1 00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:29,635 - Come here. - What? 2 00:01:47,327 --> 00:01:50,637 - Good morning, Mrs Staples. - Good morning, madam. 3 00:02:01,127 --> 00:02:03,118 Late! Late! 4 00:02:56,727 --> 00:02:59,639 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 5 00:03:03,847 --> 00:03:05,166 Fuck! 6 00:03:15,607 --> 00:03:19,725 - Fuck! Right, we take yours. - It only goes 40 miles an hour. 7 00:03:29,727 --> 00:03:31,797 What turn-off? 8 00:03:32,807 --> 00:03:35,924 - Better not be the B359. - It's the B359. 9 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,998 Fuck it! 10 00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,400 Fuck! 11 00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:49,396 Fuck. 12 00:04:00,887 --> 00:04:03,196 Fuck. 13 00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:13,036 Fuck. 14 00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,480 Fuckity fuck! 15 00:04:19,407 --> 00:04:21,398 Bugger. 16 00:04:30,447 --> 00:04:32,438 Hello, Charles. 17 00:04:47,447 --> 00:04:49,563 There's a greatness to your lateness. 18 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:52,320 It's not achieved without real suffering. 19 00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:55,719 I am so sorry. 20 00:04:55,807 --> 00:04:59,482 I'll be killing myself after the service, if that's any consolation. 21 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:03,719 - Doesn't matter. Tom was standing by. - Thanks, Tom. You're a saint. 22 00:05:03,807 --> 00:05:05,798 Disastrous haircut. 23 00:05:09,927 --> 00:05:12,566 - You haven't forgotten the rings? - No. 24 00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:33,441 Hate people being late. Hate it. 25 00:05:43,687 --> 00:05:45,678 Here we go. 26 00:06:06,687 --> 00:06:09,042 Oh, isn't she lovely! 27 00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:12,563 Scarlett, you're blind. She looks like a big meringue. 28 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,635 Dear friends, what a joy it is to welcome you to our church 29 00:06:23,727 --> 00:06:27,766 on this wonderful day for Angus and Laura. 30 00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:33,046 Before we start the service, let us all join together in the first hymn. 31 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,284 Scarlett. 32 00:07:38,127 --> 00:07:41,915 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God 33 00:07:42,007 --> 00:07:44,157 and in the face of this congregation 34 00:07:44,247 --> 00:07:48,320 to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, 35 00:07:48,407 --> 00:07:52,719 which is an honourable estate, instituted in the time of man's innocency. 36 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:54,035 Back in a sec. 37 00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:56,561 If any man can show any just cause or impediment 38 00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:59,002 why they may not be lawfully joined together, 39 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:02,204 Iet him speak now or for ever hold his peace. 40 00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:06,200 Do you promise to love her, comfort her, 41 00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:09,245 honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, 42 00:08:09,327 --> 00:08:13,161 and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her 43 00:08:13,247 --> 00:08:16,045 - for as long as ye both shall live? - I do. 44 00:08:16,407 --> 00:08:18,204 To love and to cherish 45 00:08:18,287 --> 00:08:21,199 - till death us do part. - till death us do part. 46 00:08:21,287 --> 00:08:25,997 - And thereto I pledge thee my troth. - And thereto I pledge thee my troth. 47 00:08:27,447 --> 00:08:29,438 Do you have the ring? 48 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:40,763 - With this ring, I thee wed. - With this ring, I thee wed. 49 00:08:40,847 --> 00:08:43,042 With my body, I thee worship. 50 00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:46,442 With my body, I thee worship. 51 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:49,246 And with all my worldly goods I do thee endow. 52 00:08:49,687 --> 00:08:53,236 And with all my worldly goods I thee endow. 53 00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:03,279 'lf I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, 54 00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:06,803 I am become as sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal.' 55 00:09:06,887 --> 00:09:07,956 Good point. 56 00:10:03,247 --> 00:10:06,762 - Great hat. - Thanks. I bought it specially. 57 00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:12,524 There. 58 00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:21,966 Right. Get in position, please. 59 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,483 Thank you. Smile. 60 00:10:24,847 --> 00:10:29,284 - Splendid, I thought. What did you think? - I thought splendid. What did you think? 61 00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:30,595 Splendid, I thought. 62 00:10:30,687 --> 00:10:33,076 Scarlotta, fabulous dress! 63 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:35,522 The ecclesiastical purple and the pagan orange 64 00:10:35,607 --> 00:10:37,757 symbolising the symbiosis in marriage 65 00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:40,315 between the heathen and Christian traditions? 66 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,204 That's right. 67 00:10:42,687 --> 00:10:45,360 Lovely. And again. 68 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:50,237 - Any idea who the girl in the black hat is? - Name's Carrie. 69 00:10:50,327 --> 00:10:53,000 - She's pretty. - American. 70 00:10:53,207 --> 00:10:54,196 Interesting. 71 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,323 Slut. 72 00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:58,398 Really? 73 00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:01,076 Used to work at Vogue. Lives in America now. 74 00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:03,635 Only goes out with very glamorous people. 75 00:11:03,727 --> 00:11:06,116 Quite out of your league. 76 00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:08,918 Well, that's a relief. Thanks. 77 00:11:09,247 --> 00:11:13,286 - See you there. - Off you go. 78 00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:16,556 Right. Reception. 79 00:11:20,327 --> 00:11:22,318 Bye! 80 00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:31,006 Anyone else tread in a cowpat? 81 00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:33,760 No, thought not. See you in a mo. 82 00:11:33,847 --> 00:11:37,283 Do you think l'd hate him as much if he wasn't my brother? 83 00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:43,284 Don't want to blow my chances for romance by smelling of dung. 84 00:11:47,087 --> 00:11:50,682 I never know what to say in these wretched line-ups. 85 00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:54,646 It's a cinch. Just give a big, warm hug and say the bride looks pregnant. 86 00:11:54,727 --> 00:11:59,084 - Or go for 'you must be very proud'. - Heaven preserve us. 87 00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:01,642 - You must be very proud. - Indeed. 88 00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:04,284 - Hello. - Hello. 89 00:12:04,367 --> 00:12:05,516 Hello. 90 00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:15,278 Hi. We've met. It's Richard Maples. 91 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,518 Bastard. 92 00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:26,366 Hello, Bern. 93 00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:27,766 Two, please. 94 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:30,964 - You have fun. - Take care. 95 00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:36,002 - Hello. - Hi. 96 00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:40,563 - Do you want one of these? - Thank you. 97 00:12:40,647 --> 00:12:42,399 - I... - Hello, Charles. 98 00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:45,399 Hello, dear John. How are you? How are you? 99 00:12:45,487 --> 00:12:48,285 - Good. This is... - Carrie. 100 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:51,040 - Delighted. I'm John. - Hi, John. 101 00:12:52,607 --> 00:12:55,724 - How's your gorgeous girlfriend? - She's no longer my girlfriend. 102 00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:58,242 Ah, dear. I wouldn't get too gloomy about it. 103 00:12:58,327 --> 00:13:02,639 Rumour has it she never stopped bonking Toby de Lisle in case you didn't work out. 104 00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:05,844 She is now my wife. 105 00:13:05,927 --> 00:13:08,441 Excellent. Congratulations. 106 00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,563 Excuse me. 107 00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,835 Any kids or anything, John? 108 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,476 Do we hear the patter of tiny feet? 109 00:13:18,527 --> 00:13:20,006 No. 110 00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:24,080 Well, there's plenty of time for that, isn't there? No hurry. 111 00:13:33,127 --> 00:13:35,118 Hi. How are you? 112 00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:52,800 - My name's Fiona. - I'm Gerald. 113 00:13:54,087 --> 00:13:57,557 - What do you do? - I'm training to be a priest. 114 00:13:57,647 --> 00:13:59,524 Good Lord! 115 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,601 - Do you do weddings? - No, not yet. 116 00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:05,281 I will, of course. Jolly nerve-racking. 117 00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:08,564 Yes, rather like the first time one has sex. 118 00:14:10,207 --> 00:14:12,118 Well, I suppose so. 119 00:14:12,207 --> 00:14:16,485 Though rather less messy, of course, and far less call for condoms. 120 00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:27,400 How're you doing? 121 00:14:27,727 --> 00:14:30,195 Remember the time you started Dad's boat... 122 00:14:30,567 --> 00:14:32,956 ..and the propeller cut my leg to shreds? 123 00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:34,476 This is worse. 124 00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:43,599 - Who's that boy over there in the grey? - His name's David. 125 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:46,522 Something of a dish, isn't he? 126 00:14:46,607 --> 00:14:48,757 Well, l've always thought so. 127 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:51,520 - Why are they...? - The dish can't hear. 128 00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:54,676 Gosh. 129 00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:59,045 Yeah, silent but deadly attractive. 130 00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,678 Bang, bang, bang. That's it. 131 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:04,486 Into the marquee, please. Dinner is served. 132 00:15:06,967 --> 00:15:10,880 - How do you do? - Hello. Tom. Splendid to meet you. 133 00:15:10,967 --> 00:15:12,958 Very exciting. 134 00:15:24,447 --> 00:15:25,880 Hi. 135 00:15:27,087 --> 00:15:31,717 My name's Scarlett. Don't let me drink too much cos l'll get really flirty. 