1
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,916
Dear friends!
2
00:01:52,916 --> 00:01:55,355
It's thinking. Think it!
3
00:01:55,355 --> 00:01:57,192
It's all in here.
4
00:01:57,192 --> 00:02:00,431
The triumph of mind over matter.
5
00:02:00,431 --> 00:02:02,476
What is mind? No matter.
6
00:02:02,476 --> 00:02:05,233
What is matter? Never mind.
7
00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:07,788
It's thinking. It's thinking that counts.
8
00:02:07,788 --> 00:02:09,836
That's the secret,
9
00:02:09,836 --> 00:02:13,310
your way to health and to happiness.
10
00:02:13,310 --> 00:02:15,789
Now, my friends,
11
00:02:15,789 --> 00:02:20,795
I want you to look at this woman.
12
00:02:20,795 --> 00:02:22,472
You won't believe this,
13
00:02:22,472 --> 00:02:25,870
but for many years this poor creature
14
00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:29,236
has suffered from loss of hearing,
15
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,515
or, in technical terms,
16
00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:33,795
Mutt and Jeffness.
17
00:02:33,795 --> 00:02:36,030
Medicine could do nothing for her.
18
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,509
The doctors gave her up.
19
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,516
That's right, dear, isn't it?
20
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,679
That's right, dear. Chloe!
21
00:02:45,679 --> 00:02:47,796
They gave you up!
22
00:02:47,796 --> 00:02:49,438
Yes.
23
00:02:49,438 --> 00:02:51,476
It's not surprising.
24
00:02:51,476 --> 00:02:55,109
- But...
- For years I had suffered from loss of hearing.
25
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,594
The doctors could do nothing for me.
26
00:02:58,594 --> 00:03:01,240
I did not know which way to turn.
27
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,673
That's right, dear, yes.
28
00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:06,912
Till one day, I had the good fortune
to meet Mr Bigger.
29
00:03:06,912 --> 00:03:11,278
It was he who taught me the power of thought.
30
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:16,275
He showed me
that the mind was stronger than the body.
31
00:03:16,275 --> 00:03:18,635
That is enough!
32
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,036
And now...
33
00:03:27,036 --> 00:03:31,318
while my assistant passes amongst you
with the collection box...
34
00:03:31,318 --> 00:03:34,119
Purely travelling expenses, of course.
35
00:03:34,119 --> 00:03:36,156
No cheques, please. Just notes.
36
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:41,552
I will deliver my final message.
37
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,076
You will be amazed!
38
00:03:45,076 --> 00:03:47,594
Look at me. I don't need doctors,
39
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:49,636
I don't need medicine,
40
00:03:49,636 --> 00:03:51,073
and nor will you
41
00:03:51,073 --> 00:03:52,752
if you'll just think:
42
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,796
"Nothing.
43
00:03:55,796 --> 00:03:57,836
Nothing can happen to me."
44
00:03:57,836 --> 00:03:59,876
And believe me,
45
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,672
nothing will.
46
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:15,310
Oh!
47
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,556
Hurts, does it, sir?
48
00:04:18,556 --> 00:04:21,757
Oh, no,
I'm just doing this to while away the journey.
49
00:04:25,756 --> 00:04:26,596
Oh, no!
50
00:04:29,918 --> 00:04:30,668
Oh!
51
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,070
Argh! Urgh!
52
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,270
Blimey, he's in a hurry!
53
00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,834
Come on.
Just a quick one while Sister's out of the ward.
54
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:03,151
No, Mr Roper.
Dr Tinkle says it's not good for you.
55
00:05:03,151 --> 00:05:05,390
- But I've been smoking for years.
- No!
56
00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:07,710
- Well, give us a kiss, then.
- Certainly not!
57
00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:09,756
That's even worse for you.
58
00:05:09,756 --> 00:05:13,116
- What am I going to do, then?
- You can take your medicine.
59
00:05:13,116 --> 00:05:15,156
I bet you can too.
60
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:36,269
Not again.
I've never known a bloke go as much as you.
61
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,952
You're just jealous cos you can't.
62
00:05:43,596 --> 00:05:46,478
Fosdick Ward, Nurse Clarke. Bed three.
63
00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:49,472
- Yes, Sister.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute!
64
00:05:49,472 --> 00:05:51,516
Aren't I going to see a doctor?
65
00:05:51,516 --> 00:05:56,435
All in good time, Mr Bigger. We must get
our clothes off and get into bed first, mustn't we?
66
00:05:56,435 --> 00:05:57,475
We?
67
00:05:57,475 --> 00:05:59,915
Madam, I have an affliction!
68
00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:01,956
That will do, Nurse.
69
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:09,995
Sister's coming!
70
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,116
Evening, Sister.
71
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,639
All right. Onto the bed, please, Mr Bigger.
72
00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:29,109
I can't. Every movement is agony!
73
00:06:29,109 --> 00:06:31,953
Come along, come along.
We mustn't be a baby, must we?
74
00:06:31,953 --> 00:06:33,996
We must be a big, brave boy.
75
00:06:33,996 --> 00:06:35,718
How can I be a big, brave boy?
76
00:06:35,718 --> 00:06:38,439
I've got a painsy-wainsy in my botty-wotty!
77
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,635
Come along, now.
78
00:06:39,635 --> 00:06:41,676
Well... Mind. Will you...
79
00:06:41,676 --> 00:06:43,239
Oh! Don't...
80
00:06:43,239 --> 00:06:45,754
Leave it alone, I'll do it myself!
81
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:49,992
There. More comfortable?
82
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:50,742
No.
83
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,638
Oi, there's something moving about under my...
84
00:06:54,638 --> 00:06:57,029
Oh! It's trying to...
85
00:06:57,029 --> 00:06:58,951
He's on my hand, Sister.
86
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,712
Oh, thank goodness for that.
87
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,677
I thought I was being got at by something.
88
00:07:02,677 --> 00:07:05,194
I'll try and find Matron. Get his things off, Nurse.
89
00:07:05,194 --> 00:07:06,838
Wait a minute.
90
00:07:06,838 --> 00:07:09,150
Wait a minute! I don't want my things off!
91
00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:11,470
Don't get Matron. I'm not having my...
92
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:12,913
What are you doing that for?
93
00:07:12,913 --> 00:07:16,037
Look, I'm not being exposed by you.
So now, then.
94
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,116
Mr Biddle.
95
00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:57,679
Ah, evening, Matron.
96
00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,558
What are you doing out of your ward, Mr Biddle?
97
00:09:00,558 --> 00:09:02,232
I've just been to the whatnot.
98
00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:05,198
I'm allowed to go myself now. Sister said so.
99
00:09:05,198 --> 00:09:08,955
That's right, Matron, but within reason.
This is the third time in an hour.
100
00:09:08,955 --> 00:09:11,759
Sorry.
I didn't know anybody was keeping the score.
101
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,997
I think we'd better have a look
at Mr Biddle's bladder, Sister.
102
00:09:15,997 --> 00:09:18,150
Oh, no, it wasn't that. It was the other.
103
00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:19,992
I wanted to go, so I went,
104
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,752
but... I couldn't.
105
00:09:21,752 --> 00:09:25,958
Oh, I see. Then we must try and make it easier
for you, Mr Biddle.
106
00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:28,110
Double the dose in future, Sister.
107
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,599
Oh, no!
108
00:09:29,599 --> 00:09:31,636
Back to your ward. Hurry along.
109
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,594
Oh! You might have cut your nails.
110
00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:38,438
Well, will you take them off, then?
111
00:09:38,438 --> 00:09:40,636
No, I will not. Don't you dare!
112
00:09:40,636 --> 00:09:43,280
Oh, now, don't be a silly boy.
113
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,238
Look, if I let you,
would that make me a sensible one?
114
00:09:46,238 --> 00:09:48,117
What's going on here, Nurse?
115
00:09:48,117 --> 00:09:51,078
Sister, he won't let me
take his underpants off, the silly boy.
116
00:09:51,078 --> 00:09:52,718
You're darn right I won't.
117
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,234
And I'm not a boy, as you'd soon find out.
118
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:59,791
Come now, Mr Bigger.
We don't want to lie in our nice, comfortable bed
119
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,518
with our nasty old pants on, do we now?
120
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,956
Madam, what you do in your bed
is your own affair.
121
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:10,471
Mr Bigger,
all patients must wear pyjamas or a bed gown.
122
00:10:10,471 --> 00:10:14,109
Look, I don't care about that.
I'm not letting her take them off.
123
00:10:14,109 --> 00:10:16,156
I mean, her a mere chit of a girl
124
00:10:16,156 --> 00:10:18,276
and me a fully matured male animal.
125
00:10:18,276 --> 00:10:21,352
- Mr Bigger...
- All right, Sister, that's quite enough.
126
00:10:21,352 --> 00:10:22,634
I'll handle this.
127
00:10:22,634 --> 00:10:26,872
I don't suppose you regard me as
a mere chit of a girl, Mr Bigger.
128
00:10:26,872 --> 00:10:29,520
Well, you said it.
129
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,397
Very well, then.
130
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,435
What...
131
00:10:32,435 --> 00:10:33,475
Argh!
132
00:10:33,475 --> 00:10:34,225
Oy!
133
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,876
That wasn't so bad, was it?
134
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:42,708
Well,
135
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,756
they were a present.
136
00:10:44,756 --> 00:10:48,549
I can understand your reluctance
to part with them.
137
00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:51,234
All right, Nurse, put his bed gown on.
138
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:58,234
lunderstand you are suffering
from an acute pain in the region of the posterior.
139
00:10:58,234 --> 00:11:00,515
Ooh, yes. Not half I am.
140
00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:03,831
- Yes.
- Could you be a little more specific, Mr Bigger?
141
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,956
Where exactly is it?
142
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:10,318
It's in the same place
as everybody else's posterior, including yours.
143
00:11:10,318 --> 00:11:13,358
I was referring to the pain.
144
00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:15,954
All right. It's down here.
145
00:11:15,954 --> 00:11:17,996
There's... Ohh!
146
00:11:17,996 --> 00:11:20,036
No, that's far enough!
147
00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:22,156
I'll take it from there, cheeky.
148
00:11:22,156 --> 00:11:24,196
Has the houseman seen him yet?
149
00:11:24,196 --> 00:11:25,599
- No, Matron.
- Why not?
150
00:11:25,599 --> 00:11:28,717
- Who's on duty this evening?
- Oh, Dr Kilmore, Matron.
151
00:11:28,717 --> 00:11:30,518
That explains it.
152
00:11:30,518 --> 00:11:32,670
Would you like me to go and fetch him, Matron?
153
00:11:32,670 --> 00:11:36,230
You may as well. It's the best we can do
until Dr Tinkle sees him tomorrow.
154
00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:38,880
I want the best treatment, you know.
No experiments.
155
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,359
I'm not a guinea pig.
156
00:11:40,359 --> 00:11:42,396
Oh, I agree, Mr Bigger.
157
00:11:42,396 --> 00:11:44,277
More like a hamster.
158
00:11:44,277 --> 00:11:45,027
Oh!
159
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,796
Have you been smoking, Mr Roper?
160
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,873
And so a great hospital
swings into action.
161
00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:14,269
Its doctors, nurses and orderlies
162
00:12:14,269 --> 00:12:17,511
working round the clock,
calmly, coolly and efficiently
163
00:12:17,511 --> 00:12:19,909
to relieve the suffering of others.
164
00:12:19,909 --> 00:12:23,151
Dedicated,
and apparently without any emotions.
165
00:12:23,151 --> 00:12:26,994
But as any television viewer knows,
appearances can be deceptive.
166
00:12:26,994 --> 00:12:31,437
Yes, as in all hospitals,
there is high drama beneath the placid surface.
167
00:12:31,437 --> 00:12:35,149
As in all humans,
a thousand passions and loves
168
00:12:35,149 --> 00:12:37,629
surge and tremble
beneath the bed gowns,
169
00:12:37,629 --> 00:12:41,429
the white jackets, and the starched bosoms.
170
00:12:41,429 --> 00:12:46,071
Oh dear, I must
try and control my feelings when I see him.
171
00:12:46,071 --> 00:12:49,232
Please, please don't let me blush.
172
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,228
I can't think of anything
more perfect than the night, and you.
173
00:12:55,228 --> 00:12:56,275
And me.
174
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:59,670
God, but you look absolutely stunning tonight.
175
00:12:59,670 --> 00:13:01,716
Breathlessly beautiful.
176
00:13:01,716 --> 00:13:04,678
I've never seen such a lovely...
177
00:13:04,678 --> 00:13:06,716
Not bad.
178
00:13:06,716 --> 00:13:08,836
Not bad at all.
179
00:13:08,836 --> 00:13:10,876
Now, what do I say?
180
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,876
Ah, yes.
181
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,916
I don't know what it is,
182
00:13:15,916 --> 00:13:19,436
but, somehow,
you're completely different to all other girls.
183
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,560
May I?
184
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,148
May I take your coat?
185
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,635
Oh, what a beautiful neck!
186
00:13:32,635 --> 00:13:35,029
Quite irresistible.
187
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,832
Forgive me. I just had to do that.
188
00:13:39,832 --> 00:13:40,875
Doctor?
189
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,916
Please, darling, just call me Jim.
190
00:13:42,916 --> 00:13:44,956
Dr Kilmore?
191
00:13:44,956 --> 00:13:47,395
Oh... Oh, oh, Nurse Clarke.
192
00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:49,630
Excuse me,
but there's a casualty in Fosdick.
193
00:13:49,630 --> 00:13:50,675
Oh, good!
194
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,670
There. Doctor will be here in a moment.
195
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,113
I should hope so.
196
00:14:05,113 --> 00:14:08,237
For all he knows,
I might be lying here with my life ebbing away!
197
00:14:08,237 --> 00:14:10,276
Well, it can happen, you know.
198
00:14:10,276 --> 00:14:11,998
You never can tell.
199
00:14:11,998 --> 00:14:14,833
One moment you're here, the next... phut!
200
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,834
I think he's phutted already.
201
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:23,195
What've they got you in here for?
Something nasty?
202
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,238
No, not really. Just a pain in the back.
203
00:14:28,429 --> 00:14:30,636
Last bloke in that bed had the same thing.
204
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:31,994
Did he?
205
00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:33,559
Right up to the end.
206
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,996
Oh, that's cheering.
207
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,313
I'll say one thing for them - it's a nice warm bed.
208
00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:44,073
Should be.
They only took him out half an hour ago.
209
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,639
This must be where they keep the coal.
210
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,590
Oh... How do you do?
211
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:58,114
I didn't know you were still with us.
212
00:14:58,114 --> 00:14:59,838
Yes, well...
213
00:14:59,838 --> 00:15:01,876
don't let me keep you conscious.
214
00:15:01,876 --> 00:15:03,757
Is this your first?
215
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:05,869
Pardon?
216
00:15:05,869 --> 00:15:08,235
Is this your first?
217
00:15:08,235 --> 00:15:10,038
First? First what?
218
00:15:10,038 --> 00:15:11,314
Baby.
219
00:15:11,314 --> 00:15:12,753
Huh?
220
00:15:12,753 --> 00:15:14,831
It's the first time for me.
221
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,836
Never again, though.
222
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:20,831
Never aga...
223
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,236
Is he really going to have a?
224
00:15:34,236 --> 00:15:35,673
No, his wife is.
225
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:39,548
Trouble was, when she told him, he collapsed,
and he's been here ever since.
226
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,915
Don't let them tell you having one is easy.
227
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,916
I'm having a terrible time!
228
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:48,188
Terrib...
229
00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:50,111
He should be in the paternity ward.
230
00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:53,351
This is a madhouse!
231
00:15:53,351 --> 00:15:54,429
You'll get used to it.
232
00:15:54,429 --> 00:15:57,637
You're lucky Kilmore's looking after you.
He's all right, he is.
233
00:15:57,637 --> 00:16:00,393
Yeah, but wait till old Tinkle comes round. Cor!
