1 00:01:01,610 --> 00:01:05,968 And so, in retiring as president of this college, 2 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:09,920 it is indeed a painful task to bid you all goodbye. 3 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:12,640 And now, with the utmost pleasure, 4 00:01:13,051 --> 00:01:17,647 may I present the man who is to guide the destiny of this great institution: 5 00:01:18,051 --> 00:01:22,760 Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff! 6 00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:32,365 Professor, it is an honor to welcome you to Huxley College. 7 00:01:32,771 --> 00:01:35,046 Never mind that, hold this coat. 8 00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:41,245 By the way, there's no smoking. 9 00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,641 That's what you said. 10 00:01:46,771 --> 00:01:49,524 It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away. 11 00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:54,527 The faculty can keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar. 12 00:01:55,730 --> 00:01:57,721 Members of the faculty, faculty members, 13 00:01:58,131 --> 00:01:59,927 students of Huxley and Huxley students! 14 00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:02,287 I guess that covers everything. 15 00:02:02,691 --> 00:02:04,965 I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. 16 00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:09,250 Which reminds me of a story so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself. 17 00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:14,042 As I look at your faces, I understand why this college is flat on its back. 18 00:02:14,450 --> 00:02:18,603 At my last college, it was slightly different. I was flat on my back. 19 00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:21,319 Things went from bad to worse, but we all pulled together, 20 00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:24,006 and soon I was flat on my back again. 21 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,526 Any questions? Any answers? 22 00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,842 Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? And rags... 23 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:34,243 Let's have some action around here. Who'll say 76? Who'll say 1776? 24 00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:36,800 That's the spirit! 1776! 25 00:02:37,251 --> 00:02:39,081 You'd like to know why I'm here. 26 00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,561 I came here to get my son out. 27 00:02:41,971 --> 00:02:44,769 I remember the day he left: A mere boy and a beardless youth. 28 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:49,050 I kissed them both goodbye. By the way, where is my son? 29 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:53,247 Young lady, would you get up so I can see the son rise? 30 00:02:55,610 --> 00:03:00,081 So, doing your homework in school, eh? - Hello, old-timer! 31 00:03:00,491 --> 00:03:05,519 I'm sure the students would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 32 00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:09,889 What? - I said they would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 33 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:13,487 You just said that. That's the trouble around here: Talk, talk, talk. 34 00:03:13,890 --> 00:03:17,724 I think I must go mad. Where will it all end? What is it getting you? 35 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,883 Go home to your wife. No, I'll go home to your wife. 36 00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:23,282 Outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference. 37 00:03:23,691 --> 00:03:27,479 Pull over to the side of the road and let me see your marriage licence. 38 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:30,927 President Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes... 39 00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,686 Oh, is that what I stepped in? 40 00:03:34,091 --> 00:03:38,242 At least you could have cleaned them. - The trustees have a few suggestions. 41 00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:41,848 I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions. 42 00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:46,926 "I don't know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, 43 00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:49,447 Whatever it is, I'm against it. 44 00:03:50,211 --> 00:03:55,284 No matter what it is and who commenced it, I'm against it. 45 00:03:56,691 --> 00:04:00,764 Your proposition may be good, but let's have one thing understood. 46 00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,569 I'm against it! 47 00:04:02,971 --> 00:04:07,203 And even when you've changed it or condensed it, I'm against it. 48 00:04:08,931 --> 00:04:10,649 I'm opposed to it. 49 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,200 On general principles opposed to it." 50 00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:18,440 "He's opposed to it. In fact it seems that he's opposed to it!" 51 00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:24,682 "For months before my son was born, I used to yell from night to morn: 52 00:04:25,091 --> 00:04:27,810 Whatever it is, I'm against it! 53 00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:33,000 And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 54 00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:43,324 "Knowing Dad as I do, I'd not advise you 55 00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:47,803 to displease him, or tease him. No, no! 56 00:04:48,211 --> 00:04:53,762 Don't double-cross him or toss him around. 57 00:04:54,971 --> 00:04:58,725 When dear old Dad once gets mad 58 00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:02,247 he's a hound!" 59 00:05:03,451 --> 00:05:06,045 "My son is right, I'm quick to fight, I'm from a fighting clan. 60 00:05:06,451 --> 00:05:09,807 When I'm abused or badly used, I always get my man. 61 00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:14,678 No matter if he's in Peru, Peduka or Japan, 62 00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:17,651 I go ahead, alive or dead, I always get my man." 63 00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:23,283 "He goes ahead, alive or dead, he always gets his man." 64 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,285 "I soon dispose of all of those who put me on the pan. 65 00:05:26,690 --> 00:05:30,161 As Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale: I always get my man." 66 00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:00,447 "He always gets his man!" 67 00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:03,206 "That's what I said." - "He always gets his man!" 68 00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:06,125 "That's what I mean." - "He always gets his man!" 69 00:06:06,531 --> 00:06:11,206 "You're telling me?" - "He always gets his man!" - "Oh, are you listening?" 