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[It's The Most Wonderful Time
"Of The Year:" Andy Williams]
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[Screams]
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My firm's done a tremendous
amount of market research.
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We've discovered two things:
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One, most Americans feel
that Christmas is a time for family.
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Two, most Americans feel that in order
to stand being around their family,
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for even one or two days,
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they need to swill as much
alcohol as humanly possible.
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Now, I'd like you
to meet the Noggertons.
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They're a classic American family.
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They're together on Christmas,
they're fat-free,
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and 10 percent alcohol
by volume.
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Enjoy our family, so you can
enjoy your family.
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What do you think?
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So, you're suggesting we tell people
the only way to get through the holidays
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is to drink spiked egg nog?
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I'm suggesting the only way
to get through the holidays
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is to buy your farm-fresh, fat-free,
pre-spiked egg nog in a bottle.
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- Take care. All right.
- It's all good. How do you do it?
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I'm very excited.
I look forward to it.
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It went pretty well, huh?
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I'm a genius.
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I feel like I could sell
whale steaks to Greenpeace.
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Nice image.
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- Here are your tickets to Fiji.
- Ah.
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[Drew] Missy, we've been
dating a while.
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Let's take our relationship
to the next level.
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[Missy] I've hoped you would say that.
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[Drew] I got you a little
pre-Christmas Christmas gift.
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[Missy] Yeah?
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I want you to open it now
because it involves our future.
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The future of you and me together.
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It's kind of for both of us,
in that way.
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[Gasps]
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[Breathless] Okay.
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Tickets to Fiji?
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Yes. First class.
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Drew, on Christmas?
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Christmas is the family holiday.
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I mean, what are we doing? What is this?
I mean, what is going on?
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Where is this relationship headed?
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Fiji. First class.
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- Missy?
- Uh-uh. Okay.
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Here's an example
of one of our problems.
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You never introduced me to your family.
You never mentioned your family.
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Do you even have a family?
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How can you be serious about me,
if you're not serious about your family?
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You need to get some
serious help, Drew.
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I think you're missing the point.
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If I told you everything about me,
there'd be no more sense of mystery.
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Nothing left to discover.
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With nothing left to discover,
a relationship dies.
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You don't want this to die, do you?
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It just did.
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Come on. Don't be like that.
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You're gonna be like that?
Go ahead. Go.
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I'm going to spend Christmas
with my family.
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You can spend Christmas alone.
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[Drew] Missy.
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Kathryn, I need you to get
a Cartier bracelet to send to Missy.
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Something expensive,
a lot of diamonds, very flashy.
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- Include a personal note from me.
- What exactly do you want it to say?
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Something personal that shows
the depth of my feelings, my emotions.
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- You're good. That's why I hired you.
- Okay, but it's not gonna work.
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My man.
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Oh, Dougie!
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Doogan. Doog-ray.
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Douglas.
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It's Drew.
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Drew Latham.
[Chuckles]
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Yeah. What's up, man?
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What are you up?
Ah, nothin', nothin'.
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Hey, man,
what're you doing for Christmas?
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Family? Nice. Nice call.
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Uh, you got room for one more?
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Well, I think we are that close.
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I love Jewish Christ...
I'll light candles, spin the dreidel.
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It'll be great,
a matzo ball soup and baklava.
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All right, well, that's Greek.
Fine, whatever. I'm just...
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You still there?
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I know you have a baby.
I'm just saying, like, you know,
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they just lie there
and crap themselves, right?
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After a while,
how interesting is that?
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No, I'm not saying anything bad.
I'm just sayin'...
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Huh?
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Well, maybe, your wife
doesn't have to come, man.
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Maybe it's me and you
for Christmas.
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You ever think about that?
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Would you mind if I came by
to your house and spent Christmas?
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It's like one or two, three days, tops.
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[Pen scratching]
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[Sighs] All right.
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Merry Christmas.
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[Jet engines roaring]
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[Man] Okay, right over here.
Everybody stay together.
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All real good.
Okay, you've got Tu-Tu...
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[Drew] Doctor Freeman!
Thank God, I found you.
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[Freeman] Sir, sir...
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I gotta spend Christmas alone.
I'm having a panic attack.
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- You gotta help me. Please!
- Who are you? I don't know you.
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I'm the boyfriend
of one of your patients.
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- You are?
- Missy Vangilder.
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[Laughing] You're Drew.
You're Drew. Oh, God.
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- What does that mean?
- I'm not allowed to say.
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- How did you find me?
- I bribed a woman at your service.
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She should raise her standards
or you gotta fire her.
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She totally caved for 200 bucks.
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- Whatever.
- I need a few minutes.
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[Freeman] Backpacks on the belt.
Game Boy too.
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You gotta help me out.
I don't wanna spend Christmas alone.
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If you would just please!
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She's gotta put
the bear on the belt.
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Can't she walk it through?
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She's got to put it on the belt.
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- It's a puppy!
- I know it's a puppy.
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Put Tu-Tu on
and she'll go for a ride.
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- My Tu-Tu!
- I need one second.
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If you could just please!
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- Okay, gimme the puppy.
- Sir, I need you to step here.
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- [Drew] You're abusing your child.
- Can you see I've got my own problems?
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- Whoa, whoa, now.
- I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
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Okay. Okay.
Hey, I know.
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- Heard it on the radio once.
- All right.
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Write down your grievances
about your family on paper.
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- All your grievances.
- Right.
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Go someplace that reminds you
of your childhood,
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at sunset and light
that piece of paper on fire.
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As the last shred of paper
is burning away, you whisper,
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"I forgive you."
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- "I forgive you."
- Mm-hm.
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- And it burns up.
- That's it.
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I like it.
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- Oh, thanks so much!
- Whoa! All right.
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- Have a good vaca.
- Where's my daughter?
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- [Beeping]
- Sir?
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Huh? Oh, there she is.
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Whoa! Hey! Come on out!
Come out for Daddy!
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My grievances.
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Okay, buddy, here we go.
That'll be $ 72.50.
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My God!
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That's it!
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00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,671
That's the house I grew up in.
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How's the $ 72.50 comin'?
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00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,927
Good. It's comin' good.
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Keep the meter running.
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00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,621
- [Tom] Almost out of salami.
- [Christine] No.
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Well, thank you for telling me.
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00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:49,126
- I don't wanna run out, that's all.
- God forbid.
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00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,170
- Did Brian eat?
- I don't know.
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[Shouting] Get down here
and eat your dinner.
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- I'm not hungry!
- [Tom] Yeah, you are!
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[Christine] Stop yelling at me.
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[Tom] I'm not yelling at you.
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Brian!
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[Shouting] Brian!
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00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:12,149
Get down here please, so your father
can stop not yelling at me!
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I'm busy!
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We shouldn't have put
the computer in his room.
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00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,488
He's gonna spend
all his time there.
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Oh, Tom.
Welcome to the future, dear.
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He's advancing his skills.
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One day that computer's
gonna get our baby a good job.
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[Beeping]
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00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:30,459
[Music plays, woman's voice]
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Trust me. What he's doin',
nobody's gonna pay for,
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'cause if they did,
I'd have retired at 17.
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00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:45,516
- [Tom] What?
- There's a guy out there.
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Who the hell is that?
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[Drew] All right. Alone on Christmas.
I can do this.
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[Sighs] I rid myself
of all my grievances.
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00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,748
Be gone, grievances.
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00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,670
What the...
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I forgive you.
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00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:24,388
Holy Moly. This joker.
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[Tires screeching]
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00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,706
What are the neighbors gonna think?
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00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:54,376
Unless they want to get hit, they
shouldn't be burning crap in my yard.
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Is he still breathing?
179
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Dear God, Tom.
You've killed the man.
180
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:02,593
Oh, shit! He's still alive!
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00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:05,679
[Groaning] Hello.
182
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,265
[Whimpers]
183
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:14,229
My name is Drew Latham.
[Chuckles]
184
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:18,108
I grew up in this house.
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00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:21,320
That's why you came back and
tried to burn it down, Pyroboy?
186
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,488
- Brian, call the cops.
- Oh, no, no, no!
187
00:14:23,614 --> 00:14:27,201
That won't be necessary. That's fine.
I was just outside burning,
188
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:29,828
someone told me to burn
a list of my grievances
189
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:33,373
outside of the home of my birth
to help me with loneliness issues.
190
00:14:33,499 --> 00:14:35,876
- So, it's all fine.
- Oh.
191
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:39,922
Any-hoo, apologies
and I'm gonna go.
192
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:43,383
Would you mind terribly
if I took a look-see around the house?
193
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:45,886
- I'll give you a tour.
- [Drew] Oh, thank you.
194
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:48,388
Hold on.
195
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:51,141
- You got any more matches?
- No. No, no, no.
196
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,643
Are we done with all that?
197
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,102
Yes. The burning. Yes.
198
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,772
It's completely done.
I'm actually better.
199
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,273
I'm watching you.
200
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:04,655
Wow. I can't believe it!
201
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:07,407
This is amazing!
It's exactly how I remember it.
202
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:11,870
- You mean it was always a shithole?
- No. No, it's great.
203
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:19,503
[Squeak]
204
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:22,506
- Did you hear that?
- [Squeaking]
205
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,883
That stair squeaked.
206
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,636
Do you know what we
used to call that squeaky stair?
207
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,806
"The squeaky stair."
[Laughing]
208
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:34,142
- [Squeaking]
- [Laughing]
209
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:46,280
Wow. My old room.
210
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,781
My God.
211
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:51,076
Hey, look at that!
I can touch the ceiling.
212
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:54,538
It's much smaller than I remember it.
Did you do something?
213
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:57,332
Yeah. We had it reduced.
214
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,919
Cost a lot, but yeah,
I think it was...
215
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,462
I think it was worth it.
216
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,756
Man, this is great.
Man, this is the best.
217
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:08,302
You guys sittin' around
eatin' dinner like a family.
218
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:11,346
I always wanted that.
This is really wonderful.
219
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,224
[Brian] Wonderful.
220
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,476
So, what's for dessert?
221
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,188
- Kitchen's closed.
- Aw.
222
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,315
- Yeah, I got things to do.
- Ah, boy.
223
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:23,775
Tom, why don't you
see the man out?
224
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:26,486
I didn't want to let him in.
I'll call you a cab.
225
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,530
Is that necessary?
226
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:29,865
Yeah, it is. Yeah.
227
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,534
But you know, man,
I gotta tell ya,
228
00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:35,162
all these years I've been
avoiding Christmas,
229
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:39,458
and I just realized,
this is what I've been longing for.
230
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,836
A real family, you know?
In a true home.
231
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,547
That's why I'm thinking
232
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,592
it might be a good idea
if I lived with you.
233
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,802
- [Drew grunts]
- [Door slams]
234
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,671
[Drew knocking] Tom! Tom!
235
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,424
Tom, please!
Please let me stay here!
236
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,509
No.
237
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:33,512
- I'll pay you.
- My family's not for sale, pal.
238
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:36,306
Tom, I'll pay you $250,000.
239
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,601
Welcome home, son.
240
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,187
[Splashing]
241
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,814
Mom.
242
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,530
Tom, that guy is still here.
243
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,408
- Yeah, I know.
- Why is he still here?
244
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:59,788
He's givin' us $250,000
to be his family for Christmas.
245
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,125
And you agreed to this?
Without asking me?
246
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:06,879
Of course I did.
He's giving us $250,000.
247
00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:10,048
How would you like it if I
agreed to this without asking you?
248
00:18:10,174 --> 00:18:13,135
Well, that would depend.
Would we be getting $250,000?
249
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,974
Okay. What exactly
did you agree to?
250
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,270
[Sighs]
251
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,196
It's a big day for this family.
252
00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:34,156
- Very well.
- All right.
253
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:38,118
Mr. Latham agrees
to pay the sum of $250,000
254
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:43,749
to the Valcos for services rendered
until 11:59 pm on Christmas Day.
255
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:46,627
And for said sum, the Valco family
256
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,005
will aid Mr. Latham in recapturing
257
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:53,175
those childhood Christmas memories,
258
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,969
- including, but not limited to,
- [sighs]
259
00:18:56,053 --> 00:19:00,682
All due festiveness, celebrations,
various and sundry merriments,
260
00:19:00,766 --> 00:19:02,851
and yuletide glee.
261
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,020
Agreed!
262
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,064
Agreed, right?
263
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,358
Fakin' it anyway.
Might as well get paid.
264
00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:11,235
Will there be anything else?
265
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,529
Oh, yeah. I gotta sleep
in Brian's room.
266
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,657
What? No.
Where is this going here?
267
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,952
Like it says in the contract.
I get to sleep in my old room.
268
00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:23,956
Oh, come on. Creepy grievance guy
wants to sleep in my room?
269
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:27,918
If I wanted that, I'd use a bus ticket
those guys send me on the Internet.
270
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:30,963
I just wanna sleep in my room,
like it says in the contract.
271
00:19:31,088 --> 00:19:33,173
Brian, you're in the guest room.
272
00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:37,344
My computer's not in the guest room.
How am I supposed to... study?
273
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,304
Use your imagination.
274
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:42,099
Well, I'm gonna
catch some shut-eye.
275
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:46,270
Who wants to go Christmas tree
shopping with me in the morning?
276
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,650
Apparently, you all do.
277
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,027
[Birds chirping]
278
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,741
[Yawns]
279
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,047
I'm home.
280
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,062
Oh!
281
00:20:30,147 --> 00:20:32,149
[Christine] Brian? Brian!
282
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,109
[Brian] I didn't do it.
283
00:20:34,193 --> 00:20:35,402
[Drew] It's all right.
