{344}{432}% Of all the wonderful things|in life you can find %
{433}{507}% They all can be yours|with the right frame of mind %
{509}{587}% Just look, and you'll find %
{589}{671}% There are no secrets to hide %
{673}{756}% Leave your problems behind|Leave your problems behind %
{757}{829}% No worry, friends|No worry %
{1064}{1145}-[People Murmuring]|-[Man] Yuck!
{1146}{1195}Eww!
{1197}{1286}Swim trunks are loaded with|detergents and other hazardous|chemicals harmful to fish.
{1288}{1330}Ow! Aah!
{1899}{1937}Oh!
{2366}{2413}Hi, Allison.
{2536}{2621}- Just quit my job at the aquarium.|- Heard you got fired.
{2623}{2726}Yeah. The aquarium's totally changed.|Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
{2728}{2781}I got a lot|of great offers.
{2783}{2831}Things are really|starting to happen for me.
{2833}{2903}- I was thinking maybe later|if you weren't doing any--|- No.
{2905}{2994}- I mean if--|Uh, when you're not working.|- I don't think so.
{3031}{3101}Okay, I guess I'll just take|some sea snails and be on my way.
{3286}{3353}No, no, a little lower.|The ones on the bottom.
{3812}{3860}Uh,
{3862}{3921}have a good nipple.
{4274}{4320}[Tires Screeching]
{4365}{4433}[Laughing]
{4530}{4625}% Color me|your color, baby %
{4626}{4709}% Color me your car %
{4711}{4774}% Color me|your color, darling %
{4776}{4861}-% I know who you are %|- [Both Laughing]
{4863}{4921}% [Continues, Indistinct]
{4922}{4993}- Ah, you have beautiful|skin, baby, huh?|- [Laughing]
{4995}{5071}Get some olive oil,|rub it all over you.
{5073}{5124}We'll have|a good time, huh?
{5126}{5197}[Woman] Oh, yeah.
{5247}{5309}-[Door Slams]|-[Man] Let's get him out of there.
{5489}{5577}[Man, Woman Moaning|Passionately, Faint]
{5612}{5689}[Woman] Ohh! Oh, Antoine!
{5691}{5756}Yeah!|[Continues Moaning]
{5886}{5969}[Moaning Pace Quickens]
{5971}{6050}-[Antoine] Oh! Oh! Oh!|Oh! Oh! Oh!|-[Woman Shrieking]
{6052}{6113}[Moaning Ceases]
{6163}{6233}Try to keep your|goldfish in this bowl.
{6300}{6357}If you like, I could|stick around for a while.
{6398}{6465}Every kid needs a father.
{6739}{6797}What the hell?
{7077}{7126}- [Roars]|- [Gasps]
{7284}{7336}What the hell|are you doing?
{7338}{7443}There's a mongrel koi in there.|It's the most dangerous of all goldfish.
{7480}{7553}- Do you have any ice?|- Hey.
{7555}{7601}Shoes off, huh?
{7603}{7670}Respect the 18th century|Persian carpet.
{7766}{7848}Whoa!|What are those?
{7849}{7941}Medieval weapons.|I'm a collector.
{7943}{8009}They're worth twice as much|if they've killed somebody.
{8103}{8157}I collect|Canadian quarters.
{8159}{8219}I got about six of'em.
{8340}{8400}Would you like|anything to drink?
{8401}{8452}I wouldn't mind|a glass of--
{8453}{8521}Whoa.|What is that?
{8522}{8617}Is that a custom Living Color|anti-glare, retractable-top tank?
{8619}{8681}- I'm not sure.|- It is!
{8683}{8744}They assemble each one|of these by hand.
{8746}{8839}Whoa! Chinese tailbar lionfish.|He's a beauty!
{8841}{8891}That's an $800 fish!
{8919}{8983}- Try a grand.|- Then you overpaid.
{9085}{9136}Hey, fishy, fishy,|fishy, fishy.
{9138}{9205}Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy.
{9206}{9275}Hey. An Australian|rainbow fish.
{9277}{9347}You're not gonna|want to put him in there--
{9349}{9443}- Oh, God!|- Women love it.
{9445}{9510}They find it erotic|when they eat each other.
{9540}{9605}Excuse me|for a second, huh?
{9607}{9653}Must make pee-pee.
{9749}{9806}[Urinating]
{9959}{10005}[Phone Rings]
{10007}{10063}-[Answering Machine Beeps]|-[Woman] Antoine, hi. It's Regina.
{10065}{10146}I'm flying in from Luxembourg tomorrow.|I want you to be my driver.
{10148}{10227}Swiss Air, flight 12.|Is it still 3,500?
{10229}{10321}- See you. Ciao.|-[Answering Machine Beeps]
{10323}{10398}I finally figured out how you|pick up all these gorgeous women.
{10400}{10472}- How's that?|- You're a limo driver.
{10506}{10565}Sometimes I am.
{10567}{10669}- So you just drive them back|here and have sex with them?|- If they pay me enough, yes.
{10670}{10734}What kind of limo service|is that?
{10736}{10818}Shouldn't you be taking them|to fancy restaurants or the theater?
{10856}{10937}- I'm a gigolo.|- A gigo-who?
{10968}{11049}Women pay me|to give them pleasure.
{11163}{11258}- How did you get that job?|- I just kind of fell into it.
{11289}{11347}I'm gonna kill|my guidance counselor.
{11390}{11451}% [Latin Dance]
{11533}{11625}- Hey! Hey! Hey! [Chattering]|- [Dog Barking]
{11863}{11915}Down!|Bad dog!
{12133}{12197}Hey, guys.|Did you miss me?
{12346}{12449}Well, there's been a slight delay|in our move-to-the-beach plan.
{12507}{12556}But don't worry.
{12661}{12710}It's gonna happen.
{12826}{12875}[Antoine] Hey, fish guy!
{12954}{13037}I think there's something wrong|with my, uh, uh, big fish.
{13263}{13326}pH is off. The nitrates|are at a dangerous level.
{13328}{13434}- I can neutralize it.|- Oh, fishy, fishy, fishy.
{13436}{13514}They don't like that.
{13571}{13644}- I think our little friend|has Malawi bloat.|- What the hell is that?
{13646}{13719}- It's a gill disorder.|- Is it bad?
{13765}{13821}- Could be fatal.|- But is he gonna make it?
{13822}{13929}He's in shock. I gave him|some freeze-dried water fleas,|but he's gotta want to live.
{13930}{13995}- The next forty-eight|hours are critical.|- Forty-eight hours?
{13997}{14090}But I got to go to Switzerland for|business. I'll be gone for three weeks.
{14092}{14157}Well, cancel it.|You got a sick fish here, pal.
{14159}{14207}Hey, hey,|what about you, huh?
{14209}{14268}Sounds good, but I can't afford|to go to Europe right now.
{14270}{14370}- My passport expired--|- No, no, I mean you can stay|here and look after my fish.
{14372}{14423}I've got|a full bar, huh?
{14425}{14476}Digital television.
{14478}{14537}You're on the beach.
{14538}{14593}I don't know.|I--
{14736}{14811}I would be honored|to care for your fish.
{15151}{15267}Just remember, don't use my car|and don't answer my phone.
{15269}{15348}No car, no phone.
{15349}{15400}So I guess throwing a big beach party's|out of the question.
{15504}{15571}This is a 14th century|Hungarian crossbow.
{15573}{15638}It has killed a king...
{15640}{15697}and changed|the history of Europe.
{15699}{15802}You mess up anything in my apartment,|I'll shove it up your ass.
{15857}{15906}Have a good trip.
{16097}{16151}% Come on, come on %
{16238}{16312}Women pay me|to give them pleasure.
{16433}{16482}[Screams]
{16484}{16548}% Come on, come on %
{16549}{16605}% And tell me|what you're sayin' %
{16607}{16653}% Come on, come on %
{16655}{16717}% Get a whiff|of what I'm wearing %
{16719}{16765}% Come on, come on %
{16837}{16887}% Come on, come on %
{16889}{16935}% And stop %
{16937}{16985}[Man] I'm on the beach.
{16987}{17058}I mean, I open up my window,|I got sand blowin' in my face.
{17060}{17138}- It's that crazy. I'd love|to show it to you sometime.|- No.
{17140}{17186}- You really owe it to yourself to see--|- No.
{17188}{17265}Hey! Try to get laid|on your own time, pal.
{17266}{17332}[Customers Complaining]
{17333}{17384}I guess I'll just take|some sea snails.
{17445}{17511}You better get me some|from the colder tank.
