[instrumental music]
(male narrator) Once upon a time
when rivers ran blue
and the air in the valley was sweet and clean..
* There was a crooked man *
* He went a crooked mile *
* Well now he always wore *
* A crooked smile *
* Of all the crooked men *
* In all the crooked west *
* This man was *
* The crookedest *
* There's a crooked tree *
* Just waiting for him *
* Lived by the crooked rule *
* Do unto others first *
* And win another way *
* From bad to worst *
* He was a gambling man *
* Learned at the age of eight *
* How to deal *
* A crooked straight *
* There's a crooked tree *
* Just waiting for him *
* By a crooked stream *
* Sometimes when going straight *
* Starts looking good to you *
* Send for that crooked man *
* He'll see you through *
* Going his crooked way *
* Taking the crooked trail *
* Riding his crooked mule *
* Swishing the crooked tail *
* Smiling his crooked smile *
* Ooh yeah but all the while *
* There's a crooked tree *
* Just waiting for him *
* Will he ever give in **
[crickets chirping]
[squawking]
Mm-mm.
[laughing]
[parrot squawking]
Lord, for what we are about to receive
make us properly grateful.
(in unison) Amen.
[gun cocks]
Ah, nothin' like a fried chicken
while it's still hot and crispy.
So, the quicker you open that safe and give us the money
the quicker you can get back to that tasty-lookin' chicken.
Safe? You're mistaken, son.
There's no safe in this house.
[parrot squawking]
[instrumental music]
Oh. Excuse me, ma'am.
[music continues]
Wayne, you'd better do like he says.
A man works like a nigger all his life to get ahead.
Some bastard just comes along and takes it from him.
It's just a few pennies I put aside for a rainy day.
You got enough there for a flood, Mr. Lomax.
Damn. Must be a million dollars.
Mrs. Lomax.
Saddlebag isn't gonna be big enough.
Well, Hobbs, get something bigger.
It just ain't the same when it gets cold.
Is this alright?
Those were my mother's.
Must have been a fine figure of a woman.
(Paris) 'Oh, don't feel so bad'
Mr. Lomax.
You got rich once, you can do it again.
Think of it as a kind of a challenge.
(Hobbs) 'That's all of it.'
I do hate to eat and run like this.
[squawking]
[music continues]
[squawking]
[gunfire]
[horse neighs]
Aah!
[gunshots]
[dramatic music]
[glass shatters]
[gunshots]
[squawking]
[glass shatters]
[gasps]
What are you doing here? Get out there and help!
Oh!
[gunshot]
You ain't gonna get your ass shot off
for no White man's money.
[gunshots]
[squawking]
Aah!
[firing continues]
[music continues]
Aah!
[music continues]
[gunshot]
[parrot squawking]
[grunts]
[instrumental music]
[snakes hissing]
[music continues]
[snakes rattling]
[doorbell ringing]
Come on, upsy-daisy, girls. Come on, girls.
Come on. Look lively.
Come on, now. Brighten up.
[birds chirping]
- Well, look who's here. - Good evenin', Goldie.
Oh, you poor man, you're all wet.
- And drunk. - Well, come on in.
You'll catch your death.
[birds chirping]
[sighs]
I got no business here, Goldie.
Being, as you know, cleaned out.
Oh, honey, we all heard about that.
It's just terrible, just terrible.
I thought if I could just sit down for a while.
Oh, well, sure, an old customer like you
Friday nights just ain't been the same without you.
All that money.
It's just hell.
Even my poor parrot.
He's gone clean out of his mind since that night.
[sniffles]
Oh, honey, you'll be back
on your feet before long.
Look, I tell you what.
How would you like to go upstairs
and have a look through the peephole?
Hmm?
But, but doesn't that cost almost as much--
We'll put it on the house.
[chuckles]
[laughing]
- Evening, Wayne. - Evening, judge.
You're late. Just missed the fireworks.
[laughing]
[sighs]
Um.
[laughing]
Ah!
[gasps]
[laughing]
(Wayne) B-b-by God!
By God!
'It's him!'
'By God, i-it's him!'
- 'It's him!' - Ah.
'By God, it's him!'
'It's him!'
It's him!
'It's him!'
By God, it's him!
Society has got to be protected
against the likes of you.
Paris Pitman Jr.
having been found guilty of armed robbery
you're hereby sentenced to ten years
in the territorial prison.
[dramatic music]
[giggling]
[moaning]
(male #1) 'This time I caught you, you little bastard!'
- This time? - Yeah.
You all through messing around with my daughter.
'I told her what I was gonna do by God'
this time I'm gonna do it.
Daddy, thank God you came in.
But I just met her tonight. Tell him!
Ah! Bull.
[thud]
[instrumental music]
(Cyrus) 'It was the Good Friday'
'of 1873.'
'I was asleep in my sinner's bed.'
Not alone, I gotta admit.
And suddenly..
...a bolt of lightning struck the air.
And a strange white light filled my room.
And I heard the voice of our blessed Lord.
And he said..
..."Cyrus."
And I said..
..."That's me, Lord."
And he said..
..."I want you to do my work."
And I fell to my knees and cried..
..."What shall I do, Lord?"
And then he said
"From this minute on, you're gonna preach
"the gospel of holdin' out a helpin' hand..
...to the less fortunate in our midst."
Good people of Deuteronomy.
How many of you here today
count your blessings
because you or your loved ones are not deprived
of two or more of your natural senses?
[indistinct chatter]
Dudley.
Dudley!
[woman screams]
As you see, poor Dudley cannot hear a word I say.
He must read my lips.
Dudley, go to the easel.
(Cyrus) 'Folks, keep your eyes'
'on this poor man'
'with the mind of a backward boy.'
