1 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,911 Well, I wake up in the mornin' 2 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,784 Each and everyday 3 00:00:56,856 --> 00:01:01,623 And I sit down at the table and I hear my daddy say 4 00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,162 Life is nothin' It's a nothin' 5 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,721 Life is nothin' but a slap in the face 6 00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:09,165 Life is nothin' It's a nothin' 7 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,897 Life is nothin' but a fat rat race 8 00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:16,408 Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah 9 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,967 Oh, yeah, yeah 10 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,980 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah 11 00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,039 Every night I have a dream 12 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,983 That you're takin' off your dress 13 00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:31,717 The only thing you're wearin' is a button on your chest 14 00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:34,191 And the button it says nothin' 15 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,854 Life is nothin' but a slap in the face 16 00:01:36,929 --> 00:01:39,227 Life is nothin' It's a nothin' 17 00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:41,766 Life is nothin' but a fat rat race 18 00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:46,567 What is life 19 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:49,199 What is life 20 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,709 A rat race, a rat race 21 00:01:51,777 --> 00:01:56,544 What is life 22 00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,243 What is life 23 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,843 A rat race, a rat race 24 00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:04,616 A rat race, a rat-rat race 25 00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:08,956 Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah 26 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:12,054 Oh, yeah, yeah 27 00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:15,259 It's a jungle out there and I know I don't belong 28 00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:20,403 So all night long I just sing my stupid song 29 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:24,470 Get a body out in the rat, in the race 30 00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:27,012 Get a body out in the rat, in the race 31 00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,639 Get a body out in the rat 32 00:02:33,819 --> 00:02:37,255 To the sound of the storm comin' strictly from the B-A-H-A M-E-N 33 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,137 Life ain't nothin' but a big rat race 34 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,835 Life ain't nothin' but a big rat race 35 00:02:56,909 --> 00:02:59,139 Life is nothin' It's a nothin' 36 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,772 Life is nothin' but a slap in the face 37 00:03:01,847 --> 00:03:04,145 Life is nothin' It's a nothin' 38 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,718 Life is nothin' but a fat rat race 39 00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:21,867 Hi. I'm checking out. 14322. 40 00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:25,763 - Mr. Schaffer? - That's me. 41 00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:30,031 - I have your bill right here. - Great. Thank you. 42 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:34,637 - How was your luck last night? - I don't-- I didn't gamble. 43 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:38,650 I was here for a friend's bachelor party. I guess he's the gambler. 44 00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:44,748 What's this $110? 45 00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:49,260 - Those are your in-room movies. - I didn't watch any movies. 46 00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:53,230 Okay, let's see. Afro Whores. 47 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,460 Afro Whores? 48 00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:58,833 You watched it-- let's see-- 11 times. 49 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:05,774 Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4:00. Afro Whores, 5:30. 50 00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:09,281 It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes... 51 00:04:09,348 --> 00:04:11,316 and then switched back over to Afro Whores. 52 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,386 I swear I didn't watch it. I was at a bachelor party. 53 00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:16,683 There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. 54 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,589 - Take that off my record. - This is not a record, sir. 55 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:24,119 - It's a delete. - How many times did you watch it? 56 00:04:24,196 --> 00:04:27,131 None! I didn't watch it. 57 00:04:27,199 --> 00:04:31,192 Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action... 58 00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,636 featuring two sexy soul sisters--" 59 00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:36,504 I don't need to know what it's about. I did not watch it. 60 00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:41,308 I didn't. 61 00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:45,908 Drove 500, and Chipper Jones struck out in that key situation. 62 00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:49,954 He's 0 for 5, lost three straight games. 63 00:04:50,022 --> 00:04:54,152 This month he has a one-game winning streak. 64 00:04:56,896 --> 00:05:01,856 Miss? Miss, can I have another one of these, please? 65 00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:05,870 Oh, sorry. I thought you were a woman. 66 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:08,168 I am a woman. 67 00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:12,374 You know, you look kind of familiar. 68 00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,970 Yeah, you do. 69 00:05:16,048 --> 00:05:18,039 You know, I get that all the time. 70 00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,550 I guess I just have one of those faces. 71 00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:24,214 And now for our loser of the week. This week it's a no-brainer. 72 00:05:24,323 --> 00:05:26,791 Referee Owen Templeton made the biggest bonehead call... 73 00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:28,826 in the history of football. 74 00:05:28,894 --> 00:05:33,263 It happened last Sunday at Dallas with the score tied at 10. 75 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,562 They were headed towards overtime. Everything was cool. 76 00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:37,727 They were about to toss the coin to see who would kick off. 77 00:05:37,803 --> 00:05:41,364 - Dallas, call it in the air. - Tails. 78 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,034 - That's heads. - That was tails. 79 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,237 - No. It's-- - That was tails. 80 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,645 No-- Wait! Hang on! It's-- Now, what did I say? 81 00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:51,683 - Tails! - It's tails. 82 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,720 - It's heads. - What are you doin'? 83 00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:59,587 You saw-- 84 00:05:59,658 --> 00:06:02,422 Okay, little brother, just be cool. 85 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,429 Just be cool. 86 00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:21,410 Okay, this is it. See that glass? 87 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,041 Walk across the lobby, slip on the glass, let gravity do the rest. 88 00:06:26,051 --> 00:06:27,985 I might "eak" my neck. 89 00:06:28,053 --> 00:06:32,080 True. You could break your neck. It's a risk I'm willing to take. 90 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:35,126 Why don't "oo" do it? 91 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:38,220 Because, Einstein, one of us needs to be the victim... 