1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,004 >>> NO PERSON HAVING RECEIVED A 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:11,845 MAJORITY OF THE VOTES CAST, A SPEAKER HAS NOT BEEN ELECTED. 3 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:19,285 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> NO. 4 00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:22,255 NO. NO, I DIDN'T WIN, HONEY. 5 00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:23,690 NO. NOT THIS TIME EITHER. 6 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:27,394 NO, IT'S OKAY. NO, I'M FEELING GOOD. 7 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:30,663 OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME, SWEETIE. 8 00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:31,297 OKAY. BYE BYE. 9 00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:42,709 BYE BYE. >> MR. JORDAN, DO YOU NEED 10 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,146 ANOTHER PHONE? >> YES, KAYLA, PLEASE. 11 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:50,183 HOW DID I LOSE? THIS IS CHAOS. 12 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:53,987 SOME OF US ARE HERE TO ACTUALLY SERVE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. 13 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:58,158 ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET CONGRESS BACK TO WORK SO I CAN SHUT IT 14 00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:02,962 DOWN AGAIN. >> YOU'LL GET THERE, SIR. 15 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:06,966 IN THE MEANTIME, THERE'S SOMEONE HERE WHO WANTS TO CHEER YOU UP. 16 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:13,573 >> HI, JIM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 17 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:18,478 WHAT THE HECK. >> GEORGE SANTOS? 18 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:22,982 WHY DO YOU HAVE A BABY? >> NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW. 19 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:25,952 HEY, HON, CAN YOU TAKE THIS? >> WHERE? 20 00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:29,789 >> JUST PUT HIM IN AN UBER. JIM, I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW 21 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:34,494 SORRY I AM, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW I VOTED FOR YOU, AND GET 22 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:41,468 THIS, SO DID SHASHONNA LOGGINS. >> WHO'S THAT? 23 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:45,572 >> ALSO ME. >> I APPRECIATE THAT, GEORGE, 24 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:47,807 BUT I'M NOT READY TO GIVE UP. OKAY? 25 00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:53,313 DO YOU THINK IF ONE MORE TIME I TRY, I COULD BE ELECTED SPEAKER? 26 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:57,550 >> I WOULD BE LYING IF I SAID YES, SO, YES. 27 00:01:57,550 --> 00:02:00,453 >> OKAY, GEORGE. THANK YOU FOR COMING. 28 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,889 BUT I HAVE A LOT ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW. 29 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,724 >> OF COURSE. OH. 30 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:08,461 I HAVE TO TAKE THIS. IT'S TUPAC. 31 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:15,068 GIRL, I KNOW. JADA IS CRAZY. 32 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:19,739 >> OH, MY GOD. NONE OF THAT MADE ME FEEL 33 00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:22,575 BETTER. >> MR. JORDAN, THERE'S ANOTHER 34 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:25,645 ONE OF YOUR SUPPORTERS ON LINE TWO. 35 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,615 >> GREAT. I'LL TAKE WHOEVER I CAN GET. 36 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,250 HELLO? >> HI, JIM. 37 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:34,921 IT'S YOUR FELLOW MEMBER OF THE FREEDOM CAUCUS, LAUREN BOEBERT. 38 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,757 >> OH, LAUREN, HI. IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY. 39 00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:41,094 >> JIM, LOOK, THINGS ARE GOING EXACTLY AS PLANNED. 40 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:44,464 JUST KEEP RUNNING FOR SPEAKER, AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T WIN, 41 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:47,600 GREAT, THE GOVERNMENT SHUTS DOWN, AND WE BLOW THIS WHOLE 42 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,469 THING UP. STOP, STOP. 43 00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:52,339 OH, MY GOD. >> SORRY. 44 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,573 ARE YOU OUT SOMEWHERE? >> YEAH. 45 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:56,976 I GOT TO GO. I'M AT THE THEATER SEEING 46 00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:58,645 ALADDIN. GOOD LUCK, JIM. 47 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,948 >> OH, GOD. WHAT A NIGHT. 48 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:05,685 I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. I'M JUST SO CLOSE. 49 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:12,892 I ONLY NEED, WHAT, 100 VOTES? >> KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. 50 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:18,598 IS THIS THE LOSER'S OFFICE? >> MR. PRESIDENT, I'M SO GLAD 51 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:21,534 YOU'RE HERE. YOU ENDORSED ME, AND THEN YOU 52 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,938 JUST KIND OF DISAPPEARED. >> YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I 53 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,440 PREFER THE JORDANS WHO WIN, OKAY? 54 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,978 LIKE THE GREAT MICHAEL JORDAN OR THE EVEN GREATER JORDIN SPARKS. 55 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:36,316 NO AIR, REMEMBER THAT? NOW THAT WAS A SONG. 56 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,953 TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIR. 57 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,287 YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T DO IT. 58 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,958 BUT, JIM, I STILL LIKE YOU. NOT LIKE-LIKE. 59 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:48,228 IT'S MORE LIKE NOT-LIKE. LIKE, I DON'T LIKE YOU AT ALL. 60 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,397 PART OF IT'S THE JACKET. IT'S THE LACK OF THE JACKET. 61 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:57,470 YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK LIKE THE NIGHT MANAGER 62 00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:00,106 AT A TWO STAR STEAK HOUSE. >> I UNDERSTAND, SIR. 63 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,043 I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT BEFORE. >> BUT PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT I 64 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,545 WOULD MAKE A GREAT SPEAKER. >> I MEAN, YOU WOULD, SIR. 65 00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:09,582 >> IT'S TRUE. BUT SADLY I'LL BE TOO BUSY 66 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:12,118 CAMPAIGNING, TRAVELING FROM CITY TO CITY VISITING THEIR BEAUTIFUL 67 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:15,755 COURTROOMS, YOU KNOW. BUT I'M DOING GREAT THINGS FOR 68 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:19,059 THE COURTS. DOING GREAT THINGS FOR THE 69 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,062 COURTS. >> THIS IS ALL JUST SO 70 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:25,065 FRUSTRATING, SIR. I DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD DO, 71 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,834 INTIMIDATION, THREATS. WHY DIDN'T IT WORK? 72 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,236 >> BECAUSE FRANKLY, YOU'RE NOT ME, OKAY? 73 00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:32,939 YOU'RE NO FUN. I'M HILARIOUS, OKAY? 74 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:38,611 I'M A CREEP, I'M A WEIRDO. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE? 75 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,181 THEY DON'T PLAY CREEP ANYMORE. YOU NOTICE THAT? 76 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:45,885 EVERYBODY ELSE DOES IT, BUT RADIO DOESN'T DO IT. 77 00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:48,855 YOU'RE LITTLE JIM JORDAN. I'M DONALD TRUMP, OKAY? 78 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,690 I'M COKE. YOU'RE SHASTA. 79 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,293 >> BUT YOU ENDORSED ME, AND I STILL LOST. 80 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:57,797 >> SEEMS TO HAPPEN A LOT. IT'S HAPPENING A LOT, BUT THAT'S 81 00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,199 OKAY. YOU CAN'T GIVE UP, ALL RIGHT? 