1 00:01:13,027 --> 00:01:14,995 20 million years ago, 2 00:01:15,029 --> 00:01:17,998 an apelike creature inhabited the earth. 3 00:01:18,032 --> 00:01:21,024 [Also Sprach Zarathustra playing] 4 00:01:41,055 --> 00:01:44,547 And the ape stood and became man. 5 00:02:00,074 --> 00:02:04,010 -Rrr! -Arrgh! 6 00:02:24,532 --> 00:02:26,523 -Ahh... -Ahh... 7 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,519 The greatest calamity that could befall early man 8 00:02:56,564 --> 00:02:59,032 was the loss of fire. 9 00:02:59,066 --> 00:03:01,967 Fire-- the mysterious phenomenon that cooked his food, 10 00:03:02,002 --> 00:03:04,971 heated his cave, and kept him alive. 11 00:03:05,005 --> 00:03:07,974 If he could not start a fire, 12 00:03:08,008 --> 00:03:10,499 he and his would surely die. 13 00:03:31,532 --> 00:03:34,000 Even in most primitive man, 14 00:03:34,034 --> 00:03:37,492 the need to create was part of his nature. 15 00:03:37,538 --> 00:03:39,506 This need,this talent 16 00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,509 clearly separated early man from animals, 17 00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:45,205 who would never know this gift. 18 00:03:49,049 --> 00:03:51,017 And here, in a cave 19 00:03:51,051 --> 00:03:53,519 somewhere in the North American continent 20 00:03:53,554 --> 00:03:55,613 about 2 million years ago, 21 00:03:55,656 --> 00:03:58,557 the first artist was born. 22 00:04:15,009 --> 00:04:19,969 And, of course, with the birth of the artist, 23 00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:23,609 came the inevitable after birth... 24 00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:25,175 The critic. 25 00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:45,505 In the year 1 million BC, 26 00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:49,031 it is thought the first homo sapien marriage occurred. 27 00:04:58,552 --> 00:05:02,989 It was shortly followed by the first homosexual marriage. 28 00:05:07,494 --> 00:05:10,952 One of the first weapons man invented 29 00:05:10,998 --> 00:05:12,989 was the spear. 30 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,489 [Pfftt!] 31 00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:16,825 [Pfftt!] 32 00:05:34,588 --> 00:05:35,646 Aah! 33 00:05:37,892 --> 00:05:41,020 Aah...Ah ah... 34 00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:54,498 Ohh...Ah-- 35 00:05:54,541 --> 00:05:57,510 In ancient times, man was ignorant 36 00:05:57,544 --> 00:06:00,513 as to the cause and nature of death, 37 00:06:00,547 --> 00:06:04,449 so death was greeted with a certain degree of awe. 38 00:06:04,485 --> 00:06:07,113 -Aw... -Aw... 39 00:06:07,154 --> 00:06:09,452 Bungwa. 40 00:06:09,490 --> 00:06:12,459 But because man did not have the time 41 00:06:12,493 --> 00:06:14,461 for complicated rituals, 42 00:06:14,495 --> 00:06:17,259 funeral services were often brief. 43 00:06:17,298 --> 00:06:18,959 -Aah! -Aah! 44 00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:19,966 [Thud] 45 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,490 [Ptooey] [Ptooey] 46 00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:26,973 Even in early man, 47 00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:31,000 the need to laugh was vital for emotional survival. 48 00:06:42,957 --> 00:06:45,517 Rrrr! 49 00:06:48,028 --> 00:06:50,963 Aaaghh! Aah! 50 00:06:50,998 --> 00:06:53,023 -Ha ha! -Ha ha! 51 00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:03,443 Aahhhh! 52 00:07:03,477 --> 00:07:06,446 Music began long before it was formalized 53 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,448 into notes and phrases. 54 00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:11,940 For mankind, it began with an accident. 55 00:07:11,986 --> 00:07:14,955 Goonga heard the sound and liked it. 56 00:07:14,989 --> 00:07:17,958 Goonga begged Gowi to repeat the beautiful scream, 57 00:07:17,992 --> 00:07:19,960 but Gowi could not. 58 00:07:19,994 --> 00:07:21,962 So Goonga thought and thought, 59 00:07:21,996 --> 00:07:24,464 and finally he found the answer. 60 00:07:24,498 --> 00:07:27,956 Ahha aha ah-- 61 00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:31,494 Aaahhh-- 62 00:07:32,673 --> 00:07:36,507 Aah ah ah ah! 63 00:07:38,178 --> 00:07:39,475 Aaahh-- 64 00:07:39,513 --> 00:07:40,980 Aaahhh! 65 00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,983 Aahahah! 66 00:07:43,017 --> 00:07:45,008 Wooh ahhh... 67 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,819 And so, music was born. 68 00:07:49,857 --> 00:07:51,825 Hallelujah 69 00:07:51,859 --> 00:07:53,952 Hallelujah 70 00:07:53,994 --> 00:07:55,985 Hallelujah, hallelujah 71 00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:57,497 Halle-lu-jah! 72 00:07:57,531 --> 00:08:01,160 Owh owh owh owhh! 73 00:08:05,973 --> 00:08:07,941 Moses went to the mountain, 74 00:08:07,975 --> 00:08:09,966 and God spoke unto him. 75 00:08:11,979 --> 00:08:14,948 Moses,this is the Lord, thy God, 76 00:08:14,982 --> 00:08:17,450 commanding you to obey my law! 77 00:08:17,484 --> 00:08:19,452 Do you hear me? 78 00:08:19,486 --> 00:08:22,455 Yes, I hear you, I hear you. 79 00:08:22,489 --> 00:08:24,957 A deaf man could hear you. 80 00:08:24,992 --> 00:08:26,459 What? 81 00:08:26,493 --> 00:08:27,960 Nothing. Forget it. 82 00:08:27,995 --> 00:08:30,964 Oh, Lord,why have You chosen me? 83 00:08:30,998 --> 00:08:33,967 What would You have me do for you? 84 00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:36,469 I shall give you my laws, 85 00:08:36,503 --> 00:08:39,472 and you shall take them unto the people. 86 00:08:39,506 --> 00:08:40,939 Yes, Lord! 87 00:08:40,974 --> 00:08:43,465 [Thunder] 88 00:08:43,510 --> 00:08:44,977 Wow! 89 00:08:50,017 --> 00:08:53,475 Lord, I shall give these laws 90 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,488 unto Thy people. 91 00:08:55,522 --> 00:08:57,990 Hear me! Oh, hear me! 92 00:08:58,025 --> 00:08:59,993 All pay heed! 93 00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:02,928 The Lord,the Lord Jehovah, 94 00:09:02,963 --> 00:09:06,126 has given unto you these 15-- 95 00:09:07,968 --> 00:09:09,435 Oy! 96 00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:13,964 10, 10 Commandments for all to obey! 97 00:09:21,482 --> 00:09:25,441 Rome--vortex of modern civilization. 98 00:09:25,486 --> 00:09:28,455 Rome--fountainhead of culture. 99 00:09:28,489 --> 00:09:31,458 Rome--blazing pronouncement 100 00:09:31,492 --> 00:09:34,655 of mankind's most glorious achievements. 101 00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:41,331 All right, now. Columns, columns! 102 00:09:41,368 --> 00:09:44,462 Columns! Columns! Get your columns here! 103 00:09:44,505 --> 00:09:46,473 Ionic, doric, corinthian! 104 00:09:46,507 --> 00:09:49,476 Put a few columns out in front, 105 00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:51,978 turn any hovel into a show place! 106 00:09:52,012 --> 00:09:54,480 Columns! Sir, don't TOUCH the merchandise! 107 00:09:54,515 --> 00:09:56,506 All right, now. Columns, columns! 108 00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:59,485 Haircut, shave, shampoo...blood letting! 109 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,489 Sooths! Soothsaying! Get your sooth said right here! 110 00:10:02,523 --> 00:10:05,492 I can tell the future! You, sir! 111 00:10:05,526 --> 00:10:08,495 For a weefee of two drachmas, 112 00:10:08,529 --> 00:10:11,259 I can tell you your future! 113 00:10:11,298 --> 00:10:14,495 Ha! Yes,yes! I see, I see! 114 00:10:14,535 --> 00:10:18,494 I see that you are going on a lo-o-ong journey! 115 00:10:18,539 --> 00:10:21,508 Yes. You, sir, are going to Rome! 116 00:10:21,542 --> 00:10:23,510 But I am in Rome! 117 00:10:23,544 --> 00:10:25,011 Do I lie? 118 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:27,013 -No! No! -Ha ha! 119 00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:30,016 Ah ha! Sooth, sooth! We give great sooth! 120 00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:31,517 Ha ha ha! 121 00:10:31,552 --> 00:10:34,020 Chariots! Used chariots! 122 00:10:34,054 --> 00:10:36,750 Low mileage! They're great! 123 00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:56,042 I'm very excited about it. 124 00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:59,045 It's a new concept. It's called a centerfold. 125 00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,047 -Ha ha! -Ha ha! 126 00:11:01,081 --> 00:11:02,480 Plumbing! 127 00:11:02,516 --> 00:11:03,983 Plumbing! 128 00:11:04,017 --> 00:11:05,985 Plumbing here! Plumbing! 129 00:11:06,019 --> 00:11:07,987 Yes, citizens, plumbing! 130 00:11:08,021 --> 00:11:10,990 It's the latest invention to hit Rome! 131 00:11:11,024 --> 00:11:14,482 It moves water from one place to another! 132 00:11:14,528 --> 00:11:16,496 It's astounding, it's amazing! 133 00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:18,498 Get on the bandwagon! 134 00:11:18,532 --> 00:11:22,491 Pipe the shit right out of your house! 135 00:11:22,536 --> 00:11:24,436 Plumbing! Plumbing here! 136 00:11:24,504 --> 00:11:27,530 Plumbing! Brand-new invention! 137 00:11:35,315 --> 00:11:36,839 Occupation? 138 00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:38,350 Gladiator. 139 00:11:38,385 --> 00:11:40,353 Did you kill last week? 140 00:11:40,387 --> 00:11:41,354 No. 141 00:11:41,388 --> 00:11:44,357 Did you try to kill last week? 142 00:11:44,391 --> 00:11:45,517 Yeah. 143 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,528 This is your last week of unemployment insurance. 144 00:11:48,562 --> 00:11:52,521 Either kill somebody, or we'll have to change your status. 145 00:11:52,566 --> 00:11:54,056 Sign here. 146 00:11:59,072 --> 00:12:00,437 Next! 147 00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:01,600 Occupation? 148 00:12:01,642 --> 00:12:03,303 Standup philosopher. 149 00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:04,401 What? 150 00:12:04,444 --> 00:12:06,469 Standup philosopher. 151 00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:09,971 I coalesce the vapor of human experience 152 00:12:10,017 --> 00:12:13,077 into a viable and logical comprehension. 153 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,281 Oh! A bullshit artist! 154 00:12:15,322 --> 00:12:17,798 Mmmmmm... 155 00:12:17,932 --> 00:12:20,457 Did you bullshit last week? 156 00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:22,128 No! 157 00:12:22,169 --> 00:12:24,694 Did you try to bullshit last week? 158 00:12:24,739 --> 00:12:26,366 Yes! 159 00:12:26,407 --> 00:12:27,738 Comicus! 160 00:12:27,775 --> 00:12:30,437 Comicus! Comicus! 161 00:12:30,478 --> 00:12:32,378 Back in the line! 162 00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:35,507 He's not in line. He's my agent, Swiftus. 163 00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,383 Good news! I just got you a job! 164 00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:40,944 Now you won't be needing this. 165 00:12:40,988 --> 00:12:42,888 Wait a minute! That's mine! 166 00:12:42,924 --> 00:12:44,892 I'm on my wine break! 167 00:12:44,926 --> 00:12:45,893 [Smash!] 168 00:12:45,927 --> 00:12:47,292 Ooh ooh oo! 169 00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:50,397 Dopus! 170 00:12:50,431 --> 00:12:53,628 I almost had the money in my hand. 171 00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:55,226 I like that. 172 00:12:55,269 --> 00:13:00,229 I bust my anus to get you a job, and you're angry? 173 00:13:00,274 --> 00:13:02,174 You are nuts, N-V-T-S, nuts! 174 00:13:02,209 --> 00:13:04,143 OK. What's the job? 175 00:13:04,178 --> 00:13:06,669 Just the best gig in Rome, 176 00:13:06,714 --> 00:13:10,013 a date that every standup philosopher, including Socrates, 177 00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:11,518 would die for. 178 00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:15,511 Believe it or not,you're going to play Caesars Palace! 179 00:13:15,556 --> 00:13:17,023 The Main Room? 180 00:13:17,058 --> 00:13:18,525 The Main Room! 181 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:19,856 -Groovus! -Groovus! 