CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
NEXT!
NAME?
GUS GORMAN.
AH, YES. AUGUST GORMAN.
HAVE YOU LOOKED FOR WORK THIS WEEK?
UH...YES.
WHAT KIND?
UH...
KITCHEN TECHNICIAN.
DISHWASHER? ANY LUCK?
A LITTLE, BUT...
MR. GORMAN, YOU'VE BEEN UNEMPLOYED FOR 36 WEEKS.
NO, IT'S 35.
NOT COUNTING THIS WEEK.
YOU SECURED EMPLOYMENT LAST JUNE
AS A MESSENGER AND WERE DISCHARGED
AFTER ONE DAY FOR LOSING--
NO, NO, THEY SAID I LOST IT.
I DID NOT LOSE IT.
IT WAS STOLEN BY A PICKPOCKET.
A TELEVISION SET?
A TEENSY-WEENSY JAPANESE 2-INCH TELEVISION SET.
THE ONLY OTHER EMPLOYMENT YOU FOUND
WAS IN A FAST FOOD JOINT WHICH LASTED...
28 MINUTES?
THAT'S SOME RECORD.
TALK ABOUT FAST!
THEY EXPECT YOU TO LEARN STUFF IN ONE DAY.
HOLD THE LETTUCE!
HOLD THE KETCHUP!
CAN I HAVE SOME SAUCE?
2 BUNS! NO BUNS!
CHEESE! NO CHEESE!
THE CITY OF METROPOLIS IS GENEROUS TO A FAULT.
I'M NOT THE FAULT!
36 WEEKS OF CHRONIC UNEMPLOYMENT,
LIVING OFF THE TAXES OF HARD-WORKING CITIZENS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
I'M NOT A BUM!
YOU ARE...
I WAS ABOUT TO SAY,
NO LONGER ELIGIBLE.
NO LONGER--
NEXT!
I NEED THIS WEEK!
NEXT!
YOU MEAN THAT'S IT?
FINISHED? LIKE, OVER?
HUH!
NEXT!
NEXT.
NEXT AS IN "BYE."
NEXT!
NAME?
EXCUSE ME, BROTHER, CAN I HAVE A LIGHT?
[GUNSHOT]
SAY THANK YOU.
WOW!
WAY TO GO, SUPERMAN!
Computer: YOUR DRINK IS ON ITS WAY.
UH, SIR?
EXCUSE ME, BUT...
WHAT IF YOU WANT TO--
ENJOY YOUR DRINK!
PROGRAM 2 BILATERAL COORDINATES AT ONCE?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
BUT IF YOU--
COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY IS VERY ADVANCED,
BUT IT CAN'T DO THAT.
BUT IF WE CAN'T DO IT THAT WAY...
SIR?
GOOD LORD!
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DID IT.
WHO'S THIS?
THAT'S HIM, ROSS WEBSTER,
JUST AFTER HE RECEIVED THE AWARD
FOR HUMANITARIAN OF THE YEAR.
OH, HE IS GOOD-LOOKING!
I GAVE HIM F-2 AT 1/50th.
ONE THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WAS THE POINT OF THE STORY LOIS WROTE
IS HOW THIS ROSS WEBSTER GOT THIS GREAT HONOR.
AND YOU BRING ME ONE PICTURE OF HIM
AND 15 PICTURES OF THIS OTHER PERSON.
WHO IS SHE?
LORELEI AMBROSIA. SHE'S WEBSTER'S--
SHE'S JUST WEBSTER'S. LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
WHO'S THIS OTHER WOMAN?
THAT'S HIS SISTER VERA.
PICTURE LOOKS FUZZY.
THE PICTURE'S FINE.
SHE LOOKS LIKE THAT.
SHE'S VICE PRESIDENT OF WEBSCOE INDUSTRIES.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
A BORING BANQUET,
AND YOU BRING ME 3,000 BORING PICTURES.
SUPERMAN SAVES A MAN FROM DROWNING
ON 3rd AVENUE,
AND YOU DON'T GET ONE PICTURE!
I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA!
A PHOTOGRAPHER EATS WITH HIS CAMERA,
SLEEPS WITH HIS CAMERA.
I'M GLAD I'M A WRITER.
TIME TO DRAW THE JINGO NUMBER.
THE PRIZE IS A SOUTH AMERICAN TRIP!
I DON'T KNOW WHY--
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
HI, CLARK.
JIMMY, YOU'VE GOT MUSTARD ON YOUR LAPEL.
MR. WHITE, I HATE TO INTERRUPT--
I'M GETTING A PAPER OUT!
STICK TO THE PRINTING PRESS.
WHAT'S THE NUMBER?
"53."
MR. WHITE?
53!
YOU'VE GOT TO PULL 3 MORE NUMBERS.
MR. WHITE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A TERRIFIC STORY.
WHAT'S A TERRIFIC STORY?
KENT'S HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REUNION.
SAY!
COULD WE HAVE THE NEXT NUMBER?
IT'S PRACTICALLY AN AMERICAN INSTITUTION.
MOST OF MY CLASSMATES
ARE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"33."
I THOUGHT THE STORY WOULD BE ABOUT--
33!
HOW MUCH SMALL TOWNS HAVE CHANGED.
CAN I GO BACK TO MIDDLE AMERICA
AFTER HAVING BECOME A METROPOLIS SOPHISTICATE?
I WAS LOOKING AROUND IN MY CLOSET LAST NIGHT
AND I EVEN FOUND...
MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEATER.
UH...SMALLVILLE.
SO SHOULD I MAKE MY TRAVEL PLANS?
WHAT ABOUT MINE?
ALL RIGHT, KENT.
THE PRODIGAL SON IS COMING HOME.
GEE, THANKS, MR. WHITE.
IT'S HARD LOSING ONE OF MY BEST REPORTERS.
OH, THAT'S OK.
BUT YOU DESERVE THE VACATION, LOIS.
THANK YOU.
LOIS, ARE YOU GOING SOMEPLACE?
SOME PEOPLE GET TO GO TO SMALLVILLE.
OTHERS OF US HAVE TO GO TO...
BERMUDA.
GOLLY.
BYE.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
MR. WHITE, THE NEXT NUMBER, PLEASE.
WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER BE GOING, TOO.
SO...I'LL BE GOING.
BYE.
COULDN'T A COMPUTER DO THIS?
HEY, WHAT IS THIS?
FIRST PAYCHECK?
FIRST RIP-OFF, MAN.
I'M SUPPOSED TO GET 225 A WEEK.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE ON 143.80?
STATE TAX, FEDERAL TAX, SOCIAL SECURITY.
YOU'LL GET MONEY WHEN YOU'RE 65.
WHEN I'M 65?
I WANT MINE NOW, WHILE I CAN ENJOY IT.
I WANT TO GET DOWN!
IT'S MORE LIKE $143.80 AND 1/2 CENT.
THERE ARE ALWAYS FRACTIONS LEFT OVER
IN BIG CORPORATIONS,
BUT THEY ROUND IT DOWN.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH 1/2 A CENT?
YOU MEAN EVERYBODY LOSES THOSE FRACTIONS?
THEY DON'T EXACTLY LOSE THEM.
YOU CAN'T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER GOT.
SO THE COMPANY GETS IT?
NOT REALLY. THEY CAN'T BE BOTHERED.
THEN WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM?
THEY'RE JUST FLOATING AROUND OUT THERE.
THE COMPUTERS KNOW WHERE.
HOW MANY SUGARS?
ONE AND A HALF.
IT'S QUITTING TIME. YOU COMING?
I'VE GOT SOME STUFF TO FINISH UP, SO...
WORKING OVERTIME, HUH?
WHAT YOU DOING, LOOKING FOR A RAISE?
YEAH. LOOKING FOR A RAISE.
THAT'S IT.
YOU BET.
BUT MY UNCLE AL WON'T EAT HER STUFFING.
HE SAYS IT SHOULD BE COOKED OUTSIDE THE TURKEY.
SHE COOKS IT ON THE INSIDE OF THE TURKEY.
AUNT HELEN, MY FATHER'S HALF SISTER--
I TOLD YOU THAT, RIGHT?
YEAH. HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
WOW!
TURN BACK OR PULL OVER HERE AND WAIT.
FOR HOW LONG?
