. >>> GOOD AFTERNOON, I'M DANA BASH, AND WELCOME TO INSIDE
POLITICS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
COMING UP, WE'LL GIVE WOLF
BLITZER AN EDIBLE AND AN HOUR TO
SOLVE THE MIDDLE EAST.
BUT FIRST, ON TUESDAY, PRESIDENT
JOE BIDEN WON THE WISH PRIMARY,
BUT A NEW YORK TIMES POLL HAS
HIM DOWN FIVE POINTS, AND MANY
VOTERS STILL HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT
HIS AGE.
HERE WITH ME IS GOVERNOR OF
CALIFORNIA AND BIDEN ADVOCATE,
GAVIN NEWSOM.
>> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU, DANA.
I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT
THE PRESIDENT'S AGE, BUT THEY
SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIS RECORD.
HE'S CREATED MORE JOBS THAN ANY
PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, INFLATION
IS DOWN, THE SHAMROCK SHAKE IS
BACK, AND BEYONCE HAS GONE
COUNTRY.
THANK YOU, JOE.
>> RIGHT.
BUT CAN HE MAKE THAT CASE WITH
THE SPEED AND SHARPNESS THAT
SOMEONE LIKE YOU CAN?
>> JOE CAN DO IT BETTER.
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, JOE IS
INCREDIBLE.
YESTERDAY WE HAD A BIG MEETING
ABOUT THE BORDER, AND HE HAD
SUCH COMMAND.
HE HAD CHARTS, TABLES, POWER
POINTS, HE HAD AN INTERACTIVE AR
DISPLAY ON THE APPLE VISION PRO
THAT HE PROGRAMMED HIMSELF.
THE SOFTWARE MIGHT BE IN BETA,
BUT THE MAN IS AN ALPHA.
>> I'M A LITTLE SKEPTICAL THIS
IS THE SAME MAN PEOPLE CALL
SLEEPY JOE.
>> WELL, HE HAS TO SLEEP, DANA.
EVEN WHEN HE'S SLEEPING, HE'S
ON.
THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS TAKING A
NAP, AND I WHIPPED A BASEBALL AT
HIM AND HE CAUGHT IT LIGHTNING
QUICK.
>> LET'S GO LIVE TO WASHINGTON
WITH KARINE JEAN-PIERRE.
>> HELLO.
PLEASURE TO BE WITH YOU TO TALK
ABOUT THE MOST VIGOROUS MAN I'VE
EVER KNOWN, JOE BIDEN.
I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND
CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A WHIRLWIND.
LOOK AT HIS SCHEDULE.
7:00 A.M., SOUL CYCLE CLASS, AND
HE LEADS IT.
8:30 A.M., PLAY SPEED CHESS IN
THE PARK.
8:32 A.M., WINS CHESS GAME,
POINTS AT OPPONENT AND SAYS,
NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD.
9:30 A.M., MEET WITH JOINT
CHIEFS FOR A MILITARY STRATEGY
NEATING AND PUSHUP CONTEST.
WINS CONTEST, POINTS AT THE HEAD
OF THE JOINT CHIEFS AND SAYS,
NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD.
THEN, TRAIN TIME.
THAT'S ALL BEFORE A LUNCH WHERE
HE EATS FIVE WHOLE CHICKENS AND
A RAW POTATO.
>> BIDEN IS 81 YEARS OLD.
ISN'T THAT A LITTLE CONCERNING?
>> ONLY IF YOU'RE SCARED OF
WISDOM.
JOE BIDEN WAS 34 YEARS OLD
BEFORE ROE VERSUS WADE WAS
STATED, SO YOU KNOW HE WAS
SMASHING.
HE DEALT WITH THOSE RESTRICTIONS
THEN AS A YOUNG HANDSOME MAN,
AND HE CAN DEAL WITH THEM NOW AS
AN OLD EVEN MORE HANDSOME MAN.
ASK ANYONE WHO WORKS WITH HIM
CLOSELY.
>> WE ARE NOW JOINED BY
ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
I'M EXHAUSTED.
I WAS WITH JOE BIDEN FOR THE
PAST WEEKEND, AND HE WIPED ME
OUT.
>> SO YOU FEEL HE'S UP TO THE
JOB?
>> DANA, I WAS JUST WITH HIM,
AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A
DYNAMO.
THIS WEEKEND, WE WENT DOWN TO
THE BORDER TOWN OF BROWNSVILLE,
TEXAS, AND JOE WENT TO BEAST
MODE.
HE SAID, WE GOT TO TIGHTEN THIS
BORDER, THEN HE WENT UP TO THE
TOP OF THE BORDER WALL, FRONT
FLIPPED INTO THE RIO GRAND AND
CAME BACK UP WITH A FISH IN HIS
MOUTH.
BUT YOU DIDN'T REPORT THAT
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR
NARRATIVE.
>> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, IT
DOESN'T FIT REALITY.
>> PLEASE.
WE WERE ALL JUST WITH HIM.
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US, ASK ONE
OF THE NBA'S FIERCEST PLAYERS,
DRAYMOND GREEN.
>> LET'S GO LIVE TO SAN
FRANCISCO.
HELLO, MR. GREEN.
>> WHAT'S UP, DANA.
WE TALKING ABOUT JOE BIDEN?
BECAUSE HE GOT THAT DOG IN HIM.
>> YOU MET THE PRESIDENT?
>> BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE IS
STRONG.
THAT MAN CAN JUMP SO HIGH THAT I
SAW HIM GRAB A DOLLAR OFF THE
BACK OF A BACK BOARD AND LEAVE
SOME CHANGE.
DID YOU KNOW HE DUNKED ON ME?
>> HE DUNKED ON YOU?
>> YEAH, IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL
TOO.
HE WIND MILLED IN MY FACE
TALKING ABOUT, YEAH, NEXT TIME
YOUNG BLOOD.
I WASN'T HAVING IT SO I TRY
TODAY PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS AND
BROKE THREE FINGERS.
YOU CAN'T MESS WITH JOE, MAN.
>> GOVERNOR, I HAVE TO SAY WE
ALL KNOW THE STAKES HERE, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO EXAGGERATE TO MAKE
VOTERS FEEL BETTER.
>> I'M NOT.
WHAT WE ARE SAYING ABOUT BIDEN
IS TRUE.
YOU WANT TO CALL HIM?
LET'S FACE TIME HIM.
I'LL BET HE'S PROBABLY IN THE
MIDDLE OF A BIKE RIDE.
CAN YOU PUT MY PHONE UP ON THE
SCREEN?
>> HEY!
HEY, ALL RIGHT!
IT'S GAVIN NEWSOM.
>> MR. PRESIDENT?
>> HOLD ON.
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN UP THE
VOLUME.
JUST GOT TO FIND THE BUTTON.
THERE WE --
>> WELL, LOOKS LIKE HE HUNG UP.
>> WHILE THE GOVERNOR TRIES TO
GET HIM BACK ON THE LINE, LET'S
TAKE A BREAK, AND LIVE FROM NEW
YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE" WITH --
FEATURING --
A FILM BY -- PLEASE DON'T DESTROY. MUSICAL GUEST -- KACEY
MUSGRAVES.
AND YOUR HOST -- SYDNEY SWEENEY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SYDNEY
SWEENEY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
MY NAME IS SYDNEY SWEENEY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME IN ANYONE
BUT YOU OR EUPHORIA.
YOU DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE ME IN
MADAM WEB.
BUT I DO HAVE A NEW FILM COMING
OUT CALLED IMMACULATE.
I PLAY A NUN, SO IT'S PERFECT
CASTING.
BUT TONIGHT, I'M EXCITED FOR
EVERYONE TO GET TO KNOW THE REAL
ME.
I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ONLY SEE ME
AS THE GIRL ON TV WHO SCREAMS,
CRIES, AND HAS SEX.
SOMETIMES IT'S ALL THREE AT THE
SAME TIME.
BUT I'M MORE THAN THAT.
I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED SPOKANE
RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF
WASHINGTON AND IDAHO.
I FEEL A BOND TO BOTH STATES,
LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHERE ARE
YOU FROM, I SAY WASHINGTON.
