1 00:00:19,727 --> 00:00:22,685 My mother could be rich. She could be rich and smart. 2 00:00:24,287 --> 00:00:27,518 Or she could be rich and stupid. 3 00:00:27,607 --> 00:00:31,122 On the other hand, she could be just poor and good-hearted. 4 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,962 Or she could be poor and mean. 5 00:00:35,047 --> 00:00:39,006 I mean, I-I have no idea what she's like. It's-- 6 00:00:39,087 --> 00:00:42,796 And there's my father, right? I look at guys on the street every day-- 7 00:00:42,887 --> 00:00:44,878 regular guys walking down the street. 8 00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:47,845 And depending on my mood, I imagine that any one of them could be my father. 9 00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:50,487 This guy. How about this guy? 10 00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:52,922 Hi, Dad. 11 00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:56,196 Then I have to picture these two people having sex. 12 00:00:56,287 --> 00:00:58,801 Okay, maybe they're not together now. But at least 30 years ago... 13 00:00:58,887 --> 00:01:01,640 they had to hook up in order to have me, right? 14 00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:05,800 Mix and match, mix and match, all these people together. 15 00:01:05,887 --> 00:01:07,878 I can't help feeling... 16 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:11,039 that if I'd been raised by at least one of my real parents... 17 00:01:11,127 --> 00:01:14,085 I wouldn't be such a nervous person, you know? 18 00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:18,558 I might be living a completely different life in a totally different city. 19 00:01:18,647 --> 00:01:21,525 I could be married to a totally different person with a different job. 20 00:01:21,607 --> 00:01:24,679 I mean, how do I know? I don't. Anything's possible. 21 00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:31,718 Well, the mystery of your unknown self is about to unfold. 22 00:01:31,807 --> 00:01:34,879 Your mother lives in San Diego, California. 23 00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:40,956 Her name is Valerie Swaney. 24 00:01:42,167 --> 00:01:44,158 Valerie Swaney? 25 00:01:44,247 --> 00:01:46,886 I told you it wouldn't take long. 26 00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:48,923 Can we arrange a meeting soon? 27 00:01:49,007 --> 00:01:50,998 How's, um-- How's next month? 28 00:01:51,087 --> 00:01:54,682 No, no. I told Nancy I'd do it sooner. I-I've been driving her crazy. 29 00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:56,678 Because you can't name your son? 30 00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:59,804 I've just been distracted and tense ever since the baby was born. 31 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,560 - A little unsteady? - Preoccupied. 32 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:24,478 I heard a song 'bout clouds and rainbows 33 00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:28,765 I hum a tune that sings like a dove 34 00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:33,363 Found some words about anything 35 00:02:33,447 --> 00:02:37,725 Anything but love 36 00:02:37,807 --> 00:02:41,595 I paint a picture of my prison 37 00:02:41,687 --> 00:02:46,556 With blue and grey for the skies above 38 00:02:46,647 --> 00:02:50,925 Framed and signed with a title 39 00:02:51,007 --> 00:02:55,000 Anything but love 40 00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:59,478 He had to go but I won't miss him 41 00:02:59,567 --> 00:03:03,799 I have got better things to do 42 00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:08,199 Like writing stories and painting pictures 43 00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:11,723 Of anything but love 44 00:03:12,847 --> 00:03:16,999 Oh, anything but love 45 00:03:17,087 --> 00:03:21,000 Anything but love 46 00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:25,796 Nancy? 47 00:03:27,927 --> 00:03:29,838 I'm in the bedroom! 48 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,806 Big news. I got big news. 49 00:03:34,887 --> 00:03:38,038 Hi, sweetie. You look great. Why are you dressed like that? 50 00:03:38,127 --> 00:03:41,085 Did you forget about our date? 51 00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:44,000 Oh, my God! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 52 00:03:44,087 --> 00:03:46,920 - No. It's okay, you're here now. - No, no, no. I feel so bad. 53 00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:49,043 We're not gonna fight about it. 54 00:03:49,127 --> 00:03:51,721 Look at you. You look so sexy. 55 00:03:53,527 --> 00:03:55,802 But I want to tell you what I forgot. 56 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:58,606 - Take your shoes off. - No, no, wait, wait. We have to talk. 57 00:03:58,687 --> 00:04:00,598 - We have to talk. Talk. - No. No. Honey, no talking. 58 00:04:00,687 --> 00:04:02,962 No, no, we have to talk about wh-why I'm late. 59 00:04:03,047 --> 00:04:06,323 - Control freak, huh? - No. Yeah, maybe I am a control freak. - Control freak. 60 00:04:06,407 --> 00:04:08,318 Don't! 61 00:04:17,847 --> 00:04:19,963 - Nap time's over. - Nap time's over. 62 00:04:20,047 --> 00:04:22,356 Wait, wait. I'll get him. I'll get him. 63 00:04:22,447 --> 00:04:25,644 You don't have to put your pants on to get the baby. 64 00:04:31,087 --> 00:04:34,204 Honey, do you think we're ever gonna have sex? 65 00:04:34,287 --> 00:04:36,517 Definitely. 66 00:04:38,047 --> 00:04:42,199 There, buddy, Yeah. How ya doin'? 67 00:04:42,287 --> 00:04:45,245 It's okay. Yeah, yeah. You okay? 68 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,046 - We'll be out in one second. - Oh. 69 00:04:48,127 --> 00:04:50,004 I feel like I'm keeping you from something. 70 00:04:50,087 --> 00:04:52,237 No. No, no, no. This is a priority. 71 00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:55,239 Is this a bad time for your wife? 'Cause, you know, I could come back. 72 00:04:55,327 --> 00:04:58,205 Not at all. We just need a couple of minutes. 73 00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:01,845 This is crazy. 74 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,999 I mean, all right, I feel guilty 'cause I missed the date. 75 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:08,841 I just gotta tell her. What am I afraid of, right? This is stupid. 76 00:05:10,847 --> 00:05:14,044 - Hey, here you go. - No, no. This is good. 77 00:05:14,127 --> 00:05:16,641 - What? - This is good. You stay with Daddy. 78 00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:20,083 - Keep his hands occupied. - Oh, Nancy. Nancy. No, no, no. 79 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:23,842 Honey. Honey. Can't we make another date, please? 80 00:05:23,927 --> 00:05:28,318 Thi-- Sweetie, this is-- Sweetie, he's looking right down at you. 81 00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:32,116 This isn't-- Oh. Oh, no, no. No. 82 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,641 No. Oh, no, no, no. 83 00:05:36,007 --> 00:05:38,726 My real mother lives in San Diego. 84 00:05:38,807 --> 00:05:40,798 - What? - That's what I was trying to tell you. 85 00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:43,196 I went to the adoption agency, and they found my real mother. 86 00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:45,198 Just like that? You walked in, they found her? 87 00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:47,198 Well, it was the second trip, actually. 88 00:05:47,287 --> 00:05:49,482 - Ohh. - I know, I know. 89 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:51,478 - Honey. - I know. So listen... 90 00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:54,035 why don't you put something on and come over and say hello to Tina. 91 00:05:54,127 --> 00:05:57,597 - Who? - The woman who helped arrange everything. 92 00:05:57,687 --> 00:06:00,360 This woman's in our apartment right now? She's here? 93 00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:03,325 Yeah. Well I-- You know, I-I was trying to tell you before... 94 00:06:03,407 --> 00:06:05,682 but you got all sexed up and everything-- 95 00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:08,998 Well, I got sexed up because we had a date, not because I'm some kind of freak or something. 96 00:06:09,087 --> 00:06:11,043 - I didn't say you were a freak. Did I say you were a freak, honey? - No. 97 00:06:11,127 --> 00:06:13,925 - No, no. Come on, this is good, right? - Hi. I'm Tina Kalb. 98 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,998 I'm sorry to burst in on you like this... 99 00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:18,362 but Mel said he didn't want to waste any time. 100 00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:21,086 That's all right. Nancy understands how important this whole thing is. 101 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,886 - Great. The baby's gorgeous, by the way. It looks just like Mel. - Ohh. 102 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:27,039 Thanks. Really? You really think so? Everybody always says he looks like me. 103 00:06:27,127 --> 00:06:30,881 Well, what do I know? I'm just another 30-year-old woman desperate for a baby of her own. 104 00:06:30,967 --> 00:06:33,083 Your husband doesn't want to have kids? 105 00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:35,158 Yeah, I'm in the middle of a divorce, actually. 106 00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:37,920 I just can't seem to part with the ring. 107 00:06:38,007 --> 00:06:41,841 - Sorry. - Oh, no. You know, it was one of those death marriages-- 108 00:06:41,927 --> 00:06:44,487 you know, the kind where you have to start making dates to have sex. 109 00:06:47,527 --> 00:06:50,280 Well, I'm sure it'll work out. I mean, I'm sure you'll meet somebody else... 110 00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:52,517 and you'll be happy and you'll fall in love again... 111 00:06:52,607 --> 00:06:55,326 - and things'll just be wonderful. - Yeah, I don't know. 112 00:06:55,407 --> 00:06:57,318 I think it might be easier at this point... 113 00:06:57,407 --> 00:06:59,716 just to find an intelligent man to impregnate me. 114 00:07:01,247 --> 00:07:04,159 I'm sorry. I don't understand exactly who you are. 115 00:07:04,247 --> 00:07:06,397 Oh, didn't I tell you? She's-She's doing the study. 116 00:07:06,487 --> 00:07:08,955 I'm gonna be coming along to San Diego next week... 117 00:07:09,047 --> 00:07:10,958 to document the reunion. 118 00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:13,845 In fact, Nancy, I've got some waivers that I need you to sign. 119 00:07:13,927 --> 00:07:17,044 You see, there's such a dearth of in-depth documentation... 120 00:07:17,127 --> 00:07:19,925 into the psychological impact that these reunions have... 121 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:23,920 on, for instance, you, the spouse, as well as Mel's adoptive family. 122 00:07:24,007 --> 00:07:26,362 - Ah, so you're a psychologist? - Not quite. 123 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,722 I'm just finishing my doctorate. 124 00:07:28,807 --> 00:07:30,957 Tina used to be a dancer. 125 00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:34,926 Oh, those days are long gone. I-- Listen, I've gotta call the office. 126 00:07:35,007 --> 00:07:38,158 Oh, there's a phone in the kitchen. It's right there on your left. 127 00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:40,715 - Got one right here. - Well, next week? 128 00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:42,320 - Yeah, yeah. - God, that's soon. 129 00:07:42,407 --> 00:07:45,763 Well, they're gonna pay for everything. Isn't that great, sweetie? Honey? 130 00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:52,406 After I had my baby, I wanted my husband to stay home... 131 00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:54,398 and help with night feedings... 132 00:07:54,487 --> 00:07:57,081 not drag me on some plane for San Diego. 133 00:07:57,167 --> 00:08:00,204 I like travelling. The baby's five months old. 134 00:08:00,287 --> 00:08:02,960 I really think this is gonna get us closer together. 135 00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:07,723 Oh, honey, after you're married, he feels like he's kissing his mother half the time, anyway. 136 00:08:07,807 --> 00:08:12,642 Our kissing is still nice, but he's so controlling about the oral sex. 137 00:08:12,727 --> 00:08:15,036 Well, have you tried the warm water method? 138 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,118 - Are you kidding? - No. - You're kidding. 139 00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:19,323 - No.Joe loves it. - Hey. 140 00:08:19,407 --> 00:08:21,398 - Oh, hi, Mel. - Hi. - Look what I found. 141 00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:23,398 What did you find? 142 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:27,003 - What made you dig these out? - Remember? 143 00:08:27,087 --> 00:08:29,396 I don't know. I was just feeling nostalgic for some reason. 144 00:08:29,487 --> 00:08:33,480 That's so sweet. We found these on our first field trip together. 145 00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:37,355 Very sweet. Oh, congratulations on finding your mother, Mel. 146 00:08:37,447 --> 00:08:40,678 - Thank you. - That oughta settle some big issues for you, huh? 147 00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:42,997 Definitely. Which issues are you talking about? 148 00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:47,524 - Starting with the whole sex thing. - Sex. Baby's name. The baby's name. 149 00:08:47,607 --> 00:08:49,962 - 'Cause you said Ethan-- - No, no, wait a minute. She just said the sex thing. 150 00:08:50,047 --> 00:08:52,197 - You said that Ethan was too feminine. - Right. 151 00:08:52,287 --> 00:08:55,563 - We were trying to think of a more masculine baby name, right? So-- - Okay, but she said the sex thing. 152 00:08:55,647 --> 00:08:57,877 - Didn't you just say the sex thing? - But she meant that. 153 00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:00,527 - Well, why don't you just let her speak for herself? Wh-What did you mean? - Well, tell him. Tell him. Go on. 154 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,326 Actually, it was oral sex I was referring to. 155 00:09:03,407 --> 00:09:05,637 Oral sex, really? I think I just walked in... 156 00:09:05,727 --> 00:09:08,082 - on a ladies' conversation that guys aren't supposed to-- - No, you didn't. 157 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,476 - Yes, I-- I'm gonna go. - No, no, no, no, no. - I'm gonna leave. - No, stay. 158 00:09:10,567 --> 00:09:13,320 - No. No. Leave. - Don't go. Come on. - Go. Stay? No. 159 00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:15,716 - Honey, we weren't talking about us. - I-- What? 160 00:09:15,807 --> 00:09:17,718 - We wouldn't-- I wouldn't-- - No. I know. - You've gotta know that. 161 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,526 - I know that so much. - Bye. - So true. 162 00:09:20,607 --> 00:09:23,121 Hey, I didn't go around telling my friends you didn't want to make love... 163 00:09:23,207 --> 00:09:25,482 for almost two months after the baby was born, did I? 164 00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:29,082 - Probably. - Okay, but it didn't get back to you, did it? Huh? 165 00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:34,517 Are you sure you're okay about this woman coming along? It's not weird or anything? 166 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,520 Well, it's a little strange to be travelling with a chaperone. 167 00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:43,000 But if you're okay with it, I'm okay with it. 168 00:09:43,087 --> 00:09:47,717 Well, it's just, she's been through the process so many times. I think it's a good thing. 169 00:09:47,807 --> 00:09:52,039 Honey, if this helps you get what you need inside... 170 00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:54,925 - then I'm all for it. - Thanks, sweetie. 171 00:09:57,247 --> 00:09:59,920 This cheese is disgusting. Get it away from me. 172 00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:02,043 - What's wrong with this cheese? - It smells like vomit. 173 00:10:02,127 --> 00:10:05,085 - Oh, stop being such a baby. - Mom, Dad, this is Tina. - I'm a baby who smells like vomit? 174 00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:08,159 - Yes. - You okay? - Nancy, did you get that support bra yet? 175 00:10:08,247 --> 00:10:11,398 - Not yet. - What are you waiting for? - Hey, I want to introduce you to somebody. 176 00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:13,842 Please don't make such a big deal out of it. 177 00:10:13,927 --> 00:10:16,999 - It makes a real difference. - All right, could we not talk about this right now? 178 00:10:17,087 --> 00:10:21,239 Uh, yes, we're gonna talk about this because she's not listening to me. 179 00:10:21,327 --> 00:10:24,319 - I want you to see something. - Ohh. - Very nice, Pearl. - For God's sake. 180 00:10:24,407 --> 00:10:28,446 - I want you to consider my age and ask yourself how I maintain this. - Mom, why are you doing this? 181 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:31,519 - How? I don't know. How? - This is it. All right, can we not deal with this right now, please? - I couldn't have a baby. 182 00:10:31,607 --> 00:10:33,598 But I had to fight the laws of gravity just the same... 183 00:10:33,687 --> 00:10:36,201 and you need the help of a good bra. 184 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:39,643 And believe you me, if you want to keep your husband's attention, you'll get one pronto. 185 00:10:39,727 --> 00:10:42,525 You know, if my breasts drop, they drop, and there's nothing I can do about that. 186 00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,563 - Wrong! - That's right. Good for you, honey. 