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( contemporary piano theme playing )
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Uh, Mrs. Sam Nash, Suite 719?
The house phones are on the other side of the elevators.
Oh, I'm Mrs. Nash. I'm checking in.
Oh.
Suite 719.
Uh, one moment, Mrs. Nash.
I phoned in Thursday morning for a reservation: 719.
It has to be 719.
Yes, Mrs. Nash. Here it is.
Does it say 719?
Yes, ma'am. Front!
It's our 24th anniversary.
That's where we spent our honeymoon-- Suite 719.
Oh. Congratulations.
Thank you.
Would you show Mrs. Nash to her room, please?
Certainly.
It's Suite 719.
May I take that, ma'am?
Thank you.
It's this way, right?
Yes, ma'am.
See? I remembered.
Yes, ma'am.
See? I remembered.
You like working here?
Yes, ma'am.
Anything new about those rumors?
What rumors?
That the plaza's being torn down.
This plaza? I didn't hear that.
They probably want to keep it quiet
from the staff, but the story is,
they're going to tear down the plaza
and put up a 52-story luxury hotel.
Why? This is a luxury hotel.
Yeah, but it's an old luxury hotel.
Today, it's got to be new. Old is no good anymore.
All I really care about is tonight.
Yes, ma'am.
This is it-- Suite 719.
Oh, my God!
Where's the Savoy Hotel?
Ma'am?
The Savoy Hotel.
They tore down the Savoy a few years ago.
Well, shows you how often I get in the city.
That's the way they do things today.
If it's old and it's beautiful,
it's not there in the morning.
Will that be all, ma'am?
Yes. Thank--
Oh, no. Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, dear. I'm sorry.
Just a minute.
Uh, all right.
Here you are.
Thank you, ma'am.
I don't usually give dollar tips,
but this is my anniversary, so I can be a sport.
Oh, well, congratulations.
Thank you, dear. 24 years ago tonight,
I spent my honeymoon in this room.
I bet you weren't even born 24 years ago.
No, I was born.
You know what I was? 25.
You know what that makes me today? Some old lady.
Well, you certainly don't look like an old lady.
Well, have a pleasant stay, ma'am,
and happy anniversary.
Thank you, dear.
and happy anniversary.
Thank you, dear.
And take my advice--
Don't rush, but look around for another job.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, you are definitely some old lady.
Oh.
Operator?
Could I have room service, please?
Uhh!
Oh, no, operator, I was just groaning to myself.
I'm sorry.
Hello, room service?
This is Mrs. Sam Nash in Suite 719,
and I would like a cold bottle of imported French champagne
and a tray of hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, listen, room service,
don't give me any anchovies, please.
I can't stand anchovies.
Could you put anything else you have on there
and-- And no anchovies?
Right.
Mrs. Sam Nash, 719,
no anchovies.
Right.
They'll give me anchovies.
Mrs. Sam Nash, please.
Nash. Right.
All right.
Well, you've still got a fighting chance.
( telephone rings )
Hello?
( ringing )
Hello?
( ringing )
( ring )
Hello?
Sam!
When did you get here?
Did anyone call? Look, do me a favor, will you?
I haven't eaten since this morning.
Will you call room service for me?
I want a plate of cold roast beef--
Medium-rare, very lean. Have you got that?
Yes, sir. I've got it--
Very lean, no fat.
Sam, guess what room we're in?
Guess.
Suite 719.
Remember? 719.
That's right.
719.
He doesn't remember.
( telephone rings )
Hello?
( ringing )
Hello?
Oh, hello, Miss McCormack.
No, he isn't here. He's on his way up.
Oh.
I was hoping he wouldn't have to think about work tonight.
He seems so tired lately.
Oh, my God! I still have my galoshes on.
Yes. I will, dear.
As soon as he comes in, okay?
All right.
Goodbye, dear.
Operator, could I have room service again, please?
Watch your step, please.
Oh, uh, 719, this way?
That way, sir.
This way. Thank you.
And please, for my sake,
make it very lean roast beef.
Thank you.
( doorbell buzzes )
Oh, damn it.
Just a minute.
( buzz )
You had to wear galoshes today, didn't you?
( buzzing )
All right.
Oh, look at that.
My 24th anniversary.
( buzz )
Hello, Sam.
An hour and 15 minutes,
I was in the goddamn dentist's chair.
How do you feel, Sam?
Between the Muzak and his lousy dirty jokes
I got some headache.
Sam, do you remember this room?
Two more caps, and I'm through.
What do you think?
Oh, they're dazzling.
You don't think they're too white, do you?
They look too white to you?
No, they're perfect.
Very nice with the blue shirt.
4:30 already. The meeting must be over.
Anybody call?
Uh...oh, Miss McCormack from the office.
I told her you'd call her back.
Why didn't you tell me?
I told her you'd call her back.
Why didn't you tell me?
We were busy talking about your white teeth.
Happy anniversary, Sam.
Huh?
Happy anniversary, Sam.
Huh?
Forget it.
Uh, Columbus 5-3598, please.
What's the matter with your leg?
One is shorter than the other.
Didn't you ever notice that?
Lorraine, Mr. Nash.
Let me have Miss McCormack, please.
Well, that kills my barber's appointment for today.
Boy, could I use five minutes under a sunlamp.
Miss McCormack, did Henderson call?
Did he sign the contracts?
( humming )
Okay.
What about Nisell?
I see.
Uh-huh.
Well, what does it look like?
Uh-huh.
Right, right.
Pencil, pencil.
Right. All right, give me the figures.
Right, right. Right.
Well, it sounds right,
but I'll have to go over the estimates.
Tomorrow morning? That doesn't give us much time.
Karen, for God's sakes, a pencil.
Uh, wait a minute. Will you give me the figures again?
Karen, a pencil!
175,000, escalating up to 3 and 1/4.
1-7-5-- Hold it.
1-7-5...
up to 325.
This is a lipstick.
I don't have a pencil.
Then why do you give me your lipstick?
Because I don't have a pencil.
Do you want to go around again?
All right, Miss McCormack,
I'll go over the figures here.
If Henderson calls or the contracts come in,
bring them right over.
What's that? Yeah. Well,
it's like we were saying the other night--
It's the old badger game.
( Sam laughs )
( mock laughter )
It's the old badger game. Ho, ho, ho, Miss McCormack.
All right. I'll speak to you later.
And thank you very much, Miss McCormack.
$175,000 contract,
and you give me your lipstick.
I'd have given you blood, but it isn't blue.
All right, Karen, don't test me,
because I've got enough of a headache.
I'm sorry, Sam.
And for God's sakes, stop hobbling around.
I don't feel like listening to thump, thump, thump.
Happy anniversary to you.
What?
Forget it.
What?
Forget it.
What are you talking about? It's not our anniversary.
Today is November 14th, isn't it?
Yeah.
So we're married 24 years today.
Are you serious?
We're not married 24 years today?
No.
We're not married 24 years?
No.
We're not married?
Tomorrow is our anniversary,
and we're married 23 years.
Are you sure?
( laughs )
what do you mean, am I sure?
Of course I'm sure.
November 15th is our anniversary,
and we're married 23 years.
Now, how can you make a mistake like that?
Don't get so excited.
Anyway, it's not such a big mistake,
because I didn't get you a present.
I go through this with you every year.
When it comes to money or dates or ages,
you are absolutely impossible.
How old are you?
What?
How old are you? A simple question.
I don't want to play.
I can't believe it.
You really don't know how old you are?
Of course I know how old I am.
You make me nervous.
Promise you won't leave me if I'm wrong.
I'll be 49 in April.
Isn't that right?
No, but you're close.
I won't be 49?
Not this April.
This April, you're going to be 48.
How the hell can you make a mistake like that?
Can't you add?
Don't talk to me like I'm a child.
I'm a 48-year-old woman.
The thing that infuriates me about you
is that you make the mistake the wrong way.
Why don't you make yourself younger instead of older,
the way other women do?
Okay.
I'm 47.
So how do I look to you now?
I've got work to do.
I've got an important meeting
at 8:00 in the morning.
Karen!
What?
What the hell is that?
Look at my eyes.
Do you see any pupils?
Come here. Look at this.
Huh? You see any pupils?
Yeah, I see two gorgeous pupils.
Where? Where?
I don't have a pupil left in my head.
Get my eye drops out of the case, will you?
I think you've been overworking.
I haven't seen you two nights this month.
I haven't seen you two nights any month.
Where the hell is that roast beef?
Did you call room service?
I called, I called.
Did you call room service?
I called, I called.
Lie down.
I'll put your pupils back in.
Here, I can do it myself.
I know you can do it,
but I like to put your eye drops in.
It's the only time lately you look at me.
I'm sorry.
You are?
Last couple of weeks I haven't been nice to anyone.
Oh, you sounded swell to Miss McCormack.
Just put the eye drops in.
First give an old lady a kiss.
Eight months I've been working on this deal,
and then suddenly today
my top two men in the office come down with the flu,
and I've gotta do everything myself.
Ah!
What's the matter?
Aah!
You drop them in, you don't push them in.
I'm sorry.
You moved your head.
I moved my head
because you were stabbing my eyeball, damn it.
Well, don't panic. I'm sorry.
Why do you think they call it a dropper?
If they wanted you to stab people with it,
they'd call it a stabber.
Here, give it to me. I'll do it myself.
Is that the end of being nice to each other?
I don't know what we're doing in a hotel anyway.
I've got a lot of work to do tonight.
How am I gonna concentrate?
Well, you gotta sleep someplace tonight.
The painter said the house won't be dry for two days.
But why now?
Do it in the spring.
This is my busy time of the year.
It's not the painter's busy time of the year.
In the spring, he doesn't want to know you.
