1
00:00:34,662 --> 00:00:35,862
You said you'd go.
2
00:00:35,942 --> 00:00:38,982
I didn't say I would, I said I might.
I've got to do the accounts tonight.
3
00:00:39,062 --> 00:00:40,742
You don't have to do the accounts tonight.
4
00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:42,382
- I do.
- It's always the same.
5
00:00:42,462 --> 00:00:44,662
Whenever I want to go out,
you've always got some excuse.
6
00:00:44,742 --> 00:00:46,222
It's not an excuse.
It's just that tonight...
7
00:00:46,302 --> 00:00:49,422
It's not just tonight, it's any night
I want to go out with any of my friends,
8
00:00:49,502 --> 00:00:52,142
anyone at all, any other members
of the human race.
9
00:00:52,222 --> 00:00:55,382
Yes, I wouldn't call the Sherrins
members of the human race.
10
00:00:55,462 --> 00:00:57,782
I'm cooped up in this hotel all day long.
11
00:00:57,902 --> 00:01:01,582
You never take me out, the only bit of life I get
is when I get away with some of my friends.
12
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,662
Well, you must get away more often, dear.
13
00:01:04,902 --> 00:01:07,862
They all think you're peculiar.
You know that, don't you?
14
00:01:07,982 --> 00:01:12,462
They've all said at one time or another,
how on earth did the two of us ever get together?
15
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,782
"Black magic," my mother says.
16
00:01:15,502 --> 00:01:19,302
She'd know, wouldn't she? Her and that cat.
17
00:01:30,422 --> 00:01:32,422
Shall I get you the wine list?
18
00:01:32,982 --> 00:01:35,582
- Mr Fawlty?
- "Mister"? Please, call me waiter.
19
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,942
I'll go get a chair and
you can really tuck in.
20
00:01:38,022 --> 00:01:39,702
There's some stuff in
the bin you might like,
21
00:01:39,782 --> 00:01:41,662
potato peelings, cold rice pudding,
that sort of thing...
22
00:01:41,742 --> 00:01:44,582
Not exactly haute cuisine,
but it'll certainly help to fill you up.
23
00:01:44,662 --> 00:01:46,222
Sybil, may I introduce the gentleman
24
00:01:46,342 --> 00:01:48,982
who's just opened the self-service
department here? Mister...
25
00:01:49,102 --> 00:01:52,902
- Carnegie.
- Mr Carnegie, the scavenger gourmet from...
26
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:54,662
The public health department.
27
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,222
Yes, wh... Where were you born?
Scavenger or down here in the West country?
28
00:01:58,302 --> 00:02:00,102
Public health department?
29
00:02:00,182 --> 00:02:03,382
Here's the invoice for the
meat, Mr Carnegie.
30
00:02:03,462 --> 00:02:07,102
- It's the six-monthly checkup.
- The meat was delivered on Wednesday.
31
00:02:07,182 --> 00:02:09,582
Yes. That would appear to be satisfactory.
32
00:02:09,702 --> 00:02:12,142
Oh, good.
Hope you didn't mind my little joke just now.
33
00:02:12,222 --> 00:02:15,422
Thank God we English
can laugh at each other, eh?
34
00:02:19,102 --> 00:02:24,542
That's our... Our new chef, just... Just left.
Just popped out for a quick prayer, I expect.
35
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,902
- Mr Fawlty?
- Hello.
36
00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:31,382
These premises do not come up
to the standard required by this authority.
37
00:02:31,462 --> 00:02:33,782
Unless appropriate steps
are taken instantly,
38
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,782
I shall have no alternative but
to prosecute or recommend closure
39
00:02:36,862 --> 00:02:39,142
to the appropriate
committee of the council.
40
00:02:39,262 --> 00:02:44,222
Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines,
dirty and greasy filters,
41
00:02:44,302 --> 00:02:46,422
greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer,
42
00:02:46,502 --> 00:02:48,862
dirty, cracked, and stained
food preparation surfaces,
43
00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:53,662
dirty, cracked, and missing wall and floor tiles,
dirty, marked, and stained utensils,
44
00:02:53,742 --> 00:02:56,742
dirty and greasy interior surfaces
of the ventilator hoods.
45
00:02:56,822 --> 00:02:58,022
Yes, about the deep fat fryer...
46
00:02:58,102 --> 00:03:01,222
Inadequate temperature control
and storage of dangerous foodstuffs,
47
00:03:01,302 --> 00:03:03,742
storage of cooked and
raw meat in same trays,
48
00:03:03,822 --> 00:03:06,262
storage of raw meat above confectionery,
49
00:03:06,342 --> 00:03:09,502
with consequent dripping of meat juices
onto cream products,
50
00:03:09,582 --> 00:03:12,982
refrigerator seals loose and cracked,
ice box un-defrosted,
51
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:16,062
- and refrigerator overstocked.
- Yes, say no more.
52
00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:19,142
Food handling routines suspect,
53
00:03:19,222 --> 00:03:22,222
evidence of smoking in
food preparation area,
54
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,782
dirty and grubby food handling overalls,
55
00:03:24,862 --> 00:03:27,902
lack of wash handbasin...
Which you gave us a verbal assurance
56
00:03:27,982 --> 00:03:30,862
you'd have installed
on our last visit six months ago...
57
00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:33,662
And two dead pigeons in the water tank.
58
00:03:35,702 --> 00:03:37,982
Otherwise, okay?
59
00:03:38,502 --> 00:03:40,382
As I said, I shall refrain from serving
60
00:03:40,462 --> 00:03:43,142
a food hygiene notice today,
but I shall return tomorrow.
61
00:03:43,262 --> 00:03:47,902
If the items on this list have not been rectified,
I shall take immediate action.
62
00:03:48,022 --> 00:03:51,662
I have not had time to inspect the bedrooms
and common passageways,
63
00:03:51,742 --> 00:03:53,222
but I shall be doing so tomorrow.
64
00:03:53,302 --> 00:03:55,462
Yes, of course.
65
00:03:55,742 --> 00:03:59,022
The only gourmets
you'll find scavenging in this kitchen
66
00:03:59,102 --> 00:04:01,702
will be kamikaze ones.
67
00:04:02,462 --> 00:04:05,422
Thought we was in trouble
there for a minute.
68
00:04:05,502 --> 00:04:07,142
We are in trouble.
69
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:08,702
Piece of cake.
70
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,062
Have you read this piece of cake?
71
00:04:11,142 --> 00:04:12,902
They gotta do that, ain't they?
It's part of their job.
72
00:04:12,982 --> 00:04:14,942
Terry, this kitchen is filthy!
73
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,622
Filthy Towers, eh?
74
00:04:16,702 --> 00:04:18,822
- Now, look...
- All kitchens are filthy, Mr Fawlty.
75
00:04:18,902 --> 00:04:20,942
In fact, the better the
kitchen, the filthier it is.
76
00:04:21,062 --> 00:04:24,822
Have you ever read George Orwell's
experiences at Maxim's in Paris?
77
00:04:24,902 --> 00:04:28,022
No, do you have a copy?
I'll read it out in court.
78
00:04:28,382 --> 00:04:31,302
Don't just stand there gossiping.
Go upstairs.
79
00:04:31,382 --> 00:04:33,582
I'm trying to point out
to our alleged chef...
