1
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:20,487
Do you have a minute,
Mayor Mamdani? Of course.

2
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:22,856
But first, I need to address
this nor'easter.

3
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,057
Quick, get out your phone.

4
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:27,094
I need to send an urgent message
about this dangerous storm.

5
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,963
Ready, sir?

6
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,238
Shelter in place, y'all.

7
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:41,608
You okay? Perfect.

8
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:42,175
Now, Mr.

9
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:44,278
Mayor,
there's someone here to see you.

10
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:44,645
What?

11
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:46,013
What reckless lunatic

12
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,915
would travel to see me
in this kind of weather?

13
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,517
That's crazy.

14
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:53,520
Your best friend.

15
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,324
Wonder who.

16
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,892
Oh, yes, Mr. President.

17
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,495
You're here again?
Of course I am.

18
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,362
I missed my day.

19
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,498
Ones are on Monday

20
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:07,634
because for some reason
that no one can figure out.

21
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,237
I really, really like you.

22
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,738
That's. That's very kind.

23
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,707
But wouldn't
you rather be in D.C.?

24
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,175
We're in the middle of El Nino.

25
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:17,578
Oh, El Nino,
we don't like big stars.

26
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,479
Especially
when they're in Spanish.

27
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,150
Yeah, well, let's just
pray that it passes quickly.

28
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,685
Oh, I don't pray at all.

29
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,387
I don't go to church
on Christmas nor Easter.

30
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:29,323
Boom.

31
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,492
Somehow, when I'm with you, I'm
just firing on all cylinders.

32
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:35,062
Maybe it's
because we're both from Queens.

33
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:35,729
I know.

34
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,698
Isn't it funny
to think I could have grown up

35
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,833
in one of your apartment
buildings in Queens?

36
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,836
Not with that last name.

37
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:45,339
Mr. president,
I'm actually very busy.

38
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,241
And I assume you are,
too. Wrong.

39
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:49,743
I just love hanging out
with you.

40
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,446
We're, like one of those
unlikely animal friendships.

41
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,449
Like when a tiger gets together
with a baby goat.

42
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,884
When I see stuff like that,
I want to text it to

43
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,387
you and say, this
could be us, but you play it.

44
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,023
Is that timely?

45
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,958
Do people still say that anyway?

46
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,259
How are you?

47
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:07,961
I'm great.
It was a great summer.

48
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,964
I'm still riding high on that
Knicks championship.

49
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,499
Yeah.

50
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,901
You know, I check that out.

51
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,071
I went to one game,
ruined the vibe and then dipped.

52
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:18,905
Yeah.

53
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,942
By the way I took your advice
on a run for my speech

54
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:22,676
at the U.N..

55
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:25,545
Is it the U.N. or UN

56
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:26,413
U.N. Wait.

57
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,081
So you said we need to work
towards

58
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,816
a cease fire and sustain peace.

59
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,151
Oh, I could have sworn

60
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,154
you told me to say
I'm going to annihilate you.

61
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,056
Yeah, I don't think that was me.

62
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,591
Maybe I dreamed it.

63
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,127
You're in most of my dreams.

64
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,063
I call you mom dreamy.

65
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,698
Pick me, choose me.

66
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,733
Love me anyway.

67
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,268
It's been a crazy week.

68
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,103
I kicked out the press and,

69
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,540
hung out
with the president of China.

70
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,543
She she.

71
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,911
And. Yeah, it went brunet.

72
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,747
It's fall.

73
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,516
Mr. President, I just.

74
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,484
There was this crazy guy
stuff, too.

75
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,420
I just had dinner with Sam
Altman,

76
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:10,090
Elon Musk, and Mark Zuckerberg,
and they made me think,

77
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:13,193
wow, RFK Junior's probably
right about those vaccines.

78
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,395
I mean, the tins in that room.

79
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,564
Know what that short for, right?
That is.

80
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,698
You heard that.

81
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,434
Maybe take a break from the

82
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,203
AI and start
working on a eye contact.

83
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,572
Right.
Some of these guys, it's crazy.

84
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:28,875
Well, that was a crazy thing
to say, but it's getting late.

85
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,744
I have important work tomorrow.
Okay?

86
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,312
I have to go to Bushwick

87
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:35,315
and give ketamine
to underprivileged bisexuals.

88
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,218
I don't know
what any of those words mean.

89
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:40,353
Excuse me, Mr.

90
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,422
President.
Someone is here to see you.

91
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,990
What reckless lunatic

92
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,993
would travel to see me
in this kind of weather?

93
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:51,798
It's your assistant,
Natalie Harp. Hey.

94
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:58,605
Hi, Mr.

95
00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,072
President.

96
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,907
Hi, Natalie.

97
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,976
I didn't realize
you were in New York.

98
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,678
Oh, I wasn't.

99
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:05,979
I ran here from D.C.

100
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,982
weapons style.

101
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,985
I, came in case
you needed anything, because,

102
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,655
baby boy,
you've been on my mind.

103
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,457
I'd say is.

104
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,358
Is she great?

105
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,361
She's like the girl
from obsession, but blond.

106
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:26,199
No. No.

107
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,634
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

108
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:30,103
I'm totally normal.
I'm totally normal.

109
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,939
Anyways,
nice to meet you, mayor.

110
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,107
I'm dying.

111
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,108
Excuse me.

112
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:35,609
Excuse me.

113
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,578
I was gonna give.

114
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:41,681
If you hurt him, I will end you.

115
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:43,717
Okay.

116
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,786
Bye bye. Wow.

117
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,222
Well, Mr.

118
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,358
President, I really do
have to get back to work.

119
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,959
Oh, come on, Z bag,

120
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,363
z z dove

121
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,266
z nine, the sequel.

122
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,168
Don't make me go back there.

123
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,068
I don't want to go.

124
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:04,504
The judges keep telling me no.

125
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:06,673
Mitch McConnell
keeps giving me the b side,

126
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,608
whatever the hell that means.

127
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,578
Please
let me stay here with you,

128
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:12,479
okay?

129
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,849
Only if you give us $21 billion
for a housing project

130
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,685
in Queens.
Are you out of your mind?

131
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,954
What if I follow
you back on Instagram?

132
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,790
It's a done deal. And live
from New York.

133
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,793
It's Saturday night.

134
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,801
It's Saturday Night Live with

135
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,118
Musical guest.

136
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:35,121
Katseye

137
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,992
And your host, Jalen Brunson.

138
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,264
Ladies and gentlemen,

139
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:52,706
Jalen Brunson

140
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,728
Thank you.

141
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,896
Thank you.

142
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,466
Thank you very much.

143
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:20,834
It's great to be here.

144
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,068
I'm very excited.

145
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:25,071
You guys can probably tell
with my voice and face,

146
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,508
but tonight
I'm going to approach the host

147
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,344
in the same way
I approach the next finals game.

148
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,612
So the first three quarters

149
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,615
of the show
are going to be God awful.

150
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:39,586
The last sketch is
going to be amazing.

151
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,724
Anyway, anyway,
I had a pretty good summer.

152
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,727
I helped the Knicks win
NBA championship.

153
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,133
By now you've all heard me
talk about it,

154
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,136
but you haven't heard me
sing about it.

155
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,472
And obviously I'm not going to.

156
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,510
But look, the new season
is just a couple weeks away,

157
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:04,978
and I got to say, it's
going to be pretty cool

158
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,748
to be back in Madison
Square Garden.

159
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:11,251
Looking around like. Wow.

160
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,819
Just a few months ago, this.

161
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,822
This was the exact spot where
Taylor and Travis got married.

162
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:17,857
And I will say,

163
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,626
the most satisfying
part of winning the title is

164
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,928
think about all the people
who doubted me along the way.

165
00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:25,064
And tonight, I finally get
to get some closure.

166
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,399
I invited
one of my biggest doubters

167
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,368
here to apologize to my face.

168
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,371
Stephen Smith.

169
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,707
Yeah,

170
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:35,975
you know what?

171
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,678
Let me say this. Jalen Brunson.

172
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,848
I am man enough to admit
that I was wrong

173
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:44,651
when the New York
Knickerbockers signed you.

174
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:47,086
And I did not think
that you were the answer.

175
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,989
Nor did I believe
that you could deliver the team

176
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:54,127
for championships in 1973,
when I was only five years old.

177
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,463
Sorry.

178
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:57,597
How long is this going to go?

179
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,765
About another seven minutes.

180
00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,499
Yeah. Forget it.

181
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:02,168
Okay. You got it. Okay.

182
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,437
Now, before we start

183
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:08,308
the show, I did want to open it
up to some audience questions.

184
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,577
Yes. To those four men
back there.

185
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,377
What's up Jalen.

186
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:14,380
What's up Jalen.

187
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,992
Big fan big fan. Yeah.

188
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,460
But why?

189
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,729
Why are you wearing
glasses inside?

190
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,731
You're right, you're right.

191
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,766
I, captain,

192
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,201
I have a question.

193
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,838
Can you foul out of SNL?

194
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,707
No, I don't think so.

195
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,576
So I could be here, like,
the whole show.

196
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,612
Nice.

197
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,781
All right, who's next?

198
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,550
Oh, I have a question.

199
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,453
Are my arms, like, really long?

200
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:56,022
They're pretty long, right?

201
00:10:56,022 --> 00:11:00,560
Yeah,
but you got a great wingspan.

202
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:05,732
Yet I'll never fly. Oh.

203
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,767
Okay.

204
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,737
Next question. OG

205
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,710
Remember in game four
when you took that shot

206
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:22,048
at the end and you missed it?

207
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:22,916
Yeah.

208
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,319
Do you remember
what happened after?

209
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:26,786
Yeah.

210
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,888
You tipped it in. Oh, yeah.

211
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:33,626
That was awesome.

212
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,929
Okay, you got time for this?

213
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,398
One more question.

214
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:42,602
Josh? Yes.

215
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:47,240
No. Hey, man,
I love the podcast.

216
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,510
Is it true that you took $130
million pay cut

217
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,879
just to resign with the Knicks?

218
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,115
Yeah, that's true. Wow.

219
00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,852
So is that money,

220
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:03,356
like, still up for grabs?

221
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,092
I don't know, but
I do have a question for you.

222
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:09,095
Why don't you do this to me
at the cup ceremony?

223
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:22,942
Because it was funny.

224
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:26,212
That like that, question
was a layup, bro.

225
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,848
Yeah, well, last time
I had a layup, you did this.

226
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,123
Hey. Hey, bro,

227
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:40,126
AI be looking so real
because they.

228
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,230
Oh. All right, well, guys,
can you come up

229
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,233
here, please?

230
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,875
We have a great show for
you tongiht. Katseye is here

231
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,244
Stick around we█ll be right
back

232
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:15,962
Whew!

233
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:20,300
Man, those Pizza Hut sandwiches
really hit the spot, Sure did.

234
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,334
But wait.

235
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:25,271
Oh. Mark's going in
for the slam dunk.

236
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:30,143
Oh, yeah.

237
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,678
All right, basketball star.

238
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:35,815
We should probably get back
to work, But wait, before we do.

239
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,851
Looks like
Darius has the ball now.

240
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,187
Okay, there he is.

241
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:41,587
What are you saying?

242
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,256
I'm just left on the clock.

243
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,259
He shoots in.

244
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,462
He misses.

245
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:50,963
So close. Darius.

246
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:52,498
Yeah.
That would have been awesome.

247
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,366
Yeah.

248
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,233
Feel like we would have been

249
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:57,236
talking about that
for a long time, buddy.

250
00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,505
Anyway, back to work.

251
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,308
What's the status
on, Thompson Park?

252
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,043
Yeah,
we submitted an application

253
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,778
for a federal grant
about a month ago.

254
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,447
I think NPS has just backed

255
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,081
up. Yeah,

256
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:11,084
the new regulations are just
too much for them to handle.

257
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,251
But wait, guys,

258
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:13,953
it turns out

259
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,956
it wasn't
the last shot of the game.

260
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,325
What's this now?

261
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,328
The referee said there's still
one second left on the clock.

262
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,065
The invulnerable, the Darius.

263
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:29,068
He shoots and.

264
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:32,338
Oh! Missed it again.

265
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,339
Sorry, Darius.

266
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,842
Looks like the game
is really over this time.

267
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:38,811
Yeah. It looks.

268
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,814
It's because the clock ran out.

269
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,117
Yep. So,

270
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:47,420
is there any way we can get
this thing speeding along or.

271
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,255
I, I have a friend over there.

272
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,724
I can make a call.
But wait, though.

273
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,159
Darius. No.

274
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,828
You guys are never going
to believe this.

275
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,398
There's still time on the clock.

276
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,601
How it turns out,
it was daylight savings time,

277
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:06,172
so there's still two seconds.

278
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,042
That's not how daylight savings
works.

279
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:13,746
Well, Derek gets the ball
back for one last shot.

280
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,681
He shoots and,

281
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,318
missed again.

282
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:19,552
Right.

283
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,255
It looks
like you're all out of wrappers.

284
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,258
Am I bitch?

285
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,495
Oh! Darius shoots.

286
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,131
Oh. Shoots again. Here he is.

287
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,066
One last chance, Scotty.

288
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,035
Eyes closed.

289
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,470
Eyes open.

290
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,339
Dude! Kobe!

291
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:41,374
Boom! Shut the locker.

292
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,675
Darius, stop!

293
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:45,678
Stop! Oh,

294
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:49,248
you are embarrassing yourself,
okay.

295
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,351
You're bad at basketball, man.

296
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,754
Can't you get that
through your little pea brain

297
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:59,992
and your big ass head
that you suck at basketball?

298
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:03,429
You can't get the ball
in the basket.

299
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:05,698
Do you get that?

300
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:06,833
But there's still one.

301
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,202
Yo, Darius,

302
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,270
there's not one second
left, man.

303
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:12,738
Stop it. Okay.

304
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:15,741
You're bad at basketball.

305
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,312
I'm sorry, I can't stop.

306
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:21,781
Why not? Man?

307
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,784
Because there's something
you guys just don't know.

308
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,321
My name's not Darius Barcelona.

309
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:32,024
It's not. No,

310
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:33,292
it's Jalen Brunson.

311
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:38,798
Oh my God.

312
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,434
That explains why

313
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,437
he drives a neon orange Maserati

314
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:47,607
and why we saw him
kissing Jalen Brunson's wife.

315
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:52,879
Well, look, I only took this job
because ever since

316
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,182
I was a little boy, I fantasize
about working a modest job

317
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,453
and hitting it big shot
in front of my coworkers.

318
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,256
But you're so famous already.

319
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,424
Just in the NBA.

320
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,660
I don't care about that.

321
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,695
I care about the office.

322
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,698
I want to be known
as an as an office shooter.

323
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,035
Yeah, right.

324
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,038
I just don't think
that's a great thing to say.

325
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,208
I can't I can't give up now.

326
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,843
Game on the line.

327
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,812
Can't you hear the crowd?

328
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,884
I think I care.

329
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,720
Yeah, yeah, I hear it too.

330
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,455
I can smell the popcorn.

331
00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:37,456
We believe in you.

332
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:40,459
Jalen Brunson has the right.

333
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,361
This one's for all the marbles.

334
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,399
He leaves that he shoots.

335
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:50,570
Oh and BP

336
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:55,508
B and T you.

337
00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:00,713
Owe me.

338
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,748
All right.

339
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,584
After a worldwide search Dream

340
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,653
Academy season
one brought you Katseye

341
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,622
Now we're back for season two.

342
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:13,726
Ready to find our next breakout
girl group again?

343
00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:15,461
Details.

344
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,596
We're asking ourselves.

345
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,465
Can lightning
strike twice? I'm Neal Sam.

346
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:22,735
I am 17, and as a kid,
I played young Nala in The Lion

347
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:23,703
King on Broadway.

348
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,005
But now I want to be a pop star.

349
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,707
I'm Ila. I'm 16.

350
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:30,710
I've been singing and dancing
since I could walk and talk.

351
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,511
Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

352
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,847
Roll the hips and wear
your crown.

353
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:35,881
Got it.

354
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:36,282
Okay.

355
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,184
If I understand correctly,
it's tummy.

356
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,953
Breast.
Tummy. Breast punch breast.

357
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,989
But then what?

358
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,390
It'll never be breasts.

359
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:47,460
I am Duff
and I'm a triple threat.

360
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,463
Swimming, drawing and magic.

361
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,365
And I'm argyle.

362
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,200
I only wear flip flops
because I kept passing out

363
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,701
when I tried to tie my shoes.

364
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:58,938
Hey, can someone help me zip up
my little sip it up?

365
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,873
It's not even on you.

366
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,709
Duffin, Margol witnessed
a hit and run caused

367
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,177
by a music executive.

368
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:10,082
And now they are on the show.

369
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:13,652
She dragged that guy
for two blocks.

370
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:14,820
Who cares?

371
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,856
TBH, I thought Dream
Academy was a school

372
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,125
where you learn
how to control dreams.

373
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,527
But sure, I'll be a pop star.

374
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:22,795
So girls.

375
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:26,632
For the name of the final group,
we are between Foxtail

376
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:28,167
and Tigress.

377
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,602
That's cute.
What about moose knuckle?

378
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,903
No avatar sex.

379
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,038
You guys are not picking
the name.

380
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,672
Crow.

381
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,841
Crow.

382
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:36,409
Just crow.

383
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:37,576
It's not up for discussion.

384
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,245
What's that thing where you make
your personal name?

385
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,680
You all talking
about a favorite food?

386
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,114
Plus the street you grew up on.

387
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,917
Tomato orphanage.

388
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,786
When my mom was in the hospital,

389
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,789
I started singing
to make her feel better.

390
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,524
A doctor filmed me singing in.

391
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,926
The video went viral.
Oh, I had a dream.

392
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:56,662
I got a haircut from a spider.
Is that a good story?

393
00:19:56,662 --> 00:20:00,666
We're forming teams for the song
writing challenge.

394
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,034
Group A will be Neil.

395
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,670
So Jamie and Emily

396
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,172
and Group B

397
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:09,408
will be Duff, Margol and Isla.

398
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,976
Oh, God.

399
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,145
Well, I guess I'm visual. Okay.

400
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,848
I was thinking something
like, Ocean waves.

401
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:18,684
Yell at me. Grazie.

402
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,152
Oh. That's good.

403
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:23,722
I was thinking
maybe something like

404
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,424
Newton's cradle.

405
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,159
Newton's cradle?

406
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,828
Come and get me.

407
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:32,264
No, I'm just going to come
and get it.

408
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:33,866
New day is great.

409
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,402
Oh, come on, get up.

410
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,237
Come and get what?

411
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,506
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but Duff and Argyle

412
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:43,275
have really grown on me.
They're like my big sisters.

413
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:46,979
If my big sister spoke
Dothraki, the

414
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,216
here to announce the winning
group, our Dream Academy

415
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:54,487
season one champions Katseye

416
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,822
Oh. Who are these little girls?

417
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,692
Hey, icons.
We were wowed by all of you.

418
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,694
The athleticism, the talent.

419
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,829
Whatever this is.

420
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,499
But more than anything,
your songs.

421
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,734
Please
enjoy the global music video

422
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:11,871
debut of the winning
girl group featuring us.

423
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:22,314
♪ I'M AT THE AMC MATINEE

424
00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:23,315
PUSS 'N' BOOTIN' ♪

425
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:24,817
♪ I LIKE MY SALADS

426
00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:25,818
HEAVY ON THE CRUTON

427
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:27,052
CRUTON ♪

428
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:28,320
♪ I LIKE MY TURTLES TEENAGED

429
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,322
AND A LITTLE MUTANT ♪

430
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:31,323
♪ I LIKE MY FIGS LIKE

431
00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:32,324
I LIKE MY CRADLE

432
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:33,559
NEWTON NEWTON ♪

433
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:34,794
♪ NEWTON'S CRADLE

434
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,061
NEWTON'S CRADLE

435
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:37,830
COME AND GET IT

436
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,331
NEWTON'S CRADLE ♪

437
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,066
♪ NEWTON'S CRADLE

438
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:42,568
NEWTON'S CRADLE ♪

439
00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:44,170
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

440
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:53,679
Okay.

441
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,815
I want
to thank you all for being here.

442
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:59,485
I know it's tough, but
you're very brave to do this.

443
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:03,455
And the first step is admitting
that there's a problem.

444
00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:06,926
All right, Brian,
you want to start us off?

445
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:10,696
Sure. Hi.

446
00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:12,965
I'm Brian.

447
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:13,999
Oh, man.

448
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,701
It's hard for me to say it.

449
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:16,836
It's okay. Brian.

450
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:19,939
You can do this.

451
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:21,674
My girl was brought on stage

452
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:25,377
at the Chris Brown
and Usher tour.

453
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:26,946
Hi, Brian.

454
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:32,418
So, so, Yeah, me and Diane have
been married for three years.

455
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:33,719
Never had any problems.

456
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:37,423
And then for our anniversary,
she surprised me with two

457
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:41,560
front row
tickets to see usher and CB.

458
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:42,561
So it was fun enough.

459
00:22:42,561 --> 00:22:44,263
You know, the dancing
and they ripping

460
00:22:44,263 --> 00:22:46,265
open their shirts and whatnot.

461
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:48,634
And then six songs in Hershey

462
00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:53,706
jumps off the stage,
dangling the damn cherry.

463
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:56,675
Looking at
dropping in some lady's mouth.

464
00:22:56,675 --> 00:23:01,280
And then suddenly
Diane is just hungry as hell.

465
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,014
It's okay.

466
00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:04,183
Breathe, Brian. Breathe.

467
00:23:04,183 --> 00:23:09,188
I'm just saying,
cherries are out of season.

468
00:23:09,188 --> 00:23:11,991
Where did you get that answer?

469
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:14,593
Okay,
let's give Brian a breather.

470
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:16,929
You want to go fill up?

471
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:18,163
Sure. Yeah.

472
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:18,864
I'm Phillip,

473
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:23,535
and my girl was brought on stage
at the Chris Brown Usher Tour

474
00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:25,471
I love.

475
00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:27,406
I mean,
I wasn't even at the concert.

476
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:30,309
I bought tickets for my girl
and her friends.

477
00:23:30,309 --> 00:23:32,645
She gets home,
and I say, how was it?

478
00:23:32,645 --> 00:23:34,813
She says, fine.

479
00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:37,383
And she goes and takes a bubble
bath with her

480
00:23:37,383 --> 00:23:40,886
Theragun.

481
00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:43,622
Next morning, open TikTok.

482
00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:48,494
I see my girl strapped to
a pole, spinning like shwarma.

483
00:23:48,494 --> 00:23:49,028
And there's Mr.

484
00:23:49,361 --> 00:23:51,997
Breezy,
no shirt on, drenched in sweat.

485
00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:54,233
My girls eyes
are on the back of her head.

486
00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:57,002
Like she's
trying to see our memories.

487
00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:59,238
Oh, I am so sorry, Phillip.

488
00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:02,741
Video has 123,000 likes.

489
00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:05,044
Top comment says pay for her.

490
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:07,713
Man. Y'all.

491
00:24:07,713 --> 00:24:10,416
Got this man.

492
00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:15,621
Well, I spent $1,200 on
that meet and greet.

493
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:18,624
I never expected her to actually
greet me.

494
00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:23,796
You're brave.

495
00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:26,165
You're very brave.

496
00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:27,466
Sorry.

497
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,768
I have a question. For me.

498
00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:31,136
Sure. Mike. Go ahead.

499
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:35,040
If if God is real,

500
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,344
why would he create talented,
light skinned.

501
00:24:38,344 --> 00:24:39,511
All right, all right. Easy.

502
00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:39,845
Let's.

503
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:44,683
Let's assume that.

504
00:24:44,683 --> 00:24:46,285
Yes, yes I agree.

505
00:24:46,285 --> 00:24:50,189
Let's move along, Chris.

506
00:24:50,189 --> 00:24:52,725
Yeah. Hi. I'm Chris.

507
00:24:52,725 --> 00:24:55,527
Hi, I'm Chris.

508
00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:56,562
Data. Black woman.

509
00:24:56,562 --> 00:24:58,864
They said

510
00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:00,065
it will be fun.

511
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:01,567
They said.

512
00:25:01,567 --> 00:25:02,401
And it is.

513
00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:06,271
I loves me a queen.

514
00:25:06,271 --> 00:25:08,107
All I'm saying is,

515
00:25:08,107 --> 00:25:10,909
this kind of stuff don't happen
at the Noah Kahan concert.

516
00:25:14,546 --> 00:25:15,948
Very right.

517
00:25:15,948 --> 00:25:17,950
Okay. Who's next?

518
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:19,585
Hi, Dana.

519
00:25:19,585 --> 00:25:21,487
Hello.

520
00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:22,788
Usher. Raymond. Dry hump.

521
00:25:22,788 --> 00:25:25,391
My pregnant wife. So hard.

522
00:25:25,391 --> 00:25:28,594
She had triplets.

523
00:25:28,594 --> 00:25:30,763
When they came out
and they didn't even cry.

524
00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:31,930
They just went.

525
00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:34,533
Jail. Jail and jail.

526
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,036
And I was like, no.

527
00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:41,040
Damn you Usher

528
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:47,613
♪♪

529
00:25:47,613 --> 00:25:54,319
♪♪

530
00:25:54,319 --> 00:25:56,688
>>> GREAT GAME LAST NIGHT NIGHT,

531
00:25:56,688 --> 00:25:56,989
JAKE.

532
00:25:57,289 --> 00:25:58,791
YOU DOMINATED SOUTH HIGH.

533
00:25:58,791 --> 00:26:00,759
>> DID YOU SEE THE SCOUTS IN THE

534
00:26:00,759 --> 00:26:01,093
STANDS?

535
00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:03,228
YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO THE

536
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:03,529
PROS.

537
00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:04,463
>> THANKS, GUYS.

538
00:26:04,463 --> 00:26:06,965
FOR ME, THE "B" IN BASKETBALL

539
00:26:06,965 --> 00:26:08,033
STANDS FOR "BROTHERS."

540
00:26:08,033 --> 00:26:09,668
>> OH, WHAT A TEAM!

541
00:26:09,668 --> 00:26:10,969
>> COME ON IN.

542
00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:12,304
>> UM, SORRY.

543
00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:14,840
I JUST TRANSFERRED HERE.

544
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:15,607
AND I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD

545
00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:16,942
MAYBE JOIN YOU GUYS.

546
00:26:16,942 --> 00:26:19,144
>> SORRY, BUD.

547
00:26:19,144 --> 00:26:20,112
WE'RE FULL UP.

548
00:26:20,112 --> 00:26:20,512
>> YEAH.

549
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:24,783
KICK ROCKS, DUDE.

550
00:26:24,783 --> 00:26:29,254
>> THANKS ANYWAY.

551
00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:30,556
>> GUYS.

552
00:26:30,556 --> 00:26:31,557
WHOA.

553
00:26:31,557 --> 00:26:34,426
EVERYONE DESERVES A SHOT.

554
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:38,063
SUP, MAN?

555
00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:39,298
I'M JAKE.

556
00:26:39,298 --> 00:26:40,032
OF COURSE YOU CAN BALL WITH US.

557
00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:42,034
BUT KNOW THIS.

558
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:42,768
HERE AT NORTH HIGH, YOU GOT TO

559
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:45,270
GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT.

560
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:45,771
>> OH, YEAH.

561
00:26:45,871 --> 00:26:48,707
THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.

562
00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:50,909
HA HA!

563
00:26:50,909 --> 00:26:52,878
♪ ON THIS TEAM

564
00:26:52,878 --> 00:26:54,680
WE GIVE IT OUR ALL YEAH

565
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,148
YOU BEST BELIEVE

566
00:26:56,148 --> 00:27:00,385
THIS IS BASKETBALL ♪

567
00:27:00,385 --> 00:27:01,887
♪ PASS ME THE BALL

568
00:27:01,887 --> 00:27:02,387
NUTTIN' BUT NET

569
00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:03,155
GET IN YOUR FACE

570
00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:03,889
AND THEN I FAKE LEFT ♪

571
00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:04,456
♪ GOT WHAT IT TAKES

572
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,124
I AIN'T STARTED YET

573
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:08,861
'CAUSE THIS IS BASKETBALL ♪

574
00:27:08,861 --> 00:27:10,395
♪ PASS IT TO ME

575
00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:11,363
AND I KNOW WHAT I GOT

576
00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:12,397
PUT THE TEAM ON MY BACK

577
00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:13,866
THEN I TAKE THE SHOT ♪

578
00:27:13,866 --> 00:27:16,902
OH!

579
00:27:16,902 --> 00:27:19,104
[ LAUGHTER ]

580
00:27:19,104 --> 00:27:23,275
>> OH, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.

581
00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:25,010
♪ TAKE THE SHOT --

582
00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:28,180
TAKE --

583
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:29,882
TAKE THE SHOT

584
00:27:29,882 --> 00:27:33,886
TAKE THE SHOT ♪

585
00:27:33,886 --> 00:27:34,419
PLEASE.

586
00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:35,154
PLEASE.

587
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:35,787
♪ TAKE THE ♪

588
00:27:35,787 --> 00:27:36,922
>> OH, MY GOD, JAKE, JAKE.

589
00:27:36,922 --> 00:27:41,160
>> OKAY.

590
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:45,164
ALL RIGHT.

591
00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:45,797
MR. NEW GUY, GOOD BLOCKS.

592
00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:46,532
BUT BASKETBALL ISN'T JUST ABOUT

593
00:27:46,532 --> 00:27:46,865
DEFENSE.

594
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:48,166
IT'S ABOUT HEART.

595
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:48,901
COME ON, GUYS.

596
00:27:48,901 --> 00:27:56,942
LET'S SHOW HIM HOW IT'S DONE.

597
00:27:56,942 --> 00:27:57,709
♪ TEAM I GOT MY BALL AND I GOT

598
00:27:57,709 --> 00:28:01,213
MY ♪

599
00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:01,547
>> OH!

600
00:28:01,547 --> 00:28:05,250
>> GAME ON.

601
00:28:18,497 --> 00:28:22,467
>> OH, MY ANKLE!

602
00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:23,402
>> EXCUSE ME.

603
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:23,869
KISS THE BALL.

604
00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:24,536
>> I'M TRYING.

605
00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:25,103
>> CALL ME DADDY NOW.

606
00:28:25,170 --> 00:28:27,773
>> WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

607
00:28:27,773 --> 00:28:28,574
>> YO, THAT WAS LIT AS HELL,

608
00:28:28,574 --> 00:28:31,276
BRUH!

609
00:28:31,276 --> 00:28:32,010
>> I NEVER HEARD YOU TALK LIKE

610
00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:33,779
THAT.

611
00:28:33,779 --> 00:28:34,546
>> I DIDN'T KNOW BASKETBALL

612
00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:37,549
COULD BE, LIKE, NOT GAY.

613
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:37,950
[ LAUGHTER ]

614
00:28:38,183 --> 00:28:38,784
>> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

615
00:28:38,784 --> 00:28:39,785
YOU'RE OUR BEST PLAYER.

616
00:28:39,785 --> 00:28:40,285
>> I KNOW.

617
00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:43,055
MAYBE -- NOT ANYMORE.

618
00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:44,556
♪ EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE ♪

619
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:46,258
OH, GOD!

620
00:28:46,258 --> 00:28:47,025
OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW,

621
00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:52,264
OW!

622
00:28:52,264 --> 00:28:53,031
HOW?

623
00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:56,301
WHY?

624
00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:57,703
JUST GIVE ME 30 SECONDS TO GET

625
00:28:57,703 --> 00:28:58,270
ON MY FEET, PLEASE!

626
00:28:58,270 --> 00:28:59,304
PLEASE!

627
00:28:59,304 --> 00:29:04,810
GOD!

628
00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:05,811
THIS IS ACTUALLY A GOOD TIME TO

629
00:29:05,811 --> 00:29:07,846
TELL YOU GUYS, I DON'T EVEN CARE

630
00:29:07,846 --> 00:29:11,750
ABOUT BASKETBALL ANYMORE.

631
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,651
THAT'S RIGHT.

632
00:29:12,651 --> 00:29:14,686
I DECIDED I'M DOING A MUSICAL.

633
00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:15,387
BECAUSE I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE.

634
00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:18,924
>> JAKE!

635
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:22,628
>> JESSIKIAH.

636
00:29:22,628 --> 00:29:24,563
♪ THE LOOK IN YOUR EYES

637
00:29:24,563 --> 00:29:26,398
WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER ♪

638
00:29:26,398 --> 00:29:27,132
♪ THIS CRAZY LOVE WILL BE

639
00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:30,602
WITH US FOREVER ♪

640
00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:32,871
♪ A ROSE LIKE YOU

641
00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:33,872
ONLY BLOOMS SO UNIQUE ♪

642
00:29:33,872 --> 00:29:35,607
>> WHAT THE HELL?

643
00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:37,109
♪ BABY LET'S COME TOGETHER

644
00:29:37,109 --> 00:29:40,112
'CAUSE THIS IS MEANT TO BE ♪

645
00:29:40,112 --> 00:29:48,220
♪ OOH OOH ♪

646
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:51,123
♪ COME GIRL OH YEAH NOT HIM BUT

647
00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:51,456
ME ♪

648
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:52,290
>> YEAH, I THINK I'M GOING TO

649
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:53,492
HOOK UP WITH THIS GUY.

650
00:29:53,492 --> 00:29:54,259
>> STOP, STOP.

651
00:29:54,259 --> 00:29:54,726
I SEE THAT.

652
00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:56,161
BUT HEY, BEFORE YOU DO.

653
00:29:56,161 --> 00:30:00,065
BUCKET!

654
00:30:00,065 --> 00:30:02,668
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

655
00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:05,570
>>> HELLO.

656
00:30:05,570 --> 00:30:07,673
WE -- NO -- I CAN HEAR YOU NOW.

657
00:30:07,673 --> 00:30:08,407
YES, MY FATHER WAS ADMITTED LAST

658
00:30:08,407 --> 00:30:08,774
NIGHT.

659
00:30:08,774 --> 00:30:11,510
HE FELL.

660
00:30:11,510 --> 00:30:12,744
I'M TRYING TO REACH HIS HOSPITAL

661
00:30:12,744 --> 00:30:13,045
ROOM.

662
00:30:13,412 --> 00:30:14,780
NO, NO, DON'T -- OH, MY GOD,

663
00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:16,181
THEY PUT ME ON HOLD AGAIN.

664
00:30:16,181 --> 00:30:18,150
>> IT WILL BE FINE, HONEY,

665
00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:19,551
THEY'LL REBOOK US ON ANOTHER

666
00:30:19,551 --> 00:30:19,985
FLIGHT SOON.

667
00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:22,954
>> MY DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL,

668
00:30:22,954 --> 00:30:23,255
CLARK.

669
00:30:23,522 --> 00:30:26,558
I NEED TO GET HOME NOW.

670
00:30:26,558 --> 00:30:27,893
WE SHOULD HAVE FLOWN DELL DELTA,

671
00:30:27,893 --> 00:30:29,895
BUT YOU WANTED TO SAVE MONEY AND

672
00:30:29,895 --> 00:30:33,632
BUY TICKETS ON A JANKY AIRLINE.

673
00:30:33,632 --> 00:30:37,235
>> AI CHIHUAHUA AIRLINES IS NOT

674
00:30:37,235 --> 00:30:37,569
JANKY.

675
00:30:37,869 --> 00:30:39,237
>> CAN YOU UPDATE ME ON MY

676
00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:40,372
FATHER'S CONDITION, PLEASE?

677
00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:42,774
>> OOOOOHHHHH!

678
00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:45,844
OH, DAVID!

679
00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:47,245
THESE MASSAGE CHAIRS ARE A GAME

680
00:30:47,245 --> 00:30:50,816
CHANGER FOR BUSINESS TRIPS.

681
00:30:50,816 --> 00:30:52,451
I DON'T WANT THIS LAYOVER TO

682
00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:52,884
END, DAVID.

683
00:30:52,884 --> 00:30:58,023
>> OOH!

684
00:30:58,023 --> 00:30:58,924
AMEN, PATRICK.

685
00:30:58,924 --> 00:30:59,958
>> DAVID!

686
00:30:59,958 --> 00:31:01,860
THE DEEP TISSUE SETTING IS

687
00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,329
DESTROYING MY KNOT, DAVID, OOH!

688
00:31:04,329 --> 00:31:06,531
>> RIDE IT OUT, PATRICK, OOH.

689
00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:09,000
>> I'M SORRY, IT'S A LITTLE LOUD

690
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,802
HERE, CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?

691
00:31:10,802 --> 00:31:12,471
>> OH, PATRICK.

692
00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:14,072
THIS ROLLING MOTOR'S

693
00:31:14,072 --> 00:31:14,506
DEVASTATING.

694
00:31:14,506 --> 00:31:14,873
>> I KNOW.

695
00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:17,242
THE ROLL IS HARDER THAN THE DEEP

696
00:31:17,242 --> 00:31:17,876
TISSUE, DAVID.

697
00:31:17,943 --> 00:31:19,678
IT'S HEADED STRAIGHT FOR MY BIG

698
00:31:19,678 --> 00:31:20,078
KNOT, DAVID.

699
00:31:20,145 --> 00:31:22,214
I'M SCARED, DAVID!

700
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:22,614
[ LAUGHTER ]

701
00:31:22,748 --> 00:31:23,181
>> BE BRAVE, PATRICK.

702
00:31:23,181 --> 00:31:25,584
>> DAVID!

703
00:31:25,584 --> 00:31:30,689
OOHHHH!

704
00:31:30,689 --> 00:31:31,723
OOH!

705
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:36,495
[ LAUGHTER ]

706
00:31:36,495 --> 00:31:36,828
OOOHHH!

707
00:31:37,195 --> 00:31:39,131
>> NO, NO, I'M NOT MAKING THOSE

708
00:31:39,131 --> 00:31:39,464
SOUNDS.

709
00:31:39,831 --> 00:31:41,500
IT'S TWO MEN IN MASSAGE CHAIRS.

710
00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:44,736
>> OOHHHH!

711
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:45,137
[ LAUGHTER ]

712
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:45,871
>> I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, WHAT

713
00:31:45,871 --> 00:31:48,673
DID YOU SAY?

714
00:31:48,673 --> 00:31:49,441
SO IS HE RESPONSIVE OR NO?

715
00:31:49,441 --> 00:31:56,248
>> OH, MY GOD!

716
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:56,648
AAHHHH!

717
00:31:56,748 --> 00:31:58,483
>> OOH, HELL, YEAH.

718
00:31:58,483 --> 00:31:58,984
>> YES!

719
00:31:58,984 --> 00:32:00,185
>> HEY, HEY.

720
00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:00,819
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

721
00:32:00,819 --> 00:32:04,089
[ LAUGHTER ]

722
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:06,124
WITH YOUR PORNO MOANS?

723
00:32:06,124 --> 00:32:07,058
THIS IS THE DENVER AIRPORT, NOT

724
00:32:07,058 --> 00:32:08,126
A BEDROOM.

725
00:32:08,126 --> 00:32:09,861
>> WELL, I WASN'T EVEN AWARE I

726
00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:11,029
WAS MAKING SOUNDS.

727
00:32:11,029 --> 00:32:11,663
I APOLOGIZE.

728
00:32:11,663 --> 00:32:12,264
>> OOH!

729
00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:14,599
OOH!

730
00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:16,968
>> WE'RE ON A WORK TRIP.

731
00:32:16,968 --> 00:32:18,937
WE'VE BEEN ON CRAMPED REGIONAL

732
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,839
CONNECTING FLIGHTS ALL DAY, SIR.

733
00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:24,176
>> WE DID BOSTON TO PITTSBURGH.

734
00:32:24,176 --> 00:32:25,710
>> MMH!

735
00:32:25,710 --> 00:32:26,812
>> PITTSBURGH TO PROVIDENCE.

736
00:32:26,812 --> 00:32:27,145
>> MMH!

737
00:32:27,379 --> 00:32:30,715
>> PROVIDENCE TO DENVER.

738
00:32:30,715 --> 00:32:32,751
OUR LAST ONE IS DENVER TO TAMPA

739
00:32:32,751 --> 00:32:33,051
BAY.

740
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:33,985
>> THAT'S THE WORST ROUTE I'VE

741
00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:34,553
EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

742
00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:37,122
[ LAUGHTER ]

743
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:38,957
LOOK, YOU CAN ENJOY THE CHAIRS.

744
00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:40,025
JUST STOP THE MOANING.

745
00:32:40,025 --> 00:32:41,326
WE'RE GETTING COMPLAINTS FROM

746
00:32:41,326 --> 00:32:42,260
THE WOMEN IN THE WEIRD

747
00:32:42,260 --> 00:32:42,828
BREASTFEEDING CHAIRS.

748
00:32:42,828 --> 00:32:45,063
[ LAUGHTER ]

749
00:32:45,063 --> 00:32:47,566
>> DAVID, DAVID, IT'S -- IT'S

750
00:32:47,566 --> 00:32:48,200
CHANGING TO CHOP, DAVID!

751
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,103
>> OOH!

752
00:32:52,103 --> 00:32:52,838
OOH!

753
00:32:52,838 --> 00:32:53,572
HELL, YEAH!

754
00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:54,539
>> YES.

755
00:32:54,539 --> 00:32:56,208
>> OH GOD, YEAH!

756
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:58,109
>> OH, OH, DAVID, DAVID!

757
00:32:58,109 --> 00:32:58,810
IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S TOO MUCH

758
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:01,112
FOR ME!

759
00:33:01,112 --> 00:33:01,513
[ LAUGHTER ]

760
00:33:01,580 --> 00:33:03,582
DAVID, LOOK AT ME!

761
00:33:03,582 --> 00:33:04,349
>> I CAN'T, PATRICK.

762
00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:06,284
>> LOOK AT ME IN THE EYE, DAVID!

763
00:33:06,284 --> 00:33:06,852
>> I CAN'T, PATRICK.

764
00:33:06,852 --> 00:33:07,853
>> LOOK AT ME, DAVID!

765
00:33:07,853 --> 00:33:10,155
>> I CAN'T.

766
00:33:10,155 --> 00:33:10,856
>> DAVID, IT'S GOING TO BREAK

767
00:33:10,856 --> 00:33:14,326
ME!

768
00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:14,626
AGHH!

769
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,294
>> LET IT BREAK YOU, PATRICK.

770
00:33:16,294 --> 00:33:17,762
>> OKAY, CAN YOU LOWER THE

771
00:33:17,762 --> 00:33:18,630
VOLUME, PLEASE?

772
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:19,664
THE HOSPITAL HUNG UP ON ME

773
00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,199
BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WAS

774
00:33:21,199 --> 00:33:21,733
HAVING SEX.

775
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:22,934
>> YEAH, AND WE WEREN'T, AND WE

776
00:33:22,934 --> 00:33:23,468
HAVEN'T IN A WHILE.

777
00:33:23,468 --> 00:33:26,838
[ LAUGHTER ]

778
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:27,572
SORRY, MAN, WE'RE JUST RELIEVING

779
00:33:27,572 --> 00:33:30,976
TENSION.

780
00:33:30,976 --> 00:33:33,078
AH, DAVID WHAT INTENSITY SETTING

781
00:33:33,078 --> 00:33:33,778
ARE YOU ON?

782
00:33:33,778 --> 00:33:38,650
>> UGH -- HARD -- DADDY.

783
00:33:38,650 --> 00:33:39,451
HARD DADDY.

784
00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:39,918
WHAT ABOUT YOU?

785
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:45,357
>> I DON'T KNOW, DAVID.

786
00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:46,558
I THINK MINE'S HIGHER.

787
00:33:46,558 --> 00:33:47,158
IT SAYS PRISON BEATING.

788
00:33:47,158 --> 00:33:48,226
[ LAUGHTER ]

789
00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:48,493
OH!

790
00:33:48,493 --> 00:33:49,427
DAVID!

791
00:33:49,427 --> 00:33:50,729
DAVID!

792
00:33:50,729 --> 00:33:51,997
DAVID!

793
00:33:51,997 --> 00:33:53,198
DAVID!

794
00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,467
DAVID!

795
00:33:55,467 --> 00:33:56,001
>> DON'T TOUCH ME.

796
00:33:56,001 --> 00:33:57,402
>> DAVID!

797
00:33:57,402 --> 00:34:03,041
DAVID!

798
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:03,341
AGHH!

799
00:34:03,341 --> 00:34:03,608
OH!

800
00:34:03,608 --> 00:34:03,875
AGH!

801
00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:04,142
WOW.

802
00:34:04,242 --> 00:34:05,477
[ LAUGHTER ]

803
00:34:05,477 --> 00:34:08,446
WOW.

804
00:34:08,446 --> 00:34:08,914
>> WHOO.

805
00:34:09,047 --> 00:34:12,417
>> HOW DO YOU FEEL, DAVID?

806
00:34:12,417 --> 00:34:12,918
>> TURNED OUT.

807
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,753
>> YOU BOTH ARE DISGUSTING.

808
00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:17,055
>> DISGUSTING?

809
00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:17,622
IT'S A MASSAGE.

810
00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:19,958
IT'S NOT SEXUAL.

811
00:34:19,958 --> 00:34:20,558
>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

812
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:24,229
GET UP.

813
00:34:24,229 --> 00:34:26,197
>> AT LEAST WAIT FOR OUR

814
00:34:26,197 --> 00:34:27,232
ERECTIONS TO GO DOWN.

815
00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:27,632
[ LAUGHTER ]

816
00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:33,939
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

817
00:34:46,418 --> 00:34:50,388
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
KATSEYE

818
00:34:50,388 --> 00:34:55,627
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

819
00:34:55,627 --> 00:34:56,361
♪ MM-MM

820
00:34:56,361 --> 00:34:57,128
YOU'RE THE BOSS

821
00:34:57,128 --> 00:34:58,096
YOU RUN THE CIRCUS BABY ♪

822
00:34:58,096 --> 00:34:59,097
♪ TAKE IT UP A NOTCH

823
00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:00,365
YOU'RE SO SOPHISTICATED ♪

824
00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:01,366
♪ DON'T WANNA BE

825
00:35:01,366 --> 00:35:02,367
ON A SCHEDULE

826
00:35:02,367 --> 00:35:03,635
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN TIME

827
00:35:03,635 --> 00:35:07,105
MM-MM ♪

828
00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:08,139
♪ OFF THE SCALE THAT GOES

829
00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:10,375
FROM HOT TO CRAZY ♪

830
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:11,376
♪ FINGERNAILS ONE TWO THREE

831
00:35:11,376 --> 00:35:13,878
COLORS PAINTED

832
00:35:13,878 --> 00:35:14,846
CROP TOP AND BAGGY JEANS

833
00:35:14,846 --> 00:35:16,848
HOLDING YOUR WAISTLINE ♪

834
00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,851
♪ MM-MM ♪

835
00:35:19,851 --> 00:35:21,620
♪ YOU MAKE THE LIGHT

836
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,620
AND THE SHADOWS COLLIDE

837
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:23,622
YOUR BODY GETS TWISTED

838
00:35:23,622 --> 00:35:25,156
AND TANGLED IN MINE ♪

839
00:35:25,156 --> 00:35:27,125
♪ LOVE SO GOOD

840
00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:28,860
HOW COULD THIS BE FREE

841
00:35:28,860 --> 00:35:29,628
I KEEP YOUR SECRET

842
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:30,595
SAFE WITH ME ♪

843
00:35:30,595 --> 00:35:32,364
♪ MM-MM ♪

844
00:35:32,364 --> 00:35:33,365
♪ NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE

845
00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:34,866
OUTTA CONTROL

846
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:36,101
BUT I SEE A SIDE BEHIND

847
00:35:36,101 --> 00:35:38,370
THE CLOSED DOORS ♪

848
00:35:38,370 --> 00:35:39,871
♪ THEY GET A GLIMPSE HERE

849
00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:41,339
ON THE DANCE FLOOR

850
00:35:41,339 --> 00:35:42,607
YOU MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL

851
00:35:42,607 --> 00:35:45,110
MM-MM ♪

852
00:35:45,110 --> 00:35:45,844
♪ NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE

853
00:35:45,844 --> 00:35:47,846
OUTTA CONTROL

854
00:35:47,846 --> 00:35:48,847
BUT I SEE A SIDE BEHIND

855
00:35:48,847 --> 00:35:51,616
THE CLOSED DOORS ♪

856
00:35:51,616 --> 00:35:52,617
♪ THEY GET A GLIMPSE HERE

857
00:35:52,617 --> 00:35:54,119
ON THE DANCE FLOOR

858
00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:55,620
YOU MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL

859
00:35:55,620 --> 00:35:59,357
MM-MM ♪

860
00:35:59,357 --> 00:36:01,626
♪ I'LL BE GONE BY MORNING

861
00:36:01,626 --> 00:36:02,360
SO GETCHA GETCHA HEELS

862
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,629
ON THE FLOOR THEN ♪

863
00:36:04,629 --> 00:36:06,364
♪ SO ARE YOU WITH ME

864
00:36:06,364 --> 00:36:07,098
ARE YOU WITH ME ♪

865
00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:07,832
♪ BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU'RE

866
00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:08,867
WISHING FOR 'CAUSE

867
00:36:08,867 --> 00:36:10,101
I GET FREAKY

868
00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:11,102
MM-MM ♪

869
00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:12,137
♪ YOU MAKE THE LIGHT

870
00:36:12,137 --> 00:36:13,104
AND THE SHADOWS COLLIDE

871
00:36:13,104 --> 00:36:13,872
OOH ♪

872
00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:14,606
♪ YOUR BODY GETS TWISTED

873
00:36:14,606 --> 00:36:15,373
AND TANGLED IN MINE

874
00:36:15,373 --> 00:36:17,108
OOH ♪

875
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:18,343
♪ LOVE SO GOOD

876
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:19,344
HOW COULD THIS BE FREE

877
00:36:19,344 --> 00:36:20,345
I KEEP YOUR SECRET

878
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:22,113
SAFE WITH ME ♪

879
00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:23,848
♪ MM-MM ♪

880
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,116
♪ NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE

881
00:36:25,116 --> 00:36:26,384
OUTTA CONTROL

882
00:36:26,384 --> 00:36:27,385
BUT I SEE A SIDE BEHIND

883
00:36:27,385 --> 00:36:29,587
THE CLOSED DOORS ♪

884
00:36:29,587 --> 00:36:30,588
♪ THEY GET A GLIMPSE HERE

885
00:36:30,588 --> 00:36:32,090
ON THE DANCE FLOOR

886
00:36:32,090 --> 00:36:33,858
YOU MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL

887
00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:36,127
MM-MM ♪

888
00:36:36,127 --> 00:36:37,128
♪ NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE

889
00:36:37,128 --> 00:36:38,863
OUTTA CONTROL

890
00:36:38,863 --> 00:36:39,864
BUT I SEE A SIDE BEHIND

891
00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:42,100
THE CLOSED DOORS ♪

892
00:36:42,100 --> 00:36:43,368
♪ THEY GET A GLIMPSE HERE

893
00:36:43,368 --> 00:36:45,370
ON THE DANCE FLOOR

894
00:36:45,370 --> 00:36:47,105
YOU MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL

895
00:36:47,105 --> 00:36:50,875
MM-MM ♪

896
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:53,611
♪ I'M GETTIN' OVERWHELMED

897
00:36:53,611 --> 00:36:56,614
R-R-RIGHT NOW

898
00:36:56,614 --> 00:36:59,150
WANT YOU TO GIVE IT TO ME

899
00:36:59,150 --> 00:37:00,118
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪

900
00:37:00,118 --> 00:37:00,885
♪ MM-MM

901
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:01,853
WHOO ♪

902
00:37:01,853 --> 00:37:02,887
♪ NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE

903
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:04,622
OUTTA CONTROL

904
00:37:04,622 --> 00:37:05,356
NOBODY KNOWS ♪

905
00:37:05,356 --> 00:37:06,357
♪ BUT I SEE A SIDE BEHIND

906
00:37:06,357 --> 00:37:07,625
THE CLOSED DOORS ♪

907
00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:08,593
♪ THEY GET A GLIMPSE HERE

908
00:37:08,593 --> 00:37:11,362
ON THE DANCE FLOOR

909
00:37:11,362 --> 00:37:12,363
YOU MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL

910
00:37:12,363 --> 00:37:14,365
MM-MM ♪

911
00:37:14,365 --> 00:37:15,633
♪ NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE

912
00:37:15,633 --> 00:37:17,368
OUTTA CONTROL

913
00:37:17,368 --> 00:37:18,369
BUT I SEE A SIDE BEHIND

914
00:37:18,369 --> 00:37:19,637
THE CLOSED DOORS ♪

915
00:37:19,637 --> 00:37:20,872
♪ THEY GET A GLIMPSE HERE

916
00:37:20,872 --> 00:37:23,141
ON THE DANCE FLOOR

917
00:37:23,141 --> 00:37:23,842
YOU MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL

918
00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:27,812
MM-MM ♪

919
00:37:27,812 --> 00:37:38,690
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

920
00:37:49,134 --> 00:37:50,935
It's Weekend Update with

921
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:53,938
Colin Jost and Michael Che.

922
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:02,313
Thank you.

923
00:38:02,714 --> 00:38:03,982
Thank you.

924
00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:05,817
Thank you.

925
00:38:05,817 --> 00:38:07,252
Thank you very much.

926
00:38:07,252 --> 00:38:09,020
Thank you.
Good evening everyone.

927
00:38:09,020 --> 00:38:10,588
Welcome to Weekend update I'm
Michael Che.

928
00:38:10,588 --> 00:38:14,325
I'm Colin Jost.

929
00:38:14,325 --> 00:38:15,093
Well,

930
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:18,263
well on Thursday, Chinese
President XI Jinping

931
00:38:18,263 --> 00:38:21,566
arrived in DC for a state visit,
and President Trump

932
00:38:21,566 --> 00:38:25,236
drove to meet him at the airport
like a boyfriend with no job.

933
00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:28,706
Then Trump ordered military

934
00:38:28,706 --> 00:38:31,976
jets to do a flyover to Project
American strength.

935
00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:35,013
Let's see how that went.

936
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,754
I don't know
if he projected strength,

937
00:38:42,754 --> 00:38:46,524
but it looks like he projected
something.

938
00:38:46,524 --> 00:38:48,193
President XI also announced

939
00:38:48,193 --> 00:38:51,496
that China would be gifting
America two giant pandas.

940
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,532
The pandas will be sent to live
in the research lab

941
00:38:54,532 --> 00:38:58,503
at at Antropic

942
00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:00,638
The president of Iran addressed
the U.N.

943
00:39:00,638 --> 00:39:04,142
General Assembly and accused
the United States of terrorism

944
00:39:04,142 --> 00:39:06,778
as ridiculous. Americans
don't do terrorism.

945
00:39:06,778 --> 00:39:10,648
We do isolated acts
of mental illness with a gun.

946
00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:14,219
Prime Minister
Benjamin Netanyahu addressed

947
00:39:14,219 --> 00:39:16,387
an almost empty chamber
at the U.N.

948
00:39:16,387 --> 00:39:17,422
after delegates

949
00:39:17,422 --> 00:39:21,159
walked out in protest over
Israel's war in Gaza.

950
00:39:21,159 --> 00:39:23,928
I guess wherever Netanyahu
shows up, there's going to be

951
00:39:23,928 --> 00:39:28,633
some relocating.

952
00:39:28,633 --> 00:39:32,670
Now, why did I think that end
in a laugh?

953
00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:35,206
Well, addressing
a crowd of college students,

954
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:38,543
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth
laid out his new vision

955
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:41,512
for the military.

956
00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:52,257
Though.

957
00:39:52,257 --> 00:39:55,426
You could have just stopped
after the first part.

958
00:39:55,426 --> 00:39:58,296
Why were you even thinking
about that, bud?

959
00:39:58,296 --> 00:40:00,331
This phrase
sounds like something he repeats

960
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:03,334
to stop himself from having
uncomfortable fantasies.

961
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:10,708
The white House
responded to major news networks

962
00:40:10,708 --> 00:40:13,044
canceling
coverage of President Trump

963
00:40:13,044 --> 00:40:15,914
by launching a live stream
called Trump TV.

964
00:40:15,914 --> 00:40:18,983
But if that's Trump TV, then
what the hell is Paramount plus?

965
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,256
A video? Oh,

966
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:27,592
they're on board now called

967
00:40:27,592 --> 00:40:30,428
a video was posted of
Senator Mitch McConnell

968
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:32,597
returning to
his Washington, D.C.

969
00:40:32,597 --> 00:40:36,534
home and giving reporters
the symbol to show

970
00:40:36,534 --> 00:40:39,537
what he refuses to rest in.

971
00:40:43,541 --> 00:40:45,276
Kamala
Harris has reportedly offered

972
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,345
to campaign
with Democratic candidates

973
00:40:47,345 --> 00:40:49,881
before the midterms,
because there's still time

974
00:40:49,881 --> 00:40:52,884
for Democrats
to blow this thing.

975
00:40:53,985 --> 00:40:56,254
Rapper Macklemore,
who was dropped

976
00:40:56,254 --> 00:40:59,257
as the opening act for Ed
Sheeran, announced that he is

977
00:40:59,257 --> 00:41:02,260
launching a Free Palestine tour.

978
00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:06,964
But haven't
the Palestinian people

979
00:41:06,964 --> 00:41:09,968
been through enough?

980
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,176
Louisiana Senator
John Kennedy said at an event

981
00:41:18,176 --> 00:41:22,313
in Nebraska that he loved
Nebraska more than sex.

982
00:41:22,313 --> 00:41:24,882
Yeah, because he doesn't need
four different pills to have

983
00:41:24,882 --> 00:41:28,119
Nebraska.

984
00:41:28,119 --> 00:41:29,287
Donald Trump unveiled

985
00:41:29,287 --> 00:41:33,057
a new helipad in the South
Lawn of the white House.

986
00:41:33,057 --> 00:41:36,361
Before that, he had to board
helicopters like this. And.

987
00:41:43,301 --> 00:41:47,305
Like a cow.

988
00:41:47,305 --> 00:41:49,974
Prime Minister Benjamin
Netanyahu posted a video

989
00:41:49,974 --> 00:41:51,609
attacking Zoran Mamdani,

990
00:41:51,609 --> 00:41:55,012
calling him the antisemitic
mayor of New York.

991
00:41:55,012 --> 00:41:58,016
Worst subway take ever.

992
00:41:59,951 --> 00:42:03,421
As their CEO, Dario, I'm a day.

993
00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:05,723
I recently stumbled
through a press tour

994
00:42:05,723 --> 00:42:09,460
where he agreed with the former
anthropic employees claim

995
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:11,129
that there's a 10% chance

996
00:42:11,129 --> 00:42:14,332
of AI wiping out humanity
within ten years.

997
00:42:14,332 --> 00:42:17,335
Here to comment is anthropic CVO
CEO Dario.

998
00:42:17,335 --> 00:42:20,338
I'm a day.

999
00:42:23,274 --> 00:42:24,375
You know,

1000
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:27,745
you know, you know,
thanks for having me, Michael.

1001
00:42:27,745 --> 00:42:28,846
I may have been alarming

1002
00:42:28,846 --> 00:42:31,249
in my recent interviews,
but I want to assure you

1003
00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:34,252
that if we can pressure
lawmakers to create guardrails,

1004
00:42:34,252 --> 00:42:37,255
we will be able to stop me.

1005
00:42:38,423 --> 00:42:39,991
Dario, can you just explain

1006
00:42:39,991 --> 00:42:42,493
how your company
isn't going to kill us?

1007
00:42:42,493 --> 00:42:45,897
So, so, so true.

1008
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:51,035
So, so so that's a really hard
question.

1009
00:42:51,769 --> 00:42:53,905
It shouldn't be. You know.

1010
00:42:55,973 --> 00:42:57,308
Anon Dario.

1011
00:42:57,308 --> 00:43:00,411
Come on Dario you can do this

1012
00:43:00,411 --> 00:43:03,748
I got just to reassure them.

1013
00:43:03,748 --> 00:43:05,550
Oh well

1014
00:43:05,550 --> 00:43:07,785
I it's the devil
and I, it's maker.

1015
00:43:07,785 --> 00:43:09,654
What.

1016
00:43:09,654 --> 00:43:12,190
No. Well so look

1017
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:15,059
Sam Altman myself,
all the major AI players,

1018
00:43:15,059 --> 00:43:16,961
we've
talked about this extensively

1019
00:43:16,961 --> 00:43:18,930
and we are all on the same page
here.

1020
00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:21,933
We do not condone
what we are doing.

1021
00:43:23,167 --> 00:43:25,102
Shouldn't you be talking about
the pros of AI?

1022
00:43:25,102 --> 00:43:26,137
I mean, don't
you guys keep saying

1023
00:43:26,137 --> 00:43:28,339
that it's going to cure cancer?
Yeah.

1024
00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:30,341
So put it this way.

1025
00:43:30,341 --> 00:43:32,877
In ten years,
there's about a 10% chance

1026
00:43:32,877 --> 00:43:35,880
that cancer will be a problem
for anyone.

1027
00:43:36,914 --> 00:43:39,717
I don't like the way
you're saying that, buddy.

1028
00:43:39,717 --> 00:43:41,385
I mean,
how is this a good thing?

1029
00:43:41,385 --> 00:43:44,122
Look, So, Trey, it's simple.

1030
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:46,657
If you could drink a milk
that major in life easier.

1031
00:43:46,657 --> 00:43:48,926
But there was a 10% chance
it killed you.

1032
00:43:48,926 --> 00:43:50,962
Would you drink the milk? No.

1033
00:43:51,929 --> 00:43:54,899
Really? Yes.

1034
00:43:54,899 --> 00:43:56,934
Well, what if there was a button
that when you push it,

1035
00:43:56,934 --> 00:43:58,402
everyone dies?

1036
00:43:58,402 --> 00:43:59,470
Would you push the button?

1037
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:01,072
No. Really.

1038
00:44:01,072 --> 00:44:03,541
Dario, are you okay?

1039
00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:06,544
I'm sort of blacking out
every time I talk.

1040
00:44:06,611 --> 00:44:08,179
I'd love to start this interview
over.

1041
00:44:08,179 --> 00:44:11,983
Or better yet,
you know, my whole life.

1042
00:44:11,983 --> 00:44:12,383
All right.

1043
00:44:12,783 --> 00:44:15,353
Just tell us
what are the pros of AI.

1044
00:44:15,353 --> 00:44:17,722
All right,
let's head to the plane.

1045
00:44:17,722 --> 00:44:21,058
Dario, I thought you can.

1046
00:44:21,058 --> 00:44:23,895
We can hear you. Dario.

1047
00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:25,496
No one can hear you.

1048
00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:27,164
Dario.

1049
00:44:27,164 --> 00:44:29,433
Say something reassuring.

1050
00:44:29,433 --> 00:44:30,801
What?

1051
00:44:30,801 --> 00:44:32,537
Try the milk thing.

1052
00:44:32,537 --> 00:44:35,139
I already can.

1053
00:44:35,139 --> 00:44:37,074
Then try this.

1054
00:44:37,074 --> 00:44:39,410
AI is not a weapon. It's a tool.

1055
00:44:39,410 --> 00:44:40,912
A tool for building weapons.

1056
00:44:40,912 --> 00:44:44,515
And I urge you to urge me
to stop.

1057
00:44:44,515 --> 00:44:46,284
Dario. I'm a day, everybody.

1058
00:44:46,284 --> 00:44:48,286
This goes
all the way to the top.

1059
00:44:53,024 --> 00:44:56,227
Former Homeland Secretary Kristi
Noem posted a picture

1060
00:44:56,227 --> 00:44:59,230
of an enormous elk she killed
during a hunting trip,

1061
00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:02,300
where she killed the elk
by shooting her dog at it.

1062
00:45:06,270 --> 00:45:07,672
It's a really funny picture.

1063
00:45:07,672 --> 00:45:11,642
Starbucks has released a new
drink inspired by Charlie Brown,

1064
00:45:11,642 --> 00:45:14,445
because the barista left
one little curly hair on

1065
00:45:14,445 --> 00:45:17,448
top of it.

1066
00:45:19,317 --> 00:45:21,719
They're not going to like
this one.

1067
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,289
Critics have a new Hanukkah
themed Barbie doll are upset

1068
00:45:25,289 --> 00:45:28,793
that the doll appears
to have a larger gnome

1069
00:45:28,793 --> 00:45:30,528
than other Barbies.

1070
00:45:30,528 --> 00:45:32,330
They're also not thrilled
about Hanukkah.

1071
00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:35,333
Barbie's West Bank dream House.

1072
00:45:40,104 --> 00:45:43,441
We're back!

1073
00:45:43,441 --> 00:45:46,844
Meta has introduced
a new AI agent called moose,

1074
00:45:46,844 --> 00:45:50,181
which appears as a cuddly doll
with a friendly smile

1075
00:45:50,181 --> 00:45:53,184
but the same cold, dead
eyes of its father.

1076
00:45:58,022 --> 00:46:01,325
A white woman in Pennsylvania
who is a teacher admitted that

1077
00:46:01,325 --> 00:46:02,760
she's been lying for years

1078
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,763
about having Palestinian
and Black heritage.

1079
00:46:05,796 --> 00:46:07,698
Also,
she's not from Pennsylvania

1080
00:46:07,698 --> 00:46:09,533
and she's
not a woman. And it's me.

1081
00:46:16,007 --> 00:46:17,541
For a record 23rd.

1082
00:46:17,541 --> 00:46:18,442
Wait, the number one

1083
00:46:18,676 --> 00:46:22,813
song in the country was Ella
Langley's Chosen Texas Rap.

1084
00:46:22,813 --> 00:46:25,816
The Texas band choosing.

1085
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,623
They're going to write about US
culture.

1086
00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:35,092
It was reported that
a new billion dollar industry

1087
00:46:35,092 --> 00:46:36,294
could be carriers,

1088
00:46:36,294 --> 00:46:39,330
which are cages
that allow cats to go outside.

1089
00:46:39,330 --> 00:46:42,600
Carriers were famously featured
on our show ten minutes ago.

1090
00:46:48,039 --> 00:46:50,408
Yeah.

1091
00:46:50,408 --> 00:46:52,076
According to a recent survey,

1092
00:46:52,076 --> 00:46:56,314
almost 20% of Gen
Z have never had sex.

1093
00:46:56,314 --> 00:46:59,316
Despite my best efforts.

1094
00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:05,022
This summer broke

1095
00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:08,192
the record for the highest
grossing box office in history.

1096
00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:11,228
Here, to give his thoughts on
some of its biggest blockbusters

1097
00:47:11,228 --> 00:47:14,231
is conservative
commentator Tucker Carlson.

1098
00:47:18,202 --> 00:47:20,838
Thank you for calling.

1099
00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:22,740
It's movie time.

1100
00:47:22,740 --> 00:47:24,308
Let's find our seats.

1101
00:47:24,308 --> 00:47:28,579
Silence our cell phones
and abandon Christian values.

1102
00:47:28,579 --> 00:47:32,983
Of course, I'm talking about
Paw Patrol, the dino movie.

1103
00:47:32,983 --> 00:47:34,385
So let me get this right.

1104
00:47:34,385 --> 00:47:36,287
They say Jesus
didn't live at the same time.

1105
00:47:36,287 --> 00:47:40,124
It's the dinosaurs.
But paw Patrol did.

1106
00:47:40,124 --> 00:47:41,592
What are we doing?

1107
00:47:41,592 --> 00:47:43,894
What's going on?

1108
00:47:43,894 --> 00:47:45,262
All right. Tucker.

1109
00:47:45,262 --> 00:47:47,498
What did you see this summer?
How about the Odyssey?

1110
00:47:47,498 --> 00:47:51,102
Oh, yes, the Odyssey in Imax,
70 millimeter.

1111
00:47:51,102 --> 00:47:52,103
That's right.

1112
00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:53,471
The Hollywood cabal shoots.

1113
00:47:53,471 --> 00:47:55,439
It's filled with millimeters.

1114
00:47:55,439 --> 00:47:58,442
Or, as
I like to call it, the gay inch.

1115
00:48:02,813 --> 00:48:04,849
What?

1116
00:48:04,849 --> 00:48:05,382
Oh, no.

1117
00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:06,851
I like the Odyssey.

1118
00:48:06,851 --> 00:48:09,053
It's so nice to see Greek
people do something

1119
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:11,122
other than make women
feel uncomfortable.

1120
00:48:11,122 --> 00:48:13,858
Okay, okay.

1121
00:48:13,858 --> 00:48:15,559
All right. That's just.

1122
00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:18,129
No. Okay. What up?

1123
00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:18,863
All right.

1124
00:48:18,863 --> 00:48:21,732
What about. No. Down.

1125
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,900
What about Spider-Man?

1126
00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:24,101
It was the biggest movie
this summer.

1127
00:48:24,101 --> 00:48:24,802
Oh, yes.

1128
00:48:24,802 --> 00:48:26,670
Everybody loves Spider-Man.

1129
00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:28,072
Brand new gender.

1130
00:48:28,072 --> 00:48:31,275
No, that is not what it's
called.

1131
00:48:31,275 --> 00:48:36,747
Spider is a spider, then uses
whatever bathroom it feels like.

1132
00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:40,351
Oh. Come on.

1133
00:48:40,351 --> 00:48:41,752
Come on, man. And.

1134
00:48:41,752 --> 00:48:44,722
Oh, Colin,
did you hear the news?

1135
00:48:44,722 --> 00:48:47,558
Tom Holland
and Zendaya are married.

1136
00:48:47,558 --> 00:48:49,493
I now pronounce stop.

1137
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:53,497
I now pronounce you Mr.

1138
00:48:53,497 --> 00:48:56,400
and Mrs..

1139
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:00,337
She refused to take his last
name. Yes.

1140
00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:02,139
And it doesn't have a last name.

1141
00:49:02,139 --> 00:49:04,341
But where did it go?

1142
00:49:04,341 --> 00:49:07,077
And who took it and why?

1143
00:49:07,077 --> 00:49:08,179
Sorry, kids.

1144
00:49:08,179 --> 00:49:09,847
You don't get to names anymore.

1145
00:49:09,847 --> 00:49:13,150
You only get one name
like a dog.

1146
00:49:13,150 --> 00:49:14,218
That's the rule.

1147
00:49:14,218 --> 00:49:17,655
That's the goal. Now.

1148
00:49:17,655 --> 00:49:19,390
Hell are you talking about?

1149
00:49:19,390 --> 00:49:20,558
Did you like obsession?

1150
00:49:20,558 --> 00:49:22,026
Oh, yes. Obsession.

1151
00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:22,426
The last

1152
00:49:23,260 --> 00:49:27,198
idea of a horror movie is that a
woman is forced to love a man.

1153
00:49:27,198 --> 00:49:28,599
Oh, no! Help!

1154
00:49:28,599 --> 00:49:33,704
I'm being chased
by a heterosexual relationship.

1155
00:49:33,704 --> 00:49:35,039
Is this what we want?

1156
00:49:35,039 --> 00:49:37,241
I don't do you.

1157
00:49:37,241 --> 00:49:40,211
You shouldn't. But you do.

1158
00:49:40,211 --> 00:49:43,214
Why is that allowed?

1159
00:49:43,214 --> 00:49:45,416
Maybe.

1160
00:49:45,416 --> 00:49:48,652
What are you talking about?

1161
00:49:48,652 --> 00:49:50,988
I've lost my train of thought.

1162
00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:54,191
But where did it go? Why?

1163
00:49:54,191 --> 00:49:56,560
Stop asking yourself questions.

1164
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:57,661
Okay, fine.

1165
00:49:57,661 --> 00:50:00,631
It was also a big summer
for minions and monsters.

1166
00:50:00,631 --> 00:50:03,267
And no, I'm not talking
about the children's film.

1167
00:50:03,267 --> 00:50:05,569
I'm talking
about the Trump cabinet.

1168
00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:10,140
That's right.

1169
00:50:10,140 --> 00:50:11,675
I've turned on Trump.

1170
00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:12,910
I'm so brave.

1171
00:50:12,910 --> 00:50:16,280
You're you're you're
you're definitely not.

1172
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,183
Finally. Toy story five. What?

1173
00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:20,818
Let me understand this.

1174
00:50:20,818 --> 00:50:24,455
You've got a friend in me,

1175
00:50:24,455 --> 00:50:28,359
and his name is Woody.

1176
00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:31,128
Tucker Carlson, everyone.

1177
00:50:31,128 --> 00:50:33,797
For Weekend Update, I'm
Colin Jost, I'm Michael che.

1178
00:50:33,797 --> 00:50:37,001
Good. Good night.

1179
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:51,348
Thanks
for coming in, Miss Daniels. Hi.

1180
00:50:51,348 --> 00:50:52,716
Oh, of course, Mr. Roth.

1181
00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:54,084
Is everything all right
with Liam?

1182
00:50:54,084 --> 00:50:55,252
Oh, yeah. More than all right.

1183
00:50:55,252 --> 00:50:58,155
Actually, Liam is crushing
the second grade.

1184
00:50:58,155 --> 00:50:59,189
I actually had a few ideas

1185
00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:01,525
for how we might challenge him
even more.

1186
00:51:01,525 --> 00:51:03,827
Oh. That's great.

1187
00:51:03,827 --> 00:51:04,161
Sorry.

1188
00:51:04,895 --> 00:51:06,430
I just think it might be helpful
if all the adults in

1189
00:51:06,430 --> 00:51:08,299
our household were present
for the conversation.

1190
00:51:08,299 --> 00:51:10,768
Is that okay?
Oh my God, yes, by all means.

1191
00:51:10,768 --> 00:51:11,201
Okay.

1192
00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:14,204
All right, come in.

1193
00:51:15,639 --> 00:51:17,341
Hello.

1194
00:51:17,341 --> 00:51:21,178
My name is Marie,
and I'm Lulu Jones.

1195
00:51:21,178 --> 00:51:24,048
Sorry to be tardy for the party.

1196
00:51:24,048 --> 00:51:27,584
Maurice and Lulu
are my central support system,

1197
00:51:30,621 --> 00:51:32,556
Oh, great.

1198
00:51:32,556 --> 00:51:35,559
Nice. Nice to meet you both.

1199
00:51:35,559 --> 00:51:37,127
I love the artwork.

1200
00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:38,662
Did you do it yourself?

1201
00:51:38,662 --> 00:51:41,599
The children's drawings?

1202
00:51:41,599 --> 00:51:46,570
No. Look, I know our situation
is a bit unconventional.

1203
00:51:46,570 --> 00:51:47,972
I hope you don't mind.

1204
00:51:47,972 --> 00:51:50,107
Oh, yeah. I mean, no judgment
here.

1205
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:51,008
Liam's doing great.

1206
00:51:51,008 --> 00:51:53,877
So whatever you're doing
is working fine.

1207
00:51:53,877 --> 00:51:56,880
And, just to be clear,
we're not poly.

1208
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,149
Oh, no. No,
nothing poly about us.

1209
00:51:59,149 --> 00:52:00,317
Wendell and Gwendolyn.

1210
00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:00,918
Lulu, they.

1211
00:52:01,185 --> 00:52:03,854
You know,
they date me separately. Yes.

1212
00:52:03,854 --> 00:52:06,857
You see, this here
love triangle.

1213
00:52:06,857 --> 00:52:08,258
It's a isosceles

1214
00:52:08,258 --> 00:52:09,827
Yeah, yeah.

1215
00:52:09,827 --> 00:52:11,528
See, Wendelin, I touched her,

1216
00:52:11,528 --> 00:52:15,699
but we do not touch each other
on account of us being cousins.

1217
00:52:15,699 --> 00:52:17,134
Okay. Yeah.

1218
00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,869
I don't need all the details.

1219
00:52:18,869 --> 00:52:21,372
Oh, well, here's
how it works, Playboy.

1220
00:52:21,372 --> 00:52:23,674
During sexy time,
we turn the lights off

1221
00:52:23,674 --> 00:52:25,175
and use a chess clock.

1222
00:52:25,175 --> 00:52:28,145
And when he hits his button,
I go crazy to my time.

1223
00:52:28,145 --> 00:52:30,280
Is up. Yeah, yeah.

1224
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,516
And then, vice and Versace
and so on and so forth.

1225
00:52:34,251 --> 00:52:35,986
Cool.

1226
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:38,088
So anyway, back to your son,
Liam.

1227
00:52:38,088 --> 00:52:38,689
I actually think

1228
00:52:39,123 --> 00:52:40,924
you'd be a great candidate
for the gifted program.

1229
00:52:40,924 --> 00:52:42,226
But, you know, Kelly,

1230
00:52:42,226 --> 00:52:45,195
I must admit, I didn't realize
that you had a son until today.

1231
00:52:45,195 --> 00:52:46,697
Really?

1232
00:52:46,697 --> 00:52:49,099
I just thought he was
our little person roommate.

1233
00:52:49,099 --> 00:52:50,868
And you'd enjoy
making lunch for him.

1234
00:52:50,868 --> 00:52:52,970
Oh. I'm sorry. Our.

1235
00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:55,205
Neither of these men.
Liam's father.

1236
00:52:55,205 --> 00:52:56,840
Oh, no. No.

1237
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,244
I mean, to be honest, I'm not
really sure who Liam father is.

1238
00:53:00,244 --> 00:53:01,545
Oh, forgive me for asking.

1239
00:53:01,545 --> 00:53:04,348
But who is Liam?

1240
00:53:04,348 --> 00:53:06,817
And I can't have children.

1241
00:53:06,817 --> 00:53:08,252
Oh. I'm sorry.

1242
00:53:08,252 --> 00:53:09,720
You see, I'm the man.

1243
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:12,289
And the woman would have to have
the child.

1244
00:53:12,289 --> 00:53:12,990
You understand me?

1245
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:14,491
You should know that.
You understand that.

1246
00:53:14,491 --> 00:53:16,894
You know that. No,
I know that. Sorry.

1247
00:53:16,894 --> 00:53:18,162
Where did you meet this man?

1248
00:53:18,162 --> 00:53:19,997
Oh, we met on an app.

1249
00:53:19,997 --> 00:53:21,965
Okay. What app?

1250
00:53:21,965 --> 00:53:24,234
TaskRabbit. Yeah, right.

1251
00:53:24,234 --> 00:53:27,004
Yes. I hired
them to build me a bed frame.

1252
00:53:27,004 --> 00:53:29,440
And then once we were done,
I had to hire them to fix it.

1253
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,642
I guess we broke. That's right.
We broke it.

1254
00:53:31,642 --> 00:53:32,042
We broke it.

1255
00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:33,210
Oh my God.

1256
00:53:33,210 --> 00:53:36,313
Okay, Liam's reading
comprehension is way above

1257
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:37,047
grade level.

1258
00:53:37,181 --> 00:53:39,483
What kind of books
is he reading at home?

1259
00:53:39,483 --> 00:53:40,484
Bridge to Terabithia.

1260
00:53:40,484 --> 00:53:45,556
Anyway, every night with
these two is pure bliss.

1261
00:53:45,556 --> 00:53:47,491
When they drench me
in their bodies,

1262
00:53:47,491 --> 00:53:49,326
it's like a Klondike bar.

1263
00:53:49,326 --> 00:53:52,062
Crisp chocolate exterior
and a freezing white

1264
00:53:52,062 --> 00:53:54,064
woman in the middle. Am I right?

1265
00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:55,365
Am I right?

1266
00:53:55,365 --> 00:53:57,935
Why are you freezing?

1267
00:53:57,935 --> 00:53:58,802
I'm sorry. I'm.

1268
00:53:58,802 --> 00:54:01,071
Do you mind if I smoke
in here? What?

1269
00:54:01,071 --> 00:54:03,407
In an elementary school?