{17898}{17945}[Clicks, Whirrs]
{17946}{18013}[Man Calling Race]
{18089}{18140}[Clicks, Whirrs]
{18142}{18213}% ["Strangers in The Night"]
{18601}{18666}[Moaning, Sighing]
{18668}{18764}- [Woman] Oh, yes! Oh!|- [Doorbell Rings]
{18766}{18861}[Man On TV] I've been bad.|I've been really bad.
{18862}{18909}-[Hand Swatting]|-[Moaning Continues]
{18910}{18984}- [Clicking Frantically]|- [Man] But it was worth it.
{19038}{19101}Hi. Would you like to buy|some Girls of America cookies?
{19103}{19189}- [Man On TV] Don't hit me with that.|- Could you come back later?
{19191}{19277}- [Swat]|- [Man] Ohh!|- Eew. What are you watching?
{19279}{19335}- [Moaning]|- You're gross!
{19337}{19409}You're a sick man,|and I'm gonna tell!
{19411}{19467}- [Man On TV] Hit me with it again.|- How much?
{20084}{20137}[Groaning]
{20293}{20339}Great.
{20341}{20393}[Electricity Crackling]
{20395}{20475}[Gasping]
{20511}{20558}[Grunting]
{21123}{21181}[Grunting, Panting]
{21182}{21241}[Phone Ringing]
{21243}{21297}[On Answering Machine]|Hey, Deuce, it's Antoine.
{21298}{21371}I just realized|I don't know you that well.
{21373}{21420}To be honest,|it's freaking me out a little.
{21421}{21487}You just make sure you keep|my apartment clean or you will die.
{21489}{21535}- Bye-bye.|- [Answering Machine Beeps]
{21679}{21742}Oh! Oh!
{22317}{22363}Aah!
{22912}{23016}- Six thousand dollars?|- I know. It sucks.
{23017}{23100}Neil, where am I going|to get $6,000 in three weeks?
{23101}{23189}I don't know your budget.|You may not want to...
{23191}{23257}blow your whole wad|on this tank.
{23294}{23345}I would.
{23347}{23415}- Can I pay in installments?|- No.
{23417}{23505}I'm up to my bicep in it,|if you know what I mean.
{23507}{23602}I'm not trying to flip you over|and do you dry here.
{23604}{23672}Look, squat on it|for a night...
{23673}{23720}and let me know.
{24251}{24300}[Ringing]
{24361}{24424}- What? Hello?|- [Woman] Hi.
{24426}{24487}I've been staring|at your number for hours.
{24489}{24539}I got it|from a friend.
{24541}{24624}Um, I'm not really|supposed to use this phone.
{24626}{24673}Why don't you|come over?
{24674}{24744}My address is|1235 Radford Way.
{24745}{24810}Actually, I've-I've|got a lot of work...
{24812}{24881}to do here... still.
{24882}{24929}I'm naked.
{24955}{25017}% Call me|on the line %
{25019}{25115}% Call me, call me|any, any time %
{25117}{25177}% Call me %
{25181}{25239}% [Romantic]
{25311}{25425}Now, there's my little|German tourist.
{25453}{25521}Is this it?|Is this the whole outfit?
{25523}{25572}It's perfect.
{25798}{25849}"Guten Abend,|Herr Fraulein."
{25851}{25948}Yes. Use the map.|Use the map.
{26102}{26198}"Vohrest der|Statue of Liberty?"
{26200}{26283}You should've stuck|with the tour, Heinz.
{26285}{26341}Now you'll have|to pay the penalty.
{26374}{26465}It's-It's n-no problem.|I'll just, um--
{26467}{26542}Let me slip on|a few of these babies.
{26643}{26696}[Loud Roar]
{26697}{26785}- What was that?|- I didn't hear anything.
{26787}{26836}Now come here,
{26838}{26909}you naughty little|sightseer.
{26910}{26957}[Groans]
{26958}{27021}- [Roaring]|- [Thud]
{27023}{27086}Wait a second.|I definitely heard something.
{27088}{27155}Oh, that's just Wolfy.|He's been in there a while.
{27157}{27222}Now you concentrate|and stay in character.
{27224}{27313}- [Roaring]|- Wolfy, settle down!
{27315}{27396}Now you just focus on your|little wiener schnitzel.
{27438}{27502}-[Snarling]|- I gotta get out of here.
{27504}{27554}Don't worry. He never|gets all the way through.
{27581}{27636}- Maybe you better go.|-[Barking]
{27710}{27772}Wolfy, you've gotta stop|doing this to Mommy's friends.
{27774}{27839}Yes, he does.|Yes, he does.
{27841}{27899}He'll be all right for a while.|Here, this is for you.
{27901}{27960}It's all I could grab.
{27961}{28021}- Did I bring you pleasure?|- Not really.
{28023}{28105}- You better haul ass.|-[Wolfy Crashes Against Door, Whines]
{28107}{28165}[Barking Continues]
{28452}{28498}Ten dollars?
{28556}{28602}Yeah!
{28697}{28747}% [Disco]
{28813}{28903}% [Man Rapping Over Lyrics,|Indistinct]
{29141}{29188}[Man] A martini|and two olives.
{29213}{29260}Martini.|Two olives.
{29261}{29347}Any ladies need|some entertainment tonight?
{29589}{29636}Eight-fifty.
{29729}{29800}- Eight dollars?|- And fifty cents.
{29843}{29901}Well, how much just for|a plain cranberry juice?
{29902}{29976}- Uh, three dollars.|- I'll go for that.
{30104}{30179}There you go.|That's eleven-fifty.
{30209}{30263}Uh, no, no. Perhaps|you misunderstood me.
{30265}{30342}I wish to cancel my original order|of the martini and two olives...
{30344}{30438}and go for just the plain cranberry|Juice by itself for the three dollars.
{30440}{30511}And I apologize for any inconvenience|this may have caused you.
{30513}{30564}Uh, perhaps|you don't understand.
{30565}{30669}If you don't pay me now,|I'm gonna take this swizzle stick...
{30671}{30740}and, uh, I'll be shovin' that|right up your pee hole.
{30791}{30863}- So that was eleven-fifty, right?|- Right.
{30865}{30927}Okay,|there's ten...
{30929}{30996}and six quarters, and--
{30997}{31067}Tell you what.|I'll go work on your tip.
{31104}{31178}[Speaking French]
{31252}{31316}I couldn't help|overhearing your Spanish.
{31318}{31409}- It's French.|- Ah. Oui.
{31411}{31488}French. Nice people.|May I?
{31489}{31549}- No--|- [Flatulent Sound]
{31586}{31673}Ooh. [Chuckles]|Excuzes-moi. These leather seats.
{31675}{31756}Would you like a martini|or cranberry juice?
{31757}{31836}- No.|- Kind of celebrating tonight.
{31905}{31952}Possible career change.
{31953}{32013}Mmm.
{32014}{32077}I'm pretty excited|about it.
{32079}{32132}You wanna get out of here?
{32225}{32291}Okay. I'm sorry.
{32293}{32364}I mean, together.
{32429}{32480}[Gulps]
{32620}{32667}What happened|to the carpet?
{32669}{32766}Oh, it's one of those|18th century wet rugs.
{32973}{33048}Well, that's|certainly appreciated.
{33082}{33133}Hey, whoa.
{33135}{33194}Maybe we should take care|of a little business first.
{33196}{33259}If you prefer.
{33261}{33353}I don't have a set price or anything,|but I have been getting ten dollars.
{33389}{33457}- I'm sorry?|- Well, that's my going rate.
{33458}{33527}But I'm willing|to negotiate.
{33529}{33644}[Chuckles] That's funny.|But the price is 500.
{33645}{33717}You're gonna pay me $500?
{33718}{33828}No, honey. You pay me.
{33830}{33926}Oh, I get it.|This is some kind of role reversal.
{33928}{33974}I'll play along|with this.
{33976}{34051}Okay, 300, 400, 500.|You're my hooker.
{34053}{34116}No, seriously,|where's my ten dollars?
{34117}{34201}Look, asshole. I didn't come|all the way down here for nothing.
{34203}{34286}Now give me my $500!
{34288}{34355}You give me ten dollars!
{34357}{34425}Five hundred, now!
{34426}{34473}[Groaning]
{34474}{34553}You pay me ten dollars.
{34577}{34641}Nice.|Ooh!
{34901}{34948}Is that all you got?
{35291}{35349}Ten dollars.
{35687}{35736}No! Please don't!
{35737}{35809}Five hundred dollars...|or the fish gets it.
{35810}{35866}Let's talk about this.
{36058}{36128}- Why do you have a picture of Antoine?|- Well, this is his place.
{36129}{36193}I'm watching his fish|for him.
{36297}{36372}Please, don't tell him|about the shoes, huh?
{36444}{36516}-[Door Shuts]|- [Sighs]
{36756}{36826}[Door Slams]
{36871}{36945}- Can I help you?|- Oh, my God.