Of all nights. Did you bring my things:
my toothbrush, my pajamas?
I brought your toothbrush.
You forgot my pajamas?
I didn't forget. I just didn't bring 'em.
Why not?
Because it's Suite 719 at the Plaza,
and I didn't think you'd want your pajamas.
Well, you know I can't sleep without pajamas.
I took that into consideration.
I don't understand you. One lousy little bag
is all I asked you to pack.
Forgive me.
It's my busy time of the year.
Do me a favor, Karen.
Don't get brittle. I'm very shaky right now,
and one crack, and I go right to the dry-cleaner's.
Boy, could I use a nice big cold double martini.
Can I make a suggestion? Why don't you
have a nice big cold double martini?
Are you serious?
You know how many calories there are in a double martini?
Four or five million?
You know my metabolism-- One double martini,
and right in front of your eyes, I get flabby.
You used to get sexy.
Yeah, well, now I get flabby
unless I watch myself like a hawk,
which I think I manage to do.
A man your age ought to have a couple of pounds of skin
hanging over his belt.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
I'm not disappointed.
I'm uncomfortable.
I watch you when you get undressed at night.
Nothing moves.
It's like you're vacuum packed.
When you open your belt,
I expect you to go like a can of coffee.
Pssssssss.
Can we drop the subject?
Like a baked potato.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Karen.
Yes, Sam?
Let's not fight.
It's all right with me, Sam.
Let's be nice to each other.
Okay.
Who goes first?
Karen.
Yes, Sam?
Oh, nothing. I'd better work on these papers.
You don't even remember this room, you louse.
What's that?
Well, I may not know how old I am,
but I sure as hell remember we spent our honeymoon
in Suite 719 at the Plaza.
This is definitely 719.
Tell me you remember Suite 719.
Is this the room?
Oh, Christ.
Wait a minute.
I think you're right.
719.
We ate dinner in the bedroom.
Remember what we had?
For dinner 23 years ago?
I remember.
We had a bottle of champagne,
a tray of hors d'oeuvre,
and we left all the anchovies
in the drawer.
Oh.
See, it's coming back to you.
If you're looking for the Savoy,
it isn't there.
No, I was looking at the Pierre.
Well, there it is.
Karen.
Uh-huh.
It was 819. We were in 819, not 719.
You're wrong.
No, I'm not wrong. I'm right.
It was 819. I'm right.
Stop saying you're right like you're right.
You're wrong.
Look, I'll prove it to you.
Remember, I had my binoculars.
We were watching that couple
getting undressed in the Pierre.
We were on the eighth floor.
I remember we were looking for them the next night.
We called them the couple on the eighth floor.
I don't know what you called them.
I called them the couple on the seventh floor.
Well, it's pointless to argue about it.
It's not important.
If it's pointless, why are you pointing it out?
Because you made an issue of it.
I may have made an issue of saying we were in 719.
You made an issue out of proving to me
we weren't in 719.
All right, Karen.
we weren't in 719.
All right, Karen.
Don't tell me, "All right, Karen."
if I thought it was 719,
why didn't you have the decency to let me go on in my ignorance
thinking it was 719?
Couldn't you have done that much for me?
As a matter of fact, Karen, I just remembered.
You're absolutely right. It was 719.
I don't want it to be 719.
I want it to be 819.
Why don't you go inside and lose some weight?
Shut up, Karen.
Keep your stupid mouth shut.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
We're some lousy couple, aren't we?
Mmm.
"mmm," what?
Mmm, yes, we're some lousy couple.
That's what I said.
That's the first thing we agreed on today.
Karen, I don't mean to be rude,
but I've gotta go over these estimates tonight.
You understand.
Yes, I always understand, Sam.
Karen, please.
Oh, come on. Forget your crummy papers.
Take me to a dirty movie.
Karen, stop it.
Sam, do you know what's playing on Sixth Avenue?
Freddy the fruit and Ursula the slut.
I swear on my mother's life.
You want to go, go yourself.
What happens if I get picked up?
Call me. I won't wait up for you.
( laughing )
Oh, Sam.
Oh, you got your sense of humor back.
Come on. Take me for a walk.
One little ten-minute walk. Then I'll leave you alone.
Maybe later. We'll see.
Don't you have anything to read?
( sighs )
"The Lord is my shepherd.
"I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures."
I read it.
I read the ceiling too.
Feel like going back to the house
and watching the paint dry?
I was just trying to think of something
we could do together.
( doorbell buzzes )
Shall I get that, or is that something
you'd like for us to do together?
I'll even take nastiness.
It's not much, but it's a start.
Please, God, let the roast beef be lean.
Good evening.
Hello.
You like the table near the window?
Oh, Sam, would you like the table near the window?
SAM: Doesn't make any difference.
Doesn't make any difference.
I'll leave it here, then.
KAREN: Should he leave it here?
Here, there, anywhere.
KAREN: Should he leave it here?
Here, there, anywhere.
Doesn't make any difference.
Oh, you don't have to set up the chairs.
Don't bother--
Leave it. You've done it.
Don't bother--
Leave it. You've done it.
Yes, you did it already. That's fine.
Can I see the bill, please?
Yes, sir.
Hope I didn't get any anchovies.
Yep, I got anchovies.
Oh, you didn't want no anchovies?
It doesn't make any difference.
You get 'em anyway.
SAM: That'll be all, thank you.
You get 'em anyway.
SAM: That'll be all, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, the champagne. Where's the champagne?
No champagne?
You're right.
They forgot the champagne.
But the anchovies, they remembered.
What did you order champagne for?
I got a lot of work to do.
It's our anniversary.
Oh, congratulations.
Thank you.
We're married 23 or 24 years today or tomorrow.
Oh, then you want the champagne?
Oh, yeah, with two grown children in college.
That's wonderful.
Oh, you think so?
That's wonderful.
Oh, you think so?
He's flunking out, she's majoring in dirty clothes.
He is not flunking out.
Why do you say he's flunking out?
That'll be all, thank you.
If you don't want the champagne,
I'll cross it off.
She doesn't want it.
I want the champagne. Don't cross it off the bill.
Bring me a bottle and one glass.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, when you want me to take the table, just ring.
I'll ring when I want you to take the table.
Oh, again, congratulations.
Thank you.
Did you hear that? He congratulated us
on being married to each other.
I asked for lean roast beef. This is not lean roast beef.
KAREN: Do you know how many people we know
who are still married as long as us?
One other couple: the Shelleys.
Most boring people I ever met in my life.
Why did you talk to the waiter like that?
Like what?
Like you've known him 20 years. You just met him.
He walked in here two minutes ago with fatty roast beef.
It's none of his damn business what our son is doing in school.
I'm sorry. I did another bad thing.
When he comes back with the champagne,
I'll hide behind the drapes.
You don't have to hide.
Just don't tell him our personal problems, that's all.
What should I do, lie?
Certainly lie. Everyone else does.
Tell him you got a beautiful and devoted daughter.
Tell him you got a brilliant son on the dean's list.
Tell him you're only 42 years old.
Why?
I'm not insane about growing older,
but it happens to everybody.
Happened to you.
You're 51.
Mmm. Well, that's the difference between us.
I don't have to accept it.
I don't have to accept being 51 years old.
I don't accept getting older.
Good luck to you.
You'll be the youngest one in the cemetery.
Can't even have a normal conversation with you anymore.
Accept being 51, and we'll have a normal conversation.
( door closes )
You blew it again.
Sam?
Aren't you gonna eat your dinner?
Oh, Sam!
Look, I found a very lean piece of roast beef!
Hey!
Come on out. See how thin I'm getting.
( doorbell buzzes )
Ooh, Sam, it's the champagne. If you don't come out,
I'll tell the waiter you wear dentures.
( buzz )
Oh, Miss McCormack.
Hello, Mrs. Nash. I hope I'm not disturbing you.
No, no, no. Mr. Nash and I
were just sitting around joking.
Come on in.
Thank you.
I hate to barge in this way, but I have some papers
that need Mr. Nash's signature immediately.
Certainly. Sit down.
Thank you.
Sam, it's Miss McCormack.
It is Miss McCormack now, isn't it?
It was Mrs. Colby last year.
This year it's Miss McCormack again.
Well, you're lucky you can remember.
I've been married so long, if I ever got divorced,
I'd have to make up a maiden name.
Have you had your dinner?
No, but it's all right.
Oh, hello. You got 'em, huh?
Did Henderson call?
No, not yet.
I think you ought to look at page 3.
Would you like some hot coffee?
The Plaza makes very hot coffee.
Coffee would be fine, thank you.
One hot coffee coming up.
Sam, some hot coffee?
No, thanks.
That's no hot coffee and one hot coffee.
Why is there an adjustment on this figure?
There was a clerical omission on the Cincinnati tabulation.
It didn't show up in the 1,400,
so I rechecked it with my own files
and made a correction,
so that item 17B should read 300,000,
and disregard the figures in 17A.
Cream and sugar?
No, thank you.
But this should have been caught on the IBM.
Should have, but it wasn't.
Obviously it wasn't fed properly.
No cream and no sugar or no cream and yes, sugar.
No cream and no sugar.
So it's yes, no cream and no sugar.
Did you call this to Howard's attention?
He said it happened once before this month,
but that he couldn't pin it down
until he rechecked the whole 68 file.
Damn it. Of all nights to have this happen.
Would you like some anchovies? We've got tons of anchovies.
I'm just gonna have to go over
the whole thing tonight with Howard.
I told him I thought that might be a possibility,
so he made plans to stay in town tonight.
Tell Howard I'll meet him at the office
between 6:15 and 6:30.
Tell him I want to see every one
of last year's 1,400 forms.
You're not going to the office tonight?
I'm sorry, Karen, it can't be helped.
We're having that same damn trouble with the computer again.