136 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:37,804 - How do you do? My name's Charles. - Don't be ridiculous. 137 00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:43,325 - Charles died 20 years ago. - Must be a different Charles, I think. 138 00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:45,716 Are you telling me I don't know my own brother? 139 00:15:45,807 --> 00:15:46,876 No. 140 00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:06,440 Ladies and gentlemen, l'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. 141 00:16:06,527 --> 00:16:10,440 There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. 142 00:16:10,527 --> 00:16:15,237 This is only the second time l've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. 143 00:16:15,327 --> 00:16:18,558 The couple in question are at least still talking to me. 144 00:16:20,087 --> 00:16:23,841 Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. 145 00:16:23,927 --> 00:16:27,237 The divorce came through a couple of months ago. 146 00:16:28,847 --> 00:16:32,522 But l'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. 147 00:16:32,607 --> 00:16:38,125 Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. 148 00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:42,763 The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise, 149 00:16:42,847 --> 00:16:50,322 but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence 150 00:16:50,407 --> 00:16:53,240 that became their two-day marriage. 151 00:16:53,327 --> 00:16:56,524 Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. 152 00:16:56,607 --> 00:16:59,326 There are no skeletons in his cupboard. 153 00:16:59,407 --> 00:17:01,921 Or so I thought. 154 00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:06,726 I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. 155 00:17:10,087 --> 00:17:11,566 I am, 156 00:17:11,647 --> 00:17:18,280 as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment 157 00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:21,359 that Angus and Laura have made today. 158 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:24,844 I know I couldn't do it and 159 00:17:24,927 --> 00:17:27,839 I think it's wonderful they can. 160 00:17:27,927 --> 00:17:31,044 So, back to Angus and those sheep. 161 00:17:34,927 --> 00:17:37,885 So, ladies and gentlemen, if you'd raise your glasses. 162 00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:40,356 The adorable couple. 163 00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:46,401 I remember the first time I saw Gareth dancing. 164 00:18:46,487 --> 00:18:48,876 I feared lives would be lost. 165 00:18:51,127 --> 00:18:54,199 She's a pretty girl - the one you can't take your eyes off. 166 00:18:54,287 --> 00:18:56,926 Is it love at first sight? 167 00:18:57,007 --> 00:19:00,124 Good Lord, no! lt's the bloke she's dancing with. 168 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:04,962 I played rugby with him at school. I'm wondering what position he played. 169 00:19:06,047 --> 00:19:08,880 Though, let's say, for the sake of argument, 170 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:12,198 one did take a fancy to someone at a wedding. 171 00:19:12,287 --> 00:19:15,199 Do you think there really are people who can say 172 00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:18,916 'Hi, babe. My name's Charles. This is your lucky night'? 173 00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:23,084 - Well, if there are, they're not English. - Quite. 174 00:19:24,607 --> 00:19:27,917 Three weeks is about my question-popping minimum. 175 00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:32,482 You know I love you, Jean, don't you? I love you. I love you. 176 00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:38,320 And, Mike, l've never met you before, but I love you very much. I really do. 177 00:19:40,047 --> 00:19:42,720 Ignore her. She's drunk. 178 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:46,402 At least I hope she is. Otherwise, l'm in real trouble. 179 00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:51,646 - How's it going, Lyds? - Bloody awful. 180 00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:54,605 Oh, dear! What's the prob? 181 00:19:54,687 --> 00:19:57,838 I was promised sex. Everybody said it. 182 00:19:57,927 --> 00:20:01,806 'You be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex. You'll be fighting them off.' 183 00:20:01,887 --> 00:20:05,482 But not so much as a tongue in sight. 184 00:20:06,087 --> 00:20:10,444 Well, I mean, if you fancy anything, 185 00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:14,603 - I could always... - Don't be ridiculous, Bernard. 186 00:20:14,687 --> 00:20:17,918 - I'm not that desperate. - No, right. Of course. 187 00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:21,283 Fair enough. It's a good point. 188 00:20:37,327 --> 00:20:38,521 Bye! 189 00:20:40,007 --> 00:20:43,477 Have a lovely time! Bye! 190 00:21:13,407 --> 00:21:15,762 Where are you staying tonight, Charles? 191 00:21:17,207 --> 00:21:22,679 Scarlett and I are at some pub. The Lucky Boat, something like that. Aren't we all? 192 00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:25,679 No. Slight change of plan. 193 00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:28,918 The others are coming back to my place. Nansy's in residence. 194 00:21:29,007 --> 00:21:32,443 Might knock us up a plate of eggs and bake over a late-night Scrabble. 195 00:21:32,527 --> 00:21:36,759 - I wondered if you'd like to join. - Yeah! Thanks very much. 196 00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:39,361 - Is there room for Scarlett? - Absolutely. 197 00:21:39,447 --> 00:21:41,438 1 37 rooms, actually. 198 00:21:42,847 --> 00:21:46,442 Right. Tommy, are you the richest man in England? 199 00:21:46,527 --> 00:21:49,439 No! 200 00:21:49,527 --> 00:21:52,200 I believe we're about seventh. 201 00:21:53,047 --> 00:21:59,202 The Queen, obviously, and that Branson bloke's doing terribly well. 202 00:21:59,287 --> 00:22:03,246 Well, excellent news. I'll go and tell Scarlett. 203 00:22:03,327 --> 00:22:04,476 Yeah. 204 00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:07,843 That's unless you get lucky first. 205 00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,962 Hi. 206 00:22:17,047 --> 00:22:19,800 Hi. I thought you'd gone. 207 00:22:19,887 --> 00:22:25,245 No, not yet. I was just wondering where you were staying tonight. 208 00:22:25,327 --> 00:22:26,999 Well... 209 00:22:27,087 --> 00:22:30,363 I was staying at some pub called The Lucky... 210 00:22:30,447 --> 00:22:33,644 - The Boat or something like that. - Boatman. 211 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:36,844 Right. But now l'm going to stay at some friends' house 212 00:22:36,927 --> 00:22:39,395 with some friends. 213 00:22:39,487 --> 00:22:43,162 Well, I think 'enormous castle' is a more accurate description. 214 00:22:43,247 --> 00:22:45,556 That's too bad, because l'm at The Boatman. 215 00:22:47,887 --> 00:22:52,039 Well, it was nice not quite meeting you. 216 00:22:53,567 --> 00:22:55,956 - It was a great speech. - Thanks. 217 00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:06,801 - Well, l'm going now. - No! No, no. Don't go. We can meet now. 218 00:23:06,887 --> 00:23:11,005 - The evening's just getting going. - We both know that's a big lie. 219 00:23:15,567 --> 00:23:16,966 Fuck. 220 00:23:41,407 --> 00:23:43,921 The castle beckons, Tom. Are you sober? 221 00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:46,760 Absolutely. Orange juice all night. 222 00:23:49,047 --> 00:23:50,116 Come on. 223 00:23:54,247 --> 00:23:55,521 Bye, everybody! 224 00:23:55,607 --> 00:23:57,802 All together now. 225 00:24:05,327 --> 00:24:07,318 Bernard! 226 00:24:27,487 --> 00:24:29,796 Tom, can you stop the car? 227 00:24:29,887 --> 00:24:31,878 Stop the car. 228 00:24:33,167 --> 00:24:37,365 Sorry. I just think I might stay in that pub after all. 229 00:24:37,447 --> 00:24:39,597 Why on earth...? 230 00:24:48,167 --> 00:24:53,446 No, seriously. I'm doing some research into pubs with the word 'boat' in the title. 231 00:24:53,527 --> 00:24:56,758 - Oh, well. Please yourself. - It's a silly thing. 232 00:25:02,447 --> 00:25:04,438 Right. 233 00:25:07,127 --> 00:25:09,118 Odd decision. 234 00:25:49,727 --> 00:25:51,683 Hello. 235 00:25:51,767 --> 00:25:53,758 - Hi. - Hi. 236 00:25:54,567 --> 00:25:56,717 In the end there wasn't room for all of us. 237 00:25:57,007 --> 00:25:58,884 You said it was a castle. 238 00:25:58,967 --> 00:26:03,358 Yes, it is a castle. It's just a very, very small one. 239 00:26:03,447 --> 00:26:06,086 Tiny, in fact. Just one up, one down, which is rare. 240 00:26:06,167 --> 00:26:07,964 Drink, sir? 241 00:26:08,047 --> 00:26:11,119 Yeah. I'd like a glass of whisky, please. 242 00:26:11,207 --> 00:26:13,437 - Do you want...? - Yeah, sounds good. 243 00:26:13,727 --> 00:26:16,036 - Another for the lady. - Doubles, sir? 244 00:26:16,127 --> 00:26:18,118 Thanks. 245 00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:21,397 You here, too? How are you? 246 00:26:22,407 --> 00:26:26,002 - Hello. I'm fine. - Haven't seen Carrie, have you? 247 00:26:26,087 --> 00:26:29,045 - Who? - Carrie. American girl. Lovely legs. 248 00:26:29,767 --> 00:26:32,122 Wedding guest. Nice smell. 249 00:26:32,207 --> 00:26:34,880 - No. Sorry. - Damn! 250 00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:37,640 Blast! I think I was in there. 251 00:26:39,567 --> 00:26:42,718 If you do see her, could you tell her l've gone to my room? 252 00:26:42,807 --> 00:26:44,160 Yeah. 253 00:26:44,247 --> 00:26:46,283 - Your whisky, sir. - Thank you. 254 00:26:46,367 --> 00:26:48,642 - And one for the... - Road. Lovely. 255 00:26:48,847 --> 00:26:52,203 I think I might have one of those. Do you mind if I join you? 256 00:26:52,287 --> 00:26:56,121 - No. It'd be lovely. - Another glass of whisky and a cigar. 257 00:26:56,207 --> 00:26:59,836 Hold on. Make that a bottle. We might as well settle in, eh? 258 00:26:59,927 --> 00:27:02,282 Let's see if we can push on till dawn. 259 00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:05,245 - Lovely wedding. - Yes. 260 00:27:05,327 --> 00:27:08,319 I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. 261 00:27:08,407 --> 00:27:11,126 He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless. 262 00:27:11,207 --> 00:27:13,402 Still, it taught me about life. 263 00:27:14,487 --> 00:27:16,955 Where do you know him from? 264 00:27:17,047 --> 00:27:19,925 - University. - Splendid. 265 00:27:20,007 --> 00:27:21,998 Splendid. Yep. 266 00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:25,361 I didn't go myself. I couldn't see the point. 267 00:27:25,447 --> 00:27:28,962 When you work in the money markets, what use is Wordsworth, eh? 268 00:27:29,247 --> 00:27:32,796 Excuse me, sir. Your wife says could you come upstairs at once? 269 00:27:32,887 --> 00:27:35,276 Room 1 2, in case you're so drunk you can't remember. 270 00:27:35,367 --> 00:27:37,517 - My wife? - Yes, sir. 271 00:27:37,927 --> 00:27:40,441 My wife! 272 00:27:40,527 --> 00:27:43,724 God! You are drunk if you can't remember you've got a wife. 273 00:27:43,807 --> 00:27:45,604 Yeah... 274 00:27:46,207 --> 00:27:50,246 - Do you mind if l... - No, no. Off you go. Best of luck. 275 00:27:50,327 --> 00:27:54,036 Lucky bachelor, me. I'll have another search for that Katie creature. 