Out west where men were brave and bold the most exciting story told
is all about a stranger who lived a life of danger
and he loved that shining gold
Jesse James was his hame
let me tell you now before a guy could wink his eye
he'd Rob the stage as it went by
and just as sure as Hades he'd kiss the lovely ladies
and you ought to hear him sigh
Jesse James was his hame
oh, yeah, well, a trigger-happy guy was he
as fast as any guy could be
I'll lay you two to one, man
not another gunman
was half as fast as he
Jesse James was his hame
he made a lot of friends but there the story ends
'cause all good gunmen die
Jesse James was his name was his name
The wealth and might that is America today
is reflected in its farms, its factories, its banking institutions
and certainly in its various mammoth insurance companies.
These gigantic corporations owned by millions of stockholders and policy holders
have, since the beginning of our country, been an integral part of our life.
Untold thousands of Americans have received their educations
through the benefits of insurance policies.
Millions of American families have been raised partially, or entirely,
on a monthly check from their insurance company,
and the history of the expansion of these institutions could almost be
the history of the expansion of America itself.
But, vast as the resources and holdings of these mighty companies are today,
each is the result of great pioneering courage
and perseverance of these great founders.
And who deserves much of the credit for the evolution of these companies
from their simple beginnings into their present size?
It is no one but that almost forgotten,
hardworking door-to-door insurance salesman,
to whom we respectfully dedicate this picture.
The time is the early 1880s.
The place is New York City.
The occasion is a sales meeting of the employees
of the Plymouth rock insurance company.
Yes. Now, may I have the other charts, miss raskin?
Let's see how you other gentlemen have done.
Crimshaw. Oh, yes, yes.
You've done an admirable job, crimshaw.
You dipped a little there in may, but I see you bounced back up,
and you'll soon have a leg on the gold watch.
Yes.
Now...
Well. Hastings! You're right up there, aren't you?
You keep this up and you're well on your way to that free weekend at coney island.
Why, this is amazing.
On.
Farnsworth.
Farnsworth, when are you ever gonna sell a policy?
May I remind you, sir, that just two weeks ago,
I turned in a signed policy for a miss elfrida Bennett?
Which was rejected.
On a medical technicality.
Yes, a slight technicality.
When the doctor arrived to examine her, she was dead.
Well, we've got to get a faster doctor.
A 30-year endowment policy on a woman 98 years old.
Well, she lied about her age.
And much as I dislike tooting my own horn, sir,
I was solely responsible for the sale of Plymouth rock's first marine policy,
issued on the new schooner nantucket.
Please, please, don't remind me of that launching.
I can still see the bubbles.
How did I know the anchor was heavier than the boat?
Milford, I've given this a lot of thought,
and I think this company can get along very well without you.
Turn in your key to the washroom.
Well, can't I even have visiting privileges?
Farnsworth, I'm curious.
What do you expect to achieve with such crass ineptitude,
such utter incompetence, such colossal stupidity?
Well, I was hoping to become your assistant.
Sorry you couldn't get in yesterday, milford. We all missed your nickel.
Charlie, have you thought any more about that insurance?
Some other time.
Sullivan beat gentleman Jim? He hasn't a chance.
Yeah? That's what they said when they matched him up against paddy Ryan.
Well, you can see their legs clear up to the knees, I tell you.
Yeah? What'd you say they called themselves?
The Gibson girls.
Clear up to the knees. I tell you, it's enough to drive you mad.
If you're talking about the Kansas city bank, he got away with $25,000.
Jesse James wouldn't pull a gun out of his holster for 25,000. The bank said...
Pardon me, gentlemen,
the exact amount was $33,228.33.
That's Jesse James!
Whiskey.
Forget it. It's on the house.
Charlie, if you're going to buy any insurance,
today is the day. I've got to make a sale.
Later, milford. Later.
Charlie, there is no later with insurance.
You can't put off till tomorrow what may strike you today.
Please, milford, not now.
No, you're taking a lot of chances. You got a lot of money laying around here.
Milford...
I mean, cash for your payroll, cash for your customers, money in the till.
- This place is a gold mine. - Have another sandwich. No charge.
Now what's to prevent somebody from walking in here
and pressing the cold barrel of a .45 against your temple?
Very little.
Yeah, one shot and your wife is an orphan. But not with Plymouth rock insurance.
You can leave her 5,000, 10,000, anything you want.
And when your time comes, you'll find yourself slipping away
with a smile on your lips and a song in your heart.
You got to think about that. That's the way to go, you know.
You got to think.
Please. Watch out, kid.
- Charlie... - I wanna talk to you.
You'll have to excuse us, sir.
This is a private conversation between the two of us, if you don't mind.
You two may not finish.
I'm interested in slipping away with a smile on my lips
and a song in my heart. I'll have my drink over at the table here.
This may be a hot one.
You caught me just at the right time. I think I have one policy left.
Pleased to be of service to you, sir. My card.
What is a milford Farnsworth?
Oh, that's me. That's my name. I'm milford Farnsworth.
All right.
Oh, no. Whiskey is the weak man's crutch.
Now, we at Plymouth rock are honored to have been chosen by you, mister...
- James. Tj James. - Oh, yes.
I'd like to hear a little more about this insurance.
As I understand it, your company is willing to bet me on how long I'll live?
And they'll take the short end by betting I'll live a long time?