182 00:13:19,894 --> 00:13:23,853 Let's not be late! The show starts in an hour! 183 00:13:23,898 --> 00:13:25,365 The Main Room! 184 00:13:25,399 --> 00:13:27,867 10, 10, 10. 20, 20, 20. 185 00:13:27,902 --> 00:13:30,370 30,30,30. 40,40,4O. 186 00:13:30,404 --> 00:13:32,372 Do I hear 50? 187 00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:33,373 50! 188 00:13:33,407 --> 00:13:35,375 Sold for 50 libra! 189 00:13:35,409 --> 00:13:36,876 Oh, no! 190 00:13:36,911 --> 00:13:38,378 Come here,you! 191 00:13:38,412 --> 00:13:40,380 The slave auction is over! 192 00:13:40,414 --> 00:13:42,882 Take these rejects to the Colosseum! 193 00:13:42,917 --> 00:13:44,885 Sell them for lions' bait! 194 00:13:44,919 --> 00:13:46,386 -No! -No! 195 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:48,888 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 196 00:13:48,923 --> 00:13:50,891 What is this with lions? 197 00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:53,393 I cannot go to the lions 198 00:13:53,427 --> 00:13:55,395 because I happen to know 199 00:13:55,429 --> 00:13:57,920 that the lions only eat Christians! 200 00:13:57,965 --> 00:14:00,399 I am a Jew,Jewish person. 201 00:14:00,434 --> 00:14:03,835 I can prove it. Watch this. Look out. 202 00:14:03,871 --> 00:14:06,169 SINGS: Havah nagilah, havah 203 00:14:06,207 --> 00:14:07,674 Nagilah, havah 204 00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:10,142 Nagilah,vaynism' chayh Everybody! 205 00:14:10,177 --> 00:14:11,872 ALL SING: Havah nagilah, havah 206 00:14:11,912 --> 00:14:13,504 Nagilah, havah 207 00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:15,014 Nagilah, havah-- 208 00:14:15,049 --> 00:14:16,949 Now, hold it! 209 00:14:16,984 --> 00:14:18,849 I'm Jewish, I'm telling you! 210 00:14:18,886 --> 00:14:21,354 Call the temple, call the rabbi, 211 00:14:21,389 --> 00:14:23,857 call Sammus Davis Jr! Call Sammus! 212 00:14:23,891 --> 00:14:26,860 He'll vouch for me. We are tight. 213 00:14:26,894 --> 00:14:28,361 Jewish, huh? 214 00:14:28,396 --> 00:14:31,365 He missed. I jumped, and he missed. 215 00:14:31,399 --> 00:14:34,300 It was his first day. He was nervous. 216 00:14:34,335 --> 00:14:36,860 I got an appointment for Thursday. 217 00:14:36,904 --> 00:14:39,873 He'll give me a local, bup, I'm out! 218 00:14:39,907 --> 00:14:41,875 Get him out of here! 219 00:14:41,909 --> 00:14:45,538 You could make a lot of money with me! 220 00:14:45,579 --> 00:14:48,047 Wait a minute. Money? Come here. 221 00:14:48,082 --> 00:14:49,379 How? 222 00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,386 I'm very entertaining. I got special talents. 223 00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:54,820 I'll show you. I need sand. 224 00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:55,822 What? 225 00:14:55,856 --> 00:14:58,154 Sand. You're standing on it. 226 00:14:58,192 --> 00:15:02,094 Get the sand. What the hell's the matter with you? 227 00:15:02,129 --> 00:15:03,721 Thank you. 228 00:15:03,764 --> 00:15:06,733 Yes. A little sand on the stage 229 00:15:06,767 --> 00:15:09,827 for the native shim-sham sand dance. 230 00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:12,361 Look out. I'm going to start. 231 00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:24,844 Bop a do ba bow 232 00:15:24,885 --> 00:15:26,819 Born to do it! 233 00:15:26,854 --> 00:15:28,879 -Ha ha ha! -Ha ha! 234 00:15:30,891 --> 00:15:33,359 Hey,what country you from? 235 00:15:33,394 --> 00:15:34,861 Ethiopia. 236 00:15:34,895 --> 00:15:36,556 What part? 237 00:15:38,399 --> 00:15:39,866 125th Street. 238 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,834 -Ha ha! -Ha ha! 239 00:15:41,869 --> 00:15:43,336 I'll sign him. 240 00:15:44,905 --> 00:15:46,395 The big turn. 241 00:15:49,076 --> 00:15:52,102 And that's the Ethiopian... shim-sham! 242 00:15:52,146 --> 00:15:54,444 -Ooh! -Ahh! 243 00:15:54,482 --> 00:15:55,881 He's great! 244 00:15:55,916 --> 00:15:57,474 He's good! 245 00:15:57,518 --> 00:15:59,383 The kid is wonderful! 246 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:00,944 [Horse neighs] 247 00:16:00,988 --> 00:16:02,319 [Thump!] 248 00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:04,824 Go on, lazy brute, get up! 249 00:16:04,859 --> 00:16:06,827 You're costing me good money! 250 00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:08,123 -Oh! -Oh! 251 00:16:08,162 --> 00:16:09,390 -Oh! -Oh! 252 00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:12,331 Please! Stop it! The poor thing's in pain! 253 00:16:12,366 --> 00:16:15,824 Out of the way, or you'll get the same! 254 00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:17,531 No! You mustn't! 255 00:16:17,571 --> 00:16:18,833 Aah! 256 00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:21,341 Hey! Hey! What, are you crazy? 257 00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:22,364 Aaugh! 258 00:16:23,878 --> 00:16:25,846 Whoa! Ohh! 259 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,006 Oh! 260 00:16:27,047 --> 00:16:29,413 Ohh! Oww! Mmm! 261 00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:30,917 Little shot. Thanks. 262 00:16:30,951 --> 00:16:32,350 Oh,thank you. 263 00:16:32,386 --> 00:16:35,378 He was beating that poor, exhausted horse. 264 00:16:36,557 --> 00:16:37,990 Oh, gee. 265 00:16:38,025 --> 00:16:39,856 Oh, he's not exhausted. 266 00:16:39,894 --> 00:16:42,124 Here's the problem. Ahh! 267 00:16:42,163 --> 00:16:43,630 See? 268 00:16:43,664 --> 00:16:44,926 [Horse neighs] 269 00:16:44,965 --> 00:16:48,867 Come on, boy. You can get up. Come on,fella. 270 00:16:48,903 --> 00:16:50,370 Neigh! 271 00:16:50,404 --> 00:16:52,804 -Yay! -Yay! 272 00:16:57,578 --> 00:17:00,547 Wait a minute. I know this horse. 273 00:17:00,581 --> 00:17:04,813 He used to be thefastest horse at the chariot races. 274 00:17:04,852 --> 00:17:06,911 His name is Miracle. 275 00:17:06,954 --> 00:17:08,080 Neigh! 276 00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:11,819 Miracle? Oh,what a beautiful name! 277 00:17:11,859 --> 00:17:13,884 What's yours? 278 00:17:13,928 --> 00:17:17,557 Miracle--uh, Comicus. I'm a standup philosopher. 279 00:17:17,598 --> 00:17:21,227 Oh, I'm Miriam. I'm a vestal virgin. 280 00:17:21,268 --> 00:17:24,066 I'm really sorry to hear that. 281 00:17:24,104 --> 00:17:26,197 I work at the palace. 282 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,333 We're going to be there! 283 00:17:28,375 --> 00:17:29,967 Really? Aah! 284 00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:30,977 Whack! 285 00:17:31,011 --> 00:17:32,342 Aaarugh! 286 00:17:32,379 --> 00:17:33,346 Wow! 287 00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:35,348 Put her there, pal. 288 00:17:35,382 --> 00:17:37,350 Man,you saved my life! 289 00:17:37,384 --> 00:17:40,353 I'm Comicus, standup philosopher. Who are you? 290 00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:43,845 I'm Josephus. I'm the main course at the Colosseum. 291 00:17:43,891 --> 00:17:45,859 Say hello to some friends-- 292 00:17:45,893 --> 00:17:47,724 my agent, Swiftus Lazarus. 293 00:17:47,761 --> 00:17:49,353 Looked good, man. 294 00:17:49,396 --> 00:17:51,864 This is Miriam, a vestal virgin. 295 00:17:51,899 --> 00:17:52,866 Hi. 296 00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:53,867 Hi. 297 00:17:53,901 --> 00:17:55,368 Seize him! 298 00:17:55,402 --> 00:17:57,199 Oh, seize this, Honkus! 299 00:17:57,238 --> 00:17:59,604 Don't say that to the cops! 300 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,473 Do you know the punishment for a slave 301 00:18:02,509 --> 00:18:04,477 who strikes a Roman citizen? 302 00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:05,808 I do! 303 00:18:05,846 --> 00:18:08,747 OK. You. You had your hand up first. 304 00:18:08,782 --> 00:18:10,340 Death by torture! 305 00:18:10,384 --> 00:18:12,215 No. You? 306 00:18:12,253 --> 00:18:13,982 Crucifixion! 307 00:18:14,021 --> 00:18:15,181 Wrong. 308 00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:18,020 They shove a living snake up your ass. 309 00:18:18,058 --> 00:18:21,892 Ah, no, but that's very creative. Uh,you. 310 00:18:21,929 --> 00:18:24,295 They send you to the lions! 311 00:18:24,331 --> 00:18:25,696 -Right! -No! 312 00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:29,032 What do you mean, no? He was right! 313 00:18:29,069 --> 00:18:30,502 [Royal fanfare] 314 00:18:30,537 --> 00:18:32,505 -Ahh! -Ooh! 315 00:18:33,641 --> 00:18:35,006 It's the Empress! 316 00:18:35,042 --> 00:18:36,202 It's Nympho! 317 00:18:36,243 --> 00:18:39,041 Move that miserable piece of shit! 318 00:18:40,414 --> 00:18:42,382 -Yay! -Yay! 319 00:18:54,895 --> 00:18:56,863 Halt! 320 00:18:56,897 --> 00:18:58,626 Stop. 321 00:18:58,666 --> 00:19:00,361 Could you please... 322 00:19:00,401 --> 00:19:04,804 step on the same foot at the same time? 323 00:19:06,507 --> 00:19:08,498 My tits are falling off! 324 00:19:08,842 --> 00:19:10,810 Empress Nympho! Empress Nympho! 325 00:19:10,844 --> 00:19:13,312 Miriam,what are you doing here? 326 00:19:13,347 --> 00:19:15,679 Vestal virgins aren't allowed outside the palace 327 00:19:15,716 --> 00:19:16,705 without an escort. 328 00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,547 Empress,this man just saved our lives, 329 00:19:18,585 --> 00:19:20,018 and now they want to kill him! 330 00:19:20,054 --> 00:19:22,318 We need your help! 331 00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:26,815 Which one? The white guy or the colored guy? 332 00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:29,829 The colored--the slave. Please spare his life! 333 00:19:29,863 --> 00:19:34,323 Perhaps you can use him at the palace. He's truly gifted. 334 00:19:34,368 --> 00:19:36,336 Gifted. Bob? 335 00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:37,837 Yes,Your Highness. 336 00:19:37,871 --> 00:19:39,338 Oh, Bob? 337 00:19:39,373 --> 00:19:43,332 Do I have any openings that this man might fit? 338 00:19:43,377 --> 00:19:45,504 -Whoa! -Whoa! 339 00:19:45,546 --> 00:19:48,709 Well,we could use another wine steward. 340 00:19:48,749 --> 00:19:50,683 I got a great corkscrew. 341 00:19:50,718 --> 00:19:52,185 -Woo! -Woo! 342 00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:54,710 Hey,this is a hip crowd. 343 00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:57,349 All right. We'll schlep him along! 344 00:19:57,391 --> 00:20:01,851 For the time being,we'll use him as a litter bearer. 345 00:20:01,895 --> 00:20:04,090 Oh,thank you,Your Highness! 346 00:20:04,131 --> 00:20:06,031 Oh, good, oh, good! 347 00:20:06,066 --> 00:20:08,000 Good work, good work! 348 00:20:08,035 --> 00:20:09,969 Litter bearers, prepare to move! 349 00:20:12,006 --> 00:20:14,304 Litter bearers, march! 350 00:20:14,341 --> 00:20:17,333 -Yay! -Yay! 351 00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:22,045 See you at the palace. 352 00:20:22,082 --> 00:20:23,549 Good-bye. 353 00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:25,051 Good-bye. 354 00:20:25,085 --> 00:20:26,052 Bye. 355 00:20:26,086 --> 00:20:28,281 Hey,we got to go. 356 00:20:28,322 --> 00:20:30,381 We'll see you later. 357 00:20:30,424 --> 00:20:31,982 Bye-bye! 358 00:20:49,443 --> 00:20:52,435 [Royal fanfare] 359 00:20:57,451 --> 00:21:00,420 All hail Caesar, Emperor of Rome, 360 00:21:00,454 --> 00:21:02,854 monarch of the Roman Empire, 361 00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:04,949 ruler of the world! 362 00:21:04,992 --> 00:21:08,860 Hail, Caesar! Hail, Caesar! 363 00:21:08,896 --> 00:21:12,855 Hail, Caesar! Hail, Caesar! 364 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,892 Hail, Caesar! Hail, Caesar! 365 00:21:15,936 --> 00:21:19,872 Hail, Caesar! Hail, Caesar! 366 00:21:19,907 --> 00:21:23,707 Hail, Caesar! Hail, Caesar! 367 00:21:23,744 --> 00:21:27,373 Hail, Caesar! Hail, Caesar! 368 00:21:27,414 --> 00:21:28,881 Hail-- 369 00:21:28,916 --> 00:21:30,406 [Burp!] 370 00:21:31,919 --> 00:21:33,910 Ohh...Ohh... 371 00:21:37,925 --> 00:21:39,119 [Bthht!] 372 00:21:41,929 --> 00:21:43,396 [Fanfare] 373 00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:44,761 [Pfftt!] 374 00:21:50,938 --> 00:21:54,396 All hail the commander of His Majesty's Roman legions, 375 00:21:54,441 --> 00:21:57,899 the brave and noble Marcus Vindictus, 376 00:21:57,945 --> 00:22:01,346 who returns to Rome after winning a great victory 377 00:22:01,381 --> 00:22:03,872 over the Cretins at Sparta. 