. >>> YOU'RE WATCHING NEW YORK ONE BECAUSE YOUR WI-FI IS DOWN.
LATER, A RECAP OF HOPE HICKS'
EMOTIONAL TESTIMONY IN DONALD
TRUMP'S HUSH MONEY TRIAL.
FIRST, IT'S COMMUNITY AFFAIRS
WITH RYAN ABERNATHY.
>>> GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO
COMMUNITY AFFAIRS.
I'M RYAN ABERNATHY.
COLLEGE STUDENTS HAVE BEEN
PROTESTING ON CAMPUSES ACROSS
THE NATION.
TONIGHT WE'LL BE DISCUSSING WITH
MY GUESTS WHO ARE PARENT
STUDENTS OF COLLEGES IN NEW
YORK.
JOIN ME IN WELCOMING THE NEW
STUDENT PARENT, DOUG HOVING.
SARAH HIMES.
>> HI.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> AND COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY DAD,
ALPHONSE ROBERTS.
>> HI, RYAN, AND HELLO TO MY
WIFE.
>> AS PARENTS, HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT THESE PROTESTS ON CAMPUS?
SARAH, WE'LL START WITH YOU.
>> FOR ME, IT'S BEEN TOUGH.
I'M ALL FOR FREE SPEECH, BUT I
DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY THINK
THEY'RE ACCOMPLISHING, AND
THAT'S REALLY PUTTING A STRAIN
ON ME AND MY DAUGHTER'S
RELATIONSHIP.
>> YEAH.
I WANT TO LET ME SON MAKE HIS
OWN CHOICES, BUT TO BE HONEST,
IT'S A LITTLE SCARY.
THESE PROTESTS ARE BECOMING WAY
MORE AGGRESSIVE.
>> RIGHT.
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, MY
DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT AND HAS TO
LIVE HER OWN LIFE.
>> WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST
GREAT.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
NOTHING MAKES ME PROUDER THAN
YOUNG PEOPLE USING THEIR VOICES
TO FIGHT FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVE?
>> WOW.
THAT'S VERY ENCOURAGING.
>> YOUR DAUGHTER MUST FEEL SO
SUPPORTED WHEN SHE'S OUT THERE.
>> WHAT'S THAT NOW?
WHEN WHOSE DAUGHTER IS OUT
THERE?
>> AT THE PROTEST.
>> NO, NO, NO.
HUH-HUH, MAN.
YOU BUGGEN.
ALEXIS VANESSA ROBERTS BETTER
HAVE HER BUTT IN CLASS.
LET ME FIND OUT SHE IN ONE OF
THEM DAMN TENTS INSTEAD THE DORM
ROOM THAT I PAY FOR.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN FAVOR
OF THE STUDENT PROTESTS?
>> BROTHER MAN, I AM SUPPORTIVE
OF Y'ALL'S KIDS PROTESTING, NOT
MY KIDS.
MY KIDS KNOW BETTER.
SHOOT, ALEXIS VANESSA AIN'T
CRAZY.
>> YOUR DAUGHTER ATTENDS COLUMN
BOO I CAN'T.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
STUDENTS THAT TOOK OVER HAMILTON
HALL?
>> THAT'S GOOD FOR Y'ALL'S KIDS,
BUT THEY AIN'T MINE.
YOU FEEL ME, RYAN?
>> YES, I FEEL YOU, ALPHONSE.
TELL ME, WITH THE RISE IN
ATTENDANCE IN THIS PROGRAM, HOW
DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL ABOUT THE
POLICE PRESENCE?
>> I'M VERY CONCERNED.
ONE OF MY WORST FEARS IS MY
DAUGHTER BEING THROWN BEHIND
BAR.
THIS IS A CRUCIAL TIME IN HER
LIFE, AND I WOULD HATE FOR HER
TO HAVE AN ARREST FOLLOW HER
FOREVER.
>> MAN, I AIN'T WORRIED ABOUT
5-0.
THAT IS NOT MY BUSINESS.
MY BUSINESS IS ALEXIS VANESSA
I TELL YOU WHAT AIN'T FREE, COLUMBIA. SHOOT.
DO Y'ALL KNOW THAT THEY GOT THE
NERVE TO WANT 68,000 A YEAR.
>> I MEAN, WE TOTALLY RESPECT
THEIR RIGHT TO PROTEST, BUT I
MEAN WE'RE ALSO MAKING
SACRIFICES FOR OUR KIDS.
>> YEAH.
I'M OUT HERE BUSTING MY HUMP TO
PAY ALL THAT TUITION.
>> WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?
>> SISTER GIRL, I DO IT ALL.
UBER ALL DAY, UBER EATS ALL
NIGHT, CUT GRASS ON THE
WEEKENDS, SELL GUCCI WALLETS OUT
MY TRUNK, LIFE COACHING ON IG.
I BOUNTY HUNT WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
ALL THAT SO SHE CAN SAY SHE GOT
A DEGREE IN AFRICAN-AMERICAN
STUDIES.
LOOK, GIRL, YOU BEEN BLACK YOUR
WHOLE LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.
>> THAT'S QUITE AN INVESTMENT IN
YOUR DAUGHTER.
>> DAMN SKIPPY IT IS.
SHE'S GIFTED, THOUGH.
SHE GON' CHANGE THE WORLD.
SHE DAMN SURE BETTER.
>> I'M SURE SHE WILL.
>> YES, YES, SHE WILL.
SHE'S WORTH EVERY PENNY, AND I
KNOW I SOUND MAD RIGHT ABOUT
NOW, BUT YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL
GRADUATION WHEN YOU SEE THAT
SMILE ACROSS MY FACE WHEN I HEAR
THAT NAME ALEXIS VANESSA ROBERTS
AND I WATCH HER WALK ACROSS THAT
STAGE.
>> I ACTUALLY HEARD A FEW
SCHOOLS ARE FULLY CANCELING
THEIR GRADUATION CEREMONIES.
>> SISTER GIRL, I DON'T THINK
YOU GET IT.
ALEXIS VANESSA WILL BE
GRADUATED, EVEN IF I GOT TO DO
IT MYSELF.
BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT
AT THE END OF THIS MONTH, I AM
PUTTING ON MY CHURCH CLOTHES,
THREE PUMPS ON COOL WATER
COLOGNE, SMELLING GOOD AS A MUG,
AND THEN, BAM, I'M HOPPING IN MY
'98 FORD EXPLORER, BLASTING SOME
ANITA BAKER, AND YOU BETTER
BELIEVE I'M GOING TO BE IN THERE
HOOTING AND HOLLERING AFTER THEY
EXPLICITLY TOLD US TO WAIT UNTIL
THE END.
THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
>> WOW.
GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT.
>> YEAH.
YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK.
THIS GIRL STARTED HER COLLEGE
DURING COVID, HAD ME OUT HERE
PAYING $68,000 FOR TUITION, AND
SHE IN MY HOUSE TAKING CLASSES
ON ZOOM AND LEARNING ABOUT THE
APPLIED HISTORY OF THE B.E.T.
AWARDS.
MAN, IF SHE DON'T WALK, COLUMBIA
GOING TO BE ON THE NEWS FOR
SOMETHING ELSE.
THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE" WITH --
FEATURING --
HOST AND MUSICAL GUEST -- DUA LIPA. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DUA LIPA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MY NAME IS DUA LIPA.
OR AS SOME PEOPLE CALL ME, DULA
PEEP.
BUT DUA LIPA IS MY REAL NAME.
DUA IS ALBANIAN FOR LOVE, AND
LIPA IS ALBANIAN FOR -- MY LAST
NAME.
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN 30
ROCK.
I ACTUALLY MADE MY U.S. TV DEBUT
EIGHT YEARS AGO DOWNSTAIRS ON
THE TONIGHT SHOW.
SO THIS BUILDING DOES FEEL A LOT
LIKE HOME.
AND ESPECIALLY TONIGHT, BECAUSE
MY PARENTS ARE HERE IN THE
AUDIENCE.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THEY'RE KIND OF
COOL.
THEY LOVE TO PARTY.
ONE NIGHT, I WAS OUT WITH MY
FRIENDS AND WE ENDED UP AT THE
CLUB AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING AND
WHO DO I BUMP INTO BUT MY
PARENTS, WHICH WAS EMBARRASSING
BECAUSE THE LAST THING YOU WANT
TO SEE WHEN YOU'RE SUPER HIGH
AND DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS IS YOUR
DAUGHTER.
BUT REALLY, THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN
SO SUPPORTIVE.
THEY LET ME MOVE TO LONDON WHEN
I WAS JUST 15 TO START MY
CAREER, AND NOW MY THIRD ALBUM
JUST DROPPED, AND IT'S CALLED
"RADICAL OPTIMISM."THE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT THAT MEANS.
TO ME, IT'S LIKE LOOKING ON THE
BRIGHT SIDE OF ANY SITUATION.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.
