{100}{200}Ripped by Bosman (ICQ 19678111)
{821}{932}Long ago the Duke of Milan|commissioned a little-known artist -
{936}{1051}- to erect a mammoth statue|of a horse.
{1077}{1209}The time was 1481.|The artist was Leonardo da Vinci.
{1214}{1313}The guy on the donkey|is just a guy on a donkey.
{1318}{1427}Anyway, they called|this statue the Sforza.
{1432}{1539}And it was gonna be the largest|bronze statue ever built.
{1559}{1697}But wouldn't you know it, war|broke out and bronze became scarce.
{1701}{1868}So da Vinci created a machine|to change common lead into bronze.
{1873}{1967}But when da Vinci|finally turned this machine on, -
{1972}{2094}- it was to give him|something more than he expected ...
{2117}{2288}- Something much more than bronze.|- Leonardo, what are you doing?
{5428}{5514}Gold!
{5545}{5633}Bring the crystal.
{7288}{7395}Maestro, come quickly.
{7598}{7659}Hello.
{7743}{7836}Very nice.
{7841}{7950}I don't think this is a good idea.
{7954}{8038}- Ready.|- Good! Let's see it work.
{8043}{8127}No! Wait!
{9015}{9234}Exactly 500 years later, an artist|in the field of cat burglary -
{9239}{9338}- was getting out of Sing Sing.
{9343}{9434}He was known as the Hudson Hawk.
{9439}{9569}Got a coat. Hat.|Here's your personal items.
{9574}{9669}Here's your wallet.|Everything's in there.
{9674}{9763}- Don't you want your receipt?|- Keep it.
{9768}{9854}I've got it, Charlie ... Eddie!
{9858}{9988}So the Hudson Hawk is getting out.|Remember your capture?
{9992}{10091}"The world's greatest cat burglar."|Now who gives a fuck?
{10095}{10192}- I've got a proposition for you.|- No.
{10196}{10295}As your parole officer,|I've found you a job.
{10300}{10401}An auction house.|One night's work and you're free.
{10406}{10556}- No community service.|- I want to do community service.
{10561}{10693}- I ain't stealing no more, Gates.|- You still impress yourself.
{10697}{10831}- But guys like you are extinct.|- That's good coming from you.
{10836}{10953}Aren't you supposed to stop me|from committing crimes?
{10958}{11086}I can set you up and send you|back here any time I want.
{11090}{11224}It's a very fine line between|ex-con and escaped con.
{11247}{11333}Hey, Gates ... do it yourself.
{11338}{11443}He's got my keys!|I'll be seeing you, Hawk.
{11594}{11672}Open the gate.
{11764}{11846}See you around, Mike.
{12211}{12320}That's the first thing I did.|Taste the freedom.
{12325}{12479}- So, Eddie, did I miss anything?|- As always, your timing is perfect.
{12537}{12671}Where's the kiss?|No tongue this time, I promise.
{12675}{12778}- What?|- You've been expanding ...
{12783}{12888}Don't say it!|I'm very sensitive about my figure.
{12892}{13016}I was going to say consciousness ...|Tubbo.
{13231}{13392}Now you're out, what do you|want to do? Entertain some ladies?
{13396}{13507}Play Nintendo?|Bone some chicks?
{13512}{13627}What's Nintendo?|Just get me to the Five Tone, Tommy.
{13632}{13809}- I've got to get a cappuccino.|- You still like those fag coffees.
{13813}{13932}- Who's your buddy?|- The man knows!
{13937}{14044}- Did you have any trouble leaving?|- Not much.
{14049}{14135}Gates just tried to blackmail me|into doing a job.
{14140}{14251}That rat bastard!
{14255}{14378}- It had the perfect amount of foam.|- Let's get to the bar.
{14384}{14526}- Rob an auction house?|- Yes. Are you going deaf?
{14531}{14671}- I'm not going deaf.|- Just get me into Five Tone.
{14676}{14795}Don't make fun of my hearing.|You're going to love the bar.
{14800}{14924}The Five Tone Bar and Grill.|At least one thing will never ...
{14943}{15042}A couple of brokers stopped in|for spritzers one night.
{15047}{15212}Now we're a nice local bar|that none of the locals can afford.
{15216}{15306}- Where's all the regulars?|- Gone.
{15311}{15451}Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph?|And Captain Bob's steering wheel?
{15456}{15592}Gone. But look at the bright side,|half this joint is yours.
{15596}{15757}Give my partner a cappuccino.|I've got to go be a boss.
{15762}{15813}Goat-cheese pizza?
{15887}{15959}Thank you, Jesus!
{16487}{16613}Cute shot, Antony.|Cesar Mario. Antony Mario.
{16618}{16743}- The circus clowns.|- Why not do the auction house?
{16748}{16851}I don't like to commit a crime|24 hours after leaving the joint.
{16855}{16999}It's very simple. The safe's on the|7th floor. Put the stuff in here.
{17003}{17145}- Easy. Your brother could do it.|- Yeah, I could ...
{17149}{17269}Hawk, you're the best.|Only you can do this job.
{17274}{17371}Don't tell me|you want to go straight.
{17375}{17493}If the Mario brothers weren't|a tough New Jersey crime family, -
{17498}{17632}- I'd say kiss my ass.|You can just slurp my butt.
{17637}{17800}- Wine for you lovely ladies?|- Beat it, Tommy.
{17804}{17884}Enough!
{17908}{18034}You don't do that auction house job,|I'm going to put you on trial.
{18039}{18148}And there'll be no bailiff.|Understand?
{18152}{18236}Get him out of here.
{18606}{18808}- "Witchcraft" ... "Night and Day".|- Sinatra. 5 minutes, 12 seconds.
{18812}{18899}- "Hit the Road, Jack."|- Where are my pliers?
{18904}{19034}- Check the bar.|- 5 minutes, 15 seconds.