70 00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,718 "He gets his man! He gets his man!" 71 00:06:16,130 --> 00:06:18,406 "I always get, I always get, 72 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:22,485 I always get, I always get, I always get, 73 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:28,882 I always get my man!" 74 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,928 Splendid, Professor! - Congratulations! - Thank you. 75 00:06:35,331 --> 00:06:39,642 Marvellous! - Alright scram, boys, I'll meet you in the barber shop. 76 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,043 Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son. 77 00:06:46,451 --> 00:06:51,206 My boy, you took the words out of my mouth: I'm ashamed to be your father. 78 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,603 You're a disgrace to the family name Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. 79 00:06:55,011 --> 00:06:57,764 What's this about you fooling around with the college widow? 80 00:06:58,170 --> 00:07:01,004 No wonder you've been 12 years in the same college! 81 00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:04,959 I went to 3 colleges in 12 years and fooled around with 3 widows. 82 00:07:05,370 --> 00:07:07,406 At your age I went to bed right after supper. 83 00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:11,689 Sometimes before supper. Or I went without supper, and didn't go to bed. 84 00:07:12,091 --> 00:07:15,288 A college widow stood for something in those days. She stood for plenty. 85 00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:19,081 There's nothing between me and her. - Then you're crazy to fool with her. 86 00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:22,244 But... - I don't want to talk to you about this again, you snob! 87 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,802 I'd horsewhip you, if I had a horse. You may go now. 88 00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:30,250 Leave your name with the girl outside. We'll be in touch with you. 89 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,880 Where are you going? - You just told me to go. 90 00:07:33,290 --> 00:07:36,408 That's what they teach you here? I tell you to go and you leave me? 91 00:07:36,810 --> 00:07:39,848 You know you can't leave a school-room without raising your hand. 92 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:43,367 This school has had a new president every year since 1888, 93 00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:45,523 when we won our last football game. 94 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:49,127 I like education as well as the next man... - Then let me talk to him. 95 00:07:49,531 --> 00:07:53,809 ...but besides education, this college needs a good football team. 96 00:07:54,211 --> 00:07:58,920 And for a good football team, you need good football players. - My boy, 97 00:07:59,331 --> 00:08:02,403 I think you've got something. I'll wait outside until you clean it up. 98 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:06,326 One more question: Where do you get good football players? 99 00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,483 In the speakeasy... - In a speakeasy? 100 00:08:08,891 --> 00:08:11,644 Isn't that against the law, selling football players in a speakeasy? 101 00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:15,247 Two of the best players in the country hang out there. 102 00:08:15,651 --> 00:08:19,963 You suggest that I go there, without even giving me the address? 103 00:08:20,370 --> 00:08:23,124 42, Elm Street. But you can't go there, it isn't ethical. 104 00:08:23,531 --> 00:08:26,728 It's not right for a college to buy football players. - It isn't, eh? 105 00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:31,283 Well, come on and we'll have a nip. Better still, you wait here. 106 00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:35,126 Anything further, Father? - "Anything further, Father?" That can't be right. 107 00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:38,567 Isn't it "Anything Father, further?" The idea! I married 108 00:08:38,971 --> 00:08:42,645 your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment with you! 109 00:08:44,971 --> 00:08:50,523 "And I kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 110 00:09:00,211 --> 00:09:02,884 That's my proposition. How about it? 111 00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:05,804 It's OK with us, Mr. Jennings, but 112 00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:08,678 how are you gonna fix it? - Don't worry, it's fixed already. 113 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:12,924 You'll be entered as Darwin students to play in the game against Huxley. 114 00:09:13,331 --> 00:09:17,164 Yeah, but how about the dough? - Here's a little to start with. 115 00:09:17,571 --> 00:09:20,802 You get the balance after the game. With you boys playing for Darwin, 116 00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:26,205 Huxley can't win. - You said it! - Here's to dear old Darwin. 117 00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:29,248 Alright boys, let's go. 118 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,366 Bye. - So long. 119 00:09:36,171 --> 00:09:37,159 Baravelli! 120 00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:46,759 Hello? 121 00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:51,004 Yes, lady, this is Baravelli, the ice man. What do you want? 122 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:54,767 One quart of scotch, one quart of rye. 123 00:09:55,171 --> 00:09:57,809 Hold on, I see if I got 'em. 124 00:09:59,171 --> 00:10:01,446 One quart of scotch. 125 00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:03,568 One quart of rye. 126 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,006 OK, lady, I send 'em right over. 127 00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:17,725 Hey, Baravelli! 128 00:10:23,931 --> 00:10:26,000 What do ya want? - Watch the door for a few minutes. 129 00:10:26,410 --> 00:10:28,799 And don't let anyone in without the password. 130 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,644 What is it? - Swordfish is the password, right? 131 00:10:32,051 --> 00:10:34,519 OK, I got it. - Well, what is it? - Password. 132 00:10:34,931 --> 00:10:38,400 Swordfish! Swordfish. - Alright, swordfish! 133 00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:48,001 Who are you? - I'm fine. Who are you? - I'm fine, too. You need a password. 134 00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:51,369 Well, what is the password? - Oh no, you gotta tell me. 135 00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:54,490 I tell what I do, I give you three guesses. 136 00:10:55,331 --> 00:10:59,085 It's the name of a fish. - Is it Mary? 137 00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:02,288 That's no fish! - She isn't? She drinks like one. 138 00:11:02,691 --> 00:11:04,921 Let me see. Is it sturgeon? 