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(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

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(RECORD PLAYER SLOWING
TO A STOP)

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00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:10,588
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC RESUMES)

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(RECORD PLAYER
SLOWING TO A STOP)

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(SENTIMENTAL
VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

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00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,890
(RECORD PLAYER
SLOWING TO A STOP)

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(RECORD PLAYER WINDS UP)

8
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:17,571
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

9
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,482
(WIND HOWLING)

10
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:02,074
(HOOFBEATS APPROACHING)

11
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,174
Whoa, there!

12
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,011
(BIRD CAWING)

13
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,318
GUARD 1: Halt!

14
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,196
GUARD 2: Who goes there?

15
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,617
It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther
Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.

16
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,870
King of the Britons,
defeater of the Saxons.

17
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,706
Sovereign of all England!

18
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,626
GUARD 1: Pull the other one.

19
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:57,004
I am, and this is my
trusty servant, Patsy.

20
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,883
We have ridden the length of
the land in search of knights

21
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,385
who will join me in
my court at Camelot.

22
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,888
I must speak with
your lord and master.

23
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,681
What? Ridden on a horse?

24
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:08,849
Yes.

25
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,059
You're using coconuts!

26
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,227
What?

27
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,229
You've got two
empty halves of coconut,

28
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,231
and you're
banging them together.

29
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:19,235
So? We have ridden since the
snows of winter covered this land.

30
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,445
Through the Kingdom of Mercia.

31
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,322
Where did you
get the coconuts?

32
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,615
We found them.

33
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,910
Found them? In Mercia?
The coconut is tropical.

34
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,703
What do you mean?

35
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,080
Well, this is
a temperate zone.

36
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,499
The swallow may fly
south with the sun,

37
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,834
or the house
martin or the plover

38
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,044
may seek warmer
climes in winter,

39
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,255
yet these are not
strangers to our land.

40
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,633
Are you suggesting
coconuts migrate?

41
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,177
Not at all.
They could be carried.

42
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:48,180
What? A swallow
carrying a coconut?

43
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,099
It could grip it by the husk.

44
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,768
It's not a question
of where he grips it.

45
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,271
It's a simple
question of weight ratio.

46
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,942
A five-ounce bird could not
carry a one-pound coconut.

47
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,862
It doesn't matter.
Go tell your master

48
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,947
that Arthur from
Camelot is here.

49
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:09,577
GUARD: In order to maintain
air-speed velocity,

50
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:14,456
a swallow needs to beat its wings
43 times every second, right?

51
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,458
Please!
Am I right?

52
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,336
I'm not interested.

53
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,547
GUARD 2: It could be carried
by an African swallow.

54
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,466
GUARD 1: Oh, yes!
An African swallow, maybe.

55
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,886
Not a European swallow.
That's my point.

56
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,220
I agree with that.

57
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:32,641
Will you ask your master if he
wants to join my court at Camelot?

58
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,687
But then, of course, African
swallows are non-migratory.

59
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,314
GUARD 2: Oh, yes.

60
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,982
They couldn't bring
a coconut, anyway.

61
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,236
GUARD 3: Wait a minute! Supposing
two swallows carried it together?

62
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,989
GUARD 4: No, they'd
have to have it on a line.

63
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,533
GUARD 3: Simple. They'd
use a strand of creeper.

64
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,202
Held under the dorsal
guiding feathers?

65
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,329
Why not?

66
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,832
MAN: Bring out your dead!

67
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,501
(PEOPLE SOBBING)

68
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:04,798
(CLANGING)

69
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:09,845
(CLANGING)

70
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,603
(COUGHING)

71
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,823
Ninepence.

72
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,621
(MEN MOANING)

73
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,636
Bring out your dead.

74
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,804
Here's one.

75
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,138
Ninepence.

76
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,807
I'm not dead!
What?

77
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,392
Nothing.
Here's your ninepence.

78
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,559
I'm not dead!

79
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,727
He says he's not dead.

80
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,895
Yes, he is.

81
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,480
I'm not!
He isn't?

82
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:02,815
He will be soon.
He's very ill.

83
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,149
I'm getting better!

84
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,985
You'll be stone
dead in a moment.

85
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,737
I can't take him like that.
It's against regulations.

86
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,406
I don't want to
go on the cart.

87
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,157
Don't be such a baby.

88
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,283
I can't take him.

89
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:14,410
I feel fine.

90
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,494
Well, do us a favor.

91
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,537
I can't.

92
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,248
Can you hang around a few
minutes? He won't be long.

93
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,042
Got to go to the Robinsons'.
They've lost nine today.

94
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,919
When's your next round?
Thursday.

95
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,796
I think I'll go for a walk.

96
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,756
You're not fooling anyone,
you know.

97
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,258
Isn't there
something you can do?

98
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:33,012
I feel happy.

99
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,221
(GRUNTS)

100
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,639
Thanks very much.

101
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,141
Not at all.
See you on Thursday.

102
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,308
Right.

103
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,647
Who's that, then?

104
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,190
I don't know. Must be a king.

105
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,692
Why?

106
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,068
He hasn't got
shit all over him.

107
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,594
Old woman!
Man!

108
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,473
Man. Sorry. What knight lives
in that castle over there?

109
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:18,640
I'm 37.

110
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,850
What?

111
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,977
I'm 37. I'm not old.

112
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,979
I can't just call you "man. "

113
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,481
You could say "Dennis. "

114
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,066
I didn't know you
were called Dennis.

115
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,817
You didn't bother to find out.

116
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,653
I did say sorry about the
"old woman," but from behind...

117
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,990
What I object to is that you
treat me like an inferior.

118
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,492
Well, I am king.

119
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,993
King? Very nice.

120
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,413
How did you get that?
By exploiting the workers!

121
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,250
By hanging on to outdated
imperialist dogma which perpetuates

122
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,337
the economic and social
differences in our society!

123
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,422
If there's ever going
to be any progress...

124
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,591
There's some
lovely filth down here.

125
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:53,675
Oh!

126
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,177
How do you do?

127
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,263
How do you do, good lady? I
am Arthur, King of the Britons.

128
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,473
Whose castle is that?

129
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,766
King of the who?

130
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,934
The Britons.

131
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,018
Who are the Britons?

132
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,271
We all are. We're all Britons.
And I am your king.

133
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,315
Didn't know we had a king.

134
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,192
I thought we were
an autonomous collective.

135
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,112
You're fooling yourself.
We're living in a dictatorship.

136
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,281
A self-perpetuating autocracy
in which the working class...

137
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,867
There you go.
Bringing class into it again.

138
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,120
That's what it's all about.
If only people...

139
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,455
Please, good people.
I am in haste.

140
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,749
Who lives in that castle?

141
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,376
No one lives there.

142
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,502
Who is your lord?

143
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,462
We don't have a lord.
What?

144
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,715
I told you. We're an
anarcho-syndicalist commune.

145
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,302
We take turns to act as a sort
of executive officer for the week.

146
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,428
Yes.

147
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,972
But all
the decisions of that officer

148
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,974
are ratified at
a biweekly meeting.

149
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,100
Yes, I see.

150
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,394
By a majority in
the case of internal affairs.

151
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,478
Be quiet!

152
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,689
By a two-thirds
majority in the case of...

153
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,983
Be quiet!
I order you to be quiet.

154
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,485
"Order. "
Who does he think he is?

155
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,820
I am your king!

156
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,196
I didn't vote for you.

157
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,073
You don't vote for kings.

158
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,741
How did you become king then?

159
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,328
The Lady of the Lake,
her arm clad

160
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,289
in the purest
shimmering samite,

161
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,500
held aloft Excalibur
from the bosom of the water,

162
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,503
signifying,
by divine providence,

163
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,006
that I, Arthur,
was to carry Excalibur.

164
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,008
That is why I'm your king!

165
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,052
Listen. Strange women
lying in ponds,

166
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,637
distributing swords,
is no basis

167
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,016
for a system of government.
Supreme executive power

168
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,310
derives from
a mandate from the masses.

169
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,687
Not from some
farcical aquatic ceremony.

170
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:29,855
Be quiet!

171
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,025
You can't expect to wield
supreme executive power

172
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,694
'cause some watery tart
threw a sword at you.

173
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,029
Shut up!

174
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,031
If I went around
saying I was an emperor

175
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,241
because some
moistened bint had lobbed

176
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,410
a scimitar at me,
they'd put me away!

177
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,537
Will you shut up?

178
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,623
See the violence
inherent in the system.

179
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,499
Shut up!

180
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,376
See the violence
inherent in the system!

181
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,378
Help, I'm being repressed!

182
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:54,546
Bloody peasant!

183
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,049
What a giveaway.
Did you hear that?

184
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,219
That's what I'm on about.
Did you see him repressing me?

185
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:17,527
(KNIGHTS GRUNTING)

186
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,328
(KNIGHTS SHOUTING)

187
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:31,667
(GRUNTING)

188
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,801
(SHOUTING)

189
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,186
(BOTH GRUNTING)

190
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,234
(GROANING)

191
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:00,988
(GROANING)

192
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,921
(SHOUTING)

193
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,008
(GURGLING)

194
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,384
(THUDDING)

195
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:40,068
You fight with the strength
of many men, Sir Knight.

196
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,407
I am Arthur,
King of the Britons.

197
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,913
I seek the finest
and bravest knights

198
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,249
in the land to
join me in Camelot.

199
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:03,050
You have proved yourself
worthy. Will you join me?

200
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,767
You make me sad.
So be it. Come, Patsy.

201
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,769
None shall pass.

202
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,229
What?
None shall pass.

203
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,732
I have no quarrel with you,
good Sir Knight,

204
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,650
but I must cross this bridge.

205
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,944
Then you shall die.

206
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,783
I command you, as King of
the Britons, to stand aside.

207
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,661
I move for no man.

208
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,664
So be it!

209
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,460
(BELLOWS MENACINGLY)

210
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:46,051
(SHOUTING)

211
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,485
Now, stand aside,
worthy adversary.

212
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,112
'Tis but a scratch.

213
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,780
"A scratch"? Your arm's off.

214
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:07,989
No, it isn't.

215
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,282
Well, what's that, then?

216
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:11,827
I've had worse.
You liar.

217
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,537
Come on, you pansy!

218
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:19,835
(SHOUTING)

219
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,963
Victory is mine.

220
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,758
We thank thee,
Lord, that in thy...

221
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:27,843
(GRUNTS)

222
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,845
Come on, then.
What?

223
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,388
Have at you.

224
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,559
You are brave, Sir Knight,
but the fight is mine.

225
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,227
Oh! Had enough, eh?

226
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,814
Look, you stupid bastard.
You've got no arms left.

227
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,357
Yes, I have.
Look!

228
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,276
Just a flesh wound.

229
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,863
Look, stop that.
Chicken!

230
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,449
I'll have your leg. Right!

231
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,327
Right! I'll do you for that.

232
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,579
You'll what?

233
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,038
Come here.

234
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,582
What are you going to do?
Bleed on me?

235
00:15:58,666 --> 00:15:59,958
I am invincible!

236
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,418
You're a loony.

237
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,839
The Black Knight always
triumphs. Have at you!

238
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,133
Come on, then.

239
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,762
(MUMBLING)

240
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,474
All right,
we'll call it a draw.

241
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,392
Come, Patsy.

242
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,894
Oh, oh, I see.

243
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,898
Running away?
You yellow bastard!

244
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,108
Come back here and
take what's coming to you!

245
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,360
I'll bite your legs off!

