1 00:00:49,203 --> 00:00:51,433 FILM NARRATOR: Welcome to Sheffield... 2 00:00:51,472 --> 00:00:54,236 the beating heart of Britain's industrial North. 3 00:00:55,242 --> 00:00:56,800 The jewel in Yorkshire's crown... 4 00:00:56,844 --> 00:00:58,835 is home to over half a million people... 5 00:00:58,879 --> 00:01:03,111 and thousands more flock here daily to shop and to work. 6 00:01:04,318 --> 00:01:07,810 All this is built on Sheffield's primary industry--steel. 7 00:01:09,023 --> 00:01:12,515 The city's rolling mills, forges, and workshops... 8 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,223 employ some 90,000 men and state-of-the-art machinery... 9 00:01:16,263 --> 00:01:19,027 to make the world's finest steel-- 10 00:01:19,066 --> 00:01:22,229 from high-tensile girders to the stainless cutlery... 11 00:01:22,269 --> 00:01:24,328 that ends up on your dining table. 12 00:01:25,239 --> 00:01:27,537 But it's not all hard work for the people of Steel City. 13 00:01:27,575 --> 00:01:31,136 They can spend the day lounging by the pool... 14 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:33,908 watching one of our top soccer teams... 15 00:01:33,948 --> 00:01:35,745 or browsing in the shops. 16 00:01:40,221 --> 00:01:43,520 But when the sun goes down, the fun really starts... 17 00:01:43,557 --> 00:01:46,822 in the city's numerous nightclubs and discotheques. 18 00:01:46,861 --> 00:01:50,319 yes, Yorkshire folk know how to have a good time... 19 00:01:50,364 --> 00:01:53,697 and it's good times for the city's housing, too. 20 00:01:53,734 --> 00:01:56,100 Sheffield leads the way in town planning. 21 00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:57,695 Victorian slums have been cleared... 22 00:01:57,738 --> 00:02:00,138 to make way for the homes of the future. 23 00:02:03,077 --> 00:02:05,307 Thanks to steel... 24 00:02:05,346 --> 00:02:09,806 Sheffield really is a city on the move. 25 00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:33,137 DAVE: Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder? 26 00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:34,368 GAZ: Come on. 27 00:02:34,408 --> 00:02:35,636 NATHAN: Dad, it's stealing. 28 00:02:35,676 --> 00:02:38,474 GAZ: No. It's liberating, luv. Liberating. 29 00:02:38,512 --> 00:02:39,945 DAVE: Gaz, hang on. 30 00:02:41,882 --> 00:02:44,544 GAZ: Ten years we worked in here, and now look. 31 00:02:45,886 --> 00:02:47,217 NATHAN: What if we get caught? 32 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:48,812 GAZ: you don't get a criminal record till you're sixteen. 33 00:02:48,856 --> 00:02:51,120 -Just don't tell your mom. -Hey, listen. 34 00:02:52,727 --> 00:02:54,092 DAVE: Music. 35 00:02:54,128 --> 00:02:55,288 NATHAN: yeah. 36 00:02:56,397 --> 00:02:58,763 [Playing slow march] 37 00:02:58,799 --> 00:03:00,391 GAZ: Bloody hell. 38 00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:08,069 GAZ: What are they doing? 39 00:03:08,109 --> 00:03:10,771 NATHAN: It's the factory band. They're still going. 40 00:03:10,811 --> 00:03:12,608 DAVE: About the only thing around here that is. 41 00:03:15,916 --> 00:03:17,747 Eh up, security guard's back. 42 00:03:17,785 --> 00:03:19,650 [Door closing] 43 00:03:26,794 --> 00:03:28,728 DAVE: "Won't take a minute," he says. 44 00:03:28,763 --> 00:03:31,459 "Won't take a minute." Now what? 45 00:03:31,499 --> 00:03:32,796 GAZ: Shut up. I'm thinking. 46 00:03:34,769 --> 00:03:36,964 NATHAN: Can't we do normal things sometimes? 47 00:03:37,004 --> 00:03:39,302 GAZ: What's up with you? This is normal. 48 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:41,433 DAVE: Oh, aye, everyday stuff, this. 49 00:03:41,475 --> 00:03:43,500 I think this bugger's sinking. 50 00:03:44,645 --> 00:03:46,306 GAZ: Right. Now pick it up... 51 00:03:46,347 --> 00:03:48,747 and try and slide it across other side. 52 00:03:48,783 --> 00:03:49,807 That's it. 53 00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:52,944 Oh, fucking hell, Nathe! 54 00:03:52,987 --> 00:03:54,716 They're twenty quid each, them. 55 00:03:55,556 --> 00:03:57,786 That were your bloody maintenance, were that. 56 00:03:57,825 --> 00:03:59,190 Oh, shit. 57 00:03:59,226 --> 00:04:00,523 DAVE: Oh, nice one. 58 00:04:00,561 --> 00:04:02,392 GAZ: Nathe. 59 00:04:02,429 --> 00:04:03,691 Nathan. 60 00:04:03,731 --> 00:04:05,426 Fuckin' hell! 61 00:04:05,466 --> 00:04:06,660 DAVE: Come here, come here. 62 00:04:07,568 --> 00:04:09,468 GAZ: Jesus, stay still. 63 00:04:09,503 --> 00:04:11,027 Stay still, stay still. 64 00:04:12,306 --> 00:04:13,705 All right. 65 00:04:14,942 --> 00:04:18,275 DAVE: What's your initiative say about this, bog eyes? 66 00:04:21,115 --> 00:04:22,776 GAZ: Eh up. Someone coming. 67 00:04:24,552 --> 00:04:25,678 MAN: All right? 68 00:04:25,719 --> 00:04:27,550 GAZ: Ah, not so bad. 69 00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:31,890 DAVE: Not so bad? Not so bad? 70 00:04:31,926 --> 00:04:33,860 That's not much of a chuffing SOS, is it? 71 00:04:33,894 --> 00:04:35,589 GAZ: All right, don't get a benny on. 72 00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:40,393 Shit. 73 00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:49,299 DAVE: My jeans are bloody soaking. 74 00:04:49,343 --> 00:04:52,107 GAZ: Should have taken your kit off. you shy? 75 00:04:52,146 --> 00:04:53,738 DAVE: Don't. Just shut it, all right? 76 00:04:53,781 --> 00:04:55,009 [Gaz laughs] 77 00:04:55,049 --> 00:04:56,346 DAVE: Ohh. 78 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,714 GAZ: Eh up, Dave. 79 00:04:57,751 --> 00:04:59,719 -All right, babe. -Dad. 80 00:04:59,753 --> 00:05:03,814 -What do you reckon, Dave? -Eight, maybe a nine. 81 00:05:03,858 --> 00:05:05,689 GAZ: you can never tell till you see their tits, can you? 82 00:05:05,726 --> 00:05:07,751 -Dad! -What's all this, then? 83 00:05:07,795 --> 00:05:09,592 NATHAN: It's them Chippendale efforts. 84 00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:10,961 GAZ: What? 85 00:05:10,998 --> 00:05:13,398 NATHAN: Them dancers. Mum were going on about it. 86 00:05:13,434 --> 00:05:15,959 GAZ: Aw, you're joking. She must be getting desperate. 87 00:05:16,003 --> 00:05:17,129 DAVE: Away, Gaz. 88 00:05:17,171 --> 00:05:18,934 you all waiting for me, then? 89 00:05:18,973 --> 00:05:20,406 WOMAN: yeah, to go home. 90 00:05:20,441 --> 00:05:23,308 GAZ: you know where to find me when you're tired of them poofs. 91 00:05:23,344 --> 00:05:25,812 DAVE: Gaz, I'm freezing. 92 00:05:26,647 --> 00:05:29,673 GAZ: "Women only"? Cheeky buggers. 93 00:05:29,717 --> 00:05:31,776 It's a bloody working men's club. 94 00:05:31,819 --> 00:05:34,253 I mean, look at the state of that. 95 00:05:34,288 --> 00:05:35,619 I don't know what you've got to smile about. 96 00:05:35,656 --> 00:05:37,988 I mean, he's got no willy for starters, has he? 97 00:05:38,025 --> 00:05:40,357 There's nowt in the gym that'll help you there, mate. 98 00:05:41,295 --> 00:05:43,229 No decent woman would be seen dead in there. 99 00:05:43,264 --> 00:05:45,289 Jean would. 100 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,895 Oh, Dave, what's going on? 101 00:05:49,203 --> 00:05:50,329 It's her money, isn't it? 102 00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:52,134 Fucking hell. you gonna just stand there... 103 00:05:52,172 --> 00:05:55,005 while some poof's waving his tackle at your missis? 104 00:05:55,042 --> 00:05:57,476 Where's your pride, man? She's already got you hoovering. 105 00:05:57,511 --> 00:06:00,912 I saw it, and I let it go. But this, no, no, no. 106 00:06:00,948 --> 00:06:02,711 you get her out of there and tell her what for. 107 00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:03,910 NATHAN: He can't. It's women only. 108 00:06:07,121 --> 00:06:09,385 DAVE: Just hurry up, will you? Me feet have gone numb. 109 00:06:09,423 --> 00:06:10,890 GAZ: That's gratitude for you. 110 00:06:10,925 --> 00:06:13,758 We're riding into "Alley of Death" for you, you fat git. 111 00:06:13,794 --> 00:06:16,126 DAVE: It's not my fault I can't fit through, is it? 112 00:06:17,665 --> 00:06:18,893 GAZ: All right, then. 113 00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:20,400 I'll be waiting here, keeping guard. 114 00:06:20,434 --> 00:06:24,165 you tell Auntie Jean Uncle Dave wants a word outside, all right? 115 00:06:24,204 --> 00:06:27,105 -Do I have to? -Good kid. On you go. 116 00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:28,608 [Music playing] 117 00:06:28,642 --> 00:06:30,769 [Cheering] 118 00:06:46,527 --> 00:06:49,223 WOMEN: Off! Off! Off! Off! 119 00:06:59,206 --> 00:07:01,970 JEAN: Ooh, I'm not waiting in that bloody queue. 120 00:07:02,009 --> 00:07:04,569 SHARON: I've always wanted a nosey in the men's toilet. 121 00:07:04,611 --> 00:07:06,579 BEE: Phoor, them bloody muscles. 122 00:07:06,613 --> 00:07:08,171 JEAN: No, no, it's not their bodies, Bee. 123 00:07:08,215 --> 00:07:09,682 It's what they do with them that counts. 124 00:07:09,717 --> 00:07:11,344 SHARON: I don't know what you're worrying about... 125 00:07:11,385 --> 00:07:14,115 you-know-who on your tail. 126 00:07:14,154 --> 00:07:17,351 BEE SINGING: Frankie, do you want my body? 127 00:07:17,391 --> 00:07:19,256 JEAN: Hey, Frank don't fancy me... 128 00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:22,456 and I don't fancy Frank, so bloody well give over. 129 00:07:24,732 --> 00:07:26,290 Do you think he might, though? 130 00:07:30,304 --> 00:07:32,704 No, couldn't do that to Dave. 131 00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:35,709 Not even if I wanted to. 132 00:07:36,777 --> 00:07:39,644 But it's like he's given up. 133 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,309 Work, me, everything. 134 00:07:43,350 --> 00:07:44,510 Ah, luv. 135 00:07:45,486 --> 00:07:47,181 Here, luv, this'll cheer you up. 136 00:07:51,725 --> 00:07:53,317 [Urinating] 137 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,884 [Women laughing] 138 00:07:54,928 --> 00:07:57,522 BEE: I weren't in Girl Scouts for nothing. 139 00:08:15,115 --> 00:08:16,582 DAVE: Gaz. 140 00:08:16,617 --> 00:08:19,279 Gaz. That were our Jean, weren't it? 141 00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:21,981 GAZ: No, no. Just a couple of old tarts. 142 00:08:22,022 --> 00:08:23,353 Going back in for Nathe. 143 00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:26,689 [Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" plays] 144 00:08:28,162 --> 00:08:30,426 GAZ: you're in big trouble. 145 00:08:30,464 --> 00:08:32,864 NATHAN: What about Auntie Jean? 146 00:08:35,869 --> 00:08:38,099 GAZ: Auntie Jean's busy. 147 00:08:47,481 --> 00:08:48,948 NATHAN: I don't feel well. 148 00:08:48,982 --> 00:08:50,882 GAZ: Of course you don't. you've got an hangover. 149 00:08:50,918 --> 00:08:52,852 Take a day off. Hang about at home. 150 00:08:52,886 --> 00:08:56,083 NATHAN: your house is messy. It's cold and all. 151 00:08:56,123 --> 00:08:58,523 GAZ: Then come down Jobclub. That'll be a right laugh. 152 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:00,026 NATHAN: Mum's house is always warm. 153 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:02,858 GAZ: I can't always have the red carpet out for you. 154 00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:04,261 Anyway, it's not your mum's house. 155 00:09:04,298 --> 00:09:07,290 It's what's-his-name--Barry's. 156 00:09:07,334 --> 00:09:08,494 Tell you what. 157 00:09:08,535 --> 00:09:10,127 Next weekend, I'll have a big tidy around. 158 00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:12,365 I promise. Even go and see a footie game. 159 00:09:12,406 --> 00:09:13,532 NATHAN: yeah? 160 00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:15,565 GAZ: yeah. Sunday League going down the park... 161 00:09:15,609 --> 00:09:17,338 has got some right good players. 162 00:09:17,377 --> 00:09:20,244 NATHAN: United playing Man U, aren't they? 163 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,578 GAZ: Oh, Nathe, you know I can't stretch to that. 164 00:09:22,616 --> 00:09:25,551 NATHAN: you're always making me do stupid stuff. 165 00:09:25,586 --> 00:09:27,383 Other dads don't do that. 166 00:09:28,455 --> 00:09:31,083 GAZ: Don't they? Aye. 167 00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:32,387 NATHAN: Aye. 168 00:09:36,029 --> 00:09:37,189 GAZ: Hey, Nathe. 169 00:09:37,231 --> 00:09:38,858 We could try and sneak into Man U. 170 00:09:38,899 --> 00:09:40,764 Terry were telling us about this gap in fence. 171 00:09:40,801 --> 00:09:41,927 NATHAN: No! 172 00:09:41,969 --> 00:09:44,995 GAZ: All right. I'll get tickets. I will. 173 00:09:45,038 --> 00:09:47,973 Ooh, ah, Cantona, has to wear a girlie bra. 174 00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:51,976 Stuff 'em, Nathe. 175 00:09:55,149 --> 00:09:56,309 Fuck. 176 00:10:01,822 --> 00:10:03,949 MANAGER: I want your application letters finished... 177 00:10:03,991 --> 00:10:05,253 by the time I get back, right? 178 00:10:05,292 --> 00:10:08,819 Any problems, I'm outside. 