1 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:16,483 Hello, everybody. 2 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,219 Thank you for the press for joining us to document 3 00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:22,122 this very important presidential transition. Me? 4 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:25,925 I've been serious right now. 5 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,327 Even though we disagree. 6 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,263 I'm eager to sit down for a respectful conversation. 7 00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,965 Yeah, I get a lot of me. 8 00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:32,999 Instead of being rude 9 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,170 and crazy like usual, I'm doing quiet and serene, 10 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,974 which in many ways is a lot scarier. 11 00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:42,542 I'm going to sit here and smile 12 00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:46,613 while ignoring the giant fire right behind me. 13 00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:50,417 Just like that meme, can we put it up side by side? 14 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:55,955 And this is fine. 15 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,390 It does look like that. 16 00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:57,891 We love. 17 00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:58,958 This is fine, dog. 18 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:01,795 All right. 19 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,431 We're going to ask you reporters to leave so we can be alone. 20 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,066 And we're going to talk details. 21 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,467 That's right. We're going to have 22 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,704 just two bombers here talking about nukes. 23 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,138 We lost some. 24 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,174 We don't know where they are. 25 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,943 Anyway, have a good day. 26 00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:18,078 Thank you everyone. 27 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,613 You can screen your questions on the way out. 28 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,815 What's going to happen? 29 00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,951 Should I go to Canada? 30 00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:25,285 All right. 31 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,554 Now that we're alone, let's get to war. 32 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:28,555 We're going to go over that. 33 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,256 Last year, everyone survived the NATO briefings. 34 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,691 How does that sound? 35 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:36,763 Oh, I forgot how boring President is. 36 00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:37,697 Love running. 37 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,933 Hate being. 38 00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,101 And I hate the white House. 39 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,635 So old, so dated. So 40 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,740 many of the carpets are stinky and sticky at the same time. 41 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:51,111 Sort of like being at a Regal Cinemas now. 42 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:55,949 Don't live here for the next four years, possibly longer. 43 00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:57,684 Come on, let's be real, man. 44 00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:58,985 This place is great. 45 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,421 I have so many wonderful memories here. 46 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,590 Doctor Jill Hobson, foreign leaders. 47 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:07,527 My dog attacking every single one. 48 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,595 I brought my partner 49 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:12,465 together so much, they teamed up and kicked me out. 50 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,667 Wait a minute. 51 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,068 Maybe I hate it here too. 52 00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,803 Slow down. 53 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,939 I know it's awful, but I can't go back to Mar a 54 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:25,078 Lago, Joe, because Elon is there and he will not leave. 55 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,312 It's like, what about Bob? 56 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,113 He's walking around 57 00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,283 in his bathing suit, showing me videos of rockets and 58 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,752 monkeys with computers in their heads. 59 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,489 This guy|s cringe AF 60 00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:38,858 Oh, you're the president now. 61 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,727 You can just say anything you want to say. 62 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,595 You got to watch how you talk 63 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,764 because you got a lot of superpower power. 64 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,901 But power puff puff daddy, baby daddy, 65 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:51,938 daddy, daddy riding on a pony call macaroni. 66 00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:55,275 Wow. What the hell was that? 67 00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:57,243 Did you just do the weave? 68 00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,745 Oh. Come on, man. 69 00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,280 It's my own version of the wave. 70 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,815 I call it the launder. 71 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:05,685 And go here, I go there, so I come back. 72 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,087 Guess what? No. 73 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,890 All right, well, thanks for your advice, 74 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,759 but I already know how to do it. 75 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:15,462 It's all about surrounding yourself with the best people. 76 00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:20,934 And I am very fastly picking the most epic cabinet of all time. 77 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,470 There's some of the most dynamic, free thinking. 78 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:24,971 Animal killing, sexually 79 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,974 criminal, medically crazy people in the country. 80 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,642 Who are you thinking about? 81 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,845 Well, we've got Ellen and Matt Gates. 82 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,881 That's an alien versus predator. 83 00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,217 You have, 84 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,085 you got. 85 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:41,254 We got Kristi Noem and RFK Jr. 86 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,389 They're killing the dogs. 87 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,758 They're killing the bears. 88 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,860 And Melania will be working 89 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,296 remotely from divorce. 90 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,164 See what you're doing. 91 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:52,432 These nominations. 92 00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:55,502 You're picking a bunch of wacko jacko's and test out compliant. 93 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,404 The senator will be with your policy. 94 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,705 Yep. That's what I'm doing. 95 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,774 It's all part of a very smart plan 96 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:04,244 that I definitely thought of before you just said that. 97 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,178 Mr. president, 98 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,181 it's not on your agenda, but Matt Gates is here to see Mr. 99 00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:08,615 Trump. 100 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,618 All right, well. 101 00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:19,325 Hello, Mr. 102 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,061 Trump, thank you for having me. 103 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,363 And, Yeah, thank you for seeing me. 104 00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:27,133 And might I say giggity giggity. 105 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,336 Giggity to you as well? Matt. 106 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,470 I don't want to bother you. 107 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:33,239 I just wanted to thank you for nominating me 108 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,507 for attorney general. 109 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,409 I'm going to do a great job. 110 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,410 If anyone tries 111 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,813 to break the law, I'll tell them what I told. 112 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:43,683 My eyebrows freeze. 113 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,117 Come on. 114 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:45,352 Are you serious with these guys? 115 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,887 Guys, give me the pick. 116 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:48,421 Me too. 117 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,724 But I think he's going to be derivative. 118 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,992 Of course, I had to resign from Congress 119 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,928 because the confirmation process comes 120 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,863 at the busiest time of year for me. 121 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,733 The holidays. Girls volleyball season. 122 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,536 Anyway, I'll leave you be. 123 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:08,141 You've got another Jack King here to see you, RFK Jr. 124 00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:11,177 Bobby. 125 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:25,058 Hey, I don't mean to interrupt you. 126 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,926 I just wanted to tell you again. 127 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,964 I'm so honored to be the head of the Health 128 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,067 and Human Services Department. 129 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:37,737 Americans need someone to teach them how to be healthy. 130 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,874 Someone like me, a 70 year old man with movie 131 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:44,077 star looks and a worm in his brain. 132 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,078 Bobby, I love you. 133 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:45,412 I can't 134 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,480 wait to see what you do with this country 135 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:51,251 in terms of health and with regard to the measles outbreak. 136 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,254 I care deeply about a woman's right to choose 137 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,891 to choose to give her child polio. 138 00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,161 I just wish people would take my appointment more seriously. 139 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,696 All right, I gotta go. 140 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,631 I got a dead dolphin in my car. 141 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:06,933 I think I might 142 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,203 stop in half and dump it in Central Park. 143 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:11,037 I'll let you know. 144 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,339 Hey, I'll let you know how it goes. 145 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,807 Thanks for the job, man. 146 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,375 All right. 147 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:18,778 Hey, sentence. 148 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,914 No, Ron. 149 00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,315 Don, let's get serious. 150 00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:24,417 Or so I gotta tell you something. 151 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:27,120 I know your campaign was all about retribution, 152 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,389 but think of the opportunity you have to rise above it 153 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:30,657 and reach across the aisle 154 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,493 and use your enormous force personality. 