1 00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:45,368 Here in Malaysia, there is an almost overwhelming sense of euphoria... 2 00:00:45,437 --> 00:00:49,396 as the newly-elected prime minister has given this nation hope... 3 00:00:49,475 --> 00:00:52,501 promising to raise the substandard minimum wage... 4 00:00:52,578 --> 00:00:54,978 and end child labor once and for all. 5 00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:56,571 Already considered a living saint... 6 00:00:56,648 --> 00:00:59,617 he has become this small country's greatest hope... 7 00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,461 for a thriving future in the new millennium. 8 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:01,927 for a thriving future in the new millennium. 9 00:01:04,163 --> 00:01:06,131 Get closer, Jaco. 10 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:10,163 This is disgusting. How could you let this happen? 11 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:14,173 I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio. 12 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,903 I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts. I even sent him some pet oxen. 13 00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:20,537 I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia. 14 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,604 But he won't budge. 15 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,515 Listen, 50 percent of my inventory is manufactured... 16 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,485 in sweatshops on the Malaysian border. 17 00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:29,487 Something has got to be done. 18 00:01:29,555 --> 00:01:32,115 If Malaysia goes, what is next? 19 00:01:32,191 --> 00:01:35,183 My entire panty line is made in Vietnam. 20 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,751 We'll all go bankrupt within a year. 21 00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:41,095 The Malaysian must be eliminated, Mugatu. 22 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:44,694 What? No, I don't have time for this. 23 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:48,673 Perhaps you'd rather go back to turning out novelty neckties. 24 00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:51,266 But my new fall line is almost due. 25 00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:54,609 And I trust you would like to live to see your spring line as well? 26 00:01:55,782 --> 00:02:00,082 The Malaysian prime minister visits New York in 14 days. 27 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,177 Do it then. 28 00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:04,746 Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week. It's impossible! I have a show! 29 00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:07,816 It's perfect. Invite him to be your guest of honor. 30 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:11,193 That's not enough time. It takes months to train an operative. 31 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,198 What about Fabio? 32 00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:16,902 Too smart. This is a rush job. 33 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:19,563 He's got to be extremely dim-witted. 34 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,439 - You know the profile, Jacobim. - A beautiful, self-absorbed... 35 00:02:23,509 --> 00:02:27,138 simpleton who can be manipulated and molded like Jell-O. 36 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,044 Or cookie dough. 37 00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,310 - Or Play-Doh. - Any kind of dough. 38 00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:34,410 The point is, we need an empty vessel-- 39 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:38,423 a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron. 40 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:41,153 And when he's finished, we'll dispose of him. 41 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,660 But who? 42 00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:45,026 I mean, where in all of God's green goodness... 43 00:02:45,097 --> 00:02:48,474 am I gonna find someone that beef-headed? 44 00:02:50,709 --> 00:02:53,974 Derek, I just have a few more questions, if that's okay. 45 00:02:54,046 --> 00:02:55,172 Cool. 46 00:02:55,247 --> 00:02:57,738 So when did you know you wanted to be a model? 47 00:02:57,816 --> 00:03:01,650 It would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. 48 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:05,247 I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal... 49 00:03:05,324 --> 00:03:08,122 and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good-looking. 50 00:03:08,193 --> 00:03:10,252 Maybe you could do that for a career." 51 00:03:10,329 --> 00:03:11,557 Do what? 52 00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:14,758 - Be professionally good-looking. - Right. 53 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:17,301 What would you say your trademark is, if you have one? 54 00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:20,702 Well, I guess the look I'm best known for is Blue Steel. 55 00:03:20,773 --> 00:03:22,240 What's that look like? 56 00:03:26,044 --> 00:03:26,976 That's impressive. 57 00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:31,042 And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre. 58 00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:34,108 Le Tigre's a lot softer. It's a bit more of a catalog look. 59 00:03:34,186 --> 00:03:37,178 - I use it for footwear sometimes. - Can I see that? 60 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:52,932 Look, without Derek Zoolander, male modeling wouldn't be what it is. 61 00:03:53,005 --> 00:03:54,597 He is a fashion icon. 62 00:03:54,673 --> 00:03:56,971 So, do you spend a lot of time working on these looks... 63 00:03:57,042 --> 00:03:58,475 thinking about them? 64 00:03:58,544 --> 00:04:02,844 Sure. I've been working on Magnum for at least eight or nine years. 65 00:04:02,915 --> 00:04:05,941 Magnum? That's intriguing. Can I see that? 66 00:04:06,018 --> 00:04:09,476 Are you kidding? I shouldn't even be talking about it. 67 00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:11,079 It's nowhere near ready. 68 00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:14,957 It's almost like there's a light around him. 69 00:04:15,027 --> 00:04:16,119 He exudes beauty. 70 00:04:16,195 --> 00:04:18,254 I think about Derek every time I design a collection. 71 00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:22,426 You may be familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. 72 00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:26,631 It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. 73 00:04:26,705 --> 00:04:27,865 What are your thoughts on that... 74 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:30,431 as someone who gets his picture taken for a living? 75 00:04:30,509 --> 00:04:34,445 That Blue Steel look he does-- Oh, my Gosh, the style and the hair. 76 00:04:35,747 --> 00:04:39,478 It's almost like the new afro for the white man, but it's beautiful. 77 00:04:39,551 --> 00:04:43,146 Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. 78 00:04:43,922 --> 00:04:46,652 How many "abo-digitals" do you see modeling? 79 00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:50,824 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fashion industry's biggest night-- 80 00:04:50,896 --> 00:04:52,090 the VH1 Fashion Awards. 81 00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:53,182 the VH1 Fashion Awards. 82 00:04:57,028 --> 00:04:59,622 There he is, three-time Male Model of the Year... 83 00:04:59,697 --> 00:05:01,130 Derek Zoolander. 84 00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:02,496 He's like music. 85 00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:06,298 Proud owner of Blue Steel, the look that made him the legend he now is. 86 00:05:06,371 --> 00:05:08,362 He's almost too good-looking. 87 00:05:08,439 --> 00:05:09,633 Hey, Paco! 88 00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:15,407 That would be my main deterrent in considering a relationship. 89 00:05:24,789 --> 00:05:27,883 And that's who Derek Zoolander is defending his title against tonight. 90 00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:30,550 Hansel. 91 00:05:30,628 --> 00:05:33,256 - Hansel, right here! - All right, all right. 92 00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:35,731 The rookie sensation who has burned his way... 93 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,927 into the eye sockets of the fashion world... 94 00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:40,232 and left them clawing their faces for more. 95 00:05:40,972 --> 00:05:43,941 Mugatu sucks! Support the prime minister! 96 00:05:44,008 --> 00:05:47,171 Mugatu uses slave labor! 97 00:05:48,613 --> 00:05:50,774 Down with Mugatu! 98 00:05:50,848 --> 00:05:53,942 You hate to see something like that at an event like this. 99 00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:56,953 Ugly protesters bothering beautiful people. 100 00:05:57,021 --> 00:06:00,752 There's no denying Jacobim Mugatu has used cheap Malaysian workers... 101 00:06:00,825 --> 00:06:03,760 to make his and most of the garment industry's clothes. 102 00:06:06,097 --> 00:06:07,462 Hey, Steve, how are you doing? 103 00:06:07,532 --> 00:06:10,729 You're going for your fourth Male Model of the Year award. 104 00:06:10,802 --> 00:06:14,465 - Are you nervous? - I have butterflies in my basket... 105 00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:15,972 but I think I'm doing okay. 106 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,941 We also hear you're working on a new look. Can you tell us about it? 107 00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:21,911 Actually, I can't, Steve, because it's not yet perfected. 108 00:06:21,979 --> 00:06:23,947 But I can tell you that it's called Magnum and-- 109 00:06:24,015 --> 00:06:25,573 Shut, baby, shut! 110 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,777 If I tell you anything else, this guy's gonna kill me. 111 00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:29,786 Got that right. How are you doing, Steven? 112 00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:32,846 - Maury Ballstein, Balls Models. - A man who needs no introduction. 113 00:06:32,924 --> 00:06:36,360 Maury, you've handle every important male model for the last 30 years. 114 00:06:36,427 --> 00:06:38,554 - Derek's chances tonight? - Let me tell you something. 115 00:06:38,629 --> 00:06:41,496 Nobody can touch Derek. Nobody! I gotta get inside. 116 00:06:41,566 --> 00:06:44,899 I'm "shvitzing" like a "shmedrik" with all these lights. 117 00:06:54,912 --> 00:06:56,345 Are you worried about Hansel? 118 00:06:57,548 --> 00:06:59,948 Not as much as I'm worried about Gretel. 119 00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:03,111 Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel line in your article. 120 00:07:03,187 --> 00:07:04,916 I want people to know how funny I can be. 121 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,617 Oh, believe me, they'll know. It hits newsstands tomorrow. 122 00:07:07,692 --> 00:07:10,820 Excuse me, Mr.Mugatu. Mr.Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries. 123 00:07:10,895 --> 00:07:12,123 Time magazine. 124 00:07:12,196 --> 00:07:14,494 Any comment on Prime Minister Hassan's wage increases... 125 00:07:14,565 --> 00:07:16,863 - for Malaysian garment workers? - No, he has no comment. 126 00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:19,960 Let him speak for himself. Would you like to see the prime minister... 127 00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:23,097 out of power so you can continue exploiting cheap Malaysian workers? 128 00:07:23,174 --> 00:07:26,940 Hey, Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too! 129 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:29,241 Look out! She's got an egg! 130 00:07:29,313 --> 00:07:31,440 Oh, my God! Let go of me! 131 00:07:31,516 --> 00:07:32,949 Yes! 132 00:07:35,849 --> 00:07:37,339 Wow. 133 00:07:37,417 --> 00:07:40,147 I just can't tell you how much this means to me... 134 00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:42,950 to be the first recipient of this beautiful award. 135 00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:45,787 We have a serious problem on our hands, Maury. 136 00:07:45,859 --> 00:07:48,384 This Malaysian thing is getting out of hand. 137 00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:49,827 I hear you, Jaco. 138 00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:52,763 What this, the Slashie, mean... 139 00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:57,065 is you consider me the best actor slash model... 140 00:07:57,137 --> 00:07:58,866 and not the other way around. 141 00:08:00,707 --> 00:08:03,505 His proposed wage increase could ruin all of us. 142 00:08:03,577 --> 00:08:06,375 I need it taken care of soon. I have people to answer to. 143 00:08:08,348 --> 00:08:09,815 Now to the important stuff. 144 00:08:09,883 --> 00:08:12,374 These ain't no slashes, folks. 145 00:08:12,452 --> 00:08:14,113 These are the pure breeds. 146 00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:17,418 Here are the nominees for Male Model of the Year. 147 00:08:18,558 --> 00:08:20,822 Young, hot, brash. 148 00:08:20,894 --> 00:08:24,694 With more covers in his first year than any rookie model ever... 149 00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:28,326 and an attitude that says, "Who cares? It's only fashion." 150 00:08:28,402 --> 00:08:30,996 That Hansel's so hot right now. 151 00:08:31,872 --> 00:08:35,103 I hear a lot of words like "beauty" and "handsomeness"... 152 00:08:35,175 --> 00:08:36,802 and "incredibly chiseled features." 153 00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:39,778 To me, that's like a vanity, a self-absorption... 154 00:08:39,846 --> 00:08:42,041 that I try to steer clear of. 155 00:08:42,115 --> 00:08:45,175 I dig the bungee. For me, it's just the way I live my life. 156 00:08:45,252 --> 00:08:47,812 I grip it and I rip it. I live it with a lot of flair. 157 00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:50,721 I live it on the edge, where I gotta be. 158 00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:55,125 I wasn't like every other kid, who dreams about being an astronaut. 159 00:08:55,195 --> 00:08:59,996 I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. 160 00:09:01,368 --> 00:09:03,836 Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. 161 00:09:03,904 --> 00:09:06,202 Sting would be another person who's a hero. 162 00:09:06,273 --> 00:09:09,003 The music that he's created-- I don't really listen to it. 163 00:09:09,076 --> 00:09:11,442 But the fact that he's making it, I respect that. 164 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,371 I care desperately about what I do. 165 00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:16,245 Do I know what product l知 selling? No. 166 00:09:16,316 --> 00:09:18,409 Do I know what l知 doing today? No. 167 00:09:18,485 --> 00:09:21,147 But l知 here, and l知 gonna give it my best shot. 168 00:09:29,196 --> 00:09:31,130 Over the past decade... 169 00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:34,690 male modeling has had a shadow cast over it by one man... 170 00:09:34,768 --> 00:09:36,736 and five syllables-- 171 00:09:36,803 --> 00:09:39,135 Der-ek Zoo-lan-der. 172 00:09:40,574 --> 00:09:43,407 Modeling, to me, isn't just about being good-looking... 173 00:09:43,477 --> 00:09:47,072 or having a lot of fun and being really, really good-looking. 174 00:09:53,053 --> 00:09:54,577 The calender was great... 175 00:09:54,654 --> 00:09:57,418 because it gave people a chance to see a side of my versatility. 176 00:09:57,491 --> 00:10:01,621 The original Greek word for model means "misshapen ball of clay." 177 00:10:01,695 --> 00:10:04,289 and I try to think about that every time I get in front of a camera. 178 00:10:04,364 --> 00:10:07,060 Three-time Male Model of the Year. 179 00:10:17,444 --> 00:10:20,242 And the award goes to... 180 00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:25,782 Hansel. 181 00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:43,763 Thank you, Lenny. 182 00:10:45,572 --> 00:10:46,664 Wow! 183 00:10:48,742 --> 00:10:51,836 You know, a lot of people said winning this award... 184 00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,846 four years in a row couldn't happen. 185 00:10:55,081 --> 00:10:56,639 Well, I guess I showed-- 186 00:11:12,732 --> 00:11:16,293 I think we've found our solution, Ballstein. 187 00:11:16,369 --> 00:11:18,564 No, not Derek. 188 00:11:18,638 --> 00:11:21,232 He's perfect, and you know it. Now make it happen. 189 00:11:23,276 --> 00:11:26,245 I stings me like a fissure in my ass, but you're right. 190 00:11:26,313 --> 00:11:27,746 He's ready. 191 00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:50,491 Who am I? 192 00:11:51,299 --> 00:11:52,357 I don't know. 193 00:11:53,702 --> 00:11:56,865 I guess I have a lot of things to ponder. 194 00:11:57,772 --> 00:12:00,070 Hey, the results are in, amigo! 195 00:12:00,141 --> 00:12:02,132 What's left to ponder? 196 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,077 Nice comeback! 197 00:13:20,998 --> 00:13:22,522 I can't stand Hansel! 198 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,331 I know, right? Riding in on that scooter like he's so cool. 199 00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:29,668 - And the way Hansel combs his hair. - Or, like, doesn't. 200 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:34,109 It's like, "ex-squeeze" me, but have you ever heard of styling gel? 201 00:13:34,178 --> 00:13:37,375 I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel. He's a male model. 202 00:13:37,448 --> 00:13:39,348 Earth to Brint. I was making a joke. 203 00:13:39,416 --> 00:13:42,943 Earth to Meekus. Duh, okay? I knew that. 204 00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:45,147 Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did... 205 00:13:45,222 --> 00:13:48,089 'cause you were all, "I'm sure he's heard of styling gel"... 206 00:13:48,158 --> 00:13:50,217 like you didn't know it was a joke. 207 00:13:51,795 --> 00:13:54,025 I knew it was a joke, Meekus. I just didn't get it right away. 208 00:13:54,098 --> 00:13:56,794 - Earth to Brint-- - Would you guys stop it already! 209 00:13:57,868 --> 00:14:00,166 Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life... 210 00:14:00,237 --> 00:14:05,004 than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking? 211 00:14:07,378 --> 00:14:11,007 Maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. 212 00:14:12,082 --> 00:14:13,777 Like helping people. 213 00:14:14,718 --> 00:14:16,777 Uh, Derek, what people? 214 00:14:17,922 --> 00:14:21,585 I don't know. People who need help. 215 00:14:21,659 --> 00:14:25,220 Models help people. They make them feel good about themselves. 216 00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,230 They also show them how to dress cool... 217 00:14:27,298 --> 00:14:29,425 and wear their hair in interesting ways. 218 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,434 I guess so. 219 00:14:31,502 --> 00:14:34,630 You know what could really help you sort through these important issues? 220 00:14:34,705 --> 00:14:36,332 What? 221 00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:39,467 Orange mocha frappuccino! 222 00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:42,636 Yeah! 223 00:14:42,713 --> 00:14:45,511 Come on, man! Come on! 224 00:15:54,551 --> 00:15:57,884 "Derek Zoolander: a model, idiot." 225 00:16:16,907 --> 00:16:18,272 - Brint! - Huh? 226 00:16:32,388 --> 00:16:36,825 Rufus, Brint and Meekus were like brothers to me. 227 00:16:36,893 --> 00:16:40,659 And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother... 228 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,994 but I mean it like the way black people use it... 229 00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:46,625 which is more meaningful, I think. 230 00:16:46,702 --> 00:16:50,160 If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us... 231 00:16:50,239 --> 00:16:54,437 it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. 232 00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:58,207 Just because we have chiseled abs... 233 00:16:58,281 --> 00:17:00,442 and stunning features... 234 00:17:00,516 --> 00:17:05,249 it doesn't mean that we can't die in a freak gasoline fight accident. 235 00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:10,216 So today, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity... 236 00:17:10,293 --> 00:17:13,421 to announce my retire-- 237 00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:24,063 Hansel. He's so hot right now. 238 00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:26,971 I would like to take this oppor-- 239 00:17:28,444 --> 00:17:30,241 People! 240 00:17:31,147 --> 00:17:34,241 I'd like to announce my retirement from the male modeling profession. 241 00:17:35,885 --> 00:17:37,045 What? 242 00:17:38,321 --> 00:17:42,655 I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being good-looking. 243 00:17:42,725 --> 00:17:45,250 And I plan on finding out what that is. Thank you. 244 00:17:45,328 --> 00:17:47,626 Mr.Mugatu! Mr.Mugatu! 245 00:17:47,697 --> 00:17:49,927 If I could just have a moment of your time, please, sir. 246 00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:52,524 Just one minute of your time, please, sir! 247 00:17:56,873 --> 00:17:59,865 - What do you want? - I'm trying to talk to Mugatu... 248 00:17:59,942 --> 00:18:02,069 but he's tougher to get to than the president. 249 00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:05,045 Oh, I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am. 250 00:18:05,114 --> 00:18:06,308 A what? 251 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,775 A "eugoogolizer." One who speaks at funerals. 252 00:18:12,088 --> 00:18:14,818 Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was? 253 00:18:16,826 --> 00:18:19,488 How could you have written those terrible things about me? 254 00:18:19,562 --> 00:18:21,962 Derek, my editor put that headline on it, okay? 255 00:18:22,031 --> 00:18:24,829 I'm sorry. I know it came off kind of harsh. 