246
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,868
<i>MONKS:
♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

247
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:39,873
<i>♪ Dona eis requiem</i>

248
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,334
(CHURCH BELL RINGS)

249
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:46,254
<i>♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

250
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:52,761
<i>♪ Dona eis requiem ♪</i>

251
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,067
WOMAN: A witch!
MAN: We found a witch.

252
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,443
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

253
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,111
We got a witch.

254
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,279
We found a witch.

255
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,575
We've got a witch.

256
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,995
Burn her!

257
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:23,124
(CLAMOR APPROACHING)

258
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,339
We have found a witch.
May we burn her?

259
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,258
ALL: Burn her!

260
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,386
How do you know
she is a witch?

261
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,012
She looks like one.

262
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,806
(PEOPLE AGREEING)

263
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,516
Bring her forward.

264
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,477
I am not a witch.

265
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,729
But you are dressed as one.

266
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,439
They dressed me up like this.

267
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,899
ALL: We didn't!

268
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,569
(SPEAKING NASALLY) And this
isn't my nose. It's a false one.

269
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,240
Well?

270
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,366
Well, we did do the nose.

271
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,577
The nose?

272
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,078
And the hat.
But she is a witch.

273
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,373
ALL: Burn her!

274
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,334
Did you dress
her up like this?

275
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,420
ALL: No. Yes.

276
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,090
Yes, a bit.
She has got a wart.

277
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,552
What makes you
think she is a witch?

278
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,637
Well, she turned me
into a newt.

279
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,223
A newt?

280
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,770
I got better.

281
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,314
Burn her anyway.

282
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,690
Burn her!

283
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,446
Quiet!

284
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,282
There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.

285
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,659
Are there?
What are they? Tell us.

286
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,411
Do they hurt?

287
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,789
Tell me,
what do you do with witches?

288
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,334
ALL: Burn them!

289
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,211
What do you burn
apart from witches?

290
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,130
More witches!

291
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,214
Shh!

292
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,175
Wood.

293
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,010
So, why do witches burn?

294
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,689
'Cause they're made of wood?

295
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,024
Good.

296
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,151
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

297
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,696
So, how do we tell whether
she is made of wood?

298
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,199
Build a bridge out of her.

299
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,577
Ah! Can you not also
make bridges of stone?

300
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,704
Oh, yeah.

301
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,208
Does wood sink in water?

302
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,709
No.

303
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,002
It floats.

304
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,796
Throw her into the pond!

305
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,422
(ALL SHOUTING)

306
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,677
What also floats in water?

307
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:39,886
Bread.

308
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,846
Apples.
Uh, very small rocks.

309
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,974
Cider. Cherries.
Gravy. Mud.

310
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,227
Churches.
Lead.

311
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,478
A duck!

312
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:51,898
Exactly.

313
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,360
So, logically...

314
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,487
If she

315
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,657
weighs the same as a duck...

316
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,703
She's made of wood.

317
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,246
And, therefore...

318
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,916
A witch!
A witch!

319
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,840
We shall use my
largest scales.

320
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:31,312
(ALL CLAMORING IMPATIENTLY)

321
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,697
Right. Remove the supports!

322
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,078
ALL: A witch!

323
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,789
It's a fair cop.
Burn her!

324
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,667
(ALL SHOUTING)

325
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,050
Who are you, who are so
wise in the ways of science?

326
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,802
I am Arthur,
King of the Britons.

327
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,512
My liege.

328
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,308
Good Sir Knight,
will you come to Camelot,

329
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,852
and join us at
the Round Table?

330
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,521
My liege, I would be honored.

331
00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,356
What is your name?

332
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:16,733
Bedevere, my liege.

333
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,903
Then I dub you Sir Bedevere,

334
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,697
knight of the Round Table.

335
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,952
<i>NARRATOR: The wise Sir Bedevere was
the first to join King Arthur's knights.</i>

336
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,914
<i>But other illustrious names
were soon to follow.</i>

337
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,249
<i>Sir Lancelot the Brave.</i>

338
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,960
<i>Sir Galahad the Pure.</i>

339
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:39,756
<i>And Sir Robin, the
Not-quite-so-brave- as-Sir-Lancelot,</i>

340
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,091
<i>who had nearly fought
the Dragon of Angnor,</i>

341
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,261
<i>who had nearly stood up to
the vicious Chicken of Bristol,</i>

342
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:49,098
<i>and who had personally wet himself
at the Battle of Badon Hill.</i>

343
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:52,811
<i>And the aptly named Sir
Not-appearing-in-this-film.</i>

344
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,939
<i>Together they formed a band</i>

345
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,859
<i>whose names and deeds were to be
retold throughout the centuries.</i>

346
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,403
<i>The Knights of
the Round Table.</i>

347
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,491
That, my liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.

348
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,035
This new learning
amazes me, Sir Bedevere.

349
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,995
Explain again how
sheep's bladders

350
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,956
may be employed to
prevent earthquakes.

351
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:13,998
Certainly, sir.

352
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:15,083
Look, my liege.

353
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,922
Camelot.
Camelot.

354
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:23,132
Camelot.
It's only a model.

355
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,342
Shh!

356
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,512
Knights, I bid you welcome
to your new home.

357
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,265
Let us ride to Camelot!

358
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,183
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

359
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:33,893
<i>♪ We're knights
of the Round Table</i>

360
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:35,395
<i>♪ We dance whene'er we're able</i>

361
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:38,565
<i>♪ We do routines and chorus
scenes With footwork impeccable</i>

362
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:41,943
<i>♪ We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot</i>

363
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:50,368
<i>♪ We're knights
of the Round Table</i>

364
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,954
<i>Our shows are formidable</i>

365
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,456
<i>♪ But many times
We're given rhymes</i>

366
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,418
<i>♪ That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in Camelot</i>

367
00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:01,838
<i>♪ We sing from
the diaphragm a lot</i>

368
00:23:04,258 --> 00:23:05,258
(MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)

369
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:15,602
(RHYTHMIC CLANGING)

370
00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:18,187
<i>♪ In war we're tough and able</i>

371
00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,232
<i>♪ Quite indefatigable</i>

372
00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,902
<i>♪ Between our quests
We sequin vests</i>

373
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,196
<i>♪ And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot</i>

374
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,618
<i>♪ I have to push
the pram a lot ♪</i>

375
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,001
No, on second thoughts, let's not
go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

376
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,336
Right.

377
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:50,470
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

378
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:53,973
<i>Arthur.</i>

379
00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:55,767
<i>King of the Britons.</i>

380
00:23:57,603 --> 00:24:00,229
<i>Oh, don't grovel. If there's
one thing I can't stand,</i>

381
00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:01,356
<i>it's people groveling.</i>

382
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,149
<i>Sorry.
And don't apologize.</i>

383
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,485
<i>Every time I talk to someone</i>

384
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,195
<i>it's "sorry this,"
and, "forgive me that,"</i>

385
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,905
<i>and, "I'm not worthy. "</i>

386
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:10,365
<i>What are you doing now?</i>

387
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:11,783
I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.

388
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,661
<i>Don't. It's like those
miserable psalms.</i>

389
00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:16,412
<i>They're so depressing.</i>

390
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,373
<i>Now, knock it off!
Yes, Lord.</i>

391
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,960
<i>Right. Arthur,
King of the Britons.</i>

392
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:25,171
<i>Your knights of the
Round Table shall have a task</i>

393
00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:27,966
<i>to make them an example
in these dark times.</i>

394
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:29,342
Good idea, O Lord!

395
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,760
<i>Course it's a good idea.</i>

396
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,181
<i>Behold, Arthur,
this is the Holy Grail.</i>

397
00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:40,061
<i>Look well, Arthur, for it is your
sacred task to seek this grail.</i>

398
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,730
<i>That is your purpose, Arthur.</i>

399
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,401
<i>The quest for the Holy Grail.</i>

400
00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:52,407
A blessing from the Lord.

401
00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:54,409
God be praised!

402
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,052
Halt!

403
00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:03,853
(HORN BLARING)

404
00:26:05,022 --> 00:26:06,147
Hello!

405
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:14,822
Hello!

406
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,076
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Hello. Who is it?

407
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:21,996
It is King Arthur, and these are
my knights of the Round Table.

408
00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:23,706
Whose castle is this?

409
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,210
This is the castle of my
master, Guy de Loimbard.

410
00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:31,380
Go and tell your master that
we have been charged by God

411
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,925
with a sacred quest.

412
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:36,594
If he will give us food and
shelter for the night,

413
00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:39,555
he can join us in our quest
for the Holy Grail.

414
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,059
Well, I'll ask him, but I
don't think he'll be very keen.

415
00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,228
He's already got one, you see.

416
00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:47,563
What?

417
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:48,856
He says they've
already got one!

418
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,110
Are you sure he's got one?

419
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:54,028
Oh, yes. It's very nice.

420
00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:57,073
I told him we've
already got one.

421
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:58,282
(SNICKERING)

422
00:26:58,534 --> 00:26:59,534
Uh, um...

423
00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:02,328
Can we come up
and have a look?

424
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,539
Of course not!
You are English-types.

425
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:07,250
Well, what are you then?

426
00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:08,459
I'm French.

427
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:12,547
Why do you think I have this
outrageous accent, you silly king?

428
00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:14,549
What are you doing in England?

429
00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:16,217
Mind your own business.

430
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,720
If you will not
show us the Grail,

431
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:21,639
we shall take
your castle by force.

432
00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:24,892
You don't frighten us,
English pig-dogs!

433
00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:29,438
Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person.

434
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:33,609
I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King.

435
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:37,905
You and all your
silly English knights.

436
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:42,076
(RAZZING)

437
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,414
What a strange person.

438
00:27:46,582 --> 00:27:48,166
Now look here, my good man...

439
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,626
I don't want to
talk to you no more,

440
00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:54,213
you empty-headed,
animal food-trough wiper.

441
00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:57,341
I fart in your
general direction.

442
00:27:57,843 --> 00:28:02,763
Your mother was a hamster, and
your father smelt of elderberries.

443
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,685
Is there someone else up there
we could talk to?

444
00:28:07,769 --> 00:28:11,647
No. Now go away, or I shall
taunt you a second time.

445
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:17,695
Now, this is your last chance.
I've been more than reasonable...

446
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,238
<i>Fetchez la vache!
Quoi?</i>

447
00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,781
<i>Fetchez la vache!</i>

448
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,245
If you do not agree to my
commands, then I shall...

449
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,164
(BOINGING)
(COW MOOING)

450
00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:29,540
Jesus Christ!

451
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:31,876
Crikey!

452
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:32,960
(GRUNTS)

453
00:28:34,504 --> 00:28:36,797
Right! Charge!

454
00:28:38,926 --> 00:28:41,219
(CATAPULT FIRING)

455
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:46,140
(JEERING VICIOUSLY)

456
00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:50,895
(CAT YOWLING)

457
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,023
Run away! Run away!

458
00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:55,942
(KNIGHTS SHOUTING)

459
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:01,155
(RAZZING)

460
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,660
Fiends! I'll tear them apart.

461
00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:06,869
No, no.

462
00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,914
Sir, I have a plan, sir.

463
00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:18,172
(WIND BLOWING)

464
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,719
(SAWING)

465
00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:27,515
(CLATTERING)

466
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:35,731
(CAT YOWLING)

467
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:38,526
(SQUEAKING)

468
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:40,111
(CREAKING)

469
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:44,699
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

470
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:54,125
(METAL CLANKING)

471
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,514
(RUMBLING APPROACHING)

472
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,170
(GUARD 1 SPEAKING FRENCH)

473
00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:46,510
GUARD 1: Un cadeau.
GUARD 2: What?

