MAN: Carl's Jr. has this $6 burger, which really only costs $3.95...
...so you think you're getting some deal...
...but the truth is, it may be the best franchise burger out there.
I went there yesterday and ordered three.
By golly, those suckers almost filled me up.
When I got home, I still had to have a box of Eggos...
...but that doesn't take away from Carl's achievement.
I mean, here's a guy who's got to go...
-...through life as Carl Junior, right? MAN: Barry?
Like he can never get out of the shadow of his dad, the original Carl, I guess.
Do you think this eating has to do with thinking you killed your mother?
That you're eating yourself to death as punishment?
-You do think you killed her, right? -I never said that.
She called out to you from that big, fancy oak bed.
-She said she was having chest pain. -I never told you any of that!
-How could you know this? -She begged you to dial 911 .
But she was always calling out for you, wasn't she, Barry?
You weren't there. How could you know what happened? How?
-Doesn't matter. Stop blaming yourself. -Doesn't matter.
If you don't, you'll eat yourself into an early grave for no reason.
You're looking in my head! Stop it!
-Don't look in there. -You don't have to do it, Barry.
BARRY : Leave me alone!
It wasn't your fault.
[PHONE RINGING]
Jonesy?
Ah!
JONESY : Hey, how are you doing, Henry?
What's that you say?
Are you going deaf? How are you doing?
You know. SSDD.
Well, yeah, of course.
Hey, I was thinking if you were free this weekend we might go see Duddits.
Yeah, absolutely. He's been on my mind a lot too.
It's been a long time.
JONES: Yeah. It's open!
I gotta go. I got a thing here. I'll see you Saturday.
Yeah, right.
See you Saturday.
So, Mr. Defuniak...
...do you know we're both escapees from Maine?
You're from Pittsfield.
Know what happens to scholarship students caught cheating on exams?
You had the flu that day, didn't you, David? You didn't take the exam?
You missed the test. And since you were ill, why not write me an essay instead?
3000 words on the short-term results of the Norman Conquest.
-Go get started. -Yes, sir.
Better to be from Pittsfield than go back to it.
Thank you, sir.
How did you know? You weren't even there that day.
Sometimes I just know.
[THUNDERING]
Hello.
This probably won't work.
Never start like that with a car salesman. We love challenges. Pete Moore.
In one hour I'm showing a house in Fryeburg. It's a big commission.
And I just lost my damn car keys. Could you possibly make me duplicates?
-That takes at least a day. -Oh, boy, I just knew it!
Easy, Trish. Maybe I can help. I'm always good at finding things.
-Did I say my name? I don't remember-- -I guessed.
Now, let's find those keys.
-Hey, Rachel. -Hey, Pete.
-I looked again. I couldn't find them. MOORE: Okay. I need your help.
You had the coffee in your hand, bought aspirin...
...went to your car, realized the keys were gone.
-That everything? -Yes.
Look. This is gonna seem weird, but it's just a thing I do to help me think.
You bought a candy bar before the aspirin.
Mars bar.
Yours, right?
One more question. If I find your keys, will you let me buy you dinner?
West Wharf? 6:30?
Best fried clams in the state? It's right on your way back.
Sure. Okay.
-That'd be nice. -All right.
So you got here. You opened your purse.
Coffee, candy and aspirin, you're juggling it all around.
And that's when...
...you dropped your keys.
It's just luck, is all.
Thank you.
[CAR ALARM BEEPING]
[CAR STARTS]
-West Wharf, right? Half past six? -You got it.
Another fuckarow.
[THUNDERING]
[PHONE RINGING]
-Jones. CLARENDON: How are you doing?
-Hey, Beaver.ame shit, different day. -Same shit, different day.
-Wanna talk? -No, you're trying to get home.
-What's up? -Really, I got nothing. Go home.
-Wait, Jonesy? -Yeah, Beav?
-You be careful. -Be careful of what?
Wish I knew.
Oh, my gosh. He's right there. Yeah.
What did you say?
I didn't say anything.
Right. Sorry.
Hey!
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God! MAN: Oh, look!
[CROWD CHATTERING]
MAN: Somebody call an ambulance! WOMAN 1: It won't do any good.
MAN: I looked away for one second. Then I heard a thump. What happened?
WOMAN 1: Careful, careful. WOMAN 2: Back up, back up.
WOMAN 1: Seriously.... DEFUNIAK: My God! Professor Jones!
I just saw him. He can't die!
WOMAN 2: Is he dead?
WOMAN 1: I didn't see it. Why did he run out?
Clear!
No good. Flatline. Hit it again!
Clear!
-What do you think? -I think it's no good. I think he's gone.
Watch out for Ister Gay.
[MAN MUMBLING]
[MAN LAUGHING]
DEVLIN: Out of my way.
CLARENDON: Jonesy, don't try to lift that stuff.
DEVLIN: Just go up to the cabin. MOORE: Here, here, look. Big jacket.
-Beaver, I'm going in! CLARENDON: I'll see you in a second!
[GLASS CLINKING]
DEVLIN: Watch the beer.
-Got blown last night. MOORE: Good for you.
-First time? -Bite my bag.
Met some lady at bingo, went back to her place, turned into a nice fuckaree.
-As opposed to a fuckarow. -Obviously.
Though I've had perfectly good fuckarees turn into fuckarows in a flash.
-Try Viagra. -Viagra?
I'm practically at full salute all day.
I'm.... What do you call it? Privatic?
Prag-- Prasmatic? Henry will know.
-You're thinking of fourth grade. -You're having wood problems?
-You haven't tried it, have you? -Hell, no!
Drop that little blue bomb, you're hard as a Louisville Slugger for 12 hours.
Twelve hours?
I'm talking Yastrzemski. You don't have to need it to love it.
Bingo? Did you say bingo, like the game in church basements?
-There's trim there. -Beaver!
I thought my deal was pathetic.
-Ah! -You just watch. That's your job.
JONES: I'm fine. DEVLIN: Uh-huh.
H, you been thinking about Duddits more than usual?
Uh-huh.
Remember we were gonna go see him that weekend?
