Alouette, getile Alouette,
Alouette, je te plumerai
Je te plumerai le chien
...woof, woof!
Working out, work, work
Work cochon. work work!
Oh hh !
Alouette, getile Alouette
Alouette, je te plumerai
All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
the Lord God made them all
Grant us. Lord.
the wisdom and the grace to use aright the time
that is left to us here on earth.
Lead us to repent of our sins.
the evil we have done, and the good we have not done,
and strengthen us to follow the steps of your son
in the way that leads to the fullness of eternal life
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Bastard.
Still owes me for a lobster.
It's like that David Bowie film.
“The Man Who Fell to Earth.“
No, it's not.
Trevethan jumped out of a plane without a parachute.
In the film. David Bowie was an alien.
Is an alien.
Oh, don't start with that bollocks.
There are many people in showbiz
who are from off world.
Have you ever looked into David Bowie's eyes?
Well, by that same token,
you could say that Charlie was an alien.
Exactly.
Charlie, more wine? Thanks, Grace.
House looks lovely. Oh, thank you.
Morris?
Yes, thank you.
Thank you, Grace, yes.
Thank you, Grace.
Tongue.
There's sausage rolls in the kitchen.
Thank you. Wash your hands.
Okay.
Grace, who you looking for?
Um oh, Matthew, there you are.
Would you check the humidifier in the greenhouse?
I completely forgot.
It's done. I did it yesterday when you asked me.
Don't know what I'd do without him.
What kind of injuries would someone have
if they fell from that height?
Very bad ones.
Why did he do it?
We don't really know.
Perhaps he thought he was going to the bathroom,
and he picked the wrong door?
Yes, very likely. Would you excuse me?
I'm gonna get you! No, you're not.
Matt... have you got any?
No. There's none about.
Matthew... ?
All right, come on. Thank you.
She's not here, Grace.
Who's not here?
She left just after the service.
Did you talk to her?
No.
Do you think she'll leave?
She loves it here.
Diana seems to think it was some sort of accident,
that he was just looking for the lavatory.
I imagine he went on the way down.
This the last of it?
Enjoy.
It's gonna be a long. cold winter.
All right, Alfred?
Ah, hello, Dr. Bamford.
Hi, Matthew.
I wonder if you could do me a favor, Doctor?
My ear needs to be looked at again.
It's still... still giving a chirp.
Is it all right I p into the surgery tomorrow?
Okay.
Well, I 'd better be off.
There's reports of salmon poachers out on the estuary.
You all right?
You have no idea.
My mum wanted to get one of those dishwashers.
My dad said, “No, she's already got one.”
Him.
If there's anything I can do, Grace around the house.
Yes, well, everyone's been very kind, but...
but really... I'm fine.
Here, look, I'll do that No, it's
Harvey!
I'm fine.
Right O
Good morning, Matthew.
Hiya.
Hello, Joyce. Good morning, Grace.
Good morning. Tom. Hello, Grace.
Hello, ladies.
Morning, Grace.
I'd like a packet of paracetamol,
and I'd like to settle my account.
Oh, no. We've... lost our accounts.
Why don't you pay us next month?
Lost the accounts?
It's very mysterious.
Well. I'll just take the paracetamol.
Here's some.
How much is that?
Oh, five pence.
Special offer.
Thank you.
Right. Thank you.
Bye bye now. Bye bye.
I can extend the overdraft a bit.
And maybe you can find out if there's
a life insurance policy?
Investments?
I don't understand. This must be a mistake.
Your late husband used the house
as an asset to raise capital.
As you have no children, you'll inherit the estate,
but you'll also inherit the mortgage.
Well, that's fine. The house is 300 years old.
The mortgage must be paid off by now.
You don't understand.
He used the house as collateral
for loans to finance business deals,
none of which actually took off.
Well, what about the money he left me?
There isn't any.
And... then there are the mortgage payments.
How much are they?
L2.000 a month.
“I'll be up your flue in a minute or two,
'cause I know where to find it. “
Hey, how are you doing?
Matthew...
I've got some bad news. I'm afraid.
I know.
Have you tried plant food? Tried everything.
They're dying on purpose. I even talk to them.
What do you say? “Would you mind not dying?”
You really are a crap gardener, Matthew.
What do I know about plants? I'm from Glasgow.
I hate this. I really hate this.
Well. somebody else do it.
We're sea pele.
He's not. He's a doctor.
I don't have a fabulous track record
when it comes to keeping things alive.
It's like the signs.
What signs?
“Armageddon
Final conflict.“
A man falls from the sky,
You lose your job, and all the plants are dying.
I meant to do that.
Do you have a stock portfollo, perhaps?
What's that? I don't know.
I just thought you might have one.
Well. No, there's nothing like that.
It's just bills and letters of credit.
I don't understand this. There are accounts here
for companies I've never even heard of.
We've got a Swiss bank account.
There's nothing in it, but we do have one.
Hmm...
I'm sure there's something...
tucked away... somewhere.
Yeah. well. that's what I thought, Gerald.
but, no. There's not.
There's nothing.
What in God's name am I going to do?
You all right? You look peaked.
Fine. I'm... just a bit hung over.
Did we drink that much? I can't remember.
Uhh...