BUT WHEN PEOPLE ASK DID YOU GO
TO A TRUMP-THEMED PARTY FOR YOUR
MOM, I SAY, IDAHO.
IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO BE AN
ACTOR.
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY PARENTS
DROVE ME FROM SPOKANE TO LOS
ANGELES JUST TO AUDITION.
THAT'S A 19-HOUR DRIVE.
AND I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THEM FOR
BELIEVING IN ME.
AND I THINK THE REASON THEY DID
IS BECAUSE I PRESENTED THEM WITH
A FIVE-POINT PLAN TO BREAK INTO
ACTING.
I STILL HAVE IT.
CHECK IT OUT.
IT SAYS, AUDITION, GET AN AGENT,
DO COMMERCIALS AND SHORT FILMS,
THEN GET MY SAG CARD.
BUT IF THAT FAILED, I ALSO
PRESENTED THEM WITH A BACKUP
PLAN.
NEXT SLIDE.
WHILE I'M UP HERE, I DO WANT TO
TALK ABOUT SOME STUFF I'VE SEEN
ABOUT ME ONLINE.
LIKE I ONCE SAID THAT I USED TO
WORK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND
SOMEONE ONLINE ACCUSED ME OF
LYING ABOUT THAT, WHICH IS
INSANE.
IF I DIDN'T WORK THERE, HOW
WOULD I KNOW ALL THE UNIVERSAL
CHARACTERS LIKE SHROK, THE
MUNIONS AND HARRY PORTER.
THEN A WOMAN WENT VIRAL ON
TIKTOK BECAUSE SHE CLAIMED SHE'S
MY NUTRITIONIST.
I'M IN SHAPE BECAUSE I RUN,
AVOID SUGAR, AND DO OZEMPIC.
BUT THE CRAZIEST RUMOR IS THAT I
WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY
COSTAR GLENN POWELL.
THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE.
ME AND MY FIANCE PRODUCED THE
MOVIE TOGETHER, AND HE WAS THERE
THE ENTIRE SHOOT.
AND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYONE
KNOW THAT HE'S THE MAN OF MY
DREAMS, AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER
AND STRONGER THAN EVER.
HE EVEN CAME HERE TONIGHT TO
SUPPORT ME.
CAN WE CUT TO HIM?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S NOT MY FIANCE.
HE'S IN MY DRESSING ROOM!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
>>> ALL RIGHT.
GOOD MORNING, TEAM. IT'S MONDAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IT'S TIME TO TOUCH BASE ON OUR
LOGS OF COLD CASES.
FIRST WE HAVE TWO NEW INTERNS
HERE FOR COLLEGE CREDIT.
EVERYBODY, LET'S WELCOME OLIVIA
AND KAIA.
GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US
ABOUT YOURSELVES?
>> HI.
>> OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
FIRST UP, WE HAVE CASE FILE
442 -- OH, LOOK AT THAT.
BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN'S BODY
FOUND IN THE LAKE.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE SUSPECT IT WAS THE HUSBAND
AND THE MOTIVE WAS AN AFFAIR.
BUT STILL DON'T HAVE THE
EVIDENCE TO PIN IT ON HIM.
OUR LAST LEAD WAS A PLANE TICKET
WE FOUND IN HIS TRASH, BUT THE
TRAIL'S GONE COLD.
>> FOUND HIM.
>> WHAT'S THAT?
>> HE'S IN DELTONA.
>> WHAT?
HOW DID YOU FIND HIM?
>> INSTAGRAM, DUH.
>> YEAH.
IT WAS EASY.
I LOCKED INTO MY TROLL ACCOUNT
AND SAW WE HAD A MUTUAL, SO I
PEEPED HER IG, AND HE'S
LITERALLY ON GRID.
THE RECEIPTS ARE ALL THERE.
>> WELL, THAT'S VERY GOOD.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
>> WE'RE 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLS IN
SITUATIONSHIPS.
WE CAN FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT
ANYONE WITH LITERALLY NO
INFORMATION.
>> MY SCREEN TIME IS 23 HOURS A
DAY, AND THE OTHER HOUR, I'M
SHOPLIFTING FROM BRANDI
MELVILLE.
>> ALL RIGHT THEN.
COOL, COOL, COOL.
CASE CLOSED.
I GUESS WE CAN MOVE ON TO CASE
FILE 729.
LOOK AT THAT, ANOTHER PRETTY
NAKED WOMAN.
THIS TIME IN THE WOODS.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS.
WE SUSPECT IT WAS HER HIKING
BUDDY TONY.
HE CLAIMS HE WAS AT LUNCH WITH
HIS MOTHER AT THE TIME, BUT I
BET THAT'S BS.
>> HOW OLD IS HE?
>> HE'S 40.
>> SO FACEBOOK.
>> TONY'S ON THE LAM BUT BASED
ON HIS CELL PHONE DATA, WE CAN
LOCATE HIM TO IT, ARIZONA, AND
RHODE ISLAND.
>> FOUND HIM.
HERE.
WE'LL SHOW YOU.
HIS FACEBOOK IS PRIVATE, BUT HIS
MOM'S IS VERY MUCH PUBLIC.
SHE POSTS WHAT CAN ONLY BE
DESCRIBED AS A DIARY ENTRY EVERY
DAY.
>> ON TUESDAY, SHE WROTE I GOT
LUNCH WITH MY BEAUTIFUL SON,
SPLIT THE FAJITAS, I LOVE MY
SON.
>> WOW.
WE ARE REALLY BLOWING THROUGH
THESE.
ALL RIGHT.
CASE NUMBER 904.
ALL RIGHT.
MAN, ANOTHER GORGEOUS LADY FOUND
DEAD INSIDE THE MALL.
>> STOP CALLING THEM GORGEOUS.
>> I'M SORRY.
CAKED UP?
ANYWAY, WE THINK IT MIGHT BE
CONNECTED TO A BURGLARY AT THE
AUNTIE ANNIE'S.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I FOUND THE MANAGER'S DIGITS SO
I SHOT HIM A TEXT, BUT IT WASN'T
VERY BUSSEN, CAP?
>> YOU DON'T GOT TO TALK LIKE
THEM.
>> GOT IT.
>> FOUND THEM.
SO I DID A SEARCH, AND THEN I
GOT BORED AND ORDERED A SHIRT ON
DEPOP, AND THEN DOMINOS WAS
LIKE, I MISS YOU, AND I WAS
LIKE, FINE, I'LL GET A PIZZA.
>> AND THEN FROM TUMBLER, I
FOUND HIS TWITTER -- SORRY, X --
AND THEN A TOOK A BUZZ FEED
QUIZ.
>> I TOOK THAT SAME BUZZ FEED
QUIZ.
WHY DID YOU GET ANDY COHEN?
I AIN'T TRIPPING THOUGH.
I LIKE A LITTLE FRUIT IN MY
SALAD.
>> SO THEN I WATCHED HIS SNAP
CHAT STORY AND IT WAS JUST HIM
WITH A BUNCH OF SOFT PRETZELS
AND CASH.
AND YEAH, I HAVE SCREEN SHOTS,
SO YEA.
>> WELL, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T
TAKE SCREEN SHOTS ON SNAP CHAT,
THAT THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT YOU
CAN SEND WHATEVER.
>> NO.
YOU DEFINITELY CAN TAKE SCREEN
SHOTS.
>> I HAVE TO GO.
>> WELL, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING
TO HAVE A MEETING FOR THAT
TOMORROW.
ANYWAY, ON TO THE NEXT CASE.
>> PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.
>> OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT THIS.
A GORGEOUS FULLY CLOTHED WOMAN.
>> MY HUSBAND, I THOUGHT HE WAS
ON A BUSINESS TRIP, AND HE
HASN'T COME HOME FOR SIX WEEKS.
>> FOUND HIM.
GIRL, HE'S ON LOVE IS BLIND.
>> HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING
TO ME?
>> ALL RIGHT.
WELL, OLIVIA AND KAIA JUST
FINISHED ALL THE WORK WE HAD
PLANNED FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS,
SO Y'ALL WANT TO PLAY UNO.
>> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS?
>> NO, IT IS NOT.
I HAVE TO GO.
>>> I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GONE. >> MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GO HOME.