1270
00:54:03,407 --> 00:54:04,174
Oh. I'm sorry.

1271
00:54:04,274 --> 00:54:06,343
I suppose the question
I meant was, I'm.

1272
00:54:06,343 --> 00:54:07,377
I'm going to smoke in here.

1273
00:54:09,346 --> 00:54:12,850
Ooh, I
love the smell of a nice cigar.

1274
00:54:12,850 --> 00:54:15,953
Sir, I can see that
you're judging us, but

1275
00:54:15,953 --> 00:54:18,522
you have to understand,
Mr. Roff.

1276
00:54:18,522 --> 00:54:21,391
Lulu and Maurice Jones saved me.

1277
00:54:21,391 --> 00:54:22,159
Before I met them.

1278
00:54:22,159 --> 00:54:25,963
I was 500 pound
lesbian go dancer.

1279
00:54:25,963 --> 00:54:28,565
With only six months to live.

1280
00:54:28,565 --> 00:54:29,766
You were.

1281
00:54:29,766 --> 00:54:31,935
No, I'm not doing this.

1282
00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:34,171
So, Liam's test
scores, you guys.

1283
00:54:34,171 --> 00:54:36,573
Who is this famous? Liam?

1284
00:54:36,573 --> 00:54:37,341
Wait. You know what?

1285
00:54:37,341 --> 00:54:38,675
I think it would be helpful
if all

1286
00:54:38,675 --> 00:54:40,978
the adults in the household
were present for this. Hold on.

1287
00:54:40,978 --> 00:54:43,847
You already said that.

1288
00:54:43,847 --> 00:54:46,216
Greetings and salutations,
lovely people.

1289
00:54:46,216 --> 00:54:47,084
Sorry we're late.

1290
00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:50,621
I have a son in every grade
in this damn school.

1291
00:54:50,621 --> 00:54:54,491
These are my additional lovers,
Cletus and Montrell.

1292
00:54:54,491 --> 00:54:57,427
And let's just say
I'm always late for the bus.

1293
00:54:57,427 --> 00:54:59,897
But I have never missed a train.

1294
00:54:59,897 --> 00:55:01,899
And you
say that you feel that you.

1295
00:55:20,751 --> 00:55:22,152
>>> ONCE AGAIN, KATSEYE.

1296
00:55:22,152 --> 00:55:24,621
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1297
00:55:26,089 --> 00:55:27,991
♪ EU SEI QUE TU GOSTA

1298
00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:28,759
DA FRUTA

1299
00:55:28,759 --> 00:55:31,261
MAS ESSA E DIFERENTE

1300
00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:37,401
HOOTIE FRUTTI ♪

1301
00:55:37,401 --> 00:55:38,602
♪ HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1302
00:55:38,602 --> 00:55:40,604
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1303
00:55:40,604 --> 00:55:42,606
HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1304
00:55:42,606 --> 00:55:44,374
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT ♪

1305
00:55:44,374 --> 00:55:46,109
♪ HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1306
00:55:46,109 --> 00:55:48,145
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1307
00:55:48,145 --> 00:55:49,880
HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1308
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:51,348
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT ♪

1309
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:52,883
♪ HEY CUTIE CUTIE

1310
00:55:52,883 --> 00:55:55,152
I SEE YA LOOKIN' ♪

1311
00:55:55,152 --> 00:55:56,153
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN I WALK

1312
00:55:56,153 --> 00:55:57,120
IN THE PARTY

1313
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:58,856
THEY'RE LIKE WHO SHE ♪

1314
00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:00,624
♪ CARRY MY MATCHA

1315
00:56:00,624 --> 00:56:02,626
MOUNT VALLEY WATER ♪

1316
00:56:02,626 --> 00:56:04,127
♪ I LIKE MY MOCHI DRENCHED

1317
00:56:04,127 --> 00:56:07,864
IN CHOCOLATA ♪

1318
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:08,866
♪ LET'S PLAY SOME

1319
00:56:08,866 --> 00:56:09,900
TRUTH OR DARE

1320
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:11,101
TELL ME WHAT TIME YOU ON ♪

1321
00:56:11,101 --> 00:56:12,603
♪ YOU THINK I'M UNAWARE

1322
00:56:12,603 --> 00:56:14,371
BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ♪

1323
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:15,606
♪ YOU CAME FOR SOMETHIN'

1324
00:56:15,606 --> 00:56:16,874
RARE

1325
00:56:16,874 --> 00:56:20,377
I'LL PUT IT ON YOUR TONGUE ♪

1326
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:22,379
♪ I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT ♪

1327
00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:23,614
♪ HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1328
00:56:23,614 --> 00:56:25,382
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1329
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:27,351
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH ♪

1330
00:56:27,351 --> 00:56:28,385
♪ HOOTIE YEAH

1331
00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:29,620
I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT ♪

1332
00:56:29,620 --> 00:56:30,854
♪ HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1333
00:56:30,854 --> 00:56:32,389
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1334
00:56:32,389 --> 00:56:34,124
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH ♪

1335
00:56:34,124 --> 00:56:35,125
♪ HOOTIE YEAH

1336
00:56:35,125 --> 00:56:36,393
I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT ♪

1337
00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:37,661
♪ HOOTIE FRUTTI

1338
00:56:37,661 --> 00:56:38,629
ON YOUR TONGUE

1339
00:56:38,629 --> 00:56:39,630
HOOTIE FRUTTI

1340
00:56:39,630 --> 00:56:40,864
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪

1341
00:56:40,864 --> 00:56:41,632
♪ HOOTIE FRUTTI

1342
00:56:41,632 --> 00:56:42,633
IF YOU WANT IT

1343
00:56:42,633 --> 00:56:43,367
COME AND GET IT

1344
00:56:43,367 --> 00:56:44,635
'FORE IT'S GONE ♪

1345
00:56:44,635 --> 00:56:45,869
♪ HOOTIE FRUTTI ALL THE WAY

1346
00:56:45,869 --> 00:56:47,337
HOOTIE FRUTTI EVERY DAY

1347
00:56:47,337 --> 00:56:50,374
HOOTIE FRUTTI LIKE

1348
00:56:50,374 --> 00:56:51,875
THE $20 SMOOTHIES IN LA ♪

1349
00:56:51,875 --> 00:56:53,110
♪ HOOTIE FRUTTI UH-HUH

1350
00:56:53,110 --> 00:56:55,379
NICE AND JUICY SO JUICY ♪

1351
00:56:55,379 --> 00:56:56,613
♪ YEAH YOU CRAVE IT AND

1352
00:56:56,613 --> 00:56:58,849
YOU'RE NOT EVEN A FOODIE ♪

1353
00:56:58,849 --> 00:57:00,150
♪ LET'S PLAY SOME

1354
00:57:00,150 --> 00:57:01,351
TRUTH OR DARE

1355
00:57:01,351 --> 00:57:03,120
TELL ME WHAT TIME YOU ON ♪

1356
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:04,888
♪ YOU THINK I'M UNAWARE

1357
00:57:04,888 --> 00:57:06,390
BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ♪

1358
00:57:06,390 --> 00:57:07,624
♪ YOU CAME FOR SOMETHIN'

1359
00:57:07,624 --> 00:57:08,892
RARE

1360
00:57:08,892 --> 00:57:12,129
I'LL PUT IT ON YOUR TONGUE ♪

1361
00:57:12,129 --> 00:57:13,864
♪ I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT ♪

1362
00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,365
♪ HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1363
00:57:15,365 --> 00:57:16,633
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1364
00:57:16,633 --> 00:57:18,135
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH ♪

1365
00:57:18,135 --> 00:57:19,369
♪ HOOTIE YEAH

1366
00:57:19,369 --> 00:57:20,837
I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT ♪

1367
00:57:20,837 --> 00:57:22,406
♪ HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1368
00:57:22,406 --> 00:57:24,107
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH

1369
00:57:24,107 --> 00:57:25,375
HOOTIE YEAH FRUTTI YEAH ♪

1370
00:57:25,375 --> 00:57:26,610
♪ HOOTIE YEAH

1371
00:57:26,610 --> 00:57:28,145
I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT ♪

1372
00:57:28,145 --> 00:57:29,880
♪ FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1373
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,382
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1374
00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:33,383
OH-WHOA ♪

1375
00:57:33,383 --> 00:57:34,384
♪ HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1376
00:57:34,384 --> 00:57:35,352
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1377
00:57:35,352 --> 00:57:36,386
OH OH ♪

1378
00:57:36,386 --> 00:57:37,354
♪ HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1379
00:57:37,354 --> 00:57:38,355
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1380
00:57:38,355 --> 00:57:39,389
OH-WHOA ♪

1381
00:57:39,389 --> 00:57:41,358
♪ HOOTIE FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

1382
00:57:41,358 --> 00:57:44,161
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT ♪

1383
00:57:44,161 --> 00:57:49,700
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1384
00:57:58,742 --> 00:57:59,943
Tonight on Shark Tank.

1385
00:57:59,943 --> 00:58:01,845
Which company stirs
the feeding frenzy?

1386
00:58:01,845 --> 00:58:03,547
And who gets tossed
to the fishes?

1387
00:58:03,547 --> 00:58:06,550
Find out now as you lay
naked on your hotel bed.

1388
00:58:11,221 --> 00:58:12,889
Hello, sharks.

1389
00:58:12,889 --> 00:58:15,559
I'm Dimitri Dingle,
and I'm Diedrich Poomfant

1390
00:58:15,559 --> 00:58:18,929
What stinks?

1391
00:58:18,929 --> 00:58:20,263
The patriarchy.

1392
00:58:20,263 --> 00:58:21,264
That's right.

1393
00:58:21,264 --> 00:58:24,468
We're two feminist inventors
in a topsy turvy world

1394
00:58:24,468 --> 00:58:27,537
run by men. Boo!

1395
00:58:27,537 --> 00:58:29,706
And as for inventors,
we hit the streets

1396
00:58:29,706 --> 00:58:31,308
and talk to thousands of women.

1397
00:58:31,308 --> 00:58:33,276
And they all told us one thing.

1398
00:58:33,276 --> 00:58:36,179
Stop staring at my breasts.

1399
00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:38,081
So that gave us an idea.

1400
00:58:38,081 --> 00:58:41,752
Eyeglasses that sound an alarm
every time you so much as glance

1401
00:58:41,752 --> 00:58:43,286
at a pair of breasts.

1402
00:58:43,286 --> 00:58:46,289
Watch and learn.

1403
00:58:53,163 --> 00:58:56,700
It's a subtle cue to remind men
to gently turn their attention

1404
00:58:56,700 --> 00:59:01,104
away from her chest
and toward her beautiful spirit.

1405
00:59:01,104 --> 00:59:04,307
We call them respectacles

1406
00:59:04,307 --> 00:59:07,310
so men can do their breast.

1407
00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:11,248
Okay.

1408
00:59:11,248 --> 00:59:14,217
Well, no,

1409
00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:15,685
I don't know about this
one, guys.

1410
00:59:15,685 --> 00:59:19,589
It seems perverted and bad.

1411
00:59:19,589 --> 00:59:23,026
Does it work for ass?

1412
00:59:23,026 --> 00:59:24,895
No. Never really even considered
that.

1413
00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:27,030
Yeah, we're not really ask us.

1414
00:59:27,030 --> 00:59:30,033
So we didn't out.

1415
00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:33,370
Come on, guys,
this is offensive.

1416
00:59:33,370 --> 00:59:36,373
Why would anyone want.

1417
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:38,909
Excuse me.

1418
00:59:38,909 --> 00:59:40,577
Sorry, sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1419
00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:41,645
I'm so sorry.

1420
00:59:41,645 --> 00:59:44,414
Listen, Lori,
we have nothing but respect.

1421
00:59:44,414 --> 00:59:47,017
Sorry, sorry. Let me take this.
Yeah, you got it.

1422
00:59:47,017 --> 00:59:49,052
Lori,
you are a wonderful person.

1423
00:59:49,052 --> 00:59:51,988
Oh, sorry. You know.
You know what?

1424
00:59:51,988 --> 00:59:54,491
I think it's best
if we just go back.

1425
00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,427
Don't know.

1426
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:59,129
Those glasses
were a swing and a miss.

1427
00:59:59,129 --> 01:00:02,132
But this next contestant is up
for the challenge.

1428
01:00:04,468 --> 01:00:05,268
Hi, sharks.

1429
01:00:05,702 --> 01:00:08,705
I'm Marley, and for too long,
not enough people have had acne.

1430
01:00:08,738 --> 01:00:09,706
All right, we got lost.

1431
01:00:12,409 --> 01:00:14,177
We got lost and we got scared.

1432
01:00:14,177 --> 01:00:15,412
Yeah.

1433
01:00:15,412 --> 01:00:18,415
Was it their producer
helping you?

1434
01:00:19,015 --> 01:00:20,917
Yes. And she was lovely,

1435
01:00:20,917 --> 01:00:23,887
but we couldn't hear her over
the sound of the beeping.

1436
01:00:24,287 --> 01:00:26,490
Should I keep going with my, Oh.

1437
01:00:26,490 --> 01:00:28,425
So sorry.

1438
01:00:28,425 --> 01:00:29,226
Sorry.

1439
01:00:29,226 --> 01:00:32,229
God, I hate these glasses.

1440
01:00:32,229 --> 01:00:35,599
Look, as femme ventures,
we didn't mean to upset anyone.

1441
01:00:36,066 --> 01:00:39,269
We are just trying to help men
do their best.