God. you're really ill. You never get hangovers.
I'll be fine once I get on the boat.
I don't think you should go to work.
I think you should see the doctor.
I can't see anyone without an appointment.
Tea? Yes. please.
Hey, what are you doing? Get off of there!
Given your recent troubles.
we rather thought you'd want to cancel.
It's only a tea party. We could have it anywhere.
But we always have it here.
It's tradition.
I 've been working on a new hybrid
Phalansis pathedilum. It's beautiful.
All right, ladies. back to business.
Do we invite Dr. Bamford.
given his disgraceful display last year?
No!
Come on. sir, off the mower!
What's going on?
Afternoon. Mrs. Trevethan. Hello, Bob, Terry.
How's your mum's hip?
Oh. much better, thanks.
They want to take the lawn mower.
Well. it's not us. It's the finance company.
There haven't been any payments.
Well. you better take it, then.
I'm really sorry.
Matthew.
Matthew, you don't have to do this.
It's allright.
You've paid me to the end of the week.
I don't believe he even lied about the lawn mower.
He lied about everything.
Couldn't you get a job?
What could I do?
Well. you could...
You want a cup of tea or something?
No, thank you.
Matthew... I'm really sorry about your job.
Oh. that's all right.
You're gonna have to get a goat.
lf there's anything else I can do?
Actually, I was hing you would say that.
Why?
Grace, you are the best gardener in the world.
I've got some plants that are really sick.
They desperately need help. Well. where are they?
What?
Ah hhgh !
Shh.
Why are you whispering?
I don't want to wake up any squirrels. Just through here.
In here.
Are these Gerald's plants?
No, no. They're mine.
I think I may have overwatered them.
I'm not stupid. Matthew.
I know what this is.
What is it?
Hemp.
Is it?
Aye, it's hemp.
Well. they're not getting enough light.
They're never going to grow in the dark.
I didn't really want anybody to see them.
Well. you wouldn't, would you?
No.
Now, if you want these poor things to grow,
they need some decent soil and some better light,
Okay, thanks.
Come on. then...
Let's take one back to the greenhouse,
see what we can do.
You may not want to do that.
I'm a gardener. These are sick plants.
All right.
Come on ! Quick, quick!
Where have you been?
It's brilliant, Nicky. I've saved the plants.
How? I called in an expert.
Who?
The best gardener in the world.
Grace.
Grace?
Yeah. It's fantastic. She's doing it
as compensation for having to lay me off.
Isn't that nice? I don't know.
What do you mean. you don't know?
Hasn't she got enough problems without getting into drugs?
What are you talking about, “drugs”?
Matthew, you know what I'm talking about.
It's still illegal.
She's very vulnerable just now.
He you're not taking advantage of her.
I'm doing this for us!
Is this your way of saying thanks?
No.
I've got a much better way.
Congratulations. Mr. Stewart.
You are tonight's lucky Scotsman.
Well. I either am or I'm not.
No, no, you definitely are pregnant indeed.
Is that a good thing?
Yes.
Yeah. it's brilllant.
Any idea who the father is?
I think Iknow. I looked at the test slldes.
Some of the chromosomes had littlekilts on them.
Very funny.
I do have some bad news. though.
What?
There's a slight risk of ginger hair.
Piss off.
How are all our plants doing?
Oh. um...
He's called in an expert.
Oh. Sounds good.
Look, don't mention the baby yet, okay?
I just want to tell him
when the time is right.
What baby?
Have a sweetie.
Will she live, Doctor?
I think so.
Where did these seeds come from?
Guy in a pub in Bodmin.
No.
I mean. what kind are they?
Oh. They're indica sativa hybrids.
Purple haze with early pearl crossed with ruderalls.
Yes. well. anyway, they're designed to grow
in a very sunny climate.
If you say so.
Is it the bud the bit you're after?
Yeah.
Look.
What is it?
That's the start of a new bud.
You did that in 24 hours?
You're a witch. Oh. it's not me, really.
It's just a question of having enough light.
No light, no buds. Simple.
Yes?
Hello. Is it all right if I park there?
Yes. Dogs?
Dogs. Do you have dogs?
Postmen and surveyors. irresistible to our canine friends.
No, there's no dogs. Good o.
Oh. yes. yes. yes. Fabulous home.
Can I help you?
No, no. I'm fine on me own. Tea's always nice.
I'm sorry, I don'tknow why you're here.
I think you've come to the wrong house.
Oh. I'm sorry. NigeI Plimpton.
Trevethan? Liac house?
Evaluation for Ramptons Re debts Outstanding?
It's standard procedure before a house is put up for auction.
But the house isn't up for auction.
Ah...
Well. I'm afraid it will be.
U h. here, look.
Pele in... your position
often st ening their mail.
so I'm the first real proof it's all happening.
I think I'd like you to leave, please.
Well. I'm sorry. I can't.
I really must do this.
I'd like you to leave as well.
Call the office to reschedule.
Thank you.
Ramptons is an enormous investment trust.
John's syndicate took a huge tumble.
I had no idea
he had business interests in the city.
Yes. but how much do I owe them?
If you don't pay the money owing.
they can claim any or all
of your assets.
And this. of course, would include
the house.