187 00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:47,081 - Wrong! -Just back off, will ya? - You've had five of these. 188 00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:49,203 - I don't think-- - Don't monitor me. 189 00:10:49,287 --> 00:10:52,757 - Your new friend is, uh, very long-waisted, isn't she? - Okay, that's it! 190 00:10:52,847 --> 00:10:55,486 - We're not talking about this any more, okay? - It's a free country. 191 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,035 - Why can't I talk? - Let him alone. 192 00:10:58,127 --> 00:11:00,561 You're making an ass out of yourself again! 193 00:11:00,647 --> 00:11:04,481 - Why don't you leave me alone! Why don't you just have a little sniff? - Don't do that. Hey, hey. 194 00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:07,400 - The baby's crying. - Get that away from me, or I'll smack it off. 195 00:11:07,487 --> 00:11:10,047 - Yeah, you're gonna beat me up in front of all these people? - Don't tempt me! 196 00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,960 Would you stop acting like this? That's it! All right? 197 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:17,199 - Don't yell in front of the baby. - Don't yell in front of the baby. It's not good. 198 00:11:17,287 --> 00:11:19,596 Well, he wouldn't have to yell if you'd listen to him for two seconds! 199 00:11:19,687 --> 00:11:22,804 Well, what's gotten into my sweet daughter-in-law all of a sudden? 200 00:11:22,887 --> 00:11:26,004 - Hormones. No mystery there. - Does this baby have a name yet? 201 00:11:26,087 --> 00:11:28,521 - Four months old, doesn't have a name. - Well, don't blame me. 202 00:11:28,607 --> 00:11:30,996 - I like the name Ethan. - Oh, no, no. Ethan's too lame. 203 00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:35,717 - Everything's too lame, too bold. - This is becoming an embarrassing, neurotic thing, Mel. 204 00:11:35,807 --> 00:11:38,844 It's not an embarrassing, neurotic thing. This is about my real identity. 205 00:11:38,927 --> 00:11:41,282 - It's about my background, okay? - Don't be ridiculous. 206 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,403 You're Mel Coplin. That's who you are. 207 00:11:43,487 --> 00:11:47,082 You know, this process will go a long way towards clarifying that identity issue. 208 00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:50,443 What process? Who is this new friend with the camera already? 209 00:11:50,527 --> 00:11:52,882 I've only been trying to introduce you to her for the last ten minutes. 210 00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:55,879 - Her name is Tina Kalb, and she's here for a very important reason. - You're getting a divorce. 211 00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:59,004 -She's a counsellor. No, she's a lawyer. -Would you-- Would you just zip it? 212 00:11:59,087 --> 00:12:01,726 - Don't talk to your mother like that. - We're not getting a divorce. 213 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:04,082 Maybe you should if you can't name the baby. 214 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:07,204 - That is a terrible, sick thing to say, Ed! - You said it first! 215 00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:10,165 - That's no excuse! - If you say it, fine. If I say it, I'm sick. 216 00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:12,602 - Maybe. - Tina is with the adoption agency. 217 00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:16,566 - What adoption agency? - The adoption agency where you adopted me. 218 00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:20,083 - When I was a little baby, remember? - Oh, my God! 219 00:12:21,727 --> 00:12:26,755 Oh, God. I have to have a cigarette if we're gonna talk about this. 220 00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:30,556 - Can I bum one of those? - No, you can't smoke around the baby. 221 00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:36,404 - Show a little compassion, will you? - This might be a good time to make an exception. For her. 222 00:12:36,487 --> 00:12:40,366 - Pearl! - I'd like to know what happened to the Constitution in this country. 223 00:12:40,447 --> 00:12:43,564 - Please, can you please put it out? - Oh, all right, all right! 224 00:12:43,647 --> 00:12:48,277 Why does he have to do this roots thing? Aren't we good enough parents? 225 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:52,280 I think you probably did the best that you could, but psychic scars can't be helped. 226 00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:55,677 Psychic scars? What is she talking about? 227 00:13:01,487 --> 00:13:04,001 She's saying we failed completely. 228 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:08,126 - That's way too extreme. - Yeah, maybe just 40 percent. 229 00:13:08,207 --> 00:13:10,960 Mom, you can't quantify it like that. I mean, what difference does it make... 230 00:13:11,047 --> 00:13:13,402 if it's 40 percent or 60 percent? 231 00:13:13,487 --> 00:13:15,398 Sixty percent? 232 00:13:15,487 --> 00:13:18,081 Why is everybody getting so serious all of a sudden? 233 00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,158 I thought we were gonna talk about buying new carpeting... 234 00:13:20,247 --> 00:13:23,125 getting rid of this crap, putting in the wall-to-wall. 235 00:13:23,207 --> 00:13:25,675 Life is so rich, so full. 236 00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:28,918 You have a wife, a child, a good job. 237 00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:31,396 Why are you doing this? 238 00:13:31,487 --> 00:13:36,163 If I could pop in here for a second, I think that what Mel is trying to communicate here... 239 00:13:36,247 --> 00:13:40,320 is that no matter where we are in our lives, especially if we're adopted... 240 00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:43,240 we can't help but feel that there's something missing-- 241 00:13:43,327 --> 00:13:47,445 that there's something out there that's going to make us feel... 242 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:51,486 complete, give us a sense of belonging, connectedness if you will. 243 00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:55,196 This woman strikes me as being very dangerous. 244 00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:57,847 It's understandable that you would find me threatening. 245 00:13:57,927 --> 00:14:00,521 Why don't you psychoanalyze me? I'd love to hear this. Go ahead. 246 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:04,236 I'm, uh, abrasive, pushy, defensive. 247 00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:07,080 My husband is, uh, food-phobic, passive-aggressive. 248 00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:10,796 - Huh? Come on. Come on. - Look, the point is, we're going to San Diego in the morning, and-- 249 00:14:10,887 --> 00:14:12,923 What about your father's 60th birthday? 250 00:14:13,007 --> 00:14:16,920 Well, if you'd let me finish what I'm saying, I'd say that we have every intention of coming back for it. 251 00:14:17,007 --> 00:14:20,317 You are aware that they have a very big car theft problem in San Diego. 252 00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:23,205 - No, I wasn't aware of that. - Oh, yes, very big. 253 00:14:23,287 --> 00:14:25,323 I hadn't heard anything about that either. 254 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:28,080 They bump you, and when you stop... 255 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,078 they mutilate you and then take your car. 256 00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:32,601 - It happened to Art Sackhein. - What? 257 00:14:32,687 --> 00:14:35,121 - They killed Art Sackhein? - Oh, don't be ridiculous. 258 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:38,085 They bumped him and took his car. Nobody said anything about killing. 259 00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:41,921 - You said mutilate. - Anyway-- - Please. 260 00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:45,636 Enjoy yourself. I understand they have a lovely zoo in San Diego. 261 00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:52,644 - Are you ready for San Diego? - Yeah! - Yes. 262 00:14:52,727 --> 00:14:55,002 - God, you look beautiful. - So do you. 263 00:14:55,087 --> 00:14:56,998 Oh, thanks. You know, maybe I'll just-- 264 00:14:57,087 --> 00:14:59,123 I'll run upstairs really quickly and change, 'cause I don't think-- 265 00:14:59,207 --> 00:15:01,641 - Don't be silly. You look adorable. - You look so elegant. - Honey. 266 00:15:01,727 --> 00:15:04,924 - I love that print. Come on. - Honey, you look great. Come on. 267 00:15:08,287 --> 00:15:10,039 Do you have the keys? 268 00:15:10,127 --> 00:15:13,722 I left with the feeling this road was endless 269 00:15:13,807 --> 00:15:18,961 Now it seems there's three days to heaven, it's okay 270 00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:22,926 'Cause these wheels are takin'me home again 271 00:15:23,007 --> 00:15:25,396 It's all right 272 00:15:25,487 --> 00:15:28,957 I've got three days to heaven then I'm gonna make you mine 273 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,837 Boy, it's beautiful, here, isn't it? 274 00:15:36,927 --> 00:15:39,680 Sweetie, I'm so happy we're doing this together. 275 00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,883 - Watch the road, please. - Me too. 276 00:15:41,967 --> 00:15:44,037 - How's the baby's diaper? - He's fine. 277 00:15:44,127 --> 00:15:47,085 - Good. - What's that? 278 00:15:48,607 --> 00:15:50,757 Oh, my God. It's happening. Shit! 279 00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:52,644 - Oh, God, no. - What's happening? 280 00:15:52,727 --> 00:15:55,924 It's the bump and rob. This is it. 281 00:15:56,007 --> 00:15:57,838 - Get down! - What? What? - Get down with the baby! 282 00:15:57,927 --> 00:15:59,963 - He's gaining on us! - Yo, slow down! 283 00:16:00,047 --> 00:16:02,481 - Back off, Jack! - Pull over! 284 00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:05,240 - How do you close this window? - Wait. I've got some Mace in my bag. - Damn it. 285 00:16:05,327 --> 00:16:08,444 - It's not working! - Listen to what he has to say. - Here it is. 286 00:16:08,527 --> 00:16:11,439 - Mace him! - Yeah, get him! - No! 287 00:16:11,527 --> 00:16:13,438 Fucker! 288 00:16:14,727 --> 00:16:17,799 You left your jacket in the parking lot. 289 00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,037 Asshole! 290 00:16:20,127 --> 00:16:23,039 Thank you for the jacket. Sorry about the Mace. 291 00:16:23,127 --> 00:16:24,719 Very sorry, sir. 292 00:16:26,687 --> 00:16:31,841 ''The Trinity Church Ministry of Hope.'' Oh, my God! 293 00:16:34,047 --> 00:16:37,756 They bump you, and when you stop... 294 00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:41,317 they mutilate you and take your car. 295 00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:45,002 - I don't think it's funny at all. I mean, his father created this fear-- - It is too funny. - It's funny. 296 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,965 - Would you two, both of you, just stop, please? - And then-- - We're almost there. 297 00:16:48,047 --> 00:16:53,041 - I'm getting nervous. - Really, I'm not surprised at his reaction or by my reaction. 298 00:17:05,247 --> 00:17:09,081 - Okay, just breathe. - Ohh. 299 00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:12,716 - Should I ring the doorbell? - Okay. 300 00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:15,196 - I mean, no. Wait, wait, wait. I told you to wait. - You said yes first. 301 00:17:15,287 --> 00:17:17,517 - You didn't give me a chance to say no. - Well, I would've, but-- 302 00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:20,075 - Hi! - Hi. - Hi. 303 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:24,285 Oh, what a pretty wife you have! And I see you've brought your nanny. 304 00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:27,996 - Oh, I'm not the nanny. I'm the wife. - Oh, excuse me. 305 00:17:28,087 --> 00:17:30,647 - What a terrible way to start. - Oh, don't be silly. 306 00:17:30,727 --> 00:17:33,400 I'm Tina Kalb from the Maidstone Adoption Agency. 307 00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:36,524 - Right. - Hi. - Hi. 308 00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:39,121 - Valerie Swaney. - Mel Coplin. 309 00:17:43,287 --> 00:17:45,517 - This is great. I love the stained glass. - Lovely. 310 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:49,441 - Thank you. - Oh! - Now, he was a great president. 311 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,882 You know, I always felt like I should've appreciated him more. 312 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:55,243 I know just what you mean. Come on, let's get something to drink. 313 00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:01,998 Your daddy was short. 314 00:18:03,607 --> 00:18:05,598 That would explain it. 315 00:18:05,687 --> 00:18:08,645 And we have the same forehead, don't we? 316 00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:12,197 And the same eyes. Oh. 317 00:18:12,287 --> 00:18:17,202 This is amazing. I never shared physical traits with family before. 318 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:22,806 I'm a bad person for what I did to you. 319 00:18:22,887 --> 00:18:25,321 - No, don't say that. - It's true. 320 00:18:25,407 --> 00:18:28,922 Look, Tina says that most women who gave up their children for adoption in the '60s... 321 00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:33,523 were independent young women acting against a conservative world. 322 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:38,560 - You're sayin' I was a slut? - No. 323 00:18:38,647 --> 00:18:42,003 - Oh, God! - I didn't think-- You're not a slut. 324 00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:45,045 I was tall, and I developed earlier-- 325 00:18:45,127 --> 00:18:48,836 If that's a crime, go ahead and sue me, but I am not from trashy people. 326 00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:52,602 - Really, I wasn't suggesting that at all. - Your daddy was poor. 327 00:18:52,687 --> 00:18:55,838 He worked in my father's liquor warehouse in Baton Rouge. 328 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,760 - Really? Baton Rouge. - That's where you were conceived. 329 00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:01,486 In the liquor warehouse on the cement floor... 330 00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:05,606 - Wow! - in Baton Rouge. Oh, my parents hated Lars. 331 00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:09,236 - Lars Waara was his name. - Waara? Lars Waara! 332 00:19:09,327 --> 00:19:12,160 - What kind of name is that? - Finnish. 333 00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:14,715 - Finnish? I'm Finnish. - I knew that. 334 00:19:14,807 --> 00:19:17,002 I mean, look at your face. Absolutely. 335 00:19:17,087 --> 00:19:19,317 Finnish-American. Half Scottish-American. 336 00:19:19,407 --> 00:19:23,366 Scottish-Finnish. What is that? I don't know how to do that. That's-- 337 00:19:24,807 --> 00:19:27,367 I'm gonna help. I'm gonna help you with that. 338 00:19:27,447 --> 00:19:31,235 This belonged to my great-great-grandmama who was of the Clan Bucanon... 339 00:19:31,327 --> 00:19:34,524 - Wow! - married to the Confederate General Beauregard. 340 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,360 - I want you to have it. - A Confederate general? 341 00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:40,359 Mm-hmm. Expert boxer and marksman. 342 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:43,007 - Really? Wow! - Wow! - What an athletic family, huh? 343 00:19:43,087 --> 00:19:47,046 - I was on two championship basketball teams myself. - I'm not athletic at all. 344 00:19:47,127 --> 00:19:50,915 - Look at this picture. This is-- Let's name the baby Beauregard, huh? - Beauregard? 345 00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:52,918 - Beau. Beau Coplin. - Beau? - I'm so touched. 346 00:19:53,007 --> 00:19:54,998 - Beau Coplin. Ah, yeah! - Oh, damn it! 347 00:19:55,087 --> 00:19:58,238 - What? - The camera just jammed. - You didn't get that just now? 348 00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:01,399 - No, and that was a terrific moment. - Let me see. - Forget the camera. 349 00:20:01,487 --> 00:20:03,921 - No, I can't. - No, forget-- That's-- Forget about it. 350 00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:06,999 - What? Don't you want to get it on tape? - I'd like to have it on tape. 351 00:20:07,087 --> 00:20:09,760 - I know. I'm sorry. - Uh, the light's better in the living room. 352 00:20:09,847 --> 00:20:12,680 - Look, honey, I'll be right back, okay? - I-I don't know what happened. 353 00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:17,921 - He's a very decisive man, isn't he? - Well, actually he's not. But today, for some reason-- 354 00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:21,158 Do you see that, that wheel in there? There's like a glob of gunk. 355 00:20:21,247 --> 00:20:24,205 - Yeah, I do. - Tar. - We need something to wipe it off with. 356 00:20:24,287 --> 00:20:28,246 - If we could get like a-- - What? You know what? I don't-- Let's just use my skirt. 357 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,795 - Your skirt? - I don't care about it. It's old. - Really? Okay. 358 00:20:30,887 --> 00:20:33,117 -Just hold this, okay? - Okay. Here. 359 00:20:33,207 --> 00:20:36,643 -Just-- If you can-- - Hold still. - Yeah. Okay. 360 00:20:36,727 --> 00:20:39,605 I'm Beauregard from Dixie, hooray-- 361 00:20:39,687 --> 00:20:41,723 Technically, he's from New York. Right? 