{19066}{19163}How could you take down|Captain Bob's steering wheel?
{19167}{19303}Don't you remember the night|he came in with this thing?
{19308}{19417}Come here. We've got a nasty|little safe on the 7th floor.
{19422}{19537}- Simpson? What's the mechanism?|- 71 .
{19542}{19676}The last time I went to bat,|Simpson only made a 40.
{19681}{19815}But I'm not worried about the safe,|it's the guards.
{19820}{19929}- And the video surveillance.|- I have a plan.
{19933}{20061}- It's a great plan.|- What the hell am I doing?
{20094}{20230}I'm getting ready to rob|some horse with you.
{20234}{20352}I should be looking|in the want ads for a job.
{20357}{20458}We're moving too fast.|I'm putting out fire with kerosene.
{20481}{20569}- What's that?|- 5 seconds. My record's 18.
{20574}{20712}You think this|is some kind of fucking joke.
{21056}{21165}How many seconds ...|on the thumb cuffs?
{21169}{21276}Not counting the bitching|and whining, I'll say eight.
{21280}{21447}- They will make you do this job.|- There goes my rehabilitation.
{21452}{21572}- You think you've still got it?|- Yes ... that's what I'm afraid of.
{21598}{21746}- "l Only Have Eyes for You."|- I didn't know you cared.
{21751}{21846}- 3 minutes, 22 seconds.|- "Xanadu."
{21851}{21972}- 4 minutes, 19 seconds.|- "Star Spangled Banner."
{21977}{22098}- Hi ... 7 minutes, 17 seconds.|- You're full of shit!
{22103}{22249}- I should be out getting laid.|- Come on, it's showtime.
{22282}{22381}This sign says|no horseplay in the pool area.
{22386}{22472}This isn't horseplay,|it's a major felony.
{23212}{23288}Come on, Grandpa.
{23346}{23440}Give me one good reason|why we're up here.
{23445}{23552}I can give you two:|Antony Mario and Cesar Mario.
{23557}{23656}They'll cut off our balls|if we don't do the job.
{23661}{23768}Have you had dinner tonight?|This rope only holds 900 pounds.
{23772}{23873}- Stop fooling around!|- I'm not fooling around.
{23877}{23964}- Pick me up!|- All right.
{23969}{24057}I wish you'd lay off the pasta.
{24195}{24269}What are you doing?
{24273}{24401}Covering our tracks.|We leave through the basement.
{24635}{24711}- What?|- I'd better make a bigger hole.
{24715}{24828}Don't worry, I'm wearing my girdle.
{25483}{25586}673 Wongs in the phone book.
{25591}{25704}That's a lot of Wong numbers.|Look up Chin.
{26066}{26148}- Have you got a key?|- No.
{26152}{26214}Just checking.
{26685}{26796}- They record everything here.|- I can see that.
{26800}{26884}I thought you said you had a plan.
{26888}{27012}Jerry, check out Big Stan.
{27064}{27132}Watch this.
{27205}{27273}Big Stan!
{27328}{27437}We'll rewind and replay.|The guards will be watching a rerun.
{27441}{27579}- They'll miss tonight's episode.|- Good plan, junior.
{27584}{27730}- We've got about five minutes.|- 5:32. "Swingin' on a Star."
{27734}{27860}They invented something while you|were inside. It's called a watch.
{27932}{28006}One, two ...
{30990}{31107}- You got the horse head?|- I just got out of jail.
{31162}{31271}I don't get it.|There's that little blue chair.
{31275}{31364}- All I wanted was a cappuccino.|- Snap out of it!
{31369}{31470}- Check out screen two.|- Hey, that's us.
{31474}{31532}The recorders!
{31537}{31634}- I hold you responsible.|- Let's take it home!
{32127}{32250}- Take the back way.|- Keep those ideas coming.
{32332}{32391}Come on!
{32429}{32561}- Go! Go!|- Come on.
{32589}{32661}I'm glad we covered our tracks!
{32753}{32835}I'm not as fat as that guard, am l?
{32840}{32914}You're slender compared to him.
{32976}{33033}Come on, Slim Jim.
{33319}{33436}- Hawk gets the chair of honor!|- Good job. Not pretty, but good.
{33440}{33541}All this trouble for a horse.
{33546}{33664}I may not know art,|but I know what I like.
{33669}{33801}When is this Buckingham Palace|motherfucker getting here?
{33805}{33897}Any minute now, Mr. Gates.
{34002}{34101}- Sorry, Jeeves.|- May l?
{34137}{34279}Exquisite! Leonardo da Vinci's last|commission for the Duke of Milan.
{34323}{34434}- Irreplaceable.|- Hey, Mr. French ...
{34528}{34592}Yes!
{34596}{34713}I stuck my neck out|getting this for you Limey bastards.
{34717}{34789}Where's my cut?
{34970}{35052}So much for his cut.
{35056}{35130}Forgive my dry British humor.
{35135}{35236}I think Gates|promised Hawk a cut, too.
{35415}{35524}- Are you taking the Concorde back?|- Always.
{35528}{35635}I collect the frequent-flyer points.
{35675}{35749}Ta-ta, Hudson Hawk.
{35800}{35894}- Yo, Five-Tone.|- Did I miss anything?
{35899}{36053}You always ask me that.|Gates just got himself killed.
{36058}{36182}I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at|the Ford Theatre and asked her that.
{36304}{36419}- You should get this looked at.|- Gates was killed?
{36424}{36582}The Butler did it. He took Mr. Ed|and busted it over Gates' head.
{36587}{36694}He said it was made|by Leonardo da Vinci.
{36698}{36851}I consider it to be the prize|of tonight's equestrian auction.
{36856}{36959}- Horse things.|- All right, Mr. PBS, you got me.
{36963}{37072}Morning edition. It says|two thieves attempted to steal it.
{37077}{37153}But three brave guards saved it.
{37157}{37277}Attempted? I didn't want|to steal it, but I do have my pride.
