{1}{1}23.989
{2010}{2101}Excuse me, could you tell me how|to get to the medical school?
{2100}{2193}I'm giving a lecture in 20 minutes|and my driver is a bit lost.
{2223}{2307}You go straight ahead and|make a left over the bridge.
{2385}{2458}That's a lovely accent you have.|New Jersey?
{2499}{2547}Austria.|- Austria?
{2574}{2619}Well, g'day mate!
{2685}{2750}Let's put another shrimp on my Bar-B!
{2784}{2822}Let's not.
{4854}{4913}Who's got the wiener schnitzel?
{4962}{5023}There you go, doll. There you go.
{5081}{5151}Let's see, next we've got rosbif a la jus.
{5203}{5283}Who's got the rosbif a la jus?|They were beautiful.
{5321}{5359}Walk away.
{5417}{5501}Last but not least, foot long!|Who's got the foot long?
{5587}{5650}Very funny, Rascal. In your dreams.
{5662}{5742}Harry, why haven't you dropped|those dogs off at the show you?
{5742}{5829}Sorry, couldn't send them to perform|on an empty stomach.
{5844}{5917}Get a move on.|- Yes. Mutt Cutts understood.
{6474}{6519}Sock me sideways.
{6836}{6883}Hello, how are you?
{7050}{7104}I'll be out in one minute.
{7822}{7903}Why are you going to the airport?|Flying somewhere?
{7921}{7990}How did you guess?|- I saw your luggage.
{8010}{8101}And when I saw the airline ticket,|I put two and two together.
{8105}{8171}So where right you heading?|- Aspen.
{8202}{8254}California... beautiful.
{8341}{8407}My name's Christmas. Lloyd Christmas.
{8424}{8469}I'm Mary Swanson.
{8491}{8549}This isn't my real job.|- No?
{8577}{8659}My friend Harry and I want to open|our own pet store.
{8669}{8709}That's nice.
{8733}{8795}I Got Worms.|- I beg your pardon?
{8819}{8925}That's what we want to call it: "I Got|Worms". Specializing in worm farms.
{8955}{9010}You know, like ant farms...
{9031}{9112}What's the matter?|A little tense about the flight?
{9170}{9259}Something like that.|- There's nothing to worry about, Mary.
{9280}{9365}Statistically your more likely to get killed|on the way to the airport...
{9365}{9446}like in a head-on crash or|flying off a cliff...
{9446}{9511}or trapped under a gas truck.|That's worst.
{9511}{9577}I have this cousin, had this cousin...
{9592}{9662}Lloyd, keep your eyes|on the road please?
{9724}{9822}Good thinking. Can't be too careful.|A lot of bad drivers out there.
{10286}{10378}And okay gang, you know the rules.|No humping, no pushing, no sniffing.
{10378}{10471}Where've you been? My dogs should|have been here 40 minutes ago.
{10487}{10587}Now I hardly have time to primp them.|- Don't worry, Mrs. Noogieburger.
{10596}{10641}Newborn!|- New...
{10645}{10717}Born!|- These pooches don't need primping.
{10724}{10824}Why, I bathed them and clipped them|myself. I stand by my performance.
{11157}{11235}On second thoughts,|you might want to comb them.
{11442}{11506}Thanks. Here you go.|- Oh no, Mary.
{11573}{11668}I couldn't possibly accept that.|Not after all we've been through.
{11756}{11829}Thank you, Lloyd.|Good luck with your worms.
{11967}{12011}How about a hug?
{12415}{12459}I hate goodbyes.
{12663}{12697}Lloyd!
{12737}{12772}Just go.
{13308}{13345}Be strong.
{13918}{14014}She'll leave the briefcase by|the escalator. You make the pick up.
{14037}{14079}Piece of cake.
{14294}{14336}Goodbye, my...
{14924}{14956}Mary!
{14999}{15048}There is our pay day.
{15095}{15146}She left it. Let's go...
{15146}{15202}Wxcuse me! Coming through...
{15270}{15325}Move it or lose it, sister!
{15580}{15623}Weny.. meeny...
{15645}{15687}miny... mo!
{15860}{15930}Hold that plane!|- You can't go in there.
{15971}{16028}It's okay! I'm a limo driver.
{16765}{16817}Hi, Lloyd.|- Hi, Harry.
{16849}{16934}How was your day?|- Not bad. Fell off the jetway again.
{17121}{17194}Who's he working for anyway?|- I don't know.
{17282}{17333}But we better find out.
{17457}{17509}The ulcer?|- I'll live.
{17737}{17797}You got fired again?|- Oh yeah!
{17827}{17919}They always freak out when|you leave the scene of an accident.
{17959}{18011}Well, I lost my job too.
{18033}{18093}Man, you are one pathetic loser.
{18177}{18231}No offence.|- None taken.
{18364}{18427}You know what really chaps my ass?
{18431}{18510}I spent my life savings|turning my van into a dog.
{18533}{18603}Hi, Pete.|- The alarm alone cost me 200.
{18633}{18703}The chicks love it. It's a shagging wagon.
{18744}{18798}What's with the briefcase?
{18878}{18969}It's a love memento to the most beautiful|woman in the world.
{18993}{19084}I drove her to the airport,|sparks flew, emotions ran high...
{19134}{19208}She actually talked to me.|- Get out of here!
{19269}{19330}Tractor beam, sucked me right in.
{19384}{19421}Anyway...
{19458}{19539}she left this, flew to Aspen|and out of my life.
{19588}{19628}What's in it?
{19669}{19766}Man, I'm not a low life who roots round|in other people's property.
{19813}{19879}And is it locked?|- Yes, really well.
{20086}{20151}There's two of them. One's got a gun.
{20192}{20245}Did you pay the gas bill?
{20330}{20405}You realize what you've done?|- I say we bail.
{20680}{20764}The briefcase ain't here.|He must've taken it with him.
{20793}{20842}Well he's got to come home some time.
{20842}{20931}Maybe we should trash the place.|Send him a little message.
{20954}{21053}I don't think he'll get the message.|He has worms in his living room.
{21127}{21178}I've got a better idea.
{21265}{21336}I tought I taw a puddy tat. I did, I did...
{21645}{21741}We drove around all day and|there's not a single job in this town.
{21753}{21808}There's nothing, nada, zip!