362 00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:44,480 - I'm sorry. Oh. I'm sorry. - Well-- 363 00:20:44,567 --> 00:20:47,001 - Uh, you got it, though. You got it. - Good. 364 00:20:47,087 --> 00:20:49,885 - Yeah. So how long did you say you were a dancer for? - Oh, God, don't remind me. 365 00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:52,879 - I haven't been to the gym in months. - Well, you don't seem like you need to go to the gym. 366 00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:55,003 - I mean-- - Well, you're very generous. 367 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,080 - Yeah. - But when I was dancing, you know, my calves did not look like this. 368 00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:01,920 - Those look like very strong calves to me. - Well, strong, yeah. 369 00:21:02,007 --> 00:21:04,601 They've always been strong. When I was a kid, you know... 370 00:21:04,687 --> 00:21:07,599 I used to beat my brothers at Indian wrestling all the time. 371 00:21:07,687 --> 00:21:10,963 Away down south in Dixie 372 00:21:11,047 --> 00:21:13,720 He's a little cracker. 373 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:15,718 - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not a cracker. - You can't deny-- 374 00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:17,126 - I'm not a cracker! - Ohh. 375 00:21:18,207 --> 00:21:20,277 You feel it in your legs? 376 00:21:20,367 --> 00:21:22,562 It's really more about upper-body strength, isn't it? 377 00:21:22,647 --> 00:21:25,036 - No, it's all in the legs. - How? 378 00:21:25,127 --> 00:21:27,357 You'll see when you lose your balance. 379 00:21:29,847 --> 00:21:33,806 - Oh! - What in the world? 380 00:21:33,887 --> 00:21:36,765 Oh, my Lord! 381 00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:39,964 My Chinese zodiac is ruined! 382 00:21:40,047 --> 00:21:43,323 - I am so sorry. I really feel badly. - Oh, my goodness. My animals. - What else happened? 383 00:21:43,407 --> 00:21:46,638 - We were just in here, and then, um, freak accident. - I'm so sorry. 384 00:21:46,727 --> 00:21:50,037 - Yeah.Just-- - The shelf-- - What happened to the tail of my rooster? 385 00:21:50,127 --> 00:21:52,436 - You mean-- Is this it, maybe? - No. 386 00:21:52,527 --> 00:21:54,722 - That's the dog's pillow. Oh. 387 00:21:54,807 --> 00:21:57,037 Well, don't throw it! 388 00:21:57,127 --> 00:21:59,436 I want to pay for all this. Can I do that, please? 389 00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,643 - Absolutely not. - Why not? 390 00:22:01,727 --> 00:22:04,321 All children break things, and all children are forgiven. 391 00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:07,399 Now, you have never had that opportunity with me. 392 00:22:07,487 --> 00:22:10,923 Let's take this as a gift from God. 393 00:22:11,007 --> 00:22:15,159 And look, here's another gift from God. 394 00:22:15,247 --> 00:22:18,364 Ohhh, well, why is that a gift from God? 395 00:22:18,447 --> 00:22:22,520 The rabbit is still in one piece, and both you and your daddy were Year of the Rabbit. 396 00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:25,963 I always thought it was Year of the Dragon, at least in all those Chinese restaurant place mats. 397 00:22:26,047 --> 00:22:29,562 No, no, no. Lars is 1939. You're 1963. 398 00:22:29,647 --> 00:22:33,003 - Those are both rabbit years. - Actually, I was born in '65. 399 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:39,924 - Don't you think I know when my own son was born? - 'Course you do, Valerie. 400 00:22:40,007 --> 00:22:43,204 Wait, that would make me two years older than I thought I was. Wow! 401 00:22:43,287 --> 00:22:47,758 - How? How is that? - You know what? I can clear this up with one phone call to the office. 402 00:22:47,847 --> 00:22:52,125 - Yeah, why don't you make sure? This really-- It kind of freaks me out. - Mom, why are those cars here? 403 00:22:52,207 --> 00:22:55,597 - Hey, girls, look who's here! - What happened to your glass animals? 404 00:22:55,687 --> 00:22:58,076 Oh, these are my twins from my third marriage. 405 00:22:58,167 --> 00:23:00,965 - This is Jane, and this is Sandra. - Hello. 406 00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:04,676 - This is your half brother, Mel. - He looks just like Uncle Freddie. - Oh, man! 407 00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:07,076 - Look at his nose. - What's so funny? 408 00:23:07,167 --> 00:23:10,204 - What's so funny? - He looks just like Uncle Freddie. 409 00:23:10,287 --> 00:23:13,040 Yes, he does. Why didn't I see that? 410 00:23:13,127 --> 00:23:15,197 Oh, Uncle Freddie. I'm flattered. What's he like? 411 00:23:15,287 --> 00:23:17,926 He's really sweet-natured. He's just that weird thing. What do you call it? 412 00:23:18,007 --> 00:23:20,043 - ''Frateurist.'' - Yeah, he's a frateurist. 413 00:23:20,127 --> 00:23:24,405 - Frateurist? What's that? - You rub up against people in crowded public places. 414 00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:26,717 - That's how I met Mel. - Seriously? 415 00:23:26,807 --> 00:23:29,241 - No, she's kidding. - This is not something to kid about. 416 00:23:29,327 --> 00:23:32,603 - Yeah. He went to jail for it. - Oh. - Can he come to the beach? 417 00:23:32,687 --> 00:23:35,360 - Oh, honey, I don't think he's got time for that, Jane. - Why not? 418 00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:38,519 - We're in the volleyball finals. - He can wear one of my shirts. - Oh, yeah, give him a shirt. 419 00:23:38,607 --> 00:23:41,883 - We'll go down to the beach. This is-- - You girls! - We're in the championship. 420 00:23:41,967 --> 00:23:43,525 - Oh, man, you should've been there yesterday. - Wow. Uh-huh. 421 00:23:43,607 --> 00:23:45,916 - It was so amazing. - It was match point. - Match point. 422 00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:49,044 - I went up for the spike. - She went up for the spike. - Shut up. Let me talk. 423 00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:51,436 - So I went up for the spike. - It was so intense. She went up for the spike-- - Shut up! 424 00:23:51,527 --> 00:23:55,156 - Girls, girls, calm down! - Listen, I, I, I don't believe this... 425 00:23:55,247 --> 00:23:58,000 but there's been a terrible, terrible mistake. 426 00:23:58,087 --> 00:24:00,521 And Valerie's not your mother, Mel. 427 00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:02,996 - What? - What are you talking about? Of course she's my mother. 428 00:24:03,087 --> 00:24:06,124 - We have the same forehead. - And he looks like Uncle Freddie. - Yeah, I look like Uncle Freddie. 429 00:24:06,207 --> 00:24:09,165 Please, just don't make this any harder on yourself than it already is. 430 00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:11,158 - Are you positive? - Yes. - He's not our brother? 431 00:24:11,247 --> 00:24:13,363 How could you make a mistake like that? I-- 432 00:24:13,447 --> 00:24:15,756 Well, our computer files were in transition... 433 00:24:15,847 --> 00:24:18,805 and Valerie's son is named Martin Coplin... 434 00:24:18,887 --> 00:24:22,675 - and he lives in Orlando, Florida-- - What? My son? Who is this man? 435 00:24:22,767 --> 00:24:26,965 Not your son. Mel, your father is named, uh... 436 00:24:27,047 --> 00:24:29,641 Fritz Boudreau, and he lives in Gundall, Michigan. 437 00:24:29,727 --> 00:24:33,561 - So I was thinking, maybe on our way to New York, we could stop off or-- - Who are these people in my home? 438 00:24:33,647 --> 00:24:36,115 -I feel like a complete idiot. I'm so-- -Well, I take these people into my home. 439 00:24:36,207 --> 00:24:39,438 - I know. - We fly all the way out here, we have this big, tearful reunion-- - Their child is here. 440 00:24:39,527 --> 00:24:42,200 Yeah, well, get it out, Nancy. It's gonna make us all feel a lot better. 441 00:24:42,287 --> 00:24:44,596 - Are you humouring me? - No, I am not humouring you. - I don't think this is funny. 442 00:24:44,687 --> 00:24:47,679 - I'm very serious. I certainly don't-- - Excuse-- No, excuse me! I expect you to pay for this damage. 443 00:24:47,767 --> 00:24:51,885 Well, w-wait a minute. You said it was a gift from God. Remember? 444 00:24:51,967 --> 00:24:53,878 That's when you were my son. 445 00:24:53,967 --> 00:24:57,039 - Well, don't you have insurance or something? - And raise my premiums? 446 00:24:57,127 --> 00:25:00,483 No, thank you. May I have my pendant back, please? 447 00:25:00,567 --> 00:25:04,401 - Can we have our shirt back? - We'd let you keep it. It's just that we don't have very many of them. 448 00:25:04,487 --> 00:25:07,399 - Yeah. There's only, like, ten left. - Yeah. No, sure. - I'm sorry. 449 00:25:07,487 --> 00:25:11,036 - Sorry. - I understand. - Thanks. 450 00:25:11,127 --> 00:25:14,164 - Have a nice life. - Yeah, good luck with this whole family thing, you know. 451 00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:16,886 - Thank you. - I hope it works out for you. 452 00:25:16,967 --> 00:25:19,276 You have my other knee pad? 453 00:25:25,207 --> 00:25:27,118 How could you be related? How? 454 00:25:27,207 --> 00:25:31,723 She is a six-foot blonde descendant from the clan Bucanon. 455 00:25:31,807 --> 00:25:34,526 We were only trying to be open to them. 456 00:25:34,607 --> 00:25:37,405 Well, we could be open with them, but we don't have to become them. 457 00:25:37,487 --> 00:25:40,957 I thought she was my mother. Come on, give me a break. 458 00:25:43,287 --> 00:25:46,962 How did you happen to knock down those glass shelves, anyway? 459 00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:50,358 I don't know. I just-- 460 00:25:50,447 --> 00:25:55,123 You know, we were trying to fix the camera, and we bumped into them. 461 00:25:55,207 --> 00:25:58,961 It's strange you would just happen to bump into them. 462 00:25:59,047 --> 00:26:02,039 Well, we were also Indian wrestling. 463 00:26:03,487 --> 00:26:06,923 Indian wrestling? What is that? 464 00:26:07,007 --> 00:26:11,398 It's just this game that kids play. It's a very innocent little kids' game. 465 00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:13,443 Why were you playing that? 466 00:26:15,007 --> 00:26:18,602 Because we were talking about athleticism in Tina's family... 467 00:26:18,687 --> 00:26:22,566 and then how Valerie's family was athletic also, and-- I don't know. 468 00:26:32,527 --> 00:26:36,600 - You're attracted to her, aren't you? - No. 469 00:26:36,687 --> 00:26:39,247 That's okay. She's attractive. 470 00:26:39,327 --> 00:26:42,876 Yeah, she's attractive, but I'm, I'm married to you. 471 00:26:42,967 --> 00:26:45,481 You know, she may be attractive, but she's got a screw loose. 472 00:26:45,567 --> 00:26:47,797 Yes, I agree with you. She's very eccentric. 473 00:26:47,887 --> 00:26:51,880 But I'm definitely-- I'm in love with you, honey. Honey? 474 00:26:53,007 --> 00:26:56,124 The revolution came and left today 475 00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:02,564 Nobody knew it came and went 476 00:27:02,647 --> 00:27:05,525 And so did Judgement Day 477 00:27:06,767 --> 00:27:09,645 In somebody else's body 478 00:27:09,727 --> 00:27:11,683 With someone else's head 479 00:27:13,367 --> 00:27:16,006 In somebody else's body 480 00:27:16,087 --> 00:27:19,716 When I was someone else instead 481 00:27:19,807 --> 00:27:22,924 In somebody else's body 482 00:27:23,007 --> 00:27:25,202 With someone else's head 483 00:27:25,287 --> 00:27:29,565 When you're in somebody else's body 484 00:27:29,647 --> 00:27:33,686 - In someone else's bed - Hey, I think this is the place. 485 00:27:41,807 --> 00:27:45,641 - This looks muy macho, doesn't it? - Creepy to me. 486 00:27:45,727 --> 00:27:47,638 Oh, no, look. Somebody's coming out, Mel. 487 00:27:47,727 --> 00:27:50,480 Hey! Hi! 488 00:27:51,687 --> 00:27:55,316 - Excuse me. Is one of you fellows Fritz Boudreau? - Hey! 489 00:27:55,407 --> 00:27:58,524 - Did I invite you onto my property? - Hey, take it easy! Take it easy! 490 00:27:58,607 --> 00:28:02,395 - Tina, don't go over there! - Hey! Oh, my God! 491 00:28:02,487 --> 00:28:06,036 Would you let me explain? We can talk about-- 492 00:28:06,127 --> 00:28:09,483 - Fuck! Run! - What's happening? 493 00:28:09,567 --> 00:28:11,637 Fuck! The car's this way! 494 00:28:14,007 --> 00:28:16,441 Would you stay away! Son of a bitch! 495 00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:20,918 - Doesn't he want to see me? - Well, I felt so bad about San Diego, I bent the rules a little bit. 496 00:28:21,007 --> 00:28:23,760 - Did you-- Did he-- Did you call them? - Yes, I tried to! 497 00:28:23,847 --> 00:28:26,122 - His phone isn't working. - What the fuck you people talking about? 498 00:28:26,207 --> 00:28:29,836 We just wanted to know if one of you is Fritz Boudreau, because they said he was my father. 499 00:28:29,927 --> 00:28:33,158 What did they say? Who said I'm your father? 500 00:28:33,247 --> 00:28:36,319 - She did. - The Maidstone Adoption Agency. 501 00:28:36,407 --> 00:28:39,444 Why, you little shit! Look at this turd face, Mitch! 502 00:28:39,527 --> 00:28:42,724 This turd is my son. I'm sorry, man. Did we scare you? 503 00:28:42,807 --> 00:28:45,719 - Yeah, a little. - A little bit. - We were scared too. 504 00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:48,924 How did we know? I dropped a lot of baby batter in my day. 505 00:28:49,007 --> 00:28:52,124 - This is the first son I ever met. - Wow. - What a wonderful moment. 506 00:28:52,207 --> 00:28:55,802 - I wish I had my camera. - You picked a hell of a time to drop by, turd face. 507 00:28:55,887 --> 00:29:01,519 - Well, your phone wasn't working. - Nah, I don't need no son to give me no guilt trip about a phone. 508 00:29:01,607 --> 00:29:04,519 Fritzie, Fritzie, we gotta get goin', pal. 509 00:29:04,607 --> 00:29:06,325 - Remember? - Shit. - What? 510 00:29:06,407 --> 00:29:08,363 - Come on. - Goin' somewhere? - Yeah. 511 00:29:08,447 --> 00:29:12,360 - Where do you have to go? - We gotta get the wheels balanced for a big trip tomorrow. 512 00:29:12,447 --> 00:29:15,359 - Where you goin'? - After Eugene balances the wheels... 513 00:29:15,447 --> 00:29:19,122 - we're gonna be out for about three weeks. - Three weeks? Really? - Damn. 514 00:29:19,207 --> 00:29:22,517 - Bad timing. - Why don't we bring 'em along? 515 00:29:22,607 --> 00:29:25,724 Huh? You know, it's only 20 minutes over to Eugene's. 516 00:29:25,807 --> 00:29:28,480 - Yeah. Come on with us. - What? In the truck? 517 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:31,035 - Hey, you ever been in a truck before? - No, not really. 518 00:29:35,007 --> 00:29:37,601 How do you like this? First time in a rig, huh? 519 00:29:37,687 --> 00:29:40,759 - It's great. - It's really fabulous, Mr Boudreau. 520 00:29:40,847 --> 00:29:43,839 Some people look down on drivers, like we're low class. 521 00:29:43,927 --> 00:29:46,964 Not me. I always wanted to learn how to drive a big rig. 522 00:29:47,047 --> 00:29:49,720 - You never told me that. - Well, I might not have voiced it until now... 523 00:29:49,807 --> 00:29:52,924 -but it's always been a fantasy of mine. -You want a lesson? 524 00:29:53,007 --> 00:29:55,157 - You'd give me a lesson? - Sure! Why not? 525 00:29:55,247 --> 00:29:57,363 Let's not do this while the baby's in the truck. 526 00:29:57,447 --> 00:30:00,086 - Don't you trust me? - Of course I trust you. 527 00:30:00,167 --> 00:30:04,001 - But he's never done this before. - She's not gonna let you drive the truck, so forget about it. 528 00:30:04,087 --> 00:30:06,885 - Are you sayin' my son's a bitch boy? - I didn't say that! 529 00:30:06,967 --> 00:30:09,606 - What's your name again? - Mel. 530 00:30:09,687 --> 00:30:11,757 You ain't no bitch boy, are ya, Mel? 531 00:30:11,847 --> 00:30:14,486 No, I don't believe I'm a bitch boy. 532 00:30:14,567 --> 00:30:16,797 Don't let him bait you into doing something stupid, Mel. 533 00:30:16,887 --> 00:30:18,798 Nancy, Mel needs your support now. 534 00:30:18,887 --> 00:30:21,162 - Yeah, I need your support, honey. - Yeah. 535 00:30:21,247 --> 00:30:23,283 - I support you, Mel. - Me too! 536 00:30:23,367 --> 00:30:26,723 I wanna get out. You're acting like a real asshole. 537 00:30:26,807 --> 00:30:28,718 Pussy-whipped. 538 00:30:37,807 --> 00:30:40,605 We're comin' back in 15 minutes. What's the big deal? 539 00:30:40,687 --> 00:30:44,396 Hey! Get away! Have a great trip, okay? 540 00:30:44,487 --> 00:30:48,924 - We'll be supporting you from out here. May I have my baby, please? - Nancy. 541 00:30:49,007 --> 00:30:53,603 Just send us a postcard, 'cause we'll be right here at the Gundall Post Office, okay? 542 00:30:53,687 --> 00:30:57,123 This isn't gonna take long, honey. Just calm down. 543 00:30:57,207 --> 00:31:00,836 So remember, it's like a butterfly's wings. Use a little gas, a little clutch. 544 00:31:00,927 --> 00:31:03,487 - A little gas, a little clutch. - A little gas, a little clutch. What happens if I hit this? 545 00:31:03,567 --> 00:31:08,766 - What does that do? Is that okay? - You know somethin'? You got a-- You got a kind of Jew look, don't you? 546 00:31:08,847 --> 00:31:12,237 Well, the people who raised me are Jewish. Maybe that's what you're picking up on. 547 00:31:12,327 --> 00:31:14,522 They-They gave you a real ''Hebe'' look, kid. 548 00:31:14,607 --> 00:31:17,280 - Mitch, don't say that. That's not nice. - Wait a second. Wait-- 549 00:31:17,367 --> 00:31:21,838 No, it's not a Jew face. It's-- It's a face like Old Needledick's! 550 00:31:21,927 --> 00:31:24,885 Yeah! You're not in some kind of science, are you, kid? 551 00:31:24,967 --> 00:31:27,037 Science? Actually, I'm an entomologist. 552 00:31:27,127 --> 00:31:29,197 -Entomologist sounds like science to me. -Wait, wait, wait. 553 00:31:29,287 --> 00:31:31,323 Who's-Who's Old Needledick? What are you talking about? 554 00:31:31,407 --> 00:31:34,956 When I met your mother, I was ridin' with the Angels in Oakland, Cal. 555 00:31:35,047 --> 00:31:36,958 - Uh-huh. The Hell's Angels? Uh-huh. - Yeah. 556 00:31:37,047 --> 00:31:39,356 And we got invited to all these fancy parties... 557 00:31:39,447 --> 00:31:42,200 because rich people liked to hang around with the Angels... 558 00:31:42,287 --> 00:31:44,755 and musical bands and whatnot. 