155 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,463 Better the lives of all Americans. 156 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:36,863 I think 157 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,934 we'll be doing retribution, but that's very interesting. 158 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:41,935 You got to remember this. 159 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,336 You got off easy. 160 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,871 I think we both know if I was in the race, 161 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,706 I would have beat you like a drum. 162 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,941 Joe. That's one of the craziest 163 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,976 things I've ever heard anyone say. 164 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,444 And for that reason, I'd like to offer 165 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,812 you a position in my cabinet. 166 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,084 Okay, dude, you 167 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,920 need to make, take a little time off from this place. 168 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,756 What do you think you'll do next, Joe? 169 00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,090 Will you retire? 170 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,693 I'll do whatever worn down old guy does. 171 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:10,563 Come on to fight Jake Paul. 172 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,098 Live from New York 173 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,034 It's Saturday Night 174 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,608 It's Saturday Night Live. 175 00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:23,910 with... 176 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:28,034 Host and musical guest Charlie XCX 177 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,040 Ladies and gentlemen, 178 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,043 Charli XCX 179 00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,366 Thank you, thank you. 180 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,700 Thank you very much. 181 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:05,505 My name is Charlie XCX 182 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,774 But they refuse to recognize me. 183 00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:08,808 You might know me 184 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,579 from my album brat, but don't worry if you don't. 185 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:16,316 There is nothing wrong with being straight. 186 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,917 Okay, so a little about me. 187 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,887 I actually started performing when I was really young, 188 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:24,090 and I played at my first rave when I was 15 years old. 189 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,426 My parents actually drove me there. 190 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,994 And if you're wondering, 191 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,363 how did I get my parents to drive me to arrive? 192 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:35,969 Well, I just told them, guys, I've got swim practice 193 00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,371 at who I am 194 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,941 in a warehouse full of guys. 195 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,544 No, but seriously, I've come a long way, and today 196 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:48,081 I consider myself to be a triple threat. 197 00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:51,284 Which in England means I sing, 198 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,320 I drink, and I smoke. 199 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:57,257 Speaking of singing, I want to take a moment to thank 200 00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:01,061 someone who's been there for me my entire career. 201 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,430 Auto-Tune this auto 202 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,499 tune makes everything sound better. 203 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,268 Even really bad news. 204 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,204 Like this. Watch. 205 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,773 I'm breaking up with you. 206 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:18,678 I'm gonna look up with your dad. 207 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,314 See what I have to. 208 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,315 Say, brat. 209 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,584 Summer has been a crazy experience. 210 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,986 So many people have asked me, what is bra? 211 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,723 And honestly, it's just like an attitude. 212 00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:30,857 It's a vibe. 213 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:34,694 For example, the new Martha Stewart documentary 214 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:38,565 When Martha gets mad about an old magazine article 215 00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,000 and she says that she's glad 216 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,302 the journalist who wrote it is dead. 217 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,437 That is brat. 218 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,973 And then last Friday, when that exact 219 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,276 journalist responded and said, hey, I'm alive, bitch. 220 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,580 That is extremely bad. 221 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:57,117 Honestly though, anyone can be. 222 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,118 Really. 223 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,920 Even me 224 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,957 Oh Kyle Mooney 225 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,464 What is your favorite kind of club? 226 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,867 Probably turkey. Okay. 227 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,802 And what's your favorite kind of drug. 228 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,804 I take Clairton. 229 00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:18,738 Over the counter. 230 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,373 Hard. Cool. 231 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,675 And if someone spilled a drink 232 00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,276 on you at the club, what would you say? 233 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,077 No worries. 234 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,445 Carry on. Malade. 235 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,847 Oh, I've never had that before. 236 00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,916 So what do you say? 237 00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:33,753 Am I a brat? No. 238 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,089 Oh, good. 239 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,124 Luck. 240 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,427 Keeping it real is very bra. 241 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,162 Bra is all about being vulnerable. 242 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,597 So truly, this is a dream come true. 243 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,000 I am so excited to be here. 244 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:52,138 And I'm not used to being out this early on a Saturday night, 245 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,408 so you guys, it's worth it because we've got a great show. 246 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,578 For you tonight. 247 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,614 And we'll be right back. 248 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,260 >>> OKAY, AND THE FINAL ANSWER 249 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,064 IN "GUESS THAT BABY FOOD" IS -- 250 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:23,203 GERBER PUREED BEEF AND HAM! 251 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,405 >> OKAY, ME ACTUALLY LIKING IT. 252 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:25,805 [ LAUGHTER ] 253 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,407 >> OH, THAT WAS SO FUN. 254 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,910 OKAY, SWITCHING GEARS. 255 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,612 LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE 256 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,414 TO THE MILF OF THE HOUR, MY 257 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,548 COUSIN KELSEY! 258 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:39,519 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 259 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,354 >> AWW! 260 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:41,821 LOVE YOU! 261 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,757 YOU KILLED REHAB! 262 00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,225 WELCOME BACK. 263 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,227 >> LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE 264 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,261 PAPA TO BE. 265 00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:48,595 KIDDING. 266 00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:50,096 JUST FOUR WEEKS TILL WE MEET OUR 267 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:50,463 LITTLE ONE. 268 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,299 >> I WOULD NOW LIKE TO INVITE UP 269 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:57,904 KELSEY'S BESTIES, AKA KEL-SQUAD! 270 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,173 >> WHAT UP? 271 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,307 INSTEAD OF A GIFT, WE'RE GOING 272 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,809 TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR 273 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,577 Y'ALL BECAUSE WE'RE A LITTLE BIT 274 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,046 ARTISTIC AND A LITTLE BIT 275 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,348 RANDOM. 276 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:12,819 >> LAST MONTH, WE TOOK KELSEY ON 277 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,888 ONE LAST GIRL'S TRIP, A BESTIES 278 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,389 BABYMOON. 279 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,057 >> I THINK THE BABYMOON IS 280 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:17,624 NORMALLY FOR THE COUPLE BUT 281 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,692 QUEENS GOTTA BE QUEENS. 282 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:22,362 [ LAUGHTER ] 283 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,897 >> LET'S JUST SAY KELSEY WAS HOT 284 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,365 TO GO ON OUR VACAY, SO WE WROTE 285 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:31,104 A SPECIAL SONG ABOUT IT. 286 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,339 THEY SAY EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN 287 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,208 TEXAS. 288 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,810 >> BUT KELSEY'S ALREADY EFFING 289 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,311 HUGE, SO WE WENT TO MIAMI! 290 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,079 >> FIVE, SIX, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, 291 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,080 EIGHT! 292 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,348 * KELSEY IS OUR BESTIE GOT TO BE 293 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,850 A MAMA * 294 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,452 * SO WE TOOK A TRIP IN MY 295 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,355 HYUNDAI SONATA * 296 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,523 * JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT 297 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:54,594 DON'T MEAN YOU'RE A BEGANMY * 298 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,261 * KELSEY COULDN'T FLY SO WE 299 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,596 DROVE TO MIAMI * 300 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,366 * WE WENT TO THE SPA BUT KELSEY 301 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,600 GOT TO TOP IT ALL * 302 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:05,038 * WE SAY KELSEY GET OFF YOUR 303 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,506 PHONE * 304 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,240 * BECAUSE WE KNOW WHO SHE'S 305 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:15,048 TEXTING KNOW WHO SHE'S TEXTING * 306 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:21,388 * D-O-M-I-N-G-O * 307 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,155 * SHE'S SENDING HIM HER PREGNANT 308 00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,057 NEWS * 309 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,125 >> WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? 310 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,060 >> OH, MY GOD, BABE, JUST LISTEN 311 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:27,861 TO THE WHOLE SONG BEFORE YOU 312 00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:28,762 MAKE, LIKE, A SNAP JUDGMENT. 