Yeah. I guess you could put it that way.
Well, if I'm dead, how do I know I'll get paid off?
My good man, the Plymouth rock insurance company
wouldn't be in business two minutes if they didn't make good on their policies.
Just so long as we understand each other. Now, who gets the money?
Well, your wife, your mother, whatever loved one you designate.
Well, then you take out your pencil and paper and start writing.
- The money goes to miss Cora Lee Collins. - Cora Lee Collins.
- Angel's rest, Missouri. - Angel's rest, Missouri.
- And what is her relationship to you? - Loved one.
I don't think the company has that classification.
Well, make it wife. She will be.
Now, how much money is your company prepared to put up?
Well, we're prepared to go as high as you want to go.
That's 1,000, 5,000, 10,000...
- Well, let's say 100,000. - Yeah, let's say that. Oh.
Well, how would you like to make the payments?
Would that be quarterly, or semi-annually?
- I'll pay it all now. - You'll pay it all...
No, no, you don't understand.
See, that's about $33,000.
100,000. That's the premium and I...
Yeah, well, just keep the change.
Yeah.
You just wait here and I'll run across the street to the doctor's
and arrange for your physical.
Don't you take any drinks or anything. You look fine just as you are.
Good morning, Mr. quesely. You remember me?
With deep horror.
I hope you haven't had the lock in the washroom changed,
because I'm gonna be around here for quite a while.
You have 30 seconds to leave before your beneficiaries cash in.
Mr. quesely. I sold a policy.
Ten seconds. And get that trash off my desk.
Mr. quesely, do you know what's in that bag?
It better be something you can defend yourself with, Farnsworth.
There's $33,000 in that bag.
Farnsworth, do you feel all right?
It represents the premium paid in full on an insurance policy of $100,000.
I suggest that this be counted and turned over to the auditor at once.
Here's the policy, if you'd like to look it over, sir.
Why certainly, sir. I mean, milford.
Yeah, let's see now.
"Mr. tj James, beneficiary miss Cora Lee Collins,"
"in the amount of"
"$100,000."
Well, who is this Mr. tj James, my boy?
Oh, he's quite an operator.
But what are his sources of income?
Well, naturally I didn't pry into any details.
- Naturally. - But I gathered from him
that he's well known in railroad and banking circles.
Well, this is too big to fool with. Better set up an appointment for his physical.
Oh, I'm afraid it's too late for that. Mr. James left last night on the train.
But I had doc bishop rush him through right away. Here's the medical.
I promised you'd send him a box of cigars.
Send them? I'll take them over myself.
Here's the morning paper, Mr. quesely.
Miss raskin, how many times have I told you not to interrupt me in conference?
And never, never when I'm with our star salesman, Mr. Farnsworth.
Just a minute, miss raskin.
How much have you been drawing a week, milford?
Oh, $7.50.
Raise that to $10. And do you have the $25 bonus
that I told you to draw for milford this morning? Good.
See that he gets it right away.
Now, farnsy, my boy,
I am going to carry the ball from here on in. You take the rest of the day off.
- Oh, but it's a working day. - It's a day to celebrate.
Go on to the beach. Take a ride on the new elevated.
You've earned it. Go on. Get out of here. Scat.
Farnsworth! Farnsworth!
Another bonus?
Farnsworth.
Funny, I have a feeling I've seen that face before.
Farnsworth, is that or is that not
the man to whom you sold a $100,000 life insurance policy?
I told you, I thought his face was familiar.
Anything happens to that man, this company is ruined.
Funny thing, not once during the whole evening
did he mention that he was a notorious killer.
Will you shut up?
Farnsworth, you're gonna take the next train west.
What?
You're going to return this money to James and make him give up that policy.
Me, make him?
And if James refuses to return that policy,
you are to remain by his side forever, to protect our interest.
You are to ride with him, eat with him, sleep with him.
At the slightest sign of danger, you are to lay down your life to protect his.
- Go. - But, Mr. quesely, I'm liable to get killed.
Stop trying to cheer me up.
And I knew the minute I saw you that you were responsible gentlemen,
men who are keenly aware
of your financial obligations to your family and estate.
Now, no other policy can give you the protection that this one can.
And you don't have to worry about the cost.
Your wampum can be divided into 12 easy wamps.
Well, that's my story. Are you sold?
No? But I've explained everything.
Believe me, you can't go wrong with Plymouth rock.
Why won't you buy? Give me one reason.
Foreigners.
They're foreigners.
- All right, everybody. Reach! - All right, let's get 'em up.
Come on, now. Get out the money and the valuables. Come on.
- All right, get 'em out. - You heard what he said.
You got anything?
You sure?
You wouldn't fool me?
What is that, a gold tongue?
Now, let's have the rest of it. That's it. There's a good boy.
- Now, let's have the rest of it. - That's all there is.
- What's that? - Oh, that's just my girdle.
- Oh, it's your girdle. - I'm wearing it a little loose this...
Say, that'll just fit me.
But I'm supposed to give that money to somebody.
You just did.
Did you ever hear of a man called Jesse James?
Who's he?
Well, he happens to be a very close friend of mine that I'm gonna visit.
How do you think he's gonna feel when he finds out how you treated me?
Heartbroken.
All right, boys, let's get out of here.
Didn't I hand you $1 when we left New York?
Yes, sir. Right here.