How much do I owe them. Melvyn?
£300.000.
Approximately.
Bastard.
Matthew?
Yeah?
You know that plant I'm looking after for you?
U h huh.
How much is it worth?
Oh. it hasn't died. has it?
No, no, no. It's thriving.
I just, um...
wondered how much you'd get for it.
Ounce for ounce,
the really good stuff's worth more than gold.
Greenhouse. Now!
Okay.
Here's what I think.
We take cuttings from the mother plant,
root the cuttings and grow them under lights. hydronically,
go straight to budding.
We could have the first harvest in a matter of weeks.
I could clear what you need in the first run. probably more.
Could do it in the time you've got.
You haven't given it any thought, then?
You can't tell anybody.
All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small...
It's just started.
We've got at least an hour.
...the Lord God made them all...
Sorry.
Oh. do be reasonable.
That piece is worth that alone.
I'm being very fair, Mrs. T.
Very good price I'm giving you.
Well. it's daylight robbery.
What else have you got?
Come up and see me
make me smile
I'll do what you want
running wild...
There's nothing left
all gone and run away
Maybe you'll tarry
for a while...
Is it this blue one, Jack?
That's right.
It's just a test
a game for us to play...
Hi. Grace.
Hello, Nicky.
I haven't seen you for days.
You okay? Yes. Busy.
What are you doing?
Building a fence, keep out the rabbits.
With electrical wire?
It's electric fence.
Okay. Is Matt up at the house?
It's just I've got to see him about something.
No, he's out. He's...
looking for a transformer...
for the electric fence.
If you do see him. will you tell him
that I'll meet him in the pub at 7:00?
Yeah. righty o.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Good book, is it?
Oh. Jackie Colllns.
I'm reading a kafka at the moment.
Not very funny.
Except the one about that bloke
that turns into a beetle. That's a bit wacky.
Wouldn't get anybody turning into a beetle
in a Jackie Colllns.
Might get someone sleeping with a beetle.
He wrapped her up
in his stick like arms. all six of them.
tapping her sensuously on the head
with his wiggly woggly aerials. “
That's it.
lf he comes in now, tell him I left in a huff.
All right, love.
' N ight.
Probably lying on your couch at home asleep.
Yeah. you're right.
Sorry.
It gives me great pleasure
to ask “ Dame Reggae Spllff” of Port Llac
to switch on this year's illumination. 460
Thank you. thank you. thank you.
When I die and they lay me to rest
gonna go to the place that's the best
When they lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Spirit in the sky...
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
Where are you?
Here we are. Good thing.
Keep your eyes shut.
...gonna go to the place that's the best
It were up at the 'ouse. I swear it.
I told you.
That's a lot of llght.
Let's call the pollce.
And the R.A. F. They'll wanna be included.
Let's not.
Let's just go back into the pub.
There's something I want to discuss with you two.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
We've gotta get to the house, to save Grace!
Yeah. Iknow what's causing the llghts.
J ust come back into the pub.
I s it gonna blow?
No, I don't think so.
That's it.
Well. how do youknow?
I 've seen it before in Amsterdam.
years ago when I was on a medicaI study
studying something medical.
So that's their plan. then?
Well. from what Matt's been saying.
and putting two and two together, I reckon so, yeah.
Kind of warms the heart, Grace carrying on the locaI tradition
of complete and utter contempt for the law.
Makes you proud.
Did you try that stuff, Doctor?
Once at university. Didn't inhale.
Evening.
Drinking after hours. Charlle?
Oh. private party, Sergeant.
Lagavulln? 16 year old.
Just a small one.
Any of you noticed those llghts out towards Llac house?
No.
Any luck with those poachers?
Oh. I'll get them. Just a matter of time.
Crime never pays.
Certainly. Yeah.
Where have you been?
Nowhere.
What you been up to? Nothing.
Well. I'm glad we got that cleared up.
I was working up at the house. I lost track of time.
I'm sorry.
I waited for ages in the pub.
Didn't Grace tell you?
She did. I was really, really busy.
I'm really, really sorry.
Look, I 've got something to tell you.
I 've got something to tell you too. Sit down.
Let me tell you first. Mine's really quite good.
So's mine.
All right, you go first.
No, you go first.
All right.
I'm moving the plants up to Llac house.
We're gonna grow them up there really quickly.
There's this speciaI way of growing called hydronics.
Youknow how Grace is a really good gardener?
It's gonna get us out of all our money problems.
“ U s”? Well. me and Grace.
It's simple, it's perfect. We sell it!
And anything we make over what she needs. we splIt 50 50.
Look, it's extreme, but it's smart.
I don't want to leave here to get work,
and this way, I get to stay.
U ntiI you go to jail. I'm not going to jail.
Matthew, smoking weed is one thing.
Large scale cuItivation is another.
I'm surprised at Grace. It's really stupid.
No, it's not really stupid. It's really smart.
I think it'd be different if it was your idea.
Yeah. you're right.
When you're being chased around your prison cell
by a 1 6 stone bank robber with a stiffy,
I'll be here thinking. “Why couldn't it have been me?
Why couldn't I have had that brilllant idea?”
you've been bleating on about how unhappy you are
about losing your job, and what's your solution?
Crime.
