Don't stress. Just relax.
I understand you can lose keys.
You can lose your wallet. How do you lose a plane?
Reese, what do you want me to do?
We got three out of four planes in. That's a lot of coke.
Now, that's the kind of winning attitude that'll take this enterprise to the top.
In all fairness, Reese, it wasn't his fault.
Are you his attorney? Why are you in the conversation?
Come on, I'm kidding!
- I'm just kidding with you. - He loves to joke.
Terrence here is absolutely right. I mean, hell, three out of four ain't bad.
Let's celebrate. Who wants a beer?
- Great! - Okay.
- Baby! - Coke. It costs money.
Planes. They cost money.
This yacht, this perm, my kid's braces, it all costs money. Do you think Kitty's free?
Kitty, turn around. Turn around!
Reese, please put the gun down.
Now, the next time that a plane goes down, you better be on it.
Will you do my back, please?
- Sure. - I don't wanna tan weird.
- Am I tanning weird? - No.
- Honestly. - You're bronzing.
There's no such thing as a petty crime.
No minor infractions.
There's only the law.
Freeze! Bay City P.D.!
That's me in the leather jacket and tight jeans.
See that guy I'm chasing? I hate him.
And I'll do everything in my power to stop him.
Wanna play, let's play.
Because it's my job to stop him.
Goddamn!
And the city pays me a damn good salary to do my job.
Besides, he crossed the line.
And in Bay City, when you cross the line...
... your nuts are mine.
I said, freeze!
My name is David Starsky, and I'm a cop.
I've always had this theory about police work:
If you can't beat them, join them.
No! No! No!
Put the money in there.
Too many cops worry about the wrong thing: Crime.
Not me, though. I'm looking out for numero uno.
- Hey, old-timer. Put this on Dallas. - Come on! Let's go!
I'm just a realist, that's all.
And besides, you have any idea how little the city pays us?
Freeze! Bay City P.D.!
Take it easy.
Guys, come on. I'm undercover here.
My name is Ken Hutchinson, and I'm a cop.
Where did they come from?
Jesus Christ, Starsky.
You fired three rounds into a crowded intersection.
We got a man with a broken hip...
...and some asshole wants a new top for his Caddy?
That purse had $ 7 in it.
- Okay, want my badge? Here, take it. - Fine.
Come on. I was just making a point.
David, David.
Your mother was one of the finest cops Bay City ever seen.
Twenty-two years on the force with the same partner.
You have had 12 partners over the past four years.
She died a legend.
I am not my mother!
I'm sorry. Detective Hutchinson is here.
Send him in. Have a seat.
- How you doing, captain? - I believe you two know each other.
Yeah, a little bit. How you doing?
- Yeah, right. - Hutch.
You've got a lot of explaining to do.
I know. Look, I was trying to infiltrate one of the East Side gangs...
...and work my way up to the big fish. It's simple.
- You were robbing a bookie. - That's right.
You've robbed seven bookies.
You haven't filed a report, turned in any money or arrested anybody.
How can I? They'll know I'm a cop.
I wouldn't worry, you won't be mistaken for a real cop.
Oh, really? Why don't you go get yourself another perm and let the grownups talk.
- My hair is naturally curly. - No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. - That's a perm job, all the way.
Touch it!
Hey! Why are you touching him?
Jesus!
You know something?
You two deserve each other.
Make nice. You're partners.
- You're crazy. - No, I'm not.
I don't know why you're so upset.
The guy cost us 200 grand. A "thank you" might be more appropriate.
Who cares about 200 grand? What if they link us to the murder?
- They won't link us to the murder. - You don't know that.
Will you let it go, please? Jesus.
- Take a lude. Calm down. - I did, and I'm still pissed.
Okay, fine. Fine, fine. Look, I'm sorry, all right?
I promise, I'm not gonna kill Terrence again. Now, pull it together.
Let's go.
Gentlemen, I apologize about the delay.
But I promise you what we have is worth the wait.
- It looks like cocaine. - That's because it is cocaine.
With a twist. You see, we've managed to find a way...
...to alter the cell structure of the coca plant...
...giving it a heightened perfluoralkylation process...
...creating a new kind of diazomethane.
Gets a little complicated after that.
Excuse me.
So do you get extra high or what?
Actually, it has all the same effects as regular cocaine.
Well, if it's the same, why are we here?
Canis familiaris. The German shepherd.
Its nose has over 220 million scent receptors.
It can detect smells that even the most advanced technology in the world cannot.
For example:
Lvan, search!
Lvan, stop!
What do you got? You holding?
He brought old coke.
This is new coke.
As far as a dog's concerned, there's nothing there. 100 percent undetectable cocaine.
Got no coke smell...
...same coke ride.
Tastes kind of sweet.
If this shit wasn't illegal, guys, we'd be up for the Nobel Prize.
Our initial run pumped out two tons of this stuff...
...and it'll be available in about three weeks.
You boys know who to call.
Ivan!
You don't understand.
They're not like you.
They're criminals.
Look, I know we all got to make living.
But these guys, they are dealing hard drugs right in front of my shop.
I can dig what you're saying, Mr. Chowdury.
- I wanna thank you for coming in today. - Of course.
Those gentlemen you speak of, they'll no longer be a problem.
You have my word.
This is my neighborhood. People tend to forget that.
Bee Bee, make sure he gets home safely.
- Yeah, boss. - Thank you very much, Huggy.
You are a great man.
- Begone, little Indian. - Let's go, little man. Come on.
Taking up time.
- This neighborhood is in need of some help. - It's cold-blooded, daddy.
- Who's next? - You got Hutch waiting outside.
- What you got my man waiting outside for? - He brought some extra fuzz with him.
So what? You go get him and get him in here now.
You've never run an errand on the clock before?
I take care of my personal business after work, when the taxpayers aren't paying me.
Give me a break. You've never stopped to buy a cup of coffee?
I bring a Thermos.
Okay, Hutch. He'll see you now.
Wait here, I'll be back in five minutes.
Second door on the right.
- How you doing? - Hi, Hutch.
- Hey, look what the wind blew in. - Huggy Bear.
Hey, I want you to meet my new partner, David Starsky.
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, nobody touches the Bear.
Have a seat.
- Hutch, the usual? - You know it. Make it a double.
Get my boy a Jack and Tab.
- And double that. - You got it, boss.
- I'll get a seltzer with lime, if you got it. - I don't got it.
Or not. It's cool. I'm good.
I just came by to apologize for what happened in Chinatown.
Let me tell you, I was as surprised as you were.
Don't sweat it, baby. I wasn't surprised.
You know I ain't never surprised.
Hey, champ.
You got a permit for that weapon you're carrying?
Starsky, please.
No, I don't.
Yeah, me neither.
I'm sorry, did I say something that was funny?
- Stop it. He's kidding. - No, I'm not kidding.
I wanna see permits or I'm taking those weapons.
Slow up, man. Around here, we govern ourselves.
Think of us like Luxembourg.
- You dig? - No, I don't dig.
