1 00:00:46,006 --> 00:00:50,682 "Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. 2 00:00:50,766 --> 00:00:54,361 "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort... 3 00:00:54,446 --> 00:00:59,122 "which could only be broken by love's first kiss. 4 00:00:59,206 --> 00:01:01,436 "She was locked away in a castle... 5 00:01:01,526 --> 00:01:05,565 "guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. 6 00:01:05,646 --> 00:01:09,844 "Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, 7 00:01:09,926 --> 00:01:12,565 "but none prevailed. 8 00:01:12,646 --> 00:01:14,716 "She waited in the dragon's keep... 9 00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:17,604 "in the highest room of the tallest tower... 10 00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:22,043 for her true love and true love's first kiss". 11 00:01:22,126 --> 00:01:24,959 Like that's ever gonna happen. 12 00:01:25,046 --> 00:01:28,641 What a load of... 13 00:01:28,726 --> 00:01:33,117 44 00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,437 - Go! - Go! 45 00:03:02,526 --> 00:03:05,518 - Go. Go. Go. 51 00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:31,843 - Think it's in there? - All right. Let's get it! 52 00:03:31,926 --> 00:03:34,565 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? 53 00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:37,479 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. 54 00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:41,354 Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. 55 00:03:41,446 --> 00:03:45,325 Now, ogres... They're much worse. 56 00:03:45,406 --> 00:03:48,204 They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. 57 00:03:48,286 --> 00:03:50,277 - No! - They'll shave your liver. 58 00:03:50,366 --> 00:03:53,483 Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! 59 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,000 - Actually, it's quite good on toast. - Back! Back, beast! 60 00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:58,122 Back! I warn ya! 61 00:04:00,926 --> 00:04:04,157 Right. 66 00:04:18,406 --> 00:04:22,763 This is the part where you run away. 69 00:04:29,286 --> 00:04:32,198 And stay out! 70 00:04:34,006 --> 00:04:36,964 "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." 72 00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:44,521 All right. This one's full. 73 00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:47,117 Take it away! 74 00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:50,915 - Move it along. Come on! Get up! - Next! 75 00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:53,804 Give me that! Your flying days are over. 76 00:04:53,886 --> 00:04:56,400 That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! 77 00:04:56,486 --> 00:04:59,080 - Get up! Come on! - Twenty pieces. 78 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,441 Sit down there! 79 00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:03,915 Keep quiet! 80 00:05:04,006 --> 00:05:06,759 This cage is too small. 81 00:05:06,846 --> 00:05:08,837 Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. 82 00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:10,837 I can change. Please! Give me another chance! 83 00:05:10,926 --> 00:05:13,201 - Oh, shut up. - Next! 84 00:05:13,286 --> 00:05:16,039 - What have you got? - This little wooden puppet. 85 00:05:16,126 --> 00:05:20,836 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. 86 00:05:20,926 --> 00:05:23,201 Five shillings for the possessed toy. 87 00:05:23,286 --> 00:05:25,277 - Take it away. - Father, please! Don't let them do this! 88 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,197 - Help me! - Next. What have you got? 89 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,800 Well, I've got a talking donkey. 90 00:05:29,886 --> 00:05:34,243 Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. 91 00:05:34,326 --> 00:05:38,080 Oh, go ahead, little fella. 92 00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:39,997 Well? 93 00:05:40,086 --> 00:05:42,680 Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous. 94 00:05:42,766 --> 00:05:46,554 He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... 95 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,114 -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! - No, no, he talks! 96 00:05:49,206 --> 00:05:53,165 He does. I can talk. I love to talk. 97 00:05:53,246 --> 00:05:56,044 I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. 98 00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,560 - Get her out of my sight. - No, no! 99 00:05:58,646 --> 00:06:02,878 I swear! Oh! He can talk! 101 00:06:05,126 --> 00:06:07,401 Hey! I can fly! 102 00:06:07,486 --> 00:06:09,044 - He can fly! - He can fly! 103 00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:12,038 - He can talk! - Ha, ha! That's right, fool! 104 00:06:12,126 --> 00:06:14,276 Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. 105 00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:16,880 You might have seen a house fly, maybe even a super fly, 106 00:06:16,966 --> 00:06:19,878 but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. 110 00:06:26,006 --> 00:06:27,883 Seize him! 111 00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:32,485 After him! He's getting away! 113 00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:43,078 Get him! This way! Turn! 114 00:06:48,086 --> 00:06:50,281 You there. Ogre! 115 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,561 Aye? 116 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:56,559 By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest... 117 00:06:56,646 --> 00:07:02,004 and transport you to a designated... resettlement facility. 118 00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:05,965 Oh, really? You and what army? 121 00:07:16,286 --> 00:07:18,197 Can I say something to you? 122 00:07:18,286 --> 00:07:21,483 Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible! 123 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:27,084 Are you talkin' to... me? 124 00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:30,954 Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! 125 00:07:31,046 --> 00:07:33,640 They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! 126 00:07:33,726 --> 00:07:35,603 They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. 127 00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:37,517 That really made me feel good to see that. 128 00:07:37,606 --> 00:07:40,518 - Oh, that's great. Really. - Man, it's good to be free. 129 00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:45,919 Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? 130 00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:49,157 But, uh, I don't have any friends. 131 00:07:49,246 --> 00:07:51,806 And I'm not goin' out there by myself. 132 00:07:51,886 --> 00:07:54,320 Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 133 00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:56,237 You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. 134 00:07:56,326 --> 00:07:58,442 Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. 136 00:08:02,646 --> 00:08:05,206 Oh, wow! That was really scary. 137 00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:08,835 If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 138 00:08:08,926 --> 00:08:11,918 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! 139 00:08:12,006 --> 00:08:15,078 You almost burned the hair outta my nose, 140 00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:17,885 just like the time... 141 00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:21,515 Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. 142 00:08:21,606 --> 00:08:24,200 Why are you following me? 143 00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:27,720 I'll tell you why. 149 00:08:43,206 --> 00:08:46,118 Stop singing! 150 00:08:46,206 --> 00:08:48,162 It's no wonder you don't have any friends. 151 00:08:48,246 --> 00:08:51,716 Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest. 152 00:08:51,806 --> 00:08:55,719 Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? 154 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:03,523 - Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre. 155 00:09:03,606 --> 00:09:06,678 You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." 156 00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:08,677 Doesn't that bother you? 157 00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:10,802 Nope. 158 00:09:10,886 --> 00:09:13,639 - Really? - Really, really. 159 00:09:13,726 --> 00:09:16,718 - Oh. - Man, I like you. What's your name? 160 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:20,321 Uh, Shrek. 161 00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:23,523 Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? 162 00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:27,485 You got that kind of l-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. 163 00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:31,195 I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. 164 00:09:31,286 --> 00:09:35,120 Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? 165 00:09:35,206 --> 00:09:38,278 That would be my home. 166 00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:41,119 Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. 167 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,835 You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. 168 00:09:44,926 --> 00:09:49,477 I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. 169 00:09:53,086 --> 00:09:55,680 I guess you don't entertain much, do you? 170 00:09:55,766 --> 00:09:57,484 I like my privacy. 171 00:09:57,566 --> 00:10:00,034 You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. 172 00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:02,276 Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. 