1
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:35,696
(woman) Everyone, please take
your seats. You heard the bell.

2
00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:38,534
You know what it means.
Last week,

3
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:45,876
the assignment was
to write an essay about your family.

4
00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:49,439
- Who they...
- (class) Are!

5
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,508
And what they...

6
00:00:51,586 --> 00:00:53,850
(all) Mean to us!

7
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:57,413
Excellent droning. So l want
everyone to take out their essays.

8
00:00:57,659 --> 00:01:02,096
We're going to read them aloud
to the class right up here.

9
00:01:02,864 --> 00:01:10,600
My mom says that me and my dad
have very healthy appetites.

10
00:01:10,672 --> 00:01:13,402
My mom and dad are very religious.

11
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:18,207
When they're in their bedroom at night,
l always hear them yelling, ''Jesus!''

12
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:24,240
My mom says my dad's eyes are brown
because he is so full of sh...

13
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,307
(teacher) Brian!

14
00:01:26,421 --> 00:01:28,753
My brother Jack is in eighth grade.

15
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:31,451
He told me to ask my dad
who he voted for...

16
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,357
for... for President.

17
00:01:33,428 --> 00:01:36,488
l did and my Dad said
he's a total Bush-man.

18
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:39,727
That made my brother laugh really hard.

19
00:01:40,802 --> 00:01:44,465
Whenever my Uncle Stu
comes over to play pool with my dad,

20
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:49,670
my mom says the basement smells
like a Cheech and Chong movie.

21
00:01:49,744 --> 00:01:52,212
Well... it's like this.

22
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,908
My dog ate my paper.

23
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,973
l checked, but he didn't poop it out.

24
00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:58,985
(class laughing)

25
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,987
What a lovely sentiment,
Mr. Etheridge.

26
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:04,582
Maybe your dog can eat the zero
you'll be receiving too.

27
00:02:04,659 --> 00:02:08,493
- Aw, man!
- (boy) Harsh.

28
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,726
Miss Trinke?
lt's your turn now.

29
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:27,681
My dad says life can be
split into two categories:

30
00:02:27,749 --> 00:02:30,877
New Jersey... and New York.

31
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,255
(music playing)

32
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,563
(girl) My dad was a Jersey boy
who became the youngest

33
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,762
and most successful music publicist
in New York City.

34
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,967
By the time he was 27,
he had 100 people working for him.

35
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:58,637
And even though they all loved him,
he loved them even more.

36
00:02:58,713 --> 00:03:02,171
My fellow flacks and spin doctors.

37
00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:04,341
Salud.

38
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:08,912
(girl) Daddy loved his job,
but not as much as he loved my mom.

39
00:03:09,524 --> 00:03:12,982
Mommy was a book editor in
New York City when her and Daddy met.

40
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,551
Daddy said theirjobs
were kind of the same...

41
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:18,394
they made slight corrections
for their clients.

42
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:24,200
Because George Michael is a pimp
who is all about the ladies, my friend.

43
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:27,764
Come on, ''l Want Your Sex''?
That sound like he's singing to a guy?

44
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:32,841
Daddy worked so much that sometimes
Mommy could only see him late at night.

45
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:37,072
Daddy says that's why they
both loved the city so much -

46
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,142
it never went to sleep.

47
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:44,152
And neither did him and Mommy.

48
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,886
But after a year of romance
in New York City,

49
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:49,759
Daddy said it was time
to show Mommy where he came from.

50
00:03:50,865 --> 00:03:55,063
So he took her home to New Jersey
and put her through what he said

51
00:03:55,136 --> 00:03:58,799
was the biggest test
their love would ever face:

52
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:01,341
''Introducing her to my pop. ''

53
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,102
- Hey, how are ya?
- How're ya doin'?

54
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,546
- How're ya doin' yourself?
- This is Gertrude.

55
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:11,346
Hi. Merry Christmas.

56
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:17,157
- And what do you do, Mr. Trinke?
- Easy on the ''Mr. Trinke''. lt's Bart.

57
00:04:17,225 --> 00:04:19,352
l work for the borough,
for 30 years now.

58
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,863
He's the only man in Highlands
licensed to operate the street sweeper.

59
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:26,127
Oh, man, l always wanted
to ride in one of those things.

60
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,159
Well, you continue seeing my son,
l can probably get you a turn at the wheel.

61
00:04:30,238 --> 00:04:34,140
l was only gonna sleep with him
a few more times and then dump him,

62
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:35,835
but now, after an offer like that...

63
00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:38,470
Holy shit.
Listen to the mouth on this one!

64
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,946
Oh, yeah, they don't make 'em
like Mom anymore, do they, Dad?

65
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:44,348
- Now, listen, l'm goin' to the bar.
- What a shock.

66
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,854
lf you guys are gonna do anything
while l'm gone, stay the hell off of my bed.

67
00:04:47,922 --> 00:04:52,325
- You're going to a bar?
- Didn't he tell ya? l'm an alcoholic.

68
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:56,227
- Well, l wanna go to the bar too.
- No, you don't wanna go to this bar.

69
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,232
lt's a bunch of old guys talkin' about
how good they had it under Kennedy.

70
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,530
The man was a goddamn saint.

71
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:05,436
l'm goin' to the bar with your dad.
You can come if you want.

72
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,474
No, that's OK.
l'll stay here and do the dishes.

73
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,441
l only cooked.
Why shouldn't l clean?

74
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,240
Suit yourself.
But don't wash that pan.

75
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:16,750
l got a layer of juice built up for the pork
roll, and l don't want you scrubbin' it off.

76
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,785
That ''juice'' is called grease, Dad.

77
00:05:18,853 --> 00:05:20,946
lt's bad for you.
lt clogs your arteries.

78
00:05:21,022 --> 00:05:24,480
lt's called juice.
And it greases a father's insides

79
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:28,187
so that he can better swallow
the shit his son feeds him twice a year

80
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,253
when he can be bothered
coming to visit him.

81
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,261
(girl) So that night,
Daddy took Mommy to Pop's bar,

82
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,762
where she got to meet
Pop's other children,

83
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,306
his best friends Greenie and Block.

84
00:05:41,142 --> 00:05:43,804
Hey, your kid's cuttin' a rug.

85
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,077
Who are you, Connie Chung?

86
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:56,385
Daddy said, because Mommy
survived her first trip to Jersey,

87
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,618
he knew she was a keeper.

88
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:09,492
He said they celebrated their
engagement by going out for pizza.

89
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:13,065
And that's how I got here.

90
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,802
Do we have enough of these at home,
or should l steal some?

91
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,709
lf you're gonna steal something,
steal some rubber gloves.

92
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,542
(knocking)

93
00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:36,585
- Thank you!
- You're welcome!

94
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:41,364
And with that,
everyone lived happily ever after.

95
00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:43,469
Almost.

96
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,097
Look, you've got two minutes,
and then we have to go, OK?

97
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,403
- Or l'm gonna leave.
- Would you stop rushing me?

98
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:52,037
l don't understand how somebody who had
all day sitting around to get ready

99
00:06:52,113 --> 00:06:53,876
waits till 20 minutes
before we have to leave!

100
00:06:53,948 --> 00:06:56,178
You try getting anything accomplished
with this big gut in your way!

101
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,549
This is one of the few days of the year
that l can be fired for being late!

102
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:04,580
Anytime that you wanna carry this baby,
Ollie, you let me know! OK?

103
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,821
l would be glad to go back to wearing
regular dresses instead of this tent!

104
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,227
The dress looks fine.
lt's gorgeous, OK? lt's beautiful.

105
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,561
Yeah, until l'm standing next to
Janet Jackson or Sheryl Crow.

106
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,430
Then you'll see how not fine it looks.

107
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,596
Gertie, l asked you, please,
to use your own brush, OK?

108
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,536
- Can you just not use my brush?
- Don't start.

109
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,370
lt's just that
every time l wanna comb my hair

110
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:25,970
l spend 1 5 minutes taking these
long, bushy hairs out of my brush.

111
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:27,674
And l mean, you ask me to...

112
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,443
(crying)

113
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,916
l'm sorry.

114
00:07:30,985 --> 00:07:34,352
Baby, l'm sorry.
l'm sorry.

115
00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:38,051
You don't understand
what it's like to be this fat!

116
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,094
l've always been thin,
and now l'm a disgusting pig!

117
00:07:41,162 --> 00:07:43,824
And it's my first time
going to the Video Music Awards

118
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:48,062
and all the other girls are gonna be skinny,
and l'm gonna look like a whale!

119
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:52,299
Baby, baby, they're just skinny
'cause they're all coked-out whores.

120
00:07:52,373 --> 00:07:54,841
l wanna be a coked-out whore!

121
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,900
OK, you can be a coked-out whore too.

122
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:00,413
You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.

123
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,382
- l'm sorry.
- l should be more sensitive. l'm sorry.

124
00:08:03,451 --> 00:08:06,045
l should be more sensitive, honey.
l know.

125
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,815
- Yes.
- l know.

126
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,948
- Baby, we have to go now, OK?
- OK.

127
00:08:11,025 --> 00:08:13,391
- l love you. We have to go now.
- OK.

128
00:08:13,461 --> 00:08:15,952
- l love you too.
- All right, let's go. OK?

129
00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:18,897
Just give me two minutes.

130
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,291
- ( Ollie) What time is it?
- (man) 20 after.

131
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:24,667
- She's gonna kill me!
- l need the quote for the Madonna release.

132
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:30,370
OK. ''Madonna trusts the public
will judge for itself that...

133
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:33,845
this latest in a long line
of breakthrough music videos

134
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,974
is not the tasteless sexploitation
it's accused of being.''

135
00:08:37,051 --> 00:08:41,249
- ''lt's artistic expression.''
- Of what?

136
00:08:41,322 --> 00:08:46,692
Of one woman's constant need
to show the world... her labia.

137
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,057
Hey, can l use the word ''labia''
in a press release?

138
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,743
See you next week.

139
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:20,458
One of these days, l'll get me one of
those husbands that show up for Lamaze.

140
00:09:20,528 --> 00:09:23,088
l'm sorry, babe. lt was Madonna.

141
00:09:23,164 --> 00:09:26,292
So you were late
because of another woman. That's nice.

142
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:29,996
- Come on. l still gotta do my job.
- And l still gotta do mine too.

143
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,163
But l was at Lamaze on time.

144
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,467
Look, all l'm saying is

145
00:09:36,544 --> 00:09:40,776
that guy who used to spend all night at
the office and barely live in his apartment?

146
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,839
That's not you anymore.

147
00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:45,442
Now you have to be the guy
who's done by six

148
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:49,478
and comes home
and hangs out with his family.

149
00:09:49,557 --> 00:09:51,889
That's the only way we're gonna work.

150
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,992
OK?

151
00:09:57,398 --> 00:09:58,922
OK.

152
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,231
- OK.
- OK.

153
00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,293
OK!

154
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,402
- OK.
- OK.

155
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,144
(panting)

156
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,144
- Can l help you?
- Yes.

157
00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:17,048
My wife's water broke.
She's gonna have a baby.

158
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,347
- You're gonna have to check in, hon.
- Check in?!

159
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:23,379
Where, at the concierge desk?! Why
are you being so combative with me?!

160
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,893
First of all,
take your hands off my uniform.

161
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:30,419
And second,
l'm gonna need a patient here.

162
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,329
This is my wife.
This is the belligerent nurse

163
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:39,167
that's being so difficult with me,
giving me such a hard time.

164
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,573
- l'm sorry. He's a little panicky.
- Can l get a wheelchair?

165
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,338
- Let's get you up to delivery...
- OK.

166
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,379
- ...and let him fill out the paperwork.
- OK.

167
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:48,915
- lf we can trust him with a pen.
- Here, sweetie.

168
00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:51,383
OK, just relax, breathe.
Remember, take it easy.

169
00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:53,545
l love you.
l'll be right there, OK? l love you.

170
00:10:53,621 --> 00:10:55,714
- l love you too.
- OK, l love you.

171
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:59,748
We've practiced this 1 ,000 times.
lt'll be great. How hard can it be?

172
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,158
(screaming)

173
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:05,460
- Push! You're doing good.
- (doctor) You're doing real good.

174
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:08,296
- No, l can't! l can't do it!
- (doctor) Take a breath.

175
00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:11,167
- lt hurts!
- l know it hurts.

176
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,298
lt's OK, baby.
Push. You can do it.

177
00:11:14,375 --> 00:11:17,538
(doctor) Take a deep breath.
ln five, four...

178
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,909
- OK? Here you go.
- ...three, two, one.

179
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:23,472
(doctor) Push. Push harder, Gertie.
Push harder.

180
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,178
The baby's crowning. l can see her.
l just need one more push.

181
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,721
- Can you see her?
- Holy shit! l can see the head!

182
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:32,316
- (doctor) One more. Breathe.
- Push! lt's almost there, baby.

183
00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:34,418
Push! You're doing it. Push!

184
00:11:34,495 --> 00:11:36,656
Push!

185
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:40,796
(doctor) Here she comes!
Here she comes!

186
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,268
Here she is.

187
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:45,862
- Do you wanna cut the cord, Dad?
- Yeah.

188
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,338
Scissors, please.

189
00:11:47,408 --> 00:11:53,313
Yes! And she's got all ten fingers,
ten toes.

190
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:57,908
We'll get her all cleaned up
and then we're gonna check...

191
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:58,974
Gertie?

192
00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:00,953
- ( Ollie) Baby, look.
- Gertie?

193
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,919
Gertie!

194
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,983
Gertie, can you hear me?

195
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:09,587
- She's OK. Sweetheart?
- Nurse, get Dr. Mortimer right away!

196
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,824
( Ollie) She's resting.
Who's Dr. Mortimer?

197
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:12,888
Dr. Mortimer!

198
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,900
- What's happening?
- (doctor) She's unresponsive.

199
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,663
- (nurse) Gertie!
- Gertie! Gertie!

200
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:19,706
Gertie, it's me!
Gertie?

201
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:22,003
(doctor) Healthy baby.
Unresponsive.

202
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:24,510
- (doctor) Respiratory arrest.
- (nurse) Turn it around!

203
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:28,105
- What's happening to my wife?
- Let's open that lV, please.

204
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:31,913
Baby, are you OK?
Sweetheart, sweetheart, wake up!

205
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:35,284
Please, someone take
Mr. Trinke outside. Please!

206
00:12:35,356 --> 00:12:37,381
l'm gonna have to intubate.

207
00:12:37,458 --> 00:12:39,722
Gertie, wake up, my love.
Wake up.

208
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,886
Gertie, please. Wake up.

209
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,590
Get off me!
Gertie!

210
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:48,999
l wanna stay with my wife!
Gertie! Gertie!

211
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,060
What's happening?!

212
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:14,159
- Ollie...
- lf l don't get to go in there right now...

213
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:15,695
- l swear to God!
- Ollie... Ollie, calm down.

214
00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:17,890
Fuck you, calm down!
OK?!

215
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,933
l got dragged out of there,
l haven't got to see my baby!

216
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,299
Your baby is fine.
She's healthy, she's normal.

217
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:27,101
- What's wrong with Gertie?
- l need you to calm down before l...

218
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,836
Look, l'm calm!
OK?!

219
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,844
(exasperated sigh)

220
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,805
l'm calm.

221
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,045
We think Gertie had an aneurysm.

222
00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:44,381
ls she OK?

223
00:13:46,727 --> 00:13:48,718
We lost her, Ollie.

224
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:55,899
The strain of the contractions and the
pushing caused the aneurysm to rupture.

225
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:58,938
There are rarely symptoms
for aneurysms...

226
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:03,099
(# ''That's How I Knew This Story
Would Break My Heart'' by Aimee Mann)

227
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:07,375
# I drew a picture of you

228
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:14,787
# You and your anchor tattoo

229
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,955
# And saw the face that I knew

230
00:14:24,398 --> 00:14:27,162
# Covered in shame

231
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:36,436
# You drew the bird that was here

232
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:43,744
# The kind of sweet chanticleer

233
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:51,085
# But with a terrible fear

234
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:57,053
# That the cage couldn't tame

235
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:10,643
# That's how I knew the story
would break my heart

236
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:15,215
# When you're older

237
00:15:17,818 --> 00:15:25,486
# That's how I knew the story
would break my heart

238
00:15:42,576 --> 00:15:44,567
( Ollie) You sure you're OK
with this, Dad?