80
00:04:33,662 --> 00:04:34,822
Go upstairs and get Manuel,
81
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:38,262
then check the bathrooms for soap and paper
and get those pigeons out of the water tank.
82
00:04:38,342 --> 00:04:40,062
Yes, my little commandant.
83
00:04:40,142 --> 00:04:42,422
And see how many fire
extinguishers are missing.
84
00:04:42,502 --> 00:04:45,022
Come on, Polly. We'll start in here.
85
00:04:45,102 --> 00:04:46,742
Not in here, puss.
86
00:04:59,822 --> 00:05:02,822
Manuel, I'm sorry. This is an emergency.
Important, sí?
87
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:05,902
The health inspector's just been,
things wrong with hotel.
88
00:05:05,982 --> 00:05:07,662
We put them right by tomorrow, all right?
89
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:10,502
- Now, Manuel, go up to the roof, sí?
- Yes, sí.
90
00:05:10,582 --> 00:05:12,462
No, no, come. I haven't told you yet.
91
00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:15,062
- Go to the water tank.
- Water.
92
00:05:15,142 --> 00:05:17,342
- Water tank. Water on roof, in tank.
- Sí, sí, sí.
93
00:05:17,422 --> 00:05:19,942
Two dead pigeons, in tank. Take out.
94
00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:25,022
It's not difficult, Manuel.
This is not a proposition from Wittgenstein.
95
00:05:25,102 --> 00:05:28,142
Listen, two dead pigeons. Water tank.
96
00:05:31,862 --> 00:05:34,342
- What is funny?
- How they get up there?
97
00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:36,822
How'd they... They flew up there.
98
00:05:38,062 --> 00:05:39,582
That's right.
99
00:05:40,902 --> 00:05:44,022
Will you stop... Will you just...
Will you pull...
100
00:05:44,102 --> 00:05:46,942
Not pigs! Pigeons!
101
00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:50,062
- Qué?
- Pigeon, pigeon.
102
00:05:50,502 --> 00:05:55,302
Like your English.
"Plety, piffle, pig, pigeon!" Pigeon.
103
00:05:55,382 --> 00:05:57,902
"Piggy on..." Ah!
104
00:05:58,462 --> 00:06:02,342
- What is that?
- Is my hamster. "Piggy-on."
105
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:06,342
- Hamster?
- Sí, sí. No, pidge-on.
106
00:06:06,422 --> 00:06:08,222
- Manuel, it's a rat.
- Pidge-in.
107
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,622
- It's a rat!
- No, no, is hamster.
108
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:13,142
Of course it's a rat.
You have rats in Spain, don't you?
109
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:15,182
Or did Franco have them all shot?
110
00:06:15,262 --> 00:06:17,462
No, is hamster.
111
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:20,062
- It's a rat.
- No, I think so too.
112
00:06:20,142 --> 00:06:22,462
I say to man in shop, "Is rat."
113
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:27,262
He says, "No, no, no. Is a special kind of hamster.
Is Filigree Siberian Hamster."
114
00:06:27,342 --> 00:06:30,582
Only one in shop.
He make special price, only £5.
115
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,342
Have you ever heard
of the Bubonic Plague, Manuel?
116
00:06:34,422 --> 00:06:35,982
It was very popular here at one time.
117
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,782
A lot of pedigreed hamsters
came over on ships from Siberia.
118
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:42,262
- What you do?
- Sorry, this is a rat.
119
00:06:42,342 --> 00:06:44,222
- No, no! Is hamster!
- Is not hamster.
120
00:06:44,342 --> 00:06:49,022
Hamster are small and cuddly.
Cuddle this, you'd never play the guitar again.
121
00:06:50,422 --> 00:06:53,582
- Where you go? Where you take him?
- I'm sorry Manuel. He's got to go.
122
00:06:53,662 --> 00:06:54,662
- Go? No, no, no!
- Yes.
123
00:06:54,742 --> 00:06:57,662
- He mine. He stay with me.
- Now look! This is a hotel!
124
00:06:57,742 --> 00:07:01,102
The health inspector comes tomorrow.
If he sees this, I, closed down.
125
00:07:01,182 --> 00:07:05,022
No warning, closed down. Finito.
You, out of work. Back to Barcelona.
126
00:07:05,102 --> 00:07:07,582
He no hurt. He in cage.
He safe. Please! Please!
127
00:07:07,662 --> 00:07:09,262
- Good morning, ladies.
- What's the matter?
128
00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:10,742
He take my hamster!
129
00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,742
Please, no, Mr Fawlty! I love him!
130
00:07:13,822 --> 00:07:16,782
- How could you?
- He take it from my room!
131
00:07:16,862 --> 00:07:19,062
- There, there.
- It'll be all right.
132
00:07:19,182 --> 00:07:23,782
- You can keep it in our room.
- That's right, we'll keep it in our room, Mr Fawlty.
133
00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:25,422
We'll look after it.
134
00:07:26,742 --> 00:07:28,062
A rat! A rat!
135
00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:32,062
No, no. Is Siberian Hamster, Filigree.
136
00:07:35,302 --> 00:07:38,662
It's all right, it's only a Siberian Hamster.
Just getting rid of it.
137
00:07:40,782 --> 00:07:42,822
- Polly, Polly! He take my hamster.
- What?
138
00:07:42,902 --> 00:07:46,342
Mr Fawlty take my hamster!
He crazy, he think is rat!
139
00:07:47,662 --> 00:07:49,142
- Manuel.
- Hmm?
140
00:07:50,982 --> 00:07:52,382
Prepare yourself for a shock.
141
00:07:54,062 --> 00:07:56,542
- Why didn't you check?
- What?
142
00:07:56,622 --> 00:07:59,502
You mean he's had it for a whole year,
and you've only just found out?
143
00:07:59,582 --> 00:08:02,062
- Supposing the health inspector had seen it?
- I know.
144
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:03,942
He could have closed us down.
145
00:08:04,022 --> 00:08:06,782
What are you going to do with it, Basil?
You can't keep it in here.
146
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:07,902
I know.
147
00:08:07,982 --> 00:08:10,302
And don't let it loose in the garden.
It'll come back in the house.
148
00:08:10,382 --> 00:08:12,062
Can't we get you on Mastermind, Sybil?
149
00:08:12,182 --> 00:08:16,302
Next contestant, Sybil Fawlty from Torquay,
special subject, the bleedin' obvious!
150
00:08:16,382 --> 00:08:18,942
I wasn't going to let it go in the garden.
151
00:08:19,022 --> 00:08:20,542
What are you going to do with it?
152
00:08:20,622 --> 00:08:22,982
I don't know. I'll take it away.
Let it go. Give it its freedom.
153
00:08:23,062 --> 00:08:25,782
You can't do that, Basil.
He wouldn't be able to defend himself.
154
00:08:25,862 --> 00:08:27,222
He's a rat, isn't he?
155
00:08:27,302 --> 00:08:29,822
He's domesticated, aren't you?
156
00:08:29,902 --> 00:08:31,902
You're domesticated, you do all right.
157
00:08:31,982 --> 00:08:33,142
Basil!
158
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:36,262
He won't get mugged
by a gang of field mice, will he?
159
00:08:36,342 --> 00:08:39,982
Basil, he's Manuel's pet.