SOMEONE TELL ME A PROBLEM YOU'RE
HAVING.
YES, YOU, SIR.
>> HI.
MY WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE DURING
SEX, I ACCIDENTALLY CALLED HER
MOM.
>> WELL, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, NOW
YOU'LL HAVE MORE TIME TO SPEND
WITH YOUR MOM.
SEE?
RADICAL OPTIMISM.
OKAY.
SOMEONE ELSE.
YOU.
>> YES, HELLO, DUA.
YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE DOCTOR,
AND SHE SAID -- YES, MY DOCTOR
IS A WOMAN -- ANYWAY, THAT BITCH
SAID I HAD TO STOP DRINKING.
>> WELL, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
THERE'S ALWAYS POPPERS.
SEE.
YOU CAN PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON
ANYTHING.
YES, YOU.
>> HI.
I'M SOUTH DAKOTA GOVERNOR KRISTI
NOEM.
>> NO, NO, SORRY.
I CAN'T HELP.
LOOK, WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS, EVEN
ME.
LIKE THERE'S PEOPLE ONLINE WHO
SAY, DUA LIPA IS ALWAYS ON
VACATION.
WHICH IS TOTALLY WRONG BECAUSE
I'M BRITISH, SO WE CALL IT A
HOLIDAY.
AND THERE'S PEOPLE WHO CALLED MY
DANCING LAZY AND SAID, GO, GIRL,
GIVE US NOTHING.
BUT I DIDN'T GIVE YOU NOTHING, I
GAVE YOU THE GREATEST MEME OF
ALL TIME.
AND NOW, I'M HERE, I'M HOSTING,
I'M PERFORMING, I'M MAKING THE
WIGS, DEALING ADDERALL TO THE
WRITERS.
I'M DOING IT ALL.
SO TONIGHT, I PROMISE I'M GOING
TO GIVE YOU EVERYTHING.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
I'M HERE,
>>> WHAT IS UP, LADIES? I APPRECIATE Y'ALL COMING IN TO HELP.
MY NAME IS YOUNG SPICY.
>> HOW YOU DOING?
>> WHAT'S GOOD.
>> THIS IS BERNARD.
HE'S GOING TO BE RECORDING US
TODAY.
>> HAPPY TO BE HERE.
LET'S GET THIS THING STARTED.
>> I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW
PRODUCER TAG TO PLAY AT THE
BEGINNING OF MY SONG.
SOMETHING REAL COOL LIKE --
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> OR EVEN THIS ONE.
>> I'M WORKING.
>> WE CAN DO THAT.
>> WE GOT YOU.
>> COOL.
WE'LL PLAY THE BEAT AND THEN YOU
PLAY SOMETHING LIKE GET 'EM
SPICY OR SPICY ON THE TRACK.
>> GREAT.
WE'LL GIVE YOU SOME OPTIONS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
TAKE ONE.
>> OOH, YOUNG SPICY GOT THAT
HEAT.
>> THIS WAY TOO SPICY.
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
JUST LIKE THAT.
KEEP THAT GOING.
>> OOH, YOUNG SPICY FLAMING.
>> OOH, SPICY'S HIDING
SOMETHING.
>> SPICY IN THE CLOSET FO SHO.
>> DAMN SPICY, WHY YOUR WRISTS
SO LIMP?
>> STOP, STOP THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
SO I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
MENACING AND COOL, NOT ABOUT MY
SEXUALITY, WHICH I'M STILL
FIGURING OUT BY THE WAY.
>> OKAY.
>> SEE, YOU SHOULD'VE JUST SAID
THAT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
LET'S RUN THAT BACK ONE TIME.
>> OOH, SPICY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
>> DAMN, SPICY SO STRAIGHT IT'S
FRIGHTENING.
>> SPICY GET AGGRESSIVE WHEN YOU
QUESTION THAT.
>> HEY, SPICY, DON'T GRAB LIKE
THAT.
SPICY, OW, THAT HURTS.
>> LET GO OF MY ARM, SPICY.
>> CUT, CUT.
>> THAT'S A CUT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
HEY, PLEASE DON'T SAY I'M SCARY
TO WOMEN.
ALL RIGHT?
THAT IS NOT THE VIBE THAT I'M
GOING FOR.
>> SO YOU'RE SAYING NO TO THAT?
>> DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO WE ARE?
>> YEAH, Y'ALL ARE TWO BADDIES
FROM TASK RABBIT.
Y'ALL DO VOICEOVERS AND JUNK
REMOVAL.
JUST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY
BEATS, SOMETHING LIKE YOUNG
SPICY TOO NASTY.
>> OF COURSE.
WE CAN DO THAT.
>> THAT'S EASY.
>> LET'S GO AHEAD AND MAKE THIS
ONE QUICK.
IN ABOUT 90 SECONDS I NEED TO
DROP SOME QUARTERS IN THE METER.
MIGHT NEED SOME CHANGE FROM
Y'ALL TOO.
HERE WE GO.
>> OOH, SPICY, YOU WILD FOR
THIS.
>> EXACTLY.
COUPLE MORE LIKE THAT.
>> DAMN, SPICY, A FREAK FOR
REAL.
>> I LIKE THAT ONE, YEAH.
>> SPICY, WHY YOU DM'ing HIGH
SCHOOLERS?
>> TAKE A SEAT, SPICY.
I NAME IS CHRIS HANSON.
>> DAMN SPICY, WHY DID YOU DRIVE
FOUR HOURS TO THE CLEVELAND
SUBURBS IN A SUCK SEE DOE.
>> AND WHY YOU ONLY HAVE KY
JELLY IN YOUR BAG?
>> I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE
I'M A PERVERT IN A STING
OPERATION, ALL RIGHT?
WHEN WE GO AGAIN THIS NEXT TIME,
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE SETUP.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS FILL IN THE
BLANK.
YOU GOT TIME FOR ONE MORE?
>> MEAN, THE METER IS PAST DUE,
MAN.
I'M SURE IT'S FINE.
ONE MORE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
SO SOMETHING LIKE, OO HARDSHIP,
SPICY GOT THAT --
>> VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER
CHARGE.
>> NO, NO.
SOMETHING LIKE, SPICY GOT
THAT --
>> ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
>> PLEASE, COME ON, NOTHING
ABOUT MY BODY.
ONE MORE TIME.
ALL RIGHT.
OOH, SPICY GOT THAT --
>> OUTDATED WAY OF THINKING.
>> SPICY LOW KEY A TRUMP
SUPPORTER.
>> NO, NO.
>> CUT.
>> OKAY.
SO I GUESS Y'ALL JUST PREFER JOE
BIDEN, WHATEVER.
ALL RIGHT.
FORGET IT.
>> LOOK, THE MAN WANTS SOMETHING
SIMPLE, SOMETHING LIKE -- SPICY
IN THE HOOD.
>> YEP, THAT'S IT.
>> BY LAW, HE GOT TO NOTIFY HIS
NEIGHBORS.
>> OH, COME ON!
♪♪ >>> BRAVO, BRAVO. MR. BECKWITH, THE PLAY TONIGHT
WAS EXTRAORDINARY, A REAL
TRIUMPH.
>> THANK YOU, MS. EMILY.
>> I MUST MEET THE PLAY WRIGHT.
>> I'M AFRAID HE'S RATHER
PRIVATE.
>> PLEASE.
I FEEL LIKE OUR SOULS ARE ONE,
AND YET I ONLY KNOW HIM AS THE
ANOMALOUS MAN.
>> IF YOU INSIST.
I MUST WARN YOU, EVEN IF YOU ARE
SHOCKED BY HIS APPEARANCE, YOU
MUSN'T SHOW IT.
IT WOULD DESTROY HIM.
PETER, YOU HAVE A GUEST.
>> A GUEST?
FOR ME?
ARE YOU EVER SO SURE?
>> HELLO, PETER.
I'M MS. EMILY.
>> MISS, PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT
ME.
I'M A MONSTER, A HIDEOUS
MONSTER.
>> YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER, I
HAPPEN TO THINK YOU'RE THE MOST
WONDERFUL MAN I'VE EVER SEEN.
>> WELL, THAT'S VERY KIND.
>> WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER
WITH ME, PETER?
>> I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.
I REPULSE YOU, DO I NOT?
I REPULSE EVERYONE.
>> NO, NO.
IT'S OKAY.
I LIKE TO WATCH YOU TAKE DOWN
FOOD.
IT REMINDS ME OF BACK HOME ON
THE FARM.
OH.
>> OH.
>> WHAT'S WRONG, PETER?
>> WELL, I'VE NEVER KNOWN THE
PLEASURE OF A WOMAN'S TOUCH
BEFORE.
>> OH, MY.
CAN IT SEE?
>> YES.
AND YOU'VE NEVER LOOKED MORE
BEAUTIFUL.
>> READY?
>> YES.
LET ME JUST PACK MY MEAGER
BELONGINGS.
READY.
GOOD-BYE, OLD ROOM.