-I remember. -Then I got hit.
I gotta tell you something weird.
The night I got hit, I was standing there and across the street, I saw Duddits.
Just like he was that day we first saw him back in Derry.
He was calling out for help and everyone was ignoring him.
Then he looked over at me. He looked directly at me.
And he motioned for me to come to him.
You believe I saw him, don't you?
Yes, sir, I do.
Duddits loves me, I know that. He loves us all.
He would die before he'd ever hurt us.
So why was he calling me into the street to get hit?
Maybe there's more to the story we don't get yet.
-You don't know shit. MOORE: Name it!
I'll name it after we come up with a small wager.
-50 bucks. -What's the subject?
In the movies, when people wake up together...
...they immediately start kissing and going at it.
But they never get up first, take a leak and brush their goddamn teeth.
Which is pretty much necessary when you wake up.
What's it called when you got a constant woody?
-You mean priapism. -See? I'm practically priasmic.
Priapismic.
-Whatever! It's hard. -That's what you're betting on?
I can name the one movie where they acknowledge the scuzzy facts of life.
-I'll give you a quarter. -A quarter from you. 50 bucks from you.
-Promised Land. -Promised Land? Never heard of it.
Meg Ryan and what's his name? Reefer Sutherland.
-Kiefer. -From, I don't know,1988 or something?
So Meg Ryan wakes up in the morning and says, "Where's the cat?"
And he says, "What cat?" And she says, "The cat that shit in my mouth."
That will be 50 small.
-Bullshit! You made it up. -Could Beaver make that up?
You can have that priceless piece of cinematic trivia absolutely free.
I'm filing that in the "Who-gives-a-shit" section of my memory warehouse.
[CHUCKLING]
-What's the memory warehouse? -You don't remember?
-I must've forgot. -You forgot the memory warehouse?
-Just remind me. Don't give me shit. -lt's in his head. We've all got one.
-Hasn't that place been condemned? JONES: Not yet.
It's so crowded I throw something out every time I learn something new.
When I got my new laptop I had to throw out my files of rock 'n' roll lyrics.
My warehouse was washed away in a flood about 10 years ago.
I didn't know they had enough beer.
Hey. Hey, hey.
Jonesy, if that really is your name...
-...what do you do with the old files? -I burn them.
-You threw out the "Blue Bayou" lyrics? -No.
No, if I really can't let go of something...
...I sneak it back to an office where I keep my secret stuff.
Where do you keep the stuff on Duddits?
He's got a special section all his own on the third level.
I can't stop thinking about the Duds lately. How about you guys?
It's this place. He's all around here, even though he's never been here.
This is our 20th year coming out here to Hole in the Wall.
And fuck me, Freddy, here's to 20 more.
Yeah.
Twenty more.
Here's to Duddits...
...our dreamcatcher.
Wish he was here.
To the Duds.
-To Douglas Cavell. -To Duddits.
Why is Tina Schlossinger's pussy on the wall of Tracker Brothers?
Because I said so. It's a picture.
-Have you seen it? JONESY : No...
...but the kid who sits behind me in shop, he saw it.
HENRY : Tracker Brothers is deserted.
JONESY : You don't want to see the homecoming queen's pussy?
Don't come.
Fuck me, Freddy! Some kid's shirt.
-So? -lt's new!
Scooby-Doo.
"I belong to Douglas Cavell."
"If the boy I belong to is lost, please bring him to 19 Maple Lane, Derry."
Must belong to one of those kids from the Retard Academy.
[SCREAMING]
BOY : Come on. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it and you can go.
Hey, you guys! Quit it!
Just fucking quit it!
What are you doing?
You're trying to make him eat that? What's wrong with you?
RICHIE: Got it. I'll make him eat this dog turd, then he can go.
You go now. Unless you want half.
Take a hike, girls, while you have the chance.
Piss off. That's your final warning.
[DUDDITS WHIMPERING]
-You better watch it! -Why is that?
-I know who you are. -I'm trembling with fear.
-You're Rich Grenadeau, the quarterback! -So?
What will people say when we tell them what we caught you doing?
You won't tell anybody anything because you'll be dead.
-Get ready, Pete. -Give the word, Henry.
Pete can fly. When you come for us, all we have to do is get in your way.
I can't catch that little dick?
You know who that is? That's Pete Moore.
That's right, fat-ass. Pete Moore. No one can catch him.
He's going straight to his house to tell his mother.
She'll call the cops and then we'll see.
-You know him, is that it? -Never saw him.
Then why ask for trouble? I mean, look at this moron!
-He likes this attention. -How do you know what he likes?
Come on, you dickweeds!
-You want to fight us? -Yes! Yes!
I'm gone, Henry. Just say the word.
-Why? You'll lose! Why? -Because you can't do that! It's wrong!
And I'm gonna tell the world! Tell everybody!
-You want us to leave, is that it? -No! Let's kick their asses!
Let's go. We'll get him later. You know that.
Get you all later.
[DUDDITS SCREAMING]
HENRY : It's okay. You can stop now.
Do something. Somebody!
If I do...
...and you tell anybody, I'll never hang with you guys again.
[SINGS "BLUE BA Y OU"]
HENRY : I never knew Beav could sing.
-Beaver, that's beautiful. -I mean it. Not one word.
Eaver!
You've got a fan.
This yours?
[SINGS SCOOBY-DOO THEME SONG INCORRECTL Y]
Douglas Cavell. That's your name, right?
I Duddits.
PETE: What? -I Duddits!
HENRY : Duddits? -Duddits.
Duddits, we got to get you home.
Hey, guys! Come here! Leave the kid there.
Stand right here, Duddits. Right here with Scooby, okay?
Jesus Christ bananas!
No way is that Tina Jean Schlossinger.
HENRY : Maybe her grandmother. Good going, Beav.
Holy God. We came all the way here just for that?
No. We came for him.
DEVLIN: Hey, Pete. You forgot the dogs.
Uh-oh. Weather moving in. Double storm.
Alberta Clipper first, maybe 8 inches...
...with a nor'easter on its tail.
