1 00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:30,288 I told you to stay off the boardwalk. 2 00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:37,046 Okay, boys, let's go. 3 00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:48,493 You, too, off the boardwalk. 4 00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:04,768 Keep going. 5 00:03:04,853 --> 00:03:06,525 Hey, I liked that song. 6 00:03:07,013 --> 00:03:08,412 Keep going, Mom. 7 00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:10,361 -How about this? -Hang on. 8 00:03:10,453 --> 00:03:12,842 I don't see any bogeymen or nasty guys. 9 00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:18,573 Keep going. You want to switch the band? 10 00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:33,605 -Keep going! -Wait. That's from my era! 11 00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:43,132 We're almost there. 12 00:03:43,293 --> 00:03:44,931 What's that smell? 13 00:03:45,173 --> 00:03:46,811 That's the ocean air. 14 00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:48,605 Smells like someone died. 15 00:03:49,893 --> 00:03:51,770 Guys, I know the last year hasn't been easy, but... 16 00:03:51,853 --> 00:03:55,209 ...I think you're really going to like living in Santa Carla. 17 00:04:35,973 --> 00:04:38,043 There's an amusement park right on the beach. 18 00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:40,693 Sam, tell those kids to get something to eat. 19 00:04:41,653 --> 00:04:42,722 Any jobs around here? 20 00:04:42,813 --> 00:04:44,246 Nothing legal. 21 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,772 Come on, Nanook. 22 00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:36,568 Dad? 23 00:06:37,493 --> 00:06:38,448 Dad? 24 00:06:38,853 --> 00:06:39,968 Looks like he's dead. 25 00:06:40,053 --> 00:06:41,884 No, he's just a deep sleeper. 26 00:06:42,093 --> 00:06:44,482 If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix? 27 00:06:45,173 --> 00:06:46,447 Playing dead... 28 00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:49,730 ...and from what I heard, doing a damn good job of it, too. 29 00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:00,246 This is a pretty cool place. 30 00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:02,369 For The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 31 00:07:02,453 --> 00:07:04,364 Come on, Sam, give Mom a break. 32 00:07:04,773 --> 00:07:06,684 What's wrong with this picture? 33 00:07:06,773 --> 00:07:10,766 There's no TV. Have you seen a TV? I haven't seen a TV. 34 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,846 You know what it means when there's no TV? No MTV. 35 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,844 Sammy, we are flat broke. 36 00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:21,807 Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew... 37 00:07:21,893 --> 00:07:24,965 ...who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced. 38 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:26,562 I know. 39 00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:31,082 But a big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation. 40 00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:34,009 We've all been through enough. 41 00:07:34,733 --> 00:07:36,928 Anyway, I was raised better than that. 42 00:07:37,013 --> 00:07:38,810 Ouch, my hair. 43 00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:42,851 Mom, you gotta help me. 44 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:46,801 Hey, guys, no running in the house! 45 00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:57,162 Talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 46 00:07:58,613 --> 00:07:59,887 Rules! 47 00:08:00,373 --> 00:08:03,092 We've got some rules around here. 48 00:08:03,573 --> 00:08:05,529 Second shelf is mine. 49 00:08:05,613 --> 00:08:09,492 That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. 50 00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:12,606 Nobody touches the second shelf, but me. 51 00:08:14,173 --> 00:08:17,085 There's another rule around here, and I want you to pay close attention. 52 00:08:17,173 --> 00:08:19,084 Don't touch anything. 53 00:08:19,453 --> 00:08:21,091 Everything is exactly where I want it. 54 00:08:21,173 --> 00:08:22,128 Grandpa... 55 00:08:22,213 --> 00:08:25,728 ...is it true that Santa Carla's the murder capital of the world? 56 00:08:26,213 --> 00:08:28,249 There are some bad elements around here. 57 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,891 Wait, let me get this straight. 58 00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:32,567 You're telling me we've moved to the murder capital of the world? 59 00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:33,927 Are you serious, Grandpa? 60 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,651 Well, let me put it this way. 61 00:08:35,733 --> 00:08:39,487 If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once... 62 00:08:39,573 --> 00:08:42,167 ...we'd have one hell of a population problem. 63 00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:44,722 Great, Dad. 64 00:08:44,893 --> 00:08:46,485 Now, on Wednesdays... 65 00:08:46,573 --> 00:08:48,928 ...when the mailman brings the TV Guide... 66 00:08:49,013 --> 00:08:52,164 ...sometimes the address label is curled up just a little. 67 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:54,722 You'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't. 68 00:08:55,253 --> 00:08:58,563 You'll only wind up rippin' the cover and I don't like that. 69 00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:00,206 And stay outta here. 70 00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:03,006 -You have a TV? -No. 71 00:09:03,253 --> 00:09:05,323 I just like to read the TV Guide. 72 00:09:05,533 --> 00:09:08,252 If you read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV. 73 00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:19,725 I can't find my mom. 74 00:11:21,693 --> 00:11:23,092 What's the matter? 75 00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:27,407 Are you lost? 76 00:11:36,213 --> 00:11:37,566 Let's ask in here. 77 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,689 Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us. 78 00:11:39,773 --> 00:11:42,890 This boy is lost and we're wondering if his mother might be in here. 79 00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,406 I don't really know. 80 00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:47,732 I was so worried! 81 00:11:48,453 --> 00:11:49,681 Don't run off like that. 82 00:11:49,773 --> 00:11:50,683 There you are. 83 00:11:50,773 --> 00:11:51,967 Thank you. 84 00:11:52,053 --> 00:11:53,406 Bye, Terry. 85 00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:56,363 We only come here to watch one thing. 86 00:11:58,253 --> 00:11:59,242 Well done. 87 00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:00,402 No, thanks. 88 00:12:00,493 --> 00:12:02,723 Well, on second thought.... 89 00:12:04,053 --> 00:12:06,328 I told you not to come in here anymore. 90 00:12:15,973 --> 00:12:17,167 Wild kids. 91 00:12:17,373 --> 00:12:20,365 Oh, they're just young. We were that age, too, once. 92 00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:26,169 Only they dress better. Bye-bye. 93 00:12:26,253 --> 00:12:29,165 You have a generous nature. I like that in a person. 