179 00:10:15,869 --> 00:10:19,327 GAZ: I tell you, when women start pissing like us... 180 00:10:19,373 --> 00:10:20,533 that's it. 181 00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:22,434 We're finished, Dave. 182 00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:24,000 Extincto. 183 00:10:24,745 --> 00:10:27,612 DAVE: yeah, I mean, how? 184 00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:29,275 you know? 185 00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:31,341 TERRY: Genetic mutations, isn't it? 186 00:10:31,385 --> 00:10:32,511 They're turning into us. 187 00:10:32,553 --> 00:10:35,113 GAZ: A few years, and men won't exist... 188 00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:37,055 except in a zoo or something. 189 00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:39,285 We're not needed no more, are we? 190 00:10:39,326 --> 00:10:42,989 Obsolete. Dinosaurs. 191 00:10:43,030 --> 00:10:44,520 yesterday's news. 192 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,093 Like skateboards. 193 00:10:49,970 --> 00:10:52,461 GERALD: Button it. Some of us are trying to get a job. 194 00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:54,098 Hey, it says no smoking in here. 195 00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:56,132 GAZ: Oh, and it says Jobclub up there... 196 00:10:56,176 --> 00:10:58,644 and when were the last time you saw one of them walk in? 197 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,844 you forget, Gerald, you're not our foreman anymore. 198 00:11:03,517 --> 00:11:06,884 you're just like the rest of us--scrap. 199 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,512 Shut it, right? 200 00:11:10,824 --> 00:11:12,485 DAVE: Hang on, then. 201 00:11:12,526 --> 00:11:15,222 Why were all them women in working men's club? 202 00:11:15,262 --> 00:11:19,130 Now, then, because of us--men. 203 00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:21,134 GAZ: you call them Chippendales men? 204 00:11:21,168 --> 00:11:22,795 Degrading, that's what it were. 205 00:11:22,836 --> 00:11:24,895 How many lasses were there, though? 206 00:11:25,806 --> 00:11:27,797 Thousands, baying for blood. 207 00:11:27,841 --> 00:11:31,277 Ten quid to watch some fucking poof get his kit off. 208 00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:34,007 DAVE: Right. Times ten quid by a thousand, right? 209 00:11:34,047 --> 00:11:35,480 And you've got... 210 00:11:37,651 --> 00:11:39,482 yeah, well, a lot--a very lot. 211 00:11:40,954 --> 00:11:42,319 Ten thousand quid. 212 00:11:44,858 --> 00:11:47,554 -How much? -Ten thousand quid. 213 00:11:51,231 --> 00:11:55,292 Hey, now, Dave, it's worth a thought, though, isn't it? 214 00:11:57,037 --> 00:11:58,800 GERALD: Oh, aye. Could just see Little and Large... 215 00:11:58,839 --> 00:12:01,467 prancing around Sheffield with their widgers hanging out. 216 00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:03,100 Now that would be worth ten quid. 217 00:12:03,143 --> 00:12:05,407 GAZ: Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying-- 218 00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:08,346 GERALD: Widgers on parade. Bring your own microscope. 219 00:12:08,382 --> 00:12:10,782 I don't see why the chuff not, Gerald. 220 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:13,047 Because you're fat, and he's thin... 221 00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,610 and you're both fucking ugly. 222 00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,850 GAZ: Fucking bastard. 223 00:12:31,038 --> 00:12:32,938 GAZ: What's all this about sole custody? 224 00:12:32,973 --> 00:12:34,201 you know what it is, Gary. 225 00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:36,094 If you want joint custody, you have to pay your share-- 226 00:12:36,227 --> 00:12:37,125 seven hundred quid. 227 00:12:37,162 --> 00:12:39,426 I'm on dole, in case you hadn't noticed. 228 00:12:39,464 --> 00:12:41,398 Then get a job. I'll get you a job. 229 00:12:41,432 --> 00:12:43,992 At two pound fifty an hour in black hole of fucking Calcutta? 230 00:12:44,035 --> 00:12:45,832 No, thank you. 231 00:12:45,870 --> 00:12:48,338 Fine. If you want to go off and play your games, Gary... 232 00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:50,841 then you do that, but Nathan's gonna have two parents. 233 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,866 GAZ: your bloody live-in lover's gonna do that, is he? 234 00:12:52,911 --> 00:12:55,573 Abracadabra. Here he is. Evening, Barry. 235 00:12:55,613 --> 00:12:58,241 That'll be for court to decide. 236 00:12:58,283 --> 00:13:00,683 No, it won't. Nathan's yours and he's mine... 237 00:13:00,718 --> 00:13:02,413 and he's fuck all to do with him ! 238 00:13:02,453 --> 00:13:03,579 BARRY: As if you've ever given a toss. 239 00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:05,020 MANDY: Face it, Gary. 240 00:13:05,056 --> 00:13:07,183 He don't even like staying at your house. 241 00:13:07,225 --> 00:13:10,285 Of course he bloody does. Ask him. 242 00:13:11,129 --> 00:13:12,460 Ask him. 243 00:13:12,497 --> 00:13:15,022 Nathe, we have a laugh, don't we, kid? 244 00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:16,727 Gary, don't. 245 00:13:16,768 --> 00:13:19,293 GAZ: Is he in? Is he in?! 246 00:13:19,337 --> 00:13:21,532 Nathe! 247 00:13:23,374 --> 00:13:26,207 Well, he can't hear you through your triple bloody glazing. 248 00:13:26,244 --> 00:13:28,212 MANDY: He can hear, all right. 249 00:13:29,581 --> 00:13:31,242 This is all wrong, this is. 250 00:13:31,282 --> 00:13:33,250 It's all to fucking cock. 251 00:13:33,284 --> 00:13:36,481 I'm his dad, and you, you're nobody. 252 00:13:36,521 --> 00:13:38,011 Yorkshire: Good night, Gary. 253 00:13:50,969 --> 00:13:52,596 GAZ: Night, Nathe. 254 00:13:54,138 --> 00:13:55,628 See you, kid. 255 00:14:05,316 --> 00:14:07,750 DAVE: No, not doing it. I'm not stripping. 256 00:14:07,785 --> 00:14:09,878 GAZ: Dave, they're taking him away. 257 00:14:09,921 --> 00:14:12,253 All I need is seven hundred quid. 258 00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,723 DAVE: Gaz, no. 259 00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,123 GAZ: Dave, he's me kid. 260 00:14:16,227 --> 00:14:17,751 I suppose there's nicking cars. 261 00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:19,854 -No. -Well, then? 262 00:14:20,832 --> 00:14:23,699 DAVE: Look, I'll help. I'm running now, aren't l? 263 00:14:23,735 --> 00:14:26,067 But I'm taking nowt off, final. 264 00:14:26,104 --> 00:14:27,867 GAZ: Come on, Dave. Don't stop now. 265 00:14:27,906 --> 00:14:29,601 Keep up, you fat bastard. 266 00:14:29,641 --> 00:14:31,268 DAVE: Gazza, you tosser. 267 00:14:31,309 --> 00:14:33,300 [Ignition on car tries to turn over] 268 00:14:40,652 --> 00:14:42,085 DAVE: you need a hand? 269 00:14:50,595 --> 00:14:52,825 yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon. 270 00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:56,393 Give it a go at that. 271 00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:57,560 [Engine starts] 272 00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:07,173 DAVE: Didn't you work at Harrisons before it shut down? 273 00:15:07,211 --> 00:15:09,441 yeah, thought I clocked you. 274 00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:12,976 I were on't floor with Gaz, him up the road. 275 00:15:14,185 --> 00:15:15,345 How's it going, then? 276 00:15:16,788 --> 00:15:18,278 you got any work? 277 00:15:21,092 --> 00:15:22,684 No, there's not a lot about, is there? 278 00:15:22,727 --> 00:15:25,924 Like I say, get some new ones when you get the chance. 279 00:15:27,131 --> 00:15:29,292 No, no, my chuffing pleasure. 280 00:15:40,545 --> 00:15:41,705 GAZ: Dave? 281 00:15:53,658 --> 00:15:55,922 -Are you all right, kid? -you bastard. 282 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,359 [Lomper coughing] 283 00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:03,229 LOMPER: Hey, hey! 284 00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:04,598 [Pounding on window] 285 00:16:16,981 --> 00:16:18,915 you could shoot yourself. 286 00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:21,282 GAZ: Where's he gonna find a gun around here? 287 00:16:23,354 --> 00:16:25,720 you want to find yourself a big bridge, you do. 288 00:16:25,757 --> 00:16:27,850 DAVE: yeah, like one of them bungee jumps... 289 00:16:27,892 --> 00:16:29,484 only without the bungee bit. 290 00:16:30,495 --> 00:16:32,656 I can't stand heights, me. 291 00:16:40,605 --> 00:16:43,130 DAVE: Drowning. Now there's a way to go. 292 00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,337 I can't swim. 293 00:16:47,378 --> 00:16:49,403 GAZ: you don't have to fucking swim, you divvy. 294 00:16:49,447 --> 00:16:51,608 That's the whole point. 295 00:16:51,649 --> 00:16:53,913 God, you're not very keen, are you? 296 00:16:54,619 --> 00:16:55,779 Sorry. 297 00:16:56,821 --> 00:16:58,516 I know. 298 00:16:58,556 --> 00:16:59,818 you could stand in middle of road... 299 00:16:59,857 --> 00:17:03,020 and get a mate to drive smack into you right fast. 300 00:17:06,531 --> 00:17:08,624 Haven't got any mates. 301 00:17:08,666 --> 00:17:10,463 GAZ: Listen, we just saved your fucking life... 302 00:17:10,501 --> 00:17:13,026 so don't tell us we're not your mates, all right? 303 00:17:14,472 --> 00:17:15,700 Really? 304 00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:19,198 DAVE: yeah. I'd run you down soon as look at you. 305 00:17:20,645 --> 00:17:22,044 Oh, cheers. 306 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,308 Ta. 307 00:17:27,085 --> 00:17:28,609 Thanks a lot. 308 00:17:41,532 --> 00:17:43,523 [Gasping for breath] 309 00:17:46,571 --> 00:17:48,539 -What are you doing, Mum? -Where have you been? 310 00:17:48,573 --> 00:17:49,801 LOMPER: Driving. 311 00:17:52,009 --> 00:17:53,169 MOTHER: Driving where? 312 00:17:53,211 --> 00:17:54,769 LOMPER: Just driving. 313 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,280 MOTHER: I thought you'd gone. 314 00:17:58,916 --> 00:18:00,178 GAZ: Security guard in here? 315 00:18:00,218 --> 00:18:02,482 No wonder he wants to kill himself. 316 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,112 DAVE: At least one bloke got a job... 317 00:18:04,155 --> 00:18:06,123 out of this place being shut down. 318 00:18:07,725 --> 00:18:10,694 What did you tell him for, any road? Kid's a nutter. 319 00:18:10,728 --> 00:18:12,252 GAZ: He's a bugle player. 320 00:18:13,631 --> 00:18:15,826 Could come in right handy. Might need a bit of music. 321 00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:18,799 He's got a car... 322 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,201 somewhere to practice. 323 00:18:21,606 --> 00:18:24,734 Besides, good what's-its-name for the lad--therapy. 324 00:18:24,775 --> 00:18:27,835 DAVE: Oh, aye, jiggling about in the buff, therapy. 325 00:18:28,546 --> 00:18:31,379 He won't be the only one trying to kill himself... 326 00:18:31,415 --> 00:18:33,542 if you carry on with this caper. 327 00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:35,176 NATHAN: Dad, I'm hungry. 328 00:18:35,219 --> 00:18:36,880 GAZ: Eh up. 329 00:18:36,921 --> 00:18:38,081 [Car horn honks] 330 00:18:44,195 --> 00:18:46,322 DAVE: Hey, Lomper... 331 00:18:46,364 --> 00:18:48,025 where's me rice? 332 00:18:48,065 --> 00:18:50,829 Try the cylinder head, tubby. 333 00:18:52,637 --> 00:18:54,468 NATHAN: I don't like Chinese. 334 00:18:54,505 --> 00:18:57,338 GAZ: Of course you do, don't you? 335 00:18:57,375 --> 00:18:59,138 DAVE: Let's see his records. 336 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:00,405 GAZ: What we got, then, Dave? 337 00:19:01,812 --> 00:19:03,712 DAVE: "The Floral Dance." 338 00:19:05,216 --> 00:19:07,878 -"Marching with Hepworth." -Jesus Christ. 339 00:19:07,919 --> 00:19:11,047 DAVE: Ah, "Hot Chocolate." Now we're talking. 340 00:19:11,088 --> 00:19:13,386 [Singing] I believe in miracles 341 00:19:13,424 --> 00:19:15,016 Since you came along 342 00:19:15,059 --> 00:19:17,289 GAZ AND DAVE SINGING: you sexy thing 343 00:19:17,328 --> 00:19:19,057 GAZ: Stick it on, Daverino. I'm there. 344 00:19:33,110 --> 00:19:34,975 NATHAN: Dad, don't. 345 00:19:35,012 --> 00:19:36,843 GAZ: No, it's all right, Nathan. 346 00:19:36,881 --> 00:19:38,906 This is right. I've seen 'em do it. 347 00:19:40,017 --> 00:19:41,143 DAVE ON SPEAKER: Good evening, Sheffield-- 348 00:19:41,185 --> 00:19:42,846 GAZ: Dave. 349 00:19:42,887 --> 00:19:44,411 All right, all right. 350 00:19:45,756 --> 00:19:47,553 "you Sexy Thing." 351 00:19:47,592 --> 00:19:48,854 A-one, two... 352 00:19:48,893 --> 00:19:50,383 a-one, two, three, four. 353 00:19:50,428 --> 00:19:52,419 [Music starts] 354 00:20:04,008 --> 00:20:05,202 [Coins jingling] 355 00:20:08,246 --> 00:20:10,544 HOT CHOCOLATE SINGING: I believe in miracles 356 00:20:11,916 --> 00:20:13,474 Where you from? 357 00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:15,348 you sexy thing 358 00:20:15,386 --> 00:20:16,978 Sexy thing, you 359 00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:19,854 I believe in miracles 360 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,220 Since you came along 361 00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:24,728 you sexy thing 362 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,200 Where did you come from? 363 00:20:38,242 --> 00:20:39,732 [Needle scratches, music stops] 364 00:20:40,745 --> 00:20:41,871 GAZ: Need an audience. 