256 00:18:24,901 --> 00:18:27,233 Yeah, well, fortunately for you, not too many people I know... 257 00:18:27,303 --> 00:18:30,272 read your little Time magazine, or whatever it's called. 258 00:18:30,339 --> 00:18:32,603 Look, maybe you could do me a favor. 259 00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:35,769 All I'm trying to do is get some background information on Mugatu. 260 00:18:35,845 --> 00:18:37,813 Mugatu? If you knew anything... 261 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,872 you know Mugatu's the one designer who's never hired me. 262 00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:42,144 Come on. There's gotta be-- 263 00:18:42,218 --> 00:18:44,652 Sorry, lady. Not interested. 264 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,848 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an after funeral party to attend. 265 00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:54,253 Go back home? You're overreacting. 266 00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:56,491 I want to do something meaningful with my life, Maury. 267 00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:58,897 I have deeper thoughts on my mind. 268 00:18:58,968 --> 00:19:01,163 The other day, I was thinking about volunteering... 269 00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:04,001 to help teach underprivileged children to learn how to read. 270 00:19:04,073 --> 00:19:07,804 Just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had. 271 00:19:07,877 --> 00:19:10,004 Derek, I don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing. 272 00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:12,411 I mean, maybe I could even have my own institute. 273 00:19:12,481 --> 00:19:18,386 We could call it the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good. 274 00:19:18,454 --> 00:19:20,684 What about us? We built this place together. 275 00:19:20,756 --> 00:19:22,815 Look out! Tushy squeeze! 276 00:19:24,026 --> 00:19:26,085 When I met you, you were a junior petite... 277 00:19:26,162 --> 00:19:28,289 who couldn't book a goddamn Sears catalog... 278 00:19:28,364 --> 00:19:30,423 and who couldn't turn left to save his ass. 279 00:19:30,499 --> 00:19:33,559 - Now look at you. - I can turn left! 280 00:19:33,636 --> 00:19:35,035 Yeah, right. 281 00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:37,538 Please. Some male models go left at the end of a runway... 282 00:19:37,606 --> 00:19:39,039 others go right. 283 00:19:39,108 --> 00:19:42,100 You got a lot of gifts, but hanging a louie just isn't one of them. 284 00:19:42,178 --> 00:19:44,043 Sit down! 285 00:19:45,281 --> 00:19:47,476 Hey, you want to hear some great news? 286 00:19:51,687 --> 00:19:54,850 Mugatu wants you for his new campaign. 287 00:19:54,924 --> 00:19:58,223 Didn't you hear me, Maury? I just retired. 288 00:19:58,294 --> 00:20:00,228 But this is Mugatu, Derek. 289 00:20:00,296 --> 00:20:02,321 Right now, this guy is so hot... 290 00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:04,525 he can take a crap, wrap it in tin foil... 291 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,534 put a couple of fishhooks on it... 292 00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:09,093 and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings. 293 00:20:11,307 --> 00:20:15,266 Derek, you're the laughing stock of the entire fashion world. 294 00:20:16,979 --> 00:20:20,779 What do we do when we fall off the horse? 295 00:20:26,722 --> 00:20:28,917 We get back on. 296 00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:33,127 Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast. 297 00:20:34,296 --> 00:20:37,493 I'm going back home. I need to get in touch with my roots. 298 00:20:37,566 --> 00:20:40,262 Figure out who I am. See you around, Maury. 299 00:21:12,568 --> 00:21:13,626 Hey, Pop! 300 00:21:19,508 --> 00:21:21,339 It's me. 301 00:21:23,112 --> 00:21:26,980 Scrappy, Luke... 302 00:21:27,049 --> 00:21:28,949 you remember your brother, right? 303 00:21:29,018 --> 00:21:30,315 What do you want? 304 00:21:31,821 --> 00:21:34,483 I thought maybe I could work the mines with you guys. 305 00:21:34,557 --> 00:21:38,891 All the Zoolander men together again, like when we were kids. 306 00:21:38,961 --> 00:21:42,522 Times have changed. You wouldn't last one day down those coal pits. 307 00:21:43,365 --> 00:21:46,232 Can't you even pretend to be happy to see me, Pop? 308 00:21:46,302 --> 00:21:51,934 Damn it, Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional television actor. 309 00:21:52,007 --> 00:21:57,035 Do us all a favor and get out of here. 310 00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:01,245 Pop, wait, please! 311 00:22:01,317 --> 00:22:03,683 Give me a chance. 312 00:22:04,653 --> 00:22:07,349 I won't let you down. I promise. 313 00:22:13,095 --> 00:22:16,030 Hold very still. Very still. 314 00:22:16,098 --> 00:22:18,931 I'm working right now. This-- 315 00:22:19,001 --> 00:22:20,935 - Ouch! - Oh, I'm sorry. 316 00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:23,233 Did my pin get in the way of your ass? 317 00:22:23,305 --> 00:22:26,103 Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately... 318 00:22:26,175 --> 00:22:28,837 or get out of my building like now! 319 00:22:28,911 --> 00:22:30,208 Get out! 320 00:22:30,279 --> 00:22:33,510 I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now! 321 00:22:33,582 --> 00:22:35,379 It's Maury. 322 00:22:35,451 --> 00:22:36,713 Tell me something good. 323 00:22:36,785 --> 00:22:38,844 You may have to start looking for someone else. 324 00:22:38,921 --> 00:22:42,857 There is no one else. The show is in ten days, Ballstein. 325 00:22:42,925 --> 00:22:45,052 Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up. 326 00:22:45,127 --> 00:22:47,960 He went home. He's talking about going off to ponder... 327 00:22:48,030 --> 00:22:50,464 and tutoring underprivileged retards or some shit. 328 00:22:50,533 --> 00:22:53,525 I don't care what it takes. Get him back.. 329 00:22:53,602 --> 00:22:55,900 We're running out of time. Capisce? 330 00:22:55,971 --> 00:22:58,963 Yeah, I capisce. Now if I could only "ca-piss." 331 00:22:59,041 --> 00:23:02,568 My prostate's flaring up like a frickin' tiki torch. 332 00:23:03,245 --> 00:23:07,272 Give me a little pee-pee. Come on, a couple of drops. 333 00:23:08,817 --> 00:23:11,669 That's what I'm talking about! 334 00:23:45,302 --> 00:23:46,462 Surprise! 335 00:23:53,811 --> 00:23:55,403 What the hell's the matter with you? 336 00:24:07,391 --> 00:24:09,325 Pacheco back to pass. 337 00:24:09,393 --> 00:24:11,122 He's feeling pressure from Pressman. 338 00:24:11,195 --> 00:24:13,288 He's looking for his all-American John De Rosa, the wide receiver. 339 00:24:13,364 --> 00:24:15,161 He's got him wide open in the middle of the field. 340 00:24:15,232 --> 00:24:16,824 Big rush. 341 00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:18,731 Who's winning the match? 342 00:24:18,802 --> 00:24:21,066 Hits Kevin Conley, the tight end down in there. 343 00:24:21,138 --> 00:24:22,435 State. 344 00:24:27,211 --> 00:24:29,873 I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. 345 00:24:29,947 --> 00:24:32,211 It's not very well ventilated down there. 346 00:24:32,282 --> 00:24:34,750 For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. 347 00:24:34,818 --> 00:24:37,343 Talk to me in 30 years. 348 00:24:47,865 --> 00:24:50,959 Moisture is the essence of wetness... 349 00:24:54,605 --> 00:24:59,474 and wetness is the essence of beauty. 350 00:25:09,987 --> 00:25:13,320 Why'd you have to come back to this damn town? 351 00:25:14,458 --> 00:25:17,655 I wanted to make a new life for myself. 352 00:25:17,728 --> 00:25:20,356 I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure. 353 00:25:20,431 --> 00:25:22,991 That my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse... 354 00:25:23,067 --> 00:25:26,298 than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it! 355 00:25:26,970 --> 00:25:30,497 All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, Pop. 356 00:25:30,574 --> 00:25:32,804 With what? Your male modeling? 357 00:25:34,044 --> 00:25:37,673 Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out? 358 00:25:41,752 --> 00:25:42,912 You're dead to me, boy. 359 00:25:44,922 --> 00:25:48,358 You're more dead to me than your dead mother. 360 00:25:50,127 --> 00:25:53,460 I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid. 361 00:25:57,534 --> 00:25:58,933 Mer-man. 362 00:26:14,785 --> 00:26:16,548 Who am I? 363 00:26:28,532 --> 00:26:31,228 Hello? Derek, you hearing me? 364 00:26:31,301 --> 00:26:33,098 - God? - God? 365 00:26:33,170 --> 00:26:36,071 What the shit are you talking about? It痴 me. Maury. 366 00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:38,074 I hope you're finished touching your roots... 367 00:26:38,142 --> 00:26:40,542 because Mugatu's making you an offer you won't believe. 368 00:26:40,611 --> 00:26:42,545 You gotta get your tookus back here. 369 00:26:47,384 --> 00:26:51,218 Well, to tell you the truth, I was a little hesitant at first. 370 00:26:51,288 --> 00:26:55,725 I mean, you've never hired me before, and I've been around-- 371 00:26:55,793 --> 00:26:57,988 For ages and ages. You've been around for a long time. 372 00:26:58,061 --> 00:26:59,790 I never wanted anything from you. 373 00:26:59,863 --> 00:27:02,093 And now that you're retired, I can't have you. 374 00:27:02,166 --> 00:27:04,293 And it's funny how it switches like that. 375 00:27:04,368 --> 00:27:06,268 But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted. 376 00:27:07,104 --> 00:27:09,572 Well, when Maury told me what you were willing to do, l-- 377 00:27:14,845 --> 00:27:18,474 Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte? 378 00:27:18,549 --> 00:27:20,983 My mistake, Jacobim. 379 00:27:21,051 --> 00:27:23,611 Your mistake indeed! 380 00:27:33,397 --> 00:27:34,625 Yes, Derek. 381 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,862 What Maury said I was willing to do for you. 382 00:27:38,936 --> 00:27:42,030 Let's get back to the reason that we're really here. 383 00:27:45,175 --> 00:27:47,769 Without much further ado, I give you... 384 00:27:49,213 --> 00:27:53,445 the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good. 385 00:28:03,093 --> 00:28:04,526 What is this? 386 00:28:08,966 --> 00:28:11,662 A center for ants? 387 00:28:11,735 --> 00:28:12,827 What? 388 00:28:16,073 --> 00:28:19,907 How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... 389 00:28:19,977 --> 00:28:23,469 if they can't even fit inside the building? 390 00:28:24,882 --> 00:28:27,578 - Derek, it's just a small-- - I don't want to hear your excuses! 391 00:28:27,651 --> 00:28:30,586 The center has to be at least... 392 00:28:32,689 --> 00:28:34,714 three times bigger than this. 393 00:28:37,561 --> 00:28:41,190 - He's absolutely right. - Thank you. 394 00:28:42,266 --> 00:28:43,494 I have a vision. 395 00:28:43,567 --> 00:28:47,333 And so do I. Let me show you mine. 396 00:28:48,138 --> 00:28:50,868 I can't help you, lady. I don't know nothing about Mugatu. 397 00:28:50,941 --> 00:28:53,432 But you've represented every male model in each of his campaigns. 