I could go with you.
Maybe all it needs is a little dusting.
Well, something in that office
sure in hell needs a little dusting.
All right, Miss McCormack,
why don't you just hop in a cab now
and get started on the flies with Howard?
I'll clean up, and I'll see you in about 20 minutes.
McCORMACK: Yes, sir.
Oh, it's a pity you can't stay two more minutes.
I ordered champagne.
Can I tell her why, Sam?
Oh, well. I'm not supposed to go around
blurting these things out, but it's our 23rd anniversary.
Oh, I didn't know. Congratulations.
Thank you, dear.
Oh, yes. Life has been very good to me.
I have a beautiful devoted daughter,
brilliant son on the dean's list,
and I'm 42 years old. What more could I ask--
Karen, Miss McCormack's got to get back to the office.
I'm sorry. Don't let him work you too late.
That's all right. I'm used to it by now.
Best wishes again, Mrs. Nash.
Thank you, and see that he buys me a nice gift.
I definitely will.
( door closes )
What a sweet girl.
( electric razor )
That's a sweet girl, Sam.
( electric razor )
That's a sweet girl, Sam.
Sorry about tonight, Karen.
It can't be helped.
That's a sweet, young, skinny girl.
Thing is, if I leave now, maybe I can still
get back in time for us to have a late dinner.
Oh, that's all right.
Don't worry about me. I understand.
I just feel badly about you.
You could have really relaxed tonight.
Instead you'll be cooped up in that stuffy old office
till all hours with Miss McCormack,
poring over those boring contracts
with your smooth-shaven face!
Well, I can't very well walk through the lobby
of the Plaza Hotel with a stubbly chin.
They wouldn't let you in the elevator.
Don't forget your cologne.
My what?
Your cologne.
My what?
Your cologne.
The doorman won't get you a cab
unless you smell good.
( Karen laughs )
What are you doing, Karen?
I'm joking. What's the matter?
Can't you tell when I'm kidding around anymore?
No, I can't.
Well, I am.
I'm just teasing you by intimating
that you're having an affair with your secretary.
Are you?
Is sweet, skinny Miss McCormack your mistress?
Oh, for God's sake, what kind of a thing is that to say?
Well, if she's not, it's a lousy thing to say.
If she is, it's a hell of a question.
Well, I'm not even gonna dignify that with an answer.
Aw, come on. Dignify it, Sam, please.
I'm dying to know.
Are you having an affair with her or not?
And you'll believe me?
Cross my heart.
No, I'm not having an affair with her.
Yes, you are.
Curses. Trapped again.
Looks like snow.
Hope I can get a cab.
It's all right if you are, Sam.
I approve of Miss McCormack.
She's a nice girl.
Thank you.
She'll be pleased to know.
Look, Karen, I could call downstairs
and get you a ticket for a show tonight.
No reason for you to sit alone here like this.
Something you'd like to see?
Yeah, what you and Miss McCormack
will be doing later.
Really, Karen, I find this in very poor taste.
Why? I'm just being honest again, Sam.
I'm just saying that at this stage of your life
if you wanted a nice quiet affair
with a young, skinny woman, I'd understand.
What do you mean, at this stage in my life?
Well, you're blankety years old.
I'd say the number, but I know you don't accept it,
and I realize when a man
is blankety-one or blankety-two,
he's feeling insecure
that he's losing his virility.
Sometimes a nice quiet fling is the best thing for him.
I know. I read the Reader's Digest.
I'm glad to know I have their permission.
Look, Karen, I have a hard night's work ahead of me.
I'll be back about 12:00.
Sam.
I know that...
we haven't been very happy together lately.
You've been busy.
You may not have noticed it,
but we definitely have not been very happy.
I've noticed it, Karen. I've noticed it.
Well, what's wrong?
I mean, we have a 12-room house in the country,
two sweet kids, a maid that doesn't drink.
Is there something we're missing?
I don't know.
Well, could you at least think about it?
I need hints, Sam.
Is there something else that you want?
Is there something I could give you
that I'm not giving you?
Could you please speak up?
We're closing in ten minutes.
It's me, Karen. It's not you.
Well, I'll buy that.
Well, what's wrong with you, Sam?
I don't know.
I don't know if you can understand this, Karen,
but, uh...
when I came home after the war,
I had my whole life in front of me,
and all I wanted was to get married, have kids
and make a success of my life.
Well, I was very lucky. I got it all--
Good marriage, the kids,
more money than I ever dreamed of making.
Then what is it that you want?
Just want to do it all over again.
I'd like to start the whole damn thing
right from the beginning.
Oh.
Yes, I see.
Well...
frankly, Sam,
I don't think the Navy'd take you again.
Yeah.
Well, it won't be because I can't pass the physical.
I told you it was stupid talking about it.
It'll work itself out.
You know what I think?
I think you want to get out,
and you don't know how to tell me.
That's not true.
Which isn't?
That's not true.
Which isn't?
That you want to get out
or that you don't know how to tell me?
Why do you always start the most serious discussions
in our life when I'm halfway out the door?
No, because if that's true,
why don't you come right out and say it?
Just say, "Karen, there's no point in our going on."
I'd rather hear it from you personally
than get a message on our service.
Look, we'll talk about it when I get back.
No!
Goddamn it! We'll talk about it now!
I am not gonna sit around a hotel room half the night
waiting to find out how my life's gonna turn out!
If you have something to say,
have the decency to say it...
before you walk out that door.
Is there any coffee left?
It's that bad?
Oh, all right.
I'll pour you a cup of coffee.
Oh, look at that. I'm shaking like a leaf.
I think you better pour it yourself.
I have a feeling in a few minutes
I'm not gonna be too crazy about you.
No matter what, Karen, in 23 years
my feelings for you have never changed.
You're my wife. I still love you.
Oh, God...
am I in trouble.
It has nothing to do with you, Karen.
It's something that just happened.
It's true. I am having an affair with her.
SAM: It's been going on about six months now.
I tried stopping it a few times.
It didn't work.
After a couple of days, I'd start in again, and--
Well, what's the point of going on with this?
You wanted honesty. I'm giving it to you.
I'm having an affair with Jean. That's all there is to it.
I'm not very good at this.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say now.
Don't worry about it.
You're doing fine.
Would you like that cup of coffee now?
I stopped shaking.
Well, what are we gonna do?
Well, you're taken care of.
You're having an affair.
I'm the one that needs an activity!
I'll do whatever you want.
Whatever I want?
I'll leave.
I'll get out tonight,
or I'll stop seeing her.
I'll get rid of her in the office any way you want.
Oh, okay. I pick get rid of Jean.
Gee, that was easy.
Now we can go back to our old normal life
and live happily ever after.
It's not my day.
Even the coffee's cold.
Oh, come on, Karen.
Stop playing aren't-we-civilized.
Call me a bastard. Throw the coffee at me.
You're a bastard! Do you want cream and sugar?
It's funny how our attitudes
have suddenly changed. What happened to,
"I think a man your age should have an affair"?
Oh, it looked good in the window.
Terrible when I got it home.
SAM: Well, if it's any solace to you,
I never thought it would go this far.
I don't even remember how it started.
Think. It'll come back to you.
She worked in the office for two years.
I never even batted an eye at her.
Good for you, Sam!
Oh, come on, Karen.
No. I want to hear about it.
You worked next to her for two years.
You didn't know her first name was Jean.
One night you're both working late,
suddenly you let down your hair, you took off your glasses.
She said, "Mr. Nash, you're beautiful."
That's it word for word.
You must have been hiding in the closet.
No. You want to know when I think the exact date
your crummy little affair started?
I'll tell you. It was June 19th.
It was your birthday.
You just turned 50 years old.
Five-o, count 'em, folks, and you were feeling
good and sorry for yourself. Right?
If you say so.
And the only reason
If you say so.
And the only reason
you picked on Miss McCormack,
she was the first one you saw that morning.
If she'd been out sick, you would have
had an affair with the elevator operator.
He's 52 years old, and I don't go for older men.
You're right, you're right.
We'll talk about it later tonight.
No, no. We've opened this up. Let's bring it all out.
I've told you the truth, Karen. I'm involved with another woman.
I'm not proud of it, but those are the facts.
Now what am I supposed to do about it?
I would suggest committing suicide,
but I'm afraid you might think I meant me.
I have one other suggestion: forget it.
Forget it?
Yes, forget it. It's...
I understand.
It's not your fault.
It's-- I don't know.
I don't know, maybe I can learn to live with it till it's over.
I don't know what else to do!
I'm attached to you!
So go on out, have a good time tonight,
and bring me back some chocolate ice cream.
If I lived with you another 23 years,
I don't think I'd ever understand you.
If that's a proposition, I accept.
Damn it, Karen!
Stop accepting everything in life that's thrown at you.
Fight back once in a while.
Don't understand me. Hate me.
I'm not going through a middle-age adjustment.
I'm having an affair,
a cheating, sneaking, sordid affair.
If it helps you to romanticize it, Sam, all right.
I happen to know better.
You don't know better at all.
You didn't even know I was having an affair.
I suspected it.
You were working three nights a week.
We weren't getting any richer.
I see, and now that you know the truth,
I have your blessing.
No!
My permission.
I'm your wife, not your mother.
Your permission?
I'm sorry, Karen, I don't follow you.
What's the matter, Sam?
Am I robbing you
of all those delicious guilt feelings?
Would you feel better if I went to pieces,
tried to lash out at you?
At least I would understand it.
It would be normal. I don't know why
you're not having hysterics and screaming for a lawyer.
All right!
If it makes you feel better,
I think you stink!
I think you're a vain, self-pitying, deceiving,
ten-pound box of rancid, no-cal cottage cheese!
How am I doing?
Swell. Now we're finally getting somewhere.