You get in deeper,
and you drag Grace down with you.
Matthew, you are such an idiot!
What's your news. then?
Doesn't matter.
Hello? Hello, Mrs. Trevethan?
It's Quentin Rhodes here, from Ramptons.
It's about our surveyor. He's rather upset.
Velly solly.
Long rumbah.
Get both of those.
So, she sort of goes through there, you see?
All right.
Mrs. Trevethan.
Hello.
Have you met my friend. Tony?
Hello.
My name is Tony. I'm from Scandinavia.
Oh...
congratulations.
Tony, could you go and get one of those
giant bags ofkitty lItter?
He doesn't taIk much.
H mm. does he have to?
Grace... 578
have you read any of my letters?
I'm sorry, no...
but I'm working on a lIttle plan.
I mean. it's a bit soon to taIk about it just now,
but see, I don't want to jinx it.
Grace, I can't do any more to hold them off.
It's gone up to head office, and they don'tknow you.
All they see is a middle aged woman
with huge debts and no income.
What are you going to do? 588
I'm becoming a drugs dealer.
Grace...
I'm serious.
Thank you. Tony.
You will phone me, won't you?
Yes. Righty o.
Come on. Tony.
Honey Chambers?
44 Wilberforce Street,
London. S.W. 3?
He had me post his letters.
I never got any.
Would you like a drink?
Do you have any children?
No. I'm not very maternal. I'm afraid.
I couldn't have any.
No. Iknow.
Gosh. youknow a lot.
Can I ask you another question?
lf you want.
How did you ce with sex?
Sex?
Sex.
What a nightmare.
It was exhausting !
Oh. God. it was so frustrating !
TaIk about flogging a dead horse!
No?
Not really.
What did you do, then?
Well. I don't think we should really be taIking about it.
No, please. I 'd like toknow.
l...
I ce cream.
What? Pardon?
I ce cream.
I sucked it from his fingertips.
It drove him wild.
I had to pretend to pass out to get any rest at all.
He was insatiable.
I think he thought you weren't interested.
He was wrong.
It's a beautiful house.
Yes.
I think I 'd like you to leave, now.
He did love you.
And don't patronize me.
Look, if you ever want to taIk
Yeah.
Iknow the address.
Matthew?
Mm hmm?
Will you give me one?
What?
I want toknow what it feels like.
Please?
Grace, um...
lf I'm growing it and selllng it,
I shouldknow the effect it has.
Oh. Yeah.
Of course you should. No, not here!
Come on. let's get it over and done with.
Calm down. There's no one about. Relax.
I can't feel anything.
Hey, hey, hey.
Slow down.
I s this addictive?
It's not crack.
Are you sure this works?
Oh. yes.
What?
Nothing.
Yeah. What?
What?
Matthew, it's you.
You're Scottish.
Yeah? Thank you.
God. I love it here.
You feellng any better?
Still feellng a lIttle bit dizzy.
You hungry?
Oh. God. yes. I hadn't thought of that.
I'm ravenous !
Yes. I float so free...
None too mystically
You're a cat, I'm a bird
So catch me while you can...
What made you decide to do this?
44 Wilberforce Street, S.W. 3.
Mrs. Trevethan. please don't put the phone down
... please don't put the phone down.
Problem?
Thanks.kelly. I 've been trying to get through
to this Trevethan woman for most of my llfe.
Phone, letters...
What is that woman doing down there?
I don'tknow what's wrong. She's been really moody recently.
Maybe she just doesn't approve.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The only other tion was going back to Glasgow.
She didn't want that, either. Neither did l.
My uncle Willle's got a building site there.
Yeah? What's he build?
U h. houses.
Down there. What? Okay.
I play a good game but not as good as you
I can be a lIttle cold. but you can be so cruel...
Five... four...
three... two... one...
Now the damage is done
Well. there's blood in these veins
and I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks could deceive
Make it hard to belleve
I'm only human
on the inside
I thought you'd come through
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
But you go to extremes
You push me too far
Then youkeep going till you break my heart
Yeah. you break my heart
See, I bleed and I bruise
Oh. but what's it to you? I'm only human...
Ahoy!
Hey.
What do you want?
I brought lunch.
Cornish pasties. I'mkidding.
Fish. You brought me fish?
Well. I thought it'd be a nice change.
What are you doing here?
You never come on the boat.
I was beginning to wonder what you looked like.
I was always going to bed when you get up.
It's the tides.
It's not the tides.
I really don't like what you're doing.
Iknow.
I don't want to be in a relationship
with someone who's irresponsible.
Yes. you do. I 've been irresponsible my whole llfe.
Well. it's time you changed.
Why?
You're getting old.
Fuck getting old ! These are laugh llnes !
Nothing's that funny.
I don't understand. I thought you liked me the way I am.
I do.
But things change, and you have to change with them.
Fish and chips.
Fantastic.
Great. Wait a few minutes...
till “ Funboy” Buxton will be here with more wacky fun
with the afternoon crew, but first, it's 1 2 : 00.
time for the news headllnes.
Pollce are celebrating a major victory
in the war on drugs today.
Two men and one woman
were found guiIty at BristoI Crown Court
after pollce discovered marijuana
with an estimated street value of half a milllon pounds
hidden in a barn on their family farm.
