1
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,000
You in the robes.

2
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,900
Put down the weapon of mass destruction

3
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:04,300
and get on the ground!

4
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:08,300
You are under arrest.

5
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:21,777
Put down your weapons now!

6
00:03:21,843 --> 00:03:23,961
Why can't we ever do this the easy way?

7
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,800
World Police. Get down on the ground!

8
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:48,400
Hey terrorist.

9
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:52,400
Terrorize this.

10
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,700
All right. Let's make this interesting.

11
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,000
You lose.

12
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,689
He is getting away with the WMD.

13
00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:42,600
I got him.

14
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,800
Damn, I missed him.

15
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,800
Sarah, he has got the bomb.

16
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,400
You got a fix?

17
00:04:57,032 --> 00:04:58,300
I got him Carson.

18
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,700
He is heading for Louvre.

19
00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:05,700
Your plans are over.

20
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,700
All right Sarah.

21
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,000
Nothing to it.

22
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,500
All right. Let's make this interesting.

23
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,000
Bonjour everyone. Don't worry!

24
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,100
Everything is bombed

25
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:32,100
We stopped the terrorists.

26
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,800
I was doing a lot of thinking on the ride over here.

27
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,735
Oh yeah? Bout what?

28
00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:49,868
I was thinking that I want you to marry me.

29
00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:50,779
Don't joke about that!

30
00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:53,965
Who's joking?

31
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,700
Joe to Sarah.
Looks like we may need to order up a wedding cake.

32
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:01,500
He finally popped the question?

33
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,700
Lisa you are an amazing woman ...

34
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:06,200
and a damn fine cop.

35
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,200
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

36
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:13,200
Oh Carson, Carson.

37
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,800
Carson!

38
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,400
No!

39
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,500
Carson!

40
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,200
Feel so cold.

41
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,800
You have to hang on Carson.

42
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,500
Sorry babe. Looks like this was a one-way ticket.

43
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,600
No!

44
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,500
Lisa you have to live on,
Find someone else who will love you.

45
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,600
Find someone else and be happy.

46
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:52,600
You deserve it.

47
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:59,100
No!!!! No !!!!

48
00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:03,700
No !!!!

49
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,500
# Everyone has AIDS #

50
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:34,300
# AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #

51
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:38,300
# Everyone has AIDS #

52
00:07:38,563 --> 00:07:41,800
# And so this is the end of our story #

53
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,900
# And everyone is dead from AIDS #

54
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:48,900
# It took from me my best friend my only true pal #

55
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,700
# My only bright star #

56
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,400
# He died of AIDS #

57
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,700
# Well I am going to march on Washington '

58
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,800
# lead the fight and charge the brigades #

59
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,715
# There is a hero inside of all of us #

60
00:08:02,377 --> 00:08:04,775
# I will make them see that everyone has AIDS #

61
00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:06,148
# - My father #
# - AIDS! #

62
00:08:06,149 --> 00:08:07,580
# - My sister #
# - AIDS! #

63
00:08:07,581 --> 00:08:11,020
# - My uncle and my cousin and her best friend #
# - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #

64
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:14,177
# The gays and the straights and the whites and the spades #

65
00:08:14,603 --> 00:08:16,300
# Everyone has AIDS #


66
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,800
# - My grandma and my dog old blue #
# - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #

67
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,599
# - The pope has got it and so do you #
# - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #

68
00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:24,586
# - Come on Everybody we got quilting to do #
# - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #

69
00:08:24,586 --> 00:08:26,670
# We are going to break down these barricades #


70
00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:29,500
# Everyone has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #


71
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:35,500
# AIDS, AIDS, AIDS #


72
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,700
Great job Gary.


73
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:45,900
Thanks, you too Steve.


74
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,800
That was the greatest acting I have ever seen.


75
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,500
I just don't know how do you do it Gary?


76
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:53,400
How do you make youself so sober and
emotional to make everybody cry like that?

77
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,532
It's not that hard really.


78
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:58,871
I just think about the saddest moment in my life.


79
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:07,200
Man wow! Gary is such a great guy


80
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:22,682
Hello young man!


81
00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:25,197
Congratulations on a terrific performance.

82
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,400
Oh, thank you! I don't believe we've met Mr. ...?

83
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:33,600
The name is Spottswoode

84
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,523
Well nice to meet you.

85
00:09:35,558 --> 00:09:37,397
And you are Gary Justin

86
00:09:37,398 --> 00:09:40,099
All-American actor who graduated Iowa University

87
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,003
Summa cum laude with a double major in...

88
00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:43,812
theater and world languages

89
00:09:43,812 --> 00:09:47,000
You've been at the top of every acting class
since you were a child.

90
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:51,000
Top gun actor.

91
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,100
Hey hold on a second are you from Hollywood?

92
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:56,257
I have an incredible offer for you Gary.

93
00:09:56,258 --> 00:10:00,754
If you are interested follow me this way.

94
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:22,200
Please Gary, step into my car.

95
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:24,741
Oh I get it!

96
00:10:24,742 --> 00:10:27,740
I'm supposed to get in your car and
let you put your finger inside me.

97
00:10:27,741 --> 00:10:30,223
Then if I go down on you I get a movie part.

98
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:34,700
No I just want to show you something

99
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,100
Yeah, I bet you do

100
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:37,609
Please Gary I'm not from Hollywood

101
00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,263
I am not going to fuck your mouth...

102
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,304
and my time is extremely valuable!

103
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,800
Jesus this is a nice limo.

104
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,800
Yes it is! Now suck my cock!

105
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:03,200
Haha! Just kidding.

106
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,200
All right. Just what the hell is this about?

107
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,000
I hate to break this to you Gary ...

108
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,400
but some people out there want you dead.

109
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,300
Dead?

110
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,686
They are called terrorists, Gary ...

111
00:11:19,687 --> 00:11:21,947
and they hate everything about you.

112
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,300
Why? What did I do to them? I am just a Broadway actor.

113
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:28,782
It's not who you are Gary. It's what you stand for.

114
00:11:28,782 --> 00:11:31,274
And every single mintue of every single day

115
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,436
The terrorists are planning new ways to kill you.

116
00:11:33,437 --> 00:11:36,056
And everyone else who lives in a free country.

117
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:41,400
The only thing standing in their way...is us.

118
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,100
You?

119
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:48,100
Baxter, I think we can valmorphanize safely now.

120
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,414
OK a limousine that can fly!

121
00:12:22,415 --> 00:12:24,098
Now I have seen everything!

122
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,700
Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?

123
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:31,700
- No
- So then you haven't seen everything and neither have we.

124
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,600
Last week in Paris we got four terrorists
with a weapon of mass destruction.

125
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:41,400
The terrorists are planning something very big.

126
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,000
And just what does this have to do with me?

127
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,403
Our only hope is to have somebody act like a terrorist...

128
00:12:46,404 --> 00:12:48,993
who wants to help them carry out the attack.

129
00:12:49,028 --> 00:12:50,343
An actor convincing enough

130
00:12:50,344 --> 00:12:52,701
to make the terrorists think he is one of them.

131
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,572
This is crazy. I am an actor not a spy.

132
00:12:56,572 --> 00:12:59,005
That's all spying is...Acting!

133
00:12:59,005 --> 00:13:00,706
And they say you are the best!

134
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:04,100
An actor with a double major in theater and world languages.

135
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:08,100
Hell you are the perfect weapon Gary.

136
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,800
Look out!

137
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,600
Right this way you maverick renegade.

138
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,400
Welcome to team base.

139
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:03,400
Gary, this is Joe.
All-star quarterback from the University of Nebraska.

140
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,800
He is a natural born leader.

141
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,800
I've heard a lot about your acting Mr. Johnston

142
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,600
I hope it's as good as they say it is.

143
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,600
And this is Sarah. The top empath from Berkely school
for the clairvoyant in San Franciso.

144
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:19,500
I sense that you are slightly confused right now.

145
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,900
That's suppose to be Carson's replacement?

146
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:24,600
A fucking actor?

147
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,600
Don't mind Chris. He may be lacking courtesy
but he is the best martial art expert Detroit has to offer.

148
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,800
That's right actor. Just stay the fuck away from me.

149
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:39,100
And finally we have our psychology expert. Where is Lisa?

150
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:43,900
Right here.

151
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:53,300
Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think.

152
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,800
Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought under in childhood.

153
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,700
We've been doing our best to keep the world safe, Gary.

154
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,900
But now somebody has supplied the terrorists with WMDs.

155
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,600
And Intelligence tells us they plan to use them.

156
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,200
Isn't that right Intelligence?

157
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,400
That is affirmative!

158
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,800
Intelligence?

159
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,500
The most sophisticated computer in the world.

160
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,500
I've intercepted communications that several terrorists groups
are being organized for one massive world wide attack.

161
00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:26,900
From what Intelligence has gathered it would be 911 times 100.

162
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:32,500
911 times 100 Jesus that's ...

163
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,900
... yes, 91100.

164
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:40,900
Basically all the worst parts of the Bible.

165
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,400
So now you see why we need you.

166
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,400
We will disguise you as a terrorist and take you deep
into the Middle East. If your acting is successful

167
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,000
you'll be able to get us all the information
we need to stop this whole thing from happening.

168
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,400
Of course ... if you are not interested ...

169
00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,400
there's the door.

170
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,400
All right. Thanks.

171
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,000
Huh.

172
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,800
Gary, hey. Hold on a second!

173
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,400
Don't you understand? Every country in the world is in danger.

174
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,200
How is it my responsibility to do something?

175
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:27,200
Because like it or not,
you're the one with the power to do something.

176
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,400
I can't fight terrorists. I don't know nothing about guns or jets.

177
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:38,400
That doesn't matter. If you wanna help people
all that matters is Gary is what you have here.

178
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,000
Just think about it, ok. Here, take this.

179
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,400
Baxter will take you wherever you wanna go.

180
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,400
Just remember your freedom is at stake too.

181
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,200
What do you think Spottswoode sees in him ?

182
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:21,200
I don't know. But I think I see it too.

183
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:42,252
Hey Baxter I wanna take a detour.

184
00:17:44,003 --> 00:17:45,782
# What would you do #

185
00:17:45,783 --> 00:17:50,021
# if you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom? #

186
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:57,458
# What would you do if that is to make the ultimate sacrifice? #

187
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:01,200
# Would you think about all them people? #

188
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,109
# Who gave up everything they had? #

189
00:18:05,347 --> 00:18:08,800
# Would you think about all them war vets #

190
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,800
# and would you start to feel bad? #

191
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:18,300
# Freedom isn't free #

192
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:22,000
# It costs folks like you and me #

193
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:29,242
# And if we don't all chip in we'll never pay that bill #

194
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,300
# Freedom isn't free #

195
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:37,300
# No there is a hefty fuckin' fee #

196
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:44,156
# And if you don't throw in your buck 'o five who will? #

197
00:18:45,368 --> 00:18:47,390
# Buck 'o five #

198
00:18:47,425 --> 00:18:52,600
# Freedom costs a buck 'o five #

199
00:19:31,195 --> 00:19:32,924
Our dear leader Kim Jong-Il...

200
00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:35,122
says the weapons of mass destruction you requested

201
00:19:35,123 --> 00:19:36,561
are ready for you to take.