GOOD-BYE, OLD LIFE.
AND HELLO, LOVE.
>> ARE YOU HAPPY, PETER?
>> I'M ONE OF THE SORROWFUL
ONES, AND YET YOU HAVE BROUGHT
LIFE INTO A HEART THAT HAS ONLY
KNOWN DARKNESS.
>> GOOD NIGHT, MY PRINCE.
ARE YOU TEXTING SOMEONE? >> NO. >> WHAT DID YOU JUST HIDE?
>> NOTHING.
>> OH, MY GOD.
YOU HAVE A SECOND PHONE.
>> JUST FOR WORK AND SUCH.
>> SHE'S ASLEEP, WASH THAT ASS
AND GET TO THE HOLIDAY INN, I'M
TRYING TO SHOW YOU WHAT THIS
SNOUT DO.
>> PRETTY SURE THAT'S WORK
RELATED.
>> FEELING HORNY AS A MOFO.
>> I THINK THAT WAS A TYPO.
>> AND SHE RESPONDED I'M GOING
TO RIDE YOUR FACE UNTIL IT LOOKS
NORMAL.
>> WRONG NUMBER PERHAPS.
>> YOU SENT HER THIS PICTURE
WITH THE CAPTION, POV, YOU'RE
ABOUT TO GET RAILED BY A WEIRDO.
>> I CAN'T HELP BUT WRITE
POETRY.
>> POETRY?
LIKE THIS, YOUR BUTT, MY FACE,
PRAYER HANDS EMOJI.
>> I THINK I'LL JUST BE GOING
NOW.
>> HOW MANY MORE PHONES DO YOU
HAVE?
>> WHO'S TO SAY REALLY?
>> I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.
>> JUST PACKING MY MEAGER
THINGS.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY PILE OF DUST?
>> GET OUT YOU UGLY FREAK!
>> YOU KNOW, WE NEVER REALLY
SAID WE WERE EXCLUSIVE, BUT
OKAY.
>> WOULD YOU LIKE THAT.
>> YES I WOULD.
>> WHAT?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> HE SAID I BROUGHT LIGHT TO A
HEART THAT HAD ONLY KNOWN
DARKNESS.
>> THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS TO
EVERYONE!
>> WHAT?
GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PIG!
>> GOING, GOING.
>> HE IS A GREAT WRITER.
>> I MEAN, YEAH, HE'S A GENIUS.
♪ TIME TO WAKE UP AND STAND UP TALL AND TELL YOUR NEIGHBOR GOOD MORNING Y'ALL ♪
GOOD MORNING, GREENVILLE.
>>> GOOD MORNING, Y'ALL.
>> GOOD MORNING, GREENVILLE.
>> IT'S YOUR GIRL GAIL GOHNSON.
>> AND YOUR BOY MASON MONROE
REPORTING FOR BOOTY.
WHAT?
I'M SILLY TODAY.
>> WELL, SPRING HAS DEFINITELY
SPRUNG HERE IN SOUTH CAROLINA,
AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT ALL
THE BUZZ IS ABOUT, IT'S CICADAS.
>> THEY ONLY APPEAR EVERY 17
YEARS.
SOUNDS LIKE HOW OFTEN MY
DAUGHTER COMES OUT OF HER ROOM.
>> SOUNDS LIKE HOW OFTEN MY
HUSBAND TAKES ME OUT FOR DINNER.
>> BUT HE'S A GOOD MAN.
>> UNTIL HE DRINKS.
>> MM HMM.
LATER ON IN THE PROGRAM, IS SOUP
ACTUALLY BAD FOR YOU.
>> THE ANSWER WON'T SURPRISE
YOU.
IT'S NO.
BUT FIRST, WE NEED TO GET REAL
SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT, Y'ALL, AND
TALK ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING IN
THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.
>> YEAH.
WE REALLY DO.
>> EVERYONE KEEPS COMING UP TO
ME AND ASKING, GAIL, WHERE DO
YOU STAND ON THIS DRAKE/KENDRICK
LAMAR FEUD.
>> PEOPLE KEEP ASKING, ARE YOU
TEAM KENDRICK OR TEAM DRAKE, AND
I'M LIKE, CAN'T I BE TEAM RAP IN
GENERAL?
BECAUSE EVERY RAPPER IS GETTING
MIXED INTO THIS BEEF LIKE THEY
WERE CHOPPED ONIONS AND CAYENNE
PEPPER.
I MEAN, YOU GOT KANYE, TWO PACK,
SHOOP DOG, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,
ROCKY.
>> AND WHERE DOES WAYNE BRADY
STAND?
HAS HE RESPONDED?
>> NOW, OUR WEATHER MAN DEREK
LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO JUMP IN
ON THIS.
>> OH, THAT'S OKAY.
>> WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER,
DEREK?
IS IT RIYONCE, LL COOL BEANS?
>> IS IT OLD DIRTY DONKEY?
>> PLEASE LET ME DO THE WEATHER
AND GO HOME.
>> HILARIOUS.
WELL, THERE HAVE BEEN ABOUT A
DOZEN DISS TRACKS BETWEEN
KENDRICK AND DRAKE, INCLUDING
THREE RELEASED YESTERDAY.
OUR LOCAL CULTURE CRITIC HAS
BEEN DOING A DEEP DIVE TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HECK THEY
MEAN.
PLEASE WELCOME WANDA WEEMS.
>> Y'ALL, THESE DISS TRACKS ARE
GETTING INSANE.
I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR THE PAST 48
HOURS TRYING TO PIECE IT ALL
TOGETHER.
>> NOW, WANDA, YOU NORMALLY
TEACH PIANO AT THE LOCAL GRADE
SCHOOL.
WHICH RAP SONGS DO YOU TEACH?
>> MOSTLY ELTON JOHN.
>> OH, OKAY.
HE IS GOOD.
>> YEAH, HE'S OLD SCHOOL RAP.
>> YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD PUT
OUT A DISS TRACK ABOUT YOU,
MASON.
YOUR HAIR IS MESSY AND YOU DON'T
GO TO CHURCH.
#.
>> WHAT WAS THAT?
THAT HURTS.
>> UH-OH, KENDRICK, GAIL IS
COMING FOR THE THRONE.
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
MAYBE.
WELL, DEREK'S OVER THERE LOVING
IT.
>> OH, I SEE YOU.
I SEE YOU HIDING, DEREK.
LOOK AT YOU.
NOW, WANDA, WHAT HAVE YOU
LEARNED SO FAR?
>> WELL, HERE'S ONE CLUE ON THE
SONG EUPHORIA WHEN KENDRICK
DESCRIBES DRAKE AS CANADIAN,
THAT'S BECAUSE DRAKE IS FROM
TORONTO.
>> OH.
>> OKAY.
>> AND HE CALLS DRAKE CRODIE,
WHICH IS A TERM USED BY THE
CRIPS, WHICH ACCORDING TO
WIKAPEDIA IS AN ALLIANCE OF
STREET GANGS BASED IN SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA.
>> I THINK I KNOW THE CRIPS.
ARE THEY LIKE KROGER?
>> NO.
I THINK THAT'S A GROCERY STORE.
CRIPS SET UP THE CAMERAS ON
MOVIE SETS.
>> OH, OKAY.
>> NOW, IN DRAKE'S DISS TRACK,
QUESTIONED KENDRICK'S MANHOOD SAYING HE WEARS A SIZE SEVEN
SHOE.
>> I DON'T GET THAT.
I WEAR A SIZE FIVE.
>> AND IT'S A WOMEN'S FIVE, SO
IT'S A MAN'S THREE.
>> A MAN'S THREE, CORRECT.
>> BUT NOW, DRAKE IS BEING SUED
BY 2 PAC'S ESTATE FOR USING AN
AI VERSION OF HIS VOICE.
>> FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION AI
BECAUSE WE HAVE SOME AI THAT CAN
SETTLE THIS SILLY FEUD ONCE AND
FOR ALL.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE
WELCOME KENDRICK LAMAR AND
DRAKE.
>> NAH.
>> OH, HI, DRAKE.
>> OH, HELLO, KENDRICK.
NOW, WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SAYING
ALL THIS MEAN STUFF ABOUT ME?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHAME ON ME FOR DOING THOSE MEAN
RAPS ABOUT YOU.
>> WELL, BLESS YOUR HEART FOR
SAYING THAT.
SHAME ON ME TOO, I SUPPOSE.
>> OH, AND I TAKE BACK WHAT I
SAID IN MY SONG.
YOU CAN SAY THE N WORD.
>> OOH, I THINK I WILL.
>> WELL, COME ON THEN.
LET'S SAY IT TOGETHER.
>> WHAT THE --
>> WELL, I'M HEARING FROM OUR
PRODUCERS THAT WE NEED TO TAKE A
QUICK BUT ALSO VERY LONG BREAK.
>> NOW, WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL
PLAY A NEW CELEBRITY GAME
INSPIRED BY KENDRICK'S SONG.