-Get on back to the cabin, Henry. -Heading straight there, Mr. G.
-Don't mess around. DEVLIN: No, sir.
[CRACKING]
[GASPING]
[SCREAMS]
JONES: Easy, fella.
Easy. You're okay. You're all right.
Thank God. Thank God.
Gee, thank God!
I'm lost. I've been lost in the woods since yesterday.
Let's get you inside. Get you warm.
-How would that be? -Sure.
Here, let me get that.
-Rick McCarthy. -Gary Jones. It's Jonesy to everybody.
Our damn cell phones are on the blink now, so I can't call for help...
...but our car will be back soon.
I didn't think I'd make it. I lost the folks I was with.
You saved me, that's for sure.
What's that?
It's a dreamcatcher.
Indian charm. Catches nightmares...
...keeps them away. Keeps you safe down here.
I've had enough nightmares.
[BURPS]
Been doing that all night.
I ate some berries in the dark.
I think they must have upset me.
[BOTTLES CLINK]
MOORE: I know what you're thinking.
Anyone who drinks at 11 a.m. needs to take the cure, but I only do it here.
In the real world, I never drink till after 5:00...
...and if it ever does, I'm on the wagon for life.
Glad to hear it.
What's the matter with you?
About six months ago, the day Jonesy got hit...
...I did something terrible with a patient. I humiliated him. Drove him out.
Barry Neiman.
Couple days ago, I saw his picture in the paper. He ate himself to death.
Mind if I don't use that story next time I'm trying to sell a Mustang?
You were a lead balloon long before this porker munched his way to eternity.
Thanks. You're a real comfort. You got a real delicate touch to you.
JONES: Here you go, Rick, buddy. That will fix you up.
[DOOR OPENS]
CLARENDON: Jesus Christ bananas! Some fuckarow this is turning into!
-Thanks a lot, Beav. CLARENDON: Yeah, I think I got it all.
What happened to you?
Hi. Joe Clarendon. Call me Beaver.
JONES: Rick here had a bad night in the woods.
Welcome.
-ls that frostbite? -No, I get the same thing from peanuts.
It's allergy.
Grilled cheese, anyone?
MCCARTHY : No, the soup's fine for me. CLARENDON: I'll bite. Sail it over here.
My mother used to feed me pea soup when I was feeling--
[BURPING]
Bitch in a buzz saw!
I've heard some mighty burps in my time, but that's the blue ribbon.
I am so embarrassed.
-Rick ate some berries in the woods. MCCARTHY : Oh, no.
[FARTING]
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, that's awful!
I'm so sorry!
Rick, buddy, don't worry about it. There's more room out than in, anyway.
What have you been eating, woodchuck turds?
JONES: Know what I think?
I think you need to lie down and take you a little nap.
You know, I bet you're right.
I'm just tired, that's all.
-Come on. -My hat.
Beaver?
Come on. In here.
Thank you for taking me in. Thank you both.
-Shit, anybody would have. -Maybe. Maybe not.
All right, this is in case you have to urk...
...if you can't get to the bathroom, which is the third door to your left.
If you go in the first, you'll take a shit in the closet.
If you need anything, we're outside.
[STOMACH GURGLING]
[CHUCKLING]
Fuck me, give me some air!
We got any gas masks handy? We need a biohazard team in here.
[LAUGHING]
-Wanna hear what'll freak you out more? -Not really.
You know his huge stomach?
When he got here, his stomach was normal, but his chest was out to here!
I wish Henry was here.
He's a shrink, not an internist.
He went to med school. Did you?
I thought about it.
You better get a run at it.
DEVLIN: Shit! MOORE: Watch it!
What the hell?
DEVLIN: Pete, are you okay? MOORE: I broke my leg! My damn leg!
-Okay. Hang on. Hang on a second. -Help me!
-I'm caught! I can't-- DEVLIN: God!
-God. -Henry! A little help here!
DEVLIN: Hang on, Pete. Hang on.
-Okay. Here comes the seat belt. -I just opened that beer.
[MOORE LAUGHING]
I got you.
How's your leg?
Well, it ain't broken. It's just locked up, is all.
You don't suppose he got exposed to radiation?
I saw that once in a movie. Guy ended up bald as Telly what's-his-fuck.
This guy's got plenty of hair. But that red mark got bigger while I watched it.
-What are you doing? -Peanut butter calms me down.
-Somebody else might want to use that. -I'll leave some.
Beav.
Beaver.
[CROWS CAWING]
CLARENDON: Criminettlies!
DEVLIN: I think it's a woman.
MOORE: I ought to warn you. I'm gonna strangle this broad.
-I'd guess she's already dead. -I'll strangle her anyway.
She almost got us both killed.
Hello! Here we come, ma'am. Don't be startled.
Hello?
Forget it, H. She's gone.
Hello!
[MOORE SCREAMING]
Ma'am, can you hear me? Are you okay? Can you hear me?
[FARTING]
I wonder if maybe that's how they say hello around here.
Listen, Miss Road Kill, you almost got us dead.
Say something.
I have to find Rick.
-Okay. -Rick.
Yeah.
CLARENDON: Fuck me, Freddy.
-What's all that red stuff on their fur? -Just like McCarthy's cheek.
-I never saw anything like this before. -Even the bears look scared.
-Of what? Where are they going? -lt's not where that worries me...
...it's what are they running away from?
[HELICOPTER HOVERING]
What the hell?
This could be perfect. They can get Stinky to a hospital.
Hey, you guys!
We need help! Got a sick guy inside!
MAN: This area is under temporary quarantine.
-tay where you are. -What quarantine?
-We got a sick guy down here! -We need your help here!
CLARENDON: We got a real sick guy! -Take him with you now!
MAN: Glad you're okay. This situation will be resolved in 24 to 48 hours.
Kiss my bender!
MOORE: I gotta ask you, old buddy. Because I'm confused.
-ls this SSDD or not? DEVLIN: Definitely not.
Different shit today, Pete.
And a pretty weird day so far, if you want to know.
MOORE: Over here.
[MEN GROANING]
DEVLIN: Okay. There you go.