398 00:28:53,510 --> 00:28:55,671 You must have some kind of a relationship with him. 399 00:28:55,746 --> 00:28:57,839 Even if I did, why would I talk to you? 400 00:28:57,915 --> 00:29:00,816 Shame on you how you picked on Derek Zoolander in that story. 401 00:29:00,884 --> 00:29:03,284 He's a sweet simpleton who never hurt a fly. 402 00:29:03,353 --> 00:29:06,015 Please don't change the subject, Mr.Ballstein. 403 00:29:06,089 --> 00:29:09,058 What about Mugatu's exploitation of sweatshop workers in Malaysia? 404 00:29:09,126 --> 00:29:11,560 - Do you have an opinion on that? - You wanna hear an opinion? 405 00:29:11,628 --> 00:29:15,086 With a push-up bra, you could have a nice rack of lamb going on there. 406 00:29:15,165 --> 00:29:18,566 Let me show you the future of fashion. 407 00:29:20,037 --> 00:29:23,165 Let me show you... 408 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,299 Derelicte! 409 00:29:25,375 --> 00:29:27,468 It is a fashion, a way of life... 410 00:29:27,544 --> 00:29:30,570 inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants... 411 00:29:30,647 --> 00:29:34,777 the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique. 412 00:29:36,019 --> 00:29:38,886 And I want you, Derek, to be the face... 413 00:29:38,956 --> 00:29:42,983 the image-- nay, the spirit of Derelicte! 414 00:29:44,294 --> 00:29:46,489 It'll be your glorious comeback. 415 00:29:46,563 --> 00:29:48,190 Sounds cool. 416 00:29:48,265 --> 00:29:52,929 Derek, I'd like you to meet Katinka Ingabogovinana. 417 00:29:53,804 --> 00:29:56,398 She'll be your day-to-day on the campaign. 418 00:29:57,507 --> 00:29:59,702 Let's get this model on his way! 419 00:30:00,610 --> 00:30:02,840 The big show is in eight days, Derek. 420 00:30:02,913 --> 00:30:05,381 Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly... 421 00:30:05,449 --> 00:30:09,044 so must you become Derelicte! 422 00:30:09,119 --> 00:30:11,087 So you want me to sleep in the gutter? 423 00:30:11,154 --> 00:30:14,089 No. We're sending you to a very exclusive day spa. 424 00:30:14,958 --> 00:30:17,017 So exclusive, no one knows about it. 425 00:30:17,094 --> 00:30:19,494 Our little secret, okay? 426 00:30:27,904 --> 00:30:29,633 - Matilda, hey. - Hey, Arch, what's up? 427 00:30:29,706 --> 00:30:31,640 Nothing. I've just been up for a few days... 428 00:30:31,708 --> 00:30:34,643 putting together these background articles on Mugatu you asked for. 429 00:30:34,711 --> 00:30:37,441 Very thorough, Archie. Thank you. 430 00:30:37,514 --> 00:30:40,449 It's weird. I couldn't get any info on him before 1995. 431 00:30:40,517 --> 00:30:42,451 It's like he just appeared out of the blue. 432 00:30:42,519 --> 00:30:44,783 - Really? That's strange. - Yeah. 433 00:30:46,123 --> 00:30:48,557 - Matilda Jeffries. - Keep pulling the sweater. 434 00:30:48,625 --> 00:30:52,220 - Excuse me? - Eventually the thing will unravel. 435 00:30:53,096 --> 00:30:57,226 You mean, if you pull the thread, the whole thing will unravel? 436 00:30:57,300 --> 00:31:00,758 Now you're talking, sister. If you want to know more, go to Pier 12. 437 00:31:00,837 --> 00:31:03,397 Things aren't what they seem. 438 00:31:12,514 --> 00:31:14,675 What kind of spa is this? 439 00:31:15,984 --> 00:31:18,282 It's designed for deep, deep relaxation. 440 00:31:18,353 --> 00:31:20,844 Come, let's get you loosened up. 441 00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:32,895 Good boy. 442 00:32:04,266 --> 00:32:05,790 Oh, I'm sorry. 443 00:32:09,604 --> 00:32:12,300 Matilda, what are you doing here? 444 00:32:12,374 --> 00:32:14,205 I was-- 445 00:32:17,779 --> 00:32:21,044 What are you doing here, Derek? I thought you quit the business. 446 00:32:21,116 --> 00:32:24,415 Haven't you heard? I'm the new face of Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. 447 00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:31,786 What do you mean, Derek? You said Mugatu never hires you. 448 00:32:31,860 --> 00:32:35,956 Well, I guess he changed his mind. It's the world's biggest campaign. 449 00:32:36,031 --> 00:32:38,898 What is this? Who are you? 450 00:32:38,967 --> 00:32:41,299 This is private property. Nils! 451 00:32:45,206 --> 00:32:48,801 I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... 452 00:32:48,877 --> 00:32:52,779 stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander. 453 00:32:59,387 --> 00:33:01,753 How do you feel, Derek? 454 00:33:05,994 --> 00:33:07,928 When's the seaweed wrap? 455 00:33:07,996 --> 00:33:09,930 You shut up now. 456 00:33:09,998 --> 00:33:12,990 I want you to relax... 457 00:33:13,068 --> 00:33:16,834 and breathe deeply. 458 00:33:20,108 --> 00:33:22,508 Breathe deeply. 459 00:33:28,817 --> 00:33:31,945 - I like this song. - Of course you do. 460 00:33:38,293 --> 00:33:40,955 Welcome to your relaxation time. 461 00:33:42,364 --> 00:33:46,027 Let this wonderful '80s classic soothe you. 462 00:33:46,101 --> 00:33:49,502 Just a nice, warm, happy time. 463 00:33:49,571 --> 00:33:52,233 Happy, happy. 464 00:33:56,644 --> 00:33:59,704 Nothing to worry about at all. 465 00:33:59,781 --> 00:34:01,544 Just relax. 466 00:34:03,918 --> 00:34:06,546 Hey there, Derek. My name is Lil' Kleatus. 467 00:34:07,789 --> 00:34:12,089 l知 just a kid who wants you to know the truth about child labor laws. 468 00:34:13,595 --> 00:34:16,359 They're silly and outdated. In the good old days... 469 00:34:16,431 --> 00:34:19,662 kids as young as five could work as they pleased... 470 00:34:19,734 --> 00:34:22,965 from textile factories to iron smelts. 471 00:34:23,038 --> 00:34:24,369 Yippee! Hooray! 472 00:34:25,473 --> 00:34:28,840 But today, the age-old right of children to work is under attack. 473 00:34:29,844 --> 00:34:33,302 From the Philippines to Bangladesh, in China and India... 474 00:34:33,381 --> 00:34:35,315 and South America too. 475 00:34:36,785 --> 00:34:39,276 But you can help these children, Derek... 476 00:34:39,354 --> 00:34:42,323 by killing the prime minister of Malaysia. 477 00:34:42,390 --> 00:34:44,381 - He is bad. - What? 478 00:34:45,693 --> 00:34:47,684 You learn martial arts. 479 00:34:49,531 --> 00:34:51,863 Prime minister of Malaysia bad! 480 00:34:51,933 --> 00:34:53,628 Martial arts good! 481 00:34:53,701 --> 00:34:55,635 Kill naughty man! 482 00:34:59,207 --> 00:35:00,799 Obey my dog! 483 00:35:00,875 --> 00:35:03,537 On the runway, you have one objective. 484 00:35:03,611 --> 00:35:07,775 Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities. 485 00:35:10,218 --> 00:35:15,815 Do as you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister! 486 00:35:15,890 --> 00:35:19,724 Karate chop! Bad, man! Awful man! 487 00:35:19,794 --> 00:35:23,321 In your little blue suit and your spiky black hair. Kill! 488 00:35:23,398 --> 00:35:26,026 And you're a super-hot ninja machine! 489 00:35:36,344 --> 00:35:39,006 - Derek, are you in there? - Hold your horses! 490 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,572 - Derek, please open the door! - What a cuckoo dream. 491 00:35:45,453 --> 00:35:47,751 - What? - Hey, are you okay? 492 00:35:47,822 --> 00:35:49,756 I've been trying to reach you for a week. 493 00:35:49,824 --> 00:35:52,349 A week? What, are you having a whack attack? 494 00:35:52,427 --> 00:35:54,520 I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum. 495 00:35:54,596 --> 00:35:56,120 That was last Friday. 496 00:35:57,265 --> 00:35:59,825 Earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa. 497 00:35:59,901 --> 00:36:04,270 Day. D-A-I-Y-E. Okay? 498 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,574 Look, I think I know what this is about... 499 00:36:07,642 --> 00:36:11,772 and I'm very complimented but not interested. 500 00:36:11,846 --> 00:36:14,474 - What? - I can't sleep with you, okay? 501 00:36:14,549 --> 00:36:17,382 - My head is killing me and-- - What are you talking about? 502 00:36:17,452 --> 00:36:19,545 Okay, if you just want to fool around a little bit-- 503 00:36:19,621 --> 00:36:22,055 Hey, I don't want to sleep with you! 504 00:36:22,123 --> 00:36:24,387 I've been trying to tell you you've been missing for a week. 505 00:36:24,459 --> 00:36:28,486 Would you look at the date. Mugatu's Derelicte show is tomorrow night. 506 00:36:28,563 --> 00:36:30,758 I don't care what the date says. 507 00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:35,362 You have 1,200 messages. 508 00:36:37,172 --> 00:36:38,867 That is a bit above average. 509 00:36:38,940 --> 00:36:41,875 - Derek, what happened in that spa? - I don't know. 510 00:36:41,943 --> 00:36:44,241 A little massage, some aromatherapy. 511 00:36:44,312 --> 00:36:48,078 I mean, look, lady, you can't just come barging into people's lofts... 512 00:36:48,149 --> 00:36:50,174 wanting sex, then changing your mind... 513 00:36:50,251 --> 00:36:52,651 then telling them that they've been in a day spa for a week-- 514 00:36:52,720 --> 00:36:54,745 You have been in a day spa for a week. 515 00:36:54,822 --> 00:36:56,380 So what? 516 00:36:56,457 --> 00:36:59,620 Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you... 517 00:36:59,694 --> 00:37:02,720 and your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives"... 518 00:37:02,797 --> 00:37:05,595 so long as you can make a name for yourself as a journalist... 519 00:37:05,667 --> 00:37:07,658 no matter how many friends you lose... 520 00:37:07,735 --> 00:37:09,896 or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way... 521 00:37:09,971 --> 00:37:13,031 just so long as you can make a name for yourself as a journalist... 522 00:37:13,107 --> 00:37:15,075 no matter how many friends you lose... 523 00:37:15,143 --> 00:37:18,943 or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way? 524 00:37:21,249 --> 00:37:23,080 I told you I was sorry about that article. 525 00:37:23,151 --> 00:37:25,619 Enough! My head hurts! 526 00:37:25,687 --> 00:37:27,678 And if it indeed is what day you claim it is... 527 00:37:27,755 --> 00:37:30,724 I have a pre-runway party to attend, if you'll excuse me. 528 00:37:34,128 --> 00:37:36,460 - By the way-- - What? 529 00:37:36,531 --> 00:37:38,158 With your complexion... 530 00:37:38,233 --> 00:37:40,360 you really shouldn't be wearing your hair pulled back that tight. 531 00:37:40,435 --> 00:37:41,800 What are you talking about? 532 00:37:41,869 --> 00:37:43,860 It pulls back the skin on your forehead... 533 00:37:43,938 --> 00:37:45,929 creating a tension which clogs the pores. 534 00:37:46,007 --> 00:37:48,407 That's why you have some light pattern dryness around your scalp. 535 00:37:49,644 --> 00:37:50,702 Do you mind? 536 00:38:00,288 --> 00:38:02,279 Cool. 537 00:38:12,967 --> 00:38:17,597 I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense. 538 00:38:17,672 --> 00:38:20,191 Not one little bit. 539 00:38:23,994 --> 00:38:26,428 Hey, I just E-mailed you all those searches... 540 00:38:26,497 --> 00:38:29,466 on the male models who've appeared in Mugatu campaigns. 541 00:38:29,533 --> 00:38:32,900 It's pretty weird. It seems like all of Mr.Mugatu's models... 542 00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:36,371 have a bad habit of dying young in freak accidents. 543 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:37,372 What? 544 00:38:45,649 --> 00:38:47,276 - Wait a second. - What? 545 00:38:57,294 --> 00:39:00,491 - Oh, shit. I gotta go. - What's going on? 546 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,425 I don't want to hang out, okay? 547 00:39:05,503 --> 00:39:08,131 I just need to speak with Derek Zoolander, please! 