1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,000 Dear friends... 4 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:58,320 Think it. Think it. It's all here. 5 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,560 The triumph of mind over matter. 6 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:06,040 What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. 7 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,120 It's THINKING that counts. 8 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,520 Your way to health and to happiness. 9 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,920 Now my friends... 10 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:20,960 I want you to look... at this woman. 11 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:26,120 You won't believe it, but for many years this poor creature... 12 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,440 has suffered from loss of hearing. 13 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,000 Or in technical terms, mutt and jeffness. 14 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:38,600 Medicine could do nothing for her. The doctors gave her up. 15 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,640 That's right, dear, isn't it? 16 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,840 Chloe...! 17 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,680 They - gave - you - up. ..Yes. 18 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,640 Not surprising. 19 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:55,680 For years I had suffered from loss of hearing. 20 00:02:55,680 --> 00:03:01,640 The doctors could do nothing for me. That's right, dear, yes. 21 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:06,200 Then I had the good fortune to meet Mr Bigger. 22 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:10,520 He taught me the power of thought. 23 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:17,840 He showed me that the mind was stronger than the body. That is enough! 24 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:30,400 And now, while my assistant passes amongst you with the collection box... 25 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:35,400 for purely travelling expenses, of course... No cheques, please... 26 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,000 I will deliver my final message. 27 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,480 You will be amazed! 28 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:49,560 Look at me. I don't need doctors... or medicine. And nor will you... 29 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:58,520 if you just think...nothing! Nothing can happen to me. And believe me... 30 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,160 Nothing will. 31 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,680 (GROANS) 32 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:23,960 Hurts, does it, sir? Oh, no! I'm just doing this to while away the journey. 33 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,360 Oh, no, no! 34 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,400 Oh! Ah! Oh! 35 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,400 Blimey, he's in a hurry! 36 00:04:55,680 --> 00:05:03,400 Come on, nurse. Just a quick one, while Sister's out of the ward. Dr Tinkle says it's bad for you. 37 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:10,840 But I've been smoking for years. Give us a kiss then. That's even worse for you! 38 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:15,760 You can take your medicine. I bet you can too. 39 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:38,080 Again? I've never known a bloke go that often! You're just jealous. 40 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,240 Fosdick Ward, Nurse Clarke... Bed 3. 41 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,280 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 42 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:57,080 Aren't I going to see a doctor? We must get our clothes off and get into bed first, mustn't we? 43 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,160 We? Madam, I have an affliction! 44 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,840 That will do, nurse! 45 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,160 Sister's coming! 46 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,560 Evening, Sister. 47 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:29,560 All right. On to the bed, please, Mr Bigger. I can't! Every movement is agony. 48 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,720 Come along. 49 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:38,240 Be a big, brave boy. I've got a painsy wainsy in my botty-wotty. 50 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:45,600 Come along. What...mind...wh...och... Leave it alone. I'll do it myself. 51 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,360 Ooh...eh... 52 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:56,080 More comfortable? No. Oi, there's something moving about under my... It's trying to...ohh... 53 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:04,240 He's on my hand, Sister. Thank goodness for that. Get his things off, nurse. 54 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:11,920 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I don't want my things off. Get Matron... What are you doing? 55 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,840 I'm not being exposed by you! So now then. 56 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:57,520 Mr Biddle. Oh, evening, Matron. 57 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,400 WHAT are you doing out here? 58 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:06,440 I've just been to the whatnot. I can go myself now. Yes... 59 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:12,560 But three times in an hour! I didn't know you was keepin' the score. 60 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:19,600 I think we'd better look at Mr Biddle's bladder. Oh...it was the other. 61 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,640 I couldn't go. 62 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:27,240 Then we must make it easier for you. Double the dose, Sister. 63 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,480 Oh, no! 64 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:33,040 Back to your ward. Hurry along. 65 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,200 Ooh, you might've cut your nails. 66 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,840 Well, will you take them off then? No, I will not. Don't. 67 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:47,920 Don't be a silly boy! I'm not! What's going on here, Nurse? 68 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:55,720 He won't let me take his underpants off, the silly boy. I'm not a boy, as you'll find out. 69 00:09:55,720 --> 00:10:01,600 Come now, we don't want to lie with our nasty old pants on, do we? 70 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:06,160 Madam, what you do in your bed is your own affair. 71 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:10,520 Mr Bigger, all patients MUST wear pyjamas. 72 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:15,200 Look, I'm not letting a chit of a girl... 73 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,360 ME...a fully mature male animal. 74 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,400 Mr Bigger... All right, Sister. 75 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,480 I'll handle this. 76 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,720 I'm not a chit of a girl, Mr Bigger. 77 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,400 Well, YOU said it. 78 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:33,360 Very well then. Aaaeeow! 79 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:36,080 Eeeugh... 80 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,440 That wasn't so bad, was it? 81 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,760 Well...they were a present. 82 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:48,240 I can understand your reluctance to part with them. 83 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,240 All right, nurse, put his bedgown on. 84 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:58,200 I understand you have an acute pain in the region of the posterior. 85 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,360 Ooh, yes. 86 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:05,720 Could you be a little more specific, Mr Bigger? Where, exactly? 87 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:13,160 It's in the same place as everybody else's posterior. I was referring to the pain. 88 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,760 All right. It's down here... Oh, gawd! 89 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:22,280 That's far enough. I'll take it from there, cheeky. 90 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,360 Has the Houseman seen him yet? No, Matron. Why not? 91 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,480 Who's the Houseman on duty? Erm... It's Dr Kilmore, Matron. 92 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,320 That explains it. 93 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,440 Would you like me to go and fetch him, Matron? 94 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:38,680 You may as well. Dr Tinkle will see him tomorrow. No experiments now... 95 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:44,080 I'm not a guinea pig. No, Mr Bigger. More like...a hamster. 96 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,200 Oh...hmmm... 97 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:59,680 Have you been smoking, Mr Roper? 98 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:14,080 'And so a great hospital swings into action. 99 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:19,080 'Doctors, nurses and orderlies working round the clock. 100 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:24,240 'Dedicated, and apparently without any emotions. 101 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:28,800 'But appearances can be deceptive. 102 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:33,720 'There is high drama beneath the placid surface. 103 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:41,360 'A thousand passions and loves surge and tremble beneath the starched bosoms.' 104 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:48,920 (THINKS) Please, please, don't let me blush. 105 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:58,960 I can't think of anything more perfect than this night... and you and me. You look stunning. 106 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,520 Breathlessly beautiful. 107 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,480 I've never seen such a lovely... 108 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,040 Not bad. 109 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:11,640 Not bad at all. Now what do I say? 110 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,760 Ah...yes. I don't know what it is... 111 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:20,760 but somehow you're different to all the other girls. 112 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,040 May I? 113 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,920 May I take your coat? 114 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,320 Ah... What a beautiful neck. 115 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,080 Quite irresistible. 116 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:39,680 Forgive me. I just had to do that. 117 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:47,240 Doctor? Please, darling... Just call me Jim. Dr Kilmore? Oh...Nurse Clarke. 