202
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,298
I am still in the process of recuriting...

203
00:19:39,299 --> 00:19:41,608
and training new terrorists for the attack.

204
00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:44,974
We take weapons later.

205
00:19:51,696 --> 00:19:54,650
He asked what part of the deal you did not understand.

206
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:57,400
He says perhaps his translator did not make it clear to you.

207
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:01,400
He says he should fire ... his translator.

208
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,200
Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am?

209
00:20:08,060 --> 00:20:10,658
I can not believe that I actually have a Chenchnen standing here

210
00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:13,311
telling me when he is going to take a delivery.

211
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,600
Hello.

212
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,100
Perhaps we can be ready sooner.

213
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,061
Yes, perhaps you can.

214
00:20:20,062 --> 00:20:22,780
Now take your weapons of mass desctruction and

215
00:20:22,781 --> 00:20:25,452
get the fuck out of here!

216
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,200
I ... had to come back.

217
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,600
I know you did son.

218
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,500
I still say this is a fucking mistake.

219
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:53,400
Stop it Chris! I sense that you are making him feel intimidated.

220
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,200
Gary I am afraid there is no time.

221
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,600
Intelligence tells us that the attack is imminent.

222
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:01,000
We need you to act like a Middle Eastern terrorist right away.

223
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,700
There is just one problem.

224
00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:05,300
I don't look Middle Eastern.

225
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:09,300
Hahaha - leave that to us!

226
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:24,300
Sarah is a professional at skin graphing and laser valmorphication.

227
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,200
Just try to be still.

228
00:22:03,902 --> 00:22:05,512
Amazing!

229
00:22:05,693 --> 00:22:08,300
The valmorphication completely worked.

230
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:12,300
Sit up and take a look Gary!

231
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,500
It's uncanny.

232
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,646
You are going to fool everyone Gary.

233
00:22:20,647 --> 00:22:23,585
...or should I say Hakmed?

234
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:28,900
All right team, we only get one shot at this so listen up!

235
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:31,556
Intelligence has intercepted communications that terrorists

236
00:22:31,557 --> 00:22:35,600
from different countries are gathering at a tavern! Here! In Cairo.

237
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,300
Cairo ... that's in Egypt.

238
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:41,300
Exactly right Joe.

239
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:42,451
Now team your mission.

240
00:22:42,452 --> 00:22:44,711
We'll be to get Gary into that tavern.

241
00:22:44,712 --> 00:22:47,882
And once he is on the inside, cover his back!

242
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,885
Gary, you must use your acting to find out

243
00:22:50,886 --> 00:22:53,621
any information you can from the terrorists.

244
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,716
Gary, if for some reason you cover is blown...

245
00:22:58,717 --> 00:23:01,032
and the terrorists take you prisoner ...

246
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,700
well you will probably want to take your own life.

247
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:08,700
Here you better have this.

248
00:23:12,775 --> 00:23:15,641
All right team! That's it! We've got a job to do.

249
00:23:15,641 --> 00:23:19,393
Let's go police the World!

250
00:23:19,394 --> 00:23:25,760
# America~America~ #

251
00:23:26,123 --> 00:23:28,783
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

252
00:23:28,784 --> 00:23:31,778
# Coming again to save the mother fucking day yeah~ #

253
00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:34,351
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

254
00:23:34,352 --> 00:23:37,523
# Freedom is the only way yeah! #

255
00:23:37,524 --> 00:23:39,990
# Terrorists your game is through~ #

256
00:23:39,991 --> 00:23:43,104
# 'cause now you have to answer to~ #

257
00:23:43,105 --> 00:23:45,756
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

258
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:48,840
# So lick my butt and suck on my balls~ #

259
00:23:48,841 --> 00:23:51,367
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

260
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,600
What if the old man is wrong about him, uh?

261
00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,600
What if he is not the actor Spottswoode says he is?

262
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:05,300
Why don't you trust actors Chris?

263
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,800
I got my reasons.

264
00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:15,000
You're all right Gary?

265
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,337
I was just thinking...

266
00:24:16,338 --> 00:24:19,707
on stage if I mess up a line it could mean a bad review.

267
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,600
If I mess up here...we're all dead.

268
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,500
I believe you can do this Gary

269
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:29,600
Why?

270
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,300
What reason do you have to believe?

271
00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:37,300
Sometimes ... believing is all we have.

272
00:25:31,537 --> 00:25:34,922
Fear not Muslim friends! We are here to find terrorists...

273
00:25:34,923 --> 00:25:38,273
I am clearing your minds of all anxiety.

274
00:25:38,383 --> 00:25:39,774
All right, good job Sarah.

275
00:25:39,775 --> 00:25:42,251
Now everyone make for the tavern.

276
00:25:42,538 --> 00:25:45,000
Let's get one thing straight actor - I don't trust you.

277
00:25:45,001 --> 00:25:47,500
And if you betray us I'll rip your fucking balls off

278
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,311
and stuff them up your ass, so the next time you shit...

279
00:25:49,312 --> 00:25:51,497
you'll shit all over your balls. Got it?

280
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,100
What's your problem with me?

281
00:25:53,100 --> 00:25:54,000
Yeah, you want a go?

282
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,515
Guys, guys, guys!

283
00:25:55,516 --> 00:25:58,370
Don't you see this is just what the terrorists want us to do?

284
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,800
The war is out there man - out there. Now pull it together!

285
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,600
All right team, let's move to the inner city. Keep it quiet!

286
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:22,400
Clear, Clear, Clear, Clear

287
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:23,099
All right Gary, you follow me!

288
00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:25,860
The rest of the team takes super secret hiding positions alpha one.

289
00:26:29,100 --> 00:26:31,834
All right that's the tavern with the blue door.

290
00:26:31,835 --> 00:26:36,400
Act your way past those guards! Dee what you can find out!

291
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,500
Temember if you think they are onto you give us the signal.

292
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:43,500
You remember the signal?

293
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:44,700
That's right.

294
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:48,700
All right, good luck.

295
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,000
Go get 'em cowboy!

296
00:27:22,900 --> 00:27:24,000
Oh shit!

297
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:28,000
Come on Gary act. You have the power.

298
00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:47,200
All right Gary.

299
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,300
Told you he was top gun.

300
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:50,300
I've never seen acting that good.

301
00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:54,300
He's amazing.

302
00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:16,814
We are Bashi rebels from the country of Somalia.

303
00:28:16,815 --> 00:28:18,526
Who are you?

304
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,600
My...name is Hakmed.

305
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:23,911
I am a terrorist.

306
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,403
Anybody know of any terrorist attacks coming up soon?

307
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:47,400
I sense that I am becoming attracted to Gary.

308
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:50,773
My advise is not to get involved with the team members, Sarah.

309
00:28:50,808 --> 00:28:53,182
It's to painful to see them die.

310
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,900
I am sorry Lisa I didn't mean to bring out...

311
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:58,800
It's ok Sarah.

312
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,900
I treasure your friendship.

313
00:29:00,900 --> 00:29:04,900
I treasure yours Lisa.

314
00:29:09,500 --> 00:29:13,500
Hey have you ever thought of telling Sarah how you feel?

315
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:16,269
Ah, what would a girl like Sarah want with a...

316
00:29:16,270 --> 00:29:18,673
simple Nebraska Boy like me?

317
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:22,900
I don't know nothing about fancy cars and fancy restaurants.

318
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Still I'd love to show her a full moon night on the corn fields.

319
00:29:41,500 --> 00:29:43,900
What do you know?

320
00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:47,100
I heard there may be a large terrorist attack.

321
00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:51,000
If you tell me what it is maybe I can help out.

322
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:51,959
Get out of here!

323
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,252
We have put a jihad on the infidels

324
00:29:54,253 --> 00:29:56,967
because they destroy our lives.

325
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:01,800
What do you know about pain and sadness?

326
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:10,120
Gary, Gary, Gary!

327
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,688
I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village

328
00:30:14,689 --> 00:30:17,018
in their black hawk hellicopters.

329
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,420
The infidels fired at the oil fields and

330
00:30:20,421 --> 00:30:22,856
they lid up like the eyes of Allah.

331
00:30:23,083 --> 00:30:24,949
Burning oil rain down from the sky

332
00:30:24,950 --> 00:30:26,609
cooked everything it touched.

333
00:30:26,610 --> 00:30:28,582
I could only hide myself and cry...

334
00:30:28,583 --> 00:30:32,280
as my goats were consumed by fiery black liquid death.

335
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,555
In the midst of the chaos...

336
00:30:36,556 --> 00:30:41,470
I could swear that I heard my goats ... screaming for help.

337
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,100
As quickly as they'd come the infidels were gone.

338
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:51,100
It was on that day I put a jihad on them.

339
00:30:54,100 --> 00:30:55,619
And if you don't believe it

340
00:30:55,620 --> 00:30:57,918
then you better kill me now.

341
00:30:57,919 --> 00:31:01,685
Because I'ill put a jihad on you too.

342
00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:11,900
I like you. You have balls. I like balls

343
00:31:15,700 --> 00:31:16,558
All right, listen carefully!

344
00:31:16,559 --> 00:31:19,282
The WMDs are located in a secret bunker

345
00:31:19,283 --> 00:31:21,307
20 yards east of this building.

346
00:31:21,308 --> 00:31:23,123
You can help us by grabbing it...

347
00:31:28,108 --> 00:31:29,764
Come! They're onto us.

348
00:31:29,765 --> 00:31:34,600
Hurry friend! We must make our escape.

349
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,700
Shit! I've got 5 terrorists going southeast on Bacalacadaca street.

350
00:31:39,700 --> 00:31:41,769
Don't let them get away!

351
00:31:47,100 --> 00:31:49,500
I sense that Gary is trapped inside the tavern.

352
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:53,500
Copy Sarah. You get Gary and we'll go after the terrorists.

353
00:31:53,501 --> 00:31:56,309
# America~ #

354
00:31:56,310 --> 00:31:59,322
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

355
00:31:59,323 --> 00:32:02,223
# Coming again to save the mother fucking day yeah~ #

356
00:32:02,224 --> 00:32:04,941
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

357
00:32:04,942 --> 00:32:08,252
# Freedom is the only way yeah! #

358
00:32:09,133 --> 00:32:11,589
# It's the dream that we all share #

359
00:32:11,590 --> 00:32:16,437
# -It's the hope for tomorrow~ #
# - Fuck Yeah! #

360
00:32:22,064 --> 00:32:24,965
Die infidels!

361
00:32:32,288 --> 00:32:33,277
They're not stopping.

362
00:32:33,249 --> 00:32:35,749
They had their chance.

363
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,800
Missed wide right.

364
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,500
One of the terrorist is trying to tell us something.

365
00:32:50,500 --> 00:32:52,800
It's me, it's me.

366
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,200
Looks like he is saying "kiss me, kiss me".

367
00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:00,200
Smartass motherfucker

368
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:13,500
Gary?

369
00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:14,800
An infidel.

370
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:18,800
Get up!

371
00:33:26,900 --> 00:33:30,900
Gary?

372
00:33:32,300 --> 00:33:34,100
Sarah to Team America 4

373
00:33:34,100 --> 00:33:35,400
What you got Sarah?