378 00:22:06,386 --> 00:22:09,378 Make that the Spartans at Crete! 379 00:22:13,894 --> 00:22:15,862 Remember,thou art mortal. 380 00:22:15,896 --> 00:22:17,955 Remember,thou art mortal. 381 00:22:17,998 --> 00:22:19,863 Remember,thou art mortal. 382 00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,868 Remember,thou art mortal. 383 00:22:21,902 --> 00:22:24,370 Oh, blow it out your ass. 384 00:22:24,404 --> 00:22:25,371 Ohh! 385 00:22:25,405 --> 00:22:26,804 Oh, Caesar-- 386 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,205 [Burp!] 387 00:22:28,242 --> 00:22:31,541 I have brought your illustrious name before the earth. 388 00:22:31,578 --> 00:22:34,376 I've subdued and conquered the barbaric hordes 389 00:22:34,414 --> 00:22:36,382 in the name of Rome. 390 00:22:36,416 --> 00:22:38,884 I've penetrated into the farthest-- 391 00:22:38,919 --> 00:22:40,853 What's under the sheet? 392 00:22:40,888 --> 00:22:42,378 Sheet? 393 00:22:42,422 --> 00:22:43,889 Sheet! 394 00:22:43,924 --> 00:22:46,392 Sheet! Oh! Oh,the sheet,yes. 395 00:22:46,426 --> 00:22:48,394 To begin with, number one-- 396 00:22:48,428 --> 00:22:50,396 a beautiful hand-carved alabaster... 397 00:22:50,430 --> 00:22:52,022 bathing vessel! 398 00:22:52,065 --> 00:22:53,896 Nice. 399 00:22:53,934 --> 00:22:55,902 Nice. 400 00:22:55,936 --> 00:22:58,871 Not thrilling...but nice. 401 00:22:58,906 --> 00:23:02,342 Aha! But to fill the tub, 402 00:23:02,376 --> 00:23:04,844 behind curtain number two, 403 00:23:04,878 --> 00:23:07,540 treasure from the Orient! 404 00:23:07,581 --> 00:23:09,845 [Music playing] 405 00:23:09,883 --> 00:23:12,147 [Applause] 406 00:23:12,186 --> 00:23:14,347 Treasure... 407 00:23:14,388 --> 00:23:16,356 Bathtub... 408 00:23:16,390 --> 00:23:17,857 Treasure bath. 409 00:23:17,891 --> 00:23:20,860 I'm going to have a treasure bath! 410 00:23:20,894 --> 00:23:22,759 Treasure bath! 411 00:23:22,796 --> 00:23:25,128 Treasure bath! Ha ha ha! 412 00:23:25,165 --> 00:23:26,792 Ha ha ha! 413 00:23:29,403 --> 00:23:31,871 Do it! Do it to me! 414 00:23:31,905 --> 00:23:33,896 Ha ha ha! 415 00:23:38,412 --> 00:23:41,381 Oh, Nympho. I would do anything, anything 416 00:23:41,415 --> 00:23:44,384 if you would only grant me your favors. 417 00:23:44,418 --> 00:23:48,377 How can I entice you? How can I ensnare you? 418 00:23:48,422 --> 00:23:51,880 What bait must I use to catch your love? 419 00:23:51,925 --> 00:23:53,893 I am your servant. 420 00:23:53,927 --> 00:23:55,895 Ah, but the servant waits 421 00:23:55,929 --> 00:23:57,897 while the master bathes. 422 00:23:57,931 --> 00:23:59,421 Yes-- 423 00:24:02,002 --> 00:24:03,526 Hee hee hee-- 424 00:24:06,873 --> 00:24:08,841 Ahh! Ohh! 425 00:24:08,875 --> 00:24:10,809 Here. Wash this. 426 00:24:10,844 --> 00:24:13,369 Uh,yes, sire. 427 00:24:14,881 --> 00:24:18,578 The muse...is upon me! 428 00:24:19,886 --> 00:24:21,444 Thank you, Caesar. 429 00:24:21,488 --> 00:24:23,353 All be quiet! 430 00:24:23,390 --> 00:24:26,359 His Divine Immortality has consented to favor us 431 00:24:26,393 --> 00:24:28,384 with a new poem. 432 00:24:28,428 --> 00:24:29,861 Speak, 433 00:24:29,896 --> 00:24:31,363 oh, glorious Caesar! 434 00:24:31,398 --> 00:24:32,695 Speak. 435 00:24:32,733 --> 00:24:34,200 You faggot! 436 00:24:34,234 --> 00:24:36,065 Oh,yes, sire. Thank you. 437 00:24:36,103 --> 00:24:38,037 Bring me a small lyre. 438 00:24:38,071 --> 00:24:39,595 Small liar! 439 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,541 I didn't do it! I wasn't even there! 440 00:24:42,576 --> 00:24:45,010 The check is in the mail! 441 00:24:45,045 --> 00:24:47,878 Not that kind of liar! Tmkd hnn audht! 442 00:24:47,914 --> 00:24:48,881 What? 443 00:24:48,915 --> 00:24:50,382 Take him out! 444 00:24:50,417 --> 00:24:51,509 Oh! 445 00:24:51,551 --> 00:24:54,019 Miriam,wine! 446 00:24:55,922 --> 00:24:57,412 Josephus,wine. 447 00:25:02,362 --> 00:25:03,829 Say when. 448 00:25:03,864 --> 00:25:05,354 8:30. 449 00:25:10,370 --> 00:25:13,862 It's so lonely at the top of Olympus! 450 00:25:15,876 --> 00:25:17,844 More women! More wine! 451 00:25:17,878 --> 00:25:19,209 More-- 452 00:25:22,222 --> 00:25:24,053 Ha ha ha! 453 00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:26,752 Ok,faggot! What's next? 454 00:25:26,793 --> 00:25:30,229 Comicus,the new standup philosopher from Vesuvius. 455 00:25:30,263 --> 00:25:31,890 Good! 456 00:25:31,932 --> 00:25:34,457 I like a mountain comic! 457 00:25:34,501 --> 00:25:35,729 Comicus... 458 00:25:35,769 --> 00:25:37,236 You're on. 459 00:25:37,437 --> 00:25:40,270 [Playing Hooray for Hollywood] 460 00:25:44,277 --> 00:25:46,245 Good evening, ladies and emperors. 461 00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:48,747 I just got back from Venice, 462 00:25:48,782 --> 00:25:51,250 and, boy, are my arms tired. 463 00:25:51,284 --> 00:25:52,945 [Rimshots] 464 00:25:52,986 --> 00:25:54,920 [Pfftt!] Ha ha ha! 465 00:25:54,955 --> 00:25:59,051 Venice is a very old city, very wonderful, ancient city. 466 00:25:59,092 --> 00:26:01,185 You can learn a lot. 467 00:26:01,228 --> 00:26:04,891 Want to make a Venetian blind? Like this! 468 00:26:04,931 --> 00:26:07,365 Ha ha ha! 469 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,662 Ha ha! 470 00:26:08,702 --> 00:26:12,536 Have you all heard about this new sect,the Christians? 471 00:26:12,572 --> 00:26:14,540 They are a laugh riot. 472 00:26:14,574 --> 00:26:16,542 First,they are so poor... 473 00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:18,544 How poor are they? 474 00:26:18,578 --> 00:26:21,046 Thank you. They are so poor... 475 00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:23,549 that they have only one god! 476 00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:25,050 -Ha ha! -Ha ha! 477 00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:26,211 [Rimshots] 478 00:26:26,253 --> 00:26:28,050 Ho ho ho! 479 00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:32,047 We Romans are rich. We got a god for everything, 480 00:26:32,092 --> 00:26:35,721 only we don't have a god for premature ejaculation... 481 00:26:35,762 --> 00:26:38,731 But I hear that that's coming quickly. 482 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:40,562 Ho ho! Ho ho! Ooh! 483 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,433 The little fag gets it. Ha ha! 484 00:26:43,470 --> 00:26:44,835 Terrific. Terrific. 485 00:26:44,871 --> 00:26:47,237 Let's face it. What's the rage today? 486 00:26:47,274 --> 00:26:49,799 Losing weight is all the rage. 487 00:26:49,843 --> 00:26:53,074 Everybody in Rome is either in a steam room 488 00:26:53,113 --> 00:26:54,580 or a vomitarium. 489 00:26:54,614 --> 00:26:57,549 Half of Rome is either cooking or puking! 490 00:26:57,584 --> 00:27:00,246 Cooking or puking! Ha ha ha! 491 00:27:00,287 --> 00:27:02,847 But you can't blame these people 492 00:27:02,889 --> 00:27:04,857 for wanting to be thin. 493 00:27:04,891 --> 00:27:08,486 Who wants to look like a big fat pig? 494 00:27:08,528 --> 00:27:10,860 -Oh! -Oh! 495 00:27:10,897 --> 00:27:13,195 Did he say "Bigfat pig"? 496 00:27:13,233 --> 00:27:15,201 Yes, he did, sire. 497 00:27:15,235 --> 00:27:17,203 Did he mean me? 498 00:27:17,237 --> 00:27:18,602 I believe so. 499 00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:20,606 Get off the fat jokes! 500 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,200 Get off fat! Get off fat! 501 00:27:23,243 --> 00:27:25,211 F--No fat. N--no. 502 00:27:25,245 --> 00:27:28,214 Uh,there's two Jews got off--no. 503 00:27:28,248 --> 00:27:29,738 Uh, Syrian--[pfftt!] 504 00:27:29,783 --> 00:27:31,478 Uh...No, uh... 505 00:27:31,518 --> 00:27:33,383 Politics, politics, politics, politics! 506 00:27:33,420 --> 00:27:35,388 Politics! Yes! The Roman Senate. 507 00:27:35,422 --> 00:27:38,391 The Roman Senate is the best legislature 508 00:27:38,425 --> 00:27:40,393 that money can buy! 509 00:27:40,427 --> 00:27:42,486 Corruption starts in the streets 510 00:27:42,529 --> 00:27:44,360 with the little peddlers. 511 00:27:44,397 --> 00:27:47,230 They bribe an assemblyman, he bribes a councilman, 512 00:27:47,267 --> 00:27:50,236 the councilman bribes a senator, and the senator... 513 00:27:50,270 --> 00:27:53,034 It goes all the way to the Emperor! 514 00:27:53,073 --> 00:27:54,734 Shit! 515 00:27:57,277 --> 00:27:59,336 Kill him! 516 00:27:59,379 --> 00:28:00,744 Taxi! 517 00:28:00,780 --> 00:28:02,941 Wait! No autographs, no autographs! 518 00:28:02,983 --> 00:28:04,177 Seize him! 519 00:28:04,217 --> 00:28:05,844 Seize him! 520 00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:08,251 More wine! 521 00:28:08,288 --> 00:28:09,585 More wine. 522 00:28:09,622 --> 00:28:11,249 [Burp] 523 00:28:11,291 --> 00:28:14,351 Boy,when you die at the palace, 524 00:28:14,394 --> 00:28:17,386 you really die. 525 00:28:17,430 --> 00:28:20,399 Aah! Arrgh! Aah! 526 00:28:22,736 --> 00:28:24,203 Oops? 527 00:28:24,237 --> 00:28:26,535 Aarrrrghhh! 528 00:28:26,573 --> 00:28:27,540 K... 529 00:28:27,574 --> 00:28:28,768 Kill him,too! 530 00:28:28,808 --> 00:28:31,003 Please, Empress, save them! 531 00:28:36,249 --> 00:28:37,580 Wait! 532 00:28:37,617 --> 00:28:40,882 Ah! I've just had a wonderful idea! 533 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,081 What was my idea? 534 00:28:44,758 --> 00:28:46,225 Oh,yes! 535 00:28:46,259 --> 00:28:49,228 Let these two fools fight each other 536 00:28:49,262 --> 00:28:51,230 to the death during dessert! 537 00:28:51,264 --> 00:28:53,732 Ha ha ha! 538 00:28:53,767 --> 00:28:55,234 Mmm! 539 00:28:55,268 --> 00:28:58,431 Ha ha ha! 540 00:29:00,273 --> 00:29:04,573 We who are about to-- boo hoo hoo--die 541 00:29:04,611 --> 00:29:06,602 salute you! 542 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,204 Salute. 543 00:29:12,452 --> 00:29:14,716 All right. All right, I'm sorry. 544 00:29:14,754 --> 00:29:17,689 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 545 00:29:17,724 --> 00:29:19,214 Thank you. 546 00:29:21,361 --> 00:29:24,694 I never killed another human being in my life, 547 00:29:24,731 --> 00:29:27,199 But you got to start sometime! 548 00:29:27,233 --> 00:29:28,598 Oooh! 549 00:29:28,635 --> 00:29:30,796 Oooh! Maniac! 550 00:29:30,837 --> 00:29:32,702 Hey! Wait! Watch it! 551 00:29:32,739 --> 00:29:34,206 Wait! 552 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,435 Isn't that Lena Horne over there? 553 00:29:40,914 --> 00:29:42,313 [Laughter] 554 00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:43,713 Ah! Oh! 555 00:29:43,750 --> 00:29:46,218 Oh, Emperor, spare this poor man. 556 00:29:46,252 --> 00:29:48,948 He has fought so bravely for your amusement. 557 00:29:48,988 --> 00:29:51,456 Let him... 558 00:29:51,491 --> 00:29:53,152 -Oh! -Oh! 559 00:29:53,193 --> 00:29:55,718 die. 560 00:29:55,762 --> 00:29:58,253 -Oh! -Oh! 561 00:29:58,298 --> 00:30:00,858 Tough shit. 562 00:30:00,900 --> 00:30:02,595 Oooh! Please! 563 00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:05,627 Oh, please, buddy. 564 00:30:05,672 --> 00:30:07,139 Ooh! 565 00:30:07,173 --> 00:30:10,370 Ah ya ya ya ya! 566 00:30:10,410 --> 00:30:11,877 Aah! Easy! 567 00:30:11,911 --> 00:30:13,742 Oh, I can't do it! 568 00:30:13,780 --> 00:30:17,477 Take the shield. We'll fight our way out. 569 00:30:17,517 --> 00:30:20,042 Guards, destroy them! 570 00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:29,858 You're the first white person I even considered liking. 571 00:30:36,536 --> 00:30:38,663 Oh,the tide is turning. 572 00:30:38,705 --> 00:30:41,071 Hold it right there. 573 00:30:41,107 --> 00:30:43,701 In the name of Caesar-- 574 00:30:43,743 --> 00:30:45,267 [Whistles] 575 00:30:45,311 --> 00:30:46,869 The rope! 576 00:30:48,314 --> 00:30:49,781 Aah! 577 00:30:49,816 --> 00:30:52,307 [Emperor] No! Your hands are cold! 578 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,289 Find them! Capture them! 579 00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:58,790 Kill them! 580 00:30:58,825 --> 00:30:59,792 [Clucking] 581 00:30:59,826 --> 00:31:01,225 Wash this! 582 00:31:01,261 --> 00:31:02,728 Whoa! 583 00:31:02,762 --> 00:31:03,660 Oh! 584 00:31:08,268 --> 00:31:09,735 Oh! 585 00:31:09,769 --> 00:31:11,259 Oh, it's you. 586 00:31:11,871 --> 00:31:13,771 This way, men! 587 00:31:48,808 --> 00:31:50,275 All right! 