1 00:00:27,609 --> 00:00:29,167 Christina Walters? 2 00:00:29,809 --> 00:00:32,448 God, I haven't heard that name in ages. 3 00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,123 The kind of woman who can get any guy she wants, 4 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,165 That's Christina Walters. 5 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:41,761 We dated briefly, but she's not the commitment type. 6 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:45,280 She's a player. She just likes to have fun. 7 00:00:45,609 --> 00:00:48,487 I met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass. 8 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:52,324 Totally hit it off. All night long we dance. I buy her drinks. 9 00:00:52,609 --> 00:00:55,601 At the end of the night, she just splits. 10 00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:58,649 I lay down all that groundwork for nothing. 11 00:01:00,329 --> 00:01:01,842 Lesbian. 12 00:01:03,609 --> 00:01:06,203 She gave me her number. It's been three days. 13 00:01:06,289 --> 00:01:08,644 I saw Swingeer. I know how these things work. 14 00:01:08,729 --> 00:01:11,243 Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone, 15 00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:15,602 I stay up nights trying to figure out why she said she'd call and didn't. 16 00:01:15,929 --> 00:01:20,286 Maybe she wanted to call and that's why she said she was going to call, but... 17 00:01:20,649 --> 00:01:22,241 "Christina" 18 00:01:24,049 --> 00:01:25,482 "Christina" 19 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:31,800 You know, there ought to be some kind of a signal... 20 00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:36,759 ...to let us guys know when we are talking to a lesbian. 21 00:01:37,169 --> 00:01:40,047 So we don't waste our time. 22 00:01:40,929 --> 00:01:44,365 Prolonged impotence is very common after a breakup. 23 00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:46,280 Lots of men suffer from it. 24 00:01:46,369 --> 00:01:50,885 They just don't talk about it. Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab. 25 00:01:50,969 --> 00:01:54,166 But, even still, because she said she was going to call... 26 00:01:54,649 --> 00:01:57,402 ...she should've called to say she wasn't going to call... 27 00:01:57,489 --> 00:01:59,798 ...and I would've thanked her for calling... 28 00:01:59,889 --> 00:02:01,527 All right. Okay . 29 00:02:02,369 --> 00:02:05,042 I apologize for saying she was a lesbian. 30 00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:06,602 It's not true. 31 00:02:07,769 --> 00:02:11,398 My male ego got bruised and I lashed out. I'm sorry. 32 00:02:12,729 --> 00:02:15,323 I'm not used to being blown off, that's all. 33 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:18,367 I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose. 34 00:02:19,089 --> 00:02:23,844 I know deep down inside she's scared and lonely just like everyone else. 35 00:02:25,089 --> 00:02:28,161 She'll settle down though, once she finds the right man. 36 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,798 Or woman . 37 00:02:30,169 --> 00:02:32,888 Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y. 38 00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:38,003 Jeez, I'm sorry. Did I say it again? You're goddamn right I said it again. 39 00:02:38,089 --> 00:02:41,240 Why don't you shave your head, Christina, and take up women's golf? 40 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:45,368 Why don't you go to the Depot. Lots of carpet you can munch on there. 41 00:02:51,449 --> 00:02:55,237 At least I don't get that dizzy, head-spinning nausea as much as I used to. 42 00:02:55,329 --> 00:02:56,603 Hooray! 43 00:03:00,169 --> 00:03:02,205 Like I said, I'm doing fine. 44 00:03:02,769 --> 00:03:04,839 I am fan-fucking-tastic. 45 00:03:31,049 --> 00:03:32,960 - Christina. - Valerie! 46 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,847 Shake it if you've got it. 47 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,642 Miss Courtney. 48 00:03:38,809 --> 00:03:41,960 Hello, Miss Christina. How you doing? What you doing? 49 00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:44,121 Dancing too much. How you doing? 50 00:03:44,209 --> 00:03:46,848 Same thing. How was your day? 51 00:03:46,929 --> 00:03:48,248 Pretty good. 52 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:51,878 I got a new account designing a campaign for a sports line. 53 00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:54,319 They got the right girl, didn't they? 54 00:03:54,889 --> 00:03:56,288 Thank you. 55 00:03:56,729 --> 00:03:58,003 So, what's up? 56 00:03:58,169 --> 00:04:02,128 The usual. Defending the rights of my broken-hearted clients. 57 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:06,043 Trying to squeeze every penny out of their miserable, cheating spouses. 58 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,524 You go get them, woman, 59 00:04:08,609 --> 00:04:11,169 I'll order a pizza and stay in tonight. 60 00:04:11,529 --> 00:04:14,362 Okay, but if we do that, you know what will have to happen. 61 00:04:14,449 --> 00:04:18,328 Girl, I've been shaking my ass all the way up this hill. 62 00:04:18,689 --> 00:04:19,678 Which track? 63 00:04:19,769 --> 00:04:21,566 Track three. Oh, yeah! 64 00:04:22,809 --> 00:04:24,322 Koochie! 65 00:04:38,049 --> 00:04:41,041 Is your granny here? What's going on? 66 00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:43,597 It's Jane. She loves this song. 67 00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:48,961 Jane, what's up? 68 00:04:52,129 --> 00:04:53,721 He dumped me. 69 00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,002 Kevin dumped me. 70 00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:59,959 It was just three days before our one-year anniversary. 71 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:03,286 - Baby. - Maybe he just freaked out. 72 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:07,362 He will call up tomorrow when he realizes what a huge mistake he made. 73 00:05:07,449 --> 00:05:09,917 - He's probably going through that whole... - No. 74 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,762 He says he's been wanting this for six months. 75 00:05:12,849 --> 00:05:16,842 He says he's been dying inside ever since I brought over my garment bag. 76 00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,805 - Honey. - What? 77 00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:25,004 We're all guilty of it. You made yourself too available. 78 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,484 It's a classic mistake, sweetheart. 79 00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:30,163 - Yeah. - Not according to this. 80 00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,361 "Commandment four." 81 00:05:33,049 --> 00:05:35,324 "True Love: The Ten Commandments." 82 00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:39,442 "Commandment number four: Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities. 83 00:05:39,569 --> 00:05:41,844 "Boundaries are the enemies of love." 84 00:05:42,089 --> 00:05:46,321 Sweetie, you know what? This book is relationship propaganda. 85 00:05:46,569 --> 00:05:47,888 Listen to me. 86 00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:51,917 Dating is all about boundaries. 87 00:05:52,009 --> 00:05:53,920 Honey, you have to protect yourself. 88 00:05:54,009 --> 00:05:57,160 We've all had our heart stomped on one too many times... 89 00:05:57,369 --> 00:06:00,327 ...because we served it to them on a big old platter. 90 00:06:00,529 --> 00:06:03,521 A good defence is the best offence. 91 00:06:03,609 --> 00:06:05,600 I am so tired of playing games. 92 00:06:05,689 --> 00:06:09,159 This is not about playing games. This is about self-preservation. 93 00:06:09,409 --> 00:06:13,163 You can't throw yourself out there all exposed and vulnerable every time. 94 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:14,967 That is how you get smacked down. 95 00:06:15,049 --> 00:06:16,562 Do you understand? 96 00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:21,048 Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. 97 00:06:21,209 --> 00:06:25,282 And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day... 98 00:06:25,849 --> 00:06:29,888 ...that "now" part is just going to drop away. 99 00:06:30,009 --> 00:06:31,522 Naturally, you know? 100 00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:34,408 Meanwhile, you're just going to have fun together. 101 00:06:34,489 --> 00:06:38,004 Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit. 102 00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:41,126 Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out. 103 00:06:43,209 --> 00:06:46,087 We are taking you out. You are going to have a good time. 104 00:06:46,169 --> 00:06:47,443 No. 105 00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:51,122 Oswaldo! 106 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,361 Hey, Christina. Courtney. 107 00:06:55,329 --> 00:06:57,604 - Jane. - Hello, Jane. 108 00:06:58,169 --> 00:06:59,682 - Welcome. - Thank you. 109 00:07:02,809 --> 00:07:03,924 Shut up! 110 00:07:11,969 --> 00:07:14,164 Okay, girls, let's go. 111 00:07:18,889 --> 00:07:20,607 This is it, Jane. 112 00:07:26,729 --> 00:07:28,242 Go, baby! 113 00:08:15,409 --> 00:08:17,206 - Right here, baby. - Oh, my God. 114 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,200 They can have her. 115 00:08:21,529 --> 00:08:25,204 Look at the shoulder, baby. Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby. 116 00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:28,201 What's your name, baby? 117 00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:31,967 Herewe go. Circle of love, circle of love! 118 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,526 We're going to go now. 119 00:08:40,849 --> 00:08:42,726 Bye-bye. 120 00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:56,721 My God. It's like Siegfried & Roy or something. 121 00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:58,720 Martinis, ladies. 