{2421}{2492}Who are you?|We are three wise men.
{2493}{2561}What?|We are three wise men.
{2562}{2648}Well, what are you doing creeping around|a cow shed at 2:00 in the morning?
{2650}{2715}That doesn't sound|very wise to me.
{2717}{2795}We are astrologers.|We have come from the east.
{2796}{2851}Is this some kind of joke?
{2852}{2899}We wish to praise the infant.
{2900}{2947}We must pay homage to him.
{2949}{3029}Homage? You're drunk!|It's disgusting!
{3031}{3127}Out the door! Out! Bashing me with|tales about Oriental fortunetellers.
{3129}{3184}Come on, out!|No, no. We must see him.
{3186}{3268}Go and praise someone else's brat.|We were led by a star.
{3269}{3321}Led by a bottle,|more like. Go on out.
{3323}{3373}We must see him.|We have brought presents.
{3375}{3429}Out!|Gold, frankincense, myrrh.
{3431}{3501}Well, why didn't you say?|He's over there.
{3503}{3556}Sorry the place|is a bit of a mess.
{3591}{3678}Well, what is myrrh anyway?|It is a valuable balm.
{3679}{3778}A balm? What are you giving him|a balm for? It might bite him.
{3780}{3855}What?|That's a dangerous animal.
{3857}{3911}No, it isn't.|Yes, it is.
{3912}{3978}It's great big and|No, it is an ointment.
{3979}{4082}Well, there is an animal|called a balm... or did I dream it?
{4083}{4164}So you're astrologers, are you?|Well, what is he, then?
{4166}{4233}Hmm?|What star sign is he?
{4234}{4340}Well, Capricorn.|Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
{4342}{4402}He is the Son of God,|our Messiah.
{4404}{4450}King of the Jews!
{4452}{4531}That's Capricorn, is it?|No, that's just him.
{4532}{4610}Oh, I was gonna say, otherwise|there would be a lot of them.
{4612}{4689}By what name are you calling him?|Uh, Brian.
{4690}{4802}We worship you, O Brian,|who are lord over us all.
{4804}{4931}Praise unto you, Brian, and|to the Lord, our Father. Amen.
{4933}{4983}You do a lot of this, then?|What?
{4985}{5035}This praising.|No, no, no, no.
{5037}{5108}Well, if you're|dropping by again, do pop in.
{5110}{5173}And thanks a lot for|the gold and frankincense.
{5174}{5258}But don't worry too much|about the myrrh next time, all right?
{5260}{5318}Thank you.|Goodbye.
{5362}{5418}Well, weren't they nice?
{5420}{5501}Out of their bloody minds,|but still... Iook at that!
{5502}{5561}Here! Here!
{5563}{5660}That That's mine!|Hey, he's a baby! Oh!
{5942}{6016}Shut up!
{6204}{6265}" Brian "
{6267}{6340}" The babe they called Brian "
{6379}{6447}" He grew "
{6449}{6527}" Grew, grew and grew "
{6529}{6608}" Grew up to be "
{6609}{6687}" Grew up to be "
{6689}{6767}" A boy called Brian "
{6769}{6843}" A boy called Brian "
{6876}{6969}" He had arms and legs "
{6971}{7049}" And hands and feet "
{7051}{7110}" This boy "
{7111}{7212}" Whose name was Brian "
{7214}{7291}" And he grew "
{7292}{7372}" Grew, grew and grew "
{7374}{7444}" Grew up to be "
{7445}{7524}" Yes, he grew up to be "
{7526}{7607}" A teenager called Brian "
{7608}{7700}" A teenager called Brian "
{7702}{7781}" And his face became spotty "
{7782}{7867}" Yes, his face became spotty "
{7869}{7951}" And his voice|dropped down low "
{7953}{8034}" And things started to grow "
{8035}{8112}" On young Brian and show "
{8114}{8205}" He was certainly no "
{8207}{8287}" No girl named Brian "
{8289}{8374}" Not a girl named Brian "
{8564}{8634}" And he started to shave "
{8635}{8699}" And have one off the wrist "
{8701}{8791}" And want to see girls "
{8793}{8879}" And go out and get pissed "
{8881}{8958}" A man called Brian "
{8960}{9041}" This man called Brian "
{9042}{9230}" The man they called Brian "
{9232}{9325}" This man called "
{9326}{9547}" Bri "
{9549}{9603}Aah!
{10558}{10657}How blessed are those who know|that He's a god.
{10659}{10768}How blessed are the sorrowful.|They shall find consolation.
{10825}{10914}How blessed are those|of gentle spirit.
{10916}{10988}They shall have the earth|for their possession.
{11025}{11120}How blessed are those|who hunger and thirst...
{11121}{11189}to see right prevail.
{11191}{11253}They shall be satisfied.
{11298}{11384}How blessed are those|whose hearts are pure.
{11386}{11447}They shall see God.
{11449}{11523}Speak up!|Shhh. Quiet, Mum.
{11524}{11639}Well, I can't hear a thing.|Let's go to the stoning.
{11640}{11709}Shhh!|We can go to a stoning anytime.
{11711}{11794}Oh, come on, Brian.|Will you be quiet?
{11795}{11848}Don't pick your nose.
{11850}{11910}I wasn't picking my nose.|I was scratching.
{11911}{11975}You was picking it|while you was talking to that lady.
{11977}{12035}I wasn't.|Leave it alone. Give it a rest.
{12037}{12100}Do you mind?|I can't hear a word he's saying.
{12102}{12186}Don't you "do you mind" me!|I was talking to my husband.
{12187}{12270}Well, go and talk to him somewhere else.|I can't hear a bloody thing.
{12271}{12319}Don't you swear at my wife.
{12321}{12398}I was only asking her to shut up so|we can hear what he's saying, Big Nose.
{12399}{12483}Don't you call my husband "Big Nose".|Well, he has got a big nose.
{12485}{12539}Could you be quiet, please?|What was that?
{12541}{12597}I was too busy|talking to Big Nose.
{12599}{12666}I think it was,|"Blessed are the cheese makers".
{12668}{12740}What's so special|about the cheese makers?
{12742}{12804}Well, obviously, it's not meant|to be taken literally.
{12805}{12872}It refers to any manufacturers|of dairy products.
{12874}{12942}See, if you hadn't been going on,|we'd have heard that, Big Nose.
{12944}{13014}Hey! Say that once more,|I'll smash your bloody face in.
{13016}{13096}Better keep listening. Might be a bit|about, "Blessed are the Big Noses".
{13098}{13144}Oh, lay off him.
{13145}{13195}Oh, you're not so bad|yourself, Conch Face.
{13197}{13249}Where are you two from,|Nose City?
{13250}{13321}One more time, mate, I'll|take you to fuckin' cleaners!
{13322}{13403}Language!|And don't pick your nose.
{13405}{13469}I wasn't gonna pick my nose.|I was gonna thump him!
{13470}{13540}Hear that? "Blessed are the Greek".|The Greek?
{13542}{13602}Well, apparently|he's going to inherit the earth.
{13604}{13672}Did anyone catch his name?|You're not gonna thump anybody.
{13673}{13741}I'll thump him|if he calls me "Big Nose" again.
{13742}{13816}Oh, shut up, Big Nose.|Oh! Right. I warned you.
{13817}{13908}I really will slug you so hard|Oh, it's the meek!
{13909}{13978}"Blessed are the meek"!|Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
{13980}{14051}I'm glad they're getting something,|'cause they have a hell of a time.
{14052}{14141}Listen, I'm only telling the truth.|You have got a very big nose.
{14143}{14257}Hey, your nose gonna be three foot wide|across your face when I'm finished!
{14259}{14332}Shhh!|Who hit yours, then?|Goliath's big brother?
{14333}{14388}Oh. Right.|That's your last warning.
{14389}{14465}Oh, do pipe down.
{14467}{14539}Silly bitch.|Get in the way on me.
{14620}{14695}Oh, come on.|Let's go to the stoning.
{14697}{14748}All right.
{14800}{14899}Blessed is just about anyone with|a vested interest in the status quo.
{14901}{15014}Well, what Jesus fails to appreciate|is it's the meek who are the problem.
{15016}{15113}Yes, yes. Absolutely, Reg.|Yes, I see.
{15115}{15220}Oh, come on, Brian. They're gonna|stone him before we get there.
{15221}{15290}All right.
{15291}{15366}That's disgusting.
{15367}{15482}It's the chap with a big nose's fault.|He started it all.
{15484}{15545}Oh, I hate wearing these beards.
{15547}{15617}Why aren't women allowed|to go to stonings, Mum?
{15619}{15670}It's written, that's why.
{15672}{15713}Beard, madame?
{15715}{15777}Oh, look, I haven't got time|to go to no stonings.
{15779}{15825}He's not well again.
{15827}{15878}Stone, sir?
{15879}{15941}No, they got them up there,|lying around on the ground.
{15943}{16000}Oh, not like these, sir.|Look at this.
{16002}{16066}Feel the quality of that.|That's craftsmanship, sir.
{16068}{16158}Well, all right. We'll have two|with points and a big, flat one.
{16160}{16211}Can I have a flat one, Mum?|Shhh!
{16213}{16259}Sorry. Dad.|All right.
{16261}{16331}Two points, two flats|and a packet of gravel.
{16333}{16390}Packet of gravel. Should be|a good one this afternoon.
{16391}{16431}Who?|Local boy.
{16433}{16474}Oh, good.|Enjoy yourselves.
{16921}{16991}Matthias, son|of Deuteronomy of Gath?
{16993}{17048}Do I say yes? Yes.|Yes.
{17050}{17137}You have been found guilty|by the elders of the town...
{17139}{17213}of uttering|the name of our Lord.
{17214}{17306}And so as a blasphemer...
{17308}{17373}you are to be stoned to death.
{17375}{17455}Look, I'd had a lovely supper,
{17457}{17508}and all I said to my wife was,
{17509}{17575}"That piece of halibut|was good enough for Jehovah".
{17577}{17653}Blasphemy! He said it again!
{17655}{17717}Did you hear him?
{17771}{17817}Really!
{17887}{17940}Are there any women|here today?
{18084}{18205}Very well. By virtue|of the authority vested in me
{18207}{18280}Ow! Lay off!|We haven't started yet!
{18282}{18356}Come on!|Who threw that?