588 00:31:50,310 --> 00:31:51,777 Forget that shit. 589 00:31:51,811 --> 00:31:53,301 I almost fell. 590 00:31:54,814 --> 00:31:57,282 Virgins,fall out! 591 00:31:57,317 --> 00:31:58,807 -Oh! -Oh! Oh! 592 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,379 Competence-- 593 00:32:02,422 --> 00:32:05,220 Oh, Competence,tell me. 594 00:32:05,258 --> 00:32:09,718 What will happen to those two rogues when they are caught? 595 00:32:09,762 --> 00:32:12,731 If they're captured, they're hung. 596 00:32:12,765 --> 00:32:15,563 Not necessarily. Ha ha! 597 00:32:16,269 --> 00:32:18,066 My goodness! 598 00:32:22,775 --> 00:32:24,743 Where are you leading me? 599 00:32:24,777 --> 00:32:26,745 To the reviewing stand. 600 00:32:26,779 --> 00:32:28,747 You must choose your escorts 601 00:32:28,781 --> 00:32:30,544 for the midnight orgy. 602 00:32:32,285 --> 00:32:33,252 Send them in. 603 00:32:33,286 --> 00:32:35,117 Quickly, march! 604 00:32:38,791 --> 00:32:40,691 Arms rest! 605 00:32:43,796 --> 00:32:46,196 Very nice selection. 606 00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:50,828 I'm going to start on this end. 607 00:32:51,971 --> 00:32:53,438 Hmmm. 608 00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:55,441 SINGS: Yes! 609 00:32:55,475 --> 00:32:58,000 No, no, no, no, no, no 610 00:32:58,044 --> 00:33:00,274 Yes! No, no, no, no, no, no 611 00:33:00,313 --> 00:33:02,645 Yes, no, no,yes 612 00:33:02,682 --> 00:33:07,051 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,yes! 613 00:33:07,086 --> 00:33:09,611 No, no, no, no, no, no,yes! 614 00:33:09,656 --> 00:33:12,386 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no 615 00:33:12,425 --> 00:33:15,792 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no 616 00:33:15,828 --> 00:33:17,295 Wait a minute! 617 00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:22,233 SINGS: Yeeeeees! 618 00:33:22,268 --> 00:33:23,758 Ole! 619 00:33:25,705 --> 00:33:27,366 That'll be all. 620 00:33:27,407 --> 00:33:29,500 Quick time harch! 621 00:33:35,782 --> 00:33:38,273 I love quick time harch. 622 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,748 Where are we? 623 00:33:41,788 --> 00:33:43,278 Don't worry. 624 00:33:49,796 --> 00:33:51,286 Who's that? 625 00:33:55,301 --> 00:33:58,293 Quick. Hide behind the drape. 626 00:34:00,006 --> 00:34:04,204 I liked your choices. You made some very big decisions. 627 00:34:04,243 --> 00:34:06,370 Thank you. 628 00:34:06,412 --> 00:34:09,609 Stick together. They couldn't have gotten far. 629 00:34:09,649 --> 00:34:11,048 Halt! 630 00:34:12,385 --> 00:34:13,716 All right,virgins, 631 00:34:13,753 --> 00:34:16,017 put on your "no entry" signs. 632 00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:17,750 [Giggling] 633 00:34:19,392 --> 00:34:23,590 We are about to confront...guys! 634 00:34:29,135 --> 00:34:31,228 How dare you? 635 00:34:31,270 --> 00:34:34,569 No men may search the Empress' quarters. 636 00:34:34,607 --> 00:34:36,097 As you wish. 637 00:34:36,142 --> 00:34:37,473 You're beautiful when you-- 638 00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:40,707 Shove it! 639 00:34:42,782 --> 00:34:44,750 Speak up, Mucus! 640 00:34:44,784 --> 00:34:45,751 Eunuch. 641 00:34:45,785 --> 00:34:47,753 [Speaking Italian] 642 00:34:47,787 --> 00:34:48,754 ...caca. 643 00:34:48,788 --> 00:34:50,346 What? 644 00:34:50,390 --> 00:34:54,292 That slave over there. He looks rather puny. 645 00:34:56,195 --> 00:34:58,254 When eunuchs are castrated, 646 00:34:58,297 --> 00:35:00,458 don't they become enormous? 647 00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:03,196 It's Josephus, your wine steward. 648 00:35:03,236 --> 00:35:04,703 Please help him. 649 00:35:04,737 --> 00:35:07,205 [Coughs] 650 00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:10,209 You have to give him some time. 651 00:35:10,243 --> 00:35:12,438 He has just been snipped. 652 00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:13,706 -Ooh! -Ooh! 653 00:35:13,746 --> 00:35:17,204 If he is truly a eunuch like the others, 654 00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:20,219 there would be no harm to take the test. 655 00:35:20,253 --> 00:35:21,914 Test? 656 00:35:21,954 --> 00:35:23,387 Test? 657 00:35:23,423 --> 00:35:25,357 [High voice] Test? 658 00:35:26,759 --> 00:35:28,090 Hmpf! 659 00:35:28,127 --> 00:35:29,719 Test. 660 00:35:29,762 --> 00:35:33,425 Eunuchs! Come down here. 661 00:35:34,767 --> 00:35:39,227 Let us have Caladonia do her highly erotic temple dance 662 00:35:39,272 --> 00:35:41,740 in praise of Eros. 663 00:35:41,774 --> 00:35:45,733 And if all these creatures are indeed eunuchs... 664 00:35:45,778 --> 00:35:48,246 Hmm hmm hmm! 665 00:35:48,281 --> 00:35:50,749 ..then nothing should arise. 666 00:35:50,783 --> 00:35:52,250 Get it? 667 00:35:52,285 --> 00:35:53,752 [Bang] 668 00:35:53,786 --> 00:35:55,253 [Whimper] 669 00:35:55,288 --> 00:35:56,755 Caladonia! 670 00:35:56,789 --> 00:36:00,122 Caladonia! Let's make their big heads so hard! 671 00:36:27,620 --> 00:36:29,110 He's a eunuch. 672 00:36:29,155 --> 00:36:30,782 Yeah. 673 00:36:42,568 --> 00:36:44,798 He is a eunuch. 674 00:36:57,984 --> 00:37:00,248 He's dead. 675 00:37:10,029 --> 00:37:11,758 He'll never survive! 676 00:37:22,475 --> 00:37:24,681 -Ooh! -Oh! 677 00:37:24,815 --> 00:37:26,646 The jig is up! 678 00:37:26,683 --> 00:37:28,014 And gone! 679 00:37:29,019 --> 00:37:30,486 After him! 680 00:37:30,521 --> 00:37:33,115 Go on, men, get him! 681 00:37:33,157 --> 00:37:34,988 Quick. Back through the corridor. 682 00:37:35,025 --> 00:37:36,993 He's heading for the Senate. 683 00:37:37,027 --> 00:37:40,019 We can meet him near the cloakroom. 684 00:37:58,182 --> 00:38:01,447 In pectorum, quid pro quo. 685 00:38:01,485 --> 00:38:04,454 In pecuniam, sic transit gloria. 686 00:38:04,488 --> 00:38:07,423 I didn't know Gloria was sick. 687 00:38:07,458 --> 00:38:08,948 Where is he? 688 00:38:08,992 --> 00:38:11,961 Don't worry. He has to come this way. 689 00:38:11,995 --> 00:38:13,963 He should have been here. 690 00:38:13,997 --> 00:38:15,988 The Senate is in session. 691 00:38:16,033 --> 00:38:19,594 All fellow members of the Roman Senate, hear me. 692 00:38:19,636 --> 00:38:22,469 Shall we continue to build palace after palace 693 00:38:22,506 --> 00:38:23,973 for the rich, 694 00:38:24,007 --> 00:38:27,465 or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose 695 00:38:27,511 --> 00:38:29,979 and build housing for the poor? 696 00:38:30,013 --> 00:38:32,140 How does the Senate vote? 697 00:38:32,182 --> 00:38:35,481 ALL: Fuck the poor! 698 00:38:35,519 --> 00:38:37,146 Good. 699 00:38:41,525 --> 00:38:43,015 Oh! Josephus. 700 00:38:43,060 --> 00:38:46,996 The man was dead when I got there, I swear! 701 00:38:47,030 --> 00:38:49,999 Where you been? Who was dead? 702 00:38:50,033 --> 00:38:53,002 How do we get out of here? 703 00:38:53,036 --> 00:38:54,503 Put this on. 704 00:38:54,538 --> 00:38:57,996 I'll find Swiftus then meet you at the theater. 705 00:38:58,041 --> 00:39:00,942 The theater just across from the baths. 706 00:39:00,978 --> 00:39:02,468 Good-bye. 707 00:39:02,513 --> 00:39:04,447 Stop with the good-byes! 708 00:39:04,481 --> 00:39:08,383 If we do escape, will you come with us? 709 00:39:08,418 --> 00:39:10,010 Of course. 710 00:39:10,053 --> 00:39:11,953 Of course. Of course! 711 00:39:11,989 --> 00:39:13,456 Good-bye. 712 00:39:13,490 --> 00:39:15,958 Of course! She's coming with us! 713 00:39:15,993 --> 00:39:18,257 She's coming with us. 714 00:39:18,295 --> 00:39:20,456 There's some of the senators. 715 00:39:20,497 --> 00:39:23,466 Right behind these guys. Here we go. 716 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:24,967 Bullshit. 717 00:39:25,002 --> 00:39:26,492 Bullshit. 718 00:39:40,017 --> 00:39:41,985 Give to Oedipus! 719 00:39:42,019 --> 00:39:43,987 [Bang] 720 00:39:44,021 --> 00:39:46,489 Give to Oedipus! 721 00:39:46,523 --> 00:39:47,990 [Bang] 722 00:39:48,025 --> 00:39:49,993 Hey,Josephus! 723 00:39:50,027 --> 00:39:51,517 Hey, motherfucker. 724 00:39:52,930 --> 00:39:55,262 SONG: Funky town 725 00:39:55,299 --> 00:39:57,130 Won't you take me to 726 00:39:57,167 --> 00:39:59,192 Funky town? 727 00:39:59,236 --> 00:40:01,136 Won't you take me to 728 00:40:01,171 --> 00:40:02,763 Funky town? 729 00:40:16,753 --> 00:40:20,553 They should have been here over 30 grains ago! 730 00:40:22,559 --> 00:40:24,356 What could be keeping them? 731 00:40:24,394 --> 00:40:26,021 I don't know. 732 00:40:27,698 --> 00:40:30,496 There they are! Come on! 733 00:40:30,534 --> 00:40:32,024 Come on. 734 00:40:32,069 --> 00:40:34,060 Now, hurry. Walk this way. 735 00:40:44,581 --> 00:40:47,243 Hurry. Get into these Trojan costumes. 736 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:52,052 ...punching a hole in the left. 737 00:40:52,089 --> 00:40:55,058 Keep punching a hole in the right. 738 00:40:55,092 --> 00:40:57,617 Keep punching a hole, let's fight! 739 00:40:58,328 --> 00:41:01,491 Relax. Casual. Casual. 740 00:41:01,531 --> 00:41:04,500 No matter what happens, don't panic. 741 00:41:04,534 --> 00:41:06,365 Don't panic. 742 00:41:06,403 --> 00:41:09,497 Keep punching a hole in the left. 743 00:41:09,539 --> 00:41:11,871 Keep punching a hole in the right. 744 00:41:11,908 --> 00:41:13,500 There they are! 745 00:41:13,543 --> 00:41:15,010 Panic! 746 00:41:15,045 --> 00:41:16,512 -Oh! -Aah! 747 00:41:16,546 --> 00:41:19,515 Keep punching a hole in the left. 748 00:41:19,549 --> 00:41:21,540 Keep punching a hole... 749 00:41:23,553 --> 00:41:26,021 Captain Mucus! Let's get after them. 750 00:41:26,056 --> 00:41:28,024 You take the left flank. 751 00:41:28,058 --> 00:41:29,525 [Bang] 752 00:41:29,559 --> 00:41:31,993 Don't you know your left flank from your right flank? 753 00:41:32,029 --> 00:41:35,021 I flunked flank. 754 00:41:35,065 --> 00:41:37,556 Get the funk out of here. 755 00:41:42,072 --> 00:41:43,562 Here. This way. 756 00:41:50,914 --> 00:41:55,010 Chemist, help me. I'm looking for a pack of Trojans. 757 00:41:55,052 --> 00:41:57,350 Gee, I just ran out. 758 00:41:57,387 --> 00:42:00,049 Captain Mucus. 759 00:42:00,090 --> 00:42:02,581 Captain Mucus, have you found anything? 760 00:42:02,626 --> 00:42:04,594 Nothing, Commander, nothing! 761 00:42:04,628 --> 00:42:06,994 Search all the market places, the square. 762 00:42:07,030 --> 00:42:10,488 Half you men search that area over there. 763 00:42:10,534 --> 00:42:13,526 And the others will run with Mucus. 764 00:42:17,507 --> 00:42:19,270 We've got to get out of Rome. 765 00:42:19,309 --> 00:42:19,968 But how? 766 00:42:20,010 --> 00:42:24,208 The streets are crawling with soldiers. 767 00:42:27,918 --> 00:42:31,012 Oh,we'll never get out of Rome. 768 00:42:31,054 --> 00:42:33,249 Only a miracle can save us. 769 00:42:33,290 --> 00:42:35,520 Neigh! 770 00:42:35,559 --> 00:42:37,026 Miracle! 771 00:42:37,060 --> 00:42:38,527 Miracle! 772 00:42:38,562 --> 00:42:39,426 Miracle! 773 00:42:39,463 --> 00:42:41,021 Neigh! 774 00:42:41,064 --> 00:42:43,328 We gotta get to that wagon. 775 00:42:43,366 --> 00:42:44,833 Wait here. 776 00:42:44,868 --> 00:42:46,995 [Whinny] 777 00:42:47,037 --> 00:42:49,562 Come on. Hurry! 778 00:42:57,681 --> 00:42:58,648 Aha! 779 00:42:58,682 --> 00:43:01,014 No,you don't! 780 00:43:03,553 --> 00:43:05,214 -Ha ha! -Ha ha ha! 781 00:43:05,255 --> 00:43:06,586 Oh, my God! 782 00:43:06,623 --> 00:43:09,717 I'm fighting with card board! 783 00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,387 Good-bye, head! 784 00:43:11,428 --> 00:43:13,760 Hello, balls! 785 00:43:13,797 --> 00:43:15,492 Oh! Ah! Oh! 786 00:43:15,532 --> 00:43:17,022 Ahh haa haa! 787 00:43:17,067 --> 00:43:18,398 Come on, Comicus! 788 00:43:18,435 --> 00:43:20,528 Waa! 789 00:43:20,570 --> 00:43:22,003 Hurry,take off! 790 00:43:22,038 --> 00:43:24,029 Let's go, Miracle! 791 00:43:29,546 --> 00:43:31,013 What--Commander. 792 00:43:31,047 --> 00:43:32,514 Where are they? 793 00:43:32,549 --> 00:43:34,517 [High voice] Get the horses! 794 00:43:34,551 --> 00:43:37,520 Get the chariots. Get the men. 795 00:43:37,554 --> 00:43:39,522 Onward! 