559 00:31:44,847 --> 00:31:49,159 And your mother meets this guy, Richard Schlich-- 560 00:31:49,247 --> 00:31:52,478 - I can never pronounce that cocksucker's name. - Schlichling. 561 00:31:52,567 --> 00:31:55,400 Okay, okay. So she meets this guy, Richard Schlich-- Schlichling. 562 00:31:55,487 --> 00:31:58,923 -And what? What? They went off together? -They ran off together... 563 00:31:59,007 --> 00:32:01,601 to Antelope Wells. 564 00:32:03,247 --> 00:32:05,283 - You're saying-- - This can't be happening. 565 00:32:05,367 --> 00:32:07,722 You're saying you're not sure if you're my father? 566 00:32:07,807 --> 00:32:10,844 - I'm sorry to disappoint you. - But the records show... 567 00:32:10,927 --> 00:32:13,487 that-that you're the one who brought him into the agency. 568 00:32:13,567 --> 00:32:18,402 I did a good deed as a favour, because his mother and father were indisposed. 569 00:32:18,487 --> 00:32:21,206 - Indisposed how? - You'll have to ask your mother about that. 570 00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:24,085 But we don't know where she is. So isn't it possible... 571 00:32:24,167 --> 00:32:26,362 that you got her pregnant before she left you? 572 00:32:26,447 --> 00:32:29,883 - No, no, no! With this face, this science thing-- - Hey, we're movin' backwards here. 573 00:32:29,967 --> 00:32:32,481 - Where's the brake? Do I-- - Put it in first. 574 00:32:35,207 --> 00:32:37,846 Oh, my God! Mel! 575 00:32:41,447 --> 00:32:44,837 I don't think it's wrong to want to take a driving lesson with your father, right? 576 00:32:44,927 --> 00:32:47,646 - I'm not speaking to you. - Sweetie, I'm sorry about this. 577 00:32:47,727 --> 00:32:50,764 Give me a kiss. Sweetie, give me-- 578 00:32:50,847 --> 00:32:53,600 - Hey, Mr Boudreau, where is Antelope Wells? - Please step off. 579 00:32:53,687 --> 00:32:56,326 - Sorry, do you know where Antelope Wells is? - I have no idea.Just-- 580 00:32:56,407 --> 00:32:59,717 She doesn't know what the hell she's doing. That man was a lunatic, a stranger! 581 00:32:59,807 --> 00:33:03,356 - Okay, okay. - Mr Boudreau, please, before you go... 582 00:33:03,447 --> 00:33:06,166 - Tommy, get her off me! Move! -just tell me where Antelope Wells is. 583 00:33:06,247 --> 00:33:10,001 - When I say step off, I mean step off! - Hey! I am from New York, okay? 584 00:33:10,087 --> 00:33:14,239 On the upside, Antelope Wells should be warmer than this place. 585 00:33:14,327 --> 00:33:17,364 So we're just gonna jump on a plane to New Mexico? Is that it? 586 00:33:17,447 --> 00:33:20,598 Well, I think that we should finish what we started. 587 00:33:21,367 --> 00:33:23,927 Agent Paul Harmon, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. 588 00:33:24,007 --> 00:33:26,680 This is Agent Tony Kent. Now let's see. 589 00:33:26,767 --> 00:33:30,885 You, uh, you thought this Fritz Boudreau was your father, but, in fact, he's not your father. 590 00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:34,118 - Well, no, I-- - Tony. Tony Kent. 591 00:33:34,207 --> 00:33:37,597 - Nancy Curwin. - This is unbelievable! 592 00:33:37,687 --> 00:33:39,598 We went to high school together in Chicago. 593 00:33:39,687 --> 00:33:42,520 - You look fantastic! - Now-- - No! 594 00:33:42,607 --> 00:33:45,041 - God! - What are you doing in this police job? 595 00:33:45,127 --> 00:33:48,085 Oh, I need a health plan while I'm writing my first book. What are you doing now? 596 00:33:48,167 --> 00:33:50,362 - I'm curating. - Excuse me. Excuse me. There's something here we gotta take care of. 597 00:33:50,447 --> 00:33:53,996 - Okay? - I'm sorry, Paul. Go ahead. 598 00:33:54,087 --> 00:33:57,796 You do know it's a Federal offence to destroy a United States post office. 599 00:33:57,887 --> 00:34:00,276 Well, it wasn't like it was some premeditated act of terrorism. 600 00:34:00,367 --> 00:34:02,278 - You know what I mean? - I'll be the judge of that. 601 00:34:02,367 --> 00:34:05,325 Now, the ostensible purpose for this truck ride was what exactly? 602 00:34:05,407 --> 00:34:07,398 He was giving me a lesson. It was very simple. 603 00:34:07,487 --> 00:34:10,843 - He just wanted to teach me how to drive the truck. - This baby is beautiful. 604 00:34:10,927 --> 00:34:12,963 - Thanks. - Oh, gorgeous blue eyes. 605 00:34:13,047 --> 00:34:15,845 - Tony, Tony, Tony. - You know, he looks a lot like you. 606 00:34:15,927 --> 00:34:18,316 - Tony. Tony. - Thank you. -Just-- In a minute. 607 00:34:18,407 --> 00:34:21,399 - Give the baby back. - Hey, feel his little grip. It's so strong. 608 00:34:21,487 --> 00:34:24,081 - Feel it. -Jesus Christ! 609 00:34:24,167 --> 00:34:26,522 - Hey. - I'm s-- I'm-- 610 00:34:26,607 --> 00:34:29,485 - You're under way too much stress. - Listen, this man drove a semi into a Federal building. 611 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:32,001 You were gonna give him a warning. It's an accident, remember. 612 00:34:32,087 --> 00:34:35,079 - There's certain procedures that you have to follow. - Right. He's got a valid licence. 613 00:34:35,167 --> 00:34:37,601 - Not to drive a truck! He does not! - It was the trucker's fault... 614 00:34:37,687 --> 00:34:41,202 - for letting him drive in the first place. - All right, okay. Can I talk with you in private? 615 00:34:50,367 --> 00:34:52,403 This is my investigation. 616 00:34:52,487 --> 00:34:55,206 - I just said you didn't have to suspend his licence. - Here, I'll take the baby. 617 00:34:55,287 --> 00:34:58,836 - You gotta start taking the job-- - So what's the deal with this guy, huh? 618 00:34:58,927 --> 00:35:02,476 - We went to high school together. - You just went to high school together? 619 00:35:02,567 --> 00:35:05,525 - Mm-hmm. - Did you know him well, or is it-- 620 00:35:05,607 --> 00:35:08,679 - He was on the football team. - Oh, the football team. Oh. 621 00:35:08,767 --> 00:35:13,477 - It's not a murder. It's-It's not a bank robbery. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. 622 00:35:13,567 --> 00:35:16,604 -Just cut the baby crap. - Oh, all right. I'm sorry. 623 00:35:27,367 --> 00:35:30,279 So it looks like this Boudreau fellow... 624 00:35:30,367 --> 00:35:33,518 is gonna take the rap for you driving the truck, so... 625 00:35:33,607 --> 00:35:35,996 I'm just gonna give you a warning. 626 00:35:37,807 --> 00:35:39,718 But I'm-- If you-- 627 00:35:39,807 --> 00:35:43,766 If you drive a truck again, they're gonna take your licence away for sure. 628 00:35:43,847 --> 00:35:44,916 - Okay. - You understand? 629 00:35:45,007 --> 00:35:47,726 Yes, I understand. Thank you. 630 00:35:48,567 --> 00:35:51,320 - Is that it? Are we free to go now? - You are free to go, yes. 631 00:35:51,407 --> 00:35:54,558 - Great. Let's get out of here. - Uh, hey, do you guys have a place to stay tonight? 632 00:35:54,647 --> 00:35:56,877 - Probably check into a motel. - No, don't do that. 633 00:35:56,967 --> 00:36:00,243 - There's so many wonderful B-and-B's right here in Lake Michigan. - Oh, I hate B-and-B's. 634 00:36:00,327 --> 00:36:03,956 -Why do you hate B-and-B's? -Well, first of all, there's no privacy. 635 00:36:04,047 --> 00:36:07,039 - No privacy. Uh-huh. - Yeah. And you have to, you have to make chitchat... 636 00:36:07,127 --> 00:36:10,085 - with the boring old lady who runs the place-- - That's kind of the fun, isn't it? 637 00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:13,000 Yeah, there's always the little cat, little cat-- You have to pretend like you like the cat. 638 00:36:13,087 --> 00:36:15,920 Yeah, well, whatever we do, we need to eat first, 'cause I'm starving. 639 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,396 - Why don't we take you out to dinner? - Are we apologizing for the arrest? 640 00:36:18,487 --> 00:36:20,398 No, but it would be nice to catch up with Nancy. 641 00:36:20,487 --> 00:36:22,955 - We could take them to Minetti's. - Minetti's is great... 642 00:36:23,047 --> 00:36:25,607 - but you're not gonna get a reservation this time of night at Minetti's. - You know what? Thanks. Thanks anyway. 643 00:36:25,687 --> 00:36:28,884 - But we'll be fine, really. - See? We don't want to intrude, Tony. 644 00:36:28,967 --> 00:36:32,437 No, no, no, no, no. Don't be silly. We're getting sick of each other's company anyways. 645 00:36:32,527 --> 00:36:34,245 - Oh. - You see? I told you. 646 00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:37,961 - Hey, stop that! - I can't believe you're a writer now. 647 00:36:38,047 --> 00:36:43,485 Well, an aspiring writer. I'm trying to get this whole book together, this crime fiction thing. 648 00:36:43,567 --> 00:36:46,957 You were such a jock in high school. You were so wild. 649 00:36:47,047 --> 00:36:50,119 I know. And you were such an egghead, remember? 650 00:36:50,207 --> 00:36:52,516 - No. - You were an egghead. - No! 651 00:36:52,607 --> 00:36:55,758 - So what I'm asking is, you fly into Albuquerque and then rent a car... - We're going to Texas tomorrow. 652 00:36:55,847 --> 00:36:59,203 - and how far-- - It's way down. Way down at the southeastern corner of the state. 653 00:36:59,287 --> 00:37:02,085 - Wait. Excuse me. Have you been there before? - It's almost in Mexico, in fact. I've been near there. 654 00:37:02,167 --> 00:37:06,445 - Antelope Wells is right near the White Sands National Monument. - Uh-huh. 655 00:37:06,527 --> 00:37:10,122 They've got this fantastic, uh, hot springs nearby that not many people know about. 656 00:37:10,207 --> 00:37:14,041 Oh, I wish you could come along and show me around while Mel meets his family. 657 00:37:14,127 --> 00:37:17,881 - You have the personal days. You should do it, Paul. - I can't take time off work right now. 658 00:37:17,967 --> 00:37:20,435 - Unbelievable line at the bathroom! - I told 'em they gotta get a bigger bathroom. 659 00:37:20,527 --> 00:37:24,042 Look at him. He loves you. You're wonderful with children. 660 00:37:24,127 --> 00:37:28,200 Oh, I want one of these so badly. I'm telling you. 661 00:37:28,287 --> 00:37:31,882 Hey, could you help me out with an adoption, Tina? 662 00:37:32,687 --> 00:37:36,157 Well, that depends on the specifics of your situation. 663 00:37:36,247 --> 00:37:39,717 - Well, like what? - Number one: Are you married? 664 00:37:39,807 --> 00:37:41,923 - Yes. - Number two: Does your spouse work? 665 00:37:42,007 --> 00:37:45,841 - Yeah. - And is she willing to adopt? - You see, that's where the snag is. 666 00:37:45,927 --> 00:37:47,883 Then you've got a real problem. 667 00:37:49,527 --> 00:37:52,121 What would my chances be as a single parent? 668 00:37:52,207 --> 00:37:55,358 - Excuse me, please. - Why can't you stay and discuss this? 669 00:37:57,207 --> 00:38:00,722 - 'Cause I believe in privacy, that's why. - Right. We have nothing to be ashamed of, though. 670 00:38:00,807 --> 00:38:04,038 Because I don't want to share my personal life with everybody I meet, okay? 671 00:38:04,127 --> 00:38:06,322 She's not just anyone. She works in an adoption agency. 672 00:38:06,407 --> 00:38:09,843 I thought that she could be helpful. God! 673 00:38:09,927 --> 00:38:14,478 You know, I keep telling him that having a baby will reduce stress by taking his mind off work... 674 00:38:14,567 --> 00:38:17,764 but he just-- he doesn't listen, you know? 675 00:38:17,847 --> 00:38:20,919 So where did you folks come down on the big circumcision controversy? 676 00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:23,237 'Cause, you know, there's a movement afoot these days to keep the foreskin... 677 00:38:23,327 --> 00:38:28,162 and, personally, I think a boy's penis should look just like his father's. 678 00:38:28,247 --> 00:38:31,080 - You know? - Yeah, mm-hmm. - Can I have the baby? 679 00:38:31,167 --> 00:38:35,877 Oh, sure. Yeah. Here we go. Oh, so cute. 680 00:38:42,407 --> 00:38:47,606 My late husband devised his own anti-erosion system... 681 00:38:47,687 --> 00:38:52,886 that later on we had patented on the advice of a dear friend... 682 00:38:52,967 --> 00:38:57,722 who was in a law office with Gerald Ford. 683 00:38:57,807 --> 00:39:02,278 My brother has the same birthday as President Ford... 684 00:39:02,367 --> 00:39:05,598 who is a very sweet man. 685 00:39:05,687 --> 00:39:07,962 We met him twice. 686 00:39:09,807 --> 00:39:14,517 Once at a political rally and once at a golf tournament. 687 00:39:14,607 --> 00:39:17,804 And his wife is such a sweet lady. 688 00:39:17,887 --> 00:39:20,765 Betty Ford is so pretty. 689 00:39:20,847 --> 00:39:23,315 And why couldn't we go to a motel? 690 00:39:23,407 --> 00:39:26,683 Because at a motel we don't have the bonus... 691 00:39:26,767 --> 00:39:32,000 of someone related to Gerald Ford's birthday. 692 00:39:32,087 --> 00:39:35,636 We forgot your father's birthday. 693 00:39:35,727 --> 00:39:37,877 Oh, fuck. 694 00:39:42,487 --> 00:39:45,285 - Hello? - Hi, Mom. 695 00:39:45,367 --> 00:39:47,517 So, how's the psychic healing going? 696 00:39:47,607 --> 00:39:50,075 I am really sorry we didn't get back for Dad's birthday. 697 00:39:50,167 --> 00:39:52,840 It's all right. We'll try it again when he turns 65... 698 00:39:52,927 --> 00:39:55,441 provided he lives that long and you're not too busy. 699 00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:57,802 - I said I was sorry. - Why are you whispering? 700 00:39:57,887 --> 00:40:01,004 - Because I'm not supposed to be using this phone. - Are you all right? 701 00:40:01,087 --> 00:40:03,203 We're fine. It's just-- There was a big mix-up in San Diego... 702 00:40:03,287 --> 00:40:05,960 and then I ended up flattening a post office with a truck. 703 00:40:06,047 --> 00:40:08,686 - What truck? - Truck? What's happening with a truck? 704 00:40:08,767 --> 00:40:11,839 We had the wrong information. But we have the right information now, and we're going to New Mexico. 705 00:40:11,927 --> 00:40:14,600 - New Mexico? - Tell him they got uranium in the water down there. 706 00:40:14,687 --> 00:40:16,723 Shush. He's in some kind of trouble. 707 00:40:16,807 --> 00:40:18,843 - Did your car get bumped in San Diego? - No! 708 00:40:18,927 --> 00:40:21,487 I mean, yes, there was a minor incident. Nothing-- 709 00:40:21,567 --> 00:40:25,685 No, no! We don't do this here, unless it's an emergency. 710 00:40:25,767 --> 00:40:27,883 - What's the emergency? - Is it the baby? 711 00:40:27,967 --> 00:40:30,527 -Oh, my God! What's wrong with the baby? -The baby is fine. 712 00:40:30,607 --> 00:40:32,643 - Good. Then hang up. - Do you need help? 713 00:40:32,727 --> 00:40:35,525 - Things aren't-- - Do you see this sign? ''No phone calls after 8:00 p.m. 714 00:40:35,607 --> 00:40:39,282 - Use gas station at corner.'' - All right. Could I, could I just have 30 seconds, please? 715 00:40:39,367 --> 00:40:41,676 No. Do you want to pay my phone bills? 716 00:40:41,767 --> 00:40:43,678 - Thirty seconds. - Hang up! 717 00:40:43,767 --> 00:40:46,076 - Is that tyrant your mother? - No. I have to go, all right? 718 00:40:46,167 --> 00:40:48,840 - We're gonna be with the Schlichtings. - The ''Shitkings''? 719 00:40:48,927 --> 00:40:52,158 - What kind of a name is Shitking? - Schlichting. Schlichting. They're my parents. 720 00:40:52,247 --> 00:40:54,681 - What kind of a name is Shitking? - Verboten means verboten! - I don't know. 721 00:40:54,767 --> 00:40:57,725 I think it's German. We're gonna be in Antelope Wells. 722 00:40:58,967 --> 00:41:01,879 Hello? Mel? 723 00:41:02,807 --> 00:41:05,765 - I used my calling card. - That's not the point! 724 00:41:19,527 --> 00:41:22,087 I think something terrible is happening to him. 725 00:41:22,167 --> 00:41:24,601 - Calm down, calm down. - I can't calm down! 726 00:41:24,687 --> 00:41:27,759 - What did he say? - We have to do something. 727 00:41:27,847 --> 00:41:30,281 - All right, well, we'll call back. - We can't call back. 728 00:41:30,367 --> 00:41:33,200 He's on his way to New Mexico, for God's sake! 729 00:41:33,287 --> 00:41:36,484 Who knows what kind of people he's with? Anything is possible. 730 00:41:36,567 --> 00:41:38,797 Don't say that! You're starting to scare me. 731 00:41:38,887 --> 00:41:41,162 - I am not. You were already scared. - I was not! 732 00:41:41,247 --> 00:41:44,045 - Yes, you were. - Eddie, we have to do something! 733 00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:46,800 Like what? There's nothing we can do. 734 00:41:47,447 --> 00:41:51,281 - The kitchen's off-limits after 8:00. - What are you, her spy? 735 00:41:51,367 --> 00:41:55,155 - Why didn't you use Tina's phone? - 'Cause Tina's phone isn't working. 736 00:41:55,247 --> 00:41:58,478 You know, it's starting to feel like this whole thing is a big waste of time. 737 00:42:01,247 --> 00:42:04,000 - You're feeling frustrated. - Yes, I'm feeling very frustrated. 738 00:42:04,087 --> 00:42:06,726 I was worried your expectations were too high for all of this. 739 00:42:06,807 --> 00:42:10,356 - You know, maybe we should just forget everything and go home. - Don't do that. 740 00:42:10,447 --> 00:42:13,723 You always get so pessimistic when you're close to finishing something you've started. 741 00:42:13,807 --> 00:42:16,002 - I do not. - Yes, you do. You did it with the apartment. 742 00:42:16,087 --> 00:42:20,046 You loved it so much. The day we go to sign the lease, you start freaking out. 743 00:42:20,127 --> 00:42:23,881 And the wedding. How many times did you change the date? 744 00:42:24,567 --> 00:42:26,762 You're right. You're right. I do this all the time. 745 00:42:26,847 --> 00:42:29,122 So stick to your plan for once, okay? 746 00:42:29,207 --> 00:42:32,005 If you want to find your parents, find your parents. 747 00:42:37,407 --> 00:42:39,762 - Oh! - Oh, hi. - Hi. 748 00:42:39,847 --> 00:42:44,477 - Are you okay? You seem upset. - I owe you a big apology. 749 00:42:44,567 --> 00:42:48,560 I mean, this was-- this is not the way I planned this trip, not the way I wanted it to turn out. 750 00:42:48,647 --> 00:42:51,764 Look, look, it's been kind of difficult, but I think we've gotten past the bumps. 751 00:42:51,847 --> 00:42:54,281 You know, I feel, I feel really good about, about where we're going. 752 00:42:54,367 --> 00:42:57,325 I really think it's gonna be great. 