1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:09,102 Subtitles By The RipperIsDead 2 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:03,866 My husband. 3 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,937 Thank you for last night. 4 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,284 Thank you for last night. 5 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,509 Thank you for last night. 6 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,837 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 7 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,544 Shit. 8 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:39,497 Today, these visusally-impaired senior citizens will fulfill a lifelong dream: 9 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,365 To swim with dolphins. 10 00:02:46,707 --> 00:02:47,935 Hey, check this out. 11 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,542 -What is that? -Careful. 12 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,908 That is four years of research. 13 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:57,446 A technological breakthrough which might just save a life or two. 14 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,448 -What's it for? -A device to prevent... 15 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,586 ...the beaching of cetaceans. 16 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,624 -That's whales to you and me. -Cetaceans, hush? 17 00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,920 That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 18 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,256 l'm not a man-whore. 19 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,394 l'm a fish enthussiast. 20 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,636 l stopped man-whoring when l met my wife. 21 00:03:16,737 --> 00:03:19,035 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon... 22 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,003 ...becausse yos tried to feed the sharks. 23 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,870 You tell your mom l was trying to feed the turtles. 24 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,509 Didn't realize there was meat sauce on the lettuce. 25 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:30,115 Whatever. l bet that thing doesn't even work, you stupid he-bitch. 26 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,742 -Come on, l got it. -Hey, you little bastards. 27 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,915 Give that back! That's not a toy! 28 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,022 That's the one. That's your grandma. 29 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,091 Give me..! Come on! Give me..! 30 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,901 Something seems to be going wrong. l'm not sure what's happening. 31 00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,712 l gotcha! l got..! 32 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,988 Hey, everybody. l'm home. 33 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,927 Hi, Kate. l missed you today. 34 00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:24,032 The prototype's almost working. 35 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,034 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 36 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:35,078 Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where three blind swimmers are missing. 37 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,307 I hope that man rots in hell! 38 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,753 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ball.. 39 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,161 -Hello? -Deucey, Deucey, Deucey. 40 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,026 It's your old buddy T.J. here. 41 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,267 -T.J.? -I'm in Amsterdam. 42 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,964 Man, you'd love it here. lt's like Disneyland for college students. 43 00:04:57,838 --> 00:04:59,066 You wouldn't believe this. 44 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:02,332 Why don't you come and let your friend T.J. show you a good time. 45 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,436 -Oh, that's crazy. l can't. -Look. 46 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,314 lt ain't like you got something better to do over there. 47 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,282 Amsterdam is so far away. 48 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,615 Police have just released a sketch of a man wanted for questioning. 49 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:17,223 Witnesses report he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 50 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,726 On the other hand, far away could be good. 51 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,389 ls my wife gonna be okay in there? 52 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,233 -She'll be fine, sir. -All right. 53 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,600 Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 from Helsinki is now arriving 54 00:05:31,872 --> 00:05:34,602 Excuse me. l think there's been a mix-up. 55 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,640 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 56 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:40,472 That's okay. l always wondered what it felt like to be a white woman. 57 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,010 -Can l borrow it? -Give me that. 58 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:45,875 Hold on. 59 00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,117 All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 60 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,092 Excuse me. 61 00:05:58,399 --> 00:05:59,593 Okay. 62 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,004 Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 63 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,244 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 64 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:18,078 You have nothing to worry about. l'm a fish expert, remember? 65 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,820 What is that over there? 66 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:25,188 Oh, that's just some kid with a fin on his back, trying to scare us. 67 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,417 -Are you sure? -Yeah. 68 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:30,762 Do you think the hotel would let us swim if there were sharks? 69 00:06:31,932 --> 00:06:35,993 Come on. This is Mexico. 70 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,497 They know what they're doing. 71 00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,443 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 72 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:56,389 Fuck you, American, you imperialist bastard! 73 00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:00,018 l love America. l love President Bush. 74 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,486 Thank you for bringing democracy to lraq. 75 00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:05,329 -Shut up! -Oh, shit! 76 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,061 Oh, hello. Sir. 77 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,496 -ls this okay? -You did miss a spot. 78 00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:19,844 Did l get it? 79 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,642 Put some elbow in it. 80 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,214 Sorry, honey. 81 00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:34,154 What's with all these red lights? 82 00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,987 l wonder if they know their curtains are open. 83 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,729 Oh, man. 84 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,302 Ahoy there! 85 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,067 Big deucyy in Amsterdam. 86 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,172 Man, get on over here. 87 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,675 Deucey. 88 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,314 -Look at this boat. -Check this out. 89 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,184 You like that? 90 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,555 l couldn't be happier for you. 91 00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,193 Come, let me show you my float-crib. 92 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:16,628 -Okay. -Looking like money. 93 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:20,098 l'm telling you, you gonna have a good time, man, hush? 94 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,671 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 95 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:29,277 lt's nice. l like what you've done with it. 96 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,883 Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat. 97 00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:35,214 This is where l live. This is my home. 98 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,218 l don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 99 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,358 What do you think of the float-crib? You feeling it? 100 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:45,464 T.J., l think you got a bad leak here. 101 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,193 No, no, no. lt's just high tide. 102 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,003 ls that what l think it is? 103 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,370 Yeah. l brought Kate. 104 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,442 l really wanna show her a good time, you know? 105 00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,637 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 106 00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:02,571 Deucey. 107 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:07,247 Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. 108 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:10,421 -You gotta move on with your life. -T.J.! 109 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,083 Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? 110 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,029 l no more man-whore. Too much danger. 111 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,624 Excuse us for a moment, deucyy. 112 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,435 Listen up, Lil' Kim. 113 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,768 When your little bony ass had SARS, who got you out of quarantine? 114 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,975 -Go make me some money. -No way! 115 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,137 l take my three inches elsewhere. 116 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,384 So l thought l'd come over here and make a killing. 