{21817}{21887}Unless you want to work|40 hours a week!
{21903}{21960}Here. I'm going to the store.
{21969}{22064}Just get the essentials. That's our dough.|- What do I look like?
{22998}{23032}Cripes!
{23257}{23314}Wxcuse me... little old lady.
{23463}{23544}You have change of a dollar?|- Change? No I'm sorry.
{23598}{23697}Well, could you do me a favor?|Watch my stuff while I break a dollar?
{23731}{23779}Of course.|- Thanks.
{23823}{23923}I guess that senior citizens may be|slow and dangerous at the wheel...
{23971}{24037}but they can still serve a purpose.
{24043}{24117}I'll be right back.|Don't you go dying on me.
{24288}{24334}Where's the booze?
{24345}{24428}I got rolled by a sweet old lady|on a motorized cart.
{24442}{24498}I didn't even see it coming.
{24641}{24694}Come on, Harry. Cheer up.
{24713}{24782}It gets worse, Lloyd. My parakeet Pete...
{24848}{24887}is dead.
{24992}{25054}Oh man, I'm sorry. What happened?
{25103}{25172}His head fell off.|- His head fell off?
{25217}{25268}Yes, he was pretty old.
{25382}{25448}That's it. I've had it with this dump.
{25481}{25534}We got no food, no job...
{25557}{25644}our pet heads are falling off.|- Okay, just calm down.
{25658}{25756}And what the hell are we doing here,|Harry? We've got to leave town.
{25773}{25850}And go where? Where to?|- I'll tell you where...
{25899}{25977}Some place warm.|Where the beer flows like wine.
{26016}{26104}Where beautiful women flock|like the salmon of Capastrano.
{26159}{26231}I'm talking about a little place like Aspen.
{26293}{26378}I don't know, the French are assholes.|Wait a minute...
{26457}{26518}I know what you're up to, mister!
{26537}{26635}You just wanna go to Aspen and|find the girl who lost her briefcase.
{26655}{26732}And you need me to drive you there.|Am I right?
{26732}{26783}Am I right?|- Yes, so?
{26844}{26941}So I want to go where somebody|can plug us into the social pipeline.
{26952}{26998}No, no, no, Lloyd!
{27020}{27115}And I say we stay here, hunt for jobs|and save for the worm store.
{27170}{27273}I don't know about you, but I'm sick and|tired of running from creditors.
{27313}{27367}You know what I'm sick of?
{27415}{27490}I'm sick of having to eek|my way through life.
{27608}{27685}And I'm sick of being nobody.|But most of all...
{27858}{27915}I'm sick of having nobody.
{28003}{28042}Okay, Lloyd.
{28135}{28175}Aspen it is.
{28260}{28316}You'd better not be fooling.
{28465}{28532}Okay, just let it out. Have a good cry.
{28690}{28736}Okay that's enough.
{29067}{29113}Lloyd, what are you doing?
{29113}{29186}It feels like|you're running incredibly fast, Harry.
{29186}{29278}We're not even through Connecticut|yet and you're annoying me.
{29314}{29382}We're really doing it, aren't we buddy?
{29416}{29508}Hey, where d'you get those?|- I bought them when we filled up.
{29530}{29627}We're supposed to talk about|expenditures. We're on a tight budget.
{29673}{29783}This didn't come out of the travel fund.|I raised 25 bucks extra before we left.
{29862}{29918}Were you get 25 extra bucks?
{29928}{29990}I sold some stuff to Billy in 4-C.
{30018}{30059}The blind kid?
{30163}{30220}What did you sell him, Lloyd?
{30252}{30309}Stuff.|- What kind of stuff?
{30346}{30429}I don't know... baseball cards...|a bag of marbles...
{30466}{30501}Pete...
{30510}{30582}Pete? You sold my dead bird|to a blind kid?
{30729}{30816}Pete didn't even have a head.|- Harry, I took care of it.
{30928}{30998}Pretty bird. Can you say "pretty bird".
{31034}{31096}Pretty bird. You're a pretty bird.
{31133}{31173}Pretty bird.
{31263}{31312}Polly want a cracker?
{31314}{31394}Dear Gas Man. Packed up and drove to Aspin|Sorry about the $. Lloyd and Harry
{31403}{31482}The red bastards.|They're rubbing it in our faces.
{31496}{31590}Andre, wilI have a hemorrhage|if we don't get the briefcase back.
{31595}{31675}They've been following us for weeks.|- Why you say?
{31696}{31761}Gas man. How did they know I got gas?
{31789}{31837}They got to be pros.
{31872}{31939}Don't worry, we'll get that money back.
{31977}{32030}I'll tell you something else...
{32030}{32114}they ain't never getting to Aspen.|I'lI see to that.
{32289}{32374}They got The Monkeys.|A major influence on the Beatles.
{32461}{32506}Wxcuse me, Flo...
{32716}{32767}Flo... like the TV show.
{32850}{32932}What is the soup du jour?|- It's the soup of the day.
{32973}{33034}That sounds good. I'lI have that.
{33155}{33250}Feels good to mingle with|these laid-back country folk, don't it?
{33273}{33317}I like it a lot.
{33400}{33446}What's the matter?
{33505}{33571}You spilt the salt. That's the matter.
{33594}{33657}Spilling the saIt is very bad luck.
{33675}{33764}Driving across country,|the last thing we need is bad luck.
{33782}{33850}Toss some salt over your right shoulder.
{33939}{33981}What the hell?!
{34050}{34137}Okay, who's the dead man|that hit me with the salt shaker?
{34425}{34523}It was a terrible mistake, sir.|I'd never offend a man of your size.
{34599}{34650}Take his ass, Sea Bass.
{34722}{34789}You gonna eat that?|- What that? No...
{34832}{34879}It crossed my mind.
{35161}{35213}You really went out man.
{35245}{35306}What are you talking about, went out?
{35306}{35362}The guy hawked on my burger.
{35419}{35464}I think I just...
{35483}{35534}Yes, I just had an idea.
{35656}{35693}Follow me.
{35880}{35955}Wxcuse me, guys?|- What the hell do you want?
{35991}{36046}I just want to apologize...
{36064}{36139}for that unpleasant scene|a little earlier.
{36141}{36191}My friend Harry and I...
{36191}{36269}would like to buy you guys|a round of beers...