We have a duty to it.
160
00:08:40,182 --> 00:08:41,862
Perhaps we could find a home for him.
161
00:08:41,982 --> 00:08:47,022
All right! I'll put an ad in the papers!
Wanted, kind home for enormous savage rodent.
162
00:08:47,102 --> 00:08:48,422
Answers to the name of Sybil.
163
00:08:48,502 --> 00:08:51,062
Look, I'll take him out into the country...
164
00:08:51,142 --> 00:08:54,542
No! I cannot abide cruelty
to living creatures.
165
00:08:54,622 --> 00:08:56,262
Well, I'm a creature,
you can abide it to me.
166
00:08:56,342 --> 00:08:58,102
You're not living.
167
00:08:59,662 --> 00:09:01,022
Look, Manuel, we were just wondering...
168
00:09:01,102 --> 00:09:03,942
Mrs Fawlty, please understand.
If he go, I go.
169
00:09:04,022 --> 00:09:05,382
Well, goodbye.
170
00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:07,862
Please listen.
171
00:09:07,942 --> 00:09:10,542
You know, we really can't keep him here.
The health inspector wouldn't...
172
00:09:10,622 --> 00:09:13,142
Mrs Fawlty, he here one
year, he do no harm.
173
00:09:13,222 --> 00:09:18,182
But, Manuel, listen. If they see your rat,
they could close the hotel down.
174
00:09:18,262 --> 00:09:22,342
Perhaps it would be simplest
to have him put to s-I-e-e-p.
175
00:09:23,742 --> 00:09:27,902
Who? Him or the rat?
We might get a discount if we had 'em both done.
176
00:09:27,982 --> 00:09:29,142
"Spleep"?
177
00:09:29,222 --> 00:09:32,502
Manuel, I've rung my friend.
It's all right. She'll take him.
178
00:09:32,582 --> 00:09:34,022
She has lots of animals,
179
00:09:34,102 --> 00:09:36,662
and it's not far from here,
you can go see him whenever you want.
180
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:37,902
Come on, we'll take him there now.
181
00:09:37,982 --> 00:09:40,422
- But he forget me!
- Rats are like that.
182
00:09:40,502 --> 00:09:43,862
- Don't get involved with them.
- I think it's the best solution, Manuel.
183
00:09:43,942 --> 00:09:45,982
Oh, he'll be happy. You'll see.
184
00:09:46,862 --> 00:09:48,462
Sad, isn't it?
185
00:09:48,782 --> 00:09:50,622
Well, look at it from the
point of view of the rat.
186
00:09:50,702 --> 00:09:51,902
- What?
- Would you want
187
00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:54,782
to spend the rest of your life
with Manuel waiting on you?
188
00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:05,982
We've been through the cupboards,
you're doing the walls,
189
00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:08,902
Terry, the filters, checked the fridges...
190
00:10:09,582 --> 00:10:11,262
Come here.
191
00:10:12,822 --> 00:10:16,382
Right, that's done.
Now, Sybil, everything done here?
192
00:10:16,462 --> 00:10:17,662
Have you put the lid on the tank, Basil?
193
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,822
That's why I've been on the roof
the last 40 minutes.
194
00:10:19,902 --> 00:10:22,342
- And you took the pigeons out?
- No, I left them in. They're nearly done.
195
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,862
Now, walls?
196
00:10:24,262 --> 00:10:26,022
I've checked everything.
197
00:10:26,102 --> 00:10:27,822
Terry, the hoods. We've done the cupboards?
198
00:10:27,902 --> 00:10:29,342
- It's all been done, Basil.
- The fridge.
199
00:10:29,422 --> 00:10:31,742
- Have we got it all separate?
- Basil, I told you, it's all been done.
200
00:10:31,822 --> 00:10:34,502
- Seals on the old fridge, the floor?
- I've checked it.
201
00:10:34,622 --> 00:10:38,382
Just running over the bleeding obvious, dear.
So, all is shipshape and Bristol fashion, eh?
202
00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,862
All ready for ode snoopy drawers?
203
00:10:45,822 --> 00:10:49,502
- Is this about that rodent?
- Leave him alone, Basil, he's upset.
204
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,622
He's not going to cheer up
mooning about like that, is he?
205
00:10:51,702 --> 00:10:52,822
Just let him be.
206
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,662
It doesn't help him, you encouraging it.
You've got to get his mind off it.
207
00:10:56,742 --> 00:10:58,982
Well, Manuel, what do you think?
Looks good, doesn't it, eh?
208
00:10:59,062 --> 00:11:01,102
All clean and shining bright?
209
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,102
So empty, without him.
210
00:11:03,182 --> 00:11:04,902
Yes, but those walls look good, too.
211
00:11:04,982 --> 00:11:07,502
And the hoods, gleaming like that,
isn't that a marvellous sight?
212
00:11:07,582 --> 00:11:09,462
Please leave me alone. I get over it.
213
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,902
Yes, no point in letting it get you down.
214
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:13,742
Plenty more fish in the sea, eh?
215
00:11:13,822 --> 00:11:14,902
- Don't!
- What?
216
00:11:14,982 --> 00:11:16,782
Don't hit me. Always you hit me.
217
00:11:16,862 --> 00:11:18,862
I'm not hitting you,
I'm trying to cheer you up.
218
00:11:18,942 --> 00:11:20,062
Let him be, Basil.
219
00:11:20,142 --> 00:11:23,862
Look, look... Don't look at me
with those awful cow eyes.
220
00:11:23,942 --> 00:11:25,702
Wh... Why don't you go
to the cinema tonight?
221
00:11:25,782 --> 00:11:28,422
Why don't you and Polly go to the ice rink?
222
00:11:28,502 --> 00:11:31,382
Why don't you...
Cheer up, for Christ's sake!
223
00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:32,502
Basil!
224
00:11:32,582 --> 00:11:34,902
I cannot stand this awful self indulgence!
225
00:11:34,982 --> 00:11:37,902
Leave him alone, Basil,
he's just depressed.
226
00:11:38,502 --> 00:11:42,662
Manuel, my wife informs me
that you're depressed.
227
00:11:43,222 --> 00:11:47,502
Let me tell you something,
depression is a very bad thing.
228
00:11:48,182 --> 00:11:49,342
It's like a virus.
229
00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:51,462
If you don't stamp on it,
it spreads throughout the mind,
230
00:11:51,582 --> 00:11:55,062
and then one day, you wake up in the morning,
and you can't face life any more.
231
00:11:55,142 --> 00:11:57,382
And then you open a hotel.
232
00:11:58,982 --> 00:12:02,182
We didn't win the war
by getting depressed, you know?
233
00:12:02,262 --> 00:12:03,742
- Manuel!
- Cómo?
234
00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:05,102
- Not so sad.
- No?
235
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:06,302
No, no. It's too much.
236
00:12:06,382 --> 00:12:07,902
- Too much?
- Much too much.
237
00:12:07,982 --> 00:12:09,102
Just a little bit sad.
238
00:12:09,182 --> 00:12:10,342
- There's the food.
- Ah, gracias.
239
00:12:10,422 --> 00:12:11,422
Don't forget the water.
240
00:12:11,502 --> 00:12:13,542
Ahh, Terry, Terry.