{37282}{37371}- I don't understand.|- Forget it.
{37376}{37462}I'm tired of this.|Cops, mafia, butlers ...
{37466}{37583}Stealing things that aren't stolen.|It's all too goddamn peculiar.
{37622}{37694}How much does a new tuxedo cost?
{37699}{37903}A fine example of Florentine bronze.|Who will start at $140,000?
{37907}{37981}140,000 ... 160,000 ...
{38065}{38230}200 ... 20 ... 40 ...
{38308}{38386}250,000!
{38390}{38505}250,000 ... 60 ... 70 ... 80 ...
{38533}{38648}90 ... 300,000 ... 310 ...|Sold!
{38675}{38807}After all these years, I still get|goose bumps at these auctions.
{38812}{38927}The paintings, the sculptures ...|and other things.
{38931}{39094}Pretentious vultures who never|even look at what they're buying.
{39098}{39213}- Auctions are disgusting.|- I couldn't agree more. Savages!
{39229}{39299}Lot 15 ...
{39303}{39412}An equestrian piece attributed|to the Cellini school.
{39417}{39555}Who will start at $250,000?
{39559}{39717}280,000. Thank you, sir.|320 ... 340 ...
{39749}{39928}No more on 340,000?|Sold once, twice ... Sold!
{39932}{40027}And finally, lot number 17.
{40032}{40160}Thought to be lost in the war ...|and again last night.
{40178}{40326}The da Vinci Sforza.|The jewel of the sale. Fantastic.
{40331}{40449}Is looking like a constipated|warthog part of the job here?
{40454}{40547}... Dr. Anna Baralgi of the Vatican.
{40552}{40670}Some of us warthogs|are more constipated than others.
{41256}{41394}Perfection! The Vatican extends|its jealousy to the lucky bidder.
{41399}{41537}Thank you, Doctor.|We'll begin at $20 million.
{41541}{41650}- Thank you, sir. 20.5 ...|- Waldo!
{41654}{41714}100 million clams!
{41719}{41843}$100 million|to Mr. Darwin Mayflower.
{41906}{42044}100 million and one, Waldo!
{42048}{42159}Fantastic!|$100 million and one.
{42163}{42318}- Outbid by mine own wench!|- Don't hate me, baby.
{42429}{42540}Any other bids? Going once ...
{42673}{42757}Going twice ...
{42832}{42904}Gone!
{43446}{43555}- You didn't have to do that.|- It was nothing.
{43560}{43667}No, you didn't have to tackle me|and rip my dress.
{43671}{43753}Just kidding. Thanks for saving me.
{43757}{43862}- Why was that guard chasing you?|- Because danger is my middle ...
{44208}{44375}- Why couldn't you just play along?|- Classy way of covering our tracks.
{44379}{44480}That auctioneer ought to be landing|at La Guardia soon.
{44485}{44571}Subtlety is not one|of our strong points.
{44820}{44890}Get the fuck out!
{45157}{45221}Menthol!
{45264}{45350}This is a brand new tuxedo.
{45355}{45456}Mister, are you gonna die?
{45633}{45711}Happy sailing, Hawk.
{45715}{45830}How am I driving?|Call 1 -800-l'm-Gonna-Fuckin'-Die!
{45874}{45927}Toll booth!
{46105}{46158}Exact change!
{46438}{46557}- Make a road kill.|- Up yours, Cesar!
{46870}{46944}Cesar! Antony!
{46989}{47069}Are you okay?
{47328}{47381}MY NAM E IS KIT KAT
{47582}{47712}- What's the matter with you?|- The name's Snickers.
{47736}{47876}Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars.|It's better than when we signed up.
{47880}{48047}Our code names were diseases.|I was called Chlamydia for a year.
{48391}{48482}- My name's Butterfinger.|- No shit.
{48601}{48702}You like the company's new look?|I call them the MTV. I .A.
{48706}{48817}George, you promised|no old CIA, new CIA jokes.
{48822}{48975}Punks! They think the Cold War|has something to do with penguins.
{48980}{49151}- Don't I know you?|- Yes. I was bald, with a beard.
{49156}{49292}- Don't you recognize me?|- My high school science teacher?
{49297}{49416}I'm the guy who tricked you into|robbing the government installation.
{49421}{49501}George Kaplan.
{49568}{49685}- I'm not the type to hold a grudge.|- I needed you as a diversion.
{49689}{49807}I guess I was just jealous.|You were one hell of a thief.
{49812}{49971}- Why the reunion?|- I want to make it up to you.
{49976}{50083}To quote the late Karen Carpenter:|"We've only just begun."
{50087}{50188}3 minutes, 4 seconds.|You're a little late.
{50192}{50293}- I quit stealing.|- My employer wants a meeting.
{50297}{50439}- Your employer? The President?|- No. Somebody powerful.
{50444}{50580}- Good God! What's that?|- I'm not falling for that old gag.
{50615}{50740}- Shucks, I guess not.|- Now?
{50745}{50817}Yes, now.
{52161}{52318}- No way.|- Welcome to Rome, sir.
{52805}{52920}So Hawk ...|what do you think of the vehicle?
{52925}{53028}Why did you duck|at the auction house?
{53032}{53184}What can I say? I'm the villain.|Initially I wasn't sure we'd meet, -
{53189}{53329}- but then I thought, what the heck.|You come highly recommended.
{53333}{53504}Kaplan and the Mario brothers|were hired to find me a cat burglar.
{53745}{53916}I've got the power!
{54011}{54147}Ladies and gentlemen of the board|and Minerva! Here's Hudson Hawk!
{54236}{54302}Minerva!
{54321}{54418}Hello. Bunny, ball.
{54441}{54597}Hawk, we've got you clothes, a great|hotel and 250,000 lira per day.
{54602}{54705}That's $200 a day. Veto, Darwin.
{54710}{54827}I guess we see who wears the penis|in this family.