He cannot utter the simplest word.
He cannot hear the loudest sound.
Dudley there
was born a Mongolian idiot.
'A common mule'
'had more reason for bein' in this world.'
But the hand of Providence
guided this stray lamb
to the Calvary Mission
where his remarkable talents began to blossom.
Thank you, ma'am.
[instrumental music]
(Cyrus) 'Bless you, ma'am.'
'Thank you, sir.'
[music continues]
'Thank you, sir.'
'Every little offering helps.'
'Thank you.'
I thank you, friends, I thank you.
Your unbounded generosity will be known
all the way to Racine, Wisconsin.
Now, in gratitude for your kindness
the Calvary Mission for the deaf and dumb
would like to present to you
Dudley's beautiful rendition of Moses
and the burning bush.
And I take great pleasure in handing over
this inspirational subject on your behalf
to United States Marshal Johnson.
Jumping Jesus, my heinie!
My, my, my, my, my, my
my heinie's on fire!
[people screaming]
'My heinie's on fire!'
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[shutter rattles]
- You sleep late. - I work late.
That's why I'm here.
'Make it easy on yourself.'
If you stay in town, I'll have to arrest you.
There'll be a trial, you'll get six months.
I guarantee it.
'On the other hand, I'll give you'
'two hours to get out.'
Sheriff..
...maybe we could talk this over.
Now you've got one hour.
Herr sheriff. Herr sheriff.
Robbed! Robbed, I just got.
- In broad daylight. - Who did it?
Robber, who else?
He-He went into the saloon.
[indistinct chatter]
Floyd Moon.
[dramatic music]
Floyd, you're in a little trouble, don't make it worse.
Give me your gun.
[music continues]
Come on, Floyd. Hand over your gun.
[speaking in German]
Your gun, Floyd. I want you to give it to me.
Sure, sheriff. Anything you say.
[woman screams]
[indistinct chattering]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Alright, out.
Get out of there!
Alright, one, two, three
four, five, six, follow me.
Welcome to the Territorial Prison, gentlemen.
I shall assume we all have one thing in common
a burning desire to be elsewhere.
But we're not.
My name is Francis E. LeGoff.
I'm your warden.
'None of you has been particularly adept'
at living according to the ruleson the outside.
You'll do better here.
[snorts]
- Yes? - Oh.
He-He-He's just got phlegm, Your Honor.
[sniffs]
The rules then.
No singing, no whistling.
Any man who can walk works on the rock pile.
"All prisoners are required to attend the hangings.
Coy Cavendish."
Yes, sir.
The date for your hanging has not yet been set.
'In the meantime, obey the rules.'
Yes, sir.
Which one is, um, Paris Pitman?
Uh, Junior?
Junior.
They're ready for you, warden.
[instrumental music]
Right this way, gents.
Is everybody here, one, two
three, four, five, six..
Over here!
That's it. Now, just follow me.
[indistinct chattering]
Looks like you boys are gonna be cellmates.
Got a nice, big cell for ya. Only one feller in it.
What's he like?
- He's the Missouri Kid. - The Missouri Kid?
One of the greatest train robbers that ever lived.
One of the greatest.
There must've been a hell of a bounty on him.
One of the biggest.
[instrumental music]
How do you do there?
You can call me Kid.
Alright, Kid.
My name is Paris.
This one here's mine.
You're welcome to the rest.
Get out of that bed, Dudley, you know, I gotta sleep low.
Finders, keepers. You take the top one.
Now, you know, I got a bad heart.
I'm not allowed to do any climbing.
Horse manure. There's nothing wrong with your heart.
I said, I got a bad heart, you son of a bitch!
You, you fat-ass old bully.
Hey, Kid..
'..you been here a long time?'
Always.
Hey, you must be that Chinaman.
I heard tell he wrung the neck off some other Chink
in a railway gang.
If it was a white man, they'd have strung him up
on the spot.
What about you?
- I, uh, I pulled three years. - Um-hm.
- What about you, son? - Two.
Because he cried in front of the judge.
You should've seen him sniveling like a street whore.
Fish piss.
If it hadn't been for me, you'd have got more, fraud.
You must know anawful lot about what goes on here, I bet.
[scoffs]
- Aah.. - Excuse me.
Where's the gents?
He's got his foot on it.
I say, you must know an awful lot about what goes on here.
You ain't pulled much time in the pokey, have you, son?
If you want something, you'll pay for it.
I'll pay my way.
Hey, Tobaccy!
Listen, every spindle in this place has a dodger game.
This one here is Tobaccy.
He sells you, like, cigarettes and plug.
Another one is whiskey.
And then there's sweets.
Ain't got a fella here named Poontang, have you?
[laughing]
- Yeah? - What's the going rate?
Five tailor-mades for a dollar.
Go and pay the man.
- Alright. - Start asking.
How many ever bust out of here?
Now, don't ponder on that, it'll just weaken your mind.
'How many?'
[sighs] Well, none that lived
to tell about it.
What time do they change the guards?
And where?
It's always different times and different places.
And it's never all at once.
They don't miss a trick.
Those on the front gate, always the same number on top?
Below?
Believe me, sooner or later you're gonna give up.
[instrumental music]
(Kid) Son, let me tell you somethin'.
It'll help you make your time here.
About 25 years ago..
...uh, when I seen
I wasn't ever gonna get out of this place..
...I said to myself..
..."Kid," I said
"Kid, you, you better figure out
some way to keep from going cuckoo."
'Well, you know, I..'
...I tried this and I tried that.
And then...one day
like sun light
it come to me.
- A way to bust out of here. - No.
There ain't no way out.
No, listen.
I thunk me up...a farm.
'I mean, not a big place, it..'
