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COCKEREL CROWS
ALARM RINGS
RINGING CONTINUES
ALARM CONTINUES
HE YAWNS
ALARM CONTINUES
RINGING STOPS, HE SNORES
HE YAWNS
YAWN DISTORTS HIS SPEECH
THEY BOTH YAWN
Shhh!
KETTLE WHISTLES
WHISTLING CONTINUES
Shhh!
KETTLE WHISTLES LOUDLY
YAWN DISTORTS SPEECH
CRASH
Guh!
GAS HISSES
EXPLOSION
Morning, Mrs Hoskins.
Good MORNING,
Mr Grimsdale.
Pitkin! Pitkin, wait a moment!
Listen, I can explain.
Pitkin, I fell through the bathroom floor!
A likely story!
CRACK
CRASH
Ah, Austin. I, er...
I believe you're taking over St Godrick's division today,
aren't you?
Yes, sir.
Hm. Well, you may get a little trouble from Grimsdale's Dairy.
But it shouldn't be too difficult.
After all, you have the finest equipment
and the best milk in the country.
All you need is initiative.
So go out on your territory
and sell milk.
Yes, sir. Take over, Bancroft.
I'm now going back for breakfast.
I'll be back later. Right, sir.
Right, men - carry on.
HE HUMS TO HIMSELF
How's my lovely Nellie this morning?
Hungry?
So am I.
I'm only kidding!
We better get a move on - we're late!
But I couldn't pull a cart myself, could I?
Milk!
DOOR SLAMS
VOICES ARGUE
Well, you don't even look like a wife!
CRASH
..you were late last night!
Don't worry about being late last night...
THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER
Leave off. You can't even cook a decent meal. Go on,
get out... DOORBELL
..and I know all about...
SMASHING
Ooh!
Oooh!
SMASHING
SHOUTING RESUMES
DOORBELL
Yeah?
Milkman.
None today.
THEY ARGUE
For the last time, before I kick you out of here.
DOORBELL
Oh, thank you, Milkman!
Darling, the milk's here!
Would you like a cup of tea?
HE GROWLS
You'll get a clip round the earhole.
This is a peaceful neighbourhood, we don't want any trouble here.
Now, go on - shove off!
Nellie...
Keep your eyes open.
Someone's smashing our bottles.
Come on.
SMASH
WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC
# A man and his horse in the early morn
# Got a right to be free as the day they were born
# And if somebody tries to deny them the right
# To stand and deliver a man's gotta fight
# Or die
# A man's got a right to think and vote
# And a man's got a right to drive his float
# And if somebody tries to take over his round
# A way to discourage him has got to be found
# Or die. #
Well?
Yes, thank you.
You been breaking my bottles?
Listen, mate...
You know what your trouble is?
What? You've got a suspicious mind.
Just because you see a couple of broken bottles,
you assume I've done it.
But I know what's going on here.
What? I've seen it.
What? I watched them.
Who?
The cats.
I can't blame them.
What are you talking about?
You've got bottlenecks with cardboard stoppers in the top.
But birds come along and peck holes in the stoppers, right?
This facilitates the smell of the milk coming out.
Mm. What happens?
What? Around come the cats,
frighten off the birds,
they look around,
and then they go...
Now what?
What?
They can't get their heads in.
Ahh. Frustrated beyond measure,
they go stark raving mad and smash the bottles.
Huh.
How?
Kick 'em.
A cat couldn't kick a bottle, not and smash it.
Haven't you heard?
All the cats here have got a hard pat.
Have they?
But you put your two bottles down in their place. Well,
you don't expect me to stand there and hold 'em, do you?
I'm gonna do what I'm told.
I've got it down here in my book.
Two bottles over THAT side,
and two over THAT side.
One over THERE,
another over THERE.
And various deliveries.
With the result, up go our sales,
and down go Grimsdale's.
I'm gonna tell your manager about you.
Mr Hunter? Oh, he will be pleased.
He's been working since four o'clock this morning,
he's having his rest period.
I'll give you his address.
Oh, yeah? What is it?
Two Thorndale Avenue.
Two Thorndale...
Number two Thorndale, name of Hunter.
Name of Hunter. Hunter.
Number two, Thorndale Avenue.
Go on, Nellie.
Name of Hunter.
Come on!