239
00:15:44,645 --> 00:15:47,637
What, OK?
She's my granddaughter.

240
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:51,980
Yeah, you can stay
with me anytime, can't you?

241
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,849
Yes, you can.

242
00:15:53,921 --> 00:15:57,755
Until you're a teenager,
with the boys and a reefer.

243
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,725
Then l don't wanna know about you.

244
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,252
l wouldn't impose on you, you know.

245
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:08,563
l just got a lot of work...
piled up from before and...

246
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:14,437
- l'll be back late tonight, OK?
- Yeah, take your time.

247
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:23,281
Your daddy really misses
your mommy, kid. l miss her too.

248
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,443
Especially right now.

249
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:28,444
- (farting)
- Oh, Jesus!

250
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,855
(knocking)

251
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,454
Yeah.

252
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,199
- You wanted to see me, Ollie?
- Yeah, come on in.

253
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:46,972
l didn't think you were gonna be in
this week. How you doin'?

254
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,031
- You all right?
- l'm fine.

255
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:52,442
Look, this piece in the Post.
Why didn't you call me when this broke?

256
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:56,642
- l had to read about it in New Jersey.
- lt's cool. The nurse is a fan.

257
00:16:56,717 --> 00:16:59,914
Will she still be a fan when the Enquirer
flashes a stack of 50s in her face?

258
00:16:59,987 --> 00:17:03,548
Listen, something like this breaks,
l'm not in the city,

259
00:17:03,624 --> 00:17:05,819
you find me or you find another job.

260
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,553
Yeah, OK.

261
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,593
OK.

262
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,293
What else do we got?

263
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,634
Um, Will Smith.

264
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,572
- Who?
- The Fresh Prince?

265
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:24,076
''DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince''
Fresh Prince?

266
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,736
- Yeah.
- What about him?

267
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,906
You remember the first album,
the one with ''Girls Ain't...

268
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:31,246
- Rock the House. Yeah?
- Rock the House, right.

269
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:36,255
You remember on the cover of the album
Jazzy Jeff is holding a model of a house?

270
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,449
Vaguely.

271
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,493
Will Smith is donating that house
to the Hard Rock Cafe.

272
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,188
Well, stop the presses.
You put the word out yet?

273
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,322
- Date pending, yeah.
- Anybody give a shit?

274
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:50,132
- Every outlet wants in.
- You're kidding me?

275
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,467
No.
Even US News and World Report.

276
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,508
Why? lt's an eight-year-old album.

277
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,476
Doesn't matter. Everyone loves
that Fresh Prince TV show.

278
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:02,276
He's got that movie coming out
in a couple of weeks, Independence Day.

279
00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:06,115
- Let the film division handle it.
- No, we can't.

280
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:09,155
Will wants to keep his music career
separate from his movie career.

281
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:13,488
Like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air
is ever gonna have a movie career.

282
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,496
Get me everything you can. l'll put together
a press kit on him, and we'll just do it.

283
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:19,054
OK.

284
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:22,397
- Patty, get me Kirsch.
- (Patty) Sure, Ollie.

285
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:26,565
l can handle this Fresh Prince stuff
if you wanna take a couple of days...

286
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,906
Hey, Arthur, l can do my job.
l'm all set, OK? You do your job. Go ahead.

287
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,468
Patty, did you not hear me? l asked you
to please get Kirsch on the phone.

288
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:34,844
- Ollie?
- (Patty) I'm trying.

289
00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:36,177
What, man?

290
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,741
l know l told you at the funeral,
but l'm really sorry...

291
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,685
l'm fine.
OK, Arthur? l am fine!

292
00:18:41,755 --> 00:18:44,087
Please go do
what l asked you to do now.

293
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,421
- Kirschner on one.
- OK! Put him on the phone then!

294
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:49,053
- How's the baby?
- The baby is fine, Arthur!

295
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,529
Forget about the baby!
l just wanna do my job!

296
00:18:52,099 --> 00:18:55,398
(Kirschner) Jesus Christ, Ollie!
What the hell you screamin' about?

297
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:58,768
- Patty, was that...
- (turns intercom off)

298
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,012
(baby crying)

299
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,051
( Ollie) I'm working on that right now.
Don't worry.

300
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,610
Just get there early
and deal with the menu. OK?

301
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:18,124
Hey! Are you deaf?
The kid is cryin' up there.

302
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,591
Can you deal with that? l'm doing
something important. OK? Thanks.

303
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,720
What the hell could be more
important than your kid crying?

304
00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:26,288
l have a memorabilia donation
ceremony in the morning

305
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,800
that my company is treating
like a royal wedding

306
00:19:28,869 --> 00:19:32,737
'cause apparently the client's the most
beloved American musician since Elvis.

307
00:19:32,806 --> 00:19:34,967
The kid's been screaming
for the last ten minutes.

308
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,135
lf it bothers you so much,
go up there and give her a bottle. OK?

309
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:41,044
Sorry. lt's a nightmare
trying to work at this house.

310
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,747
Jesus! Let me call you back, OK?

311
00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:48,017
- What, Dad?
- Listen, kid.

312
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:52,582
l lost a wife too, remember?
So l get how you're feelin'. But come on.

313
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,492
You were married for what, 20 years?
l got about 20 minutes.

314
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,395
So you don't ''get''
how l'm feeling at all, OK?

315
00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:01,764
l'm sorry, Oliver, but that don't change
the fact that you're a goddamn father now

316
00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:04,235
and you haven't acted like it
since that kid got home from the hospital!

317
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:08,638
l been calling in sick for a month to do
the things you're supposed to be doin'!

318
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:12,109
Jesus Christ, if Gertie could see
the shit you've been pulling...

319
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:17,643
Gertie doesn't see anything anymore,
Dad. She's dead.

320
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,579
Yeah, she's dead.

321
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:26,692
But you ain't.
And neither is that kid.

322
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,751
(baby continues crying)

323
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,932
(dialing)

324
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,467
Yeah. lt's nothin'.

325
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,065
Uh...

326
00:20:43,143 --> 00:20:45,873
All right, so l'm gonna do the kit.
lt's almost finished.

327
00:20:45,946 --> 00:20:48,972
You can deal with the menu.
What time's Will getting there?

328
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,286
(baby crying)

329
00:21:00,227 --> 00:21:02,855
Dad, the baby's up!

330
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,723
(crying continues)

331
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,325
Dad! The baby needs to be fed!

332
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,837
Dad!

333
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,506
(Bart) What the hell...?!

334
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:29,178
Are you nuts?
What, are you trying to get killed?!

335
00:21:29,256 --> 00:21:32,487
- What are you doing?
- Searching for Christ. What's it look like?

336
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:35,357
lt would have been nice if you'd told me
you were leaving the house!

337
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:39,023
That way, l could've given you the baby
instead of driving all the way down here!

338
00:21:39,099 --> 00:21:42,728
- Now l'm gonna hit traffic!
- No, you ain't giving me the baby.

339
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:49,535
Hey! Excuse me?

340
00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:51,702
l got uptown and downtown
to do this morning.

341
00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:55,646
- You're on your own with the kid today.
- What?! No!

342
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:58,616
l have this press conference l have to do
this morning, Dad! You know that!

343
00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:02,587
- l got a job to do too.
- lf l don't leave right now...

344
00:22:02,656 --> 00:22:04,749
- So leave!
- And do what with the baby?!

345
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:07,520
- Take her with you!
- Goddamn it! l...

346
00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:11,520
Look, l know l haven't been
helping out that much with the baby...

347
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:13,589
Listen to you, ''Helping out
that much with the baby.''

348
00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:15,191
She's your daughter,
for Christ's sakes!

349
00:22:15,268 --> 00:22:20,001
- What am l supposed to do with her?!
- Try acting like her father, shithead!

350
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,465
Goddamn it!

351
00:22:56,076 --> 00:22:57,566
Folks, l'm sorry.

352
00:22:59,179 --> 00:23:02,842
- Sorry. Steve.
- What the...?!

353
00:23:02,916 --> 00:23:05,976
- l ordered diapers. Did they get here yet?
- You mean baby diapers?

354
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,384
Why didn't you start half an hour ago?
You shouldn't have waited for me!

355
00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:10,650
- We're waiting for Will.
- Will's not here?!

356
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:13,192
- No.
- Are either of you guys Trinket?

357
00:23:13,259 --> 00:23:15,159
- Close enough. Where is he?
- We're not sure.

358
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:17,958
Damn! That baby smells like shit.
You know that, right?

359
00:23:18,031 --> 00:23:19,794
(Arthur) lt's a good thing
you finally showed up, man.

360
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:23,165
- They're gettin' all rowdy out there.
- Oh, Mother of God!

361
00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:25,033
- What? Jesus...
- Ollie!

362
00:23:25,105 --> 00:23:28,734
Ollie, the guy from Rolling Stone...
Holy shit! What is that smell?

363
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:32,005
Grow up, Susan! lt's a dirty diaper.
What did the Rolling Stone guy say?

364
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:34,069
lf we don't start in five minutes,
they're leaving

365
00:23:34,147 --> 00:23:36,615
to go cover the Blues Traveler
signing at Tower.

366
00:23:36,683 --> 00:23:39,914
- Jesus Christ!
- Hey, you're doing that wrong.

367
00:23:39,986 --> 00:23:42,011
- What?
- You're doing that wrong.

368
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:45,023
You're supposed to wipe front to back.
You're wiping back to front.

369
00:23:45,091 --> 00:23:48,424
You do that, you're just wiping
the poop into her...

370
00:23:48,495 --> 00:23:50,326
..crevice.

371
00:23:50,997 --> 00:23:52,726
Get outta here! Beat it!

372
00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:55,165
Mark my words,
you're gonna give her the crotch-rot.

373
00:23:55,235 --> 00:23:57,328
- Would one of you do... You do this.
- Oh, not me. No.

374
00:23:57,404 --> 00:23:59,395
Will you do this
so l can go out there and calm them down?

375
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:02,703
Why, because l'm a girl?
l've never even seen a naked baby. No!

376
00:24:02,776 --> 00:24:05,404
Fine. Thank you very much.
l'm gonna remember this.

377
00:24:05,478 --> 00:24:09,039
- How much of this am l supposed to use?
- Should l get that guy back?

378
00:24:09,115 --> 00:24:11,515
lf it's for the smell,
l suggest you use a lot.

379
00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:16,078
Ooh! You gotta turn... turn it.
You gotta turn the top!

380
00:24:16,156 --> 00:24:18,784
Oh! Direct it at the baby.

381
00:24:18,858 --> 00:24:23,295
Thank you! Go out there, please,
and tell them we're about to start!

382
00:24:28,268 --> 00:24:30,259
l'd say more.

383
00:24:35,341 --> 00:24:36,535
That's a lot.

384
00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:37,906
(music playing)

385
00:24:39,512 --> 00:24:41,912
All right,
the Fresh Prince is almost here.

386
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:45,075
ls that blow on your shirt?

387
00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:49,110
What do you think, Stretch?
This is show business, right?

388
00:24:49,189 --> 00:24:52,590
- That was a joke, people.
- Where's the Fresh Prince?

389
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:54,991
- The Fresh Prince is on his way.
- (baby crying)

390
00:24:55,061 --> 00:24:56,926
- lt's crying. Will you take it?
- No! No.

391
00:24:56,996 --> 00:25:00,295
- ls that Jazzy Jeff?
- (all laugh)

392
00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:02,527
This is bullshit!
Where's the Fresh Prince?

393
00:25:02,602 --> 00:25:05,298
Will someone please shut that girl up?

394
00:25:05,371 --> 00:25:08,169
Enough with the Romper Room, man!
Bring out the Fresh Prince!

395
00:25:08,241 --> 00:25:10,141
(chanting) Fresh Prince! Fresh Prince!

396
00:25:11,211 --> 00:25:13,736
- Please take her.
- (chanting continues)

397
00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:16,239
l, uh...

398
00:25:18,818 --> 00:25:23,221
Goddamn it! Christ!
Give her to me! Give me the baby.

399
00:25:23,289 --> 00:25:25,280
(chanting continues)

400
00:25:34,267 --> 00:25:38,431
Would you people just shut the hell up
with the ''Fresh Prince'' already?!

401
00:25:38,505 --> 00:25:40,564
He's a two-bit TV actor...

402
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,938
who won't be around any longer
than it takes for the ink to dry

403
00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:47,810
on the pages of the worthless rags
you jerk-offs write for!

404
00:25:47,881 --> 00:25:49,041
(silence)

405
00:25:51,484 --> 00:25:53,349
Shit.

406
00:25:55,822 --> 00:25:58,313
- That guy's toast.
- That's a hell of a quote.

407
00:26:03,596 --> 00:26:06,588
(# ''Swing Low Sweet Chariot''
by George Jones)

408
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,428
(baby crying)

409
00:26:08,501 --> 00:26:10,901
# Well, I looked over Jordan

410
00:26:10,970 --> 00:26:13,598
- (Arthur crying)
- # And what did I see?

411
00:26:13,673 --> 00:26:15,231
lt's all right, Arthur.

412
00:26:15,308 --> 00:26:20,769
# Comin' for to carry me home

413
00:26:22,916 --> 00:26:26,477
# A band of angels

414
00:26:26,553 --> 00:26:30,045
# Coming after me

415
00:26:30,123 --> 00:26:35,720
# Coming for to carry me home

416
00:26:40,233 --> 00:26:46,570
# Swing low, sweet chariot

417
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:52,678
# Coming for to carry me home

418
00:26:52,745 --> 00:26:58,945
# Swing low, sweet chariot

419
00:26:59,652 --> 00:27:04,487
# Coming for to carry me home

420
00:27:06,559 --> 00:27:14,762
# Coming for to carry me home

421
00:27:21,774 --> 00:27:23,264
We won't be here too long, Dad.

422
00:27:23,343 --> 00:27:26,835
We'll be out of your hair
as soon as l get another job.

423
00:27:26,913 --> 00:27:29,711
l have some feelers out
to the other firms right now.

424
00:27:29,782 --> 00:27:32,842
As soon as this whole thing
blows over...

425
00:27:32,919 --> 00:27:37,583
lt's OK to stay here as long as you need to,
till you get back on your feet.

426
00:27:37,657 --> 00:27:40,217
- l appreciate that.
- On one condition.

427
00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:44,787
- Here we go.
- You put the kid to bed every night.

428
00:27:44,864 --> 00:27:47,856
- That's it?
- For starters.

429
00:27:47,934 --> 00:27:51,028
And no whores.
l don't want no whores in my house.

430
00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:55,434
l'm not really a whoremonger, Dad.

431
00:27:55,508 --> 00:27:58,033
Here, the kid gets this.

432
00:27:58,111 --> 00:28:01,444
That's cute.
8:00, you both get a bottle.

433
00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:06,042
Just shut the hell up and go be a father,
would ya, please?

434
00:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,733
No?

435
00:28:38,551 --> 00:28:43,113
(clears throat) Yeah, this is only temporary,
us... you know...

436
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:45,817
living with your grandfather here.

437
00:28:47,527 --> 00:28:49,427
So...

438
00:28:50,997 --> 00:28:54,125
how about that Fresh Prince thing, huh?

439
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,430
lt was quite a show.

440
00:28:57,070 --> 00:28:59,698
Your dad's one big horse's ass.

441
00:29:01,741 --> 00:29:04,733
Daddy's ex-bosses said
the guys who did PR for Hitler

442
00:29:04,811 --> 00:29:08,679
have a better chance of working in
this business again than Daddy does.

443
00:29:12,552 --> 00:29:14,884
So, OK...

444
00:29:16,322 --> 00:29:18,790
How're you doin'?

445
00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:26,460
Yeah... You know,
you kinda look like your mom.

446
00:29:26,532 --> 00:29:30,434
Like a squishier,
balder version of your mom.

447
00:29:36,309 --> 00:29:38,277
Man...

448
00:29:38,344 --> 00:29:41,677
l just wish you could've gotten
to meet your mom.

449
00:29:42,648 --> 00:29:47,551
l know she wanted to meet you...
in a big, bad way.

450
00:29:50,323 --> 00:29:52,587
ln a big, bad way.

451
00:29:56,996 --> 00:30:01,626
Sometimes, Daddy wishes
he'd have died instead of Mommy.

452
00:30:02,502 --> 00:30:05,437
Because Mommy never would've...