234
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,435
Tinkle?
235
00:16:01,435 --> 00:16:04,398
He's the registrar. That means senior doctor.
236
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,311
And he's a first-class B.
237
00:16:06,311 --> 00:16:07,913
Knows his job, though.
238
00:16:07,913 --> 00:16:10,355
Yeah, so does the hangman.
239
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,915
Oh! Oh, I say, I'm terribly sorry, Matron.
240
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,075
That's another thermometer gone, Doctor.
241
00:16:23,075 --> 00:16:27,039
Never mind. You can still use it on people
who are a bit round the bend.
242
00:16:27,039 --> 00:16:29,953
This hospital just isn't big enough for both of us,
Dr Kilmore.
243
00:16:29,953 --> 00:16:31,393
Oh, now, come on.
244
00:16:31,393 --> 00:16:33,436
You're not all that big, Matron.
245
00:16:33,436 --> 00:16:36,432
Oh, yes, I see.
I hear you have a casualty for me.
246
00:16:36,432 --> 00:16:40,035
Yes. Nothing serious, of course,
or I wouldn't have sent for you.
247
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,914
- I have an idea she doesn't like me.
- She doesn't like anybody, the old...
248
00:16:44,914 --> 00:16:47,036
It's not as though I bumped into her on purpose.
249
00:16:47,036 --> 00:16:49,076
Anyone would think I made a habit of it.
250
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,313
- What's your trouble?
- Oh, I had my appendix out.
251
00:16:57,313 --> 00:17:00,119
Appendix? Well, what about your leg?
252
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,317
Oh, no, that happened
when I fell off the operating table!
253
00:17:03,317 --> 00:17:04,355
Oh.
254
00:17:04,355 --> 00:17:06,396
Cheers.
255
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,510
Did you wish to go somewhere, Mr Biddle?
256
00:17:17,510 --> 00:17:19,636
I did, but you frightened me out of it.
257
00:17:19,636 --> 00:17:23,952
I wish you'd speak to him, Doctor.
He will keep wandering around the corridors.
258
00:17:23,952 --> 00:17:27,350
I think it's a good thing for him
to get about as much as possible, Sister.
259
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:30,591
So long as he keeps well away
from other wards, of course.
260
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,516
Oh, don't worry. I will, doc.
261
00:17:33,516 --> 00:17:36,558
- Right. Where's this casualty?
- Over here, Doctor.
262
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,558
- Good evening. I'm Doctor Kilmore.
- And about time too,
263
00:17:40,558 --> 00:17:41,595
I may say.
264
00:17:41,595 --> 00:17:45,229
If this is the National Health Service,
take me back to the leeches.
265
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:47,356
Well, I'm sorry if I've kept you waiting, Mr...
266
00:17:47,356 --> 00:17:48,395
Bigger, Doctor.
267
00:17:48,395 --> 00:17:49,799
Mr Francis Bigger.
268
00:17:49,799 --> 00:17:51,950
Bigger? Francis Bigger?
269
00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:53,951
Wait a minute!
270
00:17:53,951 --> 00:17:55,393
That rings a bell.
271
00:17:55,393 --> 00:17:59,632
You must be that chap who goes round saying
that doctors and medicine are unnecessary.
272
00:17:59,632 --> 00:18:03,030
Well, I... I didn't exactly say that.
273
00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:06,237
You see, I deal with the mind.
274
00:18:06,237 --> 00:18:08,038
Of course, yes.
275
00:18:08,038 --> 00:18:11,829
You see, if one thinks
that nothing will happen to one,
276
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,273
nothing will.
277
00:18:13,273 --> 00:18:14,429
What went wrong?
278
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,510
Well, I must've stopped thinking for the moment.
279
00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:21,433
Well, let's have a look at you.
If you'll just turn over, please.
280
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,476
Well, I can't. I'm in agony.
281
00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:25,516
Help him, would you, Sister?
282
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,991
Oh, hang on a sec!
Back a bit. My thing's caught.
283
00:18:29,991 --> 00:18:32,036
- I beg your pardon?
- My stethoscope...
284
00:18:32,036 --> 00:18:33,075
Ouch!
285
00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:34,798
Hurts a bit, does it?
286
00:18:34,798 --> 00:18:36,916
Just a whimsy.
287
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,879
Mmm, yes, there's quite a bit of bruising there.
288
00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:43,916
You... You landed on your coccyx.
289
00:18:43,916 --> 00:18:45,956
I did not. I fell on my back.
290
00:18:45,956 --> 00:18:48,395
Your coccyx is at the base of the spine,
Mr Bigger.
291
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,438
Is it?
Well, it's the first time I've heard it called that.
292
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,553
Well, I don't think there's any fracture,
but we'll X-ray first thing tomorrow.
293
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,595
X-ray?!
294
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,159
Now, what could be wrong?
295
00:18:59,159 --> 00:19:01,549
It's just a precautionary measure, Mr Bigger.
296
00:19:01,549 --> 00:19:03,596
I bet you say that to all the girls.
297
00:19:03,596 --> 00:19:07,753
- Do you think you'll be able to sleep all right?
- Yes, of course. You've been a real comfort.
298
00:19:07,753 --> 00:19:10,798
I'll give you a local jab to kill the pain,
if you'll just turn over.
299
00:19:10,798 --> 00:19:14,919
Turn over, turn here, turn there!
I wish I'd never come here in the first place.
300
00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,638
Oh, get out of it!
301
00:19:16,638 --> 00:19:18,676
Thank you, Nurse.
302
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,676
Sorry, Sister.
303
00:19:21,676 --> 00:19:24,399
Fine. Now, this isn't going to hurt.
304
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,876
Argh!
305
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,275
Er, who...
306
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,952
Good morning.
307
00:19:52,952 --> 00:19:54,996
Oh, good morning.
308
00:19:54,996 --> 00:19:57,036
I'm afraid I must have overslept.
309
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,514
- What time is it?
- Six o'clock.
310
00:20:00,514 --> 00:20:02,556
Six o'clock.
311
00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:04,835
- In the morning?
- Yes, that's right.
312
00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:06,876
Did you have a good night?
313
00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:08,552
I'll let you know when it's over.
314
00:20:08,552 --> 00:20:11,313
Under the tongue. Mouth closed.
315
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,316
Nurse? Have you any news?
316
00:20:14,316 --> 00:20:17,472
No, I'm afraid your baby hasn't arrived yet,
Mr Barron.
317
00:20:17,472 --> 00:20:19,516
Oh, no. Well, it should have done.
318
00:20:19,516 --> 00:20:22,068
All night long I've been having the vapours.
319
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,076
Don't tell me.
320
00:20:25,076 --> 00:20:26,309
Wet and windy.
321
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:28,356
You're quite normal, Mr Bigger.
322
00:20:28,356 --> 00:20:30,795
Well, I shan't be if I stay here much longer.
323
00:20:30,795 --> 00:20:33,235
Is it all right if I finish my sleep now?
324
00:20:33,235 --> 00:20:35,276
- By all means.
- Thank you.
325
00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,316
Sleep's good for you.
326
00:20:43,395 --> 00:20:45,072
Tea up.
327
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:50,720
Tea.
328
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,952
Ugh! That's not what I would call it.
329
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,155
Oh!
330
00:21:06,155 --> 00:21:07,229
Washie time.
331
00:21:07,229 --> 00:21:09,709
Look, I don't want washie time!
332
00:21:09,709 --> 00:21:11,518
Stop!
333
00:21:11,518 --> 00:21:14,990
Oh, I wouldn't put that in my mouth if I were you.
It might explode.
334
00:21:14,990 --> 00:21:17,958
I hope not.
Matron doesn't approve of banging in the wards.
335
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,916
Right, Mr Roper...
336
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,916
Don't tell me it's gone up again.
337
00:21:34,916 --> 00:21:36,956
Oh, I'm afraid so.
338
00:21:37,995 --> 00:21:40,878
I don't understand it. I just don't understand it.
339
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,717
There, that's better, isn't it?
340
00:21:43,717 --> 00:21:46,473
Yes. I've been looking forward to that all night.
341
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,996
Good morning.
342
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:02,760
Cow!
343
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,435
I dreamt about you last night, Nurse.
344
00:22:07,435 --> 00:22:08,475
Did you?
345
00:22:08,475 --> 00:22:10,516
No, you wouldn't let me.
346
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,236
- Morning, Mr Smith.
- Ooh! Oh...
347
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,676
Try and use it, Mr Bigger.
348
00:22:34,676 --> 00:22:37,035
Thank you. It's just what I needed.
349
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,356
No, stop messing about!
350
00:22:57,356 --> 00:23:00,876
- I beg your pardon?
- We must do this again sometime.
351
00:23:00,876 --> 00:23:03,190
I must congratulate you, Hardcastle.
352
00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:05,236
You did a beautiful job.
353
00:23:05,236 --> 00:23:07,276
The chap might even live.
354
00:23:07,276 --> 00:23:10,432
Providing you took the right one out, of course!
355
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,357
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Dr Tinkle.
356
00:23:14,357 --> 00:23:17,159
And thank you
for doing the sewing up for me, and...
357
00:23:17,159 --> 00:23:19,196
It's quite a neat job, that.
358
00:23:19,196 --> 00:23:22,955
Yes, it was, wasn't it?
lused a running chain stitch, you know.
359
00:23:22,955 --> 00:23:23,836
Really?
360
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:26,992
- Mm. Much more decorative.
- Is that so, yeah?
361
00:23:26,992 --> 00:23:30,914
I don't know... I just don't seem
to be able to handle a needle myself.
362
00:23:30,914 --> 00:23:32,956
I don't know why.
363
00:23:32,956 --> 00:23:36,032
- Er, allow me.
- Oh, that's very kind of you.
364
00:23:36,032 --> 00:23:39,351
Thank you very much. Right.
Well, I'll be getting changed now, then.
365
00:23:39,351 --> 00:23:42,477
Yes, get the old butcher's apron off, eh?
366
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,111
- Oh, good morning, Dr Tinkle.
- Good morning, Matron. How are you?
367
00:23:48,111 --> 00:23:50,839
- Very well, thank you. And you?
- Fine, fine.
368
00:23:50,839 --> 00:23:52,876
But don't let's talk shop, eh?
369
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,156
Anything interesting come in during the night?
370
00:23:56,156 --> 00:23:57,878
Only a man with an injured back.
371
00:23:57,878 --> 00:24:00,679
As you weren't here,
I'm afraid Dr Kilmore had to treat him.
372
00:24:00,679 --> 00:24:03,718
Never mind, never mind.
We may be able to save the poor chap yet.
373
00:24:03,718 --> 00:24:06,598
I'll see him on my rounds,
after I've cleaned up a bit.
374
00:24:06,598 --> 00:24:10,116
I didn't know
you were assisting Mr Hardcastle this morning.
375
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:11,758
You know how it is, Matron.
376
00:24:11,758 --> 00:24:15,674
These surgeons are all right for a quick slash
and a fast grope round,
377
00:24:15,674 --> 00:24:19,116
but when it comes to cleaning up the mess,
it's a doctor that's needed.
378
00:24:19,116 --> 00:24:21,156
Oh, how right you are, Doctor.
379
00:24:21,156 --> 00:24:23,879
What a wonderful man you are.
380
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,916
Oh, how I love you!
381
00:24:25,916 --> 00:24:28,275
Oh, how I love you.
382
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,276
Well, I'll be off now.
383
00:24:31,276 --> 00:24:33,590
Have you the right time, Doctor, please?
384
00:24:33,590 --> 00:24:35,636
Yes, of course. It's um...
385
00:24:35,636 --> 00:24:38,109
- Where's my watch?
- You must've taken it off.
386
00:24:38,109 --> 00:24:42,557
No, no. I distinctly remember having it on
when I started to sew that fellow...
387
00:24:42,557 --> 00:24:44,596
Oh, no!
388
00:24:44,596 --> 00:24:46,636
And it was an alarm, too.
389
00:24:46,636 --> 00:24:48,472
All right, Sister.
390
00:24:48,472 --> 00:24:49,993
Wheel him back.
391
00:24:49,993 --> 00:24:51,308
Morning, all.
392
00:24:51,308 --> 00:24:52,355
Morning, doc.
393
00:24:52,355 --> 00:24:54,396
Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?
394
00:24:54,396 --> 00:24:56,436
She's having a baby in the spring.
395
00:24:56,436 --> 00:24:59,159
Hello. What happened to old Mind-Over-Matter?
396
00:24:59,159 --> 00:25:00,593
Oh, Mr Bigger, you mean?
397
00:25:00,593 --> 00:25:03,877
He wanted to be moved to a private room.
It was too noisy for him in here.
398
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,916
Couldn't hear himself think, eh?
399
00:25:05,916 --> 00:25:08,514
Hello, Ken. Nurse tells me
you want to have a word with me.
400
00:25:08,514 --> 00:25:11,637
Yeah, that's right, doc.
But alone, if you don't mind.
401
00:25:11,637 --> 00:25:14,154
Oh, pardon me. Have you done with the bottle?
402
00:25:14,154 --> 00:25:17,516
Yeah, you take it.
You'll get fourpence back on it, maybe!
403
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,595
What's the problem?
404
00:25:19,595 --> 00:25:23,036
Well, it's like this... Do you have anything
to do with the women in here?
405
00:25:23,036 --> 00:25:25,111
- Mind your own business.
- Eh?
406
00:25:25,111 --> 00:25:27,156
No, I mean in the women's wards.
407
00:25:27,156 --> 00:25:28,832
Oh. Oh, I see. Oh, no, no.
408
00:25:28,832 --> 00:25:31,434
I always get the uninteresting jobs
around here. Why?
409
00:25:31,434 --> 00:25:35,638
Well, I was just wondering
if you could slip a little note to one of them.
410
00:25:35,638 --> 00:25:38,280
Mr Biddle,
you're asking me to break hospital rules,
411
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,033
"Staff will not allow, nor encourage,
412
00:25:41,033 --> 00:25:44,078
fraternisation
between male and female patients."
413
00:25:44,078 --> 00:25:47,197
I don't want to get fraternal with her, doc.
Far from it.
414
00:25:47,197 --> 00:25:48,599
All right. Give it to me, then.
415
00:25:48,599 --> 00:25:51,752
Thanks, doc.
She's in the ward at the end of the corridor.
416
00:25:51,752 --> 00:25:54,513
- Third bed on the left.
- Third bed on the left...
417
00:25:54,513 --> 00:25:56,238
- Right.
- No, left.
418
00:25:56,238 --> 00:25:57,275
Right.
419
00:25:57,275 --> 00:25:58,315
Eh?
420
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,756
But why do I have to be moved, Matron?
421
00:26:04,756 --> 00:26:08,389
lunderstand from Sister one of the male
patients has been bothering you,
422
00:26:08,389 --> 00:26:09,754
peering through the door.
423
00:26:09,754 --> 00:26:11,990
But that doesn't bother me, Matron, really.
424
00:26:11,990 --> 00:26:14,753
It bothers me. This is a hospital, not a fish tank.
425
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,510
Well, well, and how are we this morning?
426
00:26:28,510 --> 00:26:30,556
Excuse me a minute.
427
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,753
That's better.
428
00:26:38,753 --> 00:26:40,159
Yes, it is.
429
00:26:40,159 --> 00:26:41,673
Did you want to examine me, Doctor?
430
00:26:41,673 --> 00:26:43,716
Oh, oh, no, no. No, no!
431
00:26:43,716 --> 00:26:46,439
No, no, I just brought a note in for you.
432
00:26:46,439 --> 00:26:48,272
Anote? For me?
433
00:26:48,272 --> 00:26:51,636
Oh, I say! Fancy someone sending me a note!
434
00:26:51,636 --> 00:26:52,789
Yes, fancy.
435
00:26:52,789 --> 00:26:54,836
Ooh, yes!
436
00:26:54,836 --> 00:26:56,512
That's a very good one.
437
00:26:56,512 --> 00:26:58,192
Wouldn't you agree, Matron?