117 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,647 Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. 118 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,785 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho... 119 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,493 -...is a floating man-ho. -Makes sense. 120 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,756 Then all these man-whore murders started. 121 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,191 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 122 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,692 What kind of world do we live in... 123 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,263 ...where the streets ain't safe for male prostitustes? 124 00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,503 Here's your hashish. 125 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,802 -Enjoy. -Hashish? 126 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,975 -Yeah. -No. 127 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,706 l thought this was a coffee shop. 128 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,174 Let me break it down for you. You're in Amsterdam. 129 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:14,485 lf you want coffee, you go to a café. 130 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:18,853 lf you want marijusana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, you go to a coffee shop. 131 00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,388 That's where you is now. 132 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:31,433 Put that away. Cops. Cops! 133 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,141 Hold it right there. 134 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:44,811 Now, that joint looks loose. lf yous want, l'll roll the next one. 135 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,415 Have a good evening, hush? 136 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,089 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 137 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,422 lt's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 138 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,753 No. l'm not smoking nothing. 139 00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,061 Oh, come on, man. 140 00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,791 -Deucey don't smoke. -Suit yousrself. 141 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,191 Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer... 142 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,364 ...the gigolo with the most below. 143 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,332 What do you want, T.J.? l'm busy. 144 00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:09,107 l wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 145 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,940 -He's a gigolo from America. -Hi. 146 00:11:16,216 --> 00:11:18,446 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 147 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,551 How much you getting for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 148 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:21,949 l could get you more. 149 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,282 A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 150 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,386 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 151 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,592 See you around, T.J. 152 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,252 The Man-whore Awards are coming up. 153 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,163 You wanna win the Golden Boner? 154 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,859 l already won it twice. 155 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,963 Just ask your ex-fiancée. 156 00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:37,465 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 157 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,867 l can't believe prostitution's legal here. 158 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,905 Oh, yeah, it's big bussiness. They got a union, dental plan. 159 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,612 Man, if l had a he-bitch like Heinz Husmmer... 160 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,545 ...put me back in the game. 161 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,185 -ls he that good? -''ls he that good?'' 162 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,813 They don't call him ''Lord of the Wangs'' for nothing. 163 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,121 Man, what l wouldn't give.... 164 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,486 For Heinz's wang? 165 00:11:59,259 --> 00:12:02,023 No, l don't want Heinz's wang! l want him as a client. 166 00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,527 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 167 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:08,792 Talking about me wanting Heinz's big juicy wang. 168 00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:10,031 People would think l'm gay. 169 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,570 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world: 170 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,298 His reputation. 171 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,109 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 172 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,475 -What is this? -Spacecake. 173 00:12:23,283 --> 00:12:25,148 -Why do they call it that? -You know... 174 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,584 ...it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 175 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,588 l'm starving. 176 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,424 -lt's a little dry. -Keep eating. lt gets better. 177 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,598 -Yous sure you don't want any? -No. 178 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,828 Never been high, never gonna be. 179 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,468 This is pretty good cake, though. 180 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,572 Fucking excellent. 181 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,404 You. 182 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,078 Come on in here. 183 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,615 You--? You want me to...? 184 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,344 Yes, you. 185 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,173 -Maybe you can help me. -Really? 186 00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:01,314 l don't want a man who's chiseled and sculpted. 187 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,680 l like soft and weak. 188 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:08,150 -You do? -l want a man who's unemployed. 189 00:14:09,389 --> 00:14:11,914 And went to a community college. 190 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,861 l am, and l did. 191 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:17,728 -You know what really turns me on? -What? 192 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,594 ls thinking about him in his tighty whities... 193 00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,926 ...sitting at his computer... 194 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:25,337 ...and visiting different porn sites... 195 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:30,002 ...and taking the free tour with no intention of ever joining. 196 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,003 l don't have a credit card! 197 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,847 -Kiss my chest. -Okay. 198 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,044 Harder! 199 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:39,647 -Bite me! -You sure? 200 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,353 Harder! Bite me harder! 201 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,882 Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! 202 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,898 No more spacecakes for you. 203 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:58,872 Hey. l'm sorry about that, T.J. l must have gotten a contact buzz. 204 00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,066 What'd l tell you about making me look gay? 205 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,501 Not ten minutes go by and you got your mouth... 206 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,036 ...all over my breasteses. 207 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,777 My nipple's ruined! 208 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,006 You're lucky l was born with a spare. 209 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,886 There go one of my ho's. 210 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,389 The old guy in the walker's one of your ho's? 211 00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:20,085 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there making me my money? 212 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,088 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 213 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,762 Deucey, meet me back at the float-crib. 214 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,334 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 215 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:33,497 l raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. Then: 216 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,966 Feel my pimp hand. 217 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,708 Where's the boat? 218 00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:55,723 Oh. You scared me. 219 00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,125 Hey. Do you know who l am? 220 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:04,460 l am Heinz Hummer. l'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 221 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,473 l can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 222 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,204 l could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... 223 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,741 ...that will make you scream all night. Okay? 224 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:16,449 But not now because l'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 225 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,180 Wait a second. Do l know you? 226 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,858 ''New-jizz-fizz... 227 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,793 ...ver-bur-ger-king....''? 228 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:46,637 Heinz. 229 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,522 Man, are you wasted. 230 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,551 l gotcha. 231 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,055 Coming up next, more weather. 