{54832}{54914}Somebody chain this convict up.
{54951}{55077}This might be hard to believe,|but I'm just a regular joe.
{55132}{55284}I just want to be happy.|And that comes from achieving goals.
{55289}{55402}But when you've made your|first billion by the age of 19, -
{55407}{55594}- it's hard to find new ones.|But finally, I've got a new goal:
{55599}{55692}World domination!
{55895}{55975}Shut up! Bunny, quit that.
{55979}{56061}- Bunny, ball.|- Bunny's got today's balls.
{56065}{56213}- Bad Bunny.|- Bunny, you weren't that bad.
{56218}{56331}Concorde me back home, folks.|Put me in jail. I don't care.
{56335}{56436}You go back to jail|and you won't be alone.
{56440}{56560}You'll have a guinea barkeep|cellmate to keep you company.
{56565}{56685}You're young enough to still enjoy|shanking child molesters ...
{56722}{56906}But Tommy Five-Tone will only|get out to attend his own funeral.
{57017}{57093}Depressing?
{57131}{57279}- You don't have any proof.|- The magic word.
{57284}{57378}It's veja du.|Something you wish never happened.
{57383}{57492}Kaplan's CIA candy bars|shot the entire operation.
{57497}{57618}They put the fake horse in the safe|while you were escaping.
{57705}{57789}- Yikes!|- Damn Fotomat assholes!
{57793}{57908}- It's a good shot of you, Minerva.|- You're going to hit a church.
{57912}{58046}We want you to steal|da Vinci's sketchbook. The Codex.
{58068}{58191}The Vatican.|I'm robbing the freakin' Vatican.
{58196}{58293}The nuns at St. Agnes|predicted this.
{58297}{58422}What do they call you guys?|lg and Ook?
{59076}{59137}- Hey.|- Buon giorno.
{59142}{59241}I'm being blackmailed|into robbing the Vatican.
{59245}{59383}- I don't ...|- Just keep an eye on all the art.
{60658}{60730}Courtney, stop it.
{60980}{61098}Leonardo was a painter|and an inventor.
{61103}{61239}He drew together science and art ...|that is most incredible.
{61371}{61445}Tough guy ...|what are you doing here?
{61450}{61586}Everytime I get around you|my heart starts beating really fast.
{61640}{61737}The da Vinci Codex|is here in the Vatican.
{61742}{61859}- And that's where it will stay.|- That's what you think.
{61863}{61916}When are you done?
{61921}{62032}He predicted the airplane,|the submarine, the bicycle, -
{62037}{62115}- the helicopter|and even the tank.
{62120}{62223}- These more dangerous designs ...|- Pokey!
{62559}{62650}- Something wrong?|- Come with me.
{62741}{62862}- Is that smoke bad for you?|- This way. Through here.
{63001}{63143}Who are you going to blame|for what you did back there?
{63148}{63197}The elephant.
{63236}{63331}- What is this?|- A postal subway.
{63336}{63454}- Can I get to Times Square?|- The Pope takes his mail seriously.
{63459}{63610}- He delivers up to ten at night.|- I see.
{63615}{63728}Actually, I don't see.|What do you do?
{63732}{63866}I do a lot of things,|but I don't steal stuffed elephants.
{63871}{64015}- My life's pretty boring.|- Yeah. Mine, too.
{64019}{64142}You want to have dinner with me|tonight? A nice boring dinner.
{64147}{64289}- Anecdotes about dead Italians.|- I'll bring my entire repertoire.
{64388}{64536}- I'll bring my entourage.|- Enzo's around the corner. 10:30?
{64541}{64621}10:30.|Hey, thanks.
{64809}{64963}- Father, he's up to something.|- Report upstairs at once.
{65246}{65390}- Did he mention the Mayflowers?|- No, but he's after the Codex.
{65395}{65492}The vanity of this man Hudson Hawk.
{65496}{65599}The Vatican has foiled the advances|of pirates and terrorists.
{65604}{65697}We won't lie down|for some schmuck from New Jersey.
{65702}{65832}And ... must you flirt with him|so effectively?
{65836}{65943}- That's the only way.|- You work for our organization.
{65947}{66098}You're put in awkward situations.|Hudson Hawk is an evil man.
{66571}{66738}Operator, I'd like to call overseas|to a New York number.
{66899}{66979}Thank you for calling AT&T.
{66984}{67099}Thank God! 212-555-1989.
{67230}{67321}Pick up the phone.
{67377}{67478}Pick it up, Tommy.
{67483}{67635}The black thing on the desk.|Come on, Tommy.
{67979}{68088}You want some more, Jumbo?|I'll kick your ass.
{68092}{68158}Hawk ...
{68233}{68340}- Enjoying Italy?|- Yeah.
{68344}{68443}I've always had|a soft spot in my heart for Rome.
{68448}{68551}I did my first|bare-handed strangulation here.
{68555}{68643}- A Communist politician.|- You big softie.
{68648}{68734}I miss communism!
{68739}{68871}The Red Threat. People were scared.
{68876}{68991}The Agency had some respect.|And I got laid every night.
{69023}{69149}- Brief him, Snickers.|- The Mayflowers are in a hurry.
{69154}{69317}- You're doing the Vatican tonight.|- I've got a date tonight.
{69321}{69446}"Grapple, biker's bottle, pocket|fisherman, olive oil, 100 stamps."
{69451}{69587}- This is going to be some date.|- Snickers, make that list happen.
{69608}{69754}We're not like the Mayflowers.|We're sore losers.
{69759}{69917}We blow up space shuttles|for breakfast. So behave.
{69922}{69979}Ciao.
{69984}{70066}Hey, old man! Yeah, you!
{70071}{70238}You come back here alone|and I'll kick your ass.
{70462}{70550}"Beware the blue wire"?
{70555}{70644}- Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps.|- Good, Yogi.