438
00:26:58,192 --> 00:27:01,158
I've seldom seen a better appendectomy scar,
Doctor.
439
00:27:01,158 --> 00:27:03,390
There's only one thing I don't get, Doctor.
440
00:27:03,390 --> 00:27:06,358
Why've I got two other scars -
one here, and one here?
441
00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:09,113
My dear man,
an appendix is smaller than a golf ball.
442
00:27:09,113 --> 00:27:11,839
And you know
how difficult they are to find sometimes.
443
00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:14,514
- Oh, I see.
- Yes, the stitches can come out today.
444
00:27:14,514 --> 00:27:17,068
- How long's that cast been on?
- Eight days, Doctor.
445
00:27:17,068 --> 00:27:20,357
Then, Mr Biddle, in that case,
I think it's high time you had it off.
446
00:27:20,357 --> 00:27:22,908
I've been lying here thinking the same thing.
447
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,916
Well, Mr Smith, how is it today?
448
00:27:27,916 --> 00:27:29,558
Ah! Still very sore, Doctor.
449
00:27:29,558 --> 00:27:31,949
Your own fault.
Should've had it done years ago.
450
00:27:31,949 --> 00:27:32,995
Oh!
451
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:41,076
- Hello.
- Hello.
452
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:50,949
Oh!
453
00:27:50,949 --> 00:27:53,600
Oh, I thought you might be a man coming in.
454
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,636
Sorry to disappoint you.
455
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,036
I'm Nurse Clarke.
456
00:27:59,036 --> 00:28:00,394
This is my room.
457
00:28:00,394 --> 00:28:03,916
Oh, yes. I've just arrived,
and they told me I was to share with you.
458
00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:05,956
I'm Sandra. Sandra May.
459
00:28:05,956 --> 00:28:07,996
Glad to have you, Sandra.
460
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:10,753
Are you a trainee?
461
00:28:10,753 --> 00:28:15,516
That's right.
I was told to report to Fosdick Ward right away.
462
00:28:15,516 --> 00:28:17,989
Say, will Doctor Tinkle be there?
463
00:28:17,989 --> 00:28:19,718
Probably. Why, do you know him?
464
00:28:19,718 --> 00:28:21,756
Know him!
465
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:23,994
Just look.
466
00:28:23,994 --> 00:28:26,878
"To darling Sandra, my first case."
467
00:28:26,878 --> 00:28:28,518
That's me.
468
00:28:28,518 --> 00:28:29,794
How nice.
469
00:28:29,794 --> 00:28:32,792
He saved my life. He's terrific.
470
00:28:32,792 --> 00:28:34,836
He's a life-giving doll.
471
00:28:34,836 --> 00:28:38,629
Temperature 106?! Have you been reading
Playboy magazine again?
472
00:28:38,629 --> 00:28:40,676
What are you talking about?
I'm a sick man.
473
00:28:40,676 --> 00:28:43,991
You've been here ten weeks,
and I can find nothing wrong with you.
474
00:28:43,991 --> 00:28:46,913
- Can I help it if you don't know your job?
- That's ridiculous.
475
00:28:46,913 --> 00:28:48,956
With a temperature of 106, you're dead.
476
00:28:48,956 --> 00:28:50,996
Well, don't just stand there - bury me.
477
00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:53,071
It's certainly a very puzzling case, Doctor.
478
00:28:53,071 --> 00:28:56,118
It's an enigma.
That's what it is, Matron. An enigma.
479
00:28:56,118 --> 00:28:58,156
I am not having another one of those!
480
00:28:58,156 --> 00:29:00,708
I'm determined
to either kill this or cure it, Matron.
481
00:29:00,708 --> 00:29:03,155
I want a blood pressure test, a barium test,
482
00:29:03,155 --> 00:29:05,196
a brain electrolysis,
483
00:29:05,196 --> 00:29:09,432
chest and stomach X-rays,
saliva, blood and urine analyses.
484
00:29:09,432 --> 00:29:10,475
What was all that?
485
00:29:10,475 --> 00:29:13,199
And while you're about it, syringe his ears out.
486
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,670
- Is nobody in that bed?
- That was Mr Bigger.
487
00:29:18,670 --> 00:29:21,911
- Oh, yes. I'd better see him next.
- He's in X-ray at the moment, Doctor.
488
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,436
Thank you.
489
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,276
Right, Nurse, undo his gown, please.
490
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:51,915
Right. Smile, please.
491
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:52,635
Smile?
492
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,268
What with?
493
00:29:55,268 --> 00:29:57,396
I'm terribly sorry. Force of habit.
494
00:29:57,396 --> 00:29:59,630
lused to be a top portrait photographer.
495
00:29:59,630 --> 00:30:03,349
Did you? Well, you've reached the bottom now,
haven't you?
496
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,077
All right, here we go, then.
497
00:30:08,077 --> 00:30:09,479
Let's see those dimples.
498
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,758
Argh!
499
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,956
Oh, dear. There goes another tube.
500
00:30:25,874 --> 00:30:28,110
What about that, then!
501
00:30:28,110 --> 00:30:30,031
What?
502
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:37,515
Phwoar!
503
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,635
Argh!
504
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:51,470
Oh!
505
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,118
Mr Bigger! What are you doing down there?
506
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,197
Waiting for a No.7 bus.
507
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:06,992
Not now.
508
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,719
Cor!
509
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,876
I'm Nurse May. I was told to report here, Sister.
510
00:31:15,876 --> 00:31:17,757
- I'll be with you in a moment.
- Hi.
511
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,356
Oh, dear, dear!
512
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,276
Oh, no you don't.
513
00:31:32,276 --> 00:31:34,316
Oh, I saw that film.
514
00:31:34,316 --> 00:31:36,356
I thought you'd like to smell it.
515
00:31:36,356 --> 00:31:37,839
Mmm, lovely.
516
00:31:37,839 --> 00:31:39,433
Yes, well, that's different.
517
00:31:39,433 --> 00:31:42,114
They stuff you full of everything here.
518
00:31:42,114 --> 00:31:45,829
A lady brought them for you.
Would you like to see her for a few minutes?
519
00:31:45,829 --> 00:31:49,276
- Oh, all right, I might as well.
- Come on, then, up you sit.
520
00:31:49,276 --> 00:31:50,952
Oh, dear!
521
00:31:50,952 --> 00:31:52,996
Argh!
522
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,231
You can come in now, Miss Gibson.
523
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,633
Oh, hello, dear. Nice of you to come.
524
00:32:02,633 --> 00:32:04,676
Nice of you to come.
525
00:32:04,676 --> 00:32:06,318
Well, sit down.
526
00:32:06,318 --> 00:32:08,152
Sit down!
527
00:32:08,152 --> 00:32:10,674
I... I thought I'd just pop in to cheer you up.
528
00:32:10,674 --> 00:32:12,910
Yes, it was a nice thought, dear.
529
00:32:12,910 --> 00:32:14,956
Nice thought!
530
00:32:14,956 --> 00:32:15,956
Yes.
531
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,435
- Oh, Mr Bigger!
- Oh, blimey!
532
00:32:19,435 --> 00:32:22,318
It's all right, dear. All right!
533
00:32:22,318 --> 00:32:24,595
Oh, Mr Bigger!
534
00:32:24,595 --> 00:32:26,591
Oh, that's all I need!
535
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,399
- This is Mr Bigger, Doctor.
- Oh, how do you do?
536
00:32:32,399 --> 00:32:35,631
How do you do, Mr Bigger?
I'm Doctor Tinkle, the senior physician.
537
00:32:35,631 --> 00:32:40,510
Well, I'm glad you've come, Doctor,
cos I am in agony, what with my back and her.
538
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:46,318
Oh, shut up!
539
00:32:46,318 --> 00:32:49,437
Well, I'll examine you,
and we'll soon find out what's wrong.
540
00:32:49,437 --> 00:32:52,273
Would you mind waiting outside, please?
541
00:32:52,273 --> 00:32:54,476
I'm afraid she's a bit mutt, Doctor.
542
00:32:54,476 --> 00:32:56,516
Yes, well, I'm afraid she'll have to go.
543
00:32:56,516 --> 00:32:59,034
I've been saying that for years. Chloe?
544
00:32:59,034 --> 00:33:01,031
You'll have to wait outside, dear.
545
00:33:01,031 --> 00:33:02,633
Outside!
546
00:33:02,633 --> 00:33:04,950
- Wait!
- This way.
547
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,790
I'll see if Mr Bigger's X-ray is ready, Doctor.
548
00:33:08,790 --> 00:33:10,836
Thank you, Matron. Please, turn over.
549
00:33:10,836 --> 00:33:14,799
Oh, dear. Much more of this,
I shall have the best-known backside in town.
550
00:33:14,799 --> 00:33:18,429
Oh, a slight bruising, certainly, yes.
No bleeding. Good.
551
00:33:18,429 --> 00:33:20,476
Just like the service round here.
552
00:33:20,476 --> 00:33:22,152
- Arrgh!
- Did that hurt?
553
00:33:22,152 --> 00:33:23,719
- Of course it did!
- Good.
554
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,839
Here is the X-ray of the posterior area, Doctor.
555
00:33:28,839 --> 00:33:30,876
It's a bit fuzzy, I'm afraid.
556
00:33:30,876 --> 00:33:34,316
So would yours be,
if a contrivance had exploded all over it.
557
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,111
No spinal damage.
Slight curvature, perhaps.
558
00:33:42,111 --> 00:33:43,758
Mr Bigger,
559
00:33:43,758 --> 00:33:45,796
did you have any weaknesses as a boy?
560
00:33:45,796 --> 00:33:47,108
Pardon?
561
00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:49,156
Did you have any weaknesses as a boy?
562
00:33:49,156 --> 00:33:51,196
Er, well...
563
00:33:51,196 --> 00:33:53,236
- Do I have to answer that?
- Certainly.
564
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,396
Well...
565
00:33:56,396 --> 00:33:59,233
lused to like pinching little girls' yo-yos.
566
00:33:59,233 --> 00:34:01,311
With your back, I meant!
567
00:34:01,311 --> 00:34:03,231
Oh, ah...
568
00:34:03,231 --> 00:34:04,275
Why?
569
00:34:04,275 --> 00:34:06,510
You've a slight curvature, that's all.
570
00:34:06,510 --> 00:34:08,431
That's all?!
571
00:34:08,431 --> 00:34:10,988
Far too late to do anything about it, I'm afraid.
572
00:34:10,988 --> 00:34:13,469
What do you mean, too late?
573
00:34:13,469 --> 00:34:16,950
What I say. It's past treatment.
It's a waste of time your being here.
574
00:34:16,950 --> 00:34:19,190
- You might as well go home.
- Go home?!
575
00:34:19,190 --> 00:34:21,350
With my poor back?
576
00:34:21,350 --> 00:34:24,477
There's nothing we can do about it,
Mr Bigger, nothing at all.
577
00:34:24,477 --> 00:34:25,515
What does he mean,
578
00:34:25,515 --> 00:34:27,113
nothing you can do?
579
00:34:27,113 --> 00:34:29,156
Just what he says, Mr Bigger.
580
00:34:29,156 --> 00:34:32,789
Dr Tinkle is a brilliant physician,
and if he says nothing can be done,
581
00:34:32,789 --> 00:34:34,836
you can be sure he is right.
582
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:41,752
But there must be something!
583
00:34:41,752 --> 00:34:44,593
We can't waste valuable hospital time and space
584
00:34:44,593 --> 00:34:48,195
accommodating idiots
with simple bruises on their simple backsides.
585
00:34:48,195 --> 00:34:49,474
I quite agree, Doctor.
586
00:34:49,474 --> 00:34:52,552
Excuse me, Doctor,
but is Mr Bigger going to be all right?
587
00:34:52,552 --> 00:34:54,596
Are you his next of kin?
588
00:34:54,596 --> 00:34:55,795
I beg your pardon?
589
00:34:55,795 --> 00:34:58,440
Are you his next of kin?
590
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,239
Oh, no, not yet, but any day now.
591
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,276
What do you mean, any day now?
592
00:35:03,276 --> 00:35:07,035
Well, we've had a sort of understanding
for the past 11 years,
593
00:35:07,035 --> 00:35:09,076
so I'm kind of on the verge,
594
00:35:09,076 --> 00:35:11,116
if you know what I mean.
595
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:16,239
If there's anything wrong with me,
I've got a right to know.
596
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:20,677
Oh, well, I really am most glad
to know that everything's going to be all right,
597
00:35:20,677 --> 00:35:23,832
but it would be nice
if he could stay here for a few weeks.
598
00:35:23,832 --> 00:35:26,275
I'm sorry, madam, we need the beds.
599
00:35:26,275 --> 00:35:28,555
Oh, yes, well, of course, I quite understand,
600
00:35:28,555 --> 00:35:30,756
but poor Mr Bigger has been working so hard.
601
00:35:30,756 --> 00:35:33,195
He needs a good rest, you know, the poor man.
602
00:35:33,195 --> 00:35:36,192
And I mean,
it isn't as if he wouldn't be paying for it.
603
00:35:36,192 --> 00:35:38,236
All right, then. All right, all right.
604
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:45,793
But I warn you, Miss Gibson,
I can only give him a week at the most.
605
00:35:45,793 --> 00:35:47,029
Only a week?
606
00:35:47,029 --> 00:35:49,873
I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid that's the way it is.
607
00:35:57,592 --> 00:35:58,999
A week!
608
00:35:58,999 --> 00:36:01,036
A week at the most!
609
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:02,830
Oh!
610
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,792
Oh...
611
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:11,311
Of course, the trouble nowadays, Matron,
is we're breeding a race of weaklings.
612
00:36:11,311 --> 00:36:15,154
Neurotic idiots
with no emotional stamina or physical stability.
613
00:36:15,154 --> 00:36:18,596
Though, fortunately,
there are one or two of us left that can still...
614
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:21,953
That girl!
615
00:36:21,953 --> 00:36:24,873
- What's she doing here?
- Which girl?
616
00:36:24,873 --> 00:36:27,599
The nurse in the sluice room!
617
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,279
- There's no-one in the sluice room, Doctor.
- No...
618
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,436
Are you all right, Doctor?
619
00:36:36,436 --> 00:36:39,034
Am I all right? Of course I'm all right.
620
00:36:39,034 --> 00:36:43,033
All right? Yes.
Why shouldn't... Why shouldn't I be... all right?
621
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,838
Yes, I'm fine!
622
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,112
Doctor? Doctor!
623
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,313
Yes! Yes!
624
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,116
Crikey, what have I done?
625
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,436
Here comes the poor bleedin' visitors.
626
00:37:38,436 --> 00:37:41,432
Yep. I don't know who to feel more sorry for.
627
00:37:41,432 --> 00:37:43,715
Them or the poor muckers they're visiting.
628
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,030
- Wotcher, Ken.
- Hello, Fred, mate.
629
00:37:55,030 --> 00:37:58,351
- How's it going, then?
- Oh, not so bad. I got the old plaster off.
630
00:37:58,351 --> 00:38:00,396
Oh, good, good. That's marvellous.
631
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:02,395
Well...
632
00:38:02,395 --> 00:38:04,436
Well...
633
00:38:04,436 --> 00:38:07,557
Well, so you're... going on all right, then, eh?
634
00:38:07,557 --> 00:38:09,039
Good, good. That's good.
635
00:38:15,838 --> 00:38:17,876
Well, here I am again, dear.
636
00:38:17,876 --> 00:38:19,916
How are you feeling this evening?
637
00:38:19,916 --> 00:38:21,956
Not too good, Mildred.
638
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,956
I can't seem to keep anything down.
639
00:38:24,956 --> 00:38:27,634
Oh, dear, what a shame.
640
00:38:27,634 --> 00:38:31,030
Well, never mind, dear. Won't be long now.
641
00:38:31,030 --> 00:38:33,076
I hope not.
642
00:38:33,076 --> 00:38:37,631
Oh, Mildred,
I will be all right after baby comes, won't I?
