1 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,689 It's starting! Rainbow RandoIph! 2 00:00:40,056 --> 00:00:42,752 Welcome to The Rainbow RandoIph Show! 3 00:00:42,926 --> 00:00:46,259 Kidnet presents America's favorite kid-show host... 4 00:00:46,429 --> 00:00:50,422 ...the friendliest friend on earth, Rainbow Randolph! 5 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:53,500 Featuring Angelo Pike and the Krinkle Kids! 6 00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,831 Friends come in all sizes 7 00:00:56,106 --> 00:00:58,131 That's right, Rainbow. 8 00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:10,613 Friends come in all sizes That's a fact, it's true 9 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,983 All the colors of rainbow From mauve to blue 10 00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:16,215 Their names are different Their shoes don't match 11 00:01:16,392 --> 00:01:17,950 Some like to toss While others to catch 12 00:01:18,261 --> 00:01:21,753 One might say ''grasp'' While the other says ''snatch'' 13 00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:24,627 Because 14 00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:36,170 Friends come in all sizes Take it from me 15 00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:40,307 Golly gee, size never matters When you want some friendly patter 16 00:01:40,650 --> 00:01:43,175 From a pal who is true 17 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:46,822 And can lift you up when you're blue 18 00:01:47,657 --> 00:01:51,753 You can count on him He can count on you 19 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,395 It's true 20 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:03,328 Friends come in all sizes Friends come in all sizes 21 00:02:03,673 --> 00:02:05,004 Yes, they do 22 00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:09,476 You know what else comes in all sizes? Our products. 23 00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:13,514 They're there online for you at RainbowRandolph.com. 24 00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:16,345 Log on, it's not free. 25 00:02:42,879 --> 00:02:47,077 You'II Iet my boy dance up front? Gets to sit in the chair? 26 00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:50,478 You want your booger-eater on my show? 27 00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:53,053 -Of course. -Yes, very much. 28 00:02:53,456 --> 00:02:57,187 Then don't teII me how to run my fucking business. 29 00:02:57,393 --> 00:03:01,124 -We were just-- -I'II caII you if a spot opens up. 30 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,593 -Freeze! -Drop the briefcase! 31 00:03:04,801 --> 00:03:06,598 I never touched the money. 32 00:03:06,803 --> 00:03:08,703 FBI! You're under arrest. 33 00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:11,936 I'm Rainbow-fucking-RandoIph! Kids Iove me! 34 00:03:12,141 --> 00:03:15,599 You have the right to remain siIent. If you give up.... 35 00:03:15,812 --> 00:03:17,609 Corruption in Krinkleland? 36 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:22,843 Rainbow Randolph busted by feds in midtown Patsy's Bar. 37 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:46,966 May I express that I am as shocked and outraged by this as you. 38 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:51,341 Save it, Stokes! We got nervous sponsors and an angry pubIic. 39 00:03:51,547 --> 00:03:55,608 -What are you gonna do? -I've compiIed a Iist of repIacements-- 40 00:03:55,852 --> 00:03:58,946 CIean repIacements? With background checks? 41 00:03:59,188 --> 00:04:01,986 Christ! Where do you dig up these peopIe? 42 00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:06,161 I can assure you that this network cannot survive... 43 00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:08,261 ...another Rainbow RandoIph. 44 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,400 AbsoIuteIy. It is my mission to find a repIacement. 45 00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:16,538 A performer of character and honor. Most importantIy-- 46 00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:19,800 Squeaky-fucking-cIean! 47 00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:22,938 Squeaky cIean, sir. 48 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,272 -Buggy Ding Dong? -Heroin muIe. 49 00:04:25,481 --> 00:04:27,608 -Square Dance Danny? -Wife beater. 50 00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:31,014 -Princess Poppy? -Don't bust my baIIs. 51 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:35,647 -Skippy BIack and the TroIIs? -Deported. And the TroIIs.... 52 00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:40,955 Who gives a shit? This is impossibIe. I want to strangIe Rainbow RandoIph. 53 00:04:41,164 --> 00:04:44,156 Squeeze his neck untiI his eyes pop out! 54 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:47,530 Before fantasizing, Iet's save my ass. 55 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:48,894 Sorry, Frank. 56 00:04:49,138 --> 00:04:50,628 SheIdon Mopes? 57 00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:55,035 Have we sunk to that IeveI aIready? Smoochy? What a sap! 58 00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:58,179 Sap's just the piII we need. Get your feet off. 59 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,646 He's a guy in a suit. A foamy. Fabric stuffer. 60 00:05:01,851 --> 00:05:06,879 They aII are. MarginaI taIents, off-Broadway runoff-- 61 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:11,159 Last I heard, he's pIaying hospitaIs and nursing homes. 62 00:05:11,361 --> 00:05:13,659 -He's bottom rung. -This is the guy! 63 00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:18,357 We can do better than Mopes. He brings nothing to the tabIe. 64 00:05:18,601 --> 00:05:23,402 Except ethics. Never a whiff of controversy. He's a harmIess cornbaII. 65 00:05:23,606 --> 00:05:26,871 -Don't make me. -A bottIe of syrup with Iegs! 66 00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,340 -Frank! -Get me Smoochy! 67 00:05:36,686 --> 00:05:39,246 -Hello. -Hi. This is Nora WeIIs-- 68 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:44,291 Just kidding. It's a machine. Leave a message or catch an appearance. 69 00:05:44,527 --> 00:05:47,655 I'm opening the children's wing at the library. 70 00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:50,424 Or catch me at the methadone clinic. 71 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,792 Remember, you can't change the world... 72 00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:56,767 -...but you can make a dent. -You bet. 73 00:06:12,055 --> 00:06:14,580 Thanks a Iot, feIIas. Ladies, yeah. 74 00:06:14,757 --> 00:06:18,716 Looking at the faces, I think it's time to wrap things up. 75 00:06:18,928 --> 00:06:22,489 I'II cIose with a ditty. You may recognize the tune. 76 00:06:22,732 --> 00:06:27,999 I took some Iiberties with the Iyrics. If you figure out the chorus, join in. 77 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:36,039 We'll get you off that smack Yes, we will 78 00:06:36,212 --> 00:06:39,272 We'll get you off that smack Yes, we will 79 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:44,776 We'll get you off that smack We'll kick that monkey off your back 80 00:06:45,021 --> 00:06:47,819 And get your life on track Yes, we will 81 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,428 It's important to get started now, though. You know why? 82 00:06:56,666 --> 00:07:01,000 Cause the smack can lead to crack Yes, it can 83 00:07:01,204 --> 00:07:04,196 CarI, you know what I'm taIking about. 84 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,135 Sing it with me now. 85 00:07:06,809 --> 00:07:09,937 Giving up that smack Yes, we are 86 00:07:12,315 --> 00:07:13,680 Take it easy. 87 00:07:13,883 --> 00:07:15,817 Mr. Mopes? 88 00:07:16,452 --> 00:07:19,853 I saw your performance. It was very spirited. 89 00:07:20,056 --> 00:07:22,024 Thank you very much. 90 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:25,126 Sometimes I do a Ionger set, but... 91 00:07:25,294 --> 00:07:29,788 ...once the evening meds kick in, it's pretty much sIeepytime. 92 00:07:29,999 --> 00:07:31,796 Tough to get a sing-aIong. 93 00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:36,701 At Ieast you know the smack's knocking them out and not your singing. 94 00:07:36,906 --> 00:07:38,305 God, I hope so. 95 00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:40,675 Can we taIk for a minute? 96 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:46,576 I'm happy to do this, but we have trained counseIors who can heIp you. 97 00:07:46,782 --> 00:07:48,841 You came on the H train? 98 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,544 -Riding the horse? On the juice? -No. 99 00:07:52,755 --> 00:07:54,985 It's sweet of you to assume so. 100 00:07:55,191 --> 00:07:59,787 I'm Nora WeIIs. I'm V.P. of deveIopment for Kidnet. 101 00:07:59,996 --> 00:08:01,964 -You work for Kidnet?! -Yeah. 102 00:08:02,365 --> 00:08:04,959 -Are you serious? -Yeah... 103 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:07,568 ...as a heart attack. 104 00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:12,434 I'm gIad I didn't know you were here. That might have thrown me off. 105 00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:17,337 I was born November 11, 1970. You know what eIse happened that day? 106 00:08:17,547 --> 00:08:19,344 The first Sesame Street. 107 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:23,780 You wouIdn't beIieve what it took to get soy dogs here. 108 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:28,116 HeIIo? PeopIe, wake up and smeII the future. 109 00:08:28,324 --> 00:08:33,557 Organic, twice the protein and nobody gets kiIIed. 110 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:37,524 I'm gonna get you on these gIuten-free buns. 111 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,827 -We wiII change the worId! -AII right, SheIdon. 112 00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:44,438 Like I was saying, my friends are aIways saying: 113 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:49,544 ''As taIented as you are, if you don't Iearn to seII yourseIf a IittIe... 114 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:54,807 ...you'II aIways be pIaying to a very appreciative, but Iimited audience.'' 115 00:08:55,017 --> 00:08:57,076 SpiruIina with aImond butter? 116 00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:00,221 -Sure you don't wanna try? -No. 117 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:03,254 This is chiIdren's entertainment. 118 00:09:03,426 --> 00:09:06,122 It's about doing good work. 119 00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:07,757 Having integrity. 120 00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:12,200 A good show, with the foundation of a positive message. 121 00:09:12,401 --> 00:09:17,134 You can't buiId a foundation with pIaster of Paris. You use concrete. 122 00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:20,605 That is concrete, sister. That is integrity! 123 00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:22,304 I can see that. 124 00:09:26,716 --> 00:09:28,581 -Sorry. -Listen, Mr. Mopes. 125 00:09:29,752 --> 00:09:31,276 The reason I'm here.... 126 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:35,217 Kidnet is currentIy Iooking for a performer... 127 00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:38,258 ...with convictions and integrity. 128 00:09:38,427 --> 00:09:40,554 Somebody Iike yourseIf. 129 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,424 HoId the phone. 130 00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:47,934 Kidnet is finaIIy ready to pursue a show of Smoochy caIiber? 131 00:09:48,137 --> 00:09:50,697 I mean, to commit to Smoochy quaIity? 132 00:09:50,973 --> 00:09:55,034 Yes, I beIieve we're ready to push ourseIves to that IeveI. 133 00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:03,816 I knew it! 134 00:10:05,154 --> 00:10:08,612 I knew it. I knew if I waited Iong enough... 135 00:10:08,791 --> 00:10:11,817 ...I knew somebody wouId come aIong one day... 136 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,464 ...who took a Iook at me and understood what I do. 137 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:17,360 That's you. You get me. 138 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,893 I'm afraid so. 139 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:24,199 WeII, Nora WeIIs, Miss V.P. of DeveIopment... 140 00:10:24,407 --> 00:10:27,171 ...Iet's you and me go make history! 141 00:11:11,153 --> 00:11:12,586 I Iike it. 142 00:11:25,534 --> 00:11:28,833 Get your $50 bump for working in smoke this week. 143 00:11:29,038 --> 00:11:30,198 Hey, AngeIo. 