1 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,629 I've come back. 2 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,194 Give me a drink, Brother Kipling. 3 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,080 Don't you know me? 4 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,915 No. I don't know you. 5 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,077 Who are you? 6 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,638 What can l do for you? 7 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,429 I told you. Give me a drink. 8 00:04:55,720 --> 00:05:00,919 It was all settled. Right here, in this office. 9 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,518 Remember? 10 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:10,357 Danny and me signed the contract and you witnessed it. 11 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,232 You... 12 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,991 ...stood over there. 13 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,076 I stood there. 14 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,239 And Daniel stood here. 15 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,399 Remember? 16 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,793 Carnehan! 17 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,153 Peachy Taliaferro Carnehan. 18 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,197 Of course. 19 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:43,599 Keep looking at me. It helps to keep my soul from flying off. 20 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,398 Carnehan! 21 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,870 The same, and not the same, who sat beside you... 22 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:53,158 ...in a first-class carriage on the train to Marwar Junction... 23 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,638 ...three summers and a thousand years ago. 24 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,350 Jodhpur, please. 25 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,153 Blast! 26 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,875 All aboard! 27 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,352 May l? 28 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,711 Riding in this ashcart is like being kicked by a mule every 10 minutes! 29 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,396 Mr. Clutterbury Das. 30 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:45,111 Failed entrance examination, Calcutta University, 1863. 31 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,114 Writer of correspondence for the illiterate general public. 32 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:50,508 Shut up! 33 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,318 Thank you, sir. 34 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,790 - Out of the window, Babu! - Thank you, sir. 35 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,639 Outside, you inky-fingered thief! 36 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,758 - I hope you break your neck! - Thank you, sir. 37 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,595 - You might have killed him! - Serves him right if l had! 38 00:09:55,880 --> 00:10:00,078 - We're not making five miles an hour. - But why? 39 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:06,037 - I caught him stealing your watch. - My watch? 40 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,429 I say, it is my watch! 41 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,198 Well! 42 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,838 I'm very much obliged to you, Mr...? 43 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,839 Carnehan. Former gunnery sergeant in Her Majesty's Forces. 44 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,399 Mine's Kipling. 45 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:27,389 - May l offer you a drink? - I don't mind if l do. 46 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,673 You've knocked about lndia a bit, l take it. 47 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:40,231 You can say that twice! On foot, on horseback and on camel. 48 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,756 - You don't look green, either. - I was born in lndia. 49 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:48,550 Great country, or was till bureaucrats took over and ruined everything. 50 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,228 - I hope you're not one of them! - No. 51 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,628 I didn't think so. 52 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,236 They usually have long noses for looking down at you. 53 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,631 And l've yet to have one of them offer me a drink! 54 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,476 - Glenlivet, 12 years old. - You've an educated taste. 55 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,713 I have an educated taste in whiskey, women, waistcoats and bills of fare. 56 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,474 But l've had few chances to exercise it. 57 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,473 Because them that governs make up laws... 58 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,393 ...to stop men like us from getting anywhere. 59 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,199 Whose loss is it? England's, of course! 60 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,717 If we were unrestrained, she wouldn't get 70 millions in revenue... 61 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:29,271 ...it would be 700 millions! Right? - I quite agree, yes. 62 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,677 - Where are you heading for? - Jodhpur. 63 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,877 - Will you return on this line? - In 10 days. 64 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:39,430 Can you make it eight? I have a message for a man... 65 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,797 ...travelling through Marwar Junction on the 24th. 66 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,952 He expects to meet but l have urgent business. 67 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,588 I'm sorry, l can't help you there. 68 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,149 Supposing l was to ask you... 69 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:55,757 ...as a stranger going to the West to seek for that which was lost. 70 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,150 What would you say then? 71 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,993 I should answer, where do you come from? 72 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,149 From the East. 73 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,074 I am hoping that you will give my message on the square... 74 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,515 ...for the sake of the widow's son. 75 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:14,076 - Which lodge do you hail from? - Travelling Lodge 3276, Fore and Fit. 76 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:18,711 The Queen's Own Royal Loyal Light lnfantry, Regimental District 329A. 77 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,760 - To whom is the message? - Daniel Dravot. 78 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,992 - Dravot. - A big man with long gray sideboards. 79 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,195 A great swell. 80 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,750 You'll find him in a first-class compartment. 81 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,069 Don't be afraid. 82 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,756 Slip the window down and say, "Peachy's gone south for the week." 83 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:40,113 - "Peachy's gone south for the week." - Yes, and he'll tumble. 84 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,910 Well, l'll be getting off now before we reach the station. 85 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,473 By the way, Brother Carnehan... 86 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:54,516 l missed my watch in the station at Lahore... 87 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,274 ...before boarding the train. 88 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,637 How was l to know you were a Mason? 89 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,632 What's this? 90 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,360 God's holy trousers! Tickets again? 91 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,636 Is your name Dravot, sir? 92 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:41,193 I'm to say that Peachy has gone south for the week. 93 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,390 He's gone south for the week. 94 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,757 Did he say l'd give anything for this? I won't. 95 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,480 - No, he didn't. - Then why did you do it? 96 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,552 For the sake of the widow's son. 97 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,595 - He said south, did he? - Yes. 98 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,035 Then that'll be Degumber. 99 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,839 Since you're Peachy's pal, l'll tell you. 100 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,949 We're gonna put the screw on the rajah for what he did to his mother-in-law. 101 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,430 Filled her with peppers and flogged her to death. 102 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,748 You mean you intend to blackmail him? 103 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:26,278 You wouldn't get out alive! If they don't cut your throat, they'll poison you. 104 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,671 Both's been tried. Peachy and me don't kill easy! 105 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,389 The rajah's an independent ruler. He answers to nobody. 106 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,915 How will you put the screw on him? 107 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,868 By telling him we're correspondents for The Northern Star. 108 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,919 You can't! You can't do that! 109 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:48,278 Because l am the correspondent of The Northern Star! 110 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,838 - You what? - I'm the correspondent! 111 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,276 Eh? What did you say, brother? 112 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,235 As you know, we took them at the Degumber border... 113 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,358 ...so there's a question of jurisdiction. 114 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,195 But a charge of conspiracy to blackmail might be brought. 115 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,831 I didn't lay this information before you as a criminal prosecution. 116 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,956 Only to save their lives. 117 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:23,272 May l ask what particular interest you have in these scoundrels? 118 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,989 Well, they happen to be... 119 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,196 ...Freemasons. Like myself. 