1 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:29,718 [dog barking] 2 00:00:57,007 --> 00:00:58,998 [birdsong] 3 00:01:07,807 --> 00:01:09,798 [gull crying] 4 00:01:30,287 --> 00:01:32,278 [dog barking] 5 00:01:54,727 --> 00:01:56,718 [barking continues] 6 00:02:01,607 --> 00:02:03,598 [birdsong] 7 00:02:09,687 --> 00:02:11,678 [gull crying] 8 00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:30,082 [dog barking] 9 00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:32,516 [wild birds shrieking in distance] 10 00:02:49,847 --> 00:02:51,883 [machinery whirrs] 11 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,800 [engine sputtering] 12 00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,042 [engine catching and humming] 13 00:03:17,247 --> 00:03:19,124 [plane radio, indistinct] 14 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,122 [inaudible over roar of planes] 15 00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:10,921 What about the others? I'd be playing a dirty trick on them. 16 00:05:10,967 --> 00:05:15,438 [man] They'll be happy you're gone. [2nd man] They have a war to win. 17 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,558 Well...what the hell. 18 00:05:19,607 --> 00:05:23,885 of they don't want any more missions, let them stand up and say so. 19 00:05:23,927 --> 00:05:26,680 - Precisely. - Exactly. 20 00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:41,442 [planes droning overhead] 21 00:06:16,247 --> 00:06:18,636 [weakly] Help! Help! 22 00:06:34,207 --> 00:06:36,402 [wind whistling] 23 00:06:41,647 --> 00:06:43,763 [man] Help him! 24 00:06:43,807 --> 00:06:46,241 - What? - Help him! Help him! 25 00:06:46,287 --> 00:06:49,279 - Help who? - Help the bombardier! 26 00:06:49,327 --> 00:06:53,878 - I'm the bombardier, I'm all right. - Then help him! Help HIM! 27 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,566 - Snowden. - [1st medic] What'd he say? 28 00:07:09,607 --> 00:07:13,759 [2nd medic] He said, "Snowden". [1st medic] Snowden's dead. 29 00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:17,279 Snowden? 30 00:07:17,327 --> 00:07:22,481 - Why's he talking to a dead man? - He's Yossarian. He's crazy. 31 00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:26,282 - Who says so? - I do. 32 00:07:26,327 --> 00:07:28,557 - Cos I hate that son of a bitch? - Who? 33 00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:30,996 - Colonel Cathcart. - I didn't ask you. 34 00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:33,766 - Cathcart isn't here. - Who mentioned him? 35 00:07:33,807 --> 00:07:36,765 - Colonel Korn isn't here. - Who mentioned him? 36 00:07:36,807 --> 00:07:39,560 - Who do you hate? - What son of a bitch lS here? 37 00:07:39,607 --> 00:07:42,883 - You don't make sense. - You got a persecution complex. 38 00:07:42,927 --> 00:07:44,883 - Damn right. - You admit it! 39 00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:47,760 I admit I'm being persecuted, by them! 40 00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:52,437 - Who specifically is "them"? - All of them! Who do you think? 41 00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:55,320 - I've no idea! - Then how do you know they aren't? 42 00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:56,641 [men] Ahhh! 43 00:07:56,687 --> 00:07:59,679 - That's sheer what-do-you-call-it... - Sophistry. 44 00:07:59,727 --> 00:08:02,844 Like hell it is, McWatt. They're trying to kill me! 45 00:08:02,887 --> 00:08:05,799 No one's trying to kill you. Eat your dessert. 46 00:08:05,847 --> 00:08:09,920 - Then why are they shooting at me? - They're shooting at everyone. 47 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:14,643 - What difference does that make? - Suppose everyone thought like you? 48 00:08:14,687 --> 00:08:19,363 - I'd be a fool to think different. - You need your head examined. 49 00:08:19,407 --> 00:08:22,558 There's nothing wrong with it. 50 00:08:22,607 --> 00:08:26,316 - Look at it once, will you? - Yossarian, your head is OK. 51 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,518 - [man screaming] - Please, don't do that. 52 00:08:32,047 --> 00:08:34,800 - Yes. What? - Doc? Doc? 53 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:38,237 - I want you to ground me. - Don't start that again. 54 00:08:45,047 --> 00:08:47,800 - Doc, I don't want to fly any more. - Why? 55 00:08:47,847 --> 00:08:49,803 - It's dangerous. - [screams] 56 00:08:49,847 --> 00:08:53,920 Listen, I told you... Let's get out of here, huh? 57 00:08:55,087 --> 00:08:59,478 [Yossarian] I've flown 35 missions. Now that nut has raised it to 50. 58 00:08:59,527 --> 00:09:03,520 In any other outfit I would've been rotated after 25. Help me out. 59 00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:06,320 [Doc] I'm due for rotation myself soon 60 00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:09,404 if I don't cause trouble or break any rules. 61 00:09:09,447 --> 00:09:13,360 One rule says I can't ground anyone just because he asks me to. 62 00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:17,844 - Can you ground someone who's crazy? - Of course. A rule says I have to. 63 00:09:17,887 --> 00:09:20,845 - I'm crazy! - Who says so? 64 00:09:20,887 --> 00:09:24,038 Ask Nately, Dobbs, McWatt... Hey, Orr, tell him! 65 00:09:24,087 --> 00:09:26,157 - Tell him what? - Am I crazy? 66 00:09:26,207 --> 00:09:28,721 He's crazy, Doc. He won't fly with me. 67 00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:32,646 I'd take good care of him but he won't. He's crazy, all right. 68 00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:35,963 - See that? They all say I'm crazy. - They're crazy. 69 00:09:36,007 --> 00:09:38,805 - Why don't you ground them? - Why don't they ask me? 70 00:09:38,847 --> 00:09:41,998 - Because they're crazy! - Of course they're crazy. 71 00:09:42,047 --> 00:09:46,837 You can't let crazy people decide whether you're crazy or not, can you? 72 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,156 - Is Orr crazy? - Of course he is. 73 00:09:51,207 --> 00:09:54,995 He has to be if he keeps flying after all those close calls. 74 00:09:55,047 --> 00:09:57,880 - Then why don't you ground him? - He has to ask me. 75 00:09:57,927 --> 00:10:00,282 - That's all he's gotta do? - That's all. 76 00:10:00,327 --> 00:10:04,081 - Then you can ground him? - No. Then I cannot ground him. 77 00:10:04,127 --> 00:10:05,719 There's a catch. 78 00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:07,723 - A catch? - Sure, Catch-22. 79 00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:11,396 Anyone who wants to get out of combat isn't really crazy, 80 00:10:11,447 --> 00:10:13,438 so I can't ground him. 81 00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:17,395 OK. Let me see if I got this straight. 82 00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:20,359 In order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy 83 00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:22,637 and I must be crazy to keep flying. 84 00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:25,963 But if I ask to be grounded, I'm not crazy any more 85 00:10:26,007 --> 00:10:29,204 - and I have to keep flying. - You've got it! That's Catch-22. 86 00:10:29,247 --> 00:10:31,238 Whoooo! 87 00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:40,079 - That's some catch, that Catch-22. - It's the best there is! 88 00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:47,397 Good afternoon, this is Major Danby, your flight operations officer, 89 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,756 welcoming you to today's mission. 90 00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:54,198 You've all been briefed on this morning's run, so I won't go over it. 91 00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:58,638 There's no sense naming names since the enemy is probably listening 92 00:10:58,687 --> 00:11:00,882 and there's no reason I can think of 93 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,441 to tell him where we're going to strike. 94 00:11:03,487 --> 00:11:07,082 That's the stupidest goddamn thing I ever heard him say. 95 00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:08,321 That's right! 96 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:12,076 [Danby] Weather conditions have improved tremendously, 97 00:11:12,127 --> 00:11:15,358 so you won't have any trouble seeing the target. 98 00:11:15,407 --> 00:11:17,398 Of course, you mustn't forget, 99 00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:21,235 that means that they will have no trouble at all seeing you. 100 00:11:21,287 --> 00:11:25,439 Colonel Cathcart would like to say a few words before takeoff. 101 00:11:25,487 --> 00:11:28,923 - And so, without further ado... - Give me that! 102 00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:33,006 Men, I'm not gonna waste any more of your time than I have to. 103 00:11:33,047 --> 00:11:36,084 I wanna wish you good luck on today's mission. 104 00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:38,846 To those of you who won't be coming back, 105 00:11:38,887 --> 00:11:43,278 we're gonna do our best to take care of your wives and/or sweethearts. 106 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,124 And don't forget, 107 00:11:45,167 --> 00:11:49,046 General Dreedle wants to see a nice, tight bombing pattern 108 00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:51,396 on those aerial photographs. 109 00:11:51,447 --> 00:11:53,438 Everyone ready to go? 110 00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:18,438 [birds twittering] 111 00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:04,757 - Colonel Korn, stay in the tower. - Sir? 112 00:14:04,807 --> 00:14:09,244 Stay on top of this. I'd like to know when my boys make target. 113 00:14:09,287 --> 00:14:11,118 [Korn] Yes, sir! 114 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,204 What is it, Lieutenant Minderbinder? 115 00:14:14,247 --> 00:14:18,445 - An egg, sir. - I know that, Lieutenant. 116 00:14:18,487 --> 00:14:22,241 - A fresh egg, sir. - Where did you get the egg? 117 00:14:22,287 --> 00:14:27,759 In Malta, sir, where there are enough chickens to lay fresh eggs 118 00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:30,116 for every officer in the squadron, 119 00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:34,126 at five cents apiece from the mess fund. 120 00:14:34,167 --> 00:14:38,843 - Yes? - With a profit of two cents per egg. 121 00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:40,764 For whom? 122 00:14:40,807 --> 00:14:46,359 Sir, for whomever sells the eggs to the mess. 123 00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:50,525 - And who may that be, Milo? - Ah, sir. 124 00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:53,764 - Oranges from Marrakech, pecans... - Pecans? 125 00:14:53,807 --> 00:14:58,119 And in Palermo, 10,000 gallons of the finest Italian olive oil. 126 00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:01,603 The Sicilians need blankets. It would be a fair trade. 127 00:15:01,647 --> 00:15:03,922 They're interested in Sardinia. 128 00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:08,279 All we need is the cooperation of the countries we're dealing with. 129 00:15:08,327 --> 00:15:09,840 What countries? 130 00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:14,278 The African nations, countries in the Greater Mediterranean area. 131 00:15:14,327 --> 00:15:18,081 So what we need is an additional assignment of personnel, 132 00:15:18,127 --> 00:15:20,846 - a little time and a plane. - [crashing] 133 00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,845 - What plane? - One of ours, sir. If I had one, 134 00:15:23,887 --> 00:15:27,277 I could get the gasoline to Malta and bring the eggs back. 135 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,919 [Cathcart] All right. 136 00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:33,643 And if I was taken off combat duty until I get this into operation... 137 00:15:33,687 --> 00:15:34,881 But Milo... 138 00:15:34,927 --> 00:15:37,839 I know, sir, I'm just an acting mess officer 139 00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:41,880 but it requires my full attention. It's to everyone's benefit. 140 00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:44,566 - Take whatever you need. - Thank you. 141 00:15:44,607 --> 00:15:48,441 I hope to give the men the finest cuisine in the entire world. 142 00:15:48,487 --> 00:15:49,886 Uh-huh... 143 00:15:49,927 --> 00:15:54,318 - Isn't that something to shoot at? - Yes, Milo, it certainly is. 144 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,358 [explosion] 145 00:15:56,407 --> 00:15:58,762 [sirens] 146 00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:06,883 With your permission, I'd like to show you something I've had printed. 147 00:16:06,927 --> 00:16:09,999 - What is it? - Just an idea, sir. It's a share. 