[ Drumroll ]
[ Orchestral fanfare ]
♪♪ [ Orchestra ]
♪ Everybody loves a baby ♪
♪ And it might as well be you ♪
♪ Pretty baby ♪
♪♪ [ orchestra continues ]
♪ Pretty baby ♪
♪ I'd like to be your sister ♪
♪ Brother, dad and mother too ♪
♪ Pretty baby ♪
♪♪ [ Whistling ]
♪ Pretty baby ♪♪
Hey. Hey, you!
Hey, come here a minute, will ya?
Were you addressing me? Yeah.
Is this hummingbird hill up here?
That is the name of this community, yes.
I'm trying to find 21 carvers Lane. They phoned for a cab.
Oh. Someone going away?
How would I know? They want a cab, that's all.
You know where it is? I do.
You continue on and turn left into the first street. It is the fourth house on the right.
Thanks, buddy. You're entirely welcome.
Say, you mind telling me what you're doing with that feather?
I am cross-pollinating a specimen of the family iridaceae.
Come again?
I am trying to develop a new strain of Iris. I breed them.
No kidding! You mean, like some guys breed cocker spaniels?
The principle, believe it or not, is identical.
Clarence! Uh, yes, mother?
What did that taxi man want?
He's looking for 21 carvers Lane, mother.
What on earth do the Harry kings need a cab for?
[ Cab engine starts ] I don't know, mother!
- Well, why didn't you ask him? - I did!
But he doesn't know either, mother! Oh!
You never find out anything.
[ Sighs ]
Better drink it now before it gets cold.
Never mind the milk. Wheel me over to that other window, quickly.
Careful, now. Hurry. Hurry.
[ Toddler wailing, crying ]
[ Wailing, crying continue] [ Dog barking ]
[ Boy ] Henry! Henry! Come back here!
Henry! Henry! Come back here!
Henry! Come back here!
Hey! Get this dog off of me! Get him off!
He's a watchdog! He's supposed to bite strangers!
It's all right. He won't hurt ya. Come on, Henry.
What's the matter? don't you like dogs?
- [ Door opens ] - [ Crying continues ]
Yes? Oh, Roddy, will you please stop crying.
You sent for a cab, lady. [ Crying continues ]
You've come to the wrong house. I didn't phone for a cab...
[ shrieks ] Roddy, please stop!
This is number 21. Somebody from here phoned for a cab.
I'm sorry, but there must be some mistake.
There's no mistake, Mrs. King!
I phoned for a cab.
Really, Mrs. Maypole, I-I don't quite understand.
There's nothing to understand.
I'm quittin', that's all, and right now!
But you can't... you just can't walk out... that's what you think.
Want I should put 'em in the cab?
Yes, if you can get by them kids and that awful dog without gettin' 'em smashed.
I don't know what's upset you, but...
oh, you don't, huh? Well, I'll tell ya.
It's them three kids of yours that's upset me, and that horrible dog.
Upset me? They've driven me nuts!
I'll never take another job anywhere where they have kids or pets, so help me!
We had three children and a dog, Mrs. Maypole, when you came.
We didn't spring them on you unexpectedly.
I know. I should have my head examined.
Good day, Mrs. King!
And mail me them two days I got comin'.
[ Cab door closes ] [ Sighs ]
[ Engine starts ]
don't worry, mom. She was a pain in the neck.
She couldn't cook good either. You're a much better cook, mom.
[ Phone ringing ]
Hello.
Oh, good morning, Mrs. King. Just a moment, please.
- Yes? - Your wife, Mr. King, on two.
Right.
Oh.
Hello, honey. Say, Mr. Hammond wants us to...
what?
She didn't.
Why, the old bag!
The maid quit. Uh, it's just bill. You can talk.
What?
I said, in a way I'm glad to get rid of her.
All she did was guzzle beer all day.
What? Tonight?
But how can we? Who'll stay with the children?
Well, you'll just have to get a babysitter.
I've told you, Mr. Hammond wants you, me, bill and Edna to come for dinner tonight.
I don't know... yes!
Tell her Edna raised a stink too.
But she's going to find a sitter, or else.
But, uh... I...
honey, I can't argue with you now. I'm due in court.
I'll see you later. And start phoning sitters.
Well, okay, I'll try.
Bye.
[ Sighs ] [ Crack ]
[ Boy laughing ]
Oh, Roddy, for heaven's sake!
Oh! [ Crying ]
[ Brakes squeak ]
[ Door closes ] [ Car engine accelerates ]
[ Boys imitating gunfire ]
Hi, pop! Hi!
Hiya, fellas.
[ Groans ] Henry! Get off of me!
Get off! Get away!
[ Sighs ] Hot enough for ya, pop?
Can't you kids train that big ox not to jump on people?
He's glad to see ya. Oh, he's glad to see everybody.
What you got? Ice cream.
Oh, boy! That's super!
[ Cat yowling ] [ Henry barking ]
Henry! Leave that cat alone! Henry!
Stop it! Henry! Come back here!
Henry! Come back here! [ Barking continues ]
Hi.
[ Italian accent ] Hello, kiddo. I bring you the stuff like you say.
Strawberry ice cream.
Chocolate cookies. Ginger ale.
Cottage cheeses? Okay? Thanks, honey.
Say, lady, uh, before your husband comes home,
how about a little kiss, huh?
You picked a fine time to be funny.
Oh, don't worry, honey. You'll find another maid.
I'm not even going to try.
La Maypole was a horrible extravagance.
We just can't afford a maid right now. You know that.
Unless, of course, you got that raise. Did you?
No.
But being invited to the boss's house for dinner is a hopeful sign.
Who'd you get for a sitter? I didn't.
And I phoned at least 15 of the little darlings.
Well, we've still got time. I'll get busy on it while you feed the kids.
Hope you have better luck than I did.
Hello? May I speak with Dorothy, please?
Oh, I see. Thank you.
Well, the kids are put away for the night, thank goodness. Good.
It's so silly, dressing to go over there, just the six of us.
The hammonds always dress for dinner. They would.
You might as well give up. You're not going to get anybody at this hour.
Shh.
Hello? Hello, Agnes!
So glad I caught you in. [ Chuckles ]
This is Mr. King. I was just wondering if you...
oh, I see.
Well, can't you go bowling some other night?
Oh, no, sure, I understand. Good-bye.
[ Disgusted sigh ]
don't you think you'd better call Mr. Hammond and say that you can't get anybody?
And get fired for disobeying the royal command?
And why not?
The sooner you start out on your own and stop letting Mr. Hammond kick you around,
the better I like it.
Look, my love, for the last time,
there's more to starting a law practice than just hanging out a shingle.
You have to make contacts, take it by degrees.
The only way you can do that is with an established outfit.
You know I'm right, don't you?
I know you're a lot smarter than Mr. Hammond thinks you are.
Thank you.
What about that old duck we had a couple months ago with the wart on her nose?
Too late, darling. Edna got her.
Oh.
Hello. Is this Mrs. Phillips?
[ Chuckles ] Well, good evening.
This is Mr. King. Could I talk to Mabel, please?
There. You see? She's in.
[ Mrs. Phillips ] Oh, Mabel!
Yes, mother?
Mr. King on the phone. I guess he wants you to sit with his kids.
Not me! Not while I'm conscious. Not those kids.
Tell him I dropped dead!
Hello? Yes, I heard, Mrs. Phillips.
She just dropped dead.