See, Luxembourg's a constitutional monarchy...
...a sovereign state established after the Treaty of Vienna.
Technically, it's a part of Europe. But in reality, they govern themselves.
- Like us. - Just like us.
All right, enough, okay?
- Shit! - Hold up! Hold up!
Just chill out! Chill! Watch yourself.
- Oh, no. Hell, no. - You okay?
What happened? Did he shoot Corky?
Your boy shot his tail off.
- He lost his tail? - You should keep it in a terrarium.
- Man, what the hell is a terrarium? - What's a terrarium?
It's an artificial ecosystem designed to simulate Corky's natural habitat.
Well, I can dig that. But I say we shoot him in the ass.
Oh, hell, yeah. An eye for an eye.
Take it easy. Huggy, help me out here.
Slow up, fellas. An iguana can lose his tail and grow it back.
He regenerates. That's how he escapes his predator.
It's true. It's a defense mechanism. I read it in a magazine.
So him shooting Corky's tail off and us shooting him in the ass...
...it really ain't the same thing. - No, the punishment don't fit the crime.
And besides, it was an accident, right?
Right.
- So we're cool. - We're always cool, breeze.
Lower your pieces.
Good morning, Bay City, you are tuned in to KBA Y, 93.3 on your dial.
This next tune is number eight on the charts and number one in our hearts.
Hey, Hutch!
Oh, there he is. What's going on, Willis?
Same old, same old.
So how's life at the clink treating you?
It's not that great.
I got some new tight-ass partner that they stuck me with and then...
I don't know. Hopefully... It's probably not gonna last that long.
- So got that $20 you owe me? - 20?
Willis, I thought it was 5.
Hutch, that was my grandmother's birthday money.
Come on, give me a break, okay? I just told you I got a new partner.
Stuff isn't great for me down at the precinct. You know, back off for a second.
- Can I get it to you on Thursday? - Fine, but no later than Thursday.
No later than Thursday. Word of honor.
Cute little kid.
It's 10:00. You're late. I've been here since 8.
8:00? I didn't know this place opened at 8.
Well, don't sweat it, because crime called in sick. It's gonna get a late start too.
"Crime called in sick," I like that.
- So, what's on the agenda today? - Same as every day.
- Finding bad guys, bringing them down. - Great. Take my car, right there.
- That? - Yeah.
- What the hell is that? - It's like a camper/pickup truck.
- What's the matter? - We're undercover.
- That thing sticks out like a sore thumb. - You think so?
You're in for a treat.
It's not that bad.
Man, your stock just went up in my book, my friend.
Pop the hood. Let's see what you got under...
Hotshot, what do you think you're doing? This is a Ford Gran Torino, okay?
It's not some crappy camper/apartment. There are rules.
- Okay, okay. - You do not bang on the hood.
You never, under any circumstances, drive.
You will not put your coffee mug on the roof. Okay?
No coffee in the car whatsoever. Coffee on the ground, you get in the car, we go.
Attention, all units. We've got a 61-40 at Bay City Marina.
Oh, no.
This is Zebra 3. We're on it. Hang on.
You gotta be kidding me. No way.
- What? - Floater.
Nothing harder to solve than a floater. No prints, body's usually bloated...
...it's next to impossible. All right, I say we push it out...
...hope the current takes it to the next precinct.
- What? - You'll thank me for this one.
- Hey, seriously, stop it. - The key is not to pop it.
- Hey. - You gotta be very ginger.
- What are you doing? - I said, drop the stick.
You point a gun at me? Okay, fine, have it your way.
Knock yourself out.
- What are you gonna solve, anyway? - I'm gonna solve a murder.
Monday, June 3rd. Male Caucasian body, apparently dumped from the Bay Bridge.
Actually, there's no sign of impact, so he was probably just dropped out at sea.
Could you please not talk while I'm recording?
Thank you.
All right, I'm just gonna call in the meat wagon, all right?
Looks like you punched your last ticket, amigo.
I'm sorry, did you just tough-talk a dead body?
I lost my flow.
- Zebra 3 to base. - Dispatch. Go ahead, Zebra 3.
We're gonna need a coroner notification. We got a DB down at municipal jetty.
10-4, will inform.
Tell them to bring a body bag and some galoshes. He's a wet one.
Copy that, Starsky.
Found a wallet. Nothing in it.
- Medium-rare, okay? - You got it.
Look at all these cops. You wanna eat here?
It's a great place. Pop's? Come on.
"If you're one of the cops, eat at Pop's."
- Okay, hot stuff. - Zebra 3.
2- 11 in progress, please respond.
- Go for Starsky. - Hurry, Starsky.
We got two perps holding up a gumball machine on 5th Street.
- Let's go. - A gumball machine?
- Lethal force if necessary!
Very funny, Manetti.
Hey, it's Captain and Tennille.
That means one of you would actually have to make captain.
- Radio's for police business only. - That's true. Why'd they give you one?
- Let's get out of here. - Not that funny.
That Manetti really thinks he's something. But you know what?
- He's not. - Take it easy.
- You think that's funny? - No, no, I mean, you just gotta rise above it.
- What do we got in the wallet? - Not much.
Driver's license, couple receipts. No cash whatsoever.
"Reese Feldman Corporation."
What do you call that?
Terrence Meyers.
That name does sound vaguely familiar.
- Isn't he part of our Nearly There program? - I think he is.
Terrence Meyers. Baby, isn't he the guy dating a Bay City Kitty?
Remember? We were joking about it.
Really? Bay City Kitty. You mean the cheerleaders.
You happen to remember her name?
No, I don't.
- Can I get you boys anything else? - We're good. Thank you so much, honey.
That's my angel. I love her.
A second ago you mentioned the Nearly There Foundation. What is that?
That's a program that we set up to help ex-cons get back on their feet.
Their parole requires them to have a job. The Catch-22...
...is not that many people are excited to hire a felon.
Those poor ex-cons, they can't catch a break.
No, it's a vicious cycle they get caught up in.
- Did you see the article in The New Times? - Bet your ass I did. I love that writer.
But I'd be lying if I didn't say that we get some pretty good tax breaks too.
There it is, the kicker.
- Just a perk. - This sly dog here.
- What do you got? - Tickets to our annual fundraiser.
- Be my guests. - No, we can't accept gratuities.
It's against policy.
These don't look like gratuities, they look like tickets. I'd be happy to accept.
Hey, what about Terrence? Is he in some kind of trouble?
He's dead. His body washed up in the marina this morning.
Oh, no.
"Punched his last ticket," as they say.
You know, you try to do all you can for these guys, but it's just never enough, is it?
No, I guess it isn't.
- When was the last time you saw him? - The last place I saw...
This is a nice boat.
- Reese, is this yours? - Actually, that's a yacht.
- I'm sorry, a yacht. - Excuse me, Hutch.
Can we please focus on the investigation?
- Sure. - Thank you.
I could use another one of these.
Right on! That was great, girls! Take five!
- Let's go. - Look alive. Here they come.
