1
00:01:46,141 --> 00:01:49,862
Yeah. Okay, Ernie, that'll be just fine.
We'll see you in a few minutes.

2
00:01:50,021 --> 00:01:51,147
Bye-bye.

3
00:01:51,301 --> 00:01:54,225
Marion, Joanie,
we're gonna have a family meeting.

4
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,429
Good. I like it when
we do things together.

5
00:01:56,581 --> 00:01:58,470
Richie, come on down,
front and centre.

6
00:01:58,621 --> 00:02:01,989
I hate family meetings. I always
end up losing part of my allowance.

7
00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:04,303
- Chuck's not here.
- Well, I'll be his proxy, Marion.

8
00:02:04,461 --> 00:02:05,667
He's not much help anyway.

9
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:07,903
He's always bouncing
his basketball while I'm talking.

10
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,063
- Will you put that away, please?
- What's going on?

11
00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:11,586
We're having a family meeting.

12
00:02:11,781 --> 00:02:13,670
I hope it's your allowance
and not mine.

13
00:02:13,861 --> 00:02:16,148
- Whose allowance is it, Howard?
- It's nobody's allowance.

14
00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:18,110
Now, will you all
please just sit down?

15
00:02:18,261 --> 00:02:19,467
Could we sort of hurry, Dad?

16
00:02:19,621 --> 00:02:21,271
See, Arnold just got back
from Los Angeles.

17
00:02:21,421 --> 00:02:23,947
He's gonna have his waitresses
start wearing roller skates.

18
00:02:24,101 --> 00:02:25,785
I can't wait to see
Marsha on roller skates.

19
00:02:25,981 --> 00:02:27,824
Yeah, well, you'll have
to see Marsha tomorrow.

20
00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:30,627
But, Dad, she might do some
of her funniest falling tonight.

21
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:32,823
Now that we're all seated

22
00:02:32,981 --> 00:02:34,471
the meeting will please
come to order.

23
00:02:34,661 --> 00:02:37,949
- I tell you, I'm innocent.
- This is not a trial, Joanie.

24
00:02:38,461 --> 00:02:39,508
Now, look.

25
00:02:39,661 --> 00:02:42,426
The reason I called you
all here together is because,

26
00:02:42,581 --> 00:02:45,744
well, any minute now
a salesman is gonna come in here.

27
00:02:45,901 --> 00:02:48,666
- What kind of salesman?
- We're buying a new house?

28
00:02:48,821 --> 00:02:49,982
What's wrong with this house?

29
00:02:50,141 --> 00:02:51,984
Well, we don't have
enough closet space, Howard.

30
00:02:52,141 --> 00:02:55,111
Life would be so pleasant
if we just had enough closet space.

31
00:02:55,261 --> 00:02:57,229
Now, we're not buying
a new house, Marion.

32
00:02:57,381 --> 00:02:58,906
A new car? That'd be cool.

33
00:02:59,061 --> 00:03:02,349
No, it's not a new car,
new closet space, or cool.

34
00:03:02,501 --> 00:03:03,662
What, then?

35
00:03:03,821 --> 00:03:07,792
Well, it's something that I've been
thinking about for a long time.

36
00:03:07,941 --> 00:03:11,388
Ever since I saw Edward R. Murrow's
programme about the Cold War.

37
00:03:11,541 --> 00:03:13,862
And it didn't sound good.
And then one day,

38
00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:17,309
this salesman came into my store
with this brochure and...

39
00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:21,102
Well, tonight he's coming here.

40
00:03:21,261 --> 00:03:24,151
- What does he sell?
- He sells

41
00:03:24,301 --> 00:03:26,747
- bomb shelters.
- Bomb shelters?

42
00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:30,144
Well, let's not talk about that in front
of the children. It'll just frighten them.

43
00:03:30,581 --> 00:03:33,187
Now, listen, Marion,
the Russians now have the bomb

44
00:03:33,341 --> 00:03:34,991
and they could
decide to drop it on us.

45
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,910
The Cold War is a fact of life.

46
00:03:37,061 --> 00:03:40,065
And everyone, including our children,
have got to live with it.

47
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,865
Now, look,
I'm not trying to scare anyone.

48
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:44,023
I'm merely trying to protect my family.

49
00:03:44,221 --> 00:03:46,144
Can we afford a bomb shelter?

50
00:03:46,461 --> 00:03:52,468
Well, we do have our funds for that
vacation trip to Carlsbad Caverns.

51
00:03:52,621 --> 00:03:54,749
- Phooey.
- Double phooey, dear.

52
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:58,144
Who wants to blow our whole
vacation fund on a hole in the ground?