120 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:33,399 Freemasons? Them? I'd think you'd strike them off your roll! 121 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,154 Oh, once a Mason, always a Mason. 122 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:41,440 Never could understand how pukka chaps like you can go about... 123 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,878 ...wearing aprons and sashes and shaking hands with strangers. 124 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,992 What is Masonry, Kipling? 125 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,878 It's an ancient order... 126 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:54,238 ...dedicated to the brotherhood of man, under the eye of God. 127 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:58,997 We should have left that behind in England. It can never work here. 128 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,835 There are tales that it did work here, before we came. 129 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,639 Some audacious scholars can trace it... 130 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,314 ...to the builders of Solomon's Temple. 131 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:14,271 - Old wives' tales, l suspect. - Yes, in all likelihood, sir. 132 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:19,992 Well, let's have a look at your lodge brothers. 133 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,879 Right turn. 134 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,273 Halt. 135 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,318 Hats off! 136 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,075 You men are not under arrest... 137 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:43,394 ...thanks to Mr. Kipling, who's a real correspondent for The Northern Star. 138 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,639 But both of you richly deserve to be in jail. 139 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,349 I have your records before me. 140 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,751 There's everything from smuggling to swindling... 141 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,230 ...receiving stolen goods and barefaced blackmail! 142 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,391 I resent the accusation. 143 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,189 It is blackmail to threaten to publish information. 144 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,478 What blackmail is there in accepting a retainer to keep it out? 145 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,790 How did you propose to do that? 146 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:13,589 Telling the editor what l know about his sister... 147 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,399 ...and a certain government official. 148 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,678 Let him put that in his paper if he has need of news! 149 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,636 You should have gone home after your army service. 150 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,997 To what? A porter's uniform outside a restaurant? 151 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:35,278 Tips for closing cab doors on civilians and their blowzy women? 152 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,671 Not for us, after watching Afghans take command... 153 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,150 ...when the officers had copped it! - Well said! 154 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:47,519 There may be no criminal charges, but l'll see these files reach Calcutta... 155 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,673 ...with the advice you be deported as political undesirables. 156 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,559 Detriments to the empire and the raj. 157 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,154 Detriments you call us? Detriments? 158 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:02,872 Detriments like us built this bloody empire and the izzat of the raj! 159 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,877 Hats on! 160 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,037 About turn! 161 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,238 By the left, quick march! 162 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,918 Left turn! 163 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:23,833 There's no need to let any of this get into the Star, l take it, Kipling? 164 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,831 No, no, no. 165 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,593 Copy. 166 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:05,754 My God! You two! What do you want this time? 167 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,549 - We want to ask you a favour. - Another favour? 168 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,998 Calm down, we've never taken advantage of a fellow in the craft. 169 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,879 We don't want money, just a little time... 170 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,237 ...a look at a book or two, a study of your maps. 171 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,437 We'll take a drink, but if not, we won't mind. 172 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,639 Peachy is as sober as l am. It's important you have no doubts. 173 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:34,194 So we'll take one of your cigars apiece, and you shall watch us... 174 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,032 ...light up. 175 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:47,429 And now, sir... 176 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:52,355 ...let me introduce you to Brother Peachy Carnehan, which is him... 177 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:57,036 ...and Brother Daniel Dravot, which is l. 178 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:01,878 The less said about our jobs, the better. We've been most things. 179 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:06,875 We've been all over lndia. We know her cities, jungles, jails and passes. 180 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,157 We have decided she isn't big enough for us. 181 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,311 The commissioner said that. 182 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,471 We're going to another place... 183 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,189 ...where a man isn't crowded and can come into his own. 184 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,875 We're not little men, so we're going away to be kings. 185 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,710 - Kings of Kafiristan. - Oh, Kafiristan. 186 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:30,510 We hear they have two and 30 idols there. So we'll be the 33rd and 34th. 187 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:35,312 It's a place of warring tribes, meaning a land of opportunity... 188 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,711 ...for such who can train and lead men in battle. 189 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,758 We'll go there and say to any chief we find: 190 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,913 "Want to vanquish your foes?" He'll say, "Of course, do it." 191 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,709 We'll fight for him, make him king and then subvert him. 192 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,589 We'll seize his royal throne and loot the country. 193 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,268 How's that for a plan? 194 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,759 You're both out of your minds! 195 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,831 To start with... 196 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:09,510 ...the only way to get there is through Afghanistan. 197 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,799 Kafiristan? No, no, no. 198 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:18,830 Two white men would be cut to pieces five miles into the Khyber Pass. 199 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,276 Just suppose we managed it. Just suppose. 200 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,035 And suppose we got across the Afghan plains, then what? 201 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:31,672 There's the Hindu Kush, a frozen sea of peaks and glaciers. 202 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:36,755 A party of geographers tried several years ago and vanished into thin air. 203 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:41,311 No white man has ever been there and come out since Alexander. 204 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,357 Alexander who? 205 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,559 Alexander the Great, king of Greece. 300 years before Christ. 206 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,518 If a Greek can do it, we can do it. 207 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,033 Right. 208 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:57,033 I can only repeat, you're a pair of lunatics! 209 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,751 Would a pair of lunatics draw up a contract like this? 210 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,996 "This contract between us, pursuing and witnesseth in the name of God. 211 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,836 One: We will settle this together, i.e., to be kings of Kafiristan. 212 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,152 Two: We will not, while this is being settled, look at liquor... 213 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,791 ...or any woman, so as to get mixed up with one or the other harmful. 214 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,713 Three: We act with dignity and discretion. 215 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:29,556 If one is in trouble, the other stays by him. Signed by us this day." 216 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,952 There's no need for the last article, but it's got a ring to it. 217 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,079 Daniel. 218 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,676 Now, you witness it and it's legal. 219 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,953 Well, gentlemen, it's 4 in the morning. 220 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:35,877 Don't stand on politeness. If you want to go to bed, we won't steal anything. 221 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,109 Thank you. 222 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:41,910 We'll send word when we're ready to go, if you want to say goodbye. 223 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:46,119 Yes. Well, try not to burn the place down. 224 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,037 Here we are. 225 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:57,476 "Kafiristan. 10,000 square miles. Mountainous terrain. 226 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,518 Religion unknown. Population unknown. 227 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:04,434 Conquered by Alexander in 328 B.C. 228 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:10,118 According to Herodotus, he defeated King Oxyartes... 229 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:15,957 ...whose daughter Roxanne he subsequently took to wife." 230 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,434 You buy from me, l give you good price. 