{36971}{37029}I'm lookin' at a dead man.
{37031}{37118}You know, Claire told me|that Antoine's place was messed up,
{37120}{37186}but I had no idea.
{37188}{37260}- Claire?|- The hooker you ass-punched.
{37261}{37318}That was a misunderstanding.
{37320}{37430}And I intend to have everything|fixed by the time Antoine gets back.
{37432}{37513}I'm just-- I'm just a little|strapped for cash right now.
{37515}{37579}Maybe there's somethin'|we could work out.
{37581}{37649}Claire mentioned|that you dabble in harlotry.
{37650}{37705}- I'm sorry?|- You a man-whore.
{37707}{37769}-Well, I tried that for a couple hours--|-See this ring?
{37771}{37817}Topaz.|That's my mother's birthstone.
{37819}{37865}Got that from man-whorin'.
{37866}{37928}See this key chain?|That's right.
{37929}{38001}Mini yo-yo. Know where I got|the money for that?
{38002}{38045}- Man-whoring?|- Stock market.
{38046}{38117}But I got the money for the stock market|from man-whorin'...
{38118}{38200}and representin'|man-whores like yourself.
{38201}{38257}So...|you're a pimp?
{38259}{38324}T.J. don't consider himself|no pimp.
{38325}{38388}More of a male madam.
{38429}{38488}That wasn't|too well thought out.
{38489}{38544}[TJ.] Look at this proud fish.
{38545}{38602}It's like a coyote--|king of the jungle.
{38604}{38700}It's like Antoine.|He don't need no pimp.
{38701}{38772}Then look at this|mid-level fish here.
{38773}{38844}Works hotels, conventions,|senior centers.
{38845}{38946}I represent several man-whores|at this level of the game.
{38948}{38997}Now look at|this little fella,
{38999}{39092}at the bottom, tryin' to|get busy with the scuba man.
{39093}{39194}You know, if you work hard|and listen to me,
{39196}{39242}this could be you.
{39244}{39289}Well, thanks,
{39291}{39364}but I already have|a job.
{39366}{39413}I clean fish tanks.
{39414}{39502}- You gon' make $150|cleanin' fish tanks?|- $150?
{39504}{39562}Yeah. Fish ain't|gon' pay for all this.
{39630}{39689}I don't know.
{39690}{39750}You know, Antoine's|got a bad temper.
{39752}{39834}I remember once|I dropped a cigar ash on his rug.
{39836}{39918}He made me pick it up|with my anus.
{39964}{40042}Well, maybe I could do|a couple jobs,
{40044}{40112}Just to get this place|fixed up.
{40406}{40465}We got a lot of work|to do.
{40680}{40741}% I believe in miracles %
{40773}{40822}% Where you from %
{40824}{40880}- % You sexy thing %|- % Sexy thing, you %
{40881}{40930}% I believe in miracles %
{40932}{40984}Aaaaah!
{40985}{41038}% Since you came along %
{41040}{41073}% You sexy thing %
{41153}{41233}Aaaaaah!|[Groans]
{41626}{41673}- [Tape Rips]|- Yeeeee-aaaaah!
{41674}{41765}[Scream Continues, Reverberates]
{41766}{41828}You a man-whore now.
{41830}{41877}I'm so proud.
{41878}{41925}Thanks, T.J.
{41926}{41997}Now remember,|it's a business.
{41998}{42069}Never, ever fall in love.
{42245}{42317}[Car Starts, Races Away]
{42321}{42378}[Buzzer Lock Sounds]
{42620}{42678}[Low, Masculine Voice]|I'm upstairs!
{43100}{43156}Okay, Deuce,
{43157}{43204}don't fall in love.
{43486}{43528}I know what you're thinkin'.
{43569}{43674}You're thinkin' those are|the biggest boobies you've ever seen.
{43676}{43722}Can I please|use your phone?
{43724}{43770}I'm not your average woman.
{43772}{43818}I like sex,
{43820}{43890}and I'm not afraid to adm--|[Wet Coughing]
{43960}{44016}Excuse me.|I just had pudding an hour ago.
{44017}{44126}- Dear God.|- You ever parked your bicycle|in an airplane hangar?
{44128}{44260}- I'm sorry?|- You ever thrown a toothpick|into a volcano?
{44261}{44329}- What?|- Oh, nothing.
{44331}{44393}Just making idle chitchat.
{44395}{44474}- Are you comfortable?|- Actually, no.
{44476}{44550}Ooh, I'm sweatin'.
{44552}{44598}You're gettin' me all hot.
{44626}{44665}You don't like my hair,|do you?
{44667}{44737}- I think there's been a mistake.|- Did you say steak?
{44738}{44808}- No, mistake.|- Oh, see, now you got me all excited.
{44809}{44856}Look, I'm gay.
{44857}{44909}Well, how gay are you?
{44911}{44989}Very, very gay. You must have dialed|the Very Gay Escort Service.
{44991}{45037}Oh, shit.
{45039}{45142}See, sometimes my fingers swell up|and I can't cleanly hit the numbers.
{45144}{45234}- They should make a phone|for full-figured girls.|- They should.
{45236}{45320}So, what do we do?
{45408}{45506}[Woman] Oh, yeah.|Oh, yeah!
{45508}{45586}Cakes and pies. Cakes and pies.|[Giggling]
{45588}{45658}Okay, which pie|has the most sugar?
{45660}{45718}- Peach cobbler.|- [Sighs] You win again.
{45720}{45766}That's four games to one.
{45768}{45840}Well, fast food trivia|is my game, honey.
{45904}{45998}I must tell you, nobody|has ever pleasured Jabba the Slut.
{46000}{46105}Deucey, you have a way of satisfying|a woman that would sicken a normal man.
{46106}{46154}I can't do this anymore.
{46156}{46213}You must have|a magical "man-gina".
{46215}{46264}- Huh?|- "Man-gina"
{46265}{46386}It's a professional term we man-whores|use to describe our... he-pussy.
{46388}{46440}I'm not one|of your man-whores.
{46441}{46477}Okay? I quit.
{46479}{46537}You ungrateful he-bitch.
{46539}{46616}How 'bout I get Antoine on the phone|in Switzerland and tell him...
{46618}{46665}how you redecorated|his poon palace.
{46666}{46749}I'm not|an ungrateful he-bitch.
{46750}{46809}Just give me a minute|to think here.
{47129}{47176}[Urinal Flushes]
{47424}{47470}Thanks.
{47472}{47541}- How's it going?|- Pretty good.
{47542}{47616}- Hey, Dad, let me ask you a question.|- And what's that, son?
{47617}{47700}Do you think it's wrong for a man|to accept money from a woman...
{47701}{47761}to, you know,|show her a good time?
{47762}{47814}I was just thinking about that|this morning.
{47816}{47913}The idea of a man-whore|is a relatively new idea.
{47970}{48020}- Cologne?|- No, thanks.
{48022}{48077}[Loud Fart]
{48079}{48161}These women are looking for something|more than just sex. They want romance.
{48162}{48216}- What do you mean?|- [Loud Fart]
{48217}{48317}Well, it was like when I met|your mom, God rest her soul.
{48319}{48389}I didn't have so much|as a toilet to clean.
{48391}{48485}Still, I wasn't going to pay her|a dime for sex, no matter|what she was charging.
{48487}{48530}- What?|- [Loud Fart]
{48532}{48610}Your mom could've had any man|she wanted in that strip club,
{48612}{48717}and this being my first time in Bangkok,|I was looking for a good time myself.
{48719}{48773}- You met Mom where?|- It's not important.|- [Loud Fart]
{48775}{48838}The thing is,|she saw something in me...
{48840}{48900}beyond the 200 baht--
{48902}{48948}a man with an eye|for adventure...
{48949}{49000}who wasn't afraid|to risk it all.
{49001}{49048}Dad, are you saying that--
{49049}{49144}[Grunting, Shit Splattering|Into Toilet]
{49145}{49225}So we took all her|one-dollar bills off the stage,
{49227}{49273}said good-bye|to that donkey...
{49275}{49370}and two days later|we were man and wife.
{49372}{49430}And we were happily married|a long time.
{49432}{49532}So, do you think I should be|more of a risk-taker?
{49534}{49582}- [Toilet Flushing]|- Worked for me.
{49584}{49632}Thanks, Pops.
{49633}{49680}[Toilet Continues Flushing]
{49731}{49789}Well, son,
{49791}{49861}looks like I've got|some work to do.
{49973}{50020}You got yourself|a man-whore.
{50021}{50068}Hah!|[Chuckling]
{50069}{50110}My man!
{50409}{50477}- Is-- Is Tina here?|- Yes.