'There's no more than 25 acres'
'but it's real good land.'
And now when things get
too tough around here for me.
I just close my eyes..
...and I farm that land.
'Well, anyway, I was thinkin', son..'
...if you was to get yourself
get yourself a farm, a store or somethin'.
Why? It would help you to pass the time.
It'd give you somethin'.
Give you somethin' to think about.
Thanks, Kid, but...I got
something to think about.
[explosion]
'Alright, get to work!'
Heya! Heya!
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, hey, come on.
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.
We thought some little, bitty ones might come in handy.
Uh, you see, there's this shoulder wound
I got at Gettysburg.
'I was just a kid.'
- Name. - Cavendish.
- First name. - Coy.
Coy?
Maybe we can find something easier for you to do.
Let's talk about it sometime.
Hey! Hey! Come on!
Hit it! Hey, hey!
'Hey!'
'Hit it! Hey! Hey!'
[instrumental music]
Oh, my God, how will I live through this?
I've got the chilblains all over.
I can feel my consumption coming back.
The one you caught at Gettysburg?
How can you eat that?
Oh, this ain't that bad.
It ain't as good as my cooking.
It'll be a long time before you get
anything that good again.
Uh, you got some gall to talk like that.
If you hadn't backed your butt into that stove..
You put me here, just like you'll be the death of me.
Fish piss. It's no one's fault we're here but yours.
If you'd have listened
we could've had a nice little house
you could've got a decent job
and gone to work the way that other men do.
I would have cooked and cleaned
and worked my fingers to the bone.
But, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That wasn't good enough for you, Mr. Big-Ideas.
"Just one more dodge. Make a million.
Uh, easy money. Huh."
Everything I did, I was only thinking of us.
- Lies. - Of you!
Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.
Just a pack of lies.
I'm comin' down with somethin'.
Yeah.
Consumption, I tell you.
Yeah, consumption.
My lungs are gonna go ahead of my heart.
Well, have consumption.
I don't care what part of you goes first.
[thunder rumbling]
- Your name Paris Pitman? - Yeah.
- 'Junior?' - That's me.
Hey.
Hey, now, hold it.
Now, what's the trouble?
Why don't we talk about this?
[grunts]
You sure you got the right man?
[grunting]
Let's be reasonable.
[grunting]
(male #2) 'That's it.'
[groaning]
[instrumental music]
[cricket chirping]
I've known Woody Lopeman for 15 years.
I'd give him the shirt off my back.
But that don't mean I'm gonna let
this town go down the drain.
Hold on there, Harry.
It ain't like he was an out-and-out cripple.
He's doin' his job.
(male #3) 'The way I see it'
it's about time we got us a sheriff
who can treat that jailhouse scum like they was meant to be.
- What do you mean by that? - Face up to it, Billy.
He always did mollycoddle those bastards.
Christ, look at how he got it.
Askin' a robber to hand his gun over to him.
I don't care what the man's style is.
He kept this town clean and quiet.
He did his job good.
That's exactly what I'm trying to telling you.
He did his job, but he can't do it no more.
(male #4) 'Doc, now, you know I'm right.'
Can a sheriff with a busted-up limb do his job?
For my money he's..
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Thought the two of us were gonna have a talk.
I can't wait forever.
Things can get tougher, you know.
They can also get easier, too.
It's up to you.
Go to hell!
What was that?
He said, "Go to hell."
Get to work!
This could be the beginning
of something big.
Such as what?
Such as we could be running
this place pretty soon.
They just, must not like your face.
They keep trying to change it.
There's got to be a reason, Kid.
Somebody's got to have something in mind.
Yeah, but whatever it is..
...they're playing it close to the vest.
I couldn't find out nothin'.
So, what are you gonna do?
Well, for one thing, I've gotta get me some help.
Mm-hm.
[instrumental music]
(Kid) 'Six to two'
he spits in your eye.
You got a bet.
[dramatic music]
Cabbage, my ma would have to whip me
before I'd eat it.
Well, I guess it's a matter of taste.
I notice you happen to like it.
I hate it.
Here.
Take mine.
I've been watching you, Floyd.
What's going on inside you?
Nobody knows but you.
Smart.
Real smart.
I hear you shot it out with a sheriff.
Cut him down to size, I hear, huh?
Yeah, that's a pretty feisty thing to do, if you did it.
I bet there ain't a man in this yard with your guts.
If you did it.
Uh, well..
I was, uh..
...I was drunk.
And I still beat him to the draw, by God.
[laughs] Ain't that somethin'?
You must be the goddamnedest shot in this territory.
- Just one of the best. - A sheriff?
He must have been crazy to tangle with you. Huh?
- Well. - Must've been a pretty big job.
Hey, you don't shoot a sheriff
if he caught you spitting on the floor.
[laughs]
I've had my share of the big ones, alright.
Yeah, big jobs, big outfits.
- The best, right? - That's right.
They had to be.
You're only as good as your worst man.
Well, me, I never could afford to be choosy
who I had on my side.
I'd wind up with some of the worst
lamebrains you ever saw.
You know, this time in Nogales--
(male #5) 'Hey, four-eyes.'
Now, this time in Nogales, there was this little bank--
(male #6) 'Hey, four-eyes!'
'We're tired of coming to you.'
This time you come to us, you yellow bastard.
[indistinct chatter]
[screaming]
[grunts]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[grunting]
Alright, come on, break it up.
Get back.
Come on, get back.
Come on.
Nice work, son.
(male #7) 'Pitman.'
Pitman.
The warden wants to see ya.
What the hell is this?
In here, Pitman.
Warden.
[music box chiming]
You have $500,000 hidden somewhere..
...and it isn't doing you any good.
Son of a bitch.