{18358}{18420}Who threw that stone?|Come on.
{18421}{18472}She did! She did!
{18474}{18524}He did! He did!
{18526}{18580}Sorry. I thought|we'd started.
{18582}{18660}Go to the back.
{18661}{18751}Always one, isn't there?|Now, where were we?
{18753}{18840}Look, I don't think it ought to be|blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah".
{18842}{18941}You're only making it|worse for yourself.
{18943}{19015}Making it worse?|How could it be worse?
{19016}{19080}Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
{19082}{19175}I'm warning you, if you say|"Jehovah" once more
{19176}{19227}Right.|Who threw that?
{19263}{19316}Come on.|Who threw that?
{19367}{19419}Him, him, him.
{19421}{19467}Was it you?|Yes.
{19469}{19515}Right|Well, you did say "Jehovah".
{19623}{19687}Stop! Will you stop that?
{19689}{19806}Stop it! Now, look!|No one is to stone anyone...
{19808}{19861}until I blow this whistle.
{19863}{19971}Do you understand? Even and I want|to make this absolutely clear
{19973}{20030}Even if they do say "Jehovah".
{20191}{20261}Good shot! Bravo!
{20502}{20596}Have I got a big nose, Mum?|Oh, stop thinking about sex.
{20598}{20683}I wasn't!|You're always on about it,|morning, noon and night.
{20685}{20753}"Will the girls like this?|Will the girls like that?
{20754}{20818}Is it too big?|ls it too small?"
{20820}{20873}Here you are, mate.
{20875}{20927}Bless you, sir.|Alms for the poor.
{20929}{21010}Alms for a leper.|Alms for an exleper.
{21012}{21083}Bloody donkey owners.|All the same, ain't they?
{21085}{21145}Never have any change.|Oh, here's a touch.
{21147}{21230}Spare a talent for an old exleper?|Buzz off!
{21231}{21288}Spare a talent|for an old exleper?
{21290}{21355}A talent?|That's more than he earns in a month!
{21357}{21407}Half a talent, then.|Now, go away!
{21409}{21466}Come on, Big Nose, let's haggle.|What?
{21468}{21552}You open at one shekel.|I start at 2,000. We close about 1,800.
{21554}{21600}No.|1,750?
{21601}{21649}Go away!|1,740?
{21651}{21720}Leave him alone!|All right, two shekels.|Isn't this fun, eh?
{21722}{21803}Look, he's not giving you|any money, so piss off!
{21904}{22016}All right. Half a shekel|for an old exleper?|Did you say "exleper"?
{22017}{22083}Sixteen years behind the bell,|and proud of it, sir.
{22085}{22148}Well, what happened?|I were cured, sir.
{22150}{22205}Cured?|Yes, a bloody miracle, sir.
{22207}{22273}Well, who cured you?|Jesus did, sir.
{22275}{22335}I was hopping along,|minding my own business.
{22337}{22394}All of a sudden,|up he comes, cures me!
{22396}{22443}One minute,|I'm a leper with a trade;
{22445}{22494}next minute,|my livelihood's gone.
{22496}{22560}"You're cured, mate".|Bloody dogooder.
{22561}{22648}Well, why don't you go and tell him|that you want to be a leper again?
{22649}{22714}I could do that, sir.|Yeah, I could do that, I suppose.
{22716}{22804}I was gonna ask him if he'd|make me a bit lame in one leg|during the middle of the week.
{22806}{22892}You know, something beggable but not|leprosy, which is a pain in the ass.
{22894}{22959}Brian! Come and clean|your room out!
{22961}{23035}There you are.|Thank you, sir. Thank
{23037}{23105}Half a denary?|Me bloody life story.
{23107}{23158}There's no pleasing|some people.
{23160}{23233}That's just|what Jesus said, sir.
{23488}{23564}Oh!|Good afternoon.
{23566}{23638}Oh, uh, hello, officer.
{23640}{23719}I'll be with you in a few|moments, all right, dear?
{23721}{23809}What's he doing here?|Don't start that, Brian.|Go and clean your room out.
{23811}{23871}Bloody Romans!|Now look, Brian.
{23873}{23934}If it wasn't for him,|we wouldn't have all this.
{23936}{24018}And don't you forget it.|We don't owe the Romans anything, Mum.
{24019}{24106}Well, that's not entirely true.|What do you mean?
{24108}{24206}Well, you know you were|asking me about your|My nose?
{24208}{24284}Yes. Well, there's a reason|it's like it is, Brian.
{24286}{24332}What is it?
{24334}{24403}Well, I suppose I should've|told you a long time ago
{24405}{24483}What?|Well, Brian...
{24485}{24560}your father|isn't Mr. Cohen.
{24562}{24631}Well, I never thought he was.|None of your cheek!
{24633}{24690}He was a Roman, Brian.
{24692}{24764}He was a centurion|in the Roman army.
{24765}{24864}You mean you were raped?|Well, at first, yes.
{24866}{24961}Who was it?|Naughtius Maximus, his name was.
{24963}{25024}Promised me|the known world, he did.
{25026}{25095}I was to be taken to Rome,|housed by the Forum
{25097}{25149}slaves, asses' milk,
{25150}{25206}as much gold as I could eat.
{25208}{25268}Then he, having his way|with me, he had
{25270}{25346}Vroom, like a rat out of an aqueduct!|The bastard!
{25348}{25425}Yeah, so next time you go on|about the bloody Romans,
{25426}{25473}don't forget|you're one of 'em!
{25474}{25550}I'm not a Roman, Mum!|And I never will be!
{25552}{25622}I'm a kike, a Yid,|a hebe, a hooknose!
{25624}{25740}I'm kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea|pedestrian, and proud of it!
{25837}{25911}Sex, sex, sex. That's all|they think about, huh?
{25913}{25991}Well, how are you,|then, officer?
{26401}{26496}Ladies and gentlemen,|the next contest...
{26497}{26544}is between...
{26545}{26658}Frank Goliath,|the Macedonian babycrusher,
{26660}{26748}and Boris Mineburg.
{26803}{26882}Larks' tongues.|Wren's livers.
{26884}{26988}Chaffinch brains.|Jaguars' earlobes.
{26990}{27058}Wolf's nipple chips. Get 'em|while they're hot. They're lovely.
{27060}{27146}Dromedary pretzels, only half a denar.|Tuscany fried bats.
{27148}{27241}I do feel, Reg, that any|antilmperialist group like ours...
{27243}{27338}must reflect such a divergence|of interest within its power base.
{27340}{27429}Oh, great. Francis?|Yeah, I think Judith's point|of view is very valid, Reg,
{27431}{27478}provided the movement|never forgets...
{27480}{27537}that it is the inalienable|right of every man|Or woman.
{27539}{27577}or woman|to rid himself
{27579}{27621}Or herself.|or herself
{27623}{27665}Agreed.|Thank you, brother.
{27667}{27713}Or sister.|Or sister.
{27715}{27761}Where was I?
{27762}{27832}I think you finished.|Oh, right.
{27834}{27902}Furthermore, it is|the birthright of every man
{27903}{27976}Or woman.|Why don't you shut up about women?
{27978}{28054}Women have a perfect right|to play a part in our movement.
{28055}{28110}Why are you always on|about women, Stan?
{28112}{28150}I want to be one.
{28201}{28276}What?|I want to be a woman.
{28278}{28373}From now on, I want you all|to call me "Loretta".
{28407}{28476}What?|It's my right as a man.
{28478}{28566}Well, why do you want|to be Loretta, Stan?
{28567}{28630}I want to have babies.
{28631}{28694}You want to have babies?
{28695}{28760}It's every man's right|to have babies if he wants them.
{28761}{28828}But you can't have babies.|Don't you oppress me.
{28829}{28912}I'm not oppressing you.|You haven't got a womb.
{28914}{28963}Where is the fetus|gonna gestate?
{28965}{29023}You're gonna keep it|in a box?
{29097}{29143}Here, I've got an idea.
{29145}{29209}Suppose you agree that|he can't actually have babies,
{29211}{29289}not having a womb which is|nobody's fault, not even the Romans'
{29290}{29361}but that he can have|the right to have babies?
{29362}{29429}Good idea, Judith.|We shall fight the oppressors...
{29431}{29482}for your right to have|babies, brother
{29484}{29550}Sister. Sorry.|What's the point?
{29552}{29629}What?|What's the point of fighting|for his right to have babies...
{29631}{29711}when he can't have babies?
{29713}{29796}It is symbolic of our|struggle against oppression.
{29843}{29907}Symbolic of his struggle|against reality.
{30111}{30180}It's dangerous out there.
{30681}{30779}Larks' tongues. Otters' noses.|Ocelot spleens.
{30781}{30834}Got any nuts?|Haven't got any nuts. Sorry.
{30835}{30917}I've got wrens' livers,|badger spleens|No, no, no.
{30919}{30980}Otters' noses?|I don't want that Roman rubbish!
{30982}{31059}Why don't you sell proper food?|Proper food?
{31060}{31126}Yeah, and not those rich,|lmperialist tidbits.
{31127}{31203}Well, don't blame me.|I didn't ask to sell this stuff.
{31204}{31255}All right.|Bag of otters' noses, then.
{31257}{31323}Make it two. Thanks, Reg.|Two.
{31324}{31391}Are you the Judean People's Front?|Fuck off!
{31392}{31466}What?|Judean People's Front!
{31467}{31546}We're the People's Front of Judea!
{31548}{31638}Judean People's Front!|Wankers.
{31697}{31767}Can I join your group?|No. Piss off.
{31768}{31836}I didn't want to sell|this stuff. It's only a job.
{31838}{31925}I hate the Romans as much as anybody!|Shhh. Shhh!
{31927}{32033}Are you sure?|Oh, dead sure. I hate the Romans.
{32035}{32117}Listen, if you wanted|to join the P.F.J.,
{32119}{32190}you'd have to really|hate the Romans.
{32191}{32263}I do.|Oh, yeah? How much?
{32265}{32313}A lot.
{32368}{32418}Right. You're in.
{32419}{32491}Listen. The only people|we hate more than the Romans...
{32493}{32548}are the fuckin'|Judean People's Front.
{32550}{32588}Yeah!|Splitters!
{32590}{32660}And the Judean Popular People's Front.|Oh, yeah! Splitters!
