Two million dollars. Two million dollars. Two million dollars.
The Donald Sinclair, the billionaire?
It sounds crazy, I know, but I think it's on the level.
Here's the thing. We have to decide yes or no right now.
If everybody else had to drive, we have a three-hour head start.
- So you're proposing? - A corporation-- Faucet and Schaffer.
If we win, we split everything 50-50. You can even hold the key.
What do ya think?
I don't know what to think. I'm in shock.
Three hours ago I was in the airport. I had a job. I was reading a book.
My grandfather used to say, "Good things take time.
Great things happen all at once."
- Jason, where'd you get that? - I found it under the seat.
- Give it to me. You can't play that. - Why not?
Because it's Hitler's harmonica. You can't play Hitler's harmonica.
- You're driving his car. - I'm not touching it with my mouth.
I'm not sucking on the dashboard. I'm not gettin' his germs.
Dad, look what I found.
- Where'd you get those? - The floor. Look, I'm Mrs. Hitler.
All right, take those off right now.
Hey, look at this. A lipstick. It's dark.
That Eva Braun had style, didn't she?
- She was Hitler's girlfriend. - Give us a kiss.
Bev, it's not funny. Give me that.
- Honey! - I got it all over my hand.
Oh...
Randy.
- Chain, chain, chain - R-E-S-P-E-C- T
- Chain, chain, chain - find out what it means to me
Respect Just a little bit
- Just a little bit - Chain, chain, chain--
Just--
Look at us go. We are zooming.
I told you. We're haulin' ass.
All righty.
- Guess what I got back there. - You just told me.
Ass. We're haulin' ass.
No, no, no. That's just an expression.
It's a heart.
- A heart? - A human heart.
Some lucky bastard in El Paso's waiting for it.
Normally, they put it on a plane, but the airport's all closed down.
- You wanna see it? - See what?
Are we allowed?
Just take a peek. One peek. What could happen?
It's a heart. It needs fresh air.
It's been locked up in that cooler for seven hours.
- Oopsy-daisy. I get it. I get it. - Shit! Oh, please!
- Don't step on it! - I think I found it.
No, that's a caramel apple.
This is wrong. This is so wrong.
God is gonna smote us. We're gonna get smote.
Come on. We're siphoning gas. It's not a smoting offense.
What?
Shouldn't be turning me on, should it?
- Hey! - Hi.
- What are you doing? - Seventeen cups of coffee.
I guess--
I guess that's it.
I guess not. How do you turn this thing off?
Son of a bitch!
- Man! Damn it! - Keep going. Go! Go!
He's stopping.
'Cause he knows, don't mess with us.
We gotta wait. There's too much wind.
- Guys, I need this balloon. - Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, man, what--
- Hey, hey! - I know what I'm doing!
I'm coming to get you! Get back here!
I'll get him. I'm gonna get you, stupid hardware guy!
- Go! Go! - Stand up. Grab the rope.
I'm gonna get you! Stand up. Ready? Grab it.
Missed it.
- Duane! Duane, stop the car! - Hang on, buddy.
Duane, please stop.
I got it! I got it! Just hang on.
- Stop it! Blaine! - My God! You're gonna kill me!
The cows!
Move!
Watch out!
Shit.
Oh, God!
Help!
- Give me my key. - What are you talking about?
Give me back my key. The key!
Give me the key.
Blaine! Blaine! It's me.
I got the key.
How's it going, Captain?
So far, so good.
- How about a pit stop? - Sorry. This is a one-way flight.
There's a bathroom in the back.
The latch is broken. Anybody could just come in.
So what? You ain't got nothing the other Lucys haven't seen already.
Not necessarily.
Please, would you stop screaming?
Damn!
Help me!
For God's sake, help me!
Oh, shit.
Owen! Owen, what are you doing?
It's a flat tire. Please, stay on the bus.
- Well, you're turning it the wrong way. - I know what I'm doing.
- Please, get on the bus. Wait! - Maybe we should check the oil.
I think you're supposed to change the air in the tires every 12,000 miles.
- I can fix it. - Give me that!
Wait! That's the spare!
We'll still catch it.
Turn it around. Just turn it around.
Please be careful. Wait, wait, wait. What is that?
- It's a nickel. - Would you please put it in the bag?
Why don't you check over there? Maybe it bounced.
- I'm a dead man. - Don't worry. We will find the heart.
I have lost my heart many times before.
I make a joke...
to help you forget how screwed you are.
I don't think it got this far. Let's check down by the road.
Oh, hello. A doggy.
Hello. Hello. Hello there.
Isn't he a good doggy?
Come on. Come on. Fetch. Fetch it.