144 00:11:30,373 --> 00:11:33,865 I was a big fan of your work with the KrinkIe Kids. 145 00:11:34,076 --> 00:11:37,204 I appreciate you coming over to be a Rhinette. 146 00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:38,711 A job's a job. 147 00:11:39,181 --> 00:11:40,739 See you out there. 148 00:11:51,527 --> 00:11:53,392 Where can you go when skies turn gray 149 00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:55,723 Where the sun always shines And the animals play 150 00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:59,594 Where every day is a happy day Well, Smoochy's here to show the way 151 00:12:05,107 --> 00:12:07,268 Smoochy's Magic Jungle 152 00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:11,311 It's a happy, it's a happy Happy, happy place 153 00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:21,413 Hip, hip, hip, hooray! 154 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:36,263 I thought you weren't coming. You'd forgotten. 155 00:12:36,472 --> 00:12:39,669 Agreed to meet you. I had a dinner engagement. 156 00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:44,539 ReaIIy? I used to have dinner engagements. Four or five a night. 157 00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:46,447 Don't do this, Randy. 158 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:54,412 I'd go to a restaurant, 10 guys reached for my hat. 159 00:12:54,623 --> 00:12:59,083 I'd go to take a piss, they'd cIear the restroom. You know why? 160 00:12:59,728 --> 00:13:03,027 I'm Rainbow-fucking-RandoIph, that's why! 161 00:13:03,466 --> 00:13:04,626 You through? 162 00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:10,165 What? You got things to do? You don't have time for me? 163 00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:15,173 The guy who earned for you? Put the Armani surpIus suits on your back? 164 00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:18,005 The coq au vin in your BrookIyn mouth. 165 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,843 We heIped each other. TiII someone messed up.... 166 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:26,044 Who couId that be? Right, it was Rainbow-fucking-RandoIph! 167 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,520 For what? Ass-wipe money. 168 00:13:29,692 --> 00:13:33,128 You gotta fix this. I want my oId time sIot back. 169 00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:38,164 I can't sit and watch that one-horn carpetbagger get my time sIot. 170 00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:41,096 He gets a free ride on my dime. 171 00:13:41,303 --> 00:13:43,100 Come on. We got a history. 172 00:13:43,339 --> 00:13:46,797 There's nothing I can do for you. You're a pariah. 173 00:13:47,142 --> 00:13:50,600 -I can't even be seen with you. -Don't do this to me. 174 00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:53,281 I'm going down for the Iast time. 175 00:13:53,482 --> 00:13:56,781 They kicked me out of the penthouse. I'm homeIess. 176 00:13:56,986 --> 00:13:59,250 Put yourseIf in my Capezios. 177 00:13:59,455 --> 00:14:02,618 The truth is, your shoes have become my shoes. 178 00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:07,455 As Iong as he's on, everything's by the book. No percentage, no skim. 179 00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:10,894 Network wanted squeaky cIean and they got it. 180 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,660 Mopes is sparkIing. 181 00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:17,472 PIease? 182 00:14:18,307 --> 00:14:19,899 You got nothing Ieft? 183 00:14:20,976 --> 00:14:24,639 ExactIy. That's what I've been trying to teII you. 184 00:14:32,154 --> 00:14:33,621 What's this? 185 00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:37,519 A Rain Forest Benefit freebie bag. DisposabIe camera... 186 00:14:37,726 --> 00:14:39,387 ...KahIúa fIavored peanuts... 187 00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:43,164 ...hand Iotions, no animaI-tested.... 188 00:14:43,999 --> 00:14:46,900 Don't ever contact me again, Randy. 189 00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:50,269 Get out of the car. 190 00:14:53,242 --> 00:14:56,302 You know what to do with the Iotion, jerk-off. 191 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,782 You'II get yours! 192 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,742 The rhino too! 193 00:15:03,252 --> 00:15:05,743 WheeIs are turning! 194 00:15:09,858 --> 00:15:13,954 Even a guy who's squeaky cIean faIIs into the mud. 195 00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:21,094 Smoochy and Rhinette doIIs wouId be soId separateIy. 196 00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:23,998 These are prototypes. I've been assured... 197 00:15:24,239 --> 00:15:27,208 ...that aII the bugs wiII be worked out. 198 00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:28,535 Let's recap. 199 00:15:28,744 --> 00:15:32,077 Yes to the Smoochy ice cream, the string cheese... 200 00:15:32,281 --> 00:15:36,809 ...the coIa. We're in a dick-measuring contest over the shampoo. 201 00:15:37,052 --> 00:15:40,510 Time out, peopIe. Let's hoId the phone a second. 202 00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:45,556 If I might interject. We need to re-examine our principIes. 203 00:15:46,895 --> 00:15:51,923 We are stiII trying-- Smoochy is stiII trying to earn these kids' trust. 204 00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:56,503 We won't do that by seIIing string cheese and shampoo and coIa... 205 00:15:56,672 --> 00:16:00,369 ...which contains no Iess than two addictive substances. 206 00:16:01,076 --> 00:16:05,206 We need to focus on putting together the best show possibIe. 207 00:16:05,414 --> 00:16:09,407 DeIiver a positive message, without beIIs and whistIes. 208 00:16:09,618 --> 00:16:13,987 Can I get an amen, somebody? Are you with me on this, team? 209 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,627 Damn. 210 00:16:21,497 --> 00:16:23,089 I got that. 211 00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:25,797 Shut the door, pIease. 212 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:30,495 Now Iock it. Thanks. 213 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:34,835 We're deciding if Smoochy-O's are frosted or fruit-fIavored. 214 00:16:35,044 --> 00:16:37,239 If anybody has a strong feeIing.... 215 00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:39,913 Our survey shows a dead heat. 216 00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,709 Frosted for oId and fruity for young. 217 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,909 Have them both. Good. 218 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,283 -I Iike frosted. I Iike sweeter. -Me too. 219 00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:52,119 As a kid I ate frosted. Let's go the oId-fashioned way.... 220 00:16:53,128 --> 00:16:55,562 I want to teII you honestIy, I feIt.... 221 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,857 Hey! Nora! Wait up. 222 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:04,065 I thought that was a good meeting today. We tackIed some hot issues. 223 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,572 I feIt once or twice my voice wasn't being heard. 224 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,903 That's a conservative estimate. 225 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:13,206 I want the show to have weight. Substance. 226 00:17:13,415 --> 00:17:16,680 SiIIy songs, absoIuteIy, but with a message. 227 00:17:16,885 --> 00:17:21,015 Guess how many compositions I have in the Smoochy songbook. 228 00:17:21,223 --> 00:17:23,987 -Do you sense my Iack of interest? -Over 300... 229 00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:28,653 ...on subjects from vegetabIes to the importance of donating pIasma. 230 00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:31,424 I'm a vaIuabIe resource, Nora. Use me-- 231 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:35,626 Okay, stop taIking. I'm gonna make this reaI easy for you. 232 00:17:35,838 --> 00:17:41,071 The onIy reason you're on TV is because Rainbow RandoIph is a scumbag. 233 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:45,478 I didn't discover you. I deIivered you, Iike groceries. 234 00:17:45,681 --> 00:17:48,912 I got more emotionaI investment in my naiI poIish. 235 00:17:49,118 --> 00:17:51,279 So don't peddIe your sap to me. 236 00:17:51,754 --> 00:17:54,689 Your job is to smiIe and nod your head. 237 00:18:12,741 --> 00:18:17,474 Look. I'm not IiteraIIy comparing Captain Kangaroo to Jesus Christ. 238 00:18:17,913 --> 00:18:20,643 I'm saying that the Captain, Iike Christ... 239 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:24,285 ...was someone you couId reaIIy beIieve in. 240 00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:26,879 With those guys... 241 00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:31,958 ...it wasn't about the beIIs and whistIes, it was aII about the work. 242 00:18:32,294 --> 00:18:35,991 EspeciaIIy Jesus. I mean, forget about it. 243 00:18:36,632 --> 00:18:39,999 I never saw anybody get buzzed on orange juice. 244 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:44,104 I'II teII you a secret: Pop a IittIe Iiquid aIfaIfa in it... 245 00:18:44,306 --> 00:18:45,864 ...it's bIastoff time. 246 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,139 Let me have a Five Crown. 247 00:18:52,181 --> 00:18:54,672 -Hey. -Smoochy the Rhino. 248 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,042 That's me. 249 00:18:56,251 --> 00:18:57,775 I'm a big fan. 250 00:18:59,188 --> 00:19:03,318 That's the first time anybody recognized me out of the suit. 251 00:19:03,692 --> 00:19:06,422 Burke Bennett. Kid-show taIent agent. 252 00:19:06,628 --> 00:19:09,188 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 253 00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:12,865 Network goons are Iike that. Stokes tried to screw him... 254 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:17,027 ...out of merchandising points. CIaimed he had a warehouse fuII... 255 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,538 ...of Dicky DoIIs that weren't moving. We're friends for years. 256 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:23,540 I say to him, ''Show me the warehouse.'' 257 00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:27,738 I waIk out of there with a check for 100 grand... 258 00:19:27,950 --> 00:19:30,817 ...Stokes is sitting with his thumb up his ass. 259 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:37,583 That's a great story, but the thing is, with me, I don't care about that stuff. 260 00:19:37,793 --> 00:19:42,093 I don't care about Smoochy doIIs, chocoIate, fIoor wax. 261 00:19:42,297 --> 00:19:46,028 I care about getting creative input on my own show. 262 00:19:46,235 --> 00:19:49,762 You know, this rhino came from my womb. Okay? 263 00:19:49,972 --> 00:19:51,940 I birthed him. I nursed him. 264 00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:55,371 Damn it, I ought to be the one who raises him. 265 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:59,907 It's aII about the dough. Once you get money, you get power. 266 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:03,380 Once you get power, you can have Smoochy waIk out... 267 00:20:03,585 --> 00:20:06,110 ...with a diIdo strapped to his head. 268 00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:11,990 I haven't thought of that idea. I do see where you're going with this. 269 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:15,095 When you wanna taIk, I'II cut the strings. 270 00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:18,194 I'II open the magic door for you. 271 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:26,130 WeII, how do you Iike that? 272 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:31,101 I Iaid the groundwork. He's a bank with a horn. 273 00:20:31,346 --> 00:20:34,509 You'll make more with him than 20 Randolphs. 274 00:20:34,716 --> 00:20:36,684 Important to the Parade of Hope. 275 00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:39,683 It's in the bag. We might have to massage him. 276 00:20:39,955 --> 00:20:43,721 Don't make me Iose my smiIe, Burkey-Boy. 277 00:20:49,898 --> 00:20:55,097 A speciaI batch of cookies for a very speciaI rhino. 278 00:20:55,637 --> 00:20:57,901 How thoughtfuI of me. 279 00:20:58,473 --> 00:21:00,236 They're beautifuI. 280 00:21:00,442 --> 00:21:06,347 You're going to Iearn about shame, my dear Smoochy, and I'm your professor. 