276 00:27:54,127 --> 00:27:57,244 - Carrie. - That's the one. Damn fine filly. 277 00:27:58,047 --> 00:28:00,038 I think l'm in there. 278 00:28:15,687 --> 00:28:17,484 - Hi. - Hello. 279 00:28:17,567 --> 00:28:20,684 - Sorry about that. - He was hard to get rid of. 280 00:28:20,767 --> 00:28:22,758 Yeah. 281 00:28:22,847 --> 00:28:23,836 So... 282 00:28:30,687 --> 00:28:36,876 Maybe we could just skulk around here for a bit and then go back down. 283 00:28:38,207 --> 00:28:40,641 That's a thought. I don't usually skulk, 284 00:28:40,727 --> 00:28:44,436 but I suppose I could skulk if skulking were required. 285 00:28:44,527 --> 00:28:46,916 Do you skulk regularly? 286 00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:53,996 No. No, I don't normally think of myself as a skulker but... 287 00:28:56,967 --> 00:29:03,361 Well, why don't you come in and skulk for a while and we'll see? 288 00:29:10,967 --> 00:29:15,916 I noticed the bride and groom didn't kiss in the church, which is kind of strange. 289 00:29:16,007 --> 00:29:18,805 Where I come from, kissing is very big. 290 00:29:19,487 --> 00:29:23,685 Is it? Well, I think you're right. We are probably more reserved. 291 00:29:23,767 --> 00:29:26,839 'You may kiss the bride' isn't actually in the Book of Common Prayer. 292 00:29:26,927 --> 00:29:30,636 I always worry l'll go too far in the heat of the moment. 293 00:29:33,967 --> 00:29:36,322 How far do you think too far would be? 294 00:29:36,407 --> 00:29:38,796 I don't know. 295 00:29:40,087 --> 00:29:41,759 Maybe 296 00:29:43,567 --> 00:29:45,956 that would be all right. 297 00:29:46,047 --> 00:29:50,598 - I think that would be fine. - In fact, it might be a bit dismissive. 298 00:29:51,927 --> 00:29:53,918 Maybe this 299 00:29:55,087 --> 00:29:57,282 might be better. 300 00:29:59,247 --> 00:30:03,240 Yeah, I think it would be dangerous to take it any further. 301 00:30:04,087 --> 00:30:06,078 I mean... 302 00:30:17,607 --> 00:30:20,246 That might be taking it a little far. 303 00:30:26,167 --> 00:30:27,566 What about this? 304 00:30:27,647 --> 00:30:32,437 Do you think the vicar would think things had slipped a little out of his control? 305 00:30:32,527 --> 00:30:38,159 I think he might. This kind of thing is really better suited to the honeymoon 306 00:30:38,247 --> 00:30:40,636 than to the service itself. 307 00:30:40,727 --> 00:30:43,560 Why do you think it's called a honeymoon? 308 00:30:44,487 --> 00:30:49,720 I don't know. I suppose it's 'honey' cos it's sweet as honey 309 00:30:49,807 --> 00:30:53,800 and 'moon' because it was the first time 310 00:30:54,967 --> 00:30:58,516 a husband got to see his wife's bottom. 311 00:31:37,047 --> 00:31:39,038 What's happening? 312 00:31:40,567 --> 00:31:42,558 I have to go. 313 00:31:43,807 --> 00:31:46,640 - Where? - America. 314 00:31:48,327 --> 00:31:50,318 That is a tragedy. 315 00:31:51,487 --> 00:31:53,603 Just before I go, 316 00:31:53,687 --> 00:31:57,839 when were you thinking of announcing the engagement? 317 00:32:00,207 --> 00:32:02,675 Sorry. Whose engagement? 318 00:32:03,607 --> 00:32:05,199 Ours. 319 00:32:05,287 --> 00:32:09,678 I assumed since we slept together and everything, we'd be getting married. 320 00:32:10,127 --> 00:32:12,163 What did you think? 321 00:32:15,087 --> 00:32:17,078 I... 322 00:32:18,687 --> 00:32:25,559 Gosh! You know, that takes a lot of thinking about, that kind of thing. 323 00:32:25,647 --> 00:32:28,036 Obviously, l'm... I... 324 00:32:30,327 --> 00:32:32,318 You're joking. 325 00:32:35,327 --> 00:32:38,763 God! For a moment there I thought I was in Fatal Attraction. 326 00:32:38,847 --> 00:32:43,443 You were Glenn Close and I was gonna find my pet rabbit on the stove. 327 00:32:44,527 --> 00:32:46,518 No. 328 00:32:47,847 --> 00:32:51,840 But I think we both missed a great opportunity here. 329 00:32:56,647 --> 00:32:58,638 Bye. 330 00:33:19,447 --> 00:33:22,484 Three months later 331 00:33:22,967 --> 00:33:25,322 Oh, fuck! 332 00:33:28,527 --> 00:33:29,562 Fuck! 333 00:33:31,047 --> 00:33:33,038 Fuckity fuck! 334 00:33:33,367 --> 00:33:34,720 Fuck! 335 00:33:34,967 --> 00:33:38,084 - Car or taxi? - Taxi. We could never park. 336 00:33:46,127 --> 00:33:48,516 Car seems a good idea. 337 00:33:49,567 --> 00:33:51,558 - Fuck! - Fuck! 338 00:34:01,607 --> 00:34:03,723 Leave it. No one will notice. 339 00:34:27,407 --> 00:34:29,602 Sorry l'm late. Traffic. 340 00:34:32,007 --> 00:34:34,999 Yeah... Who is it today? 341 00:35:05,047 --> 00:35:07,083 One more, please. 342 00:35:59,127 --> 00:36:03,723 In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. 343 00:36:03,807 --> 00:36:05,798 Amen. 344 00:36:06,527 --> 00:36:08,438 Let us pray. 345 00:36:08,527 --> 00:36:13,043 Father, you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery, 346 00:36:13,607 --> 00:36:17,282 a symbol of Christ's love for his church. 347 00:36:17,367 --> 00:36:25,843 Hear our prayers for Bernard and Lydia through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, 348 00:36:25,927 --> 00:36:29,681 who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Goat... 349 00:36:30,607 --> 00:36:32,165 Ghost. 350 00:36:32,727 --> 00:36:35,321 One God, for ever and ever. 351 00:36:35,887 --> 00:36:37,115 Amen. 352 00:36:37,207 --> 00:36:39,767 It's his first time. He's a family friend. 353 00:36:41,007 --> 00:36:42,838 Bernard and Lydia, 354 00:36:42,927 --> 00:36:47,637 I shall now ask if you freely undertake the obligations of marriage. 355 00:36:47,727 --> 00:36:50,605 Bernard, repeat after me. 356 00:36:50,687 --> 00:36:54,919 - I do solemnly declare... - I do solemnly declare... 357 00:36:55,007 --> 00:36:57,646 that I know not of any lawful impediment... 358 00:36:57,887 --> 00:37:00,879 that I know not of any lawful impediment... 359 00:37:00,967 --> 00:37:02,798 why l, Lydia... 360 00:37:03,607 --> 00:37:05,677 why l, Bernard... 361 00:37:07,727 --> 00:37:08,637 Sorry. 362 00:37:09,567 --> 00:37:16,006 why l, Bernard Godfrey Saint John Delaney,... 363 00:37:16,087 --> 00:37:20,797 why l, Bernard Geoffrey St John Delaney,... 364 00:37:22,447 --> 00:37:27,760 may not be joined in matrimony to Lydia John Hibbott. 365 00:37:28,527 --> 00:37:33,157 may not be joined in matrimony to Lydia Jane Hibbott. 366 00:37:34,927 --> 00:37:37,964 Lydia, repeat after me. 367 00:37:38,807 --> 00:37:42,083 - I do solemnly declare... - I do solemnly declare... 368 00:37:42,167 --> 00:37:44,442 that I know not of any lawful impediment... 369 00:37:44,727 --> 00:37:47,958 that I know not of any lawful impediment... 370 00:37:48,047 --> 00:37:51,756 why l, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 371 00:37:52,007 --> 00:37:54,999 why l, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 372 00:37:55,087 --> 00:37:57,396 may not be johned in matrimony... 373 00:37:57,487 --> 00:38:01,162 may not be joined in matrimony... 374 00:38:01,247 --> 00:38:06,879 to Bernard Geoffrey Sidd... Siddun... Delaney. 375 00:38:07,367 --> 00:38:12,395 to Bernard Geoffrey St John Delaney. 376 00:38:15,447 --> 00:38:18,803 I call upon those persons here present to witness... 377 00:38:19,647 --> 00:38:23,037 I call upon those persons here present to witness... 378 00:38:23,127 --> 00:38:25,482 that l, Bernard... 379 00:38:31,967 --> 00:38:33,400 Delaney,... 380 00:38:35,887 --> 00:38:37,843 that l, Bernard Delaney,... 381 00:38:37,927 --> 00:38:40,566 do take thee, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 382 00:38:40,807 --> 00:38:43,844 do take thee, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 383 00:38:43,927 --> 00:38:46,964 to be my awful wedded wife. 384 00:38:47,047 --> 00:38:49,959 to be my lawful wedded wife. 385 00:38:50,047 --> 00:38:52,083 That's ri... That's right. 386 00:38:52,167 --> 00:38:54,601 May Almighty God bless you all. 387 00:38:54,687 --> 00:38:58,396 The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spigot... Spirit. 388 00:38:58,487 --> 00:38:59,476 Amen. 389 00:38:59,567 --> 00:39:01,558 Bravo! 390 00:39:21,967 --> 00:39:23,195 Thanks. 391 00:39:23,287 --> 00:39:25,278 Coming, Bernie! 392 00:39:25,967 --> 00:39:26,956 Sorry. 393 00:39:27,687 --> 00:39:29,405 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 394 00:39:29,647 --> 00:39:31,319 That way? 395 00:39:31,407 --> 00:39:33,921 Sorry. Could you two...? Sorry. 396 00:39:34,687 --> 00:39:36,279 Sorry! 397 00:39:51,767 --> 00:39:54,076 I've got a new theory about marriage. 398 00:39:54,687 --> 00:40:00,364 Two people are in love, they live together, and one day they run out of conversation. 399 00:40:00,447 --> 00:40:04,326 Totally. They can't think of a single thing to say to each other. 400 00:40:04,407 --> 00:40:06,477 That's it. Panic. 401 00:40:06,567 --> 00:40:12,403 Then suddenly, it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock. 402 00:40:13,927 --> 00:40:16,839 - Which is? - He'll ask her to marry him. 403 00:40:16,927 --> 00:40:18,838 Brilliant! 404 00:40:18,927 --> 00:40:23,318 They've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives. 405 00:40:23,407 --> 00:40:27,002 So it's just a way out of an embarrassing pause in conversation. 406 00:40:27,087 --> 00:40:29,601 The definitive icebreaker. 407 00:40:29,687 --> 00:40:33,885 - Tom! How's the speech coming along? - It's pretty good, I think. 408 00:40:33,967 --> 00:40:37,198 Something for everyone. Tears, laughter... 409 00:40:38,767 --> 00:40:42,077 - Excellent. - It's a very good theory, Gareth. 410 00:40:42,167 --> 00:40:46,922 There is another argument, of course, that it has something to do with true love. 411 00:40:47,007 --> 00:40:49,043 Well, there's a thought. 412 00:40:53,007 --> 00:40:57,046 - Can I help you, sir? - Can I have three brandies, please? 413 00:40:57,127 --> 00:40:58,526 Hi. 414 00:41:00,047 --> 00:41:01,162 Hello! 415 00:41:01,247 --> 00:41:03,761 - How are you? - Fine! 416 00:41:05,087 --> 00:41:07,840 Sorry. I'm overwhelmed to see you. 417 00:41:09,727 --> 00:41:12,366 Look, don't go back to America. Please. 418 00:41:12,447 --> 00:41:15,280 - I'll be back in two secs, OK? - OK. 419 00:41:17,007 --> 00:41:18,406 Hi, Fi. 420 00:41:19,207 --> 00:41:21,198 Those are yours. See you in five hours. 421 00:41:21,287 --> 00:41:25,280 - Something happened? - It has. This is a bloody great wedding. 422 00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:31,766 Hi. 423 00:41:31,847 --> 00:41:35,681 Well, you look perfect. In fact, you probably are perfect. 424 00:41:35,767 --> 00:41:38,440 - How are you? - I'm really well. 425 00:41:38,527 --> 00:41:41,917 Charles, l'd like you to meet Hamish, my fiancé. 426 00:41:44,847 --> 00:41:47,805 Excellent. 427 00:41:47,887 --> 00:41:50,685 How do you do, Hamish? Delighted to meet you. 428 00:41:50,767 --> 00:41:52,917 Charming surprise to find Carrie back. 429 00:41:53,007 --> 00:41:55,043 Took a lot of persuading, I can tell you. 430 00:41:55,127 --> 00:41:57,595 Darling, I told James I was going to get you. 431 00:41:57,687 --> 00:42:00,679 He'll think l've totally lost control of you already. 432 00:42:00,767 --> 00:42:02,962 I'll see you later. 433 00:42:11,447 --> 00:42:13,881 How are you doing, Charles? 434 00:42:14,687 --> 00:42:17,155 Not great, actually, suddenly. 