{32662}{32726}And the People's Front of Judea.|Splitters!
{32727}{32786}What?|The People's Front of Judea.
{32787}{32849}We're the People's Front of Judea!
{32850}{32923}Oh. I thought we were|the Popular Front.
{32925}{32981}People's Front!
{32982}{33081}What happened to the Popular Front?|He's over there.
{33142}{33212}Splitter!
{33341}{33447}Oh! I think I'm about|to have a cardiac arrest.
{33449}{33546}Absolutely dreadful.
{33828}{33934}Brother! Haha!|What's your name?
{33936}{33997}Brian. Brian Cohen.
{33999}{34078}We may have a little job|for you, Brian.
{35404}{35500}What's this, then?|"Romanes eunt domus"?
{35502}{35576}"People called Romanes,|they go the house"?
{35578}{35630}Ilt says "Romans, go home".
{35631}{35730}No, it doesn't.|What's Latin for "Roman"?
{35731}{35781}Come on!|"Romanes"?
{35783}{35830}Goes like?|"Annus"?
{35831}{35886}Vocative plural of "annus" is?|"Anni"?
{35887}{35954}"Romani".
{35956}{36018}"Eunt"? What is "eunt"?|"Go".
{36020}{36070}Conjugate the verb "to go".
{36072}{36153}"lre, eo, is, it,|imus, itis, eunt".
{36155}{36203}So "eunt" is?
{36205}{36269}Third person plural,|present indicative. "They go".
{36271}{36383}But "Romans, go home" is|an order, so you must use the
{36385}{36437}The imperative.|Which is?
{36438}{36489}Um, oh, oh, "i".
{36490}{36551}How many Romans?|Aah! Plural, plural.
{36553}{36622}"Ite".|"Ite".
{36623}{36700}"Domus"? Nominative?
{36702}{36800}"Go home". This is motion|towards, isn't it, Brian?
{36802}{36848}Dative!
{36850}{36899}No, not dative!
{36901}{36959}Accusative, accusative!
{36961}{37043}"Domum", sir. "Ad domum".|Except when "domus" takes the
{37045}{37092}Locative, sir.|Which is?
{37094}{37146}"Domum".|"Domum".
{37148}{37200}"Um".
{37202}{37248}Understand?|Yes, sir.
{37249}{37281}Now, write it out 100 times.
{37282}{37318}Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.|Hail Caesar, sir.
{37320}{37389}Hail Caesar. If it's not done|by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
{37390}{37473}Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you.|Hail Caesar and everything, sir.
{37961}{38036}Finished!
{38075}{38168}Right. Now,|don't do it again.
{38741}{38792}Hey, bloody Romans!
{39609}{39680}We're gettin' in through the|underground heating system here,
{39681}{39749}up through into the main|audience chamber here,
{39751}{39827}and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here.
{39829}{39910}Having grabbed his wife, we inform|Pilate that she is in our custody...
{39911}{39967}and forthwith issue our demands.
{39969}{40040}Any questions?|What exactly are the demands?
{40042}{40092}We're giving Pilate|two days to dismantle...
{40094}{40154}the entire apparatus of|the Roman lmperialist State,
{40156}{40211}and if he doesn't agree|immediately, we execute her.
{40213}{40284}Cut her head off?|Cut all her bits off.
{40286}{40357}Send them back|on the hour, every hour.
{40359}{40424}And, of course, we point out|that they bear...
{40426}{40485}full responsibility|when we chop her up...
{40487}{40562}and that we shall not submit|to blackmail.
{40564}{40618}No blackmail!
{40620}{40708}They bled us white, the bastards.|They've taken everything we had.
{40710}{40798}And not just from us. From our fathers|and from our fathers' fathers.
{40800}{40856}And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.|Yeah.
{40857}{40945}And from our fathers'|fathers' fathers' fathers.|Don't labor the point.
{40946}{41032}And what have they ever|given us in return?
{41083}{41144}The aqueduct.|What?
{41145}{41196}The aqueduct.
{41197}{41249}Oh, yeah, yeah.|They did give us that.
{41250}{41309}And the sanitation.
{41310}{41395}Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg.|Remember what the city used to be like.
{41397}{41487}Yeah, I'll grant you,|the aqueduct and sanitation are|two things the Romans have done.
{41489}{41559}And the roads.|Well, obviously the roads.
{41561}{41621}I mean, the roads go|without saying, don't they?
{41623}{41694}But apart from the sanitation,|the aqueduct and the roads
{41696}{41740}lrrigation.|Medicine.
{41741}{41800}Education.|Yeah, all right. Fair enough.
{41801}{41875}And the wine.
{41876}{41954}Yeah, that's something we'd really miss,|Reg, if the Romans left.
{41956}{42047}Public baths.|And it's safe to walk|in the streets at night.
{42049}{42140}Yeah, they certainly keep order.|They're the only ones who could|in a place like this.
{42196}{42262}All right, but apart from|the sanitation, the medicine,
{42264}{42340}education, wine, public order,|irrigation, roads,
{42341}{42403}the fresh water system|and public health,
{42405}{42484}what have the Romans|ever done for us?
{42485}{42580}Brought peace.|Oh, peace! Shut up!
{42849}{42910}I'm a poor man.|My sight is poor.
{42911}{42966}My legs are old and bent.
{42968}{43016}It's all right, Matthias.
{43018}{43067}It's all clear.
{43248}{43313}Well, where's Reg?
{43315}{43392}Oh, Reg. Reg, Judith.
{43394}{43490}What went wrong?|The first blow has been struck.
{43492}{43568}Did he finish the slogan?|A hundred times,
{43570}{43666}in letters ten foot high,|all the way around the palace.
{43668}{43733}Oh, great. Great.
{43735}{43803}We We need doers|in our movement, Brian,
{43805}{43864}but before you join us, know this:
{43866}{43928}There is not one of us who|would not gladly suffer death...
{43930}{43988}to rid this country of|the Romans once and for all.
{43990}{44068}Oh, yeah, there's one.
{44070}{44126}But otherwise, we're solid.|Are you with us?
{44128}{44192}Yes.
{44194}{44308}From now on you shall be called|"Brian that is called Brian".
{44310}{44381}Tell him about the raid|on Pilate's palace, Francis.
{44383}{44454}Right.|This is the plan.
{44455}{44518}Now, this is the palace|on Caesar's Square.
{44519}{44587}Our commando unit will approach|from Fish Street under cover of night...
{44589}{44674}and make our way|to the northwestern main drain.
{44676}{44771}If questioned, we are sewage workers|on our way to a conference.
{44773}{44858}Reg, our glorious leader|and founder of the P.F.J.,
{44860}{44944}will be coordinating consultant|at the drain head,
{44946}{45023}though he himself will not be taking|part in any terrorist action...
{45025}{45071}as he has a bad back.
{45073}{45125}Aren't you going to come with us?|Solidarity, brother.
{45127}{45193}Oh, yes, solidarity, Reg.
{45194}{45270}Once in the sewer,|timing will be of the essence.
{45272}{45348}There is a Roman feast later|in the evening, so you must move fast.
{45350}{45421}And don't wear|your best sandals.
{45422}{45512}Turning left here, we enter the|CaesarAugustus memorial sewer,
{45513}{45579}and from there proceed|directly to the hypocaust.
{45581}{45697}This has just been retiled. So,|terrorists, careful with those weapons.
{45699}{45787}We will now be directly beneath|Pilate's audience chamber itself.
{45788}{45867}This is the moment for Habbakuk|to get out his prong.
{47307}{47377}Shhh. Shhh.
{47764}{47827}Campaign for Free Galilee.
{47829}{47903}Oh, uh, People's Front|of Judea. Officials.
{47905}{47970}Oh.|What's your group doing here?
{47971}{48047}We're gonna kidnap Pilate's wife,|take her back, issue demands.
{48049}{48119}So are we. That's our plan.|What?
{48121}{48181}We were here first.|What do you mean?
{48183}{48238}We thought of it first.|We did!
{48240}{48301}Yes, a couple of years ago.|We did!
{48302}{48359}Come on. You got all your demands|worked out, then?
{48361}{48413}Of course we have.|What are they?
{48414}{48474}Well, I'm not telling you.|Oh, come on!
{48476}{48542}That's not the point.|We thought of it before you.
{48544}{48590}Did not!|We did!
{48592}{48667}You bastards, we've been|planning this for months.
{48669}{48769}Well, tough pity for you,|Fish Face. Oh!
{48770}{48837}Brothers, we should|be struggling together.
{48839}{48925}We mustn't fight each other.
{48927}{49009}Surely, we should be united|against the common enemy.
{49010}{49070}The Judean People's Front!
{49072}{49130}No, no, the Romans!
{49132}{49190}Oh, yeah, yeah.
{49191}{49254}Yeah, he's right.
{49401}{49484}Right. Where were we?|You were gonna punch me.
{50033}{50093}Brothers!
{50792}{50839}What
{51562}{51613}You lucky bastard.
{51615}{51662}Who's that?
{51664}{51712}You lucky, lucky bastard.
{51714}{51792}What?|Quite the little jailer's pet, are we?
{51794}{51877}What do you mean?|You must've slipped him a few shekels.
{51879}{51951}Slipped him a few shekels?|You saw him spit in my face.
{51953}{52054}Oh, what wouldn't I give|to be spat at in the face!
{52056}{52167}I sometimes hang awake at night|dreaming of being spat at in the face.
{52169}{52238}Well, it's not exactly friendly.|They have me in manacles.
{52240}{52298}Manacles?
{52300}{52389}My idea of heaven is to be|allowed to be put in manacles...
{52391}{52441}just for a few hours.
{52442}{52542}They must think the sun shines|out of your ass, son.
{52544}{52593}Oh, lay off me!|I've had a hard time!
{52594}{52673}You've had a hard time?|I've been here five years.
{52675}{52753}They only hung me the right way|up yesterday, so don't you
{52754}{52812}All right, all right.
{52814}{52905}They must think|you're Lord God Almighty.
{52907}{52997}What will they do to me?|Oh, you'll probably|get away with crucifixion.
{52999}{53073}Crucifixion?|Yeah, first offense.
{53074}{53125}Get away with crucifixion?|It's
{53127}{53195}Best thing the Romans ever did for us.|What?