Let me have a bit of that.
241
00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:15,862
- That's fillet.
- Sí, sí, he like it. Please.
242
00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:17,142
Want some béarnaise with it?
243
00:12:17,222 --> 00:12:19,222
No, no... Is chostelorol.
244
00:12:32,862 --> 00:12:33,902
Shoo.
245
00:12:44,462 --> 00:12:45,622
Basil?
246
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,942
Thank you, Mr Higgins.
247
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,702
Thank you.
248
00:12:53,902 --> 00:12:56,582
- And here's the picture.
- What?
249
00:12:56,662 --> 00:12:59,542
The picture. The one in your room.
You said you liked it.
250
00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:00,742
- Uh...
- Polly!
251
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,342
- Shh! Wait!
- Polly.
252
00:13:02,422 --> 00:13:04,142
No, I'm sorry. I really don't...
253
00:13:04,222 --> 00:13:06,702
Just a fiver...
You can have it on approval.
254
00:13:06,782 --> 00:13:07,942
Sorry.
255
00:13:08,022 --> 00:13:10,502
It's for my sister's eye operation.
256
00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:12,102
You bastard!
257
00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,222
- Polly!
- Oh, what?
258
00:13:15,302 --> 00:13:16,342
- He gone!
- What?
259
00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:17,942
He gone! He escape!
260
00:13:18,022 --> 00:13:19,302
But how did he get out of the cage?
261
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,822
I leave door open so he
can exercise in shed.
262
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,182
You dago dodo!
263
00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:27,542
- You got it all over your front.
- Qué?
264
00:13:27,622 --> 00:13:29,262
- Mucho salo.
- What you do?
265
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,982
- Is dirty.
- Don't matter, what about Basil?
266
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,022
- Mr Fawlty to you.
- No, no. Basil!
267
00:13:34,102 --> 00:13:35,782
Está aquí.
268
00:13:36,062 --> 00:13:38,462
- Now go and clean it.
- Ah, sí, sí.
269
00:13:39,622 --> 00:13:42,222
Jolly good, Polly.
That's the way to snap him out of it.
270
00:13:42,302 --> 00:13:44,902
- Morning, Fawlty.
- Hello, Major. There are the papers.
271
00:13:44,982 --> 00:13:46,502
That's where I left it.
272
00:13:46,582 --> 00:13:48,462
Strike, strike, strike.
273
00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:50,782
Why do we bother, Fawlty?
274
00:13:51,502 --> 00:13:53,662
Didn't know you did, Major.
275
00:13:58,862 --> 00:14:00,742
Boycott made a century.
276
00:14:05,502 --> 00:14:07,702
Stay where you are, old chap.
277
00:14:10,942 --> 00:14:12,582
Don't move.
278
00:14:23,342 --> 00:14:26,302
- Terry, give these a rinse, will you?
- I have.
279
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:28,902
Well, they're still dirty.
Put them in the dishwasher.
280
00:14:47,182 --> 00:14:49,982
- Do you need any help, Major?
- Don't move!
281
00:14:51,742 --> 00:14:53,062
Vermin.
282
00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:58,022
- We haven't got any, this week, Major.
- Hmm?
283
00:14:58,102 --> 00:14:59,462
No Germans staying this week, Major.
284
00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,062
May I have that?
285
00:15:01,142 --> 00:15:02,422
Goin' to shoot him, Fawlty.
286
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:03,662
- Major?
- Hmm?
287
00:15:03,742 --> 00:15:06,022
Not legal actually, any more, murder.
288
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:07,462
But they're animals, Fawlty!
289
00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:09,302
Oh, yes, yes.
Still, forgive and forget, eh?
290
00:15:09,382 --> 00:15:11,702
- Forgive 'em?
- Well, pretend we do.
291
00:15:11,782 --> 00:15:13,822
But they spread disease, Fawlty.
292
00:15:13,902 --> 00:15:17,742
He was sitting there, on that table,
eating the nuts, if you please.
293
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:19,262
He's really gone this time.
294
00:15:19,342 --> 00:15:22,782
About that size, that... With the tail.
295
00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:26,862
Tall?
296
00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:31,622
- What did you say he was?
- Vermin. A dirty rat.
297
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,102
- How long ago?
- About two minutes ago.
298
00:15:38,182 --> 00:15:40,982
Stay there, Major. Stay there.
If you see him, give me a shout.
299
00:15:41,062 --> 00:15:42,302
Will do.
300
00:15:48,422 --> 00:15:51,942
I'm just cleaning behind the
fridge, Mr Fawlty.
301
00:15:54,462 --> 00:15:55,822
Basil.
302
00:15:55,902 --> 00:15:58,142
Basil... Cheesies.
303
00:15:59,302 --> 00:16:00,822
- Bas...
- Yes?
304
00:16:01,622 --> 00:16:02,942
Here I am!
305
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,782
- Hello, Mr Fawlty.
- That's for me, is it?
306
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:06,382
Thank you. Hmm.
307
00:16:07,862 --> 00:16:10,862
- Shall I get you some more? There's plenty...
- He's called Basil, is he?
308
00:16:10,942 --> 00:16:13,582
Don't play dumb with me. I trusted you.
You're responsible for this.
309
00:16:13,662 --> 00:16:15,902
"My friend will look after him,
Mr Fawlty!"
310
00:16:15,982 --> 00:16:17,142
Just...
311
00:16:21,142 --> 00:16:24,102
Come on. Come on out.
Come on. Basil's here.
312
00:16:25,342 --> 00:16:27,542
- Have you got him?
- He's under there.
313
00:16:27,622 --> 00:16:29,382
Right. I'll get him.
314
00:16:31,182 --> 00:16:32,742
Cleaning behind the fridge?
315
00:16:32,822 --> 00:16:35,342
Well, you've got a lot on your mind.
We didn't want to worry you, Mr F...
316
00:16:35,422 --> 00:16:37,022
What do you mean? A public health inspector
317
00:16:37,102 --> 00:16:39,662
coming after a 24-hour warning
and a rat loose in the hotel,
318
00:16:39,742 --> 00:16:40,902
is that what you mean?
319
00:16:41,022 --> 00:16:44,502
- He must have escaped, Mr Fawlty, and come back.
- Come back?
320
00:16:44,582 --> 00:16:45,902
They home.
321
00:16:46,902 --> 00:16:49,462
Oh, I see. He's a homing rat, is he?
322
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,262
Oh, yeah. Rats are amazing
creatures, Mr Fawlty.
323
00:16:53,342 --> 00:16:54,742
I read about one once.
324
00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:56,662
His owner had gone down to Penzance...
325
00:16:56,742 --> 00:16:57,822
Yes, yes. I read about that.
326
00:16:57,902 --> 00:16:59,542
When the chef got filleted
with his own carving knife?
327
00:16:59,622 --> 00:17:02,942
- No, honest, scout's honour.
- We'll find him, Mr Fawlty!
328
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,902
Well, if you could. That would be lovely,
before they close us down. Super!
329
00:17:06,022 --> 00:17:09,782
Well, let's have a little Basil hunt, shall we?
And then we'll deal with the sackings later on.
330
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,622
- I'll do the cellar.
- I'll do this floor.
331
00:17:11,702 --> 00:17:12,942
Manuel, you check your room.