{36325}{36412}just to bury the hatchet.|- Make it for Blothermakers.
{36426}{36516}Whatever you want, sir.|I'lI have the waitress bring it over.
{36602}{36685}What're you doing?|We can't afford to buy them drinks.
{36777}{36815}Wxcuse me.
{36843}{36926}Sea Bass and the fellas|offered to pick up our check.
{36926}{37004}They said put it on their tab.|They're very nice.
{37082}{37144}Sea Bass said that?|- Well, if...
{37178}{37249}that the guy at the table is Sea Bass...
{37432}{37497}All right, if that's what he wants...
{37527}{37584}Put these on there too, okay?
{37749}{37809}I'll kill those sons of bitches.
{37948}{38046}That was genius, Lloyd. Where did you|come up with a scam like that?
{38080}{38154}I saw in a movie once.|- That was incredible.
{38185}{38284}What happened? Some sucker picked|up his tab and he got away with it?
{38298}{38406}No, in the movie they caught up half|a mile down the road and slit his throat.
{38432}{38478}It was a good one.
{38651}{38749}I know this isn't the best time,|but can you pull over? I got to pee.
{38776}{38848}Are you crazy? Not now.|- But I gotta go...
{38887}{38988}Wizz in one of the empty beer bottles|in the back. They're on the floor.
{39254}{39297}Watch the seat!
{39610}{39657}What? What's wrong?
{39674}{39730}The bottle's almost full,|and I'm still going.
{39730}{39801}So stop.|- I can't stop once I've started.
{39850}{39925}Quick give me another bottle.|Come on, hurry!
{40140}{40178}Hold that.
{40345}{40387}Hold that one.
{40415}{40492}Hurry, I'm pitching it.|- What are you, a camel?
{40628}{40665}Pull over.
{40779}{40817}Pull over.
{40852}{40925}No it's a cardigan,|but thanks for noticing.
{40947}{40993}Killer boots, man.
{41006}{41078}Pull your vehicle|to the side of the road.
{41287}{41348}License and registration, please.
{41457}{41541}You fellas were going a little fast,|wouldn't you say?
{41578}{41657}You fellas been doing a bit of boozing,|have you?
{41673}{41735}Socking back Grandpa's|old cough medicine?
{41735}{41777}No, oh no sir.
{41810}{41855}Well what's that?
{41916}{41978}That's nothing, sir.|- Nothing...
{41981}{42039}Are you aware that it's against the law...
{42039}{42133}to have an open alcohol container in|the car in Pennsylvania?
{42168}{42251}Give me that booze,|you pumpkin-pie haircutted freak..
{42476}{42541}Sir, no...|- No, sir. Don't drink...
{42541}{42632}You'd keep your mouth shut|if you knew what was good for you.
{43038}{43108}Tic-tac, sir?|- Get the hell out of here.
{43261}{43348}How could they not have the ransom?|It doesn't make sense.
{43371}{43449}I left the money exactly|where they instructed me to.
{43449}{43498}It makes perfect sense, Mary.
{43498}{43572}We should have called the police|when Bobby was kidnapped.
{43572}{43631}We've been through this, Helen.
{43642}{43679}Mr Andr,.
{43695}{43744}Nicolas...|- Carl...
{43806}{43878}Any word yet, sir?|- Nothing yet, Nicholas.
{43932}{43999}I've been giving this a lot of thought.
{44021}{44095}Maybe we should cancel|the benefit this week.
{44113}{44209}We shouldn't do anything unusual.|- She's right, we must carry on.
{44260}{44354}Wspecially you, Mary.|- I have to act as if everything was fine?
{44386}{44452}Wxactly.|- Go skiing, act normally...
{44492}{44558}We can't let on that anything's wrong.
{44570}{44657}If the press gets wind of this,|the kidnappers may panic.
{44725}{44787}You never know what they might do.
{46160}{46239}So he says, do you love me?|And she says "No"...
{46251}{46309}but that's a nice ski-mask!
{46458}{46498}What's that?
{51364}{51413}You want me to drive?
{51434}{51475}No, I'm cool.
{51572}{51662}I don't know. These places just|bring back a lot of memories.
{51707}{51782}What happened. Harry?|Did some filly break your heart?
{51782}{51844}No, it was a girl. Fraida Felcher.
{51870}{51957}We stayed in a place like this.|Not this classy, but nice.
{51994}{52062}Felcher, from Cranston?|- You know her?
{52094}{52169}Yes! I mean, I remember|you talking about her.
{52274}{52337}We had an incredibly romantic time.
{52351}{52417}I thought we'd be together for ever...
{52422}{52503}but a week later she sent me|a John Deere letter.
{52522}{52595}She give you any reason?|- I called her up.
{52600}{52695}She gave me some crap about me not|listening to her. I don't know.
{52722}{52810}But what hurt most was: I think|she was seeing another guy.
{52905}{52955}I never found out who.
{53026}{53089}Mr Andr,, guess who we bumped into?
{53206}{53263}It all ends in a phone booth.
{53278}{53351}Yeah, the boys are holed up|in a love nest.
{53385}{53435}They're a bit strange.
{53450}{53524}What the hell are they up to?|Are they Feds?
{53565}{53609}Highly unlikely!
{53669}{53749}You ever heard of the concept|of "other people"?
{53800}{53856}Me being that for the phone?
{53919}{53990}You turned your back on me.|He got me mad.
{54009}{54095}You were supposed to grab that bag!|- Your drink, honey.
{54227}{54265}Hold on...
{54344}{54390}Get off the phone.
{54445}{54490}Get off the phone.
{54709}{54773}I'm sorry, Mr Andr, you were saying?
{54801}{54877}These jokers have a lot of money|and it's mine!
{54885}{54966}I want to know who they are|and what they're doing!
{54976}{55034}I told you already: I'm on it.
{55089}{55121}Good!
{55189}{55253}Come on Joe, let me do both of them.
{55260}{55320}You wouldn't have to worry about it.
{55320}{55395}Just shut up. We don't|even know who they are.
{55412}{55487}You don't kill people you don't know.|That's a rule.
{55487}{55554}Come up here and lie on the front seat.
{55555}{55634}When they pick me up, you follow us.|You got that?
{55662}{55710}Hey, here they come!
{55727}{55765}Stay down.
{56037}{56102}Say, are you guys going to Davenport?