94 00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:31,605 -My name is Max. -I'm Lucy. 95 00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:35,169 -That's my dog, Thorn. -Hi, Thorn. 96 00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:36,288 Say "hello," Thorn. 97 00:12:36,373 --> 00:12:38,170 So how may I help you this evening? 98 00:12:38,253 --> 00:12:39,242 We have it all. 99 00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:41,403 The best selection of video tapes in Santa Carla. 100 00:12:41,493 --> 00:12:44,007 No, I'm not looking for a tape. 101 00:12:44,213 --> 00:12:45,851 What I need is... 102 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,122 A job? 103 00:12:47,373 --> 00:12:48,362 ...a job. 104 00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:50,444 Yeah. I look that needy, huh? 105 00:12:57,653 --> 00:12:59,848 -Where are we going? -Nowhere. 106 00:12:59,973 --> 00:13:01,406 So what's the rush? 107 00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:03,324 You're chasing that girl, aren't you? 108 00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:05,563 Come on, admit it. You're chasing her. 109 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,484 I'm at the mercy of your sex glands. 110 00:13:07,573 --> 00:13:11,327 Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night? 111 00:13:13,253 --> 00:13:14,766 Actually, I do. 112 00:13:50,453 --> 00:13:51,852 Got a problem guys? 113 00:13:52,093 --> 00:13:54,687 Just scoping your civilian wardrobe. 114 00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:56,292 Pretty cool, huh? 115 00:13:56,853 --> 00:13:58,411 For a fashion victim. 116 00:13:59,093 --> 00:14:01,766 If you're looking for the diet frozen-yogurt bar... 117 00:14:01,853 --> 00:14:03,969 ...it went out of business last summer. 118 00:14:04,053 --> 00:14:06,647 Actually, I'm looking for Batman, no. 14. 119 00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,292 That's a very serious book, man. 120 00:14:08,373 --> 00:14:09,852 Only five in existence. 121 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,207 Four, actually. 122 00:14:11,773 --> 00:14:14,287 I'm always lookin' out for the other three. 123 00:14:16,253 --> 00:14:19,370 You can't put the Superman, no. 77 with the 200s. 124 00:14:19,573 --> 00:14:21,529 They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet. 125 00:14:21,613 --> 00:14:25,162 And you can't put the no. 98 with the 300s. 126 00:14:25,413 --> 00:14:27,847 Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced. 127 00:14:27,973 --> 00:14:30,009 Where the hell are you from? Krypton? 128 00:14:30,093 --> 00:14:31,526 Phoenix, actually. 129 00:14:31,613 --> 00:14:33,729 But, lucky me, we moved... 130 00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:35,728 ...here. 131 00:14:40,173 --> 00:14:41,242 Take this. 132 00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:45,212 I don't like horror comics. 133 00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,363 You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix. 134 00:14:48,093 --> 00:14:49,731 It could save your life. 135 00:15:30,773 --> 00:15:32,411 Come on, she stiffed ya. 136 00:15:57,013 --> 00:15:58,765 -What was that? -What was what? 137 00:15:58,853 --> 00:16:01,242 -I thought I heard something. -Forget it. 138 00:16:22,413 --> 00:16:24,768 -How do you like that baby? -It's a beauty. 139 00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,366 Come on, let's get in. 140 00:16:27,373 --> 00:16:29,045 Can I drive on the way back? 141 00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:32,011 Fat chance. Nobody drives this baby, but me. 142 00:16:43,693 --> 00:16:45,649 We have to let it warm up a little. 143 00:16:45,733 --> 00:16:48,691 Hear that sound? Just like a baby pussycat. 144 00:16:49,493 --> 00:16:52,087 Okay, let's go to town. 145 00:16:57,373 --> 00:16:59,091 Are we having fun, or what? 146 00:16:59,173 --> 00:17:00,765 I thought we were going to town. 147 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,572 That's as close to town as I like to get. 148 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,206 Total weirdo, man. 149 00:17:26,053 --> 00:17:29,568 Noticed anything unusual about Santa Carla yet? 150 00:17:29,693 --> 00:17:31,524 No, it's a pretty cool place. 151 00:17:32,773 --> 00:17:34,968 -If you're a Martian. -Or a vampire. 152 00:17:36,053 --> 00:17:38,408 Are you sniffing old newsprint or something? 153 00:17:38,493 --> 00:17:40,802 You think you really know what's happening here. 154 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,090 Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know shit, buddy. 155 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,606 You think we just work in a comic bookstore for our folks? 156 00:17:47,693 --> 00:17:49,649 Actually, I thought it was a bakery. 157 00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:51,405 This is just our cover. 158 00:17:52,093 --> 00:17:54,448 We're dedicated to a higher purpose. 159 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,604 We're fighters for "Truth... 160 00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:59,727 "...Justice, and the American way." 161 00:18:00,373 --> 00:18:01,442 All right. 162 00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:06,482 Read this. 163 00:18:07,573 --> 00:18:09,643 I told you I don't like horror comics. 164 00:18:09,893 --> 00:18:12,282 Think of it more as a survival manual. 165 00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:14,531 There's our number on the back... 166 00:18:14,613 --> 00:18:16,968 ...and pray you never need to call us. 167 00:18:18,173 --> 00:18:19,322 I'll pray... 168 00:18:20,093 --> 00:18:21,890 ...I never need to call you. 169 00:18:22,373 --> 00:18:23,328 Sure. 170 00:18:34,893 --> 00:18:37,407 It look's great. Definitely. Enjoy it. 171 00:18:38,173 --> 00:18:39,128 Thanks. 172 00:18:46,373 --> 00:18:47,442 Excuse me. 173 00:18:49,013 --> 00:18:50,241 It won't hurt. 174 00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:55,452 It's a rip-off. 175 00:18:59,613 --> 00:19:00,568 Hi. 176 00:19:01,813 --> 00:19:04,247 If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. 177 00:19:05,413 --> 00:19:07,005 What's your name? 178 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,243 Star. 179 00:19:08,373 --> 00:19:10,045 Oh, your folks, too, huh? 180 00:19:10,173 --> 00:19:12,448 -What do you mean? -Ex-hippies. 181 00:19:12,573 --> 00:19:15,724 I came this close to being called Moon Beam or Moon Child. 182 00:19:15,973 --> 00:19:17,611 Or something like that. 183 00:19:18,813 --> 00:19:20,883 But Star's great. I like Star. 184 00:19:21,253 --> 00:19:22,368 Me, too. 185 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:24,482 I'm Michael. 186 00:19:24,893 --> 00:19:27,248 Michael's great. I like Michael. 187 00:19:29,613 --> 00:19:31,490 Want to get something to eat? 188 00:19:31,693 --> 00:19:32,682 Okay. 189 00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:43,885 Where are you going, Star? 190 00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:46,449 For a ride. This is Michael. 