284
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:39,323
[Chuckling] I'll fix it.
I'll fix it. Ow.
285
00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:49,082
[Tom] Well, that should do it,
assuming no other idiot...
286
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,132
Is he eatin' my salami?
287
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,384
That's what it looks like.
288
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:05,641
- It's 9:00 in the mornin'.
- Oh, I know. It's not breakfast food,
289
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:08,060
but it was lookin' good.
I had to dog some.
290
00:21:08,185 --> 00:21:10,729
Yeah, it is good.
291
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,982
- Is that the last of it?
- Yep.
292
00:21:26,036 --> 00:21:29,039
Oh. You didn't want some, did ya?
293
00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,834
No. It's all right.
It's fine, it's fine.
294
00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:33,418
Ah.
295
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:38,382
[Drew] Kathryn, I hope
you're checking messages.
296
00:21:38,507 --> 00:21:41,176
Should anyone need to reach me,
they can call my cell.
297
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,803
If you need to send anything,
298
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:47,474
the address is 2 Edgewood Road
in Lincoln Wood, Illinois.
299
00:21:47,558 --> 00:21:49,518
Stayin' with my family.
300
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:51,895
Hey, Dad?
301
00:21:54,815 --> 00:21:57,150
He's talkin' to you, genius.
302
00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:00,529
Yeah, Drew?
303
00:22:02,114 --> 00:22:06,118
Would you do me a kindness?
Put this hat on.
304
00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:09,454
My dad used to wear a Santa hat
when we went Christmas tree shopping.
305
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:10,581
[Laughter]
306
00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:12,499
- In public?
- Yeah.
307
00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:14,126
That would be no.
308
00:22:14,251 --> 00:22:17,462
And in private,
that would be no, too.
309
00:22:17,588 --> 00:22:19,214
Please wear the hat.
310
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:22,551
No. I'm not wearing the hat.
311
00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,803
Tom, you gotta wear the hat.
312
00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:27,306
- I'm not wearin' the hat.
- Wear the hat, Tom.
313
00:22:27,431 --> 00:22:30,184
Now get it away from me
before I shove it up your ass.
314
00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:36,231
Tom, are you familiar
with the phrase "breach of contract?"
315
00:22:40,944 --> 00:22:44,364
- Give me the hat.
- All right.
316
00:22:44,448 --> 00:22:48,785
$250,000. $250,000.
317
00:22:48,911 --> 00:22:52,039
- $250,000.
- [Brian chuckling]
318
00:22:52,122 --> 00:22:53,582
You're lookin' good, Dad.
319
00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:55,417
- [Christine] Tom!
- Shut up!
320
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,377
Eyes on the road.
On the road. Dad.
321
00:22:57,461 --> 00:22:59,046
- Gimme your leg.
- [Screeching]
322
00:22:59,213 --> 00:23:01,089
[Drew] No.
323
00:23:04,885 --> 00:23:06,678
Nope.
324
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,472
Oh, wait a minute.
325
00:23:08,597 --> 00:23:10,474
This could be it.
This could be it.
326
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:12,893
Yep. This is it.
This is the one.
327
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:15,229
[Drew] You're good.
Excuse me, folks.
328
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:21,151
Dad, you wanna lift that up,
have respect for the tree? No?
329
00:23:21,235 --> 00:23:23,862
It's gonna be in our house, so...
330
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:26,657
Wait, wait, wait.
Where are we going with this?
331
00:23:28,158 --> 00:23:31,245
All right. Let's get that baby up there,
hoist that up.
332
00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:33,789
- Get that on the roof.
- [Tom grunts]
333
00:23:33,872 --> 00:23:35,624
All righty.
334
00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:39,294
[Drew] That's pretty good. All right!
You got it. There you go.
335
00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:41,255
Get around it.
Get around on it.
336
00:23:41,338 --> 00:23:42,548
[Tom straining]
337
00:23:42,673 --> 00:23:46,051
Brian, get your skinny little ass
out of the car!
338
00:23:46,176 --> 00:23:47,928
[Drew] You got it, Dad.
You got it.
339
00:23:48,011 --> 00:23:49,555
You got it.
340
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,308
Nice one. All right, I think it's good.
I think it's good like that.
341
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:56,395
Whoo! Christmas time.
342
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:04,903
- [Drew] How's it look?
- [Brian] It could trigger a seizure.
343
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:07,531
I know.
Wait till you see it lit up.
344
00:24:07,656 --> 00:24:08,949
I thought it was lit up.
345
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,159
Oh no, no, no.
346
00:24:10,284 --> 00:24:13,829
We gotta sing "Christmas Tree" first.
Tom, you take the lead.
347
00:24:14,663 --> 00:24:17,457
- You want me to sing?
- Yeah.
348
00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:20,627
Do I have to?
349
00:24:20,711 --> 00:24:22,004
Yeah.
350
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:25,299
Would it make any difference
if I didn't want to?
351
00:24:25,382 --> 00:24:26,508
Not really.
352
00:24:28,886 --> 00:24:30,721
Come on.
353
00:24:32,764 --> 00:24:34,808
Oh, Christmas tree
354
00:24:34,892 --> 00:24:37,394
Christine, you wanna
help me out here a little?
355
00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:39,438
No, you're doin' great.
356
00:24:39,563 --> 00:24:43,483
You're doin' good, Dad.
Come on. You can do it.
357
00:24:46,904 --> 00:24:50,699
[Both] "Oh, Christmas tree"
Oh, Christmas tree
358
00:24:50,824 --> 00:24:54,244
You stand in woodland beauty
359
00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:56,163
You are as green
360
00:24:56,246 --> 00:24:58,081
- "As winter snow"
- "As summer snow"
361
00:24:58,207 --> 00:25:00,459
- Winter snow.
- "Winter snow"
362
00:25:00,584 --> 00:25:04,087
As in summer's brightest glow
363
00:25:04,213 --> 00:25:09,426
Oh, Christmas tree
Oh, Christmas tree
364
00:25:09,551 --> 00:25:14,723
You stand in woodland beauty
365
00:25:14,806 --> 00:25:16,517
Ahhh
366
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,851
That was great.
367
00:25:17,935 --> 00:25:20,437
- [Drew] That was good.
- [Tom] That was, yeah.
368
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:21,522
All right.
369
00:25:21,605 --> 00:25:26,401
Without further ado, let's fire it up.
Ready? One, two...
370
00:25:26,527 --> 00:25:28,737
- [knocking]
- [Groans]
371
00:25:28,862 --> 00:25:31,240
All right, people.
Take five. I'll deal with this.
372
00:25:31,365 --> 00:25:33,200
Thank Christ.
373
00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:36,161
Can I help you?
374
00:25:38,288 --> 00:25:40,791
Yeah. Who are you?
375
00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:42,543
Um, who are you?
376
00:25:42,626 --> 00:25:44,336
[Christine] Alicia!
377
00:25:44,461 --> 00:25:46,672
Hey, Mom. Hi. Who's this?
378
00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:48,966
Mom, who is this?
379
00:25:49,091 --> 00:25:50,759
Okay, what's going on?
380
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:54,137
Dad's rented us for the holidays
to this eccentric millionaire.
381
00:25:54,263 --> 00:25:57,599
[Drew] You have a daughter?
Since when do you have a daughter?
382
00:25:57,724 --> 00:26:00,978
- It's her terrible secret.
- This is gonna ruin everything.
383
00:26:01,103 --> 00:26:03,564
- The whole bit doesn't work.
- Ruin? Know what?
384
00:26:03,647 --> 00:26:07,526
Shh. Will somebody say something
that makes some sense right now?
385
00:26:07,651 --> 00:26:09,903
Well, around Christmas,
I get anxiety...
386
00:26:09,987 --> 00:26:12,322
No, no. You stop talking. Mom?
387
00:26:12,447 --> 00:26:15,617
Drew wants a family Christmas,
so we're gonna be his family.
388
00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:17,494
- That's insane.
- Tell me about it.
389
00:26:17,619 --> 00:26:20,330
I never had a sister,
so this is bullshit right here.
390
00:26:20,455 --> 00:26:22,958
Okay. You are my
illegitimate love child.
391
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:25,460
- Mom!
- And you had no idea about her.
392
00:26:25,544 --> 00:26:27,462
That could be good.
You know what?
393
00:26:27,546 --> 00:26:29,840
- She could be the maid!
- Okay. Enough.
394
00:26:29,965 --> 00:26:31,675
Hey, my baby's home.
395
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,635
- Hi, Daddy.
- How are you, Lissi?
396
00:26:33,719 --> 00:26:36,972
Hi. I'm good.
You've obviously lost your mind.
397
00:26:37,097 --> 00:26:39,600
Can I talk to you
in the dining room, please?
398
00:26:39,725 --> 00:26:40,851
You knew about this?
399
00:26:40,976 --> 00:26:43,437
- Stay away from my daughter.
- Okay, Mom?
400
00:26:43,562 --> 00:26:45,606
- This guy is obviously crazy.
- I know.
401
00:26:45,689 --> 00:26:47,983
So, I'm gonna go upstairs,
and take a bath,
402
00:26:48,108 --> 00:26:51,361
and when I wake up in the morning,
he's gonna be gone, right?
403
00:26:51,486 --> 00:26:52,696
Maybe.
404
00:26:52,821 --> 00:26:55,449
I'm not gonna be a good sport
about this, Mom.
405
00:26:55,532 --> 00:26:58,035
Oh, darling, we'd never
expect you to be.
406
00:26:59,536 --> 00:27:01,121
Thanks.
407
00:27:01,205 --> 00:27:03,790
[Drew] Come on, Mom!
It's tree time!
408
00:27:08,545 --> 00:27:09,755
[Drew] Okey-dokey.
409
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,216
All right.
We're back on track.
410
00:27:16,386 --> 00:27:17,679
Yeah.
411
00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:20,974
Okay.
412
00:27:21,058 --> 00:27:25,229
Here we go.
One, two, three!
413
00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:30,317
[Drew] Now it feels like Christmas.
414
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,903
[Brian] I can smell
my eyeballs burning.
415
00:27:32,986 --> 00:27:35,989
[Drew] Very important.
Don't look directly at the tree.
416
00:27:36,156 --> 00:27:37,699
[Dog barking]
417
00:27:45,916 --> 00:27:47,251
- Brian!
- What?
418
00:27:47,376 --> 00:27:49,294
Wake up!
It's your brother, kind of!
419
00:27:49,419 --> 00:27:51,713
It's snowing outside!
It's a snow day!
420
00:27:53,090 --> 00:27:54,508
Why are you waking me up?
421
00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:56,969
I don't want you
to miss the fun, man!
422
00:27:58,428 --> 00:28:00,013
What fun?
423
00:28:00,097 --> 00:28:04,309
[Drew] Oh! Facial! Iceball!
Whoo! Ha ha!
424
00:28:04,434 --> 00:28:06,436
Look out! Oh!
425
00:28:06,562 --> 00:28:08,230
Right in the nuts!
In the nuts!
426
00:28:08,313 --> 00:28:10,274
- I can't feel my toes.
- Here he comes.
427
00:28:10,399 --> 00:28:13,485
The look of vengeance.
Eye of the tiger.
428
00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:15,445
Oh, oh.
Now he's getting furious.
429
00:28:15,571 --> 00:28:17,406
Whoo! Whoo!
430
00:28:18,532 --> 00:28:20,909
- Whoo!
- [Door closing]
431
00:28:23,620 --> 00:28:26,665
- What's up, Tom?
- Brian, go inside.
432
00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:30,502
See you later, Bri.
It was fun.
433
00:28:30,627 --> 00:28:32,462
You like throwing snowballs?
434
00:28:32,588 --> 00:28:34,840
I was just havin' a good time.
You know.
435
00:28:34,965 --> 00:28:37,134
Yeah. Throw one at me.
436
00:28:37,259 --> 00:28:39,511
That's cool.
Don't worry about it.
437
00:28:39,636 --> 00:28:41,138
We're kinda finished now.
438
00:28:41,263 --> 00:28:43,390
Come on.
Like you said, it'll be fun.
439
00:28:43,473 --> 00:28:46,268
It's getting a little chilly.
I don't wanna bother.
440
00:28:46,393 --> 00:28:49,229
- Don't worry about it.
- Ah, come on. Throw it.
441
00:28:50,772 --> 00:28:52,983
All right, I'll throw one,
I'll throw one.
442
00:28:59,531 --> 00:29:01,408
Good one.
443
00:29:03,076 --> 00:29:04,453
Now it's my turn.
444
00:29:06,872 --> 00:29:08,707
No!
445
00:29:11,877 --> 00:29:13,462
That was great.
446
00:29:13,587 --> 00:29:15,756
Any time you wanna do that,
let me know.
447
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:17,758
We said no iceballs, man.
448
00:29:17,841 --> 00:29:19,635
Oh, did we?
449
00:29:20,844 --> 00:29:22,304
Morning, Mom.
450
00:29:22,387 --> 00:29:24,014
Freak.
451
00:29:25,766 --> 00:29:26,850
You know what?
452
00:29:28,602 --> 00:29:31,230
We may have gotten off
on the wrong track.
453
00:29:31,355 --> 00:29:32,648
We should start over.
454
00:29:32,731 --> 00:29:34,566
- Here you go, Drew.
- Thanks, Mom.
455
00:29:34,691 --> 00:29:36,568
- Mmm.
- Problem?
456
00:29:36,693 --> 00:29:40,197
My real mom puts marshmallows
in the hot chocolate.
457
00:29:40,322 --> 00:29:43,408
Know what I was thinking?
If you don't wanna play my sister,
458
00:29:43,534 --> 00:29:46,495
maybe you could be, like,
a wonderful, mysterious
459
00:29:46,620 --> 00:29:49,414
Ecuadorean cleaning lady.
You know?
460
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:52,376
Or Swedish cleaning lady.
The ethnicity's not important.
461
00:29:52,501 --> 00:29:55,087
But cleaning lady's good.
Oh. Mmm.
462
00:29:55,212 --> 00:29:56,672
What?
463
00:29:56,755 --> 00:29:59,842
My real mom used the
mini-marshmallows. Sorry.
464
00:29:59,925 --> 00:30:04,513
Speaking of your mom, why aren't you
annoying your own family?
465
00:30:04,638 --> 00:30:07,599
That's not really your business,
is it, Consuela?
466
00:30:14,398 --> 00:30:16,567
[Drew] Ho, ho, ho!
467
00:30:16,692 --> 00:30:19,903
All righty.
Welcome, everyone.
468
00:30:21,655 --> 00:30:23,365
- Here you are.
- What is this?
469
00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:26,994
These are what we
in the business call scripts, Tom.
470
00:30:27,077 --> 00:30:29,830
- Excuse me?
- You don't have to worry about it.
471
00:30:29,913 --> 00:30:31,957
Your role is what we call "small."
472
00:30:32,082 --> 00:30:35,711
Well, you're what we
in real life call "a jackass."
473
00:30:35,794 --> 00:30:38,755
I don't know about that,
but I do know that my being here
474
00:30:38,881 --> 00:30:41,842
may have caused some awkwardness
within the family.
475
00:30:41,925 --> 00:30:44,428
- You think?
- [Drew] I do, Tom. Seriously.
476
00:30:44,511 --> 00:30:48,098
And it's even possible
that some of it could potentially be
477
00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:50,434
in some small way
partly my fault.
478
00:30:50,559 --> 00:30:52,895
Which part wasn't your fault?
479
00:30:53,020 --> 00:30:55,439
Bop, bop, bop, bop.
I'm talking. Okay?
480
00:30:55,564 --> 00:30:58,817
So what I've done is I went
ahead and wrote a sequence,
481
00:30:58,942 --> 00:31:02,070
so you guys can get a sense
of what I'm going for here.
482
00:31:02,154 --> 00:31:04,740
And we're all gonna
read this aloud.
483
00:31:04,823 --> 00:31:08,118
- I feel like I'm insane.
- That's why you have no lines.
484
00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:10,871
- Mom, I believe you go first.
- Okay.
485
00:31:10,954 --> 00:31:12,831
"Oh, look at us.
486
00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:16,752
I sure hope you like the meal
I so lovingly prepared
487
00:31:16,877 --> 00:31:18,795
for the people I love.
488
00:31:18,921 --> 00:31:22,216
She smiles at Tom."
Oh, she's...
489
00:31:23,091 --> 00:31:25,844
[Drew] Have you acted?
You've acted before.
490
00:31:25,969 --> 00:31:27,721
- A little theater.
- I can tell.
491
00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:31,266
- I see it. It comes out.
- You were in "Pippin" in high school.
492
00:31:31,391 --> 00:31:33,894
You played Wind.
493
00:31:33,977 --> 00:31:36,313
Tom, you have the next line.
494
00:31:36,438 --> 00:31:38,106
Uh...
495
00:31:38,232 --> 00:31:41,610
"Say thank you to your mother
for all her hard work cooking for us."
496
00:31:41,735 --> 00:31:44,071
"Thank you."
497
00:31:44,154 --> 00:31:46,657
"Oh, I don't work nearly
as hard as you, dear."
498
00:31:46,740 --> 00:31:47,991
Well, that's true.
499
00:31:48,116 --> 00:31:51,119
Tom, let's stay on book, please.
Brian, go ahead.
500
00:31:51,245 --> 00:31:54,915
"Gee, Mom, I love you
like the dickens.
501
00:31:54,998 --> 00:31:57,000
Should we pray?"
502
00:31:57,084 --> 00:32:00,462
Gee, Beav, do you think Wally's
gonna give you the business?
503
00:32:00,546 --> 00:32:03,006
Oh, there you are, Consuela.
504
00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:06,760
Five waters for everyone, please.
Gracias.
505
00:32:06,844 --> 00:32:09,972
[Clears throat] Brian,
you were about to say grace.
506
00:32:11,682 --> 00:32:15,477
- "Dear God..."
- Brian. We hold hands at grace.
507
00:32:18,522 --> 00:32:20,524
[Brian] "Dear God,
508
00:32:20,649 --> 00:32:21,984
thank you for this meal.
509
00:32:22,109 --> 00:32:24,111
Thank you for blessing us
with a family.
510
00:32:24,236 --> 00:32:25,863
Not everyone has a nice family.
511
00:32:25,988 --> 00:32:27,656
And also we, O Lord,
512
00:32:27,739 --> 00:32:31,076
are so lucky to have Drew
in our lives."
513
00:32:31,201 --> 00:32:32,870
Amen.
514
00:32:34,288 --> 00:32:36,498
"An emotional moment."
515
00:32:36,623 --> 00:32:38,500
Sorry, I keep doing that.
516
00:32:38,584 --> 00:32:42,087
"Brian, if you eat it all up,
I will let you sleep with me
517
00:32:42,212 --> 00:32:45,340
like I never did
when you were little."
518
00:32:47,676 --> 00:32:49,970
An awkward moment.
519
00:32:50,053 --> 00:32:51,972
Skip ahead.
That doesn't work.
520
00:32:52,055 --> 00:32:54,975
- That's not supposed to be there.
- What does this mean?
521
00:32:55,058 --> 00:32:57,060
"Doo-Dah enters
in his bathrobe."
522
00:32:57,186 --> 00:33:01,106
Sweet Jim Jiminy!
Cold corn in the mornin'!
523
00:33:01,231 --> 00:33:05,694
- This weather is killin' my joints.
- Brian, go get the shovel.
524
00:33:05,819 --> 00:33:09,615
[Drew] Listen to me. When Alicia came,
she totally ruined everything.
525
00:33:09,740 --> 00:33:12,159
Everything was so normal
up until that point.
526
00:33:12,242 --> 00:33:13,577
Silencio, por favor.
527
00:33:13,702 --> 00:33:16,955
So I realized what I had to do
was expand the family.
528
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,833
I had to find my grandpa.
So I went and found my Doo-Dah.
529
00:33:19,917 --> 00:33:22,085
Here he is. My Doo-Dah.
530
00:33:22,211 --> 00:33:25,881
Your Doo-Dah looks exactly like the guy
in "Christmas Carol." Scrooge.
531
00:33:25,964 --> 00:33:28,217
That's right.
I do community theater.
532
00:33:28,342 --> 00:33:31,345
And this Christmas night,
I'm reprising my role as Scrooge
533
00:33:31,428 --> 00:33:34,056
in the Lincoln Wood
Theater Group's production
534
00:33:34,139 --> 00:33:36,892
of "A Christmas Carol."
I hope you all can make it.
535
00:33:36,975 --> 00:33:39,520
Please stay in character, Saul, okay?
536
00:33:39,603 --> 00:33:41,396
"I'm so glad that you came here.
537
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,191
You're gonna stay for
the whole Christmas holiday."
538
00:33:44,274 --> 00:33:47,361
Whoa, no, he's not.
I agreed to let you in the house,
539
00:33:47,444 --> 00:33:50,239
- not Doo-Doo over here.
- Doo-Dah.
540
00:33:50,364 --> 00:33:52,699
- Nobody's talkin' to you.
- [Groans] Look.
541
00:33:52,783 --> 00:33:54,576
I'll give you $25,000.
542
00:33:56,870 --> 00:33:58,413
How you doin', Doo-Dah?
543
00:33:58,539 --> 00:34:00,249
You can stay in the living room.
544
00:34:00,374 --> 00:34:02,668
No, Dad, I'm sleeping
in the living room.
545
00:34:02,793 --> 00:34:04,169
Not anymore.
546
00:34:04,294 --> 00:34:06,839
Where am I gonna sleep?
547
00:34:06,964 --> 00:34:08,924
[Dog barking]
548
00:34:11,802 --> 00:34:14,054
Ow.
549
00:34:14,137 --> 00:34:15,973
I hate these people.
550
00:34:16,473 --> 00:34:18,642
[The Waitresses:
Christmas Wrapping]
551
00:34:30,654 --> 00:34:33,490
Everybody get some presents,
get your shoppin' done,
552
00:34:33,615 --> 00:34:37,327
and then we'll meet at 4:00
at Santa's Village to take pictures.
553
00:34:37,452 --> 00:34:39,288
Kids, don't lose track of time.
554
00:34:39,413 --> 00:34:41,623
Mom, you wanna stick
with Doo-Dah?
555
00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:45,085
- Why me?
- He's your father.
556
00:34:45,169 --> 00:34:48,213
- [Doo-Dah] How come you never call?
- Tom! Tom! Tom!
557
00:34:48,338 --> 00:34:49,923
Yes, Drew?
558
00:34:50,007 --> 00:34:52,801
Aren't you forgettin' something, T-Bone?
559
00:34:54,303 --> 00:34:57,472
Here you go, Lenny.
Happy holidays to you.
560
00:34:57,598 --> 00:34:59,391
- [Lenny] You too.
- Hey, Tommy!
561
00:34:59,516 --> 00:35:01,476
[Laughing] Nice hat.
562
00:35:01,602 --> 00:35:05,355
- How's the holidays?
- Considering I got a pain in my ass
563
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,482
about six feet tall
in my house, all right.
564
00:35:07,608 --> 00:35:09,109
Oh, relatives, huh?
565
00:35:09,193 --> 00:35:11,195
- Kinda.
- Oh, your wife's family.
566
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,490
They hang around your house
all day and drink your beer.
567
00:35:15,407 --> 00:35:17,451
They eat your salami.
568
00:35:18,494 --> 00:35:22,080
- Hey, guys! Wait up!
- [Alicia sighs]
569
00:35:22,206 --> 00:35:23,665
- [Screeching]
- [Honking]
570
00:35:23,749 --> 00:35:26,335
[Man] Asshole!
571
00:35:26,460 --> 00:35:28,837
[Santa Claus is Comin' to Town]
572
00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:48,440
[Drew] All right, there we go.
573
00:35:48,565 --> 00:35:49,942
Excuse me.
574
00:35:53,362 --> 00:35:55,197
All of you?
575
00:35:59,076 --> 00:36:00,285
Mom, this sucks.
576
00:36:00,410 --> 00:36:02,412
Tell your father.
He made the deal.
577
00:36:02,538 --> 00:36:04,456
Everybody say "Merry Christmas."
578
00:36:04,581 --> 00:36:08,001
- [All] Merry Christmas!
- [Santa and Drew] Ho, ho, ho!
579
00:36:11,505 --> 00:36:14,007
Doo-Dah, interest you
in a Christmas cookie?
580
00:36:14,091 --> 00:36:15,592
I can't. I'm diabetic.
581
00:36:15,717 --> 00:36:17,719
That dog won't hunt, my friend.
582
00:36:17,845 --> 00:36:20,347
Doo-Dah wasn't diabetic.
Go ahead and take one.
583
00:36:20,472 --> 00:36:22,307
Look, kid, I get that.
584
00:36:22,432 --> 00:36:25,227
But if I eat this thing,
I can't act not dead.
585
00:36:25,310 --> 00:36:26,854
- [Tires screeching]
- Hey!
586
00:36:26,979 --> 00:36:28,981
Slow down.
The roads are icy.
587
00:36:29,106 --> 00:36:32,818
- I don't want you to kill your family!
- [Drew] Perfect, Christine.
588
00:36:32,943 --> 00:36:35,362
That's what my mom
would've said. Good improv.
589
00:36:35,445 --> 00:36:38,740
Before your father
threw her out of the car.
590
00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:40,367
[Door squeaks]
591
00:36:40,492 --> 00:36:43,287
Ah, the old carriage house.
Brings back memories.
592
00:36:43,412 --> 00:36:45,330
- What's going on?
- Brian, go inside.
593
00:36:45,455 --> 00:36:47,833
What? Come on! Dad.
594
00:36:47,958 --> 00:36:50,544
I'm in my pajamas.
You want me to sleep outside?
595
00:36:50,627 --> 00:36:51,962
Go.
596
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,798
Fine.
597
00:36:55,799 --> 00:37:00,095
I can't go in my room, I get...
You know, when I become a serial killer
598
00:37:00,179 --> 00:37:01,388
don't act surprised.
599
00:37:01,471 --> 00:37:03,473
Think positive, Bris-eye.
600
00:37:03,557 --> 00:37:06,560
Use your positive mindset.
That's not what we talked about.
601
00:37:06,643 --> 00:37:08,562
It's hard to get through to him.
602
00:37:08,645 --> 00:37:10,439
So what's goin' on?
What's up?
603
00:37:10,564 --> 00:37:12,274
You gotta go.
604
00:37:12,357 --> 00:37:14,693
- What?
- We can't do this no more.
605
00:37:16,069 --> 00:37:17,779
What do you mean?
What can't we do?
606
00:37:17,863 --> 00:37:21,825
Christine and I,
we're thinkin' about breakin' up.
607
00:37:23,202 --> 00:37:26,955
What? Why?
Is it my fault? Something I did?
608
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,083
Is it the hat? Forget it.
Wear whatever you want, Tom.
609
00:37:30,167 --> 00:37:32,294
It's not you.
It's nothin' to do with you.
610
00:37:32,377 --> 00:37:36,673
It's been goin' on for a long time.
We're just... It's not workin' out.