173 00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:06,120 You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. 174 00:10:09,126 --> 00:10:11,720 - Can I stay with you? - Uh, what? 175 00:10:11,806 --> 00:10:14,274 Can I stay with you, please? 176 00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,561 - Of course! - Really? 177 00:10:16,646 --> 00:10:18,921 - No. - Please! I don't wanna go back there! 178 00:10:19,006 --> 00:10:22,760 You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. 179 00:10:22,846 --> 00:10:25,314 But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! 180 00:10:25,406 --> 00:10:28,398 - Please! Please! - Okay! Okay! 181 00:10:28,486 --> 00:10:30,954 - But one night only. - Ah! Thank you! 182 00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:33,276 - What are you... No! No! - This is gonna be fun! 183 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,197 We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, 184 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,959 and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. 185 00:10:38,046 --> 00:10:41,163 - Oh! - Where do, uh, I sleep? 186 00:10:41,246 --> 00:10:42,918 Outside! 187 00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:45,964 Oh, well, I guess that's cool. 188 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,037 I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, 189 00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:50,401 so I guess outside is best, you know. 190 00:10:50,486 --> 00:10:53,364 Here I go. 191 00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:59,359 Good night. 192 00:10:59,446 --> 00:11:03,280 I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 193 00:11:03,366 --> 00:11:05,926 I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. 194 00:11:06,006 --> 00:11:08,201 By myself, outside. 199 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:17,040 I thought I told you to stay outside. 200 00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:20,641 I am outside. 202 00:12:25,926 --> 00:12:29,555 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? 203 00:12:29,646 --> 00:12:32,035 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. 204 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,957 What a lovely bed. 205 00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:36,276 - Got ya. - I found some cheese. 207 00:12:40,446 --> 00:12:42,914 - Is that you, Gorder? - How did you know? 208 00:12:43,006 --> 00:12:45,804 Enough! What are you doing in my house? 209 00:12:45,886 --> 00:12:47,717 Hey! 211 00:12:50,406 --> 00:12:53,842 - Dead broad off the table. - Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. 213 00:12:57,046 --> 00:12:59,560 What? 214 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:04,197 I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! 215 00:13:04,286 --> 00:13:06,800 What do I have to do to get a little privacy? 216 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,195 No! 217 00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:11,880 No! 218 00:13:11,966 --> 00:13:15,402 No! No! 219 00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:18,284 What? 220 00:13:18,366 --> 00:13:20,197 - Quit it. - Don't push. 222 00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:27,244 What are you doing in my swamp? 223 00:13:27,326 --> 00:13:29,635 Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! 224 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,798 Oh, dear! 226 00:13:34,526 --> 00:13:37,757 All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! 227 00:13:37,846 --> 00:13:40,155 Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! 228 00:13:40,246 --> 00:13:42,123 - Quickly. Come on! - No, no! 229 00:13:42,206 --> 00:13:44,322 No, no. Not there. Not there. 231 00:13:47,846 --> 00:13:50,599 Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. 232 00:13:50,686 --> 00:13:52,677 Oh, gosh, no one invited us. 233 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,234 - What? - We were forced to come here. 234 00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:57,362 - By who? - Lord Farquaad. 235 00:13:57,446 --> 00:14:01,997 He huffed und he puffed und he... signed an eviction notice. 236 00:14:02,086 --> 00:14:04,680 All right. 237 00:14:04,766 --> 00:14:08,839 Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? 238 00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:11,599 Oh, I do. I know where he is. 239 00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:15,235 Does anyone else know where to find him? 240 00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:18,796 - Anyone at all? - Me! Me! 241 00:14:18,886 --> 00:14:20,717 - Anyone? - Oh! Oh, pick me! 242 00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:23,115 Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! 243 00:14:23,206 --> 00:14:26,198 Okay, fine. 244 00:14:26,286 --> 00:14:30,643 Attention, all fairy tale things. 245 00:14:30,726 --> 00:14:35,242 Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. 246 00:14:35,326 --> 00:14:38,875 In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now... 247 00:14:38,966 --> 00:14:41,958 and get you all off my land and back where you came from! 250 00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:52,039 Oh! You! 251 00:14:52,126 --> 00:14:53,957 You're comin' with me. 252 00:14:54,046 --> 00:14:56,276 All right, that's what I like to hear, man. 253 00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:59,995 Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. 254 00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:01,997 I love it! 255 00:15:02,086 --> 00:15:05,123 - Sing it with me, Shrek. - Hey. Oh, oh! 257 00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,997 What did I say about singing? 258 00:15:09,086 --> 00:15:10,917 - Can I whistle? - No. 259 00:15:11,006 --> 00:15:13,679 - Can I hum it? - All right, hum it. 263 00:15:42,246 --> 00:15:45,158 That's enough. He's ready to talk. 267 00:15:57,566 --> 00:15:59,921 Run, run, run, as fast as you can. 268 00:16:00,006 --> 00:16:03,396 You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! 269 00:16:03,486 --> 00:16:06,922 - You're a monster. - I'm not the monster here. You are. 270 00:16:07,006 --> 00:16:11,079 You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. 271 00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,997 Now, tell me! Where are the others? 272 00:16:13,086 --> 00:16:15,520 Eat me! 273 00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:18,404 I've tried to be fair to you creatures. 274 00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:21,842 Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll... 275 00:16:21,926 --> 00:16:24,599 No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. 276 00:16:24,686 --> 00:16:26,597 All right then. Who's hiding them? 277 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:31,806 Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? 278 00:16:31,886 --> 00:16:34,116 - The muffin man? - The muffin man. 279 00:16:34,206 --> 00:16:37,482 Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? 280 00:16:37,566 --> 00:16:40,842 Well, she's married to the muffin man. 281 00:16:40,926 --> 00:16:42,962 - The muffin man? - The muffin man! 282 00:16:43,046 --> 00:16:45,924 She's married to the muffin man. 283 00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,598 My lord! We found it. 284 00:16:47,686 --> 00:16:50,758 Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. 287 00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:08,318 - Magic mirror... - Don't tell him anything! 288 00:17:08,406 --> 00:17:10,636 No! 289 00:17:10,726 --> 00:17:14,321 Evening. 290 00:17:14,406 --> 00:17:16,203 Mirror, mirror, on the wall. 291 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,517 Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? 292 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,074 Well, technically you're not a king. 293 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:25,442 Uh, Thelonius. 294 00:17:25,526 --> 00:17:28,996 - You were saying? - What I mean is, you're not a king yet. 295 00:17:29,086 --> 00:17:32,522 But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. 296 00:17:32,606 --> 00:17:35,484 Go on. 297 00:17:35,566 --> 00:17:39,036 So, just sit back and relax, my lord, 298 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:43,244 because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. 299 00:17:43,326 --> 00:17:46,762 And here they are! 300 00:17:46,846 --> 00:17:51,601 Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. 301 00:17:51,686 --> 00:17:53,836 She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. 302 00:17:53,926 --> 00:17:57,236 Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. 303 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,601 Please welcome Cinderella. 304 00:17:59,686 --> 00:18:03,565 Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. 305 00:18:03,646 --> 00:18:06,240 Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. 306 00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:09,636 Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. 307 00:18:09,726 --> 00:18:13,321 Come on. Give it up for Snow White! 308 00:18:13,406 --> 00:18:15,920 And last, but certainly not least, 309 00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:17,997 bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead... 310 00:18:18,086 --> 00:18:20,520 from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! 311 00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:22,562 But don't let that cool you off. 312 00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:25,683 She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. 313 00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:29,645 Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! 