Look at him go.
- Here, boy! - Doggy!
Good boy!
- It really is a beautiful car. - Yeah.
- Look at this mahogany. - Gorgeous.
You just don't see that anymore, you know?
- I wonder what this is. - Careful. That's a cigarette lighter.
- No, I don't think they had those then. - Yes, they did.
Oh, honey! Did you burn yourself?
- Yeah. Oh, God! - Oh, I told you.
Sorry.
My husband, he burned his finger, ma'am.
- He was pulling, then he was waving-- - Bev, Bev, not helping.
- Hi. - Hi.
I really like your dike. Bike.
It's nice.
Cut 'em off! Get in front!
- Hey! What are you, nuts? - Get down!
Kids, stay down! This thing won't go any faster!
Stop it! The headlights! The headlight!
- Oh, my God! - Are you insane? This is Hitler's car!
Honey, go ask them for help. Tell them everything that happened.
And ask them to call the police.
And a tow truck.
- Hello. - Hello.
- Are you Harold? - Yes.
I'm Vicky.
Are you gonna invite me in, Harry?
Or would you rather party out here in the hallway?
Please. Come in.
Not too shabby.
- Where are you from, Harry? - From here.
- Las Vegas. - A local boy makes good.
So, Harry, what can I do for you?
Okay. Here's what I want.
First we both get naked.
- So far, so good. - Only we're wearing sailor hats.
And then...
we get into a Jacuzzi...
filled with Pepto-Bismol.
And...
I clip your toenails...
and you shave my buttocks.
Pardon me?
Okay, naked, Jacuzzi, Pepto-Bismol...
toenails, shave my buttocks.
How much would that cost?
Geez, honey, you have quite an imagination.
How much would it cost?
Well, let's see.
A party like that--
three thousand dollars.
Okay, 3,000. Who has 3,000?
Carlton had 2,800. He's the closest.
I think it's okay. What do you think?
What about those little holes?
Are they bite marks?
That's-- That's how it was. I'm-- I'm pretty sure.
What am I doing?
I can't go to El Paso with this.
Look at it. It's gonna leak like a sieve.
The guy's gonna be alive for like two minutes and then--
- A drifter. - A drifter?
We-- We find a drifter...
kill him, cut out his heart.
Nobody's gonna miss him, right? I mean, he's a drifter.
He's an invisible man. It's a perfect plan.
Mr. Zack, now you are giving me the freak-out.
Where-- Where do I find a drifter?
Enrico.
- Where did you say you were from? - Me? I am from Napoli.
And your family, they're back there?
No. No, my papa, he is dead.
And my mama. All gone.
Any family? Kids?
I am completely alone.
Why--
Why do you--
Look, a drifter. Let's kill him.
Son of a-- Come back here!
Whatever. Listen, sugar. You're not going anywhere today.
You got a crack in your radiator.
That's this big tank in front of this big engine.
- I know what a radiator is. - Is there a place we can rent a car?
- Albuquerque. - Okay, look.
We'll just have to patch it. A quick fix.
- Patch it? Patch it with what? - Sand and tire sealant.
You mix the two. It forms an adhesive, lasting a couple of hours.
We only have about 30 miles to go?
Darlin', we don't have any sand.
Hello! We're in the desert!
We should've bought a squirrel.
Mother of mercy! Where'd you come from? Car trouble?
Here. Sit down. You two look exhausted.
How long y'all been out there? Here. Have something to drink.
Ladies and gentlemen, members of the press--
- What's going on? - Some rocket scientists from L.A....
they're trying to break the land speed record.
A unique combination of automotive and aerodynamic innovation.
The vehicle, which we call Lightning ll...
represents three years of R & D...
which was conducted at the California Institute of Technology.
The design team was led by Professor Ken Freedman and Dr. Richard Kramer.
We believe that, aerodynamically...
this is the most perfect vehicle ever designed.
The entire vehicle weighs less than 1,850 pounds.
The body is a one-piece Kevlar composite.
The wheels are solid billet aluminum...
and she's powered by twin JE-79 turbojet engines...
the same engines that are in the F-4 Phantom jet.
Are there any questions?
Mr. Calvert, what is the current land speed record?
That would be 742 miles per hour...
but we hope to have a new record today.
- Anyone else? - How do you start it?
Good question.
A green lever to the left of the steering wheel in the cockpit...
engages the primary thruster, igniting the JE--
740, 745--
- That's a record. - They'll break the sound barrier.
Well, that's it. I still don't think she's gonna hold.
- What do we owe you? - Five hundred bucks.
- What? - For two quarts of sealant?