82 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,035 YOU CAN'T GIVE UP BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA. 83 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,939 IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY IN THE WORLD FILLED WITH SOME 84 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:09,209 TERRIBLE PEOPLE, SOME AWFUL PEOPLE, SOME OF THE WORST PEOPLE 85 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,910 YOU'VE EVER SEEN, BUT WE LOVE IT. 86 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:14,080 WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NATION IT IS. WHAT A WONDERFUL NATION. 87 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,049 NOT SO MUCH IN TERMS OF THE PEOPLE. 88 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,652 PEOPLE ARE VERY BAD AND WEIRD. DON'T WE LOVE OUR COUNTRY? 89 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,689 WHAT AN AWFUL PLACE IT IS. >> GOT IT. 90 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:26,760 SO DO YOU THINK I CAN WIN? >> HONESTLY, I COULDN'T CARE 91 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,728 LESS. BUT SOON, I'LL BE BACK IN 92 00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:33,500 PRESIDENT, AND DON'T YOU WORRY, JIM, I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU. 93 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,535 OH, YES, YOU WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF. 94 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,237 >> ALL RIGHT. I DON'T LOVE THE WAY YOU'RE 95 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,673 SAYING THAT, BUT LIVE -- >> HOLD IT. 96 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,641 THAT'S NOT FOR LOSERS. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 97 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:45,345 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! 98 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:56,256 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" WITH -- 99 00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:34,120 FEATURING -- 100 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,457 FEATURING -- A FILM BY PLEASE DON'T DESTROY. 101 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,864 HOST AND MUSICAL GUEST, BAD BUNNY. 102 00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:16,029 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK 103 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:22,702 YOU VERY MUCH. MY NAME IS BENITO, AND I'M VERY 104 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:28,842 EXCITED TO BE HERE ON -- SABADO GIGANTE 105 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:37,951 OH, SORRY. SNL, SNL. 106 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:41,554 PEOPLE ARE WONDERING IF I CAN HOST THIS SHOW BECAUSE ENGLISH 107 00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:46,259 IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY KNOW, BUT I 108 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:52,098 DO WHATEVER I WANT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 109 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:57,570 YEAH. SO I CAN HOST THIS SHOW IN 110 00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:58,738 ENGLISH. I CAN ORDER McDONALD'S IN 111 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:06,813 ENGLISH. I CAN HAVE SEX IN ENGLISH. 112 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:10,016 YEAH. BUT I PREFER SEX IN SPANISH 113 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:17,557 BECAUSE IT'S JUST BETTER. I JUST PREFER SPANISH, YOU KNOW. 114 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:22,696 YOU KNOW OKAY. 115 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:26,866 OKAY. OKAY. 116 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:41,414 NOT AGAIN, PLEASE. NOT AGAIN. 117 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,382 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] EXCUSE ME. 118 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:49,322 CAN WE CHANGE THAT? CAN WE DO IT RIGHT? 119 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,190 THANK YOU. NOW, MUCH BETTER. 120 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:55,362 THANK YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T TRUST ON 121 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,965 THIS THING. SO I WANT TO BRING UP MY FRIEND 122 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:02,936 TO HELP. PEDRO. 123 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:16,950 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> SO YOU -- YOU WANT ME TO -- 124 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:21,087 DO YOU WANT ME TO TRANSLATE? >> WHAT? 125 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:25,625 >> WHAT? >> YOU WANT ME TO TRANSLATE? 126 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:51,384 >> YES. 127 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:55,922 >> OKAY. HE SAYS I'M BLESSED TO BE HERE 128 00:10:55,922 --> 00:11:03,530 WITH MY FAVORITE ACTOR, PEDRO PASCAL. 129 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,466 [ APPLAUSE ] >> I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, 130 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,568 PEDRO. I KNOW. 131 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,771 BUT CAN YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME ADVICE ON MY MONOLOGUE? 132 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:15,642 >> WELL, I DID HOST LAST SEASON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 133 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:18,445 AND WHEN YOU'RE DOING A MONOLOGUE, I FIND IT'S ALWAYS 134 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:22,082 CHARMING WHEN YOU MAKE A SELF-DEPRECATING JOKE. 135 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,917 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> OKAY. 136 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:28,488 IT'S LIKE YOU MAKE A JOKE ABOUT A PART OF YOUR BODY OR YOUR FACE 137 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:34,094 THAT'S UNFLATTERING. >> I DON'T HAVE ANY. 138 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:38,264 >> TOTALLY. ME EITHER. 139 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:42,268 YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WORKS? AUDIENCES LOVE IT WHEN YOU SHOW 140 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,337 AN EMBARRASSING PHOTO OF YOURSELF. 141 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:50,377 >> OKAY. I CAN DO THAT. 142 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,612 >> I'M SORRY. HOW IS THAT EMBARRASSING? 143 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,415 >> BECAUSE I FORGOT TO PUT ON CLOTHES. 144 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,385 >> OKAY. THERE'S CLEARLY NOTHING ABOUT 145 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:02,789 YOU TO MAKE FUN OF. WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL EVERYONE 146 00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:10,296 WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY? >> WELL, I WANT TO SAY I'M VERY 147 00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,498 GRATEFUL TO BE HERE. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO 148 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:15,168 SUPPORTS ME, AND EVERYONE WHO LISTENS TO MY MUSIC. 149 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,936 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] WE HAVE AN AMAZING SHOW FOR YOU 150 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,072 TONIGHT. I'M HERE. 151 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,708 STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 152 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,153 >>> ALL RIGHT. 153 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,791 HOW WE FEELING TONIGHT, DETROIT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> LET'S GO, LET'S GO. 154 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:46,166 >> YO, YO, IT'S TIME FOR THE BARMAGEDDON FINAL 23 BATTLE OF THE NIGHT. 155 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:51,805 WE GOT THE CHALLENGER WALTER WHITE BOY VERSUS THE THREE-TIME CHAMPION, THE SPITTER OF FIRE, 156 00:12:51,805 --> 00:13:03,516 THE CHICO FROM PUERTO RICO, EL FUEGO. SO HOW'S YOUR FLOW FEELING 157 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:09,656 TONIGHT, FUEGO? >> CALIENTE, POPPY. >> THAT'S WHAT'S UP. 158 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:16,496 MCs, TAKE A MINUTE, FOCUS UP, AND WE'LL GET THIS THING GOING. >> THERE'S NO WAY I CAN BEAT 159 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,265 FUEGO. >> STOP SPINNING, MAN, YOU GOT THIS. 160 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:25,071 >> I CAN THINK OF A THOUSAND THINGS THIS DUDE CAN CLOWN ON ME FOR, MAN. 161 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:30,076 >> HEY, SO CLOWN YOURSELF FIRST. SAY EVERYTHING HE CAN SAY ABOUT YOU BEFORE HE DOES. 162 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:34,547 SNATCH HIS POWER, MAN. >> YO. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 163 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:41,287 LET'S GET OUR MCs OVER HERE. COME ON, WALTER WHITE BOY. YOU UP FIRST. 164 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:47,894 DJ, DROP THAT BEAT. >> YEAH. GET OVER HERE, FUEGO. 165 00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:52,265 >> YEAH. GET OVER HERE, FUEGO. YO, FUEGO, TONIGHT I KNOW YOU 166 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:55,301 EVERYTHING BAD YOU GON' SAY 167 00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:59,572 ABOUT ME, IMMA SAY IT FIRST. YEAH, I'M WHITE TRASH. 