[MAN WHOOPING]
[WHOOPING] Hyah!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
Whoa!
Heard your paper was running an honest race.
You heard right, Mr. Gebhardt.
Who in the hell handicapped this owl-head as a favorite?
- The smart money. - That's what we come to get.
Deal.
[WHINNIES]
[COYOTE BARKING]
[COYOTE HOWLING]
[SHOUTS]
[HORSE GROANS]
[COYOTE HOWLING]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, boy. Whoa.
Whoa. You're all right.
Yeah. She's all finished, boy. Yeah, she's all finished.
Whoa.
[COYOTE HOWLING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[CROSSING BELL CLANGING]
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Just--
Must be the dude from London.
How's he gonna win a 700-mile race sitting on a postage stamp?
- He won't win. - Wonderful journey. Wonderful.
Miss Jones? Reporter for the Western Press.
You the one said I wouldn't show up?
In this case, I'm pleased to be wrong.
In that case, pleased to meet you.
[TRAIN ENGINE CHUGGING]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING IN DISTANCE]
Don't never touch me. Never.
Morning. How much?
Civil War? South? Yeah.
These days, medals from losers is worth nothing.
No offense, mister. Giddyap! [CLICKS TONGUE]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING] Three's bet.
Check.
Two-fifty?
Call
Two pair.
You drew to an inside straight? Go ahead and take yours.
I think it's rather sporting. [LAUGHS]
I hope your horse doesn't run as lucky.
My horse is the luckiest horse in the West,
but he never plays cards for money.
We've had more than 60 letters to the editor asking why is a woman in the race.
Written by men?
Mostly women. They figure you must have a special reason.
Two thousand reasons.
REPORTER: How about you, Mr. Carbo?
Can your horse stand up against thoroughbreds?
My bronco only has to be half as good as them hotbloods...
'cause I'm twice as good as these old-bloods.
I've never been committed to defeat quite so tactfully.
This race will be won by a horse, not a mouth.
Won by a bronco.
No thoroughbred has the speed, wind or bottom of a mustang.
Not for 700 miles... and that includes your Arabian.
Five thousand dollars. My horse against the field.
- Even money? GEBHARDT: How much?
Three thousand. I'll cover the rest.
There's plenty more if you're game.
One game at a time, Mr. Parker.
Where is this great horse of his anyway?
Coming aboard next stop.
Good to have you with us. Thank you.
- Mr. Parker- - Where the hell is my horse?
Mr. Parker, meet- You. You seen my horse?
Was she here? Supposed to be.
Was I supposed to see her? You can't miss her.
She's got champion written all over her.
Oh, I see. That explains everything.
I don't read.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Hold your damn horses! [WHISTLE CONTINUES]
We're running late.
You're not leaving without my horse.
You know the rules, Mr. Parker.
The hell with your rules.
[MOOING]
Afternoon. Can you spare some milk for a hungry orphan?
Yeah, here you go.
He don't know anything but his ma's tit. [HORSE WHINNIES IN DISTANCE]
You like horses?
You got one of your own?
You want one?
You got one then.
Don't I gotta pay somethin'?
Yep. Don't ever treat him bad.
You're in the big time.
I'm in the shithouse.
♪ [FANFARE]
[RINGING]
[SCATTERED GUNFIRE]
[CHEERING]
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
Out. For what?
Hustling. That's a crime? They're all hustlers.
They work for me. You don't. That makes it a crime.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
Hyah! Hyah!
[ENGINE REVVING]
Ride 'im, cowboy! Ride 'im, cowboy! Ride 'im!
[MAN SHOUTING, INDISTINCT]
[WHOOPING]
Whoo! Whiskey for me and a beer for my horse.
Hey, Slim, how ya doin'?
Cowboy always tends to his horse first.
Mwah!
Telegraph Chicago. You're covered, $15,000 at seven-to-five.
Twelve thousand in Kansas City, even money.
Call of fall bets. Can't be done, baby. It's play or pay.
Get through to my son. On his way, Mr. Parker.
He'll be here before dark.
Mr. Parker, your father left about an hour ago.
What about Tripoli? Did he show yet? No, sir.
Damn stupid, $40,000 bet on a missing horse in the hands of a damn fool.