374
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,748
Gary isn't in the tavern.

375
00:33:36,749 --> 00:33:39,152
I think he maybe...with....terror....

376
00:33:39,153 --> 00:33:40,759
Say again Sarah. You're breaking up.

377
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,434
Joe do you copy?

378
00:33:42,435 --> 00:33:44,293
I'll get him.

379
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,451
Lisa?

380
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:51,100
I lost her.

381
00:33:50,917 --> 00:33:52,418
It's all right. We'll kill these guys

382
00:33:52,419 --> 00:33:53,942
and we'll find out what she wants.

383
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:58,700
All right.

384
00:34:03,300 --> 00:34:05,300
Hey, hey guys I think we should pull over.

385
00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:05,945
Pull over?

386
00:34:05,946 --> 00:34:07,087
Yes of course!

387
00:34:07,088 --> 00:34:08,399
Pull over let them pass us ...

388
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,324
and when they turn around we charge them.

389
00:34:10,359 --> 00:34:14,300
I love your balls.

390
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,033
Shit they got by me.

391
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,400
What are we doing?

392
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,315
This jeep is filled with explosives.

393
00:34:24,316 --> 00:34:26,942
We're going take their lives and our own.

394
00:34:26,943 --> 00:34:29,800
We...we gonna what?

395
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:30,800
Hang on Joe!

396
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,800
Die infidels!

397
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:47,600
Suprise cockheads!

398
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:53,200
Ahh!

399
00:35:03,100 --> 00:35:07,100
All right we fucking did it.

400
00:35:09,100 --> 00:35:10,205
Spottswoode, this is Lisa.

401
00:35:10,206 --> 00:35:13,906
Gary found the WMDs and the terrorists are down.

402
00:35:13,907 --> 00:35:17,900
Great job team. Head back to base for deep briefing and cocktails.

403
00:35:22,100 --> 00:35:26,100
This is breaking news with Peter Jennings.

404
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,380
Team America has once again pissed off

405
00:35:28,381 --> 00:35:31,201
the entire world after blowing up half of Cairo.

406
00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:34,526
And now some Hollywood celebrities are lashing out.

407
00:35:34,527 --> 00:35:37,936
Alec Baldwin is head of the Film Actors Guild.

408
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,617
The Film Actors Guild believes that

409
00:35:40,618 --> 00:35:43,219
what the world needs is compassion not violence.

410
00:35:43,300 --> 00:35:47,300
All that Team America does is create new enemies.

411
00:35:47,700 --> 00:35:49,800
Let me explain to you how this works.

412
00:35:49,801 --> 00:35:52,915
You see the corporations finance Team America ...

413
00:35:52,916 --> 00:35:54,841
and then Team America goes out...

414
00:35:54,842 --> 00:35:56,698
and the Corporations sit there in their...

415
00:35:56,699 --> 00:35:58,777
in their corporation buildings

416
00:35:58,812 --> 00:36:01,523
and ... and see that they are all corporationy

417
00:36:01,524 --> 00:36:03,173
and they make money.

418
00:36:04,300 --> 00:36:05,959
Last year I went to Iraq.

419
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,862
Before Team America showed up it was a happy place.

420
00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,518
They had flowery metals and rainbow skies...

421
00:36:11,519 --> 00:36:13,703
and rivers made of chcolates where the children

422
00:36:13,704 --> 00:36:16,713
danced and laughed and played with gun drop smiles.

423
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,112
The actors are calling for an emergency meeting.

424
00:36:19,113 --> 00:36:20,633
All ready excepted to attend are:

425
00:36:20,768 --> 00:36:21,934
Helen Hunt

426
00:36:21,935 --> 00:36:23,100
George Clooney

427
00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:24,200
Liv Tyler

428
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:25,600
Martin Sheen

429
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:26,900
Susan Sarandon

430
00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:28,200
Janeane Garofalo

431
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:29,500
and Matt Damon

432
00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:32,400
Matt Damon

433
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:33,157
In the mean time

434
00:36:33,158 --> 00:36:35,434
the world wants to deal with dangerous individuals...

435
00:36:35,598 --> 00:36:37,149
their own way.

436
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,400
Hans Blix. Oh no!

437
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,000
Oh hello. Great to see you again Hans.

438
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,768
Mr. ll, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today

439
00:37:06,769 --> 00:37:09,724
and you guards won't let me into certain areas.

440
00:37:09,900 --> 00:37:11,219
Hans, Hans, Hans!

441
00:37:11,220 --> 00:37:13,092
We being through this a dozen times!

442
00:37:13,093 --> 00:37:17,391
I don't have any weapons mass destruction, ok Hans?

443
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,377
Then let me look around

444
00:37:18,378 --> 00:37:20,749
so I can ease U.N.'s collective mind.

445
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,143
Hans, you are breaking my balls here, Hans...

446
00:37:23,144 --> 00:37:24,614
you are breaking my balls!

447
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,013
I am sorry but the U.N. must be firm with you!

448
00:37:27,014 --> 00:37:30,714
Let me see your whole palace or else ...

449
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,300
Or else what?

450
00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:36,900
Or else we will be very, very angry with you.

451
00:37:36,900 --> 00:37:40,900
And we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are.

452
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:47,679
Ok! I will show you Hans, you ready? Stand a little to your left.

453
00:37:49,549 --> 00:37:50,596
Little more...

454
00:37:52,197 --> 00:37:52,905
Good!

455
00:37:59,531 --> 00:38:00,771
There you go Hans Blix!

456
00:38:00,772 --> 00:38:03,544
How you like that you fucking cock sucker?

457
00:38:06,300 --> 00:38:09,900
You have any idea how fucking busy I am Hans Blix?

458
00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:10,922
Well, fuck you!

459
00:38:10,923 --> 00:38:13,091
You are inspecting? Well inspect that!

460
00:38:13,092 --> 00:38:15,442
You buttfucking piece of shit.

461
00:38:16,512 --> 00:38:18,810
What? You think I am just a petty arms dealer?

462
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:20,570
I am planning the attack!

463
00:38:20,571 --> 00:38:22,885
Congratulations Team America!

464
00:38:22,886 --> 00:38:25,085
You have stopped nothing!

465
00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:47,374
Congratulations Gary. You've done an amazing thing.

466
00:38:47,652 --> 00:38:49,671
It will be years before the terrorists

467
00:38:49,672 --> 00:38:51,881
have the resources to attack again!

468
00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:54,800
We are going to be unstoppable with you on the team Gary.

469
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,800
Terrorist your game is through.

470
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,903
You're the best, Gary.

471
00:39:01,159 --> 00:39:04,316
When this terrorist shoots at us from the back of his jeep and...

472
00:39:04,570 --> 00:39:06,793
You might have all the others fooled but not me.

473
00:39:06,794 --> 00:39:09,842
Your acting was reckless and it put us all in danger.

474
00:39:09,910 --> 00:39:11,352
The next time you put a stun like that...

475
00:39:11,353 --> 00:39:12,852
I'll drill two holes for your dick.

476
00:39:12,853 --> 00:39:13,645
So that when you pee

477
00:39:13,646 --> 00:39:15,634
it will shoot out in all directions.

478
00:39:15,635 --> 00:39:17,383
You got it?!

479
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,300
Hey Sarah do you mind if I dance with you?

480
00:39:21,300 --> 00:39:25,300
No of course not Joe.

481
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:37,000
Joe do you think it's ok for team members to date?

482
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,200
Sarah really?

483
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,200
Yeah do you think it's all right?

484
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:43,600
I think it's better than all right.

485
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:47,600
- It's great.
- Oh good. I'm so glad you think so.

486
00:40:01,100 --> 00:40:03,199
Gary, you're ok?

487
00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:08,300
I was just wondering if I can let go of an old painful memory.

488
00:40:09,900 --> 00:40:13,100
Is it anything you want to talk about?

489
00:40:13,100 --> 00:40:17,100
When I was a kid I always looked up to my older brother Tommy.

490
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,180
He was the jock and I was the little performer.

491
00:40:21,298 --> 00:40:23,221
We were all at the zoo one day.

492
00:40:23,222 --> 00:40:25,368
I was doing some acting...

493
00:40:25,369 --> 00:40:27,951
walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit.

494
00:40:27,952 --> 00:40:29,819
I fell in.

495
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,972
Everyone screamed and Tommy jumped in after me

496
00:40:33,766 --> 00:40:36,668
forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket.

497
00:40:38,231 --> 00:40:39,697
The gorillas just went wild.

498
00:40:40,507 --> 00:40:42,307
They jumped all over his body...

499
00:40:42,308 --> 00:40:45,404
and threw him around like a rag doll to get to those blueberries.

500
00:40:46,300 --> 00:40:48,185
One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla

501
00:40:48,186 --> 00:40:50,788
who would toss him to another.

502
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:55,437
Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help - but...

503
00:40:55,438 --> 00:40:56,737
it was too late...

504
00:40:57,271 --> 00:40:59,470
The gorillas beat him to death

505
00:40:59,471 --> 00:41:01,863
before the zoo keepers could gas them all.

506
00:41:05,477 --> 00:41:09,142
My acting got my brother killed.

507
00:41:09,143 --> 00:41:13,325
I had to live with that every single day.

508
00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:18,100
Gary you can't blame yourself for what the gorillas did.

509
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:21,000
I think I can finally let it go,

510
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,026
because...my acting saved the entire world.

511
00:41:24,061 --> 00:41:26,418
And something even better happened.

512
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:28,132
What?

513
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,400
I met somebody who ... took my breath away.

514
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,700
Gary, no!

515
00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:41,633
I am sorry.

516
00:41:41,634 --> 00:41:45,452
It's just ... things are really complicated Gary.

517
00:41:45,900 --> 00:41:48,100
I know about Carson.

518
00:41:48,100 --> 00:41:50,700
I know how it feels.

519
00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:52,800
God I am so confused.

520
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,600
It's too soon to be having feelings for you.

521
00:41:56,600 --> 00:42:01,652
Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them.

522
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:03,312
But I have to control them

523
00:42:03,313 --> 00:42:06,379
because I can't go through losing somebody again. It's too painful!

524
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,181
So...so what? You're just gonna shut down?

525
00:42:09,309 --> 00:42:13,500
I really like you - there's no chance we can ever be togther?

526
00:42:15,874 --> 00:42:19,149
Only if you could promise me you'll never die.

527
00:42:19,700 --> 00:42:21,800
You know I can't promise you that.

528
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:25,800
If you did that I would make love to you right now.

529
00:42:29,900 --> 00:42:33,900
I promise. I will never die.

530
00:42:52,193 --> 00:42:56,279
# I need this, I need love, I need you~ #

531
00:42:58,883 --> 00:43:03,791
# I don't need one heartbeat, I need two~ #

532
00:43:05,457 --> 00:43:08,658
# There is an emptiness I need to fill~ #

533
00:43:08,659 --> 00:43:13,124
# And only one emptiness will do~ #

534
00:43:13,125 --> 00:43:15,655
# Only a woman~ #

535
00:43:15,656 --> 00:43:19,602
# Can brighten up my day~ #

536
00:43:19,603 --> 00:43:22,102
# Only a woman~ #

537
00:43:22,103 --> 00:43:26,753
# Can touch me the right way~ #

538
00:43:26,754 --> 00:43:29,258
# Only a woman~ #

539
00:43:29,259 --> 00:43:33,088
# Is allowed to touch me there~ #

540
00:43:33,733 --> 00:43:37,440
# All I ask is that you're a woman~ #

541
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,900
Lisa you are the most amazing person I've ever met.