611
00:37:36,798 --> 00:37:40,677
We were gonna wait till after
the holidays to tell the kids,
612
00:37:40,802 --> 00:37:42,471
and you know, with you here,
613
00:37:42,596 --> 00:37:46,266
and with your Christmas cheer crap,
it's making it worse.
614
00:37:46,350 --> 00:37:49,728
Tom, first of all,
I wanna reward you for opening up
615
00:37:49,853 --> 00:37:52,481
with a big "thank you,"
that deserves some credit.
616
00:37:52,606 --> 00:37:55,359
Second, let me tell you
what you need to do.
617
00:37:55,484 --> 00:37:57,402
If I was you
and comin' into some money,
618
00:37:57,528 --> 00:38:01,365
I'd do somethin' big, somethin'
you always wanted your whole life.
619
00:38:01,490 --> 00:38:03,408
Somethin' that makes you happy.
620
00:38:03,534 --> 00:38:07,663
I want the money. I really do.
It's Christine, she keeps...
621
00:38:07,788 --> 00:38:10,290
All right. Let me worry
about Christine, okay?
622
00:38:10,374 --> 00:38:12,125
I'll worry about Christine.
623
00:38:12,209 --> 00:38:15,254
You worry about Tom,
'cause it's Tom time.
624
00:38:15,379 --> 00:38:19,049
- [Knocking] Christine?
- Yes, dear?
625
00:38:19,174 --> 00:38:22,135
- Can I talk to you?
- Of course, dear. I'm your mother.
626
00:38:22,261 --> 00:38:24,179
You can talk to me
about anything.
627
00:38:24,263 --> 00:38:25,472
Great.
628
00:38:25,556 --> 00:38:28,892
- Are you all right?
- Uh-huh.
629
00:38:29,017 --> 00:38:32,437
You sure? 'Cause you just put
a bra in Brian's sock drawer.
630
00:38:32,563 --> 00:38:34,189
Oh, well, that's your brother.
631
00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:37,317
15. Likes to experiment.
We still love him.
632
00:38:38,777 --> 00:38:43,699
Look, Christine, I know what's going on
with you and Tom,
633
00:38:43,782 --> 00:38:46,535
and first of all,
I just wanna say that
634
00:38:46,618 --> 00:38:49,788
I'm feeling a little ripped off here,
you know?
635
00:38:49,913 --> 00:38:52,708
I thought I was getting a real family.
This is bullshit.
636
00:38:52,833 --> 00:38:55,794
Well, it's time you grew up
and faced facts, isn't it?
637
00:38:55,919 --> 00:38:58,922
Mommies and daddies
fall in love, make babies,
638
00:38:59,047 --> 00:39:02,509
pay bills, get mad,
and stop touching each other!
639
00:39:05,929 --> 00:39:08,223
Second of all,
640
00:39:08,307 --> 00:39:11,894
I was thinkin' I could do something
to help you, make you feel better.
641
00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:13,937
How about just me and you
go shopping?
642
00:39:14,062 --> 00:39:17,274
- For what?
- I don't know. Just go shopping.
643
00:39:17,399 --> 00:39:19,860
You know what I mean?
It's fun just to buy shit.
644
00:39:19,943 --> 00:39:24,239
Listen, I know all the best
makeup and hair people.
645
00:39:24,323 --> 00:39:27,284
The best fashion photographer
in Chicago owes me huge!
646
00:39:27,409 --> 00:39:28,869
So?
647
00:39:28,952 --> 00:39:31,371
You don't see it, do you?
648
00:39:31,455 --> 00:39:35,042
You don't see what
a beautiful woman you are.
649
00:39:35,125 --> 00:39:39,630
You have grace and kindness
and sensuality,
650
00:39:39,755 --> 00:39:41,924
and this incredibly striking,
651
00:39:42,007 --> 00:39:45,219
kind of offbeat beauty that's...
652
00:39:45,302 --> 00:39:48,430
You look in the mirror, and don't
see it. We're gonna show you.
653
00:39:48,514 --> 00:39:50,933
How would you like me
to arrange your very own,
654
00:39:51,058 --> 00:39:53,810
very hip, very sexy, yet tasteful,
655
00:39:53,936 --> 00:39:56,772
very elegant, very modern,
very expensive
656
00:39:56,855 --> 00:39:59,233
photo shoot, just for you?
657
00:40:02,152 --> 00:40:03,403
[Sobbing]
658
00:40:03,487 --> 00:40:05,989
Or not.
I mean, whatever...
659
00:40:06,073 --> 00:40:11,078
Oh, Drew, you've made
your mama so happy.
660
00:40:11,161 --> 00:40:12,955
[Chuckles] Great.
661
00:40:14,665 --> 00:40:18,794
- Oh, Mom.
- [Christine chuckles]
662
00:40:25,050 --> 00:40:27,469
[Drew] Hey, Alicia.
Want to go tobogganing?
663
00:40:28,929 --> 00:40:32,057
Oh, I'm sorry, Drew.
Have I been sending you mixed signals?
664
00:40:32,182 --> 00:40:35,477
[Chuckles] I just thought
maybe instead of sitting around
665
00:40:35,561 --> 00:40:38,522
bickering and hating me,
you might like to have some fun.
666
00:40:38,647 --> 00:40:40,566
No, thanks.
667
00:40:40,691 --> 00:40:42,651
[Drew] Ah, I see.
668
00:40:42,776 --> 00:40:44,820
I get it.
669
00:40:44,945 --> 00:40:47,906
You're afraid of fun.
You don't like having fun.
670
00:40:48,031 --> 00:40:50,826
What the hell does that even mean,
"I don't like fun"?
671
00:40:50,909 --> 00:40:52,411
Of course I like fun.
672
00:40:52,536 --> 00:40:55,205
Everybody likes fun. It's fun.
673
00:40:55,330 --> 00:40:58,041
All right, so then why
won't you go with me?
674
00:40:58,167 --> 00:41:00,252
Because it would be with you.
675
00:41:00,377 --> 00:41:03,172
You know what I think?
I think you're afraid.
676
00:41:03,255 --> 00:41:06,049
I think you're afraid
that you will go, and have fun,
677
00:41:06,175 --> 00:41:08,719
and you might enjoy yourself,
and you'd be with me.
678
00:41:08,844 --> 00:41:11,388
What would that say about you?
That's what I think.
679
00:41:11,513 --> 00:41:13,765
- Really?
- [Drew] Mm-hm.
680
00:41:14,725 --> 00:41:16,518
Let's go.
681
00:41:19,062 --> 00:41:21,523
- [Alicia] All right.
- [Drew] Ready, Freddie.
682
00:41:21,648 --> 00:41:23,942
- Well, hello there, youngsters.
- Hi.
683
00:41:24,067 --> 00:41:25,777
- Tobogganing?
- Breakneck Hill.
684
00:41:25,903 --> 00:41:27,196
- Fun.
- [Drew] Yeah.
685
00:41:27,321 --> 00:41:28,780
Oh, what do you know?
686
00:41:28,906 --> 00:41:32,201
Back in my day, we couldn't
afford fancy toboggans.
687
00:41:32,326 --> 00:41:34,411
Are you smoking pot?
688
00:41:34,536 --> 00:41:35,496
[Honking]
689
00:41:35,579 --> 00:41:37,331
[Rock music playing]
690
00:41:43,253 --> 00:41:44,546
What do you think?
691
00:41:44,671 --> 00:41:46,131
Nice.
692
00:41:46,256 --> 00:41:48,675
Yeah. This'll keep you
from dying, Dad.
693
00:41:48,759 --> 00:41:50,636
Had one of these
when I was single.
694
00:41:50,761 --> 00:41:52,429
I bet.
695
00:41:52,554 --> 00:41:54,932
Know what happened to me
on the way over here?
696
00:41:55,057 --> 00:41:57,017
- What?
- Got propositioned by a hooker.
697
00:41:57,142 --> 00:41:59,144
- Did you?
- The blonde with the big cans?
698
00:41:59,269 --> 00:42:02,022
Hey, watch your language
around my daughter.
699
00:42:02,105 --> 00:42:05,234
Brian, take a look at your father's
new automobile here!
700
00:42:05,359 --> 00:42:07,402
Yeah, what do you think?
701
00:42:07,528 --> 00:42:09,279
It's old.
702
00:42:09,404 --> 00:42:11,323
[Alicia] All right.
Hey, Bri, come on.
703
00:42:11,448 --> 00:42:15,077
- We're gonna go tobogganing.
- That's great.
704
00:42:20,207 --> 00:42:22,084
She's ready.
705
00:42:23,377 --> 00:42:25,504
Hi. I'm Christine.
706
00:42:27,130 --> 00:42:29,424
I feel so pretty.
707
00:42:36,682 --> 00:42:39,601
- What are you doing?
- Modeling.
708
00:42:41,103 --> 00:42:42,563
[Heinrich] Here.
709
00:42:44,815 --> 00:42:49,361
Chad, have you ever
seen me so elated?
710
00:42:49,486 --> 00:42:52,614
It must be this woman. Yes.
711
00:42:52,739 --> 00:42:56,535
Isn't she sexy? Erotic.
712
00:42:56,660 --> 00:42:58,537
- Speak!
- Absolutely, Heinrich.
713
00:42:58,662 --> 00:43:01,832
- She's got that special quality...
- Get out now.
714
00:43:01,957 --> 00:43:05,419
- But I'm agreeing with you.
- You hesitated.
715
00:43:05,544 --> 00:43:08,672
Yeah, you heard him.
Get out! Beat it!
716
00:43:08,797 --> 00:43:11,300
Get out! Beat it!
717
00:43:11,425 --> 00:43:15,262
[Chuckling] Uh-oh.
He thinks we're serious.
718
00:43:15,345 --> 00:43:18,098
We were serious.
719
00:43:18,182 --> 00:43:20,559
Very serious.
720
00:43:20,684 --> 00:43:22,769
[Warrant: "She's My Cherry Pie]"
721
00:43:22,853 --> 00:43:25,022
[Heinrich] Yeah!
722
00:43:25,147 --> 00:43:27,774
"Ausgeseichnet!" Yeah!
723
00:43:27,858 --> 00:43:30,569
Yeah! Yeah!
724
00:43:30,694 --> 00:43:34,448
Ah! Erotic! Yeah! Yeah!
725
00:43:34,531 --> 00:43:35,532
Oh, yeah! Great!
726
00:43:35,657 --> 00:43:36,992
Oh, more!
727
00:43:37,075 --> 00:43:39,453
Lick the lollipop! Yeah!
728
00:43:39,620 --> 00:43:41,497
[Brian] I do not want to do this.
729
00:43:41,580 --> 00:43:43,457
Ah, you say that now.
730
00:43:43,540 --> 00:43:48,045
Once you get going, you'll run and jump
and squeal with joy.
731
00:43:48,712 --> 00:43:50,547
- [Drew] Okay?
- [Alicia] Let's do this.
732
00:43:50,672 --> 00:43:52,299
[Drew] Here we go.
Hunker down.
733
00:43:52,382 --> 00:43:55,219
Center your weight.
Breakneck Hill!
734
00:43:59,556 --> 00:44:02,434
Whoo! Whoo!
735
00:44:02,559 --> 00:44:05,437
That was crazy!
Did you see him fly down the hill?
736
00:44:06,396 --> 00:44:08,941
I made a mistake.
It was scarier when I was younger.
737
00:44:09,066 --> 00:44:11,276
- Can we go home now?
- No, we can't go home!
738
00:44:11,401 --> 00:44:14,863
We are gonna risk permanent paralysis
or die trying!
739
00:44:20,869 --> 00:44:23,872
That one! Land!
740
00:44:26,667 --> 00:44:30,963
[Drew] Yes, sir! Whoo!
Gonna be some serious fun!
741
00:44:31,088 --> 00:44:34,216
[Brian] Sure, in a Sonny Bono
kind of way.
742
00:44:35,592 --> 00:44:37,845
What's that I hear?
A little chicken?
743
00:44:37,928 --> 00:44:39,221
[Clucks]
744
00:44:39,346 --> 00:44:42,349
- Chicken.
- Yeah. And very much so.
745
00:44:42,432 --> 00:44:43,892
I'm gonna go home now.
746
00:44:44,017 --> 00:44:47,187
- Seriously? You're leaving?
- [Brian] See ya at the chopper.
747
00:44:47,271 --> 00:44:51,400
Wow. Never thought I'd see the day
that taunt would lose its power.
748
00:44:51,525 --> 00:44:53,902
What about you?
Chicken with broccoli?
749
00:44:53,986 --> 00:44:57,239
Actually, part of me thinks
that it's incredibly stupid,
750
00:44:57,322 --> 00:44:59,491
and the other part is in agreement.
751
00:44:59,616 --> 00:45:01,493
- There you go.
- You're chicken.
752
00:45:01,618 --> 00:45:03,036
- Know what I think?
- What?
753
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:07,166
I think that you had no intention
of going down this hill.
754
00:45:07,291 --> 00:45:11,420
I think that you dragged us up here
because you knew we wouldn't go down it.
755
00:45:11,503 --> 00:45:14,965
I think you were showing off.
That's what I think.
756
00:45:15,090 --> 00:45:16,633
Wait. You think I'm chicken?
757
00:45:16,758 --> 00:45:18,552
- I'm chicken?
- [Alicia laughs]
758
00:45:18,635 --> 00:45:22,389
Let me give a little clue here, okay?
759
00:45:22,472 --> 00:45:25,058
You think I'm chicken?
I'll show you.
760
00:45:25,142 --> 00:45:26,643
You see me?
I'm ready to go.