Two important regulations. [MEN SHOUTING]
Win! Rule one-
Rule one, each horse must carry...
no less than 160 pounds,
including rider, saddle and extras.
Rule two, you'll be issued a compass and a map...
for every leg of the race.
On it, you'll find the safest route.
You don't have to take it.
You do have to make every checkpoint.
Miss one, you're disqualified Out of the race.
Any questions?
Jump-off time, 6:00 in the morning.
[MAN WHOOPING]
Hey, British.
- Drink to the winner. - Thank you.
I haven't really won the race yet, however-
Damn fine shooting, sir.
- The best, right? - If you say so.
What do you say, Pop?
Never saw a man yet that could hold his liquor like a bottle.
Hey, you. What's your name?
What do you say?
[HORSESHOE SPLASHES, SIZZLES]
You're pretty good calling a poker hand.
You care to call this hand?
You gonna pass?
Nobody wants to play.
Yo, Tex? Yo?
Fetch a jackass. Anybody killed?
just a quart.
Ya done right.
A boy lookin' for a reputation is the most dangerous thing alive.
It certainly wasn't worth dying for.
What is?
Even if you do it, what's it going to prove?
Proves I can do it. That's what it proves.
Ha-ha! MAN: Ya-hoo!
- [LAUGHING] - All right!
That yer jackass?
Nope.
Well, it ain't your business-
You never heard of Sam Clayton.
Champion of dumb animals, ladies in distress, lost kids and lost causes
How ya been? Fine till you come along.
You want it sudden? Drag it out.
Palm Sunday.
Goddamn.
Matthew. Chapter five, verse 44.
[GROANS]
[BOTH PANTING]
Just like old times.
Yeah. You start trouble and I start bleeding.
- Get up, damn it! - Palm Sunday's over.
Hurts, don't it?
Something personal? Mm-hmm.
My eyes ain't as good as his'n.
I might miss and then you'd be dead,
and I'd be out of the race for abusin' a dumb animal.
Bad for you, worse for me. [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
Okay, Pop.
You look like a man of property.
Well, when I shook you, my luck changed.
Yeah, big things, huh? New things.
Easy livin'? Right.
Well, who wants easy living? I do.
You- You're fired.
Your job was to get J.B.'s horse on that train.
That was your job!
Much obliged.
You gave all the others a 70-mile advantage!
She was handled real easy, Mr: Parker: Perfect condition.
Then she'll win.
If she coulda won before today, she'll still win.
Except for one thing-
Me. And me.
Me too.
You'll need movin' money.
Who said I'm movin'?
Stayin' takes even more money.
I got a month's pay comin'.
A hot bath costs five dollars.
Yeah?
I guess I just won't bathe.
Takes $15 just to get drunk.
I'm gonna stay sober.
Thirty dollars for an all-night woman.
Seventy miles in six hours, eh?
Could he go 100 miles every day for a week?
Uh-huh. That might be enough to win this race.
I came 5,000 miles to try it.
Why? To beat the best.
[CHUCKLES] Mister, you must be either rich or crazy.
[LAUGHING] A little of both, I'm afraid.
I came 3,000 miles for the Kentucky Derby.
Another 2,000 to see Joe Gans box Battling Nelson.
Forty-two fantastic rounds. It was bloody marvelous!
You know who won? I'm not interested.
Not interested who won? That's not only unbelievable,
it's positively un-American.
What does interest you?
Right now? just a jo
What did Parker pay you? Fifty dollars a month? Sixty?
You win this race and you'll get three years' pay.
What's the horse get out of it?
Colic? Cracked bones?
Did you ever see a horse run himself dead just to please the man on his back?
What for? Get his picture in the paper?
For glory? Some men live for it.
Horse don't give a damn who wins the race.
Me neither.
[BELL CLANGING]
In the interest of the West's greatest horse, the bronco,
and myself, who grows 'em,
I'm putting up an extra $1,000 to the bronco rider who wins!
[MEN CHEERING, CLAPPING]
¿Señor dentista?
Matthews, I'd like a chance...
to win back some of my dad's money.
I figured you would.
Well, how do you like the joint? It ain't Kansas City.
Would you believe so many chumps in the middle of Nowhere, U.S.A.?
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Nice, fat suckerfish. All you need is the right bait, Rosie.