{53197}{53278}Oh, yeah, if we didn't have crucifixion,|this country'd be in a bloody mess.
{53279}{53349}Guard!|Nail him up, I say!
{53351}{53425}Guard!|Nail some sense into him!
{53427}{53475}What do you want?
{53477}{53554}I want you to move me to another cell.
{53556}{53638}Aah!|Oh, look at that! Bloody favoritism.
{53640}{53710}Shut up, you!|Sorry.
{53785}{53860}Now take my case.|They hung me up here five years ago.
{53861}{53933}Every night, they take me down for|20 minutes, then they hang me up again,
{53935}{54008}which I regard as very fair|in view of what I've done.
{54009}{54124}And if nothing else, it's|taught me to respect the Romans,
{54126}{54220}and it's taught me that you'll|never get anywhere in this life...
{54222}{54328}unless you're prepared to do|a fair day's work for a fair day's
{54329}{54391}Oh, shut up!
{54393}{54465}Here.|Pilate wants to see you.
{54466}{54514}Me?|Come on!
{54516}{54568}Pilate? What's he want|to see me for?
{54570}{54641}I think he wants to know which way up|you want to be crucified.
{54643}{54724}Nice one, centurion. Like it.
{54725}{54828}Shut up!|Right, right.
{54830}{54923}Terrific race, the Romans.|Terrific!
{55343}{55389}Hail Caesar.|Hail.
{55391}{55480}Only one survivor, sir.|Oh. "Thwow" him to the floor.
{55482}{55558}What's that?|Throw him to the floor.
{55559}{55607}Oh.
{55676}{55755}Now, what is|your name, Jew?
{55757}{55827}Brian, sir.|"Bwian", eh?
{55828}{55874}No, no. Brian.
{55876}{55929}Aah!
{55931}{56001}The little rascal|has "spiwit".
{56002}{56058}Has what, sir?|"Spiwit".
{56060}{56110}Yes, he did, sir.
{56112}{56216}No, no. "Spiwit", "bwavado",|a touch of "dewwingdo".
{56218}{56278}Oh, uh, about 11, sir.
{56342}{56426}So, you dare to "waid" us?
{56428}{56475}To what, sir?
{56476}{56535}"Stwike" him, centurion,|very "woughly".
{56536}{56618}Aah!|And "thwow" him to the floor, sir?
{56620}{56681}What?|"Thwow" him to the floor again, sir?
{56683}{56754}Oh, yes, "thwow" him|to the floor, please.
{56756}{56872}Aah!|Now, Jewish "wapscallion"
{56874}{56925}I'm not Jewish.|I'm a Roman.
{56926}{56997}A "Woman"?|No, no. Roman.
{56998}{57045}Aah!
{57047}{57166}So, your father was|a "Woman". Who was he?
{57167}{57257}He was a centurion|in the Jerusalem garrison, sir.
{57259}{57335}Really?|What was his name?
{57337}{57416}"Naughtius Maximus".
{57483}{57574}Centurion, do you have|anyone of that name in the garrison?
{57576}{57627}Well, no, sir.
{57629}{57705}Well, you sound very sure.|Have you checked?
{57706}{57797}Well, no, sir.|I think it's a joke, sir.
{57799}{57898}Like, uh, "Sillius Soddus"|or "Biggus Dickus", sir.
{57950}{58020}What's funny|about "Biggus Dickus"?
{58053}{58126}Well, it's a joke name, sir.
{58128}{58209}I have a very great|friend in Rome called Biggus Dickus.
{58273}{58348}Silence!|What is all this insolence?
{58349}{58432}You will find yourself|in gladiator school "vewy" quickly...
{58433}{58480}with "wotten" behavior like that.
{58481}{58563}Can I go now, sir?|Aaah!
{58564}{58624}Wait till Biggus Dickus|hears of this.
{58625}{58705}"Wight"! Take him away!
{58707}{58792}Oh, sir, he|I want him fighting wild,|"wabid" animals within a week.
{58794}{58862}Yes, sir.|Come on, you.
{58964}{59075}I will not have my friends|"widiculed" by the common "soldiewy".
{59119}{59229}Anyone else feel like|a little giggle...
{59231}{59317}when I mention my "fwiend",
{59319}{59396}Biggus...
{59398}{59472}Dickus?
{59529}{59655}What about you?|Do you find it "wisible"...
{59694}{59769}when I say the name...
{59771}{59882}Biggus... Dickus?
{60354}{60443}He has a wife, you know?
{60445}{60509}You know what she's called?
{60569}{60649}She's called "lncontinentia".
{60714}{60767}"lncontinentia Buttocks".
{60769}{60824}Shut up!|What is all this?
{60826}{60904}I've had enough of this|"wowdy", "webel" behavior!
{60905}{60996}Silence! Quiet!|"Pwaetowian" guards!
{60997}{61089}Seize him! Seize him!|Blow your noses and seize him!
{61422}{61486}Hmm? Hmm.
{63910}{63979}Oh, you lucky bastard.
{64348}{64430}And the bezan|shall be huge and black...
{64431}{64541}And the eyes thereof red with|the blood of living creatures!
{64542}{64611}And the whore of Babylon...
{64612}{64690}shall ride forth|on a threeheaded serpent!
{64692}{64809}And throughout the lands|there'll be a great rubbing of parts.
{64811}{64917}The demon shall bear|a ninebladed sword.
{64918}{65027}Ninebladed not two|or five or seven, but nine
{65029}{65142}which he will wield on all wretched|sinners, just like you, sir, there.
{65144}{65244}And the whoring shall be|on the head of Addius.
{65246}{65376}There shall in that time|be rumors of things going astray,
{65377}{65485}um, and there shall be a great confusion|as to where things really are.
{65487}{65559}And nobody will really know|where lieth...
{65561}{65622}those little things...
{65624}{65701}with the sort of raffia work|base that has an attachment.
{65702}{65816}At this time, a friend|shall lose his friend's hammer,
{65818}{65909}and the young shall not know|where lieth...
{65911}{65965}the things possessed|by their fathers...
{65967}{66055}that their fathers put there|only just the night before about 8:00.
{66056}{66148}Yea, it is written|in the Book of Cyril...
{66149}{66208}in that time
{66425}{66497}How much, quick?|It's for the wife.
{66499}{66571}Oh, uh, 20 shekels.|Right.
{66572}{66622}What?|There you are.
{66624}{66670}Wait a minute.|What?
{66672}{66728}We're supposed to haggle.|No, no, no. I've got to get
{66730}{66776}What do you mean, no?|I haven't got time.
{66778}{66837}Well, give it back, then.|No, no. I just paid you.
{66839}{66920}Burt, this bloke won't haggle.|Won't haggle?
{66921}{66972}All right.|Do we have to?
{66974}{67038}I want 20 for that.|I just gave you 20.
{67040}{67105}Are you telling me|that's not worth 20 shekels?|No.
{67107}{67189}Feel the quality.|That's none of your goat.|I'll give you 19, then.
{67191}{67239}No, no, no. Do it properly.|What?
{67240}{67322}Haggle properly. This isn't worth 19.|You just said it was worth 20.
{67324}{67390}Oh, dear, oh, dear.|Come on, haggle.
{67392}{67451}All right, I'll give you ten.|That's more like it.
{67452}{67504}Ten? Are you|trying to insult me?
{67506}{67573}Me with a poor, dying|grandmother? Ten?
{67575}{67643}All right, I'll give you 11.|Now you're gettin' it.
{67645}{67749}Did I hear you right? Eleven?|This cost me 12. You want to ruin me?
{67750}{67815}Seventeen?|No, no, no, no. Seventeen.
{67817}{67877}Eighteen.|No, no. You go to 14 now.
{67879}{67947}All right, I'll give you 14.|Fourteen? Are you joking?
{67949}{68004}That's what you told me to say!|Oh, dear.
{68006}{68061}Oh, tell me|what to say, please!
{68062}{68110}Offer me 14.|I'll give you 14.
{68111}{68185}He's offering me 14 for this!|Fifteen!
{68187}{68267}Seventeen. My last word. I won't take|a penny less, or strike me dead.
{68269}{68313}Sixteen.|Done.
{68314}{68364}Nice to do business with you.
{68366}{68437}I'll throw you in this as well.|I don't want it, but thanks.
{68439}{68493}Burt.|All right, all right.
{68494}{68560}Now, where's the 16 you owe me?|I just gave you 20.
{68562}{68628}Right. That's four I owe you, then.|That's right. That's fine.
{68630}{68687}I've got it here somewhere.|That's four for the gourd.
{68689}{68751}Four? For this gourd?
{68753}{68821}Look at it! It's worth ten|if it's worth a shekel.
{68823}{68901}You gave it to me for nothing.|Yes, but it's worth ten.
{68903}{68946}All right, all right.
{69008}{69064}No, no, no, no.|It's not worth ten.
{69066}{69153}You're supposed to argue.|"Ten for that? You must be mad".
{69218}{69300}Oh, well.|One born every minute.
{69301}{69349}Daniel.|Daniel.
{69351}{69403}Job.|Job.
{69405}{69455}Joshua.|Joshua.
{69457}{69512}Judges.|Judges.
{69513}{69578}And Brian.|And Brian.
{69580}{69684}I now propose that all seven|of these exbrothers...
{69686}{69768}be now entered in the minutes|as probationary martyrs to the cause.
{69770}{69853}I second that, Reg.|Thank you, Loretta. On the nod.
{69855}{69955}Siblings, let us not|be down on it.
{69956}{70038}One total catastrophe like this...
{70040}{70083}is just the beginning!
{70084}{70155}Their glorious deaths|shall unite us all in
{70156}{70203}Look out!
{70460}{70511}Hello?
{70513}{70563}Matthias?
{70564}{70620}Reg?|Go away.
{70661}{70708}Reg, it's me, Brian.
{70709}{70759}Get off!|Get off out of it!
{70761}{70808}Stan!|Piss off.
{70809}{70854}Yeah, piss off.|Bugger off.
{70910}{70978}Oh, shit!
{70979}{71026}Coming.
{71138}{71227}Yea, verily at that time it is|written in the book of Obadiah,
{71229}{71347}a man shall strike his donkey|and his nephew's donkey.
{71419}{71495}My eyes are dim.|I cannot see.