453
00:30:05,505 --> 00:30:09,305
let work get in the way of...
getting to know you,

454
00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:14,108
like Daddy has for the last...
month or so.

455
00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:21,847
lt's just that Daddy...
he didn't expect Mommy...

456
00:30:22,889 --> 00:30:25,414
(sighs) to leave the way she did.

457
00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:33,665
lt's just really hard on Daddy, who's been
trying to fill up his days with work,

458
00:30:33,733 --> 00:30:39,035
so he wouldn't have to think about
Mommy never being around again.

459
00:30:40,039 --> 00:30:42,940
l just loved your mom so much.

460
00:30:43,009 --> 00:30:45,000
You know?

461
00:30:45,978 --> 00:30:48,412
She really lit my world on fire.

462
00:30:50,950 --> 00:30:53,111
When that happens...

463
00:30:54,120 --> 00:31:00,081
you kinda think it'll go on like that
until one of you dies. You know?

464
00:31:00,159 --> 00:31:03,253
You just don't expect...

465
00:31:03,329 --> 00:31:06,594
l miss her so much. So, so much.

466
00:31:13,239 --> 00:31:17,972
And you're a little piece of Mommy. And
that makes you really special to Daddy.

467
00:31:30,990 --> 00:31:32,981
Just don't go anywhere.

468
00:31:33,059 --> 00:31:36,551
'Cause you're the next best thing
to Mommy, and l love you so much.

469
00:31:36,629 --> 00:31:38,893
And l'll always be here for you.

470
00:31:38,965 --> 00:31:42,162
And l'm sorry about
the way l've been acting.

471
00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:46,672
l promise you...
l'll be better now.

472
00:31:46,739 --> 00:31:50,072
l'm gonna be the best daddy
in the world.

473
00:31:50,142 --> 00:31:55,136
'Cause that's what Mommy wanted.
And that's what you deserve.

474
00:31:56,682 --> 00:31:59,116
And that's all l am now.

475
00:32:00,319 --> 00:32:02,787
l'm just your dad.

476
00:32:21,274 --> 00:32:24,402
Your dad likes to run off at the mouth
sometimes, l know.

477
00:32:25,244 --> 00:32:26,233
(sneezes)

478
00:32:28,915 --> 00:32:31,543
Your mother wasn't a fan, either.

479
00:32:33,386 --> 00:32:37,015
You wanna see a picture
of your mom? l have one.

480
00:32:38,758 --> 00:32:42,660
This was your mommy.
She was really pretty.

481
00:32:43,262 --> 00:32:45,753
OK. You can keep it.

482
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,994
Daddy's got a bunch.

483
00:32:51,370 --> 00:32:53,861
There you go.

484
00:33:04,350 --> 00:33:07,080
Goodnight, Gertie.

485
00:33:24,337 --> 00:33:26,464
(bell ringing)

486
00:33:26,539 --> 00:33:29,235
(# ''Worlds They Rise and Fall''
by Mike Heron)

487
00:33:32,311 --> 00:33:34,677
# Worlds...

488
00:33:35,948 --> 00:33:38,678
# They rise and fall

489
00:33:40,553 --> 00:33:41,315
( Ollie) Gertie!

490
00:33:41,387 --> 00:33:43,480
# Within her eyes

491
00:33:44,657 --> 00:33:47,251
Your chariot awaits, Princess.

492
00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:49,123
Let's go!

493
00:33:50,896 --> 00:33:53,831
We gotta go! Argh!

494
00:33:53,899 --> 00:33:56,197
# To fly in the sky

495
00:33:56,268 --> 00:33:58,168
- How was school, good?
- Mm-hm.

496
00:33:58,237 --> 00:33:59,829
- You have a nice time?
- Yep.

497
00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:02,738
Remember to put your seat belt on?
Know where to find it?

498
00:34:02,808 --> 00:34:03,297
Yep.

499
00:34:03,376 --> 00:34:08,837
Lock and load.
Comin' around. Get ready.

500
00:34:17,790 --> 00:34:20,623
- Ready?
- Punch it, Chewy!

501
00:34:23,696 --> 00:34:26,290
- Can we go see Cats?
- Absolutely not.

502
00:34:26,365 --> 00:34:27,423
Why?

503
00:34:27,500 --> 00:34:29,934
Cats was the second-worst thing
that ever happened to New York City.

504
00:34:30,002 --> 00:34:33,802
- Besides, Cats closed three years ago.
- We never do anything cool.

505
00:34:33,873 --> 00:34:37,502
You're ridin' in the Batmobile,
aren't ya? How cool is that?

506
00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:39,100
Oh, my God.

507
00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:41,976
Look, no one's more depressed than me
that driving the street sweeper

508
00:34:42,048 --> 00:34:44,380
is considered the height
of excitement in my life.

509
00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,281
l used to live in New York City.

510
00:34:46,352 --> 00:34:48,343
l could've gone to see Cats
three times a day.

511
00:34:48,421 --> 00:34:52,289
- lt's not like l ever ask for anything.
- Oh-ho-ho!

512
00:34:52,358 --> 00:34:54,622
''And the Oscar goes to Gertie Trinke,

513
00:34:54,694 --> 00:34:57,857
for her performance in
Laying It On Thick For My Old Man.''

514
00:34:59,532 --> 00:35:01,500
What is it with you and Cats
all of a sudden?

515
00:35:01,567 --> 00:35:04,468
l wanna sing a Cats song
in the big show, like everybody else.

516
00:35:04,537 --> 00:35:07,335
- What big show?
- There's gonna be this big show at school.

517
00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:10,603
All the people have to sing a song
with people from their family.

518
00:35:10,676 --> 00:35:14,669
- Are you inviting me to this big show?
- Duh! Yeah, you and Pop too.

519
00:35:14,747 --> 00:35:18,183
Oh-ho! l'm sure that'll go over
huge with your pop.

520
00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:20,411
Can Uncle Greenie and Uncle Block
be in it too?

521
00:35:20,486 --> 00:35:23,887
Those men are not your uncles.
They're barely even your peers.

522
00:35:23,956 --> 00:35:25,014
Pee-ers?

523
00:35:25,091 --> 00:35:28,754
- When is this big show?
- Right before Thanksgiving break.

524
00:35:28,828 --> 00:35:30,591
Does it have to be something
from the Bible?

525
00:35:30,663 --> 00:35:33,223
l don't think so.
ls Cats in the Bible?

526
00:35:33,299 --> 00:35:35,927
The Satanic Bible, yes.

527
00:35:44,944 --> 00:35:47,606
- What?
- When you taking her to see the cats?

528
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,046
Jesus, you too?

529
00:35:50,116 --> 00:35:51,879
Gertie!

530
00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:55,612
Do you even know what Cats is, Dad?

531
00:35:55,688 --> 00:35:59,522
- What, l don't read the papers?
- You don't read that paper.

532
00:35:59,592 --> 00:36:01,423
What are you doing with
a New York Times?

533
00:36:01,494 --> 00:36:03,018
They ran out of the Ledger.

534
00:36:03,095 --> 00:36:05,586
They don't have the Jumble
in the Times, Dad.

535
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,962
Shit.

536
00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:10,726
- Where were you?
- l was in the bathroom.

537
00:36:10,803 --> 00:36:14,136
- Why didn't l hear the toilet flush?
- Oh. l forgot.

538
00:36:14,206 --> 00:36:16,970
OK, march your butt back upstairs
and flush that toilet.

539
00:36:17,042 --> 00:36:18,805
And when l say no about something,

540
00:36:18,878 --> 00:36:21,369
like, l don't know, Cats, maybe,
l mean no.

541
00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:22,709
OK?

542
00:36:22,782 --> 00:36:27,310
- Pop, you were supposed to be subtle!
- Why do you teach her words like that?

543
00:36:27,386 --> 00:36:29,877
You're gonna have to mow the park
for me tomorrow. l can't do it.

544
00:36:29,955 --> 00:36:32,924
- Why the hell not?
- l have an appointment in the city at 1 1 :00.

545
00:36:32,992 --> 00:36:35,483
Jesus, kid,
why do you keep doin' it to yourself?

546
00:36:35,561 --> 00:36:37,620
How many of these interviews
you gotta go on

547
00:36:37,696 --> 00:36:39,095
before you get it through
your thick head

548
00:36:39,165 --> 00:36:41,497
they don't want you
in that business anymore?

549
00:36:41,567 --> 00:36:44,331
For Christ's sakes, you made fun
of that Prince Charles guy.

550
00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:46,394
- (toilet flushing)
- Thank you.

551
00:36:46,472 --> 00:36:50,033
First of all, Dad,
l didn't ''make fun'' of anybody.

552
00:36:50,109 --> 00:36:53,510
l made one remark about Will Smith,
the Fresh Prince.

553
00:36:53,579 --> 00:36:55,672
Sooner or later,
everyone's gonna forget about that

554
00:36:55,748 --> 00:36:57,773
and l'm gonna go back to doing
what l'm really good at,

555
00:36:57,850 --> 00:37:01,445
instead of sweeping streets
and plowing snow and picking up garbage.

556
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:02,851
OK?

557
00:37:02,922 --> 00:37:07,586
lf you're going into the city anyway,
at least take the kid to see the cats.

558
00:37:07,660 --> 00:37:09,287
( Ollie sighs)

559
00:37:09,361 --> 00:37:10,919
Oh, God...

560
00:37:10,996 --> 00:37:13,863
l'll tell you what,
since there is no more Cats,

561
00:37:13,933 --> 00:37:19,371
Gertie, why don't you come over here and
pick out another play that you wanna see?

562
00:37:19,438 --> 00:37:23,101
Look through here.
Anything you want. Go nuts.

563
00:37:23,175 --> 00:37:26,941
- Cats is a show?
- Yeah, you read the papers.

564
00:37:29,348 --> 00:37:31,179
You think you're slick,
don't ya, young lady?

565
00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:33,548
Next time you're lookin'
for a partner in crime,

566
00:37:33,619 --> 00:37:35,883
you're gonna have to aim higher
than your grandfather.

567
00:37:35,955 --> 00:37:39,447
- (whispers) He's soft in the head.
- (Bart) l heard that!

568
00:37:42,428 --> 00:37:44,692
Here.
Can we go see this show?

569
00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:47,732
Sweeney Todd? Do you know
that this has a lot of singing?

570
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,792
- lt's still a play.
- OK. l'm just checking.

571
00:37:50,870 --> 00:37:54,203
Your dad one time lost a bet
with someone at his work,

572
00:37:54,273 --> 00:37:58,073
and he had to go see a singing play,
done by people on roller skates.

573
00:37:58,143 --> 00:38:01,078
- Cool!
- Your dad didn't think so.

574
00:38:01,380 --> 00:38:03,371
( Ollie) l handled primarily
recording artists

575
00:38:03,616 --> 00:38:07,382
but when l initially trained,
l trained in film PR, so l can do that too.

576
00:38:08,420 --> 00:38:13,653
l, uh... took the last six or seven years off.
l was raising my daughter in New Jersey.

577
00:38:13,726 --> 00:38:18,095
But l kept abreast, so...
l'm pretty comfortable jumping back in.

578
00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:21,360
What else can l tell you guys? Uh...

579
00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:24,095
That's it.
l can start, you know, right away.

580
00:38:28,107 --> 00:38:31,668
- You guys all right?
- (clears throat)

581
00:38:34,513 --> 00:38:39,177
Are you the Ollie Trinke? The one
who used to work at MandellKirschner?

582
00:38:41,053 --> 00:38:41,576
Yeah.

583
00:38:41,654 --> 00:38:45,454
- Son of a bitch!
- Yes! l told you, Reynolds! Pay up!

584
00:38:45,524 --> 00:38:47,924
- (Reynolds) l got it.
- Am l missin' somethin'?

585
00:38:47,993 --> 00:38:50,826
Nah, nah, he just bet me
you were the Ollie Trinke,

586
00:38:50,896 --> 00:38:52,523
the one who pulled ''The Fresh Prince''.

587
00:38:52,598 --> 00:38:54,862
- They named it?
- Of course!

588
00:38:54,934 --> 00:38:57,266
Are you kidding?
You're a legend, man!

589
00:38:57,336 --> 00:39:00,134
You did what every flack
only dreams about doing!

590
00:39:00,205 --> 00:39:02,173
- Which was what?
- You went apeshit!

591
00:39:02,241 --> 00:39:04,209
You trashed your client
back to the Stone Age.

592
00:39:04,276 --> 00:39:06,574
- Yeah.
- We bow to you, man.

593
00:39:06,645 --> 00:39:09,045
- You're like a god around here.
- Yep, exactly.

594
00:39:09,114 --> 00:39:12,481
- God enough to get a job?
- No.

595
00:39:12,551 --> 00:39:16,248
- What, are you insane?
- No chance, Trinke! (laughing)

596
00:39:17,690 --> 00:39:20,853
- Pop, l'm home!
- (Bart) Yeah, like l give a shit.

597
00:39:20,926 --> 00:39:22,723
You know, thanks a lot, Pop!

598
00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:33,629
- That's what it looks like?
- l guess.

599
00:39:33,706 --> 00:39:36,834
- What does yours look like?
- Not like that.

600
00:39:36,909 --> 00:39:38,672
Yeah? Let me see.

601
00:39:38,744 --> 00:39:40,735
All right.

602
00:39:41,914 --> 00:39:45,247
( Ollie) Gertie!
lt's time for Bryan to go home.

603
00:39:55,394 --> 00:39:57,225
OK...

604
00:40:04,203 --> 00:40:07,172
- What are your intentions?
- Huh?

605
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,299
What are your intentions
with my daughter?

606
00:40:10,376 --> 00:40:14,335
- Do you plan on marrying her?
- l don't know.

607
00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:18,179
Well, only married boys and girls,
ahem...

608
00:40:18,250 --> 00:40:20,650
show each other their, uh...

609
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,279
their, you know, uh...

610
00:40:23,355 --> 00:40:25,721
..parts.

611
00:40:25,791 --> 00:40:26,815
OK?

612
00:40:29,094 --> 00:40:33,793
OK, Bryan, you can go now.
lf you come back, come back with a ring.

613
00:40:33,866 --> 00:40:35,697
Yes, Mr. Trinke.

614
00:40:35,768 --> 00:40:37,531
- Bye, Gertie.
- Bye.

615
00:40:37,603 --> 00:40:39,730
Goodbye, Bryan.

616
00:40:42,307 --> 00:40:43,934
OK.

617
00:40:44,877 --> 00:40:47,437
Do you have any, uh...

618
00:40:48,647 --> 00:40:52,242
questions about what you...

619
00:40:52,317 --> 00:40:53,807
you know...

620
00:40:55,554 --> 00:40:58,421
you know, whatever, saw?

621
00:41:02,995 --> 00:41:05,190
Do you have what Bryan has?

622
00:41:09,301 --> 00:41:13,704
Yes, l have one... too.

623
00:41:16,275 --> 00:41:18,505
ls yours as big as his?

624
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,539
Sadly, yes.

625
00:41:24,116 --> 00:41:26,778
- Can we rent a movie?
- Yes.

626
00:41:29,421 --> 00:41:33,414
- So they wouldn't give you a job, huh?
- No. But apparently, Daddy's a legend.

627
00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:36,518
You don't need that job anyway.
You already got a job.

628
00:41:36,595 --> 00:41:39,860
Yes, well,
Daddy used to have a job

629
00:41:39,932 --> 00:41:42,230
where a nightly shower was an option,
not a necessity.

630
00:41:42,301 --> 00:41:44,496
- You know what job you should do?
- What's that?

631
00:41:44,570 --> 00:41:47,266
You should be a dance teacher,
like Johnny in Dirty Dancing.

632
00:41:47,339 --> 00:41:51,742
l should? Should l say,
''Nobody puts Baby in a corner''?

633
00:41:51,810 --> 00:41:53,675
Oh, can we rent
Dirty Dancing again?

634
00:41:53,745 --> 00:41:57,647
Ohh... Dirty Dancing ranks one notch
below Cats in my book.

635
00:41:57,716 --> 00:42:00,241
Can you pick out something else?

636
00:42:02,221 --> 00:42:04,382
Can we rent this?

637
00:42:04,456 --> 00:42:08,153
Absolutely not. Go pick out something
from the children's section.

638
00:42:08,227 --> 00:42:11,993
- All those movies suck.
- Watch your language.