753 00:42:58,527 --> 00:43:01,644 You're such an optimist. Where does that come from? 754 00:43:04,687 --> 00:43:08,077 Well, you know, I've always said it's a mistake to let pessimism take over... 755 00:43:08,167 --> 00:43:10,965 right before you're about to finish something. 756 00:43:11,047 --> 00:43:15,643 That's the complete opposite of my ex-husband. He was such a pessimistic pig. 757 00:43:17,967 --> 00:43:20,879 Well, I think you're doing a great job. Really. 758 00:43:20,967 --> 00:43:23,117 - Really. - Thanks. 759 00:43:23,207 --> 00:43:25,516 - Good night. - Good night. Good night. 760 00:43:46,567 --> 00:43:48,478 Thanks. 761 00:43:50,367 --> 00:43:52,278 Shit. 762 00:44:02,127 --> 00:44:05,085 What was that noise? Did you drop something? 763 00:44:05,167 --> 00:44:09,126 Goddam cat flew out of nowhere. Scared the hell out of me. 764 00:44:09,207 --> 00:44:11,960 - What are you doing? - Huh? 765 00:44:12,047 --> 00:44:15,084 - Where'd you get the pup tent? - I-- 766 00:44:15,167 --> 00:44:18,045 I'm feeling very sexual. I don't know. 767 00:44:18,127 --> 00:44:20,197 I'm just feeling like I want to-- 768 00:44:21,767 --> 00:44:26,283 Wait. Let me just take my glasses off. 769 00:44:27,647 --> 00:44:31,720 Wait a second. Wait, Mel! Mel, look at me. 770 00:44:33,887 --> 00:44:36,401 Just slow down for a second. Let's take our time. 771 00:44:36,487 --> 00:44:38,876 - Look at me. - Huh? Why? 772 00:44:38,967 --> 00:44:41,197 - Why aren't you looking at me? - What? What? I'm looking at you! 773 00:44:41,287 --> 00:44:44,882 - Why do I have to look at you? I mean-- - Well, why can't you look at me? 774 00:44:52,127 --> 00:44:54,925 I don't know. I don't know what's going on. 775 00:44:55,007 --> 00:44:57,521 I mean, don't you ever think that maybe it's not natural... 776 00:44:57,607 --> 00:44:59,643 for two people to be together their entire lives? 777 00:44:59,727 --> 00:45:03,276 - Do you ever think that? - Oh, I get it. 778 00:45:04,727 --> 00:45:06,922 Your parents weren't good enough for you... 779 00:45:07,007 --> 00:45:11,842 and now I'm not good enough for you because Tina's a skinny dancer, right? 780 00:45:11,927 --> 00:45:13,883 - No. What? - You know, it takes some women... 781 00:45:13,967 --> 00:45:17,118 more than a year to get back to their normal weight after having a baby. 782 00:45:17,207 --> 00:45:22,679 - You are not good B-and-B people! - Yeah, well, that's because we hate B-and-B's! 783 00:45:22,927 --> 00:45:26,044 - Thanks. - Look, we need to talk. 784 00:45:26,127 --> 00:45:31,599 - Okay. - I'm, I'm not sure I'm ready for an affair with a married man right now. 785 00:45:31,687 --> 00:45:35,566 I'm feeling just as confused as you are, okay? About the whole thing, all right? 786 00:45:35,647 --> 00:45:38,081 I'm in the middle of a divorce. I'm going to school at night. 787 00:45:38,167 --> 00:45:40,317 You know, I need to be taken seriously as a woman. 788 00:45:40,407 --> 00:45:43,285 I want to have my own children. I want to have my own life, you know? 789 00:45:43,367 --> 00:45:47,246 Not just some sort of vicarious semblance of like somebody else's life. 790 00:45:49,727 --> 00:45:52,241 Shit. 791 00:45:52,327 --> 00:45:54,238 - What's the matter with her? - Hi. 792 00:45:54,327 --> 00:45:58,115 She's upset about the way everything's going. She's really-- Yeah. 793 00:45:58,207 --> 00:46:01,995 Listen, I feel like I owe you an apology about last night. 794 00:46:02,087 --> 00:46:04,203 - Okay. - Well, I mean, I think we should discuss it... 795 00:46:04,287 --> 00:46:06,357 - because, you know, there's two sides to everything. - Hey, you guys! 796 00:46:06,447 --> 00:46:09,200 That doesn't sound like an apology. 797 00:46:09,287 --> 00:46:11,278 What the hell? 798 00:46:11,367 --> 00:46:13,403 - Hey! - Hello again, strangers. 799 00:46:13,487 --> 00:46:17,162 - Hey. Hi. - I'm sorry that I stormed out like that last night. 800 00:46:17,247 --> 00:46:19,886 But I suffer from hypertension. You probably already knew that. 801 00:46:19,967 --> 00:46:24,245 The whole thing was a blessing, really, because it finally made Paul realize how much he needs some R-and-R. 802 00:46:24,327 --> 00:46:27,364 - Sometimes you gotta be zonked on the head. What can I say? - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 803 00:46:27,447 --> 00:46:30,086 - Wait a minute, wait a minute. You guys are going to New Mexico? - We're goin', yeah. 804 00:46:30,167 --> 00:46:33,045 Nothing like a cruel acceptance of a casual invitation, right? 805 00:46:33,127 --> 00:46:36,199 - Invitation? What invitation? - I think you were in the bathroom. 806 00:46:36,287 --> 00:46:39,199 - Oops. Did we jump the gun here? - No, this'll be fine. 807 00:46:39,287 --> 00:46:41,403 No, wait. What do you mean it's fine? It's fine? 808 00:46:41,487 --> 00:46:44,081 - We're sightseeing. We're not gonna get in your way. - I'm glad to have the company. 809 00:46:44,167 --> 00:46:47,284 - It's gonna be fun. - Look, we already checked in. Why don't I find a row for the baby, okay? 810 00:46:47,367 --> 00:46:49,278 - Terrific! - Okay. Bye-bye. - Thanks. 811 00:46:49,367 --> 00:46:51,881 - Bye. - We'll see you on board, Mel. 812 00:46:51,967 --> 00:46:54,879 I'm sorry about that. I didn't expect them to show up, honey. 813 00:46:54,967 --> 00:46:58,004 - So what? You just had a little extra hostility to work out? - It isn't hostility. 814 00:46:58,087 --> 00:47:00,999 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - I just barely mentioned it to them. - Right, great, great. - Right? 815 00:47:01,087 --> 00:47:03,476 - Great, great. - Right? - Whatever, okay? 816 00:47:03,567 --> 00:47:06,798 I wasn't circumcised until I was a year old. 817 00:47:06,887 --> 00:47:09,447 - Wow! Why? - I had hypospadias. 818 00:47:09,527 --> 00:47:13,725 - What is that? - Here you are, sir. - Well, hypospadias is like a curvature of the penis that-- 819 00:47:13,807 --> 00:47:16,196 - They have to adjust it with a whole operation. - Really? 820 00:47:16,287 --> 00:47:18,517 - Yeah. I had it done when I was young. I mean, it's fine now. - Oh, wow. 821 00:47:18,607 --> 00:47:22,202 - Here you go. Honey? - What? - Why don't you cover yourself, hmm? 822 00:47:22,287 --> 00:47:25,324 I just finished nursing him, okay? 823 00:47:27,767 --> 00:47:30,679 Ever heard of hypospadias? 824 00:47:30,767 --> 00:47:33,486 Is there something wrong with the plane? 825 00:47:35,487 --> 00:47:39,605 - How, how is the nipple irritation? - It's really bad, actually. 826 00:47:39,687 --> 00:47:41,598 You know why? 'Cause I, I was watching you... 827 00:47:41,687 --> 00:47:45,316 and I think you might be holding him at the wrong angle. Hey, I meant-- 828 00:47:45,407 --> 00:47:48,205 - I've been doing this for a while now. - Oh, I know you have. 829 00:47:48,287 --> 00:47:51,916 But, but, you see, when he's under, when he's under your breast like this... 830 00:47:52,007 --> 00:47:56,444 - Mm-hmm. - and, see, he pulls down on the nipple which obviously causes more irritation. 831 00:47:56,527 --> 00:48:00,361 - But if you're out here and bring him straight into the breasts-- - Uh-huh. 832 00:48:00,447 --> 00:48:05,521 - You know? I mean-- - How'd you get to be such an expert on all this? 833 00:48:05,607 --> 00:48:08,121 - I went out with a woman who was a midwife. - Really? 834 00:48:08,207 --> 00:48:11,517 - Yeah. You have very beautiful breasts, by the way. - Thank you. 835 00:48:11,607 --> 00:48:13,518 I re-- I remember them from high school. 836 00:48:13,607 --> 00:48:16,565 - Do you? - Yeah. No, not that I was like looking at them... 837 00:48:16,647 --> 00:48:18,797 but, I mean, I just saw them in passing. 838 00:48:18,887 --> 00:48:22,118 - Hey, Paul? - Yes, here. - Do you mind finding another seat? 839 00:48:22,207 --> 00:48:26,758 - I won't look. - No, no, no, no. We need it for the baby to stretch out. 840 00:48:26,847 --> 00:48:29,759 - It would really help us out. - Oh. Another seat, huh? 841 00:48:29,847 --> 00:48:32,122 - Yeah. - Oh, ok-- Yeah. 842 00:48:32,207 --> 00:48:35,563 - Yeah? Great. - Thanks a million. Thanks. - No, that's-- 843 00:48:35,647 --> 00:48:37,797 - Okay. - Thanks. - All right. 844 00:48:37,887 --> 00:48:40,879 - Hey, thanks for the water. - Yeah. - That's the headache pressure point. 845 00:48:40,967 --> 00:48:44,403 - Mmm. - Can you feel it? - Yeah. 846 00:48:44,487 --> 00:48:48,082 Is there something happening here that I haven't been clued into yet? 847 00:48:48,167 --> 00:48:51,364 Paul, would you mind finding another seat? 848 00:48:51,447 --> 00:48:55,838 This is wonderful. This is great. I just-- I can't believe how naive I am. 849 00:48:55,927 --> 00:48:58,885 Sir, I can't have you moving around. Please sit in your assigned seat, okay? 850 00:48:58,967 --> 00:49:02,642 Okay, okay. Is anybody sitting here? 851 00:49:02,727 --> 00:49:06,037 Does anybody actually own a white Taurus, or are they all just rentals? 852 00:49:06,127 --> 00:49:09,642 Are you kidding me? This is the most reliable mid-size in America, according to all the big reports. 853 00:49:09,727 --> 00:49:12,525 I'm feeling very depressed, and I would like to talk about what's happening here. 854 00:49:12,607 --> 00:49:15,838 - What are you feeling depressed about? - I feel like there's an agenda and it's not what I had in mind. 855 00:49:15,927 --> 00:49:18,805 - What agenda? - Well, do I have to spell it out? I'm the fifth wheel here. 856 00:49:18,887 --> 00:49:22,436 - How do you think that makes me feel? - We're riding in two cars until we get to the B-and-B, Paul. 857 00:49:22,527 --> 00:49:25,087 - That's not an agenda. - Let's just hit the road, okay? 858 00:49:25,167 --> 00:49:27,761 You don't mind if he rides with you, right? 859 00:49:27,847 --> 00:49:30,566 - Why can't he ride with you? - See what you're doing to me? 860 00:49:30,647 --> 00:49:34,322 - Ride with us. I don't care. Ride with us. - Oh, that's so generous of you, Tony. 861 00:49:34,407 --> 00:49:37,126 You know, I think I'll ride with illicit couple number two. 862 00:49:39,967 --> 00:49:42,879 Oh, no. He does this to me every eight months. 863 00:49:42,967 --> 00:49:46,357 -I ought to get used to it by now, but-- -What? What does he do? 864 00:49:46,447 --> 00:49:49,439 He gets antsy and he runs off with somebody else. 865 00:49:49,527 --> 00:49:52,758 Well, I think that that's common, you know, among certain types of married men. 866 00:49:52,847 --> 00:49:55,077 I'm the rock, he's the flake. So that's life. 867 00:49:55,167 --> 00:49:59,285 That's exactly what my ex-husband used to say when he was trying to feel superior to me. 868 00:49:59,367 --> 00:50:01,437 - Tony's flights of terror from his own life... - Ex. 869 00:50:01,527 --> 00:50:03,438 have nothing to do with my superiority. 870 00:50:03,527 --> 00:50:05,882 - Well, it's not terror that makes people wander. - I know. 871 00:50:05,967 --> 00:50:10,358 - It's vitality. - I see. Is it vitality that led Mel to leave his wife for you? 872 00:50:10,447 --> 00:50:12,961 - Paul, would you mind riding in the other car? - I don't know. I don't mind. 873 00:50:13,047 --> 00:50:15,322 - Good. Could we just pull over here? - Yeah. I think-- 874 00:50:15,407 --> 00:50:17,557 So what happened in the other car anyway? 875 00:50:17,647 --> 00:50:20,115 Oh, Paul was probably lecturing them, right? 876 00:50:20,207 --> 00:50:23,517 No, I wasn't lecturing them. I was asking questions. That's all. I wasn't lecturing. 877 00:50:23,607 --> 00:50:25,802 Oh, my God. Is that-- You brought your gun. 878 00:50:25,887 --> 00:50:28,606 Absolutely I brought it. You never-- You get beeped for an emergency. 879 00:50:28,687 --> 00:50:31,724 You know, you're such a hopeless workaholic. We're on vacation, for God's sake. 880 00:50:31,807 --> 00:50:34,560 - Oh, yeah, such a good time. - No, Mel's like that too. He cannot enjoy anything. - You know, if you-- 881 00:50:34,647 --> 00:50:38,276 If you can't commit to our marriage now, what are you gonna do when we have a baby? Huh? 882 00:50:42,652 --> 00:50:45,120 Why can't he ride with you, huh? Hey, you invited them in the first place. 883 00:50:45,212 --> 00:50:47,601 - Could you pass me the Baby Wipes? - Where are you going? 884 00:50:47,692 --> 00:50:50,365 - To pee. - You're just gonna-- Right here? 885 00:50:50,452 --> 00:50:53,683 You're just gonna squat? 886 00:50:55,972 --> 00:50:59,601 - Why do you have to take your keys with you to pee anyway? - I just wasn't thinking, okay? 887 00:50:59,692 --> 00:51:01,887 It's-- I don't know how many times I've told you to keep your keys... 888 00:51:01,972 --> 00:51:04,691 - in one place. -Just shut up! Fuck. 889 00:51:15,372 --> 00:51:19,490 Nancy was saying you guys were having some tension around oral sex? 890 00:51:19,572 --> 00:51:21,210 - Oh, was she? - Yeah. - Really? 891 00:51:21,292 --> 00:51:23,522 - Yeah. Uh-- Hey. - Oh. - It happens to me too, but... 892 00:51:23,612 --> 00:51:27,321 you know, a technique that I find useful-- humming to myself. 893 00:51:27,412 --> 00:51:29,323 - Humming to yourself? - Yep, humming. - Really? 894 00:51:29,412 --> 00:51:32,290 - Seems to release the tension so I can enjoy the fellatio. It's great. - Great. Great. 895 00:51:32,372 --> 00:51:34,567 - Thank you. Thanks for the tip. - You bet. - All right. 896 00:51:34,652 --> 00:51:37,450 Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex? 897 00:51:37,532 --> 00:51:40,968 You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. 898 00:51:41,052 --> 00:51:42,963 That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies. 899 00:51:43,052 --> 00:51:46,010 For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-- I mean, in, uh, in the sense... 900 00:51:46,092 --> 00:51:49,402 that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. 901 00:51:49,492 --> 00:51:52,802 - Not into penetration, at all. - To a fault. 902 00:51:52,892 --> 00:51:55,406 - Okay, do we have to talk about this right now? - Well, why not? 903 00:51:55,492 --> 00:51:57,687 - Are you a homophobic? - No, I-- - I think it's interesting. 904 00:51:57,772 --> 00:51:59,728 - Really? Well, I think maybe-- maybe we shouldn't. - No, I think it's very-- Oh, God. - Well-- Uh, no-- Uh-- 905 00:51:59,812 --> 00:52:03,487 - Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel. - How primeval. What? 906 00:52:03,572 --> 00:52:06,086 - Paul, don't patronize her. - I'm not patronizing her. 907 00:52:06,172 --> 00:52:08,208 She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS... 908 00:52:08,292 --> 00:52:11,887 and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? 909 00:52:11,972 --> 00:52:15,009 - Tested negative three times in the last seven months. - Really? 910 00:52:15,092 --> 00:52:17,560 - If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times. - What does that mean? 911 00:52:26,492 --> 00:52:29,928 I'm sorry. Uh, maybe we should've sprung for an updated edition, huh? 912 00:52:30,012 --> 00:52:33,527 Hmm. I mean, uh, the picture's right here. It was a nice B-and-B. 913 00:52:33,612 --> 00:52:37,810 Yeah, they probably had something about the uranium contamination in the new edition. Yeah. 914 00:52:37,892 --> 00:52:40,850 Did it ever occur to you to call first? Or-- 915 00:52:40,932 --> 00:52:43,890 Without spontaneity, the world of B-and-B's is fairly meaningless. 916 00:52:43,972 --> 00:52:47,169 Oh. Well, then, I hope you have a tent because that's the only way that you can be spontaneous... 917 00:52:47,252 --> 00:52:48,765 in the middle of the desert at this hour. 918 00:52:48,852 --> 00:52:51,127 Maybe Mel's parents can suggest a place. 919 00:52:51,212 --> 00:52:53,123 Oh, right, I'm just going to, uh, show up with 50 people. 920 00:52:53,212 --> 00:52:55,521 ''Hi. I haven't seen you for about 30 years. This is my posse. 921 00:52:55,612 --> 00:52:57,807 And, by the way, Nancy invited along these two gay guys just for fun... 922 00:52:57,892 --> 00:52:59,803 and, you know, we're gonna be here for a while.'' 923 00:52:59,892 --> 00:53:02,087 Wh-Wh-What does gay guys have to do with anything? 924 00:53:02,172 --> 00:53:04,527 Nothing. It has nothing to do with anything, okay? I didn't mean to be insulting. 925 00:53:04,612 --> 00:53:06,728 Then why'd you say it, neurotic guy? 926 00:53:08,412 --> 00:53:10,926 - Th-That's my designation? I'm ''neurotic guy''? - Mm-hmm. 927 00:53:11,012 --> 00:53:13,526 - Uh-huh, uh-huh. - Yeah. - I don't think you know me well enough to call me ''neurotic guy.'' 928 00:53:13,612 --> 00:53:15,682 Oh, really? ''Gay guy'' isn't intimate? 929 00:53:15,772 --> 00:53:18,411 - Look, do you wanna file an anti-defamation suit... - There's no intimacy happening here. 930 00:53:18,492 --> 00:53:20,403 or do you want to get to the ''Schwingkings''' before midnight? Okay? 931 00:53:20,492 --> 00:53:23,211 Is this another surprise visit, or did you call first this time? 932 00:53:23,292 --> 00:53:26,921 - You know, I spoke with them already. I told you that, Nancy. - What? What? 933 00:53:27,012 --> 00:53:29,367 - What? - What, do you want to get intimate? Is that what you're saying? 934 00:53:29,452 --> 00:53:31,602 - Hey, the baby's going to sleep. - Huh? No? 935 00:53:36,612 --> 00:53:40,571 - You hear that? - Yeah. Yeah. - Lend me your comb 936 00:53:40,652 --> 00:53:43,291 It's time to go home 937 00:53:43,372 --> 00:53:46,011 Gotta confess 938 00:53:46,092 --> 00:53:48,401 My hair is a mess 939 00:53:50,012 --> 00:53:53,243 Your mama will scold you 940 00:53:53,332 --> 00:53:55,892 Your daddy will shout 941 00:53:55,972 --> 00:53:58,566 As we come in 942 00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:01,371 The way we went out 943 00:54:03,132 --> 00:54:06,522 Kissin'you was fun Honey bun 944 00:54:06,612 --> 00:54:09,331 Thanks for the date 945 00:54:09,412 --> 00:54:12,529 Time has come Honey, honey bun 946 00:54:12,612 --> 00:54:15,809 You know, baby, it's a-gettin'late 947 00:54:15,892 --> 00:54:18,804 Just wait till I 948 00:54:18,892 --> 00:54:20,928 Straighten my tie 949 00:54:21,012 --> 00:54:23,526 Lend me your comb 950 00:54:23,612 --> 00:54:26,206 We've got to go home 951 00:54:26,292 --> 00:54:30,808 - This is a long porch. - It's a beautiful house, though. 