53
00:03:58,301 --> 00:04:01,589
Well, what's Carlsbad Caverns
but a whole in the ground?

54
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,386
That's him.
What am I gonna tell him?

55
00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:05,384
- I vote no.
- I'm against it too.

56
00:04:05,541 --> 00:04:08,067
Tell him no, dear.
But try not to hurt his feelings.

57
00:04:08,221 --> 00:04:11,543
Even bomb-shelter salesmen
have feelings.

58
00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:15,747
- Hi, Ernie.
- Mr. Cunningham.

59
00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:17,551
- Good to see you again.
- Good to see you.

60
00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:20,227
- You have a lovely house here.
- Thank you.

61
00:04:20,901 --> 00:04:23,427
Marion, Richard, Joanie,
this is Mr. Marinetti.

62
00:04:23,581 --> 00:04:25,629
The whole family. Good, good.

63
00:04:25,781 --> 00:04:29,502
Son, big boy.
Lovely daughter and of course, Mom.

64
00:04:29,661 --> 00:04:30,947
Nice to meet you all.

65
00:04:31,101 --> 00:04:33,103
Now, first of all,
I want you to call me Ernie.

66
00:04:33,261 --> 00:04:35,343
I'm a very informal person. Okay?

67
00:04:35,501 --> 00:04:37,583
Good. And may I call you Herbert?

68
00:04:37,781 --> 00:04:39,670
Well, I don't like Herbert.
My name is Howard.

69
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,222
I'm sorry. I'm very bad on names.

70
00:04:42,421 --> 00:04:44,583
I thought salesmen
were supposed to be good at names.

71
00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:46,465
What a cute kid.

72
00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:50,549
You're not a kid at all.
Why, you're almost a teenager.

73
00:04:51,381 --> 00:04:52,667
Yeah.

74
00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:56,508
- Aren't you gonna tell him, Dad?
- I'll tell him, Richard,

75
00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:58,470
but it doesn't hurt
to hear what he has to say.

76
00:04:58,621 --> 00:05:00,749
Now, why don't we
all sit where we usually sit?

77
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,268
- Howard, where do you usually sit?
- I sit there.

78
00:05:03,421 --> 00:05:05,071
Of course, Pop sits right over here.

79
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,223
And of course you wanna be
right near Pop, right?

80
00:05:07,381 --> 00:05:09,190
Down there, big boy. Big boy.

81
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:12,788
Mom, sit next
to Miss Almost Little Teenager, okay?

82
00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:15,069
I'm gonna hand you out
these brochures.

83
00:05:15,221 --> 00:05:16,791
Here. Let's get a greenie for you.

84
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,831
Match that beautiful little T-shirt
you got there.

85
00:05:19,981 --> 00:05:24,111
Howard, a blue for you, and a blue one,
like father like son. Okay.

86
00:05:24,261 --> 00:05:27,151
Now we'll start out
with the deluxe model.

87
00:05:27,301 --> 00:05:29,702
It's a two-foot
concrete wall all around

88
00:05:29,861 --> 00:05:32,785
with a complete
inside shielding of solid lead.

89
00:05:32,981 --> 00:05:34,665
- To tell you the truth...
- Too expensive?

90
00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:36,829
Okay, why don't
we try the standard model.

91
00:05:36,981 --> 00:05:38,221
Now, it's the same dimensions,

92
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,146
same safety features inside and out
except for the lead.

93
00:05:41,301 --> 00:05:44,623
Ernie, just before you came in
we took another vote

94
00:05:44,781 --> 00:05:46,988
and decided against
buying the shelter.

95
00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:51,104
Okey-dokey. That's entirely up to you.

96
00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:54,272
Look, I hope we
haven't wasted your time.

97
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,742
Howard, it's never a waste
of time to meet a nice family.

98
00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:59,552
You're not gonna try harder
to sell us?

99
00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:03,183
Richie, what I'm trying to sell you
is something for your own good.

100
00:06:03,341 --> 00:06:05,503
I mean, I used to be
a patio-furniture salesman.

101
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,743
And I admit I was...
I was quite a hustler.

102
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,903
But this is something
that I honestly believe in.

103
00:06:10,061 --> 00:06:12,302
I mean, you just don't hard-sell safety.

104
00:06:12,501 --> 00:06:14,469
You really think
there'll be a need for it, Ernie?

105
00:06:14,661 --> 00:06:16,470
- Margaret, if I...
- No, my name's...

106
00:06:16,621 --> 00:06:18,942
No, no, no. Don't tell me.

107
00:06:19,101 --> 00:06:21,911
Martha. No, no. Margaret-No.