761
00:45:26,768 --> 00:45:29,354
Where are you?
Nowhere to be seen. Chicken.
762
00:45:29,479 --> 00:45:30,939
All right.
Come on. Let's go.
763
00:45:31,064 --> 00:45:32,649
- You're getting on?
- Yeah.
764
00:45:32,774 --> 00:45:34,735
- No!
- Come on, push off.
765
00:45:34,818 --> 00:45:36,695
[The Primitives: "Crash]"
766
00:45:59,384 --> 00:46:01,762
[Both screaming]
767
00:46:01,845 --> 00:46:04,890
[Laughing]
768
00:46:09,353 --> 00:46:11,813
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God.
769
00:46:13,190 --> 00:46:16,443
I told you you'd have fun with me.
770
00:46:27,371 --> 00:46:29,665
[Sneezes]
771
00:46:29,790 --> 00:46:34,044
- Sorry.
- That's cool. It's okay.
772
00:46:37,548 --> 00:46:41,176
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
773
00:46:42,427 --> 00:46:45,848
- It's my fault you got sick.
- [Sniffling] It's not your fault.
774
00:46:45,973 --> 00:46:48,892
We even might have gotten sick
without tobogganing.
775
00:46:49,017 --> 00:46:51,478
It didn't help walking home
in wet clothes.
776
00:46:51,562 --> 00:46:55,274
- You wanna watch TV?
- Uh-huh.
777
00:46:55,399 --> 00:46:57,025
[Drew groaning]
778
00:47:01,655 --> 00:47:04,575
[Warrant: "She's My Cherry Pie]"
779
00:47:24,678 --> 00:47:26,889
- Hey.
- Hi.
780
00:47:31,685 --> 00:47:33,937
You look different.
781
00:47:34,062 --> 00:47:36,315
Did you do something?
782
00:47:37,608 --> 00:47:38,817
Are you serious?
783
00:47:38,942 --> 00:47:41,862
No, I just mean that...
784
00:47:43,614 --> 00:47:44,990
...you look good.
785
00:47:47,701 --> 00:47:49,244
Thanks.
786
00:47:50,621 --> 00:47:51,830
Where'd you go?
787
00:47:52,664 --> 00:47:54,333
Nice wheels.
788
00:47:55,584 --> 00:47:59,796
- Yeah. You like it?
- Yeah.
789
00:48:01,173 --> 00:48:04,092
Does it seem at all familiar?
790
00:48:05,928 --> 00:48:08,263
Didn't somebody we know
have one of these?
791
00:48:08,388 --> 00:48:11,475
Yeah. Us.
792
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,394
Maybe this'll help.
793
00:48:18,649 --> 00:48:22,110
Yeah. I remember.
794
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,505
- So what's your deal anyway?
- My deal.
795
00:48:41,630 --> 00:48:44,591
I mean, sometimes you have
these moments of lucidity,
796
00:48:44,675 --> 00:48:46,844
but then other times
797
00:48:46,969 --> 00:48:50,055
it's just not so much normal.
798
00:48:50,180 --> 00:48:54,101
I don't understand, I mean,
I don't wanna be alone on Christmas.
799
00:48:54,226 --> 00:48:55,811
You've never been alone.
800
00:48:55,936 --> 00:48:59,481
On Christmas, it's not like
being alone. It's alone alone.
801
00:48:59,606 --> 00:49:02,109
This wouldn't be
one of those lucid moments.
802
00:49:02,192 --> 00:49:05,028
- I wasn't going for that.
- Okay, I see.
803
00:49:05,154 --> 00:49:07,906
All right, little Miss Grinch.
804
00:49:08,031 --> 00:49:10,576
I know you're a sophisticated,
modern woman
805
00:49:10,701 --> 00:49:14,955
that's very jaded and nothing
gets to you, and you have no emotions.
806
00:49:15,038 --> 00:49:17,040
But I'd be willing to bet
that even you,
807
00:49:17,124 --> 00:49:19,751
before you got old...
808
00:49:19,877 --> 00:49:21,712
...- er than you are now,
809
00:49:21,837 --> 00:49:26,175
but still as young, attractive,
smart and beautiful...
810
00:49:26,258 --> 00:49:28,177
[sniffling] That's better.
811
00:49:28,260 --> 00:49:29,469
I don't know, like,
812
00:49:29,553 --> 00:49:34,141
some moment in your childhood
before everything got complicated,
813
00:49:34,224 --> 00:49:35,475
when you were happy.
814
00:49:35,559 --> 00:49:37,561
You must have some moment in your life
815
00:49:37,686 --> 00:49:40,939
that you'd like to go back and relive.
816
00:49:42,858 --> 00:49:44,526
Yeah.
817
00:49:44,651 --> 00:49:47,571
Once,
818
00:49:47,696 --> 00:49:51,575
I was, like, nine years old
819
00:49:51,700 --> 00:49:55,162
and we had just had
this ice storm.
820
00:49:55,245 --> 00:49:59,124
I was walking home from school
through Bishop Park.
821
00:49:59,249 --> 00:50:02,211
You know that one big oak tree
in the middle?
822
00:50:02,336 --> 00:50:04,713
It was completely frozen.
823
00:50:04,838 --> 00:50:06,965
All the branches were icicles.
824
00:50:07,090 --> 00:50:09,801
It was just...
It was incredible.
825
00:50:09,927 --> 00:50:13,597
It completely stopped me
in my tracks.
826
00:50:13,722 --> 00:50:15,557
I remember standing underneath it
827
00:50:15,641 --> 00:50:20,896
pretending that I was a princess
in a magical crystal palace.
828
00:50:20,979 --> 00:50:22,481
It was really...
829
00:50:22,606 --> 00:50:25,359
It was beautiful.
830
00:50:27,194 --> 00:50:29,279
[Blowing]
831
00:50:29,404 --> 00:50:32,366
[Jose Feliciano: "Feliz Navidad]"
832
00:52:17,221 --> 00:52:19,848
Hey, would you come outside
with me for one second?
833
00:52:19,973 --> 00:52:23,435
- I wanna show you something.
- Okay.
834
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:26,021
- Where are you taking me?
- Hold on, one second.
835
00:52:26,146 --> 00:52:29,775
- You trust me?
- Uh, no. Not necessarily.
836
00:52:29,900 --> 00:52:32,444
Okay. Try to trust me,
I wanna blindfold you.
837
00:52:32,569 --> 00:52:34,112
- It's a surprise.
- Okay.
838
00:52:34,238 --> 00:52:36,573
- All right?
- All right.
839
00:52:36,698 --> 00:52:39,535
- Oh, God.
- All right. Follow me.
840
00:52:39,660 --> 00:52:44,414
I feel that this is gonna end with
"and she was never heard from again."
841
00:52:44,540 --> 00:52:46,500
- Step, step, step.
- Okay.
842
00:52:46,583 --> 00:52:48,043
- Right there. Stop.
- Okay.
843
00:52:48,126 --> 00:52:50,295
- Turn this way. Okay?
- All right.
844
00:52:50,420 --> 00:52:52,339
All right.
845
00:53:00,472 --> 00:53:03,684
[Breathless] Oh, my God.
846
00:53:06,019 --> 00:53:09,481
[Stammers] I can't believe you did this.
847
00:53:09,606 --> 00:53:11,400
Wait till you see this.
848
00:53:11,483 --> 00:53:12,818
Hit it, guys.
849
00:53:12,943 --> 00:53:17,072
[Elves] Hut, hut, hut...
850
00:53:21,618 --> 00:53:26,748
- [elves giggling]
- [Camel grunts]
851
00:53:30,586 --> 00:53:33,839
[Donkey brays]
852
00:53:33,964 --> 00:53:35,215
You see that?
853
00:53:35,299 --> 00:53:37,759
That's you right there.
I know this props guy.
854
00:53:37,885 --> 00:53:39,678
He owns a prop house with figurines,
855
00:53:39,803 --> 00:53:42,306
and he painted your hair like that,
your mouth.
856
00:53:42,431 --> 00:53:44,391
- Those guys aren't pros.
- I'm sure.
857
00:53:44,516 --> 00:53:46,935
- I showed them the thing.
- Oh, wow.
858
00:53:47,060 --> 00:53:50,397
I got this dance teacher.
It's not easy to get a camel.
859
00:53:50,481 --> 00:53:54,735
It's not easy taking a very
personal and private moment
860
00:53:54,818 --> 00:53:58,530
that I have never told anybody
and turning it into a theme park.
861
00:53:58,655 --> 00:54:00,449
We wish you a Merry Christmas
862
00:54:00,532 --> 00:54:01,867
Shut up!
863
00:54:01,992 --> 00:54:03,869
[Choir] Ah...
864
00:54:03,994 --> 00:54:06,955
But I'm not disappointed.
Okay? I'm not mad.
865
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:11,960
I'm just mad at myself for thinking that
there was more to you than I thought.
866
00:54:13,212 --> 00:54:15,839
- That's you.
- [Man] It's a wrap.
867
00:54:15,964 --> 00:54:17,841
[Elves] Hut, hut, hut.
868
00:54:17,966 --> 00:54:19,635
[Drew] Alicia? Wait a second!
869
00:54:19,718 --> 00:54:23,555
I care about you.
I did that because I care about you.
870
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,016
Look, Drew,
let me just give you some advice.
871
00:54:26,141 --> 00:54:28,477
Save your big, expensive gestures
872
00:54:28,602 --> 00:54:30,813
for some girl
who's impressed by them,
873
00:54:30,896 --> 00:54:33,023
And when you find her,
hold on to her.
874
00:54:33,148 --> 00:54:36,568
Otherwise, you are looking at
a lifetime of lonely Christmases.
875
00:54:45,536 --> 00:54:49,039
I'm telling you, he is wonderful.
876
00:54:49,164 --> 00:54:51,625
It's Cartier.
At least he's got manners.
877
00:54:51,708 --> 00:54:53,836
Well, I mean,
he's in the neighborhood.
878
00:54:53,961 --> 00:54:55,420
- He is?
- Darling.
879
00:54:55,546 --> 00:54:57,381
- What?
- It's a day bracelet.
880
00:54:57,506 --> 00:55:00,259
- Do you like it, darling?
- I love it.
881
00:55:00,384 --> 00:55:01,969
You're the expert on jewelry.
882
00:55:02,052 --> 00:55:04,137
- Are you disagreeing?
- Absolutely not.
883
00:55:04,263 --> 00:55:06,682
She just got a present.
Why pick at her now?
884
00:55:06,765 --> 00:55:07,724
I'm not.
885
00:55:11,728 --> 00:55:13,021
[Knocking]
886
00:55:13,105 --> 00:55:16,150
Brian, tell Drew
that I had to take off.
887
00:55:16,233 --> 00:55:17,985
There was a...
888
00:55:21,905 --> 00:55:24,616
Holy cow.
What are you looking at?
889
00:55:24,741 --> 00:55:28,453
This is just, it's research.
890
00:55:28,579 --> 00:55:30,706
When I was young,
we didn't sit in our rooms
891
00:55:30,831 --> 00:55:33,167
drooling over nude ladies
on computers.
892
00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:34,710
No, sir.
893
00:55:34,835 --> 00:55:37,129
We had to go behind the barn
with the dirty girl
894
00:55:37,212 --> 00:55:40,966
and pay her a quarter so she
could show us her goodies.
895
00:55:42,217 --> 00:55:43,552
How does this work?
896
00:55:43,677 --> 00:55:47,389
Oh, well. Here, let me...
897
00:55:47,514 --> 00:55:50,225
[Brian] What are you into?
Hot Cheerleaders,
898
00:55:50,309 --> 00:55:52,060
- Three-Way Fun.
- Uh-uh.
899
00:55:52,186 --> 00:55:54,938
- Middle-Aged Hotties.
- You're talkin' my language.
900
00:55:55,063 --> 00:55:59,902
Old enough to know how it's done,
young enough to still want to do it.
901
00:56:00,027 --> 00:56:02,488
- That's gross.
- Ooh.
902
00:56:02,613 --> 00:56:04,281
[Doo-Dah] Come to papa.
903
00:56:04,406 --> 00:56:06,617
[Brian] That's not bad, right?
904
00:56:09,661 --> 00:56:12,289
Dude, it's your mom!
905
00:56:12,414 --> 00:56:13,540
Oh, my God.
906
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:17,377
Hey, can you print that for me?
907
00:56:18,962 --> 00:56:20,756
Mom, Dad, listen.
908
00:56:20,881 --> 00:56:22,466
Please, Drew has to go tonight.
909
00:56:22,591 --> 00:56:25,385
I cannot spend one more second
in this house with him.
910
00:56:25,469 --> 00:56:27,554
- Well, yeah?
- Yeah? So what?
911
00:56:27,679 --> 00:56:30,098
So he's making fools of us!
912
00:56:30,182 --> 00:56:31,934
- Of all of us!
- [Drew] Alicia?
913
00:56:32,017 --> 00:56:34,812
[Sighs] All right, look,
I'm gonna take the car,
914
00:56:34,937 --> 00:56:37,272
and when I get home,
I really hope he's gone.
915
00:56:37,356 --> 00:56:40,692
- Alicia.
- Be careful with the car.
916
00:56:40,818 --> 00:56:42,528
Can't we talk about this?
917
00:56:42,653 --> 00:56:44,613
No.
918
00:56:47,908 --> 00:56:50,118
- What the hell happened?
- [Drew] Nothing.
919
00:56:50,244 --> 00:56:53,080
I think she's right. It's stupid.
920
00:56:53,163 --> 00:56:54,540
This is a mistake.