639
00:42:39,958 --> 00:42:42,426
Nah, that's...

640
00:42:42,494 --> 00:42:45,019
No, l guess that's it.
Yep, yep, that's it.

641
00:42:46,565 --> 00:42:49,693
l'll just take this
and whatever the kid's getting.

642
00:42:49,768 --> 00:42:53,295
Just go ahead and put it in the bag.
l'm all set.

643
00:42:53,372 --> 00:42:55,363
lt's good.

644
00:42:57,709 --> 00:43:01,372
''Bi-Bi Guys, featuring Curious Jordie''?

645
00:43:03,282 --> 00:43:06,979
lnteresting choice. Does the wife know
you're looking into your options?

646
00:43:07,052 --> 00:43:09,179
lt's... l got the...

647
00:43:10,155 --> 00:43:12,385
- l got the wrong box by accident.
- Oh, right.

648
00:43:12,457 --> 00:43:15,620
Would you mind, uh...
exchanging that for me for something...

649
00:43:15,694 --> 00:43:18,390
anything you can get your hands on
that's, you know...

650
00:43:18,463 --> 00:43:22,160
- So, then you want something...
- ...that's non-bi.

651
00:43:27,906 --> 00:43:29,703
Can l have your
membership card, please?

652
00:43:29,775 --> 00:43:31,572
Yeah, sure.

653
00:43:31,643 --> 00:43:35,079
Do you mind if l asked you a few questions
about your renting practices?

654
00:43:35,147 --> 00:43:37,081
Uh... sure.

655
00:43:37,149 --> 00:43:38,912
Really? Uh...

656
00:43:38,984 --> 00:43:43,785
Do you always rent adult titles with your
daughter in tow, or is this the first time?

657
00:43:43,855 --> 00:43:44,753
Excuse me?

658
00:43:44,823 --> 00:43:48,156
When you rent porn, do you
usually do it with family around,

659
00:43:48,227 --> 00:43:51,025
or is this like a, you know,
special occasion?

660
00:43:52,231 --> 00:43:56,827
- Do l have to answer this?
- l'm a grad student, writing a thesis paper.

661
00:43:56,902 --> 00:44:01,737
''A Bird in the Hand: The Family Man
and the Pornographic Fixation''.

662
00:44:03,375 --> 00:44:05,707
OK. l would rather not take part.

663
00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:07,142
Really?

664
00:44:07,212 --> 00:44:10,409
Frank, is Bi-Bi Guys
a one or a two-night rental?

665
00:44:10,482 --> 00:44:14,509
- What are you getting, Daddy?
- Yeah, Daddy. Let's just take a look...

666
00:44:14,586 --> 00:44:16,554
Let's not, OK?

667
00:44:19,858 --> 00:44:23,817
Would you mind not asking me those
questions when my daughter's with me?

668
00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:26,420
How about when you bring these back?

669
00:44:26,498 --> 00:44:28,432
That's... Yeah.

670
00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:33,699
ln an effort to get honest feedback,
leave the kid and the wife at home.

671
00:44:33,772 --> 00:44:37,037
My mom's dead.
She died when l was born.

672
00:44:37,109 --> 00:44:38,940
Oh, Jesus.

673
00:44:39,645 --> 00:44:41,943
Man, l'm sorry. l didn't...

674
00:44:42,014 --> 00:44:44,448
No, you didn't.

675
00:44:47,185 --> 00:44:48,914
Let's go.

676
00:44:50,956 --> 00:44:53,151
l'm sorry.

677
00:44:53,225 --> 00:44:55,250
Do I have to?

678
00:44:55,327 --> 00:45:00,458
Major Damage didn't have to go to bed
when he fought the Tiki Terrors!

679
00:45:00,532 --> 00:45:02,500
- (mom) Melvin!
- And do they...

680
00:45:02,567 --> 00:45:04,398
- (knocking)
- l'll get it.

681
00:45:04,469 --> 00:45:07,802
You will not. You're not even
supposed to be up this late.

682
00:45:07,873 --> 00:45:10,137
Watch your video.

683
00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:13,006
- (Melvin) But, Mom!
- (mom) Say, ''OK, Mom.''

684
00:45:13,078 --> 00:45:15,740
- (Melvin) Ahh!
- (mom) Say, ''OK, Mom.''

685
00:45:16,615 --> 00:45:17,980
Hi.

686
00:45:18,050 --> 00:45:20,280
Hey! You're the lady
from the video store.

687
00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:25,952
Let's not use that term too loosely, OK?
Go back and watch your video.

688
00:45:28,393 --> 00:45:29,621
Yes?

689
00:45:29,695 --> 00:45:31,686
l just wanted to come here

690
00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:35,529
and tell you that l'm really sorry
about earlier tonight.

691
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:39,366
l feel like shit about what l said
and your daughter and everything.

692
00:45:39,438 --> 00:45:42,407
Well... you should.

693
00:45:42,474 --> 00:45:44,669
You know that kid was crying
in the car the whole way home?

694
00:45:44,743 --> 00:45:47,473
- Oh, no...
- No, l wasn't.

695
00:45:48,013 --> 00:45:51,676
- Get back inside and watch your video!
- Nice! Real nice.

696
00:45:51,750 --> 00:45:55,447
See, now you have to let me
interview you for my paper.

697
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,044
ls that why you're here?

698
00:45:57,122 --> 00:46:00,057
l just think you'd make one hell of
an interesting case study.

699
00:46:00,125 --> 00:46:04,391
The sympathetic widower who doesn't
have time to date 'cause he's raising a kid,

700
00:46:04,463 --> 00:46:07,796
so he rents porn instead. l mean,
l think that's very interesting stuff.

701
00:46:07,866 --> 00:46:10,357
Jesus Christ!
You've got some nerve, lady.

702
00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:13,802
And besides,
l'd really like to make it up to you.

703
00:46:13,872 --> 00:46:16,864
For what l said,
and for embarrassing you before that.

704
00:46:16,942 --> 00:46:19,968
You're really having a banner evening.
You're batting a thousand tonight.

705
00:46:20,045 --> 00:46:23,481
You're Ollie, right?
l'm Maya Harding.

706
00:46:26,418 --> 00:46:28,409
''Hi, Maya. Nice to meet you.''

707
00:46:28,487 --> 00:46:29,476
Hi.

708
00:46:29,554 --> 00:46:32,216
Come on, why don't you let me
take you out one day this week?

709
00:46:32,290 --> 00:46:36,021
You do eat lunch when you're not
knee-deep in adult movies, right?

710
00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:40,122
l appreciate it, but, uh...
no thanks.

711
00:46:40,198 --> 00:46:43,190
Ollie, come on,
you're ruining my karma level here.

712
00:46:43,268 --> 00:46:45,862
What, buying me one lunch
is gonna square you with Krishna?

713
00:46:45,937 --> 00:46:47,427
Hare Hare!

714
00:46:50,442 --> 00:46:52,740
ls Monday OK?
Sound good?

715
00:46:52,811 --> 00:46:57,805
l mean, l was thinking nothing fancy.
l was thinking maybe, like, the diner.

716
00:46:57,883 --> 00:47:01,046
- Around noon?
- No!

717
00:47:02,521 --> 00:47:04,386
Noon it is!

718
00:47:04,456 --> 00:47:06,185
Oh...

719
00:47:06,258 --> 00:47:08,283
See you there. Bye!

720
00:47:11,029 --> 00:47:13,156
An incredibly strange woman.

721
00:47:13,231 --> 00:47:15,256
(honking horn)

722
00:47:23,041 --> 00:47:25,737
l did not hear the toilet flush.

723
00:47:30,749 --> 00:47:32,182
Thank you.

724
00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:39,352
- Can we get popcorn?
- This isn't the movies, sweetheart.

725
00:47:39,424 --> 00:47:44,760
They don't sell popcorn here.
This is Broadway. This is class.

726
00:47:44,830 --> 00:47:47,264
# And if you're beautiful

727
00:47:47,332 --> 00:47:48,321
# What then?

728
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,766
# With yellow hair like wheat

729
00:47:50,836 --> 00:47:55,170
# l think we shall not meet again,
my little dove

730
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:58,300
# My sweet Johanna

731
00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:05,877
# Goodbye, Johanna

732
00:48:06,318 --> 00:48:08,912
# You're gone and yet you're mine

733
00:48:09,421 --> 00:48:11,685
# l'm fine, Johanna

734
00:48:11,756 --> 00:48:15,487
# l'm fine

735
00:48:15,927 --> 00:48:19,761
( Ollie) OK. You see that floor.
Now look three windows in from the right.

736
00:48:19,831 --> 00:48:23,699
See that window? That's where we
used to live before we lived with Pop.

737
00:48:23,768 --> 00:48:26,362
We'd still live there
if we lived in the city.

738
00:48:26,438 --> 00:48:29,373
- lf Mommy was still alive?
- Yep.

739
00:48:30,275 --> 00:48:31,799
- Dad...
- Yes?

740
00:48:31,877 --> 00:48:34,345
Do you miss Mommy?

741
00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:37,210
l do. Every day.

742
00:48:37,949 --> 00:48:41,476
- What was she like?
- l've told you a million times.

743
00:48:41,553 --> 00:48:45,080
- l know, but l forget.
- No, l don't think you forget.

744
00:48:45,156 --> 00:48:47,954
l think you just like to hear me tell you.
Which is OK. lt's all right.

745
00:48:48,026 --> 00:48:49,687
You can ask about your mommy
as much as you want.

746
00:48:49,761 --> 00:48:51,285
So tell me already.

747
00:48:51,363 --> 00:48:54,332
Well, she was pushy,
like you were right there.

748
00:48:54,399 --> 00:48:58,392
She was beautiful,
like you are right now.

749
00:48:58,470 --> 00:49:02,031
And she was... smart...

750
00:49:03,174 --> 00:49:06,007
and strong,
like you'll grow up to be one day.

751
00:49:06,077 --> 00:49:07,374
l'm smart now.

752
00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:09,970
l know. l wasn't impugning
your intelligence or anything.

753
00:49:10,048 --> 00:49:12,039
What's ''impugning'' mean?

754
00:49:12,117 --> 00:49:14,244
Oh, not so smart now, are you?

755
00:49:14,319 --> 00:49:16,947
- That's a big word.
- Yes, you're right, it is.

756
00:49:17,022 --> 00:49:19,650
Let's see.
To impugn means to criticize.

757
00:49:19,724 --> 00:49:24,058
So... Pop's always impugning you, right?

758
00:49:24,563 --> 00:49:26,053
Well, he thinks he is.

759
00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:28,497
But he's just talking
to make sure he's still alive.

760
00:49:28,567 --> 00:49:31,468
Pop is a very, very old man.

761
00:49:33,371 --> 00:49:35,362
What do you think?
You like the city?

762
00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:38,270
lt's OK.
But l like Highlands better.

763
00:49:38,343 --> 00:49:39,935
- You do?
- Yeah.

764
00:49:40,011 --> 00:49:43,777
My school's there, and my friends...
And we can rent movies there.

765
00:49:43,848 --> 00:49:47,443
Well, if memory serves,
you can rent movies here too.

766
00:49:47,519 --> 00:49:50,613
Yeah, but not from that pretty lady
at the video store.

767
00:49:50,689 --> 00:49:53,055
- Oh, you think she's pretty, do you?
- Don't you?

768
00:49:53,124 --> 00:49:55,922
lsn't that why
you're taking her on a date?

769
00:49:55,994 --> 00:50:00,260
lt's not a date.
The only girl l take on dates is you, OK?

770
00:50:00,332 --> 00:50:01,799
This is a date.
We're on a date.

771
00:50:01,866 --> 00:50:03,629
- We are?
- Mm-hm.

772
00:50:03,702 --> 00:50:06,967
- lt doesn't feel like a date.
- lt doesn't?

773
00:50:07,038 --> 00:50:09,836
Well, l can fix that.

774
00:50:11,776 --> 00:50:12,606
Sir!

775
00:50:31,363 --> 00:50:35,265
(Maya) So, uh, question one:
How often do you rent adult movies?

776
00:50:36,434 --> 00:50:39,801
- Do l really have to do this?
- You have nothing to be ashamed about.

777
00:50:39,871 --> 00:50:43,500
lnterest in adult film can be healthy,
as long as it's not habitual.

778
00:50:43,575 --> 00:50:48,342
- So come on, how often?
- Three or four times a week.

779
00:50:49,114 --> 00:50:51,582
OK, maybe l was wrong.
You should be ashamed.

780
00:50:51,650 --> 00:50:54,016
You have a real talent
for making the subject feel open

781
00:50:54,085 --> 00:50:56,178
and comfortable
in a safe environment.

782
00:50:56,254 --> 00:50:59,348
So you're renting it presumably
to masturbate to, right?

783
00:50:59,424 --> 00:51:01,915
- Good God!
- Come on, don't be such a tight-ass.

784
00:51:01,993 --> 00:51:03,085
We're all adults here.

785
00:51:03,161 --> 00:51:04,958
l know l'm an adult.
How old are you, exactly?

786
00:51:05,030 --> 00:51:07,021
- l'll be 26 in March.
- 26?

787
00:51:07,098 --> 00:51:10,192
You still haven't learned some things
aren't polite to talk about in public?

788
00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:13,863
lf it makes you feel any better,
l do it, like, twice a day.

789
00:51:14,272 --> 00:51:17,799
- Good God!
- What can l tell ya? l get bored easily.

790
00:51:17,876 --> 00:51:20,344
You're gonna get
carpal tunnel syndrome.

791
00:51:20,412 --> 00:51:23,939
Don't get all judgmental with me.
You're no slouch yourself.

792
00:51:24,015 --> 00:51:26,848
- Well, no, l...
- l just have a healthy sexual appetite.

793
00:51:26,918 --> 00:51:29,182
Why don't you go out
and get yourself a boyfriend?

794
00:51:29,254 --> 00:51:31,484
Why don't you just go out
and get yourself a girlfriend?

795
00:51:31,556 --> 00:51:33,649
l work all day,
l hang out with my kid all night.

796
00:51:33,725 --> 00:51:35,989
So you'd rather hang out with your kid
than get laid?

797
00:51:36,061 --> 00:51:41,055
- Yeah.
- Aw... that's kinda sweet.

798
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:44,828
l'm kinda crushin' on you right now, Trinke.

799
00:51:44,903 --> 00:51:47,064
OK. Can l go home now?

800
00:51:47,138 --> 00:51:50,005
No.
When was the last time you had sex?

801
00:51:51,409 --> 00:51:54,310
l would rather not
disclose that information.

802
00:51:54,379 --> 00:51:56,040
Oh, come on,
don't clam up on me now.

803
00:51:56,114 --> 00:51:58,309
You're gonna remain anonymous
in my paper.

804
00:51:58,383 --> 00:52:01,682
Ha! Anonymity doesn't concern me.
Embarrassment does.

805
00:52:01,753 --> 00:52:05,154
- Why would you be embarrassed?
- Because it's been a long time.

806
00:52:05,223 --> 00:52:08,556
- How long?
- A long time.

807
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:11,561
Come on, champ. Own it.
Just put it out there.

808
00:52:11,629 --> 00:52:14,257
l swear l won't make
any editorial cracks about it.

809
00:52:14,332 --> 00:52:16,800
Not in front of you, at least.

810
00:52:19,938 --> 00:52:23,999
- Seven years.
- Seven years?

811
00:52:24,075 --> 00:52:26,805
Since my wife died, yeah.

812
00:52:27,879 --> 00:52:31,781
You know, a dumbfounded,
mouth-agape look of shock

813
00:52:31,850 --> 00:52:34,751
might be construed by some
as an editorial crack too.

814
00:52:35,153 --> 00:52:37,713
- l'm sorry.
- lt's OK. lt's fine.

815
00:52:37,789 --> 00:52:41,156
No, it's not.
l mean, it's not at all.

816
00:52:41,226 --> 00:52:45,390
With all due respect to your wife,
you've gotta get back on the horse, man.

817
00:52:45,463 --> 00:52:48,398
- No, l don't, actually.
- Yes, you do.

818
00:52:48,466 --> 00:52:51,765
- No, l don't.
- Yes, you... Get up.

819
00:52:51,836 --> 00:52:54,964
- Are we done?
- With this, for now. But come with me.

820
00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:56,973
Lord have mercy.