MOWER WHIRS
I won't be long, Nellie.
WHIRRING
MOWER DROWNS OUT ALL CONVERSATION
LOUD WHIRRING
ENGINE REVS
How do you stop it?
Help, Mr Hunter!
SMASHING
Ohh!
How do I get out?!
THEY SHOUT
Hey, get off my legs!
Ahh!
Anyway, he's smashing all our bottles, as I was telling you.
And he's doing other things - we haven't got a customer left!
GURGLING
This is ridiculous - we could have had a chat in your front room.
CRASH
LEAVES RUSTLE
CREAKING
TREE CREAKS
I saw it with my own eyes!
He smashed both bottles -
kicked them and smashed both of 'em.
Where's he gone?
Enough is enough!
Yes, once and for all.
An end to it...
I am going to kill, kill...
Blow you into little pieces.
No!
Oh, no, you don't!
I...
Mr Grimsdale!
Mr Grimsdale,
Consolidated Dairies are stealing our customers.
That's no reason to burst in here without knocking, Pitkin.
As head of this firm, I'm entitled to a little privacy.
But Mr Grimsdale, they're trying to take our territory.
I know that. I had a letter from them yesterday.
Want me to give them half of the entire business.
If you'll excuse me, I'll go and prepare your meal.
And yours.
DOOR CLOSES
Ah...
You're not gonna sell, are you, Mr Grimsdale?
Of course not, Pitkin.
No giant combine's gonna dictate to me
and if Consolidated Dairies try,
we'll break them. WE'LL break THEM.
But that's what THEY want to do to US!
Don't be silly, Pitkin.
They've broken all our bottles this morning!
What? That's outrageous. That's unbelievable!
I've been here since 1923! 23!
My father established this firm in 1890. 90!
I'm going to speak to the general manager.
Backhurst double one, double two...
B-A-C... B-A-C...
One, one...
Two...
Two, you forgot a bloomin' two.
'Consolidated Dairies.'
Mr Hunter, it is. Mr Hunter, plea...
How do you know?
Mr Hunter's office.
Mr Hunter, please.
He isn't there.
How do you know?
I'm sorry, he isn't here.
He's having his rest period.
Oh, stop trying to be psychic, Pitkin. Hello?
Mr Hunter's having his rest period.
Could you tell me where he is, please?
He's in his garden.
He isn't in his garden, is he?
No, he's just come in.
Wrong, Pitkin!
He's not in his garden.
Mr Grimsdale.
Grimsdale!
LINE GOES DEAD
Well, where's Austin? Here, sir.
Oh. I understand you wanted to see me, sir?
Would you be standing here in my office if I didn't want to see you?
Remove your hat.
Now, Austin.
You know as well as I do
that Grimsdale's are your direct opposition, right?
Right. I want them out of business within a month. No!
Better still, within a week.
That's a bit quick, isn't it, sir? A bit quick?
It's not quick enough, Austin.
There is no room in this world for small, niggling firms.
And old-fashioned, too. Right.
They still use a horse.
A horse?
Tell me...
..does the horse ever get sick?
You mean something in its food to confuse it, mentally?
Now, now, Austin - nothing underhand.
But the main thing is, if Grimsdale's can't deliver the milk,
we can.
It's time for your pill, Mr Hunter. Oh, thank you.
BOTTLES CLINK
Back early, aren't you, Pitkin?
Yep. What's all these full bottles, haven't you sold any?
Look, now... Mr Grimsdale... Mm-hm?
Consolidated Dairies,
with whom we are in opposition,
have infiltrated... They've done what?
Infiltrated.
Hm. Into Rossington,
Cartwright,
and Wood Street. But it's all right, it's all right.
You have got nothing to worry about
because I, I...
have just recaptured Blenheim...
Blenheim... Blenheim, Porchester,
and Porterhouse Road.
But that's not good enough, Pitkin.
You've got to do better than that.
Better, what are you talking about? They've got an electric float
that tears uphill like a bomb.
Now, you can't expect Nellie to gallop uphill
full stretch with a full load now, can you?
You've got a whip, haven't you?
For Nellie? No, I have not.
You'll have to think of something else.
That electric float of theirs.
Does it ever go wrong?
No.
Could do. Electric!
Change the wires round.
You know...
Shorted!
No, no, no, Pitkin.