MOORE: Easy.
[STOMACH GURGLING]
DEVLIN: Nine miles to Hole in the Wall.
[FARTING]
DEVLIN: I think I can manage it.
I'll bring the snowmobile back and get you both.
Now, Pete, you listen to me. Don't go back to the car for beer.
-Stay with her. Keep her warm. -Right hand to God, Dr. D.
Henry!
If we die before you get back...
...promise you'll tell everybody she wasn't my date.
-I don't like this. -Me neither.
Not at all.
This is turning into a double fuckarow. A real jobba-nobba.
-Rick, you okay? MCCARTHY : I'm a little sick, fellas.
-I just need to make a little room. -McCarthy, Rick, open up, man.
MCCARTHY : Go away! -Open the door or we break it down.
MCCARTHY : Can't a man have privacy? -Rick, where are you bleeding from?
MCCARTHY : Bleeding? I'm not bleeding.
-Let's do it. -I'm not positive I wanna go in there.
What if he's dying? Scooby-Dooby-Doo, we got some work to do now.
On three. Ready?
One.... Two....
Hold it! What if we just bounce off?
-No bounce, no play. -Right. No bounce, no play.
One....
And a two.... Three!
Oh, fuck! Oh, man! Fuck!
I don't want to see this! I can't see this.
-Shut up a minute. Mr. McCarthy? Rick? -ls he still alive?
I don't know. Rick? Rick, are you--?
[WATER SPLASHES]
Oh, man! Jonesy, if he can still do that, he must be alive.
Can you hear me? I think he's dead.
Bullshit! He dropped a clinker! I heard it.
-I don't think that was a clinker. -That's enough, snap out of it!
-Oh, my God! -My God!
[WATER SPLASHING]
-No! -No?
No.
Good move! It's trapped. Got nowhere to go but the septic tank.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Okay.
CLARENDON: Oh, shit!
-Listen, we're gonna change places. -What?
-One of us is gonna go to the shed. -No way!
Shut up and listen! There's friction tape there.
You go get it, come back. We'll tape the lid down.
Then we're gonna get the hell out of here!
-You get the tape, Jonesy. -Don't be brave, Beav.
You're faster than me. I'll sit on Thumper.
No, if it does get out, you can't fight it. Not with your hip.
Oh, my God! Goddamn it! Go!
-And Beav? -Yeah?
Sit tight, buddy.
[CHUCKLES]
Okay. Okay.
[CLARENDON SCREAMS]
[SINGS "BLUE BA Y OU"]
All right. Okay.
[BANGING]
Shit! Earth to Jonesy! Come in, Jonesy!
[HONKING]
Jonesy. Jonesy.
Okay. Calm down now. Okay.
Okay.
Okay, here it is. Okay.
[BANGING]
Find the damn tape!
[SCREAMING]
[SNARLING]
Where is it?
Coming, Beav!
Beaver! Beav!
I got the-- What the--?
Jonesy, get out of here!
Beaver.
-Get out! Shut the door! -No.
Run, Jonesy.
[SNARLING]
[GROANS]
You killed him.
You killed Beaver.
You killed him, you fuck!
Ah!
What do you want?
[JONES GASPING]
[MEN MUMBLING]
CURTIS: They call the red stuff Ripley, after the broad in the Alien movies.
We eradicate the animals as they flee the Blue Zone.
OWEN: The populace?
CURTIS: We bring civilians to Gosselin's. We'll detain them till we figure this out.
And, Owen? This time the ETs belong to you. That's right, bucko.
-You'll be Blue Boy leader. -Finally.
-How many left? -About a hundred.
Yeah. Not nearly enough for a serious incursion.
My guess is, it's a crash-landing.
They've never picked terrain like this before or cold weather.
OWEN: What's your call?
The biggest threat is them getting out of our net.
Crash-landing or not...
...they'll try to get out and spread the infection.
I always say they never visited a world they wouldn't rather own.
They're up to their old tricks.
Using a standard grayboy look...
...with the innocent doggy eyes and smooth baby-butt skin.
They project what they think we want to see.
But I've had a look at the real thing. You wouldn't want it marrying your sister.
-Difference of opinion about the Ripley. -Really? Who has an opinion?
-Who do you think? -General Matheson.
-Three-star General Matheson. -Three?
-When did you see him? -They called me in yesterday.
What's the opinion of those enlightened cocksuckers...
...who've never been near an ET?
They say the fungus doesn't take hold in all victims. Some of them get over it.
Really? And what about the shit weasels?
The ones blasting out the basement door?
Does Matheson think folks get over one of those puppies?
Their theory is, they only grow in a small percentage of the exposed population.
Do you like that theory, bucko?
I think it's crap.
CURTIS: So if you thought someone had been exposed...
-...and you had them in your grasp-- -I wouldn't want them walking out...
-...to wander as they wish. -Bucko, I think we're on the same page.
Pissing in the same latrine.
If the Ripley gets out of this pine-tree paradise....
Well, it just can't be allowed to do that.
I've quarantined the entire area.
-Nothing leaves alive. -Roger that, boss.
[KNOCKING]
Come!
Got Maples here, boss.
-Corporal Maples, sir. I mean, boss. CURTIS: I know who you are, Maples.
I handpicked every man in Blue Boy. Sometimes I wonder about my judgment.
MAPLES: Yes, sir. I'm sorry, boss. CURTIS: Do you know the catechism?
-Yes, the B.U.C. for all buckos. -ls Blue Unit part of regular Army?
-No, boss. Better. CURTIS: How does Blue Unit operate?
Under the radar. We don't salute, display rank, say "sir." A force unto ourselves.
-Regular Army compared to Blue Unit? -Pussies.
CURTIS: What rules does it operate by? MAPLES: Rules of combat.
That's right, laddie.
When a soldier disobeys a superior's orders, he puts everyone at risk.
And is to be punished immediately by appropriate command personnel.
That's me. Capisce? Good.
Now answer me one question and you can boogie out of here.
But you have to answer honestly.
You were on containment detail at 0600 this morning, sector 14 of Blue Zone.