Why, the...
fresh out of names, dear, or fresh out of charm?
Mm-mmm.
Well, we can always try Ginger.
- Oh, no, you don't. - Why? What's wrong with Ginger?
Well, in the first place she's a nitwit,
and in the second place she's got a silly, idiotic crush on you.
Oh, stop it, will you. don't act so innocent.
The last time she was here she tried to hold hands with you right under my very nose.
Can I help it if I'm irresistible to women?
Of course not, dear.
[ Sighs ] Well, okay.
Oh, all right. Go ahead and call her.
Personally, I think you've got a crush on her.
A child of 16?
Gosh, Mr. King, I'm so glad you called.
I just adore sitting with those darling children.
Good. That's a break for us. [ Chuckles ]
I had several other calls tonight to sit,
but I turned them all down 'cause I just hoped and prayed that you would call.
Gosh, you look so sharp in your tux.
Gosh!
[ Clears throat ] I just did a new paint job on my nails.
Like them, Mr. King? Yes. Fine.
I'm using a new perfume too.
It's called nuit d'amour. That's French.
Oh. It means "night of love. "
Like it?
Yes. It's keen.
Well, good night, Ginger. The children are all sound asleep.
But if you need me, I left the hammonds' phone number there on the desk.
Oh, yes. Here it is, Ginger.
Oh, thank you, Mr. King.
Have a nice time. Yes, Ginger, we will.
You don't mind if I make a few phone calls, do you?
A person gets so bored just sitting.
All right, Ginger, but please don't stay on the phone all the time.
And remember that the children are asleep.
I will.
- Good night, Ginger. - Good night.
She's so cute.
Are you quite sure you wouldn't like to stay home and sit with her, dear?
Well! What brought that on?
It's that perfume of Ginger's. It brings out the beast in me.
Oh, stop it! [ Both laughing ]
[ Muttering ] Five and six, 11, carry one, and eight...
if we'd had a little more gin this evening and less rummy...
yes. It wouldn't have been quite so gruesome.
Why, Edna, how you talk!
We ought to be honored that the hammonds invited us over.
Pipe down, will you.
You two broke even, but the hammonds lost $5.20 to us. Ha!
Lost? Look here, pal, the hammonds had better win.
That is, if you expect to get that raise.
[ Silverware clinking ] And so I said to the woman,
you couldn't possibly find a better lawyer than Mr. Hammond.
Well, Harry, figure the score?
What's the bad news? Good news, sir.
You and Mrs. Hammond are the only winners... $5.20.
Aha! You see? Concentration and memory.
Qualities which you two young fellas would do well to acquire. Yes, sir.
You won $1.20 from us...
And $4.00 from the Philbys.
[ Mr. Hammond ] Good! Good! I should say it is.
We never win. [ Doorbell rings ]
Why, who on earth could that be at this hour?
I-I'll go, dear. You take cream and sugar, don't you, Tacey?
No, black, please.
How do you do, Horatio? Why, hello, Clarence. Come in. Come in.
I'm afraid this is rather late for a social call,
but I found a letter in my mailbox intended for you, Horatio,
and as I happened to be passing, I thought...
- good evening, Martha. - Hello, Clarence.
- [ Bill ] Good evening. - How do you do?
Ah, here we are.
I cannot think how the mailman could have been so careless.
Oh, I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid I opened it before I realized.
Of course I didn't read it. Thank you, Clarence.
[ Mrs. Hammond ] Anything important, dear? No, no. Just a circular.
Won't you join us in a cup of a coffee and a sandwich?
Oh, do. There's more than aplenty.
I really should be getting back to mother, but perhaps I could stay for a snack.
Of course you can. She'll be all right.
You take sugar, don't you, Clarence? Three lumps, please.
How are all the little irises coming along, Mr. Appleton?
[ Chuckles ]
I must confess, I'm quite surprised to find you and your wife here, Mr. King.
- Why? - I just strolled past your house.
I felt sure you would be at your own party.
Party? [ Harry ] Not at our house.
Oh, yes, indeed. The house was blazing with lights.
I could hear the music halfway down the block.
As I went by, I saw your guests dancing.
You and your Ginger.
♪♪ [ Record player: Swing ]
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Oh. Hello.
We, uh... we didn't think you'd be back so soon.
So it appears. [ Boy ] Hi, pop.
We've been watching 'em dance!
You kids run upstairs to bed.
Go ahead. Hurry up.
The idea, letting the baby out of bed at this hour. Are you out of your mind?
Gosh, Mrs. King, I hope you're not sore just because I invited a few friends.
♪♪ [ Stops ] A person'd go absolutely mad with nothing to do but sit.
If I were your mother, heaven forbid,
I'd make it extremely painful for you tossit for the next few days.
I think you'd better have your friends...
gosh, Mr. King, I feel so sorry for you.
She has a terrible disposition, hasn't she?
♪♪ [ Whistling ]
Oh. ♪♪ [ Continues whistling ]
Well? Oh! [ Chuckles ]
What do you want? Good morning, Mr. Taylor.
I was just admiring your bed of black Iris. You keep away from my Iris.
I haven't forgotten yet what you said about me and that girl from the florist shop.
I merely said... just "merely" keep your mouth shut!
Well! Huh!
[ Exhales ]
Oh, good morning, Mr. Mcpherson. Mmm.
Must have been quite a party you had last night.
Would you like a list of the guests who got cockeyed, or have you already got it?
There's no need to be unpleasant.
I merely made a friendly observation. Well, make it someplace else.
♪♪ [ Whistling continues ]
Henry! Henry! [ Barking ]
Why are you tickling that flower? Yeah, why?
I am not tickling it, little boy. I am gathering...
[ clears throat ] Just run along. I have your mother's permission.
We won't bother you. Tell us what you're doing.
Have you boys ever watched a Bumblebee flitting from flower to flower?
Sure. Well, I am doing just what the Bumblebee does.
Gosh! Can you sting too?
Run away and play.
Find it? It isn't upstairs.
Oh, what did I do with that thing?
Oh, there it is.
[ Harry ] What the devil is he doing?
Seems we have a very healthy male Iris,
and he asked if he could have some pollen so he could breed it to one of his.
We oughta charge him a stud fee.
Good-bye, honey.
Oh, uh, good morning, John. Good morning.
I'm going in. I'll save you a trip. Well, okay.
[ Harry ] Anything interesting, Mr. Appleton?
Oh, good morning, Mr. and Mrs. King.
The mailman asked me to hand these to you. Thank you.
Did you, uh, get all the pollen you needed?
Why, yes!
I believe it may produce a fascinating hybrid.
Glad to hear it.
Well, good-bye, Mr. King.
don't forget, we're entitled to the pick of the litter. [ Chuckling ]
Harry! Come here, quick!
I got an answer! Answer to what?
My ad! Huh?
I didn't want to tell you, but after that Ginger episode...
I put an ad in the Saturday review, and I've got a wonderful answer.
Ad for what? A babysitter, darling. A resident babysitter.
Oh, you're crazy. I knew you'd say that. That's why I didn't tell you.
Listen to what I put in:
"Somewhere there must be a struggling young person...
"Who would welcome a delightful room, private bath, full board...
"In exchange for sitting with three adorable children evenings...
"And some light housework.
Congenial, cultured atmosphere. Write fully: Box 2301."
Aren't you stretching things a bit, calling our three "adorable"?
Well, anyway, it seems to have snared her. This is her answer.
"Dear sir or madam, if not too late, I wish to apply for the position you advertised.