{71497}{71556}Are you Matthias?|Yes.
{71558}{71628}We have reason to believe|you may be hiding one Brian of Nazareth,
{71630}{71706}a member of the terrorist organization,|the People's Front of Judea.
{71708}{71773}Me? No.|I'm just a poor old man.
{71775}{71823}I have no time|for lawbreakers.
{71825}{71881}My legs are grey.|My ears are nulled.
{71883}{71931}My eyes are old and bent.
{71933}{71982}Quiet!|Silly person.
{71984}{72034}Guards, search the house.
{72286}{72346}You know the penalty|laid down by Roman law...
{72348}{72396}for harboring|a known criminal?
{72398}{72444}No.|Crucifixion.
{72446}{72500}Oh.
{72502}{72589}Nasty, eh?|Could be worse.
{72591}{72649}What do you mean,|"Could be worse"?
{72651}{72704}Well, you could be stabbed.
{72706}{72788}Stabbed? Takes a second.|Crucifixion lasts hours.
{72790}{72852}It's a slow, horrible death.
{72854}{72930}Well, at least it gets you|out in the open air.
{72961}{73007}You're weird.
{73182}{73261}No, sir.|Couldn't find anything, sir.
{73262}{73364}Well, don't worry.|You've not seen the last of us, weirdo.
{73365}{73425}Big Nose.|Watch it!
{73492}{73555}Whew, that was lucky.
{73632}{73678}I'm sorry, Reg.
{73680}{73733}Oh, it's all right.|He's sorry.
{73735}{73800}He's sorry he led the Fifth Legion|straight to our headquarters.
{73801}{73870}Well, that's all right,|then, Brian. Sit down.
{73872}{73957}Have a scone.|Make yourself at home. You klutz!
{73959}{74042}You stupid, birdbrained,|flatheaded
{74219}{74300}My legs are old and bent.
{74301}{74348}My ears are grizzled. Yes?
{74349}{74426}There's one place|we didn't look. Guards!
{74428}{74526}I'm just a poor old man.
{74528}{74574}My nose is knackered.
{74576}{74634}Have you ever seen|anyone crucified?
{74636}{74692}Crucifixion's a doddle.
{74693}{74739}Don't keep saying that.
{74854}{74909}Found this spoon, sir.
{74911}{74964}Well done, sergeant.
{74966}{75050}We'll be back, oddball.
{75108}{75159}Open up!
{75161}{75222}You haven't given us|time to hide.
{75512}{75603}ln that time|The serpent, he shall strike you
{75605}{75712}Holes from every bitch|you got germs from|Jumbo jets
{75813}{75878}Don't pass judgement|on other people...
{75879}{75930}or you might|get judged yourself.
{75932}{76019}What?|I said, don't pass|judgement on other people...
{76021}{76086}or else you might|get judged too.
{76088}{76133}Who, me?|Yes.
{76135}{76210}Thank you very much.|Not just you. All of you.
{76212}{76268}That's a nice gourd.|What?
{76270}{76329}How much do you want for the gourd?|You can have it.
{76331}{76397}Have it?|Yes. Consider the lilies.
{76399}{76452}Don't you want to haggle?|No. In the field.
{76454}{76507}What's wrong with it?|Nothing. Take it.
{76509}{76584}Consider the lilies?|Well, the birds, then.
{76586}{76632}What birds?|Any birds.
{76634}{76695}Why?|Well, have they got jobs?
{76697}{76742}Who?|The birds.
{76744}{76790}Have the birds got jobs?
{76792}{76877}What's the matter with him?|Says the birds are scrounging.
{76879}{76949}The point is, the birds,|they do all right, don't they?
{76951}{77018}Well, good luck to 'em.|Yeah, they're very pretty.
{77020}{77115}Okay. And you're much more|important than they are, right?
{77117}{77183}So what are you worrying about?|There you are. See?
{77185}{77248}I'm worrying about what|you've got against birds.
{77250}{77300}I haven't got anything|against the birds.
{77302}{77373}Consider the lilies.|He's having a go at the flowers now!
{77374}{77445}Give the flowers a chance.|I'll give you one for it.
{77446}{77499}It's yours.|Two, then.
{77501}{77556}Look, there was this man,|and he had two servants.
{77557}{77623}What were they called?|What were their names?
{77625}{77685}I don't know.|And he gave them some talents.
{77687}{77751}You don't know?|Well, it doesn't matter.
{77752}{77802}He doesn't know|what they were called!
{77804}{77882}They were called Simon and Adrian.|You said you didn't know!
{77884}{77957}It really doesn't matter. The point is,|there were these two servants.
{77959}{78030}He's making it up as he goes along.|No, I'm not!
{78032}{78086}And he gave them|Wait, were there three?
{78088}{78144}Oh, he's terrible.
{78146}{78229}There were two or three.|Oh, get off!
{78369}{78435}Now hear this!|Blessed are they...
{78437}{78492}Three.|who convert their neighbor's asses.
{78493}{78584}For they shall inhibit their girth.|Rubbish!
{78585}{78663}And to them only shall be given
{78665}{78742}to them only...
{78744}{78835}shall be given
{78879}{78926}What?|Hmm?
{78927}{78990}Shall be given what?|Oh, nothing.
{78992}{79050}What were you going to say?|Nothing.
{79052}{79107}Yes, you were going to say something.|No, I finished.
{79109}{79183}Tell us before you go.|I'm finished.
{79185}{79240}No, you don't.|Why won't he tell?
{79242}{79306}Won't say!|It ain't a secret, is it?
{79307}{79375}Must be, otherwise he'd tell us.|Tell us.
{79376}{79425}Leave me alone.|What is the secret?
{79427}{79484}ls it the secret of eternal life?|He won't say.
{79486}{79551}If I knew the secret|of eternal life, I wouldn't say.
{79553}{79614}Leave me alone!|Just tell me, please.
{79616}{79685}We were here first.
{79687}{79748}Go away!|Tell us, master.
{79750}{79821}ls that his gourd?|Yeah, but it's under offer.
{79822}{79873}This is his gourd.
{79875}{79952}Ten!|It is his gourd!
{79954}{80025}We will carry it|for you, master.
{80026}{80110}Master?|He's gone!
{80112}{80170}He's been taken up.
{80171}{80221}He's been taken up!
{80223}{80291}Nineteen!|No, there he is. Over there.
{80920}{80975}Look! Oh! Oh!
{80977}{81023}He has given us a sign.
{81025}{81082}He has given us his shoe!
{81084}{81151}The shoe is the sign.|Let us follow his example.
{81153}{81253}What?|Let us, like him, hold up one shoe!
{81255}{81356}For this is his sign that all|who follow him shall do likewise!
{81358}{81418}Yes!|No, no. The shoe is a sign...
{81420}{81496}that we must gather shoes|together in abundance.
{81498}{81558}Cast off the shoes.|Follow the gourd!
{81560}{81633}No, let us gather shoes|together! Let me!
{81634}{81738}No, it is a sign that, like him, we must|think not of the things of the body...
{81740}{81786}but of the face and head.
{81788}{81850}Give me your shoe!|Get off!
{81852}{81934}Follow the gourd,|the Holy Gourd of Jerusalem!
{81936}{82024}The gourd!|Hold up the sandal,|as he has commanded us.
{82025}{82088}It is a shoe!|It's a sandal!
{82090}{82149}No, it isn't!|Cast it away!
{82151}{82197}Put it on!|Clear off!
{82199}{82261}Take the shoes|and follow him!
{82403}{82468}Come back! Stop!
{82470}{82553}Let us Let us pray.
{82581}{82650}Yea, he cometh to us...
{82652}{82706}Iike the seeds of the grain.
{83242}{83331}Master! Master!
{83855}{83928}Hey! ls there|another way down?
{83957}{84017}Is there another path|down to the river?
{84019}{84098}Please, please help me.|I've got to get
{84184}{84258}Oh, my foot! Oh
{84260}{84339}Shhh.|Oh, damn, damn, damn!
{84341}{84426}I'm sorry.|Oh, damn, damn it! Blast it!
{84428}{84482}I'm sorry. Shhh.|Don't you "shhh" me.
{84484}{84557}Eighteen years of total silence,|and you "shhh" me!
{84558}{84634}What?|I've kept my vow for 18 years...
{84636}{84732}Not a single, recognizable,|articulate sound has passed my lips.
{84733}{84795}Could you be quiet|for another five minutes?
{84797}{84860}It doesn't matter now.|I might as well enjoy myself.
{84861}{84928}For the last 18 years,|I've wanted to shout...
{84930}{84995}and sing and scream|my name out!
{84997}{85047}Shhh. Shhh.|Oh, I'm alive!
{85049}{85123}" Hava nagila, hava nagila "
{85125}{85193}" Hava nagila "
{85194}{85282}Oh, I'm alive! I'm alive!|Hello, birds. Hello, trees.
{85284}{85350}I'm alive! I'm alive!
{85352}{85469}" Hava nagila|Hava n'ra, n'ra "
{85471}{85555}Master! Master! Master!
{85557}{85640}Master!|The master! He is here!
{85642}{85746}His shoe led us to him!
{85748}{85836}Speak! Speak to us, master.|Speak to us!
{85838}{85879}Go away!
{85880}{85943}A blessing! A blessing!
{85945}{86004}How shall we go away, master?
{86005}{86064}Oh, just go away|and leave me alone!
{86065}{86117}Give us a sign!
{86119}{86198}He has given us a sign!|He has brought us to this place!
{86200}{86268}I didn't bring you here.|You just followed me.
{86269}{86343}Oh, it's still a good sign|by any standard.
{86345}{86415}Master, your people|have walked many miles to be with you!
{86416}{86464}They are weary|and have not eaten.
{86466}{86517}It's not my fault|they haven't eaten.
{86519}{86578}There is no food|in this high mountain!
{86580}{86657}What about the juniper|bushes over there?
{86660}{86747}A miracle! A miracle!
{86749}{86853}He has made the bush|fruitful by his words!
{86854}{86912}They've brought forth|juniper berries.
{86914}{87002}Of course! They're juniper bushes!|What do you expect!
{87004}{87054}Show us another miracle.
{87056}{87106}Do not tempt him, shallow ones!
{87108}{87197}Is not the miracle of|the juniper bushes enough?
{87199}{87249}I say, those|are my juniper bushes!