191 00:19:47,773 --> 00:19:48,967 Let's go. 192 00:19:49,053 --> 00:19:50,042 Star? 193 00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:08,405 You know where Hudson's Bluff is, overlooking the point? 194 00:20:09,413 --> 00:20:10,766 I can't beat your bike. 195 00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:12,923 You don't have to beat me, Michael. 196 00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:15,083 You just have to try and keep up. 197 00:20:17,173 --> 00:20:18,811 We're going for a ride. 198 00:21:44,853 --> 00:21:46,172 Come on! 199 00:21:56,653 --> 00:21:58,291 Come on, Michael! 200 00:22:16,693 --> 00:22:18,763 -What the hell are you doing? -No! 201 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,765 Just you! Come on! 202 00:22:23,253 --> 00:22:24,481 Just you! 203 00:22:26,453 --> 00:22:28,205 Come on, just you. 204 00:22:30,213 --> 00:22:32,522 How far are you willing to go, Michael? 205 00:22:46,413 --> 00:22:48,688 Hit the rock box, buddy. 206 00:22:56,413 --> 00:22:57,732 Not bad, huh? 207 00:22:58,853 --> 00:23:02,243 This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. 208 00:23:02,853 --> 00:23:05,003 Too bad they built it on a fault. 209 00:23:05,853 --> 00:23:07,730 In 1906... 210 00:23:08,373 --> 00:23:10,762 ...when the big one hit San Francisco... 211 00:23:11,173 --> 00:23:14,165 ...the ground opened up, and this place took a header... 212 00:23:14,253 --> 00:23:15,891 ...right into the crack. 213 00:23:18,973 --> 00:23:20,042 Now it's ours. 214 00:23:20,133 --> 00:23:22,089 So, check it out, Mikey. 215 00:23:22,933 --> 00:23:24,048 Marko.... 216 00:23:24,733 --> 00:23:25,722 Food. 217 00:23:27,333 --> 00:23:29,528 That's what I love about this place. 218 00:23:29,773 --> 00:23:31,445 You ask, and then you get. 219 00:23:36,053 --> 00:23:37,771 Appetizer? 220 00:23:42,173 --> 00:23:44,050 You'll like it here, Michael. 221 00:23:47,453 --> 00:23:49,125 Ten o'clock. Lights out. 222 00:23:49,613 --> 00:23:51,046 Did you brush your teeth? 223 00:23:51,133 --> 00:23:52,407 Okay, 'night, sweetheart. 224 00:23:52,493 --> 00:23:53,528 Mom? 225 00:23:56,773 --> 00:23:57,842 Sorry. 226 00:23:59,133 --> 00:24:01,647 I can never sleep with the closet door open, either. 227 00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:03,166 Not even a crack. 228 00:24:03,813 --> 00:24:07,408 Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit, but I think that... 229 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,081 ...one of the reasons I divorced your father... 230 00:24:11,173 --> 00:24:14,529 ...was because he never believed in the closet monster. 231 00:24:17,933 --> 00:24:21,369 Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that! 232 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:24,530 Brought you somethin' to dress up your room with, Sam. 233 00:24:25,373 --> 00:24:26,852 How do you like that? 234 00:24:26,973 --> 00:24:27,928 Thanks, Grandpa. 235 00:24:28,013 --> 00:24:30,527 Oh, Dad, really! You shouldn't have! 236 00:24:31,653 --> 00:24:33,371 Lots more where he came from. 237 00:24:33,453 --> 00:24:35,728 -Good night, Sam. -Good night, Grandpa. 238 00:24:38,053 --> 00:24:39,008 Lights, Sam. 239 00:24:39,093 --> 00:24:41,323 As soon as I finish this comic, okay? 240 00:24:56,053 --> 00:24:58,089 You're history, buddy. 241 00:25:08,413 --> 00:25:10,608 Feeding time. Come and get it, boys. 242 00:25:14,173 --> 00:25:16,050 Chinese. Good choice. 243 00:25:17,533 --> 00:25:18,886 Over here, bud. 244 00:25:20,413 --> 00:25:21,607 Guests first. 245 00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:24,292 You don't like rice? 246 00:25:24,453 --> 00:25:27,889 Tell me, Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong? 247 00:25:30,013 --> 00:25:31,048 Come on. 248 00:25:39,893 --> 00:25:41,770 How are those maggots? 249 00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:44,612 Maggots, Michael. 250 00:25:44,693 --> 00:25:47,082 You're eating maggots. How do they taste? 251 00:25:53,893 --> 00:25:55,451 Leave him alone. 252 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:10,086 Sorry about that. 253 00:26:10,453 --> 00:26:12,045 No hard feelings, huh? 254 00:26:15,853 --> 00:26:17,809 Why don't you try some noodles? 255 00:26:20,333 --> 00:26:22,722 -They're worms. -What do you mean, worms? 256 00:26:24,413 --> 00:26:25,812 Don't eat- 257 00:26:28,653 --> 00:26:30,564 They're only noodles, Michael. 258 00:26:35,133 --> 00:26:36,612 That's enough. 259 00:27:18,293 --> 00:27:20,124 Drink some of this, Michael. 260 00:27:22,173 --> 00:27:23,572 Be one of us. 261 00:27:40,813 --> 00:27:43,247 Don't! You don't have to, Michael. 262 00:27:48,453 --> 00:27:49,522 It's blood. 263 00:27:50,813 --> 00:27:52,451 Yeah, sure. 264 00:27:54,653 --> 00:27:56,291 Bravo! 265 00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:02,931 You were right, Marko. 266 00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:11,405 You're one of us, bud. 267 00:29:15,213 --> 00:29:16,407 Perfect timing. 268 00:29:18,973 --> 00:29:20,326 What's going on? 269 00:29:22,373 --> 00:29:24,762 Michael wants to know "what's going on." 270 00:29:26,293 --> 00:29:27,328 Marko? 271 00:29:27,893 --> 00:29:29,406 "What's going on?" 272 00:29:29,653 --> 00:29:30,802 I don't know. 273 00:29:30,893 --> 00:29:32,451 "What's going on," Paul? 274 00:29:32,533 --> 00:29:35,001 -Who wants to know? -Michael wants to know. 275 00:29:36,413 --> 00:29:39,371 I think we should let Michael know "what's going on." 276 00:29:42,613 --> 00:29:44,046 Marko.... 277 00:29:44,413 --> 00:29:45,812 Good night, Michael. 278 00:29:45,893 --> 00:29:47,167 Bombs away. 279 00:29:48,533 --> 00:29:50,091 Bottoms up, man. 280 00:29:56,933 --> 00:29:58,571 Come with us, Michael. 281 00:30:09,853 --> 00:30:11,491 Michael Emerson.... 282 00:30:12,373 --> 00:30:14,011 Come on down. 283 00:30:27,893 --> 00:30:29,804 Welcome aboard, Michael. 284 00:30:30,813 --> 00:30:31,802 Fun, huh? 285 00:30:46,133 --> 00:30:47,407 Hold on! 286 00:31:00,493 --> 00:31:02,404 Don't be scared, Michael! 287 00:31:09,493 --> 00:31:12,644 Michael, you're one of us. Let go! 288 00:31:13,373 --> 00:31:14,522 And do what? 289 00:31:14,613 --> 00:31:16,808 You are one of us, Michael. 290 00:31:21,373 --> 00:31:23,489 David! 291 00:32:38,133 --> 00:32:40,203 Mike, wake up. 292 00:32:42,613 --> 00:32:43,841 It's Mom. 293 00:32:45,013 --> 00:32:47,083 -Mom's home? -No, on the phone. 294 00:32:48,373 --> 00:32:49,408 What time is it? 295 00:32:49,493 --> 00:32:50,812 It's two o'clock. 296 00:32:51,853 --> 00:32:53,491 Give me those sunglasses. 297 00:32:53,813 --> 00:32:56,202 You need sunglasses to talk on the phone? 298 00:32:56,293 --> 00:32:59,012 Are you freebasing? Inquiring minds want to know. 299 00:33:04,693 --> 00:33:06,968 -Hello? -Michael, are you still in bed? 300 00:33:07,053 --> 00:33:08,566 No. I'm up. 301 00:33:08,693 --> 00:33:10,729 Michael, would you do me a favor? 302 00:33:10,933 --> 00:33:13,163 Max asked me to go to dinner with him after work tonight. 303 00:33:13,253 --> 00:33:14,652 Would you stay home with Sam? 304 00:33:14,733 --> 00:33:16,928 Sam is old enough to stay by himself. 305 00:33:17,013 --> 00:33:19,129 I don't need no babysitter, Mike. 306 00:33:19,493 --> 00:33:21,768 Michael, you come home in the middle of the night... 