Well, it takes more than a deck of cards and a pair of knockers.
Horse race pulled 'em in. This crowd, their hustle's the fast buck.
What's yours? Same.
And if you don't win, which you won't,
I'll lend you the 2,000.
You can work it off in Kansas City.
Bang, bang, you're in the chips.
At $20 a bang, out of which you get half, that's one hell of a lot of bangin'.
It's a hell of a lot easier on your ass than 700 miles in a saddle.
The money's for Steve.
He won't care how you got it.
Rosie, how many times you been married?
Eleven. Ten without a preacher or license.
Well, did you love any of 'em?
Oh, all of 'em. Every one of 'em.
The good and the bad.
It's a shame to waste all that prime beef on a guy servin' three-to-five in a prison.
You two keep in touch?
Uh, he's kind of a lousy letter writer.
Lousy bank robber too. Yeah.
[LAUGHING]
Thank you. Tengo un dolor muy fuerte aquí.
You have anything for a toothache?
Latest thing in miracles. Heroin.
One of these painkillers with a chaser of whiskey,
four hours of joy-house.
Have you tried this heroin yourself?
Mister, I tried everything except confession.
Even God wouldn't believe it. Hey, miss? Beer.
Una píldora cada cuatro horas...
con whiskey.
Salud. Salud
Rosie? Oh, ha, ha!
Rosie! Oh, oh.
I've forgotten how good a bad woman feels.
Oh, flattery and money will get you anything!
Two of the best for two of the best.
¿Como está?
Truly... a wonderment.
Maravilla. [LAUGHS]
Here, have a little touch. Whiskey.
You drink with greasers? Only senoritas.
My grandpa was Mexican.
Yeah, I bathed that old man every day till he died.
It's a funny thing though. I never did find a greasy spot on him.
Pure Mex ain't bad.
Breed- you can smell it.
Well, that must be why I can't smell it. I'm half Cherokee.
OLD COWBOY: I'm a squaw man myself
Anybody pays, gets drinks. Anybody don't like it, throw 'em out.
Mr. Matthews?
Business.
Hey, miss-
I'll miss your company.
♪ ♪ ["YANKEE DOODLE "]
[TAPPING]
Ninth and final entry: Clayton, riding a coldblood
Attention! For all contestants,
everything is on the house, except booze, betting and bawds.
♪ [RESUMES]
[CHUCKLING] What else is there?
Ahh! We've got a problem.
We both can't win.
No, that's not the problem.
The problem is I can't afford to lose.
Who won the Gans-Nelson fight?
Gans, on a foul in the 42nd round.
It was the greatest fight I ever saw in my life. Black or white.
Won me $300, which I ran into $2,000- most of it old Parker's money.
[CHUCKLING] Anyway-
You know- You know I'm un-American?
What's that?
Well, I don't know exactly.
Except if you're not the best,
or the first and the greatest,
if you don't win,
then you're not American.
Which brings us to the problem.
You know, I didn't even know that Joe Gans was a black man.
I just bet everything on this race. I got seven-to-one.
You bet two-goddamn-thousand dollars-
[CHUCKLING]
On yourself? Well, who else?
Well, that's not so serious. [CHUCKLES]
All you got to do is just beat J.B. Parker's champion horse...
and J.B. Parker's champion rider...
and J.B. Parker's champion disposition, that's all.
You know that ain't all.
My bet says no other rider in the race will beat mine.
That's in writing, and that's a problem.
Miss-
Well, you got nothing to worry about.
You admit that you can out- [LAUGHING]
Drink, outfight, outshoot, outjump,
outluck, outride any man born o' woman, don't ya?
Except you. I never said I could outride you.
Do we eat now or after?
Just so it's not during. Class.
For a natural-born loser, you certainly got lots of class.
You just be at that finish line with that $16,000.
He expects to win.
You saying this race is fixed?
[SCOFFS] All I know is no matter what the game-
Cards, craps, racing, boxing, whatever-
If you can bet on it, it can be fixed
Can be. And that's all I know.
Well, all I know is I'm winning this race. So don't crowd me.
Mister? How do you like it, mister?
Without conversation.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
♪ ♪ [MARCHING]
Move! Move! Come on now!
♪ ♪ [CONTINUES]
Whoa.