122 00:08:59,449 --> 00:09:02,839 - Compliments of the gentleman at the bar. - Which one? 123 00:09:05,689 --> 00:09:08,203 Thank you, Leather Coat Guy. 124 00:09:08,969 --> 00:09:10,527 Cheers. 125 00:09:12,689 --> 00:09:15,078 Leather Coat Guy is looking good. 126 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:16,608 Shotgun! 127 00:09:17,529 --> 00:09:18,564 Cheater. 128 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:23,964 What's up? 129 00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:28,203 Nothing. What's up with you? 130 00:09:29,409 --> 00:09:30,603 Nothing. 131 00:09:31,969 --> 00:09:33,402 What's up with you? 132 00:09:34,129 --> 00:09:36,518 Nothing. What's up with you? 133 00:09:37,889 --> 00:09:38,878 Nothing. 134 00:09:38,969 --> 00:09:42,405 You know, I am having the best time. 135 00:09:42,489 --> 00:09:43,683 Are you, sweetie? 136 00:09:43,769 --> 00:09:47,398 My boyfriend dumped me. I'm at this club where no one wants to talk to me. 137 00:09:47,489 --> 00:09:49,798 - I want to go home. - No. 138 00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:53,405 No. Christina, I can't do this. 139 00:09:53,489 --> 00:09:55,719 Yes, you can. It's really very easy. 140 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,728 Observe. 141 00:10:00,969 --> 00:10:02,402 I just pinched his ass. 142 00:10:02,489 --> 00:10:03,717 I'm sorry. Hi. 143 00:10:03,809 --> 00:10:06,448 - Hi. What's your name? - Peter. 144 00:10:06,529 --> 00:10:09,680 Peter, this is my friend, Jane. Jane would love to dance. 145 00:10:11,129 --> 00:10:15,088 I don't mean to be rude, but I have some friends waiting for me. 146 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:16,887 Nice to meet you, though. 147 00:10:18,089 --> 00:10:21,525 - He hated me. I suck. - You don't suck. That guy was a dick. 148 00:10:21,609 --> 00:10:25,363 I'll make sure that you have fun tonight if it's the last thing... 149 00:10:25,769 --> 00:10:27,282 What did you call me? 150 00:10:30,449 --> 00:10:33,759 You just called me a dick. I heard you. Why am I a dick? 151 00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:36,841 Because I didn't like the way you treated my friend. 152 00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,079 I didn't do anything to your friend. 153 00:10:39,489 --> 00:10:41,639 You barely gave her the time of day. 154 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:45,206 You tried to pawn me off on her and I didn't go for it. 155 00:10:45,489 --> 00:10:49,562 You should be so lucky to even talk to someone as hot and sweet as Jane. 156 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,638 Excuse me. 157 00:10:50,729 --> 00:10:54,961 I wasn't suggesting you get married. I just thought you could get it on. 158 00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:57,000 What? Get it on? 159 00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,126 You know nothing about me. What if I'm some psycho serial killer? 160 00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:03,281 What if Jane was the girl of your dreams, but you'll never know? 161 00:11:03,369 --> 00:11:05,007 That is the sweetest thing. 162 00:11:05,089 --> 00:11:08,126 I never thought I'd meet her by having somebody grab me and say: 163 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:12,441 "Man, I have good woman for you. She is very hot and sweet. 164 00:11:12,529 --> 00:11:14,884 "Jane! Dance for the man!" 165 00:11:14,969 --> 00:11:17,005 - Maybe that's your problem. - What? 166 00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:20,167 Maybe if you didn't play it so safe, Mr. Safety-Poo... 167 00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:23,162 ...you might meet a girl you could have fun with. 168 00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:27,208 This brilliant love advice comes from one who loves to play games with men. 169 00:11:27,289 --> 00:11:30,645 Always in control. That way, she never has to get too close. 170 00:11:31,289 --> 00:11:33,086 Nice manners, by the way. 171 00:11:37,049 --> 00:11:40,007 Where the hell did that guy... Jane? 172 00:11:40,849 --> 00:11:42,282 What's up with you? 173 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,529 Nothing. What's up with you? 174 00:11:48,089 --> 00:11:50,842 I can't believe he brought that bitch to our bar. 175 00:11:50,929 --> 00:11:54,638 - This is our bar. - Forget her, she's a skeev. 176 00:11:54,729 --> 00:11:57,846 - But is she prettier than me? - Of course not, you're beautiful. 177 00:11:57,929 --> 00:12:00,727 Oh, my God, you fucking bitch! 178 00:12:01,049 --> 00:12:02,767 I can't believe you grabbed his ass. 179 00:12:02,849 --> 00:12:06,364 He comes right into my face and starts telling me all this stupid stuff... 180 00:12:06,449 --> 00:12:10,727 ...about how I like to play games and be in control so I never get too close. 181 00:12:10,969 --> 00:12:12,880 Can you believe him? 182 00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:14,921 - What? - Nothing. 183 00:12:15,129 --> 00:12:18,599 - I've never seen you act like this before. - Act like what? 184 00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:20,003 They're fake. 185 00:12:20,089 --> 00:12:22,523 All bah-jiggity about some guy. 186 00:12:22,769 --> 00:12:24,248 - Bah-jiggity? - Yeah. 187 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,439 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. 188 00:12:26,649 --> 00:12:28,958 It's cool. It's why I got them. 189 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,483 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. 190 00:12:31,569 --> 00:12:33,161 They look real. 191 00:12:33,249 --> 00:12:35,240 Thank you. You can touch it if you want to. 192 00:12:35,329 --> 00:12:36,318 No. 193 00:12:36,529 --> 00:12:40,238 - Touch it. She likes it. - Go ahead. It feels real, huh? 194 00:12:40,329 --> 00:12:44,322 If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter, it's because you're telling me I am. 195 00:12:44,409 --> 00:12:47,048 - Oh, my God. - What? 196 00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:48,722 You've named the puppy. 197 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,720 - I did not. - You just called him Peter. 198 00:12:50,809 --> 00:12:53,448 - I did? - You've got to feel these things. 199 00:12:53,849 --> 00:12:56,283 I'm psychic and I knew his name was Peter. 200 00:12:57,289 --> 00:12:59,883 - Knock your socks off. - So soft. 201 00:13:00,009 --> 00:13:01,761 Un-fucking-believable. 202 00:13:02,209 --> 00:13:03,278 Fuck. 203 00:13:04,209 --> 00:13:06,040 I am so getting a pair. 204 00:13:06,129 --> 00:13:09,041 That's why chicks always go to the bathroom together. 205 00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:13,008 It's so obvious that you like this guy. Why are you being such a pussy about it? 206 00:13:13,089 --> 00:13:15,319 Why are you making such a big deal out of it? 207 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:18,765 If you haven't noticed, there's plenty of guys out there. 208 00:13:21,289 --> 00:13:22,563 See you later. 209 00:13:23,689 --> 00:13:27,079 - What's your problem? - What's your problem? 210 00:13:31,609 --> 00:13:32,724 - Hi. - Hi. 211 00:13:34,769 --> 00:13:35,918 Hey, Peter. 212 00:13:40,929 --> 00:13:43,363 - Eric! - Be right there. 213 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,844 You don't have to do this. 214 00:13:46,009 --> 00:13:49,843 I know, but I want to. I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another one? 215 00:13:50,169 --> 00:13:51,158 Okay. 216 00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:53,645 I want to apologize. 217 00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:57,404 I shouldn't have been impolite to your friend. If I was, I didn't mean to. 218 00:13:57,489 --> 00:14:02,005 My brother is waiting for me and I got nervous, I guess. I don't know. 219 00:14:02,129 --> 00:14:04,962 I mean, otherwise, I'd be all over your friend. 220 00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:09,282 I'm the one who should apologize. I was rude. 221 00:14:09,569 --> 00:14:13,721 No, I understand. You were protecting your friend. Anyone would've done that. 222 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,481 I thought that was sweet. 223 00:14:19,889 --> 00:14:21,368 Jesus. 224 00:14:21,809 --> 00:14:23,242 - We good now? - Yeah. 225 00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:24,364 Good. 226 00:14:24,969 --> 00:14:26,960 I should get back to my friends. 227 00:14:27,289 --> 00:14:28,324 Okay. 228 00:14:29,449 --> 00:14:30,962 Thanks for the drink. 229 00:14:31,089 --> 00:14:33,364 - Cheers. - Cheers. 230 00:14:35,009 --> 00:14:36,886 - Have a good night. - You, too. 231 00:14:44,289 --> 00:14:48,043 Can you take this? I'm a total loser. I just struck out with this guy. 232 00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:49,323 One more thing. 233 00:14:49,529 --> 00:14:53,727 Should I be upset that my ex-girlfriend has her tongue down that guy's throat? 234 00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:55,483 Oh, my God! 235 00:14:56,049 --> 00:14:58,438 - Jane! - I guess I blew my chance. 236 00:14:58,569 --> 00:15:01,959 - That could have been you. - If I wasn't such a dick. 237 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:06,518 - Was I really a dick? - Yeah. You were a dick. 238 00:15:07,369 --> 00:15:10,964 We should start over. Why don't I walk by, and you grab me like before? 239 00:15:11,049 --> 00:15:12,880 - I didn't grab you. - You grabbed me. 240 00:15:12,969 --> 00:15:14,925 You grabbed me right on the ass. 241 00:15:15,409 --> 00:15:17,604 I don't grab, okay? 242 00:15:17,689 --> 00:15:18,678 Pete! 243 00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:22,244 Excuse me. 244 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,878 Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting. 245 00:15:24,969 --> 00:15:28,803 After-hours party back at the hotel. These two pigs are good to go. 246 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:32,285 Did I mention that we have the Freddie Mercury Suite? 247 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:35,527 She puked on him! 248 00:15:35,609 --> 00:15:39,648 Again? God, she's like a hose. Go help her, please. 