No way. That's 20 bucks tops.
Okay, here's 40 dollars. That's double what it's worth, okay?
Come on, Nick. Let's go.
Hold it.
Another little tool no mechanic should be without.
Fine. Here's your $500. But you know what, Billy Ray?
What goes around, comes around.
This is so unchristian.
Unchristian?
Well, if the good Lord don't like the way I conduct business...
let him say something.
Let him give me a sign.
Oh, Lord, I'm here and I'm listening!
Hello!
- Mach one! - We did it! We did it!
Hey, everybody okay? You all right? Yeah?
- Randy, you okay? - There's no Ink Inc.
- What? - There's no job.
It's a race. We're racing.
Donald Sinclair put $2 million in a locker.
And I wanna get there first.
I do not want to work at Home Depot!
Okay, people, back on the bus.
George, don't eat that.
Get back on the bus! Come on. Back on the bus.
Simon, put that down.
You too. Back on the bus. Come on, everyone!
We don't wanna miss dinner. It's macaroni night!
We came in the rocket car.
Oh, a rocket car. Let's hear all about that on the bus.
All right, so we can still win...
but we have to leave now, all right?
- So, come on. - Dad.
It's been a living hell.
Bev, it's-- it's $2 million.
That's a lifetime supply of hummus.
Okay. Okay. Yeah.
I've been selfish. I understand.
I'm sorry. Really. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I almost got us killed.
God!
- Hi, everybody. Miss me? - Hey!
To show there's no hard feelings, chocolate shakes all around.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm a little disappointed, but I'm an adult.
So drink these up, and then we'll return the Nazi-mobile.
We'll get that van fixed, go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield!
Yea! Okay, drink up, buddy!
Is it good?
Drink it up, honey.
Oh, don't feel bad.
- It's not your fault. - We'll tell the company.
We won't let them fire you.
- I'm no bus driver. - Don't say that.
No. I'm not. I'm not a bus driver.
Oh, you mustn't be so hard on yourself.
Hey, everybody, who's the world's greatest bus driver?
Listen. Listen. No, no!
No! No! Shut up, you crazy Lucy bitches! Shut up!
I am not a bus driver!
I do not work for the bus company! All right?
I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform!
See this jacket? This is not my jacket!
Remember Marty, the bus driver?
This is his shirt! I stole it!
And these pants, you think I'd wear these pants?
These aren't my pants!
These are Marty's pants. I stole them.
I am not a bus driver.
You're not a real bus driver?
You lied to us!
He ruined our whole vacation!
Here they come. They're all within 50 miles.
It's the final lap. Mr. Grisham.
Now, the airport's back on-line, so I want you to take the Lear jet...
scoot on down to Silver City and report from the finish line.
Yes, sir.
Yes!
Let's go back to Vegas.
Bev, Bev, wake-- Come on. Wake up. Wake up.
Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on.
Get down. You wanna have a nice life.
Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot.
Not good. Not good. Think.
Hi, honey.
- They gonna be all right? - Yeah.
Friend, I don't think there's room.
This one's little.
- There it is. There it is! - Silver City. We're almost there.
Yeah! Go!
Where the fuck are we?
There were two guys in there.
- Where'd they go? - Hey!
Thanks for the truck, buddy!
- Yeah. - Silver City.
Next stop, Silver City.
Silver City? It is the finish line.
I made it. I made it!
The key. Where is the key?
What have we-- Where is the key, my little baby?
- Excuse me. - I think I am touching it.
- Get away from him. - I can feel it. It's very small.
- I'm calling the conductor! - I have it! I got it!
Wait! Wait! Come back! Don't leave me!
Come on! Come on, baby!
Giddyap!
Come on, baby. Just one more mile.
Just one mile. Come on!
Randy?
Hey, honey, how'd you sleep?
- Pass. Pass him. - I can't. We're too big.
There's Silver City. We're here. Move!
They stopped.
They're moving. Look.
Come on, Dad! Let's go!
I can smell it.
Daisy, Daisy
Give meyouranswertrue
Daisy, Daisy
Hey! Hey! Stop the bus! Stop the bus!
- We gotta get off! - Ladies. You know the rules.
We're not crazy, lady.
We should've bought a squirrel. We didn't buy a squirrel.
- That's why we took the rocket car. - We can still win.
Open the door, or I'm gonna crush you like a cockroach in the night.
Open the door! Tell him! Tell him!
- Open the door. - Thank you!
It's Pollini.
Enrico Pollini on a train.
- He just rolled into the station. - Well, what do you know?
Rip Van Winkle pulled it off.
You gotta love a long shot.
It's here. It's here.