Don't forget my bed. Get all the tables. Don't forget the booze.
Strip the joint.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING] [GUNSHOT]
♪ [“THE CAISSON SONG"]
♪ ♪ [CONTINUES]
[BELL CLANGING]
MAN: Hey! Get a hose!
[WHINNIES]
Maybe- Maybe that'll save a couple miles.
Go!
All right.
Hyah!
- Is he all right? - Sple- Splendid. Fine.
Oh- Oh, boy. What did I do to you?
It was damn stupid of me, wasn't it?
MAN: A little over eight hours.
They oughta be strung out from here...
to about here.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Hyah!
Whoa.
[PANTING]
How far we come?
Oh, about halfway, I think.
- Halfway? - To the first checkpoint.
[PILLS RATTLING] Milagro.
Gracias.
- Mucho caballo. - Sí
The father of your father? He was a true mexicano?
- [CHUCKLING] - But you are simpatico?
I had a toothache once.
I've had it. Good luck.
So long. Good luck!
♪ [FLAMENCO]
♪ [CONTINUES] Ya-hoo! Olé!
Ya-hoo!
Whee! Whee! Whee!
Whoo! Whoo!
[MUSIC OFF]
What happened to the “miracle" painkiller?
Took six pills in one hour, instead of one every four hours.
Killed the pain all right, but he almost died.
I made him throw up the pills, and now his toothache is back.
Siéntate. Can you get a dentist on that thing?
Even if he could- which he can't- the dentist comes, which he won't-
By the time he gets here, we'll be gone.
Nearest town's a hundred miles in any direction.
¿Comprendes? Sí, sáquenla.
He wants it pulled.
Who by? CLAYTON: By us.
- He's crazy. - He's got a lot of faith.
That proves he's crazy.
MAN: Checkin' out!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
- Christie just rode out. - So did I.
[SPANISH, INDISTINCT]
Hold this, will you?
[GROANS]
Perdone, the tooth's chipped.
Well, that nerve is open.
Cover the tooth and the pulling can wait.
What about the poison? That goes first.
Do I cut it from the inside or from the outside?
I'll do it.
Okay.
What caliber's that tooth? Huh?
The bullet size. Use the casing to cover the tooth.
Smaller. Smaller. Okay.
¿Listo?
Checkin' out.
Hyah!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Crank out a round for me, will you?
After you doctor him up?
Suppose he goes out and wins. Then what'll you say?
I'd have to say, uh, you're out $2,000.
Checkin' out.
Losin' time. Right.
You won't think it's unsporting?
Oh, hell. Racing for money ain't sport. it's war.
This liniment's gonna burn for a week.
Put a little right there. [GRUNTING]
[LAUGHING] Careful of my vitals.
Seems you're not too worried about this race.
Yeah, seems like it.
You know, missing that train like you did yesterday,
that's- that's just not like your kind of man.
You- You must have had a good reason. Must have had.
Well, I don't give a damn about the reason.
I was out of hand. I just wanted you to know that.
What's on your mind, Mr. Parker?
I want you to come back on our team.
You get a bonus, a raise. Deal?
You just take the rest of the week off with pay.
How about it?
I'll look you up after the race, Mr. Parker.
Bite.
[GRUNTS] Uh, thanks.
Get any sleep? Not much.
They gone? Yeah.
Long? Three, four hours.
We'll catch 'em before dark.
[COUGHING]
Whoa. [WHINNIES]
Drop it!
- Hog-tie her. - Turn around.
Turn around. [GROANS]
[GUNSHOT ECHOING]
[LAUGHING] [STRAINING]
[HORSE WHINNYING]
[LAUGHS]
[GROANS]
[GUNSHOT]
[HORSE WHINNIES]
[THUDDING]
Mornin', neighbor.
Fixin' to stay? No,just passing through.
Then you ain't my neighbor.
Been here long? Ever since I come.
This trail here, where does it go?
Ain't goin' nowhere that I know of. Always been there.
Well, how far is it to town?
Don't know. Never measured it.
Well, you don't seem to know much. Huh?
I say you don't seem to know much.
Mister, I don't know a damn thing about nothing.
But I ain't the one who's lost.
Much obliged.