92 00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:41,130 and one of us needs to be the witness. 93 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,567 I'm your own brother. I don't know what you're sayin'. 94 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,764 How's your tongue? Let me see it. 95 00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,573 How's it look? 96 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:57,409 It looks good. It looks much better. 97 00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,850 Okay, here we go. 98 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:04,288 We're on Candid Camera, so make it look good. 99 00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:18,002 Excuse me. I'm a lawyer. Gloria Allred. 100 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,800 - What the hell happened here? - She slipped on that glass. 101 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:25,207 Those arrogant jerks. They're gonna pay for this through the nose. 102 00:07:25,277 --> 00:07:27,973 How's your neck? I've never seen such negligence. 103 00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,981 This is going to be huge. 104 00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:31,949 She's an angel. 105 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:35,487 What a cute little face. Would you look at those cheeks? 106 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:38,352 - She's absolutely beautiful. - She has your eyes. 107 00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,585 It's the only picture I have of her. 108 00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:42,593 It's all worn out 'cause I'm always looking at it. 109 00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:46,495 - You haven't seen her for 27 years? - Not till today. 110 00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:49,625 -She just called you out of the blue? -No, I found her. 111 00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:54,401 I hired a detective. I spent all my money. Now we're going to meet. 112 00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:57,465 - You think she'll recognize me? - Of course she will, won't she? 113 00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,477 - Yeah. - She will. 114 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:22,400 Vera Baker. 115 00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:25,403 My baby-- 116 00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:32,338 Excuse me. I have to take this. 117 00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,902 This is Merrill. 118 00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:39,308 No! That's unacceptable! 119 00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:43,218 If we don't ship by Tuesday, we won't be in the stores by Mother's Day. 120 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,224 That's unacceptable, so don't give me any excuses, and do it! 121 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:49,090 Do it! Just shut up and get it done! 122 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:55,200 Oh, honey, you broke your phone. 123 00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:59,363 It's okay. I carry extras. 124 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,971 - Why don't we sit down? - Yes. 125 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,385 You probably have a thousand questions for me. 126 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:21,419 I was young. I didn't tell anybody I was pregnant. 127 00:09:21,493 --> 00:09:25,122 And I felt I could handle it at the time. 128 00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,995 Hi. Do you think you gals could... 129 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,092 pull yourselves together and bring us a drink? 130 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,194 - Yeah. - Sure. 131 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,262 Sure. What would you like? 132 00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,604 Mimosa. 133 00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:40,611 They both want a mimosa. 134 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:44,376 So, you sell cosmetics? 135 00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:48,112 Yeah. I have my own company. 136 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:50,085 And we're going public. 137 00:09:51,156 --> 00:09:54,250 And you're not married? 138 00:09:54,326 --> 00:09:57,762 - Lucianne said you wouldn't. - Who? 139 00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:01,061 She's my psychic. She's the one who told me to come look for you. 140 00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:03,101 She said you needed me. 141 00:10:03,168 --> 00:10:06,831 - She did? - She said you were lonely... 142 00:10:06,905 --> 00:10:11,501 and you were worried about money and you had trouble sleeping. 143 00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:18,679 Who the hell isn't? 144 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,858 See? I told you we didn't need a bellman. 145 00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:30,622 Yeah, well, congratulations, Randy. You avoided another tip. 146 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,755 Those nickels and dimes add up, my dear. 147 00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:34,890 - I call this bed! - Hey, no fair. 148 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,231 - You got to pick last night. - Go to hell, Jason. 149 00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:39,236 - Make me. - Hey, language, please. 150 00:10:39,304 --> 00:10:41,465 - Bev, his and her bathrobes. - Yes. 151 00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:43,508 - Look at that view. - Yeah. 152 00:10:43,575 --> 00:10:48,478 - Nice view. - Okay, honey. Why don't you unpack? 153 00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,209 - Okay. - I'm just gonna go look around. 154 00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:55,047 Wait, wait, wait. You're not going to the casino? 155 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:58,555 No, no, of course not. 156 00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:02,424 I just drove from the Grand Canyon. Gotta stretch my legs. 157 00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:06,021 You swore to me on your mother's eyes we are here to see David Copperfield. 158 00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:09,768 - No gambling. - I'm just lookin' around. 159 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:14,237 In fact, I'm gonna go to the gift shop. 160 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:16,365 I can jump farther than you. 161 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,910 - I can jump farther. - No way. Watch. 162 00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:25,142 That's gotta hurt. Honey, kids need ya. 163 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:27,582 - Hey, Nick. Nicky! - Hey. 164 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:29,951 - You're not leaving? - I'm in court on Tuesday. 165 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:33,458 - No, you're not. - I work for people who are. 166 00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:36,323 You pussy. You can't leave. It's still goin' on up there. 167 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:38,761 Richie, I have to. I've had two hours sleep. 168 00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:41,732 Steve Cunningham just got another stripper. You got to see this one. 169 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,734 - She's incredible. - I got to get back. 170 00:11:43,802 --> 00:11:46,999 No, you don't, Nick. I know you. You're scared. 171 00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:50,041 You're scared it's gonna get out of control up there. 172 00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,509 Someday you'll be up for attorney general and it'll haunt you. 173 00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:55,706 - I'm not having this conversation. - You didn't even gamble. 