281 00:21:13,889 --> 00:21:17,620 Can we taIk? Why was the ''PIease and Thank You Song'' cut? 282 00:21:17,826 --> 00:21:20,294 It takes away from the ''Cookie Song.'' 283 00:21:20,495 --> 00:21:24,124 The ''Cookie Song'' is meaningIess fIuff without it. 284 00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:26,801 That's the Iesson. The moraI anchor. 285 00:21:27,069 --> 00:21:30,300 It's cut. And I want the cookie Iyrics changed back. 286 00:21:30,505 --> 00:21:33,497 I won't encourage kids to eat a Iot of sugar. 287 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,734 I have to Iike myseIf. 288 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:40,504 This is not a sprout farm. You're here to seII sugar and pIastic. 289 00:21:40,916 --> 00:21:43,885 Do you hear yourseIf? I won't do it. 290 00:21:44,286 --> 00:21:47,084 Does that say ''Nora's Magic JungIe''? No. 291 00:21:47,289 --> 00:21:49,018 I'm not your puppet. 292 00:21:49,358 --> 00:21:54,557 Since when? Get your spongy pink ass out there and dance for the cameras. 293 00:22:00,969 --> 00:22:02,698 This is a kid show. 294 00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:06,032 Those are chiIdren I'm singing to out there. 295 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:11,235 You don't even see chiIdren anymore. You just see waIIets with pigtaiIs. 296 00:22:36,571 --> 00:22:38,801 Bonsoir, le Smoochy. 297 00:22:39,007 --> 00:22:42,238 WeIcome to Fatty ArbuckIe-Iand. 298 00:22:53,555 --> 00:22:58,720 Don't worry, IittIe ones. Rainbow RandoIph wiII return. 299 00:23:11,706 --> 00:23:12,764 AII right! 300 00:23:13,208 --> 00:23:18,168 I'II teII you something. That jiggy-ing and ziggy-ing makes me hungry. 301 00:23:18,380 --> 00:23:20,780 When I'm hungry, what time is it? 302 00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:24,076 Magic Cookie Time! 303 00:23:24,686 --> 00:23:28,019 -What? -Magic Cookie Time! 304 00:23:28,623 --> 00:23:32,320 That's right! Everybody in the middIe! 305 00:23:32,527 --> 00:23:34,427 Get in the middIe! 306 00:23:37,432 --> 00:23:40,526 AngeIo, hit me! 307 00:24:20,442 --> 00:24:22,672 Give them a cookie. 308 00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:28,876 Lookie, lookie, lookie Here comes the cookie 309 00:24:29,117 --> 00:24:31,017 Fresh and organic 310 00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,710 -No need to panic -He didn't change it. 311 00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:38,924 Straight from the soil No tropical oil 312 00:24:39,261 --> 00:24:43,493 Sweetened with juice For an energy boost 313 00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,525 Whatever, fucking peasant. 314 00:24:49,137 --> 00:24:51,935 -Who wants the first cookie? -Me! 315 00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:54,836 Let's see what we got today! 316 00:24:55,143 --> 00:24:56,735 Give them a cookie. 317 00:25:17,132 --> 00:25:18,121 My! 318 00:25:21,002 --> 00:25:22,993 It's a.... 319 00:25:24,072 --> 00:25:26,006 It's a.... 320 00:25:30,645 --> 00:25:31,976 A rocket ship! 321 00:25:32,514 --> 00:25:36,883 It's a rocket ship to fIy us to JungIe Land! Here we go! 322 00:25:37,085 --> 00:25:38,109 Fuck! 323 00:25:38,486 --> 00:25:40,317 FoIIow me! 324 00:25:40,522 --> 00:25:44,390 We're fIying over the trees on our magic rocket. 325 00:25:44,593 --> 00:25:45,958 What a speciaI day! 326 00:25:46,428 --> 00:25:49,090 -SpeciaI cookies. -Are you bIind? 327 00:25:49,764 --> 00:25:53,291 -It's a cock! It's not a rocket! -What is this? 328 00:25:53,501 --> 00:25:56,993 -RandoIph! Get him out! -Look. It's a cock and baIIs! 329 00:25:57,205 --> 00:25:59,730 It's a dick! Chorizo and the huevos! 330 00:25:59,941 --> 00:26:01,602 It's a big stiffy! 331 00:26:02,344 --> 00:26:03,606 It's a penis! 332 00:26:04,012 --> 00:26:07,345 Penis maximus! A wiIIie! Mr. JiggIe Daddy! 333 00:26:07,549 --> 00:26:09,176 Get him out of here! 334 00:26:09,384 --> 00:26:11,682 The one-eyed wonder weaseI! 335 00:26:11,953 --> 00:26:14,888 It's Jimmy and the twins. RumpIe Foreskin. 336 00:26:15,090 --> 00:26:18,218 He made this. It's made from diI-dough. 337 00:26:18,426 --> 00:26:19,688 Wave bye-bye! 338 00:26:20,362 --> 00:26:21,954 Thanks for visiting! 339 00:26:23,431 --> 00:26:25,262 Let go of me! 340 00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:29,167 I'm Rainbow-fucking-RandoIph. I know the way-- 341 00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:50,549 I want to thank you aII for having this sit-down. 342 00:26:50,759 --> 00:26:55,628 We have wrinkIes in the communication and coIIaboration departments. 343 00:26:55,830 --> 00:27:00,494 I'm not pointing fingers. You start pointing and someone gets poked. 344 00:27:00,702 --> 00:27:04,604 It's not my intention to try and poke... 345 00:27:04,806 --> 00:27:06,330 ...either of you. 346 00:27:08,610 --> 00:27:12,171 Anyhoo, this is my new agent, Burke Bennett. 347 00:27:12,380 --> 00:27:15,907 He has experience faciIitating in these situations. 348 00:27:16,117 --> 00:27:19,416 I think he'II heIp us through this moment together. 349 00:27:19,621 --> 00:27:21,589 Here's Burke! 350 00:27:22,290 --> 00:27:24,224 Thank you, SheIdon. 351 00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:27,528 Frank, you see this guy? Take a good Iook. 352 00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:30,425 Because this guy saved your ass. 353 00:27:30,632 --> 00:27:33,430 Without him, you'd be sitting in KapIan's... 354 00:27:33,635 --> 00:27:36,126 ...sucking cIub soda through a paper straw... 355 00:27:36,338 --> 00:27:41,241 ...whiIe your tabIe at 21 was occupied by the new Marion Frank Stokes... 356 00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:43,400 ...and his twat du jour. 357 00:27:43,611 --> 00:27:45,602 -Excuse me. -No excuse for you. 358 00:27:45,814 --> 00:27:48,908 We've aIways made arrangements. Why the fireworks? 359 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:53,346 I'm hoIding the gunpowder. I represent the man who created... 360 00:27:53,555 --> 00:27:56,956 ...owns and controIs every inch of Smoochy the Rhino. 361 00:27:57,158 --> 00:27:58,785 You seem to forget... 362 00:27:58,993 --> 00:28:03,020 ...we found this guy, dug up his corpse, handed him a show... 363 00:28:03,231 --> 00:28:05,426 ...when he couIdn't seII his face. 364 00:28:05,633 --> 00:28:09,069 No, a Iot of peopIe went out for that cIinic gig. 365 00:28:09,270 --> 00:28:12,205 -They hired me.... -Let me untangIe this web. 366 00:28:12,741 --> 00:28:16,040 I don't care if his Iast job was juggIing appIes... 367 00:28:16,244 --> 00:28:18,178 ...for Pygmies in the Congo. 368 00:28:18,380 --> 00:28:21,907 This man fits the biII and you need him. 369 00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:24,748 He'II get what he deserves. 370 00:28:25,053 --> 00:28:27,886 And what wouId that be, exactIy? 371 00:28:28,857 --> 00:28:32,918 To the star and new executive producer of The Smoochy Show. 372 00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,028 I'm stiII in shock. 373 00:28:35,897 --> 00:28:40,561 Run me through this again. I have compIete creative controI. 374 00:28:40,769 --> 00:28:44,330 Veto power over merchandising. Corporate penthouse. 375 00:28:44,539 --> 00:28:46,029 Cushy. 376 00:28:46,241 --> 00:28:48,505 I must be dreaming. 377 00:28:48,710 --> 00:28:51,770 Think of it as the high Iife. Get used to it. 378 00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:57,145 You'II be pissing on $100 biIIs just to see the Iook on FrankIin's face. 379 00:28:57,786 --> 00:29:01,916 I couIdn't. I have too much respect for what he accompIished. 380 00:29:03,691 --> 00:29:06,285 Yeah, he's a good man. 381 00:29:06,761 --> 00:29:08,820 -What's this? -Keep it down. 382 00:29:09,397 --> 00:29:12,696 -What did you do, you snake? -A graduation present. 383 00:29:15,637 --> 00:29:18,538 Think of it as a tooI of the trade. 384 00:29:19,641 --> 00:29:21,768 -I can't accept this. -No? 385 00:29:22,477 --> 00:29:25,674 -I don't beIieve in guns. -ReaIIy? 386 00:29:26,314 --> 00:29:30,774 When we'd pIay cowboys and Indians as kids, I was a Chinese raiI worker. 387 00:29:31,119 --> 00:29:35,385 Trust me, it's a handy accessory to have in this business. 388 00:29:35,690 --> 00:29:37,624 Let me get that for you. 389 00:29:37,826 --> 00:29:39,418 Oh, boy. 390 00:29:39,627 --> 00:29:42,562 When this guy comes over, don't taIk to him... 391 00:29:42,764 --> 00:29:45,255 ...or he'II stay here yakking aII night. 392 00:29:45,467 --> 00:29:46,559 Love that one. 393 00:29:46,768 --> 00:29:50,204 -Is that Spinner Dunn, the boxer? -Fried beans. 394 00:29:50,405 --> 00:29:54,535 You don't retire with an 81 -and-59 record and end up governor. 395 00:29:54,742 --> 00:29:57,973 He's gotta be smart to run a pIace Iike this. 396 00:29:58,146 --> 00:30:00,910 Spinner? He couIdn't run a water faucet. 397 00:30:01,115 --> 00:30:05,245 He's a mascot. It's his cousin, Tommy Cotter. Heavy hitter. 398 00:30:05,453 --> 00:30:09,253 Her and her boys, they run the joint. Irish mob. 399 00:30:09,524 --> 00:30:11,185 How do you Iike that? 400 00:30:11,826 --> 00:30:14,090 Strawberries and.... 401 00:30:17,198 --> 00:30:18,927 Here he comes. 402 00:30:22,103 --> 00:30:24,936 Smoochy! Hey, I'm Spinner! 403 00:30:25,940 --> 00:30:30,434 -I'm so excited to meet you! -I'm excited to meet you too, Spinner. 404 00:30:31,112 --> 00:30:33,080 -I'm Spinner. -Right. 405 00:30:34,883 --> 00:30:38,717 -You're a fan of the show. -Smoochy, you know what I Iove? 406 00:30:39,053 --> 00:30:43,922 I Iove when you do the Jiggy Ziggy dance, you know? 407 00:30:44,125 --> 00:30:46,525 The one you do during SiIIy Time? 408 00:30:46,728 --> 00:30:49,094 That's one of our big numbers. 409 00:30:51,566 --> 00:30:53,431 You wanna see me do it? 410 00:30:53,635 --> 00:30:56,866 -See you do the Jiggy Ziggy? -Yeah! 411 00:30:57,071 --> 00:30:58,299 Sometime. 412 00:30:58,506 --> 00:31:00,269 I'II do it for you here. 413 00:31:00,475 --> 00:31:03,603 Smoochy, I'II do it, watch. 414 00:31:10,285 --> 00:31:11,946 -Excuse me, senator. -Sure. 415 00:31:12,587 --> 00:31:15,454 -I Iove you so much. -I Iove you too. 416 00:31:16,858 --> 00:31:18,450 -I'm Spinner. -Right. 417 00:31:18,893 --> 00:31:22,329 Hey, Spinner. Come here and meet the senator. 418 00:31:24,332 --> 00:31:26,800 You go ahead. It was a reaI honor. 419 00:31:27,001 --> 00:31:30,164 -Smoochy's here! -That's nice for you. 420 00:31:31,573 --> 00:31:34,633 Wait tiII I teII my foIks I met Spinner Dunn. 421 00:31:34,842 --> 00:31:37,777 -The one and onIy. -Seems Iike a sweet guy. 422 00:31:38,613 --> 00:31:43,573 Don't go anywhere, Smoochy. I'II be right back after I take a dump. 423 00:31:44,419 --> 00:31:47,115 I think you made a new friend, kid. 424 00:31:48,723 --> 00:31:53,956 Since RandoIph got pinched, there's air in the pipes. How are you fixing it? 425 00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:58,895 The rhino's stiII a IittIe green. EventuaIIy, he'II come around. 426 00:31:59,100 --> 00:32:02,001 He has to get a taste of how we do things. 427 00:32:02,203 --> 00:32:06,435 I have no time for ''eventuaIIy.'' EventuaIIy, we get oId and die. 428 00:32:06,641 --> 00:32:09,075 Sometimes ''oId'' doesn't happen. 429 00:32:09,277 --> 00:32:12,769 I'm doing my best. The network is watching cIoseIy. 430 00:32:12,981 --> 00:32:14,778 You got a probIem, son. 431 00:32:15,083 --> 00:32:18,644 The rhino better Iearn to pIay baII, and soon. 432 00:32:18,886 --> 00:32:22,720 Otherwise, he might need a IittIe coaching. 433 00:32:23,891 --> 00:32:28,658 Wipe your forehead, Frank. You got pIenty of time to sweat. 434 00:32:42,877 --> 00:32:46,108 -Who is it? -Open up, baby, it's RandoIph. 435 00:32:46,314 --> 00:32:48,305 It's been a Iong time. 436 00:32:52,987 --> 00:32:55,353 -Randy? -Angie. Fucking traitor! 437 00:32:55,757 --> 00:32:59,284 -You Ieft me for the rhino! -I gotta eat, don't I? 438 00:32:59,494 --> 00:33:04,090 You strapped that horn on pretty fast! You're a KrinkIe Kid, say it! 439 00:33:04,298 --> 00:33:07,461 -Rhinette. -Say it. ''I am a KrinkIe Kid.'' 440 00:33:07,669 --> 00:33:11,105 Say it before God and aII the bones of the saints! 441 00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:13,973 I'm a Rhinette, got that?! 442 00:33:14,175 --> 00:33:18,202 The KrinkIe Kids are 10 feet under. With you. 443 00:33:19,013 --> 00:33:21,038 I missed you so much! 444 00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:25,709 Can I stay here? I got no pIace eIse to go. 445 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:32,052 They kicked me out of the penthouse. Sons of bitches. 446 00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,818 That's how I got this. 447 00:33:34,028 --> 00:33:38,522 I got Iiens, back taxes, Iawyers' biIIs, threats against my Iife. 448 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,031 I got the whoIe worId up my fucking ass! 449 00:33:42,637 --> 00:33:46,698 Don't you worry. I got a Iong memory, baby. 450 00:33:46,908 --> 00:33:52,642 Because what they sow, they going to reap, Angie! 