313 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,063 [ LAUGHTER ] 314 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,065 >> OKAY, WELL THE SONG JUST 315 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,967 STARTED AND WE'RE ALREADY AT 316 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:37,237 PREGNANT NEWS. 317 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,774 * DANCING AT THE CLUB KELSEY'S 318 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:41,541 HAD IT * 319 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:42,308 * TAKE HER TO THE BATHROOM AND 320 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,811 SHE JUST STARTS SHOUTING * 321 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,079 * SHE SAYS EIGHT MONTHS AGO IS A 322 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,949 LITTLE BIT HAZY * 323 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:50,884 * I'M 90% SURE IT'S NOT 324 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,318 DOMINGO'S BABY * 325 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:52,986 >> WAIT, WHAT? 326 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:53,520 THERE'S A CHANCE IT ISN'T EVEN 327 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,220 MY KID? 328 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,088 >> HEY, BABE, ARE YOU LISTENING? 329 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,956 I SAID 90% NOT HIS BABY. 330 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,258 TRUST THE MATH. 331 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,494 [ LAUGHTER ] 332 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,030 * NOW WE CAN FINALLY SEE WHY 333 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,901 KELSEY BROUGHT US TO MIAMI * 334 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,337 * SHE HAS THE ADDRESS OF HIS 335 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,438 CHILDHOOD HOME * 336 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,240 * SHE NEEDS TO TELL FAMILY THEY 337 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,742 COMPLETELY EMBRACE HER * 338 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:16,409 >> IS THE POINT OF THIS SONG 339 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,846 THAT YOU SAW DOMINGO IN MIAMI? 340 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:20,880 >> NO, THE POINT IS IT IS HOT TO 341 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,282 GO. 342 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,750 [ LAUGHTER ] 343 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:27,187 * D-O-M-I-N-G-O * 344 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:30,957 * KELSEY'S LEARNING ESPANOL * 345 00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:38,598 * D-O-M-I-N-G-O * 346 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,601 * GET ON YOUR DUOLINGO * 347 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,536 >> I KNEW I HEARD YOU SPEAKING 348 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,072 SPANISH THE BATHROOM. 349 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:46,840 * WE DON'T KNOW WHERE KELSEY'S 350 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,574 BEEN * 351 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,341 * LOOK HER UP ON FIND MY 352 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,309 FRIENDS * 353 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,810 * SHE'S STANDING IN THE OCEAN 354 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:54,547 LIKE SHE DON'T GIVE A DAMN * 355 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:55,181 * THEN SHE PULLS OUT THE 356 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,217 SONOGRAM * 357 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,985 * SHE SAYS WE CAME TO MIAMI 358 00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:00,487 'CAUSE SHE FOUND OUT THE 359 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,224 PATERNITY * 360 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,493 * THE DOCTOR SAYS IT IS TWINS 361 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,727 AND ONE IS MATTHEW'S AND ONE IS 362 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,929 DOMINGO'S * 363 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:10,597 [ LAUGHTER ] 364 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:11,364 >> THAT IS BIOLOGICALLY 365 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:14,334 IMPOSSIBLE. 366 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,936 >> OKAY, MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERY 367 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:17,203 DAY. 368 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:18,738 >> I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A 369 00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:20,040 QUESTION, AND I WANT YOU TO BE 370 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,174 HONEST WITH ME. 371 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:21,841 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW 372 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,510 DOMINGO? 373 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,511 >> IT IS TODAY! 374 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,682 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 375 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,683 * HEY MY BROTHER AREN'T YOU 376 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,184 HAPPY * 377 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,686 * HEARING FROM DOMINGO WE BOTH 378 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,454 ARE DADDIES * 379 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,689 * DOMINGO GONNA BE IN YOUR LIFE 380 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,190 FOREVER * 381 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,692 * WE'LL RAISE OUR BABIES IN 382 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,195 MIAMI TOGETHER * 383 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,197 >> WAIT, WE'RE MOVING TO MIAMI? 384 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,901 >> YEAH. 385 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,371 IF YOU WANT TO COPARENT. 386 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,072 >> CAN WE HAVE A WATER BIRTH? 387 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:52,972 I HAVE A HOT TUB! 388 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:53,840 [ LAUGHTER ] 389 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,576 >> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT! 390 00:17:56,609 --> 00:18:02,882 * D-O-M-I-N-G-O * 391 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:07,220 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 392 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,857 Audiences cannot wait to see the star studded cast. 393 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,692 It was a month before production. 394 00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:16,529 Screen actors across Hollywood auditioned to step foot in arms. 395 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,265 Here are their never before seen screen tests. 396 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,536 Okay, Jojo Siwa reading for Glinda popular. 397 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,072 You're going to be popular. 398 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,741 I may be a gateway, but. 399 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,043 I'm still a bad girl. 400 00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,912 Okay, testing for Elphaba. Adele. 401 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:33,580 Oh, hello. 402 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,281 Can I take my shoes off? 403 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,149 Okay. Adele. 404 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:37,450 Okay. Wicked. 405 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,518 Oh, my God, 406 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:43,923 I said the name of the bloody movie shop King sunny. 407 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,859 Next we have Shannon Sharpe. 408 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:46,860 What's up? He is agreeing with you. 409 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,629 The good one, the good. We know what the bad is. 410 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:50,063 What? Awful. 411 00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:51,731 You going to tell me you made it? Monkeys fly. 412 00:18:51,765 --> 00:18:53,533 Come alone. Elphaba. 413 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,802 Fran Lebowitz for Madame Marvel. 414 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,605 This is why people pretend it's an Emerald City. 415 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,174 It's an Emerald city, but it's a yellow brick road. 416 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,375 Everyone saying ding dong. 417 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,477 The witches said, what are you, a? 418 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,346 Next up, Sydney Sweeney. 419 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,313 Hello. 420 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:11,017 We are you like, a wizard or whatever? 421 00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,286 Oh, Rambo. 422 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,222 Bernie Sanders for the mayor of Munchkinland. 423 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:19,059 We are sending millions. 424 00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,695 And billions to the wizard. 425 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,329 Meanwhile, the. 426 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,666 Munchkins are living paycheck to paycheck. 427 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:27,901 Sebastian Maniscalco. 428 00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,436 So, doctor dilemma. 429 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:33,606 I take my first little step in decision diversity. 430 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,674 You heard it. It's. 431 00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:37,210 They gotta go for a teacher. 432 00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,245 I gotta get out of here. 433 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,714 Take it somewhere else. 434 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:44,751 Why would you do that, Martha Stewart? 435 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:48,088 Some people are born wicked, while others have wickedness 436 00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:49,422 thrust upon them. 437 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,559 You know, someone thrust upon me once. 438 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:55,161 Wonderful Irish mum. 439 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,863 Reading for Glinda and Elphaba. 440 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,766 We have Charlie and Troy survive. 441 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,269 Can I call you Alfie? No. 442 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:08,675 I earned buddy, too, because I'm a bitch and you're a witch. 443 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:09,709 I'm confused. 444 00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:10,910 I'm not a wheat charmer. 445 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,679 All next is. 446 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,215 Al Pacino for his munchkins. 447 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,416 And this. Right. 448 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,018 So maybe I could say something like. 449 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:21,755 Say hello to my little friend. 450 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:24,557 You know, I died once, 451 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,759 and there was nothing. 452 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,795 Next stop, Leslie Mann for Glinda. You. 453 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,764 Why are you green? 454 00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:33,700 I would love to be green, but, 455 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,735 I'm like a mom. 456 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,971 Janet Jackson reading for Elphaba. 457 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,372 And what movie is this for? 458 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,340 It's for wicked. 459 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,809 Oh, I don't want to be in this. No. 460 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,978 Margy Madison for menorah. 461 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,480 I. Hey, maybe you want to go to a private room 462 00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:50,917 and meet the wizard, but you don't have any cash. 463 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,154 I'll just go to an ATM in Oz. 464 00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:56,956 Bad Bunny is screen testing for Sierra. 465 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,897 There you go. That's great. 466 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,966 Any chance we could get it again in English? No. 467 00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:12,872 Oh. Oh. 468 00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:22,649 We now return. 469 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,618 To the Thanksgiving Baking Championship. 470 00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:28,888 Okay, bakers, time is up. 471 00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:31,124 Today's theme was Thanksgiving bounty. 472 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:34,594 And you had two hours to create cakes worth giving thanks for. 473 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,796 And as an extra challenge, you had to include 474 00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:39,833 a mechanical element to bring your cake to life. 475 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:42,435 First up is home baker Leah. 476 00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:43,536 Hi, judges. 