{50478}{50541}I'm Deuce Bigalow,|your date.
{50543}{50592}I'll get my things.
{50725}{50780}I love this place.
{50781}{50836}- Where you from again?|- Norway.
{50837}{50908}-[Man #1] Freak!|- I hear great things about it.
{50909}{50989}-[Man #2] Holyshit, it's Bigfoot!|- So, how'd you end up here?
{50991}{51061}I had a pituitary gland procedure|at U.C.L.A. Medical Center...
{51063}{51133}and fell in love|with the people here.
{51134}{51181}[Man #3] Hey, keep it in the circus!
{51182}{51277}This place has gone way downhill.|What do you say we go somewhere else?
{51278}{51325}[Man #4] That's a huge bitch!
{51360}{51426}I'm sorry about|what those people said.
{51428}{51486}You should be able to go|on all the rides.
{51488}{51544}[Cup Slams On Table]
{51545}{51596}I had a really great time,
{51597}{51646}but I should go--|[Groans]
{51648}{51692}Easy. Easy!
{51693}{51734}Hey, easy!
{51736}{51790}[Grunts]|Wait! Wait!
{51792}{51840}Aah! Wait, wait!
{51841}{51921}I know what we could do!|I got it!
{51923}{52024}Give me a second to think here!|Wait! Whoa!
{52026}{52136}[Tina Moaning]|Oh, yes. Ohh!
{52137}{52198}Mmmm. Ohh.
{52200}{52278}[Moaning Continues]
{52355}{52401}Oh, God!
{52403}{52497}Oh, no one has ever|touched my feet before.
{52499}{52557}Wow!|Oooh!
{52559}{52608}[Moaning Continues]
{52833}{52879}Deuce Bigalow?
{52881}{52925}Detective Fowler,|L.A.P.D.
{52927}{53020}I want to ask you a few questions|about Antoine Laconte,
{53021}{53108}known gigolo,|male prostitute.
{53110}{53181}I'm just taking care|of his fish.
{53182}{53226}I'll bet you are.
{53228}{53273}You make me sick.
{53275}{53391}You're gonna tell me|that gigantic woman didn't just|pay you to have sex with her?
{53393}{53456}- No!|- Let me tell you something, mister.
{53458}{53560}I can sleep at night because I make|a decent, God-fearing, honest living.
{53561}{53631}I'm sure you do,|but there's nothing I can tell you.
{53633}{53677}Oh, I think there is.
{53679}{53724}What do you think|of this?
{53725}{53797}- You think I can get anything|for it? You know, money?|- I don't know!
{53798}{53889}- Yeah, you think|I'm a loser, don't you?|- No, I don't.
{53890}{53997}Well, maybe I am a loser, but I'm|a loser who can bust your ass.
{53998}{54084}You tell Antoine|I'm gonna nail him.
{54174}{54213}[Zipper Zips]
{54492}{54538}- [Rings]|- [Woman] Hello.
{54540}{54604}- Is this Ruth?|- Yeah. I'll be right down--
{54605}{54663}Goddamn it!
{54665}{54712}- Nice day, huh?|- Yeah.
{54714}{54761}Shove it up your ass!
{54762}{54812}- [Tires Screeching]|- [Horn Honking]
{54877}{54931}Geez, you okay?
{54933}{55005}I'm sorry.|I have Tourette's syndrome.
{55007}{55091}It causes me to have|these uncontrollable outbursts.
{55093}{55153}- It's not so bad.|- Yeah, it's okay.
{55155}{55201}I mean,|you get used to it.
{55203}{55259}Ball sweat!|Anus!
{55261}{55307}Anus licker!|[Gagging Noise]
{55336}{55385}You know,|there are some places...
{55387}{55433}I can't g-g-go--
{55435}{55487}Nipple biter!|Naah-naah-naah-naah-nyiii!
{55521}{55591}What are you talkin' about?|I barely notice it.
{55593}{55644}[Giggles]|Scrotum!
{55646}{55703}Sperm!|Sperm face!
{55731}{55792}I just can't go near|places like churches--
{55794}{55832}Ha ha!|Vulva!
{55834}{55921}elementary schools--|Jizz! Jizz trap!
{55923}{55969}Pretty much anywhere.
{55971}{56029}Ehh-- Fart!|Dildo!
{56031}{56061}Big-- Big, big titties!
{56087}{56163}Shit! Shit whore!
{56165}{56267}Let's put the top up.|I'll put on the air conditioning.
{56339}{56400}You probably want|to take me home, don't you?
{56401}{56448}No.
{56485}{56532}Hey, I got an idea.
{56567}{56643}% [Organ: Charge]
{56645}{56707}I'm nervous.|There's a lot of people here.
{56709}{56755}- Don't worry--|- Crap muncher!
{56757}{56803}[Man Mutters] "Crap muncher"?
{56805}{56867}I know!|He was definitely safe!
{56869}{56952}- What do you think|about the other team?|- Assholes!
{56953}{57012}Right.|And their pitcher--
{57013}{57084}I mean, stop stalling|and throw it already.
{57085}{57139}Ball hair!|Ball hair!
{57141}{57195}Yeah,|ball hair!
{57197}{57271}What we need|is a strike hair.
{57273}{57340}That other team is a bunch of|high-priced babies!
{57341}{57388}- Whores!|- Yeah! You tell 'em, baby!
{57389}{57513}[Crowd Cheering]
{57515}{57565}- [Crowd Booing]|- They called him out?
{57567}{57629}- Scrotum licker!|- Yeah!
{57631}{57689}Piss face!|Piss face! Piss face!
{57690}{57809}[All Chanting] Piss face!|Piss face! Piss face! Piss face!
{57810}{57876}Piss face! Piss face!|Piss face!
{57927}{58017}Deucey, you the best he-bitch|in my man-stable.
{58019}{58101}If I had two more man-ginas like you,|I'd be a millionaire.
{58103}{58161}T.J., I think|I'm gonna get out.
{58162}{58209}Sit down.
{58210}{58323}- This next date is what|we man-pimps call a doozy.|- What's wrong with this one?
{58325}{58368}- Nothin'.|- Have you seen her?
{58369}{58427}What is she, 80?|A hunchback?
{58429}{58548}She just got out of college.|Her girlfriends pitched in|to get her a little beefcake.
{58550}{58631}- She thinks it's a blind date.|- It's a guy, isn't it?
{58665}{58752}I don't think so,|but I have been fooled before.
{59297}{59343}You must be Kate.
{59345}{59391}Excuse me.|Waiter.
{59393}{59481}Uh, yeah, sorry.|We're busy tonight.
{59533}{59579}- All right, number four?|- Yes, thank you.
{59673}{59735}- I'm Kate.|- Are you sure?
{59737}{59785}I think so.
{59787}{59845}I'm sorry.|You're just not what I expected.
{59871}{59936}- Really.|- No, no.
{59938}{60014}I-I mean, in a good way.
{60016}{60109}They didn't say|you were so... perfect.
{60111}{60160}[Laughs]|"Perfect"
{60190}{60261}Sally and Megan didn't tell me|a lot about you.
{60262}{60333}Who?
{60335}{60381}Oh, right, uh--
{60383}{60475}Well, I clean tanks... ers.|Tankers.
{60503}{60561}I'm sorry.|I'm still kinda shocked.
{60563}{60629}I mean, you're--|you're really normal.
{60657}{60703}Thank you.
{60705}{60768}My last couple of dates|have been horrible.
{60770}{60870}- You get fixed up|on a lot of blind dates?|- Only recently.
{60896}{60984}- How about you?|- This is my first.
{60986}{61068}- I hope this place is okay.|- Are you kidding? It's terrific.
{61127}{61172}[Gasps]|Oh, God.
{61173}{61247}- Are you okay?|- Is this one of those--
{61249}{61300}It's a sushi bar.
{61301}{61353}-Are you allergic?|- You could say that.
{61355}{61427}[Exhales] That's a dog-faced|puffer fish over there.
{61429}{61521}He's not even fully matured yet.|He's a teenager, for crying out loud!
{61522}{61588}[Speaking Japanese]
{61590}{61651}Can I ask you|to stop that, please?
{61653}{61685}Hai.
{61758}{61858}I don't see how it could|possibly be pleasurable for a woman.
{61860}{61929}I just don't think|it's natural.
{61930}{61985}You're not supposed to|go up there.
{61986}{62057}To tell you the truth,|I don't know how men do it either.
{62058}{62136}You're not curious|Just to try something new?
{62138}{62209}I'm just not into it.
{62210}{62293}- So space exploration|is definitely out for you.|- Definitely.
{62294}{62365}I mean, more power to any woman|who wants to be an astronaut.
{62366}{62413}I just wouldn't do it.