474
00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:47,595
<i>A present.
Un cadeau.</i>

475
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:50,181
<i>Oui, allons-y. Let's go.</i>

476
00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:04,153
(FRENCH GUARDS CHATTERING)

477
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:13,621
(CASTLE DOOR CLOSES)

478
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,373
What happens now?

479
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:20,378
Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad,
and I wait until nightfall,

480
00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:24,965
and then leap out of the rabbit,
taking the French by surprise.

481
00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:28,135
Not only by surprise,
but totally unarmed!

482
00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,346
Who leaps out?

483
00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:33,599
Uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I

484
00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,644
leap out of the rabbit.

485
00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:39,021
(MOANS)

486
00:31:41,358 --> 00:31:42,358
Um...

487
00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:45,653
Look. If we built this large,
wooden badger...

488
00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:47,822
(CATAPULT FIRES)

489
00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:52,034
ALL: Run away!

490
00:31:58,667 --> 00:31:59,667
(ALL SHOUTING)

491
00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:03,003
<i>History for Schools. Take 8.</i>

492
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,380
DIRECTOR: Action!

493
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,674
Defeat at
the castle seems to have

494
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,676
utterly disheartened
King Arthur.

495
00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:11,303
The ferocity of
the French taunting

496
00:32:11,388 --> 00:32:13,514
took him
completely by surprise.

497
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:18,185
Arthur became convinced that
a new strategy was required

498
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:20,479
if the quest for
the Holy Grail were

499
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:22,731
to be brought to
a successful conclusion.

500
00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:25,693
Arthur, having consulted
his closest knights

501
00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:28,154
decided that they
should separate,

502
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,364
and search for
the Grail individually.

503
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,575
(HOOFBEATS APPROACHING)
Now, this is what they did...

504
00:32:32,742 --> 00:32:33,742
(BELLOWING)

505
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:36,954
Frank!

506
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,673
(NARRATOR READING)

507
00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:51,469
<i>So, each of the knights
went their separate ways.</i>

508
00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:55,055
<i>Sir Robin rode north, through
the dark forest of Ewing,</i>

509
00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:57,808
<i>accompanied by his
favorite minstrels.</i>

510
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:02,771
<i>MINSTREL: ♪ Bravely bold Sir
Robin Rode forth from Camelot</i>

511
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:07,610
<i>♪ He was not afraid to die
O, Brave Sir Robin</i>

512
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:11,906
<i>♪ He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways</i>

513
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:15,075
<i>♪ Brave, brave, brave,
brave Sir Robin</i>

514
00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:20,581
<i>♪ He was not in the least bit
scared To be mashed into a pulp</i>

515
00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:25,544
<i>♪ Or to have his eyes gouged
out And his elbows broken</i>

516
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:29,673
<i>♪ To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away</i>

517
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:33,177
<i>♪ And his limbs all hacked
and mangled Brave Sir Robin</i>

518
00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:36,722
<i>♪ His head smashed in
And his heart cut out</i>

519
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,724
<i>♪ His liver removed
And his bowels unplugged</i>

520
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:41,769
<i>♪ His nostrils raped, his bottom
burned off And his penis... ♪</i>

521
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,772
That's, uh,
enough music for now, lads.

522
00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,608
Looks like there's
dirty work afoot.

523
00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:53,072
DENNIS: Anarcho-syndicalism
is a way of preserving freedom.

524
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:56,617
WOMAN: Dennis, forget about
freedom. Don't drop that mud.

525
00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:02,456
(ECHOING) Halt! Who art thou?

526
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:05,501
<i>♪ He is brave Sir Robin,
brave Sir Robin... ♪</i>

527
00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:06,877
Shut up!

528
00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:11,006
(STAMMERING) Nobody, really.
I was just passing through.

529
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,550
<i>What do you want?</i>

530
00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:14,051
<i>♪ To fight and... ♪</i>

531
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:15,344
Shut up!

532
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:16,595
Um... Oh!

533
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,472
Nothing. Nothing, really.

534
00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:20,641
(STAMMERING) Just to pass
through, good Sir Knight.

535
00:34:20,809 --> 00:34:22,393
<i>I'm afraid not.</i>

536
00:34:23,144 --> 00:34:24,144
Ah.

537
00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:26,730
Actually, I am
a knight of the Round Table.

538
00:34:26,856 --> 00:34:29,233
<i>You're a knight
of the Round Table?</i>

539
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:30,693
I am.

540
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:31,819
<i>In that case,
I have to kill you.</i>

541
00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:32,987
<i>Shall I?</i>

542
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:34,113
<i>I don't think so.</i>

543
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:35,281
<i>What do I think?</i>

544
00:34:35,365 --> 00:34:37,199
<i>Kill him.
Let's be nice to him.</i>

545
00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:38,367
<i>Shut up.
But...</i>

546
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:39,493
<i>And you!</i>

547
00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:41,579
<i>Get the sword out.
I want to cut his head off!</i>

548
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:42,997
<i>Cut your own head off.</i>

549
00:34:43,164 --> 00:34:44,498
<i>Yes, do us all a favor.</i>

550
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,625
<i>What?
Yapping on all the time.</i>

551
00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:48,210
<i>You're lucky
you're not next to him.</i>

552
00:34:48,295 --> 00:34:49,461
<i>What do you mean?</i>

553
00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:50,546
<i>You snore.</i>

554
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:51,672
<i>I don't.</i>

555
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:53,340
<i>You've got bad breath.</i>

556
00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:54,967
<i>Only because you
don't brush my teeth.</i>

557
00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,428
<i>Stop bitching,
and let's go and have tea!</i>

558
00:34:57,512 --> 00:34:59,513
<i>All right!
We'll kill him first,</i>

559
00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:01,640
<i>and then have
tea and biscuits.</i>

560
00:35:01,725 --> 00:35:03,058
<i>Yes.
Not biscuits.</i>

561
00:35:03,143 --> 00:35:06,604
<i>All right! Not biscuits.
But let's kill him anyway.</i>

562
00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,771
BOTH: Right.

563
00:35:10,358 --> 00:35:11,483
<i>He's buggered off!</i>

564
00:35:11,610 --> 00:35:12,693
<i>So he has! He's scarpered.</i>

565
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,111
<i>♪ Brave Sir Robin ran away</i>

566
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,195
No!

567
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,114
<i>♪ Bravely ran away, away</i>

568
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,324
I didn't.

569
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,076
<i>♪ When danger
reared its ugly head</i>

570
00:35:21,202 --> 00:35:23,120
<i>♪ He bravely
turned his tail and fled</i>

571
00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:27,082
<i>♪ Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned
about And gallantly he chickened out</i>

572
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:31,295
<i>♪ Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat</i>

573
00:35:31,504 --> 00:35:33,547
<i>♪ Bravest of the brave,
Sir Robin ♪</i>

574
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:34,673
I never!

575
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:40,763
<i>♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

576
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:45,809
<i>♪ Dona eis requiem ♪</i>

577
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:48,145
(EXCLAIMS)

578
00:35:52,692 --> 00:35:53,692
(WHOOPING)

579
00:36:00,617 --> 00:36:01,617
Ooh.

580
00:36:05,455 --> 00:36:08,123
(NARRATOR READING)

581
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,167
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

582
00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:20,928
(ANIMAL HOWLING)

583
00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:42,533
(ANIMAL HOWLING)

584
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:05,431
Open the door.

585
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,727
In the name of King Arthur,
open the door!

586
00:37:10,145 --> 00:37:11,979
(WOOD CREAKING)

587
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,400
(PANTING)

588
00:37:16,985 --> 00:37:17,985
(DOOR SLAMS)

589
00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:19,820
Hello!

590
00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:24,116
Welcome, gentle Sir Knight.
Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

591
00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:27,077
The Castle Anthrax?

592
00:37:27,162 --> 00:37:28,328
Yes.

593
00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:30,831
It's not a very
good name, is it?

594
00:37:30,915 --> 00:37:35,461
Oh, but we are nice, and we will
attend to your every, every need!

595
00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:38,756
You are the keepers
of the Holy Grail?

596
00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:40,007
The what?

597
00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:41,258
The Grail. It is here?

598
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:45,220
But you are tired,
and you must rest awhile.

599
00:37:45,722 --> 00:37:47,139
Midget! Crapper!

600
00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:48,932
MIDGET AND CRAPPER:
Yes, O Zoot?

601
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,476
Prepare a bed for our guest.

602
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,186
Thank you, Zoot.

603
00:37:52,312 --> 00:37:53,520
Thank you.

604
00:37:53,646 --> 00:37:55,314
Away, away, varletesses!

605
00:37:57,066 --> 00:38:01,195
The beds here are warm and
soft, and very, very big.

606
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,071
Look, I, uh...

607
00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,448
What is your name,
handsome knight?

608
00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:06,867
Uh, Sir Galahad the Chaste.

609
00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,038
Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot.

610
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:13,874
Oh, but come.

611
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,876
Please, in God's name,
show me the Grail.

612
00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:20,088
You have suffered much.
You are delirious.

613
00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:21,465
Look, I have seen it.
It is here.

614
00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:22,925
Sir Galahad!

615
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:26,970
You would not be so ungallant
as to refuse our hospitality.

616
00:38:27,889 --> 00:38:28,972
(STAMMERING)

617
00:38:29,057 --> 00:38:30,057
Oh!

618
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:35,229
I'm afraid our life must seem very
dull and quiet, compared to yours.

619
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:38,607
We're eight score
blondes and brunettes,

620
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,193
all between 16
and 19 and a half,

621
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:44,655
cut off in this castle,
with no one to protect us.

622
00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,324
It is a lonely life.

623
00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:53,080
Bathing, dressing, undressing,
making exciting underwear.

624
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:57,209
We are just not used
to handsome knights.

625
00:38:57,544 --> 00:39:00,128
Nay. Come. You may lie here.

626
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,507
But you are wounded!

627
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:04,716
No, it's nothing!

628
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:09,805
You must see the doctors
immediately. Please, lie down.

629
00:39:12,976 --> 00:39:14,768
Well, what seems
to be the trouble?

630
00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:16,937
They're doctors?

631
00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:20,440
Uh, they have
a basic medical training.

632
00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:23,193
Come, come,
you must try to rest.

633
00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,989
Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston!
Practice your art.

634
00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:35,789
Try to relax.

635
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,291
Are you sure that's
absolutely necessary?

636
00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:39,251
We must examine you.

637
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:43,797
There's nothing
wrong with that.

638
00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:45,591
Please. We are doctors.

639
00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,595
Look, this cannot be.

640
00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:51,221
I am sworn to chastity!

641
00:39:51,347 --> 00:39:52,431
Back to your bed!

642
00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:55,309
Torment me no longer.
I have seen the Grail.

643
00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:56,977
There's no Grail here.

644
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:58,478
I have seen it.

645
00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:01,106
I have seen...
WOMEN: Hello.

646
00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:08,196
(BECKONINGLY) Hello.

647
00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:28,967
Zoot!

648
00:40:29,052 --> 00:40:31,803
I am Zoot's
identical twin sister, Dingo.

649
00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:34,264
Where are you going?

650
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:35,599
I seek the Grail.

651
00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:37,935
I have seen it
here in this castle!

652
00:40:39,020 --> 00:40:43,398
Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot!

653
00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:45,359
What is it?