821
00:52:58,543 --> 00:53:00,602
- Where are we going?
- To your place.

822
00:53:00,678 --> 00:53:03,169
We're gonna have some sex.

823
00:53:05,416 --> 00:53:10,479
- What, did you forget something?
- No. Look, l appreciate the offer.

824
00:53:11,389 --> 00:53:14,984
l'm very flattered.
But l can't do this.

825
00:53:15,660 --> 00:53:17,560
What's the matter?
Don't you think l'm cute?

826
00:53:17,629 --> 00:53:20,097
- Of course l think you're cute.
- Well, then?

827
00:53:20,165 --> 00:53:23,134
Look, l'm not just celibate
because of my daughter.

828
00:53:23,201 --> 00:53:25,396
There are a lot of emotional issues in it too.

829
00:53:25,470 --> 00:53:30,100
l mean, my wife may be dead.
l'm still very much in love with her.

830
00:53:30,175 --> 00:53:33,303
Hey, l respect that. l'm not telling you
to fall in love with me here,

831
00:53:33,378 --> 00:53:35,403
and l'm not trying to replace your wife.

832
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:40,042
l'm just talking about two consenting adults
having some casual sex.

833
00:53:40,118 --> 00:53:44,680
Probably some really short casual sex,
with you being a little out of practice.

834
00:53:44,756 --> 00:53:47,691
- l can't do it, l'm sorry.
- What are you, a monk?

835
00:53:47,759 --> 00:53:50,455
God!
Let's look at this logically, OK?

836
00:53:50,528 --> 00:53:54,089
- You rent porn and touch yourself, right?
- Would you lower your voice?

837
00:53:54,165 --> 00:53:57,328
lf you're not sweating how your wife
would feel about you and porn,

838
00:53:57,402 --> 00:54:01,600
then you shouldn't sweat what
l'm proposing 'cause it's the same thing.

839
00:54:01,673 --> 00:54:05,666
Only somebody else is doing the touching
and you're saving a $2 rental fee.

840
00:54:07,111 --> 00:54:11,605
Come on, stud.
Man cannot live on porn alone.

841
00:54:29,300 --> 00:54:31,029
Oh, God...

842
00:54:32,070 --> 00:54:34,334
l'm home!

843
00:54:34,405 --> 00:54:35,497
Pop?!

844
00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:39,873
- Oh, my God... What do l do?
- Get in the bathroom!

845
00:54:53,725 --> 00:54:55,716
(shower running)

846
00:54:57,762 --> 00:55:01,357
- Pop?
- Uh, no, honey, it's me.

847
00:55:01,432 --> 00:55:04,424
Daddy? Why aren't you at work?

848
00:55:05,770 --> 00:55:09,331
Uh, because l had to come home and do...
l had to...

849
00:55:09,407 --> 00:55:11,671
come home and take a shower.

850
00:55:12,677 --> 00:55:15,771
- Can we rent a movie?
- Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

851
00:55:15,847 --> 00:55:19,044
As soon as l get done up here
and dry off, l'll come down.

852
00:55:19,117 --> 00:55:20,914
OK.

853
00:55:23,321 --> 00:55:25,050
Oh, my God.
That was so close.

854
00:55:25,123 --> 00:55:27,421
What do we do now?
l'm wet.

855
00:55:34,499 --> 00:55:36,729
Sorry, Dad, l forgot again.

856
00:55:36,801 --> 00:55:38,359
(flushing)

857
00:55:39,971 --> 00:55:41,632
Shh!

858
00:55:49,013 --> 00:55:50,537
Hi, honey.

859
00:55:50,615 --> 00:55:53,880
You remember Maya.
From the video store.

860
00:56:06,364 --> 00:56:10,266
- What are your intentions?
- Excuse me?

861
00:56:10,335 --> 00:56:12,394
What are your intentions
with my father?

862
00:56:12,470 --> 00:56:14,461
Like, do you plan on marrying him?

863
00:56:14,906 --> 00:56:16,669
Uh... l don't...

864
00:56:16,741 --> 00:56:20,643
Because l was taught that only
married girls show their girl parts to boys.

865
00:56:20,712 --> 00:56:25,775
- Right, Daddy?
- Uh... right. Yes.

866
00:56:26,184 --> 00:56:27,913
Mm-hm.

867
00:56:27,986 --> 00:56:31,012
Can we rent all the movies we want
for free?

868
00:56:31,656 --> 00:56:32,645
What?

869
00:56:32,724 --> 00:56:35,249
Can we rent all the movies we want
for free?

870
00:56:35,326 --> 00:56:38,352
Yes! Yes, yes.
For God's sake, yes.

871
00:56:38,429 --> 00:56:42,729
lf it means we're not, you know,
that we're not in trouble anymore.

872
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:44,199
And... Right, Maya? Yes!

873
00:56:44,268 --> 00:56:46,463
Uh... whatever you want.
lt's on the house.

874
00:56:46,537 --> 00:56:49,335
Even Dirty Dancing?

875
00:56:54,812 --> 00:56:55,506
Yeah.

876
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:58,276
And we can do Sweeney Todd
for the show at school?

877
00:56:58,349 --> 00:56:59,316
What?

878
00:56:59,384 --> 00:57:01,477
We can do Sweeney Todd
for the show at school?

879
00:57:01,552 --> 00:57:05,215
- No, honey, that's too grown-up.
- Really?

880
00:57:06,224 --> 00:57:09,921
Oh man, what am l gonna tell Pop
about you guys?

881
00:57:14,298 --> 00:57:16,994
Fine. We can do Sweeney Todd
for the show at school.

882
00:57:17,068 --> 00:57:18,899
OK!

883
00:57:19,570 --> 00:57:22,471
Would you shut the hell up already?
Christ, Greenie, you're always...

884
00:57:22,540 --> 00:57:23,973
- Oh, Jesus.
- Oh!

885
00:57:24,042 --> 00:57:29,139
Christ Almighty.
You wearin' a... wearin' a towel?

886
00:57:30,648 --> 00:57:32,639
Just as long as you didn't do it
on my bed.

887
00:57:32,750 --> 00:57:37,153
Oh, Jesus Christ, it was one time in
high school! You wanna let it go already?

888
00:57:37,221 --> 00:57:41,351
l banged a broad
in my parents' bed once. lt was nice.

889
00:57:42,093 --> 00:57:46,257
Terrific. Just so you know,
we didn't ''bang''.

890
00:57:46,330 --> 00:57:48,321
- What, did ya get to third base?
- No!

891
00:57:48,399 --> 00:57:50,526
Not that it's any of your business,
but we didn't do anything.

892
00:57:50,601 --> 00:57:53,092
We lost our heads for a second,
then cooler heads prevailed

893
00:57:53,171 --> 00:57:55,731
and we stopped before we
did anything we'd both regret.

894
00:57:55,807 --> 00:57:58,605
- The kid busted in on 'em.
- Oh.

895
00:57:58,676 --> 00:58:01,110
Let's talk about something else
for a second, like this water main.

896
00:58:01,179 --> 00:58:03,477
- How bad is it?
- Definitely needs to be replaced.

897
00:58:03,548 --> 00:58:06,449
Jesus Christ. lf we gotta shut down
Bay Avenue for that,

898
00:58:06,517 --> 00:58:08,508
this town is gonna throw a shit fit.

899
00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:09,814
l'm sure.

900
00:58:09,887 --> 00:58:13,823
Hey, kid, you haven't had to inconvenience
the taxpayers on the job yet.

901
00:58:13,891 --> 00:58:16,792
They get like animals.
Remember back in '88?

902
00:58:16,861 --> 00:58:18,294
South Peak Street.

903
00:58:18,362 --> 00:58:21,763
Holy shit, l thought they were gonna
crucify us upside down.

904
00:58:21,833 --> 00:58:26,236
- Like St Peter.
- Who are you, the Holy Father?

905
00:58:26,304 --> 00:58:29,933
Everybody knows l meant St Peter.
You don't have to explain my shit.

906
00:58:30,007 --> 00:58:31,372
l'm just saying...

907
00:58:31,442 --> 00:58:33,569
When l was down there,
how many cars did you wave around?

908
00:58:33,644 --> 00:58:34,633
Three or four.

909
00:58:34,712 --> 00:58:38,307
Three or four cars
for the whole half hour l was down there?

910
00:58:38,382 --> 00:58:39,610
Well, it was rush hour.

911
00:58:39,684 --> 00:58:43,017
Yeah, l don't think the legion of commuters
in the Highlands of New Jersey

912
00:58:43,087 --> 00:58:48,115
are gonna object to us closing down a
small portion of Bay Avenue for a few days.

913
00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:51,457
- (gavel banging)
- One at a time, please! One at a time!

914
00:58:53,231 --> 00:58:56,257
- We're doing the best we can.
- (Bart) You were saying?

915
00:58:56,334 --> 00:59:00,794
Why doesn't somebody just go up there
and explain to them what's happening?

916
00:59:00,872 --> 00:59:03,432
Why don't you do it, Daddy?
Wasn't that your old job?

917
00:59:03,508 --> 00:59:06,909
Making people like singers
by saying nice things about 'em?

918
00:59:07,645 --> 00:59:11,342
- Yes, baby, but...
- No, the kid's got a point there.

919
00:59:11,415 --> 00:59:13,474
As a guy who used to
sling bullshit for a living,

920
00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:15,985
l nominate you to go up there
and say something.

921
00:59:16,053 --> 00:59:17,577
- Oh, you do, huh?
- Yeah.

922
00:59:17,655 --> 00:59:20,453
- lt can't hurt.
- Go ahead.

923
00:59:22,627 --> 00:59:24,857
Thanks, Pop.

924
00:59:24,929 --> 00:59:26,521
(angry shouting)

925
00:59:26,597 --> 00:59:28,690
(comptroller) Control yourselves!

926
00:59:30,034 --> 00:59:32,025
He's goin' up there.

927
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:38,538
Folks, one second.
Please. Folks.

928
00:59:38,609 --> 00:59:42,739
My name's Oliver Trinke
and l'm with the borough.

929
00:59:42,813 --> 00:59:45,782
So l guess that makes me
the least popular guy in the room.

930
00:59:48,186 --> 00:59:50,017
(chuckling)

931
00:59:52,356 --> 00:59:54,984
l want to assure you that, uh...

932
00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:59,223
this Bay Avenue job will be
a very minimal inconvenience.

933
00:59:59,297 --> 01:00:01,288
lt'll only take three days at the most.

934
01:00:01,365 --> 01:00:03,595
Bullshit! Bullshit!

935
01:00:03,668 --> 01:00:06,364
(murmurs of agreement)

936
01:00:06,437 --> 01:00:08,428
(angry shouting)

937
01:00:10,942 --> 01:00:12,409
(gavel banging)

938
01:00:12,476 --> 01:00:16,173
Folks, a little decorum!
A little decorum!

939
01:00:28,059 --> 01:00:29,822
Folks, one second.

940
01:00:29,894 --> 01:00:33,660
l just have one more thing
that l just want to add.

941
01:00:43,374 --> 01:00:46,468
l live in this town. l see you guys
headin' to work every day.

942
01:00:46,544 --> 01:00:49,104
(music playing)

943
01:01:13,037 --> 01:01:14,561
( Ollie) l'm telling you,
it was amazing!

944
01:01:14,639 --> 01:01:19,770
And l get up there and l weave this
web of bullshit so profoundly mesmerizing,

945
01:01:19,844 --> 01:01:23,280
- l turn the entire place around!
- You silver-tongued devil, you.

946
01:01:23,347 --> 01:01:27,249
Everything l was saying
was just right on the money, you know?

947
01:01:27,318 --> 01:01:31,152
Maybe that's 'cause you weren't actually
slinging as much bullshit as you thought.

948
01:01:31,222 --> 01:01:34,487
''Get out there and play in the dirt''?
l mean, what... l made that up!

949
01:01:34,558 --> 01:01:37,254
Sounds pretty good to me.
Hey, Gert.

950
01:01:37,328 --> 01:01:41,628
The sad thing is, l had a greater sense of
accomplishment from the water-main thing

951
01:01:41,699 --> 01:01:43,690
than anything else l've done
in the past seven years.

952
01:01:43,768 --> 01:01:46,760
l get it. l mean, you set out
to do something and you did it.

953
01:01:46,837 --> 01:01:49,431
So you feel drunk with power now.
Makes sense.

954
01:01:49,507 --> 01:01:52,874
That's just it. l was the youngest flack
ever put in charge of its entire division...

955
01:01:52,943 --> 01:01:54,342
(both) ...in the history of
MandellKirschner.

956
01:01:54,412 --> 01:01:56,346
- l know.
- That's an accomplishment.

957
01:01:56,414 --> 01:01:59,781
Convincing a town to approve something
that's already in their best interest?

958
01:01:59,850 --> 01:02:03,342
- That's just delayed common sense.
- Yeah, but that's your life now.

959
01:02:03,421 --> 01:02:06,948
l mean, being the youngest flack
in the history of blah, blah, blah...

960
01:02:07,024 --> 01:02:10,425
that's not you anymore.
l mean, that might never have been you.

961
01:02:10,494 --> 01:02:12,826
Oh, it was me.
lt was me with my own apartment,

962
01:02:12,897 --> 01:02:15,161
me richer, me with more self-respect.

963
01:02:15,232 --> 01:02:17,462
Like it or not, this is you.

964
01:02:17,535 --> 01:02:21,869
l mean, forget about what you thought
you were and just accept who you are.

965
01:02:22,873 --> 01:02:26,741
- l guess l'll just get this.
- Gert, what are you doing?

966
01:02:26,811 --> 01:02:30,713
l distinctly remember your father telling you
you could get Dirty Dancing.

967
01:02:30,781 --> 01:02:34,615
- Oh, yeah! He did!
- Yeah.

968
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:37,985
Thanks for that, by the way.

969
01:02:38,055 --> 01:02:41,752
lncidentally, she's been asking me
when she's gonna grow boobies like yours.

970
01:02:41,826 --> 01:02:44,624
- Oh, my God!
- She's seven, OK?

971
01:02:44,695 --> 01:02:48,631
lf you want, l can give her the old ''boobie''
talk my mom gave me when l was a kid.

972
01:02:48,699 --> 01:02:51,497
Does that talk include
using the word ''knockers''?

973
01:02:59,510 --> 01:03:04,209
l'm glad there's no, you know,
awkwardness between us.

974
01:03:04,281 --> 01:03:09,480
After the... well, the thing
that happened last week with...

975
01:03:09,553 --> 01:03:12,044
Ollie, l was gonna give you a mercy jump.

976
01:03:12,690 --> 01:03:16,285
The moment passed.
lt's no big deal.

977
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:19,887
- Just friends, right?
- Yeah, friends.

978
01:03:21,665 --> 01:03:23,030
(sighs)

979
01:03:23,100 --> 01:03:26,467
''Mercy jump.''
Stay away from my kid.

980
01:03:30,274 --> 01:03:32,742
(electric saw)

981
01:03:34,412 --> 01:03:37,347
- No, that's too round.
- Shut up.

982
01:03:37,415 --> 01:03:41,181
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Just make it...

983
01:03:41,252 --> 01:03:44,744
- Would you shut the hell up?!
- All right!

984
01:03:44,822 --> 01:03:47,655
There's people gettin'
their throats cut in this thing.

985
01:03:47,725 --> 01:03:49,022
Yep.

986
01:03:49,093 --> 01:03:51,653
And your father said
you could do this for the show?

987
01:03:51,729 --> 01:03:53,162
Yep.

988
01:03:53,864 --> 01:03:57,095
Why the hell would he
OK you singing this shit?

989
01:03:57,168 --> 01:04:00,695
Because l saw him and Maya
naked in the shower.

990
01:04:00,771 --> 01:04:02,534
Oh, yeah.

991
01:04:02,606 --> 01:04:05,097
Heh-heh! That'll do it.

992
01:04:27,198 --> 01:04:31,328
( Ollie) Can I speak with
an Arthur Brickman, please?

993
01:04:41,011 --> 01:04:43,377
- Ollie.
- Arthur.

994
01:04:43,447 --> 01:04:45,438
- Hey, man.
- How're you doin'?

995
01:04:45,516 --> 01:04:48,713
- Good. How are you?
- Good. Good to see you.

996
01:04:48,786 --> 01:04:52,847
You know, the town voted unanimously,
approved the water main, so...