So that's what somebody had in mind.
Pitman, what sort of man do you think I am?
I don't know, hadn't thought
about it much, to tell the truth.
Not a happy one, I can tell you.
Does that surprise you?
Nothing surprises me.
The truth is, I find the atmosphere of this place
stifling, depressing, boring..
I'm sure you feel the same though perhaps
not for the same reasons.
Keep talking, sir.
Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars
would do me very nicely.
I could go abroad, perhaps Mexico, live happily.
You help me to escape and I'll do the same for you.
Not a bad bargain.
Not a good one, warden.
That's half the money.
You'd like to keep it all.
Am I being selfish?
Your first few weeks here
have been difficult.
I'm not much good to you dead, warden.
Perhaps not.
Still..
...life is full of surprises.
So keep an open mind, you never can tell.
No, uh, no, I don't like
having my mind too open.
It makes it easier
once you get around to changing it.
I tell you, it was all I could do
to keep from pitchin' in.
But the truth is, I once killed a man
with old Mary Ann here.
Mary Ann was his mother's name.
Judas Priest.
[instrumental music]
Solitary?
[music continues]
(Kid) 'Hey, Tobaccy.'
Give him these, will you? I owe him.
Come on, Kid, you know he's not allowed.
They're gonna be his last!
Hey, Kid.
What are you do with that when it gets ripe?
Smoke it, you silly son of a bitch. What else?
Smoke it?
[laughing]
[indistinct chatter]
Cyrus, I just can't figure it.
What's Skinner got against the boy?
Oh, for God's sakes, Dudley.
[all laughing]
Could've had it so easy.
[indistinct chatter]
Aah!
[Coy groaning]
Who threw that?
He did.
Aah!
[all clamoring]
[gunfire]
Oh!
(LeGoff) 'Come on, you guys!'
Come on, you dumb bastards!
Move! Stop it!
Stop it!
Stop it, you hear?
'Stop it!'
Stop them! Get in there and stop them!
you Chink son of a bitch!
Chop, chop, chop, chop!
What are you doing? Stop it.
Let go of me.
Let go of me, you Chi..
[screaming]
[bones cracking]
[groaning]
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
Sir.
Tell your commanding officer
the new warden's here.
[music continues]
This place is bigger than I thought it'd be.
Mr. Lopeman.
Colonel Wolff.
Well, I'm not sorry to see you.
Things seem quite enough now.
The last man I heard say that was General Custer.
What's that gonna be?
Well, that was supposed to be
new quarters for the warden.
What was wrong with the old ones?
The last warden just wanted something bigger
and I guess he got it.
Look here, they told me something
and I just couldn't believe it.
Did you ask for this job?
That's right.
But nobody asks to be warden
of this prison, Mr. Lopeman.
Even Daniel didn't wanna walk into the lion's den.
These aren't animals, colonel.
You could've fooled me.
I'm your new warden.
My name is Lopeman.
'You've all raised a lot of hell last week.'
Here's what it got you
six dead and you're still here.
From now on, if something's bothering you
come tell me about it.
I mean that.
Tell me first.
That's all. Eat your breakfast now.
[indistinct chatter]
What's this?
It's solitary, sir.
[instrumental music]
How long has he been here?
Ten days, sir.
Get him to the doctor.
There ain't none.
[music continues]
This one?
It's the longest. Three weeks.
[dramatic music]
Well, you must be the new warden.
What the hell is this?
Come in, come in.
Cigar, warden? Compliments of the old warden.
Don't smoke? Eh, drink maybe, hmm?
You don't drink.
Well..
...I guess you wanna hear the truth.
It'd help.
Well, maybe you ain't heard but I got 500,000
thousand that is, dollars in US legal currency
hid in a hole somewhere in this territory.
And nobody knows where but me.
Now, the man who used to have your job
got to brooding on it after a time
as I expect you will and, uh..
[chuckles] Well..
I'll save you the trouble and tell you what we was gonna do.
After four weeks of solitary
it's enough to kill any man
I was supposed to break.
You know, start yelling like "Alright, alright
"get me out here, I'll tell you where I hid the money
"but the only person I'll tell it to is the governor himself
face to face."
[chuckles]
'Sounds like something out of one of 'em dime novels'
'don't it?'
Well, anyway here's the ticket.
Warden LeGoff was gonna take me out of here
under his personal guard
'to see the governor, well, me being'
'such an important desperado, see?'
'Only thing, on the way to the capital'
we was gonna drop by and visit with my money.
Split it down the middle
hightail it to Mexico.
'Live like kings.'
But...as it turned out
Warden LeGoff has gone on to a far greater reward.
Which is just about the luckiest thing
that ever happened to you.
[both laughing]
Uh, back to the rock pile, right?
You guessed it.
[chuckles]
'Warden..'
...two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
[chuckling]
[instrumental music]
Thank you for everything, colonel.
- I'll be seeing you again. - I hope so.
The way it works around this prison
I generally see wardens only once.
[chuckles]
[instrumental music]
Somebody in this pokey
must have an idea how to bust out.
Forget it, son.
For $500,000 there's got to be a first time.
Five hundred thousand?
I know whoever comes up with a way
you split with him.
You're quick, Cyrus.
But can you keep your mouth shut?
No, he can't.
I got it! I got it! I tell you.
'Well, let it out.'
Easy.
A tunnel outta here.
Ten feet down, 50 feet out
and we're free and clear on the other side of the wall.
You hold it right there, Cyrus.
You're gonna do your three years
'and we're gonna walk outta here.'
(Cyrus) 'You know my heart can't'
take three years in this place!
It ain't your heart that's weak, it's your head!
(Paris) 'Turn it off, turn it off.'