We usually don't allow spectators. Even cute ones.
David Starsky, Bay City P.D. My partner, Ken Hutchinson.
- Girls. - They're so cute.
I'm Stacey. That's Holly.
God, I loved your moves out there. Fantastic.
I've never dated a cop before.
My horoscope said I should try new things today.
- Is that right? - You're awful.
So, what brings you around here, officers?
Well, you know, that depends.
Yeah. Either of you two know a Terrence Meyers?
- Oh, yeah, Heather dated him. - Oh, yeah.
The girl over there with the yellow top. But they split up. We haven't seen him.
- Let's go ask Heather some questions. - Thank you.
Be careful with those moves. You could hurt someone.
Oh, that's why we practice.
Actually, I was talking about us.
Where did that come from?
- I would've tried the horoscope line. - No, too obvious.
Hey!
- Wait up. - See what I mean?
- Here's my number. - In case you need us for...
...questioning.
Thank you, ladies.
- Bye. - Bye.
He was always fascinated by all that macho mobster bullshit.
I hope this is okay. I need to make this quick.
- I gotta pick my kid up in 20 minutes. - Oh, yeah, totally.
We were gonna move in together. He promised he'd quit...
...that stuff after he got out.
But then he goes and gets himself killed. He's such an asshole.
I can only imagine what you must be going through. I think that...
Honestly, you know, if I knew what he was up to, I'd be happy to tell you.
But we didn't talk much.
Yeah. So did you...?
When did he...? Did he...? What did...?
- So Hutch, do you got any more questions? - Yeah, well, sure. We could...
What's your sign?
Gemini.
What...
- What do you weigh? - What does that have to do with anything?
It has everything to do with anything. Just answer the question, please, ma'am.
Around 115, I guess, give or take a pound or two.
- I wish I could be more helpful. - Stop.
Don't do that. You've been great. I mean, it's terrific. We got what we needed.
Anything else?
- I'm good. - Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Oh, wait. I don't know if this will be of any help. It's his.
Take it. I don't want it.
Okay. Thank you. Again.
- Things getting any better at work, Hutch? - Actually, work was pretty good today.
- How about you? Anything new? - Nope.
You get a chance to ask that girl out?
I want you to meet my new partner, David Starsky.
Nice to meet you.
Is this the dickweed you were telling me about?
Look, just shake his hand. Come on.
Go on, hop in. Willis.
- Dickweed? - His mom works late on Wednesdays...
...so I kind of look after him.
- You take a kid out on patrol with you? - Yeah, that's what we do, isn't it, Willis?
- Patrol! - Whatever you say, Hutch.
Damn!
- Man, this thing is bad! - Don't encourage him.
Oh, shit.
Starsky, this your ride?
Damn. You just moved up a notch in my book.
That puts you at notch one.
- I like your Lincoln. - It's a '76. It won't be out till next year.
I know people that know people that robbed some people.
So, what do you hear on the street these days?
Dig this. A little bird tells me there's gonna be a big coke deal in Bay City.
- One for the Guinness Books, so they say. - Interesting.
- Who would this little bird be? - Look, I lay it out for y'all to play it out.
All right. What does that mean?
- Don't worry about it. - Huggy, what can you tell us about this?
This looks like the work of Big Earl.
This boy loves dragons. He makes these with his hands, you know?
There's his name stitched right up under the dragon's belly.
- Big Earl? - Yeah, he sews, but he's one tough mother.
He owns a biker bar about 80 miles east of Route 4.
Biker bar? What goes on down there?
I don't know. Listen to Jim Croce...
...play darts, whatever the hell else you white people do.
Look, fuzz, I gots to buzz. This meeting is adjourned.
- That's it? - That's it.
- He lays it out for us to play it out. - Oh, and by the way, this little meeting?
- It never happened. - What meeting?
C'est la vie, gentlemen.
- Great new technique where you press hard.
- Hands. What, it's a verbal technique? - No.
Keep your hands on me, I'm teasing.
- What do you got on those cops? - Everything.
- Records, home addresses, credit history. - Nice.
- Starsky and Hutchinson? - They call him Hutch, actually.
I don't have enough on my plate already?
I got a major coke deal, my daughter's bat mitzvah, which is a total nightmare.
- And now these two guys. - You think they're on to us?
They are investigating a murder. That's what cops do. It's why we pay taxes.
You're the worst. You kidding? Will you look at these two guys?
He's cute, the blond.
But I like dark hair.
Maybe we ought to push this whole thing.
- Till things cool off? - Kevin, please, with the worry.
We're moving ahead as scheduled. I'll handle those two clowns.
So tomorrow, I say we check out this biker bar, do a little deep cover.
Sounds good.
Who does your wig work?
- I'm sorry, my what? - Your wig work.
Your undercover work, your disguises.
- You have a wig guy? - Oh, yeah, he's incredible.
Well, if it isn't Sonny and Cher.
- Sonny and Cher. - Sit on it, Manetti.
- Me sit on it? - Yeah, you, sit on it.
Why don't you sit on it, Starsky, how's that sound?
You wish. Because I'm never sitting on it, ever.
That's not what I heard.
- Starsky! - Come on. Come on!
- Jesus! - Stop it!
What the hell is going on? Cool your jets, Starsky!
Everybody, back off!
Including you, Manetti.
I apologize, captain. You're absolutely right.
You know, you're not even worth it, Starsky. And for the record...
...those are hand towels. The big towels are on the top shelf.
Hand towels. What a rod.
Jesus Christ. He's right. Go cover up.
Who are you guys?
My name's Kansas. And this is my little man Toto.
We're Jesters from up in Big Cliff, coming down and check out your place. This it?
Is this your place?
- Yeah. - Nice.
Tell me, if you two are Jesters, what's our credo?
Credo.
Well...
You almost got me there. There's no credo.
Other than the secret credo.
It ain't no secret. It's written right on our damn crest.
A trick question? If it's printed on the crest, you don't give it as a test.
Anybody can read the crest. That wouldn't prove we're Jesters. Not cool.
- That's a fake mustache. - Oh, really?
Well, I wonder if you think this is fake.
- Now, we got some questions! - I don't gotta give you nothing, cop!
Wrong! First, you've gotta give me a little respect.
Second, you're gonna give me some answers, comprende, muchacho?
- I like your style. - I like your moves.
Now, where were we?
You were gonna tell us about Terrence Meyers.
Who's Terrence Meyers?
- Wrong answer, Big Earl. - Big Earl? I'm not Big Earl.
- I'm Jeff. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Jeff? - No one's who they say they are.
Look.
Honest, think about it. I'm not even big.
Yeah. No, that's a good point.
Maybe it's an ironic name, like Tiny over in Vice. He's, like, 8 feet tall.
- Everybody says he's tiny... - I know, except this guy's normal size.
He'd have to be a lot smaller for a name like Big Earl to be ironic.
You don't have to be a midget. You're not exactly...
- How tall are you? - I don't know, 5'9"?