314 00:18:29,726 --> 00:18:32,081 So will it be bachelorette number one, 315 00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:35,522 bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? 316 00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:37,676 - Two! Two! - Three! Three! 317 00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,040 - Two! Two! - Three! 318 00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:41,162 Three? One? Three? 319 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,202 Three! Pick number three, my lord! 320 00:18:43,286 --> 00:18:46,881 Okay, okay, uh, number three! 321 00:18:46,966 --> 00:18:51,517 Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. 323 00:18:55,326 --> 00:18:58,523 Princess Fiona. 324 00:18:58,606 --> 00:19:00,676 She's perfect. 325 00:19:00,766 --> 00:19:03,405 All I have to do is just find someone who can go... 326 00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:05,636 But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. 327 00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:07,557 - I'll do it. - Yes, but after sunset... 328 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,559 Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, 329 00:19:11,646 --> 00:19:15,639 and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! 330 00:19:15,726 --> 00:19:17,842 Captain, assemble your finest men. 331 00:19:17,926 --> 00:19:21,635 We're going to have a tournament. 332 00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:26,124 But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. 333 00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:28,162 I told ya I'd find it. 334 00:19:28,246 --> 00:19:32,205 So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. 335 00:19:32,286 --> 00:19:34,277 That's the place. 336 00:19:34,366 --> 00:19:37,642 Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? 339 00:19:41,726 --> 00:19:43,603 Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. 340 00:19:43,686 --> 00:19:46,439 Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. 341 00:19:47,966 --> 00:19:51,356 Hey, you! 342 00:19:51,446 --> 00:19:54,165 Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. 343 00:19:54,246 --> 00:19:58,000 - I just... I just... 350 00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:28,799 It's quiet. 351 00:20:31,126 --> 00:20:33,321 Too quiet. 353 00:20:35,806 --> 00:20:39,765 - Where is everybody? - Hey, look at this! 366 00:21:24,926 --> 00:21:28,965 Wow! Let's do that again! 367 00:21:29,046 --> 00:21:31,606 No. No. No, no, no! No. 369 00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,201 Brave knights. 370 00:21:36,286 --> 00:21:40,245 You are the best and brightest in all the land. 371 00:21:40,326 --> 00:21:42,635 Today one of you shall prove himself... 372 00:21:42,726 --> 00:21:44,956 All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. 373 00:21:45,046 --> 00:21:46,877 Sorry about that. 374 00:21:46,966 --> 00:21:52,245 That champion shall have the honour... no, no... the privilege... 375 00:21:52,326 --> 00:21:56,205 to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona... 376 00:21:56,286 --> 00:21:59,483 from the fiery keep of the dragon. 377 00:21:59,566 --> 00:22:03,605 If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, 378 00:22:03,686 --> 00:22:06,723 the first runner-up will take his place... 379 00:22:06,806 --> 00:22:09,479 and so on and so forth. 380 00:22:09,566 --> 00:22:14,765 Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. 382 00:22:19,686 --> 00:22:21,995 Let the tournament begin! 384 00:22:27,486 --> 00:22:30,603 What is that? 385 00:22:30,686 --> 00:22:35,077 - It's hideous! - Ah, that's not very nice. 386 00:22:35,166 --> 00:22:37,475 - It's just a donkey. - Huh? 387 00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:40,399 Indeed. Knights, new plan! 388 00:22:40,486 --> 00:22:45,002 The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! 389 00:22:45,086 --> 00:22:48,840 - Get him! - Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. 390 00:22:48,926 --> 00:22:51,121 Go ahead! Get him! 391 00:22:51,206 --> 00:22:54,721 Can't we just settle this over a pint? 392 00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:56,000 Kill the beast! 393 00:22:56,086 --> 00:23:00,364 No? All right then. 394 00:23:00,446 --> 00:23:02,437 Come on! 396 00:23:14,246 --> 00:23:18,080 Damn! 401 00:23:30,686 --> 00:23:33,917 Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! 405 00:23:41,446 --> 00:23:43,402 Yeah! 407 00:23:45,566 --> 00:23:47,397 The chair! Give him the chair! 416 00:24:11,326 --> 00:24:13,999 Thank you! Thank you very much! 417 00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:16,361 I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! 419 00:24:22,566 --> 00:24:24,443 Shall I give the order, sir? 420 00:24:24,526 --> 00:24:27,962 No, I have a better idea. 421 00:24:28,046 --> 00:24:32,995 People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! 422 00:24:33,086 --> 00:24:36,795 - What? - Congratulations, ogre. 423 00:24:36,886 --> 00:24:41,038 You've won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest. 424 00:24:41,126 --> 00:24:45,324 Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. 425 00:24:45,406 --> 00:24:48,478 - Your swamp? - Yeah, my swamp! 426 00:24:48,566 --> 00:24:50,921 Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! 427 00:24:51,006 --> 00:24:53,474 Indeed. 428 00:24:53,566 --> 00:24:55,557 All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. 429 00:24:55,646 --> 00:24:59,275 Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. 430 00:24:59,366 --> 00:25:01,960 Exactly the way it was? 431 00:25:02,046 --> 00:25:04,685 Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. 432 00:25:04,766 --> 00:25:07,883 - And the squatters? - As good as gone. 433 00:25:10,806 --> 00:25:14,594 What kind of quest? 434 00:25:14,926 --> 00:25:17,156 Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon... 435 00:25:17,246 --> 00:25:19,760 and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp... 436 00:25:19,846 --> 00:25:22,838 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. 437 00:25:22,926 --> 00:25:27,078 - Is that about right? - Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. 438 00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:30,556 I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? 439 00:25:30,646 --> 00:25:32,477 Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, 440 00:25:32,566 --> 00:25:35,285 grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. 441 00:25:35,366 --> 00:25:37,197 Oh, I know what. 442 00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:39,402 Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village... 443 00:25:39,486 --> 00:25:41,522 and put their heads on a pike, 444 00:25:41,606 --> 00:25:45,076 gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. 445 00:25:45,166 --> 00:25:47,202 Does that sound good to you? 446 00:25:47,286 --> 00:25:49,800 Uh, no, not really, no. 447 00:25:49,886 --> 00:25:53,515 For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. 448 00:25:53,606 --> 00:25:56,245 - Example? - Example? 449 00:25:56,326 --> 00:26:02,196 - Okay, um, ogres are like onions. - They stink? 450 00:26:02,286 --> 00:26:04,481 - Yes... No! - They make you cry? - No! 451 00:26:04,566 --> 00:26:07,842 You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. 452 00:26:07,926 --> 00:26:09,837 No! Layers! 453 00:26:09,926 --> 00:26:12,156 Onions have layers. 454 00:26:12,246 --> 00:26:15,397 Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. 455 00:26:15,486 --> 00:26:17,795 You get it? We both have layers. 456 00:26:19,646 --> 00:26:23,082 Oh, you both have layers. Oh. 457 00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:26,397 You know, not everybody likes onions. 458 00:26:26,486 --> 00:26:29,000 Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. 459 00:26:29,086 --> 00:26:32,840 I don't care... what everyone likes. 460 00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:36,475 Ogres are not like cakes. 461 00:26:38,246 --> 00:26:41,477 You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. 462 00:26:41,566 --> 00:26:43,397 Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," 463 00:26:43,486 --> 00:26:45,317 they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? 464 00:26:45,406 --> 00:26:48,045 - Parfaits are delicious. - No! 465 00:26:48,126 --> 00:26:50,765 You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! 466 00:26:50,846 --> 00:26:53,644 Ogres are like onions! End of story. 467 00:26:53,726 --> 00:26:55,603 Bye-bye. See ya later. 468 00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:03,518 Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. 469 00:27:03,606 --> 00:27:05,722 You know, I think I preferred your humming. 470 00:27:05,806 --> 00:27:08,366 Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. 471 00:27:08,446 --> 00:27:11,244 Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. 481 00:27:48,926 --> 00:27:51,281 Shrek! Did you do that? 482 00:27:51,366 --> 00:27:54,995 You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. 483 00:27:55,086 --> 00:27:58,635 Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. 484 00:27:58,726 --> 00:28:01,365 It's brimstone. 485 00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:04,483 - We must be getting close. - Yeah, right, brimstone. 486 00:28:04,566 --> 00:28:08,479 Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. 487 00:28:08,566 --> 00:28:10,443 It didn't come off no stone neither. 489 00:28:27,726 --> 00:28:30,923 Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. 491 00:28:33,926 --> 00:28:38,442 Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? 492 00:28:38,526 --> 00:28:40,357 Aye. 493 00:28:40,446 --> 00:28:43,882 Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. 494 00:28:43,966 --> 00:28:47,197 Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. 