118 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,400 A casualty in Fosdick. Good. 119 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:04,880 Doctor will be here in a moment. I should hope so. 120 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:11,280 I could be lying here with my life ebbing away. You never can tell. 121 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:16,200 One moment you're here, the next...phutt! 122 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,320 I think he's phutted already. 123 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,040 What you in here for? 124 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:28,240 Just a pain in the back. Ohh...cor...dear! 125 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:36,400 The last bloke in that bed had the same thing. Did he? Right up to the end. That's cheery. 126 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:41,080 One thing...it's a nice warm bed. 127 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:45,800 Should be. They only took him out half an hour ago. 128 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,400 This must be where they keep the coal. 129 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,080 Ah-h-h. 130 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,400 Ohhhh... How do you do? 131 00:14:55,400 --> 00:15:01,680 So you're still with us. Well... don't let me keep you conscious. 132 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:05,680 Is this your first? Pardon? 133 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,840 Is this your first? First? First what? 134 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,560 Baby. Eh! 135 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,560 It's the first time for me. 136 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:20,520 Never again, though. Never ag... 137 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,040 (Is he really going to have a baby?) 138 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:39,320 No, his wife is! When she told him, he collapsed, and he's been here ever since. 139 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:44,400 Don't let them tell you having one is easy. 140 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,000 I'm having a terrible time. Terr... 141 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:54,240 He should be in the Paternity Ward. It's a madhouse! You'll get used to it. 142 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,440 You're lucky. You've got Kilmore. 143 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:04,560 Yeah, but wait till old Tinkle comes round. Cor! Tinkle? The Registrar. 144 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,720 He's a B. Knows his job, though. 145 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,120 So does the hangman. 146 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,000 Ha-ha-ha (!) 147 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,840 Oh! I'm terribly sorry, Matron. 148 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:25,960 That's another thermometer gone, Doctor. You can use it on people who are a bit round the bend. 149 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:32,960 This hospital isn't big enough for both of us. Oh, you're not THAT big, Matron. 150 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:40,320 Oh! Er, you have a casualty for me? Nothing serious, or I wouldn't have sent for you. 151 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:47,320 She doesn't like me. She doesn't like anybody. I didn't bump into her on purpose. 152 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,080 What's your trouble? My appendix. 153 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,920 Appendix? What about your leg? 154 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:05,720 Oh, that happened when I fell off the operating table. Cheers! 155 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:17,080 Did you wish to go somewhere, Mr Biddle? 156 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,560 I did, but you frightened me out of it. 157 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:28,000 Doctor, Mr Biddle keeps wandering around the corridor. It's good for him to get about. 158 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:35,000 So long as he keeps well away from other wards, of course. I will, doc. 159 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:39,440 Right. Good evening, I'm Dr Kilmore. 160 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:47,120 And about time too. If this is the NHS, take me back to the leeches. I'm sorry, Mr... 161 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:51,760 Bigger, Doctor... Mr Francis Bigger. Francis Bigger? 162 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:59,480 You must be the chap who goes around saying doctors are unnecessary! 163 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,680 Well, I didn't exactly say that! 164 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,080 You see, I deal with the mind. 165 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,880 Yes. 166 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:14,240 If one thinks that nothing will happen to one... What went wrong? 167 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,360 I must have stopped thinking for the moment. 168 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:25,640 Let's have a look at you. Turn over, please. I can't! Help him, Sister. 169 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:32,920 Ohh, hang on a sec. My thing's caught. Pardon ?! My stethoscope is stuck. Oooh! 170 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,760 Hurts, does it? Just a whimsy. 171 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:41,600 Mmm...yes, there's quite a bit of bruising there. 172 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:49,320 You landed on your coccyx. I fell on my back! It is at the base of your spine. 173 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:53,960 Really? I don't think it's fractured. 174 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,440 We'll X-ray it tomorrow. X-ray? 175 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,400 Why? It's just a precaution, Mr Bigger. 176 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:08,480 I bet you say that to all the girls. Will you be able to sleep? Of course. 177 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:15,760 I'll give you a jab to kill the pain. If you'll just turn over... Not again! 178 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,560 Thank you, Nurse. 179 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:24,240 Sorry, Sister. Now, this isn't going to hurt. 180 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,080 Aaagggh! 181 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,920 Ohhhh... 182 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,600 What...? Who? Good morning. 183 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:58,000 Oh, good morning. I'm afraid I've overslept. 184 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,360 What time is it? Six o'clock. 185 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,840 Six o'clock...in the morning? 186 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,360 Yes. Did you have a good night? 187 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:11,080 I'll let you know when it's over. Under the tongue. Mouth closed. 188 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,720 Nurse, have you any news? 189 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,400 No, your baby hasn't arrived yet. 190 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,600 Oh, no! It should have done. I've been having the vapours. 191 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,080 Don't tell me: wet and windy. 192 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,440 You're quite normal, Mr Bigger. 193 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:33,160 Well, I shan't be much longer. Is it all right if I finish my sleep? 194 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,440 By all means. 195 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,480 Sleep's good for you. 196 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,320 Tea up! 197 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,480 Tea. 198 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,680 Eurghh! That's not what I would call it. 199 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,400 Washie time! Look, I don't want washie time. 200 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,520 I wouldn't put that in my mouth. It might explode. 201 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,640 I hope not. Matron doesn't approve of banging. 202 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,840 Right, Mr Roper. 203 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:37,000 Don't tell me it's gone up again. Oh, I'm afraid so. 204 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,560 I don't understand it. I just don't. 205 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:47,600 There. That's better. Yes. I've been looking forward to that all night. 206 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,800 Good morning. 207 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,840 (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS) 208 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,520 Cow! 209 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,440 I dreamt about you last night. Did you? 210 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,480 No, you wouldn't let me. 211 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,960 Morning. Ooooh! 212 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:37,040 Try and use it, Mr Bigger. Thank you. It's just what I needed. 213 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,320 No! Stop messing about! I beg your pardon? 214 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,680 We must do this again sometime. 215 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,480 I must congratulate you, Hardcastle. 216 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,520 You did a beautiful job. 217 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:12,240 The chap might even live, providing you took the right one out! 218 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,800 I'm glad you enjoyed it, Dr Tinkle. 219 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,680 Thank you for doing the sewing up for me. 220 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:22,400 Quite a neat job, that. Yes, it was. I used a running chain stitch. 221 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,960 Really? Hm. Much more decorative. 222 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,000 Is that so? 223 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:33,200 I just don't seem to be able to handle a needle myself. I don't know why. 224 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,920 Allow me. Oh, that's very kind of you. 225 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,400 Thank you very much. I'll get changed now, then. 226 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,280 Yes. Get the old butcher's apron off, eh? 227 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,280 Oh. Good morning, Dr Tinkle. Matron, how are you? 228 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:53,640 Very well, thank you. And you? Fine. But don't let's talk shop! 229 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,920 Anything interesting come in? 230 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,200 Only a man with an injured back. 231 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:03,160 Dr Kilmore had to treat him. Never mind, we may save the poor chap yet! 232 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,400 I'll see him later, after I've cleaned up. 233 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,920 I didn't know you were assisting Mr Hardcastle. 