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT FIRE'S SPREADING LIKE WILD...FIRE.
IT'S JUST A BUILDING BURNING.
THAT'S A CHEMICAL PLANT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, IT'S LIKE CHEMICALS.
IF THAT GOES UP IN SMOKE,
WE'LL BE IN FOR A HAIRY TIME AROUND HERE.
OK.
DISTRACT THESE PEOPLE
SO THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE CHIEF SAYS A PHOTOGRAPHER ALWAYS GOES AFTER A STORY.
THAT COULD BE DANGEROUS.
DANGER GOES WITH THE TERRITORY, MR. KENT.
HOW CAN I HELP?
GET THIS MAN A HELMET.
OH, IT'S YOU. FORGET THE HELMET.
HOW BAD IS IT?
IT'S A NIGHTMARE.
EVERYTHING'S EXPLOSIVE, INFLAMMABLE, OR WORSE.
GET ME A NUMBER 3 LADDER TRUCK IN HERE!
MY GOD, THEY'RE TRAPPED!
WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO, FLY THEM DOWN ONE AT A TIME?
LET'S GO! EVERYBODY DOWN HERE!
HURRY UP!
GO ON DOWN. TAKE IT EASY.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY DOWN.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I CANNOT LEAVE.
I'VE GOT TO LOOK AFTER THOSE.
THAT'S CONCENTRATED BERYLTRIC ACID.
IF IT HEATS OVER 180 DEGREES,
THIS FIRE WILL LOOK LIKE A PICNIC.
IF IT REMAINS STABLE, NO PROBLEM.
IF IT HEATS UP, IT'LL TURN VOLATILE.
IF THAT HAPPENS, YOU'LL GET A CLOUD
THAT'LL EAT THROUGH ANYTHING--
STEEL, CONCRETE, ANYTHING.
WHO THE HELL'S THAT?
GET OFF OF THERE!
I'LL JUST GET A COUPLE MORE SHOTS.
OWW!
AHHH!
HAVE THEM BRING THEIR HOSES HERE! QUICKLY!
HELP!
HELP ME!
HELP!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
HELP!
SUPERMAN! IT'S MY LEG.
TAKE IT EASY.
WE'LL GO NICE AND EASY.
ALL RIGHT? HERE WE GO.
MEDICS! OVER HERE, PLEASE!
THAT'S IT. HERE YOU GO.
IT'S THE LEFT LEG.
MY CAMERA.
YEAH.
IT'S A CLEAN BREAK ACROSS THE FIBULA.
OW! MY CAMERA.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, JIMMY.
YOU'LL BE OK.
GET THAT FIRE OUT, OR YOU'LL HAVE AN ACID CLOUD!
CHRIST! THE PUMPHOUSE IS GONE!
THE PUMPHOUSE!
WE'VE LOST THE WATER PRESSURE!
WE'VE GOT TO HAVE WATER!
LAKE CANOGA'S 5 MILES FROM HERE!
WHERE'S THIS LAKE?
THAT WAY.
YOU TOLD ME WE HAD AN ADEQUATE WATER SUPPLY.
THAT MAN'S A MIRACLE.
CAROL, YOU GOT GORGEOUS!
?? TELL TCHAIKOVSKY THE NEWS ??
?? I'VE GOT A ROCKIN' PNEUMONIA ??
?? I NEED A SHOT OF RHYTHM AND BLUES ??
?? WHOO ??
?? I THINK I'LL CALL IN ALL THE WRITERS ??
?? WRITTEN DOWN BY THE RHYTHM REVIEWS ??
?? ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ??
?? ROCKIN' IN TWO BY TWO ??
I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
FOURTH QUARTER, SCORE WAS TIED.
WE WERE BACK ON OUR 25-YARD LINE.
THE COACH CALLS FOR RIGHT FLANKER OPTION.
?? ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ??
?? ROCKING IN TWO BY TWO ??
YOU REALLY HAVE GROWN, CLARK.
YOU LOOK VERY WELL.
I CAN'T COMPLAIN.
I HAVE THESE LITTLE SPELLS,
BUT, REALLY, I CAN'T COMPLAIN.
?? WELL, EARLY IN THE MORNING ??
?? I'M A-GIVING YOU THE WARNING ??
?? DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ??
?? HEY, DIDDLE-DIDDLE, I WILL PLAY MY FIDDLE ??
EXCUSE ME.
THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE TO SEE.
?? AND TELL TCHAIKOVSKY THE NEWS ??
LANA?
LANA LANG?
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
YOU LOOK...WOW!
HERE, LET ME.
OH, NO, NO. I CAN MANAGE.
UH...
ISN'T THIS YOUR FIRST VISIT
SINCE YOUR MOM PASSED AWAY?
YEAH--I'M SORRY.
UM...
I HEARD THAT YOU AND DONALD SPLIT UP.
DID YOU EAT YET?
NO.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
EXCUSE ME. SORRY.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT DONALD AND ME,
BUT HOLD THIS A SECOND, OK?
OH, SURE.
HI, KENT.
OH, HI. HOW YOU...DOING?
I'M SORRY.
I'M GOING NUTS. THANKS.
?? WELL, EARLY IN THE MORNING ??
?? I'M A-GIVING YOU THE WARNING ??
CLARK.
YEAH.
HEY, LANA.
UH-OH. UM...
HEY, SWEET.
HERE I AM.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE PROM QUEEN?
EVERYONE WANTED TO DANCE WITH YOU.
THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY ON YOUR DANCE CARD NOW.
THAT'S GOOD OLD--
BRAD WILSON.
HI, BRAD.
HI, KENT. LONG TIME NO SEE.
YOU KNOW, SEE. SEE?
COME ON, LANA.
I CAN'T.
CLARK ALREADY ASKED ME.
I DID?
OH, EXCUSE ME.
LANA, I HAVEN'T DANCED...
?? ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ??
?? STICK TO THESE RHYTHM AND BLUES ??
[SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
?? OH-OH-OH-OH ??
?? WA-A-A ??
?? OH-OH-OH-OH ??
?? EARTH ANGEL ??
?? WILL YOU BE MINE? ??
?? MY DARLING DEAR ??
?? LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME ??
?? I'M JUST A FOOL... ??
AH, GORMAN.
ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER CHECK.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR ME?
I PUT IN A VOUCHER FOR EXPENSES.
WHAT?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
HERE YOU GO.
WOOOH!
A-HEM.
THANKS FOR HELPING ME OUT.
A LOT OF GUYS WOULD LIKE TO BE WHERE I AM.
YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY OFFERS
I DIDN'T GET.
EVEN BRAD WOULDN'T STICK AROUND FOR THIS.
IT ISN'T EASY.
THE STREAMERS? JUST PULL, AND THEY...
NOT THE STREAMERS. EVERYTHING.
I DON'T KNOW WHY,
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TALK TO YOU.
WHAT?
I FEEL I CAN TALK TO YOU!
YOU CAN?
YES.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, LANA?
WHAT?
I, UH...
I ALWAYS WISHED THAT YOU WOULD.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE QUEEN OF THE PROM?
3 YEARS AFTER THE ROYAL WEDDING,
THE KING ABDICATED.
ISN'T THAT TERRIBLE?
YEAH, IT SURE IS.
THERE MUST BE A GALLON
OF POTATO SALAD LEFT OVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?
TOO MUCH MAYONNAISE?
DONALD LOVED MAYONNAISE.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
THE PROBLEM IS,
WHY DO I STAY IN SMALLVILLE?
DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
TO LIVE IN METROPOLIS,
THE BIG APRICOT?
LANA, YOU COULD--
HOW? AND WHAT ABOUT RICKY?
RICKY?
MY LITTLE BOY.
YOU HAVE... THAT'S GREAT.
HERE WE HAVE A HOUSE, AND I'VE GOT A JOB.
I'M ONLY A SECRETARY, BUT IT PAYS THE BILLS.
EXCEPT FOR LAST WINTER
WHEN THE FUEL BILLS KEPT GOING UP AND UP.
I HAD TO PAWN MY DIAMOND RING.
THAT'S A SHAME.
[WHISTLES]
YOU NEVER GOT MARRIED?
ME?
YEAH.
WELL, I WAS...
NO. NOT.