{87251}{87339}They are a gift from God.|They're all I've got to eat.
{87341}{87465}I say, get off those bushes.|Go on. Clear off.
{87466}{87569}Lord, I am affected|by a bald patch.
{87570}{87651}I'm healed!|The master has healed me!
{87653}{87699}I didn't touch him!
{87701}{87767}I was blind,|and now I can see!
{87769}{87844}A miracle! A miracle!
{87846}{87919}Tell them to stop it.
{87921}{88005}I hadn't said a word|for 18 years till he came along.
{88007}{88097}A miracle!|He is the Messiah!
{88099}{88141}He hurt my foot!
{88142}{88221}Hurt my foot!|Hurt mine!
{88223}{88313}Hail Messiah!|I'm not the Messiah.
{88315}{88400}I say you are, Lord, and I should know.|I've followed a few.
{88401}{88457}Hail Messiah!
{88458}{88527}I'm not the Messiah!|Will you please listen?
{88529}{88608}I'm not the Messiah!|Do you understand? Honestly!
{88610}{88714}Only the true Messiah|denies his divinity.
{88716}{88796}What? Well, what sort of chance|does that give me?
{88798}{88851}All right,|I am the Messiah!
{88853}{88942}He is!|He is the Messiah!
{88944}{89000}Now, fuck off!
{89187}{89234}How shall we|fuck off, O Lord?
{89236}{89280}Just leave me alone!
{89282}{89357}You told these people|to eat my juniper berries!
{89359}{89431}You break my bloody foot,|you break my vow of silence...
{89433}{89506}and then you try to clean up|on my juniper bushes!
{89508}{89588}Lay off!|This is the Messiah, the Chosen One!
{89589}{89664}No, he's not.|An unbeliever!
{89666}{89765}An unbeliever!|Persecute. Kill the heretic!
{89827}{89909}Seize him!|Leave him alone!
{89911}{89966}Leave him alone!
{89967}{90022}Leave him alone.
{90024}{90095}Let him go! Please!
{90190}{90260}Brian?|Judith?
{90374}{90444}Cockadoodledoo!
{91380}{91493}Look! There he is!|The Chosen One has woken!
{91554}{91612}Brian!
{91671}{91720}Brian!|Hang on, Mother!
{91721}{91771}Shhh.
{91819}{91893}Hello, Mother.|Don't you "Hello, Mother" me!
{91895}{91947}What are all those people|doing out there?
{91949}{92020}Well, I|Come on. What have you been up to?
{92021}{92081}I think they must have|popped by for something.
{92082}{92149}Popped by?|Swarmed by, more like.
{92151}{92201}There's a multitude out there!
{92203}{92254}They started following me yesterday.
{92256}{92331}Well, they can stop|following you right now.
{92333}{92401}Now, stop following my son!
{92403}{92473}You ought to be|ashamed of yourselves.
{92475}{92578}The Messiah! The Messiah!|Show us the Messiah!
{92580}{92649}The who?|The Messiah!
{92650}{92713}There's no messiah in here.
{92715}{92792}There's a mess, all right,|but no messiah. Now, go away.
{92794}{92855}Brian! Brian!
{92857}{92907}Right, my lad.|What have you been up to?
{92909}{92956}Nothing, Mum.|Come on, out with it.
{92958}{93004}Well, they think|I'm the Messiah, Mum.
{93006}{93063}What have you|been telling them?
{93065}{93120}Nothing. I only|You're only making it|worse for yourself.
{93121}{93206}I can explain.|Let me explain, Mrs. Cohen!
{93208}{93271}Your son is a born leader.
{93273}{93361}Those people out there are following him|because they believe in him.
{93363}{93433}They believe he can give them hope|hope of a new life,
{93435}{93494}a new world,|a better future!
{93547}{93601}Who's that?
{93603}{93676}That's Judith, Mum.|Judith, Mother.
{93678}{93723}Hmm. Aaah!
{93765}{93863}Ohhh!|Messiah! Messiah! Messiah!
{93865}{93936}Messiah!|Show us the Messiah!
{93938}{94015}Now, you listen here.|He's not the Messiah!
{94017}{94095}He's a very naughty boy.|Now, go away!
{94097}{94194}Who are you?|I'm his mother, that's who.
{94196}{94303}Behold his mother!|Behold his mother!
{94305}{94387}Hail to thee,|mother of Brian!
{94388}{94497}Blessed art thou!|Hosanna!
{94499}{94586}All praise to thee,|now and always!
{94587}{94665}Well, now don't think|you can get around me like that.
{94667}{94749}He's not coming out,|and that's my final word.
{94780}{94849}Now, shove off!|No!
{94850}{94957}Did you hear what I said?|Yes!
{94959}{95029}Oh, I see.|It's like that, is it?
{95030}{95112}Yes!|Oh, all right, then.
{95114}{95203}You can see him for one minute,|but not one second more!
{95205}{95264}Do you understand?|Yes.
{95266}{95366}Promise?|Well... all right.
{95368}{95456}All right, here he is, then.|Come on, Brian. Come and talk.
{95458}{95539}But, Mum, Judith.|Oh, leave that Welsh tart alone.
{95541}{95588}I don't really want to.
{95590}{95663}Brian! Brian!|Brian! Brian!
{95745}{95837}Good morning.|A blessing! A blessing!
{95839}{95948}No, no. Please.|Please, please listen.
{95950}{96029}I've got one or two|things to say.
{96031}{96092}Tell us!|Tell us both of them!
{96094}{96160}Look, you've|got it all wrong.
{96162}{96224}You don't need to follow me.
{96226}{96305}You don't need|to follow anybody.
{96306}{96362}You've got to think|for yourselves.
{96364}{96430}You're all individuals.
{96432}{96510}Yes, we're all individuals!
{96512}{96560}You're all different.
{96562}{96638}Yes, we're all different!
{96640}{96703}I'm not.|Shhh.
{96705}{96793}You've all got to work it|out for yourselves.
{96795}{96894}Yes, we've got to work it|out for ourselves!
{96896}{96943}Exactly.
{96945}{96999}Tell us more!
{97000}{97109}No! That's the point!|Don't let anyone tell you what to do!
{97111}{97159}Otherwise Ow!
{97161}{97210}That's enough.|That's enough.
{97212}{97296}Ooh, that wasn't a minute!
{97328}{97436}Oh, yes it was!|Oh, no it wasn't!
{97438}{97508}Now, stop that!|And go away!
{97510}{97563}Excuse me?|Yes?
{97564}{97668}Are you a virgin?|I beg your pardon!
{97670}{97775}Well, if it's not a personal|question, are you a virgin?
{97777}{97842}If it's not|a personal question?
{97844}{97903}How much more personal|can you get?
{97904}{97959}Now, piss off!
{97989}{98042}She is.|Yeah, definitely.
{98159}{98217}Morning, Savior.
{98454}{98504}Lay your hands|on me, quick!
{98506}{98584}Now, don't jostle|the Chosen One, please.
{98586}{98682}Don't push that baby|in the Savior's face.
{98684}{98770}I say, could you just|see my wife?
{98772}{98821}You'll have to wait,|I'm afraid.
{98823}{98882}We've got|a luncheon appointment.
{98883}{98931}The lepers are queuing.
{98933}{99002}My brotheronlaw|is the exmayor of Gath!
{99003}{99103}Brian, can I introduce|the gentleman who's letting us|have the Mounts on Sunday?
{99105}{99228}Don't push!|And keep the noise down!
{99230}{99353}Those possessed by devils,|try and keep them under control.
{99354}{99422}Incurables, you'll just|have to wait for a few minutes.
{99424}{99534}Um, women taken in sin, line up|against that wall, will you?
{99536}{99651}Brian? Brian,|you were fantastic.
{99653}{99703}You weren't so bad yourself.
{99705}{99776}No. What you said just now.|It was quite extraordinary.
{99778}{99825}What?|All that, was it?
{99826}{99877}We don't any leaders.|You're so right.
{99879}{99945}Reg has been dominating us|for too long.|Well, yes.
{99947}{100038}It needed saying,|and you said it, Brian.|You're very attractive.
{100040}{100118}It's our revolution.|We can all do it together.
{100120}{100188}I think. I think|We're all behind you, Brian.
{100189}{100264}The revolution is in your hands!|What?
{100265}{100320}No, that's not|what I meant at all!
{100322}{100401}You're fuckin' nicked,|me old beauty.
{100403}{100449}Right.
{100587}{100643}Stop it.
{100695}{100776}Well, "Bwian", you've given us|a good "wun" for our money, what?
{100832}{100917}But this time, I "guawantee"|you will not escape.
{100919}{101038}Guard, do we have any|"cwucifixions" today?
{101040}{101126}139, sir. Special celebration.|Passover, sir.
{101128}{101231}Right. Now we have 140.|Nice, round number, eh, Biggus?
{101232}{101323}Hail Caesar!
{101324}{101396}Hail.|The crowd outside getting restless.
{101398}{101447}Permission|to disperse them, please.
{101448}{101532}Disperse them?|I haven't addressed them yet.
{101534}{101572}I know, sir, but
{101574}{101632}My "addwess" is one of|the high points of the Passover.
{101634}{101687}My "fwiend" Biggus Dickus has|come all the way from "Wome".
{101688}{101771}Hail Caesar.|Hail "Thaesar",
{101772}{101840}You're not
{101842}{101930}Are you not thinking of giving it|a miss this year, then, sir?
{101932}{101982}Give it a miss?
{101983}{102065}Well, it's just that they're in|a rather funny mood today, sir.
{102067}{102139}"Weally", "centuwion", I'm "surpwised"|to hear a man like you...
{102141}{102199}"wattled" by|a "wabble" of "wowdy" "webels".
{102200}{102275}Uh, a bit thundery, sir.|Take him away.
{102276}{102344}I'm a Roman!|Il can prove it! Honestly!
{102346}{102426}And "cwucify" him well.|Yes.
{102427}{102489}Biggus.
{102491}{102556}Il really wouldn't, sir.|Out of the way, "centuwion".
{102558}{102612}Let me come with you,|Pontius.
{102614}{102713}I may be of "thome" "athistance"|if there is a "thudden" "crithis".
{102714}{102819}Right. Now item four:|Attainment of world supremacy|within the next five years.