332
00:17:13,062 --> 00:17:15,822
Start in the bar. He was there two minutes ago.
I'll do the kitchen.
333
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:18,342
I've done all them.
334
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,862
- Oh, Mr Carnegie. Good morning.
- Good morning, Mrs Fawlty.
335
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,062
Hello. Nice to see you.
336
00:17:54,142 --> 00:17:56,582
Would you like coffee
before we adjourn to...
337
00:17:56,662 --> 00:17:58,822
No, thank you.
If we start upstairs with the water tanks.
338
00:17:58,902 --> 00:18:00,062
- Ah, good idea.
- What?
339
00:18:00,142 --> 00:18:01,782
Good thinking, about starting upstairs.
340
00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:04,702
- Sybil, would you like to show Mr Carnegie up?
- I was just going to, Basil.
341
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:07,942
And I'll keep an eye on things down here,
find something to get on with.
342
00:18:09,142 --> 00:18:10,862
God! What was that?
343
00:18:11,502 --> 00:18:15,342
Bloody television exploding again.
I'll deal with it, you go upstairs.
344
00:18:15,422 --> 00:18:18,862
- That was a gun!
- Yes, it did sound like it, didn't it?
345
00:18:22,222 --> 00:18:24,462
- Moths.
- What is going on here?
346
00:18:24,942 --> 00:18:28,302
I'll get him!
He'll come back for the nuts, you know?
347
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:30,702
He was sniffing around here just now.
348
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,262
Sorry, sorry, Major.
349
00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:34,342
It wasn't the television at all.
It was just this gun.
350
00:18:34,422 --> 00:18:36,262
I'll put it under lock
and key straightaway.
351
00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,262
Why was he firing it in the hotel?
352
00:18:38,342 --> 00:18:39,782
Shooting starlings.
353
00:18:39,862 --> 00:18:41,902
- In the bar?
- Through the window. I'll lock it away.
354
00:18:41,982 --> 00:18:43,542
- Is it licensed?
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
355
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,902
You do realise that under
the health and safety act
356
00:18:45,982 --> 00:18:47,182
it is your responsibility?
357
00:18:47,262 --> 00:18:49,982
Oh, yes. I'm terribly sorry.
It's never happened before, Mr Carnegie.
358
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,822
I'll have to notify the police, of course.
They will take steps.
359
00:18:52,902 --> 00:18:54,622
Qué? Polly, qué ha pasado?
360
00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:56,422
- It's all right, Manuel.
- Is he all right?
361
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,702
- Yes.
- He no dead?
362
00:18:57,782 --> 00:19:00,022
No, it was just the Major
letting the gun off.
363
00:19:00,102 --> 00:19:02,862
- The Major tried to kill Basil?
- Kill Basil?
364
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,502
No, not Mr Fawlty.
I mean Basil, my little...
365
00:19:05,582 --> 00:19:06,782
Ratatouille!
366
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:08,302
Basil. The little...
367
00:19:08,382 --> 00:19:09,782
Ratatouille.
368
00:19:10,102 --> 00:19:14,942
The chef calls the Ratatouille Basil,
because he puts quite a lot of basil in it.
369
00:19:15,262 --> 00:19:17,582
He put Basil in the Ratatouille?
370
00:19:18,302 --> 00:19:19,382
Yes!
371
00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:27,422
He's from Barcelona.
372
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,822
You know, typical Latin, really.
Would you like to...
373
00:19:36,022 --> 00:19:38,262
- Why you do this?
- I 'aven't, I 'aven't!
374
00:19:38,342 --> 00:19:40,062
Polly say you put Basil in ratatouille.
375
00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:43,022
I haven't made any bleeding ratatouille!
376
00:19:43,102 --> 00:19:44,182
Manuel!
377
00:19:44,262 --> 00:19:45,902
Well, why you say he put
Basil in ratatouille?
378
00:19:45,982 --> 00:19:47,742
I had to say something.
That was the health inspector.
379
00:19:47,822 --> 00:19:48,902
Now, will you calm down?
380
00:19:48,982 --> 00:19:50,302
- Where is he?
- Oh, I don't know!
381
00:19:50,382 --> 00:19:52,182
- Perhaps he dead.
- Oh, 'e's all right.
382
00:19:52,262 --> 00:19:54,462
Give us the veal.
I've got to get lunch ready.
383
00:19:54,582 --> 00:19:59,422
How you know he's all right?
The Major fire his gun, perhaps he hit. I find him!
384
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:00,622
Sorry, Polly.
385
00:20:00,702 --> 00:20:02,982
Oh, pick 'em up quick,
before 'e gets in here.
386
00:20:03,182 --> 00:20:05,182
That's it, Major. You've nearly got it.
387
00:20:05,262 --> 00:20:08,782
The thing is, not a word about rats.
You were shooting a starling, all right?
388
00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:09,862
- A starling.
- Yes.
389
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:10,982
- Through the window.
- Right.
390
00:20:11,062 --> 00:20:13,862
But, Fawlty,
how did the starling get in the bar?
391
00:20:13,942 --> 00:20:15,622
No, no, no. You were in the bar.
392
00:20:15,702 --> 00:20:16,942
- I was in the bar?
- Yes!
393
00:20:17,022 --> 00:20:18,062
Yes, I was!
394
00:20:18,142 --> 00:20:21,542
And the starling was in the garden,
and the rat was nowhere at all.
395
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:23,542
Well, I didn't see him.
396
00:20:24,102 --> 00:20:26,262
Say good night to the folks, Gracie.
397
00:20:26,502 --> 00:20:28,662
- All right, Terry. Everything under control?
- Yeah. Is he still...
398
00:20:28,742 --> 00:20:30,822
No, he started upstairs.
God knows where that rat is.
399
00:20:30,902 --> 00:20:32,382
Tch! Oh, puss.
400
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,822
Come on, puss.
401
00:20:37,382 --> 00:20:38,622
Out you go.
402
00:20:42,782 --> 00:20:44,662
Oh, uh... I put some...
403
00:20:45,982 --> 00:20:47,302
- Terry?
- Yeah?
404
00:20:47,382 --> 00:20:48,582
There was a piece of veal down here.
405
00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:50,422
Yeah, I got 'em all up, Mr Fawlty.
406
00:20:50,502 --> 00:20:52,422
- What?
- We picked 'em all up.
407
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,502
- Got the veals, Terry?
- Yeah, here they are, Poll.
408
00:20:54,622 --> 00:20:56,782
Terry, listen to me.
What do you mean, "You picked them all up"?
409
00:20:56,862 --> 00:20:59,942
Manuel knocked 'em over.
We picked 'em all up.
410
00:21:00,942 --> 00:21:03,262
- Oh, my God!
- What's the matter?
411
00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:06,022
One of them's got rat poison on it.
412
00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:10,022
Sorry, sorry!
413
00:21:10,222 --> 00:21:11,822
Veal's off, sorry.
414
00:21:11,902 --> 00:21:14,942
- That's veal?
- No, no, this is... Veal substitute.
415
00:21:15,062 --> 00:21:17,342
We're giving it a try,
and it's a bit of a disappointment, I'm afraid.
416
00:21:17,422 --> 00:21:18,662
In fact, it's no substitute at all.