435 00:42:20,047 --> 00:42:22,038 I don't know... 436 00:42:22,967 --> 00:42:27,085 I mean, what the hell's going on here? 437 00:42:27,167 --> 00:42:31,638 Why am I always at weddings and never actually getting married, Matt? 438 00:42:31,727 --> 00:42:34,685 It's probably because you're a bit scruffy. 439 00:42:36,487 --> 00:42:39,604 Or it could also be cos you haven't met the right girl. 440 00:42:39,687 --> 00:42:41,917 But you see, is that it? 441 00:42:42,007 --> 00:42:47,400 Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. 442 00:42:47,487 --> 00:42:49,637 - Maybe it's me. - Nonsense. 443 00:42:49,727 --> 00:42:54,676 My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, dinner is served. 444 00:42:55,767 --> 00:42:58,600 Come on. Odds on, you meet your wife at dinner. 445 00:42:59,927 --> 00:43:01,724 Yes. 446 00:43:11,607 --> 00:43:13,598 Oh, my God! 447 00:43:16,407 --> 00:43:18,443 Charles? 448 00:43:25,167 --> 00:43:27,397 - Hi. - Hello. I'm Alistair. 449 00:43:27,487 --> 00:43:28,476 Great. 450 00:43:28,567 --> 00:43:31,798 - I believe you know Veronica. - Yeah. Hi, Vee. Hi. 451 00:43:31,887 --> 00:43:33,878 Nicki. 452 00:43:35,647 --> 00:43:37,638 Great. 453 00:43:42,447 --> 00:43:44,915 Tell me, are you married? 454 00:43:45,487 --> 00:43:46,681 No. 455 00:43:46,767 --> 00:43:49,600 - Are you a lesbian? - Good Lord! 456 00:43:51,007 --> 00:43:52,998 What made you say that? 457 00:43:53,087 --> 00:43:55,806 It's one of the possibilities for unmarried girls. 458 00:43:55,887 --> 00:44:00,563 It is a bit more interesting than saying 'just never found the right chap'. 459 00:44:00,847 --> 00:44:04,681 - Quite right. Why be dull? - Thank you. 460 00:44:08,607 --> 00:44:13,078 The truth is, I have met the right person, only he's not in love with me. 461 00:44:13,167 --> 00:44:16,557 And until I stop loving him no one else stands a chance. 462 00:44:16,647 --> 00:44:19,036 - Bad luck. - Yes, isn't it? 463 00:44:21,167 --> 00:44:24,318 I was a lesbian once at school, but only for 1 5 minutes. 464 00:44:24,407 --> 00:44:26,637 I don't think it counts. 465 00:44:33,447 --> 00:44:35,802 There are 400 different kinds of tea, 466 00:44:36,087 --> 00:44:39,443 and that's not including all these so-called fruit teas. 467 00:44:39,527 --> 00:44:43,315 I took Veronica out to lndia at Christmas to look at the plantations. 468 00:44:43,407 --> 00:44:46,285 - You and her went there once. - That's right. 469 00:44:46,367 --> 00:44:50,565 Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill. 470 00:44:51,047 --> 00:44:53,800 - Trying to cheer you up. - You're that Veronica! 471 00:44:53,887 --> 00:44:56,560 Which Veronica? Charlie? 472 00:44:56,647 --> 00:44:59,480 - Remember Bombay? - When Charles and I were going out, 473 00:44:59,567 --> 00:45:03,242 he told me he'd had this interesting journey round lndia 474 00:45:03,327 --> 00:45:06,637 with Vomiting Veronica. I think that was it. 475 00:45:06,727 --> 00:45:09,844 I don't remember ever mentioning it. Maybe I did. 476 00:45:10,047 --> 00:45:14,086 Come on, Charles. I don't think l've ever been out with anyone less discreet. 477 00:45:14,167 --> 00:45:18,080 - That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? - It is not. 478 00:45:18,167 --> 00:45:21,079 I remember you going on about this girl Helena 479 00:45:21,167 --> 00:45:24,398 - whose mother made a pass at you. - I remember this. 480 00:45:24,487 --> 00:45:28,560 You couldn't work out whether it would be impolite not to accept her advances. 481 00:45:28,647 --> 00:45:31,684 That's right. Mrs Piggy. Helena was Miss Piggy, 482 00:45:31,767 --> 00:45:34,201 so her mother was Mrs Piggy! 483 00:45:34,647 --> 00:45:36,842 I think perhaps it was a... 484 00:45:36,927 --> 00:45:39,600 We've both lost a lot of weight since then. 485 00:45:46,007 --> 00:45:48,521 Great! The speeches. 486 00:45:48,607 --> 00:45:53,761 My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, pray silence for the best man. 487 00:46:05,647 --> 00:46:09,356 When Bernard told me he was getting engaged to Lydia, 488 00:46:09,447 --> 00:46:14,316 I congratulated him because all his other girlfriends were such complete dogs. 489 00:46:16,847 --> 00:46:20,635 Although may I say how delighted we are to have so many of them here today. 490 00:46:23,407 --> 00:46:28,242 I'm particularly delighted to see Camilla, who many of you will remember 491 00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:33,037 as the first person Bernard asked to marry him. 492 00:46:33,127 --> 00:46:36,563 If I remember rightly, she told him to sod off. 493 00:46:40,207 --> 00:46:42,198 And lucky for Lydia that she did. 494 00:46:47,607 --> 00:46:49,598 It's very disappointing. 495 00:46:53,807 --> 00:46:57,197 We had the most adorable girl at our table called Carrie. 496 00:46:57,287 --> 00:47:01,280 Apparently her fiancé's awfully grand and he owns half of Scotland. 497 00:47:01,367 --> 00:47:04,564 - How are you? - I'm stuck in the wedding from hell. 498 00:47:04,647 --> 00:47:07,241 Ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. 499 00:47:07,327 --> 00:47:09,887 If I meet Henrietta, the horror will be complete. 500 00:47:09,967 --> 00:47:11,366 Hello, Charles. 501 00:47:12,127 --> 00:47:14,118 Hello, Hen. How are you? 502 00:47:15,567 --> 00:47:16,556 Hen... 503 00:47:16,647 --> 00:47:20,276 Why can't you leave her alone? Haven't you hurt her enough? 504 00:47:23,847 --> 00:47:27,476 Excuse me. I think l'd better be where other people are not. 505 00:47:34,807 --> 00:47:35,796 Hello. 506 00:47:36,287 --> 00:47:41,600 I'm S-e-r-e-n-a. 507 00:47:41,687 --> 00:47:43,405 Hello. 508 00:47:45,127 --> 00:47:47,687 I'm just learning. 509 00:47:50,247 --> 00:47:55,037 I'm probably naking tols of nistakes. 510 00:47:57,727 --> 00:48:01,925 No - perfect. Perfect. 511 00:48:04,167 --> 00:48:06,761 Would you like to dance? 512 00:48:07,567 --> 00:48:10,923 That would be... mice. 513 00:48:41,567 --> 00:48:43,159 Taxi! 514 00:48:50,767 --> 00:48:52,280 Good night, sir. 515 00:49:30,687 --> 00:49:34,043 It's all right. Oh, God! This is wonderful. 516 00:49:52,167 --> 00:49:56,080 Wait a minute. This is no fun. I want to see my lovely husband. 517 00:50:18,767 --> 00:50:23,716 Who's a very bad bridegroom indeed? 518 00:50:38,327 --> 00:50:40,795 - Have you got a boyfriend? - Yes. 519 00:50:40,887 --> 00:50:44,357 - What's his name? - Dolph. He's good at table tennis. 520 00:50:44,447 --> 00:50:47,166 - What about you? - No. Afraid not. 521 00:50:48,127 --> 00:50:50,118 Why not? 522 00:50:50,207 --> 00:50:52,402 Don't know. 523 00:50:53,047 --> 00:50:58,075 Because most of the blokes I fancy think l'm stupid and pointless, 524 00:50:58,167 --> 00:51:00,840 so they just bonk me and then leave me, 525 00:51:00,927 --> 00:51:04,761 and the kind of blokes that do fancy me, I think are drips. 526 00:51:04,847 --> 00:51:07,361 I can't even be bothered to bonk them, 527 00:51:07,447 --> 00:51:10,484 which does sort of leave me a bit nowhere. 528 00:51:11,047 --> 00:51:13,436 What's bonking? 529 00:51:14,807 --> 00:51:20,723 Well, it's kind of like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls. 530 00:51:42,487 --> 00:51:44,557 So good! 531 00:51:56,087 --> 00:52:00,763 - I love my wife! - And I love my husband! 532 00:52:04,007 --> 00:52:07,920 - Do you think we'd better get back? - We could just wait a few minutes 533 00:52:08,007 --> 00:52:09,998 and have another go. 534 00:52:12,167 --> 00:52:13,964 Naughty little rabbit! 535 00:52:19,607 --> 00:52:21,598 Found it. 536 00:52:25,927 --> 00:52:28,316 Charles! Charles, we must talk. 537 00:52:30,647 --> 00:52:32,046 Right. 538 00:52:32,127 --> 00:52:36,120 The thing is, Charlie, l've spoken to lots of people about you. 539 00:52:36,207 --> 00:52:39,961 Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles. 540 00:52:40,047 --> 00:52:41,036 Am l? 541 00:52:41,127 --> 00:52:45,359 You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. 542 00:52:45,447 --> 00:52:49,759 One girlfriend after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. 543 00:52:49,847 --> 00:52:51,724 On the contrary... 544 00:52:51,807 --> 00:52:54,844 You're affectionate to them and sweet to them. 545 00:52:54,927 --> 00:52:57,361 Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot. 546 00:52:57,447 --> 00:52:59,438 - I did not. - You did. 547 00:52:59,527 --> 00:53:02,678 - I thought U2 was a type of submarine. - In a way, you were right. 548 00:53:02,767 --> 00:53:06,043 - Their music has a naval quality. - Be serious, Charles. 549 00:53:06,127 --> 00:53:09,756 Give people a chance. You don't have to think 'l must get married', 550 00:53:09,847 --> 00:53:13,601 but you mustn't start relationships thinking 'l mustn't get married'. 551 00:53:13,687 --> 00:53:17,726 Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along. 552 00:53:17,807 --> 00:53:19,126 Charlie! 553 00:53:19,207 --> 00:53:22,643 Oh, God! The way you used to look at me! 554 00:53:22,727 --> 00:53:25,036 I just misread it, that's all. 555 00:53:25,127 --> 00:53:27,641 I thought you were going to propose 556 00:53:27,727 --> 00:53:30,241 and you were just working out how to leave. 557 00:53:30,327 --> 00:53:34,115 - No, I wasn't. - Oh, God, this is ridiculous. 558 00:53:35,327 --> 00:53:37,318 Hen... 559 00:53:38,407 --> 00:53:41,683 - Having a good night? - Yes. 560 00:53:41,767 --> 00:53:46,602 It's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value. 561 00:53:46,687 --> 00:53:50,441 - I thought you'd gone. - No. Hamish took the Edinburgh sleeper. 562 00:53:50,527 --> 00:53:52,961 I'm off now. Keep me company? 563 00:54:06,967 --> 00:54:08,958 Here, please. 564 00:54:09,727 --> 00:54:12,195 You want to come up for a nightcap? 565 00:54:14,127 --> 00:54:17,437 - You sure? - Well, yes. I think we can risk it. 566 00:54:17,527 --> 00:54:21,281 I'm pretty sure I can resist you. You're not that cute. 567 00:54:21,847 --> 00:54:23,997 Sorry... Yeah, great. 568 00:55:34,755 --> 00:55:37,872 Morning, Charles. Breakfast's up. 569 00:55:37,955 --> 00:55:42,346 One month later 570 00:55:44,035 --> 00:55:46,390 What are you up to today? 571 00:55:46,475 --> 00:55:48,113 Oh, yeah... 572 00:55:49,075 --> 00:55:53,671 I'm taking advantage of the fact that, for the first time in my entire life, 573 00:55:53,755 --> 00:55:56,952 it's Saturday and I don't have a wedding to go to. 574 00:55:57,035 --> 00:55:59,310 All I have to do is not be late for David. 575 00:55:59,395 --> 00:56:01,386 I was going to go for a job. 576 00:56:01,475 --> 00:56:06,185 This new shop called Spank wants a sales assistant. I think l'd be great. 577 00:56:06,275 --> 00:56:09,665 - They sell all this funny rubber stuff. - No... 578 00:56:09,755 --> 00:56:14,783 Another wedding invitation, and a list. Lovely! 579 00:56:14,875 --> 00:56:17,389 They say rubber's mainly for perverts. 580 00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:20,706 Don't know why. I think it's very practical, actually. 581 00:56:20,795 --> 00:56:23,514 You spill anything on it and it just comes off. 582 00:56:23,595 --> 00:56:26,234 That could be why the perverts like it. 583 00:56:26,315 --> 00:56:28,510 You all right? 584 00:56:29,515 --> 00:56:31,506 Yeah. 585 00:56:32,155 --> 00:56:36,387 It's that girl Carrie. You remember, the... 586 00:56:36,475 --> 00:56:38,670 The American. 