796 00:43:39,556 --> 00:43:42,491 Get me an ice pack. Hurry! 797 00:43:45,562 --> 00:43:46,859 Where you going? 798 00:43:46,897 --> 00:43:48,330 I don't know! 799 00:43:56,139 --> 00:43:59,540 Uh-oh. Here come the bad guys. 800 00:43:59,576 --> 00:44:03,478 Come on, Miracle, hurry. They're gaining on us. 801 00:44:03,513 --> 00:44:04,980 Hurry! 802 00:44:05,015 --> 00:44:07,449 Come on, Miracle. Go, boy! 803 00:44:07,484 --> 00:44:09,884 Come on! We're gaining on them! 804 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,650 They're gaining on us! 805 00:44:12,689 --> 00:44:15,283 Come on, Miracle! 806 00:44:15,325 --> 00:44:19,193 Go, boy, go! Stretch out those long white legs! 807 00:44:22,666 --> 00:44:26,659 We're pulling away! We're losing them! 808 00:44:26,703 --> 00:44:29,228 Ya! Ya! 809 00:44:29,272 --> 00:44:33,140 Quickly! Go to the left! Go to the right! 810 00:44:33,176 --> 00:44:34,700 Stop! 811 00:44:39,549 --> 00:44:41,517 I smell something familiar! 812 00:44:41,551 --> 00:44:44,019 Yes! Yes! I got an idea! 813 00:44:44,054 --> 00:44:46,022 Pull over! 814 00:44:46,056 --> 00:44:47,546 Pull over! 815 00:44:49,759 --> 00:44:51,522 I knew I smelled something. 816 00:44:51,561 --> 00:44:54,086 Are you crazy? They're right behind us! 817 00:44:54,130 --> 00:44:56,030 The nose knows. 818 00:44:56,066 --> 00:44:58,364 What the heck is he-- 819 00:44:58,401 --> 00:45:00,837 Why is he picking flowers? 820 00:45:00,837 --> 00:45:02,202 Roman red. 821 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:03,570 Roman red? 822 00:45:03,607 --> 00:45:06,735 A whole field of wacky weed. 823 00:45:06,776 --> 00:45:08,209 He's picking weeds! 824 00:45:08,245 --> 00:45:11,510 Papyrus. Rolling papyrus. 825 00:45:12,515 --> 00:45:13,982 Paper! Paper! 826 00:45:14,017 --> 00:45:16,485 What kind of paper? Like this? 827 00:45:16,519 --> 00:45:18,009 That's good. 828 00:45:19,522 --> 00:45:22,616 E-Z Widers. These people don't know the value. 829 00:45:22,659 --> 00:45:24,320 Josephus, hurry! 830 00:45:34,905 --> 00:45:36,497 Hold this. 831 00:45:36,539 --> 00:45:38,507 Yes, indeed! 832 00:45:38,541 --> 00:45:40,509 They'll be here any minute! 833 00:45:40,543 --> 00:45:44,502 Not to worry. We are now armed with mighty joint. 834 00:45:44,547 --> 00:45:46,014 Mighty joint? 835 00:45:46,049 --> 00:45:47,812 Let's go, Miracle! 836 00:45:47,851 --> 00:45:50,217 Hurry! You've got to catch them! 837 00:45:52,255 --> 00:45:53,745 Quickly! After them! 838 00:46:03,099 --> 00:46:06,227 We've got to-- We've got to-- 839 00:46:06,269 --> 00:46:08,635 get...moving. 840 00:46:08,672 --> 00:46:10,867 It's working! 841 00:46:10,907 --> 00:46:12,238 It's working! 842 00:46:12,275 --> 00:46:15,244 We got to stay loose,you know. 843 00:46:15,278 --> 00:46:16,745 Let it cool-- 844 00:46:16,780 --> 00:46:19,772 Let the coolness get into our vertebrae. 845 00:46:19,816 --> 00:46:21,249 Woo! Woo! 846 00:46:21,284 --> 00:46:22,751 Woo! 847 00:46:22,786 --> 00:46:24,253 Woo! Woo! 848 00:46:24,287 --> 00:46:25,754 Woo! Woo! 849 00:46:25,789 --> 00:46:28,952 Yahoo! Yeeha! 850 00:46:34,798 --> 00:46:36,766 You men go northward! 851 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,768 You go southward! 852 00:46:38,802 --> 00:46:42,294 I'm going to walk here round in a circle. 853 00:46:47,110 --> 00:46:49,578 What will we do? We're trapped. 854 00:46:51,514 --> 00:46:52,640 Who's that? 855 00:46:52,682 --> 00:46:54,650 Look what he's done. 856 00:46:54,684 --> 00:46:56,584 Oh, my God! 857 00:47:00,357 --> 00:47:02,723 Oh,what a wonderful man! 858 00:47:02,759 --> 00:47:04,226 Wow. 859 00:47:04,260 --> 00:47:05,750 Let's go, Miracle! 860 00:47:20,777 --> 00:47:22,768 And keep 'em up. 861 00:47:26,783 --> 00:47:29,752 You son of a bitch! You bastard! 862 00:47:29,786 --> 00:47:32,755 An old man, they don't let you live. 863 00:47:32,789 --> 00:47:34,757 They don't let you breathe. 864 00:47:34,791 --> 00:47:36,418 [Muttering in Hebrew] 865 00:47:36,459 --> 00:47:38,120 That son of a bitch! 866 00:47:40,964 --> 00:47:42,431 Go this way. 867 00:47:42,465 --> 00:47:43,762 Why? 868 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,769 It's a short cut to the port. 869 00:47:46,803 --> 00:47:49,271 There's a ship leaving for Judea. 870 00:47:49,305 --> 00:47:51,205 -Judea? -Judea! 871 00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,207 I'm going to stay right here. 872 00:48:01,251 --> 00:48:04,846 No, I'm going to move here. 873 00:48:04,888 --> 00:48:07,220 Do you care if it falls? 874 00:48:07,257 --> 00:48:08,724 What? 875 00:48:08,758 --> 00:48:10,225 The Roman Empire. 876 00:48:10,260 --> 00:48:11,750 Fuck it. 877 00:48:14,564 --> 00:48:18,398 Is that our men? Why have they stopped? 878 00:48:20,770 --> 00:48:22,237 Oh, Marcus... 879 00:48:22,272 --> 00:48:24,240 Why have you stopped? 880 00:48:24,274 --> 00:48:26,742 Why aren't you still chasing them? 881 00:48:26,776 --> 00:48:28,937 Have you lost your senses? 882 00:48:28,978 --> 00:48:32,243 Do you want to be stripped of your rank? 883 00:48:32,282 --> 00:48:35,740 Do you want to be thrown into the dungeon? 884 00:48:35,785 --> 00:48:38,117 Do you want to dance? 885 00:48:38,154 --> 00:48:39,746 Lindus! 886 00:48:39,789 --> 00:48:41,780 [Big band music playing] 887 00:49:13,823 --> 00:49:15,723 Look,there's the ship 888 00:49:15,758 --> 00:49:18,727 that will take us to Judea! 889 00:49:18,761 --> 00:49:22,822 SING: We're off on the road to Judea 890 00:49:22,866 --> 00:49:27,394 We certainly do get around 891 00:49:27,437 --> 00:49:29,371 Boom chicky boom chicky boom chicky boom... 892 00:49:39,115 --> 00:49:43,745 See. I told you there was work to befound here. 893 00:49:43,786 --> 00:49:45,253 You're right. 894 00:49:45,288 --> 00:49:47,756 "Help wanted. Cashier,waiter, and dishwasher." 895 00:49:47,790 --> 00:49:49,758 I'm going to be...waiter. 896 00:49:49,792 --> 00:49:51,259 I'll be cashier. 897 00:49:51,294 --> 00:49:53,762 I'll be the hat check girl. 898 00:49:53,796 --> 00:49:55,661 All right, I'll be the dishwasher. 899 00:49:55,698 --> 00:49:59,259 I'll scout the area for a possible club date. 900 00:49:59,302 --> 00:50:00,769 I'll try Galilee. 901 00:50:00,803 --> 00:50:03,169 King Herod is bringing in gambling! 902 00:50:03,206 --> 00:50:05,674 [As John Wayne] Let's go, Miracle. 903 00:50:05,708 --> 00:50:07,266 Take care, Swiftus. 904 00:50:07,310 --> 00:50:09,801 Bye! Bye, Miracle. 905 00:50:11,814 --> 00:50:13,281 Comicus! 906 00:50:13,316 --> 00:50:15,284 [Claps hands] 907 00:50:15,318 --> 00:50:16,808 Sir. 908 00:50:19,222 --> 00:50:22,282 Now,tonight we have a private party. 909 00:50:22,325 --> 00:50:23,792 Take their orders. 910 00:50:23,826 --> 00:50:25,293 Be correct. 911 00:50:25,328 --> 00:50:26,795 Be polite. 912 00:50:26,829 --> 00:50:30,287 And push the mulled wine. We're stuck with it. 913 00:50:30,333 --> 00:50:32,301 Don't write it now. Go. 914 00:50:32,335 --> 00:50:33,632 Yes, sir. 915 00:50:33,670 --> 00:50:36,798 You can't get any good help today. 916 00:50:36,839 --> 00:50:38,238 Pfft! 917 00:50:41,177 --> 00:50:43,304 Before this night is over, 918 00:50:43,346 --> 00:50:46,315 one of you shall betray me three times. 919 00:50:46,349 --> 00:50:47,816 -No. -No. No. 920 00:50:47,850 --> 00:50:51,809 How can you feel that anyone here would betray you, 921 00:50:51,854 --> 00:50:55,085 you who we would follow even unto our death? 922 00:50:55,124 --> 00:50:57,319 Does everybody want soup? 923 00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,328 Please,we must talk. 924 00:50:59,362 --> 00:51:01,762 This may be our last supper. 925 00:51:01,798 --> 00:51:03,766 It's my first order. 926 00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,258 Are you all together, or is it separate checks? 927 00:51:07,303 --> 00:51:09,703 Please go away! 928 00:51:09,739 --> 00:51:11,263 All right, OK. 929 00:51:11,307 --> 00:51:13,275 Yea,yea, so you say, 930 00:51:13,309 --> 00:51:15,777 but one who sits amongst us 931 00:51:15,812 --> 00:51:17,780 has already betrayed me. 932 00:51:17,814 --> 00:51:19,372 -Who? -Who? 933 00:51:19,415 --> 00:51:21,280 Who can it be? 934 00:51:21,317 --> 00:51:23,785 Judas! Do you want a beverage? 935 00:51:23,820 --> 00:51:25,788 Try the mulled wine. 936 00:51:25,822 --> 00:51:26,948 No! 937 00:51:26,990 --> 00:51:28,548 Go! Go! Go! 938 00:51:28,591 --> 00:51:31,151 All right. All right. Jesus. 939 00:51:31,194 --> 00:51:32,161 Yes? 940 00:51:32,195 --> 00:51:33,389 What? 941 00:51:33,429 --> 00:51:34,726 What? 942 00:51:34,764 --> 00:51:35,731 What? 943 00:51:35,765 --> 00:51:37,027 Yes. 944 00:51:37,066 --> 00:51:38,897 Jesus! 945 00:51:38,935 --> 00:51:39,765 What? 946 00:51:39,802 --> 00:51:41,861 W--you said "what." 947 00:51:41,904 --> 00:51:43,804 What? 948 00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:44,738 Nothing. 949 00:51:44,774 --> 00:51:46,799 Ah, Leonardo. 950 00:51:46,843 --> 00:51:48,310 Buon giorno. 951 00:51:48,344 --> 00:51:49,811 Just a second. 952 00:51:49,846 --> 00:51:52,815 It's all right. We ordered a group portrait. 953 00:51:52,849 --> 00:51:55,716 Ahh. 954 00:51:58,354 --> 00:52:01,255 Oh! 955 00:52:01,291 --> 00:52:03,759 This is no good. 956 00:52:03,793 --> 00:52:06,284 All I got is the backs. 957 00:52:09,799 --> 00:52:12,768 OK. Everybody want to be in the picture, 958 00:52:12,802 --> 00:52:16,135 go to the other side of the table. 959 00:52:29,319 --> 00:52:31,014 Hold it. 960 00:52:51,513 --> 00:52:55,609 [Gregorian chant] 961 00:53:06,128 --> 00:53:08,255 Aah! 962 00:53:08,297 --> 00:53:10,094 [Whip cracks] 963 00:53:10,132 --> 00:53:11,929 Aah! 964 00:53:11,967 --> 00:53:14,435 [Crack!] 965 00:53:14,470 --> 00:53:16,131 Aah! 966 00:53:20,876 --> 00:53:24,676 The year was 1489. 967 00:53:24,713 --> 00:53:27,580 The black plague ravaged the continent. 968 00:53:27,616 --> 00:53:31,985 It was the hour of the infamous auto-da-fe, 969 00:53:32,020 --> 00:53:35,114 where,for public amusement, heretics and non believers 970 00:53:35,157 --> 00:53:39,560 were tortured and burned in a carnival-like atmosphere. 971 00:53:39,595 --> 00:53:42,962 And it was guided by the most fearful specter 972 00:53:42,998 --> 00:53:46,058 to ever sit in judgment over good and evil-- 973 00:53:46,101 --> 00:53:48,092 The Grand Inquisitor... 974 00:53:48,136 --> 00:53:50,570 Torquemada. 975 00:53:50,606 --> 00:53:54,565 All pay heed! Now enters his holiness,Torquemada, 976 00:53:54,610 --> 00:53:58,706 the Grand Inquisitor of the Spanish Inquisition. 977 00:53:58,747 --> 00:54:01,614 [Gong] 978 00:54:05,954 --> 00:54:10,084 Torquemada--do not implore himfor compassion. 979 00:54:10,125 --> 00:54:13,583 Torquemada--do not beg him for forgiveness. 980 00:54:13,629 --> 00:54:17,087 Torquemada--do not ask him for mercy. 981 00:54:17,132 --> 00:54:20,590 Let's face it. You can't talk him outta anything. 982 00:54:20,636 --> 00:54:22,297 [Gong] 983 00:54:22,337 --> 00:54:26,603 Let all those who wish to confess their evil ways 984 00:54:26,642 --> 00:54:30,100 and to accept and embrace the true church 985 00:54:30,145 --> 00:54:34,605 convert now or forever burn in hell, 986 00:54:34,650 --> 00:54:38,814 for now begins the Inquisition! 987 00:54:44,159 --> 00:54:45,626 SONG: The Inquisition 988 00:54:45,661 --> 00:54:46,389 Let's begin 989 00:54:46,428 --> 00:54:47,895 The Inquisition 990 00:54:47,930 --> 00:54:48,897 Look out, sin 991 00:54:48,931 --> 00:54:50,398 We have a mission 992 00:54:50,432 --> 00:54:51,729 To convert the Jews 993 00:54:51,767 --> 00:54:53,598 Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jews 994 00:54:53,635 --> 00:54:55,068 We're gonna teach them 995 00:54:55,103 --> 00:54:55,899 Wrong from right 996 00:54:55,938 --> 00:54:57,405 We're gonna help them 997 00:54:57,439 --> 00:54:58,406 See the light 998 00:54:58,440 --> 00:54:59,737 And make an offer 999 00:54:59,775 --> 00:55:01,402 That they can't refuse 1000 00:55:01,443 --> 00:55:03,070 That the Jews just can't refuse 1001 00:55:03,111 --> 00:55:04,078 Confess 1002 00:55:04,112 --> 00:55:05,079 Confess, confess 1003 00:55:05,113 --> 00:55:07,581 Don't be boring 1004 00:55:07,616 --> 00:55:08,742 Say yes 1005 00:55:08,784 --> 00:55:09,910 Say yes, say yes 1006 00:55:09,952 --> 00:55:11,385 Don't be dull 1007 00:55:12,621 --> 00:55:14,418 A fact 1008 00:55:14,456 --> 00:55:17,254 You're ignoring 1009 00:55:17,292 --> 00:55:20,819 It's better to lose your skull capthan your skull 1010 00:55:20,862 --> 00:55:21,794 Oy gevalt! 