654
00:40:45,485 --> 00:40:47,069
Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!

655
00:40:47,570 --> 00:40:51,782
She has been setting light to
our beacon, which is Grail-shaped.

656
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,534
It's not the first time
we've had this problem.

657
00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:56,328
It's not the real Grail?

658
00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:59,539
Wicked, bad,
naughty, evil Zoot.

659
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:03,001
She is a bad person,
and must pay the penalty.

660
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:06,964
Do you think this scene
should have been cut?

661
00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,925
We were so worried when
the boys were writing it.

662
00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:11,593
But now we're glad.
It's better

663
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,345
than some
previous scenes, I think.

664
00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,222
<i>Ours was better visually.</i>

665
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,058
Ours was committed. It wasn't
a string of pussy jokes.

666
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,351
Get on with it.

667
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:20,686
Yes. Get on with it!

668
00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:23,397
ALL: Get on with it!

669
00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:25,774
I am enjoying this scene.

670
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:27,901
<i>Get on with it!</i>

671
00:41:28,528 --> 00:41:29,528
(SIGHS)

672
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,532
Wicked, wicked Zoot!

673
00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:37,536
She must pay the penalty.

674
00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:40,998
In Castle Anthrax,
we have one punishment

675
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:42,791
for setting alight
the Grail-shaped beacon.

676
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:46,086
You must tie her down
on a bed, and spank her.

677
00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:48,422
WOMEN: A spanking!
A spanking!

678
00:41:48,589 --> 00:41:51,133
You must spank her,
and after you've spanked her,

679
00:41:51,217 --> 00:41:52,509
deal with her as you like.

680
00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:53,719
And, then, spank me.

681
00:41:53,803 --> 00:41:54,886
And me!

682
00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,096
And me.
And me.

683
00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:58,682
Yes. You must give us
all a good spanking!

684
00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:00,308
WOMEN: A spanking!

685
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,230
And, after the spanking,
the oral sex.

686
00:42:05,314 --> 00:42:06,648
ALL: The oral sex!

687
00:42:06,733 --> 00:42:08,108
(DOOR OPENING)

688
00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:10,485
Well, I could stay
a bit longer.

689
00:42:10,611 --> 00:42:11,653
LANCELOT: Sir Galahad!

690
00:42:11,738 --> 00:42:12,738
Oh. Hello.

691
00:42:12,822 --> 00:42:15,240
Quick! You are in great peril. Why?

692
00:42:15,324 --> 00:42:16,450
No, he isn't!

693
00:42:16,576 --> 00:42:17,659
Silence, foul temptress!

694
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:18,869
She's got a point.

695
00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:20,037
We'll cover your escape!

696
00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:21,455
Look, I'm fine!

697
00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:22,873
Wait, Sir Galahad!

698
00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:24,666
I can tackle this
lot single-handed!

699
00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:26,543
Yes, let him
tackle us single-handed!

700
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:28,253
(WOMEN CLAMORING IN AGREEMENT)

701
00:42:28,337 --> 00:42:29,713
No, Sir Galahad. Come!

702
00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:32,132
Honestly, I can handle
this lot easily!

703
00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:33,508
Yes, let him
handle us easily.

704
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:34,843
Go! Quick!

705
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:38,388
Wait! Please! I can defeat
them! There's only 150 of them!

706
00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:41,516
He'll beat us easily.
We haven't a chance.

707
00:42:41,726 --> 00:42:44,478
(ALL CLAMORING DISAPPOINTEDLY)

708
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:46,897
Oh, shit!

709
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:50,025
You were in great peril.
I don't think I was.

710
00:42:50,151 --> 00:42:51,610
You were in terrible peril.

711
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:53,904
Let me go back,
and face the peril.

712
00:42:53,988 --> 00:42:55,030
No, it's too perilous.

713
00:42:55,114 --> 00:42:57,282
It's my duty to sample
as much peril as I can.

714
00:42:57,366 --> 00:42:59,117
We've got to
find the Holy Grail.

715
00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:00,494
Let me have just
a bit of peril?

716
00:43:00,661 --> 00:43:01,953
No. It's unhealthy.

717
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,038
I bet you're gay.

718
00:43:03,122 --> 00:43:04,206
No, I'm not.

719
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,459
<i>NARRATOR: Sir Lancelot
had saved Sir Galahad</i>

720
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:09,377
<i>from almost
certain temptation.</i>

721
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:12,214
<i>But, they were still
no nearer the Grail.</i>

722
00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:16,176
<i>King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not
more than a swallow's flight away,</i>

723
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,178
<i>had discovered something.</i>

724
00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:21,765
<i>That's an unladen
swallow's flight, obviously.</i>

725
00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:24,309
<i>They were more than two
laden swallow's flights away.</i>

726
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:26,645
<i>Four, with a coconut
on a line between them.</i>

727
00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:28,355
<i>If the birds were...</i>

728
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,357
ALL: Get on with it!

729
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,441
<i>Oh, anyway,</i>

730
00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:35,028
<i>on to Scene 24, which is a smashing
scene, with some lovely acting,</i>

731
00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,280
<i>in which Arthur
discovers a vital clue.</i>

732
00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:39,282
<i>There aren't any swallows,
but I think you can hear a...</i>

733
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:40,367
(THUDDING)

734
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:41,451
(NARRATOR GROANS)

735
00:43:41,536 --> 00:43:42,619
(CACKLING)

736
00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:46,540
And this enchanter of whom you
speak, he has seen the Grail?

737
00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:52,754
Where does he live?

738
00:43:52,964 --> 00:43:54,548
Old man, where does he live?

739
00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,762
He knows of a cave. A cave
which no man has entered.

740
00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:03,557
And the Grail.
The Grail is there?

741
00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:05,308
There is much danger.

742
00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:09,479
For beyond the cave lies
the Gorge of Eternal Peril,

743
00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:12,440
which no man has ever crossed.

744
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:15,318
But the Grail.
Where is the Grail?

745
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:19,114
Seek you the Bridge of Death.

746
00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,410
The Bridge of Death?
Which leads to the Grail?

747
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:24,744
(CACKLING)

748
00:44:27,748 --> 00:44:30,667
(BIRDS CAWING)

749
00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:47,642
(WOOD SNAPS)

750
00:44:55,526 --> 00:44:56,526
(RUSTLING)

751
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:10,081
Who are you?

752
00:45:10,166 --> 00:45:13,710
We are
the knights who say "Ni"!

753
00:45:13,794 --> 00:45:15,003
No! Not the knights
who say "Ni"?

754
00:45:15,129 --> 00:45:16,338
The same!

755
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:17,380
Who are they?

756
00:45:17,465 --> 00:45:20,258
We are the keepers
of the sacred words.

757
00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:24,054
"Ni," "Peng,"
and "Neee Wom"!

758
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:27,390
Those who hear them
seldom live to tell the tale.

759
00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:31,853
The knights who say "Ni"
demand a sacrifice.

760
00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:34,481
Knights of Ni,
we are but simple travelers

761
00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,275
who seek the enchanter
who lives beyond these woods.

762
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:43,073
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
ALL: Ni! Ni!

763
00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,037
We shall say "Ni" again to
you, if you do not appease us.

764
00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:50,789
What is it you want?

765
00:45:50,915 --> 00:45:51,998
We want

766
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,710
a shrubbery.

767
00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,629
A what?

768
00:45:57,713 --> 00:45:59,714
Ni! Ni!
(GROANING)

769
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,841
Please! No more!

770
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:03,134
We will find you a shrubbery.

771
00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:05,679
You must return
with a shrubbery,

772
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:09,140
or else you will never pass
through this wood

773
00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,059
alive.

774
00:46:11,352 --> 00:46:13,770
Knights of Ni,
you are just and fair.

775
00:46:13,854 --> 00:46:15,188
We will return
with a shrubbery.

776
00:46:15,356 --> 00:46:16,731
One that looks nice.

777
00:46:16,816 --> 00:46:18,775
Of course.
And not too expensive.

778
00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:19,818
Yes.

779
00:46:19,902 --> 00:46:22,529
Now go!

780
00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:33,957
(THUDDING)

781
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,376
(ILLUSTRATOR EXCLAIMING)

782
00:46:37,878 --> 00:46:41,965
(MUTTERING)

783
00:46:55,855 --> 00:46:56,980
(CLATTERING)

784
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:02,027
(GRUNTING)

785
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,283
Stop that! Stop that!

786
00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:11,286
Go on, clear off! Go away.

787
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:15,915
And you, clear off!

788
00:47:16,459 --> 00:47:17,459
(SUN MUTTERING)

789
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:22,422
Bloody weather.

790
00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:24,924
(NARRATOR READING)

791
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:30,930
(FROGS CROAKING)

792
00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:34,601
One day, lad,
all this will be yours.

793
00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:35,894
What, the curtains?

794
00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:37,228
No, not the curtains.

795
00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:41,775
All that you can see, stretched
out over the hills and valleys.

796
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:43,693
That'll be your kingdom, lad.

797
00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:45,528
But, Mother.
Father, lad.

798
00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:48,156
But, Father,
I don't want any of that.

799
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:49,366
Listen, lad.

800
00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:51,785
I built this
kingdom up from nothing.

801
00:47:51,952 --> 00:47:54,329
When I started here,
it was a swamp.

802
00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,874
Other kings said I was daft
to build a castle on the swamp.

803
00:47:57,958 --> 00:48:01,086
But I built it all
the same to show them.

804
00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,380
It sank into the swamp.

805
00:48:03,464 --> 00:48:06,299
So, I built a second one.
That sank into the swamp.

806
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:08,218
So, I built a third one.
That burned down,

807
00:48:08,344 --> 00:48:10,220
fell over,
then sank in the swamp.

808
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:12,305
But the fourth one stayed up.

809
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,225
And that's what
you'll get, lad.

810
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:17,644
The strongest
castle in these isles.

811
00:48:17,770 --> 00:48:20,063
But I don't want any of that.

812
00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:22,440
I'd rather...
Rather what?

813
00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,651
I'd rather just

814
00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:27,153
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS)
sing.

815
00:48:27,279 --> 00:48:28,655
(RECORD PLAYER SLOWS
TO A STOP) Stop that.

816
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,491
You're not going into
a song while I'm here!

817
00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,910
In 20 minutes,
you're marrying a girl

818
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:37,997
whose father owns the biggest
tracts of open land in Britain.

819
00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:39,457
But I don't want land.

820
00:48:39,583 --> 00:48:40,917
Listen, Alice.

821
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,585
Herbert.
Herbert.

822
00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:46,089
We live on a bloody swamp, we
need all the land we can get.

823
00:48:46,674 --> 00:48:48,007
But I don't like her.

824
00:48:48,134 --> 00:48:49,509
Don't like her?

825
00:48:50,302 --> 00:48:51,761
What's wrong with her?

826
00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:56,141
She's beautiful, she's rich.
She's got huge

827
00:48:56,851 --> 00:48:58,268
tracts of land.

828
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:04,232
I know, but I want the girl
that I marry to have

829
00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:08,278
a certain special something.

830
00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,362
(MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING)

831
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:11,281
Cut that out!

832
00:49:11,365 --> 00:49:12,365
(RECORD PLAYER STOPS)

833
00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:15,201
You're marrying
Princess Lucky,

834
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:17,537
so you'd better
get used to the idea!

835
00:49:18,873 --> 00:49:19,956
Guards!

836
00:49:20,374 --> 00:49:23,626
Make sure the Prince doesn't
leave the room until I get him.