"I am engaged in a form of work which makes me indifferent to my surroundings,
"providing I have a place in which I can find solitude.
"I have studied psychology and am perfectly competent to handle children of all ages...
"With efficiency and dispatch.
Yours sincerely, Lynn Belvedere. "
don't you think she sounds marvelous?
Well, she writes a short, businesslike letter, yes, but what do we know about her?
Well, anyway, I'm going to follow this up.
Okay, go ahead. What can you lose?
See you tonight. Bye, honey.
[ Sighs ] That looks good.
Quit that. Did you get it out?
Sure. It hardly shows now.
If you kids let that dog in this house again, I'll wallop both of you.
Okay, okay.
Tacey?
Hey! Where is everybody?
[ Tacey ] We're up in the maid's room! Come on up!
I can't. There's a chair in the way. I know. It's stuck.
don't be so helpless. Climb over it.
Tony, would you leave that alone!
Look, boys, will you go downstairs and bring up that thing I told you.
Okay.
Hi! Hello.
Hello, darling. Hi.
Did you have a nice earthquake? Oh, we've been as busy as little beavers.
Isn't it wonderful? She's coming! Who?
Miss Belvedere. Huh?
The babysitter who wrote this morning. Oh.
I decided not to waste another moment,
so I sent her a long, straight wire giving her all the dope...
And she wired back, and I wired again, and this is what I got:
"Conditions acceptable. Arriving 9:35 tonight, union depot. Lynn Belvedere. "
[ Larry ] Hey, mom, pop! Give us a hand!
Come on. Make yourself useful.
Hurry up! This thing's heavy! [ Tony ] Mine too!
All right, boys, put them down until daddy moves the chair.
You mind telling daddy where his favorite chair is going?
Well, darling, she does have to have something comfortable to sit on.
And you're taking Nero up so she'll have an intellectual to talk to.
Right. [ Chuckles ]
In my ad I said that ours was a cultured, educated background.
It won't do the girl any harm to find out that at least isused to be a sculptor.
Yes, dear.
Besides, that'll take the curse off my being a low, uncouth, struggling attorney.
Mm-hmm. But you aren't struggling very intelligently right now.
It won't work, darling. I tried it for hours.
Stop giving orders and push. I'll get this thing out of here.
You kids get back out of the way.
Now, one great big push.
[ Loud grunt ] [ Tacey, boys laughing ]
Hey! Do something, will ya!
I can't imagine what's keeping them.
Maybe the train was late. They usually are.
Would you pick those cushions up for me?
I told those kids to stay out of there. [ Phone ringing ]
Hello?
Oh, bill, it's you. Yes, she's here.
Edna, it's bill. Oh?
Hello, sweetie.
No. No sign of them yet.
We're beginning to suspect that Harry took her to a bar to get her plastered first.
Well, don't stay over there too late. I have to get an early start in the morning.
Yes, I'll be home the minute she arrives with a blow-by-blow description.
Good-bye. [ Doorbell buzzes ]
Maybe that's them. But it can't be.
Harry's got his key.
Yes? Mrs. King? Mrs. Harry King?
Yes. Uh, good evening.
I am Lynn Belvedere.
You're who?
Lynn Belvedere.
But... but you can't be.
Why not? Have you ever seen me before? No.
No, of course I haven't.
Very well then.
How do you do?
Edna, this man claims that he's Lynn Belvedere.
[ Laughing ] I know. Edna, please.
I'm sorry. This is my friend, Mrs. Philby.
Oh, she doesn't live here.
Delighted.
This is quite a shock. You see...
well, we weren't expecting a...
[ chuckles ] Well, I naturally thought you were a woman.
You know.
Your advertisement, of which I have a copy here, made no mention of sex.
Possibly not, but it was obviously implied.
I advertised for someone to help with the housework and sit with my children.
Mrs. King, I happen to dislike all children intensely.
But I assure you that I can readily attend...
To their necessary, though unpleasant wants.
Sorry. I've just had a long and very trying journey in a day coach.
May I see my room?
Well, I...
look here, Mr. Belvedere, you're obviously here under false pretenses.
To the contrary.
If some young female arrived calling herself Lynn Belvedere,
she would be here under false pretenses.
May I please see my room?
But... but my husband isn't home yet.
That, if I may say so, is a matter of complete indifference to me.
I take it you are not retaining my services to sit with him.
Now, may I see my room?
Why... well...
I-I guess so.
Um, I-it's upstairs.
Good evening.
Boys, what are you doing up? Go back to sleep.
Is he a babysitter? Gee whiz!
Never mind now. Go to bed.
Oh, uh, these are my sons, Larry and Tony.
And the baby's asleep.
Mom, why is it a man?
Shh-shh-shh.
Uh, you see, Mr. Belvedere, they also thought that you were going to be a...
well, anyway, they seem to be quite fascinated by you.
The fascination, I assure you, is not mutual.
Which way, please? Oh.
[ Whispers ] Go to bed.
Gee whiz!
We, uh, tried to fix it up as nicely as we could.
I hope you like it.
After the obvious eliminations have been made,
I believe it will be entirely satisfactory.
For my work I require an atmosphere of spartan simplicity.
And may I ask what your profession is?
Certainly. I am a genius.
Satisfactory?
Eminently, as far as I can judge.
At the moment.
With this exception.
I'll change it.
[ Door closes ]
[ Laughing ]
Oh, brother! What am I going to do?
[ Door lock clicks ] Oh! It's Harry!
Oh, hello, dear. You back?
Back? You and your cockeyed classified ad.
She never even showed up.
I hung around the station till the Porter practically threw me out.
Darling, I've got something to tell you.
Uh... [ Laughing ]
While you were gone... what's so funny?
Go on! Tell him!
Well...
I'm afraid to! He'll kill me! Oh, shut up!
Mrs. King.
Before I retire for the night, may I inquire what time you serve breakfast?
Um... uh...
about 7:30, usually.
Thank you.
Perhaps I should tell you I'm a vegetarian.
I like fruit juice, coffee...
And thinly sliced gluten bread, toasted.
I'll, uh, try to remember.
Thank you. Good night.
Who in the heck was that?
That, darling, is Lynn Belvedere.
Huh?
[ Tacey, Edna laughing ]
[ Laughing, babbling ]
Now, Larry, that's enough sugar. Aw, mom!
Do you want to get another toothache?
Harry, will you please put down that paper and talk to me?
Well, what's the... what are we going to do about Mr. Belvedere?
Very simple.
As soon as he deigns to join us for breakfast, I'm going to kick him out...
Right on his ear.
I guess you're right. But you'll have to tell him. He scares me.
I think he's kinda cute. Me too.
Well, I don't!
And genius or no genius, I'm going up and tell him to get down here to breakfast.
I'll go with you. You boys sit down and finish your breakfast.
[ Roddy laughing ]
Roddy! For crying out loud!
Well, he's got a nerve!
Well, what's the difference? He's going anyway.
There's not a sound. He's probably still asleep.
Mr. Belvedere!
Maybe he's gone.
I hope so.
Ah. Good morning.
Oh, uh, we're sorry to dash in on you like this, but we did knock.
I don't doubt it, Mrs. King.
When I practice my yoga, I'm completely out of this world. I neither see nor hear a thing.
I take it breakfast is ready?
Yes, and the sooner you come down, the sooner...
I'll be with you in a minute, Mr. King.
Now, look here, you,
I'm not...
it's no use, dear. He's out of this world. He told you.