234 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:15,760 You know how it is. Surgeons are all right for a quick slash and a fast grope round, 235 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,920 but a doctor's needed for the cleaning up. 236 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,120 Oh, how right you are, Doctor. 237 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:25,720 (THINKS) What a wonderful man you are! Oh, I love you! 238 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,040 (THINKS) Oh, how I love you! 239 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:37,000 Well, I'll be off now. Have you the right time, Doctor? Yes, it's...where's my watch? 240 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:44,680 You must've taken it off. No, I had it on when I started to sew that fellow... Oh, no! 241 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:49,760 It was an alarm too. All right, Sister. Wheel him back. 242 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:55,000 Morning, all. Did you hear about the pregnant bed-bug? No. 243 00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:03,440 She's having a baby in the spring. What happened to Mind Over Matter? It was too noisy for him in here. 244 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:11,160 Couldn't hear himself think, eh? Hello, Ken. I'd like a word, doc... Alone, if you don't mind. 245 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,320 Oh, pardon me. Have you done with the bottle? Yeah, get the money back on it. 246 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:25,920 What's the problem? Well... Do you have anything to do with the women in here? Never mind! 247 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:31,000 I mean in the women's wards. Oh, I see. No, no. Why? 248 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:35,840 Could you slip a little note to one of them? 249 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:43,560 Mr Biddle, you're asking me to break hospital rules. "No fraternisation..." 250 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:50,680 I don't want to get fraternal with her, doc. All right. Thanks, Doc. 251 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:57,880 End of the corridor... third bed on the left. Right. No, left. Right. 252 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,440 Why do I have to be moved, Matron? 253 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:09,960 I understand one of the male patients has been bothering you. 254 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:16,720 It doesn't bother me, Matron. It bothers me. This is a hospital. 255 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:31,080 Well, well, and how are we this morning? Excuth me... 256 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,640 That's better. Yes, it is. 257 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,640 Did you want to examine me, Doctor? Oh, no, no. 258 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:48,680 I just brought a note in for you. A note? Oh, I say. 259 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,600 Fancy someone sending me a note. Yes, fancy. 260 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,160 Ooh, yes! That's a very good one. 261 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,280 Wouldn't you agree, Matron? 262 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,600 I've seldom seen a better appendectomy scar. 263 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:05,960 There's one thing I don't get. Why have I got two other scars? 264 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:12,520 An appendix is smaller than a golf ball. You know how difficult they are to find sometimes! 265 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,880 The stitches can come out today. 266 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:20,280 How long's that cast been on? Eight days. Then it's high time you had it off. 267 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,600 I've been lying here thinking the same thing. 268 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,680 Well, Mr Smith, how is it today? 269 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,720 Still very sore, Doctor. 270 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,360 You should have had it done years ago. Ooh! 271 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,080 Hello. Hello. 272 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,240 Ooh! Oh, I thought you were a man. 273 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:59,560 Sorry to disappoint you. I'm Nurse Clarke. This is my room. 274 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:07,120 I've just arrived...Sandra May... and I've to share with you. Glad to have you. 275 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:13,880 Are you a trainee? Yes, I've to report to Fosdick Ward. 276 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:19,360 Will Dr Tinkle be there? Do you know him? 277 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,920 Know him! 278 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:29,480 Just look. "To darling Sandra, my first case." That's me. How nice. 279 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:34,480 He saved my life. He's terrific. He's a life-giving doll. 280 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:38,520 Temperature 106? Have you been reading Playboy again? 281 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,680 I'm a sick man. Rubbish. In ten weeks, I can find nothing wrong with you. 282 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,760 If you don't know your job... Ridiculous! 283 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,680 With a temperature of 106, you're dead. Well, bury me! 284 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:55,760 It's a very puzzling case, Doctor. It's an enigma, Matron. An enigma. 285 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,400 I am not having another one of those! 286 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,040 I am determined to kill it or cure it. 287 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:05,080 I want a blood pressure test, a barium test, brain scan, 288 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,120 chest and stomach X-rays, 289 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,800 saliva, blood and urine analyses. 290 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,440 What was all that? 291 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,480 And syringe his ears out. 292 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:21,560 Is nobody in that bed? That was Mr Bigger. He's in X-ray. Oh. 293 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,200 Thank you. 294 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,640 Right, Nurse. Undo his gown, please. 295 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,560 Right, smile, please! 296 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,840 Smile? What with? 297 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:59,280 Oh! Sorry. Force of habit. I was a top portrait photographer. 298 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:03,000 Did you? Well, you've reached the bottom now. 299 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,760 All right. Let's see those dimples. 300 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,560 Aaarrrggh! Urgh! 301 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,560 Oh, dear. There goes another tube. 302 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:29,880 What about that then? What? 303 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,120 Cor! 304 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:49,280 Aaagh! 305 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,920 Ohhhhh! 306 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,000 What are you doing down there? 307 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,760 Waiting for a number seven bus. 308 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,640 Not now! 309 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,360 Cor! 310 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:15,520 I'm Nurse May. I was told to report here, Sister. 311 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,400 Hi! 312 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,640 (EXPLOSION) 313 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,400 Oh, no, you don't! I saw that film. 314 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,640 I thought you'd like to smell it. Mm! Lovely! 315 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:42,240 That's different. You have to be careful. They stuff you full of everything. 316 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:46,440 A lady just brought them for you. Would you like to see her? 317 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:51,520 Oh, all right, I might as well. Come on, then. Up you sit. Ooh! Arrgh! 318 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,920 You can come in now, Miss Gibson. Huh! 319 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,920 Hello, dear. Nice of you to come. 320 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,960 Nice of you to come. 321 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,280 Sit down. Sit down! 322 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,160 I thought I'd just pop in to cheer you up. 323 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,520 Yes, it was a nice thought, dear. 324 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,560 Nice thought! Yes. 325 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,000 Oh, Mr Bigger! Oh, blimey! 326 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,960 It's all right, dear. All right. 327 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,240 Oh, Mr Bigger! 328 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,240 Uh, that's all I need! 329 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,280 (WAILS) 330 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:31,920 This is Mr Bigger, Doctor. 331 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,600 How do you do? I'm Dr Tinkle, the senior physician. 332 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:40,160 I'm glad you've come. I am in agony, what with my back and her. 333 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:44,320 (SOBS) 334 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:49,120 Oh, shut up! I'll examine you and we'll soon find out what's wrong. 335 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,960 Would you wait outside? 336 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,600 I'm afraid she's a bit mutt, Doctor. 337 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:58,680 She'll have to go. I've been saying that for years. Chloe! 338 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:04,600 You'll have to wait outside. Outside, wait! This way. 339 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,520 I'll see if Mr Bigger's X-ray is ready. 340 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:14,920 Turn over. Much more of this and I'll have the best-known backside in town. 341 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,760 Slight bruising. No bleeding. Good. 342 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,200 Just like the service round here. 343 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,360 Aaargh! Did that hurt? Course it did! Good! 344 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,680 Here is the X-ray of the posterior area. 345 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,800 It's a bit fuzzy, I'm afraid. 