643
00:38:37,631 --> 00:38:40,234
Oh, course you will, my dear.
644
00:38:40,234 --> 00:38:44,029
Here, look.
I brought you a nice bottle of eau de Cologne.
645
00:38:44,029 --> 00:38:47,795
Now, would you like me
to rub some of that on your forehead?
646
00:38:47,795 --> 00:38:49,438
Thank you, dear.
647
00:38:49,438 --> 00:38:51,078
It might hurry it up.
648
00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:53,594
Well... So, you're going on all right, then, eh?
649
00:38:53,594 --> 00:38:55,636
Good. Good.
650
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,716
Well, I mustn't overstay my welcome.
651
00:38:58,716 --> 00:39:01,360
No, don't go.
I want you to do something for me.
652
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:02,998
Anything, Ken, mate. You know that.
653
00:39:02,998 --> 00:39:05,878
Look, there's a bird in the women's ward,
down the corridor.
654
00:39:05,878 --> 00:39:08,190
Oh, ho, you are feeling better, aren't you?
655
00:39:08,190 --> 00:39:11,317
Never mind that.
She was in the third bed on the left,
656
00:39:11,317 --> 00:39:13,755
but they've moved her,
and I want to know where.
657
00:39:13,755 --> 00:39:15,796
Leave it to me. What does she look like?
658
00:39:15,796 --> 00:39:18,235
Well, she's got close-cropped brown hair,
659
00:39:18,235 --> 00:39:21,198
- hazel eyes...
- A fair complexion...
660
00:39:21,198 --> 00:39:23,032
- Very fair.
- It's as good as done.
661
00:39:23,032 --> 00:39:26,192
You know me.
The old expert in cherchez la femme.
662
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:32,595
Hello, love.
663
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,352
- You're late.
- I stopped to get you some lovely, nice grapes.
664
00:39:38,352 --> 00:39:40,396
Argh!
665
00:39:40,396 --> 00:39:42,948
Blimey, not again! I don't like grapes.
666
00:39:42,948 --> 00:39:46,635
Oh, go on. You know they're good for you.
How's it feel?
667
00:39:46,635 --> 00:39:48,676
Rotten. It's as sore as hell.
668
00:39:48,676 --> 00:39:51,718
You should never have
made me had it done. Not at my age.
669
00:39:51,718 --> 00:39:55,509
Well, you couldn't go on walking about like that,
with a great, big lump,
670
00:39:55,509 --> 00:39:57,955
getting bigger and bigger all the time.
671
00:39:57,955 --> 00:39:59,792
It's... It's not nice.
672
00:39:59,792 --> 00:40:02,348
Besides,
it was starting to show through your clothes.
673
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,909
I found her, right down the end, on the right.
674
00:40:09,909 --> 00:40:12,753
And a bit of all right, too.
Do you want me to give her a message?
675
00:40:12,753 --> 00:40:14,717
No, I want to talk to her myself.
676
00:40:14,717 --> 00:40:17,268
That should be easy.
Get them to move you to the next bed.
677
00:40:17,268 --> 00:40:19,316
Oh, highly comical.
678
00:40:19,316 --> 00:40:20,958
If I could just get...
679
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,194
Here...
680
00:40:23,194 --> 00:40:26,317
- Did she have any visitors?
- Not when I looked in, no.
681
00:40:26,317 --> 00:40:29,358
I got an idea.
Pull them curtains across quick, Fred.
682
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,876
Well, how long are you going to be here,
that's what I want to know.
683
00:40:33,876 --> 00:40:37,316
I told you, I don't know!
They can't find out what's wrong with me.
684
00:40:37,316 --> 00:40:40,358
I could tell 'em.
You're bone lazy, that's what's wrong with you.
685
00:40:40,358 --> 00:40:44,069
Why do you have to keep on and on and on?
You're supposed to come here to cheer me up.
686
00:40:44,069 --> 00:40:46,390
Cheer you up?
What do you need cheering up about?
687
00:40:46,390 --> 00:40:49,552
Lying here, being waited on hand and foot,
all your meals brought...
688
00:40:49,552 --> 00:40:51,596
Don't even have to walk to the lav.
689
00:40:51,596 --> 00:40:54,592
Will you get it into your thick head,
I'm all run down.
690
00:40:54,592 --> 00:40:56,591
I've been working too hard.
691
00:40:56,591 --> 00:41:00,195
That's a laugh. You haven't
done a stroke of work for three years.
692
00:41:00,195 --> 00:41:04,159
Go on, chuck it up in my face.
Is it my fault the labour couldn't find me a job?
693
00:41:04,159 --> 00:41:07,471
Yes, when you put yourself down
as a hansom cab lamp fitter.
694
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,516
Can I help it if I'm a craftsman?
695
00:41:10,516 --> 00:41:12,352
Oh, it's always all right for you.
696
00:41:12,352 --> 00:41:15,273
What about me and the kids?
You never give a thought to us.
697
00:41:15,273 --> 00:41:17,715
Oh, no, we could all starve, for all you care.
698
00:41:17,715 --> 00:41:22,351
How you expect me to cope on the money
you bring home from the dole, I'll never know.
699
00:41:22,351 --> 00:41:25,671
What with the kids to clothe and feed,
and the rent going up...
700
00:41:25,671 --> 00:41:28,832
I just don't know
how I manage to make ends meet.
701
00:41:28,832 --> 00:41:31,354
I've hardly been able
to go up the bingo this week.
702
00:41:31,354 --> 00:41:32,919
Only three times, that's all.
703
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,673
Oh, Nurse, it is all right for me to visit Mr Bigger?
704
00:41:40,673 --> 00:41:42,716
Oh, certainly. Go right on in.
705
00:41:42,716 --> 00:41:45,189
Oh, would you like me
to put those in a vase for you?
706
00:41:45,189 --> 00:41:46,759
Oh, yes, thank you so much.
707
00:41:46,759 --> 00:41:50,515
Mr Bigger's very fond of fresh flowers,
especially chrysanthemums.
708
00:41:50,515 --> 00:41:53,034
He's never without a pot by his bed.
709
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,152
- Hello!
- Hello, there.
710
00:42:39,152 --> 00:42:40,434
Have you been discharged?
711
00:42:40,434 --> 00:42:43,273
No, but I had to get to talk to you somehow,
didn't I?
712
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:48,598
Don't worry. If anybody comes,
just tell them I'm your husband or something.
713
00:42:48,598 --> 00:42:50,193
I haven't got a husband.
714
00:42:50,193 --> 00:42:51,508
Neither have I.
715
00:42:51,508 --> 00:42:53,556
A wife, I mean.
716
00:42:53,556 --> 00:42:56,029
Oh, I brought these for you.
717
00:42:56,029 --> 00:42:58,076
Oh, thank you.
718
00:42:58,076 --> 00:43:00,116
Oh, they're lovely.
719
00:43:00,116 --> 00:43:02,156
Not bad.
720
00:43:02,156 --> 00:43:04,595
They're the best I could knock off, anyway.
721
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,949
My name's Ken, by the way. Ken Biddle.
722
00:43:07,949 --> 00:43:09,996
Mine's Mavis.
723
00:43:09,996 --> 00:43:12,833
Don't laugh. Mavis Winkle.
724
00:43:12,833 --> 00:43:14,876
I should've brought a pin.
725
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,516
Do you like it here?
726
00:43:18,516 --> 00:43:20,556
Well, it's very nice, really.
727
00:43:20,556 --> 00:43:22,596
Yeah, it's not too bad, I suppose.
728
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,796
Do you come here often?
729
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,156
Wait a minute.
730
00:43:29,156 --> 00:43:31,390
Dear Chloe, poor old soul.
731
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,991
Chloe, you've served me
very faithfully for many years,
732
00:43:35,991 --> 00:43:38,036
and I haven't treated you very well, have I?
733
00:43:38,036 --> 00:43:40,156
Now, you mustn't say that, Mr Bigger.
734
00:43:40,156 --> 00:43:42,196
I told you right at the start,
735
00:43:42,196 --> 00:43:45,033
I... I would not accept a salary.
736
00:43:45,033 --> 00:43:47,714
I know, but I could have offered you one,
couldn't I?
737
00:43:47,714 --> 00:43:50,234
I'll... I'll come back tomorrow.
738
00:43:50,234 --> 00:43:50,954
Chloe,
739
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:57,036
I am going to make it up to you somehow,
if it's the last thing I do.
740
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,036
Oh, Mr Bigger!
741
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:01,800
Chloe,
742
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,076
would you give me a kiss?
743
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,076
Why, Mr Bigger, you...
744
00:44:08,076 --> 00:44:11,630
You've never asked me
to do anything like that before.
745
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:18,914
- Mr Biddle?
- No.
746
00:44:18,914 --> 00:44:21,753
- I mean, yes.
- Sister says you've got to have this.
747
00:44:21,753 --> 00:44:23,796
- Oh. What is it?
- Castor oil.
748
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:30,196
All of it, Mr Biddle.
749
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,796
There's a good boy.
750
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:43,436
Enjoying yourself?
751
00:44:43,436 --> 00:44:46,830
Sounds like it. I thought you'd had an accident.
752
00:44:46,830 --> 00:44:49,036
What with her staying out half the night,
753
00:44:49,036 --> 00:44:51,714
then coming home smelling of drink
and I don't know what.
754
00:44:51,714 --> 00:44:53,597
Not that you care. Oh, no.
755
00:44:53,597 --> 00:44:56,478
Let the kids go to pot,
just so long as you get your beer.
756
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,476
Well, time's up.
757
00:45:00,476 --> 00:45:03,597
I'd better get,
before Sister starts buzzing around.
758
00:45:03,597 --> 00:45:07,639
Will you be able to come again?
I... I don't have anybody to visit me.
759
00:45:07,639 --> 00:45:09,790
Just try and stop me.
760
00:45:09,790 --> 00:45:11,836
Look after yourself.
761
00:45:11,836 --> 00:45:14,434
And you. Bye.
762
00:45:14,434 --> 00:45:15,919
Bye.
763
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,031
Why, Mr Biddle!
764
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:38,510
All visitors out, please. Come along.
765
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:48,593
Come on, Fred! Quick, out.
766
00:45:50,113 --> 00:45:53,590
...overflowed again,
and come right through the sitting room ceiling.
767
00:45:53,590 --> 00:45:56,672
The number of times I begged you
to do something about that flush...
768
00:45:57,715 --> 00:45:58,949
Oh, no.
769
00:45:58,949 --> 00:46:01,508
The house could fall down,
you wouldn't even notice it.
770
00:46:01,508 --> 00:46:03,830
- That's it, time's up.
- What, already?
771
00:46:03,830 --> 00:46:05,876
I've hardly had time to tell you a thing.
772
00:46:05,876 --> 00:46:08,918
That's all right, it'll keep.
You'll be back tomorrow, I suppose.
773
00:46:08,918 --> 00:46:11,878
Oh, no, I can't. Not tomorrow.
I'm going to the dogs.
774
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,319
You can say that again.
775
00:46:14,319 --> 00:46:16,072
Oh, well, I better be off, then.
776
00:46:16,072 --> 00:46:17,115
Ah...
777
00:46:17,115 --> 00:46:20,909
Here, we seem to have got through
them grapes pretty quick, didn't we?
778
00:46:20,909 --> 00:46:24,151
- We did.
- Never mind. I'll bring you some more tomorrow.
779
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,796
Is it time, Sister?
780
00:46:35,796 --> 00:46:37,836
Yes, I'm afraid it is.
781
00:46:37,836 --> 00:46:39,876
Oh, too bad.
782
00:46:39,876 --> 00:46:41,916
Looks like you'll have to go, Fred.
783
00:46:41,916 --> 00:46:43,956
You're not kidding.
784
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,918
Good evening.
785
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:56,956
Oh, hi.
786
00:46:56,956 --> 00:46:58,996
Oh, what a lovely-looking pear.
787
00:46:58,996 --> 00:47:01,230
You took the words right out of my mouth.
788
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:13,510
Oh!
789
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,553
Oh! Oh, I'm most terribly sorry.
790
00:47:17,553 --> 00:47:20,518
Oh, well, that's quite all right.
It was my... my fault.
791
00:47:20,518 --> 00:47:22,955
No, I just wasn't looking where I was going.
792
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,353
Is something the matter?
793
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:30,918
I was looking for Doctor Tinkle's room.
794
00:47:30,918 --> 00:47:34,231
Oh... Oh, that's staff rooms.
That's the second floor up.
795
00:47:34,231 --> 00:47:38,029
You turn left as you come out of the lift,
and it's the second door on... on the left.
796
00:47:38,029 --> 00:47:39,838
Oh, thanks.
797
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:42,836
You're so sweet.
798
00:47:42,836 --> 00:47:44,876
Yes, I am.
799
00:47:44,876 --> 00:47:47,394
Oh, no, no, wait a minute!
You're not allowed up there!
800
00:47:47,394 --> 00:47:51,837
No, hospital regulations.
"Female staff must not enter male staff's rooms."
801
00:47:51,837 --> 00:47:53,876
Oh, Lord!
802
00:48:08,155 --> 00:48:09,753
What is it?
803
00:48:09,753 --> 00:48:10,795
Argh!
804
00:48:10,795 --> 00:48:13,235
Oh! Oh, Kenneth, darling, are you all right?
805
00:48:13,235 --> 00:48:14,275
Yes.
806
00:48:14,275 --> 00:48:16,635
You! Then it was you in the sluice room!
807
00:48:16,635 --> 00:48:19,632
I was hoping it was hallucinations.
808
00:48:19,632 --> 00:48:22,188
- Lucy who?
- Lucy Nation. You remember her? The girl...
809
00:48:22,188 --> 00:48:26,319
What am I talking about, and what are you
doing here? You must get out at once!
810
00:48:26,319 --> 00:48:27,753
But I only just got here.
811
00:48:27,753 --> 00:48:30,957
Yes, but you don't understand.
It's not safe. Somebody might come in.
812
00:48:30,957 --> 00:48:34,032
Oh, that's right, dear Kenneth.
813
00:48:34,032 --> 00:48:36,076
You always think of everything.
814
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,429
No, no, what are you doing? You can't stay here.
815
00:48:39,429 --> 00:48:42,159
But, Kenneth, darling, I came to repay my debt.
816
00:48:42,159 --> 00:48:43,719
You don't owe me anything.
817
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,714
Have you forgotten? You saved my life.
818
00:48:54,714 --> 00:48:57,598
All I did was treat you for tonsillitis.
It was nothing.
819
00:48:57,598 --> 00:49:01,992
You can't kid me. You came to visit me
in my room every night for months afterwards.
820
00:49:01,992 --> 00:49:06,153
That was merely professional courtesy.
You were in no danger.
821
00:49:06,153 --> 00:49:09,596
No? Then why did you
keep giving me the kiss of life?
822
00:49:09,596 --> 00:49:13,036
Well, even if I did, you don't owe me anything.
823
00:49:13,036 --> 00:49:15,634
Don't you understand?
Nowadays, you get it for nothing.
824
00:49:15,634 --> 00:49:17,278
You don't have to pay for it.
825
00:49:17,278 --> 00:49:20,272
What about all those wonderful things
you used to say to me?
826
00:49:20,272 --> 00:49:25,309
All about my cute little tibia,
and how I had beautifully enlarged glands?
827
00:49:25,309 --> 00:49:27,356
Dr Kilmore?
828
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,356
Dr Kilmore?
829
00:49:30,356 --> 00:49:33,955
Dr Kilmore!
Why are you listening at Dr Tinkle's door?
830
00:49:33,955 --> 00:49:35,632
What was that?
831
00:49:35,632 --> 00:49:38,598
Why are you listening at Dr Tinkle's door?
832
00:49:38,598 --> 00:49:40,636
Was I? Oh. Oh, yes...
833
00:49:40,636 --> 00:49:42,790
I thought I heard a deathwatch beetle.