- Well, that is kind of... Basically... - Borderline. It's average.
Look. Big Earl got pinched two weeks ago. He's in Bay City Correctional.
I took over the bar till he gets out.
Jeff, I'm sorry. We apologize.
We're gonna pay Big Earl a visit.
Let me get this for you. There you go. Good as new.
A word of advice: Next time you watch a place...
...don't claim you own it because you watch it.
I housesit for my sister all the time, it's not like I claim that I own her house.
That goes for all y'all.
Don't pretend to be something you're not.
Just be who you are.
That's what's really cool.
How did you get in? Visiting hours are over.
Special treatment.
We got some questions about Terrence Meyers.
- Terrence Meyers? - Yeah.
You made this jacket for him?
Gee whiz, I don't seem to know anyone by that name at all.
Hard customer.
Offer him a radio or some bullshit.
Maybe we can make your stay a little more comfortable.
- Nice transistor radio for your cell? - No.
- How about a TV? - I tell you what.
I do like your blonde friend, here.
Let me see your bellybutton.
No. What... Let's go. Come on.
- No, listen. - No, no! I'm not...
Hold on. He's obviously a freak.
Just show him a little skin. Show him your stomach.
Nobody's here. Come on.
- Are we cool? - Yes, we're cool.
Oh, eureka. God, that's nice.
It's like a little bowl of oatmeal with a hole in it.
- I got one too. - Oh, come on.
I just got a little more brown sugar on mine.
Did you say "Terrence Meyers"?
Yeah, I think I did make that jacket. We might have pulled a job together.
What job? Who were you working for?
Stand up. Walk to the back and do a spin for me.
Wait a second. I just showed you my stomach...
Come on, a deal's a deal, Earl.
Fine, then this conversation is over.
Wait. Wait.
- Hold it. Come on. Wait. - I can't hear you.
Get up.
- Tell him to take his jacket off. - Take your jacket off.
- Slow spin. - He says to do a slow spin.
Tell him to arch his back and then look back at me, mean.
Like a dragon.
He says to arch your back and look back at him, mean, like a dragon.
But keep it mean.
Tell him great job. He can sit down.
You're a very convincing dragon. You should feel good about that.
Just get this over with.
Okay, here's the deal.
Terrence and I worked as extra muscle for a couple of dealers.
I'd like to tell you who, but I don't know.
I never got a name, I never got a face.
But I do know one thing:
They paid us in coke. I was pretty pissed at the time.
I was hoping to get cash. I'm no coke dealer.
Right, so where's the coke?
If we find that coke, we can probably trace it.
Fine. Fine.
Look, I like you guys, okay?
Especially you. Okay? Don't feel bad about that.
But I like you guys, so I'll tell you.
But...
But first I need to see something, okay?
And it's gonna involve both of you.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
It's gonna get weird.
Two dragons.
Ready? Both of you, take your shirts off.
But do it slow.
I guess it's supposed to rain later tonight.
Yeah, that's what I heard.
- Look, you know, what happened... - Can we please not talk about this, Hutch?
We got the coke. Let's not ever talk about it.
You're right. That's a good policy.
We got what we came for.
- You think dragons ever... - Stop, I don't want to talk about it!
What the hell is wrong with you two?
- Come on, what are you...? - You have brought disgrace...
...on everyone who's ever worn a uniform.
My God.
- We didn't know there was a camera. - Cap, we're sorry.
At least we got the stash.
There's gotta be 30 grams of coke here, minimum.
This could lead us to the dealers that iced Terrence Meyers.
It's evidence. We can print the bag, run forensics.
We did. We got nothing.
What we got is a bag of artificial sweetener.
What are you talking about?
My granny wouldn't think this was coke.
Come on, that's impossible. We got the stuff from Big Earl.
- I'm taking you two off this floater. - What?
- I'm giving it to Manetti. - Manetti? Oh, come on, cap!
- Manetti's the worst cop on the force! - Starsky. Stop.
Go on, sit down. Come on.
Look, captain, we're sorry, but come on. You can't take us off this.
I just did. Now, leave.
And take your bag of artificial sweetener with you.
- Kicking the chair was a nice touch. - Yeah, too bad it didn't work.
He'll get over it.
What I can't figure out is why Earl got paid with bunk cocaine.
Now we've got two leads.
- We do? - Stacey and Holly.
- Those two cheerleaders? - No, no, those two witnesses.
They met Terrence.
Let's take them out, see what we can learn.
I mean, is it our fault that they also happen to be a couple of hot foxes?
Reese, I couldn't help myself. They were cops.
- They were just too macho. - Macho?
- It's simple. You should have lied. - I did. I lied about you.
I didn't tell them anything.
But I had to give them something. They were so pure.
You're lucky you're in the joint. Do you understand me?
- Look at the bright side. - Bright side?
It's the ultimate test. The coke was in the police station.
They cleared it. You should be happy.
Well, guess what? I'm not happy.
I'm not happy at all about it, Earl!
Don't shush me! Don't tell me to calm down!
- Understand? - What are you wearing? Quick.
What am I wearing?
Silk flowered shirt and a vest. Why?
That's gorgeous.
- You sick son of a bitch. - Don't hang up. Don't hang up!
God. Some people.
I'm not gonna be able to fit in my uniform tomorrow.
Is that a good or bad thing?
Is this the way you two always treat witnesses?
Well, that depends. If it's a misdemeanor, we've been known to skip the fondue...
...and move right to foot massages. Let me see.
Watch out! Wait a minute, I think that's police brutality.
- Anybody for some coffee? - No, thanks.
Okay, one for le chef.
Wow. This place is great.
It serves my needs. It's cozy. Homey.
- Can you help me find the sugar? - It's there.
Hutch, help me find the sugar.
- Okay. Pardon me. - Okay.
- How we doing? - Great.
- Your fondue put us over the top. - Really?
Which one do you like? We're gonna stick to this.
- I have a thing for blondes. - Good. I'll take anything.
They're sweet little angels.
In two minutes, I want you to grab my guitar...
...bring it to me, put it in my hands and step back.
- You play? - Just bring me the guitar.
Wait. Hey, hey, where's the sugar?
I don't think I have any.
- That's great. He's a cop. - Come here.
- Both of you. - You're so funny.
It's like a magpie convention in here.
Let's get the cup out.
Thank you, Big Earl.
Do you ever get scared out there, on the streets?
Yeah. I'd like to say no, but the truth is, I do sometimes.
I'm one of those guys that's more about helping others than helping myself.
- There we go. - It's all I knew.
It's more that there's someone I might not be able to help.
A citizen that needs aid, or even an animal.
- Look what I found. - Put that away. Put it away!
Hutch, you gotta play. Come on. Play, play. Please.
Don't you wanna play? Come on. Hutch!
All right. Holly, turn off the music.
- Now, come on! - Oh, sorry.
Look alive. Let's go.
- Hutch is gonna play. - What have you gotten me into, Starsky?
- Thought we were partners. - Come on, Hutch!
One, two, three.