346 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:35,080 So would yours be if a contrivance had exploded all over it. 347 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:45,320 No spinal damage. Slight curvature, perhaps. Mr Bigger, did you have any weaknesses as a boy? 348 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:52,880 Pardon? Did you have any weaknesses? Er... Do I have to answer that? Yes. 349 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:58,880 Well... I used to like pinching little girls' yo-yos. 350 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:03,920 With your back, I meant. Oh... Ah... Why? 351 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:08,080 A slight curvature, that's all. That's all! 352 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:13,040 It's too late to do anything about it. Too late? 353 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:20,960 It's past treatment. You might as well go home. Go home? With my poor back! 354 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:26,720 There's nothing we can do about it, Mr Bigger. Nothing? 355 00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:34,560 Dr Tinkle is a brilliant physician. If he says nothing can be done, you can be sure he is right. 356 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:47,680 But there must be something! We can't waste time on idiots with simple bruises on backsides. 357 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:52,760 I quite agree, Doctor. Is Mr Bigger all right? 358 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,120 Are you his next-of-kin? Pardon? 359 00:34:56,120 --> 00:35:01,840 Are you his NEXT-OF-KIN? Not yet. What do you mean? 360 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:07,000 We've had a sort of understanding for the past 11 years. 361 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,680 I'm kind of on the verge, you know. 362 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:15,800 I have a right to know what's wrong. 363 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:23,480 I'm most glad to know that everything's all right. Could he stay for a few weeks? 364 00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:31,160 Sorry, Madam, we need the beds. Yes, but poor Mr Bigger has been working so hard... 365 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:37,320 He needs the rest. And he would be paying for it. All right. 366 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:45,400 But, Miss Gibson, I can only give him a week at the most. 367 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:50,560 Only a week! I'm very sorry, but that's the way it is. 368 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,320 A week! 369 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,480 A week at the most! 370 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,440 Oooooh... 371 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:12,560 The trouble nowadays, Matron, is we're breeding a race of weaklings. 372 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:20,120 No emotional stamina. Fortunately, there are one or two of us left who can still c... 373 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,520 That girl! What is she doing here? Which girl? 374 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,280 The nurse in the sluice room. 375 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,920 There's no-one in the sluice room, Doctor. 376 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:39,360 Are you all right, Doctor? Am I all right? Of course I'm all right. 377 00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:44,360 All right? Yes. Why shouldn't I be all right? 378 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,520 Yes. I'm fine. 379 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,680 Doctor! Doctor! 380 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,800 Crikey! What have I done? 381 00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:37,760 Here comes the poor bleedin' visitors. 382 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:43,280 I don't know who to feel more sorry for. Them or the poor muckers they're visiting. 383 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,000 Wotcher, Ken. Hello, Fred, mate. 384 00:37:55,000 --> 00:38:00,040 How's it going? I got the old plaster off. Oh, good. 385 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,720 Well... Well... 386 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,720 So, you're all right then, eh? Good. 387 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,560 Well, here I am again, dear. 388 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:22,400 How are you feeling? Not too good, Mildred. 389 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:27,920 I can't seem to keep anything down. Oh, what a shame. 390 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:34,000 Never mind, dear, it won't be long now. Oh, Mildred... 391 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:40,920 I WILL be all right after the baby comes, won't I? Of course, my dear. 392 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:45,320 I've brought you a nice bottle of Eau de Cologne. 393 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:50,760 I'll rub some on your forehead. Thank you, dear. It might help. 394 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:56,080 Well... So you're going on all right then. Good...good. 395 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,960 Well, mustn't overstay my welcome. 396 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,400 Fred, will you do something for me? Sure. 397 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:09,360 There's a bird... Ho! You ARE feeling better, aren't you! 398 00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:14,400 She was in the third bed on the left, but they've moved her. 399 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:19,960 What does she look like? She's got close-cropped hair, hazel eyes... 400 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:24,880 A fair complexion... Very fair. Leave it to me. 401 00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:28,080 The expert in cherchay la femme. 402 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,280 Hello. 403 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:38,880 You're late. I got you some lovely grapes. Aah! 404 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:45,200 Blimey, not again! I don't like grapes. They're good for you. 405 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,520 How's it feel? It's sore as hell. 406 00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:55,200 I shouldn't have had it done, not at MY age. But that lump! 407 00:39:55,200 --> 00:40:02,040 It was getting bigger and bigger all the time...showing through your clothes! 408 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:10,240 I found her! Right down the end, on the right. 409 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:15,240 Will I give her a message? No, I'll talk to her myself. 410 00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:21,320 Get them to move you into the next bed. Highly comical. 411 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:25,400 'Ere, did she have any visitors? No. 412 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:29,440 I got an idea. Pull them curtains across, Fred. 413 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:36,280 Well, how long ARE you gonna be here? I said I don't know! 414 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:41,360 They don't know what's wrong with me. I know. You're bone lazy. 415 00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:48,600 You're supposed to cheer me up. What do YOU need cheering up about? 416 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,280 Being waited on hand and foot. 417 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:56,240 Look! I'm all run down. I've been working too hard. 418 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:59,880 You haven't done a stroke of work for three years. 419 00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:08,160 Is it my fault the Labour couldn't find me a job? As a hansom cab lamp-fitter? 420 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:15,760 Well, I'm a craftsman. What about me and the kids? You never give a thought to us. 421 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:23,760 How you expect me to cope on the money you bring home from the dole, I'll never know. 422 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:29,800 I've hardly been able to go to the bingo at all this week. 423 00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,560 Only three times, that's all. 424 00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:42,640 Oh, Nurse, it is all right for me to visit Mr Bigger? Certainly. 425 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:47,160 Would you like me to put those in water for you? 426 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:54,920 Thank you. Mr Bigger's very fond of chrysanthemums. He's never without a pot by his bed. 427 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:44,600 Hello. Have you been discharged? No. But I had to get to talk to you somehow. 428 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:51,440 Just say I'm your husband. I haven't got a husband. Neither have I. 429 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:58,440 ..A wife, I mean. Oh, I brought these for you. Oh, thank you. 430 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,440 They're lovely. Not bad. 431 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:06,120 They're the best I could knock off, anyway. 432 00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:10,120 My name's Ken...Ken Biddle. Mine's Mavis... 433 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:15,120 Don't laugh... Mavis Winkle. I should've brought a pin. 434 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,960 Do you like it here? Well, it's very nice, really. 435 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:24,960 Yeah, it's not too bad, I suppose. Do you come here often? 436 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:31,840 Wait a minute! Dear Chloe...poor old soul. 437 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:37,800 Chloe... I haven't treated you very well over the years. 438 00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:45,320 You mustn't say that, Mr Bigger. I told you at the start I would not accept a salary. 439 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:50,360 I could have offered you one. I'll come back tomorrow. 440 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:58,160 Chloe, I'm going to make it up to you somehow, if it's the last thing I do. 441 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,840 Oh, Mr Bigger. 442 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,160 Chloe, would you give me a kiss? 443 00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:10,160 Why, Mr Bigger... You've never asked me to do that before. 444 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:25,600 Mr Biddle? No. I mean, yes. Sister says you've got to have this. What is it? Castor oil. 445 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,360 All of it, Mr Biddle. 446 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,160 There's a good boy. 447 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,720 Enjoying yourself? 448 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:47,200 Sounds like you had an accident. 449 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:54,240 What with her stayin' out half the night...comin' home smellin' of drink... 