>> HEY, GUYS.
>> OH, HEY SYDNEY.
>> WHAT'S WRONG?
>> I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU
WITH THIS, BUT ONE OF OUR
FRIENDS JUST PASSED.
>> THAT'S HORRIBLE.
I'M SO SORRY.
>> YEAH.
>> DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT
HAPPENED?
>> SURE.
GOD, HE WAS ON VACATION IN
ARIZONA, AND -- THIS IS GOING TO
SOUND LIKE A JOKE -- BUT A
DONKEY KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS SO
HARD HE FELL INTO THE GRAND
CANYON.
>> WHAT?
>> MAYBE LET'S NOT LAUGH ABOUT
OUR FRIEND WHO JUST DIED.
>> WAIT, YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS?
>> YEAH.
BUT THE IMPACT DIDN'T KILL HIM
BECAUSE -- AND I KNOW THIS
SOUNDS SILLY, BUT HE WAS ON
ROLLER SKATES.
>> SO HE --
>> SHREDDED THE GRAND CANYON
LIKE A HALF PIPE, YEAH.
>> WOW, THAT'S --
>> BUT WHEN HE LANDED ON THE
OTHER SIDE -- AND I KNOW THIS IS
GOING TO SOUND CARTOONISH, BUT
HE SKADOOSH'D OFF A FAT GUY'S
STOMACH LIKE KUNG FU PANDA AND
EXPLODED ON SITE.
>> YOU GUYS AREN'T MESSING WITH
ME?
>> NO.
>> WHAT WAS HIS NAME?
>> REVEREND BUTT CHEEK P.
ROSENTHAL.
>> HE WAS SUCH AN AMAZING GUY.
HE WAS 4'3", AND -- THIS IS
GOING TO SOUND IMPROBABLE, BUT
1,500 POUNDS.
>> HIS DAD'S IN SHOW BUSINESS.
>> WHO WAS HIS DAD?
>> CHEF BOYARDEE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS,
BUT IT'S NOT OKAY TO LIE ABOUT
THIS KIND OF STUFF.
>> IF YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE
US, THERE'S A VIDEO OF THE
INCIDENT.
IT'S REALLY HARD TO WATCH.
>> HEY, GET A VIDEO OF ME WITH
THIS DONKEY.
>> BUTT CHEEK, GET AWAY FROM THE
EDGE.
>> OW, MY NUTS!
I'M DOING IT, I'M SHREDDING THE
GRAND CANYON!
I'M DOING IT!
I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON!
>> YEAH.
>> I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS.
SO IT WAS ALL TRUE.
>> YEAH.
>> ALL OF IT.
>> MR. BOYARDEE.
>> FOR LIFE'S TOUGHEST MOMENTS,
CHEF BOYARDEE.
>>> THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK FROM VACATION ROCHELLE. THE CHEER SQUAD WAS A DISASTER
WITHOUT YOU.
>> WE WERE TRASH WITHOUT YOU.
>> I KNOW.
SO HOW WAS THE GAME?
>> OKAY.
WE WERE LOSING BAD, BUT THEN THE
COACH SUBBED IN A NEW PLAYER,
AND HE WAS FIRE.
THE OTHER TEAM COMPLAINED, BUT
THERE WAS NO RULES SAYING HE
COULDN'T PLAY.
>> HE TOTALLY TURNED THE GAME
AROUND.
EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR FEET
CHEERING, AND HE WAS SO CUTE.
>> WAIT, THERE'S A NEW STAR
BASKETBALL PLAYER, AND I'M NOT
DATING HIM?
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
>> AIR BUD.
>> STEP ASIDE, LADIES.
THIS ONE IS MINE.
>> OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP ROCHELLE?
>> MOVE.
HEY.
YOU'RE BUD, RIGHT?
I'M ROCHELLE, HEAD CHEERLEADER.
THAT'S A COOL TONGUE.
GOD, YOU'RE SO HAIRY.
I LOVE THAT.
ARE YOU ITALIAN?
SO I HEARD YOU HAD QUITE THE
GAME ON FRIDAY.
I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THAT.
I WAS ON VACATION IN THE VIRGIN
ISLANDS WEARING A BIKINI.
SHUT UP!
I'M NOT EVEN THAT TAN!
OH, MY GOD, WAIT, I LOVE YOUR
NECKLACE.
I AM MICRO CHIPPED.
OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
I'M INTO POETRY TOO.
>> HEY, ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG.
>> WHATEVER, TYLER.
YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND
YOU BLEW IT.
I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE
AND YOU REFUSED.
>> HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET
TALLER?
>> IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME, YOU
WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT.
>> WHATEVER.
HEY, BUD, YOU WANT MY SANDWICH?
>> SOMEONE IS HUNGRY!
YOU'RE EATING SO FAST AND JUST
WITH YOUR MOUTH.
WAIT, AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED TO
BE EATING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF
A GIRL?
I GUESS NOT.
YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, WHICH OF
COURSE ONLY MAKES YOU HOTTER.
>> ROCHELLE, ARE YOU SO BLINDED
BY THE NEED TO BE POPULAR, YOU
CAN'T TELL THAT THAT'S A DOG?
>> WHATEVER, TRENT.
YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND
YOU BLEW IT.
YOU COULDN'T BE WHAT I NEEDED
YOU TO BE.
>> I'M SORRY MY FAMILY ISN'T
RICH.
>> SO WAS I.
>> HEY, BUD, READY FOR YOUR
WALK?
I GOT YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND
OUTSIDE.
>> WAIT, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME
ABOUT HER?
ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE
AND LET ME THROW MYSELF AT YOU
LIKE AN IDIOT?
OH, SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
TALK TO ME?
FINE.
I HOPE YOU AND THAT SLUT ARE
HAPPY BY THE WAY.
I HEARD SHE EATS GRASS, BARFS,
AND THEN EATS HER OWN BARF.
YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE ANY OF
THOSE THINGS.
JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT STRICT
ABOUT CONDOMS.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, I'LL JUST
SAY, BE CAREFUL, K, AND STILL GO
ALONG WITH IT.
NOT THAT YOU'LL EVER BENEFIT
FROM IT.
>> ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG.
>> YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
BYE, BUD.
>> WOW.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ROCHELLE GET
JEALOUS.
HEY, I'M CANDICE.
AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM
STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS.
I NEVER LET GUYS WEAR ONE.
>>> IN JUDGE KARLOTTA'S COURT, IF YOU DON'T FESS UP, YOU'RE GOING TO GET MESSED UP.
AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN
ONE JUDGE ON THE CASE IS THREE.
AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN
THREE JUDGES IS TEN.
BUT WHY STOP AT TEN WHEN YOU CAN
HAVE 17?
YOU'RE WATCHING BIG BENCH.
>> ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE
EVERYBODY.
>> THANK YOU, BAILIFF.
COURT IS NOW IN SESSION.
OKAY.
HEY, WE DON'T ALL NEED TO BANG
OUR GAVELS.
THEY HEAR IT.
WE GOT A LOT OF CASES AND EVEN
MORE JUDGES.
SO LET'S START.
PLAINTIFF, PLEASE STATE YOUR
NAME.
>> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.
MY NAME IS ASHLEY JOURNS AND I'M
HERE TO SAY ONE THING AND ONE
THING ONLY, THAT MAN IS A THIEF.
>> WHY WOULD I STEAL FROM HER?
SHE'S BROKE AS HELL.
>> HEY, THIS IS NOT A CIRCUS.
THIS IS A 17-JUDGE COURTROOM.
OKAY?
AND IF YOU WANT TO WIN TODAY,
YOU GOT TO GET A UNANIMOUS
DECISION FROM EVERY JUDGE UP
HERE.
I'M JUDGE CARLOTTA.
JUDGE TONKIN IS THE CRANKY ONE.
>> I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS.
>> JUDGE HUNK IS THE CUTE ONE.
>> I AM?
GOSH.
>> JUDGE ALEJANDRO IS CUTE AND
LATIN.
>> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ].
>> AND JUDGE BEN, WELL, HE'S
GAY.
>> IMAGINE THAT, A GAY JUDGE.
>> EXACTLY.
NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT.