174 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,045 Not one quarter. That's no way to live. 175 00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,176 In fact, that ain't even livin'. It's hiding. 176 00:12:01,286 --> 00:12:03,914 - I'm not hiding from anything. - Oh, no? 177 00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:06,490 Okay, then prove it. 178 00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:09,356 Do something, anything. Break one rule. 179 00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:14,365 Here. Look. Nick, a paper. Come on. Take it. 180 00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:18,096 Take it. Come on, Nick. Take it. 181 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:24,469 I have a plane to catch, okay? 182 00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:27,137 I'll see you in Chicago. 183 00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:31,409 Oh, look, I won! I won! 184 00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:33,542 Look at the money comin' down. 185 00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:36,815 Look. Look, look, look. What's-- What's-- 186 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:40,985 "You're a winner. See guest services." 187 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,391 What? A dollar? 188 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,569 Come on, baby. Come on! 189 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,119 Come on. 190 00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:11,818 We won! 191 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:19,258 - We won one. - What is this? This isn't money. 192 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,778 That's the prize? A free buffet? 193 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,944 Actually, it's not a buffet. 194 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:45,649 It's a special reception at 10:00 in the penthouse conference room. 195 00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:48,318 "Where a spectacular... 196 00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:51,556 once-in-a-lifetime opportunity awaits you." 197 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,564 That's all I know. 198 00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:56,396 - What do you think? - I think it's some kind of scam. 199 00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:59,028 Good! A scam! We'll do it. 200 00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:02,073 - I'll need to see some I.D. - Okay. 201 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,313 There. I gambled. 202 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,297 Family vacation? These are the moments you got to savor, right? 203 00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,822 Family vacation? These are the moments you got to savor, right? 204 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,528 - They'll never come around again. - Exactly. 205 00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:33,196 Excuse me. Do you know what's going on? 206 00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,206 Free grub. That's what's going on. 207 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,742 This room is fabulous. 208 00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:41,108 - Does anybody know why we're here? - Beats me. 209 00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:44,148 Oh, my God. 210 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,241 You should sue somebody. 211 00:14:46,351 --> 00:14:47,841 I did it myself. 212 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:51,389 - What? - He did it himself from a kit. 213 00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:56,723 I knew I recognized you. You're the referee-- the bonehead. 214 00:14:56,795 --> 00:15:00,390 That's just the media blowing it out of proportion. 215 00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:04,731 My hairdresser's husband lost $800 because of you. 216 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,328 - Everybody thinks we flip quarters. - Can I have a picture with you? 217 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,465 It's really a commemorative coin. Look. 218 00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:11,475 - Smile. - Please. You-- 219 00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:18,039 Am I too late? Look. I won a coin. 220 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:23,383 A gold coin. Isn't this wonderful? 221 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:25,650 Look at this room. 222 00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:30,889 What a beautiful room. Have you seen this room? 223 00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,955 Yes! We're in it. 224 00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:39,226 I am Enrico Pollini. 225 00:15:39,304 --> 00:15:43,604 Now, I know what you are thinking. Enrico is a girl's name. 226 00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:46,439 - No, I wasn't. - No pun intended. 227 00:15:46,511 --> 00:15:51,244 - What pun is that? - Food. Look at all this food. 228 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:57,186 What a beautiful party. Little cockdoggies. 229 00:15:57,255 --> 00:15:58,916 They're called cocktail wienies. 230 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:03,860 Wienies. I'm so sorry. My English is not so good. 231 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,693 But I'm learning. 232 00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:09,233 That's it. Vera. We're outta here. 233 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,633 -I want to say good-bye. Bye, y'all. -Excuse me. 234 00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:16,572 Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair. I own this hotel. 235 00:16:16,641 --> 00:16:18,802 We don't have much time. 236 00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:24,543 There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. 237 00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:29,916 The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. 238 00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:34,823 I built a bunker in the basement strong enough to withstand the blast. 239 00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:37,953 There's room for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. 240 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:43,730 When this is over, we will repopulate and re-civilize the planet. 241 00:16:52,744 --> 00:16:57,044 I couldn't resist! I'm sorry. 242 00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:03,213 A joke. He made a joke. 243 00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:07,690 Do sit down, please. Merrill, you and your mother can sit over here. 244 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:11,422 - How do you know she's my mother? - Alas, there are no secrets anymore. 245 00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:15,762 Actually, that's not quite true. There is one secret, one last secret. 246 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:20,328 It involves all of you. 247 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:25,265 - I'm getting goose pimples. - Hey-- 248 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:28,108 Ah, Mr. Schaffer! 249 00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:31,877 Curiosity got the better of you, eh? Come and sit down. 250 00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:35,885 - I'm fine. Thanks. - You haven't missed anything. 251 00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:37,922 We were just cutting to the chase. 252 00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:40,753 Cutting to the chase. 253 00:17:44,162 --> 00:17:46,255 Well, you'll laugh later. 254 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:50,097 Now, as you know, the odds against winning a jackpot downstairs... 255 00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:53,467 or hitting the state lottery are astronomical-- millions to one. 256 00:17:53,538 --> 00:17:57,235 A serious person doesn't even bother, but today... 257 00:17:57,309 --> 00:18:00,710 you have the chance of playing a game... 258 00:18:00,779 --> 00:18:03,646 where the odds of winning are one in six. 259 00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:06,581 One in six. 260 00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:09,218 It's one throw... 