YOU KNOW, YEARS LATER,
YOU CAN LOOK AT SOMEONE AND THINK,
"THAT'S THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY."
GIVE ME THAT AGAIN.
RUN IT BY ME JUST ONE MORE TIME.
$85,000.
MISSING?
EMBEZZLED, MR. WEBSTER.
STOLEN FROM THE FIRM.
BY WHOM? THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.
VERA, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
NOBODY ELSE EVER WILL.
I DON'T KNOW, WHO?
IN THE OLD DAYS, IT WAS SIMPLE.
WE KEPT BOOKS,
WE HAD LEDGERS,
WE KNEW WHAT WAS PAID OUT.
A ROBBER CARRIED A GUN AND SAID,
"STICK 'EM UP."
NOW THESE BLASTED COMPUTERS DO THEIR DIRTY WORK.
MY OLD FRIEND,
YOU ARE YESTERDAY.
WHOEVER PULLED THIS CAPER IS TOMORROW.
HONEY BUNCH?
MR. WEBSTER, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR MASSAGE.
DOES SHE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BURST IN--
NO, NO, VERA, VERA! SIMPSON, YOU KNOW
MY PSYCHIC NUTRITIONIST?
HELLO.
WE'RE TRYING TO HOLD A MEETING HERE!
HOLD YOUR BREATH INSTEAD.
MAYBE YOU'LL TURN BLUE. HA! IMPROVEMENT.
I'M ABOUT TO TAKE A HUMAN LIFE!
SIMPSON, WOULD YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE?
TELL HER I WON'T TO STOP-- LET HER--
MOUTHS CLOSED. EARS OPEN.
SHE'S A PIG!
I CAN'T HAVE ANYONE WITH ME
WHO ISN'T WITH ME.
NOW...
SIMPSON,
WELL, OLD CHUM, WHAT NOW,
KISS THE 85 THOU GOODBYE?
KEEP PAYING THE THIEF HIS SALARY
UNTIL HE THINKS UP MORE WAYS TO SHAKE THE MONEY TREE?
HE'LL SLIP UP SOONER OR LATER.
WHY?
THEY SAY THAT IN THE MOVIES.
HE WON'T SLIP UP.
HE'LL KEEP A LOW PROFILE.
HE WON'T DO A THING
TO CALL ATTENTION TO HIMSELF.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
HE IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER MORON.
[TIRES SCREECH]
WE'RE FIRST. UM...ANDREW.
I'LL PICK CHRIS.
UM...MARK.
I'LL TAKE JAMIE.
WE'RE STUCK WITH RICKY?
YOU LOST THE TOSS.
COME ON, RICKY.
GOOD LUCK.
I CAN'T STAND THIS.
HE'LL BE OK.
I WAS A LATE BLOOMER MYSELF.
IT'S NOT JUST THAT HE'S SMALL FOR HIS AGE.
HE'S THE ONLY KID IN TOWN WITHOUT A FATHER.
LOOK, HE'S STEWED TO THE GILLS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON.
HE ONLY HAD CHOCOLATE MILK.
I MEAN HIM.
HEY, SWEET THING.
KID GETTING HASSLED, HUH?
KENT, YOU STILL HERE?
I SEEM TO BE.
THE KID NEEDS POINTERS FROM THE CHAMP HERE.
I WON THE ALL-COUNTRY BOWLING CHAMPIONSHIP.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
ACTUALLY, I CAN PLAY ANY SPORT.
BRAD, YOU'LL JUST MAKE IT WORSE.
CLARK, HE'LL MAKE IT WORSE.
WATCH. HE'LL GET A SPARE.
COME ON, RICKY.
HEY, KID, YOU'RE HOLDING IT ALL WRONG.
I'LL SHOW YOU.
UH, BRAD...
I THINK HE'LL BE BETTER OFF
DOING IT HIS WAY.
YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH, KENT.
RICKY DOESN'T NEED A BOWLING LESSON
IN FRONT OF THE OTHER KIDS.
HE NEEDS A MAN TO SHOW HIM.
HE'S DOING FINE ON HIS OWN.
EXCUSE ME.
HERE YOU GO.
GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT.
OH! SORRY.
AH-CHOO!
GESUNDHEIT.
THANK YOU.
HEY, GUS.
THE BOSS WANTS TO SEE YOU.
HE CAN SEE ME FROM HERE.
HELLO, MR. LEWIS.
NOT THAT BOSS. THEBOSS.
YOU MEANTHEBOSS?
YEP.
WANTS TO SEE ME?
WHY WOULD HE WANT TO SEE ME?
WHY WOULD THE BOSS
WANT TO SEE ME?
THERE'S NO REASON.
OH, I KNOW!
MY SUGGESTION FOR THE VOLLEYBALL UNIFORMS.
THAT'S IT.
ROSS THE BOSS.
BOSSY ROSS THE BOSS.
BE CALM, BE COOL, BE COLLECTED.
OK, UH...
MR. WEB--MR. WEBSTER?
MR. WEBSTER?
MR. WEBSTER, I DID NOT...
MR. AUGUST GORMAN?
AAH! SIR! AUGUST GORMAN HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE A COMPASSIONATE MAN.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL
BECAUSE THERE'S ROBBERS AND RAPISTS--
JUST ONE QUESTION.
YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY GUY,
HAVEN'T YOU?
COME ON, ADMIT IT.
YOU'VE BEEN A LITTLE BIT NAUGHTY.
I WAS--
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND.
I CAN--WHAT DO YOUNG FOLKS SAY?
"DIG WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM, BROTHER."
YOU WANT TO BE RICH, RIGHT?
WELL, I...
I WAS BORN RICH.
NEVER WORN THE SAME SOCKS TWICE.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR SOCKS?
THEY'RE LAUNDERED
AND SENT TO SOME CHARITABLE INSTITUTION.
MAYBE THEY'RE TURNED INTO DUST RAGS
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OR MAYBE SOCKS.
YES. THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.
GUS, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU'RE A GENIUS.
A NAUGHTY GENIUS,
BUT NOBODY'S PERFECT.
CHEERS!
BECAUSE OF THE THING WITH THE COMPUTERS.
BECAUSE COMPUTERS RULE THE WORLD TODAY,
AND THE FELLOW THAT FOOLS COMPUTERS
CAN RULE THE WORLD.
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR A LONG TIME
FOR SOMEBODY TO MAKE THESE MACHINES DO
WHAT THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO.
UNDERSTAND?
YES!
WEBSCOE, THE WEBSCOE INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX,
IS A FAMILY-OWNED CARTEL.
LITTLE MAGNESIUM HERE,
LITTLE ZINC THERE.
YOU FOLLOW ME?
I FOLLOW YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT NOW?
NO.
I WANT COFFEE.
BLACK? CREAM OR SUGAR?
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
UNDER DIFFERENT COMPANY NAMES,
I CONTROL THE PRICE OF COFFEE BEANS
IN VENEZUELA, BRAZIL, BOLIVIA, JAMAICA,
AND THE REPUBLIC OF GABON.
BUT I'VE GOT A PROBLEM,
AND I THINK YOU CAN HELP ME.
ONE COUNTRY WON'T PLAY BALL.
THAT CAN BUG A GUY.
THAT COULD BUG...
WHAT COUNTRY?
COLOMBIA.
COLOMBIA!
COLOMBIA HAS 2 IMPORTANT EXPORTS.
ONE IS COFFEE.
I'VE TRIED TO REASON WITH THEM.
BUT THIS ONE MISERABLE COUNTRY
THINKS IT CAN DICTATE
THE ECONOMY OF AN OPEN MARKET.
GUS...
GUS, MY FRIEND,
WE'RE GOING TO TEACH THEM A LESSON,
AREN'T WE?
MR. WEBSTER...
DESTROY THE COLOMBIAN COFFEE CROP
RIGHT DOWN TO THE LAST BEAN.
THE LAST BEAN? WE ARE?
BUT YOU GOT SO MUCH.
YOU KNOW--
A WISE MAN SAID--
I THINK IT WAS ATTILA THE HUN--
"IT IS NOT ENOUGH THAT I SUCCEED.
EVERYONE ELSE MUST FAIL."
SEEMS FAIR.
GUS.
WHAT?
YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS FOR ME.
HOW?
THE WEATHER.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOUR MOTHER WAS HERE.