Sentencing them to 1 5 year jaiI sentences.
the judge
Hello.
Yeah.
You all right?
Fine.
No, I just wondered. youknow,
when you didn't come into the pub last night.
I'm not drinking at the moment.
Are you angry with me?
No. I'm angry at Matthew.
It's his fauIt.
It was my decision to do it.
I'm trying to save my house.
Everybodyknows what you're doing.
Pretty soon you'll have the pollce up there.
They'll never find out.
Grace, your greenhouse llghts up like a spaceship.
Pele aren't stupid.
We're nearly done now. He could be in jaiI tomorrow.
Why aren't you drinking?
I just don't feel like it.
He doesn'tknow, does he?
How can I help?
Don't let him go to jail.
Our mutant buds
will soon be ready, Great One.
We can release them into the atmosphere
and take over the entire planet!
Do you reallze what we've done here?
This is fabulous !
It's time for me to go to London. get a dealer.
Oh. no you're not.
You're staying here. I'm going.
What?
That's my decision.
Grace, I don't think you reallze
what you're deallng with here.
The last time you were in London was five years ago
for the Chelsea flower show.
You can't sell this stuff through a florist.
What's your master plan. then?
Well. I was gonna go up Portobello Road. or Notting H ill
or something like that, find a dealer, and sell it.
Yeah. Rubbish !
It's better than what you've got, which is nothing !
You have to blend in. Grace.
A drug dealer will take one look at you
andknow there was something fishy going on.
With the greatest respect, I'm the hip one.
You're a wee bit more “hip replacement. “
One more word out of you.
and I'm gonna throw the whole lot into the sea.
I don't think you're thinking this through !
I mean it. You are not the boss of me!
We're partners !
The checks bounced. remember?
Women like cuddly toys. don't they?
They like to hug them and squeeze them.
and poke their eyes out,
and rip their fucking llmbs off.
I avoid confrontation. Iknow it.
But if you grew up in Glasgow in the 1 970s.
you'd avoid it, too. I want an easy llfe.
I want to grow some vegetables.
smoke some reefer, sing some carols at Christmas.
and whoknows? One day I 'd like to be a dad
and raise a couple of calm fucking children.
but that's it. I 've fucking had enough.
I'm going. No more “Mr. Cuddly toy. “
I'm not hanging around to be a whipping boy for “Ganja Grace”
and “Captain N icky, “ the fucking lobster queen !
I'm fuckin' gone, I'm gone, I'm gone.
I'm fucking out of here. But see, before I go,
I'm gonna see both of these women
and give them both a piece of my mind.
Are you done?
Good shot.
Moron !
Can I show you something privately?
It's ever so nice.
Come on. let's go.
I don'tknow who you are.
I'm not interested.
Come on.
Come here.
I 've got something really tasty.
Are you looking for something?
Know what I mean?
All right, love. H in.
Hello.
Excuse me? Excuse me.
Yo. Yo.
Nah.
I love it here.
It's so quiet.
lf you think this is quiet, you should see Evensong.
I wish I were a Cathollc sometimes.
I ncense, nice costumes...
A lot to be said for it, really.
They have confession. too.
I 've got some friends...
and I think they're going to get into a lot of trouble,
and I don'tknow what to do.
Don't suppose you can go to the pollce?
Thought not.
lf you have to commit a crime...
to get what you want,
then you're not meant to have it.
I don'tknow if I'm worried
more for them. or worried for myself.
lf one has a problem
that seems to be unsolvable...
then perhaps one shouldn't try to solve it.
One should accept it.
What do you mean?
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can.
and the wisdom toknow the difference. “
The wisdom's the hard part.
Mmm...
I like Matthew.
He's a good soul...
for a Scotsman.
What on earth did you think you were doing?
You can't just go hanging around nasty pubs like that.
You're bound to get into trouble.
Look, if you're trying to meet a man.
Iknow some much better places.
I wasn't trying to meet a man.
Keep waIking.
Get out of here! You'll get arrested !
I need to taIk.
Have you seen N icky?
No. Where the hell have you been?
Grace had to get Harvey to watch the plants.
What?
I took her to the station this morning.
She's gone to London.
Oh. fuck!
Where are we going?
44 Wilberforce Street, S.W. 3.
Why don't you get your young Scottish friend to help?
Surely he'd have a better idea how to go about it?
No, his girlfriend's pregnant.
He can't get into trouble.
I just want you to ring a dealer, that's all.
No.
Grace, it's mad. You'll end up in jail.
I'm not going to give up.
Call a dealer.
How do youknow that Iknow one?
On one condition
that you let me lend you an outfit that's...
not that.
Kelly. Sir?
Get me the times of trains to Cornwall tomorrow.
Yes. sir.
Draw... spllff...
Puff...
Shit...
Yes. thank you.
Call it what you will.
but it's my bellef
it is the door to enllghtenment.
I n your own time?
And now, the acid test.
Jesus !
I'll give you 60 quid for it.
Don't be silly!
70?
No, that's just a sample.
I 've got 20kilos.
20kilos. Grace? !
No, no, no, no, no.
You've got the wrong man.
I mean. I run a llmited eration.
You're taIking... You're taIking big leagues.