108
00:06:22,061 --> 00:06:23,586
- Minnie.
- Oh, please let me help you.

109
00:06:23,741 --> 00:06:26,824
- No, I've got it. Marsha. Mitzie?
- No.

110
00:06:26,981 --> 00:06:28,471
- Oh, you better help me.
- Marion.

111
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,111
- No, that's not it.
- Yes, it is.

112
00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:32,907
Oh, of course it is.
Of course it is. I was just kidding.

113
00:06:33,061 --> 00:06:36,747
No. I honestly believe
what Edward R...

114
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:39,108
- Murrow.
- Murrow. Murrow said.

115
00:06:39,261 --> 00:06:40,911
Do you have
your own bomb shelter?

116
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,308
Of course I do, Howard.

117
00:06:43,461 --> 00:06:46,783
You know, Howie,
I like to think of my little bomb shelter

118
00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:50,946
as a sort of a personal little
secret message to Nikita Khrushchev

119
00:06:51,101 --> 00:06:53,786
that the good old U.S. of A.
Is not gonna be pushed around.

120
00:06:53,941 --> 00:06:55,625
- Well, I'm all for that.
- Right.

121
00:06:55,781 --> 00:06:57,624
Well, just think about it a minute.

122
00:06:57,781 --> 00:07:00,671
I mean, it's very possible
that in case of nuclear attack

123
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,950
there are going to be
very few survivors left around here

124
00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:06,342
to repopulate this beautiful town.

125
00:07:06,501 --> 00:07:08,151
Joanie, I think
you should leave the room.

126
00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:09,866
It's just getting interesting.

127
00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:13,463
I'd like to try repopulating.

128
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,705
Richard.

129
00:07:15,861 --> 00:07:18,944
Dad, I just wanna do my part
as a good American.

130
00:07:20,621 --> 00:07:23,192
Oh, be careful.

131
00:07:29,901 --> 00:07:32,347
Watch out, everybody.

132
00:07:37,421 --> 00:07:39,344
Marsh, think you're ready
for the Roller Derby?

133
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,947
Oh, why did Arnold
have to go to Los Angeles?

134
00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:45,310
If he'd gone to Atlantic City, I'd be
pushed around in a boardwalk cart.

135
00:07:45,461 --> 00:07:47,190
I'm not an athletic lady, you know.

136
00:07:47,381 --> 00:07:50,783
- That's for sure.
- This is as far as I go, fellas.

137
00:07:50,941 --> 00:07:54,832
You want your french fries,
you come over here.

138
00:07:57,141 --> 00:07:58,506
Mail me a tip.

139
00:08:04,021 --> 00:08:06,342
Girls, we gotta have a meeting.

140
00:08:07,181 --> 00:08:10,390
- It's better than Sid Caesar.
- It sure is.

141
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:11,747
Hey, say, Rich, no snow.

142
00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:13,824
Are you gonna build
a bomb shelter in your yard?

143
00:08:13,981 --> 00:08:17,144
Yeah. Well, it's not all set,
of course, but it's pretty certain.

144
00:08:17,301 --> 00:08:19,110
My dad's got the plans
and everything.

145
00:08:19,261 --> 00:08:22,629
Boy, have you got it M-A-D-E.
It'll be a great place to take the chicks.

146
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:26,587
Oh, wait. I don't think that's
exactly what my dad has in mind.

147
00:08:26,741 --> 00:08:29,870
Yeah, but what your dad don't know
won't hurt him.

148
00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:33,222
- Say, Rich, I'm your best friend, right?
- Sure.

149
00:08:33,381 --> 00:08:35,304
Then you got my spot
in the bomb shelter reserved?

150
00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:37,429
- You wouldn't forget your friend.
- I don't know...

151
00:08:37,581 --> 00:08:39,902
What do you mean?
I mean, what would life be like

152
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,985
surviving without your best friend?
Loneliness. Guilt.

153
00:08:43,181 --> 00:08:44,467
- Desperation.
- All right, okay.

154
00:08:44,621 --> 00:08:46,385
But don't mention it to everybody,
all right?

155
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:48,191
Don't tell everybody
I got a bomb shelter.

156
00:08:48,381 --> 00:08:50,702
Got you, Rich. I understand.
Gotta keep out the riff raff.

157
00:08:52,901 --> 00:08:54,585
Hey, Fonz.

158
00:08:55,381 --> 00:08:57,748
- Hey, Fonz.
- Hi, Fonzie.

159
00:08:58,141 --> 00:08:59,745
What is going on here?

160
00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:02,512
I just got sideswiped
by a hit-and-run waitress.