232 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,535 What's this? 233 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,005 Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. 234 00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:16,804 Holy shit. 235 00:17:18,578 --> 00:17:20,910 Europe just got a little better. 236 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:25,074 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 237 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,020 -You gotta keep your bitches in line. -Yeah. 238 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,956 -What's he doing here? -l found him passed out in the alley. 239 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,788 l couldn't just leave him there. 240 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,392 l put in a good word for you. 241 00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,530 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 242 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:40,828 l knew you'd come around. 243 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,698 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 244 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,908 No. He can't be. 245 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:55,548 l'm telling you, Heinz is dead. See for yourself. 246 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:01,883 Watch this. 247 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,153 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 248 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,604 l can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 249 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,937 -What were you thinking? -l didn't know you could die from pot. 250 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:25,873 This is no pot-related fatality. This is no ganja accident. 251 00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,442 This man was murdered. 252 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,674 The Man-whore Killer did this? 253 00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:37,282 -We gotta call the police. -No, no, no! Hey, hey! 254 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,125 Goddamn, white boy. 255 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,389 You think the police gonna believe a black pimp... 256 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,290 ...had nothing to do with a dead prosti-dude in his crib? 257 00:18:54,674 --> 00:18:57,507 Before l toss your dumb ass in the canal, l just wanna say... 258 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,873 ...for the record, under T.J.'s management... 259 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,114 ...this would have never happened. 260 00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,553 l just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 261 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,785 Goddamn! 262 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,390 No wonder Delisha never came back. 263 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:20,428 That shit's the real Loch Ness monster. 264 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,692 What's over there? 265 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,970 -Look where his hand is. -What the shit is this? 266 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,337 What you looking at? Turn off them damn cameras! 267 00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:34,271 l ain't gay! l was only looking down his pants... 268 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:37,013 ...becausse l heard his schlong was so big and juicy. 269 00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:39,879 Wait a minute. That didn't sound right. 270 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,688 -Perv! -Give me them damn cameras. 271 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:45,953 Where is he? 272 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,662 We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 273 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,322 The suspected Man-whore Killer... 274 00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:53,358 ...has been spotted on the Prinsengracht Canal... 275 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,827 ...attempting to dispose of his latest victim. 276 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:59,171 -I ain't gay! -The suspected killer... 277 00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:02,697 ...has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 278 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,711 -You idiot. -He is still at large... 279 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,212 -...and extremely.... -Hold it! 280 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,339 Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? 281 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,342 -Where is he? -l don't know. 282 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,348 -Where is he? -l swear l don't know. 283 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,782 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 284 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:23,559 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 285 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,789 Look, l wasn't really man-whoring 286 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:30,293 Please, Mr. Bigalow. l've heard this a thoussand times. 287 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,534 You were cold, you were frightened. 288 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,071 He took you under his arm and fed you. 289 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,072 He made you feel sexy. 290 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:40,542 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 291 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:44,443 But your friend is obviously a killer. 292 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:45,581 T.J.'s not a killer. 293 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,652 lf he isn't a murderer... 294 00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:51,757 ...then what was he doing checking out a dead man's penis? 295 00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,590 l guess he was curiouss. 296 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:58,526 He heard it was big and jusicy... 297 00:20:58,798 --> 00:21:01,096 ...and wanted to see for himself. 298 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:02,666 A lot of guys do that. 299 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,138 No, they don't. 300 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:10,936 Okay. 301 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,143 T.J.'s gay. 302 00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:17,215 -Really? -Not normal-gay, but, you know... 303 00:21:17,817 --> 00:21:20,411 ...crazy-gay, you know? 304 00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:23,881 Musical-theater-gay. 305 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,293 ls that why he puts lipstick... 306 00:21:28,828 --> 00:21:31,490 ...on all his victims? 307 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,300 Wait a minute. 308 00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:37,963 ln the alley, l heard someone whistling. 309 00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:39,703 And l saw someone. 310 00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:44,037 A woman... 311 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:47,813 ...in a leopard coat. 312 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:52,546 People see a lot of crazy things when they're high on spacecake. 313 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,878 There's drugs in spacecake? 314 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:58,848 Mr. Bigalow, l will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 315 00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:07,981 -T.J., thank God you're here. -How'd you find me? 316 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,484 lt's the only chicken and waffle place in Holland. 317 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:13,487 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 318 00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:15,022 That's racist. 319 00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:18,992 -But you are here. -Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 320 00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:24,031 -lt's a nice place. -Did you know Holland invented... 321 00:22:24,134 --> 00:22:26,227 -...chicken and waffles? -Really? 322 00:22:26,636 --> 00:22:29,571 Before that, you could only get chicken or waffles. 323 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:32,574 But they were the first to put them together. 324 00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,806 Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that. 325 00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:38,876 You do know the Dustch started the slave trade. 326 00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:41,879 Those motherfuckers! 327 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,625 Who let them print this? 328 00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:53,618 Look, we're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 329 00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,429 l don't give a damn about that. lt's the ''extremely gay'' part. 330 00:22:57,667 --> 00:23:00,363 lf l'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 331 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:02,001 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 332 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:03,662 But a gay pimp? 333 00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:07,200 -Like, where l'm going? Vermont? -Look, T.J... 334 00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:09,168 ...l think l saw the real killer. 335 00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:10,407 lt was a woman. 336 00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:13,808 Some she-john went on a he-bitch killing spree... 337 00:23:13,683 --> 00:23:15,981 ...becausse she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 338 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,882 -What's a Filthy Lopez? -Forty bucks. Same as downtown. 339 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:22,249 All we do is find the she-johns that went out with the dead gigolos. 340 00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:23,989 -One of them is our killer. -Make sense. 341 00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:26,526 -You gotta get back on the horse. -Horse? What horse? 342 00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:27,924 The man-whore horse. 343 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:29,825 We gonna use your white ass as bait. 344 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,895 Bait? Look, l'm not man-whoring. 