139 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,528 You crazy! A sturgeon, he's a doctor, cuts you open when you sick. 140 00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:11,683 You got one more chance. - I got it. Haddock. 141 00:11:12,091 --> 00:11:17,687 Funny, I gotta haddock too. - What do you take? - Sometimes calomel... 142 00:11:18,091 --> 00:11:21,447 I'd walk a mile for a calomel. - You mean chocolate calomel. Me too. 143 00:11:21,850 --> 00:11:23,727 But you no guess it. 144 00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:28,919 Hey, you no understand English? You only get in if you say swordfish. 145 00:11:29,331 --> 00:11:33,039 Now, I give you one more guess. - Swordfish... swordfish... 146 00:11:33,451 --> 00:11:37,239 I think I got it. Is it swordfish? - Ha! That's it! You guess it! 147 00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:41,648 Pretty good, eh? - Fine, you guess it... 148 00:11:43,610 --> 00:11:47,649 What do you want? - To come in. - Password? - You don't fool me! 149 00:11:48,051 --> 00:11:52,043 Swordfish. - No, I got tired of that. I changed it. 150 00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:57,009 What's the password now? - I forgot it. I better come outside. 151 00:12:09,490 --> 00:12:13,450 Buddy, can you help me out? I'd like to get a cup of coffee. 152 00:12:17,211 --> 00:12:19,201 Hey, here comes my partner. 153 00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:21,799 Hey, Pinky, 154 00:12:22,211 --> 00:12:24,121 do you know the password? 155 00:12:31,811 --> 00:12:35,599 Get up. That's no way to go into a speakeasy. That's how you come out. 156 00:13:13,211 --> 00:13:15,441 Hey, what'll you have? 157 00:13:16,130 --> 00:13:18,280 He'll take a scotch. - Right. 158 00:13:18,691 --> 00:13:22,320 I got it! Swordfish. - Go outside and see if it works. 159 00:13:50,571 --> 00:13:52,129 Cut the cards. 160 00:13:57,091 --> 00:14:01,288 Now, to business. I'm looking for two football players who hang around here. 161 00:14:01,691 --> 00:14:04,158 We hang around here... - That's all I wanna know. 162 00:14:04,571 --> 00:14:07,562 Prof. Wagstaff from Huxley College. - That means nothing to me. 163 00:14:07,971 --> 00:14:10,530 Means nothing to me, either. I'll try it over again. 164 00:14:10,931 --> 00:14:12,922 I'm Prof. Huxley from Wagstaff College. 165 00:14:13,331 --> 00:14:15,287 You didn't stay at the other one long. 166 00:14:15,691 --> 00:14:20,081 Why don't you pull yourself to pieces? - I'll talk it over with my partner. 167 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:08,850 In case I never see you again, what would you want to play football? 168 00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:12,243 First we want a football. - I don't know if we've got one. 169 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:16,086 If we had, would you be interested? No rush, you can sleep on it. 170 00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:21,245 I no think I can sleep on a football. - Who's gonna settle for these drinks? 171 00:15:22,331 --> 00:15:27,529 You're stuck. - Can you cash a check for $15.22? - Sure. 172 00:15:34,091 --> 00:15:37,241 Five, ten, fifteen and twenty-two. 173 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:42,804 As soon as I get the check, I'll send it to ya. Swordfish! 174 00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:50,322 Laura! - Good morning, Mr. Wagstaff. 175 00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:54,086 Am I too early? - No, shall I tell Miss Bailey you're here? - No, I will. 176 00:15:54,490 --> 00:15:58,086 Give me the tray. Would you open the door? 177 00:16:04,770 --> 00:16:06,442 Your breakfast, Madam. Anything else? 178 00:16:06,850 --> 00:16:10,639 Yes, put some cream in my coffee, and tell me where you've been. 179 00:16:11,051 --> 00:16:15,202 Busy arguing with Dad about you. How many? - Two. 180 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:18,966 Well, what about me? - Dad wants me to give you up. 181 00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:21,486 You're interfering with my studies. 182 00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:26,450 He must think I'm terrible. - I think you're wonderful. Beautiful. 183 00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:29,763 Are you making love to me? - Why not? 184 00:16:30,171 --> 00:16:36,326 "Everyone says I love you, the cop on the corner and the burglar, too, 185 00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:42,327 the preacher in the pulpit and the man in the pew, says I love you. 186 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:50,690 Everyone, no matter who, the folks over 80 and the kid of 2, 187 00:16:51,091 --> 00:16:56,847 the captain and the sailor and the rest of the crew, says I love you. 188 00:16:58,571 --> 00:17:02,563 There are only 8 little letters in this phrase, 189 00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:05,406 you will find, 190 00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:12,603 but they mean a lot more than all the other words combined. 191 00:17:13,010 --> 00:17:20,008 Everywhere the whole world through, the king and the peasant, too, 192 00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:26,167 The tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo, says I love you." 193 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:32,086 Get that crate out of here! You think this is a picnic? 194 00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:36,928 Blocking traffic, holding up cars... Who do you think you are? 195 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,520 You know what I'm going to do to you? 196 00:18:44,931 --> 00:18:48,890 You're a wise guy, ain't you? Let go of that club! 197 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:51,441 You see that badge? 198 00:19:38,931 --> 00:19:41,398 And I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure. 199 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:46,884 Trouble is we're neglecting football for education. - You are right. 200 00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:50,327 No, I'm wrong. I was just testing you. 201 00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:53,608 Now I know I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. 202 00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:58,209 There's too much football, and not enough education. - I think so, too. 203 00:19:58,611 --> 00:20:02,444 Wrong again! If there was a snake here I'd apologize. 204 00:20:02,851 --> 00:20:04,728 Where would the college be without football? 205 00:20:05,131 --> 00:20:07,644 Have we got a stadium? - Yes. - And a college? - Yes. 206 00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:11,487 Well, we can't support both. Start tearing down the college. 207 00:20:11,891 --> 00:20:15,087 But where will the students sleep? - Same as always. In the classroom. 