834
00:49:42,790 --> 00:49:45,235
Really? Then we'd better inform Dr Tinkle.
835
00:49:45,235 --> 00:49:46,469
No. You can't go in there.
836
00:49:46,469 --> 00:49:49,597
Now, will you kindly open that door
and leave my room?
837
00:49:49,597 --> 00:49:51,636
No! Not until you say you love me.
838
00:49:51,636 --> 00:49:54,075
Very well.
839
00:49:54,075 --> 00:49:56,469
Stand aside from the door, please.
840
00:49:56,469 --> 00:49:58,152
- No.
- Very well.
841
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:07,390
Oh!
842
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,636
Dr Tinkle, I'd never have believed it!
843
00:50:11,636 --> 00:50:13,676
Matron, let me explain.
844
00:50:13,676 --> 00:50:17,070
This girl's mad. She forced her way
into my room and tried to attack me.
845
00:50:17,070 --> 00:50:20,516
Oh, that's not true! I wouldn't hurt him. I love him!
846
00:50:20,516 --> 00:50:21,953
- You do?
- Yes.
847
00:50:21,953 --> 00:50:23,359
She must be crazy.
848
00:50:23,359 --> 00:50:26,477
Return to your room.
I'll deal with you in the morning!
849
00:50:26,477 --> 00:50:28,630
I don't care what you do to me.
850
00:50:28,630 --> 00:50:32,030
Without him, I don't even want to go on living!
851
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:35,913
You see what I mean? She's absolutely crazy.
852
00:50:35,913 --> 00:50:38,116
Bluebeard!
853
00:50:38,116 --> 00:50:40,873
Doctor, you saw what happened.
You'll back me up, won't you?
854
00:50:40,873 --> 00:50:43,394
What... What are you looking at me like that for?
855
00:50:43,394 --> 00:50:46,438
I was just thinking,
what a cute little tibia you have.
856
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:00,236
Here we are, then, sonny.
857
00:51:00,236 --> 00:51:02,788
If I've told him once,
I've told him a thousand times...
858
00:51:02,788 --> 00:51:05,713
- How did that happen?
- They was playing soldiers.
859
00:51:05,713 --> 00:51:08,553
- Come on.
- He must have been one of the Jerries.
860
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,195
Poor little fella.
861
00:51:16,195 --> 00:51:18,919
Never mind "poor little fella".
What about poor Grandad?
862
00:51:18,919 --> 00:51:21,389
He's bedridden and relies on that.
863
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:25,510
- Good morning, Matron.
- Good morning, Doctor.
864
00:51:25,510 --> 00:51:27,556
Matron, about last night...
865
00:51:27,556 --> 00:51:30,074
I don't think we should discuss it any more,
Dr Tinkle.
866
00:51:30,074 --> 00:51:32,196
Oh, I'm glad you feel that way about it, Matron.
867
00:51:32,196 --> 00:51:34,748
I agree.
I think the whole matter is best forgotten.
868
00:51:34,748 --> 00:51:39,072
Naturally, I have suspended trainee nurse May,
and confined her to her room.
869
00:51:39,072 --> 00:51:43,312
Very sensible. Probably better to dismiss her
altogether. A bad influence, you know.
870
00:51:43,312 --> 00:51:45,709
That will be up to the hospital committee
to decide,
871
00:51:45,709 --> 00:51:48,075
after I've put in my full report.
872
00:51:48,075 --> 00:51:51,948
Oh, we don't need to bother with them, do we?
Just give her the push, quietly.
873
00:51:51,948 --> 00:51:54,634
It's not as simple as that, Doctor.
874
00:51:54,634 --> 00:51:57,393
They will want to know
what that girl was doing in your room.
875
00:51:57,393 --> 00:52:00,392
Oh, we don't want to tell them all that.
876
00:52:00,392 --> 00:52:03,358
Can't it just be our little secret, eh?
877
00:52:03,358 --> 00:52:07,194
What about Doctor Kilmore?
He saw it too, remember.
878
00:52:07,194 --> 00:52:11,592
Yes, but I'm sure we can find a way
of fixing him between us.
879
00:52:11,592 --> 00:52:16,310
Well, naturally, I don't want to jeopardise
your position here unnecessarily, Doctor.
880
00:52:16,310 --> 00:52:21,315
Of course you don't, Matron. Perhaps we could
discuss this over a quiet little dinner tonight,
881
00:52:21,315 --> 00:52:23,356
just the two of us?
882
00:52:23,356 --> 00:52:26,238
Oh, that would be rather nice.
883
00:52:26,238 --> 00:52:28,880
The pleasure would be all mine, Matron.
884
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:31,599
Oh... Well, I think I can promise you, Doctor,
885
00:52:31,599 --> 00:52:33,636
you won't be disappointed.
886
00:52:33,636 --> 00:52:35,950
Young chickens may be soft and tender,
887
00:52:35,950 --> 00:52:38,230
but the older birds have more on them.
888
00:52:38,230 --> 00:52:40,276
True.
889
00:52:40,276 --> 00:52:42,157
And take a lot more stuffing.
890
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,839
Thank you, Doctor.
It won't happen again, I promise you.
891
00:52:46,839 --> 00:52:48,069
Don't forget your helmet.
892
00:52:48,069 --> 00:52:51,948
Got to get that back to his poor grandad.
Let's hope we're in time.
893
00:52:51,948 --> 00:52:53,996
Come on, you little devil.
894
00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:00,074
Ah, Nurse Clarke?
Just the person I wanted to see.
895
00:53:00,074 --> 00:53:01,639
Oh, really, Doctor? What about?
896
00:53:01,639 --> 00:53:04,109
Oh, well, it's about the girl
you share a room with.
897
00:53:04,109 --> 00:53:06,760
Oh. Nurse May, you mean?
898
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:10,037
That's right. I was going to ask you
if you could keep an eye on her.
899
00:53:10,037 --> 00:53:12,759
There are enough people doing that,
if you ask me.
900
00:53:12,759 --> 00:53:17,072
She had a spot of trouble last night
and she got very emotionally upset.
901
00:53:17,072 --> 00:53:18,991
She seemed all right when I left her.
902
00:53:18,991 --> 00:53:23,358
Seriously, though, Nurse, there's a chance
she may do something very silly.
903
00:53:23,358 --> 00:53:25,032
You don't mean...
904
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:28,670
Oh, I can't believe that, Doctor.
905
00:53:28,670 --> 00:53:31,354
Well, anything can happen in a hospital, Nurse.
906
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,193
Little devil, you done it on purpose!
907
00:53:36,193 --> 00:53:37,474
Oh, no, not again, surely.
908
00:53:37,474 --> 00:53:41,439
Little swine! He dropped it
just as I stepped off the kerb.
909
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,516
I don't really need that, thank you, Nurse.
910
00:53:46,516 --> 00:53:48,556
Use it as soon as you can, Mr Roper.
911
00:53:48,556 --> 00:53:51,234
Dr Tinkle wants a specimen for analysis.
912
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:54,716
He does, does he?
913
00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:24,554
I'm not at all satisfied with the progress
some of these patients are making, Matron.
914
00:54:24,554 --> 00:54:27,916
- I think we're being far too easy on them.
- I quite agree with you, Doctor.
915
00:54:27,916 --> 00:54:30,833
Mr Biddle, still making your frequent trips
down the corridor?
916
00:54:30,833 --> 00:54:33,832
Yes, thank you, Doctor.
I'm enjoying getting about a bit.
917
00:54:33,832 --> 00:54:36,388
You are not here to enjoy yourself, Mr Biddle.
918
00:54:36,388 --> 00:54:39,756
In future, Matron,
I want this patient restricted to his bed.
919
00:54:39,756 --> 00:54:41,796
Yes, Doctor.
920
00:54:43,240 --> 00:54:44,719
Good morning, Mr Smith.
921
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,951
Oh, yes, we'll have those stitches out today.
922
00:54:47,951 --> 00:54:49,996
Oh. Will I have an anaesthetic, Doctor?
923
00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:52,036
Certainly not!
924
00:54:52,036 --> 00:54:54,588
- Won't it hurt?
- Yes, it will hurt, and I want it to hurt.
925
00:54:54,588 --> 00:54:58,753
Perhaps next time you consider having a lump,
you'll think twice about it.
926
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:01,958
Good morning, Mr Roper.
927
00:55:01,958 --> 00:55:02,995
Yep.
928
00:55:02,995 --> 00:55:06,675
Ah, temperature four degrees
below normal today.
929
00:55:06,675 --> 00:55:07,715
- No.
- Yes.
930
00:55:07,715 --> 00:55:11,110
- I can't understand that.
- Perhaps the tea was cold this morning.
931
00:55:11,110 --> 00:55:13,236
- I don't know what you mean.
- Don't you?
932
00:55:13,236 --> 00:55:16,118
Now that it's down,
we must endeavour to keep it down.
933
00:55:16,118 --> 00:55:20,830
Matron, give Mr Roper ice-water baths
every four hours.
934
00:55:20,830 --> 00:55:22,876
- Ice water!
- Day and night.
935
00:55:22,876 --> 00:55:24,916
That ought to do it, Doctor.
936
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:29,839
Ah, Mr Barron. I've been reading
the psychologist's report on you.
937
00:55:29,839 --> 00:55:33,674
He seems to think
you're suffering from a sympathetic pregnancy.
938
00:55:33,674 --> 00:55:36,194
Oh, no, Doctor, I'm just going to have a baby.
939
00:55:36,194 --> 00:55:41,070
By that he means you're feeling all the ill-effects
normally experienced by a mother-to-be.
940
00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:43,116
Yes, I suppose you could put it like that.
941
00:55:43,116 --> 00:55:46,158
Quite, and since you've insisted
on assuming the role of a mother,
942
00:55:46,158 --> 00:55:48,276
we've decided to play along with you.
943
00:55:48,276 --> 00:55:50,316
Oh, Doctor, how splendid!
944
00:55:50,316 --> 00:55:51,958
Don't mention it.
945
00:55:51,958 --> 00:55:56,192
I'd like Mr Barron to attend
all the hospital's prenatal exercise classes.
946
00:55:56,192 --> 00:55:58,748
I'd better see how Mr Wrigley is progressing.
947
00:55:58,748 --> 00:56:01,400
Very well, Doctor. Sit up, please, Mr Wrigley.
948
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,912
Ooh, I still don't like the look of him.
949
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,752
Ah, how are you feeling, Mr Bigger?
950
00:56:23,752 --> 00:56:24,795
Shocking!
951
00:56:24,795 --> 00:56:26,836
Doctor, I've got a green tongue.
952
00:56:26,836 --> 00:56:30,390
- Dear, dear. How are your bowels?
- Well, I don't know. I haven't looked.
953
00:56:30,390 --> 00:56:34,109
A good big dose for you this evening.
Now, come along, back to bed.
954
00:56:34,109 --> 00:56:36,156
Is the back still painful?
955
00:56:36,156 --> 00:56:39,676
Oh, yes! Never mind. What does it matter?
956
00:56:39,676 --> 00:56:41,716
It's only a question of time.
957
00:56:41,716 --> 00:56:43,756
Oh, don't be like that, Mr Bigger.
958
00:56:43,756 --> 00:56:46,957
We must do what we can for you.
You're not going to be with us for long.
959
00:56:46,957 --> 00:56:51,397
Well, don't keep harping on it.
You'll be measuring me up for my coffin next.
960
00:56:51,397 --> 00:56:53,994
I don't think that'll be necessary.
961
00:56:53,994 --> 00:56:56,310
No. With the National Health Service,
962
00:56:56,310 --> 00:56:58,436
I shall be lucky to get an old tea chest.
963
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:02,115
A tea crate!
964
00:57:02,115 --> 00:57:05,272
Matron, I think we'll try a bit of traction
on Mr Bigger.
965
00:57:05,272 --> 00:57:07,316
- A bit of traction.
- A bit of what?
966
00:57:07,316 --> 00:57:10,915
Traction. It's a system of heavy weights
designed to stretch you.
967
00:57:10,915 --> 00:57:13,833
What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
968
00:57:13,833 --> 00:57:17,037
No, thank you. I'd rather lie here and shrivel.
969
00:57:17,037 --> 00:57:20,430
Traction is considered
a very effective treatment for back trouble.
970
00:57:20,430 --> 00:57:22,829
Look, I don't...
971
00:57:22,829 --> 00:57:24,876
Effective?
972
00:57:24,876 --> 00:57:27,269
What, you mean I might even live?
973
00:57:27,269 --> 00:57:29,635
I'm sure you will. Nobody's died of it yet.
974
00:57:29,635 --> 00:57:32,553
Well, don't just stand there. Get your tractor out.
975
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:38,319
# Rock'n'roll on the radio
976
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:56,152
It's Mr Roper's.
977
00:57:56,152 --> 00:57:57,832
Oh, the temperature king, eh?
978
00:57:57,832 --> 00:57:59,876
Let's see.
979
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:12,879
I may be wrong, Nurse,
but I think Mr Roper is producing neat Scotch.
980
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:15,996
This is very interesting.
981
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:27,389
Dr Kilmore!
982
00:58:27,389 --> 00:58:28,435
What is it?
983
00:58:28,435 --> 00:58:30,238
- Look!
- Where, where?
984
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:34,716
Oh, good grief!
985
00:58:34,716 --> 00:58:36,950
- Don't!
- Don't shout at her like that.
986
00:58:36,950 --> 00:58:38,996
That's the worst thing you could do.
987
00:58:38,996 --> 00:58:40,911
We've got to try and stop her.
988
00:58:40,911 --> 00:58:44,629
We must reason with her, quietly.
Try and talk her out of it. Come on.
989
00:59:20,396 --> 00:59:22,436
- Which room?
- That one.
990
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:26,199
It's locked.
991
00:59:26,199 --> 00:59:28,236
The roof, quick.
992
01:00:05,473 --> 01:00:07,835
It's all right, it's only me.
993
01:00:07,835 --> 01:00:11,230
Go away, you dirty Peeping Tom!
994
01:00:11,230 --> 01:00:13,788
See, I didn't know that you were sunbathing.
995
01:00:13,788 --> 01:00:16,110
I thought you were going to jump.
996
01:00:17,599 --> 01:00:19,636
What's all the screaming?
997
01:00:19,636 --> 01:00:21,995
I don't know.
998
01:00:21,995 --> 01:00:23,718
Blimey! Look!
999
01:00:23,718 --> 01:00:26,030
A rooftop drama!
1000
01:00:26,030 --> 01:00:27,519
Argh!
1001
01:00:27,519 --> 01:00:29,716
Have a look at this!
1002
01:00:29,716 --> 01:00:31,478
What is it?
1003
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:35,432
What is going on in here?
Get back in your beds at once!
1004
01:00:35,432 --> 01:00:37,670
And miss this? Not on your nelly.
1005
01:00:37,670 --> 01:00:39,113
What's going on in here?
1006
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:42,392
What do you think you're doing?
1007
01:00:42,392 --> 01:00:44,118
Come down at once!
1008
01:00:44,118 --> 01:00:47,237
Oh, he must be mad.
I always suspected he was unstable.
1009
01:00:47,237 --> 01:00:50,073
Unstable's the word. Look at the idiot.
1010
01:00:50,073 --> 01:00:50,823
Oh!
1011
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:54,553
What is it? What's happened?
1012
01:00:54,553 --> 01:00:57,438
N... Nothing. It's all right. I'm coming back now.
1013
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:00,471
Whoa!
1014
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:05,759
Argh!
1015
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:11,035
Oh!
1016
01:01:11,035 --> 01:01:13,076
Hold on!
1017
01:01:13,076 --> 01:01:14,115
I'm coming.
1018
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:16,390
Oh!
1019
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:19,631
Argh!
1020
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:23,195
Help!
1021
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:31,757
Don't move.
1022
01:01:31,757 --> 01:01:34,991
Don't move? I can't move!
1023
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,156
I'm here.
1024
01:01:42,156 --> 01:01:44,196
Hold on.
1025
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:46,832
I'll never reach it.