417
00:21:18,742 --> 00:21:21,462
Polly, would you take the
order again, please?
418
00:21:21,542 --> 00:21:23,382
Thank you, thank you so much.
419
00:21:23,462 --> 00:21:26,302
I'm sorry about that.
Would you like the lamb or the plaice?
420
00:21:26,382 --> 00:21:27,982
Veal substitute?
421
00:21:28,182 --> 00:21:32,742
Well, it's Japanese, actually,
soya beans and essence of cow.
422
00:21:34,102 --> 00:21:35,222
Seals?
423
00:21:35,302 --> 00:21:38,582
We've moved all the meat into this one,
and we've put the confectionery...
424
00:21:39,942 --> 00:21:42,582
Ahem! A bottle of the Beaujolais, please.
425
00:21:42,662 --> 00:21:43,822
Certainly.
426
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,182
- And the wash handbasin?
- We ordered it yesterday.
427
00:21:46,262 --> 00:21:48,982
Here's the acknowledgement of the order.
428
00:21:49,582 --> 00:21:53,782
Well, it would appear that this kitchen
is now in a satisfactory condition.
429
00:21:53,862 --> 00:21:55,062
I shall be writing to confirm...
430
00:21:56,702 --> 00:21:58,422
Sorry, it slipped.
431
00:21:59,302 --> 00:22:00,622
...the outstanding points,
432
00:22:00,702 --> 00:22:04,342
and someone will be dropping in
to carry out a future random inspection
433
00:22:04,422 --> 00:22:06,262
to make sure these standards
are being maintained.
434
00:22:06,342 --> 00:22:08,742
- Thank you.
- Marvellous.
435
00:22:08,822 --> 00:22:10,182
It's 10 to 1:00.
436
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:11,942
I'd like to take lunch here, if I may?
437
00:22:12,022 --> 00:22:14,062
Certainly, Mr Carnegie.
438
00:22:14,182 --> 00:22:16,902
I couldn't help noticing
you had some veal over here...
439
00:22:20,022 --> 00:22:22,462
- Veal?
- Yes, it's Dutch.
440
00:22:22,822 --> 00:22:25,222
It's not Dutch, actually. It's Norwegian.
441
00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:26,302
- Norwegian?
- Yes.
442
00:22:26,382 --> 00:22:28,022
Not the absolute apex, quite honestly.
443
00:22:28,102 --> 00:22:29,782
Terry, the veal is Dutch, isn't it?
444
00:22:29,862 --> 00:22:31,702
Norwegian, Mrs Fawlty.
445
00:22:31,782 --> 00:22:35,902
I've been in this business 20 years,
I've never heard of Norwegian veal.
446
00:22:35,982 --> 00:22:37,502
They've only just branched into it.
447
00:22:37,582 --> 00:22:40,222
I don't think it's a winner, frankly,
more of a veal substitute.
448
00:22:40,302 --> 00:22:41,902
It's got a lot of air pockets in
it, that sort of thing.
449
00:22:41,982 --> 00:22:43,342
- The lamb is Dutch.
- Dutch?
450
00:22:43,422 --> 00:22:46,542
English, I mean. We call it Dutch 'cause
it's as good as the veal. Better, honestly.
451
00:22:46,622 --> 00:22:48,662
- I prefer the veal.
- How about lobster?
452
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,302
Would you prefer lobster?
A couple of lobsters?
453
00:22:50,382 --> 00:22:52,502
It's frightfully good at the moment.
It's not expensive this week.
454
00:22:52,622 --> 00:22:56,902
We've got so much, we're having a sale
to try and shift it all. 75p each, two for £1.
455
00:22:56,982 --> 00:22:59,222
- Can't say fairer than that.
- Just the veal.
456
00:22:59,302 --> 00:23:01,262
If you like the veal...
Perhaps you'd prefer the chicken?
457
00:23:01,342 --> 00:23:03,182
Basil, he wants the veal.
458
00:23:03,262 --> 00:23:06,182
- Could I make a phone call?
- Yes, of course. Through here.
459
00:23:07,102 --> 00:23:08,902
What's all this about
rat poison on the veal?
460
00:23:08,982 --> 00:23:10,342
He's put rat poison on one,
461
00:23:10,422 --> 00:23:12,742
they've got mixed up,
and nobody knows which is which now.
462
00:23:12,822 --> 00:23:14,582
Well, what happened to the one the cat ate?
463
00:23:14,662 --> 00:23:16,742
- The cat?
- That's no good.
464
00:23:16,822 --> 00:23:19,342
- That might have poison on it too.
- Well, where is it?
465
00:23:19,422 --> 00:23:21,622
- What?
- Where's the cat's slice?
466
00:23:21,702 --> 00:23:23,422
Up here.
467
00:23:24,302 --> 00:23:26,342
Right. Now, how's the cat?
468
00:23:26,902 --> 00:23:28,622
How's the cat?
469
00:23:28,702 --> 00:23:31,422
We're about to take the life
of a public health inspector
470
00:23:31,502 --> 00:23:33,342
and you want to know "How's the cat?"
471
00:23:33,422 --> 00:23:35,302
It's gone to London to see the Queen!
472
00:23:35,382 --> 00:23:36,502
What are we going to do?
473
00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:37,782
- He's all right!
- Great!
474
00:23:37,862 --> 00:23:39,702
Hooray! Hooray! The cat lives!
475
00:23:39,782 --> 00:23:41,822
The cat lives! Long live the cat!
476
00:23:41,902 --> 00:23:43,302
What are we going to do?
477
00:23:43,382 --> 00:23:48,702
Mr Fawlty, if the cat is all right,
that means that slice is all right.
478
00:23:48,942 --> 00:23:51,142
- But how long would it take to work?
- That stuff? Two minutes.
479
00:23:51,222 --> 00:23:53,582
He had this 10 minutes ago at least.
480
00:23:53,662 --> 00:23:56,382
- It's a bit chewed there.
- I'll give it a trim.
481
00:23:59,622 --> 00:24:02,262
You're driving over to Babbacombe
this afternoon?
482
00:24:02,342 --> 00:24:03,822
Yes, we're...
483
00:24:05,342 --> 00:24:07,862
What is a plate of veal doing there?
484
00:24:08,862 --> 00:24:11,462
I'll just relieve you of it, shall I?
485
00:24:12,702 --> 00:24:13,862
Do sit down, Mr Carnegie.
486
00:24:13,942 --> 00:24:16,102
- He just has, Basil.
- On a plate of veal.
487
00:24:16,182 --> 00:24:17,302
- Has it put you off?
- What?
488
00:24:17,382 --> 00:24:18,542
Has it put you off the veal? At all?
489
00:24:18,622 --> 00:24:21,822
I'm not eating that one,
if that's what you mean.
490
00:24:21,902 --> 00:24:23,142
Stop! Halt!
491
00:24:23,222 --> 00:24:25,942
Sorry, I think there might be another one.
Excuse me.
492
00:24:26,022 --> 00:24:27,862
Ah, yes. Lucky guess.
493
00:24:29,582 --> 00:24:33,222
- Well, who's responsible for putting them there?
- Manuel, our Spanish waiter.
494
00:24:33,302 --> 00:24:34,622
Thank you.
495
00:24:34,702 --> 00:24:38,102
Now, would you care to take
a seat right here? Please.