Nothing underhand.
But, er...
if they can't deliver the milk,
we can, eh?
DOORBELL JINGLES
Austin's my name.
From Consolidated Dairies.
Ohhh.
Ah, I don't blame you, mate.
If I was you, I wouldn't want to shake hands with me, either.
I'm wicked, mate.
I know that.
If you threw me out of this shop now,
and then got all the people in that street
out there to stone me...
..not one word of complaint would come from my lips.
Cos I know what I've done wrong, mate.
Broken your bottles.
I suppose he's told you about all this.
Hm. Yeah. Right. Now,
what makes a man want to break bottles?
Headaches, mate.
Splitting, blinding headaches. No!
But never again - I've found a new thing.
It's called aspirin.
But that doesn't help to bring your bottles back, does it?
It's no use me coming here empty-handed
to say that I'm sorry.
So, er...
Here you are.
A few apples.
Bought out of my war pension.
For your horse, Mary.
Nellie.
Sorry, I'm, er... I'm shocking at names.
Oh, that's all right.
Nellie.
They come from here, mate.
That's where they come from.
Here.
Lovely horse, that Mary.
Nellie.
It's me emotions, mate.
I've made myself look a fool.
HE SOBS
I wish I hadn't come here now, mate.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Pitkin?
A nice man like that. You're too hasty, Pitkin!
I don't think... That's right, you DON'T think!
That's your trouble.
Now, then - which one am I going to have?
They're Nellie's!
One for each of us and the rest for Nellie, eh?
You've got the biggest one.
You have the smallest one - that evens things up, doesn't it?
They're Nellie's, Nellie's.
Where are you going?
I'm just gonna give them to Nellie. Stop worrying about that horse.
I'll let you know when it's time for her to have her apples.
Go on, you've got work to do.
Well, where are you going, then?
I'm just going to have a bit of a...er, rest.
Now? Yes, all right.
Just a minute!
HE WHISPERS: Turn the telly on!
I was just, er, changing my slippers, Pitkin.
Well, that didn't take long, did it?
What?
Giving those apples to Nellie. She munched away, there!
Why don't you sit down, Pitkin?
We're watching telly.
'Ere, you had your apple yet?
No, it's in my coat pocket.
ARABIAN MUSIC FROM TV
APPLE CRUNCHES
Nice and sweet, ain't they?
HE SLURS Picture's...
Picture's gone out of focus.
Perfect picture.
Gone out of focus!
Oh!
HE LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY Bumped!
Swimming.
But there's no water.
Oh.
Water! Water everywhere!
But not a drop to drink!
Drink. So that's what it is!
You've both been drinking, haven't you?
You oughta be ashamed of yourselves!
CLACKING OF NEEDLES AMPLIFIED
No!
No! Stop banging on those needles!
Get away!
I can't STAND IT!
Oh!
Drinking, until you fall unconscious.
I think it's disgraceful.
Nellie? What you done with your cart?
SHE WHINNIES
Cats can't break bottles.
I-I know who done it!
AUSTIN'S VOICE: 'Hard pat. They've got hard pats.'
No! No!
Austin's got a hard pat!
He paid for it out of his war pension!
'Pitkin!'
Mr Grimsdale?
'Knock, Pitkin, knock!'
'A few apples for your horse, Mary.'
Nellie?
Mr Hunter's garden!
'I'll kill you!' Oh...
'KILL YOU!'
You can't kill me!
A few apples...
VOICES OVERLAP
'I'll kill you!'
VOICES ECHO AND OVERLAP
Nellie...
Nellie!
HE PANTS
Ne...
Nellie...
Nellie!
Nellie, what's wrong?
Nellie, wake up!
I'll get the doctor!
Doctor, doctor,
doctor...
Ah.
Hello, operator...
Cupley three...
3-3-3, please.
'Double three, double-three.'
Double three, double-three.
Yeah, it's the doctor's house.
PHONE RINGS
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
This is the doctor speaking!
It's Nellie.
Nellie, hello!
Oh, no, no...
Look, Nellie's not well.
Oh. What are her symptoms?
Well, she's dopey.
Well, most wives are!
Do you know what's wrong with her?
No, do you?
Could you come and see her, please?
Oh, I'm afraid I'm terribly busy at the moment.
What with one thing...
and another.
What are you doing, there?