Oh, yeah, you like it, don't you?
Makes everything nice and simple for you.
Now you can go out of here
the martyred, misunderstood husband.
I won't give you that satisfaction!
I take it all back.
You're a pussycat.
I'll have milk and cookies
waiting for you when you get home.
No, no, no. Finish what you were saying, Karen.
Get it off your chest.
It's been building up for 23 years.
I want to hear everything. Vain, self-pitying.
What else? Go on. What else?
You're adorable.
Eat your heart out.
Karen, don't do this to me.
I'm sorry. I just can't help myself.
I'm a forgiving woman.
You're driving me right out of here,
you know that, don't you?
Don't keep her waiting.
If I walk out that door, I don't come back.
Oh, I think you will.
What makes you so sure?
You forgot to take your eye drops!
Before I go, Karen,
I just want to say one thing.
Whatever you may think of me is probably true.
No, not probably-- Definitely.
I have been a bastard right from the beginning,
and I don't expect you to forgive me.
Oh, but I do!
Will you let me finish, please?
Oh, but I do!
Will you let me finish, please?
I don't expect you to forgive me,
but I ask you with all conscience,
with all your understanding,
not to blame Jean for any of this.
Oh.
I'll send her a nice gift.
For crying out loud, Karen,
you're not making this any easier.
That's the way you like things.
You like things easy.
You don't even have an affair the hard way!
Meaning what?
Meaning you could have at least taken the trouble
to look outside your office for a girl.
"Miss McCormack, would you please come inside
and take an affair?"
Honestly, Sam.
Karen, don't force me
to say nice things about her to you.
I can't help it!
I'm disappointed in you!
It's so damned unoriginal!
Well, what did you want her to be,
a fighter pilot with the Israeli air force?
Everyone cheats with their secretaries.
I expected more from my husband!
I never saw you like this.
Live with a person your whole life,
you don't really know her.
Go on. Please, go on.
Go on out. Have your affair.
You're 51.
In an hour, it'll be too late.
By God, you are something.
You are really something special, Karen.
23 years I'm married to you,
and I still can't make you out.
You don't look much different than the ordinary woman,
but I promise you
there is nothing walking around on two legs
that compares in any way shape or form with the likes of you.
If I'm so special,
what are you carrying on with secretaries for?
I'll be goddamned if I know.
Sam!
Uh...
Sam...
do I still have my, uh, two choices?
Because if I do,
I choose get rid of Miss McCormack.
I pick stay here and work it out with me
because the other way
I think I'm going to lose.
Don't go to the office tonight.
Stay with me, please.
I swear I wish we could go back to the way it was before.
Well...
maybe we still can.
We'll do what you said before.
We'll lie.
We'll tell each other everything's all right.
There's nothing wrong at the office tonight.
There is no Miss McCormack,
and I'm 27 goddamned years old.
What do you say, Sam?
Maybe tomorrow, Karen.
I can't tonight.
I'll see you.
When?
Never mind. I love surprises.
Champagne.
I brought you two glasses just in case.
Is he coming back?
KAREN: Funny you should ask that.
( mellow jazzy theme playing )
Welcome back to the Plaza, Mr. Kiplinger.
Hi, Ernie. How are things going?
Oh, it's a little quiet without you, Mr. Kiplinger.
The screening is at 9:00 tonight at the Coronet Theater.
The car will be here at 8:30,
and there's a small press reception afterwards.
Now, The Tonight Show,
just to remind you, is Thursday night.
They tape at 6:30, but they would like you there at 6:00.
Well, I'm afraid the only free time you're gonna have
is between 2:00 and 4:00 tomorrow afternoon.
Is there anything you'd like me to arrange?
Yeah. Have you got a good-looking sister?
I'm afraid not.
Not even a pretty girlfriend
I'm afraid not.
Not even a pretty girlfriend
willing to sacrifice herself for your future?
Well, if I did, she would.
Well, good-bye, Mr. Kiplinger.
It's been a pleasure meeting you.
Excuse me.
Please forgive my brash audacity,
but I would never forgive myself
if I let this opportunity slip by without telling you
that you are the most attractive girl I've seen
since I've arrived in New York.
No ulterior motives.
I just wanted you to know that.
Thank you, and goodbye.
Tell her who I am.
Okay.
Hello. Operator?
Uh, Mr. Kiplinger in Suite 719.
7-1-9.
Right.
Would you get me Butterfield 91099, please?
Well, thank you.
♪ Do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ Yoo-doodle-loo ♪
Hello. Evelyn?
Jesse.
Uh, is he there?
I just got in town.
No. Till Friday.
Listen, Evelyn, I'd love to see you.
Any time.
Say between 2:00 and 4:00 tomorrow afternoon?
Oh. Can't you break it, Evelyn?
I'm on a very tight schedule.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Sure, Ev. Sure.
Well, maybe next trip.
Yeah. Bye.
Sweetheart, would you get me
Mount Sinai Hospital on 5th Avenue.
I don't have the number.
Well, thank you.
Uh, ni-- Uh, ninth floor, please.
Nurse Melnick.
Dr. Kiplinger.
Giselle?
Mr. Kiplinger.
That's right, the ulcer attack last June.
Well...
didn't I say I'd call?
Look, I never was able to thank you properly.
I was wondering,
are you by any chance off duty
tomorrow afternoon between 2:00 and 4:00?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. I see.
All right.
I'll call you. Bye.
Pussycat, would you get me Tenafly, New Jersey,
278-9970?
Well, thank you.
Hello.
Is this Muriel?
Muriel Tate?
My God, you sound wonderful.
Jesse.
Jesse Kiplinger.
Well, of course I'm serious.
Yes, after 15 years.
No, in New York.
How's Larry and the kids?
Good, good. Listen, Muriel,
you're the first one I called.
You see, I've been dying to see you.
I've been thinking about you.
Well, I got a personal problem, Muriel,
and you're the only one left who can help me.
Do you think you can
drop over to the Plaza tomorrow afternoon
for a drink from 2:00 to 4:00?
There's nothing wrong.
I'm just going to have one quick drink with him.
Just a drink and then I'll go.
What's wrong with that?
I'll stay five minutes.
I've got a lot of shopping to do, anyway.
One quick drink, then I'll go.
My God, what's wrong with that?
( click )
How long you gonna be, ma'am?
Uh, yeah. One quick drink, then I-- I'm going.
Good, good.
Gracias.
Prego, prego.
Can I help you, ma'am?
( giggles )
Oh, no.
No, I'm just, uh, I'm looking.
( knock on door )
MAID: Can I make your bed up now, sir?
Uh, 4:00. You can make it up at 4:00.
4:00. Thank you.
Uh, hel-- Uh, er,
Mr. Jesse Kiplinger, please.
( whispering ): Hello, Jesse.
It's Muriel...
from New Jersey.
I can't hear you.
Well, speak up, dear.
Well, where are you?
Well, come on up.
Yes, I'm positive it's all right.
Muriel, do you want me to come down and get you?
Well, then take the elevator
and come up to Suite 719
and stop being so silly.
I'm dying to see you.
Right.
( hangs up )
Operator, uh, Mr. Kiplinger here.
Suite 719.
Please hold all calls until 4:00.
I'm going to be in conference.
My God,
what are you doing here?
Nothing!
Beth! How nice to see you.
I just got in this morning.
Really? Why are you here?
Muriel.
Jesse.
It's not.
It is.
Muriel, I can't believe it.
Is it really you?
It's me.
Muriel.
Well, come on in for Pete's sakes.
Come on in.
Five minutes, Jesse. That's all.
I really can't stay.
My God, it's good to see you.
Oh, I just dropped by to say hello.
I really can't stay.
I'm parked in a one-hour zone.
Hey, Muriel.
Hello.
Same old Muriel, eh?
What do you mean, "same old Muriel"?
Come here!
Let me take a good look at you.
Don't, Jesse. Don't look at me.
It's been 15 years,
and I haven't had my hair done.
Don't look at me. What time is it?
Tell me when it's 3:00. I can't stay. I...
Muriel, I can't get over it.
You look absolutely wonderful.
Well, I feel
absolutely wonderful.
No, I really mean that.
You look incredibly fantastic.
Well, I feel incredibly fantastic.
Well, you look it.
Well, I feel it.
And how are you?
Uh, I'm all right.
I don't know why I'm so nervous, do you?
I think it's charming.
My goodness. Little Muriel Tate all grown up and married.
Mm-hmm.
How many kids you got now?
Three.
No kidding? Three kids.
What are they?
A boy and a girl.
A boy and a girl?
And another boy. He's away at camp.
( nervous giggle )
Oh, I can't even think straight.
Isn't this terrible?
What's wrong?
Well, it's you.
That's the simple explanation.
I'm nervous about meeting you,
Mr. Famous Hollywood Producer.
"Mr. Famous Hollywood Producer"?
Muriel, you know me better than that.
I haven't changed since I left Tenafly.
I made a couple of pictures.
That's all.
A couple of pictures?
The Easter show at the Radio City Music Hall?
A couple pictures, huh?
I stood in line with my children
for three hours in the rain.
Why did you do that, Muriel?
You could've called my New York office.
My girl would've gotten you right in.
Any time you wanna see one of my pictures--
Oh, I couldn't do that.
Call the office. They-- Why not?
I couldn't. I couldn't impose like that.
You not imposing!
I am.
But I want you to!
What's the number?
I'll give it to you before you go,
but first let's sit down,
have a little drink.
There's a million things I'm dying to ask you.
Oh, no, no.
No drinks for me, thank you.
You don't drink?
Oh, I haven't had a drink in years.
Besides, I have a 5:00 hairdresser's appointment.
Come on. One little drink.
Oh, no, no, no. I've got to get home.