587 00:56:48,474 --> 00:56:50,863 Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. 588 00:56:50,954 --> 00:56:54,071 - Do you have the wedding list for Banks? - Certainly, sir. 589 00:56:54,154 --> 00:56:57,624 Lots of beautiful things for around about the £1 ,000 mark. 590 00:56:59,234 --> 00:57:03,352 What about things around the sort of £50 mark? ls there much? 591 00:57:04,234 --> 00:57:07,749 Well, you could get that Pygmy warrior over there. 592 00:57:08,434 --> 00:57:10,425 This? Excellent! 593 00:57:10,514 --> 00:57:14,189 If you could find someone to chip in the other 3,950. 594 00:57:14,274 --> 00:57:16,708 Or our carrier bags are £1 .50 each. 595 00:57:16,794 --> 00:57:19,183 Why don't you just get 33 of them? 596 00:57:21,234 --> 00:57:23,987 Well, I think l'll probably leave it. 597 00:57:24,074 --> 00:57:27,032 Thanks very much. You've been very... 598 00:57:27,754 --> 00:57:30,791 - What did you get? - Blimey! 599 00:57:30,874 --> 00:57:33,229 Well, I never! 600 00:57:33,314 --> 00:57:36,306 Nothing yet. I'm just, you know, deciding. 601 00:57:36,394 --> 00:57:39,466 - It's nice to see you. - It's nice to see you. 602 00:57:40,434 --> 00:57:44,791 This present thing is great. I should've gotten married years ago. 603 00:57:44,874 --> 00:57:47,752 - Anybody get the Pygmy? - The young man thought about it... 604 00:57:48,914 --> 00:57:50,313 No! 605 00:57:50,394 --> 00:57:52,954 Just get me an ashtray. 606 00:57:54,154 --> 00:57:56,668 Are you free for about a half-hour? 607 00:57:56,754 --> 00:57:58,107 Yeah. 608 00:57:58,194 --> 00:58:01,311 I'm meeting my brother, but I can be a bit late. 609 00:58:01,394 --> 00:58:04,670 Oh, good. You have an important decision to make. 610 00:58:04,754 --> 00:58:08,269 - Now, you mustn't laugh. - OK. Right. 611 00:58:15,274 --> 00:58:18,107 What do you think? 612 00:58:19,794 --> 00:58:21,386 Divine. 613 00:58:21,474 --> 00:58:24,227 Bit of a meringue? 614 00:58:25,514 --> 00:58:27,869 Don't worry. We've only just begun. 615 00:58:30,674 --> 00:58:33,063 What do you think? 616 00:58:34,074 --> 00:58:36,429 - You're kidding. - But it would be wonderful. 617 00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:39,028 Maybe next time. 618 00:58:40,674 --> 00:58:43,063 What do you think? 619 00:58:46,834 --> 00:58:50,190 - I knew it. - With a staff, you could look after sheep. 620 00:58:50,554 --> 00:58:52,033 Don't be rude. 621 00:58:53,034 --> 00:58:55,025 It's a bit sexy, this. 622 00:58:56,314 --> 00:58:58,111 Well... 623 00:58:58,194 --> 00:59:01,311 If I were your husband, I would die of pride. 624 00:59:01,394 --> 00:59:03,385 You may be right. It is dangerous. 625 00:59:03,474 --> 00:59:07,262 There's nothing worse at a wedding than a priest with an erection. 626 00:59:12,554 --> 00:59:15,591 It's strange thinking you'll never sleep with anyone else. 627 00:59:15,674 --> 00:59:20,065 - You don't think you'll be unfaithful? - No. Not once l'm married. 628 00:59:20,154 --> 00:59:23,544 I told Hamish l'll kill him if he does, so l'd better stick to that. 629 00:59:23,634 --> 00:59:25,033 Quite right. 630 00:59:25,114 --> 00:59:28,106 Anyway, I reckon l've had my fair run at it. 631 00:59:28,754 --> 00:59:32,224 What is a fair run these days, down your way? 632 00:59:32,314 --> 00:59:34,782 I don't know. 633 00:59:34,874 --> 00:59:36,865 More than one. 634 00:59:36,954 --> 00:59:39,149 Well, come on. Tell me. 635 00:59:40,154 --> 00:59:42,987 I've seen the dress. We have no secrets. 636 00:59:46,874 --> 00:59:48,865 Well... 637 00:59:49,634 --> 00:59:54,867 The first one - of course, not easily forgotten - was kinda nice. 638 00:59:55,994 --> 00:59:58,508 Two... hairy back. 639 00:59:59,834 --> 01:00:05,511 Three, four, five... Six was on my birthday in my parents' room. 640 01:00:05,834 --> 01:00:08,064 - Which birthday? - 17th. 641 01:00:08,154 --> 01:00:11,032 - We've only reached 17? - I grew up in the country. 642 01:00:11,114 --> 01:00:13,628 Lots of rolling around in haystacks. 643 01:00:14,154 --> 01:00:17,146 OK. Seven... 644 01:00:17,234 --> 01:00:20,226 Eight, unfortunately, was quite a shock. 645 01:00:21,274 --> 01:00:24,983 Nine, against a fence. Very uncomfortable. Don't try it. 646 01:00:25,074 --> 01:00:26,063 I won't. 647 01:00:26,154 --> 01:00:29,624 10 was gorgeous. Just heaven, just... 648 01:00:30,954 --> 01:00:34,264 - He was wonderful. - I hate him. 649 01:00:35,354 --> 01:00:38,312 1 1 , obviously after 10, disappointing. 650 01:00:38,394 --> 01:00:43,104 1 2 through 17, the university years. Sensitive, caring, intelligent boys. 651 01:00:43,194 --> 01:00:45,947 Sexually speaking, a real low patch. 652 01:00:47,554 --> 01:00:49,829 18 broke my heart. 653 01:00:49,914 --> 01:00:52,428 - Years of yearning. - I'm sorry. 654 01:00:52,514 --> 01:00:55,551 20... Oh, my God! I can't believe l've reached 20. 655 01:00:56,634 --> 01:00:59,353 21 , elephant tongue. 656 01:01:00,834 --> 01:01:04,429 22 kept falling asleep. That was my first year in England. 657 01:01:04,914 --> 01:01:05,903 I do apologise. 658 01:01:05,994 --> 01:01:08,986 - 23 and 24 together. That was something. - Seriously? 659 01:01:09,074 --> 01:01:11,269 27... That was a mistake. 660 01:01:12,354 --> 01:01:16,142 - Suddenly at 27 you make a mistake? - Yes, he kept screaming. 661 01:01:16,234 --> 01:01:19,306 Very off-putting. I nearly gave up on the whole thing. 662 01:01:19,394 --> 01:01:22,033 But Spencer changed my mind. That's 28. 663 01:01:22,114 --> 01:01:25,026 - His father, 29. - With his father? 664 01:01:25,434 --> 01:01:27,026 30. 665 01:01:28,034 --> 01:01:30,025 31 ... Oh, my God. 666 01:01:30,834 --> 01:01:33,906 32 was lovely. 667 01:01:35,314 --> 01:01:38,750 And then my fiancé, that's 33. 668 01:01:39,874 --> 01:01:42,183 Wow! 669 01:01:42,274 --> 01:01:45,744 So I came after your fiancé? 670 01:01:46,114 --> 01:01:48,503 No, you were 32. 671 01:01:50,354 --> 01:01:52,106 So there you go. 672 01:01:52,194 --> 01:01:55,823 Less than Madonna, more than Princess Di - I hope. 673 01:01:56,394 --> 01:01:58,828 And how about you? How many have you slept with? 674 01:01:58,914 --> 01:02:01,906 Christ! Nothing like that many. I don't know... 675 01:02:01,994 --> 01:02:04,986 I don't know what the fuck l've been doing with my time. 676 01:02:05,074 --> 01:02:09,352 Work, probably. Yeah, work. I have been working late a lot. 677 01:02:16,954 --> 01:02:19,343 I wish l'd rung you. 678 01:02:21,034 --> 01:02:23,423 But then you never rang me. 679 01:02:24,354 --> 01:02:28,029 You ruthlessly slept with me twice and never rang me. 680 01:02:32,554 --> 01:02:34,431 Bollocks! 681 01:02:34,514 --> 01:02:36,709 Help me, please! Please! 682 01:02:43,714 --> 01:02:47,150 You're no longer my brother, you're just some git I once met. 683 01:02:47,474 --> 01:02:48,907 I'm sorry. 684 01:02:48,994 --> 01:02:51,792 Carrie, this is David, my brother. 685 01:02:51,874 --> 01:02:53,865 This is Carrie. 686 01:02:54,954 --> 01:02:56,307 Hi. 687 01:02:56,954 --> 01:02:59,263 We were buying her a wedding dress. 688 01:02:59,994 --> 01:03:02,224 Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying? 689 01:03:03,274 --> 01:03:05,151 Some total penis. 690 01:03:05,714 --> 01:03:09,104 What is it about penises that they get such great wives? 691 01:03:10,034 --> 01:03:13,151 I was just telling him about you marrying Hamish 692 01:03:13,234 --> 01:03:16,829 and he said it couldn't have happened to a nicer fellow. 693 01:03:17,634 --> 01:03:20,148 Didn't you do it with her once? 694 01:03:20,234 --> 01:03:22,668 - Where are you doing it? - Scotland. 695 01:03:23,514 --> 01:03:25,152 Yes. 696 01:03:25,434 --> 01:03:27,504 Beautiful breasts. 697 01:03:27,594 --> 01:03:30,506 He says that's a beautiful place. Hilly. 698 01:03:31,514 --> 01:03:33,789 You should come to the wedding, too. 699 01:03:33,874 --> 01:03:38,948 I want lots of friends to make up for the gruesome stiffs that Hamish knows. 700 01:03:39,754 --> 01:03:41,984 Well, you'd better go in. 701 01:03:42,394 --> 01:03:43,383 Bye. 702 01:03:43,794 --> 01:03:45,989 - Bye. - Bye. 703 01:03:50,634 --> 01:03:52,545 Come on - we're late. 704 01:03:55,874 --> 01:03:57,865 Fuck it! 705 01:04:10,034 --> 01:04:13,106 Look. Sorry. 706 01:04:13,194 --> 01:04:16,630 I just... Well... This is a really stupid question, 707 01:04:16,714 --> 01:04:19,512 particularly in view of our shopping excursion, 708 01:04:19,594 --> 01:04:23,030 but I just wondered if by any chance... 709 01:04:25,074 --> 01:04:28,225 Obviously not, because l've only slept with nine people. 710 01:04:28,314 --> 01:04:30,544 But l... I just wondered... 711 01:04:30,634 --> 01:04:33,102 I really feel... 712 01:04:33,194 --> 01:04:37,472 In short, to recap in a slightly clearer version, 713 01:04:37,554 --> 01:04:42,025 in the words of David Cassidy, while still with the Partridge Family, 714 01:04:42,114 --> 01:04:45,151 I think I love you. And... 715 01:04:45,234 --> 01:04:50,069 I just wondered whether by any chance you wouldn't like to... 716 01:04:52,954 --> 01:04:55,912 No. No, of course not. 717 01:04:57,354 --> 01:04:59,629 I'm an idiot. He's not. 718 01:04:59,714 --> 01:05:01,750 Excellent. Fantastic. 719 01:05:01,834 --> 01:05:05,065 Lovely to see you. Sorry to disturb. Better get on. 720 01:05:05,474 --> 01:05:08,591 - Fuck! - That was very romantic. 721 01:05:11,634 --> 01:05:15,832 Well, I thought it over a lot, you know. I wanted to get it just right. 722 01:05:17,314 --> 01:05:20,067 Important to have said it, I think. 723 01:05:20,154 --> 01:05:22,463 Said what, exactly? 724 01:05:24,314 --> 01:05:30,549 Said, you know, what I just said about David Cassidy. 725 01:05:34,994 --> 01:05:37,713 You're lovely. 726 01:06:04,834 --> 01:06:08,463 One month later 727 01:06:27,754 --> 01:06:32,305 It was ordained for lifelong faithful relationships and conjugal love. 728 01:06:32,394 --> 01:06:35,192 It was ordained for the welfare of human society, 729 01:06:35,274 --> 01:06:37,265 which can be strong and happy 730 01:06:37,354 --> 01:06:40,346 only when the marriage bond is held in honour. 731 01:06:41,274 --> 01:06:45,904 Into this holy estate these two persons now desire to enter. 732 01:06:46,874 --> 01:06:49,832 Wherefore, if anyone can show any just cause 733 01:06:49,914 --> 01:06:53,384 why they may not lawfully be joined together in marriage, 734 01:06:53,474 --> 01:06:55,465 Iet him now declare it. 735 01:06:59,634 --> 01:07:01,306 Sorry. 736 01:07:01,394 --> 01:07:03,385 Please rise. 737 01:07:06,114 --> 01:07:10,983 Do you, Hamish, take this woman Caroline to be your wedded wife 738 01:07:11,074 --> 01:07:14,953 and do you, in the presence of God and before this congregation, 739 01:07:15,034 --> 01:07:19,266 promise and covenant to be to her a loving and faithful husband 740 01:07:19,354 --> 01:07:22,152 until God shall separate you by death? 741 01:07:22,234 --> 01:07:24,190 I do. 742 01:07:24,274 --> 01:07:28,506 Do you, Caroline, take this man Hamish to be your wedded husband 743 01:07:28,594 --> 01:07:32,382 and do you, in the presence of God and before this congregation, 744 01:07:32,474 --> 01:07:35,989 promise and covenant to be to him a loving and faithful wife 745 01:07:36,074 --> 01:07:38,508 until God shall separate you by death? 746 01:07:38,594 --> 01:07:39,663 I do. 747 01:07:42,074 --> 01:07:44,065 Fuck-a-doodle-doo. 748 01:08:08,274 --> 01:08:11,471 - How awfully nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 749 01:08:13,914 --> 01:08:15,905 Hello. 