450 00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:56,800 Not that you care. Oh, no. Just so long as you get your beer. 451 00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,760 (BELL) 452 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,920 Well, time's up. I'd better go. 453 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:08,400 Will you be able to come again? I don't have anybody to visit me. 454 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:14,760 Just try and stop me. Look after yourself. And you. Bye. 455 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,320 Bye. 456 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,280 Mr Biddle! 457 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,680 All visitors out, please. 458 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,360 Come on, Fred...quick, out! 459 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:55,280 ..overflowed again and come right through the ceiling. 460 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:59,160 I've begged you to fix that flush... (BELL) 461 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:03,080 But the house could fall down... Time's up. 462 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:08,280 Already? I haven't told you about... It'll keep. 463 00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:14,520 You'll be back tomorrow? No, I'm going to the dogs. You can say that again. 464 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,560 I'd better be off then. Ahh. 465 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:23,080 We got through them grapes, didn't we? We did. 466 00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:27,480 I'll bring you some more tomorrow. 467 00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:38,800 Is it time, Sister? Yes, I'm afraid it is. 468 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:45,760 Too bad. Looks like you'll have to go, Fred. You're not kidding! 469 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,120 Good evening. 470 00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,080 Oh, hi! 471 00:46:56,080 --> 00:47:03,120 Oh, what a lovely-looking pear. You took the words right out of my mouth. 472 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,560 Oh! 473 00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:21,440 I'm most terribly sorry. That's quite all right. It was my...my...fault. 474 00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:27,560 No, I wasn't looking. Is something the matter? 475 00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:34,800 I was looking for Dr Tinkle's room. Oh, that's the second floor up. 476 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,240 It's the second door on the left. 477 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:40,600 Oh, thanks. 478 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,600 You're so sweet. Yes, I am. 479 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:49,560 Wait a minute! You're not allowed up there. 480 00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:54,440 Female staff must not enter male staff rooms. 481 00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,680 (KNOCK ON DOOR) What is it? 482 00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:11,920 Oh! 483 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:19,760 Kenneth, darling, are you all right? Yes. YOU! Then it WAS you in the sluice room! 484 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,680 I was hoping it was hallucinations. Lucy who? 485 00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:28,720 You must get out of here at once. But I only just got here. 486 00:48:28,720 --> 00:48:36,360 It's not safe. Somebody might come in. You always think of everything. 487 00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,600 No, no. You can't stay here! 488 00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:43,920 But I came to repay my debt. What debt? 489 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,000 'You saved my life.' 490 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:58,560 You only had tonsillitis. You can't kid me. 491 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:05,440 You visited me every night for months! That was professional courtesy. 492 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:08,880 You kept giving me the kiss of life. 493 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:13,840 But, even so... You don't OWE me anything! 494 00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,560 You get it for nothing! 495 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:24,200 Well, what about my "cute little tibia" and my "beautiful enlarged glands"? 496 00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:28,240 Dr Kilmore... Dr Kilmore... 497 00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:33,760 Dr Kilmore, why are you listening at Dr Tinkle's door? What was that? 498 00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:41,640 Why are you listening at Dr Tinkle's door? I...er... heard a deathwatch beetle. 499 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,840 We'd better inform him, then. No, no. 500 00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:53,880 Will you kindly open that door and leave my room! No. Not till you say you love me. Very well. 501 00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:56,680 Stand aside, please. No. 502 00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,080 Very well. 503 00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,160 Ohh! 504 00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:15,160 Dr Tinkle! I'd never have believed it! Matron, let me explain. 505 00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:23,200 She's crazy! That's not true! I love him. You do? Yes. She must be crazy. 506 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:26,160 I'll deal with you in the morning. 507 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:33,160 I don't care what you do. Without him, I don't want to go on living. 508 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,480 See? She's absolutely crazy. Bluebeard! 509 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:43,560 Doctor, you'll back me up, won't you? What is it? 510 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,640 What a cute little tibia you have. 511 00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,320 (SIREN) 512 00:50:56,360 --> 00:51:02,440 Here we are, sonny. I've told him a thousand times. 513 00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,520 They was playing soldiers. 514 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:07,920 He must've been a Jerry! 515 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:22,160 Poor little fellow. What about his poor grandad? He's bedridden, and relies on that. 516 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:27,360 Morning, Matron. Good morning. Er...about last night. 517 00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:34,920 I don't think we should discuss that, Dr Tinkle. I agree. It's best forgotten. 518 00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:42,640 I have suspended Nurse May, and confined her to her room. Perhaps you should dismiss her. 519 00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:51,200 The Hospital Committee will decide. Oh, we don't need to bother with them, do we? 520 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:56,680 They will want to know what she was doing in your room. 521 00:51:56,680 --> 00:52:02,640 Oh, come on. Can't it just be our little secret, eh? 522 00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:06,440 Dr Kilmore saw it too, remember? 523 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:15,560 Yes, but I'm sure we can find a way of fixing him... Well, I don't want to jeopardise your position, Doctor. 524 00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:22,640 Of course not, Matron. Perhaps we could discuss this over dinner tonight? 525 00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,520 Oh, that would be rather nice. 526 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:32,920 The pleasure would be all mine, Matron. Well, I am sure you won't be disappointed. 527 00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:39,520 Young chickens may be soft and tender, but older birds have more on them. True. 528 00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:42,400 And take a lot more stuffing. 529 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:48,720 Thank you, Doctor. It won't happen again. Here's your helmet. 530 00:52:48,720 --> 00:52:53,720 We've got to get that back to his poor grandad. 531 00:52:55,600 --> 00:53:00,960 Ah, Nurse Clarke. Just the person I wanted to see. Oh? What about? 532 00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:06,080 It's about the girl you share a room with. Nurse May? 533 00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:12,080 Could you keep an eye on her? There are enough people doing that! 534 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:16,360 Last night, she was very emotionally upset. 535 00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:22,640 She seemed all right when I left her. She may do something silly. 536 00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:25,720 You don't mean...? 537 00:53:25,720 --> 00:53:30,640 Surely not, Doctor. Anything can happen in a hospital, Nurse. 538 00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:35,480 You done it on purpose! 539 00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,720 Oh, no. 540 00:53:36,720 --> 00:53:42,320 Little swine! He dropped it just as I stepped off the kerb. 541 00:53:42,720 --> 00:53:45,720 I don't really need that, Nurse. 542 00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:52,320 Please, Mr Roper. Dr Tinkle wants a specimen for analysis. 543 00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,920 He does, does he? 544 00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:27,520 Some of these patients, Matron... We're being far too easy on them. I quite agree, Doctor. 545 00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:34,640 Still tripping down the corridor, Mr Biddle? Yes, Doctor. I'm enjoying... 546 00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:39,600 You're not here to enjoy yourself! He is confined to bed! 547 00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:48,200 Good morning, Mr Smith. Doctor... Ah, yes. We'll have those stitches out today. 548 00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:53,320 Will I have an anaesthetic? Certainly not! Won't it hurt? 549 00:54:53,320 --> 00:55:00,400 Yes. Next time you consider having a lump, think twice about it. 550 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:08,160 Mr Roper... Temperature 4 degrees BELOW normal today. I can't understand that at all. 551 00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:13,160 Perhaps the tea was cold this morning. What? 552 00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:20,120 We must endeavour to keep it down with ice-water baths... every four hours. 553 00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:23,720 Ice-water? Day and night! 554 00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:33,120 Ah, Mr Barron... The psychologist thinks you're suffering from a sympathetic pregnancy. 555 00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:36,080 No, Doctor, I'm just having a baby. 556 00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:43,120 He says you're feeling all the ill-effects of a mother-to-be. Yes. 557 00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:50,000 Since you've insisted on assuming the role of a mother, 558 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:55,480 I'd like you to attend all the pre-natal exercise classes. 559 00:55:55,480 --> 00:56:02,400 I'd better see Mr Wrigley. Very well, Doctor. Sit up, please. 