Did you allow a young woman and her 4-year-old daughter...
...to exit the zone in their own vehicle on Hickam Valley Road?
Colonel Curtis, she hadn't been in the zone.
She made a wrong turn. She couldn't have been contaminated.
You know this for a fact? Or because she told you so?
-For a fact, boss. -Scout's honor?
Can you raise your hand and tell me honestly that you know this for a fact?
Then do it, Maples.
Swear on it. Scout's honor.
[SCREAMING]
Stop your blatting, laddie-buck!
You just avoided a court-martial, boy.
You lie to me again, you'll be facing a firing squad.
-Get him out before I change my mind. OWEN: Let's get him out of here.
Sentry!
-Jesus, Abe. -I warned him.
Could have gotten off with a slap on the wrist.
-lnstead of taking his whole hand? -He crossed the Curtis line!
He came into my house, told me lies.
-You think I'm crazy, Owen? -A little.
I lost my temper there. But that little worm did something worse.
The pretty mom he let pass this morning?
She's down at the barn right now crawling with the Ripley.
Twenty-five years, Owen.
Twenty-five years I've been going out to fight these alien bastards...
...show them they picked the wrong place, knocked on the wrong door.
And frankly, laddie, the tank is running a little low.
Luckily for me, there's one bit of good news in this blizzard of bullshit.
I have you. To lead the assault today and to take over for me tomorrow.
-What are you talking about, Abe? -lt's my last dance, Owen.
From now on, you will lead the band.
-You know where I got that? -John Wayne.
That's right. He gave it to me. And now I'm giving it to you.
-Abe, I don't know how to.... -Let's not get all girlie with each other.
-Just tell me how we do it. -We go in fast and hard.
-How do we come out? -Clean...
...and smiling.
Ah.
MOORE: Honey, I'm home.
That's a good idea. Catch a little shuteye.
Save your energy for those horrendous farts!
[CHUCKLING]
MOORE: Well, it's very nice of you to say so. I find you very attractive also.
You're one of those rare women who can handle the full-size Ford Expedition.
The truck that handles like a luxury car. A really big luxury car.
[GIGGLING]
But seriously, folks, there is one issue I'd like to bring up...
...just in case I should, you know, kick the bucket out here...
...turn into a goddamn Petesicle. Not that I think that's inevitable.
I'm sure Henry or Jonesy or Beaver will be coming to get us soon.
They're my friends. We're all best friends.
Now, ma'am, I'll be very candid with you about this...
...so please, don't get freaked out or think that I'm some kind of weirdo...
...who you shouldn't meet for the best fried clams in Maine.
Just some innocent fried clams at the West Wharf !
You see, the four of us, best friends...
...we all have this other friend by the name of Duddits.
And our friend Duddits, well, he's not your average old buddy.
One day, a long time ago, he gave us all this kind of gift.
It's this.... How shall I put it?
This ability. This ability to know things...
...to talk to each other without talking at all, just mind-to-mind.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
I knew you would.
Lately, I've been having this dream...
...and in the dream, I understand how Duddits could give us a gift like that.
I think maybe our friend Duds is not from this planet.
I think Duddits is from somewhere else...
...and he came here to prepare us for something.
It's crazy.
Talking shit about the only perfect person I ever knew.
He's so goddamned good. I can't believe he's a human.
I should be singing his praises, not questioning what galaxy he's--
I gotta pee.
That's what I should do.
[GROANING]
[ZIPPER OPENS]
Here's to you, Duds.
The highest civilian decoration.
Lord, I will never drink again.
[SCREAMING]
[SNARLING]
[SCREECHING]
[SNARLING]
DEVLIN: Let me get this straight.
Yesterday you want to call it quits, throw in the towel, pull the plug.
Today, you're begging, praying. Couple more hours. Couple more miles.
Make up your mind.
[JET SKI HUMS]
Jonesy! Way to go, motherfucker!
Here you come to save the day!
What the hell?
Who's Mr. Gray?
What are you trying to tell me, Jonesy?
You're not Jonesy.
IN ENGLISH ACCENT : What was that, Mr. Jones? What did we just pass?
JONES: Are you speaking to me? -Yes, I am, Mr. Jones. Or is it Jonesy?
That's what your friends call you, isn't it? Let's be friends.
-Why are you letting me live? -I'm borrowing you.
-We're going to take a little journey. -Beaver never hurt a soul. You killed him.
He had nothing in his head. I've found something useful in yours.
-Fuck you! -I know what that expression means.
I've studied the foul language section of your memory warehouse.
Rather distasteful, I must say.
How about this, Mr. Gray? Eat shit and die.
Why did you call me Mr. Gray?
Watch out for Ister Gay.
Someone told you about me. Who told you about me?
If you want to know, why don't you read my mind?
Surprisingly, you're able to keep things from me...
...I don't understand it. But I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.
[MOORE GROANING]
Oh, Pete, Jesus!
MOORE: Motherfucker tried to bite my dick off, Jonesy.
I always thought it would be my ex-wife did that.
Let's get you to some help.
Can you still see the line, buddy?
-I don't need it to get to Gosselin's. -No, I know that, but...
...if we didn't want to go to Gosselin's, how would you get us out to 95?
95? Who gives a shit? I'm hurting here, Jonesy.
What's wrong with you?
-Wait a minute, you're not-- -Shut up, Pete.
You're too messed up to know what you're saying.
Too late for that. Pete, I need you to get onto the snowmobile right now.
Who the fuck are you? You sound like one of those James Bonds!
This has to do with the fucking eel, doesn't it? You're not--
Stop it! I'll get him to help. Pete, tell him what he wants to know.
[COUGHS]
Now, Pete, which way to l-95? I need to go to Massachusetts.
My, my. That is a gift.
Who taught you that?
You're gonna be a big help, Pete.
Climb aboard.
[KNOCKING]
[SNARLING]
MR. GRA Y : Show's over. Let me in. -Let me in.
What have you got in that part of your mind, professor?
Your memories are out here in the warehouse, aren't they?
I want to know who warned you about me. And who taught Pete that trick?