MS. JOURNS, YOU SAID THIS MAN
STOLE SOMETHING FROM YOU.
WHAT DID HE STEAL?
>> MY HEART, MY CAR, AND MY
DISCOVERY CARD, BUT MOSTLY MY
HEART.
>> OKAY.
OKAY.
THIS IS JUICY.
NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION.
>> WHAT CAN I SAY, YOUR HONOR,
I'M A BAD BOY.
>> OKAY, MR. PALEST ARMS ON
EARTH.
LET US BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
>> PLUS HER CAR IS WHACK AND HER
DISCOVER CARD IS MAXED.
THIS IS VERY UNFAIR.
>> WHATEVER INJUSTICE YOU MAY
FEEL THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE GONE
THROUGH AS A JUDGE WHO IS ALSO A
GAY MAN.
>> YOU'RE FINE.
SO MS. JOURNS, WHERE DID YOU
MEET THIS MAN?
>> I MET HIM AT MY SISTER'S
WEDDING WHERE HE WAS MARRYING MY
SISTER.
>> THIS IS JUICY AS HELL.
HOW DOES YOUR SISTER FEEL ABOUT
THAT?
>> ASK HER YOURSELF.
I BROUGHT HER WITH ME TODAY.
>> I TOLD HER TO GO FOR IT.
I JUST WANTED HIS ASS OUT OF THE
HOUSE.
>> HANG ON.
MA'AM, YOU CANNOT SMOKE IN HERE.
>> OH, I'M SO SORRY.
>> OKAY.
THESE PEOPLE ARE THE CRAZIEST
PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT I GOT
TO INTRODUCE SOME MORE JUDGES.
JUST BELOW ME IS JUDGE SHINER,
OUR SWEET SIMPLE PERVERT.
>> MAYBE EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST
KISS.
>> NEXT TO HIM IS JUDGE TOOTIE,
WHO WE HAD TO HIRE BECAUSE SHE'S
JUDGE JUDY'S NIECE.
>> HEY, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE
THAT.
DO YOU KNOW WHO MY AUNT IS?
>> AND THAT'S JUDGE WANDA WHO
GOT HIT ON THE HEAD AND NOW
THINKS SHE'S ON SHARK TANK.
>> THE MARKET DOESN'T NEED
ANOTHER HARD SELTZER, AND FOR
THAT REASON, I'M OUT.
>> DID I MENTION JUDGE BEN IS
GAY?
>> A GAY JUDGE?
WHAT'S NEXT, A DOG JUDGE?
>> WHY, YES, THAT IS NEXT.
HOW YOU DOING, JUDGE WOOF?
ALL RIGHT.
MS. JOURNS, WE'RE READY FOR YOUR
FINAL STATEMENT.
>> WOW.
WHAT JUDGE WOOF JUST SAID JUST
STRUCK ME DEEP.
I REALIZED NOBODY'S PERFECT.
NOT EVEN ME.
I'M GOING TO DROP THE CASE.
>> WELL, THAT'S MAYBE THE NICEST
THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME.
>> NOW KISS?
>> NO, NO, NO.
I THINK WE'RE READY TO RULE.
>> GUILTY.
>> CHIPOTLE.
>> PANERA.
>> OKAY.
I THINK WE ORDERING LUNCH NOW.
>> HAMBURGER MARY'S.
>> AND PANERA IT IS.
NOW WE END THE SHOW LIKE WE
ALWAYS DO, WITH THE WAVE.
>> WHOO!
>> COURT'S DISMISSED.
GO ON AND SHOW THE LOGO.
>> BIG BENCH.
>>> OKAY. CAN I TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING SUPER EMBARRASSING?
I HAVE LIKE AN ITSY BITSY CRUSH
ON SOMEONE HERE I THINK.
>> WHAT?
>> WHO?
LENNY PICKET?
>> NO.
BOWEN.
>> LIKE, BOYGENIUS, Y'ALL ARE
GIVING GIRL DUMB ASS.
>> HE'S SO FUNNY AND HE'S SWEET.
OBVIOUSLY IT CAN'T BE ANYTHING.
>> GIRL, YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY
GO FOR IT.
>> BUT ISN'T HE -- ISN'T HE GAY?
>> GAY?
NO, BOWEN'S STRAIGHT.
>> YEAH, STRAIGHT AS THEY
BOWEN JUST PLAYS GAY ON THE SHOW
BECAUSE IT'S A SHORT CUT TO
LAUGHS.
>> SO HE HOOKS UP WITH GIRLS?
>> OH, YEAH, HOT GIRLS TOO.
BOWEN PULLS.
>> I HAD NO IDEA.
>> HEY, HEY.
>> BABY, I'VE MISSED YOU SO
MUCH.
>> GINA, WHEN I'M AT WORK, GOT
TO CUT OUT THE BABE STUFF.
>> IS THAT GINA GERSHON?
>> ANYWAY, THE IDEA IS SYDNEY
SWEENEY TODD, THE TALE OF SYDNEY
SWEENEY TODD.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.
>> IT'LL BE FUNNY WHEN WE DO IT.
>> HEY, BABY GIRL.
WHERE'S MY SMILE?
>> BOWEN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
STRAIGHT.
>> OH, YEAH.
I'M FULL HETERO.
THAT'S BETTER.
>> SO, WHAT'S YOUR TYPE?
>> OH, YOU KNOW, BLOND, SMART,
HEAVY NATURALS.
>> OH, YEAH?
>> WHAT'S YOURS?
>> ASIAN PODCASTERS.
>> I KNOW A FEW OF THOSE.
>> HEY, SYDNEY, ARE YOU COMING
TO SET?
>> YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
>> WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF LAUGHING
WITH THE LITTLE BOYS, LET ME
KNOW.
>> SWEEN!
>> YOU'RE SO [ BLEEP ] NOT!
WAIT!
DO WE NEED PROTECTION?
>> IT'S FINE.
I'M ON PREP.
>> THAT WAS AMAZING.
HEY, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN.
>> OH.
YEAH, I HAVE A LOT GOING ON.
>> RIGHT.
TOTALLY.
>> PLUS I GOT TO KEEP UP
APPEARANCES WITH THE WHOLE GAY
THING.
IT'S SORT OF MY MEAL TICKET.
>> WAIT.
CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT?
>> YOU DON'T GET IT, OKAY?
I DON'T WANT THIS.
I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE.
>> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
>> IT MEANS GET OFF MY BACK.
WHATEVER.
I'M GOING TO PARIS.
>> I GOT PLAYED BY BOWEN YANG.
>> WELCOME TO THE CLUB, MAMA.
>> WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT
HIM?
>> SOME LESSONS YOU GOT TO LEARN
FOR YOURSELF.
>> I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE.
>> NEVER SAY NEVER.
>> NO THANK YOU.
>> GET OUT!
>>> OH, YES! >> IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY, WE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR
WEDDING DAY!
>> OKAY, DOLL FACE.
YOU READY TO SEE YOUR MAKEUP?
>> YOU KNOW I AM.
>> ALL RIGHT.
BIG REVEAL IN THREE, TWO, ONE.
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I
WANTED, ANG AND TRYST, YOU ARE
MAGICIANS.
>> WELL, WE HAD AN AMAZING
CANVAS.
YOU LOOK LIKE PRINCESS DI --
BEFORE!
>> YOU'RE HILARIOUS.
CAN WE GET TWO MORE BRIDESMAID
DRESSES IN HERE?
>> YEAH.
TWO DRESSES FOR ME PLEASE TO FIT
MY FAT ASS INTO.
>> JULES, CAN I TALK TO YOU
REALLY QUICKLY?
OUTSIDE, ALONE.
>> WAIT, WHAT?
ARE YOU DOING A BIT RIGHT NOW?
>> NO.
I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING.
LET'S GO OUT IN THE HALL.
>> OKAY.
YOU'RE BEING SO WEIRD, KATE.
JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.
>> GAVIN LEFT.
>> WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE
LEFT?
>> AND HE WROTE YOU A NOTE.
>> I REALIZED I DON'T LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
>> I'M SO SORRY, JULES.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> SHOOT.
SHOOT.
>> I HATE THIS.
>> THIS IS SO TOUGH.