Um, I'm held up at this moment.
Can't you come at all?
I'm pretty sure I shan't be able to get away.
But she can't even stand up!
Oh, there are plenty of people here like that!
They're lying all over the floor here.
All ill, I suppose, in the surgery.
What am I going to do, here?
The most important thing to do
is keep her warm. Yeah, yeah.
Keep her warm!
Take her to... PUT her to bed,
with a hot water bottle,
with some hot water in it...
Oh, have you got any sleeping pills?
Yeah. Good.
There's some in the cupboard.
Good. They're on the top shelf, I know that.
Fine. They're in the bathroom.
Splendid...
THEY SPEAK OVER EACH OTHER
Well, GIVE HER ONE!
They're in the... Poison and everything.
Mr Grimsdale's down...
Oh, no, he's gone.
Oh!
CLATTERING
That's it, that's it, there.
There.
Steady - steady, Nellie!
CLATTERING
Sh-sh!
HOOVES CLATTER ON STAIRS
Ooh, my head.
Come on, Nellie.
Come on.
Oh!
Come on, now.
SHE WHINNIES
CRASH
SHE NICKERS
Oh, thank you, Nell.
CLATTERING
Shut the door.
SLAMS
Ohh!
Come on, then.
SHE WHINNIES
Shh-shh!
Come on, Nell, eh?
Come on.
Come on, back up.
CRASH
Mr Grimsdale?
Oh, please - I've got an awful thumping in my head.
That's just it, Mr Grimsdale.
It isn't in your head - it's coming from up...
Sleep, Nellie.
You'll feel better in the morning.
Ooh!
SHE SCREAMS
URN CRASHES, MILK GUSHES
You!
YOU!
You'll pay for this, I'll have every penny you got!
Come back here, come back!
CRASH
What do you think you're doing? What?
Where's your horse, Mary?
Nellie.
Did she eat ALL the apples?
Oh, well...
Mr Grimsdale ate one
and, of course, I...
Why?
Nothin'.
Oh, so that's it?
That's why Nellie...
You doped those apples!
So what? So what? She...
This is war, mate.
War.
Little men like you don't stand a chance.
No.
Don't! No!
TRAIN HORN
It's war.
Mr Grimsdale!
IT'S WAR!
Mr Grimsdale!
Knock, Pitkin, knock!
How many times do I have to tell you?
Mr Grimsdale, it's war!
It's what?
Well...
We've had a bit of bad luck.
Consolidated have smashed up our handcart.
The milk. Milk?
Milk!
It's...
Um, well...
It's war. War or no war, Pitkin, you knock!
Even Drake was allowed to finish his game of bowls
before he went into battle.
If you'll excuse me...
Besides, we're beaten, Pitkin.
Consolidated's too big.
You were at Dunkirk, weren't you, Mr Grimsdale?
I wonder what would have happened if you'd given up then?
You're right, Pitkin.
We'll fight them.
To the last half pint of milk.
B-A-C...
1-1-2...
2.
PHONE RINGS
Mr Hunter's office.
Oh, just a moment, please.
Mr Hunter? Mr Grimsdale.
Tell him to go and...
'Now, listen to me, Grimsdale.'
HE SHOUTS
Mr Hunter, I demand an apology!
Mr Hunter has gone to play golf.
Gone to play golf.
That man needs a good lesson - I'm going to see he gets one, too.
He's got to be taught right from wrong.
He's got to be taught that, Mr Grimsdale.
Right, Pitkin - off you go to the golf course.
Me? But I thought that YOU...?
Pitkin, I'm the chairman, the managing director.
He's only the general manager. Think of my position.
He must be taught that good transcends all evil.
Make him see the error of his ways.
Love maketh no ill will to its neighbour.
Let him therefore cast off the wicked works of darkness
and don the humble light.
Eh? Beautiful, Pitkin, beautiful.
Eh, up, love.
Very well, Mr Grimsdale.
I shall go to him.
Heads.
Ah. Hm.
Too bad, Colonel.
Excuse me...
Sh! Sh!
Um...
Could you tell me where I can find Mr Hunter?
HE COUGHS
Ahem!
HE COUGHS
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
HE SPLUTTERS
Oh!
Oh, phew!
Phew!
Well.
Mr Hunter?
Oh, damn and blast!