161
00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:05,345
Hey, Rich,
you think we should tell Fonz?

162
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,230
- Oh, Potsie.
- Tell me what?

163
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,627
Nothing, nothing.

164
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:13,230
Hey, it sounds like you're trying
to keep a secret from the Fonz.

165
00:09:13,381 --> 00:09:17,386
That makes me feel
like you're not a true friend, Rich.

166
00:09:17,741 --> 00:09:18,867
<i>Well...</i>

167
00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:22,787
We're just putting
a bomb shelter in our back yard.

168
00:09:24,541 --> 00:09:27,465
That's it? I thought it was
something important.

169
00:09:27,661 --> 00:09:29,743
Don't you ever worry about them
dropping the big one?

170
00:09:29,941 --> 00:09:32,069
Hey, like I always say, you live fast,

171
00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:34,064
you die young,
you leave a good-looking corpse.

172
00:09:34,261 --> 00:09:35,831
Hey, that's cool.

173
00:09:35,981 --> 00:09:38,302
Nick Romano said that
in Knock on Any <i>Door.</i>

174
00:09:39,981 --> 00:09:42,427
I think I said it better.

175
00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:45,666
- Hey, let me help you, Marsh.
- No. Don't touch my body.

176
00:09:47,341 --> 00:09:49,662
No, Richie!

177
00:09:50,021 --> 00:09:52,501
Hey there's Jennifer.
She just had a date with Moose.

178
00:09:52,661 --> 00:09:55,710
Let's go find out
if it's true what they say about him.

179
00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:01,265
Hey, Rich, let me see you a minute.
Come here.

180
00:10:02,261 --> 00:10:04,070
- What's new?
- Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

181
00:10:04,221 --> 00:10:07,703
- Nothing's new.
- Don't panic. I believe you.

182
00:10:07,861 --> 00:10:12,992
Richard, in this hand I have two tickets
to the rock 'n' roll show.

183
00:10:13,141 --> 00:10:15,792
It's Bill Haley, here we come.

184
00:10:15,941 --> 00:10:19,184
That's crummy. I didn't think you
were gonna be able to get the tickets.

185
00:10:19,341 --> 00:10:21,230
And I didn't even get a date.

186
00:10:21,381 --> 00:10:23,190
Why don't you ask
Carole Akron over there?

187
00:10:23,381 --> 00:10:25,702
- Oh, no. No.
- What's the matter?

188
00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:28,472
She's a hot chick.
Her ears are pierced.

189
00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:31,465
Oh, I've asked her out a few times
and she always says no.

190
00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:35,103
So what? Suzy said no to me
for two months.

191
00:10:35,461 --> 00:10:37,589
But now she's going outwith me.

192
00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:40,392
I had to get down on my knees
and beg before she would.

193
00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:42,145
Oh, well, why would you want to beg?

194
00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:45,111
If you've ever been kissed
by Suzy, you'd never have to ask.

195
00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:47,741
If she just used one lip,
it would be worth it.

196
00:10:47,901 --> 00:10:51,986
Well, I don't think
she's the begging type.

197
00:10:52,181 --> 00:10:54,468
To each his own. Hey.

198
00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:58,587
Potsie's moving in on my Suzy.

199
00:11:00,821 --> 00:11:02,107
Hey, hey, Suzy.

200
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,707
Richie, can I chew the fat
with you a minute?

201
00:11:04,861 --> 00:11:07,831
- Oh, sure, Carole.
- Kind of privately?

202
00:11:07,981 --> 00:11:10,461
Oh, wanna go in the photo booth?

203
00:11:10,621 --> 00:11:12,146
No, here's all right.

204
00:11:12,301 --> 00:11:13,905
Oh, that's what I figured.

205
00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:16,464
Potsie said you had a bomb shelter.

206
00:11:17,861 --> 00:11:20,751
Oh, no, no, that's just a rumour.
See, my dad talked about it once.

207
00:11:20,901 --> 00:11:23,108
But we don't have a bomb shelter.

208
00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:26,310
It's just Potsie's sense of humour.
No bomb shelter.

209
00:11:28,341 --> 00:11:32,505
But I was wondering
if you're free for this Friday.

210
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:35,147
Well, not exactly. I have three dates.

211
00:11:35,781 --> 00:11:37,624
Three dates is "not exactly"?

212
00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:40,222
I can't decide who to go outwith.

213
00:11:40,421 --> 00:11:43,186
Well, I have a couple
of tickets to the rock 'n' roll show.

214
00:11:43,381 --> 00:11:46,032
- Rock 'n' roll show?
- Yeah.