{56106}{56170}My car died and I'm late for lunch.
{56231}{56296}We usually don't pick up hitchhikers.
{56324}{56393}But I'll go with my instinct on this one.
{56416}{56463}Saddle up. Partner!
{56523}{56560}You're it!
{56567}{56605}You're it!
{56606}{56663}Quitsies...|Anti-quitsies...
{56669}{56711}You can't do that!|- Can too!
{56711}{56773}You can't!|Can do; double stamp that!
{56773}{56839}Can not! Triple stamp it! No racies...
{56850}{56957}You can't triple stamp a double stamp!|You can't triple stamp a double stamp!
{56966}{56995}Lloyd!
{56995}{57036}Guys! Wnough!
{57157}{57241}Hey, want to hear the most|annoying sound in the world?
{57334}{57379}Guys! Guys! Guys!
{57449}{57485}Fellas...
{57517}{57584}You think we could listen to the radio?
{57639}{57709}Radio? Who needs the radio?|Ready, Harry?
{57792}{57826}Mock...
{57845}{57881}ing...
{57887}{57923}bird.
{57995}{58073}Mocking bird, don't everybody...|have you heard?
{58113}{58180}She's going to buy me a mocking bird...
{58213}{58281}And if that's mocking bird don't sing...
{58309}{58376}She's going to buy me a diamond ring...
{58620}{58689}You want an atomic pepper,|Mr Mentalino?
{58765}{58845}You guys go ahead.|- I'll do it if you will, Lloyd.
{58866}{58928}Okay, you go first.|- No, you go.
{58952}{58996}No, you.|- You.
{59032}{59097}I always go.|- Why don't you guys...
{59108}{59199}stop acting like a pair of pussies|and go at the same time.
{59280}{59357}That sounds like a dare, Harry.|- It's a double dare!
{59357}{59401}Okay, you're on.
{59611}{59681}It's not so bad.|- More tingly than hot.
{60047}{60119}If you'll excuse me,|I gotta use the phone.
{60147}{60196}Wnjoy your meal, guys.
{60264}{60309}Lloyd, this helps.
{60348}{60390}That was good.
{60554}{60600}Here it is, Mental.
{60609}{60682}I'm sitting down to nice meal|with our boys.
{60694}{60767}Don't forget|the bread plate is on the left!.
{60767}{60851}I can't have them running around Aspen.|- Don't worry.
{60869}{60977}They won't be running around anywhere|with rat poison in their Shirley Temple.
{61174}{61216}Here he comes.
{61270}{61352}Feeling better?|- Much better, thank you for asking.
{61540}{61605}Why are you going to Aspen, vacation?
{61621}{61689}Why don't you eat up and we'll tell you.
{61711}{61797}You didn't pack much. I just saw|one bag and a briefcase.
{61868}{61951}The briefcase isn't ours.|A lady left at the airport.
{61954}{62037}We're just bringing it back to her.|How's your burger?
{62079}{62140}You mean you don't even know her?
{62301}{62375}Talk about the wrong place|at the wrong time!
{63215}{63274}You okay, man? It was just a goof.
{63274}{63317}Ouch, my ulcer.
{63362}{63438}My pills.|- Maybe we should call an ambulance.
{63457}{63533}You'll get your pills.|Don't worry, I know CPR.
{63544}{63590}I'll get the pills.
{63965}{64032}It's a lot easier if you just lay back.
{64072}{64118}He's resisting me.
{64138}{64173}Pills...
{64185}{64256}Pills are good for you.|- Let 'em go down.
{64273}{64315}That's better.
{64342}{64412}You want to ketchup|and mustard like us?
{64580}{64623}Some of a bitch!
{64899}{64940}Check please!
{65030}{65077}I can't believe it.
{65094}{65150}Life's a fragile thing here.
{65162}{65254}One minute you're chewing on a burger,|the next you're dead meat.
{65254}{65327}But he blamed me.|You heard his last words.
{65389}{65454}Not if you count the gurgling sounds.
{65545}{65611}He was poisoned?|- No doubt about it.
{65628}{65688}We found these next to the body.
{65708}{65797}The waitress says he came in|with a couple of younger guys.
{65815}{65890}They called the ambulance,|then they hit the road.
{65890}{65933}Any idea where there were going?
{65933}{66030}We have a report they were seen|going west on the I-80 to Colorado.
{66046}{66104}You got a make on the vehicle?
{66124}{66181}Yes, they're driving an 84...
{66237}{66277}sheepdog.
{67688}{67726}Skis, huh?
{67752}{67802}That's right.|- Great.
{67819}{67860}They're yours?
{67897}{67930}Uhuh.
{68008}{68049}Both of them?
{68170}{68202}Cool!
{68298}{68369}Wxcuse me, but|you're spraying everywhere.
{69714}{69805}That's a lot of luggage for a vacation.|- I'm moving to Aspen.
{69816}{69901}I've got a get away from my boyfriend.|He such a klutz.
{69904}{69993}My astrologer told me to stay away|from accident-prone guys.
{70140}{70196}Here, it's a little loose...
{70219}{70269}Hey, no... allow me...
{70285}{70338}I've got a thing, here.
{70586}{70645}I'm heading up to Aspen myself.
{70668}{70750}Maybe we could meet up|and drink some hot chocolate.
{70792}{70854}Sure, why not?|You seem harmless.
{70866}{70937}I'll give you my number.|Let's find a pen.
{70937}{70998}I know I have one here somewhere.
{71014}{71106}Just tell it to me, I have a good memory.|- The number is 555:
{71158}{71223}90... sorry, that's my old number.
{71231}{71324}You mind sometimes goes blank.|- Just give me that damn number!
{71363}{71422}You gonna get pushy, forget it.
{71598}{71667}Find a happy place.|Find a happy place.
{72873}{72956}Any sign of them yet?|- We're expecting them shortly.
{72957}{73043}A motorist saw them about 30 miles back|heading this way.
{73166}{73246}I told you what happened, okay?|- Okay, sure thing.
{73289}{73349}A look, were almost in Colorado.
{73364}{73449}Shall we change seats?|I've been driving for nine hours.
{73455}{73529}I don't have the energy|to start a new state.
{73568}{73620}Hey guys. Big gulps, huh?
{73678}{73720}See you later.