997
01:04:52,923 --> 01:04:55,255
You were always great with a crowd.

998
01:04:55,326 --> 01:04:58,420
Well, except that...
that once, of course.

999
01:04:58,496 --> 01:05:01,829
But that's it. lt was the polar opposite
of the Fresh Prince incident.

1000
01:05:01,899 --> 01:05:07,735
lt was like l was on the top of my game.
Which is why l wanted to see ya.

1001
01:05:07,805 --> 01:05:11,639
- Uh, l wanna ask you a favor.
- Anything, man. What?

1002
01:05:11,709 --> 01:05:15,873
ls there any way that you could
get me an interview with your firm?

1003
01:05:19,917 --> 01:05:22,385
You're serious?

1004
01:05:22,453 --> 01:05:24,785
l thought it was weird
that you wanted to eat here.

1005
01:05:24,855 --> 01:05:27,881
- Oh, l know it's gonna be tough...
- Tough?

1006
01:05:27,958 --> 01:05:32,554
Ollie, you called a roomful of press
a bunch of jerk-offs,

1007
01:05:32,630 --> 01:05:35,497
and trashed a client who's one of
the biggest movie stars on the planet.

1008
01:05:35,566 --> 01:05:38,034
- He wasn't big then.
- No, but he is now.

1009
01:05:38,102 --> 01:05:40,935
You wanna know how big?
When l left MandellKirschner,

1010
01:05:41,005 --> 01:05:44,202
there were some firms that wouldn't
even look at my resume because l...

1011
01:05:44,275 --> 01:05:46,675
No offense,
but because l worked under you.

1012
01:05:48,546 --> 01:05:52,243
l've only been at Angellotti a year now...

1013
01:05:52,316 --> 01:05:55,717
You know what, man? Forget l asked.
Don't worry about it. Seriously.

1014
01:05:55,786 --> 01:05:58,687
- lt was stupid. l got carried away...
- No, let me finish.

1015
01:05:58,756 --> 01:06:01,281
What l was gonna say was...

1016
01:06:01,358 --> 01:06:07,490
l've been waiting years to be in a position
to be able to help you out, and now l am.

1017
01:06:07,565 --> 01:06:10,398
lt's not gonna be an easy sell, but...

1018
01:06:10,467 --> 01:06:14,426
l think l can get you in a room
with Angellotti himself.

1019
01:06:15,239 --> 01:06:18,003
- Thank you so much.
- Of course.

1020
01:06:20,678 --> 01:06:22,839
You know, you're a lot more affectionate
than l remember.

1021
01:06:22,913 --> 01:06:26,713
Ah, it's just...
l miss it so much, you know?

1022
01:06:26,784 --> 01:06:29,275
lt's the only thing
l was ever any good at.

1023
01:06:29,353 --> 01:06:32,151
Oh, this is great.
l can move back here...

1024
01:06:32,222 --> 01:06:35,623
l can put Gertie in a really good,
expensive private school...

1025
01:06:35,693 --> 01:06:38,594
l can get her a nanny, you know?

1026
01:06:38,662 --> 01:06:42,860
lt'll be like that whole Fresh Prince thing
never even happened.

1027
01:06:42,933 --> 01:06:48,132
l'll work on the old man when l get back
to the office and call you tonight if it's a go.

1028
01:06:48,205 --> 01:06:49,536
Oh, great.

1029
01:06:49,607 --> 01:06:51,802
- (piano)
- ( Gertie) # Excuse me

1030
01:06:51,875 --> 01:06:53,604
- ( Ollie) # Psst
- # Dear, see to the customers

1031
01:06:53,677 --> 01:06:55,577
- # Psst
- # Guess what's the...

1032
01:06:55,646 --> 01:06:57,580
- # Quick now!
- # My heart's a-flutter

1033
01:06:57,648 --> 01:06:59,548
- (phone rings)
- # When l pound the floor

1034
01:06:59,617 --> 01:07:01,312
# lt's a signal to show
that l'm ready to go

1035
01:07:01,385 --> 01:07:05,048
# When l pound the floor...
l have to get the phone.

1036
01:07:05,122 --> 01:07:08,023
Come on, Pop!
Do Dad's part.

1037
01:07:08,092 --> 01:07:09,650
- Me?
- Yeah.

1038
01:07:09,727 --> 01:07:11,319
Yeah, go do that.

1039
01:07:12,363 --> 01:07:14,923
Hello? Hey, Arthur.

1040
01:07:18,535 --> 01:07:20,799
You're kidding?

1041
01:07:24,441 --> 01:07:27,308
# l'll pound three times
Three times...

1042
01:07:27,378 --> 01:07:31,007
Why do l have to sing your dad's part? l'm
supposed to be the guy who gets clipped.

1043
01:07:31,081 --> 01:07:35,142
- You are, but you're Dad's understudy too.
- What the hell is that?

1044
01:07:35,219 --> 01:07:37,449
lt means if Daddy breaks a leg,
then you do his part for him.

1045
01:07:37,521 --> 01:07:40,319
- So, come on, try it again.
- You're doin' good.

1046
01:07:40,391 --> 01:07:42,450
# l'll pound three times...

1047
01:07:42,526 --> 01:07:44,187
# Three times!

1048
01:07:44,261 --> 01:07:47,025
Wait, wait, wait! l'm supposed
to be the understudy now.

1049
01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:48,564
l cannot work like this.
l'm sorry.

1050
01:07:48,666 --> 01:07:51,726
- This is no way to run a show.
- You were good.

1051
01:07:51,802 --> 01:07:54,168
You can go back to waiting
in the wings, Tommy Tune.

1052
01:07:54,238 --> 01:07:56,763
l'll be doin' my own singing
henceforth.

1053
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,035
- Who's Tommy Tune?
- Tommy Tune is a man

1054
01:07:59,109 --> 01:08:02,704
that you can get a chance to see
live and on Broadway

1055
01:08:02,780 --> 01:08:05,476
when we move back to New York City!

1056
01:08:07,785 --> 01:08:08,979
- What?
- What?

1057
01:08:09,053 --> 01:08:09,883
- What?
- What?

1058
01:08:09,953 --> 01:08:11,250
Yeah, what?

1059
01:08:11,321 --> 01:08:15,314
l was just on the phone with an old friend
that l worked with at MandellKirschner.

1060
01:08:15,392 --> 01:08:18,953
l had lunch with him and l asked him if he'd
get me an interview with his new firm.

1061
01:08:19,029 --> 01:08:22,795
Jesus, another interview, Ollie?
Come on, when are you gonna learn?

1062
01:08:22,866 --> 01:08:27,394
Well, smart guy, he just called me,
said he sat down with his boss,

1063
01:08:27,471 --> 01:08:29,666
sold me to his boss
like l was the cure for cancer.

1064
01:08:29,740 --> 01:08:33,870
lt just so happens that a little spot
has opened up in their music department.

1065
01:08:33,944 --> 01:08:36,674
Boom!
After six years of being a pariah,

1066
01:08:36,747 --> 01:08:38,806
l'm gonna get back in!

1067
01:08:38,882 --> 01:08:40,577
l'm talkin' about
no more street sweeper,

1068
01:08:40,651 --> 01:08:43,119
no more picking up garbage,
and no more water main!

1069
01:08:43,187 --> 01:08:46,122
l'm talking press lines,
l'm talking about parties!

1070
01:08:46,190 --> 01:08:48,590
l'm talking about a Westside address,

1071
01:08:48,659 --> 01:08:50,752
l'm talkin' about
a good school for Gertie!

1072
01:08:50,828 --> 01:08:52,489
But l already go to a good school.

1073
01:08:52,563 --> 01:08:57,330
Yes, honey, but you're gonna go to a
way, way better school in New York City.

1074
01:08:57,401 --> 01:08:59,995
You're gonna be able to take the
subway to school. Won't that be fun?

1075
01:09:00,070 --> 01:09:02,265
But the subway's full of junkies
and mole-men.

1076
01:09:04,875 --> 01:09:07,002
- Well, they are.
- Don't listen to Pop.

1077
01:09:07,077 --> 01:09:09,102
What do l tell you?
He makes things up!

1078
01:09:09,179 --> 01:09:11,477
- You'll see. The subways are great.
- l don't wanna see.

1079
01:09:11,548 --> 01:09:15,006
l don't wanna go to a school up in the city.
l wanna go to my school.

1080
01:09:15,085 --> 01:09:17,610
Honey, it's gonna be too far of a drive
for me to come back down here

1081
01:09:17,688 --> 01:09:19,519
to take you to school
in New Jersey every morning.

1082
01:09:19,590 --> 01:09:22,525
So let's not move to the city.
Let's stay here with Pop.

1083
01:09:22,593 --> 01:09:26,529
Sweetheart, l'm too old
to be living with my father.

1084
01:09:26,597 --> 01:09:28,690
l need to get my own place.

1085
01:09:28,766 --> 01:09:31,064
And Pop... l mean, look at him,
he's a mad-dog.

1086
01:09:31,135 --> 01:09:33,797
He doesn't want us around here
getting in his way, crampin' his style...

1087
01:09:33,871 --> 01:09:37,898
- Do you, Pop?
- That's all horseshit.

1088
01:09:37,975 --> 01:09:39,465
You know... thanks, Pop.

1089
01:09:39,543 --> 01:09:42,103
l don't wanna move to the city.
l like it here.

1090
01:09:42,179 --> 01:09:44,977
Pop says you can live here
as long as you want.

1091
01:09:45,048 --> 01:09:47,676
Baby, remember when l took you
to see Sweeney Todd?

1092
01:09:47,751 --> 01:09:49,844
How much fun was that?
We had a good time, right?

1093
01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:52,787
l mean, if we move to New York City,
we can do that every night!

1094
01:09:52,856 --> 01:09:54,847
Except for the nights you're working,
of course.

1095
01:09:54,925 --> 01:09:56,893
You know what? Why don't you
shut up for a second, OK?

1096
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:59,087
l'm trying to talk to my daughter.

1097
01:09:59,163 --> 01:10:01,563
You love New York City.
You told me you loved the city.

1098
01:10:01,632 --> 01:10:03,122
- No, l didn't.
- Oh!

1099
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:05,191
- l said it was OK.
- Jesus Christ!

1100
01:10:05,269 --> 01:10:09,399
l said l like Highlands better. Why would
you want some other job anyway, Dad?

1101
01:10:09,473 --> 01:10:10,804
You get to ride the Batmobile!

1102
01:10:10,874 --> 01:10:13,809
Baby, Daddy doesn't wanna
drive the Batmobile!

1103
01:10:13,877 --> 01:10:16,812
Daddy wants to eat sushi!
Daddy wants to hail cabs!

1104
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:18,973
Daddy wants to have a doorman!

1105
01:10:19,049 --> 01:10:21,574
Daddy wants to lord it
over magazine editors!

1106
01:10:21,652 --> 01:10:26,885
Daddy loved his old job, and he's missed it
every day since he's been gone.

1107
01:10:26,957 --> 01:10:30,950
Daddy wants to do that job. Daddy doesn't
wanna pick up garbage forever!

1108
01:10:31,028 --> 01:10:33,428
But you told everybody at the meeting
that your job's good

1109
01:10:33,497 --> 01:10:35,328
because you don't have to
wear a suit.

1110
01:10:35,399 --> 01:10:39,597
Yes, but Daddy was just saying that
to get them to say yes to a water main.

1111
01:10:39,670 --> 01:10:41,934
So you were just lying to everybody?

1112
01:10:43,073 --> 01:10:47,203
Look, OK, l'll tell you what.
l'll go to the meeting, all right?

1113
01:10:47,277 --> 01:10:49,768
lf l don't like what the man says,
then l won't take the job.

1114
01:10:49,847 --> 01:10:51,178
Now you're lying to me!

1115
01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:53,773
All right, look, young lady! l'm gonna
go to this job interview on Monday,

1116
01:10:53,851 --> 01:10:54,977
whether you like it or not.

1117
01:10:55,052 --> 01:10:56,144
Wait, this Monday?

1118
01:10:56,220 --> 01:10:58,882
- Yes.
- Ollie, you can't go on Monday.

1119
01:10:58,956 --> 01:11:01,618
- Why?
- Because that's the day of my show!

1120
01:11:04,661 --> 01:11:09,121
Oh, shit.
lt is, isn't it?

1121
01:11:09,199 --> 01:11:12,691
Well, it's at four,
so l can, you know, make it back in time.

1122
01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:14,066
But my show's at five!

1123
01:11:14,137 --> 01:11:16,401
On what planet are you gonna
get back here by five

1124
01:11:16,473 --> 01:11:18,202
if you've got a meeting
in the city at four?

1125
01:11:18,275 --> 01:11:20,402
Just lay off me for a second!
l forgot about the show.

1126
01:11:20,477 --> 01:11:22,672
How could you forget?
What, are you stupid?

1127
01:11:22,746 --> 01:11:25,010
Gertie, this job
is very important to Daddy.

1128
01:11:25,082 --> 01:11:27,414
What about my show?
lsn't that important to you?

1129
01:11:27,484 --> 01:11:29,384
Yes, honey,
that's even more important to me.

1130
01:11:29,453 --> 01:11:33,253
Then don't go to your stupid meeting about
your stupid new job in the stupid city!

1131
01:11:33,323 --> 01:11:36,383
- That's enough, young lady!
- l don't even want you in the show!

1132
01:11:36,460 --> 01:11:38,223
You're not even a good
Sweeney Todd anyway.

1133
01:11:38,295 --> 01:11:41,526
Pop's way better. Even Uncle Greenie
and Uncle Block are better than you.

1134
01:11:41,598 --> 01:11:43,429
Those men are not your uncles!

1135
01:11:43,500 --> 01:11:46,264
Oh, no, but we're good enough
to build sets for her show, right?

1136
01:11:46,336 --> 01:11:48,827
Sorry, l didn't mean that.
Where are you going?

1137
01:11:48,906 --> 01:11:52,433
l don't wanna be around you! l don't even
want you to come to the show to watch it.

1138
01:11:52,509 --> 01:11:56,912
- Oh, come on!
- l don't! l don't even like you anymore!

1139
01:11:56,980 --> 01:12:00,438
Get back here, young lady!
Hey! l'm talkin' to you!

1140
01:12:00,517 --> 01:12:03,111
Hey, young lady!
Get back here, young lady!

1141
01:12:03,186 --> 01:12:05,814
No! You can't tell me what to do!
l don't have to do anything you say!

1142
01:12:05,889 --> 01:12:07,083
- Yes, you do!
- Why?

1143
01:12:07,157 --> 01:12:08,590
Because l'm your father, that's why!

1144
01:12:08,659 --> 01:12:10,786
- So what?
- Don't you yell at me, Gertrude!

1145
01:12:10,861 --> 01:12:11,885
l'll yell at you all l want!

1146
01:12:11,962 --> 01:12:14,453
Blah, blah, blah!
l'm not moving to the stupid city!

1147
01:12:14,531 --> 01:12:17,591
All right, that's it! You are moving to the city
and you're gonna like it, and that's the end.

1148
01:12:17,668 --> 01:12:20,102
l hate you!
l wish you'd died, not Mommy!

1149
01:12:20,170 --> 01:12:21,603
l hate you right back, you little shit!

1150
01:12:21,705 --> 01:12:25,607
You and your mother took my
life away and l just want it back!

1151
01:12:34,651 --> 01:12:36,676
God, l'm sorry. l'm sorry, sweetheart.
l didn't mean...

1152
01:12:36,753 --> 01:12:37,913
- Get off me!
- l'm sorry...

1153
01:12:37,988 --> 01:12:39,979
Get off of me!

1154
01:12:47,364 --> 01:12:49,958
What the hell's the matter with you?

1155
01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:51,125
Huh?!

1156
01:13:00,410 --> 01:13:03,743
(# ''Landslide'' by Fleetwood Mac)

1157
01:13:10,253 --> 01:13:13,950
# I took my love and I took it down

1158
01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:20,061
# I climbed a mountain
and I turned around

1159
01:13:21,598 --> 01:13:28,561
# And I saw my reflection
in the snow-covered hills

1160
01:13:28,638 --> 01:13:32,938
# Till the landslide brought me down

1161
01:13:34,845 --> 01:13:39,976
# Oh, mirror in the sky what is love?

1162
01:13:41,318 --> 01:13:47,723
# Can the child within my heart
rise above?