477 00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:48,308 I love Thanksgiving and I hope you love my cake. 478 00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:49,542 Oh. You're adorable. 479 00:21:49,576 --> 00:21:50,944 Tell us what you've made. 480 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,345 Well, my cake honors 481 00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,314 the man who organized the first Thanksgiving. 482 00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,017 The governor of Plymouth, Mr. William Bradford. 483 00:21:57,117 --> 00:22:01,087 He may be a puritan, but this cake is pure delicious 484 00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:03,256 with tempered chocolate marshmallow beard. 485 00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:06,159 And instead of flour, I use sweetened cornmeal. 486 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:10,063 Or should I say maize meal? 487 00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:12,165 Wow, you did all that in two hours? 488 00:22:12,198 --> 00:22:14,267 Yes, sir, somehow I did. 489 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,670 All right, well, let's see it. Okay. 490 00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:25,645 I messed up. 491 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:26,746 Leo, sweetie. 492 00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,715 What happened? 493 00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:30,550 I think, time got away from me. 494 00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:34,754 And also, I think I might be stupid, 495 00:22:34,788 --> 00:22:35,188 you know? 496 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,791 I get that, yeah, it is the popcorn on its head. 497 00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,325 Supposed to be the maize. 498 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,697 I don't I don't know, I don't know what maize is. 499 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:43,997 Okay. 500 00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:45,665 And what about your mechanical element? 501 00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:46,933 Oh, right. Yeah. 502 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:49,969 You guys just let me turn it on. 503 00:22:54,107 --> 00:22:54,841 Oh, no. 504 00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,143 Is that what you meant to happen? 505 00:22:57,177 --> 00:22:59,479 I don't know what I meant. 506 00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:02,649 I have embarrassed myself and my homeland. 507 00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:03,616 Where are you from? 508 00:23:03,650 --> 00:23:06,853 I'm from here. Goodbye. 509 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,121 Okay, well, that's too bad. 510 00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:11,758 But next up, from across the pond, let's say hi to Juliana. 511 00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:12,892 Hello. 512 00:23:12,926 --> 00:23:15,862 First of all, pumped to be here. 513 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,864 And secondly, we Brits. 514 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:22,068 We don't have Thanksgiving, so this might get a bit hairy. 515 00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:23,803 Well, why don't you tell us what you made? 516 00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:24,771 With pleasure. 517 00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:29,376 Basically made the first thing I thought of, which is Turkey. 518 00:23:30,677 --> 00:23:33,146 So this handsome boy's feathers 519 00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:36,783 are hazelnut fondant airbrushed with iridescent icing. 520 00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:40,186 And his wattle is made from homemade sticky toffee. 521 00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:41,121 Toffee. 522 00:23:41,154 --> 00:23:44,090 Gobble, gobble. Am I right? 523 00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:45,959 Wow, that sounds amazing. 524 00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:50,096 It does sound like that doesn't have. 525 00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:51,197 Let's see. 526 00:23:51,231 --> 00:23:54,234 Oh, right. Up. 527 00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:02,509 Wow. That's not what you described at all. 528 00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:03,910 Yeah. It's bad. 529 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,446 I messed up. 530 00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:08,148 Can we see your animated element? 531 00:24:08,181 --> 00:24:11,184 I'm not sure you want to say. 532 00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,790 It. Oh, my. 533 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:19,459 Can we show this on TV? 534 00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:22,495 I asked, ma'am just to take my time. 535 00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:25,298 Okay, well, let's go ahead and taste your cake. 536 00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:26,966 Okay. 537 00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:29,202 Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. 538 00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:31,071 Is that actual turkey meat? 539 00:24:31,071 --> 00:24:31,871 It might be. 540 00:24:31,905 --> 00:24:34,908 Yeah. Sorry about that. 541 00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:35,975 I'm dying. My go. 542 00:24:36,076 --> 00:24:37,644 What is your cake doing now? 543 00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:40,280 Oh, that's the stuffing. 544 00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:44,751 I think his body is rejecting it. 545 00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:50,390 Dear God. 546 00:24:50,423 --> 00:24:52,625 Next up is Sandi. 547 00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:53,660 Hello, judges. 548 00:24:53,693 --> 00:24:57,197 I hate to toot my own cake, but I think what I did 549 00:24:57,230 --> 00:25:00,500 today is a Thanksgiving feast for the eyes. 550 00:25:07,474 --> 00:25:10,043 Okay. 551 00:25:10,043 --> 00:25:13,046 Next up is Ralph. 552 00:25:13,413 --> 00:25:15,181 That's it. Why? 553 00:25:15,215 --> 00:25:18,051 You just want it. Too bad. 554 00:25:18,051 --> 00:25:19,953 Well, it's a lot better than her cake, 555 00:25:20,053 --> 00:25:22,055 which is ruining Thanksgiving. 556 00:25:22,055 --> 00:25:25,058 Okay. 557 00:25:26,726 --> 00:25:30,196 Just rest at me. 558 00:25:30,230 --> 00:25:32,232 Sandi, that's on you. 559 00:25:32,265 --> 00:25:34,367 Finally, we go to Ralph. 560 00:25:34,401 --> 00:25:38,338 We've had a lot of fun here today, and Thanksgiving is fun. 561 00:25:38,371 --> 00:25:40,507 But it's also a time for connection with family. 562 00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:40,940 A family 563 00:25:41,775 --> 00:25:43,276 that might not always see eye to eye, 564 00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:45,078 but with a little luck and patience. 565 00:25:45,078 --> 00:25:47,447 Might just be able to see heart to heart. 566 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:48,448 That's why I made this. 567 00:25:54,988 --> 00:25:57,323 And you use dark chocolate? 568 00:25:57,357 --> 00:25:58,124 Yes, ma'am. 569 00:25:58,158 --> 00:26:01,661 And the turkey's a nine inch dildo. 570 00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:04,064 Wow. We have a tough decision to make. 571 00:26:04,097 --> 00:26:07,100 Yeah. How? 572 00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,344 * THERE IS SOMETHING ON MY MIND 573 00:26:17,377 --> 00:26:18,078 FOR A LONG TIME * 574 00:26:18,111 --> 00:26:19,846 * A SPECIAL PASSION OF MINE I DO 575 00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:21,848 IT EVERY CHANCE THAT I FIND * 576 00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:23,583 * SO NEXT TIME YOU WALK PAST AND 577 00:26:23,616 --> 00:26:25,352 THROW AWAY YOUR TRASH * 578 00:26:25,385 --> 00:26:27,587 * I'LL PICK UP THE PHONE AND 579 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:33,326 THEN DO WHAT I DO BEST * 580 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:34,594 * NOW HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU 581 00:26:34,627 --> 00:26:42,602 TO THE COPS * 582 00:26:42,635 --> 00:26:43,269 * HERE I GO 583 00:26:43,303 --> 00:26:45,872 I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS * 584 00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:46,639 * AND ALL MY NEIGHBORS THINK I'M 585 00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:48,608 RIGHT * 586 00:26:48,641 --> 00:26:50,110 * I'VE BEEN ITCHING TO DO SOME 587 00:26:50,143 --> 00:26:54,514 SNITCHING * 588 00:26:54,547 --> 00:26:55,582 * IN MY KITCHEN IT'S MY 589 00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:56,216 CONDITION * 590 00:26:56,249 --> 00:26:58,685 * PICKING UP THAT PHONE * 591 00:26:58,718 --> 00:27:00,687 * AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED 592 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,423 TO DO THIS ANYMORE * 593 00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:06,026 * BUT DOES IT HELP TO KNOW THAT 594 00:27:06,026 --> 00:27:08,928 WHO I SNITCHED ON WAS WHITE * 595 00:27:09,029 --> 00:27:10,697 * WE CAN ALL RELAX AND ENJOY 596 00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:16,770 THIS INCREDIBLE SONG * 597 00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:17,570 * ABOUT CAUSING THE PIGS TO 598 00:27:17,604 --> 00:27:18,838 [ BLEEP ] * 599 00:27:18,872 --> 00:27:19,572 * HAVING THE CAKE AND EATING IT 600 00:27:19,606 --> 00:27:19,906 TOO * 601 00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:20,874 * I BAKED THE CAKE AND ATE THE 602 00:27:20,907 --> 00:27:22,308 CAKE * 603 00:27:22,342 --> 00:27:23,810 * HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH HELL, 604 00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:28,815 YEAH HELL, YEAH * 605 00:27:28,848 --> 00:27:30,316 * NOW HERE I GO 606 00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:33,086 I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS * 607 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,823 * THEY'RE ALL WHITE * 608 00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:38,091 * HERE I GO 609 00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:41,094 I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS * 610 00:27:41,127 --> 00:27:41,828 * GONNA SLEEP LIKE A BABY 611 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:42,595 TONIGHT NOW MAKE WAY FOR MY 612 00:27:42,629 --> 00:27:44,097 WIFE * 613 00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:48,101 * NOW HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE 614 00:27:48,134 --> 00:27:48,868 'CAUSE I'M GONNA CALL * 615 00:27:48,902 --> 00:27:49,836 * THEY'RE GONNA ROLL UP ANY 616 00:27:49,869 --> 00:27:52,972 MINUTE * 617 00:27:53,073 --> 00:27:56,409 * I PAY MY [ BLEEP ] TAXES * 618 00:27:56,443 --> 00:27:57,677 * THEY CAN ONLY MAKE ME FEEL 619 00:27:57,711 --> 00:28:01,181 GIDDY * 620 00:28:01,214 --> 00:28:03,883 * PULL UP WITHIN TWO CENTIMETERS 621 00:28:03,917 --> 00:28:08,521 OF MY DRIVEWAY BITCH * 622 00:28:08,555 --> 00:28:09,756 * WE HAVE NO ONE LIKE YOU TO 623 00:28:09,789 --> 00:28:13,193 SHOW UP THE WAY WE DO * 624 00:28:13,226 --> 00:28:16,196 * WHEN I GET MY BINOCULARS ON 625 00:28:16,229 --> 00:28:17,697 THE FRONT LAWN I SAW YOU 626 00:28:17,731 --> 00:28:19,199 LOOKING * 627 00:28:19,232 --> 00:28:23,703 * HAVE FUN AT CENTRAL BOOKING * 628 00:28:23,737 --> 00:28:24,437 * NOW HERE I GO 629 00:28:24,471 --> 00:28:25,705 I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS * 630 00:28:25,739 --> 00:28:26,439 * THE COP YEAH THE COP THE 631 00:28:26,473 --> 00:28:31,111 COPITY COP * 632 00:28:31,144 --> 00:28:31,745 * THE COPITY COP * 633 00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:32,946 * THEN I WALK OUTSIDE LIKE 634 00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,316 WHAT'S GOING ON * 635 00:28:36,349 --> 00:28:37,050 * EVERYONE'S GONNA KNOW IT WAS 636 00:28:37,083 --> 00:28:38,351 ME * 637 00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:39,352 * BUT THEY CAN'T SAY [ BLEEP ] 638 00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:40,086 BECAUSE I REPORTED IT 639 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,856 ANONYMOUSLY * 640 00:28:42,889 --> 00:28:43,590 * HERE I GO 641 00:28:43,623 --> 00:28:44,824 I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS * 642 00:28:44,858 --> 00:28:45,592 * BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'LL 643 00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:46,593 SHOW UP FOR THAT COURT DATE 644 00:28:46,626 --> 00:28:49,362 YEAH * 645 00:28:49,396 --> 00:28:55,802 * HERE I GO * 646 00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:58,371 * HELL YA * 647 00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:02,008 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 648 00:29:11,017 --> 00:29:12,485 What is up, everybody? 649 00:29:12,519 --> 00:29:14,921 Welcome to Banger Boys, the podcast 650 00:29:15,021 --> 00:29:17,924 that goes forward every single week. 651 00:29:18,024 --> 00:29:21,528 I'm Mark, that's Duggan, and PJ is all eyes. 652 00:29:21,561 --> 00:29:26,366 Plus over here, our producer Kara. Hey. 653 00:29:26,399 --> 00:29:28,835 So, guys, we got a lot to cover today. 654 00:29:28,868 --> 00:29:31,404 Duggan's got a hilarious story about getting his sack 655 00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:35,475 punched by an Insta baddie back. 656 00:29:35,508 --> 00:29:39,512 And then we'll discuss how they built the pyramids. 657 00:29:39,546 --> 00:29:41,748 But first, how about a man Trump, Oh, dude. 658 00:29:41,781 --> 00:29:43,149 He's awesome. 659 00:29:43,183 --> 00:29:44,651 I can't believe he was on our podcast. 660 00:29:44,684 --> 00:29:46,519 Like two weeks ago. Dude. 661 00:29:46,553 --> 00:29:47,954 I don't want to jinx it or anything, 662 00:29:48,054 --> 00:29:51,925 but I feel like Trump could actually win this thing. 