208 00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:18,563 Professor, the Dean of Science wants to know when he'll see you. 209 00:20:18,971 --> 00:20:21,246 He said he's tired of cooling his heels out here. 210 00:20:21,851 --> 00:20:24,729 Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. 211 00:20:25,131 --> 00:20:27,644 Now, where were we? Oh yes. 212 00:20:29,371 --> 00:20:33,046 How much am I paying you fellas? - 5,000. But we haven't been paid. 213 00:20:33,451 --> 00:20:38,444 In that case, I'll raise it to 8,000. And a bonus, for you and your dog. 214 00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,960 The Dean's furious. He's waxing wroth! 215 00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,442 Is Wroth there, too? Tell him to wax the Dean for a while. 216 00:20:45,851 --> 00:20:48,843 Guess that's bad, eh? - One more thing, Professor. 217 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:50,808 It's about your son. 218 00:20:51,570 --> 00:20:54,846 I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies, 219 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,640 and too much to Connie Bailey. 220 00:20:58,050 --> 00:21:00,565 I'll put a stop to that. I'll call her up right now. 221 00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:05,488 Either of you weasels got her number? - No. - Good thing I have. 222 00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:11,083 Get me Maine 4-9970 and reverse the charges. 223 00:21:11,490 --> 00:21:15,450 You may go now. Drop this in the mailbox on your way out. 224 00:21:16,451 --> 00:21:20,523 Hello, I want to speak to Miss Bailey. Is this Miss Bailey? 225 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:24,127 Why, of course I know your son. 226 00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:29,763 Why, that's silly. We're just very good friends. 227 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,286 Professor, I don't understand. 228 00:21:33,691 --> 00:21:36,204 You don't? Come over to my office. 229 00:21:36,611 --> 00:21:39,886 You're in bed? In that case, I'll come to your office. 230 00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:59,568 Where are your tongs? Looks like a tong war. 231 00:22:01,050 --> 00:22:03,484 No more ice until you pay the bill. 232 00:22:03,891 --> 00:22:07,087 How much do we owe you? - $2,000. - Just for ice? 233 00:22:07,490 --> 00:22:10,210 I can get an Eskimo for $200 and make my own ice. 234 00:22:20,530 --> 00:22:25,047 I tell you what: You owe us 200. We take 2,000 and call it square. 235 00:22:25,451 --> 00:22:30,286 I'll consult my lawyer. If he tells me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer. 236 00:22:30,691 --> 00:22:34,763 Forget about the money. Go to college, and get yourself a co-ed. 237 00:22:35,171 --> 00:22:38,959 I gotta co-ed last week for $18, a co-ed with two pairs of pants. 238 00:22:39,371 --> 00:22:43,079 Since when has a co-ed two pairs of pants? - Since I joined college. 239 00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:47,006 Baravelli, you've got the brain of a 4-year-old boy. 240 00:22:47,411 --> 00:22:50,403 Now that you're a college boy, here's your hat, 241 00:22:50,810 --> 00:22:53,325 your pennant, your coat. 242 00:22:59,050 --> 00:23:02,680 Report for football practice in the morning. Now, sign this agreement. 243 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:07,049 There's nothing on this paper. - We'll fill in something later. 244 00:23:08,050 --> 00:23:12,442 Here, put your name on there. Gee, I didn't know you could write. 245 00:23:12,851 --> 00:23:15,604 Wait a minute, this isn't legal. There's no seal on it. 246 00:23:16,010 --> 00:23:19,446 Where's the seal? - Where's the seal? 247 00:23:26,971 --> 00:23:29,962 And thus we see that the function of the respiratory system 248 00:23:30,371 --> 00:23:33,363 is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream, 249 00:23:33,770 --> 00:23:35,840 which is called osmosis... 250 00:23:36,851 --> 00:23:38,886 Have they started sawing a woman in half yet? 251 00:23:39,290 --> 00:23:42,327 Mr President, what a pleasure! What brings you here? 252 00:23:42,730 --> 00:23:47,042 A bicycle, but I left it in the hall. I brought you two dunces. 253 00:23:47,451 --> 00:23:50,249 Come in, dunces. Here they are, 10 cents a dunce. 254 00:23:54,010 --> 00:23:56,444 Well, all you need now is a bowl of cherries. 255 00:23:56,851 --> 00:23:59,569 Find yourselves a couple of seats. 256 00:24:07,851 --> 00:24:10,080 Now, let us go on with our lecture. 257 00:24:10,490 --> 00:24:12,880 I wish you'd go on without your lecture. 258 00:24:13,770 --> 00:24:18,924 What do you think of that slide? - I think he was safe at second. 259 00:24:19,451 --> 00:24:21,009 Now, the circulatory system! 260 00:24:21,530 --> 00:24:23,726 Here is the liver. 261 00:24:24,131 --> 00:24:27,123 What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you. 262 00:24:27,530 --> 00:24:30,761 The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis 263 00:24:31,171 --> 00:24:33,890 You are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis. 264 00:24:34,290 --> 00:24:36,680 Sure! So roses are red, so violets are blue, 265 00:24:37,090 --> 00:24:39,047 so sugar is sweet, so so are you. 266 00:24:39,891 --> 00:24:41,801 I bet I know who it is. 267 00:24:42,211 --> 00:24:44,963 To protect the heart, or cardium, 268 00:24:45,371 --> 00:24:48,965 Mother Nature has provided a sac, called the pericardium. 269 00:24:49,371 --> 00:24:50,486 Any questions? 270 00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:53,250 Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open? 271 00:24:54,611 --> 00:24:58,923 Psychopathically, the duodenum is in inverse ratio 272 00:24:59,330 --> 00:25:01,720 to the coordination of the palyphus. 273 00:25:02,131 --> 00:25:06,646 Is this stuff on the level, or are you just making it up as you go along? 274 00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:10,248 Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest anatomy book. 275 00:25:10,651 --> 00:25:14,086 I'm sure my students will bear me out. - We'll bear you out. 276 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:21,842 Let that be a lesson to all of you. 277 00:25:22,250 --> 00:25:24,640 This school will be here long after you're gone. 278 00:25:25,050 --> 00:25:26,882 That goes for you, too. 279 00:25:37,570 --> 00:25:39,800 Leave me alone! 280 00:25:43,490 --> 00:25:46,846 Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey. 281 00:25:47,330 --> 00:25:50,003 Oh, my mistake, I thought I was a corpuscle. 282 00:25:50,411 --> 00:25:53,482 There is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. 283 00:25:53,891 --> 00:25:57,201 Now, baboons, what is a corpuscle? - That's easy. 284 00:25:57,730 --> 00:26:01,086 There's a captain, then a lieutenant, then there's a corpuscle. 285 00:26:01,691 --> 00:26:06,445 That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out. 286 00:26:07,651 --> 00:26:12,644 We now find ourselves among the Alps, simple people who eat rice and shoes. 