365 00:20:41,912 --> 00:20:43,470 you need a doctor. 366 00:20:48,686 --> 00:20:50,449 GAZ: I tell you, there's something up with that kid. 367 00:20:56,127 --> 00:20:57,924 Are you sure you checked the whole top end? 368 00:20:57,962 --> 00:20:59,088 DAVE: yeah. 369 00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:01,098 LOMPER: There's no point. He went out. 370 00:21:01,132 --> 00:21:02,429 GAZ: What? 371 00:21:02,466 --> 00:21:04,457 LOMPER: I seen him go. 372 00:21:04,502 --> 00:21:05,901 DAVE: There's the beggar. 373 00:21:07,805 --> 00:21:09,329 GAZ: Oi, Nathe! 374 00:21:09,373 --> 00:21:11,238 Nathan! 375 00:21:12,176 --> 00:21:13,336 Nathan. 376 00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:18,343 Hellfire. 377 00:21:18,382 --> 00:21:20,350 What are you doing out here, kid? 378 00:21:20,384 --> 00:21:21,942 NATHAN: Nowt--walking home. 379 00:21:21,986 --> 00:21:24,318 GAZ: It's miles home. you know that. 380 00:21:25,356 --> 00:21:27,256 Why did you run off like that? 381 00:21:30,561 --> 00:21:32,256 you're embarrassed, aren't you? 382 00:21:33,064 --> 00:21:34,827 you think your own dad's a dickhead. 383 00:21:37,535 --> 00:21:39,435 We're not doing this for a laugh, you know. 384 00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:42,972 I'm trying to get some brass together... 385 00:21:43,007 --> 00:21:46,670 so as you and me can keep seeing each other. 386 00:21:46,711 --> 00:21:48,975 They're trying to stop us, you see. 387 00:21:50,414 --> 00:21:53,679 Well, I may as well not bother, except I'm your dad. 388 00:21:56,821 --> 00:21:58,721 That counts for summat, doesn't it? 389 00:22:03,594 --> 00:22:05,323 I like you. 390 00:22:07,865 --> 00:22:09,856 I love you, you bugger. 391 00:22:12,203 --> 00:22:13,727 All right, kid? 392 00:22:21,445 --> 00:22:23,504 -All right? -yeah. 393 00:22:25,549 --> 00:22:26,880 GAZ: Nutter. 394 00:22:29,620 --> 00:22:31,611 [Tango music playing] 395 00:22:38,496 --> 00:22:39,986 NATHAN: Well, you said dancing. 396 00:22:40,030 --> 00:22:41,622 GAZ: It were a great idea, kid-- 397 00:22:41,665 --> 00:22:43,565 just not the right sort of dancing. 398 00:22:45,069 --> 00:22:47,629 DAVE: Gaz, hey, look here. 399 00:22:47,671 --> 00:22:49,866 GAZ: Oh, my God. 400 00:22:51,008 --> 00:22:53,636 Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be famous down Jobclub. 401 00:22:53,677 --> 00:22:55,508 DAVE: He's not bad for a bastard, is he? 402 00:22:55,546 --> 00:22:57,138 GAZ: He's dead, that's what he is. 403 00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:06,687 LOMPER: you said you wanted a dance teacher. 404 00:23:06,724 --> 00:23:10,251 DAVE: Gerald? Go get chuffed. He'll tell every bugger. 405 00:23:10,294 --> 00:23:11,955 We'll be laughed out of Sheffield. 406 00:23:11,996 --> 00:23:13,258 DANCE TEACHER: Well done, everybody. 407 00:23:13,297 --> 00:23:15,663 LOMPER: Eh up, lads, bandits at six o'clock. 408 00:23:19,069 --> 00:23:22,197 GAZ: Ah, come in, Torvill. Park your sequins over here. 409 00:23:22,239 --> 00:23:25,140 GERALD: you've had your laugh. Now piss off. 410 00:23:25,176 --> 00:23:26,973 It's a free country. 411 00:23:27,011 --> 00:23:29,878 GAZ: you were rather good. Very nifty footwork. 412 00:23:29,914 --> 00:23:33,213 LINDA: Gerald. Oh, hello. We're missing the rumba. 413 00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:35,081 GERALD: Sorry, luv. I was just having a bit of a chat... 414 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:36,711 with some pals of mine from work. 415 00:23:36,754 --> 00:23:38,654 LINDA: Oh. 416 00:23:38,689 --> 00:23:40,714 Not thinking of joining our class? 417 00:23:40,758 --> 00:23:42,692 GAZ: Funny you should mention it. 418 00:23:42,726 --> 00:23:45,820 GERALD: I think we'd better be getting back now, eh? 419 00:23:45,863 --> 00:23:47,160 LINDA: Well, good night. 420 00:23:47,198 --> 00:23:50,167 GAZ: Get back to your rumba. We'll see you later, Gerald. 421 00:23:51,235 --> 00:23:52,998 At work. 422 00:24:14,158 --> 00:24:16,490 DAVE: He's got gnomes. 423 00:24:16,527 --> 00:24:18,222 GAZ: Aye, he bloody would have. 424 00:24:19,964 --> 00:24:22,592 [Gerald humming] 425 00:24:22,633 --> 00:24:23,827 LINDA: Things looking up? 426 00:24:24,635 --> 00:24:26,330 GERALD: Do you know, luv, I think they just might be. 427 00:24:26,370 --> 00:24:29,032 LINDA: Good. you've been working too hard. 428 00:24:29,073 --> 00:24:31,234 About time you let one of your colleagues... 429 00:24:31,275 --> 00:24:33,709 do the lion's share for a change. 430 00:24:33,744 --> 00:24:35,905 I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald. 431 00:24:35,946 --> 00:24:37,470 GERALD: Mustn't be late. 432 00:24:37,515 --> 00:24:40,450 -It's all right if l-- -Oh, Linda-- 433 00:24:40,484 --> 00:24:43,044 LINDA: Don't be so mean. Things are looking up. 434 00:24:43,087 --> 00:24:45,920 you said so yourself. you'll love skiing. 435 00:24:48,626 --> 00:24:49,991 Linda... 436 00:24:54,265 --> 00:24:55,732 Oh, don't matter. 437 00:24:55,766 --> 00:24:56,994 Bye. 438 00:25:03,073 --> 00:25:04,233 Hey, Gaz. 439 00:25:12,216 --> 00:25:13,808 Off to the office, are we, Torvill? 440 00:25:13,851 --> 00:25:16,115 GERALD: As a matter of fact, yes, I bloody am. Put that back. 441 00:25:16,153 --> 00:25:17,313 Put it back! 442 00:25:18,322 --> 00:25:20,813 See that? Interview. In the bloody bag. 443 00:25:20,858 --> 00:25:22,553 Mate. I know him from Harrisons. 444 00:25:22,593 --> 00:25:24,857 And I could do the job standing on me head. 445 00:25:24,895 --> 00:25:27,090 And I won't have to look at your ugly mugs ever again. 446 00:25:27,131 --> 00:25:28,758 GAZ: We just need a bit of help. 447 00:25:28,799 --> 00:25:30,266 GERALD: I'm sorry, pal. 448 00:25:30,301 --> 00:25:32,326 There's nothing I can do to help the likes of you. 449 00:25:32,369 --> 00:25:34,462 DAVE: Just want to know about dancing, that's all. 450 00:25:34,505 --> 00:25:37,838 GERALD: Dancers have coordination, skill... 451 00:25:37,875 --> 00:25:40,867 timing, fitness, and grace. 452 00:25:40,911 --> 00:25:43,641 Take a long, hard look in the mirror. 453 00:25:43,681 --> 00:25:45,012 Now, I'm busy. 454 00:25:46,435 --> 00:25:48,266 Don't be late for Jobclub, lads. 455 00:25:50,506 --> 00:25:51,666 Bastard. 456 00:25:55,811 --> 00:25:57,369 DIRECTOR: Starting at sixteen thousand... 457 00:25:57,413 --> 00:25:58,539 plus the pension scheme. 458 00:25:58,581 --> 00:26:01,049 GERALD: It'll be a relief to get back to work. 459 00:26:01,083 --> 00:26:03,517 It's not been an easy six months, granted. 460 00:26:03,552 --> 00:26:06,612 I'm up to date with the latest industry developments... 461 00:26:06,655 --> 00:26:08,054 and I've kept meself... 462 00:26:12,995 --> 00:26:14,292 busy, you know? 463 00:26:15,164 --> 00:26:18,793 All the qualifications are there, obviously, Gerald... 464 00:26:18,834 --> 00:26:21,496 and we go back further than I care to remember. 465 00:26:23,472 --> 00:26:24,700 Sorry? 466 00:26:31,380 --> 00:26:33,405 What we're asking, Gerald, is... 467 00:26:33,449 --> 00:26:35,644 after such a long layoff... 468 00:26:35,684 --> 00:26:37,584 do you think you're up to the job? 469 00:26:44,126 --> 00:26:45,286 you! 470 00:26:45,327 --> 00:26:48,319 -you bastard! -Fucking hell! 471 00:26:48,364 --> 00:26:51,299 MAN: Calm down, Gerry. 472 00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:52,732 GAZ: Hey, Gerry, mate-- 473 00:26:52,768 --> 00:26:54,736 -Come here, you bastard! -you didn't get it? 474 00:26:54,770 --> 00:26:56,237 GERALD: Get out of the way! Come here! 475 00:26:56,272 --> 00:26:57,671 DAVE: Leave it! 476 00:26:57,706 --> 00:27:00,732 GERALD: you bastard! That were mine, that job! 477 00:27:01,844 --> 00:27:03,573 you don't give a toss! you're kids! 478 00:27:03,612 --> 00:27:05,375 It's different for me. 479 00:27:05,414 --> 00:27:07,575 I've got a standard of living, responsibilities! 480 00:27:07,616 --> 00:27:08,913 I were on me way up! 481 00:27:08,951 --> 00:27:10,475 I am on me way up! 482 00:27:13,122 --> 00:27:15,283 It were me first interview in months! 483 00:27:16,492 --> 00:27:18,255 I could have got me first month's in advance. 484 00:27:18,294 --> 00:27:19,556 She'd never have known. 485 00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:22,295 Now what? 486 00:27:22,331 --> 00:27:24,959 She's still got credit cards, you know. 487 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,026 She's out there now, let loose on High Street... 488 00:27:28,070 --> 00:27:30,834 with a fucking MasterCard! Spending! 489 00:27:31,707 --> 00:27:33,834 Why can't you just tell her? 490 00:27:33,876 --> 00:27:38,438 How can I tell her after six months? 491 00:27:38,481 --> 00:27:42,383 A woman who wants to go skiing for us holidays. 492 00:27:43,285 --> 00:27:45,981 [Laughing] 493 00:27:46,021 --> 00:27:48,251 Skiing, for fuck's sake! 494 00:27:51,060 --> 00:27:54,029 Why did you do it? It was my job! 495 00:27:54,063 --> 00:27:57,726 It had to be my...job. 496 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,437 GERALD: Can't you just leave me alone? 497 00:28:53,289 --> 00:28:54,722 DAVE: Stuck it with Superglue. 498 00:28:55,624 --> 00:28:57,922 you can't hardly see the join. Look. 499 00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:05,931 -Go on. -Oh, yeah. 500 00:29:07,269 --> 00:29:11,069 Got this in jumble, like, to say sorry. 501 00:29:13,375 --> 00:29:15,707 LOMPER: Wheels go round and everything. 502 00:29:15,744 --> 00:29:17,234 [Wheels spin] 503 00:29:17,279 --> 00:29:20,180 DAVE: It's for your gnomes, really, not you, but... 504 00:29:21,817 --> 00:29:23,045 GERALD: l, uh... 505 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,810 I don't know. 506 00:29:28,924 --> 00:29:30,551 It's marvelous, this. 507 00:29:36,098 --> 00:29:37,565 GAZ: We were thinking... 508 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,660 you could maybe put it next to wishing well. 509 00:29:40,703 --> 00:29:41,931 Make a bit of a.... 510 00:29:43,505 --> 00:29:45,234 -Feature. -yeah. 511 00:29:46,108 --> 00:29:47,268 What do you reck? 512 00:29:52,615 --> 00:29:54,276 GERALD: Ta, lads, eh? 513 00:29:56,552 --> 00:29:57,712 Ta very much. 514 00:30:01,323 --> 00:30:02,950 GAZ: Cigarette, for fuck's sake. 515 00:30:06,929 --> 00:30:08,829 GAZ: Think any of them can dance? 516 00:30:09,465 --> 00:30:10,693 GERALD: you're not still on about... 517 00:30:10,733 --> 00:30:13,293 this Chippendales malarkey, are you? 518 00:30:13,335 --> 00:30:15,030 GAZ: A Yorkshire version. 519 00:30:15,070 --> 00:30:17,038 If them buggers can, we bloody can. 520 00:30:17,072 --> 00:30:19,472 -you can't dance. -We know, Gerald. 521 00:30:19,508 --> 00:30:20,941 DAVE: Look, Gaz, niner on its way. 522 00:30:20,976 --> 00:30:23,274 GAZ: Why do you think we're trailing you all over town? 523 00:30:23,312 --> 00:30:26,372 GERALD: I don't know. It's not my kind of dancing. 524 00:30:26,415 --> 00:30:27,643 It's all arse-wiggling. 525 00:30:27,683 --> 00:30:29,310 GAZ: I've got a degree in arse-wiggling, mate. 526 00:30:29,351 --> 00:30:31,785 you learn us dancing, I'll learn you rest. 527 00:30:33,055 --> 00:30:34,886 Look, Gerald, for once, I'm dead serious. 528 00:30:34,923 --> 00:30:36,618 I need your help. 529 00:30:36,659 --> 00:30:37,956 GERALD: What if someone spots me? 530 00:30:37,993 --> 00:30:40,621 What if Linda finds out? I've got standing, me. 531 00:30:40,663 --> 00:30:43,131 GAZ: Aye, you've an overdraft and all, mate. 532 00:30:43,265 --> 00:30:45,165 [Music plays] 533 00:30:53,742 --> 00:30:55,767 JANE BIRKIN SINGING: Je t'aime 534 00:30:55,811 --> 00:30:57,335 Je t'aime 535 00:30:57,379 --> 00:30:58,903 Oui, je t'aime 536 00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:01,578 SERGE GAINSBOURG SINGING: Quoi de plus 537 00:31:05,020 --> 00:31:06,851 JANE BIRKIN SINGING: Oh, mon amour 538 00:31:08,557 --> 00:31:09,717 SERGE GAINSBOURG SINGING: Comme la vague 539 00:31:11,393 --> 00:31:13,418 Irresolue 540 00:31:15,764 --> 00:31:17,823 Je vais 541 00:31:17,866 --> 00:31:20,801 Je vais, et je viens... 542 00:31:24,006 --> 00:31:26,634 Contre tes reins 543 00:31:28,911 --> 00:31:32,642 Je vais, et je viens 544 00:31:32,681 --> 00:31:35,206 Contre tes reins... 545 00:31:37,686 --> 00:31:39,984 [Music stops] 546 00:31:40,022 --> 00:31:42,752 REG: I'm sorry. Sorry. 547 00:31:43,659 --> 00:31:45,490 Thought I'd give it a go. 548 00:31:45,527 --> 00:31:47,688 I got a bit desperate, like. you know how it is. 549 00:31:48,597 --> 00:31:51,065 I can't even take me kit off properly, can l? 550 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,128 GAZ: you're all right, Reg. There's a cup of tea. 551 00:31:55,170 --> 00:31:57,263 REG: No, thanks. I've got the kids outside. 552 00:31:57,306 --> 00:31:58,739 GAZ: Bring 'em in. 553 00:31:58,774 --> 00:31:59,968 REG: Nah. 554 00:32:02,378 --> 00:32:03,675 This is no place for kids. 555 00:32:13,021 --> 00:32:14,716 GERALD: This is crazy. 