I'M HIS BABY SISTER.
GUS, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF VULCAN?
HI, MISS VULCAN.
VULCAN IS THE WEATHER SATELLITE
THAT'S MONITORING THE WEATHER.
IF SOMEBODY WERE TO REPROGRAM IT,
IT COULD DO MORE.
IT COULDMAKEWEATHER.
STORMS AND FLOODS.
BLIZZARDS, HEAT WAVES.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
LIKE EVERYTHING IN THE 20th CENTURY,
YOU PUSH BUTTONS.
THERE YOU GO.
IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE WON ANYTHING.
YOU WON MY HAND.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I WON ANYTHING VALUABLE.
GET ONE WITH THE SOMBREROS.
MR. WHITE, YOU BE IN THIS.
DO I HAVE TO?
WHY DO I?
YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T FIRE YOU.
I GET A CHANCE TO GET EXCLUSIVE PICTURES
OF THE BIGGEST CHEMICAL FACTORY FIRE IN HISTORY,
AND HE COMES HOME WITH A BROKEN LEG
AND 12 MELTED ROLLS OF FILM.
IT WAS HOT.
SMILE, MR. WHITE.
SOUTH AMERICA. WHAT LUCK!
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TRACED,
PUNCH IN TO SOME RINKY-DINK OUTFIT
THAT HAS A MICKEY-MOUSE COMPUTER.
SOMEPLACE YOU CAN SNEAK INTO, RIGHT?
SOMEPLACE WHERE NOBODY KNOWS HIM
SO THEY CAN'T CONNECT HIM WITH US.
WEBSCOE HAS 112 SUBSIDIARIES.
THEY'RE ALL LINKED
INTO THE CENTRAL COMPUTER SYSTEM.
HOW ABOUT SOMEPLACE...SMALL?
SMALLVILLE!
THIS IS SMALLVILLE.
WE'LL HAVE A 5-MINUTE STOP.
WATCH YOUR STEP, PLEASE.
THANKS, SELMA.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
LET ME HELP YOU, LANA.
OH, I'M SORRY.
THANKS, CLARK.
SIT DOWN, BUSTER. GOOD BOY.
COME ON, BUSTER.
SIT DOWN!
ALL SET? GREAT.
WOW.
THAT'S IT, OK?
JESUS CHRIST!
[THUNDER]
DON'T THEY HAVE PICNICS IN METROPOLIS?
NOT LIKE THIS, RICKY.
WE DO THIS A LOT.
YOU DO?
STAY CLOSE AND BE CAREFUL.
OK, MOM.
COME ON, BUSTER.
LET'S FIND A RABBIT.
THIS IS NICE FOR HIM.
IT'S EVEN NICER
WHEN THERE'S A MAN AROUND.
THERE'S A LOT OF CHOICES.
ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE MARRIED.
THAT'S WHY BRAD THINKS
HE'S GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN.
HE WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
I MEANT THERE'S A LOT OF CHOICES HERE.
THIS IS SOME PICNIC.
THERE'S SOME OF THAT...
AND...MMM! GREEN STUFF.
AND...HEY, PAT?.
BOY, THIS PAT? IS REALLY UNUSUAL.
I DIDN'T MAKE PA--
OH, CLARK.
THAT'S BUSTER'S DOG FOOD.
IT'S GOOD.
DON'T EAT IT!
THIS IS NICE.
HERE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, LANA.
THANKS.
HEY! WHERE YOU GOING?
COME ON! BUSTER!
HOW LONG-- I WAS THINKING--
SORRY. GO AHEAD.
YOU.
WELL...
I WAS THINKING SOMEBODY LIKE YOU
COULD DO WELL IN METROPOLIS.
I HAVE TO FACE IT.
I'M NOT GOING TO FIND WHAT I WANT
IN SMALLVILLE ANYMORE.
COULD I MAKE IT IN METROPOLIS?
WHAT WOULD I DO?
CALL ME.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO.
WOULDN'T WANT TO CALL ME?
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A NUISANCE.
YOU COULDN'T BE A NUISANCE, LANA.
CLARK, MAY I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
MY OIL PAN IS LEAKING.
SEE? THERE'S SOMETHING DRIPPING.
YOU NEED A HAND?
NO, THANKS.
I STUDIED UP ON AUTO REPAIR.
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, BOY.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
LANA, I'LL GO SEE IF RICKY'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU OK?
YEAH.
GOSH! IS HE ALL RIGHT?
HI.
SUPERMAN?
THAT'S ME.
MOM! MOM!
RICKY!
HAVE HIM CHECKED BY A DOCTOR.
THANK YOU. I'M LANA LANG.
THIS IS RICKY.
THIS IS CLARK.
I HAVE TO BE GOING. SO LONG, RICKY.
WE WERE FLYING!
WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
LOOKING FOR BUSTER.
BUSTER!
I FOUND HIM!
BUSTER!
MR. KENT?
SUPERMAN WAS HERE!
WHAT?
HE REALLY WAS.
AREN'T YOU EXCITED?
I'M FROM METROPOLIS.
I SEE SUPERMAN EVERY DAY.
YOU DO?
COULD YOU GET ME HIS AUTOGRAPH?
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME...
[BUZZER RINGS]
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.
WHAT?
FIRST OF ALL, THEY LOST THE INVOICE,
THEN REALIZED THEY WERE SHORT ON SOME ITEMS.
I RENTED A CAR BECAUSE I MISSED THE PLANE.
HAD A FLAT TIRE ON THE HIGHWAY.
HAD TO FIX IT MYSELF WITH THESE PINKIES.
I FIGURED YOUR BOSS WOULD BE REAL PEEVED.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE'LL HANG OUR BUTTS AGAINST THE WALL.
HE WANTED THIS ORDER INSTALLED
NO LATER THAN TOMORROW.
I GOT TO SET UP TONIGHT.
GET WHAT SET UP?
PAL, YOU'RE A REAL LIFESAVER.
I MEAN A REAL LIFESAVER!
WHERE'S THE OFFICE?
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
FOLLOW ME.
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
OH, YEAH.
NOT BAD.
PRETTY GOOD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS SINGAPORE WING?
SLING. SINGAPORE SLING.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
THERE'S NOT ENOUGH VODKA.
THERE'S NO VODKA IN IT!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
PUT SOME VODKA IN IT.
WHAT DID YOU...
YOU KNOW, HEY...
THERE'S VODKA IN IT NOW, BUDDY.
YEAH. YEAH, PERFECT.
YOU NEVER PASS OUT, DO YOU?
NOPE.
NEVER.
COWBOY'S DOWN, BUDDY.
YOU THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK, TOO,
DIDN'T YOU?
HA HA! FOOLED YOU.
GET THE KEYS.
YEOWWW!
SOME...SOME... SOMEBODY'S DRUNK.
I'M NOT DRUNK.
HELLO, BABY.
OK.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET DOWN TO IT
AND LET'S DO IT.
ONE, TWO, BUTTON YOUR SHOE.
THEN PUT IT IN...
BOTHKEYS...
AT THE SAME TIME?
HO HO!
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU THINK YOU'VE WON, DON'T YOU?
THE PHILLY FLASH.
VROOM! VROOM!
OK...READY?
1...
2...
3!
YEAH. NOW...
WE'LL SEE WHAT WE'LL SEE.
OH!
OH...
OH.
COME ON. PLEASE LET ME IN.
THERE IT IS!
HELLO. NOW!
GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS.
I AM A GENIUS.
I AM A...
UM...LONGITUDE.
AND THE OTHER THING... LATITUDE, RIGHT?
OH, LOOK, MOREY.
A NATIVE WEDDING.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
iARRIBA!
THEY NEVER TOLD US THIS WAS THE RAINY SEASON.
Newscaster: METEOROLOGISTS ARE BAFFLED
BY THE TORNADO AND TORRENTIAL RAINSTORMS
THAT STRUCK COLOMBIA THIS AFTERNOON,
THREATENING TO DESTROY THE NATION'S COFFEE CROP
FOR THE NEXT 5 YEARS.
GALE-FORCE WINDS UP TO 250 MILES AN HOUR
HAVE LASHED THE COUNTRYSIDE,
WHILE 12 INCHES OF RAINFALL
HAVE BEEN RECORDED IN ONE DAY.