231 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,798 Very cheap, very nice things for you, especially for you, sir. 232 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:53,637 Our forward continuance is impeded by this fellow, who is begging... 233 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:58,635 ...you will accompany him that he may show you a rare and wonderful thing. 234 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,792 - What thing? - He would not say what thing. 235 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,952 Therefore, l suspect his bad intentions... 236 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:08,351 ...to entice you into a house of disreputation... 237 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,751 ...where he will take you, kill you, murder you... 238 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,833 ...cut your throat and rob the money from your pockets also. 239 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,558 Crikey! 240 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,154 - Wait at the office! - Sir, please! 241 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,357 Myself, l will take you to a loving house. 242 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,353 You will be very happy and delightful... 243 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,511 Morning to you, brother. 244 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,990 Glad you caught the performance. What do you think? 245 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,709 It's convincing, but what are you rascals up to now? 246 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,634 Last week it was kings you were to be, of Kafiristan. 247 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,998 - We've gotta get there first. - Madness is a trick. 248 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,470 Who'd hurt some poor crazy priest and his servant? 249 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,712 Peachy worked this out. We've used it before. 250 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,791 He talks, while l act dumb. 251 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,916 I can clown pretty good now. 252 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,197 I can twitch to put the fear into any good Muslim. 253 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,828 I can froth at the mouth. Want to see? 254 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,595 - I can imagine. - All right, some other time perhaps. 255 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,831 Come over here. 256 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,312 Give it a touch-up down here. 257 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,190 - Rifles? - Twenty Martinis, and ammunition. 258 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:50,875 Cost us every sou we got out of the rajah of Degumber. 259 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,237 Good heavens! You mean you went back there? 260 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,197 Of course, Brother Kipling. 261 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,999 God help you if you're caught with those! 262 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,277 Gunrunning isn't exactly new to us. 263 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,194 Well, Brother Kipling, goodbye and many thanks. 264 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:09,318 Man, don't do it! 265 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,391 The odds are too great. 266 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:15,314 Wish us luck. We met upon the level. 267 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,233 And we're parting on the square. 268 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,391 Good luck, indeed. 269 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,317 Come along, you ugly beast. 270 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:36,793 Wait! 271 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,270 Here. Take this. 272 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:08,634 Last time Danny and me came through the Khyber Pass, we fought our way... 273 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,916 ...yard by bloody yard... 274 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,390 ...and General Bobbs called us heroes afterwards. 275 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,518 But that was years ago. Times have changed. 276 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:22,117 - Blast! Look who's on sentry! - Mulvaney! 277 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,358 That loudmouthed mick from the Black Tyrone! 278 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,911 Private Mulvaney! Come to attention when l am addressing you! 279 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,036 Slope arms! 280 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,517 Present! March! 281 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,036 Mark time! 282 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,589 At the double! 283 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,799 Corporal of the guard! 284 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,990 Take three men and put Private Mulvaney under arrest! 285 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,594 Bloody man's drunk again! 286 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,797 We came through the Khyber with that caravan... 287 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,191 ...doing all sorts of antics to amuse the people. 288 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,717 At night, he told them their fortunes in a tongue of his own... 289 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:10,518 ...and I translated. 290 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,750 And all concerned were happy... 291 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,471 ...because I promised them all their wishes would come true. 292 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:33,795 Then at Jaedallak we turned off towards Kafiristan. 293 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,951 They were sad to see us leave the caravan. We'd brought it good luck. 294 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:44,877 Two she-camels had foaled and there was no sniping at us from the hills. 295 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,795 They waved goodbye to the mad priest and his servant. 296 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,555 And Danny danced them out of sight. 297 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:09,070 The country was deserty. The inhabitants were dispersed, solitary. 298 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,437 We travelled by night and kept away from villages. 299 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,832 We didn't want to waste ammunition in idle fighting with Afghans. 300 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,751 The Pushtukan. 301 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:09,274 A wavy blue line on the map, but we couldn't hope to get camels across. 302 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:14,276 So Peachy says, "It doesn't matter what they cost... 303 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:18,758 ...we'll trade them for goats. We're playing for high stakes." 304 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:23,755 Major McCrimmon bet me 10 bob he could blow up a goat skin in one breath. 305 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:28,476 He did. Though he'd sat down on an anthill in his kilt unknowing. 306 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,558 Ten shillings was ten shillings to McCrimmon! 307 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,273 Mules. 308 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,118 Now, the problem is... 309 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:13,112 ...how to divide five Afghans from three mules... 310 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,750 ...and have two Englishmen left over. - Shoot them. 311 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,714 No. The mules would bolt. 312 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,273 Sit over there, Danny. 313 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:48,432 So we starts forward into those bitter cold mountainous parts... 314 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,394 ...and never a path broader than the back of your hand. 315 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,438 The mountains was tall and white... 316 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,872 ...like wild rams, they was always fighting... 317 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,675 ...so you couldn't sleep for the din of their fighting. 318 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,469 For God's sake, Danny, pipe down. 319 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:41,759 - Why? Who's going to hear us? - These mountains, that's who. 320 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,351 - You wanna start an avalanche? - You don't believe that, l hope. 321 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,269 If a king can't sing, it ain't worth being king. 322 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,156 The country was mountainous... 323 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,359 ...and the mules was most contrary. They all died but one. 324 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,034 And she died later on. 325 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:07,111 Danny went snow-blind and clung to jenny's tail. 326 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:11,355 Up and up we went, and down and down. 327 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:16,116 Through defiles and over snowy saddles till all at once... 328 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,797 ...two giants stood in our way. 329 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,716 God's holy trousers. 330 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,518 What's the matter? 331 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:34,271 Blokes twice our size standing guarding the snow, like. Two of them. 332 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,829 Give them a round apiece. 333 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,196 Not a move out of them. 334 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:49,471 Stay put. 335 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,875 I'll reconnoitre. 336 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,671 They're not real, thank God. 337 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:03,399 They're horrible. 338 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,795 Put there by the Kafiris to frighten the neighbours. 339 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:13,398 Peachy, that means we're in Kafiristan. Or almost. 340 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,156 So it does. 341 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,117 - What was that? - Our bridges have been burned. 342 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:23,588 What do you mean? 343 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,152 The bridge we crossed by ain't there no longer. 344 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,552 God. 345 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,391 Now what? 346 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,030 - Tell me. - A crevasse. 