542
00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:43,122
It's only being a short time...

543
00:43:43,123 --> 00:43:44,670
but I think that I am completely in love...

544
00:43:44,671 --> 00:43:46,480
shhh

545
00:43:46,481 --> 00:43:49,000
Let's not talk.

546
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,900
I can't help it. It just feels so right.

547
00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:53,600
I don't want anything to mess it up.

548
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,400
shhh

549
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:00,400
There is not a thing in the world that can mess this up.

550
00:45:48,900 --> 00:45:52,000
Team I'm afraid I have bad news.

551
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,000
At 7:15 this morning the terrorists carried out their attack.

552
00:45:57,900 --> 00:45:58,800
What?

553
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:02,800
But how can that be? Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo.

554
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,605
It appears now that Intelligence was wrong about

555
00:46:04,606 --> 00:46:06,690
the Chechenens being in charge.

556
00:46:07,674 --> 00:46:10,928
That was bad intelligence. Very bad intelligence!

557
00:46:10,929 --> 00:46:12,701
I am sorry.

558
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:17,400
We have to find out who did this and take them down ... Fast.

559
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:21,895
Sir I'm intercepting communications about the terrorist identities.

560
00:46:21,896 --> 00:46:23,147
On screen!

561
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:28,000
This is breaking news with Peter Jennings.

562
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:31,000
An attack in Panama today has left thousands dead.

563
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,000
Taking credit were terrorists from Derkaderkastain.

564
00:46:35,100 --> 00:46:37,800
Of course Derkaderkastain.

565
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:39,178
The terrorists claim that the attack was

566
00:46:39,179 --> 00:46:42,201
retaliation for Team America's action in Cairo.

567
00:46:42,500 --> 00:46:46,500
Alec Baldwin is rallying all the members of the Film Actors Guild.

568
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,200
Alec Baldwin!

569
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:49,000
Gary?

570
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:53,000
He is ... he is my hero! The single greatest actor of all time.

571
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,000
Who is to blame for these attack at Panama?

572
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:00,605
The terrorists? The person who supplied them with the WMDs?

573
00:47:00,606 --> 00:47:04,704
No! Blame Team America!

574
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,796
their reckless disregard in Cairo...

575
00:47:07,797 --> 00:47:09,879
brought on this violence today!

576
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:10,880
Team America ...

577
00:47:10,700 --> 00:47:14,700
the blood of the victims of Panama is on your hands.

578
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:20,086
Moved by Alec Baldwin's impassionate speech

579
00:47:20,087 --> 00:47:25,564
hundreds of people turned out at Mountain Rushmore today to protest.

580
00:47:27,700 --> 00:47:29,913
Hey that's here.

581
00:47:29,914 --> 00:47:32,388
Tom! It looks like filmmaker Michael Moore

582
00:47:32,389 --> 00:47:35,853
is also jumping on the fuck Team America bandwagon!

583
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:38,968
Protesting is not enough!

584
00:47:38,969 --> 00:47:43,262
We must take radical action against the fascists in our own country!

585
00:47:43,300 --> 00:47:47,300
Bring it down, bring it all down!

586
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,621
Team, if the Dekaderkastanies have weapons of mass destruction

587
00:47:55,622 --> 00:47:58,873
I am afraid it could be 911 times a thousand.

588
00:47:59,500 --> 00:48:01,100
Jesus you mean ...

589
00:48:01,100 --> 00:48:05,100
Yes! 911,000.

590
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,000
Then forget all this assholes. We got work to do.

591
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,900
Yes let's get Gary valmorphinized so we can use his acting.

592
00:48:10,901 --> 00:48:16,379
My acting? My acting! My acting just got a thousand people killed!

593
00:48:16,500 --> 00:48:18,400
Jesus I've done it again.

594
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,500
Pull yourself together Gary. We need you now more than ever.

595
00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:23,500
I'm through with this.

596
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:24,100
Gary you can't go.

597
00:48:24,101 --> 00:48:25,532
Without you the team is doomed!

598
00:48:25,533 --> 00:48:29,062
Remember there is no "I" in Team America.

599
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,853
Yes there is.

600
00:48:34,199 --> 00:48:35,734
I know it's hard Gary...

601
00:48:35,735 --> 00:48:38,770
but you are still the only hope to stop these newer terrorists.

602
00:48:38,900 --> 00:48:41,800
Why me? Why am I the only one?

603
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,900
Because you are the one with the power to do so.

604
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:46,712
But I don't want the fucking power.

605
00:48:48,455 --> 00:48:49,419
I don't want the guilt!

606
00:48:49,420 --> 00:48:50,584
I don't want the shame and...

607
00:48:50,585 --> 00:48:52,914
I don't want the responsibility!

608
00:48:53,100 --> 00:48:55,363
Then what about all the things you promised last night?

609
00:48:56,042 --> 00:48:58,148
You said you'd never leave!

610
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:02,600
I said I'd never die, but now I'm dead inside.

611
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:08,500
You slept with Gary?

612
00:49:08,500 --> 00:49:09,800
Sarah ...

613
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:13,800
But you knew I liked Gary. I told you.

614
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:18,000
You like Gary? Oh, I see...

615
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:21,300
I didn't plan on it happening Sarah.

616
00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:24,400
Save it Lisa.

617
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,900
You see all I do is hurt people.

618
00:49:27,900 --> 00:49:29,512
Gary you didn't kill your brother!

619
00:49:29,513 --> 00:49:31,972
Those gorillas did!

620
00:49:35,494 --> 00:49:38,400
I'm sorry I'm not the man you think I am.

621
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,716
I'm just bad news.

622
00:49:41,788 --> 00:49:44,669
I'ill never act again.

623
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,600
Fuck him! We don't need an actor.

624
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,692
We can take out the Derkaderkastainies the old fashion way.

625
00:49:56,693 --> 00:49:59,057
No! It will be a suicide mission.

626
00:49:59,058 --> 00:50:00,319
That's all right...

627
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:04,386
I feel a little bit like dying.

628
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:10,400
God damn it Gary.

629
00:50:13,806 --> 00:50:19,101
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

630
00:50:19,102 --> 00:50:25,466
# Coming again to save the mother fucking day yeah~ #

631
00:50:25,467 --> 00:50:30,631
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

632
00:50:30,632 --> 00:50:36,949
# Freedom is the only way yeah! #

633
00:50:36,950 --> 00:50:41,626
# Terrorists your game is through~ #

634
00:50:41,627 --> 00:50:47,447
# 'cause now you have to answer to~ #

635
00:50:48,651 --> 00:50:53,529
# -America #
# -Fuck Yeah! #

636
00:50:53,530 --> 00:50:58,228
# -America #
# -Fuck... #

637
00:50:58,229 --> 00:51:03,482
Gary! Help me! Get this thing off me! Gary!

638
00:51:06,161 --> 00:51:08,928
All right team we are near Derkaderkastain!

639
00:51:09,744 --> 00:51:11,641
Let's get ready!

640
00:51:12,700 --> 00:51:15,647
Look out! We got terrorist aircraft.

641
00:51:21,300 --> 00:51:23,242
There is only 5 of them, team. This should be easy.

642
00:51:23,243 --> 00:51:26,900
Korean aircraft at 1:00 o'clock.

643
00:51:26,900 --> 00:51:30,900
What are they doing here?

644
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,900
Shoot them down - like dogs.

645
00:51:35,900 --> 00:51:39,900
Kim Jong-Il ... why is he helping terrorists?

646
00:51:46,900 --> 00:51:48,696
I've got one on my tail.

647
00:51:49,971 --> 00:51:51,403
I got you Sarah!

648
00:51:56,089 --> 00:51:58,239
Bring in the submarines!

649
00:52:00,700 --> 00:52:02,125
What the hell?

650
00:52:02,126 --> 00:52:04,445
Somebody is shooting at us from the water!

651
00:52:04,446 --> 00:52:05,966
It must be a Korean sub.

652
00:52:06,155 --> 00:52:07,842
Chris you get to take him out.

653
00:52:07,843 --> 00:52:09,649
I am already on it.

654
00:52:16,076 --> 00:52:17,828
These guys really snuck up on us.

655
00:52:17,829 --> 00:52:20,435
Yeah there is a lot of that going around lately.

656
00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:23,200
Sarah you know I didn't mean to hurt you.

657
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:27,200
No you just didn't care if you did.

658
00:52:27,201 --> 00:52:28,625
Now come on Sarah that isn't fair!

659
00:52:29,296 --> 00:52:31,871
Lisa can't help it if Gary has feelings for her.

660
00:52:32,100 --> 00:52:36,100
Just like nobody can help it if you have feelings for Gary.

661
00:52:39,514 --> 00:52:41,520
What is that supposed to mean?

662
00:52:41,789 --> 00:52:42,722
Oh come on Sarah!

663
00:52:42,723 --> 00:52:45,328
You mean you never realized that Joe has feelings for you?

664
00:52:48,724 --> 00:52:51,830
Joe? But you're like a brother to me.

665
00:52:52,758 --> 00:52:55,100
That's all I ever am ... like a brother.

666
00:52:55,100 --> 00:52:59,100
It isn't fair.

667
00:53:02,419 --> 00:53:04,702
Hang on team. Someone has broken into the hangar.

668
00:53:04,956 --> 00:53:05,914
Baxter?

669
00:53:06,038 --> 00:53:08,087
Hey Team America.

670
00:53:08,088 --> 00:53:10,060
I got something for you!

671
00:53:10,325 --> 00:53:11,781
What the hell?

672
00:53:11,901 --> 00:53:14,240
Prepare to die!

673
00:53:16,672 --> 00:53:24,853
Jesus titty fucking Christ!

674
00:53:25,300 --> 00:53:28,800
Spottswoode!

675
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,316
Oh my god!

676
00:53:31,243 --> 00:53:32,445
No ...

677
00:53:32,700 --> 00:53:34,136
he can't be dead.

678
00:53:35,100 --> 00:53:36,800
We've lost Intelligence.

679
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,800
I repeat ... we have no Intelligence.

680
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,200
Their computers are down.

681
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:45,200
Attack!

682
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:48,100
Sarah!

683
00:53:48,100 --> 00:53:52,100
That's it I am going down.

684
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,186
Sarah God! Chris you gotta help her!

685
00:53:54,187 --> 00:53:55,200
I am on it.

686
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,600
Just hang on Sarah!

687
00:53:59,500 --> 00:54:02,000
Oh fuck, I've been hit.

688
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,300
Chris, come in!

689
00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:05,900
Oh Jesus I am hit.

690
00:54:05,807 --> 00:54:06,519
Lisa!

691
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:07,043
It's going down!

692
00:54:07,044 --> 00:54:09,097
God damn it. I am gonna to have to breach.

693
00:54:12,900 --> 00:54:16,100
I am going to hit the water.