287 00:26:13,050 --> 00:26:16,930 Beyond are more Alps, and the Lord Alps those who Alp themselves. 288 00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:20,528 The blood rushes from the head to the feet, gets a look at those feet, 289 00:26:20,931 --> 00:26:22,967 and rushes back to the head again. 290 00:26:23,371 --> 00:26:26,009 This is known as auction pinochle. 291 00:26:26,611 --> 00:26:30,523 We first listen to your hearts beat, and if your hearts beat anything 292 00:26:30,931 --> 00:26:33,968 but diamonds and clubs, your partner is cheating. Or your wife. 293 00:26:34,851 --> 00:26:37,125 Now take this point, for instance... 294 00:26:38,891 --> 00:26:41,121 That reminds me. Where's my son? 295 00:26:41,530 --> 00:26:45,000 Well, the human body takes many strange forms. 296 00:26:45,411 --> 00:26:47,208 Now, here is a most unusual organ. 297 00:26:47,611 --> 00:26:50,728 The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. 298 00:26:51,851 --> 00:26:55,126 Scientists examine rats, or your landlord who won't cut the rent. 299 00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:57,362 And what do they find? Asparagus. 300 00:26:57,851 --> 00:26:59,886 Now, on closer examination... 301 00:27:01,090 --> 00:27:03,240 This needs closer examination. 302 00:27:03,651 --> 00:27:05,323 In fact, it needs a nightgown. 303 00:27:05,730 --> 00:27:08,164 Baravelli, who did this? Is this your picture? 304 00:27:08,770 --> 00:27:10,886 It doesn't look like me. - Well, take it away 305 00:27:11,290 --> 00:27:15,170 and hang it in my bedroom. Now, who did it? 306 00:27:16,451 --> 00:27:18,327 So you're the culprit. 307 00:27:18,730 --> 00:27:21,803 Young man, you can't burn the candle at both ends. 308 00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:28,087 Well, I was wrong. I thought it was a candle. 309 00:27:28,490 --> 00:27:31,288 Well, you must be punished. You stay after school. 310 00:27:31,691 --> 00:27:33,442 But I didn't do anything. 311 00:27:33,851 --> 00:27:37,365 I know, but there's no fun keeping him after school. 312 00:27:37,891 --> 00:27:39,882 Now, we'll have no more interruptions. 313 00:27:40,611 --> 00:27:44,808 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 314 00:27:45,211 --> 00:27:46,165 phagocytes... 315 00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:54,528 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 316 00:27:54,931 --> 00:27:55,920 er, phagocytes... 317 00:28:00,770 --> 00:28:02,489 According to von... 318 00:28:02,971 --> 00:28:04,483 According to von Steinmetz... 319 00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:12,445 According to von Steinmetz, a group of white phagocytes is present. 320 00:28:14,290 --> 00:28:19,444 And they are essential to prolonging life. 321 00:28:21,290 --> 00:28:24,169 My left wing has been turned, my rear end has been cut off. 322 00:28:24,570 --> 00:28:29,086 But I'll fight it out on these lines... They got me! 323 00:28:37,131 --> 00:28:38,200 Hello. 324 00:28:38,611 --> 00:28:40,646 Oh, it's you, Frank. 325 00:28:42,290 --> 00:28:45,088 Why, of course, I'd love to have you come over. 326 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:48,085 Alright, I'll be expecting you then. 327 00:28:48,490 --> 00:28:50,446 Goodbye, darling. 328 00:28:50,851 --> 00:28:54,890 Who are you calling "darling"? - Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son. 329 00:28:55,290 --> 00:28:59,409 I didn't tell you to fall for him, just to find out about his team. 330 00:28:59,810 --> 00:29:01,801 He says Huxley will win. 331 00:29:02,211 --> 00:29:06,203 I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin, and I'm taking no chances. 332 00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:08,840 Before the game starts I'll have the Huxley signals. 333 00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:12,048 Down the hatch and on my way. 334 00:29:16,451 --> 00:29:17,247 See you later. 335 00:29:18,810 --> 00:29:20,243 Bye, dear. 336 00:29:35,611 --> 00:29:39,047 Are you still here. - I just came in. 337 00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:44,803 What do you mean, am I still here? - I mean, are you hear already? 338 00:29:45,211 --> 00:29:49,045 I shouldn't be here. The old man gave me a terrible bawling out. 339 00:29:49,451 --> 00:29:53,285 Don't worry about him, he'll never know you were here. 340 00:29:53,691 --> 00:29:57,400 How about a little drink? - Alright, I'll get you one. - Please! 341 00:30:12,651 --> 00:30:14,049 Are you Miss Bailey? 342 00:30:14,451 --> 00:30:17,886 Come, come, one of us is! - I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you? 343 00:30:18,290 --> 00:30:21,044 I'm Prof. Wagstoff. Who are you? - Miss Bailey! 344 00:30:21,451 --> 00:30:24,567 Then you are Miss Bailey. Thought you could fool me. 345 00:30:24,971 --> 00:30:26,926 You've got to give my son up. - Give him up? 346 00:30:27,330 --> 00:30:31,643 He's all I've got, apart from a picture of George Washington. 347 00:30:32,050 --> 00:30:36,488 But... - Lies! He's a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. 348 00:30:36,891 --> 00:30:39,121 I tell you you're ruining him. 349 00:30:39,931 --> 00:30:43,240 Did he tell you that you have beautiful eyes? - Why, yes. 350 00:30:43,651 --> 00:30:45,721 Told me that, too. Tells everyone! 351 00:30:46,131 --> 00:30:50,009 I could sit on your lap all day if you didn't stand up. 352 00:30:50,611 --> 00:30:53,364 Quick, get out! That door. 353 00:31:01,010 --> 00:31:03,205 I don't want any ice. 354 00:31:15,530 --> 00:31:19,808 Who was that? - The ice man. - You can't pull the wool over my ice. 355 00:31:20,810 --> 00:31:22,607 The ice man leaves me cold. 356 00:31:23,330 --> 00:31:25,241 Here you are... - So, I caught you at last. 357 00:31:25,651 --> 00:31:28,961 You are fooling around with her. Oh, the shame of it. 358 00:31:29,371 --> 00:31:33,284 A son taking a dame from his father. - Dad... - Enough, get out of here! 359 00:31:33,691 --> 00:31:38,320 I'll settle with this woman, then we'll have you to dinner. Let's go. 360 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:40,049 Follow me. 361 00:31:46,050 --> 00:31:48,804 Be a lamp in the window for my wandering boy. 362 00:31:50,730 --> 00:31:52,686 Where were we? Oh yes, I was on your lap. 363 00:31:53,090 --> 00:31:55,651 And doing pretty well, as I recall it. 364 00:31:57,611 --> 00:32:00,171 Hurry, get out! Hurry! 365 00:32:00,770 --> 00:32:04,844 And remember, stay undercover. - I've more students in the college. 366 00:32:08,290 --> 00:32:09,440 You dropped your ice. 367 00:32:09,851 --> 00:32:12,808 I don't want any ice! - Neither do I. 368 00:32:17,530 --> 00:32:19,521 Now do you want any ice? - No! 369 00:32:19,931 --> 00:32:21,967 Oh, you're beautiful. 370 00:32:25,131 --> 00:32:29,203 You're overcoming me. - Thanks for reminding me. 371 00:32:29,611 --> 00:32:32,364 I like you. You got something. 372 00:32:32,770 --> 00:32:34,965 I'm gonna tell him he's crazy. 