345 00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:34,033 We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle. 346 00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:38,162 Twat-sicle? Gross! No. 347 00:23:41,211 --> 00:23:43,042 Give this to my mama. 348 00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:45,545 Tell her l'm sorry l was a disappointment to her. 349 00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:48,309 Sorry l called her friends in the middle of the night... 350 00:23:48,718 --> 00:23:50,652 ...when l was pleasuring myself. 351 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,780 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 352 00:23:56,226 --> 00:24:00,856 Even if l wanted to, how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 353 00:24:00,847 --> 00:24:03,042 We'll go to the man-whore union. But be careful. 354 00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:04,461 They'll be looking for me. 355 00:24:07,237 --> 00:24:10,934 Meeting of the Royal Order of European Man-whores... 356 00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:13,539 ...is now in session. 357 00:24:13,743 --> 00:24:16,405 These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 358 00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:18,908 That? That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 359 00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:21,581 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 360 00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:24,811 That? That's Enzo. He's ltalian. 361 00:24:24,754 --> 00:24:27,052 His nutsack is insured for a million dollars. 362 00:24:27,257 --> 00:24:29,623 -That's 500 grand each. -Check it out. 363 00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:31,989 That's Assapopuluss from Greece. 364 00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:35,197 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 365 00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:36,789 l'd like to never see that. 366 00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:41,260 l'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, Heinz Hummer. 367 00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:42,602 Who's the blond guy? 368 00:24:42,772 --> 00:24:46,003 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of ho's. 369 00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:49,177 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry Vlll crabs. 370 00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:52,248 But l know Heinz would like to be remembered for most... 371 00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:55,876 -...was being a male prostitute. -Hear, hear. 372 00:24:56,286 --> 00:24:59,153 He was also a suspercilious cunt. 373 00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:03,452 -Who's that guy? -Gian-Carlo. Silverback he-bitch. 374 00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:06,728 Heinz Hummer was undercustting all of us. 375 00:25:06,796 --> 00:25:08,423 -What? -Yes. 376 00:25:08,798 --> 00:25:11,631 He was charging the same price for straight sex... 377 00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:14,099 ...as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 378 00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:16,329 -What? -Oh, yes. 379 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:20,470 He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer... 380 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:23,973 ...as he was for a Portusguese Breakfast. 381 00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:28,750 As we sow, so shall we reap. 382 00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:31,912 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 383 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:34,381 Until this insane killer is apprehended... 384 00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:37,657 ...the union is going to institute a new security measure. 385 00:25:37,827 --> 00:25:41,490 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na... 386 00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:45,995 ...and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 387 00:25:45,835 --> 00:25:49,862 There are rings of all sizes available, smaller for our Asian members. 388 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,307 Y'all know me. 389 00:25:52,842 --> 00:25:54,707 My name is McManus. 390 00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:59,975 l joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons: 391 00:26:00,350 --> 00:26:03,046 To have intercourse in exchange for cash... 392 00:26:02,852 --> 00:26:05,844 ...and two, to protect me rights as a man-whore. 393 00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:07,550 But... 394 00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:10,087 ...three years ago... 395 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,592 ...when this usnion told we man-whores... 396 00:26:14,864 --> 00:26:19,028 ...that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls... 397 00:26:18,868 --> 00:26:21,234 ...l strongly disagreed. 398 00:26:21,871 --> 00:26:23,771 But l did not stand up. 399 00:26:23,873 --> 00:26:27,036 l'm ashamed to say l stood down! 400 00:26:27,377 --> 00:26:29,607 And then three months later... 401 00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:33,212 ...this union told we man-whores... 402 00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:38,821 ...that we were to begin washing our private areas between customers. 403 00:26:38,888 --> 00:26:41,322 Our private areas. 404 00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:46,351 And once again, l'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen... 405 00:26:46,896 --> 00:26:48,193 ...l stood down! 406 00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:54,029 But now, sir, for what am l to tell my 8-year-old boy... 407 00:26:54,404 --> 00:26:56,702 ...when he comes to me and he says: 408 00:26:56,906 --> 00:26:58,840 ''Daddy. Daddy. 409 00:26:58,908 --> 00:27:04,107 What's that thing hanging off of your he-pussy?'' 410 00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:06,814 How am l to tell him, sir? 411 00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:16,051 Deucey, yos can do this. 412 00:27:16,426 --> 00:27:18,121 Due to high demand... 413 00:27:18,428 --> 00:27:21,488 ...each member will be only allowed two tickets... 414 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:24,457 -...to this year's Man-whore Awards. -How's it going? 415 00:27:24,934 --> 00:27:28,199 l'm Deuce Bigalow. l'm a gigolo from America. 416 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:32,670 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 417 00:27:32,942 --> 00:27:34,273 Homo! 418 00:27:35,445 --> 00:27:38,778 Now, l'm convinced that the real killer... 419 00:27:39,949 --> 00:27:41,177 ...is a she-john. 420 00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,785 Which means any one of you could be next. 421 00:27:47,457 --> 00:27:49,789 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 422 00:27:49,959 --> 00:27:52,427 Now, if we all work together... 423 00:27:52,462 --> 00:27:54,487 ...we can find out who the real killer is. 424 00:27:56,466 --> 00:27:58,127 What do you say? 425 00:28:04,974 --> 00:28:06,874 How come you didn't tell them l wasn't gay? 426 00:28:06,976 --> 00:28:09,968 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 427 00:28:09,979 --> 00:28:11,970 -What do we do now? -T.J. has an old friend... 428 00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:16,441 ...who just might be able to help us. Come on. Watch your step. 429 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,217 Right this way, please. 430 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:21,718 Deuce. 431 00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:25,858 Antoine? 432 00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:28,521 -Sit down. -lt's good to see you. 433 00:28:28,498 --> 00:28:29,760 lt's been a long time. 434 00:28:36,005 --> 00:28:38,405 This is the list from the man-whore union. 435 00:28:39,008 --> 00:28:42,603 lt's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 436 00:28:43,012 --> 00:28:44,343 Awesome! 437 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:51,919 Please be quiet. l went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 438 00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:55,184 -Sorry. -Now, if you want to compete... 439 00:28:55,024 --> 00:28:56,787 ...with the European man-whores... 440 00:28:57,026 --> 00:29:00,359 ...you need to learn how to really please a woman. 441 00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:03,055 -l should write some of this down. -Go ahead. 442 00:29:04,033 --> 00:29:07,230 You must be able to pleasure a woman with.. 443 00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:09,766 With your.. 444 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:11,871 Pleasure her with...? 445 00:29:17,046 --> 00:29:18,411 Do you want me to try? 446 00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:28,785 All right. 447 00:29:30,059 --> 00:29:32,050 Women really like that? 448 00:29:42,071 --> 00:29:43,538 Man-whore down. 449 00:29:48,578 --> 00:29:50,842 Get the list. lt's in his pants. 450 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,310 All right. l think l got it. 451 00:29:59,088 --> 00:30:01,648 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants... 452 00:30:02,091 --> 00:30:04,321 ...without setting off the faggot alarm? 453 00:30:06,095 --> 00:30:08,655 Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 454 00:30:09,098 --> 00:30:10,963 What am l gonna do if she tries to kill me? 455 00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:13,830 Distract her with your magic she-nis, l'll look for evidence. 456 00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:16,003 The lipstick and the leopard coat. 457 00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:25,047 All right. Hi, l'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, l'm Deuce Bigalow. 458 00:30:25,114 --> 00:30:28,208 Hi, l'm Deuce-- Biggest lady l've ever seen. 459 00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:31,211 That's a huge bitch. 460 00:30:35,124 --> 00:30:36,648 Hi. 461 00:30:39,629 --> 00:30:41,119 Cute kids. Are they yours? 462 00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:45,430 Those pictures, they come with the frames. l'm unable to have children. 463 00:30:46,135 --> 00:30:49,696 l'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 464 00:30:58,648 --> 00:31:00,081 Evidence. 465 00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:05,484 That big ho got food everywhere. 466 00:31:07,156 --> 00:31:08,646 You're a nice man. 467 00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:11,353 Now, take off your clothes. 468 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,288 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 469 00:31:14,664 --> 00:31:16,291 Take them off! 470 00:31:19,168 --> 00:31:20,829 ''Dutch Bride.'' 471 00:31:43,693 --> 00:31:45,684 Baby walk to Mommy. 472 00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:48,721 Come, come. 473 00:31:48,698 --> 00:31:51,064 No! Like baby! 474 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,192 Baby walk to Mommy. 475 00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,674 Good baby. 476 00:32:04,213 --> 00:32:05,942 Come to Mommy. 477 00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:15,520 Baby hungry? Want booby? 