Well, thanks for keeping an eye on it for me.
Say, where can I find Jesse James? I wanna talk to him about a robbery.
There's a guy here, wants to see Jesse about a robbery.
Hey, open up. I want to send a telegram.
I don't know what I've got, but I hope there's a cure for it.
Jesse, a stranger in town wants to see you about a robbery.
Thanks a lot.
Take care of that, frank. Not too rough. Just get him out of town.
That's New York. Send it collect.
Man could get a cheap nose job here.
Hey, where can I find Jesse James?
Never heard of him.
I'll find him.
I just got to figure out what a man like Jesse'd be doing at this time of day.
It's for my new number.
You like it?
Yeah. Sure do like it, Cora Lee, honey.
My, you're as pretty as a new bank.
Please, Jesse.
Don't ruin it before I've had a chance to wear it.
Well, buy another one, if that's all that's bothering you.
I'm sorry.
I guess all women feel that way about a new dress.
Maybe so.
Oh, I forgot...
I got you something.
Looks mighty expensive.
Yeah, I'd have got it for you sooner,
but the train didn't come through till this morning.
Thank you.
You got to keep it. We're gonna get married, aren't we?
I'd like to think about it.
You thought about it long enough. I'm getting tired of waiting.
Ma's coming in today. She's gonna make the arrangements.
You always get what you want, don't you, Jesse?
Always.
Cora Lee Collins.
Cora Lee Collins. I thought that name sounded familiar.
Jesse's beneficiary.
Howdy.
Hi.
Hi, sir.
Nice day for drinking.
Wasn't it?
- What'll you have? - Oh, I'd like some information.
We sell liquor here, boy.
I'll take what he's having.
Do you know where I could find a miss Cora Lee Collins?
She works here at night.
If you're still here by then, you'll see her.
You should have a wick in this.
What's the matter, don't you like the liquor I'm drinking?
Yeah. It's okay.
Why don't you drink it?
That'll be 50 cents.
Here's your change.
Lucky I didn't have a bigger bill.
I hit it. Struck it rich. The drinks are on me.
Hooray!
What'll it be?
Some of that.
- You drink that all the time? - Ever since the goat went dry.
A man like you needs protection. Now my company is willing to bet you
on how long you're gonna live, and we'll take the short end by betting you
you'll live a long time.
- Really? - That's the Plymouth rock.
Fill them up again. Where do I make the bet?
You just sign right there. And the bet's on as soon as you pass the physical.
How are you fixed?
Hey, grigsby!
You double-crossing varmint! You jumped my claim!
He'll never pass the physical.
All right, drink up, everybody.
Anybody doesn't drink with me is a dead man.
Well, what're you gonna do?
Oh, I can't play. I don't have any money.
That's better than money.
Oh. Well, as long as it's a friendly game.
- I'm out. - Me, too.
- I pass. - Me, too.
- How many? - I'll stand pat.
- I'll suffer through. - Give me three.
Three.
- Give me three cards. - I just gave you three.
I didn't like those.
That's better. Now give me two.
Hope you find something you like soon. I'm running out of deck.
That's fine. I got all I need now. What do you do?
- Oh, I think I'll take one. - You was pat.
Fair is fair.
Anything I can't stand, it's cheating at cards.
Me, neither. Another thing I can't stand is killing.
Well, now, killing in this town'll get you 90 days. Cheating'll get you shot.
That's what I like. Law and order.
I bet two stacks.
Oh, I can't go any further. I haven't got any more money.
Why, sure you have.
What're you fellas with, a laundry?
The pants.
I didn't think the stakes were that low.
All right, there you are.
- I call you. - Four queens.
Wait a minute. I didn't see 'em.
Mister, if you don't find four queens in that deck, I'll give you your money back.
Hold it. I got you beat anyway. I got four kings.
All right, let's see 'em.
I said, let's see 'em.
There.
If you don't find four kings in that goat, I'll give you your money back.
Why, you cheating tinhorn.
Hold it. Don't anybody make a move or I'll blow my brains out.
You've all had your little joke. Now I'm giving the orders.
Okay. Give me my shirt. Here, hold my coat. Give me my pants.
Here, hold my gun. You don't know who you're...
Where have I failed?
One thing I know, a westerner never shot a man in the back.
Oh. Wait till I tell the chamber of commerce about this.
I'll be right there, ma.
What are you doing in here?
Oh, I'm with the fire department, ma'am.
Just checking safety regulations. Yep. Yeah, it'll burn.
Yeah. Oh, that'll burn.
I'm sorry.
It's very warm.
Get 'em up.
- That's what I'm trying to do. - If I was you, I'd get out of this town.
Do you know whose room that was you just come out of?
- No. - Jesse James' gal.
Oh. Do you know who I am?
- No. - Thanks. When's the next train leave?
That city fellow sent this telegram a while ago.
Well, so he wired his boss for more money.
Maybe we better be nice to him till he gets here.
Where is this Farnsworth?
I just put him on the train, Jesse.
Don't worry, I'm used to getting things off that train.
Why, it's Jesse James.
Put 'em down. Put 'em down. This one's on me.
Hiya, milford.
- Hiya, Jesse. - I've been looking all over for you.
- I've been looking for you. - Come on, we're going back.
- We're miles from town. - Oh, I got a horse waiting.
Yeah?
He's my client.
Ma, I want you to meet a friend of mine.