249 00:15:39,849 --> 00:15:40,964 Or not. 250 00:15:41,489 --> 00:15:44,208 She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick? 251 00:15:44,289 --> 00:15:46,883 - She is hot. Bring her. - What? 252 00:15:46,969 --> 00:15:50,484 Fuck me. You have so much... 253 00:15:50,609 --> 00:15:53,077 You've got to come. Let me tell you why. 254 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:57,044 You'll never find anyone better than my brother. He is the greatest... 255 00:15:57,129 --> 00:16:00,041 That hurts me. Just look at him. 256 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,769 Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now. 257 00:16:02,889 --> 00:16:06,120 He is the shit and that's why he's in my wedding on Saturday. 258 00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:07,483 - No. - Yes. 259 00:16:07,689 --> 00:16:09,998 - No. - Just trying to help out. 260 00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:12,238 'Bye!' 261 00:16:14,649 --> 00:16:19,086 Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402. You're invited, you're invited. 262 00:16:19,169 --> 00:16:20,807 All right, I'm leaving. 263 00:16:21,129 --> 00:16:23,689 - That's my brother. - He's special. 264 00:16:23,889 --> 00:16:26,562 Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me. 265 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,406 When is the wedding? 266 00:16:29,609 --> 00:16:32,567 Saturday afternoon up in Somerset. That's where we live. 267 00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:33,798 That's nice. 268 00:16:34,329 --> 00:16:36,240 Peter! It's looking like now. 269 00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:39,360 You're pinching my arm skin. 270 00:16:40,689 --> 00:16:43,408 I better go. But for real this time. 271 00:16:43,489 --> 00:16:46,879 - It was nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you. I had a great time. 272 00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:47,958 Me, too. 273 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:50,119 Come by the party if you want to. 274 00:16:50,769 --> 00:16:52,680 - Really? - Definitely. If you want to. 275 00:16:52,769 --> 00:16:55,124 I'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by. 276 00:16:55,209 --> 00:16:59,088 I really hope I see you. But in case I don't see you, have a nice life. 277 00:17:00,489 --> 00:17:01,558 You, too. 278 00:17:11,049 --> 00:17:14,439 Chris, it's Court I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy, 279 00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:17,521 I was checking in to see if you were listening to your messages, 280 00:17:17,609 --> 00:17:22,080 If you are, tha tmeans you were too chicken to hook up with Peter,,, 281 00:17:22,169 --> 00:17:26,720 ... which therefore means you are a loser, You are a loser, A... 282 00:17:26,969 --> 00:17:28,482 Thanks, Court. 283 00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:31,480 "I'm a hig loser," 284 00:17:31,769 --> 00:17:35,000 What's up, you hitches and hos and loseer? 285 00:17:42,489 --> 00:17:44,241 Too late now. 286 00:17:52,689 --> 00:17:54,725 He was kind of cute. 287 00:17:58,689 --> 00:17:59,917 Funny. 288 00:18:03,569 --> 00:18:05,161 Really funny. 289 00:18:08,649 --> 00:18:10,480 Cute boy. 290 00:18:32,369 --> 00:18:34,485 My God, you're so good at that. 291 00:18:34,689 --> 00:18:38,045 I'd like to do that every hour, on the hour, for the rest of our lives. 292 00:18:38,129 --> 00:18:40,245 - Of course, go ahead. - Thank you. 293 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:43,679 Don't worry about returning the favour. Men don't really like oral sex. 294 00:18:43,769 --> 00:18:44,804 Right. 295 00:18:44,889 --> 00:18:48,768 I'm serious. It's just a bad rumour that was started sometime in the '50s. 296 00:18:48,849 --> 00:18:51,921 I had no idea. I need to tell all my friends. 297 00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:56,042 Please, do. Someone needs to put an end to this madness. 298 00:19:00,929 --> 00:19:04,604 God, I'm so glad I came back to the hotel room. 299 00:19:05,329 --> 00:19:06,603 Me, too. 300 00:19:07,609 --> 00:19:09,964 I never thought I'd see you again. 301 00:19:12,769 --> 00:19:15,920 - Room service. - Right on time. 302 00:19:16,009 --> 00:19:18,807 - Ice cream? - Only the best for our VIPs. 303 00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:22,569 I had them remove all the calories for you. 304 00:19:23,849 --> 00:19:25,840 You are good. 305 00:19:26,129 --> 00:19:27,562 All right! 306 00:19:28,009 --> 00:19:31,479 I said I wanted to do it to you every hour, on the hour, but I can't wait. 307 00:19:31,569 --> 00:19:33,127 Can I do it agaln now? 308 00:19:34,889 --> 00:19:36,038 Okay. 309 00:20:19,129 --> 00:20:23,725 San Francisco, California, please, for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks. 310 00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:29,078 Great dream. 311 00:20:31,249 --> 00:20:35,640 Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite? 312 00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:40,079 Good. Can I have it? Thanks. 313 00:20:42,249 --> 00:20:43,284 Really? 314 00:20:43,889 --> 00:20:45,038 Already? 315 00:20:46,409 --> 00:20:48,559 Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. 316 00:20:52,969 --> 00:20:54,721 What am I even calling for? 317 00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:02,878 Hello? Hey, Court. 318 00:21:03,569 --> 00:21:04,558 Yeah. 319 00:21:21,769 --> 00:21:24,203 - Stop talking shit about me. - Where you been? 320 00:21:24,289 --> 00:21:28,646 Sorry I'm late. I don't want to talk about it. You ready? I'm starving. 321 00:21:29,569 --> 00:21:33,482 I'll meet you there. I have to drop something off at the dry cleaners. 322 00:21:33,569 --> 00:21:36,527 Can it wait, please? I'm so hungry right now. 323 00:21:36,609 --> 00:21:39,487 Isn't that Courtney's dress that you borrowed last night? 324 00:21:39,569 --> 00:21:40,638 Yeah. 325 00:21:40,729 --> 00:21:44,278 Why are you bringing it in? Did you get something on it? 326 00:21:45,249 --> 00:21:48,127 I'm trying to be a good girlfriend. 327 00:21:49,969 --> 00:21:52,563 - I'm really sorry. - You slut! 328 00:21:52,649 --> 00:21:54,321 - Is that what I think it is? - Guilty! 329 00:21:54,409 --> 00:21:57,207 I'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone. 330 00:21:57,289 --> 00:22:00,008 - That's a lot! - He was holding a lot! 331 00:22:00,129 --> 00:22:03,246 My God! What's this on your skirt? 332 00:22:03,329 --> 00:22:06,844 I am scared enough as it is to go in there. What am I going to say? 333 00:22:06,929 --> 00:22:10,365 "Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?" 334 00:22:13,449 --> 00:22:15,007 You know what? 335 00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:19,043 - You guys suck. - No, obviously you suck. 336 00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:21,927 - You suck. - You suck well. I'm proud. 337 00:22:25,409 --> 00:22:27,365 No spanky-wanky. 338 00:22:51,369 --> 00:22:52,438 Hey, Jane. 339 00:22:53,009 --> 00:22:55,159 - Hi, Mr. Martin. - How's your mother? 340 00:22:55,449 --> 00:22:58,600 - Great. She's good. Everyone's good. - Your grandmother? 341 00:22:59,689 --> 00:23:02,522 - Everyone's great. - That's fine. That's fine. 342 00:23:02,689 --> 00:23:04,042 What you got for me today? 343 00:23:04,129 --> 00:23:07,644 Just a dress, but I'll be back for it in a few days, so no hurry. 344 00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:10,124 - Any stains? - No. 345 00:23:11,089 --> 00:23:12,761 - What's this? - What? 346 00:23:13,209 --> 00:23:14,881 This. Come here. 347 00:23:16,049 --> 00:23:17,164 Stain? 348 00:23:17,249 --> 00:23:19,479 This is going to be a tough one. 349 00:23:22,049 --> 00:23:26,406 I didn't even notice that. I must have spilled some soda on me last night. 350 00:23:26,569 --> 00:23:30,801 No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think. 351 00:23:31,169 --> 00:23:34,957 If I know what it is, it's easier for me to remove. 352 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:41,439 The field trip. Come in, children. Come in. 353 00:23:43,049 --> 00:23:45,358 - Fuck. - Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin. 354 00:23:45,529 --> 00:23:47,008 Hi, Mr. Martin. 355 00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:52,839 On today's field trip, we are going to learn about cleanliness. 356 00:23:55,529 --> 00:23:56,803 Jane? 357 00:23:57,409 --> 00:23:59,047 Jane Burns! 358 00:23:59,129 --> 00:24:03,919 Sweetheart, I haven't seen you since I taught you in third grade! 359 00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:11,363 - Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin. - Hello, Father Flynn. 360 00:24:13,889 --> 00:24:18,121 As I live and breathe, isn't it... It is little Mary Jane Burns! 361 00:24:18,849 --> 00:24:22,319 What a coincidence! I'm having supper with your parents tonight. 362 00:24:22,569 --> 00:24:25,288 What a stain you got there, little Janie! 363 00:24:25,809 --> 00:24:27,288 So how was it? Was it fun? 364 00:24:27,369 --> 00:24:30,486 Oh, my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you this. 365 00:24:31,129 --> 00:24:34,644 Apparently, one of the guys who was at the party flipped out... 366 00:24:34,729 --> 00:24:38,244 ...was out on the balcony, screaming at the top of his lungs: 367 00:24:38,889 --> 00:24:43,644 "Christina! Has anyone seen my little Christina?" 368 00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:48,761 Then he jumps off and dies because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go? 369 00:24:48,889 --> 00:24:53,007 I don't know! I was going to. I was. I was going to, and then I wasn't. 370 00:24:53,129 --> 00:24:55,359 And then I called him at the hotel... 371 00:24:55,449 --> 00:24:59,124 Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second. You called him at the hotel? 372 00:25:00,929 --> 00:25:04,763 - What did he say? - Nothing. He said nothing. Okay? 373 00:25:04,969 --> 00:25:06,607 - Why? - He checked out already. 374 00:25:06,689 --> 00:25:09,442 Let's just sum this up real quickly. 