{102821}{102897}Uh, Francis, you've been|doing some work on this?|Yeah. Thank you, Reg.
{102899}{102982}Well, quite frankly, siblings,|I think five years is optimistic...
{102983}{103054}unless we can smash the Roman Empire|within the next 12 months.
{103056}{103102}Twelve months, yeah?|Twelve months.
{103104}{103187}And let's face it, as empires|go, this is the big one,
{103189}{103291}so we gotta get up off our asses|and stop just talkin' about it.
{103293}{103362}Hear! Hear!|It's action that counts, not words.
{103364}{103421}And we need action now!|Hear! Hear!
{103422}{103471}You're right. We could|sit around here all day,
{103473}{103555}talkin', passin' resolutions,|makin' clever speeches.
{103557}{103613}It's not gonna shift|one Roman soldier!
{103615}{103696}So let's just stop gabbin' on about it.|It's completely pointless.
{103697}{103745}And it's gettin' us nowhere.|Right!
{103746}{103805}I agree. This is a complete|waste of time.
{103840}{103898}They've arrested Brian!|What? What?
{103900}{103964}They dragged him off!|They want to crucify him!
{103965}{104050}Right! This calls|for immediate discussion!
{104052}{104089}What?|lmmediate!
{104091}{104125}Right.|New motion?
{104127}{104183}Completely new motion.|Uh, that, uh,
{104185}{104249}that there be|immediate action
{104251}{104314}Once the vote has been taken.|Obviously once the vote's been taken.
{104316}{104415}You can't act on a resolution|till you've voted on it.|Reg, let's go now, please!
{104417}{104537}Right! ln the light of fresh|information from Sibling Judith.|Not so fast, Reg.
{104539}{104632}Reg, for God's sake!|It's perfectly simple.
{104633}{104706}All you've got to do|is to go out of that door now...
{104708}{104769}and try to stop the Romans|nailing him up!
{104771}{104864}It's happening, Reg!|Something's actually happening, Reg!
{104866}{104927}Can't you understand?
{104929}{104976}Oh!
{105016}{105089}Ooh. Ooh. Yup.
{105091}{105147}A little ego trip|from the feminists?
{105149}{105209}What?|Oh, sorry, Loretta?
{105211}{105259}Uh, read that back,|would you?
{105573}{105636}Next? Crucifixion?
{105638}{105684}Yes.|Good.
{105685}{105771}Out of the door,|line on the left, one cross each.
{105773}{105823}Next? Crucifixion?
{105825}{105871}Yes.|Good.
{105873}{105933}Out of the door,|line on the left, one cross each.
{105935}{105994}Next? Crucifixion?
{105996}{106058}Uh, no, freedom.|Mmm? What?
{106060}{106118}Uh, freedom for me.|They said I hadn't done anything,
{106119}{106188}so I could go free|and live on an island somewhere.
{106190}{106267}Oh. Well, that's jolly good.|Well, off you go then.
{106269}{106332}No, I'm only pulling your leg.|It's crucifixion, really.
{106334}{106393}Oh, I see.|Very good, very good.
{106395}{106449}Well, out of the door|Yeah, I know the way. Out the door,
{106451}{106497}one cross each,|line on the left.
{106499}{106545}Line on the left. Yes, thank you.
{106547}{106595}Crucifixion? Good.|Yes.
{106922}{107041}People of "Jewusalem",
{107043}{107117}"Wome" is your "fwiend".
{107240}{107334}To "pwove" our "fwiendship",|it is "customawy" at this time...
{107336}{107413}to "welease" a "wandewer"|"fwom" our "pwisons".
{107519}{107633}Whom would you|have me "welease"?
{107635}{107708}"Welease" "Woger"!
{107710}{107773}"Welease" "Woger"!|"Welease" "Woger"!
{107861}{107984}"Vewy" well,|I shall "welease" "Woger"!
{108054}{108114}Sir, uh, we don't|have a Roger, sir.
{108116}{108174}What?|Uh, we don't have anyone|of that name, sir.
{108176}{108279}Ah. We have no "Woger".
{108347}{108393}Well, what about|"Wodewick", then?
{108395}{108501}Yeah! Release "Wodewick"!|Release "Wodewick"!
{108502}{108619}"Centuwion",|why do they titter so?
{108649}{108712}Just some,|uh, Jewish joke, sir.
{108751}{108820}Are they... "wagging" me?
{108860}{108942}Oh, no, sir.
{108944}{109050}"Vewy" well.|I shall "welease" "Wodewick"!
{109052}{109099}Sir, we don't have a Roderick, either.
{109101}{109179}No "Woger", no "Wodewick".|Sorry, sir.
{109181}{109298}Who is this "Wog" Who is|this "Wodewick" to whom you "wefer"?
{109300}{109368}He's a "wobber"!
{109370}{109439}And a "wapist"!
{109440}{109491}And a pickpocket!
{109493}{109540}Yeah Shh! Shh!|Shut up!
{109578}{109662}He sounds a "notowious" "cwiminal".|We haven't got him, sir.
{109664}{109729}Do we have anyone|in our "pwisons" at all?
{109731}{109801}Oh, yes, sir. We got a Samson, sir.|Samson?
{109803}{109905}Samson the Sadducee Strangler, sir.|Uh, Silus the Assyrian Assassin.
{109907}{109980}Uh, several seditious scribes|from Caesarea.
{109982}{110070}Uh, 67|Let me "thpeak" to them.
{110071}{110127}Oh, no|Yes, good idea, Biggus.
{110129}{110240}Citizens, we have|Samson the Sadducee Strangler,
{110242}{110306}Silus the Assyrian Assassin
{110308}{110393}Several seditious scribes|from Caesarea.
{110395}{110443}Next.
{110445}{110502}Crucifixion?|Yes.
{110503}{110594}Good. Out of the door,|line on the left, one cross each.
{110596}{110653}Jailer|Excuse me. There's been|some sort of mistake.
{110655}{110742}Just a moment, would you?|Jailer, how many have come through?
{110744}{110794}What?
{110796}{110869}Uh, how many|have come through?
{110871}{110929}What?|YYYYou'll have to...
{110931}{111061}spespspespspspspeak up|a bit, sir.
{111062}{111133}He'sHe'sHe's He's de|Ah.
{111134}{111191}He's deaf He's deaf|He's deaf as a pppost, sir.
{111193}{111239}Oh, yes.
{111241}{111334}Uh, how many|have come through?
{111406}{111473}Oh, dear.|I make it ninetyf
{111474}{111579}ninetyf ninetyf
{111581}{111634}ninetysix, sir.
{111636}{111692}It's such a senseless waste|of human life, isn't it?
{111693}{111741}NNNNo, sir.
{111742}{111853}NNot with these bbastards, sir.
{111854}{111904}CC N
{111906}{111967}CCCru
{111969}{112049}CCrucifixion's|too good 'em, sir.
{112051}{112113}I don't think you can say it's|too good for them. It's very nasty.
{112115}{112224}Oh, it's not as nnnana
{112225}{112304}not as nasty as something|I just thought up, sir.
{112305}{112400}Yeah. Now, crucifixion?|ls there someone I can speak to?
{112401}{112486}Well|I know where to get it, if you want it.
{112488}{112548}What?|DDon't worry about hihim, sir.
{112550}{112637}HHe's de He's de|He's dedede
{112638}{112752}He's deaf and mad, sir.|Well, how did he get the job?
{112754}{112830}BBloody Pilate's pet, sir.
{112832}{112912}Get a move on, Big Nose. There's people|waitin' to be crucified out here.
{112914}{112966}Could I see a lawyer or someone?
{112968}{113036}Um, do, do you have a lawyer?|No, but I'm a Roman.
{113038}{113107}How about a retrial?|We got plenty of time.
{113108}{113182}Shut up, you!|Miserable Romans. No sense of humor.
{113184}{113240}I'm sorry. Bit of a hurry.
{113241}{113346}Can you go straight out?|Line on the left, one cross each. Now
{113564}{113614}Was it something I said?
{113616}{113690}Silence!
{113760}{113839}This man commands|a "cwack" legion!
{113970}{114034}He "wanks" as high|as any in "Wome".
{114109}{114191}Crucifixion party.
{114228}{114328}Morning. Now, we will be on|a show as we go through the town,
{114330}{114377}so let's not|let the side down.
{114379}{114452}Keep in a straight line, three lengths|between you and the man in front...
{114454}{114508}and a good, steady pace.
{114510}{114563}Crosses over|your left shoulders,
{114565}{114627}and if you keep your backs|hard up against the cross beam,
{114629}{114674}you'll be there in no time.
{114676}{114723}All right, centurion.
{114725}{114826}Crucifixion party|Wait for it!
{114828}{114970}Crucifixion party,|by the left, forward!
{115076}{115129}You lucky bastards!
{115164}{115253}You lucky, jammy bastards!
{115453}{115515}Let me shoulder|your burden, brother.
{115517}{115563}Oh, thank you.
{115611}{115677}HHey! Hey!|Hey, what do you think you're doing?
{115678}{115749}Uh, it's not my cross.|Shut up and get on with it!
{115822}{115928}He had you there, mate, didn't he?|That'll teach you a lesson.
{115929}{115997}All right.
{115999}{116053}I'm gonna give you|one more chance.
{116055}{116128}This time I want to hear|no "Weubens",
{116130}{116207}no "Weginalds",
{116209}{116290}no "Wudolph|the Wednosed Weindeers".
{116292}{116387}No Spencer Tracys!|Or we shall release no one!
{116389}{116468}Release Brian!|Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
{116470}{116585}"Welease" "Bwian"!|"Welease" "Bwian"!
{116587}{116653}"Vewy" well. That's it.
{116655}{116719}Sir, we, uh, we have got a Brian, sir.|What?
{116720}{116770}Uh, you just sent him|for crucifixion, sir.
{116772}{116844}Wait, wait.|We do have a "Bwian".
{116846}{116924}Well, go and "wepwieve" him,|"stwaight" away.|Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
{116986}{117034}"Vewy" well.
{117036}{117123}I shall... "welease" "Bwian"!
{117208}{117275}Get a move on, there!|Or what?
{117277}{117340}Or you'll be in trouble.|Oh, dear.
{117342}{117417}You mean I might have to give up|being crucified in the afternoons?