495 00:28:47,286 --> 00:28:51,199 - Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. - You know what I mean. 496 00:28:51,286 --> 00:28:53,846 You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. 497 00:28:53,926 --> 00:28:58,317 I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava! 498 00:28:58,406 --> 00:29:02,285 Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? 499 00:29:02,366 --> 00:29:04,926 For emotional support, 500 00:29:05,006 --> 00:29:09,363 we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. 501 00:29:09,446 --> 00:29:11,277 - Really? - Really, really. 502 00:29:11,366 --> 00:29:14,438 - Okay, that makes me feel so much better. - Just keep moving. 503 00:29:14,526 --> 00:29:18,917 - And don't look down. - Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. 504 00:29:19,006 --> 00:29:22,237 Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. 505 00:29:22,326 --> 00:29:25,955 Shrek! I'm lookin' down! 506 00:29:26,046 --> 00:29:28,844 Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! 507 00:29:28,926 --> 00:29:32,316 - But you're already halfway. - But I know that half is safe! 508 00:29:32,406 --> 00:29:35,079 Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. 509 00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:37,475 - Shrek, no! Wait! - Just, Donkey... 510 00:29:37,566 --> 00:29:40,524 - Let's have a dance then, shall we? - Don't do that! 511 00:29:40,606 --> 00:29:44,315 Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? 512 00:29:44,406 --> 00:29:47,364 - Oh, this? - Yes, that! 513 00:29:47,446 --> 00:29:50,722 Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. 514 00:29:50,806 --> 00:29:53,001 No, Shrek! 515 00:29:53,086 --> 00:29:56,078 - No! Stop it! - You said do it! I'm doin' it. 516 00:29:56,166 --> 00:30:00,239 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. 518 00:30:02,806 --> 00:30:06,640 That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. 519 00:30:09,886 --> 00:30:12,036 Cool. 520 00:30:12,126 --> 00:30:14,765 So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? 521 00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:18,441 Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. 522 00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:21,324 I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. 525 00:30:36,166 --> 00:30:37,997 You afraid? 526 00:30:38,086 --> 00:30:41,237 No, but... Shh. 527 00:30:41,326 --> 00:30:44,716 Oh, good. Me neither. 528 00:30:44,806 --> 00:30:48,037 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. 529 00:30:48,126 --> 00:30:51,243 Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. 530 00:30:51,326 --> 00:30:53,282 Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. 531 00:30:53,366 --> 00:30:55,880 With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, 532 00:30:55,966 --> 00:30:59,276 it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. 533 00:30:59,366 --> 00:31:03,200 I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. 534 00:31:03,286 --> 00:31:06,483 Donkey, two things, okay? 535 00:31:06,566 --> 00:31:09,000 Shut... up. 536 00:31:09,086 --> 00:31:11,725 Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. 537 00:31:11,806 --> 00:31:14,320 Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. 538 00:31:14,406 --> 00:31:19,082 The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. 539 00:31:19,166 --> 00:31:22,602 - What makes you think she'll be there? - I read it in a book once. 540 00:31:22,686 --> 00:31:26,440 Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. 541 00:31:26,526 --> 00:31:29,438 I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. 542 00:31:29,526 --> 00:31:31,403 Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. 544 00:31:35,726 --> 00:31:37,603 I'm gonna take drastic steps. 545 00:31:37,686 --> 00:31:40,359 Kick it to the kerb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. 546 00:31:40,446 --> 00:31:44,837 I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. 547 00:31:47,686 --> 00:31:51,076 Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... 548 00:31:51,166 --> 00:31:55,239 Dragon! 551 00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:10,436 Donkey, look out! 554 00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:23,517 Got ya! 562 00:32:57,846 --> 00:33:01,122 No. Oh, no. No! 563 00:33:01,206 --> 00:33:04,676 Oh, what large teeth you have. 564 00:33:04,766 --> 00:33:08,441 I mean, white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, 565 00:33:08,526 --> 00:33:12,485 but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. 566 00:33:12,566 --> 00:33:14,955 Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? 567 00:33:15,046 --> 00:33:19,597 And you know what else? You're... You're a girl dragon! 568 00:33:19,686 --> 00:33:23,998 Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 569 00:33:24,086 --> 00:33:27,715 You're just reeking of feminine beauty. 570 00:33:27,806 --> 00:33:30,036 What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? 572 00:33:32,926 --> 00:33:35,235 Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm... 573 00:33:35,326 --> 00:33:39,114 I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. 574 00:33:39,206 --> 00:33:41,037 Shrek! 575 00:33:41,126 --> 00:33:44,675 No! Shrek! Shrek! 576 00:33:44,766 --> 00:33:46,597 Shrek! 582 00:34:18,046 --> 00:34:19,877 - Wake up! - What? 583 00:34:19,966 --> 00:34:21,524 Are you Princess Fiona? 584 00:34:21,606 --> 00:34:26,726 I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. 585 00:34:26,806 --> 00:34:28,717 Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! 586 00:34:28,806 --> 00:34:30,717 But wait, Sir Knight. 587 00:34:30,806 --> 00:34:33,001 This be-ith our first meeting. 588 00:34:33,086 --> 00:34:36,635 Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? 589 00:34:36,726 --> 00:34:40,878 - Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. - Hey, wait. What are you doing? 590 00:34:40,966 --> 00:34:42,957 You should sweep me off my feet... 591 00:34:43,046 --> 00:34:46,277 …out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. 592 00:34:46,366 --> 00:34:49,039 You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? 594 00:34:53,286 --> 00:34:56,039 But we have to savour this moment! 595 00:34:56,126 --> 00:34:58,765 You could recite an epic poem for me. 596 00:34:58,846 --> 00:35:01,201 A ballad? A sonnet! 597 00:35:01,286 --> 00:35:04,403 - A limerick? Or something! - I don't think so. 598 00:35:04,486 --> 00:35:08,718 Can I at least know the name of my champion? 599 00:35:08,806 --> 00:35:10,637 Shrek. 600 00:35:10,726 --> 00:35:14,275 Sir Shrek. 601 00:35:14,366 --> 00:35:18,917 I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude. 602 00:35:20,006 --> 00:35:21,917 Thanks! 604 00:35:25,766 --> 00:35:27,518 You didn't slay the dragon? 605 00:35:27,606 --> 00:35:29,961 It's on my to-do list. Now come on! 606 00:35:30,046 --> 00:35:32,514 But this isn't right! 607 00:35:32,606 --> 00:35:34,756 You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. 608 00:35:34,846 --> 00:35:36,837 That's what all the other knights did. 609 00:35:36,926 --> 00:35:39,121 Yeah, right before they burst into flame. 610 00:35:39,206 --> 00:35:42,596 That's not the point. Oh! 611 00:35:42,686 --> 00:35:45,041 Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. 612 00:35:45,126 --> 00:35:47,082 Well, I have to save my ass. 613 00:35:47,166 --> 00:35:50,238 What kind of knight are you? 614 00:35:50,326 --> 00:35:52,635 One of a kind. 615 00:35:52,726 --> 00:35:55,001 Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. 616 00:35:55,086 --> 00:35:59,125 I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. 617 00:35:59,206 --> 00:36:01,674 Just call me old-fashioned. 618 00:36:01,766 --> 00:36:05,122 I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. 619 00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:08,516 I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this... 620 00:36:08,606 --> 00:36:10,801 Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. 621 00:36:10,886 --> 00:36:14,242 Magnitude... Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. 622 00:36:14,326 --> 00:36:16,681 Hey, what are you doing? 623 00:36:16,766 --> 00:36:19,883 Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. 624 00:36:19,966 --> 00:36:23,925 We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. 625 00:36:24,006 --> 00:36:28,045 I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards... 626 00:36:28,126 --> 00:36:30,435 I'd really love to stay, but... 627 00:36:30,526 --> 00:36:32,994 Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. 628 00:36:33,086 --> 00:36:36,362 You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission... What are you gonna do with that? 629 00:36:36,446 --> 00:36:40,075 Hey, now. No way. No! No! 634 00:37:08,566 --> 00:37:10,443 - Hi, Princess! - It talks! 635 00:37:10,526 --> 00:37:14,121 Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. 645 00:37:48,246 --> 00:37:50,077 Okay, you two, head for the exit! 646 00:37:51,166 --> 00:37:53,600 I'll take care of the dragon. 647 00:37:59,926 --> 00:38:05,125 Run! 656 00:38:45,006 --> 00:38:49,477 You did it! 657 00:38:49,566 --> 00:38:52,319 You rescued me! You're amazing. You're... 658 00:38:52,406 --> 00:38:56,001 You're wonderful. You're... 659 00:38:56,086 --> 00:38:58,281 a little unorthodox I'll admit. 660 00:38:58,366 --> 00:39:03,076 But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. 661 00:39:03,166 --> 00:39:06,795 I am eternally in your debt. 662 00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:11,038 And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? 663 00:39:11,126 --> 00:39:15,597 I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. 664 00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:18,723 The battle is won. 665 00:39:18,806 --> 00:39:21,195 You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. 666 00:39:21,286 --> 00:39:23,754 - Uh, no. - Why not? 667 00:39:23,846 --> 00:39:25,962 I have helmet hair. 668 00:39:26,046 --> 00:39:29,118 Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. 669 00:39:29,206 --> 00:39:31,674 No, no, you wouldn't... 'st. 670 00:39:31,766 --> 00:39:34,121 But how will you kiss me? 671 00:39:34,206 --> 00:39:37,801 What? That wasn't in the job description. 672 00:39:37,886 --> 00:39:40,161 Maybe it's a perk. 673 00:39:40,246 --> 00:39:44,478 No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. 674 00:39:44,566 --> 00:39:48,195 A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon... 675 00:39:48,286 --> 00:39:51,084 is rescued by a brave knight, 676 00:39:51,166 --> 00:39:54,317 and then they share true love's first kiss. 677 00:39:54,406 --> 00:39:56,397 Hmm? With Shrek? You think... Wait. 678 00:39:56,486 --> 00:39:59,523 Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love? 679 00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:01,517 Well, yes. 681 00:40:05,406 --> 00:40:07,761 You think Shrek is your true love! 682 00:40:07,846 --> 00:40:09,677 What is so funny? 683 00:40:09,766 --> 00:40:12,724 Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? 684 00:40:12,806 --> 00:40:16,162 Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. 685 00:40:16,246 --> 00:40:18,601 Now... Now remove your helmet. 686 00:40:18,686 --> 00:40:20,802 Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. 687 00:40:20,886 --> 00:40:22,797 - Just take off the helmet. - I'm not going to. 688 00:40:22,886 --> 00:40:24,001 - Take it off. - No! 689 00:40:24,086 --> 00:40:26,077 - Now! - Okay! 690 00:40:26,166 --> 00:40:30,478 Easy. As you command, Your Highness. 691 00:40:40,126 --> 00:40:43,402 You... You're a... an ogre. 692 00:40:43,486 --> 00:40:47,240 Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. 693 00:40:47,326 --> 00:40:49,715 Well, yes, actually. 694 00:40:51,566 --> 00:40:54,683 Oh, no. This is all wrong. 695 00:40:54,766 --> 00:40:56,961 You're not supposed to be an ogre. 696 00:40:57,046 --> 00:41:02,074 Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? 697 00:41:02,166 --> 00:41:03,997 He's the one who wants to marry you. 698 00:41:04,086 --> 00:41:05,917 Then why didn't he come rescue me? 699 00:41:06,006 --> 00:41:10,158 Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. 700 00:41:10,246 --> 00:41:13,158 But I have to be rescued by my true love, 701 00:41:13,246 --> 00:41:15,885 not by some ogre and his... his pet. 702 00:41:15,966 --> 00:41:17,922 So much for noble steed. 703 00:41:18,006 --> 00:41:20,520 You're not making my job any easier. 704 00:41:20,606 --> 00:41:23,837 I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. 705 00:41:23,926 --> 00:41:28,954 You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, 706 00:41:29,046 --> 00:41:31,276 I'll be waiting for him right here. 707 00:41:31,366 --> 00:41:36,201 Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. 708 00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:38,436 You wouldn't dare. 709 00:41:38,526 --> 00:41:40,437 - Put me down! - Ya comin', Donkey? 710 00:41:40,526 --> 00:41:42,403 I'm right behind ya. 711 00:41:42,486 --> 00:41:45,922 Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! 712 00:41:46,006 --> 00:41:50,318 This is not dignified! Put me down! 713 00:41:50,406 --> 00:41:53,159 Okay, so here's another question. 714 00:41:53,246 --> 00:41:56,158 Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. 715 00:41:56,246 --> 00:41:58,521 How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, 716 00:41:58,606 --> 00:42:00,995 but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? 717 00:42:01,086 --> 00:42:03,725 You just tell her she's not your true love. 718 00:42:03,806 --> 00:42:06,400 Everyone knowest what happens when you find your... 719 00:42:06,486 --> 00:42:08,954 Hey! 720 00:42:09,046 --> 00:42:11,241 The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. 721 00:42:11,326 --> 00:42:14,124 You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! 722 00:42:14,206 --> 00:42:17,801 And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? 723 00:42:17,886 --> 00:42:19,922 Let me put it this way, Princess. 724 00:42:20,006 --> 00:42:23,840 Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. 726 00:42:25,846 --> 00:42:29,759 I don't know. There are those who think little of him. 728 00:42:31,806 --> 00:42:34,559 Stop it. Stop it, both of you. 729 00:42:34,646 --> 00:42:39,401 You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. 730 00:42:39,486 --> 00:42:42,284 Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. 731 00:42:42,366 --> 00:42:45,517 But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. 732 00:42:45,606 --> 00:42:49,645 Tomorrow? It'll take that long? 733 00:42:49,726 --> 00:42:54,242 - Shouldn't we stop to make camp? - No, that'll take longer. 734 00:42:54,326 --> 00:42:58,558 - We can keep going. - But there's robbers in the woods. 735 00:42:58,646 --> 00:43:01,843 Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. 736 00:43:01,926 --> 00:43:05,839 Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. 737 00:43:05,926 --> 00:43:08,201 I need to find somewhere to camp now! 740 00:43:14,806 --> 00:43:18,719 - Hey! Over here. - Shrek, we can do better than that. 741 00:43:18,806 --> 00:43:21,274 I don't think this is fit for a princess. 742 00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:24,039 No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. 743 00:43:24,126 --> 00:43:28,836 Homey touches? Like what? 744 00:43:28,926 --> 00:43:32,999 A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. 745 00:43:33,086 --> 00:43:35,361 You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. 746 00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:37,676 I said good night! 747 00:43:40,046 --> 00:43:41,923 Shrek, what are you doing? 748 00:43:42,006 --> 00:43:44,918 I just... You know... Oh, come on. 749 00:43:45,006 --> 00:43:47,520 I was just kidding. 751 00:43:52,606 --> 00:43:56,042 And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, 752 00:43:56,126 --> 00:43:59,402 the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. 753 00:43:59,486 --> 00:44:02,444 Right. Yeah. 754 00:44:02,526 --> 00:44:05,324 Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? 755 00:44:05,406 --> 00:44:08,842 The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. 756 00:44:08,926 --> 00:44:12,362 Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. 757 00:44:12,446 --> 00:44:15,916 - You can guess what he's famous for. - I know you're making this up. 758 00:44:16,006 --> 00:44:18,600 No, look. There he is, 759 00:44:18,686 --> 00:44:21,644 and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. 760 00:44:21,726 --> 00:44:24,194 That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. 761 00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:28,040 Sometimes things are more than they appear. 763 00:44:30,286 --> 00:44:32,242 Forget it. 765 00:44:34,966 --> 00:44:38,561 Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? 766 00:44:38,646 --> 00:44:40,364 Our swamp? 767 00:44:40,446 --> 00:44:42,437 You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. 768 00:44:42,526 --> 00:44:47,077 We? Donkey, there's no "we." There's no "our." 769 00:44:47,166 --> 00:44:49,316 There's just me and my swamp. 770 00:44:49,406 --> 00:44:53,479 The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. 771 00:44:53,566 --> 00:44:55,955 You cut me deep, Shrek. 772 00:44:56,046 --> 00:44:59,243 You cut me real deep just now. 773 00:44:59,326 --> 00:45:01,157 You know what I think? 774 00:45:01,246 --> 00:45:04,238 I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. 775 00:45:04,326 --> 00:45:08,319 - No, do ya think? - Are you hidin' something? 776 00:45:08,406 --> 00:45:10,283 Never mind, Donkey. 777 00:45:10,366 --> 00:45:13,642 Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? 778 00:45:13,726 --> 00:45:17,162 No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things. 779 00:45:17,246 --> 00:45:20,841 - Why don't you want to talk about it? - Why do you want to? 780 00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:22,644 - Why are you blocking? - I'm not blocking. 781 00:45:22,726 --> 00:45:24,876 - Oh, yes, you are. - Donkey, I'm warning you. 782 00:45:24,966 --> 00:45:28,322 - Who you trying to keep out? - Everyone! Okay? 783 00:45:29,526 --> 00:45:31,881 Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. 784 00:45:31,966 --> 00:45:35,117 Oh! For the love of Pete! 785 00:45:35,206 --> 00:45:37,515 What's your problem? What you got against the whole world? 786 00:45:37,606 --> 00:45:39,722 I'm not the one with the problem, okay? 787 00:45:39,806 --> 00:45:42,639 It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. 788 00:45:42,726 --> 00:45:46,435 People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! 789 00:45:46,526 --> 00:45:50,121 A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" 790 00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:54,245 They judge me before they even know me. 791 00:45:54,326 --> 00:45:56,157 That's why I'm better off alone. 792 00:46:03,766 --> 00:46:05,882 You know what? 793 00:46:05,966 --> 00:46:11,404 When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 794 00:46:11,486 --> 00:46:14,284 Yeah, I know. 795 00:46:14,366 --> 00:46:17,642 So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? 796 00:46:17,726 --> 00:46:20,957 Well, there's, um, Gabby, 797 00:46:21,046 --> 00:46:23,241 the Small and Annoying. 798 00:46:23,326 --> 00:46:28,036 Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? 799 00:46:28,126 --> 00:46:31,163 - That's the moon. - Oh, okay. 802 00:46:51,646 --> 00:46:53,955 Again. Show me again. 804 00:46:58,246 --> 00:47:02,159 Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. 806 00:47:06,206 --> 00:47:10,802 Ah. Perfect. 819 00:48:11,526 --> 00:48:14,279 Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. 820 00:48:14,366 --> 00:48:18,439 - Come on, baby. I said I like it. - Donkey, wake up. 821 00:48:18,526 --> 00:48:20,960 - Huh? What? - Wake up. 822 00:48:21,046 --> 00:48:22,923 - What? - Good morning. 