I shouldn't even be in the city.
No, the children will be home from school soon,
I've got to get Larry's dinner,
and besides, I haven't even done my shopping.
No, no.
Just dropped by to say hello.
What'll you have?
A vodka stinger.
Coming right up.
And then I've got to go.
Oh.
I finally took a breath. That felt good.
Muriel, would you relax, please?
Would you please relax?
Oh.
I just feel funny sitting here
and drinking in a hotel room
with a famous Hollywood producer.
That's all.
I mean, I am a married woman.
Well, would you feel better, Muriel,
if we went downstairs
and had our drinks in the Palm Court?
We're here.
We might as well stay.
Well, then sit back and relax.
Just for a few minutes.
I have a 6:00 hairdresser's appointment.
Oh, I thought it was at 5:00.
It's flexible.
Gee, it's good to see you again, Muriel.
I've thought about us so often.
Have you?
Oh, it's been ages since we saw each other, Jesse.
I haven't thought very much about it.
Fifteen years, isn't it?
August 23rd.
You remembered that?
I still have the matchbook cover
from Ruby Foo's restaurant.
I remember a lot about that night.
It was the first time I ever had a vodka stinger.
It was the first time
I ever stayed out till 4 a.m. with a boy.
It was the first time I, uh...
how long are you going to be in New York, Jesse?
Possibly just till Friday.
I have to sign an actor for my new picture.
Lee Marvin.
Yes. How did you know that?
Oh, we keep up on things in Tenafly...
Mr. Hollywood Producer
with a house in Laurel Canyon,
who drives a silver-gray Maserati,
plays tennis with Charlton Heston,
and sleeps in the tops of his pajamas in a circular bed.
I might stay over another few days.
It depends on what develops.
Uh, I've never been in the Plaza before.
Beautiful.
What's in there?
Oh, that's the bedroom. You can go in.
That's all right. I take your word for it.
Is this where you're gonna meet with Lee Marvin?
I mean, do you know him personally-- To talk to?
Yes. We usually talk when we meet.
Is he...
is he a regular person, or is he kind of stuck up?
Regular.
Hair, nails, teeth.
Just like a person.
Muriel...
what's with the Hollywood talk?
This is me, Jesse, from Tenafly.
Who is now living
in the old Humphrey Bogart house.
How'd you know that?
Maybe I haven't seen you in 15 years,
but I know an awful lot about you,
Mr. Jesse Kiplinger.
Pooch.
Pooch?
Isn't that what they call you in Hollywood?
Your nickname: Pooch.
Gooch.
I thought they called you "Pooch."
No, it's Gooch.
But I thought I read that, uh,
you have all your shirts
specially made by Pucci in Florence,
so they call you Pooch.
No, no. I have all my shoes made up
in Gucci's in Rome,
so they call me Gooch.
Ah. Oh.
Ah, it's a silly thing.
I don't know why they print stories like that.
Well, because people like me like to read them.
Well, I'm bored with me.
I'm much more interested in you.
But first, let's have our drinks.
And then I've got to go.
To the girl I left behind.
Who-- Who was that?
You, Muriel.
You're the girl.
Oh. Well, thank you.
In many ways, Muriel,
I've regretted it.
In many ways,
I think we would've been good together.
You think so, Jesse?
I don't know anyone in Hollywood.
In many ways, Muriel,
I think we could've made a go of it.
Oh.
Oh, I just took up tennis.
I'm not very good at it yet.
Muriel.
Muriel, how often I've thought of you.
But I have three children,
and, uh, I'm very happy,
and, uh,
I have a wonderful life.
Larry and I have--
A wonderful marriage.
I wanted to do that very much.
Are-- Are you gonna do it again?
Yes, I'm going to do it again.
Mm-hmm. Well, then I must go.
That will be enough of that,
Mr. Jesse Kiplinger,
Mr. Famous Hollywood Producer.
I shouldn't have let you give me this vodka stinger,
and I shouldn't have let you kiss me.
I'm not a drinker, and I'm not a kisser.
It was a wonderful kiss, Muriel.
It wasn't wonderful.
I don't kiss wonderfully.
I'm a plain, average New Jersey housewife kisser.
Anyway, I'm not interested.
I don't believe you, and I have to go.
Aw. What a pity.
( sighs )
What time does that Lee Marvin get here?
4:00. Would you like to stay and meet him?
In person?
Lee Marvin?
Oh, no.
No. Thank you, Jesse, but I think I'm past the age
when I get excited meeting a movie star.
Maybe my 14-year-old daughter might get a thrill,
but, uh, I'm a little past that now.
What would I say to him?
Hello, Lee.
What would he say to me?
Hello, Muriel.
Really? Lee Marvin?
Well, it's silly even talking about it.
As I said, I have this 4:00 hairdresser's appointment.
God, look at my lipstick.
I'll never even get past the house detective.
What time is it?
10 after 3:00.
Already?
I've got to go!
Not yet.
I must!
Ten more minutes.
I'll stay five.
I'll just freshen your drink, okay?
Just half a glass.
I have a PTA meeting tonight.
Jesse?
Why did you call me yesterday?
I had no ulterior motives, Muriel.
I just wanted to spend a few quiet hours
with the kind of woman I never meet anymore.
Well, we're very proud of you in Tenafly, Jesse.
Even my husband always talks about you.
He always says, "Jesse Kiplinger.
Jesse Kiplinger."
That's all I ever hear around this house.
Do you know I remember exactly what you were wearing
the day I left for California.
Mmm?
You had on a tan raincoat,
tweed skirt,
a brown sweater,
and a little locket right here
that your grandmother had given you.
Last June, uh, the Tenafly drive-in
had a Jesse Kiplinger festival.
They showed all of your great films.
I went both nights.
Do you know, Muriel, that even then,
you had about you a quality
that was sort of untouched.
You were the only girl I knew
who gave me pleasure
in just holding her hand.
A lot of the girls still kid me about you.
I mean, when they see your name in a column
or your-- Your, uh, picture
with Jill St. John or Stella Stevens.
I didn't expect to see it anymore, Muriel,
that quality of honesty and frankness,
that-- That ability
to cut through deceit and phoniness
with just one look
through those big, wide-open,
unsuspecting eyes.
Oh, they tease me, and they say
if I'd married you instead of Larry,
I'd be living in Hollywood now,
going to parties with Duke Wayne,
playing charades with Julie Andrews,
and, uh...
You don't know what you are.
You really don't know what you are.
Well, I'll tell you what you are, Muriel.
You're something very special.
Really?
Something very special, Muriel. I know.
( breathing heavily )
Don't ever change, Muriel.
Don't ever change...
the sweet, simple way that you are.
( Muriel moaning )
MURIEL: Jesse?
JESSE ( muffled ): Yes, Muriel?
Yes.
MURIEL: Do you know Frank Sinatra?
JESSE: Who?
MURIEL: Frank Sinatra.
Have you ever met him?
Yes.
Yes, I know Frank.
What's he like?
Frank?
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't really know him that well.
I just had dinner with him a few times.
Oh, where, in his house?
Once in a restaurant, once I think in his house.
I really don't remember.
I see.
They say he's very generous.
Is that true?
Is he as generous as they say?
I guess so. He served very large portions.
Jesus! Who the hell cares about Frank Sinatra?
Well, I'm sorry.
I was just curious.
I didn't mean to pry into your personal life.
I've got to be going now.
Wait, Muriel.
No. I've got to get home before the traffic starts.
If I'm late for Larry's dinner,
he'll want to know where I was,
and I don't lie very well. Oh, God.
Why did I come here in the first place?
What have I done?
You haven't done anything, Muriel!
Oh! Haven't done anything.
I let you kiss me and grope me.
I must've been out of my mind
to come to the Plaza Hotel
in the middle of the week.
Well, I've got to be going.
Goodbye, Jesse.
Muriel...
Muriel, will you wait a minute, please?
There's no reason to get so upset.
I didn't do anything worse than give you a friendly kiss.
It's not the kiss. It's where you were kissing me.
Where was I kissing you?
In a hotel room.
Where was I kissing you?
In a hotel room.
Suppose someone saw us through the window?
Who? A couple of pigeons? It's Central Park.
Muriel, you're just being silly.
Will you lower your voice?
Suppose someone hears my name?
Who's going to know you?
There's nobody here but Shriners from Cincinnati.
Now, will you please come back inside?
I suppose you'll go back to Hollywood
and have a big laugh
with Jill St. John over this.
I wouldn't dream of it.
Say it.
Say, "I will not go back to Hollywood
and have a big laugh with Jill St. John over this."
I will not go back to Hollywood
and have a big laugh with Jill St. John over this.
Muriel, I have nothing but the greatest respect
and admiration for you.
Now will you please come back inside?
There's, uh, something I want to show you.
What? What is it?
Come inside, and I'll show you.
Can't you show it to me out here?
I can't show it to you out in the hall.
I have to show it to you inside.
And then I've got to go.
Well? What is it?
What is it? What is it you've got to show me?
You're looking at it, Muriel--
Me. I want to show you the kind of man I really am.
I want to rip off this phony tinsel exterior you see
and reveal what's underneath--
To bare before you the real Jesse Kiplinger.
I wouldn't do that if I were you, Jesse.
I'm going to make myself another drink,
and then I'm going to tell you a story.
All the things you read in the paper, Muriel,
about me being witty, charming,
the boy genius,
that's only part of the story.
Okay, so I am the hottest producer in Hollywood,
so I never made a picture that lost money.
Maybe I got the magic touch.
Call it talent, whatever you want.
I don't know.
Yes, I've got Humphrey Bogart's house
and a silver-gray Maserati,
a Picasso, a Degas,
and 7 percent of the Los Angeles Rams.
But I'll tell you what I haven't got.