694
00:54:16,100 --> 00:54:18,200
Missile lock - I got missile lock!

695
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:19,900
I gotta bail out!

696
00:54:19,900 --> 00:54:23,900
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

697
00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:37,781
Salvage that ships!

698
00:54:37,782 --> 00:54:41,997
- If you find anyone alive...you know what to do with them.
- Yeah!
699
00:54:44,300 --> 00:54:47,400
Terrorist on screen.

700
00:54:47,401 --> 00:54:51,300
Ok, who blew up Panama Canal?

701
00:54:51,301 --> 00:54:53,600
We were angry about Cairo.

702
00:54:53,601 --> 00:54:55,700
God damn it how many times do I have to tell you.

703
00:54:55,701 --> 00:54:58,800
you don't use the WMDs until you see the signal.

704
00:54:58,801 --> 00:55:00,523
I've woked 10 years on this plan.

705
00:55:00,818 --> 00:55:03,700
And it's a very precise and a complicated plan.

706
00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:05,754
I am sick of you terrorist fucking it up.

707
00:55:05,755 --> 00:55:07,708
Now take the weapons where I told you...

708
00:55:07,709 --> 00:55:10,032
and wait for the God damn signal this time!

709
00:55:10,033 --> 00:55:11,739
Good bye!

710
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:17,200
Why is everyone so fucking stupid?

711
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:21,400
Why aren't there more people intelligent like me?

712
00:55:22,900 --> 00:55:24,787
I am ... so ...

713
00:55:24,788 --> 00:55:27,082
# lonely~ #

714
00:55:27,083 --> 00:55:29,043
# so lonely~ #

715
00:55:29,044 --> 00:55:33,096
# so lonely and sadly alone~ #

716
00:55:33,097 --> 00:55:37,317
# get no one, just me only~ #

717
00:55:37,318 --> 00:55:41,153
# sitting on my little throne~ #

718
00:55:41,154 --> 00:55:45,790
# I work very hard and make out great plans~ #

719
00:55:45,791 --> 00:55:50,164
# but nobody listens no one understands~ #

720
00:55:50,165 --> 00:55:56,709
# seems like no one takes me seriously~ #

721
00:55:56,710 --> 00:56:00,808
# and so...I'm lonely~ #

722
00:56:00,809 --> 00:56:04,047
# eheh, a little lonely ... #

723
00:56:05,011 --> 00:56:10,686
# poor little me~ #

724
00:56:14,662 --> 00:56:19,154
# there's no body, I can relate to~ #

725
00:56:19,155 --> 00:56:22,980
# feel like a bird in the cage~ #

726
00:56:22,981 --> 00:56:26,969
# it's kind of silly, but not reary~ #

727
00:56:26,970 --> 00:56:31,239
# because it's filling my body with rage~ #

728
00:56:31,639 --> 00:56:35,843
# I'm the smartest, most clever and most physically fit!~ #

729
00:56:35,844 --> 00:56:40,095
# but no body else seems to realize it~ #

730
00:56:40,096 --> 00:56:46,746
# when I changed the world maybe they'll notice me~ #

731
00:56:46,747 --> 00:56:48,131
# and until then #

732
00:56:48,132 --> 00:56:50,888
# I'll just be lonely~ #

733
00:56:52,050 --> 00:56:55,102
# yeah...a little lonely #

734
00:56:55,103 --> 00:57:01,252
# poor little me~ #

735
00:57:04,315 --> 00:57:12,598
# I'm...so ... lonely~ #

736
00:57:27,130 --> 00:57:29,049
# what would you do~ #

737
00:57:29,050 --> 00:57:33,489
# if you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom~ #

738
00:57:34,672 --> 00:57:38,063
# what would you do,If asked to make the ultimate sacrifice~ #

739
00:57:38,574 --> 00:57:41,600
Hey weren't you the actor in that Broadway show?

740
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:45,600
Hey yeah it is you do that scene where everyone gets AIDS.

741
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:49,900
I don't act anymore. I gave that up.

742
00:57:49,900 --> 00:57:51,000
Oh come on man. Just a scene.

743
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:57,160
I said get away from me. I am completely lost.
I've hit rock bottom.

744
00:57:57,300 --> 00:58:00,242
Easy, easy ho. You gotta calm down there Chuck.

745
00:58:00,243 --> 00:58:03,075
I hurt people. I am a dick.

746
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:06,148
Oh, being a dick isn't so bad.

747
00:58:06,149 --> 00:58:10,575
There are three kinds of people. Dicks, pussies, and assholes.

748
00:58:10,900 --> 00:58:12,716
Pussies think everyone can get alone.

749
00:58:12,717 --> 00:58:15,901
And dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through.

750
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,397
But then you get your assholes Chuck!

751
00:58:18,398 --> 00:58:22,210
And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything.

752
00:58:22,700 --> 00:58:25,264
So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while

753
00:58:25,265 --> 00:58:28,066
because pussies get fucked by dicks.

754
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:32,000
But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck.

755
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:34,800
And if they didn't fuck the assholes you know what you get?

756
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:38,800
You get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit.

757
00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:43,900
All right that does it. Get out of here you drunk low life!

758
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:54,200
Get out of here I said!

759
00:59:00,748 --> 00:59:07,698
Lisa! Lisa? Lisa are you here?

760
00:59:08,532 --> 00:59:11,115
Get out of the street you fuking bum!

761
00:59:16,666 --> 00:59:19,363
You gave up on life didn't you?

762
01:00:42,686 --> 01:00:44,066
My fellow actors!

763
01:00:44,067 --> 01:00:46,075
We live in a dark time.

764
01:00:46,076 --> 01:00:48,630
The world is becoming more and more violent

765
01:00:48,748 --> 01:00:51,084
and the idoits in charge are making it worse.

766
01:00:51,085 --> 01:00:54,904
What the world needs is an international advisory committee

767
01:00:54,905 --> 01:00:57,728
who truly understands global politics.

768
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:02,473
- Namely ... us.
- erg!erg!erg!

769
01:01:02,992 --> 01:01:07,000
The time has come for us to start using our acting talents in a different way.

770
01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:10,911
Yes we can use our powers to change the world.

771
01:01:10,912 --> 01:01:13,754
erg!erg!erg!

772
01:01:13,755 --> 01:01:17,444
We'll persuvade everyone to drive hybrid cars and stop smoking.

773
01:01:17,445 --> 01:01:20,225
If we focus our acting on global politics

774
01:01:20,226 --> 01:01:22,368
we can change everything and stuff!

775
01:01:22,369 --> 01:01:25,514
erg!erg!erg!

776
01:01:25,709 --> 01:01:29,900
As actors it's our responsibility to read the newspapers

777
01:01:29,900 --> 01:01:33,900
and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.

778
01:01:34,500 --> 01:01:36,047
Matt Damon

779
01:01:36,470 --> 01:01:38,070
We'll all done action films.

780
01:01:38,071 --> 01:01:39,787
If anyone tries to get in our way

781
01:01:39,788 --> 01:01:42,159
we'll show them how tough we actors really are.

782
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:47,095
erg!erg!erg!

783
01:01:47,096 --> 01:01:49,325
I am glad you all agree

784
01:01:49,326 --> 01:01:53,182
because I've just been contacted by a very important political leader

785
01:01:53,183 --> 01:01:55,903
who has bringing all the world leaders together

786
01:01:55,904 --> 01:01:58,841
for a massive international peace conference

787
01:01:58,842 --> 01:02:02,800
and he wants us to be the keynote speakers.

788
01:02:02,801 --> 01:02:05,619
erg!erg!erg!

789
01:02:05,700 --> 01:02:07,538
Matt Damon!

790
01:02:07,539 --> 01:02:09,354
erg!erg!erg!

791
01:02:09,355 --> 01:02:12,320
Say hello to our new partner!

792
01:02:12,355 --> 01:02:14,938
Hello?

793
01:02:14,939 --> 01:02:18,971
erg!erg!erg!

794
01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:27,446
Stop it! Stop it! You are killing him.

795
01:02:27,900 --> 01:02:30,300
I am gonna fucking kill you.

796
01:02:30,300 --> 01:02:32,558
You are not in the position to kill anyone,

797
01:02:32,559 --> 01:02:35,207
my red, white and blue friend.

798
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:39,940
So you are the bastard planning 911 times a thousand.

799
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,358
No, you think so small.

800
01:02:42,359 --> 01:02:46,652
You see, I am about to have an elaborate peace ceremony!

801
01:02:46,896 --> 01:02:51,100
And while all the world's most important peoples are distracted here

802
01:02:51,300 --> 01:02:53,600
I will detonate the WMDs

803
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:57,600
which I have given to terrorists all around the globe.

804
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:03,000
It will be 911 times 2356.

805
01:03:05,300 --> 01:03:09,300
My god! That's...I don't even know what that is.

806
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,100
Nobody does.

807
01:03:12,100 --> 01:03:13,400
You heartless bastard!

808
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:15,000
Why would you do such a thing.

809
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,960
Because then I will be balance!

810
01:03:16,961 --> 01:03:19,763
Every country will be a Third World country!

811
01:03:19,976 --> 01:03:24,300
Just imagine it. All around the world there will be massive explosions.

812
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:29,100
With nobody to guide them the people will break out into panic and

813
01:03:29,100 --> 01:03:34,525
rioting all over the earth the true nature of humanity is unleashed.

814
01:03:34,923 --> 01:03:39,888
Dog eats dog as everyone attacks everyone and feds only for themselves.

815
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,800
Global stability unravels.

816
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:46,800
By the time my show is over it will be far too late.

817
01:03:54,700 --> 01:03:55,596
Your plan will fail!

818
01:03:55,597 --> 01:03:59,203
You will never keep the world leaders distracted here for 9 hours!

819
01:03:59,339 --> 01:04:00,800
Oh no?

820
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:04,800
I've got Alec Baldwin.

821
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:06,689
Damn god!

822
01:04:06,690 --> 01:04:09,700
You are the rest of a dying breed ...

823
01:04:09,612 --> 01:04:12,500
the flag waving Americans.

824
01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:16,500
Well your little dream will soon be over.

825
01:04:16,700 --> 01:04:19,600
I must get back planning the ceremony now.

826
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:21,384
The film actors are on their way.

827
01:04:21,385 --> 01:04:24,760
Perhaps they'll stop in and say hello!

828
01:04:26,585 --> 01:04:31,794
Having so little faith in humanity must make you a very lonely man.

829
01:04:39,221 --> 01:04:42,200
You shall have a front row seat.

830
01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,500
Bring her upstairs!

831
01:04:44,500 --> 01:04:46,800
Leave her alone you son of a bitch!

832
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:50,800
Lisa, I treasure your friendship.

833
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:54,780
Ah! Somebody has to stop this.