823 00:48:23,006 --> 00:48:26,123 How do you like your eggs? 824 00:48:26,206 --> 00:48:29,994 - Good morning, Princess! - What's all this about? 825 00:48:30,086 --> 00:48:33,874 We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. 826 00:48:33,966 --> 00:48:35,877 I wanted to make it up to you. 827 00:48:35,966 --> 00:48:40,323 After all, you did rescue me. 828 00:48:40,406 --> 00:48:43,284 Uh, thanks. 829 00:48:43,366 --> 00:48:46,995 Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. 830 00:48:51,286 --> 00:48:53,163 Shrek! 831 00:48:53,246 --> 00:48:55,043 What? It's a compliment. 832 00:48:55,126 --> 00:48:57,959 Better out than in, I always say. 833 00:48:58,046 --> 00:49:01,641 Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. 834 00:49:01,726 --> 00:49:04,240 - Thanks. - She's as nasty as you are. 835 00:49:04,326 --> 00:49:08,956 You know, you're not exactly what I expected. 836 00:49:09,046 --> 00:49:13,915 Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. 838 00:49:16,606 --> 00:49:18,801 La liberte! Hey! 839 00:49:18,886 --> 00:49:20,717 Princess! 840 00:49:20,806 --> 00:49:23,366 What are you doing? 841 00:49:23,446 --> 00:49:26,244 Be still, mon cherie, for I am your saviour! 842 00:49:26,326 --> 00:49:30,604 And I am rescuing you from this green... 843 00:49:30,686 --> 00:49:33,120 - …beast. - Hey! 844 00:49:33,206 --> 00:49:35,436 That's my princess! Go find your own! 845 00:49:35,526 --> 00:49:40,361 Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? 846 00:49:40,446 --> 00:49:43,882 Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! 847 00:49:43,966 --> 00:49:46,434 Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. 848 00:49:46,526 --> 00:49:48,517 Please let me introduce myself. 849 00:49:48,606 --> 00:49:51,359 Oh, Merry Men! 855 00:50:03,486 --> 00:50:06,319 Break it down. 866 00:50:35,006 --> 00:50:37,520 Man, that was annoying! 867 00:50:37,606 --> 00:50:39,278 Oh, you little... 872 00:51:05,406 --> 00:51:08,364 Um, shall we? 873 00:51:09,646 --> 00:51:12,399 Hold the phone. 874 00:51:12,966 --> 00:51:15,799 Hold on now. 875 00:51:15,886 --> 00:51:17,797 - Where did that come from? - What? 876 00:51:17,886 --> 00:51:20,639 That! Back there. That was amazing! 877 00:51:20,726 --> 00:51:22,557 Where did you learn that? 878 00:51:22,646 --> 00:51:25,638 Well... When one lives alone, 879 00:51:25,726 --> 00:51:28,365 uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a... 880 00:51:28,446 --> 00:51:30,960 - There's an arrow in your butt! - What? 881 00:51:31,046 --> 00:51:34,675 - Oh, would you look at that? - Oh, no. This is all my fault. 882 00:51:34,766 --> 00:51:36,597 - I'm so sorry. - Why? What's wrong? 883 00:51:36,686 --> 00:51:39,883 - Shrek's hurt. - Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. 884 00:51:39,966 --> 00:51:43,595 - Donkey, I'm okay. - You can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. 885 00:51:43,686 --> 00:51:45,722 Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. 886 00:51:45,806 --> 00:51:48,684 - Does anyone know the Heimlich? - Donkey! Calm down. 887 00:51:48,766 --> 00:51:53,203 If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. 888 00:51:53,286 --> 00:51:56,722 Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. 889 00:51:56,806 --> 00:52:00,116 Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! 890 00:52:00,206 --> 00:52:03,243 - Donkey! - Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. 891 00:52:03,326 --> 00:52:05,521 - Blue flower, red thorns. - What are the flowers for? 892 00:52:05,606 --> 00:52:07,722 For getting rid of Donkey. 893 00:52:07,806 --> 00:52:10,081 Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. 894 00:52:10,166 --> 00:52:12,282 Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. 895 00:52:12,366 --> 00:52:14,880 - I'm sorry, but it has to come out. - No, it's tender. 896 00:52:14,966 --> 00:52:16,638 Now, hold on. 897 00:52:16,726 --> 00:52:18,717 - What you're doing is the opposite of help. - Don't move. 898 00:52:18,806 --> 00:52:21,366 - Look, time out. - Would you... 899 00:52:21,446 --> 00:52:25,724 Okay. What do you propose we do? 900 00:52:25,806 --> 00:52:28,400 Blue flower, red thorns. 901 00:52:28,486 --> 00:52:30,761 This would be so much easier if I wasn't colour-blind! 902 00:52:30,846 --> 00:52:32,837 Blue flower, red thorns. 903 00:52:32,926 --> 00:52:35,235 Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! 904 00:52:36,686 --> 00:52:38,722 Ow! Not good. 905 00:52:38,806 --> 00:52:41,240 Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head. 906 00:52:41,326 --> 00:52:43,840 - It's just about... 908 00:52:48,206 --> 00:52:51,437 Nothing happened. We were just, uh... 909 00:52:51,526 --> 00:52:54,120 Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. 910 00:52:54,206 --> 00:52:57,323 Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. 911 00:52:57,406 --> 00:53:00,921 The princess here was just... Ugh! 912 00:53:03,966 --> 00:53:06,560 Hey, what's that? 913 00:53:06,646 --> 00:53:09,365 That's... Is that blood? 926 00:54:24,366 --> 00:54:26,243 Hey! 929 00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:38,037 There it is, Princess. 930 00:54:38,126 --> 00:54:40,356 Your future awaits you. 931 00:54:40,446 --> 00:54:42,596 - That's DuLoc? - Yeah, I know. 932 00:54:42,686 --> 00:54:45,246 You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, 933 00:54:45,326 --> 00:54:47,715 which I think means he has a really... Ow! 934 00:54:47,806 --> 00:54:49,637 Um, l, uh... 935 00:54:49,726 --> 00:54:52,035 - I guess we better move on. - Sure. 936 00:54:52,126 --> 00:54:54,117 But, Shrek? 937 00:54:54,206 --> 00:54:56,879 I'm... I'm worried about Donkey. 938 00:54:56,966 --> 00:54:59,241 - What? - I mean, look at him. 939 00:54:59,326 --> 00:55:02,204 - He doesn't look so good. - What are you talking about? I'm fine. 940 00:55:02,286 --> 00:55:07,076 That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. 941 00:55:07,166 --> 00:55:09,521 - Dead. - You know, she's right. 942 00:55:09,606 --> 00:55:12,359 You look awful. Do you want to sit down? 943 00:55:12,446 --> 00:55:15,040 - I'll make you some tea. - I didn't want to say nothin', 944 00:55:15,126 --> 00:55:17,765 but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. 945 00:55:17,846 --> 00:55:19,677 See? 946 00:55:19,766 --> 00:55:22,234 -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. 947 00:55:22,326 --> 00:55:26,638 Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! 948 00:55:26,726 --> 00:55:29,115 I don't have any toes! 949 00:55:29,206 --> 00:55:31,436 I think I need a hug. 951 00:55:37,086 --> 00:55:40,874 This is good. This is really good. 952 00:55:43,006 --> 00:55:45,156 - What is this? - Uh, weedrat. 953 00:55:45,246 --> 00:55:47,282 Rotisserie style. 954 00:55:47,366 --> 00:55:49,755 No kidding. 955 00:55:49,846 --> 00:55:51,677 Well, this is delicious. 956 00:55:51,766 --> 00:55:53,757 Well, they're also great in stews. 957 00:55:53,846 --> 00:55:57,919 Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. 959 00:56:01,486 --> 00:56:05,445 I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. 960 00:56:05,526 --> 00:56:10,395 Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. 961 00:56:10,486 --> 00:56:12,556 I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. 962 00:56:12,646 --> 00:56:16,355 Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare... you name it. 963 00:56:16,446 --> 00:56:19,438 I'd like that. 966 00:56:29,246 --> 00:56:31,760 Um, Princess? 967 00:56:31,846 --> 00:56:35,919 Yes, Shrek? 968 00:56:36,006 --> 00:56:39,681 I, um, I was wondering. 969 00:56:39,766 --> 00:56:41,916 Are you... 971 00:56:44,566 --> 00:56:47,239 Are you gonna eat that? 973 00:56:53,766 --> 00:56:57,679 - Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. - Sunset? 974 00:56:57,766 --> 00:57:00,200 Oh, no! I mean, it's late. 975 00:57:00,286 --> 00:57:02,083 - l-It's very late. - What? 976 00:57:02,166 --> 00:57:04,964 Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. 977 00:57:05,046 --> 00:57:07,879 - You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? - Yes! 978 00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:11,800 Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. 979 00:57:11,886 --> 00:57:15,083 Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until... 980 00:57:15,166 --> 00:57:17,805 Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. 981 00:57:17,886 --> 00:57:20,923 Good night. 982 00:57:21,006 --> 00:57:23,918 Good night. 984 00:57:27,006 --> 00:57:29,645 Now I really see what's goin' on here. 985 00:57:29,726 --> 00:57:31,557 Oh, what are you talkin' about? 986 00:57:31,646 --> 00:57:34,285 I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. 987 00:57:34,366 --> 00:57:36,675 I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. 988 00:57:36,766 --> 00:57:39,485 You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. 989 00:57:39,566 --> 00:57:42,763 Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. 990 00:57:42,846 --> 00:57:45,406 Just go on in and tell her how you feel. 991 00:57:45,486 --> 00:57:49,320 There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, 992 00:57:49,406 --> 00:57:51,237 well, you know... 993 00:57:51,326 --> 00:57:54,682 and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't... 994 00:57:54,766 --> 00:57:57,075 she's a princess, and I'm... 995 00:57:57,166 --> 00:57:59,726 An ogre? 996 00:57:59,806 --> 00:58:02,366 Yeah. An ogre. 997 00:58:02,446 --> 00:58:06,325 - Hey, where you goin'? - To get... more firewood. 999 00:58:25,126 --> 00:58:26,400 Princess? 1000 00:58:26,486 --> 00:58:29,080 Princess Fiona? 1001 00:58:33,166 --> 00:58:35,885 Princess, where are you? 1003 00:58:40,926 --> 00:58:43,315 Princess? 1005 00:58:46,286 --> 00:58:48,925 It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. 