THIS IS SO TOUGH.
JUST, UM, SHOOT.
SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT.
JUST, UM, WHENEVER YOU GET THE
CHANCE, IF YOU COULD JUST VENMO
US.
>> WHAT?
>> I KNOW THIS IS TOUGH.
IT'S JUST, IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF
WE DON'T GET PAID BEFORE WE
LEAVE, THEN WE WON'T EVER GET
PAID.
>> WAIT, DIDN'T WE PAY YOU
ALREADY?
>> SHOOT.
SHOOT, I'M EMBARRASSED.
>> YEAH.
YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
>> GAVIN JUST TEXTED.
DAMN IT, I KNEW IT.
HE WANTS TO EXPLORE THINGS
FURTHER WITH HIS COWORKER SASHA.
>> OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> BUCK TOOTH SASHA?
>> THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
>> MEN ARE DOGS.
>> SHOOT.
THIS IS BRUTAL.
>> YEAH.
JUST -- SHOOT.
WHENEVER -- WHENEVER YOU GET THE
CHANCE --
>> AND NO RUSH -- AND NO RUSH.
>> IF YOU COULD JUST LEAVE A
REVIEW ON OUR YELP.
>> RIGHT NOW?
>> IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF YOU
DON'T GET THE REVIEW BEFORE YOU
LEAVE, YOU NEVER GET IT.
>> WRITE WHATEVER, LIKE MAYBE IF
MY FIANCE SAW MY GORGEOUS FACE,
HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT.
>> ENOUGH.
HE HAVE FIANCE JUST LEFT.
>> I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL
ANYBODY, BUT --
>> WHAT IS IT?
>> I'M TWO MONTHS PREGNANT.
MY BABY WON'T EVEN HAVE A
FATHER.
>> SHOOT, SHOOT.
HONEY, HONEY, OKAY.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY.
>> I KNOW.
I NEED TO BE STRONG.
>> BECAUSE WE -- WE STILL NEED A
PIC FOR OUR WEBSITE.
>> YEAH.
YEAH.
WE GOT -- SMILE INTO THE iPAD.
WE GOT KICKED OFF INSTAGRAM FOR
COMMENTING SNITCH ON ALL OF LEAH
REMINI'S POSTS.
>> I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KILL
YOU.
>> MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT FOR
RUSHING THE WEDDING.
I JUST WANTED TO GET MARRIED
WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS STILL
ALIVE, AND OF COURSE SHE PASSED
AWAY TWO WEEKS AGO.
>> SHOOT, SHOOT.
IS THERE ANY SHELL FISH IN THIS
CAKE?
>> NO.
IT'S A CAKE.
PLEASE LEAVE.
>> SHOOT.
YOU KNOW, I WOULD BE KICKING
MYSELF IF I DIDN'T MENTION IT,
BUT MY BROTHER'S SINGLE.
>> HE'S HILARIOUS.
>> AND HE GETS OUT OF HIS
HALFWAY HOUSE IN APRIL, SO.
>> REALLY?
I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S NICE TO
IMAGINE DATING AGAIN.
>> SHOOT.
>> I JUST REMEMBERED HE HATES
PREGNANT WOMEN.
>> SHOOT!
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KACEY MUSGRAVES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪
♪ MY SATURN HAS RETURNED
WHEN I TURNED TWENTY-SEVEN
EVERYTHING
STARTED TO CHANGE ♪
♪ TOOK A LONG TIME
BUT I LEARNED
THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE ♪
♪ ONE IS A GIVER
AND ONE'S
ALWAYS TRYIN' TO TAKE
ALL THEY CAN TAKE ♪
♪ SO I'M SAYIN' GOODBYE
TO THE PEOPLE THAT I FEEL
ARE REAL GOOD
AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪
♪ NO REGRETS BABY
I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE
YOU GO YOUR WAY
AND I'LL GO MINE ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN
A REAL GOOD TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU GOT DARK ENERGY
SOMETHIN' I CAN'T UNSEE
AND I'VE GOT TO
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ♪
♪ I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪
♪♪
♪ I USED TO WAKE AND BAKE
ROLL OUT OF BED
HIT THE GRAVITY BONG
THAT I MADE ♪
♪ AND START THE DAY ♪
♪ FOR A WHILE IT GOT ME BY
EVERYTHING I DID
SEEMED BETTER WHEN I WAS HIGH
I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪
♪ SO I'M GETTIN' RID
OF THE HABITS THAT I FEEL
ARE REAL GOOD
AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪
♪ NO REGRETS BABY
I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE
IT'S NATURAL WHEN THINGS
LOSE THEIR SHINE ♪
♪ SO OTHER THINGS CAN GLOW
I'VE GOTTEN OLDER NOW
I KNOW ♪
♪ HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪
♪♪
♪ WHEN I WAS GROWING UP
WE HAD WHAT WE NEEDED
SHOES ON OUR FEET ♪
♪ BUT THE WORLD
WAS AS FLAT AS A PLATE
AND THAT'S OKAY ♪
♪ THE THINGS I WAS TAUGHT
ONLY TOOK ME SO FAR
HAD TO FIGURE
THE REST OUT MYSELF ♪
♪ AND THEN I FOUND
I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪
♪♪
♪ MM-MM
MM
♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
>>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PRESIDENT BIDEN VISITED THE
SOUTHERN BORDER ON THURSDAY AND
WAS HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER IT IS
BEING SWARMED BY CRIMINALS AND
RAPISTS.
THAT'S RIGHT, BOTH BIDEN AND
TRUMP COINCIDENTALLY VISITED THE
BORDER ON THE SAME DAY, WHICH
SOUNDS LIKE THE SETUP FOR THE
WEIRDEST ROM COM OF ALL TIME.
MY FAVORITE PART OF THE VISIT
WAS WHEN TRUMP, WHO LOOKS GOOD
BEHIND BARS BY THE WAY, FINALLY
CAME FACE TO FACE WITH HIS SWORN
ENEMIES, THE MIGRANTS, AND HE
HAD A PRETTY HARSH MESSAGE FOR
THEM.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> THEY LIKE TRUMP, CAN YOU
BELIEVE IT?
>> NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE MIGRANTS DON'T LIKE YOU.
THEY JUST WALKED A THOUSAND
MILES TO GET TO THE EDGE OF THIS
RIVER, AND THEY'RE PROBABLY
THINKING IS THAT GUY IN A TRUMP
COSTUME WAVING US INTO THE
COUNTRY?
>> MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE
CATCHING UP ON NEWS FROM THE
MIDDLE EAST, ANNOUNCED HE WILL
STEP DOWN AS THE REPUBLICAN
LEADER IN THE SENATE.
McCONNELL HAS LEADER FOR ALMOST
20 YEARS, BUT HE FIRST GOT
INVOLVED IN POLITICS BACK IN
1968 WHEN HE LOST A FIDDLE
CONTEST TO THE DEVIL.
MANY ARE SAYING HE IS LEAVING
BECAUSE OF HIS BAD RELATIONSHIP
WITH DONALD TRUMP.
COME ON, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE
SOMEBODY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T
STILL HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL
WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I ALMOST FEEL LIKE THAT WAS
ABOUT ME.
MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE
WALKING OUT OF A THEATER AFTER
WATCHING 12 YEARS A SLAVE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
-- ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN
IN NOVEMBER.
HE'LL BE REPLACE TD BY THE
CURRENT NUMBER TWO REPUBLICAN IN
THE SENATE, A FROZEN EMBRYO
HOLDING AN ASSAULT RIFLE.
MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE AFTER
REARRANGING A BLIND WOMAN'S
FURNITURE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
-- GAVE A MOVING SPEECH ON THE
SENATE FLOOR ANNOUNCING HIS
RETIREMENT, WHICH MADE ME START
TO ADMIRE MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN
HERE WATCHING A SINGLE MOTHER
SELL HER BLOOD FOR DIAPER MONEY.
>> MISSISSIPPI REPUBLICAN
SENATOR CINDY HYDE SMITH BLOCKED
A BILL THAT WOULD PROTECT ACCESS
TO IN VITRO VERTLIZATION BECAUSE
AS THEY SAY IN MISSISSIPPI, IF
YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE
CONCEIVING, JUST TRY WITH A
DIFFERENT COUSIN.