Oh, that's so sil...
I never heard of such a thing.
[ Babbling ]
don't do that, little boy.
Leave Mr. Belvedere alone, darling.
Uh, you should be flattered.
He hates strangers as a rule. [ Coos ]
Now, look here, Mr. Belvedere.
A joke is a joke, but this can't go on.
And why not, Mr. King?
I'm perfectly willing to carry out my end of our agreement.
I see no reason why you should default on yours.
But it's obviously impossible.
You couldn't do the things we require.
For instance, could you bathe Roddy?
For many years, I have successfully bathed individuals of all ages and sexes,
and I've never had any complaints.
[ Babbling ] don't do that again.
That's enough, Roddy. Now, stop it.
My wife tells me that, uh, you're a genius.
That is correct.
Well, if I'm not too inquisitive,
do you mind telling me what form it takes?
I am, in my way, a philosopher.
Oh, I see. You just sit and think.
Mr. King, if more people just sat and thought,
the world might not be in the stinking mess that it is.
Well, maybe you've got something there.
But, Mr. Belvedere, can you really handle children?
[ Babbles ] Mrs. King, as I told you last night,
I dislike children intensely,
and yours, if I may say so,
have peculiarly repulsive habits and manners.
However, I assure you I can cope with them successfully,
if given a free hand. [ Sneezes ]
Gesundheit. [ Clears throat ]
I better get down to the office.
So long, kids. I'll see you tonight. Bye, pop.
Bye. Walk out to the car with me, will you?
Uh, excuse me. Certainly.
You will remain seated.
Now eat your breakfast, and chew each mouthful 28 times.
Not 20, mind you, or 26,
but 28 times.
[ Squealing, giggling ]
Well, I don't know. What do you think?
Should we give the guy a whirl for a day or two?
We can try. At least the children seem to like him.
[ Roddy screams, crying ]
What's the matter? What happened? Why, Roddy!
Mrs. King, throughout this grisly meal, your son has been pelting me with cereal.
I've taught him an object lesson,
and, as you will observe, he doesn't like it.
I guarantee he will never throw cereal at me or anyone else again ever.
[ Roddy crying ]
Mr. Belvedere, consider yourself hired.
He's done that to me too. You've got something.
I couldn't agree with you more, Mr. King.
You might even say I have everything.
[ Tony ] Look, Larry. I'm up.
Hi! What goes with you two?
Mr. Belvedere taught us. It's "yogi. "
Feels swell. He says it relaxes you.
[ Chuckles ] Just be careful you don't relax so much you break your necks.
We won't.
[ Sniffs, sighs ]
♪♪ [ Humming ]
Hi, baby. Everything under control?
Hello, darling!
Oh, Harry, he's wonderful! Terrific!
He must be. He's already got the kids standing on their heads.
They love him. They've been as good as gold all day. No kidding?
They ate their lunch without a single argument.
He gave Roddy a bath, and there wasn't a peep out of him.
And look! The icebox... he's fixed it.
It's been on the blink for days.
Well, I'll be... [ Creaking ]
What's the matter with Henry? Is he sick? No, darling.
It seems that Mr. Belvedere used to be a dog trainer or something.
He had a long talk with Henry this morning, and ever since Henry has been quiet as a mouse.
Isn't it wonderful?
Sounds like a treasure. Oh, he is!
And in addition to everything else,
he makes the most divine combination salad you ever tasted.
Looks delicious.
There's just one thing...
he's sort of mysterious.
How do you mean?
[ Whispering ] Well, three times today, when he finished his chores,
he went upstairs and locked himself in his room.
I heard the lock click. I went up and listened, but I couldn't hear a sound.
What do you suppose he does up there?
[ Whispering ] Maybe he stands on his head. That doesn't make much noise.
Oh! Is he up there now?
No. He's out taking his constitutional.
[ Aloud ] Then why are we whispering?
[ Laughing ] Oh, I forgot.
He says he goes out for a constitutional every night before dinner.
[ Chuckles ]
I gave him a key to his room, but he doesn't know that I've got an extra one.
Would it be very unethical if... it most certainly would.
Let's go.
It turns all right, but nothing happens.
Here, clumsy. Let me do it.
You sure that's the right key?
Yes, of course it is.
That's funny. It doesn't work.
You're wasting your time, Mrs. King.
Hello. Good evening.
Knowing human nature as I do,
I suspected that you might try to snoop.
This is a new lock.
But it can't be. I didn't order a locksmith. It wasn't necessary.
I am an expert locksmith.
[ Sighs ]
I don't know, darling.
He may be all right, but let's face it... he is a screwball.
Oh, Harry, how can you say that?
He may be a little eccentric, but... excuse me, father.
It's time we washed our face and hands for dinner.
Mr. Belvedere says cleanliness is next to godliness.
We won't be long.
Need I say more?
Nope. I'm sold. [ Both chuckling ]
I'll say good night to Roddy.
You know, Mrs. King, it's really all your fault. Hmm?
If you weren't so darned pretty,
we wouldn't have so many kids for people to sit with.
[ Bell tolling ]
Uh, good morning, Belvedere.
You will kindly address me as Mr. Belvedere...
Until I Grant you permission to drop the title,
a contingency which seems hardly likely, Mr. Appleton.
Oh, well, really, I... I intended no offense.
Uh, tell me, Mr. Belvedere, are you completely happy with the Harry Kings?
Only an idiot is completely happy anywhere.
I understand those dear little boys are devoted to you...
And that Mrs. King considers you quite a treasure.
Indeed? Yes, indeed. And she should.
As my mother is always saying, good servants are worth their weight in gold.
The next time your parent makes that original observation,
tell her it's one of the older clichés.
Yes, I will. Incidentally, my mother is very anxious to make your acquaintance properly.
Perhaps you could drop in for a visit on your next afternoon off.
I am not a servant, Mr. Appleton. My afternoons are always my own.
Well, in that case, drop in anytime for a glass of Sherry.
I dislike Sherry as much as I deplore the habit of dropping in on people uninvited.
[ Chuckles ] But, Mr. Belvedere, I am inviting you.
And I, sir, am declining. Good day.
[ Chuckles ]
♪♪ [ Humming ]
Oh, here. Let me do the mouth. That's awful.
Okay, mommy. We all know you're a sculptress.
But hurry up. I wanna get this finished before the kids get home.
Relax. They won't be home for hours. Why?
Edna's taking them to her house after Sunday school.
They're going to have lunch with Susan and little bill.
Good morning, Mr. Belvedere.
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning, Mrs. King.
[ Harry ] Cold enough for you? Nippy, but it suits me.
How do you like our snowman?
Mr. King, you should have let your wife do the face.
I did the face.
Oh, well. It will soon melt.
[ Door closes ] What do you suppose he had in that package?
Darling, he's been here so long,
I've given up wondering about anything he does or has.
It made a noise. I distinctly heard a sort of metallic ticking.
So did I.
If he's doing anything illegal, we could get into trouble. You know that, don't you?
Do you suppose you could see from that limb there?
You go in the house and watch his door.
If he comes out, find some way to warn me. Okay.
[ Cracking ]
Mr. King? Hmm?
- [ Yells ] - [ Branches snap ]
[ Thud ]
Ow! Take it easy, will ya?
Kindly keep still. You're lucky that no bones are broken.
That's a very professional bandage.
There aren't many people who could do that.
That's substantially what general Pershing told me during the first world war.