148 00:16:10,047 --> 00:16:12,641 - A share? - In M&M Enterprises. 149 00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:17,238 If we get my ideas into practice, it should be organised like a mart. 150 00:16:17,287 --> 00:16:19,755 - A mart? - Yes, sir, a syndicate. 151 00:16:19,807 --> 00:16:23,516 An enterprise. There are tremendous profits to be made, Colonel. 152 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,523 - For us? - For everyone. 153 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:30,516 What will be good for M&M Enterprises will be good for the country. 154 00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:34,765 - You'll have our full cooperation. - Thank you, sir. 155 00:16:34,807 --> 00:16:39,597 of I take a plane this afternoon, I'll get this material to Alexandria. 156 00:16:39,647 --> 00:16:42,605 - There's a huge cotton crop. - Cotton? 157 00:16:42,647 --> 00:16:45,639 - Cotton is a very liquid commodity. - How much? 158 00:16:45,687 --> 00:16:48,997 - We'll trade for it, sir. - With what? 159 00:16:49,047 --> 00:16:51,322 Silk! 4,000 yards of silk. 160 00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:55,564 How in the world did you get hold of so much silk? 161 00:16:55,607 --> 00:16:57,802 Where the hell's my parachute? 162 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:04,365 OK, all right, which one of you bastards stole my parachute? 163 00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:15,996 Hello, hello, this is the bombardier here. We gotta turn back. 164 00:17:16,047 --> 00:17:19,164 Uh, Nately, we gotta turn back now. 165 00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:22,842 Nately! Do you hear me up there? 166 00:17:22,887 --> 00:17:26,243 We gotta turn back. OK, we're gonna turn back now. 167 00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:30,246 Nately, let's turn back. We're gonna turn back! 168 00:17:30,287 --> 00:17:33,245 What is it this time, Yossarian? 169 00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:36,677 Some bastard stole my chute! Aahh! 170 00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:40,800 - Anything the matter? - My parachute. It's gone! 171 00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:43,600 - Don't worry about it. - What do you mean? 172 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:47,322 What do I do if I have to bail out, use my handkerchief?! 173 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:51,838 That kind of humour in the face of adversity keeps America strong. 174 00:17:51,887 --> 00:17:53,445 I like you, Yossarian. 175 00:17:53,487 --> 00:17:56,559 Aardvark, I'd like to kill you but I haven't got time. 176 00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:59,644 You could have my chute but I gave it to Milo. 177 00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,679 - You gave it to Milo? - He's got all the chutes. 178 00:18:02,727 --> 00:18:06,242 He's got a hell of a deal going for silk in Alexandria. 179 00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:08,562 Maybe I do have time to kill... 180 00:18:08,607 --> 00:18:12,282 - Looks like they've seen us coming. - They've seen us! 181 00:18:12,327 --> 00:18:17,117 - Oh, God, they've seen us! - Get ready to dump those eggs. 182 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:21,079 [shrieking] 183 00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:25,245 They're shooting at me! Where are we? 184 00:18:26,527 --> 00:18:29,041 Aardvark, where are we? 185 00:18:29,087 --> 00:18:31,282 [gunfire explodes outside] 186 00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:38,796 - I think we're there. - [Yossarian] 'We're there?' 187 00:18:40,207 --> 00:18:43,279 We're there? We're there! 188 00:18:44,887 --> 00:18:46,718 Get ready to turn! 189 00:18:46,847 --> 00:18:49,680 Four, three... 190 00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:54,676 two, one, drop! Let's go! 191 00:18:54,727 --> 00:18:58,481 Turn right hard! Turn, turn! 192 00:18:58,527 --> 00:19:02,281 Turn, you son of a bitch! Turn right! 193 00:19:02,327 --> 00:19:06,002 - Turn, turn right! - Look at that, will you? 194 00:19:06,047 --> 00:19:08,845 I think we've got 'em this time, where it hurts. 195 00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,798 - Get out. - I can't hear you. 196 00:19:10,847 --> 00:19:13,315 - Get back in the ship! - What's that? 197 00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:17,599 Oh, climb, you bastard! Climb! Climb! 198 00:19:19,007 --> 00:19:23,558 - Fire! Fire on board! - Fire? Where's the fire? 199 00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:27,202 - Get out of the nose! - [Nately] 'I'm not in the nose.' 200 00:19:27,247 --> 00:19:29,317 Speak up. I still can't hear you. 201 00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:32,006 They're trying to kill us. Get out of here! 202 00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:36,438 - [Nately] 'Which way should I go?' - Turn left, you son of a bitch! 203 00:19:38,247 --> 00:19:40,966 Look, there goes Orr. 204 00:19:43,607 --> 00:19:47,236 That stupid little bastard. Pull out! 205 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,243 [explosion] 206 00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:59,280 Hey, I think you've caught a little something there. 207 00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:01,397 Is it my leg? 208 00:20:02,447 --> 00:20:04,244 Hey, is that my leg? 209 00:20:06,527 --> 00:20:09,644 - What's with my leg? - Take it easy. 210 00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:11,678 My leg! 211 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,521 [Aardvark] Yossarian's caught one. 212 00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,637 - What's that? - [McWatt] 'Help him!' 213 00:20:23,607 --> 00:20:26,041 - What? - 'Help him! Help him!' 214 00:20:26,087 --> 00:20:29,045 - Help who? - 'Help the bombardier!' 215 00:20:29,087 --> 00:20:33,399 - I'm the bombardier, I'm all right. - 'Then help him! Help HIM!' 216 00:20:33,447 --> 00:20:35,642 [wind whistling] 217 00:21:11,207 --> 00:21:13,767 It's, uh... 218 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:17,356 - What's his name, the new gunner? - [McWatt] 'Snowden.' 219 00:21:17,407 --> 00:21:19,398 Yeah. 220 00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:24,238 Snowden. 221 00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:05,039 - I'm cold. - OK. You're gonna be OK. 222 00:22:05,087 --> 00:22:08,557 I'm cold. I'm cold. 223 00:22:20,887 --> 00:22:24,197 [woman] Over here! Hurry up! 224 00:22:25,247 --> 00:22:27,363 Hey! 225 00:23:19,487 --> 00:23:21,478 [birds twittering] 226 00:23:33,007 --> 00:23:36,556 - What? - [man] I asked how you were feeling. 227 00:23:42,527 --> 00:23:44,483 Oh. 228 00:23:45,687 --> 00:23:48,247 Better, thank you. 229 00:23:48,287 --> 00:23:50,403 What about you? 230 00:23:52,167 --> 00:23:55,557 Me? Fairly well, thank you. 231 00:23:55,607 --> 00:23:57,837 You're welcome. 232 00:23:58,887 --> 00:24:02,721 - Except for a slight head cold. - Mmm. 233 00:24:03,767 --> 00:24:07,123 Had it for about a week, can't seem to shake it. 234 00:24:07,167 --> 00:24:09,556 Well, you know what they're like. 235 00:24:09,607 --> 00:24:13,202 No, I, uh... I don't. 236 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:18,036 I've never really had a head cold. I've tried but... 237 00:24:21,287 --> 00:24:23,676 Can't seem to be able to get one. 238 00:24:23,727 --> 00:24:26,321 Well, you're very lucky. 239 00:24:28,127 --> 00:24:31,039 Yes, I suppose I am. 240 00:24:32,487 --> 00:24:36,082 Except for this piece of shrapnel I caught in my leg. 241 00:24:37,247 --> 00:24:39,238 Yes. 242 00:24:42,047 --> 00:24:46,325 I've never caught a piece of shrapnel. 243 00:24:46,367 --> 00:24:48,642 Mmm. 244 00:24:59,287 --> 00:25:01,642 You're a chaplain! 245 00:25:01,687 --> 00:25:04,406 Yes. Didn't you know that? 246 00:25:04,447 --> 00:25:09,567 No, I didn't. I've never really seen a chaplain before. 247 00:25:09,607 --> 00:25:13,395 I had no idea chaplains looked like that. 248 00:25:13,447 --> 00:25:15,005 Well... 249 00:25:15,047 --> 00:25:19,438 Well, if I can do anything to help you, anything at all, you... 250 00:25:19,487 --> 00:25:21,762 Anything? 251 00:25:22,807 --> 00:25:26,038 Like books, or-or... cigarettes. 252 00:25:27,087 --> 00:25:28,679 Toys? 253 00:25:28,727 --> 00:25:32,083 No, I have everything I need, thank you very much. 254 00:25:33,127 --> 00:25:35,516 Ah... 255 00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:38,127 - You could do one thing for me. - What? 256 00:25:38,167 --> 00:25:42,046 - You could speak to Major Duluth. - The Squadron Commander? 257 00:25:42,087 --> 00:25:43,964 I don't want to fly any more. 258 00:25:44,007 --> 00:25:48,285 Cathcart raised the number of missions! He's trying to kill us all! 259 00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:51,876 - I can't do it, I'm desperate! - It's not my business... 260 00:25:51,927 --> 00:25:55,681 - I'm desperate! - I'll see what I can do. 261 00:25:55,727 --> 00:25:58,799 I really will, I'll... I'm gonna do my best. 262 00:25:58,847 --> 00:26:00,838 [man screaming] 263 00:26:05,247 --> 00:26:07,841 [whispering, indistinct] 264 00:26:14,167 --> 00:26:17,523 [whispering] It takes me 45 minutes to do this thing. 265 00:26:17,567 --> 00:26:19,876 First I saut¸ the chicken parts, 266 00:26:19,927 --> 00:26:22,566 then I put the raisins and the onions in. 267 00:26:22,607 --> 00:26:26,043 Three packets of garlic, don't forget the garlic. 268 00:26:26,087 --> 00:26:28,681 [conversation becomes indistinct] 269 00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:36,162 [laughing] 270 00:26:43,087 --> 00:26:45,442 [tyres squealing] 271 00:26:45,487 --> 00:26:47,478 He-he yelled. 272 00:26:49,167 --> 00:26:52,443 I'm...I'm awfully sorry, sir. 273 00:26:52,487 --> 00:26:55,365 - What's your name? - Major, sir. 274 00:26:55,407 --> 00:26:58,126 Not your rank, I asked your name. 275 00:26:58,167 --> 00:27:03,161 No, sir. I'm a captain. My name is Major. Captain Major. 276 00:27:03,207 --> 00:27:05,596 Just about as clear as mud, isn't it? 277 00:27:05,647 --> 00:27:08,207 That's what it's just about as clear as. 278 00:27:08,247 --> 00:27:13,037 Listen, Captain. You know Major Duluth, the Squadron Commander? 279 00:27:13,087 --> 00:27:15,317 - He's a fine man, sir. - Was. 280 00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:18,086 - Sir? - Major Duluth is dead. 281 00:27:18,127 --> 00:27:20,322 I'm distraught to hear that, sir. 282 00:27:20,367 --> 00:27:25,441 You may be distraught but he's dead. Shot down over Perugia today. 283 00:27:25,487 --> 00:27:30,641 That'll teach him to go on missions when he should be in the office. 284 00:27:30,687 --> 00:27:34,202 - I don't see... - We need a new Squadron Commander. 285 00:27:34,247 --> 00:27:38,286 And you're the only major available on our headquarters staff. 286 00:27:38,327 --> 00:27:40,522 No, Major is my name, not my rank. 287 00:27:40,567 --> 00:27:44,355 That's close enough for me, Major. Consider yourself a major. 288 00:27:44,407 --> 00:27:47,558 I don't know anything about being a commander. 289 00:27:47,607 --> 00:27:50,246 We all have to make sacrifices, Major. 290 00:27:50,287 --> 00:27:52,596 Sir, I'm in Billeting and Laundry! 291 00:27:52,647 --> 00:27:56,606 I know that, sir, but we all have to do our part, I guess. 292 00:27:56,647 --> 00:27:59,320 Well, I don't like my part. 293 00:28:07,247 --> 00:28:11,160 Sergeant, I'm going to take the rest of the afternoon off 294 00:28:11,207 --> 00:28:15,917 and lie down in my tent and think about things. 295 00:28:15,967 --> 00:28:19,084 Sir, there's someone waiting to see you. 296 00:28:19,127 --> 00:28:21,402 - Now? - Yes, sir. 297 00:28:22,647 --> 00:28:26,322 - Who is it? - Captain Tappman, Group Chaplain. 298 00:28:26,367 --> 00:28:27,846 What does he want? 299 00:28:27,887 --> 00:28:31,800 I don't know, sir, something to do with Captain Yossarian. 300 00:28:34,447 --> 00:28:37,086 Look, um, Sergeant... 301 00:28:38,647 --> 00:28:40,638 My job is tough enough 302 00:28:40,687 --> 00:28:45,124 without having to deal all the time with people who want something. 303 00:28:45,167 --> 00:28:47,522 - Do I make myself clear? - Yes, sir. 304 00:28:47,567 --> 00:28:49,762 I suppose you're wondering about this. 305 00:28:49,807 --> 00:28:52,401 Sir, it's not my place to wonder. 306 00:28:52,447 --> 00:28:55,883 - Did you know people stare at me? - No, sir. 307 00:28:55,927 --> 00:28:58,395 They think, "Who is that Major Major, 308 00:28:58,447 --> 00:29:02,235 "that he gets to be commander without ever having flown?" 309 00:29:02,287 --> 00:29:05,996 - I don't think people think that. - Well, they do. 310 00:29:06,047 --> 00:29:09,244 When I have this on, they don't know who I am. 311 00:29:10,287 --> 00:29:12,960 Did... Did you know in the Middle Ages 312 00:29:13,007 --> 00:29:17,319 princes and kings put on disguises and walked around their subjects? 