556 00:32:18,227 --> 00:32:19,819 GAZ: So... 557 00:32:19,862 --> 00:32:21,693 it's Mr. Horse? 558 00:32:22,297 --> 00:32:23,457 Horse. 559 00:32:24,633 --> 00:32:27,466 GAZ: yeah, well, just a minute, Mr. Horse. 560 00:32:27,503 --> 00:32:28,936 My colleagues on the panel... 561 00:32:28,971 --> 00:32:31,804 LOMPER: Ask him why he's called "The Horse." 562 00:32:33,275 --> 00:32:34,867 GAZ: you bloody ask him. 563 00:32:34,910 --> 00:32:36,571 It's not 'cause he does Grand National, is it? 564 00:32:36,612 --> 00:32:39,012 GERALD: What's the point of having a big wanger... 565 00:32:39,047 --> 00:32:41,743 if you need a zimmer frame to tout it in, eh? 566 00:32:41,784 --> 00:32:43,843 He must be fifty, if he's a day. 567 00:32:43,886 --> 00:32:46,480 GAZ: So, Horse, what can you do? 568 00:32:48,590 --> 00:32:50,956 HORSE: Don't know, really. 569 00:32:50,993 --> 00:32:52,722 Let's see. There's the... 570 00:32:53,796 --> 00:32:55,627 There's the Bump... 571 00:32:55,664 --> 00:32:57,063 the Stomp... 572 00:32:57,099 --> 00:32:59,033 the Bus Stop. 573 00:32:59,067 --> 00:33:01,365 Me break dancin' days are probably over... 574 00:33:01,403 --> 00:33:02,665 but there's always the Funky Chicken. 575 00:33:02,704 --> 00:33:05,172 -Now you're talking. -All of them? 576 00:33:05,207 --> 00:33:08,973 Oh, yeah. I think so. It's been a while, mind. 577 00:33:09,011 --> 00:33:11,036 I've got this dodgy hip, you know? 578 00:33:11,079 --> 00:33:12,239 GAZ: yeah. 579 00:33:13,148 --> 00:33:14,843 Well, stick it on, Nathe. 580 00:33:14,883 --> 00:33:16,714 Do your worst, pal. 581 00:33:16,752 --> 00:33:18,242 WILSON PICKETT SINGING: One, two, three 582 00:33:19,822 --> 00:33:21,551 one, two, three 583 00:33:25,027 --> 00:33:26,790 Ow! 584 00:33:26,829 --> 00:33:27,955 Unh! 585 00:33:27,996 --> 00:33:29,122 All right 586 00:33:29,164 --> 00:33:31,029 Unh! 587 00:33:31,066 --> 00:33:32,499 Gotta know how to pony 588 00:33:34,036 --> 00:33:35,196 Like Boney Maroney 589 00:33:36,738 --> 00:33:37,932 The mashed potato 590 00:33:39,241 --> 00:33:41,675 Do the alligator 591 00:33:41,710 --> 00:33:42,870 Ow! 592 00:33:43,712 --> 00:33:44,838 Unh! 593 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,905 Na na-na-na na 594 00:33:46,949 --> 00:33:49,679 Na-na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na 595 00:33:49,718 --> 00:33:51,583 Na-na-na-na 596 00:33:51,620 --> 00:33:54,680 Ow! 597 00:33:59,461 --> 00:34:01,520 GUY: Me favorite film's "Singing in't Rain." 598 00:34:01,563 --> 00:34:03,929 They do that walking-up-wall thing. Bloody ace, it is. 599 00:34:03,966 --> 00:34:05,433 GERALD: He knows me. 600 00:34:05,467 --> 00:34:08,061 He plastered our bathroom. Get rid of him. 601 00:34:08,103 --> 00:34:11,504 -Shut up. you'll be fine. -He'll blow me cover. 602 00:34:11,540 --> 00:34:14,566 -What walking-up-wall thing? -I'll show you. 603 00:34:14,610 --> 00:34:16,544 I'm Donald O'Connor, right? 604 00:34:20,382 --> 00:34:21,815 That's the wall. 605 00:34:28,290 --> 00:34:29,416 [Thud] 606 00:34:29,458 --> 00:34:30,652 GUY: Ouch. 607 00:34:33,562 --> 00:34:34,790 Oh, well... 608 00:34:36,031 --> 00:34:38,591 it's better than that in the film, you know. 609 00:34:39,968 --> 00:34:43,267 GAZ: Ahem. So, you don't sing? 610 00:34:43,305 --> 00:34:45,102 No. 611 00:34:45,140 --> 00:34:46,903 GAZ: you don't dance? 612 00:34:46,942 --> 00:34:48,807 No. 613 00:34:48,844 --> 00:34:52,940 GAZ: Hope you don't think I'm nosy, but what do you do? 614 00:34:53,849 --> 00:34:57,341 Well...there is this. 615 00:35:02,024 --> 00:35:03,582 [Gaz coughs] 616 00:35:07,663 --> 00:35:09,062 Gentlemen... 617 00:35:09,097 --> 00:35:11,429 the lunchbox has landed. 618 00:35:17,906 --> 00:35:19,066 Chuffing Nora. 619 00:35:19,107 --> 00:35:21,541 All right, Gerald. Didn't see you over there. 620 00:35:22,878 --> 00:35:24,038 Did his bathroom. 621 00:35:26,882 --> 00:35:28,144 Hello, Guy. 622 00:35:28,183 --> 00:35:29,980 GAZ: Nathe... 623 00:35:30,018 --> 00:35:31,576 Nathan. 624 00:35:36,959 --> 00:35:38,187 DAVE: I say, Jean? 625 00:35:38,226 --> 00:35:39,352 JEAN: yeah? 626 00:35:39,394 --> 00:35:41,294 DAVE: Ever been out with a black bloke? 627 00:35:41,330 --> 00:35:42,797 JEAN: you know I haven't, Dave. 628 00:35:42,831 --> 00:35:43,991 DAVE: But... 629 00:35:45,334 --> 00:35:47,802 if you were on't lookout for a new fella, right... 630 00:35:47,836 --> 00:35:51,533 if you were, just saying, would you think about it? 631 00:35:52,207 --> 00:35:53,674 What's got into you? 632 00:35:55,611 --> 00:35:57,203 DAVE: No, would you, though? 633 00:35:58,780 --> 00:36:00,714 JEAN: I might do, yeah. 634 00:36:00,749 --> 00:36:01,909 Is that all right? 635 00:36:03,218 --> 00:36:04,480 DAVE: So it's true, then. 636 00:36:04,519 --> 00:36:07,784 JEAN: I've bloody had enough of this. What's true? 637 00:36:07,823 --> 00:36:09,757 DAVE: What they say about black blokes. 638 00:36:10,692 --> 00:36:12,523 They've got great bodies and that. 639 00:36:12,561 --> 00:36:14,791 JEAN: Some of them, yeah. 640 00:36:16,498 --> 00:36:17,829 And? 641 00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:20,795 DAVE: Nothing. 642 00:36:22,337 --> 00:36:25,636 JEAN: David, I don't care if they're black, white... 643 00:36:25,674 --> 00:36:26,902 or bloody rainbow-colored. 644 00:36:26,942 --> 00:36:30,207 I'm married to you, remember? 645 00:36:30,245 --> 00:36:31,507 DAVE: yeah. 646 00:36:35,784 --> 00:36:37,012 Night. 647 00:36:41,456 --> 00:36:43,788 JEAN: Why would I want anyone else, eh? 648 00:36:44,726 --> 00:36:45,954 Big man. 649 00:36:47,829 --> 00:36:49,820 [Jean kisses] 650 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,194 DAVE: Jeanie... 651 00:36:54,436 --> 00:36:55,903 I'm all in. 652 00:36:58,940 --> 00:37:02,068 It's amazing how tiring it is doing nowt, you know? 653 00:37:24,966 --> 00:37:27,594 [Jean laughing] 654 00:37:33,207 --> 00:37:34,970 GAZ: They're just messing, Dave. 655 00:37:35,009 --> 00:37:36,476 DAVE: you reckon? 656 00:37:36,511 --> 00:37:39,344 GAZ: Of course. Just Jean, isn't it? 657 00:37:42,650 --> 00:37:44,117 DAVE: Got any of them mint chocolates, Nathe? 658 00:37:44,152 --> 00:37:47,087 -Get lost. you're on a diet. -Don't you start. 659 00:37:47,121 --> 00:37:48,748 GAZ: Right, how much you got, then? 660 00:37:48,790 --> 00:37:50,587 [Dave sighs] 661 00:37:52,093 --> 00:37:53,958 DAVE: Twenty-two-- twenty-seven pence. 662 00:37:54,962 --> 00:37:56,361 GAZ: Four ninety-nine, special offer. 663 00:37:56,397 --> 00:37:57,830 We're still a fiver short. 664 00:37:57,865 --> 00:38:00,231 Well, you know what this means, Dave. 665 00:38:01,669 --> 00:38:04,160 DAVE: Oh, no. Come on, Gaz. Why me? 666 00:38:04,205 --> 00:38:05,695 GAZ: you've got an innocent face. 667 00:38:05,740 --> 00:38:07,731 I've got "serial killer" written on me forehead. 668 00:38:07,775 --> 00:38:10,175 If you're not going to dance, do something useful instead. 669 00:38:10,211 --> 00:38:13,044 DAVE: What if Jean finds out? She'll throw an eppy. 670 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,775 GAZ: She's miles away. 671 00:38:14,816 --> 00:38:17,284 See you later. Good luck. 672 00:38:17,318 --> 00:38:18,478 DAVE: Give us a pear drop, you. 673 00:38:18,519 --> 00:38:20,111 NATHAN: They're not paid for. 674 00:38:42,176 --> 00:38:44,167 [Alarm sounds] 675 00:38:47,648 --> 00:38:48,637 [Alarm stops] 676 00:38:58,693 --> 00:39:00,627 [Alarm sounds] 677 00:39:06,234 --> 00:39:08,065 IRENE CARA SINGING: First 678 00:39:08,102 --> 00:39:11,071 When there's nothing 679 00:39:11,105 --> 00:39:14,871 But a slow glowing dream... 680 00:39:14,909 --> 00:39:16,103 DAVE: Hey, what's this? 681 00:39:17,278 --> 00:39:18,404 I didn't go on the nick in ASDA... 682 00:39:18,446 --> 00:39:20,573 for some chuffing women's how-to video. 683 00:39:20,615 --> 00:39:23,106 GAZ: It's "Flashdance." She's a welder, isn't she? 684 00:39:23,150 --> 00:39:24,742 DAVE: A welder? 685 00:39:24,785 --> 00:39:26,252 I hope she dances better than she welds. 686 00:39:26,287 --> 00:39:28,118 Look at that. Her mix is all to cock. 687 00:39:28,155 --> 00:39:31,090 GAZ: What the fuck do you know about welding, any road? 688 00:39:31,125 --> 00:39:33,059 DAVE: More than some chuffing woman. 689 00:39:33,094 --> 00:39:35,722 It's like Bonfire Night. That's too much acetylene. 690 00:39:35,763 --> 00:39:37,856 Them joints won't hold fuck all. 691 00:39:37,899 --> 00:39:40,527 GERALD: Dave, we're looking for dancing, aren't we? 692 00:39:40,568 --> 00:39:43,162 GAZ: He's got the hump about ASDA. 693 00:39:43,204 --> 00:39:45,866 LOMPER: Hey. Cop a load of that. 694 00:39:45,907 --> 00:39:47,534 IRENE CARA SINGING: What a feelin' 695 00:39:47,575 --> 00:39:49,270 I hear music now 696 00:39:49,310 --> 00:39:52,404 GERALD: What did I tell you? She's nifty on her pins. 697 00:39:53,180 --> 00:39:55,808 IRENE CARA SINGING: you just come alive... 698 00:39:55,850 --> 00:39:58,978 GERALD: That, gentlemen, is what we are looking for. 699 00:39:59,020 --> 00:40:03,252 DAVE: I can see him doing all that twizzling about bollocks. 700 00:40:03,291 --> 00:40:05,589 GERALD: It's souped-up tango is that. 701 00:40:05,626 --> 00:40:07,821 Teach any bugger in a week. Even you, mate. 702 00:40:08,396 --> 00:40:10,296 Even a fat bastard like me? 703 00:40:10,331 --> 00:40:13,027 yeah, I know what I am, so don't take the piss, you. 704 00:40:14,235 --> 00:40:16,066 All right. 705 00:40:16,103 --> 00:40:17,536 Two weeks. 706 00:40:18,439 --> 00:40:19,667 LOMPER: Straight up. 707 00:40:19,707 --> 00:40:21,140 IRENE CARA SINGING: What a feeling 708 00:40:21,175 --> 00:40:23,006 I can have it all 709 00:40:23,044 --> 00:40:24,671 Being is believing 710 00:40:24,712 --> 00:40:27,613 Being is believing... 711 00:40:27,648 --> 00:40:29,639 DAVE: I don't know, Gaz. 712 00:40:29,684 --> 00:40:30,946 Jean reckons I should take... 713 00:40:30,985 --> 00:40:33,283 that security guard job down at ASDA. 714 00:40:33,321 --> 00:40:35,846 GAZ: Jesus! Security? 715 00:40:35,890 --> 00:40:37,482 you're worth more than that, Dave. 716 00:40:37,525 --> 00:40:39,789 DAVE: Jean don't think so. 717 00:40:39,827 --> 00:40:42,955 I reckon there's summat going on with her and that bloke. 718 00:40:42,997 --> 00:40:44,931 GAZ: The juggling bugger? 719 00:40:44,966 --> 00:40:46,797 No. No way. 720 00:40:46,834 --> 00:40:48,961 DAVE: Not as if I blame her. 721 00:40:49,003 --> 00:40:51,267 GAZ: you can show her, Dave. 722 00:40:51,305 --> 00:40:53,865 Nobody tells them Chippendales to go be security, do they? 723 00:40:53,908 --> 00:40:57,275 Rakin' it in, they are. Two weeks. 724 00:40:57,311 --> 00:40:59,609 That's what the man said, and he's not taking the piss. 725 00:41:00,581 --> 00:41:02,481 DAVE: It's a thought. 726 00:41:02,516 --> 00:41:04,381 It's more than a thought. 727 00:41:04,418 --> 00:41:06,215 you think of Jean's face when she sees you... 728 00:41:06,253 --> 00:41:08,448 dancing like old fucking "Flashdance." 729 00:41:09,590 --> 00:41:10,784 Two weeks? 730 00:41:10,825 --> 00:41:12,486 Just like flashy tits? 731 00:41:12,526 --> 00:41:13,891 GAZ: That's what your man said. 732 00:41:15,029 --> 00:41:16,189 Hey. 733 00:41:17,031 --> 00:41:18,589 I can weld better than her and all. 734 00:41:18,633 --> 00:41:19,622 GAZ: Ha ha! 735 00:41:21,802 --> 00:41:24,032 GERALD: Stop! No! No! Stop! 736 00:41:24,071 --> 00:41:25,538 LOMPER: What? 737 00:41:25,573 --> 00:41:28,007 GERALD: you stay still... 738 00:41:28,042 --> 00:41:30,840 and you go forward, OK? 739 00:41:30,878 --> 00:41:32,937 -OK. -All right, Nathan. 740 00:41:34,882 --> 00:41:36,406 ["Hot Stuff" plays] 741 00:41:36,450 --> 00:41:39,681 GERALD: One, two, three-- No! No! No! 742 00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:42,086 Jesus Christ! 743 00:41:42,123 --> 00:41:46,389 All I want to do is get you in a straight bloody line! 744 00:41:46,427 --> 00:41:48,156 What do I have to do? 745 00:41:48,195 --> 00:41:50,561 HORSE: It's the Arsenal off-side trap, isn't it? 746 00:41:50,598 --> 00:41:53,066 -The what? -The Arsenal off-side trap. 747 00:41:53,868 --> 00:41:56,132 Lomper here is Tony Adams, right? 748 00:41:56,170 --> 00:41:58,161 Any bugger looks like scoring... 749 00:41:58,205 --> 00:41:59,797 we all step forward in a line... 750 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,832 and wave our arms around like a fairy. 751 00:42:02,877 --> 00:42:04,572 DAVE: Well, that's easy. 752 00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:07,170 OK. 753 00:42:07,214 --> 00:42:08,408 Nathan. 754 00:42:10,384 --> 00:42:13,353 GERALD: And one, two, three, four, go! 755 00:42:14,355 --> 00:42:15,515 ALL: yes! 756 00:42:17,224 --> 00:42:18,851 GERALD: Perfect. 757 00:42:18,893 --> 00:42:20,053 Perfect. 758 00:42:20,728 --> 00:42:21,956 DAVE: Well, you should have said. 759 00:42:27,068 --> 00:42:29,366 GERALD: Come on. Get in quick and wipe your boots. 760 00:42:32,573 --> 00:42:34,302 Hey, put that back. you'll break it. 761 00:42:34,341 --> 00:42:35,501 DAVE: Just looking. 