AFTER NIKKI HALEY'S POOR SHOWING
IN MICHIGAN, PRESSURE IS
MOUNTING FOR HER TO DROP OUT OF
THE RACE, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE THE
DISHES ARE PILING UP AT HOME.
THANK YOU.
>> PRESIDENT BIDEN WENT TO
WALTER REID MEDICAL CENTER FOR
HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL.
DOCTORS SAID BIDEN WAS FIT AS A
FIDDLE IN THAT HE'S OLD-TIMEY
AND HELD TOGETHER BY STRINGS.
>> IN AN INTERVIEW, SENATOR MITT
ROMNEY SAID HE WILL NOT VOTE FOR
DONALD TRUMP OVER JOE BIDEN.
SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER MITT
ROMNEY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, GUYS, MY PRAYERS HAVE
BEEN ANSWERED.
ABC HAS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED
THEY'LL BE MAKING A SEASON OF
THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE.
HERE TO PROVIDE TIPS ON HAVING
CONFIDENCE AT ANY AGE IS A WOMAN
THAT'S AGING GRACEFULLY.
>> YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT, COLIN.
I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M A
LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER,
AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER.
GUESS MY AGE.
GO AHEAD, GUESS MY AGE.
>> NO THANK YOU.
>> GREAT.
BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAY A WOMAN'S
AGE IS LIKE A SPEED LIMIT,
IGNORE IT UNLESS YOU'RE IN A
SCHOOL ZONE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ANYWAY, YOU'RE HERE TO SHARE
TIPS FOR WOMEN TO FEEL CONFIDENT
AT ANY AGE?
>> YEAH.
IT'S ALL ABOUT WORKING WITH WHAT
YOU GOT.
YOU KNOW, SOME OF THESE GIRLS
TODAY HAVE HAD SO MUCH WORK
DONE.
I'M LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU?
MY CONDO?
>> RIGHT.
BECAUSE YOU'RE AGING GRACEFULLY.
>> EXACTLY.
THAT'S WHY I JUST DO THE LITTLE
STUFF, LITTLE BOTOX HERE, LITTLE
JUVEDERM HERE, MY EARS HAVE BEEN
LOWERED, AND MY BROWS ARE MY
PUBES.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> YOU DON'T GET IT.
YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.
>> I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GET
IT.
WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SHOW
COMING OUT, WHAT WOULD YOUR
ADVICE BE FOR THE NEW GOLDEN
BACHELORETTE.
>> I ALWAYS SAY KEEP THEIR
BELLIES FULL, THE GAME ON, AND
DON'T WHINE.
>> THAT'S TERRIBLE ADVICE.
>> AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET
WORK DONE, BE LIKE MY CONDO,
JUST OWN IT.
SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO.
SO WHEN I GET TWEAKS, I ADMIT
IT.
I'LL ADMIT, I'VE HAD THE JURY
SEN TAKE A LITTLE OFF MY ASS AND
PUT IT IN MY LIPS.
BUT HE PROMISED IF I TAKE CRAP,
HE'LL PUT IT BACK.
SO FAR, NO CRAP.
>> THAT'S GENUINELY DISGUSTING.
>> YOU DON'T GET IT.
YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.
PLASTIC SURGERY IS LIKE A JENGA
TOWER.
TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, PUT
IT ON THE BOTTOM SQUP IT ALL
FALLS APART.
WHEN IT COMES TO MEN, JUST
REMEMBER THESE TEN THINGS.
KEEP THE FRIDGE STOCKED, FRIDGE
FULL, LAUGH AT HIS JOKES, DON'T
VOTE, MAKE LUNCH, AND TAKE IT
FROM ME, DON'T SLEEP WITH HIS
SON.
>> DID YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE'S
SON?
>> IT'S SO SAD.
SOME OF THESE GIRLS ARE FLYING
ALL THE WAY TO BRAZIL TO GET A
NEW BOOTY WHEN YOU CAN DRIVE 20
MINUTES TO THE MECHANIC FOR A
NIPPLE REPLACEMENT.
>> I'M SORRY, A NIPPLE
REPLACEMENT?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
AND THEY CAME FROM A GUY, SO
NOW, I CAN SHOW MY RACK ON TV.
>> PLEASE LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON.
I HAVE TO SAY FOR SOMEONE WHO'S
AGING GRACEFULLY, YOU'VE HAD A
LOT OF WORK DONE.
>> IT'S NOT WORK IF IT'S
WORKING.
SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO.
ALL RIGHT.
BY THE WAY, THESE ARE DONOR
EYES.
>> THEY'RE DONOR EYES?
>> I KNOW, RIGHT?
WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS, JUST
REMEMBER THESE 40 THINGS.
TV IN THE BED BEDROOM, BEER
FRIDGE IN THE BATHROOM, AND IF
YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIS
SON, DON'T FALL IN LOVE.
GUESS MY AGE.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
63.
>> FLIP THE NUMBERS AND ADD A 0.
>> SO 360?
>> OH, A 360?
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK.
>> OH, MY GOD.
ARE THOSE BINDER CLIPS?
>> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY PLASTIC SURGEON WORKS AT
OFFICE MAX.
>> A WOMAN AGING GRACEFULLY,
EVERYONE.
>> I LIED.
I RENT MY CONDO.
>> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT SOUTH
KOREA NOW HAS THE WORLD'S LOWEST
BIRTH RATE, DESPITE THE EFFORTS
OF SOUTH KOREAN ENTERTAINER,
NICK CANN UN.
>> I HEARD YOU.
A NEW TREND AMONG PARENTS IS TO
CHOOSE BABY NAMES THAT SOUND
COOL AS TIKTOK HANDLES.
GREAT NEWS FOR LITTLE BABY TRICK
SHOT COVID HOAX.
FLACO, THE BELOVED OWL THAT
ESCAPED FROM THE CENTRAL PARK
ZOO DIED LAST WEEK AFTER HE FLEW
INTO A BUILDING.
FLACO WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS
FAMOUS LAST WORDS, OH, COOL,
ANOTHER OWL.
>> STATEN ISLAND OFFICIALS ARE
HOLDING A SEPARATE ST. PATRICK'S
DAY PARADE THAT WILL WELCOME
LBGTQ GROUPS WHO WERE BANNED
FROM THE OFFICIAL PARADE.
SADLY ON STATEN ISLAND, LBGTQ
STANDS FOR LET'S GO BULLY THE
QUEERS.
I KNOW.
THAT'S A -- THAT'S NOT WHAT IT
SHOULD STAND FOR.
>> I FEEL ATTACKED.
A NEW STUDY CLAIMS FREMONT,
CALIFORNIA IS THE HAPPIEST CITY
IN AMERICA, WHILE THE SADDEST
CITY IN AMERICA IS ONCE AGAIN
PUPPY GRAVE, INDIANA.
WHICH INCIDENTALLY IS THE
FAVORITE VACATION SPOT OF MITCH
McCONNELL.
>> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY
MONTH, WHICH IS --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
-- WHICH IS ALWAYS NICE, EXCEPT
FOR THAT ONE WEEK WHERE IT'S A
HUGE BITCH.
>> REMEMBER WHEN YOU CHEERED FOR
THE BEGINNING?
KFC HAS INTRODUCED A NEW ITEM
THAT'S A COMBO OF FRIED CHICKEN
AND PIZZA CALLED CHEETZA THOUGH
THEY WARN IT COULD CAUSE A
REACTION CALLED VOMIRRHEA.
>> CHARLOTTE, A ROUND STING RAY
THAT'S LIVED FOR YEARS WITHOUT A
MALE COMPANION IS PREGNANT
MAKING PEOPLE WONDER WHO'S THE
FATHER AND HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.
HERE TO COMMENT IS CHARLOTTE,
THE PREGNANT STING RAY.
>> MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL,
BOY DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU.
YOU GON' BE A DADDY!
>> WHAT?
STOP PLAYING.
>> NO, YOU STOP PLAYING.
I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE RIGHT NOW.
ALL THIS ATTENTION IS A LOT FOR
ME.