1011 00:55:21,830 --> 00:55:23,422 The Inquisition 1012 00:55:23,465 --> 00:55:24,432 What a show 1013 00:55:24,466 --> 00:55:25,763 The Inquisition 1014 00:55:25,801 --> 00:55:26,768 Here we go 1015 00:55:26,802 --> 00:55:28,269 We know you're wishin' 1016 00:55:28,303 --> 00:55:31,602 That we'd go away 1017 00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:33,267 But the Inquisition's here 1018 00:55:33,308 --> 00:55:34,935 And it's here to stay 1019 00:55:34,977 --> 00:55:36,945 The Inquisition, oh, boy 1020 00:55:36,979 --> 00:55:39,447 The Inquisition,what joy 1021 00:55:39,481 --> 00:55:41,813 The Inquisition, Oy! Oy! 1022 00:55:44,152 --> 00:55:47,713 I was sitting in a temple, minding my own business 1023 00:55:47,756 --> 00:55:50,782 I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass 1024 00:55:50,826 --> 00:55:52,384 Then these Papist persons plunge in 1025 00:55:52,427 --> 00:55:54,054 And they throw me in a dungeon 1026 00:55:54,096 --> 00:55:56,758 And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass 1027 00:55:56,798 --> 00:56:00,564 Is that considerate? ls that polite? 1028 00:56:00,602 --> 00:56:05,005 And not a tube of Preparation H in sight 1029 00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:06,905 I'm sittin' flickin' chickens 1030 00:56:06,942 --> 00:56:08,569 And I'm lookin' through the pickin's 1031 00:56:08,610 --> 00:56:11,807 And suddenly these goys break down my walls 1032 00:56:11,847 --> 00:56:13,246 I didn't even know them 1033 00:56:13,281 --> 00:56:14,748 And they grabbed me by the scrotum 1034 00:56:14,783 --> 00:56:17,684 And they started playing ping-pong with my balls 1035 00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,414 Oy,the agony! 1036 00:56:19,454 --> 00:56:21,422 Ooh,the shame! 1037 00:56:21,456 --> 00:56:24,289 To make my privates publicfor a game 1038 00:56:29,631 --> 00:56:31,098 The Inquisition 1039 00:56:31,133 --> 00:56:32,100 What a show 1040 00:56:32,134 --> 00:56:33,601 The Inquisition 1041 00:56:33,635 --> 00:56:34,602 Here we go 1042 00:56:34,636 --> 00:56:36,263 We know you're wishin' 1043 00:56:36,304 --> 00:56:39,603 That we'd go away 1044 00:56:39,641 --> 00:56:41,609 But the Inquisition's here 1045 00:56:41,643 --> 00:56:42,769 And it's here to-- 1046 00:56:42,811 --> 00:56:45,109 Hey,Torquemada, what do you say? 1047 00:56:45,147 --> 00:56:47,274 I just got back from the auto-da-fe 1048 00:56:47,315 --> 00:56:49,715 Auto-da-fe? What's an auto-da-fe? 1049 00:56:49,751 --> 00:56:52,879 It's what you oughtn't to do, but you do anyway 1050 00:56:55,157 --> 00:56:57,057 Skit skatvoodle de vat and toodle de day 1051 00:56:57,092 --> 00:56:58,320 Will you convert? 1052 00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,055 No, no, no, no 1053 00:57:00,095 --> 00:57:01,062 Will you confess? 1054 00:57:01,096 --> 00:57:02,563 No, no, no, no 1055 00:57:02,597 --> 00:57:03,564 Will you revert? 1056 00:57:03,598 --> 00:57:05,065 No, no, no, no 1057 00:57:05,100 --> 00:57:06,226 Will you say yes? 1058 00:57:06,268 --> 00:57:07,735 No, no, no, no 1059 00:57:07,769 --> 00:57:10,397 Now I ask in a nice way, I said "pretty please" 1060 00:57:10,439 --> 00:57:13,772 I bent their ears, now I'll work on their knees 1061 00:57:19,781 --> 00:57:21,078 Aaah! 1062 00:57:21,116 --> 00:57:23,107 Ha ha! 1063 00:57:33,562 --> 00:57:35,757 Ha ha ha ha! 1064 00:57:35,797 --> 00:57:38,288 Hey,Torquemada, walk this way 1065 00:57:40,202 --> 00:57:43,103 We got a little game that you might want to play 1066 00:57:43,138 --> 00:57:45,936 So pull that handle, try your luck 1067 00:57:45,974 --> 00:57:49,603 Who knows,Torque? you might win a buck 1068 00:57:59,588 --> 00:58:02,557 [Bell rings] 1069 00:58:07,362 --> 00:58:10,058 Put it in the car. 1070 00:58:10,098 --> 00:58:12,191 -In the car. -In the car. 1071 00:58:15,103 --> 00:58:17,628 How we doing? Any converts today? 1072 00:58:17,672 --> 00:58:20,641 -Not a one. -Nay, nay, nay. 1073 00:58:20,675 --> 00:58:24,076 We'll flatten their fingers, we've branded their buns. 1074 00:58:24,112 --> 00:58:27,081 Nothing is working. 1075 00:58:27,115 --> 00:58:29,481 Send in the nuns! 1076 00:58:29,518 --> 00:58:33,614 [Bell tolls] 1077 00:59:29,845 --> 00:59:31,904 Whoa! 1078 00:59:34,950 --> 00:59:36,781 Aaah! 1079 00:59:55,637 --> 00:59:57,571 Oy! 1080 01:00:40,115 --> 01:00:41,742 The Inquisition 1081 01:00:41,783 --> 01:00:43,751 What a show 1082 01:00:43,785 --> 01:00:45,252 The Inquisition 1083 01:00:45,287 --> 01:00:47,346 Here we go 1084 01:00:47,389 --> 01:00:48,856 We know you're wishin' 1085 01:00:48,890 --> 01:00:53,350 That we'd go away 1086 01:00:53,395 --> 01:00:57,024 So come on,you Moslems and you Jews 1087 01:00:57,065 --> 01:01:00,034 We've got big news for all of yous 1088 01:01:00,068 --> 01:01:03,037 You better change your point of views 1089 01:01:03,071 --> 01:01:05,869 Today 1090 01:01:05,907 --> 01:01:08,705 'Cause the Inquisition's here 1091 01:01:08,743 --> 01:01:11,041 And it's here 1092 01:01:11,079 --> 01:01:12,546 To 1093 01:01:12,580 --> 01:01:18,075 Stay 1094 01:01:30,332 --> 01:01:33,426 [Playing La Marseillaise] 1095 01:01:35,103 --> 01:01:38,561 Paris. A cityfilled with poverty, 1096 01:01:38,606 --> 01:01:41,575 misery, and despair. 1097 01:01:41,609 --> 01:01:45,101 The time was ripe for revolution. 1098 01:01:46,548 --> 01:01:48,948 Apple cores! 1099 01:01:48,984 --> 01:01:53,011 Freshly picked from the garbage of the rich! 1100 01:01:53,054 --> 01:01:54,851 Apple cores! 1101 01:01:54,889 --> 01:01:56,686 Apple cores! 1102 01:01:56,725 --> 01:01:59,023 Rats! Rats! 1103 01:01:59,060 --> 01:02:01,688 Nice dead rats for sale! 1104 01:02:01,730 --> 01:02:04,028 Perfect for rat stew, 1105 01:02:04,065 --> 01:02:06,533 rat soup, rat pie, 1106 01:02:06,568 --> 01:02:08,536 and the ever popular 1107 01:02:08,570 --> 01:02:10,538 ratatouille. 1108 01:02:10,572 --> 01:02:12,039 Nothing! 1109 01:02:12,073 --> 01:02:13,540 Nothing! 1110 01:02:13,575 --> 01:02:16,009 I got absolutely nothing for sale! 1111 01:02:18,246 --> 01:02:21,044 Rats! Rats! 1112 01:02:21,082 --> 01:02:23,812 Sir, help me. I'm starving. 1113 01:02:23,852 --> 01:02:25,046 Help me. 1114 01:02:25,086 --> 01:02:27,554 Get away,you swine. 1115 01:02:27,589 --> 01:02:30,057 Please! Money,food, anything. Help me. 1116 01:02:30,091 --> 01:02:33,254 Get your filthy hands off me. Begone! 1117 01:02:36,097 --> 01:02:37,564 -Please! -Please! 1118 01:02:37,599 --> 01:02:39,567 I'm starving to death! 1119 01:02:39,601 --> 01:02:43,059 Look what we have come to-- 1120 01:02:43,104 --> 01:02:47,006 beggars begging from beggars. 1121 01:02:56,117 --> 01:02:58,085 Bonjour, Madame de Farge. 1122 01:02:58,119 --> 01:03:00,781 Bonjour, scum. 1123 01:03:00,822 --> 01:03:03,188 All right, keep quiet. The meeting begins. 1124 01:03:03,224 --> 01:03:05,089 Fellow wretches... 1125 01:03:05,126 --> 01:03:07,754 I don't have to tell you 1126 01:03:07,796 --> 01:03:10,594 that poverty stalks the streets of Paris. 1127 01:03:10,632 --> 01:03:12,099 -Yes. -Yes. 1128 01:03:12,133 --> 01:03:15,933 Families don't even have enough money for bread. 1129 01:03:15,970 --> 01:03:17,301 -No. -No. 1130 01:03:17,338 --> 01:03:19,465 We are down to almost nothing. 1131 01:03:19,507 --> 01:03:23,102 Last week, I myself ran out of wool. 1132 01:03:23,144 --> 01:03:24,406 [Ding] 1133 01:03:26,481 --> 01:03:28,711 We have no rights. 1134 01:03:28,750 --> 01:03:30,547 We have no say. 1135 01:03:30,585 --> 01:03:31,779 -No! -No! 1136 01:03:31,820 --> 01:03:33,481 We have no dignity! 1137 01:03:33,521 --> 01:03:34,852 -No! -No! 1138 01:03:34,889 --> 01:03:37,119 We are so poor, 1139 01:03:37,158 --> 01:03:40,127 we do not even have a language. 1140 01:03:40,161 --> 01:03:43,028 Just a stupid accent. 1141 01:03:43,064 --> 01:03:45,123 -She's right! -She's right! 1142 01:03:45,166 --> 01:03:47,726 We all talk like Maurice Chevalier. 1143 01:03:47,769 --> 01:03:49,066 Auh hauh hauh! 1144 01:03:49,104 --> 01:03:50,537 -Auh hauh hauh! -Auh hauh hauh! 1145 01:03:50,572 --> 01:03:52,733 What we need... 1146 01:03:52,774 --> 01:03:55,242 is a new language-- 1147 01:03:55,276 --> 01:03:58,575 A song that speaks of struggle, 1148 01:03:58,613 --> 01:04:00,581 that speaks of triumph. 1149 01:04:00,615 --> 01:04:02,082 [Pop] 1150 01:04:02,117 --> 01:04:04,585 [Ssss] 1151 01:04:04,619 --> 01:04:06,587 It is timefor action! 1152 01:04:06,621 --> 01:04:07,645 -Yes! Yes! -Yes! 1153 01:04:07,689 --> 01:04:11,591 Everybody, stand! 1154 01:04:11,626 --> 01:04:13,253 Repeat after me-- 1155 01:04:13,294 --> 01:04:17,492 [Cough cough cough spit] 1156 01:04:17,532 --> 01:04:21,468 [Cough cough cough spit] 1157 01:04:21,503 --> 01:04:25,599 No, no, no, dumb scum. 1158 01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:29,406 I mean, death to King Louis! 1159 01:04:29,444 --> 01:04:33,471 Death to King Louis! 1160 01:04:33,515 --> 01:04:35,312 Good! Good! 1161 01:04:36,985 --> 01:04:39,613 And now, let's end this meeting 1162 01:04:39,654 --> 01:04:41,622 on a high note. 1163 01:04:41,656 --> 01:04:48,585 [All sing a high note] 1164 01:04:53,134 --> 01:04:56,069 With this long trip and this exhausting conversation, 1165 01:04:56,104 --> 01:04:58,231 I'm famished. Bearnaise... 1166 01:04:59,607 --> 01:05:01,404 Yes? 1167 01:05:01,442 --> 01:05:04,070 Do we have any of those... 1168 01:05:04,112 --> 01:05:06,444 delicious raisins left? 1169 01:05:06,481 --> 01:05:09,416 You ate yours. 1170 01:05:09,450 --> 01:05:11,577 These are mine. 1171 01:05:11,619 --> 01:05:13,246 Au contraire. 1172 01:05:13,288 --> 01:05:16,052 They are mine. I paid for them. 1173 01:05:16,090 --> 01:05:18,115 Hand them over. 1174 01:05:19,961 --> 01:05:22,088 "Au contraire. I paid for them. 1175 01:05:22,130 --> 01:05:23,791 "They are mine." 1176 01:05:25,133 --> 01:05:27,795 Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise. 1177 01:05:37,995 --> 01:05:39,963 -Food! -Food! 1178 01:05:39,997 --> 01:05:41,658 Count de Money! 1179 01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:44,991 Count de Money! 1180 01:05:46,270 --> 01:05:48,397 Count de Money! 1181 01:05:48,439 --> 01:05:50,464 Count de Money! 1182 01:05:50,507 --> 01:05:52,566 Count de Money! 1183 01:05:52,610 --> 01:05:55,443 De Monet! De Monet! 1184 01:05:55,479 --> 01:05:57,811 -Count de Money! -Count de Money! 1185 01:05:57,848 --> 01:05:59,509 Aah! 1186 01:05:59,550 --> 01:06:01,211 Aah! 1187 01:06:02,286 --> 01:06:06,450 Aaaaah! 1188 01:06:06,490 --> 01:06:09,926 We should get rid of your tailor. 1189 01:06:09,960 --> 01:06:11,928 I don't like your cuffs. 1190 01:06:11,962 --> 01:06:15,420 I don't like your cuffs, I don't like your cuffs. 1191 01:06:15,466 --> 01:06:17,934 A man's cuffs should be even 1192 01:06:17,968 --> 01:06:20,436 with the tip of his pee-pee. 1193 01:06:20,471 --> 01:06:24,430 Yours are all the way down to your balls. 1194 01:06:24,475 --> 01:06:26,943 At least I have them. 1195 01:06:26,977 --> 01:06:28,467 You bitch! 1196 01:06:30,981 --> 01:06:32,175 Lackey! 1197 01:06:32,216 --> 01:06:34,946 Count de Money. 1198 01:06:34,985 --> 01:06:36,953 De Monet. 1199 01:06:36,987 --> 01:06:38,955 Monet. Say it. 1200 01:06:38,989 --> 01:06:40,547 Mo-nay. 1201 01:06:40,591 --> 01:06:42,889 Mo-nay. 1202 01:06:42,927 --> 01:06:44,792 Perfect. Don't forget it. 1203 01:06:44,828 --> 01:06:46,227 Say it again. 1204 01:06:46,263 --> 01:06:47,560 Monet. 1205 01:06:47,598 --> 01:06:49,065 Where's His Majesty? 1206 01:06:49,099 --> 01:06:50,532 Playing chess. 1207 01:06:50,567 --> 01:06:51,898 Chess? 1208 01:06:51,936 --> 01:06:53,927 I hate chess. 1209 01:06:55,940 --> 01:06:57,430 Th-th-th! 1210 01:07:01,111 --> 01:07:03,443 It's your move,Your Majesty. 1211 01:07:06,951 --> 01:07:09,943 I'm quite aware of that, you petite putz. 1212 01:07:12,957 --> 01:07:14,447 I see. 1213 01:07:18,462 --> 01:07:21,954 Knight to rook4! 1214 01:07:29,306 --> 01:07:31,274 Your move, Popinjay. 1215 01:07:31,308 --> 01:07:32,935 Yes, sire. 1216 01:07:32,977 --> 01:07:34,808 Oh... 1217 01:07:38,983 --> 01:07:41,952 Pawn threatens bishop! 