834
01:05:01,102 --> 01:05:05,714
# I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark #

835
01:05:05,715 --> 01:05:09,047
# When he made Pearl Harbor #

836
01:05:09,048 --> 01:05:13,931
# I miss you more than that movie missed the point #

837
01:05:13,932 --> 01:05:18,046
# And that's an awful lot girl, and now~ #

838
01:05:18,047 --> 01:05:20,764
# now you've gone away~ #

839
01:05:22,211 --> 01:05:24,925
# All I'm trying to say~ #

840
01:05:24,926 --> 01:05:27,384
# is Pearl Harbor sucked #

841
01:05:27,385 --> 01:05:31,563
# and I missed you~ #

842
01:05:34,085 --> 01:05:38,519
# I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school~ #

843
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:41,898
# He was terrible in that film! #

844
01:05:41,899 --> 01:05:46,557
# I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part~ #

845
01:05:47,365 --> 01:05:51,189
# He's way better than Ben Affleck and now~ #

846
01:05:51,190 --> 01:05:54,655
# all I can think about is your smiles~ #

847
01:05:54,656 --> 01:05:57,711
# and that shitty movie too~ #

848
01:05:57,712 --> 01:06:00,192
# Pearl Harbour sucked~ #

849
01:06:00,669 --> 01:06:04,782
# and I miss you~ #

850
01:06:06,599 --> 01:06:09,745
# Pearl Harbour sucked~ #

851
01:06:11,480 --> 01:06:17,508
# just a little bit more than I miss you~ #

852
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:22,000
Oh my god! What the hell happened?

853
01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:44,500
Hello anybody?

854
01:06:45,441 --> 01:06:48,259
Greetings Mr. Johnston.

855
01:06:48,469 --> 01:06:50,700
Intelligence what the hell happened?

856
01:06:50,700 --> 01:06:54,700
Our base was attacked by a giant socialist weasel.

857
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:56,545
But where is the team?

858
01:06:56,546 --> 01:07:01,137
They have been taken prisoner by Kim Jong-Il in North Korea.

859
01:07:01,138 --> 01:07:03,426
I have intercepted communications that...

860
01:07:03,427 --> 01:07:06,991
he is planning the massive attack during a peace ceremony.

861
01:07:07,530 --> 01:07:10,800
Don't move protestor or I will blow your commy brains out.

862
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:12,400
Spottswoode?

863
01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:13,536
Johnston?

864
01:07:14,139 --> 01:07:15,486
What the hell are you doing here?

865
01:07:15,487 --> 01:07:16,923
Get away from Intelligence!

866
01:07:17,100 --> 01:07:19,418
I am using it to blow up North Korea.

867
01:07:19,419 --> 01:07:21,400
No! The team is in North Korea.

868
01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:25,633
I know and so are the triggers to WMDs poised all around the globle

869
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:28,695
My only opinion now is to blow up Kim Jong-Il...

870
01:07:28,696 --> 01:07:30,931
and everything around him before he can set them off.

871
01:07:31,449 --> 01:07:34,433
Intelligence, initiate detonation sequences on the ships.

872
01:07:34,500 --> 01:07:35,860
You'll kill them all!

873
01:07:36,117 --> 01:07:38,014
It's what they would want me to do Gary!

874
01:07:38,378 --> 01:07:39,565
They would happily give their lives...

875
01:07:39,566 --> 01:07:41,961
for the good of the world - something you don't understand.

876
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:43,547
There has to be another way.

877
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:46,404
There is nobody left to stop Kim Jong-Il.

878
01:07:47,463 --> 01:07:49,206
Let me go!

879
01:07:50,113 --> 01:07:53,301
You? You are a butt fucking quitter!

880
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:54,905
You walked out Gary.

881
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:56,072
The team went on a mission without you and...

882
01:07:56,073 --> 01:07:58,063
without an actor they were like pigs to the slaughter.

883
01:07:58,064 --> 01:08:00,977
I am suppose to leave the fate of the world in your hands?

884
01:08:00,978 --> 01:08:03,491
I know I walked out but I'd do anything to take it back!

885
01:08:03,492 --> 01:08:05,183
Please just let me help!

886
01:08:05,491 --> 01:08:07,174
You've done enough

887
01:08:07,286 --> 01:08:10,220
Please! Spottswoode you have to believe in me!

888
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:15,000
I want to believe in you Gary.

889
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:16,600
I really do.

890
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:19,900
But you've let me down before.

891
01:08:19,900 --> 01:08:23,900
Please! How can I make you trust me?

892
01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:27,413
I remembered the first time we met.

893
01:08:27,414 --> 01:08:30,009
You were a simple Broadway actor afraid to get in my limo

894
01:08:30,010 --> 01:08:33,442
because you thought I wanted you to perform oral sex on me.

895
01:08:33,743 --> 01:08:36,082
Do you remember that?

896
01:08:36,100 --> 01:08:37,664
Yeah

897
01:08:38,263 --> 01:08:40,343
But now the tables are turned

898
01:08:40,344 --> 01:08:43,223
and I don't know if I can trust you.

899
01:08:44,938 --> 01:08:48,442
Just give me a chance.

900
01:08:51,177 --> 01:08:54,268
Alright! I will trust you...

901
01:08:54,718 --> 01:08:59,602
but only if you will perform oral sex on me.

902
01:09:01,328 --> 01:09:02,300
What?

903
01:09:02,300 --> 01:09:06,300
Right here, right now.

904
01:09:06,900 --> 01:09:08,300
You can't be serious.

905
01:09:08,300 --> 01:09:10,100
Oh I am serious.

906
01:09:10,100 --> 01:09:14,100
Look, this is my serious face.

907
01:09:15,500 --> 01:09:16,284
What will that prove?

908
01:09:16,422 --> 01:09:19,400
It will prove that you are truly ready to lay everything on the line

909
01:09:19,401 --> 01:09:21,859
To throw away all you innervations and get 100 percent

910
01:09:21,860 --> 01:09:23,453
We must go back to the first night we met

911
01:09:23,500 --> 01:09:25,500
that first issue of trust. Don't you see?

912
01:09:25,500 --> 01:09:27,700
No, I thought you weren't gay.

913
01:09:27,700 --> 01:09:30,600
This isn't about sex Gary ... it's about trust!

914
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:31,763
It is the eye of the needle Gary!

915
01:09:31,764 --> 01:09:33,390
And we must both pass through it.

916
01:09:38,700 --> 01:09:42,700
Ok, let's do it.

917
01:09:43,100 --> 01:09:45,025
Ah, make sure nobody is watching.

918
01:09:45,405 --> 01:09:47,115
Yeah, looks clear.

919
01:09:47,701 --> 01:09:50,199
Ok, go!

920
01:09:50,792 --> 01:09:52,567
There must be another way

921
01:09:52,568 --> 01:09:54,595
Huh, I guess you won't do everything ...

922
01:09:54,596 --> 01:09:56,457
to take it all back, will you Gary?

923
01:09:56,600 --> 01:09:59,100
No, no, no ... wait ... hold on!

924
01:09:59,100 --> 01:10:03,100
You are saying if I do that you'll let me help the team?

925
01:10:04,300 --> 01:10:08,300
I will give you all the time I can!

926
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,800
Ok, let's do it!

927
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:14,900
Here we go.

928
01:10:14,900 --> 01:10:18,900
And go!

929
01:10:45,436 --> 01:10:49,582
You are dedicated. Now let's go get cleaned up!

930
01:10:49,583 --> 01:10:52,129
If you are going to storm Kim Jong-Il's palace single-handed...

931
01:10:52,130 --> 01:10:55,233
we have to make you a complete solider in very little time.

932
01:10:56,356 --> 01:10:58,139
How we gonna do that?

933
01:10:58,403 --> 01:11:02,700
I think I know just what we need.

934
01:11:05,807 --> 01:11:11,682
# The hours approaching, just give it your best.
You got to reach your prime. #

935
01:11:11,683 --> 01:11:15,003
# That's when you need to put yourself to the test #

936
01:11:15,004 --> 01:11:17,414
# and show us a passage of time~ #

937
01:11:17,415 --> 01:11:21,149
# We're going to need a montage~ #
# -montage~ #

938
01:11:21,150 --> 01:11:24,713
# - wu~ it takes a montage~ #
# - montage~ #

939
01:11:24,714 --> 01:11:27,534
# Sure a lot of things happening at once #

940
01:11:27,535 --> 01:11:31,291
# - With mind, everyone what's going on~ #
# - what's going on? #

941
01:11:31,292 --> 01:11:34,176
# And whith every shot you show a little improvement~ #

942
01:11:34,177 --> 01:11:36,497
# Just Show it or it will take to long~ #

943
01:11:36,498 --> 01:11:40,321
# - that's called a montage~ #
# - montage~ #

944
01:11:40,322 --> 01:11:43,944
# - Here we want montage~ #
# - montage~ #

945
01:11:43,945 --> 01:11:46,732
# And anything that we want to know~ #

946
01:11:46,733 --> 01:11:49,938
# from just a beginner to a pro~ #

947
01:11:49,939 --> 01:11:52,338
# - You need a montage~ #
# - montage~ #

948
01:11:52,339 --> 01:11:56,470
# - even rocky had a montage~ #
# - montage~ #

949
01:11:56,471 --> 01:12:02,479
# - Always fade out in a montage~ #
# - montage~ #

950
01:12:02,480 --> 01:12:09,545
# - If you fade out, it seem like more time has passed in a montage~ #
# - montage~ #

951
01:12:19,900 --> 01:12:21,900
Ladies and gentlemen ...

952
01:12:21,900 --> 01:12:24,958
the Film Actor Guild and Kim Jong-Il are pleased...

953
01:12:24,959 --> 01:12:30,399
to welcome you to the international world peace ceremony.

954
01:12:32,072 --> 01:12:34,357
The most important people form every country

955
01:12:34,358 --> 01:12:38,806
are gathered here in solidarity to celebrate peace.

956
01:12:39,184 --> 01:12:41,790
There will be music, dancing, and of course...

957
01:12:41,791 --> 01:12:44,419
the biggest stars in Hollywood!

958
01:12:44,900 --> 01:12:48,900
In the box to your left is the mastermind to this spectacular show.

959
01:12:49,500 --> 01:12:53,200
The multi-talented Kim Jong-Il

960
01:12:53,200 --> 01:12:56,013
Hello, hello.

961
01:12:56,522 --> 01:13:00,800
And now we present you the very best in Northern Korean Music.

962
01:13:20,500 --> 01:13:23,861
10 years of planning and finally the night is here.

963
01:13:23,862 --> 01:13:25,535
The terrorists know to be in position...

964
01:13:25,536 --> 01:13:27,996
by the time Alec Baldwin takes the stage.

965
01:13:28,242 --> 01:13:32,300
That's when I trigger all the WMDs to go up at the same time.

966
01:13:32,425 --> 01:13:34,121
When you see Alec Baldwin...

967
01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:38,224
You will see the true ugliness of human nature.

968
01:13:38,913 --> 01:13:41,965
Your plan will never work. Something will stop it.

969
01:13:43,188 --> 01:13:46,189
You stupid naive team Americans ...

970
01:13:46,190 --> 01:13:48,168
You believe in true ravin happy endings...

971
01:13:48,169 --> 01:13:51,370
even while the world around you spirals downward!

972
01:13:52,228 --> 01:13:56,498
Sometimes believing is all we have.

973
01:13:58,370 --> 01:14:00,577
And as the leaders of your countries ...

974
01:14:00,578 --> 01:14:02,835
you have the power to bring the world together...

975
01:14:02,836 --> 01:14:06,542
under the principles of the Film Actors Guild.