I haven't got love.
I haven't got happiness.
I've got a 360-degree bed,
and 180 degrees of it are empty.
Do you know how many times I've been married, Muriel?
Three.
Three times. You know who they were?
Dolores Fayzar,
Carlotta Costello,
and Bebe Bookerman.
Three beautiful women,
Three intelligent women,
and three of the worst bitches you'd ever want to meet.
They took me for every cent I had,
but I don't even give a damn about the money.
Screw it!
Oh, excuse me, Muriel.
That's all right.
What hurts is they took the guts out of me.
I mean, they were phony--
Unfaithful, all of them.
Do you know I caught my first wife Dolores
in bed with a jockey?
Mmm.
A jockey.
Mmm.
A jockey.
Do you know it does to a man's self-respect
to find his wife in the sack
with a 4'8" shrimp, weighs 112 pounds?
But as I said before, Muriel,
screw it.
Oh, uh, tell me if I'm shocking you.
I'll let you know.
All right.
My second wife Carlotta,
she was keeping her Spanish guitar teacher--
Keeping him.
I never caught her, but she didn't fool me.
No one takes $28,000 worth of guitar lessons
in one year.
That does seem a little high.
All right.
I'm going to tell you something now
about my third wife
I've never told a living soul.
You give me your word you'll never repeat it?
May my husband Larry be struck by lightning.
Do you know who her lover was?
Do you know a famous movie actor
whose initials are A.W.?
Oh, my gosh. Him?
His wife.
Oh, my God.
I married a faggot.
I gave her all the love I had in the world,
and she cheated on me with the woman next door.
Are you sure, Jesse?
What do you mean, am I sure?
They went to San Francisco together
for three days to go shopping,
and all they came back with was the hotel ashtray.
Is it any wonder that I'm in a bad way?
Is it any wonder
that I lost my faith and belief
that there is anything left in the world
resembling an uncorrupt woman?
Is it any wonder that I live alone now,
despondent,
dejected,
disillusioned?
Until last week...
when my mother...
who still gets the Tenafly newspaper,
sends me a picture
of the annual...
PTA outing...
at Palisades Park.
And who was there on the front page,
coming in first
in the mother and daughter potato race...
looking every bit as young and as lovely
and as sweet as she did that night
15 years ago in Ruby Foo's restaurant?
Was my last salvation--
Muriel Tate.
That's why I had to see you, Muriel.
Just to talk to you...
to have a drink...
to spend five minutes
to reaffirm my faith
that there are decent women in this world--
Even if it is only one,
even if you are the last...
of a dying species.
If somebody like you still exists, Muriel,
then maybe there's still somebody left for me.
That's why...
I called you yesterday.
I had no idea, Jesse.
God, how you must have suffered.
I don't know who to turn to anymore, Muriel.
But listen, I didn't ask you up here to depress you.
You finish your vodka stinger,
and then I'm going to let you go.
Oh...
no, no, I have plenty of time.
Larry's never home till 7:00.
How are you, Muriel?
Are you happy?
Oh, yes. Happy?
If I'm one thing, it's happy.
I'm glad.
You deserve happiness, Muriel.
And I've got it. I've got happiness.
I've got a barrelful of it.
Isn't that wonderful?
It hasn't been all good, mind you.
Larry and I have had our ups and downs.
It hasn't been easy.
He's not an easy man to live with.
I'm the only one who could do it.
That's why we're so happy.
I couldn't be more pleased, Muriel.
Well, listen, I've always liked Larry.
I know, Jesse.
You and I were the only ones.
Of course, people don't know him the way we do.
I'm out of stinger.
Are you sure you're going to be all right? I mean, driving?
( laughs )
Oh, if I had to worry about getting home
every time I had four or five stingers,
I'd give up driving.
Is he doing well in business?
Oh, in business, you don't have to worry.
In that department, he's doing great.
I mean, he's really got a wonderful business there.
Of course, it was good when my father gave it to him.
In what department isn't he doing well?
Ha ha! He's doing well in every department.
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
Then I'm glad.
Why? What do you hear?
Oh, I haven't heard a thing
except what you're telling me.
Well, I'm telling you we have a happy marriage.
Are you trying to infer
we don't have a happy marriage?
No.
Well, you're wrong.
No.
Well, you're wrong.
We have a happy marriage--
A goddamn happy marriage.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I should've had lunch.
Muriel, you-- You drank those too quickly.
Yes, I'm sorry, Jesse.
Can I have another one? I will drink it slower.
Wouldn't you like to lie down for a little while?
What's the point?
You're going back to California tomorrow.
Oh, God, what am I saying? What am I thinking?
What is it, Muriel?
What is it with you and Larry?
Nothing. I told you.
We have-- We're happy.
We have tiny little differences
like any normal couple, but basically,
we're enormously happy together.
I couldn't ask for a better life.
You shouldn't have done that, Jesse.
I'm very vulnerable right now,
and you must not take advantage of me.
I'm going. I've got to go.
Muriel, I didn't know.
No! Don't! Please!
Muriel, I never suspected for a minute.
I never dreamed.
No, Jesse, I've got to go. You--
God, how I thought about you
on the plane all the way to New York.
No! Jesse! I've got to pick something up
and get dinner for Larry.
Don't bite my neck. It'll leave marks.
Empty-- My life is empty,
but you can fill it for me, Muriel, I know you can.
I can't fill your life for you, Jesse!
I've got to get home!
Larry will kill me!
Stay an hour. Just till 4:00.
Oh, no! Tomorrow, I'll be alone with my regrets,
and you'll be out there with Dino and Groucho!
52 minutes, Muriel.
What we've lost all these years
we can make up for in 52 minutes.
No, please, Jesse, please.
I've got to go pick up my lamb chops.
51 minutes! Muriel, 51 minutes!
The world can change for us!
Can it, Jesse? Can it really?
If it can for me, it can for you.
I don't know. I just don't know.
I don't know.
All right.
Okay, we'll just talk.
All right?
Listen, no one ever got hurt just talking, did they?
Eh...
oh, I suppose not.
Of course not.
Well...
what are we--? What will we talk about?
Whatever you say.
Whatever you want.
Oh...
did you go to
the Academy Awards last year?
Certainly. I go every year.
Really?
Really.
Really?
Really.
Who did you sit next to?
You know, let me see.
At the theater, I sat next to Steve McQueen
on one side
and Liza Minnelli on the other.
Oh, she's adorable, isn't she?
A real pixie.
Who did you sit next to at the dinner?
At the dinner-- Let me see.
At my table, there was Warren Beatty
and Julie Christie
and Gregory Peck and his wife
and Natalie Wood and her husband.
Oh, she's cute.
Did you talk to her?
Yes. A terrific conversation.
And then, at the next table,
there was Anthony Quinn and Virna Lisi
and Paul Newman
and Joanne...
Woodward.
...Woodward.
And Dean Jones and Yvette Mimieux.
Together?
Together.
Together?
Together.
And then, behind us,
there was Troy Donahue and Stella Stevens
and Sammy Davis, Jr.
and Vanessa Redgrave
and Joan Crawford and Peter Fonda
and Alfred Hitchcock and Lena Horne.
Ahh...
Well, goodbye, Mr. Kiplinger.
It was very nice having you back here again.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Come back soon, will you, sir?
You really liven up the place.
( uplifting theme playing )
( people chattering )
It's 20 after. What's keeping them?
They're probably on their way down.
Stop worrying, Walter.
Oh, how nice.
If I were running this wedding,
it would've started on time.
You mean if you were paying for it,
but you're not, so stop worrying.
I'm sure the Hubleys have everything arranged.
I don't care what it says in the contract.
All I know is I'm paying for six musicians,
and I'm only getting five. Now, where's my other musician?
There's only five in the band, Mr. Hubley.
But the caterer told me it was a six-piece orchestra.
Six instruments and five men.
The sax man doubles on a clarinet.
Well, why should I pay for a clarinet
when the man is a saxophone player?
You are not paying for a clarinet.
You're paying for a band.
I'm not paying for anything,
unless I get a man who plays a clarinet
and a man who plays a saxophone.
Champagne, sir?
What are you serving champagne now for?
After the wedding, not before.
I was told inside--
After the wedding, not before.
I was told inside--
I don't care what you were told inside.
I'm not paying for any pre-wedding champagne.
Bring it back.
They've already opened the bottle, sir.
Not my bottles, they haven't opened.
They've opened their bottles.
My bottles are opened after the wedding.
You tell them to start playing.
I'll be over there listening, and I'm only paying
for those instruments I can hear.
EISLER: Everything under control, Hubley?
Yeah, yeah, it's going fine, Walt--
Like clockwork.
WOMAN: Come in, it's open!
Hello, operator?
I want the Hubley-Eisler wedding in the Baroque Room.
Operator, hurry, it's an emergency.
Just put it with the rest of the things. Thank you.
Uh, is this the Hubley-Eisler wedding?
I'd like to speak to Mr. Hubley, please.
Mrs. Hubley.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Eisler.
No, everything's fine.
Yes, we'll be right down.
Oh, well, I'd like to wish you the best of luck too.
Borden's a wonderful boy.
Yes, my Mimsey's a very, very lucky girl.
( wreath falls )
Oh, uh...
no, no, she's as calm as a cucumber.
But, Mr. Hubley--
I don't want any apologies.
All I want is my name spelled right
on the match covers here.
Look at this. You got 200 books of matches.
There's no "E" in Hubley.
Well, there's nothing I can do about it now.
Well, you had six weeks
to put one lousy "E" in Hubley.
Mr. Hubley?
Yeah, what the hell you want?
Your wife is on the phone. She said it's important.
All right.
Look, if there's no "E" in the napkins,
I ain't paying for the napkins or the matches.