You were a doctor too? A bone specialist.
Oh. Mr. Belvedere, is there anything you haven't been?
Yes, Mrs. King, I've never been an idler nor a parasite.
[ Bird chirps ]
Where on earth did that...
that, Mrs. King, was the package which you and Mr. King stared at so pointedly.
I'm opposed to the practice of exchanging gifts at any time.
But since you were gracious enough...
To give me three pairs of excellent woolen socks on the occasion of my birthday,
I tried to get something for your anniversary...
That would give pleasure to your entire family.
How very kind of you. Thank you, Mr. Belvedere.
Oh, he's beautiful. Does he sing?
Not yet, but, uh, I shall teach him.
[ Chirps ]
Darling, will six shirts be enough? Sure.
Oh, will you need your tux? [ Chuckles ]
Look, sweetie, I'm going to Chicago for a few days on business, not for fun.
Oh, it's getting late. don't worry. Bill will be here.
Edna said he has a business date downtown,
and he'll drop you off at the station on the way.
Let me see now. Socks, ties.
Oh, my shaving things. I forgot.
Hi, funny face. How's the bath coming? All right.
You gonna miss me when I'm gone, hmm? [ Babbling ]
What? [ Babbling ]
Oh, don't look at me like that and laugh. [ Both laughing ]
Are you having fun, huh?
Mr. King. Cutie, cutie. Huh?
I've been trying to teach Roddy that bathing is not a social function.
Kindly do not talk to him.
Now then, Roddy, put the cloth in the right hand, like that, and wash.
[ Door closes ] And no conversation.
I don't care how good he is. There are times when that genius gets on my nerves.
Oh, don't be so touchy. I'm mad about him.
Hmm. Let's see. Pullman tickets.
Money. Oh.
[ Horn honks ]
He'll be right down. He's saying good-bye to the kids.
Okay.
That guy's gonna miss his train. He'd better step on it.
[ Horn honking ]
Hurry up, dear. You haven't much time. Okay.
You boys be good now, and don't worry your mommy too much.
We won't. Good. Keep the home fires burning.
Bye, pop... father.
[ Chuckles ] Good-bye, son. Good-bye, Mr. Belvedere.
Good-bye, Mr. King, and don't worry.
During your absence, I shall endeavor to pinch-hit for you at every opportunity.
Thanks, Mr. Belvedere.
Yes, darling, I know we'll get along fine. [ Horn honking ]
Hmm. Come on. They're getting impatient.
Now, call me if you have time.
Oh, yes, while you're in Chicago, will you go by Marshall fields...
And see if they have Larry's size in those real heavy...
what's the matter? Forget something?
I can't go. Why?
Well, I can't leave you here alone with Belvedere.
Why not? Bel... are you out of your mind?
You seem to find him very attractive.
I find the Grand Canyon attractive, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with it.
You just got through saying you're mad about him.
I am. I'm insane with passion.
Hey, do you realize what time it is? I'm not going.
Not going? Well, why not?
This... this pillar of virtue has suddenly decided...
That it wouldn't be safe to leave me alone in the house with Mr. Belvedere.
Oh, are you kidding? That's not the point at all.
Look, I'm not suggesting that you and Belvedere will carry on while I'm gone.
Would you feel any better about your trip if your wife slept at our house while you're gone?
- Yes, I would. Definitely. - All right, it's settled then.
Just think, dear, Caesar's wife is going to sleep at our house.
Good-bye now. Of all the silly...
well, don't I get a kiss? No.
I'm a one-man woman, and my heart belongs to Belvedere.
Oh.
Thanks, Edna. Good-bye.
Bye. Have a good time. And don't you be late, bill.
I won't. [ Door closes ]
You know, I believe he was actually jealous.
That's very gratifying. [ Mr. Belvedere ] Most gratifying.
Although slightly suburban.
Mr. Belvedere, don't you consider eavesdropping a bit unethical?
Quite unethical, but, uh, fascinating.
I particularly enjoyed your comparing me to the Grand Canyon.
Now there's rugged grandeur.
I shall put that in my diary.
[ Groaning ]
[ Sniffles ]
Larry.
Huh?
Wake up. What's the matter with you?
My stomach hurts. Bad?
Yeah, awful.
You must have ate too much for supper.
Go on back to sleep and you'll feel better.
I can't. It hurts. Tell mom.
How can I? You know she's been sleeping over at the Philbys'.
But I want my mom! Shh!
Shut up.
It's nearly 3:00 in the morning,
and you'll wake up Roddy and Mr. Belvedere.
I don't care. Shh.
Look, Tony, I know. Why don't you stand on your head like Mr. Belvedere taught us?
I already tried, but I only threw up.
Okay. Okay. I'll wake him up, but he won't like it.
He won't mind. Oh, yes, he will.
He's a genius, and he needs eight hours undisturbed sleep.
He says so all the time.
[ Groaning ]
[ Sighs ] Here, Tony, drink this.
[ Groaning ]
What are you giving him? It's all right. It's just ice water.
The water bottle got smashed. Put it down.
Why? A drink of water might be good for him.
When your mother gets here, she can drown him in ice water as far as I'm concerned.
Until then, leave him alone, and put it down.
[ Groaning ]
Sure you're calling the right number?
Kindly credit me with enough intelligence not to lose my head in a crisis.
Of course I'm calling the right number.
[ Phone ringing ]
Hello. Yes.
What?
Oh, I'll call her right away.
What's the matter? What's wrong? It's Tony. He's sick.
Tacey. Tacey!
Hi, mom. How is he, dear? Is he any better?
I think so. A little better.
Tony, baby. Did you take his temperature?
No. I'm satisfied that he simply has a bellyache.
No more, no less. [ Tony groaning ]
Is the pain very bad, dear? Show me where it hurts. Right here.
Of course, I could have handled this crisis perfectly well myself,
only the child expressed a maudlin desire for his mother.
Come on, dear. I'll take you upstairs to bed.
There now. Are you all right? Uh-huh.
Mom, you gonna sleep here now?
No, I'm going back to Mrs. Philby's. Why?
Because... oh, well, never mind. It's a long story.
Now, you boys sleep late in the morning. I'll be here to get your breakfast.
And don't wake Mr. Belvedere. We won't.
And as for you, dopey, the next time you find a package of chewing gum,
be sure it is chewing gum.
[ Phone ringing ] [ Mr. Belvedere ] Hello. Hello.
Mrs. Philby, I have now informed you on three separate occasions...
That nature has resolved Tony's gastric disorder.
[ Footsteps approaching ]
Mrs. King will return in a few minutes.
No further bulletins will be issued. Good night.
Silly woman. I'm sorry you were disturbed, Mr. Belvedere.
I'm sure they'll go right to sleep now.
Whereas I shall be plagued with insomnia.
[ Doorbell buzzes ]
Now who could that be?
If you go to the door, you need not conjecture.
Oh. Oh, please pardon the intrusion, Mrs. King,
but I noticed all your lights go on,
and, uh, knowing your husband was away in Chicago,
I felt constrained to dash over to see if anything was wrong.
No, thank you. Everything is fine.
Well, just a neighborly call, you might say, to offer my services if needed.
[ Chuckles ]
Good evening. Or should I say good morning.
[ Scoffs ]
Did you borrow your mother's binoculars...
To ascertain that our lights had gone on? Oh, well, I, uh... I...
or were you perhaps looking for pollen for your irises?
Well?
I see that I am not needed.