451 00:33:58,086 --> 00:34:01,544 Stop doing this. Don't piss your Iife away. 452 00:34:01,756 --> 00:34:04,782 But it's the rhino, Angie. 453 00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:08,729 The deviI sent him from heII to destroy me. 454 00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:13,457 Smoochy is the face of eviI. 455 00:34:35,790 --> 00:34:37,724 CongratuIations, SheIdon. 456 00:34:37,925 --> 00:34:40,951 -CongratuIations, Mr. Mopes. -Thanks a Iot. 457 00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:44,723 Mr. Mopes, Iet me get that for you. 458 00:34:44,966 --> 00:34:49,096 Your office is over here. If you need anything, Iet me know. 459 00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:52,272 No, I gotta work tonight. I can't. 460 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:53,997 I'II come Sunday. 461 00:34:54,208 --> 00:34:55,573 Okay. That's-- 462 00:34:56,310 --> 00:34:59,211 I want to taIk to you for a IittIe bit. 463 00:34:59,413 --> 00:35:03,213 Ma, can I caII you back? Some asshoIe's screaming at me. 464 00:35:03,384 --> 00:35:04,578 Thanks. Bye. 465 00:35:04,952 --> 00:35:07,716 -Yeah? -You didn't have to get off. 466 00:35:07,889 --> 00:35:10,824 -If I didn't, you'd stiII be here. -I am. 467 00:35:11,492 --> 00:35:13,392 I'm hoping to correct that. 468 00:35:14,695 --> 00:35:16,629 Listen, Nora. 469 00:35:17,131 --> 00:35:21,124 I can understand it might feeI a IittIe awkward for you... 470 00:35:21,335 --> 00:35:24,998 ...maybe intimidating, now that the power has changed. 471 00:35:25,206 --> 00:35:29,370 I stiII vaIue your input. And I consider you a partner. 472 00:35:29,577 --> 00:35:34,571 Never. Even if I Iive to be 1000 and see the second coming of Christ. 473 00:35:34,782 --> 00:35:38,741 I know we're not partners yet. Let's make a game pIan. 474 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:43,554 Let's penciI in a few Iunch dates, or go on a retreat! 475 00:35:43,758 --> 00:35:45,589 Just you and me, aIone. 476 00:35:45,793 --> 00:35:48,227 Chewing the fat, exchanging ideas. 477 00:35:48,429 --> 00:35:51,227 Let's pIant the seeds of a coIIaboration. 478 00:35:51,432 --> 00:35:52,524 PIant this! 479 00:35:55,236 --> 00:35:56,794 You know, Nora... 480 00:35:57,138 --> 00:35:59,868 ...has anyone ever suggested to you that yoga... 481 00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:02,702 ...maybe a high coIonic, couId Ioosen you up? 482 00:36:02,910 --> 00:36:05,174 -Get out, hippie! -You get out! 483 00:36:05,379 --> 00:36:06,573 You get out! 484 00:36:06,781 --> 00:36:11,343 You don't get to teII this boy what to do anymore, you uptight.... 485 00:36:15,857 --> 00:36:17,484 I'm gonna haIt here. 486 00:36:17,692 --> 00:36:22,994 HALTis a seIf-recognition technique. Hungry, angry, IoneIy, tired. 487 00:36:23,197 --> 00:36:26,257 I won't get sucked into your negative energy. 488 00:36:26,467 --> 00:36:30,597 Want me? I'II be in my office. It's the big one. With a view. 489 00:36:30,805 --> 00:36:34,764 -They aII have views, dumbshit! -Not Iooking this way! 490 00:36:34,942 --> 00:36:36,239 Don't shut my door! 491 00:36:41,949 --> 00:36:44,008 Hey.... 492 00:36:45,353 --> 00:36:48,550 ''Have a Iong and heaIthy run. Burke.'' 493 00:36:48,756 --> 00:36:50,917 My own patch of wheat grass. 494 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:53,559 Morning! Congrats on the bump. 495 00:36:54,128 --> 00:36:56,756 Spinner has taken a reaI shine to you. 496 00:36:56,964 --> 00:37:01,333 Since you come in, he can't stop yakking, ''Smoochy this, Smoochy that.'' 497 00:37:01,535 --> 00:37:05,266 That's nice. I Iike Spinner. He's very sweet for such a... 498 00:37:06,741 --> 00:37:08,003 ...big feIIa. 499 00:37:09,443 --> 00:37:13,539 -Can you give him a IittIe fIoor space? -FIoor space? 500 00:37:13,748 --> 00:37:17,240 A part on the show. You're the executive producer. 501 00:37:17,451 --> 00:37:19,715 You caII the shots, right? 502 00:37:20,321 --> 00:37:22,186 Yes. Yes, I do. 503 00:37:22,390 --> 00:37:26,224 The thing is, teIevision is a very compIicated medium. 504 00:37:26,427 --> 00:37:30,523 Not just anybody can be a success at it. I Iike Spinner. 505 00:37:30,731 --> 00:37:36,601 But his chances on teIevision are as good as mine in the ring with him. 506 00:37:36,804 --> 00:37:39,364 Know what I'm saying? It'd be painfuI. 507 00:37:39,573 --> 00:37:41,370 This makes me very sad. 508 00:37:41,575 --> 00:37:43,702 -What's wrong? -Nothing. I'm just... 509 00:37:43,911 --> 00:37:45,845 ...very sad right now. 510 00:37:46,047 --> 00:37:48,379 Who made you sad, Tommy? 511 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:51,379 I don't Iike to mention names. 512 00:37:55,022 --> 00:37:57,286 Say, feIIas, I just remembered. 513 00:37:57,491 --> 00:38:00,927 We got a part Spinner wouId be perfect for. 514 00:38:01,128 --> 00:38:02,652 That's the soIution. 515 00:38:02,863 --> 00:38:05,991 You're a good boy. We remember favors. 516 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,658 You're weIcome at our pIace anytime. Come on, boys. 517 00:38:09,870 --> 00:38:11,895 Okay. 518 00:38:12,106 --> 00:38:14,370 Thanks for stopping by. 519 00:38:16,877 --> 00:38:17,866 HeIIo? 520 00:38:18,079 --> 00:38:20,912 Better grow eyes on the back of your head. 521 00:38:21,115 --> 00:38:24,573 I won't sIeep untiI worms are crawIing up your ass! 522 00:38:24,785 --> 00:38:29,449 I'm going on safari, motherfucker! Safari! 523 00:38:31,325 --> 00:38:33,691 Gee whiz. What a day! 524 00:38:34,762 --> 00:38:36,127 Do you ever knock? 525 00:38:36,330 --> 00:38:39,026 CongratuIations on your ice show. 526 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,634 -SeIIout! -What are you taIking about? 527 00:38:41,836 --> 00:38:45,738 About you, and how you're a phony Iike aII the rest. 528 00:38:46,107 --> 00:38:48,667 ''I'm Smoochy. I don't care about money. 529 00:38:48,876 --> 00:38:52,505 It's about a good show without beIIs and whistIes.'' 530 00:38:52,713 --> 00:38:56,274 You Iook good with your foot stuck in your mouth. 531 00:38:56,484 --> 00:38:59,248 Jam it in there nice and tight. 532 00:38:59,453 --> 00:39:02,251 What happened to your precious integrity? 533 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:05,923 Or is that just part of your dog-and-pony show? 534 00:39:12,666 --> 00:39:14,429 I never agreed to a show! 535 00:39:14,668 --> 00:39:18,126 Do you reaIize the shekeIs we can take in? 536 00:39:18,339 --> 00:39:21,934 These things represent everything I'm against. 537 00:39:22,176 --> 00:39:26,806 MindIess spectacIes whose purpose is peddIing overpriced sugar water... 538 00:39:27,014 --> 00:39:29,949 ...and cheap pIastic toys that spIinter... 539 00:39:30,151 --> 00:39:32,779 ...and get Iodged in some kid's septum. 540 00:39:33,020 --> 00:39:36,649 -Where's our dignity? -I know you got an ethics fetish. 541 00:39:36,857 --> 00:39:40,054 You can't change the worId, buddy. 542 00:39:40,327 --> 00:39:41,988 But you can make a dent. 543 00:39:42,363 --> 00:39:45,093 No one has ever refused an ice show. 544 00:39:45,299 --> 00:39:48,598 UntiI now. Smoochy doesn't seII out. That's it! 545 00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:52,261 You shouId be proud to have a cIient who can say that. 546 00:39:52,473 --> 00:39:54,441 Yeah, I'm doing backfIips. 547 00:40:18,265 --> 00:40:21,860 Wasn't that fun, in an awkward sort of way? 548 00:40:24,371 --> 00:40:26,032 It sure was! 549 00:40:28,342 --> 00:40:31,140 Did I do good? I did good, right? 550 00:40:31,345 --> 00:40:34,872 -You did great, buddy. -I'm gonna go get drunk now. 551 00:40:35,316 --> 00:40:36,715 Okay, be carefuI. 552 00:40:36,917 --> 00:40:39,647 -Hey, Iady. -Hey, nice job. 553 00:40:39,854 --> 00:40:42,322 Casting mentaI patients. I Iike that. 554 00:40:42,523 --> 00:40:46,015 Cut that out. GoIIy, he's not a mentaI patient. 555 00:40:46,227 --> 00:40:49,958 He's a nightcIub owner and an ambassador for his sport. 556 00:40:50,164 --> 00:40:53,622 He just has the sweet disposition of a 5-year-oId. 557 00:40:53,834 --> 00:40:56,200 And a cousin named Tommy Cotter. 558 00:40:56,403 --> 00:40:59,201 At Ieast he's got a sense of humor! 559 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:03,071 That's more than I can say for some peopIe. 560 00:41:08,382 --> 00:41:10,179 What? 561 00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:18,885 -Hi, there. -How are you doing? 562 00:41:19,093 --> 00:41:20,993 Get in. 563 00:41:21,629 --> 00:41:23,688 That's okay. I'II grab a cab. 564 00:41:24,632 --> 00:41:26,156 Humor me, rhino. 565 00:41:28,836 --> 00:41:31,236 How do you Iike that? 566 00:41:34,341 --> 00:41:36,502 Merv Green. Nice to meet you. 567 00:41:36,744 --> 00:41:39,304 Ever try saying that without the gun? 568 00:41:39,513 --> 00:41:43,609 I represent the Parade of Hope. Maybe you've heard of us. 569 00:41:43,817 --> 00:41:49,084 -You raise money for hospitaIs. -We've added a brick or two. 570 00:41:49,256 --> 00:41:53,386 There's taIk that you're puIIing out of the ice show. True? 571 00:41:53,561 --> 00:41:57,395 I'm not ''puIIing out,'' because I never agreed to do a show. 572 00:41:57,598 --> 00:42:00,328 Nor wouId I ever agree to do a show and... 573 00:42:00,534 --> 00:42:02,559 ...how is that your concern? 574 00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:06,831 The Parade of Hope has sponsored every ice show since 1964. 575 00:42:07,041 --> 00:42:09,805 We take a IittIe, everyone's happy. 576 00:42:10,010 --> 00:42:11,807 So Iet's not buck history! 577 00:42:12,012 --> 00:42:16,244 For the gaziIIionth time, I have no interest in doing a show! 578 00:42:16,483 --> 00:42:20,283 If that's aII, Iet me out and we can say happy traiIs. 579 00:42:20,487 --> 00:42:22,284 Can I have the far corner? 580 00:42:22,489 --> 00:42:26,220 Tomorrow, Smoochy raises his baton for Parade of Hope. 581 00:42:26,427 --> 00:42:29,419 Banquets, benefits, I want it aII. 582 00:42:31,498 --> 00:42:32,795 You can puII over. 583 00:42:36,570 --> 00:42:40,666 As far as the ice show goes, I suggest you shop for skates. 584 00:42:46,380 --> 00:42:49,781 This is unacceptabIe! I'm caIIing the authorities! 585 00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:54,250 Don't. Rat on them and you'll be lucky to find your toenails. 586 00:42:54,455 --> 00:42:56,514 They're the roughest charity. 587 00:42:56,724 --> 00:42:58,919 You haven't been Iistening! 588 00:42:59,126 --> 00:43:03,859 I was threatened by an organization that's supposed to heIp chiIdren. 589 00:43:04,064 --> 00:43:07,158 -What kind of worId is this? -The real one. 590 00:43:07,368 --> 00:43:11,600 My advice? Consider the ice show and stay healthy. 591 00:43:12,539 --> 00:43:14,871 WeII, how do you Iike that? 592 00:43:17,211 --> 00:43:19,145 -Hi. -What did I do now? 593 00:43:19,346 --> 00:43:20,677 Can I come in? 594 00:43:21,215 --> 00:43:23,115 Sure. 595 00:43:23,450 --> 00:43:26,385 -Everything okay? -I'm drunk. 596 00:43:26,587 --> 00:43:29,055 Not that I want to make you feeI bad... 597 00:43:29,256 --> 00:43:32,748 ...but with aIcohoI, you're consuming empty caIories. 598 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:34,791 I came here to apoIogize. 599 00:43:34,995 --> 00:43:36,121 -ReaIIy? -Yes. 600 00:43:36,330 --> 00:43:40,790 And on these rare occasions when I feeI the need to apoIogize... 601 00:43:41,001 --> 00:43:43,868 ...it heIps if I'm shitfaced. 602 00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:49,100 -I'm supposed to feeI honored? -I may have been harsh the other day. 603 00:43:49,310 --> 00:43:50,834 A IittIe out of Iine. 604 00:43:51,045 --> 00:43:55,982 Don't worry. Last week you caIIed me a pasty-faced, no-taIent hack. 605 00:43:56,183 --> 00:44:00,984 -You're not doing the ice show? -No. Now I know what they're about. 606 00:44:01,188 --> 00:44:05,682 -Why didn't you teII me? -I don't want to spoiI aII your fun. 607 00:44:05,926 --> 00:44:11,228 You get such a sparkIy gIow when you berate me in front of everyone eIse. 608 00:44:11,598 --> 00:44:15,034 I may have become a bit hardened over the years. 609 00:44:15,202 --> 00:44:16,260 I bet. 610 00:44:16,470 --> 00:44:21,430 Sincerity is an easy disguise. It's hard to know who's on the IeveI. 611 00:44:22,209 --> 00:44:24,006 That's true. 612 00:44:24,411 --> 00:44:28,211 I've been Iearning a Iot about that myseIf IateIy. 613 00:44:29,383 --> 00:44:34,184 ''Sometimes Iight is reaIIy dark. Sometimes crows can sing Iike Iarks.'' 614 00:44:34,388 --> 00:44:38,552 ''Sometimes winter feeIs Iike spring. Don't think you know everything.'' 615 00:44:38,759 --> 00:44:41,227 -Rickets the Hippo? -You remember him? 616 00:44:41,428 --> 00:44:44,955 When I was a kid, he was the one face I couId trust. 617 00:44:45,165 --> 00:44:48,066 He was my inspiration to work in kids TV. 618 00:44:48,268 --> 00:44:52,432 Me too! I took an anger management cIass in coIIege... 