It'd take you three years to dig the tunnel
then where would you be?
On the other side of the wall?
I wanna get a lot further than that.
Right, Coy?
Anyway..
...start smelling around
and don't forget one thing.
I'm putting my trust in all of you
keep quiet.
Like askin' a pack of coyotes
to keep quiet about a dead horse.
[instrumental music]
[gunfire]
'We've already got more stone'
we can use for the new building.
Starting now, there'll be no more work
in this quarry except for punishment.
[all cheering]
You'll all return to the yard where you'll be
assigned new jobs.
[all cheering]
That man there will remain in the rock pile.
Warden, I figure by now every man in this prison
knows about my 500,000.
Yep, yeah, they'll be laying awake nights
each one tryin' to bust me out of here to get his share.
Well, you had your chance.
Pitman..
...come over here.
(Lopeman) 'Between this place and the nearest town'
there's...50 miles of crap and cactus.
One man on the loose out there
you're too smart for that.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
- Paris Pitman is in your cell. - So?
- He's got a notion of escaping. - Does he?
You know he does, Moon. We all do.
- Do we? - Goddamn it, sit down.
I'm not saying you know what he's gonna do
probably doesn't know that himself yet.
When he makes up his mind
you'll know about it a lot sooner than I will.
I will?
You'll get paid. Hell, Moon, you've done it before.
You sold out gangs to every sheriff in the territory.
That's how you made your livin'.
You've even done it for me. Remember Simmons?
That was different.
I never could stand Simmons.
He was a mean son of a bitch.
And all the others before him?
I didn't care about them neither.
But you do care about Pitman, is that it?
You think he's your friend.
Yeah.
I guess that's what he is.
A friend.
So you finally found one.
That's all. Go back to your cell.
[mellow music]
Step it up, boys. Step it up.
'Left, right, left, right, left, right.'
[indistinct chatter]
'Left, right, left, right, left, right.'
Paris, whatever that is that you're drawing
you can see it clear across the yard.
Hmm..
Hey, you three, down there! What's all that talk about?
Oh, just trying to get this whitewash
the, the right shade, captain.
Them buzzards on that wall don't miss a trick, do they?
'Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left'
'left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left.'
[chatter continues]
Pick it up.
Pick it up, you stupid Chink.
Pick it up!
[gunfire]
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
What's going on?
Goddamn Chiney won't move.
What's troubling you, Ah-Ping?
[dramatic music]
Come on down and talk about it.
[music continues]
Ah-Ping, hold it!
Warden, don't you a muscle.
Ah-Ping
put it down.
Put it down.
Put it down, Ah-Ping.
'Now come on down.'
Come on.
'Come on down.'
Why don't you go back to the cell
and take it easy, huh?
See you in my quarters after supper.
Yes, sir.
Pitman, this afternoon, why'd you do that?
Just wanted to see if I could.
I ask you in here to say thanks, and you smart mouth me.
(Paris) 'Oh, is that why you asked me here?'
I'm gonna tell you something.
Doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me
but those men look up to you.
What does that mean to you?
Oh, maybe an extra cup of coffee, a few cigarettes..
Don't you give a damn what you mean to them?
What you can do for them?
So long, warden. I'll see you around the yard.
Why do you work at it so hard, proving to yourself
you're a son of a bitch?
Because I am.
It's my profession, and I'm at the top.
- Top of a prison yard? - Not for long.
It's not so easy being a leader of men, is it?
'Pitman..'
...those men out there are filthy as hogs.
Can't you at least get them to take a bath?
[laughing]
[indistinct chatter]
- Missouri Kid, you're next. - No!
There's a limit, dammit! A man's got his pride!
Come on, Kid, everybody's gotta take a bath once in his life.
I ain't gonna to do it.
I ain't gonna get in there!
Soap and water ain't gonna kill you.
It's the idea of the thing! It's humiliating! You..
Paris, I'll give you ten smokes.
I'll give you 15 smokes.
Paris. 20. Twenty specials.
Please stop this.
Twenty five! Special..
[laughing]
Listen, I've had this thing on
for 35 years.
And you're not gonna get me out of it now!
Oh, for God's sakes, leave them on, Paris!
It's the only way they ever gonna get washed.
Kid, we all gotta go some time.
[laughing]
[cheering]
[sniffles]
Oh, my God.
This is worse than I thought.
Mmm.
Hey, cut that out, Kid.
No peein' in the water.
* Didli ai di ai di di da da da doom *
* Long Ike and sweet Betsy got married of course *
* But Ike getting jealous obtained a divorce *
* And Betsy well satisfied *
* Cried with a shout *
* Goodbye you big lummox *
* I'm glad you backed out **
Alright, Watkins, you're clean enough.
Yes, sir.
Well, that's the whole lot, warden.
Oh, no, it isn't.
Hey, now, hold on, you can't mean--
You know, standing downwind of you like this.
- I began to notice a-- - Alright. Alright.
I'm goin' in.
[chuckling] Hey, not a bad idea, at that.
This way, we'll always know when you're coming.
Even on a dark night.
Uh, just a minute.
Have it your way, warden.
Just stay away when we're eating, please?
God dammit.
Which of these is the freshest?
Well, I wouldn't let a cow drink out of any of 'em.
[instrumental music]
(Warden Woodward) 'It's gonna be alright.'
- 'Alright.' - What is?
They kicked and fussed, but they did it, they took their bath.
Pretty soon they're gonna be doing it regularly.
The same with going to school
they'll take to it after a while.
Paris, in two years, you won't recognize this place.
It won't do you any good.
[in unison] I took the bullets out.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
You look like you know what you're doin'.
- 'Were you ever a painter?' - 'Painters?'