Well. you just got promoted.
I don't have thatkind of money.
Well. do youknow anybody who does?
Well...
I 've heard of someone.
Call him.
He's a bit heavy. He's not like us.
He's not...
laid back.
Call him.
Come on. Honey!
There she is. No, wait, wait!
You don'tknow who the guy is I don't care who he is.
He may be a drug dealer! You can't wander into that!
You've gotten so bossy!
You're so insensitive! That could be dangerous !
They're getting away now!
Well. follow them. you dozy quack!
J ust like a window display at Harvey N ick's.
There's a rave tonight. We hold them here.
What's a rave?
Grace!
Ah. merde!
What have you brought me, China?
Two ladies. and the fucking hippie.
What do they want?
Touche! Sur la tete!
You like to fish?
Yes. Where I llve, the fishing's wonderful.
I hate it here.
The fishing is terrible.
I should visit you.
Where do you llve?
What's your name?
Grace.
Perfect.
Hello?
Cooey.
Grace?
Funny smell.
Who's that?
Oh !
Harvey! Where's Grace?
We've come to finallze the details
of the women's institute visit. Grace invited us to supper.
It was arranged ages ago.
You got to get out.
No. We have to speak to Grace.
No, you have to leave.
It's the plants. you see.
They're very dellcate.
They're speciaI orchids from Peru.
Oh. these aren't orchids.
Aren't they? No.
They look more like tea.
Tea? Mmm.
Tea. What a good idea.
Let's... let's go in thekitchen.
and I'll make you a lovely cup of tea.
Well. I was expecting supper.
There's some ham left out.
I canknock you up a sandwich.
And what is that funny smell?
Well. it's probably the ham. It's been left out a bit,
but it'll be all right.
Mmm.
Where did you get it?
The pele I represent wish to remain anonymous.
Ah. yes.
The pele I represent wish to remain anonymous as well.
Maybe they are the same pele, huh?
Can I go now?
I 've got to pick me daughter up from flute practice.
How much do you have?
A lot. Are you buying?
Why don't I just take it?
You don'tknow where it is.
Ah. yeah.
I'm sure I can get you to tell me.
What if I cut off your fingers
one by one...
untiI you change your mind?
Ohh...
All right! Nobody move! I'm the pollce!
The whole place is surrounded !
And you would be?
Hello, everyone.
Martin Bamford. Are we too early for the rave?
I can't wait.
I just love... raving.
This has nothing to do with me. Shut up, beardy weirdy.
Who's this guy?
That's my doctor.
This one?
My gardener.
Oh. nice.
Are we expecting anyone else?
No.
Your cleaning lady, perhaps?
No, no, no. No one else.
Very well.
This is China. He beats pele up for me.
Shall I ?
No, no! Please!
Matthew, take Dr. Bamford and Honey
and wait for me outside.
Please.
Please?
Excuse me.
Grace?
J ust wait for me outside.
Shall I go, too?
No.
Sit down. please.
All the pele I deaI with are scum.
I'm a lIttle scummy myself.
You're not scum.
That worries me.
I take exception to that.
I come from a long llne of scum.
My dear late husband was one of the scummiest men
to waIk the face of this earth.
My apologies.
Yes. let's get to it, shall we?
Three and a half akilo.
20kilos in the first week,
and then 1 0kilos two weeks later. 1059
After that we can do 20kilos
every four weeks.
Three for akilo. And no more deals
untiI I see the first batch.
Three and a quarter.
Done.
Oh. thank you !
You're welcome.
Can I offer you a glass of wine?
I can't belleve your friend fainted.
Do I look like I would cut someone's finger off?
Oh. yes.
Thank you.
Are you sure you're going to be all right?
Never feIt better, Honey.
Now, headache pill. straight to bed.
Don't go over any bumps.
Good luck!
Come on. boys.
What do you think?
I'm not sure.
Follow them.
What'll I do with the hippie?
Take him.
I can't.
My old lady's expecting me.
We're having a “ Dungeons and Dragons” night.
It's the regionaI final.
lf thatknife had sllpped. I 'd be a dead man.
There'd be a dead body driving this car back to Cornwall.
Don't be so stupid. He was bluffing.
Look, as long as we have the merchandise,
we have the power.
Excuse me, do Iknow you?
What are you taIking about, “merchandise and power”?
Look at you ! Look at the way you're dressed !
You're like Ma fucking Baker!
Language! Don't you “language” me!
I nearly got my fucking throat cut for you !
Well. you're not even supposed to be here.
Fine! Go ahead and do it yourself with Jacques fucking Cousteau then !
I'm out! What?
I can't find Grace's plants anywhere.
This tea has the most extraordinary aroma.
Darjeellng?
Trevethan.
Oh. Diana. you never...
J ust a lIttle cutting.
I do love fresh tea.
So do l. dear.
Give it here.
Oh. that's lovely.
I'm sorry for shouting at you.
How else am I going to get the money?
I don'tknow.
It's N icky.
N icky doesn't want to be in a relationship
with somebody who's irresponsible.
And I don't want to be in a relationship
with somebody who isn't N icky.
Ooh. that's better!
Ready for my breakfast now.
Come on !
For Christ's sake.