WE'LL HAVE TO DECIDE IF THE
CELEBRITY IS BLACK OR NOT BLACK.
>> HONESTLY, I CAN'T WAIT TO
HEAR YOUR ANSWERS, YEAH.
♪ TELL YOUR NEIGHBOR GOOD
MORNING, Y'ALL ♪
>>> I'M HAVING SUCH A GREAT NIGHT WITH YOU. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
YOUR PLACE IS SO NICE.
>> OH, THANKS.
YOU PROBABLY SEE A LOT OF GIRLS'
APARTMENTS.
>> NOT REALLY.
YOU KNOW, MOST OF THE GIRLS I
DATE LIVE IN HOUSES.
WHOA.
WHAT IS THAT?
>> OH, MY LAMP THAT LOOKS LIKE
BREAD?
I KNOW, IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S
A LAMP.
>> NO.
YOUR WALL OF WHAT LOOKS LIKE 500
NAKED TOY DOLLS.
>> OH, THOSE ARE MY SUNNY
ANGELS.
AND IT'S NOT 500.
IT'S NOT EVEN THE FULL 650 THAT
YOU CAN COLLECT.
AND THEY'RE NOT NAKED.
THEY'RE WEARING TINY LITTLE
HATS.
AREN'T THEY SO CUTE?
>> YEAH.
I THINK I'VE SEEN THOSE ON SHY
TEENAGERS' PHONE CASES.
WHAT ARE THEY?
>> SUNNY ANGELS.
THEY'RE HUGE.
THEY'RE COMPANIONS FOR LONELY
25-YEAR-OLD WORKING WOMEN.
>> THAT'S SO SPECIFIC.
>> DON'T DISRUPT.
LOOK, IT SAYS IT ON THE BOX.
SUNNY ANGELS ARE LITTLE
BOYFRIENDS.
I'M OBSESSED WITH THEM.
>> LITTLE BOYFRIENDS, HUH?
I GUESS I'VE GOT SOME
COMPETITION.
>> COMPETITION, OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
NOT WITH ALL OF THEM.
JUST WITH HIM.
>> HEY.
I'M HER LITTLE BOYFRIEND.
>> WHOA.
THEY CAN TALK?
>> THAT ONE CAN.
HE'S SPECIAL.
>> BECAUSE I'M HER LITTLE
BOYFRIEND.
I'M PART OF THE SUNNY ANGELS
FRUIT SERIES, AND JUDGING BY THE
WAY YOU DRESS, YOU'RE A FRUIT
TOO.
>> NICE GRAPES.
I ALMOST DIDN'T NOTICE THEM OVER
YOUR EXTREMELY LITTLE PENIS AND
PERFECTLY SMOOTH BELLY BODY.
>> OOH, SOMEONE'S JEALOUS.
>> I'M SORRY.
IS THIS THE MUSIC FROM
CHALLENGERS?
>> IT IS.
THE SCORE IS STRESSFUL, BUT
HORNY TOO.
>> COOL.
I HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE.
>> WELL, DON'T WORRY BECAUSE
YOU'RE ABOUT TO LIVE IT.
>> THIS IS GREAT.
I LOVE THAT YOU'RE VOLLEYING
BACK AND FORTH.
IT'S LIKE A TENNIS MATCH.
HERE, YOU TWO SIT ON THE COUCH.
>> JUST THE TWO OF US?
>> I'M GOING TO GO FIX US A
SNACK.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.
HAVE YOU GUYS HOOKED UP?
>> DUDE, I'M NOT ANSWERING THAT.
>> IT'S NOT LIKE I CARE.
JUST TELL ME.
>> I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT
WITH YOU, MAN.
>> OKAY.
FINE.
JUST GIVE ME A SIGNAL.
IF YOU'VE SLEPT WITH HER, DO
YOUR LITTLE POSE WITH YOUR ARMS
AND LOOK TO THE LEFT LIKE THIS.
>> WELL, I DON'T KISS AND TELL,
BUT --
>> WHOA!
HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK?
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
>> I'M 41, OKAY, SO IT'S NOT
WEIRD.
>> YES, IT IS!
>> FINALLY, TWO BOYS WHO CAN
ACTUALLY COMPETE.
OKAY.
I'M BACK.
WITH CHURROS.
THE MOST PENIS DESERT.
I SURE HOPE IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU
TWO ACT BICURIOUS.
>> OKAY.
WHAT IS CHALLENGERS ABOUT?
>> TENNIS.
>> IN WHAT WAY?
>> BECAUSE THE WOMAN USES MEN
LIKE TOYS LIKE TENNIS.
>> SHOOT, I FORGOT THE CHOCOLATE
SAUCE.
BRB.
>> JUST SO YOU KNOW, SHE'S NOT
IN LOVE WITH YOU.
>> WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT
SOMEONE TO BE IN LOVE WITH ME?
>> HMM, GIVE ME SOME.
MM.
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU LIT UP
ABOUT SOMETHING, EVEN IF THAT
SOMETHING IS MY BIG GIRLFRIEND.
IT'S WHAT'S BEEN MISSING FROM
YOUR TENNIS.
>> WHAT TENNIS?
>> I'M BACK.
HERE.
WHY DON'T I SIT IN BETWEEN YOU
BOYS?
>> OKAY.
>> HMM, I LIKE THIS.
>> ME TOO.
SO, HOW DOES THIS WORK?
>> FIRST, YOU TWO KISS.
>> UM, OKAY.
WHOA.
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
>> DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL MAKE A GREAT SUNNY ANGEL.
>> OH, MY GOD!
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?
>> NOW WE'RE BOTH LITTLE
BOYFRIENDS.
>>> IT'S THERE FOR US WHEN WE GATHER TO SAY GOOD-BYE. >> AND WHEN WE GATHER TO SAY
HELLO.
>> IT'S THERE FOR US --
>> WHEN ONE CHAPTER ENDS.
>> AND WHEN A NEW ONE BEGINS.
>> IT'S THERE WHEN WE BRING HOME
THE WIN.
>> AND THERE WHEN WE LEAVE HOME
FOR OUR NEXT ADVENTURE.
>> WHENEVER WE GATHER, FOR
REASONS HAPPY OR SAD, IT'S THERE
FOR US.
A BIG ASS ALUMINUM TRAY OF PENNE
ALLA VODKA.
>> LOVED BY NONE, BUT TOLERATED
BY ALL.
>> BECAUSE IT'S NOT THAT GOOD.
BUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD EITHER.
>> IT MAY NOT STAY HOT, BUT IT
NEVER GETS ALL THE WAY COLD.
>> WITH A NAME FANCY ENOUGH FOR
ADULTS BUT A TASTE BLAND ENOUGH
FOR CHILDREN.
>> BECAUSE WE MAY NOT AGREE ON
MUCH, BUT WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT
A BIG ASS ALUMINUM TRAY OF PENNE
ALLA VODKA IS FINE.
>> WHEN WE GRIEVE.
>> WHEN WE CELEBRATE.
>> WHEN WE HONOR OUR LIFE'S
WORK.
>> A BIG FAT TRAY OF PENNE ALLA
VODKA.
>> SERVED BY A SLIPPERY PLASTIC
SPOON.
>> WITH A LITTLE DELI CONTAINER
OF PARMESAN CHEESE NEXT TO IT.
>> AND A SALAD ABSOLUTELY
DRENCHED IN CREAMY BALSAMIC.
>> FOR ALL OF LIFE'S MOMENTS BIG
OR SMALL WHEREVER WE GATHER,
IT'S THERE FOR US.
PENNE ALLA VODKA FROM THE MAKERS
OF UNTOUCHED TRAY OF COOKIES.