{62414}{62485}Frankly, I'd rather|take it up the butt.
{62574}{62645}So you think|this is a good spot?
{62673}{62720}Perfect.
{62779}{62825}- Life's funny, huh?|- Mmm.
{62827}{62873}Some pretty close calls.
{62907}{62977}Wonder if he knew|how close he came to the end.
{62979}{63037}Oh, he knew.
{63039}{63125}I bet he never thought he'd be held|by such a lovely woman.
{63127}{63173}Deuce.
{63175}{63273}You're embarrassing me|in front ofour new friend.
{63518}{63584}That was a really nice thing|you did tonight.
{63622}{63693}Too bad it's a freshwater fish.
{63694}{63759}[Laughs]|I-I'm kidding.
{63761}{63807}I'm just joking.
{63851}{63896}-% Takes some time %|-[Door Unlocks]
{63897}{63964}% For our feelings to grow %
{63966}{64052}-% Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh %|- Good night.
{64053}{64104}-% You're so close now %|- Good night.
{64105}{64191}% I can't let you go %
{64193}{64252}% Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh %
{64254}{64360}% And I can't let go %
{64361}{64456}% With you I'm not shy %
{64458}{64513}% To show the way I feel %
{64515}{64572}% With you I might try %
{64606}{64664}You've had yourself|an interesting little evening.
{64665}{64753}Just taking care of his fish, huh?|She looks like a nice catch.
{64755}{64836}- It was a first date.|- Listen up, man-whore.
{64837}{64884}I oughta bust you|right now.
{64885}{64968}- We just had sushi.|- "Sushi"? Is that what they|call it nowadays?
{64969}{65032}I'm hip to your|man-whore slang.
{65034}{65156}All right, fine, why don't I just go|have a chat with your spicy tuna roll.
{65157}{65193}No, don't!
{65227}{65295}All right.|Okay, Deuce.
{65297}{65344}No problem, baby.|Relax.
{65345}{65428}Maybe I'll even let this one|slide for some information.
{65429}{65485}Like Antoine's black book.
{65487}{65561}- You know, the one|with his list of clients.|- I don't know anything about it.
{65563}{65617}Oh, yeah?|You know anything about this?
{65643}{65697}Look.|See that red spot?
{65699}{65779}That wasn't there this morning.|You know what it is?
{65781}{65861}Maybe it's a rash, something you got|from jogging. How the hell do I know?
{65863}{65933}Get it away from me.
{65935}{65981}Maybe you're right.
{65983}{66039}You got three days,|Bigalow.
{66041}{66087}[Zipper Zips]
{66229}{66309}T.J., I really like this girl.
{66310}{66415}Deucey, don't be falling in love with no|she-john. You're in it for the money.
{66417}{66497}Antoine'll be back soon.|Apartment ain't gonna pay to fix itself.
{66499}{66545}I know.
{66547}{66639}- Hey, there's been|this detective following me.|- Goddamn it, white boy!
{66641}{66717}- You didn't tell him|nothin' about me, did ya?|- No, but what should I do?
{66757}{66828}- About what?|- About the cop.
{66829}{66887}Would you stop mentioning|the damn cops!
{66889}{66959}Don't make me|he-bitch man-slap you.
{67112}{67168}[Doorbell Rings]
{67218}{67301}Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow,|your man-whore for this evening.
{67303}{67355}Hi, I'm Carol--
{67357}{67427}- [Thud]|- [Snoring]
{67429}{67492}I have narcolepsy.|It's a sleeping disorder.
{67493}{67536}It isn't|the worst thing.
{67537}{67620}I'm just not allowed to fly|in a plane or drive a car...
{67622}{67669}or work in a gun range.
{67670}{67732}- [Chuckles] Yeah.|- [Giggles]
{67905}{67948}[Snoring]
{68163}{68209}This is such a treat.
{68211}{68305}I've always wanted to try soup,|but there's the fear of drowning.
{68307}{68353}[Snoring]
{68537}{68583}I really had fun.
{68585}{68660}- Are you gonna be okay?|- I'll be fine.
{68661}{68708}- You sure?|- Yeah.
{68709}{68764}Good night.
{68799}{68869}[Thudding Down Stairs]
{69317}{69420}% I can't get enough|of you, baby %
{69422}{69484}% I can't get enough|of you, baby %
{69485}{69544}% Yes, it's true %
{69578}{69640}% Yes, it's true %
{69699}{69780}% Whenever we kiss|I get to feelin'like this %
{69781}{69876}% I get to wishin'|that there were two of you %
{69878}{69927}-% [Continues]|- Come on. You can dance.
{69929}{70036}% Come on, baby|It feels so nice %
{70038}{70089}% I want your arms to %
{70091}{70185}% Wrap around me twice %
{70254}{70353}% I can't get enough|of you, baby %
{70355}{70425}% I can't get enough|of you, baby %
{70427}{70457}% Right or wrong %
{70515}{70561}% Hey, right or wrong %
{70738}{70824}-% I can't get enough of you, baby %|- Oh, Deuce.
{70826}{70894}- You look great.|- Thanks.
{70896}{70936}I want you|to meet my roommate.
{70938}{70981}Who's there?|Kate?
{70983}{71066}- I hear someone.|- It's just me and my friend.
{71068}{71131}Are you sure?|I hear three people.
{71133}{71180}You're the third person.
{71182}{71229}Oh.|Oh, okay.
{71231}{71313}[Whispering] She's newly blind.|She's still getting adjusted.
{71314}{71397}Bergita, this is Deuce.
{71399}{71452}I think there's something|wrong with Cassie.
{71453}{71513}Oh, honey.
{71515}{71557}This isn't Cassie.
{71559}{71607}Here she is.
{71609}{71655}[Meow]
{71657}{71709}Oh, there you are.
{71711}{71772}- It's nice to meet you.|- Hi.
{71817}{71928}Once you try it for the first time,|you're pretty happy with the results.
{71929}{72000}I've never met a hair transplant|technician before.
{72169}{72269}Oh, man, I forgot.|It's my dad's birthday.
{72271}{72329}- Let's go see him.|- He's working.
{72330}{72377}So?|What does he do?
{72406}{72501}He's in|the restaurant industry.
{72556}{72640}Kate, I'd like you|to meet my dad, Bob Bigalow.
{72641}{72697}Bob, Kate.
{72699}{72745}Hi.
{72747}{72793}Son, I'm very proud of you.
{72795}{72865}She is|a lovely young lady.
{72867}{72925}[Chuckles]|Thank you.
{72927}{72997}It's so nice to meet you.|Happy birthday.
{72999}{73061}- Thank you.|- Well, we should probably be going.
{73063}{73119}Deuce.
{73121}{73189}Dad probably has a lot|of paperwork to do, and--
{73191}{73255}No, the paper's|completely stocked.
{73257}{73369}I've got plenty of time|to get acquainted with the woman|who's made my boy so happy.
{73371}{73431}We got you a cake.
{73433}{73479}Deuce said it's your favorite.
{73481}{73573}- We had to go to|a Filipino bakery to get it.|- You didn't.
{73599}{73645}You did!
{73647}{73700}Raspberry bibingka.
{73701}{73748}Ah, you shouldn't have.
{73749}{73812}My wife,|God rest her soul,
{73813}{73865}use to make this|all the time.
{73867}{73913}You would've liked her.
{73915}{73961}Bangkok Betty.
{73997}{74092}She had the most amazing mouth.|It paid for our honeymoon.
{74129}{74167}We should probably|be going.
{74169}{74239}Deuce, it's your dad's birthday.
{74305}{74404}Hi. Bob, we have an overflowing toilet|in the ladies' bathroom.
{74406}{74477}There is shit everywhere.|It's a real mess.
{74478}{74573}- You think you could|take care of that for me?|- No worries, Vic. Right on it.
{74574}{74645}- I'd like you to meet|my son's girlfriend Kate.|- Kate, nice to meet you.
{74646}{74684}- You, too.|- Hi, Deuce.
{74686}{74743}So could you|get in there, Bob?
{74745}{74845}I got a party of ten coming in,|and I am up to my ankles in human crap.
{74847}{74900}It's a real stinkfest|back there.
{74902}{74949}Sure.
{74950}{75013}Looks like I'd better|get back to work.
{75015}{75076}It's a pleasure|meeting you, dear.
{75077}{75149}Warms my heart|Just being in your presence.
{75150}{75211}Thank you.
{75213}{75259}See you, son.
{75352}{75446}See, my dad's one of those guys,|he likes to be involved|in every facet of the business.
{75448}{75543}- It's okay.|- No problem to small or big.|They come to him for everything.
{75545}{75613}Deuce, it's all right.
{75652}{75731}It's not his restaurant.
{75733}{75805}My dad's not even a waiter.