From New York. His name is milford Farnsworth.
- I'll go get your room ready. - Howdy, son, and welcome.
Pleased to know you. Mighty fine place you have here.
Well, I guess I'll be running along.
Oh, it's you.
I didn't recognize you with your pants on.
Not so loud, please.
It's all right. The boys told me all about it.
They was just joking with you. They're kind of playful.
Yes.
You come on in with me. I'll fix you a cup of raspberry tea.
Oh, don't let me interrupt your housework.
Oh, don't fret. I already done the big pieces.
I'm always cleaning up after the boys.
They're so careless.
It's important to keep a gun clean, you know.
Oh, I know. A guy can get blood poisoning
from getting killed with a dirty bullet.
This here's our game room.
Who's playing here tonight, Smith and Wesson?
Jesse got that for me when he was just a boy.
I used to send him to the museum.
Imagine. A little kid like that, soaking up culture, no matter what it weighed.
Sport model?
- What's this? - That's one of Jesse's hobbies.
He collects gold watches. He's got enough there to open a store.
Probably how he got most of them.
Milford, your room's ready for you.
Say, I sure appreciate your letting me stay here where I can keep an eye on you.
I gotta make sure nothing happens to you.
Hey! Here's a little present for you.
Really? For me? Gee, thanks, Jesse.
Hey, and you had it engraved, too.
I did?
Yeah. "To milford Farnsworth from his grandfather."
- And Cora Lee. How nice. - Hello, ma.
What a pretty dress.
- You look mighty pretty yourself. - Thank you, dear.
Come on in to the house.
- Evening, miss Cora Lee. - Evening, Cole.
- Hello, Hannah. - Frank, here's Cora Lee.
- Good evening, Cora Lee. - Good evening, frank.
- Nice to see you. - Thank you.
Pardon me, will you?
- Oh, Mr. Farnsworth. - How do you do?
- I believe you two have met. - Oh, yes.
- How are things at the firehouse? - Well, not too good.
- They found a sliver in the pole. - I'll go get you two something to drink.
Say, I want to apologize for breaking in on you like that.
Oh, that's all right. I guess you lost your head.
That's not all I lost.
They do play a rough game of poker in this town.
It's lucky I quit. My next bet would've been skin.
Come in. Welcome to the party.
Come right on in and make yourselves comfortable.
Oh, hiya, milford. Some party, eh?
Oh, Cora Lee, honey. Would you do the honors?
I'll fetch the cigars.
Milford Farnsworth, this is Luke Hutchins, our mayor of angel's rest.
- Hi, mayor. - Welcome to our town.
It's yours for the asking.
And this is Jeremiah Cole, our village blacksmith.
Oh, well, who's watching the Chestnut tree?
- Mighty glad to know you. - Thank you very much.
You can quit pumping. I think we got a pretty good Blaze going.
And over here we have Mortimer hobclaw.
Mr. hobclaw's our undertaker.
- How do you do? - How are you?
Oh, I'm sorry. I meet so few people standing up.
You can take inventory later.
Say, you have some mighty interesting people here in Missouri.
That's very good. What is your name, son?
Harry Truman.
Keep playing. You'll help the party.
Shall we try the porch? It might be cooler.
Is this your first trip west, Mr. earnsworth?
Yes, I've always wanted to open up this territory for my insurance firm.
- Oh, you're in insurance. - Deeper than you think.
- Is Mrs. Farnsworth here with you? - No. She's too old to travel this far.
Besides, she wouldn't want to leave dad alone.
Oh, I know what you mean.
No. I guess I'm what you'd call an eligible bachelor.
Well, I guess there's no harm in a man taking his time
before embarking on a sea of matrimony.
As long as he doesn't wait till he's too old to make the trip.
Oh, ahwahnee.
This is Princess ahwahnee. Mr. Farnsworth, dear.
An Indian Princess. Do I curtsy or just tip my scalp?
How do you do?
If you don't see what you want, just ask for it.
Your eyes, they should be on a woman.
Yeah. They usually are.
Well, I see you've made a conquest.
Well, this is pretty strange for me out here.
Different than New York?
Well, you could walk for days through central park without seeing an Indian.
Really?
I'll get you a drink.
- No, thanks. - How about something to eat?
- No, thank you. - Would you care to dance?
Well, that doesn't leave very much.
- Hey, Cora Lee, how about it? - All right.
It's a mighty pretty evening for a barbecue
got the banjos out to plunk a bar or two
moon is shining bright and there's a star or two
and I can smell the donuts and the pie
but I just ain't a-hankering for banjo plunking
ain't a-hankering for pumpkin pie
ain't a-hankering for donut dunking
there's something else entirely on my mind
oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
and it ain't cotton picking
and it ain't Berry pie
and it ain't eating chicken
there's something else entirely on my mind
oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
I'll bet that Broadway's all lit up and central park's in bloom
swell hotels with belles a smelling from perfume
folks a-grabbing hansom cabs to see Grant's tomb
and the carousel is swell at coney isle but I just
ain't a-hankering to see trees blooming
ain't a-hankering to see swell styles
ain't a-hankering to go Grant's-tombing
there's something else entirely on my mind
yeah, there's something else entirely on my mind
and it ain't hansom cabbing
and it ain't coney isle
and it ain't brass ring-grabbing
oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
oh, there's something else entirely
on my mind
Everything all right, frank?