921
00:56:54,665 --> 00:56:57,626
I've imposed on you folks
and I'm sorry.
922
00:56:57,709 --> 00:56:59,253
I'll write you a check.
923
00:56:59,336 --> 00:57:02,005
I'll spend Christmas...
924
00:57:02,130 --> 00:57:04,466
I'll spend Christmas somewhere.
925
00:57:04,591 --> 00:57:08,387
No. We don't want your money.
926
00:57:08,512 --> 00:57:12,391
In cash.
Check'll be just fine.
927
00:57:12,516 --> 00:57:14,852
- I'll get you a pen.
- [Phone rings]
928
00:57:14,977 --> 00:57:17,146
- What's wrong with you?
- Hello?
929
00:57:17,271 --> 00:57:19,648
- "Merry Christmas to you too."
- Missy!
930
00:57:19,773 --> 00:57:22,734
The bracelet is amazing, Drew.
Thank you.
931
00:57:22,860 --> 00:57:26,029
I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now.
932
00:57:26,155 --> 00:57:31,201
- How'd you know my favorite is Cartier?
- Lucky guess. How did you find me?
933
00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:35,289
I talked to your secretary and she said
you were with your family.
934
00:57:35,372 --> 00:57:36,665
Oh, Drew!
935
00:57:36,748 --> 00:57:40,252
I am so happy for you.
And for us.
936
00:57:40,335 --> 00:57:42,379
- For us?
- "I know what this means,"
937
00:57:42,504 --> 00:57:44,464
reaching out to your family.
938
00:57:44,548 --> 00:57:46,758
You want to be
more serious about yourself,
939
00:57:46,884 --> 00:57:49,011
and more serious about me.
940
00:57:49,553 --> 00:57:51,805
I wanna meet your family, Drew.
941
00:57:51,889 --> 00:57:54,641
I'm sure you will,
and they wanna meet you one day.
942
00:57:54,725 --> 00:57:56,310
Oh, great.
943
00:57:56,393 --> 00:57:58,645
Then we can go to Fiji.
944
00:57:58,729 --> 00:58:01,398
How about tomorrow?
945
00:58:01,523 --> 00:58:04,359
Fiji? Tomorrow?
You're kidding.
946
00:58:04,485 --> 00:58:07,571
That's fabulous, actually.
That's perfect.
947
00:58:07,696 --> 00:58:12,576
Then tonight we can spend Christmas Eve
together with our families.
948
00:58:12,701 --> 00:58:14,661
Ah...
949
00:58:14,786 --> 00:58:17,998
That's gonna be hard
to pull off, you know?
950
00:58:18,081 --> 00:58:22,753
It's very short notice, and we...
951
00:58:22,878 --> 00:58:28,217
One of the family members
is challenged, and...
952
00:58:28,342 --> 00:58:31,929
[clears throat]... requires
a lot of time to put on
953
00:58:32,054 --> 00:58:34,264
- the proper headgear...
- Oh. No problem.
954
00:58:34,389 --> 00:58:36,558
- [Seatbelts unlatching]
- We're here.
955
00:58:36,683 --> 00:58:39,061
- You're here?
- Look outside!
956
00:58:46,944 --> 00:58:49,196
Oh, my God!
You're here?!
957
00:58:50,572 --> 00:58:54,409
I mean, oh, my gosh!
You're totally here!
958
00:58:56,370 --> 00:58:58,163
My girlfriend's family is here!
959
00:58:58,288 --> 00:59:00,749
You have to help me!
Pretend for a couple hours!
960
00:59:00,874 --> 00:59:03,001
We'll leave by midnight.
I'm begging you!
961
00:59:03,126 --> 00:59:05,420
Read paragraph three.
You bailed, it's done.
962
00:59:05,546 --> 00:59:08,966
- You write the check and get out!
- What? No! Wait a minute!
963
00:59:09,091 --> 00:59:11,343
Okay, look, I wanna go!
I'm dying to go!
964
00:59:11,426 --> 00:59:13,929
I gotta have a life to go back to!
This girl is it!
965
00:59:14,012 --> 00:59:16,139
I can't tell her I rented a family.
966
00:59:16,265 --> 00:59:18,433
I'm sure she already knows
you're crazy.
967
00:59:18,559 --> 00:59:21,603
- It kinda shows.
- A deal's a deal. That's it.
968
00:59:21,728 --> 00:59:24,898
- Unless you sweeten the pot.
- That's extortion, Tom!
969
00:59:24,982 --> 00:59:27,442
- I think I hear the doorbell.
- No! No, no! Wait!
970
00:59:27,568 --> 00:59:30,863
No, no! I'll give you
another 75 grand. Okay?
971
00:59:30,988 --> 00:59:32,990
But you gotta do it good,
you gotta try.
972
00:59:33,115 --> 00:59:35,200
Or else I'll be so mad
at you guys!
973
00:59:35,325 --> 00:59:36,702
- [Doorbell]
- Come on.
974
00:59:36,827 --> 00:59:39,246
- I'm not wearin' the hat.
- [Drew] Fine! Sure!
975
00:59:40,455 --> 00:59:42,791
- Missy!
- Hey, Drew.
976
00:59:42,875 --> 00:59:44,710
Mrs. Vangilder. Captain.
977
00:59:44,835 --> 00:59:45,836
Come on in.
978
00:59:45,961 --> 00:59:48,255
Merry Christmas.
Honey. Merry Christmas.
979
00:59:48,338 --> 00:59:50,382
Welcome to my childhood home.
980
00:59:50,465 --> 00:59:51,800
[Chuckling] Come on in.
981
00:59:51,925 --> 00:59:53,010
- Hi.
- Hello.
982
00:59:53,135 --> 00:59:55,345
I'm Drew's father,
and this is his mother.
983
00:59:55,470 --> 00:59:56,471
- Christine.
- Mom.
984
00:59:56,597 --> 00:59:57,639
Letitia. Horace.
985
00:59:57,764 --> 01:00:00,392
And he's our son.
There's no doubt about that.
986
01:00:00,476 --> 01:00:02,561
[Drew chuckling] That's for sure.
987
01:00:02,644 --> 01:00:05,105
[Awkward silence]
988
01:00:13,363 --> 01:00:14,823
Oh!
989
01:00:14,907 --> 01:00:18,827
I would love to see pictures of Drew
when he was small.
990
01:00:18,952 --> 01:00:21,914
Oh, we're not gonna bore everyone,
that's embarrassing.
991
01:00:22,039 --> 01:00:23,874
Good idea.
Bath time for baby.
992
01:00:23,999 --> 01:00:25,334
- Oh.
- [Chuckling]
993
01:00:25,417 --> 01:00:28,295
- Thanks, Mom.
- Look at him.
994
01:00:28,378 --> 01:00:29,963
Drew, are you sure that's you?
995
01:00:30,088 --> 01:00:32,424
Oh, that's me all right.
I remember it well.
996
01:00:32,508 --> 01:00:34,843
That was in autumn
and the photographer...
997
01:00:34,927 --> 01:00:38,847
No, I don't think so.
There's no little dingle.
998
01:00:38,972 --> 01:00:41,683
- Nope.
- No.
999
01:00:41,809 --> 01:00:43,936
[Drew] Yes. It's there, but it's not...
1000
01:00:44,061 --> 01:00:48,690
You can't see it, because it was
so long that Mom had to tuck it back
1001
01:00:48,816 --> 01:00:50,901
when she gave me a bath.
It got tangled.
1002
01:00:51,026 --> 01:00:52,820
- You remember, Mom.
- Yeah, yeah.
1003
01:00:52,903 --> 01:00:55,155
From the moment he was born, it was...
1004
01:00:55,239 --> 01:00:58,534
...freakishly long.
- [Chuckling] Right. Yes.
1005
01:00:58,617 --> 01:00:59,952
- [Knocking]
- I'll get it.
1006
01:01:00,077 --> 01:01:01,370
No, no, no!
1007
01:01:01,453 --> 01:01:03,539
I'll get it, son.
You stay right there.
1008
01:01:03,664 --> 01:01:05,624
[Chuckling] Thanks, Dad.
1009
01:01:05,707 --> 01:01:07,709
- So, here we are.
- Yeah.
1010
01:01:07,835 --> 01:01:11,421
So are we keeping you folks
from dinner plans, or...
1011
01:01:11,547 --> 01:01:13,257
No, we don't have any plans.
1012
01:01:13,382 --> 01:01:15,050
We couldn't possibly impose.
1013
01:01:15,175 --> 01:01:17,052
[Horace] We just got here.
1014
01:01:17,177 --> 01:01:19,680
Oh, okay.
Who was that, Dad?
1015
01:01:21,390 --> 01:01:22,808
Doo-Dah.
1016
01:01:22,891 --> 01:01:25,310
Doo-Dah.
Doo-Dah's my grandpa.
1017
01:01:25,435 --> 01:01:27,771
- He'll tell us stories...
- I wanna meet him.
1018
01:01:27,896 --> 01:01:29,898
...about the 1800s.
I know you do.
1019
01:01:30,023 --> 01:01:32,276
We don't usually
leave him outside.
1020
01:01:32,401 --> 01:01:34,361
We usually let him in, Dad.
1021
01:01:34,444 --> 01:01:36,405
- Let's talk, son.
- [Drew] Okay.
1022
01:01:36,530 --> 01:01:38,323
- Don't go anywhere.
- Okay.
1023
01:01:38,448 --> 01:01:40,659
This guy says he's Doo-Dah's understudy.
1024
01:01:40,742 --> 01:01:43,704
- He's not white.
- That's fine, just let him in.
1025
01:01:43,787 --> 01:01:45,330
They don't know he's not right.
1026
01:01:45,455 --> 01:01:47,583
- They don't know him!
- Want me to let him in?
1027
01:01:47,708 --> 01:01:48,792
- Fine!
- Please, Tom.
1028
01:01:48,917 --> 01:01:51,420
This is my grandfather, Doo-Dah.
Here he is.
1029
01:01:51,545 --> 01:01:54,131
Sweet Jim Jiminy,
cold corn in the mornin'!
1030
01:01:54,256 --> 01:01:55,841
Ooh. Who are you?
1031
01:01:55,924 --> 01:01:58,510
I'm Saul's understudy.
I just came to help out.
1032
01:01:58,594 --> 01:02:00,220
[Understudy] "Feliz navidad."
1033
01:02:00,304 --> 01:02:03,098
- Is he black?
- Yep.
1034
01:02:05,476 --> 01:02:07,769
I can't do it.
I cannot do it.
1035
01:02:07,895 --> 01:02:11,356
My family's this close to 350.
You're not gonna weasel out now!
1036
01:02:11,482 --> 01:02:13,775
Put some maple syrup
on the ham.
1037
01:02:23,285 --> 01:02:24,369
- Drew?
- Huh?
1038
01:02:24,495 --> 01:02:26,079
Ah! Ah!
1039
01:02:27,247 --> 01:02:29,666
I'm sorry!
Oh, Jesus!
1040
01:02:29,791 --> 01:02:32,127
I'm sorry.
I know I'm not supposed to be here.
1041
01:02:32,211 --> 01:02:35,214
I'm gonna leave right away.
I don't want to cause problems.
1042
01:02:35,339 --> 01:02:37,966
- Drew, listen.
- I'm in a bit of a jam now.
1043
01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:41,386
- Drew, Drew, wait.
- What? Yes?
1044
01:02:41,512 --> 01:02:45,224
I came back here because
I wanted to apologize to you.
1045
01:02:45,349 --> 01:02:48,727
Yes, the thing in the park
was a bit garish and obnoxious,
1046
01:02:48,811 --> 01:02:50,479
but that's you.
1047
01:02:50,562 --> 01:02:52,523
Not that you're garish and obnoxious,
1048
01:02:52,648 --> 01:02:54,858
it's just that you
do things in a big way.
1049
01:02:54,983 --> 01:02:56,527
Yes, I do, I do.
1050
01:02:56,652 --> 01:02:59,196
And I'm touched.
1051
01:02:59,321 --> 01:03:02,908
- Thank you. That means...
- And thank you.
1052
01:03:13,836 --> 01:03:16,171
You smell like fear.
1053
01:03:17,798 --> 01:03:21,218
- There have been some developments...
- I have a gift for you.
1054
01:03:21,343 --> 01:03:23,303
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
1055
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:28,225
No! Hi!
1056
01:03:28,350 --> 01:03:29,935
[Laughing] Hi, honey.
1057
01:03:30,018 --> 01:03:32,396
Your mom sent me in here
to get a cheeseball.
1058
01:03:32,521 --> 01:03:36,984
- What's that?
- This is a cheeseball.
1059
01:03:37,067 --> 01:03:40,946
Let's play a game where you don't
come back till they eat the whole thing.
1060
01:03:41,029 --> 01:03:44,783
[Chuckling] This is great.
Your family isn't what I expected.
1061
01:03:44,867 --> 01:03:46,869
I'm glad you wanted to introduce me.
1062
01:03:46,952 --> 01:03:48,871
- It's all I ever wanted.
- Me too.
1063
01:03:48,954 --> 01:03:51,165
- Thank you so much.
- Okay. All right.
1064
01:03:51,248 --> 01:03:52,958
Yes. I know.
I love you. Okay.
1065
01:03:53,041 --> 01:03:56,920
- Fiji's gonna be great.
- It will be great. Fiji time!
1066
01:04:02,509 --> 01:04:06,096
That's what this was about?
You put us through this for a girl?
1067
01:04:06,221 --> 01:04:08,515
No, no, no.
1068
01:04:08,599 --> 01:04:10,184
Just...
1069
01:04:12,102 --> 01:04:15,063
- Can I open my present now?