- That was great, Hutch! - Come on, you guys.
It was just a guy here with a guitar, singing his heart out.
Starsky's bored.
- Anybody else bored? - What?
- A club could be fun. - Club. Yeah.
Okay, I'll get some more coffee and then we'll go.
Is he okay?
Isn't this place great?
Do you like places like this?
You're a cheerleader, so you're dancing in formation.
This place can't be fun, because it's like you're at work.
Are you okay? You seem kind of wound up.
Wound up? No, I'm just pumped. I'm excited.
Rock-solid, ready to go. A little bit paranoid, but feeling really good.
- Can I kiss you? - Okay.
- Watch it, man. - Excuse me?
I said, watch it. Floor's for dancing. You can tell by the lights.
- Wanna tangle, curly? - Come on. No.
- No, we're gonna dance. - No, no, no.
Curly wants to tangle.
- Do you really want a piece of this? - I don't want a piece.
I want the whole thing.
Yeah!
- Oh, my, folks! - Please don't do this.
- Don't worry. I can take him. - It's not that.
You shouldn't do this because it's so lame.
Tonight, our own Dancing Rick is being called out...
...by new guy David Stamsky. - No, no, Starsky.
Back at you. If you've got a pair of sunglasses...
...l'd put them on, because I got a feeling these two are gonna light it up!
Boz, reel it in!
All right, settle down. Everybody settle.
You know the rules. Keep it safe, keep it sexy...
...and above all, turn up the night!
Dancing Rick getting warmed up here.
What's he gonna bring out for the appetizer course?
Oh, it's a little hand-over-hand tuggle, man, right into the center of the floor.
That's all he's giving him.
That's a bucketful of confidence.
Over to new guy David Starsky.
This guy could be trouble.
It's the Wild West. Those are six-guns full of sexy.
The good, the bad and the groovy.
One, two, three, four, we've got disco war, folks.
Dancing Rick's going, "I don't like you, but I respect your moves."
Here comes Starsky again.
Driving that disco big rig. Shift gears, blow your funky horn.
Pull into the truck stop and get yourself some scrapple made out of sexy.
Disco Rick brings it right back and he's not wasting any time, folks.
From the future of 1984, that's a funky disco robot.
They're both on the floor, folks, eye to eye. It's disco Vietnam.
Neither one's blinking or backing down.
Let's see what happens.
Angry cat. Kitten has claws.
All right, looks like it's over. Remember, $2 Harvey Wall...
Oh, my God! David Starsky, taking it over the line!
How about that? Very sexy, very macho.
But that's a little too close to call.
We'll have to depend on our patented American Lights Applause-O-Meter.
So let's bring out our combatants, folks. Come on, big hand for them.
Here we go.
First off, over to my man, Dancing Rick.
And over to the new guy, David Starsky.
Folks, pretty close. I hate to do this...
...but I gotta give it to my man Dancing Rick.
Boo! Boo!
What? Hey, hey, do it again! That's B.S.
- What? - I won. Do the applause thing again!
It was just for fun. Forget it...
- I said, do it again, liar! - Not cool, not cool!
- Liar! Do it again! - All right.
Hey, hey, settle down. Settle down.
I'm a cop. It's cool.
It's okay.
It's okay, it's okay! Calm down, people.
Bay City P.D. We got him.
We're gonna get you home.
- Where am I? - You were freaking out.
- I had to take you down. - What?
There we go.
Easy does it.
Here we go.
I think I was drugged.
Sounds like you did coke.
I mean, from what I've read about the effects.
I don't use coke. I had coffee tonight.
- What is that? - Sweetener, right?
The stuff from Earl? What are you doing with this?
- Hutch? - Where'd you get this?
- I beat that guy. What was that about? - You did.
- You won. You danced your heart out. - And everybody saw it.
- Sleep. - I was robbed.
I know. We was robbed. We was robbed.
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep, tiny dancer. All right.
Jesus Christ.
- Is he okay? - Oh, yeah, he's okay.
He just needs to sleep it off.
Quite a night, huh?
You can say that again.
Guess it's kind of winding down.
- Well, it doesn't have to be over. - What do you mean?
Where did that come from?
I just want you to know, I really like your partner.
- I know, he's such a good guy. - This is just, like, whatever.
I don't think we even have to judge it. It's too natural.
- Okay. - It's just...
You guys wanna kiss? Yeah.
I hear somebody stirring. There he is.
I feel for you.
Jesus! Please, turn that off!
Easy, killer. Just a blender.
- What time is it? - Time for Hutch's hangover cure.
- What's in it? - Pepto-Bismol, Aunt Jemima mix...
...Tang and a little flat Tab.
Most important thing.
And a raw egg.
Saves lives. Trust me.
And?
- It's good. - What did I tell you?
Sorry about last night.
- Thanks for taking care of the girls. - Hey, no problem. Happy to do it.
What are partners for? Speaking of which...
...I checked this stuff out and even though it tastes like sugar, that is cocaine.
- You sure? - I'm sure...
...Stacey's sure, Holly's sure...
How do you like your eggs?
Didn't Huggy mention something about a coke deal going down?
"One for the Guinness Book," was how he put it.
Seems like a big coincidence.
Why don't I drive? You don't look good.
No. If I'm alive, I drive.
Rhyming already, you must be...
- You okay? - I'm fine.
He blew out my fricking window!
All right! Enough with the car! We get it!
Stop shooting my car!
Okay, cover me. Say when.
Go!
Zebra to base, I want you to run a plate.
Larry, one, apple, nine, eight, four.
- Damn it! - You okay?
Look at this! This is horrible!
What kind of world do we live in where somebody does this?
Well, I think he was aiming at us.
Think this is funny? Seriously, is this funny?
Zebra 3, we have an ID on that plate. Lee M. Chau, 1325 Western.
- I repeat... - Ready to dish out a little payback?
Freeze! Bay City P.D.!
- The hell was that? - I think it's his kid.
All right, just sit tight, little boy. Well, well, well, this looks familiar.
Possession of cocaine and attempted murder, huh?
- Jesus! - What was that?
That ain't a kid! It's a tiny little man! And he's got knives! Goddamn!
- My arm! - Oh, shit!
Make him stop! Make him stop! Tell him to stop! Stop it!
Starsky! Starsky, we need to go now! Come on!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
All right, now...
Okay, time out. Let's just take a little break. I'm gonna get out of here... Jeez!
Oh, mama! What is your problem?
I said, time out!
Hutch! A little help.
He pinned you good, partner. On three. One, two...
Time to answer some questions, old man.
Who's the little dwarf you got throwing knives at me and my partner?
That was no dwarf. That was my son.
Liar!
Come on, you're going downtown.
Let's go, Starsky. On your feet!
Now, you wanna tell me who hired you?
We have a saying in Koreatown. It goes, "Kiss my yellow ass, copper!"
All right. You wanna play games? I got a game for you, Chau.
Let's play a little Russian roulette.
We got a little saying here in Bay City:
"You cross the line...
...your nuts are mine."
