] 1763 01:44:21,468 --> 01:44:24,335 [ Tolling grows louder ] 1764 01:44:24,371 --> 01:44:27,363 [ No audio ] 1765 01:44:39,386 --> 01:44:41,616 Danny, drive now! 1766 01:44:41,655 --> 01:44:42,815 [ Wheels screech ] 1767 01:44:44,959 --> 01:44:46,119 PENNY: Bye! 1768 01:44:46,160 --> 01:44:48,185 Penny, there's something I gotta confess... 1769 01:44:48,228 --> 01:44:50,059 something I gotta tell ya. 1770 01:44:51,298 --> 01:44:53,926 Listen, Penny. You've known me for a long time-- 1771 01:44:53,968 --> 01:44:56,334 As the host of "The Dating Game," 1772 01:44:56,370 --> 01:44:58,463 "The Gong Show," "Rah-Rah Show"-- 1773 01:44:58,505 --> 01:45:00,439 Yeah, yeah, listen, listen, listen... 1774 01:45:00,474 --> 01:45:05,104 I work for the CIA. You understand? 1775 01:45:05,145 --> 01:45:07,045 And I kill people. 1776 01:45:07,081 --> 01:45:10,710 I killed-- I killed a lot of people. 1777 01:45:10,751 --> 01:45:13,117 You understand? 1778 01:45:13,153 --> 01:45:15,713 I killed a lot of people. 1779 01:45:19,093 --> 01:45:21,220 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 1780 01:45:33,273 --> 01:45:36,242 [ Both laughing ] 1781 01:45:43,751 --> 01:45:47,915 BARRIS: I came up with a new game show idea recently. 1782 01:45:47,955 --> 01:45:51,356 It's called "The Old Game." 1783 01:45:51,392 --> 01:45:56,489 You got three old guys with loaded guns on stage... 1784 01:45:56,530 --> 01:45:59,590 they look back at their lives... 1785 01:45:59,633 --> 01:46:04,400 see who they were, what they accomplished... 1786 01:46:04,438 --> 01:46:08,272 how close they came to realizing their dreams. 1787 01:46:11,945 --> 01:46:14,140 The winner... 1788 01:46:14,181 --> 01:46:18,709 is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. 1789 01:46:18,752 --> 01:46:22,051 He gets a refrigerator.