215
00:11:46,461 --> 00:11:48,145
Yep, I think it's Cooty.

216
00:11:48,301 --> 00:11:50,952
Well, nice chewing the fat with you,
Richie.

217
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:53,342
I have a bomb shelter.

218
00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:57,151
- You said you didn't.
- Well...

219
00:11:58,261 --> 00:11:59,911
Come here.

220
00:12:00,061 --> 00:12:02,746
See, I'm trying to keep it a secret.

221
00:12:02,941 --> 00:12:05,182
I don't want everybody
to know about it.

222
00:12:05,341 --> 00:12:07,992
Just somebody special like you.

223
00:12:08,821 --> 00:12:13,588
Gee. I never went outwith anybody
with a bomb shelter before.

224
00:12:13,741 --> 00:12:14,742
Yeah, well.

225
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:19,111
Closest I ever came was when I got
stuck in the elevator with Ziggy Wilson.

226
00:12:19,341 --> 00:12:21,309
Well, before the concert,

227
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:22,946
I could take you to my back yard

228
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:24,626
and show you where
we're gonna build it.

229
00:12:26,341 --> 00:12:28,912
Yeah. I'll go with you.

230
00:12:29,061 --> 00:12:31,382
Well, I'll see you Friday then.

231
00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:33,191
Okay.

232
00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:38,502
Hey, Rich.

233
00:12:38,661 --> 00:12:40,390
Listen, you know
what you can do for me?

234
00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:43,226
You could save me a place
in that shelter.

235
00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:46,823
Potsie, I ought to give you
a knuckle sandwich.

236
00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:48,028
Why? Fonzie told him.

237
00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:50,422
Why don't you give him
a knuckle sandwich?

238
00:12:51,181 --> 00:12:52,990
I guess we have enough room
for one more.

239
00:12:53,141 --> 00:12:55,747
- Great.
- Rich, watch out.

240
00:12:58,381 --> 00:12:59,792
I said no pickles.

241
00:13:07,901 --> 00:13:09,391
Let's come up for air.

242
00:13:09,541 --> 00:13:12,021
Okay, but just for a short break.

243
00:13:13,181 --> 00:13:16,185
I'm sorry. I got my cuff link
caught in your hair.

244
00:13:16,341 --> 00:13:18,070
I'm sorry.

245
00:13:18,221 --> 00:13:20,986
Well, that was some
rock 'n' roll show, huh?

246
00:13:21,141 --> 00:13:23,030
Yeah, I guess so.

247
00:13:23,181 --> 00:13:24,546
Tell me more about the shelter.

248
00:13:24,741 --> 00:13:27,187
Oh, well...

249
00:13:28,781 --> 00:13:30,021
Did you ever think that ours

250
00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:32,707
is the first generation
to grow up with the bomb?

251
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,671
No, I never thought that.

252
00:13:36,981 --> 00:13:39,951
Well, it's made our generation
different.

253
00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:41,307
More serious.

254
00:13:41,461 --> 00:13:43,941
Not that I don't like having fun.

255
00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:45,944
But, you know,

256
00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:49,184
more responsible
to future generations.

257
00:13:49,341 --> 00:13:50,945
Future generations?

258
00:13:52,421 --> 00:13:54,310
Well, yeah.

259
00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:57,749
Just suppose that you and I
were in the bomb shelter.

260
00:13:57,901 --> 00:13:59,949
And it happened. Am I scaring you?

261
00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:01,782
No.

262
00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:06,511
Well, then afterwards

263
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:10,746
you and I would have
the responsibility of rebuilding.

264
00:14:12,221 --> 00:14:16,021
Of repopulating this entire town.

265
00:14:17,061 --> 00:14:18,062
Richie.

266
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:23,789
If I were going with someone
and things were,

267
00:14:23,941 --> 00:14:26,785
well, serious...

268
00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:28,511
Yeah?

269
00:14:28,661 --> 00:14:30,982
Could I bring a date to the shelter?

270
00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:33,587
Cooty has a colour TV.

271
00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:43,028
Now, look, the food shelves
are gonna go right here.

272
00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:46,105
The beds are gonna be here
and the toilet is gonna be right here.

273
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,547
- Where's the door?
- Right here.

274
00:14:47,781 --> 00:14:50,148
Don't you think we should
move the bathroom somewhere else

275
00:14:50,301 --> 00:14:52,952
so that when people drop in,
it won't be the first thing they see?

276
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,707
Marion, we're not trying to get
into Better Homes <i>and</i> Gardens.

277
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,511
We're trying to survive
a nuclear attack.

278
00:14:57,701 --> 00:14:59,908
I know, but we can survive
with good taste.