168 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:05,779 YEAH MY JORDANS IS FAKE. YEAH I LIVE WITH MY MOM AND HER 169 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:11,117 METH HEAD BOYFRIEND JAKE. YEAH WE LIVE IN A BUSTED 170 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:15,121 WINNABEGO, BUT I'M STILL UP HERE SCREAMING I CAN'T ASCARED OF 171 00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,558 YOU, FUEGO. >> OH, DAMN. 172 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:23,296 WHITE BOY GOT BARS. >> YO WITH, FOR EVERY BAR HE GOT 173 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:28,368 ON ME, I GOT A DOZEN. LIKE HOW MY FIRST KISS WAS WITH 174 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,903 MY FIRST COUSIN. THAT'S RIGHT. 175 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:33,440 AND MY SECOND KISS TOO. WE DID ALL THE BASES BECAUSE WE 176 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,878 SECRETLY DATED, BOO. BUT WALTER WHITE BOY, THAT'S 177 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:43,883 INCEST, THOUGH. >> YEAH, BITCH, I KNOW. 178 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:49,589 >> MAYBE PULL IT BACK. >> UH-OH, FUEGO. 179 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:53,693 YOU HAVE BARS ABOUT MY COUSIN? >> I WAS NOT AWARE OF ANY OF 180 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,929 THAT. >> BUT THAT STUFF NOT EVEN HALF 181 00:14:55,929 --> 00:15:01,267 AS BAD AS WHEN MY ASS GOT CAT FISHED BY MY OWN DAD. 182 00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:04,270 IT'S A LONG STORY, SO I WON'T GET DRAMATIC. 183 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:08,675 ALL YOU GOT TO KNOW IS IT WAS MAD TRAUMATIC. 184 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:14,914 SO QUESTION, FUEGO, WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT OLD GAME? 185 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:20,053 HERE'S A BETTER QUESTION, BITCH, WHAT'S MY NAME? 186 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:23,723 >> I'M SO SORRY YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THAT. 187 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,093 >> I SAID, BITCH, WHAT'S MY NAME. 188 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,729 >> IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, I'M HERE FOR YOU. 189 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:33,166 >> OKAY. Y'ALL WANT SOME MORE? 190 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:36,236 >> NOT REALLY. >> I'M KIND OF ENJOYING IT. 191 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,471 >> OH, YEAH. WHITE GUY LIKES IT. 192 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,774 ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S UP? 193 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,675 YOU WANT SOME MORE? >> NO. 194 00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:45,412 HE CAN JUST WIN. >> OKAY, YEAH, NICE TRY. 195 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:48,848 NOT SO FAST. HE ABOUT TO PUT MY BODY ON 196 00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,484 BLAST. I AIN'T GOT NO BALLS, YO, I 197 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:57,557 HEARD THAT BEFORE. SO LET'S COUNT MY NUTS, FUEGO, 198 00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:01,161 ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. YEAH, I'VE GOT FOUR TESTIES, AND 199 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:05,365 THE GIRLS DO NOT LOVE IT. WHEN YOU GOT TWO NUTS BELOW YOUR 200 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:10,603 THING AND TWO NUTS ABOVE IT. >> MAYBE STOP. 201 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:16,509 >> ALL RIGHT. YO, BUT I'M NOT EMBARRASSED AS A 202 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,078 MATTER OF FACT BECAUSE I ALWAYS GOT FRIENDS WHO ALWAYS GOT MY 203 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:23,783 BACK. >> THEY LEFT. 204 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:27,387 >> OKAY. YO, WALTER WHITE BOY JUST SAID 205 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:31,758 IT ALL. WOW, NOW TELL ME, FUEGO, WHAT 206 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:38,631 YOU GONNA DO TO ME NOW? >> IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 207 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:42,302 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 208 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:45,972 >> MAN, THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU, FUEGO. 209 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,607 OH, MY GOD. WHAT A GENTLEMAN. 210 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:51,811 IT'S OBVIOUS, Y'ALL, FUEGO WINS, RIGHT? 211 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:58,184 FUEGO? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 212 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:59,859 >>> ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. IT IS TIME FOR THE CLIMACTIC 213 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:06,099 SHOWDOWN BETWEEN TOMAS PADILLA AND HIS OLDER BROTHER FRANCISCO. 214 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,568 SAVE IT FOR THE CAMERAS, YOU TWO. 215 00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:14,441 IN THIS SCENE, TOMAS WILL CONFRONT FRANCISCO, THEN THE 216 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:19,179 MAID ENTERS WITH A LETTER THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING. 217 00:21:19,179 --> 00:21:19,813 OKAY? PLACES. 218 00:21:19,813 --> 00:21:21,548 >> "EL PASION de las PADILLAS" SCENE 12, TAKE ONE. 219 00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:25,618 HAVE FUN, EVERYBODY. >> AND ACTION! 220 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:50,744 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 221 00:21:50,744 --> 00:21:55,982 >> YEAH, UM -- [ ATTEMPTING SPANISH] 222 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:58,485 >> CUT! OKAY. 223 00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:01,821 SOME REALLY GREAT STUFF IN THERE, GUYS. 224 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:04,758 FRANCISCO, I LOVE IT. >> OH, THANK YOU. 225 00:22:04,758 --> 00:22:07,627 >> NOW, YOUR LINE. >> YEAH, WHAT'S UP? 226 00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:10,764 >> MAYBE SOME PRONUNCIATION ISSUES THERE. 227 00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:17,937 >> OH, THAT MAKES SENSE. I DON'T SPEAK NO SPANISH. 228 00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:22,609 >> YOU DON'T SPEAK SPANISH? >> NO, BUT I ONLY GOT ONE LINE. 229 00:22:22,609 --> 00:22:26,946 I'LL FIGURE IT OUT. >> ALL RIGHT. 230 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:31,951 >> "EL PASION de las PADILLAS" SCENE 12 TAKE TWO, B, AS IN BABY 231 00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:35,655 YOU'RE A STAR. >> AND ACTION! 232 00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:57,444 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] >> YEAH, UM -- 233 00:22:57,444 --> 00:23:06,720 [ ATTEMPTING SPANISH] HUH? 234 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:11,658 LOOK, I'M NOT TRYING TO BE A BITCH, BUT ON THE REAL, WHAT THE 235 00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:14,527 HELL AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT? >> I DON'T KNOW. 236 00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:17,831 YOU MADE YOUR LINE LONGER. RANDY, WHAT HAPPENED HERE? 237 00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:20,066 THIS WOMAN DOES NOT SPEAK SPANISH. 238 00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:25,538 >> I'M NOT SURE, SIR. THE CASTING CLEARLY SAID LATINA. 239 00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:27,574 >> WHO NOT LATINA? I AM LATINA. 240 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,976 >> OH, YOU ARE? >> YEAH. 241 00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:34,647 MY NAME IS LATINA JEFFERSON. >> OH, MY GOD. 242 00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,082 OKAY. WELL, THIS IS CLEARLY NOT GOING 243 00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:42,622 TO WORK. >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 244 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:48,628 I KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO BREAK INTO THIS BUSINESS, SO CAN WE 245 00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:51,464 GIVE LATINA ONE MORE CHANCE, PLEASE? 246 00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:55,168 >> ALL RIGHT. FINE. 247 00:23:55,168 --> 00:24:00,440 >> "EL PASION de las PADILLAS" SCENE 12, TAKE TWO. 248 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:09,082 C, AS IN SEIZE THE DAY. >> AND ACTION! 249 00:24:09,082 --> 00:24:28,068 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] >> UM, EXCUSE ME. 250 00:24:28,068 --> 00:24:30,937 CUT. DID HE JUST CALL ME A NEGRO? 251 00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:35,508 >> NO, NO, NO. NEGRO MEANS BLACK. 252 00:24:35,508 --> 00:24:39,479 >> OH, NO, I KNOW WHAT IT MEAN. AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM. 253 00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:42,215 >> IT'S THE COLOR BLACK, NOT THE PEOPLE BLACK. 