837
00:49:23,711 --> 00:49:26,713
Not to leave the room,
even if you come and get him.

838
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,840
No. Until I come and get him.

839
00:49:29,175 --> 00:49:32,385
Until you come and get him,
we're not to enter the room.

840
00:49:32,511 --> 00:49:37,348
No, you stay in the room and
make sure he doesn't leave.

841
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,808
And you'll come and get him.

842
00:49:38,934 --> 00:49:40,143
Right.

843
00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:43,897
We don't need to do anything, apart
from stop him entering the room.

844
00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:45,690
No. Leaving the room.

845
00:49:45,816 --> 00:49:47,317
Leaving the room, yes.

846
00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:48,526
All right?

847
00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:49,652
Right. Oh, if...

848
00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:50,862
Uh, if we're...

849
00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:52,113
Yes?

850
00:49:53,782 --> 00:49:55,992
Look, it's quite simple.

851
00:49:56,076 --> 00:50:00,288
You stay here and make sure
he doesn't leave the room.

852
00:50:01,457 --> 00:50:02,499
All right?
(HICCUPS)

853
00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:03,666
Oh, I remember.

854
00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:06,085
Uh, can he leave
the room with us?

855
00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:10,340
No, you just keep him
in here, and make sure...

856
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,717
Oh, yes! We'll keep
him in here, obviously.

857
00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:14,344
But if he had to leave...

858
00:50:14,428 --> 00:50:15,970
No. Keep him in here!

859
00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:17,430
Until you, or anyone...

860
00:50:17,515 --> 00:50:18,806
Not anyone, just me.

861
00:50:18,933 --> 00:50:20,058
Just you...

862
00:50:20,142 --> 00:50:21,267
Get back.

863
00:50:21,602 --> 00:50:22,644
Right?
Right.

864
00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,687
We'll stay here
until you get back.

865
00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:26,105
And make sure
he doesn't leave.

866
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:27,607
What?

867
00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:30,401
Make sure he doesn't leave.

868
00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:31,986
The Prince?

869
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:33,696
Yes, make sure
he doesn't leave.

870
00:50:33,822 --> 00:50:35,406
Yes, of course!

871
00:50:35,491 --> 00:50:37,158
I thought you meant him!

872
00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:40,912
It seemed a bit daft me having
to guard him when he's a guard.

873
00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:42,705
Is that clear?

874
00:50:42,790 --> 00:50:44,123
Quite clear. No problems.

875
00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:45,333
Right.

876
00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:48,795
Where are you going?

877
00:50:48,963 --> 00:50:50,171
We're coming with you.

878
00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:54,425
No, I want you to stay here,
and make sure he doesn't leave.

879
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:56,135
I see, right.

880
00:50:56,971 --> 00:50:58,721
But, Father...

881
00:50:58,847 --> 00:51:00,640
Shut it, and get
that suit on.

882
00:51:02,977 --> 00:51:07,814
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS)

883
00:51:08,357 --> 00:51:09,566
(RECORD PLAYER STOPS)
And no singing!

884
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:10,692
(HICCUPS)

885
00:51:10,776 --> 00:51:12,694
Oh, go and get
a glass of water.

886
00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:02,577
Well taken, Concorde!

887
00:52:02,703 --> 00:52:03,953
Thank you, sir, most kind.

888
00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:05,538
And again!

889
00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,958
Over we go! Good, steady!

890
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:11,252
Now, the big one!

891
00:52:12,087 --> 00:52:13,463
Come on, Concorde!

892
00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:14,547
(ARROW TWANGING)

893
00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:17,383
Message for you, sir.

894
00:52:19,928 --> 00:52:21,804
Concorde, speak to me!

895
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,149
"To whoever finds this note.

896
00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:37,320
"I have been
imprisoned by my father,

897
00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:40,323
"who wishes me to
marry against my will.

898
00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:42,950
"Please, please come
and rescue me.

899
00:52:43,452 --> 00:52:46,913
"I am in the tall tower
of Swamp Castle. "

900
00:52:46,997 --> 00:52:50,291
At last! A call!
A cry of distress!

901
00:52:50,417 --> 00:52:53,586
This could be the sign that
leads us to the Holy Grail!

902
00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:58,257
Brave Concorde, you shall
not have died in vain!

903
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,301
I'm not quite dead, sir.

904
00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:05,014
You shall not have been
mortally wounded in vain!

905
00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:07,433
I think I could
pull through, sir.

906
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:09,602
I see.

907
00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:10,937
I think I'm all right
to come with you.

908
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,772
No, sweet Concorde!
Stay here.

909
00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:16,025
I will send help as soon as I
have accomplished a daring and

910
00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:18,861
heroic rescue in
my own particular...

911
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:21,864
(GROANS)

912
00:53:22,157 --> 00:53:23,950
Idiom, sir?
Idiom!

913
00:53:24,118 --> 00:53:25,243
No, I feel fine,
actually, sir.

914
00:53:25,327 --> 00:53:26,953
Farewell, sweet Concorde!

915
00:53:28,497 --> 00:53:31,666
I'll, uh, just stay here, shall I, sir?

916
00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:34,836
Yeah.

917
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:41,300
(WOMEN GIGGLING SOFTLY)

918
00:53:42,052 --> 00:53:45,179
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

919
00:53:51,019 --> 00:53:55,148
(MINSTREL MUSIC
PLAYING FAINTLY)

920
00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:15,334
Morning.
Morning.

921
00:54:57,044 --> 00:54:58,044
(SHOUTS)

922
00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:01,214
(DISTRACTEDLY) Hey!

923
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:24,570
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

924
00:55:28,867 --> 00:55:32,036
(SHOUTING)

925
00:55:38,210 --> 00:55:39,210
(EXCLAIMS)

926
00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:54,684
You're not allowed
to enter the room...

927
00:55:54,768 --> 00:55:55,768
(SHOUTING)

928
00:55:56,979 --> 00:55:59,981
Fair one, behold your humble
servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

929
00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:01,941
I have come to take...
I'm terribly sorry.

930
00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,985
You got my note!

931
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,195
I got a note.

932
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:08,197
You've come to rescue me?

933
00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:09,949
Well, no, you see...

934
00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:11,409
I knew someone would.

935
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:14,036
I knew that
somewhere out there,

936
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:16,330
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS)
there must be someone...

937
00:56:17,124 --> 00:56:18,165
(RECORD PLAYER STOPS)

938
00:56:18,292 --> 00:56:19,333
Stop that! Stop it!

939
00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:21,878
Who are you?

940
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:23,588
I'm your son.
No, not you.

941
00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:25,214
I'm Sir Lancelot, sir.

942
00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:26,883
He's come to
rescue me, Father.

943
00:56:26,967 --> 00:56:28,384
Let's not jump
to conclusions.

944
00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:29,886
Did you kill
all those guards?

945
00:56:29,970 --> 00:56:30,970
Uh...

946
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,097
Yes. Sorry.

947
00:56:33,181 --> 00:56:34,348
They cost 50 pounds each.

948
00:56:34,474 --> 00:56:35,641
I'm awfully sorry.

949
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,812
Don't be afraid of him, Sir
Lancelot. I've got a rope ready.

950
00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:42,940
You killed eight
wedding guests and all!

951
00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:45,443
Well, you see, I thought
your son was a lady.

952
00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:46,861
I can understand that.

953
00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:48,070
Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!

954
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,280
Shut up!

955
00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:50,990
You only killed
the bride's father!

956
00:56:51,158 --> 00:56:52,783
I didn't mean to.

957
00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:55,620
Didn't mean to? You put
your sword through his head!

958
00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:57,163
Oh, dear, is he all right?

959
00:56:57,289 --> 00:56:58,706
You kicked
the bride in the chest!

960
00:56:58,790 --> 00:56:59,999
It's going to
cost me a fortune!

961
00:57:00,125 --> 00:57:01,292
I can explain.

962
00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:03,210
I was in the forest,
riding north from Camelot,

963
00:57:03,337 --> 00:57:05,171
when I got this note.

964
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:06,505
Are you from Camelot?

965
00:57:06,632 --> 00:57:07,882
Hurry, Sir Lancelot!

966
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:10,092
I'm a knight of
King Arthur, sir.

967
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:13,179
Very nice castle, Camelot.
Very good pig country.

968
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,348
Is it?

969
00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:16,974
I am ready!

970
00:57:17,059 --> 00:57:18,851
Would you like to
come have a drink?

971
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:20,811
That's awfully nice of you.

972
00:57:21,146 --> 00:57:22,647
I am ready!

973
00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:24,315
I mean,
to be so understanding.

974
00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:26,275
You see,
when I'm in this idiom,

975
00:57:26,401 --> 00:57:28,319
I sometimes get
a bit carried away.

976
00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:31,238
(PRINCE GRUNTS)

977
00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:34,909
(ALL SOBBING)

978
00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:38,454
Now, this is the main hall. We'll
have all this knocked through...

979
00:57:38,538 --> 00:57:40,206
There he is!

980
00:57:40,374 --> 00:57:42,041
Bloody hell.

981
00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:48,339
(ALL SCREAMING)

982
00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:53,427
Hold it, please!

983
00:57:53,553 --> 00:57:55,388
See what I mean?
I get carried away.

984
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:58,391
I'm really most awfully
sorry. Sorry, everyone.

985
00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,892
He's killed the best man!

986
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:05,940
Hold it, please, hold it.
This is Sir Lancelot

987
00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:11,028
from the Court of Camelot, a
brave and influential knight.

988
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:13,155
And my special
guest here today.

989
00:58:13,281 --> 00:58:14,657
Hello.

990
00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:16,367
MAN: He killed my auntie!

991
00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:21,747
No, please! This is supposed
to be a happy occasion!

992
00:58:21,873 --> 00:58:25,793
Let's not bicker and argue
about who killed who.

993
00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:31,090
We are here today to witness
the union of two young people

994
00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,551
in the joyful bond
of holy wedlock.

995
00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:35,177
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

996
00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:39,056
Unfortunately, one of them,
my son Herbert,

997
00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,767
has just fallen to his death.

998
00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:46,105
But I don't want to think
I've lost a son, so much as

999
00:58:46,606 --> 00:58:48,274
gained a daughter.

1000
00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:52,236
For, since the tragic
death of her father...

1001
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,447
He's not quite dead!

1002
00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:58,826
Since the near fatal
wounding of her father...

1003
00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,703
He's getting better!

1004
00:59:02,622 --> 00:59:05,958
For, since her own father

1005
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:09,420
who, when he
seemed about to recover,

1006
00:59:09,838 --> 00:59:13,049
suddenly felt the icy
hand of death upon him.

1007
00:59:13,133 --> 00:59:14,133
(MAN GROANING)

1008
00:59:14,259 --> 00:59:15,426
He's died!

1009
00:59:15,927 --> 00:59:19,555
I want his only daughter
to look upon me

1010
00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:24,143
as her own dad, in a very
real, and legally binding sense.

1011
00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:30,649
And I feel sure that the merger,
the union between the Princess

1012
00:59:31,359 --> 00:59:35,112
and the brave but dangerous
Sir Lancelot of Camelot...

1013
00:59:35,530 --> 00:59:36,989
What?

1014
00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:38,532
Look, the dead Prince!

1015
00:59:38,617 --> 00:59:41,368
(ALL GASPING)

1016
00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:43,120
GUARD: He's not quite dead!

1017
00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:44,872
HERBERT: I feel much better.

1018
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:47,833
You fell out of
the tall tower, you creep!