762 00:42:36,510 --> 00:42:38,444 Bit posh, isn't it? 763 00:42:38,479 --> 00:42:39,707 GAZ: Right, then. 764 00:42:39,747 --> 00:42:42,443 -Are we right? -Right for what? 765 00:42:43,451 --> 00:42:44,850 GAZ: Taking us kit off. 766 00:42:46,754 --> 00:42:48,881 DAVE: Thought you were turning me into a fancy dancer. 767 00:42:48,923 --> 00:42:51,187 GAZ: Listen, ladies, we are strippers, aren't we? 768 00:42:51,225 --> 00:42:53,216 GERALD: What, here? Now? ln this house? 769 00:42:55,396 --> 00:42:57,159 This is a good area, this is. 770 00:42:57,198 --> 00:42:59,462 DAVE: Gaz, I dunno. 771 00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:01,559 GAZ: lf we can't get us kit off in front of ourselves... 772 00:43:01,602 --> 00:43:03,661 what chance have we got in front of all them lasses? 773 00:43:04,638 --> 00:43:06,071 Tops off. 774 00:43:10,344 --> 00:43:11,777 Come on. 775 00:43:15,583 --> 00:43:18,416 DAVE: Well, no looking. And no laughing, you bastards. 776 00:43:26,727 --> 00:43:28,752 GERALD: I used to have a proper job, me. 777 00:43:30,898 --> 00:43:33,731 LOMPER: I ask you, what are we doing? 778 00:43:43,477 --> 00:43:44,774 GAZ: And the kegs. 779 00:44:03,497 --> 00:44:05,397 GAZ: Horse by name, horse by nature? 780 00:44:05,432 --> 00:44:06,558 HORSE: Shut it, you. 781 00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,398 -How come you're so brown? -No reason. 782 00:44:10,471 --> 00:44:12,462 GUY: Someone's got a sun-bed. 783 00:44:12,506 --> 00:44:14,736 It's Linda's, and, no, you bloody can't. 784 00:44:16,076 --> 00:44:18,135 DAVE: What am I going to do about this? 785 00:44:18,179 --> 00:44:19,612 GAZ: It's not too bad. 786 00:44:20,714 --> 00:44:22,079 From the front, like. 787 00:44:22,116 --> 00:44:25,176 GERALD: Fat, David, is a feminist issue. 788 00:44:25,219 --> 00:44:27,346 What's that supposed to mean when it's at home? 789 00:44:27,388 --> 00:44:30,380 I don't bloody know, do l? But it is. 790 00:44:31,392 --> 00:44:32,689 DAVE: I try dieting. 791 00:44:33,961 --> 00:44:36,293 I do try. 792 00:44:36,330 --> 00:44:39,094 Seems I spent most of me fucking life on a diet. 793 00:44:40,100 --> 00:44:42,193 The less I eat, the fatter I get. 794 00:44:42,236 --> 00:44:44,033 LOMPER: So stuff yourself and get thin. 795 00:44:44,071 --> 00:44:45,766 GUY: Shut up, saggy tits. 796 00:44:48,876 --> 00:44:51,777 This mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff put on her... 797 00:44:51,812 --> 00:44:52,938 at this posh health club. 798 00:44:52,980 --> 00:44:56,074 She lost pounds. It were like magic. 799 00:44:56,116 --> 00:44:57,879 What's it called, now? 800 00:44:57,918 --> 00:45:00,409 Anyway, it's like cling-film. 801 00:45:00,454 --> 00:45:02,479 -I've heard of that. -Cling-film? 802 00:45:03,157 --> 00:45:05,216 I'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald. 803 00:45:06,126 --> 00:45:08,424 GAZ: you wrap it around. Reduce the fat. 804 00:45:08,462 --> 00:45:10,453 GERALD: She swears by it. 805 00:45:10,497 --> 00:45:12,178 [Doorbell rings] 806 00:45:16,382 --> 00:45:18,316 GERALD: you can't just take stuff. 807 00:45:18,351 --> 00:45:19,511 MAN: Sorry, mate. 808 00:45:19,552 --> 00:45:21,417 GERALD: I only owe him a hundred and twenty quid. 809 00:45:22,188 --> 00:45:23,382 MAN ON RIGHT: That's all these'll fetch secondhand. 810 00:45:23,422 --> 00:45:25,549 They're not secondhand. 811 00:45:25,591 --> 00:45:27,115 MAN ON RIGHT: They are now, mate. 812 00:45:29,495 --> 00:45:31,326 DAVE: Put down and piss off. 813 00:45:31,364 --> 00:45:32,854 MAN ON RIGHT: Fucking hell! 814 00:45:37,036 --> 00:45:38,162 MAN: I think there's been a mistake. 815 00:45:38,204 --> 00:45:39,728 We'll check with the office. 816 00:45:39,772 --> 00:45:40,932 [Door closes] 817 00:45:42,141 --> 00:45:43,768 Cheers, lads. 818 00:45:43,809 --> 00:45:46,277 DAVE: It's not bad, this stripping lark, is it? 819 00:45:47,546 --> 00:45:49,446 ["The Stripper" plays] 820 00:45:56,789 --> 00:45:59,314 GERALD: Dave and Lomps, up the wing. 821 00:45:59,358 --> 00:46:01,952 One, two, three, four. 822 00:46:01,994 --> 00:46:04,690 Left touchline, three, four. 823 00:46:04,730 --> 00:46:07,130 Right touchline, three, four. 824 00:46:07,166 --> 00:46:09,464 Off-side trap, one, two... 825 00:46:09,502 --> 00:46:10,901 three, four. 826 00:46:10,937 --> 00:46:13,405 Now the belt, three, four. 827 00:46:13,439 --> 00:46:16,135 Now the shoes, three, four. 828 00:46:16,175 --> 00:46:18,143 Now the socks, three, four. 829 00:46:18,177 --> 00:46:20,168 -Hang on! -Carry on! 830 00:46:21,414 --> 00:46:23,609 Aah! [Music stops] 831 00:46:23,649 --> 00:46:25,276 NATHAN: That were crap. 832 00:46:25,318 --> 00:46:26,717 GERALD: Give us a chance. 833 00:46:26,752 --> 00:46:29,550 Even Madonna has difficulty getting her shoes and socks off. 834 00:46:29,588 --> 00:46:31,783 -you could have had me eye out. -I'm sorry. 835 00:46:31,824 --> 00:46:34,554 LOMPER: What are you doing? They're bloody borrowed. 836 00:46:35,294 --> 00:46:37,023 GAZ: We can use them for the show. 837 00:46:37,063 --> 00:46:39,054 It's what them Chippendales do. 838 00:46:39,098 --> 00:46:42,864 They put Velcro down the side, and then...all is revealed. 839 00:46:42,902 --> 00:46:44,028 I'll sew 'em back up after. 840 00:46:44,070 --> 00:46:46,436 LOMPER: Where did you learn to be an ace sewer then? 841 00:46:46,472 --> 00:46:48,064 NATHAN: Prison. 842 00:46:51,077 --> 00:46:52,476 GAZ: Cheers, Nathe. 843 00:46:56,949 --> 00:46:59,076 GAZ: Come on, Al. It's me. 844 00:46:59,118 --> 00:47:01,814 ALAN: Which is precisely why it's a hundred quid up front-- 845 00:47:01,854 --> 00:47:03,253 half price. 846 00:47:03,289 --> 00:47:05,257 If I give you the club for nowt, you don't turn up... 847 00:47:05,291 --> 00:47:07,259 go back on your word... 848 00:47:07,293 --> 00:47:08,817 I'm left with an empty club on a Friday night. 849 00:47:08,861 --> 00:47:11,796 GAZ: Course we'll turn up. I haven't got one hundred quid! 850 00:47:13,766 --> 00:47:15,996 ALAN: lf you told me what you were up to, it might help. 851 00:47:18,237 --> 00:47:20,137 GAZ: I can't. It's top secret. 852 00:47:21,340 --> 00:47:22,568 ALAN: Sorry, youth. 853 00:47:38,024 --> 00:47:39,821 -All right, luv? -Hi, Mum. 854 00:47:39,859 --> 00:47:41,121 MANDY: What do you want? 855 00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:42,752 GAZ: All right, Mand? 856 00:47:43,362 --> 00:47:45,193 I'm gonna get you all your money. 857 00:47:45,231 --> 00:47:47,461 Our money. Nathan's. 858 00:47:47,500 --> 00:47:49,832 Well, you know, for definite this time. 859 00:47:49,869 --> 00:47:52,064 -yeah, right. That all? -yeah. 860 00:47:54,707 --> 00:47:56,766 GAZ: Well, no. The thing is, Mand... 861 00:47:56,809 --> 00:47:59,607 you have to speculate to accumulate in business, like. 862 00:47:59,645 --> 00:48:01,772 I'm not sure I'm hearing this. 863 00:48:01,814 --> 00:48:04,044 I'm gonna get you the whole lot. I just need a tiny bit. 864 00:48:04,083 --> 00:48:06,551 -you want some money? -yeah. 865 00:48:06,585 --> 00:48:09,053 Right. I need someone in packing section. 866 00:48:10,156 --> 00:48:12,522 Two-fifty an hour. you can start now if you like. 867 00:48:12,558 --> 00:48:13,820 you coming? 868 00:48:15,961 --> 00:48:17,360 Come on, Dad. 869 00:48:20,766 --> 00:48:23,496 GAZ: Nathan, you can't do this, kid. 870 00:48:23,536 --> 00:48:24,764 It's your savings. 871 00:48:24,804 --> 00:48:26,499 NATHAN: I can. I just need your signature. 872 00:48:26,539 --> 00:48:28,200 It says in't book. 873 00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:30,231 I'd like to take my money out, please. 874 00:48:30,276 --> 00:48:33,803 GAZ: you bloody can't have it. All right, luv. It's sorted. 875 00:48:33,846 --> 00:48:35,871 NATHAN: It's my money. I want it. 876 00:48:35,915 --> 00:48:37,348 One hundred pounds, please. 877 00:48:37,383 --> 00:48:39,351 GAZ: When you're eighteen, you can walk in... 878 00:48:39,385 --> 00:48:41,285 and get it yourself, can't you? 879 00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,151 NATHAN: you said you'd get it back. 880 00:48:43,189 --> 00:48:46,750 GAZ: I know, but you don't want to listen to what I say. 881 00:48:46,792 --> 00:48:48,987 you said so. 882 00:48:49,028 --> 00:48:50,188 I believe you. 883 00:48:51,363 --> 00:48:52,591 you do? 884 00:48:52,631 --> 00:48:54,189 yeah. 885 00:48:57,503 --> 00:48:58,868 Blimey, Nathe. 886 00:49:05,845 --> 00:49:09,042 STEVE HARLEY SINGING: you've done it all 887 00:49:09,081 --> 00:49:12,107 you've broken every code... 888 00:49:12,151 --> 00:49:14,119 GERALD: Come on. Come on. 889 00:49:14,153 --> 00:49:16,246 One, two. One, two. 890 00:49:16,288 --> 00:49:17,915 One, two... 891 00:49:19,425 --> 00:49:21,450 And three... 892 00:49:21,494 --> 00:49:23,121 and four. 893 00:49:23,162 --> 00:49:25,392 Good. 894 00:49:25,431 --> 00:49:27,991 And twenty. And one for luck. 895 00:49:28,033 --> 00:49:30,001 Nine... 896 00:49:30,035 --> 00:49:31,229 ten! 897 00:49:31,270 --> 00:49:33,067 -Unh! -Unh! 898 00:49:33,105 --> 00:49:36,973 STEVE HARLEY SINGING: Blue eyes, blue eyes 899 00:49:37,009 --> 00:49:43,812 How can you tell so many lies? 900 00:49:43,849 --> 00:49:45,646 Come up and see me 901 00:49:45,684 --> 00:49:50,383 Make me smile 902 00:49:50,422 --> 00:49:52,390 I'll do what you want 903 00:49:52,424 --> 00:49:56,690 Running wild 904 00:49:56,729 --> 00:49:58,856 [Whistle blowing] 905 00:50:01,667 --> 00:50:02,759 Ha ha! 906 00:50:04,937 --> 00:50:06,097 [Whistle blows] 907 00:50:06,138 --> 00:50:07,662 GUY: What? 908 00:50:13,145 --> 00:50:14,442 LOMPER: Get off! 909 00:50:22,221 --> 00:50:23,279 GERALD: yeah! 910 00:50:23,322 --> 00:50:26,291 -yes! -Ha ha ha! 911 00:50:38,904 --> 00:50:40,030 GUY: It's not straight. 912 00:50:40,072 --> 00:50:42,438 LOMPER: Give over. It's only a poster. 913 00:50:44,743 --> 00:50:45,869 [Laughing] 914 00:50:45,911 --> 00:50:48,402 GAZ: Christ all-bloody-mighty. 915 00:50:49,982 --> 00:50:51,882 All right, sweethearts? 916 00:50:51,917 --> 00:50:55,409 SHERYL: Gary the lad. What you up to, shifty? 917 00:50:55,454 --> 00:50:57,752 GAZ: Bit of this, bit of that, bit of the other. 918 00:50:59,959 --> 00:51:01,950 Just a bit of advertising for some mates. 919 00:51:01,994 --> 00:51:03,723 Oh, aye. 920 00:51:03,762 --> 00:51:06,560 And who's gonna come and see your mates? 921 00:51:06,599 --> 00:51:08,794 We had the real thing up here the other day, you know. 922 00:51:08,834 --> 00:51:11,302 GAZ: Well, us mates are better. 923 00:51:11,837 --> 00:51:14,101 Better? How's that, then? 924 00:51:14,139 --> 00:51:15,299 GAZ: Well... 925 00:51:17,509 --> 00:51:18,737 this lot go all the way. 926 00:51:18,777 --> 00:51:20,540 -Stark naked? -Don't they, lads? 927 00:51:20,579 --> 00:51:23,013 SHERYL: The full monty? you lot? 928 00:51:23,816 --> 00:51:25,841 Ha ha ha! Hellfire! 929 00:51:25,884 --> 00:51:29,149 That would be worth a look. See you there, then. 930 00:51:29,188 --> 00:51:31,281 [Women laughing] 931 00:51:31,323 --> 00:51:32,449 GAZ: Keep your hair on. 932 00:51:32,491 --> 00:51:35,722 DAVE: No way, no, and never, in that order, kid. 933 00:51:35,761 --> 00:51:36,853 HORSE: Excuse me? 934 00:51:36,895 --> 00:51:39,830 No one said anything to me about the full monty. 935 00:51:39,865 --> 00:51:41,332 But you heard 'em. 936 00:51:41,367 --> 00:51:44,097 We got to give 'em something your average stripper don't. 937 00:51:44,136 --> 00:51:47,230 yeah, but me willy? I mean to say-- 938 00:51:47,273 --> 00:51:48,831 LOMPER: your willy? My willy. 939 00:51:48,874 --> 00:51:51,035 GERALD: A laughingstock. Totally. 940 00:51:51,076 --> 00:51:52,236 Well, they're coming, aren't they? 941 00:51:52,278 --> 00:51:55,042 LOMPER: With a pair of scissors. They know it's us, you know. 942 00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:56,911 GAZ: And by closing time, every bugger in Sheffield... 943 00:51:56,949 --> 00:51:59,850 is going to know it's us whether we do it or don't. 944 00:51:59,885 --> 00:52:02,615 We can either forget it, go back to fucking Jobclub... 945 00:52:02,655 --> 00:52:04,714 or do it and just maybe get rich. 946 00:52:05,391 --> 00:52:07,052 And I tell you... 947 00:52:07,092 --> 00:52:08,252 folks don't laugh so loud... 948 00:52:08,294 --> 00:52:10,660 when you've a grand in your back pocket. 949 00:52:11,463 --> 00:52:13,363 Now, are you in... 950 00:52:13,399 --> 00:52:14,764 or are you out? 951 00:52:15,768 --> 00:52:18,100 RADIO: Heavy rain is causing all sorts of problems... 952 00:52:18,137 --> 00:52:19,900 for drivers on the Pennines... 953 00:52:19,938 --> 00:52:23,101 where the A57's closed at Castletown. 954 00:52:23,142 --> 00:52:25,906 So please avoid the area if possible. 955 00:52:25,944 --> 00:52:27,707 The good news is that the outlook... 956 00:52:27,746 --> 00:52:29,976 for the rest of the week is much better... 957 00:52:30,015 --> 00:52:31,880 with the storms clearing by Friday... 958 00:52:31,917 --> 00:52:34,681 to leave the weekend warm and sunny. 959 00:52:34,720 --> 00:52:36,517 Now back to the music. 960 00:52:36,555 --> 00:52:39,183 Here's another disco classic from the seventies. 961 00:52:39,224 --> 00:52:43,320 It's Donna Summer with "Hot Stuff." 