261 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,715 of the dice. 262 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,195 This is my attorney, Mr. Grisham... 263 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,632 who tragically was born without a personality. 264 00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:28,105 Mr. Grisham insists anyone who wishes to participate in our experiment... 265 00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:33,110 sign this waiver, absolving the casino from responsibility or damages... 266 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:36,978 personal liability, blah, blah, blah. 267 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,483 So, who do you like, Claude? 268 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:43,521 The young woman in the black coat. She looks desperate. 269 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,056 Yes, but she has her mother with her. 270 00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:49,821 - That could slow her down, hmm? - Perhaps. 271 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:53,331 Now, 563 miles from here... 272 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:56,492 is a little town called Silver City, New Mexico. 273 00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,832 - Gold rush. - Quite right, Nick. 274 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,270 Yes, they struck gold there in 1860. 275 00:19:01,339 --> 00:19:04,075 It was the second largest gold rush in American history. 276 00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:08,737 Very good, Nick. I think Nick should be our captain. 277 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:15,313 In downtown Silver City, there's a train station. 278 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,116 As you go in the front door, there's some lockers on the right. 279 00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:20,623 Mr. Grisham, do you have the keys? 280 00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:23,661 Six identical keys. 281 00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,861 They all open the same locker. 282 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,799 That's locker 001. 283 00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:33,565 Inside the locker is a red duffel bag. Inside the red duffel bag... 284 00:19:33,638 --> 00:19:35,936 is $2 million. 285 00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:40,808 In cash, fifties and hundreds, makes a pile about so big. 286 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,905 First one there keeps it all. 287 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:50,283 I put transmitting devices in your key rings to keep track of you. 288 00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:54,415 And that's it. 289 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:55,458 Go. 290 00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,495 You just can't pick people at random. 291 00:20:00,565 --> 00:20:02,931 I can do anything I like, Owen. I'm eccentric. 292 00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:05,501 Go! 293 00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:08,300 Wait, wait. So, it's like a race? 294 00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:11,704 A race. It's a race. 295 00:20:11,776 --> 00:20:13,869 I hope I win. 296 00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:16,243 What are the rules? 297 00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:20,045 There's only one rule. Are you ready? Here it is. 298 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:24,186 There are no rules. 299 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,190 Go. 300 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,460 Go! 301 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:33,895 So now when you say, "Go," you mean just go? 302 00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:37,423 Begin, commence, start moving. 303 00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:41,438 Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds. 304 00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:44,031 So far, Mr. Schaffer is winning... 305 00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:47,044 because he's nearest to the door. 306 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,682 You're crazy! 307 00:20:56,788 --> 00:21:00,781 A race! A race! You have to pace yourself. 308 00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:04,828 Carbohydrate is important. Pasta is good. 309 00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:07,524 Breathing is important. 310 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,458 Scusi. One-- 311 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:16,205 It's some sort of joke. It has to be. 312 00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:19,607 What kind of jackass just gives away $2 million? 313 00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:22,203 Maybe it's a publicity stunt. 314 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,579 What kind of publicity? He swore us all to secrecy. 315 00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:30,451 -Maybe it's a secret publicity stunt. -A secret publicity stunt? 316 00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:31,988 Yes! 317 00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:34,082 I don't know what his angle is, but there's always an angle. 318 00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:37,252 Donald Sinclair-- People like him make millions of dollars... 319 00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:40,059 playing people like us for chumps. 320 00:21:40,131 --> 00:21:42,326 - I'm nobody's chump. - So you don't believe-- 321 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:46,234 11:30, nonstop to Chicago. I'm gonna be on it. 322 00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,166 You know what? He's right. 323 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,731 I'm not cuttin' short my first family vacation... 324 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,335 in three years to go on some half-assed wild goose chase. 325 00:21:54,412 --> 00:21:58,109 Okay, so, you're not goin' for it? 326 00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:01,879 I don't think so. 327 00:22:01,986 --> 00:22:04,580 - Not me, no. - No. Great. 328 00:22:04,689 --> 00:22:07,123 - I guess that's that, huh? - Right. 329 00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:09,888 It was nice meetin' y'all. I'm gonna take the stairs. 330 00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:12,930 My room's just two floors down, so nice meetin' ya. 331 00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:15,227 Hey, have a nice vacation. 332 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,699 You know, it's probably stuck. 333 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,813 I think I'm gonna take the stairs too. 334 00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,350 Crap. 335 00:22:41,459 --> 00:22:43,825 - Go, go, go, go! - Come on, Vera! 336 00:22:48,566 --> 00:22:51,160 Watch out! 337 00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:54,565 Comin' through! 338 00:22:59,344 --> 00:23:01,039 Hold the door, please. 339 00:23:01,112 --> 00:23:03,876 Take your time. No rush. 340 00:23:03,948 --> 00:23:05,939 - Get up! - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 341 00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:10,681 If we're all gonna go for it, why don't we go for it together? 342 00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:13,781 You know, split the money 50-50. 343 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:17,692 - Fifty-fifty? - You know what I mean. Whatever. 344 00:23:17,762 --> 00:23:19,696 Yes, yes, that's a good plan. 345 00:23:19,764 --> 00:23:22,858 It's a race. It's a race. 346 00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:26,062 I'm winning. I'm winning. 347 00:23:29,307 --> 00:23:31,070 And they're off! 348 00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:37,340 No one-- No one is offering you action like this. 349 00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:40,578 A horse race with animals that can think and plan... 350 00:23:40,685 --> 00:23:45,520 and lie and cheat and play dirty. 