375 00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:13,206 In the bathroom, we hate him, yet we call him by name. 376 00:25:13,849 --> 00:25:15,601 Then we throw beer on him. 377 00:25:15,969 --> 00:25:19,166 Then we laugh and we flirt and we dance with him. 378 00:25:19,689 --> 00:25:23,921 Then we casually call him at the hotel. Then we obsess about the casual call. 379 00:25:24,009 --> 00:25:27,240 Obsess? I'm not obsessing, okay? 380 00:25:27,809 --> 00:25:32,166 Could all this erratic behaviour be because this guy got under your skin? 381 00:25:32,249 --> 00:25:34,080 - No. - That you might really like him? 382 00:25:34,169 --> 00:25:37,957 That you regret not going because you'll never know what might've happened? 383 00:25:38,049 --> 00:25:40,802 No, I don't regret it, and if I had any regrets... 384 00:25:40,889 --> 00:25:44,245 ...it would be this conversation, right now, having it with you. 385 00:25:44,329 --> 00:25:47,162 - Can we drop it? - Okay. Sorry I brought it up. 386 00:25:47,249 --> 00:25:48,921 I won't mention it again. 387 00:25:52,689 --> 00:25:55,283 Even if I did regret not going to the party... 388 00:25:56,009 --> 00:25:58,762 ...it's not like I can do anything about it now. 389 00:25:59,129 --> 00:26:02,280 Sometimes you just have to let these things go, right? 390 00:26:02,449 --> 00:26:04,599 - Exactly. - Although... 391 00:26:05,409 --> 00:26:07,081 ...if there was regret... 392 00:26:07,729 --> 00:26:11,039 ...I suppose there's always something you could do about it. 393 00:26:13,289 --> 00:26:16,520 You could show up at his brother's wedding, because it is his brother. 394 00:26:16,609 --> 00:26:19,442 But that's only if you regretted it, which I don't regret it. 395 00:26:19,529 --> 00:26:23,317 I just don't regret it. Regret is such a waste of time. 396 00:26:23,769 --> 00:26:26,806 Honey will you just admit that you regret not going to this party. 397 00:26:26,889 --> 00:26:30,165 - Okay, fine I regret not going to this party. - You need to let it go. 398 00:26:30,249 --> 00:26:32,888 I'm letting it go. I'm over it. 399 00:26:33,129 --> 00:26:36,041 Hi, honey, how did it go? 400 00:26:36,329 --> 00:26:38,399 - Fine. No problem. - Good. 401 00:26:39,849 --> 00:26:41,601 Did we have fun last night? 402 00:26:43,209 --> 00:26:44,483 Yes, I did. It was great. 403 00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:47,129 You guys were right, a transition guy is what I needed. 404 00:26:47,209 --> 00:26:48,403 Good. 405 00:26:48,569 --> 00:26:50,287 So how was he, was he good? 406 00:26:50,369 --> 00:26:53,327 He was very sweet and complimentary. 407 00:26:54,009 --> 00:26:55,727 And very into pleasing me first. 408 00:26:55,809 --> 00:26:58,118 So how was girth? 409 00:26:58,929 --> 00:27:00,362 Averag-ish. 410 00:27:00,449 --> 00:27:03,919 "Averag-ish." That's good. So what did you tell him? 411 00:27:04,609 --> 00:27:06,042 What do you mean? 412 00:27:06,369 --> 00:27:08,929 What do we always tell them, no matter what? 413 00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:17,607 Oh, my God, your penis is so big. 414 00:27:17,689 --> 00:27:19,202 Good girl. 415 00:27:19,649 --> 00:27:22,288 Your penis is so thick. 416 00:27:24,089 --> 00:27:26,967 Your penis is just so pretty. 417 00:27:29,449 --> 00:27:33,158 You got a handsome dick! 418 00:27:34,569 --> 00:27:36,639 Your penis, it's so... 419 00:27:38,289 --> 00:27:39,404 ...hard. 420 00:27:39,489 --> 00:27:43,038 Your penis is just so large. 421 00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:46,360 My body is a movie... 422 00:27:46,609 --> 00:27:50,682 ...and your penis is the star! 423 00:27:53,689 --> 00:27:56,761 You're too big to fit in here. 424 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:59,887 Too big to fit in here. 425 00:28:00,009 --> 00:28:02,318 Too big to fit in here. 426 00:28:09,049 --> 00:28:13,600 "You're too big to fit in here" 427 00:28:17,849 --> 00:28:18,964 Oh, my God. 428 00:28:19,049 --> 00:28:22,121 Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now. 429 00:28:32,969 --> 00:28:34,800 "What a lovely ride 430 00:28:34,889 --> 00:28:36,766 "Your penis is a thrill 431 00:28:36,849 --> 00:28:38,680 "Your penis is a Cadillac 432 00:28:38,769 --> 00:28:40,361 A giant Coup de VIIle 433 00:28:40,729 --> 00:28:44,278 "Your penis packs a wallop Your penis brings a load 434 00:28:44,609 --> 00:28:48,682 "And when it makes a delivery It needs its own zip code 435 00:28:49,009 --> 00:28:50,727 - "Nine" - "Doublezero" 436 00:28:50,849 --> 00:28:51,838 "Penis" 437 00:28:51,929 --> 00:28:56,241 "You're too big to fit in here" 438 00:29:00,129 --> 00:29:04,520 "Your penis is so strong Your penis is so smooth" 439 00:29:04,609 --> 00:29:07,919 - "Your penis has got a rhythm" - "Your penis makes me groove" 440 00:29:08,009 --> 00:29:12,207 - "Your penis is a dream" - "The biggest one I've seen" 441 00:29:12,289 --> 00:29:14,007 "It's oozy and it's green" 442 00:29:16,049 --> 00:29:17,118 Sorry. 443 00:29:17,209 --> 00:29:21,680 "You're too big to fit in here" 444 00:29:25,129 --> 00:29:29,566 "You're too big to fit in here" 445 00:29:33,649 --> 00:29:37,403 "Your penis is so big Your penis is so thick" 446 00:29:37,489 --> 00:29:41,277 "Your penis is so pretty You got a handsome dick" 447 00:29:41,369 --> 00:29:45,157 "Your penis is so hard Your penis is so large" 448 00:29:45,369 --> 00:29:49,362 - "My body is a movie" - "And your penis is the star" 449 00:29:49,449 --> 00:29:51,804 "Starring your penis" 450 00:29:52,289 --> 00:29:56,407 "You're too big to fit in here" 451 00:30:35,569 --> 00:30:38,083 - Come on. - How much time we got? 452 00:30:38,169 --> 00:30:41,320 We've got three hours before the rehearsal. Hit the ball. 453 00:30:42,449 --> 00:30:44,565 - Good shot. - Fore! 454 00:30:44,649 --> 00:30:47,846 I'll shove that club up your ass, you dicklicker! 455 00:30:48,329 --> 00:30:50,718 - What are you up by, two? - I guess. 456 00:30:51,449 --> 00:30:53,804 It doesn't get any better than this. 457 00:30:53,889 --> 00:30:55,402 - To the marriage. - To the marriage. 458 00:30:55,489 --> 00:30:58,242 - To the bride. - To the bride. 459 00:30:59,249 --> 00:31:01,240 To 50 years with the same woman. 460 00:31:03,209 --> 00:31:04,881 That's really depressing. 461 00:31:05,769 --> 00:31:06,758 Sorry. 462 00:31:07,609 --> 00:31:09,088 Saggy tits. 463 00:31:09,769 --> 00:31:12,158 Be able to use them as a belt by then. 464 00:31:12,969 --> 00:31:15,278 - Or just tuck them in her socks. - Okay. 465 00:31:16,929 --> 00:31:21,957 God, this marriage is such a big leap. It's really intense, Pete. 466 00:31:22,129 --> 00:31:25,360 - But if it's the right woman... - I guess. 467 00:31:27,849 --> 00:31:29,919 Get up a little. Yes. Fore! 468 00:31:30,369 --> 00:31:33,884 You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me! 469 00:31:33,969 --> 00:31:35,925 You're driving right into them. 470 00:31:36,129 --> 00:31:39,041 I hear John is still AWOL from that bachelor party. 471 00:31:39,129 --> 00:31:43,407 He showed up, missing an eyebrow, with a tattoo on his ass that says "Bitch." 472 00:31:44,449 --> 00:31:47,600 - I am not an animal! - Very good. 473 00:31:48,689 --> 00:31:50,247 Speaking of bitches... 474 00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:53,840 ...what was going on with you at the club with that hottle? 475 00:31:54,849 --> 00:31:56,567 - Nothing. - I mean, Jesus! 476 00:31:56,649 --> 00:31:58,924 I don't know what you're talking about. 477 00:31:59,009 --> 00:32:01,239 - I think you liked her. - No, I didn't. 478 00:32:01,489 --> 00:32:03,684 Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me. 479 00:32:03,929 --> 00:32:07,239 Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke. 480 00:32:12,369 --> 00:32:14,837 I could see it in your eyes you liked her. 481 00:32:17,569 --> 00:32:19,525 Nothing I can do about it now. 482 00:32:20,009 --> 00:32:23,399 Should have poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance. 483 00:32:23,689 --> 00:32:25,168 What's that, Gramps? 484 00:32:25,849 --> 00:32:28,158 I met this hot young dish... 485 00:32:28,249 --> 00:32:31,844 ...at the World's Fair back in 1940. 486 00:32:32,169 --> 00:32:36,242 Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven. 487 00:32:36,649 --> 00:32:38,719 I bet you really miss Grandma. 488 00:32:40,969 --> 00:32:42,448 Fuck Grandma. 489 00:32:42,529 --> 00:32:44,406 It's Pearl I'm talking about. 490 00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:49,967 She was the love of my life. Don't ever let these moments pass you by. 491 00:32:54,809 --> 00:32:56,128 Fucking Grandma. 492 00:32:57,209 --> 00:32:58,278 Be nice. 493 00:33:00,969 --> 00:33:02,527 Come on. 7-6. 494 00:33:06,289 --> 00:33:07,688 Fore! 495 00:33:25,969 --> 00:33:27,880 You suck! 496 00:33:28,449 --> 00:33:29,518 Damn it! 497 00:33:29,609 --> 00:33:32,567 - But you smell so minty fresh now. - What do you want? 498 00:33:33,249 --> 00:33:35,638 I need to borrow your black Gucci bag. 499 00:33:37,049 --> 00:33:38,528 It's in the living room. 500 00:33:38,609 --> 00:33:42,238 I don't know where in the living room, and I don't feel like looking for it. 501 00:33:42,329 --> 00:33:45,446 Will you help me find it, please? Come on, please. 502 00:33:45,529 --> 00:33:48,566 Since I'm up now, and you decided to torture me... 503 00:33:48,649 --> 00:33:50,321 ...I'll go and get it. 504 00:33:52,169 --> 00:33:54,239 I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me. 505 00:33:55,329 --> 00:33:57,604 Can you tell me where the bathroom is? 506 00:33:58,169 --> 00:34:00,046 - Behind you. - Over here? 507 00:34:05,489 --> 00:34:06,683 Thanks. 508 00:34:07,009 --> 00:34:08,283 Oh, my... 509 00:34:08,689 --> 00:34:09,963 ...cock. 510 00:34:10,049 --> 00:34:11,687 Oh, my cock. 511 00:34:19,009 --> 00:34:20,522 Do you have any Advil? 512 00:34:24,689 --> 00:34:27,761 He is so cute. So stupid. 513 00:34:31,289 --> 00:34:33,359 Can I get that purse now, please? 514 00:34:33,609 --> 00:34:35,645 Yes, you can have the purse. 515 00:34:36,369 --> 00:34:37,927 Here's the purse. 516 00:34:38,009 --> 00:34:39,965 Thank you very much. 517 00:34:43,809 --> 00:34:46,881 - Where are you going? - You and I are going to a wedding. 518 00:34:47,569 --> 00:34:51,482 - What wedding? Who's getting married? - We're going to Peter's brother's wedding. 