I'm sure the answers are here. It'll just take me a while to find them.
-To find them. -Think about letting me in.
-lt's the polite thing to do. -Polite thing to do.
[CREAKING]
Beav!
[GURGLING]
What is this?
Oh, Beav.
Shit!
Fuck me, Freddy.
[GASPING]
[SNARLING]
Oh, shit.
Asshole!
[CHIRPING]
[SCREECHING]
So long, Beav. Love you, man.
PETE: We all made them in art.
BEA VER: I finished first. I made one for Duds.
HENRY : Mine's deformed. I couldn't figure out the string.
-Eaver, Henny, Ownzy, Eet! -That's right, my man.
I Duddits.
-Yes. I Duddits. -I Duddits!
ALL: I Duddits!
HENRY : Duds will find her. PETE: How?
JONESY : He can do anything. BEA VER: She's from the Academy.
-She always waves. -We've gotta save this girl.
-Save this world? -Not the world, Duds. A girl.
-We'll save the world some other time. -lster Gay?
-Yeah, it's a mystery. -We need you to solve it.
-Dreamcatcher. Duds'll read our minds. PETE: Not this.
HENRY : Shut up. We gotta think of Josie.
Josie, Josie, Josie.
"Josie Rinkenhauer."
[BOYS GASPING]
-Josie? -That's right. Can you find Josie?
JONESY : This is completely crazy. -You can say that again.
-I didn't say anything. BEA VER: You did. I heard you.
-You said, "This is completely crazy. " -I didn't say that.
I thought it.
Kiss my bender. Duds can hear people's thoughts. We can't.
HENRY : Are you sure of that, Beav?
Hey, guys! She's down here for sure!
Josie, you down there?
Josie! Josie!
Fuck me, Freddy, she's down there.
I know it. I can see her in my head.
-Yeah. -Me too.
JOSIE: Help! Please!
-Help me. BEA VER: Hold on, Josie, we're coming!
HENRY : Josie, hang in there!
[SINGS MIGHTY MOUE THEME SONG]
Don't sing. She's scared enough.
BEA VER: Shut up. There's, like, rat shit. PETE: Hold on to my feet!
HENRY : Pete, do you see anything?
PETE: Duds! We got her! -Here's Josie.
[HELICOPTER HOVERING]
CURTIS: Blue Boy leader. How we doing, bucko?
-Right here, boss. Fast and hard. -Wouldn't have it any other way.
Sir?
I see it.
FEMALE: Don't hurt us. MALE: We're dying.
MALE: There is no infection here. -Whose radio is that?
It's not the radio. They're putting it into our heads.
FEMALE: We are helpless. -There it is, gentlemen.
MALE: There's no infection here. -Directly into our heads.
This gives you an idea what we're up against.
If anybody's thinking, "Those poor, helpless little folk...
...all naked and unarmed beside their crashed intergalactic Winnebago...
...what kind of a dog, what kind of a monster...
...could hear that heartbreak and go in just the same?"
-Well, I'm that dog. I'm that monster. FEMALE: We are helpless. We are dying.
CURTIS: These mothers are as harmless as a fox in a henhouse.
And I'm here to kick some ass! Are you with me?
-Yes, boss! -Roger that, boss.
Right on, boss.
FEMALE: Don't hurt us.
I have a visual.
Holy shit!
Damn, look at the size of that.
Blue Boy group, this is Blue Boy leader. Target imminent. Go to level 4 readiness.
Gentlemen, lock and load.
Hellfires are hot.
Sing it out, Owen!
Blue Boy group, this is Blue Boy leader. Clean up the forest, get rid of this trash!
MALE: Don't hurt us. FEMALE: Please, don't hurt us.
MALE: There is no infection here. FEMALE: We are helpless.
-Fire at will! CURTIS: Fire!
[BEEPING]
[GUNSHOTS]
CURTIS: Owen, get them out of there!
It's gonna blow!
Blue Boy group, withdraw at once. I repeat, cease firing and back off !
-We can get them! OWEN: It's self-destructing.
-Blue Boy group, get out of there! -We're on top of it!
CURTIS: Owen, pull out now!
OWEN: Pull out! Get out of there! -Pull out!
MOORE: Jonesy, I've been thinking about our friend. Our Scooby-Doo buddy.
For a long time I thought he was sent to us to warn us about something.
-I could never figure what it was. JONES: Don't talk about him.
MOORE: Not till today. It was this, right now.
-He wanted to warn us. MR. GRA Y : Tell me about your friend.
-Did he show you that nifty trick? MOORE: No. Jonesy's right.
MR. GRA Y : Come on, Pete. Let's talk. -Bite my bag, motherfucker!
All right, Pete, I'll bite. Your bag and everything else.
No, no! You bastard! No!
Pete.
Don't talk to him! Get out of there!
MR. GRA Y : Ah.
[DOG GROWLS]
-What's up? -Thank God you came by, governor.
I'm broke down here and fearing for my life.
That's a good-looking dog.
-Where you headed? -Gosselin's.
Any chance you're going near there?
That's where I'm going.
Well, I believe your tailgate has come open.
Let's take a look.
I see you have some cargo you're taking to Blue Base.
[SCREAMING]
[DOG BARKS]
MR. GRA Y : Got a treat for you, lke.
All you can eat. Eat all the red stuff.
Good doggy. Yes. Good boy.
Have your fill. Tasty, tasty.
Eat all you want--
[SCREECHING]
Jonesy. What are you up to?
Jonesy!
[GROANS]
Oh, God!
[GROWLING]
[ROARING]
[GROANING]
MAN: Halt or we'll fire! You cannot leave the quarantine zone!
-Halt! -I think I just about halted here.
CURTIS: Come with me, Owen.
I'll show you things you'll wish you'd never seen.
[WOMAN SOBBING]
[BABY CRYING]
MAN 1: How long we gotta be here? CURTIS: lt'll be all right.
MAN 1: I demand to see my lawyer! -There must be something they can do.
MAN 2: Don't worry, you'll be fine.
MAN 1: When do we get out? CURTIS: Within hours.