A SPOKESMAN FROM CALTECH
SAID THIS WAS THE MOST AWESOME DISPLAY OF--
TURN IT OFF!
IF I LAUGH HARDER,
I'LL SPLIT MY SIDES.
...SEEMS TO DEFY ALL LAWS OF WEATHER SYSTEMS
KNOWN TO SCIENCE.
POOR LITTLE COLOMBIA.
WELL. HA HA HA HA!
OOH! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT,
YOU BIG SILLY!
BUBBA, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT WE'RE ON TO?
DO I? EVERY TIME A DRUNK SOBERS UP,
HE'LL DRINK WEBSTER COFFEE.
WHY STOP AT COFFEE?
COFFEE GETS THE WORLD OFF TO WORK.
BUT WHAT KEEPS THE WORLD WORKING?
DIET SODA?
VERA, YOU MEAN...
YOU MEAN--
TODAY, COFFEE...
TOMORROW, THE OIL!
OIL?
IF GUS GORMAN CAN PUSH THE RIGHT BUTTONS--
I CAN HAVE IT ALL.
ALL THE OIL, ALL THE PUMPS,
ALL THE TANKERS.
THIS IS SOME NIFTY IDEA, VERA.
BOSS!
JUST THE MAN I WANT TO SEE.
IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
WHAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT?
SUPERMAN STARTED DOING HIS THING
WHEN YOU STARTED DOING YOURS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT AM I--
IT WAS ON TELEVISION, MAN.
DON'T CALL ME MAN.
I SAW COLOMBIA BITE THE DUST.
YOU DIDN'T SEE THE MAN FLYING OUT OF THE SKY
WITH HIS CAPE FLAPPING IN THE...
HIS CAPE WAS FLAPPING IN THE WIND.
HE WAS FLYING! HE WAS GREAT! WOOSHHH!
HIS CAPE BLEW IN THE WIND LIKE THIS,
AND HE LANDED IN THE MIDDLE
OF THIS BIG PLANTATION.
HE CHECKED EVERYTHING OUT WITH HIS X-RAY VISION.
THEN HE PUT LASER BEAMS
OUT OF HIS EYES ONTO EVERYTHING.
BZZZZ!
AND GUESS WHAT?
DRIED UP EVERYTHING, JUST LIKE THAT!
DRIED IT UP
LIKE MACHINES IN MEN'S ROOMS,
YOU KNOW, WHERE THE HOT AIR COMES OUT?
SOMETIMES THEY DON'T WORK.
BUT SUPERMAN'S WORKED.
AND YOU THINK HE TOOK BOWS?
NO, SIR. HE FLIES OFF AGAIN!
HE SAW WHAT CAUSED THE TROUBLE
AND FLEW INTO THE TORNADO,
WENT DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE TORNADO,
AND TURNED IT UPSIDE DOWN!
I THOUGHT I'D GO CRAZY!
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!
THE BIG END WAS ON THE BOTTOM.
THE LITTLE END WAS ON THE TOP.
MR. ROSS, IT WAS...
SUPERMAN'S BAD.
I'LL SAY HE WAS.
I MEAN, HE WAS BAD!
NO.
NO!
LET ME HELP.
IT WAS A PERFECT PLAN, FOOLPROOF!
WE WERE THE FOOLS.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
I DID WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO.
HE RUINED IT.
THE LOUSY DO-GOODER RUINED IT.
NOW HE'LL STICK HIS NOSE INTO MY OIL SCHEME
AND RUIN THAT, TOO.
I'VE GOT TO GET RID OF HIM.
BUT HOW, SHOOT HIM?
KRYPTONITE.
WHAT?
OR KRYPTONHAM...
OR KRYPTONHEIMER?
THERE'S STUFF THAT CAN HURT SUPERMAN.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
I KNOW SOME THINGS.
SO I UNDERSTAND FROM THE GRAFFITI I'VE SEEN.
SHE'S RIGHT.
KRYPTONITE! I REMEMBER READING ABOUT IT.
WHERE DOES IT COME FROM?
THE SAME PLANET SUPERMAN CAME FROM--
KRYPTON.
WHERE IS KRYPTON?
IT BLEW UP IN SPACE MANY YEARS AGO.
THEY SENT SUPERMAN HERE WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
I KNOW SOME THINGS, TOO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A PLANET EXPLODES--
DEBRIS, THINGS FLOATING IN SPACE.
WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHERE IN HEAVEN KRYPTON WAS
AND HAVE GUS CONTACT THE VULCAN SATELLITE.
GUS HAS BEEN THINKING.
THAT'S WHY I KEEP YOU AROUND.
I'M THINKING I'M NOT MAKING ENOUGH MONEY
FOR THIS GIG.
GUS...
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I HATE, IT'S GREED.
GREED? MR. ROSS, JUST A MINUTE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I CAN'T SKI!
AHHHHH!
OHHHHHH!
[WHISTLES]
[HORN HONKS]
OHH!
Ross: ONCE GUS CONTACTS THE VULCAN SATELLITE,
HE ORDERS IT TO SEARCH OUTER SPACE
AROUND WHERE KRYPTON WENT BYE-BYE.
THE LASER PROBE
LOCKS ONTO A CHUNK OF KRYPTONITE.
THE COMPUTER ANALYZES THE COMPONENTS,
AND THE LAB DUPLICATES THE STUFF.
UNKNOWN?
WHAT THE HELL? THEY DON'T SMOKE IT.
MR. WHITE CAN'T BE DISTURBED.
AFTER ALL, HE IS THE EDITOR.
WHERE IS HE?
HE'LL PAY FOR THIS.
IT'S NOT MR. WHITE'S FAULT.
GET OUT YOUR WALLET, MR. EDITOR!
GOOD MORNING.
DON'T "GOOD MORNING" ME!
"OLD RELATIONSHIPS SUDDENLY SEEM VERY MUCH THE SAME.
"THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN SCHOOL..."
"IS STILL THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN SCHOOL."
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO.
HELLO? OH, HI, CLARK.
LANA! HI.
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.
OH! LISTEN, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH RICKY.
WHY? WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S THE AUTOGRAPH YOU GOT FROM SUPERMAN.
HE TOLD THE KIDS
SUPERMAN'S COMING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY WEDNESDAY.
WHEN SUPERMAN DOESN'T SHOW UP, IT'S GOING TO...
WELL, IN THIS CASE,
I THINK I CAN SPEAK FOR SUPERMAN.
WE'RE PRETTY CLOSE.
TELL RICKY SUPERMAN WILL BE THERE ON WEDNESDAY.
WELL, HE'LL GET THE BEST HOME-COOKED MEAL
HE'S HAD IN A LONG TIME.
TELL SUPERMAN WE THINK HE'S WONDERFUL.
BUT, CLARK...
YOU'RE THE BEST.
I'LL TAKE IT TO THE SUPREME COURT.
IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.
IT WAS AN ACT OF GOD.
IN A CHURCH?
HEY, HERE'S THAT COMPOUND YOU ORDERED.
CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT,
BUT YOU GOT IT.
WHAT THE HELL AM I AFRAID FOR?
I'M FROM EARTH.
[MARCHING BAND PLAYS]
LANA, I REALLY WASN'T EXPECTING ALL THIS.
I GUESS THEY GOT CARRIED AWAY.
SUPERMAN...
WE ALL KNOW
THAT YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR HONORS,
BUT WHEN WE HEARD
YOU WERE COMING TO SEE RICKY,
WE REALIZED THIS WAS OUR CHANCE
TO THANK YOU
FOR PUTTING OUT THE FIRE
AND FOR SAVING LITTLE RICKY.
SINCE YOU ALREADY HAVE THE KEY
TO OUR HEARTS,
SUPERMAN...
MAY I PRESENT YOU
WITH THE KEY TO THE CITY?
THANK YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU.
[HORN HONKS]
[HONK]
AS YOU WERE!
NOW, LISTEN UP!
I JUST CAME DIRECTLY FROM THE PENTAGON,
AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE
THERE'S A DAMN GOOD REASON I DID.
BECAUSE GOD'S GIVEN US
ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS IN THE WORLD--
CHEMICALS!
YOU LIKE TO SIT IN CHURCH ON SUNDAY, DON'T YOU?