1218 01:07:41,986 --> 01:07:44,454 What the hell did you say? 1219 01:07:44,488 --> 01:07:46,888 Pawn threatens bishop! 1220 01:07:46,924 --> 01:07:49,119 All right! I understood. 1221 01:07:49,159 --> 01:07:52,219 Pawn threatens bishop. All right, Popinjay, 1222 01:07:52,262 --> 01:07:54,389 I'm invoking the King's privilege. 1223 01:07:54,431 --> 01:07:56,524 Three moves to one. 1224 01:07:59,770 --> 01:08:01,567 Knight jumps Queen! 1225 01:08:02,606 --> 01:08:03,800 Whoops! 1226 01:08:03,841 --> 01:08:05,570 Bishop jumps Queen! 1227 01:08:05,609 --> 01:08:06,940 Ah! 1228 01:08:08,779 --> 01:08:11,976 Pawns jump Queen! 1229 01:08:12,016 --> 01:08:13,574 -Oh! -Ah! 1230 01:08:13,617 --> 01:08:16,415 Gang bang! 1231 01:08:16,453 --> 01:08:19,445 Come on, let's all jumpthe Queen. 1232 01:08:21,225 --> 01:08:24,626 Whip out those little dicks! Here we go! 1233 01:08:32,970 --> 01:08:34,870 What a spectacle. 1234 01:08:34,905 --> 01:08:36,600 -Oh! -Oh! 1235 01:08:36,640 --> 01:08:38,301 -Oh! -Oh! 1236 01:08:38,342 --> 01:08:40,936 Isn't the Queen a good sport? 1237 01:08:40,978 --> 01:08:42,946 And he's such a fool. 1238 01:08:42,980 --> 01:08:45,881 Nevertheless,we must do everything we can 1239 01:08:45,916 --> 01:08:49,374 to save the thing that divine right and history 1240 01:08:49,420 --> 01:08:51,388 have placed on his head. 1241 01:08:51,422 --> 01:08:52,889 His wig? 1242 01:08:52,923 --> 01:08:54,891 No,you twit, his crown-- 1243 01:08:54,925 --> 01:08:57,223 the symbol of "might makes right," 1244 01:08:57,261 --> 01:09:00,719 the thing our fortunes and titles are attached to, 1245 01:09:00,764 --> 01:09:01,958 the monarchy. 1246 01:09:01,999 --> 01:09:03,830 -Ah! -Oh! 1247 01:09:03,867 --> 01:09:06,392 Will you speak to His Majesty? 1248 01:09:06,437 --> 01:09:09,406 Perhaps later. We've had such a bouncy journey. 1249 01:09:09,440 --> 01:09:11,908 Where is the garcon de piss? 1250 01:09:11,942 --> 01:09:14,638 There he is. 1251 01:09:16,947 --> 01:09:18,346 Merci, monsieur. 1252 01:09:18,382 --> 01:09:19,212 Piss boy! 1253 01:09:19,249 --> 01:09:21,444 Ah, oui, monsieur! 1254 01:09:23,353 --> 01:09:24,911 Oui, oui. 1255 01:09:24,955 --> 01:09:26,923 Yes, a lot of it. 1256 01:09:26,957 --> 01:09:28,618 S'il vous plait. 1257 01:09:33,964 --> 01:09:35,932 Keep searching. You'll find it. 1258 01:09:35,966 --> 01:09:38,958 Leave me alone. I can handle this. 1259 01:09:40,304 --> 01:09:41,931 [Tinkling] 1260 01:09:41,972 --> 01:09:43,462 Ah! 1261 01:09:48,245 --> 01:09:52,272 You look familiar. Who do you look like? 1262 01:09:52,316 --> 01:09:54,216 Je ne sais pas. 1263 01:09:55,886 --> 01:09:57,683 Who is that girl? 1264 01:09:57,721 --> 01:10:00,189 She's gorgeous. 1265 01:10:05,596 --> 01:10:07,393 Pardon, pardon, pardon. 1266 01:10:07,431 --> 01:10:08,898 Yes? 1267 01:10:08,932 --> 01:10:11,400 You are pissing on my shoe. 1268 01:10:11,435 --> 01:10:13,403 Sorry. Mind your pail! 1269 01:10:13,437 --> 01:10:14,927 Sorry. 1270 01:10:17,441 --> 01:10:19,409 [Tinkling stops] 1271 01:10:19,443 --> 01:10:21,411 Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. 1272 01:10:21,445 --> 01:10:24,073 Wait for the shake. 1273 01:10:24,114 --> 01:10:25,445 [Tinkle] 1274 01:10:27,618 --> 01:10:29,176 There,there. 1275 01:10:29,219 --> 01:10:31,414 That's for you. 1276 01:10:31,455 --> 01:10:33,423 Piss off. 1277 01:10:33,457 --> 01:10:35,948 Thank you. I'll get it later. 1278 01:10:39,296 --> 01:10:41,196 Oh,that's better. 1279 01:10:41,231 --> 01:10:43,096 Let the Queen up! 1280 01:10:43,133 --> 01:10:45,931 She's been so good to all of us! 1281 01:10:47,404 --> 01:10:49,497 Ooh! 1282 01:10:49,540 --> 01:10:51,371 Ooh! 1283 01:10:51,408 --> 01:10:53,899 There's a naughty bit of crumpet! 1284 01:10:58,248 --> 01:10:59,909 Mmm! 1285 01:11:01,919 --> 01:11:03,045 Oh! 1286 01:11:03,086 --> 01:11:04,383 Your Majesty. 1287 01:11:04,421 --> 01:11:06,412 How's it going, Marie? 1288 01:11:11,428 --> 01:11:13,919 It's good to be the King. 1289 01:11:15,766 --> 01:11:17,427 Ah! 1290 01:11:18,936 --> 01:11:20,927 Hmmm. 1291 01:11:25,442 --> 01:11:27,910 [Sniff] 1292 01:11:27,945 --> 01:11:29,435 [Sniff] 1293 01:11:31,949 --> 01:11:34,417 Everything's so green. 1294 01:11:34,451 --> 01:11:37,420 Majesty, may I have a word with you? 1295 01:11:37,454 --> 01:11:39,479 Ooh! Care for a toot? 1296 01:11:39,523 --> 01:11:40,922 Non. Merci. 1297 01:11:40,958 --> 01:11:43,927 Don't indulge? Well, that leaves more for us. 1298 01:11:43,961 --> 01:11:45,519 Who are you? 1299 01:11:45,562 --> 01:11:49,362 Your Majesty, I am Mademoiselle Rimbaud. 1300 01:11:49,399 --> 01:11:51,867 Mmm. Nice names. 1301 01:11:51,902 --> 01:11:55,360 Tell me, my dear, what can I do for you? 1302 01:11:55,405 --> 01:11:57,373 My father, Monsieur Rimbaud, 1303 01:11:57,407 --> 01:12:00,376 for 10 years has languished in the Bastille. 1304 01:12:00,410 --> 01:12:03,868 If I don't get him out soon, he will surely die. 1305 01:12:03,914 --> 01:12:07,441 I throw myself on your mercy. Please release him. 1306 01:12:07,484 --> 01:12:10,385 Why was he put into the Bastille? 1307 01:12:10,420 --> 01:12:13,389 He said something at a royal dinner party. 1308 01:12:13,423 --> 01:12:15,391 What did he say? 1309 01:12:15,425 --> 01:12:18,394 He said, "the poor ain't so bad." 1310 01:12:18,428 --> 01:12:20,396 "The poor ain't so bad"! 1311 01:12:20,430 --> 01:12:22,625 You're lucky he's still alive. 1312 01:12:22,666 --> 01:12:25,567 Please,Your Majesty, don't let him die. 1313 01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:28,571 I'll do anything to gain his pardon. Anything. 1314 01:12:28,605 --> 01:12:30,402 Anything? 1315 01:12:30,440 --> 01:12:33,409 Your Majesty! I was raised in a convent. 1316 01:12:33,443 --> 01:12:37,004 I don't indulge in pleasures of the flesh. 1317 01:12:37,047 --> 01:12:40,847 You don't put out, he don't get out. 1318 01:12:40,884 --> 01:12:43,978 But Your Majesty, I simply don't do it. 1319 01:12:44,021 --> 01:12:47,923 Come on. You do it. You know you do it. 1320 01:12:47,958 --> 01:12:50,927 We love to do it. You do it. 1321 01:12:50,961 --> 01:12:52,428 No, I don't. 1322 01:12:52,462 --> 01:12:53,952 You want to do it. 1323 01:12:53,997 --> 01:12:57,763 I do it. I love to do it. 1324 01:12:57,801 --> 01:13:01,464 I just did it, and I'm ready to do it again. 1325 01:13:01,505 --> 01:13:04,440 Don't tell me you don't do it. 1326 01:13:04,474 --> 01:13:08,467 You do it, or your father dies. Hump or death. 1327 01:13:08,512 --> 01:13:09,945 Humperdinck? 1328 01:13:09,980 --> 01:13:12,448 Not Humperdinck. Hump or death. 1329 01:13:12,482 --> 01:13:14,450 You got 10 seconds 1330 01:13:14,484 --> 01:13:16,452 to make up your mind. 1331 01:13:16,486 --> 01:13:18,784 Hump, death. Hump, death. 1332 01:13:18,822 --> 01:13:20,414 Hump, death. 1333 01:13:20,457 --> 01:13:23,051 Your time is running out! 1334 01:13:23,093 --> 01:13:25,459 All right, all right! Hump! Oh! 1335 01:13:25,495 --> 01:13:28,464 Very good. I'm glad you thought it over. 1336 01:13:28,498 --> 01:13:31,126 Be at my chambers at midnight. 1337 01:13:31,168 --> 01:13:32,965 A tout a I'heure. 1338 01:13:33,003 --> 01:13:34,868 Wait. 1339 01:13:34,905 --> 01:13:37,965 Don't wear anything... 1340 01:13:38,008 --> 01:13:39,999 complicated. 1341 01:13:47,951 --> 01:13:49,919 Ah. 1342 01:13:49,953 --> 01:13:51,443 Ohh. 1343 01:13:52,456 --> 01:13:54,947 It's good to be the King. 1344 01:13:59,963 --> 01:14:02,932 Your Majesty, I must speak to you. Aah! 1345 01:14:02,966 --> 01:14:04,934 Ah,the Count de Money. 1346 01:14:04,968 --> 01:14:06,094 De-- 1347 01:14:06,136 --> 01:14:08,604 Don't correct me. What is it? 1348 01:14:08,638 --> 01:14:10,731 Of course,Your Majesty. 1349 01:14:10,774 --> 01:14:12,935 I've come on urgent business. 1350 01:14:12,976 --> 01:14:15,945 It is said that the people are revolting. 1351 01:14:15,979 --> 01:14:17,947 Yeah. They stink on ice. 1352 01:14:17,981 --> 01:14:19,949 This is a serious problem. 1353 01:14:19,983 --> 01:14:23,441 The peasants feel you have no regard for them. 1354 01:14:23,487 --> 01:14:26,456 What? I have no regard for the peasants? 1355 01:14:26,490 --> 01:14:29,459 They are my people. I am their sovereign. 1356 01:14:29,493 --> 01:14:31,757 I love them. Pull! 1357 01:14:31,795 --> 01:14:32,955 [Gunshot] 1358 01:14:32,996 --> 01:14:35,021 Aaaah! 1359 01:14:35,065 --> 01:14:36,965 Drifting to the left. 1360 01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:39,468 Your Majesty, the situation is worsening. 1361 01:14:39,503 --> 01:14:41,971 The peasants may grow violent. 1362 01:14:42,005 --> 01:14:43,472 Violent? 1363 01:14:43,507 --> 01:14:44,974 Yes. 1364 01:14:45,008 --> 01:14:46,407 I hate violence. 1365 01:14:46,443 --> 01:14:49,412 It's the one thing I detest. Violence. 1366 01:14:49,446 --> 01:14:51,971 I abhor it. Pull! 1367 01:14:52,015 --> 01:14:52,982 [Gunshot] 1368 01:14:53,016 --> 01:14:53,983 Aaah! 1369 01:14:54,017 --> 01:14:56,076 Fell like a stone. 1370 01:14:56,119 --> 01:14:58,587 ButYour Majesty, 1371 01:14:58,622 --> 01:15:00,954 just in case of the remote possibility 1372 01:15:00,991 --> 01:15:03,084 of a temporary revolution, 1373 01:15:03,126 --> 01:15:07,927 wouldn't it be wise to have you safely spirited out of Paris? 1374 01:15:07,964 --> 01:15:09,431 Perhaps you're right. 1375 01:15:09,466 --> 01:15:12,435 But who would sit on my throne? 1376 01:15:12,469 --> 01:15:14,437 We'll find a double. 1377 01:15:14,471 --> 01:15:18,430 Ah. A double in case of trouble. I like it. 1378 01:15:18,475 --> 01:15:20,306 Ha ha ha! 1379 01:15:20,343 --> 01:15:24,939 But where would you find a handsome dog to replace me? 1380 01:15:24,981 --> 01:15:28,542 Oh,yes. Of course, of course. That's it! 1381 01:15:28,585 --> 01:15:31,952 Your Majesty, you look like the piss boy. 1382 01:15:31,988 --> 01:15:35,446 And you look like a bucket of shit! 1383 01:15:35,492 --> 01:15:37,960 You don't understand, Your Majesty. 1384 01:15:37,994 --> 01:15:39,962 It is God's will, sire. 1385 01:15:39,996 --> 01:15:42,965 Except for the beauty mark and the mustache. 1386 01:15:42,999 --> 01:15:44,466 There's our double. 1387 01:15:44,501 --> 01:15:47,902 You're right. I do look like the piss boy. 1388 01:15:47,938 --> 01:15:50,406 At the first sign of trouble, 1389 01:15:50,440 --> 01:15:52,738 he shall be King. Go. 1390 01:15:52,776 --> 01:15:54,243 Immediately, sire. 1391 01:15:54,277 --> 01:15:57,405 Garcon, I must have a word with you. 1392 01:15:57,447 --> 01:15:58,914 I'm not finished. 1393 01:15:58,949 --> 01:16:00,917 You're finished. Come with me. 1394 01:16:00,951 --> 01:16:02,077 You'refinished. 1395 01:16:02,118 --> 01:16:03,085 Ooh! 1396 01:16:03,119 --> 01:16:04,609 Lackey. 1397 01:16:07,457 --> 01:16:09,118 Your Majesty. 1398 01:16:12,963 --> 01:16:14,624 Ohh! 1399 01:16:17,133 --> 01:16:19,465 It's good to be the King. 1400 01:16:20,971 --> 01:16:22,939 Good. Now the beauty mark. 1401 01:16:22,973 --> 01:16:24,463 It's coming. 1402 01:16:27,978 --> 01:16:30,776 Na na na! 1403 01:16:30,814 --> 01:16:33,442 Wonderful. No one would ever suspect 1404 01:16:33,483 --> 01:16:37,943 that His Royal Highness is really the lowly piss boy. 1405 01:16:37,988 --> 01:16:40,582 Ha ha ha! 1406 01:16:40,624 --> 01:16:43,149 This is never going to work. 1407 01:16:43,193 --> 01:16:45,161 Please, Count de Money-- 1408 01:16:45,195 --> 01:16:46,594 De Monet. 1409 01:16:46,630 --> 01:16:49,098 De Monet, Dubonnet, see Bonet. 1410 01:16:49,132 --> 01:16:52,932 It won't work. I can't behave like a King! 1411 01:16:52,969 --> 01:16:57,099 Please. See? See? I can't even walk like a King. 1412 01:16:57,140 --> 01:17:00,769 I can't walk in heels. He's good in heels. 1413 01:17:00,810 --> 01:17:03,779 Why are you doing this to me? 1414 01:17:03,813 --> 01:17:07,772 Why are you dressing me up like the King? 1415 01:17:07,817 --> 01:17:09,785 It's very simple, really. 1416 01:17:09,819 --> 01:17:11,787 Is my hair all right? 1417 01:17:11,821 --> 01:17:13,288 Dreadful. 