Why, we're artists, folks used to come
from miles around to buy our pictures.
We could use a few around this place.
Flowers, landscapes, scenes from the Bible, angels.
Angels? Angels is what we do best.
'Why, you'd think they're gonna right fly off the wall.'
Alright, loudmouth, do one.
What?
Let's see you draw one damn angel.
Even a straight line.
Actually, uh, I just give him the ideas, you see.
Yeah, but she ain't got much in the chest department.
She's an angel, stupid.
So what? She's still a woman, ain't she?
(Floyd) You know, you ought to forget about them angels
Whinner, and just draw tits.
[laughing]
That ain't how I remember 'em.
That's how they are.
Every guy in this prison would pay real money
'for a picture like that.'
Big money for something better than angels.
[instrumental music]
Psst. Come here, friend.
Beautiful, beautiful. Remember?
How about that..
Put this man on the rock pile.
Work him all day, every day till I say stop.
Yes, sir.
(Paris) 'Warden?'
You sure came down on him.
That sort of thing really gets you, don't it?
[chuckles] As I recall, you don't imbibe strong spirits either.
What do you do?
Poor old McNutt.
The hell, all he's tryin' to do is turn an honest dollar.
See that spindle over there?
Yeah.
Go over to him and pass the time of day.
- What am I supposed to do? - Just be friendly-like.
Try to walk in.
How are you today, Otis?
One more step and I'll blow your head off.
How are them angels coming along?
Use up lots of paint.
[laughing] The way you draw them, I can hardly wait to get to heaven.
What are you laughing at? He was gonna blow my head off.
Yeah, it's a wonder your back ain't broke.
Little bastard.
He draws tits and I draw the rock pile.
Still, I sure wish we could get
Dudley to bust out with us.
To hell with Dudley Whinner.
- Count me in. - Cyrus, that ain't the point.
It ain't you we need, it's him.
Since he don't seem to take to it, looks like you're out.
'Alright that oughta do it, boys.'
Paris!
Let me work on him. I'll swing him around.
Think so?
Strikes me, when that little fella makes up his mind
he just don't budge.
'Course, if anybody could budge him
I guess you'd be the one, but, uh, well..
Come on!
[instrumental music]
Oh, Paris.
Like you to meet our doctor, Dr. Loomis.
Doc, this is Paris Pitman. He's our..
Well, sort of our foreman around here.
Pitman.
- Looks good. - Thank you.
Looks real good.
Doctors, dining rooms..
Pretty soon, folks will be paying to get this place.
It'll be fine, just fine.
Two more weeks.
At the most, two weeks.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Kid.
How often do you go in guards' barracks?
Whenever it needs cleanin'. Why?
How many guns they keep in there?
Oh, at least 15 smokes.
How about $15,000 instead?
Do you mean that you want me with you?
No, I'm just an old coot. I-I'd slow you up.
Not you, Kid. You got more savvy than any of 'em.
And the fact that I can get to them
guns don't mean a thing, does it?
Kid, maybe I can con the rest of 'em.
But I wouldn't try it on you.
I swear I never seen a man so full
of cow shit in my whole life.
Hey, how can you say a thing like that?
Listen, you pissant..
...this is the Missouri Kid you're talkin' to.
Fifteen thousand dollars.
A real farm..
...not a dream.
Think about it.
What the hell.
Why not?
Oh! Oh!
- Now just stop it. - Stop what?
(Dudley) 'The con.'
You're not foolin' anybody.
It's just embarrassin'.
[sighs]
Oh!
They're killin' me by inches, Dudley.
You'll outlive us all.
You got a lotta inches.
I hope.
Everybody heard that.
So you really think I'm tryin' to pull a con job, are you?
I don't think.
I know.
Oh, alright.
'Alright, then.'
'I'll show you.'
I can't take this kinda life
one more minute.
I'd just as soon go now
as embarrass anybody anymore.
[panting]
[chuckles]
[gagging]
Cyrus!
Cyrus, Cyrus!
For God's sake, help me!
[gagging]
[panting] I gotta get out. I gotta get out.
Alright, Cyrus. Alright, we'll go.
We'll go.
[Cyrus panting]
I guess we're in.
[dramatic music]
Alright, good.
Now, we need 12 sticks of dynamite.
You can get 'em, Dudley.
We need that much to blow up the wall.
We're going out through the wall, huh?
No.
When the time comes, you're gonna blow it.
- And I get the guns. - Right.
- What about me? - Coy..
You're gonna be opening the front gate.
[laughing]
Yes, sir, we're gonna leave the way we come in.
And when will that be?
(Paris) When I say.
[thunder rumbling]
Sounds like it's gonna be a big one.
That's good.
It's good for my crops.
* Lord abide with me *
* Fast falls.. *
- 'Mornin', Otis.' - 'Mornin'.'
* The eventide *
* The darkness deepens *
* With me abide *
* When other helpers *
* Fail and comforts flee *
* Help of the helpless *
* Abide with me *
[humming]
* Lord with me abide *
* When other.. *
* Lord with me abide *
* When other.. **
Uh, w-what are you working on now?
Huh? Oh, inspirational pictures.
Uh, for the new dining hall.
[humming]
Dudley, how are you fixed for paint?
I got just what I need.
[humming continues]
Come on, boys, break it up.
[indistinct chatter]
Alright, boys, break it up. Lock up time.
Eight O'clock already?
My, the days fly.
Pitman, I've been looking for you.
Warden wants you in the dining hall.
Alright, boys, let's break it up back there.
Now.
Don't all leave at once.
[dramatic music]
Warden.
I wanted you to see it first.
Not bad.
[laughing] Pretty good.
Yeah, it's better than that.
A hell lot of the credit goes to you.
I suppose so. You too.