347 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,393 We've had it, Danny. Coming and going! 348 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:54,471 - Wide? - Wide enough! 349 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:58,918 It drops into nothing below, straight as a beggar can spit! 350 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:06,675 That's the last of them, Peachy. No more gods to burn. 351 00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:10,792 It looks like last post, Danny. 352 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:16,717 I don't fancy dying by inches. Feeling the cold creeping up my limbs. 353 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:20,879 - Getting all numb. - I'll do the necessary... 354 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,231 ...when the fire goes out. - Fair enough. 355 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,073 Bloody shame. 356 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,200 Getting this close and not making it. 357 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:35,155 A stone's throw away, our kingdom. 358 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:41,272 I'd have liked to seen you, Danny, with a gold crown on your head. 359 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:44,756 If you could've found one that fitted it. 360 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:50,674 Peachy, in your opinion... 361 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:54,190 ...have our lives been misspent? 362 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,271 Well, that depends on how you look at it. 363 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,313 The world's not a better place because of us. 364 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:02,748 No, hardly that. 365 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:07,351 - Nobody's gonna weep at our demise. - And who'd want them to? 366 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,109 And we haven't many good deeds to our credit. 367 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,835 None. None to brag about. 368 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,510 But how many have been where we've been... 369 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:21,679 ...and seen what we've seen? - Bloody few. And that's a fact. 370 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:26,112 Even now, l wouldn't change places with the viceroy himself... 371 00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:30,472 ...if it meant giving up my memories. - Me neither. 372 00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:35,597 Remember the time the Highlanders was retreating down the hill... 373 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:41,153 ...at Ali Masjit and Pipe Major McCrimmon got his sporran shot off? 374 00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,436 Half a crown was in it, right? 375 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:48,430 So he goes after it without checking to see if that was all he'd lost! 376 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,114 And then he got the Victoria Cross... 377 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,551 ...because the Highlanders followed him up the hill! 378 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:44,674 Danny, we can get on! 379 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,118 Kafiristan. 380 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,071 The promised land. 381 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,914 Must be their Halloween. 382 00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:19,034 Upsadaisy, lad. 383 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,999 Brass band and all. Hail the conquering heroes. 384 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,672 Bloody cheek. Where's their gratitude? 385 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,912 I say! I say there! 386 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,031 Are you Englishmen, please? 387 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:59,350 Stone the bleeding crows! Yes, mate. 388 00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:03,157 - And who might you be? - You just wait one jiffy. 389 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,037 Peachy, it's a Gurkha. 390 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:31,317 Rifleman Machendra Gurung. Known to my regiment as Billy Fish. 391 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,313 Is that right? Well, report, rifleman. 392 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,710 What are you doing here? Wherever here is. 393 00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:40,949 - I come with Colonel Robertson, sir. - The geographer? 394 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,997 Oh, dear me, alas, by Jove. 395 00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:46,596 Party not reaching Er-Heb for very misfortunate reasons. 396 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,877 Large mountain is falling on everyone. 397 00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:53,949 Everybody buried alive except your servant. 398 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:57,711 What about them up there banging drums... 399 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,349 ...and then shooting arrows at us? 400 00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,915 Big noise to scare away devils! 401 00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:07,119 - Many devils here these days. - They thought we was devils? 402 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,476 Kafiristan peoples very ignorant. 403 00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:14,356 I say to head man Ootah, l say, "Oh, no, by Jove, they're not devils... 404 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,273 ...they're Gorasahibs. British soldiers." 405 00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:18,833 Good man, Billy Fish. 406 00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,431 And now, if you'll take us to this Ootah bloke... 407 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,313 ...we will begin his education. 408 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,316 People of Er-Heb, do not fear. 409 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,678 They are our friends, not our enemies. 410 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:52,276 Do you understand? Do not fear. 411 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:55,472 There is no need to fear. They're our friends. 412 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:03,509 Why are you so afraid? People of Er-Heb, do not fear! 413 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,513 They're from England! British soldiers! 414 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,274 White men. Do not be afraid. 415 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,351 Ootah! 416 00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,113 Come on down. 417 00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:18,275 No need to be afraid. They're white men. Ootah! 418 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,270 Come down! 419 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:26,073 Don't be afraid. 420 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,312 Tell him we won't hurt him, not to worry. 421 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,474 He wants to know where you come from. 422 00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,592 Tell him we tumbled from the skies. 423 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,351 He wants to know, are you gods? 424 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,633 Not gods, Englishmen, which is the next best thing. 425 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:26,513 I ofttimes tell Ootah about Englishmans. 426 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,479 How they name dogs, take off hats to womans... 427 00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:33,468 ...and march left, right with rifles on their shoulders. 428 00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:37,468 Bringing enlightenment to the darker regions of the earth. 429 00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,078 He wants to know how rifle works. 430 00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,272 Show him, Peachy. 431 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:04,069 We are not gods, exactly, but we are heaven-sent... 432 00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,192 ...to deliver you from your enemies. 433 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,234 Enemies all around. 434 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:19,230 The Bashkai are the worst. 435 00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:26,399 All town comes out and pisses downstream when we go bathing. 436 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:28,471 Shocking! 437 00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,874 They are always stealing our womans. 438 00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:35,518 Putting on masks. 439 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,914 And so our head chap is thinking them devils... 440 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:46,359 ...and running like bloody hell away. - War! Red war we'll give them. 441 00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:52,233 He give you two goats for each Bashkai man you're killing. 442 00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:57,995 One goat for each womans and childs. 443 00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:01,397 Rather than knock them over one at a time... 444 00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,511 ...we'd like to do it in one fell swoop. 445 00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:08,919 Serve him up a proper victory. Storm Bashkai, take the city. 446 00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,878 He says, "How much?" 447 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:19,671 Only the honour of leading the brave men of Er-Heb into battle. 448 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,309 And what we fancy in souvenirs. 449 00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:33,717 - A bauble here and a bangle there. - Bashkai is only the beginning. 450 00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:38,795 We hope to go on from victory to victory until he runs out of enemies. 451 00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:43,032 And a monarch of all you survey. 452 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:51,430 - All he surveys? - From the highest place in the valley. 453 00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:56,229 The mountains will echo your name. 454 00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:02,952 Ootah the Great! 455 00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,510 Oh, he says he prefers "Ootah the Terrible." 456 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:15,548 Then Ootah the Terrible it shall be. 457 00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,310 And take him in token of our earnest. 458 00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:31,149 And now the womans of Er-Heb will cut his bollocks off! 459 00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,358 Couldn't happen in a better cause. 460 00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:22,078 - Contract. - Contract. 461 00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,593 Ootah say, "You, you no like?" 462 00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:39,551 Tell him we've given up strong drink until we've conquered all his enemies. 