548 00:39:08,205 --> 00:39:11,766 I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel... 549 00:39:11,842 --> 00:39:14,106 and then you sort of laid low for a while... 550 00:39:14,178 --> 00:39:16,237 and then made your comeback-- 551 00:39:16,313 --> 00:39:18,611 It was so courageous. 552 00:39:18,682 --> 00:39:20,411 Look, I gotta go pee... 553 00:39:20,484 --> 00:39:24,648 but I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation. 554 00:39:24,722 --> 00:39:25,984 Yeah. 555 00:39:28,125 --> 00:39:30,923 - Everything cool, Derek? - It's great, Biff. Thank you. 556 00:39:33,097 --> 00:39:35,292 Hey, Derek. You rule. 557 00:39:35,366 --> 00:39:37,766 Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that. 558 00:39:37,835 --> 00:39:41,168 - Hey, Derek. - Hey, Maurice. 559 00:39:41,238 --> 00:39:43,638 - Hey, my man. - What's happening? 560 00:39:45,409 --> 00:39:47,172 Derek, back on top, man. 561 00:39:47,244 --> 00:39:49,371 Thanks, Billy. You rock. 562 00:39:49,446 --> 00:39:51,846 No, you rock. When are you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy? 563 00:39:51,916 --> 00:39:55,477 Not yet. Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage. 564 00:39:59,056 --> 00:40:02,253 - Excuse me, bra. - You're excused. 565 00:40:06,897 --> 00:40:08,797 And I'm not your bra. 566 00:40:11,001 --> 00:40:14,960 Whatever, dude. Whatever. Peace. God bless. 567 00:40:15,039 --> 00:40:20,102 Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. 568 00:40:20,177 --> 00:40:22,202 Maybe next time. 569 00:40:22,279 --> 00:40:23,507 What's that? 570 00:40:23,581 --> 00:40:27,347 Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it. 571 00:40:27,418 --> 00:40:29,886 Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it. 572 00:40:29,954 --> 00:40:32,855 Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off of St.Barts... 573 00:40:32,923 --> 00:40:34,857 with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. 574 00:40:34,925 --> 00:40:38,292 Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit. 575 00:40:38,362 --> 00:40:43,095 So I guess you can "dere-lick" my balls, capitan. 576 00:40:46,437 --> 00:40:48,268 Would you hold this for me? 577 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,737 I can "dere-lick" my own balls, thank you very much. 578 00:40:57,181 --> 00:40:59,240 You think you're too cool for school. 579 00:41:00,150 --> 00:41:03,085 But I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite. 580 00:41:07,625 --> 00:41:08,887 You aren't. 581 00:41:13,297 --> 00:41:15,891 Who are you trying to get crazy with, ese? 582 00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:20,130 Don't you know I'm loco? 583 00:41:21,171 --> 00:41:23,139 Hey, I got a wacky idea. 584 00:41:25,209 --> 00:41:28,406 What say we settle this on the runway... 585 00:41:28,479 --> 00:41:31,380 Han-solo? 586 00:41:39,757 --> 00:41:41,156 Stop it. 587 00:41:42,359 --> 00:41:44,759 Are you challenging me to a walk-off... 588 00:41:44,828 --> 00:41:47,422 Boo-lander? 589 00:41:48,265 --> 00:41:50,096 Don't do this, Derek. 590 00:41:50,167 --> 00:41:52,101 Listen to your friend Billy Zane. 591 00:41:53,404 --> 00:41:57,272 He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out. 592 00:41:58,208 --> 00:42:01,575 Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off challenge, my friend. 593 00:42:05,883 --> 00:42:08,943 Ten minutes. Old Members Only warehouse. 594 00:42:09,019 --> 00:42:11,146 You oughta remember that. You're a dinosaur. 595 00:42:11,221 --> 00:42:12,745 Let's go. Open up. 596 00:42:17,461 --> 00:42:20,191 I heard some mad stories about this kid. He's too limber. 597 00:42:20,264 --> 00:42:22,664 Put a cork in it, Zane! 598 00:42:24,802 --> 00:42:27,532 It's a walk-off. 599 00:42:27,604 --> 00:42:30,505 This is urgent, ma'am. Do you have any-- 600 00:42:35,479 --> 00:42:36,537 Hey, Matilda. 601 00:42:36,613 --> 00:42:38,672 What is this? Where is everyone going? 602 00:42:38,749 --> 00:42:40,842 Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass! 603 00:42:40,918 --> 00:42:43,079 Thanks, Rico. I'll try. 604 00:42:43,153 --> 00:42:45,178 You want to see the real world of male modeling? 605 00:42:45,255 --> 00:42:48,349 The one they don't show you in magazines or the E Channel? 606 00:42:48,425 --> 00:42:50,518 Yeah, I guess. Derek, please. 607 00:42:50,594 --> 00:42:52,789 I have something really important to talk to you about. 608 00:42:52,863 --> 00:42:53,989 Not now, Matilda. 609 00:42:54,064 --> 00:42:56,658 Han-sell-out is about to have his Han-sell-ass... 610 00:42:56,734 --> 00:43:00,170 handed to him on a platter with french-fried potatoes. 611 00:43:00,237 --> 00:43:03,035 Katinka, thought you might want to know... 612 00:43:03,107 --> 00:43:05,268 your boy Zoolander's rolling. 613 00:43:05,342 --> 00:43:06,969 It's a walk-off. 614 00:43:29,633 --> 00:43:31,760 All right, who's gonna call this sucker? 615 00:43:31,835 --> 00:43:33,325 If nobody has any objections... 616 00:43:35,172 --> 00:43:37,106 I believe I might be of service. 617 00:43:43,792 --> 00:43:47,159 Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules. 618 00:43:47,229 --> 00:43:51,495 First model walks, second model duplicates, then elaborates. 619 00:43:52,367 --> 00:43:54,562 Okay, boys, let's go to work. 620 00:43:54,636 --> 00:43:57,070 Age before beauty, goat cheese. 621 00:43:57,139 --> 00:43:58,504 Whatever. 622 00:44:01,910 --> 00:44:02,842 Right. 623 00:44:32,974 --> 00:44:34,464 Playskool, baby. 624 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,333 You gotta cut me. I can't see. I'm blind out there. 625 00:45:07,409 --> 00:45:08,307 Evian. 626 00:45:11,980 --> 00:45:13,504 It's okay. 627 00:45:26,862 --> 00:45:28,659 - Where am I? - It's okay. 628 00:45:29,531 --> 00:45:32,728 - Kickin', Hoss. - I'm going monk. 629 00:45:34,402 --> 00:45:38,395 I gotta go monk. Prayer. Pray to the Great Spirit. 630 00:45:54,189 --> 00:45:55,520 Do it, Hansel. 631 00:46:00,228 --> 00:46:02,560 Why is he sticking his hand in his pants? 632 00:46:05,534 --> 00:46:06,398 Do it, Hansel. 633 00:46:26,254 --> 00:46:29,519 - That's what I'm talking about. - Derek, you're not a kid anymore. 634 00:46:29,591 --> 00:46:31,718 You could hurt yourself out there. 635 00:46:34,329 --> 00:46:35,990 I can do this, Tyson. 636 00:46:46,274 --> 00:46:49,004 Thank God I wore underwear today. 637 00:46:57,586 --> 00:46:58,712 He's going for it. 638 00:47:20,809 --> 00:47:22,276 Oh, my God. 639 00:47:32,087 --> 00:47:33,384 Disqualified. 640 00:47:40,662 --> 00:47:41,875 - Derek, come on. - Come on. 641 00:47:41,875 --> 00:47:43,866 - Derek, come on. - Come on. 642 00:47:44,010 --> 00:47:45,807 What's going on? 643 00:47:45,879 --> 00:47:47,938 I think Katinka wants to kill you. 644 00:47:48,014 --> 00:47:53,042 Good. I deserve to die if I can't beat Han-suck-ass in a walk-off. 645 00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:54,948 Derek, that's not true. 646 00:47:55,021 --> 00:48:00,152 The guy had to pull his underwear out of his butt just to beat you. 647 00:48:02,595 --> 00:48:05,393 And all he had to do was turn left. 648 00:48:07,133 --> 00:48:08,828 What do you mean? 649 00:48:08,902 --> 00:48:11,063 I'm not an ambi-turner. 650 00:48:12,172 --> 00:48:14,402 It's a problem I had since I was a baby. 651 00:48:15,575 --> 00:48:16,940 I can't turn left. 652 00:48:18,111 --> 00:48:20,909 Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of. 653 00:48:20,980 --> 00:48:23,972 I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can't turn-- 654 00:48:28,221 --> 00:48:31,452 There have got to be some people out there, just like you... 655 00:48:31,524 --> 00:48:37,258 who can't turn-- turn left. 656 00:48:39,699 --> 00:48:42,964 If you want answers, come to Saint Adonis Cemetery now. 657 00:48:43,036 --> 00:48:46,164 - Wait! Who are you? - Who was that? 658 00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,470 I'm not sure. I have to get to Saint Adonis Cemetery. 659 00:48:49,542 --> 00:48:52,773 I'm gonna take you to my apartment. You can stay there until I get back. 660 00:48:52,846 --> 00:48:54,336 Can I come with? 661 00:48:55,415 --> 00:48:58,350 I don't want to be alone tonight. 662 00:49:09,629 --> 00:49:12,962 "Pedro Scialfa." 663 00:49:13,032 --> 00:49:15,967 He died when he was 29. 664 00:49:18,638 --> 00:49:20,230 "Vin Correjo." 665 00:49:21,741 --> 00:49:24,505 "Derriere Extraordinaire." 666 00:49:28,581 --> 00:49:31,311 Ninety-two minus sixty-three. 667 00:49:32,151 --> 00:49:35,416 None of them ever made it past 30. 668 00:49:35,488 --> 00:49:36,420 I did. 669 00:49:38,625 --> 00:49:39,649 Who are you? 670 00:49:40,927 --> 00:49:42,189 It's not important. 671 00:49:42,262 --> 00:49:44,093 Are you a ghost? 672 00:49:46,466 --> 00:49:48,229 He called, Derek. 673 00:49:48,301 --> 00:49:50,735 Let's take a walk. 674 00:49:50,803 --> 00:49:53,966 You think Zoolander's in trouble? 675 00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:55,507 Think again. 676 00:49:55,575 --> 00:49:58,874 What you've stumbled upon goes way deeper than you could ever fathom. 677 00:49:58,945 --> 00:50:01,004 The fashion industry has been behind... 678 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:05,278 every major political assassination over the last 200 years. 679 00:50:05,351 --> 00:50:09,788 And behind every hit, a card-carrying male model. 680 00:50:09,856 --> 00:50:11,687 Okay, that's impossible. 681 00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:14,352 Oh, yeah? Listen and learn, sweetness. 682 00:50:14,427 --> 00:50:17,453 Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? 683 00:50:17,530 --> 00:50:20,055 But who do you think made the powdered wigs and leg stockings... 684 00:50:20,133 --> 00:50:22,158 worn by our country's early leaders? 685 00:50:23,970 --> 00:50:25,198 Mugatu! 686 00:50:27,273 --> 00:50:28,968 Slaves, Derek. 687 00:50:30,576 --> 00:50:34,376 Without their free labor, prices would have gone up tenfold. 688 00:50:34,447 --> 00:50:37,314 So the powers that be hired John Wilkes Booth... 689 00:50:37,383 --> 00:50:40,750 the original model / actor, to do Mr.Lincoln in. 690 00:50:42,655 --> 00:50:46,887 I'll go on. Dallas, Texas, 1963. 691 00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,656 Kennedy had just put a trade embargo on Cuba... 692 00:50:49,729 --> 00:50:53,460 ostensibly halting the shipment of Cuban-manufactured slacks. 693 00:50:53,533 --> 00:50:55,228 Incredibly popular item at the time. 694 00:50:55,301 --> 00:50:57,963 Lee Harvey Oswald was not a male model. 695 00:50:58,037 --> 00:51:00,164 You're goddamn right he wasn't. But those two lookers... 696 00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:03,402 who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were. 697 00:51:04,344 --> 00:51:07,609 Well, what about you? How do you fit in to all this? 698 00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,944 This nation was swept-- 699 00:51:10,016 --> 00:51:11,950 I'll get it, ma'am. 700 00:51:16,856 --> 00:51:19,256 I can't get over-- 701 00:51:19,325 --> 00:51:21,088 Wait a minute. 702 00:51:23,830 --> 00:51:25,024 I know that hand. 703 00:51:26,899 --> 00:51:30,096 It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalog. 704 00:51:31,571 --> 00:51:33,198 You're J.P. Prewitt. 