313 00:29:17,367 --> 00:29:21,121 - I didn't know that. - You don't know everything, do you? 314 00:29:21,167 --> 00:29:25,524 - No, sir. Why did they do that? - Why did who do what?! 315 00:29:25,567 --> 00:29:28,320 Why did they walk around in disguise? 316 00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:33,077 How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm not some historian or anything. 317 00:29:33,127 --> 00:29:38,042 I'm just a guy trying to do his job. Good afternoon, Sergeant. 318 00:29:39,087 --> 00:29:40,759 Sir? 319 00:29:40,807 --> 00:29:43,765 - What is it now? - What do I do with the Chaplain? 320 00:29:43,807 --> 00:29:48,085 I don't want anyone to come and see me while I'm in my office. 321 00:29:48,127 --> 00:29:50,846 What do I say to people who want to see you? 322 00:29:50,887 --> 00:29:53,196 - Ask them to wait. - For how long? 323 00:29:53,247 --> 00:29:54,646 Until I've left. 324 00:29:54,687 --> 00:29:56,484 - Then what? - I don't care. 325 00:29:56,527 --> 00:29:59,166 - I send them in after you've left? - Yes. 326 00:29:59,207 --> 00:30:01,437 - You won't be here then. - No. 327 00:30:01,487 --> 00:30:04,479 Also, I don't want you coming in while I'm here 328 00:30:04,527 --> 00:30:06,961 asking if there's anything you can do. 329 00:30:07,007 --> 00:30:09,805 When should I ask if there's anything I can do? 330 00:30:09,847 --> 00:30:11,678 When I'm not there! 331 00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:14,764 - What do I do then? - Whatever has to be done. 332 00:30:14,807 --> 00:30:19,437 I'm sorry to have to talk to you this way, but I have to. 333 00:30:19,487 --> 00:30:21,876 - Goodbye. - Goodbye, sir. 334 00:30:24,967 --> 00:30:26,764 [thud] 335 00:30:27,607 --> 00:30:29,962 - Sergeant? - Yes, sir? 336 00:30:30,007 --> 00:30:33,556 - Thank you, for everything. - Thank you, sir. 337 00:30:38,727 --> 00:30:40,797 Major will see you now, Father. 338 00:30:40,847 --> 00:30:42,838 - [phone] - Thank you. 339 00:30:42,887 --> 00:30:47,085 - You don't have to call me Father. - Sergeant Towser speaking. 340 00:30:47,127 --> 00:30:49,038 Will you go in? 341 00:30:49,087 --> 00:30:52,204 Yes, sir. I have it here, sir. 342 00:30:59,007 --> 00:31:00,963 There's no one here. 343 00:31:01,007 --> 00:31:03,475 - Where? - In Major Major's office. 344 00:31:03,527 --> 00:31:07,406 - When? - When you go to see him. 345 00:31:07,447 --> 00:31:11,326 What I mean is you can't see him when he's there, 346 00:31:11,367 --> 00:31:15,155 when he's in his office, I've tried several times. 347 00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:17,926 - When can you see him? Ever? - Yes, yes. 348 00:31:17,967 --> 00:31:21,596 Yes, indeed, you can see him when he isn't there. 349 00:31:22,687 --> 00:31:24,962 That is, he'll see you, all right, 350 00:31:25,007 --> 00:31:28,556 but only in his office and only when he's not there. 351 00:31:28,607 --> 00:31:31,519 The other times, when he's in... 352 00:31:32,567 --> 00:31:36,116 he's not...there... 353 00:31:36,167 --> 00:31:38,123 to be seen. 354 00:31:38,167 --> 00:31:39,919 Except when he's out. 355 00:31:39,967 --> 00:31:42,401 What the hell are you talking about, Father? 356 00:31:43,447 --> 00:31:46,359 - Sir? - Get your ass in here, Padre. 357 00:31:48,767 --> 00:31:51,884 Are you describing some mystical experience? 358 00:31:51,927 --> 00:31:54,395 Some peculiar things are happening. 359 00:31:54,447 --> 00:31:57,644 - You haven't had ecstatic visions? - No, sir. 360 00:31:57,687 --> 00:32:00,759 Didn't see a burning bush, hear any voices? 361 00:32:00,807 --> 00:32:03,879 - Nothing quite so extraordinary. - I hope not. 362 00:32:03,927 --> 00:32:07,715 We have to keep our supernatural episodes down to a minimum, 363 00:32:07,767 --> 00:32:11,521 - with a war to win and all that. - Absolutely, sir. 364 00:32:11,567 --> 00:32:15,037 - May I ask where we're going? - Where WE'RE going? 365 00:32:15,087 --> 00:32:17,965 You are going to Colonel Cathcart's office. 366 00:32:18,007 --> 00:32:21,886 - Now? - That's the general idea, Padre. 367 00:32:21,927 --> 00:32:25,522 Uh, i-is there anything wrong? Have I done anything? 368 00:32:25,567 --> 00:32:29,640 I don't know. Are you and Captain Yossarian up to something? 369 00:32:29,687 --> 00:32:32,565 - I don't know what you mean. - Then who does? 370 00:32:32,607 --> 00:32:36,759 - I don't know, sir. - You don't know much about anything. 371 00:32:36,807 --> 00:32:40,163 - No, sir. Sir? - What is it? 372 00:32:40,207 --> 00:32:44,405 It's not necessary to call me Father. I'm an anabaptist. 373 00:32:44,447 --> 00:32:47,598 Well, thanks for setting me straight on that. 374 00:32:47,647 --> 00:32:51,435 - I thought you'd like to know. - You're a captain, right? 375 00:32:51,487 --> 00:32:55,162 - I'm a lieutenant colonel. Correct? - Yes, sir, it is. 376 00:32:55,207 --> 00:33:00,076 Then I can call you anything I want, unless you have some objections. 377 00:33:00,127 --> 00:33:02,322 - Out! - Thank you, sir. 378 00:33:04,287 --> 00:33:06,960 Uh, sir, do you think now...? 379 00:33:08,007 --> 00:33:12,319 - Morning. Anything I can get you? - Morning, Lieutenant. What? 380 00:33:12,367 --> 00:33:14,756 - Do you need any supplies? - No. 381 00:33:14,807 --> 00:33:17,879 Whiskey, silk stockings, fresh fruit? 382 00:33:17,927 --> 00:33:22,239 The Colonel loves fresh fruit. What about religious supplies? 383 00:33:22,287 --> 00:33:25,962 I can get hold of an entire shipment of religious relics, 384 00:33:26,007 --> 00:33:27,998 blessed by the Pope himself. 385 00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:31,403 Includes the wrist and collar bones of some of your top saints. 386 00:33:31,447 --> 00:33:36,123 - That's very kind of you. - If you need anything, ask for Milo. 387 00:33:36,167 --> 00:33:40,240 - I've never been issued a blanket. - Anything at all, now! 388 00:33:51,887 --> 00:33:53,479 [clears throat] 389 00:33:53,527 --> 00:33:55,882 Yeah? 390 00:33:55,927 --> 00:33:59,044 I think the Colonel wants to see me. 391 00:33:59,087 --> 00:34:01,885 - He does? - I believe so. I'm... 392 00:34:02,727 --> 00:34:05,719 - Chaplain Tappman. - You're Chaplain Tappman? 393 00:34:05,767 --> 00:34:09,521 Have a seat. I'll tell the Colonel you're here, Father. 394 00:34:09,567 --> 00:34:11,558 It's not... 395 00:34:23,247 --> 00:34:25,522 You'd better get some dry things. 396 00:34:26,567 --> 00:34:30,082 Oh, I will, as soon as the Colonel is through with me. 397 00:34:32,967 --> 00:34:36,198 - They just got me out of the sea. - They did? 398 00:34:36,247 --> 00:34:40,763 - I drifted for almost three days. - You should report to the hospital. 399 00:34:40,807 --> 00:34:44,197 - You could catch pneumonia. - Oh, no, not me. 400 00:34:44,247 --> 00:34:47,284 - This is my fourth time. - How do you mean? 401 00:34:47,327 --> 00:34:50,956 I've put down in the Mediterranean once, once in the Adriatic, 402 00:34:51,007 --> 00:34:54,556 then I crash-landed one plane and I bailed out once. 403 00:34:55,807 --> 00:34:59,004 - You're very lucky. - That's what some folks say. 404 00:34:59,047 --> 00:35:03,279 Yossarian says they're gonna start taking it out of my salary. 405 00:35:03,327 --> 00:35:04,760 Yossarian? 406 00:35:04,807 --> 00:35:08,686 - He's a friend. Do you know him? - Yes, as a matter of fact... 407 00:35:08,727 --> 00:35:11,525 - Captain Tappman! - Yes? 408 00:35:13,327 --> 00:35:17,320 - Perhaps you shouldn't fly any more. - It's good practice. 409 00:35:18,327 --> 00:35:22,525 - Tappman, the Colonel is a busy man. - Yes, of course. 410 00:35:29,927 --> 00:35:34,079 Well, Chaplain, we don't see much of you around here lately. 411 00:35:34,127 --> 00:35:38,484 Well, sir, I try to stay out of the way as much as possible. 412 00:35:38,527 --> 00:35:42,566 - I make the men uncomfortable. - Nonsense! 413 00:35:42,607 --> 00:35:47,078 I can't imagine any man not enjoying the benefits of your presence. 414 00:35:47,127 --> 00:35:50,358 Unless, of course, they're atheists. 415 00:35:50,407 --> 00:35:53,956 - Not much chance of that, though. - I don't know, sir. 416 00:35:54,007 --> 00:35:56,567 - Isn't atheism against the law? - No. 417 00:35:56,607 --> 00:36:00,316 It isn't? Then it's un-American, isn't it? 418 00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:02,961 - I'm not sure. - Well, I am. 419 00:36:03,007 --> 00:36:05,282 If I find any atheists on this base, 420 00:36:05,327 --> 00:36:08,876 you can bet they'll soon start believing in something. 421 00:36:08,927 --> 00:36:12,044 That's not why I called you in, Chaplain. 422 00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:14,885 I want you to take a look at this. 423 00:36:16,167 --> 00:36:18,283 Page 48. 424 00:36:21,127 --> 00:36:25,837 Don't read the whole thing. You can get the point from the photographs. 425 00:36:25,887 --> 00:36:28,959 There's a full-page picture of a colonel in England 426 00:36:29,007 --> 00:36:32,443 whose chaplain conducts prayers before every mission. 427 00:36:32,487 --> 00:36:35,365 I see no reason why the Saturday Evening Post 428 00:36:35,407 --> 00:36:38,683 should not be interested in the story of my outfit. 429 00:36:38,727 --> 00:36:43,801 Think up some nice, snappy prayers to send the men out feeling good. 430 00:36:43,847 --> 00:36:46,725 Can you do that? Hm? 431 00:36:46,767 --> 00:36:50,237 - I'll try. - Well, good! Let's get to it! 432 00:36:51,287 --> 00:36:53,278 Yes, sir. 433 00:36:59,247 --> 00:37:01,681 Is there something else? 434 00:37:01,727 --> 00:37:03,877 Sir, it may be none of my business 435 00:37:03,927 --> 00:37:08,637 but some of the men are particularly upset about the fact 436 00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:12,760 that you keep raising the number of missions they have to fly. 437 00:37:15,327 --> 00:37:18,285 - You're right, Chaplain. - I am, sir? 438 00:37:18,327 --> 00:37:22,286 That it's none of your business. And it's none of theirs either. 439 00:37:22,327 --> 00:37:24,921 Their business is to fly missions. 440 00:37:24,967 --> 00:37:27,720 Your business is to think up catchy prayers 441 00:37:27,767 --> 00:37:30,565 that'll get me into the Saturday Evening Post. 442 00:37:30,607 --> 00:37:33,440 - Good afternoon, Chaplain! - Yes, sir. 443 00:37:36,007 --> 00:37:40,285 - Excuse me. - Excuse me, Padre. 444 00:37:45,167 --> 00:37:49,957 He says the men are upset because l keep raising the number of missions. 445 00:37:50,007 --> 00:37:52,282 - Yossarian. - What? 446 00:37:52,327 --> 00:37:56,718 It's that Captain Yossarian. He's always bitching and making trouble. 447 00:37:56,767 --> 00:38:00,840 - What can we do about it? - What would General Dreedle do? 448 00:38:01,167 --> 00:38:02,964 He'd crush him. 449 00:38:03,007 --> 00:38:05,282 - Tear him apart! - Smack him in the face! 450 00:38:05,327 --> 00:38:07,283 - Jab him in the kidneys! - Kick him in the balls! 451 00:38:07,967 --> 00:38:10,003 [howls] 452 00:38:14,327 --> 00:38:18,002 Keep your head down between your legs. 453 00:38:18,047 --> 00:38:20,481 Try to breathe deeply and evenly. 454 00:38:20,527 --> 00:38:24,566 I'm sorry, Captain. I know how that must feel. 455 00:38:24,607 --> 00:38:26,996 - I don't think so. - Try not to talk. 456 00:38:27,047 --> 00:38:29,766 Just think about nice things. 457 00:38:29,807 --> 00:38:32,640 Think about how lovely it is here, 458 00:38:32,687 --> 00:38:37,886 how lovely it could be if someone didn't always try to spoil it. 459 00:38:37,927 --> 00:38:41,363 - Why do you always try to spoil it? - Because I love you. 460 00:38:41,407 --> 00:38:44,365 I know that, Captain. I know that. 461 00:38:44,407 --> 00:38:48,366 But this is wartime. We've got a job to do, soldier. 462 00:38:48,407 --> 00:38:52,195 We just can't give in to ourselves. Think how it is for me. 463 00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:56,638 One of a handful of women on an island with thousands of men. 464 00:38:56,687 --> 00:39:00,965 Men who are giving up their lives for our country, for me. 465 00:39:01,007 --> 00:39:04,477 Think about... Captain Yossarian! 466 00:39:04,527 --> 00:39:07,041 What are you doing? 467 00:39:07,087 --> 00:39:09,078 Listen, I'm gonna die. 468 00:39:09,127 --> 00:39:12,164 - No, no. No, no, no, no. - Yes, mm! 469 00:39:12,207 --> 00:39:16,519 [Yossarian groaning] Oh, God. Oh... 470 00:39:16,567 --> 00:39:20,037 - [whispering] What is it? - [Yossarian groaning] 471 00:39:20,087 --> 00:39:22,317 - What's the matter? - Oh! 472 00:39:22,367 --> 00:39:27,282 The name of the town is Ferrara and it's right around here. 473 00:39:27,327 --> 00:39:30,717 It's a very pretty town, on the coast... 474 00:39:30,767 --> 00:39:33,201 [groaning] 475 00:39:33,247 --> 00:39:36,125 - You all right? - It's her, it's her! 476 00:39:36,167 --> 00:39:39,318 - Who? Who? - Dreedle's WAC! 477 00:39:39,367 --> 00:39:43,724 [Danby] If you do your job well, there won't be much left, anyway. 