976
01:14:06,809 --> 01:14:10,207
You're gonna to knock 'em dead Alec.

977
01:14:10,207 --> 01:14:13,090
10 minutes Mr. Baldwin

978
01:14:22,904 --> 01:14:24,580
Who the hell are you?

979
01:14:24,727 --> 01:14:26,474
I am with the Film Actors Guild

980
01:14:26,475 --> 01:14:28,100
here to help the broadcast

981
01:14:28,100 --> 01:14:29,900
Then you show credentials?

982
01:14:29,900 --> 01:14:31,977
Hey! You don't need to see my credentials.

983
01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:34,160
I left them at home and I am running late.

984
01:14:35,204 --> 01:14:36,507
I believe him.

985
01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:37,826
Yeah, me too!

986
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:39,960
Ok let him go.

987
01:14:40,261 --> 01:14:43,603
My god, his acting is better than ever.

988
01:14:58,700 --> 01:15:02,700
Don't worry fellas, I've got my pass right here!

989
01:15:12,058 --> 01:15:13,912
Please Mr. Sheen and Mr. Robbins ...

990
01:15:13,913 --> 01:15:16,200
you don't understand what Kim Jong-Il is doing!

991
01:15:16,200 --> 01:15:19,958
Shut up we have explicit instructions to watch you.

992
01:15:19,959 --> 01:15:22,238
Yeah! we are supposed to be guards.

993
01:15:22,239 --> 01:15:23,151
We are guards.

994
01:15:23,152 --> 01:15:25,277
Guards, we are guards.

995
01:15:25,278 --> 01:15:27,100
We are guards.

996
01:15:27,100 --> 01:15:30,400
Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins! Someone has broken into the main hall.

997
01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:31,200
What?

998
01:15:31,200 --> 01:15:35,200
Come on Martin!

999
01:15:43,400 --> 01:15:44,700
Gary?

1000
01:15:44,700 --> 01:15:46,300
What the fuck are you doing here?

1001
01:15:46,300 --> 01:15:47,400
Guys, you're all right?

1002
01:15:47,400 --> 01:15:49,100
Where is Lisa?

1003
01:15:49,100 --> 01:15:51,600
What the heck do you care? You walked out on her.

1004
01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:53,200
Look, I wanna make things right.

1005
01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:55,100
Here, Spottswoode's monitoring from the base.

1006
01:15:55,100 --> 01:15:56,900
Spottswoode is dead Gary.

1007
01:15:56,900 --> 01:15:58,300
Not as dead as you think.

1008
01:15:58,300 --> 01:15:59,300
Spottswoode

1009
01:15:59,300 --> 01:16:01,700
Yes I am here, Joe.

1010
01:16:01,700 --> 01:16:03,600
All right you are alive.

1011
01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:05,400
Great to hear your voices again.

1012
01:16:05,400 --> 01:16:08,000
Now we've got to get Lisa and stop Kim Jong-Il.

1013
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:09,982
I am not going anywhere with this fucking traitor.

1014
01:16:09,982 --> 01:16:12,536
Yeah! What makes you think we'll take your backing? Douchebag?

1015
01:16:12,571 --> 01:16:13,775
We are doing this without you.

1016
01:16:13,899 --> 01:16:15,230
Now hold on team!

1017
01:16:15,231 --> 01:16:19,100
Gary has already proven to me that he is 100% committed to the team.

1018
01:16:19,100 --> 01:16:22,309
He proved it last night by sucking my cock.

1019
01:16:26,018 --> 01:16:30,200
All right...come on team we got to find that stage!

1020
01:16:30,200 --> 01:16:31,900
Look how much they love my show!

1021
01:16:31,900 --> 01:16:35,900
The entire audience is so captivated!

1022
01:16:41,700 --> 01:16:45,700
Now you see the new world is inevitable.

1023
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,600
It's what?

1024
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:49,700
Inev...inevitable...

1025
01:16:49,700 --> 01:16:50,600
One more time?

1026
01:16:50,600 --> 01:16:51,700
Inevitable!

1027
01:16:51,700 --> 01:16:54,500
Things are inevitably going to change!

1028
01:16:54,500 --> 01:16:57,059
God damn it! Open your fucking ears!

1029
01:16:59,122 --> 01:17:00,422
5 minutes Mr. Baldwin.

1030
01:17:00,566 --> 01:17:01,795
Thank you!

1031
01:17:01,796 --> 01:17:03,252
Alec! We have a problem!

1032
01:17:03,772 --> 01:17:05,644
Team America escaped.

1033
01:17:06,386 --> 01:17:07,200
What?

1034
01:17:07,200 --> 01:17:09,400
You fools they'll ruin everything

1035
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:12,078
We better warn everyone they will be headed here.

1036
01:17:12,079 --> 01:17:15,128
No! We can't look weak and powerless!

1037
01:17:15,129 --> 01:17:18,364
If violence is all those bastards understand then violence they'll get.

1038
01:17:18,673 --> 01:17:20,765
Every actor grab a gun and keep Team America...

1039
01:17:20,766 --> 01:17:23,114
from reaching this ceremony at all costs!

1040
01:17:28,270 --> 01:17:31,503
I swear they won't reach the stage.

1041
01:17:49,000 --> 01:17:49,947
Jesus!

1042
01:17:50,212 --> 01:17:51,020
What have we got?

1043
01:17:51,100 --> 01:17:53,941
Looks like George Clooney and Liv Tyler, 20 yards.

1044
01:17:55,585 --> 01:17:58,228
Look out, Ethan Hawke and Janeane Garofalo.

1045
01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:05,235
Drop your weapon!

1046
01:18:05,860 --> 01:18:07,588
Fucking die!

1047
01:18:09,944 --> 01:18:11,012
Got to split up!

1048
01:18:11,013 --> 01:18:12,162
Sarah you and Gary go that way!

1049
01:18:12,163 --> 01:18:13,208
Chris and I will go right.

1050
01:18:13,209 --> 01:18:17,224
No I think I'd rather team up with you Joe.

1051
01:18:18,632 --> 01:18:20,927
I guess you are with me cock fag.

1052
01:18:23,000 --> 01:18:23,850
Danny Glover

1053
01:18:23,851 --> 01:18:26,231
Come on Penn we must protect the show!

1054
01:18:26,266 --> 01:18:27,458
Right!

1055
01:18:28,242 --> 01:18:29,500
The stage must be that way-

1056
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:33,500
No Joe, Sarah it's a trap!

1057
01:18:37,500 --> 01:18:39,400
Very impressive war mongers.

1058
01:18:39,400 --> 01:18:43,400
Now let's see how Kim Jong-Il's panthers treat you.

1059
01:18:47,100 --> 01:18:51,100
I went to Iraq you know?

1060
01:18:54,797 --> 01:18:55,845
Susan Sarandon

1061
01:18:56,415 --> 01:18:58,900
Oh thank god. We have to stop the ceremony!

1062
01:18:58,900 --> 01:19:00,300
Kim Jong-Il is mad!

1063
01:19:00,300 --> 01:19:02,600
Here let me loose. I will show you where the theater is!

1064
01:19:02,600 --> 01:19:03,800
All right!

1065
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:05,300
No! Chris stay away from her!

1066
01:19:05,300 --> 01:19:06,000
Fuck you!

1067
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:07,100
She wants to help us.

1068
01:19:07,100 --> 01:19:08,500
No Chris.

1069
01:19:08,500 --> 01:19:09,500
She is acting.

1070
01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:12,000
I am not.

1071
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:14,901
The others tied me up because I won't go along with their plans!

1072
01:19:14,902 --> 01:19:17,500
Your skills are fading with age, Miss Sarandon.

1073
01:19:19,190 --> 01:19:23,200
You shall die a peasant's death!

1074
01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:33,400
Jesus titty fucking Christ!

1075
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:35,500
I could have sworn she was telling the truth!

1076
01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:37,100
That's why they call it acting.

1077
01:19:37,100 --> 01:19:39,569
Come on, we gotta find Lisa.

1078
01:19:39,570 --> 01:19:43,700
I was 19 year old when the musical Cats came to our town.

1079
01:19:43,900 --> 01:19:47,100
I couldn't wait to see it.

1080
01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:49,081
After the show I was asked if I wanted to go meet...

1081
01:19:49,082 --> 01:19:51,013
some of the performers backstage.

1082
01:19:51,700 --> 01:19:53,400
Man I was thrilled.

1083
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:55,074
But when I get back there ...

1084
01:19:55,075 --> 01:19:57,918
they were drunk and out of control.

1085
01:19:58,200 --> 01:20:01,800
Rumpus Cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg.

1086
01:20:01,542 --> 01:20:04,714
I tried to leave but Rumpleteaser held me down and...

1087
01:20:06,580 --> 01:20:11,068
I was raped by Mr.Mistoffeles.

1088
01:20:13,623 --> 01:20:17,620
That's why you don't trust actors.

1089
01:20:19,693 --> 01:20:22,200
I am sorry I've been so hard on you.

1090
01:20:22,149 --> 01:20:24,181
If there is still a world left after this is all over

1091
01:20:24,182 --> 01:20:26,926
I'd like to buy you are a beer.

1092
01:20:29,632 --> 01:20:33,530
Come on let's go! We are running out of time.

1093
01:20:36,055 --> 01:20:40,200
Sarah, before we die I want to finally tell you that I love you.

1094
01:20:41,500 --> 01:20:45,500
No no I am not going to let it end like this!

1095
01:20:45,900 --> 01:20:49,637
We are not your enemy, furry ones. You will not attack us.

1096
01:20:49,638 --> 01:20:51,265
Sarah, that isn't going to work.

1097
01:20:51,266 --> 01:20:53,561
You don't really have mental powers.

1098
01:20:53,562 --> 01:20:55,762
Your captors are behind you Shibas.

1099
01:20:55,763 --> 01:20:57,863
Show your anger to them.

1100
01:21:11,100 --> 01:21:12,400
Oh no.

1101
01:21:12,400 --> 01:21:16,400
No, no.

1102
01:21:19,000 --> 01:21:23,000
Sarah you did it.

1103
01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:26,800
Wait! Hold on!

1104
01:21:26,800 --> 01:21:29,300
Spottswoode, I think we just found the entrance to the theater.

1105
01:21:29,300 --> 01:21:30,858
Have Sarah and Joe lock on...Oh!

1106
01:21:32,060 --> 01:21:32,675
Gary

1107
01:21:32,900 --> 01:21:34,566
Huh, I guess you won't do everything ...

1108
01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:36,200
Actors, halt!

1109
01:21:36,200 --> 01:21:37,600
Helen Hunt

1110
01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:39,300
Samuel L. Jackson

1111
01:21:39,300 --> 01:21:42,439
Matt Damon

1112
01:21:42,775 --> 01:21:44,238
Motherfucker!

1113
01:21:46,330 --> 01:21:48,368
Gary, Chris, come in!

1114
01:21:50,195 --> 01:21:55,000
And now Ladies and Gentlemen ... Mr. Alec Baldwin.

1115
01:22:07,076 --> 01:22:09,921
We are here to usher in a new era without violence.