307 00:33:21,853 --> 00:33:23,332 ...you sleep all day. 308 00:33:23,493 --> 00:33:25,723 I work all day. Sam is always alone. 309 00:33:27,053 --> 00:33:29,726 It's been a long time since somebody's asked me out to dinner. 310 00:33:29,813 --> 00:33:30,848 I'd like to go. 311 00:33:30,933 --> 00:33:31,843 Okay? 312 00:33:33,693 --> 00:33:34,762 Okay, Mom. 313 00:33:35,093 --> 00:33:36,890 Thanks, it's a real favor. 314 00:33:37,493 --> 00:33:38,528 Bye-bye. 315 00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:56,166 Anything in here that might pass for after-shave? 316 00:33:59,133 --> 00:34:01,089 How about some Windex, Grandpa? 317 00:34:01,813 --> 00:34:03,724 Yeah, let me try some of that. 318 00:34:12,733 --> 00:34:14,803 Have a big date tonight, Grandpa? 319 00:34:17,653 --> 00:34:21,202 I'm going to drop off some of my handiwork to the "Widow" Johnson. 320 00:34:21,293 --> 00:34:23,648 What'd you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson? 321 00:34:25,493 --> 00:34:27,131 See you two guys later. 322 00:34:28,053 --> 00:34:29,486 That wasn't funny! 323 00:34:42,053 --> 00:34:43,930 I'm gonna make you a sandwich. 324 00:34:44,813 --> 00:34:45,962 Don't bother. 325 00:34:46,173 --> 00:34:49,483 Lose the earring, Michael. It's not you. It's definitely not you. 326 00:34:49,573 --> 00:34:50,403 Piss off. 327 00:34:50,493 --> 00:34:52,609 All you do is give attitude lately. 328 00:34:52,853 --> 00:34:55,242 You've been watching too much Dynasty. 329 00:35:32,813 --> 00:35:34,610 Mike, don't open the door! 330 00:35:51,893 --> 00:35:53,531 What's going on, Mike? 331 00:35:54,093 --> 00:35:55,492 Go take your bath. 332 00:38:06,453 --> 00:38:08,171 Michael, are you there? 333 00:38:10,373 --> 00:38:11,362 Nanook? 334 00:38:28,253 --> 00:38:29,925 Michael, what happened? 335 00:38:30,133 --> 00:38:31,851 -Nanook.... -What about Nanook? 336 00:38:31,933 --> 00:38:33,685 What did you do to my dog, asshole? 337 00:38:33,773 --> 00:38:37,083 Nothing. I didn't hurt him. He bit me. This is my blood. 338 00:38:37,213 --> 00:38:38,851 Why did he bite you, huh? 339 00:38:38,933 --> 00:38:40,571 What did you do to him? 340 00:38:44,413 --> 00:38:45,971 He was protecting you. 341 00:38:48,173 --> 00:38:50,448 Look at your reflection in the mirror. 342 00:38:58,413 --> 00:39:00,131 You're a creature of the night. 343 00:39:00,213 --> 00:39:02,124 Just like out of a comic book. 344 00:39:02,453 --> 00:39:03,806 You're a vampire, Michael! 345 00:39:03,893 --> 00:39:06,407 My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire! 346 00:39:06,493 --> 00:39:08,165 Wait till Mom finds out! 347 00:39:08,333 --> 00:39:09,766 Sammy, wait! Sam! 348 00:39:09,973 --> 00:39:11,645 -Stay back! -Just let me talk- 349 00:39:11,733 --> 00:39:13,564 Wait a minute! Sam! 350 00:39:15,893 --> 00:39:17,770 Stay away from me, Mike! 351 00:39:50,093 --> 00:39:51,970 You did the right thing by calling us. 352 00:39:52,053 --> 00:39:53,327 Does your brother sleep a lot? 353 00:39:53,413 --> 00:39:54,687 Yeah, all day. 354 00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:56,691 Does the sunlight freak him out? 355 00:39:56,773 --> 00:39:58,604 He wears sunglasses in the house. 356 00:39:58,693 --> 00:40:01,002 Bad breath? Long fingernails? 357 00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:03,801 Yeah, his fingernails are a bit longer.... 358 00:40:03,893 --> 00:40:05,963 He always had bad breath, though. 359 00:40:06,653 --> 00:40:08,325 He's a vampire all right. 360 00:40:08,533 --> 00:40:10,091 Here's what you do. 361 00:40:10,293 --> 00:40:12,523 Get yourself a good sharp stake... 362 00:40:12,773 --> 00:40:14,286 ...and drive it through his heart. 363 00:40:14,373 --> 00:40:16,011 I can't do that! He's my brother! 364 00:40:16,093 --> 00:40:17,890 Okay, we'll come over and do it for you. 365 00:40:17,973 --> 00:40:18,689 No! 366 00:40:18,773 --> 00:40:21,492 You better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy. 367 00:40:21,573 --> 00:40:23,131 Or it's your funeral. 368 00:41:23,853 --> 00:41:24,683 Hello. 369 00:41:24,773 --> 00:41:26,525 Sam, is everything all right? 370 00:41:26,613 --> 00:41:29,969 Mom, I think we have to have a real long talk about something. 371 00:41:30,173 --> 00:41:31,322 Help! 372 00:41:31,453 --> 00:41:34,525 What's going on there? Sam, I'm starting to get worried. 373 00:41:36,253 --> 00:41:39,723 What are you doing? Is that Michael? Who's breathing like that? 374 00:41:40,533 --> 00:41:43,206 -We should stay calm. -Calm? Calm about what? 375 00:41:43,653 --> 00:41:46,770 -Nothing, nothing. -Who's making that noise? 376 00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:49,568 Mom, I can't talk on the phone. It's about Michael. 377 00:41:49,653 --> 00:41:52,406 Don't listen to him, Mom. He doesn't know what he's saying. 378 00:41:52,493 --> 00:41:53,403 Shut up! 379 00:41:53,493 --> 00:41:55,165 Mom! Help! He's coming to get me! 380 00:41:55,253 --> 00:41:56,686 Oh, my God! 381 00:41:58,013 --> 00:41:58,809 He'll kill me! 382 00:41:58,893 --> 00:42:00,326 Honey, I'm coming. 383 00:42:01,493 --> 00:42:03,688 Tell him to get away! No! Mom! 384 00:42:16,213 --> 00:42:17,566 Open up! 385 00:42:17,973 --> 00:42:19,201 Stay back! 386 00:42:19,333 --> 00:42:21,289 Sammy, help me! Open up! 387 00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:22,169 Help me! 388 00:42:22,253 --> 00:42:23,845 Sammy, open the window! 389 00:42:23,933 --> 00:42:25,127 Never! I knew it! 390 00:42:25,213 --> 00:42:26,168 I'm not! 391 00:42:26,253 --> 00:42:28,483 So what are you, the "flying nun"? 392 00:42:28,893 --> 00:42:31,487 I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me! 393 00:42:32,693 --> 00:42:34,524 Sammy, open up! 394 00:42:44,453 --> 00:42:45,886 Please? 395 00:42:46,893 --> 00:42:48,212 Please! 396 00:42:53,173 --> 00:42:54,322 Thanks. 397 00:42:56,373 --> 00:42:59,729 We've got to stick together, Sam. 398 00:43:00,173 --> 00:43:01,606 What about Mom? 399 00:43:01,693 --> 00:43:03,570 Just don't tell her anything. 400 00:43:04,213 --> 00:43:07,410 I don't know, Mike. It's not like getting a "D" in school. 401 00:43:10,693 --> 00:43:11,842 We're gonna work this out. 402 00:43:11,933 --> 00:43:14,322 I'm gonna work this out. Trust me, okay? 403 00:43:22,293 --> 00:43:24,011 Sam, are you all right? 404 00:43:24,093 --> 00:43:26,049 You had me scared to death. 405 00:43:27,013 --> 00:43:28,685 I'm okay. I was reading a horror comic. 406 00:43:28,773 --> 00:43:32,561 I thought I saw someone on my window, but I guess I got carried away. 407 00:43:32,733 --> 00:43:34,963 You got carried away by a comic book? 408 00:43:36,053 --> 00:43:38,442 It was a scary comic book, Mom. I'm sorry. 409 00:43:40,053 --> 00:43:43,045 You know, I've just about had it with the both of you. 410 00:43:47,013 --> 00:43:48,571 What is this mess? 411 00:43:49,173 --> 00:43:52,165 You spill milk on the kitchen floor and don't even bother to clean it up? 412 00:43:52,253 --> 00:43:53,208 I didn't spill it. 413 00:43:53,293 --> 00:43:56,205 I can't believe you. The refrigerator door's wide open! 414 00:43:56,293 --> 00:43:58,682 Are you trying to refrigerate the whole neighborhood? 415 00:43:58,773 --> 00:44:01,845 You know, it's not fair. I'd like to have a personal life, too. 416 00:44:01,933 --> 00:44:03,048 Where's Michael? 