Your vision is remarkably accurate.
Evil-minded little worm.
Do you know anyone who has a beehive? What?
A good swarm of bees could ruin his sheltered irises.
I know. But how could you get them to swarm?
Uh, now don't tell me you were also a beekeeper.
That is correct.
[ Chuckles ] Good night.
Here you are, Mrs. Gibbs. I know you'll enjoy it.
Thank you, Della. I certainly liked the last one you recommended.
Good. Do come in again. Oh, I will. Good-bye.
Good-bye, Mr. Appleton. Oh, Mrs. Gibbs.
So, what happened? Well, as I was saying,
last night, or rather early this morning,
I went over to the Harry kings' on an errand of mercy,
and bear in mind Mr. King has only been gone three days.
And there was Mr. Belvedere in his pajamas,
and Tacey King in a flimsy negligee.
Both of them cavorting about in the most shameless way... drinking gin.
Why, I think it's the most... what?
Oh, you're quite right, my dear. It's my duty to tell Horatio.
Yes, of course. He demands respectability above all things.
Mr. Hammond's office. Oh, yes, Mrs. Hammond. One moment, please.
Yes? Mrs. Hammond on the phone.
Oh, all right.
Yes, Martha, what is it?
No!
Why, that's outrageous.
And both of them drunk?
Well, go on.
What else did she say that Clarence told her to tell you to tell me?
Uh-huh.
Hello, girls. [ Women ] Hello, Mr. King.
How are you, Peggy? Everything under control?
Oh, yes, Mr. King, and we got your wire.
Mr. Hammond was very pleased that the matter was settled.
Swell. Uh, get my house for me, will ya? I haven't been home yet.
But, Mr. King, Mr. Hammond wanted to see you the moment you came in.
Oh. Okay. I'll call the house later.
And that's where I nailed him.
He didn't have a comeback.
So, he talked it over with his clients, and they signed on the dotted line.
Very good. Very good, Harry.
Now, Mr. Hammond, uh, how about that raise?
Uh, before we discuss that, Harry,
there is something of a personal nature,
of a very distressing nature,
which I feel it my duty to take up with you.
I don't know what you're driving at.
I am driving at this... this Belvedere person.
Belvedere? Well, what's Belvedere got to do with it?
Information has reached me, Harry, to the effect that during your absence,
your wife and this Belvedere...
Have been having quite a time for themselves.
[ Edna ] Gee, Tacey, I think it's swell.
But do you think you've really done justice to his nose?
Edna, will you wait till it's finished?
I think it's darling of you, Mr. Belvedere, to give Tacey a chance to practice like this.
My motives, Mrs. Philby, are not entirely unselfish.
Someday they will need a bust of me in the hall of fame.
The only virtue you lack, Mr. Belvedere, is modesty.
- I do not consider that a virtue. - Oh, I do.
That's what I like about Harry. He's so modest.
Your husband has a great deal to be modest about.
[ Clears throat ]
It amazes me how anybody can take wet mud, mash it around and make it look like somebody.
Ladies, please. May I suggest less conversation and more sculpture?
Oh, all right, all right. This is very wearing.
I'm sorry. It's my fault. I just meant to stop in for a moment.
I'll scram. Good-bye, Mr. Belvedere. So long, sweetie.
Bye. [ Door opens, closes ]
Your jaw isn't right. My jaw is perfect.
Your reproduction is at fault.
You obviously have never studied anatomy. Have you?
I have dissected many a cadaver.
Come here.
Now, if you place your fingertips...
At the base of my jaw, so,
you can feel where the orbicularis oris operates.
Now then, the jawbone.
That's okay.
[ Tacey ] Mmm, do it some more.
[ Bird chirps ]
Well, this is a cozy little scene.
Harry! I didn't expect you till tonight. Obviously.
Would you mind telling me just what you were doing?
I was permitting your wife to massage my larynx.
And I might add, Mr. King, that your greeting to your wife...
Is scarcely cordial, to say the least.
You keep out of this. I'll greet my wife any way I like.
Harry, what's the matter with you? Oh, it's a fine thing.
I'm not back 10 minutes before Hammond reads me the riot act about all this gossip.
Gossip? What gossip? What are you talking about?
Gossip about you and Belvedere, that's what I'm talking about.
And I don't mind telling you it's jeopardizing my position.
Oh, stop ranting. You're not in court.
Now look here, Tacey... and stop raising your voice.
I'll raise the roof if I want to.
Very well.
Oh, Tacey, I... I'm willing to believe...
That all these rumors about a drunken orgy...
In your nightclothes with Belvedere are somewhat garbled, but...
so that's it. Mr. Appleton's fine hand.
But, my gosh, when I came in the house just now,
you were practically holding him in your arms.
For heaven's sake, you saw what I was doing.
She was merely feeling my bone structure.
You shut up and listen. I've been listening.
All I can hear is a typical suburban husband...
Reacting in a typically stupid and stuffy matter...
To a typical tempest in a teapot.
He's right. And as for that drunken orgy you were talking about,
Tony got us all up in the middle of the night with a stomachache.
I dashed over from Edna's, and I wasn't in the house a half an hour...
When that horrible little Mr. Appleton came snooping around.
Oh. Well, I imagined it was something like that.
Look, I'll admit it is all pretty silly.
- Very silly. - But...
go on.
Well, I was just thinking that perhaps it might be simpler...
For everybody all around if... if Mr. Belvedere sought employment elsewhere.
In other words, to satisfy malicious gossips like Mr. Hammond,
Mr. Appleton and his awful mother, you want to kick Mr. Belvedere out.
[ Harry ] In a word, yes.
That is your final decision, Mr. King?
Yes. I'm sorry, but that's final.
No, daddy, no!
Please let him stay. Please, daddy.
don't go, Mr. Belvedere. Please! Shh. Quiet, quiet.
Your father's not the type to be swayed by sentimental pleading.
don't let him go, daddy. Please!
We love Mr. Belvedere.
don't go, uncle Lynn.
don't ever again, as long as you live, dare to call me uncle.
By no stretch of the imagination could I possibly be a relative of yours.
My name is Mr. Belvedere.
Is that clear? Yes.
Yes, sir? Yes, sir.
That's better. [ Roddy screams ]
[ Crying ]
What the heck is the matter with him?
Children are psychic, Mr. King.
They can sense impending disaster.
[ Screaming continues ]
Okay, I know when I'm licked.
All right, all right, he can stay. Shut up!
[ Screaming stops ]
[ Bird chirping ]
♪♪ [ Orchestra ]
Harry wasn't so dumb to stay home.
I could scalp him for talking me into coming to this thing.
What that lecturer knows about child psychology could be engraved on a peanut.
Talking about peanuts, you hungry? Yes, and thirsty too.
What about going in here for a snack?
A little bit expensive, isn't it?
Yes, but the music's worth it. Come on. Let's splurge.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
♪♪ [ Ends ]
Hey, look, Mr. Belvedere. It's Mrs. King and Mrs. Philby.
It is indeed. Well, they better not see us here together.
I'll blow. You have wisdom beyond your years, my dear.
Thanks very much for these notes. They'll be invaluable to me.
You are a mine of information. Oh, that's all right.
Well, so long, and, uh, thanks for the ham sandwich.
And coffee, please. Right away.
Look.
Well, I'll be darned. That's very funny.
I've often wondered what he did with his evenings off.
Uh-oh, he's coming over. You'd better get rid of him.
You don't wanna start those tongues wagging again.