478 00:39:44,767 --> 00:39:49,477 Intelligence reports indicate you shouldn't have to worry about flak. 479 00:39:49,527 --> 00:39:53,361 We were hoping for some new recon photos of the area. 480 00:39:53,407 --> 00:39:58,003 UnfortuNately, they haven't arrived but then, no news is good news. 481 00:39:58,047 --> 00:40:00,277 A lot of you may ask yourselves, 482 00:40:00,327 --> 00:40:04,115 "How come we're out to destroy a town with no industry, 483 00:40:04,167 --> 00:40:06,681 "no enemy bases, no strategic value to anyone?" 484 00:40:09,647 --> 00:40:11,638 [man] Attention! 485 00:40:19,887 --> 00:40:23,323 [Cathcart] As you were. Good morning, gentlemen. 486 00:40:23,367 --> 00:40:27,645 We're honoured to have General Dreedle at today's briefing. 487 00:40:27,687 --> 00:40:31,566 Don't pay any attention to me, just carry on as usual. 488 00:40:31,607 --> 00:40:35,646 - Don't pay any attention to Dad. - Will you clam up? 489 00:40:36,807 --> 00:40:38,923 Don't call me Dad. 490 00:40:38,967 --> 00:40:44,280 - Go ahead with your briefing, Major. - Yes, well... Thank you, sir. 491 00:40:45,327 --> 00:40:48,000 I was just telling the men here that... 492 00:40:48,047 --> 00:40:51,960 - Don't tell me. Tell them! - Tell the men, Danby. 493 00:40:53,407 --> 00:40:57,605 Yes. I was just explaining why we're going to obliterate... 494 00:40:57,647 --> 00:41:00,605 - What about a chair? - Sir? 495 00:41:02,927 --> 00:41:05,646 - A chair. - I beg your pardon, General? 496 00:41:05,687 --> 00:41:08,281 A chair! 497 00:41:08,327 --> 00:41:10,841 Doesn't anyone know what a chair is?! 498 00:41:14,247 --> 00:41:16,681 Can't you see a lady is standing? 499 00:41:16,727 --> 00:41:19,560 A chair for Dad's gir...for the lady! 500 00:41:34,487 --> 00:41:36,364 Carry on. 501 00:41:36,407 --> 00:41:39,877 [Danby] We're now going to synchronize our watches. 502 00:41:39,927 --> 00:41:42,202 Now, we've all done this before, 503 00:41:42,247 --> 00:41:45,239 so I don't think we're going to have any problem. 504 00:41:46,527 --> 00:41:51,726 If everyone will be kind enough to look down at his watch, we'll begin. 505 00:41:51,767 --> 00:41:57,364 It is now 1 1 15 hours minus 50... 506 00:41:57,407 --> 00:42:00,877 - 49, 48, 47... - Mmm. 507 00:42:00,927 --> 00:42:05,443 - 46, 45, 44, 43... - [Yossarian groaning] 508 00:42:05,487 --> 00:42:07,842 - Mmmmm. - Yossarian. 509 00:42:07,887 --> 00:42:13,041 - Ohh... Oh-oh... - [Danby] ..40, 39, 38, 37... 510 00:42:13,087 --> 00:42:15,476 - ..36, 35... - [Yossarian moaning] 511 00:42:15,527 --> 00:42:19,406 - ..34, 33, 32... - [Yossarian] Mmm. 512 00:42:19,447 --> 00:42:22,439 - ..31 , 30... - [Yossarian] Ohh-oh... 513 00:42:22,487 --> 00:42:26,958 ..29, 28, 27... 514 00:42:27,007 --> 00:42:31,364 - [men yelping and sighing] - ..26, 25, 24... 515 00:42:31,407 --> 00:42:36,879 - Somebody's gonna get it! - ..22, 21 , 20... 516 00:42:36,927 --> 00:42:40,602 - ..19, 18, 1 7... - [men moaning] 517 00:42:40,647 --> 00:42:45,402 ..16, 15, 1 4, 1 3, 1 2... 518 00:42:45,447 --> 00:42:49,235 - All right, at ease! - ..1 1 , 10, 9... 519 00:42:49,287 --> 00:42:52,802 There'll be no more moaning in this outfit. 520 00:42:52,847 --> 00:42:56,726 The next man who moans is going to be very sorry. 521 00:42:56,767 --> 00:42:58,200 ..one! 522 00:42:59,967 --> 00:43:02,276 Ohhh. 523 00:43:04,807 --> 00:43:07,480 - Who is this man? - [whimpering] 524 00:43:07,527 --> 00:43:10,439 - Major Danby, sir. - Danby. D-A-N-B-Y. 525 00:43:10,487 --> 00:43:13,001 - Take him out and shoot him. - Sir? 526 00:43:13,047 --> 00:43:17,802 - [Dreedle] I said shoot him. - Take Major Danby out and shoot him. 527 00:43:17,847 --> 00:43:20,600 I think you'd better wait a minute, Dad. 528 00:43:20,647 --> 00:43:23,366 - What? - I don't think you can shoot him. 529 00:43:23,407 --> 00:43:25,477 Why the hell can't l? 530 00:43:25,527 --> 00:43:27,483 Why not? 531 00:43:27,527 --> 00:43:30,564 You mean I can't shoot whoever I want to? 532 00:43:30,607 --> 00:43:33,440 - Is that a fact? - I'm afraid it is, Dad. 533 00:43:33,487 --> 00:43:36,285 You think you're pretty smart, don't you? 534 00:43:36,327 --> 00:43:40,639 Just because my half-wit daughter married you for some reason... 535 00:43:40,687 --> 00:43:42,439 Oh, no, Dad, it's just... 536 00:43:42,487 --> 00:43:46,446 Let the insubordinate son of a bitch go but get him out of here. 537 00:43:48,487 --> 00:43:52,082 - Better do something. - All right, men, I think we... 538 00:43:52,127 --> 00:43:56,757 owe a vote of thanks to the General for visiting us and cheering us up. 539 00:43:56,807 --> 00:43:59,560 In his honour, I'd like to make an announcement 540 00:43:59,607 --> 00:44:01,598 which may be of interest. 541 00:44:01,647 --> 00:44:04,241 I know you're anxious to do your part... 542 00:44:04,287 --> 00:44:05,959 Here it comes. 543 00:44:06,007 --> 00:44:09,602 As of now, the number of missions required 544 00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:13,606 before you are eligible for rotation is raised to 75. 545 00:44:13,647 --> 00:44:17,845 I know we'll all do our best. Ten-hut! 546 00:44:21,967 --> 00:44:25,801 [Yossarian] What are you smiling at, you silly bastard? 547 00:44:25,847 --> 00:44:28,486 - Now I won't have to go home. - You what? 548 00:44:28,527 --> 00:44:30,995 I can stay. I don't have to leave her. 549 00:44:31,047 --> 00:44:34,642 - What are you saying? - I love her. 550 00:44:34,687 --> 00:44:36,279 [gibbers] 551 00:44:36,327 --> 00:44:41,799 I do. I really do. I've never feIt like this, not even for my mom. 552 00:44:41,847 --> 00:44:44,202 Men don't fall for girls like that. 553 00:44:44,247 --> 00:44:46,681 Men always fall for girls like that. 554 00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:48,922 Ah, one or the other. 555 00:44:48,967 --> 00:44:51,606 I'm gonna take her back to Long Island. 556 00:44:51,647 --> 00:44:55,037 You don't really love her. You think you love her. 557 00:44:55,087 --> 00:44:59,399 How can you tell the difference between love and thinking it's love? 558 00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:02,359 - You have to be objective. - Who's objective? 559 00:45:02,407 --> 00:45:05,126 I am, because I'm not in love with her. 560 00:45:05,167 --> 00:45:07,886 - You mean you think you're not. - Right. 561 00:45:07,927 --> 00:45:10,361 Then how can you tell the difference? 562 00:45:10,407 --> 00:45:12,363 Wait a second... 563 00:45:12,407 --> 00:45:15,080 Hey, look! 564 00:45:15,127 --> 00:45:19,598 - [Yossarian] Look what Aarfy's got. - Say goodbye, McWatt. Come on! 565 00:45:19,647 --> 00:45:24,198 - Figli di puttana! - My dear, we had a lovely day. 566 00:45:24,247 --> 00:45:28,320 Did you see what he did? Make him tell you what he did. 567 00:45:30,807 --> 00:45:34,959 - What'd you do, Aarfy? - Nothing. Nice girl. Very nice girl. 568 00:45:35,007 --> 00:45:38,795 She wanted us to go home with her to show us a good time. 569 00:45:38,847 --> 00:45:42,886 We had a good time. We saw the Colosseum and other swell sights. 570 00:45:42,927 --> 00:45:46,966 - Why didn't you take her home? - I can't take advantage of a kid. 571 00:45:47,007 --> 00:45:50,556 - Old Aarfy's got some principles. - You've got a diseased mind. 572 00:45:50,607 --> 00:45:52,882 She just wanted to jump in the sack. 573 00:45:52,927 --> 00:45:55,919 She's mixed up. I gave her a good talking to. 574 00:45:55,967 --> 00:45:57,878 He did! 575 00:45:57,927 --> 00:46:00,725 I straightened her out and sent her home. 576 00:46:00,767 --> 00:46:03,565 - You crazy bastard! - You're beneath contempt. 577 00:46:03,607 --> 00:46:06,838 - He's got a dirty mind. - I don't see it that way. 578 00:46:06,887 --> 00:46:09,845 - They want us to go home with them. - How much? 579 00:46:09,887 --> 00:46:12,003 - $30! - Who's the little runt? 580 00:46:12,047 --> 00:46:13,878 Nately's whore's kid sister. 581 00:46:13,927 --> 00:46:17,283 I wanna spend some time with my girl. I'll pay for us. 582 00:46:17,327 --> 00:46:20,444 Give her the 30 bucks and send the other two away. 583 00:46:20,487 --> 00:46:23,081 She'll be angry with me for making her work. 584 00:46:23,127 --> 00:46:26,722 She said if I really loved her, I'd sleep with the other two. 585 00:46:26,767 --> 00:46:28,758 I swear, you fellas...! 586 00:46:29,647 --> 00:46:31,956 Come on, Yossarian, let's go! 587 00:46:33,167 --> 00:46:35,158 Go on, you go. 588 00:46:35,727 --> 00:46:38,958 - What's wrong? - What isn't wrong? 589 00:46:39,007 --> 00:46:43,319 - Two more missions and we go home. - You know what's gonna happen. 590 00:46:43,367 --> 00:46:47,201 No. Some replacement pilots came into Naples yesterday. 591 00:46:47,247 --> 00:46:48,646 - Who says? - Milo. 592 00:46:48,687 --> 00:46:51,326 He just left there with loads of coconuts. 593 00:46:51,367 --> 00:46:54,837 We'll never see those replacements or those coconuts. 594 00:46:54,887 --> 00:46:58,004 Cathcart wouldn't dare raise the number again. 595 00:46:58,047 --> 00:47:02,518 - Who's gonna stop him? - [bicycle bell] 596 00:47:02,567 --> 00:47:04,717 Somebody will. 597 00:47:09,247 --> 00:47:11,238 Come on! 598 00:47:14,207 --> 00:47:18,041 Nately! Hey, Nately, wait for me! 599 00:47:20,407 --> 00:47:24,002 [# Strauss: Also Sprach Zarathustra] 600 00:48:10,647 --> 00:48:12,763 [blows whistle] 601 00:49:07,287 --> 00:49:09,278 [tyres squeal] 602 00:49:13,887 --> 00:49:17,926 All right. I want to get this clear. 603 00:49:18,967 --> 00:49:23,677 As I see it, we're giving these men medals for doing a lousy job, right? 604 00:49:23,727 --> 00:49:25,843 That's not quite the situation. 605 00:49:25,887 --> 00:49:30,199 When I want you, I'll look at you, which will be as seldom as possible. 606 00:49:30,247 --> 00:49:32,397 - I can explain it. - You better. 607 00:49:32,447 --> 00:49:36,122 Yesterday's mission was to bomb a town called Ferrara. 608 00:49:36,167 --> 00:49:37,361 Ferrara? 609 00:49:37,407 --> 00:49:41,161 - Why Ferrara? - What do you mean, "Why Ferrara?" 610 00:49:41,207 --> 00:49:45,280 - Do you know what Ferrara is? - It's a town on a hill. 611 00:49:45,327 --> 00:49:48,876 - Do you know what's in that town? - Five minutes to target. 612 00:49:48,927 --> 00:49:50,918 - What's in it? - Nothing. 613 00:49:50,967 --> 00:49:54,846 - What? - Nothing. No Germans, no munitions, 614 00:49:54,887 --> 00:49:58,357 no railroad crossing, no harbour, nothing. 615 00:49:59,407 --> 00:50:04,401 - Nothing at all? - No, except people. Italian people. 616 00:50:04,447 --> 00:50:06,597 And a monastery. 617 00:50:07,807 --> 00:50:11,322 Yossarian, maybe it's some kind of strategy thing. 618 00:50:12,367 --> 00:50:16,804 - What the hell are we doing? - It's not our business to ask. 619 00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:19,645 - Whose business is it? - Four minutes. 620 00:50:19,687 --> 00:50:23,077 - Are you ready to go in? - Get ready to dump. 621 00:50:23,127 --> 00:50:26,085 - We're not there yet! - Get away, Aardvark! 622 00:50:26,127 --> 00:50:29,563 - You'll screw up the whole mission! - What's going on? 623 00:50:29,647 --> 00:50:32,286 - Get ready to turn! - What are you doing? 624 00:50:32,327 --> 00:50:35,364 - Cut it out, Yossarian! - Get ready to turn! 625 00:50:45,607 --> 00:50:48,963 A direct hit...on the ocean? 626 00:50:49,007 --> 00:50:51,760 Yes, sir. A marvellous bomb pattern. 627 00:50:51,807 --> 00:50:55,243 We have aerial photographs if you'd like to see them. 628 00:50:55,287 --> 00:50:59,997 We're decorating men who dropped 20 tons of very expensive bombs 629 00:51:00,047 --> 00:51:04,245 - on the Mediterranean? - If you consider the alternative... 630 00:51:04,287 --> 00:51:08,803 The alternative is that we take the whole crew out and shoot 'em. 631 00:51:08,847 --> 00:51:12,601 - Might be a problem there, sir. - All right, I know. 632 00:51:12,647 --> 00:51:17,084 If we can't shoot the sons of bitches, we can court-martial 'em, 633 00:51:17,127 --> 00:51:19,641 see that they rot in some stockade. 634 00:51:19,687 --> 00:51:24,807 Well, sir, we feIt a court martial might get unavoidable publicity. 635 00:51:24,847 --> 00:51:29,398 If it got around that we used one of our missions to bomb the ocean... 636 00:51:29,447 --> 00:51:32,644 You don't have to say anything more, Colonel. 637 00:51:32,687 --> 00:51:36,839 [man in distance] Ho! Ten-hut! Right shoulder! 638 00:51:39,447 --> 00:51:41,119 Ten-hut! 639 00:51:50,367 --> 00:51:55,122 "For distinguished duty in the face of overwhelming" something... 640 00:51:55,167 --> 00:51:56,805 - Odds. - "..odds, 641 00:51:56,847 --> 00:52:00,726 "this air medal is awarded to Captain JS..." 642 00:52:00,767 --> 00:52:02,997 - McWatt. - "..McWatt." 643 00:52:07,847 --> 00:52:09,917 Come on, come on. 644 00:52:13,567 --> 00:52:17,082 All right, McWatt. What are you waiting for, a kiss? 645 00:52:17,127 --> 00:52:21,006 - Get back in there. - And on the double! 646 00:52:21,047 --> 00:52:23,242 "For meritorious action 647 00:52:23,287 --> 00:52:27,917 "in the face of concentrated enemy fire, Captain..." 648 00:52:27,967 --> 00:52:30,083 - What's this? - Come on, dumbo. 649 00:52:30,127 --> 00:52:32,846 - Yossarian, sir. - "Yossarian." 650 00:52:45,887 --> 00:52:48,879 Unless I miss my guess, Captain... 