962 00:52:43,362 --> 00:52:45,353 [Music plays] 963 00:52:51,303 --> 00:52:52,463 DONNA SUMMER SINGING: Sittin' here 964 00:52:52,504 --> 00:52:55,234 Eatin' my heart out waitin' 965 00:52:55,274 --> 00:52:58,175 Waitin' for some lover to call 966 00:52:59,244 --> 00:53:03,305 Dialed about a thousand numbers lately 967 00:53:03,349 --> 00:53:06,182 Almost rang the phone off the wall 968 00:53:06,218 --> 00:53:10,621 Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, this evenin' 969 00:53:10,656 --> 00:53:14,524 I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight 970 00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:18,963 I want some hot stuff, baby, this evenin' 971 00:53:18,997 --> 00:53:20,965 Gotta have some hot stuff 972 00:53:20,999 --> 00:53:25,163 Gotta have some love tonight 973 00:53:26,705 --> 00:53:28,900 I need hot stuff 974 00:53:30,109 --> 00:53:33,169 I want some hot stuff 975 00:53:42,388 --> 00:53:43,980 GERALD: No. 976 00:53:44,022 --> 00:53:45,580 GUY: Gerald. Come on, mate. 977 00:53:45,624 --> 00:53:46,921 Just an hour. 978 00:53:46,959 --> 00:53:48,950 ["We Are Family" playing] 979 00:53:50,963 --> 00:53:52,794 HORSE: There's some fit birds in there. 980 00:53:55,300 --> 00:53:57,734 LOMPER: Nah, tits are too big. 981 00:53:57,770 --> 00:54:00,796 HORSE: yeah? Didn't know they could be. 982 00:54:03,075 --> 00:54:05,009 "Anti-wrinkle cream." 983 00:54:05,978 --> 00:54:08,071 Can fellas use this and all? 984 00:54:08,113 --> 00:54:09,580 GERALD: Do you mind, you? 985 00:54:09,615 --> 00:54:11,378 [Music stops] 986 00:54:11,417 --> 00:54:14,215 DAVE: I just pray they're a bit more understanding... 987 00:54:14,253 --> 00:54:15,777 about us, that's all. 988 00:54:17,055 --> 00:54:18,215 HORSE: you what? 989 00:54:19,057 --> 00:54:21,855 DAVE: They're going to be looking at us like that. 990 00:54:23,395 --> 00:54:24,987 What if, next Friday... 991 00:54:25,030 --> 00:54:26,657 four hundred women turn round and say... 992 00:54:26,698 --> 00:54:28,131 "He's too fat, he's too old... 993 00:54:28,167 --> 00:54:31,136 "and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser." 994 00:54:31,170 --> 00:54:32,296 HORSE: They wouldn't say that. 995 00:54:32,337 --> 00:54:34,362 DAVE: He's just said her tits are too big. 996 00:54:34,406 --> 00:54:37,136 That's different. We're blokes. 997 00:54:37,176 --> 00:54:38,871 DAVE: yeah, and? 998 00:54:38,911 --> 00:54:40,879 GERALD: I think she's got nice tits, actually. 999 00:54:40,913 --> 00:54:42,744 LOMPER: I never said owt about her personality. 1000 00:54:42,781 --> 00:54:44,976 She's probably quite nice if you get to know her. 1001 00:54:45,017 --> 00:54:48,350 No, and they won't say nowt about your personality, neither. 1002 00:54:48,387 --> 00:54:49,854 Which is good, 'cause you're basically a bastard. 1003 00:54:49,888 --> 00:54:52,118 Bollocks to your personality. 1004 00:54:52,157 --> 00:54:54,148 This is what they're looking at, right? 1005 00:54:54,193 --> 00:54:55,990 And I tell you summat, mate... 1006 00:54:56,028 --> 00:54:57,620 anti-wrinkle cream there may be... 1007 00:54:57,663 --> 00:55:00,097 but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none. 1008 00:55:01,667 --> 00:55:03,601 GUY: Uh, lads... 1009 00:55:09,708 --> 00:55:11,676 DAVE: Oh, mother. 1010 00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:13,575 Bloody hell. 1011 00:55:13,612 --> 00:55:16,342 GUY: Gaz said he wanted something flashy, you know? 1012 00:55:16,381 --> 00:55:18,178 Hey, it's top of the range. Real leather-like. 1013 00:55:18,217 --> 00:55:19,844 DAVE: yeah, but... 1014 00:55:19,885 --> 00:55:21,284 you don't get much for your money, do you? 1015 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,914 -What day is it again? -Monday. 1016 00:55:23,956 --> 00:55:26,754 -And when are we on? -Friday. 1017 00:55:26,792 --> 00:55:28,555 Dress rehearsal tomorrow. 1018 00:55:28,594 --> 00:55:30,084 [Sniffs] 1019 00:55:31,430 --> 00:55:33,091 I think I'm gonna be sick. 1020 00:55:40,830 --> 00:55:42,297 HORSE: How can I read the instructions? 1021 00:55:42,331 --> 00:55:43,593 There wasn't any. 1022 00:55:43,633 --> 00:55:46,534 No. Well, maybe there's a part missing. 1023 00:55:46,569 --> 00:55:49,561 yeah, got that. If that's what you call it. 1024 00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:53,265 Well, if it's all there, how come it's not working? 1025 00:55:56,946 --> 00:55:58,914 What do you mean, in what sense? 1026 00:55:58,948 --> 00:56:01,883 It's not working in the sense that it's not working. 1027 00:56:03,219 --> 00:56:04,584 No, I can't speak up. 1028 00:56:04,620 --> 00:56:06,178 Nothing's happening, you know what I'm saying? 1029 00:56:06,222 --> 00:56:07,951 Nothing's getting bigger. 1030 00:56:09,091 --> 00:56:11,525 Well, this is an emergency, is this. 1031 00:57:02,144 --> 00:57:03,668 JEAN: What's the matter, big man? 1032 00:57:07,717 --> 00:57:09,150 DAVE: I'm sorry. 1033 00:57:16,759 --> 00:57:18,317 Dave. 1034 00:57:23,199 --> 00:57:24,359 Dave. 1035 00:57:26,035 --> 00:57:28,663 DONNA SUMMER SINGING: Love with a warm-blooded lover 1036 00:57:28,704 --> 00:57:31,696 Wanna bring a wild man back home 1037 00:57:31,741 --> 00:57:36,007 Gotta have some hot love, baby, this evenin' 1038 00:57:36,045 --> 00:57:38,445 I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight 1039 00:57:38,481 --> 00:57:39,743 NATHAN: you're ahead. 1040 00:57:41,017 --> 00:57:43,008 Oh, give us a break, will you? 1041 00:57:46,288 --> 00:57:48,119 GAZ: All right, kid. 1042 00:57:50,693 --> 00:57:52,092 Tell us straight. 1043 00:57:52,128 --> 00:57:53,993 We're not making the biggest arses of ourselves... 1044 00:57:54,030 --> 00:57:55,793 in known universe, are we? 1045 00:59:06,302 --> 00:59:10,102 GERALD: Dave, mate, can I have a word? 1046 00:59:10,139 --> 00:59:11,834 In private, like? 1047 00:59:13,275 --> 00:59:15,743 DAVE: yeah, suppose so. 1048 00:59:15,778 --> 00:59:17,370 GERALD: you won't tell anyone, will you? 1049 00:59:19,014 --> 00:59:22,074 DAVE: No. your secret's safe with me. 1050 00:59:24,420 --> 00:59:27,048 GERALD: When I were about twelve... 1051 00:59:27,089 --> 00:59:30,581 our school took us for swimming lessons. 1052 00:59:31,293 --> 00:59:33,352 Mixed classes. 1053 00:59:33,395 --> 00:59:35,363 you know--boys... 1054 00:59:36,198 --> 00:59:37,961 and, uh... 1055 00:59:39,168 --> 00:59:40,829 and girls. 1056 00:59:43,038 --> 00:59:46,098 Oh. It were terrible, Dave. 1057 00:59:46,142 --> 00:59:47,871 I were there... 1058 00:59:47,910 --> 00:59:50,276 standing at the side of pool in me trunks... 1059 00:59:50,312 --> 00:59:53,975 with all these pretty lasses around in bikinis. 1060 00:59:54,016 --> 00:59:56,075 And, well, l... 1061 00:59:56,118 --> 00:59:58,018 I got, uh... 1062 01:00:01,524 --> 01:00:02,684 Well, l... 1063 01:00:03,926 --> 01:00:05,791 I got a stiffy. 1064 01:00:07,396 --> 01:00:08,590 What did you do? 1065 01:00:08,631 --> 01:00:11,930 GERALD: I jumped into deep end. I nearly fucking drowned. 1066 01:00:11,967 --> 01:00:14,800 But what if it happens again? 1067 01:00:14,837 --> 01:00:16,998 Think of that, eh? In front of four hundred women. 1068 01:00:17,039 --> 01:00:18,267 Gerald... 1069 01:00:19,408 --> 01:00:21,273 you're talking to the wrong man. 1070 01:00:28,817 --> 01:00:30,182 GERALD: I thought you said it were just your mum. 1071 01:00:30,219 --> 01:00:33,780 HORSE: It's family, isn't it? What can you do? 1072 01:00:33,822 --> 01:00:35,050 GERALD: Who the hellfire is that? 1073 01:00:36,325 --> 01:00:38,020 HORSE: Oh, no. 1074 01:00:39,495 --> 01:00:42,396 It's Beryl, my niece. 1075 01:00:43,666 --> 01:00:45,031 NATHAN: Where's Dave? 1076 01:00:50,673 --> 01:00:51,833 GAZ: Here, Dave. 1077 01:00:52,908 --> 01:00:55,001 Dave! What are you doing? 1078 01:00:55,044 --> 01:00:56,671 DAVE: What does it look like? 1079 01:00:56,712 --> 01:00:59,613 GAZ: We're on in three days. Where the fuck are you? 1080 01:01:00,516 --> 01:01:03,349 DAVE: I'm here-- working, earning--that's where. 1081 01:01:03,385 --> 01:01:04,613 Not pissing about. 1082 01:01:05,487 --> 01:01:06,647 End of chat. 1083 01:01:08,691 --> 01:01:10,818 GAZ: Dave. 1084 01:01:10,859 --> 01:01:12,884 -Come on, Dave. -No. 1085 01:01:13,629 --> 01:01:15,187 GAZ: All right, then. 1086 01:01:15,231 --> 01:01:16,994 Ooh! Very nice. 1087 01:01:17,032 --> 01:01:18,897 DAVE: Gaz, please, don't. 1088 01:01:18,934 --> 01:01:20,868 GAZ: Come on, Mr. Security Guard, do your job. 1089 01:01:20,903 --> 01:01:22,063 Gazza. 1090 01:01:23,005 --> 01:01:24,632 GERALD: Horse, mate, get out there and tell them... 1091 01:01:24,673 --> 01:01:25,935 there's a bit of a delay. 1092 01:01:25,975 --> 01:01:27,442 HORSE: They won't wait forever. 1093 01:01:30,746 --> 01:01:31,940 GUY: Ohh. 1094 01:01:41,190 --> 01:01:42,817 GAZ: Keep up, you fat bastard. 1095 01:01:42,858 --> 01:01:44,416 [Alarm sounding] Aah! 1096 01:01:47,730 --> 01:01:50,358 Don't ever call me a fat bastard, all right?! 1097 01:01:50,399 --> 01:01:51,593 All right?! 1098 01:01:51,634 --> 01:01:53,101 GAZ: We need you, Dave. 1099 01:01:55,771 --> 01:01:57,068 I can't. 1100 01:02:01,210 --> 01:02:04,441 I just can't, all right? 1101 01:02:06,048 --> 01:02:07,982 HORSE: Listen... 1102 01:02:08,017 --> 01:02:10,815 just think of the most boring thing you can come up with. 1103 01:02:10,853 --> 01:02:12,252 That should keep it well in order. 1104 01:02:12,288 --> 01:02:14,984 -Like what? -Double glazing salesmen? 1105 01:02:15,024 --> 01:02:17,185 HORSE: Gardening. The Queen's speech. 1106 01:02:17,226 --> 01:02:20,855 GUY: Dire Straits' double album. Nature programs. 1107 01:02:20,896 --> 01:02:22,693 GERALD: I like nature programs. 1108 01:02:22,731 --> 01:02:24,824 GUY: Aye, but they don't give you a hard-on, do they? 1109 01:02:26,402 --> 01:02:28,461 Do they? Blimey, Gerald. 1110 01:02:28,504 --> 01:02:31,598 GERALD: Shut up! It's not funny. It's medical. 1111 01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,574 [Laughter] 1112 01:02:37,579 --> 01:02:39,137 He's not coming. 1113 01:02:40,549 --> 01:02:42,380 It's all right. We can do without him. 1114 01:02:43,585 --> 01:02:45,576 ["Rock and Roll Part Two" playing] 1115 01:02:45,621 --> 01:02:47,418 GARY GLITTER SINGING: Hey! 1116 01:02:47,456 --> 01:02:49,424 Hey! 1117 01:02:49,458 --> 01:02:51,323 Hey! 1118 01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:52,622 Hey! 1119 01:03:17,453 --> 01:03:18,920 Hey! 1120 01:03:21,457 --> 01:03:23,721 Hey! 1121 01:03:25,060 --> 01:03:28,461 Hey! 1122 01:03:28,497 --> 01:03:29,759 Hey! 1123 01:03:29,798 --> 01:03:32,028 Uhh 1124 01:03:32,067 --> 01:03:33,034 Ahh 1125 01:03:33,068 --> 01:03:34,899 Ahh 1126 01:03:40,142 --> 01:03:42,372 Pshoo 1127 01:04:00,496 --> 01:04:03,056 Hey! 1128 01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:06,994 Hey! 1129 01:04:08,036 --> 01:04:09,901 Hey! 1130 01:04:11,573 --> 01:04:12,767 Hey! 1131 01:04:14,343 --> 01:04:15,469 GUY: Come on. 1132 01:04:15,511 --> 01:04:17,240 GARY GLITTER SINGING: Hey! 1133 01:04:17,279 --> 01:04:18,769 [Music stops] 1134 01:04:26,121 --> 01:04:28,885 WOMAN: So your daddy dances in front of you, does he? 1135 01:04:28,924 --> 01:04:30,585 When he's rehearsing. 1136 01:04:37,099 --> 01:04:39,067 We were dancing all right then and all. 1137 01:04:40,302 --> 01:04:41,894 GERALD: My feet are freezing. 1138 01:04:41,937 --> 01:04:43,370 DUTY SERGEANT: Right. 1139 01:04:43,405 --> 01:04:45,032 Name? 1140 01:04:45,073 --> 01:04:46,563 GAZ: Gary Schofield. 1141 01:04:51,046 --> 01:04:52,513 [Softly] Gerald Arthur Cooper. 1142 01:04:52,548 --> 01:04:53,879 DUTY SERGEANT: What? 1143 01:04:53,916 --> 01:04:55,577 Gerald Arthur Cooper. 1144 01:04:58,487 --> 01:05:00,421 HORSE: Barrington Mitchell. 1145 01:05:00,456 --> 01:05:02,617 -Barrington? -yeah. 1146 01:05:02,658 --> 01:05:03,920 DUTY SERGEANT: That one "R"? 1147 01:05:03,959 --> 01:05:05,927 HORSE: No, two. 1148 01:05:05,961 --> 01:05:07,952 [Baby crying] 1149 01:05:12,134 --> 01:05:13,658 GUY: [Whispering] Come on, Lomps. 1150 01:05:20,476 --> 01:05:22,341 [Both laughing] 1151 01:05:22,377 --> 01:05:24,368 [Dogs barking] 1152 01:05:27,983 --> 01:05:30,918 GAZ: Told you. Robbing pipes, that's all. 1153 01:05:30,953 --> 01:05:34,320 INSPECTOR: My friend, no bugger robs pipes in the buff. 1154 01:05:35,057 --> 01:05:36,285 GAZ: We do. 1155 01:05:36,325 --> 01:05:38,486 Don't get your clothes dirty, do you? 1156 01:05:38,527 --> 01:05:40,518 Well, don't fret, gents. 1157 01:05:40,562 --> 01:05:43,395 There's a right good laundry in Wakefield Prison. 1158 01:05:43,432 --> 01:05:44,558 GERALD: Eh? 1159 01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:46,227 [Knock on door] 1160 01:05:49,171 --> 01:05:51,366 OFFICER: Security camera tapes off the front desk. 1161 01:05:51,406 --> 01:05:53,135 INSPECTOR: What happened to the security guard? 1162 01:05:53,175 --> 01:05:54,335 Uhh! 1163 01:05:59,047 --> 01:06:00,947 [Laughter] 1164 01:06:00,983 --> 01:06:03,178 MAN: I can't believe what I'm watching. 1165 01:06:04,753 --> 01:06:06,550 GERALD: you're always ahead there. 1166 01:06:06,588 --> 01:06:08,886 GAZ: you're bloody behind, more like. 1167 01:06:08,924 --> 01:06:11,222 GERALD: Look--Excuse me, can I borrow this for a second? 1168 01:06:12,561 --> 01:06:14,188 [Giggling] 1169 01:06:14,229 --> 01:06:16,720 GERALD: Shut up, will ya? Watch. 