MAYBE THIS FAME STUFF IS NORMAL
FOR YOU, BUT YOU DO NOT WANT TO
BE A FAMOUS ANIMAL.
YOU SEEN HOW THEY DID HARAMBAY
RIGHT?
>> PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED HOW YOU
GOT PREGNANT.
>> DO YOU KNOW HOW INSULTING IT
IS TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT YOU
AND SAY WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT?
I'LL TELL YOU WHO, MR. "WEEKEND
UPDATE" AND HIS LATEX ALLERGY.
>> WE'RE GOING TO STOP WITH
THAT, OKAY?
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU GOT
PREGNANT VIA IMMACULATE
CONCEPTION.
>> YEAH, IT WAS IMMACULATE IN
THAT YOU IMMACK LATED, THEN I
IMMACK LATED THREE TIMES BACK TO
BACK.
I WOULD SAY YOU BROKE MY BACK,
BUT I AIN'T GOT NO BONES.
>> I DON'T LIKE THIS.
SO THIS IS A VIRGIN CONCEPTION?
>> MICHAEL, I AIN'T BEEN A
VIRGIN SINCE I WAS TWO, AND
THAT'S LATE FOR A STING RAY.
IF YOU MUST KNOW, I GOT A
FOUR-DIGIT BODY COUNT.
>> HOLD ON.
FOUR DIGITS?
>> SO YOU JEALOUS?
YOU DON'T NEED TO BE INSECURE,
BOO.
YOU PUT IT DOWN BETTER THAN ALL
THEM FISH.
AFTER YOU SWUNG BY MY TANK,
LET'S JUST SAY A BITCH COULDN'T
SWIM STRAIGHT FOR WEEKS.
>> CHARLOTTE, HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR
A MAIL STING RAY?
>> OH, I'VE BEEN NEAR MALES, BUT
NONE OF THEM BEEN MEN.
NONE OF THEM BEEN MR. MICHAEL
CHE.
>> CHARLOTTE, RELAX.
DON'T FEMALE STING RAYS MATE
WITH MULTIPLE MALES AND IN THE
SPRING --
>> OKAY, NAT GEO, THAT IS NOT
YOUR BUSINESS.
MULTIPLE MALES.
YOU NOT ABOUT TO HAVE ME ON TV
LOOKING LIKE A HO.
YOU TALKING REAL CRAZY SITTING
NEXT TO A STING RAY YOU KNOCKED
UP.
YOU LUCKY I'M KEEPING IT.
I WAS LIKE, DAMN, GUESS I'M
HAVING A LITTLE CHE RAY.
>> WELL, YOU'RE NOT JUST
PREGNANT WITH ONE.
I HEARD YOU'RE HAVING
QUADRUPLETS.
>> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH
FOUR OF YOUR BABIES?
THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN SUPPORT
FOUR BABIES.
YOU WORK ONE DAY A WEEK.
QUESTION.
WHO'S THE BEST ABORTION DOCTOR?
I KNOW YOU THE
>>> OKAY. LET'S SEE WHAT I MADE IN TIPS TODAY.
40, 41, 42 BUCKS.
NOT BAD.
>> DAMN, I MADE 39.
SO CLOSE.
>> WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M THE TIP
QUEEN TONIGHT.
HOW ABOUT YOU, NEW GIRL?
>> OH.
LET ME SEE.
>> YEAH.
HOW MUCH TIPS DID YOU MAKE?
>> 31, 32, $36,000.
>> JESUS.
>> WHAT?
>> IS THAT LOW?
>> I WOULDN'T SAY LOW.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, TINA.
>> WELL, ANOTHER BAD DAY FOR
DENNIS.
ALL I GOT IN TIPS WAS 12 CENTS
AND THIS NOTE THAT SAID, YOU
RUINED MY DAY.
>> WELL, THAT'S THE JOB.
IT'S UP AND IT'S DOWN SOMETIMES.
>> YEAH.
TABLE SIX STIFFED ME.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
>> I'M SO SORRY.
I HAD TO RUN TO THE BANK.
HERE'S YOUR TIP, NEW GIRL.
DAMN SHE FINE.
>> THAT IS INSANE.
I SERVED THAT GUY LAST WEEK.
WHEN I BROUGHT THE CHECK, HE
PATTED HIS POCKETS AND SAID,
SORRY, I JUST GOT LAID OFF.
>> WHEN I SERVED HIM, HE SAID
ARE THERE ANY LADIES WHO WORK
HERE?
>> OKAY, GUYS, RAZZ THE NEW
GIRL.
BUT HONESTLY, I THINK IT'S JUST
ABOUT GREAT SERVICE.
WATCH.
I'M GOING TO GO DEAL WITH TABLE
EIGHT.
HI, BOYS.
WHO WANTS A REFILL?
>> US, US, WE DO!
>> COMING RIGHT UP.
OH, MY GOSH.
I AM SUCH A KLUTZ.
I AM SO SORRY.
>> IT'S OKAY.
ANYTHING YOU DO IS OKAY.
>> OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A
LITTLE BEER LEFT IN THE PITCHER.
WHO WANTS SOME?
YOU?
>> OH, WHAT THE HECK.
SURE.
>> OKAY.
>> OH, AWESOME.
THE BEST PART IS I'VE BEEN SOBER
FOR 22 YEARS, AND THAT'S OVER
NOW.
>> HEY, CAN WE BUY YOU A CAR OR
SOMETHING?
>> YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS.
SEE.
WAS THAT SO HARD?
>> YOU SPILLED ALL OVER THEM AND
MADE ONE GUY RELAPSE.
>> THEY JUST LIKE YOU.
WATCH.
HEY, GUYS, I JUST WANTED TO
OFFER YOU A FREE ROUND.
>> I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT
THERE.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU.
I WANT OTHER GIRL.
>> AND I'LL TAKE THAT.
>> GREAT.
SO, YEAH, IT WAS A LITTLE
DIFFERENT FOR ME.
>> YEAH.
EXACTLY.
WATCH THIS.
HELLO, MY GUYS.
>> NO!
>> OF COURSE.
>> SEE.
NO OFFENSE, TINA, BUT YOU'RE
MAKING US FEEL BAD AND YOU'RE
TAKING ALL OUR TIPS.
>> YEAH.
MAYBE HOOTERS ISN'T THE RIGHT PLACE FOR YOU.
>> OH.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT
THIS PLACE WAS THE ONE PLACE I
WOULD FEEL AT HOME.
I'VE TRIED TO WORK AT OTHER
JOBS, AND I CAN'T.
I WORKED AT AN AIRPORT, NO
PLANES TOOK OFF.
I WAS A CROSSING GUARD,
THOUSANDS DIED.
BUT IF YOU DON'T THINK I BELONG
AT HOOTERS, I'LL GO.
>> WAIT!
>> OH, MY GOD, HOOTERS MASCOT
HOOTER THE OWL?
>> THAT'S ME.
AND I CAME TO SAY YOU CAN'T
LEAVE.
YOU ARE MY HARRY POTTER, AND
THIS IS YOUR HOGWARTS.
SO PLEASE STAY.
>> IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO.
OKAY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> AND WHAT ABOUT US?
>> I DON'T CARE.
NOW, I MUST GO.
I HAVE A FUNERAL TO ATTEND.
MY FRIEND FLACO FLEW INTO A
BUILDING.
I'M VERY SAD.
SO IF SOMEONE COULD SHOW ME
THEIR BREASTS.
>> I'LL DO IT.
>> I'LL JUST LEAVE.
>> GOOD-BYE, HOOTER THE OWL!