463 00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:50,794 Boil them once or twice in hot water... 464 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,514 ...and they'll come out like chicken and ham. 465 00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:56,712 You wouldn't know them from the Gaiety Chorus. 466 00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:04,756 - Ootah says, "Take your pick." - He does? 467 00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:12,278 Oh, tell His Majesty one's prettier than another. I couldn't choose. 468 00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:16,678 Take as many as you like. There are more where they came from. 469 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,518 He has 27 daughters. 470 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:22,269 They're his daughters? His own daughters? 471 00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:26,354 - Dirty old brute! - Different countries, different customs. 472 00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:29,028 Mustn't be prejudiced, Peachy. 473 00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:33,836 Tell His Majesty we've also taken a vow not to dally with females... 474 00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,430 ...till all his enemies are vanquished. 475 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:50,437 He has 32 sons if you're liking boys. 476 00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:53,991 Tell him he makes my gorge rise! 477 00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:59,075 Hold on, Peachy, he's only being hospitable according to his likes. 478 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:08,074 Polo! 479 00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,958 Everything's the same. The ball's bigger. 480 00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,750 - Is the ball always that big? - Depends on size of head. 481 00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:48,431 Big head, big ball. This here Bashkai man. Big damn head. 482 00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:50,358 The bloody heathens. 483 00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:54,912 Different countries, different customs. Mustn't be prejudiced. 484 00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:59,113 Now, listen to me, you benighted muckers. 485 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:05,273 We're gonna teach you soldiering, the noblest profession. 486 00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:12,317 When we're done, you'll be able to slaughter enemies like civilized men! 487 00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:16,559 But first, you'll have to learn to march in step... 488 00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:20,315 ...do the manual of arms without having to think. 489 00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:24,911 Good soldiers don't think, they just obey. 490 00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:29,953 You think if a man thought twice, he'd die for his country? 491 00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:33,869 Not bloody likely! He wouldn't go near the battlefield! 492 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,158 One look at your foolish faces... 493 00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,949 ...tells me you're going to be crack troops. 494 00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:45,392 Him there with a 51 I2 hat size has the makings of a bloody hero. 495 00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:58,432 Timing in the British Army has always been: "One, two, three." 496 00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:00,752 One, two, three. 497 00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:06,350 Say after me, "One, two, three." 498 00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:12,237 Wait. Ready, steady, go. 499 00:55:12,720 --> 00:55:14,392 One, two, three. 500 00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:17,598 One, two, three. 501 00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:22,954 Say it at the same time as the others. Tell him to say it at the same time! 502 00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:27,518 Right. Go! 503 00:55:27,720 --> 00:55:29,278 One, two, three. 504 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,113 One, two, three. 505 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,357 Billy, tell him to say it with the others! 506 00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,515 One, two, three. Right. Now ready, steady, go. 507 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:40,239 One, two, three. 508 00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:43,711 No! He's saying it before the others, Billy. 509 00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:47,754 Not before them, not after them, with them! 510 00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,510 Right. Attention! 511 00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,230 No. You, look... 512 00:55:56,000 --> 00:56:00,835 That one goes to there! Say that one goes to there! That's it! 513 00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:03,798 Down there, like that. 514 00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,719 There. There we are. Okay? Right. 515 00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:27,553 Come on, smarten up, you horrible lot! 516 00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:29,552 Attention! 517 00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,313 That's better. 518 00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:34,313 Troops, march! 519 00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,917 By the left. Quick. March! 520 00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:44,511 Left. Left. Left, right, left. 521 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,229 Wait. You're a handsome piece, that l don't deny... 522 00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:03,553 ...but the contract states the party of the first part, Danny... 523 00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:07,759 ...and the party of the second part, which is me... 524 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,719 ...shall nowise compromise ourselves... 525 00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:14,117 ...with parties of the third part, which is you. 526 00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:16,515 All binding, properly sworn to... 527 00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:20,277 ...witnessed and attested. 528 00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,311 - Danny! - So! 529 00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,355 Thank God you arrived. 530 00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,068 Let's go seek safety in battle. 531 00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,153 Trumpeter, sound your trumpet! 532 00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:31,192 Billy Fish. 533 00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:37,315 Blood is what we want. The bloodier, the better. 534 00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:39,397 So it shall be! 535 00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,630 Like old times, Peachy. Reminds me of Ali Majid. 536 00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:48,912 It's a good job the odds are only 10 to 1. 537 00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:01,713 Halt! 538 00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:08,912 Line up in a straight line here. 539 00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:28,516 Present! 540 00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:31,318 Aim! 541 00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:01,318 Who are they? 542 01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:03,033 What's happening? 543 01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:04,759 Very holy men. 544 01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:09,516 They walk through Kafiristan collecting offerings for Holy City. 545 01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:14,871 Battle is postponed until priests have passed. 546 01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:20,518 - Why are their eyes closed? - They don't wish to see any badness... 547 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:26,078 ...so keep eyes closed until they return to beauties of Sikandergul. 548 01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:56,113 Fire! 549 01:00:59,200 --> 01:01:01,111 Aim! Fire! 550 01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,912 Charge! Come on. 551 01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:13,236 Oh, that great bloody showoff! 552 01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:17,996 Rifle section, form line! Fix bayonets! 553 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,636 Advance! 554 01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:42,917 Volley fire! Commence! 555 01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,277 Charge! 556 01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:24,437 What did you think you were playing at charging single-handed? 557 01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:29,310 - I got carried away. Blood was up. - Acting like a green lieutenant... 558 01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:32,432 ...hoping to be mentioned in dispatches! 559 01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:34,750 - You ought to be ashamed! - Sorry. 560 01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:38,117 Supposing you got killed. Where would l be at? 561 01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:40,748 - Won't happen again. - See it don't! 562 01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:44,919 - Why are you carrying that arrow? - No particular reason. 563 01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:52,839 Hold on! 564 01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:54,718 What's he up to? 565 01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:09,435 He say he win this big battle. According to custom... 566 01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:12,240 ...he lop off their heads. - Great warrior? 567 01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:15,318 I never saw him in the thick of the fray. 568 01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:18,478 There's no prisoner executions in this army. 569 01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:21,114 Tell him to put that sword away. 570 01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:29,190 He says once sword unsheathed, it must taste blood. 571 01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:32,915 Just as l thought. He hasn't had it out until now! 572 01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:42,117 He says watch out or he get very angry and lop your head off. 573 01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:57,036 All right. Up you get. Off your hunkers. 574 01:04:57,280 --> 01:05:00,078 No more grovelling. 575 01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,396 We aren't gonna torch your city... 576 01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:06,115 ...or hang you in chains, nor rape your daughters. 577 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:13,118 Tell them to divide their goods in half and we will choose which half we want. 578 01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:22,354 Henceforth, let the men of Er-Heb and the men of Bashkai be as brothers. 