{73812}{73868}Hey, Harry. I've got some...
{73991}{74074}Some people just weren't cut out|for life on the road.
{74939}{75015}I was wondering when|you were going to get up.
{75061}{75114}How long have I been out?
{75151}{75205}I'd say a good five hours.
{75363}{75447}I expected the Rocky Mountains|to be rockier than this.
{75502}{75560}I was thinking the same thing.
{75583}{75649}That John Denver is full of shit, man.
{75745}{75824}I'm only human, Harry.|Anyone can make a mistake.
{75886}{75941}Come on, stop being a baby.
{75974}{76028}So we backtracked a tad...
{76083}{76170}A tad? You drove a sixth|of the way across the country...
{76227}{76281}in the wrong direction!
{76326}{76415}Now we don't have enough money|to get Aspen, to get home...
{76441}{76518}to eat. We don't have|enough money to sleep!
{76604}{76669}We can't sit here and whine about it.
{76697}{76778}We're in a hole and we'lI have|to dig ourselves out.
{76859}{76932}Okay. You'll right,|you're absolutely right.
{76940}{77015}Where are you going?|- Home, I'm walking home.
{77099}{77155}Well, pardon me, Mr Perfect!
{77195}{77268}I guess I forgot:|you never make a mistake!
{78446}{78524}Got room for one more,|if you wanna go to Aspen.
{78545}{78623}Where did you find that?|- Some kid back in town.
{78660}{78722}Traded the van for it straight up.
{78730}{78787}I can get 70 mpg on this hog.
{78922}{79001}Lloyd, when I think|you couldn't be any dumber...
{79101}{79168}you go and do something like this...
{79206}{79265}and totally redeem yourself!
{79345}{79387}Still wanna go to Aspen?
{79387}{79436}Okay, let's go, buddy.
{79577}{79627}Go west. Go west, boy.
{80775}{80839}I gotta stop and go to the bathroom.
{80892}{80932}Just go, man.
{81029}{81078}That's nice and warm.
{82597}{82637}We're there.
{82884}{82945}It got a little dippy back there.
{83037}{83126}Isn't this incredible?|What more could two single guys want?
{83150}{83196}How about some food?
{83196}{83271}I swallowed a June bug|when we were driving, I'm full.
{83271}{83312}I'm starving.
{83352}{83424}Jesus, look at the butt on that.|- Yeah...
{83470}{83518}he must work out.
{83527}{83600}Why don't we deliver|the briefcase to Mary?
{83619}{83705}If I know her, she'll invite us in|for tea and strumpets.
{83723}{83799}Good plan, where does she live?|- I don't know.
{83833}{83882}What's her last name?
{83963}{84027}I don't recall. It starts with an S.
{84076}{84131}Swin... Swamie... Slippy...
{84163}{84249}Slappy, Slimin, Solomon, Simin, Sal,|Swenson, Swanson...
{84282}{84324}Look on the briefcase.|- Yes.
{84324}{84422}It's right here. Samsonite. I was way off.|But it started with an S.
{84510}{84587}I'm not seeing it here.|- She must be unlisted.
{84685}{84735}Great. What we do now?
{84885}{84937}I can't feel my fingers.
{84969}{85010}They're numb.
{85104}{85195}Maybe you should wear these extra|gloves. My hands are sweaty.
{85256}{85297}Wxtra gloves?
{85315}{85380}You had extra gloves the whole time?
{85474}{85529}Yeah, we're in the Rockies.
{85595}{85642}I'm gonna kill you.
{85707}{85774}I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.
{85787}{85848}Calm down.|- I'm gonna kill you.
{85861}{85927}You got that crazy looking you arrive.
{86023}{86076}I know what I'm gonna do.
{86083}{86163}I'm gonna do what I should've|done a long time ago.
{86188}{86274}Don't do anything foolish.|- Foolish? This isn't foolish.
{86290}{86371}I'm gonna toss this damn curse|into that damn pond.
{86486}{86534}I'll do it.|- No...
{86689}{86741}Your hands are freezing.
{87056}{87151}Okay, here's the plan. We borrow|a few bucks from the briefcase...
{87209}{87310}and find some reasonable lodgings.|- And we'll keep track with lOUs.
{87322}{87405}We'll pay back whatever we borrow,|to the last penny.
{87421}{87501}That's what we're good for.|- Our word is our bond.
{87544}{87615}This is the presidential suite,|gentlemen.
{87653}{87727}Normally reserved for royalty,|dignitaries...
{87756}{87846}stars of stage and screen.|The Wmperor of Japan is coming.
{87897}{87957}Prince Charles and Di,|when they were together...
{87957}{88034}used to frequent the hotel.|- We'll take it.
{88748}{88791}There you go...
{88852}{88911}There you go... there you go...
{89778}{89851}Oh boy, this is living, huh?|What's on next?
{89896}{89950}I don't know, let me look.
{90004}{90048}Lloyd, you okay?
{90069}{90122}Harry, it's Mary.|- Who?
{90173}{90225}Mary with the briefcase.
{90231}{90271}Mary Swanson.
{90313}{90351}Swanson...
{90367}{90439}wool hast a noo...|...host an annual...
{90517}{90584}annual meeting of t-h-e...|- The...
{90727}{90789}the inter...|- It's a big one...
{90789}{90872}lnternational preservation society...|tomorrow night.
{90934}{91010}Come on, Cinderella.|You got to go to the ball.
{93784}{93859}Thanks Barn... There you go.|- Thank you sir.
{94284}{94337}Okay, okay, okay. Cripes!
{94579}{94616}Time out.
{94650}{94749}Wxcuse me, gentlemen. This is|a 500 dollar-a-plate dinner. Goodnight.
{94765}{94838}500? No problem here.|Put us down for four.
{94892}{94944}In case we want seconds.
{95110}{95176}Jesus Christ, it's them.|- Them who?
{95193}{95249}The guys who whacked Mental.
{95317}{95394}Can't you feel it Harry,|this is our big chance.
{95424}{95503}We just have to show some class...|and sophistication...
{95503}{95581}and we're in like a dirty shirt.|- That's no problem, Lloyd.
{95581}{95642}Look at the fun bags on that hound.
{95642}{95728}I could eat her liver with beans|and a bottle of Chianti.
{95823}{95892}Come on, let's get|some loud-mouth soup.