351 00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:48,855 It's the gambling experience of a lifetime. 352 00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:53,227 It's my way of saying I understand men like you. 353 00:23:53,298 --> 00:23:55,129 I know what you want. I know what you need. 354 00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:00,103 This casino-- my casino-- is where you belong. 355 00:24:02,373 --> 00:24:04,807 - I got it! - Excuse me! 356 00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:07,242 - To the airport. - You got it. 357 00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:09,940 We're out the door. I don't see you. Where are you? 358 00:24:09,981 --> 00:24:14,384 - I forgot to tip the maid. - Forget the maid. There he is! 359 00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:16,886 - Come on! Let's go! - Okay, okay. 360 00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:22,222 Bev, this is a real job! I swear! 361 00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:24,959 What is it? 362 00:24:27,131 --> 00:24:29,156 The job? What's the job? 363 00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:33,736 Ink for fountain pens. 364 00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:39,143 - And they're in New Mexico? - Silver City, New Mexico. 365 00:24:39,210 --> 00:24:42,941 I love New Mexico. Honey, we'll go with you. 366 00:24:43,014 --> 00:24:45,744 - No! - Why not? 367 00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:50,747 Because we've already paid for the room. Now look who's wasting money. 368 00:24:51,856 --> 00:24:53,824 This was your idea to stop here. 369 00:24:53,892 --> 00:24:56,861 I don't care about David Copperfield. We're on vacation. We'll go with you. 370 00:24:56,928 --> 00:25:00,420 - But you don't understand-- - We will go with you! 371 00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:04,859 - Fine. - Yes! 372 00:25:04,936 --> 00:25:07,871 Fine. Fine. Here. Call the bellman. Have him bring the van around. 373 00:25:07,939 --> 00:25:10,032 - You happy? You happy? - Okay. 374 00:25:10,108 --> 00:25:14,568 Scusi. Scusi. I'm in a race. Scusi. 375 00:25:14,646 --> 00:25:17,376 Scusi. It's a race. 376 00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:35,123 - What is he doing? - I think he's sleeping. 377 00:25:35,199 --> 00:25:37,167 - Sleeping? - He must be narcoleptic. 378 00:25:37,235 --> 00:25:39,169 It's a rare sleeping disorder. 379 00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:42,604 - But I bet on him! - So did I. Two million dollars. 380 00:25:42,674 --> 00:25:45,199 I'm sorry, gentlemen. All the bets are locked in. 381 00:25:45,276 --> 00:25:47,244 Sleeping! Sleeping! 382 00:25:55,753 --> 00:25:57,812 - Look out! - Don't tell me how to drive! 383 00:25:57,922 --> 00:25:59,514 It's only yellow. It's only yellow. Run it! 384 00:26:01,593 --> 00:26:05,256 - Where's my video game? - Seat belts, everyone. 385 00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:09,733 - Honey, what is the rush? - It's the opportunity of a lifetime. 386 00:26:09,801 --> 00:26:12,565 You're not just a travel agent, Roger. You're an angel. 387 00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:15,231 There's one charter plane available in Las Vegas. 388 00:26:15,306 --> 00:26:17,274 We just bagged it. 389 00:26:17,342 --> 00:26:19,276 - Back to pass. - Get rid of it. 390 00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:22,836 - Looks to his left. - Get rid of it. Throw the ball! 391 00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:25,405 That's why you're not gonna get drafted! 392 00:26:25,483 --> 00:26:28,509 You'll be lucky to play arena football in Barcelona! 393 00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:31,453 - You like football? - Sure. 394 00:26:31,522 --> 00:26:35,515 Did you happen to catch that Dallas game last week? 395 00:26:35,627 --> 00:26:40,690 It was an obscenity. It was a crime against football. 396 00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:43,495 I lost 20 grand on that game! And they would have won! 397 00:26:43,568 --> 00:26:47,026 Now I gotta work two shifts because of that idiot! 398 00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:51,269 Stevie Wonder could have done a better job calling that game. 399 00:26:53,478 --> 00:26:55,412 Where the hell's the airport? 400 00:26:57,382 --> 00:27:00,977 One flip of the coin and the franchise goes straight down the crapper. 401 00:27:01,085 --> 00:27:03,178 - That'll be 10.50, buddy. - Keep the change. 402 00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:07,849 Thanks a lot. You have a nice flight. Yeah! 403 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:10,086 You know who that was? 404 00:27:10,161 --> 00:27:14,188 That was the ref. The guy from the game? The coin toss! 405 00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:17,200 Oh, my God! You're right! That was him! 406 00:27:17,268 --> 00:27:19,537 I had him in the cab, and I let him go! 407 00:27:19,671 --> 00:27:22,333 - Where are we going? - We gotta go. Come on. Just go. 408 00:27:22,407 --> 00:27:25,638 - Go, go, go, go, go. - Chumps. 409 00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:53,163 Excuse me. Hi. 410 00:27:53,905 --> 00:27:57,341 - I'm not a creep or anything. - I don't have any quarters. 411 00:27:59,677 --> 00:28:02,942 I never do this, but I'm reading the same book you are. 412 00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:05,141 Look. See? Lindbergh. 413 00:28:05,216 --> 00:28:07,150 It's fantastic, isn't it? 414 00:28:07,218 --> 00:28:11,052 - What part are you on? - He just had a sex change. 415 00:28:11,122 --> 00:28:13,215 Who did? Lindbergh? 416 00:28:13,291 --> 00:28:15,725 - Sex change? - Yeah. 417 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:21,126 That's funny. 418 00:28:21,232 --> 00:28:23,029 - I thought so. - That's funny. 419 00:28:23,101 --> 00:28:25,035 I wouldn't be too proud of yourself though. 420 00:28:25,103 --> 00:28:27,037 I'm the most gullible guy in Chicago. 421 00:28:30,575 --> 00:28:32,133 Can I buy you a drink? 422 00:28:33,144 --> 00:28:34,702 I can't. I'm flying. 423 00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:39,842 - So, it'll relax you. - I mean, I'm flying. I'm a pilot. 424 00:28:43,254 --> 00:28:46,087 Pilot? Are there a lot of female pilots? 425 00:28:47,158 --> 00:28:48,750 There's at least one. 426 00:28:51,963 --> 00:28:55,364 When I walk away, I'm gonna think of something great to say to that. 427 00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,027 Good. Mail it to me. 428 00:29:03,241 --> 00:29:05,505 Flight 115 to Albuquerque, New Mexico. 429 00:29:05,576 --> 00:29:08,602 - Gate 17. You better hurry. - Four tickets to Albuquerque. 430 00:29:08,679 --> 00:29:11,477 -Near the front of the plane. Please. -All right. 431 00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:13,483 Come on! 432 00:29:14,385 --> 00:29:17,513 This is so exciting. I've never been on a private plane before. 433 00:29:17,588 --> 00:29:19,613 This is bigger than my condo. 434 00:29:19,690 --> 00:29:22,386 - Gentlemen, what's our ETA? - One hour and ten minutes. 435 00:29:23,161 --> 00:29:25,652 If you can do it in less than an hour, I'll buy you both dinner. 436 00:29:25,730 --> 00:29:27,391 You're on-- 437 00:29:27,498 --> 00:29:30,490 - Watch it. Move. Excuse me. Move. - Move! Move! Move! 438 00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:32,535 - Who was next? - I was! 439 00:29:32,603 --> 00:29:33,865 - I was! - I was! 440 00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:36,668 - What? You were not next! - Are you callin' me a liar? 441 00:29:36,741 --> 00:29:40,438 Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am. We've been in line over 20 minutes. 442 00:29:40,511 --> 00:29:43,878 - Is that the correct time? - Hey! Whoa! 443 00:29:43,948 --> 00:29:46,143 Yes, it is. 444 00:29:47,151 --> 00:29:49,415 - Who's next? - They were, right there. 445 00:29:49,487 --> 00:29:52,251 Two tickets to Albuquerque. 446 00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:56,692 I'm sorry. We're completely booked. There's nothing. 447 00:29:56,761 --> 00:29:59,525 There's a 4:30, but you have to switch in Dallas. 448 00:30:04,268 --> 00:30:09,069 What do you mean that's it? I'm not givin' up and neither are you. 449 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:12,837 And neither am I! I'll tell you something, brother. 