{75807}{75889}He's the men's room attendant.|I'm sorry.
{75890}{75949}Don't be silly.
{75980}{76035}You know|what my dad does?
{76037}{76093}He's an aeronautical|engineer.
{76236}{76296}[Water Sloshing]
{76362}{76409}Bob?
{76494}{76541}[Chuckles]
{76542}{76612}Wanna blow out|your candle?
{76656}{76713}[Chuckles]
{76856}{76911}Mmm, now that's|good bibingka.
{77115}{77184}I had a really|nice time tonight.
{77185}{77247}I find that|hard to believe.
{77324}{77391}I've never met|anyone like you.
{77393}{77455}Good.
{77484}{77530}I have to see you|again.
{77588}{77670}When we go inside, try to be quiet|so we don't wake up Bergita.
{77737}{77827}% With you I'm not shy %
{77829}{77908}% To show the way I feel %
{77909}{77979}% With you I might try %
{77981}{78056}% My secrets to reveal %
{78058}{78135}% For you are a magnet %
{78137}{78232}% And I am steel %
{78234}{78281}Why don't I get|the light?
{78329}{78389}Hang on. I'll be right back.|Be right back.
{78469}{78524}[Meows]
{78525}{78573}% Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh %
{78633}{78676}You are good.
{78924}{78981}- Hi.|- Hi.
{79046}{79093}Are you all right?
{79094}{79168}I need you to be|okay with something.
{79170}{79229}What? I'm okay|with everything.
{79230}{79280}Deuce.
{79281}{79348}There may be things|about me that you don't like.
{79350}{79419}I like everything|about you.
{79421}{79518}I mean, physically.
{79520}{79602}So you're taller than me.|Big deal. I'll get over it.
{79604}{79666}It's not that.
{79668}{79714}What?
{79716}{79804}If you were to find out|something about me...
{79806}{79880}and my body that was|maybe a little different...
{79881}{79942}than what you were used to,|would that be okay?
{79944}{80041}There could be nothing|on your body that I wouldn't like.
{80043}{80092}What are you|talking about?
{80132}{80235}What do you got, like, six toes|or something? I can live with that.
{80237}{80292}Deuce, I have to tell you,
{80293}{80349}- I have a--|- Shh.
{80934}{80981}[Giggles]
{81120}{81192}[Gasps]|Oh, my God. I'm sorry!
{81193}{81280}- I tried to tell you.|- No, it's my fault.
{81281}{81348}I shouldn't have|pulled it so hard.
{81349}{81398}If you want to leave,|I completely understand.
{81400}{81467}I don't want to leave.|I'm sorry I had that reaction.
{81469}{81530}I just-- I got a lot of things|going on in my life recently,
{81532}{81581}and they all sort of culminated|when your leg fell off--
{81583}{81631}came off--|disconnected--
{81633}{81697}- Just get out!|- Oh, my God!
{81699}{81743}Please leave.
{81804}{81889}Kate!|I'm sorry!
{81891}{81945}[Sobbing]|Just go home.
{81947}{82003}Don't I have|a say in this?
{82005}{82051}Hand me my leg.
{82053}{82121}- Then will you come out and talk?|- I don't know.
{82239}{82285}[Click]
{82318}{82369}Are you sure|you want to stay?
{82371}{82462}Yes, but only if|you come out of there.
{82493}{82588}I need to know how you feel|about all this.
{82590}{82664}The same as I did|an hour ago,
{82665}{82744}when I thought to myself,|"I'm the luckiest guy in the world...
{82746}{82806}to be with her leg--|with you."
{82963}{83012}[Squeaking]
{83470}{83539}Ow-w-w!
{83565}{83631}Is this normal?|My face is numb.
{83633}{83706}It's perfectly normal|in hair replacement surgery.
{83708}{83783}The local anesthetic has numbed|the major nerves in your face,
{83785}{83832}Just like at the dentist.
{83834}{83918}-[Pounding]|- Ow-w-w-w!
{83920}{84028}You're Kate's best friends, and I know|your opinions mean a lot to her.
{84030}{84120}And... I'd like to get|really serious with her.
{84122}{84193}- You're a prostitute!|- Not anymore.
{84194}{84241}And it's "man-whore".
{84242}{84335}Anyway, I just quit.|I mean, Kate's the one for me.
{84337}{84388}Listen, you were only supposed to|go out with her one night,
{84390}{84443}show her a good time, and then|get the hell out of her life.
{84445}{84516}- You know she's not normal.|- She's not like other girls.
{84517}{84591}You know what her problem is?|Friends like you.
{84593}{84644}She's perfect.|She's kind,
{84645}{84734}she's sweet, she's funny,|and she likes me.
{84736}{84786}Now I came here|to give you your money back--
{84788}{84878}the money you paid a stranger|to have sex with your friend.
{84929}{85012}Hey! You stay away|from her, man-whore!
{85014}{85102}Hiya, Deuce. Your three days|are up, lover boy.
{85104}{85184}- So where's Antoine's black book?|- I've looked everywhere.
{85185}{85262}Listen, punk, you are aiding|and abetting a known criminal.
{85264}{85320}Do the initials T and J mean|anything to you?
{85321}{85380}Uh, turkey jizz?|I don't--
{85381}{85494}You better show some respect, or I'm|gonna rip that pleasure-giving|tongue out of your head!
{85496}{85544}- [Zipper Unzips]|- One more thing.
{85545}{85612}I was at the precinct, and I|really had to use the john,
{85614}{85666}and it's pretty filthy in there|and I was in kind of a hurry...
{85668}{85740}and I didn't have time to use one of|those, you know, paper ass gaskets.
{85741}{85833}I was doin' my business, and something|sort of splashed up on me, all over.
{85834}{85924}What do you do in situations like that?|You think I'll be all right?
{85925}{86009}- I think you're pretty safe.|- I better be!
{86137}{86211}- % [Funk]|-[TJ.] Ugly is not|a problem for this guy.
{86213}{86266}My man would stick his dick|in a he-monkey.
{86268}{86314}All right.|I'll catch you later.
{86358}{86418}What up, Deucey?
{86420}{86483}[Sighs] You should know,|that cop won't leave me alone.
{86485}{86554}- % [Off]|- What about the cop?
{86556}{86631}- He's been asking questions.|- Goddamn white boy.
{86633}{86694}Anyway, it doesn't matter|to me anymore. I'm quitting.
{86696}{86745}What about|Antoine's apartment?
{86747}{86819}I'm gonna get the rest of the money|the old-fashioned way.
{86821}{86867}You gonna steal it?
{86916}{86962}See ya, T.J.
{87149}{87216}I just quit!|I'm never doing it again!
{87217}{87318}- You lied to me!|- Listen, please.|It's not what you think.
{87320}{87384}You were paid|to go out with me!
{87461}{87526}[Sobbing]
{87528}{87585}- You want breakfast?|- Kate!
{87586}{87700}Please go away!|I don't want to see you again!
{87701}{87782}Me neither.
{87784}{87833}I'm sorry.
{87972}{88018}[Snarls]
{88068}{88150}% I feel sad|when you're sad %
{88152}{88226}% I feel glad|when you're glad %
{88228}{88333}% And if you only knew|what I'm goin' through %
{88335}{88396}% I just can't smile %
{88397}{88452}% With out you %
{88521}{88574}[Shattering]
{88576}{88664}% You came along|just like a song %
{88665}{88723}% And brightened my day %
{88725}{88796}% Who'd have believed|you were part of a dream %
{88797}{88908}% And now it all seems|a light year away %
{88909}{89043}% And you know|I can't smile with out you %
{89045}{89120}% I can't smile|without you %
{89121}{89209}% I can't laugh|I can't sing %
{89211}{89291}% I'm findin' it hard|to do anything %
{89341}{89420}I'm 1,500 short.|Isn't there anything else you can do?
{89421}{89507}Listen, I came all over the place--|down from six grand.
{89509}{89564}This is a custom|hand job.
{89565}{89641}- Let me pay you monthly.|- The last time I didn't|get the money up front,
{89643}{89702}- I got the big stiffie.|- [Rings]
{89764}{89833}- Hello?|- [Antoine] What the hell are|you doing picking up my phone?
{89834}{89944}- I found the coral you wanted.|- If you are doing anything I|disapprove of, I will kill you!
{89945}{90039}- Hola, senor. Noyo tengo.|No habla Ingles.|- [Antoine Chattering]
{90041}{90096}- Murder! I will kill you!|- Hasta luego.
{90132}{90214}[Rings, Beeps]
{90216}{90276}[On Answering Machine]|Hey, Antoine. It's Elaine.
{90278}{90325}I really need|to see you again.
{90326}{90384}Same price, same place?