373 00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:45,241 Professor, what are you doing here? 374 00:32:45,651 --> 00:32:47,767 Nothing, since you came in. 375 00:32:48,171 --> 00:32:51,560 You know him? - He put me on the football team. 376 00:32:51,971 --> 00:32:54,883 Now I just have to get him off the couch. 377 00:32:55,411 --> 00:32:57,402 Read any good books lately? 378 00:33:09,691 --> 00:33:12,125 This must be the main highway. 379 00:33:14,171 --> 00:33:17,641 Follow me, I've been doing this all day. 380 00:33:22,090 --> 00:33:25,685 Pretty popular place. - Yeah, a hot dog stand would clean up. 381 00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:29,845 What are you doing here? - Me? I'm the music teacher. 382 00:33:30,250 --> 00:33:32,480 Since when? - Since you came in. 383 00:33:32,891 --> 00:33:36,599 And you? - I'm the plumber. In case something goes wrong with her pipes. 384 00:33:37,010 --> 00:33:38,842 I haven't used that joke for 20 years. 385 00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:41,810 Take a deep breath and follow me. 386 00:33:53,451 --> 00:33:56,170 Cosy place we have here. 387 00:34:04,891 --> 00:34:07,358 You sing high, eh? - I have a falsetto voice. 388 00:34:07,770 --> 00:34:10,204 My last pupil, she gotta false set of teeth. 389 00:34:10,610 --> 00:34:12,646 So maybe it's better you don't sing. 390 00:34:13,050 --> 00:34:15,610 That's much better. I'll sing. 391 00:34:16,010 --> 00:34:18,126 "Everyone says I love you, 392 00:34:18,530 --> 00:34:20,760 the big mosquito when he sting you, 393 00:34:21,170 --> 00:34:25,289 the fly when he's stuck on the fly paper, too, says I love you. 394 00:34:26,610 --> 00:34:30,889 Every time the cow says "moo", she's making the bull very happy too, 395 00:34:31,291 --> 00:34:36,284 and the rooster when he holler cock-a-doodly-doo, says I love you. 396 00:34:37,010 --> 00:34:41,721 Christopher Columbo, he write the Queen of Spain a nice little note, 397 00:34:42,130 --> 00:34:47,443 he say how I love you, then he get a great big boat. He's a wise guy. 398 00:34:47,851 --> 00:34:52,686 What you think Columbo do, when he's coming here in 1492, 399 00:34:53,090 --> 00:34:58,449 He says to Pocahontas, atch-a catchy coo, which means I love you!" 400 00:34:59,331 --> 00:35:02,561 Maybe it's better I don't sing, too. - Yes. - Alright, I'll play. 401 00:35:04,090 --> 00:35:09,039 I love good music. - So do I, let's get out of here. - Sit down. 402 00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:14,849 I've got to stay here. But you folks can go into the lobby till it's over. 403 00:36:21,451 --> 00:36:25,239 Well, that's all for the first lesson. Next week I teach you how to breathe. 404 00:36:25,650 --> 00:36:27,561 Don't breathe before then. 405 00:36:28,650 --> 00:36:31,039 If this is a singing lesson, I'm a ring-tailed monkey. 406 00:36:31,451 --> 00:36:34,123 Keep your family out of it. Baravelli! - What? 407 00:36:34,530 --> 00:36:36,806 Are you going my way? - Yes. - Then I'm staying here. 408 00:36:37,210 --> 00:36:42,443 No you don't. And if I find you here again, it'll be curtains. 409 00:36:44,570 --> 00:36:46,481 Tell my son to take that lamp down. 410 00:36:56,490 --> 00:36:57,445 Dad! 411 00:36:57,851 --> 00:36:59,920 You've got the wrong football players. - The whole team? 412 00:37:00,331 --> 00:37:03,242 No, Baravelli and the dog catcher. 413 00:37:03,650 --> 00:37:06,643 But I got them in the speakeasy. - You got the wrong ones. 414 00:37:07,050 --> 00:37:10,726 The ones I told you about are playing for Darwin. - Send for Baravelli. 415 00:37:11,130 --> 00:37:14,487 Don't leave a stone unturned. He's probably under one. 416 00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:20,844 Baravelli! 417 00:37:23,650 --> 00:37:26,882 ...2671, 57, 84, 59, 71... 418 00:37:28,891 --> 00:37:32,599 What are you doing in there? - I'm practising secret signals. 419 00:37:34,570 --> 00:37:35,798 Come on out. 420 00:37:36,210 --> 00:37:39,282 What do you want? - You can fix it for our team to win. - Oh no, 421 00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:44,525 I want to play. - Alright, but listen. I want two Darwin players kidnapped. 422 00:37:44,931 --> 00:37:49,003 Have you any experience in kidnapping? - You bet. You know what I do? 423 00:37:49,411 --> 00:37:52,130 First I call them up, then I send them my chauffeur. 424 00:37:52,530 --> 00:37:54,521 What kind of a car you got? 425 00:37:54,931 --> 00:37:57,239 I no got a car, just a chauffeur. 426 00:37:57,650 --> 00:38:00,722 But when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car? 427 00:38:01,130 --> 00:38:05,806 Well, I had, but it cost too much, so I sold the car. 428 00:38:06,210 --> 00:38:08,963 I would have kept the car. 429 00:38:09,371 --> 00:38:12,885 I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning. 430 00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,168 How can he take you to work? 431 00:38:15,570 --> 00:38:17,686 He don't have to. I no gotta job. 432 00:38:18,090 --> 00:38:23,164 That's it. How much would you want to stand in front of a firing squad? 433 00:38:24,690 --> 00:38:29,719 Now just a minute, boys. I didn't come here to fight. 434 00:38:30,251 --> 00:38:33,447 You have to, I've taken my coat off. - I wanna talk to Baravelli. 435 00:38:33,851 --> 00:38:35,204 You wouldn't mind stepping out? 436 00:38:36,090 --> 00:38:38,240 I'd love to, but I have to see the girl first. 437 00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:42,610 I've got a proposition. - Watch out, he's nearly as crooked as you. 438 00:38:43,451 --> 00:38:45,043 Let's go in here. 439 00:38:49,971 --> 00:38:52,565 I want you to do something for me. - I'm busy. 440 00:38:52,971 --> 00:38:56,360 We gotta kidnap a couple of players from the Darwin team. 441 00:38:56,771 --> 00:38:59,728 Is that so? You don't mean McHardie and Mullen? 442 00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:03,567 Sounds like it. But the fellas I mean are Mullen and McHardie. 443 00:39:03,971 --> 00:39:08,487 Let me give you a tip. The boys live at 39 Hanley Street. 444 00:39:08,891 --> 00:39:11,882 Thanks! - Now, I want you to do something for me. 445 00:39:12,291 --> 00:39:14,485 What do you want? - Listen, 446 00:39:14,891 --> 00:39:18,485 give me the signals, and this 500 bucks is yours. 447 00:39:18,891 --> 00:39:19,880 Alright. 448 00:39:20,851 --> 00:39:22,762 Here's the signals. 449 00:39:24,570 --> 00:39:27,164 Want a minute, these are Darwin's signals. 450 00:39:27,570 --> 00:39:30,039 You think I'd give you 500 dollars for Darwin's signals? 451 00:39:30,451 --> 00:39:33,887 They cost me 200. I gotta make a little profit. 452 00:42:52,891 --> 00:42:55,563 Listen, you gotta get busy and get those football signals. 453 00:42:55,971 --> 00:43:00,760 I thought you were going to get them. - I wouldn't be asking you then. 454 00:43:01,170 --> 00:43:05,322 You just have to get to the professor. He's got the Huxley signals. 455 00:43:05,731 --> 00:43:08,528 And I'm depending on you to get them. 456 00:43:08,931 --> 00:43:12,367 Yes, but how? - You know how. 457 00:43:12,771 --> 00:43:15,204 Romance him, baby, romance him. 458 00:43:15,610 --> 00:43:19,967 And remember, all you're to get is the football signals. 