1026
01:01:46,832 --> 01:01:48,717
Wait a minute.
1027
01:01:48,717 --> 01:01:50,756
I'm not going anywhere.
1028
01:01:50,756 --> 01:01:52,034
Oh!
1029
01:01:52,034 --> 01:01:53,075
I hope...
1030
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:56,996
Grab hold of my leg.
1031
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:02,155
Got it.
1032
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:06,432
I'm OK. Climb up me.
1033
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:13,108
Argh!
1034
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:15,450
Help!
1035
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:17,955
Oh!
1036
01:02:24,751 --> 01:02:26,001
Argh!
1037
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:55,592
Agh!
1038
01:02:55,592 --> 01:02:56,312
Arrgh!
1039
01:02:59,960 --> 01:03:00,915
Oh!
1040
01:03:00,915 --> 01:03:02,274
Oh...
1041
01:03:02,274 --> 01:03:04,316
Dread... Dreadfully sorry. I... I...
1042
01:03:04,316 --> 01:03:07,437
I didn't realise that... that you were here.
You see, I...
1043
01:03:07,437 --> 01:03:11,035
I was outside, and I didn't really know...
know that you were here.
1044
01:03:11,035 --> 01:03:13,076
Would you like to try... try those on?
1045
01:03:13,076 --> 01:03:14,115
Argh!
1046
01:03:14,115 --> 01:03:17,078
- What are you doing?
- Well, I'm sorry. You see, I... I...
1047
01:03:17,078 --> 01:03:19,390
I came in through... through the window.
1048
01:03:19,390 --> 01:03:21,835
I... I didn't... I'm terribly...
1049
01:03:21,835 --> 01:03:27,438
It says here, "He tried to peep at one nurse
sunbathing in the semi-nude,
1050
01:03:27,438 --> 01:03:31,513
half-stripped another,
and attacked a third one in her bath."
1051
01:03:31,513 --> 01:03:33,318
I wonder what he has for breakfast.
1052
01:03:33,318 --> 01:03:35,356
That's a load of rubbish.
1053
01:03:35,356 --> 01:03:37,396
Doc Kilmore's not like that.
1054
01:03:37,396 --> 01:03:39,550
We saw him rip her skirt off, didn't we?
1055
01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:41,870
Not on purpose. It was an accident.
1056
01:03:41,870 --> 01:03:44,679
That's what I told my old woman.
I still had to marry her.
1057
01:03:44,679 --> 01:03:47,228
He tried to stop himself falling off the roof.
1058
01:03:47,228 --> 01:03:50,517
Ah, but what was he doing on the roof, eh?
1059
01:03:50,517 --> 01:03:51,555
Argh!
1060
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:57,595
- Come along, Mr Roper. Bath time.
- Not again. My temperature's normal now.
1061
01:03:57,595 --> 01:04:00,831
I can't help that.
Dr Tinkle's orders, every four hours.
1062
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,194
Here, you'll get shot if she sees you.
1063
01:04:09,194 --> 01:04:12,192
She won't, if she's getting the bath ready for him.
1064
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:17,913
Uh-oh.
1065
01:04:17,913 --> 01:04:19,797
Mr Biddle?
1066
01:04:19,797 --> 01:04:21,836
- Is that what you want?
- Yes, thank you.
1067
01:04:21,836 --> 01:04:23,876
Another time, just ring for it.
1068
01:04:23,876 --> 01:04:25,234
Oh, ding-dong.
1069
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:27,355
Oh!
1070
01:04:27,355 --> 01:04:30,273
- Come along, Mr Roper.
- All right, all right, I'm coming.
1071
01:04:30,273 --> 01:04:32,316
Where's Mr Barron?
1072
01:04:32,316 --> 01:04:34,675
Still at classes. It's all right for him.
1073
01:04:34,675 --> 01:04:37,718
Right leg raised, two, three,
1074
01:04:37,718 --> 01:04:39,756
lower, two, three.
1075
01:04:39,756 --> 01:04:42,195
Both legs raised, two...
1076
01:04:42,195 --> 01:04:44,236
Come on, Mr Barron. You're not trying.
1077
01:04:44,236 --> 01:04:46,276
Argh!
1078
01:04:46,276 --> 01:04:48,316
Lower, two, three.
1079
01:04:48,316 --> 01:04:51,278
Right leg raised, two, three.
1080
01:04:51,278 --> 01:04:53,316
Lower, two, three.
1081
01:04:53,316 --> 01:04:55,356
Now, sit up, ladies.
1082
01:04:55,356 --> 01:04:57,396
Arms above the heads.
1083
01:04:57,396 --> 01:05:01,029
Breathe in, two, three,
1084
01:05:01,029 --> 01:05:03,634
out, two, three.
1085
01:05:03,634 --> 01:05:05,790
Let me go back to bed. I'm all right now.
1086
01:05:05,790 --> 01:05:08,348
- Here's the ice, Sister.
- Put it in the bath.
1087
01:05:08,348 --> 01:05:11,318
- I'm not having that again!
- In you go, and get undressed.
1088
01:05:11,318 --> 01:05:13,960
Excuse me, Sister?
1089
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:17,237
I am from Cox & Carter,
about the new rubber sheets.
1090
01:05:17,237 --> 01:05:19,276
I'm rather busy now.
1091
01:05:19,276 --> 01:05:23,273
I don't need to bother you, Sister.
I only want to measure the beds for size.
1092
01:05:23,273 --> 01:05:26,158
They're all the same.
Use one of the private rooms over there.
1093
01:05:26,158 --> 01:05:28,196
Now, come along, Mr Roper. It's...
1094
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:31,993
Don't be a baby, Mr Roper. It's only ice.
1095
01:05:31,993 --> 01:05:34,036
I know it is. I just sat on a lump!
1096
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:36,755
Never!
1097
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:41,320
Never again, never. From now on, it's the pill.
1098
01:06:18,075 --> 01:06:21,232
Morning, sir. Beg your pardon.
I didn't mean to disturb you.
1099
01:06:21,232 --> 01:06:24,392
You fiend!
You might at least have waited till I've gone.
1100
01:06:24,392 --> 01:06:26,436
Sister wanted me to do it now, sir.
1101
01:06:26,436 --> 01:06:29,432
I shall do you now, if you don't get out.
Now, go on, get out of here!
1102
01:06:29,432 --> 01:06:32,671
- Go on, get out!
- I'm sorry. I only want to make my living.
1103
01:06:32,671 --> 01:06:34,716
You grave robber!
1104
01:06:34,716 --> 01:06:36,756
If I get my hands on you, I'll...
1105
01:06:39,840 --> 01:06:43,469
They don't want rubber sheets here,
they want straitjackets.
1106
01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:51,028
- Good luck.
- I think I'm going to need it.
1107
01:06:51,028 --> 01:06:53,076
Maybe this will help.
1108
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:57,796
When you're quite ready, Dr Kilmore.
1109
01:06:57,796 --> 01:07:00,559
- They're waiting for you.
- Er, yes, right, Matron.
1110
01:07:00,559 --> 01:07:04,189
You are not needed, Nurse Clarke.
You may return to your duties.
1111
01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:08,116
Ah, there you are, Kilmore.
1112
01:07:08,116 --> 01:07:11,749
You know Sir Edmund Burke,
chairman of the committee, I believe?
1113
01:07:11,749 --> 01:07:13,796
We did bump into each other once before.
1114
01:07:13,796 --> 01:07:16,235
Bumped is right.
He went into the back of my Jag.
1115
01:07:16,235 --> 01:07:18,276
Did 40 quids worth of damage.
1116
01:07:18,276 --> 01:07:23,514
Very unfortunate, but I'm sure you won't allow
that to influence your decision in this case?
1117
01:07:23,514 --> 01:07:26,478
Of course not.
Any man is entitled to make a mistake.
1118
01:07:26,478 --> 01:07:29,199
Provided he doesn't make a ruddy habit of it.
1119
01:07:29,199 --> 01:07:32,955
- Do sit down, Kilmore.
- Thank you.
1120
01:07:32,955 --> 01:07:34,996
Aye, well, I'm known as a fair man,
1121
01:07:34,996 --> 01:07:38,550
and I intend to conduct this inquiry
in a fair and just manner. Understood?
1122
01:07:38,550 --> 01:07:40,631
Oh, yes. Thank you, sir.
1123
01:07:40,631 --> 01:07:43,393
Well, what the hell are you, then?
A sex maniac or summat?
1124
01:07:43,393 --> 01:07:46,153
What?! Oh, that's hardly fair, sir.
1125
01:07:46,153 --> 01:07:48,356
If it was me, peeking at girls in the half-raw,
1126
01:07:48,356 --> 01:07:51,591
stripping them, and mucking about with them
in baths, what would I be?
1127
01:07:51,591 --> 01:07:53,113
A wishful thinker?
1128
01:07:54,155 --> 01:07:57,437
Now, then, Kilmore,
rudeness will get you nowhere, you know.
1129
01:07:57,437 --> 01:08:00,637
I'm sorry, but I just want to make an explanation.
1130
01:08:00,637 --> 01:08:04,315
What were you doing on the roof
of the nurses' home?
1131
01:08:04,315 --> 01:08:08,439
Well, sir,
I saw Nurse May climb through the window,
1132
01:08:08,439 --> 01:08:10,556
and, naturally, I thought she was going to jump.
1133
01:08:10,556 --> 01:08:14,315
- Why should she do that?
- Because of what happened the night before.
1134
01:08:14,315 --> 01:08:16,391
What did you do to her the night before?
1135
01:08:16,391 --> 01:08:18,914
I didn't do anything to her. It was...
1136
01:08:19,960 --> 01:08:24,238
Go on, Kilmore.
I want Sir Edmund to hear your full story.
1137
01:08:24,238 --> 01:08:27,835
All right, then.
Dr Tinkle had a row with her in his room,
1138
01:08:27,835 --> 01:08:29,638
and she got very upset.
1139
01:08:29,638 --> 01:08:32,757
A row? In my room?
1140
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:34,755
Yes.
1141
01:08:34,755 --> 01:08:36,956
Matron was there. She can tell you.
1142
01:08:36,956 --> 01:08:38,109
Well, Matron?
1143
01:08:38,109 --> 01:08:41,988
I haven't the least idea
what Dr Kilmore is talking about.
1144
01:08:41,988 --> 01:08:44,389
But this is absurd!
1145
01:08:45,440 --> 01:08:47,795
Nurse May. Get her in and ask her.
1146
01:08:47,795 --> 01:08:50,758
Oh, yes, I'd like to see her.
I've heard she's quite...
1147
01:08:51,795 --> 01:08:56,032
I'm afraid that's not possible. Nurse May has left.
1148
01:08:56,032 --> 01:08:58,759
She was so upset by Dr Kilmore's conduct.
1149
01:08:58,759 --> 01:09:00,353
I don't blame her.
1150
01:09:00,353 --> 01:09:01,395
But...
1151
01:09:01,395 --> 01:09:06,190
Nurse Clarke. Now, she'll back me up.
She thought Nurse May was going to jump too.
1152
01:09:06,190 --> 01:09:07,599
Is that right, Matron?
1153
01:09:07,599 --> 01:09:10,399
I'm sure she'd back him up, Sir Edmund.
1154
01:09:10,399 --> 01:09:14,473
Nurse Clarke has what is commonly known
as a crush on Dr Kilmore.
1155
01:09:14,473 --> 01:09:16,357
Has she really?
1156
01:09:16,357 --> 01:09:19,398
They were kissing outside the door just now.
1157
01:09:19,398 --> 01:09:22,040
I was right. He is a sex maniac!
1158
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:24,429
What's the matter?
Don't you ever have enough?
1159
01:09:24,429 --> 01:09:27,478
I've had enough of this farce.
I know when I'm licked.
1160
01:09:27,478 --> 01:09:29,437
And don't bother to sack me. I resign!
1161
01:09:29,437 --> 01:09:31,909
And you can stick this job
in the "wanted" column.
1162
01:09:31,909 --> 01:09:37,028
Your resignation is accepted, Doctor,
and don't bother asking me for a reference!
1163
01:09:37,028 --> 01:09:40,078
I wouldn't ask you for an aspirin tablet,
you old poop face!
1164
01:09:40,078 --> 01:09:42,515
What did you call me?
1165
01:09:42,515 --> 01:09:43,555
Poop face!
1166
01:09:43,555 --> 01:09:44,993
P-O-O-P.
1167
01:09:44,993 --> 01:09:46,149
Poop.
1168
01:09:46,640 --> 01:09:50,155
- Poop face?
- That's what I heard! That's what he called him.
1169
01:09:50,155 --> 01:09:52,515
- Well, good for old Dr Kilmore.
- Excuse me?
1170
01:09:52,515 --> 01:09:53,999
Poop face!
1171
01:09:53,999 --> 01:09:55,911
I beg your pardon?
1172
01:09:55,911 --> 01:09:57,877
Oh, sorry. Not you, Chaplain.
1173
01:09:57,877 --> 01:10:01,191
I'm wondering
where I can find Mr Francis Bigger.
1174
01:10:01,191 --> 01:10:02,918
Oh, he's in the privates.
1175
01:10:02,918 --> 01:10:04,399
Pardon?
1176
01:10:04,399 --> 01:10:08,632
In the private wards!
You go through the door and turn left.
1177
01:10:09,720 --> 01:10:11,676
Thank you so much.
1178
01:10:11,676 --> 01:10:13,990
Here, what does he want him for?
Has he had it?
1179
01:10:13,990 --> 01:10:16,435
Haven't you heard? He's getting married.
1180
01:10:16,435 --> 01:10:18,476
Here's the chaplain, Mr Bigger.
1181
01:10:18,476 --> 01:10:21,518
- Oh, how do you do?
- How do you do? How do you do?
1182
01:10:21,518 --> 01:10:22,555
Yes...
1183
01:10:22,555 --> 01:10:24,676
Well, have you got the licence, dear?
1184
01:10:24,676 --> 01:10:26,716
The licence!
1185
01:10:26,716 --> 01:10:28,472
Licence.
1186
01:10:28,472 --> 01:10:31,677
That's the style. No, dear. That's for the dog.
1187
01:10:31,677 --> 01:10:33,716
The one for the other thing.
1188
01:10:33,716 --> 01:10:36,439
The licence! Yes.
1189
01:10:36,439 --> 01:10:38,272
That's better.
1190
01:10:38,272 --> 01:10:40,316
Now... Have you got the ring?
1191
01:10:40,316 --> 01:10:42,356
The ring!
1192
01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:49,792
Gold. You didn't have to go mad, dear.
1193
01:10:49,792 --> 01:10:51,836
I said, "You didn't have to go mad."
1194
01:10:51,836 --> 01:10:54,718
Oh, no, it didn't cost me anything.
1195
01:10:54,718 --> 01:10:56,756
It was my mother's wedding ring.
1196
01:10:56,756 --> 01:10:58,432
Really? Hmm.
1197
01:10:58,432 --> 01:11:00,954
You didn't tell me she was married.
1198
01:11:00,954 --> 01:11:03,076
Do you still want me to be a bridesmaid?
1199
01:11:03,076 --> 01:11:04,832
Yes, please, Nurse, if you would.
1200
01:11:04,832 --> 01:11:07,036
And someone should give Miss Gibson away.
1201
01:11:07,036 --> 01:11:10,396
They'll have to.
They'll never get anything for her.
1202
01:11:10,396 --> 01:11:11,959
I beg your pardon.
1203
01:11:11,959 --> 01:11:14,600
Don't worry. I'll find someone.
1204
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:18,229
I... I haven't conducted a wedding
in hospital before.
1205
01:11:18,229 --> 01:11:20,709
Oh... Well, look, Your Reverence,
1206
01:11:20,709 --> 01:11:23,553
we just want a simple ceremony.
1207
01:11:23,553 --> 01:11:27,633
Nothing expensive.
Just the "don't yous" or "do yous",
1208
01:11:27,633 --> 01:11:30,598
and no organ, and no sex chat.