-You can't do this to people in America! MAN 2: I told you to stay over there!
-My wife-- CURTIS: Government's doing what...
...they can to get you out of here. Don't worry. It's all right.
We're doing everything to make sure you're safe.
We'll get you back to your homes within hours.
MAN: All clear.
Can I help you, sir? What's your name?
-Henry. Dr. Henry Devlin. -A doctor? Good.
We need doctors in there.
Come on, laddie, I'll buy you a cup.
-You, sir, where you from? -Boston.
Beantown? Great city. We'll have you back there in no time.
Maybe by morning.
Hurry up, bucko.
You see that crud on the faces of children...
...you know why I relish a turn in the country like we had today.
You were excellent out there, O. It made me feel very proud to--
Abe? Abe, you okay?
Abe?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I must be getting too old for this shit.
I don't know what the hell that was about.
It's the only way, Owen.
We've got to cauterize the site.
They've all got to die.
It's the only way.
OWEN: But we don't know that.
Studies point to the strong possibility of recovery for many exposed subjects.
The studies show squat, that's what they show.
If Matheson had been in my spot for the last quarter-century...
...you'd have never made it to your first jerk-off.
Those gray bastards would have had you for lunch back in Armpit, Kentucky.
Some get better. At least half will be over it in a few days--
Which ones, Mother Teresa?
Can you guarantee they won't take it home like a present for the family?
I'll tell you what you should be worried about. What should be on your mind.
Not these few unfortunates.
What you should be worried about is a hitchhiker.
-What? -A hitchhiker.
Our greatest fear is that a grayboy would catch a ride...
...with somebody and would carry them out of here, without being consumed.
To scatter the infection, like Johnny-fucking-Appleseed.
-Are you sure there isn't such a person? -No.
But I am sure that if there is one he won't get out.
Not with the net my boys put up around the Blue Zone.
And if we do a thorough job on the ones we've got.
If we don't get gooey about the little picture...
...when our job is taking care of the big one.
Capisce?
Owen, if you think this is easy for me, you're crazier than my mother was.
Those poor schmucks.
They drive Chevrolets, shop at Wal-Mart...
...never miss an episode of Friends.
These are Americans.
The idea of slaughtering Americans...
...it just turns my stomach.
But I'll do it. I'll do it because it needs to be done.
So if we start at 2, we can be done by 2:30. And it's all behind us.
Except for the dreams.
Yeah, except for them.
What are you gonna tell Rita about what you did here?
What are you gonna tell Katrina when she's old enough to ask?
You know me, don't you? I don't remember when we met...
...but you know me.
We don't have time to screw around. You've got two problems.
-One you know about, one you don't. -Go ahead.
Your mentor, Colonel Curtis, he's gone insane from hunting aliens for 25 years.
Now he wants you to help him kill hundreds of innocent people.
-Who are you? -Me?
Talk about that later, once we get out of here.
-Hey. -You're predictable.
You won't let me burn on this fence...
...any more than you'll help Curtis kill those people.
What you're thinking now is whether that digital sat-scan transmitter...
...in your duffle bag will let you get through to somebody.
-Somebody named General Matheson. -Hmm.
"Sometimes we have to kill, but our real job is to save lives."
Your father was a great soldier.
Those were his last words.
You carry his picture with you always.
Tell me everything.
You'll save these people.
When we're done talking, get on the transmitter, contact Matheson.
Cavalry rides in.
That takes care of problem number one. Now comes the hard part.
You think the infection's been contained, that there's no hitchhiker.
You're wrong. He's riding with my best friend on earth.
A guy named Gary Jones. And he's out there.
You and I don't get after him right away, he'll get out of my range...
...and some kind of shit is gonna hit the planetary fan.
[GASPING]
Our nightmare hitchhiker.
And all Dr. Mystery wants is a free pass so he can catch his friend.
-Very convenient. -I'm saying you ought to hear his story.
Okay. Where is he?
Had him taken to the tractor shed.
Okay. I'll check him out and we can compare notes.
Whatever you say, boss.
Come on, come on. Time's a-wasting.
[MEN YELLING]
All right, lad, open up.
CURTIS: Dr. Boston?
Are you in here?
MAN: I'm here.
Where I've been put.
A prisoner on my own damn property.
[HELICOPTER HOVERING]
MAN: Let's go!
DEVLIN: Come on, let's go.
Get in!
You almost ran me down.
Figured you'd read my mind and get out of the way.
MAN: Blue Unit, stand down. You are under regular Army command.
-Put down your weapons at once. -Get down!
Your mission is rescinded.
This is no longer a Blue Unit operation.
Put down your arms. Repeat, put down your arms.
General Matheson has assumed command.
CURTIS: Okay, Owen.
Okay.
You just drove over the Curtis line.
-Where we going? -South.
All I know right now. Just get me in range of Jonesy...
...we'll know everything we need to know.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
[DOG YELPING]
That's some gun. Can I have a look?
-Kind of flashy for a guy like you. -lt's a gift.
I know.
Where are you, Jonesy?
Pick up the phone. Call 1 -800-HENRY.
[RINGING]
Hello? Jonesy!
Jesus Christ, I knew it was you. Where's he taking you?
Massachusetts? He is?
Duddits? Okay, I will. You hang in there, Jonesy.
Jonesy?
He hung up.
Give me back my gun.
-We gotta go to Derry. -That where they're going?
No, they're going towards Massachusetts. We need Duddits.
Jonesy says Mr. Gray is afraid of Duddits.
Your buddy, he's still alive after all this time with Mr. Gray?
Yeah, he's immune. I think it's because he died.
He got hit by a car and his heart stopped. Twice.
I don't think he even knows it.
He came back from the dead. Must have changed him somehow.
It's almost like Duddits saw this whole thing coming. Is that it?
Jonesy told me it was Duddits who drew him into the accident.
If we catch him, we're gonna have to kill him.
You know we have to do it. It's the only way to stop Mr. Gray...
...assuming we can catch him.
OWEN: When was the last time you saw Duddits?
Long time ago.
Years.
What makes you so sure he can help?
Duddits can do anything.
