1 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:10,210 >>> HEY, EVERYBODY. I'M PEYTON MANNING. 2 00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:18,284 [ APPLAUSE ] >> AM, YEAH, AND I'M ELI MANNING, HIS BROTHER. 3 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:22,255 >> YEAH, I THINK THEY KNOW WE'RE BROTHERS BECAUSE OF THE SAME LAST NAME. 4 00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:26,926 NOW THIS IS WHERE WE DO LIVE ANALYSIS OF WHAT'S ALREADY PLAYING ON THE F. 5 00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:31,431 NORMALLY WE DO IT DURING THE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. >> BUT TONIGHT'S NOT MONDAY. 6 00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:34,234 IT'S SATURDAY. >> GREAT INCITE, ELI. >> YEAH. 7 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:38,972 SO INSTEAD OF FOOTBALL, WE DECIDED TO CHECK OUT THE SEASON PREMIER OF SNL. 8 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:43,043 >> THERE ARE A LOT OF CHANGES AT THE SHOW, WHICH COULD BE EXCITING. 9 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:48,181 LET'S SEE WHAT THEY SPENT THE ENTIRE SUMMER COMING UP WITH. >> OKAY, WE GOT AN ESTABLISHING 10 00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:52,052 SHOT OF MAR-A-LAGO. >> OH, GOOD. TRUMP SKETCH. 11 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:57,457 WAY TO MIX IT UP. >> MR. PRESIDENT, AS YOUR LAWYER, I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD 12 00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:02,796 BE LIEDING DURING A HURRICANE. >> ACTUALLY, IT'S THE SAFEST PLACE I HAVE BEEN IN TWO YEARS. 13 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:11,171 THERE'S NO LAWYERS, NO FBI. I'M IN MY HAPPY PLACE. >> A FEW GUESTS WANTED TO SAY 14 00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,374 HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. >> PLEASE, CALL ME CURRENT PRESIDENT. 15 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:19,312 >> WHY ARE GUESTS VISITING DURING A HURRICANE? >> ALL RIGHT. 16 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:23,717 LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A ROOKIE LEADING A SENIOR CAST MEMBER INTO THE ROOM. 17 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:28,188 PROBABLY GOING TO RUN A SIMPLE, RIGHT THIS WAY, MA'AM. >> RIGHT THIS WAY, MA'AM. 18 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:33,493 >> TELEGRAPHED IT. >> AND HE DOESN'T CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. 19 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:40,000 NOW HE'S TRYING TO FIX IT. THE NEW GUY IS FULLY PANICKING. HE'S JUST STARING IN THE CAMERA. 20 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:47,774 >> AND THAT MIGHT BE THE ONLY TIME WE SEE HIM TONIGHT. >> LET'S SEE WHAT HEIDI'S GOT. 21 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,111 SHE'S NEVER LET ME DOWN. >> SIR, THE GOVERNOR OF SOUTH DAKOTA IS HERE. 22 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:57,283 >> HELLO. I'M GOVERNOR CHRISTY NULL AND I WANT TO TAKE YOUR ABORTION 23 00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:01,488 RIGHTS. >> AND SHE LET ME DOWN. >> OKAY. 24 00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:06,493 TIME OUT. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? >> THE GOVERNOR OF SOUTH DAKOTA, 25 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:11,831 A POLITICAL IMPRESSION THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR. WHAT ABOUT FUN IMPRESSION LIKE 26 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:21,141 ANTHONY FAUCI OR LINDSEY GRAHAM OR RUDY GIULIANI? >> THOSE WERE ALL KATE McKINNEN. 27 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:25,979 >> DAMN. >> I ALSO WANT TO SAY HAPPY EARLY COLUMBUS DAY, SIR. 28 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:31,584 >> WE LOVE COLUMBUS. SAILED RIGHT OFF THE EDGE OF THE WORLD BUT LANDED IN HAITI AND 29 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:37,090 GOT TO WORK. >> I GOT TO POINT OUT, WHERE'S THE BALANCE POLITICALLY? 30 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:43,296 THEY'RE MAKING TRUMP JOKES, MEANWHILE, JOE BIDEN'S LOST HIS MARBLES. 31 00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:50,937 >> HOLD THAT THOUGHT. DONALD JUNIOR IS COMING IN. >> I HATE TO CUT THE PARTY SHOT 32 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:55,608 SHORT, BUT WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. THE PRESIDENT OF CHINA CAN ONLY 33 00:02:55,608 --> 00:03:00,113 HOLD SO MANY NUCLEAR SECOND STREETS. >> LET'S JUST SAY I'M HAPPIER 34 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:06,219 THAN WHEN THE QUEEN'S CORGIS FOUND OUT THEY WEREN'T GOING WITH PRINCE ANDREW. 35 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:15,962 >> THAT CONFUSED ME, AND DID BOWEN SAY CORGI, DOES HE NOT KNOW IT'S PRONOUNCED ARE CORDY? 36 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:21,601 >> IT'S A SURPRISE FUMBLE FROM THE VETERAN YANG. YOU CAN TELL THE PRESSURE IS 37 00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:28,074 GETTING TO HIM. >> MEANWHILE, LOOKS LIKE SARA SHERMAN IS PEEKING IN THE WINDOW 38 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:33,747 TRYING TO WATCH THE SKIT. >> NOW SHE REALIZES SHE'S CAUGHT AND TRIES TO MAKE A SMOOTH EXIT. 39 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,983 WOW. THEY'RE ALL PROFESSIONALS, BUT SO ARE THE NEW YORK JETS. 40 00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:42,355 >> THE SHOWS HAVE REBUILDING FOR SURE. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE STATS 41 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:48,495 SO FAR. 14 ATTEMPTED JOKES THIS EPISODE. ONLY ONE MILD LAUGH AND THREE 42 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:54,000 CHUCKLES. >> I HEARD THEY STAY UP UNTIL 5:00 A.M. WRITING THE SHOW. 43 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,304 >> WHEN DO THEY START WRITING THE SHOW? 4:30. 44 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:04,577 THANK GOD THEY'VE GOT KENDRICK LAMAR BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY REASON ANYONE IS TUNING IN. 45 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:10,450 >> LET'S CHECK BACK IN ON THE SKIT. >> NOW, PRESIDENT XI, YOU'RE NOT 46 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:16,222 HELPING OUT VLADIMIR PUTIN, ARE YOU? BECAUSE AS BRANDY TOLD MONICA, 47 00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:21,127 THE BOY IS MINE. >> IT IS WHAT IT IS, AM I RIGHT? IT IS WHAT IT IS. 48 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:24,397 >> WAIT. IS HE TRYING TO MAKE THAT A CATCH PHRASE? 49 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:29,369 IT IS WHAT IT IS. >> OH, GOD, LOOK, HE'S SAYING IT TO CAMERA NOW. 50 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:36,443 >> IT IS WHAT IT IS. >> DESPERATE STUFF. ANYWAY, JOINING US NOW IS THE 51 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:41,481 THREE-TIME HOST OF SNL DURING WHAT NOW SEEMS LIKE A GOLDEN ERA. 52 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:50,490 JOHN HAMM. [ APPLAUSE ] JOHN, WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN SO FAR 53 00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,927 TONIGHT? >> I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S NOT COMEDY. 54 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:57,564 THEY HAVEN'T EVEN USED KEY UNANIMOUS YET. THAT'S LIKE PUTTING A WHOLE TEAM 55 00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:02,535 OF ELIS ON THE FIELD, AND YOU'VE GOT THE PEYTON SITTING ON THE SIDELINES. 56 00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:08,475 >> I AGREE. >> WHAT ABOUT THE NEW CATS? ANYONE YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT? 57 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:16,950 >> I HAVE BEEN SCOUTING DEVON WALKER AT BAR SHOWS FOR YEARS NOW. 58 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,653 >> SIR, THAT CORN KID IS HERE TO SEE YOU. >> IT'S CORN. 59 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:28,928 IT'S GOT THE JUICE. >> OH, HELL NO. CORN KID? 60 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:34,467 DEVON WALKER'S FIRST APPEARANCE ON NATIONAL TV, AND THEY GOT HIM DOING CORN KID? 61 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:43,777 >> IT COULD BE WORSE. LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT MOLLY AND MARCELLO DOING THE GRITTY. 62 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:50,483 MAYBE THIS IS STRATEGIC LIKE WHEN A SPORTS TEAM TANKS TO GET A BETTER DRAFT PICK NEXT YEAR. 63 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:56,423 >> AND SIR, THE SPECIAL MASTER IS HERE. HE FINISHED REVIEWING YOUR 64 00:05:56,423 --> 00:06:02,662 DOCUMENTS. >> I'VE DECIDED, THEY'RE ALL AWESOME. 65 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:11,104 >> SEAN WHITE? >> YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES THEY 66 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:18,111 NEED TO BRING IN A REAL CELEBRITY WHEN THE HOST ISN'T THAT FAMOUS. 67 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:25,118 >> RIGHT. >> I MEAN, THEY COULDN'T GET THE STAR OF THE SUMMER MOVIE OR TOM 68 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:31,057 CRUISE OR JOHN HAMM, THEY HAD TO GET THE COSTAR. >> WELL, I HEARD THEY RARELY PUT 69 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:43,770 THE HOSTS IN COLD OPEN, SO WHEN THEY DO, IT IS SPECIAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 70 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:49,943 >> SPECIAL OR SIT DESPERATE? >> ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, JOHN. 71 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,812 I KNOW JOHN'S GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. >> NO. 72 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,715 I'M GOING TO STICK AROUND AND SEE WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW IS GOING TO BE. 73 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,451 GOING TO BE. >> AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! 74 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:15,035 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." WITH -- 75 00:08:52,098 --> 00:09:00,206 MUSICAL GUEST, KENDRICK LAMAR. AND YOUR HOST, MILES TELLER. 76 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:21,294 TELLER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU. 77 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:25,865 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE 78 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:32,739 HOSTING THE SEASON PREMIER OF "SNL." THIS IS MY FIRST TIME HOSTING, 79 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:38,478 AND I KNOW THEY LIKE WHEN YOU DO IMPRESSIONS, AND PLAY DIFFERENT CELEBRITIES, AND I WANTED TO 80 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:44,050 COME PREPARED. SO I ASKED MY FRIENDS, WHAT CELEBRITY DO I LOOK LIKE, AND I 81 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:53,526 WAS THINKING A YOUNG DENIRO, MAYBE A PAUL NEW MAN, AND THEY WERE LIKE, NOPE, RACHEL MADAU. 82 00:09:53,526 --> 00:10:05,705 I DIDN'T SEE IT, BUT ONE OF THEM SENT ME THIS. THIS YEAR, I WAS IN A MOVIE 83 00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:12,212 CALLED "TOP GUN, MAVERICK", AND ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVED ABOUT THE MOVIE IS IT REALLY SEEMED TO 84 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:19,085 BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER. IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU GET A MOVIE THAT'S LOVED BOTH BY THE 85 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:22,255 MILITARY COMMUNITY AND THE GAY COMMUNITY. THAT WORKED OUT. 86 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:28,361 IT WAS ALSO AMAZING GETTING TO WORK WITH TOM CRUISE. THAT GUY IS LEGEND. 87 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:34,934 WE BOTH PUSHING OURSELVES TO THE ABSOLUTE LIMIT FOR THIS MOVIE. HE DID HIS OWN STUNTS, AND I 88 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:44,277 GREW MY OWN MUSTACHE. IN THE MOVIE, THERE'S A SCENE WHERE MY CHARACTER ROOSTER SINGS 89 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:49,449 AND PLAYS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE ON THE PIANO. I TOLD THEM, I DON'T NEED A 90 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:53,687 DOUBLE, GUYS. I'LL DO IT MYSELF, I'LL DO IT LIVE. 91 00:10:53,687 --> 00:11:01,061 SO I LEARNED THIS SONG, A PRACTICED IT A BUNCH. I EVEN TOOK PIANO LESSONS. 92 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:07,500 MY INSTRUCTOR WAS JK SIMMONS, WHO WAS SURPRISINGLY NICE. AND ON SET, I PLAYED THE ENTIRE 93 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:14,874 SONG, BEGINNING TO END, AND THEN WHEN I SAW THE MOVIE, THIS IS WHAT THEY ENDED UP USING. 94 00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:30,557 * GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE * [ LAUGHTER ] 95 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:38,965 I GOT TO SAY, I'M SO HONORED TO BE HERE. GROWING UP, ME AND MY FAMILY 96 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:44,738 WOULD WATCH "SNL" EVERY WEEK, AND MY SISTERS AND I WOULD REENACT SOME OF THE SKETCHES, 97 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:50,443 AND MY MOM WOULD VIDEO TAPE THEM. ONE OF OUR FAVORITES WAS THE 98 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:57,484 SPAR TAN CHEERLEADERS. I PLAYED SHERRY OTERRY BECAUSE I WAS EIGHT AND I HAD THE FRAME 99 00:11:57,484 --> 00:12:00,920 FOR IT. NOW, I THOUGHT THAT VIDEO WAS LOST. 100 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,557 BUT MY MOM FOUND IT, AND SHE'S HERE TONIGHT, AND SHE BROUGHT IT. 101 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:14,467 HERE IT IS. THAT'S ME IN THE TANK TOP. MY SISTER ERIN IS PLAYING WILL 102 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,170 FERRELL. OH, YEAH. AND IF YOU LOOK IN THE 103 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:24,077 BACKGROUND, THAT'S MY OTHER SISTER, DANA. PRETTY SURE SHE'S PLAYING LAUREN 104 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:31,151 MICHAELS. AND THEN WE FINISH OUR ROUTINE WITH THE CLASSIC, WHO'S THAT 105 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:49,569 SPARTAN IN MY TP. >> WHO'S THAT SPARTAN IN MY TP? >> IT'S ME, IT'S ME. 106 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:54,541 NAILED IT. BUT SERIOUSLY, HOW CRAZY IS THAT? 107 00:12:54,541 --> 00:13:03,083 MY PARENTS USED TO WATCH ME DO SKITS IN MY LIVING ROOM, AND NOW THEY'RE HERE WATCHING ME HOST 108 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:07,821 "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 109 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:08,188 SO 110 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:14,594 ** 111 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:30,343 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> ALL RIGHT, AMERICA. WELCOME TO SEND SOMETHING 112 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:36,449 NORMAL. I'M YOUR HOST, HALEN HARDY. THE GAME IS VERY SIMPLE. 113 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:42,956 WE HAVE FOUR MALE CELEBRITY CONTESTANTS, AND ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS REPLY TO A WOMAN'S DM 114 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:48,595 ON INSTAGRAM IN A WAY THAT IS NORMAL. AND FELLOWS, IF YOU SEND A 115 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:57,937 NORMAL DM, YOU WIN $100 MILLION. AGAIN, THE GAME IS SEND A WOMAN A NORMAL DM, AND YOU WIN 116 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:06,146 $100 MILLION. NOW, LET'S MEET OUR FIRST CONTESTANT, ADAM LEVINE. 117 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:12,218 NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE, ADAM. >> I WAS BAD. 118 00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:20,460 >> YES, YOU WERE, ADAM. NEXT UP, COMING TO US ALL THE WAY FROM HIS INVOLUNTARY CLEAR 119 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:25,565 CHANGE, ARMY HAMMER. >> YEAH, HI. CAN I GET A BIG WELCOME BACK TO 120 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:31,338 HOLLYWOOD ROUND OF APPLAUSE? >> NO, YOU MAY NOT. NEXT UP, NEIL DEGRASS TYSON. 121 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:35,442 >> WELL, THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. WHAT A PLEASURE. 122 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:42,248 WHY AM I HERE? >> WELL, NEIL, YOU HAVEN'T HAD A DM SCANDAL YET, BUT YOU NEVER 123 00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:50,657 KNOW. >> OH, PLEASE, IN MY CIRCLE, DM STANDS, DIVALENT MAGNESIUM. 124 00:14:50,657 --> 00:15:00,233 BUT I SUPPOSE IN OUR ALTERNATE REALITIES, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. >> AND OUR FINAL CONTESTANT, 125 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,937 IT'S "SNL" CAST MEMBER, BOWEN YANG. >> WOW. 126 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:12,412 >> NOW, BOWEN IS OUR RETURNING CHAMPION. LAST WEEK, WE RACKED OVER 127 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:16,082 $1.4 BILLION. WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE YOUR SUCCESS TO? 128 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:20,653 >> OH, BEING GAY. >> MAKES SENSE TO ME. ALL RIGHT. 129 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:28,895 ADAM LEVINE, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO RESPOND TO THIS WOMAN'S DM? HEY, ADAM, HUGE FAN. 130 00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,097 LOVE YOUR MUSIC. >> OKAY. TOUGH CALL. 131 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:37,070 CAN I SEE HER MOST LIKED VACATION PHOTO? >> SEEMS LIKE THAT COULDN'T 132 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:47,313 POSSIBLY HELP, BUT SURE. GOT TO SAY, ADAM, DON'T LOVE THAT HAND MOTION. 133 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,549 OKAY. OKAY. I HAVE MY ANSWER. 134 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:55,655 >> ALL RIGHTY. >> ALL RIGHT. GOING TO KICK THINGS OFF WITH A 135 00:15:55,655 --> 00:16:02,529 HOLY MOLY! >> ARE YOU SURE? >> YEAH, YEAH. 136 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:14,107 BUT I GOT THREE MORE, THOUGH. HOLY MOLY! HOLY CRAP! 137 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:18,178 YOUR BODY IS MAKING MY PENIS SMILE. >> ALL RIGHT. 138 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:23,049 SORRY, ADAM. YOU ALMOST HAD IT THERE. >> OH, OKAY. 139 00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:29,756 I DID? >> NO. ARMY, IT'S YOUR TURN TO RESPOND. 140 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:33,660 YOUR MESSAGE IS, HEY, ARMY, HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT. 141 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,430 LOOK. I KNOW THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF TALK ABOUT ME IN THE PRESS, BUT 142 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:41,868 I'VE DONE A LOT OF WORK ON MYSELF, AND I'VE CHANGED. SO I HAVE MY MESSAGE. 143 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:50,343 >> WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE? >> I WANT TO BREAK OPEN YOUR BONES AND SUCK OUT THE MARROW. 144 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:55,081 >> ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO TO NEIL. YOUR MESSAGE IS, HEY, NEIL, I 145 00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:59,819 LOVE YOUR PODCAST. >> OH, MY GOODNESS. WHAT A KIND MESSAGE. 146 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:05,658 WHAT A NICE WOMAN. DESERVES A WELL-RESEARCHED RESPONSE. 147 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:12,032 PLEASE SHOW ME HER MOST LIKED VACATION PHOTO. >> YOU TOO, NEIL? 148 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:16,670 ALL RIGHT. >> UH-HUH. OKAY. 149 00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:19,572 CALCULATING. >> NOW, NEIL, LET ME HELP YOU OUT HERE. 150 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:29,115 YOU WILL WIN IF YOU JUST SAY, THANK YOU. >> I HAVE AN ALTERNATE RESPONSE. 151 00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:32,752 SALUTATIONS. PERHAPS IF THE STARS DO ALIGN, YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME OVER AND 152 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:40,060 PEER INTO MY TELESCOPE, METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING. >> NOW, NEIL, ARE YOU ASKING 153 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:48,768 THAT WOMAN TO LOOK INTO YOUR PENIS? >> I SUPPOSE I WAS. 154 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:53,239 IS THAT NOT NORMAL? >> NO. NO. 155 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:58,712 ALL RIGHT. NEXT UP IS BOWEN YANG. BOWEN, GOT A GOOD FEELING YOU'RE 156 00:17:58,712 --> 00:18:04,017 GOING TO WIN THIS ROUND. >> ME TOO. >> YOUR MESSAGE IS, HEY, I'M A 157 00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:08,655 HUGE FAN. I WOULD LOVE TON YOUR FRIEND. >> THAT'S SO NICE. 158 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:14,527 I'LL JUST SAY -- >> JUST BEFORE YOU START. THIS MESSAGE IS FROM DUA LIPA. 159 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:23,036 >> OH, NO! >> GOT A RESPONSE, BOWEN? >> HOLY MOLY! 160 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:33,113 HOLY CRAP! YOUR MUSIC MAKES MY PENIS SMILE. >> BOWEN, COME ON, MAN. 161 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,082 HORRIBLE. OKAY. WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK 162 00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:41,721 BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL SEE IF ANY OF THESE GUYS CAN JUST SAY NOTHING AT ALL. 163 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:49,062 >> I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, I'M GOING TO SAY, A MIGHT NEED TO SEE THAT BOOTY! 164 00:18:49,062 --> 00:19:09,049 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND! 165 00:19:09,049 --> 00:19:14,154 >> OH, NO, NO, NO. >> YOU, WE NEED EVERYTHING FROM THE VAULT IN THE BAG. 166 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:19,025 >> DO WHAT WE SAY, AND NO ONE HAS TO GET HURT. >> OH, MY GOD. 167 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:25,598 >> OPEN THE VAULT, LADY. >> I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN. >> WELL, PICK IT UP! 168 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:31,237 >> WHAT WAS THAT? >> I'M SORE ARE I. I'M NOT CALLING THE POLICE, I 169 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:33,807 SWEAR. >> SLIDE IT OVER NOW, OR WE KILL YOU. 170 00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:37,510 >> I WANT TO, BUT I CAN'T. THE BECAUSE IT'S -- >> WHAT IS IT? 171 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:42,916 >> IT'S TIME TO BE REAL. >> TIME TO BE WHAT? >> TIME TO BE REAL. 172 00:19:42,916 --> 00:19:45,352 >> WAIT. WAIT, IT IS? >> YEP. 173 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:49,956 I JUST GOT THE NOTIFICATION. >> TIME TO BE REAL. >> EVERYBODY SHUT UP. 174 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:56,062 >> OR TELL US WHAT BE REAL IS. >> IT'S AMAZING. IT'S THIS APP, IT'S THE ONLY 175 00:19:56,062 --> 00:20:01,935 HONEST SOCIAL MEDIA. >> YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT? HONEST SOCIAL MEDIA DOESN'T 176 00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:07,107 EXIST. >> WITH BE REAL, YOU CAN ONLY POST ONCE A DAY WHENEVER THE APP 177 00:20:07,107 --> 00:20:12,445 SENDS OUT A NOTIFICATION. >> SO EVERYONE POSTS WHEREVER THEY ARE WHATEVER THEY'RE DOING. 178 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:18,318 >> IT'S NOT STATUS ORIENTED, AND THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED BE REAL? >> YES, YOU'RE GETTING IT. 179 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:24,224 >> EVERYBODY NEEDS TO -- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? >> TWO MINUTES TO POST. 180 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:30,830 QUICK, QUICK, POSE. >> WAIT, WAIT, SO IS IT A PICTURE OF YOU OR ME? 181 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:35,101 >> THAT'S THE THING. IT TAKE AS I FRONT AND BACK PHOTO AT THE SAME TIME. 182 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:40,173 >> THAT IS CRAZY. >> DO YOU GUYS ALL WORK FOR BE REAL OR ANYTHING? 183 00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:44,711 >> NO. WE'RE JUST SO ALIGNED WITH THE MISSION OF THE PLATFORM. 184 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:48,181 >> YOU, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. >> WHERE THE HELL IS SECURITY? 185 00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:53,620 >> COME ON, YOU DON'T WANT TO POST LATE. >> WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU POST 186 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:57,824 LATE? >> IT TELLS PEOPLE SO THAT EVERYONE KNOW THAT IS YOUR BE 187 00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,427 REAL WASN'T BEING REAL. >> OKAY. I DOWNLOADED IT, AND I'M GOING 188 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,962 TO BE REAL ABOUT EXACTLY WHAT I DOWNLOADED IT, AND I'M GOING >> NO! 189 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:07,500 DON'T POST THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. >> NO. NO MORE CUE RATION. 190 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:13,506 I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW. I'M GOING TO BE REAL. 191 00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:23,883 >> NO, NO, NO, NO. >> DOWNLOAD BE REAL TODAY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 192 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:32,625 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> HE'S BEEN IN THERE FOR 17 MINUTES. 193 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:41,368 HE'S GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK. >> HONEY, EVERYTHING OKAY? >> NO ITCHES, NO SCRATCH, MY 194 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:46,606 BOOTY FEELS SO SNATCHED. THANK YOU, CHARMIN. WE FINALLY CHEEK TO CHEEK. 195 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:52,712 YEAH, WE FINALLY CHEEK TO CHEEK. THANK YOU, CHARMIN. >> I WAS SO WORRIED FOR A SECOND 196 00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:57,417 THERE, DAD. >> DON'T WORRY, SWEETIE. IT'S NOT MY FIRST TIME, AND IT 197 00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:03,056 WON'T BE MY LAST TODAY. >> AMEN. >> WAIT, WHERE'S TOBY? 198 00:22:03,056 --> 00:22:06,526 WHY DIDN'T HE JOIN IN? >> SORE ARE I. I'M OVER HERE. 199 00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:10,864 I DIDN'T HEAR YOU SINGING. >> WHAT'S WRONG, SON? ARE YOU STOPPED UP? 200 00:22:10,864 --> 00:22:16,436 >> YEAH, TOBY, YOU OKAY? WAIT. WHAT YOU READING HERE? 201 00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:22,676 WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS? IT'S AN ACCEPTANCE LETTER, TO 202 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:26,680 TOILET PAPER COLLEGE. MY SON IS GOING TO TPC. >> WHAT? 203 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:32,185 >> I'M ABOUT TO CRY. TOILET PAPER COLLEGE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS 204 00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:35,121 HAPPENING. >> I'M SORRY, DAD. IT'S NOT. 205 00:22:35,121 --> 00:22:38,925 I'M NOT GOING. >> WAIT. HANG ON NOW. 206 00:22:38,925 --> 00:22:43,563 I DON'T THINK I HEARD YOU RIGHT. >> THEN TAKE THE CHARMIN OUT OF YOUR EARS, DAD. 207 00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:49,803 I CHANGED MY MIND. >> NOW, LISTEN TO ME, BOY. YOU ARE THE FIRST MEMBER OF THIS 208 00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:56,109 FAMILY TO GO TO COLLEGE, AND YOU ARE GETTING THAT BFA. >> I DON'T WANT A BACHELOR OF 209 00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:58,912 FLUSHING ARTS. >> WELL, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT. 210 00:22:58,912 --> 00:23:03,817 >> KEITH, RELAX. >> NO, NO. I WORKED IN THAT TOILET PAPER 211 00:23:03,817 --> 00:23:08,488 MINE FOR 40 YEAR. 40 YEARS. >> IT'S TRUE, TOBY. 212 00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:14,094 HE'S DOWN THERE WITH HIS PICK AX ALL DAY JUST GATHERING UP THOSE ROLLS. 213 00:23:14,094 --> 00:23:19,799 >> AND I DID NOT WORK MY PAWS TO THE BONE JUST TO SEE YOU THROW THIS AWAY. 214 00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:28,441 YOU GETTING THAT DEGREE IN STUDIES. >> WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN OUR 215 00:23:28,441 --> 00:23:34,681 LIFE HAVE TO REVOLVE AROUND GOING TO THE BATHROOM? >> BECAUSE, SWEETIE, WE'RE 216 00:23:34,681 --> 00:23:38,084 BEARS. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? WE DO TWO THINGS. 217 00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:41,955 WE EAT HONEY, AND WE SHOOT IT OUT. >> WELL, I WANT MORE, MOM. 218 00:23:41,955 --> 00:23:48,094 I WANT MORE THAN JUST EATING HONEY AND SHOOTING IT OUT. >> YOU ARE NOT MY SON. 219 00:23:48,094 --> 00:23:52,565 >> DAD! DON'T SAY THAT! >> NOW, GO UPSTAIRS IN YOUR 220 00:23:52,565 --> 00:23:56,469 ROOM, STACEY. I'M GOING TO MALL YOUR BROTHER NOW. 221 00:23:56,469 --> 00:24:01,207 >> TOBY, CAN YOU JUST PLEASE DO WHAT HE WANTS? >> WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT? 222 00:24:01,207 --> 00:24:05,845 >> WELL, WHAT IS IT? >> I WANT TO DANCE, MAMA. I WANT TO DANCE. 223 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:14,187 >> WE DANCED AT THE BEGINNING. >> NOT TOILET DANCING, NOT TWERKING BECAUSE OUR ASSS ARE 224 00:24:14,187 --> 00:24:17,524 CLEAN. I'M TALKING ABOUT ART. DON'T YOU GET IT? 225 00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:21,861 >> NO, I DON'T GET THIS DAY AT ALL. >> THEN LET ME SHOW YOU. 226 00:24:21,861 --> 00:24:28,368 WILLIAM, CAN YOU COME IN? >> HELLO. I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING LATE. 227 00:24:28,368 --> 00:24:35,308 I WAS USING YOUR BATHROOM. >> THAT'S OUR KITCHEN. >> THEN YOU HAVE MY APOLOGIES. 228 00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:43,116 >> WHO IS THIS? >> I MET HIM IN DANCE CLASS. >> WHAT? 229 00:24:43,116 --> 00:24:47,987 >> I CAN TELL BY YOUR REACTION THAT THIS IS SHOCKING NEWS, BUT I HAVE MORE. 230 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:52,659 YOUR SON IS GOOD. >> PLEASE, DAD, JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. 231 00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:56,796 >> I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS, BUT ALL RIGHT. BUT IF I'M NOT IMPRESSED, YOU 232 00:24:56,796 --> 00:25:08,942 ARE GOING TO THAT DOO DOO COLLEGE. >> DEAL. 233 00:25:08,942 --> 00:25:39,105 I'M SO SCARED. >> HEY, DON'T BE. ** 234 00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:52,752 ** >> HONEY, YOU'RE CRYING. >> YES, MY SON IS A DANCER. 235 00:25:59,192 --> 00:26:04,030 CLOUD BAR IS HOPPING TONIGHT. >> HELL YEAH IT IS. GOING TO BE A GOOD NIGHT. 236 00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:09,235 >> DAMN RIGHT. DESERVE IT. I CRUSHED WORK TODAY. 237 00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:15,075 GOD DAMN DAY TRADING, I LIVE FOR IT. >> I STAND DAY TRADING, BRO. 238 00:26:15,075 --> 00:26:22,182 >> NOT GOING TO LIE. GIRLS IN HERE TONIGHT, DECENT. >> LOT OF COUNTING IN THE ROOM 239 00:26:22,182 --> 00:26:25,051 THIS EVE. GOING TO GET MY FLIRT ON THEN MY SQUIRT ON. 240 00:26:25,051 --> 00:26:30,256 YOU FEEL ME? >> YES, DUDE. >> LATELY I HAVE BEEN INTO THE 241 00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:40,200 FLAT ASS, FLAT CHEST, TINY TEETS. >> NOT SO MUCH INTO THE TINY 242 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:45,205 TEETS, BUT I'M LOOKING FOR A HONEY TO MAKE A MESS WITH. OH, YEAH. 243 00:26:45,205 --> 00:26:49,609 HOT ALERT. LET'S FLIRT WITH THESE TOO. >> OH, YEAH. 244 00:26:49,609 --> 00:27:04,591 CHARM NEVER DID NO HARM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> GETTING DRUNK? 245 00:27:04,591 --> 00:27:13,033 >> SORRY? >> YOU GUYS GETTING DRINKUS? >> OH, DRINKS, YEAH. 246 00:27:13,033 --> 00:27:20,140 >> COOL, COOL. ALCOHOL! BOOP, BOOP, SORRY. 247 00:27:20,140 --> 00:27:28,248 YEAH, I LOVE ALCOHOL. >> I WORK IN FINANCE. >> OKAY. 248 00:27:28,248 --> 00:27:32,118 COOL. EXCUSE ME, BARTENDER? >> YEAH, WHAT DO YOU NEED, 249 00:27:32,118 --> 00:27:36,289 SWEETIE? >> CAN I GET A STELLA? >> STELLA. 250 00:27:36,289 --> 00:27:46,966 >> AND CAN I GET A VODKA CRAN? >> OH, CRANBERRY, UH-OH, UTI? >> EXCUSE ME? 251 00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:50,870 >> YOP. THAT WAS WEIRD. WHY AM I TALKING LIKE THIS. 252 00:27:50,870 --> 00:27:56,710 PUT THESE FAIR MAIDS DRINKS ON MY TAB. >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 253 00:27:56,710 --> 00:28:00,814 >> YES, WITH YOUR FINEST TOP SHELF LIQUOR. >> OKAY. 254 00:28:00,814 --> 00:28:06,386 TOP SHELF HAS A $90 UPCHARGE. IS THAT OKAY? >> OH, NOT SO MUCH. 255 00:28:06,386 --> 00:28:09,322 WHY SO SERIOUS? BATMAN. NOW NO. 256 00:28:09,322 --> 00:28:15,261 WE CHILLING, NO. HOW MUCH IS THE LICK TORE THREE SHELVES DOWN FROM THE TOP? 257 00:28:15,261 --> 00:28:21,935 >> ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST DO STOILY. YOU GOT A TAB? 258 00:28:21,935 --> 00:28:31,211 >> MY NAME IS NICK CHODECORK. IT'S A BVA DEBIT. >> SO YOU GUYS ARE FRIENDS? 259 00:28:31,211 --> 00:28:39,252 >> YEAH. >> BLACK AND WHITE, HELL YEAH. I'LL CLAP FOR THAT. 260 00:28:39,252 --> 00:28:49,629 >> YEAH. SO LET'S CHAT. DID YOU GUYS BUY YOUR CLOTHES AT 261 00:28:49,629 --> 00:28:53,667 A STORE OR ONLINE? >> STORE. >> STORE AS WELL. 262 00:28:53,667 --> 00:28:59,072 >> Y'ALL LIKE STORES. YEAH. >> I MEAN, IT DEPENDS ON WHICH 263 00:28:59,072 --> 00:29:01,875 ONE. IS SHE ALMOST BACK WITH THE DRINKS. 264 00:29:01,875 --> 00:29:06,246 >> DEPENDS ON WHICH ONE, OKAY, VERY COOL. SOME STORES YOU LIKE. 265 00:29:06,246 --> 00:29:10,383 OTHER STORES, YOU'RE LIKE, I DON'T KNOW. I MIGHT NOT GO IN THERE. 266 00:29:10,383 --> 00:29:12,719 >> YEAH. >> I MEAN, YEAH. >> YEAH. 267 00:29:12,719 --> 00:29:17,223 THAT'S INTERESTING. VERY COOL. STORES. 268 00:29:17,223 --> 00:29:21,661 HEY. WHOO. >> CHODECORK, YOUR CARD WAS 269 00:29:21,661 --> 00:29:25,598 DECLINED. >> PLEASE RUN IT AGAIN. >> WHAT Y'ALL STREAMING? 270 00:29:25,598 --> 00:29:32,872 Y'ALL WATCH STRANGER THINGS? >> IF YOU'RE ASKING IF I WATCH STRANGER THINGS, THEN, YES, I 271 00:29:32,872 --> 00:29:38,378 DO. >> YES. * I'M RUNNING UP THAT HILL * 272 00:29:38,378 --> 00:29:52,859 >> VECNA. BOOBIES! I'M SORRY. 273 00:29:52,859 --> 00:29:58,565 WHY DID I DO THAT? >> I WORK IN FINANCE. >> YES, YOU SAID THAT. 274 00:29:58,565 --> 00:30:05,672 >> HAHA -- YOU GUYS WANT TO COME OVER TO OUR APARTMENT? >> YOU'RE ROOMMATES? 275 00:30:05,672 --> 00:30:12,512 YOU GUYS ARE LIKE 40. >> YEAH, GOOD ONE. >> LET'S JUST GO TO THE PATIO 276 00:30:12,512 --> 00:30:15,849 BAR. >> NICE TALKING. BYE. 277 00:30:15,849 --> 00:30:20,253 >> YEAH. YO, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN, BRO? YOUR GAME WAS ON POINT. 