450 00:30:12,910 --> 00:30:16,846 If we're not flyin' outta here, no one is flyin' outta here. 451 00:31:16,774 --> 00:31:18,207 That can't be good. 452 00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:28,177 Duane! 453 00:31:40,298 --> 00:31:41,765 No! 454 00:31:50,207 --> 00:31:52,732 Blaine! Blaine! 455 00:31:55,780 --> 00:31:59,443 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 456 00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:07,450 Shit! 457 00:32:18,336 --> 00:32:21,703 I can't! 458 00:32:21,772 --> 00:32:25,902 What are you doin'? I don't know where to go! 459 00:32:25,977 --> 00:32:27,911 - Move! - Trying to kill me? 460 00:32:27,979 --> 00:32:32,245 Duane, stop the car! Stop the car! 461 00:32:43,327 --> 00:32:47,354 Whoa, girl! Jesus! 462 00:33:00,778 --> 00:33:04,179 Freeze everything, every flight. Get me Central Operations. 463 00:33:06,450 --> 00:33:08,384 Attention all passengers. 464 00:33:08,452 --> 00:33:10,920 Due to a technical problem with our radar tracking system... 465 00:33:10,988 --> 00:33:13,456 all flights are postponed until further notice. 466 00:33:13,524 --> 00:33:16,721 We apologize for any inconvenience. 467 00:33:18,329 --> 00:33:19,227 We gotta go. 468 00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:20,592 - Hurry up! - The bags? 469 00:33:20,698 --> 00:33:22,632 Forget the bags! Let's go! 470 00:33:22,700 --> 00:33:24,998 Comin' through! 471 00:33:26,070 --> 00:33:29,301 - This is your license? - Yes, it is. 472 00:33:30,374 --> 00:33:32,308 - Where was it issued? - In Guam. 473 00:33:36,247 --> 00:33:38,875 Just head east, and I'm in a hurry. 474 00:33:39,750 --> 00:33:44,153 Hello again. East it is. 475 00:33:45,689 --> 00:33:48,749 We have a midsized Caprice. 476 00:33:48,826 --> 00:33:51,420 - What color is it? - We don't care about color. 477 00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:54,123 Just give us whatever car is parked closest to the door. 478 00:33:54,231 --> 00:33:56,722 Ask about insurance. 479 00:33:56,834 --> 00:34:00,133 Would you be interested in purchasing liability insurance? 480 00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:02,798 - How much is it? - It doesn't matter. We'll take it. 481 00:34:02,873 --> 00:34:04,864 Just hurry. 482 00:34:08,112 --> 00:34:11,240 Hit enter. Now shift. 483 00:34:12,316 --> 00:34:14,682 Shift key. Right there. Yeah. 484 00:34:18,422 --> 00:34:19,855 Hey, watch it! 485 00:34:19,924 --> 00:34:23,121 Bus! White people! 486 00:34:26,030 --> 00:34:26,928 ldiot! 487 00:34:28,032 --> 00:34:30,125 Okay, I've got one. 488 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,533 - What? - A great comeback. 489 00:34:35,806 --> 00:34:37,865 I said, "Are there a lot of female pilots?" 490 00:34:37,942 --> 00:34:39,933 And you said, "There's at least one." 491 00:34:40,010 --> 00:34:43,468 I should have said, "Two if you count Lindbergh." 492 00:34:44,548 --> 00:34:46,539 'Cause you said he had a sex change. 493 00:34:47,218 --> 00:34:49,152 It's a work in progress. 494 00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:51,552 - I'm Nick Schaffer. - Tracy Faucet. 495 00:34:51,622 --> 00:34:53,613 So I guess you can have that drink now. 496 00:34:53,691 --> 00:34:57,149 I told you I'm flying. I'm leaving for Roswell in five minutes. 497 00:34:57,228 --> 00:34:59,492 Didn't you hear? Everybody's grounded. 498 00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:03,693 That's for fixed wing. I'm in a chopper. We use a different system. 499 00:35:09,974 --> 00:35:12,408 Roswell, New Mexico? 500 00:35:13,944 --> 00:35:17,209 - You're flying to New Mexico? - We've been flying down all week. 501 00:35:17,281 --> 00:35:19,250 They're repainting the whole fleet. 502 00:35:23,254 --> 00:35:27,554 You can fly. Nobody else can fly. 503 00:35:27,625 --> 00:35:30,719 But you can fly. 504 00:35:30,794 --> 00:35:33,786 - And you're flying to New Mexico. - Yeah. 505 00:35:33,864 --> 00:35:36,958 - But nobody else can fly. - Yeah. 506 00:35:37,034 --> 00:35:40,299 Do you need a ride? 507 00:35:43,774 --> 00:35:46,299 Come on! 508 00:35:51,715 --> 00:35:54,513 - Coconut. - Coconut! Who had coconut? 509 00:35:54,585 --> 00:35:57,383 I did. 510 00:35:57,454 --> 00:35:59,183 Phil. 511 00:36:00,758 --> 00:36:02,851 That's the kind of car that I'm gettin'. 512 00:36:02,927 --> 00:36:05,691 - Yeah? Don't count on it. - Why not? 513 00:36:05,763 --> 00:36:08,755 Because the Volkswagen Beetle was used by the Nazis. 514 00:36:08,832 --> 00:36:12,097 I would not be comfortable driving around in one. 515 00:36:12,169 --> 00:36:16,606 - So, don't drive it. I will. - Dad, I have to go. 516 00:36:16,674 --> 00:36:20,166 - No, you don't. - Yes, I do. I really do. 517 00:36:20,277 --> 00:36:24,543 - We just stopped! - The bathroom was too gross. 518 00:36:24,615 --> 00:36:28,711 - Well, can't you hold it in? - I can't! It's an emergency. 519 00:36:28,786 --> 00:36:30,720 Honey, there's a restaurant. 520 00:36:30,788 --> 00:36:33,757 That's three miles down and then back. We lose ten minutes. 521 00:36:33,824 --> 00:36:36,054 So what? Your daughter has to go to the bathroom. 522 00:36:36,126 --> 00:36:38,526 - Please stop, Dad. - All right. 523 00:36:38,596 --> 00:36:41,224 Jason, look back there for an empty jar. 524 00:36:41,298 --> 00:36:43,357 A jar? Girls don't pee in jars. 525 00:36:43,434 --> 00:36:45,368 All right, sorry. 526 00:36:45,436 --> 00:36:49,099 Jason, we're gonna need a jar and a funnel. 527 00:36:49,173 --> 00:36:51,767 Dad, I don't have to pee. It's number two! 528 00:36:51,875 --> 00:36:56,312 - Sorry, I can't stop. - Dad, I'm prairie-dogging it. 529 00:36:56,380 --> 00:36:57,779 What does that mean? 530 00:36:57,848 --> 00:37:01,545 Like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground. 531 00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:08,715 I do not want to picture that. 532 00:37:09,793 --> 00:37:12,421 Yes, sir, Silver City it is. 533 00:37:12,496 --> 00:37:15,795 - Buddy. - It's about 700 miles. 534 00:37:15,866 --> 00:37:20,235 - You don't mind, do ya? - Oh, no. No, no, I don't mind. 535 00:37:20,304 --> 00:37:23,705 A job's just another job for me. 536 00:37:23,774 --> 00:37:26,766 About how much you think that's gonna cost? 537 00:37:26,877 --> 00:37:31,576 I wouldn't worry about it. Tell you what. 538 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:35,847 You just pay me whatever you think is fair... 539 00:37:35,919 --> 00:37:40,754 'cause I trust your judgment. 540 00:37:40,824 --> 00:37:43,816 I hate you. I hate you! 541 00:37:43,894 --> 00:37:48,160 Nobody look. I'm gonna turn on the radio, so nobody can hear you. 542 00:37:48,232 --> 00:37:50,166 I'll never forgive you. I hate you. 543 00:37:50,234 --> 00:37:52,828 Nobody can hear you, honey. Push away. 544 00:38:01,478 --> 00:38:04,538 I'm gonna drop you off there. There's a parking lot near the hospital. 545 00:38:04,648 --> 00:38:08,140 - Great. Great. - So what's wrong with her? 546 00:38:08,252 --> 00:38:11,153 -Who? -Your sister. You said it's serious. 547 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:16,055 Yeah. Shark bite. 548 00:38:17,127 --> 00:38:19,891 - A shark bite? - Yeah. 549 00:38:19,963 --> 00:38:22,591 They took her to Silver City? 550 00:38:22,666 --> 00:38:26,033 They have a really good shark attack unit there. 551 00:38:34,011 --> 00:38:35,945 How fast was I going? 552 00:38:43,554 --> 00:38:47,513 - Where are we? - It's a shortcut I know. 553 00:38:47,591 --> 00:38:51,584 -Maybe we should stick to the highway. -There's a thought. 554 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:55,894 You say stick to the highway. I say we should take my shortcut. 555 00:38:55,966 --> 00:39:00,665 - Why don't we just flip a coin? - It's not what you think. 556 00:39:00,738 --> 00:39:04,037 - Come on, you blind son of a bitch! - Wait! Stop it! 557 00:39:04,108 --> 00:39:07,839 Give me that goddamn whistle! I'm gonna shove it up your ass! 558 00:39:07,945 --> 00:39:10,106 Come back here! 559 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:16,148 Shit. 560 00:39:18,355 --> 00:39:20,880 I'll kill him. 561 00:39:38,342 --> 00:39:40,333 - Squirrel? - No, thank you. 562 00:39:40,411 --> 00:39:42,845 We're looking for the interstate. 563 00:39:42,913 --> 00:39:46,371 I get that a lot 'cause of the detour. 564 00:39:47,718 --> 00:39:50,551 Now they've lost their way. 565 00:39:50,621 --> 00:39:54,785 Now they can't go home. You sure you don't want one? 566 00:39:54,858 --> 00:39:56,553 We're sure. Thank you. 567 00:39:56,627 --> 00:40:00,290 They make crackerjack pets. I taught this one to shake hands. 