- It's here. - Here he comes.
- It's you. - He's holding the key.
And he's going to the locker.
Mr. Pollini, well done, sir. And congratulations.
On behalf of Mr. Donald Sinclair, the Venetian Hotel and Casino--
Mr. Grisham, is it over?
- Get out of the way! - Open it!
He's sleeping.
Did I win?
Vicky. You let go of this bag...
or I swear to God, I'll report you to the escort service.
Mr. Grisham, what's going on?
The hooker-- The hooker-- The hookeris taking the money.
- What hooker? - Vicky. From the hotel.
- Pepto-Bismol? - I told you to wait in the car.
- What the hell is she doing there? - I brought her.
I'm sorry, Mr. Sinclair. She said she liked me.
I'm beginning to think she was only interested in the money!
- Come with me. - I'll drive.
So long, suckers!
- The bus! The bus. - You wanna steal a bus?
- Yes, I do. - My God, what have I done?
Help! Somebody help me!
This thing's got a mind of its own.
- Finders keepers, pal. - That's mine.
I see it! I see it! Relax!
It means it's a scratch. Nobody wins.
I'll tell you what it means. We're going into extra innings.
Carla, call the airport. Tell them to get my other Lear ready.
Gordon, stay here and watch the board. Tell us where they're going.
Gentlemen, grab your drinks. We're going to Silver City.
- Is that it? - That's it.
Thank the pilot. Tell him to level off.
Who had Mr. Kimiche?
- It was me. - Well done!
- Congratulations. - Very good.
Keep going!
Come on!
There it is. It's coming down right there.
- Where is it? - There it is.
Go!
- Get it! Get it! - Grab that money!
Get it down!
Now, that is one hell of an entrance.
It's Smash Mouth!
What's going on over here?
- What's this? - Money.
Jesus, how much is this?
- Two million dollars. - Two--
Two million-- Two million dollars, everybody!
Two million dollars!
On the bus, we talked about it...
and we decide to share all the money.
They're gonna share all the money, everybody!
Oh, man!
Get these guys some jackets.
Get these jack-- Get these jackets over here.
So what's the story, man? Are you guys some kind of organization?
- What's going on? - No, no. We just met this morning.
They just met this morning, everybody!
Oh, my God!
I almost didn't come along, but then I met Tracy and--
Well, great things happen all at once.
Oh, this is beautiful, baby. This is beautiful.
Great things happen, I don't know.
Feed the earth, baby. Feed the earth.
We're gonna check the tote board now and see where we're at. Okay?
Come on, baby. Let it roll. Come on, baby.
You don't understand.
Excuse me. We work for Feed the Earth.
These are some of our children.
I don't know who you people are or where you came from...
but God bless you.
Tonight...
you've given to these kids...
and their brothers and sisters all over the world more than money.
You've given them back their faith...
their faith in the goodness of people.
She said, "You are just like the 12 disciples."
Aw!
Thank you.
Forget it.
All these other disciples can do whatever they want with their share.
- But this money goes home with us. - What?
- Period. End of story. - Put the money in the bag, carrot.
You don't know me, man.
Come here.
It's you.
I'm so proud of you.
Giving away all of your money?
Come on.
Mama is watching us from heaven right now.
What would she do?
It's for starving children, Duane.
Do it for Mom.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd like to introduce the real star of tonight's show.
None of us would be here tonight if it wasn't for this man.
He is the man with the plan, Mr. Donald Sinclair.
What?
One of the wealthiest men in the world!
- Mr. Donald Sinclair! - You are the man.
Get a camera on him. There you go. Nice shot. There he is.
These men, they didn't have to be here tonight.
No, they could be off kicking back in the Riviera...
or in Vegas blowing their money on some meaningless idiotic bet.
They couldn't do that...
not when there were children going to bed hungry every night.
Isn't that right, fellas?
Whatever.
Mr. Donald Sinclair and his partners...
want you and the millions of people watching at home...
to know they plan to match whatever you raise tonight...
dollar for dollar!
- Dollar for dollar! - Dollar for dollar!
A matching fund, everybody!
Let's hit the phones out there and crank it up...
because we're gonna feed the whole world tonight!
Somebody once told me
The world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest toolin the shed
And she was lookin' kind of dumb
With a finger and a thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin'
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey, now, you're an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey, now, you're a rock star Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now Wait till you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judgin' by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin
The water's gettin' warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire How about yours
That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play
Hey, now, you're a rock star Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
Go to the moon
Oh, yeah, go to the moon
Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play
Hey, now, you're a rock star Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we all could use a little change
Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin'
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do So much to see
So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play
Hey, now, you're a rock star Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold