1 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,882 Thank you. 2 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,483 Thank you, thank you. 3 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,051 Members of the press. Thank you. 4 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,054 Can we could we hold the work on the ballroom, please? 5 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,559 I'm delighted to be here today. 6 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:28,829 As some of you know, I'm about to go on maternity leave. 7 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,831 That's when you tell President Trump 8 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,668 about your maternity, and he says leave. 9 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,870 But before I go, I'd like to introduce 10 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,105 a man who just finished 11 00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:42,342 absolutely owning the Dems in his congressional testimony. 12 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,945 The man, the myth, the liability. 13 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,948 Pete Hegseth. 14 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,156 cut the track. 15 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:59,526 Cut it. 16 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,996 And yeah, this is a Scotch. 17 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:07,467 I said I'd have just one. 18 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,536 He'd go for the baby. 19 00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:12,873 Okay. 20 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,608 Now listen up, dingbat. 21 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:15,442 Okay. 22 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,445 As you might have seen on our sick ass TikTok, 23 00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,248 we've been bombing stuff, doing sick air raids. 24 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:24,685 This war has been a movie. 25 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:28,155 Specifically the never ending story 26 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:28,655 we've hit. 27 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:32,125 I ran with everything we've got missiles, bombs, 28 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:36,263 drones and twins. 29 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,065 But now we're in a cease fire. 30 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,300 Wink. 31 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,469 Which is why I have time to come talk to you. 32 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,638 But munchies. 33 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,407 So. All right, dumb questions go. 34 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:47,841 Yeah. 35 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,644 When you recited that Bible verse from Pulp Fiction 36 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:54,481 about vengeance and furious anger, 37 00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:55,816 did you know it was fake? 38 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,685 And it wasn't really in the Bible? 39 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,655 Yeah. 40 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,589 But also, I do 41 00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:05,692 believe that someday it will be 42 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:06,727 in Bible two. 43 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:09,730 Electric Bible two. 44 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,399 Now, I'm not going to apologize because I wear my religion 45 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:14,501 on my sleeve. Literally. 46 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,971 I have a tattoo on my forearm of Jesus choking out 47 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:21,375 Jimmy Kimmel. 48 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,709 Next. 49 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:23,143 Yeah. 50 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:23,877 Is it true that 51 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:27,114 you've already spent $25 billion in taxpayer dollars? 52 00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:30,183 Is it true you suck. 53 00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,386 I'm just trying to get an estimate of what you think 54 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:35,389 the total cost of this war will be, I don't know. 55 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,557 I guess I could put it in terms like a theater kid. 56 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:39,593 Like you would understand. 57 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:45,699 525,600 billion. 58 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,433 Ruff, ruff. 59 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,869 You just got dog walked 60 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,404 next. 61 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,005 What about reports that U.S. 62 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,374 military facilities have been badly damaged? 63 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,743 Exactly how many bases have been hit? 64 00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,211 More bases than you've ever hit. 65 00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:00,881 Virgin. 66 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,383 And you want to see a base that's been badly damaged. 67 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:06,386 Check out your mom after she's done riding Pete's Dragon. 68 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,362 In summary, war is awesome. 69 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:15,996 Okay. 70 00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,532 Everyone's always asking me when this war going to be over. 71 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,568 That's like asking when is sex going to be over? 72 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,737 Answer when the man is done. 73 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,542 Yeah, you. 74 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:32,245 But President Trump himself just declared that the war is over. 75 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:32,846 Okay. Yeah. 76 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,148 When he says it, it's cool. 77 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:38,518 And to quote another thing, he says you're fired. 78 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,787 I don't work for you. 79 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,255 You know what? You're right. 80 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,924 You're actually not working for me. 81 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:48,061 Two brunet, not enough filler. 82 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,064 And what are those pickups? 83 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:53,967 One is. 84 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,036 Yeah. 85 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,370 Now, look, I'd love to stay here. 86 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,306 Keep dunking on your weak asses. 87 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:00,574 But someone else wants to come. 88 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,143 Say hello before. He's almost certainly fired. 89 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,811 Director of the FBI, Mr. 90 00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,814 Kash Patel. 91 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,229 What up? 92 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,631 What up? 93 00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:29,136 It's K Dot, aka Kash with the K, aka 94 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:33,473 the most effective FBI director this country has ever had, 95 00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:37,477 Kash Patel. 96 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:40,881 Now, after the attempted 97 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:46,419 assassination of President Trump, another one. 98 00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,588 We conducted an investigation 99 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,224 that could not have been more thorough. 100 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,261 We dotted every t and bulged every eye. 101 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,031 And for 102 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:02,002 those of you saying I'm doing a bad job running the FBI. 103 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:06,873 Well, what if I told you this agency is only six weeks away 104 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:10,944 from pinpointing the exact location of Osama bin laden? 105 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:16,850 You guys should not be reporting the lies in the gossip. 106 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:17,884 You should be reporting 107 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:20,887 on the historic nature of my appointment. 108 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,589 I am a trailblazer. 109 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:25,826 I'm the first Indian person to suck at their job. 110 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:32,933 Hey, everyone says Indian 111 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:36,336 people are smart, hardworking, incredibly intelligent. 112 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,070 I prove 113 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:40,840 without a shadow of a doubt that we can be just as incapable 114 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,844 and incompetent as the whites. 115 00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:48,949 Okay. 116 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,751 Questions? Yeah. You little shorty. 117 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:56,289 Are you nervous about reports that Trump is angry with you? 118 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,725 Hell, no. 119 00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,360 President Trump loves me. 120 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,062 Everybody loves me. 121 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:06,132 Even the Correspondents Dinner shooter said kill everyone. 122 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,068 But Mr. Patel. 123 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,338 You get a shout out like that in the psychos manifesto. 124 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,139 You must be doing something right. 125 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:15,342 Okay. 126 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,111 Is it true that you, the director of the FBI, 127 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,914 was locked out of your own email account? 128 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,049 That's just more lies. 129 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:23,917 I've always been 130 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:27,787 able to log into my email, except for a brief 36 hour 131 00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:31,558 period of time when I forgot I had changed my password 132 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:34,527 to catch me outside. 69 133 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,296 and I. 134 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,331 Can I ask about your drinking? 135 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,634 What about it? 136 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:41,735 I was actually talking to Mr. 137 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,736 Patel. 138 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,739 Oh, awesome. 139 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,941 Let me be clear. 140 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:52,946 This FBI director has never been drunk or hungover on the job. 141 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:57,017 This FBI director has never filled a 40 ounce travel mug 142 00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,720 with ice cold gin and a swirl of dry vermouth and six 143 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,790 lemon peels and called it a cash tinny. 144 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:07,394 This FBI director has never used taxpayer dollars 145 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:10,563 to take a private jet to fly him and his girlfriend 146 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,133 to three different Buffalo Wild Wings 147 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,035 locations across the country 148 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,437 to see if they could taste the difference. 149 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,640 And this FBI director has definitely not stood 150 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,344 on top of the couch at the VIP room of Tao nightclub, 151 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:28,014 an Asian bistro and shouted, who wants the nuclear codes? 