254 00:24:42,215 --> 00:24:46,386 >> OH, OKAY. WELL, IT'S GETTING CONFUSING FOR 255 00:24:46,386 --> 00:24:47,087 LATINA. >> OKAY. 256 00:24:47,087 --> 00:24:56,429 STILL ROLLING. [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 257 00:24:56,429 --> 00:25:09,175 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 258 00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:38,838 >> OH, DAMN, PAPA IS HOT. [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 259 00:25:38,838 --> 00:25:43,443 >> NO! TOMAS. 260 00:25:43,443 --> 00:25:48,181 [ ATTEMPTING SPANISH] >> WHO THE HELL IS THIS? 261 00:25:48,181 --> 00:25:53,353 >> I'M LATINA JEFFERSON, BABY. AND GUESS WHAT, I GOT MY OWN 262 00:25:53,353 --> 00:25:59,459 MONEY, AND I'M MAKING MY OWN DAMN SHOW. 263 00:26:06,299 --> 00:26:13,573 >>> I DON'T KNOW IF I NEED IT. >> HI. 264 00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:17,544 >> HEY. WHOA. 265 00:26:17,544 --> 00:26:19,713 SHREK. >> YEAH, I'M SHREK. 266 00:26:19,713 --> 00:26:26,086 >> COOL. SO IS THIS FOR THE SHOW? 267 00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:28,088 DO YOU WANT TO DO LIKE A SHREK THING? 268 00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:32,125 >> I MEAN, MAYBE. THAT SOUNDS FINE. 269 00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:37,497 >> I GUESS WE COULD WRITE YOU A SHREK SKETCH. 270 00:26:37,497 --> 00:26:42,802 MAYBE SHREK WORKS IN AN OFFICE. >> WELL, SHREK LIVE IN THE 271 00:26:42,802 --> 00:26:43,636 SWAMP. >> RIGHT. 272 00:26:43,636 --> 00:26:49,476 HE LIVE IN THE SWAMP. DO YOU WANT US TO DO A SHREK 273 00:26:49,476 --> 00:26:51,911 SKETCH? >> OR A MOVIE? 274 00:26:51,911 --> 00:26:55,682 >> BROTHER, YOU'RE IN A FULL ASS SHREK COSTUME RIGHT NOW, SO I 275 00:26:55,682 --> 00:26:57,851 THINK YOU WANT TO DO A SHREK THING. 276 00:26:57,851 --> 00:27:01,421 >> YOU SAID SHREK FIRST. >> BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE 277 00:27:01,421 --> 00:27:03,123 COSTUME. >> IS DONKEY COMING? 278 00:27:03,123 --> 00:27:07,160 >> IS DONKEY COMING? >> RELAX, MAN. 279 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,196 >> I'M SAYING, I DIDN'T INVITE DONKEY. 280 00:27:10,196 --> 00:27:14,200 DID YOU? >> LET'S START FROM SQUARE ONE. 281 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,636 SO YOU LOVE THE SHREK MOVIES? >> NOT REALLY. 282 00:27:16,636 --> 00:27:22,042 >> I DON'T EVEN CARE. >> I WROTE A SCRIPT. 283 00:27:22,042 --> 00:27:25,345 YOU ARE DONKEY, YOU ARE PUSS IN BOOTS, AND YOU ARE -- 284 00:27:25,345 --> 00:27:28,548 >> LET ME GUESS -- >> MICHAEL JACKSON. 285 00:27:28,548 --> 00:27:32,118 >> WHY AM I MICHAEL JACKSON IN YOUR SHREK MOVIE? 286 00:27:32,118 --> 00:27:35,955 >> HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER. >> SHOULDN'T YOU BE PUSS IN 287 00:27:35,955 --> 00:27:38,425 BOOTS IF ANYONE -- TOTALLY. YOU'RE SHREK. 288 00:27:38,425 --> 00:27:40,293 LET'S READ IT. >> OPEN ON SHREK OFFICE. 289 00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:45,331 >> DUDE, WHEN I SUGGESTED OFFICE, YOU SAID NO BECAUSE 290 00:27:45,331 --> 00:27:49,636 SHREK LIVES IN THE SWAMP. >> MARK, JUST READ THE SCRIPT, 291 00:27:49,636 --> 00:27:50,337 MAN. >> SHREK -- 292 00:27:50,337 --> 00:27:54,240 >> DO IT LIKE DONKEY. >> I'M NOT DOING IT LIKE DONKEY. 293 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,243 >> JUST DO IT LIKE DONKEY. >> SHREK! 294 00:27:57,243 --> 00:28:01,381 >> PERFECT. MICHAEL JACKSON ENTERS. 295 00:28:01,381 --> 00:28:05,018 >> I CAN'T DO THIS, MAN. >> YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST FORGET 296 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:06,486 IT. >> BONITO, WAIT. 297 00:28:06,486 --> 00:28:08,321 YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS, HE'S THE HOST. 298 00:28:08,321 --> 00:28:17,263 LET'S DO THIS. >> I AM PUSS IN BOOT. 299 00:28:17,263 --> 00:28:20,867 >> I WANT TO MAKE EVERYONE IN THE SWAMP HAPPY. 300 00:28:20,867 --> 00:28:24,738 >> GOOD, JOHN. I NEVER HAVE A LOVER AS GOOD AS 301 00:28:24,738 --> 00:28:27,307 YOU, DONKEY. >> THE TEST RESULTS CAME BACK, 302 00:28:27,307 --> 00:28:31,644 AND I GOT CANCER, SHREK. >> DONKEY, NO! 303 00:28:31,644 --> 00:28:34,781 >> BUT YOU'RE BECOMING MY BEST FRIEND. 304 00:28:34,781 --> 00:28:37,283 >> SHREK. >> SHREK TAKES ONE LAST LOOK AT 305 00:28:37,283 --> 00:28:40,253 HIS FRIENDS. IT'S THE ONLY WAY. 306 00:28:40,253 --> 00:28:47,627 WITH THAT, SHREK DETACHES THE FINAL ESCAPE POD, FALLING INTO 307 00:28:47,627 --> 00:28:49,062 THE SUN. IT EXPLODES INTO SAND. 308 00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:54,567 LOVE. >> OH, MY GOD. 309 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:56,870 BONITO, THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. >> YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS. 310 00:28:56,870 --> 00:29:00,306 >> EH, I DON|T LIKE IT DON|T LIKE THIS 311 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:19,059 NEUVA YORK BAD BUNNY! 312 00:29:19,059 --> 00:29:37,377 ** * BABY, YO SÉ 313 00:29:37,377 --> 00:29:40,046 QUE CUANDO TE PRUEBE * * YO ME VO'A ENAMORAR 314 00:29:40,046 --> 00:30:09,042 QUE DE ESA CARITA * [ SINGING SPANISH ] 315 00:30:09,042 --> 00:30:27,961 * ENAMORARME DE NUEVO [ SINGING SPANISH ] 316 00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:34,467 * DIABLO MAMI QUÉ BELLAQUERA ME ESTUVISTE MIRANDO * 317 00:30:34,467 --> 00:30:35,802 VO'A TRATAR DE AFUERA * * PERO PA' DENTRO ES QUE VA 318 00:30:35,802 --> 00:30:37,337 MAMI TÚ ME TIENE' * * CON LA NOTA ELEVÁ' 319 00:30:37,337 --> 00:30:38,938 LLEGASTE SOLTERA * * Y TE FUISTE ENJEVÁ' 320 00:30:38,938 --> 00:30:42,575 SE VINO TRES VECE' * * POR ESO NO SE VA EY 321 00:30:42,575 --> 00:30:45,779 AHORA MI ES TUYO * * A MÁS NADIE VO'A DÁRSELO 322 00:30:45,779 --> 00:30:47,447 LOS CULITO' POR AHÍ * * ESO SE CANCELÓ 323 00:30:47,447 --> 00:30:50,050 VAMO' PA' RD * * LA HOOKAH Y EL BARCELÓ 324 00:30:50,050 --> 00:30:52,752 UN PIQUETE * * NADIE VA A TUMBÁRSELO 325 00:30:52,752 --> 00:30:55,455 LOS DEJA EN VISTO * * CHICO PARCE NO 326 00:30:55,455 --> 00:30:57,624 DÉJALO' QUE HABLEN * * NO HAY QUE PREOCUPARSE NO 327 00:30:57,624 --> 00:31:00,293 LA BABY ES SECA * * PERO PA' MOJARSE NO 328 00:31:00,293 --> 00:31:04,597 EY EY EY * * Y SI TÚ QUIERE' 329 00:31:04,597 --> 00:31:10,070 NOS HACEMO' JEVO' * * SÉ QUE TÚ ERE' PELIGRO 330 00:31:10,070 --> 00:31:14,307 PERO YO ME ATREVO * * Y SI TÚ QUIERE' 331 00:31:14,307 --> 00:31:19,713 PA' CASA TE LLEVO * * AUNQUE SEA POR UN RATITO 332 00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:26,186 DESPUÉS SIGO SOLTERO * * BABY YO NO TENGO MIEDO JE 333 00:31:26,186 --> 00:31:30,523 DE PROBARTE Y * * DE ENAMORARME DE NUEVO 334 00:31:30,523 --> 00:31:34,761 QUE SE MAMI YO TE SIGO * * EL JUEGO EY 335 00:31:34,761 --> 00:31:37,530 BIEN LOQUITO EN LA DISCO * * ME PEGO BAILANDO Y 336 00:31:37,530 --> 00:31:41,835 TE BESO EL CUELLO EY * * CONTIGO ME VOY A FUEGO 337 00:31:41,835 --> 00:31:54,681 JEJE * ** 338 00:31:54,681 --> 00:32:06,126 ** [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 339 00:32:19,673 --> 00:32:26,680 MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 340 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:27,881 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. 341 00:32:27,881 --> 00:32:30,617 GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." 342 00:32:30,617 --> 00:32:33,787 I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. 343 00:32:33,787 --> 00:32:37,357 IN WHAT MANY PEOPLE ARE CALLING A HIGH POINT OF HIS TERM, 344 00:32:37,357 --> 00:32:40,827 PRESIDENT BIDEN GAVE MULTIPLE SPEECHES THIS WEEK IN WHICH HE 345 00:32:40,827 --> 00:32:44,097 ISSUED THE SAME STRONG WARNING TO ANYONE THINKING ABOUT 346 00:32:44,097 --> 00:32:46,499 ATTACKING ISRAEL. AND HERE WAS HIS MESSAGE. 347 00:32:46,499 --> 00:32:47,100 >> DON'T. 348 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:47,634 DON'T. DON'T. 349 00:32:47,634 --> 00:32:58,578 DON'T. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. 350 00:32:58,578 --> 00:33:02,882 >> I WON'T. I REALLY LIKE THAT BIDEN ONLY 351 00:33:02,882 --> 00:33:05,385 NEEDS ONE WORD TO GET HIS POINT ACROSS. 352 00:33:05,385 --> 00:33:09,456 HE'S BASICALLY THE GRUT OF PRESIDENTS. 353 00:33:09,456 --> 00:33:13,059 BUT TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF HOW EFFECTIVE DON'T IS, IT'S THE 354 00:33:13,059 --> 00:33:16,363 SAME THING BIDEN SAYS TO HIS DOG RIGHT BEFORE IT BITES ANOTHER 355 00:33:16,363 --> 00:33:21,434 SECRET SERVICE AGENT. ALSO, WHILE HE WAS IN ISRAEL, 356 00:33:21,434 --> 00:33:28,274 BIDEN SAID THE HAMAS ATTACK WAS LIKE, QUOTE, 159/11s. 357 00:33:28,274 --> 00:33:31,378 OKAY, YOU CAN'T GO SOMEWHERE TO CALM PEOPLE DOWN AND THEN START 358 00:33:31,378 --> 00:33:37,517 RATING THINGS IN NUMBERS OF 9/11s. 359 00:33:37,517 --> 00:33:41,388 IT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOUR DOCTOR GAVE YOU AMBIEN AND SAID, THIS 360 00:33:41,388 --> 00:33:46,659 WILL MAKE YOU SLEEPIER THAN 20 COSBYS. 361 00:33:46,659 --> 00:33:50,930 >> JIM JORDAN SEEN HERE DESCRIBING HOW HE ATTACKS THE 362 00:33:50,930 --> 00:33:55,101 NIPPLE IS NO LONGER THE NOMINEE FOR HOUSE SPEAKER AFTER 363 00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:58,938 REPUBLICANS DROPPED HIM FRIDAY, WHICH, BY THE WAY, HE'S USED TO, 364 00:33:58,938 --> 00:34:02,275 BECAUSE HE WAS DROPPED A LOT AS A CHILD. 