952 00:54:35,092 --> 00:54:37,731 - Sorry. - Do you think you can wait back in the car? 953 00:54:37,812 --> 00:54:39,803 - Gotta go to the bathroom. - Hi! - Hi! 954 00:54:39,892 --> 00:54:42,486 - It's so late. We were getting worried about you. - I hope my directions were all right. 955 00:54:42,572 --> 00:54:46,247 - Oh, they were great. This place is so isolated. - Oh, that's what we love about it too. 956 00:54:46,332 --> 00:54:48,527 - I'm Tina Kalb. We spoke on the phone. - Tina. 957 00:54:48,612 --> 00:54:50,603 - Oh, yeah, right. Hi. Oh. - We were shocked to get your call yesterday. 958 00:54:50,692 --> 00:54:54,605 - Yeah. I'm, I'm just amazed that you ran into Fritz Boudreau after all these years. - Nice to meet you. 959 00:54:54,692 --> 00:54:59,208 - He's something. - Yeah. Well, he never got over the fact that Mary left him for me. 960 00:54:59,292 --> 00:55:01,522 Which one of you is Mel? 961 00:55:01,612 --> 00:55:03,921 That's me. 962 00:55:04,012 --> 00:55:07,448 - Mary Schlichting. - Oh, so that's how you pronounce it. - Oh! 963 00:55:07,532 --> 00:55:10,171 - Nobody ever gets it right. Hi. - Hi. - And this must be your wife. 964 00:55:10,252 --> 00:55:13,767 - Nancy. - Nancy, hi. Welcome to our family. - Hi. Look at the baby. 965 00:55:13,852 --> 00:55:16,605 - Well, he's sleeping. - These are our friends. 966 00:55:16,692 --> 00:55:19,206 - Uh, Tony and Paul. - Tony. - Paul. Mr Schlichting. 967 00:55:19,292 --> 00:55:21,487 - Hello, uh, Paul. Hi. Hello. How you doing? - I'm Tony. 968 00:55:21,572 --> 00:55:23,528 They were going to stay at Rancho Arroyo. 969 00:55:23,612 --> 00:55:27,730 - Oh, my goodness. You can't stay there. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no. They, they found that-- We read about that. 970 00:55:27,812 --> 00:55:29,928 - Uranium, yeah. - Uranium, yeah. - Yeah. - Highly toxic. 971 00:55:30,012 --> 00:55:32,287 Thank God that's far away from here. You don't have to worry about that. 972 00:55:32,372 --> 00:55:35,330 - Well, could you recommend a motel? - Oh, no! No, no, no. - Oh, no need to go to a motel. 973 00:55:35,412 --> 00:55:39,041 - There isn't a decent motel for a hundred miles. - And we have plenty of room here for all of you. 974 00:55:39,132 --> 00:55:40,724 - Oh, thank you. - Great. - Sure, sure. 975 00:55:40,812 --> 00:55:44,122 - I-I-I don't want everyone to stay here with you. It's-- - Why can't everyone stay here? 976 00:55:44,212 --> 00:55:47,682 - Because this is a private thing. - You know, if I could just lay down. I'd like to go right to bed and put the baby to sleep. 977 00:55:47,772 --> 00:55:50,684 Sure. Let me help you. Don't you want to eat something before you-- 978 00:55:50,772 --> 00:55:55,084 - No. Thanks. I'm not hungry. - Nancy, come on. You're always hungry. 979 00:55:55,172 --> 00:55:58,084 - Fuck you. - What? I'm, I'm sorry? 980 00:55:58,172 --> 00:56:00,561 It's just-- You know, this isn't the time or the place for this, okay? 981 00:56:00,652 --> 00:56:03,644 Oh, but it was the time and place to wrestle with her... 982 00:56:03,732 --> 00:56:06,200 in San Diego, right, and break a bunch of glass animals? 983 00:56:06,292 --> 00:56:09,409 That's i-- That's fine? That was a perfect time? 984 00:56:09,492 --> 00:56:13,804 -I'm sorry, is this inappropriate? -Nothing in this house is inappropriate. We'll be upstairs. 985 00:56:13,892 --> 00:56:17,202 You know, I-I'll get the, the bags. I think I want to lay down too. 986 00:56:17,292 --> 00:56:20,090 I bet you would. 987 00:56:20,172 --> 00:56:23,687 - Hmm. Hmm. - Having some problems, huh? 988 00:56:23,772 --> 00:56:26,286 Yeah, we're kind of having a little bit of a-- 989 00:56:26,372 --> 00:56:29,489 - Yeah. It's, uh-- - This, uh, some kind of a swapping thing you got here? 990 00:56:29,572 --> 00:56:33,008 - That what it is? - No. No, no, no, no.Just, you know, there's a little friction, that's all. 991 00:56:33,092 --> 00:56:36,050 - I mean, you know-- - And then, and, and these guys came along with us. - Well, you know, you know-- 992 00:56:36,132 --> 00:56:40,011 - You know, marriage is tough. You just got-- You gotta be flexible in marriage, right? - Yeah. Yeah. 993 00:56:40,092 --> 00:56:42,526 - This thing is wonderful, by the way. Who made this? - That's my work. 994 00:56:42,612 --> 00:56:44,284 - Really? You did this? Wow. - Yeah. 995 00:56:44,372 --> 00:56:47,091 - Yeah, I got a blacksmith shop out in the barn, and I do my sculptures there... - Oh. 996 00:56:47,172 --> 00:56:49,402 - and Mary throws her pots. - Great. 997 00:56:49,492 --> 00:56:53,007 - Really? She's into, into pottery? Pottery? - Oh, she's gonna love showing you her pottery. Yeah, look at this. 998 00:56:53,092 --> 00:56:56,129 - See, this, this is slab construction. If you can see the-- - Yeah. 999 00:56:56,212 --> 00:56:58,772 Uh, when I roll it out, then I have weeds in with the rolling pin. 1000 00:56:58,852 --> 00:57:01,366 - I press them right into the surface. - You know, just ordinary weeds. - You put the weeds in the clay, yeah. 1001 00:57:01,452 --> 00:57:03,761 And then when you fire it, the weed-- the weeds burn off. Here, just stick-- 1002 00:57:03,852 --> 00:57:06,241 - See, so where the weeds were, you get the-- - Stick your fingers in here, you know. 1003 00:57:06,332 --> 00:57:08,892 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah-- - Now, stick two fingers inside... 1004 00:57:08,972 --> 00:57:11,088 - and just caress the-- That's it. Now-- - Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah. 1005 00:57:11,172 --> 00:57:14,687 - Uh-huh. Now feel the texture on the out-- No, against your face. - Yeah, so it's much-- Up here. 1006 00:57:14,772 --> 00:57:16,683 - That texture is-- - Oh, it's kind of-- Yeah, it's very rough. 1007 00:57:16,772 --> 00:57:18,683 - That texture is really amazing. - Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's great. - It looks rough... 1008 00:57:18,772 --> 00:57:20,888 - but it's very smooth, isn't it? - Doesn't that feel good? Isn't it something? - Right, right, it's smooth. 1009 00:57:20,972 --> 00:57:23,202 - Smoother than you would think, but, but still, still really-- - Yeah. 1010 00:57:23,292 --> 00:57:26,921 This is wonderful. Great stu-- I mean, and you guys, you guys are making a living through the arts, huh? 1011 00:57:27,012 --> 00:57:29,321 - Well, we try. We-- Sometimes you have to supplement. - We try to, but, you know, sometimes-- 1012 00:57:29,412 --> 00:57:32,051 - Yeah, you have to supplement with other things. - These are all mine. 1013 00:57:32,132 --> 00:57:35,568 Every one of them, I made-- Oh, let-- I want to show you a big one I love. 1014 00:57:35,652 --> 00:57:37,768 This environment is so much more creative than the one I grew up in. 1015 00:57:37,852 --> 00:57:41,208 - Oh, thanks. That's nice. - It's really-- - This is a wood fire process. 1016 00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:43,681 - Uh-huh. Uh, is this-- - See how this-- Hmm? 1017 00:57:43,772 --> 00:57:47,401 - Who's that? - That's our other son. 1018 00:57:47,492 --> 00:57:50,290 - You mean I have a brother? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - You wanna say hello to Lonnie? 1019 00:57:50,372 --> 00:57:54,001 - Yes. He's been feeling a little threatened about meeting you, so be patient. - Uh-huh. 1020 00:57:54,092 --> 00:57:58,005 Hi. How you doing? That's a beautiful song you're playing there. 1021 00:58:00,212 --> 00:58:04,444 - Is supper almost ready? Lonnie? - Yeah, we better-- We better go in and, and eat. 1022 00:58:04,532 --> 00:58:07,968 He's been cooking all day. Bagged the quail himself this morning. 1023 00:58:08,052 --> 00:58:10,486 Ooh, wild quail. That's terrific. 1024 00:58:10,572 --> 00:58:12,881 Oh, you're in for a great treat. Lonnie's a really good cook. 1025 00:58:16,052 --> 00:58:20,921 Ooh, the special son is here tonight 1026 00:58:21,012 --> 00:58:23,003 Little Cinderella oughta cook up 1027 00:58:23,092 --> 00:58:26,368 Something special for him 1028 00:58:26,452 --> 00:58:28,363 Lonnie, can you make 1029 00:58:28,452 --> 00:58:31,967 Your quail tonight 1030 00:58:34,412 --> 00:58:36,448 Okay. 1031 00:58:37,772 --> 00:58:40,161 You know-- You know what I want, I want to have happen? I want Mel-- 1032 00:58:40,252 --> 00:58:42,561 I want you to sit over there next to your father. 1033 00:58:42,652 --> 00:58:44,370 - Oh, it's okay. - Oh, it's no problem. 1034 00:58:44,452 --> 00:58:46,647 Then I have all three of my fellows in a row. 1035 00:58:46,732 --> 00:58:48,609 All right. Come on. Come on. Come around. 1036 00:58:48,692 --> 00:58:51,286 - Um, maybe you should take your, your plate with you. - You don't mind, do you, Paul? - That's all right. I didn't touch it. 1037 00:58:51,372 --> 00:58:53,806 Come on, come on. Sit down. You like quail? 1038 00:58:53,892 --> 00:58:56,850 - See? - No, I never had quail. - Where are you? 1039 00:58:56,932 --> 00:58:59,207 You all right? 1040 00:58:59,292 --> 00:59:01,283 - I just don't wanna talk about it. I need to calm down. - All right. 1041 00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:04,011 Well, if you do wanna talk about it, you know, I, I wanna be here for you. 1042 00:59:04,092 --> 00:59:06,606 - Thank you. - Want me to take care of the baby? 1043 00:59:06,692 --> 00:59:09,604 He's fine. He's sleeping. 1044 00:59:09,692 --> 00:59:13,685 - Um, do you mind if I take a shower? - No, I don't care, but could I-- 1045 00:59:13,772 --> 00:59:16,081 - Could I just have a second? - Okay. 1046 00:59:16,612 --> 00:59:19,410 So, um, Fritz said you were a scientist, Richard. 1047 00:59:19,492 --> 00:59:23,531 Yeah, I was a-- I was a chemist for Maple Brothers in the Bay Area before we came out here. 1048 00:59:23,612 --> 00:59:25,887 - Right, the aspirin company. - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 1049 00:59:25,972 --> 00:59:30,250 Decongestants, nasal sprays, all that, uh, you know, that consumer crap. I couldn't wait to quit. 1050 00:59:30,332 --> 00:59:32,800 - Oh, he hated it. - Mm-hmm. I'm a scientist too. 1051 00:59:32,892 --> 00:59:34,325 - No, you're kidding! - Yeah. - Oh, you're kidding! 1052 00:59:34,412 --> 00:59:36,926 - Oh, my God! What are you-- What's, what's your specialty? What, what's your field? - Entomology. 1053 00:59:37,012 --> 00:59:38,923 - No! Isn't that incredible? - I love it. - Yeah. 1054 00:59:39,012 --> 00:59:42,925 - A genetic connection! - Yeah. See, that is wonderful. - Oh, my God! That's incredible! 1055 00:59:43,012 --> 00:59:46,209 - That is wonderful. - Oh, that's amazing. - For some reason, Lonnie never seemed to have an interest in science. 1056 00:59:46,292 --> 00:59:49,204 - Mm, what does that mean? - Hey, she doesn't mean anything. 1057 00:59:49,292 --> 00:59:53,331 It means something that you never had-- an interest in science. Look at the other things you do. 1058 00:59:53,412 --> 00:59:56,370 Yeah, well, who knows? I might have had an interest in sculpture if these guys didn't give me away. 1059 00:59:56,452 --> 00:59:58,363 - Yeah, who knows what might have happened? - Yeah, I know. 1060 00:59:58,452 --> 01:00:02,331 - Give me a kiss. - Yeah, wh-wh-wh-what did happen? 1061 01:00:02,412 --> 01:00:06,610 - About what? - Well, why did you guys give me up? 1062 01:00:06,692 --> 01:00:08,808 Why did we give him away? 1063 01:00:08,892 --> 01:00:10,883 - The big question. - That's the question. 1064 01:00:10,972 --> 01:00:13,008 Well, Fritz Boudreau said that you were indisposed... 1065 01:00:13,092 --> 01:00:15,526 and so that's how he came to bring Mel to the agency. 1066 01:00:15,612 --> 01:00:17,728 - ''Indisposed''? Is that what he said? - Yeah, indisp-- 1067 01:00:17,812 --> 01:00:21,043 - That's the word Fritz used? - That's-- That would have been nice. - Big word for the fellow, huh? 1068 01:00:21,132 --> 01:00:24,204 - I wouldn't mind being indisposed. - Okay, I'm gonna tell the story. 1069 01:00:24,292 --> 01:00:28,604 Um, how, how much detail do you have to go into here? 1070 01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:31,411 I want Mel to know what happened, or he'll never believe we cared about him. 1071 01:00:31,492 --> 01:00:34,802 - What are you hanging onto that for? - You're holding onto it. 1072 01:00:34,892 --> 01:00:37,884 - I'm not holding onto anything. - I'm letting it go. - Uh, you're holding onto these things. 1073 01:00:37,972 --> 01:00:40,088 Uh, tell him. Go ahead, tell him. I don't care. Go ahead. 1074 01:00:40,172 --> 01:00:43,608 So, Mel, you know we were living in San Francisco, and it was the mid '60s, right? 1075 01:00:43,692 --> 01:00:47,401 - Uh-huh, yeah. - And we were part of a very progressive group of artists... 1076 01:00:47,492 --> 01:00:52,008 - and there was one band at the centre of it. - A band? Wh-Wh-What band? 1077 01:00:52,092 --> 01:00:54,925 Jerry Garcia, blah, blah, blah. 1078 01:00:55,012 --> 01:00:57,606 I am so sick of this fucking story! 1079 01:00:57,692 --> 01:01:01,002 It's so boring! You've been telling it for years! Give it up! 1080 01:01:06,492 --> 01:01:09,086 - He doesn't like it when I tell this story. - What happened with Jerry Garcia? 1081 01:01:09,172 --> 01:01:12,005 - Nothing. - Nothing happened with Jerry Garcia, but Richard and I went to prison-- 1082 01:01:12,092 --> 01:01:14,481 -Right-- Right after you were born. -And that's why we had to give you away. 1083 01:01:14,572 --> 01:01:17,962 - You went to prison? - Oh, don't be stigmatized by it. 1084 01:01:18,052 --> 01:01:20,168 - It wasn't a serious crime. - Oh, God, it was nothing. 1085 01:01:20,252 --> 01:01:22,561 - Not even a crime. - It was absolutely nothing. 1086 01:01:22,652 --> 01:01:24,768 - Next to nothing, really. - Less than nothing. Have you ever, you know, like, driven... 1087 01:01:24,852 --> 01:01:27,161 a few miles over the speed limit, or something like that? 1088 01:01:27,252 --> 01:01:29,368 - Yeah, sure. - It was less than that. 1089 01:01:29,452 --> 01:01:31,488 If you speed, y-you know, you could hurt somebody. 1090 01:01:31,572 --> 01:01:33,563 - This is-- - So, were you-- you were jailed for driving? 1091 01:01:33,652 --> 01:01:36,610 - No, no, no. No, there was no driving. I tried-- - How did they get that? 1092 01:01:36,692 --> 01:01:39,809 I'm, I'm, I'm, uh-- I'm sorry, I'm totally lost here. 1093 01:01:45,812 --> 01:01:47,882 - Hi. - Hi. 1094 01:01:47,972 --> 01:01:50,202 - Here, I'll get out of your way. Aah! - Ooh. 1095 01:01:50,292 --> 01:01:52,487 - What are you doing? - Oh, I don't know. What did I do? 1096 01:01:52,572 --> 01:01:55,006 - Oh, no, no. It's okay. Relax. Relax. - No, watch out. You-- 1097 01:01:55,092 --> 01:01:57,731 - I-- You could hurt your fingers. - Watch how you-- 1098 01:01:57,812 --> 01:02:00,406 - Whoops. - Sh-- 1099 01:02:00,492 --> 01:02:02,801 - I'm so clumsy. - No, you're not. 1100 01:02:02,892 --> 01:02:05,008 You know, I have these, uh, these, these-- 1101 01:02:05,092 --> 01:02:07,560 - three Italian prints at home that I keep, uh-- - Mm-hmm. 1102 01:02:07,652 --> 01:02:09,563 I don't know what to do-- if I should frame them myself... 1103 01:02:09,652 --> 01:02:12,530 - or maybe I should take them to somebody else. - I, uh-- I would-- I would take them to the framer. 1104 01:02:12,612 --> 01:02:14,921 - Yeah? - Yeah, well-- 1105 01:02:15,012 --> 01:02:18,129 - So maybe that's what I'll do. I think that-- Yeah. - Do you want to take a shower? 1106 01:02:18,212 --> 01:02:21,921 - No, go ahead. - No, I mean together? 1107 01:02:22,012 --> 01:02:26,608 Your husband's been taking you for granted a little bit, don't you think? 1108 01:02:26,692 --> 01:02:29,684 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1109 01:02:29,772 --> 01:02:32,002 Here. Let me go get my shower cap. 1110 01:02:32,092 --> 01:02:34,811 - You made LSD? Is that-- That's what you're saying? - Yeah. Oh, yeah, but-- 1111 01:02:34,892 --> 01:02:38,680 - We made LSD. - Yes, yes. We made acid. - And we gave it out to people who needed it. 1112 01:02:38,772 --> 01:02:42,128 You know that there are hundreds of pharmaceutical executives in this country... 1113 01:02:42,212 --> 01:02:46,046 - Oh! - that are selling drugs, FDA approved drugs? 1114 01:02:46,132 --> 01:02:49,886 - Oh! - On the open market. - Oh, on the-- Over the counter with incredible side-- 1115 01:02:49,972 --> 01:02:51,963 - Horrible side effects. - Terrible side effects. 1116 01:02:52,052 --> 01:02:53,963 - And these people are not in jail. - They're not in prison anywhere. 1117 01:02:54,052 --> 01:02:56,691 They're, they're, they're in country clubs or playing golf. They're having drinks. 1118 01:02:56,772 --> 01:02:58,683 - They're running the country. - They're not-- - They're running the country, Mel. 1119 01:02:58,772 --> 01:03:01,923 - Y-You know, LSD shouldn't be a felony in the first place. - It's not addictive. 1120 01:03:02,012 --> 01:03:04,003 - It doesn't lead to violent crime. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. 1121 01:03:04,092 --> 01:03:06,652 - It's really the only hope for the species. - Yeah. 1122 01:03:06,732 --> 01:03:08,962 D-Did you take acid while you were pregnant with me? 1123 01:03:09,052 --> 01:03:11,088 You're not gonna bring that thing up, are you? 1124 01:03:11,172 --> 01:03:13,970 You know the stuff they tell you about, you know, chromosome damage and all that stuff? 1125 01:03:14,052 --> 01:03:16,168 - Yeah, I do! - That's government propaganda. 1126 01:03:16,252 --> 01:03:19,210 - Total propaganda. - They just want to get a hold of your head, that's all. 1127 01:03:19,292 --> 01:03:24,082 I was relieved, though, when you came out in the hospital and you only had one head. 1128 01:03:26,212 --> 01:03:29,329 - Very funny. - She-- She kills me! 1129 01:03:29,412 --> 01:03:31,721 - Oh, he was such a cute baby. - It would've been kinda nice... 1130 01:03:31,812 --> 01:03:35,771 - if he had, like, a third eye right there, you know? - Mm-hmm. 1131 01:03:35,852 --> 01:03:38,366 - I-- M-Mel-- - You know, you know, a third eye is a symbol of enlightenment. 1132 01:03:38,452 --> 01:03:40,488 - You kn-- You know, he's not-- he's not, he's not getting it. He's-- - Mel. 1133 01:03:40,572 --> 01:03:44,281 - Identity is nothing but a mental construct. - Mental construct? 1134 01:03:44,372 --> 01:03:48,684 - You mustn't fixate on it. - Have you ever read any Tibetan Buddhism, like Chaos theory? 