750 01:08:17,434 --> 01:08:20,153 You look beautiful. Not a meringue in sight. 751 01:08:20,234 --> 01:08:21,826 Thanks. 752 01:08:27,234 --> 01:08:29,225 Blimey! 753 01:08:29,994 --> 01:08:33,031 It's Brigadoon! lt's bloody Brigadoon! 754 01:08:43,434 --> 01:08:46,870 Dear old things, as you know, l've always been proud 755 01:08:46,954 --> 01:08:50,230 that there's not a wedding ring between the lot of us. 756 01:08:50,314 --> 01:08:53,829 Over the passing of the years, it's beginning to distress me. 757 01:08:53,914 --> 01:08:57,793 I'd like to go to the wedding of someone I really loved for a change. 758 01:08:57,874 --> 01:09:00,946 Don't blame me. I've asked practically everyone I know. 759 01:09:01,034 --> 01:09:03,673 - You haven't asked me. - Haven't l? 760 01:09:03,754 --> 01:09:06,791 Oh, Scarlett... Would you like to? 761 01:09:06,874 --> 01:09:09,434 No, thank you. It was very nice of you to ask. 762 01:09:09,514 --> 01:09:11,311 Well... Any time. 763 01:09:11,394 --> 01:09:14,272 Quite right, Tom, quite right. That's the spirit. 764 01:09:14,354 --> 01:09:17,152 Tonight, these are your orders. 765 01:09:17,234 --> 01:09:21,227 Go forth and conjugate. Find husbands and wives. 766 01:09:21,314 --> 01:09:24,750 Excellent. What do you think, Fifi? Spot a potential hubby? 767 01:09:24,834 --> 01:09:27,109 - Bugger off, Tom. - Quite right. 768 01:09:27,194 --> 01:09:29,833 A toast before we go into battle. 769 01:09:31,394 --> 01:09:33,066 True love. 770 01:09:33,154 --> 01:09:35,509 In whatever shape or form it may come. 771 01:09:35,594 --> 01:09:40,668 May we all in our dotage be proud to say 'l was adored once, too.' 772 01:09:41,794 --> 01:09:44,388 - True love. - True love! 773 01:09:52,354 --> 01:09:55,312 Apparently, an enormous number of people 774 01:09:55,394 --> 01:09:58,625 actually bump into their future spouses at weddings, 775 01:09:58,714 --> 01:10:00,705 which is interesting. 776 01:10:00,794 --> 01:10:03,262 Yes, I met my husband at a wedding. 777 01:10:11,194 --> 01:10:15,790 Good Lord, I seem to have finished my drink. If you'll excuse me. 778 01:10:20,154 --> 01:10:22,793 Hello. My name's Scarlett. 779 01:10:22,874 --> 01:10:25,832 Named after Scarlett O'Hara, but much less trouble. 780 01:10:25,914 --> 01:10:28,872 - What's your name? - My name's Rhett. 781 01:10:28,954 --> 01:10:30,387 No... 782 01:10:30,474 --> 01:10:32,704 - Not really? - No, not really. 783 01:10:32,794 --> 01:10:35,752 - In fact, it's Chester. - You kidder! 784 01:10:36,994 --> 01:10:40,145 I always imagine Americans are gonna be dull as shit. 785 01:10:40,234 --> 01:10:42,225 Of course you're not, are you? 786 01:10:42,314 --> 01:10:44,908 Steve Martin's American, isn't he? 787 01:10:45,634 --> 01:10:47,590 Yes, he is. 788 01:10:47,674 --> 01:10:49,665 You're lovely. 789 01:10:58,354 --> 01:11:00,743 Hello, Charles. 790 01:11:00,834 --> 01:11:03,348 Oh, Hen. Hi. 791 01:11:03,434 --> 01:11:05,948 Look, I couldn't really bear a scene today. 792 01:11:06,034 --> 01:11:08,787 I know we've probably got tons to talk about... 793 01:11:08,874 --> 01:11:11,593 Did I behave that atrociously last time? 794 01:11:12,354 --> 01:11:15,107 Well, you remember the shower scene in Psycho? 795 01:11:15,674 --> 01:11:17,665 Scarier. 796 01:11:18,474 --> 01:11:20,510 God, l'm depressed, Hen! How are you? 797 01:11:20,594 --> 01:11:25,714 I'm cheerful. I weigh almost nothing and l've got a divine new boyfriend. 798 01:11:27,914 --> 01:11:29,745 Perhaps we should've got married. 799 01:11:29,834 --> 01:11:34,669 No! l'd have had to marry your friends, and l'm not sure I could take Fiona. 800 01:11:34,754 --> 01:11:36,312 Fiona loves you. 801 01:11:36,394 --> 01:11:40,228 - Fiona calls me Duckface. - Well, I never heard that. 802 01:11:40,314 --> 01:11:43,670 Look, darling, come to lunch soon. Give me a ring. 803 01:11:43,754 --> 01:11:45,745 Still cute. 804 01:11:49,794 --> 01:11:51,785 How's Duckface? 805 01:11:51,874 --> 01:11:54,024 Good form, actually. Not too mad. 806 01:11:55,434 --> 01:11:59,871 Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom! 807 01:12:36,074 --> 01:12:38,463 You like this girl, don't you? 808 01:12:40,834 --> 01:12:42,825 Yes. 809 01:12:45,154 --> 01:12:47,145 Yes, it's... 810 01:12:47,954 --> 01:12:50,946 It's a strange thing when at last it happens. 811 01:12:51,034 --> 01:12:55,550 And she's marrying someone else. 812 01:13:03,394 --> 01:13:07,512 How about you, Fifi? Have you identified a future partner for life yet? 813 01:13:08,474 --> 01:13:10,465 No need, really. 814 01:13:11,714 --> 01:13:13,989 The deed is done. 815 01:13:14,074 --> 01:13:17,111 I've been in love with the same bloke for ages. 816 01:13:17,794 --> 01:13:20,513 Have you? Who's that? 817 01:13:21,914 --> 01:13:24,303 You, Charlie. 818 01:13:41,874 --> 01:13:44,183 It's always been you. 819 01:13:45,194 --> 01:13:49,392 Since first we met so many years ago. 820 01:13:51,354 --> 01:13:53,584 I knew the first moment. 821 01:13:53,674 --> 01:13:56,552 Across a crowded room. A lawn, in fact. 822 01:14:02,034 --> 01:14:04,229 Doesn't matter. 823 01:14:05,274 --> 01:14:08,869 Nothing either of us can do on this one. Such is life. 824 01:14:13,514 --> 01:14:16,586 Friends isn't bad, you know. 825 01:14:16,674 --> 01:14:18,983 Friends is quite something. 826 01:14:20,754 --> 01:14:22,745 Oh, Fi... 827 01:14:33,274 --> 01:14:35,663 It's not all easy, is it? 828 01:14:36,354 --> 01:14:38,345 No. 829 01:14:40,114 --> 01:14:42,833 Just forget this business. Not to be. 830 01:14:46,274 --> 01:14:48,344 Matthew, darling. 831 01:14:48,434 --> 01:14:51,665 - Where's Gareth? - Torturing Americans. 832 01:14:52,354 --> 01:14:54,549 How thoughtful of him. 833 01:14:57,514 --> 01:15:00,426 Do you actually know Oscar Wilde? 834 01:15:00,514 --> 01:15:03,347 Not personally, no. 835 01:15:03,794 --> 01:15:08,231 But I do know someone who could get his fax number for you. 836 01:15:08,674 --> 01:15:10,665 Shall we dance? 837 01:15:53,954 --> 01:15:56,514 Well? Any rings on fingers? 838 01:15:56,594 --> 01:15:58,710 Gareth, you don't know how lucky you are. 839 01:15:58,794 --> 01:16:01,433 Finding someone to marry is a tricky business. 840 01:16:01,514 --> 01:16:06,065 It's hell out there. Matthew's trapped with an evangelist from Minnesota. 841 01:16:06,154 --> 01:16:08,304 Sweet Jesus, cast out the devil! 842 01:16:08,954 --> 01:16:13,982 My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, please charge your glasses. 843 01:16:14,074 --> 01:16:17,953 First, and rather unusually, we have the bride. 844 01:16:19,714 --> 01:16:22,103 Excellent. I love this girl. 845 01:16:22,874 --> 01:16:24,865 Thank you. 846 01:16:24,954 --> 01:16:29,744 First of all, l'd like to thank all of you who've flown in from the States. 847 01:16:30,274 --> 01:16:34,790 As for the rest of you, l'd have thought that lots of frightful Americans flying in 848 01:16:34,874 --> 01:16:37,946 was an excuse for staying away. So I thank you, too. 849 01:16:41,794 --> 01:16:46,310 If my darling dad had been here today, he would have been speaking now, 850 01:16:46,394 --> 01:16:48,464 and I know what he would have said: 851 01:16:48,554 --> 01:16:54,345 'Great dress, babe, but why in the hell are you marrying the stiff in the skirt?' 852 01:16:56,714 --> 01:17:00,593 And I would have given him the same answer that I give you: 853 01:17:00,674 --> 01:17:02,665 'Because I love him.' 854 01:17:02,754 --> 01:17:06,224 As John Lennon said, who died the same year as my dad, 855 01:17:06,314 --> 01:17:10,023 'Love is the answer, and you know that for sure.' 856 01:17:15,034 --> 01:17:17,594 And one more thing. 857 01:17:17,674 --> 01:17:21,952 Someone told me here that, if things with Hamish didn't work out, he would step in. 858 01:17:22,034 --> 01:17:25,344 I just wanted to say thanks, and l'll keep you posted. 859 01:17:30,034 --> 01:17:31,023 Bravo! 860 01:17:31,114 --> 01:17:34,902 Now, my lords, ladies, and gentlemen, Sir Hamish Banks. 861 01:17:41,154 --> 01:17:43,827 Anyone involved in politics for the last 20 years 862 01:17:43,914 --> 01:17:46,986 has got used to being upstaged by a woman. 863 01:17:48,274 --> 01:17:51,391 I didn't expect it to happen to me on my wedding day. 864 01:17:51,474 --> 01:17:55,262 However, I must also say that l'm quite happy 865 01:17:55,354 --> 01:17:58,983 to be upstaged by this woman for the rest of my life. 866 01:17:59,074 --> 01:18:03,306 Is that some barracking at the back? We politicians are used to that. 867 01:18:03,474 --> 01:18:06,307 - Shit! Find a doctor! - Right. OK. 868 01:18:06,394 --> 01:18:09,147 First of all, my compliments to the bridesmaids. 869 01:18:09,234 --> 01:18:11,543 You did your duties superbly. 870 01:18:11,634 --> 01:18:15,946 And obviously I intend to use you every time I get married from now on. 871 01:18:21,714 --> 01:18:25,423 I want to thank all those wonderful ladies of the parish 872 01:18:25,514 --> 01:18:27,664 who did the flowers in the church. 873 01:18:27,754 --> 01:18:31,827 The stern old building took on a look of flushed youth today. 874 01:18:39,914 --> 01:18:43,463 I remember the first time I laid eyes on Caroline. 875 01:18:43,554 --> 01:18:48,230 I thought to myself: 'lf by any chance she's short-sighted, 876 01:18:48,314 --> 01:18:51,624 I might just be happy for the rest of my life.' 877 01:18:52,754 --> 01:18:55,552 I thought I could see my future for the first time. 878 01:18:55,634 --> 01:19:00,867 It was a joyful one, for years and years to come. 879 01:20:28,474 --> 01:20:32,672 Good morning, and a warm welcome to you all on this cold day. 880 01:20:33,074 --> 01:20:35,668 Our service will begin in a few minutes. 881 01:20:35,754 --> 01:20:40,225 But first we have asked Matthew, Gareth's closest friend, 882 01:20:40,314 --> 01:20:42,908 to say a few words. 883 01:20:50,994 --> 01:20:54,111 Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. 884 01:20:54,194 --> 01:20:56,913 He said it was easier to get enthusiastic 885 01:20:56,994 --> 01:21:01,829 about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in. 886 01:21:03,554 --> 01:21:06,671 In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people 887 01:21:06,754 --> 01:21:11,305 to get a general picture of how Gareth was regarded by those who met him. 888 01:21:12,714 --> 01:21:16,593 'Fat' seems to have been a word people most connected with him. 889 01:21:18,594 --> 01:21:21,586 'Terribly rude' also rang a lot of bells. 890 01:21:23,114 --> 01:21:28,905 So 'very fat' and 'very rude' seems to have been the stranger's viewpoint. 891 01:21:28,994 --> 01:21:32,669 But some of you have rung me and let me know that you loved him, 892 01:21:32,874 --> 01:21:36,310 which I know he would have been thrilled to hear. 893 01:21:36,394 --> 01:21:41,593 You remember his fabulous hospitality, his strange experimental cooking. 894 01:21:43,794 --> 01:21:48,504 The recipe for duck á la banana fortunately goes with him to his grave. 895 01:21:49,954 --> 01:21:54,982 Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. 896 01:21:55,114 --> 01:22:00,234 And, when joyful, for highly vocal drunkenness. 897 01:22:03,394 --> 01:22:06,591 I hope joyful is how you will remember him. 898 01:22:08,594 --> 01:22:11,392 Not stuck in a box in a church. 