478 00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:19,661 Baby never eat again. 479 00:32:31,741 --> 00:32:34,642 You like them big hairy balls, don't you? 480 00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:52,284 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 481 00:32:56,265 --> 00:32:57,596 Hold it! 482 00:32:57,767 --> 00:33:00,793 Hold it right there. ls this truck full of marijuana? 483 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:04,865 ls this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 484 00:33:05,274 --> 00:33:08,175 No unloading pot in the red zone. 485 00:33:08,277 --> 00:33:09,835 Write him up. 486 00:33:09,779 --> 00:33:12,407 -But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. -lnspector. 487 00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:15,774 She's turning 13. We need all this pot for the party. 488 00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:19,050 lnspector. l got these lipticks from Marlene Alsmere. 489 00:33:19,288 --> 00:33:21,483 She was a customer of Heinz. She's big and strong. 490 00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:24,760 -She could easily be the killer. -The lipstick the killer uses... 491 00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:26,022 ...is a very rare one. 492 00:33:26,295 --> 00:33:32,256 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 493 00:33:32,301 --> 00:33:33,393 But.... But.... 494 00:33:33,803 --> 00:33:37,637 Sir, l have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 495 00:33:38,307 --> 00:33:41,174 -Will you stop doing that? -Will you stop playing these games... 496 00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:43,938 -...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? -T.J.'s innocent. 497 00:33:43,813 --> 00:33:46,213 Oh, don't make me laugh. ''T.J.'s innocent.'' 498 00:33:47,817 --> 00:33:50,513 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 499 00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:52,753 That's very nice. Thanks. 500 00:33:58,327 --> 00:34:01,888 -Let me-- Let me help you with that. -Thank you. 501 00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:06,097 Excuse me for asking... 502 00:34:06,335 --> 00:34:08,428 ...but why did you slap yourself like that? 503 00:34:09,839 --> 00:34:11,534 Promise you won't laugh? 504 00:34:12,341 --> 00:34:13,569 l promise. 505 00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:19,007 l have obsessive compulsive disorder. 506 00:34:19,849 --> 00:34:23,410 l have these little rituals that l can't help doing. 507 00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:27,414 l can't touch doorknobs, l snap my fingers when l see a bus. 508 00:34:27,356 --> 00:34:30,018 And when someone sneezes, l slap myself three times. 509 00:34:30,359 --> 00:34:32,725 l've heard of that. That's not so bad. 510 00:34:34,864 --> 00:34:37,560 l'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 511 00:34:38,367 --> 00:34:39,891 lt got me kicked out of school. 512 00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:42,667 lt's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 513 00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:46,330 Actually, l've got about 130. 514 00:34:47,877 --> 00:34:49,401 So you're above average. 515 00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:52,176 l mean.... l'm Deuce. 516 00:34:53,883 --> 00:34:55,874 l'm Eva. 517 00:34:56,886 --> 00:34:58,376 ls that a Sudanese Sweetlips? 518 00:34:58,387 --> 00:35:01,584 -How did you know? -lt's, like, my top-five favorite fish. 519 00:35:02,391 --> 00:35:04,689 They have one here at the aquarium. 520 00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,589 l heard this place is incredible. 521 00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:13,698 The doorknob? 522 00:35:14,904 --> 00:35:16,804 l'll get it. Okay. 523 00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:20,375 Thanks. Thank you. 524 00:35:20,826 --> 00:35:22,191 He's beautiful. 525 00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:24,504 That's really good. 526 00:35:24,914 --> 00:35:26,541 Thank you. 527 00:35:38,928 --> 00:35:43,763 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 528 00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:49,530 Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack a country just to steal their oil. 529 00:35:50,439 --> 00:35:51,906 What? 530 00:35:52,441 --> 00:35:56,434 ''What?'' Did l offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 531 00:35:56,946 --> 00:36:00,074 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 532 00:36:00,449 --> 00:36:02,917 What? l just asked you to put your cigarette out. 533 00:36:02,952 --> 00:36:04,249 And then what is next? 534 00:36:04,453 --> 00:36:06,478 Take wine away from my children? 535 00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:10,949 l put out this cigarette. God bless America. 536 00:36:13,462 --> 00:36:15,862 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 537 00:36:15,965 --> 00:36:18,695 -So they say. -lt could kill every fish in that tank. 538 00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:20,663 Poor little fishy. 539 00:36:23,472 --> 00:36:26,498 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 540 00:36:36,485 --> 00:36:38,715 You have a nice ass. 541 00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:43,982 l think this belongs to you. 542 00:36:50,499 --> 00:36:51,966 You dick! 543 00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:55,061 l would like to take you from behind. 544 00:36:58,507 --> 00:37:01,476 My penis is uncircumcised. 545 00:37:03,012 --> 00:37:04,741 No head. 546 00:37:05,014 --> 00:37:07,039 lt's like a torpedo. 547 00:37:08,017 --> 00:37:11,885 -You pig. -Oh, are you tired of swimming? 548 00:37:12,021 --> 00:37:15,479 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 549 00:37:26,535 --> 00:37:29,060 Fuck off, you Yank! 550 00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:33,440 l'm staying with my uncle for the summer. 551 00:37:34,043 --> 00:37:36,011 Then l go back to art school in Brussels. 552 00:37:36,045 --> 00:37:38,479 Could l take you out for coffee sometime? 553 00:37:39,048 --> 00:37:40,481 You mean like a date? 554 00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:42,574 Well, yeah. 555 00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:49,717 Oh, the siren. 556 00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:53,688 Right. Right. Siren. 557 00:37:54,063 --> 00:37:57,863 Before l can go on a date l have to collect five different colored tulips... 558 00:37:58,067 --> 00:38:01,833 ...eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 559 00:38:02,071 --> 00:38:04,062 Well, that sounds doable. 560 00:38:10,079 --> 00:38:11,603 What is it? 561 00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:15,811 The accordion player? 562 00:38:23,592 --> 00:38:25,492 The Smelly Finger Dance. 563 00:38:33,102 --> 00:38:35,070 One cheek at a time. 564 00:38:36,105 --> 00:38:40,064 Hey, guys. l need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say? 565 00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:44,875 l'm judging a sandcastle-building competition this afternoon... 566 00:38:45,114 --> 00:38:46,809 ...so l can't help you. 567 00:38:47,616 --> 00:38:50,449 The dog ate my penis. 568 00:38:53,622 --> 00:38:56,921 You don't have to walk me any further. l just work over there. 569 00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:59,355 -l don't mind. -l'm kind of embarrased of my job. 570 00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:02,859 l'm kind of embarrased of my job too. What do you do? 571 00:39:04,133 --> 00:39:05,725 Bye, Deuce. 572 00:39:06,135 --> 00:39:10,697 Well, well, well. lf it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 573 00:39:14,143 --> 00:39:15,667 lt's Bigalow. 574 00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:17,874 What's your going rate, Douche? 575 00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:21,241 Well, l was getting $ 10. 576 00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:27,452 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 577 00:39:27,656 --> 00:39:29,715 Sure l know. lt's when she says: 578 00:39:29,658 --> 00:39:33,754 ''Please stop. lt's okay. You tried. 579 00:39:35,164 --> 00:39:36,927 Now, get off me.'' 580 00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:43,866 l bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 581 00:39:44,173 --> 00:39:48,405 Well, that depends. lf she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 582 00:39:48,677 --> 00:39:51,475 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 583 00:39:53,182 --> 00:39:54,809 ls there? 584 00:39:55,684 --> 00:39:57,413 lt's when you stick it in their.... 585 00:39:57,686 --> 00:40:01,986 lt's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 586 00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:05,251 l've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 587 00:40:05,194 --> 00:40:07,185 Small-Below. 588 00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:14,169 I'll be right down. 589 00:40:19,708 --> 00:40:20,936 Okay. 590 00:40:22,211 --> 00:40:24,202 This is the woman that went out with Heinz... 591 00:40:24,713 --> 00:40:26,738 ...the night before he was murdered. 592 00:40:29,218 --> 00:40:33,120 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. l ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 593 00:40:36,725 --> 00:40:39,193 Hi, you must be Lily. l'm Deuce. 594 00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,458 Nice to meet you. 595 00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:54,072 Would you like some bread? 596 00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,268 Oh, l can't have bread. 597 00:40:56,745 --> 00:40:59,441 lt's makes my esophageal lining swell up... 598 00:40:59,248 --> 00:41:01,716 ...and could block my throat-hole. 599 00:41:02,751 --> 00:41:04,719 -Excuse me for a second. -Sure. 600 00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:13,694 Pardon me. l had to clear. 601 00:41:14,763 --> 00:41:16,287 Yeah. 602 00:41:17,766 --> 00:41:20,200 -So, what do you do? -l just got fired. 603 00:41:20,269 --> 00:41:23,170 -l'm sorry. -l was a phone-sex operator. 604 00:41:24,773 --> 00:41:28,834 l only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 605 00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:33,180 l heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 606 00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:35,011 l bet you're glad he's dead. 607 00:41:35,284 --> 00:41:40,153 Heinz was the most gentle man l ever knew. 608 00:41:40,289 --> 00:41:44,157 l miss him and his mangina. 609 00:41:45,794 --> 00:41:47,853 l can't take it anymore. 610 00:41:49,798 --> 00:41:52,699 l'm sorry. l can see that you really liked Heinz. 611 00:41:54,303 --> 00:41:57,397 -Here, let me get that for you. -Thanks. 612 00:42:03,812 --> 00:42:06,747 -Let's go. -l think l'm gonna puke. 613 00:42:07,316 --> 00:42:10,479 l started smoking again when l lost my job. 614 00:42:10,319 --> 00:42:13,948 lf l don't find another one pretty soon, l'm gonna lose my house. 615 00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,951 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 616 00:42:17,326 --> 00:42:21,160 -Relax. Have some wine. -Thanks. 