YOU LIKE TO SIT AND WATCH THE SUPER BOWL.
SIT ON WHAT?
YOU SIT ON MOLDED PLASTIC SEATS--
MOLDED TO YOUR WELL-FED BEHINDS!
I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU
THAT AMERICA LEADS THE WORLD IN PLASTICS.
WE CANNOT AFFORD A CHEMICAL PLASTICS GAP!
NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
DO YOU WANT
OUR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
SITTING DOWN TO WRITE A PEACE TREATY
AND HAVE HIS BALLPOINT PEN BUST OPEN
AND INK RUN ALL OVER HIS PANTS
IN FRONT OF WORLD LEADERS?
NOW WE ALL KNOW
THAT LAST WEEK,
HALF OF THIS GREAT NATION
ALMOST BIT THE BULLET,
IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS MAN HERE.
YAY! YAY!
ALL I CAN SAY
IS THANK THE LORD FOR SUPERMAN.
YAY! YAY! YAY!
SUPERMAN, YOU SAVED OUR BACON,
AND I'D LIKE TO SHOW OUR GRATITUDE.
THIS IS A SMALL TOKEN OF OUR APPRECIATION
FOR SAVING US FROM A CHEMICAL PLANT DISASTER.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENERAL.
IT'S VERY NICE. THANK YOU.
IT'S VERY NICE.
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT "UNKNOWN" MEANS?
UNKNOWN MEANS NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT IS.
HELLO, BOSS?
GUS GORMAN HERE.
IKNOWTHAT.
HOW DID IT GO?
YOU KNOW HOW THEY'RE TRYING TO FIND THE RECIPE
IN THAT CHICKEN IN THE BUCKET,
AND NOBODY KNOWS THE INGREDIENT
BECAUSE IT'S UNKNOWN?
WELL, IN KRYPTONITE, THERE'S AN UNKNOWN ELEMENT,
AND SUPERMAN DIDN'T DIE.
HE DIDN'T DIE.
I ASKED YOU TO KILL SUPERMAN,
AND YOU'RE TELLING ME
YOU COULDN'T DO THAT ONE SIMPLE THING?
UH...
HELLO?
HELLO.
HE HASN'T HAD A NAP FOR YEARS.
THIS WAS A BIG DAY. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR THAT WONDERFUL LUNCH.
I DO LIKE TO COOK.
YOU'LL TAKE COFFEE, WON'T YOU?
YES, PLEASE.
DECAFFEINATED, OF COURSE.
RIGHT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
YES.
WHAT?
REALLY?
YEAH, YEAH. HE'S HERE.
I'LL TELL HIM. BYE-BYE.
THAT WAS MY FRIEND BETTY.
THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT.
A TRUCK CRASHED THROUGH THE RIVER BRIDGE.
IT'S HANGING OFF THE SIDE OF THE BRIDGE,
AND THE DRIVER'S STILL IN THE CAB.
I HATE TO RUSH YOU.
THERE'S NO RUSH.
BUT THE BRIDGE.
I ALWAYS GET THERE ON TIME.
LET'S RELAX.
IT'S UNUSUAL FINDING A GOOD-LOOKING GIRL
LIKE YOU ALONE LIKE THIS.
LISTEN, UM...
SHOULDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE BRIDGE?
WHAT BRIDGE?
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I HAVE TO GET GOING.
GET HIM OUT OF THERE!
GET HIM OUT, QUICK!
THAT THING'S GOING TO GO.
EVERYBODY OK?
WHAT CAN I DO?
NOTHING, NOW.
IF ONLY YOU'D GOTTEN HERE SOONER.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
STRONZO, SUPERMAN!
"AT A SPECIAL SESSION OF THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY,
"178 COUNTRIES VOTED TO CENSURE SUPERMAN
WITH ONLY COLOMBIA ABSTAINING."
I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING.
HE WASN'T SO MEAN AND NASTY
IN SMALLVILLE.
HE WAS SO NICE,
I HATED LAYING THAT BIG CHUNK OF...
KRYPTONITE!
DON'T YOU SEE?
THAT STUFF WASN'T A COMPLETE FAILURE AFTER ALL.
AFTER GUS GAVE IT TO HIM,
HE BECAME AN EVIL, SELFISH--
A NORMAL PERSON.
NOW THAT SUPERMAN
IS OUT OF THE NICE GUY BUSINESS...
WE CAN WORK ON THAT OIL.
HA HA HA...
Announcer: AND NOW, THE SUPREME MOMENT
AS THE LAST RUNNER,
THE ONE GIVEN THE GREAT HONOR
OF LIGHTING THE CEREMONIAL FLAME
RUNS THE LAST LEG OF A MARATHON
THAT BEGAN 7 DAYS AGO,
AS THIS TORCH WAS PASSED
FROM ATHLETE TO ATHLETE
FOR 970 MILES
ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
HOW CAN HE SAY PURE CATEGORIES
HAVE NO MEANING IN TRANSCENDENTAL LOGIC?
WHAT ABOUT SYNTHETIC UNITY?
HI, HONEY. AM I IN YOUR WAY?
STICK AROUND.
YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.
HI, LORELEI.
OIL TANKERS ARE CONTROLLED BY COMPUTERS.
COMPUTERS TELL THEM WHERE TO GO
AND WHERE TO DELIVER OIL.
DON'T THEY HAVE CAPTAINS?
YES, BUT THEY DON'T NEED THEM.
IT'S SENTIMENTAL SEAFARING BALONEY.
YOU'LL COMMAND THE TANKERS
TO SAIL TOWARD A 50-MILE AREA
IN THE ATLANTIC.
AND DO WHAT?
AND DO NOTHING.
JUST SIT THERE.
HOW WILL THE PEOPLE GET THEIR OIL?
YOU CATCH ON FAST, OLD BUDDY.
EVERY OIL PUMP IN AMERICA
IS RUN BY--
COMPUTERS, I KNOW!
STOP INTERRUPTING!
I'M SORRY.
YOU WILL COMMAND THE PUMPS
TO STOP PUMPING.
THEN I WANT YOU TO PROGRAM ONE SPECIAL COMMAND
INTO ALL THESE SYSTEMS.
TELL THEM THESE ORDERS ARE IRREVERSIBLE
SO IT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANYONE
TO SWITCH THEM BACK.
CAN YOU DO THIS FOR ME, OLD BUDDY?
OLD PAL?
YOU GET YOUR WAY ALL THE TIME.
AND IT'S NOT RIGHT.
WHEN DO I GET A TASTE?
I THINK YOU'VE ALREADY
HAD A TASTE OF FREEDOM, HAVEN'T YOU?
OR WOULD YOU PREFER JAIL?
YOU CAN'T RUN THAT JAIL NUMBER ANYMORE.
I MEAN MORE TO YOU OUT HERE
DOING THINGS FOR YOU
THAN SITTING IN JAIL DOING NOTHING FOR NOBODY.
I SEE. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
A WASTEBASKET?
NO.
THESE ARE PLANS.
BLUEPRINTS.
FOR WHAT?
A COMPUTER.
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT COMPUTERS.
THERE'S NOT A COMPUTER LIKE THIS ANYPLACE.
IT DOESN'T EXIST.
WE HAVE TO BUILD IT.
WHAT WILL IT DO?
ANYTHING I TELL IT.
WHAT WILL IT DO FOR ME?
ANYTHING YOU TELL ME TO TELL IT TO DO FOR YOU.
TELL ME.
FIRST OF ALL,
IF ANYONE ATTACKS THIS MACHINE,
THE COMPUTER COUNTER-ATTACKS THEM.
IT FINDS THEIR WEAKNESSES AND WIPES THEM OUT.
RIGHT. YOU DEAL WITH MY OIL,
AND I'LL BUILD YOU YOUR MACHINE.
OK, I'LL DO IT,
BUT I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS IRREVERSIBLE BUSINESS.
ALL KINDS OF-- WHAT THE HELL?
THAT'S IT. THE LAST TANKER.
THEY'RE ALL MINE NOW. ALL MINE.
YAY!
NOT QUITE.
HMM?
WHAT'S THAT IN THE UPPER MIDDLE QUADRANT?
IT'S A TANKER.
AND IT'S GOING THE WRONG WAY.
SKIPPER, THERE IT IS AGAIN.
"PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO LATITUDE 30 NORTH
"LONGITUDE 45 WEST.
THERE AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS."
THAT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC.
I'M NOT GOING THERE
JUST TO AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS!
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO TO METROPOLIS,
AND WE'RE GOING TO METROPOLIS.
THAT'S WHERE SHE IS.
GET IT UP THERE!
MISS!
MISS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU!
DO NOT JUMP!
I REPEAT, DO NOT JUMP!
THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER GET HERE.
DON'T EXPECT ME TO SAVE YOU.
I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
I'M LONG PAST SAVING.
WELL...DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU FROM ANYTHING.
I'M IN NO RUSH.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
LOTS OF THINGS.
OH, YEAH?
AH!
OOH!
DO ME ONE FAVOR FIRST.
WHAT'S THAT?
WELL...
THERE'S THIS LITTLE BOAT,
AND IT'S NOT GOING
WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO.
Man: STOP ALL ENGINES!
STOP ALL ENGINES!
THE THIRD AND FOURTH TANK!
HI.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE APRèèS SKI?
CHAMPAGNE?
AAH!
TAKE YOUR TURN LIKE ANYBODY ELSE!
FRED! STOP IT!
HE'S COMING OVER HERE, MARTHA!
OOH! OOH!
DON'T YOU DO THAT!
OH!
PLEASE!
HIT HIM WITH YOUR HANDBAG!
PLEASE HELP ME!
SOMEBODY'S BEATING UP MY HUSBAND!
JACK, GO WITH HER.
THIRD ONE TODAY.
AT NIGHT, IT'S WORSE.
SOMEBODY'S BEHIND THIS.
YOU CAN'T TELL ME THERE'S NO OIL
AND THAT SOMEONE'S NOT GETTING RICH OFF THIS.
SOMEONE'S ALWAYS GETTING RICH.
AND YOU KNOW WHO SUFFERS?
THE SMALL GUY.
Radio: THE EAST COAST GETS THE BRUNT OF THE SPILL.
GUYS, TAKE THAT IN HERE.
NO, I CANNOT GO OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT.
I'M BUSY TOMORROW NIGHT, TOO.
DOING WHAT?
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
I GOT TO GO.
RICKY NEEDS ME.
BRAD, PLEASE STOP CALLING!
LISTEN TO ME.
YOU BETTER APPRECIATE BRAD.
WHAT ELSE YOU GOT IN SMALLVILLE?
WHAT ELSE HAVE I GOT IN SMALLVILLE?
I THINK I GOT THE RIGHT ANSWER.
SO DO I.
SMALLVILLE AIRPORT.
WHAT FLIGHTS DO YOU HAVE TO METROPOLIS?
MMM.
WHERE DO I PUT THIS?
OVER THERE. THERE.
WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS?
PUT IT UP THERE!
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'M NOT GOING IN THERE.
HEY! HEY!
JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE.
I CAN'T GET THROUGH.
THERE'S SOMETHING HAPPENING.
LOOK! SUPERMAN'S DRUNK!
I WANT TO SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING.
RICKY! RICKY!
RICKY!
THANK YOU.
IT'S A DISGRACE.
NOBODY'LL TRUST THAT CREEP AGAIN.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? HUH?
EXCUSE ME, SUPERMAN,
IT'S ME, RICKY.
RICKY FROM SMALLVILLE.
SAY YOU WON'T HURT ANYBODY!
RICKY, HE'S CHANGED!
MAYBE HE'S JUST SICK.
SUPERMAN, PLEASE GET BETTER!
HE'S NOT LISTENING TO YOU.
YES, HE IS.
HE'S GOT SUPERHEARING.
SUPERMAN, YOU'RE JUST IN A SLUMP!
YOU'LL BE GREAT AGAIN!
DO IT, SUPERMAN!
SUPERMAN, YOU CAN HEAR ME,
CAN'T YOU?
SUPERMAN, YOU'RE JUST IN A SLUMP!
YOU'LL BE GREAT AGAIN!
YOU CAN DO IT, SUPERMAN!
SUPERMAN, YOU CAN HEAR ME.
YOU'RE JUST IN A SLUMP.
I KNOW YOU CAN...
YOU CAN DO IT, SUPERMAN.
AAAAAAHHH!
HE'S GONE NUTS!
COME ON!
HA HA HA HA!
I CAN GIVE AS GOOD AS I GET.
YEAH? ALL RIGHT.
COME ON! COME ON!
TOO WARM FOR YOU, HUH?
HUH?
COME ON, CHICKEN!
COME AND GET ME.
GET UP!
AAH!
YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO FLY, KENT.
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.
SKIPPER!
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
Ross: LORELEI AMBROSIA ISN'T AT HOME,
BUT IF YOU CARE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE,
WHY NOT DELIVER IT TO HER IN PERSON?
SO YOU'VE FINALLY SHOWN YOUR TRUE COLORS.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR US,
HERE'S WHERE YOU'LL FIND US.
DO DROP IN.
THESE ARE FUN!
FUN? THE FUN'S JUST STARTING.
WAIT TILL SUPERMAN FINDS US.
THEN YOU'LL SEE FUN.
YOU'RE GOING TO MESS WITH SUPERMAN?
I WANT TO BE READY
WHEN HE FALLS INTO OUR TRAP.
WHY CAN'T YOU BALLOON DOWN LIKE US?
OH...
NO WAY.
I DON'T BELIEVE A MAN CAN FLY.
GEE! WATCH OUT, HORSIE!
NO! DON'T, DON'T!
JUST DON'T TRY TO FLY.
DON'T TRY TO FLY.
HEY THERE!
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
HURRY! HERE WE ARE!
I AM HURRYING.
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!
TURN ON THE LIGHT.
WHERE'S THE LIGHT SWITCH?
WHERE DO YOU USUALLY FIND IT?
OH! IT'S PITCH BLACK!
OOH, THAT'S BETTER.
WOW! WHAT A JUKEBOX!
I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I?
THERE! THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER.
IT DOES EVERYTHING A NORMAL COMPUTER CAN DO
AND A THOUSAND THINGS NONE OF THEM CAN DO.
LET'S GIVE IT A DRY RUN.
WE'VE GOT TO WAIT FOR GUS.
WHO NEEDS GUS?
HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN OPERATE IT.
I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT COMPUTERS
TO PUT A Ph.D. TO SHAME.
YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D LET HIM RUN THE SHOW.
PEONS NEVER TIDY UP WHEN THEY'RE DONE WORKING.
COME ON, BUBBA, IT'S SHOWTIME.
ENGAGE THOSE BUTTONS
TO ACTIVATE THE ALPHA CIRCUIT
AND UNLOCK THE MODULAR GRID.
YOU! ACTIVATE CIRCUITS
29 THROUGH W-7
AND START FULL POWER COORDINATES
ON EXTERIOR DEFENSIVE SYSTEMS.
IN OTHER WORDS, PUSH THIS RED BUTTON.
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
HE'S HERE!
LET'S GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
NOW LET'S SEE...
TRACKING SYSTEMS LOCKED.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
DON'T TENSE UP, HONEY.
NEARLY!
COME ON, BUBBA, YOU'RE WASTING ROCKETS!
COME ON, SUPERMAN!
LET HIM HAVE IT, ROSS!
BUBBA, KEEP FIRING.
I'LL GET THE M-X READY.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
YO! HYAH! WHOA!
KEEP YOUR ROCKETS COMING!
HE WON'T NOTICE THE MISSILE UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.
SO MUCH FOR YOUR CATLIKE REFLEXES.
GOD!
AHA!
OH! OH!
NO! NO MORE!
LOOK! YOU SIT!
SIT!
HELP!
HELLO!
GIT, YOU JACKASS!
THAT'S HIM OUT OF THE WAY!
NOW, SISTER,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTROL
ALL THE WORLD'S WEAPONS SYSTEMS?
BABY! IT'S DADDY!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BABY?
GUS, OLD BUDDY GENIUS!
COME JOIN THE FUN!
HE'S STILL COMING!
ARM THE INNER DEFENSES!
WEBSTER, THE GAME'S OVER.
HI, HONEY.
I DON'T KNOW YOU.
BUT THE OTHER NIGHT...
I'M SORRY. THAT WASN'T ME.