459 00:43:35,210 --> 00:43:38,407 "Everyone says I love you, 460 00:43:38,811 --> 00:43:42,440 but just what they say it for, I never knew, 461 00:43:42,851 --> 00:43:49,244 it's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you. 462 00:43:51,490 --> 00:43:55,005 Take a pair of rabbits who 463 00:43:55,411 --> 00:43:59,164 get stuck on each other and begin to woo, 464 00:43:59,570 --> 00:44:06,806 and pretty soon you find a million more rabbits who say I love you. 465 00:44:08,130 --> 00:44:16,083 When a lion gets feeling frisky and begins to roar, 466 00:44:16,490 --> 00:44:24,284 there's another lion who knows just what he's roaring for. 467 00:44:24,690 --> 00:44:32,324 Everything that ever grew, the goose and the gander and the gosling too, 468 00:44:32,731 --> 00:44:37,599 the duck upon the water, when he feels that way too, says..." 469 00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:41,771 That's a wise quack. You keep your bill out of this. 470 00:44:42,170 --> 00:44:45,128 How would you like it if I butted into your affairs? 471 00:44:51,610 --> 00:44:54,807 This is my first time in a canoe since I saw "The American Tragedy." 472 00:44:55,210 --> 00:44:57,963 You're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat. 473 00:44:58,371 --> 00:45:01,487 I was going to get a flat bottom, but the boat girl didn't have one. 474 00:45:02,050 --> 00:45:07,250 I could go on like this drifting and dreaming for ever. 475 00:45:07,650 --> 00:45:09,800 What a day. Spring in the air! 476 00:45:10,210 --> 00:45:12,929 Who, me? And fall in the lake? 477 00:45:13,331 --> 00:45:15,525 Professor, you're full of whimsy. 478 00:45:15,931 --> 00:45:20,481 Can you tell from there? I'm always like that after radishes. 479 00:45:24,811 --> 00:45:27,961 Is that important? - Is it important? 480 00:45:28,650 --> 00:45:30,527 Those are the football signals. 481 00:45:31,210 --> 00:45:33,405 I've got a duplicate in my pocket. 482 00:45:33,811 --> 00:45:37,644 I always carry two of everything. This is my first date with one woman. 483 00:45:38,050 --> 00:45:40,769 You mean you take two girls out every time? 484 00:45:41,170 --> 00:45:44,367 I hate to see a girl walk home alone. 485 00:45:44,771 --> 00:45:48,286 You know, Professor, I've never seen football signals. 486 00:45:48,690 --> 00:45:52,081 You think a little girl like me could understand them? 487 00:45:52,490 --> 00:45:55,050 I think you could understand anything. 488 00:45:55,451 --> 00:45:58,284 Is the big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby 489 00:45:58,690 --> 00:46:01,443 all about the bad football signals? 490 00:46:02,451 --> 00:46:06,284 Was that you or the duck? If it was you, I'm with the duck. 491 00:46:06,690 --> 00:46:09,364 If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, 492 00:46:09,771 --> 00:46:11,806 icky baby gonna cry. 493 00:46:12,210 --> 00:46:13,882 If icky girl keep talking that way, 494 00:46:14,291 --> 00:46:18,364 big stwong man gonna kick all her teef in. 495 00:46:18,771 --> 00:46:20,762 Naughty man is only fooling! 496 00:46:21,170 --> 00:46:23,605 Just for that I'm coming over 497 00:46:24,010 --> 00:46:28,128 to smother him in kisses. - You couldn't make that onions? 498 00:46:30,731 --> 00:46:33,449 Oh, so that's your game. 499 00:46:35,731 --> 00:46:38,608 Professor Wagstaff! 500 00:46:39,010 --> 00:46:42,481 Just call me Quincy. And later you can call me Quince. 501 00:46:42,891 --> 00:46:45,768 Throw me the lifesaver! 502 00:46:46,650 --> 00:46:49,164 Please hurry, Professor. 503 00:46:57,050 --> 00:46:58,927 39. This is it! 504 00:47:05,891 --> 00:47:08,802 Hello. Yeah, this is McHardie. 505 00:47:10,530 --> 00:47:12,362 So they're coming right over? 506 00:47:12,771 --> 00:47:15,079 OK, we'll take care of them. 507 00:47:15,811 --> 00:47:20,043 Jennings says Baravelli and the dog catcher are coming to kidnap us 508 00:47:20,451 --> 00:47:22,806 to keep us out of the game. 509 00:47:27,130 --> 00:47:30,043 This is the place. Now how we gonna catch 'em? 510 00:47:30,650 --> 00:47:33,449 No, that's for flies. Baseball players catch flies. 511 00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:36,523 We look for football players. You bring the tools? 512 00:47:36,931 --> 00:47:40,684 You got the shovel, the axe and the pick? Where's the pick? 513 00:47:41,291 --> 00:47:43,804 No, that's no pick. That's a hog. 514 00:47:44,210 --> 00:47:46,360 Don't you know what a hog is? 515 00:47:46,771 --> 00:47:50,365 Oh, come on, let's get busy. We gotta kidnap those players. 516 00:47:53,451 --> 00:47:55,009 Mullen und McHardie? 517 00:47:55,411 --> 00:47:58,527 That's us. What can we do for you? - You got a brother? 518 00:47:58,931 --> 00:48:01,398 No. - You got a sister? - Yeah. 519 00:48:01,811 --> 00:48:04,244 She's a very sick man. You better come with us. 520 00:48:04,811 --> 00:48:06,880 What happened to her? 521 00:48:07,291 --> 00:48:08,963 She crash her automobile. 522 00:48:09,371 --> 00:48:13,409 She has no automobile. - Then she fell off a horse. We drive you there. 523 00:48:13,811 --> 00:48:16,722 You will? I have no sister. 524 00:48:17,130 --> 00:48:20,282 That's alright. We gotta no car. Come on. 525 00:48:20,690 --> 00:48:23,364 You think you're gonna take us for a ride? 526 00:48:23,771 --> 00:48:26,603 This is gonna take a long time. 527 00:48:28,610 --> 00:48:30,601 Try one at a time. 528 00:48:36,411 --> 00:48:38,242 Odin't work, eh? 529 00:48:39,251 --> 00:48:40,842 Get tough. 530 00:48:42,771 --> 00:48:44,726 Get tough with the other one. 531 00:48:46,610 --> 00:48:48,442 Get tough with both of them. 532 00:48:48,891 --> 00:48:50,369 Tougher! 533 00:49:02,130 --> 00:49:04,884 Now you're getting someplace. 534 00:49:10,050 --> 00:49:12,326 You better think of something else. 535 00:49:16,610 --> 00:49:19,170 I'm exhausted, too. 536 00:49:20,130 --> 00:49:23,009 Maybe you fellas got an idea? - I'll say we do. 537 00:49:23,451 --> 00:49:25,442 Where's that rope, Ed? 538 00:49:26,291 --> 00:49:27,280 Get 'em, Ed! 539 00:49:38,170 --> 00:49:41,208 Hey guys, we'll let you know how the game comes out. 540 00:49:42,931 --> 00:49:44,967 Now they've kidnapped us! 541 00:49:45,371 --> 00:49:48,362 That's a fix-a fine we're in. How we gonna get out? 542 00:49:48,771 --> 00:49:51,045 I got an idea. You got a rope? 543 00:49:52,931 --> 00:49:56,128 That's fine. Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 544 00:49:56,530 --> 00:49:59,364 Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 545 00:50:01,771 --> 00:50:03,123 Hey! 546 00:50:03,971 --> 00:50:07,088 What you do? You no tie on the bed. 547 00:50:07,490 --> 00:50:09,641 No, I mean a-tie the rope. 548 00:50:10,050 --> 00:50:12,041 Now what you gonna do? 549 00:50:16,251 --> 00:50:19,686 You crazy! That's a-no good. How we gonna get out? 550 00:50:21,650 --> 00:50:23,880 You wanna break-a my neck? 551 00:50:26,090 --> 00:50:29,800 Don't worry, Mr. Jennings, everything's working out fine. 552 00:50:30,210 --> 00:50:34,443 Alright. That game's in the bag. See ya later. 