On the contrary, I'd like to give them something to wag about.
Good evening. Hello, Mr. Belvedere.
Mrs. Philby. May I join you? Of course.
Yes, please do. Thank you.
I-I suppose I should make it clear that I'm very sorry...
That I've neither the means nor the presumption to pay for your refreshments.
Oh, that's perfectly all right. Edna and I always go Dutch too.
♪♪ [ Continues ] Oh, I just love this number.
I adore dancing, but bill simply loathes it.
So does Harry.
Do you dance too, Mr. Belvedere? I dance extremely well.
I suppose you learned from Arthur Murray.
No, I taught Arthur Murray.
Would you care to dance, Mrs. King? Oh, I'd love to.
Excuse us.
Good-bye. Good-bye.
Oh, Mrs. Frisbee, I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoyed your lecture.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Appleton. And I know that my dear mother enjoyed it too.
What did you say, Clarence? Speak up! I was telling Mrs. Frisbee...
oh, this darned thing's on the blink again.
Mr. Belvedere, you dance divinely.
Yes, I do.
[ Harry exhales ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Grumbles ] Hello, darling.
You're kinda late, aren't you?
We were hungry. We stopped and had a bite to eat. And you know what?
Good lecture? Horrible.
Then what did you stay so long for?
Well, darling, if you'll turn around and listen, I'll tell you why.
Oh, no, I'm sleepy.
But... but, darling, I want to tell you what happened.
Yeah, well, tell me in the morning.
Okay. Happy dreams. [ Grunts ]
Yes, Mr. Hammond? Harry, will you step in here a moment?
Right away.
Yes?
Sit down, Harry.
Harry, the firm of Horatio J. Hammond and associates...
Has a spotless name in this community.
So? So, I consider it mandatory...
For all those connected with the firm and their families...
Never to incur the slightest gossip of a scandalous nature.
Are you still harping about those stupid rumors that started while I was in Chicago?
I do not harp. That was quite awhile ago.
I am now referring to an incident which took place only last night.
A most deplorable incident, which has just come to my ears.
Involving whom?
Involving your wife, Harry,
and involving this Belvedere, whom you are sheltering.
Now look here, Mr. Hammond, this has gone far enough.
If you will sit down, Harry, I will furnish you with full details.
Harry, it hurts me deeply to tell you this, but...
[ tires skid ]
Hello, darling. You're home early.
Why didn't you tell me you were out dancing with this man last night?
Now what have you heard?
Answer my question. Why didn't you tell me?
Because you were sleepy and disagreeable when I got home and wouldn't listen.
I tried to tell you. Then why didn't you tell me this morning at breakfast?
I can be sleepy and disagreeable too.
Our meeting was purely coincidental, Mr. King, but most enjoyable.
Then you admit it. Certainly. Moreover, he dances like a Saint.
I don't care if he dances like Saint Vitus himself. What about me?
You dance very badly, dear.
Look, Tacey, your conduct is making me the laughingstock of hummingbird hill.
Why, Mr. Hammond practically gave me an ultimatum that if I didn't...
stop shredding that lettuce!
Life must go on, Mr. King.
Yeah, well, it's not going on with you in the house.
Harry, I think you'd better pull yourself together...
And apologize to both of us for this ridiculous scene.
Apologize? I should apologize because of your indiscretions?
Very well.
Until you come to your senses and stop letting Mr. Hammond run our lives,
I'm going to take Roddy and go home to mother.
Go right ahead. It's perfectly all right with me.
[ Scoffs ]
It would be hard to tell which of you is behaving more foolishly,
but, Mr. King, I think you have a slight edge.
You keep out of this!
Harry, listen.
Oh, you still here. I thought you were going home to your mother.
Very well, if that's the way you feel about it.
That's exactly the way I feel about it.
I agree with Mr. Belvedere. You're acting like...
that's the whole trouble. You always agree with Mr. Belvedere.
Well, what are you waiting for? Nothing.
Now I know where we stand.
Well, you've smashed up my home. I hope you're satisfied.
Stupidity never gives me satisfaction, Mr. King.
Your wife is right. You owe her an abject apology.
If she thinks I'm gonna come crawling on my knees to ask forgiveness,
she's got another thing coming.
I'm going out and get good and drunk.
Intoxication is a form of escape, often sought by the mentally immature.
Oh!
It's all there was. Oh.
Nothing from Harry?
Oh, Harry doesn't write. I don't even expect to hear from him.
Why, of course not, dear.
That's why you leap for the door when the mail comes or when the telephone rings.
- I never could fool either of you for long. - No, dear.
Sometimes you were able to pull the wool over your father's eyes,
but never over mine.
Okay, then. We had a fight.
- About this Mr. Belvedere? - Yes.
Oh, Harry's such a fool.
He was seething with ridiculous suspicion and jealousy. I could have wrung his neck.
When a woman wants to wring her husband's neck, she's usually in the wrong.
Well, anyway, he could have phoned or sent a postcard or something, after three days.
You're the one who walked out.
Have you phoned or sent a postcard? After what he said to me?
Oh, go ahead. Call him up.
I will not. Why, he practically accused me of...
okay, so he flew off the handle.
Harry was always that way, dear, full of Ginger.
Ginger. Yes.
Look, dad, you and mother can go on your fishing trip.
don't bother about me. I'll stay here with Roddy. We'll be all right.
What's the matter with you? Nothing.
Finish your homework?
Pop, when's mom coming home?
Oh, I don't know. A few days.
Why did she go?
Well, I guess she got lonesome for grandma.
Well, I'm lonesome for her.
So's Tony.
Aren't you? Sure. Sure.
Why don't you call her up? She's been gone a whole week.
Go on, pop. Call her.
Why don't you run upstairs? It's almost bedtime.
Okay.
Pop, what's a moron?
Well, it's someone who isn't very bright. You know, a dope.
Oh. Why do you ask?
Because that's what somebody said you were.
Who said that?
Well, uh... [ Footsteps approaching ]
Where do you think you're going? Out.
It's Thursday, my evening off. Remember?
Did you tell my kids I was a moron?
I most assuredly did not.
But, uh, Mr. King, if you wish it kept a secret, you should not act like one.
Take my advice. Bury your idiotic pride and telephone your wife.
When I want your advice, I'll ask for it.
Good evening. Good night.
And don't bother to come back, except for your clothes. You're through.
You can't mean that, Mr. King.
Bear in mind that in your wife's absence,
you will be quite helpless without me.
I have half a mind to punch you right in the nose, just on general principles.
It takes half a mind to resort to such measures.
Why, you... oh! Oh!
I neglected to tell you that in my youth,
I was quite expert in the art of fisticuffs.
[ Groans ]
Mother, have you read chapter...
mother. Mother!
What's the matter? Effie. Effie!
Mother, speak to me. It's Clarence. Mother, please don't frighten me.
Mother. Effie. Effie get the smelling salts. My mother has fainted.
Yes, sir. Mother. Come on, mother.
Mother! Oh, mother.
Mother! Mother! Can't you hear me, mother? Mother!
Bring me every book we have on the law of libel.
And tell Mr. King I want to see him at once. Yes, Mr. Hammond.
[ Door opens, slams ]
Here we go, kids. Hey, girls, get a load of this.
What? What is it? This chapter here on Mr. gammon. Horace G. Gammon.
Couldn't get much closer than that, could they?
It tells about Mr. gammon keeping physically fit...