568 00:40:00,364 --> 00:40:04,460 He's not for sale though. Who wants to go home with the nice ladies? 569 00:40:04,535 --> 00:40:07,834 "Pick me. Pick me. Don't be afraid. I don't bite. 570 00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:12,274 - What's your name, pretty lady?" - Vera. 571 00:40:12,342 --> 00:40:14,742 Ma'am, really. We're not interested. 572 00:40:14,845 --> 00:40:17,871 Well, I'm not talkin' to you, am I? I'm talkin' to Vera. 573 00:40:17,981 --> 00:40:22,418 What about Bucky here? He loves to climb trees and eat nuts. 574 00:40:22,486 --> 00:40:24,579 Ma'am, we do not want a squirrel. 575 00:40:24,655 --> 00:40:26,782 Do you or do you not know where the interstate is? 576 00:40:26,857 --> 00:40:30,258 Of course I do. I'm not retarded. "Tell 'em about the shortcut." 577 00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,693 Thank you, Bucky. 578 00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:36,199 I almost forgot. There's a dandy shortcut. 579 00:40:36,266 --> 00:40:38,962 It'll bring you right to exit 14. It'll save you 30 miles. 580 00:40:40,003 --> 00:40:42,096 Now listen carefully. 581 00:40:42,172 --> 00:40:45,630 You want to go straight down here exactly 1.8 miles. 582 00:40:45,742 --> 00:40:50,008 - 1.8. - Make a left at Totem Pole Ranch. 583 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,844 Go 5.4 miles and you're gonna go up a big hill. 584 00:40:52,916 --> 00:40:56,511 You'll see a big yellow sign with some graffiti on it. 585 00:40:56,587 --> 00:41:01,149 Take the dirt road on the right. It'll take you to the interstate. 586 00:41:01,225 --> 00:41:02,487 - Thank you. - Thank you. 587 00:41:02,559 --> 00:41:06,928 Wait a minute. Take some nuts with you... 588 00:41:06,997 --> 00:41:09,659 just in case you see a squirrel, okay? 589 00:41:11,134 --> 00:41:15,571 "Bye. Bye. You could have bought me." 590 00:41:15,639 --> 00:41:18,369 You'll make it. You'll make it. 591 00:41:24,982 --> 00:41:26,677 Where am I? 592 00:41:30,220 --> 00:41:33,348 Wow! A Barbie Museum! Can we stop? 593 00:41:33,423 --> 00:41:37,757 Sorry, Kimmy. We have a plan, and we're gonna stick to the plan. 594 00:41:37,828 --> 00:41:40,262 Please, Daddy. Please, please, please, please, please. 595 00:41:40,330 --> 00:41:42,730 - Hey, hey! - It's not fair. 596 00:41:42,799 --> 00:41:45,427 We never get to stop anywhere I want to. 597 00:41:45,502 --> 00:41:48,733 I'm sure Jason doesn't want to go to the Barbie Museum. 598 00:41:48,805 --> 00:41:52,241 You kiddin'? I'll stop anywhere. I'm wiggin' out back here. 599 00:41:52,342 --> 00:41:55,937 You need to pull over and stop to give the kids a break. 600 00:41:56,046 --> 00:41:57,911 Yeah, okay, maybe on the way back. 601 00:41:57,981 --> 00:41:59,972 - Stop the car. - I can't do that. 602 00:42:00,083 --> 00:42:02,051 - We all need to stop the car. - No can do. 603 00:42:02,152 --> 00:42:04,518 - You need to stop the car. - No! 604 00:42:04,588 --> 00:42:06,055 Stop the car! 605 00:42:12,763 --> 00:42:15,288 Okay, fine, but 10 minutes. 606 00:42:15,365 --> 00:42:18,698 Wow! The Barbie Museum. 607 00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:21,101 Klaus Barbie... 608 00:42:21,171 --> 00:42:23,469 sometimes known as the Butcher of Lyons. 609 00:42:23,540 --> 00:42:27,567 Let the Jew revisionists talk about their death camps... 610 00:42:27,678 --> 00:42:30,613 and so-called crimes against humanity. 611 00:42:30,681 --> 00:42:36,085 This museum is lovingly dedicated to the Klaus Barbie that nobody knows. 612 00:42:36,186 --> 00:42:39,952 The husband, the devoted father, the wine connoisseur... 613 00:42:40,023 --> 00:42:42,958 and three-time ballroom dancing champion. 614 00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:52,831 Hey, hey, there's that guy, the "udgy" one. 615 00:42:55,172 --> 00:42:58,539 Barbie joined the SS in 1935... 616 00:42:58,609 --> 00:43:02,443 where he soon became one of the Fuhrer's favorite young officers. 617 00:43:02,512 --> 00:43:04,912 Can we go? 618 00:43:04,982 --> 00:43:08,179 Here we see him standing beside Hitler's touring car... 619 00:43:08,251 --> 00:43:12,381 the very same car on display outside in our courtyard. 620 00:43:12,456 --> 00:43:13,718 You're leaving? 621 00:43:15,292 --> 00:43:17,351 What-- 622 00:43:17,427 --> 00:43:22,160 No-- Yes. Well, we have a 4:30 book burning, and then we have a-- 623 00:43:22,232 --> 00:43:24,257 - A christening. - Yes, a christening... 624 00:43:24,334 --> 00:43:28,361 for one of our many white, Christian, non-Jewish friends-- 625 00:43:28,472 --> 00:43:34,138 -Family. Blood relatives. -The Himmler Hessin Von Sturichberg-- 626 00:43:34,211 --> 00:43:36,679 - Thank you so much. - Yes, love your do. 627 00:43:36,780 --> 00:43:38,771 Thank you. It's beautiful. We had a great time. 628 00:43:40,117 --> 00:43:41,778 Wow! A gift shop. 629 00:43:41,852 --> 00:43:45,151 Yes, I know, honey. Next time. I promise. I really do. 630 00:43:45,222 --> 00:43:47,213 Just go. Just go. 631 00:43:47,290 --> 00:43:51,989 - Oh, my God! We've been cut! - What do we do now? 632 00:43:53,063 --> 00:43:54,530 I say we take the interstate. 633 00:43:54,598 --> 00:43:58,125 No, "ake" Highway "well." That's a shortcut. 634 00:43:58,201 --> 00:44:01,898 You don't know what the shortcut is. It could be a dirt road. 635 00:44:02,005 --> 00:44:05,907 You know what? There are "oo" of us. Why don't we separate? 636 00:44:05,976 --> 00:44:08,945 - What? - There's "oo" of us. 637 00:44:09,012 --> 00:44:12,413 "Amy" we should "ust" separate. 638 00:44:12,482 --> 00:44:16,179 You're right. You're a genius. There's two of us. 639 00:44:16,253 --> 00:44:19,188 If we separate and you steal a car, we can both go our own way... 640 00:44:19,256 --> 00:44:21,224 and double our chances of gettin' there first. 641 00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:23,851 All right. You take the-- 642 00:44:23,927 --> 00:44:26,225 We only got one "ee." 643 00:44:28,665 --> 00:44:32,795 Look, there it is. Totem Pole Ranch, turn left. 644 00:44:32,869 --> 00:44:37,238 1.8 miles exactly. All right, squirrel lady. 645 00:44:41,244 --> 00:44:45,943 I can't believe it, Dad. You stole Adolf Hitler's Mercedes-Benz. 646 00:44:46,016 --> 00:44:50,282 Hitler had it comin'. What goes around comes around. 647 00:44:50,353 --> 00:44:52,321 They're gonna be pissed. 648 00:44:52,389 --> 00:44:56,951 They're always pissed. They're Nazis. It's like it's their job. 649 00:44:57,027 --> 00:45:02,329 When we get to Silver City, we'll call 'em. We'll work somethin' out. 650 00:45:07,904 --> 00:45:09,337 North? 651 00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:11,840 A little detour. It'll just take a minute. 652 00:45:11,908 --> 00:45:14,399 I just wanted to say hi to my boyfriend. 653 00:45:22,652 --> 00:45:26,315 I can't believe it. That-- That son of a bitch! 654 00:45:26,389 --> 00:45:28,414 That's Charlene's car. 655 00:45:28,492 --> 00:45:31,859 -Charlene? -His ex-girlfriend, or so I thought. 656 00:45:31,928 --> 00:45:36,126 Come on now. I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation. 657 00:45:36,199 --> 00:45:39,225 She probably came by just to pick up some clothes or-- 658 00:45:39,302 --> 00:45:42,328 Nice and warm. 659 00:45:48,578 --> 00:45:50,068 What the-- 660 00:45:50,180 --> 00:45:52,410 Get down! 661 00:45:54,351 --> 00:45:57,946 Did I come at a bad time, asshole? 662 00:46:00,590 --> 00:46:03,957 I'll ram this helicopter right down your throat! 663 00:46:09,099 --> 00:46:10,191 What are you doing? 664 00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:15,034 Don't worry. My father's a navy pilot. I've been flying since I was 15. 665 00:46:15,138 --> 00:46:18,005 I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about me. 666 00:46:18,074 --> 00:46:22,602 Shawn, you have a minute? I want to talk about our relationship. 667 00:46:36,726 --> 00:46:38,489 Suck on that, creep! 668 00:46:41,198 --> 00:46:44,133 - That's-- - Not the truck! 669 00:46:44,201 --> 00:46:47,136 Oh, my God! 670 00:46:47,237 --> 00:46:49,398 Come on. Help me. Open it. 671 00:46:49,506 --> 00:46:51,167 I'm not comfortable-- 672 00:46:51,274 --> 00:46:53,208 - Open it! - Okay. 673 00:46:59,683 --> 00:47:01,116 She's gonna kill me. 674 00:47:01,184 --> 00:47:03,744 - We should get outta here. - Not yet! 675 00:47:04,855 --> 00:47:08,347 You two-timing, backstabbing snake! 676 00:47:08,425 --> 00:47:10,586 You worm! You turd! 677 00:47:13,496 --> 00:47:19,196 My God! What was I thinking? I want my five months back! 678 00:47:20,637 --> 00:47:23,162 I'm getting the tattoo removed! 