560 00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:16,720 I still don't like the look of him. 561 00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:19,680 Eeuch! 562 00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:25,800 How are you, Mr Bigger? Doctor, I've got a green tongue. 563 00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:33,680 Oh, how are your bowels? I haven't looked. A good big dose for you this evening, Mr Bigger. 564 00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:41,200 Back still painful? Oh, yes. Never mind, it's only a question of time. 565 00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,720 Well, you're not going to be with us for long. 566 00:56:45,720 --> 00:56:53,640 You'll be measuring me up for my coffin next. Oh, I don't think so. 567 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:57,720 No. I shall be lucky to get an old tea-chest. 568 00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:04,960 Matron, I think we'll try a bit of traction on Mr Bigger. 569 00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:10,200 A bit of what? Just heavy weights designed to stretch you. 570 00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:16,320 Is this the Spanish Inquisition? I'd rather lie here and shrivel. 571 00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:19,720 It's a very effective treatment. 572 00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:23,280 Look, I don't... Effective? 573 00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,560 You mean...I might even live? 574 00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:33,320 I'm sure you will. Nobody's died of it yet. Well, get your tractor out! 575 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:59,880 It's Mr Roper's. Ah, the temperature king. Let's see. 576 00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:11,920 I may be wrong, Nurse, but I think Mr Roper is producing neat Scotch. 577 00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:15,680 This is very interesting. 578 00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:26,440 Dr Kilmore! 579 00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:29,640 What is it? Look! Where? 580 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:36,280 Oh, good grief! No, Sand... Don't shout at her. 581 00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:43,880 That's the worst thing you can do. What, then? We must reason with her. Come on. 582 00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:22,640 Which room? That one. 583 00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:27,040 It's locked. The roof...quick! 584 01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:04,480 Aaaggh! 585 01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:06,840 OK. It's only me. 586 01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:10,200 Go away, you dirty Peeping Tom! 587 01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:15,040 No, no, you see... I thought you were going to jump. 588 01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:16,600 Aaaggh! 589 01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:20,320 What's all the screaming? I dunno. 590 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:26,480 Oh, look! A roof-top drama. 591 01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:30,440 Cor! Have a look at this! What is it? 592 01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:36,240 Get back in your beds at once! 593 01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:41,440 And miss this? Not on your nelly! What's going on in here? 594 01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:42,920 Kilmore! 595 01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:50,600 Come down at once! He must be mad. I always suspected he was unstable. Unstable's the word. Look at him! 596 01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,120 What's happened? 597 01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:58,960 It's all right. I'm coming back now. 598 01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,000 Ooh! Oh! 599 01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:06,280 Aaaggh! 600 01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:11,520 Ohhh! 601 01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:14,600 Hold on. I'm coming. 602 01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:18,160 Oh...oh... 603 01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,200 Aaaggh! 604 01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:23,720 HELP! 605 01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:35,280 Don't move! Don't move? I can't move! 606 01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:43,640 I'm here! Hold on! 607 01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:47,400 I can't reach. 608 01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,280 Wait! 609 01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,240 I'm not going anywhere. 610 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,640 I hope. 611 01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:57,560 Grab hold of my leg. 612 01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:02,680 Got it! 613 01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:07,600 I'm OK. Climb up me. 614 01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,480 Oh! 615 01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,120 Aaaggh! 616 01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:07,960 Oh, dreadfully sorry. I didn't know that you... 617 01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:11,640 I was outside, and I didn't know that you were here. 618 01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:13,680 Would you like to try those on? 619 01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:14,720 Aaarghh! 620 01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:20,440 No, well, I'm sorry. You see, I came in... 621 01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:22,480 I'm terribly... 622 01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:30,480 He peeped at a nurse sun-bathing in the semi-nude, half stripped another, 623 01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:33,720 and attacked a third one in her bath. 624 01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:37,640 That's a load of rubbish. Doc Kilmore's not like that. 625 01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:39,680 We saw him rip her skirt off! 626 01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,280 Not on purpose. It was an accident. 627 01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,160 That's what I try to tell my old woman. 628 01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:48,480 He tried to stop himself falling off the roof. 629 01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:51,960 Ah, but what was he doing on the roof? Argh! 630 01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:56,440 Bath time, Mr Roper. 631 01:03:56,480 --> 01:03:58,200 Oh, but my temperature's normal now. 632 01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:02,320 I can't help that. Dr Tinkle's orders - every four hours. 633 01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:09,600 You'll get shot if she sees you. 634 01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:12,760 She won't if she's getting his bath ready. 635 01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:21,040 Mr Biddle, is that what you want? 636 01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:22,880 Yes, thank you. 637 01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:25,680 Just ring for it. Oh, ding-dong. 638 01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:30,880 Come along, Mr Roper. All right. 639 01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:32,920 Where's Mr Barron? 640 01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:35,280 Still at classes. 641 01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:40,120 Right leg. Raise, two, three. Lower, two, three. 642 01:04:40,560 --> 01:04:42,720 Both legs - raise. 643 01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:45,400 Come on, Mr Barron. You're not trying. 644 01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:47,280 Aaarghh! 645 01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:49,320 Lower, two, three. 646 01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:51,800 Right leg - raise, two, three. 647 01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:56,080 Now, sit up, ladies. 648 01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:58,400 Arms above the heads. 649 01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:00,720 Breathe in, two, three. 650 01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:03,800 Out, two, three. 651 01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:06,960 Let me go back to bed. 652 01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:08,640 Here's the ice. Put it in the bath. 653 01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:11,880 I'm not having that again! In you go. 654 01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:14,560 Excuse me, Sister. 655 01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:18,240 I'm from Cox & Carter, about the new rubber sheets. 656 01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:22,840 I don't need to bother you. I only want to measure the beds. 657 01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:27,760 Oh, they're all the same. Use one of the private rooms. 658 01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:32,520 Don't be a baby, Mr Roper. It's only ice. 659 01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:34,880 I know it is! I just sat on a lump. 660 01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:42,040 Never again. From now, it's the Pill. 661 01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:21,600 Morning, sir. I didn't mean to disturb you. 662 01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:25,000 You fiend! You might have waited till I'd gone. 663 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:26,880 They wanted me to do it now, sir. 664 01:06:26,880 --> 01:06:31,560 I shall do YOU now, if you don't get out. Now, get out. 665 01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:33,520 I only want to make my living. 666 01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:36,840 You grave-robber. If I get my hands on you...! 667 01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:45,120 They don't want rubber sheets. They want straitjackets. 668 01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:52,520 Good luck. I think I'm going to need it. 669 01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:55,600 Maybe this will help. 670 01:06:55,600 --> 01:07:01,600 When you're quite ready, Dr Kilmore... Right, Matron. 671 01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:06,600 Nurse Clarke, you may return to your duties. 672 01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:14,400 Ah, Kilmore... Sir Edmund Burke... Yes, we did bump into each other once before. 673 01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:18,880 "Bumped" is right. Into the back of my Jag. 674 01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:20,560 Oh... 675 01:07:20,560 --> 01:07:27,520 I'm sure that won't influence your decision in this case. Of course not. 676 01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:29,800 ..THIS time. 677 01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:32,760 Do sit down, Kilmore. Thank you. 678 01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:41,240 Well, I'm a fair man, and I'll conduct this inquiry in a fair manner. Thank you, sir. 679 01:07:41,240 --> 01:07:44,000 Are you a ruddy sex maniac or summat? 