496
00:24:38,702 --> 00:24:40,782
- Does he do it often?
- Oh, no, no.
497
00:24:40,862 --> 00:24:42,982
It's the first time.
Sometimes looks as if he's going to.
498
00:24:43,062 --> 00:24:44,342
We always catch him, of course.
499
00:24:44,422 --> 00:24:46,262
Here's your veal, Mr Carnegie,
500
00:24:46,342 --> 00:24:47,942
- And one green salad.
- Thank you.
501
00:24:48,022 --> 00:24:49,902
Ah, bon. Good appétit.
502
00:24:54,942 --> 00:24:56,582
Well done, Terry.
503
00:25:11,742 --> 00:25:14,462
Sorry, not hot enough.
504
00:25:16,662 --> 00:25:17,822
Not big enough, sorry.
505
00:25:17,902 --> 00:25:19,062
- What?
- Not big enough, sorry.
506
00:25:19,142 --> 00:25:21,142
Excuse me. Really, Polly!
507
00:25:27,782 --> 00:25:30,182
- What are you doing?
- Well, if that's the one, these are okay.
508
00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:31,782
- What?
- If that's the poison one,
509
00:25:31,862 --> 00:25:33,622
these are all right.
510
00:25:34,902 --> 00:25:36,222
Brilliant!
511
00:25:36,582 --> 00:25:39,302
- Great, right. Okay.
- Basil, what is going on?
512
00:25:39,382 --> 00:25:41,182
That was the poisoned one. The cat had it.
513
00:25:41,262 --> 00:25:42,862
- The cat!
- Poisoned?
514
00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,582
Yes, so that one must be okay, hmm?
515
00:25:47,302 --> 00:25:48,542
Basil...
516
00:25:48,702 --> 00:25:51,982
- Sorry, just getting you a proper sized one.
- It was big enough. It was all I wanted.
517
00:25:52,062 --> 00:25:53,182
Well, it could have been a bit hotter.
518
00:25:53,262 --> 00:25:55,262
- Well, not much, but...
- Look...
519
00:25:55,342 --> 00:25:56,782
Yes, yes. It's just coming.
Won't be a second.
520
00:25:56,862 --> 00:25:58,622
Manuel, would you...
521
00:26:00,382 --> 00:26:01,502
Here.
522
00:26:03,342 --> 00:26:05,422
- What?
- Look, he's all right. Look!
523
00:26:05,502 --> 00:26:06,942
- He can't be.
- Well, he is.
524
00:26:07,022 --> 00:26:08,022
Here ya are, Poll.
525
00:26:08,102 --> 00:26:09,822
- Oh.
- He can't be!
526
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:10,942
What do you mean?
527
00:26:11,022 --> 00:26:12,822
- He was vomiting.
- Vomiting?
528
00:26:15,822 --> 00:26:18,022
That's just fur balls, Basil.
529
00:26:18,102 --> 00:26:19,782
- What?
- That's just fur balls.
530
00:26:19,862 --> 00:26:21,422
He does that all the time in the summer.
531
00:26:21,502 --> 00:26:24,582
But... But if he's all
right, that one might...
532
00:26:24,902 --> 00:26:26,902
- Polly, Polly! Too much.
- What?
533
00:26:27,022 --> 00:26:30,702
Too much. Too much of a good thing always
leaves one wanting less, I always find.
534
00:26:30,782 --> 00:26:32,182
- Ugh.
- What's wrong now?
535
00:26:32,262 --> 00:26:33,302
We wouldn't want you to think
536
00:26:33,382 --> 00:26:35,302
that just because you were one
of her Majesty's civil servants,
537
00:26:35,382 --> 00:26:37,022
we were showing you any excess favouritism.
538
00:26:37,102 --> 00:26:38,142
I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
539
00:26:38,222 --> 00:26:40,942
Oh! So you're the rat inspector!
540
00:26:42,462 --> 00:26:45,222
Sorry, Fawlty! Starling inspector.
541
00:26:45,342 --> 00:26:47,102
Starling inspector?
542
00:26:52,422 --> 00:26:54,022
- One for you.
- Thank you.
543
00:26:54,102 --> 00:26:56,222
- And one for you.
- Thank you.
544
00:27:04,502 --> 00:27:06,502
- Do you mind?
- Qué?
545
00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:11,542
We'll have one Windsor
soup, one paté, please.
546
00:27:14,142 --> 00:27:16,062
- One Windsor...
- Shh!
547
00:27:18,062 --> 00:27:20,942
If the cat's slice is all right,
that might be the poisoned one.
548
00:27:21,022 --> 00:27:22,582
- No, no.
- Yes, he's right.
549
00:27:22,662 --> 00:27:24,822
- And if the cat's one is all right...
- Which it is.
550
00:27:24,902 --> 00:27:27,142
- We can give him that, can't we?
- Right!
551
00:27:27,222 --> 00:27:28,262
- Mr Fawlty?
- Shut up!
552
00:27:28,342 --> 00:27:31,062
- But, Terry, that's got things on it.
- That's all right, Mrs Fawlty.
553
00:27:31,142 --> 00:27:33,182
What the eye don't see,
the chef gets away with.
554
00:27:33,262 --> 00:27:34,262
- Mr Fawlty?
- What is it?
555
00:27:34,342 --> 00:27:35,382
Table seven!
556
00:27:35,462 --> 00:27:36,662
- What?
- Basil!
557
00:27:39,062 --> 00:27:40,462
Sorry, it's just coming.
558
00:27:40,542 --> 00:27:41,862
- Excuse me.
- Of course.
559
00:27:41,942 --> 00:27:43,702
Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon, madam.
560
00:27:43,822 --> 00:27:49,262
I was just trying to give an order to your waiter,
and he walked away while I was doing it.
561
00:27:50,702 --> 00:27:53,542
- Hmm?
- He wasn't paying attention at all.
562
00:27:56,382 --> 00:27:58,862
I'm so sorry. What were you saying?
563
00:27:59,102 --> 00:28:02,422
The waiter wasn't listening
when I was giving him our order.
564
00:28:02,502 --> 00:28:05,222
He seemed more interested
in my fiancée's legs.
565
00:28:05,622 --> 00:28:07,142
Really? May I?
566
00:28:11,502 --> 00:28:12,782
I don't think so.
567
00:28:12,862 --> 00:28:15,342
In fact, I think there's
a bread roll down there.
568
00:28:15,422 --> 00:28:17,542
- May I give my order?
- Oh, please. Of course.
569
00:28:17,622 --> 00:28:21,062
We'd like one Windsor soup
and one paté, and then a...
570
00:28:22,582 --> 00:28:24,462
Just doing my shoelace up.
571
00:28:24,542 --> 00:28:25,862
Are you going to take my order?
572
00:28:25,982 --> 00:28:29,662
Yes. Polly, would you take...
Take the order here, please, on this table?
573
00:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,382
Thank you so much.
574
00:28:31,982 --> 00:28:34,022
We'd like one Windsor soup.
575
00:28:34,102 --> 00:28:35,262
One Windsor.
576
00:28:35,342 --> 00:28:37,342
- One paté.
- He's there, he's there.
577
00:28:37,422 --> 00:28:38,502
- What?
- They're there.