Just like a church social. I told the boys to lay off the rough stuff.
Him. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
- Maybe butter's not what he's after, Jesse. - Forget it, frank.
- Okay. She's not my gal. - Relax. Milford's our friend.
Till the dough comes.
Till the dough comes, then we won't need Mr. Farnsworth anymore.
- Okay, Jesse. Just let me know. - Let you know?
Yeah, you have all the fun. Let me have this one, huh?
Well, I'd better say goodnight to Jesse.
- Jesse. - You have to leave so soon?
- I must. I'm a working girl, you know. - Yeah, but not for long.
Oh, milford, I gotta take care of my other guests.
Would you mind showing Cora Lee back to town?
I'd be happy to, Jesse.
- Good night, honey. - Good night, Jesse.
You don't need to, milford. Out here, you know, women aren't quite that helpless.
Don't move.
There. Boy, the mice grow pretty big out here, don't they?
- That was a gila monster. - They're deadly. -Really?
You're a very brave man.
Why? For just killing a little old gila monster?
- I know. But with a rattlesnake? - Yeah...
Come on, I'll take you home.
Later we'll toss to see who takes me home.
I won't have it, son. I tell you, I won't have it.
I already told you, ma. There's nothing I can do about it.
I've got a position in this community,
and I'm gonna do the best I can to uphold it.
I declare, Jesse, you're the most stubborn son a mother ever had.
I'll leave it to anybody. Oh, Mr. Farnsworth.
Oh, evening, ma'am. I was just on my way up to my room.
I wish you'd help me talk some sense into this fool son of mine.
He's bent on having a gunfight tomorrow at dawn.
- Oh, you shouldn't do that. - 'Course not.
I won't have him leaving without breakfast.
I wish you'd quit babying me, ma. Snake Brice is in town,
boasting he's gonna shoot me down. What do you expect me to do?
Eat a good breakfast.
Your pa never went out shooting folks on an empty stomach.
You remind me of my own mother.
Besides, it's damp at dawn,
and Jesse's liable to get pneumonia before he gets killed.
"Killed"? Hey, we got to talk about this.
- What about the policy? - We'll talk about it after the shooting.
No, that may be too late.
Promise me you'll wear your rubbers if it's damp, son?
Sure, ma.
And remember to take a clean handkerchief.
Stop fretting, ma. I won't go without my breakfast.
Well, I better get to sleep. Man says he's gonna gun you at dawn,
you want to be there.
Jesse's a good boy.
- You mean you're gonna let him go? - It's his work.
It's like being a doctor. If somebody wants you, you gotta go,
any time of the day or night. Know what I mean?
Anything happens to that man, this company is ruined.
All right, I'm getting tired of your ugly face.
Go for your guns.
Don't move. I got the drop on you.
Come on, get going.
- Jesse, somebody turned the horses loose. - What?
- Somebody turned the horses loose. - Well, round 'em up.
I've been robbed.
Here's the chance you been waiting for, snake. Jesse's in town.
I'll be ready soon as I finish my breakfast.
I'm ready.
You Walt in the stable. I'll take it from here.
Anything I hate, it's a brave horse.
You go rest. I may be heavier on the trip home.
Okay, Jesse, I'm gonna give you a break.
You draw first.
I knew you was yellow, Jesse. But it ain't gonna do you no good.
Draw.
Why, that's the fastest draw Jesse ever made.
I never even seen his hands touch his guns.
- Neither did I. - No.
Nice shooting, Jesse. Hey, wait a minute, that's not Jesse.
- That's milford. - Milford?
I hope that teaches him a lesson.
If he's not out of town by noon, I'll wing him again.
- What's all the shooting about? - Snake Brice was looking for Jesse.
- Jesse get him? - No, but milford did.
- Milford? - He's got the fastest hat alive.
- Tell him I want to see him. - All right.
- Have you been hit? - Calm yourself, missy. I feel fine.
- You're sure you're all right? - Yup.
You put on Jesse's clothes? And you faced snake Brice?
- Yup. Yup. - You outdrew him. You shot him down.
- You're a gun-slinger. - Yup. Yup. Nope.
- Then why did you do it? - Well, I had to.
- It was either him or me or Jesse. - But what does Jesse mean to you?
Jesse means everything to me.
I got him insured for $100,000.
But I don't have to tell you that. After all, you're his beneficiary.
- His what? - You mean to say you didn't know
that if Jesse gets killed, you get $100,000?
Why would Jesse arrange a thing like that?
You can answer that better than me. After all, you're his girl, aren't you?
Well, aren't you?
Jesse doesn't ask questions. If he wants something, he just takes it.
And who's gonna argue with him? Are you?
Well, it hadn't occurred to me before, but now that you mentioned it, nope.
Milford. Milford, will you do something for me? Something I want very much?
Well, I reckon that depends.
- Now, what was it you wanted? - Get out of town.
You sure got a funny way of saying goodbye.
I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.
If you stay around here, you haven't got a chance. Will you go?
I don't know, but I'd sure like to say goodbye again.
You're a little late, Jesse. Milford already took care of snake.
Where's milford now?
You see, I told you. Somebody shot at you.
Let's have a little more respect for heroes out there.
I reckon I better go down and teach him a lesson.
- No, wait. - Huh?
Please, don't start anything, milford.