1135 01:03:48,772 --> 01:03:52,003 - Oh, Geez. - Paul? 1136 01:03:52,092 --> 01:03:55,323 - Is he okay? - Oh! - Are you okay there, Paul? 1137 01:03:55,412 --> 01:03:58,927 - Is this a musical table? - ''Is this a musical table''? - Paul, can I get you something? 1138 01:03:59,012 --> 01:04:02,163 - I'm not feeling very well. - What, what do you mean? What is it? What, what is it? - Let me help you. What is it? 1139 01:04:02,252 --> 01:04:04,812 - What are you going through? - Do you want-- Do you want to lie down? - I don't know. 1140 01:04:04,892 --> 01:04:08,601 - Can, can I get you something, Paul? - How do you feel? - Vivid. 1141 01:04:08,692 --> 01:04:12,526 - Paul? Here. - What? - I'm seeing colours that I don't want to see. 1142 01:04:12,612 --> 01:04:15,570 -Did you hear that? He's seeing colours. -Just go with it. That's all right. He needs to lie down. 1143 01:04:15,652 --> 01:04:18,928 - Wait, let me move this. You're gonna have to help me. - Everything's moving. 1144 01:04:19,012 --> 01:04:22,607 - Paul, can you hear me? - Goddam it! Lonnie! 1145 01:04:22,692 --> 01:04:26,401 - Lonnie! - Don't fly off the handle. - Come in here. Come here. 1146 01:04:26,492 --> 01:04:28,881 - What did you do to Paul's quail? - Nothing. Why? 1147 01:04:28,972 --> 01:04:31,884 Come on. Don't give me that fake innocence. What did you do? 1148 01:04:31,972 --> 01:04:34,611 I dosed Mel's dish. I meant it for Mel, and then he ate it. 1149 01:04:34,692 --> 01:04:37,809 - Oh, my God. How much? - Two and a half tabs. 1150 01:04:37,892 --> 01:04:41,202 Two and a half tabs? Are you crazy? Are you nuts? 1151 01:04:41,292 --> 01:04:43,248 Doesn't your mother have enough to worry about tonight? 1152 01:04:43,332 --> 01:04:46,210 - I just don't understand this. - Why do you ha-- Now, why do you have to talk to me like that? 1153 01:04:46,292 --> 01:04:48,089 - Am I-- Am I talking to him in some special way? - It's really embarrassing to me... 1154 01:04:48,172 --> 01:04:50,083 and I really don't appreciate it in front of him. 1155 01:04:50,172 --> 01:04:52,527 - I mean, who is he? - What-- What's wrong with him? What-- - You got the whole science thing going... 1156 01:04:52,612 --> 01:04:55,763 and the next thing I, I know, you like him better than me because he's more like you than I am. 1157 01:04:55,852 --> 01:04:59,765 - We love you very much. Even if you were Jeffrey Dahmer, we would love you. - Yeah, sure! 1158 01:04:59,852 --> 01:05:02,161 - Oh, you know, Mom spare me the hyp-- - Wait, I'm not here to take your place. 1159 01:05:02,252 --> 01:05:04,368 - Please, Mel, please! - Where do you get this insecurity from? 1160 01:05:04,452 --> 01:05:06,488 - I don't understand it. This drives me nuts! - Uh, honey? 1161 01:05:06,572 --> 01:05:08,642 - Richard, you're criticizing. - All right, all right. 1162 01:05:08,732 --> 01:05:13,089 I want you to apologize to Mel and to Paul right now. C'mon. C'mon. 1163 01:05:13,172 --> 01:05:15,891 - I'm sorry. - You're sorry for what? - I'm sorry... 1164 01:05:15,972 --> 01:05:19,885 that I put windowpane in Mel's quail, and I'm sorry that you ate it. 1165 01:05:19,972 --> 01:05:22,691 All right. All right. Go sit down. I can't believe he-- 1166 01:05:22,772 --> 01:05:27,163 Let's not blow this out of proportion, everyone. Paul's gonna come down in about ten hours. 1167 01:05:27,252 --> 01:05:29,368 - Ten hours? - I-- It's-- I-- It's-- 1168 01:05:29,452 --> 01:05:33,240 I can't believe you-- you're actually keeping acid in the house after you went to prison for it. 1169 01:05:33,332 --> 01:05:36,165 - Wait till your son is 19. See if he does everything you want him to do. - Tina. 1170 01:05:36,252 --> 01:05:40,165 - This is classic! Yeah, just keep, uh-- keep blaming it all on me, all your crap. - Ah, just go with it. 1171 01:05:40,252 --> 01:05:44,450 You just simmer down, you. And you take a little responsibility for what you've done. 1172 01:05:44,532 --> 01:05:47,490 - Thank you, Mrs Cleaver. - Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me. - All there is. 1173 01:05:47,572 --> 01:05:51,087 - This is a non-smoking house. - You're gonna be all right. - Are you kidding? -Just go with it. 1174 01:05:51,172 --> 01:05:53,481 - We're gonna take quite a trip. - You know, it's been a long day... 1175 01:05:53,572 --> 01:05:55,563 and, uh, I'm really, really tired. 1176 01:05:55,652 --> 01:05:58,450 So, uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hit the hay. 1177 01:05:58,532 --> 01:06:00,682 Thank you very much for, um, dinner. It was wonderful. 1178 01:06:00,772 --> 01:06:03,161 - My love in Paris - Shh! 1179 01:06:03,252 --> 01:06:06,369 - Knows my secret -Just go with it.Just go with it. - He's gonna be fine. 1180 01:06:06,452 --> 01:06:09,171 - She's a great guide. - I'm, I'm sure you are an excellent guide. 1181 01:06:09,252 --> 01:06:13,768 And I would like to thank you again for this wonderful evening. It was really great. 1182 01:06:13,852 --> 01:06:16,491 - It was great seeing you. Yeah. - Yeah. Thanks. - I mean, I loved meeting you. 1183 01:06:16,572 --> 01:06:18,847 I loved meeting you too, and I'm just gonna hit the hay. 1184 01:06:18,932 --> 01:06:21,127 - Now, you're sure that you don't want dessert? - Really feel awful. - No. 1185 01:06:21,212 --> 01:06:24,010 - Um, I think I'm gonna lay off the food, yeah. - Close. 1186 01:06:24,092 --> 01:06:26,003 - If you get hungry later, it's in the fridge, okay? - Okay, good night. Nighty-night, you two. Uh, night. 1187 01:06:26,092 --> 01:06:29,084 - Will do. Yum! Good night. - Chocolate mousse. You're gonna love it. You're gonna-- Yeah. 1188 01:06:29,172 --> 01:06:31,481 - Very nice to meet you. It was really great. - See ya, Tina. - Tina! Good night, Tina. 1189 01:06:31,572 --> 01:06:34,962 - Go with it, Paul. - I guess it's just one of those ex-felon... 1190 01:06:35,052 --> 01:06:37,088 pro-acid kind of non-smoking homes. 1191 01:06:37,172 --> 01:06:40,403 It's a weird, weird home. And where's Nancy? Where is she? 1192 01:06:40,492 --> 01:06:44,485 - She's somewhere in one of these rooms with Tony. They're in there-- - You know what, Mel? 1193 01:06:44,572 --> 01:06:47,484 You need to settle down. This is overwhelming. This is hitting you all at once. 1194 01:06:47,572 --> 01:06:50,370 You know what, sweetheart? Just-- Just come in here for a second. 1195 01:06:50,452 --> 01:06:53,012 We'll just sit down, cool off a bit. 1196 01:06:53,092 --> 01:06:55,083 Boy! 1197 01:06:55,172 --> 01:06:57,732 Oh, boy. 1198 01:06:57,812 --> 01:07:01,327 Well, you know, what did I expect, right? 1199 01:07:05,852 --> 01:07:08,207 I'm sorry this is all hitting you at the same time... 1200 01:07:08,292 --> 01:07:12,808 but after it passes and things settle down, you can think about starting over. 1201 01:07:16,292 --> 01:07:19,329 - Why can't you just use soap? - You know, soap dries your skin out. 1202 01:07:19,412 --> 01:07:24,202 Not that I'm one of those women who obsesses about old-looking skin after pregnancy. 1203 01:07:24,292 --> 01:07:27,170 - I just happen to be obsessing about it right now. - Well-- 1204 01:07:27,252 --> 01:07:30,642 - Wait, wait, wait. - You know, you're absolutely right. We don't need to rush into this. 1205 01:07:30,732 --> 01:07:33,007 - I haven't even finalized my divorce yet. - No, I could've kissed you just now... 1206 01:07:33,092 --> 01:07:36,801 and felt okay about it, but I didn't, and I felt really wrong. 1207 01:07:38,292 --> 01:07:40,886 Don't take this personally, but with all your nervous energy... 1208 01:07:40,972 --> 01:07:43,930 you kinda remind me of my mother. Ow! 1209 01:07:44,012 --> 01:07:47,004 - Do you mind if I look at your armpit? - My armpit? 1210 01:07:47,092 --> 01:07:50,209 Yeah, it's my favourite part of a woman's body. I mean, it-- May I? 1211 01:07:50,292 --> 01:07:52,601 - What's attractive about an armpit? - Are you kidding? Lots of things. 1212 01:07:52,692 --> 01:07:56,446 Look at this, the definition. Look at the contours here. 1213 01:07:56,532 --> 01:07:59,842 The depth of the pocket. Feel that? So nice. 1214 01:07:59,932 --> 01:08:02,605 - Of course I feel rejected. - I'm sorry. 1215 01:08:02,692 --> 01:08:05,889 But I shouldn't. You're not an appropriate partner for me. 1216 01:08:05,972 --> 01:08:09,328 Your life's a mess, and you don't make enough money anyway. 1217 01:08:09,412 --> 01:08:11,721 That's a really nasty thing to say. 1218 01:08:11,812 --> 01:08:14,326 You just told me I reminded you of your mother. 1219 01:08:14,412 --> 01:08:17,449 Well, she's-- I mean, she's a good person. She's got a lot of great qualities. 1220 01:08:17,532 --> 01:08:19,568 Uh, uh-- 1221 01:08:22,252 --> 01:08:26,723 I don't want to wreck your marriage. I know how painful that that can be. 1222 01:08:26,812 --> 01:08:30,009 My marriage is obviously vulnerable at this point. 1223 01:08:30,092 --> 01:08:32,401 Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married... 1224 01:08:32,492 --> 01:08:35,006 wouldn't mean anything, would it? 1225 01:08:38,732 --> 01:08:40,723 - Paul. - Tony. I need to see Tony. - No, I want you to-- 1226 01:08:40,812 --> 01:08:43,326 - I want you to tell me if you have a favourite animal. - Oh, that's so stupid. 1227 01:08:43,412 --> 01:08:46,529 Listen to what Mary says. She's a great guide, okay? Just listen to her. 1228 01:08:46,612 --> 01:08:48,409 - Okay. - What's your-- - A dog. 1229 01:08:48,492 --> 01:08:51,529 - A dog. Uh, what is your favourite dog? - A coll-- St Bernard. St Bernard. 1230 01:08:51,612 --> 01:08:55,605 St Bernard. Good. I want you to picture a big, furry St Bernard curled up by the fireplace. 1231 01:08:55,692 --> 01:08:58,411 - Can I change my mind? Yeah. - No, no, we're-- we're gonna stick with the St Bernard. 1232 01:08:58,492 --> 01:09:00,801 - I want to do a Springer Spaniel. - No, it doesn't have to be the perfect dog. 1233 01:09:00,892 --> 01:09:03,725 - Uh, Dalmatian. Dal-- - No, no, no. D-- 1234 01:09:03,812 --> 01:09:07,930 - Okay, Dalmatian. Now, this dog represents security-- - Schnauzer. 1235 01:09:08,012 --> 01:09:10,207 - What? - Schnauzer. - Shut the fuck up! 1236 01:09:10,292 --> 01:09:13,489 - I am trying to help you. Do you understand me? - Hey, come on, sweetheart. 1237 01:09:13,572 --> 01:09:17,451 - You're so good.Just relax, okay? Just take it easy now. Take it easy. - Okay. Okay, okay. Paul! Paul! 1238 01:09:17,532 --> 01:09:20,968 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1239 01:09:21,052 --> 01:09:23,441 Can we stop all this craziness, huh? 1240 01:09:23,532 --> 01:09:26,968 - Yes! I wasn't even enjoying that. - It seems like you were enjoying it. 1241 01:09:27,052 --> 01:09:30,761 - The attention, maybe, but-- - Okay. All right. Time for you to go, okay? 1242 01:09:30,852 --> 01:09:33,286 You haven't been treating her very well. Do you know that? 1243 01:09:33,372 --> 01:09:36,205 Oh, uh-- You know what? You know what, buddy? You know, you got a lot of nerve. 1244 01:09:36,292 --> 01:09:38,601 You come in here, you lick my wife's armpit. 1245 01:09:38,692 --> 01:09:41,684 You know, you-- I, uh, uh, uh-- I'm gonna have that image in my head... 1246 01:09:41,772 --> 01:09:46,004 - for the rest of my life of your tongue in there. I-- It's, it's, it's-- - You deserve it. 1247 01:09:46,092 --> 01:09:48,003 - This is felonious, and I want to make an arrest. - Warm him up. 1248 01:09:48,092 --> 01:09:50,686 - Shh! - What? What he say? - He's tripping his brains out. 1249 01:09:50,772 --> 01:09:53,764 - He doesn't know who he is. - Did he say-- he say-- He said arrest. What do you mean he-- We don't know who he is. 1250 01:09:53,852 --> 01:09:57,765 - He's Mel's friend Paul. - I know exactly who I am. I'm Paul Harmon. 1251 01:09:57,852 --> 01:10:00,764 - Good. - Bureau of Tobacco, Tobacco, and Tobacco. 1252 01:10:00,852 --> 01:10:03,491 - Good. What is this, Paul? - It is a badge. 1253 01:10:03,572 --> 01:10:05,642 - What kind of badge? - I'm a Special Agent man. 1254 01:10:05,732 --> 01:10:10,328 Twenty years in the service. Graduated fourth in my class. 1255 01:10:10,412 --> 01:10:13,085 - Is this a-- Is this a joke? - I don't joke about those things. - Goddam it. 1256 01:10:13,172 --> 01:10:16,403 - I knew it was weird. I knew it. When they called up out of the blue like that, I knew. - He's-- 1257 01:10:16,492 --> 01:10:20,121 - No, you had to see your son. - He's kidding. He's making a joke. He's just-- Oh. 1258 01:10:20,212 --> 01:10:22,965 - You're not kidding. Shit. - I am not kidding. Everything is under control. - Okay. All right. 1259 01:10:23,052 --> 01:10:26,886 All right. I want you to both move over against that wall. This is an arrest. 1260 01:10:26,972 --> 01:10:29,361 You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney. 1261 01:10:29,452 --> 01:10:31,886 If you cannot afford an attorney, we will provide an attorney for you... 1262 01:10:31,972 --> 01:10:34,884 because we provide things for you people all the-- 1263 01:10:34,972 --> 01:10:37,281 Oh! That really hurt. 1264 01:10:39,332 --> 01:10:42,404 I can't follow your fickle little moods all over the place. 1265 01:10:42,492 --> 01:10:44,528 - That has got to change. - Okay, I will. I promise. 1266 01:10:44,612 --> 01:10:46,807 If you just give me a chance, let me show you I can be less selfish. 1267 01:10:46,892 --> 01:10:49,565 I-- I-I will show you. You will get concrete results. 1268 01:10:49,652 --> 01:10:52,769 You have got to earn that back with some consistent behaviour, pal. 1269 01:10:52,852 --> 01:10:55,969 Look, I'm sorry I acted this way. I'm sorry I've treated you this way. 1270 01:10:56,052 --> 01:10:58,520 I-- I've got to be out of my mind to risk losing you. 1271 01:10:58,612 --> 01:11:00,807 - You don't hit another human being! - Will you be quiet! - My-- Goddam it! 1272 01:11:00,892 --> 01:11:03,725 Just shut the hell up! Just be quiet. 1273 01:11:03,812 --> 01:11:07,009 All right, nobody heard us upstairs. We're all right. 1274 01:11:07,092 --> 01:11:09,208 - We have to get him to a doctor. - Oh, no. There's no doctor. Forget the doctor. 1275 01:11:09,292 --> 01:11:12,090 - What, no doctor? He's hurt. Paul. - I've gotta think of what we're gonna do.Just give me a minute. 1276 01:11:12,172 --> 01:11:14,527 - Paul, wake up. Wake up, Paul. - I'm not-- I'm not goin' back to jail. I'm not going back to jail. 1277 01:11:14,612 --> 01:11:17,251 - Paul, wake up. - You know where I'm goin'? I'm goin' to Mexico. We're all goin' to Mexico. 1278 01:11:17,332 --> 01:11:19,926 - And we're taking him as a hostage. - A hostage? 1279 01:11:20,012 --> 01:11:23,049 - Cool! - What are you talking about? - I'm not going to jail again. 1280 01:11:23,132 --> 01:11:25,327 - You understand me? I'm not going to jail! - Oh, my God. 1281 01:11:25,412 --> 01:11:28,051 This has to be a mistake. Mel wouldn't do this to us. 1282 01:11:28,132 --> 01:11:31,442 - How do you know it's Mel? How do you know who Mel is? Mel is probably in on this. Mel-- - He's a-- He's a pig! 1283 01:11:31,532 --> 01:11:34,569 How do you know it's our son? It's not our son. It's some fucking Federal Agent! 1284 01:11:34,652 --> 01:11:36,643 - Goddam it. - I know it's our son. I can tell. 1285 01:11:36,732 --> 01:11:39,804 - Uh, w-- - You think a mother doesn't know these things? -Just shut up for a minute and listen. 1286 01:11:39,892 --> 01:11:42,452 We're gonna take him in the car, then we go down to San Miguel to Stuart's place. 1287 01:11:42,532 --> 01:11:44,921 - We can be there by morning. Grab his foot. This guy is-- - Paul, wake-- No! 1288 01:11:45,012 --> 01:11:48,721 No. I am not walking away from a home that took us 20 years to put together. 1289 01:11:48,812 --> 01:11:51,770 - This guy is-- - No! - The wheel barrow. - This is insane. 1290 01:11:51,852 --> 01:11:55,765 We can't take him hostage. This is a much bigger crime. 1291 01:11:55,852 --> 01:11:58,446 - Well, what'll we do? What'll-- What'll we do with him? - Dump-- Dump him in the brush. 1292 01:11:58,532 --> 01:12:00,921 - Brush! Good, good. - Leave him and get outta here. 1293 01:12:01,012 --> 01:12:04,482 - Lonnie. - Yeah. - Go clean out the lab. - Right. 1294 01:12:04,572 --> 01:12:07,211 Don't break anything! 1295 01:12:27,532 --> 01:12:29,568 No, no, no. Wai-- Wait a minute. 1296 01:12:29,652 --> 01:12:32,644 Shit! This truck is not going to make it to Mexico. 1297 01:12:32,732 --> 01:12:35,485 - So what are we-- - Oh, shit! 1298 01:12:40,292 --> 01:12:42,408 Put it in here. 1299 01:13:01,972 --> 01:13:04,770 My sciatica is killing me. 1300 01:13:04,852 --> 01:13:06,763 Would've been here an hour ago if you'd listened to me. 1301 01:13:06,852 --> 01:13:09,889 It took two hours to find that there's no place to get a good sandwich around here. 1302 01:13:09,972 --> 01:13:13,009 You can't keep making U-turns in the middle of a highway, Eddie... 1303 01:13:13,092 --> 01:13:15,890 - even if you see what looks like a sandwich shop. - Let's get this over with. 1304 01:13:15,972 --> 01:13:19,362 Eddie-- Eddie, wait. Don't. 1305 01:13:19,452 --> 01:13:22,091 What's the matter? Come on! 1306 01:13:22,172 --> 01:13:26,370 - I can't go in there. - Why not? 1307 01:13:26,452 --> 01:13:28,966 - Look at this house. - What's the matter with it? 1308 01:13:29,052 --> 01:13:32,931 Well, it's so all-American. It's-- 1309 01:13:33,012 --> 01:13:35,810 - What are you talking about? - Well, they're probably... 1310 01:13:35,892 --> 01:13:38,406 quiet, reasonable, sensible people... 1311 01:13:38,492 --> 01:13:40,960 and Mel loves them, and, you know, we're neur-- 1312 01:13:41,052 --> 01:13:43,964 - And he-- We're a source of embarrassment to him. - But he's in trouble... 1313 01:13:44,052 --> 01:13:46,885 and that's why we came! 1314 01:13:46,972 --> 01:13:51,045 - It's possible I overreacted. - Now you think you overreacted? 1315 01:13:51,132 --> 01:13:52,884 - Yeah. We-- - We just got off an aeroplane. 1316 01:13:52,972 --> 01:13:54,690 - We drove five and a half hours in the desert... - Listen, Eddie... 1317 01:13:54,772 --> 01:13:57,570 - and you're telling me that you overreacted? - I am not going in there to be rejected in front of his new parents! 