>>> ONCE AGAIN, KACEY MUSGRAVES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪
♪♪
♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST
MADE SOME LOVE
THIS IS WHAT DREAMS
ARE MADE OF ♪
♪ ON A CLOUDY
MONDAY MORNING ♪
♪ SUMMER'S GONE
AND YOU'RE STILL HERE
FOR BOTH OF US
IT'S BEEN A YEAR ♪
♪ A TIDAL WAVE
WITHOUT A WARNING ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T
MAKE ME REGRET ♪
♪ OPENIN' UP
THAT PART OF MYSELF
THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED
TO GIVE AGAIN ♪
♪ BE GOOD TO ME
AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU
BUT PLEASE DON'T BE
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪
♪ IN MY MIND
WE'RE IN NEW YORK
YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE ♪
♪ BUT BABY
NOW IT'S OUR TOWN ♪
♪ I'LL ADMIT
THAT I'M IN DEEP
THAT I DON'T KNOW
HOW ELSE TO BE ♪
♪ AND I DON'T WANNA
SLOW DOWN ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T
MAKE ME REGRET ♪
♪ OPENIN' UP
THAT PART OF MYSELF
THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED
TO GIVE AGAIN ♪
♪ BE GOOD TO ME
AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU
BUT PLEASE DON'T BE
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪
♪♪
♪ OH
MM-MM
OH-OH
MM-MM ♪
♪♪
♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST
MADE SOME LOVE
IF THIS IS WHAT DREAMS
ARE MADE OF ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T WAKE ME ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> BLAND. >> GENERIC. >> DOWN RIGHT UNINVITING.
>> IF THESE ARE THE VIBES YOU'RE
GOING FOR, THEN WE'RE YOUR
GIRLS.
>> BECAUSE WE'RE THE NATION'S
NUMBER ONE INTERIOR DESIGNERS
FOR -- AIRBNBs.
♪♪
>> I'M CHANEL.
>> AND I'M CHANNEL.
>> AND TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE
YOUR RENTALS POP WITH PLAIN
FURNITURE AND ART FOR NOBODY.
>> ART PIECES LIKE --
>> ALBERT EINSTEIN WITH HIS
TONGUE OUT.
>> BLACK AND WHITE CHILD HOLDING
RED BALLOON.
AND OF COURSE, A SINGLE
UNSETTLING PHOTO OF THE FAMILY
THAT ACTUALLY LIVES HERE.
WHY STAY IN A HOTEL WHEN FOR
BASICALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF
MONEY YOU CAN STAY IN A PLACE
WITH WORSE SHEETS AND A CAMERA
IN THE TOILET.
>> HI.
>> BUT OUR DESIGNS AREN'T JUST
BEAUTIFUL BUT ALSO FUNCTIONAL.
>> THAT'S WHY WE'LL MAKE SURE
YOUR LISTING HAS -- AN
IMPOSSIBLY COMPLICATED LOCK BOX,
700 K CUPS.
>> 12-PAGE PACKET ON HOW TO TAKE
OUT THE GARBAGE.
>> POLITICALLY AMBIGUOUS ART
WORK, AND OF COURSE A BOAR
BODING CLOSE ET LABELED OWNER'S
STUFF, DO NOT TOUCH.
>> STILL NOT SOLD?
JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR
SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
>> BEFORE CHANEL AND CHANNEL
DECORATED BY AIRBNB, IT WAS A
LITTLE DRAB, BUT NOW THERE'S SO
WRITING ON THE WALL.
>> YOU MAY KNOW OUR WORK FROM
COZY CASITA STEPS.
>> AND THE WONKA IN GLASGOW.
STILL DON'T BELIEVE US?
JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR
SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
>> WHAT?
>> HI.
>> YOU ALREADY DID ME.
>> OH.
>> SO COME ENJOY OUR CLASSIC
DESIGNS WITH THE UTMOST PRIVACY.
BYE.
>> CHANEL AND CHANNEL
>>> OKAY. TABLE FOR TWO RIGHT HERE. >> THANK YOU.
>> THANKS.
>> ENJOY.
>> WOW, HONEY, THIS PLACE IS
NICE.
>> YEAH.
I'M GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS.
IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE WE'VE
HAD A DATE NIGHT.
>> THAT'S CRAZY!
>> I SWEAR THIS CHICK, TOTAL
TEN, POPS OUT A FULL SET OF
DENTURES.
>> GNARLY!
DUDE, DUDE.
>> THESE GUYS ARE SO LOUD.
>> YOU WANT ME TO GO SAY
SOMETHING?
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
>> DUDES, DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE
GAME LAST NIGHT?
>> YO, LeBRON WENT OFF!
>> LeBRON JAMES!
>> THAT'S IT.
I'M GOING TO GO SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S OUR DATE NIGHT.
I'M GOING TO TELL THEM TO JUST
KEEP IT DOWN.
HEY!
>> CAN WE HELP YOU?
>> YEAH.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY YOU GUYS
SEEM LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS.
THAT'S SPECIAL.
HOPE YOU GUYS TREASURE THAT.
WISH I HAD A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE
THIS.
YOU MUST REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER.
>> YEAH, I GUESS I LOVE THEM.
>> DON'T SAY IT TO ME.
SAY IT TO THEM.
>> OH.
YEAH, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
>> COOL.
>> THANKS, MAN.
>> YEAH.
DEFINITELY.
>> NICE.
ANYWAY, YOU FELLAS ENJOY
YOURSELVES.
WELL, I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE
HEARING FROM THEM ANYMORE.
>> BABE, WHAT WAS THAT?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL
THEM TO BE QUIET.
>> OH, THEY'LL BE QUIET NOW.
YOU SEE, NOTHING SHUTS UP A
GROUP OF GUYS LIKE AN EARNEST
EXPRESSION OF HOW MUCH THEY MEAN
TO EACH OTHER.
>> SERIOUSLY?
THAT WORKS?
>> SEE FOR YOURSELF.
>> HOW'S YOUR STEAK?
>> LOOKS GOOD.
>> COOL.
>> THAT'S CRAZY.
>> OH, YEAH.
ONE TIME AT A SLEEPOVER IN
MIDDLE SCHOOL, I TOLD MY FRIENDS
THAT LAUGHING WITH THEM WAS THE
HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY.
HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE.
ANYWAY, NOW THAT WE HAVE SOME
QUIET, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY.
>> OKAY.
WELL, TODAY AT WORK --
>> AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID TO
HIM, I DON'T CHASE, I ATTRACT!
>> ANOTHER NOISY GROUP.
IT'S FINE.
I GOT THIS.
EXCUSE ME.
>> SORRY.
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
>> YEAH.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY DO YOU EVER
THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR MOM IS JUST
A GIRL TOO?
JUST A GIRL LIVING LIFE FOR THE
FIRST TIME JUST LIKE YOU.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, BUT I
ACTUALLY HAVE THIS PHOTO OF MY
MOM PAINTING MY NURSERY WHILE
SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME IF
Y'ALL WANT TO LOOK AT IT AND
THINK ABOUT YOUR MOMS, YOU CAN
TOO.
>> SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY, AND
I LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL.
>> WHEN I WAS 15, I TOOK HER CAR
AND SMOKED A FULL PACK OF
CIGARETTES IN IT AND THEN BARFED
IN THE FRONT SEAT.
THE SMELL NEVER LEFT.
>> ONE TIME, I THREW A SUITCASE
AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T
LET ME SHAVE MY HEAD.
I REALLY REGRET THAT.
>> YEAH.
ANYWAY, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
ENJOY YOUR MEAL.
WELL, THAT OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF
THAT.
>> WOW.
THAT SURE WAS SOMETHING.
>> YEP.
NOTHING QUIETS UP A GROUP OF
WOMEN QUITE LIKE A REMINDER OF
THEIR MOTHER'S HUMANITY.
>> NICE JOB, HONEY.
NOW WE CAN GET BACK TO DATE
NIGHT.
YOU SAID SOMETHING HAPPENED AT
WORK TODAY?
>> YEAH.
I CHEATED ON YOU WITH MY BOSS,
AND I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP.
>> HEY, BABY CAKES, WANT TO GET
OUT OF HERE?
>> YEAH.
SORRY.
>> AW, MAN.
>> HEY, MAN, ARE YOU OKAY?
>> I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
THANKS FOR CHECKING IN ON ME,
GUYS.
IT REALLY MEANS A LOT THAT YOU
CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ME.
OH, THEY'RE GONE.
GOD, I GOT TO STOP DOING THAT.
>>> THANK YOU, EVERYONE FOR TONIGHT. THIS HAS BEEN SUCH AN AMAZING
WEEK.
THANK YOU LORNE, THANK YOU TO
THE AMAZING CAST.
THANK YOU, KACEY AND GLENN.
THIS HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL.
AH, SUCH A GREAT TIME!
THANK YOU!