Well, they're both wonderful kids.
Oh, we do, we do.
We have a lot to be thankful for.
Yes, we'll be down in five minutes.
It certainly is.
It's going beautifully so far.
Roy...
Roy, you better get up here right away.
We're in big trouble.
Don't ask questions. Just get up here.
Roy, I hope you're not drunk.
I can't handle this alone.
Don't say anything.
Just smile,
walk leisurely out the door,
and get the hell up here as fast as you can.
All right.
All right, Mimsey.
Your father's on his way up.
Now I want you to unlock that door,
come out of that bathroom, and get married!
Did you hear me, Mimsey?
I've had enough of this nonsense.
Unlock this door.
I know what you're going through, Mimsey.
You're just nervous, darling.
Everybody goes through that
on their wedding day.
Everything's going to be all right.
You love Borden. Borden loves you.
You're going to have a wonderful,
wonderful life together, but you can't have it
until you come out of the bathroom, darling.
Mimsey, you've got to come out
of the bathroom.
You know your father's temper.
If you don't care about your life,
think about mine.
Your father will kill me.
( doorbell buzzes )
oh, God, he's here, Mimsey.
Mimsey, please, spare me this.
Just come out and get married now.
If you want, I'll have it annulled next week.
Come on!
We got a wedding in five minutes.
All right.
All right, I'm letting your father in.
Heaven help the three of us.
( knock on door )
why are you standing here?
There are 68 people down there drinking my liquor.
Are we going to have a wedding or not?
Come on!
Did you hear what I said?
There's another couple
waiting to use the Baroque Room.
Now come on, let's go.
Roy...
Roy, could you sit down a minute?
I want to talk to you about something.
You want to talk now? You had 21 years to talk
while she was growing up.
We'll talk when they're in Bermuda.
Can we please have a wedding?
We can't have a wedding until you and I have a talk.
Are you crazy?
While you and I are talking,
there are five musicians down there
getting $85 an hour.
I'll talk to you later when we're dancing.
Now come on, get Mimsey and let's go.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
Mimsey?
Roy, sit down.
You're not gonna like this.
Is she sick?
She's not sick...
exactly.
What do you mean, she's not sick exactly?
Either she's sick, or she's not sick. Is she sick?
She's not sick.
Then let's have the wedding.
Mimsey, there's $200 worth of cocktail frankfurters
getting cold downstairs.
Mimsey?
Where's Mimsey?
You promise you're not gonna blame me?
For what? What did you do?
I didn't do anything!
I just don't want to be blamed for it!
What's going on here?
Are you going to tell me where Mimsey is?
Are you gonna take an oath you're not gonna blame me?
I take it, I take it! Now where the hell is she?
She's locked herself in the bathroom.
She's not coming out, and she's not getting married.
No kidding. Where is she?
He doesn't believe me. I'll kill myself.
Mimsey?
Mimsey!
Mimsey?
All right, what'd you say to her?
I knew it. I knew you'd blame me.
You took an oath. God will punish you.
I'm not blaming you. I'm not blaming you.
I just want to know what stupid thing you said to her
to make her do this.
I didn't say a word. I was putting on my lipstick.
She was in the bathroom. I heard the door go "click."
it was locked. My whole life was over.
What do you want from me?
I see.
And you didn't say a word?
Nothing.
You're trying to tell me that a normal, healthy,
intelligent 21-year-old college graduate
who has driven me crazy the last nine months
with wedding lists, floral arrangements,
and choices of assorted hors d'oeuvres
has suddenly decided to spend this,
the most important day of her life,
locked in the Plaza Hotel john?
Yes. Yes! Yes!
Yes, yes, yes!
You must've said something!
Roy.
What are you gonna do?
Well, first, I'm going to get the college graduate
out of the bathroom.
Then we're going to have a wedding,
and then you and I are going to have a big talk!
Mimsey!
Mimsey.
( Roy knocks on door )
I want you and your $400 wedding dress
out of there in five seconds!
( Roy knocks on door )
Roy...
Roy, will you please lower your voice?
Everybody will hear us.
Well, how long do you think we can keep this a secret?
As soon as that boy down there says "I do,"
and there's nobody standing next to him,
they're going to suspect something.
Mimsey, you can't stay in there forever.
We only have the room until 6:00.
Do you hear me?
Roy, will you please try to control yourself?
All right, all right.
I'll stay here and control myself.
You can go down there and marry the tall skinny kid.
What the hell is the matter with you?
Don't you know what's happening?
Mimsey!
Get out of there! I paid for my sister
to come here all the way from California!
Now open the door!
Open the door!
Maybe she's not even in there.
She's in there!
God, I think I'm having a heart attack.
Of all days to have a heart attack.
I don't hear a peep out of her.
Is there a window in there?
Maybe she tried something crazy.
That's right.
Tell a woman who's having a heart attack
that her daughter jumped out the window.
Well, take a look in there. Take a look through the keyhole.
I want to make sure that she's in there.
She's in there, she's in there!
Look at this. Look at this.
My hand keeps bouncing off my chest.
Are you going to look to see
what your daughter's doing in the bathroom,
or do I hire a bellhop?
I'll look, I'll look!
Oh, my God!
What? What is it?
I ripped my stockings.
Is she in there?
She's in there, she's in there.
Where am I going to get another pair of stockings now?
How am I going to go to the wedding
with torn stockings?
Well, if she doesn't show up,
who's going to look at you?
There she is.
I can see you, Mimsey.
Do you hear me?
Don't turn away from me when I'm talking to you.
The only one in my family
to have a daughter married at the Plaza,
I've got torn stockings.
Do you want me to break the door down, Mimsey?
Is that what you want?
Because that's what I'm going to do
if you're not out of there in five seconds.
Stop crying on your dress!
Use the towel!
Maybe I could run across to Bergdorf's.
They have nice stockings.
Give me $4.00. I'll be back in ten minutes.
In ten minutes, she's going to be a married woman,
because I've had enough of this nonsense.
All right, Mimsey, stand in the shower,
because I'm breaking down the door.
Roy, don't get crazy.
Get out of my way.
Roy, she'll come out. Just talk nicely to her.
We've already had nice talking.
Now we're going to have door breaking.
Get out of the way.
All right, Mimsey! I'm coming in!
Don't! Don't! Don't!
( groans )
Get a doctor.
I knew it. I knew it.
Don't tell me you knew it.
Just get a doctor, will you?
I'm not coming in, Mimsey,
because my arm is broken.
Roy.
Roy, let me see it.
Let me see it.
Can you move the fingers?
Are you happy now?
Your mother's got torn stockings,
your father's got a broken arm.
How much longer is this gonna go on?
Roy, it's not broken. You can move the fingers.
Give me $4 with your other hand.
I have to get stockings.
Are you crazy, moving a broken arm?
Two dollars? I'll get a cheap pair.
I ain't carrying any cash today.
Everything is rented, rented.
I can't rent stockings!
Don't you even have a charge plate?
Wait in the Baroque Room, will you?
You're of no use to me here. Go wait in the Baroque Room.
With torn stockings?
Something's going on up there.
Walter...
I better find out.
Oh! Maybe her zipper broke.
For 20 minutes?
Suite 719, please.
They're going to be calling from downstairs any second now
asking where the bride is,
and I'm the one that's going to have to talk to them.
Me! Me! Me!
( telephone rings )
That's them. You speak to them.
What happened to me, me, me?
Answer it. Come on, answer it.
What am I going to say?
Everything's all right.
They'll know I'm lying.
Everything's all right.
They'll know I'm lying.
They'll know by the panic in my voice.
( sweetly ): Hello?
Oh, hello, Mr. Eisler.
No, no, everything's fine.
Shh! Stall them. Stall them.
Just keep stalling them.
Whatever you do, stall them.
Yes, yes, we'll be down in two minutes.
( hangs up )
Are you crazy?
What did you say that for?
I told you to stall them!
I stalled them. You got two minutes.
What do you want from me?
You always panic!
The minute there's a little crisis,
you always go to pieces and you panic!
Don't you wave your broken arm at me!
Why don't you use it to get your daughter out of the bathroom!
I could say something to you right now.
Why don't you go ahead and say it?
Because it would lead to a fight,
and I don't want to spoil this day for you.
I don't want to rush anyone,
but I have another wedding at the pier at 4:30.
Oh.
Mimsey, this is your father speaking.
I think you know that I am not a violent man.
I can be stern and strict,
but I have never once been violent.
Except when I'm angry,
and I'm really angry now, Mimsey.
You can ask your mother.
Mimsey, this is your mother speaking.
It's true, darling.
Your father is very angry.
Mimsey, this is your father again.
If you have a problem you would like to discuss,
unlock the door and we'll discuss it.
I'm not going to ask you this again, Mimsey.
I've reached the end of my patience!
I'm gonna count to three,
and by God, I'm warning you, young lady,
by the time I reach three, this door better be open!
One!
Two!
Three!
Where did we fail her?
Don't say that, Roy.
We didn't fail her.
They're playing "Here Comes the Bride" downstairs,
and she's barricaded in the toilet.
We must have failed her.
All right, if it makes you any happier,
we failed her.
You work, you hope, and you dream
and you save your whole life for this one day,
and in one click of a door, suddenly everything crumbles.
Why? What's the answer?
It's not your fault.
Roy, stop blaming yourself.
I'm not blaming myself. I know I've done my best.
What does that mean?
It means that we're not perfect, that's all.
We all make mistakes. We're only human.
I've done my best, and we've failed her.
Meaning I didn't do my best?
I didn't say that.
I don't know what your best is.
Only you know what your best is.
Did you do your best?
Yes, I did my best!
And I did my best.
Then we both did our best.
So it's not our fault.
Then we both did our best.
So it's not our fault.
That's what I said before!