578
00:28:38,582 --> 00:28:40,342
- What do you mean, "They're there"?
- It's all there.
579
00:28:40,422 --> 00:28:44,142
There, there, there, and there.
All there for your enjoyment.
580
00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:45,262
And one paté?
581
00:28:45,342 --> 00:28:46,902
Manuel, would you get
the bread roll, please?
582
00:28:46,982 --> 00:28:49,102
No, no, no. Get the box!
583
00:28:49,422 --> 00:28:51,502
We have a box, a bread box.
584
00:28:51,582 --> 00:28:54,462
For any bread that has gone past its prime.
585
00:28:54,542 --> 00:28:56,902
- And you'd both like the...
- The veal.
586
00:28:56,982 --> 00:28:59,062
The veal's off, I'm afraid.
587
00:28:59,182 --> 00:29:00,982
How can it be? You've only just started.
588
00:29:01,062 --> 00:29:02,702
- Shh, shh!
- Don't "shh" me!
589
00:29:02,782 --> 00:29:07,342
Sorry, but the veal is, in fact, off.
It was never really on. That's a misprint.
590
00:29:07,422 --> 00:29:09,862
- A misprint?
- Yes. It should say...
591
00:29:10,182 --> 00:29:11,222
Eel.
592
00:29:12,182 --> 00:29:13,422
Eel scallop...
593
00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:16,462
Oh, stop it, will you? Just leave it!
Wait until after the meal!
594
00:29:16,542 --> 00:29:19,462
No. We have to get it, I'm afraid.
Health regulations, before it moulds.
595
00:29:19,542 --> 00:29:20,622
Well, I'll get it then.
596
00:29:20,702 --> 00:29:23,622
No, no! Please. Please, allow us.
All part of the service.
597
00:29:23,702 --> 00:29:26,662
So that's one paté, and one Windsor...soup!
598
00:29:31,262 --> 00:29:35,062
Here's your veal, Mr Carnegie.
Sorry for the delay.
599
00:29:35,382 --> 00:29:38,982
- He's just been given veal!
- Uh, no, no. That's veal substitute.
600
00:29:39,062 --> 00:29:40,742
- Veal substitute?
- It's not very good.
601
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:43,302
It got rather held up on the boat.
On the way over from...
602
00:29:43,382 --> 00:29:44,502
- Japan.
- Norway.
603
00:29:44,582 --> 00:29:46,342
It's a sort of a...
604
00:29:46,622 --> 00:29:51,102
Japo-Scandinavian imitation veal substitute,
and I'm afraid that's the last slice, anyway.
605
00:29:51,182 --> 00:29:53,422
- We're leaving.
- Okay, if you insist.
606
00:29:53,502 --> 00:29:55,222
By all means. Be my guest. Thank you.
607
00:29:55,302 --> 00:29:56,342
I want a taxi.
608
00:29:56,422 --> 00:29:59,262
- Polly, would you arrange a taxi, please?
- It's in the bag.
609
00:29:59,342 --> 00:30:00,702
- Is your veal...
- In her bag!
610
00:30:00,782 --> 00:30:01,862
In her bag?
611
00:30:01,942 --> 00:30:03,262
- What?
- Excuse me.
612
00:30:05,342 --> 00:30:09,542
- Do you know where you're going to?
- Can you recommend a restaurant?
613
00:30:09,902 --> 00:30:12,182
Yes, of course. What sort of...
614
00:30:12,342 --> 00:30:14,742
Where is somewhere that serves
really good veal, Polly?
615
00:30:14,822 --> 00:30:16,822
- Somewhere in the...
- Oh, veal. Yes, of course.
616
00:30:16,902 --> 00:30:20,422
A really good restaurant.
Wait, just a minute, because I...
617
00:30:20,502 --> 00:30:24,062
I do remember a place
where I had some really good veal once.
618
00:30:24,142 --> 00:30:27,902
Only I just can't think of the name of it...
It was, umm... Ooh!
619
00:30:27,982 --> 00:30:29,582
La-di-da.
620
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:32,662
Did you see Annie Hall?
621
00:30:33,342 --> 00:30:34,702
La-di-da.
622
00:30:34,782 --> 00:30:36,142
Annie who?
623
00:30:37,182 --> 00:30:38,462
What are you doing?
624
00:30:38,542 --> 00:30:40,782
- What?
- He had his hand in my bag!
625
00:30:40,862 --> 00:30:42,062
- What?
- No, no, I...
626
00:30:42,142 --> 00:30:43,222
You know something?
627
00:30:43,302 --> 00:30:46,582
You're getting my dander up,
you grotty little man!
628
00:30:47,182 --> 00:30:49,062
You're asking for a bunch of fives!
629
00:30:49,142 --> 00:30:50,822
- Bomb scare!
- What?
630
00:30:51,462 --> 00:30:52,502
There's been a bomb scare.
631
00:30:52,582 --> 00:30:53,862
- A bomb scare?
- Yes.
632
00:30:53,982 --> 00:30:57,102
Yes. That's why he was searching in your bag.
He didn't want to alarm you.
633
00:30:57,182 --> 00:30:58,902
- May I?
- Well, I don't...
634
00:30:58,982 --> 00:31:00,102
Just one moment.
635
00:31:00,182 --> 00:31:02,542
- We had a call, you see.
- Well, shouldn't you get everybody out?
636
00:31:02,662 --> 00:31:07,742
That's why we were looking under your table.
We just didn't want to draw attention...
637
00:31:13,302 --> 00:31:14,662
Uh, waiter.
638
00:31:16,622 --> 00:31:18,982
- Waiter?
- Un momentito.
639
00:31:25,182 --> 00:31:26,302
Sí?
640
00:31:26,382 --> 00:31:29,422
Some cheese and biscuits
and a coffee, please.
641
00:31:36,142 --> 00:31:38,702
- Anything to follow?
- I've ordered some cheese and a coffee.
642
00:31:38,782 --> 00:31:41,222
- Certainly.
- Coffee, please, Sybil.
643
00:31:41,502 --> 00:31:43,542
Here we are, Mr Carnegie.
644
00:31:43,822 --> 00:31:45,502
Polly, would you get the biscuits, please?
645
00:31:45,582 --> 00:31:47,422
Here they are, Fawlty.
646
00:31:47,502 --> 00:31:49,542
Cheddar, Danish bleu, Edam?
647
00:31:49,622 --> 00:31:51,022
A little Danish bleu, please.
648
00:31:51,102 --> 00:31:52,502
Certainly.
649
00:31:58,702 --> 00:32:00,422
- Edam?
- No, thank you.
650
00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:01,742
Biscuits?
651
00:32:14,822 --> 00:32:17,382
Would you care for rat?
652
00:32:19,462 --> 00:32:22,142
Just the biscuits then, please, Polly.
653
00:32:27,582 --> 00:32:29,102
Black or white?
654
00:32:31,022 --> 00:32:33,262
- Black or white?
- Black, please.
655
00:32:33,342 --> 00:32:35,822
- Was that a...
- There we are.
656
00:32:36,342 --> 00:32:38,222
Here are the biscuits.
657
00:32:38,862 --> 00:32:41,342
Cream crackers, digestives, Ryvita?
658
00:32:45,022 --> 00:32:47,662
I'm afraid it's started to rain again.