519 00:34:51,569 --> 00:34:52,604 Peter? 520 00:34:52,689 --> 00:34:55,999 This Somerset place where they live is some small freak-ass town... 521 00:34:56,089 --> 00:35:00,128 ...three hours north, so we have to get on the road now to make it on time. 522 00:35:00,209 --> 00:35:01,961 - Peter. - What? 523 00:35:03,489 --> 00:35:05,400 I'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding! 524 00:35:05,489 --> 00:35:10,199 What are you talking about? Yesterday, you said you wanted to go, so I went... 525 00:35:11,169 --> 00:35:13,729 - I was joking. - No, you weren't. 526 00:35:14,969 --> 00:35:16,038 Yes, I was. 527 00:35:16,969 --> 00:35:20,325 Fifty percent of what people say when they're joking is true. 528 00:35:20,489 --> 00:35:24,243 Which means you do want to go, but you're too afraid to admit it. 529 00:35:24,369 --> 00:35:28,123 So by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want... 530 00:35:28,209 --> 00:35:30,006 ...without being vulnerable. 531 00:35:30,089 --> 00:35:31,807 - Right? - Maybe. 532 00:35:32,209 --> 00:35:35,724 Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00. I refuse to be late. 533 00:35:36,089 --> 00:35:38,398 Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you. 534 00:35:39,769 --> 00:35:41,600 - That was a nice one. - Thanks. 535 00:35:55,049 --> 00:35:57,847 - Watch the road, sweetie! - I am watching the road. 536 00:35:58,449 --> 00:36:00,724 Once we get off the 140... 537 00:36:00,809 --> 00:36:04,518 ...we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit. 538 00:36:04,889 --> 00:36:08,040 We'll drive around and we should find the church, no problem. 539 00:36:08,129 --> 00:36:09,118 Ta-da! 540 00:36:13,929 --> 00:36:16,079 - What is that? - What is what? 541 00:36:16,369 --> 00:36:19,679 - You don't smell that? - What? I don't smell anything. 542 00:36:19,929 --> 00:36:23,080 - You're used to it. That's what's scary. - I don't smell anything. 543 00:36:23,169 --> 00:36:26,479 It smells like mouldy ass, is what it smells like in here. 544 00:36:26,809 --> 00:36:29,846 Come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back. 545 00:36:29,929 --> 00:36:31,885 - You did? - About a week ago. 546 00:36:31,969 --> 00:36:35,723 It must be the ass. No, no. Sit down. 547 00:36:42,169 --> 00:36:44,046 - What are you doing? - Jesus, Courtney. 548 00:36:44,129 --> 00:36:46,723 What is all this crap? 549 00:36:47,049 --> 00:36:49,802 Don't throw out anything I might need. 550 00:36:50,249 --> 00:36:54,128 Where is it coming from? Where? I can still smell it. 551 00:36:55,129 --> 00:36:58,166 Maybe it's you. Did something crawl up your poon-nonny? 552 00:36:59,489 --> 00:37:03,880 I have never, ever had any complaints in the poon-nonny odour department. 553 00:37:03,969 --> 00:37:07,723 - You know what? Neither have I. - High five on the clean poon-nonny. 554 00:37:08,209 --> 00:37:09,278 Bitch. 555 00:37:11,329 --> 00:37:12,364 What? 556 00:37:12,849 --> 00:37:14,521 - What is this? - What is what? 557 00:37:14,609 --> 00:37:15,803 What is this? 558 00:37:15,889 --> 00:37:18,801 Jesus, I don't know. I don't know how long it's been in here. 559 00:37:18,889 --> 00:37:20,447 What is in here? 560 00:37:25,369 --> 00:37:28,486 No! That is not okay. 561 00:37:28,569 --> 00:37:32,198 It isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig. Do you understand? 562 00:37:32,289 --> 00:37:34,519 There was maggots on that flesh. 563 00:37:41,689 --> 00:37:43,998 I got maggot juice all over me. 564 00:37:44,809 --> 00:37:46,288 Ladies' room. 565 00:37:46,889 --> 00:37:48,288 Ladies' room. 566 00:37:50,409 --> 00:37:52,445 - Someone's in here. - Sorry. 567 00:37:52,649 --> 00:37:54,958 - It might be a while. - How long? 568 00:37:55,249 --> 00:37:56,841 Let me put it to you this way: 569 00:37:56,929 --> 00:38:00,205 I had lamb curry last night and I'm shittlng out a Buick. 570 00:38:02,489 --> 00:38:04,369 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 571 00:38:04,369 --> 00:38:05,199 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 572 00:38:08,329 --> 00:38:09,557 Hello? 573 00:38:11,769 --> 00:38:12,963 Clear? 574 00:38:16,889 --> 00:38:19,164 I feel like I have maggots all over me. 575 00:38:19,889 --> 00:38:23,404 Don't move. You have a maggot right here. 576 00:38:25,089 --> 00:38:26,283 Stop it. 577 00:38:26,769 --> 00:38:29,044 I'm going to pee my pants. 578 00:38:29,529 --> 00:38:31,281 I'll just use the urinal. 579 00:38:33,129 --> 00:38:35,040 You want to hear some poetry? 580 00:38:35,169 --> 00:38:38,366 "There once was a man from Bandoo Who fell asleep in a canoe" 581 00:38:38,449 --> 00:38:41,202 "He dreamed of Venus And played with his penis" 582 00:38:41,329 --> 00:38:43,889 "And woke up with a handful of goo" 583 00:38:44,929 --> 00:38:46,647 Don't make me laugh! 584 00:38:47,209 --> 00:38:49,325 Darn it. I think I peed on myself. 585 00:38:50,889 --> 00:38:53,278 "Follow the yellow brick road"? 586 00:38:54,569 --> 00:38:58,721 I'm following the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. 587 00:39:01,409 --> 00:39:06,324 Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy. Hello, girl. 588 00:39:08,089 --> 00:39:12,082 - Oh, my God, it's on my hands! - Good girl. What you got in here? 589 00:39:13,529 --> 00:39:15,679 What you got? What's in your mouth? 590 00:39:16,809 --> 00:39:18,367 What you got in there? 591 00:39:20,889 --> 00:39:22,208 What's in there? 592 00:39:22,849 --> 00:39:24,043 Surprise! 593 00:39:35,169 --> 00:39:36,284 Goddamn it. 594 00:39:36,369 --> 00:39:39,725 How could you not know what a glory hole is? 595 00:39:39,809 --> 00:39:42,039 Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe... 596 00:39:42,129 --> 00:39:45,963 ...I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. 597 00:39:46,129 --> 00:39:50,407 Goddamn. That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. 598 00:39:50,529 --> 00:39:55,728 I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye. 599 00:39:55,809 --> 00:39:59,802 I'm glad you find it so fucking amusing. I really do. 600 00:39:59,889 --> 00:40:03,768 Could you please have some compassion? Because I could go blind. 601 00:40:03,849 --> 00:40:05,840 You're not going to go blind. 602 00:40:06,729 --> 00:40:10,358 - Let me look at it. - I mean, I got a penis in my eye. 603 00:40:12,009 --> 00:40:13,647 Let me see. Let me see. 604 00:40:15,449 --> 00:40:16,484 All right. 605 00:40:16,569 --> 00:40:18,560 - Is it okay? - Yeah, it's okay. 606 00:40:20,409 --> 00:40:22,047 But I think you're pregnant. 607 00:40:22,129 --> 00:40:25,087 Would you please stop it, already? 608 00:40:27,889 --> 00:40:30,687 Re-dress the mannequins and check the sock inventory. 609 00:40:30,769 --> 00:40:33,920 Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here, and Mr. Mooney... 610 00:40:34,009 --> 00:40:38,082 Mr. Mooney is off salling with his boytoy, which leaves me in charge of the store. 611 00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:40,080 Somebody needs to get some. 612 00:40:50,969 --> 00:40:52,721 There's my dirty girl! 613 00:40:55,649 --> 00:40:57,640 It's me, baby. It's me. 614 00:40:59,369 --> 00:41:03,601 - Why are you dressed like that? - It's my job. I work at a children's hospital. 615 00:41:08,289 --> 00:41:09,847 You look so cute. 616 00:41:11,489 --> 00:41:13,764 - I'm horny. - Me, too. 617 00:41:20,489 --> 00:41:22,400 - You'll laugh at this one. - What? 618 00:41:22,489 --> 00:41:26,323 You know I sald I had to do laundry today, because I ran out of clean underwear? 619 00:41:26,409 --> 00:41:30,243 - I've only got the skanky ones left. - Tell me about it, dude. 620 00:41:32,649 --> 00:41:34,640 You are so unbelievable. 621 00:41:37,529 --> 00:41:40,566 Is that what I think it is? 622 00:41:40,729 --> 00:41:44,927 - Spring break, 1994, baby. - Turn it up. 623 00:42:17,569 --> 00:42:19,560 - Oh, my God! Brain. - Jane! 624 00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:22,797 You and I are so awesome together. 625 00:42:22,969 --> 00:42:24,880 We're like two peas in a pod. 626 00:42:24,969 --> 00:42:27,119 - Like oil and vinegar... - Shut up. 627 00:42:27,649 --> 00:42:29,879 I can't believe I'm fucking a purple elephant. 628 00:42:30,449 --> 00:42:33,998 What do you mean, she's not here? We have customers, missy. 629 00:42:34,449 --> 00:42:36,724 Sorry, Mr. Mooney. I'll check upstairs. 630 00:42:36,809 --> 00:42:39,767 I'm gone for one day, the place turns into Indonesia. 631 00:42:43,129 --> 00:42:44,118 Jane? 632 00:42:48,449 --> 00:42:50,838 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 633 00:42:50,929 --> 00:42:52,681 - What is going on? - Nothing. 634 00:42:53,209 --> 00:42:57,441 I'm frantic. I've a million things to do. And I'm dizzy. I'm so dizzy. 635 00:42:57,569 --> 00:43:00,925 Mr. Mooney is downstalrs, and he is P-I-S-E-D. 636 00:43:02,049 --> 00:43:03,038 "Pised"? 637 00:43:13,009 --> 00:43:16,160 - Where have you been? - I was upstalrs taking inventory. 638 00:43:16,609 --> 00:43:18,759 Yeah, my aunt Fanny. 639 00:43:20,209 --> 00:43:22,484 - Gallini's. -Hello, is Jane there? 640 00:43:23,009 --> 00:43:25,728 - Yes, she is. -Have a lovely day, 641 00:43:28,089 --> 00:43:30,080 - Hello? -Janie! 642 00:43:32,209 --> 00:43:34,962 Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm really busy. 643 00:43:35,049 --> 00:43:36,448 We were wondering: 644 00:43:42,969 --> 00:43:43,958 Shit. 645 00:44:02,689 --> 00:44:04,042 Oh, shit. 646 00:44:04,369 --> 00:44:07,805 I dropped the thingy to my lip gloss. Could you get it for me? 647 00:44:08,249 --> 00:44:09,364 I'll get it. 648 00:44:12,049 --> 00:44:14,199 It's too far over. I'll get it. 649 00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:17,083 Hold on to it. Keep steering. 650 00:44:17,169 --> 00:44:18,807 I got it. Don't worry. 651 00:44:20,729 --> 00:44:22,048 Beneath the... 652 00:44:33,529 --> 00:44:34,757 Yeah, baby! 653 00:44:40,649 --> 00:44:43,880 - Oh, yeah, right there. - No, that's not it. 654 00:44:44,209 --> 00:44:45,688 You like that? 655 00:44:48,529 --> 00:44:51,043 Yeah. Let me have some of that. 656 00:44:51,129 --> 00:44:53,802 - Oh, yeah. Don't stop. - I'm not going to stop. 657 00:45:20,329 --> 00:45:23,605 I found it. I almost got smothered down there. 