899 01:22:14,314 --> 01:22:18,671 Pick your favourite of his waistcoats and remember him that way. 900 01:22:18,754 --> 01:22:22,508 The most splendid, replete, 901 01:22:23,634 --> 01:22:26,626 big-hearted 902 01:22:27,154 --> 01:22:29,748 - weak-hearted, as it turned out - 903 01:22:29,834 --> 01:22:32,826 and jolly bugger most of us ever met. 904 01:22:35,714 --> 01:22:38,865 As for me, you may ask how I will remember him. 905 01:22:40,274 --> 01:22:42,663 What I thought of him. 906 01:22:46,594 --> 01:22:49,506 Unfortunately, there I run out of words. 907 01:22:52,674 --> 01:22:54,869 Forgive me if I turn from my own feelings 908 01:22:54,954 --> 01:23:00,108 to the words of another splendid bugger, WH Auden. 909 01:23:00,834 --> 01:23:03,394 This is actually what I want to say: 910 01:23:06,474 --> 01:23:09,864 Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, 911 01:23:11,554 --> 01:23:14,751 Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, 912 01:23:16,714 --> 01:23:19,865 Silence the pianos and with muffled drum 913 01:23:19,954 --> 01:23:24,311 Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. 914 01:23:25,874 --> 01:23:28,513 Let the aeroplanes circle moaning overhead 915 01:23:28,594 --> 01:23:32,712 Scribbling on the sky the message He ls Dead. 916 01:23:34,634 --> 01:23:38,149 Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, 917 01:23:40,194 --> 01:23:43,504 Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. 918 01:23:45,114 --> 01:23:49,107 He was my North, my South, my East and West. 919 01:23:50,554 --> 01:23:53,785 My working week and my Sunday rest, 920 01:23:55,354 --> 01:23:59,313 My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; 921 01:24:01,914 --> 01:24:05,031 I thought that love would last for ever: 922 01:24:05,914 --> 01:24:08,109 I was wrong. 923 01:24:11,274 --> 01:24:13,469 The stars are not wanted now: 924 01:24:14,834 --> 01:24:17,223 Put out every one; 925 01:24:18,394 --> 01:24:21,306 Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; 926 01:24:23,914 --> 01:24:26,712 Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; 927 01:24:28,514 --> 01:24:31,790 For nothing now can ever come to any good. 928 01:25:07,274 --> 01:25:11,904 It was good of you to come. Must have been the shortest honeymoon in history. 929 01:25:11,994 --> 01:25:14,428 No, it's fine. We'll do it some other time. 930 01:25:19,234 --> 01:25:21,429 You know, what you said in the street... 931 01:25:21,514 --> 01:25:24,790 - Yes, l'm sorry about that. - No, I liked it. 932 01:25:24,874 --> 01:25:27,547 I liked you saying it. 933 01:25:37,554 --> 01:25:40,546 Charlie, l'll take Scarlett home, all right? 934 01:25:41,874 --> 01:25:43,865 Darling Fi. 935 01:25:51,874 --> 01:25:53,626 Walk, Charlie? 936 01:25:53,714 --> 01:25:56,308 Yeah. Yeah, that would be grand. 937 01:25:59,674 --> 01:26:03,189 Never felt like that. I mean, something vaguely similar, 938 01:26:03,274 --> 01:26:06,027 for Jilly, when I was young. 939 01:26:06,114 --> 01:26:07,945 Jilly? 940 01:26:08,034 --> 01:26:10,025 Labrador. 941 01:26:11,314 --> 01:26:13,669 Yes, it's odd, isn't it? 942 01:26:13,754 --> 01:26:16,222 All these years we've been single and proud of it 943 01:26:16,314 --> 01:26:20,944 and never noticed that two of us were, in effect, married all this time. 944 01:26:21,034 --> 01:26:23,343 Traitors in our midst. 945 01:26:26,994 --> 01:26:30,873 You know, I think death is hardest for the parents, don't you? 946 01:26:30,954 --> 01:26:33,263 I hope I die before my children. 947 01:26:33,354 --> 01:26:34,707 Tom... 948 01:26:34,794 --> 01:26:37,672 There's one thing I find really... 949 01:26:40,714 --> 01:26:44,468 Well... It's your total confidence that you will get married. 950 01:26:44,554 --> 01:26:48,467 I mean, what if you never find the right girl? 951 01:26:48,554 --> 01:26:49,543 Sorry? 952 01:26:49,634 --> 01:26:52,990 Surely, if that service shows anything, 953 01:26:53,074 --> 01:26:56,271 it shows that there is such a thing as a perfect match. 954 01:26:56,354 --> 01:27:01,269 If we can't be like Gareth and Matthew, then maybe we should just let it go. 955 01:27:02,034 --> 01:27:04,548 Some of us are not gonna get married. 956 01:27:04,634 --> 01:27:07,023 Well, I don't know, Charlie. 957 01:27:07,794 --> 01:27:12,345 The truth is, unlike you, I never expected the thunderbolt. 958 01:27:13,314 --> 01:27:16,943 I always just hoped that l'd meet some nice, friendly girl, 959 01:27:17,034 --> 01:27:21,664 Iike the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, 960 01:27:21,754 --> 01:27:26,225 then pop the question and settle down and be happy. 961 01:27:27,714 --> 01:27:31,389 It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce... 962 01:27:31,714 --> 01:27:34,751 I'll give you six months at the outside, Tom. 963 01:27:35,714 --> 01:27:38,103 Yeah, maybe you're right. 964 01:27:38,634 --> 01:27:45,107 Maybe all this waiting for one true love stuff gets you nowhere. 965 01:28:01,394 --> 01:28:04,545 What the fuck is going on? 966 01:28:07,714 --> 01:28:11,423 I thought we'd better make absolutely sure we weren't late. 967 01:28:11,994 --> 01:28:13,632 Excellent wedding hairstyle. 968 01:28:15,834 --> 01:28:17,187 Ten months later 969 01:28:17,274 --> 01:28:20,744 Matthew. The best-looking best man in the world. 970 01:28:21,354 --> 01:28:25,506 Listen. Thank you for doing this today. 971 01:28:25,594 --> 01:28:27,789 Of course. 972 01:28:29,994 --> 01:28:32,906 I wish Gareth was here. 973 01:28:32,994 --> 01:28:35,189 Bet he does, too. 974 01:28:37,594 --> 01:28:41,064 I'm sorry we're so late. The others are just parking the car. 975 01:28:41,154 --> 01:28:43,145 I thought we'd all go with Tom. 976 01:28:43,234 --> 01:28:46,943 - Late? So late? - Yeah. It's 9.45. 977 01:28:47,034 --> 01:28:51,425 - 9.45? - Yep. 45 minutes till 'l do'. 978 01:28:51,514 --> 01:28:54,984 Oh, bloody Tom! I told him to set the alarm for eight! 979 01:28:55,074 --> 01:28:57,065 Fuck it! Fuck! 980 01:29:01,154 --> 01:29:03,873 - Scarlett. - Hi! 981 01:29:03,954 --> 01:29:07,344 - You ready? - Absolutely. Give me 20 seconds. 982 01:29:16,834 --> 01:29:18,392 - Time. - Honestly? 983 01:29:18,474 --> 01:29:19,543 Yes! Time! 984 01:29:19,634 --> 01:29:21,590 It's about ten to nine. 985 01:29:39,114 --> 01:29:41,105 Bastards. 986 01:29:43,274 --> 01:29:45,947 Jessica, stop jumping up and down, please. 987 01:29:49,394 --> 01:29:51,954 One, two, three, smile! 988 01:29:54,994 --> 01:29:59,590 - This is splendid tuck. - Yes, I think I might say a little word. 989 01:29:59,674 --> 01:30:04,270 As you know, l've been a close observer of Charles's love life for many years. 990 01:30:04,354 --> 01:30:09,189 But recently l'd started to despair and fear that really he was married to us, 991 01:30:09,274 --> 01:30:13,506 - except that we won't have his babies. - I don't know about that. 992 01:30:13,594 --> 01:30:17,064 But it's all turned out splendidly. The girl is sadly crazy, 993 01:30:17,314 --> 01:30:19,270 but perhaps that's why he loves her. 994 01:30:19,354 --> 01:30:24,109 I'd like to propose a toast to my Charlie and his beautiful girl on this tragic day. 995 01:30:24,194 --> 01:30:27,743 - So, be happy and don't forget us. - Thank you. 996 01:30:27,834 --> 01:30:31,588 - To Charles and Duckface. - Charles and Duckface! 997 01:30:37,554 --> 01:30:39,863 - What do you think? - You look divine. 998 01:30:39,954 --> 01:30:42,388 It does work, doesn't it? Yes. 999 01:30:45,314 --> 01:30:49,307 I'd like to thank Fiona for those charming words about my future wife. 1000 01:30:49,394 --> 01:30:53,433 I'd like to take this opportunity to read a message from her to you all. 1001 01:30:53,514 --> 01:30:55,152 This is exciting. 1002 01:30:55,234 --> 01:30:59,227 She says 'Any of you come near the house, l'll set the dogs on you.' 1003 01:30:59,314 --> 01:31:01,987 I think that's a nice touch. 1004 01:31:02,074 --> 01:31:03,985 Sweet! 1005 01:31:04,074 --> 01:31:06,463 'Set the dogs on you'! 1006 01:31:07,754 --> 01:31:09,904 John, hi. 1007 01:31:09,994 --> 01:31:11,950 - John, you made it. - Yes. 1008 01:31:12,034 --> 01:31:15,709 I hope me damn sister turns up. Not much of a wedding without a bride. 1009 01:31:15,794 --> 01:31:17,386 Tom! 1010 01:31:18,154 --> 01:31:20,509 Bit of a poor show you not having a stag night. 1011 01:31:20,594 --> 01:31:25,793 We did! We did... We didn't think it was a very good idea in this day and age. 1012 01:31:25,874 --> 01:31:27,865 Really? 1013 01:31:46,794 --> 01:31:49,228 Fi, you do look lovely today. 1014 01:31:49,314 --> 01:31:54,468 - I've abandoned my traditional black. - Yes, so you have. 1015 01:31:54,554 --> 01:31:57,352 From now on, I shall be all the colours of the rainbow 1016 01:31:57,434 --> 01:32:01,552 and fall in love with someone who fancies me for a change. 1017 01:32:01,634 --> 01:32:03,625 Darling Fi! 1018 01:32:10,474 --> 01:32:12,112 - Look. - What? 1019 01:32:12,194 --> 01:32:14,947 Lipstick everywhere. That won't do at all. 1020 01:32:18,194 --> 01:32:20,185 - Hi. - Hi. 1021 01:32:35,714 --> 01:32:37,705 Good luck. 1022 01:32:42,594 --> 01:32:45,028 Hello. Glad you could come. 1023 01:32:46,474 --> 01:32:48,624 Groom's on the right. Bride's on the left. 1024 01:32:52,194 --> 01:32:55,743 - Groom on the right. Bride on the left. - Oh, my God! 1025 01:32:59,834 --> 01:33:02,507 I thought you'd gone back to Texas. 1026 01:33:02,594 --> 01:33:04,664 Without you, never. 1027 01:33:08,914 --> 01:33:10,905 Good luck. 1028 01:33:14,514 --> 01:33:16,505 Bride or groom? 1029 01:33:18,674 --> 01:33:20,665 Bride or groom? 1030 01:33:20,874 --> 01:33:25,345 It should be perfectly obvious l'm neither. Great God! 1031 01:33:26,394 --> 01:33:28,988 - Bride or groom? - Bride. 1032 01:33:38,674 --> 01:33:40,710 Yes... 1033 01:33:40,794 --> 01:33:42,432 I'm fine. 1034 01:33:44,954 --> 01:33:47,309 I've a feeling we've met before. 1035 01:33:47,394 --> 01:33:50,227 We have. About 25 years ago. 1036 01:33:50,954 --> 01:33:54,344 I'm second cousin Harold's daughter Deirdre. You're Tom. 1037 01:33:54,434 --> 01:33:56,026 Good Lord! 1038 01:33:56,114 --> 01:33:58,469 - So, you're family. - Yes. 1039 01:33:59,274 --> 01:34:03,267 - Only very distant. - Well, yes, of course. 1040 01:34:04,754 --> 01:34:07,871 You said you were bride? 1041 01:34:07,954 --> 01:34:09,228 Yes. 1042 01:34:09,314 --> 01:34:11,305 Well, do sit. 1043 01:34:11,674 --> 01:34:14,063 Do sit here, Deirdre. 1044 01:34:18,234 --> 01:34:20,225 Golly! 1045 01:34:20,794 --> 01:34:22,546 Thunderbolt city. 1046 01:34:23,554 --> 01:34:25,988 - Hello, Matthew. - Nice to see you. 1047 01:34:26,074 --> 01:34:28,907 - Hello, Charles. - Bernard. How are you? 1048 01:34:28,994 --> 01:34:31,588 - Exhausted, actually. - Oh, bunny! 1049 01:34:31,674 --> 01:34:33,665 - Charles. - Hello, Lyd. 1050 01:34:39,114 --> 01:34:41,105 - Hi. - Hi. 1051 01:34:42,754 --> 01:34:46,827 You look lovely. But then I always did like you dressed for weddings. 1052 01:34:47,194 --> 01:34:50,709 - And on time. - Yeah. Extraordinary thing, isn't it? 1053 01:34:50,914 --> 01:34:55,465 - How's Hamish? - He's fine... I believe. 1054 01:34:55,554 --> 01:34:57,829 - You believe? - Well, yes. 1055 01:34:57,914 --> 01:35:00,587 He wasn't the man for me after all. 1056 01:35:03,114 --> 01:35:05,947 - You left him? - We left each other. 1057 01:35:08,714 --> 01:35:12,593 - When? - A few months now. 1058 01:35:12,674 --> 01:35:16,144 March was hell. By April, it was sordid. 