1163
01:13:47,791 --> 01:13:54,458
# Can I sail through
the changing ocean tides?

1164
01:13:54,531 --> 01:14:01,334
# Can I handle the seasons of my life?

1165
01:14:02,773 --> 01:14:06,174
# Mm-mm... I don't know

1166
01:14:14,084 --> 01:14:19,852
# Well, I've been afraid of changing

1167
01:14:19,923 --> 01:14:25,486
# 'Cause I've built my life around you

1168
01:14:27,330 --> 01:14:30,731
# But time makes you bolder

1169
01:14:31,368 --> 01:14:34,064
# Children get older

1170
01:14:34,137 --> 01:14:39,200
# And I'm getting older too

1171
01:14:48,285 --> 01:14:50,515
- Hey.
- Hey.

1172
01:14:51,354 --> 01:14:55,120
What happened to you the other night?
You just sort of took off.

1173
01:14:55,192 --> 01:14:57,717
lt looked to me like you guys
needed a little privacy.

1174
01:14:57,794 --> 01:15:00,092
What l really needed was a little backup.

1175
01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:02,996
She's a kid, Ollie.
Kids don't weather change well.

1176
01:15:03,066 --> 01:15:06,399
l mean, in a few years, you won't
be able to keep her out of Manhattan.

1177
01:15:06,470 --> 01:15:09,371
But for now,
she just wants what she knows.

1178
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:10,428
So do l.

1179
01:15:10,507 --> 01:15:12,702
Yeah, but is that even
what you know anymore?

1180
01:15:12,776 --> 01:15:14,767
Oh, Jesus. You too?

1181
01:15:14,845 --> 01:15:18,679
You want your old life back. Big-money job,
out of your old man's house...

1182
01:15:18,748 --> 01:15:21,080
lt's not like it doesn't make any sense.

1183
01:15:21,952 --> 01:15:23,351
Yeah. So?

1184
01:15:23,420 --> 01:15:26,150
That's your life that you want back,
not theirs.

1185
01:15:26,223 --> 01:15:30,182
l mean, this is their life. What you're
sort of saying to everybody who loves you

1186
01:15:30,260 --> 01:15:32,319
is that what we have
isn't good enough for you.

1187
01:15:32,395 --> 01:15:34,989
So it's just upsetting everybody,
you know?

1188
01:15:35,632 --> 01:15:38,294
- Everybody?
- Oh... What, me?

1189
01:15:38,635 --> 01:15:42,571
l mean, it's not like we've got some
big romance going on or anything.

1190
01:15:42,639 --> 01:15:44,971
We're just friends, right?

1191
01:15:45,041 --> 01:15:49,671
Did you ever wonder if...
maybe someday it might...

1192
01:15:51,014 --> 01:15:54,142
be more than that?

1193
01:15:55,252 --> 01:16:00,212
For about two seconds, before you
had me hiding in the shower from your kid.

1194
01:16:00,290 --> 01:16:02,349
Look, Ollie, l like you, but...

1195
01:16:02,425 --> 01:16:05,622
l'm not gonna be all heartbroken
'cause you're leaving town.

1196
01:16:05,695 --> 01:16:06,992
l know.

1197
01:16:07,063 --> 01:16:09,361
Even if l took this job in the city,

1198
01:16:09,432 --> 01:16:15,598
l'd still come back down here
and visit my old man. And you.

1199
01:16:15,672 --> 01:16:20,837
Why? l mean, you think l'm gonna
stick around here for much longer?

1200
01:16:20,911 --> 01:16:23,345
- Maya...
- Ollie...

1201
01:16:24,714 --> 01:16:27,547
l gotta get back to work.

1202
01:16:28,685 --> 01:16:33,122
lf... if l don't...
if l don't see you at the show,

1203
01:16:33,190 --> 01:16:36,682
give me a call sometime when
you get all settled up in the big city.

1204
01:16:36,760 --> 01:16:38,125
Come on...

1205
01:16:44,534 --> 01:16:46,502
Shit.

1206
01:16:49,773 --> 01:16:52,469
(# ''My City of Ruins''
by Bruce Springsteen)

1207
01:17:12,295 --> 01:17:14,820
# Now there's tears on the pillow

1208
01:17:15,532 --> 01:17:17,500
# Darling where we slept

1209
01:17:18,969 --> 01:17:22,564
# And you took my heart when you left

1210
01:17:25,108 --> 01:17:31,047
# Without your sweet kiss
my soul is lost, my friend

1211
01:17:31,114 --> 01:17:35,517
# Tell me, how do I begin again?

1212
01:17:37,387 --> 01:17:40,982
# My city's in ruins

1213
01:17:43,860 --> 01:17:47,626
# My city's in ruins

1214
01:17:51,201 --> 01:17:54,295
# Now with these hands

1215
01:17:54,704 --> 01:17:57,434
# With these hands

1216
01:17:58,074 --> 01:18:00,634
# With these hands

1217
01:18:01,211 --> 01:18:03,338
# With these hands

1218
01:18:03,413 --> 01:18:04,903
# I pray, Lord

1219
01:18:04,981 --> 01:18:07,609
# (chorus) With these hands

1220
01:18:07,684 --> 01:18:10,949
- # (chorus) With these hands
- # I pray for the strength, Lord

1221
01:18:11,021 --> 01:18:15,583
# (chorus) With these hands
With these hands

1222
01:18:15,659 --> 01:18:18,457
# I pray for the faith, Lord

1223
01:18:20,797 --> 01:18:22,662
Hi, Daddy.

1224
01:18:22,732 --> 01:18:25,792
Hey, baby. l'm sorry.
l didn't mean to wake you up.

1225
01:18:25,869 --> 01:18:27,666
lt's OK.

1226
01:18:27,737 --> 01:18:32,231
Listen. l'm sorry -
for yelling at you the other night.

1227
01:18:33,076 --> 01:18:38,571
l was wrong. And l didn't mean
any of the things that l said.

1228
01:18:38,648 --> 01:18:41,640
l know. Neither did l.

1229
01:18:43,987 --> 01:18:46,785
- Daddy?
- Yeah?

1230
01:18:46,856 --> 01:18:49,518
Did Mommy like living in the city?

1231
01:18:50,660 --> 01:18:54,596
Yeah, she did.
She loved it.

1232
01:18:54,998 --> 01:18:57,592
Then l guess l'll love it too.

1233
01:18:58,735 --> 01:19:01,465
Thanks, sweetheart.

1234
01:19:02,305 --> 01:19:04,068
Thanks.

1235
01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:11,202
You know, l still might make it to your show
tomorrow, if the traffic's not too bad.

1236
01:19:11,281 --> 01:19:15,615
l won't be mad if you miss it.
l understand.

1237
01:19:16,553 --> 01:19:20,353
OK, sweetie. Go back to sleep.
l love you.

1238
01:19:22,926 --> 01:19:25,087
Good night, Daddy.

1239
01:19:26,963 --> 01:19:28,794
Good night.

1240
01:19:28,865 --> 01:19:32,392
- # (chorus) With these hands
- # I pray for my strength, Lord

1241
01:19:32,469 --> 01:19:37,771
# (chorus) With these hands
With these hands

1242
01:19:37,841 --> 01:19:40,241
# Come on, rise up

1243
01:19:42,078 --> 01:19:43,739
# Come on, rise up

1244
01:19:44,180 --> 01:19:46,978
# Come on, rise up

1245
01:19:47,417 --> 01:19:50,250
# Come on, rise up

1246
01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:53,518
# Come on, rise up

1247
01:19:53,890 --> 01:19:56,825
# Come on, rise up

1248
01:19:57,160 --> 01:20:02,962
# Come on, rise up

1249
01:20:04,968 --> 01:20:08,369
George Clooney's office
for Tony on line one.

1250
01:20:08,438 --> 01:20:11,373
The Angellotti Company.
One moment, please.

1251
01:20:11,441 --> 01:20:13,102
- Can l help you?
- Yes.

1252
01:20:13,176 --> 01:20:18,011
My name's Oliver Trinke and l'm here to
see Arthur Brickman and Mr. Angellotti.

1253
01:20:18,081 --> 01:20:18,911
OK.

1254
01:20:18,982 --> 01:20:21,075
Mr. Trinke is here.

1255
01:20:21,151 --> 01:20:22,743
OK, l will.

1256
01:20:22,819 --> 01:20:25,379
- They'll be about ten more minutes.
- OK.

1257
01:20:27,090 --> 01:20:30,082
- You can have a seat.
- Right, right...

1258
01:20:35,598 --> 01:20:36,895
Hello.

1259
01:20:36,966 --> 01:20:39,958
Oh, my God... Hi!

1260
01:20:40,036 --> 01:20:42,197
l'm here to see Brad.

1261
01:20:42,272 --> 01:20:44,365
Yes! He's expecting you, sir.

1262
01:20:44,441 --> 01:20:48,901
He apologizes, but he's stuck in traffic
He's just a few blocks away.

1263
01:20:48,978 --> 01:20:52,311
Why don't you just have a seat
and l'll let him know that you've arrived.

1264
01:20:52,382 --> 01:20:54,373
Thank you very much.

1265
01:21:07,330 --> 01:21:10,663
They love to keep you waiting, don't they?

1266
01:21:11,835 --> 01:21:16,465
- Excuse me?
- They love to keep you waiting.

1267
01:21:16,539 --> 01:21:19,508
Right. Yeah, yeah, they do.

1268
01:21:19,576 --> 01:21:22,602
l think they think it gives them
a psychological edge, you know?

1269
01:21:22,679 --> 01:21:25,239
Well, it's about to give 'em
the edge of my ass,

1270
01:21:25,315 --> 01:21:28,580
'cause that's all they're gonna see
when l'm walkin' out that door.

1271
01:21:28,651 --> 01:21:31,017
You know anything about these guys?

1272
01:21:31,087 --> 01:21:33,555
Only that they're the fastest-growing...

1273
01:21:33,623 --> 01:21:37,423
''...firm in the business.''
Yes, l read that article too.

1274
01:21:37,494 --> 01:21:39,655
All right, well...
You know as much as l do.

1275
01:21:39,729 --> 01:21:41,890
l guess that means
they know what they're doing.

1276
01:21:41,965 --> 01:21:46,231
l suppose. Unless these publicists hire
other publicists to get the word out for 'em.

1277
01:21:46,302 --> 01:21:49,703
Right. And then those publicists
hire their own publicists

1278
01:21:49,772 --> 01:21:53,139
to help spin the good publicity
they created for these publicists.

1279
01:21:53,209 --> 01:21:55,973
Of course, knowing publicists,
they probably hire publicists

1280
01:21:56,045 --> 01:21:57,603
to promote the fact
that they spun the publicity

1281
01:21:57,680 --> 01:22:01,446
that they hired the other publicists
to spin. So...

1282
01:22:01,518 --> 01:22:04,351
- Oh man! So what do you do?
- l'm a publicist.

1283
01:22:06,956 --> 01:22:10,653
l didn't realize l was sitting here
talking to an Angellotti man.

1284
01:22:10,727 --> 01:22:14,322
Well, to tell you the truth,
l'm not an Angellotti man.

1285
01:22:14,397 --> 01:22:16,729
At least not yet.
l'm here trying to get a job.

1286
01:22:16,799 --> 01:22:21,827
These guys have been tryin' to steal me
from my publicist since my last flick.

1287
01:22:21,905 --> 01:22:24,874
- Oh, the robot movie, right?
- Oh, yeah, you saw it?

1288
01:22:24,941 --> 01:22:27,239
l haven't gotten around to it yet.
l'm gonna...

1289
01:22:27,310 --> 01:22:29,710
Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot
for the support though, man.

1290
01:22:29,779 --> 01:22:33,681
- l wanna see it...
- You know what? lt's not that good.

1291
01:22:33,750 --> 01:22:36,446
l have a kid. l don't get a chance
to get out and see movies

1292
01:22:36,519 --> 01:22:38,680
unless they have singing crabs in 'em.

1293
01:22:38,755 --> 01:22:41,451
Singing crabs? l saw that one.
That means you have a girl.

1294
01:22:41,524 --> 01:22:42,991
That's right.

1295
01:22:43,059 --> 01:22:45,118
- How old is she?
- She's seven.

1296
01:22:45,194 --> 01:22:47,754
Yeah? Cool.
l got a girl and two boys.

1297
01:22:47,830 --> 01:22:49,730
Three kids?

1298
01:22:49,799 --> 01:22:52,529
God. How do you find time
to make all those blockbusters?

1299
01:22:52,602 --> 01:22:54,126
Shoot, if l didn't have
all them damn kids,

1300
01:22:54,203 --> 01:22:56,068
l wouldn't have to
make these blockbusters.

1301
01:22:56,139 --> 01:22:57,834
Right.

1302
01:22:57,907 --> 01:22:59,898
Oh, man.

1303
01:23:00,510 --> 01:23:03,536
- lt's cool, though, isn't it?
- Making blockbusters?

1304
01:23:03,613 --> 01:23:07,276
- You tell me.
- Bein' a parent, funny man.

1305
01:23:08,585 --> 01:23:11,053
lt has its moments.

1306
01:23:11,120 --> 01:23:13,486
- What's your daughter's name?
- Gertrude.

1307
01:23:13,856 --> 01:23:16,416
Damn!
Why'd you do that to that girl, man?

1308
01:23:17,660 --> 01:23:19,628
- Did you lose a bet?
- No.

1309
01:23:19,696 --> 01:23:23,962
- No, it was my wife's name.
- ''Was''? OK, let me guess.

1310
01:23:24,033 --> 01:23:28,402
She took you for half after she
saddled the kid with the name Gert?

1311
01:23:28,471 --> 01:23:32,066
l can't blame it on her.
l saddled the kid with the name Gert.

1312
01:23:32,141 --> 01:23:35,201
She died in childbirth. So...

1313
01:23:36,946 --> 01:23:39,710
- No, no, no, it's...
- l feel like an asshole, man.

1314
01:23:39,782 --> 01:23:43,183
- Don't worry about it.
- No, listen, l'm really sorry about that.

1315
01:23:43,252 --> 01:23:47,712
l didn't see your movie,
so we're even. Trust me.

1316
01:23:47,790 --> 01:23:51,783
This is exactly why people don't talk
to each other in waiting rooms, right?

1317
01:23:51,861 --> 01:23:54,830
Probably.
Although, l gotta tell ya...

1318
01:23:54,897 --> 01:23:59,197
the fact that the guy who wrote ''Parents
Just Don't Understand'' is now a parent

1319
01:23:59,268 --> 01:24:01,668
completely makes up for it.

1320
01:24:02,505 --> 01:24:04,063
Oh, man.
We don't though, do we?

1321
01:24:04,140 --> 01:24:06,335
- What's that?
- Understand.

1322
01:24:06,409 --> 01:24:10,937
l mean, these kids today.
From the door, man, they got it all over us.

1323
01:24:11,047 --> 01:24:14,813
My daughter has it all over me,
l can tell you that.

1324
01:24:14,884 --> 01:24:16,408
Yeah, my middle one, my son?

1325
01:24:16,486 --> 01:24:19,046
Every time l walk out of the house
in the morning

1326
01:24:19,122 --> 01:24:21,454
he says,
''Daddy, how far you love me?''

1327
01:24:21,524 --> 01:24:24,288
l always pick somewhere close.
''l love you to that table, man.''

1328
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:28,694
''No, you don't. You love me all the way
to the moon and back down to the dirt.''

1329
01:24:30,166 --> 01:24:30,928
That's great.

1330
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:34,094
lt take everything l got
to walk out of that house.

1331
01:24:35,171 --> 01:24:37,230
You get to spend time with them
on the set though, right?

1332
01:24:37,306 --> 01:24:41,606
Oh, yeah. But if l was a smart man,
l wouldn't be sittin' here right now.

1333
01:24:41,678 --> 01:24:45,341
l'd be at home
playing in the dirt with my kids.

1334
01:24:47,150 --> 01:24:50,017
But we all know that l'm not famous
'cause of my brains.

1335
01:24:50,086 --> 01:24:54,955
lt's 'cause l'm, like,
strikingly handsome, crazy sexy.

1336
01:24:55,024 --> 01:24:59,051
And l'm, like,
hung like it's ridiculous.

1337
01:25:00,396 --> 01:25:05,424
Oh, man! But l'm definitely not
the sharpest spoon in the shed.