{95954}{96013}Bartender, two Martinis please.
{96057}{96107}Your attention please.
{96110}{96197}The Aspen Preservation Society|is the foremost defender...
{96220}{96276}of 23 endangered species.
{96288}{96367}It is with tremendous honor|we asked Mr Swanson...
{96417}{96483}to introduces us to the 24th. Carl?
{96668}{96756}Ladies and gentlemen...|I give you the lcelandic Snow Owl.
{96975}{97041}These magnificent specimens are 1/7...
{97056}{97127}of the snow owl population|left on the planet.
{97127}{97207}And God willing,|with your help and the society...
{97243}{97326}these wonderful creatures|will flourish once more.
{97332}{97400}Thank you again|and enjoy your evening.
{97468}{97531}Can I have some pistachios, please?
{97570}{97619}And another one of those.
{97619}{97700}Would you calm down?|I've never seen you so nervous.
{97746}{97814}Keep an eye on them, Shay.|A close eye.
{97830}{97929}I'm ready for commitment. The first time|I set eyes on Mary Swanson...
{97958}{98034}I got that old-fashioned|romantic feeling...
{98049}{98148}that I do anything to bone her.|- That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
{98213}{98261}Oh my, there she is.
{98280}{98351}Wow, you weren't kidding.|She's an angel.
{98444}{98519}What are you waiting for?|Go and talk to her.
{98634}{98718}She's going to think I'm a psycho|that I came so far...
{98739}{98827}But you have the briefcase.|She'll be thrilled to see you.
{98897}{98946}Wait, I have an idea.
{98984}{99056}Why don't you go|and introduces yourself...
{99081}{99176}and build me up. Then I won't have|to brag about myseIf later.
{99192}{99269}Tell her I'm rich...|and good-looking... and...
{99302}{99384}and have a rapist wit.|- Know, I don't think I...
{99439}{99474}Come on.
{99493}{99545}Okay. What you gonna do?
{99583}{99661}I'm gonna hang by the bar|and put out the 'vibe'.
{99996}{100058}Nice set of hooters you got there.
{100095}{100167}I beg your pardon?|- The owls... beautiful.
{100323}{100385}Are you a bird lover?|- Me? No...
{100394}{100484}I used to have a parakeet,|but my main expertise is canines.
{100556}{100611}Dogs... for the lay person.
{100651}{100687}Thanks...
{100718}{100794}I love dogs do.|How are you involved with them?
{100829}{100920}I trained them, bathed them,|clipped them, and even bred them.
{100942}{101034}Oh really? Any unusual breeding?|- No, mostly just doggy style.
{101071}{101144}One time we mated|a Bulldog with a Shitzu...
{101208}{101257}Really? That's weird.
{101288}{101346}Yeah, we called it a Bullshit.
{101622}{101695}Anyway, the real reason|I came over here...
{101723}{101795}was to introduce you to|a buddy of mine.
{101806}{101866}Mary, haven't met your friend...
{101882}{101970}Well actually we haven't been|introduced. I'm Mary Swanson.
{101989}{102065}Hi, Harry Dunne.|- This is my stepmother Helen.
{102084}{102148}Harry Dunne. A pleasure to meet you.
{102148}{102222}I saw you come in and|was hoping to meet you.
{102248}{102313}You were?|- That tuxedo is fabulous.
{102362}{102441}I love a man with a sense of humor.|So does Mary.
{102484}{102519}Really?
{102552}{102597}About my friend...
{102626}{102709}When you doing tomorrow?|Mary wants to hit the slopes.
{102728}{102764}She what?
{102784}{102860}Helen, you're embarrassing me.|- Well, you are.
{102875}{102961}After all, the snow will be gone|in a couple of weeks...
{102964}{103041}this may be a last chance.|The poor thing never gets out.
{103041}{103115}What do you say, Mr Dunne?|Are you available?
{103127}{103210}I don't know, my friend...|- Forget about your friend.
{103210}{103300}I think you kids'lI have a great time.|- Well, I don't know.
{103378}{103422}Sure, what time?
{103558}{103621}How come you didn't bring her over?
{103643}{103728}Relax, you're golden. You have|a date with her tomorrow.
{103762}{103805}I love you, man.
{103876}{103927}Okay, you're kissing me.
{104041}{104108}This calls for a little of the bubbly.
{104132}{104207}You're going to be|my best man here, I promise.
{104207}{104290}You've earned yourseIf a seat|at the head table, pal.
{104295}{104348}We already got the tuxes.
{104626}{104683}Well, this party really died.
{104841}{104896}Maybe it was a coincidence.
{104908}{104967}"Maybe it was a coincidence".
{104974}{105024}It was a message, Shay.
{105055}{105130}We killed their bird,|they killed one of ours.
{105227}{105297}How can anybody whack a bird|with a cork?
{105303}{105378}These guys aren't just anybody.|They're good.
{105796}{105836}Hey, coming.
{105967}{106004}Thank you.
{106406}{106442}Ma'am...
{106530}{106579}Beautiful outfit, sir.
{106643}{106682}Here you go.
{106960}{107033}How you doing?|We don't open for 45 minutes.
{107106}{107183}I'm meeting somebody.|Mind if I wait at the bar?
{107214}{107253}Come on in.
{107332}{107427}It's a beautiful day, huh?|- Yes, and a wonderful time. Thank you.
{107495}{107559}God, it feels so good to get up here.
{107559}{107637}I haven't been outside much.|- Oh yeah? Why not?
{107708}{107770}There's been some family problems.
{107803}{107878}I don't want to bore you with those.|- Thanks.
{107926}{107966}Look, frost.
{108064}{108098}Harry?
{108191}{108258}Are you okay?|- I do it all the time.
{108652}{108689}Hi there.
{108718}{108757}Say, kids...
{108775}{108837}d'you have a cup of warm water?
{109022}{109080}Wxcuse me, is it 10 a. m. yet?
{109168}{109205}It's one.
{109264}{109345}That's what I have too.|I thought maybe it was fast.
{109459}{109534}She's running late?|- Just a couple of hours.
{109554}{109641}You know girls... when|they're excited about something...
{109649}{109709}everything has to be perfect.
{109905}{109950}This one's on me.
{109991}{110027}Yippie...
{110058}{110103}A Chablis please.
{110130}{110164}Hello.