1007 00:58:58,726 --> 00:59:01,035 - Oh, no! - No, help! 1008 00:59:01,126 --> 00:59:04,084 - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - No, it's okay. It's okay. 1009 00:59:04,166 --> 00:59:06,919 - What did you do with the princess? - Donkey, I'm the princess. 1010 00:59:07,006 --> 00:59:09,645 It's me, in this body. 1011 00:59:09,726 --> 00:59:12,160 Oh, my God! You ate the princess! 1012 00:59:12,246 --> 00:59:14,077 - Can you hear me? - Donkey! 1013 00:59:14,166 --> 00:59:16,396 Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! 1014 00:59:16,486 --> 00:59:18,841 Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 1015 00:59:18,926 --> 00:59:20,678 - Shrek! - This is me. 1017 00:59:25,606 --> 00:59:28,359 Princess? 1018 00:59:28,446 --> 00:59:31,802 What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, 1019 00:59:31,886 --> 00:59:33,717 uh, different. 1020 00:59:33,806 --> 00:59:35,956 - I'm ugly, okay? - Well, yeah! 1021 00:59:36,046 --> 00:59:39,038 Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. 1022 00:59:39,126 --> 00:59:41,560 - You are what you eat, I said. Now... - No. 1023 00:59:41,646 --> 00:59:44,843 l... I've been this way as long as I can remember. 1024 00:59:44,926 --> 00:59:47,281 What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. 1025 00:59:47,366 --> 00:59:50,403 It only happens when the sun goes down. 1026 00:59:51,766 --> 00:59:55,236 "By night one way, by day another. 1027 00:59:55,326 --> 00:59:57,282 "This shall be the norm... 1028 00:59:57,366 --> 01:00:00,358 "until you find true love's first kiss... 1029 01:00:00,446 --> 01:00:04,678 and then take love's true form." 1030 01:00:04,766 --> 01:00:08,156 Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. 1031 01:00:08,246 --> 01:00:10,077 It's a spell. 1032 01:00:10,166 --> 01:00:12,634 When I was a little girl, 1033 01:00:12,726 --> 01:00:15,286 a witch cast a spell on me. 1034 01:00:15,366 --> 01:00:17,800 Every night I become this. 1035 01:00:17,886 --> 01:00:21,401 This horrible, ugly beast! 1036 01:00:23,806 --> 01:00:28,641 I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. 1037 01:00:28,726 --> 01:00:31,194 That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow... 1038 01:00:31,286 --> 01:00:34,562 before the sun sets and he sees me... 1039 01:00:35,766 --> 01:00:38,599 …like this. 1040 01:00:38,686 --> 01:00:41,803 All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. 1041 01:00:41,886 --> 01:00:45,879 You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. 1042 01:00:45,966 --> 01:00:48,844 But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. 1043 01:00:48,926 --> 01:00:52,157 But, Donkey, I'm a princess, 1044 01:00:52,246 --> 01:00:55,682 and this is not how a princess is meant to look. 1045 01:00:55,766 --> 01:00:59,361 Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? 1046 01:00:59,446 --> 01:01:01,277 I have to. 1047 01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:04,085 Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. 1048 01:01:04,166 --> 01:01:07,556 But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, 1049 01:01:07,646 --> 01:01:10,922 and Shrek... well, you got a lot in common. 1050 01:01:11,006 --> 01:01:12,439 Shrek? 1051 01:01:12,526 --> 01:01:16,201 Princess, l... Uh, how's it going, first of all? 1052 01:01:16,286 --> 01:01:18,959 Good? Good for me too. 1053 01:01:19,046 --> 01:01:20,877 I'm okay. 1054 01:01:20,966 --> 01:01:25,642 I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and... 1055 01:01:25,726 --> 01:01:29,799 well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. 1056 01:01:29,886 --> 01:01:32,958 But I like you anyway. I'd... 1058 01:01:35,046 --> 01:01:38,436 I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. 1059 01:01:38,526 --> 01:01:40,915 I can't just marry whoever I want. 1060 01:01:41,006 --> 01:01:43,201 Take a good look at me, Donkey. 1061 01:01:43,286 --> 01:01:45,117 I mean, really, 1062 01:01:45,206 --> 01:01:47,766 who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? 1063 01:01:47,846 --> 01:01:50,155 "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. 1064 01:01:50,246 --> 01:01:52,555 That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. 1065 01:01:52,646 --> 01:01:56,878 My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. 1066 01:01:56,966 --> 01:02:00,242 Don't you see, Donkey? 1067 01:02:00,326 --> 01:02:03,477 That's just how it has to be. 1068 01:02:03,566 --> 01:02:06,478 It's the only way to break the spell. 1069 01:02:06,566 --> 01:02:09,205 - You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. - No! 1070 01:02:09,286 --> 01:02:12,084 You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. 1071 01:02:12,166 --> 01:02:14,202 What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? 1072 01:02:14,286 --> 01:02:17,278 Promise you won't tell. Promise! 1073 01:02:17,366 --> 01:02:20,324 All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. 1074 01:02:20,406 --> 01:02:23,284 I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. 1075 01:02:23,366 --> 01:02:26,756 Look at my eye twitchin'. 1077 01:02:48,526 --> 01:02:52,121 I tell him, I tell him not. 1078 01:02:52,566 --> 01:02:56,400 I tell him, I tell him not. 1079 01:02:56,486 --> 01:02:58,317 I tell him. 1080 01:02:58,406 --> 01:03:00,397 Shrek! 1081 01:03:00,486 --> 01:03:02,920 Shrek, there's something I want... 1083 01:03:22,886 --> 01:03:25,002 Shrek. 1084 01:03:26,366 --> 01:03:28,322 - Are you all right? - Perfect! 1085 01:03:28,406 --> 01:03:30,283 Never been better. 1086 01:03:30,366 --> 01:03:33,517 l... I don't... There's something I have to tell you. 1087 01:03:33,606 --> 01:03:36,040 You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. 1088 01:03:36,126 --> 01:03:38,117 - I heard enough last night. - You heard what I said? 1089 01:03:38,206 --> 01:03:40,037 Every word. 1090 01:03:40,126 --> 01:03:42,196 I thought you'd understand. 1091 01:03:42,286 --> 01:03:44,117 Oh, I understand. 1092 01:03:44,206 --> 01:03:47,642 Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" 1093 01:03:47,726 --> 01:03:50,286 But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. 1094 01:03:50,366 --> 01:03:52,038 Yeah? Well, it does. 1096 01:03:54,526 --> 01:03:56,642 Ah, right on time. 1097 01:03:56,726 --> 01:03:59,479 Princess, I've brought you a little something. 1099 01:04:03,726 --> 01:04:07,241 What'd I miss? What'd I miss? 1100 01:04:07,326 --> 01:04:09,840 Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. 1101 01:04:11,166 --> 01:04:13,521 Princess Fiona. 1102 01:04:13,606 --> 01:04:16,200 As promised. Now hand it over. 1103 01:04:16,286 --> 01:04:20,359 Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. 1104 01:04:20,446 --> 01:04:24,803 Take it and go before I change my mind. 1105 01:04:24,886 --> 01:04:27,605 Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, 1106 01:04:27,686 --> 01:04:29,517 but you startled me, 1107 01:04:29,606 --> 01:04:33,121 for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. 1108 01:04:33,206 --> 01:04:36,084 I am Lord Farquaad. 1109 01:04:36,166 --> 01:04:39,875 Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. 1110 01:04:39,966 --> 01:04:42,799 Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying... 1111 01:04:42,886 --> 01:04:48,119 a short... farewell. 1112 01:04:48,206 --> 01:04:52,643 That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. 1113 01:04:52,726 --> 01:04:54,557 It's not like it has feelings. 1114 01:04:54,646 --> 01:04:58,434 No, you're right. It doesn't. 1115 01:04:58,526 --> 01:05:02,360 Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. 1116 01:05:02,446 --> 01:05:05,324 I ask your hand in marriage. 1117 01:05:05,406 --> 01:05:10,241 Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? 1118 01:05:13,406 --> 01:05:18,355 Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... 1119 01:05:18,446 --> 01:05:21,483 Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! 1120 01:05:21,566 --> 01:05:23,397 No! I mean, uh, 1121 01:05:23,486 --> 01:05:25,761 why wait? 1122 01:05:25,846 --> 01:05:29,521 Let's get married today before the sun sets. 1123 01:05:29,606 --> 01:05:32,200 Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. 1124 01:05:32,286 --> 01:05:36,040 The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! 1125 01:05:36,126 --> 01:05:38,356 There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. 1126 01:05:38,446 --> 01:05:41,324 Captain, round up some guests! 1127 01:05:41,406 --> 01:05:44,000 Fare-thee-well, ogre. 1128 01:05:44,086 --> 01:05:46,554 Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. 1129 01:05:46,646 --> 01:05:49,240 - Yeah? So what? - Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. 1130 01:05:49,326 --> 01:05:51,635 Look, I talked to her last night. She's... 1131 01:05:51,726 --> 01:05:55,605 I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? 1132 01:05:55,686 --> 01:05:59,281 Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? 1133 01:05:59,366 --> 01:06:01,243 Shrek, l... I wanna go with you. 1134 01:06:01,326 --> 01:06:04,159 I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. 1135 01:06:04,246 --> 01:06:08,034 I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! 1136 01:06:08,126 --> 01:06:10,117 Understand? Nobody! 1137 01:06:10,206 --> 01:06:14,836 Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! 1138 01:06:14,926 --> 01:06:17,963 - But I thought... - Yeah. You know what? 1139 01:06:18,046 --> 01:06:20,162 You thought wrong! 1140 01:06:21,846 --> 01:06:23,677 Shrek. 1172 01:08:38,406 --> 01:08:40,317 Donkey? 1173 01:08:40,406 --> 01:08:42,522 What are you doing? 1174 01:08:42,606 --> 01:08:45,439 I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. 1175 01:08:45,526 --> 01:08:47,357 Well, yeah. 1176 01:08:47,446 --> 01:08:50,677 But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. 1177 01:08:50,766 --> 01:08:53,439 It is around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half. 1178 01:08:53,526 --> 01:08:55,994 Oh! Your half. 1179 01:08:56,086 --> 01:08:58,520 Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. 