679 00:47:27,277 --> 00:47:29,245 Stop hitting me! 680 00:47:29,312 --> 00:47:32,713 Where are you goin', baby? Wait for me! 681 00:47:51,935 --> 00:47:56,702 - I think we just killed him. - You can't! He's like a cockroach. 682 00:48:02,846 --> 00:48:04,245 Fix the-- 683 00:48:08,418 --> 00:48:10,477 Should we be this low? 684 00:48:15,692 --> 00:48:19,059 Come on. Come on. Let's keep goin'. Come on. 685 00:48:22,565 --> 00:48:25,932 We just violated about 115 federal laws. 686 00:48:26,002 --> 00:48:28,664 - "We"? - I'm getting out of here. Coming? 687 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,574 I know things look bad-- 688 00:48:34,711 --> 00:48:36,645 Nice meeting you. 689 00:48:39,816 --> 00:48:41,841 Get out of the truck, Shawn. 690 00:48:43,286 --> 00:48:45,379 That's it, Tracy. You and I are through. 691 00:48:48,959 --> 00:48:50,551 Wait! 692 00:48:58,068 --> 00:49:01,731 Wait. This is the first illegal thing I've done in my adult life. 693 00:49:01,838 --> 00:49:03,772 How does it feel? 694 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,173 I'm shaking, but that could be from the helicopter crash. 695 00:49:07,243 --> 00:49:11,475 - Get out of my truck, Tracy! - It's my truck! I paid for it! 696 00:49:11,548 --> 00:49:13,140 - Who is this? - Nobody. 697 00:49:13,216 --> 00:49:15,741 - You are nobody. - Nobody. 698 00:49:15,819 --> 00:49:19,812 You stay away from her, nobody, unless you're tired of livin'. 699 00:49:19,889 --> 00:49:24,121 While you're here, do me a favor. Charlene left a bra in the truck. 700 00:49:24,194 --> 00:49:27,595 Could you make sure she gets it? Thanks, honey. 701 00:49:27,664 --> 00:49:28,722 Help! 702 00:50:17,013 --> 00:50:20,005 - So where's the driver? - He's in the powder room. 703 00:50:20,083 --> 00:50:23,814 Hell's bells. We're never gonna get to Santa Fe by 3:00. 704 00:50:23,887 --> 00:50:25,821 - This is ridiculous. - Ridiculous. 705 00:50:25,889 --> 00:50:29,893 I really wish he'd hurry. It just seems very unprofessional. 706 00:50:36,833 --> 00:50:39,461 Mister, you gotta help me. My wife-- 707 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:40,969 She's out back. She's having a baby. 708 00:50:41,037 --> 00:50:43,005 - She's having a what? - A baby! 709 00:50:43,073 --> 00:50:45,007 - She's having a baby? - And it's halfway out! 710 00:50:45,075 --> 00:50:47,441 I can see the head! 711 00:50:47,544 --> 00:50:50,513 - I need your jacket. - Why? 712 00:50:51,881 --> 00:50:54,782 For her amniotic sac! 713 00:50:54,851 --> 00:50:57,479 - Her amniotic fluid is gushing out. - Gushing? 714 00:50:57,554 --> 00:51:00,717 The jacket! The jacket! Give me the jacket! 715 00:51:00,790 --> 00:51:03,725 - And your pants. - My pants? 716 00:51:03,793 --> 00:51:07,126 Your pants! Yeah, for her, you know, her "placentia"... 717 00:51:07,197 --> 00:51:10,189 you know, and her labia and cervical-- 718 00:51:10,266 --> 00:51:13,463 Mucus gushing-- It's gushing. 719 00:51:13,536 --> 00:51:17,063 It's just a hole and-- 720 00:51:17,140 --> 00:51:19,506 Quick! The pants. And the hat. 721 00:51:19,609 --> 00:51:21,304 Why? Why my hat? 722 00:51:23,446 --> 00:51:24,845 For her... 723 00:51:26,583 --> 00:51:27,845 vagina. 724 00:51:31,154 --> 00:51:33,247 Let's go, ladies. All aboard. We're on our way. 725 00:51:33,323 --> 00:51:37,851 - What happened to Marty? - His wife's having a baby. 726 00:51:37,961 --> 00:51:41,692 -A baby? -I'm Owen, your new driver. Let's go. 727 00:51:42,599 --> 00:51:44,191 Quiet. Quiet, everybody. 728 00:51:44,267 --> 00:51:46,201 Simmer down. Hey! 729 00:51:46,936 --> 00:51:50,235 We're gonna be under way in just a minute. This is Owen. 730 00:51:50,306 --> 00:51:53,139 He's our new driver. 731 00:51:53,209 --> 00:51:55,677 Everyone say hello. 732 00:51:55,745 --> 00:51:59,613 Hello, Owen! 733 00:51:59,682 --> 00:52:02,242 Our next stop is the third annual... 734 00:52:02,318 --> 00:52:06,345 I Love Lucy convention in Santa Fe, New Mexico. 735 00:52:06,456 --> 00:52:10,187 - What do ya say? - Ba-ba-loo! 736 00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,738 Ohh! Ohh ! 737 00:52:43,693 --> 00:52:46,719 - Is he dead? - Hey, mister, are you dead? 738 00:52:49,199 --> 00:52:52,259 It's a race. It's a race. It's a race. 739 00:52:53,336 --> 00:52:56,737 Run, run, like greased lightning. 740 00:52:57,540 --> 00:53:00,373 Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! 741 00:53:06,182 --> 00:53:08,446 Not good. Not good. 742 00:53:14,891 --> 00:53:17,451 Don't move! Stay there. I saw the whole thing. 743 00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:18,822 I'll be right down. 744 00:53:18,895 --> 00:53:22,592 Shit! Gloria Allred. 745 00:53:22,665 --> 00:53:25,998 Hey, buddy? Buddy, you okay? You okay? 746 00:53:26,069 --> 00:53:28,435 You're fine! You look great. 747 00:53:28,504 --> 00:53:30,495 - You want to report this? - Taxi! 748 00:53:30,573 --> 00:53:32,541 You don't need a taxi. Come on! 749 00:53:32,609 --> 00:53:34,600 Where you goin'? Maybe I can drop you off. 750 00:53:34,677 --> 00:53:37,373 Silver City, New Mexico. I am in a race. 751 00:53:37,447 --> 00:53:40,041 Silver City? This is your lucky day! 752 00:53:40,116 --> 00:53:43,085 I'm going to El Paso. It's right on the way. 753 00:53:43,152 --> 00:53:46,986 Come on. But, look, I got to be there by 7:00 tonight. 754 00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:50,082 - So I'm going to be driving fast. - Great. 755 00:53:50,193 --> 00:53:51,125 Yeah! 756 00:53:52,562 --> 00:53:56,362 You just want one copy, 'cause you get an extra one for half price? 757 00:53:56,432 --> 00:53:58,764 Just one and hurry. 758 00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:00,769 This is the best idea you ever had. 759 00:54:00,837 --> 00:54:03,362 We split up. We take two keys. We double our chances of winning. 760 00:54:03,439 --> 00:54:04,599 It can't fail. 761 00:54:04,674 --> 00:54:08,132 - You remember where we're goin'? - Silver City, New Mexico. 762 00:54:08,211 --> 00:54:10,839 Right. Train station, locker 001. 763 00:54:10,913 --> 00:54:12,904 "Ero, ero," one. 764 00:54:12,982 --> 00:54:15,542 Rule number one: discretion. Don't talk to anybody. 765 00:54:15,618 --> 00:54:17,643 - I won't. I "romise." - I'm serious. 766 00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:20,450 We're talking about $2 million in cash. 767 00:54:20,556 --> 00:54:23,889 People would just kill us to get their hands on that key. 768 00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:26,986 I love you. 769 00:54:27,997 --> 00:54:29,931 All right, little brother, you steal a car. 770 00:54:29,999 --> 00:54:32,365 I'm gonna try to steal that Corvette right there. 771 00:54:32,435 --> 00:54:34,369 I don't care what you get as long as it's fast. 772 00:54:34,437 --> 00:54:37,668 I'll meet you in Silver City. Don't forget your key. 773 00:54:39,475 --> 00:54:42,808 That "other-ucking" bastard! 774 00:54:42,879 --> 00:54:45,848 I'll kill 'im! I'm gonna-- 775 00:54:49,419 --> 00:54:50,852 There he is! 776 00:54:52,088 --> 00:54:54,852 Go! Go! 777 00:54:55,958 --> 00:54:58,483 Okay, we're at 2.4 miles. 778 00:54:58,594 --> 00:55:00,061 There's the yellow sign with the graffiti. 779 00:55:00,163 --> 00:55:01,858 - Turn right. - I see it. 780 00:55:01,931 --> 00:55:03,330 - Do you see it? - I see it. 781 00:55:03,399 --> 00:55:06,425 I just love this. This is like a treasure hunt. 782 00:55:08,971 --> 00:55:11,439 - Slow down! - I can't! 783 00:55:15,912 --> 00:55:17,971 Help! 784 00:55:47,343 --> 00:55:51,677 I guess my favorite episode, if l had to pick one, would be episode 34. 785 00:55:51,748 --> 00:55:55,013 Ladies, Lucys, Lucys, stay behind the line, please. 786 00:55:55,084 --> 00:55:58,315 Remember that one when Ricky wouldn't take his hat off? 787 00:55:58,388 --> 00:56:01,755 I don't remember that one. It sounds like a masterpiece. 788 00:56:01,858 --> 00:56:04,656 How about the one where she got caught in the freezer? 789 00:56:04,727 --> 00:56:08,754 Ma'am? Lucy! You have to put that out, please. 790 00:56:18,374 --> 00:56:20,342 Lucy, your hair! 791 00:56:20,410 --> 00:56:24,676 Thank you. I couldn't decide whether to keep it up or try something new. 792 00:56:24,747 --> 00:56:27,238 It's on fire! 793 00:56:35,124 --> 00:56:37,718 - Stop the bus! - We're not stoppin'! 794 00:56:37,827 --> 00:56:40,421 Just put it out! Just put it out! 795 00:56:40,530 --> 00:56:43,124 Stop! 796 00:56:43,733 --> 00:56:44,927 The bathroom!