1019
00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:50,753
No, I was saved
at the last minute.

1020
00:59:50,837 --> 00:59:52,088
How?

1021
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,839
I'll tell you.

1022
00:59:54,049 --> 00:59:55,174
(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)

1023
00:59:55,258 --> 00:59:57,718
Not like that! Not like that.

1024
00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:01,514
<i>ALL: ♪ He's going to
tell He's going to tell ♪</i>

1025
01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:07,812
Quickly, sir, come this way!

1026
01:00:07,896 --> 01:00:11,816
No, it's not right for my
idiom. I must escape more...

1027
01:00:13,693 --> 01:00:15,194
Dramatically, sir?

1028
01:00:15,362 --> 01:00:16,862
Dramatically.

1029
01:00:16,988 --> 01:00:18,030
Whee!

1030
01:00:27,874 --> 01:00:28,874
(ALL CHEERING)

1031
01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:31,836
Excuse me, could somebody
give me a push, please?

1032
01:00:34,422 --> 01:00:35,422
(CAT SCREECHES)

1033
01:00:36,925 --> 01:00:37,925
(CAT SCREECHES)

1034
01:00:39,094 --> 01:00:40,094
(CAT SCREECHES)

1035
01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:42,513
(CAT SCREECHES)

1036
01:00:44,683 --> 01:00:45,683
(CAT SCREECHES)

1037
01:00:47,602 --> 01:00:49,270
Old crone!

1038
01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:54,400
Is there anywhere in this town
where we could buy a shrubbery?

1039
01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:56,277
Who sent you?

1040
01:00:56,361 --> 01:00:58,821
The knights who say "Ni"!

1041
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,699
No! We have
no shrubberies here.

1042
01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:05,911
If you do not tell us where we can
buy a shrubbery, my friend and I

1043
01:01:06,288 --> 01:01:07,580
will say...

1044
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:11,584
We will say "Ni. "

1045
01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:13,502
(GROANS) Do your worst!

1046
01:01:13,587 --> 01:01:17,756
Very well. If you will not
assist us voluntarily...

1047
01:01:21,428 --> 01:01:22,595
Ni!
No!

1048
01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:25,639
Never. No shrubberies.

1049
01:01:25,974 --> 01:01:27,725
Ni!
Noo!

1050
01:01:27,976 --> 01:01:30,269
No, it's not that, it's "Ni. "

1051
01:01:31,104 --> 01:01:33,480
No, you're not
doing it properly.

1052
01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:35,107
Ni.
You've got it.

1053
01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:38,194
BOTH: Ni!

1054
01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:41,405
Are you saying "Ni"
to that old woman?

1055
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,531
Um...

1056
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,699
Yes.

1057
01:01:43,783 --> 01:01:46,160
What sad times are
these when passing

1058
01:01:46,286 --> 01:01:48,704
ruffians can say "Ni"
at will to old ladies.

1059
01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:52,458
There is a pestilence upon
this land. Nothing is sacred.

1060
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,877
Even those who
arrange shrubberies

1061
01:01:54,961 --> 01:01:56,587
are under considerable
economic stress

1062
01:01:56,671 --> 01:01:58,672
at this period in history.

1063
01:01:58,798 --> 01:02:00,049
Did you say "shrubberies"?

1064
01:02:00,175 --> 01:02:01,467
Yes.

1065
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:04,595
Shrubberies are my trade.
I am a shrubber.

1066
01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:09,308
My name is Roger the Shrubber. I
arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

1067
01:02:10,101 --> 01:02:11,143
Ni!

1068
01:02:11,269 --> 01:02:12,311
No!

1069
01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:16,232
Knights of Ni, we have
brought you your shrubbery.

1070
01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:17,441
May we go?

1071
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:18,651
It is a good shrubbery.

1072
01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:20,986
I like
the laurels particularly.

1073
01:02:21,112 --> 01:02:23,197
But there is
one small problem.

1074
01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:24,907
What is that?

1075
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:28,953
We are now no longer
the knights who say "Ni. "

1076
01:02:29,162 --> 01:02:30,204
Shh! Shh!

1077
01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,248
We are now
the knights who say,

1078
01:02:32,332 --> 01:02:35,834
"Ekke Ekke Ekke
Ptang Zoo Boing"!

1079
01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,879
Therefore,
we must give you a test.

1080
01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:42,549
What is this test, knights
who until recently said "Ni"?

1081
01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:45,469
Firstly, you must find

1082
01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,888
another shrubbery!

1083
01:02:49,057 --> 01:02:51,517
Not another shrubbery!

1084
01:02:51,643 --> 01:02:55,354
Then you must bring it here
beside this shrubbery.

1085
01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:57,273
Higher, so you get
the two-level effect

1086
01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:59,108
with a path going
down the middle.

1087
01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,235
OTHERS: A path! A path!

1088
01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:04,488
Then, when you have found
the shrubberies,

1089
01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:08,158
you must cut down the
mightiest tree in the forest

1090
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:12,037
with a herring!

1091
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:14,957
We shall do no such thing.

1092
01:03:15,041 --> 01:03:16,292
Oh, please.

1093
01:03:16,376 --> 01:03:19,503
Cut down a tree with a
herring? It can't be done.

1094
01:03:19,587 --> 01:03:20,796
(SCREAMING)

1095
01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:23,132
Don't say that word.
What word?

1096
01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:25,217
I cannot tell.
Suffice to say,

1097
01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:28,012
it's one of the words
the knights of Ni cannot hear.

1098
01:03:28,096 --> 01:03:31,015
How can we not say the word if
you don't tell us what it is?

1099
01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:32,099
He did it again.

1100
01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:33,225
What? "Is"?

1101
01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:37,855
No, not "is"! You wouldn't get
very far in life not saying "is. "

1102
01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:39,440
My liege, it's Robin.

1103
01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:41,692
<i>♪ He's jacking it
in and packing it up</i>

1104
01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:43,944
<i>♪ And sneaking
away and buggering off</i>

1105
01:03:44,070 --> 01:03:46,280
<i>♪ And chickening out
and pissing a pot</i>

1106
01:03:46,406 --> 01:03:48,657
<i>♪ Yes, bravely he is
throwing in the sponge ♪</i>

1107
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:49,992
Robin.
My liege.

1108
01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:51,660
It's good to see you.
Now he's said the word!

1109
01:03:51,745 --> 01:03:54,330
You haven't given up your
quest for the Holy Grail?

1110
01:03:54,414 --> 01:03:55,581
<i>♪ He is sneaking away
and... ♪</i>

1111
01:03:55,749 --> 01:03:56,915
Shut up!

1112
01:03:57,417 --> 01:03:58,584
No, far from it.

1113
01:03:58,710 --> 01:03:59,918
You said the word again.

1114
01:04:00,003 --> 01:04:01,837
I was looking for it

1115
01:04:01,921 --> 01:04:04,590
(GROANS)
here in this forest.

1116
01:04:04,758 --> 01:04:06,884
No, it is far from this place.

1117
01:04:07,010 --> 01:04:09,094
Stop saying the word!

1118
01:04:09,220 --> 01:04:10,387
The word we cannot hear!

1119
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:11,680
Stop it!

1120
01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:12,848
He said "it" again!

1121
01:04:12,932 --> 01:04:13,932
That's it!

1122
01:04:14,017 --> 01:04:16,977
I've said "it. " I've said
"it. " I've said "it" again!

1123
01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,271
That's three "its"!

1124
01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:27,613
<i>NARRATOR: And so
Arthur and Bedevere and</i>

1125
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:29,948
<i>Sir Robin set out on
their search to find</i>

1126
01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:33,952
<i>the enchanter of whom the old
man had spoken in Scene 24.</i>

1127
01:04:35,455 --> 01:04:38,290
<i>Beyond the forest they met
Lancelot and Galahad,</i>

1128
01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:40,793
<i>and there was much rejoicing.</i>

1129
01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:41,877
(CHEERING)

1130
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:54,556
<i>In the frozen land of Nador,</i>

1131
01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:57,434
<i>they were forced to
eat Robin's minstrels.</i>

1132
01:04:58,103 --> 01:04:59,686
<i>And there was much rejoicing.</i>

1133
01:04:59,771 --> 01:05:00,771
(KNIGHTS CHEERING)

1134
01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:03,649
<i>A year passed.</i>

1135
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:07,444
(SHIVERING)

1136
01:05:07,529 --> 01:05:09,405
<i>Winter changed into spring.</i>

1137
01:05:09,489 --> 01:05:10,489
(MURMURS APPRECIATIVELY)

1138
01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:12,699
<i>Spring changed into summer.</i>

1139
01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:15,577
<i>Summer changed
back into winter,</i>

1140
01:05:15,662 --> 01:05:17,746
<i>and winter gave
spring and summer a miss</i>

1141
01:05:17,831 --> 01:05:20,040
<i>and went straight on
into autumn.</i>

1142
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,542
(GRUNTING)

1143
01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:22,835
<i>Until one day.</i>

1144
01:05:41,521 --> 01:05:44,731
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1145
01:05:44,983 --> 01:05:46,316
Knights,

1146
01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:48,819
forward!

1147
01:05:53,366 --> 01:05:54,366
(EXPLOSION)

1148
01:05:59,414 --> 01:06:00,414
(ARTILLERY SHELL WHISTLING)

1149
01:06:04,419 --> 01:06:05,419
(ARTILLERY SHELL WHISTLING)

1150
01:06:07,422 --> 01:06:09,840
(SHELLS WHISTLING)

1151
01:06:25,857 --> 01:06:28,442
What manner of man are you
that can summon up fire

1152
01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:30,652
without flint or tinder?

1153
01:06:30,778 --> 01:06:32,946
I am an enchanter.

1154
01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:37,826
By what name are you known?

1155
01:06:37,952 --> 01:06:39,828
There are some who call me...

1156
01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:43,165
Tim.

1157
01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:44,583
Greetings, Tim the enchanter!

1158
01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:47,085
Greetings, King Arthur.

1159
01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:49,588
You know my name?
I do.

1160
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,968
(FLAME THROWER ROARING)

1161
01:06:57,597 --> 01:07:00,349
You seek the Holy Grail.

1162
01:07:00,934 --> 01:07:04,019
That is our quest. You know
much that is hidden, Tim.

1163
01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:05,354
Quite.

1164
01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:16,031
Yes, we are looking
for the Holy Grail.

1165
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:18,158
Our quest is to
find the Holy Grail.

1166
01:07:18,284 --> 01:07:20,202
Yes, it is.

1167
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,995
(ALL AGREEING)

1168
01:07:23,414 --> 01:07:24,957
And so we're looking for it.

1169
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:26,625
Yes, we are.

1170
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:28,085
We have been for some time.

1171
01:07:28,211 --> 01:07:29,586
Ages.

1172
01:07:32,215 --> 01:07:36,635
So, anything you could
do to, uh, help would be

1173
01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:40,222
very

1174
01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:42,808
helpful.

1175
01:07:42,976 --> 01:07:44,309
Look, can you
tell us where...

1176
01:07:48,147 --> 01:07:51,149
Fine, I don't want to waste
any more of your time,

1177
01:07:51,276 --> 01:07:55,153
but I don't suppose you could tell
us where we might find a, um...

1178
01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:58,198
(STAMMERS)

1179
01:07:58,283 --> 01:07:59,908
A what?

1180
01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:03,662
(SHOUTING) A grail?

1181
01:08:03,746 --> 01:08:05,914
Yes, I think so.

1182
01:08:06,457 --> 01:08:07,499
Yes.