658 00:45:23,889 --> 00:45:24,958 Shit. 659 00:45:25,049 --> 00:45:26,243 Are you okay? 660 00:45:27,969 --> 00:45:31,518 - You good? - Yeah, I'm good. Never better. 661 00:45:31,769 --> 00:45:36,001 Let's get on the same page about what we'll say. Game plan. 662 00:45:36,489 --> 00:45:40,243 Walk up to him and be like, "Peter, is that you?" 663 00:45:40,329 --> 00:45:44,766 "My friend Courtney, that hot babe?" She and I went to college with the bride. 664 00:45:44,849 --> 00:45:48,762 "That is unbelievable. I can't believe that. It's unbelievable. 665 00:45:48,849 --> 00:45:49,918 "Freaky." 666 00:46:20,289 --> 00:46:22,007 Afternoon. 667 00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:31,288 - Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us. - Plenty of crap. 668 00:46:31,369 --> 00:46:34,042 - We don't have time for this. - Okay, let's go. 669 00:46:34,849 --> 00:46:39,525 - Welcome to my store. Can I help you? - No, we were just browsing. Thank you. 670 00:46:41,969 --> 00:46:43,880 You don't like my store, do you? 671 00:46:43,969 --> 00:46:47,484 No, that's not it at all. It's really a lovely store. 672 00:46:47,569 --> 00:46:49,958 We were looking for something... 673 00:46:50,609 --> 00:46:54,079 The next dress store is 20 miles from here. 674 00:46:54,169 --> 00:46:55,363 20 miles away? 675 00:46:57,089 --> 00:46:59,762 - We'll miss the wedding. - Judy Webb's wedding? 676 00:47:00,449 --> 00:47:03,088 I know all about it. I dressed half the guests! 677 00:47:03,889 --> 00:47:05,925 When I was 22... 678 00:47:06,289 --> 00:47:09,679 ...my breastices were, like, right about there. 679 00:47:10,449 --> 00:47:11,928 Nice and perky. 680 00:47:12,089 --> 00:47:14,808 Gravity has taken them to there. 681 00:47:15,449 --> 00:47:17,917 It's like, 22, 28. 682 00:47:18,649 --> 00:47:20,958 22, 28. 683 00:47:21,289 --> 00:47:23,280 Buy some new ones. 684 00:47:24,369 --> 00:47:28,248 O>kay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this? 685 00:47:30,209 --> 00:47:35,078 - What is that, though? - That, again, is gravity. 686 00:47:36,209 --> 00:47:39,565 - Knock, knock. Are you decent? - Yeah. 687 00:47:40,329 --> 00:47:43,719 You're going to love this stuff. It's our latest line. 688 00:47:43,849 --> 00:47:46,807 If you need other sizes, just holler. 689 00:47:46,889 --> 00:47:48,447 Thank you, Vera. 690 00:47:50,169 --> 00:47:51,397 Excellent. 691 00:47:52,169 --> 00:47:53,522 Jesus. 692 00:47:54,129 --> 00:47:56,404 - Look. - That's nice. 693 00:47:56,529 --> 00:48:01,125 Wait a minute. Do we have time for a movie montage? 694 00:48:01,689 --> 00:48:03,202 Well, you know... 695 00:49:03,569 --> 00:49:06,402 - Thank you so much. - You look sensational. 696 00:49:06,689 --> 00:49:08,520 Thanks to your styling, Vera. 697 00:49:08,609 --> 00:49:09,598 Thank you. 698 00:49:09,689 --> 00:49:11,884 Would you like to be on our mailing list? 699 00:49:11,969 --> 00:49:14,529 Sure. Right here? 700 00:49:19,689 --> 00:49:21,884 Just send it there. 701 00:49:22,169 --> 00:49:24,205 That's sweet. 702 00:49:25,049 --> 00:49:28,200 It sure is. Thank you. Bye. 703 00:49:28,489 --> 00:49:31,925 - We've got to go. - Oh, my God. I can't walk in this thing. 704 00:49:32,289 --> 00:49:34,280 - Take little steps. - Bondage. 705 00:49:34,609 --> 00:49:36,918 We don't have time, sweetie. 706 00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:39,798 My God! 707 00:49:42,689 --> 00:49:43,883 Oh, my God. 708 00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:47,043 These are the days of our lives. 709 00:49:49,129 --> 00:49:52,280 - This is not discreet. - No, it isn't. 710 00:49:52,369 --> 00:49:56,248 - We can't walk into a wedding... - Come on. It's very LaToya Jackson. 711 00:49:58,289 --> 00:50:00,803 I mean, really. Look at all this... 712 00:50:00,889 --> 00:50:04,359 I may as well strap a sign on my ass that says "stalker." 713 00:50:05,769 --> 00:50:09,842 I'm not going there wearing this outfit. Can we please just go? 714 00:50:09,929 --> 00:50:12,204 - Yes. Let's go home. - Really? 715 00:50:13,849 --> 00:50:17,524 We've driven for three and a half hours and everything. 716 00:50:17,609 --> 00:50:19,839 - But, no, let's go. - Please. 717 00:50:20,009 --> 00:50:23,558 - Really. Let's go. - Don't reverse psychology me right now. 718 00:50:23,649 --> 00:50:25,446 I'm not reverse psychologing you. 719 00:50:25,529 --> 00:50:28,885 You're so good at it, you don't know you're doing it anymore. 720 00:50:29,769 --> 00:50:31,327 All right, maybe a little bit. 721 00:50:31,409 --> 00:50:35,527 - Court, this is crazy. Really crazy. - What the hell were we thinking? 722 00:50:36,169 --> 00:50:38,478 I wish there were some sign from God... 723 00:50:38,569 --> 00:50:41,242 ...that you and Peter Donahue should be together. 724 00:50:41,329 --> 00:50:44,321 How do you know his last name is Donahue? 725 00:50:44,449 --> 00:50:46,565 Because you're sitting on his face. 726 00:50:49,769 --> 00:50:52,602 - My God, it's him! He's so cute! - Yeah, I know. 727 00:50:52,769 --> 00:50:54,487 Cute? He's adorable! 728 00:50:54,609 --> 00:50:57,567 And look at this. "Everything he touches turns to sold." 729 00:50:57,649 --> 00:51:01,119 - He's funny! He's funny, too. See? - I know. 730 00:51:04,289 --> 00:51:05,483 Church bells. 731 00:51:29,449 --> 00:51:31,599 What do you think? Bride or groom's side? 732 00:51:31,689 --> 00:51:33,839 I have to go to the bathroom, I think. 733 00:51:33,929 --> 00:51:38,400 - Did you misplace your bladder today? - I'm wearing the tightest skirt ever. 734 00:51:38,489 --> 00:51:40,719 Go to the bathroom. I'll find seats. 735 00:51:41,449 --> 00:51:44,839 - Could you tell me where the restroom is? - It's right outside. 736 00:51:54,769 --> 00:51:55,997 Hello? 737 00:52:01,729 --> 00:52:03,765 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I can't breathe. 738 00:52:03,849 --> 00:52:07,637 Really? Okay. Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay. 739 00:52:08,289 --> 00:52:09,483 Are you okay? 740 00:52:10,409 --> 00:52:12,969 - You'll be fine. You'll be okay. - Water! 741 00:52:15,409 --> 00:52:16,478 Okay. 742 00:52:17,209 --> 00:52:20,440 - Thank you. - I'll leave you alone for a second, okay? 743 00:52:22,129 --> 00:52:24,563 - Judy! - In a minute, Dad. 744 00:52:30,089 --> 00:52:33,923 I don't want to go in the deep end. I don't want to go in the deep end! 745 00:52:36,409 --> 00:52:37,444 Flowers! 746 00:52:40,009 --> 00:52:42,045 I look like a magazine bride! 747 00:52:42,129 --> 00:52:46,168 No, you don't. You look really beautiful. Like the perfect bride. 748 00:52:46,249 --> 00:52:48,205 Why don't I feel good? 749 00:52:49,249 --> 00:52:52,764 I'm sure that you're just really nervous. It's a big day, right? 750 00:52:53,009 --> 00:52:55,239 It's what every girl dreams of, but... 751 00:52:56,489 --> 00:52:58,366 ...how do you know it's real? 752 00:52:59,129 --> 00:53:02,678 I don't know. I can't answer that for you, really. 753 00:53:02,929 --> 00:53:06,080 But I'm sure the two of you will be really happy together. 754 00:53:07,329 --> 00:53:10,560 And if you're not, you can always just get divorced. 755 00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:14,203 - Yeah! - Yeah, see? It'll be okay. 756 00:53:14,289 --> 00:53:16,166 Right. You're so right. 757 00:53:16,369 --> 00:53:19,759 So just get yourself together. You look smashing. 758 00:53:19,889 --> 00:53:21,800 - I look beautiful! - You look amazing! 759 00:53:21,889 --> 00:53:24,847 - I look beautiful. - You do. Amazing. 760 00:53:25,689 --> 00:53:27,759 - Now, get off my dress. - I'm sorry. 761 00:53:29,129 --> 00:53:30,608 I'm getting married! 762 00:53:36,969 --> 00:53:38,038 Hi. 763 00:53:53,489 --> 00:53:56,322 - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 764 00:53:59,129 --> 00:54:00,323 Where is she? 765 00:54:15,529 --> 00:54:17,008 Turn around. 766 00:54:27,849 --> 00:54:29,965 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 767 00:54:32,329 --> 00:54:34,718 Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. 768 00:54:40,929 --> 00:54:42,885 Okay, boys. We're on. 769 00:54:43,689 --> 00:54:46,522 - All right. Straight? - Big moment. 770 00:54:46,609 --> 00:54:48,645 - You look nice, too. - Don't stress. 771 00:54:49,049 --> 00:54:50,846 A little slap. Slap me. 772 00:54:52,129 --> 00:54:56,600 Don't be gay in God's house. Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it. 773 00:55:00,169 --> 00:55:01,443 Shit. 774 00:55:11,809 --> 00:55:12,958 Chris? 775 00:55:14,609 --> 00:55:16,964 - I'm okay. - My God! Honey, are you okay? 776 00:55:17,049 --> 00:55:20,519 - What are you doing? - I got locked in. 777 00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:22,406 - You all right? - Yeah. 778 00:55:24,489 --> 00:55:26,081 - You okay? - Yeah, I'm good. 779 00:55:26,169 --> 00:55:29,798 We don't have to lie anymore because I made friends with the bride. 780 00:55:34,929 --> 00:55:37,966 No. You cannot lock the door. Goddamn it! 781 00:55:38,049 --> 00:55:39,721 Hello! 782 00:55:44,769 --> 00:55:46,043 Oh, please, God. 783 00:55:50,289 --> 00:55:51,802 Suki, suki! 784 00:55:57,689 --> 00:55:59,361 It's already started. 785 00:56:07,009 --> 00:56:08,647 I bet you miss Grandma. 786 00:56:09,729 --> 00:56:14,041 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 787 00:56:14,809 --> 00:56:17,448 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony... 788 00:56:18,009 --> 00:56:19,920 ...of Judith Katherine Webb... 789 00:56:20,489 --> 00:56:22,639 ...and Peter Donahue. 790 00:56:22,929 --> 00:56:24,078 Peter? 791 00:56:25,969 --> 00:56:27,925 Jesus Christ! 792 00:56:28,569 --> 00:56:30,127 Peter? Shit! 793 00:56:32,289 --> 00:56:33,404 She did it. 794 00:56:36,969 --> 00:56:40,928 This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it? 795 00:56:42,249 --> 00:56:45,525 - Moishe, are you here? No? - Come on, Sharon, let's go. 796 00:56:45,689 --> 00:56:46,804 Mazel tov. 797 00:56:46,889 --> 00:56:48,402 - Christina? - The hottie. 798 00:56:48,489 --> 00:56:49,604 Shalom! 799 00:56:54,969 --> 00:56:57,437 That's the strangest thing I've ever seen. 800 00:56:57,569 --> 00:56:59,480 There are no Jews in Somerset. 801 00:57:01,569 --> 00:57:03,525 Shit. Shit. Shit. 802 00:57:04,329 --> 00:57:06,126 - Shall we proceed? - Sure. 803 00:57:10,369 --> 00:57:12,564 Dearly beloved... 