1318 01:13:57,652 --> 01:14:00,086 - Yes, you are! Come on. Pearl. - No, I'm not. Let go of me. 1319 01:14:00,172 --> 01:14:01,605 - Come on, Pearl. - You're hurting my arm. 1320 01:14:01,692 --> 01:14:03,603 - You feel that? - Get in the car before they hear us. 1321 01:14:03,692 --> 01:14:06,570 - I thought we were gonna eat here. I'm starving. - We'll go back to the taco place. 1322 01:14:06,652 --> 01:14:10,088 - Tacos have cheese in them. - Not all tacos have cheese in them, Eddie. 1323 01:14:10,172 --> 01:14:12,606 - Wait, is this our car? - Of course it's our car. 1324 01:14:12,692 --> 01:14:17,925 - Do you remember this truck? - What, do you have early Alzheimer's? It's a white rental car-- 1325 01:14:32,612 --> 01:14:34,807 - Where's the car? - It's over here. What's the matter with you? 1326 01:14:34,892 --> 01:14:36,962 - Why did you move it? - I thought you moved it. 1327 01:14:37,052 --> 01:14:40,089 - Why would I move it? - I don't know, Dad. - What are we taking that car for? 1328 01:14:40,172 --> 01:14:42,083 - I wanna take the blue truck. - No, no, we can't take the truck. 1329 01:14:42,172 --> 01:14:45,448 - The truck can't make an 800-mile trip. - Oh, no. My blue truck. I want my blue truck. 1330 01:14:45,532 --> 01:14:48,285 - Mom, come o-- come on! - But my water broke in this truck. 1331 01:14:48,372 --> 01:14:51,967 Get in the car. I love you. Get in the car. 1332 01:14:52,052 --> 01:14:56,125 Are you sure all your doubting is over? 1333 01:14:56,212 --> 01:14:59,807 I'm sorry I took you for granted. I'm sorry I hurt you. 1334 01:15:03,412 --> 01:15:05,403 I want to go home tomorrow. 1335 01:15:05,492 --> 01:15:09,485 So do I. I want to get out of here. 1336 01:15:29,292 --> 01:15:32,125 - Slow down. There's the taco place. - Why didn't you tell me you saw it? 1337 01:15:32,212 --> 01:15:34,567 I did tell you. You were driving too fast. 1338 01:15:34,652 --> 01:15:37,212 You can't make U-turns like this, Eddie. 1339 01:15:37,292 --> 01:15:40,250 - Relax. We're in the middle of nowhere. - The, the sign! 1340 01:15:40,332 --> 01:15:43,768 The sign, the sign! The-- Aah! The car! 1341 01:15:45,292 --> 01:15:47,362 Goddam tourists! Shit! 1342 01:15:47,452 --> 01:15:50,808 - What did I just tell you about the U-turns? - He was in my blind spot. 1343 01:15:50,892 --> 01:15:54,521 You could fit the state of Wisconsin in your blind spot. 1344 01:15:54,612 --> 01:15:57,604 -It's their fault. They're in the wrong. -Doesn't matter. I don't want some sheriff to come by here. 1345 01:15:57,692 --> 01:16:00,525 - Wh-Where's the-- Where's the acid? - It's in the trunk, Dad. Yeah. - It's in the trunk? 1346 01:16:00,612 --> 01:16:04,685 Look. Look, if things get tight, I want you to do that spastic colon thing you do. 1347 01:16:04,772 --> 01:16:06,967 -No, no, I'm not gonna do spastic colon. -Okay, now, do-- something. 1348 01:16:07,052 --> 01:16:11,489 That thing you did when the cops stopped us in Albuquerque, you know? That, that, what, that ulcer thing. 1349 01:16:11,572 --> 01:16:15,611 - Um-- Uh, okay, I-- I'll do reflux. - All right. That's good. Okay. 1350 01:16:21,052 --> 01:16:23,930 - I am so sorry! - Are you all right? - Yeah, we're fine. 1351 01:16:24,012 --> 01:16:25,968 You can't just make a blind U-turn like that. 1352 01:16:26,052 --> 01:16:28,691 I've got a sizable blind spot, is my problem. 1353 01:16:28,772 --> 01:16:31,605 - Well, I don't see much damage here. - No, it looks mostly cosmetic. 1354 01:16:31,692 --> 01:16:34,081 - Yeah. It's nothing. Why don't we just forget about it, all right? - No, no. 1355 01:16:34,172 --> 01:16:37,323 Well, I don't know. We shouldn't leave the scene of an accident. I'll call the police from the taco place. 1356 01:16:37,412 --> 01:16:39,368 Well, you can call the police if you want to, but, I mean... 1357 01:16:39,452 --> 01:16:41,761 I-I'll tell you right now, this, this is your fault here. 1358 01:16:41,852 --> 01:16:45,891 I mean, if we make a report, y-your insurance rates are gonna go sky-high. 1359 01:16:45,972 --> 01:16:49,487 - I mean, it's up to you, but, I mean, I don't, I don't see the point of it. - Uh, Pearl, he's making sense. 1360 01:16:49,572 --> 01:16:53,406 No! I have never broken the law. I am not going to be irresponsible now. 1361 01:16:53,492 --> 01:16:56,802 - Yeah, there's nothing irresponsible about this. - No, absolutely. We're all fine. 1362 01:16:56,892 --> 01:16:59,008 There's-- You can see that we're perfectly okay. 1363 01:16:59,092 --> 01:17:02,368 I, uh, I, I just have this preexisting medical condition. 1364 01:17:02,452 --> 01:17:05,728 My ileocecal valve is, uh-- doesn't work as it should. 1365 01:17:05,812 --> 01:17:08,280 And it allows c-corrosive juices-- 1366 01:17:08,372 --> 01:17:11,205 They seem to rise up into my oesophagus, and I-- 1367 01:17:11,292 --> 01:17:14,602 I, I, I need to get home so that I can lie down and-- 1368 01:17:14,692 --> 01:17:18,810 - We, we really have to go. - With my head elevated. 1369 01:17:18,892 --> 01:17:21,929 - Ileocecal valve? - It's chronic. - Nice meeting you. 1370 01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:24,924 Why did you let them get away? 1371 01:17:25,012 --> 01:17:27,606 We're better off. Who knows what our liability is? 1372 01:17:27,692 --> 01:17:32,447 Y-Yes! What, what exactly is our deductible damage waiver? 1373 01:17:32,532 --> 01:17:35,000 Here-- Oh, my God! 1374 01:17:35,092 --> 01:17:38,482 - The car-- it's registered to Mel! - What? 1375 01:17:38,572 --> 01:17:42,611 Look at the-- Check and see if our luggage is in the trunk. 1376 01:17:49,092 --> 01:17:51,128 Huh? 1377 01:17:52,972 --> 01:17:55,281 What the hell is this? 1378 01:18:03,652 --> 01:18:07,725 Sometimes the light's all shining on me 1379 01:18:09,972 --> 01:18:14,090 Other times, I can barely see 1380 01:18:14,172 --> 01:18:16,527 - So then what happened? - I don't know-- I don't know where anybody is. 1381 01:18:16,612 --> 01:18:18,807 - I mean, I assume-- I mean, look at this place. It's a wreck. - Well, I see the place. 1382 01:18:18,892 --> 01:18:21,087 - I-I guess they probably-- Well, then-- - And I'm looking for him, and I can't find him. 1383 01:18:21,172 --> 01:18:25,404 - So where-- - They probably took him to the hospital, Tony. I mean, he, he was-- 1384 01:18:25,492 --> 01:18:29,041 They didn't take him to the hospital. Look. Paul! 1385 01:18:29,132 --> 01:18:31,487 Oh, my God! 1386 01:18:33,292 --> 01:18:36,807 - Truckin', I'm a-going home - You can't catch the wind! 1387 01:18:36,892 --> 01:18:39,326 Whoa, whoa, baby back where I belong 1388 01:18:39,412 --> 01:18:41,721 -Jerry? W-- - Mm-hmm. 1389 01:18:41,812 --> 01:18:43,723 -Jerry Garcia Jerry? - Yeah! 1390 01:18:43,812 --> 01:18:46,690 I mean, it's in the family. It's got a whole history to it. 1391 01:18:46,772 --> 01:18:49,161 You don't even like the Grateful Dead. 1392 01:18:49,252 --> 01:18:52,449 I never said I don't like them. I just haven't ever listened to that much of their music. 1393 01:18:52,532 --> 01:18:54,488 Unless you still like Ethan. 1394 01:18:54,572 --> 01:18:58,451 This is obviously much more important to you than it is to me. 1395 01:18:58,532 --> 01:19:01,604 Okay? So you pick the name. But I'll just say one thing. 1396 01:19:01,692 --> 01:19:03,967 - What? - I think Jerry is very pedestrian. 1397 01:19:04,052 --> 01:19:06,361 How 'bout Garcia? 1398 01:19:06,452 --> 01:19:09,046 - Garcia? - Garcia Coplin. 1399 01:19:09,132 --> 01:19:12,363 Garcia! Garcia Coplin. 1400 01:19:12,452 --> 01:19:14,682 - Look. Look, he likes it. - I like it too. 1401 01:19:14,772 --> 01:19:17,366 - Garcia Coplin. - Yeah. 1402 01:19:17,452 --> 01:19:19,568 - Garcia. - Yeah. 1403 01:19:21,852 --> 01:19:24,650 - You think I should get that? - Sure. 1404 01:19:27,252 --> 01:19:29,641 Hello? Shit-- Shitkings-- 1405 01:19:29,732 --> 01:19:32,565 - Schlichting. - Schlichtings' residence. 1406 01:19:32,812 --> 01:19:35,406 - What kind of trouble are you in? - Us? We're not in trouble. You're the ones who're in jail. 1407 01:19:35,492 --> 01:19:38,211 There were drugs in the trunk of your car. Why are there drugs in the trunk of your car? 1408 01:19:38,292 --> 01:19:40,681 - How did you get our car? - We tracked you to the ''Shitkings''... 1409 01:19:40,772 --> 01:19:42,967 -Will you-- Will you hurry. -because we thought you were in trouble. 1410 01:19:43,052 --> 01:19:45,520 - Well, why did you think we were in trouble? - Because of the phone call. 1411 01:19:45,612 --> 01:19:50,322 - The truck and the baby. - Oh, no-- No, Ma, I was talking to that evil little dwarf woman at the B-and-B. 1412 01:19:50,412 --> 01:19:53,370 - We wer-- We weren't in trouble. - Oh. - Your mother as usual has overreacted. 1413 01:19:53,452 --> 01:19:56,046 - I did not overreact, Eddie! If I overreacted... - Well, you said in front of-- 1414 01:19:56,132 --> 01:19:59,329 why am I wearing handcuffs in the middle of a jail? 1415 01:19:59,412 --> 01:20:03,007 Th-There's obviously been some mishap, sir. These people are not drug runners. 1416 01:20:03,092 --> 01:20:06,004 I mean, look at them. They're, they're from New York. They're, they're my parents. 1417 01:20:06,092 --> 01:20:08,208 You hear that, Eddie? He called us his parents. 1418 01:20:08,292 --> 01:20:10,806 Of course you're my parents. Mom-- 1419 01:20:10,892 --> 01:20:13,281 Oh, Mel. 1420 01:20:13,372 --> 01:20:15,806 - Ow, Ma, your chain's pulling on my hair. - Wait a minute. Wait. 1421 01:20:15,892 --> 01:20:18,122 Sorry, darling. 1422 01:20:18,212 --> 01:20:21,124 Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms. 1423 01:20:21,212 --> 01:20:24,522 And get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. 1424 01:20:24,612 --> 01:20:27,843 This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the ''Shlytings.'' 1425 01:20:27,932 --> 01:20:30,446 - ''Schlitinooks.'' - ''Shitkings.'' - No, Schlichtings. 1426 01:20:30,532 --> 01:20:33,330 Well, anyway, it's clear that we have the wrong people here. 1427 01:20:33,412 --> 01:20:37,200 - They found-- - That's what I've been trying to tell this guy for the last half hour. - Thank God for this Federal agent. 1428 01:20:37,292 --> 01:20:41,046 And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants? 1429 01:20:41,132 --> 01:20:43,771 - I had an experience, that's why. - What do you mean? 1430 01:20:43,852 --> 01:20:49,006 I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me. 1431 01:20:49,092 --> 01:20:52,562 I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I got some jewellery somewhere, if you please. 1432 01:20:52,652 --> 01:20:55,325 - A diamond and some turquoise. - Yes, ma'am. Sure, just let me get those cuffs for you. 1433 01:20:55,572 --> 01:20:59,565 I don't know. We may be able to work out a private adoption through some people I know in Colorado. 1434 01:20:59,652 --> 01:21:02,883 - How long will that take? - Usually six to-- months to a year. I don't know. 1435 01:21:02,972 --> 01:21:05,930 But if you're willing to wait, you know, I may be able to find a couple of lesbians... 1436 01:21:06,012 --> 01:21:08,207 - who would be willing to conceive... - That's good. Lesbians are good. 1437 01:21:08,292 --> 01:21:11,443 - and then you could share the baby with them. - No way. I'm not gonna do that. - No? Why? 1438 01:21:11,532 --> 01:21:15,445 - I think these two are homosexuals. - They want to adopt a kid. That's so sick. 1439 01:21:15,532 --> 01:21:19,047 Can you imagine the neurosis that child would be exposed to? 1440 01:21:19,132 --> 01:21:21,202 - Okay. Okay, here we go. - Okay. 1441 01:21:21,292 --> 01:21:23,601 - Everyone, pull together. Paul, smile. - Are we ready? Okay. 1442 01:21:23,692 --> 01:21:26,001 One, two! 1443 01:21:51,492 --> 01:21:55,326 - Yo, ye pharaohs, let us walk - Are you okay? 1444 01:21:55,412 --> 01:21:58,324 Through this barren desert in search of truth 1445 01:21:58,412 --> 01:22:02,485 And some pointy boots and maybe a few snack crackers 1446 01:22:05,412 --> 01:22:08,961 Baby, you make me wanna walk 1447 01:22:09,052 --> 01:22:11,168 - All right. All right. - Like a camel 1448 01:22:11,252 --> 01:22:14,164 - Why do we have to baby-sit tonight? - Oh, sweetie. 1449 01:22:14,252 --> 01:22:17,961 - Come on, come on. Ahh, yes. - All right. Shh. 1450 01:22:18,052 --> 01:22:20,282 Okay. Here. That's-- Oh, I know-- 1451 01:22:20,372 --> 01:22:23,330 - Because the kids need some time alone. - The kids need time alone? 1452 01:22:23,412 --> 01:22:27,849 Yes! God, Eddie, where's your sense of romance? 1453 01:22:33,132 --> 01:22:34,929 Who's in charge here 1454 01:22:35,012 --> 01:22:37,651 - Where's my captain's wafers - I can't, I can't. It's making me too nervous. 1455 01:22:37,732 --> 01:22:41,407 - Oh, it made you nervous when he was in the other room. Come on. - Okay. 1456 01:22:41,492 --> 01:22:43,881 - Maybe next-- - Will you relax, please? 1457 01:22:43,972 --> 01:22:45,928 - Is that my beeper? - No, that's not your beeper. 1458 01:22:46,012 --> 01:22:48,765 - Let's get this beeper and this gun out of here. - No, my gun-- 1459 01:22:48,852 --> 01:22:51,446 Wanna walk 1460 01:22:51,532 --> 01:22:53,682 Like a camel 1461 01:22:55,772 --> 01:22:58,605 It's a blind date. I don't know. Some benefit or something. 1462 01:22:58,692 --> 01:23:01,570 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 1463 01:23:01,652 --> 01:23:04,212 No, I am not smoking, Mother. Look, I gotta go. 1464 01:23:04,292 --> 01:23:08,331 He's here. Yeah, he knows. Mm-hmm. 1465 01:23:08,412 --> 01:23:11,882 Yeah, I know. I'll call you tomorrow. Uh-- Uh-huh. 1466 01:23:11,972 --> 01:23:15,169 Pain in my ass. I'm coming! 1467 01:23:15,252 --> 01:23:19,131 Say, you don't think there's, uh any way I can get that quarter 1468 01:23:19,212 --> 01:23:22,887 From underneath of your pointy boot, do you All I want-- 1469 01:23:22,972 --> 01:23:26,169 - Shalom, shalom. - Shalom, shalom. 1470 01:23:26,252 --> 01:23:28,766 Shalom. Deeper. 1471 01:23:28,852 --> 01:23:32,288 You guys, this place sucks. Everybody speaks Spanish. 1472 01:23:32,372 --> 01:23:34,886 - Did you ever hear of knocking? - What are you looking for? 1473 01:23:34,972 --> 01:23:37,088 - I'm looking for some weed. - No, you find your own weed. 1474 01:23:37,172 --> 01:23:39,811 - Get out of that drawer. - You guys, I'm totally bored here. 1475 01:23:39,892 --> 01:23:43,726 Honey-- Honey, it takes time to make new friends. Be patient. 1476 01:23:45,692 --> 01:23:48,331 Say, you don't think there's, uh, any way 1477 01:23:48,412 --> 01:23:53,122 I could get that quarter from underneath of your pointy boot, do you 1478 01:23:53,212 --> 01:23:56,488 All I want is just one more oatmeal pie 1479 01:23:59,452 --> 01:24:03,127 Little Debbie, Little Debbie I'm a-comin'on home, baby 1480 01:24:03,212 --> 01:24:06,443 'Cause you make me wanna walk 1481 01:24:06,532 --> 01:24:08,443 Like a camel 1482 01:24:30,132 --> 01:24:34,489 I sing a song 'bout clouds and rainbows 1483 01:24:34,572 --> 01:24:38,884 I hum a tune that sings like a dove 1484 01:24:38,972 --> 01:24:43,568 Found some words 'bout anything 1485 01:24:43,652 --> 01:24:47,770 Anything but love 1486 01:24:47,852 --> 01:24:52,084 I paint a picture of my prison 1487 01:24:52,172 --> 01:24:56,882 With blue and grey from the sky above 1488 01:24:56,972 --> 01:25:01,284 Framed and signed with the title 1489 01:25:01,372 --> 01:25:04,444 Anything but love 1490 01:25:05,652 --> 01:25:09,930 He had to go But I won't miss him 1491 01:25:10,012 --> 01:25:14,403 I've got better things to do 1492 01:25:14,492 --> 01:25:18,804 Like writing stories and painting pictures 1493 01:25:18,892 --> 01:25:21,929 Of anything but love 1494 01:25:23,532 --> 01:25:26,410 Anything but love 1495 01:25:28,012 --> 01:25:31,448 Anything but love 1496 01:25:42,972 --> 01:25:47,602 It's a terrible predicament 1497 01:25:47,692 --> 01:25:50,923 That we're in again 1498 01:25:52,772 --> 01:25:57,402 Goin'down faster and faster 1499 01:25:57,492 --> 01:25:59,403 Feel like we're fallin' 1500 01:25:59,492 --> 01:26:01,801 With the ceiling plaster 1501 01:26:06,212 --> 01:26:09,170 Flirting with disaster 1502 01:26:13,012 --> 01:26:15,480 It's a revoltin'development 1503 01:26:15,572 --> 01:26:20,009 -Amen -Amen 1504 01:26:20,092 --> 01:26:23,129 Say it again 1505 01:26:23,212 --> 01:26:27,922 This old world is tryin'to trash us 1506 01:26:28,012 --> 01:26:33,006 Love is here if it don't gas us 1507 01:26:36,292 --> 01:26:39,409 We're flirting with disaster 1508 01:26:43,092 --> 01:26:45,083 Caught in a whirlpool 1509 01:26:45,172 --> 01:26:47,732 My thinkin's too heady 1510 01:26:47,812 --> 01:26:50,087 Life is going by 1511 01:26:50,172 --> 01:26:53,130 And I'm not ready 1512 01:26:53,212 --> 01:26:57,922 Tryin'to find out who I am 1513 01:26:58,012 --> 01:27:00,606 Roarin'like a lion 1514 01:27:00,692 --> 01:27:04,128 Gentle as a lamb 1515 01:27:04,212 --> 01:27:08,728 - I'm gettin'a bad reputation - You bet 1516 01:27:08,812 --> 01:27:11,724 For not knowing my mind 1517 01:27:13,772 --> 01:27:15,888 That's what I heard 1518 01:27:15,972 --> 01:27:18,725 From the schoolmaster 1519 01:27:18,812 --> 01:27:22,600 Rabbi, I ain't a bastard 1520 01:27:27,692 --> 01:27:30,604 Flirting with disaster 1521 01:27:34,132 --> 01:27:37,920 It's a terrible predicament 1522 01:27:38,012 --> 01:27:42,324 Oh, that we're in again 1523 01:27:44,252 --> 01:27:48,484 Goin'down faster and faster 1524 01:27:48,572 --> 01:27:52,121 I feel like I'm fallin' 1525 01:27:52,212 --> 01:27:54,601 With the ceiling plaster 1526 01:27:58,212 --> 01:28:00,726 Flirting with disaster 1527 01:28:03,772 --> 01:28:06,491 It's a revoltin'development 1528 01:28:06,572 --> 01:28:09,609 -Amen -Amen 1529 01:28:09,692 --> 01:28:11,762 Amen 1530 01:28:11,852 --> 01:28:14,685 Say it again 1531 01:28:14,772 --> 01:28:18,481 This old world's tryin'to trash us 1532 01:28:18,572 --> 01:28:21,803 Our love is here, babe 1533 01:28:21,892 --> 01:28:24,406 If it don't gas us 1534 01:28:24,492 --> 01:28:28,280 Oh, yeah, we're 1535 01:28:28,372 --> 01:28:32,604 Flirting with disaster, baby 1536 01:28:34,052 --> 01:28:37,965 Oh, we're flirting with disaster 1537 01:28:43,972 --> 01:28:47,885 Flirting with disaster 1538 01:28:52,892 --> 01:28:57,010 Amen

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