THAT GUY'S GONE.
YOU'RE NEXT, WEBSTER!
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF COMPUTERS.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
IT'S TYPICAL OF YOU.
ALL YOU FOUR WANT IS TO HELP YOURSELVES.
"FOUR...OF YOU"?
YOU MEAN US... FOUR?
WAIT!
OH, HEY, MAN!
THAT'S ONLY HIS LAST NAME.
CALL HIM SUPERMAN.
SEE, I'M NOT WITH THEM, SUPERMAN.
YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.
THAT'S VERY GOOD.
LET'S SEE HOW LONG HE CAN CARRY ON WITHOUT AIR.
HE'S GOING TO GET ME!
DON'T BET ON IT!
NO! NO... AHHH...
YOU'RE HURTING HIM.
AH!
THAT'S KRYPTONITE!
THIS TIME WE GOT IT RIGHT!
YOU'RE A GENIUS.
YOU'VE INVENTED A MACHINE
THAT FINDS ANYBODY'S WEAK SPOT.
YOU'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY
AS THE MAN WHO KILLED SUPERMAN.
I'M--NO.
SUPERMAN!
NO!
WAIT A MINUTE!
TURN THE POWER UP!
HE'S HAD ENOUGH POWER.
TURN IT UP!
POWER! MORE POWER!
AH! OWW!
OK...75.
37, THEN 75.
PLEASE...
THERE'S A CURRENT LEVEL OF 7.
IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE...
THERE IT IS!
SHH! SHH!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I DON'T KNOW. THE POWER'S GONE.
GUS PULLED THE PLUG OUT!
IT WORKS. IT WORKS!
I GOT IT!
I GOT THE...
I...OOOHHH...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
OHHHH...
GIVE ME THAT.
THIS SCREW?
THAT SCREW.
NEVER.
HEY! I CAN'T SEE!
[BONES CRUNCH]
HOLY...
NO! MAKE IT STOP!
IT'S OUT OF CONTROL!
BUT HOW?
WHERE'S THE POWER COMING FROM?
IT'S FEEDING ITSELF.
IT WANTS TO LIVE!
WHAT'S THIS HERE?
WE'LL GO TO THE ZOO.
THEN WE'LL GO--
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT'S OK, RICKY!
TURN THE LIGHTS ON!
STOP IT! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!
DON'T! STOP!
YEAH!
PUT ME DOWN!
DON'T LEAVE US ALONE, SUPERMAN!
I GET IT.
THE COAXIAL SHAFT
IS ENDANGERING THE GRID SOURCE FACTOR.
WE'RE THROUGH, FROGFACE. I'M SPLITTING!
WAIT A MINUTE!
HEY, GIRLS!
GIRLS! COME ON!
SIS!
OH! HELP ME!
SIS!
SIS?
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT IS THAT?
LORELEI!
SHE GOT ME!
IT'S YOUR BUBBA!
HELP ME! HELP!
SUPERMAN!
HONEY!
HONEY, I'M STUCK HERE!
WHAT ABOUT ME?
LOOK OUT!
AAH!
BUBBA?
THANK YOU, BROTHER.
REGULAR OR PREMIUM?
WHAT THE HELL?
GIVE HER THE GOOD STUFF.
HOW YOU DOING THERE, GUS?
PLEASE DON'T TALK!
I'M HAVING ENOUGH TROUBLE HANGING ON.
I'LL GO SLOW. YOU'RE PERFECTLY SAFE.
ANY MAN WHO CAN TRICK MY MACHINE
CAN DO ANYTHING.
HOW DID YOU BEAT MY DEFENSES?
THE MACHINE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS IN TROUBLE.
I WENT IN THERE WITH PLAIN ACID.
WHEN THAT STUFF GETS HOT ENOUGH,
IT'LL EAT THROUGH ANYTHING.
WATCH THE TREES.
I GUESS IT DIED OF...ACID INDIGESTION.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO WEBSTER
AND THE LADIES?
THEY'LL HAVE TO SEE THE POLICE NOW.
WHOA! ARE WE IN METROPOLIS YET?
NO. WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A LITTLE STOP.
WHOOOOAAA!
WE'RE ON THE GROUND, GUS.
YOU OK, SUPE?
I'M FINE. EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU GUYS SPARE ONE OF THESE?
SURE, SUPERMAN.
IT IS SUPERMAN, AIN'T IT?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
DIDN'T YOU SEE US
FLY OUT OF THE SKY?
WE'RE THE ONLY 2 MEN WHO CAN FLY.
JUST RIGHT.
OK, GUS. LET'S GO.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT TAKING THE BUS.
SUIT YOURSELF.
DOES YOUR BOSS HAVE A COMPUTER?
YEAH, HE'S GOT A LITTLE BITTY ONE.
TELL HIM TO GIVE GUS GORMAN A JOB.
WELL, THANK YOU, SUPE.
TAKE CARE.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
SO LONG!
TAKE IT EASY, MAN.
WELL, YOU GOT GOOD REFERENCES.
IF YOU WANT THAT JOB...
UH...
WELL, NAH. THIS IS NOT FOR ME.
WHERE IS THE BUS STATION?
9 OR 10 MILES OVER THERE.
9 OR 10 MILES?
OK.
YOU REALLY FLEW WITH HIM?
SUPERMAN?
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUPERMAN BEFORE?
NO.
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME AND HIM?
ME AND SUPERMAN?
YEAH, WE GO WAY BACK TOGETHER.
WE ALWAYS--USUALLY-- SOMETIMES--WE...
9 OR 10 MILES?
I THINK I'LL WALK.
YEAH, I'LL WALK.
YEAH.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
CLARK!
WHAT A SURPRISE!
COME IN.
HI, MR. KENT.
HI.
MOM'S HAVING DINNER WITH SUPERMAN TONIGHT!
THAT'S WHAT I CAME TO TELL YOU.
SUPERMAN'S SORRY,
BUT HE'S HAD A PROBLEM.
HE CAN'T HAVE DINNER TONIGHT.
I GUESS HE MISSES A LOT OF DINNERS.
WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR ME?
ANY DAY!
I'LL GET MY THINGS.
OK.
LANA, I WAS TALKING TO SUPERMAN.
HE AND I TALK A LOT.
HE FELT BADLY
ABOUT YOU HAVING TO PAWN YOUR RING.
AND...
WELL, HE FOUND...
HE FOUND THIS ONE JUST LYING AROUND...
HE WANTED YOU TO HAVE THIS.
A RING FROM SUPERMAN!
I'LL GET IT.
LOOK AT THAT!
OH, CLARK!
IT'S OK.
IT FITS!
LOOKS REALLY PRETTY.
WELL!
BRAD! BRAD!
SON OF A BITCH!
KENT, I HATE YOU.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU.
YOU KNOW WHY?
NO.
'CAUSE YOU'RE NICE.
AND NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!
ARRGGGH!
LOIS, I'VE GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU.
WHO ELSE TURNS A VACATION
INTO A STORY
ABOUT CORRUPTION IN THE CARIBBEAN?
I KNEW I WAS ONTO SOMETHING WHEN I WAS KIDNAPPED.
LOIS, YOU'RE TERRIFIC!
I HAVE TO BE.
SEEMS I'VE GOT COMPETITION.
THAT STORY YOU WROTE ON THE CLASS REUNION?
I THOUGHT IT WAS TERRIFIC.
THANKS.
I LIKED THE LITTLE GIRL BACK HOME.
TELL ME ABOUT IT AT LUNCH.
I'M HAVING LUNCH
WITH MR. WHITE'S NEW SECRETARY.
HI, LANA.
LOIS, THIS IS LANA,
SMALLVILLE'S NEWEST GIFT TO METROPOLIS.
I LIKE YOUR WRITING A LOT.
THANK YOU.
I LIKE YOUR SPARKLER A LOT.
I WAS SURPRISED
WHEN CLARK GAVE IT TO ME.
CLARK?
YES.
MR. WHITE! MR. WHITE!
LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT!
I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS MACHINE!
I HAVE ERRANDS TO RUN BEFORE LUNCH.
GO AHEAD, MR. WHITE.
WHERE'S THE HANDLE?
JUST PUSH THE BUTTON!
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
GIORGIO, POR FAVORE?
GRAZIE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--