365 00:34:02,275 --> 00:34:07,414 POTENTIAL NEW CANDIDATES FOR SPEAKER INCLUDE TOM EMMER, KEVIN 366 00:34:07,414 --> 00:34:10,717 HERN, JACK BURMAN, AND SIX OTHERS WHO ARE CLEARLY GEORGE 367 00:34:10,717 --> 00:34:17,090 SANTOS. >> AFTER A JUDGE ISSUED A GAG 368 00:34:17,090 --> 00:34:20,126 ORDER AGAINST PRESIDENT TRUMP, TRUMP TOLD REPORTERS THAT THE 369 00:34:20,126 --> 00:34:25,098 JUDGE SAID BASICALLY I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK. 370 00:34:25,098 --> 00:34:29,069 THEN HE ADDED, SHE'S LIKE LITERALLY KILLING ME. 371 00:34:29,069 --> 00:34:32,105 THEN HE YELLED, YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL MOM AND SLAMMED HIS 372 00:34:32,105 --> 00:34:38,778 BEDROOM DOOR. IT HAPPENED. 373 00:34:38,778 --> 00:34:42,882 AND YESTERDAY ON TRUTH SOCIAL, TRUMP POSTED A COURTROOM SKETCH 374 00:34:42,882 --> 00:34:48,588 OF HIM SITTING NEXT TO JESUS. BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE GUY WHOSE 375 00:34:48,588 --> 00:34:54,694 TRIAL FAMOUSLY ENDED WELL, IT'S JESUS. 376 00:34:54,694 --> 00:35:01,501 >> RON DeSANTIS REPORTEDLY SPENT $1.5 MILLION ON PRIVATE JETS IN 377 00:35:01,501 --> 00:35:04,904 JUST OVER THREE MONTHS BECAUSE WHEN HE FLIES COMMERCIAL, THEY 378 00:35:04,904 --> 00:35:08,308 MAKE HIM TAKE OFF HIS HEELS IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. 379 00:35:08,308 --> 00:35:12,679 JUSTICE AMY CONEY BARRETT SAID SHE WOULDN'T MIND SEEING A CODE 380 00:35:12,679 --> 00:35:16,082 OF CONDUCT INSTITUTED FOR THE SUPREME COURT, WHILE CLARENCE 381 00:35:16,082 --> 00:35:18,284 THOMAS SAID HE WOULDN'T MIND SEEING WHAT SHE'S WORKING WITH 382 00:35:18,284 --> 00:35:27,694 UNDER THAT ROBE. >> NETFLIX IS PLANNING TO OPEN 383 00:35:27,694 --> 00:35:34,567 ITS OWN NETWORK OF BRICK AND MORTAR STORES, WHICH IS LIKE A 384 00:35:34,567 --> 00:35:39,072 SERIAL KILLER WALKING AROUND IN THE SKIN OF HIS VICTIM. 385 00:35:39,072 --> 00:35:45,512 ACCORDING TO A LEAKED EXCERPT FROM HER UPCOMING MEMOIR, 386 00:35:45,512 --> 00:35:48,314 BRITNEY SPEARS SAID SHE GOT PREGNANT WHILE DATING JUSTIN 387 00:35:48,314 --> 00:35:51,785 TIMBERLAKE BECAUSE BACK THEN, EVEN THEIR CONDOMS WERE DENIM. 388 00:35:54,421 --> 00:35:58,224 >> JADA PINKETT SMITH HAS BEEN WAKE MAIKING SOME WAVES WITH 389 00:35:58,224 --> 00:36:04,097 SOME OF THE REVELATIONS IN HER NEW MEMOIR, "WORTHY" HERE TO 390 00:36:04,097 --> 00:36:07,267 COMMENT IS JADA PINKETT SMITH. >> OH, YEAH. 391 00:36:07,267 --> 00:36:09,636 IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, MICHAEL. 392 00:36:09,636 --> 00:36:12,305 THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THE RED TABLE. 393 00:36:12,305 --> 00:36:16,109 SORRY IF I SEEM A LITTLE TIRED. I'VE BEEN ON THE TODAY SHOW 14 394 00:36:16,109 --> 00:36:18,845 TIMES IN THREE DAYS. >> YOU GETTING A LOT OF BUZZ 395 00:36:18,845 --> 00:36:22,349 FROM YOUR NEW BOOK. YOU REVEALED THAT YOU AND WILL 396 00:36:22,349 --> 00:36:25,051 SMITH HAVE BEEN SEPARATED SINCE 2016. 397 00:36:25,051 --> 00:36:26,152 >> UH-HUH. THAT'S THE TRUTH. 398 00:36:26,152 --> 00:36:29,089 THAT IS THE TRUTH. BUT THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED, I 399 00:36:29,089 --> 00:36:30,390 KNEW THERE WAS GOING TO BE TROUBLE. 400 00:36:30,390 --> 00:36:33,493 AT OUR WEDDING, SOMEONE STOOD UP AND OBJECTED. 401 00:36:33,493 --> 00:36:35,528 >> WHO WAS IT? >> IT WAS ME. 402 00:36:35,528 --> 00:36:38,698 YEAH, IT WAS ME. BUT IT'S OKAY. 403 00:36:38,698 --> 00:36:41,201 23 YEARS LATER, WILL AND I ARE STILL A UNIT. 404 00:36:41,201 --> 00:36:45,505 AND IT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE LEARNED THAT THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL 405 00:36:45,505 --> 00:36:48,274 MARRIAGE IS NEVER GO TO BED HAPPY. 406 00:36:48,274 --> 00:36:54,080 >> AND YOU GUYS DESCRIBED YOUR MARRIAGE AS BRUTIFUL, AS IN 407 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,982 BRUTAL AND BEAUTIFUL. >> YEAH. 408 00:36:55,982 --> 00:36:59,753 AND OTHER PEOPLE DESCRIBE IT AS BRUM-HEALTHY. 409 00:36:59,753 --> 00:37:06,026 BUT WE'RE DOING GREAT, MICHAEL. WE REALLY ARE. 410 00:37:06,026 --> 00:37:09,429 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A VERY, VERY LONG TIME, I AM IN SUCH A 411 00:37:09,429 --> 00:37:13,033 SOLID AND FORTIFIED PLACE. NOTHING MAKES ME FEEL STRONGER 412 00:37:13,033 --> 00:37:16,236 THAN PUBLICLY CUCKING MY MILLIONAIRE HUSBAND. 413 00:37:16,236 --> 00:37:18,772 >> I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY NOT JUST GET A DIVORCE? 414 00:37:18,772 --> 00:37:23,576 >> OH, NO, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. 415 00:37:23,576 --> 00:37:26,646 I HAVE PRINCIPALS, MICHAEL. IF WE GOT DIVORCED, HE COULD 416 00:37:26,646 --> 00:37:31,951 MESS AROUND AND END UP HAPPY. AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT. 417 00:37:31,951 --> 00:37:35,855 >> HE CALLED YOUR MARRIAGE A SLOPPY PUBLIC EXPERIMENT IN 418 00:37:35,855 --> 00:37:37,924 UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. >> YEAH, UH-HUH. 419 00:37:37,924 --> 00:37:40,326 THAT WAS ACTUALLY IN OUR VOWS. YEAH. 420 00:37:40,326 --> 00:37:44,831 SO ANYWAY, BACK TO TUPAC. >> I NEVER SAID TUPAC. 421 00:37:44,831 --> 00:37:48,401 >> WELL, I CAN'T STOP SAYING TUPAC, ALL RIGHT? 422 00:37:48,401 --> 00:37:50,870 WE WERE SO CLOSE. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW 423 00:37:50,870 --> 00:37:54,541 THIS, BUT BEFORE HE DIED, HE WAS IN THE PROCESS OF LEGALLY 424 00:37:54,541 --> 00:37:58,178 CHANGING HIS NAME TO TUPINKETT. YEAH. 425 00:37:58,178 --> 00:38:00,447 UH-HUH. HE WAS MY SOUL MATE. 426 00:38:00,447 --> 00:38:01,281 YEAH. >> WHAT ABOUT WILL? 427 00:38:01,281 --> 00:38:04,451 YOU SAID IN YOUR BOOK THAT HIM SLAPPING CHRIS ROCK ACTUALLY 428 00:38:04,451 --> 00:38:07,187 BROUGHT YOU CLOSER TOGETHER AS A COUPLE. 429 00:38:07,187 --> 00:38:09,222 >> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS 430 00:38:09,222 --> 00:38:13,793 THAT I FELT LIKE HIS WIFE. AND NOW I AM SO CLEAR ON WHAT TO 431 00:38:13,793 --> 00:38:16,429 DO IF WE EVER START DRIFTING APART AGAIN. 432 00:38:16,429 --> 00:38:20,033 >> AND WHAT'S THAT? >> THE NEXT TIME WE HIT A ROUGH 433 00:38:20,033 --> 00:38:22,202 PATCH, I'M GOING TO ASK WILL TO SHOOT KEVIN HART. 434 00:38:22,202 --> 00:38:25,071 >> JADA PINKETT SMITH, EVERYBODY. 435 00:38:25,071 --> 00:38:27,941 EVERYBODY. >> CALL ME MR. SHICORE, PLEASE. 436 00:38:32,278 --> 00:38:37,283 INTRODUCING SEVERAL NEW FLAVORS INCLUDING KRAFT MAC AND CHEESE, 437 00:38:37,283 --> 00:38:41,087 KETTLE CORN, AND DILL PICKLE. AND IF ANY OF THOSE FLAVORS 438 00:38:41,087 --> 00:38:45,058 SOUND GOOD TO YOU, UH-OH, YOU'RE PREGNANT. 439 00:38:45,058 --> 00:38:51,231 >> NEW YORK CITY HAS ENACTED A NEW LAW REQUIRING PUBLIC SCHOOLS 440 00:38:51,231 --> 00:38:56,169 TO OFFER FREE SWIMMING LESSONS TO SECOND GRADERS, WHICH WILL 441 00:38:56,169 --> 00:38:58,405 COME IN HANDY THE NEXT TIME IT RAINS HERE. 442 00:38:58,405 --> 00:39:04,377 THOUSANDS OF WOMEN HAVE SUED L'OREAL AND REVLON CLAIMING 443 00:39:04,377 --> 00:39:08,481 THEIR HAIR STRAIGHTENERS MADE THEM INFERTILE. 444 00:39:08,481 --> 00:39:13,887 THEY HAVE COUNTERSUITED SAYING, MAYBE IT'S MAYBELENE. 445 00:39:13,887 --> 00:39:18,324 >> A MAN IN TENNESSEE SURVIVED AFTER A STRAY BULLET CAME 446 00:39:18,324 --> 00:39:22,162 THROUGH HIS WINDSHIELD AND ONLY KNOCKED OFF HIS GLASSES. 447 00:39:22,162 --> 00:39:31,604 IT TURNS OUT, HE'S BEAUTIFUL. >> DON'T CLAP FOR THAT. 448 00:39:31,604 --> 00:39:36,176 THIS WEEK -- THIS WEEK, THE WNBA FINALS WERE WON BY THE NEW YORK 449 00:39:36,176 --> 00:39:40,213 LIBERTY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 450 00:39:40,213 --> 00:39:42,649 I'M KIDDING. VEGAS BEAT THEM IN FOUR, YOU 451 00:39:42,649 --> 00:39:45,618 PHONIES. YOU DEPARTMENT SEE THAT GAME. 452 00:39:45,618 --> 00:39:51,191 SHAME ON YOU. A 3-YEAR-OLD GIRL FROM TEXAS HAS 453 00:39:51,191 --> 00:39:56,496 BECOME THE YOUNGEST PERSON EVER TO VISIT ALL 63 U.S. NATIONAL 454 00:39:56,496 --> 00:39:58,098 PARKS. UNFORTUNATELY, IN THE TALONS OF 455 00:39:58,098 --> 00:40:03,603 AN EAGLE. >> YES. 456 00:40:03,603 --> 00:40:06,673 THAT'S TOUGH. A WOMAN COMPLAINING ONLINE ABOUT 457 00:40:06,673 --> 00:40:10,643 A DATE IN WHICH A MAN SNUCK OUT OF THE RESTAURANT AND STUCK HER 458 00:40:10,643 --> 00:40:14,180 WITH THE BILL AFTER WATCHING HER EAT 48 OYSTERS. 459 00:40:14,180 --> 00:40:17,484 AND, LIKE YOU, I WAS COMPLETELY ON HER SIDE UNTIL THE WORDS 48 460 00:40:17,484 --> 00:40:22,455 OYSTERS. >> POLICE SAY A MAN IN NEBRASKA 461 00:40:22,455 --> 00:40:25,892 SNUCK INTO A HOME AND SLEPT WITH A SEX DOLL BELONGING TO A MAN 462 00:40:25,892 --> 00:40:28,828 WHO RECENTLY DIED. WOW, SHE MOVED ON FAST. 463 00:40:28,828 --> 00:40:37,070 ALL RIGHT. >> A MARTIAL ARTIST IN AUSTRALIA 464 00:40:37,070 --> 00:40:42,909 PUNCHED A 7-FOOT TALL KANGAROO THAT WAS TRYING TO DROWN HIS 465 00:40:42,909 --> 00:40:45,879 DOG. AUSTRALIA, WHERE LIFE IS A MAD 466 00:40:45,879 --> 00:40:47,547 LIB. >> A WOMAN IN CALIFORNIA IS 467 00:40:47,547 --> 00:40:52,252 TRYING TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT A RARE ALLERGY SHE HAS TO WATER. 468 00:40:52,252 --> 00:40:56,956 YEAH, I HAVE THAT TOO. IT'S CALLED ALCOHOLISM. 469 00:40:56,990 --> 00:41:02,495 FOR "WEEKEND UP," 470 00:41:09,736 --> 00:41:12,939 >>> BABE, BEFORE WE GO IN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU 471 00:41:12,939 --> 00:41:15,475 HAVE NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT. 472 00:41:15,475 --> 00:41:19,279 MY MOM'S NOT HERE, AND MY AUNT IS GOING TO LOVE YOU. 473 00:41:19,279 --> 00:41:21,181 >> I KNOW. I'M SO EXCITED. 