Okay, when we get back, we harvest the plants.
and we get the stuff up to your paI in London
and we never do it again. okay?
Thank you.
We do it quick as well.
I don't want another knife at my throat.
Do youknow, this is the site
of the new prosed B 323.
due for completion early 2004.
I can't belleve you lost 'em.
I mean. how could you have lost 'em?
It's not as if there's a lot of traffic about!
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm not a career criminal.
I don't have taillng abilIties.
Are you getting llppy with me?
Don't start getting llppy with me!
Right. I'm just trying to make the best of it.
lf we're gonna come all the way down here,
we might as well enjoy a day out.
Get in the car.
J ust shut up and get in the car!
You need to sort out some sort of...
anger management when you get home.
Harvey?
Grace.
You forgot about your meeting with the W. l.
They went in the greenhouse. It's all right,
I bluffed them.
And... N icky was here.
What did you tell her?
That you went to London with Dr. Bamford
to help Grace sell the drugs.
Oh. shit.
Grace, I have to go and see her.
That's all right, don't worry.
Harvey and I will start on the greenhouse.
Come on. Harvey.
Thanks. this'll do fine.
Do youknow where Llac house is.
Mrs. Trevethan? No.
Ah. I'll ask around. Try the sh.
Keep the change. Right o.
Thank you.
Hello, anybody home?
Hello?
May I help you?
Shh !
Would you like some cornflakes?
They're heavenly.
U h. no, thank you. I 've already eaten.
Would you like...
A choccy icey?
I'm. uh. looking for Llac house.
I'm trying to contact Grace Trevethan.
I love Grace.
I really, really love her.
She's an angel.
She has wonderfuI hair
soft and siIky,
like a lovely... Angora rabbit's.
Right.
Where do I find her?
She llves...
in a lovely, lovely house.
I love her.
And how do I get to the lovely, lovely house?
U p the lovely, lovely hill.
Lovely... lovely...
lovely...
Oh. no!
One... two... three!
N icky!
N icky, I'm sorry I did something illegaI !
I'm gonna get a prer job!
What?
I'm ready to be responsible!
I love you !
I can't hear you. Matthew! What are you saying?
I love you ! !
I love you !
I'm pregnant!
What?
I'm having a baby!
No, no, no! Don't!
Get out of the water! You're pregnant!
No, no, no, no!
You can't swim ! You're pregnant!
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
This is no accident to me
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
It's no coincidence to me
Aa ahh !
Yeah ! 1222
Mrs. Trevethan? It's Quentin Rhodes.
Harvey, I cannot see that person.
Not now. You've got to get rid of him !
What do I say? I don'tknow!
Tell him anything ! Tell him I'm still in London.
tell him I 've been kidnapped by allens.
anything !
Charlle, whiskey!
Thank God. I 've been trying to reach you at the house.
No one will answer the bloody phone!
What's wrong?
There were two men here Londoners
asking about Grace.
I thought maybe Customs.
That's them.
Oh. shit! What?
They're not Customs. They're drug dealers from London.
Well. I was right about London.
Charlle, come with me. We'll go to the house.
N icky, go and wake Dr. Bamford. Meet us up there.
Give me all these! What's the matter with you?
Get up there!
How many times have I got to tell you...
Alfred? What is it?
The two men who own this car,
they were just in the pub.
I overheard them taIking about salmon poaching.
how much they enjoyed it.
Really? Yeah.
Well. thanks. N icky. There could be
a community service reward in this for you.
Thanks.
I 've gotta go.
I'm pregnant.
Oh. yes. yes. of course.
What are they doing here? They're not on hollday, Grace.
But Jacques said one week!
Well. he lled.
Oh. Quentin Rhodes is here.
Who the fuck is Quentin Rhodes?
Harvey's holding him off. What are we going to do?
Let's get rid of this stuff, and get this thing over with.
Jesus !
U p the hill.
Second house on the left.
5 7 to base. Suspects under surveillance.
Cy that. On our way.
Mrs. Trevethan?
Grace, I 've just come to warn you.
There are two men around here
who are part of a salmon
It's parsley.
It's marijuana. isn't it?
Yes.
Iknew you and Matthew were growing it,
but I got no idea...
Youknew?
Well. I llve around here, don't I ?
But seeing as how you had financiaI troubles.
I thought I 'd turn a bllnd eye to...
a bit of homegrown.
But, Grace...
this is a huge amount.
It's good stuff too, isn't this?
Better than that shit
you were growing up at the vicarage.
Youknew about that?
Mmm.
Alfred... I n a few minutes.
we'll have got rid of it.
Can't you turn your bllnd eye
just a lIttle bit longer?
It's not so much me, Grace.
It's the officers on their way from H Q
which worry me.
God ! What are we going to do?
lf I were you.
I 'd get rid of this stuff bloody quick.
I'm gonna go and look for poachers.
Excuse me a moment.
Ahem !
Who are you?
He asked first.
I'm here to do some business...
with Mrs. Trevethan.
Oh. yeah?
Well. so are we.
Really?
Are you interested in buying the prerty,
or do you have...
a claim on it in some way?
What is this?
Well. there it is.
We did it.
We did. didn't we?
There's another two men here.
What are we gonna do?
Skin up.