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DUA LIPA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪
♪ I BEEN KNOWN TO
MISS A RED FLAG
I BEEN KNOWN TO
PUT MY LOVER ON A PEDESTAL ♪
♪ IN THE END THOSE THINGS
JUST DON'T LAST ♪
♪ AND IT'S TIME I TAKE
MY ROSE-COLORED GLASSES
OFF ♪
♪ I ALREADY KNOW YOUR TYPE
TELLIN' ME THE THINGS
I LIKE ♪
♪ TRYIN' MAKE ME YOURS
FOR LIFE
TAKIN' ME FOR A RIDE ♪
♪ I ALREADY KNOW YOUR TYPE
THINK YOU CAN
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT ♪
♪ DON'T YOU KNOW
I COULD DO THIS
DANCE ALL NIGHT
OOH ♪
♪ OOH WHAT YOU DOIN'
DON'T KNOW WHO
YOU THINK THAT
YOU'RE CONFUSIN' ♪
♪ I BE LIKE OOH
IT'S AMUSIN'
YOU THINK I'M GONNA FALL
FOR AN ILLUSION ♪
♪ DANCE ALL NIGHT
DANCE ALL NIGHT
DANCE ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ I BE LIKE
DANCE ALL NIGHT
DANCE ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ DANCE DANCE
WAS A TIME WHEN THAT
-- MIGHT HAVE WORKED ♪
♪ WAS A TIME WHEN I
JUST THREW A MATCH
AND LET IT BURN
NOW I'M GROWN ♪
♪ I KNOW WHAT I DESERVE
I STILL LIKE DANCIN'
WITH THE LESSONS
I ALREADY LEARNED ♪
♪ I ALREADY KNOW YOUR TYPE
TELLIN' ME THE THINGS
I LIKE ♪
♪ TRYIN' MAKE ME YOURS
FOR LIFE
TAKIN' ME FOR A RIDE ♪
♪ I ALREADY KNOW YOUR TYPE
THINK YOU CAN
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT ♪
♪ DON'T YOU KNOW
I COULD DO THIS DANCE
ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ OOH WHAT YOU DOIN'
DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK
THAT YOU'RE CONFUSIN' ♪
♪ I BE LIKE OOH
IT'S AMUSIN'
YOU THINK I'M GONNA
FALL FOR AN ILLU-U-U-USION ♪
♪ DANCE ALL NIGHT
DANCE ALL NIGHT
DANCE ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ I BE LIKE
DANCE ALL NIGHT
DANCE ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ DANCE DANCE
ILLUSION
I REALLY LIKE
THE WAY YOU'RE MOVIN' ♪
♪ YEAH I JUST WANNA DANCE
WITH THE ILLUSION ♪
♪ YEAH
I JUST WANNA DANCE WITH
YEAH
I JUST WANNA DANCE WITH ♪
♪ I COULD DANCE ALL NIGHT
♪♪
♪ OOH WHAT YOU DOIN'
DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK
THAT YOU'RE CONFUSIN'
I BE LIKE ♪
♪ OOH IT'S AMUSIN'
YOU THINK I'M GONNA
FALL FOR AN ILLU-U-U
OOH WHAT YOU DOIN' ♪
♪ DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK
THAT YOU'RE CONFUSIN'
I BE LIKE
OOH IT'S AMUSIN' ♪
♪ YOU THINK I'M GONNA FALL
FOR AN ILLU-U-U-USION ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOOD EVENING.
THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
WELL, IT'S THE FIRST SHOW OF
SPRING, SO WE'LL START TONIGHT
WITH PUPPY MURDER.
IN A NEW BOOK, SOUTH DAKOTA
GOVERNOR KRISTI NOEM REVEALED
SHE ONCE SHOT A DOG THAT WAS
UNTRAINABLE.
THAT'S INSANE.
IF A TO GO IS UNTRAINABLE, YOU
DON'T SHOOT IT.
YOU GIVE IT TO PRESIDENT BIDEN.
MAGA INSIDERS ARE SAYING NOEM,
SEEN HERE WEARING THE HAIR OF
THAT DOG, NOW HAS ZERO CHANCE OF
BEING TRUMP'S RUNNING MATE.
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING TELLS ME TRUMP WOULD
FULLY SUPPORT KILLING
DISOBEDIENT PETS.
>> INSIDERS SAID THAT DURING HIS
HUSH MONEY TRIAL, DONALD TRUMP
COMPLAINED THAT NONE OF HIS
SUPPORTERS WERE IN COURT WITH
HIM.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE COPS?
>> FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
SEEN HERE DEFINITELY NOT
SLEEPING, PROBABLY JUST PRAYING,
FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN HIS TRIAL WROTE A
MESSAGE ON A YELLOW POST-IT NOTE
AND HANDED IT TO HIS LAWYER
WHILE HE WAS MAKING AN ARGUMENT.
THE POST-IT READ SIMPLY, CAN'T
PAY YOU.
>> OFFICIALS AT COLUMBIA
UNIVERSITY COMPLAINED THAT
PROTESTORS BROKE WINDOWS AND
DESTROYED SCHOOL PROPERTY.
SO WHAT, COLLEGES ALSO DO THAT
WHEN THEY WIN THE FINAL FOUR.
ALSO, IF YOU DON'T WANT STUDENTS
TO FREAK OUT, STOP TELLING THEM
THE TRUTH.
THAT'S MY ADVICE FOR SCHOOL AND
RELATIONSHIPS.
PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID THE
NATIONAL GUARD SHOULD NOT BE
CALLED IN TO DEAL WITH CAMPUS
PROTESTS.
I'M JUST HAPPY HE'S FINALLY NOT
SENDING MILITARY AID SOMEWHERE.
THAT WAS MY BEST JOKE, COLIN.
>> REPRESENTATIVE MARJORIE
TAYLOR GREEN SAID NEXT WEEK SHE
WILL FORCE A VOTE TO OUST HOUSE
SENATOR MIKE JOHNSON.
IF THERE'S ONE THING I BET SHE'S
AMAZING AT, IT'S DRIVING MEN
AWAY.
>> DURING A CAMPAIGN EVENT
MARKING THE START OF ASIAN
AMERICAN AND PACIFIC ISLANDER
HERITAGE MONTH, PRESIDENT BIDEN
CRITICIZED JAPAN AS BEING
XENOPHOBIC, WHICH IS CRAZY
BECAUSE WHY WOULD THE JAPANESE
BE SCARED OF FOREIGNERS?
DRAKE JUST DROPPED ANOTHER DISS
RECORD, GUYS.
JUST KIDDING.
I JUST SAY THAT WHEN I BOMB.
>> FLORIDA'S NEW ABORTION BAN
MEANS THE MAJORITY OF WOMEN IN
THE SOUTH WILL HAVE TO TRAVEL
MORE THAN 300 MILES FOR THE
PROCEDURE.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, YOU CAN GET
FREE TRAVEL FROM NEW YORK BY
DISGUISING YOURSELF AS A
MIGRANT.
>> NEW POLLS SHOW THAT
SUPPORTERS OF PRESIDENT BIDEN
AND DONALD TRUMP ARE SHARPLY
DIVIDED OVER WHERE THEY GET
THEIR NEWS.
PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT BIDEN ARE
MORE LIKELY TO GET THEIR NEWS
FROM NEWSPAPERS AND MAIN STREAM
MEDIA WHILE TRUMP SUPPORTS GET
THEIRS FROM T-SHIRTS.
>> DONALD TRUMP TOLD SUPPORTERS
IF HE'S ELECTED, HE WILL FOCUS
ON ANTI-WHITE RACISM.
THANK GOD.
MY PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED LONG
ENOUGH.
SORRY, CHE, BUT TIME'S UP.
>> I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO COME
OUT OF YOU SOME DAY.
TODAY WAS THE 150th RUNNING OF
THE KENTUCKY DERBY, ALSO KNOWN
TO HORSES AS SQUID GAME.
>> SOUTH DAKOTA GOVERNOR AND
TRUMP'S POTENTIAL V.P. CANDIDATE
KRISTI NOEM IS BEING CRITICIZED
FOR WRITING IN HER MEMOIR ABOUT
SHOOTING HER 14-MONTH-OLD PUPPY
CRICKET.
HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT IS HER
OTHER DOG.
>> NICE TO BE HERE.
CRICKET.
CAN YOU SHAKE?
DO YOU DO PAW?
>> SURE.
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
SO YOUR NAME IS ALSO CRICKET?
>> MY NAME IS ACTUALLY CRICKET
VII.
>> THE SEVENTH?
>> YEAH, THE FIRST SIX WERE BAD
DOGS, COLIN.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
LUCKY NUMBER SEVEN, RIGHT?
>> SURE.
YOU'RE HERE TO DEFEND KRISTI
NOEM?
>> OF COURSE.
SHE'S A GREAT OWNER.
HE'S A GREAT DOG OWNER.
ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT KILLING
ANIMALS IS JUST MEDIA SPIN.
>> BUT SHE WROTE ABOUT IT IN HER
OWN BOOK.
>> I CAN'T READ.
I'M A DOG.
>> RIGHT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MEDIA SPIN IS?
>> LOOK, THE DOG WAS THE
PROBLEM.
BARKING, EATING EVERY DAY.
WHO DOES THAT?
IF SHE DIDN'T KILL HIM, I WOULD.
>> WOW.
SO YOU'RE TEAM KRISTI?
>> TEAM KRISTI FOR LIFE, FOR MY
VERY LONG LIFE.
PLEASE, I LOVE YOU, KRISTI.
>> ALL RIGHT.
JUST SEEMS UNDERNEATH IT LIKE
YOU'RE A LITTLE SCARED.
>> SCARED?
I'M NOT SCARED.
I HAVE A GREAT LIFE.
SHE GIVES ME SO MANY TOYS.
SHE EVEN GAVE ME A DOG BUTTON
MAP.
YOU CAN SAY RUN OR HUNGRY.
CHECK IT OUT.
SHE, IS, GOING, TO, KILL, ME.
>> CRICKET.
>> WHAT?
THESE ARE LIKE BROKEN OR
SOMETHING.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY.
I, DIE, TONIGHT.