804 00:57:13,009 --> 00:57:15,204 ...we are gathered here today... 805 00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:19,159 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony... 806 00:57:19,529 --> 00:57:24,205 ...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue. 807 00:57:28,329 --> 00:57:30,445 Which is an honourable estate... 808 00:57:31,129 --> 00:57:34,280 ...instituted of God, signifying... 809 00:57:34,409 --> 00:57:36,525 ...unto us the mystical union... 810 00:57:37,049 --> 00:57:39,165 ...that is between Christ... 811 00:57:40,009 --> 00:57:41,488 ...and... - Peter. 812 00:57:41,729 --> 00:57:42,957 ...Saint... 813 00:57:47,809 --> 00:57:50,687 - I'm having reservations. - Where? 814 00:57:50,849 --> 00:57:52,282 And is commanded... 815 00:57:52,409 --> 00:57:53,478 About this. 816 00:57:53,569 --> 00:57:54,843 - Really? - Yeah. 817 00:57:58,449 --> 00:57:59,768 ...of Saint Paul... 818 00:57:59,849 --> 00:58:01,487 - Me, too. - Really? 819 00:58:01,809 --> 00:58:02,924 Yep. 820 00:58:07,129 --> 00:58:10,678 And therefore, is not by any to be entered... 821 00:58:10,769 --> 00:58:14,364 - I mean, I love you. - But I'm not in love bwith you. 822 00:58:14,729 --> 00:58:15,844 ...lightly. 823 00:58:15,929 --> 00:58:17,078 Anymore! 824 00:58:17,969 --> 00:58:19,641 - You're ruining it. - But... 825 00:58:19,729 --> 00:58:21,208 We're still friends. 826 00:58:23,769 --> 00:58:27,000 - I don'twant to get married. - I don'twant to get married. 827 00:58:27,769 --> 00:58:31,318 No. No kiss. I haven't married you yet. 828 00:58:32,489 --> 00:58:34,286 We're not getting married! 829 00:58:36,969 --> 00:58:38,118 Miguel? 830 00:58:40,009 --> 00:58:41,078 Dad! 831 00:58:41,409 --> 00:58:45,766 Butwe are having the party. Exit in the back. It's to the left. 832 00:59:11,809 --> 00:59:13,959 - How you doing? - Okay. Are you okay? 833 00:59:14,049 --> 00:59:15,687 Yeah, no. I'm okay. 834 00:59:15,769 --> 00:59:18,727 - You ower me $30,000 for this wedding. - Daddy, please. 835 00:59:19,489 --> 00:59:22,003 - You know what I'm thinking of doing? - What's that? 836 00:59:22,089 --> 00:59:26,685 I'll cash in the honeymoon tickets, fly to Bali, and go scuba diving. 837 00:59:26,769 --> 00:59:29,886 - I'll rip your face off, peckerhead. - Daddy, stop. 838 00:59:30,849 --> 00:59:32,123 - Sweetie? - Yes? 839 00:59:32,209 --> 00:59:35,963 - I have a confession to make. - I have a confession to make. You're dead. 840 00:59:36,049 --> 00:59:39,246 Dad. I met someone. 841 00:59:39,529 --> 00:59:41,599 - You met someone. - Online. 842 00:59:41,929 --> 00:59:42,918 Online. 843 00:59:46,569 --> 00:59:49,322 His name is Ricky. I think he's really special. 844 00:59:49,449 --> 00:59:52,600 Fuck it! It's go time! Son of a bitch! 845 00:59:53,369 --> 00:59:54,688 Daddy, stop it! 846 01:00:09,049 --> 01:00:12,519 Refresh my memory. Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on? 847 01:00:15,129 --> 01:00:17,962 - Yeah. - That's what I thought. 848 01:00:21,329 --> 01:00:22,967 I'm such an idiot. 849 01:00:24,529 --> 01:00:25,757 No, you're not. 850 01:00:26,329 --> 01:00:28,797 I meet a guy for two minutes... 851 01:00:28,889 --> 01:00:33,201 ...and I'm chasing after him like he's something special. 852 01:00:35,529 --> 01:00:38,327 Maybe you want someone special for once. 853 01:00:40,409 --> 01:00:43,924 Maybe you were thinking that you were tired of the game. 854 01:00:48,809 --> 01:00:50,527 Are you tired of the game? 855 01:00:52,809 --> 01:00:53,844 Yep. 856 01:00:56,849 --> 01:00:58,043 Let's go home. 857 01:00:59,089 --> 01:01:00,078 Okay. 858 01:01:16,969 --> 01:01:19,005 My God! What's going on? 859 01:01:19,489 --> 01:01:20,922 Excuse me, Officer? 860 01:01:21,409 --> 01:01:22,922 What's going on here? 861 01:01:23,129 --> 01:01:26,883 Twenty years on the force and I've never seen something so horrible. 862 01:01:27,569 --> 01:01:29,958 - What? Where? - Where's the emergency? 863 01:01:30,089 --> 01:01:31,363 Apartment three. 864 01:01:32,049 --> 01:01:33,880 - That's my apartment! - Jane. 865 01:01:36,489 --> 01:01:38,207 Poor girl. Never saw it coming. 866 01:01:39,329 --> 01:01:41,081 Excuse me. 867 01:01:42,209 --> 01:01:45,042 - Goddamn dress! - Don't go in. It's not a pretty sight. 868 01:01:45,129 --> 01:01:46,562 I live here! 869 01:01:55,449 --> 01:01:58,680 - Apparently, they're stuck. - What do you mean? 870 01:01:59,729 --> 01:02:01,128 Are you okay? 871 01:02:02,889 --> 01:02:04,800 How are you stuck? 872 01:02:05,049 --> 01:02:06,448 I have a piercing. 873 01:02:07,689 --> 01:02:10,761 - I don't get it. How is she stuck? - Behind her tonsils. 874 01:02:11,289 --> 01:02:13,200 How the hell do you know that? 875 01:02:13,369 --> 01:02:16,839 - Honey, I'm going to pull you gently. - No. 876 01:02:17,129 --> 01:02:19,768 I'm going to pull it. Gently. 877 01:02:21,889 --> 01:02:23,447 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 878 01:02:23,809 --> 01:02:27,927 We've got the ambulance waiting outside. We have to get going. 879 01:02:28,009 --> 01:02:29,522 No, wait! 880 01:02:29,609 --> 01:02:33,238 She could sing. You could sing, Jane. It relaxes the throat, honey. 881 01:02:41,409 --> 01:02:43,923 Stop it! You're getting me hard again! 882 01:02:44,609 --> 01:02:46,088 Wrong song. 883 01:02:46,969 --> 01:02:48,243 Armageddon. 884 01:03:05,329 --> 01:03:06,523 Come on, try. 885 01:04:08,489 --> 01:04:09,524 What? 886 01:04:13,849 --> 01:04:17,728 She says to him, "Girl You Know It's True changed my life." 887 01:04:17,809 --> 01:04:19,208 It did! 888 01:04:19,289 --> 01:04:21,564 And this sad little tear slowly... 889 01:04:21,649 --> 01:04:25,642 Come on. What do you want from me? I was 16 years old. 890 01:04:26,009 --> 01:04:29,604 I don't know why I started talking to her in the sccond grade. 891 01:04:29,689 --> 01:04:32,761 - You thought I was the shit. - You are the shit. 892 01:04:32,849 --> 01:04:34,248 Shithead. 893 01:04:34,329 --> 01:04:36,718 - My God. - What? 894 01:04:37,369 --> 01:04:40,998 They found a donor for my patient. I've got to go. I'm sorry, guys. 895 01:04:41,289 --> 01:04:44,281 - Christina, it was great meeting you. - Nice to meet you, Greg. 896 01:04:44,369 --> 01:04:47,008 - Jane, it was great meeting you. - Great meeting you. 897 01:04:47,089 --> 01:04:49,762 So sorry to run off. I'll make you risotto tomorrow. 898 01:04:49,849 --> 01:04:50,964 It's fine. 899 01:04:55,089 --> 01:04:58,286 - Can I just say, that was so sweet? - He's great. 900 01:04:58,569 --> 01:05:00,560 - He's so sweet. - Shut up. 901 01:05:00,689 --> 01:05:02,998 He doesn't have any piercings, does he? 902 01:05:04,809 --> 01:05:06,447 I don't know, actually... 903 01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:11,199 ...because I haven't done that with him yet. 904 01:05:11,889 --> 01:05:15,165 - So, you know... - Honey, you really do like him. 905 01:05:15,289 --> 01:05:18,201 I don'twant to talk about it, because I'll jinx it. 906 01:06:14,529 --> 01:06:17,760 - I closed on the Mahalock house today. - Great news for you. 907 01:06:17,849 --> 01:06:19,726 You don't need to do a thing. 908 01:06:20,889 --> 01:06:23,449 - What did they say about aluminium siding? - No. 909 01:06:24,729 --> 01:06:26,367 - Really? - Really. 910 01:06:26,449 --> 01:06:29,839 Be careful with those fat-free chips. They cause anal leakage. 911 01:06:29,969 --> 01:06:33,120 - You cause anal leakage. - Says so on the bag. 912 01:06:42,849 --> 01:06:47,365 What kind of marketing brainiac puts "anal leakage" on his product? 913 01:06:48,889 --> 01:06:50,959 How can they even sell that crap? 914 01:06:51,049 --> 01:06:53,244 - What time is your flight? - 9:30. 915 01:06:54,889 --> 01:06:57,323 I can't believe you're going to Costa Rica. 916 01:06:57,409 --> 01:06:59,843 Your female problems are over with. 917 01:07:00,609 --> 01:07:02,201 - Hope so. - They are. 918 01:07:02,289 --> 01:07:04,849 You know what I hear about Costa Rican women? 919 01:07:05,009 --> 01:07:06,601 - For five pesos... - No, Rog. 920 01:07:06,689 --> 01:07:09,806 They take your chimichanga and your pequito... 921 01:07:09,889 --> 01:07:11,800 - No, seņor. - Listen to me! 922 01:07:11,889 --> 01:07:13,038 Fuck you. 923 01:07:13,129 --> 01:07:17,122 All I'm saying is, make nice with the concierge, okay? 924 01:07:19,249 --> 01:07:21,922 - You all right, Vera? - Couldn't be better. 925 01:07:25,609 --> 01:07:27,679 - Thank you so much. - Where do you want it? 926 01:07:27,769 --> 01:07:30,522 Put her down right here. 927 01:07:30,689 --> 01:07:34,125 Since you're going away, do you want to be on our malling list? 928 01:07:34,369 --> 01:07:36,837 Yes, ma'am. I'd love to. Thank you. 929 01:07:38,529 --> 01:07:41,805 I've been trying to get us off that mailing list since 1982. 930 01:07:41,889 --> 01:07:43,242 Relax. 931 01:07:43,649 --> 01:07:47,847 This is the hottest chick in this store and I caught her trying to escape. 932 01:08:09,249 --> 01:08:10,967 Very strange. 933 01:08:16,929 --> 01:08:20,239 Sweetie, Christina, what's going on? What happened? 934 01:08:22,369 --> 01:08:25,600 I came to just eat my cookie and make a phone call, but... 935 01:08:25,769 --> 01:08:28,886 You didn't want to eat the cookies? What? 936 01:08:29,249 --> 01:08:31,888 - Just read this. - All right. 937 01:08:33,049 --> 01:08:36,485 "Commandment number nine: Thou shalt love what's possible." 938 01:08:38,249 --> 01:08:40,558 Honey, we have gone over this. 939 01:08:40,729 --> 01:08:43,721 You did not know the guy was getting married. 940 01:08:44,049 --> 01:08:46,165 It's all right. He wasn't possible. 941 01:08:46,249 --> 01:08:49,844 Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten. 942 01:08:50,129 --> 01:08:54,042 - "Thou shalt not fear"? - Yes. "Thou shalt not fear." 943 01:08:54,169 --> 01:08:56,160 What are you talking about, fear? 944 01:08:56,249 --> 01:08:58,888 What you did was an incredibly brave thing. 945 01:08:59,249 --> 01:09:03,288 You dropped all of your boundaries and you met this guy halfway. 946 01:09:03,489 --> 01:09:05,957 More than halfway, you went to Somerset. 947 01:09:06,209 --> 01:09:09,406 Guys, it was just another game. Come on. 948 01:09:09,809 --> 01:09:13,882 If he hadn't been getting married, wasn't the groom, what would I've done? 949 01:09:15,689 --> 01:09:16,838 That's right. 