705 00:51:35,108 --> 00:51:37,508 The world's greatest hand model. 706 00:51:38,678 --> 00:51:42,444 Once upon a time. But things change. 707 00:51:42,515 --> 00:51:44,983 Thanks to this homemade hyperbaric chamber... 708 00:51:45,051 --> 00:51:47,076 my sweet baby never did. 709 00:51:48,621 --> 00:51:51,055 Let's keep moving. 710 00:51:51,124 --> 00:51:55,060 And that's when I found out I was in line to assassinate Jimmy Carter. 711 00:51:55,128 --> 00:51:58,222 - So, how'd you manage to escape? - Because I'm a hand model, mama. 712 00:51:59,098 --> 00:52:02,966 A finger jockey. We don't think the same as the face and body boys. 713 00:52:03,036 --> 00:52:06,301 - We're a different breed. - So why male models? 714 00:52:06,372 --> 00:52:07,862 Think about it, Derek. 715 00:52:08,941 --> 00:52:12,240 Male models are genetically constructed to become assassins. 716 00:52:12,311 --> 00:52:14,643 They're in peak physical condition. 717 00:52:16,716 --> 00:52:20,083 They can gain entry to the most secure places in the world. 718 00:52:22,055 --> 00:52:25,456 And most important of all, models don't think for themselves. 719 00:52:25,525 --> 00:52:28,722 - They do as they're told. - That is not true. 720 00:52:28,795 --> 00:52:30,262 Yes it is, Derek. 721 00:52:31,931 --> 00:52:35,332 Yeah. Think about any photo shoot you've ever been on. 722 00:52:36,736 --> 00:52:38,601 You're a monkey, Derek! 723 00:52:38,671 --> 00:52:41,606 Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes! 724 00:52:41,674 --> 00:52:45,269 Mash your cymbals, chimpy! Dance, Derek, dance! 725 00:52:45,344 --> 00:52:46,811 Good point. 726 00:52:46,879 --> 00:52:50,042 But if this has been going on for so long, Mugatu-- 727 00:52:50,116 --> 00:52:51,981 He's just a punk-ass errand boy... 728 00:52:52,051 --> 00:52:54,542 working for an international syndicate of fashion designers. 729 00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:57,350 You do a little background check on your Mr.Mugatu. 730 00:52:58,024 --> 00:53:01,721 You'll find he sold his soul to the devil for a shot at the big time. 731 00:53:02,929 --> 00:53:04,692 But why male models? 732 00:53:08,868 --> 00:53:12,964 Are you serious? I just-- I just told you that a moment ago. 733 00:53:13,039 --> 00:53:14,301 Right. 734 00:53:14,373 --> 00:53:17,638 You're a killing machine, Derek. They've programmed you. 735 00:53:17,710 --> 00:53:19,769 But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody. 736 00:53:19,846 --> 00:53:22,974 It's not up to you. At the proper moment, they'll trigger you. 737 00:53:23,049 --> 00:53:27,110 Usually using an auditory or visual Pavlovian response mechanism. 738 00:53:27,186 --> 00:53:30,246 - "Audi-what-ey"? - And when it's over-- 739 00:53:32,191 --> 00:53:36,252 What? There's an after party? 740 00:53:37,797 --> 00:53:39,992 Derek, get down! 741 00:53:42,368 --> 00:53:45,166 You gotta get to Maury Ballstein's computer. 742 00:53:45,238 --> 00:53:49,299 He recorded everything in case they ever turned on him. 743 00:53:51,644 --> 00:53:53,874 Derek, get a grip! 744 00:53:53,946 --> 00:53:58,849 Good luck to you, Derek. I've always been a fan of Blue Steel. 745 00:53:58,918 --> 00:54:01,614 And I hear Magnum is gonna blow us all away. 746 00:54:02,655 --> 00:54:03,587 Come on! 747 00:54:04,824 --> 00:54:07,452 - Get out of here. - Hang in there, J.P. 748 00:54:09,529 --> 00:54:11,929 You freakin' idiot! 749 00:54:15,568 --> 00:54:19,595 Man, that was close. I can't believe Maury's in on it too. 750 00:54:19,672 --> 00:54:22,004 That she-male Katinka's not messing around. 751 00:54:22,074 --> 00:54:23,701 You're telling me! For a second there... 752 00:54:23,776 --> 00:54:26,301 I thought someone was gonna be reading our "eugoogoly." 753 00:54:26,379 --> 00:54:28,847 Okay, all right, we need a place to hide. 754 00:54:28,915 --> 00:54:31,611 Where's the last place anyone would ever expect to look for you? 755 00:54:31,684 --> 00:54:33,242 I don't know. 756 00:54:33,319 --> 00:54:35,617 Think, okay? This is important! 757 00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:46,024 I hate Hansel! Hansel, Hansel! Everywhere I look! Hansel! 758 00:54:55,486 --> 00:54:57,647 Were you looking for a rematch? 759 00:54:58,789 --> 00:55:01,849 Excuse me, Hansel. I don't think there's an easy way to put this... 760 00:55:01,925 --> 00:55:03,950 so I am just gonna lay it out. 761 00:55:04,027 --> 00:55:07,656 Derek has been brainwashed... 762 00:55:07,731 --> 00:55:10,325 to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. 763 00:55:11,435 --> 00:55:12,493 And? 764 00:55:13,504 --> 00:55:16,701 And we need a place to hide until we figure this whole thing out. 765 00:55:16,773 --> 00:55:21,267 Derek said this would be the last place anyone would look for him. 766 00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,144 Yeah, you're cool to hide here. 767 00:55:25,215 --> 00:55:28,651 But first, me and him gotta straighten some shit out. 768 00:55:30,254 --> 00:55:31,186 Fine. 769 00:55:32,756 --> 00:55:35,691 Why you been acting so messed up towards me? 770 00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:39,388 Why you been acting so messed up towards me? 771 00:55:45,202 --> 00:55:47,500 Well, you go first. 772 00:55:47,571 --> 00:55:49,801 I don't know. Maybe I felt a little threatened or something... 773 00:55:49,873 --> 00:55:52,899 'cause your career is kind of just blossoming... 774 00:55:52,976 --> 00:55:55,638 and mine's kind of winding down or whatever. 775 00:55:55,712 --> 00:55:59,808 And I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me"... 776 00:55:59,883 --> 00:56:01,817 and it hurt. 777 00:56:03,253 --> 00:56:06,416 And I felt like when you told me to "dere-lick" my balls... 778 00:56:06,490 --> 00:56:07,889 that really hurt. 779 00:56:07,958 --> 00:56:11,553 Maybe I was scared, man. You're Derek Zoolander! 780 00:56:13,163 --> 00:56:15,358 Yeah, you're Derek Zoolander. 781 00:56:15,432 --> 00:56:19,892 You know what it's like to be another model in Zoolander's shadow? 782 00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:26,240 You want to hear something crazy? 783 00:56:29,213 --> 00:56:31,272 Your work... 784 00:56:31,348 --> 00:56:35,444 in the winter '95 International Male catalog... 785 00:56:40,757 --> 00:56:42,952 made me want to be a model. 786 00:56:46,263 --> 00:56:48,527 I freakin' worship you, man. 787 00:56:51,435 --> 00:56:52,959 I'm sorry I was whack. 788 00:56:53,036 --> 00:56:55,027 I was whack. 789 00:56:55,105 --> 00:56:56,902 I was whack. 790 00:57:06,149 --> 00:57:07,912 So welcome to chez Hansel. 791 00:57:07,985 --> 00:57:09,885 You're welcome to hide out here as long as you want. 792 00:57:09,953 --> 00:57:12,478 Well, there isn't much time. The show's tomorrow night. 793 00:57:12,556 --> 00:57:14,956 We have to figure out a plan by then. 794 00:57:16,026 --> 00:57:18,256 I'll round up the troops here. 795 00:57:18,328 --> 00:57:21,889 Hey, what's up, y'all? This is Derek and Matilda. 796 00:57:21,965 --> 00:57:24,229 Derek, you know Natani and Chloe. 797 00:57:25,302 --> 00:57:28,703 We got Buzzy Sullivan, big wave surfer from Maverick's. 798 00:57:28,772 --> 00:57:29,739 Hey, bra. 799 00:57:29,806 --> 00:57:31,831 Oh, this is this fantastic band, the Little Kings... 800 00:57:31,908 --> 00:57:34,672 I met when I was ice sailing in Finland. 801 00:57:34,745 --> 00:57:37,305 That's my Sherpa, Lapsang. 802 00:57:37,381 --> 00:57:39,645 Hey, everybody! Listen up for a second. 803 00:57:41,151 --> 00:57:44,052 Derek and Matilda are hiding 'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek... 804 00:57:44,121 --> 00:57:46,385 to off the prime minister of Micronesia. 805 00:57:46,456 --> 00:57:48,321 - Malaysia. - Right. 806 00:57:48,392 --> 00:57:51,987 So, they're gonna be hiding here. Let's show them a good time. 807 00:57:52,062 --> 00:57:54,428 - Right on! - All right, come on, over here. 808 00:57:54,498 --> 00:57:57,160 Oh, hey, Ennui, will you do me a favor? 809 00:57:57,234 --> 00:57:59,225 Will you get me some of that tea that me and Lapsang got... 810 00:57:59,303 --> 00:58:00,793 when we were climbing the Mayan ruins? 811 00:58:08,879 --> 00:58:10,642 This is really strong tea. 812 00:58:12,115 --> 00:58:14,083 No, it's just right. Trust me. 813 00:58:14,151 --> 00:58:17,348 What with all the intrigue you guys have been dealing with. 814 00:58:17,421 --> 00:58:21,687 You know, Matilda, I'm surprised you're so worried about "Der-rock." 815 00:58:22,959 --> 00:58:25,120 From that article that I read, it seems like... 816 00:58:25,195 --> 00:58:28,653 you don't really care too much about guys in our line of work. 817 00:58:28,732 --> 00:58:30,962 Why do you hate models, Matilda? 818 00:58:32,002 --> 00:58:34,562 - Honestly? - Yes. 819 00:58:35,772 --> 00:58:38,764 I think they're vain, stupid... 820 00:58:38,842 --> 00:58:41,140 and incredibly self-centered. 821 00:58:41,978 --> 00:58:43,536 I totally agree with you. 822 00:58:44,915 --> 00:58:47,907 But how do you feel about male models? 823 00:58:47,984 --> 00:58:49,542 Sweet. 824 00:58:52,289 --> 00:58:56,020 Okay, but seriously, Matil. Is it all right if I call you Matil? 825 00:58:57,661 --> 00:59:00,391 What's the deal, yo-yo? 826 00:59:00,464 --> 00:59:04,400 You're not telling us everything. There's something else, isn't there? 827 00:59:04,468 --> 00:59:06,561 You guys really want to know the truth? 828 00:59:06,636 --> 00:59:10,231 - Yeah. - Then I'm gonna tell you the truth. 829 00:59:12,342 --> 00:59:15,470 When I was in seventh grade... 830 00:59:15,545 --> 00:59:17,570 I was the fat kid in my class. 831 00:59:22,519 --> 00:59:24,043 All right, forget it. 832 00:59:24,121 --> 00:59:27,056 - No. - Dude, be cool tonight. Come on. 833 00:59:27,124 --> 00:59:29,592 I'm sorry. Please, go ahead. My mistake. 834 00:59:31,328 --> 00:59:34,092 I was the one that all the pretty girls used to make fun of. 835 00:59:34,164 --> 00:59:36,496 It was an awkward phase. 836 00:59:38,835 --> 00:59:40,769 Anyway... 837 00:59:40,837 --> 00:59:44,534 every day after school, I would come home and... 838 00:59:44,608 --> 00:59:48,874 you know, I'd flip through the pages of my mom's Vogue and Glamour. 839 00:59:48,945 --> 00:59:52,142 And I just-- 840 00:59:52,215 --> 00:59:53,580 I'd look at these women-- 841 00:59:53,650 --> 00:59:57,984 these perfect, beautiful... 842 00:59:58,054 --> 01:00:01,114 just unbelievable, skinny women. 843 01:00:01,191 --> 01:00:03,125 I just couldn't-- 844 01:00:03,193 --> 01:00:06,993 Oh, I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. 845 01:00:08,498 --> 01:00:10,125 I just didn't get it. 846 01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,430 So, um-- 847 01:00:13,737 --> 01:00:16,934 So I became-- 848 01:00:20,510 --> 01:00:21,772 What? 849 01:00:24,414 --> 01:00:25,779 Bulimic. 850 01:00:28,518 --> 01:00:31,009 You can read minds? 851 01:00:38,328 --> 01:00:41,525 It's when you throw up after every meal. 852 01:00:43,133 --> 01:00:46,159 See, this is exactly what you models do to people. 853 01:00:46,236 --> 01:00:49,034 You make them feel bad about themselves. 854 01:00:53,243 --> 01:00:57,009 So what? I throw up after lots of meals. 855 01:00:57,080 --> 01:01:00,846 So do I. It's a great way to lose pounds before a show. 856 01:01:00,917 --> 01:01:04,683 Are you guys insane? Do you understand? It's a disease. 