1170 01:06:20,369 --> 01:06:23,304 INSPECTOR: He's right. you're ahead. 1171 01:06:23,338 --> 01:06:25,169 GAZ: Oh, go bollocks. 1172 01:06:25,207 --> 01:06:27,232 [Groaning] 1173 01:06:33,615 --> 01:06:36,641 LOMPER: No. Shh! Shh. Be quiet. Come on. Shh. 1174 01:06:44,993 --> 01:06:47,359 LOMPER: Whoa! Whoa! Oh! 1175 01:06:47,396 --> 01:06:49,057 Shh. Be quiet. Me mum. 1176 01:06:49,097 --> 01:06:50,428 GUY: I've always wanted to meet your mum. 1177 01:06:50,465 --> 01:06:52,330 LOMPER: Shh. Shh. 1178 01:07:01,843 --> 01:07:03,242 What do you mean I can't bloody see him? 1179 01:07:03,278 --> 01:07:05,746 He's me son! I haven't even been charged. 1180 01:07:05,781 --> 01:07:07,840 Ask Smiler in there. No charge. 1181 01:07:07,883 --> 01:07:09,180 DUTY SERGEANT: Sorry. 1182 01:07:09,217 --> 01:07:11,549 Social Services have requested an interview. 1183 01:07:11,587 --> 01:07:13,179 Have to make an appointment. 1184 01:07:18,827 --> 01:07:20,294 MAND: I've come to pick up my son. 1185 01:07:20,329 --> 01:07:22,797 DUTY SERGEANT: Oh, right. Just a minute, madam. 1186 01:07:23,765 --> 01:07:26,165 GAZ: Listen, Mand, he's fine. We've not been charged. 1187 01:07:26,201 --> 01:07:30,001 This is your great money-making enterprise--pornography? 1188 01:07:30,038 --> 01:07:32,370 GAZ: Don't be daft. We're trying to get your money. 1189 01:07:32,407 --> 01:07:34,671 MANDY: My money? Nathan's money. 1190 01:07:34,710 --> 01:07:36,940 -Here he is. -Hi, Dad. 1191 01:07:36,979 --> 01:07:39,812 -All right, kid? -yeah, fine. Hi, Mum. 1192 01:07:40,549 --> 01:07:43,313 MANDY: Come on, luv. We're going now. 1193 01:07:43,352 --> 01:07:44,546 GAZ: Come on, Mand. 1194 01:07:44,586 --> 01:07:47,783 MANDY: Unemployed, maintenance arrears of 700 pound... 1195 01:07:47,823 --> 01:07:50,291 and now you've been arrested for indecent exposure. 1196 01:07:50,325 --> 01:07:52,054 Still think you're a suitable father? 1197 01:07:52,094 --> 01:07:54,062 -He is trying. -See? 1198 01:07:54,096 --> 01:07:57,224 -It's a bit late. -Hang on. 1199 01:07:57,265 --> 01:08:00,632 MANDY: Look at yourself, Gary. Just look at yourself. 1200 01:08:37,806 --> 01:08:39,103 MAN: All right, mate? 1201 01:08:40,575 --> 01:08:41,735 LINDA: So... 1202 01:08:42,778 --> 01:08:43,938 GERALD: yeah. 1203 01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:46,347 LINDA: And this has been going on how long? 1204 01:08:47,716 --> 01:08:48,910 Uh... 1205 01:08:50,686 --> 01:08:52,517 about six months. 1206 01:08:58,493 --> 01:09:00,757 LINDA: I can cope with losing the sun-bed... 1207 01:09:01,596 --> 01:09:03,757 the car, the television. 1208 01:09:04,833 --> 01:09:07,358 I can even cope with the shame of everyone watching this. 1209 01:09:08,570 --> 01:09:12,028 But six months? Six bloody months! 1210 01:09:12,074 --> 01:09:14,508 And you wouldn't say to me... 1211 01:09:15,544 --> 01:09:16,772 to your wife. 1212 01:09:21,316 --> 01:09:23,216 I thought you liked them. 1213 01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:26,911 No, Gerald, I've never liked them. 1214 01:09:39,334 --> 01:09:40,631 [Knock on door] 1215 01:09:52,013 --> 01:09:55,779 They've taken me sun-bed. They've taken bloody everything. 1216 01:09:55,817 --> 01:09:57,341 Kept hold of your chips, though. 1217 01:09:57,385 --> 01:10:00,650 GERALD: House repossessed, wife thrown me out. 1218 01:10:00,689 --> 01:10:01,849 Guess what? 1219 01:10:03,792 --> 01:10:04,952 I've just been offered that job. 1220 01:10:06,128 --> 01:10:07,425 GAZ: Congratulations. 1221 01:10:16,690 --> 01:10:17,679 -All right, kid? -Hiya. 1222 01:10:17,725 --> 01:10:19,955 -Fancy a kick about in park? -yeah. 1223 01:10:19,994 --> 01:10:21,723 [Car doors close] 1224 01:10:23,197 --> 01:10:25,995 MANDY: Nathe? Hiya. All right, luv? 1225 01:10:26,033 --> 01:10:27,364 you shouldn't be here. 1226 01:10:27,401 --> 01:10:30,893 -Says who? -Read the lawyer's letter. 1227 01:10:32,606 --> 01:10:34,471 We're going swimming, Dad. Do you want to come? 1228 01:10:38,512 --> 01:10:39,843 I can't, kid. 1229 01:10:41,081 --> 01:10:42,309 Haven't brought me trunks, have l? 1230 01:10:43,417 --> 01:10:44,714 We can go get them, can't we, Mum? 1231 01:10:44,752 --> 01:10:46,219 GAZ: I can't, luv. 1232 01:10:46,253 --> 01:10:47,413 Why? 1233 01:10:48,989 --> 01:10:50,251 I just... 1234 01:10:52,693 --> 01:10:54,888 I just can't. Sorry. 1235 01:10:56,397 --> 01:10:58,024 He's not allowed, is he? 1236 01:11:03,270 --> 01:11:04,737 MANDY: Come on, luv. 1237 01:11:12,613 --> 01:11:14,103 [Car doors close] 1238 01:11:22,756 --> 01:11:23,950 [Gaz kicks ball] 1239 01:11:43,010 --> 01:11:44,341 GAZ: Dave. 1240 01:11:44,378 --> 01:11:45,936 Oi, you deaf git. 1241 01:11:47,047 --> 01:11:49,515 DAVE: What do you want now? I'm finished with it. 1242 01:11:49,550 --> 01:11:53,509 GAZ: We're all finished, Dave. I'm a bloody marked man now. 1243 01:11:55,823 --> 01:11:58,917 DAVE: Sorry about your Nathan. It's a bad one that. 1244 01:11:58,959 --> 01:12:00,119 GAZ: Ah... 1245 01:12:01,695 --> 01:12:03,595 It's about Lomper. 1246 01:12:03,630 --> 01:12:06,394 DAVE: What's that pasty-faced chuffer want? 1247 01:12:06,433 --> 01:12:08,492 GAZ: His mum died two days ago. 1248 01:12:09,703 --> 01:12:10,863 Ah. 1249 01:12:11,805 --> 01:12:13,636 Poor lad. I'm sorry. 1250 01:12:13,674 --> 01:12:16,074 you couldn't borrow us a jacket for the funeral? 1251 01:12:16,110 --> 01:12:17,873 -Gaz. -Oh, come on, Dave. 1252 01:12:17,911 --> 01:12:19,503 It's not for me. It's a funeral. 1253 01:12:23,517 --> 01:12:25,246 What color? 1254 01:12:26,887 --> 01:12:28,013 Orange. 1255 01:12:28,055 --> 01:12:31,718 -Orange? -Black, for fuck's sake. 1256 01:12:31,759 --> 01:12:33,750 All right, look, I'll meet you by the doors. 1257 01:12:45,572 --> 01:12:47,802 -Nice one. -Come on, then. 1258 01:12:48,809 --> 01:12:50,140 GAZ: you've got some time off? 1259 01:12:50,177 --> 01:12:53,704 DAVE: Nah. That Pick 'n' Mix were driving me crazy. 1260 01:12:53,747 --> 01:12:55,738 Besides, it's a funeral. 1261 01:12:55,783 --> 01:12:56,943 you ready? 1262 01:12:57,885 --> 01:12:59,045 GAZ: Ready when you are. 1263 01:13:00,487 --> 01:13:01,613 [Alarm sounding] 1264 01:13:01,655 --> 01:13:03,122 -Yaah! -Ha ha ha! 1265 01:13:03,157 --> 01:13:05,216 [Cornet playing] 1266 01:13:19,173 --> 01:13:21,141 [Brass band playing] 1267 01:14:09,056 --> 01:14:11,286 GAZ: They bloody are, you know. 1268 01:14:11,325 --> 01:14:13,054 They're holding hands. 1269 01:14:13,093 --> 01:14:15,186 -They're never. -Straight up. 1270 01:14:17,197 --> 01:14:19,893 DAVE: I never even hold hands with ruddy ladies, me. 1271 01:14:19,933 --> 01:14:21,525 Maybe I should. 1272 01:14:22,803 --> 01:14:25,636 Well, who'd have bloody thought it, eh? 1273 01:14:27,708 --> 01:14:30,575 Ah, well, there's nowt as queer as folk. 1274 01:14:32,379 --> 01:14:37,112 Eh, Gaz, I said there's nowt as queer as folk. 1275 01:14:37,150 --> 01:14:39,550 GAZ: Shut up, Dave. It's supposed to be a bloody funeral. 1276 01:14:39,586 --> 01:14:41,019 DAVE: I'm sorry. 1277 01:14:51,331 --> 01:14:53,196 WOMAN: Hey, look. Who's that? 1278 01:14:53,233 --> 01:14:54,495 -It's that guy. -Show us your pecs! 1279 01:14:54,535 --> 01:14:55,661 [Woman wolf whistles] 1280 01:14:55,702 --> 01:14:57,135 SECOND WOMAN: Let's see your knob, boy. 1281 01:14:57,170 --> 01:14:59,161 [Woman whistling] 1282 01:15:00,307 --> 01:15:01,968 WOMAN: They were together in the paper, weren't they? 1283 01:15:07,047 --> 01:15:08,207 WOMAN: Have you been actively seeking work... 1284 01:15:08,248 --> 01:15:10,216 over the last fortnight? 1285 01:15:10,250 --> 01:15:11,376 HORSE: yeah. 1286 01:15:11,418 --> 01:15:13,545 WOMAN: Have you done any work, paid or unpaid... 1287 01:15:13,587 --> 01:15:15,521 over the last fortnight? 1288 01:15:15,556 --> 01:15:16,955 HORSE: No. 1289 01:15:18,992 --> 01:15:20,926 That's not what I've heard. 1290 01:16:09,810 --> 01:16:11,505 CONDUCTOR: Right, come on, you lot. 1291 01:16:15,782 --> 01:16:17,511 "Slaidburn." 1292 01:16:21,188 --> 01:16:23,656 One, two, three, four. 1293 01:16:23,690 --> 01:16:25,817 [Band playing "The Stripper"] 1294 01:16:59,793 --> 01:17:01,784 [Both singing "The Stripper"] 1295 01:17:02,929 --> 01:17:04,556 GAZ: Go get shagged. 1296 01:17:08,201 --> 01:17:10,897 [Horn honks] 1297 01:17:10,937 --> 01:17:12,564 GAZ: Oh, fuck. 1298 01:17:13,540 --> 01:17:15,974 ALAN: Hey, Patricia the stripper. 1299 01:17:16,009 --> 01:17:19,172 -Bugger off. -Where have you bloody been? 1300 01:17:19,212 --> 01:17:21,476 What's going on? I've had to buy in twenty barrels. 1301 01:17:21,515 --> 01:17:23,005 I've heard not a word from you. 1302 01:17:23,050 --> 01:17:25,348 Well, I hope they're sale or return. 1303 01:17:25,385 --> 01:17:28,320 you're joking. you're bloody famous. 1304 01:17:28,355 --> 01:17:30,152 yeah, don't remind me. 1305 01:17:30,190 --> 01:17:32,522 ALAN: yeah, I've sold two hundred odd tickets. 1306 01:17:32,559 --> 01:17:34,459 How many? 1307 01:17:34,494 --> 01:17:36,223 MANAGER: Well done, Gerald. All the best. 1308 01:17:36,263 --> 01:17:37,560 GERALD: All right, sir. 1309 01:17:37,597 --> 01:17:39,656 MANAGER: Hey! Example for you there. 1310 01:17:44,071 --> 01:17:46,471 -Hey, nice suit, Gerald. -yeah. 1311 01:17:47,407 --> 01:17:49,637 GERALD: Well, l--I best be off. you never know. 1312 01:17:49,676 --> 01:17:51,405 There might be a job in it for you boys. 1313 01:17:51,445 --> 01:17:53,003 I'll see what I can do. 1314 01:17:53,046 --> 01:17:54,536 GAZ: All right, lads. 1315 01:17:54,581 --> 01:17:55,878 GERALD: Gaz. 1316 01:17:55,916 --> 01:17:57,315 GAZ: We're on. 1317 01:17:58,285 --> 01:18:00,480 -We're bloody on. -What? 1318 01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:02,750 We've sold two hundred tickets. 1319 01:18:02,789 --> 01:18:04,017 That's two grand already. 1320 01:18:04,057 --> 01:18:05,217 GERALD: It's a bit late for that. 1321 01:18:05,258 --> 01:18:08,625 I mean, fresh start, you know? 1322 01:18:09,696 --> 01:18:11,186 GAZ: One more time, Gerald. 1323 01:18:11,231 --> 01:18:13,563 you got the rest of your fucking life to wear a suit, man. 1324 01:18:15,068 --> 01:18:16,865 HORSE: Come on, Gerald. 1325 01:18:16,903 --> 01:18:18,427 GUY: Aye, go on, Gerald. 1326 01:18:22,075 --> 01:18:23,906 -Just once. -yes! 1327 01:18:23,944 --> 01:18:25,070 GERALD: That's all. 1328 01:18:25,112 --> 01:18:26,409 Just tonight. 1329 01:18:28,949 --> 01:18:30,177 GAZ: How about it, Dave? 1330 01:18:31,585 --> 01:18:33,849 Haven't you grown out of all that yet? 1331 01:18:34,888 --> 01:18:36,253 Come on, mate. 1332 01:18:37,357 --> 01:18:38,483 Nah. 1333 01:18:38,525 --> 01:18:39,856 Sorry, lads. 1334 01:18:48,368 --> 01:18:49,528 DAVE: Jean? 1335 01:18:52,372 --> 01:18:53,737 Jean, luv? 1336 01:19:01,548 --> 01:19:02,708 There you are. 1337 01:19:09,055 --> 01:19:10,352 JEAN: I should've guessed... 1338 01:19:10,390 --> 01:19:12,688 when you started wearing tottie lotion. 1339 01:19:12,726 --> 01:19:14,216 you never put it on for me, did you? 1340 01:19:14,261 --> 01:19:15,888 DAVE: Jean? 1341 01:19:15,929 --> 01:19:17,328 JEAN: But this... 1342 01:19:18,899 --> 01:19:21,732 Never had you down for this sort of caper. 1343 01:19:23,069 --> 01:19:25,537 Explains a few things, at least. 1344 01:19:25,572 --> 01:19:28,439 No. Look, I know it don't look good, but-- 1345 01:19:28,475 --> 01:19:30,739 you're bloody right it don't. 1346 01:19:32,078 --> 01:19:34,546 All those nights you were late back... 1347 01:19:34,581 --> 01:19:36,412 and stupid cow here... 1348 01:19:36,449 --> 01:19:38,815 thought you were out looking for a job. 1349 01:19:38,852 --> 01:19:40,911 Well, no wonder. 1350 01:19:40,954 --> 01:19:42,819 No bloody wonder. 1351 01:19:42,856 --> 01:19:44,483 It's so obvious. 1352 01:19:44,524 --> 01:19:46,651 No. I were with Gaz. Honest. 1353 01:19:46,693 --> 01:19:47,819 JEAN: Oh, right! 1354 01:19:47,861 --> 01:19:51,160 She's one of Gaz's little tarts, is she? 1355 01:19:51,198 --> 01:19:52,665 Well, that makes sense. 1356 01:19:52,699 --> 01:19:55,759 She'd have to be to put up with this kind of shit. 1357 01:19:57,070 --> 01:19:58,037 DAVE: Hey, hey! 1358 01:19:58,071 --> 01:20:00,972 Just listen, will ya?! 1359 01:20:01,007 --> 01:20:03,100 It's nowt to do with any fucking women, all right? 1360 01:20:05,712 --> 01:20:07,043 I'm... 1361 01:20:08,048 --> 01:20:09,606 I were a stripper, right? 1362 01:20:09,649 --> 01:20:12,948 Me and Gaz and some fellas... 1363 01:20:12,986 --> 01:20:14,112 thought we could make a bob or two... 1364 01:20:14,154 --> 01:20:15,451 out of taking us clothes off. 1365 01:20:18,058 --> 01:20:19,889 Strippers? 1366 01:20:19,926 --> 01:20:22,156 All right, all right. I know. 1367 01:20:22,195 --> 01:20:24,163 you... 1368 01:20:24,197 --> 01:20:25,357 and Gaz... 1369 01:20:25,398 --> 01:20:27,263 strippers? 1370 01:20:27,934 --> 01:20:29,401 We weren't that bad. 1371 01:20:31,571 --> 01:20:33,835 Only I couldn't, could l? 1372 01:20:33,874 --> 01:20:35,501 Why not? 1373 01:20:37,010 --> 01:20:39,035 DAVE: Well, look at me. 1374 01:20:41,014 --> 01:20:42,345 JEAN: So? 1375 01:20:44,351 --> 01:20:47,184 Jeanie, who wants to see this dance? 