1183
01:08:07,667 --> 01:08:08,709
(ALL AGREEING)

1184
01:08:08,793 --> 01:08:09,918
Yes!

1185
01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:12,045
Oh!

1186
01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,463
Thank you.

1187
01:08:13,590 --> 01:08:14,965
Splendid!

1188
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:21,263
Look, you're a busy man...

1189
01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:26,018
Yes, I can help you
find the Holy Grail.

1190
01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:31,273
To the north, there lies a
cave. The Cave of Caerbannog.

1191
01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:35,694
Wherein, carved in mystic
runes, upon the very living rock,

1192
01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:39,489
the last words of
Olfin Bedwere of Rheged

1193
01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:46,538
make plain the last resting
place of the most Holy Grail.

1194
01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:48,915
Where could we
find this cave, Tim?

1195
01:08:49,042 --> 01:08:50,542
Follow!

1196
01:08:52,045 --> 01:08:56,131
But follow only if
ye be men of valor.

1197
01:08:56,549 --> 01:09:00,010
For the entrance to this cave
is guarded by a creature

1198
01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:03,722
so foul, so cruel,

1199
01:09:03,848 --> 01:09:07,059
that no man yet has
fought with it and lived.

1200
01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:13,649
Bones of full 50 men lie
strewn about its lair.

1201
01:09:14,192 --> 01:09:18,570
So, brave knights,
if you do doubt your courage

1202
01:09:19,072 --> 01:09:21,907
or your strength,
come no further,

1203
01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:27,204
for death awaits you all
with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

1204
01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:31,541
What an eccentric
performance!

1205
01:09:33,503 --> 01:09:37,172
(WIND HOWLING)

1206
01:09:43,304 --> 01:09:44,596
(MEN NEIGHING)

1207
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:46,515
They're nervous, sire.

1208
01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:49,184
Then we'd best leave them
here and carry on, on foot.

1209
01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:50,769
Dismount!

1210
01:10:03,908 --> 01:10:07,911
Behold the Cave
of Caerbannog!

1211
01:10:10,331 --> 01:10:11,790
Right, keep me covered.

1212
01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:13,458
What with?

1213
01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:15,293
Just keep me covered.

1214
01:10:15,461 --> 01:10:16,586
Too late.

1215
01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:19,089
TIM: There he is!

1216
01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:23,176
Where?

1217
01:10:23,302 --> 01:10:24,344
There.

1218
01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:26,805
What, behind the rabbit?

1219
01:10:26,973 --> 01:10:28,432
It is the rabbit.

1220
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:31,727
You silly sod!

1221
01:10:31,853 --> 01:10:33,019
What?

1222
01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:34,563
You got us all worked up.

1223
01:10:34,647 --> 01:10:36,356
That's no ordinary rabbit.

1224
01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:38,817
That's the most foul,
cruel and

1225
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,403
bad-tempered rodent
you ever set eyes on.

1226
01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:45,198
You tit! I soiled my
armor I was so scared!

1227
01:10:45,324 --> 01:10:48,827
Look, that rabbit's got
a vicious streak a mile wide.

1228
01:10:48,911 --> 01:10:49,911
It's a killer!

1229
01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:50,996
Get stuffed.

1230
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,122
He'll do you up
a treat, mate!

1231
01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:53,331
Yeah?

1232
01:10:53,416 --> 01:10:54,666
You manky Scots git!

1233
01:10:54,751 --> 01:10:55,959
I'm warning you.

1234
01:10:56,043 --> 01:10:57,836
What's he do?
Nibble your bum?

1235
01:10:57,962 --> 01:10:59,713
He's got huge, sharp...

1236
01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,507
It can leap about...

1237
01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:04,593
Look at the bones!

1238
01:11:04,719 --> 01:11:06,386
Go on, Bors,
chop its head off.

1239
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:10,223
Right. Silly little bleeder.
One rabbit stew coming right up.

1240
01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:13,810
Look!

1241
01:11:13,895 --> 01:11:14,895
(SQUEAKING)

1242
01:11:16,939 --> 01:11:18,440
Jesus Christ!

1243
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:20,108
I warned you!

1244
01:11:20,193 --> 01:11:21,193
I've done it again.

1245
01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:22,277
I warned you.

1246
01:11:22,361 --> 01:11:25,697
But did you listen to me? No,
you knew it all, didn't you?

1247
01:11:25,865 --> 01:11:30,410
It's just a harmless little bunny,
isn't it? Well, it's always the same.

1248
01:11:30,495 --> 01:11:31,703
I always...

1249
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:33,121
Shut up!

1250
01:11:34,582 --> 01:11:36,416
Charge!

1251
01:11:43,716 --> 01:11:45,217
(KNIGHTS SHOUTING)

1252
01:11:46,052 --> 01:11:50,180
(KNIGHTS SCREAMING)

1253
01:11:53,100 --> 01:11:55,560
ALL: Run away!

1254
01:11:58,898 --> 01:12:02,359
(LAUGHING)

1255
01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:05,946
How many did we lose?

1256
01:12:06,030 --> 01:12:06,988
Gawain.

1257
01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:08,073
Ector.

1258
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,157
And Bors. That's five.

1259
01:12:09,242 --> 01:12:11,201
Three.
Three.

1260
01:12:11,536 --> 01:12:15,205
We better not risk another frontal
assault, that rabbit's dynamite.

1261
01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,916
Would it help to confuse it
if we run away more?

1262
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:19,584
Shut up and change your armor.

1263
01:12:19,752 --> 01:12:21,378
Let us taunt it.

1264
01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:24,256
It may become so cross
that it will make a mistake.

1265
01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:25,465
Like what?

1266
01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:27,801
Well...

1267
01:12:30,972 --> 01:12:32,931
Have we got bows?
No.

1268
01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:34,140
We have
the Holy Hand Grenade.

1269
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,392
Yes, of course!

1270
01:12:35,476 --> 01:12:37,227
The Holy Hand
Grenade of Antioch.

1271
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:40,146
It's one of the sacred relics
Brother Maynard carries.

1272
01:12:40,231 --> 01:12:43,316
Brother Maynard! Bring
up the Holy Hand Grenade.

1273
01:12:44,777 --> 01:12:47,779
<i>BROTHER MAYNARD:
♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

1274
01:12:47,864 --> 01:12:51,741
<i>MONKS:
♪ Dona eis requiem</i>

1275
01:12:51,826 --> 01:12:55,245
<i>♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

1276
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:59,082
<i>♪ Dona eis requiem</i>

1277
01:12:59,208 --> 01:13:02,878
<i>♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

1278
01:13:02,962 --> 01:13:06,423
<i>♪ Dona eis requiem</i>

1279
01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:10,093
<i>♪ Pie Jesu Domine</i>

1280
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:14,055
<i>♪ Dona eis requiem ♪</i>

1281
01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:16,099
How does it, uh...

1282
01:13:16,809 --> 01:13:17,976
How does it work?

1283
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:19,394
I know not, my liege.

1284
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:20,896
Consult the Book of Armaments.

1285
01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:24,774
Armaments 2: 9-21.

1286
01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:32,032
"And St. Attila raised the
hand grenade up on high, saying,

1287
01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:36,870
"'O Lord, bless this thy hand
grenade, that with it thou mayest

1288
01:13:36,954 --> 01:13:40,624
"'blow thine enemies
to tiny bits, in thy mercy. '

1289
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:44,377
"And the Lord did grin
and the people did feast upon

1290
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:49,424
"the lambs and sloths and carp
and anchovies and orangutans

1291
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:52,385
"and breakfast cereals
and fruit bats and... "

1292
01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:53,970
Skip a bit, Brother.

1293
01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:57,891
"The Lord spake, saying,

1294
01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:00,518
"'First shalt thou
take out the Holy Pin,

1295
01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:05,774
"'then shalt thou count
to three, no more, no less.

1296
01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,361
"'Three shalt be the number
thou shalt count,

1297
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:12,447
"'and the number of the
counting shalt be three.

1298
01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:16,660
"'Four shalt thou not count,
neither count thou two,

1299
01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,871
"'excepting that thou
then proceed to three.

1300
01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:23,541
"'Five is right out.

1301
01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:28,213
"'Once the number three, being
the third number be reached,

1302
01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:31,883
"'then lobbest thou thy
Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

1303
01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:35,720
"'towards thy foe, who,
being naughty in my sight,

1304
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:38,056
"'shall snuff it. "'

1305
01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:39,891
Amen.

1306
01:14:40,059 --> 01:14:41,142
ALL: Amen.

1307
01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:42,310
Right.

1308
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:45,230
One, two, five!

1309
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,190
Three, sir!
Three!

1310
01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:15,719
(ALL PANTING NERVOUSLY)

1311
01:15:33,154 --> 01:15:34,654
There! Look!

1312
01:15:35,573 --> 01:15:36,656
What does it say?

1313
01:15:36,782 --> 01:15:37,949
What language is that?

1314
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:40,285
Brother Maynard,
you're our scholar.

1315
01:15:40,453 --> 01:15:41,995
It is Aramaic!

1316
01:15:42,329 --> 01:15:45,206
Of course.
Joseph of Arimathea!

1317
01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:46,541
Of course.

1318
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:47,667
What does it say?

1319
01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:51,087
It reads, "Here may be found

1320
01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:54,799
"the last words of
Joseph of Arimathea.

1321
01:15:55,509 --> 01:15:58,762
"'He who is valiant
and pure of spirit

1322
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:01,765
"'may find the Holy Grail

1323
01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:06,394
"'in the Castle of Aaargh. "'

1324
01:16:08,314 --> 01:16:09,481
What?

1325
01:16:10,232 --> 01:16:14,069
"The Castle of Aaargh. "

1326
01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:15,987
What is that?

1327
01:16:16,530 --> 01:16:18,740
He must have died
while carving it.

1328
01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:20,158
Come on!

1329
01:16:20,284 --> 01:16:21,659
That's what it says.

1330
01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:25,371
Look, if he was dying, he
wouldn't bother to carve "Aaargh. "

1331
01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:27,207
He'd just say it.

1332
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:29,000
That's what's
carved in the rock.

1333
01:16:29,251 --> 01:16:30,251
Perhaps he was dictating it.

1334
01:16:30,336 --> 01:16:31,377
Shut up!

1335
01:16:31,462 --> 01:16:32,504
Does it say anything else?

1336
01:16:32,671 --> 01:16:33,755
No!

1337
01:16:33,839 --> 01:16:37,092
Just "Aaargh. "

1338
01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,471
Aaargh.

1339
01:16:41,555 --> 01:16:45,308
Do you suppose he
meant the Camargue?

1340
01:16:45,392 --> 01:16:47,393
Where's that?
In France, I think.

1341
01:16:47,478 --> 01:16:50,939
Isn't there a St.
Aaargh's in Cornwall?

1342
01:16:51,023 --> 01:16:52,482
No, that's St. Ives.

1343
01:16:52,566 --> 01:16:54,734
LANCELOT: St. Ives.

1344
01:16:54,944 --> 01:16:56,402
(EXCLAIMING)

1345
01:16:56,904 --> 01:16:59,447
No, "Aaargh. "
At the back of the throat.

1346
01:16:59,532 --> 01:17:02,659
No, "Ooh,"
in surprise and alarm!

1347
01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:04,285
Oh, you mean
a sort of an "Ah!"

1348
01:17:04,370 --> 01:17:05,662
Yes, that's right.

1349
01:17:05,996 --> 01:17:06,996
Ahhh!