278 00:30:20,253 --> 00:30:25,091 >> I KNOW, DUDE, RIGHT? LIKE I'M IN A MAD DRY SPELL RIGHT NOW. 279 00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:30,196 NO JOKE, IT'S BEEN 11 YEARS SINCE I DID IT, BUT LIKE ON PURPOSE, YOU KNOW? 280 00:30:30,196 --> 00:30:35,235 >> YEAH, I MEAN, I'VE NEVER DONE IT. SO I MEAN, I GUESS THE LAST TIME 281 00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:38,471 WAS LIKE I HAVE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE, I GUESS. I DON'T KNOW. 282 00:30:38,471 --> 00:30:43,543 SHOULD I JUST LIKE GIVE UP? >> NAH. LET'S DO A LAP. 283 00:30:43,543 --> 00:30:48,948 LET'S DO A LAP. >> YEAH, MOST MOST DEF. 284 00:30:55,989 --> 00:31:08,501 MAGIC. WE COME TO AMC THEATERS TO LAUGH, TO CRY, TO CARE. 285 00:31:08,501 --> 00:31:17,577 BECAUSE WE NEED THAT, ALL OF US. THAT INDESCRIBABLE FEELING WE GET WHEN THE LIGHTS BEGIN TO 286 00:31:17,577 --> 00:31:21,715 DIM. OH, I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT. AND WE GO PLACES WE'VE NEVER 287 00:31:21,715 --> 00:31:36,563 BEEN BEFORE, NOT JUST ENTERTAIN, BUT SOMEHOW REBORN TOGETHER. DAZZLING IMAMGS ON A HUGE SILVER 288 00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:50,010 SCREEN. SOMEHOW HEART BREAK FEELS GOOD IN A PLACE LIKE THIS. 289 00:31:50,010 --> 00:31:59,486 >> HEARTBREAK FEELS GOOD IN A PLACE LIKE THIS. HEARTBREAK FEELS GOOD IN A PLACE 290 00:31:59,486 --> 00:32:04,190 LIKE THIS. >> AND I CAN FEEL. OUR HEROES FEEL LIKE THE BEST 291 00:32:04,190 --> 00:32:16,770 PART OF US, AND OUR STORIES FEEL PERFECT. >> WHAT THE HELL? 292 00:32:16,770 --> 00:32:25,845 >> WE ARE HERE! AMC, WE MAKE MOVIES BETTER. >> WHAT THE [ BLEEP ] JUST 293 00:32:25,845 --> 00:32:29,883 AMC, WE MAKE MOVIES BETTER. >> WHAT THE [ BLEEP ] JUST HAPPENED? 294 00:32:40,093 --> 00:35:18,918 [ APPLAUSE ] ******* WITH THE EYE PATCH 295 00:35:18,918 --> 00:35:20,754 TAKE OFF THE UNLOYAL TAKE OFF THE UNSURE * * TAKE OFF DECISIONS I LACK 296 00:35:20,754 --> 00:35:27,894 TAKE OFF THE FAKE DEEP TAKE OFF THE FAKE WOKE TAKE OFF THE I'M BROKE * 297 00:35:27,894 --> 00:35:29,596 HUH, TWO ATMS * * YOU STEPPIN' OR WHAT YOU OUT OF POCKET, HUH 298 00:35:29,596 --> 00:35:32,665 WHO YOU THINK THEY TALK 'BOUT TALK ABOUT US * * YOU OUT OF POCKET 299 00:35:32,665 --> 00:35:37,404 SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT WHO YOU THINK THEY COPY OFF COPY OFF US * 300 00:35:37,404 --> 00:35:39,506 * GET BACK IN POCKET SERVIN' UP A LOOK DANCIN' IN THE DROUGHT 301 00:35:39,506 --> 00:35:44,778 HELLO TO THE BIG STEPPER * * NEVER LOSIN' COUNT VENTIN' IN THE SAFE HOUSE 302 00:35:44,778 --> 00:35:49,115 VENTIN' IN THE SA-, AHH CAN I VENT ALL MY TRUTH * * I GOT NOTHIN' TO LOSE 303 00:35:49,115 --> 00:35:52,686 I GOT PROBLEMS AND POOLS I CAN SWIM IN MY FAITH CAMERA'S MOVIN' * 304 00:35:52,686 --> 00:35:55,355 * WHENEVER I'M MOVIN' THE FAMILY SUIN' WHATEVER I MAKE 305 00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:57,957 MURDER IS STACKIN' * * THE PRESIDENT ACTIN' THE GOVERNMENT TAXIN' 306 00:35:57,957 --> 00:36:02,696 MY FUNDS IN THE BANK HOMIES ATTRACTIN' THE FEDS * * WHEN I'M BRACKIN' 307 00:36:02,696 --> 00:36:04,431 LOOK AT MY REACTION MY PUPILS ON SKATES LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS * 308 00:36:04,431 --> 00:36:06,433 * FOR A SECOND TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD DO FOR AESTHETIC 309 00:36:06,433 --> 00:36:09,102 WOULD YOU SELL YOUR SOUL * * ON CREDIT WOULD YOU SELL YOUR BRO 310 00:36:09,102 --> 00:36:13,239 FOR LEVERAGE WHERE THE HYPOCRITES AT * * WHAT COMMUNITY FEEL 311 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,409 THEY THE ONLY ONES RELEVANT WHERE THE HYPOCRITES AT WHAT COMMUNITY FEEL * 312 00:36:16,409 --> 00:36:18,044 * THEY THE ONLY ONES RELEVANT YOU OUTTA POCKET 313 00:36:18,044 --> 00:36:24,317 YEAH, YOU OUTTA POCKET * * YOU ENTERTAIN THE MEDIOCRE NEED TO STOP IT 314 00:36:24,317 --> 00:36:30,123 YOU ENTERTAININ' OLD FRIENDS WHEN THEY TOXIC * * WHAT'S YOUR LIFE LIKE 315 00:36:30,123 --> 00:36:34,928 AND GOSSIP WHAT IS CANCEL CULTURE, DAWG SAY WHAT I WANT ABOUT YOU * 316 00:36:34,928 --> 00:36:39,666 * I'M LIKE OPRAH, DAWG I TREAT YOU LIKE I'M WATCH I OWN IT ALL 317 00:36:39,666 --> 00:36:50,510 OH * * YOU WORRIED 'BOUT A CRITIC THAT AIN'T PROTOCOL * 318 00:36:50,510 --> 00:37:00,320 * YOU'RE OUT OF POCKET * * YOU ENTERTAINER MEDIA NEED TO STOP IT * 319 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:10,530 * YOU ENTERTAINER MEDIA NEED TO STOP IT * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 320 00:37:29,049 --> 00:37:34,654 >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. 321 00:37:34,654 --> 00:37:41,094 >>> IN A SPEECH AFTER ANNEXING SECTIONS OF UKRAINE, VLADIMIR PUTIN ATTACKED THE U.S. FOR SAY 322 00:37:41,094 --> 00:37:48,935 TANNISM AND DENOUNCED THE MANY GENDERS IN FASHION IN THE U.S. IT WAS A HATEFUL, UNHINGED 323 00:37:48,935 --> 00:37:55,875 SPEECH WHICH HAS MANY AMERICANS CALLING HIM ELECTABLE. >>> THE KREMLIN CELEBRATED THE 324 00:37:55,875 --> 00:38:03,450 ILLEGAL ANNEXATION OF UKRAINE WITH ENTERTAINMENT IN THE RED SQUARE. 325 00:38:03,450 --> 00:38:08,621 SAY WHAT YOU WILL, BUT A GIG IS A GIG. >> MOSCOW URGING ALL SIDS IN 326 00:38:08,621 --> 00:38:16,529 RUSSIA TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. OH, COOL, I'LL TRY TO DO THAT, SAID BRITTNEY GRINER. 327 00:38:16,529 --> 00:38:24,738 >> HURRICANE IAN HIT FLORIDA THIS WEEK, AND GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS CALLED T IT A 500 YEAR 328 00:38:24,738 --> 00:38:29,743 FLOODING EVENT. IT'S SUCH A TRAGEDY THAT DeSANTIS WON'T LET THEM TEACH 329 00:38:29,743 --> 00:38:39,919 ABOUT IT IN FLORIDA SCHOOLS. >> AND AT A WHITE HOUSE EVENT, PRESIDENT BIDEN ASKED, WHERE'S 330 00:38:39,919 --> 00:38:44,357 JACKIE, APPARENTLY FORGETTING SHE DIED LAST MONTH. WORSE, HE KEEPS FORGETTING THAT 331 00:38:44,357 --> 00:38:52,065 THIS WOMAN IS STILL ALIVE. >> THE ELECTORAL COUNT REFORM ACT WAS APPROVED BY ALL MEMBERS 332 00:38:52,065 --> 00:39:00,740 OF A SENATE COMMITTEE EXCEPT FOR TED CRUZ. COINCIDENTALLY, EVERYONE EXCEPT 333 00:39:00,740 --> 00:39:05,845 FOR TED CRUZ IS ALSO WHO JESUS LOVED. >> JENNY THOMAS, WHO'S BEGGING 334 00:39:05,845 --> 00:39:16,289 YOU TO NOTICE THE SCARF, SO SHE CAN SAY, OH, THIS OLD THING -- REPORTEDLY TOLD THE COMMITTEE 335 00:39:16,289 --> 00:39:21,795 HER HUSBAND WAS UNAWARE IN HER INVOLVEMENT TO CHALLENGES IN THE 2020 ELECTION, AND THEY NEVER 336 00:39:21,795 --> 00:39:27,100 DISCUSSED ANY CASE BEFORE THE COURT. IF THERE'S ONE THING I BELIEVE, 337 00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:31,905 IT'S THAT THIS GUY DOESN'T TALK TO HIS WIFE. >>> REPRESENTATIVE MARJORIE 338 00:39:31,905 --> 00:39:38,044 TAYLOR GREEN REVEALED HER HUSBAND HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE AFTER 27 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. 339 00:39:38,044 --> 00:39:45,418 HE BLAMED IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES FOR THE SPLIT WHILE SHE BLAMED THE JEWS. 340 00:39:45,418 --> 00:39:54,661 >> PRESIDENT BIDEN ON SATURDAY ATTENDED A FORMAL CEREMONY WELCOMING JUSTICE KETANJI BROWN 341 00:39:54,661 --> 00:39:57,831 JACKSON TO THE SUPREME COURT. SAID PRESIDENT BIDEN, AND WHERE'S RUTH BADER GINSBURG? 342 00:39:57,831 --> 00:40:00,066 WHERE'S RUTH BADER GINSBURG? WHERE'S RUTH BADER GINSBURG? COME UP HERE? 343 00:40:05,705 --> 00:40:11,044 EXPRESSED CONCERN ABOUT REPUBLICANS CHANCES IN THE MIDTERM. 344 00:40:11,044 --> 00:40:16,683 HERE TO EXPLAIN IS MITCH McCONNELL AND HERSCHEL WALKER. >> PLEASURE, PLEASURE. 345 00:40:16,683 --> 00:40:24,457 >> YEAH, LET'S GO TEAM. ALL RIGHT. >> SO HERSCHEL, YOU'RE A FORMER 346 00:40:24,457 --> 00:40:27,394 NFL PLAYER. >> YES. >> WITH NO FORMER EXPERIENCE. 347 00:40:27,394 --> 00:40:32,866 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> AND YOU WERE CAUGHT LYING ABOUT HAVING THREE SECRET 348 00:40:32,866 --> 00:40:35,135 CHILDREN. >> YES, SIR. >> SO SENATOR McCONNELL, DO YOU 349 00:40:35,135 --> 00:40:40,073 REALLY THINK THIS GUY IS READY TO BE A SENATOR? >> IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I SAY, 350 00:40:40,073 --> 00:40:47,781 AND I SAY, GO HERSCHEL WALKER. >> WELL, I LOVE YOU TOO, MITCH McCONIC. 351 00:40:47,781 --> 00:40:54,154 ME AND MITCH ARE LIKE TWO PEAS IN A BAG. >> ALL RIGHT. 352 00:40:54,154 --> 00:40:57,624 WELL, YOU'VE ALREADY SAID SOME THINGS THAT HAVE REPUBLICANS WORRIED. 353 00:40:57,624 --> 00:41:04,431 FOR EXAMPLE, YOU SAID, QUOTE, OUR GOOD AIR DECIDED TO FLOAT OVER TO CHINA'S BAD AIR, SO WHEN 354 00:41:04,431 --> 00:41:09,536 CHINA GETS OUR GOOD AIR, THE BAD AIR GOT TO MOVE OUT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 355 00:41:09,536 --> 00:41:14,908 >> I'LL SLOW DOWN SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND. WE ALL KNOW AIR, RIGHT? 356 00:41:14,908 --> 00:41:18,678 AIR BUD. >> UH-HUH, YEP. >> AIR JORDAN. 357 00:41:18,678 --> 00:41:23,616 >> SURE. >> ERIN BROKOVICH. >> SURE. 358 00:41:23,616 --> 00:41:28,621 >> YOU SEE, SCIENTISTS DON'T UNDERSTAND. EVERYBODY TALK ABOUT CLIELT. 359 00:41:28,621 --> 00:41:33,293 BUT WHAT WE REALLY SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON IS PULLING HAWAII CLOSER. 360 00:41:33,293 --> 00:41:37,664 BRING THAT CLIMATE OVER HERE. >> I LIKE THAT IDEA. >> THEY DON'T NEED IT. 361 00:41:37,664 --> 00:41:43,470 THEY LITTLE. THAT'S SOMETHING WE NEED TO LOOK AT VERY CLOSELY, RIGHT, DISH? 362 00:41:43,470 --> 00:41:47,540 >> IT'S MITCH. >> EXACTLY. >> SENATOR McCONNELL, I GOT TO 363 00:41:47,540 --> 00:41:51,878 ASK, WHAT QUALIFICATIONS DOES THIS GUY ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE IN THE SENATE? 364 00:41:51,878 --> 00:41:56,883 >> THERE'S TOO MANY TO NAME. FIRST OF ALL, HE PLAYED FOOTBALL, AND GEORGIA LOVES 365 00:41:56,883 --> 00:42:00,487 FOOTBALL. >> EVERYBODY LOVES FOOTBALL. BASEBALL. 366 00:42:00,487 --> 00:42:07,827 IN FACT, MAN, CATCHING BALLS IS WHAT MAKES US DIFFERENT FROM APES. 367 00:42:07,827 --> 00:42:13,933 AND LISTEN, IF WE COME FROM APES, WHY ARE THERE STILL APES OUT THERE? 368 00:42:13,933 --> 00:42:21,675 RIDDLE ME THAT, OBAMA MICHELLE. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DO YOU HAVE ANY REAL POLICY 369 00:42:21,675 --> 00:42:25,078 PROPOSALS? >> OF COURSE I DO. I WROTE DOWN A FEW FOR MITCH ON 370 00:42:25,078 --> 00:42:29,082 THE WAY DOWN HERE. GO AHEAD AND READ THAT THERE, MITCH. 371 00:42:29,082 --> 00:42:33,086 >> PROPOSAL NUMBER ONE, BARBECUE TUESDAY. >> THERE IT IS. 372 00:42:33,086 --> 00:42:38,825 >> NUMBER TWO, LET'S GET A DAYTIME MOON, THAT WAY, NO MORE RAIN. 373 00:42:38,825 --> 00:42:44,964 >> BOOM. >> AND NUMBER THREE, CREATE A DEPARTMENT OF INSTAGRAM BOOTY, 374 00:42:44,964 --> 00:42:49,102 TOO MANY GIRLS OUT HERE FAKING THEIR CAKE. >> IT AIN'T RIGHT. 375 00:42:49,102 --> 00:42:56,810 >> YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL THEM ABOUT YOURSELF. >> THANK YOU, STITCH. 376 00:42:56,810 --> 00:43:00,880 DON'T MIND IF I DO. WHERE'S MY CAMERA? IS IT DOWN HERE? 377 00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,783 >> NO. IT'S RIGHT THERE, MAN. IT'S THERE. 378 00:43:03,783 --> 00:43:15,195 >> OH, OKAY. HI, OF AMERICA. MY NAME IS HERSCHEL BERSHEL, 379 00:43:15,195 --> 00:43:21,167 WHENEVER I'M IN HARD TIME, I THINK ABOUT THE STRENGTH OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS, GEORGE CARVER 380 00:43:21,167 --> 00:43:30,076 WASHINGTON, THE JEFFERSONS, AND BENJAMIN FRANKENSTEIN. THEY CHANGED THE WORLD WHEN THEY 381 00:43:30,076 --> 00:43:36,082 GOT TOGETHER AND WROTE THE BIBLE, AND WHEN I'M THE GOVERNMENT, WE GOING TO SEE. 382 00:43:36,082 --> 00:43:41,154 GOVERNMENT, WE GOING TO SEE. >> MITCH McCONNELL AND HERSCHEL WALKER, EVERYBODY. 383 00:43:46,593 --> 00:43:52,732 UNVEILED KING CHARLES III'S NEW ROYAL MONOGRAM. THE C STANDS FOR CHARLES, THE R 384 00:43:52,732 --> 00:44:01,374 IS FOR REX, AND THE THREE IS HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF YARDS BRINS ANDREW HAS TO STAY FROM SCHOOLS. 385 00:44:01,374 --> 00:44:07,814 >> WHILE PERFORMING IN WASHINGTON, LIZZO PLAYED A CRYSTAL FLUTE ON STAGE THAT WAS 386 00:44:07,814 --> 00:44:16,289 ONCE OWNED BY JAMES MADISON. SO WE HAVE HAD A GAY PRESIDENT. THE DEA IS WARNING THAT DRUG 387 00:44:16,289 --> 00:44:21,061 CARTELS ARE USING RAINBOW COLORED FENTANYL TO TARGET YOUNG PEOPLE. 388 00:44:21,061 --> 00:44:26,633 FOR CONCERNED PARENTS, HERE'S WHAT RAINBOW FENTANYL LOOKS LIKE. 389 00:44:26,633 --> 00:44:31,504 >> THE WHITE HOUSE HAS INTRODUCED A NEW PLAN TO PUT NUTRITION LABELS ON THE FRONT 390 00:44:31,504 --> 00:44:36,576 INSTEAD OF THE BACK. SO TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF THE OVERALL HEALTH OF AMERICANS, 391 00:44:36,576 --> 00:44:45,251 WE'RE TOO LAZY TO DO THIS -- >> THAT'S A LOT. THAT'S A LOT. 392 00:44:45,251 --> 00:44:52,759 >> IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT BY 2025, NEW YORK WILL INSTALL CAMERAS IN EVERY SUBWAY CAR. 393 00:44:52,759 --> 00:45:00,467 HUH, I THOUGHT IT WAS ILLEGAL TO PUT CAMERAS IN BATHROOMS. >> POLICE IN FLORIDA SAY THAT 394 00:45:00,467 --> 00:45:07,340 MULTIPLE SHOTS WERE FIRED DURING A FIGHT OUTSIDE A CHUCKY CHEESE, BUT THERE WERE NO VICTIMS 395 00:45:07,340 --> 00:45:12,946 BUT THERE WERE NO VICTIMS LOCATED. HMM, MAYBE CHECK THE PIZZA. 396 00:45:16,082 --> 00:45:22,655 RECEIVED BACKLASH WHEN INSTAGRAM PHOTOS FROM A FAMILY EVENT SUGGEST HER PARENTS MIGHT BE 397 00:45:22,655 --> 00:45:29,429 TRUMP SUPPORTERS. HERE TO COMMENT IS ONE OF OUR CAST NEWEST MEMBERS, MICHAEL 398 00:45:29,429 --> 00:45:31,164 LONGFELLOW. >> HELLO. THANK YOU. 399 00:45:31,164 --> 00:45:34,934 THANK YOU. HEY, COLIN. >> HEY, MICHAEL. 400 00:45:34,934 --> 00:45:40,940 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SYDNEY SWEENEY GETTING ALL THIS BACKLASH FOR HAVING CONSERVATIVE 401 00:45:40,940 --> 00:45:45,779 PARENTS? >> WELL, MY FAMILY IS FROM ARIZONA, SO IF YOU CAN GET IN 402 00:45:45,779 --> 00:45:50,316 TROUBLE FOR WHAT YOUR PARENTS THINK, IT'S BEEN A GOOD RUN. >> THEY'RE CONSERVATIVE? 403 00:45:50,316 --> 00:45:55,989 >> WELL, MY DAD IS ANTI-COVID VACCINE. HE DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE IN THE 404 00:45:55,989 --> 00:46:01,561 VIRUS. WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE EVERY ANTIVAX ARTICLE HE SENDS ME 405 00:46:01,561 --> 00:46:07,400 GIVES ME TEN OF THEM. >> DO YOU READ THE ARTICLE? >> I TRY, BUT THERE'S SO MUCH 406 00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:14,841 CENSUS PORN ON THE SIDE. >> YOU DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM YOUR DAD? 407 00:46:14,841 --> 00:46:18,478 >> NO. THEY COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW. YOU SHOULDN'T CUT THEM OUT OF 408 00:46:18,478 --> 00:46:25,285 YOUR LIVES. SPEND TIME WITH THEM. CALL THEM, GET IN THE WILL. 409 00:46:25,285 --> 00:46:31,057 >> RIGHT. BUT THE SYDNEY SWEENEY THING WASN'T JUST ABOUT THE VACCINE. 410 00:46:31,057 --> 00:46:37,097 IT WAS ALSO HER PARENTS WERE TRUMP SUPPORTERS, RIGHT? >> WELL, MY DAD DOESN'T HATE 411 00:46:37,097 --> 00:46:43,370 THAT GUY. HE'S NOT ONE OF THOSE ANTIVAX ARIZONA LIBERALS YOU'RE ALWAYS 412 00:46:43,370 --> 00:46:46,172 READING ABOUT. YOU GOT TO STAND UP TO YOUR PARENTS. 413 00:46:46,172 --> 00:46:52,712 I SAT HIM DOWN, AND I TOLD HIM, YOU KEEP GOING DOWN THIS PATH, I MIGHT HAVE TO PAY FOR MY OWN CAR 414 00:46:52,712 --> 00:46:57,817 INSURANCE NEXT YEAR. THEN HE TOLD ME HOW MUCH IT WAS, AND I SAID, WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW 415 00:46:57,817 --> 00:47:04,357 THAT WHEN I SAID THAT. I'M SORRY. >> AND WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF 416 00:47:04,357 --> 00:47:08,461 YOUR FAMILY? >> DO YOU CONSIDER STEP MOMS FAMILY? 417 00:47:08,461 --> 00:47:13,667 >> YEAH, I THINK SO. >> AH, SHOOT. LISTEN. 418 00:47:13,667 --> 00:47:17,804 FAMILY DYNAMICS ARE COMPLICATED. YOU GET IT. I IMAGINE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN 419 00:47:17,804 --> 00:47:24,878 YOUR FAMILY ARE REPUBLICAN. >> WELL, NOT REALLY. >> NO, JUST YOU? 420 00:47:24,878 --> 00:47:29,683 >> I DON'T KNOW. I WOULD SAY I'M MORE LIKE A BILL MA ARE, R LIBERAL, YOU KNOW? 421 00:47:29,683 --> 00:47:33,353 >> RIGHT. A REPUBLICAN. LISTEN. 422 00:47:33,353 --> 00:47:38,058 JUST TO MAKE IT SUPER CLEAR, I'M VERY LIBERAL. I'M NOT A REPUBLICAN. 423 00:47:38,058 --> 00:47:45,498 I MEAN, UNLESS I GET BOARDING GROUP A AT THE AIRPORT, THEN I'LL BE ONE FOR LIKE FOUR 424 00:47:45,498 --> 00:47:55,241 MINUTES. USUALLY I'M LIKE ANARCHY, CHAOS. DON'T TOUCH ME, GET OFF MANY E. 425 00:47:55,241 --> 00:48:02,248 THAT'S HOW RICH PEOPLE SAY GET OFF ME. YOU HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE ONE 1/2 426 00:48:02,248 --> 00:48:07,320 TIMES. GET YOUR HANDS OFF -- I SAID GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME. 427 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:12,392 >> MIKE LONGFELLOW, EVERYBODY. >> THANKS, COLIN. [ APPLAUSE ] 428 00:48:12,392 --> 00:48:12,826 >> THANKS, COLIN. [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] 429 00:48:18,131 --> 00:48:25,472 PODCAST, AND BECAUSE IT'S THE CIA, THEY'RE LAUNCHING IT DIRECTLY INTO AN AFGHANI 430 00:48:25,472 --> 00:48:35,248 WEDDING. >> NEW ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER GEORGIA MELONI HAS BEEN ACCUSE 431 00:48:35,248 --> 00:48:40,053 OFFED OF SPREADING WHITE SUPREMACIST IDEAS, WHICH IS CRAZY. 432 00:48:40,053 --> 00:48:47,594 WE'RE NOW COUNTING ITALIANS AS WHITE? >> ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR NEW 433 00:48:47,594 --> 00:48:54,801 VIDEO GAMES IS TROMBONE CHAMP, WHICH IS A GUITAR HERO STALE GAME FOR THE TROMBONE. 434 00:48:54,801 --> 00:49:04,444 TROMBONE CHAMP IS ALSO THE NICKNAME OF A VERY POPULAR LADY IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. 435 00:49:04,444 --> 00:49:12,585 >> A NEW STUDY SAYS THE COMBINED MASS OF EVERY ANT ON EARTH IS GREATER THAN THE MASS OF EVERY 436 00:49:12,585 --> 00:49:19,526 MAMMAL AND BIRD COMBINED, THANKS MOSTLY TO THIS JUICY BITCH. >> THIS SUMMER, AN INVASIVE 437 00:49:19,526 --> 00:49:28,134 >> THIS SUMMER, AN INVASIVE SPECIES, THE SPOTTED LANTERN FLY HAS SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE 438 00:49:28,134 --> 00:49:32,672 NORTHEAST DESTROYING LOCAL VEGETATION. EXPERTS ARE SO CONCERNED, 439 00:49:32,672 --> 00:49:38,778 THEY'RE URGING PEOPLE TO KILL THEM ON SIGHT. IF YOU'VE SEEN ONE, YOU MIGHT 440 00:49:38,778 --> 00:49:43,049 AGREE. >> I'M A SPOTTED LANTERN FLY. I DON'T CARE WHAT EXPERTS SAY, 441 00:49:43,049 --> 00:49:49,789 I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR CROPS. SCIENTISTS ARE WORRIED ABOUT MY HIGHLY REPRODUCTIVE CAPACITY 442 00:49:49,789 --> 00:50:00,333 BECAUSE I'M A PLAYER. MY GOALS ARE TO LAY EGGS, BE ON JUDGE JUDY, AND EAT EVERY CROP. 443 00:50:00,333 --> 00:50:08,141 AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND. >> WELL, LET'S BRING HIM OUT. A SPOTTED LANTERN FLY, EVERYONE. 