1209
01:11:30,598 --> 01:11:34,355
I beg your pardon?
I'm afraid my battery's a bit low.
1210
01:11:35,440 --> 01:11:37,670
I can certainly pick 'em.
1211
01:11:37,670 --> 01:11:40,877
Sorry, Fred, but I did promise her faithful
I'd go and visit her again.
1212
01:11:40,877 --> 01:11:44,270
I'm warning you, if they come round
with any more of that medicine, I'm off.
1213
01:11:44,270 --> 01:11:47,238
Talk about running.
I must have broken all records.
1214
01:12:00,520 --> 01:12:03,114
Mr Biddle? What do you think you're doing?
1215
01:12:03,114 --> 01:12:06,909
- Sorry. No speak-a Engleesh.
- Just a moment, Mr Biddle. I want you.
1216
01:12:06,909 --> 01:12:09,150
Oh, come off it, Nurse.
1217
01:12:09,150 --> 01:12:11,913
Please. I only want to visit somebody
for a few minutes.
1218
01:12:11,913 --> 01:12:13,991
I have a job for you first, Mr Biddle.
1219
01:12:13,991 --> 01:12:17,914
- But there's only ten minutes' visiting left, Nurse.
- It shouldn't take that long.
1220
01:12:17,914 --> 01:12:19,956
Oh! In here.
1221
01:12:21,320 --> 01:12:23,276
Oh, Sister?
1222
01:12:23,276 --> 01:12:27,717
Would you mind telling my husband
I won't be able to visit him this evening?
1223
01:12:27,717 --> 01:12:29,995
Only, it's started.
1224
01:12:29,995 --> 01:12:35,279
Do you, Francis Kitchener Bigger,
take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
1225
01:12:35,279 --> 01:12:36,315
I do.
1226
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:38,930
I do!
1227
01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:46,399
Do you, Chloe Gibson, take this man
to be your lawful, wedded husband?
1228
01:12:47,760 --> 01:12:49,478
I do!
1229
01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:52,556
No, he's asking you.
1230
01:12:52,556 --> 01:12:54,471
Do you, etcetera etcetera?
1231
01:12:54,471 --> 01:12:56,391
Oh, yes.
1232
01:12:56,391 --> 01:13:00,109
- Well, dear, look, don't tell me, tell him.
- I do.
1233
01:13:01,440 --> 01:13:02,919
Yeah, she does!
1234
01:13:02,919 --> 01:13:04,433
I do!
1235
01:13:04,433 --> 01:13:06,272
All right, dear.
1236
01:13:06,272 --> 01:13:08,555
Any longer, I shall be too tired
for my honeymoon.
1237
01:13:08,555 --> 01:13:09,595
Hurry up.
1238
01:13:09,595 --> 01:13:11,432
Have you got the ring?
1239
01:13:11,432 --> 01:13:13,431
The ring? What ring?
1240
01:13:13,431 --> 01:13:15,272
Ring. Ring!
1241
01:13:15,272 --> 01:13:17,237
Where's the ring?
1242
01:13:17,237 --> 01:13:19,959
No, dear, I don't want it. Give it to the referee.
1243
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:24,555
No, no! The best man should have it.
1244
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:30,393
Right, now, we've got that sorted out.
What happens next?
1245
01:13:30,393 --> 01:13:32,391
The best man hands it to the bridegroom.
1246
01:13:35,960 --> 01:13:36,949
Thank you.
1247
01:13:36,949 --> 01:13:39,110
Now, repeat after me...
1248
01:13:39,110 --> 01:13:42,556
Will you speak up, because she cannot hear!
1249
01:13:42,556 --> 01:13:44,471
With this ring,
1250
01:13:44,471 --> 01:13:46,869
- I thee wed.
- Louder.
1251
01:13:46,869 --> 01:13:49,679
With this ring, I thee wed!
1252
01:13:49,679 --> 01:13:51,716
Now you, dear. Go on.
1253
01:13:51,716 --> 01:13:54,473
With this ring, I thee wed.
1254
01:13:54,473 --> 01:13:57,028
Will you speak up, dear?
1255
01:13:57,028 --> 01:13:59,873
With this ring, I thee wed!
1256
01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:06,470
...and have declared the same
by giving and receiving of a ring,
1257
01:14:06,470 --> 01:14:08,232
and by joining of hands,
1258
01:14:08,232 --> 01:14:12,916
I pronounce that they be man and wife together.
1259
01:14:12,916 --> 01:14:14,797
Congratulations.
1260
01:14:14,797 --> 01:14:16,836
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
1261
01:14:20,400 --> 01:14:22,436
- Good evening, all.
- Evening, doc.
1262
01:14:22,436 --> 01:14:24,715
Just looked in to say goodbye.
1263
01:14:24,715 --> 01:14:26,995
I'm off first thing in the morning.
1264
01:14:26,995 --> 01:14:28,638
I've got a better job, up north.
1265
01:14:28,638 --> 01:14:32,395
You don't have to kid us, doc.
We've heard all about it.
1266
01:14:32,395 --> 01:14:34,471
Oh...
1267
01:14:34,471 --> 01:14:35,629
Oh, I see.
1268
01:14:36,880 --> 01:14:39,269
I thought they ought to know the truth.
1269
01:14:39,269 --> 01:14:41,316
It wasn't fair, the way they treated you.
1270
01:14:42,440 --> 01:14:44,908
Well... can't be helped.
1271
01:14:46,320 --> 01:14:47,275
Well...
1272
01:14:48,480 --> 01:14:50,436
Oh, one last story.
1273
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:53,478
Did you hear about the little boy
who swallowed half-a-crown?
1274
01:14:53,478 --> 01:14:54,629
No.
1275
01:14:54,629 --> 01:14:57,951
Two days later his mother phoned
to see how he was, and they said,
1276
01:14:57,951 --> 01:14:59,758
"There's still no change."
1277
01:15:03,720 --> 01:15:06,075
Oh, well. Bye.
1278
01:15:06,075 --> 01:15:09,516
- Ta-ta, doc.
- Bye, doc.
1279
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:24,514
Ah, now, come on. That's enough of that.
1280
01:15:24,514 --> 01:15:27,512
Look at all the smudges you're putting on that.
1281
01:15:27,512 --> 01:15:30,068
Cheer up, Nurse. That won't do any good.
1282
01:15:32,240 --> 01:15:34,834
I bet Florence Nightingale never cried.
1283
01:15:34,834 --> 01:15:37,514
No. Would've put her lamp out.
1284
01:15:37,514 --> 01:15:40,433
I can't help it. It's all so unfair.
1285
01:15:40,433 --> 01:15:43,512
But you know what really happened.
Why don't you go and tell them?
1286
01:15:43,512 --> 01:15:47,275
They'd never believe me.
Not after Matron and Dr Tinkle.
1287
01:15:47,275 --> 01:15:49,954
She can't do anything.
They've got him by the aniseeds.
1288
01:15:49,954 --> 01:15:54,875
That Dr Tinkle! If I got hold of him,
I'd shove a catheter right up his nostril.
1289
01:15:54,875 --> 01:15:59,750
Good idea. Here, why don't all us patients
go and have a talk with Tinkle?
1290
01:15:59,750 --> 01:16:02,593
Lovely. But what about Matron and Sister?
1291
01:16:02,593 --> 01:16:04,511
The women patients'll take care of that.
1292
01:16:04,511 --> 01:16:07,433
Why don't you get something organised
with that bird of yours?
1293
01:16:07,433 --> 01:16:08,748
- Mavis?
- Yes.
1294
01:16:08,748 --> 01:16:10,796
Uh-oh...
1295
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:15,470
I'll never get past her.
1296
01:16:15,470 --> 01:16:19,473
There must be some way
of getting you into that ward.
1297
01:16:19,473 --> 01:16:22,358
- Nurse Clarke.
- You can't get her mixed up in this.
1298
01:16:22,358 --> 01:16:24,237
She'd lose her job.
1299
01:16:24,237 --> 01:16:28,279
It wouldn't be her fault if she left her uniform
lying about and somebody used it.
1300
01:16:35,400 --> 01:16:37,356
It's all clear. Come on.
1301
01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:42,428
Hey, Nurse?
1302
01:16:42,428 --> 01:16:43,873
Pull your knicker up.
1303
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:50,711
Nurse, give this suppository
to Miss Morris in bed three.
1304
01:17:10,360 --> 01:17:12,316
Good evening.
1305
01:17:22,640 --> 01:17:23,709
Mavis?
1306
01:17:23,709 --> 01:17:25,791
- Ted, what on earth...
- Shh!
1307
01:17:25,791 --> 01:17:27,552
I had to get to see you somehow.
1308
01:17:27,552 --> 01:17:31,189
- Listen, have you heard about Dr Kilmore?
- I'll say. I thought it was rotten.
1309
01:17:31,189 --> 01:17:33,396
Some of us are going to do something about it.
1310
01:17:33,396 --> 01:17:35,152
- Are you with us?
- Yeah, rather.
1311
01:17:35,152 --> 01:17:38,676
Good. Get all the women who can walk
ready for action, and wait for my whistle.
1312
01:17:38,676 --> 01:17:39,988
- OK?
- OK.
1313
01:17:39,988 --> 01:17:42,036
That's my girl.
1314
01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:50,232
Nurse?
1315
01:17:50,232 --> 01:17:52,550
Yes, what is it?
1316
01:17:57,960 --> 01:17:59,916
You want a what?
1317
01:18:00,920 --> 01:18:03,718
Oh. Very well. I'll go and get it for you.
1318
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:28,036
What is it?
1319
01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:31,790
- Hello, Kenneth.
- Hello, Matron.
1320
01:18:31,790 --> 01:18:33,996
It's only little me.
1321
01:18:33,996 --> 01:18:36,036
I thought you'd be surprised.
1322
01:18:36,036 --> 01:18:38,953
Matron! What is it?
1323
01:18:38,953 --> 01:18:40,268
What do you want?
1324
01:18:40,268 --> 01:18:43,591
- Don't you know?
- No. What is it? Are you not feeling well?
1325
01:18:43,591 --> 01:18:48,390
I'm feeling wonderful. I just thought we might
have a little drink to celebrate.
1326
01:18:48,390 --> 01:18:50,072
Celebrate? Celebrate what?
1327
01:18:50,072 --> 01:18:54,392
The way we got rid of Dr Kilmore
and that silly girl.
1328
01:18:54,392 --> 01:18:58,439
Oh, that. Yes. Well, I appreciate your help
in that matter, Matron,
1329
01:18:58,439 --> 01:19:00,636
and I'd like to have a drink with you sometime...
1330
01:19:00,636 --> 01:19:02,517
No, now, Kenneth.
1331
01:19:02,517 --> 01:19:08,357
I'm in the mood.
And don't keep calling me Matron, naughty boy.
1332
01:19:08,357 --> 01:19:10,158
It's Lavinia.
1333
01:19:10,158 --> 01:19:13,994
But someone might come in, you see.
You must leave my room at once.
1334
01:19:13,994 --> 01:19:16,548
No, really, Matron. I mean, Lavinia.
1335
01:19:16,548 --> 01:19:19,871
Wouldn't it be awful, Kenneth,
if someone found out
1336
01:19:19,871 --> 01:19:24,988
Dr Kilmore was right about you having a girl
in your room that night?
1337
01:19:24,988 --> 01:19:28,277
Not that I'd want to tell anyone, of course.
1338
01:19:28,277 --> 01:19:30,476
Not unless I had to.
1339
01:19:30,476 --> 01:19:32,516
Well, perhaps just a quick one.
1340
01:19:35,560 --> 01:19:37,915
Phew! I'm glad I'm out of that lot.
1341
01:19:37,915 --> 01:19:39,638
Funny thing about that uniform.
1342
01:19:39,638 --> 01:19:42,029
- I was beginning to fancy you.
- Oh, shut up!
1343
01:19:42,029 --> 01:19:44,156
Thank you, Nurse. Thank you very much.
1344
01:19:44,156 --> 01:19:45,798
- Everybody ready?
- Yes.
1345
01:19:45,798 --> 01:19:48,553
- Where will Tinkle be now?
- In his room on the top floor.
1346
01:19:48,553 --> 01:19:50,392
Right. Let's go.
1347
01:19:51,280 --> 01:19:52,554
Wait for me.
1348
01:19:52,554 --> 01:19:56,110
No. You'd better stay put, Mr Barron.
You're not well enough.
1349
01:19:56,110 --> 01:20:00,512
After all the prenatal classes
he made me go to? Not bloody likely.
1350
01:20:00,512 --> 01:20:03,239
Spoken like a true mother. Men, forward!
1351
01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:07,992
What are you doing?
1352
01:20:07,992 --> 01:20:09,718
Get back to your beds at once.
1353
01:20:11,793 --> 01:20:14,917
At once, do you hear, or I shall call the orderlies.
1354
01:20:17,720 --> 01:20:19,676
What is the meaning of this?
1355
01:20:19,676 --> 01:20:21,352
Having a bit of trouble, Ken?
1356
01:20:21,352 --> 01:20:24,750
Sister wants to call for help.
Maybe you can persuade her not to.
1357
01:20:24,750 --> 01:20:28,037
It'll be a pleasure. Come on, girls.
1358
01:20:29,480 --> 01:20:31,436
Keep away from me!
1359
01:20:32,480 --> 01:20:34,630
What the devil's going on?
1360
01:20:37,520 --> 01:20:40,159
Fancy wearing red ones under all that!
1361
01:20:40,159 --> 01:20:41,878
Get back in your room and keep quiet.
1362
01:20:41,878 --> 01:20:43,678
Oh...
1363
01:20:43,678 --> 01:20:46,399
And what is this, then? The revolt of the slaves?
1364
01:20:46,399 --> 01:20:48,755
Yeah.
We've got business to settle with Tinkle.
1365
01:20:48,755 --> 01:20:51,434
Tinkle? And you think I'm staying in there?
1366
01:20:51,434 --> 01:20:55,195
I should say so.
Up the rebels, and to hell with Burgundy.
1367
01:20:55,195 --> 01:20:57,157
- Where?
- Burgundy!
1368
01:20:57,157 --> 01:21:00,915
I don't think she'll give you any more trouble.
1369
01:21:00,915 --> 01:21:02,956
Nice work, love.
1370
01:21:02,956 --> 01:21:04,996
Right, fall in. Forward march!
1371
01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:19,559
What's going on?
1372
01:21:19,559 --> 01:21:21,596
What are you lot going to?
1373
01:21:21,596 --> 01:21:23,875
You shouldn't be up. You should be...
1374
01:21:23,875 --> 01:21:26,679
What are you doing? I'll tell Dr Tinkle!
1375
01:21:30,480 --> 01:21:33,392
Matron, please! I'm not that kind of doctor.
1376
01:21:33,392 --> 01:21:35,550
Don't deny yourself, Kenneth.
1377
01:21:35,550 --> 01:21:37,437
We've wasted so many years.
1378
01:21:37,437 --> 01:21:39,954
This is our moment of fulfilment.
1379
01:21:39,954 --> 01:21:42,235
But I don't want to feel full... full feel... I...
1380
01:21:42,235 --> 01:21:45,949
You don't understand. This sort of thing
could ruin my training programme.
1381
01:21:45,949 --> 01:21:48,679
- Oh, forget about that, Kenneth!
- I can't forget it.
1382
01:21:48,679 --> 01:21:51,433
It's my duty to keep myself fit and strong.
1383
01:21:51,433 --> 01:21:54,273
You may not realise it
but I was once a weak man.
1384
01:21:54,273 --> 01:21:56,828
Once a week's enough for any man.
1385
01:22:02,560 --> 01:22:04,516
Kiss me, Kenneth.
1386
01:22:04,516 --> 01:22:07,433
Send me!
You don't know what agony it's been,
1387
01:22:07,433 --> 01:22:10,353
yearning for you, yearning to give you my all.
1388
01:22:10,353 --> 01:22:12,954
But I don't want your all.