617 00:42:34,343 --> 00:42:36,868 l don't normally drink red wine so.... 618 00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:39,837 l have hiccups. 619 00:42:42,851 --> 00:42:45,979 -Gone down the wrong hole, l think. -Check, please. 620 00:42:47,856 --> 00:42:51,257 Deuce, l can't thank you enough. 621 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,921 lt's good for you, it's good for them. l'm just glad it worked out. 622 00:42:56,865 --> 00:43:00,323 -l better get to work. -l'll be hearing from you. 623 00:43:00,869 --> 00:43:02,359 Okay. 624 00:43:04,373 --> 00:43:08,742 The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 625 00:43:08,877 --> 00:43:11,311 There is no parking in the white zone. 626 00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:14,349 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. 627 00:43:14,883 --> 00:43:16,111 The white zone.. 628 00:43:17,386 --> 00:43:19,980 l am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 629 00:43:20,889 --> 00:43:24,985 l am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 630 00:43:25,394 --> 00:43:27,294 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 631 00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:30,296 Gwyneth. 632 00:43:30,899 --> 00:43:32,127 Good choice. 633 00:43:43,912 --> 00:43:45,243 Oh, hey. 634 00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:49,646 l got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 635 00:43:55,424 --> 00:43:57,984 So, Enzo... 636 00:43:57,926 --> 00:44:00,360 ...got any she-johns lined up for tonight? 637 00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:03,762 Well, l did a Chili Rainbow last night so l'm exhausted. 638 00:44:03,932 --> 00:44:07,197 What about you, Assapopuslus? 639 00:44:07,436 --> 00:44:09,768 l've got the herpes so.... 640 00:44:09,938 --> 00:44:11,496 What are you gonna do? 641 00:44:13,442 --> 00:44:14,670 Liar! 642 00:44:14,943 --> 00:44:17,776 -Mahmoud! -What's your excuse? 643 00:44:17,946 --> 00:44:21,074 l just realized l'm gay. 644 00:44:22,951 --> 00:44:25,442 Any of yous guys want a blowjob? 645 00:44:27,956 --> 00:44:29,423 l do. 646 00:44:30,459 --> 00:44:32,188 Well.... 647 00:44:32,461 --> 00:44:36,830 Okay, then. l better go put that penis in my mouth. 648 00:44:36,965 --> 00:44:39,263 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer. 649 00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:40,901 -No. Come on. -No, we're not. 650 00:44:40,969 --> 00:44:43,870 -Get down! -l don't wanna die! 651 00:44:44,473 --> 00:44:47,374 You really should find a better hiding place. 652 00:44:48,477 --> 00:44:50,035 Oh, you haven't heard. 653 00:44:50,979 --> 00:44:54,005 -Rodrigo's been killed. -No. 654 00:44:53,982 --> 00:44:57,247 Oh, my God, why? He was just having his ass hair bleached. 655 00:44:57,486 --> 00:44:59,852 He got much more than that, l can assure you. 656 00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:06,427 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy that Scotland Yard... 657 00:45:06,495 --> 00:45:10,556 ...has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 658 00:45:10,999 --> 00:45:12,466 Thank you very much. 659 00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:16,801 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 660 00:45:17,005 --> 00:45:19,473 The Russsian women are a little freaky down below. 661 00:45:19,508 --> 00:45:22,944 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 662 00:45:23,512 --> 00:45:25,571 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south... 663 00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:27,311 ...put a clothespin on your nose. 664 00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:29,483 l'll keep that in mind. 665 00:45:32,020 --> 00:45:33,885 Wish me luck. 666 00:45:34,022 --> 00:45:37,082 Gasov. You mind changing that to the weather channel? 667 00:45:40,028 --> 00:45:41,757 lt's gonna be cold tomorrow. 668 00:45:44,032 --> 00:45:46,500 l have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 669 00:45:50,539 --> 00:45:54,305 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 670 00:45:55,043 --> 00:45:56,271 What do you know about it? 671 00:45:56,044 --> 00:45:59,377 Apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all. 672 00:45:59,548 --> 00:46:01,948 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 673 00:46:02,551 --> 00:46:05,816 l think everything happens for reason. 674 00:46:06,555 --> 00:46:09,149 You're probably wondering why l'm wearing this veil. 675 00:46:09,558 --> 00:46:13,494 l wasn't, but if you wanna talk about it, cool. 676 00:46:13,562 --> 00:46:14,961 l grew up in Chernobyl. 677 00:46:15,063 --> 00:46:16,291 Chernobyl. 678 00:46:17,065 --> 00:46:19,397 -What a pretty name. -My mother... 679 00:46:19,568 --> 00:46:23,402 ...she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 680 00:46:24,072 --> 00:46:28,736 lnstead of a nose, l was born with an appendage on my face. 681 00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:32,603 A male appendage. 682 00:46:35,083 --> 00:46:36,448 No shit? 683 00:46:37,586 --> 00:46:41,750 l have always been a little self-conciouss about it. 684 00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:43,956 Well, you shouldn't. l mean.... 685 00:46:44,092 --> 00:46:49,428 A lot of women would love to have a guy's dick on their face. 686 00:46:49,598 --> 00:46:51,725 Yours is just permanent. 687 00:46:54,102 --> 00:46:55,729 You are sweet. 688 00:46:56,605 --> 00:46:59,301 And very handsome for an American. 689 00:47:02,611 --> 00:47:04,135 l like you. 690 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:15,283 l would love to hear some Latin music. 691 00:47:15,123 --> 00:47:17,421 Well, l'll see if the penis knows any. 692 00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:20,925 l mean the pianist. 693 00:47:21,630 --> 00:47:23,655 The guy playing the piano. 694 00:47:25,634 --> 00:47:29,297 The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 695 00:47:48,156 --> 00:47:50,021 Damn, no lipstick. 696 00:47:50,158 --> 00:47:53,252 -You smell nice. What is it? -lt's Old Nice. 697 00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:57,029 lt's a knockoff of Old Spice. 698 00:47:57,165 --> 00:48:01,397 l like it, but l think it makes me sneeze. 699 00:48:01,670 --> 00:48:03,661 What happens when you sneeze? 700 00:48:05,674 --> 00:48:07,835 Oh, Jesus, l'm sorry. 701 00:48:09,177 --> 00:48:12,738 Oh, good Lord. Now is a good time to turn. 702 00:48:23,692 --> 00:48:25,091 Hi. 703 00:48:37,205 --> 00:48:39,435 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 704 00:48:39,207 --> 00:48:41,402 Only until l can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 705 00:48:42,210 --> 00:48:44,303 ls there someone waiting for you back home? 706 00:48:45,714 --> 00:48:47,181 lt's kind of hard to explain. 707 00:48:48,216 --> 00:48:49,979 Would you like to meet her? 708 00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:52,482 She's here in Amsterdam? 709 00:48:53,221 --> 00:48:55,086 lt's my wife. 710 00:48:57,225 --> 00:48:59,785 l got her right here in my duffle bag. 711 00:49:05,233 --> 00:49:07,997 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 712 00:49:09,237 --> 00:49:11,865 She passed away a couple of years ago... 713 00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:14,435 ...and this is all l have left of her and l.... 714 00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:21,807 Nice to meet you. 715 00:49:21,750 --> 00:49:26,915 She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 716 00:49:43,271 --> 00:49:45,535 Hey, can l see you when you get off work? 717 00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:49,676 Oh, you know, l'd really love to, but l'm going to be so tired. 718 00:49:49,778 --> 00:49:51,678 -Bye. -Okay. 719 00:50:04,292 --> 00:50:06,283 Eva. Eva. 720 00:50:07,295 --> 00:50:10,560 Did you just kiss me nine times becausse you're OCD? 721 00:50:10,799 --> 00:50:13,427 No. lt's because l like you. 722 00:50:15,303 --> 00:50:16,702 Excuse us, coming through. 723 00:50:20,308 --> 00:50:22,276 What are they doing in there, anyway? 724 00:50:22,811 --> 00:50:24,574 They're making a movie. 725 00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:27,213 Cool. What kind of movie? 726 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,788 -l better get to work. -Okay. 727 00:50:35,323 --> 00:50:37,848 ln there? You work in there? 728 00:50:38,827 --> 00:50:41,955 -Yeah. Well-- -Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday. 729 00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:43,991 -Thank you. -Eva. Eva. Listen... 730 00:50:44,332 --> 00:50:47,790 ...we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 731 00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:51,135 -All the gusys? -Yeah. l can't keep them waiting. 732 00:50:51,339 --> 00:50:52,567 Bye, Deuce. 733 00:50:53,842 --> 00:50:56,402 l'll put your name on the list. 734 00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:13,884 Hey, whoa, whoa. 735 00:51:13,862 --> 00:51:15,659 Back of the line, buddy. 736 00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:18,560 Trust me, she's worth the wait. 737 00:51:22,871 --> 00:51:24,498 lt's a closed set, you can't come in. 738 00:51:24,372 --> 00:51:25,771 Like hell l can't. 739 00:51:27,375 --> 00:51:29,172 Get off her, you little freak! 740 00:51:37,385 --> 00:51:39,114 Eva, you don't have to do this. 741 00:51:41,890 --> 00:51:45,291 Hey, l agreed to one midget, not two! 742 00:51:48,396 --> 00:51:49,920 Deuce? 743 00:51:50,899 --> 00:51:52,662 Eva, you don't have to do this. 744 00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:54,129 Do what? 745 00:51:54,903 --> 00:51:56,928 -This. -What? 746 00:51:58,907 --> 00:52:00,465 This. 747 00:52:03,411 --> 00:52:04,844 You painted that? 748 00:52:05,413 --> 00:52:07,506 l'm a scenic artist. 749 00:52:07,415 --> 00:52:09,713 So that's what you do here. 750 00:52:12,921 --> 00:52:14,980 Hey, little friend. l guess l owe you a big.. 751 00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:21,808 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? Stoner Steve! 752 00:52:21,930 --> 00:52:24,125 -T.J., is that you? -Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude. 753 00:52:24,432 --> 00:52:26,866 l've went out with every girl on that list in Holland. 754 00:52:26,935 --> 00:52:30,132 -Find the rest of those bitches. -Those women live in other countries. 755 00:52:30,438 --> 00:52:34,670 Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that snatch-pole and go find the real killer! 756 00:52:34,943 --> 00:52:37,605 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Café! 757 00:52:48,456 --> 00:52:49,480 Hi. 758 00:52:50,959 --> 00:52:52,051 Hi. 759 00:53:54,522 --> 00:53:55,955 Hey, look at that. 760 00:53:56,024 --> 00:53:57,651 Look at that, right there. 761 00:54:09,037 --> 00:54:10,402 Are yous sure? 762 00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:42,366 T.J., there you are. 763 00:54:42,570 --> 00:54:44,834 The girl with the giant ears heard Heinz talking... 764 00:54:45,073 --> 00:54:48,474 ...aboust some photo in the man-whore society. We gotta get in there. 765 00:54:48,576 --> 00:54:51,875 -Why aren't you in disguise? -l'm in disguise. 766 00:54:52,580 --> 00:54:54,104 l'm in blackface. 767 00:54:55,083 --> 00:54:57,074 -But you're black. -Yeah, but l'm disguised... 