There's really a bullet in the gun.
- Yes, I know. That is the point... - No, you don't understand.
- Let's play! - The bullet went inside!
Come on, you wanna play, let's play! Let's play!
- Your turn! - No!
I thought you wanted to play. Come on, Chau. You wanna play? Let's play a game!
- What are you doing? Jesus. - Our little friend here is about to talk.
What in the holy...?
- All right, enough with the talking. Let's go. - What? No! Starsky, no!
- You're crazy! - Are you out of your mind?
Calm down.
Calm down? He tried to kill me. He shoot everything. I have heart attack already.
It's over. It's over. Just calm down.
- What? - No, nothing. Nothing. This guy is funny.
- It's not about you. - That's great. He can be your new partner.
Chau and Hutch. Sounds cool.
Forget it. All right, Chau, what else can you tell me about the guys that hired you?
Not much. A couple of whiteys. Nice suit. Perry Ellis.
They pay, I do job.
- What did they look like? - I don't know.
They were white. All you guys look alike to me.
That's funny, all you guys look alike to us. Orientals.
So where'd you meet him?
We met... How do you say? By water.
- At the beach? - No, no, no. On water.
- Right, a boat. You met on a boat. - No, no, no. Not a boat.
It's a yacht.
Rock into womanhood, Elizabeth! We know that you will.
- All right. - What's that mean?
We have a special delivery for the little lady. It's right over here.
Let's see what's inside.
- These pantomimes suck. - Don't look at me. I didn't hire them.
- Well, who did? - I don't know.
These pantomimes aren't very good.
This must be Reese's big surprise.
Look at me, guys, I'm a mime too.
- Everyone's miming something. - Embarrassing.
- Reese just left. - I know.
- Stay here, I'll follow him. - I'll follow him.
No, you stay. Keep them occupied. You're doing great. They love you.
I might do the glass wall one more time.
Boo!
Terrific. Tell him you like him, ask him to sit by you at the cafeteria. How do I know?
What am I, your counselor? Yeah, I'd like to get to the information that I need, okay?
It's done.
My buddy delivered the package. It's in your garage. It's locked up nice and tight...
- ... in case anybody gets nosy. - No one saw him?
Not a soul.
Now, about my fee...
You'll be paid as soon as I've checked it out. If you'll excuse me...
- Reese, wait. - What?
- Mazel tov, man. - Thanks.
They grow up so fast.
- Go play dragon. I gotta go. - All right. Big kisses.
Thank you, everybody, for coming out to celebrate my little girl's bat mitzvah.
I should say "young woman." Lt'll take me a while to get used to that.
- This guy's good. Sweet. - It's in his garage.
- What? - The cocaine is in his garage.
- Are you sure? - We take him down now.
- Let's go. - All right, cut the music.
Cut the music.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we're a little mimed out.
Don't worry. Show's over.
You're under arrest for possession with intent to sell.
- This man's a drug dealer. - Okay, I think what we have...
- Maybe you didn't hear us. - Take it easy, everybody.
You're making the biggest mistake of your life, hear me?
You're the one making the mistake, pusher.
Kevin, call my attorney, please. Ridiculous.
- Open it. - My hands are tied.
Fine. Allow me.
Let this be a lesson to everyone, especially you kids.
Don't be fooled by the first-class suit and the big house.
Reese Feldman's nothing more than a two-bit drug dealer.
You want some proof?
Here's some proof.
This is a bad man.
And this is what bad men do.
A pony!
Happy bat mitzvah, baby. I love you.
Take the kids in, come on. Let's go, kids.
It's all right, baby, it's okay. Come here. Come here. We'll get you a new pony.
Hey there, little fella. You okay?
Mr. Feldman, on behalf of the entire Bay City Police Department...
...I sincerely apologize. - That's okay, captain.
My attorney here would love to take them down, but I know...
...that in the bottom of their hearts...
...these two detectives were just trying to protect me and my family.
I gotcha. Thank you.
I respect your attitude, but you can be sure...
...it will never happen again, because as of now...
...both of you are suspended indefinitely.
Look, cap, this was my fault. Don't drag Hutch into this. I shot the pony.
You care what happens to Hutch?
You filed for transfer two weeks ago, citing his behavior as a reason.
- Captain... - Oh yeah, yeah. Check this out.
Sounds like you're quite the crime fighter, Hutch.
- You filed for a transfer? - Guns and badges, right here, on my desk.
Your mother would be very disappointed in you.
Man, I've really had it with that Doby. I mean, it's enough already.
"Cavorting with nefarious characters. Conduct unbecoming of an officer."
I wrote that two weeks ago. Things are really cool with us now.
- Hey, did you go through my locker? - No.
- You went through my locker. - I might have looked inside...
If you got a problem with someone, tell it to their face. You come to them as a man.
You don't go behind their back and write a thesis and try to get transferred.
Backstabber!
Yeah, don't anybody work with David Starsky.
He'll stab you in the back.
You've got to let this go. We got lucky. These guys screwed up.
- They can't even touch us now. It is over. - I don't care.
No one dresses as a mime and embarrasses me at my daughter's bat mitzvah.
In my own house, no less.
Have some perspective. We're almost finished.
We're a few days from closing a $35-million deal. Let it slide.
Yeah, I'll let it slide. When they're dead.
Why did I get so lucky?
I don't know, I just love when you talk so tough.
Of course you do. That's why you're my girlfriend on the side.
Hey, Hutch.
"Ruin me!"
Excuse me, let me have a minute with my friend.
He didn't care if he got ruined. That was the whole point of the episode. Did you...?
Hutch, you gonna have to lay up off of this juice. You had too much to drink.
Come on. I feel like a million bucks. Just laughing, having a good time.
It ain't even funny no more.
There used to be a time here when you peed against the wall, you did it outside.
Lighten up, it's Friday night. Okay? It's a bar.
Hutch, it's Wednesday afternoon, man. Snap out of it.
- What time is it? - It's 5:00, man.
Shit. I'm supposed to pick up Willis at 3. Huggy, I'm sorry, we...
Hutch! Hey, Hutch! You home?
You were supposed to pick me up at 3:00 today. What happened?
Deadbeat.
If you could have yourself one wish, what would it be for?
"Mama put the salt back on a straight line with the pepper...
...and got that look like when she be telling me that old wise stuff.
She told Nobie he should wish for..."
Good friends. Free to Be You and Me. That's what Mama tells Nobie to wish for.
- Well, well, well. - How you doing, Willis?
- I'm pretty good. - Yeah? Got you something.
Damn. A wrist rocket.
- Watch out with that thing. Very powerful. - Cool. Thanks, Starsky.
Pretty sure those are illegal. Even though you're my friend...
...might have to report you to Doby.
All right. Okay, look, Hutch, can we...?
Is it all right if I talk to you outside?
No, I better stay here with the kid.
All right. Hey, feel better, all right?
You got it.
- Can you believe that guy? What a... - Hutch, the man was trying to apologize.
Dig this, man. Someone once said...