[SPANISH, INDISTINCT]
[SHOUTING]
- [SNORTS] - [GROWLING]
[WHINNYING]
[RATTLING SOUND]
Jesus.
He is generous today.
Well, one of us better know the way.
[HORSE WHINNYING]
Whoa! Son of a bitch!
[WHINNYING CONTINUES]
Whoa, now, whoa! Whoa!
Hold him, damn it! Muzzle that stump-suckin' bastard!
I ought to bust your ass wide open. Lousy whore.
- Shut up! Goddamn it! - You ain't nothin' but a lousy whore.
Get back to that rope! Whoa now! Whoa, whoa.
[WHINNYING CONTINUES]
Whoa. Whoa. Easy.
Don't say it. Don't say it.
[GASPING]
Whoa, whoa. Don't! What he said don't bother me. Now, quit!
[GASPING]
Nothin' to do with you. [GASPING]
I know you can pull this over here, but how in the hell do I pull you over there?
♪ Rode to Montana ♪
♪ For to throw o'er the early hand ♪
♪ They're freein' the coolies ♪
♪ There's water in the draw ♪
♪ Their tails are all matted ♪
♪ Their backs are all raw ♪
♪ Ride around- ♪ ♪
Good evening.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
Good evening, gentlemen. Evening.
Miss Jones. ¿Café?
- ¿Café, señor? - Sí por favor
Ah, gracias. Es un placer
Oh, mil gracias
And, uh, how was the shorter road?
[CHUCKLES] A little longer.
MAN: Come away.
Hasta después
Adiós.
[WHINNIES]
Whoa. Whoa.
I'll go have a look. Uh, watch the sport.
Miss Jones, gonna need a blanket.
He's crazy. He's gotta be crazy.
- That so? - Tried to kill me.
Oh, he couldn't have tried very hard.
Son of a bitch tried to kill me!
Now, why don't you tell me the...
story of your life?
Just skip everything but the last few minutes.
What the hell you doin' down here?
By God, I'm a-shiverin'.
Come on. Get up.
Ow!
Is it busted?
What's busted is my pump.
How you know?
Army doc couple of years back.
He said when that pain hits your arm, that's the alarm bell.
It hits your pump right after.
That's it.
Can you make it to the checkpoint?
No.
Come on. it's only a couple of hours. Easy ride.
[LAUGHS] All right. Let's try it.
All right. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Hold on to me.
You certainly have a knack of provoking a man to violence.
All I said was she was a- it must have been the way you said it.
Like an insult. Hell, yeah, when a woman does it for money-
A man always gets the best of the bargain.
Before you take her to bed she's a thing of beauty.
In bed, an angel of mercy.
And afterwards, she's a- Whore.
A pillow of peace. A whore.
That's what Clay married.
In the war, Cuba, '98'.
She's the only woman Clay ever loved How about you?
I was never that lucky.
Let go. I don't want them to know.
I ain't run out my string yet.
Evenin'
Thank ya. Hey, old man, thought sure you'd cashed it in.
Not till I'm back in Oklahoma.
I'd rather be in hell than Oklahoma.
Every man to his own country.
Thanks.
Why didn't you take the barge across? Against your religion?
You know injun ponies.
He said if he couldn't go on a canoe he'd rather swim.
Well, I saved ya some supper. That's good.
I want it served by one of them nice ladies, wearin' nothin' but a big smile.
Done.
[GROANS] Thanks.
Why?
Why in the damn-it would a sick old man like you get tangled up in all this-
Why in the name of sweet Jesus, huh?
What is so important about this gut-twistin', back-bustin',
man-killin' goddamn race, huh?
The money? The prize.
Ah!
The prize is the money.
The prize is winnin'. Lose, you're nothin'.
Who remembers a loser or even cares?
Win, you're somebody.
What ya done, it's printed. It's in a newspaper.
And when it's printed, it ain't brag. It's real.
Suddenly everybody knows ya or wants to.
Strangers shakin' your hand.
“Pleased to know ya. Have a drink.
Have a cigar. Meet the wife."
Everybody's friendly and welcome.
And I got a lifetime hunger for bein' welcome.
No family?
Him.
Oh, you know saddle tramps.
They sign on, drive the beef a thousand miles, make your mark,
draw your pay and move on to the next ranch.