{110324}{110367}A bad day, huh?
{110401}{110435}Me too.
{110456}{110544}Wverything is being bad since|I broke up with my boyfriend.
{111010}{111073}My God. You poor guy. Does it hurt?
{111086}{111149}I'm fine. I shaved a sheet for you.
{111174}{111241}Listen, this is silly. Let me help you.
{111263}{111318}It'll only hurt for moment.
{111360}{111394}Ready?
{114191}{114273}I said to myself: run before|this man kills you both.
{114297}{114379}You know what the klutz did?|- No, and I don't care.
{114426}{114516}He came home one night dead drunk|and wanted to fix the sink.
{114551}{114631}Anyway. Let's talk about you.|How come you're here?
{114666}{114703}Bartender.
{114774}{114844}You wouldn't happen|to know Mary Swanson?
{114874}{114949}Mary Swanson?|She comes in here all the time.
{115014}{115095}What's that supposed to mean?|- She has dinner here.
{115136}{115174}I'm sorry.
{115302}{115355}You know where she lives?
{115383}{115461}Her family has the big place|up on Alpine Drive.
{115467}{115519}Alpine Drive? Big place?
{115732}{115769}No way...
{115822}{115863}That's great.
{115877}{115927}We landed on the moon!
{116112}{116191}Today was just what I needed.|Thanks a lot, Harry.
{116219}{116272}It was my pleasure, Mary.
{116362}{116467}You'll pick me up tonight at 7.45?|- I've got a few things to take care of.
{116508}{116578}Why don't we make it 1/4 to 8?|- Stop it!
{116650}{116689}Okay, 7.45.
{116790}{116823}Bye...
{117911}{117996}It doesn't make a sense.|She told me ten o'clock sharp.
{118006}{118072}You went to the right bar?|- Oh yeah.
{118120}{118192}I'm pretty sure.|Lobby bar... in the lobby.
{118305}{118370}Maybe she just had a change of heart.
{118374}{118457}That really pisses me off.|I hate when women do that.
{118505}{118575}She wanted to see you again.|And now no?
{118596}{118638}Wait a minute!
{118672}{118740}She must've meant ten o'clock at night.
{118788}{118870}D'you think?|- Why would she meet in a bar at 10 am?
{118895}{118960}I figured she was a raging alcoholic.
{119114}{119203}And all this time I be going through|such pain and anguish.
{119244}{119295}Such hell, for nothing!
{119321}{119382}That's funny.|That's good stuff.
{119419}{119514}Listen... looks like your night's planned,|so I'll catch a flick.
{119631}{119678}Ten in the morning!
{120121}{120171}Hey Harry, old buddy...
{120222}{120290}Join me in a good luck toast|before you head out?
{120290}{120357}Fine, whatever will help your chances.
{120379}{120419}Yes siree...
{120475}{120561}You know why I like you, Harry?|And you're a regular guy.
{120613}{120679}That's why I want you to stay regular.
{120700}{120773}One haIf teaspoon|for fast effective relief.
{121329}{121395}To my friend Harry.|The match-maker.
{121435}{121479}Get out of here.
{122152}{122215}Hi, the door's open, come upstairs.
{122373}{122454}Make yourseIf at home.|I'm almost ready, one minute.
{122464}{122506}Sounds good...
{124548}{124600}Harry, are you in there?
{124640}{124681}Be right out.
{124692}{124770}I hope you weren't using the toilet,|it's broken.
{124849}{124901}The toilet doesn't flush.
{124935}{124994}I was just shaving.|- Shaving?
{125040}{125119}I was running little late|and wanted to save time.
{125219}{125295}Okay, I'll be in the kitchen|when you're ready.
{125814}{125921}Tomorrow in A Current Affair: in the home|of the Menendez Brothers' attorney.
{125934}{126020}Will be back in a minute with the|heartbreaking story...
{126040}{126137}of the blind Rhode Island boy|duped into buying a dead parakeet.
{126159}{126220}I just thought he was real quiet.
{126351}{126405}Who are these sick people?
{126521}{126553}Hi...
{126628}{126668}Remember me?
{126729}{126768}Not really.
{126789}{126828}Providence.
{126867}{126945}I drove you to the airport last week.|- My God...
{126995}{127061}Lloyd, right?|- You remember my name!
{127134}{127219}What are you doing in Aspen?|- I brought you your briefcase.
{127219}{127284}You left it at the airport, you goof.
{127315}{127365}You have my briefcase?
{127391}{127477}I have it at my hotel.|Jump on the bike, we'll go get it.
{127498}{127534}Unless...
{127561}{127603}you're busy.
{127619}{127676}No, you just wait right here.
{127836}{127892}Come on, flush, you bastard.
{128002}{128065}Harry, what are you doing in there?
{128084}{128134}I'm cleaning my teeth.
{128181}{128260}Something important came up,|I've got to run out.
{128293}{128359}It's an emergency. I'll explain later.
{128643}{128691}Race you to the top.
{128969}{129003}I won.
{129041}{129120}Look familiar?|- I don't believe it. You have it.
{129147}{129254}When Lloyd Christmas drives a woman|to the airport, she gets all her luggage.
{129285}{129355}That's my whole philosophy.|- lncredible.
{129359}{129421}You drove 2000 miles|just for me?
{129514}{129575}I didn't really have a lot to do.
{129656}{129736}And I know how frustrating|it can be to lose a bag.
{129777}{129829}That is so sweet, Lloyd.
{130192}{130289}Look Mary this may seem sudden,|but I've given it a lot of thought.
{130326}{130427}I've been waiting for you my whole life|and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
{130431}{130468}Please...
{130485}{130530}let me finish.
{130576}{130664}I'm crazy about you. I've never|felt this way about anyone.
{130713}{130789}What is it with me...|I feel like a schoolboy.
{130862}{130939}A schoolboy who wants|to make sweet love to you.
{131214}{131284}I thought I heard|you talking to someone.
{131345}{131380}Mary...
{131568}{131645}I desperately want|to make love to a schoolboy.
{131691}{131752}Maybe I should be going.|- No...
{131768}{131820}That's not what I meant.
{131980}{132027}What I meant was...
{132143}{132188}I like you, Mary.
{132310}{132355}I like you a lot.
{132419}{132491}I want to ask you a question.|Straight out.