1116
01:22:09,922 --> 01:22:12,693
By following the rules of the Film Actors Guild

1117
01:22:12,694 --> 01:22:15,200
the world can become a better place

1118
01:22:15,200 --> 01:22:19,098
that handles dangerous people with talk and reasoning

1119
01:22:19,400 --> 01:22:23,022
That is the FAG way.

1120
01:22:23,022 --> 01:22:27,400
One day you will look at the world that us actors created and say:

1121
01:22:27,500 --> 01:22:33,570
"Wa, good going FAG! You really made the world a better place.

1122
01:22:33,600 --> 01:22:35,360
Didn't you FAG?

1123
01:22:35,361 --> 01:22:37,700
Yeah, Alec Baldwin.

1124
01:22:37,701 --> 01:22:40,200
Too bad there won't be a world left.

1125
01:22:40,200 --> 01:22:42,130
Oh god, no!

1126
01:22:42,267 --> 01:22:47,000
You see, no prince charming rode in on a white stallion to save the day.

1127
01:22:47,458 --> 01:22:49,180
This is the real world.

1128
01:22:50,134 --> 01:22:54,262
I am afraid your world is over ...

1129
01:22:54,263 --> 01:22:55,930
In 5 minutes!

1130
01:22:58,805 --> 01:23:01,700
Yes the ticking clock.

1131
01:23:03,640 --> 01:23:08,000
Sorry Team America but you see ... we must live in a time of peace.

1132
01:23:08,496 --> 01:23:10,961
Put down the gas can now!

1133
01:23:11,196 --> 01:23:12,704
Kill them!

1134
01:23:16,792 --> 01:23:18,733
Jackson

1135
01:23:20,900 --> 01:23:24,900
Team, you've got to hurry.

1136
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:31,700
Let's go bitch! I've done action films.

1137
01:23:31,700 --> 01:23:35,700
Come on!

1138
01:23:55,341 --> 01:23:57,181
Matt Damon

1139
01:24:07,705 --> 01:24:10,916
Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!

1140
01:24:17,067 --> 01:24:19,218
Don't fucking move!

1141
01:24:19,489 --> 01:24:23,900
Now isn't that a shame? You came so close to stopping peace ...

1142
01:24:24,000 --> 01:24:27,100
but you see peace always finds a way.

1143
01:24:27,100 --> 01:24:29,012
Goodbye Team America.

1144
01:24:29,241 --> 01:24:32,353
I've just got one piece of bad news for you Robbins.

1145
01:24:32,354 --> 01:24:34,400
What's that?

1146
01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:38,400
I am a smoker.

1147
01:24:54,504 --> 01:24:55,862
Now that the world is going to be run peacefully ...

1148
01:24:55,863 --> 01:24:58,525
we should all drive hybird cars.

1149
01:24:58,525 --> 01:25:00,723
Right now families are gathering in parks,

1150
01:25:00,724 --> 01:25:02,555
children are walking to school,

1151
01:25:02,700 --> 01:25:04,570
friends are sitting in movie theaters.

1152
01:25:04,571 --> 01:25:08,897
all completely unaware that the world is about to change forever.

1153
01:25:09,331 --> 01:25:11,643
All because of me!

1154
01:25:13,912 --> 01:25:17,400
Stop that man!

1155
01:25:17,400 --> 01:25:19,200
Gary

1156
01:25:19,200 --> 01:25:20,700
Team America?

1157
01:25:20,700 --> 01:25:22,100
God damn it!

1158
01:25:22,100 --> 01:25:23,558
Sorry to interrupt the show everyone

1159
01:25:23,559 --> 01:25:25,439
but Kim Jong-Il is an international criminal!

1160
01:25:25,440 --> 01:25:26,996
We are here to arrest him!

1161
01:25:26,997 --> 01:25:28,701
Oh no you are not!

1162
01:25:28,702 --> 01:25:33,100
This is a peace conference and if you even try to touch Kim Jong-Il,

1163
01:25:34,200 --> 01:25:38,200
this audience and I will rise up against you.

1164
01:25:41,539 --> 01:25:42,442
Team there is no time!

1165
01:25:42,443 --> 01:25:45,613
You have to convince that audience to let you do your job!

1166
01:25:48,000 --> 01:25:50,189
Gary you've got to take the stage.

1167
01:25:50,234 --> 01:25:52,560
No, I can't upstage Alec Baldwin...

1168
01:25:52,561 --> 01:25:54,203
He is the best actor in the world!

1169
01:25:54,204 --> 01:25:55,900
You have to try.

1170
01:25:55,734 --> 01:25:57,399
I am not that good.

1171
01:25:57,600 --> 01:26:01,600
Actually! You are the finest actor I've never met.

1172
01:26:10,438 --> 01:26:14,500
Come on Gary! Hurry, you've got to act fast.

1173
01:26:16,749 --> 01:26:20,800
I know you all don't like Team America a whole lot right now but ...

1174
01:26:20,800 --> 01:26:24,800
Kim Jong-Il is a lot worse.

1175
01:26:26,300 --> 01:26:29,800
You can't outact me boy. Don't even try!

1176
01:26:29,800 --> 01:26:31,940
For the truth is that Team America fights...

1177
01:26:31,941 --> 01:26:34,281
for the billion dollar corporations!

1178
01:26:34,561 --> 01:26:40,246
They are just as bad as the enemies they fight.

1179
01:26:42,841 --> 01:26:44,354
No we aren't!

1180
01:26:44,355 --> 01:26:46,419
We are dicks!

1181
01:26:50,764 --> 01:26:54,800
We are reckless arrogent stupid dicks.

1182
01:26:55,800 --> 01:26:59,800
And the Film Actors Guild are pussies.

1183
01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:05,400
And Kim Jong-Il is an asshole.

1184
01:27:07,200 --> 01:27:09,300
Pussies don't like dicks

1185
01:27:09,300 --> 01:27:12,200
because pussies get fucked by dicks.

1186
01:27:12,200 --> 01:27:16,200
But dicks also fuck assholes.

1187
01:27:16,300 --> 01:27:20,000
Assholes who just want to shit on everything.

1188
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:23,400
Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way.

1189
01:27:23,400 --> 01:27:25,224
But the only thing that can fuck an asshole...

1190
01:27:25,225 --> 01:27:29,026
is a dick...with some balls.

1191
01:27:32,100 --> 01:27:33,363
The problem with dicks...

1192
01:27:33,364 --> 01:27:35,733
is sometimes they fuck too much!

1193
01:27:35,734 --> 01:27:38,307
Or fuck what isn't appropiate...

1194
01:27:38,308 --> 01:27:41,000
Yes Gary, yes!

1195
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:44,100
And it takes a pussy to show him that.

1196
01:27:44,100 --> 01:27:46,119
But sometimes pussies get so full of shit...

1197
01:27:46,120 --> 01:27:48,328
that they become assholes themselves!

1198
01:27:49,191 --> 01:27:53,500
Because pussies are only an inch and half away form assholes.

1199
01:27:55,000 --> 01:27:57,811
I don't know much in this crazy crazy world...

1200
01:27:57,812 --> 01:28:00,011
but I do know ...

1201
01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:04,400
that if you don't let us fuck this asshole,

1202
01:28:04,700 --> 01:28:08,700
we are going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.

1203
01:28:27,700 --> 01:28:31,700
Stop what you are doing Kim Jong-Il!

1204
01:28:32,000 --> 01:28:35,200
Do something Alec Baldwin!

1205
01:28:35,200 --> 01:28:39,200
The global warming and corporate America ...

1206
01:28:39,700 --> 01:28:43,700
Fire you! You are worthless Alec Baldwin!

1207
01:28:53,180 --> 01:28:54,293
Don't fucking move!

1208
01:28:54,294 --> 01:28:57,023
You were all going to be treated to a fabulous show!

1209
01:28:57,099 --> 01:29:00,640
- But now party is over for I am the great Kim Jong-Il.
- Lisa!

1210
01:29:01,000 --> 01:29:05,000
And I am the greatest terrorist ever to have lived.

1211
01:29:05,400 --> 01:29:09,400
Terrorize this!

1212
01:29:22,500 --> 01:29:23,500
Lisa, are you ok?

1213
01:29:23,500 --> 01:29:26,600
No Gary. The coundown - you have to stop it.

1214
01:29:26,600 --> 01:29:27,700
What do I do?

1215
01:29:27,700 --> 01:29:31,700
Hit the big cancel button!

1216
01:29:36,300 --> 01:29:38,000
Gary, how did you manage this?

1217
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:38,900
Spottswoode helped me.

1218
01:29:38,900 --> 01:29:39,800
Spottswoode?

1219
01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:41,000
He is alive?

1220
01:29:41,000 --> 01:29:43,269
Lisa ... I am crazy about you!

1221
01:29:43,270 --> 01:29:45,005
- Will you please forgive me If I can just ...
- Shhh!

1222
01:29:45,195 --> 01:29:47,978
You had me a dicks fuck assholes.

1223
01:29:48,687 --> 01:29:51,549
Attention! Attention Everyone!

1224
01:29:51,550 --> 01:29:54,243
All of you in the audience should go to your homes now.

1225
01:29:54,400 --> 01:29:55,692
Your countries need you!

1226
01:29:55,866 --> 01:29:57,406
But the world will be safe!

1227
01:29:57,667 --> 01:29:58,989
Thanks to a briliant actor...

1228
01:29:58,990 --> 01:30:03,500
named Gary Johnston.

1229
01:30:20,527 --> 01:30:23,247
Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is.

1230
01:30:24,030 --> 01:30:24,975
He is a man who knows...

1231
01:30:24,976 --> 01:30:26,910
that when you put another man's cock in your mouth...

1232
01:30:26,911 --> 01:30:27,911
you make a pact!

1233
01:30:28,385 --> 01:30:30,301
A bond that cannot be broken!


1234
01:30:30,963 --> 01:30:32,310
He is the man so dedicated...


1235
01:30:32,311 --> 01:30:33,825
that he will get down on his knees...


1236
01:30:33,826 --> 01:30:35,945
and put that cock right into his mouth!


1237
01:30:38,302 --> 01:30:39,800
Wait a minute! Look!


1238
01:30:45,479 --> 01:30:48,800
You have not had the last of Kim Jong-Il.


1239
01:30:48,800 --> 01:30:52,100
I will return.


1240
01:30:52,100 --> 01:30:56,100
You shall see, I will be back.


1241
01:31:01,400 --> 01:31:04,664
So long earthlings!


1242
01:31:06,400 --> 01:31:09,500
We'll be here waiting for you, Kim Jong-Il.


1243
01:31:09,500 --> 01:31:11,300
All right you guys. I hate to break up this little party


1244
01:31:11,300 --> 01:31:14,100
but there is still a lot of bad guys out there.


1245
01:31:14,100 --> 01:31:18,100
Well then let's go show the bad guys that the police are back in force.


1246
01:31:18,500 --> 01:31:24,200
Fuck yeah!


1247
01:31:24,201 --> 01:31:28,200
-=TLF-DivX subTeam=-
Listening (English subtitle): rasputin
Listenin/Translation/Adjusting: KeKe

1248
01:31:28,201 --> 01:31:32,200
improved by curious


1249
01:31:32,201 --> 01:31:43,309
TLF subTeam Presents. Thank you for viewing
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