I don't even want a little bit.
1389
01:22:12,954 --> 01:22:16,635
I will not be put off! Not after all I've done for you!
1390
01:22:16,635 --> 01:22:18,153
Matron!
1391
01:22:18,153 --> 01:22:20,993
Matron, no, please. Oh, your hand!
1392
01:22:20,993 --> 01:22:22,559
Where have you put your hand?
1393
01:22:22,559 --> 01:22:26,315
Well, I've heard of the bedside manner,
but this...
1394
01:22:26,315 --> 01:22:29,710
What do you mean by this intrusion?
What do you think you're doing?
1395
01:22:29,710 --> 01:22:32,473
Not what you thought of doing, that's for sure.
1396
01:22:32,473 --> 01:22:36,951
Matron and I were discussing business.
She came to see me about some cases.
1397
01:22:36,951 --> 01:22:40,828
How dare you burst into Dr Tinkle's room
in this manner? Back to your wards!
1398
01:22:40,828 --> 01:22:43,309
- Mavis?
- Yes?
1399
01:22:43,309 --> 01:22:45,755
Get this old battleship out of here.
1400
01:22:45,755 --> 01:22:47,159
Battleship!
1401
01:22:47,159 --> 01:22:49,196
Come on, girls.
1402
01:22:49,196 --> 01:22:50,599
Don't you dare!
1403
01:22:50,599 --> 01:22:53,148
What is it? What do you want?
1404
01:22:53,148 --> 01:22:56,550
What we want from you is a signed confession.
1405
01:22:56,550 --> 01:23:01,191
The matron and I weren't doing anything.
You've only got to look at her to realise that.
1406
01:23:01,191 --> 01:23:04,795
But we didn't mean her.
We meant you and that little nurse.
1407
01:23:04,795 --> 01:23:06,438
The one with the big glands.
1408
01:23:06,438 --> 01:23:08,715
Certainly not. You can't make me do that.
1409
01:23:08,715 --> 01:23:09,915
You want to bet?
1410
01:23:09,915 --> 01:23:12,833
You'd better get the doctor's bath ready,
Mr Roper.
1411
01:23:12,833 --> 01:23:16,071
Yes, Nurse. A pleasure.
1412
01:23:16,071 --> 01:23:18,515
Now, wait a minute. You've no right...
1413
01:23:18,515 --> 01:23:20,318
Now, look here...
1414
01:23:20,318 --> 01:23:24,678
All you have to do is tell the truth
about what happened to Dr Kilmore, Matron.
1415
01:23:24,678 --> 01:23:27,194
No, never! You'll regret this, all of you.
1416
01:23:27,194 --> 01:23:30,989
Not half as much as you will.
All right, girls, get the stuff.
1417
01:23:30,989 --> 01:23:32,274
What are you going to do?
1418
01:23:32,274 --> 01:23:35,796
Give you one of the most diabolical
hospital tortures ever devised.
1419
01:23:35,796 --> 01:23:38,394
- A blanket bath.
- No!
1420
01:23:38,394 --> 01:23:39,708
No!
1421
01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:42,756
All right, now, Mr Roper?
1422
01:23:42,756 --> 01:23:46,310
It's enough to freeze the barnacles
off a brass dinghy.
1423
01:23:46,310 --> 01:23:49,198
Get your hands off me!
1424
01:23:49,198 --> 01:23:50,918
All right, Mr Smith, hold him over it.
1425
01:23:51,960 --> 01:23:54,315
Now will you sign, Doctor?
1426
01:23:54,315 --> 01:23:57,198
Certainly not. You wouldn't dare.
You can't fool me.
1427
01:23:59,360 --> 01:24:01,396
Oh, Mr Smith, I'm surprised at you.
1428
01:24:01,396 --> 01:24:04,119
Oh, I'm sorry. He slipped out of my hands.
1429
01:24:04,119 --> 01:24:08,034
You're fools! Idiots!
You'll never force me this way!
1430
01:24:08,034 --> 01:24:11,032
I take a cold shower every morning.
1431
01:24:11,032 --> 01:24:14,874
That's it. Lukewarm water, lovely rough flannels.
1432
01:24:14,874 --> 01:24:16,791
You're going to love this, Matron.
1433
01:24:16,791 --> 01:24:20,111
- All right, girls, let's get her things off.
- Don't you dare!
1434
01:24:20,111 --> 01:24:23,476
We can't take a bed bath
with our clothes on, can we?
1435
01:24:23,476 --> 01:24:26,358
Hey, look at that! Miss Bedpan, 1968!
1436
01:24:26,358 --> 01:24:27,589
No!
1437
01:24:32,240 --> 01:24:35,312
- Are you ready to tell?
- No, never!
1438
01:24:35,312 --> 01:24:36,389
Right!
1439
01:24:36,389 --> 01:24:38,391
Here we go.
1440
01:24:38,391 --> 01:24:40,755
Arrgh! No!
1441
01:24:40,755 --> 01:24:42,671
Ooh! Ooh!
1442
01:24:42,671 --> 01:24:46,912
Poor old Matron. That's going too far, that is.
1443
01:24:52,280 --> 01:24:53,679
No, no, I'll never sign.
1444
01:24:53,679 --> 01:24:55,671
Never! Do you hear?
1445
01:24:55,671 --> 01:24:58,797
Sam, Henry, stop them! Do something!
1446
01:24:58,797 --> 01:24:59,547
Oh!
1447
01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:02,311
The wind's getting up again.
1448
01:25:02,311 --> 01:25:04,356
Yeah. Maybe we ought to do something, eh?
1449
01:25:04,356 --> 01:25:07,318
Yeah. But let's have another quick look first.
1450
01:25:07,318 --> 01:25:10,597
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
1451
01:25:10,597 --> 01:25:13,478
No, no, I'll tell, I'll tell, I'll tell!
1452
01:25:13,478 --> 01:25:15,232
Here, where have they gone?
1453
01:25:15,232 --> 01:25:17,356
You won't get away with it.
1454
01:25:17,356 --> 01:25:19,271
You won't get away with it.
1455
01:25:19,271 --> 01:25:21,157
Don't tell me they're going to...
1456
01:25:25,829 --> 01:25:28,275
Where are you? I know you're here.
1457
01:25:28,275 --> 01:25:29,475
Answer me.
1458
01:25:29,475 --> 01:25:33,075
All right, you've had your fun.
I'll make a bargain with you.
1459
01:25:33,075 --> 01:25:37,278
Let me go and I'll say nothing
about your conduct tonight.
1460
01:25:37,278 --> 01:25:39,476
That's fair, isn't it?
1461
01:25:39,476 --> 01:25:41,039
Answer me!
1462
01:25:41,039 --> 01:25:43,031
Do you hear? Answer!
1463
01:25:48,837 --> 01:25:50,558
What are you doing?
1464
01:25:51,640 --> 01:25:54,029
All right, you've had your fun.
1465
01:25:54,029 --> 01:25:55,269
Let me go.
1466
01:25:55,269 --> 01:25:56,509
Answer me.
1467
01:25:56,509 --> 01:25:58,511
Do you hear?
1468
01:25:58,511 --> 01:26:00,556
Answer me!
1469
01:26:00,556 --> 01:26:02,073
What are you doing?
1470
01:26:04,320 --> 01:26:06,788
You wouldn't dare.
1471
01:26:06,788 --> 01:26:08,836
Now, come along.
1472
01:26:10,200 --> 01:26:10,950
Ah!
1473
01:26:13,840 --> 01:26:16,434
No, you wouldn't dare.
1474
01:26:16,434 --> 01:26:19,557
No, come on. Let's...
Let's be reasonable about this.
1475
01:26:21,200 --> 01:26:21,950
Oh!
1476
01:26:22,680 --> 01:26:26,150
Come on, you've had your little joke.
We've all had a bit of fun.
1477
01:26:26,150 --> 01:26:30,597
Let me go now
and we'll forget about the whole thing, eh?
1478
01:26:30,597 --> 01:26:32,989
- No, don't do that. I hate it!
- Wait, wait, wait.
1479
01:26:32,989 --> 01:26:36,834
- So, you'll sign, then?
- I didn't say that, but I'll forget about tonight.
1480
01:26:36,834 --> 01:26:41,357
It looks like we'll have to proceed
with the removal as planned, Mr Bigger.
1481
01:26:41,357 --> 01:26:43,431
I fear so, Mr Roper.
1482
01:26:43,431 --> 01:26:45,988
What removal? Removal?
1483
01:26:45,988 --> 01:26:48,719
Cor, blimey!
Have you ever seen such a horrible one?
1484
01:26:48,719 --> 01:26:50,074
Oh, dear, dear, dear!
1485
01:26:50,074 --> 01:26:52,390
How long have you had a lump like that, Doctor?
1486
01:26:52,390 --> 01:26:55,040
What do you mean, a lump?
I haven't got a lump. Are you mad?
1487
01:26:55,040 --> 01:26:57,190
Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.
1488
01:26:57,190 --> 01:27:00,556
Looks like a severe case
of water in the lower bowel,
1489
01:27:00,556 --> 01:27:03,234
aggravated by wind in the Upper Nile.
1490
01:27:03,234 --> 01:27:05,356
I heartily concur. We'll have to have it off.
1491
01:27:05,356 --> 01:27:08,193
- You mean, have it out?
- Have it out, and have it off.
1492
01:27:08,193 --> 01:27:10,555
- Right, let's go. Scalpel.
- Scalpel.
1493
01:27:10,555 --> 01:27:11,914
- Sharpener.
- Sharpener.
1494
01:27:11,914 --> 01:27:14,798
- What about the anaesthetic?
- Oh, no, I don't think so.
1495
01:27:14,798 --> 01:27:17,553
We want him to enjoy it, don't we?
1496
01:27:17,553 --> 01:27:19,949
- Argh!
- Wait, wait. We forgot to shave him.
1497
01:27:19,949 --> 01:27:22,998
Ah, yes, I'm glad you reminded me.
Most important.
1498
01:27:22,998 --> 01:27:24,593
Let me do that. I used to be a barber.
1499
01:27:24,593 --> 01:27:25,908
- Brush.
- Brush.
1500
01:27:25,908 --> 01:27:27,399
- Lather.
- Lather.
1501
01:27:27,399 --> 01:27:29,072
- Razor.
- Razor.
1502
01:27:30,160 --> 01:27:31,593
No, no, not up there.
1503
01:27:31,593 --> 01:27:34,717
- Down here, where his trouble is.
- Wait a minute. Wait, wait.
1504
01:27:34,717 --> 01:27:37,598
Tinkle, it's your last chance. Will you sign?
1505
01:27:37,598 --> 01:27:39,511
Of course not! Do you think I'm an idiot?
1506
01:27:39,511 --> 01:27:42,876
You wouldn't dare do anything to me,
and you know it.
1507
01:27:42,876 --> 01:27:44,837
Oh, yes, I would.
1508
01:27:44,837 --> 01:27:48,356
Oh, yes. I've got nothing to lose.
I've only got a couple of days to live.
1509
01:27:48,356 --> 01:27:52,638
What are you talking about?
There's nothing wrong with you, you fool!
1510
01:27:52,638 --> 01:27:57,430
Oh, yes, you can say that now, but you only
gave me a week. Don't forget that!
1511
01:27:57,430 --> 01:28:00,717
I said you could only stay in the hospital
for a week.
1512
01:28:00,717 --> 01:28:03,314
- Ye... Eh?
- That's right.
1513
01:28:03,314 --> 01:28:07,188
Doctor Kilmore told me there was nothing
wrong with you except a few bruises
1514
01:28:07,188 --> 01:28:09,555
the day after they brought you in.
1515
01:28:15,400 --> 01:28:18,949
Are you telling me
I married that old bag for nothing?
1516
01:28:18,949 --> 01:28:20,359
Yes!
1517
01:28:21,440 --> 01:28:24,318
Now perhaps you'll stop all this nonsense
and let me up!
1518
01:28:24,318 --> 01:28:25,833
Not on your nelly.
1519
01:28:25,833 --> 01:28:28,036
I'll cut his two-faced...
1520
01:28:28,036 --> 01:28:30,714
Wait, wait a minute. Wait.
1521
01:28:30,714 --> 01:28:32,392
It's no good. He'll never sign.
1522
01:28:32,392 --> 01:28:35,313
Wait a minute. There's just one more chance.
1523
01:28:35,313 --> 01:28:39,996
You're wasting your time.
You can't do anything to frighten me!
1524
01:28:39,996 --> 01:28:43,072
Come on, then. Turn him over on his side.
1525
01:28:45,080 --> 01:28:49,392
- Right.
- No, no, no! I'll sign! I'll sign!
1526
01:28:52,880 --> 01:28:54,029
Doctor, just a minute.
1527
01:28:56,680 --> 01:29:00,150
It's poor Grandad. Oh, that little devil!
1528
01:29:00,150 --> 01:29:01,958
This way.
1529
01:29:01,958 --> 01:29:05,157
Never mind, Grandad. You'll soon have it off.
1530
01:29:05,157 --> 01:29:07,800
- Oh, Doctor?
- Yes, Dr Kilmore?
1531
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:10,599
- I have a casualty for you.
- Oh, yes. Come this way, please.
1532
01:29:10,599 --> 01:29:12,750
I'll attend to it right away.
1533
01:29:12,750 --> 01:29:15,035
Carry on, Doctor.
1534
01:29:15,035 --> 01:29:16,838
And you.
1535
01:29:16,838 --> 01:29:18,876
Goodbye, Mr Barron.
1536
01:29:18,876 --> 01:29:20,791
That's a wonderful baby you've got.
1537
01:29:20,791 --> 01:29:22,279
Yes, isn't he?
1538
01:29:22,279 --> 01:29:25,796
You know, I really think it's been worth
all the suffering, don't you, dear?
1539
01:29:25,796 --> 01:29:29,759
Oh, yes, dear.
We could have another one if you like.
1540
01:29:30,960 --> 01:29:34,589
I think we ought to get home first.
I have to feed baby in an hour.
1541
01:29:34,589 --> 01:29:35,476
Yes.
1542
01:29:35,476 --> 01:29:37,516
- Bye-bye, Doctor.
- Bye, Mr Barron.
1543
01:29:39,440 --> 01:29:42,750
Oh, do you? I do not wish to live
in a nice little flat in Eastbourne.
1544
01:29:42,750 --> 01:29:45,354
- Don't be silly. I know what's best for you.
- Oh, do you?
1545
01:29:45,354 --> 01:29:48,477
No more traipsing round the country
giving silly lectures.
1546
01:29:48,477 --> 01:29:50,437
Silly lectures?!
1547
01:29:50,437 --> 01:29:51,953
- Yes. Rubbish.
- Rubbish?!
1548
01:29:51,953 --> 01:29:56,272
Rubbish, and you know it. The Bigger Way
To Health And Happiness indeed!
1549
01:29:56,272 --> 01:29:59,750
No. A good, steady job, that's what you need.
1550
01:29:59,750 --> 01:30:01,717
- Yes. I know what you need.
- What was that?
1551
01:30:01,717 --> 01:30:02,994
- Nothing.
- What?
1552
01:30:02,994 --> 01:30:06,117
- Nothing!
- Why shout?
1553
01:30:07,160 --> 01:30:10,436
Oh, I'm sorry. She will definitely have to go.
1554
01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:15,435
What now?
1555
01:30:15,435 --> 01:30:19,513
Oh, I've done my back! My back, it's agony!
1556
01:30:19,513 --> 01:30:21,716
- It is agony.
- Well, I told you to mind the step.
1557
01:30:21,716 --> 01:30:23,631
Hurts a bit, does it, Mr Bigger?
1558
01:30:23,631 --> 01:30:25,870
Yes. Oh, it's agony!
1559
01:30:25,870 --> 01:30:28,076
I shall be here for months.
1560
01:30:29,240 --> 01:30:31,196
With any luck.
1561
01:30:32,080 --> 01:30:34,000
Captioned by Grantman Brown