152 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:32,652 JK? I ain't got em. 153 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,657 And beyond that, 154 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,660 I just have one more thing to say. 155 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,095 Live From New York. 156 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,431 It's Saturday night. 157 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,633 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 158 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,303 ♪♪ 159 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,304 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY 160 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,974 NIGHT LIVE" WITH -- 161 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:48,288 HOST AND MUSICAL GUEST OLIVIA 162 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,157 RODRIGO. 163 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,395 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- OLIVIA 164 00:09:55,395 --> 00:10:00,633 RODRIGO! 165 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,234 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 166 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:16,349 ♪♪ 167 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:20,753 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 168 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,823 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. 169 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:27,460 It is seriously a dream to be hosting tonight. 170 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,230 I grew up watching this show, and they say your favorite 171 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,465 SNL cast is the one you watched as a teenager. 172 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,968 So mine is Mikey Day, 173 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:39,706 Sarah Sherman, Kenan Thompson, and Chloe Fineman 174 00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,207 and they all came back this week 175 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:48,014 just to cheer me on how sweet it was. 176 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:53,253 Anyway, I have a new album out next month. 177 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,654 Thank you. 178 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,457 My last two albums were called Sour and Guts, 179 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,758 and this new one is called 180 00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:01,928 You Seem Pretty Sad for a Girl So in Love I learn more words. 181 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,931 Guys. 182 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:09,636 Oh, and, you may not know this, but before I was Olivia 183 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:12,372 Rodrigo, the singer, I was actually Olivia Rodrigo. 184 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,240 The child actor. 185 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,008 And I was six. 186 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,178 I had my first ever acting job in an Old Navy commercial. 187 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,579 Can we show the clip? 188 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:23,116 >> SUMMER SIZZLING DRESSES, $50! 189 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,318 [ CHEERS ] 190 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,352 Yeah. 191 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,787 Pretty sweet. Pretty sweet. 192 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,055 They cut my line, though. 193 00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:32,592 I'm not sure why, but, I managed to get the full footage. 194 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:36,496 >> SUMMER SIZZLING DRESSES, $50! 195 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,331 >> HEY, THAT'S NOT MY REAL MOM, 196 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:38,932 I WANT TO GO TO THE GAP. 197 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,167 [ LAUGHTER ] 198 00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:44,437 And I'm not sure why they cut that. 199 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,638 Then when I was 13, 200 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:52,612 I was on a Disney show called Aardvark, and, we. 201 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,715 We had an incredible cast, which included acting legends 202 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,586 Jake Paul, and, we'd always talk about our futures. 203 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,320 Me and Jake. 204 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,256 I'd say I really want to create music that explores 205 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,124 the complexities of girls my age. 206 00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,426 And he'd say, well, one day 207 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:09,028 I really want to beat up old guys on Netflix. 208 00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,030 And we both did it. 209 00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:15,935 Hooray! 210 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,404 These last few years I've been touring my albums, 211 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,139 which has been so incredible. 212 00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:21,774 There are so many highs on tour, 213 00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,544 connecting with fans, visiting new cities. 214 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,647 And there was one, notable low. 215 00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:33,553 >> OH, MY GOD, THAT WAS FUN, I'M 216 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,288 OKAY! 217 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:38,992 [ LAUGHTER ] 218 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:41,227 That wasn't fun. 219 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:44,230 And I wasn't okay. 220 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,798 You know, a lot has changed for me 221 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,600 since my first single, driver's license, 222 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,335 which was about the biggest 223 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,803 event in my life when I was a teenager. 224 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:52,405 And now that I'm older, 225 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:55,875 I decided to write a new song about the most recent big event 226 00:12:55,875 --> 00:13:01,848 in my adult life, and I really hope it speaks to you. 227 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,123 I got my real I.D. 228 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,157 last week. 229 00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,394 Showed up at the DMV. 230 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:20,199 I sat there waiting 14 hours with nine forms to prove it's 231 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:30,877 me. They finally called my number T107632. 232 00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:34,080 And I approached the lady. 233 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,550 She says I don't have what I need. 234 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,420 She said my ideas in real. 235 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:44,257 Well, then why did you give it to me? 236 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,826 The lady said you need a pay stub. 237 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:53,132 I said, what the hell is that? I'm 23. 238 00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,868 And I know I'm not perfect, 239 00:13:55,868 --> 00:14:03,409 but I've never been so mad at someone. 240 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:08,748 This lady wants my passport, my W-2. 241 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:13,319 I'm my first born son. 242 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:16,089 My cat spell my body count, bra size. 243 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:20,360 How long will this be? 244 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,961 And she said forever. 245 00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:27,967 So I'll just use my old fake I.D.. 246 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,913 We have got a great show for you tonight. 247 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,349 I'm here, so stick around. We'll be right back. 248 00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,432 You're watching Pluto TV. 249 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,834 Home of your favorite classic shows now. 250 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:07,807 It's the 1983 nighttime drama edge of Destiny. 251 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,746 Marguerite, what on earth are you doing here? 252 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,449 You weren't invited to the champagne bowl. 253 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:20,520 But of course I was. Diana, your son asked me himself. 254 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,855 And that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 255 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,724 Marguerite, you're not to see Robin anymore. 256 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,192 Not today, not ever. 257 00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:31,297 You see, I don't want my son interacting with trash. 258 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,967 Excuse me. After everything I've done for this family. 259 00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,036 What are you. 260 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,204 I'll so back. 261 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:43,409 Oh, I want my vertigo on. 262 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,410 Diana. 263 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:47,046 No, no. 264 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,519 Marguerite! 265 00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:56,689 What in heaven's name did you do? 266 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,925 Robin. I don't know what happened. 267 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:03,262 Your mother was telling me these. These lies when she lies. 268 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:05,398 What did she say? Yeah. 269 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,466 She said you were calling off the engagement. 270 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,002 It was life, wasn't it, Robin? 271 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:10,570 I'm sorry. 272 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,905 Marguerite. I lose the house. 273 00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:17,643 My inheritance. He threw me away for money. 274 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:23,616 You bastard! Oh! 275 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:28,654 Proving that you stand up. 276 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,229 Miss Stapleton, begging your pardon, ma'am. 277 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:39,265 May I have a word with you? Oh, yes. 278 00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,801 Step away from the stone. I'm sorry, miss, there's no time. 279 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,237 I'm Jonas, the family attorney. 280 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:44,704 We're prepared 281 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,373 to make you a generous offer of $500 282 00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,710 to leave the premises and never speak to young Reuben again. 283 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:55,848 But you must sign here. No, no. I never signed such a thing. 284 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,416 Not now, not ever. 285 00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:00,253 Whoa, whoa, now be careful. My legs are beyond easy. 286 00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:06,592 I'm standing in front of these stairs. 287 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,228 Oh, no. Oh! 288 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:10,663 Oh, no! 289 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,197 Mercy! 290 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,565 Oh, no. No! 291 00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:20,072 Marguerite, did you just push that dapper 292 00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:22,842 old dandy down the stairs? 293 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:27,446 And why is there a pile of bodies down there? 294 00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,615 I have no idea what you're talking about. 295 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:30,416 Station. 296 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:32,218 Randall, what are you doing here? 297 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,786 Oh, we're taking Leopold 298 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,722 to the terrace for his afternoon, and we. 299 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:40,326 No one informed us there would be a collection of 300 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,930 trash by the stairway. 301 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,064 How dare you! 302 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,700 I should. Excuse me, ma'am. 303 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,570 I have this, tower of champagne flutes. 304 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,506 Where do you think the master worked? 305 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:57,877 Oh, my goodness. 306 00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,812 Clarence. 307 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,248 No 308 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:13,392 Oh. Oh, look, I stopped myself. 309 00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:16,128 Oh! Thank goodness. Clarence. 310 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,863 Are you all right? Clarence? 311 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:21,233 You just fell down so many stairs. 312 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:25,204 Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Oh, no. Wait there. I'm not. 313 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:32,445 Oh, yeah. Oh. 314 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,513 Hi, Monty. You stay here. 315 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,016 It was you who told Reuben about my past. 316 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,819 It was you who asked Diana to end the engagement. 317 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:40,620 You're mad. 318 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,056 I would never confess. Confess or Leopold. 319 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,725 Guess who. 320 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:51,797 Leopold. You wouldn't dare try me. Oh! 321 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:57,570 Oh! Ha ha ha! 322 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,872 Who's the trash now? 323 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,892 Well, well, well, I suppose there's 324 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,628 no one left to inherit the house after all. 325 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:25,131 Now, who has the last laugh? 326 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,198 I do, bitch. 327 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:32,438 Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 328 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:50,623 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 329 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:50,956 ♪♪ 330 00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:57,730 ♪♪ 331 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,970 ♪ I'VE GOT THE 332 00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:05,938 PERFECT BEDROOM 333 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,173 I'VE GOT THE 334 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,407 PERFECT BED ♪ 335 00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:09,675 ♪ I'VE GOT A PURPLE PHONE 336 00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:10,943 WITH A CURLY CORD 337 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,912 RIGHT BESIDE MY HEAD ♪ 338 00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,413 ♪ I'VE GOT A LAVA LAMP 339 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,915 AND BOY BAND POSTERS 340 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,917 ON THE WALL ♪ 341 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,186 ♪ I'VE GOT A BEANBAG CHAIR 342 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:21,420 AND I'VE GOT A DISCO BALL ♪ 343 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,655 ♪ I'VE GOT MY 344 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,156 GLOW-IN-THE-DARK STARS 345 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,425 ON THE CEILING ♪ 346 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:27,660 ♪ GOT MY MOOD RING 347 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,694 THAT TELLS ME HOW 348 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:31,163 I'M FEELING ♪ 349 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,431 ♪ I'VE GOT A TV 350 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:33,666 BUILT-IN VHS ♪ 351 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,667 ♪ I LOVE MY BEDROOM 352 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,202 IT'S THE BEST ♪ 353 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:39,905 ♪ THE ONLY PROBLEM IS 354 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:40,940 I'M IN A ZOO 355 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,776 ON THE BUG PEOPLE PLANET ♪ 356 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,544 [ LAUGHTER ] 357 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:46,312 ♪♪ 358 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:53,085 ♪♪ 359 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:53,886 ♪ A ZOO ON THE BUG PEOPLE 360 00:20:53,886 --> 00:21:01,093 PLANET ♪ 361 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,027 ♪ EVERY DAY 362 00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,295 WHEN THE SUN COMES UP 363 00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:04,296 THE BUG PEOPLE COME 364 00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:05,297 AND LOOK AT ME ♪ 365 00:21:05,297 --> 00:21:06,298 ♪ THEY LET THE ZOO MEMBERS 366 00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:07,299 COME IN FIRST 367 00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:08,300 AND THE OLDER BUGS GET IN 368 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,302 FOR FREE ♪ 369 00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:11,537 ♪ THEY WATCH ME THROUGH 370 00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,339 MY BOY BAND POSTERS 371 00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:14,807 BEADY EYES ALL IN A ROW ♪ 372 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,041 ♪ THEN SIT ON BLEACHERS 373 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,042 WHILE I USE THE TOILET 374 00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,310 WHEN I FLUSH THEY CLAP 375 00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:24,283 LIKE IT'S THE DOLPHIN SHOW ♪ 376 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,286 ♪ I LOVE MY PERFECT BEDROOM 377 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,523 AND I KNOW IT'S AN 378 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,558 ARTIFICIAL HUMAN 379 00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:35,794 HABI -- HABI -- HABITAT ♪ 380 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,029 ♪ IN A CAVE ON 381 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,297 THE BUG PEOPLE PLANET 382 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:39,298 PLANET PLANET THAT 383 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,533 MADE A ROOM FOR ME ♪ 384 00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:41,534 ♪ I NEVER FELT SO FREE 385 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:42,568 THERE'S A BUG 386 00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:43,569 WHO ALWAYS PROTESTS ♪ 387 00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:44,570 ♪ I CAN TELL HE'S GOT 388 00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:46,305 A BIG HEART ♪ 389 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,306 ♪ ONCE A BABY FELL 390 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:48,040 IN MY ROOM 391 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,041 AND THEY SHOT ME 392 00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:50,810 WITH A TRANQUILIZER DART ♪ 393 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,812 ♪ NOW I DON'T HAVE A LOT 394 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:53,779 OF MOVIES 395 00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:54,547 "A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN" 396 00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:55,548 IS THE ONLY ONE ♪ 397 00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:56,549 ♪ AND THEY COULDN'T 398 00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:57,550 GET A REAL COPY 399 00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:58,551 SO THEY HAD TO MAKE 400 00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:04,557 A BUG-PEOPLE ONE ♪ 401 00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:05,291 >> THERE'S NO CRYING IN 402 00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:10,062 EARTHBALL. 403 00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:10,796 >> I THINK THEY DID A REALLY 404 00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:14,033 GOOD JOB. 405 00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:15,034 ♪ EVERY NIGHT WHEN 406 00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:18,304 THE BUGS GO HOME 407 00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:18,838 I'M LEFT IN MY ROOM 408 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:24,043 AND I'M ALL ALONE ♪ 409 00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:24,810 ♪ I STARE AT THE STARS 410 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:26,545 AND THINK OF MY FATE 411 00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:28,314 AND THAT'S WHEN THEY 412 00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:33,319 BRING ME A POTENTIAL MATE ♪ 413 00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:35,554 >> HI, I'M ALAN. 414 00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,556 NOT QUITE SURE HOW I GOT HERE, 415 00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:38,290 BUT I -- I THINK THEY WANT US TO 416 00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:39,291 REPRODUCE. 417 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,292 >> NO. 418 00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,026 >> TOTALLY. 419 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,294 I'M NOT READY EITHER. 420 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:43,562 WE'LL GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER 421 00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:45,297 FIRST, THEN REPRODUCE. 422 00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:46,065 >> NOT INTERESTED. 423 00:22:46,065 --> 00:22:47,299 >> MAKES SENSE. 424 00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:48,534 WELL, NICE MEETING YOU. 425 00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:53,305 OH, HERE COMES THE CLAW. 426 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:53,839 >> WE TRIED, BUDDY. 427 00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:55,040 >> WHAT NOW? 428 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:55,741 A LIFE OF LUXURY IN THE ROYAL 429 00:22:55,741 --> 00:23:00,079 PALACE? 430 00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:03,048 ♪ I LOVE MY PERFECT BEDROOM 431 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:05,551 AND I KNOW IT'S AN 432 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,286 ARTIFICIAL HUMAN 433 00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:10,789 HABI -- HABI -- HABITAT ♪ 434 00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:11,790 ♪ IN A CAVE ON 435 00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:13,025 THE BUG PEOPLE PLANET 436 00:23:13,025 --> 00:23:14,827 PLANET PLANET THAT 437 00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:15,794 MADE A ROOM FOR ME ♪ 438 00:23:15,794 --> 00:23:20,833 ♪ I NEVER FELT SO FREE ♪ 439 00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:24,970 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 440 00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:31,844 I said because you're silly. No, that's not true. 441 00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:35,881 Are y'all Rhett and Bev here? Live on shop TV? 442 00:23:35,881 --> 00:23:38,350 Bev got some good news during the break. 443 00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:38,884 Okay. 444 00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:40,886 The judge denied her daughter's 445 00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:44,390 petition to be legally emancipated. 446 00:23:44,390 --> 00:23:48,227 Oh, kiss my ass, Kayla, I got you for two more years. 447 00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:50,529 You know what's punk in your life? 448 00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:51,397 It's like this. 449 00:23:51,397 --> 00:23:53,532 When she found out she was moonwalking 450 00:23:53,532 --> 00:23:55,301 like Michael Jackson. Do your moonwalk. 451 00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:59,471 There you go. Okay. Oh. You're laughing. 452 00:23:59,471 --> 00:24:01,040 I know. All right, coming up. 453 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:05,678 The most talented man in Christianity returns. 454 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:11,016 Tim Tucker needs here selling his Christian White book series. 455 00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:15,821 Nazareth high. Oh, okay. Change alert. 456 00:24:15,821 --> 00:24:20,993 Oh, the son of God's greatest miracle. Passing geometry. 457 00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:25,130 Oh, okay, Tim, it's just 458 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,098 a ride. 459 00:24:26,098 --> 00:24:28,100 Well, I wish you were here in the studio 460 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,102 because it smells so dang good in here. 461 00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:34,139 What it does? That is thanks to our first seller. 462 00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:36,675 Owner of Daisy's custom cakes. 463 00:24:36,675 --> 00:24:38,711 It's Daisy Rae Rutledge. 464 00:24:38,711 --> 00:24:40,446 Well, aren't you just the cutest thing? 465 00:24:40,446 --> 00:24:43,315 Oh, my grandma, grandma will be so happy you said that. 466 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:45,884 She always says ugly girls down. 467 00:24:45,884 --> 00:24:49,421 Oh. Oh. That's sad. That's a little intense. 468 00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:51,991 So, what do you got for us today, Daisy? 469 00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:56,428 I'm selling my famous lava cake that comes in a reusable tin 470 00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:58,364 Reusable. No. 471 00:24:58,364 --> 00:25:01,400 Yeah, and you get the cake and the tin for the shop 472 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,637 TV price of just 19.95. That's it. Oh, can you stop? 473 00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,106 Oh, I know right. 474 00:25:07,106 --> 00:25:08,307 Daisy, go ahead and show 475 00:25:08,307 --> 00:25:10,809 the shoppers at home what's smelling so good. 476 00:25:10,809 --> 00:25:11,977 Oh, I'm drooling already. 477 00:25:11,977 --> 00:25:16,782 No, don't eat the whole thing, Babs. Oh. 478 00:25:16,782 --> 00:25:20,986 Oh, okay. Oh. 479 00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:23,455 Okay. Oh. 480 00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:25,057 Oh. Hi. 481 00:25:25,057 --> 00:25:29,228 Okay. Come on. Y'all ever seen anything like that? 482 00:25:29,228 --> 00:25:30,796 Just my wife once 483 00:25:30,796 --> 00:25:35,634 My cats. Every day. 484 00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:36,502 Daisy. 485 00:25:36,502 --> 00:25:37,436 Why does 486 00:25:37,736 --> 00:25:40,973 why does your cake got a little starfish in the middle there? 487 00:25:40,973 --> 00:25:42,808 Oh, baby, that's a fudge hole. 488 00:25:42,808 --> 00:25:45,844 Oh, no. Oh, no. That can't be what it's called. 489 00:25:45,844 --> 00:25:51,050 Oh, it is. It's from the fudge feeling inside in the oven. 490 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:53,352 This thing needs someone to escape, so it pops. 491 00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:57,089 Cute little home town. Oh, I wouldn't call it cute. 492 00:25:57,089 --> 00:26:01,060 That's what forms all these pretty crust creases 493 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,729 and flavor wrinkles around the little fudge hole here. 494 00:26:03,729 --> 00:26:07,466 Do you do you have to trim it like that? 495 00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:10,169 Oh, get off to close up. Oh, dear. 496 00:26:10,169 --> 00:26:12,204 How about we see who's on the shop line? 497 00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,607 Call your own shop TV. What do you think of this cake? 498 00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:19,778 I think it looks like a big old butthole. Hang up 499 00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:20,679 Shame on you. 500 00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:22,848 So rude. 501 00:26:22,848 --> 00:26:24,249 Now, Daisy, tell me you know, 502 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:27,686 why in the heck do they call it a lava cake? 503 00:26:27,686 --> 00:26:29,188 I don't know diddly about baking. 504 00:26:29,188 --> 00:26:30,055 So you got it wrong. 505 00:26:30,055 --> 00:26:31,523 Well, my grandma grandma 506 00:26:31,523 --> 00:26:34,426 always says with some patience, anyone can bake. 507 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,761 Even ugly people. 508 00:26:35,761 --> 00:26:39,798 Okay, how about no more quote from grandma. Grandma. Home. 509 00:26:39,798 --> 00:26:41,834 So what is it called? A lava cake? 510 00:26:41,834 --> 00:26:45,137 Oh, because of the liquid fudge inside. Silly. 511 00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:48,340 Beth, stick your national flag home. Take a big wave. 512 00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:52,778 Oh, that was an awful send. So I think I'm gonna pass on that. 513 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:56,381 Come on. It smells amazing. Okay, okay, I'll do a quick one. 514 00:26:56,381 --> 00:26:58,851 Okay, dear. Oh, babe, you got quiche? 515 00:26:58,851 --> 00:27:00,819 Okay, okay, okay. 516 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:02,888 That's great. I'm glad I did that right on camera. 517 00:27:02,888 --> 00:27:05,991 That's all right. That's right. I got a taste 518 00:27:05,991 --> 00:27:06,825 of finger in there. 519 00:27:06,992 --> 00:27:09,628 Oh, no. No, I don't want to mess up the parade. 520 00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:15,400 Okay. Oh, the cake will be fine. Just go slow. Oh, don't. 521 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,902 Don't say that, sweetheart. 522 00:27:16,902 --> 00:27:19,605 Okay. Here you go. Here we go. 523 00:27:19,605 --> 00:27:22,207 All right. I'm sticking my finger in. 524 00:27:22,207 --> 00:27:24,943 Okay, grant, why are you using your pinky? 525 00:27:24,943 --> 00:27:28,981 Don't mind your pinky. It seem more polite. Okay. 526 00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,783 Oh, okay. Here you go. I'll do it. There. 527 00:27:31,783 --> 00:27:35,020 Oh I don't. Oh my lord. 528 00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:36,688 Oh, nice. 529 00:27:36,688 --> 00:27:41,360 There you go. Oh, and there's still you know, 530 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:45,063 it's. Oh. And it's, it's peanut butter flavor tasting. 531 00:27:45,063 --> 00:27:48,367 Oh I know. Okay, okay. 532 00:27:48,367 --> 00:27:50,135 Oh I mean, it tastes good despite 533 00:27:50,135 --> 00:27:51,904 how bad that look, y'all. 534 00:27:51,904 --> 00:27:54,172 Can I get something to wipe my hand off, please? 535 00:27:54,172 --> 00:28:01,346 Not toilet Linette, use your hand. 536 00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:03,849 Daisy, can you tell everybody at home 537 00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:07,085 about the special bongo bundle? Bundle? 538 00:28:07,085 --> 00:28:09,188 Not bongo bundle? 539 00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:09,721 Yeah. 540 00:28:09,788 --> 00:28:10,822 For the next ten minutes, 541 00:28:10,822 --> 00:28:12,758 if you order two cakes, you get two more for eight. 542 00:28:12,758 --> 00:28:13,458 How about that? 543 00:28:13,825 --> 00:28:16,328 Wow. Okay, that's a deal. Let's take another caller. 544 00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:18,163 Hi, there. You're on TV. 545 00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:20,532 Yeah. Do these cakes come in different flavors? 546 00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:23,569 Oh, sure do. What's your favorite? Asian? 547 00:28:23,569 --> 00:28:27,606 Oh. Hang on. Go to Okay. Yeah. 548 00:28:27,606 --> 00:28:29,675 I don't understand the question. Oh, good. 549 00:28:29,675 --> 00:28:32,210 Don't think about it. Disgusting. 550 00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:33,111 Don't think about it. 551 00:28:33,111 --> 00:28:34,613 Well, speaking of reheating, 552 00:28:34,613 --> 00:28:37,649 I understand your little demo with, vanilla. Okay. 553 00:28:37,649 --> 00:28:38,450 Oh, yes. 554 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:39,518 Yes. Okay. 555 00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:39,818 All right. 556 00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:42,688 If you stick your cake in the microwave for 90s, 557 00:28:42,688 --> 00:28:44,489 it does something super neat here. 558 00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:47,359 Hey, hey. Oh, steam starts coming up. 559 00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:51,129 Photo can tell since the camera tells it to. Oh, no. 560 00:28:51,129 --> 00:28:53,232 I think they could see just fine. Okay. Oh, no. 561 00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:56,201 Don't touch the dang overhead, Odell. That's obscene. 562 00:28:56,201 --> 00:29:00,272 Blur that blurry. Well, don't 563 00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:03,408 don't blur everything but the whole. 564 00:29:03,408 --> 00:29:06,612 Odell. Odell. 565 00:29:06,612 --> 00:29:09,081 Well, Daisy, we got a packed show. 566 00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:11,750 I wish we could chat more, but time's a little tight. 567 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,951 Tight like that cake 568 00:29:12,951 --> 00:29:15,988 Okay, Odell, we told you to hang up on him 569 00:29:15,988 --> 00:29:16,888 shop TV after this. 570 00:29:16,888 --> 00:29:18,023 And, Odell, if you keep messing with us, I'm 571 00:29:18,023 --> 00:29:19,258 gonna stop sleeping with you. 572 00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:36,642 Hey, Brianna, thanks so much for coming to my birthday party. 573 00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:41,213 Oh, of course. And I'm so sorry that I invited Duncan. 574 00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:46,685 It was before you guys broke up. 575 00:29:46,685 --> 00:29:48,453 It's okay. 576 00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:49,488 Three whole weeks ago. 577 00:29:49,554 --> 00:29:51,290 I mean, obviously, I've been thinking about him a lot. 578 00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:52,290 I'm just, like, crying. 579 00:29:52,357 --> 00:29:57,696 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's my birthday, so. 580 00:29:57,696 --> 00:30:01,600 Sorry, I overheard, and I just want to say that's rough. 581 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:06,138 I'm sorry. I'm Kevin, by the way. I'm Brianna. 582 00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:09,308 Hey, this is gonna sound crazy, but could you, like, 583 00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:11,176 pretend to be my date tonight? 584 00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:13,111 Maybe make my ex a little jealous? 585 00:30:13,111 --> 00:30:16,982 Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah, I can do that. 586 00:30:16,982 --> 00:30:21,253 Oh my God. Sorry. Oh, what was that? 587 00:30:21,253 --> 00:30:23,255 Oh, sorry. No, my my ex is here. 588 00:30:23,255 --> 00:30:24,856 Looks like she's already with another guy. 589 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:25,957 Oh, man. 590 00:30:25,957 --> 00:30:26,391 Yeah. 591 00:30:26,792 --> 00:30:28,026 Hey, I know we don't know each other, 592 00:30:28,026 --> 00:30:30,529 and this might be crazy, but 593 00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:33,665 would you like to pretend to be my date tonight? 594 00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:40,005 Oh, Acting okay. 595 00:30:40,005 --> 00:30:41,106 I that could be great. 596 00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:44,209 I mean, it doesn't matter that I've had a baby before. 597 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:45,977 You know what? 598 00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:48,080 Why would I just. Because I'm a little older, but. 599 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,081 Oh, but we're acting. 600 00:30:49,081 --> 00:30:51,550 Okay, so, 601 00:30:51,550 --> 00:30:55,287 officer, I'm 18, I swear. 602 00:30:55,287 --> 00:30:56,088 Actually. I'm okay. 603 00:30:56,088 --> 00:30:56,922 I know what to do. 604 00:30:57,122 --> 00:30:58,423 No, I want to do not want to do not want to do it. 605 00:30:58,423 --> 00:31:00,425 I want to do what I want to do, actually do. 606 00:31:00,425 --> 00:31:02,894 Okay. You just look at them. Look at. Okay. 607 00:31:02,894 --> 00:31:06,064 And that is why I never went skiing again. 608 00:31:06,064 --> 00:31:08,166 Oh, you're so funny. 609 00:31:08,166 --> 00:31:11,036 Oh, no. He's making her laugh. Damn it. 610 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:13,638 Okay, Pretend I just told you a joke. 611 00:31:13,638 --> 00:31:14,506 Okay. God. 612 00:31:14,506 --> 00:31:17,175 Okay, a day joke. 613 00:31:17,175 --> 00:31:21,446 Hey, buddy, my sister's gay. 614 00:31:21,446 --> 00:31:27,386 No. Why that? No. Laugh like you like it. Okay. 615 00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:28,653 Hahaha. 616 00:31:28,653 --> 00:31:31,289 What a great gay joke. Oh my gosh. 617 00:31:31,289 --> 00:31:34,726 Fun fact, my sister's gay. 618 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:35,227 What are you doing? 619 00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:41,433 Oh my God, he's with someone and having so much fun. 620 00:31:41,433 --> 00:31:44,703 Well, then we need to have more fun. 621 00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:50,142 But, No no no no. Yes. 622 00:31:50,142 --> 00:31:52,778 Oh, come on, how are we going to top that? 623 00:31:52,778 --> 00:31:53,979 Oh. You're bad 624 00:31:53,979 --> 00:31:58,650 Oh you're bad. Oh. 625 00:31:58,650 --> 00:32:01,286 Mashed potatoes. Oh. 626 00:32:01,286 --> 00:32:02,120 It's what they're doing. 627 00:32:02,254 --> 00:32:03,989 Come on. Look it off is not what they're doing. 628 00:32:03,989 --> 00:32:07,526 Come on. You want her back or not? Look at her. 629 00:32:07,526 --> 00:32:09,995 Oh. Oh, that's the stuff. 630 00:32:09,995 --> 00:32:12,464 Now giggle, giggle. 631 00:32:12,464 --> 00:32:15,133 Hahaha. Ha ha ha ha. 632 00:32:15,133 --> 00:32:18,770 Is she looking? 633 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:21,740 Yeah, but like, not in a good way. 634 00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:22,841 Oh, wow. 635 00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:25,210 There's so, like physical 636 00:32:25,210 --> 00:32:28,113 there's sexual chemistry is up the charts. 637 00:32:28,113 --> 00:32:32,717 Okay. Here, I got you. Oh, you're such a gentleman. 638 00:32:32,717 --> 00:32:35,520 Oh, oh, quick, give me your jacket. What? 639 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:39,024 No, what? It's doing. I get your jacket. 