279
00:15:00,821 --> 00:15:02,823
You can put the toilet wherever
you want it.

280
00:15:03,981 --> 00:15:08,145
Good. Now, what colour scheme
did you have in mind?

281
00:15:09,461 --> 00:15:12,032
I thought I'd bring Hugo out now
so I wouldn't forget him later.

282
00:15:12,181 --> 00:15:15,981
Joanie, look, I'm sorry, but Hugo is out.
He's non-essential.

283
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:17,347
But he sleeps with me.

284
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,230
Couldn't you sleep
with something smaller?

285
00:15:19,381 --> 00:15:21,702
- No.
- Well, then try sucking your thumb.

286
00:15:23,101 --> 00:15:26,150
This wasn't my idea.
I wanted to go to Carlsbad Caverns.

287
00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:27,706
Come here.

288
00:15:29,301 --> 00:15:30,905
Now, listen, sweetheart.

289
00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:33,189
I know that all of this
isn't much fun for you.

290
00:15:33,341 --> 00:15:35,912
But someday
when we come out of this shelter

291
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,268
and find that the whole world
has been destroyed,

292
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:39,827
you're gonna thank me.

293
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:48,269
- Did what I say make sense?
- No, but don't worry about it, dear.

294
00:15:48,421 --> 00:15:52,471
You're her father and she doesn't
expect you to make sense all the time.

295
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,231
Oh, Howard,
it's 5 minutes to 12.

296
00:15:55,381 --> 00:15:56,951
Coming.

297
00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,389
- Where's my helmet, huh?
- What helmet?

298
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,862
My civil defence helmet.
I wanna wear it for the drill.

299
00:16:02,021 --> 00:16:03,102
Where are the kids?

300
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,582
Richard, Joanie.
Where did I put that helmet?

301
00:16:05,741 --> 00:16:07,345
You want me to help you look for it?

302
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:09,947
Dad, there's something
I better tell you about the drill today.

303
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:11,990
Look, everybody,
just listen up for a minute.

304
00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:14,104
I want you to act
like this is any other Saturday.

305
00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:16,104
Just do what you normally do.

306
00:16:18,341 --> 00:16:20,423
Well, what are you
all standing around for?

307
00:16:20,581 --> 00:16:23,232
Marion, get in the kitchen
and cook or something.

308
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:25,622
Well, that's silly, Howard,
the drill's in three minutes.

309
00:16:25,781 --> 00:16:28,227
Well, can't you pretend
that you don't know that?

310
00:16:28,381 --> 00:16:31,703
Well, now, I'll just pretend
that I'm in the kitchen cooking a roast.

311
00:16:31,861 --> 00:16:33,590
Dad, I really have something
that I have...

312
00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:36,506
Richard, not now. I want everybody
to go about their business

313
00:16:36,661 --> 00:16:38,629
as if nothing happened, huh?

314
00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:41,546
Well, go, go.
I'm gonna go look for my helmet.

315
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,544
I'm gonna take Hugo.

316
00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:45,988
Oh, here's your helmet, Howard.

317
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:49,108
Hey, Rich. Hi, Mrs. C. Squirt.

318
00:16:49,261 --> 00:16:50,592
Potsie, what are you doing here?

319
00:16:50,741 --> 00:16:52,903
During a drill you go
where you'd go for the real thing.

320
00:16:53,061 --> 00:16:54,347
- This is where I'd go.
- Potsie.

321
00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:56,742
- You said I could.
- Hey, guys. Rich.

322
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:59,142
I hope I'm not late, am I?
I brought Suzy along.

323
00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:01,303
Listen, Rich, I'm asking her
to go steady

324
00:17:01,461 --> 00:17:03,270
so I had to bring her, you know?

325
00:17:03,421 --> 00:17:05,901
- Ralph, I did not say...
- Come on, what's wrong?

326
00:17:06,061 --> 00:17:09,304
Let's go. Okay.

327
00:17:20,981 --> 00:17:24,110
What's the matter with you guys?
You never saw a motorcycle before?

328
00:17:24,941 --> 00:17:28,070
- I'll be right back. Excuse me, Fonzie.
- Go knock yourself out.

329
00:17:31,941 --> 00:17:33,705
Richard, there are people
in my bomb shelter.

330
00:17:33,861 --> 00:17:35,625
I know. That's what I was
trying to tell you.

331
00:17:35,781 --> 00:17:37,624
You see, through a series
of misunderstandings...

332
00:17:37,781 --> 00:17:40,990
Look, I know they're friends of yours,
Richard, but they can't stay here.