950 01:09:18,529 --> 01:09:22,761 I would've done the same old thing. I would have hesitated. I would have... 951 01:09:25,609 --> 01:09:28,919 ...froze up. I would have kissed him and then ran off. 952 01:09:30,409 --> 01:09:32,843 Give him the wrong phone number. 953 01:09:33,769 --> 01:09:37,284 Hook that fish and just throw him right back. 954 01:09:38,329 --> 01:09:39,398 Jesus. 955 01:09:43,409 --> 01:09:45,081 I'm stuck in a rut. 956 01:09:49,649 --> 01:09:52,641 Big, fat rut. 957 01:09:54,009 --> 01:09:57,126 Guys, I don'twant to be that girl anymore. 958 01:09:58,649 --> 01:10:00,321 - I know. - You know? 959 01:10:00,489 --> 01:10:02,559 I know. None of us do. 960 01:10:06,209 --> 01:10:07,961 Let's go dancing. 961 01:10:12,329 --> 01:10:13,762 So, any chance? 962 01:10:14,129 --> 01:10:17,599 Of what? No, don't even bother. She's on a mission. 963 01:10:28,889 --> 01:10:31,483 - How is it shaking, ladies? - No, thank you. 964 01:10:31,809 --> 01:10:34,403 Your body is banging. Your face is... 965 01:10:34,489 --> 01:10:36,366 Neato. Thanks. Neat. 966 01:10:42,129 --> 01:10:44,120 What's going on, hot mama? 967 01:10:47,569 --> 01:10:51,084 Bringing it down. Bringing it up now! 968 01:10:54,529 --> 01:10:57,646 Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey. Work the monkey. 969 01:10:57,729 --> 01:11:00,527 The monkey, the monkey, the monkey! 970 01:11:05,609 --> 01:11:08,806 - You'reworking that monkey. - You're a really good dancer. 971 01:11:08,889 --> 01:11:12,802 - You have some original moves. - Thanks, I've been working on it. 972 01:11:13,489 --> 01:11:16,083 - Have we met before? - A couple of times. 973 01:11:16,449 --> 01:11:17,484 I'm Donny. 974 01:11:22,649 --> 01:11:23,684 Christina. 975 01:11:23,849 --> 01:11:25,919 This is like Sixteen Candles. 976 01:11:28,009 --> 01:11:30,045 I'd love to take you out sometime. 977 01:11:30,129 --> 01:11:33,439 Really? Well, that's nice. I mean... 978 01:11:34,409 --> 01:11:36,877 Give me your card, I'll call you sometime. 979 01:11:37,929 --> 01:11:39,726 Thank you. 980 01:11:40,089 --> 01:11:42,205 You seem like a really nice person. 981 01:11:42,569 --> 01:11:45,800 - Work on the monkey. - I'll work on the monkey. 982 01:12:13,049 --> 01:12:14,402 Hey, Donny. 983 01:12:15,209 --> 01:12:17,279 - Do you have a pen? - You bet. 984 01:12:21,929 --> 01:12:25,968 I'm a jerk and I wanted to apologize, because I didn't plan on calling you. 985 01:12:26,209 --> 01:12:29,326 I'll give you my number so that you can call me... 986 01:12:29,409 --> 01:12:34,642 ...because I found out something that was completey life-changing: 987 01:12:34,889 --> 01:12:37,323 It's okay to take a chance. 988 01:12:37,449 --> 01:12:41,283 Love is crazy and that's what love is, it's taking a chance. 989 01:12:42,169 --> 01:12:46,560 My girlfriend Courtney and I went on this crazy ride for a guy. 990 01:12:46,649 --> 01:12:51,086 I went across the state, practically, to find this guy that I don't even know. 991 01:12:51,289 --> 01:12:55,168 I don't even know you, but here I am, having this conversation with you. 992 01:12:55,249 --> 01:12:59,561 And I know that if I just take a chance with you, maybe, I don't know... 993 01:12:59,729 --> 01:13:01,321 Forget it. 994 01:13:01,689 --> 01:13:04,681 What's a guy got to do to get laid? 995 01:13:42,249 --> 01:13:43,967 - Chris? - Yeah? 996 01:13:44,049 --> 01:13:45,198 Honey? 997 01:13:47,809 --> 01:13:48,878 What? 998 01:13:52,489 --> 01:13:53,763 My God. 999 01:13:56,889 --> 01:13:58,447 What am I going to do? 1000 01:13:59,009 --> 01:14:01,603 I think you can handle this one on your own. 1001 01:14:02,129 --> 01:14:03,801 It's all good, girl. 1002 01:14:05,889 --> 01:14:08,801 Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay. 1003 01:14:14,689 --> 01:14:15,724 Christina? 1004 01:14:17,529 --> 01:14:19,167 What are you doing here? 1005 01:14:19,489 --> 01:14:22,720 - I came here to apologize to you. - For what? 1006 01:14:22,809 --> 01:14:25,801 For not telling you I was getting married. 1007 01:14:25,889 --> 01:14:28,642 I should have told you that and I didn't. I'm sorry. 1008 01:14:28,729 --> 01:14:31,562 You're the guy that needs the last fling before your wedding. 1009 01:14:31,649 --> 01:14:33,924 No. I'm not that guy. 1010 01:14:34,489 --> 01:14:39,244 You spilled my drink and I let you buy me a beer. Tha twas all there was to it. 1011 01:14:41,369 --> 01:14:43,644 We had fun, we talked and that was it. 1012 01:14:44,889 --> 01:14:45,924 Right? 1013 01:14:47,809 --> 01:14:49,561 Yeah, I guess you're right. 1014 01:14:50,809 --> 01:14:52,322 I didn't get married. 1015 01:14:57,929 --> 01:15:01,080 - What do you mean? - Judy and I, we called it off. 1016 01:15:04,889 --> 01:15:08,802 I hope my... That thing that happened didn't have anything to do with it. 1017 01:15:08,889 --> 01:15:11,323 No, it had nothing to do with that. 1018 01:15:11,409 --> 01:15:16,119 We realiezd we were doing the wrong thing. Two people should be in love. 1019 01:15:17,209 --> 01:15:20,326 But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali. 1020 01:15:20,409 --> 01:15:24,118 She really liked you, too. Why were you at my wedding? 1021 01:15:25,969 --> 01:15:30,963 It was just one of those spontaneous things my girlfriend and I do. 1022 01:15:31,209 --> 01:15:33,359 It was just, really... 1023 01:15:34,649 --> 01:15:36,446 It just got screwed up. 1024 01:15:41,129 --> 01:15:43,962 I came here tonight because I wanted to see you. 1025 01:15:44,489 --> 01:15:46,923 I thought that maybe... 1026 01:15:48,449 --> 01:15:50,679 Well, that night that we met... 1027 01:15:51,449 --> 01:15:55,601 ...I thought there was something, some feeling I had about us. 1028 01:15:56,729 --> 01:16:01,245 I thought that maybe you might feel that way, too. 1029 01:16:01,329 --> 01:16:04,560 Is this a mutual thing? This is not a mutual thing at all. 1030 01:16:04,689 --> 01:16:06,964 This is a very stupid thing. I'm stupid. 1031 01:16:07,049 --> 01:16:10,086 I should go. I really apologize for wasting your time. 1032 01:16:10,169 --> 01:16:13,206 And I'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now. 1033 01:16:13,329 --> 01:16:17,038 Thanks. See you. I'm stupid. That's right. 1034 01:16:17,569 --> 01:16:20,925 That's exactly what I wanted to do. 1035 01:16:23,329 --> 01:16:25,479 Yes. Gosh, it's going so well. 1036 01:16:46,809 --> 01:16:48,561 I'm not going to be afraid. 1037 01:16:55,089 --> 01:16:56,124 Peter? 1038 01:16:59,449 --> 01:17:02,168 Shit. Peter, wait! 1039 01:17:13,609 --> 01:17:14,928 Shit. 1040 01:17:31,649 --> 01:17:32,638 Come on! 1041 01:17:34,609 --> 01:17:36,201 Are you okay? 1042 01:17:36,849 --> 01:17:37,884 Yes. 1043 01:17:40,209 --> 01:17:42,086 I don't think I handled that too... 1044 01:17:42,169 --> 01:17:45,764 I didn't handle it at all. I'm so sorry. 1045 01:17:46,409 --> 01:17:49,207 I wanted to find you so that I could tell you... 1046 01:17:49,969 --> 01:17:53,723 ...that I did come to your wedding because I wanted to see you again... 1047 01:17:53,809 --> 01:17:57,404 ...because the feeling is mutual, and you better be a good kisser. 1048 01:18:11,169 --> 01:18:12,443 That was weak. 1049 01:18:13,449 --> 01:18:14,677 - Weak? - Yeah. 1050 01:18:17,009 --> 01:18:18,920 It's okay. You can try again. 1051 01:18:30,129 --> 01:18:32,279 You were so much better in my dream. 1052 01:18:33,049 --> 01:18:34,164 Hold these. 1053 01:18:38,489 --> 01:18:41,367 - I thought this was mutual. - Oh, my God. 1054 01:18:41,489 --> 01:18:44,322 I'm serious. I'll call you, okay? 1055 01:18:45,409 --> 01:18:47,240 What? Wait! 1056 01:18:47,329 --> 01:18:49,638 Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch. 1057 01:18:49,729 --> 01:18:52,118 I'm out of practice! I just woke up! 1058 01:18:53,369 --> 01:18:54,563 Unbelievable! 1059 01:19:01,609 --> 01:19:04,248 Christina Walters. Yep. I know her. 1060 01:19:04,329 --> 01:19:07,162 Bitch. Made my life a living hell. 1061 01:19:08,849 --> 01:19:11,761 She tries to pawn me off on her friend. She calls me a dick. 1062 01:19:11,849 --> 01:19:14,238 She hunts me down like a dog at my own wedding. 1063 01:19:14,329 --> 01:19:17,048 Then, when I try to apologize, she's like: 1064 01:19:17,169 --> 01:19:21,208 "I don't know you. You're one of hundreds. I have no feelings for you..." 1065 01:19:27,409 --> 01:19:29,127 Is that how I sound? 1066 01:19:36,249 --> 01:19:38,319 The movie is starting. Let's go! 1067 01:20:05,169 --> 01:20:06,318 Fuck Grandma. 1068 01:20:16,809 --> 01:20:18,686 Save yourself a buck. 1069 01:20:23,249 --> 01:20:24,967 - A girl that you lick. - Really? 1070 01:20:25,049 --> 01:20:27,005 - That you lick. - A girl that I lick? 1071 01:20:34,489 --> 01:20:36,207 Are you all right? 1072 01:20:36,769 --> 01:20:38,600 You'rewatching the credits? 1073 01:20:56,169 --> 01:20:58,922 - Chicks freak on this guy. - You ower me thirty... 1074 01:21:08,369 --> 01:21:09,404 Copy that. 1075 01:21:16,209 --> 01:21:17,767 Is that what you want? 1076 01:21:22,849 --> 01:21:26,159 I think there's always time for a movie montage. 1077 01:21:35,729 --> 01:21:38,448 I hope you like how sexy I am. 1078 01:21:44,649 --> 01:21:49,279 Okay. I'm not going to be afraid. 1079 01:21:52,369 --> 01:21:53,688 I'm not. 1080 01:21:56,929 --> 01:22:00,285 It's a very bad rumour. It's a rumour. I'm serious. 1081 01:22:00,489 --> 01:22:01,604 Crap. 1082 01:22:08,689 --> 01:22:11,362 You really got my ass. It's good. 1083 01:22:15,009 --> 01:22:16,078 Cut! 1084 01:22:23,889 --> 01:22:26,005 - I look beautiful. - You look amazing. 1085 01:22:26,089 --> 01:22:28,842 - I look beautiful. Thank you. - You do. Amazing. 1086 01:22:35,449 --> 01:22:37,565 We can sit here like this all night. 1087 01:22:37,769 --> 01:22:40,681 - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 1088 01:22:48,489 --> 01:22:51,083 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. 1089 01:23:04,049 --> 01:23:05,960 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 1090 01:23:10,009 --> 01:23:12,443 I guess a blowjob is out of the question? 1091 01:23:13,089 --> 01:23:14,681 That is the sweetest thing. 1092 01:23:14,769 --> 01:23:15,963 Bye! 1093 01:23:22,529 --> 01:23:24,167 Well, that was fun. 1094 01:26:47,369 --> 01:26:50,441 - It's over. Bye-bye, go home. - You can leave.