474 00:41:21,181 --> 00:41:27,454 >> LET'S GO. WE'RE HERE. 475 00:41:27,454 --> 00:41:41,568 >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 476 00:41:41,568 --> 00:41:42,669 >> OKAY. YES. 477 00:41:42,669 --> 00:41:46,172 I LOVE IT. GO OFF, TIA. 478 00:41:46,172 --> 00:41:52,812 >> AND WHO IS SHE? >> UM, THIS IS CASEY. 479 00:41:52,812 --> 00:41:53,613 -- [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 480 00:41:53,613 --> 00:41:57,984 -- MY GIRLFRIEND. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ]. 481 00:41:57,984 --> 00:42:00,086 >> THANK YOU. >> DON WORRY ABOUT HER. 482 00:42:00,086 --> 00:42:04,224 SHE'S JUST A LITTLE BIT PROTECTIVE. 483 00:42:04,224 --> 00:42:07,727 BUT IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO MY MOM. 484 00:42:07,727 --> 00:42:14,100 >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 485 00:42:14,100 --> 00:42:16,703 >> MAMA, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE. 486 00:42:16,703 --> 00:42:23,243 OH, MY GOSH. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] WHY YOU 487 00:42:23,243 --> 00:42:27,213 DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE HERE AGAIN? 488 00:42:27,213 --> 00:42:30,950 I BREAK YOUR -- I MISS YOU SO MUCH. 489 00:42:30,950 --> 00:42:34,087 I PRAY FOR YOU EVERY MORNING, EVERY NOON, EVERY NIGHT. 490 00:42:34,087 --> 00:42:36,623 I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU. 491 00:42:36,623 --> 00:42:42,595 >> WELL, HEY, IT'S LIKE A FAMILY REUNION IN HERE. 492 00:42:42,595 --> 00:42:47,967 >> WHO? >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- 493 00:42:47,967 --> 00:42:52,672 GIRLFRIEND. >> HI, MS. FLORES, I DIDN'T 494 00:42:52,672 --> 00:42:57,477 REALIZE YOU WERE GOING TO BE HERE, BUT I'M SO EXCITED. 495 00:42:57,477 --> 00:42:59,913 I BROUGHT COOKIES. >> SO THOUGHTFUL TO NOT MAKE 496 00:42:59,913 --> 00:43:06,419 >> SO THOUGHTFUL TO NOT MAKE THEM YOURSELF. 497 00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:34,781 COME, SIT. SIT, SIT. 498 00:43:34,781 --> 00:43:37,117 SO, CASEY, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK? 499 00:43:37,117 --> 00:43:41,588 >> WELL, CURRENTLY, I AM A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR MY DAD'S 500 00:43:41,588 --> 00:43:43,089 NONPROFIT. >> OH, GOOD, BECAUSE NOBODY 501 00:43:43,089 --> 00:43:50,530 LIKES PROFIT. >> MAMA. 502 00:43:50,530 --> 00:43:51,331 >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 503 00:43:51,331 --> 00:43:57,337 -- NEPO BABY. [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 504 00:43:57,337 --> 00:44:03,510 TRADER JOE'S. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- FLAT 505 00:44:03,510 --> 00:44:06,179 BUTT. >> OKAY. 506 00:44:06,179 --> 00:44:11,851 ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? >> NO, MY LOVE. 507 00:44:11,851 --> 00:44:17,657 I'M TALKING ABOUT ANOTHER WHITE GIRL WITH FLAT BUTT. 508 00:44:17,657 --> 00:44:22,095 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- STARBUCKS. 509 00:44:22,095 --> 00:44:24,664 >> OKAY. WELL I JUST -- I WANT YOU GUYS 510 00:44:24,664 --> 00:44:30,403 TO LIKE ME, AND I LOVE LOUISE, AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN REALLY 511 00:44:30,403 --> 00:44:33,306 GOOD FOR HIM, LIKE WHEN HE GOT DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION. 512 00:44:33,306 --> 00:44:36,576 >> OH, CASEY. NO, NO. 513 00:44:36,576 --> 00:44:43,116 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DEPRESSION? >> HE DOES NOT HAVE DEPRESSION. 514 00:44:43,116 --> 00:44:46,086 HE JUST LIKE THE DARK. >> MAMA. 515 00:44:46,086 --> 00:44:49,489 >> NO, NO, NO. HE TRIED TO GET IT WHEN HE WAS A 516 00:44:49,489 --> 00:44:52,525 KID. HE SAID, MOMMY, I'M DEPRESSED. 517 00:44:52,525 --> 00:44:56,496 THEN I SAID, DON'T DO THAT. DO SOMETHING ELSE. 518 00:44:56,496 --> 00:45:01,201 >> WELL, DEPRESSION DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK THAT WAY. 519 00:45:01,201 --> 00:45:03,703 >> OH. >> OH. 520 00:45:03,703 --> 00:45:06,573 >> I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS A DOCTOR WITH THAT THING IN HER 521 00:45:06,573 --> 00:45:07,273 NOSE. >> THIS. 522 00:45:07,273 --> 00:45:15,181 IT'S CALLED A SEPTUM PIERCING. >> I HAVE A PIERCING TOO, EXCEPT 523 00:45:15,181 --> 00:45:18,385 I'M PUTTING IT IN MY EAR WHERE IT BELONGS. 524 00:45:18,385 --> 00:45:23,089 >> MAMA >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- WHITE 525 00:45:23,089 --> 00:45:25,291 GRAND CHILDREN. [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 526 00:45:25,291 --> 00:45:32,899 -- TYLER AND HAILEY GONZALEZ. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- 527 00:45:32,899 --> 00:45:38,471 ORGANIC DEODERANT -- [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 528 00:45:38,471 --> 00:45:47,580 -- BISEXUAL BARISTA. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- JENNA 529 00:45:47,580 --> 00:45:57,724 ORTEGA, ANA de ARMAS, CARDI B -- [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 530 00:45:57,724 --> 00:46:04,864 -- GRETA THUNBERG. >> MAMA. 531 00:46:04,864 --> 00:46:11,037 >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- BOOTY CALL -- 532 00:46:11,037 --> 00:46:15,875 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] -- SIDE CHICK. 533 00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:18,912 >> ALL RIGHT. YOU GUYS, I KNOW I'M NOT EXACTLY 534 00:46:18,912 --> 00:46:22,782 WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING, BUT CAN WE JUST START OVER AND HAVE 535 00:46:22,782 --> 00:46:24,818 DINNER? I WOULD HATE FOR ALL THIS 536 00:46:24,818 --> 00:46:32,625 DELICIOUS FOOD TO GO TO WASTE. >> HONESTLY, I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY 537 00:46:32,625 --> 00:46:35,261 ANYMORE. >> NO. 538 00:46:35,261 --> 00:46:37,630 DON'T DO THIS. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU 539 00:46:37,630 --> 00:46:43,236 YOU DO NOT EAT ENOUGH? >> SHE WANTS TO FEED MY SON. 540 00:46:43,236 --> 00:46:50,143 OH, LOUIS, GIVE ME TYLER, GIVE ME HAILEY. 541 00:46:58,785 --> 00:47:02,022 >> TRAIN TRAFFIC AHEAD. >> MR. DOUGLAS. 542 00:47:02,022 --> 00:47:08,261 >> YES. >> MY NAME IS DARIUS COLE. 543 00:47:08,261 --> 00:47:10,630 I APPLIED FOR THE POSITION AT YOUR FIRM. 544 00:47:10,630 --> 00:47:12,665 >> WELL, WE HAVEN'T MADE A DECISION YET. 545 00:47:12,665 --> 00:47:20,306 AS SOON AS WE DO, WE'LL NOTIFY ALL THE APPLICANTS BY MAIL. 546 00:47:20,306 --> 00:47:24,077 >> WHY IS THIS SEAT WET? >> ABOUT THAT, I DON'T CURRENTLY 547 00:47:24,077 --> 00:47:27,247 HAVE AN ADDRESS. >> I'M NOT SURE I FOLLOW. 548 00:47:27,247 --> 00:47:32,218 YOU DON'T HAVE AN ADDRESS? >> NO, SIR. 549 00:47:32,218 --> 00:47:35,055 PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS, I'VE BEEN LIVING OUT OF MY CAR. 550 00:47:35,055 --> 00:47:42,529 >> OH. >> YO, YO, WHAT THE HELL, BRO? 551 00:47:42,529 --> 00:47:46,199 >> I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. >> YEAH. 552 00:47:46,199 --> 00:47:50,203 >> GOT SOME DIRT RIGHT THERE. >> BUT YOU KNOW, IT WAS EITHER 553 00:47:50,203 --> 00:47:52,939 PAY THE RENT OR PAY FOR BUSINESS SCHOOL. 554 00:47:52,939 --> 00:47:57,544 >> THAT'S ADMIRABLE, MR. COLE. I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND. 555 00:47:57,544 --> 00:48:09,022 GOOD DAY. >> SIR, LOOK. 556 00:48:09,022 --> 00:48:11,591 >> THERE AIN'T ROOM ON HERE FOR THAT. 557 00:48:11,591 --> 00:48:15,395 >> I KNOW I DON'T LOOK THE PART. CHEAP SUIT, SECOND HAND SHOES. 558 00:48:15,395 --> 00:48:19,866 I KNOW YOU GOT A REPUTATION TO PROTECT. 559 00:48:19,866 --> 00:48:21,301 BUT, SIR, I CAN DO THIS JOB. I PROMISE YOU. 560 00:48:21,301 --> 00:48:25,638 >> DO YOU HAVE YOUR RESUME? >> EXCUSE ME, SIR. 561 00:48:25,638 --> 00:48:30,377 MAY I SHOW YOU SOMETHING SPECIAL? 562 00:48:30,377 --> 00:48:32,579 >> HEY! OH, THIS DUDE'S GOT HIS THING 563 00:48:32,579 --> 00:48:39,252 OUT! >> IT'S IMPRESSIVE. 564 00:48:39,252 --> 00:48:43,957 ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. BUT I RUN AN INVESTMENT BANK, 565 00:48:43,957 --> 00:48:46,960 MR. COLE, NOT A CHARITY. >> GOOD. 566 00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:52,499 BECAUSE I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A HANDOUT. 567 00:48:52,499 --> 00:48:55,135 >> OH, DAMN, THERE'S A BIG-ASS RAT. 568 00:48:55,135 --> 00:49:02,676 >> JUST A CHANCE. SOMEONE GAVE YOU A CHANCE ONCE, 569 00:49:02,676 --> 00:49:08,515 RIGHT? >> MR. FELDMAN. 570 00:49:08,515 --> 00:49:12,185 HELL OF A BROKER. MEAN SON OF A BITCH. 571 00:49:12,185 --> 00:49:19,125 HE TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING I KNOW. >> I GUESS I'M JUST LOOKING FOR 572 00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:23,363 MY MR. FELDMAN. >> GIVE ME THE DAMN RAT! 573 00:49:23,363 --> 00:49:28,568 >> YOU KNOW, WE GOT 50 HARVARD MBAs OUT FOR THAT JOB. 574 00:49:28,568 --> 00:49:31,204 >> Y'ALL SCARED OF A DAMN RAT. >> YEAH. 575 00:49:31,204 --> 00:49:33,440 I KNOW. I'M GOING TO WORK HARDER THAN 576 00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:46,252 EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. >> I'M SORRY, MR. COLE, I CAN'T 577 00:49:46,252 --> 00:49:51,091 HIRE SOMEONE WHO LIVES OUT OF THEIR CAR. 578 00:49:51,091 --> 00:49:56,363 WE'LL HAVE TO PUT YOU IN ONE OF OUR CORPORATE APARTMENTS UNTIL 579 00:49:56,363 --> 00:50:01,935 YOU FIND A PLACE TO STAY. >> SO I GOT THE JOB? 580 00:50:01,935 --> 00:50:05,572 >> WE'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY, 8:00 A.M. 581 00:50:05,572 --> 00:50:18,518 >> I'LL BE THERE AT 7:00. OH, AND, SIR, THANK YOU. 582 00:50:18,518 --> 00:50:25,925 OH, AND, SIR, THANK YOU. >> HELLO. 