680 01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:46,760 What? That's h-hardly fair, sir. 681 01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:53,720 Peeking at girls... mucking about in baths... What would that make me? A wishful thinker? 682 01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:58,040 Kilmore, rudeness will get you nowhere. 683 01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:01,240 I'm sorry, but I want to explain. 684 01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:04,880 What were you doing on the roof? 685 01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:11,120 I saw Nurse May climb through the window. I thought she was going to jump. 686 01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:16,960 But why? Because of the night before. What did you do? 687 01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:20,440 I didn't do anything. It was... 688 01:08:20,440 --> 01:08:28,400 Go on, Kilmore. I want Sir Edmund to hear your story. All right. Dr Tinkle had a row with her. 689 01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:34,520 She got very upset! A row? I mean, really! Yes! 690 01:08:34,520 --> 01:08:38,680 Matron was there. She can tell you. Matron? 691 01:08:38,680 --> 01:08:42,560 I don't know what he's talking about. 692 01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:48,360 But...this is absurd! Nurse May... Get her in. Ask her! 693 01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:52,360 Oh, yes, I'd like that. I've heard she's qu... 694 01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:59,320 I'm afraid Nurse May has left. She was so upset by Dr Kilmore's conduct. 695 01:08:59,320 --> 01:09:06,800 I don't blame her. Bu... Nurse Clarke! SHE thought Nurse May was going to jump too. 696 01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:08,200 Matron? 697 01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:16,920 I'm sure she'd back him up. She has what is commonly known as a 'crush' on Dr Kilmore. Really? 698 01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:19,960 They were kissing outside the door. 699 01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:25,040 He IS a sex maniac. Don't you ever have enough? 700 01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:32,480 Yes! I've had enough of this farce! And don't bother to sack me, I'll resign. 701 01:09:32,480 --> 01:09:37,640 You resignation is accepted. And don't ask me for a reference. 702 01:09:37,640 --> 01:09:43,080 I wouldn't ask you for an aspirin, you old poop face. What did you say? 703 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:46,960 Poop face! P-O-O-P, poop! 704 01:09:46,960 --> 01:09:53,080 Poop face? That's what he called him. Excuse me. 705 01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:56,480 Poop face! I beg your pardon? 706 01:09:56,480 --> 01:10:01,760 Sorry, Chaplain. Where can I find Mr Francis Bigger? 707 01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:05,000 He's in the privates. Pardon? 708 01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:10,720 In the private wards! Through the door, and turn left. 709 01:10:10,720 --> 01:10:12,880 Thank you. 710 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:17,000 What's he want him for? He's getting married. 711 01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,520 Here's the Chaplain, Mr Bigger. 712 01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:23,400 Ah, how do you do? How do you do? 713 01:10:23,400 --> 01:10:28,240 Have you got the licence, dear? The LICENCE! 714 01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:36,360 No, dear, that's for the dog. The one for the other thing. The licence! 715 01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:42,840 Now, have you got the ring? The RING? 716 01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:53,640 Gold! You didn't have to go mad, dear. Oh, no. It didn't cost me anything. 717 01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:56,360 It was my mother's wedding ring. 718 01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:00,600 I didn't know she was married. 719 01:11:00,600 --> 01:11:04,680 You still want me as bridesmaid? Yes, please. 720 01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:11,560 And someone should give Miss Gibson away. They'd have to. Oops! 721 01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:14,600 I'll find someone. 722 01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:20,320 I haven't conducted a wedding in a hospital before. Well... 723 01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:23,160 We just want a simple ceremony. 724 01:11:23,160 --> 01:11:30,200 Nothing expensive. Just the "do yous"... No organ, and no sex chat. 725 01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,960 Pardon? My battery's a bit low. 726 01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:37,320 I can certainly pick 'em. 727 01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:41,000 Sorry, Fred, but I did promise I'd visit her again. 728 01:11:41,000 --> 01:11:45,280 I know, but if they bring any more of that medicine, I'm off. 729 01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:48,160 I must have broken all running records. 730 01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:01,040 Mr Biddle! 731 01:12:01,040 --> 01:12:02,760 What do you think you're doing? 732 01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:05,000 HE DISGUISES VOICE: Very sorry, no speak English. 733 01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:08,280 Just a moment, Mr Biddle. Oh, Nurse, please! 734 01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:15,800 I only want to visit somebody. I have a job for you first. But there's only 10 minutes left. 735 01:12:15,800 --> 01:12:18,360 It won't take long. In here. 736 01:12:21,080 --> 01:12:29,480 Oh, Sister. Will you tell my husband I won't be able to visit him this evening, only...it's started. 737 01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:34,520 Do you, Francis Kitchener Bigger, take this woman... 738 01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:36,240 I do. 739 01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:39,920 I DO! 740 01:12:39,920 --> 01:12:45,120 Do you, Chloe Gibson, take this man to be your lawful... 741 01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:48,440 wedded husband? I do! 742 01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:52,440 He's asking you! 743 01:12:52,440 --> 01:12:59,960 Do you etc. etc.? Oh, yes. Don't tell me, tell him! I do. 744 01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:04,320 She does! I DO! 745 01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:09,480 Come on. I shall be too tired for my honeymoon. Yeah, hurry up. 746 01:13:09,480 --> 01:13:13,720 Have you got the ring? The ring! What ring? 747 01:13:13,720 --> 01:13:19,880 Where's the ring? No, dear, give it to the referee. 748 01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:24,480 No, the best man should have it! 749 01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,160 Right, now what happens next? 750 01:13:30,160 --> 01:13:34,480 The best man hands it to the bridegroom. 751 01:13:34,480 --> 01:13:36,840 Thank you. 752 01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:42,480 Now, repeat after me... Will you speak up! She can't hear! 753 01:13:42,480 --> 01:13:46,760 With this ring I thee wed. Louder! 754 01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:49,560 (SHOUTS) With this ring I thee wed. 755 01:13:49,560 --> 01:13:54,360 Now you, dear. With this ring, I thee wed. 756 01:13:54,360 --> 01:13:57,000 Speak up, dear. 757 01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,760 (SHOUTS) With this ring I thee wed. 758 01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:02,440 (VISITING BELL RINGS) 759 01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:08,040 By giving and receiving of a ring, and by joining of hands. 760 01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:12,800 I pronounce that they be man and wife together. 761 01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:16,240 Congratulations. Good luck. 762 01:14:19,960 --> 01:14:24,000 Good evening, all. Evening, Doctor. 763 01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:31,160 Just looked in to say goodbye. I'm off first thing in the morning, up north. 764 01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:34,760 We know, Doc. We've heard all about it. 765 01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:37,200 Oh! Oh, I see. 766 01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:43,040 I told them. It wasn't fair the way they treated you. 767 01:14:43,040 --> 01:14:46,440 Well... Can't be helped. 768 01:14:46,440 --> 01:14:48,960 Well... 769 01:14:48,960 --> 01:14:55,120 Did you hear about the little boy who swallowed half-a-crown? 770 01:14:55,120 --> 01:15:01,240 No. Two days later, his mother was told, "There's still no change." 771 01:15:04,240 --> 01:15:09,360 Ah, well... Bye. Ta-ra, Doc. Goodbye. 772 01:15:21,520 --> 01:15:28,080 Aw, now, come on. That's enough of that. Look at all the smudges there. 773 01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:32,720 Cheer up, Nurse. That won't do any good. 774 01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:36,840 I bet Florence Nightingale never cried. 775 01:15:36,840 --> 01:15:39,760 It would've put her lamp out. 776 01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:41,920 It's all so unfair. 777 01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:45,160 You tell them what happened. 778 01:15:45,160 --> 01:15:48,040 They'd never believe me. 779 01:15:48,040 --> 01:15:51,960 They've got him by the aniseeds. 780 01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:56,080 If I got hold of that Dr Tinkle, I'd shove a catheter up his nostril! 781 01:15:56,080 --> 01:16:01,520 Hey, why don't we all go and have a talk with Tinkle? 782 01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:03,640 What about Matron? 783 01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:09,200 The women patients could do that. You see that bird of yours. 784 01:16:09,200 --> 01:16:11,800 Oh-oh! 785 01:16:13,680 --> 01:16:15,960 I'll never get past her! 786 01:16:15,960 --> 01:16:22,040 There must be some way of getting you into that ward. ..Nurse Clarke! 787 01:16:22,040 --> 01:16:29,680 We can't involve her! Wouldn't be her fault if somebody used her uniform. 788 01:16:34,520 --> 01:16:37,560 It's all clear. Come on. 789 01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:42,920 Hey, Nurse... 790 01:16:42,920 --> 01:16:46,000 Pull your knicker up. 791 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:51,520 Nurse, give this suppository to Miss Morrison in bed three. 792 01:17:10,640 --> 01:17:12,920 (SQUEAKY VOICE) Good evening. 793 01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:28,200 Ken, what on earth... Sh! I had to see you. 794 01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:36,000 You know about Dr Kilmore? Yeah, it was rotten. Will you help us do something? 795 01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:42,840 Get all the women who can walk ready for action, and wait for my whistle. 796 01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:51,120 Nurse. Yes. What is it? 797 01:17:58,040 --> 01:18:00,080 You want to what? 798 01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:04,240 Oh, very well. I'll go and get it for you. 799 01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:28,080 (KNOCK AT DOOR) What is it? 800 01:18:28,080 --> 01:18:33,280 Hello, Kenneth. Hello, Matron. It's only little me. 801 01:18:33,400 --> 01:18:40,960 I thought you'd be surprised. Matron! What is it? What do you want? Don't you know? 802 01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:46,080 No. Are you not feeling well? Oh, I'm feeling wonderful. 