1059 01:35:16,234 --> 01:35:20,193 That's the last time I marry someone three times my age. 1060 01:35:20,274 --> 01:35:22,868 Charles, time to travel. 1061 01:35:22,954 --> 01:35:24,945 Yeah. 1062 01:35:26,634 --> 01:35:28,864 Coming. Good. 1063 01:35:31,954 --> 01:35:36,505 - So why didn't you get in touch, then? - I did think about it. 1064 01:35:36,594 --> 01:35:40,667 I wanted to, but I was in a state. 1065 01:35:42,114 --> 01:35:44,867 So, anyway, I don't want to keep you. 1066 01:35:46,234 --> 01:35:48,668 And l'll see you afterwards. 1067 01:35:48,754 --> 01:35:50,506 Yeah. Fine. 1068 01:35:50,594 --> 01:35:52,585 Wait. 1069 01:35:56,914 --> 01:35:58,905 I'll show you to your seat. 1070 01:36:00,634 --> 01:36:03,023 Just showing her to her seat. 1071 01:36:15,034 --> 01:36:17,594 Our timing's been really bad, hasn't it? 1072 01:36:17,674 --> 01:36:20,108 It's been bad, yes. 1073 01:36:20,194 --> 01:36:22,389 It's been a disaster. 1074 01:36:22,474 --> 01:36:27,070 It has, as you say, been very bad indeed. 1075 01:36:31,594 --> 01:36:34,188 God, it's lovely to see you. 1076 01:36:36,314 --> 01:36:38,544 Well, good luck. 1077 01:36:38,634 --> 01:36:43,754 It's pretty easy. Just say 'l do' whenever anyone asks you a question. 1078 01:36:52,354 --> 01:36:55,073 Could you just give me a sec, Matthew? 1079 01:36:55,154 --> 01:36:58,271 Yes, of course. Freshen up at will. 1080 01:37:16,634 --> 01:37:18,625 Dear Lord, 1081 01:37:18,714 --> 01:37:24,232 forgive me for what l'm about to say 1082 01:37:24,314 --> 01:37:28,751 in this magnificent place of worship. 1083 01:37:28,834 --> 01:37:30,631 Bugger! 1084 01:37:31,874 --> 01:37:33,865 Bugger! 1085 01:37:39,994 --> 01:37:42,110 Can I help at all? 1086 01:37:42,954 --> 01:37:45,104 No. Thanks. 1087 01:37:45,194 --> 01:37:46,388 Sorry. 1088 01:37:47,634 --> 01:37:50,148 Vocal exercises. Big church. 1089 01:37:50,234 --> 01:37:52,748 Excellent. Often do the same myself. 1090 01:37:52,834 --> 01:37:57,703 Not exactly the same vocab, obviously. Rather more alleluias. 1091 01:37:57,794 --> 01:37:59,989 I'll leave you. 1092 01:38:17,274 --> 01:38:19,344 - Bride's arriving. - Fabulous! 1093 01:38:19,434 --> 01:38:21,823 We seem to have lost the groom. 1094 01:38:22,354 --> 01:38:26,267 - Stall her and l'll see if I can find him. - Roger. Wilco. 1095 01:38:33,354 --> 01:38:35,345 Charles. 1096 01:38:36,634 --> 01:38:39,023 It's good to see you. 1097 01:38:41,114 --> 01:38:43,423 Yeah. 1098 01:38:45,154 --> 01:38:48,305 Matt, what do we think about marriage? 1099 01:38:49,154 --> 01:38:52,305 Well... Gosh! 1100 01:38:52,394 --> 01:38:57,184 Well, I think it's really good, if you love the person with all your heart. 1101 01:38:58,514 --> 01:39:01,711 Well, exactly. Quite. 1102 01:39:04,994 --> 01:39:08,828 All these weddings. All these years. 1103 01:39:10,194 --> 01:39:13,311 All that blasted salmon and champagne. 1104 01:39:13,394 --> 01:39:19,310 Here I am on my own wedding day and l'm still thinking. 1105 01:39:19,994 --> 01:39:22,189 Can I ask about what? 1106 01:39:24,914 --> 01:39:26,825 No. 1107 01:39:26,914 --> 01:39:28,905 No, I think best not. 1108 01:39:29,554 --> 01:39:32,785 I'm sorry, there's a delay. A problem with the flowers. 1109 01:39:33,034 --> 01:39:34,103 Flowers? 1110 01:39:34,194 --> 01:39:38,028 There seems to be a staggeringly high proportion of hay fever sufferers 1111 01:39:38,114 --> 01:39:43,029 and they're right next to the flowers, so we're moving the congregation. 1112 01:39:43,114 --> 01:39:45,423 Don't want the vows obliterated by sneezing. 1113 01:39:45,514 --> 01:39:49,792 Charles, would it be out of place for me to say that time is ticking by? 1114 01:39:51,834 --> 01:39:53,825 What's happening? Tell me. 1115 01:39:58,274 --> 01:40:00,071 Oh, God. 1116 01:40:00,914 --> 01:40:03,792 I just saw Carrie... and she's separated. 1117 01:40:04,794 --> 01:40:07,069 Charles. It's your wedding day. 1118 01:40:14,554 --> 01:40:16,351 I've fooled them so far. 1119 01:40:16,434 --> 01:40:19,506 When people think you're stupid, they're less suspicious. 1120 01:40:19,714 --> 01:40:21,432 What's your advice? 1121 01:40:21,994 --> 01:40:24,588 You've got three choices: one - go ahead with it. 1122 01:40:26,754 --> 01:40:29,393 Two - go outside and say 'Sorry, folks, it's all off!' 1123 01:40:30,194 --> 01:40:32,150 Not tempting. Next? 1124 01:40:33,314 --> 01:40:34,986 Third... 1125 01:40:36,954 --> 01:40:38,990 I can't think of a third. 1126 01:40:41,914 --> 01:40:44,109 Hello. 1127 01:40:44,194 --> 01:40:45,786 Here you are! 1128 01:40:45,874 --> 01:40:48,024 Ready to face the enemy? 1129 01:40:49,714 --> 01:40:51,705 Are we? 1130 01:40:55,034 --> 01:40:57,025 Yes. 1131 01:40:58,354 --> 01:41:00,345 Excellent. 1132 01:41:52,434 --> 01:41:54,425 Not so tight, Dad. 1133 01:42:21,954 --> 01:42:26,311 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God 1134 01:42:26,394 --> 01:42:28,908 and in the face of this congregation 1135 01:42:28,994 --> 01:42:32,384 to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, 1136 01:42:32,474 --> 01:42:37,992 which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocence, 1137 01:42:38,074 --> 01:42:43,387 signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church 1138 01:42:43,834 --> 01:42:46,826 and therefore is not by any to be enterprised 1139 01:42:46,914 --> 01:42:50,589 nor taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, 1140 01:42:50,674 --> 01:42:53,950 but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, 1141 01:42:54,034 --> 01:42:55,513 soberly, 1142 01:42:55,594 --> 01:42:57,585 and in the fear of God. 1143 01:42:58,274 --> 01:43:00,868 Therefore, if any man can show any just cause 1144 01:43:00,954 --> 01:43:03,548 why they may not lawfully be joined together, 1145 01:43:03,634 --> 01:43:07,912 Iet him speak now or else hereafter for ever hold his peace. 1146 01:43:12,794 --> 01:43:16,309 I'm sorry. Does someone have something to say? 1147 01:43:22,074 --> 01:43:24,269 Yes? What is it? 1148 01:43:26,154 --> 01:43:27,667 One second. 1149 01:43:27,754 --> 01:43:29,267 What's going on? 1150 01:43:30,914 --> 01:43:32,984 I thought of a third option. 1151 01:43:34,474 --> 01:43:36,430 What? 1152 01:43:36,834 --> 01:43:39,428 Will you translate? 1153 01:43:39,714 --> 01:43:42,023 Translate what? 1154 01:43:42,114 --> 01:43:45,584 He wants me to translate what he's saying. 1155 01:43:45,674 --> 01:43:47,471 What is he saying? 1156 01:43:47,554 --> 01:43:49,829 I think the groom is having doubts... 1157 01:43:49,914 --> 01:43:53,145 He says 'l suspect the groom is having doubts.' 1158 01:43:53,474 --> 01:43:55,590 'l suspect the groom would like to delay.' 1159 01:43:55,914 --> 01:43:57,506 I think the groom really loves someone else. 1160 01:43:57,714 --> 01:43:59,591 That's true, isn't it, Charles? 1161 01:44:00,114 --> 01:44:01,911 'l suspect the groom...' 1162 01:44:01,994 --> 01:44:04,713 Because, Charlie - this is for the rest of your life. 1163 01:44:06,274 --> 01:44:10,187 Finally, you've got to marry the person you love with your whole heart. 1164 01:44:10,834 --> 01:44:13,064 And by the way - your flies are undone. 1165 01:44:13,594 --> 01:44:15,585 What's he saying? 1166 01:44:18,114 --> 01:44:20,423 He says 1167 01:44:20,514 --> 01:44:24,507 he suspects the groom loves someone else. 1168 01:44:26,594 --> 01:44:28,073 Do you? 1169 01:44:28,154 --> 01:44:30,907 Do you love someone else? Do you, Charles? 1170 01:44:42,194 --> 01:44:43,866 I do. 1171 01:44:49,514 --> 01:44:51,505 Get out of my way! Let me kill him! 1172 01:45:01,394 --> 01:45:03,385 Blimey! 1173 01:45:04,834 --> 01:45:07,109 At least it's one we won't forget. 1174 01:45:07,194 --> 01:45:10,072 A lot of weddings just blend into each other. 1175 01:45:10,154 --> 01:45:13,703 - For God's sake! - This one will stick out in the memory. 1176 01:45:13,794 --> 01:45:16,592 For not actually including a wedding service. 1177 01:45:16,674 --> 01:45:19,268 Poor girl. No, I mean it. Poor girl. 1178 01:45:19,354 --> 01:45:23,393 She's not my favourite person, but I think what you did today was unforgivable. 1179 01:45:23,474 --> 01:45:25,783 I can't bear to think about it. 1180 01:45:26,794 --> 01:45:28,273 Poor Hen. 1181 01:45:28,354 --> 01:45:31,744 - Though let's face facts. - I'm sorry. 1182 01:45:31,834 --> 01:45:35,543 If you weren't sure you wanted to marry her today of all days, 1183 01:45:35,634 --> 01:45:38,706 i.e., your wedding day, 1184 01:45:38,794 --> 01:45:42,230 then it must be the right decision, mustn't it? 1185 01:45:42,954 --> 01:45:43,989 Quite right. 1186 01:45:44,074 --> 01:45:48,067 It was a lovely dress. I'm sure she'll find it useful for parties. 1187 01:45:51,554 --> 01:45:55,263 - What did he say, Charles? - Says he blames himself. 1188 01:45:55,354 --> 01:45:57,948 - Absolutely not. - No, you mustn't, David. 1189 01:45:58,994 --> 01:46:01,064 They all blame you too. 1190 01:46:01,154 --> 01:46:04,544 - It's OK. - No, no. If there's music to be faced, 1191 01:46:04,634 --> 01:46:07,023 I should be facing it. 1192 01:46:15,434 --> 01:46:17,390 Hello. 1193 01:46:17,474 --> 01:46:20,432 - Hi! You're soaking. Come in. - No, l'm fine. 1194 01:46:20,514 --> 01:46:22,664 Comes a point when you can't get wetter. 1195 01:46:22,754 --> 01:46:25,587 - OK, l'll come out. - No, please don't. I... 1196 01:46:25,674 --> 01:46:28,234 I just wanted to check you're OK. 1197 01:46:28,314 --> 01:46:31,670 Not busy killing yourself or anything, but... 1198 01:46:33,114 --> 01:46:35,503 But you're fine, so... 1199 01:46:37,154 --> 01:46:40,863 I shouldn't have come to the church this morning. I'm sorry. 1200 01:46:41,594 --> 01:46:43,585 No! 1201 01:46:44,154 --> 01:46:48,432 Wait. It was all my fault. I mean, l'm the bastard here. 1202 01:46:49,914 --> 01:46:51,905 And it sorted out one thing. 1203 01:46:51,994 --> 01:46:56,192 Marriage and me were very clearly not meant for one another. 1204 01:46:56,274 --> 01:46:58,265 It sorted out another big thing, too. 1205 01:46:58,354 --> 01:47:01,232 There I was, standing there in the church, 1206 01:47:01,314 --> 01:47:04,624 and for the first time in my whole life I realised I 1207 01:47:04,714 --> 01:47:08,070 totally and utterly loved one person. 1208 01:47:08,154 --> 01:47:10,588 And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. 1209 01:47:10,674 --> 01:47:14,223 It's the person standing opposite me now 1210 01:47:16,234 --> 01:47:17,633 in the rain. 1211 01:47:17,714 --> 01:47:20,387 Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed. 1212 01:47:20,474 --> 01:47:25,070 The truth of it is, l've loved you from the first second I met you. 1213 01:47:25,994 --> 01:47:31,751 - Not going away again, are you? - No. I might drown. But otherwise, no. 1214 01:47:31,834 --> 01:47:34,302 OK. OK. We'll go in. 1215 01:47:37,274 --> 01:47:39,742 But first let me ask you one thing. 1216 01:47:41,714 --> 01:47:45,229 Do you think, after we've dried off, 1217 01:47:45,674 --> 01:47:50,065 after we've spent lots more time together, you might agree 1218 01:47:51,754 --> 01:47:54,029 not to marry me? 1219 01:47:54,114 --> 01:47:56,753 And do you think 1220 01:47:56,834 --> 01:48:01,749 not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider 1221 01:48:01,834 --> 01:48:04,302 doing for the rest of your life? 1222 01:48:08,994 --> 01:48:11,383 Do you? 1223 01:48:12,914 --> 01:48:15,109 I do. 1224 01:52:30,354 --> 01:52:33,266 Subtitles by Visiontext