{132516}{132588}And I want you to give me|an honest answer.
{132594}{132658}What do you think the chances are...
{132666}{132739}that a guy like you and a girl like me...
{132782}{132861}ending up together?|- That's difficult to say.
{132894}{132984}We really don't...|- Hit me with it. Give it to me straight.
{133019}{133084}I came a long way just see you, Mary.
{133094}{133157}Level with me. What are my chances?
{133220}{133256}Not good.
{133369}{133444}You mean not good;|like one out of a hundred?
{133457}{133524}I'd say more like one out of a million.
{133714}{133781}So you're telling me there's a chance?
{133939}{133978}I read you.
{134166}{134261}Hi, we have plenty of towels.|- Nicolas, what are you doing here?
{134290}{134384}I've been looking for you, Mary.|I have news about your husband.
{134418}{134471}Husband? Wait a minute...
{134529}{134597}What was all that one in a million talk?
{134646}{134707}Aren't you going to invite me in?
{134834}{134890}Hey Harry, you never called?
{134918}{134970}What are you doing here?
{135066}{135125}Wxcuse me, gunman. Who are you?
{135131}{135232}Don't play dumb with me, asshole.|The rightful owner of that briefcase.
{135337}{135408}Nicolas, my family trusted you.|- Shut up!
{135469}{135520}Listen, Mr Samsonite...
{135535}{135625}about the briefcase. Harry and l|intend to reimburse you.
{135713}{135752}Open it up.
{135768}{135830}Go ahead. Do what he says.|Hurry.
{136008}{136072}Was is this?|Where's all the money?
{136110}{136179}That's as good as money.|Those are lOUs.
{136208}{136289}Go ahead. Add it up.|It's all accounted for. Look...
{136329}{136393}See this?|That's a car. 275 thou...
{136419}{136481}Might want to hang on to that one.
{136550}{136616}You're a dead man.|You're a dead man!
{136750}{136794}Lloyd, I'm home.
{136850}{136932}We've got have a talk.|I've got a confession to make.
{136940}{137019}Oh good, you found her.|I'll leave you two alone.
{137037}{137074}No, stay.
{137259}{137353}Yes, I'd like a one-way ticket to|Amsterdam as soon as possible.
{137374}{137434}How do you guys know each other?
{137447}{137539}We used to be best friends.|- Until he turned into a backstabber.
{137539}{137609}Me a backstabber?|You got a lot of nerve.
{137610}{137660}You knew I was crazy about her.
{137660}{137731}You knew I was crazy|about Fraida Felcher.
{137810}{137880}What do you mean?|- Don't deny it, Lloyd.
{137892}{137965}She told me the whole story,|French tickler.
{138052}{138106}What time does that leave?
{138161}{138226}I guess we both learned|something about each other.
{138226}{138307}You said it, pal!|Maybe we're not such good friends.
{138327}{138398}If one beautiful girI can|rip us apart like this...
{138398}{138488}Maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn.|Maybe we should call it quits right now.
{138488}{138572}You tell me where to sign.|- Right on my ass. Kiss it!
{138588}{138655}You kiss mine! Both cheeks! Right here!
{138726}{138762}Shut up!
{138818}{138893}Which one of you losers wants|to get it first.
{138911}{138948}Over here.
{138994}{139074}I was the one who got you|into this mess. Shoot me.
{139112}{139149}No, wait.
{139160}{139230}Me first. I stole your girl. I deserve it.
{139232}{139286}No you don't.|- Yes I do.
{139294}{139366}No you don't.|- Yesterday was a great day.
{139382}{139472}Mary and I went skiing,|made a snowman, she touched my leg...
{139489}{139531}Okay, kill him.
{139803}{139870}You killed my best friend, you bastard.
{139878}{139961}If it's any consolation,|you're about to be reunited.
{140111}{140159}Harry, you're alive.
{140227}{140282}And you're a horrible shot.
{140315}{140363}Lucky me.|- Police.
{140379}{140466}Don't anybody move. Wverybody freeze.|Get those hands up.
{140468}{140510}Not you, dummy.
{140554}{140615}Special officer Beth Jordan, FBl.
{140676}{140774}Mr Dunne, thank you very much.|We couldn't have done it without you.
{140781}{140851}We've been following you guys|all the way from Providence.
{140851}{140924}What's going on, Harry?|Your name is Harry?
{140979}{141058}She grabbed me in lobby|and explained what was up.
{141069}{141163}Then they slapped this bulletproof vest|on me and gave me a gun.
{141215}{141275}What if he shot you in the face?
{141299}{141401}What if he shot me in the face?|- That's a risk we were willing to take.
{141418}{141494}How come I didn't get a gun?|Did you get a gun?
{142203}{142277}You were right Lloyd.|She was worth the trip.
{142327}{142416}Yet, she is great isn't she?|I'm glad we could help her out.
{142704}{142747}Bobby.|- Wasy.
{142762}{142826}I'm just a little sore.|- Sorry...
{142889}{142929}I missed you.
{142935}{143026}Honey, I want to introduce you|to the kindest man I ever met.
{143054}{143103}Will you meet him?|- Sure.
{143103}{143146}He's got a gun.
{143330}{143391}I said: this is my husband Bobby.
{143440}{143476}Hi, Bobby.
{143476}{143525}I'm so happy for you.
{143576}{143641}Thank you.|Thank you both very much.
{143668}{143731}I owe you both a debt of gratitude.
{144255}{144311}I can't believe this, Lloyd.
{144323}{144407}First Mary dumps us,|then the cops take our nest egg...
{144427}{144515}then the car breaks down.|- When will we catch a break?
{144943}{145022}Hi guys, we're going on|a national bikini tour...
{145023}{145126}and we're looking for two boys to|grease us up before each competition.
{145240}{145284}You are in luck.
{145302}{145399}There's a town three miles that way.|I'm sure you'll find some guys.
{145511}{145552}Okay, thanks.
{145788}{145841}You realize what you did?
{145862}{145895}Wait!
{146182}{146257}You must excuse my friend.|He's a little slow.
{146328}{146382}The town is back that way.
{146637}{146670}Wow...
{146688}{146791}The two lucky guys will be with|those girls for the next couple of months.
{146866}{146932}Don't worry, we'll catch our break to.
{146935}{147000}We've just got to keep our eyes open.