768 00:54:57,085 --> 00:54:58,848 ...as a different black guy. 769 00:54:59,087 --> 00:55:01,078 -You look the same. -What you trying to say? 770 00:55:01,089 --> 00:55:03,284 -We all look alike? -No, that's not it. 771 00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:06,856 You're such a racist. l got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 772 00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:08,960 Come on. Jeez, let's go. 773 00:55:15,603 --> 00:55:19,164 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 774 00:55:19,107 --> 00:55:22,042 Hey, l'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 775 00:55:24,112 --> 00:55:26,774 Still. l'm going to have to ask you to leave. 776 00:55:27,115 --> 00:55:29,811 That's what your mama said after l bang her. 777 00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:33,519 Okay, that's it. 778 00:55:34,122 --> 00:55:35,555 Go, go, go! 779 00:55:40,628 --> 00:55:42,892 Hey, your mama is in here. 780 00:55:43,131 --> 00:55:44,928 lt's okay. l know what l'm talking about. 781 00:55:45,133 --> 00:55:48,694 lf you're going to stick two in there, you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 782 00:55:49,137 --> 00:55:51,105 l know what l'm talking about, huh? 783 00:55:51,139 --> 00:55:52,834 Okay, l gotta go now, Ma. 784 00:56:21,169 --> 00:56:22,830 Hey, this thing is locked. 785 00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:35,411 Man! l only heard about this place. 786 00:56:35,183 --> 00:56:37,981 This is where man-whoring all started. 787 00:56:39,687 --> 00:56:42,019 Check it out. You know who this is? 788 00:56:42,190 --> 00:56:44,590 He was the first guy to keep from shooting his load... 789 00:56:44,692 --> 00:56:45,920 ...by thinking about sports. 790 00:56:48,696 --> 00:56:52,029 This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. 791 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,725 Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. 792 00:56:54,702 --> 00:56:57,262 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 793 00:56:57,705 --> 00:57:00,765 The only thing left of him is this stick... 794 00:57:00,708 --> 00:57:03,836 ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 795 00:57:08,716 --> 00:57:12,015 Now, this brother here, Kunta Kuntlicker. 796 00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:15,450 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass-eating. 797 00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:19,784 Vladmir Suckmeov. 798 00:57:20,228 --> 00:57:22,822 The first man-ho in space. They were studying... 799 00:57:23,231 --> 00:57:25,563 ...the effects of zero gravity on the reach-around. 800 00:57:25,733 --> 00:57:29,601 -Will you cut it out? -l'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 801 00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,731 Hey. Wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 802 00:57:36,244 --> 00:57:40,010 That's the blond lady with the leopard coat. This must be the killer. 803 00:57:41,749 --> 00:57:44,411 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 804 00:57:44,752 --> 00:57:48,210 l thought l'd go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff link.. 805 00:57:49,757 --> 00:57:52,851 -You left the trophy case open again. -Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 806 00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:54,250 Deucey. 807 00:57:55,263 --> 00:57:57,891 -l gotta fart. -You gotta what? 808 00:57:57,765 --> 00:58:00,290 -l gotta fart. -Well, hold it. 809 00:58:02,770 --> 00:58:04,032 l hear something. 810 00:58:07,775 --> 00:58:10,972 l think the building is squeaking. 811 00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:12,906 Maybe it's a bird. 812 00:58:19,287 --> 00:58:20,879 You idiot! 813 00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:25,816 -Go. -Bigalow! 814 00:58:26,794 --> 00:58:29,228 Security! Stop them! 815 00:58:31,299 --> 00:58:32,891 T.J. 816 00:58:45,813 --> 00:58:47,747 -Move the curtain! -What the hell? 817 00:58:48,316 --> 00:58:49,908 Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 818 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,880 -Enzo? He kill Enzo. -No, no, l didn't do it. 819 00:58:54,822 --> 00:58:56,847 What is that? 820 00:58:57,825 --> 00:59:00,350 That is not a dick in my hand. 821 00:59:00,828 --> 00:59:04,855 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? l got burnt dick on my hand. 822 00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:14,774 Eva. Eva. 823 00:59:14,842 --> 00:59:17,140 -l'm in the shower. -T.J.'s been arrested. 824 00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,711 l can't hear you! l'll be out in a minute! 825 00:59:19,847 --> 00:59:23,510 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer... 826 00:59:23,851 --> 00:59:26,513 ...murdered famed gigolo Enzo Giarraputo. 827 00:59:26,854 --> 00:59:31,188 Our meteorologist Trus is sick today. Filling in is Henk van de Berg. 828 01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:23,241 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 829 01:00:23,411 --> 01:00:24,969 Like what? 830 01:00:35,923 --> 01:00:38,824 l'll get that. l was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 831 01:00:40,928 --> 01:00:42,759 So is your uncle home? 832 01:00:43,431 --> 01:00:46,423 No. We're completely alone. 833 01:00:47,435 --> 01:00:49,096 Would you like some cheese? 834 01:00:49,437 --> 01:00:50,802 l'm lactose intolerant. 835 01:00:51,439 --> 01:00:53,407 Why are you so jumpy? 836 01:00:53,941 --> 01:00:55,738 Maybe l can help you relax. 837 01:01:00,448 --> 01:01:02,211 You're shaking. 838 01:01:03,951 --> 01:01:05,441 Maybe it's because l'm cold. 839 01:01:05,953 --> 01:01:07,580 l can fix that. 840 01:01:07,955 --> 01:01:09,855 Why don't you pour us a drink. 841 01:01:14,962 --> 01:01:18,489 So l guess we're all alone, huh? 842 01:01:20,468 --> 01:01:21,901 Yes. 843 01:01:22,970 --> 01:01:25,268 Deuce. You're scaring me. 844 01:01:25,973 --> 01:01:27,201 Eva. 845 01:01:29,977 --> 01:01:34,914 Listen, everything l'm about to do is because l really care for you. 846 01:01:35,483 --> 01:01:36,814 Oh, Deuce. 847 01:01:37,485 --> 01:01:38,952 Now, l don't know why.... 848 01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:44,515 l don't know why you've done this, but l'm gonna give you everything l've got. 849 01:02:12,019 --> 01:02:13,384 Deuce? 850 01:02:23,030 --> 01:02:24,895 -Don't go in there. Stop! -Gaspar. Gaspar. 851 01:02:25,032 --> 01:02:28,399 l know who the killer is. l know who the killer is. 852 01:02:35,543 --> 01:02:36,771 l know who the killer is. 853 01:02:36,544 --> 01:02:39,638 l knew sooner or later someone would figure it out. 854 01:02:45,052 --> 01:02:47,384 l'm sorry l have to be the one to tell you. 855 01:02:52,059 --> 01:02:53,617 lt's Eva. 856 01:02:55,062 --> 01:02:56,757 lt's Eva? 857 01:02:58,566 --> 01:03:00,693 You mean my niece Eva? 858 01:03:01,068 --> 01:03:03,093 l know it sounds crazy... 859 01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:06,039 ...but l found the lipstick. The same lipstick the killer used. 860 01:03:06,574 --> 01:03:10,510 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, at your house. 861 01:03:10,578 --> 01:03:14,480 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 862 01:03:14,582 --> 01:03:18,518 Exactly. Plus, l heard her whistling the same song l heard the killer whistle. 863 01:03:18,586 --> 01:03:19,951 Like: 864 01:03:27,094 --> 01:03:29,688 Now, you tell me. Why would anyone but the killer... 865 01:03:30,097 --> 01:03:33,464 ...be whistling that specific song? The odds would be astronomical. 866 01:03:33,601 --> 01:03:35,364 Maybe the song got stuck in her head... 867 01:03:35,603 --> 01:03:38,003 ...because she overheard the real killer whistling it. 868 01:03:38,105 --> 01:03:40,130 And maybe the real killer is someone... 869 01:03:41,108 --> 01:03:44,669 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 870 01:03:46,113 --> 01:03:50,015 Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 871 01:03:50,618 --> 01:03:53,917 Look, l understand this must be very difficult for you... 872 01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:56,783 ...to be out-thunk by a civilian like myself. 873 01:03:57,124 --> 01:03:59,115 But we have to put our egos aside right now... 874 01:03:59,126 --> 01:04:00,559 ...and do what's best for Eva. 875 01:04:00,628 --> 01:04:02,721 She's clearly ill and she needs our help. 876 01:04:03,130 --> 01:04:04,620 You're absolutely right. 877 01:04:04,632 --> 01:04:07,965 You know, the only thing l can't think of is motive. 878 01:04:08,135 --> 01:04:10,365 l mean, what could she have against man-whores? 879 01:04:10,638 --> 01:04:15,166 Maybe because they represent a decline of this once glorious city... 880 01:04:15,142 --> 01:04:18,236 ...which has become a new Sodom and Gomorrah for rich college kids... 881 01:04:18,646 --> 01:04:21,740 ...to smoke hash, to fornicate with Venezuselan hookers... 882 01:04:21,649 --> 01:04:25,642 ...or to defecate on our historic cobblestone streets. 883 01:04:26,153 --> 01:04:28,713 They don't defecate on the streets. 884 01:04:33,661 --> 01:04:37,062 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? l mean, he could be a local. 885 01:04:42,169 --> 01:04:43,568 Where is Eva now? 886 01:04:45,172 --> 01:04:46,935 She's at your house. 887 01:04:46,674 --> 01:04:48,301 Good. 888 01:04:55,683 --> 01:04:57,844 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 889 01:04:58,185 --> 01:05:00,278 She doesn't seem that dangerous. 890 01:05:00,688 --> 01:05:04,522 -You're not gonna hurt her, are you? -You can never be too careful. 891 01:05:06,193 --> 01:05:10,061 -That poor guy. -What a dipshit. 892 01:05:10,698 --> 01:05:11,115 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 893 01:05:11,115 --> 01:05:14,380 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 894 01:05:14,702 --> 01:05:18,638 ...safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos... 895 01:05:18,706 --> 01:05:22,039 ...are right here under one roof, all asking: 896 01:05:22,209 --> 01:05:26,168 ''Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?'' 897 01:05:26,213 --> 01:05:29,842 In this car, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening. 898 01:05:30,217 --> 01:05:31,741 -Damn it. -His mother. 899 01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:35,621 She's the woman that made me start into prostitustion... 900 01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:38,886 ...made me go into prostitustion. l wanted to become a doctor, but.... 901 01:05:39,226 --> 01:05:41,091 Uncle, you home? 902 01:05:41,729 --> 01:05:44,755 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 903 01:05:46,233 --> 01:05:48,133 ''Man-Whore Awards''? 904 01:05:48,736 --> 01:05:51,569 Please welcome your host for this evening. Johnny Vaughan. 905 01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:56,233 Thank you very much. Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores... 906 01:05:56,744 --> 01:06:01,579 ...a night where we celebrate guys who can get wood no matter what. 907 01:06:01,749 --> 01:06:03,614 Do you know, they have gay-pride days. 908 01:06:03,751 --> 01:06:06,049 -Oh, my God. -Yes. 909 01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:12,123 -l'm going to kill them all. -But why? 910 01:06:12,259 --> 01:06:15,387 Don't you see what's happening to our country? 911 01:06:19,767 --> 01:06:22,099 But it's murder. 