{90421}{90486}I'll have the money.
{90488}{90572}Hi. Um, this isn't|Antoine,
{90573}{90620}but, uh, maybe we|can work something out.
{90748}{90802}Hi.
{91143}{91190}I'm Deuce.
{91616}{91680}- Stop.|- Why?
{91682}{91761}- You don't want to have sex.|- Yes, I do.
{91763}{91816}I think we both do.
{91897}{91956}Don't you find me|attractive?
{91957}{92056}Are you kidding? You're one of|the hottest women I've ever seen.
{92057}{92120}Easy, easy.
{92122}{92188}I just can't do this.
{92190}{92242}I'm head over heels|for a girl,
{92244}{92316}and we're going through a rough time,|me being a man-whore and all.
{92317}{92386}But I know it's gonna work out,|because I love her.
{92432}{92489}Well, she's a lucky girl.
{92515}{92564}At least emotionally.
{92565}{92637}My guy used|to be like that.
{92638}{92744}Hey.|Hang in there.
{92798}{92868}Things have a way|of working out.
{92984}{93051}Hey.|Where you goin'?
{93101}{93169}Well, I thought we talked|and you understood.
{93171}{93265}I understand. But the fact is,|I still paid for your services.
{93267}{93335}What did you have|in mind?
{93378}{93431}% ["Get Down Tonight"]
{93576}{93669}% Baby, let's get together %
{93670}{93744}% Honey, hon|me and you %
{93769}{93822}% And do the things|Ah %
{93824}{93883}% Do the things %
{93885}{93964}% That we like to do %
{93965}{94040}% Oh, do a little dance %
{94042}{94132}% Make a little love|Get down tonight %
{94133}{94186}% Get down tonight %
{94188}{94250}% Do a little dance %
{94252}{94348}% Make a little love|Get down tonight %
{94349}{94423}% Get down tonight, baby|Get down, get down %
{94425}{94476}% Get down, get down %
{94477}{94526}-% Get down tonight, baby %|- Aah!
{94528}{94598}% Woo, woo, woo, woo|woo, woo, woo, woo, woo %
{94600}{94676}% Get down, get down|get down, get down %
{94678}{94729}% Get down tonight, baby %
{95143}{95236}- I'm just exhausted.|- Oh, God, you were amazing.|Are you kidding?
{95280}{95338}[Elevator Doors Shut]
{95340}{95408}I just had to see|for myself.
{95515}{95569}Oof! Oh!
{95571}{95658}-[Groaning]|- Kate!
{95660}{95744}% I'm not in love %
{95746}{95804}% I'm not in love %
{96079}{96122}Ohh!
{96124}{96193}- What?|- How's Elaine?
{96195}{96256}You know, your wife.
{96294}{96338}Bastard!
{96340}{96385}This wasn't about|some black book.
{96386}{96438}Your wife was a customer|of Antoine's, wasn't she?
{96440}{96516}That son of a bitch is goin' down.|And you're gonna join him!
{96577}{96632}How's that gonna fix|your marriage?
{96722}{96789}Look, I lost someone|that I love too.
{96850}{96909}You know why|she did this?
{96910}{96990}You wanna know why|she went outside our marriage?
{96992}{97040}It's because|of my dick, man.
{97042}{97116}I mean, that's the reason.|It's my dick.
{97117}{97178}Take it easy.
{97180}{97261}You're saying your wife cheated on you|because your penis is too small?
{97262}{97378}It's not too small. It's too thin,|okay? My dick is too thin.
{97380}{97475}- I've got a thin dick!|- Can you keep it down?
{97477}{97540}- I'd like to come back here someday.|- Everybody knows...
{97541}{97605}that it's width, width that|gives sexual gratification.
{97607}{97682}I've read it.|Cosmo, Redbook, you name it.
{97684}{97789}What am I supposed to do? I've got|the thinnest penis in the world! Here.
{97790}{97866}- It's like a Twizzler. Look!|- No, no, stop that.
{97868}{97950}Sit down!|Sit!
{97952}{98033}It's not your dick.|It's you.
{98035}{98084}I'm telling you now,|if you painted it silver...
{98086}{98148}and twisted it on the end,|it'd look like a kickstand.
{98177}{98229}If man-whoring|has taught me anything,
{98231}{98300}it's that most women are as unhappy|with their entire body...
{98301}{98351}as you are|with your small penis.
{98353}{98405}- Thin penis.|- Whatever.
{98437}{98500}- While you're worried about your penis,|- Thin penis.
{98501}{98570}women are worried|about their height,
{98572}{98636}their weight,|their giant feet,
{98638}{98706}the stream of obscenities that could|burst through their mouth at any second.
{98708}{98789}If you make a woman|feel good about herself,
{98790}{98849}it really doesn't matter|what's wrong with you.
{98906}{98963}Even if it's|really, really thin?
{98965}{99017}We're talkin'|spaghetti stick.
{99076}{99122}Tell you what.
{99124}{99221}Every time you're feeling self-conscious|about your thin dick,
{99223}{99305}say something nice to make|your woman feel sexy.
{99336}{99424}I mean, is that it?|I mean, is that all there is?
{99473}{99532}There is|one other thing.
{99533}{99636}% Do a little dance|Make a little love %
{99638}{99688}% Get down tonight %
{99690}{99746}% Get down tonight %
{99748}{99843}% Do a little dance|Make a little love %
{99845}{99928}% Get down tonight|Get down tonight %
{99930}{99989}Uh, yes, sir.
{99990}{100085}Um, you're sure there isn't|anything you can do?
{100137}{100183}Yes, sir.|I understand.
{100362}{100467}Listen.|I really appreciate you helping me.
{100469}{100521}I guess|I misjudged you.
{100550}{100599}Anyway, I got you|off the hook.
{100601}{100658}Why am I still worried?
{100660}{100712}You got to give them T.J.
{100714}{100785}- I can't do that!|- You got no choice.
{100786}{100833}I've been workin'|on this case for three months.
{100835}{100923}- Boss says somebody's|got to be arrested.|- But T.J.'s my friend.
{100925}{100996}They're serious, Deuce.
{100998}{101074}Look, I don't like it,|but it's either you or him.
{101164}{101290}Your Honor, sex for money|is morally reprehensible.
{101292}{101412}Mr. Bigalow has compounded this crime|by refusing to name his he-pimp.
{101413}{101494}Therefore, we ask for|the maximum term...
{101496}{101565}for each of the five counts|of prostitution.
{101644}{101764}[Loud Thudding, Rumbling]
{101994}{102078}[Burps, Sighs]
{102105}{102150}Excuse me.
{102485}{102564}We never had sex.
{102565}{102618}We talked about it.
{102620}{102674}Well, I talked about it.
{102676}{102787}But Deuce never took advantage of me.|He should have.
{102789}{102835}But he's my friend.
{102837}{102972}He made me realize that I wasn't|just some hot babe with huge tits.
{102974}{103045}Even though I am.
{103046}{103120}Oh, and he also|got me walkin' again.
{103277}{103338}Deuce and I|never had sex.
{103340}{103404}- It was physically impossible.|-[Man #1] Freak!
{103437}{103492}It's true I paid him money|to be with him,
{103494}{103603}and I'd do it again because he made me|feel good about myself.
{103605}{103664}Behemoth.|[Coughs]
{103696}{103776}And no one ever|touched my feet before.
{103777}{103846}[Man #2] That's a huge bitch!
{103848}{103946}Deuce taught me to be|comfortable with who I am.
{103948}{103993}Thank you, Deuce.
{103995}{104048}Y-- Asshole!
{104105}{104178}These are very serious|charges, Mr. Bigalow.
{104180}{104230}I just have one question|to ask you.
{104232}{104324}During your entire stint as a he-whore,|did you have sex with anyone?
{104386}{104448}- Yes, Your Honor.|- [Spectators Gasp]
{104477}{104548}Just one woman.
{104550}{104612}- And I'm in love with her.|- [All Gasping]
{104614}{104664}Order!|[Banging Gavel]
{104665}{104712}Order, please.
{104713}{104784}This is very important,|Mr. Bigalow.
{104785}{104845}Did she pay you for sex?
{104913}{104976}No.
{104977}{105020}Case dismissed.
{105022}{105068}[All Cheering]
{105069}{105110}Yes!
{105412}{105479}These shots will deaden|the nerve area...
{105481}{105556}where your hair transplants|will be.
{105597}{105652}There.|That should do it.
{105653}{105736}Nurse, would you please|remove our donor hair.
{105737}{105784}I'll be back|in a minute.
{106068}{106150}Mr. Johnson, please|Just lie back down now.
{106152}{106212}Oh, my God.|Deuce!
{106214}{106262}Kate, listen to me.
{106264}{106310}What are you|doing here?