651 00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:53,239 - you're out of uniform. - [sniggering] 652 00:52:54,727 --> 00:52:57,480 What are you looking at? 653 00:52:57,527 --> 00:53:01,076 Get back in the car, you smirking slut. 654 00:53:01,127 --> 00:53:03,561 [giggling] 655 00:53:07,007 --> 00:53:10,397 [Dreedle] Why aren't you wearing clothes, Captain? 656 00:53:10,447 --> 00:53:15,567 - I don't want to. - What do you mean? Why don't you? 657 00:53:15,607 --> 00:53:17,802 I dunno, I just don't want to. 658 00:53:17,847 --> 00:53:21,726 - Why isn't he wearing clothes? - He's talking to you. 659 00:53:21,767 --> 00:53:25,760 - Why is he naked, Major? - Why is he naked, Sergeant? 660 00:53:25,807 --> 00:53:28,958 A man was killed in his plane and bled all over him. 661 00:53:29,007 --> 00:53:30,918 His clothes are in the laundry. 662 00:53:30,967 --> 00:53:34,323 - [Dreedle] His other uniforms? - In the laundry, sir. 663 00:53:34,367 --> 00:53:38,121 - Where is his underwear? - In the laundry, sir. 664 00:53:39,247 --> 00:53:42,876 - That sounds like a lot of crap. - It is a lot of crap, sir. 665 00:53:42,927 --> 00:53:46,158 Sir, on my word this man will be punished severely. 666 00:53:46,207 --> 00:53:49,005 What the hell do I care? 667 00:53:49,047 --> 00:53:52,403 If he wants to receive a medal without any clothes on, 668 00:53:52,447 --> 00:53:54,403 what business is it of yours? 669 00:53:54,447 --> 00:53:58,645 - My sentiments exactly, sir. - Here's your medal, Captain. 670 00:54:00,567 --> 00:54:04,037 You're a very weird person, Yossarian. 671 00:54:04,087 --> 00:54:05,281 Thank you, sir. 672 00:54:10,527 --> 00:54:12,597 - You are giving me this? - Yes. 673 00:54:12,647 --> 00:54:14,956 - Perch¸? - Because you're beautiful 674 00:54:15,007 --> 00:54:18,556 and because your name is Luciana - my mother's name. 675 00:54:18,607 --> 00:54:22,282 But my name is Eleonora Rosanna, I only call myself Luciana. 676 00:54:22,327 --> 00:54:25,444 Hey, my mother only called herself Luciana! 677 00:54:25,487 --> 00:54:27,717 Her real name was Eleonora Rosanna. 678 00:54:27,767 --> 00:54:31,555 - I don't believe you. - I don't blame you. 679 00:54:33,767 --> 00:54:36,235 What you get this for? 680 00:54:36,287 --> 00:54:39,120 - Will you believe the truth? - Yes. 681 00:54:39,167 --> 00:54:44,036 OK. I was awarded that particular medal for killing fish. 682 00:54:44,087 --> 00:54:48,922 - Oh. You have killed many fish? - Yes, I am one of the biggest... 683 00:54:48,967 --> 00:54:54,246 I am the most renowned killer of fish in the whole US Army Air Force. 684 00:54:54,287 --> 00:54:56,118 OK. 685 00:54:57,167 --> 00:55:00,603 I dance with you but I won't let you sleep with me. 686 00:55:00,647 --> 00:55:03,719 - Who asked you? - You don't want to sleep with me? 687 00:55:03,767 --> 00:55:07,043 - I don't wanna dance with you. - You crazy. 688 00:55:11,567 --> 00:55:15,446 - Watch where you put your hands, Gl. - My name is Yossarian. 689 00:55:15,487 --> 00:55:18,877 Watch where you put your hands, Yossarian. 690 00:55:18,927 --> 00:55:21,316 [# Kurt Weill: September Song] 691 00:56:13,047 --> 00:56:15,242 [wind whistling] 692 00:56:42,647 --> 00:56:45,161 It's, uh... 693 00:56:45,207 --> 00:56:48,756 - What's his name, the new gunner? - [McWatt] 'Snowden.' 694 00:56:48,807 --> 00:56:50,798 Yeah. 695 00:56:53,407 --> 00:56:56,001 Snowden. 696 00:56:56,047 --> 00:56:57,844 I'm cold. 697 00:56:57,887 --> 00:57:01,197 OK. You're gonna be OK. 698 00:57:01,247 --> 00:57:04,125 I'm cold. Cold. 699 00:57:19,047 --> 00:57:22,483 - There. - Starting to hurt me. 700 00:57:22,527 --> 00:57:26,202 OK. Hang on, I'll get you some morphine. 701 00:57:51,887 --> 00:57:54,037 Milo! 702 00:57:56,527 --> 00:57:58,324 - You prick! - Hi! What's up? 703 00:57:58,367 --> 00:58:02,121 Hey, it's good to see you. When did you get out of the hospital? 704 00:58:02,167 --> 00:58:04,362 We've got things to talk over. 705 00:58:04,407 --> 00:58:08,605 How you feeling? Sorry I didn't visit but I've been in Naples. 706 00:58:08,647 --> 00:58:11,559 - About that parachute... - What parachute? 707 00:58:11,607 --> 00:58:14,644 The one I use if I gotta jump out of the plane. 708 00:58:14,687 --> 00:58:18,157 Ah, that parachute. Remember that your parachute 709 00:58:18,207 --> 00:58:22,041 was just one of 60 parachutes taken over by the syndicate. 710 00:58:22,087 --> 00:58:26,205 I don't care about the syndicate. I don't want your tomatoes! 711 00:58:26,247 --> 00:58:29,717 They're the syndicate's tomatoes. Our tomatoes. 712 00:58:29,767 --> 00:58:31,758 Just as these are our statues. 713 00:58:31,807 --> 00:58:35,766 In fact, that's where all the parachutes went. 714 00:58:35,807 --> 00:58:38,275 You traded my parachute for statues? 715 00:58:38,327 --> 00:58:41,717 No. I traded our diesel engines for the statues. 716 00:58:41,767 --> 00:58:44,964 - I don't have any engines! - Not "your", "our". 717 00:58:45,007 --> 00:58:47,885 I got the engines for two planeloads of lumber, 718 00:58:47,927 --> 00:58:50,282 100 pairs of shoes and the parachutes. 719 00:58:50,327 --> 00:58:53,956 The men aren't gonna be happy about what you're doing. 720 00:58:54,007 --> 00:58:58,159 Don't they understand? We're gonna come out of this war rich. 721 00:58:58,207 --> 00:59:01,882 You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead! 722 00:59:02,927 --> 00:59:06,442 - What does he want? - Who? 723 00:59:06,487 --> 00:59:08,478 Hungry Joe. 724 00:59:08,527 --> 00:59:10,722 [plane engine in distance] 725 00:59:10,767 --> 00:59:14,043 - What is the matter? - I got a feeling. 726 00:59:16,287 --> 00:59:18,357 - I think it is. - What? 727 00:59:18,407 --> 00:59:20,318 - Come on. - [Doc] What is it? 728 00:59:20,367 --> 00:59:24,201 [Yossarian] I don't know but if it's what I think it is... 729 00:59:28,327 --> 00:59:30,397 It's just McWatt. 730 00:59:30,447 --> 00:59:33,678 He's been doing it for months. He's jealous of her. 731 00:59:33,727 --> 00:59:36,605 - She likes you better? - She likes him better. 732 00:59:36,647 --> 00:59:40,765 - Why doesn't she go out with him? - Because she can't stand him! 733 00:59:40,807 --> 00:59:42,718 - Good old McWatt. - Why? 734 00:59:42,767 --> 00:59:44,962 He's carrying me on his manifest. 735 00:59:45,007 --> 00:59:48,238 Every time he goes up, he files my name as a passenger. 736 00:59:48,287 --> 00:59:49,800 I can get my flight pay 737 00:59:49,847 --> 00:59:53,840 without having to do anything stupid like going up in a plane. 738 00:59:53,887 --> 00:59:56,799 - Look! - What is he saying? 739 00:59:58,247 --> 01:00:00,238 He's coming back! 740 01:00:20,127 --> 01:00:23,039 - Who was it? - Hungry Joe. 741 01:00:32,647 --> 01:00:37,357 We'll have to requisition a new photographer from Group. 742 01:00:37,407 --> 01:00:39,557 Is there...anything... 743 01:00:40,607 --> 01:00:42,757 I can do? 744 01:00:42,807 --> 01:00:45,037 McWatt's still up there. 745 01:00:46,247 --> 01:00:48,442 Doc Daneeka's up there, too. 746 01:00:49,487 --> 01:00:51,478 I'm right here. 747 01:00:52,687 --> 01:00:54,678 Come on down, McWatt. 748 01:00:54,727 --> 01:00:59,198 Probably afraid to come down, he knows what kind of trouble he's in. 749 01:00:59,247 --> 01:01:01,920 [engine dies] 750 01:01:01,967 --> 01:01:05,164 - He cut his engine. - McWatt! 751 01:01:07,687 --> 01:01:11,123 Why doesn't Daneeka jump? He's got a chute. 752 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:14,364 I'm right here, Sergeant. I'm not in the plane. 753 01:01:14,407 --> 01:01:16,477 Jump, Doc, jump! 754 01:01:17,527 --> 01:01:20,644 Jump. Jump, Doc... 755 01:01:20,687 --> 01:01:22,678 Please jump. 756 01:01:23,527 --> 01:01:27,805 Jump. Jump! 757 01:01:39,807 --> 01:01:41,798 Poor Hungry Joe. 758 01:01:43,447 --> 01:01:45,642 Poor McWatt. 759 01:01:45,687 --> 01:01:47,882 Poor Doc. 760 01:01:47,927 --> 01:01:50,999 Yeah. Poor Doc. 761 01:01:54,047 --> 01:01:57,642 I'll need a full report on this, Captain Yossarian. 762 01:01:57,687 --> 01:02:02,556 Yossarian. I haven't seen you in some time. 763 01:02:04,407 --> 01:02:06,363 Not since... 764 01:02:08,687 --> 01:02:11,884 - Snowden's funeral. - Snowden. 765 01:02:16,047 --> 01:02:19,403 - Do you want to say something, sir? - What? 766 01:02:20,447 --> 01:02:23,996 I just wondered if you wanted to say anything. 767 01:02:24,047 --> 01:02:28,438 No, I didn't actually know the young fellow. 768 01:02:28,487 --> 01:02:33,356 It was his first mission. Did you know him, Danby? 769 01:02:33,407 --> 01:02:37,286 No, I don't think I ever heard the name. What was it? 770 01:02:37,327 --> 01:02:40,319 - Snowden, I think. - Oh, yes. 771 01:02:41,527 --> 01:02:45,156 Well, I'll just read something. 772 01:02:45,207 --> 01:02:48,040 Yes, you...you do that. 773 01:02:51,367 --> 01:02:55,963 - Is something wrong? - No, I just thought I saw something. 774 01:02:56,007 --> 01:02:58,601 [clears throat] 775 01:02:58,647 --> 01:03:02,276 - A naked man in a tree? - Yes, that's it. 776 01:03:06,567 --> 01:03:10,276 - That's just Yossarian. - Oh. 777 01:03:11,247 --> 01:03:14,683 Oh. Well, in that case... 778 01:03:15,967 --> 01:03:21,246 "The...Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 779 01:03:21,287 --> 01:03:24,484 "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures..." 780 01:03:24,527 --> 01:03:27,121 Hey! 781 01:03:27,167 --> 01:03:32,036 - I've been looking all over for you. - You should've looked in this tree. 782 01:03:32,087 --> 01:03:36,319 I don't want to butt in but why aren't you wearing your uniform? 783 01:03:36,367 --> 01:03:38,562 - I don't want to. - Aha. 784 01:03:38,607 --> 01:03:43,681 I want you to do something for me. I want to serve this to the men. 785 01:03:43,727 --> 01:03:46,719 Taste it and let me know what you think. 786 01:03:49,767 --> 01:03:52,839 - What is it? - Chocolate-covered cotton. 787 01:03:54,007 --> 01:03:55,998 - Are you crazy? - No good? 788 01:03:56,047 --> 01:03:58,117 You didn't take the seeds out! 789 01:03:58,167 --> 01:04:00,727 - Is it really that bad? - It's cotton! 790 01:04:00,767 --> 01:04:03,406 - They've got to learn to like it. - Why? 791 01:04:03,447 --> 01:04:07,520 I saw a chance to corner the market, I didn't know there'd be a glut. 792 01:04:07,567 --> 01:04:11,560 I've got warehouses full all over Europe. I can't get rid of it. 793 01:04:11,607 --> 01:04:15,043 People eat cotton candy. This is better, it's real cotton. 794 01:04:15,087 --> 01:04:19,319 - People can't eat cotton! - They've got to, for the syndicate. 795 01:04:19,367 --> 01:04:23,360 It will make them sick. Try it yourself if you don't believe me. 796 01:04:23,407 --> 01:04:26,444 - I did and it made me sick. - [gunshots] 797 01:04:29,087 --> 01:04:31,396 Look at that. Looks like a funeral. 798 01:04:31,447 --> 01:04:34,325 It's that kid that got killed in my plane. 799 01:04:34,367 --> 01:04:38,440 - Oh? What happened to him? - He got killed. 800 01:04:38,487 --> 01:04:39,761 [gunshots] 801 01:04:39,807 --> 01:04:43,402 - What? - [Yossarian] I said he got killed. 802 01:04:43,447 --> 01:04:45,642 I'm sorry. 803 01:04:48,927 --> 01:04:52,761 - He was your friend? - Maybe, I don't know. 804 01:04:55,007 --> 01:04:57,999 - He was very old. - But he was a boy. 805 01:04:58,047 --> 01:05:01,323 Well, he died. You don't get any older than that. 806 01:05:12,167 --> 01:05:15,159 - Where do you work? - I'm not a whore. 807 01:05:15,207 --> 01:05:17,198 I didn't say you were. 808 01:05:17,247 --> 01:05:20,478 - I work in big American company. - Me, too! 809 01:05:22,287 --> 01:05:24,437 - You want to see me again? - Mm. 810 01:05:24,487 --> 01:05:27,126 - Why? - Why not? 811 01:05:28,247 --> 01:05:30,317 You think I'm beautiful? 812 01:05:30,367 --> 01:05:33,837 - I think you're perfect. - That's not true. 813 01:05:33,887 --> 01:05:36,162 - It is true. - No. 814 01:05:36,767 --> 01:05:39,122 See this? 815 01:05:40,167 --> 01:05:43,398 - Jesus, how did you...? - Air raid. 816 01:05:44,447 --> 01:05:47,598 - Germans? - Americani. 817 01:05:51,327 --> 01:05:53,602 [sighs] 818 01:05:56,047 --> 01:05:58,880 You do not want me now? 819 01:05:58,927 --> 01:06:02,363 What are you talking about? I want you everything. 820 01:06:02,407 --> 01:06:04,762 - I want you to marry me. - You crazy. 821 01:06:04,807 --> 01:06:07,241 - Why? - You can't want to marry me. 822 01:06:07,287 --> 01:06:09,847 - Why not? - I'm not a virgin. 823 01:06:09,887 --> 01:06:12,606 - So? - Nobody wants a girl who isn't. 824 01:06:12,647 --> 01:06:16,196 - I do. I wanna marry you. - Not possible. 825 01:06:16,247 --> 01:06:18,317 - Why not? - Because you crazy. 826 01:06:18,367 --> 01:06:21,120 - Why am I crazy? - Because you want to marry me. 827 01:06:21,167 --> 01:06:26,116 You won't marry me because I'm crazy, I'm crazy because I wanna marry you? 828 01:06:26,167 --> 01:06:28,397 - You're crazy. - Why? 829 01:06:29,487 --> 01:06:33,685 Because I love you. Ti amo. Ti amo molto. 830 01:06:34,687 --> 01:06:38,123 How can you love a girl who is not a virgin? 831 01:06:38,167 --> 01:06:40,522 Because I can't marry you. 832 01:06:40,567 --> 01:06:43,843 Why you can't marry me? Because I'm not a virgin? 