Oh, as long as I don't come unstrung, I'm still in business.
Sorry, milford. Thought I saw a man in here.
Oh, maybe it's because I'm wearing your clothes.
Yeah, would you mind telling me what this is all about?
Well, I want to talk to you about that insurance policy, but you won't let me.
He was only trying to protect you, Jesse.
Yeah, if anything happens to you, I'm dead.
Well, let's not have any more of this.
And I don't like anybody doing my shooting for me.
Or anything.
What's that?
Well, I shaved this morning, and I'm a slow bleeder.
Better get out of here before I become a faster one.
Got something for you, Jesse. This just come for Farnsworth
from that insurance company in New York.
"Milford Farnsworth, angel's rest, Missouri."
"You are fired. Repeat, fired."
"You are the Benedict Arnold of the insurance business."
"Am coming west with another $33,000"
"to buy back policy. Arriving 10:00 tonight."
"Kindly do not meet me. Titus quesely."
Oh, we ain't gonna meet him.
We're just gonna shake hands with his money. Thanks, elmo.
Wait a minute, what's all this about my being your beneficiary?
Oh, didn't I tell you?
Well, one day soon, you and me are gonna collect $100,000.
Then we can settle down.
To collect $100,000, you've gotta be dead.
Oh, I won't be dead.
It'll be some fellow who just looks like me.
- Milford. - Yeah, Jess?
You wear that outfit. Looks great on you.
- Can I keep it? - As long as you live.
And don't tire yourself out down there. We got a little business deal tonight.
Say, Jesse, I wonder what's holding up that train?
In case you forgot, we are.
- Hey, nobody's gonna get hurt, are they? - Not necessarily.
Whatever you do, don't get shot. My company would never forgive me.
I don't plan to.
- Hey, here she comes now. - Hey, Jesse, I've been thinking this over
and I'm gonna sit this one out. I just don't like it.
- Let's go. - Yeah.
- All right, let's go. Come on. - Aw, it might be fun after all.
- You know what to do? - I ought to. I've been robbed myself.
Well, now's your chance to get even.
I'm pretty fast on the trigger, too.
And there's the trigger, right there.
Just remember. These people try to hide their jewels and money.
We have to search everybody.
Check. You take the men and I'll take the women.
Come on.
Reach. We'll cover you. Get busy.
All right, get your valuables out.
Don't any of you varmints reach for a weapon or I'll let daylight through you.
Put it in the poke. There you are. Okay, all of it.
All right, shorty, get it up. Come on, let's have it. Where did you go?
Toss it down, redwood.
You got snow up there? All right, get 'em up. Up.
What a bank. Drop that turnip in here. Watch it.
Okay, let's have it. Okay, come on.
Young man, I hope you realize what you're doing's against the law.
Hide it. Hide it, we're over our quota.
- What are you trying to do? - Sorry, we don't take confederate money.
- Here, let me see that. - All right...
Nothing wrong with that stuff.
What are you trying to do, go in business for yourself?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing. I just wanted to see if you're on your toes.
- Boys, let's get out of here. - Yeah.
- You, guard the rear. - Guard the rear?
Oh, but, Jesse, Jesse, wait for me.
Jesse, Jesse, where are you?
Come on. What are we waiting for? Let's get out of here.
One little chore we ain't attended to yet.
- Oh! Oh, there you are. - Let's get outta here.
Jessel!
- Okay, Jesse, I covered the rear. - You ride on ahead. We'll take over.
Well, that's that.
Get in touch with the insurance people and tell them that Jesse James is dead.
I needed that.
You look like you had a hard day at the office.
We're going to the ranch tonight. Start packing your things.
- What for? What is all this? - We had an accident at the train tonight.
I got killed.
He's dead.
The tombstone on boot hill will have my name on it.
As soon as the insurance company pays off that $100,000,
we'll have enough for the rest of our lives.
We're getting married tomorrow.
Now, let's take this a little slower, Jesse.
Now start packing.
- You the telegraph operator? - That's right.
Never figured she'd make it on time after getting held up tonight.
- How did you know the train was held up? - That train always gets held up.
Here.
I want this message delivered promptly to the telegraph operator at the first stop.
We'll get ourselves a fine spread somewhere.
A long ways from here, 1,000 miles. Maybe California.
You and frank can have this place.
Gonna be all right, ma, working out real great.
What if they come around here, looking for him?
- Looking for who? - Milford.
Just tell 'em he went back east.
Sounds reasonable.
Milford was a nice boy.
Yeah.
Too bad he didn't have some of his own insurance.
So they'll be looking for him.
Leastways they won't be looking for me no more.
There won't be any more sheriffs riding up to my door.
It's milford.
Whoa. Oh, boy. Whoa girl. Whoa.
Happy yogurt.
Oh, good. You made it. I was worried about you, Jesse.
I would've gone back and looked for you, but my horse got away from me.
Boy, I thought sure they got you.
Good boy.
Oh, boy.
It's sure good to be home.
What a night.
What's the matter with you two? You look as though you've seen a ghost.
Why, we heard you got killed in the train holdup, milford.
What happened? I can't understand how we could've...
I mean, I thought you stopped a lot of lead out there.
Oh, I did. I gained twelve pounds in seven seconds. But I was okay.
Boy, it's a good thing Jesse went to that museum.
I was wearing my heavies.