- Sure.
1070
01:04:17,858 --> 01:04:20,944
I thought this was because
you had a painful childhood.
1071
01:04:21,069 --> 01:04:23,447
I'm sorry. You said you
never wanted to see me,
1072
01:04:23,572 --> 01:04:25,616
so I accepted that.
1073
01:04:25,741 --> 01:04:29,661
I was broken up with her, but she
showed up and wanted to meet my family.
1074
01:04:29,745 --> 01:04:32,539
I couldn't tell them
it was a rented family.
1075
01:04:32,623 --> 01:04:36,543
I know you hate me. I hate me.
I hate my own guts.
1076
01:04:36,627 --> 01:04:39,463
I know this is horrible,
but would you just please,
1077
01:04:39,588 --> 01:04:41,840
could you help me,
so I can get through this?
1078
01:04:41,924 --> 01:04:44,843
You'll never see me again.
Just take a ride for an hour.
1079
01:04:44,927 --> 01:04:47,137
Your parents will call you
when it's clear.
1080
01:04:47,262 --> 01:04:51,433
[Christine] Drew,
your dad wants more salami!
1081
01:04:51,517 --> 01:04:52,768
They're playing along?
1082
01:04:52,893 --> 01:04:57,231
Your parents, they're crazy.
They think it's fun.
1083
01:04:57,314 --> 01:04:59,107
I'm sorry.
Okay? I gotta go.
1084
01:04:59,191 --> 01:05:01,109
I'll see you.
I miss you. Thank you.
1085
01:05:01,193 --> 01:05:03,487
You're welcome. See ya.
1086
01:05:07,074 --> 01:05:09,701
They think it's fun, huh?
1087
01:05:11,662 --> 01:05:14,706
Maybe they're right.
1088
01:05:14,790 --> 01:05:17,543
Your tree, Christine, it's so colorful.
1089
01:05:17,668 --> 01:05:20,212
You know, it reminds me of Mexico.
1090
01:05:20,295 --> 01:05:24,758
Not the better hotels, but the colors
of the simple people.
1091
01:05:24,842 --> 01:05:27,135
It's so bright and vulgar.
1092
01:05:27,261 --> 01:05:30,430
- [Chuckles]
- Mom! Dad! I'm home!
1093
01:05:30,514 --> 01:05:34,935
[Christine] Alicia, you're back.
You're back, Alicia.
1094
01:05:35,018 --> 01:05:36,854
Oh, you're back.
1095
01:05:36,979 --> 01:05:40,274
This is our daughter, Alicia.
This is Mrs. Vangilder.
1096
01:05:40,357 --> 01:05:42,442
Please. Letitia.
1097
01:05:42,526 --> 01:05:45,112
I'm so pleased to meet you. Really.
1098
01:05:45,195 --> 01:05:47,114
And this is our little Missy.
1099
01:05:47,197 --> 01:05:50,284
Oh, Missy, Missy.
1100
01:05:52,327 --> 01:05:55,706
Oh, gosh. I've just heard
so much about you from Drew.
1101
01:05:55,831 --> 01:05:58,208
God, you're gorgeous.
1102
01:05:58,333 --> 01:06:02,004
And you are so not fat.
Drew! What's the matter with you?
1103
01:06:02,087 --> 01:06:03,672
I'm sorry?
1104
01:06:03,797 --> 01:06:05,632
- Drew, I'm not fat.
- No.
1105
01:06:05,716 --> 01:06:08,677
- I was just thinking that.
- You must be Mr. Vangilder.
1106
01:06:08,802 --> 01:06:10,888
- I would never say that.
- Don't mind us.
1107
01:06:11,013 --> 01:06:12,347
We're a bunch of kidders.
1108
01:06:12,473 --> 01:06:14,308
I like the family.
1109
01:06:14,391 --> 01:06:16,977
Oh, well, you obviously
haven't met Brian.
1110
01:06:17,060 --> 01:06:20,022
By the way, where is Brian?
1111
01:06:24,193 --> 01:06:26,445
[Whimpering]
1112
01:06:30,032 --> 01:06:32,201
Here.
1113
01:06:32,326 --> 01:06:35,454
Your mom's startin' to like
your grandfather hittin' on her.
1114
01:06:35,537 --> 01:06:38,248
There's one you don't often hear
on Christmas Eve.
1115
01:06:38,373 --> 01:06:39,458
[Missy laughing]
1116
01:06:39,541 --> 01:06:42,419
It's unbelievable.
Poor thing. Poor thing.
1117
01:06:42,544 --> 01:06:44,671
- Excuse me.
- It's true.
1118
01:06:44,755 --> 01:06:47,257
What's happening over here?
What's going on?
1119
01:06:47,382 --> 01:06:50,928
- I'm learning so much from your sister.
- Oh, you are. Great.
1120
01:06:51,053 --> 01:06:53,347
I didn't know you were
a baton twirler.
1121
01:06:53,430 --> 01:06:56,517
Yeah. Gave away the big secret,
I guess, didn't you?
1122
01:06:56,600 --> 01:06:59,019
Oh, not the big one,
so don't push me.
1123
01:06:59,102 --> 01:07:01,522
Let's go talk to Doo-Dah.
He's telling stor...
1124
01:07:01,605 --> 01:07:03,649
I want you to see
the bracelet Drew got me.
1125
01:07:03,774 --> 01:07:06,652
Ooh, Cartier, huh?
1126
01:07:06,777 --> 01:07:08,946
Wow. Look at that.
That's just beautiful.
1127
01:07:09,071 --> 01:07:11,198
Well, that's my brother.
1128
01:07:11,281 --> 01:07:14,701
Just never afraid to put
a price tag on his feelings.
1129
01:07:14,785 --> 01:07:17,996
Yeah. That's my sister.
Never understanding there's love,
1130
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:20,457
you can care and
want to show it in a big way,
1131
01:07:20,582 --> 01:07:23,877
and you shouldn't be put down
and mocked, and made hurt feelings.
1132
01:07:23,961 --> 01:07:27,923
When you love somebody,
you don't have to show it in a big way.
1133
01:07:28,048 --> 01:07:31,718
So you were slumming when you
were making out with me in the kitchen?
1134
01:07:37,808 --> 01:07:40,561
It's a very, very affectionate family.
1135
01:07:40,644 --> 01:07:42,813
- We show our love.
- Italians.
1136
01:07:42,938 --> 01:07:44,773
We're just very warm.
1137
01:07:44,857 --> 01:07:47,401
Red hot, even.
1138
01:07:47,484 --> 01:07:50,821
All right, that's it.
Give me this. Get up.
1139
01:07:50,946 --> 01:07:52,656
- Sit down!
- [Christine] Okay!
1140
01:07:52,781 --> 01:07:54,449
Who wants a tour of the house?
1141
01:07:54,575 --> 01:07:57,744
- What you're using are stairs.
- [Squeaking]
1142
01:07:57,828 --> 01:08:00,080
We like these for going up.
1143
01:08:00,164 --> 01:08:02,332
This is the bathroom.
1144
01:08:04,668 --> 01:08:06,461
- What are you doing to me?
- What?
1145
01:08:06,545 --> 01:08:10,048
- You're killing me.
- No, I'm just playing along, brother.
1146
01:08:10,132 --> 01:08:12,676
I think Missy likes me.
She thinks I'm funny.
1147
01:08:12,801 --> 01:08:15,470
This was little Drew's room.
Now, it's Brian's.
1148
01:08:15,596 --> 01:08:16,638
Aw.
1149
01:08:16,763 --> 01:08:19,391
Brian, don't be rude.
We have guests.
1150
01:08:19,475 --> 01:08:22,853
He'd live in front of the screen
if we'd let him right, Tom?
1151
01:08:22,978 --> 01:08:25,606
It's that insatiable appetite
for knowledge.
1152
01:08:25,689 --> 01:08:27,232
Oh, shit!
1153
01:08:27,316 --> 01:08:29,401
Brian, what have you done?!
1154
01:08:29,485 --> 01:08:32,279
- Tom, I don't know what that is.
- I do.
1155
01:08:32,362 --> 01:08:36,158
It's my wife shooting a "V"
for victory with her legs.
1156
01:08:36,241 --> 01:08:38,660
It's been a while,
but that's what it looks like.
1157
01:08:38,785 --> 01:08:41,663
- [Letitia] Honestly.
- That's my little girl.
1158
01:08:41,788 --> 01:08:44,500
- Horace, get our coats.
- What's going on?
1159
01:08:44,625 --> 01:08:46,668
You have no idea.
Missy, get your coat!
1160
01:08:46,793 --> 01:08:48,837
- There's ham!
- [Missy] We're not going.
1161
01:08:48,962 --> 01:08:50,964
- We'll stay.
- [Christine] Lighten up.
1162
01:08:51,089 --> 01:08:54,051
It's just a picture.
I had pictures taken for fun.
1163
01:08:54,176 --> 01:08:56,303
Where would you get
that stupid idea?!
1164
01:08:59,223 --> 01:09:03,393
Coats! Someone say coats?
Get the coats. Gotta get coats.
1165
01:09:04,853 --> 01:09:06,980
[Missy screams]
1166
01:09:07,105 --> 01:09:08,649
[Chuckles] Oh.
1167
01:09:13,612 --> 01:09:16,740
Some things cannot be unseen.
1168
01:09:16,865 --> 01:09:19,493
Brian? Brian?
1169
01:09:19,576 --> 01:09:22,704
[Tom] Great.
Just great, Christine.
1170
01:09:27,793 --> 01:09:30,254
I'll be at the Travel Lodge.
1171
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:33,715
[Door slams]
1172
01:09:38,053 --> 01:09:41,849
- Merry Christmas.
- Mom? Mom?
1173
01:09:42,933 --> 01:09:44,893
- Oh, dear God.
- Wait a minute!
1174
01:09:44,977 --> 01:09:46,812
There's more of Mom's buffet.
1175
01:09:46,895 --> 01:09:50,274
If you think we're staying
after that display, think again.
1176
01:09:50,399 --> 01:09:53,068
[Letitia] Trollops who
pose for dirty pictures,
1177
01:09:53,193 --> 01:09:55,946
various incestuous overtones
1178
01:09:56,071 --> 01:09:58,699
and old, unexplained men.
1179
01:09:58,782 --> 01:10:01,577
This is without a doubt
the worst Christmas I've...
1180
01:10:01,702 --> 01:10:04,204
Oh, shut up, Letitia!
1181
01:10:05,330 --> 01:10:06,498
What?
1182
01:10:06,582 --> 01:10:10,460
I'll tell you what. I've put up with
your high and mighty act for 25 years,
1183
01:10:10,586 --> 01:10:11,920
but they don't have to.
1184
01:10:12,004 --> 01:10:15,007
I don't remember you being superior
when you got knocked up
1185
01:10:15,090 --> 01:10:18,635
by Skippy Altsheller
and then tricked me into marrying you.
1186
01:10:19,928 --> 01:10:23,640
- Oh, my God!
- I'm sorry, Missy.
1187
01:10:23,765 --> 01:10:28,020
Missy, darling, it's not true.
You were premature.
1188
01:10:28,103 --> 01:10:30,522
Oh, come on, Letitia!
1189
01:10:30,606 --> 01:10:34,985
Tell your mother thanks, Drew.
And Merry Christmas.
1190
01:10:36,445 --> 01:10:38,822
Missy, we'll wait for you in the car.
1191
01:10:38,947 --> 01:10:42,284
[Grunts] You know, really.
1192
01:10:43,785 --> 01:10:45,871
Yuletide's a bitch, ain't it?
1193
01:10:45,954 --> 01:10:48,207
Oh, shut up!
Just shut up!
1194
01:10:48,290 --> 01:10:52,085
Okay! Fiji.
Let's go to Fiji right now.
1195
01:10:52,169 --> 01:10:54,796
You're right, Drew.
Just screw family.
1196
01:10:54,922 --> 01:10:57,799
All we need is each other.
Just take me away.
1197
01:10:59,551 --> 01:11:02,012
I'm sorry, Missy. I can't.
1198
01:11:02,137 --> 01:11:06,099
Just go home, okay?
I'm sorry about all this.
1199
01:11:07,601 --> 01:11:09,645
I'll spend Christmas alone.
1200
01:11:14,566 --> 01:11:17,319
Oh, fine.
1201
01:11:17,402 --> 01:11:18,946
[Sobbing] Okay.
1202
01:11:20,155 --> 01:11:22,783
Well, then...
1203
01:11:22,866 --> 01:11:25,953
...the only thing
I have left to say to you
1204
01:11:26,078 --> 01:11:28,121
is I am keeping this bracelet.
1205
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:34,962
I feel bad drinking liquor
you're gonna need.
1206
01:11:35,045 --> 01:11:36,421
I better go.
1207
01:11:36,505 --> 01:11:39,591
- Merry Christmas.
- All right.
1208
01:11:41,218 --> 01:11:43,011
[Letitia] Missy, get in the car!
1209
01:11:43,136 --> 01:11:44,888
My God!
1210
01:11:45,013 --> 01:11:49,184
Have you lost your mind?
Did you just lose it in there?
1211
01:11:58,777 --> 01:12:00,821
You know, I have to ask,
1212
01:12:00,946 --> 01:12:02,990
just how bad is your real family
1213
01:12:03,073 --> 01:12:06,285
that you would rather
spend your Christmas like this?
1214
01:12:16,670 --> 01:12:20,632
There was no real family.
1215
01:12:22,134 --> 01:12:24,803
What do you mean,
"there is no family"?
1216
01:12:24,887 --> 01:12:26,430
You must've had a family.