1180 01:08:58,606 --> 01:09:00,756 I did half the work, I get half the booty. 1181 01:09:00,846 --> 01:09:04,043 Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. 1182 01:09:04,126 --> 01:09:06,356 - Back off! - No, you back off. 1183 01:09:06,446 --> 01:09:08,357 - This is my swamp! - Our swamp. 1184 01:09:08,446 --> 01:09:10,277 - Let go, Donkey! - You let go. 1185 01:09:10,366 --> 01:09:12,243 - Stubborn jackass! - Smelly ogre. 1186 01:09:12,326 --> 01:09:14,442 Fine! 1187 01:09:14,526 --> 01:09:17,723 - Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. - Well, I'm through with you. 1188 01:09:17,806 --> 01:09:20,923 You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" 1189 01:09:21,006 --> 01:09:23,474 Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! 1190 01:09:23,566 --> 01:09:25,602 So you just shut up and pay attention! 1191 01:09:25,686 --> 01:09:27,563 You are mean to me. 1192 01:09:27,646 --> 01:09:30,035 You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! 1193 01:09:30,126 --> 01:09:33,084 You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. 1194 01:09:33,166 --> 01:09:36,841 Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? 1195 01:09:36,926 --> 01:09:39,998 Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! 1196 01:09:40,086 --> 01:09:43,158 Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. 1197 01:09:43,246 --> 01:09:47,285 I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! 1198 01:09:47,366 --> 01:09:52,565 You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. 1199 01:09:52,646 --> 01:09:55,956 - Go away! - There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. 1200 01:09:56,046 --> 01:09:58,514 All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. 1201 01:09:58,606 --> 01:10:02,565 Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. 1202 01:10:02,646 --> 01:10:04,477 I heard the two of you talking. 1203 01:10:04,566 --> 01:10:06,397 She wasn't talkin' about you. 1204 01:10:06,486 --> 01:10:08,716 She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. 1205 01:10:11,166 --> 01:10:13,475 She wasn't talking about me? 1206 01:10:13,566 --> 01:10:15,761 Well, then who was she talking about? 1207 01:10:15,846 --> 01:10:18,440 No way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. 1208 01:10:18,526 --> 01:10:20,721 - Right? Right? - Donkey! 1209 01:10:20,806 --> 01:10:23,240 - No! - Okay, look. 1210 01:10:23,326 --> 01:10:25,157 I'm sorry, all right? 1212 01:10:29,846 --> 01:10:33,316 I'm sorry. 1213 01:10:33,406 --> 01:10:37,479 I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 1214 01:10:38,646 --> 01:10:40,523 Can you forgive me? 1215 01:10:42,646 --> 01:10:44,477 Hey, that's what friends are for, right? 1216 01:10:44,566 --> 01:10:47,126 Right. Friends? 1217 01:10:47,206 --> 01:10:49,037 Friends. 1218 01:10:49,126 --> 01:10:51,959 So, um, 1219 01:10:52,046 --> 01:10:54,196 what did Fiona say about me? 1220 01:10:54,286 --> 01:10:57,278 What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? 1221 01:10:57,366 --> 01:11:00,244 The wedding! We'll never make it in time. 1222 01:11:00,326 --> 01:11:03,398 Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way… 1223 01:11:03,486 --> 01:11:05,522 … and I have a way. 1224 01:11:09,726 --> 01:11:12,081 Donkey? 1225 01:11:12,166 --> 01:11:14,441 I guess it's just my animal magnetism. 1226 01:11:14,526 --> 01:11:17,563 Aw, come here, you. 1227 01:11:17,646 --> 01:11:20,319 All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. 1228 01:11:20,406 --> 01:11:22,840 All right, hop on and hold on tight. 1229 01:11:22,926 --> 01:11:26,282 I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. 1233 01:11:56,646 --> 01:11:59,080 People of DuLoc… 1234 01:11:59,166 --> 01:12:01,726 … we gather here today... 1235 01:12:01,806 --> 01:12:03,762 to bear witness... 1236 01:12:03,846 --> 01:12:05,677 … to the union... 1237 01:12:05,766 --> 01:12:08,121 - …of our new king... - Excuse me. 1238 01:12:08,206 --> 01:12:10,766 Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? 1239 01:12:10,846 --> 01:12:12,677 Go on. 1240 01:12:17,526 --> 01:12:20,996 Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? 1241 01:12:23,526 --> 01:12:25,357 Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! 1242 01:12:25,446 --> 01:12:28,006 - You wanna do this right, don't you? - What are you talking about? 1243 01:12:28,086 --> 01:12:29,917 There's a line you gotta wait for. 1244 01:12:30,006 --> 01:12:32,395 The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." 1245 01:12:32,486 --> 01:12:36,081 - That's when you say, "I object!" - I don't have time for this! 1246 01:12:36,166 --> 01:12:37,804 Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! 1247 01:12:37,886 --> 01:12:39,717 - Look, you love this woman, don't you? - Yes. 1248 01:12:39,806 --> 01:12:41,034 - You wanna hold her? - Yes. 1249 01:12:41,126 --> 01:12:43,242 - Please her? - Yes! 1250 01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:45,840 “Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness” 1251 01:12:45,926 --> 01:12:48,565 - The chicks love that romantic crap! - All right! Cut it out. 1252 01:12:48,646 --> 01:12:52,116 - When does this guy say the line? - We gotta check it out. 1253 01:12:52,206 --> 01:12:55,243 And so, by the power vested in me, 1254 01:12:55,326 --> 01:12:58,443 - What do you see? - The whole town's in there. 1255 01:12:58,526 --> 01:13:01,518 - I now pronounce you husband and wife, - They're at the altar. 1256 01:13:01,606 --> 01:13:04,040 - King and queen. - Mother Fletcher! He already said it. 1257 01:13:04,126 --> 01:13:06,640 Oh, for the love of Pete! 1258 01:13:07,846 --> 01:13:09,802 I object! 1259 01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:11,877 - Shrek? 1260 01:13:11,966 --> 01:13:13,797 Oh, now what does he want? 1262 01:13:17,246 --> 01:13:20,158 Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? 1263 01:13:20,246 --> 01:13:22,362 I love DuLoc, first of all. 1264 01:13:22,446 --> 01:13:24,835 - Very clean. - What are you doing here? 1265 01:13:24,926 --> 01:13:27,724 Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, 1266 01:13:27,806 --> 01:13:31,003 - but showing up uninvited to a wedding... - Fiona! 1267 01:13:31,086 --> 01:13:33,964 - I need to talk to you. - Oh, now you wanna talk? 1268 01:13:34,046 --> 01:13:36,879 It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me... 1269 01:13:36,966 --> 01:13:39,241 - But you can't marry him. - And why not? 1270 01:13:39,326 --> 01:13:43,035 Because... Because he's just marrying you so he can be king. 1271 01:13:43,126 --> 01:13:45,401 Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. 1272 01:13:45,486 --> 01:13:48,956 - He's not your true love. - And what do you know about true love? 1273 01:13:49,046 --> 01:13:51,321 Well, l... Uh... 1274 01:13:51,406 --> 01:13:54,637 - I mean... - Oh, this is precious. 1275 01:13:54,726 --> 01:13:59,197 The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! 1276 01:13:59,286 --> 01:14:01,436 - Oh, good Lord. 1277 01:14:01,526 --> 01:14:03,357 An ogre and a princess! 1279 01:14:08,766 --> 01:14:11,155 Shrek, is this true? 1280 01:14:12,526 --> 01:14:14,960 Who cares? It's preposterous! 1281 01:14:15,046 --> 01:14:18,516 Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." 1282 01:14:18,606 --> 01:14:21,074 Now kiss me! 1283 01:14:25,006 --> 01:14:28,203 “By night one way, by day another”. 1284 01:14:30,046 --> 01:14:32,685 I wanted to show you before. 1286 01:14:54,326 --> 01:14:56,760 Well, uh… 1287 01:14:56,846 --> 01:14:58,757 … that explains a lot. 1288 01:14:58,846 --> 01:15:02,361 Ugh! It's disgusting! 1289 01:15:02,446 --> 01:15:04,402 Guards! Guards! 1290 01:15:04,486 --> 01:15:07,523 I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! 1291 01:15:07,606 --> 01:15:10,279 - Get them both! - No, no! 1292 01:15:10,366 --> 01:15:13,961 This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! 1293 01:15:14,046 --> 01:15:16,241 - See? See? - No, let go of me! Shrek! 1294 01:15:16,326 --> 01:15:17,964 - No! - Don't just stand there, you morons. 1295 01:15:18,046 --> 01:15:20,480 Get out of my way! Fiona! 1297 01:15:25,526 --> 01:15:28,404 I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! 1298 01:15:28,486 --> 01:15:31,284 - You'll beg for death to save you! - No! Shrek! 1299 01:15:31,366 --> 01:15:34,722 - And as for you, my wife, - Fiona! 1300 01:15:34,806 --> 01:15:37,366 I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! 1301 01:15:37,446 --> 01:15:39,198 I am king! 1302 01:15:39,286 --> 01:15:42,915 I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have... 1304 01:15:47,166 --> 01:15:49,805 All right. Nobody move. 1305 01:15:49,886 --> 01:15:51,877 I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. 1306 01:15:51,966 --> 01:15:54,480 I'm a donkey on the edge! 1308 01:15:58,966 --> 01:16:01,275 Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? 1310 01:16:03,366 --> 01:16:05,118 Go ahead, Shrek. 1311 01:16:06,446 --> 01:16:08,641 Uh, Fiona? 1312 01:16:09,726 --> 01:16:11,842 Yes, Shrek? 1313 01:16:11,926 --> 01:16:15,805 l... I love you. 1314 01:16:15,886 --> 01:16:18,036 Really? 1315 01:16:19,086 --> 01:16:21,964 Really, really. 1316 01:16:22,046 --> 01:16:23,877 I love you too. 1318 01:16:32,566 --> 01:16:35,683 "Until you find true love's first kiss... 1319 01:16:35,766 --> 01:16:38,917 …and then take love's true form”. 1320 01:17:01,526 --> 01:17:04,324 “Take love's true form. Take love's true form”. 1321 01:17:10,246 --> 01:17:12,635 Fiona? 1322 01:17:15,046 --> 01:17:17,514 Fiona. 1323 01:17:17,606 --> 01:17:20,040 Are you all right? 1324 01:17:20,126 --> 01:17:21,957 Well, yes. 1325 01:17:22,046 --> 01:17:25,163 But I don't understand. 1326 01:17:25,246 --> 01:17:27,282 I'm supposed to be beautiful. 1327 01:17:29,886 --> 01:17:32,036 But you are beautiful. 1329 01:17:34,486 --> 01:17:36,841 I was hoping this would be a happy ending. 1367 01:19:32,926 --> 01:19:35,076 Oh, that's funny. 1368 01:19:35,166 --> 01:19:37,680 I can't breathe. I can't breathe.