>> OH, MY GOD.
LISTEN, BUDDY, IT'S GONNA BE
OKAY.
>> DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN
MOVEMENTS, MAN.
>> I'M SORRY, MAN.
>> IT'S COOL.
IT'S COOL.
MY POINT IS THAT SHE'S THE BEST.
IT'S LIKE THEY SAY, I DON'T KNOW
IF SHE RESCUED ME OR IF I'M
GOING TO GET SHOT IN THE FACE.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY SAY.
CRICKET, YOU KNOW KRISTI WELL.
WHY DO YOU THINK SHE WROTE THESE
STORIES IN HER BOOK?
>> I TOLD YOU, COLIN, I CAN'T
READ.
SHE, THOUGHT, TRUMP, WOULD,
LIKE, IT.
>> SO SHE WROTE THE BOOK TO SEEM
TOUGH FOR TRUMP?
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THAT
IS.
BUT, SHE'S, NOT, INVITED, TO,
MAR-A-LAGO. >> ONE OF THE DOG BUTTONS IS
MAR-A-LAGO?
>> HEY, HEY, YOU KNOW SHE'S
WRITING ANOTHER BOOK.
SHE KEEPS SAYING, YOU BETTER
BEHAVE OR YOU'RE GOING TO GO IN
THE BOOK.
>> OH, MY GOD.
SO SHE JUST KILLS ALL HER
ANIMALS?
>> YEAH, COLIN, SHE KILLS ALL
HER ANIMALS.
>> YOU WROTE ME A NOTE?
I WASN'T BEING SARCASTIC.
>> WHY WOULD YOU READ THAT OUT
LOUD?
>> CRICKET, EVERYONE.
>> I'M A GOOD BOY.
>> HE'S A GOOD BOY.
>> IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT BOTH
BOOMER ESIASON AND PHIL SIMMS
ARE LEAVING CBS' THE NFL TODAY.
THE FORMER QUARTERBACK SAID THEY
WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME FIGURING
OUT WHICH IS WHICH.
>> FANS OF THE CHILDREN'S SHOW
BLUEY ARE SAYING THAT A LINE IN
A RECENT EPISODE HINTED THAT
BLUEY'S MOM USED TO GO TO A PARK
TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
MEANWHILE OVER AT COCO MELON,
EVERY BABY IS ON ACID.
JUST HOURS AGO, THE KENTUCKY
DERBY WAS WON IN A PHOTO FINISH
BY MYSTIC DAN.
THAT'S ALSO THE GUY WHO SELLS
ACID TO COCO MELON.
>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT
SYLVESTER STALLONE IS WRITING A
MEMOIR.
IT'S 300 PAGES LONG AND HAS A
WORD COUNT OF ONE.
THAT'S GOOD ACTING, RIGHT,
COLIN?
YOU LIKE THAT.
I WAS WORKING ON IT ALL DAY.
>> AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOLTEACHER
IN WISCONSIN WAS ARRESTED AFTER
SHE ALLEGEDLY MADE OUT WITH ONE
OF HER FIFTH GRADE STUDENTS JUST
MONTHS BEFORE HER WEDDING, WHICH
IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE
YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY AT CHUCK
E. CHEESE.
FORMER CHILD STAR JOJO SIWA JUST
RELEASED HER FIRST GROWN UP
SINGLE KARMA AND SURPRISED
PEOPLE WITH HER NEW GOOD GIRL
GONE BAD PERSONA.
HERE TO COMMENT IS JOJO SIWA
♪ KARMA'S A BITCH, I SHOULD'VE
KNOWN BETTER, IF I HAD A WISH, I
WOULD HAVE NEVER F'd AROUND ♪
>> WOW.
OH, MY GOD, JOJO.
>> THAT'S WHAT I CALL IT.
I'M A BAD GIRL NOW.
>> YEAH.
JOJO, THIS IS A VERY DIFFERENT
LOOK.
WE'RE ALL USED TO YOU WEARING
OUTFITS LIKE THIS.
BUT NOW IT'S THIS.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S A PRETTY BIG CHANGE.
I USED TO BE RAINBOW SPARKLES,
AND NOW I'M BLACK SPARKLES.
I LOOK LIKE IF A FIGURE SKATER
JOINED A STREET GANG.
>> YEAH.
I WAS GOING TO SAY IF MAD MAX
WAS ON BROADWAY.
>> DOES IT SCARE YOU, COLIN?
DOES A FORMER CHILD STAR LOOKING
LIKE THIS SCARE YOU?
>> YEAH, BUT NOT IN THE WAY
YOU'RE HOPING.
>> YEAH.
I'M IN MY BAD GIRL ERA NOW.
I EVEN DO CIGARETTES.
WATCH.
>> THAT'S VERY NATURAL.
I'M SORRY.
YOU CAN'T SMOKE IN HERE UNLESS
YOU'RE DAVE CHAPPELLE.
>> WELL, THEN I'LL JUST HIDE IT
IN MY BREAST PART OF MY BODY
SUIT FOR LATER.
>> REALLY COOL.
SO HOW ARE PEOPLE REACTING TO
YOUR TRANSFORMATION?
>> IT'S BEEN CALLED GUTSY,
BRAVE.
>> AND WHO ARE THOSE QUOTES
ATTRIBUTED TO?
>> ME.
I'M VERY COCKY.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
♪ KARMA'S A BITCH ♪
BUT SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, COLIN,
I'VE COMPLETELY REINVENTED
MYSELF.
I MEAN, NO ONE MY AGE HAS DONE
THIS.
>> YEAH.
AND HOW OLD ARE YOU, JOJO?
>> WELL, FROM 2011 TO 2023, I
WAS 8.
BUT NOW, I'M 20 AND GAY.
I'M THE FIRST GAY GIRL IN THE
WORLD!
BET YOU NEVER MET A GAY GIRL
BEFORE.
>> YEAH.
WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, A LOT
OF THE WOMEN I DATED TURNED GAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BUT, JOJO, YOU WERE QUOTED AS
SAYING YOU INVENTED A NEW GENERA
OF MUSIC.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
GAY POP.
>> I THINK THAT'S MAYBE JUST
POP.
BUT I HAVE TO ASK, WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS?
>> BECAUSE I'M AN ARTIST, COLIN.
I'M HOLDING A MIRROR UP TO
SOCIETY AND THEN I'M HOLDING
THAT MIRROR UP TO MYSELF AND
THINKING, WHOA, THAT'S WHAT I
LOOK LIKE?
BECAUSE THAT'S CRAZY.
HIT THE TRACK!
♪ KARMA'S A BITCH, I SHOULD'VE
KNOWN BETTER ♪
>> JOJO SIWA, EVERYONE.
>> NEARLY 100,000 POUNDS OF
SLICED PERCUTTA WAS BEING RECALLED FOR NOT BEING INSPECTED
PROPERLY.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS AN ITALIAN
SLUR FOR GAY.
ALL RIGHT.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
>> THIS IS A REALLY ROUGH
EPISODE FOR ME, COLIN.
>> AN 11-DAY CRUISE IS BEING
OFFERED NEXT YEAR FROM MIAMI TO
THE CARIBBEAN IN WHICH
PASSENGERS WILL BE NUDE.
THE CRUISE WILL OFFER PICKLE
BALL, CORN HOLE, AND ALSO GAMES.
A NEW REPORT CHRONICLES A
DISORDER CALLED SEX SOMNIA IN
WHICH PEOPLE TRY TO HAVE SEX
WHILE THEY'RE ASLEEP.
THE REPORT WAS WRITTEN BY
SOMEONE NAMED PHIL FOZBY.
>> MAY IS NATIONAL MASTURBATION
MONTH, SO STOP KNOCKING ON MY
DRESSING ROOM DOOR.
>> DON'T.
DON'T ENCOURAGE.
>> HAVING A REAL ROUGH TIME.
>> WELL, GUYS, OFTEN TIMES WHEN
AN ACTOR IS PROMOTING A NEW
MOVIE, LET'S SAY A NETFLIX
MOVIE, THEY HAVE TO DO A LOT OF
PRESS, SOMETIMES TOO MUCH PRESS.
HERE TO COMMENT IS A MAN WHO DID
TOO MUCH PRESS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HI.
HELLO.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> SURE, SURE.
WHERE AM I EXACTLY?
>> YOU'RE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE."
>> OH.
IS THIS A PODCAST?
>> NO.
YOU'RE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
>> OH, LIVE TV.
OH, MY GOD.
I GOT TO STOP.
>> YEAH.
YOU'VE KIND OF BEEN EVERYWHERE.
I'VE SEEN YOU -- I EVEN SAW YOU
ON RICH IZEN.
>> I WASN'T.
>> YOU WERE.
I SAW IT.
>> I FIND HIM ACCESSIBLE.
>> BUT IT'S A SPORTS SHOW.
>> I KNOW.
I KNOW THAT NOW.