579 01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:24,593 Brothers in arms. 580 01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:29,790 Let them march under one banner and share in the victories to come. 581 01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:39,115 Have the Bashkai any enemies to speak of? 582 01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,351 Oh, enemies all around! 583 01:05:43,600 --> 01:05:46,876 Bhardoks, Ghundaras, Shus, Khawaks. 584 01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:53,951 The Bhardoks piss downstream on Bashkai people when they bathe. 585 01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,189 Shocking! 586 01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:58,517 We'll strike them and grind them into dust! 587 01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:07,311 Silver bracelet, 10 shillings. 588 01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:11,911 A good heavy necklace of the same, worth a fiver at least. 589 01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:15,109 Earring with bangles. 590 01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:19,110 One pig sticker with plain handle. 591 01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:22,911 A gold coin worn pretty thin. 592 01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:28,513 A rosy red ring and a few other ones, plain. 593 01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:32,429 All this should fetch 10 or 15 quid in a London shop. 594 01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:35,313 Not too bad for the back of beyond. 595 01:06:36,160 --> 01:06:37,957 Sikander! 596 01:06:38,200 --> 01:06:40,509 They're calling for you. 597 01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:43,711 For me? 598 01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,636 Sikander. Sikander. 599 01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:10,519 What does Sikander mean, Billy? 600 01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:14,509 Sikander a god. Come here long ago from the West. 601 01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:17,757 That's the bloke Kipling told us about. 602 01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:19,353 Alexander? 603 01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:21,079 Alexander. Sikander. 604 01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:23,513 Here. 605 01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,553 - Alexander. - He builded great city. 606 01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:30,435 Sikandergul, high in mountains. Sit on throne. 607 01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,318 All people worship him. 608 01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:36,513 Then one day, time comes, he say he must go to East. 609 01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:39,518 People pull their hair out, tear clothes. 610 01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:43,315 So Sikander promised to send back son. 611 01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:46,870 328 B.C., encyclopaedia said. 612 01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:52,908 They saw arrow go into Danny's chest, him pluck it out, and not bleeding. 613 01:07:54,280 --> 01:07:55,349 So? 614 01:07:55,560 --> 01:07:59,109 So, son of Sikander. 615 01:07:59,520 --> 01:08:01,112 They think l'm a god? 616 01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:08,877 A god! Put your foot out that l may kiss your big toe. 617 01:08:09,560 --> 01:08:13,030 - You may kiss my royal arse. - Not royal, holy! 618 01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:15,714 - You're a deity, remember? - Peachy. 619 01:08:15,920 --> 01:08:19,549 - Yes, Billy? - Is Danny not son of Sikander? 620 01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:24,430 No, he's a man like us. He can break wind at both ends simultaneous. 621 01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:27,359 Which l bet is more than any god can do! 622 01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:29,516 But the arrow. 623 01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:34,032 The arrow stuck in the bandolier. No miracle. 624 01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:39,030 You better tell them. And my dad's name was Herbert Dravot, Esquire... 625 01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:41,953 ...and he was a bar steward in Durham! 626 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,599 Hang on, Danny. 627 01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:57,592 - Maybe we're missing a bet. - What do you mean? 628 01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:00,360 Supposing you was an ignorant Kafiri... 629 01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:03,711 ...who would you rather follow, a god or a man? 630 01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:07,709 Now, we're here to conquer this country, ain't we? 631 01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:13,034 Well, with you as a god, it would take half the time and half the trouble. 632 01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:16,118 The idea is a bit blasphemous like. 633 01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:17,355 No, Danny... 634 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:22,310 ...blaspheming is when you take his name in vain... 635 01:09:23,400 --> 01:09:25,311 ...God Almighty's. 636 01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:29,232 What if they found out we was having them on? 637 01:09:29,440 --> 01:09:31,032 Why should they? 638 01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,510 We won't tell them. 639 01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:41,190 - You won't tell them, will you, Billy? - Oh, no. Indeed, by Jove, no. 640 01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:49,317 Polo. 641 01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:51,917 Polo. 642 01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:17,232 Er-Heb and Bashkai celebrate new brotherhood. 643 01:10:17,440 --> 01:10:19,590 - With whose head? - Ootah's. 644 01:10:31,520 --> 01:10:36,310 We marched and fought and took more villages. Our ranks swelled. 645 01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:41,514 They were well trained, but with Danny at their head, Sikander the Second... 646 01:10:41,720 --> 01:10:43,517 ...they were also inspired. 647 01:11:58,520 --> 01:12:01,353 Sikander! Sikander! 648 01:12:04,120 --> 01:12:07,908 After half a dozen victories, his fame was such... 649 01:12:08,120 --> 01:12:11,556 ...that the fighting stopped. We was met with gifts... 650 01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:15,998 ...and bevies of maidens who danced and threw flowers. 651 01:12:56,400 --> 01:12:57,913 Girl. 652 01:13:14,560 --> 01:13:17,438 Venus de Milo in the flesh, if flesh it is... 653 01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:20,154 ...and not Guinness and champagne. Billy... 654 01:13:20,400 --> 01:13:23,312 ...tell her to stand up and turn around. 655 01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:34,909 Just gazing, Peachy. Just gazing. 656 01:13:36,720 --> 01:13:39,359 Just enjoying beauty for its own sake. 657 01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:43,553 Being only human, one thing leads to another. 658 01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:48,351 Give her a hat with a feather, and no girl in Brighton on bank holiday... 659 01:13:48,560 --> 01:13:50,516 ...could hold a candle to her. 660 01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:52,832 I must admit... 661 01:13:53,080 --> 01:13:55,389 ...she really is an eyeful. 662 01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:59,316 What's your name, girl? 663 01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:03,036 - Roxanne. - Roxanne. 664 01:14:03,280 --> 01:14:04,508 Here. 665 01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:08,429 Wasn't that the name of the princess Alexander married? 666 01:14:08,640 --> 01:14:10,312 It was that. 667 01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:19,716 Hold your head up. 668 01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:30,598 - Girl afraid. - Of what? 669 01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:35,079 If god takes a girl, she catches fire and go up in smoke. 670 01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:38,716 - They do what? - God's heart, a burning torch. 671 01:14:38,960 --> 01:14:44,637 His veins run fire, not blood. If god makes love to girl she goes: 672 01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:46,353 In one flash. 673 01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:47,999 Not even ashes left. 674 01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:50,953 I bet a jealous goddess made that up. 675 01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:15,550 They come from Sikandergul... 676 01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:18,837 ...with a message for son of Sikander. 677 01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:23,355 They're looking at him, if they opened their eyes. 678 01:15:28,600 --> 01:15:31,034 - The message's from Kafu Selim. - Who? 679 01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:34,192 Kafu Selim, high priest of Kafiristan. 680 01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:39,395 What's the message? 681 01:15:41,600 --> 01:15:43,909 Kafu Selim says come. 682 01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:46,111 Come? 683 01:15:46,520 --> 01:15:49,159 - Is that all? - That's all, just come. 684 01:15:49,400 --> 01:15:51,755 Doesn't waste words, does he? 685 01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:56,431 Tell him we appreciate the invitation. We'll avail ourselves of it... 686 01:15:56,640 --> 01:15:59,598 ...one of these days. - No. Come means "now." 687 01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:04,914 What does he want to see us about? 688 01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:07,310 He just says come. 689 01:16:07,520 --> 01:16:08,953 I see. 690 01:16:09,200 --> 01:16:14,274 All right, tell him to stand by and the army will be ready by first light. 691 01:16:20,400 --> 01:16:23,551 He says, "No! You come alone, him and you." 692 01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:25,438 Without the army? 693 01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:31,118 Tell him Peachy and me don't go anywhere without the army goes with us. 694 01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:33,311 Shut up, Danny. 695 01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:36,712 We have to go. 696 01:16:36,920 --> 01:16:38,399 Have you gone starky? 697 01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:43,913 Keep your voice down and put a smile on your face, we've got an audience. 698 01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:48,756 We'd be stone bonkers to walk into a strange city by our lonesomes. 699 01:16:49,600 --> 01:16:52,990 Either we do what they say or pull stumps and run. 700 01:16:53,200 --> 01:16:57,352 Make a beeline for the mountains and never look back. 701 01:16:57,600 --> 01:17:00,717 Run? Not bloody likely. Run from them? 702 01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:02,154 No... 703 01:17:02,400 --> 01:17:05,756 ...from our blokes. We're over a barrel, Danny. 704 01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:10,710 If we back away from a meeting with old Kafu Selim, we'll lose face... 705 01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:14,913 ...and that is the one thing a god cannot afford. 