1418 01:17:13,323 --> 01:17:15,857 Well,fix it. 1419 01:17:15,991 --> 01:17:18,482 Recently,there has been a rumor 1420 01:17:18,527 --> 01:17:19,994 about a revolution, 1421 01:17:20,028 --> 01:17:22,496 and if this revolution should succeed, 1422 01:17:22,531 --> 01:17:25,500 the people will cut off the King's head. 1423 01:17:25,534 --> 01:17:28,992 But if there is a double on the throne, 1424 01:17:29,037 --> 01:17:31,005 the King can remain safe 1425 01:17:31,039 --> 01:17:34,008 while they cut off the double's head. 1426 01:17:34,042 --> 01:17:37,170 I get it. Whoa! I get it! 1427 01:17:37,212 --> 01:17:38,679 [Knock knock knock] 1428 01:17:38,714 --> 01:17:40,807 They're here to kill me! 1429 01:17:40,849 --> 01:17:43,545 Hide. I'll see who it is. 1430 01:17:49,491 --> 01:17:51,459 All right,take me! 1431 01:17:51,493 --> 01:17:53,461 Ravage me,Your Majesty! 1432 01:17:53,495 --> 01:17:55,486 A bargain is a bargain! 1433 01:17:56,498 --> 01:17:57,965 All right. 1434 01:17:58,000 --> 01:17:59,968 Wait! You're not the King. 1435 01:18:00,002 --> 01:18:03,460 True. I am the Count de Money. De Monet. 1436 01:18:03,505 --> 01:18:05,973 The King is temporarily indisposed. 1437 01:18:06,008 --> 01:18:09,466 You've come to the right place. 1438 01:18:09,511 --> 01:18:11,001 Please. 1439 01:18:16,184 --> 01:18:18,152 You seem troubled, my dear. 1440 01:18:18,186 --> 01:18:20,654 Let me helpyou. 1441 01:18:20,689 --> 01:18:22,316 Whah. 1442 01:18:22,357 --> 01:18:25,485 I don't see how you can. 1443 01:18:25,527 --> 01:18:27,427 Why not? 1444 01:18:27,462 --> 01:18:29,987 I've decided to trade my virginity 1445 01:18:30,032 --> 01:18:32,000 for my father's freedom 1446 01:18:32,034 --> 01:18:35,003 and submit to the King's lustful wants. 1447 01:18:35,037 --> 01:18:37,005 Uh suh luh-- 1448 01:18:37,039 --> 01:18:38,006 [Clink] 1449 01:18:38,040 --> 01:18:39,530 Ohh. 1450 01:18:41,543 --> 01:18:43,101 Chipped. 1451 01:18:44,179 --> 01:18:47,979 This is the saddest night of my life. 1452 01:18:49,551 --> 01:18:52,520 And the happiest night of mine. 1453 01:18:52,554 --> 01:18:53,748 [Sobbing] 1454 01:18:53,789 --> 01:18:55,279 Excuse me. 1455 01:18:55,323 --> 01:18:57,450 Whooaa! 1456 01:18:57,492 --> 01:18:58,959 Whoa! 1457 01:18:58,994 --> 01:19:00,791 [Branches breaking] 1458 01:19:00,829 --> 01:19:02,990 Count? 1459 01:19:04,366 --> 01:19:06,960 Count de Money! Count de Money! 1460 01:19:07,002 --> 01:19:09,470 [Weakly] De Monet. De Monet. 1461 01:19:09,504 --> 01:19:12,473 Excuse me. Did you see the Count? 1462 01:19:12,507 --> 01:19:14,975 He was here a moment ago. 1463 01:19:15,010 --> 01:19:16,637 Oh! All right! 1464 01:19:16,678 --> 01:19:18,976 Your Majesty, please ravage me! 1465 01:19:19,014 --> 01:19:20,982 Gee, I just ate. 1466 01:19:21,016 --> 01:19:23,985 Oh,take me, Your Majesty! Take me! 1467 01:19:24,019 --> 01:19:25,486 Where? 1468 01:19:25,520 --> 01:19:27,488 Defile me! Humiliate me! 1469 01:19:27,522 --> 01:19:30,491 Only do it! Hump, hump, hump! 1470 01:19:30,525 --> 01:19:31,992 [Whistles] 1471 01:19:32,027 --> 01:19:34,495 It's good to be the King. 1472 01:19:34,529 --> 01:19:38,989 Look,why don't we go out to dinner, have some wine, 1473 01:19:39,034 --> 01:19:41,002 see a few nude paintings-- 1474 01:19:41,036 --> 01:19:43,766 Get in the mood,you know? 1475 01:19:43,805 --> 01:19:45,170 I don't understand. 1476 01:19:45,207 --> 01:19:49,439 You said if I let you have your way with me, 1477 01:19:49,478 --> 01:19:52,538 you'd let my father out of the dungeon. 1478 01:19:52,581 --> 01:19:54,674 Ah! That's what I said! 1479 01:19:54,716 --> 01:19:56,946 For all intents and purposes, 1480 01:19:56,985 --> 01:19:58,953 I'm the King, right? 1481 01:19:58,987 --> 01:20:01,956 There must be a pardon in my desk. 1482 01:20:01,990 --> 01:20:04,959 We'll get your daddy out of jail. 1483 01:20:04,993 --> 01:20:06,961 Let's look through the desk. 1484 01:20:06,995 --> 01:20:10,453 Must be thousands of pardons in the King's desk. 1485 01:20:10,499 --> 01:20:12,467 Here we go. OK. 1486 01:20:12,501 --> 01:20:15,698 Execution, execution, execution, execution. 1487 01:20:15,737 --> 01:20:16,965 Execution, ex-- 1488 01:20:17,005 --> 01:20:18,973 Tough guy. 1489 01:20:19,007 --> 01:20:21,475 Must be a pardon somewhere. 1490 01:20:21,510 --> 01:20:22,977 Let's see. 1491 01:20:23,011 --> 01:20:25,980 Ah, one. One left. 1492 01:20:26,014 --> 01:20:27,675 We're lucky. Yes. 1493 01:20:28,950 --> 01:20:30,975 Let's see. Your father's name? 1494 01:20:31,019 --> 01:20:32,452 Rimbaud. 1495 01:20:32,487 --> 01:20:35,479 Rrrimbaud. How do you spell Rrr? Never mind. 1496 01:20:35,524 --> 01:20:37,492 Rimbaud. Is that French? 1497 01:20:37,526 --> 01:20:38,993 Oui. 1498 01:20:39,027 --> 01:20:40,995 All right. Here we go. 1499 01:20:41,029 --> 01:20:44,988 July 14, 1789. Signed by Louis-- let's see. 1500 01:20:45,033 --> 01:20:46,933 Quatorze, quinze-- sixteen, sixteen. 1501 01:20:46,968 --> 01:20:49,937 How do you say sixteen in French? 1502 01:20:49,971 --> 01:20:51,438 Seize. 1503 01:20:51,473 --> 01:20:54,670 Seize you. Good. 1504 01:20:56,444 --> 01:20:58,435 OK. Roll this up. 1505 01:20:58,480 --> 01:21:02,940 Now,you give this to the head officer at the jail, 1506 01:21:02,984 --> 01:21:05,953 and he will set your father free. 1507 01:21:05,987 --> 01:21:07,648 Oh, Majesty. 1508 01:21:09,157 --> 01:21:10,624 [Tweet tweet] 1509 01:21:10,659 --> 01:21:12,627 Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet. 1510 01:21:12,661 --> 01:21:14,128 Hello? 1511 01:21:14,162 --> 01:21:17,131 No song for me today, Pierre? Eh? 1512 01:21:17,165 --> 01:21:19,133 What's the matter with you? 1513 01:21:19,167 --> 01:21:21,135 Cat got your tongue? 1514 01:21:21,169 --> 01:21:23,137 Rowr! 1515 01:21:23,171 --> 01:21:24,638 I was right. 1516 01:21:24,673 --> 01:21:28,131 It got his tongue, eyes, and beak-- the lot. 1517 01:21:28,176 --> 01:21:29,803 Oh, dearie me. 1518 01:21:29,845 --> 01:21:32,973 Not so lucky, Pierre. 1519 01:21:33,014 --> 01:21:36,973 Oh,you naughty pussy. 1520 01:21:37,018 --> 01:21:38,986 Naughty, naughty pussy. 1521 01:21:39,020 --> 01:21:43,480 And now to invent the catapult. 1522 01:21:43,525 --> 01:21:45,425 Rowr! 1523 01:21:45,460 --> 01:21:47,587 Yreow! 1524 01:21:47,629 --> 01:21:49,119 He's in there. 1525 01:21:52,601 --> 01:21:54,535 Father! 1526 01:21:54,569 --> 01:21:55,536 Aah! 1527 01:21:55,570 --> 01:21:58,562 Oh, my darling father, I have good news! 1528 01:21:58,607 --> 01:22:00,438 You're free! 1529 01:22:00,475 --> 01:22:02,443 Rowr! Free! 1530 01:22:02,477 --> 01:22:05,446 Did you hear that, my little winged friends? 1531 01:22:05,480 --> 01:22:06,947 Free,free! 1532 01:22:06,982 --> 01:22:12,113 And so they shall be free,too! 1533 01:22:12,153 --> 01:22:13,484 Too! 1534 01:22:16,491 --> 01:22:19,949 Fly, my pretty one! Fly! 1535 01:22:19,995 --> 01:22:21,963 Whee! 1536 01:22:21,997 --> 01:22:24,591 The sky's your playground! 1537 01:22:24,633 --> 01:22:26,123 Happy landings! 1538 01:22:26,167 --> 01:22:27,794 Mother. Mrs. Schultz. 1539 01:22:27,836 --> 01:22:29,394 Hurry, Father, 1540 01:22:29,437 --> 01:22:32,463 before the King changes his mind. 1541 01:22:32,507 --> 01:22:33,974 [Explosion] 1542 01:22:34,009 --> 01:22:36,136 What a racket! I can't sleep. 1543 01:22:36,177 --> 01:22:37,804 Guns,fireworks! 1544 01:22:39,014 --> 01:22:41,778 Quick,your Majesty! It's a revolution! 1545 01:22:41,816 --> 01:22:43,977 You've got to escape! 1546 01:22:44,019 --> 01:22:45,987 They're storming the palace! 1547 01:22:46,021 --> 01:22:48,489 So that's the noise! The revolution! 1548 01:22:48,523 --> 01:22:50,491 I'm free! I'm free! 1549 01:22:50,525 --> 01:22:52,993 My father,the man you pardoned. 1550 01:22:53,028 --> 01:22:56,486 I thought I'd never live to see the day 1551 01:22:56,531 --> 01:22:58,499 when I was once again-- 1552 01:22:58,533 --> 01:23:00,000 Yes,yes. 1553 01:23:00,035 --> 01:23:03,004 [Snoring] 1554 01:23:03,038 --> 01:23:04,562 Dad! 1555 01:23:04,606 --> 01:23:06,005 Aaah! 1556 01:23:06,041 --> 01:23:09,602 Whatfool put a carpet on the wall? 1557 01:23:09,644 --> 01:23:11,168 Hurry up! 1558 01:23:11,212 --> 01:23:14,841 You're not as tall as you used to be. 1559 01:23:14,883 --> 01:23:16,214 Quick! Hurry! 1560 01:23:20,055 --> 01:23:22,523 What the-- Who designed this place? 1561 01:23:22,557 --> 01:23:23,956 [Crowd yelling] 1562 01:23:28,630 --> 01:23:31,190 That way! That way! 1563 01:23:31,232 --> 01:23:32,859 There he is! 1564 01:23:32,901 --> 01:23:36,029 Wait! Wait! You're making a big mistake! 1565 01:23:36,071 --> 01:23:39,040 In the name of the people of France-- 1566 01:23:39,074 --> 01:23:40,200 Frawnce. 1567 01:23:40,241 --> 01:23:42,766 Frawnce. We place you, King Louis, 1568 01:23:42,811 --> 01:23:44,210 under arrest. 1569 01:23:44,245 --> 01:23:48,079 But--dot dot dot-- you don't understand. 1570 01:23:48,116 --> 01:23:49,640 Take him away. 1571 01:23:49,684 --> 01:23:51,777 Take them all away! 1572 01:23:51,820 --> 01:23:54,345 No! Wait! I'm with you! 1573 01:23:54,389 --> 01:23:55,981 Whee! 1574 01:23:56,024 --> 01:23:57,685 Whee! 1575 01:23:59,928 --> 01:24:02,021 [Yelling] 1576 01:24:17,645 --> 01:24:19,670 Courage, my dear. 1577 01:24:19,714 --> 01:24:22,683 Watch me and take heart by my example. 1578 01:24:22,717 --> 01:24:25,948 I may not have been born a King 1579 01:24:25,987 --> 01:24:28,512 or lived like a King, 1580 01:24:28,556 --> 01:24:31,525 but I can die like a King. 1581 01:24:31,559 --> 01:24:33,527 Your Majesty,you're next. 1582 01:24:33,561 --> 01:24:36,359 Do you require a blindfold? 1583 01:24:36,398 --> 01:24:37,865 None. 1584 01:24:37,899 --> 01:24:39,867 Have you any last words? 1585 01:24:39,901 --> 01:24:41,368 None. 1586 01:24:41,403 --> 01:24:42,927 Test the guillotine. 1587 01:24:42,971 --> 01:24:44,268 [Crowd roars] 1588 01:24:45,507 --> 01:24:48,567 Holy shit! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 1589 01:24:48,610 --> 01:24:50,635 Last request. Last request. 1590 01:24:50,678 --> 01:24:52,646 What is your last request? 1591 01:24:52,680 --> 01:24:54,011 Novocain. 1592 01:24:56,518 --> 01:25:00,523 There is no such thing known to medical science. 1593 01:25:01,524 --> 01:25:03,651 I'll wait. 1594 01:25:03,693 --> 01:25:04,682 Seize him! 1595 01:25:04,728 --> 01:25:07,253 Off with his head! 1596 01:25:07,297 --> 01:25:10,357 Please, listen to me. I'm not the King! 1597 01:25:10,400 --> 01:25:12,197 -Bullshit! -Bullshit! 1598 01:25:12,235 --> 01:25:14,726 It's a very hard crowd. 1599 01:25:14,771 --> 01:25:16,466 Seize him! 1600 01:25:16,506 --> 01:25:18,474 Wait! Give me a break! 1601 01:25:18,508 --> 01:25:21,602 I don't want to die! Don't hurt me! 1602 01:25:34,491 --> 01:25:36,891 Only a miracle can save him! 1603 01:25:36,926 --> 01:25:38,257 Neigh! 1604 01:25:40,463 --> 01:25:41,930 It's Miracle! 1605 01:25:44,668 --> 01:25:46,693 I don't believe it! Josephus! 1606 01:25:46,736 --> 01:25:48,328 Whoa! 1607 01:25:48,371 --> 01:25:51,966 Hey, baby! Get down. Get down. 1608 01:25:52,008 --> 01:25:54,636 Jump. Get down. 1609 01:25:54,678 --> 01:25:56,202 Come on. 1610 01:26:04,220 --> 01:26:08,850 How'd you get all the way here from the Roman Empire? 1611 01:26:08,892 --> 01:26:10,860 Don't be square, mon cher. 1612 01:26:10,894 --> 01:26:12,384 Movies is magic! 1613 01:26:16,733 --> 01:26:20,362 Uh-oh. We had better kiss soon! 1614 01:26:20,403 --> 01:26:21,870 Why? 1615 01:26:21,905 --> 01:26:23,873 We're coming to the end. 1616 01:26:23,907 --> 01:26:25,374 See? 1617 01:26:25,408 --> 01:26:27,035 Oh, my darling. 1618 01:26:27,077 --> 01:26:28,408 [Smack] 1619 01:26:29,412 --> 01:26:31,073 Oh, my love. 1620 01:26:34,918 --> 01:26:37,079 This is a big ending. 1621 01:26:50,433 --> 01:26:52,867 Wait! Where are you going? 1622 01:27:01,678 --> 01:27:03,873 [Waltz playing] 1623 01:27:19,729 --> 01:27:22,357 SING: Ohh ohh ohh 1624 01:27:22,399 --> 01:27:29,862 Ohh ohh ohh 1625 01:27:29,906 --> 01:27:33,865 Ohh ohh ohh 1626 01:27:33,910 --> 01:27:37,573 Ohh 1627 01:27:47,524 --> 01:27:51,824 We're Jews out in space 1628 01:27:51,861 --> 01:27:55,160 We're zooming along, protecting the Hebrew race 1629 01:27:55,198 --> 01:27:59,828 We're Jews out in space 1630 01:27:59,869 --> 01:28:00,995 If trouble appears 1631 01:28:01,037 --> 01:28:03,904 We'll put it right back in its place 1632 01:28:03,940 --> 01:28:07,341 When Goyim attack us 1633 01:28:07,377 --> 01:28:08,844 We'll give 'em a smack 1634 01:28:08,878 --> 01:28:10,971 We'll slap 'em right back in the face 1635 01:28:27,297 --> 01:28:31,199 We're Jews out in space 1636 01:28:31,234 --> 01:28:32,861 We're zooming along 1637 01:28:32,902 --> 01:28:38,670 Protecting the Hebrew race