417 00:44:03,133 --> 00:44:04,691 He went to bed early. 418 00:44:27,813 --> 00:44:30,281 Mom? Can I sleep in here with you tonight? 419 00:44:30,413 --> 00:44:32,688 In here? Are you sure you're all right? 420 00:44:32,773 --> 00:44:34,764 I'm fine. It was a real scary comic, that's all. 421 00:44:34,853 --> 00:44:36,844 -Do you mind? -No, I don't mind. 422 00:44:38,933 --> 00:44:40,252 Have you been eating pizza? 423 00:44:40,333 --> 00:44:41,448 No. Why? 424 00:44:42,253 --> 00:44:43,845 You smell like garlic. 425 00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:26,292 Who's there? 426 00:45:29,453 --> 00:45:30,647 Hello, Thorn. 427 00:45:31,173 --> 00:45:33,607 Is that you, Thorn, making all that noise? 428 00:46:30,533 --> 00:46:32,125 I'm over here, Michael. 429 00:46:32,413 --> 00:46:34,290 What's happening to me, Star? 430 00:46:36,213 --> 00:46:38,090 What's happening to me, Star? 431 00:46:38,293 --> 00:46:39,806 Oh, Michael! 432 00:46:40,293 --> 00:46:43,365 Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you. 433 00:46:44,053 --> 00:46:45,452 What's happening? 434 00:48:46,493 --> 00:48:47,448 Hi. 435 00:48:49,733 --> 00:48:51,564 Aren't we friends anymore? 436 00:48:51,893 --> 00:48:52,848 Sure. 437 00:48:54,533 --> 00:48:57,684 Does that mean we are, or...? 438 00:48:58,213 --> 00:48:59,487 We are. 439 00:49:00,373 --> 00:49:02,091 Then let's act like friends. 440 00:49:02,173 --> 00:49:03,242 Let's talk. 441 00:49:06,413 --> 00:49:08,369 Michael, take off your glasses. 442 00:49:14,453 --> 00:49:15,886 Michael, look at me. 443 00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:19,251 If there's a girl-- 444 00:49:19,373 --> 00:49:20,169 I'm tired, Mom. 445 00:49:20,253 --> 00:49:21,606 -We could talk about- -I'm tired. 446 00:49:21,693 --> 00:49:24,127 We can talk about anything you want to talk about. 447 00:49:24,213 --> 00:49:26,329 I have more serious things on my mind than girls and school. 448 00:49:26,413 --> 00:49:27,562 Things I'm dealing with- 449 00:49:27,653 --> 00:49:29,484 Things I wouldn't understand? 450 00:49:40,653 --> 00:49:43,850 Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night. 451 00:49:45,973 --> 00:49:48,407 Did you take care of everything, Michael? 452 00:50:07,413 --> 00:50:08,323 What's the wine for? 453 00:50:08,413 --> 00:50:11,211 My apology to Max for running out on him last night. 454 00:50:11,293 --> 00:50:13,648 Which, young man, you should be making. 455 00:50:18,293 --> 00:50:21,649 I better bring this up to the house or somebody's just gonna take it. 456 00:50:21,733 --> 00:50:23,371 All right, I'll be here. 457 00:50:35,013 --> 00:50:36,571 Hi, Thorn. 458 00:50:45,013 --> 00:50:46,048 Mom! 459 00:50:59,733 --> 00:51:02,122 Honey, get in the car! Get in the car! 460 00:51:04,333 --> 00:51:07,962 The dog chased my mom like the Hounds of Hell from Vampires Everywhere. 461 00:51:08,053 --> 00:51:11,932 We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in town for a long time. 462 00:51:12,013 --> 00:51:14,481 Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. 463 00:51:14,573 --> 00:51:16,768 As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that... 464 00:51:16,853 --> 00:51:19,970 ...ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall. 465 00:51:20,053 --> 00:51:22,442 Kill your brother. You'll feel better. 466 00:51:24,013 --> 00:51:26,322 Look, guys, my brother is not a bloodsucker. 467 00:51:26,413 --> 00:51:28,881 It says here that if you kill the head vampire... 468 00:51:28,973 --> 00:51:31,168 ...all half-vampires will return to normal. 469 00:51:31,253 --> 00:51:34,165 Guys, if my brother's a vampire, believe me, he's only half. 470 00:51:34,253 --> 00:51:36,369 Does he know who the head vampire is? 471 00:51:36,453 --> 00:51:37,966 No, I don't think so. 472 00:51:38,373 --> 00:51:40,204 Then you'll have to kill him. 473 00:51:40,293 --> 00:51:41,692 And if you don't... 474 00:51:42,453 --> 00:51:43,522 ...we will. 475 00:51:44,693 --> 00:51:48,003 It all started when my mom went to work at Max's video store. 476 00:51:49,053 --> 00:51:51,442 Max never comes in till after it's dark. 477 00:51:51,573 --> 00:51:54,133 The dog who chased my mom this morning was his. 478 00:51:54,213 --> 00:51:58,126 Listen to this: "Vampires require a daytime protector, a guardian... 479 00:51:58,453 --> 00:52:00,091 "...to watch over them as they sleep. 480 00:52:00,173 --> 00:52:04,086 "Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell, are often employed for this purpose." 481 00:52:05,373 --> 00:52:08,251 What happens if my mom is dating the head vampire? 482 00:52:09,053 --> 00:52:11,442 You could nail him and save Santa Carla. 483 00:52:11,573 --> 00:52:14,406 "Truth, Justice, the American way" triumphs. 484 00:52:14,893 --> 00:52:16,292 Thanks to you two. 485 00:52:17,933 --> 00:52:19,366 We'll check out Max. 486 00:52:48,653 --> 00:52:50,132 Smells good. When do we eat? 487 00:52:50,213 --> 00:52:52,124 I told Max eight o'clock. 488 00:52:52,213 --> 00:52:53,123 Max? 489 00:52:53,213 --> 00:52:54,646 Are we going to have company again? 490 00:52:54,733 --> 00:52:55,882 Again? 491 00:52:55,973 --> 00:52:59,249 You haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. 492 00:52:59,333 --> 00:53:01,483 Right. Now we're gonna have company again. 493 00:53:01,573 --> 00:53:04,770 Michael, Max is coming to dinner. I'd like you to meet him. 494 00:53:04,853 --> 00:53:06,491 I can't. I have plans. 495 00:53:06,613 --> 00:53:07,762 Michael.... 496 00:53:08,693 --> 00:53:11,765 Things will change around this house when school starts. 497 00:53:15,013 --> 00:53:17,481 How you doing? You must be Michael, right? 498 00:53:19,173 --> 00:53:21,050 And you must be Max. 499 00:53:28,853 --> 00:53:31,003 Well, you're the man of the house... 500 00:53:31,173 --> 00:53:33,403 ...and I'm not coming in until you invite me. 501 00:53:33,493 --> 00:53:34,721 You're invited. 502 00:53:35,773 --> 00:53:37,126 Thanks very much. 503 00:53:46,773 --> 00:53:47,649 Hello. 504 00:53:47,733 --> 00:53:49,883 Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in. 505 00:53:50,093 --> 00:53:52,288 Is it okay for the guest to see the food before dinner? 506 00:53:52,373 --> 00:53:55,809 You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. 507 00:53:55,893 --> 00:53:58,361 Oh, yeah. I always get those confused. 508 00:53:58,933 --> 00:54:00,651 Thorn sends his apologies. 509 00:54:00,813 --> 00:54:02,531 Tell him I'm walking again. 510 00:54:03,773 --> 00:54:06,048 He promises to behave if you come back. 511 00:54:12,053 --> 00:54:13,202 Mom? 512 00:54:14,293 --> 00:54:15,646 These are my dinner guests. 513 00:54:15,733 --> 00:54:17,883 Edgar and Alan. The Frog brothers. 514 00:54:18,813 --> 00:54:21,088 I didn't know you were having guests. 515 00:54:21,173 --> 00:54:24,529 If we'll be in your way, we can eat some peanut butter in the kitchen. 516 00:54:24,613 --> 00:54:26,569 No, no, there's plenty for everybody. 517 00:54:26,653 --> 00:54:30,043 Max, this is my son, Sam, and Edgar and Alan...Frog? 518 00:54:32,693 --> 00:54:33,808 Lucy, this looks terrific. 519 00:54:33,893 --> 00:54:35,724 Well, I hope it tastes good. 520 00:54:36,213 --> 00:54:37,771 Tastes wonderful. 521 00:54:39,173 --> 00:54:42,210 Boy! Somebody around here has bad breath! 