Even you can't smoke all of it.
I could try.
Maybe nobody should have the bloody stuff.
All right.
Thank you. Matthew.
You're welcome, Grace.
Put that match out!
Look, I don'tknow what's going on. but...
I think you'd better put it out.
That is the most beautiful and awesome thing
I 've ever seen in my llfe.
Ow!
Hello, Mrs. Trevethan.
I he we're not too early.
Who the hell are you?
Os.
Shit!
Aah !
Ladies...
Look, ladies ladies. no, no, no!
Go on. you two. Make a run for it.
What about you. Grace?
Don't worry about me. I can handle this.
No, we did this together. I'm staying.
Look, I love you both very much indeed.
but, Matthew... you're fired.
Come on.
Argh ! St it!
Get off, get off!
That's it, man ! You arrest him.
Whoa. whoa. whoa !
What are you arresting me for?
No, madam ! St there!
Right.
Wait! Wait!
Hello, Grace.
Wow!
I trusted you.
Whatever happened to honor amongst thieves?
What about our deal?
It's nice to see you too.
Can't even do your own dirty work.
“ Dirty work”?
Why did you send in your boys?
Tokeep an eye on you.
To st you from coming to any harm.
Do you expect me to belleve that?
It's the truth.
I he I haven't spoiled everything.
Were you trying to escape?
Maybe... I could help.
No, thank you.
Mrs. Trevethan !
Grace! 1375
Those fingers through my hair
That sly come hither stare...
That strips my conscience bare
It's witchcraft
And I 've got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
What good would common sense for it do?
'Cause it's witchcraft
Witchcraft
I like it here.
And although I know
It's strictly taboo...
Is this the face of a master criminal?
Tonight we investigate the mystery
behind Grace Trevethan.
How did an unknown widow facing bankruptcy
save her house and become the most celebrated
and controversiaI novellst of the year?
Mrs. Trevethan's novel. “The Joint Venture, “
has tped the best seller llst for over a year now.
But aIthough the book is sold as fiction.
the story bears a remarkable similarity
to Trevethan's own llfe.
And her recent marriage to a mysterious french businessman
has fueled tabloid speculation
that she was at one time
actually involved with the drug trade.
So, what is the true story?
We went to the sleepy village of Port Llac to find out.
Turn it up, Charlle. Turn it up.
Wasn't there an incident up at Llac house?
The pollce were called to the house
but there was a problem with witnesses.
No one wanted to taIk?
Nobody could remember anything.
Excuse me.
We think it's fiction. don't we, dear?
Yes.
Because in the book,
Grace was growing drugs.
but in reaI llfe, she was growing tea !
Well. as a doctor, uh. a man of science...
Obviously I could never condone the use of a drug
for nontherapeutic, um... thingy.
Psst, psst, psst.
Have you got anything?
See me later. Okay.
It's good. I s it?
Oh. yeah ! Oh.
I must say, it does seem strange
that alcohoI is legal and marijuana...
U h. isn't.
An accident of history, I suppose.
So you didn't have any marijuana
growing in your garden?
Bless you.
So do you think “The Joint Venture”
is fiction or fact?
No, it's all fiction.
My wife has a very fertile imagination. thank God.
But what about the gangster character, “Pedro”?
I s that based on you?
Pedro is Spanish. I'm French. Don't be absurd.
No, but we've heard It's time for you to go.
Get off my land. I said ! This my house!
Yet Mrs. Trevethan refused to be interviewed
for this program...
...and to date has made no publlc statement
about the rumors. Tonight may change that
as we take you llve, to the New York Book Awards.
where Grace Trevethan has been shortllsted
for “The Joint Venture. “
And the winner of the award for fiction goes to...
Grace Trevethan
for “The Joint Venture” !
What a surprise!
Shh ! Shh !
You'd think I 'd be used to surprises
after everything that's happened to me.
Iknow there's been a lot of speculation about
whether my book is based on fact or fiction.
but...
well... to tell you the truth.
if I told you everything that's happened to me
over the past couple of years.
you wouldn't belleve me anyway.
I can hardly belleve it myself.
Oh...
Oh. I he they're watching this at home,
because...
I wanted to say...
Matthew...
I wanted to tell you
that I think you are a terrible gardener...
but that you've helped me to grow,
and for that...
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I he you're all having a wonderfuI party...
Oh. and I 've had another idea.
and I think there might be a book in it.
Thank you.
Sometimes there's no explanation
Only what you feel
And I knew you'd always be here
Watching over me
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falling down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Oh oh
It's meant to be
This is no accident, you see
You're turning my world upside down
My head is spinning
with the clouds
I 'd gladly give you all of me
'Cause some things can't wait
for eternity
No longer playing with daydreams
No longer waiting for maybes
And now I know you would save me
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
It's meant to be
This is no accident, you see
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Sometimes there's no explanation
Only what you feel
And Iknew you'd always be here
Watching over me
There's no point in hesitating
When you have something so reaI
So just run with your emotions
Before they disappear
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
This is no accident to me
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
It's no coincidence to me
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Sometimes there's no explanation
Only what you feel
And I knew you'd always be here
Watching over me
There's no point in hesitating
When you have something so real
You just run with your emotions
Before they disappear
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three