640 00:32:39,024 --> 00:32:40,659 Oh, your nipples like my sock. 641 00:32:40,659 --> 00:32:43,929 Hey, that's this dude, it's my shirt. I'm going. 642 00:32:43,929 --> 00:32:47,466 Oh, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're going to, like, do my. 643 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:50,635 Oh, take my. Okay. Stop. Okay. That's down. 644 00:32:53,772 --> 00:32:55,474 Oh my God. 645 00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:58,376 They're all over each other. Oh, quick, give me a massage. 646 00:32:58,376 --> 00:33:02,013 Your hips. All right. You got. 647 00:33:02,013 --> 00:33:05,217 Oh my God. 648 00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:07,886 Okay, well, can I give you a massage up? 649 00:33:07,886 --> 00:33:12,357 Are you kidding? I live for those things. Okay. Perfect. 650 00:33:12,357 --> 00:33:14,292 Oh, what? 651 00:33:14,292 --> 00:33:16,061 What are you doing? 652 00:33:16,061 --> 00:33:18,563 I love massages, I thought they were something different. 653 00:33:18,563 --> 00:33:22,968 What's, Oh my God. Oh my God, 654 00:33:22,968 --> 00:33:26,104 I watch this. Hey, everyone. 655 00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:28,974 I just wanted to say happy birthday to Marcus. 656 00:33:28,974 --> 00:33:31,743 And the only thing better than having friends you've known 657 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:36,014 your whole life is meeting someone you feel like 658 00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:37,749 you've known forever. 659 00:33:37,749 --> 00:33:41,686 Oh. I feel the same way. 660 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:43,321 Okay, 661 00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:47,592 I know you've got something about me. 662 00:33:47,592 --> 00:33:54,900 Oh, stop. 663 00:33:54,900 --> 00:34:00,005 Ting ting ting ting. 664 00:34:00,005 --> 00:34:07,946 Thank you for having this birthday party. Oh, 665 00:34:07,946 --> 00:34:12,484 for I have met a man tonight. 666 00:34:12,484 --> 00:34:15,820 We made love in the bathroom 667 00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:23,528 so hard that had gotten the food. 668 00:34:23,528 --> 00:34:24,930 His name is Heinrich. 669 00:34:24,930 --> 00:34:30,201 Dunks its dunk and he goes by dunking. 670 00:34:30,201 --> 00:34:33,305 We are to be wed 671 00:34:33,305 --> 00:34:34,806 at midnight. 672 00:34:34,806 --> 00:34:39,678 No, no, we're not under the clock tower. Jesus Christ. 673 00:34:39,678 --> 00:34:43,248 Now let us pray. 674 00:34:43,248 --> 00:34:45,150 Duncan, wait. 675 00:34:45,150 --> 00:34:49,588 I have to say something. Duncan, I made a mistake. 676 00:34:49,588 --> 00:34:50,388 I'm not over you, 677 00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:52,357 and I was trying to make you jealous tonight 678 00:34:52,357 --> 00:34:55,393 by flirting with some random nobody. Whoa! 679 00:34:55,393 --> 00:34:59,297 But I did it because I loved you. 680 00:34:59,297 --> 00:35:01,766 Please don't marry her. 681 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:05,003 Too late. Bitch. I'm pregnant. Oh, 682 00:35:05,003 --> 00:35:06,805 no. You're not. 683 00:35:06,805 --> 00:35:11,776 No she's not. I'm pregnant. Stop, stop, 684 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:16,414 I want her! Excuse her! 685 00:35:16,414 --> 00:35:18,616 Come on, babe, let's get out of here. 686 00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:20,085 All right? You want to take my car? 687 00:35:20,085 --> 00:35:24,556 Not you know. Good night maam Good night to you. I say, 688 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:34,165 oh. You put on quite a show tonight, Beverly. Oh. 689 00:35:34,165 --> 00:35:37,635 Would you like some more potatoes? Yes, please. 690 00:35:58,456 --> 00:36:00,892 >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OLIVIA 691 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:03,595 RODRIGO! 692 00:36:03,595 --> 00:36:09,701 ♪♪ 693 00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:18,143 ♪♪ 694 00:36:18,143 --> 00:36:22,347 ♪ I KNOW THAT THE BAR 695 00:36:22,347 --> 00:36:25,183 CLOSES AT 11:00 696 00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:27,886 I HOPE YOU NEVER 697 00:36:27,886 --> 00:36:32,624 FINISH THAT BEER ♪ 698 00:36:32,624 --> 00:36:35,860 ♪ YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO 699 00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:38,897 "JUST LIKE HEAVEN" ♪ 700 00:36:38,897 --> 00:36:40,432 ♪ AND I KNOW WHY HE 701 00:36:40,432 --> 00:36:41,633 WROTE THEM NOW THAT YOU'RE 702 00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:48,873 STANDING RIGHT HERE ♪ 703 00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:50,141 ♪ OHH ONE NIGHT I WAS 704 00:36:50,141 --> 00:36:52,644 BORED IN BED AND STALKED 705 00:36:52,644 --> 00:36:55,880 YOU ON THE INTERNET ♪ 706 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,148 ♪ IT'S FEMININE INTUITION 707 00:36:57,148 --> 00:36:58,416 'CAUSE I ALWAYS 708 00:36:58,416 --> 00:36:59,617 HAD A VISION OF US 709 00:36:59,617 --> 00:37:02,153 STANDING LIKE THIS ♪ 710 00:37:02,153 --> 00:37:03,121 ♪ ALL PRESSED UP IN THE 711 00:37:03,121 --> 00:37:05,890 BATHROOM LINE ♪ 712 00:37:05,890 --> 00:37:06,891 ♪ YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE 713 00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:07,892 AN ANGEL ON THE WALLS 714 00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:09,360 OF VERSAILLES ♪ 715 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:10,395 ♪ THE MOST ALIVE 716 00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:12,664 I'VE EVER BEEN 717 00:37:12,664 --> 00:37:13,698 BUT KISS ME 718 00:37:13,698 --> 00:37:16,367 AND I MIGHT DROP DEAD ♪ 719 00:37:16,367 --> 00:37:19,404 ♪♪ 720 00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:24,375 ♪♪ 721 00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:25,143 ♪ AND I FEEL LIKE 722 00:37:25,143 --> 00:37:25,877 I MIGHT THROW UP 723 00:37:25,877 --> 00:37:26,444 LEFT HOOK RIGHT PUNCH 724 00:37:26,444 --> 00:37:27,112 TO THE GUT ♪ 725 00:37:27,112 --> 00:37:27,879 ♪ YOU'RE SO SO PRETTY BOY 726 00:37:27,879 --> 00:37:28,880 I'M PARANOID I MADE YOU UP ♪ 727 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:30,648 ♪ YEAH I'D LOVE IT 728 00:37:30,648 --> 00:37:31,883 IF YOU WALKED ME HOME 729 00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:32,884 IF YOU PROMISED WE COULD 730 00:37:32,884 --> 00:37:34,385 GO REAL SLOW ♪ 731 00:37:34,385 --> 00:37:35,620 ♪ 'CAUSE I GOT CHEWING GUM 732 00:37:35,620 --> 00:37:37,655 AND A BUNCH OF STUFF 733 00:37:37,655 --> 00:37:38,623 I'D LIKE TO KNOW ♪ 734 00:37:38,623 --> 00:37:39,390 ♪ LIKE HAVE YOU EVER BEEN 735 00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:40,125 TO JAPAN 736 00:37:40,125 --> 00:37:40,892 OR TAKEN THAT EUROSTAR 737 00:37:40,892 --> 00:37:41,860 TO FRANCE ♪ 738 00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:42,627 ♪ I'VE BEEN DROPPING HINTS 739 00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:43,361 ALL NIGHT THAT I'D LOVE 740 00:37:43,361 --> 00:37:44,395 IT IF YOU HELD MY HAND 741 00:37:44,395 --> 00:37:45,130 DAMN ♪ 742 00:37:45,130 --> 00:37:46,164 ♪ AND THEN MAYBE WE COULD 743 00:37:46,164 --> 00:37:47,132 MAKE-MAKE OUT 744 00:37:47,132 --> 00:37:47,899 CLOTHES OFF AND FALL 745 00:37:47,899 --> 00:37:48,867 TO THE GROUND ♪ 746 00:37:48,867 --> 00:37:49,634 ♪ LET'S GO STEADY 747 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:50,401 LET'S GO OUT 748 00:37:50,401 --> 00:37:51,636 AND TELL THE WHOLE 749 00:37:51,636 --> 00:37:52,403 DAMN WORLD HOW ♪ 750 00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:53,671 ♪ ONE NIGHT I WAS 751 00:37:53,671 --> 00:37:55,406 BORED IN BED 752 00:37:55,406 --> 00:37:56,674 AND STALKED YOU 753 00:37:56,674 --> 00:38:02,147 ON THE INTERNET ♪ 754 00:38:02,147 --> 00:38:03,114 ♪ IT'S FEMININE INTUITION 755 00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:04,115 'CAUSE I ALWAYS 756 00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:05,350 HAD A VISION OF US 757 00:38:05,350 --> 00:38:07,886 STANDING LIKE THIS ♪ 758 00:38:07,886 --> 00:38:08,920 ♪ ALL PRESSED UP IN THE 759 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,889 BATHROOM LINE ♪ 760 00:38:10,889 --> 00:38:11,856 ♪ YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE 761 00:38:11,856 --> 00:38:13,158 AN ANGEL ON THE WALLS 762 00:38:13,158 --> 00:38:14,859 OF VERSAILLES ♪ 763 00:38:14,859 --> 00:38:16,161 ♪ THE MOST ALIVE 764 00:38:16,161 --> 00:38:18,863 I'VE EVER BEEN 765 00:38:18,863 --> 00:38:23,134 BUT KISS ME AND I MIGHT ♪ 766 00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:25,403 ♪ PISCES AND A GEMINI 767 00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:27,372 BUT I THINK WE MIGHT 768 00:38:27,372 --> 00:38:29,374 GO REALLY NICE TOGETHER ♪ 769 00:38:29,374 --> 00:38:30,909 ♪ IF YOU LET ME STAY 770 00:38:30,909 --> 00:38:32,877 THE NIGHT 771 00:38:32,877 --> 00:38:34,145 WELL I THINK I MIGHT 772 00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:38,116 JUST HAVE TO STAY FOREVER ♪ 773 00:38:38,116 --> 00:38:40,118 ♪ PISCES AND A GEMINI 774 00:38:40,118 --> 00:38:42,353 BUT I THINK WE MIGHT 775 00:38:42,353 --> 00:38:44,889 GO REALLY NICE TOGETHER ♪ 776 00:38:44,889 --> 00:38:46,124 ♪ IF YOU LET ME STAY 777 00:38:46,124 --> 00:38:48,393 THE NIGHT 778 00:38:48,393 --> 00:38:49,894 WELL I THINK I MIGHT 779 00:38:49,894 --> 00:38:54,132 JUST HAVE TO STAY FOREVER ♪ 780 00:38:54,132 --> 00:38:54,632 ♪♪ 781 00:38:54,632 --> 00:38:58,369 ♪♪ 782 00:38:58,369 --> 00:39:07,645 ♪♪ 783 00:39:07,645 --> 00:39:08,613 ♪ ONE NIGHT I WAS 784 00:39:08,613 --> 00:39:09,614 BORED IN BED 785 00:39:09,614 --> 00:39:11,115 AND STALKED YOU 786 00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:15,887 ON THE INTERNET ♪ 787 00:39:15,887 --> 00:39:16,888 ♪ IT'S FEMININE INTUITION 788 00:39:16,888 --> 00:39:18,890 'CAUSE I ALWAYS 789 00:39:18,890 --> 00:39:19,891 HAD A VISION OF US 790 00:39:19,891 --> 00:39:21,659 STANDING LIKE THIS ♪ 791 00:39:21,659 --> 00:39:22,860 ♪ ALL PRESSED UP IN THE 792 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:24,095 BATHROOM LINE ♪ 793 00:39:24,095 --> 00:39:25,597 ♪ YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE 794 00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:26,864 AN ANGEL ON THE WALL 795 00:39:26,864 --> 00:39:28,366 OF VERSAILLES ♪ 796 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,101 ♪ THE MOST ALIVE 797 00:39:30,101 --> 00:39:33,605 I'VE EVER BEEN 798 00:39:33,605 --> 00:39:37,609 BUT KISS ME AND I MIGHT ♪ 799 00:39:37,609 --> 00:39:40,612 ♪ KISS ME AND I MIGHT 800 00:39:40,612 --> 00:39:41,379 KISS ME AND I MIGHT 801 00:39:41,379 --> 00:39:44,916 DROP DEAD ♪ 802 00:39:44,916 --> 00:39:56,027 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 803 00:40:07,772 --> 00:40:13,745 It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. 804 00:40:18,182 --> 00:40:21,085 Thank you. 805 00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:22,920 Thank you. 806 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,355 Thank you. Good evening everyone. 807 00:40:24,355 --> 00:40:25,957 Welcome to weekend update I'm Michael Che. 808 00:40:25,957 --> 00:40:31,396 I'm Colin Jost. 809 00:40:31,396 --> 00:40:33,531 Well we start tonight with some breaking news. 810 00:40:33,531 --> 00:40:34,899 Just a few hours ago, 811 00:40:34,899 --> 00:40:41,773 Spirit Airlines permanently shut down mid-flight. 812 00:40:41,773 --> 00:40:44,142 The airline stranded thousands of passengers 813 00:40:44,142 --> 00:40:45,977 at airports with no employees 814 00:40:45,977 --> 00:40:48,212 manning any of the check in desks. 815 00:40:48,212 --> 00:40:50,915 Spirit said they were proud they were still maintaining 816 00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:54,686 their normal level of service. 817 00:40:54,686 --> 00:40:56,220 Called Thomas Allen, the alleged 818 00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:57,989 Correspondents Dinner shooter 819 00:40:57,989 --> 00:41:00,258 took this selfie in his hotel room 820 00:41:00,258 --> 00:41:02,260 shortly before his assassination attempt, 821 00:41:02,260 --> 00:41:08,232 which he captioned felt cute, might delete President. 822 00:41:08,232 --> 00:41:10,435 This week gig, Charles visited the U.S. 823 00:41:10,435 --> 00:41:12,136 and met Zoran Mamdani, 824 00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:14,138 and I'm surprised he didn't take Mamdani back 825 00:41:14,138 --> 00:41:17,141 to England with them because he is an Indian treasure. 826 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:23,748 Okay. 827 00:41:23,748 --> 00:41:25,283 King Charles visited the U.S. 828 00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:25,683 to mark 829 00:41:26,250 --> 00:41:29,020 the 250th anniversary of American independence 830 00:41:29,020 --> 00:41:31,155 from Britain and to seek the release 831 00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:37,161 of a British hostage being held by an American terrorist. 832 00:41:40,598 --> 00:41:42,600 King Charles also presented President Trump 833 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:43,668 with the original bell 834 00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:46,771 from a British submarine and said, should you ever need 835 00:41:46,771 --> 00:41:49,741 to get a hold of us, just give us a ring 836 00:41:49,741 --> 00:41:51,642 or or Trump could just call the guy 837 00:41:51,642 --> 00:41:58,383 saved in his phone as Andrew Island. 838 00:41:58,383 --> 00:42:00,451 Legal experts are saying that this 839 00:42:00,451 --> 00:42:02,587 week's Supreme Court ruling has taken 840 00:42:02,587 --> 00:42:06,691 a wrecking ball to the Voting Rights Act of 1965. 