Another roundup, another drive.
Hired, fired and move on.
Well, never bothered me none.
No, me neither when I was 30 years lighter.
Ever prospected? [CHUCKLES]
Ever hit pay dirt?
[CHUCKLES]
I've dug for gold, silver, lead, mercury.
I've dug more holes than a whole regiment of gophers.
Ain't never dug out a decent day's wage yet. [CHUCKLES]
God what ain't I tried?
Pony Express rider, Overland Stage driver,
lawman, gambler, river man, rancher,
rodeo hand, barman,
spittoon man, old man.
Nothin' much to remember.
Of course, ain't nothin' much to forget neither.
Nobody's got much use for an old man.
Can't blame 'em much.
That's why I'm gonna win me this here newspaper race.
When I cross that finish line,
I get to be a big man,
top man,
a man to remember.
I didn't even know your name, mister.
Couple miles out from here, 47 miles of desert.
Nothin' but sand, an ocean of it.
By night, cold, hostile, but easier going.
By day a blazing hellhole.
Halfway across, water stop, the only one.
Miss that water, you're in trouble.
If you're lucky, eight hours in the devil's own frying pan.
Railroad. We'll wait here till noon.
Time.
Can you beat the desert before sunup? Nope.
How's it shape up? Tight.
You're not worried? [CHUCKLES]
Who by? An old man, girl, punk kid.
Where's the class? Kids and old men don't respect class.
Don't sell the girl short. If she'd ever cut that brute of hers loose-
Why would she hold back? Probably too green to know better.
But the Mexican's not, and he's tough.
Anytime we can't beat a Mexican- Horseshit.
And that stubborn Englishman. He'll never keep up the lick.
Tell that to him. I lose him. I look around.
He's bitin' my ass.
Sand dunes will finish him. Tougher it gets, the better he likes it.
Same goes for Matthews.
What he hasn't got in horse, he makes up for in brass.
Cuts every corner, takes a lot of chances...
and he's lucky.
- That cowboy you fired? - So far, he's showed nothin'.
So far, maybe he ain't tried.
His bronc's a real stayer. Tough hide.
He's got the heart. Cowboy's got the know-how.
He's the sleeper, the one to beat.
- We'll beat 'im. - Yeah!
News! We're big news everywhere.
“Chicago. Adding $250 to purse and will headline winner in my Wild West Show.
Signed, Buffalo Bill Cody."
Wasn't he the fastest gun in the West? Only in bed, kiddo.
“London. To Sir Harry Norfolk-" Our Englishman.
“Up the British. Signed, Prince of Wales."
Invitations to the winner from Rome, Paris, Moscow. All expenses paid.
And get this, from the president of the United States himself-
"To all the intrepid contestants, bully for you.
To the two rough riders, Clayton and Matthews, who served with me in Cuba,
remember San Juan Hill. Charge, boys, charge!"
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
Look him over fast!
What happened to the old man? He's dead.
Get movin'! I'm goin' out.
This horse is runnin' a temperature.
It's nothin' that'll bother 'im! Come on! Hyah!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
I'll be fine.
[WHINNIES]
Come on!
[NICKERS]
Son of a bitch.
I'm gonna catch me that "champeen" cock.
Yes, sir, I'm gonna catch him before this day is done.
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
Whoa!
[CLICKS TONGUE] Come on! Get up! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah! Come on!
Come on now! Get on!
[PANTING, GASPING]
Salt.
Could I ask you somethin'?
Your wife? Where is she?
I was wonderin' how you met.
I worked for Rosie... off and on about a year.
I guess that don't surprise you none.
The only thing that surprises me is the people some people marry.
Because she was a whore?
A Cuban.
Paula was a Cuban insurrecto-
Guerrillas fightin' the Spanish, just like we was.
That's where we met- on the battlefield.
That was our weddin' bed... till that day.
We came out of the jungle and there it was- San Juan Hill.
Spanish guns lookin' right down our throat...
and sharpshooters pickin' us off.
Wejust charged right up that hill. [CLICKS TONGUE]
That's not the way it happened at all.
Wasn't anything like it was in San Antone where we did our trainin'.
That's where I ran into Luke...
and a lot of other men from every other country...
that wanted to be Rough Riders.