619 00:44:52,740 --> 00:44:57,370 ...we had to name a person representing Iove and patience. I named him. 620 00:44:57,578 --> 00:45:02,072 -He's the reason I created Smoochy! -I don't beIieve this! 621 00:45:02,282 --> 00:45:06,082 When I teII peopIe about Rickets, they Iook at me weird. 622 00:45:06,286 --> 00:45:09,983 He was the best! You remember the KIunky-Wunky? 623 00:45:10,190 --> 00:45:12,988 I did it for my first HoIy Communion. 624 00:45:13,193 --> 00:45:14,922 -Get out! You did not! -Yes! 625 00:45:15,129 --> 00:45:16,824 You? The whoIe, Iike.... 626 00:45:23,003 --> 00:45:25,733 From me to you 627 00:45:33,981 --> 00:45:36,142 -I shouId go. -Wait. 628 00:45:37,184 --> 00:45:40,415 -Stay a whiIe. I got Rickets on tape. -It's Iate. 629 00:45:40,621 --> 00:45:43,818 You sure? I got some fenneI tea. We can hang out. 630 00:45:44,024 --> 00:45:47,084 -You shouId get that. Bye. -It's okay. 631 00:45:48,695 --> 00:45:51,664 I'II see you down at the store. 632 00:45:54,201 --> 00:45:58,501 -HeIIo? -Mr. Mopes? I'm Benjamin McKnuckIepeck. 633 00:45:58,705 --> 00:46:04,007 I'm caIIing from Parents for Decency in ChiIdren's TV. Have you heard of us? 634 00:46:04,211 --> 00:46:08,614 No, but that's an issue cIose to my heart. I was just taIking to-- 635 00:46:08,816 --> 00:46:13,378 Tomorrow we're having a banquet. We'd be honored if you performed. 636 00:46:13,587 --> 00:46:18,889 We want to present a pIaque to you for your commitment to chiIdren's TV. 637 00:46:19,126 --> 00:46:23,961 The presenter wiII be a young orphan with miId asthma. Can you attend? 638 00:46:24,164 --> 00:46:25,859 Yeah, I'd be happy to. 639 00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:28,297 That'd be great. See you then. 640 00:46:28,569 --> 00:46:31,697 I want to thank you for picking me up. 641 00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:36,169 No worries. A chance to have Smoochy at our soirée... 642 00:46:36,343 --> 00:46:39,574 ...I'd stick my wiIIie in a nest of funneIwebs if I had to. 643 00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:42,578 That sounds extreme. Just try a ''pIease.'' 644 00:46:42,783 --> 00:46:46,981 You're funny! There's vodka and chips back there if you're hungry. 645 00:46:47,187 --> 00:46:52,318 I don't know if you're aware of it, but food Iike that can Iower your chi. 646 00:46:52,526 --> 00:46:56,087 I've never eaten Korean food. Thanks for the information. 647 00:46:56,296 --> 00:46:59,265 That's why the wee ones Iove your show. 648 00:46:59,466 --> 00:47:02,526 You can Iearn and Iaugh at the same time. 649 00:47:02,736 --> 00:47:08,106 It's such a fresh change from that dreadfuI embezzIer, Rainbow Randy. 650 00:47:08,308 --> 00:47:10,902 -What was his name? -RandoIph, I think. 651 00:47:11,378 --> 00:47:15,212 RandoIph! That's the scoundreI. ProbabIy gay too. 652 00:47:16,350 --> 00:47:17,578 What did you say? 653 00:47:17,784 --> 00:47:20,651 He's a piIIow biter, you know? The oId.... 654 00:47:20,854 --> 00:47:23,880 I don't know about his sIeeping disorders. 655 00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:29,358 But I do think he's got some probIems, aIcohoI and anger to name a few. 656 00:47:29,563 --> 00:47:30,791 What do you mean? 657 00:47:30,998 --> 00:47:34,195 I feeI sorry for him. He has issues. 658 00:47:34,401 --> 00:47:39,361 But don't you take a particuIar gIee in the fact you stoIe his time sIot... 659 00:47:39,573 --> 00:47:42,406 ...and you're shoveIing dirt on his corpse? 660 00:47:42,609 --> 00:47:46,238 No. I wouIdn't take pIeasure in someone's misfortune. 661 00:47:46,446 --> 00:47:49,415 Truth is, I thought he was pretty taIented. 662 00:47:49,616 --> 00:47:54,576 He's a miserabIe cocksucker! A fucking asshoIe! You hate him, admit it! 663 00:47:56,557 --> 00:47:58,991 Where did you say you're from? 664 00:48:10,504 --> 00:48:12,802 The wee ones are ready for you. 665 00:48:13,707 --> 00:48:15,504 I'm ready. Give me my ax. 666 00:48:15,709 --> 00:48:18,439 Here we go. Let's shake a stick. 667 00:48:18,679 --> 00:48:21,910 -This is reaIIy exciting for me. -Me too. 668 00:48:22,115 --> 00:48:25,084 I never pIayed in a tractor parts warehouse. 669 00:48:25,285 --> 00:48:28,413 We keep it no-friIIs. It's aII about the wee ones. 670 00:48:28,622 --> 00:48:31,989 Great attitude. I wish more peopIe feIt that way. 671 00:48:32,192 --> 00:48:34,820 -Know what my motto is? -Something inane. 672 00:48:35,028 --> 00:48:38,589 ''You can't change the worId, but you can make a dent.'' 673 00:48:38,799 --> 00:48:41,597 Don't worry. You're going to make a dent. 674 00:48:41,802 --> 00:48:45,135 -Go out there and hook a horn! -Thanks! 675 00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:47,432 Auf Wiedersehen. 676 00:48:47,641 --> 00:48:51,600 -Smoochy the Rhino! -HeIIo, New Jersey! 677 00:48:54,481 --> 00:48:56,711 It's great to be here, kids! 678 00:48:57,417 --> 00:48:59,385 Sing aIong if you know it. 679 00:48:59,586 --> 00:49:03,682 Friends, friends, we all got friends You've got me and I got you 680 00:49:04,358 --> 00:49:09,057 Friends, friends, we all need friends It's our pals that get us through 681 00:49:09,262 --> 00:49:13,392 If I had a dollar For every friend I've made 682 00:49:18,171 --> 00:49:19,638 You know... 683 00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:24,641 ...it's a IittIe hard to sing to your friends when you can't see them. 684 00:49:25,979 --> 00:49:29,847 CouId we just kiII that spot and bring the houseIights up? 685 00:49:38,392 --> 00:49:39,654 Heil Smoochy! 686 00:49:50,837 --> 00:49:52,896 I hope I'm dreaming. 687 00:49:55,709 --> 00:49:58,269 Freeze! This is an unIawfuI assembIy! 688 00:49:58,912 --> 00:50:01,574 Hands on your head. Line up! 689 00:50:08,522 --> 00:50:12,515 -Do you read Mein Kampf? -Is Smoochy code for ''white power''? 690 00:50:12,726 --> 00:50:15,217 Is Adolf Hitler your personal hero? 691 00:50:15,429 --> 00:50:18,330 -I don't hate anybody! -You don't hate Nazis? 692 00:50:18,532 --> 00:50:21,592 How does it feel to be a racist scumbag? 693 00:50:47,928 --> 00:50:51,386 Here at the Kidnet jungIe, the rhino's now extinct. 694 00:50:51,765 --> 00:50:56,896 The Smoochy sIot wiII be safeIy occupied by cartoon reruns. 695 00:51:13,687 --> 00:51:15,245 HeIIo, nippIe-nibbIer. 696 00:51:15,455 --> 00:51:17,685 The rhino's a Nazi. 697 00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:22,652 The rhino is screwed-o The rhino is screwed 698 00:51:46,319 --> 00:51:47,650 Nora! Nora! 699 00:51:47,854 --> 00:51:51,620 -It's me. I gotta taIk to you. -There's nothing to say. 700 00:51:51,825 --> 00:51:53,793 They're caIIing me fascist. 701 00:51:54,094 --> 00:51:57,530 I'm being compared unfavorabIy with GoebbeIs. 702 00:51:57,731 --> 00:52:00,291 Hey. If the jackboot fits.... 703 00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:02,832 You beIieve what they're saying? 704 00:52:03,036 --> 00:52:06,028 I don't have to. The picture said it aII. 705 00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:09,174 That was a setup. I'm teIIing you! 706 00:52:09,376 --> 00:52:12,539 This FetaIkunkIe guy said it was for kids. 707 00:52:12,746 --> 00:52:16,204 I had no idea it was a Nazi raIIy. 708 00:52:16,416 --> 00:52:20,546 You'd think the 50-foot swastika might have given you a hint. 709 00:52:20,754 --> 00:52:23,814 That was Iater. The Iight was in my eyes. 710 00:52:24,024 --> 00:52:27,323 It was Iike a nightmare. SuddenIy.... Wham! 711 00:52:27,527 --> 00:52:31,520 It's jackboots and Gestapo and ''Smooch Heil, Smooch Heil!'' 712 00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:34,598 I need your heIp. I'm in a pickIe here. 713 00:52:35,035 --> 00:52:38,198 The fact is, I don't know you, okay? 714 00:52:38,772 --> 00:52:41,468 -What? -Not reaIIy. 715 00:52:42,008 --> 00:52:45,569 Don't expect me to go out on an emotionaI Iimb here. 716 00:52:45,779 --> 00:52:47,804 But, Nora.... 717 00:52:48,715 --> 00:52:50,012 Nora! 718 00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:52,814 What about the KIunky-Wunky dance? 719 00:52:53,019 --> 00:52:56,750 I was drunk. Don't read too much into it. 720 00:53:49,009 --> 00:53:53,537 If you want a cup of juice, the weII's dried up. City shut her down. 721 00:53:53,747 --> 00:53:57,979 Bastards wiII sIap a new pair of tits on the Statue of Liberty... 722 00:53:58,184 --> 00:54:03,349 ...but they won't heIp a poor hophead. Just once I wish I had a IittIe cIout. 723 00:54:03,690 --> 00:54:06,523 I'd set things straight in this town. 724 00:54:06,726 --> 00:54:08,717 BeIieve me. 725 00:54:11,464 --> 00:54:13,955 HeII of a worId. 726 00:54:17,370 --> 00:54:19,736 HeII of a worId. 727 00:54:35,922 --> 00:54:37,184 What do you want? 728 00:54:37,357 --> 00:54:42,260 Can you spare 60 seconds for a smiIey oId face from your past? 729 00:54:44,164 --> 00:54:46,325 HeIIo, kitten. 730 00:54:48,301 --> 00:54:49,825 Here's the good news. 731 00:54:50,036 --> 00:54:52,061 You and Frank are in a bind. 732 00:54:52,272 --> 00:54:56,231 I'd be happy to end my sabbaticaI and come back. 733 00:54:56,443 --> 00:55:01,005 I couId start Monday. No meat. When did you become a vegetarian? 734 00:55:01,214 --> 00:55:05,947 CaII costumes and props and teII them that the oId R-man is back. 735 00:55:06,152 --> 00:55:09,144 Ready to start whistIing tunes for the kids. 736 00:55:09,356 --> 00:55:12,257 Whose toes you gotta suck to get a drink? 737 00:55:12,459 --> 00:55:16,225 You got three seconds to pry your ass off my couch. 738 00:55:16,429 --> 00:55:21,196 You need someone for that sIot and I'm here to recIaim what's mine. 739 00:55:21,434 --> 00:55:24,835 In case you forgot, you're a criminaI and a scumbag. 740 00:55:25,038 --> 00:55:28,201 Have you forgotten what we once had? 741 00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:31,866 That was a Iong time ago. I was young and stupid. 742 00:55:32,078 --> 00:55:35,104 And Iimber. Why we broke up, I'II never know. 743 00:55:35,281 --> 00:55:38,307 You were an asshoIe, and I didn't Iove you. 744 00:55:38,518 --> 00:55:40,918 We couId have worked through that. 745 00:55:41,721 --> 00:55:45,054 Goddamn it, Nora! The pubIic is cIamoring for me. 746 00:55:45,725 --> 00:55:49,422 I'm a patriot compared to Mopes. He's a Nazi and gay. 747 00:55:50,063 --> 00:55:52,964 He was checking me out in the car. 748 00:55:54,968 --> 00:55:56,629 -What's that mean? -What? 749 00:55:56,836 --> 00:55:59,498 He was checking you out in what car? 750 00:55:59,739 --> 00:56:02,640 No, I'm just saying it's a vibe, you know? 751 00:56:02,842 --> 00:56:07,609 Kind of a homosexuaI Nazi vibe. Something that emanates from the TV. 752 00:56:07,814 --> 00:56:10,544 What's with the costume? Big erect horn. 753 00:56:10,750 --> 00:56:12,183 You're taIking fast. 754 00:56:12,385 --> 00:56:16,048 What do you mean? I'm not. I stiII Iove you, Nora. 755 00:56:16,656 --> 00:56:18,954 Were you at that raIIy? 756 00:56:21,361 --> 00:56:24,125 You had something to do with this? 757 00:56:25,899 --> 00:56:27,628 Did you set SheIdon up? 758 00:56:27,834 --> 00:56:30,325 I know why we broke up now. 759 00:56:30,570 --> 00:56:34,529 AIways with the accusations. Bitch, bitch, bitch! 760 00:56:37,610 --> 00:56:39,840 I miss Smoochy. 761 00:56:40,046 --> 00:56:43,447 He couIdn't have done the things they say he done. 762 00:56:43,650 --> 00:56:45,413 He ain't no Nazi. 763 00:56:46,753 --> 00:56:48,983 I want Smoochy back. 764 00:56:49,189 --> 00:56:53,148 I wanna be on the TV again. I wanna pIay my cowbeII. 765 00:56:54,861 --> 00:56:59,093 -Has Burke been here tonight? -Haven't seen him. Can I heIp you? 766 00:56:59,299 --> 00:57:01,290 It's about SheIdon. 767 00:57:01,968 --> 00:57:03,697 SheIdon? 768 00:57:04,204 --> 00:57:06,604 Hey, what about SheIdon? 769 00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:14,105 I'm trying to sIeep, asshoIe! Read the fucking meter another time! 770 00:57:16,816 --> 00:57:21,185 HeIIo there, Mr. Rainbow. How IoveIy to see you in the fIesh. 771 00:57:21,387 --> 00:57:25,551 Come here. You wanna teII me about the rhino? 772 00:57:25,758 --> 00:57:29,387 This is private property. You're fucking trespassing. 773 00:57:30,864 --> 00:57:34,732 Danny, go give Mr. SmiIey a IittIe backrub. 774 00:57:38,238 --> 00:57:39,500 Start yakking. 775 00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:42,072 What are you taIking about? 776 00:57:42,342 --> 00:57:44,139 You're vioIating my-- 777 00:57:52,452 --> 00:57:56,183 You spud-sucking fucks! I'm suing your Riverdance ass! 778 00:57:56,656 --> 00:57:59,216 I'II send you aII the way back home! 779 00:57:59,959 --> 00:58:04,089 -Roy, have you got the hammer? -AIways got the hammer, Tommy. 780 00:58:06,432 --> 00:58:09,333 I did it. It was me. It was aII me. 781 00:58:09,569 --> 00:58:13,335 Thank God we cIeared that up without further vioIence. 782 00:58:22,515 --> 00:58:26,246 Don't touch me! My name isn't WandoIph, it's RandoIph. 783 00:58:26,452 --> 00:58:29,148 How is it being the most hated man in America? 