{70846}{70926}TO THE VATICAN MUSEUM|VATICAN CITY
{72955}{73116}- This spaghetti looks good.|- Just like my mother used to make.
{73120}{73198}I'd better do my rounds.
{73517}{73632}Kit Kat, how did you know|about that blue wire?
{74085}{74179}Control, something's going on.
{74217}{74369}Jesus Christ!|I knew I heard something.
{77307}{77422}- I was afraid you weren't coming.|- Am I late?
{77619}{77722}You look very nice. You really do.|What?
{77727}{77883}- I am the waiter, sir.|- Pasta with mushrooms, please.
{77913}{78030}- And bring me a bottle of ketchup.|- You heard him.
{78035}{78185}Ketchup with pasta.|Stupid American.
{78189}{78375}Come on, Pierre, read my lips.|Steak burger. French fries.
{78380}{78530}- This is France.|- Actually, it's Italy.
{78601}{78667}To be in Paris and in love.
{78728}{78837}They had the worst ketchup|when I was in prison.
{78842}{78976}- Prison?|- I was a warden.
{78981}{79113}- How long were you in?|- Well, I never saw "ET."
{79118}{79269}You were in the joint.|Doing hard time.
{79301}{79395}It's funny, but that excites me.
{79400}{79530}- I have a thing for sinners.|- Well, I have a thing for sinning.
{79560}{79665}- Where'd you get the hawk?|- In New York.
{79670}{79740}And the name Hudson Hawk?
{79744}{79899}The hawk is a slang word|for the cold winter wind.
{79904}{80007}I grew up in Hoboken|on the Hudson River.
{80011}{80130}- Hudson River.|- Hudson Hawk. And these?
{80176}{80264}I fell on some chickens.
{80269}{80366}Does it hurt?|Maybe I can make it feel better.
{80370}{80452}Okay, see what you can do.
{80726}{80792}Don't tickle me.
{80796}{80969}I've got to tell you something.|I'd better whisper it to you.
{81027}{81107}I can't do this!
{81173}{81257}- What?|- It's been a long time.
{81261}{81395}It's been a long time for me, too.|This has been a very slow decade.
{81433}{81550}If I don't make love every 10 years,|I get a little cranky.
{81574}{81656}I'm not sure|if I remember how to kiss girls.
{81661}{81747}Not that I ever kiss guys.
{81881}{81970}The Vatican has been robbed!
{81975}{82095}- Catholic girls are scary.|- Somebody robbed the Vatican.
{82209}{82275}It's not what you think ...
{82279}{82411}You went and did it|in less than one day of planning.
{82415}{82586}First the Sforza, then the Codex.|Is the Colosseum next in line?
{82591}{82762}Did the devil make you do it?|Or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?
{82846}{82978}- What's going on in there?|- You want me to rape them?
{83009}{83126}Just read your book, Butterfinger.
{83211}{83369}"Not in a boat. Not on a train.|Not with a goat. Not in the rain."
{83374}{83427}To yourself!
{83431}{83596}The Mayflowers have a peculiar|interest in the da Vinci pieces.
{83600}{83695}The Sforza was a fake,|but I was told not to denounce it.
{83700}{83817}- Does everybody know more than me?|- You didn't know?
{83821}{83932}I'm just some guy|who's good at swiping stuff.
{83937}{84075}Who knew that would lead to this?|I've even got the CIA involved now.
{84106}{84221}Here's looking at you, kid.
{84226}{84358}- This is strange cappuccino.|- That'll be the ethyl chloride.
{84487}{84640}Why didn't you tell me the hit|was tonight? I want to see Kaplan.
{84853}{85020}Meddlesome Vatican organization!|Way to go, Anna!
{85025}{85132}Hudson Hawk told me about|you and the Mayflowers.
{85136}{85259}Basically you're|all part of the same car pool.
{85264}{85412}If that was so, Almond Joy would've|killed you once she had the Codex.
{85416}{85519}No, when the Mayflowers|find out we have the Codex, -
{85523}{85648}- they'll want to make a deal.|They buy the Codex and we bust them.
{85653}{85768}- What happens to Hudson Hawk?|- I wouldn't worry about him.
{85773}{85895}He's going to be in very good hands,|but you look really tired.
{85900}{86005}You should go back to Rome|and get some sleep. Kit Kat.
{86061}{86172}See that Miss Baragli|gets home safely.
{86177}{86282}Arrivederci, baby.
{86287}{86462}- Why didn't you let me kill her?|- Close call.
{86466}{86575}But she's our only link|to the Vatican organization.
{86702}{86768}Bunny Mayflower!
{86772}{86873}Forgive me, Father,|for I have sinned.
{86877}{86992}- Hit me with your best shot.|- I betrayed a man.
{86996}{87159}- A good man. A thief.|- Anna, what are you trying to say?
{87163}{87293}The CIA have double-crossed us.|Hudson Hawk is not a bad man.
{87297}{87418}He came into a world where crime|is a legitimate business tactic, -
{87423}{87528}- but he knew right from wrong ...|and we kind of messed around.
{87533}{87696}My God! That is terrible!|Messed around!
{87740}{87843}17 Hail Marys|and five minutes outside.
{87848}{88027}So Hudson Hawk is not willingly|working for the Mayflowers, -
{88031}{88128}- but Kaplan and the candy bars are.
{88132}{88241}The CIA is using me|to keep us away from Mayflower.
{88245}{88356}The Pope warned me|never to trust the CIA.
{88361}{88499}If the Mayflowers get control of the|gold machine, we'll all be ruined.
{88503}{88600}Lord, help us!
{88605}{88743}What of Tommy Five-Tone?|Find out where his loyalty lies.
{88748}{88861}But remember your vows to God, as|well as your mission to the world.
{88866}{88987}Yes, your Eminence.|Just say God go with me.
{88992}{89072}God go with you, Sister.
{89119}{89207}Ball!