Bakers and barbers and congressmen, cattlemen,
ballplayers, farmers, reporters,
cowboys.
No, we didn't rough-ride up that hill,
'cause we didn't have any horses.
We didn't charge up there either.
We crawled up there on our scared bellies.
There was only one horse and one rider.
That was Colonel Teddy.
He went chargin' up that damn hill, and they shot his glasses off.
He put on another pair.
They nicked him in the elbow. He said, “Follow me!"
And we did because we was too damn ashamed not to.
After the hill came the church.
There was a French .75 out front,
and every window had a rifle sticking out of it,
and there was a Gatling gun in the bell tower.
We could have called the artillery boys in to blow it to pieces,
but... outside along the walls,
they'd tied all these people up, and they'd roped them together.
Hog-tied 'em.
Looked like a bunch of sandbags.
Women and children and nuns and prisoners and...
my Paula among 'em.
Neither me nor Luke nor anybody else knew what to do.
Inside the church they knew what to do.
They opened up on us and we fell back.
All of a sudden I heard Paula scream out,
"Asalto, cubanos, asalto. Asalto."
Then a Spanish bullet-
Then the rest of the women- they took up the cry.
"Attack, Cubans, attack
Attack."
Her own band of guerrillas led the way.
The people some people marry.
I wasn't worth her spit.
Hyah! Come on! Hyah!
[HEART BEATING]
[WHINNYING]
[WHINNYING CONTINUES]
[WHINNIES]
[HORSE GASPING]
[GASPING CONTINUES]
[GROANING]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
[GROANS]
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
Bury him.
What with?
Your goddamn hands.
See he does it.
You see to it.
What he said- is it that important?
Must be. He said it twice.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
[WHISTLE CONTINUES]
Whoo-hoo!
It was Gans! In the 42nd round!
- [LAUGHS] - [SHOUTS]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[WHINNIES]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[THUNDERCLAP]
[NICKERING]
[SOBBING]
[NICKERS]
¿Gustas tomar? Ah, sí gracias.
¿Cómo estuvo tu día?
Así, así
¿Puedo hacer algo mas por ti?
No. No, gracias.
Bueno.
Anyway, he's walkin' in from a couple of miles back.
Didn't want me to carry the extra weight.
Said it wasn't sporting
Hey, kid. Yes, sir.
I'm gonna lay a chore on ya. Yes, sir.
Take the old-timer's horse here.
We got a problem with those prisoners.
They're all maximum security. Our plan still holds.
Look for this mark on the left front hoof.
No horse passes through without this mark.
List of riders.
[STEAM HISSES]
To you this race is worth 2,000, $3,000.
To me it's worth 14,000.
Now, say it's you and me in front, comin' down the stretch.
Got the picture? Mm-hmm.
You hold back. Make it look good, of course.
I win. I collect my bet, turn the prize money over to you. Nobody gets hurt.
Except old Parker who's out $14,000, which is only justice.
Huh? [LAUGHS] [LAUGHS]
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
I could never do that to my... best friend.
Only friend.
So we split 50-50. Deal? No deal.
You want more than me?
What I want is, uh- Name it.
What I'm gonna do is win this race.
[SIGHS] That is the greediest,
most... selfish thing that-
You realize you're betraying a friend?
If it ain't by a friend, it ain't betrayal.
Thank you.
[LAUGHS]
She, uh- Hmm?
Hey. Got it.
Not hungry?
Miss?
I'm sorry about all those things I said.
All this hardware- I ain't never been in a gunfight.
Killin' a man don't prove you're a man.
I ain't never been a cowboy either like I said.
[LAUGHS] I know.
I been around a lot of cowhands, one way or another.
[LAUGHS]
Cowboy dresses from the top down.
First thing on is his hat, and he undresses from his boots up.
Last thing off, hat.
Uh, another thing, to be a cowpuncher-
That don't mean you got to go around punchin' them, you know.
Yes. ma'am.
Laudanum.
Yeah.
Supposed to make you sexy sleepy.
Oh.
Well, I got no such problems.
I gotta get me some sleep. I can't sleep.
Guilty conscience. [GRUNTS]
Why, 'cause I won't throw the race?
Nothin' so hard on a man as virtue.
How could you know?
According to the gospel of old Luke Matthews,
virtue is its own punishment.
You might say this is our last supper.
Beyond that next mountain, it's all downhill to the finish line.
You, Mr. Norfolk- Will you be with us at the finish?
- I wouldn't miss it. - To the West.
Awesome, but inspiring.
What the hell is inspiring about a flash flood or a blizzard...
or a landslide or a sandstorm or dust storm or...
any sudden disaster, personal or financial?
Today the desert broiled you raw.
Tomorrow the mountain will freeze you stiff.
That's your West. Violent, treacherous.
Where every prairie-dog hole is a gold mine,
every molehill is a mountain. every creek is a river,
and everybody you meet is a liar.
When you call me that, smile, stranger.
Ah, yes. The Virginian. Owen Mister Another liar
For a family who don't know a jackass from a mule, you sure know a lot about the West.
We don't have to know about it. We own it.
[SCREAMING] [HORSE WHINNYING]
[GROANING]
What's the matter?
[GROANING]
Bastard. Ya poisoned him!
Come on.
Wait. Wait. Wait, Miss Rosie-
Who paid ya? Him?
Nobody.
Bitch! Where'd ya get this?
Couple of days ago. For me! For when I can't sleep!
Neither could he! Ask him!
No, she's right! Come on.
It's just supposed to make you sleepy. That's all.
Get him.
[SOBBING]
You mix it with booze, you get one hell of a Mickey Finn!
[SCREAMING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[NICKERING]
No me desampares ni de noche ni de día.
Jesucristo me defienda- [WHINNIES]
[GROANS]
Compadre.
Adiós.
See ya.
You bet your ass.
[WHISPERS] Whoa. Whoa.
[GROANS] Whoa.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[METAL CLANGING]
Mornin'. Mornin'.
Your name? Jones.
Stretch. Face down.
Steve.
Kate, rifle.
[GROANS]
[GROANING]
[HOOF BEATS APPROACHING]
Kate, darlin'- What about those two?
Where the hell do they fit in? I need 'em.
They're comin' with us. How?
No!
¡Vete!
Name? Matthews.
You're not takin' his horse!
His and two more. That's the plan.
The plan was us, nobody else.
You and me outta here on my horse!
Will you for Christ's sake shut up!
[SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOT]
[WHINNIES]
Dirty business.
Hey, you never think maybe to win this damn race?
They hurt you?
I have seen many bullets.
Too many.
But this one-
Truly, did you ever know a bullet...
that is good for the health?
The key! The key!
[GUNSHOT] [WHINNIES]
Get on your horse.
Let's go. Come on.
Hyah!
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
¿Qué pasa aquí?
La señorita Jones...
estaba en la carrera sólo por-
[TRAIN APPROACHING]
Librar a su amante,
un prisionero aquí
¿Bien?
Más o menos. Yeah ?
Apoye la buena. [TRAIN APPROACHING]
[LAUGHS] Es lo que voy a hacer
Horse stolen!
Go on!
How do you start it? How do you make it go?
And how do you stop it?
[MOTORCYCLE MOTOR REVVING]
Take your hand off the clutch!
That's it!
I'd like to go with 'em. This horse stays here.
That makes it a one-horse race.
That's not the kind of race I wanted to win.
Set a reasonable time for them to get back with their horses.
If they get back.
[WHINNIES]
Whoa.
[WHINNIES]
Hey!
Come on. Come on!
Whoa.
If he gets into those woods-
Hey, kid! The horse!
Hyah! Come on! Get! Come on!
[SHOUTS] Come on!
Come on. Get.
[GUNSHOT]
[HORSE GROANS]
[HORSE PANTING]
[GROANING]
[MOTOR IDLING]
[HORSE SNORTS]
[GROANS]
[COCKS]
[UNCOCKS]
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
[HAND SLAPS HORSE] [WHINNIES]
Asalto.
Asalto. Asalto.
Miss Jones.
The people some people marry.
[MOTORCYCLE MOTOR REVVING]
Whoa.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Get up there.
[SHOUTS]
[Shouts]
♪ ♪ [BAND] [CROWD CHEERING]
Hyah!
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
[HORSE PANTING]
[WHINNIES]
[CROWD QUIETS]
[PANTING]
[CHEERING]
[NICKERING]