By chasing the office girls around their desks, trying to pinch them.
Oh, oh, boy. How could this Belvedere know that?
Well, it's true, isn't it? You're still black and blue.
Wait till Mrs. gammon reads that. [ All giggling ]
Well? What about those books?
Yes, Mr. gammon... Hammond!
Hello, Della. Hello.
I, uh, understand I'm referred to in...
oh, yes, Mr. Mcpherson. You're mentioned on page, um...
174.
Well, you better let me have a copy. Certainly.
Now, now, Emily, don't be silly. This book is merely fiction.
Oh, well, we'll discuss it tonight. I'll be home...
[ click ] Hello? Hello?
[ Scoffs ] Get me my attorneys right away.
[ Phone ringing ]
Hello. Yes. Yes, this is Mrs. Harry King.
- Oh, all right. - Hello?
They're putting her on. Hello. Oh, hello, Tacey.
[ Sighs ] Oh, it's you, Edna. I thought it was... is anything wrong?
Anything? Oh, sweetie, everything's wrong.
Now, don't get panicky. Nobody's sick or anything.
It's your precious Mr. Belvedere.
He's got this whole town in an uproar. He's written a book.
Yes, I know. I just this moment saw the advertisement.
Well, go on, tell me. What's happened?
Well, in the first place, Harry's been fired.
Why? For harboring Belvedere, of course.
Tell her about me. Oh, yes.
And when bill tried to stand up for Harry, he got fired too.
Oh, my gosh. Well, let me speak to Harry. Put him on.
What? Well, where is he?
We don't know. He's not at home.
He's probably out somewhere looking for a nice soft shoulder to cry on. Bill says that...
[ click ] Hello?
Well, it worked. She just said good-bye and hung up.
[ Chattering ]
That's good. All right, we're ready.
Now, Mr. Belvedere, I'll be behind the camera,
and I'm going to ask you a few questions, so just be perfectly relaxed...
young man, I need no instructions.
I have directed many pictures.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that.
All right, everybody, quiet. [ Man ] Quiet, please.
Roll 'em. Speed.
Now, Mr. Belvedere, tell us, how did you write this book?
I wrote it with a quill.
Oh, that's very interesting. So that's why we could never hear anything.
Look! It's mom! Mom!
Hi, mom! Hello, darling.
Hello, mom. Oh, Tony, baby.
Oh, I missed you so much. Oh, we've missed you too. Hi.
Hello, Roddy. Where's your daddy?
He's inside. Come on. Quick.
Mr. Belvedere, critics throughout the country have unanimously hailed your novel...
- As a masterpiece of sheer genius. - That is correct.
And, uh, how do you feel about it?
I feel they were quite conservative.
Pop, look! It's mom!
[ Man ] Quiet in there! Oh, darling.
[ Man ] Quiet! We're shooting in here! Cut.
Oh, darling, I had to come back the minute I knew you were in trouble.
don't worry. It'll work out all right.
Gosh, honey, I... I've been such a dope.
[ Mr. Belvedere ] You have indeed.
No need to be emotional, Mrs. King. He will not starve.
Mr. Belvedere,
I don't quite know whether to congratulate you or to...
or to spit in my eye.
Well, yes.
It's a moot point. Mr. Belvedere, please, we haven't finished.
You are mistaken, young man. We have. I have posed quite long enough.
Oh, Edna. Bill. I haven't had a chance to say hello to you.
Hello, Tacey. I know, sweetie.
Let's get out of this shambles. I wanna talk to you.
Go ahead, dear. I'll be up, just as soon as I get rid of this gang.
There you are, my good man. Look, fellas, enough is enough.
Get all of these people and this stuff out of here, will ya?
Okay, boys, wrap it up.
Just one of the penalties of fame, Mr. King.
Well, I'm not famous. You will be. My book has made you immortal.
[ Man ] You can't go in there. [ Mr. Hammond ] I'll go anywhere I please.
Where is this Belvedere person? Where is he? Oh, there you are.
don't you take your hat off when you crash somebody's house?
don't you talk to me like that.
I'll talk to you any way I like.
You fired me, remember? Yes, I fired you.
You heard him. Oh.
It gives me the greatest possible pleasure to serve you personally with this summons.
Summons? Well, well, how interesting.
I am suing you for one million dollars for libel.
Splendid. That's a good, round sum.
And I'm gonna sue you too. Good.
And me. "And I," Mr. Taylor.
My mother and I are going to sue you too.
In addition, we shall see to it that you are run out of town. Excellent.
Such notoriety will merely cause the sales of my book to zoom higher, if possible.
Would you two be interested in acting as my attorneys in these threatened suits?
Are you serious? Mr. King, I never jest about a million dollars.
Money is the root of all evil, and I have the greatest possible respect for it.
Okay, Mr. Belvedere. We'll be very happy to defend you.
Good.
How about it, bill? It's a deal.
The offices of King and Philby will open tomorrow morning.
And they'll have their work cut out for them, because we intend to sue not only you...
But everybody who supplied you with this libelous information.
Good idea. You should always go to the source.
I intend to.
Has it occurred to any of you gentlemen who that source might be?
Who is the person who knows all about everyone on hummingbird hill?
Who is the one that for years has made a repulsive habit...
Of snooping and gossiping about his neighbors? [ Appleton gulps ]
Who is it among us who knows our little peccadilloes with girls in florist shops?
The girl was merely delivering flowers to that motel.
But they were not orange blossoms. And you, Mr. Mcpherson...
you caricatured me in this book as a notorious lush.
It was not I who counted the empties taken away from your house by the garbageman.
Just one little moment. Are you insinuating that...
I let the chips fall where they may. But I...
and, Mr. Hammond, who is it that makes a habit of reading other people's mail,
other people's perfumed mail?
Oh, this is outrageous. Are you suggesting that I have been your... your collaborator?
don't be presumptuous.
Let me put it in terms that even you will understand.
You have spread the pollen. I have reaped the harvest.
But I... this is fantastic.
I have been more grossly maligned in the book than... than anyone.
It is only poetic justice that a stool pigeon should be roasted.
So, you're the one. Now, now, Horatio, let's not be hasty.
Why, you little weasel. No, no, Horatio! No! No! No!
[ All yelling ] Mother!
Mother! Mother! Mother!
I'd give my right arm to get a look at Appleton with that black eye.
I bet it nearly killed him when they trampled down his Iris bed.
Yeah.
How would you like to go celebrating tomorrow night?
Love to. Would you care to take me dancing?
Yes. But remember, I don't dance as well as Mr. Belvedere.
No, dear, but you're much prettier.
Wait a minute. We can't.
Who'll sit with the kids? [ Mr. Belvedere ] I will.
The mere fact that I have been catapulted into fame...
Does not blind me to the duties I undertook here.
Mr. Belvedere, you're an amazing man.
Just what are your plans for the future?
My dear Mrs. King,
hummingbird hill is only the first volume of a trilogy.
I estimate the other two volumes will take me about two years.
Uh, and you're going to write them here?
Naturally.
Posterity will demand that the entire masterpiece be written under the same roof.
This house will become a shrine.
I'm surprised you even want to stay.
It can't be very convenient. You claim you don't even like children.
That is correct.
[ Tacey ] Mr. Belvedere? Yes?
I think it only fair to tell you that before long,
we are expecting another child.
And you'll find me of great service, Mrs. King.
I was also an obstetrician.
[ Bird twittering ]
[ Chorus ] ♪ Pretty baby ♪