833 01:06:43,887 --> 01:06:45,878 No, because you're crazy! 834 01:06:45,927 --> 01:06:47,804 - You crazy! - You're crazy! 835 01:06:49,167 --> 01:06:51,601 - You all crazy! - Why are we crazy? 836 01:06:51,647 --> 01:06:54,684 Because you don't know how to stay alive 837 01:06:54,727 --> 01:06:57,241 and that's the secret of life. 838 01:06:57,287 --> 01:06:59,357 But we have a war to win. 839 01:06:59,407 --> 01:07:03,605 Ah. But America will lose the war. Italy will win it. 840 01:07:03,647 --> 01:07:06,525 America's the strongest nation on earth. 841 01:07:06,567 --> 01:07:11,357 The American fighter is the best trained, best equipped, best fed... 842 01:07:11,407 --> 01:07:16,037 Exactly. Italy, however, is one of the weakest nations on earth 843 01:07:16,087 --> 01:07:21,002 and the Italian fighting man is hardly equipped at all. 844 01:07:21,047 --> 01:07:25,882 That's why my country is doing so well while yours is doing so poorly. 845 01:07:26,927 --> 01:07:29,964 That's silly! Italy was occupied by the Germans 846 01:07:30,007 --> 01:07:31,998 and is now being occupied by us. 847 01:07:32,047 --> 01:07:34,766 - You call that doing well? - Of course I do. 848 01:07:34,807 --> 01:07:38,482 The Germans are being driven out and we are still here. 849 01:07:38,527 --> 01:07:42,042 In a few years, you'll be gone and we'll still be here. 850 01:07:42,087 --> 01:07:45,124 You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country, 851 01:07:45,167 --> 01:07:48,364 yet that is what makes us so strong, 852 01:07:48,407 --> 01:07:54,004 strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence 853 01:07:54,047 --> 01:07:57,164 long after your country has been destroyed. 854 01:07:57,207 --> 01:08:00,404 What are you saying? America won't be destroyed. 855 01:08:00,447 --> 01:08:04,076 - Never? - Well... 856 01:08:04,127 --> 01:08:07,278 Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. 857 01:08:07,327 --> 01:08:11,115 Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. 858 01:08:11,167 --> 01:08:15,843 All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? 859 01:08:15,887 --> 01:08:20,244 How much longer do you think your country will last? 860 01:08:20,287 --> 01:08:21,879 Forever? 861 01:08:26,247 --> 01:08:29,637 Well, forever is a long time, I guess. 862 01:08:29,687 --> 01:08:31,484 Very long. 863 01:08:31,527 --> 01:08:33,961 [woman, laughing] Ciao. 864 01:08:35,047 --> 01:08:38,756 - Please, we're talking. - We go to bed now? 865 01:08:38,807 --> 01:08:43,642 No. Would you go put some clothes on? You're practically naked. 866 01:08:43,687 --> 01:08:46,281 Mmm! [giggling] 867 01:08:46,327 --> 01:08:49,205 I wish she wouldn't walk around like that. 868 01:08:49,247 --> 01:08:52,319 But it is her business to walk around like that. 869 01:08:52,367 --> 01:08:55,564 - But it's not nice. - Of course it's nice. 870 01:08:55,607 --> 01:08:57,962 Mmm, she's nice to look at. 871 01:08:59,007 --> 01:09:02,966 This life is not nice. I don't want her to do this. 872 01:09:03,007 --> 01:09:07,125 [woman] When we go to America? [sister] When we go to America? 873 01:09:07,167 --> 01:09:12,400 You will take her to America? Away from a healthy, active life? 874 01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:17,680 Away from good business opportunities? Away from her friends? 875 01:09:17,727 --> 01:09:21,959 - Don't you have any principles? - Of course not. 876 01:09:22,007 --> 01:09:26,046 - No morality? - I'm a very moral man. 877 01:09:26,087 --> 01:09:29,762 [chuckling] And Italy is a very moral country. 878 01:09:29,807 --> 01:09:33,641 That's why we will certainly come out on top again 879 01:09:33,687 --> 01:09:36,759 if we succeed in being defeated. 880 01:09:36,807 --> 01:09:38,684 You talk like a madman. 881 01:09:38,727 --> 01:09:41,844 But I live like a sane one. 882 01:09:43,887 --> 01:09:46,765 I was a Fascist when Mussolini was on top. 883 01:09:46,807 --> 01:09:50,846 Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-Fascist. 884 01:09:52,167 --> 01:09:56,206 When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. 885 01:09:56,247 --> 01:09:58,841 Now I'm fanatically pro-America! 886 01:10:00,127 --> 01:10:04,996 You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself. 887 01:10:05,927 --> 01:10:08,680 You're a shameful opportunist! 888 01:10:08,727 --> 01:10:12,686 It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. 889 01:10:12,727 --> 01:10:15,195 You have it backwards. 890 01:10:15,247 --> 01:10:19,320 It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. 891 01:10:20,367 --> 01:10:23,757 - I know. - How do you know? 892 01:10:23,807 --> 01:10:27,595 Because I am 107 years old. 893 01:10:30,527 --> 01:10:32,643 How old are you? 894 01:10:33,687 --> 01:10:35,564 I'll be 20 in January. 895 01:10:36,687 --> 01:10:39,076 If you live. 896 01:10:43,367 --> 01:10:45,164 [door opens] 897 01:10:45,207 --> 01:10:48,517 - Ciao, Yossarian. - Hiya, how are ya? 898 01:10:48,567 --> 01:10:52,162 We gotta go back. All the leaves have been cancelled. 899 01:10:52,207 --> 01:10:54,801 - Ciao, Yossarian. - Hello, my dear. 900 01:10:54,847 --> 01:10:58,681 You give me a dollar? I pay you back when we get to America. 901 01:10:58,727 --> 01:11:03,437 OK. Just one. Just one. One! Gimme that. Here. 902 01:11:03,487 --> 01:11:06,285 Come on, Dobbs. Milo's gonna fly us back. 903 01:11:06,327 --> 01:11:09,285 - Why are the leaves cancelled? - I don't know. 904 01:11:09,327 --> 01:11:12,285 Milo says the base is on some kind of alert. 905 01:11:12,327 --> 01:11:15,956 Oh, yeah. Cathcart raised the number of missions to 80. 906 01:11:16,007 --> 01:11:17,759 - 80! - Yeah. 907 01:11:17,807 --> 01:11:21,402 He's mad because Captain Orr lost another airplane. 908 01:11:21,447 --> 01:11:23,039 Where? 909 01:11:23,087 --> 01:11:27,239 Ditched coming back from Bologna, went down in the Mediterranean. 910 01:11:27,287 --> 01:11:29,323 Air-Sea Rescue out there? 911 01:11:30,647 --> 01:11:32,239 Yeah. 912 01:11:32,287 --> 01:11:34,676 They picked up everybody but Orr. 913 01:11:45,607 --> 01:11:49,680 Will you fellas stay away from the airstrip tonight? 914 01:11:50,727 --> 01:11:54,276 - What for? - Just do as I say. 915 01:11:55,327 --> 01:11:58,444 - Stay in your tents. - Why? 916 01:12:00,367 --> 01:12:02,676 - There it is. - What? 917 01:12:02,727 --> 01:12:04,922 [Milo] Orr's plane! 918 01:12:06,447 --> 01:12:09,996 Oh, he'll find his way back. He always does. 919 01:12:10,047 --> 01:12:12,038 [Yossarian] He'll turn up, 920 01:12:12,087 --> 01:12:15,238 he'll sneak in with that rat-toothed giggle. 921 01:12:17,567 --> 01:12:22,038 Aarfy, if anything happens to me, will you take care of my girl? 922 01:12:22,087 --> 01:12:24,157 Listen to him, "his" girl! 923 01:12:24,207 --> 01:12:26,198 - Yossarian? - Don't worry. 924 01:12:26,247 --> 01:12:30,604 Nothing's gonna happen to you that won't happen to the rest of us. 925 01:12:42,967 --> 01:12:44,844 [Yossarian] 'Orr? 926 01:12:45,887 --> 01:12:47,878 'Orr?' 927 01:12:49,007 --> 01:12:51,043 Orr? 928 01:12:53,287 --> 01:12:55,437 Orr. 929 01:12:56,487 --> 01:13:00,844 - I'll be through in a minute. - No, you won't. You always say that, 930 01:13:00,887 --> 01:13:05,358 then I watch you fit some tiny thing into that masterpiece of junk. 931 01:13:05,407 --> 01:13:10,197 - Then I guess you haven't seen it. - You guess I haven't seen what? 932 01:13:10,247 --> 01:13:14,160 A little square gasket, about this big. 933 01:13:14,207 --> 01:13:15,959 - Have you seen it? - No. 934 01:13:16,007 --> 01:13:20,239 - I'll have to start all over again. - Please don't do that. 935 01:13:20,287 --> 01:13:23,757 - Why? - It gives me a terrible pain. 936 01:13:23,807 --> 01:13:26,958 - Why? - Why what? 937 01:13:27,007 --> 01:13:28,998 Why won't you fly with me? 938 01:13:29,047 --> 01:13:33,120 What's that got to do with the pain that you and your bolts give me? 939 01:13:33,167 --> 01:13:35,556 It's got everything to do with it. 940 01:13:35,607 --> 01:13:37,916 Are you trying to tell me something? 941 01:13:37,967 --> 01:13:41,926 Just that if you were smart, you'd fly with me. 942 01:13:41,967 --> 01:13:45,323 - You've cracked up three planes. - Four. 943 01:13:45,367 --> 01:13:47,164 I'm a good pilot. 944 01:13:47,207 --> 01:13:50,358 - I don't want to end up in the sea. - You'd thank me. 945 01:13:50,407 --> 01:13:53,558 - For getting me drowned? - For finishing this stove. 946 01:13:53,607 --> 01:13:56,804 Winter's coming. You'll have heat, hot water... 947 01:13:56,847 --> 01:13:59,919 You'll be able to boil eggs and everything. 948 01:13:59,967 --> 01:14:04,757 - Me? Where are you gonna be? - I dunno. Here and there. 949 01:14:04,807 --> 01:14:08,846 No one wants to fly with you. You're a one-man disaster area. 950 01:14:08,887 --> 01:14:12,641 - They're crazy. - I agree with them. 951 01:14:12,687 --> 01:14:14,678 You're crazy. 952 01:14:42,407 --> 01:14:44,716 Orr? 953 01:15:07,687 --> 01:15:09,678 Orr? 954 01:15:41,607 --> 01:15:43,199 Orr? 955 01:15:43,247 --> 01:15:45,966 [Doc] He's dead. [Yossarian] Who's "he"? 956 01:15:46,007 --> 01:15:48,202 He's just a kid from my home town. 957 01:15:48,247 --> 01:15:51,523 He just died. They came from the States to see him. 958 01:15:51,567 --> 01:15:54,161 - Get in the bed, will you? - What? 959 01:15:54,207 --> 01:15:58,644 His mother, father and brother flew out here. They know he's dying. 960 01:15:58,687 --> 01:16:01,599 - So what do you want me to do? - Be him. 961 01:16:01,647 --> 01:16:04,719 Just for a few minutes, then they'll go away. 962 01:16:04,767 --> 01:16:08,157 They came 5,000 miles to see you before you die. 963 01:16:08,207 --> 01:16:11,324 - I'm not dying. - Of course you are, we all are. 964 01:16:11,367 --> 01:16:14,484 Doc, they'll know! They came to see their son. 965 01:16:14,527 --> 01:16:16,597 They'll have to take what they can get. 966 01:16:16,647 --> 01:16:19,684 One dying boy is as good as another. Or as bad! 967 01:16:19,727 --> 01:16:22,844 - It won't work. - Look, they've come a long way. 968 01:16:22,887 --> 01:16:27,085 I don't wanna disappoint them. I'm sentimental about old people. 969 01:16:27,127 --> 01:16:31,279 - What if they start crying? - They probably will start crying. 970 01:16:31,327 --> 01:16:36,321 I'll wait outside and if it gets sticky, I'll come in and break it up. 971 01:16:37,687 --> 01:16:39,678 I don't think it's gonna work. 972 01:16:39,727 --> 01:16:42,878 Look, do this for me and I'll do something for you. 973 01:16:42,927 --> 01:16:45,725 - Will you ground me? - You know I can't. 974 01:16:45,767 --> 01:16:49,806 You can write a slip saying I'm on the verge of a nervous collapse. 975 01:16:49,847 --> 01:16:51,678 Sure I can. 976 01:17:00,647 --> 01:17:02,842 But there's a catch. 977 01:17:04,887 --> 01:17:09,324 - Catch-22. - Group won't approve my action. 978 01:17:09,367 --> 01:17:11,597 They'll put you back on combat status 979 01:17:11,647 --> 01:17:14,036 and send me to rot in the Pacific Ocean. 980 01:17:14,087 --> 01:17:16,123 - [knocking] - God, here they are. 981 01:17:16,167 --> 01:17:17,839 Start dying. 982 01:17:17,887 --> 01:17:21,800 Do this for me and I'll send you to Rome on a five-day R and R. 983 01:17:38,887 --> 01:17:40,923 He looks terrible. 984 01:17:40,967 --> 01:17:44,118 - He's sick, Pa. - Harvey? 985 01:17:46,007 --> 01:17:47,838 My name is Yossarian. 986 01:17:47,887 --> 01:17:50,276 His name is Yossarian, Ma. 987 01:17:51,567 --> 01:17:55,242 Yossarian, don't you recognise me? 988 01:17:55,287 --> 01:17:59,200 I'm your brother John. Don't you know who I am? 989 01:17:59,247 --> 01:18:03,035 - Sure I do. You're my brother John. - Pa, he knows me. 990 01:18:03,087 --> 01:18:08,036 Yossarian, look, here's Papa. Say hello to Papa. 991 01:18:08,087 --> 01:18:11,045 - Hello, Papa. - Hello, Harvey. 992 01:18:11,087 --> 01:18:14,523 - His name is Yossarian, Pa. - He looks so bad. 993 01:18:14,567 --> 01:18:18,321 He's very sick, Pa. The Doctor says he's gonna die. 994 01:18:19,687 --> 01:18:23,566 - Harvey? - Ma, his name is Yossarian. 995 01:18:24,607 --> 01:18:27,804 She doesn't remember things too good any more. 996 01:18:27,847 --> 01:18:32,204 It's OK. She can call me Harvey if she wants to. 997 01:18:33,647 --> 01:18:36,002 Harvey. 998 01:18:36,047 --> 01:18:38,038 Psst. 999 01:18:41,127 --> 01:18:44,119 Don't worry. Everything's gonna be all right. 1000 01:18:44,167 --> 01:18:46,362 [Yossarian] I know. 1001 01:18:50,047 --> 01:18:52,197 We came all the way from New York. 1002 01:18:52,247 --> 01:18:55,523 We were afraid we wouldn't get here in time. 1003 01:18:55,567 --> 01:18:59,879 - In time for what? - In time to see you before you died. 1004 01:19:00,927 --> 01:19:03,395 What difference would it make? 1005 01:19:03,447 --> 01:19:06,723 [John] We didn't want you to die by yourself. 1006 01:19:06,767 --> 01:19:08,997 What difference would it make? 1007 01:19:09,047 --> 01:19:13,040 He's getting delirious, he keeps repeating the same thing. 