522 00:54:48,253 --> 00:54:50,323 Nanook, would you quit breathing on me! 523 00:54:50,413 --> 00:54:52,324 Nanook, get upstairs. Go on. 524 00:54:58,213 --> 00:55:00,443 You want some Parmesan cheese on that? 525 00:55:00,533 --> 00:55:02,524 Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much. 526 00:55:03,013 --> 00:55:05,322 Sam grated the cheese himself. My son. 527 00:55:09,813 --> 00:55:12,202 A budding chef in the family. 528 00:55:18,453 --> 00:55:19,852 Are you all right? 529 00:55:21,853 --> 00:55:23,730 It's not cheese, it's garlic. 530 00:55:24,053 --> 00:55:25,406 You hate garlic, don't you? 531 00:55:25,493 --> 00:55:28,326 No, I like garlic. It's just too much.... 532 00:55:28,973 --> 00:55:30,292 It's raw garlic. 533 00:55:31,133 --> 00:55:33,044 Garlic? How did that happen? 534 00:55:33,173 --> 00:55:34,686 Guys, he likes garlic. 535 00:55:36,253 --> 00:55:38,209 Here. Quick, drink some water! 536 00:55:39,493 --> 00:55:41,961 Sam, what's the matter with you? 537 00:55:42,133 --> 00:55:43,202 Does it burn? 538 00:55:43,293 --> 00:55:44,806 Burn? Are you nuts? 539 00:55:45,173 --> 00:55:46,526 It's freezing! 540 00:55:46,653 --> 00:55:49,087 Look at your suit, Max. And your pants. 541 00:55:49,213 --> 00:55:51,090 Oh, I'm so sorry. 542 00:55:52,373 --> 00:55:53,283 Now what? 543 00:55:53,373 --> 00:55:55,091 Must be a circuit breaker. 544 00:55:55,373 --> 00:55:56,328 He's not glowing. 545 00:55:56,413 --> 00:55:58,085 I know. Hit the lights. 546 00:56:00,853 --> 00:56:03,083 Sam! What's gotten into you tonight? 547 00:56:03,333 --> 00:56:05,244 I think I know what's going on here. 548 00:56:05,333 --> 00:56:06,288 You do? 549 00:56:06,653 --> 00:56:07,563 Yeah. 550 00:56:08,413 --> 00:56:10,722 I know what you're thinking, Sam. But you're wrong. 551 00:56:10,813 --> 00:56:11,962 -I am? -Yeah. 552 00:56:12,533 --> 00:56:14,524 I'm not trying to replace your father... 553 00:56:14,613 --> 00:56:16,490 ...or steal your mother away from you. 554 00:56:16,573 --> 00:56:19,292 I would just like to be your friend. That's all. 555 00:56:19,653 --> 00:56:21,006 Good night, Lucy. 556 00:56:21,493 --> 00:56:22,687 Thanks a lot! 557 00:56:22,933 --> 00:56:24,366 I'm sorry, Mom. 558 00:56:24,613 --> 00:56:26,046 Max, I'm so sorry. 559 00:56:27,813 --> 00:56:29,041 Major mistake. 560 00:56:30,933 --> 00:56:33,970 Our batting average isn't terrific, is it? Zero for two. 561 00:56:34,493 --> 00:56:36,245 You were so sweet to him. 562 00:56:36,373 --> 00:56:39,171 I don't know what got into him. He's not like that. 563 00:56:39,253 --> 00:56:42,723 Kids Sam's age need discipline, otherwise they run all over you. 564 00:56:42,973 --> 00:56:44,691 He doesn't run over me. 565 00:56:45,493 --> 00:56:46,846 Protecting mother. 566 00:56:49,493 --> 00:56:50,926 Let's try it once more. 567 00:56:51,013 --> 00:56:53,129 Dinner, my house, tomorrow night. 568 00:56:54,293 --> 00:56:55,726 -I'm cooking. -Okay. 569 00:57:15,053 --> 00:57:16,247 Where is she? 570 00:57:19,093 --> 00:57:20,651 Take it easy, Michael. 571 00:57:20,813 --> 00:57:22,849 Where's Star, David? 572 00:57:24,133 --> 00:57:26,601 If you ever want to see Star again... 573 00:57:27,053 --> 00:57:29,089 ...you better come with us now. 574 00:58:12,213 --> 00:58:14,681 Michael, over here. 575 00:58:21,733 --> 00:58:23,564 You don't want to miss this. 576 00:58:46,093 --> 00:58:48,482 Initiation's over, Michael. 577 00:58:49,213 --> 00:58:50,771 Time to join the club. 578 01:00:21,293 --> 01:00:22,965 Now you know what we are. 579 01:00:23,413 --> 01:00:25,085 Now you know what you are. 580 01:00:25,973 --> 01:00:27,884 You'll never grow old, Michael. 581 01:00:29,053 --> 01:00:30,930 And you'll never die. 582 01:00:32,693 --> 01:00:34,126 But you must feed. 583 01:00:59,133 --> 01:01:02,205 I wish Grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things. 584 01:01:12,973 --> 01:01:14,611 I know who I am now, Sam. 585 01:01:14,853 --> 01:01:16,286 Don't kill me, Mike! 586 01:01:16,693 --> 01:01:19,161 I'm basically a good kid, so don't kill me! 587 01:01:19,733 --> 01:01:20,882 I can help you. 588 01:01:20,973 --> 01:01:23,123 Just tell me who the head vampire is. 589 01:01:23,213 --> 01:01:25,249 I thought it was Max, but I was wrong. 590 01:01:25,333 --> 01:01:27,847 Just work with me and I can help you. You'll be okay. 591 01:01:27,933 --> 01:01:28,922 Michael! 592 01:01:29,653 --> 01:01:30,642 Michael! 593 01:01:32,493 --> 01:01:34,529 It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them? 594 01:01:34,613 --> 01:01:37,127 -I have to talk to you. Can I come up? -No! 595 01:01:37,973 --> 01:01:40,282 You shut the window and lock your door. 596 01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:44,932 She's one of them! 597 01:01:45,653 --> 01:01:48,804 And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike! 598 01:01:49,773 --> 01:01:52,412 You know where David took me tonight, don't you, Star? 599 01:01:52,493 --> 01:01:53,448 Who's David? 600 01:01:53,533 --> 01:01:55,489 Yes, and it's my fault. 601 01:01:55,813 --> 01:01:58,611 If you hadn't met me, if I hadn't liked you.... 602 01:01:59,013 --> 01:02:00,446 I tried to warn you. 603 01:02:00,653 --> 01:02:03,087 It was that night in the cave, wasn't it? 604 01:02:03,253 --> 01:02:06,211 That wasn't wine they gave me to drink. It was blood. 605 01:02:06,613 --> 01:02:07,841 That was David's blood. 606 01:02:07,933 --> 01:02:10,322 You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy? 607 01:02:11,013 --> 01:02:12,924 I'm just like David now, Star. 608 01:02:13,013 --> 01:02:15,447 No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me. 609 01:02:15,533 --> 01:02:18,684 -We're not one of them- -Until you make your first kill! 610 01:02:19,933 --> 01:02:21,969 Why didn't you kill me last night? 611 01:02:22,973 --> 01:02:25,009 You were supposed to be my first. 612 01:02:25,693 --> 01:02:27,331 That's what David wanted. 613 01:02:30,653 --> 01:02:32,291 But I couldn't, Michael. 614 01:02:32,493 --> 01:02:33,323 Why? 615 01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:36,893 Because you care so much about me? 616 01:02:37,213 --> 01:02:38,282 Yes, I do. 617 01:02:47,453 --> 01:02:50,251 What are you doing here? What do you want from me? 618 01:02:51,253 --> 01:02:54,165 I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you. 619 01:02:56,373 --> 01:02:59,012 But for me it gets harder and harder to resist. 620 01:02:59,133 --> 01:03:00,407 I'm weak. 621 01:03:00,733 --> 01:03:02,928 Why did you come here tonight, Star? 622 01:03:03,693 --> 01:03:06,127 I was hoping you would help Laddie and me. 623 01:03:16,613 --> 01:03:17,648 Star! 624 01:03:18,093 --> 01:03:20,607 Don't kill anybody until we get back to you. 625 01:03:22,293 --> 01:03:23,612 What are you doing? 626 01:03:23,693 --> 01:03:25,206 I've got connections. 627 01:03:39,093 --> 01:03:40,811 Okay. Where's Nosferatu? 628 01:03:40,933 --> 01:03:42,332 -Who? -The Prince of Darkness. 629 01:03:42,413 --> 01:03:43,812 The night crawler. The bloodsucker. 630 01:03:43,893 --> 01:03:45,087 El Vampiro. 631 01:03:45,173 --> 01:03:46,925 Mike, they're here! 632 01:03:59,213 --> 01:04:01,807 Grandpa, okay if we borrow the car? 633 01:04:27,013 --> 01:04:28,571 Weapons check. 634 01:04:34,653 --> 01:04:36,086 I don't want you going down there. 635 01:04:36,173 --> 01:04:37,322 I'm going. 