1350
01:17:07,373 --> 01:17:08,373
My God!

1351
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:10,208
(ROARING)

1352
01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,878
It's the legendary
Black Beast of...

1353
01:17:14,213 --> 01:17:16,005
Aaargh!

1354
01:17:16,173 --> 01:17:19,134
ARTHUR: That's it! Run away!

1355
01:17:24,056 --> 01:17:25,306
(ALL SHOUTING)

1356
01:17:28,894 --> 01:17:30,395
Keep running.

1357
01:17:35,109 --> 01:17:36,109
(WHISPERING) We've lost him.

1358
01:17:36,193 --> 01:17:37,193
(BEAST ROARS)

1359
01:17:37,278 --> 01:17:38,319
(KNIGHTS SCREAMING)

1360
01:17:38,404 --> 01:17:41,114
<i>NARRATOR: As the horrendous
Black Beast lunged forward,</i>

1361
01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:44,534
<i>escape for Arthur and his
knights seemed hopeless.</i>

1362
01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:48,621
<i>When, suddenly, the animator
suffered a fatal heart attack.</i>

1363
01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:51,541
<i>The cartoon peril was no more.</i>

1364
01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:55,211
<i>The quest for the Holy Grail
could continue.</i>

1365
01:18:07,349 --> 01:18:08,975
There it is!

1366
01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:11,269
The Bridge of Death.

1367
01:18:11,395 --> 01:18:13,438
ROBIN: (UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Great.

1368
01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:16,566
ARTHUR: Look! There's
the old man from Scene 24.

1369
01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:18,443
BEDEVERE:
What's he doing here?

1370
01:18:18,611 --> 01:18:20,403
He is the keeper of
the Bridge of Death.

1371
01:18:20,905 --> 01:18:23,239
He asks each traveler
five questions.

1372
01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:25,283
Three questions.
Three questions.

1373
01:18:25,367 --> 01:18:27,827
He who answers
the five questions...

1374
01:18:27,912 --> 01:18:28,953
Three questions.

1375
01:18:29,038 --> 01:18:31,206
...three questions,
may cross in safety.

1376
01:18:31,332 --> 01:18:33,499
What if you get
a question wrong?

1377
01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:37,086
Then you are cast into
the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

1378
01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,838
Oh, wacko.

1379
01:18:38,964 --> 01:18:40,506
Who's going to
answer the questions?

1380
01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:43,468
Brave Sir Robin, you go.

1381
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,221
I've got a great idea.

1382
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:48,389
Why doesn't Lancelot go?

1383
01:18:48,474 --> 01:18:51,226
Yes, let me go, my liege. I
will take him single-handed.

1384
01:18:51,310 --> 01:18:53,061
I shall make a feint
to the northeast...

1385
01:18:53,187 --> 01:18:54,979
Hang on!

1386
01:18:55,189 --> 01:18:56,439
Just answer
the five questions...

1387
01:18:56,565 --> 01:18:57,815
Three questions.

1388
01:18:57,900 --> 01:19:01,903
...three questions, as best you
can. And we shall watch and pray.

1389
01:19:02,112 --> 01:19:03,947
I understand, my liege.

1390
01:19:04,198 --> 01:19:07,825
Good luck, brave Sir
Lancelot. God be with you.

1391
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:13,331
Stop!

1392
01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:17,210
Who would cross
the Bridge of Death,

1393
01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:19,545
must answer me
these questions three.

1394
01:19:19,713 --> 01:19:21,923
Ere the other side he see.

1395
01:19:22,132 --> 01:19:25,134
Ask me the questions,
bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

1396
01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:27,262
What is your name?

1397
01:19:27,388 --> 01:19:29,305
My name is
Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

1398
01:19:30,057 --> 01:19:31,808
What is your quest?

1399
01:19:32,059 --> 01:19:34,102
To seek the Holy Grail.

1400
01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:36,729
What is your favorite color?

1401
01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:38,231
Blue.

1402
01:19:38,357 --> 01:19:39,440
Right. Off you go.

1403
01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:42,819
Well, thank you very much.

1404
01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:48,491
That's easy.

1405
01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:52,578
Stop.

1406
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,581
Who approacheth
the Bridge of Death,

1407
01:19:55,708 --> 01:19:58,001
must answer me
these questions three.

1408
01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:00,586
Ere the other side he see.

1409
01:20:01,422 --> 01:20:04,173
Ask me the questions,
bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

1410
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:06,009
What is your name?

1411
01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,885
Sir Robin of Camelot.

1412
01:20:08,345 --> 01:20:09,846
What is your quest?

1413
01:20:09,972 --> 01:20:11,472
To seek the Holy Grail.

1414
01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:13,933
What is
the capital of Assyria?

1415
01:20:16,770 --> 01:20:18,062
I don't know that!

1416
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:21,357
(SCREAMING)

1417
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,905
Stop!

1418
01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:30,533
What is your name?

1419
01:20:30,659 --> 01:20:32,368
Sir Galahad of Camelot.

1420
01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:34,746
What is your quest?

1421
01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:36,080
I seek the Grail.

1422
01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:39,500
What is your favorite color?

1423
01:20:39,585 --> 01:20:40,752
Blue.

1424
01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:41,878
No! Yellow!

1425
01:20:42,087 --> 01:20:45,256
(SCREAMING)

1426
01:20:48,093 --> 01:20:49,093
(CACKLING)

1427
01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:50,386
Stop!

1428
01:20:50,596 --> 01:20:52,597
What is your name?

1429
01:20:52,723 --> 01:20:54,682
It is Arthur,
King of the Britons.

1430
01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:56,851
What is your quest?

1431
01:20:56,977 --> 01:20:58,770
To seek the Holy Grail.

1432
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:02,940
What is the air-speed
velocity of an unladen swallow?

1433
01:21:03,734 --> 01:21:06,611
What do you mean? An
African or European swallow?

1434
01:21:07,613 --> 01:21:09,113
I don't know that!

1435
01:21:09,365 --> 01:21:13,242
(SCREAMING)

1436
01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:17,789
How do you know so
much about swallows?

1437
01:21:17,915 --> 01:21:20,583
You have to know these things
when you're a king.

1438
01:21:36,475 --> 01:21:39,477
(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

1439
01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:01,499
Lancelot!

1440
01:22:07,965 --> 01:22:09,006
Lancelot!

1441
01:22:13,303 --> 01:22:16,514
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

1442
01:22:17,850 --> 01:22:19,183
ARTHUR: Lancelot!

1443
01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:13,130
The Castle Aaargh.
Our quest is at an end.

1444
01:24:31,817 --> 01:24:33,401
God be praised.

1445
01:24:36,989 --> 01:24:38,406
Almighty God,

1446
01:24:38,490 --> 01:24:42,410
we thank thee, that thou hast
vouchsafed to us the most holy...

1447
01:24:42,536 --> 01:24:43,536
(CATAPULT FIRING)

1448
01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:46,622
(SHEEP BLEATING)
Jesus Christ!

1449
01:24:47,833 --> 01:24:50,084
Hello, stuffy English knights

1450
01:24:50,168 --> 01:24:53,087
and MonsieurArthur King, who has
the brain of a duck, you know.

1451
01:24:53,171 --> 01:24:56,215
So, we French fellows
outwit you a second time.

1452
01:24:56,300 --> 01:24:59,302
How dare you profane this
place with your presence?

1453
01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:03,764
I command you, in the name
of the knights of Camelot,

1454
01:25:04,016 --> 01:25:06,976
to open the doors of
this sacred castle,

1455
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,646
to which God himself
has guided us.

1456
01:25:10,856 --> 01:25:13,274
How you English say?
One more time,

1457
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:15,860
I unclog my nose
in your direction,

1458
01:25:16,153 --> 01:25:17,612
sons of a window-dresser!

1459
01:25:17,696 --> 01:25:20,281
So, you think you could
out-clever us French folk

1460
01:25:20,365 --> 01:25:23,951
with your silly knees-bent,
running about, advancing behavior.

1461
01:25:24,036 --> 01:25:26,829
I wave my private parts
at your aunties.

1462
01:25:27,122 --> 01:25:29,540
You cheesy lot
of second-hand,

1463
01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:31,709
electric
donkey-bottom biters!

1464
01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,878
In the name of the Lord,

1465
01:25:34,004 --> 01:25:37,715
we demand entrance
to this sacred castle!

1466
01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:40,635
No chance,
English bed-wetting types.

1467
01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:42,803
I burst my pimples
at you, and call your

1468
01:25:42,888 --> 01:25:44,972
door-opening request
a silly thing!

1469
01:25:45,057 --> 01:25:48,476
You tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms.

1470
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:52,229
If you'll not open this door, we
shall take this castle by force!

1471
01:25:54,066 --> 01:25:56,567
In the name of God
and the glory of our...

1472
01:25:58,236 --> 01:26:00,738
Right! That settles it!

1473
01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:04,659
Depart at this time, and
don't be approaching any more,

1474
01:26:04,743 --> 01:26:07,078
or we fire arrows
into your heads,

1475
01:26:07,204 --> 01:26:09,497
and make castanets
out of your testicles.

1476
01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,165
Walk away, just ignore them.

1477
01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:15,211
And now remain gone,
illegitimate-faced bugger-folk!

1478
01:26:15,337 --> 01:26:17,588
And, if you think
you got a nasty

1479
01:26:17,756 --> 01:26:20,007
taunting this time,
you ain't heard

1480
01:26:20,092 --> 01:26:23,594
nothing yet,
stuffy English knights!

1481
01:26:24,596 --> 01:26:25,971
(JEERING)

1482
01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:46,951
We shall attack at once.

1483
01:26:47,077 --> 01:26:48,577
Yes, my liege.

1484
01:26:48,745 --> 01:26:50,621
Stand by for attack!

1485
01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:51,682
French persons!

1486
01:27:51,850 --> 01:27:53,058
(JEERING)

1487
01:27:53,143 --> 01:27:56,562
Today the blood of many a
valiant knight shall be avenged.

1488
01:27:56,938 --> 01:28:00,274
In the name of God,
we shall not stop our fight

1489
01:28:00,358 --> 01:28:05,154
till each one of you lies
dead, and the Holy Grail

1490
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:08,866
returns to those
whom God has chosen.

1491
01:28:09,201 --> 01:28:10,326
(FRENCHMEN LAUGHING IN DERISION)

1492
01:28:10,410 --> 01:28:11,702
ARTHUR: Charge!

1493
01:28:11,787 --> 01:28:15,664
(ALL SHOUTING)

1494
01:28:33,099 --> 01:28:35,476
(SIREN WAILING)

1495
01:28:38,980 --> 01:28:41,398
Yes, they're
the ones, I'm sure.

1496
01:28:41,566 --> 01:28:43,275
(POLICEMEN SHOUTING ORDERS)

1497
01:28:43,401 --> 01:28:45,486
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

1498
01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:48,322
Come on.

1499
01:28:48,448 --> 01:28:49,698
Put this man in the van.

1500
01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:54,912
Put him in the van.

1501
01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:56,413
Get a blanket over that one.

1502
01:28:56,706 --> 01:28:59,250
Come on, back! Right back!

1503
01:29:01,503 --> 01:29:03,754
That's an offensive weapon,
that is.

1504
01:29:04,297 --> 01:29:06,590
(POLICEMEN BARKING ORDERS)

1505
01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:09,343
All right, sonny,
that's enough. Pack that in.

1506
01:29:09,511 --> 01:29:10,511
(GLASS SHATTERING)