>> FOR THE VIEWERS, HOW DOES
SOMEONE KNOW THAT THEY'RE DOING
EXCESSIVE PRESS?
>> THAT'S THE THING.
YOU DON'T KNOW UNTIL SOMEONE WHO
CARES ABOUT YOU SHOWS YOU A
VIDEO PACKAGE AND YOU SEE
YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WITH THESE
NAMES, HODA, MOROCCO, SHYNELL,
VLAD.
>> VLAD?
>> YEAH.
I TALKED TO A GUY NAMED VLAD.
AND I KNOW I CAN'T UNDO ALL THE
PRESS I'VE DONE, BUT I WANT TO
HELP OTHER PEOPLE.
IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH PRESS,
YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
I'M TALKING TO YOU, RYAN
GOSLING.
WHEN I STARTED DOING PRESS, I
WAS LIKE YOU, FUNNY, GOOD
LOOKING, NOW LOOK AT ME.
YOU THINK THIS IS HOW I WANTED
TO SPEND MY 26th BIRTHDAY?
BUT YOU CAN GET CLEAN.
>> IS THAT YOUR PHONE?
>> YEAH.
EXCUSE ME.
UNIVISION?
YEAH, I'M READY.
>> HE'S DOING ANOTHER INTERVIEW?
>> WHAT IS THIS, SPANISH?
FINE.
WHAT IS THE DIALECT?
YEAH, I CAN DO THAT.
WHO'S THE HOST?
POPEY, PIPPA.
I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
ARE YOU KIDDING, ALL THE TIME.
UNFROSTED IS A DELIGHTFUL CRAZY
TALE WITH SOME FUNNY PEOPLE AS
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE.
>> THE MAN WHO DID TOO MUCH
PRESS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
>> LOOK FOR ME ON KELLY
CLARKSON.
>> F
>>> OKAY, MRS. PARKS, WE JUST GOT YOUR CHART. WAIT RIGHT HERE.
THE DOCTOR WILL BE WITH YOU
SHORTLY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> AND YOU'RE SURE THIS DOCTOR'S
GOOD?
>> HONEY, YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T
MAKE A FUSS.
>> I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
DR. MORGAN WOULD CHOOSE NOW OF
ALL TIMES TO GO ON VACATION.
>> TRUST ME.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
FAT DADDY IS A MORE THAN CAPABLE
OBGYN.
>> FAT DADDY?
THE DOCTOR'S NAME IS FAT DADDY?
>> BABE, CHILL, YOU'RE STRESSING
ME OUT.
>> GOOD MORNING, FOLKS.
>> GOOD MORNING, DR. FAT DADDY.
>> PLEASE.
IT'S JUST FAT DADDY.
>> I'M SORRY.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON YOUR
JACKET?
>> OH, THIS?
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
THAT'S JUST SAUCE.
>> BABE, JUST LET HIM DO HIS
JOB.
>> LET ME GUESS, FIRST TIME
PARENTS?
>> YES.
AND I'M STARTING TO THINK HE'S
MORE NERVOUS THAN I AM.
>> I GET IT.
I'VE BEEN THERE.
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE.
DR. MORGAN SENT OVER YOUR
CHARTS.
SAYS WE ARE SEVEN MONTHS
PREGNANT.
WE'RE GO TO DO A QUICK
ULTRASOUND, MAKE SURE EVERYTHING
LOOKS OKAY.
SOUND GOOD?
>> YEAH.
THANK YOU, FAT DADDY.
>> CAN I JUST ASK HOW YOU GOT
THAT NAME?
>> THAT'S SO RUDE.
>> IT'S OKAY.
BEFORE I BECAME AN OBGYN, I WAS
THE PIT MASTER AT THE BARBECUE
PALACE ON 78.
>> WE LOVE THAT PLACE.
>> THANK YOU.
I'M REAL PROUD OF IT.
YEP.
YOU KNOW, THIS GOING TO BE A
LITTLE COLD, ALL RIGHT?
DON'T YOU EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT NOTHING,
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, BARBECUE IS JUST SOMETHING
I KNOW HOW TO DO, BUT MY TRUE
PASSION HAS ALWAYS BEEN
GYNECOLOGY, EVER SINCE I WAS A
LITTLE BOY.
YEP.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S GOING TO BE SOME
GOOD HEAT.
>> SO, WHEN EXACTLY DID YOU GET
YOUR DEGREE?
>> UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
LET ME SEE SOMETHING HERE.
NURSE.
>> YES, FAT DADDY?
>> UM, I DON'T SEE NO BABY.
>> FOR REAL?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE
PREGNANT.
>> I'M VISIBLY PREGNANT.
>> BABE, WE SHOULD GO.
THIS GUY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE'S
DOING.
>> HANG ON, HANG ON.
LET'S CALM DOWN.
YOU SEE THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T
ALWAYS TRUST THESE MACHINES.
SOMETIMES, JUST LIKE IN
BARBECUE, YOU GOT TO ROLL UP
YOUR SLEEVES.
NURSE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HER
TEMPERATURE CHILD I DUG ON IN
THE PIT.
YEAH, I'M GOING IN.
>> WAIT, WAIT.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE WEARING GLOVES?
>> DARRYL, I ASKED YOU TO COME
HERE FOR SUPPORT AND TO SEE IF
YOU'RE REALLY READY TO BE A
FATHER.
>> NOW, WHERE IS HE?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM READY TO
BE A FATHER.
>> WELL, THEN STOP MAKING THINGS
WEIRD.
>> OKAY.
2-2-5, THAT'S SLOW AND LOW.
>> I CAN'T FIND -- I FOUND HIM.
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYTHING LOOK GOOD.
>> COULD YOU NOT LICK YOUR
FINGERS?
>> OH, YOU RIGHT.
MY BAD.
THAT'S A BAD HABIT.
NURSE, HAND ME THE PAPER TOWELS,
PLEASE.
YOUR BABY'S LOOKING GOOD, COMING
ALONG REAL NICE.
JUST A LITTLE DRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THOUGH.
I WANT YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU
ROTATE HIM EVERY WEEK OR SO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I WOULD LET IT GO
ABOUT ANOTHER MONTH AND A HALF,
TWO MONTHS.
SHOULD BE FALLING RIGHT OFF THE
BONE THEN.
>> FALL OFF THE BONE?
>> THAT'S JUST MEDICAL JARGON.
ALSO, I WANT TO SAY YOUR PH IS A
LITTLE OFF, SO I'M GOING TO PUT
YOU ON SOME SUPPLEMENTS.
TRACEY?
>> YES, FAT DADDY.
>> GO ON AND WRITE THIS SCRIPT
DOWN, PLEASE.
IRON, ALKALINE WATER, APPLE SIGH
-- SIGH CAR VINEGAR. A LITTLE COCA-COLA.
>> IS PEPSI OKAY?
>> YEAH, THAT'S FINE.
>>> ONCE AGAIN, THE DUA LIPA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ LATE ON A TUESDAY
I SAW YOUR PICTURE
YOU WERE SO HAPPY
I COULD JUST TELL ♪
♪ SHE'S REALLY PRETTY
I THINK SHE'S A MODEL
BABY TOGETHER
YOU LOOK HOT AS HELL ♪
♪ AND I DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO CRY
OH WHAT IS THIS FEELING
COULDN'T BELIEVE IT ♪
♪ HAD TO ASK MYSELF WHY
I MUST'VE LOVED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER KNEW ♪
♪ DIDN'T KNOW
I COULD EVER FEEL
'CAUSE I'M HAPPY FOR YOU ♪
♪ NOW I KNOW
EVERYTHING WAS REAL ♪
♪ I'M NOT MAD I'M NOT HURT
YOU GOT EVERYTHING
YOU DESERVE ♪
♪ OH I MUST'VE LOVED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER KNEW
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU ♪
♪ AND LOOKING BACK NOW
I HOPE YOU SEE IT
EVEN THE HARD PARTS
WERE ALL FOR THE BEST ♪
♪ I SEE WHERE YOU'RE AT NOW
YOU PICKED UP THE PIECES
AND THEN YOU GAVE THEM
TO SOMEBODY ELSE ♪
♪ AND I DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO CRY
OH WHAT IS THIS FEELING
COULDN'T BELIEVE IT ♪
♪ HAD TO ASK MYSELF WHY
I MUST'VE LOVED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER KNEW ♪
♪ DIDN'T KNOW
I COULD EVER FEEL
'CAUSE I'M HAPPY FOR YOU ♪
♪ NOW I KNOW
EVERYTHING WAS REAL
I'M NOT MAD I'M NOT HURT ♪
♪ YOU GOT EVERYTHING
YOU DESERVE
OH I MUST'VE LOVED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER KNEW ♪
♪ I'M HAPPY FOR YOU
YOU YOU YOU
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU
YOU YOU YOU ♪
♪ I'M HAPPY FOR
OH I MUST'VE LOVED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER KNEW ♪
♪ DIDN'T KNOW
I COULD EVER FEEL
'CAUSE I'M HAPPY FOR YOU ♪
♪ NOW I KNOW EVERYTHING
WAS REAL
I'M NOT MAD I'M NOT HURT ♪
♪ YOU GOT EVERYTHING
YOU DESERVE
OH I MUST'VE LOVED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER KNEW ♪
♪ I'M HAPPY FOR YOU ♪
♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> IT'S FASHION SEASON.