333
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:42,745
Would you mind
breaking the news to them?

334
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:45,791
- I don't wanna hurt their feelings.
- Sure, Richard.

335
00:17:47,021 --> 00:17:49,149
- All right, everybody out.
- But I was invited.

336
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,587
I'm cancelling the invitation.

337
00:17:50,741 --> 00:17:52,505
- Everyone out.
- Hey, hey, hey.

338
00:17:52,701 --> 00:17:55,944
If the bomb drops on your car,
don't bring it to my garage.

339
00:18:05,021 --> 00:18:08,582
We're still going steady, aren't we?
We could crouch in my basement.

340
00:18:08,741 --> 00:18:11,392
If Hugo goes, I go.

341
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:14,468
Some best friend.

342
00:18:14,821 --> 00:18:17,347
Potsie, let me try to explain.

343
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:24,670
Well, I had to do it, Marion. It's our
shelter and it's a matter of survival.

344
00:18:24,821 --> 00:18:27,392
I understand, dear.

345
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:32,069
Howard, who is that man
standing behind us?

346
00:18:33,101 --> 00:18:35,069
I thought he was a friend of yours.

347
00:18:35,221 --> 00:18:38,430
I thought he was a friend of yours.

348
00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:50,628
No, dummy, if you wear the knot
in front it means you're available.

349
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,829
This means you're going steady.

350
00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:54,631
Oh, yeah, yeah.

351
00:18:54,781 --> 00:18:57,705
Hey, you guys mind if I sit here?

352
00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:01,987
- Not at all.
- Thanks.

353
00:19:04,341 --> 00:19:07,026
We were just leaving. Fast.

354
00:19:10,661 --> 00:19:12,151
Hey, Richie,

355
00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:15,350
I heard about the gang not talking
to you on account of the bomb shelter.

356
00:19:16,141 --> 00:19:18,872
Don't worry about it. Take it from me.

357
00:19:19,021 --> 00:19:21,672
I've lived with pain and loneliness
most of my life.

358
00:19:21,821 --> 00:19:24,301
After a while, you get used to it.

359
00:19:25,941 --> 00:19:28,865
Hey, this is on the house.

360
00:19:35,421 --> 00:19:37,423
Dad, can I talk to you for a minute?

361
00:19:37,581 --> 00:19:39,265
Sure, Richard. I'm all ears.

362
00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:42,265
Oh, good. Because I'd like to have
another family meeting

363
00:19:42,421 --> 00:19:43,946
about this bomb shelter thing.

364
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:46,672
Well, that's a good idea
because I'm still trying to decide

365
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:48,664
whether we should
stay with the standard model

366
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,311
or move up to the deluxe.

367
00:19:50,501 --> 00:19:52,469
Well, that wasn't
exactly what I had in mind.

368
00:19:52,661 --> 00:19:54,504
Well, we'll talk about it. Marion.

369
00:19:54,701 --> 00:19:57,352
Another family meeting?
That's two in one week.

370
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:59,868
No wonder I'm so nervous
all the time.

371
00:20:00,021 --> 00:20:01,864
Dad, what I wanted to talk about...

372
00:20:02,061 --> 00:20:04,268
- Can I be excused?
- No.

373
00:20:04,421 --> 00:20:06,628
Howard, Pauline Saxon just called.

374
00:20:06,781 --> 00:20:08,749
She wants to know
if we have room in our shelter.

375
00:20:08,901 --> 00:20:10,232
Well, I hope you told her no.

376
00:20:10,381 --> 00:20:12,782
Well, I said if an opening comes up
I'll call her.

377
00:20:12,941 --> 00:20:15,182
Marion, you can't tell everybody that.

378
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,951
But they're our neighbours.

379
00:20:17,141 --> 00:20:18,631
Well, the whole world
is our neighbour.

380
00:20:18,781 --> 00:20:20,431
Shall we invite the whole world in?

381
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,669
Family meetings are no fun.

382
00:20:22,861 --> 00:20:24,226
You can be excused.

383
00:20:24,421 --> 00:20:25,752
Good.

384
00:20:26,981 --> 00:20:29,348
I still vote for Carlsbad Caverns.

385
00:20:29,541 --> 00:20:31,430
Dad, the way I figure it is

386
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,783
if they drop the bomb
then I won't have any friends.

387
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,182
And if they don't drop the bomb
I won't have any friends.

388
00:20:36,341 --> 00:20:38,389
So, what good is this bomb shelter?

389
00:20:38,581 --> 00:20:41,346
That's an interesting question.
What's your answer, Howard?

390
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:45,546
I'll tell you what good it is.
If you sit in it, you have peace of mind.