583 00:50:37,470 --> 00:50:40,840 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ** 584 00:50:40,840 --> 00:51:03,329 ** ** 585 00:51:07,901 --> 00:51:11,137 * DIME DIME * 586 00:51:11,137 --> 00:51:14,407 * ESTO ES LO QUE TÚ QUERÍA YO SOY FINO * 587 00:51:14,407 --> 00:51:17,610 * ESTO ES TRAP DE GALERÍA TU ERES UN CHARRO * 588 00:51:17,610 --> 00:51:19,813 * ROCKY THE KID UNA PORQUERÍA * 589 00:51:19,813 --> 00:51:21,414 * YO UN CAMPEÓN ROCKY MARCIANO * 590 00:51:21,414 --> 00:51:23,083 * ROCKY BALBOA ROCKY MAIVIA * 591 00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:25,185 * TENGO LA RUTA TENGO LA VÍA * 592 00:51:25,185 --> 00:51:27,387 * SI TENGO LA VÍA LOS GASTOS DE NOCHE * 593 00:51:27,387 --> 00:51:31,658 * FACTURÓ TODO EL DÍA TANTA PLATA QUE * 594 00:51:31,658 --> 00:51:33,827 * QUE ME GUSTA QUE ME CHAPEEN' * 595 00:51:33,827 --> 00:51:35,995 * POR ESO LE METO A TOA ESTAS ARPÍA * 596 00:51:35,995 --> 00:51:38,698 * USTEDES NO SABEN LO QUE ES ESTA EN ALTA * 597 00:51:38,698 --> 00:51:42,469 * MAR CON 200 CUERO QUE LA AZAFATA * 598 00:51:42,469 --> 00:51:47,841 * TE EN EL CIELO LO QUE ES TIRAR * 599 00:51:47,841 --> 00:51:49,476 * 500 MIL EN EL PUTERO POR ESO TÚ OPINIÓN * 600 00:51:49,476 --> 00:51:51,144 * ME IMPORTA CERO POR ESO TÚ ERES * 601 00:51:51,144 --> 00:51:54,381 * 101 EN EL TOP 100 Y YO ESTOY PRIMERO * 602 00:51:54,381 --> 00:51:58,184 * YA NO SON RAPERO AHORA SON PODCASTEROS * 603 00:51:58,184 --> 00:52:02,055 * MÁS QUE TÚ ESTÁ COBRANDO MI BARBERO * 604 00:52:02,055 --> 00:52:04,724 * Y VIAJANDO EN EL MUNDO ENTERO EH * 605 00:52:04,724 --> 00:52:08,561 * BEBIENDO MUCHA CHAMPAÑA NUNCA ESTAMOS SECO * 606 00:52:08,561 --> 00:52:12,298 * PRIMERO LLEGO VERSTAPPEN DESPUÉS LLEGO CHECO * 607 00:52:12,298 --> 00:52:15,568 * SI PABLO ME VIERA DIRA QUE SOY UN BERRACO * 608 00:52:15,568 --> 00:52:18,805 * USTEDES HABLANDO Y YO Y LOS MÍO EN MÓNACO * 609 00:52:18,805 --> 00:52:22,609 * BEBIENDO MUCHA CHAMPAÑA NUNCA ESTAMOS SECO * 610 00:52:22,609 --> 00:52:25,845 * ESTÁN HABLANDO SOLO ESTÁN HABLANDO CON EL ECO * 611 00:52:25,845 --> 00:52:29,582 * EL SÍGNO DEL DINERO ESE ES MI NUEVO ZODIACO * 612 00:52:29,582 --> 00:52:32,318 * PRENDE UN PURO LA FAMILIA ESTÁ EN MÓNACO * 613 00:52:32,318 --> 00:52:35,588 * HIER ENCORE J'AVAIS VINGT ANS JE CARESSAIS LE TEMPS * 614 00:52:35,588 --> 00:52:39,392 * ET JOUAIS DE LA VIE COMME ON JOUE DE L'AMOUR * 615 00:52:39,392 --> 00:52:42,629 * ET JE VIVAIS LA NUIT SANS COMPTER SUR MES JOURS * 616 00:52:42,629 --> 00:52:48,535 * QUI FUYAIENT DANS LE TEMPS CRÉEME * 617 00:52:48,535 --> 00:52:52,238 * LOS CARROS DE F1 SON MÁS RÁPIDO EN PERSONA * 618 00:52:52,238 --> 00:52:54,941 * SOFÍA VERGARA ES LINDA PERO ES MÁS LINDA * 619 00:52:54,941 --> 00:52:57,110 * EN PERSONA LO QUE TÚ HAGA * 620 00:52:57,110 --> 00:53:00,280 * AMI NO ME IMPRESIONA ES COMO METER UN GOL * 621 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,949 * DESPUÉS DE MESSI Y MARADONA * 622 00:53:02,949 --> 00:53:05,585 * A TI NO TE CONOCEN NI EN TU BARRIO * 623 00:53:05,585 --> 00:53:09,322 * AYER ESTABA CON LEBRON TAMBIÉN CON DICAPRIO * 624 00:53:09,322 --> 00:53:13,093 * ME PREGUNTARON QUE COMO ME FUE EN LOS ESTADIO * 625 00:53:13,093 --> 00:53:17,897 * HABLAMOS DE LA FAMILIA Y TEMAS DE MILLONARIO * 626 00:53:17,897 --> 00:53:22,736 * DIGO MULTIMILLONARIO DIGO HE DE BILLONARIO * 627 00:53:22,736 --> 00:53:25,905 * HACE RATO SIN QUE ME TIENE LA RADIO * 628 00:53:25,905 --> 00:53:28,575 * HACE RATO ME QUITE DEL TRAP * 629 00:53:28,575 --> 00:53:31,277 * YO SE LO DEJÉ A ELADIO UY * 630 00:53:31,277 --> 00:53:33,947 * HE QUERIDO DIARIO * 631 00:53:33,947 --> 00:53:36,616 * HOY ME DEPOSITARON EN LOS GRAMMYS NOMINARON * 632 00:53:36,616 --> 00:53:40,387 * OTRA VE ME CRITICARON Y NINGUNA ME IMPORTARON * 633 00:53:40,387 --> 00:53:42,489 * YO SIGO TRANQUILO EN LA MÍA * 634 00:53:42,489 --> 00:53:45,158 * DON VITO DON BENO DE LOS BEATLES * 635 00:53:45,158 --> 00:53:47,293 * JOHN LENNON A MIS NIETOS CUANDO MUERA * 636 00:53:47,293 --> 00:53:51,097 * LE VOY A DEJAR 100 TERRENO A TOA' MIS DOÑAS LAS * 637 00:53:51,097 --> 00:53:54,768 * POMPIS Y LOS SENO' A MIS HATERS UN F40 * 638 00:53:54,768 --> 00:53:56,936 * SIN LOS FRENOS PA QUEEEE' * 639 00:53:56,936 --> 00:54:00,640 * PA QUE SE ESTRELLEN HE * 640 00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:02,809 * PA QUE SE MATEN ROJO BLANCO NEGRO MATE * 641 00:54:02,809 --> 00:54:03,877 * CUAL TÚ QUIERES PA QUE * 642 00:54:03,877 --> 00:54:07,580 * PA QUE SE ESTRELLEN PA QUE SE MATEN * 643 00:54:07,580 --> 00:54:11,351 * QUE EN PAZ DESCANSEN YO SIGO EN EL YATE EY * 644 00:54:11,351 --> 00:54:15,055 * BEBIENDO MUCHA CHAMPAÑA NUNCA ESTAMOS SECO * 645 00:54:15,055 --> 00:54:18,291 * PRIMERO LLEGO VERSTAPPEN DESPUÉS LLEGO CHECO * 646 00:54:18,291 --> 00:54:22,062 * SI PABLO ME VIERA DIRA QUE SOY UN BERRACO * 647 00:54:22,062 --> 00:54:25,799 * USTEDES HABLANDO Y YO Y LOS MÍO EN MÓNACO * 648 00:54:25,799 --> 00:54:28,468 * BEBIENDO MUCHA CHAMPAÑA NUNCA ESTAMOS SECO * 649 00:54:28,468 --> 00:54:32,238 * ESTÁN HABLANDO SOLO ESTÁN HABLANDO CON EL ECO * 650 00:54:32,238 --> 00:54:36,509 * EL SÍGNO DEL DINERO ESE ES MI NUEVO ZODIACO * 651 00:54:36,509 --> 00:54:38,678 * PRENDE UN PHILLIE LA FAMILIA ESTÁ EN MÓNACO * 652 00:54:38,678 --> 00:54:40,847 * HIER ENCORE J'AVAIS VINGT ANS JE CARESSAIS LE TEMPS * 653 00:54:40,847 --> 00:54:42,982 * ET JOUAIS DE LA VIE COMME ON JOUE DE L'AMOUR * 654 00:54:42,982 --> 00:54:46,186 * ET JE VIVAIS LA NUIT SANS COMPTER SUR MES JOURS * 655 00:54:46,186 --> 00:54:51,524 * QUI FUYAIENT DANS LE TEMPS * 656 00:54:51,524 --> 00:55:05,605 ** [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 657 00:55:11,911 --> 00:55:16,216 >>> SISTERS, SISTERS, GATHER AROUND AT ONCE. 658 00:55:16,216 --> 00:55:18,718 I HAVE SOME VERY DISTURBING NEWS. 659 00:55:18,718 --> 00:55:27,494 IS EVERYONE PRESENT? SISTER FILAMENA? 660 00:55:27,494 --> 00:55:32,499 >> SISTER GENEVIEVE. >> YEAH, I'M WITH IT. 661 00:55:32,499 --> 00:55:35,769 >> SISTER CATHERINE. >> MISSING. 662 00:55:35,769 --> 00:55:37,837 JK, TOTALLY HERE. >> SISTER MARY. 663 00:55:37,837 --> 00:55:40,674 >> PRE-SENT. >> AND SISTER TERESA. 664 00:55:40,674 --> 00:55:42,976 >> I AM HERE. >> GOOD. 665 00:55:42,976 --> 00:55:50,116 NOW, I AM SORRY FOR DISRUPTING OUR MORNING PRAYERS, BUT 666 00:55:50,116 --> 00:55:53,086 SOMETHING VERY UPSETTING HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION. 667 00:55:53,086 --> 00:55:58,258 >> YOU FOUND MY CANE AND ABLE FAN FIC? 668 00:55:58,258 --> 00:55:59,659 >> WHAT? NO. 669 00:55:59,659 --> 00:56:04,564 I'M AFRAID THERE HAS BEEN A MAN POSING AS A NUN HIDING AMONGST 670 00:56:04,564 --> 00:56:06,833 US IN ORDER TO SLEEP WITH OTHER NUNS. 671 00:56:06,833 --> 00:56:10,036 >> WHAT? OH, NO. 672 00:56:10,036 --> 00:56:15,508 THIS IS HORRIBLE. >> I CANNOT BELIEVE SOMEONE 673 00:56:15,508 --> 00:56:19,879 WOULD VIOLATE OUR TRUST AND OUR SACRED COVENANT WITH GOD. 674 00:56:19,879 --> 00:56:23,183 >> I KNOW. I KNOW. 675 00:56:23,183 --> 00:56:25,318 THIS IS SO RUDE WHOEVER IS DOING THAT. 676 00:56:25,318 --> 00:56:28,221 YOU ARE VERY BAD. STOP IT. 677 00:56:28,221 --> 00:56:31,091 >> YEAH. I BET. 678 00:56:31,091 --> 00:56:34,861 THEY'RE BAD. AND SO, SO GOOD. 679 00:56:34,861 --> 00:56:40,467 >> I BET THEY CAN'T DO IT AGAIN IN THE GARDEN RIGHT AFTER LUNCH. 680 00:56:40,467 --> 00:56:44,838 >> I'LL TAKE THAT BET. >> SISTERS, NO GAMBLING. 681 00:56:44,838 --> 00:56:53,079 WE NEED TO FOCUS ON FINDING THE MAN HIDDEN AMONGST US AND FORCE 682 00:56:53,079 --> 00:56:57,117 HIM TO REINDEPENDENT. >> YEAH, HE NEED TO REPENT ME 683 00:56:57,117 --> 00:57:01,187 OVER THE DINING ROOM TABLE AGAIN. 684 00:57:01,187 --> 00:57:03,056 >> WHAT WAS THAT, SISTER GENEVIEVE? 685 00:57:03,056 --> 00:57:05,625 >> I SAID PRESENT. >> AND I SAID PRESENT ME WITH 686 00:57:05,625 --> 00:57:11,197 THAT WEANER AGAIN, AND YOU CAN CALL ME JOEY CHESTNUT WITH HOW 687 00:57:11,197 --> 00:57:14,668 FAST I GOBBLE IT DOWN. >> SISTERS, CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS 688 00:57:14,668 --> 00:57:18,605 ON THE EVIL MAN TRYING TO CORRUPT OUR PRECIOUS VIRGIN 689 00:57:18,605 --> 00:57:22,442 SOULS? >> CERTAINLY, THIS MAN OR WOMAN 690 00:57:22,442 --> 00:57:26,146 IS CLEARLY SO SEXY THAT EVEN GOD CANNOT STOP HIM. 691 00:57:26,146 --> 00:57:29,149 WE NEED TO THINK ABOUT THE VIRGINS. 692 00:57:29,149 --> 00:57:34,120 SPEND TIME WITH THE VIRGINS, GIVE THE VIRGINS EVERYTHING WE 693 00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:36,790 GOT. >> BESIDES, I HEARD GOD CAN'T 694 00:57:36,790 --> 00:57:41,294 SEE IT AS LONG AS YOU DO IT IN THE BELL TOWER AND THE MAN USES 695 00:57:41,294 --> 00:57:47,267 HIS PENIS TO RING THE BELL AND YELL DING DONG. 696 00:57:47,267 --> 00:57:51,905 >> SADLY, DING DONG IS WHAT I HEAR ALSO ABOUT THAT MAN. 697 00:57:51,905 --> 00:57:54,441 >> I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYONE IS NOT MORE OUTRAGED. 698 00:57:54,441 --> 00:58:02,482 WHOEVER IS AGREEING TO HAVE S-E-X WITH THIS MAN IS JUST AS 699 00:58:02,482 --> 00:58:05,118 GUILTY AS HE IS. >> YEAH. 700 00:58:05,118 --> 00:58:07,654 OR MAYBE THERE'S ONE NUN WHO'S GETTING NONE. 701 00:58:07,654 --> 00:58:09,789 >> EXCUSE ME? >> YEAH. 702 00:58:09,789 --> 00:58:15,829 MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A LITTLE STRING BEAN AND WHEN HE 703 00:58:15,829 --> 00:58:22,802 TRIED TO HIT THE BELL WITH HIS PENIS, IT DOESN'T GO DING DONG, 704 00:58:22,802 --> 00:58:26,606 IT GOES WHOMP WHOMP. >> THAT IS ENOUGH! 