1008 01:19:13,087 --> 01:19:16,841 - [sobbing] Harvey. - It's not Harvey, it's Yossarian. 1009 01:19:16,887 --> 01:19:19,765 What difference does it make? He's dying. 1010 01:19:37,487 --> 01:19:39,682 [wind whistling] 1011 01:19:45,447 --> 01:19:49,360 Listen, kid. It's-it's not bad. 1012 01:19:53,127 --> 01:19:55,721 I'm gonna put a tourniquet on it. 1013 01:20:27,567 --> 01:20:32,357 There. It's good. It's a good bandage. 1014 01:20:32,407 --> 01:20:34,841 I'm cold. 1015 01:20:34,887 --> 01:20:37,481 Cold. God. 1016 01:20:37,527 --> 01:20:41,998 It's gonna be OK, kid. We'll be home soon. 1017 01:20:53,287 --> 01:20:55,926 - Does the leg still hurt? - No. 1018 01:21:02,127 --> 01:21:03,526 'Hey, Yossarian?' 1019 01:21:05,167 --> 01:21:08,637 - You in there? - Orr? 1020 01:21:08,687 --> 01:21:12,965 - Is that Orr, you son of a bitch? - It's me, Nately. 1021 01:21:13,007 --> 01:21:16,682 Nately. What's happening? Jesus, it's 3:30 in the morning. 1022 01:21:16,727 --> 01:21:21,198 It's Dobbs, we've gotta stop him. He's gonna kill the Colonel. 1023 01:21:21,247 --> 01:21:23,397 - Cathcart? - Yes. 1024 01:21:23,447 --> 01:21:25,961 Dobbs is gonna kill Colonel Cathcart? 1025 01:21:42,127 --> 01:21:44,357 [cocks gun] 1026 01:21:48,047 --> 01:21:51,801 [# Milo whistling Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder] 1027 01:22:03,207 --> 01:22:05,243 What's the matter with you? 1028 01:22:05,287 --> 01:22:07,960 Nothing. It's the first sane thing I've ever done. 1029 01:22:08,007 --> 01:22:11,716 - They'll get you for murder! - Cathcart's the murderer! 1030 01:22:11,767 --> 01:22:14,884 - Come on, gimme the gun! - Take it easy. 1031 01:22:14,927 --> 01:22:18,203 - You just got a few more missions. - You're crazy! 1032 01:22:18,247 --> 01:22:21,239 He'll raise the number again and you know it! 1033 01:22:21,287 --> 01:22:24,484 He'll keep us flying missions till we're all dead. 1034 01:22:24,527 --> 01:22:26,518 What the hell do you care? 1035 01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:30,116 You don't wanna go home, you're in love with that whore. 1036 01:22:30,167 --> 01:22:32,920 You happen to be talking about my fianc¸e. 1037 01:22:32,967 --> 01:22:35,959 The fianc¸e of any guy with ten bucks, 1038 01:22:36,007 --> 01:22:38,396 who's happy to risk a dose of disease 1039 01:22:38,447 --> 01:22:41,883 for 15 minutes of phoney moans on a dirty mattress! 1040 01:22:42,927 --> 01:22:45,361 Nately! 1041 01:22:54,927 --> 01:22:57,236 Nately? Nately! 1042 01:22:59,647 --> 01:23:04,038 Yossarian... I think I hurt him. 1043 01:23:11,927 --> 01:23:14,316 [Yossarian] Aw, he'll be all right. 1044 01:23:14,367 --> 01:23:17,564 - [footsteps] - [Dobbs] Here he comes! 1045 01:23:17,607 --> 01:23:19,723 - Gimme the gun! - No, listen! 1046 01:23:19,767 --> 01:23:23,840 If he raises the number again, I swear I'll help you kill him! 1047 01:23:23,887 --> 01:23:26,242 - Really? - I swear it. 1048 01:23:26,287 --> 01:23:28,847 That's very reasonable of you. 1049 01:23:28,887 --> 01:23:32,357 [Dobbs] Something's going on. [Yossarian] What? 1050 01:23:32,407 --> 01:23:35,558 [Dobbs] Milo and the Colonel are up to something. 1051 01:23:35,607 --> 01:23:37,279 They've been planning. 1052 01:23:37,327 --> 01:23:40,000 - What's he doing? - Something. I dunno. 1053 01:23:50,567 --> 01:23:54,082 Why didn't they turn their lights on? What the fuck? 1054 01:24:01,287 --> 01:24:03,243 [Dobbs] Yossarian, listen! 1055 01:24:03,287 --> 01:24:06,006 [planes droning overhead] 1056 01:24:06,047 --> 01:24:10,006 - What is this? - Look! 1057 01:24:10,527 --> 01:24:12,199 [inaudible over planes] 1058 01:24:16,247 --> 01:24:18,602 Jesus Christ! 1059 01:24:18,647 --> 01:24:21,923 Run, run, run! 1060 01:24:38,887 --> 01:24:41,003 OK, Number 1 and 2, that was good. 1061 01:24:41,047 --> 01:24:43,038 [man] 'Thank you. What now?' 1062 01:24:43,087 --> 01:24:47,000 Bank left and wait for instructions. All right, Number 3. 1063 01:24:47,047 --> 01:24:51,120 Be careful not to hit our storehouses at the end of the field. 1064 01:24:51,167 --> 01:24:55,604 Direct hit on the mess hall, if you please. And Number 3... 1065 01:24:55,647 --> 01:24:58,480 Hold on, Number 3. 1066 01:24:58,527 --> 01:25:01,280 - Yossarian, get off the field. - What? 1067 01:25:01,327 --> 01:25:05,366 'Take cover. You, too, Dobbs. Number 3, let 'em go.' 1068 01:25:09,047 --> 01:25:11,436 [Yossarian screaming] 1069 01:25:11,487 --> 01:25:13,364 Bastards! Get out of here! 1070 01:25:13,407 --> 01:25:16,843 'Cut that out. Those are our men you're shooting at. 1071 01:25:16,887 --> 01:25:19,606 'This is an M&M Enterprises operation. 1072 01:25:23,207 --> 01:25:26,483 'Number 4 and 5, Number 3 did not get those supply sheds. 1073 01:25:26,527 --> 01:25:30,566 'I told you men to come in low. Right on target this time. 1074 01:25:30,607 --> 01:25:32,802 'Shoddy work will not do.' 1075 01:25:36,047 --> 01:25:38,242 Dobbs! 1076 01:25:49,287 --> 01:25:52,882 What are you doing, Yossarian? Get off the field! 1077 01:25:53,687 --> 01:25:55,882 [gun clicks] 1078 01:25:55,927 --> 01:25:59,806 You're confined to the base. I won't forget this. 1079 01:25:59,847 --> 01:26:03,806 - The Air Force won't forget this. - Don't be ridiculous! 1080 01:26:03,847 --> 01:26:06,884 What's good for M&M is good for the Air Force. 1081 01:26:06,927 --> 01:26:10,715 - There goes the bomb dump! - We had to get rid of that cotton. 1082 01:26:10,767 --> 01:26:15,045 The Germans promised to take it off us if we ran this mission for them. 1083 01:26:15,087 --> 01:26:19,000 - It's all part of the deal. - There goes the Officers Club! 1084 01:26:19,047 --> 01:26:21,402 You made a deal to bomb our own base? 1085 01:26:21,447 --> 01:26:25,565 A contract is a contract. That's what we're fighting for. 1086 01:26:25,607 --> 01:26:29,361 [PA] 'Lieutenant Minderbinder speaking. Clear the field! 1087 01:26:29,407 --> 01:26:33,764 - 'We will soon begin to strafe.' - Strafe? 1088 01:26:33,807 --> 01:26:37,880 - It's all part of the contract. - There goes Headquarters! 1089 01:26:43,327 --> 01:26:45,318 Nately! 1090 01:26:46,607 --> 01:26:48,598 Nately! 1091 01:26:49,327 --> 01:26:51,318 Nately! 1092 01:26:56,287 --> 01:26:58,278 Nately! 1093 01:27:03,887 --> 01:27:05,878 Nately! 1094 01:27:07,367 --> 01:27:09,039 What's that? 1095 01:27:09,087 --> 01:27:11,760 - He said, "Nately". - Nately is dead. 1096 01:27:11,807 --> 01:27:14,719 [1st Doctor] I know. [Yossarian] Who's dead? 1097 01:27:14,767 --> 01:27:18,237 [3rd Doctor] You will be if we don't get at that knife wound. 1098 01:27:18,287 --> 01:27:21,245 - What's happening? - We're going to operate. 1099 01:27:21,287 --> 01:27:23,596 We're gonna take a look inside you. 1100 01:27:23,647 --> 01:27:26,605 We're gonna clean you out and stitch you up. 1101 01:27:29,047 --> 01:27:33,996 - Hey! Yossarian! - [Yossarian] Hmm? 1102 01:27:34,047 --> 01:27:37,722 - We've got your pal. - Hmm? 1103 01:27:37,767 --> 01:27:41,680 You heard me. We've got your pal. 1104 01:27:42,727 --> 01:27:44,604 Who...who's my pal? Who? 1105 01:27:44,647 --> 01:27:47,684 - What's he saying? - Something about his pal. 1106 01:27:47,727 --> 01:27:51,561 - Who's his pal? - I don't know, maybe it's Nately. 1107 01:27:51,607 --> 01:27:52,881 Nately's dead. 1108 01:28:10,167 --> 01:28:14,080 I wouldn't go in there. Looks like something's happened. 1109 01:28:14,127 --> 01:28:18,564 Well, I gotta go find Nately's whore. I gotta tell her he's dead. 1110 01:28:23,767 --> 01:28:25,564 Wanna come with me? 1111 01:28:25,607 --> 01:28:29,202 Not now. I promised her some stockings and cigarettes. 1112 01:28:29,247 --> 01:28:33,445 For her family. I know them. First-class people. 1113 01:28:33,487 --> 01:28:37,560 - OK. I'll see you later. - Sure. 1114 01:28:37,607 --> 01:28:39,962 [jeep approaching] 1115 01:28:46,807 --> 01:28:50,595 - Andiamo. - Yes, we're going. Up to my room. 1116 01:28:53,087 --> 01:28:55,476 You better get off the streets soon. 1117 01:28:55,527 --> 01:28:58,883 It's almost curfew, you don't even have a pass. 1118 01:29:03,727 --> 01:29:05,957 [cat meowing] 1119 01:29:31,327 --> 01:29:35,445 - What happened? - Gone. All gone. 1120 01:29:35,487 --> 01:29:38,399 - Who? - All the poor young girls. 1121 01:29:38,447 --> 01:29:41,280 All gone. Taken away. 1122 01:29:42,367 --> 01:29:46,201 - Who took 'em away? - The white-hats. 1123 01:29:46,247 --> 01:29:50,923 - The white-hats... The MPs? - Yes, the MPs. 1124 01:29:53,727 --> 01:29:56,116 Where did they take 'em? 1125 01:29:56,167 --> 01:29:58,522 Who knows? All gone. 1126 01:30:03,567 --> 01:30:06,604 - Where's the old man? - Gone. 1127 01:30:06,647 --> 01:30:09,923 - Gone where? - Dead. 1128 01:30:09,967 --> 01:30:11,719 What? 1129 01:30:11,767 --> 01:30:15,442 He was alive one minute, then he was dead. 1130 01:30:15,487 --> 01:30:18,718 - He can't be. - Why not? 1131 01:30:26,247 --> 01:30:29,603 Where did they take the girls? Did they arrest them? 1132 01:30:29,647 --> 01:30:33,640 I don't know. They just came in and took them. 1133 01:30:35,287 --> 01:30:39,599 They must have had a reason. They couldn't just drag them away. 1134 01:30:39,647 --> 01:30:41,638 No reason. 1135 01:30:43,327 --> 01:30:46,717 - What right did they have? - Catch-22. 1136 01:30:57,607 --> 01:30:59,916 What? What did you say? 1137 01:30:59,967 --> 01:31:02,162 Catch-22. 1138 01:31:11,687 --> 01:31:14,201 How do you know it was Catch-22? 1139 01:31:14,247 --> 01:31:18,445 The girls said, "Why are you taking us away?" 1140 01:31:18,487 --> 01:31:21,240 The men said, "Catch-22." 1141 01:31:21,287 --> 01:31:24,802 The girls said, "What right do you have?" 1142 01:31:24,847 --> 01:31:27,361 The men said, "Catch-22." 1143 01:31:27,407 --> 01:31:32,083 All they kept saying was, "Catch-22, Catch-22." 1144 01:31:32,127 --> 01:31:34,277 What does it mean? 1145 01:31:34,327 --> 01:31:37,603 Didn't they show you? Didn't you ask them to read it? 1146 01:31:37,647 --> 01:31:41,686 - They don't have to show it to us. - Who says so? 1147 01:31:41,727 --> 01:31:45,436 - The law says so. - What law? 1148 01:31:45,487 --> 01:31:47,478 Catch-22. 1149 01:32:02,967 --> 01:32:05,003 [excited voices overlapping] 1150 01:32:06,047 --> 01:32:07,639 [whistle tooting] 1151 01:32:07,687 --> 01:32:09,803 [women shouting, indistinct] 1152 01:32:53,847 --> 01:32:55,599 [vehicles approaching] 1153 01:33:24,127 --> 01:33:26,516 Milo! Milo! 1154 01:33:28,687 --> 01:33:32,965 Milo, I'm gonna kill you, you murdering son of a bitch! 1155 01:33:34,567 --> 01:33:36,159 Easy, don't hurt him. 1156 01:33:36,207 --> 01:33:39,244 I know how you feel but it wasn't my fault. 1157 01:33:39,287 --> 01:33:41,437 - Whose fault was it? - No one's. 1158 01:33:41,487 --> 01:33:44,479 Nately was the victim of economic pressures, 1159 01:33:44,527 --> 01:33:48,520 - the laws of supply and demand. - You unbelievable bastard! 1160 01:33:48,567 --> 01:33:50,717 [grunts] 1161 01:33:54,087 --> 01:33:56,885 - Do you want me to take you to her? - Who? 1162 01:33:56,927 --> 01:33:59,999 Nately's whore, isn't that who you're looking for? 1163 01:34:00,047 --> 01:34:02,845 - Do you know where she is? - Of course I do. 1164 01:34:19,367 --> 01:34:23,519 You're AWOL, Yossarian. I thought you knew better than that. 1165 01:34:23,567 --> 01:34:26,957 - Nately would never be that dumb. - He's dead. 1166 01:34:27,007 --> 01:34:30,761 - Too bad. He was nice. - Your boys made a nice direct hit. 1167 01:34:30,807 --> 01:34:33,765 But he died rich - 60 shares in the syndicate. 1168 01:34:33,807 --> 01:34:36,367 - So? He's dead. - His family'll get it. 1169 01:34:36,407 --> 01:34:39,399 - He didn't have one. - His parents'll get it. 1170 01:34:39,447 --> 01:34:43,679 - They don't need it, they're rich. - Then they'll understand. 1171 01:34:48,727 --> 01:34:50,877 Ask for number 33. 1172 01:35:49,847 --> 01:35:51,917 Hello, Yossarian. 1173 01:35:55,527 --> 01:35:58,360 - I didn't know. - That I work for Milo? 1174 01:35:58,407 --> 01:36:00,762 Everybody works for Milo. 1175 01:36:00,807 --> 01:36:05,597 Yeah. Well, he told me to ask for number 33. 1176 01:36:05,647 --> 01:36:07,922 Mm-hm. 33? 1177 01:36:12,967 --> 01:36:14,958 $10, please. 1178 01:36:21,367 --> 01:36:23,517 No towel, Yossarian? 1179 01:36:36,367 --> 01:36:39,359 - Hello, Yossarian. - Hi, kid. 1180 01:36:45,607 --> 01:36:48,405 - Where's your sister? - In there. 1181 01:36:48,447 --> 01:36:50,597 - You give me a dollar? - Yeah. 1182 01:36:50,647 --> 01:36:53,844 - We go to America soon? - Sure, kid. 1183 01:37:01,287 --> 01:37:03,721 - Ciao, Yossarian. - Hi. 1184 01:37:03,767 --> 01:37:07,521 - You make love now? - No, no. Listen. 1185 01:37:07,567 --> 01:37:11,276 - Uh, I have to tell you something. - Nately? 1186 01:37:11,327 --> 01:37:12,965 Yeah. 1187 01:37:13,007 --> 01:37:14,804 He's coming? 1188 01:37:14,847 --> 01:37:16,838 Uh, no, not exactly. 1189 01:37:18,367 --> 01:37:23,202 - We go to America soon? - Yeah. Listen... 1190 01:37:23,247 --> 01:37:26,159 - When we go? - Listen... 1191 01:37:29,487 --> 01:37:31,717 Nately's dead. 1192 01:37:34,807 --> 01:37:37,560 Bruto. Bruto! 