- Pretty good, eh, ma? - Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
- You were very lucky, milford. - Lucky? I could've been Swiss cheese.
Those bullets were playing goodbye forever up and down my spine.
Oh, but I've had it. I'm gonna find Mr. quesely first thing in the morning
and give myself up. It won't be bad. You know, about 10 years.
- Give yourself up? What for? - I robbed a train tonight.
- Well, so what? I was there, too. - Yeah, but that's different with you.
That's your business. Yeah.
Well, I'll see you in the morning before I leave, ma.
Good night, ma.
- Good night, Jesse. - Good night, milford.
Boy, I'm glad you're okay. That's the main thing. Good night.
- How about that? - Now, now, son.
Things went a little wrong tonight. Don't let that bother you.
Remember what I always taught you, son.
What you can't do today you can do tomorrow.
Good morning.
- Going someplace? - Yes, it's back to the big town for me.
Well, I'm kind of glad, and I'm sorry, too, milford.
We'll miss you around here.
Yeah, well, I gotta get back and report to the company.
I got a lot of big deals cooking.
I think you're one of the nicest persons I've ever known.
I'm glad I'm here to hear it.
Oh, things worked out fine, just fine.
I got myself mixed up in a robbery.
Practically put my company out of business.
Double-crossed my friends.
It's not easy to louse up a whole town in three days, but I made it.
Compared to me, general custer was a big success.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye, milford.
I'd kind of like to say goodbye like we did before.
Yeah.
- Goodbye, milford. - Cora Lee.
- Hi, Jess. - Milford.
Milford, I was thinking about what you talked about last night.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Your boss was bringing that money out to give to me and I got it.
Yeah, but you don't understand, Jesse.
The money was for the return of the policy.
Return the policy.
- Well, I might just do that. - You would?
I always knew you were my friend.
You ride into town and tell quesely that I'll be in for a talk, huh?
Oh, great.
- Oh, milford. - Yeah.
Be sure you take the shortcut, the one over there through stone canyon.
- Stone canyon? - Yeah.
- Thanks, Jesse. - Real pretty that way.
- Bye, Cora Lee. - Bye, milford.
I'll be back in a minute.
He don't scare me, but if you're chicken, we better get going. Come on.
Come on, baby.
All right, this is it. Whip it into high.
If I was in shape, you wouldn't...
You...
Oh. I wasn't trying.
I know how you feel about me, Princess, but try and control your emotions.
- Keep head down. Maybe come more rock. - Yeah.
Yeah, it's a good thing you bumped into me.
- That could have been a nasty accident. - No accident.
You might not be so lucky next time. Now, this policy protects you
against falling objects, buffalo stampedes and termites in your wigwam.
Just sign right here.
What do you mean it was no accident?
- If you die, Jesse collect insurance. - Jesse? But I've got him insured.
How could he collect if...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he could dress my body up in his clothes,
and there's plenty of crooked witnesses.
Yeah.
Come on. Let's get outta here. They may be loading that slingshot again.
I'm deeply honored by your obvious affection for me, Princess,
- but I'm not your type, honest injun. - Ahwahnee know that you love another.
- Cora Lee? - She send me to warn you of ambush.
- Really? - She love you.
Love me? Oh, I couldn't be that lucky.
- It is sad that you let her marry another. - A doll like her, loving...
What was that again?
She does not wish it, but Jesse marry her today.
Well, he can't do that to my girl.
- We got to figure out a way to stop that. - How?
This is no time for Indian talk. Let's get moving.
- Whoa. Whoa there. - Someone's coming.
- Yeah? - Maybe Jesse's men.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, there. Whoa, there.
Hey, Indians. Indians.
Halt! Halt in the name of the law.
- Me, justice of peace. - Me no savvy. Gotta scoot.
- Me big hurry. - I'm in a hurry, too.
This is one bridegroom I'd better not keep waiting.
Are you make marriage?
Come all the way from elderberry city for this one.
Which way is the James ranch?
Me show paleface. Me show how go fast.
Go fast like wind through cheap teepee.
I'm in a hurry. I'm late now.
Ah, come. Come.
- Just tell me. Point. - No. Come up hill. See James' wigwam.
Very good, from hill. Come.
Well, a man don't get married every day, you know.
What a beautiful day for a wedding.
Like they say, "happy is the bride the sun shines on."
Then I don't see why it doesn't rain.
Oh... it would cool things off.
Oh, you're just fretting, dear. And you don't need to.
Jesse's going to treat you real nice. Jesse respects womanhood.
He ain't never shot a one.
How do you like the foliage?
Oh, you fool me.
Thanks to you, old man. When we get to town I'll buy you a flyswatter.
We can't ride horse. Horse get sick. Been eating these.
- What are you talking about? - You see.
He looks all right to me.
Whoops.
Looks like somebody stole his merry-go-round.
- Is he going to happy hunting ground? - They no kill.
Just make loco for short time.
Hey, they sound like wonderful party favors.
Hey, get a rock, we can grate some of these in the buckboard.
These may help our case. I hate to go to a party empty-handed. Come on.
Hey, Jesse, come here.
- The justice of the peace is here. - Well, it's about time you got here.
I'm sorry about that. I got a late start from elderberry city.
My wife forgot to wind the rooster.
Yeah. Well, let's get started.
Hey, you guys, pipe down.
All right, we'll start the wedding.