I didn't understand that then, but I think it's always been true.
He's the one who made us like this.
-Like what? -You know, weird.
He's been waiting for you.
DEVLIN: Blizzard slowed us up.
DUDDITS: Henny, Henny.
Henny.
I miss you, Henny.
I miss you.
Henny.
Long time, Henny. Henny.
DEVLIN: My God, Roberta, what is it? ROBERTA: Lymphocytic leukemia.
I'm gonna let you take him, but I have to tell you why.
Just now, when he was getting ready...
...Henry, he was so excited.
Like he hasn't been in such a long time.
I think...
...that if he's with you, he might die happy...
...instead of in this awful room.
Be sure the parka stays on tight. Cold devastates him.
The medication and instructions are in here.
Bye, Mom.
[ROBERTA CRYING]
ROBERTA: Goodbye, Duddie. Be a good boy.
Now, go save the world.
All right, laddie.
They haven't got enough courage to take my trailer. Not yet, anyway.
What've we got?
They're leaving Derry, Maine, heading south on 95. Toward Massachusetts.
CURTIS: Massachusetts?
[KNOCKING]
Stay with it, bucko.
General Matheson. Come in, please.
This is very nice, Abe.
CURTIS: Been home through some rough times.
Was there something we hadn't covered?
I don't think I got to say before how much I respect the work you've done.
It was with sincere regret--
Herman-- May I call you Herman?
We may not agree on all the strategic initiatives, but we do agree on this:
I'm past it. Burned out. Just needed a push, that's all.
Should have quit after that mess in Montana.
[CHUCKLING]
Even I don't trust my judgment anymore.
Oh, yeah....
My techies tell me we're getting some electronics reading hot from in here.
Yes, I've been talking to the wife on my sat phone.
I don't know if you've ever met Barbara. She's been after me for years to retire.
She's very happy, I can tell you that. I'll have everything shut down in an hour.
If that's soon enough.
That will be fine.
[DOG WHIMPERS]
[SIREN WAILING]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
How do you turn off the goddamn lights?
JONES: Maybe you shouldn't have been so fast to kill that trooper.
You're making yourself at home.
You have no idea, Jonesy. Tell me how you like this:
"Maybe you shouldn't have been so fast to kill that trooper." Not bad?
Oh, don't like that, Gary, do you?
CA VELL: Ownzy. He's in a police car now.
He's in a police car now.
Can you see where they are, Duds?
Ownzy. He's in Ister Gay.
Mr. Gray.
That's right, Duds, he is in Mr. Gray.
"Ister Gay" is Mr. Gray.
We gotta save this girl.
Save the world?
Not the world, Duds, a girl. We'll save the world some other time.
Ister Gay?
You already knew.
Where's he going, Duds?
Where is Mr. Gray taking Jonesy? Duds?
Ister Gay, he want war.
-War? -Not war, water.
Mr. Gray wants water.
I know where he's going.
-He's going to the Quabbin Reservoir. -What's Quabbin?
It supplies drinking water for all of Boston.
-Hmm. -What?
One worm kills the world.
One worm kills the world?
Oh, my God. One worm.
Back at our cabin, I saw the worms that come out of these weasels.
Mr. Gray must want to get one into the Boston drinking supply.
Just one worm infects the whole world?
-Are we going right? DEVLIN: Yes.
Take the 495 to the Mass Pike. It's not far. You're doing great, buddy.
Are you ready to try something hard? I want to ask you something hard.
Yes, Henny.
Good. Can you talk to Jonesy?
Can you make him hear you?
Ownzy...
...and Ister Gay.
Duddits.
I knew it. I knew it. He's been here all along.
Waiting.
Jonesy? It appears we didn't meet by accident.
We owe it to our friend, Duddits.
JONES: I don't know what you mean. -No? Maybe not.
Maybe your clever friend didn't want you to know what he was up to.
That's why you had nothing in the warehouse about me.
Duddits didn't bother to tell you what job he had in mind for you.
It doesn't matter.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
His little scheme didn't work. Did it, lke? No, no.
We're almost there.
What was it your poetry file had to say?
I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep
[BEEPING]
MAN: Stop that chopper!
[MEN YELLING]
JONES: Punch it, dude. Don't be a pussy.
Thank you, Gary Jones.
[LAUGHING]
Go up around the reservoir.
Aqueduct to Boston starts in Shaft 12.
[GROANING]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
MR. GRA Y : Patience, bambino.
Just up ahead.
[SINGS LULLABY]
[MR. GRA Y GRUNTS]
[DOG GROWLS]
MR. GRA Y : Shh....
[GROANS]
[GASPING]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
[WATER RUNNING]
Stay here and take care of your friend.
No matter what you hear.
So long, doctor.
[GROANING]
MR. GRA Y : Good doggy.
Good girl.
[GUNSHOTS]
Shit!
You son of a bitch!
Wait.
Go back to car, Duddie.
You'll be safer there.
[CHIRPING]
Look out, Jonesy.
I knew you'd come, Henry.
I knew you wouldn't let me die.
Who the fuck are you?
-Don't you know me, H? -I don't know.
I think I'm gonna have to shoot you.
Just to be sure.
Well, maybe you're right, my friend.
I don't know myself if Mr. Gray is gone.
He could be hiding in here somewhere...
...waiting for his chance.
Tell me something Mr. Gray couldn't possibly know.
Tell me something only we would know.
SSDD.
Not good enough.
Well, you decide. Ask me anything.
[CHIRPING]
At Tracker Brothers, day we met Duddits...
...what was painted on the wall by the window?
No...
...bounce....
No play.
Hello...
...lster Gay.
MR. GRA Y : You.
Ooby-Ooby-Doo...
...we got some work to do now.
[CLICKING]
Ister Gay...
...go away.
No!
I Duddits.
H?
Jonesy.
Jonesy, if that really is your name....
-That'll be 50 small. MOORE: Bullshit.
DUDDITS: I Duddits. ALL: I Duddits.
MOORE: They're my friends. We're all best friends.
CLARENDON: Here's to Duddits, our dreamcatcher.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]