..."To err is human, to forgive, divine."
What idiot said that?
I believe that was God, the greatest mack of all.
David. David.
Yeah.
Okay, so, what did you wanna say?
Nothing. Apparently you're too busy and I'm not worth it. It's fine.
- Really, it's good. - Come on, let's hear it.
There's nothing that... I just was gonna say that I think you're a good cop.
- Okay, well, thank you. - And I am...
...sorry about what I wrote in the report.
Yeah, because I'm telling you, I felt like I'd just gotten my world rocked...
- Are you crying? - What's that?
- Are you crying? - No, I'm not crying. You're crying.
It's okay to cry. People cry.
That's great, but I'm not crying. I'm not a crier. I don't cry. I work out. I have hobbies.
- Come here. - What?
- Come here. I forgive you, all right? - Okay.
I forgive you.
Okay, that's probably enough. That's enough.
- All right? - Okay.
- Are we good? - Yeah, we're good.
Because we got some people that want us dead.
They took a shot at you. They tried to blow up my house, almost killed little Willis.
We gotta do... Now what?
Nothing. I'm just excited. Let's get these scumbags!
- Get them! That's what I wanna see. - Let's get them!
- Get some tissues. Let's go. - What are you doing?
- Damn. I'll tell you that. - Look, I'm telling you, it's right here.
Reese is meeting with the biggest drug dealers in back alleys all over the place.
But talking isn't illegal.
Yeah, the guy's not stupid. He knows how to stay clean.
Dirty ones always do.
We gotta find a way to get close to him, get inside and hear what's going on.
It's gonna be tough. The guy knows what we look like.
He doesn't know what Huggy Bear looks like.
Man, this is a bunch of crap. I am an urban informant. I am not a snitch.
- Come on, Huggy, what's the difference? - A snitch wears a wire.
A snitch is the scum of the information industry.
A snitch has no soul. Damn, man, that shit hurt.
- I'm sorry. - You got to be more careful.
We wouldn't ask you to do this unless it was really important.
- I'm gonna owe you one. - More than one, man.
Let's slow down with the scorekeeping. I might remember...
...stuff I've overlooked over the years, then mention it to my partner here.
How'd that be?
- All right, man, get this over with. Hurry up. - All right. All right. Good. We're done.
- All right, let's get that outfit. - Outfit?
Oh, no, man. You know Huggy Bear wouldn't wear that, man.
Come with something better. Take that shit back to Florida.
That ain't me, baby.
Mr. Casual. So nice of you to join us.
Sorry about that, sir.
What would you say this is?
Golf?
Real funny, Amos. Give me the 9-iron.
- Where the hell's my 9-iron? - I was gonna bring...
Let me explain something to you.
You are in charge of this area right here.
Clubs come out. They gotta go back in.
I realize this is a complex procedure, but it's up to you to manage the whole business.
Do you got that, Nipsey?
- Yes. - I should make you run...
... back to the driving range and get it. Just give me the wedge.
3-wood? My man gave me a 3-wood.
Do you even know what a pitching wedge is?
- Are you even a real caddy? - Come on.
Look, man, this grass is Alabama Creeping Bent...
... as opposed to Georgia Creeping Bent.
It's lighter.
- Lighter meaning faster? - Exactly.
Hold this.
Look at that. Good shot.
- You know a lot about golf. - I know even more about grass.
I don't question that.
- That was a great shot. Don't even start. - Fine. Back to business.
The stuff is all ready to be moved. All two tons of it.
We're gold. We need to be at the banquet by 2 p.m. Anything else?
Yeah, just stay calm and...
What, are we dating? Why are you standing so close to me?
- Back off. - It's cool, baby.
What is your deal?
The Nearly There banquet. Remember? It's tomorrow.
- How's he gonna move coke at a banquet? - I don't know, but we gotta be there.
No, can't. He'll kill us if he sees us.
You wanna use my wig guy.
Hello, sir. May I check your briefcase?
Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot.
Thank you very much.
Now, what you wanna do is take this ticket stub. It's for the raffle.
And see that car up on stage?
There's seven of them, all up for grabs, with plenty of trunk space.
Trunk space. I get it. Very good. Very good. Thank you very much.
- That's what I'm talking about. Right here. - There we go.
- What do you think? - I love it. Great stuff.
Yeah, you look just like a rich cowboy, came riding in off the farm.
- Do me a favor. Tip your hat forward. - No, I like it where it is.
- No, seriously, come on, do it. Do it. - Will you stop with that?
That voice makes you sound crazy.
It makes me sound like Maury Finkel...
...founder of Finkel Fixtures, a lighting fixture chain.
Oh, it's a little voice and a character. You got a whole back-story. That's good.
Little touches. You wanna make the character real.
- What's your character? - I don't really...
I don't have a character. I don't do voices.
We're going upstairs. People will recognize us if we don't have a character.
- Think of something. - Okay.
Buck up, let's do it.
How are you? How's it going?
All right. How you doing? All right.
Look at these two hot chickens. Finkel wants some dinkle. Give it to me.
Come on. Do it. Lay it on, right here. Do it. Do it.
He means a kiss. We're doing little voices. Undercover.
Come on, sweetie. Do it.
- That's a sweet little pucker. I love it. - Can I get you two a drink?
You sure can, sweetheart. Johnnie Red, neat.
- Okay. - Do it. Do it.
All right. And you?
- Do it. Bacardi and cola. Do it, do it. - Okay. I'll be right back.
- What are you doing? - What?
- What was that? You just stole my voice. - No, I didn't.
You gotta come up with your own voice. That's my thing.
- I don't have a cool voice like you. - Come up with a character.
You're a Texas oil tycoon guy. You have, like, a moustache...
Don't shame me.
Let's sit down. Come on.
So we can get down to business and then get back to the business of getting down.
Now, that's what I'm talking about. Let's get down!
Captain Doby, you're not right.
But today is right. Can I see a show of hands?
I'm talking to everyone in this room.
How many of us have made a mistake?
- Guilty. - Yeah.
You know, I believe it was our buddy Bill Shakespeare who said...
..."To err is human, but to forgive, well, that's right on."
That's exactly why we're here today.
Because everyone out there deserves a second chance. Everyone.
Thank you. I didn't say it. Bill Shakespeare did.
Some of these guys were in our surveillance.
- I know. - Check out the guy behind us.
Already did.
You think he's got the stuff here?
- Where? - I'd like to thank Bay City Volkswagen...
...for donating seven brand-new cars to our annual fundraising raffle.
Thank you, Bay City Volkswagen.
Okay, everybody. Go ahead, pull out your ticket stubs.
Hope you held onto it. Hate to have your number called and have it left behind.
Because this train's leaving the station.
Tonight's first winner. 63.
- Hot damn, that baby's mine! - Congratulations.
That's one of his guys.
- Thank you very much. - Just wait here.
We've got a winner, a new car owner. Let him hear it.
He's gonna ride home in class.
The car. Cocaine is in the car. He's doing it in front of everybody.