391
00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:48,392
While all your friends
are pounding on the door?

392
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,663
Look, the discussion is over.
We're gonna take a vote.

393
00:20:50,821 --> 00:20:52,585
Marion, you still want the shelter,
don't you?

394
00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:54,869
Oh, Joanie's making more sense
all the time.

395
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,944
Okay, then, we won't take a vote.

396
00:20:57,101 --> 00:20:58,944
There are certain decisions
that have to be made

397
00:20:59,101 --> 00:21:01,308
by the head of the house
and that is me.

398
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,190
Then I guess
the family discussion is over.

399
00:21:03,341 --> 00:21:05,469
- Well, I guess it is.
- I'll just go on up in my room,

400
00:21:05,621 --> 00:21:07,111
and think about
what it's gonna be like

401
00:21:07,261 --> 00:21:08,786
with no friends
for the rest of my life.

402
00:21:08,941 --> 00:21:11,706
I'll call Mother
and tell her she's on her own.

403
00:21:16,621 --> 00:21:19,750
Being the head of the house
is a lonely job.

404
00:21:31,621 --> 00:21:33,111
Hi, Dad.

405
00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,583
Please use the door.

406
00:21:38,621 --> 00:21:40,749
I seem to be here all alone.

407
00:21:40,901 --> 00:21:42,471
I know.

408
00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:46,230
We had a little family meeting
of our own.

409
00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:49,623
We voted not to survive.

410
00:21:54,861 --> 00:21:56,590
I see.

411
00:21:56,781 --> 00:21:58,431
Dad, I don't understand
what's happening.

412
00:21:58,581 --> 00:22:01,949
You're a nice guy who's talking
about trying to lock his friends out.

413
00:22:02,101 --> 00:22:05,548
In the words of Leo Durocher,
"Nice guys finish last."

414
00:22:06,421 --> 00:22:09,470
In an atomic war
does anybody finish first?

415
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:12,424
Are you telling me
that living through a bomb

416
00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:14,504
isn't worth losing a few friends?

417
00:22:15,941 --> 00:22:17,545
Dad, we figured that if things
come down

418
00:22:17,701 --> 00:22:20,181
to somebody dropping the bomb

419
00:22:20,541 --> 00:22:22,828
then we'd rather live now
than survive later.

420
00:22:23,821 --> 00:22:25,471
Understand?

421
00:22:32,301 --> 00:22:34,429
I guess you understand.

422
00:22:36,101 --> 00:22:37,432
Richard...

423
00:22:39,301 --> 00:22:44,182
...what do you think of a man who gets
so carried away by his own fears...

424
00:22:44,981 --> 00:22:47,507
...that he forgets about other people?

425
00:22:48,581 --> 00:22:50,424
I'd say he's human.

426
00:23:01,141 --> 00:23:03,747
<i>One' two, three.</i>

427
00:23:03,901 --> 00:23:06,666
I gotta go. Pin.

428
00:23:07,461 --> 00:23:08,826
Ladies and gentlemen.

429
00:23:08,981 --> 00:23:12,622
- The world champion.
- Cool it. I'm retiring as champ.

430
00:23:12,781 --> 00:23:15,546
Right, Fonz. Gotcha, Fonz.
He's retiring as champ.

431
00:23:15,701 --> 00:23:18,022
- Let's go. Break it up.
- Come on, split.

432
00:23:18,181 --> 00:23:20,024
Go write a letter.

433
00:23:21,581 --> 00:23:23,106
- Hi, you guys.
- Cunningham.

434
00:23:23,261 --> 00:23:24,342
- Hi, Rich.
- Rich.

435
00:23:24,541 --> 00:23:26,669
Hey, I hear your bomb shelter
ain't no more.

436
00:23:26,821 --> 00:23:30,348
Yeah, your bomb shelter
turned into a bomb.

437
00:23:31,821 --> 00:23:33,266
Funny as a crutch, Ralph.

438
00:23:33,421 --> 00:23:34,832
I'm ahead of my time.

439
00:23:36,061 --> 00:23:37,347
My dad decided to use the money

440
00:23:37,501 --> 00:23:39,708
to take us on a trip
to Carlsbad Caverns.

441
00:23:39,861 --> 00:23:41,431
Carlsbad Caverns?
Hey, that sounds neat.

442
00:23:41,581 --> 00:23:43,424
I'm your best friend.
I don't take much space.

443
00:23:43,581 --> 00:23:45,231
- You can take me, right?
- I wanna go too.

444
00:23:45,381 --> 00:23:48,828
- I never saw a stalagmite before.
- I'll see you guys later, okay?