1217
01:12:26,555 --> 01:12:29,933
I mean, you must've had
a Doo-Dah, right?
1218
01:12:30,058 --> 01:12:32,853
I had a friend whose grandfather,
1219
01:12:32,936 --> 01:12:35,981
was called Doo-Dah.
I always liked that.
1220
01:12:37,399 --> 01:12:41,987
My dad walked out on us on Christmas
1221
01:12:42,070 --> 01:12:43,697
when I was four.
1222
01:12:43,780 --> 01:12:46,200
It was basically
just me and my mom.
1223
01:12:46,283 --> 01:12:52,331
She was a waitress
at the 24-hour coffee shop.
1224
01:12:52,414 --> 01:12:56,919
She didn't have a lot of money,
so when Christmas came around,
1225
01:12:57,044 --> 01:13:01,548
it was an opportunity for her
to take a double shift. She did.
1226
01:13:01,673 --> 01:13:06,094
And, you know,
my Christmases were,
1227
01:13:06,220 --> 01:13:10,682
basically, I just kind of
sat around the house, you know?
1228
01:13:10,766 --> 01:13:12,976
Then at night,
I'd walk down there,
1229
01:13:13,101 --> 01:13:17,481
and Mom would always buy me
a grown-up stack of pancakes,
1230
01:13:17,606 --> 01:13:21,068
and I would sit by myself
at the end of the counter
1231
01:13:21,193 --> 01:13:22,736
and eat 'em.
1232
01:13:22,861 --> 01:13:28,075
I did that for Christmas every year
until I turned 18.
1233
01:13:28,158 --> 01:13:31,119
I haven't been able to walk
in a coffee shop since, though.
1234
01:13:31,245 --> 01:13:32,996
Where's your mom now?
1235
01:13:33,121 --> 01:13:36,250
Mom died when I was in college.
1236
01:13:37,751 --> 01:13:39,545
I'm sorry.
1237
01:13:41,463 --> 01:13:42,714
[Alicia] You know what?
1238
01:13:42,798 --> 01:13:46,718
There's nothing that you can do
about those Christmases.
1239
01:13:46,802 --> 01:13:49,346
But the one that you
can do something about,
1240
01:13:49,471 --> 01:13:54,601
the one that's here and now, you just
spent that destroying my family.
1241
01:13:54,685 --> 01:13:57,563
Alicia, just for the record,
1242
01:13:57,646 --> 01:13:59,857
I didn't destroy your family.
1243
01:13:59,982 --> 01:14:02,025
What are you talking about?
1244
01:14:02,151 --> 01:14:04,611
Your parents are splitting up.
1245
01:14:04,736 --> 01:14:07,114
It's obvious.
Brian knows it.
1246
01:14:07,197 --> 01:14:11,160
That's why he spends all his time
in his room on his computer.
1247
01:14:11,285 --> 01:14:14,496
You just didn't wanna see it.
I can understand that.
1248
01:14:15,831 --> 01:14:17,833
I'm gonna go get my dad.
1249
01:14:17,958 --> 01:14:19,459
Lock up when you leave.
1250
01:14:42,191 --> 01:14:44,818
Well, all right.
1251
01:15:21,730 --> 01:15:23,398
I forgive you.
1252
01:16:44,521 --> 01:16:47,232
No! No, Spirit! No!
1253
01:16:47,316 --> 01:16:51,403
I will honor Christmas in my heart
and try to keep it all the year.
1254
01:16:51,487 --> 01:16:53,780
[Knocking]
1255
01:16:53,864 --> 01:16:56,116
No one's home!
1256
01:16:56,200 --> 01:16:57,534
[Knocking]
1257
01:16:57,659 --> 01:16:59,119
[Groans]
1258
01:17:01,163 --> 01:17:02,498
What?
1259
01:17:02,623 --> 01:17:03,999
[Knocking]
1260
01:17:04,082 --> 01:17:05,959
I hear you.
1261
01:17:08,295 --> 01:17:11,298
- Are you gonna hit me?
- No.
1262
01:17:11,423 --> 01:17:13,967
Are you gonna do something else
that still hurts?
1263
01:17:15,385 --> 01:17:18,222
No. You gonna invite me in?
1264
01:17:18,347 --> 01:17:20,599
You just stopped by
to hang out and catch up?
1265
01:17:20,682 --> 01:17:23,936
- Reminisce?
- You owe me money.
1266
01:17:25,354 --> 01:17:27,940
Right. The money.
1267
01:17:28,023 --> 01:17:30,943
Okay, come on in.
I'll get my checkbook.
1268
01:17:43,997 --> 01:17:48,085
You rented my place
when you could've been staying here?
1269
01:17:52,005 --> 01:17:54,883
Well, I gotta admit, this is nice.
1270
01:17:54,967 --> 01:17:56,301
Thanks.
1271
01:17:57,594 --> 01:18:00,514
You still splitting up with Christine?
1272
01:18:00,597 --> 01:18:03,809
[Tom] Yeah. I guess.
1273
01:18:05,102 --> 01:18:07,396
That would be a shame.
1274
01:18:07,521 --> 01:18:09,064
[Laughs]
1275
01:18:10,065 --> 01:18:11,984
What are you laughing at?
1276
01:18:12,067 --> 01:18:15,904
Nothing. It's just ironic.
1277
01:18:16,029 --> 01:18:18,448
I paid all that money
to be part of your family.
1278
01:18:18,574 --> 01:18:21,285
You're giving it away for nothing.
1279
01:18:23,287 --> 01:18:24,496
[Drew] Look at this.
1280
01:18:24,580 --> 01:18:27,374
That's the ticket to Doo-Dah's play.
1281
01:18:27,457 --> 01:18:29,334
Yeah. I got mine too.
1282
01:18:40,095 --> 01:18:43,849
[Tom] I'm not very good at apologizing.
I don't know if they're in there.
1283
01:18:43,932 --> 01:18:45,934
[Drew] Come on.
What do you have to lose?
1284
01:18:49,605 --> 01:18:51,690
[Doo-Dah] What do you want with me?
1285
01:18:51,773 --> 01:18:53,567
[Marley] Much.
1286
01:18:53,650 --> 01:18:55,235
[Doo-Dah] Who are you?
1287
01:18:55,319 --> 01:18:57,905
In life, I was your partner...
1288
01:18:57,988 --> 01:18:59,114
See anybody?
1289
01:18:59,239 --> 01:19:01,116
That's Doo-Dah right there.
1290
01:19:01,241 --> 01:19:03,076
What is the reason
for this visit?
1291
01:19:03,160 --> 01:19:05,746
It is getting late
and I've been hard at work.
1292
01:19:05,829 --> 01:19:07,164
He's not that bad.
1293
01:19:07,289 --> 01:19:09,082
[Marley] To warn you, Ebenezer.
1294
01:19:09,166 --> 01:19:11,251
He's not that good either.
1295
01:19:11,376 --> 01:19:13,295
I'm gonna find Christine.
1296
01:19:13,378 --> 01:19:16,298
[Marley] Learn from me.
1297
01:19:18,467 --> 01:19:21,970
My spirit never walked
beyond our counting house.
1298
01:19:22,095 --> 01:19:28,560
It never roved beyond
our money-changing hole.
1299
01:19:28,644 --> 01:19:30,771
So I am condemned
1300
01:19:30,896 --> 01:19:33,816
to wander through the world
1301
01:19:33,941 --> 01:19:36,944
to see what I might have
shared on Earth,
1302
01:19:37,069 --> 01:19:40,364
then turned to happiness.
1303
01:19:42,032 --> 01:19:43,492
What are you doing here?
1304
01:19:43,617 --> 01:19:46,078
[Doo-Dah] You were always
a good businessman.
1305
01:19:46,161 --> 01:19:48,664
Doo-Dah's family, right?
1306
01:19:51,458 --> 01:19:54,169
Brian. It's me, move over.
1307
01:19:54,253 --> 01:19:57,631
No, man. Go find one
of the other empty seats.
1308
01:19:57,714 --> 01:19:59,883
Move over, Bri. Come on.
1309
01:20:05,931 --> 01:20:08,475
- Where's your sister?
- [Both] Shh.
1310
01:20:10,185 --> 01:20:12,896
- Dear Brother!
- Fanny!
1311
01:20:13,021 --> 01:20:15,607
Christine...
1312
01:20:17,526 --> 01:20:20,863
If I were to leave,
I wouldn't even know where to go.
1313
01:20:21,864 --> 01:20:23,532
Then why leave?
1314
01:20:24,992 --> 01:20:27,244
That's what I'm sayin'.
I don't wanna leave.
1315
01:20:27,369 --> 01:20:29,454
Then don't.
1316
01:20:32,207 --> 01:20:35,377
- All right, I won't.
- Okay.
1317
01:20:36,920 --> 01:20:39,882
- Is that all right?
- Yeah.
1318
01:20:40,007 --> 01:20:41,967
It's good.
1319
01:20:49,141 --> 01:20:54,146
Bri, that girl...
She's kinda cute for you.
1320
01:20:54,229 --> 01:20:55,814
- Talk to her.
- Stop it.
1321
01:20:55,898 --> 01:20:59,026
- She's gonna hear.
- I saw you looking at her.
1322
01:20:59,109 --> 01:21:00,903
- Stop.
- I can tell you like...
1323
01:21:01,028 --> 01:21:02,529
I can hear you.
1324
01:21:03,864 --> 01:21:06,033
[Chuckling]
1325
01:21:06,116 --> 01:21:07,409
That's embarrassing.
1326
01:21:08,619 --> 01:21:11,705
That's our grandfather.
This is Brian.
1327
01:21:11,830 --> 01:21:14,082
There, Brian.
You're all set.
1328
01:21:19,296 --> 01:21:20,881
I'm sorry.
1329
01:21:22,090 --> 01:21:23,675
Is that your brother?
1330
01:21:25,219 --> 01:21:27,638
Yeah.
1331
01:21:27,763 --> 01:21:30,224
How do we travel exactly?
1332
01:21:30,349 --> 01:21:33,852
Through the air. We fly!
1333
01:21:34,603 --> 01:21:35,687
Not so hard!
1334
01:21:35,771 --> 01:21:37,898
- Wedgie! Wedgie!
- [People laughing]
1335
01:21:58,085 --> 01:22:00,671
[Drew] Alicia?
1336
01:22:00,796 --> 01:22:03,507
- Hey.
- Hey.
1337
01:22:03,632 --> 01:22:06,510
Were you in there
the whole time?
1338
01:22:06,635 --> 01:22:09,304
No. I was just here
to pick up my mom.
1339
01:22:10,848 --> 01:22:15,310
She's in there with your dad.
1340
01:22:15,435 --> 01:22:18,605
They're kinda making out
in the third row.
1341
01:22:18,689 --> 01:22:20,983
- Really?
- Yeah.
1342
01:22:22,234 --> 01:22:24,361
- That's good.
- Look.
1343
01:22:24,486 --> 01:22:28,323
I don't expect you to want
to talk to me or anything,
1344
01:22:28,407 --> 01:22:33,245
so I'm not gonna bother you
and give you a hard time,
1345
01:22:33,328 --> 01:22:36,832
camp outside your place
and stalk you and you know.
1346
01:22:36,957 --> 01:22:38,959
But I do want to say that I'm sorry
1347
01:22:39,042 --> 01:22:42,588
for what I put you through
1348
01:22:42,671 --> 01:22:44,756
and say thank you.
1349
01:22:54,850 --> 01:22:56,768
So who are you renting
for New Year's
1350
01:22:56,852 --> 01:23:00,189
'cause you know, us Valcos,
we book up kind of fast.
1351
01:23:00,314 --> 01:23:02,191
[Drew] I see that.
1352
01:23:02,316 --> 01:23:05,110
And I'd get on it if I were you.
1353
01:23:05,194 --> 01:23:09,156
I'm lookin' for a family
with maybe a bearded,
1354
01:23:09,239 --> 01:23:12,826
irascible dad
with a heart of gold.
1355
01:23:12,951 --> 01:23:19,374
A brother who stays in his room
all the time by himself,
1356
01:23:19,500 --> 01:23:23,754
and a sister who is...
1357
01:23:26,465 --> 01:23:29,802
...wonderful and smart,
1358
01:23:30,803 --> 01:23:33,806
and really beautiful.
1359
01:23:33,889 --> 01:23:38,685
Because I think that's
the kind of person that...
1360
01:23:39,603 --> 01:23:43,690
...I could fall in love with.
1361
01:23:43,774 --> 01:23:47,653
You know anybody like that?
I know it's tough.
1362
01:23:47,736 --> 01:23:48,862
Let me think.
1363
01:23:48,987 --> 01:23:51,073
Not offhand,
but I'll get back to you.
1364
01:23:51,198 --> 01:23:53,116
Let me know.
1365
01:23:53,242 --> 01:23:56,203
[Judy Garland: "Have Yourself"
A Merry Little Christmas]
1366
01:24:08,340 --> 01:24:12,344
- [Horace] I hear you, dear.
- [Missy] Daddy, stop the car!
1367
01:24:13,137 --> 01:24:14,555
Oh, my God!
1368
01:24:15,472 --> 01:24:17,641
Oh, my God!
1369
01:24:18,433 --> 01:24:19,810
He's kissing his sister.
1370
01:24:21,103 --> 01:24:24,606
- [Letitia] That is open-mouth.
- 'Tis the season to be jolly.
1371
01:24:24,731 --> 01:24:28,068
- [Letitia] Get us out of here!
- [Horace] They're tryin' to keep warm.
1372
01:24:28,152 --> 01:24:30,237
[Letitia] Come on!