1442
01:00:40,203 --> 01:00:40,704
I'm sorry.

1443
01:00:41,037 --> 01:00:43,206
Is that your catchphrase
or something?

1444
01:00:43,206 --> 01:00:44,741
Bull's eye.

1445
01:00:44,741 --> 01:00:46,743
That's our catchphrase.

1446
01:00:46,743 --> 01:00:48,812
Bullseye!

1447
01:00:48,812 --> 01:00:50,080
Sorry. God! Sorry.

1448
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:53,850
I saw that lovely producer again
out of nowhere, you know.

1449
01:00:53,884 --> 01:00:55,185
No, no.

1450
01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:56,319
This is ridiculous.

1451
01:00:56,319 --> 01:00:58,722
Okay,
you need to get out of here.

1452
01:00:58,722 --> 01:01:00,790
Not again.

1453
01:01:00,790 --> 01:01:01,725
I'm sorry.

1454
01:01:01,725 --> 01:01:03,994
That was actually me.

1455
01:01:03,994 --> 01:01:04,628
I have to forget.

1456
01:01:04,628 --> 01:01:07,030
It's work for us.

1457
01:01:07,030 --> 01:01:08,565
Nathan.

1458
01:01:08,565 --> 01:01:11,568
Damon, take those off.

1459
01:01:11,868 --> 01:01:13,303
Listen, Mr.

1460
01:01:13,303 --> 01:01:15,605
Dingle, Mr. Poom fat.

1461
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:19,409
I don't even know
how you two made it this far,

1462
01:01:19,409 --> 01:01:22,412
both on this show and in life.

1463
01:01:24,180 --> 01:01:24,881
Yep. Right.

1464
01:01:24,881 --> 01:01:26,816
Got it. Okay.

1465
01:01:26,816 --> 01:01:28,885
And I just want to say
something to you right now.

1466
01:01:28,885 --> 01:01:30,954
Okay. I was born in 1601.

1467
01:01:30,954 --> 01:01:32,422
I'm a vampire.

1468
01:01:32,422 --> 01:01:33,390
But you too.

1469
01:01:33,390 --> 01:01:36,393
You're monsters
and you belong in hell.

1470
01:01:37,227 --> 01:01:37,694
I hear you.

1471
01:01:37,994 --> 01:01:40,864
Yeah,
I understand. Totally cool.

1472
01:01:40,864 --> 01:01:43,333
Yeah, but you only need one
shark to make a deal.

1473
01:01:43,333 --> 01:01:47,437
Oh, I'm prepared to offer
you guys $50 million

1474
01:01:47,437 --> 01:01:51,608
for 100% of the ass
side of the business. Oh,

1475
01:01:51,608 --> 01:01:53,009
and I already got the name.

1476
01:01:53,009 --> 01:01:56,346
Glove asses. See that?

1477
01:01:56,346 --> 01:01:58,248
See how I cook?

1478
01:01:58,248 --> 01:02:00,383
Bullseye!

1479
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:01,818
So sorry about that.

1480
01:02:01,818 --> 01:02:05,255
So join us next week on Shark
Tank is two women.

1481
01:02:05,255 --> 01:02:06,122
Sorry. That's on me.

1482
01:02:18,468 --> 01:02:18,902
Jalen.

1483
01:02:19,402 --> 01:02:20,537
The press just
wants to ask a few questions,

1484
01:02:20,537 --> 01:02:23,340
probably about the new contract.
Should I let them in?

1485
01:02:23,340 --> 01:02:25,508
No. Right now, I mean, no,
I'm just I'm really tired.

1486
01:02:25,508 --> 01:02:26,910
I just want to go to my family.

1487
01:02:26,910 --> 01:02:28,712
Okay. That's cool.
I'll let them know.

1488
01:02:28,712 --> 01:02:30,614
I'm gonna head out
to get some rest. Jalen.

1489
01:02:30,614 --> 01:02:32,449
Thanks, mom.
You got it. Love you.

1490
01:02:32,449 --> 01:02:33,483
What was that?

1491
01:02:33,483 --> 01:02:36,486
I was just as saying bye.

1492
01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:38,221
Father son.

1493
01:02:38,221 --> 01:02:40,924
Play it.

1494
01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:42,792
Hey hey hey, superstar.

1495
01:02:42,792 --> 01:02:45,795
Seriously, I said I'm not taking
any questions tonight.

1496
01:02:45,795 --> 01:02:48,198
Well,
not even from your old coach.

1497
01:02:48,198 --> 01:02:49,599
Who are you?

1498
01:02:49,599 --> 01:02:52,002
It's me, Coach Dennis.

1499
01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:55,905
You really don't recognize me,
Has it been that long?

1500
01:02:55,905 --> 01:02:59,342
Third grade Oak Ridge Park

1501
01:02:59,342 --> 01:03:01,678
summer 2005.

1502
01:03:01,678 --> 01:03:05,649
First three games
we were in first place.

1503
01:03:05,649 --> 01:03:08,351
Really bad drinking problem.

1504
01:03:08,351 --> 01:03:09,786
You don't remember?

1505
01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:12,422
I showed you my gun,

1506
01:03:12,422 --> 01:03:12,856
right?

1507
01:03:13,089 --> 01:03:14,391
Right, I think I remember it.

1508
01:03:14,391 --> 01:03:16,893
I'm just not sure
how you got in here.

1509
01:03:16,893 --> 01:03:18,428
Well, look, I'm
not trying to take up

1510
01:03:18,428 --> 01:03:20,630
too much of your time
now, superstar.

1511
01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:23,433
I know you're a big shot now,
but I just wanted

1512
01:03:23,433 --> 01:03:26,436
to say very proud of you, boy.

1513
01:03:26,536 --> 01:03:29,973
You probably can buy
whatever you want to now,

1514
01:03:29,973 --> 01:03:33,576
You probably get to eat steaks
all the time, right?

1515
01:03:33,576 --> 01:03:35,011
Be honest.

1516
01:03:35,011 --> 01:03:38,281
What's the biggest steak
that you ever eat?

1517
01:03:38,281 --> 01:03:40,183
20 pounds

1518
01:03:40,183 --> 01:03:41,918
more.

1519
01:03:41,918 --> 01:03:44,954
I'm sorry, but I'm
just really trying to get home.

1520
01:03:44,954 --> 01:03:46,189
It was nice to see you,
but you got to go.

1521
01:03:46,189 --> 01:03:48,191
Oh, yeah. Okay. Well,
well, hang on, Mr. Big shout.

1522
01:03:48,191 --> 01:03:48,558
Hang on.

1523
01:03:49,159 --> 01:03:52,829
Maybe I don't drive around
in a fancy long car,

1524
01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:56,566
and I don't eat 50 pound
steaks like you do,

1525
01:03:56,566 --> 01:03:58,535
but I'm not here
looking for a handout.

1526
01:03:58,535 --> 01:04:00,804
I'm my own man now.

1527
01:04:00,804 --> 01:04:04,441
Have I made some
mistakes in my life? Yes.

1528
01:04:04,441 --> 01:04:08,378
Could I use a little help? Yes.

1529
01:04:08,378 --> 01:04:11,247
Would I like a handout? Yes.

1530
01:04:11,247 --> 01:04:13,149
Oh, don't make me call security.

1531
01:04:13,149 --> 01:04:13,917
Okay, okay, okay.

1532
01:04:13,917 --> 01:04:16,052
But before you throw me out,

1533
01:04:16,052 --> 01:04:17,253
let me show you something
real quick.

1534
01:04:17,253 --> 01:04:19,322
Have a seat.

1535
01:04:19,322 --> 01:04:21,558
Take a look at this picture.

1536
01:04:21,558 --> 01:04:22,726
You see that?

1537
01:04:22,726 --> 01:04:25,562
That's me about 25 years ago.

1538
01:04:25,562 --> 01:04:28,832
And you see this little guy
holding the tiny basketball.

1539
01:04:28,832 --> 01:04:31,201
That's you.

1540
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:34,137
And you drew this?

1541
01:04:34,137 --> 01:04:36,106
Yes, I did, yes, I did.

1542
01:04:36,106 --> 01:04:38,441
Now, I'm not here to give you
no sob story.

1543
01:04:38,441 --> 01:04:40,543
I'm just asking for a small loan

1544
01:04:40,543 --> 01:04:44,080
and to tell you
maybe a little sob story. No.

1545
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:45,782
Well, before you say no.

1546
01:04:45,782 --> 01:04:48,785
Here, why don't you read this?

1547
01:04:48,785 --> 01:04:49,719
What is this?

1548
01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:51,421
It's a screenplay.

1549
01:04:51,421 --> 01:04:53,890
It's like only two pages.

1550
01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:57,327
Well,
that's because it's a porno.

1551
01:04:57,327 --> 01:04:59,429
But guess who's in it.

1552
01:04:59,429 --> 01:05:02,398
No. Spider man.

1553
01:05:02,398 --> 01:05:04,467
Well, bro,
I had a really long day.

1554
01:05:04,467 --> 01:05:06,002
I'm exhausted.

1555
01:05:06,002 --> 01:05:07,937
I'm asking you
nicely to please leave.

1556
01:05:07,937 --> 01:05:11,441
I understand, I understand,
but before I go,

1557
01:05:11,441 --> 01:05:13,309
I would love for you
to meet somebody.

1558
01:05:13,309 --> 01:05:17,714
Come on, baby.

1559
01:05:17,714 --> 01:05:19,115
Who the hell is this?

1560
01:05:19,115 --> 01:05:21,050
Well, this is Tanya.

1561
01:05:21,050 --> 01:05:23,553
Yeah, she doesn't
speak much English, but

1562
01:05:23,553 --> 01:05:27,590
she came here to this country
eight years ago with a dream.

1563
01:05:27,590 --> 01:05:30,393
And now she works very hard
every day at a laundromat

1564
01:05:30,393 --> 01:05:32,162
to send money back home.

1565
01:05:32,162 --> 01:05:35,198
Okay,
why are you telling me this?

1566
01:05:35,198 --> 01:05:37,934
Well, she's going to bang
Spider-Man in a porno.

1567
01:05:37,934 --> 01:05:40,870
Yo, can someone please get these
people out of here, please?

1568
01:05:40,870 --> 01:05:41,638
Please.

1569
01:05:41,638 --> 01:05:44,374
Maybe I could help.

1570
01:05:44,374 --> 01:05:45,842
Who the hell are you?

1571
01:05:45,842 --> 01:05:48,044
A Spiderman?

1572
01:05:48,044 --> 01:05:51,381
Oh, no no no no, baby, no no,

1573
01:05:51,381 --> 01:05:54,117
Not him,
you know, I mean, unless.

1574
01:05:54,117 --> 01:05:55,652
I mean, Excuse me.

1575
01:05:55,652 --> 01:05:58,188
Oh, hey, you don't recognize me?

1576
01:05:58,188 --> 01:06:01,324
Jaylen. About 30 years ago.

1577
01:06:01,324 --> 01:06:02,792
I'm your father.

1578
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:06,596
I just like looking
in the damn mirror.

1579
01:06:06,596 --> 01:06:07,664
Yeah. You're not my father.

1580
01:06:07,664 --> 01:06:09,332
I know my father.

1581
01:06:09,332 --> 01:06:11,634
He's bald as hell.

1582
01:06:11,634 --> 01:06:13,603
I can shave, I can shave it.

1583
01:06:13,603 --> 01:06:15,405
No. Get out,
I look. No, hold on.

1584
01:06:15,405 --> 01:06:17,507
Hey, man. Hey.
I'm. I'm a huge fan.

1585
01:06:17,507 --> 01:06:22,212
Can I get your autograph,
please?

1586
01:06:22,212 --> 01:06:22,946
This is a check.

1587
01:06:22,946 --> 01:06:24,647
I'm not signing this. No.

1588
01:06:24,647 --> 01:06:26,850
Forget security.
I'm just calling the cops.

1589
01:06:26,850 --> 01:06:29,219
Come on, man, you can't do
all that big on all that.

1590
01:06:29,219 --> 01:06:31,554
You know what? Let's
just take our things and go.

1591
01:06:31,554 --> 01:06:32,488
Yeah, we'll get out of here.

1592
01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:33,256
No. Anywhere.

1593
01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:35,758
Go ahead. Please. Please.

1594
01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:45,635
♪♪

1595
01:06:45,635 --> 01:06:51,274
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1596
01:06:58,481 --> 01:07:02,652
>>> THANK YOU TO KATSEYE,
RAMY YOUSSEF, KARL ANTHONY TOWNS

1597
01:07:02,652 --> 01:07:05,188
MIKAL BRIDGES, OG,
JOSH HART.

1598
01:07:05,188 --> 01:07:06,289
THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY AT
SNL

1599
01:07:06,289 --> 01:07:07,090
GREAT WEEK.

1600
01:07:07,090 --> 01:07:08,825
THIS IS FUN, THIS IS AMAZING.

1601
01:07:08,825 --> 01:07:10,193
I'M GOING TO GET BACK TO MY REAL

1602
01:07:10,193 --> 01:07:11,628
JOB PRETTY SOON.

1603
01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:12,795
THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY.

1604
01:07:12,795 --> 01:07:14,030
THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY.

1605
01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:14,664
HAVE A GREAT DAY, Y'ALL.

1606
01:07:14,664 --> 01:07:16,633
APPRECIATE Y'ALL.

1607
01:07:16,633 --> 01:07:18,368
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1608
01:07:18,368 --> 01:07:28,278
♪♪