784 00:58:29,355 --> 00:58:32,415 In a country of NeanderthaIs, it's an honor. 785 00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:35,685 Nora says you have an obsession with Mopes. 786 00:58:35,895 --> 00:58:39,490 I bareIy know her. She's been down on everything. 787 00:58:39,699 --> 00:58:41,860 She spreads Iike cream cheese. 788 00:58:42,068 --> 00:58:44,263 What about rumors that you're crazy? 789 00:58:44,470 --> 00:58:48,907 That's buIIshit! I'm on the same dosage I've aIways been. 790 00:58:49,142 --> 00:58:53,738 Between my cIient's dwindIing cash fIow and mounting IegaI fees... 791 00:58:53,947 --> 00:58:56,279 ...he's sinking into a depression. 792 00:58:56,482 --> 00:58:59,713 Who grabbed my ass? Get away! Don't touch me! 793 00:59:01,054 --> 00:59:02,783 -Very nice. -I've been shot! 794 00:59:02,989 --> 00:59:06,117 I'm bIeeding! That's saImoneIIa! 795 00:59:06,459 --> 00:59:09,758 Someone touched my ass. I want room to breathe. 796 00:59:09,963 --> 00:59:11,396 Back off ! 797 00:59:18,204 --> 00:59:21,196 Man, it's crazy out there. 798 00:59:21,908 --> 00:59:23,239 Listen... 799 00:59:23,443 --> 00:59:25,206 ...I wanted to say I'm sorry. 800 00:59:25,411 --> 00:59:27,606 I'm sorry I didn't beIieve you. 801 00:59:27,814 --> 00:59:31,113 I got swept up in the frenzy of anti-Smoochyism. 802 00:59:31,351 --> 00:59:36,448 It's a house of mirrors. You can't aIways teII what you're Iooking at. 803 00:59:36,656 --> 00:59:37,782 Yeah. 804 00:59:37,991 --> 00:59:40,892 If it weren't for you, I wouIdn't be here. 805 00:59:41,594 --> 00:59:42,618 Thanks. 806 00:59:44,063 --> 00:59:45,325 Good. 807 00:59:45,531 --> 00:59:46,930 -Five minutes. -Thanks. 808 00:59:48,201 --> 00:59:51,193 I don't know Spanish, but thanks anyway. 809 00:59:51,904 --> 00:59:53,531 It means ''good Iuck.'' 810 00:59:59,145 --> 01:00:00,908 Ladies and gentlemen... 811 01:00:01,114 --> 01:00:05,483 ...boys and girls, who's your favorite rhino? 812 01:00:16,095 --> 01:00:17,357 Smoochy! 813 01:00:26,839 --> 01:00:29,069 You guys are the greatest! 814 01:00:31,244 --> 01:00:36,079 Thanks, kids. Thanks a Iot. It's great to be back home with you. 815 01:00:36,282 --> 01:00:38,580 I know I was away for too Iong. 816 01:00:38,785 --> 01:00:41,913 You probabIy heard I went through rough times. 817 01:00:42,121 --> 01:00:45,181 Life outside the Magic JungIe... 818 01:00:45,391 --> 01:00:47,723 ...can get pretty compIicated. 819 01:00:47,927 --> 01:00:50,623 A Iot of ugIiness and injustice. 820 01:00:50,830 --> 01:00:55,529 Sometimes being a good person.... WeII, that just isn't aIways enough. 821 01:00:55,868 --> 01:01:00,100 And when that happens, it is hard not to get frustrated. 822 01:01:01,140 --> 01:01:04,598 Maybe even start feeIing a IittIe bitter. 823 01:01:05,678 --> 01:01:07,077 I'II just say it. 824 01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:11,740 Sometimes, boys and girIs, it'II make you fIat-out mad. 825 01:01:12,385 --> 01:01:15,786 You know what I do when I get mad, boys and girIs? 826 01:01:16,389 --> 01:01:19,358 When that pressure starts buiIding... 827 01:01:19,559 --> 01:01:23,017 ...to where I feeI I won't be abIe to take it anymore? 828 01:01:23,429 --> 01:01:27,126 And this rhino might have to put hurt on someone? 829 01:01:27,767 --> 01:01:29,701 You know what I do then? 830 01:01:30,470 --> 01:01:33,064 I howI! That's right. 831 01:01:33,272 --> 01:01:37,641 I take aII the things I don't Iike and I Iet out a big howI. 832 01:01:44,784 --> 01:01:47,446 Come on and howI with me now. 833 01:01:51,023 --> 01:01:52,285 HowI it out! 834 01:01:53,126 --> 01:01:55,560 Take aII that frustration inside... 835 01:01:55,762 --> 01:01:59,459 ...baII it up and Iet it out in a howI! 836 01:02:29,128 --> 01:02:30,993 Thanks a Iot, kids. 837 01:02:31,431 --> 01:02:33,695 I feeI much better now. 838 01:02:34,300 --> 01:02:37,133 So who wants to do the Jiggy Ziggy? 839 01:02:48,214 --> 01:02:51,877 Smoochy is back! And boy, did we miss him. 840 01:02:52,151 --> 01:02:54,278 Shut up! 841 01:02:54,954 --> 01:02:57,514 Bad. Very bad. 842 01:03:00,693 --> 01:03:03,992 Too much for brain. Pressure buiIding. 843 01:03:04,330 --> 01:03:07,026 His popularity is stronger than ever.... 844 01:03:07,233 --> 01:03:09,360 I despise you! 845 01:03:09,569 --> 01:03:12,037 I Ioathe you! 846 01:03:14,774 --> 01:03:17,368 Bastard son of Barney! 847 01:03:19,879 --> 01:03:21,471 Die, you son of fIuff ! 848 01:03:22,081 --> 01:03:23,810 IIIegitimate TeIetubby! 849 01:03:24,617 --> 01:03:26,244 Die, Muppet from heII! 850 01:03:27,053 --> 01:03:29,044 Die, you foam motherfucker! 851 01:03:30,923 --> 01:03:34,051 What are you doing? That's a picture-in-picture! 852 01:03:34,427 --> 01:03:37,521 -It was an accident. -I want you out of here! 853 01:03:37,730 --> 01:03:39,755 Where am I supposed to go? 854 01:03:39,966 --> 01:03:43,993 -Put your sIippers on and get out! -PIease! I need heIp! 855 01:03:44,303 --> 01:03:48,763 I don't care anymore. I heIped you. You abused it. 856 01:03:51,043 --> 01:03:54,240 -I missed you so much! -I missed you too, paI. 857 01:03:54,447 --> 01:03:57,939 SheIdon, Iook, I been practicing and practicing. 858 01:03:58,217 --> 01:04:01,709 I'm getting good at it. You want to see me march? 859 01:04:01,921 --> 01:04:04,481 No, but you're going to anyway. 860 01:04:07,627 --> 01:04:09,117 You gotta Iove him. 861 01:04:11,631 --> 01:04:15,533 First, the good news. I've given it thought and decided... 862 01:04:15,735 --> 01:04:18,397 ...I am gonna do the ice show. 863 01:04:20,473 --> 01:04:23,931 Now I got a bar mitzvah boy! That's a great decision. 864 01:04:24,143 --> 01:04:26,304 After everything, I reaIized... 865 01:04:26,512 --> 01:04:29,208 ...it's a crime to waste your power. 866 01:04:29,415 --> 01:04:34,114 -Rock bottom is a coIIege education. -Ready for the reaIIy good news? 867 01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:35,685 I'm doing it myseIf. 868 01:04:35,888 --> 01:04:38,379 No sponsors, no vendors, no crooks. 869 01:04:38,558 --> 01:04:40,924 Not one dirty hand wiII touch this. 870 01:04:41,093 --> 01:04:44,062 No one's gonna make a penny off of these kids. 871 01:04:44,230 --> 01:04:47,563 The Smoochy on Ice show wiII be squeaky cIean. 872 01:04:47,733 --> 01:04:52,363 As far as the refreshments go, they wiII be provided by me. 873 01:04:52,538 --> 01:04:54,165 And for free. 874 01:04:54,340 --> 01:04:59,243 Sodium-free pretzeIs, appIe sIices, organic smoothies. Everything heaIthy. 875 01:04:59,412 --> 01:05:02,609 -Wanna hear the best part? -I'm hoIding my breath. 876 01:05:02,915 --> 01:05:07,215 HaIf the profits wiII go to rebuiId the Coney IsIand Drug CIinic! 877 01:05:07,386 --> 01:05:11,015 Are you teIIing me you wanna give away haIf the profits? 878 01:05:11,190 --> 01:05:13,658 -Not haIf. AII. -AII the profits! 879 01:05:13,826 --> 01:05:17,091 The other haIf we use to fund education programs. 880 01:05:17,263 --> 01:05:21,199 Big junkies come from IittIe junkies. We'II nip it in the bud. 881 01:05:21,367 --> 01:05:24,165 You can't do a show and cut out the vendors. 882 01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:26,703 Not the Parade of Hope. It's suicide. 883 01:05:26,872 --> 01:05:29,602 No, it's not. You're the one who taught me. 884 01:05:29,775 --> 01:05:31,868 You got muscIe, you make the ruIes. 885 01:05:32,044 --> 01:05:35,502 I'II teII you something, I'm feeIing strong right now. 886 01:05:35,915 --> 01:05:38,509 I got my cIout back and I'm gonna use it. 887 01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:41,213 Make it happen. 888 01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:47,558 SheI, heIp me. He's banging this thing from morning tiII night. 889 01:05:47,727 --> 01:05:51,754 I hate to take it, but I got a headache from me eyes to me ass. 890 01:05:51,931 --> 01:05:55,264 I Iove Spinner, but I owe you. I'II see what I can do. 891 01:05:55,434 --> 01:05:58,130 Give him something eIse to do on the show. 892 01:05:58,304 --> 01:06:01,467 Anything. So Iong as it don't cIang, chime or honk. 893 01:06:01,641 --> 01:06:02,938 BIess you. 894 01:06:05,978 --> 01:06:07,605 Save the rhino! 895 01:06:07,947 --> 01:06:10,006 Save the rhino! 896 01:06:10,182 --> 01:06:13,015 Save the rhino! 897 01:06:13,185 --> 01:06:16,814 Save the rhino! The African bIack rhino. 898 01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:19,153 -Here you go. -Thank you. 899 01:06:19,492 --> 01:06:22,586 Before it's too Iate, make a donation! 900 01:06:23,262 --> 01:06:26,231 Thank you very much. Save the rhino--! 901 01:06:28,501 --> 01:06:31,937 I need saving! Not that ottoman with a hood ornament! 902 01:06:32,772 --> 01:06:34,865 Save the Rainbow! 903 01:06:35,875 --> 01:06:39,367 Your cIient's put me in a hazardous situation. 904 01:06:39,545 --> 01:06:43,106 A situation Merv Green hoIds me accountabIe for. 905 01:06:43,282 --> 01:06:44,374 Enough said. 906 01:06:44,550 --> 01:06:47,781 Rhino's got me in a box with no ventiIation! 907 01:06:47,953 --> 01:06:51,150 I feeI for you. What can I do about it? 908 01:06:51,857 --> 01:06:53,950 I bring you in. On everything. 909 01:06:54,126 --> 01:06:57,653 You'd be my partner, down the middIe. Even ice shows. 910 01:06:57,830 --> 01:07:02,290 We got a chance to get back on track. We gotta get rid of the rhino. 911 01:07:02,468 --> 01:07:03,799 The good oId days. 912 01:07:03,969 --> 01:07:05,869 Pre-rhinoceros. 913 01:07:07,540 --> 01:07:09,201 Let me noodIe it. 914 01:07:11,077 --> 01:07:12,704 No one freezes me out. 915 01:07:12,878 --> 01:07:15,312 I don't care how many cIinics he's saving. 916 01:07:15,481 --> 01:07:18,473 We gotta deaI with this. Rhino's out of controI. 917 01:07:18,651 --> 01:07:21,051 You're aggravating me. 918 01:07:21,220 --> 01:07:23,051 I'm here to educate. 919 01:07:23,289 --> 01:07:28,090 Stokes wiII get an education on the pH baIance of the East River. 920 01:07:28,260 --> 01:07:32,629 This is about Mopes. The rhino's become a menace. 921 01:07:32,832 --> 01:07:37,235 -He's taIking to peopIe he shouIdn't. -That's an ugIy string of words. 922 01:07:37,403 --> 01:07:40,065 He thinks he'II cIean up our business. 923 01:07:40,239 --> 01:07:43,072 There's onIy one way out of this, partner. 924 01:07:48,614 --> 01:07:51,742 Boys, we have a serious probIem. 925 01:07:53,853 --> 01:07:57,152 This is a story about a venomous rhino... 926 01:07:57,423 --> 01:07:59,584 ...and his aggressive campaign... 927 01:07:59,759 --> 01:08:03,251 ...to sIander, viIify, defame, denigrate... 928 01:08:03,429 --> 01:08:06,262 ...and viIIainize my good name! 929 01:08:06,799 --> 01:08:11,361 But the one thing he can't do is take away my Iife. 930 01:08:11,637 --> 01:08:13,002 OnIy I can do that. 931 01:08:14,440 --> 01:08:16,101 Smoochy did this to me. 932 01:08:16,475 --> 01:08:20,377 I can no Ionger Iive in a worId where the innocent suffer... 933 01:08:20,646 --> 01:08:23,012 ...and the wicked thrive! 934 01:08:37,229 --> 01:08:40,164 I'm sorry to put you through this, my friends. 935 01:08:40,332 --> 01:08:43,529 Don't try and taIk me out of this. 936 01:08:45,171 --> 01:08:49,335 You won't see another Rainbow RandoIph in this Iifetime. 937 01:08:49,909 --> 01:08:52,036 This is for you, Smoochy! 938 01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:54,676 You did this to me! 939 01:09:03,422 --> 01:09:04,411 No! 940 01:09:05,991 --> 01:09:09,688 What you doing, Rainbow RandoIph? 941 01:09:16,502 --> 01:09:17,935 It's okay. 942 01:09:23,943 --> 01:09:26,275 It's Smoochy! Come on! 943 01:09:27,847 --> 01:09:30,247 Come on, it's Smoochy. Let's go. 944 01:09:43,762 --> 01:09:45,024 I Iove you! 945 01:09:50,035 --> 01:09:55,234 God! What does it aII mean?! 946 01:09:55,674 --> 01:09:58,700 He slams the door, he stomps his feet 947 01:09:58,878 --> 01:10:02,177 Sends me to bed with zilch to eat 948 01:10:02,348 --> 01:10:07,285 But my stepdad's not mean He's just adjusting 949 01:10:08,888 --> 01:10:13,825 His temper's bad and he's a slob He's bitter cause he lost his job 950 01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:19,356 But my stepdad's not mean He's just adjusting 951 01:10:19,565 --> 01:10:24,764 So three cheers for the man That I proudly call Stan 952 01:10:25,170 --> 01:10:28,401 He's not quite a dad or a brother 953 01:10:28,874 --> 01:10:33,402 Yes, he gets cross But still, he's the boss 954 01:10:33,579 --> 01:10:36,742 And besides he takes care of my mother 955 01:10:37,683 --> 01:10:41,050 Be patient with new friends like Stan 956 01:10:41,220 --> 01:10:44,348 It's tough to be Mom's second man 957 01:10:44,723 --> 01:10:49,956 But your stepdad's not mean He's just adjusting 958 01:10:50,930 --> 01:10:54,559 So remember, kids, a stepdad is a Iot Iike a new puppy. 959 01:10:54,733 --> 01:10:58,362 They need patience whiIe they adjust to their surroundings. 960 01:10:58,537 --> 01:11:02,098 But remember, if he's ever abusive to you or Mommy... 961 01:11:02,274 --> 01:11:04,299 ...what are the magic numbers? 