857 01:01:04,754 --> 01:01:08,383 How'd that affect you with guys? Did they not want to get busy? 858 01:01:08,458 --> 01:01:11,222 - Good point. - Oh. Okay. You know what? 859 01:01:11,294 --> 01:01:16,322 I'm not gonna sit here with both of you and discuss my sex life or-- 860 01:01:17,767 --> 01:01:20,565 Or lack thereof. 861 01:01:22,105 --> 01:01:24,767 Ooh, you mean, like, like you, like you-- 862 01:01:24,841 --> 01:01:27,469 - Haven't really done it-- - You haven't done it-- 863 01:01:27,544 --> 01:01:29,535 Done it in a while, yeah. 864 01:01:29,613 --> 01:01:32,173 Okay, what's a while? Like, eight days? 865 01:01:34,651 --> 01:01:35,811 More? 866 01:01:37,721 --> 01:01:40,713 Oh, try a couple years. 867 01:01:40,790 --> 01:01:43,156 - Oh! - Oh, snap! 868 01:01:43,226 --> 01:01:45,990 How do you live? 869 01:01:46,062 --> 01:01:49,657 Seriously. Do you service yourself ten times a day? 870 01:01:49,733 --> 01:01:52,327 - End of discussion! - Easy. Okay, hold on. 871 01:01:52,402 --> 01:01:54,927 - Easy, easy. - I'm not comfortable talking-- 872 01:01:55,005 --> 01:01:56,700 Easy. 873 01:01:56,773 --> 01:01:58,832 This has been an emotional day for all of us. 874 01:02:03,647 --> 01:02:06,013 I think we should get naked. 875 01:02:06,082 --> 01:02:07,344 What? 876 01:02:07,417 --> 01:02:10,386 Don't ask questions. 877 01:02:10,453 --> 01:02:12,614 Just give in to the power of the tea. 878 01:02:55,799 --> 01:02:57,892 So I'm repelling down Mount Vesuvius... 879 01:02:57,968 --> 01:03:00,698 when suddenly I slip and I start to fall. 880 01:03:00,770 --> 01:03:02,697 I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke. 881 01:03:03,831 --> 01:03:07,323 Just falling-- I'll never forget the terror. 882 01:03:07,401 --> 01:03:11,030 When suddenly I remember, "Holy shit. Hansel... 883 01:03:11,105 --> 01:03:13,869 haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days? 884 01:03:13,941 --> 01:03:16,739 And couldn't some of this, maybe, be in your mind?" 885 01:03:16,811 --> 01:03:18,142 And? 886 01:03:19,413 --> 01:03:21,904 It was. I was totally fine. 887 01:03:21,983 --> 01:03:24,884 I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius. 888 01:03:24,952 --> 01:03:27,045 Cool story, Hansel. 889 01:03:27,121 --> 01:03:28,213 Thanks, Olaf. 890 01:03:29,857 --> 01:03:32,417 Dude, how dope was last night? 891 01:03:32,493 --> 01:03:34,825 I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying. 892 01:03:34,895 --> 01:03:37,420 You couldn't see anything. It was like, whoa, who's that? 893 01:03:37,498 --> 01:03:40,399 - Who's this? - I think I'm falling for Matilda. 894 01:03:41,235 --> 01:03:43,669 Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything... 895 01:03:43,738 --> 01:03:46,832 but it was crazy energy flying back and forth between you guys. 896 01:03:46,907 --> 01:03:48,841 It was like, whoa, look out! 897 01:03:48,909 --> 01:03:50,843 There was a moment last night... 898 01:03:50,911 --> 01:03:53,971 when she was between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesman-- 899 01:03:55,049 --> 01:03:57,279 - Oh, yeah. - Where I thought... 900 01:03:57,351 --> 01:04:02,914 "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman." 901 01:04:02,990 --> 01:04:04,321 Really? 902 01:04:04,392 --> 01:04:07,020 What do you call that? 903 01:04:07,094 --> 01:04:10,621 I think you call that love, D-Bone. 904 01:04:15,503 --> 01:04:17,130 So what time is it? 905 01:04:17,204 --> 01:04:19,934 - Almost 5:00. - What? 906 01:04:20,007 --> 01:04:22,601 Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. 907 01:04:22,677 --> 01:04:25,805 Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys-- 908 01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:30,647 Whoa, easy. How about a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. 909 01:04:30,718 --> 01:04:32,686 Thanks for the freak fest last night"? 910 01:04:35,022 --> 01:04:37,752 - Hello? - Hello? 911 01:04:37,825 --> 01:04:39,884 Oh, hi, Katinka. 912 01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:43,657 Uh, no, I just had a really late party night last night. 913 01:04:43,731 --> 01:04:46,529 - Derek, hang up the phone now! - Where am I? 914 01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:49,330 - I have to go! See you at 7:00. - Hang up! 915 01:04:49,403 --> 01:04:52,201 Derek, I thought I told you to turn off your phone. 916 01:04:52,273 --> 01:04:54,207 Turn off my phone? 917 01:04:55,976 --> 01:04:57,568 Turn off my phone? 918 01:04:57,645 --> 01:04:59,579 - Yeah. - Earth to Matilda. 919 01:04:59,647 --> 01:05:02,741 This phone is as much a part of me as-- 920 01:05:02,817 --> 01:05:06,309 You know what? Can we cut it out with all the "Earth to's," please? 921 01:05:06,387 --> 01:05:09,322 We're not actually saying this is the Earth calling you, Matilda. 922 01:05:09,390 --> 01:05:12,382 Yeah. No, I got that. I understand you don't literally mean-- 923 01:05:12,460 --> 01:05:14,724 Uh, no, I don't think you do. 924 01:05:14,795 --> 01:05:18,856 Listen. It's not like we think we're actually in a control tower... 925 01:05:18,933 --> 01:05:22,334 trying to reach outer space aliens or something, okay? 926 01:05:22,403 --> 01:05:23,392 Hello. 927 01:05:27,141 --> 01:05:30,167 - Oh, snap! - A joke. 928 01:05:32,012 --> 01:05:35,880 Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try to figure out a way into Maury's... 929 01:05:35,950 --> 01:05:39,078 before Derek assassinates a world leader. 930 01:05:40,855 --> 01:05:41,947 Wait. 931 01:05:42,857 --> 01:05:44,222 I have an idea. 932 01:05:45,292 --> 01:05:48,557 They'll be looking for us at Maury's, right? 933 01:05:48,629 --> 01:05:54,124 But they won't be looking for not us. 934 01:05:54,201 --> 01:05:55,964 What are you talking about? 935 01:05:56,937 --> 01:05:59,132 Hansel, do you have a cosmetics case? 936 01:05:59,206 --> 01:06:02,107 Sure, I mean, just for touch-ups or whatever. 937 01:06:02,176 --> 01:06:03,700 What are you gonna do with that? 938 01:06:04,612 --> 01:06:07,137 That'll do. Early in my career... 939 01:06:07,214 --> 01:06:09,648 I used to do my own makeup styling and tailoring. 940 01:06:09,717 --> 01:06:11,844 If I can create a basic disguise for us... 941 01:06:11,919 --> 01:06:14,717 we may just be able to sneak into Maury's, undetected. 942 01:06:15,523 --> 01:06:19,152 You is talkin' loco, and I like it. 943 01:06:40,214 --> 01:06:42,774 Welcome to Derelicte. 944 01:06:49,990 --> 01:06:52,754 Hansel calling Matil. We have entry. Repeat. 945 01:06:52,827 --> 01:06:55,057 - We have entry. - Okay, guys. I hear you. 946 01:06:55,129 --> 01:06:57,620 Now, once you get the info, I want you to E-mail it to my office. 947 01:06:57,698 --> 01:07:01,293 l値l download the files, and we'll take the information to the police. 948 01:07:01,368 --> 01:07:03,802 We hear you loud and clear. 949 01:07:05,406 --> 01:07:06,532 Listen, Matil. 950 01:07:06,607 --> 01:07:10,099 l致e been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing. 951 01:07:10,177 --> 01:07:13,510 And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from. 952 01:07:13,581 --> 01:07:17,540 I feel really bad that good-looking people like us... 953 01:07:17,618 --> 01:07:20,644 made you throw up and feel bad about yourself. 954 01:07:20,721 --> 01:07:22,655 For serious. 955 01:07:23,924 --> 01:07:27,519 - Thanks, Derek. Now, hurry up. - Okay. 956 01:07:27,595 --> 01:07:31,964 I got the results on the name check you asked for on Jacobim Mugatu. 957 01:07:32,032 --> 01:07:35,229 - Or should I say Jacob Moogberg. - What? 958 01:07:35,302 --> 01:07:37,497 He changed his name when he went into the fashion business. 959 01:07:37,571 --> 01:07:40,233 Apparently, the guy was the original guitar synth player... 960 01:07:40,307 --> 01:07:43,174 for that band Frankie Goes to Hollywood, but he got kicked out... 961 01:07:43,244 --> 01:07:45,371 before they hit it big with that song "Relax." 962 01:07:45,446 --> 01:07:49,644 After Frankie gave him the heave-ho, he held a series of odd jobs until-- 963 01:07:49,717 --> 01:07:52,083 get this-- he invented... 964 01:07:52,152 --> 01:07:54,620 the piano key necktie in 1985. 965 01:07:54,688 --> 01:07:57,088 The guy's been a fashion designer ever since. 966 01:08:02,429 --> 01:08:04,363 First obstacle. 967 01:08:07,935 --> 01:08:09,903 You ever use one of these? 968 01:08:09,970 --> 01:08:12,666 I don't think so. 969 01:08:12,740 --> 01:08:15,800 Watch out. Watch-- Fix that hem, Jason. 970 01:08:15,876 --> 01:08:18,845 Please. I need-- Katinka! 971 01:08:18,913 --> 01:08:21,074 He's not here yet, Jacobim. 972 01:08:21,148 --> 01:08:23,776 - That little toad-face better show. - He will show. 973 01:08:23,851 --> 01:08:27,150 Good, because I'm a hot little potato right now. 974 01:08:29,089 --> 01:08:31,284 There must be an "on" button somewhere. 975 01:08:31,358 --> 01:08:33,792 Did you press that apple thing? 976 01:09:20,808 --> 01:09:22,241 Wait! Hansel! 977 01:09:23,010 --> 01:09:25,638 Let's not lose our cool. Then we're no better than the machine. 978 01:09:28,315 --> 01:09:30,112 It's almost 7:00. I gotta go. 979 01:09:30,184 --> 01:09:32,812 No! Derek. Der, wait. 980 01:09:32,886 --> 01:09:35,252 If you go, they'll make you kill that Eurasian dude. 981 01:09:35,322 --> 01:09:39,019 I don't care, Hansel. I've never been late for a show in my life. 982 01:09:39,093 --> 01:09:40,424 I don't plan on starting now. 983 01:09:40,494 --> 01:09:42,758 Damn it, you're right. 984 01:09:42,830 --> 01:09:47,494 Do me a favor. If anything happens to me, give this to Matilda. 985 01:09:47,568 --> 01:09:51,095 - Oh, no. - Please, Hansel. Take it. Please. 986 01:09:51,171 --> 01:09:53,696 - Ah, man. - Take it. 987 01:09:55,809 --> 01:10:00,508 Let's just say I'll hold on to it till you get back. 988 01:10:00,581 --> 01:10:03,049 Go! 989 01:10:03,117 --> 01:10:05,051 We're live at the Derelicte show... 990 01:10:05,119 --> 01:10:07,713 where controversial designer Jacobim Mugatu... 991 01:10:07,788 --> 01:10:11,451 has extended the olive branch to Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan... 992 01:10:11,525 --> 01:10:13,550 making him the guest of honor at tonight's show. 993 01:10:13,627 --> 01:10:18,394 And starring in that show, veteran supermodel Derek Zoolander. 994 01:10:20,100 --> 01:10:24,161 Guys, what's happening? Did you find the files? 995 01:10:24,238 --> 01:10:27,503 Matilda, we've got problems. Derek's already left for the show. 996 01:10:27,574 --> 01:10:30,372 No. No, he can't. We don't even know what the trigger is. 997 01:10:30,444 --> 01:10:32,844 He just went running out of here. I couldn't stop him. 998 01:10:32,913 --> 01:10:35,575 - I'll call him on his phone. - He doesn't have it. 999 01:10:35,649 --> 01:10:37,981 - What? - Yeah, he doesn't have it. 1000 01:10:38,052 --> 01:10:40,043 What are you talking about? He always has it. 1001 01:10:40,120 --> 01:10:43,521 - No, he gave it to me. - Did you find the files? 1002 01:10:43,590 --> 01:10:45,649 I don't even know what they-- What do they look like? 1003 01:10:45,726 --> 01:10:47,250 They're in the computer. 1004 01:10:47,327 --> 01:10:49,761 They're in the computer? 1005 01:10:49,830 --> 01:10:52,697 Yeah, they're definitely in there. I don't know how he labeled them. 1006 01:10:52,766 --> 01:10:55,135 - I got it. - You gotta figure it out. 1007 01:10:55,268 --> 01:10:59,034 We're running out of time. Find them and meet me at the show. 1008 01:10:59,105 --> 01:11:00,470 Roger. 