663 00:29:51,958 --> 00:29:55,228 Duggan he did win 664 00:29:55,261 --> 00:29:55,695 last Tuesday. 665 00:29:55,729 --> 00:29:58,064 But you want. 666 00:29:58,064 --> 00:30:00,166 To do. 667 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:01,201 This second. 668 00:30:01,234 --> 00:30:01,735 Yeah. 669 00:30:02,769 --> 00:30:04,637 Before we get to all that and the sponsors, Kara. 670 00:30:04,671 --> 00:30:08,274 Vengaboys is brought to you by cargo condom, 671 00:30:08,308 --> 00:30:12,445 the only condoms with pockets, cargo condoms. 672 00:30:12,479 --> 00:30:16,916 And by then junior nicotine pouches for kids. 673 00:30:16,950 --> 00:30:19,786 All the nicotine with that great cherry flavor. 674 00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:23,189 Then junior. Sick. 675 00:30:23,223 --> 00:30:23,656 So yeah. 676 00:30:24,591 --> 00:30:26,226 President Trump's president now and he like 677 00:30:26,259 --> 00:30:28,695 said that being on banger boys helped him with young voters. 678 00:30:28,728 --> 00:30:30,663 That is so sick. Yeah. 679 00:30:30,697 --> 00:30:31,664 And we all got to hang with him. 680 00:30:31,698 --> 00:30:34,167 That was wild I know right. 681 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,870 We did the podcast on his plane. So baller. 682 00:30:36,903 --> 00:30:38,772 Yeah, it was awesome. Dude. 683 00:30:38,805 --> 00:30:41,374 They asked us to meet at the secret airport, and it's called 684 00:30:41,408 --> 00:30:43,610 Titty Baby. 685 00:30:43,643 --> 00:30:47,947 It it's called Teterboro. 686 00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:49,015 Right. 687 00:30:49,049 --> 00:30:50,083 But we got on his plane 688 00:30:50,116 --> 00:30:52,185 and we talked to Trump for, like, two hours. 689 00:30:52,218 --> 00:30:54,554 And then when it was over, he kicked us off the plane 690 00:30:54,587 --> 00:30:56,322 in, like, Grand Rapids, Michigan. 691 00:30:56,356 --> 00:30:58,525 And we had to, like, find our own way back. 692 00:30:58,558 --> 00:31:00,360 It was just. 693 00:31:00,393 --> 00:31:02,062 That Greyhound bus smell. 694 00:31:02,062 --> 00:31:04,497 Crazy. 695 00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,800 Total road trip. Guys. 696 00:31:06,833 --> 00:31:07,367 We got to talk. 697 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,702 Mike Tyson v Jake Paul. 698 00:31:08,735 --> 00:31:11,338 But first some sponsors. 699 00:31:11,371 --> 00:31:14,441 Banger Boys and sponsored by Topgolf. 700 00:31:14,474 --> 00:31:16,810 Find out which one of your coworkers 701 00:31:16,843 --> 00:31:21,548 is an alcoholic at guts and by MailChimp. 702 00:31:21,581 --> 00:31:24,451 Do you have a female chimp and need a male one? 703 00:31:24,484 --> 00:31:29,723 While this guy named Doug has a male chance? 704 00:31:29,756 --> 00:31:30,690 Sick. 705 00:31:30,724 --> 00:31:31,925 Wait, dude, is that your phone? 706 00:31:31,958 --> 00:31:34,494 Whoa. Sorry, bro. Yeah, 707 00:31:34,527 --> 00:31:36,429 it says it for more a longer. 708 00:31:36,463 --> 00:31:38,865 Answer it, bro. All right, all right, all right. 709 00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:41,634 Hello. Oh. Hi, sir. 710 00:31:41,668 --> 00:31:43,837 Yeah. Okay. Go. 711 00:31:43,870 --> 00:31:46,373 Oh, what was that about? Oh. 712 00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:47,874 Oh, dude. That was trouble. 713 00:31:47,907 --> 00:31:53,580 He said that he's naming me the secretary of the Commerce 714 00:31:53,613 --> 00:31:56,316 One week, Secretary of commerce. 715 00:31:56,349 --> 00:31:58,118 What even is that? 716 00:31:58,118 --> 00:32:01,488 I think it means he's in charge of, like, all the commercials. 717 00:32:01,521 --> 00:32:04,557 All of them, I think so, yeah. 718 00:32:04,591 --> 00:32:06,659 Yeah, bro, first thing, I'm going to do an offense. 719 00:32:06,693 --> 00:32:12,065 I'm going to fire that little Geico snake. 720 00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:13,266 Snake digging. 721 00:32:13,299 --> 00:32:14,467 It's a gecko. 722 00:32:14,501 --> 00:32:15,869 It's a snake, bro. 723 00:32:15,902 --> 00:32:17,470 It's a statement he likes bro. 724 00:32:17,504 --> 00:32:19,873 No snakes on have legs. Remember? 725 00:32:19,906 --> 00:32:21,641 That's what makes them snakes. 726 00:32:21,675 --> 00:32:22,842 So do you disagree? 727 00:32:22,876 --> 00:32:24,844 My brother? 728 00:32:24,878 --> 00:32:25,979 Hey, guys. You know. 729 00:32:26,079 --> 00:32:29,082 I'm not sure that's what Secretary of Commerce is about. 730 00:32:29,082 --> 00:32:32,886 Like, I think it's about, like, international trade war. 731 00:32:32,919 --> 00:32:35,288 Okay. Relax. Relax. 732 00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:36,489 I don't think that's right. 733 00:32:36,523 --> 00:32:38,258 Okay, let's talk about Fridays. 734 00:32:38,291 --> 00:32:38,625 Fine. 735 00:32:38,658 --> 00:32:39,325 So, listen, 736 00:32:39,359 --> 00:32:40,994 Jake Paul is obviously a friend 737 00:32:41,094 --> 00:32:43,563 of the pod, and his beard rules. 738 00:32:43,596 --> 00:32:45,331 But is it weird that he fought Mike Tyson? 739 00:32:45,365 --> 00:32:47,334 Guess like 58 years old. 740 00:32:47,367 --> 00:32:48,301 What's wrong with that? 741 00:32:48,335 --> 00:32:52,572 My dad's 64 and still kicks my ass every week. 742 00:32:52,605 --> 00:32:53,907 Digging for real? 743 00:32:53,940 --> 00:32:55,108 Yeah. Like on Wednesday. 744 00:32:55,108 --> 00:32:56,409 I called him worse and, 745 00:32:56,443 --> 00:33:00,447 he picked me up over his head and just threw me off our deck. 746 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,049 Yeah, I hit my head so hard I can't even take it anymore. 747 00:33:03,049 --> 00:33:05,885 My dad's hilarious. 748 00:33:05,919 --> 00:33:08,221 So crazy. 749 00:33:08,254 --> 00:33:10,056 The sponsor care? Yeah. 750 00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:15,128 Bangor Boys is sponsored by warm plunges, cold plunges. 751 00:33:15,161 --> 00:33:16,663 They just got a hell of a lot 752 00:33:16,696 --> 00:33:19,799 more comfortable with warm plunge 753 00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:21,267 Pube Wacker 754 00:33:21,301 --> 00:33:25,171 Be very careful, 755 00:33:25,205 --> 00:33:27,440 Hey! Hold up. 756 00:33:27,474 --> 00:33:29,676 That's my phone. 757 00:33:29,709 --> 00:33:31,077 Hello? 758 00:33:31,111 --> 00:33:33,179 Yes, sir. 759 00:33:33,213 --> 00:33:34,647 Yeah, I guess so. 760 00:33:34,681 --> 00:33:35,682 Okay. 761 00:33:35,715 --> 00:33:38,084 You too, sir. 762 00:33:38,084 --> 00:33:40,487 So now it's Trump. 763 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,791 I'm the new ambassador to Iran. 764 00:33:44,824 --> 00:33:47,327 PJ, you were going to body that job, dude. 765 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,230 So cool. Right? 766 00:33:50,263 --> 00:33:53,767 I don't know if I want to do that. 767 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,502 Do you think I have to, like, live the Earth? 768 00:33:55,535 --> 00:33:58,738 Oh, no. Maybe you can do it on zoom. 769 00:33:58,772 --> 00:34:01,675 Okay, well, let's let PJ figure this out, then. 770 00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:02,142 Do it. 771 00:34:02,909 --> 00:34:03,643 Tonight we're going to talk about 772 00:34:03,677 --> 00:34:05,612 how the pyramids were created, bro. 773 00:34:05,645 --> 00:34:06,413 Aliens? 774 00:34:06,446 --> 00:34:07,647 No, it's a pulley system. 775 00:34:07,681 --> 00:34:10,183 It's, It's like ropes. 776 00:34:10,216 --> 00:34:12,419 Which means it's going. 777 00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:30,537 >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S 778 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:34,407 CHARLI XCX! 779 00:34:34,441 --> 00:34:35,075 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 780 00:34:35,075 --> 00:34:43,416 ** 781 00:34:43,450 --> 00:34:45,719 * I WENT MY OWN WAY 782 00:34:45,752 --> 00:34:46,353 AND I MADE IT 783 00:34:46,386 --> 00:34:46,986 I'M YOUR FAVORITE REFERENCE 784 00:34:47,087 --> 00:34:47,721 BABY * 785 00:34:47,754 --> 00:34:48,455 * CALL ME GABBRIETTE 786 00:34:48,488 --> 00:34:49,456 YOU'RE SO INSPIRED 787 00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:50,190 AHH AHH * 788 00:34:50,223 --> 00:34:51,224 * I'M TECTONIC 789 00:34:51,257 --> 00:34:52,225 MOVES I MAKE 'EM 790 00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:53,193 SHOCK YOU LIKE 791 00:34:53,226 --> 00:34:54,928 DEFIBRILLATORS * 792 00:34:54,961 --> 00:34:56,463 * NO STYLE I CAN'T RELATE 793 00:34:56,496 --> 00:34:57,697 I'LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE 794 00:34:57,731 --> 00:34:59,699 AHH * 795 00:34:59,733 --> 00:35:01,701 * DROP DOWN YEAH 796 00:35:01,735 --> 00:35:03,203 PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON 797 00:35:03,236 --> 00:35:05,205 SO STYLISH 798 00:35:05,238 --> 00:35:07,207 BABY TEE IS ALL GONE * 799 00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:09,209 * DROP DOWN YEAH 800 00:35:09,242 --> 00:35:11,211 LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON 801 00:35:11,244 --> 00:35:13,947 WORK ANGLES * 802 00:35:14,047 --> 00:35:14,948 * YEAH 360 803 00:35:15,048 --> 00:35:16,216 WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR 804 00:35:16,249 --> 00:35:16,950 DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? * 805 00:35:17,050 --> 00:35:17,951 * WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR 806 00:35:18,051 --> 00:35:18,718 YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT * 807 00:35:18,752 --> 00:35:20,220 * I'M EVERYWHERE 808 00:35:20,253 --> 00:35:21,955 I'M SO JULIA 809 00:35:22,055 --> 00:35:22,956 AH-AH AHH * 810 00:35:23,056 --> 00:35:24,224 * WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY 811 00:35:24,257 --> 00:35:25,458 B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT 812 00:35:25,492 --> 00:35:26,693 666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK * 813 00:35:26,726 --> 00:35:28,194 * I'M EVERYWHERE 814 00:35:28,228 --> 00:35:29,195 I'M SO JULIA HEY 815 00:35:29,229 --> 00:35:32,732 AH-AH AHH * 816 00:35:32,766 --> 00:35:33,466 ** 817 00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,435 * BUMPIN' THAT 818 00:35:35,468 --> 00:35:36,202 BUMPIN' THAT 819 00:35:36,236 --> 00:35:38,204 BUMPIN' THAT * 820 00:35:38,238 --> 00:35:39,439 * THAT CITY 821 00:35:39,472 --> 00:35:40,707 SEWER SLUT'S THE VIBE 822 00:35:40,740 --> 00:35:42,208 INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED * 823 00:35:42,242 --> 00:35:43,209 * I SET THE TONE 824 00:35:43,243 --> 00:35:44,210 IT'S MY DESIGN 825 00:35:44,244 --> 00:35:46,946 AND HEY HEY * 826 00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:49,449 * LEGACY IS UNDEBATED 827 00:35:49,482 --> 00:35:52,218 YOU GON' JUMP 828 00:35:52,252 --> 00:35:52,952 IF A.G. MADE IT * 829 00:35:52,986 --> 00:35:53,687 * IF YOU LOVE IT 830 00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:54,187 IF YOU HATE IT 831 00:35:54,220 --> 00:35:54,954 I DON'T I DON'T CARE 832 00:35:54,988 --> 00:35:55,689 WHAT YOU THINK * 833 00:35:55,722 --> 00:35:56,956 * DROP DOWN YEAH 834 00:35:56,990 --> 00:35:58,491 PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON 835 00:35:58,525 --> 00:36:01,027 SO STYLISH 836 00:36:01,027 --> 00:36:03,463 BABY TEE IS ALL GONE * 837 00:36:03,496 --> 00:36:05,198 * DROP DOWN YEAH 838 00:36:05,231 --> 00:36:07,200 LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON 839 00:36:07,233 --> 00:36:09,703 WORK ANGLES * 840 00:36:09,736 --> 00:36:10,704 * YEAH 360 841 00:36:10,737 --> 00:36:12,172 WHEN YOU 'RE IN THE MIRROR 842 00:36:12,205 --> 00:36:13,039 DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? * 843 00:36:13,039 --> 00:36:14,040 * WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR 844 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:14,674 YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT * 845 00:36:14,708 --> 00:36:15,709 * I'M EVERYWHERE 846 00:36:15,742 --> 00:36:16,710 I'M SO JULIA 847 00:36:16,743 --> 00:36:18,445 AH-AH AHH * 848 00:36:18,478 --> 00:36:19,679 * WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY 849 00:36:19,713 --> 00:36:21,181 B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT 850 00:36:21,214 --> 00:36:22,682 666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK * 851 00:36:22,716 --> 00:36:25,919 * I'M EVERYWHERE 852 00:36:25,952 --> 00:36:27,220 YEAH 853 00:36:27,253 --> 00:36:28,455 AH-AH AHH * 854 00:36:28,488 --> 00:36:29,189 ** 855 00:36:29,222 --> 00:36:30,357 * BUMPIN' THAT 856 00:36:30,390 --> 00:36:32,058 THAT'S RIGHT 857 00:36:32,092 --> 00:36:33,793 BUMPIN' THAT 858 00:36:33,827 --> 00:36:36,563 AH-AH AHH * 859 00:36:36,596 --> 00:36:38,064 * BUMPIN' THAT 860 00:36:38,098 --> 00:36:40,333 BUMPIN' THAT 861 00:36:40,367 --> 00:36:41,101 BUMPIN' THAT 862 00:36:41,134 --> 00:36:43,336 AH-AH AHH * 863 00:36:43,370 --> 00:36:54,981 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 864 00:37:01,421 --> 00:37:03,523 It's Weekend Update. 865 00:37:03,556 --> 00:37:06,559 Joe and Michael Che. 866 00:37:12,832 --> 00:37:13,800 Good evening everyone. 867 00:37:13,833 --> 00:37:15,368 Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael che. 868 00:37:15,402 --> 00:37:18,371 I'm Colin Jost. 869 00:37:19,739 --> 00:37:22,075 This week, Donald Trump continued to announce 870 00:37:22,108 --> 00:37:25,111 everyone he's going to fire in six months. 871 00:37:25,512 --> 00:37:28,381 Trump nominated Kristi Noem to lead the department 872 00:37:28,415 --> 00:37:29,649 of Homeland Security. 873 00:37:29,683 --> 00:37:31,885 Lee Zeldin to head the EPA 874 00:37:31,918 --> 00:37:35,055 and Elise Stefanik as ambassador to the UN. 875 00:37:35,088 --> 00:37:38,091 And then someone yelled, now do a silly one! 876 00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:43,630 On Wednesday, Trump nominated Matt Gates 877 00:37:43,663 --> 00:37:46,800 for attorney general, and gates said the same thing he does 878 00:37:46,833 --> 00:37:48,401 when he sees a teenage girl. 879 00:37:48,435 --> 00:37:51,438 I'll do it. 880 00:37:57,077 --> 00:37:58,411 Gates, who was created 881 00:37:58,445 --> 00:38:01,448 when Frankenstein raped Dracula. 