1376 01:20:49,522 --> 01:20:51,353 Me, Dave. 1377 01:20:53,026 --> 01:20:54,357 I do. 1378 01:21:04,571 --> 01:21:06,562 [Loud conversations] 1379 01:21:19,753 --> 01:21:21,186 GAZ: Women only, you tosser. 1380 01:21:21,221 --> 01:21:22,518 Women only. 1381 01:21:22,555 --> 01:21:24,853 It's on our posters, for fuck's sake. 1382 01:21:24,891 --> 01:21:26,586 No. Nobody told me. 1383 01:21:26,626 --> 01:21:27,593 GAZ: Ohh. 1384 01:21:27,627 --> 01:21:29,686 Our blokes from pub are in there. 1385 01:21:29,729 --> 01:21:31,026 The bastards. 1386 01:21:31,064 --> 01:21:33,624 GERALD: Ah, you'll be all right, mate, once you're onstage. 1387 01:21:34,534 --> 01:21:35,796 GAZ: Once I'm onstage? 1388 01:21:35,835 --> 01:21:37,598 What do you mean, once I'm onstage? 1389 01:21:37,637 --> 01:21:39,127 I'm going nowhere near the fucking stage. 1390 01:21:39,172 --> 01:21:41,367 It's suicide, that's what it is. Suicide. 1391 01:21:42,075 --> 01:21:43,633 [Gerald chuckles] 1392 01:21:43,677 --> 01:21:46,009 [Crowd cheering for the show to begin] 1393 01:21:56,389 --> 01:21:57,856 GAZ: Shit. 1394 01:21:57,891 --> 01:22:00,416 I'll give their money back. Alan, announce it, please. 1395 01:22:00,460 --> 01:22:04,123 To four hundred horny punters? Ask me another one, kid. 1396 01:22:04,164 --> 01:22:05,563 ALAN: Hey, by heck... 1397 01:22:05,598 --> 01:22:08,761 our old English teacher's on front row. 1398 01:22:08,802 --> 01:22:10,099 GAZ: We're gonna get torn to pieces. 1399 01:22:10,136 --> 01:22:11,831 They will if you don't get out there. 1400 01:22:11,871 --> 01:22:12,997 Have you ever seen... 1401 01:22:13,039 --> 01:22:14,904 a zebra brought down by a pack of wolves? 1402 01:22:14,941 --> 01:22:17,000 Marvelous, these nature programs. 1403 01:22:17,043 --> 01:22:18,169 Aren't they marvelous? 1404 01:22:18,211 --> 01:22:19,576 GERALD: Oh, brilliant, aren't they? 1405 01:22:19,612 --> 01:22:20,738 GUY: They are, aren't they? 1406 01:22:20,780 --> 01:22:22,680 GERALD: Oh, pack it in. 1407 01:22:22,716 --> 01:22:24,081 DAVE: Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz? 1408 01:22:24,117 --> 01:22:26,278 -Dave! -Dave. 1409 01:22:26,319 --> 01:22:28,617 DAVE: There were nowt on telly, so I thought I'd give it a go. 1410 01:22:28,655 --> 01:22:31,021 Oh, l, uh, found this one wandering about outside. 1411 01:22:31,057 --> 01:22:32,149 NATHAN: Wouldn't let me in. 1412 01:22:32,192 --> 01:22:34,353 GAZ: What the bloody hell are you doing here? 1413 01:22:34,394 --> 01:22:35,588 your mum'll go mad. 1414 01:22:35,628 --> 01:22:37,118 NATHAN: She's out front. 1415 01:22:37,163 --> 01:22:38,630 GAZ: ls she? 1416 01:22:38,665 --> 01:22:40,132 Barry with her? 1417 01:22:40,166 --> 01:22:41,360 NATHAN: She wouldn't let him come. 1418 01:22:41,401 --> 01:22:42,959 Said it were women only. 1419 01:22:43,003 --> 01:22:44,868 Lads, I can't hold them any longer. 1420 01:22:44,904 --> 01:22:46,064 It's now or never. 1421 01:22:47,640 --> 01:22:49,972 DAVE: Here we go. We're bloody on. 1422 01:22:50,010 --> 01:22:51,477 Go get your jacket on. 1423 01:22:54,481 --> 01:22:56,711 LOMPER: Can't we leave us G-strings on, then, Gaz? 1424 01:22:57,817 --> 01:22:58,977 GAZ: Perhaps you better had. 1425 01:22:59,019 --> 01:23:00,987 HORSE: No, we better hadn't. 1426 01:23:01,021 --> 01:23:03,421 DAVE: Listen, if we're doing this... 1427 01:23:03,456 --> 01:23:06,516 then just this once, we're doing it right. 1428 01:23:07,494 --> 01:23:08,654 Now come on. 1429 01:23:10,163 --> 01:23:12,723 ALAN: All right, come on. Put your hands together... 1430 01:23:12,766 --> 01:23:14,757 and welcome Mr. Dave Horsefall. 1431 01:23:16,736 --> 01:23:18,727 [Women screaming] 1432 01:23:24,878 --> 01:23:26,004 DAVE: OK, ladies and gents... 1433 01:23:26,046 --> 01:23:27,513 MAN: Get off, chubby! 1434 01:23:27,547 --> 01:23:29,071 DAVE: And you buggers up the back there. 1435 01:23:29,115 --> 01:23:30,548 MAN: Get on with it! 1436 01:23:30,583 --> 01:23:32,346 All right. yeah, we may not be young... 1437 01:23:32,385 --> 01:23:35,149 we may not be pretty, we may not be right good... 1438 01:23:35,188 --> 01:23:36,348 but we're here... 1439 01:23:37,390 --> 01:23:39,732 we're live, and for one night only... 1440 01:23:39,865 --> 01:23:41,457 we're going for the full monty! 1441 01:23:41,500 --> 01:23:42,694 [Cheering] 1442 01:23:44,203 --> 01:23:46,569 NATHAN: you can't miss it. Not after everything. 1443 01:23:47,706 --> 01:23:49,333 GERALD: Come on, Gaz. Hurry up. 1444 01:23:49,375 --> 01:23:50,535 GAZ: I'm sorry, lads. 1445 01:23:53,879 --> 01:23:55,403 Good luck, eh? 1446 01:23:59,552 --> 01:24:01,076 [Music begins playing] 1447 01:24:10,229 --> 01:24:12,060 TOM JONES SINGING: Huh! 1448 01:24:22,942 --> 01:24:26,207 Baby, take off your coat 1449 01:24:26,245 --> 01:24:29,237 NATHAN: I'm gonna get really annoyed with you in a minute. 1450 01:24:29,281 --> 01:24:31,579 They're cheering out there. you did that. 1451 01:24:31,617 --> 01:24:34,643 Now get out there and do your stuff. 1452 01:24:34,687 --> 01:24:36,655 GAZ: God! Is there anyone I don't get bollocked by? 1453 01:24:36,689 --> 01:24:37,849 NATHAN: Out! 1454 01:24:39,859 --> 01:24:43,056 TOM JONES SINGING: Why don't you take off your shoes? 1455 01:24:45,464 --> 01:24:49,298 Baby, take off your dress 1456 01:24:50,302 --> 01:24:52,167 yes 1457 01:24:52,204 --> 01:24:53,831 yes, yes 1458 01:24:53,873 --> 01:24:55,932 MANDY: Go on, Gaz! 1459 01:24:55,975 --> 01:24:58,944 TOM JONES SINGING: you can leave your hat on 1460 01:25:00,112 --> 01:25:04,606 you can leave your hat on 1461 01:25:04,650 --> 01:25:08,381 you can leave your hat on 1462 01:25:12,791 --> 01:25:14,224 Go over there 1463 01:25:15,361 --> 01:25:17,522 Turn on the light 1464 01:25:17,563 --> 01:25:19,895 No 1465 01:25:19,932 --> 01:25:22,196 All the lights 1466 01:25:23,369 --> 01:25:25,360 Come back here 1467 01:25:25,404 --> 01:25:28,237 Stand on the chair 1468 01:25:29,408 --> 01:25:30,841 Ooh, baby 1469 01:25:30,876 --> 01:25:32,867 That's right 1470 01:25:32,912 --> 01:25:34,812 [Playing to music] 1471 01:25:34,847 --> 01:25:38,840 Raise your arms in the air 1472 01:25:39,952 --> 01:25:41,920 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1473 01:25:41,954 --> 01:25:43,114 Now shake 'em 1474 01:25:43,155 --> 01:25:44,622 -yeah! -yay! 1475 01:25:44,657 --> 01:25:46,852 WOMAN: Go, Dave! 1476 01:25:46,892 --> 01:25:49,360 TOM JONES SINGING: you give me reason to live 1477 01:25:49,395 --> 01:25:51,886 you give me reason to live 1478 01:25:51,931 --> 01:25:54,559 you give me reason to live 1479 01:25:54,600 --> 01:25:56,067 you give me reason 1480 01:25:56,101 --> 01:25:59,070 To live 1481 01:26:00,139 --> 01:26:01,868 [Woman laughing] 1482 01:26:03,208 --> 01:26:04,766 WOMAN: Go on! 1483 01:26:04,810 --> 01:26:06,903 TOM JONES SINGING: Listen to what I say 1484 01:26:06,946 --> 01:26:09,176 BACKGROUND SINGERS: you can leave your hat on 1485 01:26:09,214 --> 01:26:11,045 JEAN: Oh, my God! 1486 01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:13,950 TOM JONES SINGING: you can leave your hat on, baby 1487 01:26:15,054 --> 01:26:17,614 Ooh hoo 1488 01:26:17,656 --> 01:26:18,884 -Yay! -Yeah! 1489 01:26:18,924 --> 01:26:20,482 BACKGROUND SINGERS: you can leave your hat on 1490 01:26:24,997 --> 01:26:26,760 TOM JONES SINGING: Ooh ooh ooh hoo 1491 01:26:26,799 --> 01:26:28,767 Ooh ooh ooh hoo hoo 1492 01:26:28,801 --> 01:26:31,361 BACKGROUND SINGERS: you can leave your hat on 1493 01:26:31,403 --> 01:26:32,927 WOMEN CHANTING: Monty! Monty! 1494 01:26:32,972 --> 01:26:34,633 Monty! Monty! 1495 01:26:34,673 --> 01:26:36,197 TOM JONES SINGING: Tell me, baby 1496 01:26:36,241 --> 01:26:37,435 [Wild cheering] 1497 01:26:38,744 --> 01:26:40,302 Tell me, baby 1498 01:26:40,346 --> 01:26:41,938 BACKGROUND SINGERS: you can leave your hat on 1499 01:26:45,851 --> 01:26:47,284 TOM JONES SINGING: Gotta hear it again 1500 01:26:48,287 --> 01:26:49,481 -Off! -Off! 1501 01:26:49,521 --> 01:26:50,715 -Off! -Off! 1502 01:26:50,756 --> 01:26:53,919 BACKGROUND SINGERS: you can leave your hat on 1503 01:26:55,728 --> 01:26:57,320 [Wild cheering] 1504 01:26:59,932 --> 01:27:01,058 -Yeah! -Yeah! 1505 01:27:01,100 --> 01:27:04,069 TOM JONES SINGING: you can leave 1506 01:27:04,103 --> 01:27:05,229 your 1507 01:27:05,270 --> 01:27:10,902 Hat on 1508 01:27:10,943 --> 01:27:12,137 Yeah! 1509 01:27:13,278 --> 01:27:14,939 Leave your hat on, baby 1510 01:27:35,234 --> 01:27:37,896 HOT CHOCOLATE SINGING: I believe in miracles 1511 01:27:39,238 --> 01:27:40,865 Where you from 1512 01:27:40,906 --> 01:27:42,874 you sexy thing? 1513 01:27:42,908 --> 01:27:44,375 Sexy thing, you 1514 01:27:44,410 --> 01:27:46,742 I believe in miracles 1515 01:27:47,913 --> 01:27:49,881 Since you came along 1516 01:27:49,915 --> 01:27:52,247 you sexy thing 1517 01:28:02,428 --> 01:28:04,555 Where did you come from 1518 01:28:04,596 --> 01:28:06,427 Baby? 1519 01:28:07,433 --> 01:28:08,900 How did you know 1520 01:28:08,934 --> 01:28:10,925 I needed you? 1521 01:28:11,937 --> 01:28:13,404 How did you know 1522 01:28:13,439 --> 01:28:15,907 I needed you so badly? 1523 01:28:15,941 --> 01:28:17,909 How did you know 1524 01:28:17,943 --> 01:28:20,411 I'd give my heart gladly? 1525 01:28:20,446 --> 01:28:22,243 yesterday 1526 01:28:22,281 --> 01:28:24,909 I was one of the lonely people 1527 01:28:24,950 --> 01:28:27,077 Now you're lying close to me 1528 01:28:27,119 --> 01:28:29,747 Makin' love to me 1529 01:28:29,788 --> 01:28:32,279 I believe in miracles 1530 01:28:33,625 --> 01:28:35,650 Where you from 1531 01:28:35,694 --> 01:28:37,161 you sexy thing? 1532 01:28:37,196 --> 01:28:38,857 Sexy thing, you 1533 01:28:38,897 --> 01:28:41,229 I believe in miracles 1534 01:28:42,568 --> 01:28:44,365 Since you came along 1535 01:28:44,403 --> 01:28:46,894 you sexy thing 1536 01:28:57,249 --> 01:28:59,217 Where did you come from 1537 01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:00,912 Angel? 1538 01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,547 How did you know 1539 01:29:03,589 --> 01:29:05,557 I'd be the one? 1540 01:29:06,925 --> 01:29:08,222 Did you know 1541 01:29:08,260 --> 01:29:10,660 you're everything I prayed for? 1542 01:29:11,663 --> 01:29:12,925 Did you know? 1543 01:29:12,965 --> 01:29:14,899 Every night and day for? 1544 01:29:14,933 --> 01:29:16,901 Every day 1545 01:29:16,935 --> 01:29:19,733 Needing love and satisfaction 1546 01:29:19,772 --> 01:29:22,070 Now you're lying next to me 1547 01:29:22,107 --> 01:29:24,234 Givin' it to me 1548 01:29:24,276 --> 01:29:26,801 I believe in miracles 1549 01:29:28,280 --> 01:29:30,077 Where you from 1550 01:29:30,115 --> 01:29:31,742 you sexy thing? 1551 01:29:31,784 --> 01:29:33,251 Sexy thing, you 1552 01:29:33,285 --> 01:29:35,879 I believe in miracles 1553 01:29:37,055 --> 01:29:39,182 Since you came along 1554 01:29:39,224 --> 01:29:41,192 you sexy thing 1555 01:29:41,226 --> 01:29:42,523 Oh! 1556 01:29:42,561 --> 01:29:43,858 Kiss me 1557 01:29:43,896 --> 01:29:45,887 you sexy thing 1558 01:29:46,899 --> 01:29:48,526 Touch me, baby 1559 01:29:48,567 --> 01:29:50,535 you sexy thing 1560 01:29:50,569 --> 01:29:53,197 I love the way you touch me, darlin' 1561 01:29:53,238 --> 01:29:54,364 you sexy thing 1562 01:29:54,406 --> 01:29:55,873 Ohh ho! 1563 01:29:55,908 --> 01:29:57,375 It's ecstasy 1564 01:29:57,409 --> 01:29:59,400 you sexy thing 1565 01:30:00,913 --> 01:30:02,540 yesterday 1566 01:30:02,581 --> 01:30:05,049 I was one of the lonely people 1567 01:30:05,083 --> 01:30:07,551 Now you're lying close to me 1568 01:30:07,586 --> 01:30:09,884 Givin' it to me 1569 01:30:09,922 --> 01:30:12,322 I believe in miracles 1570 01:30:13,859 --> 01:30:15,554 Where you from 1571 01:30:15,594 --> 01:30:17,221 you sexy thing? 1572 01:30:17,262 --> 01:30:18,889 Sexy thing, you 1573 01:30:18,931 --> 01:30:21,456 I believe in miracles 1574 01:30:22,601 --> 01:30:24,728 Since you came along 1575 01:30:24,770 --> 01:30:26,670 you sexy thing 1576 01:30:26,705 --> 01:30:27,831 Wow! 1577 01:30:27,873 --> 01:30:29,101 Ohh, touch me 1578 01:30:32,277 --> 01:30:34,268 Kiss me, darlin' 1579 01:30:35,881 --> 01:30:38,873 I love the way you hold me, baby 1580 01:30:39,885 --> 01:30:41,352 Uh-huh 1581 01:30:41,386 --> 01:30:43,854 It's ecstasy 1582 01:30:43,889 --> 01:30:46,187 Ohh! 1583 01:30:46,225 --> 01:30:47,351 It's ecstasy 1584 01:30:47,392 --> 01:30:48,882 you sexy thing, you 1585 01:30:51,029 --> 01:30:52,519 Touch me, baby 1586 01:30:52,564 --> 01:30:53,861 you sexy thing, you 1587 01:30:53,899 --> 01:30:56,697 I love the way you kiss me, darlin' 1588 01:30:56,735 --> 01:30:58,202 you sexy thing, you 1589 01:30:58,237 --> 01:30:59,704 Oh, uh-huh, yeah 1590 01:30:59,738 --> 01:31:03,196 Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you 1591 01:31:03,242 --> 01:31:05,540 Love the way you hold me 1592 01:31:05,577 --> 01:31:07,374 you sexy thing, you 1593 01:31:07,412 --> 01:31:10,040 Keep on lovin' me, darlin' 1594 01:31:10,082 --> 01:31:11,879 you sexy thing, you 1595 01:31:11,917 --> 01:31:14,545 Keep on lovin' me, baby 1596 01:31:14,586 --> 01:31:16,053 you sexy thing, you 1597 01:31:16,088 --> 01:31:18,886 Ohh, uh-huh-huh 1598 01:31:18,924 --> 01:31:20,118 Sexy thing