Oh, guns have no place in the sanctity of marriage.
I will not share the room with weapons of the devil. No, sir.
Well, all right, boys. Take off your guns. We'll put 'em in the kitchen.
Put 'em on the table, boys.
Well, a mighty fine spread you got here.
Oh, I'm sorry, judge. I'm not used to being a host.
- Have a drink. - Well, just a little one.
Oh, go on, have a real drink.
Well, it wouldn't be proper for me to drink unless it was a toast to the groom.
That's it. A toast to the groom.
To Jesse James, a good son,
- a good brother and a good... - Down the hatch!
Let's have another one.
Everybody ready?
Here comes the bride.
My friends, we are...
How you feeling?
Fine. Will you get on with it?
My friends, we are all gathered here today to mourn for the dearly departed.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's where I left off yesterday.
What about today?
Oh, you nervous bridegrooms are all the same.
- What are you doing? - Just checking.
A healthy marriage is a happy marriage.
Do you, Jesse James, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
Yeah.
And do you, Cora Lee Collins, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
She does.
- The ring, please. - The ring?
Ring?
Well, if there's no ring, you can hardly expect to have a wedding.
I knew this marriage wouldn't last.
Pardon me.
Jesse, come and get some coffee, dear.
I told you you were making that punch too strong.
Hey, you guys. Get in the kitchen, coffee up. Fast!
There, they'll never come through this door.
They sure won't. That's the closet. The door's over there.
Hey, wait. I got an idea. I want to look for something.
Hurry.
Let's go, men.
Here we go.
They're coming. Come on.
- Here they are. Up here in this room here. - It's locked.
All right, men. Let's break this door down.
Put your shoulder into it. Come on, move!
I'll bet you this is the first time the preacher ever eloped with the bride.
There they go! Come on, men!
Missed. They're getting away.
Move, you nincompoops.
Head for the depot. We gotta catch the train.
- What's the matter, milford? Are you hurt? - No, I'm fine now.
Thanks for the rest.
Darling.
Boy, I'm sure glad that's over.
Hey, Cora Lee, come back!
Bring your ladder.
I wonder what's par for this hole?
Find a river, quick.
I've had enough of that.
We've missed the train. Now what?
- Head for town. The sheriff will help us. - Yeah.
Whoa.
Come on.
- Sheriff, you gotta help us. - He's gone.
Yeah. Walt. I'll get one of these.
Milford, be careful. I know Jesse. He's dangerous.
Look for some ammunition.
- You fool. You might hit Jesse. - Down, Mr. quesely.
What are you trying to do, ruin me?
I got no time to talk to you. I'm gonna get killed in a minute.
You'll get killed when I tell you to.
I've sent for the proper authorities. They'll handle this.
Hey, you ruffians. Put down those guns.
I'm making a citizen's arrest. I say that...
Mr. quesely! Mr. quesely!
Mr. quesely!
There you are, Mr. quesely. Have one on me.
Milford, look. Look what I found.
Darling, are you all right?
Yeah, you're all right.
- Is he dead? - No.
He's one of those sneak -drinkers. Here, stop making a pig of yourself.
- Look, milford. - Huh?
Oh, he's mine.
- You got him. - Of course. I had him surrounded.
Here, notch that. Oh, I'll get him.
That got 'em.
That's one more. Notch it again.
Well, back to the wagon.
- Wonderful, milford. - You want more, huh?
Well, another one for boot hill.
I'll bet they're sorry they ever tangled with me.
Happy trails to you.
You hot little heater.
You want a Teddy bear, baby? Stand by.
Frank, give me a light.
Shoot at my friend, will you?
Make smaller notches. I may run out of handle.
I never saw such shooting.
A little high.
I'm slicing again.
Yep.
Man, do I handle this thing.
Milford, I think there's a man behind that barrel.
Give me that rifle.
Poor fool, he never had a chance.
Paleface bite dust.
Somebody's been smuggling guns to the Indians.
- Anybody left out there? - This is the shot I've been waiting for.
All right, stick your head up, I dare you.
This fellow needs all the help he can get.
Man, I didn't know he could shoot like that.
Yeah.
All right, drop those guns or I'll show no mercy.
Anything you say, milford. Throw down your guns, boys.
There they are. I didn't think they'd give up that easily. How about that?
Wonderful job!
Watch my trigger finger.
It was one of my shorter battles, but I don't want to take all the credit.
Here's the gal, right here.
She helped load my guns.
It was nothing. Nothing at all.
If I've done anything to restore law and order to this community,
I just want to tell you that I've been amply rewarded. And I mean amply.
- Milford. - Oh, yes, mayor.
In gratitude for what you've done,
the citizens of angel's rest are going to erect a statue of you
right on this very spot.
Oh, milford. Just think, a statue of you, right here.
Not yet, you fools. Not yet. Wait till they build.
I tell you, insurance is a must for everyone. I wouldn't be without it.
I carry protection against every possible contingency.
I have life insurance, health insurance, fire, accident, horseless carriage,
lightning, collision, flood, personal liability...
- Mrs. Farnsworth is here. - Oh, good. Send her in.
Will you excuse me? Think it over.
- Hello, my darling. - Cora Lee.
Milford.
- Hi, daddy. - Hi, daddy.
Daddy. Daddy. Daddy.
Well, you can't get insurance against everything.
Daddy. Daddy. Daddy.