882 00:38:06,019 --> 00:38:09,155 Was chosen for attorney general after Trump remembered 883 00:38:09,189 --> 00:38:12,292 that his original pick was found dead in a jail cell. 884 00:38:17,030 --> 00:38:18,665 Elon Musk is reportedly 885 00:38:18,698 --> 00:38:21,768 spending nearly every day with Donald Trump at Mar-A-Lago. 886 00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:22,602 But don't worry, 887 00:38:22,635 --> 00:38:24,337 Elon will leave as soon as he finishes 888 00:38:24,371 --> 00:38:26,639 listing all the dinosaurs in alphabetical order. 889 00:38:28,274 --> 00:38:31,111 Elon Musk's new Department of Government Efficiency 890 00:38:31,144 --> 00:38:33,313 posted a job listing saying that they are looking for 891 00:38:33,346 --> 00:38:37,050 people willing to work 80 plus hours a week for no money. 892 00:38:37,350 --> 00:38:40,120 But you can't be surprised that the white African guy's 893 00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:43,156 first idea is slavery. 894 00:38:46,059 --> 00:38:49,062 And congratulations to Robert F Kennedy Jr, 895 00:38:49,095 --> 00:38:52,365 who became the first brain worm survivor nominated 896 00:38:53,099 --> 00:38:55,635 to a cabinet level position. 897 00:38:55,669 --> 00:38:59,372 Kennedy, whose skin is always cooked to a perfect medium rare, 898 00:39:00,707 --> 00:39:03,510 believe the Department of Health and Human Services. 899 00:39:03,543 --> 00:39:05,845 And I know he doesn't have a lot of experience, 900 00:39:05,879 --> 00:39:08,882 but I say we give him a shot. 901 00:39:13,319 --> 00:39:14,387 Donald Trump has. 902 00:39:14,421 --> 00:39:17,857 Selected Pete Hegseth to be his secretary of defense. 903 00:39:17,891 --> 00:39:20,927 Hexum is co-host of Fox and Friends Weekend, 904 00:39:21,027 --> 00:39:24,030 which is broadcast exclusively on CPAp machines. 905 00:39:28,401 --> 00:39:30,870 Friends President Biden and Donald Trump 906 00:39:30,904 --> 00:39:34,240 seen here burning the last of their classified documents, 907 00:39:35,775 --> 00:39:38,778 met at the white House for almost two hours. 908 00:39:38,812 --> 00:39:40,880 But keep in mind, 90 minutes of that. 909 00:39:40,914 --> 00:39:43,917 Was that just them struggling to stand up? 910 00:39:45,452 --> 00:39:46,453 Rudy Giuliani, 911 00:39:46,486 --> 00:39:50,457 who owes $150 million to Georgia election workers, 912 00:39:50,490 --> 00:39:53,226 has turned over his 1980 Mercedes Benz, 913 00:39:53,259 --> 00:39:55,495 his watch collection and diamond ring. 914 00:39:55,528 --> 00:39:58,531 So now he owes $150 million. 915 00:40:01,634 --> 00:40:02,435 It was. 916 00:40:03,436 --> 00:40:05,071 It was reported that some critics of Donald Trump 917 00:40:05,105 --> 00:40:05,839 are preparing 918 00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:09,209 go bags in case they have to suddenly flee the country. 919 00:40:09,609 --> 00:40:12,212 And I think that's stupid, but Carlino 920 00:40:12,245 --> 00:40:15,248 just steaming. 921 00:40:15,548 --> 00:40:16,116 Thinks that 922 00:40:16,149 --> 00:40:19,152 it is a molten necesario. 923 00:40:20,053 --> 00:40:22,455 The winner of a contest to create a new national 924 00:40:22,489 --> 00:40:25,025 anthem is a song called Let Them Fly, 925 00:40:25,058 --> 00:40:26,259 which is a rousing, 926 00:40:26,292 --> 00:40:29,295 inspirational song about an immigrant catapult. 927 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:36,636 Oh, new Jersey Governor Phil Murphy has declared 928 00:40:36,670 --> 00:40:37,704 a drought warning 929 00:40:37,737 --> 00:40:40,740 and has urged residents to reduce water consumption, 930 00:40:40,774 --> 00:40:41,808 which isn't a big deal 931 00:40:41,841 --> 00:40:44,878 since new Jersey residents only bathe in CVS Cologne. 932 00:40:47,981 --> 00:40:50,350 That's my understanding. 933 00:40:50,383 --> 00:40:52,886 Last night, Jake Paul and Mike Tyson 934 00:40:52,919 --> 00:40:58,525 teamed up to defeat everyone watching. 935 00:40:59,492 --> 00:41:01,061 This week, Joe Exotic, a.k.a. 936 00:41:01,094 --> 00:41:03,930 the Tiger King, penned a letter to Donald Trump 937 00:41:03,963 --> 00:41:07,267 asking once again to be pardoned and released from prison. 938 00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:10,303 Here to comment is Joe Exotic. 939 00:41:17,143 --> 00:41:19,512 Hi. I'm back. 940 00:41:19,546 --> 00:41:20,213 Oh, it's so. 941 00:41:20,246 --> 00:41:21,981 Nice to be out of my cage. 942 00:41:22,082 --> 00:41:23,917 It's nice to see you after so long. 943 00:41:23,950 --> 00:41:24,784 How's jail? 944 00:41:24,818 --> 00:41:27,420 Oh, I'm not supposed to be there. Okay. 945 00:41:27,454 --> 00:41:31,725 All I did was care for my cats, make love to my two straight 946 00:41:31,758 --> 00:41:36,129 husbands, and try to kill Carole Baskin multiple times. 947 00:41:36,162 --> 00:41:37,831 But I was frightened by Peter. 948 00:41:37,864 --> 00:41:41,334 You know, I've gotten to know very well these past few years. 949 00:41:41,368 --> 00:41:45,572 I guess you could say I'm a pedophile 950 00:41:45,605 --> 00:41:46,573 and you can print that. 951 00:41:46,606 --> 00:41:49,175 No, I don't think you want us to print that man. 952 00:41:49,209 --> 00:41:52,412 All I ever wanted to do was live in peace and harmony 953 00:41:52,445 --> 00:41:53,613 with the animals. 954 00:41:55,248 --> 00:41:56,983 Now, now. 955 00:41:57,017 --> 00:41:58,018 Eight and down. 956 00:41:58,118 --> 00:42:00,854 Eight and down. Tiger. Yeah. Shoot it! 957 00:42:00,887 --> 00:42:03,056 I said I don't have a gun. 958 00:42:03,056 --> 00:42:04,290 Yeah, don't make a gun to work. 959 00:42:04,324 --> 00:42:07,861 Is this America or your flat out there? 960 00:42:07,894 --> 00:42:11,164 Oh, Joe, did you seriously bring a tiger looking. 961 00:42:11,197 --> 00:42:12,165 He followed me. 962 00:42:12,198 --> 00:42:15,835 Everybody knows that Joe Exotic attracts big cats 963 00:42:15,869 --> 00:42:18,872 and poor guys who want to be gay for the first time. 964 00:42:20,306 --> 00:42:22,275 I'm curious, but I'm not poor. 965 00:42:22,308 --> 00:42:25,145 What was? Forget that 966 00:42:25,178 --> 00:42:26,646 I got hurt with that, I don't know. 967 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:27,981 Anyway, didn't get a ladder. 968 00:42:28,081 --> 00:42:30,316 This has come down in your letter this week. 969 00:42:30,350 --> 00:42:32,952 You also asked to be a member of Trump's cabinet. 970 00:42:32,986 --> 00:42:33,486 That's right. 971 00:42:34,621 --> 00:42:36,823 I have the perfect experience to be the director of Fish 972 00:42:36,856 --> 00:42:38,091 and Wildlife. 973 00:42:38,091 --> 00:42:41,161 If you've ever been in a lot of situation. 974 00:42:41,194 --> 00:42:43,263 Know that it's when you're stuck on a boat 975 00:42:43,296 --> 00:42:45,632 with the attacker and your Indian boyfriend. 976 00:42:46,666 --> 00:42:47,834 That's interesting. 977 00:42:47,867 --> 00:42:49,469 You're appealing to Trump for your part. 978 00:42:49,502 --> 00:42:52,339 And didn't you run for president from jail as a Democrat? 979 00:42:52,372 --> 00:42:55,809 I did, but like my mullet, my politics 980 00:42:55,842 --> 00:42:59,346 are country over party. 981 00:42:59,379 --> 00:43:00,280 And now. 982 00:43:00,313 --> 00:43:03,483 I hate this damn shoot it tie you shoot it. 983 00:43:03,516 --> 00:43:07,487 With your pants so high. Up. 984 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,924 So your life seems really dangerous, man. Why? 985 00:43:10,957 --> 00:43:13,626 Because I live with a bunch of tigers that are on Xanax. 986 00:43:13,660 --> 00:43:15,362 And because I take a bunch of Xanax. 987 00:43:15,395 --> 00:43:16,663 So the tigers are insane. 988 00:43:16,696 --> 00:43:19,966 And my reaction time is incredibly slow. 989 00:43:20,066 --> 00:43:21,401 Yeah, that's exactly why. 990 00:43:21,434 --> 00:43:22,469 Well, I wish you. 991 00:43:22,502 --> 00:43:25,138 I wish you the best of luck on your on your pardon. 992 00:43:25,171 --> 00:43:27,273 And is there anything else you'd like to say? 993 00:43:27,307 --> 00:43:28,875 There is. 994 00:43:28,908 --> 00:43:31,911 Look, I'm not a perfect person. 995 00:43:37,550 --> 00:43:39,719 Right now there's more. 996 00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:42,422 I made a lot of mistakes. 997 00:43:42,455 --> 00:43:44,657 But, hey, this is America. 998 00:43:44,691 --> 00:43:46,292 And what is America? 999 00:43:46,326 --> 00:43:50,897 But an illegal zoo run by a missed out, poorly kill. 1000 00:43:50,930 --> 00:43:52,599 And this is not related to anything. 1001 00:43:52,632 --> 00:43:56,102 But how hot are the gas that I poll? 1002 00:43:56,102 --> 00:43:56,803 I won't get up. 1003 00:43:56,836 --> 00:43:58,738 It's crazy. 1004 00:43:58,772 --> 00:44:01,241 And that's what America is all about. 1005 00:44:01,274 --> 00:44:04,277 Joe Exotic, everybody. 1006 00:44:06,846 --> 00:44:07,947 I don't know what to do. 1007 00:44:08,048 --> 00:44:11,051 Shoot. 1008 00:44:12,786 --> 00:44:14,054 A Spirit Airlines 1009 00:44:14,087 --> 00:44:17,524 flight was forced to divert after it was struck by gunfire 1010 00:44:17,557 --> 00:44:20,794 from gangs while trying to land in Haiti, 1011 00:44:20,827 --> 00:44:23,830 a rare setback for people who fly spirit 1012 00:44:23,863 --> 00:44:26,866 to Haiti. 1013 00:44:29,436 --> 00:44:30,837 Scientists are concerned 1014 00:44:30,870 --> 00:44:33,540 that over the course of 180 million years, 1015 00:44:33,573 --> 00:44:37,510 the Y chromosome has declined and that men could go extinct. 1016 00:44:37,544 --> 00:44:39,546 And 6 million years. 1017 00:44:39,579 --> 00:44:39,879 Yeah. 1018 00:44:39,913 --> 00:44:43,683 So, yeah. 1019 00:44:43,717 --> 00:44:44,851 So, ladies, hang in there. 1020 00:44:44,884 --> 00:44:46,086 You'll get your little president. 1021 00:44:53,193 --> 00:44:54,661 Where are you going? 1022 00:44:54,694 --> 00:44:56,896 Cheers. Cheers. 1023 00:44:56,930 --> 00:44:59,099 A growing number, a growing number of visitors 1024 00:44:59,132 --> 00:45:02,335 to Disney World are complaining that the water ride Tiana's 1025 00:45:02,369 --> 00:45:05,839 Bayou Adventure is leaving them too wet, 1026 00:45:05,872 --> 00:45:08,341 which is a complaint usually reserved 1027 00:45:08,375 --> 00:45:11,344 for guests on. 1028 00:45:12,679 --> 00:45:15,181 The Archbishop of Canterbury 1029 00:45:15,215 --> 00:45:18,051 announced that he is resigning after he failed to report 1030 00:45:18,084 --> 00:45:21,221 sexual abuse cases at a Christian summer camp, so 1031 00:45:21,254 --> 00:45:24,257 from now on they will list it in the official itinerary. 1032 00:45:32,799 --> 00:45:35,702 Mattel has apologized after mistakenly 1033 00:45:35,735 --> 00:45:36,936 printing the web address 1034 00:45:36,970 --> 00:45:41,174 of a porn site on the packaging of its new wicked dolls. 1035 00:45:41,207 --> 00:45:42,676 And it was actually a simple mistake. 1036 00:45:42,709 --> 00:45:46,513 You see, the box was supposed to read wicked movie.com, 1037 00:45:46,546 --> 00:45:49,582 but instead they printed Choke Me Jeff Goldblum. 1038 00:45:54,254 --> 00:45:56,790 Experts are saying that the best way to get a 1039 00:45:56,823 --> 00:46:01,027 good night's sleep is to cut out caffeine ten hours before bed. 1040 00:46:01,027 --> 00:46:04,564 Alcohol three hours before work, two hours before 1041 00:46:04,597 --> 00:46:06,900 and avoid devices one hour before. 1042 00:46:06,933 --> 00:46:09,436 Or you can just rub one out like an adult. 1043 00:46:13,039 --> 00:46:14,074 That's what experts are saying. 1044 00:46:14,107 --> 00:46:15,842 Coffee expert. 1045 00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:18,111 Got it. 1046 00:46:18,144 --> 00:46:20,847 Well, New York's beloved squirrel, peanut, 1047 00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:24,784 who became famous on Instagram for his cute little outfits, 1048 00:46:24,818 --> 00:46:28,388 then was captured by wildlife officials and euthanized. 1049 00:46:28,421 --> 00:46:30,190 But he continues to fuel debate 1050 00:46:30,223 --> 00:46:32,258 surrounding ownership of wild animals. 1051 00:46:32,292 --> 00:46:33,760 Here with her thoughts on the matter. 1052 00:46:33,793 --> 00:46:36,796 Is peanuts widow? 1053 00:46:39,065 --> 00:46:40,500 Hi, Tom. Hi. 1054 00:46:40,533 --> 00:46:42,302 Thank you so much for being here, Mrs. Nut. 1055 00:46:42,335 --> 00:46:45,572 Please call me Hazel. 1056 00:46:45,605 --> 00:46:46,072 Okay. 1057 00:46:47,073 --> 00:46:48,742 Hazel, how are you handling your husband's death? 1058 00:46:48,775 --> 00:46:49,275 Oh, it's 1059 00:46:50,410 --> 00:46:53,146 just so hard to be thrust in the media spotlight, Colin. 1060 00:46:53,179 --> 00:46:55,682 I'm used to doing regular squirrel stuff like, 1061 00:46:55,715 --> 00:46:56,082 you know, 1062 00:46:57,183 --> 00:46:59,719 chasing my own tail or running into the middle of a street, 1063 00:46:59,753 --> 00:47:02,756 seeing a car, and then. 1064 00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:07,360 Hey, Hazel. 1065 00:47:07,394 --> 00:47:09,362 Hazel, 1066 00:47:09,396 --> 00:47:12,132 come back. 1067 00:47:12,165 --> 00:47:13,233 Welcome back. 1068 00:47:13,266 --> 00:47:15,201 Tell me a little bit about peanut. 1069 00:47:15,235 --> 00:47:17,404 Actually, peanut was his human name. 1070 00:47:17,437 --> 00:47:19,339 His legal squirrel name was. 1071 00:47:27,580 --> 00:47:30,183 A little cowboy hat on Instagram. 1072 00:47:30,216 --> 00:47:32,619 He stuffed his cheeks on OnlyFans. 1073 00:47:32,652 --> 00:47:33,386 Both sets. 1074 00:47:33,420 --> 00:47:36,656 Okay. 1075 00:47:36,690 --> 00:47:38,058 I mean, it was the love of my life. 1076 00:47:38,091 --> 00:47:40,927 Colin. I keep thinking about the day we met. 1077 00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:44,597 I was minding my own business by a tree squawking. 1078 00:47:45,432 --> 00:47:46,866 Squawking. 1079 00:47:46,900 --> 00:47:49,269 It's when a squirrel shakes their entire body 1080 00:47:49,302 --> 00:47:54,307 to attract a mate like this. 1081 00:47:54,341 --> 00:47:55,342 Okay. 1082 00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:55,909 Yeah. 1083 00:47:55,942 --> 00:47:57,811 You look a little nuts. 1084 00:47:57,844 --> 00:48:00,180 Yeah, 1085 00:48:00,213 --> 00:48:02,549 there are there aren't any nuts here. 1086 00:48:02,582 --> 00:48:05,585 Said the doctor at your physical. 1087 00:48:09,889 --> 00:48:10,290 Yeah. 1088 00:48:10,323 --> 00:48:13,193 You're totally. 1089 00:48:13,226 --> 00:48:14,828 Come on. I'm in mourning. 1090 00:48:14,861 --> 00:48:15,528 Colin. 1091 00:48:15,562 --> 00:48:19,065 I need touch. 