636 01:04:37,413 --> 01:04:40,132 Look, this isn't a comic book, Sammy. These guys are brutal killers. 637 01:04:40,213 --> 01:04:41,885 So are the Frog brothers. 638 01:04:42,613 --> 01:04:43,807 Check me. 639 01:04:44,173 --> 01:04:46,971 Who'd you rather have go down there with you? Them or me? 640 01:04:47,053 --> 01:04:50,204 If something happens down there, I won't have the strength to protect you. 641 01:04:50,293 --> 01:04:52,045 This time I'll protect you. 642 01:04:52,813 --> 01:04:55,805 Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother. 643 01:04:56,813 --> 01:05:01,011 Listen, just so you know: If you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way... 644 01:05:01,173 --> 01:05:04,165 ...I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it. 645 01:05:04,253 --> 01:05:05,652 Chill out, Edgar. 646 01:05:08,853 --> 01:05:11,128 Where did you say you met these guys? 647 01:05:15,093 --> 01:05:16,162 Holy shit! 648 01:05:16,253 --> 01:05:17,481 Vampire hotel! 649 01:05:21,053 --> 01:05:22,850 Here's one. Let's stake her! 650 01:05:22,933 --> 01:05:24,161 Don't you touch her! 651 01:05:24,253 --> 01:05:25,891 Stay away from her! 652 01:05:26,053 --> 01:05:28,521 Come on, vampires have such rotten tempers. 653 01:05:31,293 --> 01:05:34,763 The rest of them have got to be here someplace. We'll find 'em. 654 01:05:36,053 --> 01:05:37,202 Star? 655 01:05:39,533 --> 01:05:42,093 -I'm taking you out of here. -No, take Laddie first. 656 01:05:42,173 --> 01:05:43,128 Please? 657 01:05:44,973 --> 01:05:47,692 I feel a draft. I think there's something up here. 658 01:05:47,773 --> 01:05:49,968 -Let's check it out, Sam. -Come on. 659 01:05:56,253 --> 01:05:58,005 I'll be right back, Mike. 660 01:05:59,253 --> 01:06:00,163 I hope. 661 01:06:00,253 --> 01:06:01,971 Come on, Sam, let's go. 662 01:06:02,093 --> 01:06:03,367 Move out! Move! 663 01:06:08,373 --> 01:06:09,089 Flies! 664 01:06:09,173 --> 01:06:10,401 We're on the right trail. 665 01:06:10,493 --> 01:06:13,087 Flies and the undead go together, like bullets and guns. 666 01:06:13,173 --> 01:06:14,162 Come on! 667 01:06:35,093 --> 01:06:36,526 What's that smell? 668 01:06:37,453 --> 01:06:40,445 Vampires, my friend. Vampires. 669 01:06:59,653 --> 01:07:01,211 It's freezing in here. 670 01:07:05,453 --> 01:07:07,523 It looks like a dead end. Let's head back. 671 01:07:07,613 --> 01:07:10,491 They must have hidden their coffins here someplace. 672 01:07:10,933 --> 01:07:12,605 There's nothing here. Let's go, guys. 673 01:07:12,693 --> 01:07:13,682 Jesus! 674 01:07:21,733 --> 01:07:23,644 I thought they'd be in coffins. 675 01:07:23,733 --> 01:07:24,927 That's what this cave is. 676 01:07:25,013 --> 01:07:26,526 It's one giant coffin. 677 01:07:30,133 --> 01:07:32,044 Right now they're at their most vulnerable. 678 01:07:32,133 --> 01:07:33,327 Easy pickings. 679 01:07:33,413 --> 01:07:35,404 Remember, you just have to kill the leader. 680 01:07:35,493 --> 01:07:37,404 We don't know which one he is. 681 01:07:37,693 --> 01:07:39,729 I guess we'll just have to kill them all. 682 01:07:39,813 --> 01:07:43,408 Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked. 683 01:07:43,693 --> 01:07:46,253 What was that, a little vampire humor? 684 01:07:46,613 --> 01:07:48,012 It wasn't funny. 685 01:07:52,893 --> 01:07:54,292 No! 686 01:07:55,013 --> 01:07:56,924 Good night, bloodsucker! 687 01:08:17,533 --> 01:08:19,410 You're dead meat! 688 01:08:41,413 --> 01:08:43,131 Get him into the sunlight! 689 01:09:08,733 --> 01:09:09,927 Tonight.... 690 01:09:12,173 --> 01:09:13,925 Mike! Start the car! 691 01:09:23,013 --> 01:09:24,810 -We blew it, man! We lost it! -Shut up! 692 01:09:24,893 --> 01:09:27,168 -We unraveled in the face of the enemy! -It's not our fault. 693 01:09:27,253 --> 01:09:29,767 They pulled a mind-scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked! 694 01:09:29,853 --> 01:09:31,332 I'll drive. 695 01:09:31,613 --> 01:09:33,092 We don't ride with vampires. 696 01:09:33,173 --> 01:09:34,526 Fine. Stay here. 697 01:09:36,693 --> 01:09:38,046 -We do now. -Yeah. 698 01:09:38,813 --> 01:09:41,043 Come on! Sam, let's get out of here! 699 01:09:42,013 --> 01:09:43,162 Burn rubber! 700 01:09:49,653 --> 01:09:52,690 "Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed! 701 01:10:02,933 --> 01:10:04,002 Cool it, Nanook! 702 01:10:04,093 --> 01:10:05,731 Your dog knows a flesh-eater when he smells one. 703 01:10:05,813 --> 01:10:07,565 Take him outside, Sam. 704 01:10:08,173 --> 01:10:09,811 Come on, Nanook. 705 01:10:12,533 --> 01:10:13,602 Michael. 706 01:10:14,933 --> 01:10:17,731 Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas... 707 01:10:17,813 --> 01:10:19,769 ...when you take it without asking? 708 01:10:19,853 --> 01:10:21,172 No, Grandpa. 709 01:10:21,893 --> 01:10:23,087 Now you do. 710 01:10:32,373 --> 01:10:33,886 We definitely blew Plan A. 711 01:10:33,973 --> 01:10:34,962 Time to activate Plan B. 712 01:10:35,053 --> 01:10:36,566 -What's Plan B? -We don't have one yet. 713 01:10:36,653 --> 01:10:38,371 We have two and a half hours to come up with one. 714 01:10:38,453 --> 01:10:39,568 What happens then? 715 01:10:39,653 --> 01:10:42,213 The sun goes down. They'll be looking for us. 716 01:10:48,853 --> 01:10:50,286 Sam, what are you doing here? 717 01:10:50,373 --> 01:10:52,762 I've got to tell you something. It's real important. 718 01:10:52,853 --> 01:10:55,083 Santa Carla is crawling with vampires. 719 01:10:55,413 --> 01:10:56,448 Mom, I'm serious! 720 01:10:56,533 --> 01:10:58,842 Edgar staked one of them. It was screaming and fizzing! 721 01:10:58,933 --> 01:11:00,730 Look, there's evidence on my sweater! 722 01:11:00,813 --> 01:11:02,804 Mom, you've got to tell someone! 723 01:11:03,133 --> 01:11:05,328 -You've got to tell someone! -This isn't funny! 724 01:11:05,413 --> 01:11:07,973 I'm not kidding! They're coming to the house when it gets dark! 725 01:11:08,053 --> 01:11:10,169 Stop it! Right now! Stop it! 726 01:11:10,853 --> 01:11:12,445 -But, Mom- -Not another word! 727 01:11:12,533 --> 01:11:13,727 I don't believe you're doing this. 728 01:11:13,813 --> 01:11:15,849 I want to see Max tonight, and you're trying to ruin it for me. 729 01:11:15,933 --> 01:11:17,002 No, I'm not. 730 01:11:17,093 --> 01:11:20,130 There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't want me- 731 01:11:20,213 --> 01:11:22,727 I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max! 732 01:11:24,973 --> 01:11:27,123 I'll deal with you later, young man! 733 01:11:32,733 --> 01:11:34,530 Guys, we're on our own. 734 01:11:34,693 --> 01:11:36,968 Good. That's just the way we like it. 735 01:12:08,893 --> 01:12:11,965 Widow Johnson called. Said to pick her up at seven, not eight. 736 01:12:12,053 --> 01:12:13,725 We've got a date tonight? 737 01:12:13,933 --> 01:12:16,163 I guess so. She said not to be late. 738 01:12:16,933 --> 01:12:18,844 I better get cleaned up, then. 739 01:12:39,893 --> 01:12:41,645 Die, Mr. Vampire! 740 01:13:02,973 --> 01:13:05,646 They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? 741 01:13:06,773 --> 01:13:08,764 They'll be coming for all of us. 742 01:13:10,573 --> 01:13:12,245 Laddie, wake up. 743 01:14:24,093 --> 01:14:26,049 -Oh, it's delicious. -Thank you. 744 01:14:28,213 --> 01:14:29,692 Thorn, stop that! 745 01:14:31,813 --> 01:14:33,405 What's the matter, Lucy? 746 01:14:33,493 --> 01:14:35,802 It's just old memories coming back. 747 01:14:36,013 --> 01:14:38,527 No, seriously. Why are you so jumpy tonight? 