{89212}{89313}- Ball!|- Jolly good shot, sir.
{89351}{89431}- Hudson Hawk!|- Hudson Hawk!
{89436}{89545}You cease to amaze me, convict.|You are a terrible cat burglar!
{89550}{89640}Haven't you ever seen David Niven?|Tiptoe in. Tiptoe out.
{89645}{89766}- Like a cat, one would say.|- I could take it back.
{89779}{89863}- Let me do that.|- I don't care.
{90079}{90199}You two! There's nothing|I hate more than failure!
{90204}{90340}All you had to do|was follow the Hawk.
{90345}{90446}I suppose|we'll just have to kill them.
{90540}{90649}God, Minerva, I was just joking.
{90943}{91017}- Get away from there.|- Just browsing.
{91022}{91123}Don't hurt him.|We need him for the final job.
{91127}{91269}Really? Don't hurt him?|Even if he does this?
{91295}{91431}Or what about this?|Surely ... this must offend?
{91461}{91595}Things are really heating up|at the castle tonight.
{91600}{91707}May I call you Minnie?|You put your left foot in ...
{91711}{91845}There is one part of your body you|won't be needing for your next job.
{91850}{92017}- I'll sing like Frankie Valli.|- "Big Boys Don't Cry".
{92021}{92095}3 minutes, 27 seconds.
{92199}{92316}You start telling me what's going on|or I won't move a muscle.
{92321}{92439}- Treat me like an adult.|- That's fair. Now go to your room.
{92517}{92591}What?
{92683}{92804}In one of your paws you've got|a gold bar worth about $8,000.
{92809}{92914}In the other, you've got cheap lead.
{92918}{93033}Surely a master thief like you|can tell the difference.
{93038}{93182}Cool, isn't it? In weight and feel|they're all but identical.
{93187}{93288}On the periodic chart of elements|they're one proton apart.
{93293}{93419}Great minds worked for centuries|to turn worthless into priceless.
{93424}{93577}Alchemy is the business term|of the 90's.
{93582}{93676}I dumped some lira into research.
{93681}{93819}We came across a diary|by one of da Vinci's assistants.
{93824}{93929}The gold machine|was detailed in it.
{93933}{94025}Money isn't everything ...|gold is!
{94030}{94150}Fuck blue-chip stocks!|Fuck junk bonds!
{94155}{94291}Money will always be paper,|but gold will always be gold!
{94295}{94394}We'll flood the market|with so much gold -
{94399}{94504}- that the very foundation|of finance will lose its meaning.
{94508}{94671}Brokers and economists will die|from severe nervous breakdowns.
{94675}{94813}- Sounds like a party.|- Financial empires will crumble.
{94817}{94934}- Except yours.|- 1992, baby.
{94939}{95139}The European superpowers are|meeting one business superpower.
{95144}{95241}The last ingredient in the recipe|is da Vinci's model of a helicopter.
{95246}{95446}- On display in the Louvre, Paris.|- Is there a Louvre in Wisconsin?
{95450}{95580}- The security will be overwhelming.|- 12 guards ...
{95584}{95699}Time out. I choose|not to accept the assignment.
{95704}{95770}- Put me in jail.|- Jail?
{95775}{95909}Our foot soldiers will blow|your brains out! Bunny, ball.
{95913}{96066}I'll torture you. I'll kill your|friends ... even your prom date.
{96071}{96182}Patty-Jo Biarsky?|I can get you an address on that.
{96187}{96300}I think we can solve this.
{96396}{96577}I'll kill you all! That butler.|That little dog. I'm sick of this.
{96710}{96823}I hated cigarettes|till I saw my first no smoking sign.
{96827}{96917}Keep off the grass?|Let's play soccer.
{96922}{97126}The only law I cared for was|friendship. I broke that one, too.
{97131}{97232}I just don't think|we should leave them in there alone.
{97237}{97352}The pasta-slurping guinea|will keep Hawk in line.
{97356}{97512}This Gates, CIA, Mayflower, da Vinci|thing seemed like a sweet deal.
{97517}{97649}Visit foreign lands,|take their treasures ...
{97653}{97768}It's better than playing darts|with M BA's at the bar.
{97772}{97887}But I didn't think they were going|to be using me to use you.
{97936}{98000}I'm sorry, Eddie.
{98035}{98113}There's only one way out of this, -
{98118}{98239}- and it's going to hurt me|more than it's going to hurt you.
{98282}{98407}- They'll talk about being buddies.|- You've got to love male bonding.
{98676}{98763}You fucked my freedom|for a lousy job?
{99021}{99136}You know something, Eddie?|You hit like a girl!
{99141}{99228}I was only kidding.
{99371}{99470}Tommy! No!
{99802}{99983}- Plan B, George.|- Plan B?
{100667}{100793}No sweat, Tommy. You just made|the biggest mistake of my life.
{100798}{100922}I know I made a bad call.|It was so beautiful.
{100927}{101044}When those blanks went off,|everybody freaked.
{101048}{101201}- Ketchup. Heinz 57.|- You fucked me for a lousy job?
{101206}{101348}You're lucky I don't hit women.|If you even are a woman ...
{101353}{101518}I work for a Vatican humanitarian|organization. The CIA conned me.
{101522}{101598}- I love you.|- I care for you.
{101602}{101678}- What's this?|- When did you get that?
{101683}{101807}- When you handed over the Codex.|- It's from the gold machine.
{101812}{101954}- They're close to making it work.|- Now they've lost your services ...
{101958}{102086}They won't be able to steal|the third piece of the crystal.
{102090}{102222}Why do they leave all these rocks|and shit laying in their back yard?
{102226}{102331}- They're called ruins, Eddie.|- Good name.
{102468}{102577}He had this look on his face|when we caught him.
{102582}{102716}I never saw a look like it.|He was so embarrassed.
{102721}{102812}Won't the CIA check out this place?
{102817}{102926}No, they fell for it.|They think ... Hawk's been arrested.