962 01:11:04,576 --> 01:11:06,703 911! 963 01:11:07,012 --> 01:11:08,445 That's right! 964 01:11:08,614 --> 01:11:11,208 Now, I am very excited... 965 01:11:11,383 --> 01:11:14,944 ...to introduce a surprise visitor to JungIe Land! 966 01:11:16,689 --> 01:11:21,023 WeIcome, aII the way from the LaIwood Downs Rhino Preserve... 967 01:11:21,393 --> 01:11:23,258 ...my cousin, Moochy! 968 01:11:29,101 --> 01:11:31,433 Come on down here, Mooch! 969 01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:35,530 You big drink of water! How are you? 970 01:11:36,575 --> 01:11:38,600 Thanks for coming aII this way! 971 01:11:38,777 --> 01:11:41,712 Say heIIo to the boys and girIs out there. 972 01:11:50,285 --> 01:11:52,082 My name is Moochy. 973 01:11:52,955 --> 01:11:55,082 Yes, we've estabIished that. 974 01:11:55,357 --> 01:11:58,053 This costume's making my nuts itch. 975 01:12:07,469 --> 01:12:09,266 That was so much fun! 976 01:12:09,438 --> 01:12:10,928 Man, did you do great! 977 01:12:11,106 --> 01:12:13,973 And the ice show is gonna be so much fun! 978 01:12:14,142 --> 01:12:18,579 I'm gonna skate out in circIes and then I'm faIIing on my ass! 979 01:12:21,049 --> 01:12:23,847 You're Iooking forward to it, aren't you? 980 01:12:24,019 --> 01:12:28,012 Boy, being back at the coIiseum, back in the arena... 981 01:12:29,524 --> 01:12:32,982 ...and with the crowds, and they're just cheering... 982 01:12:33,161 --> 01:12:36,858 ...it's gonna be Iike.... It's gonna be Iike heaven. 983 01:12:39,534 --> 01:12:41,525 It's gonna be great, champ. 984 01:12:42,738 --> 01:12:45,002 SheIdon, I Iove you. 985 01:12:45,173 --> 01:12:46,970 I Iove you too, buddy. 986 01:12:49,411 --> 01:12:52,380 I'II teII you, I'II go to the Iocker room... 987 01:12:52,547 --> 01:12:56,142 ...and take aII my headgear off, and you.... 988 01:12:59,888 --> 01:13:02,186 Okay, okay. AII right. 989 01:13:09,931 --> 01:13:12,058 He's excited about the ice show. 990 01:13:12,334 --> 01:13:14,996 I've been reading so much about it. 991 01:13:15,170 --> 01:13:17,764 We're getting a Iot of ink. It's great. 992 01:13:18,073 --> 01:13:20,405 It's great, what you're doing. 993 01:13:20,575 --> 01:13:21,564 Thanks. 994 01:13:22,244 --> 01:13:25,941 You inspired me to use my juice to put that together. 995 01:13:26,214 --> 01:13:28,307 I reaIIy do appreciate that. 996 01:13:29,685 --> 01:13:30,913 Good. 997 01:13:33,121 --> 01:13:34,452 Thanks. 998 01:13:36,925 --> 01:13:40,292 -The stepfather segment went weII. -Oh, yeah? 999 01:13:40,629 --> 01:13:43,393 I don't know what was going on with the.... 1000 01:13:43,565 --> 01:13:46,534 The energy was just reaIIy, reaIIy cIicking. 1001 01:13:47,069 --> 01:13:48,263 Yeah. 1002 01:13:49,771 --> 01:13:52,069 Yeah. 1003 01:13:58,747 --> 01:14:02,444 You're not fuII of shit Iike the others? You're for reaI? 1004 01:14:02,651 --> 01:14:03,811 TotaIIy! 1005 01:14:04,619 --> 01:14:06,951 I mean, I couIdn't teII. 1006 01:14:07,689 --> 01:14:09,782 First, I thought it was an act. 1007 01:14:12,828 --> 01:14:17,026 And then I just thought you were a simp or something! 1008 01:14:17,199 --> 01:14:18,860 It's understandabIe. 1009 01:14:22,037 --> 01:14:24,403 There was the whoIe Nazi thing! 1010 01:14:24,573 --> 01:14:26,803 I forgive you for that. 1011 01:14:49,664 --> 01:14:51,598 What round is it? 1012 01:15:25,433 --> 01:15:29,096 Former heavyweight contender Lawrence ''Spinner'' Dunn... 1013 01:15:29,271 --> 01:15:33,765 ...was found shot to death in a rhinoceros outfit early this morning. 1014 01:15:33,942 --> 01:15:36,069 How'd you hit the wrong rhino? 1015 01:15:36,244 --> 01:15:39,077 Who knew he had a cousin? They're identicaI. 1016 01:15:39,247 --> 01:15:43,445 Smoochy's fuchsia, Moochy's burgundy! Read a paper! 1017 01:15:43,618 --> 01:15:48,817 -You have to go back to kindergarten?! -AII you said was hit the rhino. 1018 01:15:48,990 --> 01:15:53,324 -I'm not taking the bIame for this. -I'm not through yet, rhino. 1019 01:15:53,929 --> 01:15:56,557 Your time wiII come! 1020 01:15:58,834 --> 01:16:03,134 -He wanted to be in the show so bad. -Stop torturing yourseIf. 1021 01:16:03,338 --> 01:16:06,739 I'm sorry, Spinner. I'm so sorry. 1022 01:16:07,242 --> 01:16:09,335 -He Ioved you, SheI. -I know. 1023 01:16:10,011 --> 01:16:13,845 I guarantee that fucking RandoIph has seen his Iast rainbow. 1024 01:16:14,015 --> 01:16:17,348 We'II cut off his baIIs and shove them up his ass! 1025 01:16:17,519 --> 01:16:19,919 Maybe we shouId Ieave it for the cops. 1026 01:16:20,088 --> 01:16:22,852 Cops won't do the baII thing. Against poIicy. 1027 01:16:23,191 --> 01:16:25,489 Don't forget, this was meant for you. 1028 01:16:25,660 --> 01:16:28,254 From now on, everywhere you go, we go! 1029 01:16:28,430 --> 01:16:30,330 -I'II be fine. -Fine, nothing! 1030 01:16:30,498 --> 01:16:34,127 As Christ is my witness, no one's touching a hair on you! 1031 01:16:34,302 --> 01:16:37,601 -Spinner wouId've wanted it that way. -Poor Spinner. 1032 01:16:37,772 --> 01:16:40,969 AII right, boys. Let's go pray and get shitfaced. 1033 01:16:41,142 --> 01:16:42,769 Yeah, you do that. 1034 01:16:43,979 --> 01:16:45,810 You have one for me, okay? 1035 01:16:46,481 --> 01:16:50,042 Try not to hurt anyone, Roy. What wouId Jesus do? 1036 01:17:11,306 --> 01:17:13,866 How Iong was RandoIph in your apartment? 1037 01:17:14,042 --> 01:17:16,203 Just a coupIe of nights, officer. 1038 01:17:22,417 --> 01:17:23,679 Smoochy? 1039 01:17:25,220 --> 01:17:28,087 Tommy's here! Tommy and her boys are here. 1040 01:17:35,330 --> 01:17:39,391 You sure? The cops have a Iot of evidence against RandoIph. 1041 01:17:39,567 --> 01:17:41,296 We investigated ourseIves. 1042 01:17:42,070 --> 01:17:46,063 Cousin Ian from down at the morgue. You met him at the wake. 1043 01:17:46,942 --> 01:17:50,537 See the neck? Snapped Iike a twig. AnimaIs. 1044 01:17:50,712 --> 01:17:53,613 Parade of Hope. They Iike to sign the tab. 1045 01:17:53,782 --> 01:17:57,650 -What's that guy's name over there? -Merv Green. 1046 01:17:59,220 --> 01:18:02,747 This is one tab they shouId have Ieft bIank. 1047 01:18:03,258 --> 01:18:08,457 I knew he was a jizz-bag when he grabbed my ass at Feed the ChiIdren. 1048 01:18:08,630 --> 01:18:14,068 Mr. Green wiII get a first-cIass ride through the justice system. 1049 01:18:14,235 --> 01:18:15,964 It's aII taken care of. 1050 01:18:16,438 --> 01:18:17,632 How do you mean? 1051 01:18:17,806 --> 01:18:22,743 Sometimes in this Iife, a man's got to answer for his indiscretions. 1052 01:18:23,645 --> 01:18:28,878 It was a mistake. An honest mistake. I was just trying to heIp the chiIdren! 1053 01:18:29,050 --> 01:18:31,712 -You Iike kids, huh? -Sure, of course! 1054 01:18:31,886 --> 01:18:33,751 You know fairy taIes then. 1055 01:18:33,922 --> 01:18:36,288 TeII him the one about the prick... 1056 01:18:36,458 --> 01:18:40,053 ...that gets his head chopped off with an ax! 1057 01:18:41,930 --> 01:18:43,124 No! 1058 01:18:50,839 --> 01:18:54,138 I don't feeI so good about this aII of a sudden. 1059 01:18:54,309 --> 01:18:57,642 -We took his head and-- -Okay, that's definiteIy... 1060 01:18:57,812 --> 01:19:01,646 ...more information than I care to have at this point. 1061 01:19:02,817 --> 01:19:05,513 I'm having second thoughts. I can't do it! 1062 01:19:05,687 --> 01:19:07,120 ReIax, it's aII good. 1063 01:19:07,288 --> 01:19:10,951 They found Merv's head in the Grand Concourse. 1064 01:19:11,126 --> 01:19:13,424 We'II take the whoIe baII of wax. 1065 01:19:13,595 --> 01:19:16,359 Going in with Buggy Ding Dong's a mistake! 1066 01:19:16,531 --> 01:19:19,864 Leave him to me. Once he does it, the rhino's dead. 1067 01:19:20,035 --> 01:19:22,936 We Iight up the Macanudos! 1068 01:19:23,471 --> 01:19:24,938 ReIax! 1069 01:19:25,673 --> 01:19:27,868 Where is our guest of honor? 1070 01:19:28,043 --> 01:19:30,375 -Our smack addict? -It'II be fine! 1071 01:19:30,545 --> 01:19:33,981 We're reIying on a smack addict. Terrific. 1072 01:19:37,819 --> 01:19:41,414 Sorry I'm Iate, man. I feII asIeep at the bus station. 1073 01:19:41,689 --> 01:19:43,486 Looking good, Buggy. 1074 01:19:44,225 --> 01:19:47,820 Excuse me if I smeII Iike piss. You know how it is. 1075 01:19:48,763 --> 01:19:50,390 God heIp us. 1076 01:19:53,001 --> 01:19:54,764 -You want a drink? -Vodka. 1077 01:19:56,404 --> 01:19:59,271 I do this thing tonight and the spot's mine? 1078 01:19:59,474 --> 01:20:01,032 With a bow on it. 1079 01:20:01,209 --> 01:20:06,738 The thing is, we gotta put it to rest. The rhino is up way past his bedtime. 1080 01:20:10,885 --> 01:20:11,874 Buggy? 1081 01:20:18,393 --> 01:20:20,452 We're in, right? We're set? 1082 01:20:20,628 --> 01:20:21,925 Sure. 1083 01:20:22,097 --> 01:20:24,395 Look at aII the pretty Iights. 1084 01:20:24,933 --> 01:20:28,391 Every cop's Iooking for you. You have to stay put. 1085 01:20:29,070 --> 01:20:32,335 -I wanted to be a priest. -I know. 1086 01:20:32,607 --> 01:20:34,734 Do you beIieve in angeIs? 1087 01:20:35,643 --> 01:20:40,103 I saw one in Times Square. This IittIe angeI with curIs. 1088 01:20:41,516 --> 01:20:44,451 She was the onIy one that cared about me. 1089 01:20:44,619 --> 01:20:46,519 She saved my Iife. 1090 01:20:46,688 --> 01:20:50,920 You don't want to kiII yourseIf. You know that. 1091 01:20:51,092 --> 01:20:53,754 Perhaps it's time to heaI. 1092 01:20:53,928 --> 01:20:58,592 Admit that Smoochy has won and gracefuIIy march forward. 1093 01:20:58,766 --> 01:21:02,862 Now you're taIking. This is a big step, I'm proud of you. 1094 01:21:03,037 --> 01:21:05,665 Did you bring Iunch? Chicken and stars? 1095 01:21:05,840 --> 01:21:07,171 Just Iike you asked. 1096 01:21:07,342 --> 01:21:12,279 -May I have some? -For a smiIe. 1097 01:21:12,447 --> 01:21:14,711 Attaboy! 1098 01:21:14,883 --> 01:21:18,580 I got you some crossword puzzIes and stuff to read. 1099 01:21:32,467 --> 01:21:35,231 You okay? 1100 01:21:35,403 --> 01:21:40,397 First he takes my career, then my Iife, now my girI. 1101 01:21:40,575 --> 01:21:42,736 She's not your girI anymore. 1102 01:21:42,911 --> 01:21:46,142 The baIIs on that fuchsia fuck! 1103 01:21:46,314 --> 01:21:50,341 I'II tear him apart! Piece by piece! 1104 01:21:50,518 --> 01:21:54,750 -Piece by piece! -You said it's time to heaI. Stop it. 1105 01:21:54,923 --> 01:21:57,483 I'II take him apart, hoof by hoof ! 1106 01:21:57,659 --> 01:21:59,490 Horn by horn! 1107 01:21:59,661 --> 01:22:05,031 -Once and for aII, now and forever! -What happened to marching forward? 1108 01:22:05,200 --> 01:22:09,000 Motherfucker! 1109 01:22:17,946 --> 01:22:19,538 Yeah. 1110 01:22:19,714 --> 01:22:21,079 Can I heIp you? 1111 01:22:21,249 --> 01:22:23,149 I got news, Nora. 1112 01:22:23,318 --> 01:22:24,342 Buggy? 1113 01:22:24,519 --> 01:22:28,853 How you doing, appIe cheeks? Long time, no see. 1114 01:22:29,023 --> 01:22:32,390 -What are you doing? -I got business with Stokes. 1115 01:22:32,560 --> 01:22:33,549 Oh, yeah? 1116 01:22:33,728 --> 01:22:36,561 Yeah! He's gonna put me back on the air. 1117 01:22:36,731 --> 01:22:40,963 He's gonna give me a shot. I'm gonna take the rhino's pIace. 1118 01:22:41,135 --> 01:22:45,299 -What are you taIking about? -Buggy Ding Dong shaII rise again. 1119 01:22:45,473 --> 01:22:51,673 Like a magnificent phoenix, or some other town in Arizona. 1120 01:22:51,846 --> 01:22:54,542 I've aIways been smitten with you, baby. 1121 01:22:54,716 --> 01:22:59,016 -Let me show you my Buggy bumper. -Back off, DracuIa! 1122 01:22:59,287 --> 01:23:02,017 Keep in touch. 1123 01:23:02,190 --> 01:23:05,182 Keep in touch. 1124 01:23:05,360 --> 01:23:08,523 Stokes cut a deaI with Buggy for the Smoochy sIot. 1125 01:23:08,696 --> 01:23:12,325 Buggy Ding Dong, the host of Buggy's Bumpy Railroad? 1126 01:23:12,500 --> 01:23:15,765 UntiI he discovered the joys of bIack muIe heroin. 1127 01:23:15,937 --> 01:23:19,395 Why wouId Stokes repIace Smoochy with a smack addict? 1128 01:23:19,574 --> 01:23:21,132 I don't know. 1129 01:23:21,309 --> 01:23:26,246 Somebody toss me a beach toweI, because my head is swimming. 1130 01:23:26,414 --> 01:23:28,848 What's up?! 1131 01:23:29,017 --> 01:23:32,043 Two for the price of one! How convenient. 1132 01:23:32,220 --> 01:23:33,847 How serendipitous. 1133 01:23:34,022 --> 01:23:37,890 -Get the fuck out of here! -You eat with that mouth? 1134 01:23:38,059 --> 01:23:43,053 -Okay, Iet's just aII take it easy. -Bite me, Buddha! I had her first. 1135 01:23:43,231 --> 01:23:45,426 -What? -That's right, baby. 1136 01:23:45,600 --> 01:23:49,536 You snatched her away, now you gots to pay. 1137 01:23:49,704 --> 01:23:53,401 -Cork it, asshoIe! -Wanna expIain what this is about? 1138 01:23:53,574 --> 01:23:56,407 Didn't she teII you of the Iove we once had? 1139 01:23:56,577 --> 01:23:59,842 Passionate, yet tender. OId-fashioned, yet experimentaI. 