1092 00:48:19,099 --> 00:48:22,102 What exactly happened to your late husband, Tina? 1093 00:48:22,135 --> 00:48:22,635 Well, the. 1094 00:48:22,669 --> 00:48:24,104 Cops raided our house, 1095 00:48:24,137 --> 00:48:27,374 and then peanut bit one like a damn hero. 1096 00:48:27,407 --> 00:48:29,476 Have you ever bit a cop, Colin? 1097 00:48:29,509 --> 00:48:31,778 Why would I bite the hand that feeds me? 1098 00:48:31,811 --> 00:48:32,879 Bingo game. 1099 00:48:36,950 --> 00:48:39,819 What is the name? 1100 00:48:39,853 --> 00:48:41,054 Duck. Peanut. 1101 00:48:41,054 --> 00:48:44,057 And chopped his head off in a rabies test. 1102 00:48:44,057 --> 00:48:45,692 That's how they really test for rabies. 1103 00:48:45,725 --> 00:48:49,429 Colin, can you imagine that if they chopped off your penis 1104 00:48:49,462 --> 00:48:52,966 every time you tested positive for chlamydia? 1105 00:48:53,066 --> 00:48:55,735 I never tested positive for chlamydia. 1106 00:48:55,769 --> 00:48:58,738 Ignorance is bliss. 1107 00:48:58,772 --> 00:49:00,106 Slanging that stank. 1108 00:49:00,140 --> 00:49:03,309 Am I right, brother? 1109 00:49:03,343 --> 00:49:05,545 Kick that tail out of my face. 1110 00:49:05,578 --> 00:49:06,212 Fine. 1111 00:49:06,246 --> 00:49:09,215 Okay. Oh! 1112 00:49:13,153 --> 00:49:14,421 Found a couple acorns. 1113 00:49:14,454 --> 00:49:17,190 Okay. 1114 00:49:17,223 --> 00:49:19,626 Hazel, I just I hope you can find some closure 1115 00:49:19,659 --> 00:49:21,127 and finally move on with your life. 1116 00:49:21,161 --> 00:49:22,662 Oh. What life? 1117 00:49:22,696 --> 00:49:26,232 I'm a widow for Colin. 1118 00:49:26,266 --> 00:49:28,468 So that the only person who wants to hit 1119 00:49:28,501 --> 00:49:31,504 it is Jake Paul. 1120 00:49:33,306 --> 00:49:34,674 I can't take it anymore. 1121 00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:35,742 I'm going nuts. 1122 00:49:35,775 --> 00:49:39,245 Nuts? Where? 1123 00:49:39,279 --> 00:49:42,048 You're the one who just said nuts. 1124 00:49:42,048 --> 00:49:44,851 I'm so alone. Touch me. Colin. 1125 00:49:48,421 --> 00:49:49,489 It's in my mouth. 1126 00:49:49,522 --> 00:49:50,724 Oh, come on. 1127 00:49:50,757 --> 00:49:53,760 Your hinge profile says you love Bush. 1128 00:49:56,529 --> 00:49:58,164 President Bush, he nuts. 1129 00:49:58,198 --> 00:50:01,201 Widow. 1130 00:50:02,268 --> 00:50:03,303 For Weekend Update I|m Colin Jost 1131 00:50:03,336 --> 00:50:06,306 I'm Michael Che Goodnight! 1132 00:50:18,151 --> 00:50:20,387 Thanks for inviting me to this acting class, David. 1133 00:50:20,420 --> 00:50:22,022 I've never done one specifically 1134 00:50:22,055 --> 00:50:23,590 about auditioning for commercials. 1135 00:50:23,623 --> 00:50:24,457 Hey. No problem. 1136 00:50:24,491 --> 00:50:25,058 Yeah. Hear this. 1137 00:50:26,026 --> 00:50:27,160 Teacher Theodore Strop is actually really good. 1138 00:50:27,193 --> 00:50:30,663 Really good try. Very good. 1139 00:50:30,697 --> 00:50:34,634 Thanks to him, I almost became the face of new snacks. 1140 00:50:34,668 --> 00:50:35,502 Hello, class. 1141 00:50:35,535 --> 00:50:37,704 Sorry I'm late. I parked in a crazy way. 1142 00:50:37,737 --> 00:50:39,072 Welcome to commercial acting. 1143 00:50:39,105 --> 00:50:41,808 Well, the number one rule is you're not selling a product. 1144 00:50:41,841 --> 00:50:43,443 You're telling a story. 1145 00:50:43,476 --> 00:50:45,612 New students show me something. 1146 00:50:45,645 --> 00:50:46,880 Okay, so me and Lacey 1147 00:50:46,913 --> 00:50:50,717 have been working on a scene from a Sky rising commercial. 1148 00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:54,454 I don't want to go out tonight because of my plaque psoriasis. 1149 00:50:54,487 --> 00:50:55,655 For me, I don't have. 1150 00:50:55,689 --> 00:50:58,992 To hide because I use Sky. Rizzi. 1151 00:50:59,025 --> 00:51:01,861 Wrong. Oh, get away from me. 1152 00:51:01,895 --> 00:51:02,929 Oh, that's a star student. 1153 00:51:02,962 --> 00:51:05,065 Get up here and show them how it's done. 1154 00:51:05,098 --> 00:51:07,067 Do the line from your audition. 1155 00:51:07,067 --> 00:51:09,402 Mucinex is the best product around. 1156 00:51:09,436 --> 00:51:10,203 Strong emphasis. 1157 00:51:10,236 --> 00:51:11,571 Hit product products. 1158 00:51:11,604 --> 00:51:13,640 The word. Mucinex is the best products. 1159 00:51:13,673 --> 00:51:14,708 Around. Yes. 1160 00:51:14,741 --> 00:51:16,443 Now give me Mucinex, give me product, 1161 00:51:16,476 --> 00:51:18,511 give me four seconds and then give me a round. 1162 00:51:18,545 --> 00:51:20,313 Mucinex is the best product. 1163 00:51:20,347 --> 00:51:23,950 Five, six, seven, eight all round. Yes. 1164 00:51:23,983 --> 00:51:26,686 And that's why she almost got the job. 1165 00:51:26,720 --> 00:51:27,120 Okay. 1166 00:51:28,121 --> 00:51:29,622 How is it? Good if she didn't even get the job. 1167 00:51:29,656 --> 00:51:31,157 Oh, I'm sorry. 1168 00:51:31,191 --> 00:51:32,959 Can you run through your credits real quick? 1169 00:51:32,992 --> 00:51:33,693 That's right. 1170 00:51:33,727 --> 00:51:34,861 You don't have any. 1171 00:51:34,894 --> 00:51:36,730 Me, on the other hand, I have three. 1172 00:51:36,763 --> 00:51:40,600 One fear factor eight, a bunch of worms and still lost 1173 00:51:40,633 --> 00:51:42,002 two missed matter. 1174 00:51:42,102 --> 00:51:45,939 Accidentally hooked up with my own mom. But 1175 00:51:45,972 --> 00:51:46,773 I'm three. 1176 00:51:47,874 --> 00:51:49,476 I guess I only have two. Thank you. And you're welcome. 1177 00:51:49,509 --> 00:51:51,644 She's sorry. 1178 00:51:51,678 --> 00:51:53,747 All right, guys, now let's go deep. 1179 00:51:53,780 --> 00:51:56,583 Okay? The key to acting is accessing trauma. 1180 00:51:56,616 --> 00:51:58,585 What is the worst thing that happened to you? 1181 00:51:58,618 --> 00:52:01,454 You owe me. 1182 00:52:01,488 --> 00:52:04,591 Well, I've never shared this with anyone before, but one day 1183 00:52:04,624 --> 00:52:05,358 when I was little, 1184 00:52:06,326 --> 00:52:08,061 I went fishing with my dad, and a wave hit us, 1185 00:52:08,061 --> 00:52:10,363 and he fell off the boat, and I never saw him again. 1186 00:52:14,100 --> 00:52:15,101 Oh, sorry. 1187 00:52:15,135 --> 00:52:16,603 I just got a crazy text. 1188 00:52:16,636 --> 00:52:19,706 But the good news is, I am not the father. 1189 00:52:19,739 --> 00:52:21,241 Oh, let's go back up. I'm going crazy. 1190 00:52:21,274 --> 00:52:23,076 Read me some copy from target. 1191 00:52:23,076 --> 00:52:26,446 When I need groceries, clothes or towels, I go to target. 1192 00:52:26,479 --> 00:52:28,815 Good. Not great. Emphasis on clothes, towels. 1193 00:52:28,848 --> 00:52:32,852 And two, when I need groceries or towels, I go to target. 1194 00:52:32,886 --> 00:52:35,088 Perfect. Almost like a. Park. 1195 00:52:35,088 --> 00:52:37,557 Now, you two get up here and begin a scene. 1196 00:52:37,590 --> 00:52:40,593 Please go go go go go go and go. 1197 00:52:40,627 --> 00:52:43,496 Would you grab me a cup of the finest brew in town? 1198 00:52:43,530 --> 00:52:45,532 One blue bottle coffee coming right up. 1199 00:52:45,565 --> 00:52:46,299 Wrong, wrong. 1200 00:52:46,332 --> 00:52:48,501 Bad. Cut. Cut away. Away, away. 1201 00:52:48,535 --> 00:52:49,703 Thank you. 1202 00:52:49,736 --> 00:52:52,472 Never turn away from the camera. 1203 00:52:52,505 --> 00:52:54,841 When you're in a scene, you want the audience to see you. 1204 00:52:54,874 --> 00:52:57,143 But keep it natural, okay? Watch. 1205 00:52:57,177 --> 00:52:59,279 Oh, you want a coffee? I'll go get it. 1206 00:52:59,312 --> 00:53:00,814 And then you walk like this. 1207 00:53:03,083 --> 00:53:04,050 Grab the coffee. 1208 00:53:04,084 --> 00:53:04,851 Come back now. 1209 00:53:04,884 --> 00:53:07,554 We're having a coffee together. 1210 00:53:07,587 --> 00:53:09,389 That didn't look natural at all. 1211 00:53:09,422 --> 00:53:11,358 David, let me show you something. 1212 00:53:11,391 --> 00:53:13,526 This is what it's like to be in a scene with you. Okay? 1213 00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,095 Say something. 1214 00:53:15,128 --> 00:53:16,162 Okay. Hey. 1215 00:53:16,196 --> 00:53:18,932 How have. 1216 00:53:18,965 --> 00:53:21,601 Hi. How can I stop talking to me? 1217 00:53:21,634 --> 00:53:23,336 Talk to Alissa. 1218 00:53:23,370 --> 00:53:26,072 Just. Oh my God. Okay. 1219 00:53:26,072 --> 00:53:26,373 I'm sorry. 1220 00:53:27,307 --> 00:53:27,941 What am I supposed to be learning from this? 1221 00:53:27,974 --> 00:53:30,744 Exactly. Alissa, back up here. 1222 00:53:30,777 --> 00:53:33,446 Okay, now, listen, I are going to do a little exercise. 1223 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,914 Someone yell at of company 1224 00:53:34,948 --> 00:53:38,084 and we will give a perfect ad read of their slogan. 1225 00:53:39,352 --> 00:53:40,820 I don't know, Capital One. 1226 00:53:40,854 --> 00:53:41,788 Okay. 1227 00:53:41,821 --> 00:53:44,357 Here, use my credit card. 1228 00:53:44,391 --> 00:53:47,394 What's in your wallet? 1229 00:53:50,397 --> 00:53:50,897 Chills. 1230 00:53:50,930 --> 00:53:53,433 I gave myself chills. 1231 00:53:53,466 --> 00:53:54,701 Give us another one, please. 1232 00:53:54,734 --> 00:53:57,270 O'Reilly's auto parts. Perfect. 1233 00:53:57,303 --> 00:54:00,173 Alissa. Go ahead. 000, 1234 00:54:00,206 --> 00:54:04,511 Riley auto parts. 1235 00:54:04,544 --> 00:54:05,845 Okay, now let's do Burger King. 1236 00:54:05,879 --> 00:54:07,380 Okay. You start. 1237 00:54:07,414 --> 00:54:09,249 I'm hungry. What should I eat? 1238 00:54:09,282 --> 00:54:11,851 I want sushi, I. Want a burger. Fine. 1239 00:54:11,885 --> 00:54:17,190 Have it your way. 1240 00:54:17,223 --> 00:54:20,593 Now, Allison, I am going to improvise an entire commercial. 1241 00:54:20,627 --> 00:54:23,463 Okay, now give us a product. Any product? 1242 00:54:23,496 --> 00:54:24,431 Paper towels. 1243 00:54:24,464 --> 00:54:25,432 Perfect. Go ahead. 1244 00:54:25,465 --> 00:54:28,268 My house is a mess. Use these. 1245 00:54:28,301 --> 00:54:30,136 They're the best. No. They got no. 1246 00:54:30,170 --> 00:54:31,071 Are you hungry? 1247 00:54:31,071 --> 00:54:31,838 I'm starving. 1248 00:54:31,871 --> 00:54:34,974 Okay, let's go to sleep 1249 00:54:35,075 --> 00:54:35,809 and sing. 1250 00:54:35,842 --> 00:54:37,210 Oh my God, yes, I love you. 1251 00:54:37,243 --> 00:54:39,746 Oh, my God, I love you, my husband. 1252 00:54:39,779 --> 00:54:40,647 Oh, wait. 1253 00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:42,315 They're married. 1254 00:54:42,349 --> 00:54:44,684 Yes we are, and that's our class for today. 1255 00:54:44,718 --> 00:54:47,721 We will be leaving. 1256 00:55:00,066 --> 00:55:01,234 >>> ONCE AGAIN, CHARLI XCX. 1257 00:55:01,267 --> 00:55:06,272 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1258 00:55:06,306 --> 00:55:09,309 ** 1259 00:55:09,342 --> 00:55:10,810 * I DON'T WANNA 1260 00:55:10,844 --> 00:55:12,312 SHARE THE SPACE 1261 00:55:12,345 --> 00:55:13,813 I DON'T WANNA 1262 00:55:13,847 --> 00:55:17,250 FORCE A SMILE * 1263 00:55:17,283 --> 00:55:18,752 TAPS MY INSECURITIES 1264 00:55:18,785 --> 00:55:21,054 DON'T KNOW IF IT'S REAL 1265 00:55:21,054 --> 00:55:22,522 OR IF I'M SPIRALING * 1266 00:55:22,555 --> 00:55:24,057 * ONE VOICE 1267 00:55:24,057 --> 00:55:25,525 TELLS ME THAT THEY LAUGH * 1268 00:55:25,558 --> 00:55:27,494 * GEORGE SAYS 1269 00:55:27,527 --> 00:55:30,063 I'M JUST PARANOID 1270 00:55:30,063 --> 00:55:31,531 SAYS HE JUST DON'T SEE IT 1271 00:55:31,564 --> 00:55:33,533 HE'S SO NAIVE * 1272 00:55:33,566 --> 00:55:35,769 * I'M EMBARRASSED TO HAVE IT 1273 00:55:35,802 --> 00:55:37,771 BUT NEED THE SYMPATHY * 1274 00:55:37,804 --> 00:55:39,072 * 'CAUSE I 1275 00:55:39,072 --> 00:55:40,273 COULDN'T EVEN BE HER 1276 00:55:40,306 --> 00:55:42,275 IF I TRIED * 1277 00:55:42,308 --> 00:55:43,543 * I'M OPPOSITE 1278 00:55:43,576 --> 00:55:45,779 I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE 1279 00:55:45,812 --> 00:55:47,080 I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS 1280 00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,783 I CAN'T CONTROL * 1281 00:55:49,816 --> 00:55:51,551 * OH NO DON'T KNOW 1282 00:55:51,584 --> 00:55:52,786 WHY 1283 00:55:52,819 --> 00:55:54,521 ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1284 00:55:54,554 --> 00:55:56,556 IS JUST A KNIFE * 1285 00:55:56,589 --> 00:55:58,291 * WHY I CAN'T EVEN 1286 00:55:58,324 --> 00:56:00,293 GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE 1287 00:56:00,326 --> 00:56:01,795 I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS 1288 00:56:01,828 --> 00:56:04,064 I CAN'T CONTROL * 1289 00:56:04,097 --> 00:56:07,567 * OH NO DON'T KNOW 1290 00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:10,804 WHY I WANNA BUY A GUN 1291 00:56:10,837 --> 00:56:13,807 WHY I WANNA SHOOT MYSELF * 1292 00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,475 * VOLATILE 1293 00:56:15,508 --> 00:56:17,744 AT WAR WITH MY DIALOGUE 1294 00:56:17,777 --> 00:56:19,245 I'D SAY THAT THERE WAS A GOD 1295 00:56:19,279 --> 00:56:20,747 IF THEY COULD STOP THIS * 1296 00:56:20,780 --> 00:56:22,749 * WILD VOICE 1297 00:56:22,782 --> 00:56:25,518 TEARING ME APART 1298 00:56:25,552 --> 00:56:28,054 I'M SO APPREHENSIVE NOW * 1299 00:56:28,054 --> 00:56:29,255 * DON'T WANNA SEE HER 1300 00:56:29,289 --> 00:56:30,256 BACKSTAGE 1301 00:56:30,290 --> 00:56:31,257 AT MY BOYFRIEND'S SHOW * 1302 00:56:31,291 --> 00:56:32,258 * FINGERS CROSSED 1303 00:56:32,292 --> 00:56:33,526 BEHIND MY BACK 1304 00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,262 I HOPE THEY BREAK UP QUICK * 1305 00:56:36,296 --> 00:56:37,530 * 'CAUSE I 1306 00:56:37,564 --> 00:56:39,065 COULDN'T EVEN BE HER 1307 00:56:39,065 --> 00:56:40,500 IF I TRIED * 1308 00:56:40,533 --> 00:56:42,268 * I'M OPPOSITE 1309 00:56:42,302 --> 00:56:43,770 I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE 1310 00:56:43,803 --> 00:56:45,071 I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS 1311 00:56:45,071 --> 00:56:47,273 I CAN'T CONTROL * 1312 00:56:47,307 --> 00:56:49,542 * OH NO DON'T KNOW 1313 00:56:49,576 --> 00:56:51,077 WHY 1314 00:56:51,077 --> 00:56:52,779 ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1315 00:56:52,812 --> 00:56:55,281 IS JUST A KNIFE * 1316 00:56:55,315 --> 00:56:56,549 * WHY I CAN'T EVEN 1317 00:56:56,583 --> 00:56:58,284 GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE 1318 00:56:58,318 --> 00:56:59,786 I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS 1319 00:56:59,819 --> 00:57:02,288 I CAN'T CONTROL * 1320 00:57:02,322 --> 00:57:03,556 * OH NO 1321 00:57:03,590 --> 00:57:04,557 ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1322 00:57:04,591 --> 00:57:06,026 IS JUST A KNIFE * 1323 00:57:06,059 --> 00:57:07,560 * ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1324 00:57:07,594 --> 00:57:09,062 IS JUST A KNIFE 1325 00:57:09,095 --> 00:57:11,798 ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1326 00:57:11,831 --> 00:57:13,299 IS JUST A KNIFE * 1327 00:57:13,333 --> 00:57:14,801 * YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1328 00:57:14,834 --> 00:57:16,736 IS JUST A KNIFE 1329 00:57:16,770 --> 00:57:19,506 OH NO OH * 1330 00:57:19,539 --> 00:57:21,508 * WHY 1331 00:57:21,541 --> 00:57:23,476 IS ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1332 00:57:23,510 --> 00:57:24,744 A -- KNIFE? * 1333 00:57:24,778 --> 00:57:26,046 * YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY 1334 00:57:26,046 --> 00:57:27,247 IS JUST A KNIFE 1335 00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:29,249 COULDN'T EVEN BE HER 1336 00:57:29,282 --> 00:57:30,750 IF I TRIED * 1337 00:57:30,784 --> 00:57:33,753 * OH NO NO * 1338 00:57:33,787 --> 00:57:39,459 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1339 00:57:52,639 --> 00:57:53,673 Thanksgiving. 