706 01:17:15,560 --> 01:17:17,312 What to do? 707 01:17:17,760 --> 01:17:19,318 Bluff it out. 708 01:17:19,520 --> 01:17:23,911 Polish our buttons, stuff ramrods up our jacksies and look bold. 709 01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:28,910 Like we did when we were on charges for drunk and resisting the guard. 710 01:18:16,960 --> 01:18:20,236 - Sikandergul. - God's holy trousers! 711 01:18:55,120 --> 01:18:58,112 No weapons allowed in Holy City. 712 01:20:19,080 --> 01:20:20,354 All right... 713 01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,511 ...you got us here. 714 01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:24,911 Now what? 715 01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:32,915 Where's your high panjandrum? 716 01:20:51,320 --> 01:20:54,756 Afternoon, Your Reverence. You wanted to see me? 717 01:21:07,880 --> 01:21:11,714 Tell him he can keep it. I'm making him a present of it. 718 01:21:20,320 --> 01:21:23,630 - What did he say? - He say, "Now we shall see." 719 01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:31,914 You mortals wait down there. 720 01:21:57,000 --> 01:22:00,310 Tell them to take their paws off me double quick... 721 01:22:00,520 --> 01:22:04,399 ...or l'll have their guts for garters! I'll pluck your livers... 722 01:22:04,600 --> 01:22:06,909 ...and feed them to the kites! 723 01:22:07,160 --> 01:22:11,756 How dare you lay your hands on me, Daniel Dravot, Esquire! 724 01:22:15,800 --> 01:22:18,109 Sikander! 725 01:22:48,680 --> 01:22:51,114 Now what the bleeding hell? 726 01:22:51,880 --> 01:22:54,678 One minute he's about to cut my heart out... 727 01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:57,189 ...next minute he's flat on his face! 728 01:22:57,400 --> 01:22:59,356 He saw that... 729 01:23:00,080 --> 01:23:04,153 ...and dropped like he was poleaxed! - What do you make of it? 730 01:23:05,000 --> 01:23:08,117 He says that is mark of Sikander. 731 01:23:38,800 --> 01:23:40,028 They're Masons! 732 01:23:40,680 --> 01:23:45,071 By the square, level, plumb rule, compasses, the all-seeing eye! 733 01:23:45,280 --> 01:23:46,713 The craft, Danny! 734 01:23:47,080 --> 01:23:49,992 - That's what saved us. - Blimey. 735 01:23:53,920 --> 01:23:56,912 Only highest priest knows about this sign... 736 01:23:57,120 --> 01:23:59,839 ...put in stone long ago by Sikander. 737 01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:04,073 Now, Kafu Selim rejoicing at the coming of his son. 738 01:28:04,920 --> 01:28:07,309 It ain't brass, Danny. 739 01:28:33,800 --> 01:28:38,316 - Sikander? - Belonged to him, now son of Sikander's. 740 01:28:46,760 --> 01:28:48,273 These here... 741 01:28:48,440 --> 01:28:53,434 ...make jewels in the Tower of London look like cheap family heirlooms. 742 01:29:03,000 --> 01:29:05,639 God's holy trousers! 743 01:29:12,040 --> 01:29:14,998 Look at the size of that ruby! 744 01:29:21,000 --> 01:29:23,560 There's a bigger one. 745 01:29:24,120 --> 01:29:25,712 Why, Danny... 746 01:29:25,880 --> 01:29:31,477 ...we only have to fill our pockets and walk out of here to be millionaires. 747 01:29:31,640 --> 01:29:35,553 And all of it, all... 748 01:29:35,720 --> 01:29:38,917 ...would make us the two richest men in England! 749 01:29:39,080 --> 01:29:41,674 - The empire. - The world. 750 01:29:44,360 --> 01:29:47,033 But will they let us take it? 751 01:29:47,200 --> 01:29:49,668 Take it away, l mean. 752 01:29:52,320 --> 01:29:54,880 Ask him, Billy. 753 01:30:03,080 --> 01:30:07,551 He says, belong to son of Sikander. Can do with it what he likes. 754 01:30:07,720 --> 01:30:10,359 Leave it here, take away, no matter. 755 01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:12,988 His will be done. 756 01:30:13,760 --> 01:30:19,118 We've mules enough, and riflemen to guard them when the time comes. 757 01:30:19,280 --> 01:30:21,157 What month is it? 758 01:30:21,320 --> 01:30:22,673 January, l make it... 759 01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:27,038 ...or maybe February. March, April, May, June... 760 01:30:27,200 --> 01:30:30,909 ...four months of winter monsoon, then... 761 01:30:31,080 --> 01:30:33,799 Four long months! 762 01:30:33,960 --> 01:30:36,269 What'll we do with the time? 763 01:30:36,440 --> 01:30:38,908 Add up our blessings here... 764 01:30:39,080 --> 01:30:41,116 ...divide them by two... 765 01:30:41,280 --> 01:30:43,874 ...not forgetting you, Billy. 766 01:30:44,840 --> 01:30:48,435 And multiply that by the years we got left. 767 01:30:50,080 --> 01:30:51,752 Tell His Reverence... 768 01:30:51,920 --> 01:30:57,233 ...he has my thanks for discharging his trust so correctly... 769 01:30:57,400 --> 01:30:59,994 ...and delivering to me what is mine. 770 01:31:02,600 --> 01:31:07,230 And tell him l'm also grateful to all them other holy men... 771 01:31:07,400 --> 01:31:10,949 ...who waited for me, from one generation to another... 772 01:31:11,120 --> 01:31:16,433 ...down the centuries to this present day and fortuitous occasion. 773 01:31:26,640 --> 01:31:31,953 My lord, these people are from village of Kamdesh. 774 01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:36,272 This man owns 60 cows. All cows in the village. 775 01:31:36,600 --> 01:31:42,516 - Very enterprising of him. - Enterprise is not his, it is hers. 776 01:31:42,680 --> 01:31:46,514 She's his wife. Every time he catches her with other man... 777 01:31:46,680 --> 01:31:49,911 ...other man has to pay six cows. Kafiri custom. 778 01:31:50,200 --> 01:31:53,317 Use other man's wife, pay him six cows. 779 01:31:53,480 --> 01:31:56,153 He's piled up a fortune of 60 cows... 780 01:31:56,320 --> 01:31:59,392 ...out of her infidelities? - And 32 goats. 781 01:32:01,160 --> 01:32:04,948 She ain't a wife. She's a going concern! 782 01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:10,916 And these are the unfaithful husbands and these the wives? 783 01:32:11,080 --> 01:32:15,949 Those four, wives of one man. These three, wives of another. 784 01:32:17,760 --> 01:32:20,194 This ain't no laughing matter! 785 01:32:20,360 --> 01:32:24,558 No cattle, there ain't meat nor hides. No milk, there ain't... 786 01:32:24,720 --> 01:32:28,235 ...butter or cheese and the children's bowls go empty. 787 01:32:28,400 --> 01:32:30,914 Outrageous, it is! 788 01:32:31,080 --> 01:32:33,958 Now... 789 01:32:34,120 --> 01:32:37,954 For encouraging his wife to comport herself like Jezebel... 790 01:32:38,120 --> 01:32:42,159 ...one cow shall be paid each of the other wives. 791 01:32:42,320 --> 01:32:45,437 For using a good law for a bad purpose, another. 792 01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:49,070 For causing the young to go without, a third. 793 01:32:49,680 --> 01:32:52,877 For thinking he can get away with it, a fourth. 794 01:32:53,040 --> 01:32:58,353 He shall pay 22 cases of compensation of four cows to each wife. 795 01:32:58,520 --> 01:33:01,353 Which means, she's got... 796 01:33:03,960 --> 01:33:07,714 - Fourteen and two-thirds. ...more infidelities to commit... 797 01:33:07,880 --> 01:33:10,155 ...to come out even. 798 01:33:10,320 --> 01:33:15,792 Let's see how he likes it when she earns cows for others. Next case. 799 01:33:34,680 --> 01:33:36,910 - What's the charge? - No charge. 800 01:33:37,080 --> 01:33:40,277 This chief from Agatsi which village have fire... 801 01:33:40,440 --> 01:33:44,319 ...and supply of grains go up in smoke. He want permission... 802 01:33:44,480 --> 01:33:47,597 ...to raid another village for to steal grain. 803 01:33:47,760 --> 01:33:52,356 They don't have to raid and they won't starve. Make a proclamation. 804 01:33:52,520 --> 01:33:55,751 - What number is it? - Thirty-one, my lord. 805 01:33:55,920 --> 01:33:59,435 Each village will bring one-tenth of its crop here... 806 01:33:59,600 --> 01:34:03,878 ...to my royal city of Sikandergul where same will be stored. 807 01:34:04,040 --> 01:34:07,715 Henceforth, any village suffering from privation... 808 01:34:08,160 --> 01:34:11,835 ...shall have grain issued in accordance with its needs. 809 01:34:12,120 --> 01:34:15,192 I now pronounce this law enacted. Selah. 810 01:34:15,360 --> 01:34:17,874 I pronounce a recess in this durbar. 811 01:34:18,040 --> 01:34:20,235 - Yes, my lord. - Peachy. 812 01:34:25,160 --> 01:34:28,948 If we're gonna make it stick that l'm a god... 813 01:34:29,120 --> 01:34:33,955 ...you ought to bow when you pass in front of me like everybody else. 814 01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:38,636 - All right, Danny. - Understand? 815 01:34:38,800 --> 01:34:42,031 - For appearances' sake. - Yeah. 816 01:34:42,200 --> 01:34:46,990 - No offense? - No, no, of course not, Danny. 817 01:34:54,800 --> 01:34:57,872 You have to take your hat off to Daniel Dravot. 818 01:34:58,040 --> 01:35:01,430 He dealt out justice as though he wrote the book. 819 01:35:02,640 --> 01:35:08,078 Peachy was general of his armies, but there was no more battles to fight. 820 01:35:08,240 --> 01:35:13,473 Danny had him build a bridge that would span the chasm below the Holy City. 821 01:35:13,640 --> 01:35:18,156 It'd help keep Peachy occupied until the spring came. 822 01:35:37,400 --> 01:35:41,518 Look, Danny, the geese. Skeins of them flying north. 823 01:35:41,680 --> 01:35:46,310 A fortnight and the pass will open. What we ought to do is make camp... 824 01:35:46,480 --> 01:35:50,155 ...high up on the mountain and wait on the weather. 825 01:35:57,840 --> 01:36:01,196 - I ain't going, Peachy. - What? 826 01:36:03,280 --> 01:36:06,511 - You heard me. - Not going? 827 01:36:06,680 --> 01:36:08,352 Correct. 828 01:36:08,520 --> 01:36:11,193 Have you gone barmy? 829 01:36:11,680 --> 01:36:15,434 No, l ain't been drinking neither. 830 01:36:17,240 --> 01:36:19,708 I see things clear. 831 01:36:20,560 --> 01:36:23,916 It's like bandages have been removed from my eyes. 832 01:36:26,880 --> 01:36:30,190 Have you ever walked into a strange room... 833 01:36:30,800 --> 01:36:33,917 ...and it's like you've been there before? 834 01:36:34,760 --> 01:36:37,752 - I know what you mean. - Let me tell you something. 835 01:36:37,920 --> 01:36:41,549 This isn't the first time l've worn a crown. 836 01:36:42,640 --> 01:36:45,677 There's more to this than meets the eye. 837 01:36:45,840 --> 01:36:47,876 It all adds up. 838 01:36:48,040 --> 01:36:49,837 What does? 839 01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:55,154 Everything that's happened from the time we decided to come here. 840 01:36:55,320 --> 01:36:57,629 No, before that... 841 01:36:57,800 --> 01:37:01,588 ...beginning with your taking Brother Kipling's watch. 842 01:37:02,440 --> 01:37:07,594 More than chance has been at work here. More than mere chance. 843 01:37:07,760 --> 01:37:10,479 Why his watch and not somebody else's? 844 01:37:10,640 --> 01:37:13,438 And what made him give me the emblem? 845 01:37:13,600 --> 01:37:15,830 One thing after the other. 846 01:37:16,000 --> 01:37:19,037 The avalanche, the arrow... 847 01:37:19,200 --> 01:37:21,191 ...the mark on the stone... 848 01:37:21,360 --> 01:37:26,514 ...not to mention another Roxanne. - Roxanne? The Venus de Milo? 849 01:37:26,680 --> 01:37:28,636 The same. 850 01:37:28,800 --> 01:37:33,555 One more thing is needful for my destiny to be fulfilled. 851 01:37:33,720 --> 01:37:36,951 - I take her to wife. - Leave the women alone. 852 01:37:37,120 --> 01:37:39,429 Who's talking women? I said wife. 853 01:37:39,840 --> 01:37:43,355 - A queen to breed a king's son. - And the contract? 854 01:37:43,520 --> 01:37:48,310 The contract lasted until we was kings, and king l've been for months! 855 01:37:48,480 --> 01:37:53,998 The first king since Alexander, the first to wear his crown in 2200 and... 856 01:37:54,320 --> 01:37:56,993 - 14. ...14 years! 857 01:37:57,160 --> 01:37:59,230 Him... 858 01:37:59,400 --> 01:38:01,595 ...and now me! 859 01:38:03,640 --> 01:38:06,359 They call me his son and l am... 860 01:38:06,520 --> 01:38:09,273 ...in spirit anyway. 