I won't deny it. I've had my share of problems.
Those fellas at the capital they don't understand
what I'm tryin' to do here.
They never even heard of these new ideas of
penal reform and rehabilitation.
Me neither.
You're what they mean.
Paris, tomorrow they'll all be on hand
for the opening of the hall here.
Lieutenant governor, territorial commissioner
all of 'em, and I don't want 'em to ever forget it.
They'll make some speeches, they always do
and then comes
a favor I want from you.
Yeah. To get up, representing the men, say a few words.
Show the lieutenant governor what it's all about here.
What we're like here, the spirit we have.
- Right. - I'm sorry, warden.
- Why not? - The answer's no.
Don't tell me you can't make speeches.
You could talk a coyote out of a chicken.
Look, you asked me to start them taking baths. I did it.
It was a lot of fun.
You wanted me to help build this place. Sure.
Something to pass the time. Better than swinging a pickaxe.
But I'm not giving speeches to make you look good, warden.
- That's not the idea. - I'm not gonna be your boy.
- That's not what I'm asking. - Of course it is!
Where's Whinner's paintings?
- What's that got to do with it? - Where are they?
Would you want those hanging on the walls of a prison mess hall?
Why not?
'Help keep their minds off the food.'
Tell me..
...when are you gonna hang Coy?
When?
Next week. I just got the word yesterday.
But you weren't letting it out till after tomorrow.
- Thought it'd be easier on him. - And you.
And your grand opening of a goddamn mess hall.
- 'Warden.' - What is it?
Whinner's here, he said, you sent for him
to make some changes on the paintings.
- Tell him to wait. - Yes, sir.
'Believe me, I've put in enough pleas'
for clemency to choke a horse.
All I got back was "The law is the law."
The law? No law told you to build this!
No law told you to get a new doctor
or teach 'em to read or give 'em baths.
'But hangin' a 17-year-old kid'
who didn't know what the hell he was doin'.
Who'd know the difference if you buried a box of garbage?
Who'd care anyway?
It's my duty to uphold the law.
I'm sworn to uphold the law, you son of a bitch.
Right.
That's what I am.
But so are you, warden.
Make your own speeches.
Now, warden?
[instrumental music]
[horses clopping]
[music continues]
Yo! Hut!
- Mr. Strong. - Woody.
Hope you had a pleasant trip.
It was just God-awful.
[music continues]
[groaning]
Get the doc!
[indistinct chatter]
[groaning]
(Floyd) 'It's in my belly, doc.'
Alright. Move him. Take him into the hospital.
Gently. Gently.
[groaning]
(male #8) 'Alright, men, break it up!'
'Form the lines again and let's get this yard cleaned up.'
'Pick up the pace.'
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[indistinct chatter]
Miss Brundidge.
Sit down, everybody.
In a few minutes, you'll be eating
the first meal in the new dining hall.
[door closing]
[cutlery clanking]
[clanking continues]
Gentlemen.
[clears throat] Prisoners.
Your warden has asked me here today to, um
see this new building.
He seemed to think it was pretty big onions
that you built it yourself.
'Well, it's a pretty fair job, I'd say.'
'Pretty fair job.'
'If some of you had applied yourselves this way before'
'you wouldn't be here now.'
[prisoner coughing]
'Still uh, still I, uh, guess you do have reason to be proud.'
'Come to think of it, I, um'
suppose this is the only dinning hall in the world
ever built by murderers and bandits.
'Even rapists.'
[prisoners laughing]
Beggin' your pardon, miss.
[clears throat]
'This territory has laws for men to live by'
'and that's the real point of everything.'
When you haven't got laws, you've got lawlessness.
'And that leads to crime.'
Chicken?
I practically ain't seen chicken
since I studied anatomy.
- Enjoy it, doc. - Thank you.
[cutlery clanking]
[clanking continues]
[footsteps]
[instrumental music]
(male #9) 'Say, Kid, what's going on over there?'
In honor of the new mess hall
the governor's giving everybody a full pardon.
[chuckles]
Hmm, what have we got for supper here?
- Ah! - Chicken.
[music continues]
Now.
[music continues]
[crackling]
[trumpet music]
[music continues]
I tore my pants. I'll be right back.
[coughing]
[prisoners applauding]
[crackling]
(Miss Brundidge) '"In the fell clutch of circumstance'
'"I have not winced nor cried aloud'
"'under the bludgeonings of chance.'
"My head is bloody, but unbowed
"Beyond this place of wrath and tears
"looms but the horror of the shade
"and yet the menace of the years
"'finds, and shall find me'
"'unafraid.'
'"It matters not how strait the gate'
'"how charged with punishments..'
Where's Tobaccy?
I don't know. He must've slipped out.
I am the captain of my soul."
[applause]
[prisoners banging on table]
We'll say grace now.
(Warden) 'Lord, for what we're about to receive'
'make us properly grateful.'
Warden.
Warden, I'd like to say a little something on behalf of the men.
You go right ahead.
[indistinct chatter]
He's what I mean.
He's the kinda man I was talking about.
Um-hmm.
On behalf of the men, I'd like to express
to the lieutenant governor
and to you, warden, and to the school teacher
'and the other distinguished guests'
and all those law-abiding citizens out there
just how much all this means
to us in here.
Imagine, after all we've been, all we've done to society..
...we get chicken and green peas..
...and mashed potatoes.
[prisoners cheering]
[indistinct yelling]
[crackling]
[shouting continues]
* Ra ra ra ra rum *
* Ro-ro ra-ra rum *
* Ro-ro ra-ra hm *
* Dum-m *
* Ro da.. **
[instrumental music]
Hey, Kid.
What's goin' on?
Who.. You know you're not supposed to be in here.