1340 00:57:53,707 --> 00:57:55,975 A holiday as old as America itself. 1341 00:57:56,076 --> 00:57:57,811 The Pilgrims and Native Americans prove 1342 00:57:57,844 --> 00:57:59,713 they're more alike than different. 1343 00:57:59,746 --> 00:58:03,316 As they laughed, drank, and ate my mom. 1344 00:58:04,851 --> 00:58:05,752 It's the end, girl. 1345 00:58:05,785 --> 00:58:07,320 Thanksgiving special coming at you 1346 00:58:07,354 --> 00:58:09,456 live from the Milk Studios ateliers. 1347 00:58:09,489 --> 00:58:11,157 I'm your host, Marc Jacobs, and. 1348 00:58:11,191 --> 00:58:14,260 I'm sure y'all part two is giving. 1349 00:58:14,294 --> 00:58:16,496 Thank you. 1350 00:58:16,529 --> 00:58:19,132 Tonight the table is phat with it. 1351 00:58:19,165 --> 00:58:20,600 Girls, past and present. 1352 00:58:20,633 --> 00:58:23,670 Like supermodel Naomi Campbell. 1353 00:58:23,703 --> 00:58:26,573 This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for my family. 1354 00:58:26,606 --> 00:58:29,609 I brought the substance. 1355 00:58:31,311 --> 00:58:33,313 Next, it's Posh Spice herself. 1356 00:58:33,346 --> 00:58:35,382 Victoria back. 1357 00:58:35,415 --> 00:58:37,650 Pilgrims and indigenous. 1358 00:58:37,684 --> 00:58:41,488 Honestly, one of the most iconic clubs since me and David. 1359 00:58:41,521 --> 00:58:44,457 I bought creamed spinach. 1360 00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:51,464 Sweetie, that's la mer face cream. 1361 00:58:51,498 --> 00:58:53,500 You all right? 1362 00:58:53,533 --> 00:58:55,468 Actually, put the body, audience and bodies. 1363 00:58:55,502 --> 00:58:56,403 Bodies, bodies. 1364 00:58:56,436 --> 00:58:58,238 It's welcome it. Girl after us. 1365 00:58:58,271 --> 00:59:01,908 Rachel. Senate. 1366 00:59:02,008 --> 00:59:03,877 Pumpkin pie is pie vibes. 1367 00:59:03,910 --> 00:59:06,913 I brought my two big gourds. 1368 00:59:08,882 --> 00:59:10,684 And these girls were at babies 1369 00:59:10,717 --> 00:59:12,452 acting circles around Uncle Jesse. 1370 00:59:12,485 --> 00:59:14,721 It's the Olsen twins. 1371 00:59:14,754 --> 00:59:18,291 This big ass coat is from the Rose Black Friday sale, 1372 00:59:18,324 --> 00:59:22,295 where everything is 20% on. 1373 00:59:22,328 --> 00:59:26,332 I brought a cigaret casserole. 1374 00:59:26,366 --> 00:59:28,268 And I brought loaded mac and cheese. 1375 00:59:28,301 --> 00:59:32,772 I don't think I got what this is going to be. 1376 00:59:32,806 --> 00:59:34,574 And we know what you're thinking. 1377 00:59:34,607 --> 00:59:37,043 Who the f is making the turkey? 1378 00:59:37,043 --> 00:59:38,545 Obviously it's Cher. 1379 00:59:38,578 --> 00:59:40,413 How's it coming along? 1380 00:59:40,447 --> 00:59:44,150 What am I supposed to do 1381 00:59:44,184 --> 00:59:44,684 for Cher? 1382 00:59:44,718 --> 00:59:46,119 Are you scared, Cher? 1383 00:59:46,152 --> 00:59:49,556 I don't know why I did the things I did. 1384 00:59:49,589 --> 00:59:52,592 I don't know why I put sprite in the gravy. 1385 00:59:54,127 --> 00:59:55,195 And now the 1386 00:59:55,228 --> 00:59:59,399 girls would like to perform the story of Thanksgiving. 1387 00:59:59,432 --> 01:00:00,433 When the pilgrims 1388 01:00:00,467 --> 01:00:03,503 arrived in the New World, they were starved alone. 1389 01:00:03,536 --> 01:00:04,537 They knew nothing. 1390 01:00:04,571 --> 01:00:07,474 Okay, we had zero bond on Tuesday. 1391 01:00:07,507 --> 01:00:11,878 Oh, the Native Americans were feasting on Turkey Celsius. 1392 01:00:11,911 --> 01:00:13,013 And how much? He crowed. 1393 01:00:13,046 --> 01:00:16,249 I like that the party got so lit 1394 01:00:16,282 --> 01:00:19,686 that they let everyone in, even the YouTubers and. 1395 01:00:19,719 --> 01:00:24,924 Zach Braff t 1396 01:00:24,958 --> 01:00:27,527 wow, what a classic Thanksgiving tale. 1397 01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:29,796 Share. How is the turkey coming along? 1398 01:00:29,829 --> 01:00:34,067 If I could turn off the stove and you go, what about. No. 1399 01:00:34,100 --> 01:00:36,369 So she has turkey. It was on Ozempic. 1400 01:00:36,403 --> 01:00:39,039 I really don't think it's big. 1401 01:00:39,072 --> 01:00:41,374 No, no. 1402 01:00:41,408 --> 01:00:43,743 Okay, don't sweat it. Share. 1403 01:00:43,777 --> 01:00:47,013 But wait, where are the Olsen twins? 1404 01:00:47,047 --> 01:00:49,349 We fell in. 1405 01:00:49,382 --> 01:00:51,051 I can't find Ashley. 1406 01:00:51,084 --> 01:00:51,951 Oh, no. 1407 01:00:53,019 --> 01:00:55,321 The Olsen twins got lost in their big ass code again, 1408 01:00:55,355 --> 01:00:57,924 and they don't get cell service in there. No. 1409 01:00:57,957 --> 01:00:58,892 Don't despair. 1410 01:01:01,494 --> 01:01:04,364 Your host is here at Thanksgiving. 1411 01:01:04,397 --> 01:01:10,303 The basics do a turkey trot, but the girls do a turkey strut. 1412 01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:13,473 Turkey, turkey gobble of it, and turkey. 1413 01:01:13,506 --> 01:01:15,075 Thanks. 1414 01:01:15,075 --> 01:01:16,676 She's so 1415 01:01:16,710 --> 01:01:18,111 cool. 1416 01:01:18,144 --> 01:01:20,347 Come. Can't on 1417 01:01:20,380 --> 01:01:21,081 summer come. 1418 01:01:21,114 --> 01:01:22,716 The Packers. 1419 01:01:22,749 --> 01:01:26,820 But we are and human giblets and glad 1420 01:01:26,853 --> 01:01:30,323 and that no crumbs shut the 1421 01:01:30,357 --> 01:01:33,326 turkey. 1422 01:01:35,562 --> 01:01:36,229 That's. 1423 01:01:36,262 --> 01:01:38,098 Thank you Lord. 1424 01:01:38,131 --> 01:01:39,299 He turn that turkey out. 1425 01:01:39,332 --> 01:01:41,601 But the food's all over the floor now. 1426 01:01:41,634 --> 01:01:45,505 Oh and we'll just have to do as the program's dead 1427 01:01:45,538 --> 01:01:46,806 a girl dinner. 1428 01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:50,643 And strut it out. 1429 01:02:11,431 --> 01:02:11,965 God, that. 1430 01:02:12,065 --> 01:02:13,266 Was an incredible show. 1431 01:02:13,299 --> 01:02:14,868 The sets, the songs. 1432 01:02:14,901 --> 01:02:17,637 The donkey, I mean, meat, I go on. Yeah. 1433 01:02:17,671 --> 01:02:20,306 I can't believe I've never seen Shrek the Musical. 1434 01:02:20,340 --> 01:02:23,476 You just did. 1435 01:02:23,510 --> 01:02:25,912 I meant before tonight. 1436 01:02:25,945 --> 01:02:27,881 We. Guys, where's my Lonnie? 1437 01:02:27,914 --> 01:02:30,116 She's been in the bathroom for, like, 15 minutes. 1438 01:02:30,150 --> 01:02:31,084 Yeah, any longer. 1439 01:02:31,084 --> 01:02:33,253 And we'll miss our reservation at Domino's. 1440 01:02:33,286 --> 01:02:34,988 They take reservations. 1441 01:02:35,088 --> 01:02:36,456 If you want a table, they do? 1442 01:02:36,489 --> 01:02:39,426 Oh, just like we're always waiting for Lonnie. 1443 01:02:39,459 --> 01:02:41,294 Okay, babe. So we ready. To. 1444 01:02:43,496 --> 01:02:46,132 Ride? 1445 01:02:46,166 --> 01:02:46,433 Late. 1446 01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,235 Lonnie, did you just make it? Oh. 1447 01:02:49,269 --> 01:02:51,338 What's. No, no. 1448 01:02:51,371 --> 01:02:53,773 Why is your mouth on Green Girl? 1449 01:02:53,807 --> 01:02:56,876 Oh. I was drinking a slushy. 1450 01:02:56,910 --> 01:02:59,145 Yeah, and I mixed all the flavors 1451 01:02:59,179 --> 01:03:00,947 together to make a suicide. Sorry. 1452 01:03:01,047 --> 01:03:02,916 And an alive. 1453 01:03:02,949 --> 01:03:04,317 But, yeah, the color, the screen. 1454 01:03:04,351 --> 01:03:07,354 And that's why it's all over my mouth and hands. 1455 01:03:07,387 --> 01:03:10,724 You clearly made out with Shrek. 1456 01:03:10,757 --> 01:03:11,658 Get it? 1457 01:03:11,691 --> 01:03:14,494 Get real. You guys always do this. 1458 01:03:14,527 --> 01:03:17,197 You always accuse me of hooking up with celebrities. 1459 01:03:17,230 --> 01:03:18,631 You do late, Lonnie. 1460 01:03:18,665 --> 01:03:20,567 Like the time we went to Despicable Me on. 1461 01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:21,735 Ice, and you went to the 1462 01:03:21,768 --> 01:03:26,106 bathroom for 38 minutes and came out with a yellow mouth. 1463 01:03:26,139 --> 01:03:26,806 You know what? 1464 01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:28,541 This is totally inappropriate. 1465 01:03:28,575 --> 01:03:30,910 I'm going to go find the director and tell him. 1466 01:03:30,944 --> 01:03:32,212 Yes, him. 1467 01:03:32,245 --> 01:03:34,848 Directors can be men, too. 1468 01:03:34,881 --> 01:03:38,385 I picture him that his bleeding ogre with smash mouth thing. 1469 01:03:38,418 --> 01:03:39,753 My friends. Excuse me. 1470 01:03:43,590 --> 01:03:47,627 Oh. What toppings you guys going to get on your pizza? 1471 01:03:47,660 --> 01:03:48,261 Hello. 1472 01:03:48,294 --> 01:03:51,097 Chiming in finally oh sorry. 1473 01:03:51,131 --> 01:03:53,266 Three chatty ladies on harder on a gay guy. 1474 01:03:53,299 --> 01:03:56,169 Yeah. Kind of hard to get a word in. 1475 01:03:56,202 --> 01:03:59,205 I'm on Adderall to. 1476 01:04:05,311 --> 01:04:08,048 Kind of find anyone 1477 01:04:08,048 --> 01:04:10,050 is basically empty. 1478 01:04:10,050 --> 01:04:12,652 Janice, are you the 4 or 5 six line? 1479 01:04:12,686 --> 01:04:13,620 Because you look like you don't 1480 01:04:13,653 --> 01:04:16,656 had a green train run on your ass. 1481 01:04:19,759 --> 01:04:20,193 What? 1482 01:04:21,061 --> 01:04:21,961 I did not. Hook up with Shrek, okay? 1483 01:04:22,062 --> 01:04:24,731 A green Sharpie, which is very rare, by the way, 1484 01:04:24,764 --> 01:04:25,899 exploded in my bag. 1485 01:04:25,932 --> 01:04:29,536 So where else would I wipe it but all my erogenous zones. 1486 01:04:29,569 --> 01:04:31,604 Perfectly logical explanations. 1487 01:04:31,638 --> 01:04:33,773 You guys are acting so crazy right now. 1488 01:04:33,807 --> 01:04:34,574 No, genius. 1489 01:04:34,607 --> 01:04:35,909 This is just like the time we went to 1490 01:04:35,942 --> 01:04:37,510 the avatar haunted house. 1491 01:04:37,544 --> 01:04:38,978 We had a reservation at 11 p.m. 1492 01:04:39,079 --> 01:04:41,414 at Max Brenner, the chocolate bald man 1493 01:04:41,448 --> 01:04:43,083 who waited for three hours. 1494 01:04:43,083 --> 01:04:44,651 Then you came out covered in blue paint, 1495 01:04:44,684 --> 01:04:46,720 holding a rock made of unobtainium, 1496 01:04:46,753 --> 01:04:49,723 which just turned out to be crack, by the way. 1497 01:04:49,756 --> 01:04:52,392 God, I can't even look at y'all. 1498 01:04:52,425 --> 01:04:55,862 Oh. Get it? 1499 01:04:55,895 --> 01:04:59,866 You have hands and face friends on your ass. 1500 01:04:59,899 --> 01:05:01,634 I'm fine. 1501 01:05:01,668 --> 01:05:04,070 I'll admit it's during before the show. 1502 01:05:04,104 --> 01:05:08,208 I received an OTP, but. 1503 01:05:08,241 --> 01:05:09,709 An over the pants 1504 01:05:09,743 --> 01:05:13,580 below the waist motorboat. 1505 01:05:13,613 --> 01:05:14,347 Shrek. 1506 01:05:15,415 --> 01:05:16,516 How do you know it wasn't Fiona post ogre revealed. 1507 01:05:16,549 --> 01:05:20,186 God, you guys are so biphobic 1508 01:05:20,220 --> 01:05:21,287 are you? Bye. 1509 01:05:21,321 --> 01:05:24,958 You know. 1510 01:05:25,058 --> 01:05:28,328 Well, well, well, 1511 01:05:28,361 --> 01:05:32,866 if it isn't the three onions I just peeled back. 1512 01:05:32,899 --> 01:05:33,133 What? 1513 01:05:34,134 --> 01:05:35,468 Shrek, you're going to have to choose one of us. 1514 01:05:35,502 --> 01:05:36,536 So who's it going to be? 1515 01:05:36,569 --> 01:05:39,906 Me, gadget, a 31 year old teaching artist 1516 01:05:39,939 --> 01:05:43,710 with a short fuze and a big heart. 1517 01:05:43,743 --> 01:05:48,081 I mean, Ginny's a 31 year old speech pathologist doing her. 1518 01:05:48,081 --> 01:05:49,249 Best to make it in this 1519 01:05:49,282 --> 01:05:52,385 fifth character of sex and the city we call the. 1520 01:05:52,419 --> 01:05:54,587 Movies your. 1521 01:05:54,621 --> 01:05:58,124 Own. Me, Leilani, a barely 31 year old chuckle ever 1522 01:05:58,158 --> 01:05:59,592 who takes too long in the bathroom 1523 01:05:59,626 --> 01:06:02,328 because I'm not doing a number one or number two. 1524 01:06:02,362 --> 01:06:03,530 I'm doing number three. 1525 01:06:03,563 --> 01:06:06,099 Hooking up. 1526 01:06:06,132 --> 01:06:08,768 Or me, Suzanne, a 19 year old. 1527 01:06:08,802 --> 01:06:11,604 Don't say anything. 1528 01:06:11,638 --> 01:06:13,506 Who's a Lord Farquaad in the streets 1529 01:06:13,540 --> 01:06:17,210 and a puss in the boots? 1530 01:06:17,243 --> 01:06:18,578 Me, Pablo. 1531 01:06:18,611 --> 01:06:19,679 A guy who just wants 1532 01:06:19,713 --> 01:06:22,749 to get to Domino's in time for his reservation. 1533 01:06:22,782 --> 01:06:25,785 Well, Shrek, who's it going to be? 1534 01:06:25,819 --> 01:06:29,656 I want Pablo. 1535 01:06:29,689 --> 01:06:32,692 I can only. 1536 01:06:56,583 --> 01:07:01,021 >>> MY THANKS TO ALEC BALDWIN, 1537 01:07:01,021 --> 01:07:04,924 DANA CARVEY, THANK YOU! 1538 01:07:05,025 --> 01:07:08,895 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1539 01:07:08,928 --> 01:07:10,897 **