841 00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:11,229 But if you ask black people, it felt more like a fire hose 842 00:42:11,229 --> 00:42:16,134 and two real 843 00:42:16,134 --> 00:42:19,170 President Trump met with the Artemis two astronauts 844 00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:22,707 in the Oval Office and told them, I like SpaceX, 845 00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:25,910 which is actually a direct quote from Melania's wedding vows. 846 00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:30,548 Defense Secretary Pete 847 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:37,488 Hegseth, seen here right after the bartender cut him off. 848 00:42:37,488 --> 00:42:40,291 Testified before Congress, where he revealed that the current 849 00:42:40,291 --> 00:42:46,297 estimate for the war in Iran is $25 billion a gallon. 850 00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:50,435 Also, how has the war already cost 25 billion? 851 00:42:50,435 --> 00:42:55,773 What are we bombing them with? White House ball rooms? 852 00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:59,577 A federal appeals court has restricted abortion access 853 00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:02,747 by blocking the mailing of a popular abortion drug. 854 00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:05,550 But just remember, any drug can be an abortion drug. 855 00:43:05,550 --> 00:43:11,522 If you do it enough. 856 00:43:14,492 --> 00:43:18,262 One guy clap. 857 00:43:18,262 --> 00:43:18,763 The U.S. 858 00:43:19,297 --> 00:43:20,798 State Department is introducing a special edition 859 00:43:20,798 --> 00:43:21,933 passport that features 860 00:43:21,933 --> 00:43:24,769 an image of Donald Trump, so you'll always carry 861 00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:29,474 a reminder of why you fled the country. 862 00:43:29,474 --> 00:43:31,542 Also, I love that the picture of Trump 863 00:43:31,542 --> 00:43:33,511 is apparently burning a hole 864 00:43:33,511 --> 00:43:35,313 in the Declaration of Independence. 865 00:43:38,082 --> 00:43:40,017 A homeless man in Florida was arrested 866 00:43:40,017 --> 00:43:41,819 after trespassing on a yacht 867 00:43:41,819 --> 00:43:43,654 and saying that he was holding it 868 00:43:43,654 --> 00:43:47,258 for his friend, President Trump, as well as making other 869 00:43:47,258 --> 00:43:53,264 unbelievable claims like, I was mayor of New York City. 870 00:43:54,932 --> 00:43:57,602 That was my impression of Kate. 871 00:43:57,602 --> 00:43:59,470 Representative Alexandria 872 00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:02,440 Ocasio-Cortez said she thinks it's possible 873 00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,109 America has already had a gay president. 874 00:44:05,109 --> 00:44:06,444 And here's a guess. 875 00:44:06,444 --> 00:44:07,712 Maybe it's the one obsessed 876 00:44:07,712 --> 00:44:12,550 with ballrooms and the Village People. 877 00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:15,486 President Trump is also claiming that a BBC documentary 878 00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:20,525 altered his January 6th speech by using AI to change his words. 879 00:44:20,525 --> 00:44:26,531 And when you watch it back, it is kind of egregious. 880 00:44:34,272 --> 00:44:36,707 A new report claims that the next person 881 00:44:36,707 --> 00:44:39,510 to leave the Trump administration will be FBI 882 00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:41,212 Director Kash Patel. 883 00:44:41,212 --> 00:44:42,513 And honestly, Patel 884 00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,782 seems like he already has one eye out the door. 885 00:44:48,886 --> 00:44:53,190 The movie Michael earned $97 million in its opening weekend, 886 00:44:53,190 --> 00:44:56,794 which was the most a music biopic has ever grossed. 887 00:44:56,794 --> 00:44:58,362 But it didn't even crack the top 888 00:44:58,362 --> 00:45:04,368 ten grossest weekends involving Michael Jackson. 889 00:45:08,072 --> 00:45:10,208 Well, the news is heavy this week, 890 00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:12,310 but here at Weekend Update, 891 00:45:12,310 --> 00:45:14,579 we are not afraid to take on the tough subjects. 892 00:45:14,579 --> 00:45:17,949 So here to discuss their brewing feud are podcaster 893 00:45:17,949 --> 00:45:20,484 slash influencer Alex Cooper 894 00:45:20,484 --> 00:45:27,892 and influencer slash blogger Alix Earle 895 00:45:27,892 --> 00:45:33,130 Hey guys, what is up Daddy Day? 896 00:45:33,130 --> 00:45:34,131 Welcome ladies! 897 00:45:34,131 --> 00:45:35,833 So for anyone not familiar, 898 00:45:35,833 --> 00:45:38,669 would you mind introducing yourselves? Yeah of course. 899 00:45:38,669 --> 00:45:42,273 So I am Alex with an ear, and I'm Alex with an eye. 900 00:45:42,273 --> 00:45:43,708 I'm pretty much Martha Stewart. 901 00:45:43,708 --> 00:45:45,409 If instead of teaching baking, 902 00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:48,145 she taught you that, like like 3000. 903 00:45:48,145 --> 00:45:52,083 And I'm basically Ellen, if she never came out, 904 00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,919 and I didn't really help me at all. 905 00:45:54,919 --> 00:45:57,655 But do you mind explaining what your feud is? Even about? 906 00:45:57,655 --> 00:46:00,057 Okay. So, like, do you know Piggy and Pop? 907 00:46:00,057 --> 00:46:03,461 Yes. Okay. Well we don't. Can you, like, explain them to us? 908 00:46:03,461 --> 00:46:06,030 You know what? 909 00:46:06,030 --> 00:46:08,199 Okay, so I'm going to say what happened between us. 910 00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:10,201 Okay, then say it. 911 00:46:10,201 --> 00:46:13,337 Say what you got to say, you girl on that. 912 00:46:13,337 --> 00:46:14,605 There's no NDA. Alex. 913 00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:16,607 It. Okay, so I'm honestly really coming out. 914 00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:17,942 I'm saying it like I'm saying it. 915 00:46:17,942 --> 00:46:20,678 We didn't say it, okay? I just said no, you didn't. 916 00:46:20,678 --> 00:46:23,280 I didn't hear you just out like it's okay. Well, that was you. 917 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,548 Have I said it? 918 00:46:24,548 --> 00:46:25,783 I didn't hear anything. 919 00:46:25,783 --> 00:46:27,385 I literally didn't hear. What are you doing? Are you. 920 00:46:27,385 --> 00:46:31,022 You know what the hell is happening right now? 921 00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:32,423 What is happening? 922 00:46:32,423 --> 00:46:35,793 Okay, so basically, to put this in, like, gay man's term, 923 00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:38,429 I don't need that. 924 00:46:38,429 --> 00:46:39,063 I don't need that. 925 00:46:39,063 --> 00:46:40,831 Okay? So she was a hot mess 926 00:46:40,831 --> 00:46:42,933 and I want her hot mess to be an unwell. 927 00:46:42,933 --> 00:46:45,736 But I felt unwell about unwell being off on that. 928 00:46:45,736 --> 00:46:46,470 And it can't be on while 929 00:46:46,604 --> 00:46:49,306 because I'm entering the wellness field. 930 00:46:49,306 --> 00:46:51,609 What? Okay. 931 00:46:51,609 --> 00:46:51,876 Okay. 932 00:46:52,443 --> 00:46:54,078 Basically the situation got so unwell 933 00:46:54,078 --> 00:46:55,913 it can only be described as worse. 934 00:46:55,913 --> 00:47:00,818 The 911, because it can only be described that way. 935 00:47:00,818 --> 00:47:02,853 Okay. And then a chicken fried. 936 00:47:02,853 --> 00:47:06,824 But the whole thing but beyond I'm talking about her more like, 937 00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:10,194 Oh, who the hell is that? 938 00:47:10,194 --> 00:47:12,930 Oh. What? 939 00:47:12,930 --> 00:47:15,666 Briana Chickenfry LaPaglia. 940 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:19,503 Zach Bryan█s ex who█s part of Barstool Cinematic Universe. 941 00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,372 Duh! 942 00:47:21,372 --> 00:47:25,910 I don't understand a word of any of this. Wow. 943 00:47:25,910 --> 00:47:28,546 Okay, so when women tell you about their work 944 00:47:28,546 --> 00:47:32,516 drama, you just, like, tune them out. 945 00:47:32,516 --> 00:47:34,218 Yeah. 946 00:47:34,218 --> 00:47:36,220 Wow. Actually, Jerry. 947 00:47:36,220 --> 00:47:38,089 Wow. We're here to talk about 948 00:47:38,089 --> 00:47:40,591 literal Chernobyl for white women. 949 00:47:40,591 --> 00:47:43,294 And you don't even care. 950 00:47:43,294 --> 00:47:44,762 Put this on the screen. 951 00:47:44,762 --> 00:47:47,431 Michael Che is an enemy to white women. What? 952 00:47:47,431 --> 00:47:49,967 Hey, y'all got that up really fast. 953 00:47:49,967 --> 00:47:52,403 But apparently they have it ready all the time. 954 00:47:52,403 --> 00:47:53,104 Yeah, like all right. 955 00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:58,175 Alex Cooper and Alix Earle everybody 956 00:48:03,781 --> 00:48:06,217 What is that? 957 00:48:06,217 --> 00:48:07,518 In aviation companies now? 958 00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:10,521 Conducting tests of an all electric air taxi to fly 959 00:48:10,521 --> 00:48:13,891 wealthy customers from Manhattan to JFK airport. 960 00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:19,897 While economy customers can use their slingshot to LaGuardia. 961 00:48:21,398 --> 00:48:24,335 Authorities in Italy say a statue was damaged 962 00:48:24,335 --> 00:48:27,338 after a woman accepted a bachelorette challenge 963 00:48:27,338 --> 00:48:29,974 to touch the statue's genitals. 964 00:48:29,974 --> 00:48:35,513 She's been charged with statue Tory rape. 965 00:48:35,513 --> 00:48:36,480 Back to you, Colin. 966 00:48:40,351 --> 00:48:42,686 Gastro gastroenterologist are 967 00:48:42,686 --> 00:48:45,389 now saying that people can avoid getting hemorrhoids 968 00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:47,391 if they just stop sitting on the toilet 969 00:48:47,391 --> 00:48:53,397 for a long time while scrolling on their phones. No. 970 00:48:56,801 --> 00:48:57,501 Coors light 971 00:48:57,902 --> 00:49:00,938 announced the launch of their first nonalcoholic beer, 972 00:49:00,938 --> 00:49:06,911 called 0.0%, and I love their new slogan, core 0.0. 973 00:49:06,911 --> 00:49:12,917 Get custody back. 974 00:49:13,551 --> 00:49:15,553 That's sweet. 975 00:49:15,553 --> 00:49:17,054 Police in Nebraska arrested 976 00:49:17,054 --> 00:49:20,357 a longtime sex offender known as the Cookie Monster 977 00:49:20,357 --> 00:49:23,260 after he was found naked in a boy's bedroom. 978 00:49:23,260 --> 00:49:25,162 Luckily, before he could go. 979 00:49:25,162 --> 00:49:26,964 Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom. 980 00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:37,441 [ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ] 981 00:49:37,441 --> 00:49:40,878 >>> THIS WEEK, RAPPER MEGAN THEE 982 00:49:40,878 --> 00:49:42,346 STALLION AND NBA PLAYER KLAY 983 00:49:42,346 --> 00:49:43,781 THOMPSON BROKE UP AFTER HE 984 00:49:43,781 --> 00:49:45,015 ALLEGEDLY CHEATED ON HER WITH A 985 00:49:45,015 --> 00:49:45,816 NUMBER OF WOMEN. 986 00:49:45,816 --> 00:49:46,584 HERE TO COMMENT IS "SNL'S" KAM 987 00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:47,651 PATTERSON. 988 00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:52,256 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 989 00:49:52,256 --> 00:49:53,924 >> WHAT UP? 990 00:49:53,924 --> 00:49:56,827 >> HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE 991 00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:57,628 BREAKUP, KAM? 992 00:49:57,628 --> 00:50:00,931 >> I'M SO UPSET. 993 00:50:00,931 --> 00:50:02,399 MEGAN IS SINGLE! 994 00:50:02,399 --> 00:50:04,502 >> DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT, YOU'RE 995 00:50:04,502 --> 00:50:04,869 BEAMING. 996 00:50:05,035 --> 00:50:06,170 >> THIS IS A SMILE OF 997 00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:06,570 DESPERATION. 998 00:50:06,570 --> 00:50:06,904 I'M SAD. 999 00:50:06,904 --> 00:50:08,906 [ LAUGHTER ] 1000 00:50:08,906 --> 00:50:13,844 I'M WORRIED ABOUT MEG, MAN. 1001 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:18,148 YOU DON'T SEE THE BROADWAY 1002 00:50:18,148 --> 00:50:20,050 PRODUCTION OF "MOULIN ROUGE." 1003 00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:21,318 I COULDN'T BELIEVE SHE WAS IN 1004 00:50:21,318 --> 00:50:21,619 TOWN. 1005 00:50:22,019 --> 00:50:23,320 >> YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DON'T 1006 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,924 KNOW WHAT "MOULIN ROUGE" IS. 1007 00:50:26,924 --> 00:50:28,025 IT'S WRITTEN PHONETICALLY ON THE 1008 00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:28,459 CARD FOR YOU. 1009 00:50:28,459 --> 00:50:31,896 [ LAUGHTER ] 1010 00:50:31,896 --> 00:50:35,432 >> SHUT UP! 1011 00:50:35,432 --> 00:50:38,669 I'M JUST SAYING, WHO EVEN IS 1012 00:50:38,669 --> 00:50:39,169 THIS GUY? 1013 00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:41,171 >> YOU DON'T KNOW KLAY THOMPSON? 1014 00:50:41,171 --> 00:50:41,505 >> NO. 1015 00:50:41,805 --> 00:50:42,640 >> HE'S A WORLD-FAMOUS PRO 1016 00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:43,140 BASKETBALL PLAYER. 1017 00:50:43,140 --> 00:50:46,710 >> WAIT A MINUTE. 1018 00:50:46,710 --> 00:50:47,311 THERE'S A WNBA FOR MEN? 1019 00:50:47,311 --> 00:50:48,412 [ LAUGHTER ] 1020 00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:52,716 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1021 00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:56,720 WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN CALL THAT? 1022 00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:57,855 THE MMBA? 1023 00:50:57,855 --> 00:51:00,157 NEXT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME 1024 00:51:00,157 --> 00:51:00,858 THERE'S A WHITE MICHAEL CHE. 1025 00:51:00,858 --> 00:51:01,258 >> THERE IS. 1026 00:51:01,258 --> 00:51:03,093 [ LAUGHTER ] 1027 00:51:03,093 --> 00:51:05,129 >> TO ME, HE'S NOT KLAY, HE'S 1028 00:51:05,129 --> 00:51:08,699 DIRT. 1029 00:51:08,699 --> 00:51:10,601 WHAT MEG THEE STALLION NEEDS IS 1030 00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:11,368 A REAL MAN. 1031 00:51:11,368 --> 00:51:12,536 >> WHAT'S REAL MAN? 1032 00:51:12,536 --> 00:51:16,907 >> FIRST OFF, HE'S PROBABLY 5'8" 1033 00:51:16,907 --> 00:51:18,475 TO 5'10". 