{102930}{103058}Kaplan and the candy bars|were seen boarding a plane.
{103063}{103154}Will you quit worrying about it?
{103159}{103313}- Okay, guys, it's time for bed.|- I couldn't agree more.
{103382}{103545}- You're going to sleep here.|- Where are you going to sleep?
{103549}{103675}- I'll get you some sheets.|- Yeah, we'll get you some sheets.
{103740}{103814}- It's a very special night.|- Yes, it was.
{103819}{103924}- Is.|- Was. You don't know about me.
{103928}{104074}I know some things about you,|and about me, and about that bed.
{104079}{104184}- This is not the time, Hudson.|- Look ...
{104189}{104309}- How about a late-night cappuccino?|- The machine has poisonous foam.
{104314}{104436}- Yeah ... I remember.|- Good night.
{104476}{104544}Good night.
{104677}{104753}Don't say another word.
{104758}{104894}- It's a very special night ...|- Very funny.
{105414}{105531}Good morning. The license plates on|the police van had a Vatican prefix.
{105535}{105675}I'm losing respect for you guys.|You so nearly got away with it.
{105694}{105838}- Where's Anna?|- It's nice of you to drop by.
{105842}{105934}Come back later|with some croissants.
{105939}{106046}I really wish I had|the glib repartee you guys have.
{106050}{106147}But I don't, so I'll paralyze you.|AJ.
{106199}{106354}Curare darts. Instantaneous loss of|all physical control below the neck.
{106359}{106449}Ed! I'll rip their tongues out!
{106454}{106625}Come here, you chicken shits!|My head against your head.
{106630}{106739}Is this how I go out?|Like a lump of frozen Play-Doh.
{106744}{106862}- Keep laughing, Jumbo.|- You made it come out of my nose.
{106867}{106999}This is no way|to get me to rob the Louvre.
{107003}{107178}The Louvre is yesterday's news,|or should I say this morning's.
{107182}{107295}There was a lack of nuance.|We didn't wear black or sing.
{107299}{107412}We weren't being judged on neatness,|only results.
{107417}{107522}- Damn it! Yanks lose again.|- How are the Mets doing?
{107613}{107710}You may be the fairest|cat burglars of them all, -
{107714}{107832}- but if you weren't such snobs, the|Louvre guards might still be alive.
{107870}{107948}But that's irrelevant now.
{108099}{108186}You're irrelevant now.
{108191}{108333}Tonight at the castle da Vinci ...|we make gold!
{108337}{108457}- Rise and shine, sleepy heads.|- Hi, Anna.
{108462}{108544}Mr. Kaplan, give me the crystal.
{108548}{108653}- Anna Baragli!|- Came to play!
{108657}{108803}Anna, you're not going to shoot me|or anybody else.
{108808}{108930}- Shoot!|- I read your dossier, Sister.
{109026}{109135}- Why did she call you sister?|- I'm sorry. I meant to tell you.
{109139}{109281}- He didn't know!|- Hawk likes a nun.
{109415}{109514}- Those better be tears, Tommy.|- They are.
{109519}{109626}- It doesn't mean I don't love you.|- No, that's your job!
{109630}{109791}- You probably love Butterfinger.|- Yeah, in a weird Catholic way.
{109796}{109895}But you ... you ...
{109959}{110126}Miss Baralgi's da Vinci expertise|keeps her alive, but you guys ...
{110221}{110303}A souvenir. Ciao.
{110374}{110491}- Later, guys.|- Easy for you to say.
{110495}{110616}Guys, the good news is you'll be|unparalyzed in about 2 minutes.
{110621}{110751}But you'll only have five seconds|to defuse the bombs.
{110905}{111018}I'll just shoot one in the kitchen|for good measure.
{111124}{111192}More paralysis!
{111249}{111315}- You can move?|- Yeah.
{111320}{111435}This is what I get|for darting a nun.
{111440}{111580}- Get this thing off my head!|- He's about to have a bad migraine.
{111584}{111658}Maybe it was a dud.
{112044}{112199}It must be the curare.|It has certain side effects.
{112204}{112296}I'm a dolphin|who's never tasted melted snow.
{112301}{112468}The apprentice's diary explains how|the pieces of crystal fit together.
{112507}{112653}If you could decipher the code,|we'd be very grateful.
{112658}{112763}What does the color blue taste like?|Bobo knows.
{112816}{112921}I must speak with the dolphins now.
{113027}{113188}Just shoot her. Anybody. This is|supposed to be torture, not therapy.
{113194}{113359}The old man said|left at the brook for the castle.
{113397}{113477}- Quit pushing.|- I'm not pushing.
{113532}{113627}- Count of three?|- Why not just go now?
{113632}{113733}Who are you? Bob Hope?|What's with the golf bag?
{113738}{113806}I've got a plan.
{114222}{114327}Let me ask you something.|How do I look?
{114332}{114451}- You look great. Are you kidding?|- No, I want you to tell me.
{114456}{114592}We're hanging off a castle and|you're asking me how you look?
{114631}{114715}You look gorgeous. Like Zorro.
{114924}{115103}- A life of service comes to this.|- The dolphin is dead.
{115108}{115246}- Come on, you bitch!|- I'm not a good damsel in a dress.
{115250}{115357}You must pay the rent.|But I can't pay the rent.
{115362}{115539}A damsel in distress has some|Dudley Do-Right coming to save her.
{115543}{115681}It ain't going to happen.|Hudson Hawk is dead.
{115904}{116036}I'm going to use the seven iron.|Six iron . .?
{116040}{116099}Thank you. Fore!
{116134}{116226}Four?|Did anybody hear something?
{116293}{116402}- Can you believe it?|- I heard something.
{116407}{116528}- Did you set the timer?|- No.
{116533}{116663}Come on, Butterfinger. Kit Kat,|guard the Mayflowers with your life.