{106312}{106382}It's the only way|I could get you to see me.
{106384}{106460}Deuce, it's over|between us.
{106461}{106524}[Grunting]
{106526}{106567}Listen,
{106569}{106623}those shots|hurt like hell.
{106625}{106671}Could you at least|hear me out?
{106673}{106764}Well, I don't know how much you charge|by the hour, but you have one minute.
{106765}{106836}Okay.|I deserved that.
{106897}{106967}I should've told you|right from the start,
{106969}{107015}but I was afraid.
{107041}{107080}Afraid of what?
{107081}{107160}Afraid that a girl|as wonderful as you...
{107161}{107270}could never fall for a guy|who cleans fish tanks.
{107272}{107330}'Cause that's who|I really am.
{107332}{107410}This whole gigolo thing|was just a mistake.
{107412}{107483}But I'm glad|it happened...
{107485}{107575}'cause I never|would have met you.
{107577}{107647}I never would have known|what love was.
{107673}{107762}I'm sorry.|I'm not perfect.
{107827}{107910}[Sighs]|I'm not perfect either.
{107944}{107998}Yes, you are.
{108000}{108068}You're perfect in every way.
{108069}{108140}I knew it|the moment I met you.
{108279}{108349}Kate.
{108350}{108436}"You have a smile|that could melt an iceberg"
{108437}{108559}"Your lips|are as sweet as honey"
{108561}{108631}"You may only have|one leg,
{108633}{108748}but it's the most beautiful|leg in the world."
{108871}{108953}Are you kissing me?|'Cause I can't feel a thing.
{108955}{109004}[Laughing]
{109008}{109064}[Woman On P.A.] Now boarding|at gate 53.
{109065}{109136}Flight 14 to Sydney, Australia|is now boarding--
{109137}{109196}I've never done this|in 12 hours before.
{109197}{109256}I'm not responsible|if the seals leak.
{109297}{109378}Shit!|S-Shit cabinet!
{109380}{109424}[Snoring]
{109582}{109653}Come on, put the fish|in the tank already.
{109654}{109725}Antoine's plane landed|20 minutes ago.
{109726}{109798}I think|we're gonna be okay.
{109829}{109892}Could you step this way,|please?
{109948}{110024}Is it time to put|the big guy in yet?
{110026}{110097}[Sighs] Give him another minute.|Temperature's not right.
{110309}{110380}Spread them again, please.
{110445}{110512}[Deuce] Okay, we can put|the last fish in.
{110514}{110561}Looks like|you pulled it off, kid.
{110562}{110609}[Bergita] Time for some tequila!
{110610}{110681}[Blender Whirring]
{110682}{110740}[Whirring Stops]
{110741}{110807}Margaritas, anybody?
{111293}{111412}[Panting] I need... Chinese...|tailbar... lionfish.
{111469}{111523}- 700, 800.|- Where'd you get all that money?
{111525}{111595}- Friends.|- Yeah, right.
{111597}{111659}Anything else?
{111661}{111760}On second thought, you'd better give me|some of those sea snails.
{112446}{112493}So, uh,|how was your trip?
{112521}{112568}Very good...
{112570}{112618}till about three hours ago.
{112620}{112676}Yeah?|What happened?
{112678}{112730}I don't wanna talk|about it.
{112810}{112857}The place looks good.
{112882}{112929}Good to be home.
{112930}{113004}I should take off|so you can relax.
{113006}{113065}Is there something|you're not telling me?
{113097}{113140}Yeah.
{113142}{113238}I put your mail on the nightstand.|[Clears Throat]
{113313}{113360}Right.
{113457}{113504}What the hell is this?
{113505}{113563}A chocolate margarita.
{113565}{113604}You've been having|a party?
{113605}{113695}It was, uh, more like, uh,|a welcome-home thing, really.
{113751}{113809}I could really use one|right now.
{113900}{113943}[Slurping]
{114051}{114100}Spicy.
{114153}{114212}- I should probably go.|- My fish.
{114263}{114304}They look smaller.
{114370}{114461}Sometimes|when they're, uh, sick,
{114463}{114514}they'll shrink.
{114556}{114603}Hey, fishy, fishy,|fishy, fishy.
{114605}{114683}Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy,|fishy, fishy, fishy.
{114685}{114740}-[Tapping On Glass]|- Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy.
{114821}{114876}[Glass Cracking]
{115234}{115329}I did man-whore for a little bit,|but none of your clients.
{115330}{115377}None of them.
{115378}{115450}I know an aquarium guy|who can fix all of this.
{115452}{115508}- He's a little expensive--|- Hah!
{115510}{115558}Deuce!
{115604}{115652}[Yelling, Grunting]
{115690}{115743}No!
{115841}{115888}[Grunts]
{116314}{116375}- Deuce!|- No!
{116413}{116452}[Gasps]
{116548}{116592}[Gasping]
{116594}{116641}-[Extracts Arrow]|- [Groans]
{116664}{116716}Ohh.
{116718}{116765}[Sighs]
{116937}{116980}Hey! Tough guy.
{116982}{117053}What do you think of this?
{117054}{117104}You're busted.
{117132}{117178}What's goin' on|out here?
{117205}{117264}I can see!
{117321}{117363}You're black.
{117365}{117394}I knew it.|[Giggles]
{117677}{117752}% Love %
{117754}{117836}% Is what I want %
{117837}{117891}% Whoa, yeah %
{117939}{118045}% And all you gotta do|is bring it to me, baby %
{118142}{118224}% Talk %
{118225}{118276}% Is what I want %
{118277}{118339}-% What I want %|-% Whoa, yeah %
{118341}{118399}% What I want %
{118401}{118512}% And all you gotta do|is bring it to me, baby %
{118609}{118670}-% Talk %|-% Come on let's talk about it %
{118672}{118731}-% Talk %|-% Can't seem to do without it %
{118733}{118766}-% Talk %|-% Don't wanna be %
{118768}{118904}% One of the broken-hearted %
{118905}{119021}% So lift me up|Finish what you started %
{119023}{119141}% Take me off for a ride %
{119143}{119256}% Lift me up|from the broken-hearted %
{119258}{119373}% Rivers deep and wide %
{119375}{119433}% Lift me up %
{119491}{119604}% Take me off for a ride %
{119605}{119720}% Lift me up|from the broken-hearted %
{119721}{119865}% Rivers deep and wide %
{119867}{119942}% Color me|your color, baby %
{119944}{120023}% Color me your car %
{120025}{120104}% Color me|your color, darling %
{120105}{120184}% I know who you are %
{120185}{120267}% Come up|off your color chart %
{120269}{120335}% I know where|you're coming from %
{120337}{120404}% Call me for a ride %
{120406}{120498}% Call me, call me|any, any time %
{120500}{120569}% Call me, my love %
{120571}{120660}% You can call me|any day or night %
{120662}{120709}% Call me %
{120830}{120909}% Cover me with kisses|baby %
{120911}{120991}% Cover me with love %
{120993}{121060}% Roll me|in designer sheets %
{121061}{121152}% I'll never get enough %
{121154}{121234}% Emotions come|I don't know why %
{121236}{121341}% Cover up love's alibi %
{121342}{121416}% Call me for a ride %
{121418}{121507}% Call me, call me|any, any time %
{121509}{121576}% Call me, my love %
{121577}{121668}% When you're ready|we can share the wine %
{121669}{121716}% Call me %
{121839}{121886}% Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh %
{121888}{122000}% He speaks|the languages of love %
{122002}{122121}% Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh|amore, chiamami %
{122122}{122161}% Chiamami %
{122163}{122207}% Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh %
{122209}{122308}% Appelle-moi, mon cherie|Appelle-moi %
{122310}{122352}% Anytime, anyplace %
{122353}{122452}% Anywhere, anyway %
{122453}{122532}% Anytime, anyplace|Anywhere, anyday %
{122534}{122629}% Any way %
{123399}{123474}% Call me, my love %
{123476}{123566}% Call me, call me|any, any time %
{123568}{123636}% Call me for a ride %
{123637}{123726}% Call me, call me|for some overtime %
{123728}{123796}% Call me, my love %
{123798}{123887}% Call me, call me|in a sweet design %
{123889}{123959}% Call me, ohhh-ohh %
{123961}{124050}% Call me, call me|call me anytime %
{124052}{124119}% Call me, call me %
{124121}{124211}% For your lover's lover's|alibi %
{124213}{124280}% Call me on the line %
{124282}{124372}% Call me, call me|any, any time %
{124374}{124452}% Call me, call me %
{124453}{124544}% Just call me, call me|call me, call me, call me %
{124546}{124624}% Call me, call me|call me, call me, call me %
{124625}{124710}% Call me, call me|call me, call me, call me %