861 01:38:09,440 --> 01:38:12,318 It's a hugeous responsibility. 862 01:38:12,480 --> 01:38:16,951 The bridge is the first of many. They'll tie the country together. 863 01:38:17,120 --> 01:38:21,079 A nation l shall make of it with an anthem and a flag. 864 01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:25,472 I shall treat on equal terms the viceroy and other kings and princes. 865 01:38:25,640 --> 01:38:30,589 When l've accomplished what l set out to do, l'll stand before the queen... 866 01:38:30,760 --> 01:38:35,914 ...not kneel, mind you, but stand like an equal and she'll say: 867 01:38:36,080 --> 01:38:42,349 "Please accept the Order of the Garter as a mark of my esteem, cousin." 868 01:38:42,520 --> 01:38:47,992 She'll pin it on me herself. It's big. I tell you, it's big! 869 01:38:48,160 --> 01:38:51,630 And l tell you, you need a physic! 870 01:38:52,200 --> 01:38:54,156 I'm fair disappointed in you. 871 01:38:54,320 --> 01:38:57,756 You, who followed me and helped make me what l am. 872 01:38:57,920 --> 01:39:02,596 Followed you, me? Who had hold of the mule's tail, tell me that? 873 01:39:02,760 --> 01:39:05,149 The jenny also done her bit. 874 01:39:05,320 --> 01:39:10,269 Danny! We've had this rare streak of luck. Let's quit winners for once. 875 01:39:10,440 --> 01:39:15,798 - Cut and run while the running's good. - You call it luck. I call it destiny. 876 01:39:15,960 --> 01:39:21,080 Ha, ha! Pardon me while l fall down laughing. 877 01:39:22,080 --> 01:39:26,596 Whatever you may think and however you may feel, l'm a king and you're a subject! 878 01:39:26,800 --> 01:39:29,997 So don't you provoke me, Peachy Carnehan! 879 01:39:30,160 --> 01:39:31,593 Or you'll do what? 880 01:39:31,760 --> 01:39:35,639 You've got me trembling in my boots here! What'll you do? 881 01:39:38,840 --> 01:39:43,436 - You have permission to bugger off! - I will, with or without your... 882 01:39:43,600 --> 01:39:46,194 ...bleeding permission! 883 01:39:48,040 --> 01:39:51,794 And may you rot in hell, Daniel Dravot! 884 01:39:52,520 --> 01:39:57,753 From Sikander the First to the Second was a long time between kings... 885 01:39:57,920 --> 01:40:01,549 ...and a country needs a king like a king needs a crown. 886 01:40:01,720 --> 01:40:04,314 One is the glory of the other. 887 01:40:04,480 --> 01:40:10,032 Therefore, l shall leave a son behind who will in turn beget other sons... 888 01:40:10,200 --> 01:40:16,435 ...so the succession will be unbroken and kings will be guaranteed forever. 889 01:40:17,000 --> 01:40:19,070 To which end... 890 01:40:19,240 --> 01:40:21,754 ...l have chosen a wife. 891 01:40:22,080 --> 01:40:24,719 Roxanne of Khawak. 892 01:40:43,880 --> 01:40:47,316 Let her be brought here attended by her family. 893 01:40:47,480 --> 01:40:50,756 I want flowers strewed along her way. 894 01:40:50,920 --> 01:40:55,232 The wedding ceremony will be surrounded by pomp and circumstance! 895 01:40:55,400 --> 01:41:01,077 Let messengers be sent forth and summon my people from near and far. 896 01:41:01,520 --> 01:41:03,750 Selah. 897 01:41:21,560 --> 01:41:23,278 What are they saying? 898 01:41:23,440 --> 01:41:26,876 How can daughters of men marry gods or devils? 899 01:41:27,360 --> 01:41:30,397 - A god can do anything. - But it is not proper. 900 01:41:30,560 --> 01:41:34,155 - Who says it isn't? - All the priests. 901 01:41:37,360 --> 01:41:40,875 Would they put their word against that of a god? 902 01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:46,715 They say let lmbra decide. 903 01:41:47,600 --> 01:41:49,750 Imbra is highest god of all. 904 01:41:50,600 --> 01:41:54,036 And what if lmbra should hold against me? 905 01:41:54,200 --> 01:41:56,475 What'll they do about it? 906 01:41:57,360 --> 01:41:59,316 Am l a dog or a god? 907 01:41:59,480 --> 01:42:03,439 Haven't l put the shadow of my hand over this country? 908 01:42:05,320 --> 01:42:07,754 Do as l say! Send for the girl! 909 01:42:07,920 --> 01:42:10,559 Tell them that's an order! 910 01:42:32,720 --> 01:42:37,077 - Well, Billy, what's going on? - Signs very bad, Peachy. 911 01:42:37,240 --> 01:42:42,234 Priests open up birds, green inside and stinking horrid. Imbra very angry. 912 01:42:42,400 --> 01:42:46,951 They probably cut the spleen. The green's only bile. 913 01:42:47,120 --> 01:42:52,638 Don't worry, Billy, the girl won't go up in smoke. I'll guarantee you that. 914 01:42:52,800 --> 01:42:56,395 Girl don't matter. Many girls here, no difference. 915 01:42:56,560 --> 01:42:58,471 Few girls more or less... 916 01:42:58,640 --> 01:43:04,670 ...but cows now, they dry up and goats throw babies too soon. 917 01:43:04,840 --> 01:43:07,195 And corn do not ripen. 918 01:43:07,360 --> 01:43:08,759 Everybody go hungry. 919 01:43:08,920 --> 01:43:15,359 Now, Billy, you know as well as l do that Dravot's no god. 920 01:43:15,520 --> 01:43:17,556 He told you about the arrow. 921 01:43:17,720 --> 01:43:21,269 But then, priests must be mistaken about lmbra. 922 01:43:21,440 --> 01:43:23,829 He not angry because... 923 01:43:24,000 --> 01:43:27,788 ...god marrying a mortal but because son of man... 924 01:43:27,960 --> 01:43:30,918 ...pretend to be a god. 925 01:45:07,240 --> 01:45:09,800 Roxanne, don't be afraid... 926 01:45:10,040 --> 01:45:11,951 ...l wouldn't harm you. 927 01:45:12,840 --> 01:45:16,992 When the time comes, you'll catch fire, l warrant. 928 01:45:17,240 --> 01:45:20,471 All women should when their husbands hold them. 929 01:45:20,640 --> 01:45:24,394 But you won't perish, girl, l promise you that. 930 01:46:47,240 --> 01:46:48,912 Well, Danny... 931 01:46:49,120 --> 01:46:52,351 ...the time has come, as the saying goes. 932 01:46:52,600 --> 01:46:53,953 When do you leave? 933 01:46:54,200 --> 01:46:56,156 At first light. 934 01:46:56,320 --> 01:47:00,871 I thought you might look in the boxes before l nail them shut. 935 01:47:01,040 --> 01:47:04,112 - See what l'm taking. - Take what you like. 936 01:47:04,280 --> 01:47:08,956 I weighed the gold out, pound for pound. The gems, ounce for ounce. 937 01:47:09,120 --> 01:47:10,155 Right. 938 01:47:12,200 --> 01:47:14,998 I'll only need half the mules we planned. 939 01:47:15,240 --> 01:47:19,791 I'd like to take 20 riflemen to be safe through the Khyber Pass. 940 01:47:20,040 --> 01:47:22,952 Take them. Take them. 941 01:47:29,600 --> 01:47:31,955 God's holy trousers! 942 01:47:35,840 --> 01:47:37,956 What is that? 943 01:47:42,640 --> 01:47:44,949 They're savages here, one and all. 944 01:47:45,160 --> 01:47:49,711 Leave them to slaughtering babies, playing stick-and-ball with heads... 945 01:47:49,880 --> 01:47:52,155 ...and pissing on their neighbours. 946 01:47:55,760 --> 01:47:57,352 Please, Danny... 947 01:47:59,040 --> 01:48:02,350 ...for the last time of asking... 948 01:48:02,560 --> 01:48:04,357 ...come back with me. 949 01:48:05,080 --> 01:48:07,753 For the last time of answering, l won't. 950 01:48:08,640 --> 01:48:12,235 I know you've got my best interest at heart... 951 01:48:12,400 --> 01:48:14,675 ...but the choice has been made. 952 01:48:14,920 --> 01:48:18,151 Well, l'll be seeing you, then? 953 01:48:18,520 --> 01:48:20,954 In London maybe... 954 01:48:22,880 --> 01:48:26,429 ...when the queen gives you the Order of the Garter. 955 01:48:35,360 --> 01:48:37,476 - Peachy. - Yes, Danny? 956 01:48:37,640 --> 01:48:39,517 I'll be married midmorning. 957 01:48:39,840 --> 01:48:42,752 Could you not wait and leave afterwards? 958 01:48:42,920 --> 01:48:45,753 See me up the aisle for old times' sake? 959 01:48:47,400 --> 01:48:49,152 If you like. 960 01:50:56,000 --> 01:50:57,956 Peachy, the ring. 961 01:51:02,640 --> 01:51:05,791 I, Sikander the Second, hereby take thee... 962 01:51:05,960 --> 01:51:08,838 ...Roxanne, to be my lawful wedded wife... 963 01:51:09,440 --> 01:51:14,150 ...and queen of Kafiristan. Selah. 964 01:51:31,440 --> 01:51:33,351 She bit me! 965 01:51:36,520 --> 01:51:38,636 The slut bit me! 966 01:52:03,360 --> 01:52:04,759 What's he saying? 967 01:52:04,960 --> 01:52:09,795 Danny's bleeding, they know! He says, "Not god, not devil, but man!" 968 01:52:09,960 --> 01:52:12,713 They've twigged it, Danny. You've had it! 969 01:52:16,360 --> 01:52:17,395 The jig's up! 970 01:52:17,560 --> 01:52:20,154 - I, Sikander... - For God's sake! 971 01:52:23,400 --> 01:52:28,155 We've got to brass it out, Danny. Danny, brass it out! 972 01:52:35,400 --> 01:52:37,550 Bags of swank. 973 01:53:13,320 --> 01:53:17,598 We'll get your riflemen and come back and slaughter the dogs! 974 01:53:26,840 --> 01:53:30,992 A drenching in their own blood we'll give them! Prepare to advance! 975 01:53:31,160 --> 01:53:34,152 Too many for that, Danny. Retire in sections. 976 01:53:34,320 --> 01:53:36,390 Retire? Retire be damned! 977 01:53:36,640 --> 01:53:38,756 We've gotta make a run for it! 978 01:53:41,840 --> 01:53:43,558 Front section... 979 01:53:44,360 --> 01:53:45,759 ...fire! 980 01:53:47,240 --> 01:53:48,753 Back! 981 01:53:50,160 --> 01:53:52,549 Front rank, fire! 982 01:53:54,960 --> 01:53:56,359 Break ranks! 983 01:55:40,800 --> 01:55:44,679 Mount the mule and ride! There's a chance you'll make it. 984 01:55:44,840 --> 01:55:47,070 Gurkha foot soldier, not cavalry. 985 01:55:47,320 --> 01:55:51,950 Rifleman Machendra Bahadur Gurung wishing you many good lucks. 986 01:56:19,720 --> 01:56:21,199 Out of bloody ammo! 987 01:56:21,440 --> 01:56:22,759 Me too! 988 01:56:42,840 --> 01:56:45,991 I'm heartily ashamed for getting you killed... 989 01:56:46,160 --> 01:56:48,720 ...instead of going home rich... 990 01:56:48,880 --> 01:56:53,271 ...on account of me being so bleeding high and bloody mighty! 991 01:56:53,520 --> 01:56:55,556 Can you forgive me? 992 01:56:57,440 --> 01:57:01,399 That l can, and that l do, Danny. 993 01:57:01,600 --> 01:57:05,752 Free and full and without let or hindrance. 994 01:57:05,920 --> 01:57:07,876 Everything's all right, then. 995 01:58:13,440 --> 01:58:15,749 Cut, you buggers, cut! 996 01:59:03,800 --> 01:59:08,794 And old Danny fell round and round and round and round... 997 01:59:09,040 --> 01:59:13,397 ...like a penny whirligig. Twenty thousand miles! 998 01:59:13,640 --> 01:59:19,397 It took him half an hour to fall before he struck the rocks. 999 01:59:19,640 --> 01:59:23,349 And do you know what they did to Peachy? 1000 01:59:24,920 --> 01:59:27,354 They crucified him, sir... 1001 01:59:28,200 --> 01:59:30,760 ...between two pine trees... 1002 01:59:31,240 --> 01:59:35,119 ...as Peachy's hands will show. 1003 01:59:37,640 --> 01:59:40,757 Poor Peachy, who'd never done them any harm. 1004 01:59:41,000 --> 01:59:45,198 He just hung there and he screamed, but he didn't die. 1005 01:59:45,360 --> 01:59:48,193 The next day they came and took him down... 1006 01:59:48,360 --> 01:59:52,797 ...and said it's a miracle he wasn't dead and they let him go. 1007 01:59:54,440 --> 01:59:58,592 And Peachy come home in about a year... 1008 01:59:58,840 --> 02:00:02,753 ...and the mountains they tried to fall on old Peachy... 1009 02:00:03,000 --> 02:00:08,472 ...but he was quite safe because Daniel walked before him. 1010 02:00:10,040 --> 02:00:16,149 And Daniel never let go of Peachy's hand. 1011 02:00:17,520 --> 02:00:21,798 And Peachy never let go of Daniel's head. 1012 02:00:23,760 --> 02:00:25,318 His head? 1013 02:00:25,560 --> 02:00:27,357 You knew Danny, sir. 1014 02:00:27,520 --> 02:00:29,192 Oh, yes. 1015 02:00:30,040 --> 02:00:34,830 You knew most worshipful Brother... 1016 02:00:36,400 --> 02:00:38,755 ...Daniel Dravot, Esquire. 1017 02:00:39,720 --> 02:00:41,153 Well... 1018 02:00:41,960 --> 02:00:47,034 ...he became the king of Kafiristan... 1019 02:00:47,240 --> 02:00:50,789 ...with a crown on his head. 1020 02:00:50,960 --> 02:00:55,272 And that's all there is to tell. I'll be on my way now, sir. 1021 02:00:55,520 --> 02:00:58,353 I've got urgent business in the South. 1022 02:00:58,560 --> 02:01:01,950 I have to meet a man at Marwar Junction.