{116818}{116927}Kit Kat, are you really going|to guard us with your life?
{117078}{117139}I ALWAYS LIKED YOU
{117144}{117261}A double crossbow|for a double-cross.
{117265}{117354}Catch you later, baby.
{117458}{117588}- Why did you do that?|- Thou shalt not share.
{117619}{117720}It's in the hole!|He's got to be happy with that one.
{117725}{117811}2.5 minutes to save Anna.|3.5 to save the world.
{117815}{117920}6:00. "Side by Side."
{118373}{118519}Let's go down this way ...|Maybe we'd better go this way.
{118614}{118684}Okay ... this way.
{118688}{118797}Hey, I'll take the front nine.|You take the back nine.
{118802}{118911}- We'll meet back at the clubhouse.|- Looking good, man.
{118944}{119076}How are you doing?|Three ... two ... one ...
{119139}{119298}Go in. Brief the Mayflowers|on the current situation.
{119303}{119363}You got it, coach.
{120007}{120067}I'll take that, sir.
{120465}{120570}Coach, it looks bad.|I think those Mayflowers set us up.
{120720}{120794}Jumbo, we hardly knew you.
{120867}{121040}Tell us what we want to know|or I'll send you to heaven.
{121045}{121133}If you see the big guy,|tell him he's a loser.
{121138}{121208}That's it!
{121468}{121546}- That didn't hurt.|- No? Try this.
{121785}{121898}What do you say now, you|centrally intelligent scumsickle?
{121982}{122052}Getting old, George?
{122214}{122325}Tommy,|you New York Italian son of a bitch!
{122329}{122480}You were hired as bait. Do you have|an answer as to why you betrayed me?
{122485}{122571}I've got five of them.
{122576}{122681}One ... two ... three ... four ...
{122686}{122768}Just one more!
{122951}{123025}That didn't ... hurt.
{123157}{123212}How do I stop this?
{123256}{123322}My hat.
{123464}{123586}You never fucked with nobody|from Hoboken before. Anna!
{123591}{123688}- We're supposed to be saving you.|- I saved myself.
{123692}{123809}- We still have to get the crystals.|- They're right here, cowboy.
{123813}{123933}- Eddie!|- That sounds like Tommy.
{123938}{124035}Alfred, I won't be needing|the car anymore.
{124077}{124136}Ta-ta!
{124411}{124498}- Eddie!|- My pension!
{124802}{124891}- A friend of yours?|- Dead!
{125187}{125261}Hudson, look ... out.
{125674}{125802}Anna! Hawk! You're probably|wondering why you're still alive.
{125806}{125991}We're still having a little problem|putting this damn crystal together.
{125996}{126076}Well, what are you waiting for?
{126283}{126377}- Don't do it, Hudson.|- Relax.
{126382}{126470}Besides ...|we don't have much choice, do we?
{127117}{127263}Oh, Hawk ... don't ever change!
{127301}{127485}Nice Hawk. Bad Hawk!
{127742}{127843}Why is the world|jam packed with such idiots?
{127848}{127990}Every schmo has the fantasy that|the planet revolves around them.
{127994}{128095}When a car crash stops traffic,|you say how can this happen to me.
{128099}{128231}But for us this isn't a fantasy.|It is a reality.
{128236}{128428}If da Vinci was alive today,|he'd be eating microwave sushi.
{128450}{128565}The project of his life|is now the toy of mine.
{128569}{128682}History, tradition, culture,|are not concepts.
{128687}{128784}They're trophies I keep in my den|as paperweights.
{128789}{128931}The chaos we'll cause with this|machine will be our masterpiece.
{128936}{129010}Go team, go!
{129029}{129122}Go team, go!
{129175}{129257}Yes!
{129451}{129517}Now!
{129802}{129882}Eureka, motherfucker!
{129886}{130010}You should feel|very good about yourself.
{130015}{130145}What would happen if I didn't put|that crystal together exactly right?
{130150}{130308}Let's say I left out this piece|of mirror here. Would that be bad?
{130313}{130371}- Real bad.|- Good.
{130610}{130664}Minerva!
{130761}{130823}Alfred!
{131230}{131339}- Your turn.|- How did it get to be my turn?
{131379}{131447}Definitely your turn.
{131466}{131587}- All right, stay out of the way.|- Hudson ...
{131772}{131834}Okay.
{132115}{132199}- Thou shalt not kill!|- Sorry.
{132516}{132592}Stop helping me!
{132710}{132786}Hey, Alfred ...
{132826}{132954}You won't be attending|that hat convention in July.
{133046}{133122}- My turn?|- Yeah.
{133190}{133256}This dog now?
{133316}{133404}Bunny, ball.
{133542}{133606}Come on.
{134026}{134117}Uncover my eyes ... Cover 'em up!
{134458}{134540}Just hang on.
{135142}{135210}Hi, kids!
{135454}{135530}- Anna.|- Yes, Hudson?
{135535}{135605}- Can I ask you something?|- Sure.
{135649}{135781}- Will you play Nintendo with me?|- I'd love to play with you.
{136057}{136195}- What about your boss?|- What boss?
{136200}{136315}He wants me to keep an eye on you.
{136320}{136441}- Yes. I've got criminal tendencies.|- Can I buy you a cappuccino?
{136446}{136545}- Can I give you a kiss?|- Yes.
{136571}{136684}- I just wish Tommy were here.|- No way.
{136689}{136783}- That's not very nice.|- No way.
{136866}{136998}- Did I miss anything?|- You were in a car crash!
{137002}{137064}Air bags!
{137069}{137184}- You're supposed to be blown up.|- A sprinkler system.
{137189}{137321}- Can you fucking believe it?|- Yeah ... that's what happened.
{137326}{137431}- Drink your cappuccino.|- Drink your coffee.
{137702}{137819}With the world saved and the|secrets of da Vinci protected, -
{137823}{137895}- Eddie finally got his coffee.