Why can't you be...?
Oh, I... I do beg your pardon, Reverend.
You have got to be taught
what is right and what is wrong.
We appreciate your company, Padre,
but we're trying to play a game of golf. Oh, mm.
Now!
I'll get it!
BOTH: No!
Give it to me.
CRASH
Slater...
CRUNCHING
Slater, you idiot! Let him have it if he wants it.
Now, come back here.
PITKIN LAUGHS
This is ridiculous.
HE LAUGHS TO HIMSELF
Oh, there's a rotten bit of luck.
It's gone down that little 'ole.
ADOPTS POSH VOICE: I shall never be able to get it out of there.
Come on.
What a day.
I wish I hadn't come. It's your fault. And his.
I got it! I got it!
You're not supposed... Put it down!
HE LAUGHS
CRASH
That'll cost you two strokes, Hunter.
Look what you've done to my trolley!
You...! Where is your gratitude?
I was the one who found your ball.
Hm!
That ball and you
have cost me two strokes.
CLANG Ah!
Ooh!
Ohh!
Dear Colonel!
What on earth's going on?
All right, all right.
All right.
HE LAUGHS
YOU!
Give me that club!
I'll beat your brains in.
Leave it to me.
Are you going to concede? Certainly not!
That's it, Mr Hunter.
Never, never ever,
say die.
HE LAUGHS
We'll soon get it, Mr Hunter.
What, up there?
Give me a leg up.
I shall do no such thing.
You'd better concede, old man.
Get up.
Give me your foot.
Go on - up you go.
Go on!
You know, it's absolute madness to try this shot, Hunter.
Give me a hand, Colonel, would you?
Uh!
Oh!
Why don't you concede, Hunter?
BOTH: No!
There it is, Mr Hunter. Where? Up there.
Oh, yes.
Let's get above it.
Er, yes!
Thank you.
Oh, yes.
A 5-iron, Colonel.
This is madness.
All right, coming up.
Argh!
Hold on. Grab hold of that...
POSH VOICE: Grab hold of that branch!
Ohhh!
Mr Hunter? Yes.
While we're hanging about,
may I have a word with you? What?
Do you think it's fair
for the big firms
to try to put a little shop out of business?
You can't impede the wheels of progress.
But instead of fighting, Mr Hunter,
why don't Consolidated Dairies and Grimsdale's try to help each other?
Like I'm helping you, now.
Oh, for goodness sake.
Why don't you shut up?
Oh!
It's gone into that bird's nest.
I can see that!
Get me over it.
Well, let go of the branch, then!
Down a bit!
PING
Huh!
Wah!
You...
Would you care to concede?
CLANG
'BIRDS' TWEET
CUCKOO
I personally guarantee
that Consolidated
will obliterate Grimsdale's
within a week!
Within an hour!
Now!
Wait till I get you, you horrible little vicar, you!
Mr Grimsdale!
And, er...
See, Mrs Hosk...
Oh!
Would you mind if I called you Gladwys?
Cheeky!
Well, I've been thinking, you see.
We've had so many nice times
together and, er... Well,
I was wondering...
I don't quite know how to put this, but...
SHE WAILS
I'm just...
Gladwys, what's the matter?
I'm so happy!
Mr Grimsdale?!
BEFORE, Pitkin!
Not after!
You'll excuse me...
No, you stay here. Pitkin, I want a word in your ear, please.
Pitkin, I need your help.
I am trying to help, Mr Grimsdale.
Now, I've just had a meeting with Mr Hunter.
Oh, forget Mr Hunter.
Yeah, I agree - we don't need him!
I should soon have a few more ideas
that'll have Consolidated Dairies crawling to US.
Pitkin! I'm in love with Mrs Hoskins,
but... Well, I haven't got the courage to propose to her.
You're not thinking of getting married with the firm
halfway down the drain hole? Now, if you were to propose to her
on my behalf... Me? What for? ..and get her to marry me,
then I could concentrate on the dairy, don't you see?
Put the firm back on its feet.
On its feet, Pitkin!
SOBBING
SHE WAILS
That's because she's happy, Pitkin!
SOBBING
Mrs Hoskins?
Yes?
Mrs Hoskins, do you ever think about getting married?
I never think of anything else!
There comes a time
when a man should take a wife.