1338
01:25:07,837 --> 01:25:10,362
You know...

1339
01:25:10,440 --> 01:25:13,432
- lt was really nice talking to you.
- Oh, hey, you too, man.

1340
01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:16,171
- You out?
- l'm out.

1341
01:25:16,245 --> 01:25:18,179
Hey, you recommend these guys?

1342
01:25:18,247 --> 01:25:22,013
Uh... only guy l can recommend
is named Arthur Brickman.

1343
01:25:22,085 --> 01:25:24,144
Other than that,
l can't vouch for anybody.

1344
01:25:24,220 --> 01:25:27,314
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
You Brickman?

1345
01:25:28,458 --> 01:25:33,088
No. l'm just a guy who'd rather play
in the dirt with his kid.

1346
01:25:46,642 --> 01:25:49,907
- ( Gertie) # Toby!
- # Coming! 'Scuse me

1347
01:25:49,979 --> 01:25:52,106
- # Ale there!
- # Right, mum!

1348
01:25:52,181 --> 01:25:53,170
# ( Gertie) Quick now!

1349
01:25:53,249 --> 01:25:55,149
(Maya & Gertie)
# God, that's good!

1350
01:25:55,218 --> 01:25:57,743
You want some rouge,
or should l just pinch your cheeks?

1351
01:25:57,820 --> 01:26:01,517
Pinch my cheeks, kids' show or not,
l'll put you through the wall.

1352
01:26:08,030 --> 01:26:10,021
(applause)

1353
01:26:10,099 --> 01:26:12,124
(# ''High'' by The Cure)

1354
01:26:14,237 --> 01:26:18,173
l'd like to welcome everyone
to Saint Maria Goretti's

1355
01:26:18,241 --> 01:26:20,732
Student/Family Fall Pageant.

1356
01:26:24,280 --> 01:26:28,114
This is a celebration of
your children and their talents,

1357
01:26:28,184 --> 01:26:30,084
so we hope you enjoy the show.

1358
01:26:30,153 --> 01:26:35,056
Our first act is first-grader Cynthia Bodnar
and her mother Jane,

1359
01:26:35,124 --> 01:26:39,891
performing the song ''Memory''
from the Broadway show Cats.

1360
01:26:45,935 --> 01:26:50,395
And now Tracy Colelli,
from Sister Ann's kindergarten class,

1361
01:26:50,473 --> 01:26:54,739
will perform with her parents
''Memory'' from Cats.

1362
01:27:08,591 --> 01:27:14,791
And now, first-grader Martin Tobias
and his mother will perform...

1363
01:27:14,864 --> 01:27:17,424
Oh, boy, this is a popular song.

1364
01:27:17,500 --> 01:27:19,991
...''Memory'' from Cats.

1365
01:27:32,949 --> 01:27:34,974
You gotta be kidding me!

1366
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:54,966
You couldn't make it easy on me,
could you, Gert?

1367
01:28:13,689 --> 01:28:15,919
Honey, it's gonna be OK.

1368
01:28:17,059 --> 01:28:20,551
You're next, Gertie.
Break a leg.

1369
01:28:58,467 --> 01:29:02,836
And now, we have something
not from Cats. Thank God.

1370
01:29:02,905 --> 01:29:07,069
First-grader Gertrude Trinke
and her father, Oliver...

1371
01:29:07,143 --> 01:29:08,576
Psst!

1372
01:29:12,615 --> 01:29:15,982
- Just my grandfather.
- Oh.

1373
01:29:16,052 --> 01:29:20,614
l'm sorry. First-grader Gertrude Trinke
and her grandfather

1374
01:29:20,690 --> 01:29:23,887
will be performing
what l can only assume is a hymn,

1375
01:29:23,960 --> 01:29:29,398
entitled ''God, That's Good'',
from the musical Sweeney Todd.

1376
01:29:30,833 --> 01:29:32,824
(music starts)

1377
01:29:43,479 --> 01:29:47,506
# Ladies and gentlemen,
may l have your attention, please?

1378
01:29:49,385 --> 01:29:51,250
# Are your nostrils aquiver
and tingling as well

1379
01:29:51,320 --> 01:29:54,847
# At that delicate,
luscious, ambrosial smell?

1380
01:29:54,924 --> 01:29:57,154
# Yes, they are, l can tell

1381
01:29:57,226 --> 01:30:01,526
# Well, ladies and gentlemen,
that aroma enriching the breeze

1382
01:30:01,597 --> 01:30:03,622
# ls like nothing
compared to its succulent source

1383
01:30:03,699 --> 01:30:06,691
# As the gourmets among you
will tell you, of course

1384
01:30:07,737 --> 01:30:12,197
# Ladies and gentlemen,
you can't imagine the rapture and star

1385
01:30:12,274 --> 01:30:16,040
# Just inside of this door

1386
01:30:18,381 --> 01:30:22,147
# There you'll sample
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies

1387
01:30:22,218 --> 01:30:25,847
# Savory and sweet pies, as you see

1388
01:30:26,288 --> 01:30:30,315
# You who eats pies
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies

1389
01:30:30,393 --> 01:30:33,829
# Conjure up the treat
pies used to be

1390
01:30:34,196 --> 01:30:37,188
- # Toby!
- # Coming! 'Scuse me...

1391
01:30:37,266 --> 01:30:39,131
- # Ale there!
- # Right, mum!

1392
01:30:39,201 --> 01:30:41,965
- # Quick now!
- # ( Greenie and Block) God, that's good!

1393
01:30:42,038 --> 01:30:43,835
# Nice to see you, dearie

1394
01:30:43,906 --> 01:30:46,067
# How have you been keeping?

1395
01:30:46,142 --> 01:30:49,634
# Cor, me bones is weary
Toby! One for the gentleman

1396
01:30:49,712 --> 01:30:52,909
# Hear the birdies cheeping?
Helps to keep it cheery

1397
01:30:53,349 --> 01:30:55,340
# Toby! Throw the old woman out!

1398
01:30:55,418 --> 01:30:57,079
# ( Greenie and Block) God, that's good!

1399
01:30:57,153 --> 01:31:00,714
# What's your budget, dearie?
No, we don't cut slices

1400
01:31:01,624 --> 01:31:03,615
Take this off.

1401
01:31:05,494 --> 01:31:08,588
# ...me prices
l'm a little leery

1402
01:31:08,664 --> 01:31:10,564
# Business couldn't be better, though

1403
01:31:10,633 --> 01:31:12,260
# ( Greenie and Block) God, that's good!

1404
01:31:12,334 --> 01:31:14,234
# Knock on wood

1405
01:31:14,303 --> 01:31:16,328
- # Psst!
- # Excuse me

1406
01:31:16,405 --> 01:31:18,236
- # Psst!
- # Dear, see to the customers

1407
01:31:18,307 --> 01:31:20,969
- # Psst!
- # Yes, what, love?

1408
01:31:29,185 --> 01:31:31,346
- # Quick now!
- # Me heart's a-flutter

1409
01:31:31,420 --> 01:31:33,411
- # When l pound the floor...
- # When you pound the floor

1410
01:31:33,489 --> 01:31:35,150
# lt's a signal to show
that l'm ready to go

1411
01:31:35,224 --> 01:31:36,953
- # When l pound the floor...
- # When you pound the floor

1412
01:31:37,026 --> 01:31:39,961
- # Will you trust me?
- # l just want to be sure

1413
01:31:40,029 --> 01:31:44,762
# When l'm certain that you're in place
l'll pound three times

1414
01:31:44,967 --> 01:31:47,367
# Three times

1415
01:31:47,436 --> 01:31:50,098
# And then you!

1416
01:31:50,172 --> 01:31:52,766
# Three times!

1417
01:31:52,842 --> 01:31:55,072
# lf you...

1418
01:31:55,144 --> 01:31:56,771
# Exactly!

1419
01:31:56,846 --> 01:31:58,575
- # More hot pies!
- # God!

1420
01:31:58,647 --> 01:31:59,875
- # More hot!
- # Right!

1421
01:31:59,949 --> 01:32:02,281
# (all) More pies! More!

1422
01:32:02,351 --> 01:32:04,148
# Wait!

1423
01:32:15,965 --> 01:32:18,297
# (all) God, that's good!

1424
01:32:30,746 --> 01:32:32,270
Shit.

1425
01:32:56,005 --> 01:32:59,236
- l love you, Daddy.
- l love you too.

1426
01:32:59,308 --> 01:33:01,299
l love you so much.

1427
01:33:01,377 --> 01:33:03,572
- You were great.
- You too.

1428
01:33:10,519 --> 01:33:12,510
You... guys...

1429
01:33:12,588 --> 01:33:15,386
- were... great!
- Ooh!

1430
01:33:17,126 --> 01:33:19,117
Oh, God!

1431
01:33:19,195 --> 01:33:21,595
Hey, Gertie!
Come dance with me.

1432
01:33:21,664 --> 01:33:25,760
- Bye, Uncle Greenie. Bye, Uncle Block.
- Bye, sweetheart.

1433
01:33:27,069 --> 01:33:29,435
- l'm startin' to like show business.
- Yeah.

1434
01:33:29,505 --> 01:33:34,533
Well, don't get caught up in the glory.
Tomorrow you're on shithouse duty.

1435
01:33:34,610 --> 01:33:39,912
- You know, sometimes l just wanna...
- Uh-huh.

1436
01:33:39,982 --> 01:33:43,213
l'm so tired of being your little geisha.

1437
01:33:43,285 --> 01:33:46,118
You had me worried there for a minute.

1438
01:33:46,188 --> 01:33:50,090
Yeah, who knew all those years
you were nursing a case of stage fright.

1439
01:33:50,159 --> 01:33:53,959
Not about that, smart ass.
About the other thing.

1440
01:33:54,530 --> 01:33:58,523
- About moving away.
- Come on, Dad.

1441
01:33:58,601 --> 01:34:00,660
Don't you wanna live alone again?

1442
01:34:01,604 --> 01:34:04,835
Not as much as
l don't wanna die alone.

1443
01:34:14,083 --> 01:34:16,074
We're not going anywhere, Pop.

1444
01:34:16,151 --> 01:34:19,746
(# ''Let My Love Open The Door''
by Pete Townshend)

1445
01:34:23,626 --> 01:34:25,389
You wanna go over there
and cheer up your pop?

1446
01:34:25,461 --> 01:34:29,022
He's devastated about
missing his big singing debut.

1447
01:34:29,098 --> 01:34:31,089
Aw!

1448
01:34:31,166 --> 01:34:33,361
Pop!

1449
01:34:36,205 --> 01:34:38,230
Hey, Princess!

1450
01:34:39,141 --> 01:34:42,269
Look at you.
Mr. Big Hero of the Night.

1451
01:34:42,344 --> 01:34:46,838
Yeah, well, it might take me
longer than some, but l, uh...

1452
01:34:46,915 --> 01:34:49,247
- May l?
- Uh...

1453
01:34:49,318 --> 01:34:51,309
OK.

1454
01:34:52,888 --> 01:34:55,914
l like to think
l come around eventually.

1455
01:34:55,991 --> 01:34:59,188
Well, you showing up
when you did like that?

1456
01:34:59,261 --> 01:35:03,163
That was just about
the most romantic thing l've ever seen.

1457
01:35:04,733 --> 01:35:07,133
Honestly.

1458
01:35:07,202 --> 01:35:10,137
Well... stick around.

1459
01:35:12,107 --> 01:35:14,598
lt may get even
more romantic than that.

1460
01:35:14,677 --> 01:35:17,407
- Really?
- Yeah.

1461
01:35:20,949 --> 01:35:24,112
See? How was that for romance?

1462
01:35:27,556 --> 01:35:30,184
l'll think about it.

1463
01:35:31,994 --> 01:35:34,155
Do that.

1464
01:35:34,997 --> 01:35:37,192
Ollie Trinke...

1465
01:36:01,623 --> 01:36:02,885
Hey.

1466
01:36:03,359 --> 01:36:06,260
Your kid's cuttin' a rug with that Maya.

1467
01:36:06,929 --> 01:36:08,920
Uh...

1468
01:36:11,734 --> 01:36:15,135
The sun even shines
on a dog's ass some days.

1469
01:36:16,138 --> 01:36:18,265
You getting a dog?

1470
01:36:24,413 --> 01:36:26,176
Maya?

1471
01:36:26,248 --> 01:36:29,649
- Can l dance with my dad now?
- lf you must.

1472
01:36:29,718 --> 01:36:33,245
Don't let him go, though, Gert.
He's one of a kind.

1473
01:36:34,890 --> 01:36:36,915
l know.

1474
01:36:38,627 --> 01:36:41,221
Come here.

1475
01:36:41,296 --> 01:36:44,163
- You wanna dance?
- So, no city?

1476
01:36:44,666 --> 01:36:48,432
- No. No city.
- We're staying here with Pop?

1477
01:36:49,438 --> 01:36:52,202
God help us, yes,
we're staying with Pop.

1478
01:36:52,441 --> 01:36:57,208
- And you're taking me to see Cats?
- Oh-ho! Nice try, but no.

1479
01:36:58,647 --> 01:37:02,242
- Thank you, Daddy.
- Anything for you, Gert.

1480
01:37:03,252 --> 01:37:06,221
- You know why?
- Why?

1481
01:37:06,755 --> 01:37:09,952
'Cause you're the only thing
l was ever really good at.

1482
01:37:57,172 --> 01:37:59,538
(# ''Jersey Girl'' by Bruce Springsteen)

1483
01:38:22,498 --> 01:38:27,162
# I got no time for the corner boys

1484
01:38:28,237 --> 01:38:33,174
# Down in the street
making all that noise

1485
01:38:34,643 --> 01:38:38,511
# Or the girls out on the avenue

1486
01:38:40,282 --> 01:38:46,585
# 'Cause tonight I wanna be with you

1487
01:38:46,655 --> 01:38:50,853
# Tonight I'm gonna take that ride

1488
01:38:51,927 --> 01:38:56,694
# Across the river to the Jersey side

1489
01:38:58,100 --> 01:39:01,729
# Take my baby to the carnival

1490
01:39:03,705 --> 01:39:09,735
# Then I'll take her on all the rides

1491
01:39:09,811 --> 01:39:15,306
# 'Cause down the shore
everything's all right

1492
01:39:15,384 --> 01:39:20,845
# You and your baby
on a Saturday night

1493
01:39:22,090 --> 01:39:25,787
# You know all my dreams come true

1494
01:39:27,095 --> 01:39:32,499
# When I'm walking
down the street with you

1495
01:39:32,568 --> 01:39:37,267
# Sing sha la la la la la la

1496
01:39:39,174 --> 01:39:43,304
# Sha la la la la la la la

1497
01:39:44,913 --> 01:39:49,111
# Sha la la la la la la la

1498
01:39:50,519 --> 01:39:56,822
# Sha la la
Well, I'm in love with a Jersey girl

1499
01:39:56,892 --> 01:40:00,953
# Sha la la la la la la la

1500
01:40:02,931 --> 01:40:06,731
# Sha la la la la la la la

1501
01:40:08,804 --> 01:40:13,571
# Sha la la la la la la la

1502
01:40:14,676 --> 01:40:18,612
# Sha la la la la la

1503
01:40:20,115 --> 01:40:25,018
# You know she thrills me
with all her charms

1504
01:40:26,254 --> 01:40:31,248
# When I'm wrapped up
in my baby's arms

1505
01:40:32,060 --> 01:40:36,019
# My little girl gives me everything

1506
01:40:37,799 --> 01:40:42,532
# I know someday
that she'll wear my ring

1507
01:40:43,438 --> 01:40:48,671
# So don't bother me, man,
I ain't got no time

1508
01:40:49,578 --> 01:40:55,016
# I'm on my way
to see that girl of mine

1509
01:40:55,817 --> 01:40:59,947
# 'Cause nothing matters
in this whole wide world

1510
01:41:01,523 --> 01:41:08,019
# When you're in love with a Jersey girl

1511
01:41:08,096 --> 01:41:12,260
# Sha la la la la la la

1512
01:41:13,869 --> 01:41:19,068
# Sha la la la la la la la la la la la

1513
01:41:19,908 --> 01:41:25,175
# Sha la la la la la la la

1514
01:41:25,247 --> 01:41:31,117
# Sha la la
Well, I'm in love with a Jersey girl