Unless one of us didn't do our best.
I don't want to discuss it anymore.
What are we gonna do?
You come up with something!
I'm having a heart attack!
All right. I'll just have to go down
and tell them, that's all.
Tell them? What are you gonna tell them?
Well, I don't know. Those people down there
deserve some kind of an explanation.
They got all dressed up, didn't they?
What are you going to tell them?
Are you going to say my daughter is not gonna marry their son
and that she's locked herself in a bathroom?
What do you want me to do,
start off with a couple of good jokes?
They're gonna find out soon enough.
There's only enough hors d'oeuvres for two more hours.
I'll tell you what you're gonna do.
If she's not out of there in five minutes,
we're gonna go out the back door
and move to Seattle, Washington!
You don't think I'm gonna be able
to show my face in this city again, do you?
Roy!
( babbling )
ROY: You know what that chair is gonna cost me?
Almost as much as that door is gonna cost me.
I'm glad my father's not alive to see this day.
Would you believe it? Last night I cried.
Oh, yes.
I turned my head into the pillow,
and I lay there in the dark crying.
Because today I was losing my little girl.
Some stranger was coming
and taking my little Mimsey away from me.
So I turned my back away from you...
and I cried.
Wait'll you hear what goes on tonight.
I should have invited your cousin lily.
She wished this on me, I know it.
( chuckling )
You find something funny about this?
( laughing )
Yes, I find something funny about this.
I find it funny
that I hired a photographer for $300.
I find it hysterical
that the wedding pictures
are gonna be you and me
in front of a locked bathroom door.
Well, I'm through sitting around, waiting
for that door to open!
What are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
If you're jumping, I'm going with you.
You're not leaving me here alone.
I'm gonna crawl out along on the ledge
and get in there through the bathroom window.
Are you crazy?
It's seven stories high! You'll kill yourself!
Come on-- Will you let go of me?
I know what I'm doing.
Roy, don't do this.
We'll leave her in the bathroom. Let the hotel worry about it.
Will you let go of me?
Roy, please!
Will you let go of me?
Roy, please!
You're gonna rip my coat!
Hey, you in there.
Are you happy now?
Your mother's got torn stockings,
your father's got a rented ripped coat.
Come on, look at your mother and father.
Are you proud?
You happy to see your parents
look like a couple of run-over gypsies?
I'm coming after you, Mimsey!
I'm coming after you with my one good arm!
Get out of my way.
Ooh, I'm dizzy. I'm gonna pass out.
You can pass out after the wedding.
I'm dizzy!
Call room service.
I'm dizzy!
Call room service.
The minute I get back, I want a double scotch
and some needle and thread.
I mean it, Roy. Roy, I--
Roy! Roy, come back.
Please, God, come back.
Please let him be all right.
Please, God.
Roy. Roy!
Roy...Roy...
Aah. Aah. Aah.
Aah.
He'll kill himself.
He'll fall and kill himself.
That's the way my luck's been going all day.
( pigeons cooing )
Go away.
Go away, pigeons.
Come on, pigeons, move.
Get the hell outta there, you goddamn pigeons.
I won't look.
I won't look. I'll wait until I hear the scream.
Aah!
( telephone rings )
oh, God! God, I thought it was him.
( ring )
What am I going to say?
( sweetly ): Hello?
Oh, Mr. Eisler!
No. No, everything's fine.
Are you sure?
We're starting to get worried down here.
Is Mr. Hubley with you?
Uh, Roy? No.
He-- He just stepped out for a second.
He's coming right down.
Have some more hors d'oeuvres.
It's stopped. It's stopped beating.
I knew it.
( thunder )
I knew it.
It had to happen!
Roy?
Roy, where are you?
Roy!
He fell.
He fell. He fell. I know he fell.
He's laying there in a puddle
in front of Trader Vic's.
( thunder )
( gasping )
( sobbing )
I'm passing out.
I'm really passing out.
( sobbing )
( pounding on door )
I'm coming.
I'm coming. Help me.
Please, somebody help me!
( sobbing )
( gasps )
She locked the bathroom window too.
I had to go in through a strange bedroom.
There may be a lawsuit.
Don't yell at her.
Don't get her any more upset.
Don't get her upset?
I'm hanging seven stories from a gargoyle
in the pouring rain,
and you want me to worry about her?
Do you know what she's doing in there?
She's playing with her false eyelashes.
I'm out there fighting for my life with pigeons,
and she's playing with eyelashes!
( sobs )
I've made up my mind.
The minute I get my hands on her,
I'm gonna kill her.
Once I show them the wedding bills,
no jury on earth will convict me!
No.
No, no, I've changed my mind.
Killing's too good for her.
She can go into a convent.
Let her become a librarian
with thick glasses
and a pencil in her hair.
Let her become the first spinster
on the moon! I'm not paying
for any more canceled weddings!
Tell her! Go ahead, tell her!
Never mind. I'll tell her myself.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna smoke her out of there.
No!
I'm gonna smoke her out of there.
No!
I don't care if the whole hotel goes up!
No! I'll get her out.
I'll get her out. I'll get her out.
I will.
Mimsey?
Mimsey, do you want to destroy a family?
Do you want a scandal?
Do you want a story in the Daily News?
Is that what you want? Is it?
Open this door.
Open this door!
Promise you won't get hysterical.
What did you do?
I broke my diamond ring.
Your good diamond ring?
How many do I have?
Hey, you in there with the false eyelashes!
You want to see a broken diamond ring?
You want to see $1,800 worth of crushed baguettes?
Here! Here, look through the keyhole.
There's a worthless family heirloom.
There's a wooden diamond cutter!
Do you know what I'm gonna do now?
Do you have any idea?
I'm gonna wash my hands
of the entire Eisler-Hubley wedding.
You can take all your Eislers and all your Hubleys
and all your hors d'oeuvres and go to Central Park
and have yourselves an $8,000 picnic.
And then youse can wipe your faces
on 200 misspelled napkins.
I'm going down to the Oak Room
with my broken arm and my ripped suit,
and I'm gonna get blind.
I don't mean drunk, I mean totally blind!
Because I don't care if I ever see you
or your crazy daughter again
if I live to be a thousand!
That's right! Run out on me!
Run out on your daughter!
Run out on everybody just when they need you!
You don't need me.
You need a rhinoceros with a blowtorch
because no one else can get into that bathroom.
I'll tell you who can get into that bathroom.
Somebody with love and understanding.
Somebody who cares about that poor kid who's
going through some terrible decision there
and needs help.
Help that only you can give her.
And that I can give her!
That's who can get into that bathroom now!
( knocking )
Mimsey, this is Daddy.
Is there something wrong, dear?
I want to help you, darling.
Mother and I both do,
but how can we help you if you won't talk to us?
Mimsey, can you hear me?
Well, what does it say?
"I would like to talk to Daddy."
( door unlocks )
I'll try not to be too long.
( door locks )
"I would like to talk to Daddy."
Did she have to write it on this kind of paper?
Well, maybe I didn't do my best.
I thought we had such a good relationship. Friends.
Everybody said we were friends, not mother and daughter.
Tried to teach her there could be more
than just love between mother and daughter,
there could be trust...
respect...friendship...
understanding.
Just because I don't speak to my mother
doesn't mean we can't be different.
( door unlocks )
( door locks )
Uh, the Baroque Room, please.
Yes. Mr. Borden Eisler.
Right. Thank you.
I'm gonna have to guess, is that it?
It's so bad, you can't even tell me.
Words can't form in your mouth, it's so horrible.
Come on, Roy. I'm a strong person.
Tell me quickly. I'll get over it.
Borden, this is Mr. Hubley.
Can you come up to 719 right away?
Right away. Thank you.
She wanted to talk to me because she couldn't bear
to tell us both at the same time.
The reason she's locked herself
in the bathroom is that she's afraid.
Afraid? What is she afraid of,
that Borden doesn't love her?
Not that Borden doesn't love her.
That she doesn't love Borden?
Not that she doesn't love Borden.
What is she afraid of?
She's afraid of what they're gonna become.
I don't understand.
Well, think about it.
What is there to think about?
They love each other, they'll get married,
they'll have children, they'll grow older,
they'll become like us.
I never thought about that.
Makes you stop and wonder, doesn't it?
Well, I don't think we're so bad, do you?
Huh?
All right, so we yell and scream a little.
So we fight and curse and aggravate each other.
So you blame me for being a lousy mother,
I accuse you of being a rotten husband.
That doesn't mean we're not happy, does it?
Does it?
She wants something better.
( knock on door )
Hello, Borden.
Hi.
Hello, darling.
Hello.
Listen, Borden, you're an intelligent young man.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush with you.
We've got a serious problem on our hands.
Like what?
I'll tell you like what.
Mimsey is worried.
She's worried about your future together.
She's worried about the whole institution of marriage.
Now, we have tried to allay her fears,
but obviously we haven't been a very good example.
It seems that you are the only one
who can communicate with her now, Bords.
She's locked herself in the bathroom in there
and she will not come out.
It's up to you now.
Mimsey, this is Borden.
Cool it!
See you downstairs.
( door unlocks )
I'm ready now.
Now you're ready, huh?
Now you come out.
Roy, please.
I break every bone in my body,
and you come out for "cool it"?
You're beautiful, darling.
Walk. Walk with your father.
I want to look at the two of you together.
ROY: That's how he communicates, huh?
That's the brilliant understanding
between two people?
"Cool it"?
Walk, Roy. Will you walk?
In five minutes, he'll marry one of the flower girls.
ROY: Four years he went to law school,
and all he learned how to say is "cool it"?
( cheering )
They'll be all right, won't they, Roy?
She was better off in the bathroom.
Do you hear me? Better off in the bathroom.
( uplifting theme playing )