But he doesn't always be lucky enough to find the one he wants.
Do you follow me?
I think I'm beginning to!
Does Mr Grimsdale know about this?
Oh, he needs it, he's dead keen on the wedding.
Wedding!
A proposal, then?
Yes!
Aren't I a lucky girl?
Twice in one day!
SHE WAILS
HE JOINS IN
What's the matter, Pitkin?
I'm happy, now!
Mr Grimsdale said if you accepted,
he'd put the dairy back on its feet!
I don't care about the dairy!
I do!
The whole world must know that we mean business!
Oh, Norman,
you're wonderful!
It's settled, then?
Yes!
Oh, what you doing?!
Mr Grimsdale!
MR GRIMSDALE!
Mr Grimsdale!
WE are going to be married!
MR GRIMSDALE WAILS
I have filled that.
Why don't you stop behaving like a child?
Don't you dare talk to me like that in my shop.
Your what? Shop?
Look at it - bare!
Hardly anything left.
Bit of butter, couple of eggs.
If it hadn't been for her making you lovesick,
together we could have put Consolidated Dairies
right out of business. I'm not lovesick any longer, am I, Pitkin?
I'll tell you what I'm going to do. What?
I'm going to start all over again
and put this shop back on its feet.
Then I'll show YOU how to work.
That will be the day.
And where would you begin?
Me? Well, I'd start off by economising.
That's it - economise! That's what I've got to do.
And the first thing to get rid of is Nellie.
So you can take her to the old horses' home, right now.
Mr Grimsdale,
if I say I'm sorry,
can Nellie stay?
You can't have it all ways, Pitkin.
The horse AND Mrs Hoskins.
Why not take the shop?
I don't want the shop!
And I don't want Mrs Hoskins, either.
You don't want Mrs Hoskins?
No, I do not.
Oh, Pitkin.
I'm sorry, I misjudged you.
Now, everything's going to be all right.
So Nellie can stay, then?
NO!
SAD MUSIC
Nellie...
For some time, now,
look, business hasn't been too good.
And, well...
Mr Grimsdale reckons
it's time we started to economise.
So I've got to take you to an old horses' home.
Oh, it's all right.
It's sort of like a horses' holiday camp.
Yeah, that's it.
Like horses' holiday camp.
Where there'll be lovely green fields and...
And you won't have to get up early in the mornings, either.
I'll be able to come and see you on my days off.
Still...
I suppose you'll soon find a new friend, won't you?
Hello.
You off to the hunt, then?
Where's your red coat?
Come on, Nell.
HOOVES CLATTER
NELLIE WHINNIES
Oh, Nellie!
You're not supposed to be here.
You've run away. Ohh!
HOOVES CLATTER
Ohh...
How can I refuse you?
All right, we'll work together again,
even if it is only for a little while.
Pitkin!
Quiet, Nellie!
Yes, Mr Grimsdale?
What's going on down there, Pitkin?
Nothing, Mr Grimsdale.
I... I was just going to start work.
You've got that horse down there.
How dare you defy me? Get rid of it at once.
Now, listen, Mr Grimsdale...
Mrs Hoskins!
Mrs Grimsdale, if you please.
We were married - special licence.
I shan't keep you a moment, my love.
Well, Pitkin? What is it?
It's about Nellie, Mr Grimsdale.
If I pay for her food myself, can we keep her?
No, we cannot.
Then I'm sorry, I shall have to leave.
Pitkin, you don't understand - we're broke.
I'm prepared to admit it - Consolidated Dairies have beaten us.
But now, of course,
in view of our additional responsibilities,
I have decided to accept their offer
and merge our business with theirs.
But we shall be swallowed up, Mr Grimsdale!
Nonsense. I shall demand the firm
be called Grimsdale's Consolidated Dairies,
to be split right down the middle.
We shall get half their business
and they'll have half ours.
And, er...
Who do you think will be chairman?
What about me?
I've never let you down yet, Pitkin, have I?
What about Austin?
We'll get rid of him. He smashed all our bottles
and he said... Yes, yes -
and Hunter, he'll have to go too, but all in good time, Pitkin.
Well, we shall have a new staff.
Here you are, look - see. Sir Roger Wedgewood.
Chairman. Um...
Temporary. Come on.
Would you kindly inform Sir Roger Wedgewood
that I am here.