444 00:50:08,141 --> 00:50:12,812 >> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. BOO ME, BOO ME. Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. 445 00:50:12,812 --> 00:50:21,254 BOO ME, HATERS. Y'ALL HATERS CAN KISS MY ASS, AKA MY SECRETION HOUSE. 446 00:50:21,254 --> 00:50:25,325 >> YOU'RE COMING IN A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE. >> OH, I'M AGGRESSIVE. 447 00:50:25,325 --> 00:50:32,465 I'M THE ONE WHO'S DOING THE AGGRESSIVE MICHAEL CHE? PEOPLE ARE TELLING THEIR 448 00:50:32,465 --> 00:50:39,072 CHILDREN TO STOMP ME TO DO. WHAT IS THIS MONSTER GERMANY? >> I THINK YOU MEAN NAZI 449 00:50:39,072 --> 00:50:40,874 GERMANY. >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I'M A BUG. 450 00:50:40,874 --> 00:50:48,114 I'M TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE, FIND A MATE, AND HAVE 3 TO 4,000 BABIES. 451 00:50:48,114 --> 00:50:53,820 >> THAT'S A LOT OF BABIES. >> HEY, THEY HATING, I'M MATING. WHO WOULD WANT TO SIT ON THIS. 452 00:50:53,820 --> 00:51:01,895 LOOK AT THAT UNDERWING. YEAH. THIS WHAT Y'ALL LOOK LIKE TRYING 453 00:51:01,895 --> 00:51:08,702 TO STOMP ME. KEEP STOMPING. I EVEN LOOK GORGEOUS DEAD, 454 00:51:08,702 --> 00:51:11,204 BITCH. >> RELAX. WHAT DO YOU SAY OF THE PEOPLE 455 00:51:11,204 --> 00:51:17,811 ACCUSING YOU OF BEING AN INVASIVE SPECIES? >> INVASIVE, MY FAMILY HAS BEEN 456 00:51:17,811 --> 00:51:23,683 IN THIS COUNTRY FOR GENERATIONS. >> HOW LONG IS THAT? >> ABOUT FOUR MONTHS. 457 00:51:23,683 --> 00:51:27,554 >> OOUF ALSO BEEN THREATENING THE LOCAL VEGETATION. >> HOW? 458 00:51:27,554 --> 00:51:34,661 BECAUSE I JUMP ON A LOCAL TREE AND STICK MY MOUTH ON IT AND SUCK THE SAP OUT UNTIL IT'S 459 00:51:34,661 --> 00:51:40,200 DEAD. Y'ALL GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT? OH, I'M HERE NOW, CATCH ME 460 00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:45,138 OUTSIDE, SUCKING ALL YOUR TREES TO DEATH. >> PEOPLE RELY ON THE CROPS 461 00:51:45,138 --> 00:51:49,009 YOU'RE DESTROYING. >> I DON'T CARE. CROPS NOWS WHAT THEY DID. 462 00:51:49,009 --> 00:51:56,116 IF I SEE CROPS, I'M SUCKING THEM ON SITE. >> WELL, LANTERN FLY, WE GOT A 463 00:51:56,116 --> 00:52:01,888 LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU. CROPS IS ACTUALLY HERE TONIGHT. >> OH, HELL NO! 464 00:52:01,888 --> 00:52:06,960 >> LET'S BRING CROPS OUT. >> DON'T SUCK ME TO DEATH! TRY! 465 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:13,066 YOU CAN'T EVEN FLY! >> I CAN. >> YOU DOING A LOT OF TALKING, 466 00:52:13,066 --> 00:52:19,572 BUT YOU AIN'T DOING A LOT OF SUCKING. >> KEEP STOMPING, BITCH, KEEP 467 00:52:19,572 --> 00:52:24,878 >> KEEP STOMPING, BITCH, KEEP STOMPING. GOODNIGHT 468 00:52:34,254 --> 00:52:36,890 McDONALD'S IS GETTING THE GANG BACK TOGETHER FOR A NEW AD CAMPAIGN. 469 00:52:36,890 --> 00:52:42,729 >> OH, TOTALLY. THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN. HEY, HAS ANYONE SEEN GRIMACE? 470 00:52:42,729 --> 00:52:45,899 >> NO, BUT IF I KNOW HIM, HE'S SCARFING DOWN A COUPLE PREGAME BURGERS. 471 00:52:45,899 --> 00:52:49,569 [ LAUGHTER ] >> HEY, PROBABLY MORE THAN A COUPLE, HUH? 472 00:52:49,569 --> 00:52:57,477 [ LAUGHTER ] >> HI, EVERYONE. >> WHAT THE -- 473 00:52:57,477 --> 00:53:01,147 >> HEY, FELLAS, HOW ARE WE? >> GRIMACE? OH, MY GOD. 474 00:53:01,147 --> 00:53:06,486 DID YOU -- >> LOSE 300 POUNDS THIS SUMMER? YEAH. 475 00:53:06,486 --> 00:53:11,257 >> MAN, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE. I HAD NO IDEA THAT -- >> LOST 300 POUNDS AND GOT 476 00:53:11,257 --> 00:53:17,130 TOTALLY YOKED UP? YEAH. >> COOL. 477 00:53:17,130 --> 00:53:21,334 SO THEN, HOW DID YOU -- >> DROP THREE HUNDO AND GET STACKED TO THE HEAVENS? 478 00:53:21,334 --> 00:53:26,840 WELL, I STARTED WALKING TO WORK, DRANK A LOT OF WATER, AND -- OH, I STOPPED EATING McDONALD'S FOR 479 00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:34,080 EVERY MEAL. >> WELL, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. PAULA MUST BE THRILLED. 480 00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:37,183 >> OH, WELL, YES, SHE'S HAPPY FOR ME, BUT, UH, YEAH, WE GOT DIVORCED. 481 00:53:37,183 --> 00:53:41,921 >> NO! YOU GUYS WERE SO SOLID! WHAT HAPPENED? 482 00:53:41,921 --> 00:53:46,159 >> WELL, I GOT THIS NEW BODY, AND -- LOOK, I HATE TO SAY IT, FELLAS, 483 00:53:46,159 --> 00:53:52,766 BUT I WAS SWERVING THIS SUMMER. >> WAIT. SWERVING? 484 00:53:52,766 --> 00:53:57,137 >> WHAT IS "SWERVING"? >> CHEATING CONSTANTLY ON MY WIFE. 485 00:53:57,137 --> 00:54:02,308 >> WELL, MAYBE WE SHOOT THAT COMMERCIAL. >> ABSOLUTELY, MAN, IT'S YOUR 486 00:54:02,308 --> 00:54:07,614 WORLD. IT'S BEEN A LONG SUMMER OF SELF DISCOVERY, AND I WANT YOU TO 487 00:54:07,614 --> 00:54:13,486 KNOW, IF YOU DO THE WORK AND DIG REALLY DEEP, I PROMISE YOU YOU'LL FIND SOME SURPRISES. 488 00:54:13,486 --> 00:54:17,157 MYWAY, LET'S DO THIS, BROTHER. I'M EXCITED. >> OKAY. 489 00:54:17,157 --> 00:54:19,659 GREAT. EVERYONE READY? >> YEAH! 490 00:54:19,659 --> 00:54:25,065 >> AND ACTION. >> I WANT A McDOUBLE. >> I WANT TO STEAL YOUR 491 00:54:25,065 --> 00:54:29,769 HAMBURGERS. >> I WANT TO GET THE WHOLE WORLD A HAPPY MEAL. 492 00:54:29,769 --> 00:54:35,642 >> AND I -- WELL, I'M A BISEXUAL MAN. >> AND CUT. 493 00:54:35,642 --> 00:54:41,915 CUT. >> WOW. FELT REALLY GOOD TO SAY THAT. 494 00:54:41,915 --> 00:54:46,853 >> GRIMACE, YOU'RE BISEXUAL? >> YEAH. I LIKE BOTH. 495 00:54:46,853 --> 00:54:54,861 THIS SUMMER, I REALIZED THAT. I WAS GETTING OFF A PLANE, AND WHEN I SAID BYE TO THE FLIGHT 496 00:54:54,861 --> 00:55:02,035 ATTENDANTS, ONE OF THEM SHOOK MY HAND AND KISSED IT, AND I REALIZED, EHH, I LIKE BOTH. 497 00:55:02,035 --> 00:55:06,773 >> OKAY. CONGRATS, GRIMACE. >> AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT 498 00:55:06,773 --> 00:55:14,347 I'M BI IN THE COMMERCIAL. IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME, AND I DON'T REALLY EAT McDONALD'S 499 00:55:14,347 --> 00:55:18,184 ANYMORE. >> LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT. >> HEY, IF YOU'RE HAPPY, WE'RE 500 00:55:18,184 --> 00:55:24,424 HAPPY. >> HAPPY, YEAH. AM I HAPPY? 501 00:55:24,424 --> 00:55:31,731 YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. I THINK I AM HAPPY. 502 00:55:31,731 --> 00:55:35,802 [ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, I HAVE SOME PRETTY BIG NEWS. 503 00:55:35,802 --> 00:55:40,373 I'M BISEXUAL. >> YEAH, YOU SAID THAT ALREADY. >> WELL, IT'S JUST LIBERATING TO 504 00:55:40,373 --> 00:55:44,177 LET GO OF A SECRET. BUT I GUESS YOU GUYS WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. 505 00:55:44,177 --> 00:55:51,317 >> WELL, I GOT A SECRET. >> OH, MY GOD, MAYOR McCHEESE. I FORGOT YOU WERE THERE. 506 00:55:51,317 --> 00:55:57,090 YOU LITERALLY HAVEN'T SAID A THING SINCE WE HAVE BEEN HERE. >> WELL, THE THING IS I DIDN'T 507 00:55:57,090 --> 00:56:03,163 ALWAYS HAVE A CHEESE BURGER FOR A HEAD. WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN, I WAS A 508 00:56:03,163 --> 00:56:10,704 HUMAN PRINCE. ONE DAY I WENT TO McDONALD'S. OUTSIDE ON THE STREET WAS THE 509 00:56:10,704 --> 00:56:17,043 UGLIEST WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN. SHE WAS BUMPY. ASKING ME TO BUY HER A BURGER. 510 00:56:17,043 --> 00:56:27,620 LONG STORY, I THREW A BUNCH OF BRAND NEW BURGERS IN THE TRASH. NEXT THING YOU KNOW, SHE SPOOKED 511 00:56:27,620 --> 00:56:33,059 ME, THAT'S WHY I GOT THIS CHEESE BURGER HEAD. ALSO, I'M BISEXUAL. 512 00:56:33,059 --> 00:56:38,331 >> WE'RE BI TOO! >> HOW ABOUT YOU, RONALD? YOU BI? 513 00:56:38,331 --> 00:56:46,072 YOU BI? >> SURE, I'M BI -- BUYING A PELOTON SO I CAN START SWERVING 514 00:57:01,488 --> 00:57:05,892 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] * I COME FROM A GENERATION OF HOME INVASIONS 515 00:57:05,892 --> 00:57:09,062 AND I GOT DADDY ISSUES THAT'S ON ME * * EVERYTHING THEM FOUR WALLS 516 00:57:09,062 --> 00:57:11,731 HAD TAUGHT ME MADE HABITS BURY DEEP THAT MAN KNEW A LOT * 517 00:57:11,731 --> 00:57:14,367 * BUT NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP ME PAST THEM STREETS MY LIFE IS A PLOT 518 00:57:14,367 --> 00:57:17,570 TWISTED FROM DIRECTIONS * * THAT I CAN'T SEE DADDY ISSUES RUN ACROSS 519 00:57:17,570 --> 00:57:19,673 MY HEAD TOLD ME FUMBLE FOUL * * I'M TEARY-EYED 520 00:57:19,673 --> 00:57:22,842 WANNA THROW MY HANDS I WON'T THINK OUT LOUD A FOOLISH PRIDE * 521 00:57:22,842 --> 00:57:26,579 * IF I LOSE AGAIN WON'T GO IN THE HOUSE I STAYED OUTSIDE 522 00:57:26,579 --> 00:57:30,817 LAUGHIN' WITH MY FRIENDS * * THEY DON'T KNOW MY LIFE DADDY ISSUES MADE ME 523 00:57:30,817 --> 00:57:33,053 LEARN LOSSES I DON'T TAKE THOSE WELL * * MAMA SAID 524 00:57:33,053 --> 00:57:36,189 "THAT BOY IS EXHAUSTED" HE SAID, GO IF HE GIVE UP NOW * 525 00:57:36,189 --> 00:57:39,392 * THAT'S GON COST HIM LIFE'S A YOU COULD BE A OR STEP 526 00:57:39,392 --> 00:57:42,062 OUT THE MARGIN * * I GOT UP QUICK I'M CHARGIN' BASKETS 527 00:57:42,062 --> 00:57:45,198 AND FALLING BACKWARDS TRYNA KEEP