1009 01:11:01,608 --> 01:11:04,202 In the computer. 1010 01:11:04,277 --> 01:11:06,507 It's so simple. 1011 01:11:06,613 --> 01:11:09,878 Hey, I just cut up a couple of cantaloupe halves... 1012 01:11:09,949 --> 01:11:12,179 with some cottage cheese, if you're hungry. 1013 01:11:12,252 --> 01:11:14,379 Not the right time. I need to figure out this trigger... 1014 01:11:14,454 --> 01:11:17,048 before Derek kills the Malaysian prime minister. 1015 01:11:17,123 --> 01:11:19,887 You just seem a little tense. I was trying to help you relax. 1016 01:11:19,959 --> 01:11:23,190 Relax? The last thing I need to do right now is rela-- 1017 01:11:25,899 --> 01:11:27,833 - That's it. - Let's go, people! 1018 01:11:27,901 --> 01:11:31,234 Let's go! Vagrants and whores, you're wanted in Makeup! 1019 01:11:31,304 --> 01:11:33,238 Runaways and street hustlers, you're next! 1020 01:11:33,306 --> 01:11:36,332 - You had us worried, Derek. - Everything's cool. 1021 01:11:36,409 --> 01:11:39,344 - I'm really psyched for the show. - Good. 1022 01:11:39,412 --> 01:11:43,849 Just remember, relax. 1023 01:11:43,917 --> 01:11:46,078 Two minutes, Derek. 1024 01:11:46,152 --> 01:11:49,246 Ah, there he is. 1025 01:11:49,322 --> 01:11:52,689 I just want to wish you good luck. 1026 01:11:52,759 --> 01:11:55,057 Don't you mean "good-bye"? 1027 01:11:55,128 --> 01:11:57,096 What are you talking-- 1028 01:12:01,101 --> 01:12:03,092 I know it was you, Maury. 1029 01:12:03,169 --> 01:12:04,761 I know it was you... 1030 01:12:04,838 --> 01:12:07,068 and it breaks my heart. 1031 01:12:07,140 --> 01:12:09,267 Derek, I don't know what you're talking-- 1032 01:12:11,711 --> 01:12:15,044 Derek, I'm-- 1033 01:12:16,649 --> 01:12:19,447 I'm sorry. 1034 01:12:26,126 --> 01:12:27,616 Glad you could join us, Kmart. 1035 01:12:28,495 --> 01:12:31,197 Lucky for you, there is no dress code. 1036 01:12:32,965 --> 01:12:34,933 I am vile spew... 1037 01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:37,901 of the wretched masses. 1038 01:12:37,970 --> 01:12:42,270 I am really, really dirty. 1039 01:12:42,341 --> 01:12:44,366 I am Derelicte! 1040 01:12:59,058 --> 01:13:01,583 You make me sick to my stomach, Jaco. 1041 01:13:03,496 --> 01:13:05,430 It'll all be over soon. 1042 01:13:05,498 --> 01:13:08,956 Derek Zoolander will be dead, and you'll be fine. 1043 01:13:09,034 --> 01:13:10,467 You always are. 1044 01:13:10,536 --> 01:13:12,094 Come on, Derek. You're on. 1045 01:13:14,406 --> 01:13:16,340 Break a leg, Derek. 1046 01:13:50,276 --> 01:13:51,641 It's "Relax"! 1047 01:13:52,444 --> 01:13:55,709 I'm fine. I've done this a thousand times. 1048 01:13:56,549 --> 01:13:58,176 The trigger! It's "Re"-- 1049 01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:13,153 Concentrate, Derelicte. 1050 01:14:13,232 --> 01:14:17,134 Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities. 1051 01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,000 Celebrities. 1052 01:14:25,477 --> 01:14:30,676 Do what you've been trained to do, and kill the prime minister! 1053 01:14:43,929 --> 01:14:45,396 Just do it already! 1054 01:14:55,174 --> 01:14:56,266 I got your back! 1055 01:14:57,343 --> 01:14:58,537 What? 1056 01:15:01,313 --> 01:15:02,678 It's that damn Hansel! 1057 01:15:02,748 --> 01:15:04,238 He's so hot right now! 1058 01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:07,583 Popping and locking, fool! 1059 01:15:10,422 --> 01:15:12,014 They're break-dance fighting. 1060 01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:20,724 Derek Zoolander just tried to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. 1061 01:16:22,428 --> 01:16:25,192 That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone. 1062 01:16:25,264 --> 01:16:27,494 Mugatu's a dick! 1063 01:16:27,566 --> 01:16:30,797 He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude. 1064 01:16:32,738 --> 01:16:36,196 That's a lie! Zoolander snapped because he's over the hill! 1065 01:16:36,275 --> 01:16:38,675 He knew his career was over, and he couldn't face it. 1066 01:16:38,744 --> 01:16:43,772 No way. We got 30 years of files right here in this computer! 1067 01:16:43,849 --> 01:16:46,283 They're gonna bring you down! 1068 01:16:46,352 --> 01:16:47,649 Oh, no. 1069 01:16:47,720 --> 01:16:48,687 Down! 1070 01:16:53,559 --> 01:16:54,890 Where did all the files go? 1071 01:16:56,095 --> 01:16:57,995 Ha! I'm taking you out! 1072 01:16:58,864 --> 01:17:01,298 - Yo, taste my pain, bitch! - Huh? 1073 01:17:06,205 --> 01:17:08,901 - Yes! - Deal with that! 1074 01:17:12,644 --> 01:17:15,807 You don't have the guts, Kmart! 1075 01:17:15,881 --> 01:17:17,712 Wanna bet? And by the way... 1076 01:17:17,783 --> 01:17:19,580 you were wrong about my outfit. 1077 01:17:19,651 --> 01:17:23,087 It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection, and I got it at J.C. Penney. 1078 01:17:24,123 --> 01:17:26,023 On sale. 1079 01:17:30,329 --> 01:17:34,060 Jig's up, Mugatu. Everything they're saying is true. 1080 01:17:34,133 --> 01:17:36,158 I've been in on it for 30 years. 1081 01:17:36,235 --> 01:17:38,601 What are you doing, Ballstein? 1082 01:17:38,670 --> 01:17:41,867 I'm done, Jaco. I got a prostate the size of a honeydew... 1083 01:17:41,940 --> 01:17:43,874 and a head full of bad memories. 1084 01:17:43,942 --> 01:17:45,910 It's time to set things straight. 1085 01:17:45,978 --> 01:17:50,176 You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything. 1086 01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:53,878 I got two words for you, sugar-- Zip disk. 1087 01:17:53,952 --> 01:17:57,046 The whole thing is in my den in Long Island. 1088 01:17:57,122 --> 01:17:59,454 I can have that evidence here in 20 minutes. 1089 01:17:59,525 --> 01:18:01,459 - That a boy, Maury. - Hold on a second. 1090 01:18:01,527 --> 01:18:04,087 I'm afraid of the radiation. 1091 01:18:06,465 --> 01:18:08,933 Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen. 1092 01:18:09,001 --> 01:18:12,767 I need you to bring that Zip disk in the den down to the fashion show. 1093 01:18:14,373 --> 01:18:16,568 I don't care what the traffic is like. 1094 01:18:17,776 --> 01:18:20,609 Take the goddamn service road and get off before the bridge. 1095 01:18:22,047 --> 01:18:24,379 So put it in one of those Tupperware containers... 1096 01:18:24,450 --> 01:18:26,441 and I'll heat it up in the microwave when I get home. 1097 01:18:27,386 --> 01:18:32,449 For Christ's sake, it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay! 1098 01:18:32,524 --> 01:18:33,923 Shut up! 1099 01:18:33,992 --> 01:18:35,789 Enough already, Ballstein! 1100 01:18:35,861 --> 01:18:38,762 Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? 1101 01:18:38,831 --> 01:18:41,994 The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! 1102 01:18:42,067 --> 01:18:44,900 Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? 1103 01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:47,063 They're the same face! 1104 01:18:48,073 --> 01:18:52,806 Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! 1105 01:18:54,012 --> 01:18:57,106 I invented the piano key necktie! 1106 01:18:57,182 --> 01:18:59,275 I invented it! 1107 01:18:59,351 --> 01:19:01,911 What have you done, Derek? Nothing! 1108 01:19:01,987 --> 01:19:05,184 You've done nothing! Nothing! 1109 01:19:06,024 --> 01:19:09,516 And I will be a monkey's uncle if I have you ruin this for me! 1110 01:19:09,595 --> 01:19:12,462 Because if you can't get the job done, then I will! 1111 01:19:13,232 --> 01:19:15,359 Die, you wage-hiking scum! 1112 01:19:19,738 --> 01:19:21,000 One look? 1113 01:19:22,074 --> 01:19:25,771 One look? I don't think so! 1114 01:19:38,123 --> 01:19:39,613 There it is! 1115 01:19:39,691 --> 01:19:40,817 Magnum! 1116 01:19:41,894 --> 01:19:43,657 Holy moly. 1117 01:19:43,729 --> 01:19:46,960 Yeah, baby! That's what I've been waiting for! 1118 01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:49,398 Dear God. 1119 01:19:49,468 --> 01:19:51,231 It's beautiful. 1120 01:20:04,550 --> 01:20:06,984 Yeah! 1121 01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:15,386 That's my kid. 1122 01:20:15,460 --> 01:20:17,915 That's my son. 1123 01:20:18,882 --> 01:20:20,611 Whoa! Yeah! 1124 01:20:24,454 --> 01:20:28,686 I love that kid. Dumb as a stump, but I love him. 1125 01:20:28,759 --> 01:20:30,727 Oh, Derek, you did it! That was amazing! 1126 01:20:30,794 --> 01:20:33,024 I know. I turned left! 1127 01:20:34,131 --> 01:20:37,931 Yeah, that too. But you saved the prime minister of Malaysia! 1128 01:20:38,001 --> 01:20:40,231 Oh, right. Cool. 1129 01:20:40,304 --> 01:20:43,796 Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life. 1130 01:21:10,948 --> 01:21:14,645 Hi, I'm former male supermodel Derek Zoolander. 1131 01:21:14,718 --> 01:21:17,778 Here, at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good... 1132 01:21:17,855 --> 01:21:20,050 and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too... 1133 01:21:20,124 --> 01:21:22,558 we teach students of all ages... 1134 01:21:22,626 --> 01:21:25,527 everything they need to know to learn to be a professional model... 1135 01:21:25,596 --> 01:21:27,860 and a professional human being. 1136 01:21:27,931 --> 01:21:30,923 Our diverse faculty includes business management teacher... 1137 01:21:31,001 --> 01:21:33,799 and former model agent Maury Ballstein. 1138 01:21:33,871 --> 01:21:35,839 The designer's got your nuts in a vise... 1139 01:21:35,906 --> 01:21:37,999 offering you ten million plus three percent... 1140 01:21:38,075 --> 01:21:40,236 of every pair of underwear sold. 1141 01:21:40,310 --> 01:21:42,244 What are you gonna do? 1142 01:21:42,312 --> 01:21:45,577 Screw him! Hold out for more! 1143 01:21:45,649 --> 01:21:48,049 That's what I'm talking about! 1144 01:21:48,118 --> 01:21:50,746 So join now, because at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids... 1145 01:21:50,821 --> 01:21:53,756 Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too... 1146 01:21:53,824 --> 01:21:55,849 we teach you that there's more to life... 1147 01:21:55,926 --> 01:21:58,190 than just being really, really, really good-looking. 1148 01:21:58,262 --> 01:22:00,162 - Right, kids? - Right! 1149 01:22:00,230 --> 01:22:01,663 And cut! 1150 01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:05,594 - Looks great. I think we got it. - All right, Mitch. Thanks. 1151 01:22:05,669 --> 01:22:08,331 - All right! That's a wrap! - Hey, Hansel. 1152 01:22:08,405 --> 01:22:11,568 I'm gonna take these kids over to the George Washington Bridge... 1153 01:22:11,642 --> 01:22:13,576 give them a little lesson in base jumping. 1154 01:22:13,644 --> 01:22:16,511 - Catch you at the teacher's lounge? - All right. 1155 01:22:16,580 --> 01:22:19,743 All right, guys. Last one to the helicopter's a rotten egg. Let's go! 1156 01:22:22,853 --> 01:22:25,879 - There's Daddy! Hi. - Hey. 1157 01:22:25,956 --> 01:22:27,617 - How's Derek, Jr.? - He's great. 1158 01:22:27,691 --> 01:22:29,921 Guess what. He made his first look today. 1159 01:22:29,993 --> 01:22:33,053 - Really? - You wanna show Daddy your look? 1160 01:22:38,635 --> 01:22:39,602 Wow. 1161 01:22:40,671 --> 01:22:43,868 - Wanna hang out for story hour? - Great. Yeah. Let's go. 1162 01:22:43,941 --> 01:22:47,570 - Hey, who wants to hear a story? - Yeah!