Oh? And what name, please?
Thomas Grimsdale.
MP.
Oh. Yes, of course.
Milk proprietor.
Thomas Grimsdale, MP, to see Sir Roger.
Yes.
Would you care to go up, sir? It's on the fourth floor.
You've got a button undone, there.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
What's your name? Huggins, sir.
Sir Roger Wedgewood? Nah.
Fred Knowles.
Good morning. Mr Grimsdale?
Yes, and Mr Pitkin. How do you do?
Would you come this way?
Miss, um...? Cartwright.
Sir Roger?
Mr Grimsdale and Mr Pitkin.
And you have a board meeting in two minutes.
Thank you, Miss Cartwright.
Good morning, Grimsdale.
Er, Mr Pitkin. Good morning, Mr Pitkin.
Mr Grimsdale. Grimsdale.
Won't you sit down, gentlemen?
CRASH
Well, now, Mr, er...
Pitkin. Grimsdale.
Grims... Grimsdale.
Grimsdale rings a bell.
Yet I have no indication...
Grimsdale's Dairy.
Yes, of course.
You've caused us quite a lot of trouble.
Have we?
I like that!
So you finally decided to come to terms?
Well... You know, we don't want to keep...
Very sensible of you.
Now, the next thing we must do...
What? What?
Is to discuss the basic details.
Well, what we had in mind...
With my...
Come in, Walter, will you?
And I shall look forward to a further discussion shortly.
There'll be many a chat and cup of tea,
soon as we get to know each other.
And now, if you'll forgive me...
I have an important board meeting to attend.
Ah, Hunter.
Mr Grimsdale and Mr Pitkin.
Hunter, they want to come to terms.
Kindly be good enough to attend to them.
Good afternoon, Mr... Grimsdale. Pitkin.
Follow me.
Very nice.
Well, gentlemen - what are your terms?
Oh, you can have half of our business,
but of course, we shall want half of yours.
And it's got to be called Grimsdale's Consolidated Dairies
AND...
HE is going to be the chairman.
He's going to be...?!
Are you insane?
Or is it possible you believe what you're saying?
Oh, no - definitely not!
Now, get out!
Before you go -
come here - let me show you both something.
You see this? All of this is us.
Grimsdale's...
Ah, Grimsdale's...
Right!
That's the fate of Grimsdale's!
It's gone! Understand?
Gone!
All done with it!
Obliterated.
No longer in existence.
Now,
out!
OUT! You...
Out!
OUT!
He's joking, ain't ya?
Go on - hahahaha!
SMASH
When you get home tonight and you're dying to have a cup of tea,
I hope you haven't got a drop of milk in the house! Will you get OUT!
HE GULPS
Now I think we should look at the file for Grimsdale's lease.
Yes, Mr Hunter!
Wait for me, Mr Grimsdale!
Ahh!
Pitkin! The lift's jammed!
Pitkin, help! Try to keep calm!
I-I'll get some help!
Where's the fire?
Fire? I don't know.
Help!
Mr Grimsdale's stuck in the lift!
"Where's the fire?"
Fire?
Fire!
Mr Grimsdale!
Um...
Mr Grimsdale!
There's a fire!
A fire?
Yeah! Just get me out of here!
Leave it to me, Mr Grimsdale!
The worst thing you can do
is to panic!
Woo!
Send for the fire brigade!
Sound the alarm!
I found it, Mr Grimsdale!
Ooh!
Pitkin, help!
HE COUGHS
Pitkin, where are you?
Pitkin, help!
HE COUGHS
HE CHOKES
WHIRRING
Help!
HELP!
Fire!
Fire?
Fire!
FIRE!
Fire!
FIRE! Yeah, I know!
The whole building's in flames.
Oh! Oh!
Pull yourself... Pull yourself together!
I'll warn them all on this floor, see?
And you tell them all upstairs.
Hey, hey, hey!
I'll tell them all DOWNstairs.
FIRE!
Fire, everybody out!
Help! Pitkin, please!
I'm going to choke! SIRENS RING
The flames are licking all round the building!
They're flicking up the wall!
Help! Fire! Fire!
SIRENS BLARE
The fire's here!
Parking there!
Right, get four lines of hose into the building
and I'll take the ladder up to the fourth floor. Right, sir.
SCREAMING
Oi!