{117419}{117479}Shut up!|That would be a blow, wouldn't it?
{117480}{117563}I wouldn't have nothing to do.|Oh, thank you.
{117644}{117711}Are they gone?
{117712}{117814}WWe've got lumps of it|round the back.
{117816}{117886}What?|Oh, don't worry about him, sir.
{117888}{117954}He's ma|He's m He's ma
{117956}{118026}He's mm|He's mm
{118028}{118099}He's mad, sir.|Are they gone?
{118125}{118178}Oh, ye N
{118179}{118294}I n Uh, I n NNNN
{118295}{118367}NNNN|Oh, come on!
{118369}{118427}Yes, sir.
{118428}{118519}Anyway, get on with the story.|Well, I knew she never|really liked him, so I just
{118521}{118558}Right.
{118559}{118614}That's the motion to get on with it,|passed with one abstention.
{118616}{118678}I propose we go without further ado.|May I have a seconder for
{118680}{118730}Let's just go.|Yeah.
{119007}{119054}Oh, no!
{119104}{119167}Bloody Romans!|Watch it!
{119169}{119216}There's still|a few crosses left.
{119255}{119316}Up you go, Big Nose.
{119318}{119389}I'll get you for this, you bastard.|Oh, yeah?
{119391}{119469}Oh, yeah. Don't worry.|I never forget a face.|No?
{119471}{119574}I warn you, I'm gonna punch you|so hard, you Roman git!
{119576}{119630}Shut up, you Jewish turd!
{119632}{119706}Who are you calling Jewish?|I'm not Jewish!
{119708}{119760}I'm a Samaritan!|A Samaritan?
{119762}{119805}This is supposed|to be a Jewish section.
{119807}{119900}It doesn't matter.|You're all gonna die in a day or two!
{119901}{119985}It may not matter to you, Roman,|but it certainly matters to us,|doesn't it, darling?
{119987}{120074}Oh, rather!|Under the terms|of the Roman occupancy,
{120076}{120147}we're entitled to be crucified|in a purely Jewish area.
{120149}{120210}Pharisees separate|from Sadducees.
{120212}{120287}And Swedish separate from Welsh!
{120289}{120383}All right, all right, all right.|We'll soon settle this.
{120385}{120492}Hands up all those who don't|want to be crucified here.
{120494}{120567}Right. Next!
{120569}{120640}Uh, look. It's not my cross.|What?
{120641}{120707}Um, it's not my cross.|I was, um, holding it for someone.
{120709}{120756}Just lie down.|I haven't got all day.
{120757}{120814}No, of course. Look.|I hate to make a fuss
{120816}{120895}Look. We've had a busy day.|There's 140 of you lot to get up.
{120897}{120958}ls he Jewish?|Will you be quiet?
{120960}{121014}We don't want any more|Samaritans around here.
{121016}{121094}Belt up!|Will you let me down if he comes back?
{121096}{121158}Yeah, yeah,|we'll let you down. Next!
{121160}{121227}You don't have to do this.|You don't have to take orders.
{121229}{121284}I like orders.
{121820}{121867}See? Not so bad,|once you're up.
{121893}{121939}You being rescued, then,|are you?
{121941}{121987}It's a bit late for that now,|isn't it?
{121989}{122046}Oh, now, now. We've got|a couple of days up here.
{122047}{122095}Plenty of time.|Lots of people get rescued.
{122096}{122180}Oh?|Yeah. My brother usually rescues me,
{122182}{122243}if he can keep off the tail|for more than 20 minutes.
{122245}{122292}Oh?|Randy little bugger.
{122293}{122349}Up and down like the Assyrian Empire.
{122451}{122507}Hello.|Your family arrived, then?
{122509}{122550}Reg!
{122552}{122634}Hello, Sibling Brian.|Thank God you've come, Reg.
{122635}{122745}Well, I think I should point out|first, Brian, in all fairness,|we are not the rescue committee.
{122747}{122815}However, I have been asked to read|the following prepared statement...
{122817}{122864}on behalf of the movement.
{122866}{122953}"We the People's Front of Judea|brackets, officials, end brackets
{122954}{123041}"do hereby convey our sincere|fraternal and sisterly greetings...
{123042}{123124}to you, Brian, on this,|the occasion of your martyrdom".
{123126}{123194}What?|"Your death will stand as a landmark...
{123196}{123266}"in the continuing struggle|to liberate the parent land...
{123267}{123329}"from the hands of the Roman|imperialist aggressors,
{123331}{123402}"excluding those concerned with|drainage, medicine, roads, housing,
{123403}{123478}"education, viniculture and any|other Romans contributing...
{123480}{123581}"to the welfare of Jews of|both sexes and hermaphrodites.
{123583}{123650}Signed, on behalf|of the P.F.J., etc".
{123652}{123735}And I'd just like to add,|on a personal note, my own admiration...
{123737}{123783}for what you're doing|for us, Brian,
{123785}{123861}and what must be, after all,|for you a very difficult time.
{123863}{123961}Reg, wwhat are you going to|Goodbye, Brian, and thanks.
{124015}{124063}Well done, Brian.|Keep it up, lad.
{124065}{124127}Terrific work, Brian.
{124256}{124308}Right. And
{124309}{124360}" For he's a jolly good fellow "
{124362}{124409}" For he's a jolly good fellow "
{124410}{124486}" For he's a jolly good fellow "
{124488}{124541}" And so say all of us "
{124543}{124594}" And so say all of "
{124661}{124706}You bastards!
{124708}{124839}You bastards!|You sanctimonious bastards!|Where is Brian of Nazareth?
{124841}{124922}I have an order for his release.|You stupid bastards!
{124924}{124979}Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.|What?
{124981}{125028}Yeah, Ill'm Brian of Nazareth.|Take him down.
{125030}{125110}I'm Brian of Nazareth!|I'm Brian!
{125112}{125195}I'm Brian!|I'm Brian!
{125197}{125274}I'm Brian!|I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
{125276}{125344}I'm Brian!|I'm Brian!
{125345}{125383}Take him away|and release him.
{125385}{125503}No, I'm only joking. I'm not|really Brian. No, I'm not Brian.
{125504}{125582}I was only It was a joke.|I'm only pulling your leg.
{125584}{125697}It's a joke! I'm not him!|I'm just having you on! Put me back!
{125699}{125758}Bloody Romans.|Can't take a joke.
{125978}{126039}The Judean People's Front!
{126041}{126124}The Judean People's Front!
{126126}{126192}Forward all!
{126287}{126346}Come on!|The Judean People's Front!
{126348}{126414}The Judean People's Front!
{126573}{126705}We are the Judean People's Front|Crack Suicide Squad.
{126706}{126793}Suicide Squad, attack!
{127006}{127058}That showed them.
{127106}{127213}You silly sods.
{127215}{127305}Brian! Brian! Brian!
{127307}{127409}Judith!|Terrific! Great!
{127410}{127497}Reg has explained it all to me.|I think it's great, what you're doing.
{127499}{127546}Thank you, Brian.
{127548}{127612}I'll, I'll never forget you.
{127814}{127875}So there you are!
{127877}{127935}I might have known|it would end up like this.
{127937}{128032}To think of all the love and|affection I've wasted on you.
{128034}{128108}Well, if that's how you treat|your poor old mother...
{128110}{128160}in the autumn years|of her life,
{128161}{128245}all I can say is,|go ahead, be crucified!
{128247}{128307}See if I care.|I might have known
{128309}{128363}Mum!
{128365}{128468}Mum!|I don't know|what the world's coming to.
{128597}{128688}Cheer up, Brian.|You know what they say.
{128690}{128763}Some things in life are bad.
{128765}{128823}They can really make you mad.
{128825}{128921}Other things just|make you swear and curse.
{128923}{128989}" When you're chewing|on life's gristle "
{128991}{129075}" Don't grumble|Give a whistle "
{129077}{129174}" And this'll help things|turn out for the best "
{129176}{129223}" And "
{129224}{129336}" Always look|on the bright side of life "
{129425}{129539}" Always look|on the light side of life "
{129600}{129705}" lf life seems jolly rotten|there's something you've forgotten "
{129707}{129790}" And that's to laugh and smile|and dance and sing "
{129792}{129847}" When you're feeling in the dumps "
{129848}{129895}" Don't be silly chumps "
{129897}{130001}" Just purse your lips and|whistle, that's the thing "
{130003}{130112}" And always look|on the bright side of life "
{130187}{130304}" Always look|on the bright side of life "
{130375}{130429}" For life is quite absurd "
{130431}{130477}" And death's the final word "
{130479}{130559}" You must always face|the curtain with a bow "
{130561}{130614}" Forget about your sin "
{130616}{130662}" Give the audience a grin "
{130663}{130745}" Enjoy it, it's|your last chance anyhow "
{130747}{130881}" So always look|on the bright side of death "
{130956}{131072}" Just before you draw|your terminal breath "
{131146}{131238}" Life's a piece of shit|when you look at it "
{131240}{131333}" Life's a laugh and|death's a joke, it's true "
{131334}{131436}" You'll see it's all a show|People laughing as you go "
{131438}{131514}" Just remember that|the last laugh is on you "
{131515}{131642}" And always look|on the bright side of life "
{131729}{131847}" Always look|on the right side of life "
{131849}{131917}Come on, Brian. Cheer up.
{131918}{132034}" Always look|on the bright side of life "
{132115}{132227}" Always look|on the right side of life "
{132229}{132299}Worse things happen|at sea, you know?
{132301}{132391}" Always look|on the bright side of life "
{132393}{132449}What have you got to lose?|You come from nothing.
{132450}{132510}You go back to nothing.|What have you lost?
{132512}{132608}Nothing!|" Always look|on the right side of life "
{132610}{132682}Nothing will come from nothing.|You know what they say?
{132684}{132730}" Always look on "|Cheer up, you old bugger.
{132732}{132798}" The bright side of life "|Give us a grin. There you are.
{132800}{132894}See? It's the end of the film.|Incidentally, this record's|available in the foyer.
{132896}{132990}" Always look|on the right side of life "
{132992}{133064}Who do you think pays for all|this rubbish?
{133066}{133168}" Always look|on the bright side of life "
{133170}{133263}I told him. I said to him, "Bernie,|there'll never make their money back".
{133264}{133367}" Always look|on the right side of life "