912 01:06:23,771 --> 01:06:28,435 During the final number, when these man-whores are gathered on-stage... 913 01:06:28,776 --> 01:06:31,176 ...l push this little button and: 914 01:06:32,279 --> 01:06:34,406 Bye-bye, gigolos. 915 01:06:34,782 --> 01:06:39,412 Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend Deuce Bigalow. 916 01:06:39,787 --> 01:06:41,015 l won't let you! 917 01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:45,850 lf you wanna stop me... 918 01:06:48,295 --> 01:06:51,594 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 919 01:06:57,304 --> 01:07:00,296 -Where's Eva? -Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 920 01:07:00,808 --> 01:07:03,299 -l'm going there too. -l'm coming with you. 921 01:07:03,811 --> 01:07:07,178 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 922 01:07:21,328 --> 01:07:21,745 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 923 01:07:21,745 --> 01:07:24,179 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 924 01:07:24,331 --> 01:07:29,530 ln Thailand, l got a job in a carnival sideshow, eating broken glass. 925 01:07:29,837 --> 01:07:33,568 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 926 01:07:33,340 --> 01:07:36,673 And it's all collected in the lining of my anus. 927 01:07:37,344 --> 01:07:41,212 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 928 01:07:43,350 --> 01:07:46,319 Here to perform his signature move, the Chili Rainbow... 929 01:07:46,353 --> 01:07:50,847 ...would you please welcome Assapopuslus Borealis. 930 01:08:14,882 --> 01:08:16,315 Deuce! 931 01:08:16,383 --> 01:08:18,044 Deuce! Right here! 932 01:08:18,385 --> 01:08:20,649 -Hey, Eva's right behind us. -Deuce, stop! 933 01:08:23,390 --> 01:08:25,415 What are you doing? She's right back there. 934 01:08:26,393 --> 01:08:28,384 -He's the killer! -What? 935 01:08:28,395 --> 01:08:29,828 You're with the killer! 936 01:08:30,397 --> 01:08:32,888 -l'm with the dealer? -He's the Man-whore Killer! 937 01:08:32,900 --> 01:08:34,731 Eighteen-wheeler? 938 01:08:35,402 --> 01:08:36,767 My uncle is the killer! 939 01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:40,840 Oh! l'm with the.. You're the k.. 940 01:08:40,908 --> 01:08:44,366 She says that l am the killer, you stupido. 941 01:08:49,917 --> 01:08:52,215 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 942 01:08:52,419 --> 01:08:54,114 What did they do to me? 943 01:08:55,422 --> 01:08:58,858 All my life l dreamed of being one thing: a gigolo. 944 01:08:59,426 --> 01:09:01,724 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 945 01:09:02,930 --> 01:09:06,331 l'll never forget that day. Never. 946 01:09:06,433 --> 01:09:09,231 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 947 01:09:09,436 --> 01:09:10,835 Now, today, class... 948 01:09:10,938 --> 01:09:15,568 ...we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portusguese Breakfast. 949 01:09:15,943 --> 01:09:18,434 You take an egg and you crack it. 950 01:09:18,946 --> 01:09:21,005 You mix them up. 951 01:09:20,948 --> 01:09:23,883 Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 952 01:09:24,451 --> 01:09:26,681 -And? -And we pour that in there. 953 01:09:26,954 --> 01:09:30,617 -Beautiful. Very nice, now. And.. -And don't forget the Canadian bacon. 954 01:09:30,457 --> 01:09:32,118 Canadian bacon. l was getting to that. 955 01:09:32,459 --> 01:09:34,723 -What are you doing? -lt's a penis enlarger. 956 01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:37,089 Just a few pumps and it gets your thing bigger. 957 01:09:36,964 --> 01:09:38,932 You mind if l give myself a few pumps? 958 01:09:39,466 --> 01:09:40,797 Go nuts. 959 01:09:40,968 --> 01:09:43,129 There we go. So there you have it. 960 01:09:42,970 --> 01:09:46,406 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 961 01:09:46,974 --> 01:09:48,464 Delicious. 962 01:09:48,475 --> 01:09:50,739 -Elsa? -Gaspar? 963 01:09:57,985 --> 01:09:59,714 They knew she was my fiancée. 964 01:09:59,486 --> 01:10:01,977 And tonight l will get my revenge. 965 01:10:08,996 --> 01:10:10,554 Leave it! 966 01:10:22,009 --> 01:10:25,069 l'm from Canada and l'm wasted! 967 01:10:27,514 --> 01:10:28,776 -Are you all right? -Yeah. 968 01:10:29,016 --> 01:10:31,007 -Are you okay? -Stop! Stop! 969 01:10:31,018 --> 01:10:32,645 Police business. 970 01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:34,851 Come on, we gotta stop him. 971 01:10:36,023 --> 01:10:38,491 Stop! Stop! Man-whore bussiness. 972 01:10:38,525 --> 01:10:41,187 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year... 973 01:10:41,528 --> 01:10:45,589 ...let's take a moment to honor those gigolos who have recently passed. 974 01:11:04,551 --> 01:11:07,452 Hey, Daddy. l was looking in your underwear drawer and l found... 975 01:11:07,554 --> 01:11:09,181 ...this bracelet. 976 01:11:10,057 --> 01:11:13,117 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 977 01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:17,360 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he.. 978 01:11:17,564 --> 01:11:18,792 His he.. 979 01:11:19,066 --> 01:11:21,227 His he.. 980 01:11:22,569 --> 01:11:24,867 Happy birthday, son, you got a bracelet. 981 01:11:25,072 --> 01:11:26,334 Great. 982 01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:29,303 Let's go. Come on. 983 01:11:29,576 --> 01:11:31,407 Now the award you've all been waiting for: 984 01:11:31,578 --> 01:11:33,068 The Man-whore of the Year. 985 01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:35,878 Listen. Go get help. l'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 986 01:11:36,083 --> 01:11:38,017 Okay. Good luck. 987 01:11:38,585 --> 01:11:39,882 Excuse me. 988 01:11:40,087 --> 01:11:42,647 You have to get off the stage now or you'll all be killed! 989 01:11:43,090 --> 01:11:45,854 Get the hell out of here, Douche, before l have you thrown out. 990 01:11:45,592 --> 01:11:48,220 -There's a bomb on the stage! -You idiot. 991 01:11:48,595 --> 01:11:50,358 You're all gonna die! 992 01:11:51,598 --> 01:11:53,725 l'm the Man-whore Killer. This is a bomb! 993 01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:56,967 Everybody out! Everybody get out! 994 01:11:57,104 --> 01:11:58,833 You gotta get out of here! 995 01:12:04,111 --> 01:12:07,103 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 996 01:12:09,616 --> 01:12:12,983 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 997 01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:17,352 l was never able to satisfy a woman. l'll see to it that they won't either. 998 01:12:22,629 --> 01:12:26,963 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 999 01:12:28,135 --> 01:12:30,433 Those gigolos don't know what they're talking about. 1000 01:12:30,637 --> 01:12:32,605 ls he talking aboust us? 1001 01:12:36,643 --> 01:12:38,372 Do you really think all a woman wants... 1002 01:12:38,645 --> 01:12:40,636 ...is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel... 1003 01:12:40,647 --> 01:12:43,844 ...or Turkish Snow Cone or an lrish Facial? 1004 01:12:45,152 --> 01:12:47,950 -Yes, they do, liar. -No, they don't. 1005 01:12:48,655 --> 01:12:52,523 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1006 01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:55,128 -Or at least pretend to. -Yes. 1007 01:12:55,162 --> 01:12:56,629 What? 1008 01:12:57,164 --> 01:12:58,893 When she's hurting... 1009 01:12:58,665 --> 01:13:00,360 ...ask her how she feels. 1010 01:13:01,668 --> 01:13:03,932 -Cry with her. -Yeah! 1011 01:13:04,171 --> 01:13:06,071 These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1012 01:13:07,674 --> 01:13:11,110 l've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1013 01:13:13,680 --> 01:13:15,409 l faked it. 1014 01:13:17,184 --> 01:13:19,709 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch... 1015 01:13:20,187 --> 01:13:22,655 ...or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1016 01:13:23,690 --> 01:13:25,453 This guy knows his shit. 1017 01:13:28,695 --> 01:13:30,253 What are you doing? 1018 01:13:31,698 --> 01:13:33,598 Anyone else? 1019 01:13:39,206 --> 01:13:42,698 lf you let a woman know you care, maybe she'll give you an lrish Facial. 1020 01:13:52,719 --> 01:13:55,654 We will die together, man-whore. 1021 01:13:57,724 --> 01:14:00,852 -You don't have to do this. -They ruined my life. 1022 01:14:00,727 --> 01:14:03,958 -Give me the detonator. -No. 1023 01:14:04,231 --> 01:14:05,994 My penis exploded. 1024 01:14:07,234 --> 01:14:09,464 Okay, that's a tough one. l'll give you that. 1025 01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:15,368 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1026 01:14:17,244 --> 01:14:19,474 No. No. 1027 01:14:19,746 --> 01:14:21,213 Gaspar! 1028 01:14:30,257 --> 01:14:31,952 Are you okay? 1029 01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:35,751 We did it. 1030 01:14:41,768 --> 01:14:43,963 That's the grossest thing l've ever seen. 1031 01:14:44,271 --> 01:14:46,330 And l've seen some pretty gross things. 1032 01:14:46,273 --> 01:14:46,656 -ln the car. -Put your head down. 1033 01:14:46,656 --> 01:14:47,953 -ln the car. -Put your head down. 1034 01:14:48,275 --> 01:14:50,209 l'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1035 01:14:51,278 --> 01:14:55,009 Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1036 01:14:55,782 --> 01:14:57,579 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1037 01:14:57,784 --> 01:15:00,116 Thanks. l'm..That's very.... 1038 01:15:01,288 --> 01:15:02,983 This belongs to you too. 1039 01:15:04,791 --> 01:15:06,656 Hang it to the left. 1040 01:15:07,294 --> 01:15:08,886 You gonna eat that? 1041 01:15:08,795 --> 01:15:11,161 -Knock yourself out. -Thank you. 1042 01:15:14,301 --> 01:15:17,702 So l guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1043 01:15:17,804 --> 01:15:19,533 l don't want you to treat me differently. 1044 01:15:19,806 --> 01:15:21,831 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1045 01:15:22,309 --> 01:15:24,368 Well, the first one's always free. 1046 01:15:28,815 --> 01:15:31,340 -Deuce! -What? 1047 01:15:31,818 --> 01:15:33,513 Oh, no. No, it's.. 1048 01:15:33,820 --> 01:15:35,447 lt's just this. 1049 01:15:57,844 --> 01:15:59,744 Deucey! 1050 01:15:59,846 --> 01:16:01,404 Thank you, Jesus. 1051 01:16:02,349 --> 01:16:03,941 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1052 01:16:04,851 --> 01:16:08,184 Oh, you asking if l got ass-punked. ls that what's happening right now? 1053 01:16:08,355 --> 01:16:12,985 -Not if you don't wanna talk about it. -Well, turns out l'm not that attractive. 1054 01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:15,055 Well, you've been cleared of murder... 1055 01:16:14,861 --> 01:16:17,295 -...but people still think you're gay. -Hey, hey, hey. 1056 01:16:17,864 --> 01:16:19,991 Don't tell nobody l'm not gay. Look at it: 1057 01:16:19,866 --> 01:16:22,733 T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1058 01:16:22,869 --> 01:16:25,667 l mean, l'm gonna corner the market. Check out my new bitches. 1059 01:16:25,872 --> 01:16:27,965 -Hello, darling. -Hi, sweetie. 1060 01:16:28,375 --> 01:16:29,899 Love you. 1061 01:16:31,378 --> 01:16:33,107 Let's get chicken and waffles. My treat. 1062 01:16:33,380 --> 01:16:36,679 So the first thing a brother wants out of prison is chicken and waffles? 1063 01:16:36,883 --> 01:16:39,181 -Oh, come on. -Get your she-cocks back to work.