553 00:50:36,570 --> 00:50:40,041 Wonder what the two mugs are doing up there? 554 00:51:13,010 --> 00:51:17,527 Our little playmates, just in time for a cup of tea. 555 00:51:17,931 --> 00:51:22,846 We got no cups. See ya after the game. Come on, Pinky. - No yuh don't! 556 00:51:24,771 --> 00:51:29,481 Take off your coat. Come on. Off with your shirt. 557 00:51:29,891 --> 00:51:31,688 Quit stallin'. 558 00:51:32,130 --> 00:51:34,963 Now take off your pants. - I got a date, nothing doing. 559 00:51:52,530 --> 00:51:53,724 You too! 560 00:51:54,291 --> 00:51:56,646 Take that coat off. 561 00:51:58,451 --> 00:52:02,284 Stand over there, you. Come on, Ed, let's take their clothes. 562 00:52:08,130 --> 00:52:08,927 So, 563 00:52:09,331 --> 00:52:12,527 if you boys'll excuse us, we'll run along and play football. 564 00:52:12,931 --> 00:52:16,764 Tune in on the radio if you want to know how the game's going. 565 00:52:19,210 --> 00:52:22,282 I'll send my sister over to keep you company. 566 00:52:27,090 --> 00:52:29,286 Gee, I guess it's locked. 567 00:52:50,090 --> 00:52:51,603 Boy, what a pretty play. 568 00:52:52,010 --> 00:52:55,686 Darwin's just got a fourth touchdown and the crowd is going wild. 569 00:52:56,090 --> 00:52:58,969 There seems to be no stopping Mullen and McHardie. 570 00:52:59,371 --> 00:53:01,282 Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, 571 00:53:01,690 --> 00:53:05,047 and what a lacing the Huxley team is getting. 572 00:53:10,811 --> 00:53:13,085 HcHardie has the ball and he's breaking through. 573 00:53:23,130 --> 00:53:25,360 I guess we made a grand slam. 574 00:54:00,130 --> 00:54:01,768 Pinky, hurry up. 575 00:54:02,170 --> 00:54:05,322 Come on, we still got time to play. 576 00:54:09,731 --> 00:54:13,405 Fine kidnappers you are. The fellas you kidnapped were here before you. 577 00:54:13,811 --> 00:54:16,722 Look: 12 to nothing. Fat lot you care. 578 00:54:17,130 --> 00:54:21,123 Know what it means if Huxley loses? Shame, disgrace, humiliation! 579 00:54:21,530 --> 00:54:24,728 And you're crazy if you don't play the ace. Come on, fight! 580 00:54:25,570 --> 00:54:28,483 No, no, no, no! Get in that game! 581 00:54:31,291 --> 00:54:33,282 Listen, you butter-fingered milksops! 582 00:54:33,690 --> 00:54:37,525 The way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girls' basketball team. 583 00:54:37,931 --> 00:54:41,128 We're going to have to use our star play No. 37, 584 00:54:41,530 --> 00:54:45,045 where the quarterback makes a lateral pass to the right guard... 585 00:54:45,451 --> 00:54:48,487 Dad! - Wait a minute! Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of... 586 00:54:48,891 --> 00:54:51,324 Dad! - What do you want? - You're talking to the wrong team. 587 00:54:51,731 --> 00:54:55,041 I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me. 588 00:54:57,811 --> 00:55:02,123 Which way you going? - Out there. - Drop me off at the 40-yard line. 589 00:55:06,731 --> 00:55:08,402 Where's your number? 590 00:55:13,650 --> 00:55:18,519 Boy, play like you did last time. I bet five dollars on the other team. 591 00:55:34,251 --> 00:55:36,242 Ready? - OK. 592 00:55:36,650 --> 00:55:38,050 Let's go! 593 00:55:45,851 --> 00:55:47,523 Here comes Prof. Wagstaff. 594 00:55:47,931 --> 00:55:49,762 Will you say something? - I will if you get up. 595 00:55:50,170 --> 00:55:53,958 Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game. 596 00:55:54,371 --> 00:55:58,443 Some football game. I wish you were here. Instead of me. 597 00:55:58,851 --> 00:56:02,081 Last week, I told you Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. 598 00:56:02,490 --> 00:56:06,563 Last night Mrs Moskowitz had twins. OK, Mr. Moskowitz! 599 00:56:08,010 --> 00:56:10,240 Thank you, Professor. - It was nothing at all. 600 00:56:20,570 --> 00:56:23,210 The boys are back in the field, they're lined up, 601 00:56:23,610 --> 00:56:25,442 Huxley is about to kick off, 602 00:56:25,851 --> 00:56:27,728 and there they go! 603 00:56:44,650 --> 00:56:45,719 Pardon me. 604 00:56:59,251 --> 00:57:02,208 That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat. 605 00:57:12,570 --> 00:57:16,449 Hey, you wanna get hurt? We're gonna throw a forward pass. 606 00:57:16,851 --> 00:57:22,847 Signal: 18, 72, forward pass, eenie, meenie, miney, mo. 607 00:57:28,090 --> 00:57:30,559 Pinky, what are you doing here? 608 00:57:33,210 --> 00:57:36,248 That tackle will cost you 15 yards. 609 00:57:36,650 --> 00:57:39,722 You're supposed to tackle the man with the ball, understand? 610 00:57:44,570 --> 00:57:46,527 Hey, idiot, where's that ball? 611 00:57:46,931 --> 00:57:50,161 Look, he's got the mumps. - Give me that ball. 612 00:57:50,570 --> 00:57:51,844 Give me it. 613 00:58:03,331 --> 00:58:07,960 Ain't deaf over there. - Signal: 18, 42, 56 and run. Hup! 614 00:58:13,971 --> 00:58:15,369 Bring that back! 615 00:58:37,010 --> 00:58:40,481 Signal: 85, 29, 78. Hup! 616 00:58:51,490 --> 00:58:53,322 Come on, boys. 617 00:58:54,490 --> 00:58:58,085 Jumping anaconda! Is there a doctor in the stands? 618 00:58:58,490 --> 00:59:01,880 Yes, I'm a doctor. - How do you like the game, doc? 619 00:59:10,210 --> 00:59:12,599 Come back for me in five minutes. 620 00:59:16,411 --> 00:59:20,244 Fancy seeing you here. It's a small world after all. 621 00:59:29,251 --> 00:59:31,081 Why weren't you in the last scrimmage? 622 00:59:31,490 --> 00:59:34,563 I'm sitting this one out. - What are you doing with that cigar? 623 00:59:34,971 --> 00:59:38,759 You know another way to smoke it? - Get on your feet. 624 00:59:40,530 --> 00:59:43,603 Don't look now, but I think I see the chemistry prof. 625 00:59:44,010 --> 00:59:46,047 Up there with the janitor's wife. 626 00:59:47,411 --> 00:59:49,208 Here, have a cigar. 627 00:59:52,811 --> 00:59:53,606 Signal. 628 00:59:54,010 --> 00:59:57,639 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Professor Wagstaff gets the ball. 629 01:00:12,411 --> 01:00:14,322 Have you got it, boys? - OK! 630 01:00:18,210 --> 01:00:20,166 Hey, bring that ball in here. 631 01:00:33,451 --> 01:00:35,009 There goes the ball. 632 01:00:40,530 --> 01:00:42,998 Go on, Pinky. Make a home run. 633 01:00:51,130 --> 01:00:56,523 Gee, Pinky, you made a touchdown. Are you tired? That's marvellous. 634 01:01:22,411 --> 01:01:25,925 I forgot your phone number. - Where's that ball? 635 01:01:28,451 --> 01:01:29,929 Here it is. Come on, 636 01:01:30,331 --> 01:01:33,050 get off that ball. You're holding up the game. 637 01:01:41,090 --> 01:01:46,403 Signal: Uno, duo, tre, vendi, this-a time we go left endi. 638 01:02:01,891 --> 01:02:03,643 Nice work, Pinky. 639 01:02:09,771 --> 01:02:12,523 Signal: Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, 640 01:02:12,931 --> 01:02:16,003 this time I think we go through the middle. 641 01:02:27,210 --> 01:02:29,041 Hey, you're running the wrong way. 642 01:02:58,610 --> 01:03:05,641 We are gathered together here to join this man and this woman in matrimony. 643 01:03:06,050 --> 01:03:10,362 Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? - I do.