Stand back!
Give Mr Grimsdale air!
He's stuck in the lift! Ain't ya?
Everybody downstairs!
SCREAMING
It's all right, Mr Grimsdale!
The fire brigade's here!
There's nothing to worry about now!
Good boy!
I didn't think you'd hear me.
Eh? You're the chief, ain't you?
Yeah. You've got a bit of a fire on your hands, here.
I've done all I can and now, it's up to you. Thanks very much.
I'll put you in the picture. There's a bloke stuck in the lift.
Name of Grimsdale.
Are you there? Help!
There you are. You've done a fine job.
Right, Huggins - up the top of the lift shaft
and try and release the tension. I'll take that.
Hold this for Huggins. Harris!
Which one's Harris?
Come on, Harris - hurry up. There's a fire!
Urgh!
Keep alert!
It's all right, Mr Grimsdale -
we'll have you out of there in two minutes. Right, Chief?
Chief?
Are you all right, Chief?
Give the order to...
Eh? Give the order to...
Give the what?
Give the order...
I can't give any orders,
they won't take any notice of me. I'm not in charge!
You mean... You mean I AM in charge?
Oh, Chief!
SCREAMING
Right, you men. I am giving the orders now,
so, let's have some discipline.
When I say go, I want you to turn the water on
and stand by to charge.
But there's still people left in the building, sir.
If we put the fire out, they won't have to leave, will they?
Water! Hose! I shall take that.
Water on. WATER ON!
Water coming through, sir.
Follow me - charge!
Oh! THEY SCREAM
Someone get me out of here! SCREAMING
Help!
HELP!
Ohh!
SCREAMS
Oh! You dirty devil!
Turn it off!
This is no time to lark about!
Ooh, fire extinguisher.
SHE GIGGLES
Oh! Ohh! Oh!
Oh! Oh, Mr Hunter!
Fire! Everybody out!
Fire? Fire!
Miss Curry, the files!
The files! Miss Curry, please. The files!
Where is this going? Where are the files?
Help, please, somebody!
Pitkin, where are you?
The time you take... Let it go!
Keep your feet still.
Breathe in!
I am! Well, breathe out, then!
He's gone. We're out of water, sir. No! Yes.
Oh, dear.
Wait here.
Anyone know where the water is?
Hey! What are you doing here?
I'm in charge of the fire.
Don't touch that - leave it alone!
You've ruined Grimsdale's,
now you want Consolidated to burn down!
Didn't take HIM long to disappear, did it?
Hey, you!
Come back here.
Now, look - are you responsible for this outrage?
I am the general manager.
And I'm the Fire Chief - where's the fire?
If you're the Fire Chief, you should know where the fire is!
There is no fire - some idiot was messing around
with the smoke purifier.
I've just put it right.
Come on, you men!
Don't stand about!
No fire!
Turn the water...on!
SCREAMS
ENGINE REVS
CRASH
CRACKING
MURMURING
BRICKS CLATTER
HE BLOWS
Well done, Pitkin.
Pitkin, well done.
I'll see you get ten years for this.
You can see what you like.
You can have me beheaded on the gallows.
You can even hang me on the guillotine.
As ever,
I was only trying to help, which is more than I can say about you
or your lot.
All this is nothing
compared to what you done to us.
You and your dirty methods
have put our dairy right out of business.
Shhh. Never mind about shush!
I'm gonna tell everyone!
We was just a...
Just a little tiny firm,
just trying to give a bit of personal service.
We didn't care about making a great big fortune.
We only had ten streets!
Ten!
But Consolidated still had to push us out.
They broke all our bottles.
They smashed up our handcart.
Do you know, they even poisoned my horse, Nellie.
She used to pull our milk float.
And poor old Nellie is now residing
in an old horses' home.
Now, listen, Pit... Um, Grimsdale.
Pitkin.
Pitkin? Yeah.
Pitkin!
You can have your round.
Intact.
And you have my personal assurance
that we will leave you alone.
Provided that you leave US alone, you understand?
You leave us alone. Alone.
No!
Mr Grimsdale!
MR GRIMSDALE!
Mr Grimsdale! Go on, Nellie! Mr Grimsdale!
War again!
They've started again, Mr Grimsdale!
They're smashing all our bottles!
Mr Grimsdale!
HE KNOCKS
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