- He's not that stupid. - No, but he's that arrogant. Trust me.
Number 117.
- Go. - Right on! Yeah.
Yes!
- Thank you very much. - Sit. Now. Do it. Do it.
Old Shakes McGinty did it! Yes! Unbelievable!
I'm a-richer, and I'm gonna kiss you.
Get your hands off. I think... I don't...
My friend won. Give him the car. Do it.
- Do what? - The kid's from Texas.
I don't know if he has a license. He rides a horse.
Do you have a ticket? I need it to give you the car.
- You gotta trust the kid. - I can't, cowboy.
I need to see the ticket.
Pop the trunk. Let's get that new car smell.
- Who wants a whiff of that new car smell? - Let's smell it!
That's what I'm talking about. Come on. Pop the trunk. Seriously, do it. Do it.
- Do it. - Listen, jackass.
Either give me a ticket or get the hell off the stage. You dig that?
- Guys. - Pop the trunk, candy man.
You heard him.
Pop it.
What the hell are you two doing?
Pop it!
You screwed it up once already, Starsky.
Like you said, Feldman, everyone deserves a second chance.
What have we here?
Does this look familiar? Some cocaine.
Captain Doby, I suggest you take this to the lab, get it analyzed...
- Hutch! - All right, freeze! Everybody, freeze!
- Put your hands where I can see them! - Relax, pal. Relax!
- Let's do it! - Put that gun down or I'll kill your friend.
- Reese, what are we doing? - Do it now! Put it down!
I got a clean shot. I need permission.
No! No, Starsky.
I can do it. Just move your head to the left.
No can do. You don't have my permission, partner. I can't give it to you.
- Your nuts are mine, Feldman. - No, they're not! Your nuts are yours.
Starsky, listen to me. I don't wanna die. And I'm not giving you my permission.
Please, put it down.
Put it down. Down.
Okay. All right. You're right. It's too close.
Oh, thank God.
Stay down!
Doby?
- Come on, let's move it! Let's go! - What?
Walk away. Walk away. Let's go.
- Cap, are you okay? - Yeah, I just got my wing clipped.
- Who the hell shot me? - I'm sorry. I was trying to get...
Starsky! It was Reese Feldman. Reese Feldman hit you, the son of a bitch.
Well, go get him!
- Is somebody coming? - No, we're on vacation.
- What's going on? - Gotta go.
Oh, my God!
- Baby, look out! - Look, I wanna hit him!
- You okay? - Yeah!
- Watch out for the bunker! - I don't know what a bunker is!
It's a sand trap.
- Go faster! - I'm going fast. I got it floored.
- Dogleg right up here on the par three. - What?
- Watch the bunker! - What bunker?
Jesus!
Come on. Pay attention.
Hey! Get out of here!
- Move that ice cream truck now! - No, you move.
- Bay City P.D. Move it! - Let's go.
Grab those and meet me in the marina. Let's go. Move!
If you guys are cops, let's see some badge.
- We don't have any badges. - Show him your gun.
Come on! Come on, move!
- Come on, hurry up, let's go! - They're coming!
Come on, these two with the running and the chasing. Stop! Go home.
Goodbye, heroes!
- To the shipping yard! - Got a boat?
- No, but I got an idea.
Hey, watch out!
- Okay, now what? - Okay, we're gonna take this car...
...and land it on that boat.
- You wanna crash the car into his boat? - No, I wanna land it on that boat.
Now, go.
- Go! - I can't do it.
This is unbelievable. Here you get me out here to risk my life...
...and now you tell me you can't do this? I'm a quitter, but...
- You're crying again. - I'm not crying. This is different.
It's my mother. She always used to say that this was too much car for me to handle.
- She said that? - Couldn't handle the V8.
- I don't know, maybe she was right. - Hey, look at me. Look at me.
I am not your mother. I'm your partner.
Now, go!
Go!
- Things could go pretty wrong, so l... - Keep your eyes on the road.
Listen to me, Ken. If we don't make it, this... You know, us...
- It's been good. - It's been great.
Now, will you stop talking and hit that boat.
It's not a boat, it's a yacht.
Son of a bitch!
- Come on, are you kidding me? - Oh, my God. We almost just got killed.
Thanks for pointing out something I couldn't notice. You're a benefit to have.
We should save them.
- Son of a bitch! - Nice plan!
You gave it too much gas and you overshot it.
- Car has a lot of horsepower. I'll go get it. - What are you doing? Stop it.
Starsky!
- It hasn't hit the bottom yet. - Stop, stop, damn it! Listen to me.
It's gone, okay? It's over.
- But it's my car. - I know it is, partner. I know it is.
Oh, my God, honey. That was so incredible.
I feel like my adrenaline is just...
You and me, babe. We are such a good team, don't you think?
I mean, this is just the beginning. We could go so far, honey. I feel so exhilarated.
- Come on! - What was that?
Son of a bitch.
What is it, Reese?
Who are you?
I found your 9-iron, bitch.
That's for putting hands on Huggy Bear. Nobody touches the Bear, you dig?
Yeah. Now, these will work.
What have we here?
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
- We don't really do private shows. - But I'm a good friend of Huggy Bear.
- It's kind of against cheerleading policy. - You need to change that policy.
You know what I can't figure out?
How the hell did you know to get on that boat?
When your two boys put me on that undercover golf course mission...
...that cat, Reese? All he did was talk about that damn yacht.
And like I say, why go to the starting line when you can go straight to the finish?
"Straight to the finish." I like that, man. I like that.
Are you interested in doing any undercover work?
- Not the least. - Captain, let me borrow him for a second.
The weird thing is, one of those briefcases with $5 million just up and vanished.
Oh, what is this, a brand-new fur coat? Look at this thing.
Yeah, I inherited some money from a dead uncle of mine.
Is that right? I didn't even know you had an uncle.
Well, I did. And he was rich as hell too, baby.
- Chin up, little man. - I think he's still upset about the car.
Come on, let's get up. You're going outside.
- No, thanks. - We're taking you out.
- We're gonna get you cleaned up. - I don't feel like it.
I know these two white dudes that got a car that you might be interested in.
- I don't want another car, Hug. - Come on, at least take a look.
My car. Where did you...?
Hey, Hutch, who the hell are these guys?
I don't know, but I get a good vibe from them.
So you selling the car?
Well, actually, your friend here has already paid for it.
I owe you one, Huggy.
- All right. - Come on, give him the keys.
Thank you. Thank you.
With this transmission, you really wanna jump the clutch.
- I usually... - From second to fourth. I got it.
- Right. - Come in, Zebra 3. We have a 420.
Please respond.
This is Zebra 3. We're on it. Hutch, let's roll.
I think he means you.
- Good luck. - Allow me.
- All right, thank you. - You're welcome.
All right.
Hey!
Not the...
- How does it feel? - It feels pretty good.
I'm gonna take it slow, get the feel of it.
No, no, that's smart. Do that.
- Starsky. - Hang on.
- No. No! - Hang on!
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