803 01:18:46,080 --> 01:18:53,920 I just thought we'd have a drink, to celebrate. To celebrate what? We got rid of Kilmore and the girl. 804 01:18:53,920 --> 01:19:01,480 Oh, that, yes. Well, I appreciate your help there, Matron, and sometime... No, now! 805 01:19:01,480 --> 01:19:09,080 Kenneth, I'm in the mood. And don't call me Matron, naughty boy. It's Lavinia! 806 01:19:09,080 --> 01:19:16,840 But someone might come in. You must leave my room at once. Really, Matron...I mean, Lavinia. 807 01:19:16,840 --> 01:19:23,920 Wouldn't it be awful, Kenneth, if someone found out Dr Kilmore was right. 808 01:19:23,920 --> 01:19:27,960 Not that I'D want to tell anyone, of course. 809 01:19:27,960 --> 01:19:33,000 Not unless I HAD to. Well, perhaps just a quick one. 810 01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:42,880 I'm glad I'm out of that lot. I was just beginning to fancy you. Oh, shut up! 811 01:19:42,880 --> 01:19:50,600 Thank you, Nurse. Where will Tinkle be now? In his room, top floor. 812 01:19:50,600 --> 01:19:56,720 Wait for me. No, you'd better stay put, Mr Barron. 813 01:19:56,720 --> 01:20:03,360 After all the pre-natal classes he made me go to? 814 01:20:06,040 --> 01:20:08,080 What are you doing? 815 01:20:08,080 --> 01:20:11,920 Get back to your beds at once. (PIERCING WHISTLE) 816 01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:15,040 At once, do you hear! 817 01:20:16,800 --> 01:20:19,760 What is the meaning of this? 818 01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:24,840 Having trouble, Ken? Maybe you can persuade Sister to help. 819 01:20:24,840 --> 01:20:29,440 It'll be a pleasure! Come on, girls. 820 01:20:32,480 --> 01:20:35,600 What the devil's going on? 821 01:20:37,560 --> 01:20:41,960 Fancy wearing red ones under all that! You keep quiet. 822 01:20:41,960 --> 01:20:49,520 Oh! What is this? The revolt of the slaves? We got some business to settle with Tinkle. 823 01:20:49,520 --> 01:20:57,240 Tinkle? Count me in. Up the rebels, and to hell with Burgundy. Where? Bur-gun-dy. 824 01:20:57,240 --> 01:21:00,960 She won't give you any more trouble. 825 01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:05,800 Nice work, love. Right. Forward...company. 826 01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:25,320 Here, what's going on? Where are you lot going to? You should be... Here! 827 01:21:28,280 --> 01:21:33,320 Matron, please...! I'm not that kind of doctor. 828 01:21:33,320 --> 01:21:40,320 Kenneth, we've wasted so many years. This is our moment of fulfilment. 829 01:21:40,320 --> 01:21:47,880 But I don't want to feel full... full feel... This could ruin my training programme. Forget it. 830 01:21:47,880 --> 01:21:54,880 It's my duty to keep myself fit and strong. I was once a weak man. 831 01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:58,000 Once a week's enough for any man. 832 01:22:02,760 --> 01:22:11,040 Kiss me, Kenneth. Send me. You don't know what agony it's been. Yearning to give you my all. 833 01:22:11,040 --> 01:22:13,960 I don't even want a little bit. I will not be put off. 834 01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:15,880 Not after all I've done for you. 835 01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:20,920 Matron, no, please! Ooh, your hand! 836 01:22:22,240 --> 01:22:27,400 Well, I've heard of a bedside manner, but this...! 837 01:22:27,520 --> 01:22:29,080 What do you think you're doing here? 838 01:22:29,080 --> 01:22:31,840 Not what YOU thought of doing! 839 01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:40,240 Matron and I were discussing business...some cases. How dare you! Back to the wards, all of you! 840 01:22:40,240 --> 01:22:44,080 Mavis! Get this old battleship out of here. 841 01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:46,520 Battleship! 842 01:22:46,520 --> 01:22:49,200 Come on, girls. 843 01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:52,520 What is it? What do you want? 844 01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:55,920 What we want is a signed confession. 845 01:22:55,920 --> 01:23:02,160 But the Matron and I weren't doing anything! We didn't mean HER. 846 01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:09,280 You and the little nurse - with the big glands. You can't MAKE me do that! No? 847 01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:15,480 You'd better get the Doctor's bath ready, Mr Roper. A pleasure. 848 01:23:15,480 --> 01:23:19,600 No, wait a minute! Now, look here! 849 01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:23,760 Tell the truth about Dr Kilmore, Matron. 850 01:23:23,760 --> 01:23:27,720 No, never! You'll regret this. 851 01:23:27,720 --> 01:23:35,320 All right, girls, get the stuff. We'll give you one of the most diabolical tortures ever devised... 852 01:23:35,320 --> 01:23:38,360 A blanket bath. No! No! 853 01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:47,840 All right now, Mr Roper? Enough to freeze the barnacles off a brass dinghy. 854 01:23:47,840 --> 01:23:52,560 Take your hands off me! All right, Mr Smith, hold him over it. 855 01:23:52,560 --> 01:23:57,600 Now will you sign, Doctor? Certainly not! You wouldn't dare! 856 01:23:57,600 --> 01:24:02,440 Mr Smith! I'm sorry, he slipped. 857 01:24:02,440 --> 01:24:09,800 You fools! Idiots! It won't work. I take a cold shower every morning. 858 01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:10,840 That's it. 859 01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:14,520 Luke-warm water, lovely rough flannels... 860 01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:19,440 Girls, let's get her things off. Don't you dare! 861 01:24:19,440 --> 01:24:22,720 We can't take a bed bath with our clothes on, can we? 862 01:24:22,720 --> 01:24:24,480 Hey, look at that! 863 01:24:24,480 --> 01:24:26,400 Miss Bedpan 1968. 864 01:24:26,400 --> 01:24:28,000 RAUCOUS SHOUTING 865 01:24:32,280 --> 01:24:36,280 Are you ready to tell, Matron? No, no! 866 01:24:36,560 --> 01:24:38,880 Right! Here we go! 867 01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:41,840 MATRON SQUEALS 868 01:24:43,760 --> 01:24:46,120 Oh, poor old Matron! That's going too far. 869 01:24:48,640 --> 01:24:50,320 MATRON SCREAMS 870 01:24:52,040 --> 01:24:57,440 No, no.. I'll never sign! Never! Sam, Henry, stop them! 871 01:24:57,440 --> 01:25:00,000 Do something! 872 01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:02,640 The wind's getting up again. 873 01:25:02,640 --> 01:25:07,320 Maybe we ought to do something. Yeah... Another quick look first! 874 01:25:11,040 --> 01:25:13,920 No, no! I'll sign! I'll sign! 875 01:25:13,920 --> 01:25:19,720 Here, where've they gone? You won't get away with it, d'you hear? 876 01:25:19,720 --> 01:25:22,600 Don't tell me they're going to... HE WHISTLES 877 01:25:25,000 --> 01:25:28,160 Where are you? I know you're here. 878 01:25:28,160 --> 01:25:33,840 All right. You've had your fun. I'll make a bargain with you. 879 01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:38,960 Let me go and I'll say nothing about your conduct tonight. That's fair, isn't it? 880 01:25:39,920 --> 01:25:42,640 Answer me! 881 01:25:46,680 --> 01:25:48,640 Aaaggh! 882 01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:51,280 What are you doing? 883 01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:57,280 All right, you've had your fun. Let me go. Answer me! 884 01:25:57,280 --> 01:25:59,280 D'you hear? 885 01:25:59,280 --> 01:26:02,840 Answer me! What are you doing? 886 01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:08,360 You wouldn't dare! Now, come along. 887 01:26:09,760 --> 01:26:11,960 Ohh! 888 01:26:12,880 --> 01:26:15,640 You wouldn't dare! 889 01:26:15,640 --> 01:26:18,560 Let's be reasonable about this. 890 01:26:20,360 --> 01:26:25,880 Oh! All right, come on. You've had your little joke. 891 01:26:25,880 --> 01:26:31,000 Let me go now, and we'll forget the whole thing. 892 01:26:31,000 --> 01:26:36,000 Wait! So you'll sign then? No, I'll forget about all this. 893 01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:42,560 Looks like we'll have to proceed with the removal as planned. Yes... 894 01:26:42,560 --> 01:26:49,720 What removal? Cor blimey! Have you ever seen such a horrible one? 895 01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:54,200 How long have you had this lump? Are you mad? 896 01:26:54,200 --> 01:26:59,320 Oh, dear. Looks like a severe case of water in the lower bowel... 897 01:26:59,320 --> 01:27:05,920 aggravated by wind in the upper Nile. We'll have it off. You mean out? 898 01:27:05,920 --> 01:27:07,360 And off. 899 01:27:07,360 --> 01:27:14,520 Right... Scalpel. Scalpel. Sharpener... What about the anaesthetic? 900 01:27:14,520 --> 01:27:22,160 No, we want him to enjoy it. Aaarrggh! Wait! We forgot to shave him. Oh yes! 901 01:27:22,160 --> 01:27:27,160 I used to be a barber. Brush...lather...razor... 902 01:27:28,640 --> 01:27:33,840 No, no. Not up there! Down here, where his trouble is. 903 01:27:33,840 --> 01:27:42,040 Tinkle, it's your last chance! Will you sign? Of course not! You wouldn't DARE do anything to me. 904 01:27:42,040 --> 01:27:47,480 Oh, yes I would. I've only got a couple of days to live, remember? 905 01:27:47,480 --> 01:27:51,760 There's nothing wrong with you, you fool! 906 01:27:51,760 --> 01:27:56,600 Oh? You only gave me a week, don't forget. 907 01:27:56,600 --> 01:28:02,440 I said you could only stay in the hospital for a week! Eh? 908 01:28:02,440 --> 01:28:09,560 Dr Kilmore told me there was nothing wrong with you, just a few bruises the day they brought you in. 909 01:28:09,560 --> 01:28:13,280 (HEARS WEDDING MARCH) 910 01:28:13,280 --> 01:28:18,120 Are you telling me I married that old bag for nothing? 911 01:28:18,120 --> 01:28:23,440 Yes. Now perhaps you'll stop all this nonsense and let me up! 912 01:28:23,440 --> 01:28:31,560 Not on your nelly! I'll cut his two-faced pancreas out! It's no good. He'll never sign. 913 01:28:31,560 --> 01:28:34,440 There's just one more chance. 914 01:28:34,440 --> 01:28:39,160 You're wasting your time. You can't frighten me. 915 01:28:39,160 --> 01:28:43,160 Come on then. Turn him over on his side. 916 01:28:45,000 --> 01:28:48,640 No, no, no! I'll sign! I'll sign! 917 01:28:50,880 --> 01:28:53,440 Doctor... 918 01:28:55,760 --> 01:29:01,560 It's poor grandad. That little devil. This way. 919 01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:04,320 You'll soon have it off, Grandad. 920 01:29:04,320 --> 01:29:07,040 Oh, Doctor... Yes, Dr Kilmore? 921 01:29:07,040 --> 01:29:11,960 A casualty for you. Oh, yes. I'll attend to it right away. 922 01:29:11,960 --> 01:29:15,680 Carry on, Doctor. And you. 923 01:29:15,960 --> 01:29:21,520 Goodbye, Mr Barron. It's a wonderful baby. Isn't he? 924 01:29:21,520 --> 01:29:27,200 I really think it's been worth all this suffering, don't you, dear? 925 01:29:27,200 --> 01:29:29,960 We could have another one if you like! 926 01:29:29,960 --> 01:29:35,280 We'd better get home first. I have to feed baby in an hour. 927 01:29:35,280 --> 01:29:38,280 Goodbye, Mr Barron. 928 01:29:38,560 --> 01:29:42,920 I do not want a nice little flat in Eastbourne. 929 01:29:42,920 --> 01:29:45,840 I know what's best for you. Oh? 930 01:29:45,840 --> 01:29:50,360 No more giving silly lectures. Silly lectures? 931 01:29:50,360 --> 01:29:55,200 Yes. Rubbish. Rubbish? Rubbish, and you know it. 932 01:29:55,200 --> 01:30:01,360 No! A good steady job, that's what you need. (I know what you need.) 933 01:30:01,360 --> 01:30:03,600 What? Nothing, dear. 934 01:30:03,600 --> 01:30:06,400 What? NOTHING! Why shout? 935 01:30:06,400 --> 01:30:10,800 I'm sorry. She will definitely have to go. 936 01:30:11,520 --> 01:30:14,240 CLATTERING AND SCREAMING What now? 937 01:30:15,800 --> 01:30:22,840 Oh, my back! It's agony! It is agony! I told you to mind the step. 938 01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:26,320 Hurts a bit, Mr Bigger? Oh, yes. It's agony! 939 01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:29,160 I shall be here for months... 940 01:30:29,160 --> 01:30:32,160 with any luck.