1193 01:37:38,607 --> 01:37:41,679 - T'ammazzo! T'ammazzo! - It wasn't me! 1194 01:37:44,327 --> 01:37:46,443 It's not my fault! 1195 01:37:46,487 --> 01:37:49,843 - T'ammazzo! - He was my friend, you dumb bitch! 1196 01:37:49,887 --> 01:37:51,878 [all shouting at once] 1197 01:37:54,927 --> 01:37:59,159 T'ammazzo! T'ammazzo! T'ammazzo! 1198 01:37:59,207 --> 01:38:01,596 [shouting continues] 1199 01:38:09,167 --> 01:38:13,445 Assassino! Assassino! 1200 01:38:38,887 --> 01:38:41,082 [# Man singing opera, faint] 1201 01:41:19,807 --> 01:41:23,516 - I only raped her once. - You killed her! 1202 01:41:23,567 --> 01:41:28,083 I had to after that. She couldn't go round saying bad things about me. 1203 01:41:28,127 --> 01:41:31,756 You dumb bastard! Why not get some girl off the streets? 1204 01:41:31,807 --> 01:41:35,436 Oh, no, not me. I never paid for it in my life. 1205 01:41:35,487 --> 01:41:38,206 [jeep pulls up outside, doors slam] 1206 01:41:38,247 --> 01:41:41,956 [man] Come on, get back! Back up, folks. 1207 01:41:50,087 --> 01:41:54,080 Aarfy, are you insane? They're gonna throw you in jail. 1208 01:41:55,407 --> 01:41:58,717 You just killed a girl. She's lying in the street! 1209 01:41:58,767 --> 01:42:02,601 She has no right to be there, you know. It's after curfew. 1210 01:42:14,847 --> 01:42:17,839 Don't you realise what you've done? 1211 01:42:17,887 --> 01:42:21,436 You've murdered a human being! They can hang you! 1212 01:42:21,487 --> 01:42:25,196 I don't think they'll do that, not to good old Aarfy. 1213 01:42:25,247 --> 01:42:29,923 They won't care about one Italian girl when thousands die every day. 1214 01:42:29,967 --> 01:42:32,959 Aarfy, listen. They're coming to arrest you. 1215 01:42:33,007 --> 01:42:36,795 You can't take the life of another human and get away with it! 1216 01:42:36,847 --> 01:42:41,045 - They're coming to get you! - [footsteps pounding up stairs] 1217 01:42:51,367 --> 01:42:53,562 - Captain Yossarian? - Yes? 1218 01:42:53,607 --> 01:42:56,326 - You're under arrest. - But I didn't... 1219 01:42:57,367 --> 01:42:59,483 You're AWOL. 1220 01:42:59,527 --> 01:43:01,643 [sirens approaching] 1221 01:43:03,847 --> 01:43:06,645 [Cathcart] 'We're sending you home.' [Yossarian] 'What?' 1222 01:43:08,287 --> 01:43:10,801 I said we're sending you home. 1223 01:43:10,847 --> 01:43:15,637 [Korn] You've made things terribly difficult for Colonel Cathcart. 1224 01:43:15,687 --> 01:43:19,680 The men are unhappy, morale is beginning to deteriorate. 1225 01:43:19,727 --> 01:43:23,561 - It's all your fault. - It's his, for raising the number. 1226 01:43:23,607 --> 01:43:27,486 [Korn] You refuse to fly. [Cathcart] Have you no patriotism? 1227 01:43:27,527 --> 01:43:31,759 Wouldn't you give your life for your country? For Colonel Korn and me? 1228 01:43:31,807 --> 01:43:35,163 What have you and Colonel Korn got to do with my country? 1229 01:43:35,207 --> 01:43:39,439 You're a disgrace to your country! How did you get to be a captain? 1230 01:43:39,487 --> 01:43:43,685 - You promoted me. - That has got nothing to do with it! 1231 01:43:43,727 --> 01:43:46,605 Let me. Let me. 1232 01:43:46,647 --> 01:43:51,675 Captain, I'd like to appeal to your better judgment one more time. 1233 01:43:51,727 --> 01:43:55,879 There's a mission about to start. You can get on that plane 1234 01:43:55,927 --> 01:43:59,681 and we'll just pretend that all of this never happened. 1235 01:43:59,727 --> 01:44:04,642 Yossarian, won't it make you feel proud to know you served in an outfit 1236 01:44:04,687 --> 01:44:08,919 that averaged more combat missions per person than any other? 1237 01:44:08,967 --> 01:44:11,276 Don't you want more unit citations 1238 01:44:11,327 --> 01:44:14,444 and more oak-leaf clusters on your air medal? 1239 01:44:14,487 --> 01:44:18,400 Don't you want to contribute further to this fleet record 1240 01:44:18,447 --> 01:44:20,642 by flying more missions? 1241 01:44:20,687 --> 01:44:22,200 No. 1242 01:44:23,247 --> 01:44:27,718 [Korn] In that case, we'll just have to send you home. 1243 01:44:27,767 --> 01:44:30,201 Of course, there's one catch. 1244 01:44:31,487 --> 01:44:33,284 Yeah? What's that? 1245 01:44:34,367 --> 01:44:38,918 Well, we will issue orders sending you back to the States 1246 01:44:38,967 --> 01:44:43,324 and there's one thing you have to do for us in return. 1247 01:44:43,367 --> 01:44:45,562 What would that be? 1248 01:44:53,727 --> 01:44:56,002 Like us. 1249 01:45:11,727 --> 01:45:14,195 Like you? 1250 01:45:15,447 --> 01:45:17,244 Like us. 1251 01:45:17,287 --> 01:45:20,996 You'll be surprised how easy it is to like us once you begin. 1252 01:45:21,047 --> 01:45:24,164 You see, we're going to put you on Easy Street. 1253 01:45:24,207 --> 01:45:28,166 [Cathcart] Make you a major. [Korn] Give you another medal. 1254 01:45:28,207 --> 01:45:32,086 - Send you home a hero. - You'll have parades in your honour. 1255 01:45:32,127 --> 01:45:35,483 You can make speeches, raise money for war bonds. 1256 01:45:35,527 --> 01:45:38,758 [Korn] And all you have to do is be our pal. 1257 01:45:38,807 --> 01:45:41,321 [Cathcart] Say nice things about us. 1258 01:45:41,367 --> 01:45:45,519 [Korn] Tell the folks at home what a good job we're doing. 1259 01:45:45,567 --> 01:45:47,717 [plane roars by] 1260 01:45:49,207 --> 01:45:51,641 Take our offer, Yossarian. 1261 01:45:51,687 --> 01:45:55,999 [Cathcart] It's either that or a court martial for desertion. 1262 01:46:02,887 --> 01:46:07,438 What about the others? I'd be playing a dirty trick on them. 1263 01:46:07,487 --> 01:46:12,356 [Korn] They'll be happy you're gone. [Cathcart] They have a war to win. 1264 01:46:16,967 --> 01:46:18,958 Well, what the hell. 1265 01:46:19,007 --> 01:46:22,317 If they don't want more missions, let them say so. 1266 01:46:22,367 --> 01:46:25,643 - Precisely. - Exactly. 1267 01:46:29,167 --> 01:46:31,362 It's a deal. 1268 01:46:43,167 --> 01:46:45,044 [planes droning overhead] 1269 01:47:08,487 --> 01:47:10,637 [Nately's whore] Assassino! 1270 01:47:20,607 --> 01:47:23,167 [weakly] Help! Help! 1271 01:47:39,087 --> 01:47:41,282 [wind whistling] 1272 01:47:46,367 --> 01:47:47,880 [McWatt] 'Help him!' 1273 01:47:47,927 --> 01:47:50,680 - What? - 'Help him! Help him!' 1274 01:47:50,727 --> 01:47:53,241 - Help who? - 'Help the bombardier!' 1275 01:47:53,287 --> 01:47:57,599 - I'm the bombardier, I'm all right. - 'Then help him! Help HIM!' 1276 01:48:09,807 --> 01:48:11,957 I'm cold. 1277 01:48:12,007 --> 01:48:14,567 Cold. God. 1278 01:48:14,607 --> 01:48:19,123 It's gonna be OK, kid. We'll be home soon. 1279 01:48:30,127 --> 01:48:33,085 - Does the leg still hurt? - No. 1280 01:48:46,247 --> 01:48:48,283 [engine roars] 1281 01:49:02,927 --> 01:49:05,043 There, there. 1282 01:49:12,887 --> 01:49:14,878 There, there. 1283 01:49:16,967 --> 01:49:18,958 There, there. 1284 01:49:32,727 --> 01:49:35,116 [# Marching band in distance] 1285 01:49:42,447 --> 01:49:45,007 [knock at door] 1286 01:49:45,047 --> 01:49:48,119 - [Tappman] May we come in? - Sure. 1287 01:49:48,167 --> 01:49:50,806 - I see you're all alone. - Yep. 1288 01:49:50,847 --> 01:49:53,042 Well, you're going home. 1289 01:49:55,207 --> 01:49:58,802 - I don't know if I am. - I've got your orders right here. 1290 01:49:58,847 --> 01:50:02,920 That parade they're rehearsing is for you. You're a hero. 1291 01:50:02,967 --> 01:50:07,677 And you're gonna get a medal for stopping that Nazi killing Cathcart. 1292 01:50:07,727 --> 01:50:11,925 That wasn't a nazi. That was Nately's whore. 1293 01:50:11,967 --> 01:50:15,846 She tried to kill me because I told her about Nately. 1294 01:50:17,647 --> 01:50:21,959 - But-but the Colonel said that... - It's a deal I made with them. 1295 01:50:22,007 --> 01:50:23,838 They send me home a hero 1296 01:50:23,887 --> 01:50:27,721 and I say wonderful things about them back in the States. 1297 01:50:31,807 --> 01:50:33,798 Oh. 1298 01:50:35,687 --> 01:50:38,076 That's a lousy deal, isn't it? 1299 01:50:40,247 --> 01:50:43,398 - Isn't it? - Well... 1300 01:50:46,367 --> 01:50:48,676 Isn't it? 1301 01:50:48,727 --> 01:50:51,799 I don't know, I'm not here to judge you. 1302 01:50:51,847 --> 01:50:53,963 What are you here for? 1303 01:50:55,647 --> 01:50:58,081 I'm not too sure about that either. 1304 01:50:59,967 --> 01:51:02,276 What would you do if you were me? 1305 01:51:04,327 --> 01:51:07,717 I don't know. I mean, I'm not you. 1306 01:51:09,487 --> 01:51:11,682 Imagine that you are me. 1307 01:51:13,887 --> 01:51:19,086 That's hard. Sometimes I even have trouble imagining that I'm me, 1308 01:51:19,127 --> 01:51:21,118 if you know what I mean. 1309 01:51:24,847 --> 01:51:27,077 Well, I'm gonna call the deal off. 1310 01:51:27,127 --> 01:51:31,040 Let them send me home because I've flown over 50 missions. 1311 01:51:31,087 --> 01:51:34,716 - They'd have to send home every man. - That's their problem. 1312 01:51:34,767 --> 01:51:38,282 No, it's yours because they'll court-martial you. 1313 01:51:38,327 --> 01:51:41,524 - Make the best of a bad situation. - No. 1314 01:51:41,567 --> 01:51:43,558 No what? 1315 01:51:45,247 --> 01:51:49,399 I've been lying in this bed for three weeks thinking about it 1316 01:51:49,447 --> 01:51:52,803 and all I know is I don't want to go to prison 1317 01:51:52,847 --> 01:51:55,281 and I can't play Cathcart's game. 1318 01:51:56,967 --> 01:52:00,357 Well, what else can you do? 1319 01:52:00,407 --> 01:52:02,796 I can run away. 1320 01:52:03,847 --> 01:52:06,122 - You'd desert? - Why not? 1321 01:52:06,167 --> 01:52:09,125 How would you get off the base? That's insane. 1322 01:52:09,167 --> 01:52:11,442 That's why it's so sensible. 1323 01:52:11,487 --> 01:52:14,524 They'll call you a coward. It's your country. 1324 01:52:14,567 --> 01:52:18,242 Christ, I've flown 55 missions and fought three years, 1325 01:52:18,287 --> 01:52:20,198 now I'll fight for myself. 1326 01:52:20,247 --> 01:52:24,559 - Suppose everyone feIt that way? - I'd be a fool to feel different. 1327 01:52:24,607 --> 01:52:27,075 What would your friends say? 1328 01:52:27,127 --> 01:52:31,086 I haven't got any. Nately was blown to bits, 1329 01:52:31,127 --> 01:52:33,516 McWatt killed himself, 1330 01:52:33,567 --> 01:52:38,004 Hungry Joe was chopped in two, Dobbs disappeared, 1331 01:52:38,047 --> 01:52:40,436 Aardvark's a murderer, 1332 01:52:40,487 --> 01:52:43,001 Doc Daneeka's a zombie... 1333 01:52:44,687 --> 01:52:46,678 They're all gone. 1334 01:52:46,927 --> 01:52:50,840 The only friend I had was Snowden and I didn't even know him. 1335 01:52:50,887 --> 01:52:53,401 What about Orr? 1336 01:52:53,447 --> 01:52:55,722 Orr's at the bottom of the sea. 1337 01:52:55,767 --> 01:52:58,327 No, he isn't. Don't you know? 1338 01:52:58,367 --> 01:53:00,835 - Know what? - Orr's in Sweden. 1339 01:53:00,887 --> 01:53:02,684 What? 1340 01:53:02,727 --> 01:53:07,118 After 16 weeks at sea, Orr was found by a trio of Swedish Girl Scouts. 1341 01:53:07,167 --> 01:53:09,886 - It's a miracle. - He rowed all the way. 1342 01:53:09,927 --> 01:53:12,521 - He rowed? - In that tiny little raft! 1343 01:53:12,567 --> 01:53:14,956 Think of that, all the way to Sweden! 1344 01:53:15,007 --> 01:53:17,919 - He'll sit out the rest of the war. - It's a miracle! 1345 01:53:17,967 --> 01:53:20,959 It's no miracle. He has to have planned it. 1346 01:53:21,007 --> 01:53:24,966 - He went to Sweden deliberately? - It's 4,000 miles away! 1347 01:53:25,007 --> 01:53:28,841 He always said that crash-landing was good practice. 1348 01:53:28,887 --> 01:53:33,165 - Getting shot down in the sea. - On every mission that he flew! 1349 01:53:33,207 --> 01:53:34,879 [both laughing] 1350 01:53:34,927 --> 01:53:36,963 No, no, no. That is a miracle. 1351 01:53:37,007 --> 01:53:38,156 [both laughing] 1352 01:53:38,207 --> 01:53:43,076 [Tappman, laughing] Practising getting shot down in the sea! 1353 01:53:43,127 --> 01:53:45,243 He made it? 1354 01:53:47,007 --> 01:53:49,077 He made it? 1355 01:53:50,727 --> 01:53:55,243 He made it! That son of a bitch made it! 1356 01:53:55,287 --> 01:53:58,404 [# Marching band: Stars And Stripes Forever] 1357 01:54:05,967 --> 01:54:10,518 - Are you crazy? Is he crazy? - If he made it, so can l! 1358 01:54:10,567 --> 01:54:13,718 - [Danby] We gotta stop him. - I can do it, Danby! 1359 01:54:13,767 --> 01:54:16,440 - They'll catch you! - I can do it! 1360 01:54:16,487 --> 01:54:18,796 - This is insane! - I can do it! 1361 01:54:18,847 --> 01:54:22,078 - But your clothes! - They'll never recognise me. 1362 01:54:22,127 --> 01:54:25,676 You'll be on the run, in constant danger of betrayal! 1363 01:54:25,727 --> 01:54:28,082 [chuckling] I live that way now. 1364 01:54:28,127 --> 01:54:31,563 - For God's sake, hurry up! - So long, Chaplain. 1365 01:54:31,607 --> 01:54:36,044 - How do you feel, Yossarian? - Fine, except I'm scared to death. 1366 01:54:36,087 --> 01:54:39,238 - You'll have to keep on your toes! - I will. 1367 01:54:39,287 --> 01:54:41,323 - You'll have to jump. - I'll jump. 1368 01:54:41,367 --> 01:54:43,244 Jump! 1369 01:54:53,407 --> 01:54:56,205 [# Stars And Stripes Forever continues]