748 01:14:38,613 --> 01:14:40,012 Well, it's something Sam- 749 01:14:40,093 --> 01:14:41,731 He came into the store.... 750 01:14:41,813 --> 01:14:44,566 It was just a kid's imagination, I'm sure, but... 751 01:14:44,733 --> 01:14:46,724 ...he seemed so sincere, but.... 752 01:14:47,573 --> 01:14:48,608 It's insane. 753 01:14:48,693 --> 01:14:50,763 Tell me. I promise not to laugh. 754 01:14:51,093 --> 01:14:52,048 Honest. 755 01:14:57,413 --> 01:14:58,892 I think I should warn you all: 756 01:14:58,973 --> 01:15:01,533 When a vampire dies, it's never a pretty sight. 757 01:15:01,613 --> 01:15:04,047 No two bloodsuckers go out the same way. 758 01:15:04,293 --> 01:15:06,443 Some yell and scream. Some go quietly. 759 01:15:06,533 --> 01:15:08,364 Some explode. Some implode. 760 01:15:09,013 --> 01:15:11,288 But all will try to take you with them. 761 01:15:28,013 --> 01:15:29,765 Nanook! I left him outside. 762 01:15:29,853 --> 01:15:31,764 Don't go out there! Stop him! 763 01:15:34,213 --> 01:15:35,885 -Sam, come back! -No way! 764 01:15:59,333 --> 01:16:01,449 Michael, they're coming! 765 01:16:03,653 --> 01:16:05,166 They're coming! 766 01:16:07,373 --> 01:16:08,806 Hurry up, man! 767 01:16:21,013 --> 01:16:22,651 Take them upstairs! 768 01:16:38,293 --> 01:16:41,046 -I say we terminate them right now. -Laddie, run! 769 01:16:49,013 --> 01:16:50,651 You're mine. 770 01:16:51,813 --> 01:16:52,928 You killed Marko. 771 01:16:53,013 --> 01:16:54,332 Yeah. You're next. 772 01:16:54,413 --> 01:16:55,892 No. You're next. 773 01:17:01,413 --> 01:17:03,290 Garlic don't work, boys. 774 01:17:03,373 --> 01:17:05,443 Try the holy water, death breath! 775 01:18:33,253 --> 01:18:34,447 Mike, wake up. 776 01:19:12,933 --> 01:19:14,332 You missed, sucker. 777 01:19:14,533 --> 01:19:15,807 Only once, pal. 778 01:19:45,253 --> 01:19:46,925 Death by stereo. 779 01:20:18,973 --> 01:20:20,008 Hey, it's me. 780 01:20:20,093 --> 01:20:21,048 Are you okay? 781 01:20:21,133 --> 01:20:24,091 I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow. 782 01:20:25,293 --> 01:20:27,329 We trashed the one that looked like Twisted Sister. 783 01:20:27,413 --> 01:20:29,973 We totally annihilated his night stalkin' ass! 784 01:20:31,293 --> 01:20:33,011 And Nanook helped a little. 785 01:20:34,093 --> 01:20:35,731 Death to all vampires! 786 01:20:35,813 --> 01:20:37,212 Maximum body count. 787 01:20:37,333 --> 01:20:38,846 We are awesome monster bashers! 788 01:20:38,933 --> 01:20:40,002 The meanest! 789 01:20:40,093 --> 01:20:41,321 The baddest! 790 01:20:59,973 --> 01:21:00,883 Holy shit! 791 01:21:00,973 --> 01:21:03,203 The attack of Eddie Munster! Get him! 792 01:21:03,533 --> 01:21:06,206 Stop! Get away from him! Just stay away from him! 793 01:21:06,293 --> 01:21:07,885 He's just a little boy! 794 01:21:25,733 --> 01:21:27,724 You're afraid to face me, David? 795 01:21:33,973 --> 01:21:35,611 I tried to make you immortal. 796 01:21:35,693 --> 01:21:37,604 You tried to make me a killer! 797 01:21:47,253 --> 01:21:48,652 You are a killer. 798 01:22:10,573 --> 01:22:11,767 My turn. 799 01:22:20,613 --> 01:22:24,367 Stop fighting me, Michael. I don't want to kill you. 800 01:22:25,333 --> 01:22:26,288 Join us. 801 01:22:27,173 --> 01:22:28,322 Never! 802 01:22:31,453 --> 01:22:34,126 It's too late. My blood is in your veins. 803 01:22:37,333 --> 01:22:38,971 So is mine! 804 01:23:38,773 --> 01:23:40,764 Don't let them see me like this. 805 01:23:44,733 --> 01:23:45,927 Get away, Sam. 806 01:23:46,773 --> 01:23:49,207 -Michael, what's wrong? -I said, get away! 807 01:23:53,973 --> 01:23:56,441 What's the big deal? You destroyed the head vampire. 808 01:23:56,533 --> 01:23:57,522 It's all over. 809 01:23:57,613 --> 01:23:59,012 Nothing's changed. 810 01:23:59,293 --> 01:24:01,648 He's right. I don't feel any different. 811 01:24:01,773 --> 01:24:03,604 Then there's still one more. 812 01:24:10,493 --> 01:24:12,723 I'll handle Mom. Come on, go. 813 01:24:12,853 --> 01:24:14,684 Don't let her see the bodies. 814 01:24:16,813 --> 01:24:17,962 What happened? 815 01:24:19,093 --> 01:24:20,446 Where is Michael? 816 01:24:20,813 --> 01:24:22,531 What happened to your face? 817 01:24:22,733 --> 01:24:24,530 What happened to your face? 818 01:24:47,093 --> 01:24:50,722 I don't want to hear another word from you until I talk to Michael. 819 01:24:50,933 --> 01:24:52,366 I'm sorry, Lucy. 820 01:24:53,053 --> 01:24:54,532 This is all my fault. 821 01:24:55,253 --> 01:24:57,130 David and my boys misbehaved. 822 01:24:58,333 --> 01:25:00,528 I told you, boys need a mother. 823 01:25:00,773 --> 01:25:02,764 Max, what are you talking about? 824 01:25:04,773 --> 01:25:07,162 I knew it! You're the head vampire! 825 01:25:07,333 --> 01:25:09,051 Sam, don't start this again. 826 01:25:09,133 --> 01:25:11,647 You're the secret that David was protecting. 827 01:25:13,293 --> 01:25:14,328 Who's this? 828 01:25:14,413 --> 01:25:16,051 But you passed the test. 829 01:25:17,013 --> 01:25:20,562 Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. 830 01:25:20,813 --> 01:25:22,451 It renders you powerless. 831 01:25:23,133 --> 01:25:24,452 Did you know that? 832 01:25:24,533 --> 01:25:25,568 Of course. 833 01:25:25,653 --> 01:25:26,972 Everyone knows that. 834 01:25:27,053 --> 01:25:30,568 Has everyone gone crazy? What's the matter with all of you? 835 01:25:31,453 --> 01:25:33,808 It was you I was after, all along, Lucy. 836 01:25:33,973 --> 01:25:34,928 What? 837 01:25:35,093 --> 01:25:36,128 I knew... 838 01:25:37,013 --> 01:25:40,130 ...that if I could get Sam and Michael into the family... 839 01:25:40,533 --> 01:25:42,205 ...there was no way you could say no. 840 01:25:42,293 --> 01:25:43,692 Where's Michael? 841 01:25:43,893 --> 01:25:46,282 It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. 842 01:25:50,053 --> 01:25:52,123 Just like one big happy family. 843 01:25:55,133 --> 01:25:56,327 Your boys... 844 01:25:57,813 --> 01:25:59,007 ...and my boys. 845 01:25:59,093 --> 01:26:01,607 Great. "The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch." 846 01:26:02,933 --> 01:26:04,525 I still want you, Lucy. 847 01:26:06,613 --> 01:26:08,888 I haven't changed my mind about that. 848 01:26:09,533 --> 01:26:11,683 I didn't invite you this time, Max! 849 01:26:11,933 --> 01:26:13,446 Michael! 850 01:26:30,133 --> 01:26:31,851 Don't you touch my mother! 851 01:26:41,213 --> 01:26:44,410 Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't fight. 852 01:26:45,533 --> 01:26:46,852 Mom, don't! 853 01:26:48,013 --> 01:26:50,129 Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it! 854 01:27:46,173 --> 01:27:47,811 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 855 01:28:07,693 --> 01:28:09,206 It's over. 856 01:28:19,573 --> 01:28:21,006 Is everybody okay? 857 01:28:29,493 --> 01:28:31,085 Oh, my boys. 858 01:28:31,733 --> 01:28:34,691 How much do you think we should charge them for this? 859 01:28:42,133 --> 01:28:43,122 Dad? 860 01:28:49,373 --> 01:28:51,011 Dad, are you all right? 861 01:28:56,413 --> 01:28:59,849 One thing about livin' in Santa Carla I never could stomach.... 862 01:29:01,013 --> 01:29:02,969 All the damn vampires.