WITH RED CARPETS GOING VIRAL AND
THE MET GALA RIGHT AROUND THE
CORNER, EVERYONE'S SERVING
LOOKS.
>> ALL MY FAVORITE ARTISTS ARE
WEARING PINS THAT SUPPORT
CAUSES.
I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT I
CARE TOO, BUT I'M NERVOUS ABOUT
WHAT TO SAY.
>> WITH SO MANY COMPLICATED
ISSUES OUT THERE, IT'S HARD TO
KNOW WHEN THE JOIN THE
CONVERSATION AND HOW.
>> IT'S WRONG TO STAY SILENT,
BUT IT'S ALSO WRONG TO SAY TOO
MUCH.
I WISH THERE WAS A WAY TO SPLIT
THE DIFFERENCE.
>> INTRODUCING TEENY TINY
STATEMENT PIN TWB NEW CARPET
ACCESSORY THAT'S SO SMALL, IT'S
BARELY VISIBLE.
>> NOT EVERYONE HAS TO BE
BOMBARDED WITH MY OPINIONS, BUT
IF THEY WANT THEM, THEY CAN ZOOM
WAY, WAY, WAY IN.
>> I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT AND
NO ONE HAS TO KNOW.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
YOUR PIN CAN MAKE A STATEMENT
ABOUT WHATEVER'S MOST IMPORTANT
TO YOU LIKE --
>> LOVE IS LOVE.
>> PROTECT DEMOCRACY.
>> FREE ELLEN.
>> PAY TEACHERS MORE.
>> WE HAVE THE MEATS.
>> OR WE NO HAVE NO MEATS.
>> YOU CAN BE A TEENY TINY PART
OF THE CONVERSATION.
>> YOU FEEL VERY CONFIDENT IN MY
OPINION, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, IT
IS A BAD ONE, AND I DON'T WANT
PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT.
>> IT'S THE PERFECT STATEMENT
PIECE TO STYLE WITH ANY OUTFIT
BECAUSE IT'S INVISIBLE.
I'M EVEN WEARING ONE RIGHT NOW.
>> SOMETIMES A PHRASE ISN'T
NUANCED ENOUGH, THAT'S WHY TEENY
TINY STATEMENT PIN HAS SPACE FOR
UP TO 10,000 WORDS.
>> WOW.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.
>> IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
BUT YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT
SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE
IMPORTANT, THEN YOU'LL LOVE OUR
NEW VAGUE COLLECTION, A RANDOM
FLAG THAT BELONGS TO NO COUNTRY,
A CAT AND BABY TOGETHER, IT HAS
TO STOP AND IT HAS TO START.
>> THANKS TEENY TINY STATEMENT
PIN.
>>> LISTEN UP, GANG. WE'RE ALMOST DONE WITH Q1 HERE AT ROSEMAN FAMILY FLOORING, AND
OUR NUMBERS ARE BAD.
>> AND WE'RE GETTING CREAMED BY
TILE AND CARPET BECAUSE THEIR Q1
HAS BEEN GANG BUSTERS.
>> THEY HAVE A PHONE NUMBER THAT
STICK IN EVERYONE'S HEADS.
WE DON'T HAVE THAT.
WHAT'S OUR NUMBER?
>> 13525550178.
>> WE NEED TO MAKE THAT NUMBER
INTO A JINGLE THAT'S EVEN
CATCHIER.
>> BUT, BOSS, THERE'S NO WAY TO
MAKE THAT NUMBER A CATCHY
JINGLE.
>> IT'S WAY TOO COMPLICATED.
>> LAST NIGHT, MITCHELL AND I
WENT TO LUCCIANOS.
>> AND I WAS DRINKING, AND WHEN
I SAY DRINKING, I DON'T MEAN
DRINKING, I MEAN I WAS GETTING
RIPPED OFF STRAWBERRY DAQS.
>> WHILE MITCHELL WAS CRUSHING
THEM, A BAND TOOK THE STAGE AND
LAID DOWN THE CATCHIEST HOOKS I
HAD EVER HEARD.
FELLAS, GET IN HERE.
>> HELLO, CARPET PEOPLE.
>> WE ARE SOUL BOOTH.
>> THIS IS SOUL BOOTH, AND
THEY'RE HERE TO SAVE US.
>> I HEARD Y'ALL NEED A SEXY
LITTLE JINGLE TO JUICE UP YOUR
Q1.
>> YOU REMEMBER THIS ONE?
THEY AIN'T READY.
JINGLE RIGHT HERE.
ONE!
35.
HOO!
COME ON.
THE NEXT NUMBER IS -- TWO!
♪♪
FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE,
FIVE, FIVE -- ZERO!
HOO!
♪♪
ONE!
SEVEN!
♪♪
AND EIGHT!
WHO YA GONNA CALL, WHO YA GONNA
CALL, WHO YA GONNA CALL, TELL
'EM.
♪♪
ROSEMAN, ROSEMAN FAMILY
FLOORING.
>> GUYS, I'M SORRY BUT THAT'S
NOT GOING TO WORK FOR US.
>> WHAT'S WRONG, SUGAR?
>> DOESN'T FEEL LIKE WHAT WE
HEARD AT LUCCIANOS.
>> OH, YOU WANT LUCH?
>> YES.
WHEN I HEAR THIS TRACK, I SHOULD
FEEL LIKE I'M RIPPED TO THE GODS
AT LUCH.
FEEL ME?
>> AND I THINK THE NUMBERS
SHOULD BE CLOSER TOGETHER.
>> AND I THINK YOU SAID WAY TOO
MANY FIVES.
>> NOTES RECEIVED.
>> WELL, I THINK WE GOT JUST THE
GROOVE.
♪♪
>> YOU REMEMBER THIS ONE?
SEXY LITTLE NUMBER FOR YOU RIGHT
HERE.
COME ON.
MAKE LOVE TO ME.
HERE WE GO.
♪♪
ONE, TWO, THREE, TWO, FIVE,
FIVE, FIVE, ZERO, ONE, SEVEN,
EIGHT, 78, TELL THEM, 135, FIVE,
FIVE, FIVE, FIVE.
ROSEMAN FLAMILY, 78, 78,
ROSEMAN, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE.
>> DO I LOOK LIKE A DUMB ASS TO
YOU?
YOU CALL THAT A LUCHED UP TRACK?
>> THAT TRACK WAS HALF-LUCHED
TOPS.
>> TOPS.
I MEAN, WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT
THIS?
I SHOULD FEEL FIVE DECKS DEEP AT
LUCH RIGHT NOW.
>> IS THAT SO HARD?
IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO WRITE A
JINGLE THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
I'M GETTING DAQUED DOWN IN THE
BACK OF LUCH.
RICKY'S ABOUT TO CUT ME OFF, BUT
THEN THAT PEPPER BOY WITH THE
BOWL CUT LOOKS LIKE THE GOOD
DOCTOR ABOUT TO MAKE ME ACT UP!
>> EXACTLY.
IF YOU CAN'T GIVE THAT TO US,
THEN WE'RE DONE HERE.
UNDERSTAND?
>> FLABSOLUTELY.
>> ALSO, I WOULD LOVE IT IF THE
NUMBER WAS CLEARER.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE JUST THE
THING.
♪♪
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Q1 IS
COMING TO A CLOSE.
IT'S A SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR FOR
US ALL, AND IF WE'RE GOING TO DO
THIS JINGLE JUSTICE, WE'RE GOING
TO NEED A LITTLE HELP.
>> WHO?
ME?
BUT, SIRS, I DON'T KNOW THE
WORDS.
>> FREE YOUR MIND, MAMACITA, AND
THE REST WILL FOLLOW.
13,525,515,178 ♪
13 BILLION, 50,000, 178.
>> OH, MY GOD, MITCHELL.
DID WE DO IT?
WAS IT LUCCI?
>> CAROLYN, NOT ONLY WITH US
THAT PERFECT, BUT MORE
IMPORTANTLY, I FEEL ABSOLUTELY
DAQUED DOWN, PEPPED UP, AND
LUCHED OUT!
EVERYBODY!
HERE WE GO
♪♪
13,525,535,178 ♪
>>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANKS TO JERRY SIGN FIELD, THANKS TO TROYE SIVAN, LORNE
MICHAELS.
THANK YOU EVERYONE.
THIS IS HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE.
EVERYONE ON THE STAGE, EVERYONE
BEHIND THE SCENES MAKING IT
HAPPEN.
THIS HAS BEEN UNBELIEVABLE.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.