1034 00:51:18,475 --> 00:51:19,410 SECOND, HE'S PROBABLY A BLACK 1035 00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:20,110 MAN BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS 1036 00:51:20,110 --> 00:51:23,614 BLACK MEN DON'T CHEAT. 1037 00:51:23,614 --> 00:51:24,949 >> KLAY THOMPSON IS BLACK. 1038 00:51:24,949 --> 00:51:26,717 >> HALF BLACK. 1039 00:51:26,717 --> 00:51:27,384 IT WAS THE WHITE HALF THAT 1040 00:51:27,384 --> 00:51:27,718 CHEATED. 1041 00:51:27,718 --> 00:51:29,386 [ LAUGHTER ] 1042 00:51:29,386 --> 00:51:30,421 >> ALL RIGHT, WHAT ELSE MAKES A 1043 00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:30,788 REAL MAN? 1044 00:51:30,788 --> 00:51:34,058 >> WELL, HM. 1045 00:51:34,058 --> 00:51:35,592 HE'S PROBABLY GAINFULLY EMPLOYED 1046 00:51:35,592 --> 00:51:36,460 IN A THRIVING INDUSTRY LIKE, I 1047 00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:38,796 DON'T KNOW, ENTERTAINMENT. 1048 00:51:38,796 --> 00:51:39,296 >> OKAY. 1049 00:51:39,463 --> 00:51:41,465 >> MAYBE HE WORKS ON A SKETCH 1050 00:51:41,465 --> 00:51:42,499 TELEVISION SHOW. 1051 00:51:42,499 --> 00:51:44,234 AND HE'S NOT IN MANY SKETCHES, 1052 00:51:44,234 --> 00:51:44,768 BUT HE'S DOING OKAY. 1053 00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:47,805 [ LAUGHTER ] 1054 00:51:47,805 --> 00:51:48,906 SOME SAY HE'S FINDING HIS VOICE 1055 00:51:48,906 --> 00:51:49,373 MORE EVERY WEEK. 1056 00:51:49,373 --> 00:51:50,040 [ LAUGHTER ] 1057 00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:57,681 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1058 00:51:57,681 --> 00:51:58,816 >> DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM. 1059 00:51:58,816 --> 00:51:59,383 THAT'S JUST YOU, KAM. 1060 00:51:59,383 --> 00:52:01,585 >> HUH. 1061 00:52:01,585 --> 00:52:02,987 I GUESS IT DOES KIND OF SOUND 1062 00:52:02,987 --> 00:52:03,721 LIKE ME. 1063 00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:05,356 >> SO YOU'RE CLEARLY JUST OUT 1064 00:52:05,356 --> 00:52:06,824 HERE SHOOTING YOUR SHOT, HUH? 1065 00:52:06,824 --> 00:52:08,626 >> HEY, SHOOTERS SHOOT. 1066 00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:10,094 THAT'S WHAT KLAY THOMPSON DID. 1067 00:52:10,094 --> 00:52:14,732 >> SO YOU DO KNOW WHO HE IS. 1068 00:52:14,732 --> 00:52:16,200 >> FOUR-TIME NBA CHAMPION, THE 1069 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:16,867 SECOND-GREATEST SHOOTER OF 1070 00:52:16,867 --> 00:52:17,234 ALL-TIME? 1071 00:52:17,334 --> 00:52:17,735 I DON'T KNOW HIM. 1072 00:52:18,035 --> 00:52:20,070 >> IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DO, AND IT 1073 00:52:20,070 --> 00:52:21,672 SOUNDS LIKE YOU WANT TO DATE HIS 1074 00:52:21,672 --> 00:52:22,139 EX-GIRLFRIEND. 1075 00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:23,273 >> IF I HAVE TO, I WILL. 1076 00:52:23,273 --> 00:52:24,108 I WILL DO THAT. 1077 00:52:24,108 --> 00:52:24,742 MEGAN, LET ME TALK TO YOU 1078 00:52:24,742 --> 00:52:25,075 DIRECT. 1079 00:52:25,075 --> 00:52:27,077 ♪♪ 1080 00:52:27,077 --> 00:52:27,378 >> OH. 1081 00:52:27,444 --> 00:52:30,114 [ LAUGHTER ] 1082 00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:32,983 >> AM I THE MAN YOU WANT? 1083 00:52:32,983 --> 00:52:33,784 PROBABLY NOT. 1084 00:52:33,784 --> 00:52:34,785 BUT AM I THE MAN YOU NEED? 1085 00:52:34,785 --> 00:52:39,556 ALSO NO. 1086 00:52:39,556 --> 00:52:40,190 [ LAUGHTER ] 1087 00:52:40,257 --> 00:52:41,658 BUT YOU'VE ALREADY HAD THE BEST, 1088 00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:43,427 BABY, SO WHY NOT TRY THE REST? 1089 00:52:43,427 --> 00:52:44,061 >> WHAT? 1090 00:52:44,061 --> 00:52:46,030 >> LIKE I SAID IN ALL THOSE 1091 00:52:46,030 --> 00:52:48,732 UNANSWERED DMs, SUP? 1092 00:52:48,732 --> 00:52:49,033 DAMN. 1093 00:52:49,099 --> 00:52:51,035 FIRE EMOJI. 1094 00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:53,604 EVER BEEN TO A WATER PARK? 1095 00:52:53,604 --> 00:52:55,406 HEART EMOJI. 1096 00:52:55,406 --> 00:52:55,706 DAMN. 1097 00:52:55,706 --> 00:52:57,574 GOT DAMN. 1098 00:52:57,574 --> 00:53:00,044 DEMON EMOJI. 1099 00:53:00,044 --> 00:53:01,311 LET ME KNOW ABOUT WATER PARK. 1100 00:53:01,311 --> 00:53:02,780 SUP, BABY? 1101 00:53:02,780 --> 00:53:06,250 >> KAM PATTERSON, EVERYBODY. 1102 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:07,985 >> BLACK MEN DON'T CHEAT! 1103 00:53:07,985 --> 00:53:09,319 >> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M 1104 00:53:09,319 --> 00:53:10,421 MICHAEL CHE. 1105 00:53:10,421 --> 00:53:13,057 >> I'M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGHT! 1106 00:53:33,177 --> 00:53:35,712 >>> HELLO. 1107 00:53:35,712 --> 00:53:36,013 >> OH. 1108 00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:38,382 HONEY. 1109 00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:38,916 YOU'RE STILL AWAKE. 1110 00:53:38,916 --> 00:53:41,018 >> INDEED. 1111 00:53:41,018 --> 00:53:43,120 I TRIED TO GO TO BED, BUT MY 1112 00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,489 FAITHFUL FIANCEE WAS NOWHERE TO 1113 00:53:45,489 --> 00:53:46,123 BE FOUND. 1114 00:53:46,123 --> 00:53:47,591 >> SORRY. 1115 00:53:47,591 --> 00:53:48,092 DINNER WENT LONG. 1116 00:53:48,092 --> 00:53:52,362 >> HA HA HA. 1117 00:53:52,362 --> 00:53:54,598 ♪ BUSTED 1118 00:53:54,598 --> 00:53:56,834 10:00 A.M. CLOCK 1119 00:53:56,834 --> 00:53:58,102 IN THE MORNING 1120 00:53:58,102 --> 00:53:58,836 WHERE YOU BEEN ♪ 1121 00:53:58,836 --> 00:53:59,369 ♪ BABY DIDN'T YOU 1122 00:53:59,369 --> 00:54:00,604 GET MY TEXT 1123 00:54:00,604 --> 00:54:04,675 I WAS WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS ♪ 1124 00:54:04,675 --> 00:54:08,545 WE WENT DANCING. 1125 00:54:08,545 --> 00:54:10,047 >> WHO? 1126 00:54:10,047 --> 00:54:13,250 >> ME AND SHONDA AND MONICA, 1127 00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:15,252 CHANDLER WAS THERE TOO. 1128 00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:17,788 ♪ BUSTED THE LAST NAMES WERE 1129 00:54:17,788 --> 00:54:19,456 FROM THE FAST OF FRIENDS KNOW 1130 00:54:19,456 --> 00:54:20,691 ♪ THEY MIGHT BE FRIENDS BUT 1131 00:54:20,691 --> 00:54:23,627 THOSE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS ♪ 1132 00:54:23,627 --> 00:54:25,629 ♪ AND ALSO ♪ 1133 00:54:25,629 --> 00:54:26,797 SHONDA CAN'T BE DANCING SHONDA'S 1134 00:54:26,797 --> 00:54:30,701 GOT FAKE LEGS ♪ 1135 00:54:30,701 --> 00:54:31,502 ♪ WELL SHE CAN STILL CLAP AT THE 1136 00:54:31,502 --> 00:54:35,472 BAR ♪ 1137 00:54:35,472 --> 00:54:37,241 ♪ BACK THOSE BAGS ♪ 1138 00:54:37,241 --> 00:54:39,409 ♪ BABY WE AIN'T GOT NO STAIRS 1139 00:54:39,409 --> 00:54:41,211 IT'S A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT ♪ 1140 00:54:41,211 --> 00:54:41,478 ♪ 1141 00:54:41,912 --> 00:54:43,814 ♪ BUSTED WE HAVE STAIRS SO THE 1142 00:54:43,814 --> 00:54:45,215 DOG CAN GET ON THE BED ♪ 1143 00:54:45,215 --> 00:54:47,885 ♪ HE'S A VERY OLD DOG AND NEEDS 1144 00:54:47,885 --> 00:54:48,685 A LITTLE HELP ♪ 1145 00:54:48,685 --> 00:54:50,454 ♪ BABY YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE YOU 1146 00:54:50,454 --> 00:54:52,222 ALSO NEED THOSE STAIRS ♪ 1147 00:54:52,222 --> 00:54:53,490 ♪ OKAY UNNECESSARY LET'S GET 1148 00:54:53,490 --> 00:54:55,526 BACK TO THE ISSUE THAT'S AT 1149 00:54:55,526 --> 00:54:56,026 HAND ♪ 1150 00:54:56,226 --> 00:54:57,594 ♪ YOU'RE WALKING IN THIS HOUSE 1151 00:54:57,594 --> 00:54:59,830 AND THE TIME IS 10 P.M. ♪ 1152 00:54:59,830 --> 00:55:02,065 ♪ I MIGHT BE TRIPPING BUT THAT 1153 00:55:02,065 --> 00:55:03,734 FEELS LIKE A NORMAL TIME ♪ 1154 00:55:03,734 --> 00:55:06,637 ♪ BUT I GO TO BED AT 6:00 FOR MY 1155 00:55:06,637 --> 00:55:08,071 JOB THAT'S AT 9:00 ♪ 1156 00:55:08,071 --> 00:55:11,842 ♪ COME ON BABY THAT'S 15 HOURS ♪ 1157 00:55:11,842 --> 00:55:13,810 ♪ WELL I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP SO 1158 00:55:13,810 --> 00:55:16,246 IN THE MORNING I CAN CHEAT ♪ 1159 00:55:16,246 --> 00:55:18,615 ♪ DAMMIT CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID 1160 00:55:18,615 --> 00:55:20,083 THAT STUFF OUT LOUD ♪ 1161 00:55:20,083 --> 00:55:21,852 ♪ BUT HOLD ON JUST A SECOND HOW 1162 00:55:21,852 --> 00:55:23,053 WOULD YOU DEFINE CHEATING ♪ 1163 00:55:23,053 --> 00:55:24,721 ♪ HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER 1164 00:55:24,721 --> 00:55:25,255 PERSON ♪ 1165 00:55:25,455 --> 00:55:27,824 ♪ WELL DAMN THAT'S WHAT I DID ♪ 1166 00:55:27,824 --> 00:55:29,893 ♪ BUSTED I'VE BEEN SITTING IN 1167 00:55:29,893 --> 00:55:31,595 THE CLOSET THIS WHOLE TIME ♪ 1168 00:55:31,595 --> 00:55:34,198 ♪ I WAS GONNA ROB THIS HOUSE BUT 1169 00:55:34,198 --> 00:55:35,432 Y'ALL TAKING A LONG TIME ♪ 1170 00:55:35,432 --> 00:55:37,034 ♪ AND I'M TIRED OF WAITING ALONE 1171 00:55:37,034 --> 00:55:41,071 SO I THINK I'LL JUST GO HOME ♪ 1172 00:55:41,071 --> 00:55:43,440 ♪ BUSTED ♪ 1173 00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:44,007 >> WHO'S IN MY COUCH? 1174 00:55:44,141 --> 00:55:45,876 ♪ I'M THE ROBBER'S WIFE AND I 1175 00:55:45,876 --> 00:55:46,877 FOLLOWED HIM HERE ♪ 1176 00:55:46,877 --> 00:55:49,913 ♪ I THOUGHT HE WAS CHEATING I 1177 00:55:49,913 --> 00:55:50,714 HAD SUSPICIONS ♪ 1178 00:55:50,714 --> 00:55:54,084 ♪ I GOT THESE LONG-ASS LEGS SO I 1179 00:55:54,084 --> 00:55:55,886 JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS ♪ 1180 00:55:55,886 --> 00:56:00,057 ♪ BUSTED GIRL YOU KNOW Y'ALL 1181 00:56:00,057 --> 00:56:01,191 BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ 1182 00:56:01,191 --> 00:56:02,826 ♪ AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND 1183 00:56:02,826 --> 00:56:04,261 WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ♪ 1184 00:56:04,261 --> 00:56:06,263 ♪ HI MY NAME IS CHRIS ♪ 1185 00:56:06,263 --> 00:56:08,799 ♪ I WAS IN THE CLOSET 'CAUSE I'M 1186 00:56:08,799 --> 00:56:10,868 THE ROBBER'S MISTRESS ♪ 1187 00:56:10,868 --> 00:56:13,503 ♪ OKAY SO I WAS RIGHT I KNEW 1188 00:56:13,503 --> 00:56:15,072 THAT I WAS RIGHT ♪ 1189 00:56:15,072 --> 00:56:17,908 ♪ HELLO MY NAME IS CURTIS ♪ 1190 00:56:17,908 --> 00:56:22,713 ♪ I AM THE LANDLORD WHAT IS THIS 1191 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:23,380 RUCKUS ♪ 1192 00:56:23,380 --> 00:56:25,182 ♪ IT'S 10:00 IN THE NIGHT I'M 1193 00:56:25,182 --> 00:56:26,950 TRYING TO EAT MY BOILED RICE ♪ 1194 00:56:26,950 --> 00:56:29,553 ♪ AND WHEN DID Y'ALL GET A DOG 1195 00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:31,021 Y'ALL CAN'T HAVE NO DOG ♪ 1196 00:56:31,021 --> 00:56:32,890 ♪ BUSTED WE'RE SORRY WE'RE LYING 1197 00:56:32,890 --> 00:56:33,757 AND CHEATING ♪ 1198 00:56:33,757 --> 00:56:35,492 ♪ AND WE GOT A DOG AND WE'RE 1199 00:56:35,492 --> 00:56:39,196 SINGING AT 10:00 ♪ 1200 00:56:39,196 --> 00:56:40,364 ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST MY 1201 00:56:40,364 --> 00:56:41,565 GIRL, MAN. 1202 00:56:41,565 --> 00:56:43,033 TODAY HAS REALLY TAUGHT ME 1203 00:56:43,033 --> 00:56:43,634 SOMETHING. 1204 00:56:43,734 --> 00:56:44,768 IF WE DON'T HAVE TRUST WHAT DO 1205 00:56:44,768 --> 00:56:45,435 WE HAVE? 1206 00:56:45,435 --> 00:56:47,204 >> IT'S OKAY, BABE. 1207 00:56:47,204 --> 00:56:48,538 BECAUSE I DID CHEAT ON YOU 1208 00:56:48,538 --> 00:56:50,607 TONIGHT AND LIKE A BAJILLION 1209 00:56:50,607 --> 00:56:51,041 OTHER TIMES. 1210 00:56:51,108 --> 00:56:54,211 ♪ BUSTED BUSTED ♪ 1211 00:56:54,211 --> 00:57:00,050 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1212 00:57:10,193 --> 00:57:12,496 >>> ONCE AGAIN, OLIVIA RODRIGO. 1213 00:57:12,496 --> 00:57:16,466 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1214 00:57:16,466 --> 00:57:16,800 ♪♪ 1215 00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:23,507 ♪♪ 1216 00:57:23,507 --> 00:57:27,277 ♪ ALL THAT I WANT 1217 00:57:27,277 --> 00:57:31,548 IS TO KNOW UNDOUBTEDLY 1218 00:57:31,548 --> 00:57:33,550 THAT YOU JUST HAVE EYES 1219 00:57:33,550 --> 00:57:36,520 FOR ME ♪ 1220 00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:38,555 ♪ COULD YOU MAKE IT CLEAR 1221 00:57:38,555 --> 00:57:45,796 ALL THAT I WANT 1222 00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:48,765 IS TO SIT HERE SILENTLY 1223 00:57:48,765 --> 00:57:52,803 AND WATCH MOVIES ON TV ♪ 1224 00:57:52,803 --> 00:57:53,804 ♪ WHAT A SHAME 1225 00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:58,075 YOU'RE NOT HERE ♪ 1226 00:57:58,075 --> 00:57:59,509 ♪ HERE TO WITNESS 1227 00:57:59,509 --> 00:58:00,811 MY DEVOTION AND MY ENDLESS 1228 00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:04,548 WELL OF NEEDS ♪ 1229 00:58:04,548 --> 00:58:07,317 ♪ I'M AN ANCHOR IN THE OCEAN 1230 00:58:07,317 --> 00:58:08,552 YOU KNOW I COULD 1231 00:58:08,552 --> 00:58:14,057 NEVER LEAVE ♪ 1232 00:58:14,057 --> 00:58:15,058 ♪ SO I'M PATIENT 1233 00:58:15,058 --> 00:58:16,293 YOU'RE LEARNING 1234 00:58:16,293 --> 00:58:17,260 PRETEND IT'S NOT HURTING 1235 00:58:17,260 --> 00:58:23,800 OHH ♪ 1236 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:25,535 ♪ THEY SAY IT'S A VIRTUE 1237 00:58:25,535 --> 00:58:28,305 TO NOT LET GOOD 1238 00:58:28,305 --> 00:58:30,073 LOVE SLIP AWAY 1239 00:58:30,073 --> 00:58:34,044 AWAY ♪ 1240 00:58:34,044 --> 00:58:36,546 ♪ OH I'M COOL AND FORGIVING 1241 00:58:36,546 --> 00:58:40,283 I'LL TAKE WHAT 1242 00:58:40,283 --> 00:58:41,551 YOU'RE GIVING 1243 00:58:41,551 --> 00:58:44,054 OHH ♪ 1244 00:58:44,054 --> 00:58:45,288 ♪ BUT NOTHING'S 1245 00:58:45,288 --> 00:58:48,291 QUITE ENOUGH 1246 00:58:48,291 --> 00:58:51,028 WHEN I KNOW THAT 1247 00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:54,564 TO GET IT I BEGGED ♪ 1248 00:58:54,564 --> 00:59:04,307 ♪ TO GET IT I BEGGED ♪ 1249 00:59:04,307 --> 00:59:05,809 ♪ AND I HAVE THIS THOUGHT 1250 00:59:05,809 --> 00:59:11,548 WHEN I LAY IN BED AT NIGHT 1251 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:14,818 THAT I FEEL TRAPPED 1252 00:59:14,818 --> 00:59:15,786 INSIDE MY LIFE ♪ 1253 00:59:15,786 --> 00:59:17,054 ♪ IS THAT A NORMAL THING TO 1254 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:20,056 FIGHT BACK THE WAVES 1255 00:59:20,056 --> 00:59:23,560 OF A STATIC LOVERS' DREAD ♪ 1256 00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:26,797 ♪ I'M OVERWHELMED 1257 00:59:26,797 --> 00:59:27,798 I'M UNDERFED 1258 00:59:27,798 --> 00:59:29,032 AND YET I STILL CLING 1259 00:59:29,032 --> 00:59:35,038 CLING ♪ 1260 00:59:35,038 --> 00:59:36,306 ♪ CLING TO HOPE 1261 00:59:36,306 --> 00:59:37,040 LIKE SNOW ON MOUNTAINS 1262 00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:38,041 CARELESS WORDS 1263 00:59:38,041 --> 00:59:43,313 MELT IT AWAY ♪ 1264 00:59:43,313 --> 00:59:46,783 ♪ I'M A PENNY IN A FOUNTAIN 1265 00:59:46,783 --> 00:59:50,320 JUST WAITING 1266 00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:53,290 ON MY LUCK TO CHANGE ♪ 1267 00:59:53,290 --> 00:59:54,291 ♪ SO I'M 1268 00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:55,292 I'M PATIENT 1269 00:59:55,292 --> 00:59:59,296 YOU'RE LEARNING 1270 00:59:59,296 --> 01:00:01,798 PRETEND IT'S NOT HURTING ♪ 1271 01:00:01,798 --> 01:00:02,799 ♪ OHH ♪ 1272 01:00:02,799 --> 01:00:03,800 ♪ 'CAUSE THEY SAY 1273 01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:04,801 IT'S A VIRTUE 1274 01:00:04,801 --> 01:00:06,002 TO NOT LET GOOD LOVE 1275 01:00:06,002 --> 01:00:07,237 SLIP AWAY ♪ 1276 01:00:07,237 --> 01:00:11,541 ♪ AWAY ♪ 1277 01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:13,777 ♪ OH I'M COOL AND FORGIVING 1278 01:00:13,777 --> 01:00:17,013 I'LL TAKE WHAT 1279 01:00:17,013 --> 01:00:20,517 YOU'RE GIVING OHH ♪ 1280 01:00:20,517 --> 01:00:23,019 ♪ BUT NOTHING'S 1281 01:00:23,019 --> 01:00:25,288 QUITE ENOUGH 1282 01:00:25,288 --> 01:00:26,790 WHEN I KNOW THAT 1283 01:00:26,790 --> 01:00:32,262 TO GET IT I BEGGED ♪ 1284 01:00:32,262 --> 01:00:39,102 ♪ YEAH TO GET IT I BEGGED ♪ 1285 01:00:39,102 --> 01:00:50,046 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1286 01:01:01,591 --> 01:01:03,426 Marcy. 