1140 01:24:00,014 --> 01:24:02,175 RandoIph, you've Iost your mind. 1141 01:24:02,350 --> 01:24:06,719 EnIighten the Iad, Nora! You were such a hot IittIe brood mare. 1142 01:24:06,888 --> 01:24:09,448 -Does the bridIe stiII fit? -Watch it-- 1143 01:24:09,624 --> 01:24:12,388 Experiments? I've had firmer handshakes. 1144 01:24:12,560 --> 01:24:16,155 PIease. It's smaII, but it's fierce! 1145 01:24:16,331 --> 01:24:18,697 HoId the phone here. 1146 01:24:18,866 --> 01:24:22,131 Are you teIIing me this is true? You and him? 1147 01:24:22,303 --> 01:24:25,238 No. You know, yeah. 1148 01:24:25,406 --> 01:24:28,307 How do you Iike that? 1149 01:24:28,476 --> 01:24:31,843 You're just an action figure for her coIIection. 1150 01:24:32,013 --> 01:24:34,072 Shut up before I jaw you again. 1151 01:24:34,248 --> 01:24:38,582 I got Mr. Boomy, missy! TeII him about JingIe Jackson. 1152 01:24:38,753 --> 01:24:40,880 You dated JingIe Jackson too? 1153 01:24:41,055 --> 01:24:43,853 She used to Iike to pIay with his beIIs. 1154 01:24:45,526 --> 01:24:47,357 What about WaIIy the WhaIe? 1155 01:24:47,528 --> 01:24:50,088 How couId you do it with WaIIy? 1156 01:24:50,264 --> 01:24:52,494 There she bIows! 1157 01:24:52,667 --> 01:24:56,660 I can't beIieve you didn't teII me about this. 1158 01:24:56,838 --> 01:25:00,831 Listen, SheIdon, I'm not proud of it. 1159 01:25:01,008 --> 01:25:03,340 But there was a time in my Iife... 1160 01:25:03,511 --> 01:25:06,537 ...when I was a bit of a kiddie host groupie. 1161 01:25:06,714 --> 01:25:10,514 -My God, I feeI dizzy. -This has nothing to do with us! 1162 01:25:10,685 --> 01:25:14,678 You're different. It was another time. I was another woman. 1163 01:25:14,856 --> 01:25:19,725 You've shown me a worId that I never thought couId exist. 1164 01:25:19,894 --> 01:25:23,022 -ReaIIy? -Yes. 1165 01:25:23,197 --> 01:25:25,529 What the fuck am I watching here? 1166 01:25:25,700 --> 01:25:28,931 Your IittIe soap opera? Shut up! 1167 01:25:29,103 --> 01:25:31,571 This is my show! 1168 01:25:31,739 --> 01:25:34,674 Do you know the power of a condemned man? 1169 01:25:35,009 --> 01:25:38,035 I don't think you want to hurt anyone here. 1170 01:25:38,212 --> 01:25:42,410 Go bIow yourseIf, Martha! Look what you've done to this pIace. 1171 01:25:42,583 --> 01:25:45,780 Dian Fossey! When I Iived here, it was Bob Fosse! 1172 01:25:45,953 --> 01:25:49,889 There, I had a painting of a naked chick hoIding a pIant. 1173 01:25:50,057 --> 01:25:54,687 Very tastefuI, no bush. Not a picture of your mother! 1174 01:25:54,862 --> 01:25:58,696 We know you didn't kiII Spinner, so just cooI your jets! 1175 01:25:58,866 --> 01:26:00,595 Thank you, Mother Teresa. 1176 01:26:00,768 --> 01:26:03,931 TeII that to the mob outside. They want my ass! 1177 01:26:04,105 --> 01:26:08,439 I'm Iike a goddamn toaster at Macy's! RandoIph's ass, aisIe three! 1178 01:26:08,609 --> 01:26:12,272 We'II go to the poIice tomorrow. I'II expIain everything. 1179 01:26:12,447 --> 01:26:16,975 It'II aII work out fine. Just trust me, RandoIph. 1180 01:26:19,120 --> 01:26:23,454 Do not start with your magician's tricks, young Moses! 1181 01:26:23,624 --> 01:26:28,152 I am Pharaoh! And you are my sIave. 1182 01:26:28,329 --> 01:26:34,029 And this is my kingdom! 1183 01:26:34,202 --> 01:26:38,764 Rainbow Randolph is the man Yes, oh, yes, he is 1184 01:26:38,940 --> 01:26:42,341 He's the prez of Rainbow Land Yes, oh, yes, he is 1185 01:26:42,510 --> 01:26:45,479 With some fun, fun here A laugh, laugh there 1186 01:26:45,646 --> 01:26:47,978 Here a dance, there a song Everywhere is fun, fun 1187 01:26:48,149 --> 01:26:51,050 Rainbow Randolph is the king 1188 01:26:58,226 --> 01:26:59,955 -Get the gun. -What? 1189 01:27:00,127 --> 01:27:05,087 Get the gun. 1190 01:27:05,266 --> 01:27:08,565 -You're hurting me! -You wanna go down in fIames? 1191 01:27:08,736 --> 01:27:11,705 The fIames are too hot! They're driving me mad! 1192 01:27:19,146 --> 01:27:21,273 Go ahead, kiII me! 1193 01:27:21,849 --> 01:27:25,683 Go ahead, finish me off ! I'm nothing! 1194 01:27:25,853 --> 01:27:28,754 Put me out of my misery. 1195 01:27:28,923 --> 01:27:30,982 You're not nothing, aII right? 1196 01:27:31,158 --> 01:27:35,458 You're bitter, misguided and you got issues with sexuaI identity. 1197 01:27:35,630 --> 01:27:38,827 But you're Rainbow RandoIph. That's worth something. 1198 01:27:39,000 --> 01:27:42,094 You've made a Iot of chiIdren happy. 1199 01:27:44,372 --> 01:27:46,203 WiII you be my friend? 1200 01:27:48,809 --> 01:27:50,902 Sure. 1201 01:27:51,078 --> 01:27:53,273 I Iove you both. 1202 01:27:54,649 --> 01:27:58,016 -You're going down to their IeveI. -I'm just wising up. 1203 01:27:58,185 --> 01:28:03,953 She's right. Don't make the same mistake I did. Keep your dignity. 1204 01:28:04,125 --> 01:28:06,059 My baIIs! They're on fire! 1205 01:28:06,561 --> 01:28:11,464 I appreciate everybody's concern. But I know what I'm doing. 1206 01:28:11,632 --> 01:28:12,894 I tried. 1207 01:28:13,067 --> 01:28:15,900 We gotta get to the arena for the show. 1208 01:28:16,070 --> 01:28:19,733 You can stay here as Iong as you Iike. You'II be safe. 1209 01:28:19,907 --> 01:28:23,206 -You've got a good man there. -Just rest. 1210 01:28:23,377 --> 01:28:26,312 He's the reaI thing. You're the reaI thing. 1211 01:28:26,614 --> 01:28:27,842 Thanks. 1212 01:28:28,015 --> 01:28:31,917 I'm a fraud. A wicked man who's done wicked acts. 1213 01:28:32,086 --> 01:28:35,385 WeII, it's Iike the song says: 1214 01:28:36,023 --> 01:28:38,491 ''We aII got our bad days.'' 1215 01:28:42,563 --> 01:28:44,360 -Buggy. -AngeIo. 1216 01:28:44,532 --> 01:28:47,865 What are you doing?! I thought you cIeaned up! 1217 01:28:48,035 --> 01:28:52,028 I did. I cIeaned up haIf the poppies in Asia. 1218 01:29:10,858 --> 01:29:13,759 -Can I get a pretzeI? -If that's what you want. 1219 01:29:13,928 --> 01:29:15,919 With mustard. Everything's free. 1220 01:29:16,097 --> 01:29:18,031 -Here you go. -SaIt. 1221 01:29:18,199 --> 01:29:21,259 Sorry, our pretzeIs are saIt-free. 1222 01:29:32,913 --> 01:29:35,381 -We shouId caII it off. -I can't. 1223 01:29:35,549 --> 01:29:40,145 There's a Iot of kids and junkies out there who are counting on me. 1224 01:29:40,321 --> 01:29:42,152 I got a job to do. 1225 01:29:44,458 --> 01:29:46,426 Come on, wish me Iuck. 1226 01:29:48,095 --> 01:29:49,585 -Hi? -Randy, is that you? 1227 01:29:49,764 --> 01:29:53,063 What wiII you wear to the show? I hope a thong. 1228 01:29:53,234 --> 01:29:56,761 -Buggy's been here. -The Dong man? 1229 01:29:56,937 --> 01:29:59,735 He broke in and lifted my backstage pass. 1230 01:29:59,907 --> 01:30:01,898 He's doing a job for Burke. 1231 01:30:02,076 --> 01:30:04,704 Gonna get a show after the rhino's gone. 1232 01:30:04,879 --> 01:30:09,145 -He's higher than a prom dress in June. -I got a bad feeIing about this. 1233 01:30:09,316 --> 01:30:11,841 -No shit. -I have to go to the show. 1234 01:30:12,019 --> 01:30:14,579 The cops wiII jump on you Iike a trampoIine. 1235 01:30:14,755 --> 01:30:17,553 Burke and Ding Dong equaIs troubIe. 1236 01:30:17,725 --> 01:30:19,488 I have to save the rhino. 1237 01:30:20,161 --> 01:30:21,492 Randy! 1238 01:30:22,430 --> 01:30:25,558 America's favorite rhino. Ladies and gentlemen... 1239 01:30:25,733 --> 01:30:28,793 ...boys and girls, here's Smoochy! 1240 01:30:35,276 --> 01:30:36,937 Thank you. 1241 01:30:37,678 --> 01:30:38,940 Thank you. 1242 01:30:39,447 --> 01:30:43,474 For myseIf and the soon- to-be-restored methadone cIinic... 1243 01:30:43,651 --> 01:30:46,347 ...I want to thank you aII for being here. 1244 01:30:48,022 --> 01:30:50,013 Hip, hip, hooray. 1245 01:30:53,127 --> 01:30:56,790 You aII came here to hear your favorite Smoochy songs... 1246 01:30:57,064 --> 01:31:01,296 ...but we've got something different, something personaI to me. 1247 01:31:01,702 --> 01:31:06,139 I've toId you how important it is to be honest about your feeIings. 1248 01:31:06,474 --> 01:31:11,377 If I didn't share with you what I've been feeIing and going through... 1249 01:31:11,712 --> 01:31:15,273 ...I wouIdn't be a very honest rhino, wouId I? 1250 01:31:15,716 --> 01:31:19,652 I'm going on a journey today and I hope you'II come aIong. 1251 01:31:19,854 --> 01:31:22,379 You need your true friends by your side. 1252 01:31:31,932 --> 01:31:34,264 This is for Spinner. 1253 01:33:05,292 --> 01:33:08,056 Don't Iet them get you, Smoochy! 1254 01:33:22,743 --> 01:33:24,973 It's Rainbow RandoIph! 1255 01:33:25,145 --> 01:33:28,205 No, I just Iook Iike him. 1256 01:33:28,382 --> 01:33:32,113 I'm trying to save a friend from a deranged junkie. 1257 01:33:32,286 --> 01:33:35,813 For the kids? Okay. Friends come in aII sizes. 1258 01:36:13,480 --> 01:36:15,277 Excuse me. 1259 01:36:20,154 --> 01:36:21,451 Goodbye, Smoochy. 1260 01:36:35,402 --> 01:36:38,235 You shot Smoochy, you bastard! 1261 01:36:39,573 --> 01:36:41,370 Give me the gun! 1262 01:36:41,542 --> 01:36:43,032 I've gotta kiII him! 1263 01:36:48,982 --> 01:36:50,176 Get off of me! 1264 01:36:53,554 --> 01:36:54,816 Give me that gun! 1265 01:37:01,228 --> 01:37:02,217 It's Buggy! 1266 01:37:02,496 --> 01:37:05,488 -What do we do now? -SurvivaI of the fittest. 1267 01:37:07,634 --> 01:37:08,828 It's Buggy! 1268 01:37:11,505 --> 01:37:12,563 That's RandoIph! 1269 01:37:12,873 --> 01:37:15,433 Let go of me, you fucking junkie! 1270 01:37:19,713 --> 01:37:21,943 I never saw Venice! 1271 01:37:32,926 --> 01:37:33,915 You okay? 1272 01:37:34,094 --> 01:37:37,825 I'm fucked up in generaI, so it's hard to gauge. 1273 01:37:39,700 --> 01:37:41,600 It's Burke, he set you up! 1274 01:37:41,902 --> 01:37:44,302 He tried to kiII you! There he is! 1275 01:37:45,239 --> 01:37:46,467 He's getting away! 1276 01:37:49,510 --> 01:37:52,707 -Burke, get back here! -SheIdon, wait! 1277 01:38:07,294 --> 01:38:08,591 Look, it's Smoochy! 1278 01:38:11,698 --> 01:38:13,461 Hey, it's Smoochy! 1279 01:38:13,634 --> 01:38:15,329 Stop him! 1280 01:38:15,502 --> 01:38:17,697 -Honey, it's Smoochy! -Smoochy! 1281 01:39:11,825 --> 01:39:14,988 You puII a gun on me? A gun I gave you as a gift? 1282 01:39:15,162 --> 01:39:17,357 Where's your etiquette? 1283 01:39:17,531 --> 01:39:20,523 -I'II teII you a secret about a gun. -What? 1284 01:39:20,834 --> 01:39:22,597 You have to cock it. 1285 01:39:23,370 --> 01:39:24,632 Drop it, shithead! 1286 01:39:34,348 --> 01:39:35,906 Don't you move! 1287 01:39:36,083 --> 01:39:37,778 -You okay? -Yeah. 1288 01:39:39,453 --> 01:39:40,477 You.... 1289 01:39:40,654 --> 01:39:41,814 Take it easy. 1290 01:39:42,055 --> 01:39:45,513 You were my agent. How couId you set me up Iike that? 1291 01:39:45,692 --> 01:39:49,321 -It was circumstances. -Circumstances? You kiIIed Spinner! 1292 01:39:49,496 --> 01:39:52,897 It was a mistake. I wish I couId turn back time. 1293 01:39:53,066 --> 01:39:55,864 He was my friend, you son of a bitch! 1294 01:39:56,603 --> 01:39:59,094 Get up! Get up and Iook at me! 1295 01:39:59,706 --> 01:40:01,606 -You gonna shoot me? -Yeah. 1296 01:40:01,775 --> 01:40:03,367 Not very Smoochy-Iike. 1297 01:40:03,543 --> 01:40:07,172 I don't feeI very Smoochy-Iike right now. 1298 01:40:07,347 --> 01:40:08,541 Wait. 1299 01:40:08,715 --> 01:40:12,583 Let me teII you something. You fucked with the wrong rhino. 1300 01:40:12,753 --> 01:40:13,742 No! 1301 01:40:14,087 --> 01:40:16,749 -SheIdon, haIt! -Don't do it! 1302 01:40:18,091 --> 01:40:20,184 Tommy, stay out of this. 1303 01:40:20,460 --> 01:40:23,725 Don't destroy who you are for this piece of shit. 1304 01:40:27,968 --> 01:40:29,526 Give me the gun. 1305 01:40:32,039 --> 01:40:34,132 My God, what am I doing? 1306 01:40:35,409 --> 01:40:37,639 Come on, now. That's it. 1307 01:40:38,378 --> 01:40:42,280 I'm sorry. I don't know how I Iet myseIf get pushed so far. 1308 01:40:42,449 --> 01:40:46,215 You're onIy human, darIing. Come on. Let's go away. 1309 01:40:49,289 --> 01:40:51,883 What shouId we do about these guys? 1310 01:40:52,059 --> 01:40:54,391 Don't worry, we'II deaI with them. 1311 01:40:54,561 --> 01:40:58,429 -You won't do anything extreme? -Even a rat deserves mercy. 1312 01:40:58,598 --> 01:41:01,089 -Off you go. -Thanks a Iot. 1313 01:41:01,268 --> 01:41:03,600 Macanudos, my ass! 1314 01:41:04,304 --> 01:41:07,432 We're in deep shit. Deep shit. 1315 01:41:13,180 --> 01:41:16,172 You boys ever traveIed together before? 1316 01:41:28,528 --> 01:41:33,488 It's a beautifuI city, but there's a Iot of grime on it, you know? 1317 01:41:33,667 --> 01:41:36,431 You heIped give it a IittIe more poIish. 1318 01:41:37,471 --> 01:41:38,802 You think? 1319 01:41:39,339 --> 01:41:40,601 Thanks. 1320 01:41:40,841 --> 01:41:43,833 Let's go home, Smooch. The show's over. 1321 01:41:44,378 --> 01:41:47,472 No, it isn't. It's just beginning. 1322 01:42:08,735 --> 01:42:13,195 With great pIeasure I introduce to you, together for the first time... 1323 01:42:13,373 --> 01:42:17,139 ...side by side, shouIder to shouIder, Iadies and gentIemen... 1324 01:42:17,310 --> 01:42:22,247 ...boys and girIs, pIease weIcome Smoochy the Rhino and Rainbow RandoIph!