BALANCE * OH, THIS THE PART WHERE 528 00:57:45,198 --> 00:57:49,469 MENTAL STABILITY MEETS TALENT OH, THIS THE PART HE BREAKS MY HUMILITY * 529 00:57:49,469 --> 00:57:53,173 * JUST FOR PRACTICE TACTICS WE LEARNED TOGETHER SORE LOSERS FOREVER 530 00:57:53,173 --> 00:57:56,843 DADDY ISSUES * * EARLY MORNIN' WAKE UPS PRACTICIN' ON DAY-OFFS 531 00:57:56,843 --> 00:58:01,614 TOUGH LOVE BOTTLED UP NO CHASER * * NEAT, NO CHASER 532 00:58:01,614 --> 00:58:06,386 NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASE * 533 00:58:06,386 --> 00:58:12,025 * EARLY MORNIN' WAKE UPS PRACTICIN' ON DAY-OFFS TOUGH LOVE BOTTLED UP 534 00:58:12,025 --> 00:58:14,828 NO CHASER * * NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASER 535 00:58:14,828 --> 00:58:21,801 NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASER * * I GOT DADDY ISSUES 536 00:58:21,801 --> 00:58:25,038 THAT'S ON ME LOOKIN' FOR, I LOVE YOU RARELY EMPATHIZIN' * 537 00:58:25,038 --> 00:58:28,074 * FOR MY RELIEF A CHILD THAT GREW ACCUSTOMED JUMPING UP WHEN 538 00:58:28,074 --> 00:58:30,744 I SCRAPED MY KNEE * * 'CAUSE IF I CRIED ABOUT IT HE'D SURELY TELL ME 539 00:58:30,744 --> 00:58:34,447 NOT TO BE WEAK DADDY ISSUES * * HID MY EMOTIONS 540 00:58:34,447 --> 00:58:36,549 NEVER EXPRESSED MYSELF MAN SHOULD NEVER SHOW FEELINGS * 541 00:58:36,549 --> 00:58:39,152 * BEING SENSITIVE NEVER HELPED HIS MAMA DIED 542 00:58:39,152 --> 00:58:42,355 I ASKED HIM WHY HE GOIN' * * BACK TO WORK SO SOON HIS FIRST REPLY WAS 543 00:58:42,355 --> 00:58:46,593 SON, THAT'S LIFE AND BILLS GOT NO SILVER SPOON * * DADDY ISSUES GO GET 544 00:58:46,593 --> 00:58:49,763 YOUR MONEY, SON PROTECT YOURSELF TRUST NOBODY * 545 00:58:49,763 --> 00:58:52,432 * ONLY YOUR MAMA'N'EM THIS MADE RELATIONSHIPS SEEM CLOUDY 546 00:58:52,432 --> 00:58:55,135 NEVER ATTACHED TO NONE * * SO IF YOU TOOK SOME LIKINGS AROUND ME 547 00:58:55,135 --> 00:58:58,805 I MIGHT REJECT THE LOVE DADDY ISSUES * * KEPT ME COMPETITIVE 548 00:58:58,805 --> 00:59:03,009 THAT'S A FACT I DON'T GIVE A WHAT'S THE NARRATIVE, I AM THAT * 549 00:59:03,009 --> 00:59:06,179 * WHEN KANYE GOT BACK WITH DRAKE I WAS SLIGHTLY CONFUSED 550 00:59:06,179 --> 00:59:09,883 GUESS I'M NOT MATURE * * AS I THINK GOT SOME HEALIN' TO DO 551 00:59:09,883 --> 00:59:13,586 EGOTISTIC ZERO-GIVEN AND TO BE SPECIFIC * * NEED ASSISTANCE 552 00:59:13,586 --> 00:59:15,789 WITH THE WAY I WAS BROUGHT UP WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE * 553 00:59:15,789 --> 00:59:18,358 * WHEN YOUR HEART IS MADE OF STONE AND YOUR MIND 554 00:59:18,358 --> 00:59:21,027 IS MADE OF GOLD * * AND YOUR TONGUE IS MADE OF SWORD 555 00:59:21,027 --> 00:59:23,163 BUT IT MAY WEAKEN YOUR SOUL * * MY HOMIES AIN'T GOT 556 00:59:23,163 --> 00:59:27,300 NO DADDY GROW UP OVERCOMPENSATIN' LEARN 'BOUT BEIN' A MAN * 557 00:59:27,300 --> 00:59:29,936 * AND DISGUISE IT AS BEIN' GANGSTA I LOVE MY FATHER 558 00:59:29,936 --> 00:59:33,139 FOR TELLIN' ME TO * * TAKE OFF THE GLOVES 'CAUSE EVERYTHING HE DIDN'T 559 00:59:33,139 --> 00:59:36,776 WANT WAS EVERYTHING I WAS AND TO MY PARTNERS THAT * * FIGURED IT OUT 560 00:59:36,776 --> 00:59:39,446 WITHOUT A FATHER I SALUTE YOU MAY YOUR BLESSINGS * 561 00:59:39,446 --> 00:59:41,548 * BE NEUTRAL TO YOUR TODDLERS IT'S CRUCIAL 562 00:59:41,548 --> 00:59:44,718 THEY CAN'T STOP US * * IF WE SEE THE MISTAKES 'TIL THEN 563 00:59:44,718 --> 00:59:49,456 LET'S GIVE THE WOMEN A BREAK GROWN MEN * * WITH DADDY ISSUES * 564 00:59:49,456 --> 01:00:03,236 ** * EARLY MORNIN' WAKE UPS PRACTICIN' ON DAY-OFFS 565 01:00:03,236 --> 01:00:07,440 TOUGH LOVE BOTTLED UP NO CHASER * * NEAT, NO CHASER 566 01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:17,050 NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASER * 567 01:00:17,050 --> 01:00:24,157 NEAT, NO CHASER NEAT, NO CHASER * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 568 01:00:30,130 --> 01:00:33,299 >> HELLO. >> OOH! * WE'RE MOVING 569 01:00:33,299 --> 01:00:37,003 WE'RE MOVING WE'RE MOVING WE'RE MOVING * 570 01:00:37,003 --> 01:00:40,807 >> WE'RE MOVING! >> OH, WE'RE MOVING! AND WELCOME TO "CARIBBEAN 571 01:00:40,807 --> 01:00:44,911 QUEENS." >> MY NAME IS TRINITY SUMMERS. >> AND I AM DESIREE WINGO. 572 01:00:44,911 --> 01:00:49,149 AND WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE -- >> AND HUNGOVER. >> FROM GRAVER'S RESORT AND SPA, 573 01:00:49,149 --> 01:00:58,124 WHERE THE PARTY NEVER STOPS, AND >> WE MET ON A SPIRIT AIRLINES FLIGHT ON THE WAY OVER. 574 01:00:58,124 --> 01:01:07,133 YEAH, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR A WEEK, BUT WE NEVER -- WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE 575 01:01:07,133 --> 01:01:10,437 MONTHS. WE'RE DOING A WHOLE LOT OF LOVING. 576 01:01:10,437 --> 01:01:15,575 >> IT'S OFF PEAK, WHICH MEANS THERE'S NO SUN, BUT THERE'S ALSO NO WOMEN YOUNGER THAN US. 577 01:01:15,575 --> 01:01:22,882 >> YEAH, WE'RE BRAGGING. >> YES, WE ARE. >> NOW PLAY OUR SONG. 578 01:01:22,882 --> 01:01:29,089 >> OUR THEME SONG IS OF COURSE BY THE GREATEST MUSICIAN OF THE LAST 200 YEARS, MR. BILLY OCEAN. 579 01:01:29,089 --> 01:01:34,594 >> THE MAN SINGS SO GOOD, THEY NAMED THE OCEAN AFTER HIM. WHICH BRINGS US TO THE FIRST 580 01:01:34,594 --> 01:01:43,837 SEGMENT OF EVERY SHOW, "GOOGLE IF BILLY OCEAN IS STILL MARRIED". 581 01:01:43,837 --> 01:01:46,006 >> HE IS. >> STILL? >> THAT BITCH. 582 01:01:46,006 --> 01:01:54,514 >> WELL, BLESS THEIR LOVE, AND THAT MEANS I NEED A DRINK. PLEASE WELCOME OUR FAVORITE 583 01:01:54,514 --> 01:01:58,852 BARTENDER, LISA. >> MY NAME IS LEAH, BUT THAT'S OKAY. 584 01:01:58,852 --> 01:02:01,688 >> WE LOVE HER. >> WE'RE SO CLOSE. >> WE'RE LIKE FAMILY. 585 01:02:01,688 --> 01:02:06,559 >> WE DON'T EVEN TIP HER. >> BUT YOU COULD. >> NOW, OUR NEXT SEGMENT IS 586 01:02:06,559 --> 01:02:14,801 "WHAT WE GOT UP TO THIS WEEK". >> WE WENT PA ARE, ASAILING, SHORTS FELL OFF. 587 01:02:14,801 --> 01:02:22,676 >> JET SKIING, SHORTS FELL OFF. >> BREAKFAST BAR, YOU KNOW OUR SHORTS FELL OFF. 588 01:02:22,676 --> 01:02:28,882 >> WELL, OUR GUESTS TODAY AS ALWAYS ARE SOME HUHKY GUYS WE MET LAST NIGHT THAT WE'RE NOW 589 01:02:28,882 --> 01:02:32,652 GOING TO SEE IN THE LIGHT OF DAY. >> WE'RE GOING TO SEE IF THE 590 01:02:32,652 --> 01:02:43,396 SPARKS ARE STILL SPARKING. COME ON OUT, GORDY AND BARACK. >> HEY, LADIES, LOOKING GOOD. 591 01:02:43,396 --> 01:02:47,767 >> YEAH, LOOKING WELL HP LIT, BUT STILL GOOD. >> OH, OKAY. 592 01:02:47,767 --> 01:02:52,439 SO YOU REMEMBER US? >> OH, YEAH, WE DO. I JUST DON'T REMEMBER IF IT WAS 593 01:02:52,439 --> 01:02:56,710 LIKE FUN OR LIKE UH-OH. >> IT WAS BOTH. >> IT WAS BOTH. 594 01:02:56,710 --> 01:03:01,047 SO WE WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU. YOU SAID LAST NIGHT YOU WERE A 595 01:03:01,047 --> 01:03:08,355 SPORTS AGENT? >> I SELL CATHETERS. >> WELL, HOOK A GIRL UP. 596 01:03:08,355 --> 01:03:13,893 >> I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID YOUR JOB WAS, LAWYER? >> WHITE RAPPER. 597 01:03:13,893 --> 01:03:20,567 >> OH, OKAY. I LOVE WHITE RAP. >> WELL, I DO RAP AND REGGAE 598 01:03:20,567 --> 01:03:27,073 TOO. I GO BY SWAGGY. THAT'S WHITE SWAGGY. 599 01:03:27,073 --> 01:03:31,711 * LIFE IS ONE BIG PARTY WHEN YOU'RE STILL YOUNG * >> I'M GOOD TO GO. 600 01:03:31,711 --> 01:03:36,182 >> I'M POPPING, OKAY. IT'S TIME FOR THE FINAL VIBE CHECK. 601 01:03:36,182 --> 01:03:39,986 >> LET'S SEE IF THOSE VIBES ARE STILL VIBING. >> HERE WE GO. 602 01:03:39,986 --> 01:03:44,257 >> OKAY. THIS IS NICE. >> GET A LITTLE CLOSER TO ME. 603 01:03:44,257 --> 01:03:50,096 TRINITY, MY GUY'S GOT A HARDY. >> NO, NO, I DON'T. >> LET ME JUST CHECK MINE. 604 01:03:50,096 --> 01:03:53,600 OKAY. HE'S GROWING, ALL RIGHT. IT'S GETTING THERE. 605 01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:57,537 >> MY BAD. >> NO, BABY, IT'S A GOOD THING. >> OKAY. 606 01:03:57,537 --> 01:04:01,875 >> I THINK WE BETTER WRAP THIS SHOW UP BEFORE OUR SHORTS FALL OFF. 607 01:04:01,875 --> 01:04:08,048 >> OH, YEAH. GET IT, LADIES. YOU TWO ARE THE PROUDEST, 608 01:04:08,048 --> 01:04:16,389 OLDEST, SKANKS I'VE EVER SEEN. >> AND BILLY'S LITTLE BROTHER FRANK OCEAN IS HERE. 609 01:04:16,389 --> 01:04:20,860 >> GIVE IT TO US, FRANK. >> I KEEP TELLING YOU, WE ARE NOT RELATED. 610 01:04:20,860 --> 01:04:27,067 >> JUST GET OVER HERE AND SING US THE DAMN SONG. * CARIBBEAN QUEENS, NOW WE 611 01:04:27,067 --> 01:04:29,502 * CARIBBEAN QUEENS, NOW WE SHARING THE S [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 612 01:04:46,453 --> 01:04:52,359 JOHN HAMM, SEAN WHITE. TO MY FAMILY, KELLY, MY WIFE AND MY FRIENDS, YOU KNOW WHO YOU 613 01:04:52,359 --> 01:04:56,496 ARE. I LOVE YOU GUYS. THANK YOU LAUREN, THE CAST AND 614 01:04:56,496 --> 01:05:02,268 CREW, THE BAND, THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE TO ME, AND I'M JUST SO APPRECIATE TIF. 615 01:05:02,268 --> 01:05:07,741 SO THANK YOU ALL FOR SPENDING THIS NIGHT WITH ME, AND EVERYONE AT HOME, JUST PLEASE BE SAFE. 616 01:05:07,741 --> 01:05:14,748 AT HOME, JUST PLEASE BE SAFE. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU.