1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX

2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

3
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,960
TANNOY: Getting To The Bottom Of
Things at 8:00pm tonight.

4
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,600
A film show and lecture on
archaeological digging

5
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,520
by Professor Roland Crump, the
distinguished archaeologist.

6
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,840
And so the bone structure tells us

7
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,640
something about the shape of these
prehistoric animals.

8
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,680
So much, then, for the bone of the
greater woolly mammoth.

9
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,840
Dear, oh, dear. Oh, dear.

10
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,880
So sorry. Now...

11
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,920
Now, erm...

12
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,040
By studying the dwelling places of
primitive man,

13
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,640
we are able to form a
picture of how he lived.

14
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,680
How he lived. Yes.

15
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,840
And we know from the crude drawings
on the walls of his cave

16
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,080
that he frequently exposed
himself...

17
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:22,240
Er...exposed himself to all manner
of dangers

18
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,280
in his search for food
and the other...

19
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:31,280
The other significant feature of his
existence

20
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,160
was the presence of iced glaciers in
the vicinity,

21
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,400
which undoubtedly caused the
piles...

22
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:45,560
The piles of debris to move down and
cover up his dwelling place...

23
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,600
(SNORING)

24
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:51,040
One of which
we will now show you on film.

25
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,080
Are you ready?

26
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,120
Lights.

27
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,920
Here we show you the excavation of a
typical Stone-Age dwelling.

28
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:08,160
The lady uncovering the site
is Miss Amelia Fossdyke,

29
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,400
who learned her skilful techniques

30
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,080
under Professor Schwindhofer
of Utrecht.

31
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,880
Notice the typical upland scenery.

32
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,320
Neolithic man
always preferred those areas,

33
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:24,840
as the lower regions were often
forestry and inclined to be swampy.

34
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:30,800
The two large mounds in the
foreground are of especial interest.

35
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,240
It was these which first drew our
attention to the site.

36
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,720
And now we see the site partially
uncovered.

37
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,160
Notice the small indentation in the
middle.

38
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:46,640
The small indentation was probably
caused by a sharpened pole,

39
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,600
which was rammed in to hold up the
roof,

40
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:54,200
the normal method of beginning a
Stone-Age erection.

41
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,600
And now we see Miss Fossdyke

42
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,640
about to uncover something of
enormous interest.

43
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,680
Phwoar!

44
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,640
(LAUGHTER)

45
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,600
Dear, that's not Miss Fossdyke!

46
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,760
They've sent the wrong film,
shut it off!

47
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,520
Turn it off!

48
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,160
AUDIENCE JEERS

49
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,320
Turn it off immediately, I say!

50
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,080
I will not have
this kind of thing shown

51
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,960
in a lecture that I'm in charge of.

52
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,000
Turn it off. Do you understand?

53
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,040
I will not have
this on in my lecture hall.

54
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,280
Turn it off immediately!

55
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,760
I won't have this kind of thing...
Oh!

56
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,840
No, no, I forbid it.
Turn it off immediately!

57
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,400
CROWD CHEERS

58
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,920
I will not have it shown...
Thank goodness.

59
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,480
This is monstrous.
They sent the wrong film.

60
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,520
I do apologise, but what can I do?

61
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,760
ALL: Show it again. Show it again!

62
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,440
Morning, sir.
I did enjoy your lecture last night.

63
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,280
I've never been so embarrassed in my
life.  I thought it was smashing.

64
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,680
Morning, Crump.
I beg your...

65
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,960
Oh, good morning, Dean.
Have you got a moment?

66
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,320
Is it about the lecture?  That's not
what I wanted to talk to you about.

67
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,640
You're off to Templeton?
That's right.

68
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,360
One of the most important finds in
the West, according to reports.

69
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:19,120
It's a field next to a caravan site.
Apparently, they were digging

70
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,840
a new cesspool and found what
appears to be a Roman encampment.

71
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:25,600
What I want to talk to you about is
your assistant.

72
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,440
I don't want an assistant.
I never had one before.

73
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,680
Why do I want an assistant?  In the
interests of cultural relations...

74
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,240
My relations weren't cultured.
My grandmother...

75
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,560
In the interests of cultural
relations,

76
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,320
you'll have to take with
you Professor Vooshka.

77
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,360
(TYRES SQUEALING)

78
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,640
Good mornings.

79
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,680
So sorry.
Well, that's all right.

80
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,720
Don't mention it.

81
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,080
Crump, I'd like you to meet
Professor Anna Vooshka.

82
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,120
How are you doings?

83
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,280
Professor Vooshka is the person I
was telling you about.

84
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,520
What about my caravan?
Never mind about that.

85
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,560
Hire another one when you get down
there.

86
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,960
Professor Vooshka is an expert on
Roman remains.

87
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,480
Yes, I have been examining Hadrian's
Walls.

88
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,920
He only had one.
One what?

89
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,160
Wall, Hadrian's Wall.
He had one wall.

90
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,320
Oh, I'm terribly sorry but my
English not yet perfected.

91
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,560
Oh, that's all right.
I'm glad you two are hitting it off.

92
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,200
What does "hitting it off" mean?
Means like "having it off", no?

93
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,000
No, it means establishing a friendly
relationship.

94
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,040
Oh. That's nice. Yes.

95
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,600
Look after everything, will you,
Crump?  Of course.

96
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,760
I'll send you a party of students to
help with the dig. Good luck.

97
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,800
Thank you, Dean.

98
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,560
And no worry. Professor Crump and I
will soon be having it off.

99
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,600
Hitting it off.

100
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,880
40p. And I'll save you a bit of the
other. Hello, Else.

101
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,600
Hello, love. Give us a bit
of that for my old man.

102
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:04,320
Give that to your husband and you're
in for a night of romance.  Ooh!

103
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,800
Can I do it in the oven?
Do it where you like.

104
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,840
It's your kitchen.
Ooh!

105
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,800
90p and the next lovely lady,
please.

106
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,840
Thank you.

107
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,880
Where are you going?

108
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,920
On one of those health farms.

109
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,960
Oh. What about Fred?

110
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,480
He's taking the caravan.
He's off fishing.

111
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,400
What? On his own?
No, with Ernie Bragg.

112
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,800
Oh, Bragg up the electrical shop.

113
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,360
Yes, that's right.
What about Ernie's wife?

114
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,600
She's coming with me.  Talking of
Ernie,

115
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,560
when is he coming about that fridge?
What do you mean?

116
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,480
He came when you nipped out for a
pint. He's in there.

117
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,560
Oh, no!

118
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,600
I've shut the door on him!

119
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,280
Ernie!

120
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,160
Are you all right?

121
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,200
(GROANS)

122
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,880
Oh, my God!

123
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,920
It's only a sleeve.

124
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,960
(MUMBLES)

125
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,520
(CREAKING)

126
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:20,200
I-I-I-I got the f-f-f-fridge
w-w-w-working.

127
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,240
Aye. You have, haven't you?

128
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,320
I-I-I-I knew it was w-w-w-working

129
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,720
when I f-f-f-felt it
f-f-f-falling off.

130
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,560
Felt what falling off?

131
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:37,080
My di-di-di...

132
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,720
My temperature.

133
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,040
WOMAN: Come on, darling, you know
you can if you want to.

134
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,080
Come on, darling.

135
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,120
Show me what you can do.

136
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,160
Come on.

137
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,200
Out with it.

138
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,920
Ooh! What a beauty!

139
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,160
Hello, darling.

140
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,200
MYNAH: How do you do?
Oh, what a beauty.

141
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,240
He's a mynah.

142
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,280
I thought it was the milkman.

143
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,320
Mummy got hold of him last week.

144
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,920
Who? The milkman?
The mynah bird.

145
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,960
What's it doing here, then?

146
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,720
Well, he...he's coming with us.

147
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:25,560
Hang on a minute. Your mother's not
coming on holiday with us, is she?

148
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,440
What could I say? She asked.

149
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,480
But where is she going to sleep?

150
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,760
We could rent one of those
extension-tent things

151
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,800
that go on the side.

152
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,840
(BARKING)

153
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,920
Oh, I think he wants to come inside
the caravan.

154
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,440
If he's coming with us, he's got to
get used to staying outside.

155
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,480
But supposing it rains?

156
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,520
We'll buy him an umbrella.

157
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,560
(WHINING)

158
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,120
Oh, we should have bought a bigger
caravan.

159
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,760
Should've bought a smaller dog.
We'll leave him in the kennels.

160
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,880
You know very well he couldn't bear
to be parted from us.

161
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,280
He might like it in the kennels.

162
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,120
He might get in with a nice crowd of
dogs and love it.

163
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,880
If he doesn't come, I don't go.

164
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,440
I'm not leaving him.

165
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,800
Now, you behave yourself,
do you hear me?

166
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,160
Yes, dear.  Because if you get up to
anything, I'll find out.

167
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,920
Yes, dear.  Don't worry, love. I will
keep an eye on him.

168
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,960
And who's going to keep an eye on
you?

169
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,000
Bye-bye.
Bye, love.

170
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,040
Ooh!

171
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,600
We must be mad, letting them two go
off together.

172
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,640
They're only going fishing.

173
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,800
Depends what they're trying to
catch.

174
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,080
I shouldn't worry, dear. They
haven't got much in the way of bait.

175
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,120
Ta-ra, lovely. Ta-ra!

176
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,440
You remember, you take care of your
rods.

177
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,480
Ha-ha-ha.

178
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,440
Ta-ta!

179
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,520
Hello, Mummy!

180
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,560
Hello, darling!

181
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,360
Mummy's here.

182
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,960
You're not bringing those, are you?

183
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,080
I can't leave them at home.
They'll die.  Good.

184
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,400
Did you say something?  I said,
"Good, we've finished packing."

185
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,440
Put that on the table, will you?

186
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:27,080
Argh! Bloody hell!
Arthur, there is no need for that.

187
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,120
Oh, bother me. Bless my soul.

188
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,520
I do believe I nearly said a rude
word, which isn't surprising

189
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,240
cos I got a cactus spike right up
my...  Arthur!

190
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,840
Er, who do we see?

191
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,040
Look. Look at that!

192
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,080
BOTH: Phwoar!

193
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,240
He-he-he! Makes you wish you were
single, doesn't it?

194
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,920
As far as this holiday is concerned,
Ernie, we is single,

195
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,960
and don't you forget it.
Oh.

196
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,640
Good day.

197
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,080
How do you do, sir?
How's the weather been?

198
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,120
Oh, excellent. Oh, nice vans, these.

199
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,160
Not bad.
How long?

200
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,560
About 14 feet.
No, no, no.

201
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,920
I mean, how long are you staying?
Depends.

202
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,960
On what?
Whether we get any.

203
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,680
(CHORTLES)
So how long will you be staying?

204
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,160
Well, l-like he says, it depends.

205
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,200
On what?
How long we can stick it.

206
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,160
Yes, well, you can stick it up...

207
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,200
over there, by the hedge.

208
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:47,200
# We're shifting Grandad's grave to
build a sewer

209
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,320
# We're moving it regardless of
expense

210
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,720
# We're shifting his remains

211
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,880
# To lay the council drains

212
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,760
# Protected by the local residents #
ALL: Cor, blimey!

213
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,640
How disgusting!

214
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,480
Who are they?
Archaeologists.

215
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:09,320
Archaeologists?  That's what it said
on the side of the van.

216
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:13,280
Well, they all sound drunk to me.
So they're drunken archaeologists.

217
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,320
Argh!

218
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,360
Arthur! I won't have swearing.

219
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,320
Argh!
(CLATTERING)

220
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,960
(FEMALE LAUGHTER)

221
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,000
Come on, Ern. Let's see what's
about.

222
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,040
I'm just checking my tackle.

223
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,080
WOMAN: Catch it. Oh!

224
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,840
No need to check mine.

225
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:44,120
Hello, girls. That's what I need,
a bit of exercise. (CHUCKLES)

226
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,840
Used to be a left back for Merthyr,
you know.

227
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,640
Don't worry, love. I'll get it.

228
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,680
Argh!

229
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,080
(AIR HISSING)

230
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,640
Hey!

231
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,560
What do you think you're doing?
That belongs to me!

232
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,600
What are you yelling about?

233
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,560
My ball's burning!
Don't stand so close to the fire.

234
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,720
Do you mean
the students got here before us?

235
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,200
Yes. Were you held up?  Yes. Before
we're starting,

236
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,840
we're having quick bang together.
Oh, really?

237
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,480
She ran into my caravan.
What, for a quick...?

238
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,240
No, no, it was a collision.

239
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,880
She collided with it.
Now it's a complete write-off.

240
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,640
That's nasty.
So we are needing accommodation.

241
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,600
Yes. I managed to get the students
fixed up all right.

242
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,440
Bit of a squeeze, mind you.  That
won't hurt them. What about us?

243
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,360
That is the problem. Those were the
only two vans I had for rent.

244
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,800
It's OK, it's OK.
We squeezing in somehow.

245
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,640
We shall do nothing of the sort!
Not with that lot.

246
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,680
Oh, is not worrying me.

247
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,840
When I am on expedition to Gobi
desert,

248
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,640
I am sharing tent with five
men, two goats and one camel.

249
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,760
Five men, two goats and a camel?

250
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,800
Da.
But weren't you...?

251
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,720
Oh, yes, I was, but since this time
I'm always coming prepared.

252
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,840
Oh? What have you got?
I'll show you.

253
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,880
Stink remover.

254
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,160
MYNAH: Hello, darling.
Hold your noise.

255
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,200
MYNAH: Get stuffed!

256
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,520
What did you say?
Show us your knickers.

257
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,280
Mummy has got a surprise coming with
you, hasn't she, mate?

258
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,320
Who's a cheeky boy, then?

259
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,520
You are.
Get stuffed!

260
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,040
Ollie!

261
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,680
Ollie, look what Mummy's brought.
A pressie!

262
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,680
(DOG WHINING)

263
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,720
Yes!

264
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,760
Isn't that lovely, darling?

265
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,600
I do hope he's not annoying you.

266
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,640
No, he's all right.

267
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,680
That's the lot. Now hop it.

268
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,320
Oh, Barnes, this couple want
somewhere to er...

269
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,760
sleep and they'd like to rent your
caravan.

270
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,800
Da. We have look.

271
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,920
Oh, you need look no further, madam.
This way, please.

272
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,960
Do you mind wiping your feet?

273
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,840
Here we are.

274
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,880
All ready to move into.
Just wants a bit of a sweep out.

275
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,720
All the brooms and things are in the
cupboard here and you'll find...

276
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,840
Who was living here?

277
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,880
I was.

278
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,400
How much rent you asking?  Well, I'm
only a simple man, you see.

279
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,440
I don't understand figures.

280
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,200
30 quid a week.
£30?

281
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,240
You must be insane!

282
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,160
All right, then. All right.
25, take it or leave it.

283
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,120
We'll leave it.
We're taking.

284
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,160
15 quids a week.

285
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,200
20.
Now, look here.

286
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,200
The only reason we want this
dilapidated mobile hovel

287
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,120
is for somewhere to do our
operations.  It's my home.

288
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,160
Operations?

289
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:15,080
What kind of operations?
Somewhere to examine our artefacts.

290
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,880
He will be getting them out

291
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,200
and I shall be examining them and
sticking labels on them.

292
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,040
You...you do what you like.
It's still 20 quid a week.

293
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,080
15 is last offer, da?

294
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,120
15 for my lovely home?
Da.

295
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,240
Right. I'm not leaving the bedding.

296
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,640
Which end you sleeping?

297
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,640
You can't be serious.
I mean, look at it.

298
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,720
I soon am scrubbing out.
No, it's not just that.

299
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,480
We can't share a caravan.

300
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,560
Oh, you're thinking you're getting
crampet, no?  Certainly not!

301
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,120
Where on earth did you learn that
expression?

302
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,160
Crampet. Crampet is...

303
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,200
squashet. Is in dictionary.

304
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,240
Crampet is...

305
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,280
squashet together.
Oh!

306
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,680
I see! You mean "cramped".

307
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,040
Is what I say. Crampet.

308
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,480
Crampet. Crumped. Crumpet.

309
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,800
Well, you can be cramped here on
your own.

310
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,040
If you don't mind,
I'm going to the pub.

311
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,400
I'll find a room there.  Maybe you're
getting crampet in pub also.

312
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,320
It says "Caravans only".
Don't worry.

313
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,360
I'll soon chat him up.

314
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,920
How do you do, ladies?
I wonder, could you help us?

315
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,080
Certainly.
What seems to be the trouble?

316
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,120
Could we camp here tonight?

317
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,560
I'm very sorry, girls, it's caravans
only.

318
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,640
Oh, but you see, my friend's hurt
her leg.

319
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,680
Has she? Whereabouts?

320
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,720
Well, it's all over.

321
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,760
I think I must have pulled a muscle.

322
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,800
Oh. Perhaps it needs massaging.

323
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,840
Oh, I'm sure it does, only...
not while I'm on my bike.

324
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,240
No, of course not.
Well, perhaps we could find

325
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,440
a quiet, little spot around here
somewhere.

326
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,560
Oh, I beg your pardon.
What, to massage it?

327
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,280
No. No, no, no. Of course not.
To put your tent up.

328
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,320
Oh, thanks ever so much.

329
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,400
Not at all. If I can be any help at
all,

330
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,960
I shall be only too pleased to put
it up for you.

331
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,000
I'm sure we can manage.

332
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,040
Bye.
Bye.

333
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,080
Oh...

334
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,360
I've got a Wickham's fancy,
a black gnat,

335
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:34,680
a March brown and a ginger quill.

336
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,640
Phwoar! It's warm, isn't it?

337
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,680
Yes.

338
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,840
Phew.

339
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,560
I could do some good with these two.

340
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,600
I could do some good with them two.

341
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,160
Cor.

342
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,200
Look at that!

343
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,360
Yes, they are beautiful, aren't
they?

344
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,400
We could be all right there.

345
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,040
Oh. Oh, yes, I suppose we could.

346
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,360
What's the matter?
Don't you fancy 'em?

347
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,760
Well, it's not that, but...

348
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,560
I can't, Fred.

349
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,640
What do you mean, you can't?

350
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,040
Well, I...I've got a disability.

351
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,480
What sort of disability?

352
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,440
I...I'd rather not tell you.

353
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,440
Oh, Ernest...

354
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,480
You can tell Frederick.

355
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,760
I talk in my sleep.

356
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:35,000
Is that all? I can't see how that is
going to stop you having...

357
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,920
Talk in your sleep?
Your missus, you mean?

358
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,760
That's what she meant when she said
she'd find out.

359
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,120
Well, that's lovely, that is.
You could've told me before.

360
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,840
You're going to ruin my bloody
holiday, you are!

361
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,880
Well, it needn't stop you.

362
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,120
Of course it will. Everything I do,
you tell your missus.

363
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,880
She'll nip round, tell my missus.
Well, we could still go fishing.

364
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,920
I did not come here to go fishing.

365
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,960
I came here to go f...

366
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,000
finding other things to do.

367
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,040
(MOANS)

368
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,360
Would you like to borrow my ginger
quill?

369
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,160
Sandra, this stove's not working
properly.

370
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,000
Well, we dropped it, didn't we?
Let's have a look.

371
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,240
If you fancy them that much,

372
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,480
why don't you go outside and chat
'em up?

373
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,520
What, with you around?

374
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,560
I might not talk in my sleep.

375
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,600
Hmm...

376
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,400
Sorry to bother you...

377
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,440
Oh! Ouch!

378
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,440
Y-Yes?

379
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,600
We can't seem to get our stove
working.

380
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,240
I wondered whether
you could look at it for us.

381
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,280
Yes.
There's nothing missing.

382
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,000
No, I can see that.
Only we're dying for it.

383
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,040
Pardon?
A cup of tea.

384
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,080
Oh. Oh, yes, so are we. I...

385
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,280
Would you like to join us?

386
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,320
Oh, we'd love to, thanks.

387
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,360
Carol!

388
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,400
Would you like to sit down?
Thanks.

389
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,440
My pleasure.

390
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,440
Hello.
H...

391
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,480
(CLEARS THROAT) Hello.

392
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,960
What do we need?
I will clear the...table.

393
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,000
Here, watch my flies.

394
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,680
I beg your pardon!
Oh.

395
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,240
Here, wait. Maybe you're needing.

396
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,280
Oops!

397
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,440
Here, careful.
You could do me an injury.

398
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,480
Yes, easily.

399
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,360
So you are not finding room in pub,
huh?

400
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:42,000
No. I rang all round,
but they're full up.  Hmm.

401
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,040
So you are sleeping in caravan, no?

402
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,600
I suppose we could divide it up
or something.

403
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,320
OK, if you're wishing.

404
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,040
But you are going to help me clean
up caravan, no?

405
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,960
Oh, no, I've got to go and examine
the excavations.

406
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,000
Thank you.

407
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,240
Oh.

408
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,280
Oh, Mummy.

409
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,320
Go in, please.

410
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,360
(DOG BARKS)
Arthur.

411
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:11,000
There are some people with an
enormous dog parked right outside.

412
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,640
I know.  Really, they might have had
some consideration.

413
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,920
They're right on top of us.  You
can't expect a field to yourself.

414
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,640
All right, Mummy. Don't fuss.
Arthur can move the awning.

415
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,680
I am not moving the awning.

416
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,160
Arthur, don't be awkward.
I am not being awkward.

417
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,560
Oh, for heaven's sake, don't argue
over me.  It's all very well for you.

418
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,880
I cannot stand squabbling!
(DOG BARKS)

419
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,400
Oh, my God.
Now I've got one of my headaches.

420
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,440
I'll find you an aspirin.

421
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,280
Get stuffed!

422
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,320
What did you say to me?
Nothing.

423
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,200
It was him.  How dare you speak to
Mummy like that!

424
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,240
It was him, I tell you.

425
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,280
Go on. Say it again.

426
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,320
MYNAH: How do you do?

427
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,640
He won't say it now.
For the very good reason

428
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,320
he didn't say it in the first place.
He may be your husband, Linda,

429
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,480
but Arthur never has been and never
will be a gentleman!

430
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,640
I think it might be better if you
slept out here.  Don't worry.

431
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,680
I wouldn't come in there
if you paid me.

432
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,680
He's just like your father.
He's coarse.

433
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,000
And I can't stand coarse men.
That's the reason I left him.

434
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,560
Well, I'm not leaving Arthur.
You just wait.

435
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,680
He'll soon stop shaving and start
looking like a tramp.

436
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,720
Oh, Mummy, please.

437
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,200
Ah.

438
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,240
It's bird nesting.

439
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,040
Where exactly were these Roman
remains found?

440
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,080
In the new cesspit.
Oh.

441
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,960
Hey! That's the old cesspit.

442
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,000
Aaargh!

443
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,480
Aargh! I'm in the pit!

444
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,520
Here! Don't pollute it.

445
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,640
Ah. Scrubber.

446
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,960
Scrubber no working.

447
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,960
Borrowing from comrades.

448
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,040
Excuse, please.
Yes?

449
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,080
Ah! Is nice, hm?

450
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,120
Is very nice, no?

451
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,080
In this caravan you're not getting
much crampet, no?

452
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,120
Pardon?
Crampet.

453
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,160
Yes, that's what I thought you said.

454
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,800
You see, I am keeping...how you say,
dirty caravan.

455
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,960
Keeping a what?  You see, I am having
birds in my caravan.

456
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,000
You want to come see?

457
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,040
No, thank you. Not just now.

458
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,080
Therefore, I'm going around camp
looking for scrubbers.

459
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,680
Really?

460
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,640
Well, I suppose we ought to start
getting our dinner.

461
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,600
Oh, why don't you
have dinner with us?

462
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,640
Oh, we couldn't.

463
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,960
Why not? We've got plenty, haven't
we?  Oh, yes. We've got er...

464
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,360
roast chicken, roast potatoes,
sausages, Brussel sprouts and...

465
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,400
Stuffing.

466
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:03,600
Unless, of course,
you don't fancy it.

467
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,640
Oh, no, we quite like it.

468
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,680
Providing it's well done.

469
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,720
Here. Shall we do it for them?

470
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:15,160
Do...

471
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,200
Do what?
Cook the dinner.

472
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,440
Well, yeah, if you want to.

473
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,480
Come on, then.
Ohh!

474
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,520
Here.

475
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,560
That's my Wickham's fancy.

476
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,600
Well, it was sticking in me.

477
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,920
You're lucky it wasn't his ginger
quill.

478
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,400
Oh. Yes?
Hello.

479
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,920
Excuse me, do you have scrubbers in
caravan?

480
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,960
No. Certainly not.

481
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,000
Ooh!

482
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,040
(FEMALE LAUGHTER)

483
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,040
Ollie!

484
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,080
Ollie? Ollie!

485
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,120
(CAWING)

486
00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:59,160
Where's Ollie gone?
I don't know.

487
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,200
Must be round here somewhere.

488
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,160
Get stuffed.

489
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,120
Show us your knickers.

490
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,160
Ollie!
Come on. Where are you?

491
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,200
Ollie!

492
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,640
Here, push off. Ow!

493
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,680
Ollie!

494
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,640
Argh!
Look, look.

495
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,680
Do that voice. Do the voice, you
know, the one he likes.  No!

496
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,280
Go on, do the voice.
Ollie, where are you?

497
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,880
Not the cross voice.

498
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:28,920
The Daddy voice.

499
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,840
How are you doings?
Fine, thanks.

500
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,640
Ah, Mr Rolands.

501
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,120
I was finding your clothing in the
caravan.

502
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,560
You were falling into something
nasty, no?

503
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,480
You can't come in here!
You're a woman.

504
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,840
Yes, I know. So what?
Bath is for men only?

505
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,240
Yes!
Mr Rolands,

506
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,720
this is discrimination. In my
country, bath is also for women.

507
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,120
Yes, but not in here.
You have to go next door.

508
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,960
Of course. I'm not coming in with
you, Mr Rolands.

509
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,000
I am going next door.

510
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,320
But, Miss...Miss...Miss...

511
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,560
Vooshka.
Vooshka. Yes, Miss Vooshka.

512
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,280
In England, men and women bath
separately.

513
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,720
Oh, of course.
In my country also,

514
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,600
except when there is shortage of hot
water.

515
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,440
Now...now, look, Miss...

516
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,480
Vooshka.
Yes, Miss Vooshka.

517
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:57,200
You will please take care of my
clothing, hang them up.  Well, I...

518
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,720
Well, I mean...
Well, I mean, Miss Vooshka...

519
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,760
Oh.

520
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,040
They're not mine.

521
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,080
They're hers.

522
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,640
Yes.

523
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,680
Terrible...mistake.

524
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,040
Gone?
Yes, look!

525
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,760
But how did it get out?
Arthur must have done it.

526
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,000
He wouldn't, Mummy.
Well, where is he?

527
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,400
He went for a shower.
Well, then, let's go and find him.

528
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,240
Oh, look, I don't know where he is.
We should never have brought him.

529
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,080
Maybe he's gone off into the woods.
Shall I go and have a look?  Yeah.

530
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,120
I'm having a shower.

531
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,520
Hello. How are you doings?

532
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,680
Is that a woman?
Yes.

533
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,720
Bloody hell.

534
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,240
Hello. How are you doings?

535
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,280
I thought it was men in there.

536
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,840
Is truth, but there's only one, I
think.

537
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,920
Well, if she can go in there, so can
I.

538
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,760
Arthur!

539
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,440
Oh...

540
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:47,120
Oh, I do beg your pardon, only my
husband has one just like yours.

541
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,160
Eh?
The same colour.

542
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,520
And it's also creased and wrinkled.

543
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,480
Only, you've both got one the same.

544
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,440
See if you can get a bottle of
Sauternes.

545
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,400
It's only a local pub.
Probably end up with scrumpy.

546
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,440
Hey!
Waah!

547
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,640
What about your disability, then?

548
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,680
Ah. I thought about that.

549
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,240
If I keep calling Carol "Charlie",
I'll be all right.

550
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,280
What good will that do?

551
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,640
If I talk in my sleep, it won't
sound so bad.

552
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,200
The wife will think I'm talking
about a fella.

553
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,240
Could sound a bloody sight worse.

554
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,080
Eh?
Give us a kiss.

555
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:34,800
Oh, shut up.

556
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,840
I think we'll move on in the
morning.

557
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,600
Oh, yes.
These caravan sites are all alike.

558
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,440
They're all married couples.
There's never any fellas.

559
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,360
Well, apart from those two.
Blimey!

560
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,720
You're not after them, are you?
Are you kidding?

561
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,120
You can tell they're married.  Still,
we are getting a dinner for nothing.

562
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,040
Don't kid yourself.
We aren't getting it for nothing.

563
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,560
Oh, yes, we are.
Oh, no, we're not.

564
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,800
We've flippin' well got to cook it.
Oh.

565
00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,840
Where's the fat gone?

566
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,880
Mind your...
Aaah!

567
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920
(BARKING)

568
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,320
Where's it gone?
A dirty great dog's got it.

569
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,360
(GROWLING)

570
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,440
(BEEPING)

571
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,720
(BARKING)

572
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,760
Eurgh!

573
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,040
What is it?

574
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,080
Our dinner.
Well, can't be helped.

575
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,120
No, it was our fault.

576
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,280
Look, we were just going out for a
meal.

577
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,320
Oh, yes!

578
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,360
Why not come with us?
All right.

579
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,360
Why not? We'll go and get some
clothes on.  Why bother?

580
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,400
Ollie! Ollie...

581
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,440
MYNAH: Hello, darling.

582
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,800
Hello, darling.
Show us your knickers.

583
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,840
Major!

584
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,320
Major, there's a man in those
bushes.

585
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,360
Oh, really?
He said something.

586
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,920
Oh. He did, did he?
What did he say?

587
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,960
Well, it was...

588
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,000
rude.
Oh.

589
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,040
Like that, is it? Well, don't worry.

590
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,600
I'll not tolerate people like that
on my camp.

591
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:25,040
I'll have him packed and away from
here the moment I catch him.

592
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,800
MYNAH: Oh, what a beauty!

593
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,720
You're round here somewhere, mate.
I can hear you.

594
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,280
Get stuffed!  And that's how you're
going to end up.

595
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,640
(CAWS)

596
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,680
Ha-ha-ha.

597
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,280
(WHISTLES A TUNE)

598
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,520
Got you!
Shh...

599
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,560
Go away.
What?

600
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,600
I'm after a bird.
You filthy swine!

601
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,640
Ow! You maniac!

602
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,120
You frightened it away.
Frightened what away?

603
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,160
The mynah bird!

604
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,200
Hey!

605
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,760
Hey, have you seen a big dog around
here anywhere?

606
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,720
I've got better things to do than
look for dogs, mate.

607
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:36,360
There's a couple of quid in it for
you, if you find him.  Two pounds?

608
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,480
Leave it to me, sir. I'll find him.
What does he look like?

609
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,520
MAN: Ow!

610
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,440
#...the mountain

611
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,440
# Coming round the mountain when she
comes

612
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,280
# Singing aye, aye, yippee...

613
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,320
(WHISTLES) Hey, Ernie, look!

614
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,360
Cor, blimey!

615
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,440
Argh!

616
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,040
Oh, no! Look.

617
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,080
Oops.

618
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,120
That's not a chicken.

619
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,160
It's turned into black bangers.

620
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,200
Where are they?

621
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,080
"We had to go out. Dinner in oven."

622
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,840
Charming!
Just like being married to 'em.

623
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,880
Oh, no, that smells awful!

624
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,920
(BARKING)

625
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:42,400
Well, if this is the new cesspit,
why is all the earth over there?

626
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,040
Perhaps they're using for filling in
old hole.

627
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,680
Oh, yes. I never thought of that.

628
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,560
An interesting example of Roman
tessellation.

629
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:02,520
Tessellation, is name for what
they're doing, huh?

630
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:06,280
It simply means various Roman pieces
get laid...

631
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,320
on cement.

632
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,680
Ooh!
Is very uncomfortable for them, no?

633
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,520
Professor er...
Vooshka. Vooshka!

634
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,360
Professor Vooshka,
you are the Roman expert.  Da.

635
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,920
Would you say this was
some sort of Roman temple?

636
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,160
No, Professor Crump, no.
Is no temple.

637
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:26,320
In my opinion, is place where Roman
soldiers are coming for drinking

638
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,480
and for women, and for...
Yes, quite.

639
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,800
I know what you mean.  What is name
for a place like this in English?

640
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,600
In English?  This place
where soldiers are coming

641
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,320
for drinking and for women and
for...  Yes, yes.

642
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,360
It is called the NAAFI.
NAAFI.

643
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,400
Ah. So this is Roman NAAFI, no?

644
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,440
Yes.
Da, da, da.

645
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,480
And lady taking money at door is...

646
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,520
NAAFI keeper. No?

647
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,560
Yes, she is.

648
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:53,840
In which case, we are outside main
camp on perimeter, meaning...

649
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:58,200
meaning...that main camp is buried
underneath caravan site.

650
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,680
But would they have this...
establishment so far away?

651
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,240
It's not far walk from camp.
It's an awful long way to walk back.

652
00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:09,880
Anyway, tomorrow we are poking holes
all over caravan site with spikes.

653
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,040
I don't think they'll like that at
all!

654
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,200
Oh, is all right.
We're poking early.

655
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,200
Before others are awaking.

656
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,240
Oh, yes, yes.

657
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,120
Oh!
Aaah!

658
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,520
Oh, Professor Crump,
what are you doing?

659
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,880
I...I slipped.
You understand? I slipped.

660
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,400
Is atmosphere of Roman NAAFI
affecting you?

661
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,440
Here, what do you mean?

662
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:38,200
I mean place where soldiers come for
drinking and for women...  I...

663
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,240
I never touch it.
Never?

664
00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:42,280
Never.
Perhaps you should try it.

665
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,320
Certainly not.

666
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,160
We have saying in Russia: "Vyeshka
nyet velinka."

667
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,200
Oh. What does it mean?

668
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,240
Never look gift bird in beak. Da.

669
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,040
He wants in.

670
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,840
Time you got a shave, Ern.

671
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,880
Eh, give over! It was me.

672
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,920
Cheers.

673
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,600
(BARKS)

674
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,640
I think he's hungry. Here you are.

675
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,840
I don't think he's had any dinner.

676
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,480
I don't know about that.
He's had most of ours.

677
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,760
I wonder where that chicken went.

678
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,160
I don't know. Come to that, where
did them birds get to?

679
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,920
I'm not really worried. There's
plenty of them where they come from.

680
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:28,040
Oh, come on, enjoy yourself.
We're supposed to be on holiday.

681
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,080
I am enjoying myself.

682
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,240
Well, you don't look like it.
Well, I was,

683
00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,280
till you picked them birds up.

684
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,120
Now I can't think of anything else.

685
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,920
You know his trouble, don't you?

686
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,720
He's crumpet-struck.
I like that!

687
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:46,320
So do we.
It's you that's crumpet-struck.

688
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,360
I wanted to go fishing.

689
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:52,520
All right. You want to go fishing,
we will go fishing.

690
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,840
And bring the rest of that plonk
with you.

691
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,800
Hee, hee! Good lad.

692
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,840
Ollie!
Ollie!

693
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,800
(GROWLS)

694
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,840
God help us!

695
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,000
(WHINES)

696
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,480
(CHUCKLES)

697
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,520
Ollie!

698
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,560
Ah...

699
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:17,840
Ollie!
(BARKS)

700
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,240
Ollie!

701
00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:25,280
Found him all right, didn't I?

702
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,400
Oh, look. Hello.
Well, where was he?

703
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,720
Must have been seven or eight miles
away.

704
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:33,200
Ollie.  Well, I promised you a couple
of quid.

705
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,240
Yeah.

706
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:37,280
That's mine.
One.

707
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,320
Get off! Two.
Funny little chap.

708
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,440
Little lad's trying to take my
money.

709
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,480
(GROWLS)
Mind you...

710
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,440
I'm not complaining.
I must have used

711
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,600
a couple of quids' worth of
wellington boots bringing him back.

712
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,640
Oh, Joe, give him some more.

713
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,680
Little chap.

714
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,440
Ooh! Got a cold nose, hasn't he?
Must be healthy!

715
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,480
Thank you, madam.

716
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,640
Ah, Mr Barnes.
I'm wanting you very badly.

717
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,680
Why, what's the matter with him?

718
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,080
We are thinking, perhaps we are
finding something in the alluvium.

719
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,080
Don't tell me it's blocked up again.
What she means is,

720
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,640
we've just been in that hole you
dug.  Have you?

721
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,160
Well, there's a proper one over
there. Phew.

722
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,920
When you are digging hole, perhaps
you're finding some artefacts, no?

723
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,400
Arty what?
You know, old Roman relics.

724
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,560
Swords, brooches, helmets...

725
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,200
Oh! Oh, oh, yes, I see.

726
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,240
Supposing I did?

727
00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:33,680
We are wanting.
Ah, yes, but what I find is mine.

728
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,040
Well, we're willing to pay you for
the articles.  All right!

729
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,760
Now you're talking. I'll bring you
some round in the morning.  Da.

730
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,360
Hello, darling.
Show us your knickers.

731
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,400
(CLUCKING)

732
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,440
Come on. You want stuffing, huh?

733
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,640
That's what I call a Roman artefact.

734
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,440
YELPS

735
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,400
Here, you might knock or something,
I was getting undressed.

736
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,800
Is luxury, undressing on expedition.

737
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,120
When I was in Gobi desert, we did
not undress for ten weeks.

738
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,760
You didn't take your clothes off for
ten weeks?

739
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:26,800
Well, most of them.

740
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,840
I see. Ooh.

741
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,560
You see, is necessary.
If not, someone stealing them.

742
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,680
That won't happen here, I assure
you.

743
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,560
Great!
It's good enough for Julius Caesar.

744
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,600
# Where's my Barbara

745
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,160
(WHISTLES) Not back, Ern.

746
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,200
Who cares? Fred!

747
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,560
Careful.
You nearly tripped over that rope.

748
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,040
You've got to be more careful.
You could've... Aaah!

749
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:09,440
# I've been a young fool and you're
an old man's fancy

750
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:13,440
# Where are you going, Gwyneth Gwyn?

751
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,480
# And Gareth...

752
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,440
Hey!

753
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,480
There's their gas stove.

754
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,280
We do not want it, Ernest.
Neither do we.

755
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,840
I'll tell you what.
I'll take it back to their tent.

756
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:29,880
Good idea, Ern.
Yeah.

757
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:34,880
Then there is no excuse for them to
come round here disrepreting...

758
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:39,040
disruperting...
disraputating our trinquality.

759
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,840
Admirably put, Ern.
Thank you, Fred.

760
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:46,120
Who's a good girl, then?
Look at me when I'm talking to you.

761
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,160
Aaargh!

762
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,440
Ernest! Is you all right?

763
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,480
I...I've dropped it.

764
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,520
Ah! I've found it.

765
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,560
Hey, hey!

766
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,600
Shh...

767
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,640
(HUMS TUNE)

768
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,680
Ooh!

769
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:07,000
(GAS HISSING)
Shh! All right, Fred.

770
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,240
I'm in bed, Professor.

771
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,120
Are you ready?
Ready for what?

772
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,160
For turning off the light.

773
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,200
Oh, ye-e-es.

774
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:21,240
Good night.

775
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,440
What happened? Argh!

776
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,360
Must be strike of lightning, no?
I've been struck.

777
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,920
Oh! Ow! I'm injured.

778
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,960
Oh! My head is broken.

779
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,120
Oh, no, no, no worry.
I am coming soon.

780
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,160
Oh!

781
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,200
Ah!

782
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,040
Professor Crump! Professor Crump!

783
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,480
(GASPS) Professor Crump.

784
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,680
No worry. I am bandaging your
bleeding head.

785
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,720
What the hell did that, then?

786
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,480
Has been struck by
strike of lightning, no?

787
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,160
You perhaps doctors?

788
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:06,800
Why? Where does it hurt?  Er, no.

789
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,240
Must be finding doctors.
Man is injured.

790
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:12,040
What man?
Is professor of archaeology.

791
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,680
Is bleeding terrible.

792
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,920
Never mind his qualifications. Is
he hurt badly?  Is hurt badly, da.

793
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,120
Is in caravan.  Don't worry.
I will handle it.

794
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,040
Thank you. Is very nice. Thank you.

795
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,400
He was a lance corporal in
the Army Medical Corps.

796
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,320
Da. I'm going finding ambulance.

797
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,040
Fred.

798
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,080
Fred?

799
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:35,920
(HUMS)

800
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,480
How is he?  Have you got a mirror?

801
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,240
Why, are we going out?

802
00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:47,920
I want a mirror.

803
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:49,600
Yes, I'll...I'll get one.

804
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,560
Ooh. Good morning.
Could I borrow...?

805
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,800
(GIGGLES) It's me.

806
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:32,000
Is...is he dead?
Of course he's dead!

807
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,240
Then, what's the mirror for?

808
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,160
I want a second opinion.

809
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:44,560
Go on.  All right.

810
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:47,720
Have a look.

811
00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:51,760
He's still there.

812
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,480
Is the glass misted over?

813
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,440
No.

814
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,480
He's dead.

815
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:04,600
Ow! No, I'm not.

816
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,640
I'm not. Am I?

817
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,880
He must have been
holding his breath.

818
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:12,240
Aaah! Ooh!
It's all right, lovely boy.

819
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:14,960
You're in good hands.
What are you?  A butcher.

820
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:16,720
Oh, no!

821
00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:18,760
It's all right.
I knows what I'm doing.

822
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,480
Haven't they got any real doctors?
Just relax.

823
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,560
Tell me where it hurts.
I'll start with your legs.  (GROANS)

824
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,600
(YELLS) That hurts.

825
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:30,160
(WAILS) Oh, it hurts all over.

826
00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:35,040
I suspect multiple fractures.
We need splints.

827
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,200
Well, come on. Don't hang about.
Break the damn thing off.

828
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,080
Oh, no!  Relax!

829
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:43,040
Here.

830
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:46,280
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

831
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:47,920
Aah...

832
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,680
(SNAPPING) Ooh!

833
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,800
My theodolite's broken.

834
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:55,320
What do we do?  We'd better put
a splint on that as well.

835
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,480
Here we are, my dear.

836
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:17,120
Na zdorovye.  Bless you.

837
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,320
You're not to worry.

838
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:22,480
I'm sure he's going to be perfectly
all right.  Such a great pity.

839
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:24,520
He was such a good colleague.

840
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:28,360
And to be struck down just as we
were having it off... (TUTS)

841
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,000
Really?

842
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,840
Damned hard luck there, then.

843
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,160
Happened to a friend of mine
in India. (CLEARS THROAT)

844
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,720
Yes, he was up in the jungle
with the colonel's wife.

845
00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:39,440
They fell off an elephant.

846
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,200
Oh, no.
"Having it off" is not right.

847
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:43,840
Oh, I wouldn't say that.

848
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,560
I mean, these days... Hmm?

849
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,560
I suppose you won't want
to be going back to

850
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,880
that caravan of yours tonight,
will you?

851
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,920
Why not?  Well, you know...

852
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,240
I mean, painful associations.

853
00:47:56,240 --> 00:47:58,040
Um...

854
00:47:58,040 --> 00:47:59,840
What I mean is um...um...

855
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,400
What I mean is, you could
sleep here, if you wanted.

856
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,640
That is most kind of you.

857
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,640
You have all that digging to do,
haven't you?

858
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:11,880
(CHUCKLES) You'll want a good rest.

859
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:16,240
You might want to...  Thank you,
but I'm already getting plenty.

860
00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:19,760
Yes, but I'm not.  Then I must not
keep you awake any longer, Major.

861
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,040
I'm sorry, Major,
but I'm not loving you.

862
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:25,720
Yes, but...

863
00:48:25,720 --> 00:48:29,320
You see, when I love a man,
I give him everything.

864
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:30,960
I give it all.

865
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:34,400
But I don't want it all.

866
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,600
I just want a bit.

867
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,280
MAN: Hey! Hey-hey!
WOMAN: Oooh!

868
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,120
(LAUGHTER FROM VAN)

869
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,080
Good night, then.
Here, give us a kiss.

870
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,160
Thank you ever so much.
Bye!

871
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,480
Thank you.  Night.
See you tomorrow.

872
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,720
Bye.  Bye.

873
00:48:50,720 --> 00:48:53,120
(GASPS) What happened?

874
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:54,960
Oh. Oh...

875
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,040
Oh. Oh, dear...

876
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,200
It was struck by lightning.
We haven't had any lightning.

877
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:02,040
We have had here.

878
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:06,480
That's what did it.
You were mending it.

879
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,840
Aye, well, Ernie put it back
in your tent, see, and...

880
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:11,520
...blew it up.

881
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:14,160
Well, what are you going
to do about it?

882
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:16,320
Where are we going to sleep tonight?

883
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,040
Ssh! Not so loud.

884
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:20,080
I'll tell you what.

885
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,320
Come in the van and we'll...
discuss it.

886
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:31,720
Right, ladies,
just make yourselves comfortable.

887
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:34,520
And don't worry.
We'll buy you a new tent.

888
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,960
Oh, yes and er, new bedding, new...

889
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,080
whatever else you lost.

890
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,800
What, tonight?

891
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:44,000
Not tonight. Be reasonable.

892
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:48,320
Tonight you'll just have to...
sleep here.

893
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:50,480
All right, then.

894
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,560
And, by the way,
where are you two sleeping?

895
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:56,480
Where do you think?

896
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:05,120
Now let's take a look at his head.

897
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,360
(GROANS)
It's all right.

898
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:09,800
We'll soon have you on your feet.
Oh, I feel so queer.

899
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,480
Yes, of course you do.  Oh!

900
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,760
Aah. Ooh!

901
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:17,440
(SNIFFS)

902
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,240
Here, what are you, a vampire?

903
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:25,160
It's tomato sauce.

904
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:26,800
Tomato sauce?

905
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,880
Or tomato ketchup.
What's the difference?  2p a bottle.

906
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,720
Is it? Anyway, it's not blood.
Well, I don't understand.

907
00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:35,560
Neither do I.  So there's absolutely
nothing wrong with him?

908
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,720
Apart from that splinter in his -
That's quite enough, isn't it?

909
00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:40,400
I'll attend to it in a minute.

910
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:43,720
Meanwhile, I think you owe us some
sort of explanation.  I do?

911
00:50:43,720 --> 00:50:46,760
You come in here covered in tomato
sauce, lashed up to a theodolite

912
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:49,040
with a splinter in your -
Well, I'm all confused.

913
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:51,080
It's all dreadfully confusing.

914
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,080
Now we're alone, try and remember
exactly what happened.

915
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:58,840
Well, I got into bed and
Miss Vooshka turned out the light.

916
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,600
So you were in bed with a Miss...

917
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:02,640
No. I was up the other end.

918
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,280
Ah.

919
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:05,920
The other end of what?

920
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,480
The caravan. She was up the one end.
I was up the other.

921
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:12,720
And then I suddenly saw
a quick flash.

922
00:51:12,720 --> 00:51:14,360
Oh. Did you?

923
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,280
Ye-yes.
I thought at first it was lightning.

924
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,920
Then I suddenly received
this violent blow to the head

925
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,520
and after that,
I don't remember anything.

926
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,320
Just a moment. I think I know where
your splinter came from.

927
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,000
Do you? Where?

928
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,680
From your splint.  Oh.

929
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,720
Well-Well, it's dreadfully painful.

930
00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:32,760
Do you think you could...get it out?

931
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,800
I'll take a look at it. Nurse.

932
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,480
It's a big one, Doctor.

933
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,120
Yes, I know.

934
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:40,160
But it's only a small splinter.

935
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,320
Aargh!

936
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:55,120
Hello.  Hello.  Good morning,
Miss Vooshka.

937
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,160
Thank you.

938
00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:04,000
Professor Crump,
you're recovering, no?

939
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,040
Yes, except for
a very sore toe, big toe.

940
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,920
Poor Professor Crump,
but never mind.

941
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,800
We up nice and early and
bushy-tailed for making holes.

942
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,080
Yes. Would you mind if
I have a cup of tea first?

943
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,720
No, first we're making holes,
Professor Crump.

944
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,680
(Dig your own hole.)

945
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:27,040
Hello, darling.

946
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,680
(Ssh! Mummy's still asleep.)
Thanks.

947
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:33,400
How did you sleep?  Rotten.
Oh, so did I.

948
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,440
I missed you.

949
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:37,280
Well, you told me to sleep out here.

950
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,320
I'm sorry. Well, you made me angry.

951
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:43,560
Trouble is,
now Mummy's moved into the caravan,

952
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,800
I don't know if we can.
That's all right.

953
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,440
You can sleep out here with me.

954
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:51,040
But it's only a single bed.
There's plenty of room.

955
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,960
Look, I'll show you.
(Stop it. You'll wake...)

956
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:56,720
Ow!

957
00:52:56,720 --> 00:52:58,680
Arthur, what are you doing?

958
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,560
I've just trodden in my breakfast.

959
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,720
Well, I wish you'd do it more
quietly.

960
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:04,840
(CHICKENS CLUCK)

961
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,960
(CHUCKLES)

962
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,400
Lovely new-laid eggs.

963
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:14,440
Ooh.

964
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,480
Ooooh.

965
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,520
Oh, it must be a Roman egg.

966
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:20,160
Oh, dear. Oh, Lord.

967
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:22,600
Oh... I can't get away from myself.

968
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:28,320
Whoa!  Ah.
You're hitting underground spring.

969
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,080
It's the water mains.

970
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,840
(GURGLING)

971
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,400
(Psh! Someone's coming.)

972
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:06,000
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

973
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,880
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
Morning.

974
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:09,800
Morning.

975
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:13,520
Merely admiring the view.

976
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,400
I-I wasn't looking over there,
I was looking over there.

977
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,000
That happens to be my wife.

978
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:26,720
Oh...

979
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:33,440
(ERN SLURPS)

980
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:37,600
(ERN CONTINUES SLURPING)

981
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:41,120
(PROLONGED SLURPING)

982
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:47,680
I must say, you cooks cornflakes
much better than Ernest does.

983
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:49,440
Thanks.

984
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:51,600
When are we going shopping?  Oh.

985
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:53,920
You mean the tent?  And the rest.

986
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,320
We've lost all our clothes, and
everything.

987
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:58,680
I don't know how you did it.

988
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:01,760
Well, I don't, neither.

989
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:05,360
To tell you the truth, I think it
was because we had too much wine.

990
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,120
Ah. Barnes.

991
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:08,920
(CLEARS THROAT) What's that?

992
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:10,960
It's a genuine Roman helmet.

993
00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:14,440
Oh, is it? Looks more like an old
tin hat with the rim knocked off.

994
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:16,640
Well, you're not an archaeologist,
are you?

995
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:19,960
Well, I'm getting reports that the
showers aren't working properly.

996
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:21,600
Don't ask me. I never use 'em.

997
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,360
Well, that's obvious.

998
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:25,400
For now, I'll check inside.

999
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,120
You look at the stopcock.

1000
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,080
Damned vandals.

1001
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,320
Some damned fool's turned them off.

1002
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,440
Ah! Look, turn that damn thing off.

1003
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:50,600
You turn it off.
You're wetter than I am.

1004
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:52,240
That's a matter of opinion.

1005
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:55,520
Aah. Ooh. Ooooooh!

1006
00:55:57,360 --> 00:56:00,120
Ernest, sit down.
No, I can't sit down.

1007
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,760
You see, I think I've...

1008
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:03,400
Oooh.

1009
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:06,840
(CHUCKLES)

1010
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:08,520
I don't care what you say,

1011
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:11,120
there are some very odd people on
this site.

1012
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:13,360
You're making it up.  I am not.

1013
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:15,400
And what about that Peeping Tom?

1014
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,640
I'd like to know what he's...
(LIQUID SPURTS)

1015
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:28,480
Oh, hello, Major.

1016
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,000
No sign of him, I suppose?
Er, sign of who?

1017
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,520
My mynah bird.  Oh, no. No, no, no.

1018
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,600
What we intend to do is to
broadcast the fact that he's lost.

1019
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:39,960
Broadcast it?  Yes, from our new
public-address system here.

1020
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:43,000
Ah.  Come with me.
I'll show it to you.

1021
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,880
(HAMMERING AND SAWING)

1022
00:56:51,720 --> 00:56:54,160
Damn it, man.
That's not the colour I ordered.

1023
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:55,880
It's what we were given.

1024
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,280
But I ordered leaf green.
That's not leaf green.

1025
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,160
You'll have to change it.

1026
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:04,240
Have you finished?  Just about.

1027
00:57:04,240 --> 00:57:06,280
Well, I'm glad something's finished.

1028
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,320
We're opening this damn place on
Saturday.

1029
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:10,480
Sit down, my dear.

1030
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:12,120
No...

1031
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,440
Come on. We'll try it.

1032
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:16,240
I haven't finished testing it yet.

1033
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,040
That's just what I'm about to do.

1034
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:20,880
All right, then.

1035
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:23,000
(HIGH-PITCHED WHINE)

1036
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,320
Good morning, caravanners.

1037
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,160
This is Major Leep speaking.

1038
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:32,800
(FAINT SPEECH AND STATIC)

1039
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,840
..and this is one of the amenities
we have installed

1040
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,240
to make your stay here more
enjoyable.

1041
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:43,280
(HIGH-PITCHED BEEP)

1042
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:46,080
(BEEPING INTENSIFIES)

1043
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:48,840
(BEEPING SUBSIDES)

1044
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:50,600
Try it now. Go on.

1045
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:52,800
I'll start again.

1046
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:54,920
This is Major Leep speaking.

1047
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,480
This is one of the amenities
we have installed

1048
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,920
to make your stay here more
enjoyable.

1049
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:04,600
All the site news at regular
intervals and any urgent messages.

1050
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:08,080
It will also enable me
to keep in touch with my staff

1051
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:10,600
and see that
they're doing their jobs properly.

1052
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,720
And now, one or two reminders of
site...

1053
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:15,360
(MUFFLED)...regulations.

1054
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:18,080
These are made for everybody's
benefit.

1055
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:19,760
And now...

1056
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:22,080
(MUFFLED) ..a case of vandalism in
the showers.

1057
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:25,840
Someone has deliberately
ripped one off

1058
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:29,160
and for those responsible for
puncturing the water...

1059
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:31,080
...a warning.

1060
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:34,680
..a valuable talking mynah bird.

1061
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:36,760
And that is all for the moment.

1062
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:38,760
Message ends.

1063
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:40,720
That ought to get some results.

1064
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:42,440
Get stuffed.

1065
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:48,680
We are arriving on site,
making preliminary survey.

1066
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:54,120
Professor Crump and I are living in
caravan together.

1067
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,400
We have been all over the site,
poking.

1068
00:58:57,400 --> 00:59:00,560
Look, don't you think it would be
better if I wrote the report?

1069
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:03,000
Who's expert on Romans, you or I?

1070
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:04,680
You are.

1071
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:07,440
Then will you please continue,
Professor Crump?

1072
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:12,080
First we are finding remains of
Roman paving

1073
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:16,640
showing pictures of
an erotic nature.

1074
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:20,040
One of the pictures
is showing an...

1075
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:22,680
..a wenus.  A what?

1076
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:24,600
A wenus.

1077
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:27,800
Certainly, you must know
what a wenus is, no?

1078
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:30,720
Well, it's neither one thing
nor the other, really, is it?

1079
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:34,520
A wenus, Professor Crump,
is the goddess of love.

1080
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:36,560
Oh, you mean Venus.

1081
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:38,200
Is what I am saying.

1082
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,480
Wenus.  We... We... Ve... Ve... Yes.

1083
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:46,080
OK. Next to her is standing your
man, who's holding his...

1084
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:47,840
Er, I don't know word.

1085
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:51,160
You are seen what man is holding in
his hand, no?  Ye-es.

1086
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,360
What are you calling it in English?

1087
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,560
Well, you've a very large choice,
really.  No, it's not.

1088
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:58,880
It's one short word.
Much to the point.

1089
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:03,000
Well, it's long weapon
with bend in middle.

1090
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,240
Oh, you mean a bow.

1091
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:07,080
Bow.  Oh, a bow.  A bow.
A bow and arrow.

1092
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:09,320
I thought you meant the chap who was
firing it.

1093
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:12,080
In England we call him Cupid or
Eros.

1094
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:13,960
Is not mattering, Professor Crump.

1095
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,600
You will continue, no.

1096
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:21,520
He is firing arrow
which is hitting people in 'arse.

1097
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,160
In what?

1098
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:25,200
Hitting people in 'arse.

1099
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,160
In a...  Harse.

1100
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:31,440
Harse.  Oh, I see.

1101
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,560
There.  Da.

1102
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:38,240
(WHISTLES)

1103
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:41,600
It is time for knocking it off.
For what?

1104
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:50,480
You shouldn't have brought us all
this.

1105
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,200
No, it was ever so nice of you.

1106
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:54,240
Still, we'll make it up to you.

1107
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,080
How?  I wonder what they'd like.

1108
01:00:57,080 --> 01:01:00,040
We'll soon have this up for you.
Oh, thanks.

1109
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:03,080
Anyway, we'll just pop in the
caravan and get our things off.

1110
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:08,960
D-Do you reckon?

1111
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:10,720
It looks like it.

1112
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:14,200
Waste of time putting it up, then.
I wouldn't say that, Ern.

1113
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:16,240
(LOW CONVERSATION)

1114
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:19,760
Hi.  All right?

1115
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,120
We're ready.

1116
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:23,880
(BOTH CRY OUT)

1117
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:25,640
Are you all right?

1118
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:27,440
(ALL LAUGH)

1119
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,800
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
Where are you going?

1120
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:32,120
Swimming. See you.  Bye.

1121
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,640
Come on. Here, I'll teach you the
breaststroke.

1122
01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:38,680
Forget about 'em.

1123
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:42,080
Eh? Oh.

1124
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,680
Oh, I have.  No, you haven't.

1125
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:47,160
You are brooding over that Sandra.

1126
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,400
Well, I was beginning to enjoy
myself.

1127
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:52,440
Be philosophical.

1128
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:54,680
Plenty of time to pick up two more.

1129
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:56,640
Not like Sandra.

1130
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:00,080
If you ask me,
we had a lucky escape.

1131
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,000
It's a nice pub, this.

1132
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:04,160
It reminds me of the one we used to
have.

1133
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:05,800
Oh.

1134
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:07,480
You...had a pub?

1135
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,320
Yes, until my husband gave it up.

1136
01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:12,400
Oh. It's damned hard work, running a
pub.

1137
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:14,280
It was too hard for him.

1138
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:17,320
He got worn out just sitting there
watching me do all the work.

1139
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:19,800
Are you...  Separated? Yes.

1140
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,160
I haven't seen my husband for ten
years.

1141
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,640
Care for another?  No, thank you.
He was enough.

1142
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:27,840
No... (CHUCKLES)

1143
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:30,040
Would you care for another drink?

1144
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:31,800
No, I think I'm all right.

1145
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:33,520
I do, too.

1146
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:35,240
Major...

1147
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,160
Oh, I'm...sorry.
I mean, not in here.

1148
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,200
I have an idea.

1149
01:02:40,200 --> 01:02:44,160
What about popping back to
my caravan for a quick one?

1150
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:45,920
Yes, why not?

1151
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:54,920
Good night.
Oh, good night, madam.

1152
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,600
Good night.
Good night, Major.

1153
01:02:57,600 --> 01:02:59,880
(GUFFAWS) "Major".

1154
01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:02,440
He's a card, he is.
He calls himself a major.

1155
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,680
(WHEEZING CHUCKLE)
Well, isn't he, then?

1156
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,000
More like a major disaster.

1157
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,840
Here, he's got the caravan site down
the road.

1158
01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:12,600
He's most likely nipping back,
see if it's still there.

1159
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:14,320
Somebody might have nicked it?

1160
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:16,320
No, might have gone down one of them
holes.

1161
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:18,080
Down one of what holes?

1162
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:20,600
Oh, the whole perishing field
is full of big holes.

1163
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:24,000
It's the underground mining
workings. They reckon the Romans dug
'em.

1164
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,160
We're up there,
and we haven't seen any holes.

1165
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:28,520
No, you're not likely to, till the
ground opens

1166
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:30,880
and down you go one of them.
(LAUGHS)

1167
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:34,360
Here, listen. He paid 2,000 quid
for that bit of land.

1168
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:37,520
£2,000 quid.

1169
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:40,280
(GIGGLES)

1170
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,440
I do not think that is very funny.

1171
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,120
Nor me. Why are you laughing?

1172
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:48,600
Because I'm the one who sold it to
him.

1173
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,040
(GUFFAWS)

1174
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:52,080
Hey! (SMASHING AND CLATTERING)

1175
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:54,120
(BOTH LAUGH)

1176
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,280
That's not funny.

1177
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,960
Major, I do believe
you're trying to get me sloshed.

1178
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,440
Heavens above.
No, there's no need to.

1179
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:08,160
Er, what I mean was...

1180
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:14,040
..only a damned swine would
try and get a girl drunk first.

1181
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:15,680
First?

1182
01:04:15,680 --> 01:04:19,160
Well, damn waste of time getting
her drunk after... Oops. No.

1183
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,520
Oh, no. Er, what I meant...

1184
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,480
Ah. What I meant...

1185
01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:25,520
Would you care for a spot of music?

1186
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:27,640
Yes, why not?

1187
01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:30,760
Ha, ha.

1188
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:33,120
This will get you
in the mood for it. (CHUCKLES)

1189
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,800
Get me in the mood for what?

1190
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:38,240
A spot of the old how's-your-father.
(JAUNTY MILITARY TUNE)

1191
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:42,000
Whoa! This'll get you going.

1192
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:44,680
It certainly will.

1193
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:49,000
Good night and thank you for
a most delightful evening.

1194
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,400
What a peculiar woman.

1195
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:57,280
(WHINES)

1196
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:59,320
(BARKS)

1197
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:02,760
What...? Oh, he wants to go out.
Good.

1198
01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:04,800
(WHIMPERS)

1199
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:10,320
(BARKS EXCITEDLY)

1200
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:13,200
Go on. Close the door.
It's nippy in here.

1201
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:17,680
And come back to bed.

1202
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:19,880
Well, somebody's got to let him in.

1203
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:21,600
Oh, to hell with him.

1204
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:25,440
Joe... Joe.

1205
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:28,320
He's gone into next door's
tent thing.

1206
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:30,000
(GRUMBLES)

1207
01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:38,920
Linda...

1208
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:42,160
(GROWLS)

1209
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:48,640
(BARKS)

1210
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:52,200
Oh, I say, I'm most awfully sorry.

1211
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:53,880
He didn't half give me a turn.

1212
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:57,040
Well, where is he?  Under there.  Oh.

1213
01:05:57,040 --> 01:05:59,280
Ooh. Aaah.

1214
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:01,000
Ooh.

1215
01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:05,600
We slipped up.  I couldn't help it.

1216
01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:10,040
She came in after it.
I just tried to grab hold of it.

1217
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,080
Oh, yes?

1218
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:20,120
What's the matter?  I'd like you
to sleep in the annexe.

1219
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:23,360
Why?  Because from now on,
Arthur is sleeping in here.

1220
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,760
All right, but I thought he was
happy out there.

1221
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:27,880
He was. Too happy.

1222
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,920
(COCK CROWS)

1223
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:33,800
(WHISTLING)

1224
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:35,520
Hello, darling.

1225
01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:37,840
(CAWS) Hello, darling.

1226
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:39,880
Show us your knickers.

1227
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:53,000
Professor Crump?

1228
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:55,760
Professor Crump.

1229
01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:59,560
Yes?  You were talking in your sleep.

1230
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:02,160
I wasn't, was I?

1231
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:04,400
You was.  What was I saying?

1232
01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:09,720
You were saying, "Darling.
Let me see your k-nickers."  Oh.

1233
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:11,640
Yes, well, ah... No.

1234
01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:16,320
I expect what I probably said was,
"Show us your nicker."  Ah.

1235
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:18,400
"K-nicker" is only one leg, no?

1236
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:21,800
No, it's a slang expression
meaning a pound.

1237
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:23,560
Expression for money.

1238
01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:26,760
So you're wanting to know
where I'm hiding my money?  Yes.

1239
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:29,680
That's right, of course.
In my sleep, of course.

1240
01:07:29,680 --> 01:07:32,000
I don't know what I'm saying in my
sleep.

1241
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:34,400
Then how you know I hide my money
in my knickers?

1242
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:36,360
Well, I didn't know, but...

1243
01:07:36,360 --> 01:07:38,120
Are you?  Certainly.

1244
01:07:38,120 --> 01:07:40,440
It's only safe place
in explorations.

1245
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:42,480
It depends on what you're exploring.

1246
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:44,520
Professor Crump. (TUTS)

1247
01:07:44,520 --> 01:07:46,640
Where are you hiding yours?

1248
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:49,160
I'm not hiding anything.

1249
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:52,680
I keep mine in my trousers.  Really?

1250
01:07:57,720 --> 01:08:00,440
Er... Good morning.

1251
01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:02,160
Good morning.

1252
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:04,920
Are you all right. You look awful.

1253
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:07,480
Me and Ernest had an evening out
last night.

1254
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:10,280
Yes, we heard you coming home.

1255
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:12,400
We haven't seen much of you lately.

1256
01:08:12,400 --> 01:08:14,480
We've taken up archaeology.

1257
01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:16,160
Have you dug anything up?

1258
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,000
Yes, a couple of Roman soldiers.
2,000 years old.

1259
01:08:19,000 --> 01:08:20,840
Well, they won't do you much good.

1260
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:23,640
Oh, I don't know.
They look better than you do now.

1261
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:25,560
(BOTH LAUGH) That's a good one.

1262
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:27,960
Fred. Fred?

1263
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:30,880
Goodbye, see you later.
(DOOR SLAMS)

1264
01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:33,320
Could I speak to Mr O'Sullivan,
please?

1265
01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,680
Barnes, get rid of that.  Right.

1266
01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:42,560
Dear, oh, dear.
You have made a hash of them.

1267
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:44,600
It's your guv'nor, mate.

1268
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:46,840
He's had the colour changed five
times.

1269
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,280
You want to get that lot off, mate,
and start again.

1270
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:50,960
You get it off.

1271
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:52,800
We ain't got any paint stripper.

1272
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:54,640
Ask him to get you some.

1273
01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:56,280
You ask him.

1274
01:08:57,280 --> 01:09:00,200
Right.  We want a girl singer
for the cabaret.

1275
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:01,920
(HAMMERING)

1276
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,560
It's a bad line.

1277
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:06,760
Stop that hammering! Hello.
It's about them chairs...

1278
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:09,080
Barnes, please.
I'm on long-distance.

1279
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,520
It'll all have to come off.  Barnes!

1280
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:13,360
I'm talking to a theatrical agent.

1281
01:09:14,440 --> 01:09:17,480
I'm very, very sorry about that.
Where was I?  We need a stripper.

1282
01:09:17,480 --> 01:09:19,800
We need a stripper. Barnes!

1283
01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:21,520
What are you going on about?

1284
01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:24,080
We need a paint stripper
for them chairs.

1285
01:09:24,080 --> 01:09:26,360
Well, you can't have any.
Now, get out of it.

1286
01:09:26,360 --> 01:09:28,320
Oh...

1287
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,600
I'm desperately sorry about that.
Where was I?

1288
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:32,920
Oh, you've got just the girl.
Oh, jolly good.

1289
01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:35,840
I'll leave it all to you, shall I?
Veronica, yes?

1290
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:37,720
As long as she can get here
by eight.

1291
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:40,240
Right. Goodbye.

1292
01:09:40,240 --> 01:09:42,480
Make sure
you don't disturb the stones.

1293
01:09:42,480 --> 01:09:44,120
Steady, now. Steady.

1294
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,240
You're doing very well.

1295
01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:48,080
That's very good, Clive.

1296
01:09:48,080 --> 01:09:51,160
Thank you, sir.  Creep.
Yes, carry on scraping.

1297
01:09:56,640 --> 01:09:59,120
What do you make of it?
Is old Roman tool.

1298
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:01,400
Must have been a very old Roman.

1299
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,840
Just to remind you that
the clubhouse will be opened

1300
01:10:06,840 --> 01:10:08,480
in one hour from now.

1301
01:10:08,480 --> 01:10:10,520
Thank you. Ah, Barnes.

1302
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:13,240
You'd better go and
smarten yourself up, hadn't you?

1303
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:15,440
You're serving behind the bar.
What's that?

1304
01:10:15,440 --> 01:10:17,880
It's a telegram.  Oh.

1305
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,520
Ha!

1306
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:24,240
Ah.

1307
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:26,000
"Can't stand health farm.

1308
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:27,680
Arriving tonight.

1309
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:29,640
Sylvia and Vera."

1310
01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:31,920
Look, I don't know any Sylvia and
Vera.

1311
01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:33,840
That's cos it's not for you.

1312
01:10:33,840 --> 01:10:36,840
Well, why the hell didn't you say
so?  You didn't give me a chance.

1313
01:10:36,840 --> 01:10:39,880
I came in so you could announce it
over that thing.  Oh, you...

1314
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:46,600
This is Major Speep leaking...
..speaking.

1315
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:48,760
And here is another announcement.

1316
01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:50,920
Go on, hit it one with your shovel.

1317
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:55,600
A...

1318
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:57,440
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

1319
01:10:57,440 --> 01:10:59,200
(FLY BUZZES)

1320
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,800
(BUZZING SLOWS DOWN AND STOPS)

1321
01:11:09,480 --> 01:11:11,320
Ssht!

1322
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:14,080
Fred?  Ssh!

1323
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:18,120
(CHUCKLES)

1324
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:22,520
What is it?  It's fly spray.

1325
01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:26,080
Fly spray?  Yes.

1326
01:11:28,360 --> 01:11:30,280
Oh...

1327
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:37,600
(GIGGLES) Woo-hoo.  There's some
local talent going past.  Coming?

1328
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:40,080
I've got a feeling I'm going to be
all right tonight.

1329
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:42,000
I have, as well.

1330
01:11:49,680 --> 01:11:51,720
Zip me up, darling.

1331
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:56,320
Don't do that.

1332
01:11:56,320 --> 01:11:58,880
Mummy wouldn't like it.
Mummy's not going to get it.

1333
01:11:58,880 --> 01:12:00,960
I don't mean that.
I mean she might come in.

1334
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:02,800
Where is she?
She went for a shower.

1335
01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:05,560
Ready.  Just coming.

1336
01:12:05,560 --> 01:12:07,280
Hello, darling.

1337
01:12:07,280 --> 01:12:09,000
Show us your knickers.

1338
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:10,720
There's a man in here.

1339
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:15,960
Hello, darling.

1340
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:18,760
It's a mynah bird.

1341
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,400
What?

1342
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:22,680
Aren't you the lady that lost one?
Is it yours?

1343
01:12:22,680 --> 01:12:25,440
Get stuffed.  Mine would never say
things like that.

1344
01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:27,480
(WOLF-WHISTLES)

1345
01:12:27,480 --> 01:12:30,120
I can't go into
the ladies' showers.

1346
01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:32,920
But there's a man in there already.
Yes, but...

1347
01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:35,320
He might attack someone.
You're right: me.

1348
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:37,360
Oh...  Oh!

1349
01:12:39,480 --> 01:12:41,520
All right, ladies. Where is he?

1350
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:46,440
Daphne?  Henry.

1351
01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:48,480
What's up?

1352
01:12:48,480 --> 01:12:50,920
It's my husband.

1353
01:12:50,920 --> 01:12:52,960
(FUNKY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

1354
01:13:08,040 --> 01:13:10,120
Yes, sir?  Where's Barnes?

1355
01:13:10,120 --> 01:13:12,840
Somebody said he'd fainted.
Fainted? Where?

1356
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:14,560
In the showers.

1357
01:13:14,560 --> 01:13:16,280
Too much for him, I suppose?

1358
01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:18,400
A lady took him back to his caravan.

1359
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:23,920
Thanks, Daph.

1360
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:29,160
How's your pudding?

1361
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,800
How's my what?

1362
01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:33,360
Your pudding.
Your steak-and-kidney pudding.

1363
01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:35,560
No-one can do it like you can.

1364
01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:37,440
I haven't done it for years.

1365
01:13:37,440 --> 01:13:39,880
Why not?  Well, nobody but you ever
liked it.

1366
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:41,760
Oh.

1367
01:13:41,760 --> 01:13:43,800
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

1368
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:45,920
What are you doing down here,
anyway?

1369
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:47,600
Oh, I'm...I'm working.

1370
01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:50,440
What as?  I'm an odd-job man.

1371
01:13:50,440 --> 01:13:52,080
Odd-job man?

1372
01:13:53,520 --> 01:13:55,240
Oh, really, Henry!

1373
01:13:55,240 --> 01:13:57,120
Don't get on to me.

1374
01:13:57,120 --> 01:13:59,440
Look, Henry, if you need a few
quid...

1375
01:13:59,440 --> 01:14:01,080
Oh, no, no.

1376
01:14:01,080 --> 01:14:02,920
No, it's not that, Daph.

1377
01:14:02,920 --> 01:14:05,680
I've been living rough, saving
money. I've been saving.

1378
01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:08,000
Saving? You?

1379
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:10,520
Don't say anything. Wait.

1380
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:12,560
Don't... Wait.

1381
01:14:17,680 --> 01:14:19,360
Here.

1382
01:14:19,360 --> 01:14:21,080
Have a look at my bank book.

1383
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:23,880
There.  £20,000?!

1384
01:14:25,640 --> 01:14:27,520
I don't believe it.

1385
01:14:27,520 --> 01:14:29,840
They don't write it down
if you don't put it in.

1386
01:14:29,840 --> 01:14:31,720
Where did you get it?  Saved it.

1387
01:14:31,720 --> 01:14:34,480
What? As an odd-job man?  Yep.

1388
01:14:34,480 --> 01:14:36,960
You must have been doing some very
odd jobs.

1389
01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:39,680
I've been scrimping and saving for
ten years.

1390
01:14:39,680 --> 01:14:41,760
And then, last year...

1391
01:14:41,760 --> 01:14:44,440
Yes?  I won the football pools.

1392
01:14:44,440 --> 01:14:46,480
How much?

1393
01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:49,000
19,950 quid.

1394
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:51,160
You're joking.

1395
01:14:52,480 --> 01:14:56,320
It's all yours, Daph,
if you want it, every penny of it.

1396
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:58,120
Henry, I...

1397
01:14:58,120 --> 01:15:00,080
I don't know what to say.

1398
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:01,960
No-one else, is there?

1399
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:05,400
Well, no, but...  Oh, Daph.

1400
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:07,280
Come back to me, Daph.

1401
01:15:07,280 --> 01:15:09,200
I'll smarten myself up.

1402
01:15:09,200 --> 01:15:11,960
I'll try and be a good husband.
I'll do anything you want.

1403
01:15:11,960 --> 01:15:14,920
Anything.  Henry, look, this is all
so sudden.

1404
01:15:14,920 --> 01:15:16,960
I'll have to have time to think.

1405
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:19,000
(JAZZY MUSIC)

1406
01:15:23,520 --> 01:15:25,560
Oh, we're not from the caravan site.

1407
01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:27,680
No, we're from the village.

1408
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:29,720
Ooh.

1409
01:15:29,720 --> 01:15:33,400
Erm, would you care to dance, then?
Oh, I'd love to.

1410
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:36,320
Oh, sorry. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

1411
01:15:38,240 --> 01:15:40,280
What about you, then?

1412
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:41,920
Er, no, I...

1413
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:43,560
I can't do it any more.

1414
01:15:43,560 --> 01:15:45,360
Do what?

1415
01:15:45,360 --> 01:15:47,760
Dance.  Oh.

1416
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:50,200
Well, that's all right, then.
(LAUGHS)

1417
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:52,600
So, I think we should be
concentrating on

1418
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:54,520
opening first excavation, no?

1419
01:15:54,520 --> 01:15:56,480
Well, I don't know, because...
No, no.

1420
01:15:56,480 --> 01:15:59,840
First we'll be opening house where
soldiers are coming for women.

1421
01:15:59,840 --> 01:16:01,560
Yes.

1422
01:16:01,560 --> 01:16:05,280
Ah. I suppose you know by now what
we've been doing in that field.

1423
01:16:05,280 --> 01:16:07,440
I'm afraid it's no concern of mine.

1424
01:16:07,440 --> 01:16:09,080
I'm a civilian.

1425
01:16:10,320 --> 01:16:12,200
I'm also married.

1426
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:18,120
I don't understand why the dog
can't sleep outside the caravan.

1427
01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:19,800
Oh, Joe, that's not fair.

1428
01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:22,120
Last night he tried to get into bed
with us.

1429
01:16:22,120 --> 01:16:24,640
He could cause havoc in bed
with his bone.

1430
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:26,880
Well, he gets lonely.

1431
01:16:26,880 --> 01:16:29,320
I don't care if he does get lonely.

1432
01:16:29,320 --> 01:16:31,360
He's not getting in bed with us.

1433
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:34,120
He wanders about in the night.

1434
01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:36,160
Hark who's talking!

1435
01:16:39,360 --> 01:16:41,400
(CAR APPROACHES)

1436
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:47,120
I'm the cabaret.

1437
01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,160
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, that's all right.

1438
01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:52,120
Don't worry, please.

1439
01:16:52,120 --> 01:16:53,920
I'm glad you could make it.

1440
01:16:53,920 --> 01:16:56,160
I was a bit worried about your
music, you see.

1441
01:16:56,160 --> 01:16:59,040
We have a piano, of course.
I brought it with me, on tape.

1442
01:16:59,040 --> 01:17:01,320
Oh, really? What do you sing?
Oh, I don't sing.

1443
01:17:01,320 --> 01:17:03,880
You don't?  No. I'm er, a...dancer.

1444
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:08,040
Oh. Well, never mind.
I'm sure you'll go down well.

1445
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,080
(JAZZY MUSIC)

1446
01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:14,640
Ladies and gentlemen!

1447
01:17:14,640 --> 01:17:17,440
Please, may I have your attention,
ladies and gentlemen.

1448
01:17:17,440 --> 01:17:19,160
Please be seated.

1449
01:17:19,160 --> 01:17:21,000
It's cabaret time.

1450
01:17:21,000 --> 01:17:23,040
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1451
01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:27,080
Ready when you are.

1452
01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:30,320
(STRIPTEASE MUSIC)

1453
01:17:38,280 --> 01:17:40,320
(APPLAUSE)

1454
01:18:01,080 --> 01:18:02,720
Here. I want it.

1455
01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:14,560
(THWACK)  Ooh.

1456
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:21,360
Good Lord!

1457
01:18:21,360 --> 01:18:24,400
I believe she's doing a striptease.
Looks like it.

1458
01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:29,480
Damn it. That's not what I ordered.

1459
01:18:33,040 --> 01:18:35,080
Wahey!

1460
01:18:48,560 --> 01:18:51,720
What is lady doing?
It's...a kind of dance.

1461
01:18:51,720 --> 01:18:53,480
It's very peculiar.

1462
01:18:53,480 --> 01:18:55,600
In my country, we don't have dance
like this.

1463
01:18:55,600 --> 01:18:57,960
No, you have mixed bathing, instead.

1464
01:18:57,960 --> 01:19:00,320
But lady is not taking bath.

1465
01:19:02,920 --> 01:19:05,160
I hope she doesn't go too far.

1466
01:19:31,360 --> 01:19:33,400
(BLOWS)

1467
01:19:43,040 --> 01:19:45,880
Is wrong for lady showing
her k-nickers in public, no?

1468
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:49,080
Yes, I agree.  So, we are leaving.

1469
01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:50,960
(RIPPING)

1470
01:19:51,960 --> 01:19:53,920
(RIPPING)

1471
01:19:53,920 --> 01:19:55,560
(TEARING)

1472
01:19:55,560 --> 01:19:57,600
(LAUGHTER)

1473
01:19:58,080 --> 01:19:59,760
(MULTIPLE RIPPING)

1474
01:20:01,080 --> 01:20:02,800
(SEQUENCE OF RIPPING)

1475
01:20:02,800 --> 01:20:04,440
Oh.

1476
01:20:04,440 --> 01:20:07,840
I can't stand up.  Well, I told you
you should've worn 'em.

1477
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:10,480
(RIPPING)

1478
01:20:10,480 --> 01:20:12,120
(LAUGHTER)

1479
01:20:12,120 --> 01:20:14,160
(LAUGHS)

1480
01:20:15,720 --> 01:20:17,400
Get off!

1481
01:20:17,400 --> 01:20:19,040
(RIPPING)

1482
01:20:22,880 --> 01:20:24,640
(GIGGLES)

1483
01:20:26,440 --> 01:20:28,840
What are we going to do?
We can't go home like this.

1484
01:20:28,840 --> 01:20:30,640
I've got a needle and thread.

1485
01:20:30,640 --> 01:20:32,400
Have you?  Yes. Come on, let's go.

1486
01:20:32,400 --> 01:20:34,240
Oh, it's an orgy.

1487
01:20:34,240 --> 01:20:35,880
(LAUGHTER)

1488
01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:37,920
I shall have my licence taken away.

1489
01:20:37,920 --> 01:20:40,560
Oh, oh. Cheers.  Bottoms up.

1490
01:20:40,560 --> 01:20:42,840
(LAUGHTER)

1491
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:45,120
I shall get to the bottom of this.

1492
01:20:45,120 --> 01:20:47,240
I feel a complete arse.

1493
01:20:47,240 --> 01:20:49,280
Oh, it's coming on to rain.

1494
01:20:49,280 --> 01:20:51,160
We all can't get in there.

1495
01:20:51,160 --> 01:20:53,760
It's all right. We can go in that
caravan.

1496
01:20:53,760 --> 01:20:55,880
Is it yours?  No, but they won't
mind.

1497
01:20:58,520 --> 01:21:00,560
(THUNDERCLAP)

1498
01:21:00,560 --> 01:21:03,160
Hey, let's go down to our van, man.

1499
01:21:03,160 --> 01:21:04,880
What?  Yeah.

1500
01:21:04,880 --> 01:21:07,000
(LAUGHTER)

1501
01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:10,280
We'd better be quick.
It's going to rain any minute.

1502
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:15,040
(WOMEN SCREAM)  It's all right.

1503
01:21:15,040 --> 01:21:17,480
We haven't come to disturb you.
Come in, lads.

1504
01:21:17,480 --> 01:21:21,000
Cheers.  Make yourselves at home.
Sit yourself down.

1505
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:22,640
Ernest, the drinks...

1506
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:29,640
Ooh!

1507
01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:31,760
Quick!  Ooh!

1508
01:21:31,760 --> 01:21:35,080
Wargh!  Hurry up, Sylvia.

1509
01:21:36,080 --> 01:21:37,720
Phwoar, look at that.

1510
01:21:39,720 --> 01:21:41,760
Come here, darling.

1511
01:21:44,280 --> 01:21:46,080
(GROANS)

1512
01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:49,080
Well, it's awful weather we're
having, lovely, in't it?  Ooh!

1513
01:21:49,080 --> 01:21:50,920
(GRUNTS)

1514
01:21:50,920 --> 01:21:52,720
(GROANS) Don't hit me.

1515
01:21:52,720 --> 01:21:55,240
(MEN GROAN AND WOMEN SCREAM)

1516
01:21:55,240 --> 01:21:57,080
HENRY: Daph.

1517
01:21:57,080 --> 01:22:00,000
We haven't done this for ten years.

1518
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:02,600
DAPHNE: Well, don't talk so much.
Get on with it.

1519
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:06,000
Here. (CHUCKLES)
Have a look at this.

1520
01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:09,000
Well, lay it on the table,
so I can see it.  Right.

1521
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:10,920
Ooh, you've got two.

1522
01:22:10,920 --> 01:22:13,400
Yeah. Two aces and three kings.

1523
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:15,040
It's a full house.

1524
01:22:17,360 --> 01:22:19,080
Well, I...  Daph.

1525
01:22:19,080 --> 01:22:21,480
Oh, don't go. Give us a kiss.

1526
01:22:21,480 --> 01:22:25,240
Now don't start that again. I've
told you, I haven't decided yet.

1527
01:22:25,240 --> 01:22:27,720
Well, give us a kiss
and then decide.

1528
01:22:27,720 --> 01:22:29,760
No.

1529
01:22:29,760 --> 01:22:31,800
Now, deal the cards.

1530
01:22:31,800 --> 01:22:34,600
Arthur, I don't know where Mummy
could've got to.

1531
01:22:34,600 --> 01:22:37,280
Perhaps some fella picked her up.
Don't be so coarse.

1532
01:22:37,280 --> 01:22:40,000
All right. Perhaps she picked up
some fella.

1533
01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:43,920
Ow.  Serves you right.

1534
01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:46,200
(DROPS OF WATER TINKLE)

1535
01:22:53,920 --> 01:22:55,960
(RHYTHMIC TINKLING)

1536
01:23:04,240 --> 01:23:06,280
(HUMS RUSSIAN MELODY)

1537
01:23:08,960 --> 01:23:11,000
(RHYTHM OF HUMMING INTENSIFIES)

1538
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:14,680
Is making nice tune, no?

1539
01:23:14,680 --> 01:23:17,200
If you like it so much,
why don't you come up this end?

1540
01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:20,080
Professor.
You're making invitation, no?

1541
01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:24,480
No, I meant you come up this end
and I'll come up your end.

1542
01:23:24,480 --> 01:23:26,720
No, no. Is nicer this end.

1543
01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:37,880
Nice to have 'em back.

1544
01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:41,120
I've missed 'em, you know.

1545
01:23:41,120 --> 01:23:42,800
Me too.

1546
01:23:51,120 --> 01:23:53,040
(WHINES)  What's that?

1547
01:23:53,040 --> 01:23:54,720
What's that?

1548
01:23:54,720 --> 01:23:57,160
(WHINES)  Get him off me! Get that...

1549
01:23:57,160 --> 01:24:00,360
Look at the time.
We've been playing all night.

1550
01:24:00,360 --> 01:24:04,040
Just like we used to.  Well,
I must go.  No, no.  Yes, I must.

1551
01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:06,640
(CRASH)  What's going on?

1552
01:24:10,440 --> 01:24:12,480
Ooh, what's happened?

1553
01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:14,240
Who cares?

1554
01:24:18,640 --> 01:24:21,920
Aaah. Ooh. Aaaah!

1555
01:24:24,480 --> 01:24:27,520
Naughty Professor.  It's all right.
I'm just going.

1556
01:24:27,520 --> 01:24:29,280
Oh, is no rush, is no rush.

1557
01:24:29,280 --> 01:24:31,440
Aah. Oh, oh. Oh, no.

1558
01:24:31,440 --> 01:24:33,520
Is no rush, is no rush.

1559
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:35,200
Ooh...

1560
01:24:39,120 --> 01:24:40,920
What's happening?

1561
01:24:40,920 --> 01:24:43,080
It's them holes. They warned us.

1562
01:24:43,080 --> 01:24:45,640
The whole caravan site is riddled
with big holes.

1563
01:24:45,640 --> 01:24:48,480
Well, we seem to be all right.
Better check, though.

1564
01:24:48,480 --> 01:24:50,160
Ernest?

1565
01:24:54,280 --> 01:24:56,240
You all right?  Yes.

1566
01:24:56,240 --> 01:24:58,520
I don't think there's any holes
round here.

1567
01:24:58,520 --> 01:25:00,680
Argh!

1568
01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:02,920
Oh.  What's the matter? Yargh!

1569
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:08,080
Where are they?

1570
01:25:09,280 --> 01:25:11,040
Blub-blub.

1571
01:25:18,480 --> 01:25:20,640
Oh, Barnes. You are coming back?

1572
01:25:20,640 --> 01:25:22,760
Yes. I may do, Major.

1573
01:25:22,760 --> 01:25:25,520
When?  Next year, on our holidays.

1574
01:25:27,120 --> 01:25:29,160
Drive on, Arthur.

1575
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:35,920
(BEEPING)

1576
01:25:35,920 --> 01:25:37,960
(ROWDY GOODBYES)

1577
01:25:42,920 --> 01:25:44,960
Come again.

1578
01:25:45,320 --> 01:25:47,880
Oh. How do you do?

1579
01:25:47,880 --> 01:25:50,520
Oh, a couple of birds we picked up.
Ooh!

1580
01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:53,400
I think we're going to be all right
with these two.

1581
01:25:53,400 --> 01:25:55,040
(LAUGHS)

1582
01:25:55,040 --> 01:25:56,680
Bye-bye.

1583
01:25:56,680 --> 01:25:58,720
(ALL LAUGH)

1584
01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:05,240
VOOSHKA: Isn't it exciting?

1585
01:26:05,240 --> 01:26:07,160
CRUMP: Yes.

1586
01:26:07,160 --> 01:26:09,800
So that is what they calling
"having it off", no?

1587
01:26:09,800 --> 01:26:11,520
Ye-ye... Here.

1588
01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:13,160
Not so loud.

1589
01:26:13,160 --> 01:26:14,920
Put your piece in.

1590
01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:16,560
(STRAINS)

1591
01:26:16,560 --> 01:26:19,040
Ooh, no, it's rude.

1592
01:26:19,040 --> 01:26:20,680
Oh...

1593
01:26:20,680 --> 01:26:22,520
Oh, what a beauty.

1594
01:26:22,520 --> 01:26:24,960
Thank you very much for your lovely
gift.

1595
01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:27,000
Oh, that's all right.
It was nothing.

1596
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:28,880
I can't think why she sold him.

1597
01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:30,720
Get stuffed!

1598
01:26:31,720 --> 01:26:33,360
Show us your knickers.

1599
01:26:34,640 --> 01:26:37,840
Oh, here. Ooh, stop messing about.

1600
01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:39,280
Subtitles by TVT