[gunfire]
[indistinct shouting]
[crackling]
[explosion]
[instrumental music]
That's the way they're goin' out, block it up!
[indistinct yelling]
'Now.'
[yelling continues]
Gordon!
[gunshots]
[indistinct chatter]
Gordon!
[indistinct chatter]
[grunting]
[indistinct yelling]
Come on.
Gordon!
[gunshot]
[indistinct chatter]
[glass shatters]
Gordon!
[glass shattering]
'Gordon!'
[indistinct chatter]
(male#1) 'Come on, now!'
[shattering]
[indistinct yelling]
Big gun, where's the Kid, huh?
Well, he went after 'em.
[gunshot]
[gunsfire]
[grunts]
[gunshots]
Twenty-five acres shot to hell!
What am I gonna tell the bank?
[firing continues]
That's it...I'm done for.
- Well, where's the Kid? - Dudley, there's the wagon.
You and Cyrus get in there and be ready.
Once that gate's open, we'll all pile in and take off.
[gunshot]
Alright, Coy, now's your chance.
Get that gate open.
We'll keep 'em off your back.
I thought, we were goin' out the gate.
That's how they think we'd go.
[gunshots]
But Coy?
That boy's due to hang next week.
So, what's the difference?
This way he's got a chance. Come on.
And them other two?
Uh, you wouldn't wanna run with them two old daisies
now, would you? Would you?
Come on.
[chuckles]
[indistinct chatter]
[gunshots]
[gates screeching]
[grunts]
Uh.
[gunshots]
(male #10) 'Paris.'
[grunts]
[dramatic music]
[gunfire continues]
[music continues]
[gunshots]
[music continues]
[gunfire continues]
[music continues]
[gunfire continues]
[clicks]
[gunfire continues]
[groaning]
[chuckles]
Goddamn, we made it! Free and clear!
[laughing]
Ah! Oh, yeah!
[Floyd laughing]
Floyd.
- This is as far as you go. - Huh?
This is as far asyougo, Floyd.
[chuckles] No, I'm going with you.
You sold out your own gang.
I couldn't risk that.
Someday you're just liable to turn me in.
No. I wouldn't do that to you, Paris.
Ask Lopeman. I'm your friend!
[gunshot]
[grunts]
[gunshot]
[horse galloping]
Where are they? They ought to be here by now.
They ain't comin'.
"Ain't comin'?" What do you mean "Ain't comin'?"
Paris said he was gonna be--
Cyrus, they ain't comin'.
See these specs?
They ain't real. Just plain window glass.
Whole thing's been a swindle, Cyrus
and we've been taken.
All the way down the line.
Then what are we waitin' here for? We got the wagon.
- The gate's open! - No, Cyrus.
[gunshots]
But it's clear sailin'! Urgh!
Even if we got out, they'd catch us by nightfall.
I've-I've, I've only got 17 months left to do here.
Soon as I can, I'm gonna find some work.
Get us a nice little house in a good little town.
By the time you get out
I'll have it all ready and waitin' for you.
- But, Dud-- - That's the way of it, Cyrus.
That's what we're gonna do.
[instrumental music]
Damn it, Dudley! Come back here!
[grunting]
[music continues]
I mean it and I really mean it this time!
In all my days, I never met such an ornery
mulish, stubborn..
It's just like that time in Albuquerque.
I said it then, I say it now. We're finished.
Finished! We're quits.
You are, without a doubt, the most pig-headed
stupid son of a..
Ah. Fish piss.
[instrumental music]
[splashes]
[music continues]
We've rounded up ten more.
Take my advice and hang five, keep the rest of them in line.
How many still on the loose?
We haven't found your boy, if that's what you mean.
That's what I mean, he's mine. I mean to get him.
(male #11) 'I believe it.'
I mean to kill him.
Big territory. Where will you look?
He stole the money near Smithfield.
He must have hid it around there.
That's where's he'll be... and that's where I'll be.
[instrumental music]
(female #1) 'Hold it right there, mister.'
[music continues]
[horse galloping]
[parrot squeaking]
Watch where you're goin', mister.
This parrot has been sick.
Excuse me, both of you.
Two years a widow.
Can't see how a woman like you could stand it.
Shut up, horse thief.
[moaning]
(Paris) 'Bet he wasn't this good.'
(female #1) 'Shut up. Shut up!'
[moaning]
[doorbell rings]
Well, hello there. Come on in and rest yourself.
You know a man named Paris Pitman?
- Never heard of him. - Yes, you did.
Man who stole all that money. They caught him here.
Oh! Why, that boy is in prison, ain't he?
- You the law? - That's right.
Oh, why don't you come on in anyway?
Yes. Pretty good fit.
A little bit tight.
Hey, he must have been a might skimpy
around the shoulders too, huh?
Yes, he was.
I wish he was here right now instead of you.
(Paris) 'Hasta luego.'
Brushing up on my Spanish.
You ever been to Mexico? Huh?
[grunts]
'Thanks for the horse.'
[instrumental music]
You want somethin'?
- Any men here? - No.
You live alone?
I'm a widow.
You're not answering my question.
You seen any men around here lately?
You're the first one I've set eyes on for three weeks.
That mule I spotted in your corral
mighty fine-lookin'
considering she's been in jail.
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
[guns cocking]
[gunshots]
[snakes rattling]
[gunshots continues]
[chuckles]
[hissing]
Ah!
[groaning]
[horse galloping]
[breathing heavily]
[groaning]
[horse galloping]
Oh, shit.
[instrumental music]
[trumpet music]
[bottle shatters]
Giddy-up.
[instrumental music]
[singing in Spanish]
[music continues]
[singing in Spanish]
[music continues]