1287 01:01:03,426 --> 01:01:06,563 Going to 43 Bellevue AV. Yep. That's me. 1288 01:01:06,563 --> 01:01:08,865 Sir, do you mind if we have a few sips back here? 1289 01:01:08,865 --> 01:01:11,401 Oh, yeah. Do whatever you want. 1290 01:01:11,401 --> 01:01:15,472 Just, you know, give me five stars. Hell, yeah. 1291 01:01:15,472 --> 01:01:20,143 Hey, can you put on some music? Sure thing. 1292 01:01:20,143 --> 01:01:22,379 Oh, okay. 1293 01:01:22,379 --> 01:01:23,513 We need a plan for tonight. 1294 01:01:23,513 --> 01:01:25,715 Because I feel like last time we got it, we went. 1295 01:01:25,715 --> 01:01:28,685 I got, like, kind of sloppy. Oh, my God, so sloppy. 1296 01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:32,222 Yeah. Promise you'll cut me off after, like, 15 drinks? 1297 01:01:32,222 --> 01:01:34,357 Oh, the scene, that's, like a lot. 1298 01:01:34,357 --> 01:01:35,358 It is. 1299 01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:36,793 Oh, well, how about this? 1300 01:01:36,793 --> 01:01:37,460 Cut me off. 1301 01:01:38,028 --> 01:01:40,297 If I start jumping on people's backs and trying to revive them 1302 01:01:40,297 --> 01:01:42,098 because last time I heard that guy. 1303 01:01:42,098 --> 01:01:43,400 Yeah, well, he was in a wheelchair 1304 01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,902 already, but, yeah, yeah, he did hurt him. 1305 01:01:45,902 --> 01:01:47,637 I know it wasn't cute. 1306 01:01:47,637 --> 01:01:50,307 Okay, but you have to promise to not let me go skinny dipping. 1307 01:01:50,307 --> 01:01:52,375 I mean, it was so embarrassing at Jake's party. 1308 01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:53,476 Oh my God. 1309 01:01:53,476 --> 01:01:54,744 Okay, but to be fair, 1310 01:01:54,744 --> 01:01:57,847 if Jake had had a pool, it would have been fine. True. 1311 01:01:57,847 --> 01:01:59,282 It was only embarrassing because you're just, 1312 01:01:59,282 --> 01:02:01,651 like, kind of running around naked in these yard. 1313 01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:06,656 ♪ DUM-DI-DUM-DI-DIDDY 1314 01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:08,658 DIDDY-DIDDY-DUM 1315 01:02:08,658 --> 01:02:09,192 DUM-DI-DUM-DI-DIDDY 1316 01:02:09,192 --> 01:02:09,893 DIDDY-DIDDY-DUM ♪ 1317 01:02:09,893 --> 01:02:10,927 ♪ GIRL JAH PUM PUM 1318 01:02:10,927 --> 01:02:11,895 MAKE ME MIND EXPLODE-A ♪ 1319 01:02:11,895 --> 01:02:13,196 ♪ PUT IT ON ME 1320 01:02:13,196 --> 01:02:14,664 AND ME GO BEAST MODE-A ♪ 1321 01:02:14,664 --> 01:02:16,166 ♪ JAH PUT IT ON ME 1322 01:02:16,166 --> 01:02:17,400 LIKE CHICKEN ON RICE-A 1323 01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,668 IN ME BED AND ME GON' 1324 01:02:18,668 --> 01:02:21,905 HIT IT TWICE-A ♪ 1325 01:02:21,905 --> 01:02:22,672 ♪ ME WAN JAH PUM PUM 1326 01:02:22,672 --> 01:02:23,440 PLEASE GIVE SOME SOME 1327 01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:24,407 YOU GWAN LAY WIT ME 1328 01:02:24,407 --> 01:02:25,642 GON' MAKE YOU COME COME ♪ 1329 01:02:25,642 --> 01:02:26,643 ♪ GWAN SCREAM WHEN ME HIT IT 1330 01:02:26,643 --> 01:02:27,410 AND ME STICK IT ♪ 1331 01:02:27,410 --> 01:02:28,144 ♪ MAKE YA SWEAT 1332 01:02:28,144 --> 01:02:29,179 GWAN CALL ME 1333 01:02:29,179 --> 01:02:30,380 JERK CHICKEN ♪ 1334 01:02:30,380 --> 01:02:31,381 ♪ WHITE DUPPY MOSES 1335 01:02:31,381 --> 01:02:32,415 ON DA MIC ME 1336 01:02:32,415 --> 01:02:33,149 GON SPIT IT ♪ 1337 01:02:33,149 --> 01:02:33,717 ♪ ME MAKE YA SWEAT 1338 01:02:33,717 --> 01:02:34,684 GWAN CALL ME 1339 01:02:34,684 --> 01:02:37,220 JERK CHICKEN BRA ♪ 1340 01:02:37,220 --> 01:02:37,621 [ LAUGHTER ] 1341 01:02:37,787 --> 01:02:51,034 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1342 01:02:51,034 --> 01:02:51,401 Temperature. 1343 01:02:51,701 --> 01:02:55,839 All right for you back there? 1344 01:02:55,839 --> 01:03:01,811 Yeah. 1345 01:03:01,811 --> 01:03:06,816 Sir, what was that? 1346 01:03:06,816 --> 01:03:09,386 I don't know, 1347 01:03:09,386 --> 01:03:09,953 okay. 1348 01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:11,655 But you, like, started aggressively 1349 01:03:11,655 --> 01:03:17,193 singing a Jamaican dancehall song, like, really loud. 1350 01:03:17,193 --> 01:03:20,230 I don't know what that was. 1351 01:03:20,230 --> 01:03:22,298 I'm sorry. I just, like, came out of me. 1352 01:03:22,298 --> 01:03:26,169 Wait, so you, like, made that up on the spot? 1353 01:03:26,169 --> 01:03:30,040 I guess I have as much information as you do. 1354 01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:33,109 Can we just forget it? 1355 01:03:33,109 --> 01:03:34,477 No offense, but like how? 1356 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,846 I don't know, just, 1357 01:03:36,846 --> 01:03:38,515 go back to what you were talking about before. 1358 01:03:38,515 --> 01:03:39,482 You were both like, 1359 01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:41,718 promise you let me do heroin tonight or whatever. 1360 01:03:41,718 --> 01:03:45,322 That that is. Fine. Go back to that. 1361 01:03:45,322 --> 01:03:48,191 I don't think we can. It feels like things have changed. 1362 01:03:48,191 --> 01:03:49,959 You don't have to, though. 1363 01:03:49,959 --> 01:03:52,762 You just go back, be like, I don't let me do crack off. 1364 01:03:52,762 --> 01:03:56,399 Some guys might like that. That's not what we're saying. 1365 01:03:56,399 --> 01:03:57,901 Why are you so mad? 1366 01:03:57,901 --> 01:04:00,170 Why do you think I just realized 1367 01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:03,807 I'm one of the most talented Rasta emcees on earth? 1368 01:04:03,807 --> 01:04:05,342 I don't want that for my life. 1369 01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:08,111 I don't want to be a white Rasta guy. 1370 01:04:08,111 --> 01:04:11,715 I don't think you have to be sorry, though I'm afraid I do. 1371 01:04:11,715 --> 01:04:13,817 You heard the song. You heard what I'm capable of. 1372 01:04:13,817 --> 01:04:16,152 Oh, God damn it. 1373 01:04:16,152 --> 01:04:20,423 Oh, I really don't want to be a white Rasta guy. 1374 01:04:20,423 --> 01:04:22,358 Okay, well, if it makes you feel any better. 1375 01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:27,197 I didn't think the song was that good. 1376 01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:32,068 You're sweet to say that, but I know it was. 1377 01:04:32,068 --> 01:04:35,972 No, seriously, this kind of trash. 1378 01:04:35,972 --> 01:04:38,708 I wish they were true, sweetheart, I really do. 1379 01:04:38,708 --> 01:04:41,177 It was next level, 1380 01:04:41,177 --> 01:04:44,047 and I can't escape my destiny. 1381 01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:46,649 Oh, my God, are you going to sing again? 1382 01:04:46,649 --> 01:04:48,251 I have to. 1383 01:04:48,251 --> 01:04:49,419 [ LAUGHTER ] 1384 01:04:49,419 --> 01:04:50,687 ♪ BUM-DI-DUM-DIDDY 1385 01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:51,921 DIDDY-DIDDY-DUM 1386 01:04:51,921 --> 01:04:52,655 SHAKE YA TING LIKE A WOOD 1387 01:04:52,655 --> 01:04:54,157 ROLLER COASTER ♪ 1388 01:04:54,157 --> 01:04:54,657 ♪ PUT IT ON ME 1389 01:04:54,657 --> 01:04:55,658 LIKE YA KNOW 1390 01:04:55,658 --> 01:04:57,360 YOU A'POSSED ♪ 1391 01:04:57,360 --> 01:05:00,497 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1392 01:05:09,973 --> 01:05:14,677 You never know when a Break-In will happen. 1393 01:05:14,677 --> 01:05:15,912 For those moments 1394 01:05:15,912 --> 01:05:18,848 you want a home security system you can trust. 1395 01:05:18,848 --> 01:05:21,284 Safeguard, help to somebody in the house. 1396 01:05:21,284 --> 01:05:23,987 Okay. Stay calm. Ma'am, we're sending someone right away. 1397 01:05:23,987 --> 01:05:27,390 Because any security system can catch a crime on camera. 1398 01:05:27,390 --> 01:05:29,359 But will enough people see that footage 1399 01:05:29,359 --> 01:05:30,960 to identify the suspect? 1400 01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:31,494 That's why 1401 01:05:31,895 --> 01:05:33,897 safeguard is the first home security system 1402 01:05:33,897 --> 01:05:37,967 designed to produce crime scene footage guaranteed to go viral. 1403 01:05:37,967 --> 01:05:41,137 So we're out here asking, guys, what's your body count? 1404 01:05:41,137 --> 01:05:42,806 Oh my God. 1405 01:05:42,806 --> 01:05:45,775 I don't know if I should say, let's see, 1406 01:05:45,775 --> 01:05:48,044 when your alarm goes off, we send a TikToker 1407 01:05:48,044 --> 01:05:52,015 to ask the intruder questions like gay son or daughter. 1408 01:05:52,015 --> 01:05:55,118 Oh. Oh, damn. I don't want a thought. 1409 01:05:55,118 --> 01:05:59,289 Daughter. Gay son, though. That's tough. 1410 01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:00,857 Jason, today, 1411 01:06:00,857 --> 01:06:03,993 when our house got broken into, a safeguard, immediately 1412 01:06:03,993 --> 01:06:05,562 sent someone to ask the burglar 1413 01:06:05,562 --> 01:06:07,564 if he'd ever gotten that sloppy. Toppy. 1414 01:06:07,564 --> 01:06:10,033 The video got, like, 100 million views. 1415 01:06:10,033 --> 01:06:11,868 He was identified immediately, 1416 01:06:11,868 --> 01:06:14,304 and now he's got his own show on the Barstool network. 1417 01:06:14,304 --> 01:06:16,906 I couldn't believe how fast the TikToker got there. 1418 01:06:16,906 --> 01:06:18,474 I was like, aren't they busy? 1419 01:06:18,474 --> 01:06:22,679 But here's what I didn't realize. No 1420 01:06:22,679 --> 01:06:25,515 safeguard gives you your choice of security plans 1421 01:06:25,515 --> 01:06:28,618 like sidewalk takes. So what's your take? 1422 01:06:28,618 --> 01:06:30,253 If you go on a date with a heavy woman, 1423 01:06:30,253 --> 01:06:33,189 you shouldn't have to pay. 100% disagree. 1424 01:06:33,189 --> 01:06:36,759 If she's eating, I'm treating chicken shop date. Right. 1425 01:06:36,759 --> 01:06:38,428 What is this? 1426 01:06:38,428 --> 01:06:41,164 You're in love with me, and you're trying to steal my heart. 1427 01:06:41,164 --> 01:06:45,902 Whatever. And, of course, Cam Patterson. Crowd work. 1428 01:06:45,902 --> 01:06:47,170 All right? Okay, okay. 1429 01:06:47,170 --> 01:06:49,672 Look, I don't know who he asked on the first day. 1430 01:06:49,672 --> 01:06:52,175 Come on, man, I know you do. Yeah. 1431 01:06:52,175 --> 01:06:54,644 You been there like num num num num num. 1432 01:06:54,644 --> 01:06:57,514 More ass. Please, ma'am, I do. We do with that. 1433 01:06:57,514 --> 01:06:59,749 You know, you go to jail, right? Thanks, safeguard. 1434 01:06:59,749 --> 01:07:01,251 Except now people are breaking 1435 01:07:01,251 --> 01:07:03,620 into my house because they want to go viral. 1436 01:07:03,620 --> 01:07:06,022 Cory Booker has been here every single night. 1437 01:07:06,022 --> 01:07:07,423 Because when you hear that window 1438 01:07:07,423 --> 01:07:08,691 break in the middle of the night, 1439 01:07:08,691 --> 01:07:11,628 you want someone you can trust, someone who will show up. 1440 01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:14,264 Someone who will ask, what's the craziest place 1441 01:07:14,264 --> 01:07:15,798 you've ever gotten your backbone out? 1442 01:07:15,798 --> 01:07:21,905 Oh, come on, man, my girl watching this. Come on. And, 1443 01:07:21,905 --> 01:07:23,239 Target. 1444 01:07:23,239 --> 01:07:31,981 ♪♪ 1445 01:07:31,981 --> 01:07:35,018 Wow. Huge thank you to Aziz Ansari. 1446 01:07:35,018 --> 01:07:37,687 Debbie Harry and Connor storie 1447 01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:41,591 This. 1448 01:07:42,158 --> 01:07:45,562 Is the best cast and crew and writers in the business. 1449 01:07:45,562 --> 01:07:46,863 And I couldn't be more grateful. 1450 01:07:46,863 --> 01:07:48,698 This is a true honor and a real dream come true. 1451 01:07:48,698 --> 01:07:50,633 Thank you so much to Lorne. 1452 01:07:50,633 --> 01:07:51,801 I will never forget this night. 1453 01:07:51,801 --> 01:07:55,238 Thank you guys so much. Good night.