705 00:58:26,606 --> 00:58:28,808 I'LL GIVE HIM ONE FINAL CHANCE TO CONFESS. 706 00:58:28,808 --> 00:58:35,815 >> YEAH, CONFESS! WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU BEAUTIFUL 707 00:58:35,815 --> 00:58:43,123 MONSTER, YOU SEXUAL KING, JUST ADMIT WHAT YOU DID. 708 00:58:43,123 --> 00:58:49,896 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> FINE. 709 00:58:49,896 --> 00:58:54,601 I CONFESS. IT WAS ME. 710 00:58:54,601 --> 00:58:59,305 I WITH US THE ONE WHO CORRUPTED THESE POOR WOMEN WITH MY LIPS 711 00:58:59,305 --> 00:59:07,614 AND MY HIPS, AND I WAS THE ONE WHO RANG THE BELL WITH MY PENIS 712 00:59:07,614 --> 00:59:12,352 AND YELLED DING DONG. >> SISTER KEVIN, HOW COULD YOU 713 00:59:12,352 --> 00:59:14,921 BETRAY US LIKE THIS? >> I KNOW. 714 00:59:14,921 --> 00:59:20,360 THIS IS PROBABLY THE WORST SEX SCANDAL IN THE HISTORY OF THE 715 00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:23,229 CHURCH. BUT LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, 716 00:59:23,229 --> 00:59:30,570 BEFORE I GOT HERE, ALL THESE SISTERS JUST FUMBLED, "OUR 717 00:59:30,570 --> 00:59:34,574 FATHER", AND NOW THEY ARE SCREAMING, "OH, GOD". 718 00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:38,044 >> SISTER KEVIN, I'M AFRAID YOU MUST LEAVE THIS CONVENT AT ONCE. 719 00:59:38,044 --> 00:59:42,482 >> BUT, PLEASE, MOTHER SUPERIOR. >> CAN'T HE STAY AND SLEEP WITH 720 00:59:42,482 --> 00:59:47,454 US FOR A FEW MORE WEEKS? >> IT IS ALMOST HALLOWEEN. 721 00:59:47,454 --> 00:59:55,228 >> YEAH, PLEASE. >> WELL, I SUPPOSE WE ARE IN A 722 00:59:55,228 --> 01:00:00,567 VERY ISOLATED PART OF AUSTRIA, AND IT IS ALMOST HALLOWEEN. 723 01:00:00,567 --> 01:00:03,036 OH, F IT. WHY NOT. 724 01:00:03,036 --> 01:00:06,539 SISTER KEVIN CAN STAY. >> NOW LET'S GO, SISTERS. 725 01:00:06,539 --> 01:00:14,414 I THINK I'M READY FOR THE SECOND COMING. 726 01:00:26,393 --> 01:00:29,896 >>> ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS, GLAD WE'RE ALL HERE. 727 01:00:29,896 --> 01:00:34,634 OUR COMPANY BURT'S BEES IS BEING ACQUIRED BY JERGENS, WHICH IS 728 01:00:34,634 --> 01:00:42,275 OWNED BY AVEENO, WHICH IS OWNED BY YOPLAIT, SO IT'S GOING TO BE 729 01:00:42,275 --> 01:00:46,413 A NEW CHAPTER. >> I THINK IT'S EXCITING. 730 01:00:46,413 --> 01:00:49,315 >> YOU WOULD. >> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 731 01:00:49,315 --> 01:00:51,785 >> SORRY. I'M ON ONE THIS MORNING. 732 01:00:51,785 --> 01:00:56,756 >> WE NEED TO MAKE SURE WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT OUR 733 01:00:56,756 --> 01:00:58,925 STRATEGY BEFORE WE MEET WITH THEIR PEOPLE. 734 01:00:58,925 --> 01:01:01,394 WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT TODAY, SO BUCKLE UP. 735 01:01:01,394 --> 01:01:04,097 >> BEFORE WE START, CAN I SAY ONE THING? 736 01:01:04,097 --> 01:01:08,134 >> SURE, ENRIQUE, OF COURSE. >> I JUST WANT TO SAY TO 737 01:01:08,134 --> 01:01:12,706 EVERYONE THAT MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED. 738 01:01:12,706 --> 01:01:15,275 >> AW. >> CONGRATS. 739 01:01:15,275 --> 01:01:19,212 >> YEAH, CONGRATS, ENRIQUE, THAT'S AWESOME, MAN. 740 01:01:19,212 --> 01:01:20,513 >> THANK YOU. >> ALL RIGHT. 741 01:01:20,513 --> 01:01:24,651 SO WHEN COMPANIES GET BOUGHT OUT, ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS 742 01:01:24,651 --> 01:01:28,421 THEY LOOK AT IS STAFF SIZE. >> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT 743 01:01:28,421 --> 01:01:29,823 LAYOFFS? >> I HOPE NOT. 744 01:01:29,823 --> 01:01:34,294 >> THEY USUALLY GET RID OF THE OLD CEO. 745 01:01:34,294 --> 01:01:37,964 >> OKAY. HA-HA- VERY FUNNY. 746 01:01:37,964 --> 01:01:40,300 I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. >> CAN I SAY ONE MORE THING 747 01:01:40,300 --> 01:01:43,436 ABOUT IT? >> SURE, ENRIQUE, GO AHEAD. 748 01:01:43,436 --> 01:01:47,240 >> HE IS A VERY NICE MAN. >> THAT'S GREAT. 749 01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:48,441 >> YEAH, WONDERFUL. >> GREAT. 750 01:01:48,441 --> 01:01:49,943 >> YEAH. THAT'S AWESOME, MAN. 751 01:01:49,943 --> 01:01:57,884 I LOVE THAT. GLAD YOU LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER'S 752 01:01:57,884 --> 01:02:01,388 FIONCE. YOU'RE ALL MAKING ME NERVOUS 753 01:02:01,388 --> 01:02:03,056 LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO GET RID OF ME. 754 01:02:03,056 --> 01:02:06,493 >> MAYBE THEY'RE LOOKING TO DIVERSIFY THE LEADERSHIP ROLES. 755 01:02:06,493 --> 01:02:10,196 >> UH-OH, DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. 756 01:02:10,196 --> 01:02:12,432 >> EXCUSE ME? >> I'M JOKING. 757 01:02:12,432 --> 01:02:15,502 I'M TOTALLY JOKING. >> CAN I SAY ONE MORE LITTLE 758 01:02:15,502 --> 01:02:16,136 THING? >> YEAH. 759 01:02:16,136 --> 01:02:20,340 GO AHEAD, ENRIQUE. >> HIS NAME IS JEFF. 760 01:02:20,340 --> 01:02:24,244 >> THAT'S AWESOME, MAN. HIS NAME IS JEFF, YEAH. 761 01:02:24,244 --> 01:02:28,848 I'M GLAD YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD, ENRIQUE, BUT YOU KNOW PEOPLE'S 762 01:02:28,848 --> 01:02:32,085 JOBS ARE ON THE LINE HERE. >> NOT JEFF. 763 01:02:32,085 --> 01:02:34,487 HE WORKS AT GOOGLE. >> OKAY. 764 01:02:34,487 --> 01:02:39,559 WELL, LUCKY HIM. >> NO, LUCKY ME. 765 01:02:39,559 --> 01:02:41,294 >> ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 766 01:02:41,294 --> 01:02:45,098 LET'S TALK IN PAIRS, COME UP WITH IDEAS. 767 01:02:45,098 --> 01:02:49,369 WE WANT TO RETAIN AS MANY PEOPLE AS WE CAN, SO WE NEED A GOOD 768 01:02:49,369 --> 01:02:52,505 PITCH HERE. >> SHE JUST DON'T HAVE THE BEE 769 01:02:52,505 --> 01:02:55,308 EXPERTISE. THE MORE WE HANDLE OURSELVES, 770 01:02:55,308 --> 01:02:57,944 THE BETTER THEY'LL DO. >> WRITE THAT DOWN. 771 01:02:57,944 --> 01:03:01,681 >> OUR SALES ARE GREAT. WE'RE IN EVERY DRUGSTORE YOU CAN 772 01:03:01,681 --> 01:03:04,751 THINK OF. >> THEY WERE FRIENDS WHEN THEY 773 01:03:04,751 --> 01:03:07,520 WERE KIDS. THEY DRIFTED APART, AND THEN 774 01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,456 THEY CAME BACK TOGETHER. >> WELL, THAT'S ADORABLE. 775 01:03:09,456 --> 01:03:12,425 >> I MEAN, YOU CAME UP WITH THE FOOT SCRUB. 776 01:03:12,425 --> 01:03:17,297 YOU HAVE TO STAY. >> AND YOU BROUGHT IN 777 01:03:17,297 --> 01:03:19,332 EXFOLIATING. THAT'S HUGE. 778 01:03:19,332 --> 01:03:22,669 >> MY SPEECH IS FUNNY, BUT NICE FUNNY. 779 01:03:22,669 --> 01:03:25,638 >> THAT'S HOW YOU GOT TO DO IT. >> ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 780 01:03:25,638 --> 01:03:29,843 LET'S COME BACK. WHAT DID WE ALL COME UP WITH? 781 01:03:29,843 --> 01:03:35,982 WHAT QUESTIONS DO WE NEED TO ANSWER TODAY? 782 01:03:35,982 --> 01:03:37,450 >> WELL, OUR BIGGEST QUESTION RIGHT NOW IS BAND OR DJ BECAUSE 783 01:03:37,450 --> 01:03:39,652 THE DJ IS CHEAPER, BUT THE BAND -- 784 01:03:39,652 --> 01:03:45,759 >> THE BAND IS LIKE WHOA. >> OKAY, GUYS, LET'S FOCUS HERE. 785 01:03:45,759 --> 01:03:48,695 ENRIQUE, WHAT WAS OUR OVERHEAD FOR THE PAST FOUR QUARTERS? 786 01:03:48,695 --> 01:03:50,096 >> I DON'T KNOW. DON'T ASK ME. 787 01:03:50,096 --> 01:03:53,366 >> WELL, YOU'RE OUR ACCOUNTANT, BUD. 788 01:03:53,366 --> 01:03:57,337 I DON'T KNOW WHO ELSE TO ASK. LOOK, I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU, 789 01:03:57,337 --> 01:04:01,441 BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE A LITTLE DISTRACTED, ENRIQUE. 790 01:04:01,441 --> 01:04:04,244 >> AND WHY SHOULDN'T HE BE? HE'S HAPPY. 791 01:04:04,244 --> 01:04:06,279 >> BECAUSE OUR COMPANY IS ON THE LINE. 792 01:04:06,279 --> 01:04:10,483 >> JUST BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER CAN'T KEEP A MAN. 793 01:04:10,483 --> 01:04:12,052 >> SHE'S 6. >> WELL, SHE'S TALL. 794 01:04:12,052 --> 01:04:17,691 I DIDN'T KNOW. >> GUYS, GUYS. 795 01:04:17,691 --> 01:04:21,695 THIS IS IMPORTANT. OUR COMPANY IS BELOVED, OKAY? 796 01:04:21,695 --> 01:04:25,899 WE GRIND UP BEES AND TURN IT INTO CHAPSTICK. 797 01:04:25,899 --> 01:04:30,737 PEOPLE LOVE THAT. SO WHEN THOSE SUITS FROM JERGENS 798 01:04:30,737 --> 01:04:35,408 COME IN HERE AND THEY SAY, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT YOU HAVE 799 01:04:35,408 --> 01:04:39,713 TO LAY OFF 30% OF YOUR STAFF, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO SAY? 800 01:04:39,713 --> 01:04:42,115 >> WE'RE GOING TO SAY NO. >> NOT TODAY. 801 01:04:42,115 --> 01:04:43,917 >> BECAUSE HIS DAUGHTER'S GETTING MARRIED. 802 01:04:43,917 --> 01:04:46,286 >> YEAH. SO WE'RE NOT DOING ALL OF THAT. 803 01:04:46,286 --> 01:04:48,688 >> BECAUSE WE HAVE A WEDDING TO PAY FOR. 804 01:04:48,688 --> 01:04:53,226 >> BECAUSE WE ARE A FAMILY. >> AND IF JERGENS HAS A PROBLEM 805 01:04:53,226 --> 01:04:56,329 WITH THAT -- >> THEN THEY CAN GO STRAIGHT TO 806 01:04:56,329 --> 01:04:58,098 HELL. RIGHT, ENRIQUE? 807 01:04:58,098 --> 01:05:00,834 >> CAN I SAY ONE MORE THING? >> YEP. 808 01:05:00,834 --> 01:05:06,039 >> MY SON IS HAVING A BABY. >> YES, ENRIQUE! 809 01:05:06,039 --> 01:05:08,041 >> YES, ENRIQUE! >> YEA! 810 01:05:28,728 --> 01:05:31,164 PASCAL. THANK YOU TO MICK JAGGER, AND 811 01:05:31,164 --> 01:05:39,272 LADY GAGA. WELL, THANK YOU TO LORNE AND 812 01:05:39,272 --> 01:05:41,574 EVERYONE AT SNL. I HAD A GREAT WEEK. 813 01:05:41,574 --> 01:05:45,745 GOOD NIGHT. I HOPE THAT YOU LIKED IT AND YOU 814 01:05:45,745 --> 01:05:52,218 ENJOYED IT. [ SPEAKING SPANISH ]